shadowsplight - Tumblr blog

[shadowsplight]

I'm sad.

Fuck the greedy fuckers.

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Sudden realization that I'm going back to Manila when this pandemic is over...

I don't know whether to rejoice or to cry.

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I'm gonna cut my hair in the morning!!! Waaaah. I'm excited for this 😁😃

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Curiousity

So recently, I’ve been seeing and hearing the word “perfectionist”.

The word itself brings forth quite a number of memories as well, for me. And because of this, I am now questioning myself if some of the trait/s I sometimes show would be considered those of a “perfectionist”.

At around 12:45AM today, I turned to everyone’s friend, Google, to see if I can find a “Perfectionism Test” or something of that sort. I stumbled upon Frost MPS Scale, and how it’s a commonly taken as perfectionism test. Found a PDF online. Took the test. And now I don’t really know how to tally them.

Seems like, there’s a four-factor and a six-factor computation which involves eigenvalues and a bunch of other theories I am not familiar with. And as a Gen Z in this pandemic, I am now looking at academic articles around eigenvalues and eigenvectors, in the hopes of interpreting my test. After this, if I’m still up for it, I might just read on the theories mentioned in the Portuguese version of the FMPS.

Wish me luck.

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Starting Anew

I’ve been told again and again that when I write, I write as if I’m joining an essay-writing competition. 

For the longest time, I’ve only preferred to write lengthy pieces. I thought that when I write these lengthy notes, I could convey a clearer thought or that I am able to provide the best descriptions that can to my reader...but that’s not always the case. Funnily enough, sometimes the longer the pieces are, the less of the message is conveyed.

So here I am, writing a relatively shorter piece. Hoping as well that this entry right here will become the first of many entries that I will write in this so-called blog of mine. 

Ciao. For now.

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I thank the heavens and all those on Earth because of you

I don’t think I need that many words. Six words will do.

Thank you, and I love you.

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안녕하세요, 마일스씨!

Every day since the third of May 2019 has been magical. ❤️

Sometimes, I still can’t wrap my brain around the fact that you’re true and that you’re here loving me...

You are my unexpected, you are the plot twist that I did not know I wanted.

Love, I wish we could stay together longer.

Might be too early for this, but can I please love you for as long as I live? 🙈

I love you, Myles💕 Edit: No expectations are set for the future but it would be nice to have you there. 

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Thank you for coming all the way from BGC to Makati, love. 💕

I truly appreciate everything you’ve done and actually, everything that you will do in the future.

I love you so muuuuch. ❤️

P.S. Dito muna kasi I’m not totally sure yet how comfy we are re posting about each other on social media. Hahaha.

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Good morning

Mema yung title hahaha.

But yes, it is a good morning. :)) well, rather, I just feel kinda great kasi.

Okay, scratch this. Imma make a new post, but the gist is, I’m happy. :)))

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I’m Sorry

Uunahan ko na. I’m sorry...

The last almost three weeks where you showed me how much you care for me is deeply appreciated. So much more than I can explain in words.

But maybe, I have to let you go... Maybe I have to kasi you deserve so much more than what I can give you. Mabait kang tao — isa sa PINAKAMABAIT NA TAONG KILALA KO, you’re one loyal guy — a rare, I have to say. And you deserve better... I know you do.

Won’t you agree with me? It’s been one hell of almost a month, but I guess it needs to end.

Thank you for making me feel this way, love. Super appreciated. :))))

Be happy, please.

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Hello

I haven’t written in a loooooooong while. Nothing personal, at least.

I have so, so, sooooo much to tell you. But I don’t have time right now. Haha.

Ito na lang muna kahit hindi siya yung preferred start ko of my entries. Hmm...

This morning, I was prepping for work and choosing a good outfit kasi I’ll be going out for a date with Myles (more on this next time 😋). I chose this dress I’ve been planning to wear, put on my white shoes and looked at the mirror for the final look.

What I saw did not displease me. In my opinion, I kinda actually look nice. But then I turned sideways, just to see if there was a marking made by the underwear I was wearing (and wala siya, mumsh, kasi I’m wearing a seamless panty haha).

I was happy and okay na with my total look but then I saw my butt.... funny, noh? Napunta yung usapan sa pwet? Pero ito kasi yun.

I saw my butt, and saw how big it looked.

Initial thoughts ko? Fuck, I have to cover that. Why? Perverted officemates will surely joke about it, possibly I’ll get catcalled because of it — all these I didn’t want to happen to me.

You know what’s even more frustrating for me? I encourage women to wear whatever they want, do what they want, pero ako mismo, hindi ko mayakap yung payo ko. Na ako mismo, I’m going against what I advocate.

I tried very much to tell myself na you’ll be okay with that butt, but ghad, I don’t want to hear the wetpaks comment. Knowing the guys in the office, kapag malaki yung pwet, “masarap” daw. In my mind, nakakadiri sila to think of other people that way....and selfish me thought, I don’t want them to think of me that way too. I don’t want to. I refuse to.

What I did then was to put on Shoti’s windbreaker. *i can’t find a long enough jacket to cover my butt*

I did this and stepped out of the unit to go to work.

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This will be my signature hike pose

So, I started hiking back in April 2018, and what do you know, a year has already passed since.

My 2018 was not that hike-filled, but I tried to squeeze in the activity from time to time. Around September, on my third climb that year, I went to Mt. Maculot with Takot Tahak. And thus, the birth of what I will make my signature pose *hopefully*

So basically, this will be a thread of that pose. I will have to edit the post pala since I cannot reply sa thread with a picture hahaha.

Disclaimer: if may other getaways pa ako, I’ll include it here. Like the outing namin sa AT-M, and future galas.

Now, starting with the hike that started it all...

Mt. Maculot | September 22, 2018

Mt. Kupapey - Mt. Kupapey x Mt. Fato | October 7, 2018

Mt. Daraitan | January 12, 2019

Mt. Arayat | February 9, 2019

Bakasyunan, Zambales (AT-M Outing) | March 23, 2019

Mt. Batulao - Nasugbu Trilogy | March 30, 2019

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You ever just want to cry without really knowing why?

That’s about what i’m feeling right now, and i can’t even cry because i’m still in the office.

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The Hike

It sounds super cheesy but one thing I'm sure of is, after all the pain, all the tired steps you take just to reach the summit...all of these will be worth it. When you reach the top, you'll realize that I didn't just get through that for nothing.

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I strive to be as beautiful and as strong as Angelica Panganiban.

You are one of my modern day idols, mamsh 💕

Mark this post, I will be as strong and as beautiful as you --- inside and out.

Thank you, Ange!! ❤️❤️

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Appreciation Post 2 (while slightly being a rant post)

God knows how stressed I am with work (I mean who isn't), and he knows how I freaking miss my family (if I could go home everyday, I would).

There are literally times that I wanted to give up and quit my job, but I don't. Why? 'Coz I am not a quitter...never have and never will be. Chzz hahaha. But yeah, I don't give up easily, however, sadly, I get stressed easily.

What freaks me out is that even on weekends, I can't seem to catch a break. When I'm at home, I still think about work, my assignees and all the other things. Which is why, the Friday hang-out with Ate Danie and Ate Sheens was a breathe of fresh air--something I haven't had for a while.

Little did I know 'twas only the beginning...

So remember I said I went to Katipunan on a spur of the moment decision? Like I literally just didn't want to go home so I called Lan and asked him out. Fortunately for me, he was available.

So there you go, I arrived at Katip at 5 minutes to midnight via commute and I mean bus, fx, jeep and everything. We went to Lan Kwai without us both dropping our things at Blue.

When we got there, it wasn't the chill kind of place I was imagining it to be or maybe we just weren't the loud-ish type anymore, I don't know. Nonetheless, we stayed because they had good drinks. We each ordered our Baby Fishbowls and Lan ordered a 3-shot drink, I think it was called Lemon Drop (and ghad, it tasted like the cleaning chemicals in the bathroom!).

We were there for an hour and a half just catching up, getting fragile as fuck and other shits. And we talked about almost everything but pretty much nothing at all. Lol. It was a smooth kind of conversation where you didn't have to think, and ghad I missed that.... we had our usual McDo stop before Blue, and actually, because I got up early, went to work early, I was pretty much tired and awake for almost 24 hours. Which is why, to no one's surprise, I had a nap at McDo lol.

Yadda yadda yadda. Came Saturday, and Lan and I wanted to go out but we were both unsure with what to do outside. I was resolved on going home, only that I didn't want to go home yet so we took things slowly. We went down to buy food but decided to go to Samgyupsalamat instead because of the promo. And for the reason I was wearing LAN's board shorts, we went to UK-UK just to buy shorts that looks okay with a t-shirt. The task was done within 5 minutes but we got so distracted with tops that we ended up using 20minutes and buying a number of blouses for me. Guess where we ended up after? A good old fashioned carinderia with affordable viands, and we even had a leche flan, all for less than 200 altogether!! Sulit diba??

So there, we went back to the unit after deciding we'll be watching Goyo at 3:40PM in SM Marikina. Buuuuut, as Las and Rome appeared to be going to the same place, we backtracked and then brainstormed some more while on our phones. See that?? We were literally just on the bed 😂 *as bed potatoes*

A lot of things have been suggested---cinema centenario (which was close because of the weather), ice skating (not one of us knows how, and little afraid of getting stuck outside), archery (not really sure why we didn't go), watch Goyo somewhere else (UPTC was too expensive; SM North and Trino -- we were afraid of getting stuck), samgyup in the evening (a contender but we didn't know what to do with whole afternoon). And basically we ended not doing any of the things. We just got out of the bed when we both felt like we wanted Pancit Canton and hotdog! Kudos to food bringing us with a solution! Lol.

We downloaded a movie, a chic-flick to be exact. We wanted to watch "To All the Boys I've loved" just because we were in the mood for a feel good romance. Then we went down to buy: 3 packs of pancit canton calamansi, omelette ingredients with 3 pcs of egg, a loaf of bread, tuna spread ingredients, 4 pcs of hopia, 4 pcs of Spanish bread, 1 hotdog sandwich, 2 tubs of solo ice cream, 1 pack of Yakult. And mahn did we overestimate ourselves! 😬

We of course, ended up not finishing everything in the night even if we've finished two movies. At the end of it all, we were just full....

And both fell asleep eventually on the sofa bed.

Sunday morning and I have decided to go home....but it wasn't meant to be.

I stayed a little bit even if I was fully ready to go. I stayed because I was waiting for Lan who was planning to go out anyway. So I stayed until he got ready. Only that, we watched another movie the whole morning to noon. After that, I plucked white hair from his head because well, he said he missed it. 💁🏻 and more titahan of course.

I think it was around 5pm that we went out with the intention of splitting up after grabbing a bite from McDo. But again, new things came up. We ended up buying nail polish and painting each other's nails at McDo! Imagine? Lol 😂

It's was at 5 minutes to 7pm that we stood up from our seat. We went on our way to the door and split up. But before that, my litol Lany boi gave me a tight hug and well, I felt that. I missed my home boi and god, I wish he finds a man that deserves him.

I love yah, Lany boiiii, and you'll always be my lazy weekend co-tita 😘😘

I have never been this relaxed during a weekend. I haven't had a weekend this long that I didn't think about work. Definitely one for the books ❤️

[shadowsplight]

If we’re in a simulation, the top 1% are playing on Very Easy difficultly.