#buuuuut i fell asleep before i could finish lol

[hawthornewhisperer]

Incoherent Screeching about 403

We start with SO MUCH BRAVENLARKE I am enjoying this even if they’re bickering.

I honestly can’t decide if Clarke’s snappish reaction to Bellamy’s “I’m not going to be one of the hundred” is a sign that this is an argument they have been having for days and she’s sick of it because you will live if I want you to live, dammit or if it’s the first time she heard of it and she’s caught off guard.  Either one would make me flail like a turtle on its back, though.

So @ponyregrets pointed out that the way Bellamy knocks on the window of the rover and makes Jaha get out is a clear sign he watched a bunch of cop movies on the Ark, and we both agreed that this was because Octavia was super into Lethal Weapon and both Blake siblings probably really liked Speed and long story short, it’s now officially canon that Bellamy Blake has a crush on Sandra Bullock and Miss Congeniality is the official movie of the Blake family as it unites Bellamy’s two great loves (Sandra Bullock and feminism) with Octavia’s two great loves (makeup and punching.)

I am going to deal with the Raven arc in one fell swoop because eventually I’m just gonna be screaming about bellarke, so here goes:  I feel AWFUL for Raven.  She’s making decisions entirely on her own because she’s literally the only person who can, and fucking no one is stepping up to be her shoulder to cry on.  I was definitely on her side over Abby in the medicine debate, and it really hurt to see her sort-of-mom challenge her, even if Abby truly believed she was doing the right thing.  Raven’s arc is clearly not over and I do like where it’s going, but god, someone draw her a bubble bath and pour her an entire bottle of wine because my girl needs it.

I also really, really, REALLY loved the brief scene with Bellamy and Luna.  I was surprised by how it was initially presented with Luna thinking she doesn’t deserve their help because she didn’t help them with the flame, though, because I never saw her decision as wrong?  Like, yes, it would have helped them immensely, but the way they went about it was SO AWFUL and TERRIBLE that I felt Luna was totally justified in being like “no fuck you get off my rig.”  So to have Luna frame her decision as having hurt them was surprising, but also very in character for our lovely pacifist mermaid.

HOWEVER, what I loved about that scene was the genuine remorse and understanding on both their sides.  Luna basically admitted she would get it if he saw this as her just rewards, and Bellamy flat out refused that interpretation.  His “no one deserves to suffer” was just the right amount of heartbreaking, because he probably does resent her a little but he never, ever wanted this.  I also think he understands her pain better than most, and I have to move on now because if I don’t this will be too fucking long so check back this afternoon for 2k on Bellamy/Luna parallels.

To conclude the radiation arc: absolutely none of us are surprised that Luna’s nightblood makes her resistant to radiation, but that pales in comparison to that gutwrenching death scene.  I cried and cried and thank you show, for remembering what you’re good at.

Murphy and Emori: god I love those two grifters so fucking hard, and I am really glad they at least addressed the complete lack-of-consent bullshit that was Murphy/Ontari.  I also love that Murphy is ingratiating himself to Abby as a way of making sure he and Emori survive because that is On Brand for those two assholes and I could not be happier.

Before we finish with the bellarke flailing, back to Polis!  ROAN’S ELVEN CLOAK IS EVERYTHING TO ME as is Indra having a daughter and backstory and an arc for this season that has almost nothing to do with the Skaikru.  I am here for it, and I am here for Indra and Gaia having a complicated mother/daughter relationship that is just as deep and nuanced as Clarke and Abby’s.  I am also really pleased with Octavia’s “fuck it, she’s family” decision to go against Roan, because that is insanely reckless and probably the wrong call politically but it is from the heart and in that respect it is 100% Blake and that makes me happy.

Also making me happy: Murderous Elf Prince!  He’s so handsome and angry and yeah, I’m into it.

Okay, so....The Road Trip and the List.  First of all, I laughed at Jaha sitting in the back while people young enough to be his kids drive the van, because....god, Jaha.  Of COURSE you would think a cult can save everyone.  That’s literally your first instinct: You know what could fix this? A cult!  However, (and there will be MUCH MORE IN DEPTH FLAILING ABOUT THIS IN A SEPARATE POST) I really appreciated that his role in that scene was to a) present Bellamy with an easy option to assuage his guilt and b) lampshade the role that Bellamy fills in Clarke’s life, and then Bellamy rejected them both.  He does not think that “it was for my people” is sufficient justification for the massacre (which: agreed, it isn’t) and I think that line was more about Jaha than Bellamy.  Jaha has decided that so long as he thought he was doing the right thing, it’s okay, but Bellamy is following Beard Dad on this one, which I think is the right call.  Bellamy also cannot see how important he is to Clarke, but he can see how important she is to him.  It’s like, instinctive-- Jaha says “you center her” and Bellamy is like “lol no she centers me.”  He doesn’t even take a beat to consider it, it just is.  However, while he was right to reject Jaha’s solution for guilt, he was definitely wrong to reject his place in Clarke’s life buuuuut it’s also understandable because a lot of Clarke’s feelings for him are still buried deep down inside of her and only come out when he’s sleeping.

Sidenote: so clearly, some of Second Dawn survived and guys, this means Grounders are descended from Scientologists.  I find this utterly delightful.  Thank you, show, for being bonkers.

And then, we get a brief moment of peace.  I am going to go with “Bellamy fell asleep and Clarke chose that moment to write out the list”  as my headcanon for this scene because I don’t see a scenario where Bellamy is like “you do this awful thing; Big Boy needs his nap.”  That’s not how they operate, and while I could maybe see him falling asleep due to pure exhaustion while they work on the list together, that also doesn’t feel very likely to me.  So unless I hear otherwise, that’s the interpretation I’m going with.

So Bellamy falls asleep and Clarke watches him, glad that he’s getting a moment of peace in the oncoming hell.  I suspect she kept his name off the list for several reasons, but the most important one here is she knows he doesn’t want to be on it.  She’s trying to honor his wishes, but then she looks at him and is like, “I cannot imagine a world where he doesn’t deserve to survive.”

And then she breaks down.  Because Clarke is never going to put her own name on that list, and it means she’s going to lose him.  (Of course, she’d also lose him if they BOTH died, but she has already decided that is Not An Option).  The weight of everything hits her at once, and Bellamy’s Clarke Alarm goes off and he wakes up.  (Aside: Bellamy being kind of snort-y and noisy when he wakes up is like, the cutest fucking thing in the universe A+ work Bob).  He knows right away what’s going on and he does the only thing he can think of: he offers his life in exchange for hers.

Except this time, they’re not dying-- they’re living.  He’s saying “fine, you want me to survive?  I’ll survive-- but only if you do too.”  Clarke just can’t bring herself to say “yes I deserve to live” so Bellamy does it for her, and then he touches her-- gently, and just the once-- to show her she’s not alone, and then he makes himself leave.  I have SO MANY thoughts about why he chose that moment to walk away, but I think the main reason was that he needed to, because he’s on the edge too and breaking down in front of Clarke wouldn’t help her.  And that’s his only goal in that scene-- help her, lift some of that burden, remind her that she’s not alone.  She’s his center, so he does what he can for her and then he walks away before he has to ask her for something, because to him that would be adding to her burden and that is unconscionable.

Because guys...he loves her so much.  And she loves him too.  

[shadowsplight]

Appreciation Post 2 (while slightly being a rant post)

God knows how stressed I am with work (I mean who isn't), and he knows how I freaking miss my family (if I could go home everyday, I would).

There are literally times that I wanted to give up and quit my job, but I don't. Why? 'Coz I am not a quitter...never have and never will be. Chzz hahaha. But yeah, I don't give up easily, however, sadly, I get stressed easily.

What freaks me out is that even on weekends, I can't seem to catch a break. When I'm at home, I still think about work, my assignees and all the other things. Which is why, the Friday hang-out with Ate Danie and Ate Sheens was a breathe of fresh air--something I haven't had for a while.

Little did I know 'twas only the beginning...

So remember I said I went to Katipunan on a spur of the moment decision? Like I literally just didn't want to go home so I called Lan and asked him out. Fortunately for me, he was available.

So there you go, I arrived at Katip at 5 minutes to midnight via commute and I mean bus, fx, jeep and everything. We went to Lan Kwai without us both dropping our things at Blue.

When we got there, it wasn't the chill kind of place I was imagining it to be or maybe we just weren't the loud-ish type anymore, I don't know. Nonetheless, we stayed because they had good drinks. We each ordered our Baby Fishbowls and Lan ordered a 3-shot drink, I think it was called Lemon Drop (and ghad, it tasted like the cleaning chemicals in the bathroom!).

We were there for an hour and a half just catching up, getting fragile as fuck and other shits. And we talked about almost everything but pretty much nothing at all. Lol. It was a smooth kind of conversation where you didn't have to think, and ghad I missed that.... we had our usual McDo stop before Blue, and actually, because I got up early, went to work early, I was pretty much tired and awake for almost 24 hours. Which is why, to no one's surprise, I had a nap at McDo lol.

Yadda yadda yadda. Came Saturday, and Lan and I wanted to go out but we were both unsure with what to do outside. I was resolved on going home, only that I didn't want to go home yet so we took things slowly. We went down to buy food but decided to go to Samgyupsalamat instead because of the promo. And for the reason I was wearing LAN's board shorts, we went to UK-UK just to buy shorts that looks okay with a t-shirt. The task was done within 5 minutes but we got so distracted with tops that we ended up using 20minutes and buying a number of blouses for me. Guess where we ended up after? A good old fashioned carinderia with affordable viands, and we even had a leche flan, all for less than 200 altogether!! Sulit diba??

So there, we went back to the unit after deciding we'll be watching Goyo at 3:40PM in SM Marikina. Buuuuut, as Las and Rome appeared to be going to the same place, we backtracked and then brainstormed some more while on our phones. See that?? We were literally just on the bed 😂 *as bed potatoes*

A lot of things have been suggested---cinema centenario (which was close because of the weather), ice skating (not one of us knows how, and little afraid of getting stuck outside), archery (not really sure why we didn't go), watch Goyo somewhere else (UPTC was too expensive; SM North and Trino -- we were afraid of getting stuck), samgyup in the evening (a contender but we didn't know what to do with whole afternoon). And basically we ended not doing any of the things. We just got out of the bed when we both felt like we wanted Pancit Canton and hotdog! Kudos to food bringing us with a solution! Lol.

We downloaded a movie, a chic-flick to be exact. We wanted to watch "To All the Boys I've loved" just because we were in the mood for a feel good romance. Then we went down to buy: 3 packs of pancit canton calamansi, omelette ingredients with 3 pcs of egg, a loaf of bread, tuna spread ingredients, 4 pcs of hopia, 4 pcs of Spanish bread, 1 hotdog sandwich, 2 tubs of solo ice cream, 1 pack of Yakult. And mahn did we overestimate ourselves! 😬

We of course, ended up not finishing everything in the night even if we've finished two movies. At the end of it all, we were just full....

And both fell asleep eventually on the sofa bed.

Sunday morning and I have decided to go home....but it wasn't meant to be.

I stayed a little bit even if I was fully ready to go. I stayed because I was waiting for Lan who was planning to go out anyway. So I stayed until he got ready. Only that, we watched another movie the whole morning to noon. After that, I plucked white hair from his head because well, he said he missed it. 💁🏻 and more titahan of course.

I think it was around 5pm that we went out with the intention of splitting up after grabbing a bite from McDo. But again, new things came up. We ended up buying nail polish and painting each other's nails at McDo! Imagine? Lol 😂

It's was at 5 minutes to 7pm that we stood up from our seat. We went on our way to the door and split up. But before that, my litol Lany boi gave me a tight hug and well, I felt that. I missed my home boi and god, I wish he finds a man that deserves him.

I love yah, Lany boiiii, and you'll always be my lazy weekend co-tita 😘😘

I have never been this relaxed during a weekend. I haven't had a weekend this long that I didn't think about work. Definitely one for the books ❤️