#butter concept clip

[cosmicdreamgrl]

we love two for the price of one deals @cordiallyfuturedwight

#bts_butter concept clip — jin & yoongi

[dullgecko]

Two things, 1) sorry if this is long and I ramble and 2) even if this is a pretty light hearted headcannon, I'm going to add a trigger warning just in case because I don't wanna trigger anyone on accident.

TW: Knife

I feel like Fabian would buy the bad kids knives. It started with Kristen, she is their healer and only has her staff as a weapon. Then it was Adaine and Fig because they are also magic users and, even though they have better weapons than Kristen, it is always nice to have a secret knife. He made it very clear that he knows they can all hold themselves great in battle but it is good to have a weapon that none knows about. He got ones for Gorgug and Riz because he didn't want them to be left out and also just in case. He also got himself one. Riz is scary with knives. I have a few thoughts about what kind he would get them but I wanted to know what you think he would get them!

Kristen LOVES her knive, Fabian got it when he went to visit his grandfather over a long weekend. Its small and the blade is as sharp as a scalpel which he thought was fitting given it was for their primary healer (thats also what she ended up naming it, because she thought it was funny). It wasnt specifically forged for her but Telemaine had a lot of elven forged blades lying around that he had apparently forged for 'practice' thousands of years ago and had just tossed in a corner that he let Fabian take. Its incredibly light, and the handle is covered in beautiful engravings that Fabian did himself with the help of Telemaine. He even gave her a matching scabbard, so she can clip it to the back of her belt so she has easy access if it's needed.

Once he decorated one for Kristen he realised that it would be weird to just gift ONE friend a custom blade, so he just decided to engrave one for all of them.

Adaine gets a very short dagger, small enough to be kept hidden under her jacket as a backup. She hasnt acually used it in a fight yet but it makes an EXCELLENT package-opener. Even though she's constantly using it to cut through cardboard, the dagger hasnt lost any of its sharpness yet.

Fig doesn't seem to really understand the concept of a HIDDEN blade, given that she's constantly fidgeting with hers at every opportunity. Hers is an incredibly thin stilleto dagger that when she's not messing around with it she keeps it tucked into one of her boots.

Gorgugs, Fabian thinks, was his grandfathers attempt to make a machete. It's massive for a half-elf but just the right size for their barbarian to keep hidden on his person. Somehow, despite being made of the same elven metal as all the others, it's also incredibly /heavy/. The heft of it probably would help a normal blade cut through thick vegetation but the keenness of the blade makes the weight totally unnecessary. Gorgug dropped it once and it buried itself up to the handle in concrete like it was hot butter.

Fabian had a tough time finding something that he thought would be functional for Riz, given his size, but he ended up settling on a pair of karambits with rings on the end so the goblin could spin them around to adjust his grip. He thought the claw-like shape and small size suited the goblin the best and he was pleased when he absoloutly LOVED them. Riz immediatly ended up readjusting his loadout to incorporate them in a holster hidden against the small of his back under his vest. They become Riz's favorite close-range sneak attack weapon and Fabian thinks of them as his friends 'backup claws'.

Riz is by far the best out of all of them at combat with daggers even though he prefers to fight long range and USUALLY if he gets in close he defaults to his claws and teeth. He'll use blades up close if he knows whatever they're fighting tastes bad though (he has a particular dislike for biting undead enemies), some things he also just doesnt want in his mouth (plant monsters can be tricky and he has more than once had to pop some allergy medication after a fight because it left his mouth incrediby itchy).

[allisluv]

COMING CLEAN

Chapter Four — if gossip was gold

pairing: finnick odair x fem!oc

word count: 4.6k

content warnings: dissociation, bloom protecting her daughter figure, implied forced sex work and angst </3

previous part — next part

Time had always been a strange concept in the Capitol.

Dahlia had attended three parties and seen eight clients in the two days following her date with Finnick. There appeared to be a heightened appeal for her services and she tried to push her way through the days without thinking about it.

Needles to say, she was exhausted.

The first thing she registered as she woke up was the cologne that clung to her pillows. She groggily propped herself up on her elbows and tried to prevent the scent of musk and pine from infiltrating her senses.

Light was creeping in through the curtains of her hotel room and if she had to guess, it was about eleven in the morning. She blindly felt around on the bedside locker until her hands were enclosed around the wad of cash that last night's client had left.

Her stomach churned as she tossed the money into her purse and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

She rubbed her knuckles into her eyes to rid them of sleep and when she blinked, an ivory piece of paper caught her attention. Reaching across for the letter, she flipped it around and read it.

Malaki had organised a breakfast meeting for half past twelve in Finnick's room and according to the note, both their prep teams would be attending too. The alarm clock on the locker flashed 11:15 and after trying to talk herself out of it for ten minutes, she finally gave in and headed for the en-suite bathroom.

She peeled off her oversized shirt and twisted the knob for the shower. Steam took over the curves of her body as she stepped under the stream of warm water.

She curled up in a ball on the floor, her hands locked securely around her knees as the water beat steadily against her back.

The recent events of the week had taken their toll on her and she was glad of the distraction. It was a relief to do nothing for once. She was tired of having so many responsibilities weighing on her shoulders.

She lathered her hair in coconut-scented shampoo and threaded her fingers through the knots at the ends. Once the products were rinsed out and there were no suds remaining, she hopped out of the shower. She tied a bathrobe around her body and the dregs of water gurgled down the drain.

By the time half past twelve rolled around, she had dried the majority of dampness from her hair and pulled a pair of navy jeans over her hips. She wrapped a hand-knitted cardigan over her sports bra. Her hands were shaking again as she made a start on her hair; she ended up securing it with a claw clip and hoping for the best.

Dahlia crept down the hallway five minutes before they were scheduled to meet. Bloom had never been a morning person and Malaki would be coaxing her out of bed with the day wine by now.

She hesitated at the door and scuffed the ends of her shoes into the carpet. She did not want to be stuck alone in a hotel room with Finnick and his team, but she didn't suppose she had a choice.

She rapped her knuckles against the wooden door and rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet as she waited for someone to answer.

She could hear shuffling and chatter from behind the door and Finnick grinned down at her as it swung open. There were dark circles underneath his eyes and she could feel her chest constrict with pity.

It seemed like she wasn't the only one to receive a spike in demand.

It was as if she was operating on autopilot as she walked into his apartment, her arms protectively crossed over her chest.

Everybody was crowded around a large table at the end of the room and her stomach twisted into knots of anxiety.

She tentatively inched her way towards the table and took the seat closest to Malaki, who was already in the process of buttering a bread roll for her. He nudged it towards her to try and encourage her to eat, but even the sight of it made her feel physically ill.

He frowned disapprovingly but kept his thoughts to himself.

Cordelia, district four's escort, introduced herself and extended a diamond-clad hand for her to shake. She must have been in her early thirties but she had dyed her hair a peculiar shade of silver. Cordelia was stout with colour in her cheeks and an award-winning smile. She was pretty, Dahlia thought.

Caspian, the stylist of district four, picked away at the breakfast buffet as if he wanted to be anywhere but here — she knew the feeling. He was quite pale with sunken cheekbones and he reminded her of River in the sense that it felt like he was looking right through your soul.

"Shall we get started?" Bloom popped open a bottle of bubbly and filled her glass to the top. Nobody was fazed by her early drinking; they were in the Capitol, after all. "We're on a tight schedule today," she checked her watch to punctuate her point and Dahlia fought the urge to roll her eyes.

Malaki leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands in front of him. "Cordelia and I have called this meeting because we need everyone to be on the same page in terms of our next moves. President Snow thinks that we've kept the public waiting long enough and he wants us to prepare a statement to confirm that you are dating."

Dahlia had slipped away before he had finished his sentence. His voice was vaguely breaking through into her subconscious, no matter how hard she tried to block it out. A warm hand wrapped around her wrist and somewhere in the back of her mind, she registered it as being Bloom; her stylist was the only person in the world who had a grip that strong and reassuring at the same time.

She didn't want to come back to the real world. The real world was daunting and terrifying and it asked too much of her. When she was pulled into her own head, it was soft and calm and she could breathe again.

By the time Dahlia came back to her body, Bloom was tracing patterns along the palm of her hand and even with her eyes closed, she could feel Finnick's concerned gaze burning a hole through the side of her head.

She blinked away the hazy feeling and took a deep breath. "All we have to do is stick to the story, right?" Her voice was quiet and unsteady and she cleared her throat to get rid of it. "We just say what you tell us to?"

Malaki ran a hand through his dark hair as he tried to decide how best to explain. His golden rings got caught in his curls and he yanked hard to untangle them. "Yes. We're not going to be making a formal announcement but if either of you are approached by anyone, you confirm that it's more serious than just a fling. If they think that the rumours are true, that should be enough to keep them satisfied for a while."

Dahlia always found it difficult to process things after slipping away. It sounded silly but she liked to think she had a file divider in her head. When she separated everything into groups, it made it easier to sort through what was real and what wasn't.

"Alright. Anything else?" she carefully wrestled her hand from Bloom's grasp.

He hesitated, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he chewed the inside of his cheek. "You'll be required to put on a more believable show. Spending more time together, public displays of affection... and staying in the same hotel room."

Dahlia gripped the edges of her chair until her knuckles were bled of all colour. The rush of blood in her ears made it hard to hear much else. "No way," she protested. "Absolutely not!"

Cordelia frowned disapprovingly and dabbed at her pink lips with a linen napkin. "I'm afraid that decision is not up to you," she pointed out matter-of-factly. Finnick's eyes flickered from his escort to the brunette sitting opposite him. "I think you ought to remember who got you into this mess in the first place, young lady."

Bloom's back went rigid and she set her empty glass on the table. "I think you would be wise to remember who you're speaking to, Cordelia," she warned, her voice as smooth as silk. "I would watch your tongue if I were you. Dahlia didnt win her games by sitting still and looking pretty," Bloom tossed her French braids over her shoulders and poured herself another glass of champagne.

Cordelia kept her smart remarks to herself after that.

Laughter bubbled warmly in Dahlia's chest and a smile threatened to crack her stoic front. Oh, how she loved Bloom.

Her stylist had a sharp tongue and plenty of fire in her belly, but she was smart enough to disguise it with layers of classiness, unlike Dahlia, who would have given Cordelia some colourful new words to add to her vocabulary.

Dahlia turned to face Malaki, who was biting back a wry smile of his own. "What exactly is us staying together meant to achieve?" she asked

"I'm not entirely sure but it's what the President has suggested," he treaded carefully. "I do think he has a point, though. If you were a couple, chances are you would be sharing a hotel room. Just think of it as a sleepover!"

Finnick snorted indigently and Cordelia slapped him around the back of the head, berating him for being rude. He ripped apart a bread roll with his teeth to stifle his laughter and avoid getting in trouble. "That is a good idea. I'll get the polish and you can paint my nails, honey," he was quick to duck out of the way as Cordelia swiped for him again.

Some of the tightness in Dahlia's chest dissipated at that. Finnick locked eyes with her across the table and it nearly sent him spiralling into another fit of laughter. He caught himself just in time.

Malaki lounged back in his chair and sunk his teeth into a gooey Danish pastry. "You will be moving rooms before the gala tonight." Raspberry jam began to trickle out of the dough and he caught it with his tongue. His sticky fingers tugged at the cuffs of his shirt as he checked his gold watch. "You'll be sharing a taxi and arriving at the gala together. I'll help you pack your things, but for now, we've got to go."

Dahlia and her prep team bid goodbye to the others and ventured into the narrow hallway.

Bloom spent the afternoon pulling dresses off the rack and occasionally asking for opinions while she and Malaki crammed her belongings into a suitcase.

Finger sandwiches and tiny sausages pierced with cocktail sticks were delivered to the hotel room at six o'clock. Bloom ate her fill of food and finally decided on a navy blue dress with a sweetheart neckline.

She crammed Dahlia into the dress and a matching pair of heels before startinf on her makeup.

She applied a nude lipgloss and dusted a light pink blush across her cheekbones. She curled her lashes and added a layer of white mascara to make her eyes pop. She dragged shades of black and grey over her eyelids before standing back to admire her handiwork.

"Perfect!" Bloom clapped her hands together. "You are just beautiful darling!" she put down her brushes and spun around in a circle, stilettos clicking against the wooden floorboards.

Her giddiness was infectious and Dahlia found it eased the knots in her stomach.

"Doesn't she look positively fantastic?" Bloom boasted to Malaki.

"She does," agreed Malaki. He was sat in the leather armchair by the windowsill, long legs sprawled on a coffee table in front of him. He smiled when Dahlia glanced at him for some reassurance. "Darling, you look gorgeous," his eyes flickered to the round clock hanging on the wall.

It had only just struck ten. "I think we better start getting a move on. Darling, you should bring your things down to Finnick's before we leave. Bloom and I will follow you down to the gala and we'll find you in the crowd," he announced.

Dahlia rolled her suitcase out into the narrow hall and slammed the door shut. Her hair had been curled and the chestnut-coloured ringlets bounced down her back as she knocked on Finnick's door and waited for him to answer.

Dahlia's brain short-circuited when she saw Finnick. He was wearing a white button-up and a pair of loose-fitted black jeans hung around his hips. His golden locks had been flattened down with hair gel and a shark-tooth necklace dangled around his neck. "You scrub up well."

"I'll take that as a compliment," he grinned, closing the door once she was inside.

His hotel room was almost identical to hers: a small sofa and a television, a king-sized bed, an en-suite bathroom and a small kitchenette equipped with a microwave oven and a mini-fridge.

"There's space for your clothes here," he pointed to a chest of drawers underneath the television. "I figured you'd want somewhere to put your stuff, so I moved my things into the top drawer. The bottom three are all yours."

Something warm fluttered in Dahlia's chest. It travelled down the length of her body, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. "That was really kind but you didn't have to do that," she said, her voice muffled as she tore chunks of skin from around her fingernails. It was a nervous habit that she had been trying to break since she was a child.

"I wanted to," Finnick answered honestly. He ran his fingers over the fabric of the duvet absentmindedly while Dahlia continued biting her nails. After a long pause, he spoke up. "We should probably get going. Wouldn't want to keep our public waiting, now would we?"

In the hallway, he slid a room key into her palm. His touch sent an electric shock jolting down her spine and she fought back the impulse that told her to step away from him.

Finnick said that he wasn't sure what time he would be back.

Both their schedules were jam-packed with clients this evening so she doubted they would cross paths until the morning; she was seeing eight people tonight alone. Her stomach was beginning to twist as she thought about it.

As they pressed the button for the elevator and began to descend, Finnick noticed that her eyes were glazing over with that far-away look again.

He remembered Bloom holding her hand under the table to snap her back to reality but he didn't really want to touch her without permission. It might make things worse.

"Dahlia," he murmured, his voice low and soft, like he was afraid to say the wrong thing and send her retreating further into her own head.

Finnick was patient. He didn't shout or scoff or snap his fingers in front of her face. He led her out of the elevator, guiding her to sit down in a reception chair. He didn't sigh or check his watch or give up and leave without her. He simply collapsed into the chair opposite her and waited.

It took some time, but he could slowly see her coming back to reality. Her pupils shrunk to a normal size and some of the colour had returned to her face. Her blue eyes darted about as she blinked herself out of a daze.

"I moved us into the reception, I hope that's okay," he leaned forward and she nervously looked his way. "It's just that people were starting to get annoyed after our fourth ride up in the lift."

She cracked a smile but embarrassment was fast to creep up on her.

"Do you need a minute?" asked Finnick.

"I'm okay," she insisted, shaking her head defiantly. She wobbled onto her six-inch heels and ran her bloody hands down the front of her gown. Panic bubbled in her chest but the blood was gone when she blinked.

The breeze nipped at her exposed skin as they stepped into the crisp evening air. He pulled a taxi over to the curb with a wave of his hand and the two of them clambered into the back seat.

President Snow's mansion was crammed with guests by the time they arrived. People were spread across the front lawn, drinking flasks of champagne and chatting loudly. Dahlia linked her fingers with his as they walked up the garden steps.

A reporter for Capitol News was on their tail almost immediately. Eager to be the first with a fresh new story, he ambushed them from behind and shoved a microphone in their faces. "Hi, I'm Alistair D'Ettore with Capitol News. Do you mind if we have a minute of your time?"

"Of course you can!" Dahlia flashed a grin.

"I assume you've heard the rumours circulating as of late," Alistair's camera crew zoomed in on the pair as they nodded solemnly. "Is there anything you wish to say on the matter?"

Finnick took the lead on the question, clearing his throat and leaning into the microphone. "Well, I must admit, Alistair, this isn't how Dahlia and I wanted to break the news." He laughed modestly and the reporter urged him to continue. "In short, yes, the rumours are true."

"But we would like to make it clear that this is more than a fling," interjected Dahlia. "We're serious about each other," she smiled sweetly and batted her lashes at the camera.

Guests were beginning to circle around them and the groundbreaking news spread through the crowd like wildfire. Dahlia's fingers clenched his like a vice when people started shouting questions at them. He raised his free hand and silence rippled through the yard in an instant.

"We appreciate that you want to know what is going on and we're more than happy to set aside time to speak with a reporter," explained Finnick. He had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand and they clung to his every word as if it was gospel.

Without another word, Finnick turned on his heel and began weaving his way through group after group of Capitol citizens, with Dahlia in tow. Excitement broke out in the garden and it was quick to sweep into the banquet hall, too. People whispered and nudged their partners, pointing and staring as they manoeuvred around the hall.

Finnick leaned down and his lips brushed against the shell of her ear. "If gossip was gold," he whispered.

She hummed in agreement, pulling him towards the food tables at the far side of the room.

He took two glasses of red wine from a passing Avox and claimed a leather sofa while she got desserts. She balanced the full plates in between the crook of her elbows and flopped onto the sofa beside him.

"I wasn't sure what you liked so I just got a bit of everything," she said through a mouthful of lemon meringue. She hadn't been joking about getting a bit of everything —his plate was full, from banana bread and chocolate brownies to profiteroles and ice cream with a cup of strawberry jelly.

"Thank you," Finnick took the plate from her hands and set a glass of wine in front of her. He pierced a fork through a steaming slice of cherry pie. Tossing a piece of pastry into the air, he caught it in his mouth. She rolled her eyes and muttered something along the lines of 'show-off'. "You know, my mom used to make gooseberry pie every year for my birthday."

"Really? My mom used to make banana bread for mine," Dahlia smiled fondly at the memory. Finnick was about to answer her when someone rudely cut into their conversation.

"Do you mind if I steal her for a little while?" Sparrow interrupted. He slurred his words and swayed on the spot, roughly grabbing a hold of her arm and yanking her forward in her chair. Finnick sat up straight, ready to step in if necessary.

Sparrow leaned forward and the smell of brandy on his breath made Finnick's stomach turn. "I mean, I heard that you two are together, but I'm sure you don't mind sharing, do you now?" Sparrow grinned.

"Should we get out of here?" Dahlia rushed to her feet, guiding Sparrow away from Finnick before the two started throwing punches.

"I'll see you later!" she waved over her shoulder as Sparrow wrapped an arm around her waist, his hand creeping lower and lower as they left the banquet hall.

˚＊✿❀༓❀✿＊˚

It was four in the morning by the time she worked her way through her list of clients and made her way back to the hotel. It never got any easier and she had already cried in the taxi on the way home.

She took off her heels in the hallway and tip-toed barefoot through the corridor. She didn't want to wake up Finnick if he was only drifting off to sleep. The door squeaked open loudly and she grimaced in the darkness.

"Are you okay?"

Dahlia jumped out of her skin, her high heels falling out of her hands and colliding with the wooden floorboards. "Jesus Christ!" she hissed, clutching at her chest and willing her heart to slow down to a more respectable rate.

Finnick was sat cross-legged on the windowsill, wearing a pair of cotton pyjama bottoms and a faded t-shirt. "Sorry," he whispered sheepishly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

She sighed into her hands and he frowned worriedly. "It's okay, I just didn't think you were still up," she admitted flatly, shoulders drooping with exhaustion.

He could see her better in the harsh glow of moonlight. Her makeup was smudged and the puffy rings under her eyes made him wonder if she had been crying. She looked smaller like this. More vulnerable, like the life had been sucked out of her.

"Why are you still up anyway?" she asked.

"I wanted to make sure you got back alright," he ran a hand over his face and shrugged. His eyes softened when Dahlia turned around to get something out of her suitcase. Her back was covered in hickeys and he was sure his heart had just about shattered in his chest. "Are you alright?" he tip-toed his way across the room, making sure to keep a length of distance between them in case he scared her.

Dahlia pulled makeup wipes and a pair of pyjamas out of her suitcase. She glanced up with furrowed brows. "Yeah. Why?" she snapped.

He didn't say anything to that, because he knew that was how she kept herself together, lying and saying everything was okay when it wasn't.

He hadn't meant to corner her and he viciously shook his head so quickly that he almost got whiplash. "No, it's nothing," he insisted.

He knew better than anyone that this was hard to cope with, so if she wanted to pretend it didn't happen, he was happy to oblige. It was none of his business, anyway. "I'm gonna head to bed soon, I'm wrecked."

Guilt twisted her stomach into knots. "Sorry for snapping," she sighed, rubbing mascara out of her eye with her fist. "I won't be far behind you, anyway, I just need to take off my make-up."

Finnick nodded and slid under the covers while she crept into the bathroom. She locked the door and sat on the closed lid of the toilet seat with the faucet running. She muffled her sobs in her hands until the overwhelming feeling of shame passed.

Pulling herself together, she scrubbed at her face with the makeup wipes and changed out of her dress. Her pyjamas smelt like home and it eased the weight on her chest. Running a line of toothpaste over her teeth, she gathered her things together and turned off the light on her way out.

Finnick was lying flat on his back with his hands clasped behind his head, eyes fixed on the ceiling. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Finnick leaned up on his elbows when she retrieved a pillow from the bed and made her way towards the couch.

She pulled her suitcase over to the sofa and began tearing through the contents in search of her knitted blanket. "What does it look like? I'm going to sleep, dumbass."

"You are not sleeping on the couch!" he insisted, jumping out of the bed and snatching her pillow back while she untangled the blanket from a pair of shoes. "If you don't think I'll keep my hands to myself, you're wrong. I'm not like that," he reiterated, a slight undertone of hurt hidden in his voice.

"I know that," she scoffed at the insinuation. She hadn't meant it like that —Finnick was a lot of things but she knew he was not like the men who bought her company. In fact, that might have been the only thing she was certain of.

Her cheeks were flaming and she was glad that her curtain of curls did a good job of hiding it.

There was no other option but to tell him the truth, she supposed. "I have nightmares and sometimes I wake up screaming and thrashing about. I... kind of broke my sister's nose in my sleep before so this way, you're not gonna get hurt," she bit at her blunt nails and shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. As if it didn't affect her daily life.

Pity was the one thing she had no time for. People at home already looked at her like she was an injured puppy. The last thing she needed was to be treated like that in the Capitol, too.

Finnick pursed his lips and fired her pillow back onto the king-sized bed. "So? Doesn't matter to me," he casually brushed off her concerns and angled his head to meet her eye. "Besides, it's going to take a lot more than a broken nose to scare me away," he chuckled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pyjama bottoms.

Dahlia still seemed hesitant and he offered a hand to help her off the floor. "Come on, we better get some sleep or we'll have to listen to a lecture from Caspien and Bloom."

Dahlia was still resigned to the idea. "Are you sure?" she asked, giving him an opportunity to withdraw his proposal. She obviously didn't know him very well, as Finnick O'Dair was never one to back down from a challenge.

"Positive," he nodded and for some strange reason, she believed him. She tentatively took his hand in her free one and he hauled her to her feet. "Did your mom make that?" Finnick gestured to the knitted blanket folded over the crook of her elbow.

Dahlia shook her head and took uncertain steps towards the bed.

"Nope, I did," she climbed under the covers and ran the linen fabric between her fingers to get to grips with it.

"Impressive," he kept a respectable distance between them as he tucked his legs under the duvet, the rest of his body following suit. "I never would've put you down as a knitter."

"Well, there's a lot you don't know about me," she teasingly knocked her shoulder into his. "Night," she shifted onto her side and wrapped her arms around herself. Her head had barely hit the pillow before her eyes were fluttering shut and she was drifting off.

[kimtaegis]

I know like 70% of the time concept pics don't match the song/album, but I'm really curious what his album will sound like because wtf are these pictures? Flowers but also rock but also suit?

Hes so gorgeous though and I had to stare at his lips for a good 5 minutes 😂 And I think I have a new favorite Jimin haircolor because it looks crazy good on him!!

RIGHT, like the music in the clip is sooo intriguing too and is such a vibe oh I’m so excited where this is going but you’re right though we shouldn’t trust “concepts” lmao remember those butter teasers 😭

the hair colour is stunning on him I 100% agree!

[cosmicdreamgrl]

@cordiallyfuturedwight

when your heart’s just like a drum 

[jiinjiinjarra]

BTS // Media // Weverse Media // Membership // 210506 // 2021

date: 2021-05-06 // [EXCLUSIVE For ARMY] BTS 'Butter' Concept Clip

Cr. Weverse Media

[theknightmarket]

I did a tier list of the Markiplier Egos, so I thought I’d share it here – and, yes, perhaps some of these ratings indicate who I like to write, sue me. So, bottom to top, here it is:

Actor: Super Hell

         I goddamn hate Actor, as you could probably figure out. He’s a prissy bitch, who deserved everything that came to him. Okay, that might’ve been a bit of an exaggeration, but Jesus Christ do I hate him, mainly for causing Damien’s death, plus everything else, but mainly that. He deserves less than Super Hell, but that is the bottom of the barrel.

E-Boy Mark: F

         Reminded me too much of my boy Bing, and I did Not like it. Plus, I have the same tiger pattern on one of my jackets, and I did not want to be associated with this E-Boy. So, F tier.

Ed Edgar: F

         I hate babies. Simple as that. Props for being a cowboy aesthetic, but that mustache knocked him back down into F tier.

Derek Derekson: F

         Need I say anything? He’s abusive and a bitch, and I care too much about my baby Eric to put him any higher. I would put him lower, but Super Hell is reserved for Actor. F.

Silver Shephard: E

         I haven’t seen anything about him, except for the skit with all the other egos, in which I also did not see much. Cool costume, but no clue. E.

Dr. Iplier: E

         Again, not much. To be honest, both of the Egos in the E tier are ones I haven’t seen much of but know about. Hence, the doctor is here. Nice catchphrase, E tier.

Yandereiplier: D

         The animation is cool, I’ve always liked horror-blood elements, and the pictures of Yandere have the red hair, which I am a fan of. However, the game itself is a point down, and he is only for the sim, so D tier.

King of the Squirrels: D

         A classic start to the Ego train, so points given, but points taken away because I am not a huge fan of peanut butter. Squirrels I love, though, so again. Hence, D tier.

Bill: C

         Okay, so I haven’t seen the video he comes from actually, but I did see one clip of him saying ‘Oh, honey, no’ and, boy, did I feel flustered, and I don’t even know why! It was just weirdly sweet and reflects the kinda stuff you see in my S tiered Egos. But, alas, he’s not all that common in videos, so C.

Bim Trimmer: C

         I don’t know either, man, he’s just a funny guy. The image I have for him is so stupid, and he’s Bim Trimmer??? C’mon. C tier.

The Colonel: C

         Being separate from Wilford, he’s kinda lacking in substance compared to him, but I get it. Cuckolded a dude, which isn’t a great start, but it’s Actor, so I don’t care. Says ‘bully’, which is fun, but he does kill the viewer, so points off for him, putting him in C.

Google(s): C

         Might be influenced by my having a fic in the works for him, but I am also a sucker for AI, android stuff. Plus, the fanart I see for him is always cute. Him being rude to Bing takes him down a notch, though, so C.

Heehoo: C

         The concept of this guy is so funny to me – like, Jesus Christ, the Markiplier runs into the wild, completely naked, save for maybe shoes, of all things, and is fine??? The long hair pushes it over D, but the lack of a voice keeps him in C.

The Nightguard: C

         It’s mainly for the musical itself, and that one moment when he leans in and says ‘I killed a guy’ because obviously. Not to mention it’s Mark singing. However, this one can be excluded from being an ego because it is basing off of a pre-established character. So, C tier.

Captain Magnum: C

         I haven’t gone through his ending yet in AHWM (sue me, I got Yancy first), but I do love pirates ;) but I don’t love beards. Personal preference, it just takes away from the face. Basically, the aesthetic alone brings it into C tier.

Annus: B

         Now, I did watch, uh, [redacted] – catch my favorite video being the A.I generated basically fanfictions – and I loved the whole concept of it! The ending, especially during covid, kinda helped me get used to death and the idea of having to die in the end. However, some of this does not extend to the ego of Annus. I feel like there was a lot more they could have done with both Annus and Unus, but I understand that most of the audience would not have wanted it to be fully cryptid and ARG-esque, so B is both the lowest and highest I can go with him. I do love suits, though. 

Eric Derekson: B

         I have seen next to nothing about this boy! And I love him :D! He’s just so cute in everything I’ve seen and read. Solid B tier for the cute side, anyway. 

The Jims: B

         Honestly, it’s a goof ego, and I like that. The stupid movements and the little side bit about WKM made me happy after the sad events, and I saw them in Space, so I’m happy to put them at B, as a collective, of course.

Monster Gulch Mark: B

         I’m a sucker for apocalypses, man. The casual murder plot caught my eye, and then the second song was a banger, too. I was super disappointed when nothing ever came out from Monster Gulch again, and I appreciate the running water thing, if you know what I mean by that. So, for both Mark in this and the musical in general, B tier.

God of Night: B

         Dope aesthetic and I am a sucker for deity-stuff. However, I do not have the attention span to watch a 3+ hour video where he is not in all of it, and was, maybe, recorded without a hard script? I don’t know, but I know I should watch it considering I have a fic queued for him. Cool concept, but I can’t watch so much of that in one go. B tier.

Noir: A

         You remember that I said I love suits, right? Well, this guy, in a disheveled suit, the noir aesthetic – one that I loved since I saw Into the Spider-Verse – and the voice over??? A tier, and I will take no comments. Also, there’s something to be said about how the lower tiers tend to have the cocky-know-it-all egos, and the higher tiers are soft guys. This, the A tier, is a weird exception.

Murdock: A

         No. 1, the murder – no. 2, the vibe – no. 3, the outfit! The moment I saw Murdock, I had to put the screen down and go for a walk. You’ve seen this man, you understand what I mean. A tier, for everything he’s involved in.

Dark: A

         This is probably lower than a lot of people would put him, and I’m still debating putting him higher, but A tier is the least I will go. Again, there’s the suit, plus, I’m a fan of the glitchy, multi-emotion thing he has going on. However, as many of you will remember, he did shove the viewer into a mirror and steal their body. Not great on his part, but he is against Actor, and the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Hence, A tier, plus he does stage himself sexily on that desk, so…

Engineer: A

         This guy is plain cute. He’s devoted, he’s hard-working, he appreciates the aesthetics! He really should be in A+ tier, considering I have a sticker of him, too, except for one tiny snag. Actor. He is the source of all my trouble and complicates things in the theory sense. Is Engineer actually Actor? We don’t know, and I don’t like to think I would put anyone related to Actor in A+. So, sorry, my dear boy, he has to be in A tier.

Bing: A+

         If you’ve seen my other posts, you may already understand why he’s here, but I will reiterate for every who doesn’t know. I don’t know what it is, but the dumb, skateboarder-bro, with a heart of gold is a thing I love. The glasses are cool, the orange I adore, and an android? C’mon, I can’t put him anywhere but A+. (I also have a sticker of him on the laptop I am currently writing this on)

Host: A+

         I had to go searching for Host after the sketch with all of the egos in it, and, boy, was I overjoyed to find him. The blind-fold and narrator bit, and a couple of fics I’ve read influenced this decision. A+ tier, but it’s a controversial one. (Another that I have a sticker of)

Wilford: A+

         Yeah, this is just where he belongs. S tier is reserved for two egos here, and so Wilford is a banger in A+ tier. The whole fruity-bisexual-timelord thing is amazing, and, as far as character design goes, oof, the fluffy hair, slightly unbuttoned shirt? I am swooning. A+ tier. (Also, a sticker)

Illinois: A+

         This guy has two belts. What a dude. And the flirty thing I appreciate, the whip cracks, as well. Him walking backwards through a bunch of traps is pique douche, but in an oh-my-god-he’s-going-to-get-himself-killed-better-help-him kind of way. Like pulling a drowning dog out of a pool and them shaking off. A+.

Can you guys guess who’s at the top of this list? If you can’t, lemme tell you. 

Damien: S

         Damien is my comfort character, and that sucks because – spoilers – he is dead. I forgive him for shoving the viewer into a mirror, solely for his adorable personality and all of the fics people have for him prior to poker night. The ‘little monster’ nickname has me squealing every time I hear it, and I could fully write an essay on his character. Fuck Actor for killing him, and fuck anyone who doesn’t think he’s amazing. Solid S tier, no questions. 

Yancy: S

         Objectively the best character. He was my first ending in AHWM, I love his song, he applied for parole??? Look at that man, listen to him talk – the accent omg – and tell me, genuinely, that you would not do anything for him. Look me in the eyes and tell me that he isn’t the light of your life. ‘Free as a buird’ – gods, he’s adorable, and a sticker that I have on the inside of my laptop, to boot!

And that’s it! Feel free to reblog or send me an ask telling me your opinion, but know that I will fight you if you disagree on my S tiers :D

Have a good day everyone!

[aimmyarrowshigh]

For the WIP meme. You knew I would zero in on this one...

Star Wars - Damerey.docx (This is In Screaming Color)

Of course! :P

First off, if you haven't read what's been posted yet -- it's here on AO3.

I'm not going to lie, the main reason that I stopped working on it, and stepped away from SW/Damerey as a whole, is because the Damerey fandom became an especially toxic mudhole in a particularly toxic fandom. I still love this story, and I have a lot more written than is posted, but

a) I don't write longfic in chronological order, so I can't post what I have without writing the in-between bits that aren't as interesting to me, and

b) I stopped particularly wanting to give Damerey fandom nice things because it stopped being a place of people who deserved nice things.

The mass bullying of my bb @dracosollicitus in particular, who BUILT that ship on her BACK p much, was my kind of last straw, and at the same time, TLJ/ROS didn't follow through on the goodness of TFA, and also WandaVision came out, so my brain was just like, "I GUESS WE'RE A MARVEL NOW INSTEAD."

But, like I said, I DO still love this story and man, I have a lot of it already written and it doesn't totally suck, so I do intend to SOMEDAY finish it. But I literally mean "someday." Like, it may well be for The Force Awakens' 30th Anniversary Rerelease With The Poe/Rey Hug Scene, or something. It definitely isn't on my immediate TBW pile. But it IS still in the WIP folder and not the WIP Amnesty pile.

Here's a clip of the unposted-yet stuff:

“You,” Poe says, setting his tray down beside Rey’s, “Need to have a talk with your droid.” Rey looks up from her bowl of porridge. She’s covered it with so much sugar that it looks like Hoth in a bowl. “I don’t have a droid, Poe.” “Artoo,” Poe says. He takes the sugar shaker from her scavenger cache and tips some into his caf. “It’s corrupting Beebee-Ate!” Rey actually stops chewing at that, and she wipes her mouth first on the back of her wrist, and belatedly, a napkin. She’s learning. “Is Beebee-Ate alright? I didn’t even think about bugs when Artoo came back online, but do you know, I don’t think it’s been defragged since before the Clone Wars. I’ll take a look through its databank and give it a good wipe as soon as I’ve finished eating. Beebee, too, if you like?” “No, not—really, the Clone Wars?” Poe shakes his head. “Not corrupt like programming. Corrupt like—like—” Poe leans down towards his tray and starts to maim his toast with butter. “It is exposing Beebee-Ate to concepts that Beebee is too young for.” “Beebee-Ate’s much newer than Artoo.” Rey still sounds baffled. “If anything, wouldn’t Beebee-Ate expose Artoo to new material and concepts? Especially after so long in hibernation?” Poe stabs the joganfruit jam. It oozes satisfyingly. “I mean that Beebee-Ate is a child and Artoo is being inappropriate with it.” Rey makes a very strange sound. When Poe looks over, she is very kindly hiding her laughter in her knuckles, but her eyes are bright. “Poe… I don’t think droids work that way. Beebee-Ate’s got a cute little personality, but it’s not actually—” “I don’t want Beebee-Ate to swear and know about—merging programming,” Poe huffs. Of course Rey doesn’t understand this; she’s couldn’t possibly feel the same kind of compunction to protect vulnerable little star-bright things from the shameful, dirty realities of being an old, battered veteran. Like R2D2. (The kriffing Clone Wars, and it’s never been defragged? No wonder it went offline so long.) “Oh,” says Rey, sitting back in her hard plastic chair. “So that explains why Beebee-Ate rolled straight for Threepio this morning.” “What?” Poe half-stands to crane his neck and look around the mess. “I thought Beebee was in the hangar!” “No, they’re right over there.” Rey points to the far corner of the mess. Poe can just barely hear the words “parts assembly” and “motherboard,” and then BB-8 gives a surprised [beep!] and rolls back a half-measure. Its dome swivels in a circle that looks embarrassed, or maybe like the droid’s concept of ‘self’ has changed, which is entirely likely. Poe raises his eyebrows at it when Beebee’s optical finds him. He mouths, “You’re in trouble, buddy.”

[aajjks]

I also think that seven is not directly related to ARMYs or BTS but remember that concept photos don't necessarily have to coincide with the song. Remember butter era during which different clips if the boys were released? many thought of something dark and instead... and then kmedia said that the song is very cheerful summer and they said that she will be playing a heroine so she could connect with our fandom. We know how much Jungkook loves us. I'm really excited for SEVEN

haha of course I’m just saying that I think that the song is going to be a little sexual if that’s the right word? like the full name is “seven days a week” idk.

[bratbarzal]

On Your Side (NH13) / Chapter Six

Pairing: Nico Hischier x Fem!OC Poppy Jensen*

*I say it's an OC, it's just a name and third person POV. I use minor character descriptions because I don’t get on with writing vague reader inserts/YN for long-form, story heavy fics, but I will generally try to avoid including race and body type or really any physical descriptors. I’m always open to feedback on my writing, or how to be more inclusive.

WC: 15k

Chapter Warnings: believe it or not there's fluff in here. very very cute scenes I have to say. but obviously encompassed by angst. a fluff sandwich with angsty bread if you will. and the butter is nico's continuous pining. luke being the ultimate girls girl, wise beyond his years god bless him, the rest of the boys being soft, Nico's family being endearing, and then here we go!!! mentions of vomiting and food aversion, mentions of pregnancy & early pregnancy symptoms, I want to say there's mentions of drowning I remember thinking of the imagery and I can't remember how detailed I went with it sorry! it isn't actual drowning just like a metaphor of sorts. mentions of the birth control patch if you've ever had it you KNOW that needs a full trigger warning whoever came up with that deserves jail it's hell it's horror!! and mentions of poor parental relationships.

Series Masterlist

Previous Part (Chapter Five)

A/N: potentially fun fact the last scene in this chapter is maybe the second thing I ever wrote for this fic!! like as a concept/idea it was one of the earliest scenes in my head and it's one of my faves!! I've been dying to get to this part to flesh it out and figure out how to build to it and I'm really happy with how it turned out!! writing for families of real people is such an odd concept but I really like the differences in their parents lmao it's fun to write and compare the dynamics obviously it goes without saying I do not know these people lmao

I know the last chapter broke a couple hearts so I'll leave you guys to crack on! as always, never proofread, and as always, would love to hear your thoughts and opinions!!! all the love in my heart to anyone who messaged me this last week on anon or not or private or whatever it may be I appreciate you so much yous have been so so kind to me and it means the world 💖

Nico

If anyone were to ever ask Nico what his favourite trait of Poppy’s is, he knows for a fact he would not be able to narrow it down. She’s a culmination of all things good, has been from the day he met her, and even the things he shouldn’t like about her, he loves.

He shouldn’t like that she’s sarcastic, quick-witted - scarily so - and sometimes says things before she has the chance to properly think about them or any problems they may cause her. He remembers his first couple of years in Jersey, when he was one of the more junior players on the team, still considered new to the country and the culture, and a lot of people had underestimated how familiar he was speaking English despite his years playing in Canada and growing up learning multiple languages. They would often default to explaining things like he wouldn’t understand, like common terms or jokes told amongst a group - and he, being too polite to correct them, had always ended up feeling like an idiot for it. 

There had been one instance prepping for a media day, where he had only met Poppy once a week or so before, and she had been prepping him to be on camera, clipping his mic pack and checking the settings. 

One of the other media staff, a guy called Liam who was in his second year where Poppy was in her first and had been the one she had to initially shadow, had cracked some misogynistic joke to her about how she was messing around with controls she didn’t understand just to be able to stand closer to Nico, as if he wasn’t right there or couldn’t hear him - and then when he had seen Nico’s furrowed brow and downturned lips, had assumed he didn’t understand the joke because he hadn’t laughed.

“It’s because she thinks you’re hot!” The guy had obnoxiously enunciated every word, capturing the attention of some of the more senior assistants in the room who had rolled their eyes just as hard as Nico had.

“He’s from Europe, Liam, not Jupiter. You don’t have to speak to him like he’s some alien.” Poppy had shook her head, caring so little about the fact that Liam had seniority over her, fitting the pack into Nico’s back pocket without him even feeling it, “He understands your slimy little jokes, he just doesn’t find you funny. Nobody does.”

Nico shouldn’t have liked her speaking on his behalf as much as he did, coming to his defence with her sharp tongue and cold glare, but no one had ever picked up on how uncomfortable that kind of thing made him before. The stupid jokes and the belittling tone Liam had used toward him. Poppy saw through both.

And all of her good is even better.

Poppy is positive. He has never seen her leave a room without having caused at least one smile or laugh. She’s someone he’s seen most of the guys perk up around, seek her out for help or even mundane conversation just to lighten the load, and he knows he’ll never be able to keep track of all the times he’s gone to her for a pick me up over the years.

She’s generous. Generous with her time when it comes to her friends, always making sure to maintain plans even when she’s at her busiest. When it comes to her work, staying late to help out a colleague or finish a project so it isn’t left to the last minute. With her knowledge and experience, always there for new members of staff or additions to the team to show them all her favourite spots in the area and get them up to speed with their role.

She is patient - waits around for him when he gets stuck doing media, or held behind to see the physio, and she never complains. She’ll never watch an episode of a show they start together without him, despite the fact his schedule doesn’t often allow for him to stay up late catching up, and she doesn’t moan when she gets spoiled if it’s something that comes out weekly and ends up being a hot topic in the office, doesn’t even spoil it for him out of spite. She even pauses the tv as soon as she notices he’s fallen asleep, and she’ll busy herself doing something else until she feels like he’s rested enough to drive home. 

And, above all, she’s forgiving. If someone were to push for an answer, and they were to have done so before this whole mess happened, he probably would have said that was his favourite thing. It’s like her superpower - to be able to understand things from a different perspective without judgement or a major confrontation. It’s like her default process is to give people grace and make things easy, even if they aren’t entirely deserving of that way out.

She had done so with Nico, that night up on the roof. He hadn’t deserved her leniency, not entirely. He had expected he would have to grovel and beg, and he had been more than willing to do so, but she had wanted to avoid further heartache for the both of them, and had decided to move on. 

And sure, she hadn’t technically forgiven him at that point for the way he had treated her, not properly, but she had put him on the path to redemption, and had made it clear what was expected to make it all the way there.

She’d gone easy on him, in spite of how much he had hurt her. She’d been patient with his reasoning, generous with her time, and had done so with an affectionate glint in her eyes that even now makes his heart warm to think about.

It’s the same glint she’d had when she’d come out of that elevator and had seen him by her door. He’d watched her take him in, eyes cast over him in a concerned assessment, and he knew then that no matter what he said, no matter how he explained what had led him to leave her that morning without a word, she would have forgiven him.

She would have found some way to rationalise what he had done, and put how it made her feel to the side in the name of moving on.

And he had seen his life flash before his eyes. 

Nights of coming home to her, muscles weak, brain fogged, and she’d give him that same look and accept what little he had to offer her. She’d be patient, she’d be forgiving. She wouldn’t get mad that he didn’t have time to take her on dates or trips, wouldn’t bite back when he got snappy after a couple of successive losses and let his frustrations come between them, would resign herself to those little parts of him she’d get to herself in the summer, when he wasn’t training or travelling or trying to fit everyone else in, and would swallow down the longing for something more because she loved him. 

And he couldn’t subject her to that, no matter how much she tried to fight him on it, or tried to call him out. 

No matter how much he wanted to be better for her, how much he wanted her to change his mind, the one quality he loved so much was going to be their demise, and so he had relied on it to cling on to the one thing he can give her.

Friendship.

Even if she won’t accept it for a while. Even if she wants to tell him to leave, and to ignore his texts, and his calls, and his efforts to bump into her at work, she has to forgive him. It’s who she is. 

She’ll forgive him and they can be friends.

Eventually.

And so with the weight of her bracelet in his pocket the whole walk home that night, Nico had decided that he could take a leaf out of Poppy’s book. 

He could be patient while she came to terms with what he had done. He could be generous with the space she needed. He could be positive and push down the bubbling doubt that she’ll forgive him at all.

—

Space happens to be the one thing Nico struggles with the most when it comes to Poppy. Especially conceptualised in the way that it has become - because he can’t physically give her space, they work in the same building. They share the same friends, they end up in the same rooms, and his resolve is as weak as ever where she is concerned, especially when she’s so close, so his generosity ends up being the trait that wains first.

He will give it to himself, he has been trying. He hasn’t been texting her as much as he wants to, understanding that bombarding her with begging and pleading is not only pathetic, but could also be considered harassment. And that will do him no favours in trying to earn back her favour.

But the other night he had been up on the roof after a long day, the air cold but the evening nice, and as he looked out across the Hudson, he had remembered how Poppy had once said her favourite time of the day, and her favourite thing about where she lives, was getting to see the sunset. 

On the early winter evenings, when she’d not long gotten home from work, she liked looking out her window and basking in what she had called cotton candy skies. Swirls of pinks and greyish purples behind the rows of skyscrapers on the other side of the river, all of which reflected the lowering sun in a glimmering, golden glow. He had taken a picture and sent it straight over with the thought that she might be missing it, and he just wanted to let her know. 

Even avoiding him, even wanting space, he was hoping she would at least appreciate that.

The sentiment attached to the picture had read, Just in case you don’t catch this yourself. And as he periodically checked his phone for the rest of the night, he had realised she had probably turned her read receipts off.

At least she hadn’t blocked him.

Nico had, however, started to get creative when it came to work.

Unable to stifle the need to check up on her, or to make sure something happened to brighten her day, he had taken to recruiting the rest of the guys to help.

He should have known how easy it would be, his first enlistment being Jack, who he knew would visit Poppy often, anyway. Only, now he did so with a drink in hand. Peach iced tea if his trip to her office was anytime after lunch, and a hot chai with oat milk if it was before. Nico had initially suggested snacks, but Jack had ended up eating them, himself, which turned out to be useful when it came to bribing him for information.

According to Jack, she was doing okay. Cracking jokes, rolling her eyes at the stupid nicknames he would come up with, and overall she seemed like her normal self. No signs of insurmountable heartache - not Jack’s words, but his own deduction.

He had been surprised at the lack of questions from him, but Jack knows when not to push something, so maybe he had decided to go easy on Nico for now.

Timo had been making sure she was breaking for lunch, checking in every few days so it wasn’t obvious.

John and Bass had taken to calling dumb jokes out to her every time they saw her in the halls, just to make her crack.

Curtis and Dougie had signed themselves up for the mentoring sessions she had been chasing them for since the season had started.

She had been fine with everyone - she smiled, she laughed, she joked, she engaged in conversation - and it was like nothing had happened.

Only, when Nico had felt brave enough to attempt even just eye contact, she wouldn’t even look at him.

No matter how many of the guys reported back that she was doing fine, he could see it every time he looked at her. 

He could see it even when he wasn’t looking at her - that teary, pleading frown she had given him as she had tried to take his hand, the resigned acceptance he had seen when she’d monotonously told him that they had made a mistake, assuming she was mirroring his own sentiments, the tremble in her lip as she had waited for him to leave with her head down at the door.

He thinks about it more often than is healthy, in situations where his focus should really be elsewhere.

Like in the gym, arms shaking as he attempts to lift more than he has in a while, and Jonas who is spotting him has to intervene before he ends up getting crushed.

Like in training, adrenaline pumping as his mind races all over the place, weaving around the defensemen and making sloppy attempts to swipe the puck until he finds himself on the weaker side of a nasty check by Luke that he can’t even argue was unwarranted.

Or in important debriefs in the small team auditorium, where one of their associate coaches, Travis, is going over team strategy before they travel to play the Canes, and he really should be absorbing all the information for such a crucial game - the potential to build on their current 2 game winning streak theirs for the taking - but all he can think about is the looming distance between him and Poppy.

They’re going down to Tampa after, and then head straight into the All Stars break. He isn’t going to see her for almost 2 weeks. Isn’t going to be able to send anyone to check up on her - not without rousing suspicion at least.

He thinks having Bratter knock on her door at home might ring alarm bells.

The distracted glance Nico casts towards the creaking door of the auditorium as it opens is instinctual and fleeting, but all his senses go into high alert when he sees who comes through it. 

The guys have been right, for the most part.

She does look okay.

She looks put together - probably more than he has looked the last two weeks without her, having barely shaved and punishing himself with a borderline dangerous lack of rest - her smart casual attire is neat and co-ordinated, a buttoned up red cardigan and long, dark trousers, her hair up in a ponytail that sways with her movement, and the only indicator that she has any sort of discomfort is the slight purse of her lips where he can tell she’s chewing at the corner.

Travis has become background noise - whatever he’s saying Nico is sure he can catch up on another time - and all he can focus on is the way she watches the coach with genuine interest.

Poppy is the kind of person that gives anyone the time of day - makes them feel like whatever it is they’re saying is the most important thing in the world, and he yearns for a day where her attentions are directed his way again. 

“And Poppy is here from the Youth Foundation,” Her name is one way to get his focus back, Nico’s eyes having not left her figure since she snuck in, leaning beside the door with a binder in hand. He follows as she descends the few stairs to the bottom and moves beside Travis, holding the binder to her chest as she smiles to the rest of the guys. “They have a favour to ask of anyone with some free time that you’re willing to give in your week off, she’s more likely to convince any of you than I am so I’ll just hand straight over.”

“Thank you, Mr Green,” she flicks the binder open, and Nico finds himself holding his breath in anticipation of her looking up and accidentally meeting his eyes, even for a second. “I know you guys are well overdue some time off, and we’d never usually ask so close to the fact, but we have a clinic out in Garfield on the 29th, we’ve donated a bunch of equipment and have some money to donate for the programme they have, and we were supposed to have Patrik Elias out to present it to the kids up there but he’s been held back in Czechia and won’t make it.”

Nico fights the urge to do something stupid like shoot up and volunteer straight away - if not for the fact that he’s supposed to be giving her space and shouldn’t force himself into her good graces, then for the fact his parents will be back in town by then, and he has plans throughout the week with them. Him looking desperate is the least of his concerns.

“If any of you are gonna be around, it would just be for the afternoon, a couple pictures and maybe some skating with the kids. There’s also one of those huge fancy cheques if you’re into showboating,” she tries to sell it, and earns a few affectionate snickers, but Nico knows these guys - while they’re generous people, and he loves them all, and knows they all love her, they’re exhausted, and have been waiting too long for a week of reprieve. 

He kicks at the shin of whoever happens to be sat closest to him. Holtzy. Perfect. He knows he was planning to stay in Jersey. It earns him a glare, but it captures his attention enough so that Nico can level him with a stern look back. 

“If anyone wants to do it, just swing by my office-,”

“I’ll do it,” Alex raises his hand after rolling his eyes and acquiescing to his captain, faking a smile Poppy’s way.

“Oh,” she doesn’t mask the surprise on her face, her lips parting in shock and eyes rounding in disbelief. She looks to Travis who just gives an approving nod in response. 

And, only because he snickers in amusement, Nico kicks Dawson, too. He hasn’t sent him Poppy’s way yet, he’s overdue his turn, and it’s his own fault for laughing at Holtzy’s misfortune. 

“Me too,” Dawson sighs, raising his hand as well and kicking back at Alex when he laughs in turn at him. 

“That was easier than I thought, thank you guys, the kids will be over the moon with the two of you!”

Nico wishes he was the recipient of the smile she gives the both of them. It’s the biggest smile he’s seen her wear in recent weeks, and he can see the light reflect in sparkles in her eyes from all the way across the room. 

That should hold him off for a bit - that little bit of warmth she gives. And sure, it isn’t directed his way, but he can settle with the fact that he’s technically the cause of it. Maybe when he’s down in Raleigh or Tampa he’ll see that smile instead of the other look etched into his recent memory.

“That’s all I’ve got, I’ll leave you guys to your meeting, thanks again!”

He watches her the whole way out, until the door swings closed behind her retreating figure, and his mind races with a surge of misplaced adrenaline for the rest of the debrief.

That’s most of the guys checked off his list, now.

Dawson and Alex are going to help her out with the hockey clinic, John and Nate have been making their way through the worlds worst dad jokes for the past two weeks to relay back to her, Jack is on drink duties, Timo on lunch, Curtis and Brendan are hopefully slowly thawing the ice with cute pictures of their kids. Jonas, Dougie, Haula, Dawsy, Pally - majority of the team have been recruited on his mission to keep her spirits up. Those who haven’t yet had a task are more than willing to play along.

All except one.

His attention drifts over to a mop of curly hair a few rows down, slumped in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest, and though he can’t see his face from where he’s sat, Nico imagines it bears the same angered frown it had when he’d checked him on the ice, earlier. 

Luke is pissed, even as distracted as Nico has been lately, that much is obvious, and he needs to get him on side if he has a chance of ever fixing things with Poppy.

He had underestimated their relationship, when he’d given it some thought, before. When they had been talking about Poppy that one time on the flight back from the Capitals game, and Luke had suggested she had deeper feelings than Nico had ever previously considered.

He had assumed because he’s never seen them together much, that they weren’t as close as Poppy and Jack seem to be, but he knows now he was wrong. 

Luke can be reserved to most, cast in the ever present shadow of his older brothers and held to unfair standards, but he is quietly observant, Nico has noticed, and he clearly sees more of Poppy than he lets on.

He knows Luke is protective over her, that he cares more than he’ll probably ever say.

He hadn’t overshared something she wouldn’t have been comfortable with when they’d had that initial conversation about him and Poppy pretending not to be into each other. He had told Nico to talk to her, had called him out on suppressing his feelings for her and pushed him to take action.

And when he had encountered Nico with Talia in the elevator back in their apartment building, he had been disappointed. 

Jack had been awkward, and evasive, but Luke had a clenched jaw and a purposely avoidant gaze. 

He thinks he gets it.

Luke had encouraged Nico to pursue Poppy, and in his pursuit, Nico had ended up hurting her.

As much as he definitely blames his captain, Luke also blames himself, and Nico of all people knows how frustrating that can be. 

When Travis calls time on the meeting, and the group disperse, Nico rushes down the steps as the boys flood out of the room and catches up to Luke with hastened steps.

“I need to talk to you,” Nico falls in line beside him, a hand clapped authoritatively on his upper back to guide him off his path and toward the locker rooms.

“Can it wait? I’m hungry,” Luke huffs, trying to resist the rerouting but falling victim to one of Nico’s infamous glares.

“Don’t make me pull rank,” he sighs as he yanks the heavy door open, his free hand gesturing for him to enter while the one on his back gives a light shove, “In.”

“Look, I’m sorry for the check earlier, it was a dick move, I didn’t mean it,” Luke starts as Nico follows him into the otherwise empty room, closing the door behind him and gesturing for Luke to take a seat.

“Come on, Luke, I’m not an idiot,” Nico scoffs, “You’re pissed at me. You have been since you saw me with Talia back in our building, but you’ve got the wrong idea,”

“Your personal life is none of my business,” Luke says like it’s something he’s been taught, something he’s rehearsed, and there isn’t a doubt in Nico’s mind that he and Poppy have been the topic of conversation in the Hughes household since the day he had run into them, maybe even before. Jack has been avoiding the topic like he’d never seen it happen, giving Nico a breather where he had initially thought he would call him out - but it’s becoming increasingly clear that Luke is the actual confrontational one of the two of them.

“If you have something to say to me, I’d rather you just come out with it than check me in a practice game, Hughes.” Nico sighs, leaning against the door to block Luke’s path out and staring him down until he relents. He has never thought he would be thankful for someone checking him before, especially not in a practice game, but the minor hit has given him the perfect opportunity to clear the air.

“Fine. I don’t like how you treated Poppy,” he says, plainly, “She’s supposed to be your friend, you don’t do that to someone you care about.”

“Carry on.” Nico thinks a part of him is urging Luke to argue because Poppy won’t, and he needs to have someone he can vent to - even if it’s someone who won’t side with him. He probably prefers it that way, ever the glutton for punishment.

“If you didn’t like her the same way, you shouldn’t have led her on, she deserves better than that.”

“I agree.”

“And she-,” his eyes narrow, “You agree?”

“I didn’t break things off because I don’t like her the same way, I did it because I do,”

“I hope you understand how stupid that sounds.” Luke rolls his eyes as he throws himself into his cubby, running a hand through his curls in frustration.

“I know it might not make sense, but I’m trying to do what’s right. She deserves someone who can give her one hundred percent of themselves, who isn’t away all the time and isn’t constantly stressed out of their mind or too tired to function.” He finds himself relaying Talia’s exact sentiments, and the memory of that particular conversation makes his stomach churn. 

“I care about her too much to end up being the guy who can’t make her happy. I know you of all people understand that to some extent, Luke.” It’s one of the few flaws of making it to the elite level of their sport - the lack of balance between their career and their personal entanglements. They’ve both spent their lives wanting nothing but to win and succeed, and it’s always going to be difficult to come to terms with, but the cold, hard truth is that they can’t have everything without paying the price for it. Something will have to give, and it would be an injustice for that something to be Poppy. “It wouldn’t be fair to her to start something that I can’t put my all into. So, I agree, she deserves better.”

“You know what else she deserves, Nico?” Luke stands from his point on the bench, the inch between them seeming more than it really is when he’s dishing out home truths like punches to the gut. “She deserves to make her own decisions. She deserves for you to be honest with her and not let your ego get in the way of what she might want.”

There it is again. Luke letting on that he knows something he doesn’t about Poppy. Unease spreads throughout his every nerve ending.

He’s always been the one who knows Poppy. Who understands her. Who gets how she thinks and grasps how she feels. 

Luke might think he does, but he doesn’t. Not like Nico.

Nico, who can’t quite fathom how he’s ended up being schooled on how to treat a woman by a 20 year old. By Luke. 

“It isn’t ego,” he mutters in denial, but it’s no use. Luke is scarily prompt to retort - especially when it comes to defending Poppy, Nico knows by now. It would be endearing if it didn’t frustrate him to no end.

“Really? ‘Cause it sounds to me like you’re so afraid to fail with her that you won’t even try.”

“I don’t want to hurt her.” He knows again that’s a pathetic excuse. Poppy had called him out on it, herself. But surely the hurt now is nothing in comparison to the hurt that could be. 

The hurt that comes with the demise of an actual relationship. Of building and building and building something, putting in years of tiresome efforts only for it to be demolished just as the final brick is laid. Of the ever-growing love between the two of them wilting into something sad and lifeless.

He can take the silent treatment. He can take the avoidance.

He won’t be able to handle that.

“How’s that going for you?” 

Luke isn’t trying to be mean, he knows that, but it doesn’t lessen the sharpness of his words - the truth digging into the most sensitive parts of Nico’s skin so deep that he feels like he’s bleeding out.

Nico sits down himself, no longer blocking the exit and allowing for Luke to leave of his own accord - only, the younger boy sits beside him, heaving out a prologued sigh and giving his captain a friendly pat on his leg. 

“Just give her time, she’ll come around, and then the two of you can talk. And when you do, you owe it to her to be open about what you both want. If you can promise me you won’t do anything else to hurt her, I’ll promise you to stop checking you in practice.”

“Sounds fair,” Nico agrees, mustering up a weak smile to give to the younger defensemen before Luke stands up. “Sorry for cornering you.”

“You’re fine, I was being an idiot.” Luke shrugs, making his way over to the door, and only because he clearly can’t help himself, he stops before leaving. “You see how easy that was to admit?”

Nico usually has better aim, and he blames Luke’s speedy departure for the way the pad he throws hits the wall with a soft whack.

Frustration is a feeling Nico doesn’t think he has ever been as familiar with as he has been lately. 

He’s frustrated as a player - the team unable to keep a winning streak to save their lives, having lost both of their games on the road last week and the mentality of the locker room dwindling with every week that passes that they don’t keep their momentum going.

Frustrated as a captain, specifically for the teammates they keep dropping to injury. Jack, Timo, Eric, Pally all dipping in and out with scratches, the roster dwindling with every passing game.

Frustrated as a friend, guilt building every time he thinks about Jack becoming more reserved in the days leading up to the All Star break, his shoulder putting him out of contention to play and the team having to send Jesper as their representative in his place. 

And, it goes without saying, frustrated when it comes to Poppy - who he had hoped would be in attendance when he had elected himself to take Jesper’s place at the signing and Q&A session he had scheduled at the end of the week. When he had come all the way out to the Rock and sought her out in the Foundation offices after volunteering, he had found out she had been off sick since that day in the auditorium, so his frustrations had crescendoed to an all time high. 

Even his parents being back in town hasn’t helped - his mother more observant than he likes to think, and she has been pecking away at any attempts of a cool exterior with more questions than he thinks he’s going to be on the receiving end of at this Q&A.

Nico has never been one to complain about any kind of community event, but the thought of having to spend all day plastering on a fake smile and pretending he isn’t at his boiling point is proving to be difficult.

So, when Jessica, the media admin who had been debriefing him on what was going to be posted on the team socials, had finally finished and had left to liaise with one of her colleagues, he had sent his mother, Katja, away to grab him a drink before the signing started. 

He just needs a moment of quiet. Where he can self-level the anxiety that is currently crushing him like a bug, take some deep breaths, and mentally prepare for the overwhelming social interactions he is about to endure. 

He wishes Poppy could be there.

He had tried texting her, just to check on her, but again, she hadn’t replied, and the thoughts have been swirling into something ugly within him the longer he has gone not knowing where or how she is.

Is she actually even sick, or is this just another attempt to stay out of his way?

The breathing clearly isn’t working, he thinks. Maybe walking might help.

Or maybe walking straight into the front of the girl who is the cause of all his frustrations might help.

As soon as he sees her, he feels guilt prick at his nerves like continuous, thick needles pushing into the flesh.

When he thinks back on the weeks before, he doesn’t entirely know if he had wanted her to look worse for wear, but as he takes her in now, he realises he hadn’t.

This is the furthest thing from what he had wanted for her.

Poppy stands before him a paler version of herself - eyes sunken, lips chapped, a slight sheen to her forehead that has caused the baby hairs around there to curl up and stick to her skin. 

Her boss Elaine had said she was sick and he had selfishly spiralled into the assumption it was just another attempt to avoid any contact him, but now his chest feels heavy with a mixture of shame and worry.

She takes a moment too long to gather herself after their initial collision, and his words feel heavy in his mouth as he asks, “Are you okay?”

“What are you doing here?” Her voice is hoarse, and the way she blinks up at him is slow and fatigued. 

“What are you doing here? You don’t look like you should be working.”

“I’m fine.” She definitely doesn’t sound fine. “Where’s Jesper?

“Bratter went to Toronto to take Jack’s place in the All Stars, they didn’t tell you?” It hadn’t been a last minute decision, so he isn’t sure how she wouldn’t know already.

“Oh,” she frowns, and if he wasn’t so worried, he’d find it cute how she looks like she’s trying to recall a memory where that information had been relayed to her. “Yeah, I think they did. They didn’t tell me who’s replacing him, though.”

“That would be me.” He doesn’t point out that it should be obvious.

“That seems like overkill.” There’s a hint of familiarity that he feels at the quip, and Nico doesn’t know if she’s trying to crack a joke or trying to be rude - he doesn’t care, either way. When he notices her squinting against the light, he subtly shifts until she’s no longer facing it directly.

“I volunteered.” He admits, and he watches as realisation sinks in. He volunteered just to be near her, and if she calls him out on it, he’s in no fit state to deny it. Of course he did, she has barely spoken to him in almost 4 weeks, and if he’s being honest with himself, he’s losing his mind a little. “I was hoping we could talk after,”

“Nico,” she sighs, touching her palm to her temple and seemingly applying pressure, pinching her eyes shut as she tries to breathe through a wave of what looks like disorientation, “I really can’t deal with this today,”

“I miss you, Poppy,” he hums, and he knows it’s an asshole move, to take advantage of the current situation, of her being sick and having lowered her defences, but he knows he’ll regret it if he doesn’t take the opportunity to touch her. He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, strokes a thumb softly at her cheek, and tries not to think too much about the way she seems to lean into it. “I’m worried about you.”

“You’re supposed to be giving me space.” She sounds defeated, and there’s a selfish part of him that hopes she is - that she is relenting to his advances and giving in - but he knows Poppy too well to assume it’s going to be that easy.

He doesn’t even like to think about how much he has hurt her. When images of that evening flash through his memory - when he closes his eyes and sees her teary ones looking back at him, can hear how she’d fought for him to listen, to figure things out together - his chest aches in a way he doesn’t think it has before. It’s relentless, and excruciating, and he hasn’t yet found a coping mechanism that gets rid of it.

Except for seeing her. When he sees her, it lessens. When he hears her laugh from around a corner, or spots her in the halls at The Rock, talking with her co-workers or perusing one of the vending machines, he can pretend he’s okay. He can pretend that they’re just not talking because they’re both busy - not because he monumentally messed everything up with her.

And now, talking directly to her, touching her, seeing her up close - despite the difference in her usually bright complexion - he can convince himself of the same. Things are okay. They’re okay.

“I also said I still wanted to be friends.” He tries, his hand still cupping the side of her face before she shakes him off.

“Except that we’re only friends when it suits you.” She accuses with a frown, a little energy seeming to flood back into her system. “And when it doesn’t, you just toss me off to the side like I mean nothing to you.”

“That’s not true, I-,”

“I really don’t feel well enough to be having this conversation right now.”

“Then when? Every time I see you, you can’t get away fast enough. We work together, we have to see each other, you can’t avoid me forever.” He knows he doesn’t deserve to rush her. He knows he has no right to be making any kind of demands, and that the situation they’re in is entirely his doing, but he can’t help himself.

He’s frustrated.

He’s desperate. 

He had thought he could give her the patience she deserves - the space she needs - but it has been proving immensely difficult, and he just wants her back.

In whatever capacity she’s willing to offer, he’ll take it - as long as her eyes meet his for longer than a second at a time and he gets to be on the receiving end of one of her heart-stopping smiles, he’ll take it.

Even if they can’t be what they were. If the texts cease, the dinners together stop, the drives home from the Rock aren’t on the table anymore - he just wants to know there’s still love between them. That when she looks at him she doesn’t only feel the crippling hurt he fears he has caused her.

“You had no problem shutting me out the last time,” she scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest and scowling up at him, “It should be like second nature for you to ignore me again.”

“That isn’t fair, it’s not the same-,”

“Poppy!” 

Nico has always loved the way his mother is enamoured by Poppy.

The first time they had met, she’d been besotted with her. It had been during Poppy’s first year with the team - his parents had come out quite late in the season, late enough that he hadn’t seen them in a while since the summer, and he was anticipating their arrival with child-like excitement. 

Their flight into Newark had been delayed, and with them coming out on a game day, he was shut in the locker room by the time they had arrived, and he had asked Poppy for his biggest favour yet in the course of their friendship.

She had agreed to it no questions asked, no favour held over him in return, and she had pretty much hosted the two of them from their arrival at the Prudential Center to when the arena had emptied.

When Nico had reunited with his parents in the family lounge, Poppy had still been with them, waiting until she saw them off into their son’s company before leaving them alone, and he had never been more grateful to someone in his life.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he had apologised as he embraced his father, a firm clap coming down on his back as his arms wrapped around him, and he had smiled at Poppy over his shoulder. “Did you guys enjoy the game?”

“Of course we did, we had the best company in all of New Jersey,” his mother had her own arm around his best friend, Poppy’s cheeks flushing as she smiled bashfully back at him. 

Nico had kissed his mom on the cheek and had given her a side hug with the arm not around Poppy before he moved his attention to his friend.

“Thank you for looking after them,” he beamed at her, wrapping his arms around her once his mother had released and giving her a little squeeze. “I owe you,”

“That’s alright. Your dad got a little rowdy in the second period, but other than that they weren’t too much trouble,” Poppy had shrugged, a mischievous smirk cast toward his father who gave a humoured scoff in return.

“You were yelling louder than me, Poppy,” he remarked, his accent thick and his tone fond. “Katja tell him.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Nico chuckled, shaking his head toward his mom as she opened her mouth ready to pick a side, “I believe him, she gets creative when it comes to calling out the refs, I’ve heard it before.”

“Sorry for being passionate about my team,” she had pouted, “I’ll just sit in silence while you all get high-sticked to holy heaven next time.”

Nico had felt warmth wash all over him when he heard his dad’s loud cackle of a laugh - the kind he gave over family game nights when Nina outsmarted both her brothers, and they would turn to their father for some kind of defence, the kind of laughter filled with familiarity and affection - and had seen his mother’s crinkling eyes and dimpled smile.

“Do you need a ride home?” He had asked, swallowing down the attraction that was spiralling within him before it was too obvious to ignore. They had rode in together that morning, and he would usually drive her home if that was the case, but he had also promised his parents he would treat them to a nice meal after their long flight in.

“I’m alright, I can hitch a ride with one of the other boys,” Poppy declined, “You guys enjoy your dinner, it was really nice to meet you.”

“Nonsense,” Katja had exclaimed, a hand on Poppy’s arm as she moved to hug her goodbye, “Come with us, Nico can drop you home after,”

“We’ve been dying to hear someone tell us all of Nico’s secrets about his life over here.” Rino had joined in, egging Poppy on until she couldn’t say no.

When she had looked over to Nico, he hadn’t realised she was silently asking for his permission, too busy looking at her with a dopey grin on his face before he pulled himself together enough to nod his approval.

“Okay, yeah, thank you,” Poppy had agreed, “I just have to grab my bag from the office, I could meet you at your car in five minutes?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in five.”

Nico had watched her go off as his mother looped her arm through his, leaning into him and watching Poppy until she disappeared through the far doors. 

“I like her,” Katja had a big, complimentary grin on her face when Nico looked down a little at her - and despite slipping into their native tongue, Nico had thought it would be obvious to anyone listening in what they were talking about just from the look on his mother’s face.

“Yeah, she’s great,” He had concurred, shaking her off his arm so that he could wrap it around her shoulders as they walked, and in a true show of his denial at the time, he had added, “A really good friend.”

He still remembers the sound of his mother’s knowing hum, that interaction between the four of them a catalyst for the feelings he had for the longest time suppressed.

Weeks ago, Poppy had asked him the last time he had wanted to kiss her. He’d told her about a night in a bar after the team had crashed out of the playoffs last year. A night where, in all the anguish and misery and regret, she had made him feel like he could breathe again. It was the last time he had felt overwhelmed by the urge to take the leap into something more with her.

The first time had been that night with his parents, when he’d dropped her back at her apartment after an evening of them oversharing embarrassing childhood anecdotes and Poppy sharing her own stories - ones she had of her favourite memories with Nico, and even ones without, letting his mom and dad into the strongroom that was her life before she met their son. 

Looking back, he thinks that night truly would have been a catalyst for his blossoming affections if he didn’t feel the watchful gaze of his parents waiting in his car while he made sure Poppy got inside safe.

He would have kissed her, he knows it.

Instead, he had returned to the driver’s seat and tried to ignore the smug grin his mother kept sending through the rearview mirror from her place in the back seat the whole journey to their hotel.

In the years since, her affections for Poppy have only grown, and so he should have expected that she would get excited the second she saw her - he only wishes her timing was better.

“Hi, Mrs Hischier” Poppy smiles despite her discomfort, the apples of her cheeks rounding and endearment sparkling in her previously dull eyes. The energy she gives to his mother is a stark contrast to that she had just been giving to Nico. “It’s so nice to see you!”

“It’s Katja, sweet girl, it’s clearly been too long since we have spoken!” His mother’s arms wrap around her, and he watches as Poppy’s body seems to melt at the touch, tense muscles relaxing and hand rubbing at her back. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look too good, are you feeling okay?”

She presses the back of her hand to Poppy’s clammy forehead as Nico remembers her doing so often to him as a child, gauging her temperature and casting a concerned glance over her from head to toe. 

“I’m alright, I’ve just been off sick the past week, I still probably look a little like a zombie,” Poppy chuckles, dismissively, still maintaining an eyre of warmth in the way she looks at his mother.

“Not at all, as pretty as ever, isn’t she, Nico?” His mom nudges him as if he needs any prompting to compliment her.

“Yeah,” he agrees without hesitation, and he starts to feel palpitations when her eyes glance quickly over to meet his before darting away.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Poppy huffs, and he doesn’t entirely know who she meant that for. “Did you and Rino enjoy your trip to Canada?”

Nico doesn’t know why he finds himself surprised by the way Poppy effortlessly recollects the information - a throwaway comment he had made to her in the back of that bar all those weeks ago of his parent’s whereabouts. Poppy remembers because she cares. She has always cared. Always listened to what he has to say, even if he thinks it’s irrelevant, and has always shown interest. 

He finds himself watching her as she catches up with his mother, giving tired smiles but engaging nonetheless, the conversation flowing between the two of them just as effortlessly as it had on the day they had met - where they had conversed over dinner like they had known each other for years, and Nico had blushed every time he met his mother’s eyes from across the table.

He remembers his birthday dinner with his family at the beginning of the month, where he had sat in mostly-silence and wished for her company, and he starts to wonder if it’s always going to be like that, from now on. 

If he’s always going to be longing for her. If he’s always going to feel like something’s missing if she isn’t around.

“I should go,” he hears her say, “I have to check some of the questions with the moderator and they’ll be opening the doors for the signing, soon.”

“Of course, don’t let me keep you,” his mom presses a comforting hand to Poppy’s arm, thumb rubbing in a soothing gesture before they part with goodbyes and a promise to catch up, properly, at some point. 

Nico doesn’t miss the way she hadn’t given him the same courtesy. And neither does his mother.

Her eyes narrow in his direction, and just as her lips part to no doubt call him out, a figure comes up beside them,

“They’re ready to start the signing if you are, Nico.” Jessica’s unusually perky voice rings out beside him, and he’s never been more thankful for an interruption in his life.

He hasn’t seen that disappointed glint in his mother’s eyes since he’d told her he was bringing a girlfriend home to meet her at the end of last summer, and had shown up to the house with Talia in tow.

Poppy

As backwards as it might seem to some people, the only part of Poppy’s life where she is able to seek complete solace in recent years has always been in her work.

When she had first gotten her job within the organisation - a co-op internship that covered her final year of college - she had been almost overwhelmed with pride for the first time in her life. She had always been a good student, had got into college of her own merit and hadn’t used family connections like she suspected her brother had done, and she had worked her butt off to prep for the application and interview.

And when she’d gotten the call to tell her they wanted her on the team, she had been over the moon.

She’d gotten along so well with the people she had met in the team so far, had loved their ethos and the environment at the Rock, and she couldn’t wait to build something great for herself when she got started.

She had immediately called home after accepting the position, buzzing with excitement to tell her father that she of all the alleged thousands of applicants had been accepted to work on the media programme for the New Jersey Devils, a respected establishment in one of the biggest sporting leagues in the country. She had expected he would be proud of her, too, but he had ended up heaving out a disappointed sigh, and she could hear him fold up his paper in the background before he had asked, “Hockey, Poppy? Really? What kind of success do you expect to find in such a barbaric environment?”

As much as his disapproval had hurt at that time, she credits her father’s aloofness with her happiness in her role to this day.

It turns out, she can find a lot of success in a barbaric environment if she puts enough of her heart into it.

Even back in her media days, acting as a lackey for some of the more senior guys and trudging through those first few months of hazing, she had loved her job. 

Sharing insights into the team and the sport, determined to break any stigma associated with the guys who played it and all while highlighting the way it brought pride and community to her home state, she left the building every day with a pep in her step and a giant grin on her face.

And it only got bigger when she was recruited onto the Youth Foundation team. The projects she has worked on, the people she has met, the incredible things they have all achieved together - she doesn’t think she could have gotten any luckier with her career - despite what her judgemental, uppity parents think of it.

So, when things get hard elsewhere - when she spends a little too much time with her family and goes a little stir crazy, or when she gets her heart broken by the one guy she had trusted to handle it with care, and ends up fixating on the possibility of him rekindling things with a woman he had told Poppy didn’t make him happy - she resorts to her factory settings of knuckling down and putting her work first.

Which is how, in the weeks since Nico had left her apartment that horrific night, she has attached her name to every project she can pick up. She has accepted every meeting, answered every call, returned every email, all with a smile she had felt like she was forcing at first, but has started to feel real as time has gone one.

And she thinks it’s working.

She doesn’t dread coming into the Arena - doesn’t pace the length of her office to prepare herself every time she needs to leave it, doesn’t hold her breath as she turns the corners in anticipation of seeing him, doesn’t wince every time someone knocks on her door until they pop their head in and reveal themselves.

Poppy has well and truly immersed herself in her work, and she can’t even feel the rattling of the shattered pieces of her heart anymore.

She’s too consumed with other stuff. With hockey clinics, planning fundraisers, local rink openings, development programmes, the Sweep The Deck gala, mentoring sessions, preparations for the Stadium Series in the next month. 

She should be exhausted. 

If she actually gives herself the brain power to think about anything other than work for a second, she probably would be - but she’s turned into a hammerhead shark of sorts, and she knows she’ll suffocate in all the other feelings if she stops swimming. 

If she gives even a second of her time to the constant urge to think about Nico, she’ll drown in him. In the hurt and the ache she feels when he’s even in the same room.

She has taken to pretending he isn’t there. To looking at others, immersing herself too deep in conversations that he won’t dare to interrupt, and she is actually satisfied with how she’s managed to hold herself together when it comes to the rest of the guys.

When the season had started last year, and Poppy had been avoiding Nico for the other reason over the course of those months, she had pretty much locked herself in her office during work hours, and had stayed home outside of them. She didn’t go to games, didn’t go to team events that she wasn’t working, didn’t attend birthdays or dinners or celebration trips to whatever bar could accommodate the whole team for the night. She had stopped engaging as much with the other guys - Jack had even taken to calling her a recluse if she remembers correctly - and she’s determined not to let this mess get in the way of the great relationships she has with the rest of the team. 

If not for the fact that it would be petulant for her to take out her frustrations regarding their captain with them, then for the fact that she needs the companionship.

She needs it so much that she doesn’t run from it, or even pretend like she doesn’t like their company. 

Weeks ago, if she had been coming up from the parking level with Nate Bastian, and he had tried to crack the joke, “Hey, Poppy, why are elevator jokes the best kind? Because they work on many levels,” she honestly would have scoffed and called him lame. But she had felt her lips twitching earlier in the day, and had let him boast about how he had made her smile as they walked together through the building to anyone they passed without even denying it.

The guys have been doing more for her mentality than she can ever thank them for - holding her up while her every instinct is telling her to crumble - and she couldn’t be more grateful to be a part of such a great team.

The Hughes brothers, especially. Luke, who texts her his every rambling thought sandwiched between memes and links to Tiktoks about giraffes, because he knows they make her smile. And Jack, who, despite being out of play with his shoulder, still, checks in with her every day he comes in, a drink in hand when she needs a pick me up the most, and an ever growing list of ridiculous names to call her. 

His continued visits have made her grow less weary of the knocks at her door, and so when one echoes through the room as she’s replying to some emails, she doesn’t feel the stutter of her heartbeat like she would have done last week.

“Hey, Pop,” he pokes his head into her office, fingers flexed around the door jamb as he edges his way in, empty handed, this time, but Poppy can’t hold it against him. Her day is almost finished, after all.

“What, no stupid nickname today? Did I upset you or something?” She pauses typing as she looks up at him, watching him close the door behind himself as he takes her lighthearted tone as an invitation inside.

“I did have a joke lined up about Snap and Crackle, but you’ve ruined it now actually,” he rolls his eyes playfully, throwing himself down in the chair opposite hers and flicking affectionately at his bobblehead. 

“Sorry,” Poppy gives a quick, bashful smile before going back to her work, tapping away at her noisy keyboard as she works her way through her inbox, “What’s up?”

“Was wondering if you’d seen Luke?”

“Not today, he doesn’t usually make a habit of coming down here though. Did he say he was gonna stop by?”

“Not exactly.” Jack frowns, a slight shrug of his better shoulder.

Poppy casts a confused glance his way, eyes narrowing as she watches him fidget in the seat. “Do you guys think the y chromosome is meant to get you out of ever giving a straight answer to something? What do you mean, not exactly?”

“Well, Dawsy said he’d seen him with Nico, and lately that means,” he looks as if he’s weighing up what to say in his head, and Poppy wishes the lower part of her desk didn’t block her legs from his so she could give him a quick kick to the shin, “Well, people usually come straight here after Nico pulls them to talk.”

She sighs.

She had figured as much, but the confirmation of it doesn’t make her heart ache any less.

She’d had her first suspicions when Smitty had shown her every picture she thinks he’s ever taken of his kids the other day. He’d sat beside her in the lounge while the team and staff had been waiting for some sort of safety meeting - one she hadn’t even got to focus much on because he had talked her ear off for almost an hour until he was finally pulled away for some other responsibilities. 

And then Jonas had come by her office - something he had literally never done before. He had found Poppy working on a project, brainstorming with post-its on her cleared floor, and had waited around until she had finished - chipping in little ideas here and there for a presentation on the Learn To Play programme and using his 6’2 stature to take an aerial photo of all her sticky notes that Poppy never would have been able to get right, enabling her to clean them away and tidy up after herself before she finished for that day. It wasn’t that she minded his company, he’d actually been a massive help, but she had this nagging feeling that he would never come see her of his own volition.

Then there was Holtzy and Dawson volunteering for the hockey clinic in the debrief earlier like they were being held at gunpoint and forced into labour.

Nico has put them all up to it.

Even when he’s giving her space, he can’t leave her be.

“So what you’re saying is he’s abusing his position of power to get you all to come talk to me,”

“I don’t know if I’d phrase it like that,” Jack scratches awkwardly at the back of his neck, and she only feels a slight pinch of guilt. She knows he had a habit of coming to see her before all of this, but his visits have definitely increased over the past few weeks - so, he isn’t entirely innocent, either. “Maybe he misses you?”

“Maybe he should have thought about that,” she mutters, leaning onto her desk and pressing her palms into her closed eyes to relieve the headache that’s starting to build. 

Distracting herself with work had been going so well.

“You know we can’t talk about this, Jack,” she sighs, “He’s your captain, it’s not fair of me to vent about our situation to you of all people.”

“Ouch,”

“You know what I mean. If it was anybody else, I’d come to you for advice, but you guys are a team, I’m just-,”

“Don’t finish that sentence, Poppy,” Jack rebukes, sitting up straight in his chair and levelling her with a stern look, “You’re our friend. Even if Nico is asking the others to check up on you, they wouldn’t do it if they didn’t care about you. None of us want a repeat of the start of the season, okay, we just want to know you’re alright.”

“I appreciate you saying that,” Poppy gives a weak smile, the kind that doesn’t quite meet her eyes, “I just don’t want anybody taking sides, I know Luke’s been off with him about the whole thing,”

“That’s probably where he is now,” Jack realises, “He did get a little rough in practice before.”

“Yeah, I heard,” she says, knowing Luke and Nico had a collision earlier that had been the talk of the office all morning. “Look, I love you guys for it, but I don’t need babysitters. I just wanna move on. And you can tell Nico that, the next time he tries to force you out here with.another iced beverage just to keep me company or whatever.”

“Well, they go on the road tomorrow, so you should get some peace and quiet around here.” Jack still seems solemn at the thought of the team travelling anywhere without him, but she has tried one too many times to talk to him about it and, every time, he has shut her down. He’ll talk about it when he’s ready, and if she’s making a point of not wanting to be pushed on a subject, she isn’t going to do the same to him, even if her instincts are telling her to wrap the guy up in a bear hug and tell him everything will be okay. “I’ll leave you to your work, anyway, I’ll be around until the weekend if you need me, Pop. I promise I would be bringing you drinks even if he wasn’t asking me to.”

He pushes himself up from the seat with his good side before retreating back towards the door, and Poppy can’t let him go without at least attempting to cheer him up. He never usually leaves this quick, always finds some reason to hover and affectionately irritate her just a little - but she can tell he’s done figuring out reasons to linger around the arena for the day.

“I would have laughed, by the way,” she calls out to him, causing him to pause half way out and look back, a questioning brow arched her way. “Snap, Crackle and Pop would have been a good one, it’s funny.”

“They’re all funny, Poppy.”

She really is losing her mind.

As if the universe is playing some gigantic, cruel joke on her, Poppy’s promised peace and quiet while the team have gone on the road has turned into her shut in her apartment with every single curtain drawn, wrapped up under a mountain of covers to combat the shivers, and a leg poking out of them to alleviate the hot flushes - all while battling the most crippling waves of nausea she has ever experienced in all of her adult life.

She had gone home from work on Wednesday and had invited Nia around, hoping her best friend’s anger around the Nico situation had dwindled enough that she wasn’t going to harp on about it all night, and they could enjoy some movies and dirty takeout like they were back in college without Poppy having to even think about anything else.

Uptown Girls had been playing on the TV, empty containers of Korean Hot Pot had littered her coffee table, and Nia had fallen asleep sprawled out across the couch when Poppy had first started to feel off.

She had been watching Brittany Murphy and Dakota Fanning swirling around in the teacup ride, and had started to feel like her own living room was spinning.

She had barely made it to her bathroom before she was puking her guts up, waking Nia in the process who had spent the next hour holding her hair back before she tucked her into bed.

Poppy had called in to work the next morning. She had missed even watching the game against Carolina, could barely remember a solid half an hour of consciousness between that Wednesday night and Saturday morning.

All she remembers is vomiting, Nia checking in after work, bringing an abundance of electrolyte drinks and trying to get her to eat before she had to leave again She recalls burning bagels she had forgot she had left in the toaster, vomiting again at the smell of the burned bagels, and having a series of the most absurdly vivid dreams she’s ever experienced in her life. 

All of which had one common theme.

Nico.

Dreams where she’s swimming in a large, unidentifiable body of water. It’s cold, and she is exhausted, and her limbs ache from treading water and trying to stay afloat. It’s mostly dark, sometimes lit by the moon, the reflection of which shimmers in her path to something in the distance. And she’s stretching, reaching out, desperately kicking her legs to get to whatever it is until she realises it’s him, and he’s swimming away, making it a thousand times harder on her.

Dreams of her stood at the door of her apartment, the repeated knock on the other side echoing on and on as she scrambles to look for the keys to unlock it. It’s a pattern she thinks she recognises, a rhythmic knock that only he has used before, but she can’t get the door open with all her might, and her keys are nowhere to be seen. 

Dreams of their fated night together, only this time it’s like she’s on the outside looking in, watches the two of them in the throes of passion, only when she takes a proper look, he isn’t into it like she is. Or there’s another version where she isn’t herself at all. She has much lighter hair, and mutters out profanities in German as Nico presses sweet kisses into her lips and cradles her face lovingly. She’s Talia, and he looks as happy as ever when she is.

Despite the almost 3 days of round the clock sleep, she has never felt so exhausted in her life.

When the nausea fades ever so slightly, and she gets enough strength in herself to get up - to eat, to drink, to function like a normal human being, she feels sluggish and weak, and like she hasn’t had a moment’s rest in months.

Nia had been checking in, surprisingly not sick herself even though Poppy assumes her bug came from the takeout they shared - but Nia is vegetarian, so she had thought that might have explained it. She had been making sure Poppy remained hydrated, and continued to eat despite the continuous waves of nausea that kept coming back. She had done her grocery shopping, stocking her refrigerator with a bunch of different juices and smoothies, and buying her a bunch of fresh fruit, some bread, some yoghurts, pasta, crackers, plain chips, all the things that would hopefully keep her energy up and her nausea down.

And it had taken her a week to recover to a point that she felt like she could work again. She probably shouldn’t have forced herself back when she wasn’t feeling, or looking, 100%, but she had become so used to using her job as a coping mechanism, that regaining the slightest bit of her energy had her spiralling a little mentally, and she couldn’t take being at home any longer.

She had known that Jesper had his Q&A event, and had to stop by the Rock to pick up some of her files before making her way over - but that trip had proved to be more trouble than it was worth, and she had ended up getting herself all mixed up when she had returned to her office and had ended up dry heaving in the bathrooms when she caught a mix of smells walking through the hallway on her way in.

She had wanted to get some prep work done - approve the questions, meet with the photographers, catch up with Jess from Media, but she had ended up hurled over the toilet bowl for a good hour until she felt somewhat better, and was in so much of a rush to get over to the event that all she had managed to do to pull herself together was throw her hair up and hope that chomping on a breath mint wouldn’t trigger her senses all over again. 

She felt like she was fresh out of The Walking Dead.

She had to get an Uber over, had sat with her head out of the window like some kind of dog to alleviate the sweat that had broken out from her rushing around, and by the time she made it - she was so out of sorts she barely could remember why she was there.

And then she had bumped into Nico.

And she hates that she had felt a little better.

She hates that she found comfort in the fresh smell of his cologne, or the soft touch of his hand to her skin. She hates that the sound of his voice had quelled the rapid thumping of her heartbeat, and that it felt so good just to be in his presence, she had almost forgotten how much she had been hurt. How much he had hurt her.

She hates how she had felt obliged to pretend everything was okay in front of his mother, the sweetest woman on planet Earth embracing her like she was her own daughter, wrapping her up in a shroud of worry and sheer maternal instinct.

And she hates how all of those feelings have lingered throughout the afternoon. As she had watched him engage with his fans during his signing, big dimpled smiles sent to tiny children drowning in jerseys way too big for their small frames, and all adorning his number on the back. As she had watched Katja as the event unfolded, eyes sparkling with pride for her son and everything he has accomplished. As she’s stood and watched him answer questions she knows the answers to like she knows her own favourite food.

Where is your dream vacation destination?

He wants to visit Costa Rica.

What is your favourite sport outside of hockey?

He loves Tennis, loves Roger Federer, a real idol for him as a kid growing up in Switzerland, but also loves soccer, which he always says with an uncomfortable twist to his lips, because his father used to play.

What does he miss the most about home?

His family. His siblings. She probably knows more about Nina and Luca than she knows about Oliver, at this point.

“What’s your favourite thing to do in Jersey when you’re not playing hockey?”

“Uhh,” Poppy watches as Nico rolls his shoulders, his face pensive as he ponders the question, “It depends when we get time off. If the weathers nice, Jersey has some nice beaches, sometimes we go in a group and hang out,” he answers, and just before he carries on, his eyes flicker over to Poppy, meeting hers and holding her gaze until she looks away. “But if it’s when we’re playing I try to spend any downtime with friends. I have some really great friends here and I think that helps me destress a little, just being around them, going out for food and drinks and stuff. Some of my favourite people I have met while I’ve been living here.”

Poppy doesn’t dare look back up, her pulse throbbing in her temples.

“Well that’s a perfect segue into the next question, who’s your best friend on the team?”

She doesn’t stick around to listen to him skirt around that answer, pushing herself discretely through the doors back into the room that the signing had taken place in and busying herself packing up what she can without any help. 

She needs to carry on working, needs to stop thinking, needs to stop feeling so many things. Needs to be somewhere else, where she can’t look at him, can’t admire the way the deep brown of his irises shine when he smiles, or how one of his eyebrows does that cute little hop when he speaks for a little too long, or how she thinks she can still feel his hand on her face even though it’s been at least a good couple of hours since they had spoken by now.

She doesn’t realise how quick she’s moving around until the room starts to spin, and she stumbles a little into a table before steadying herself on one of the chairs.

“Hey, Poppy, are you alright?” The words are spoken in an accent she’s always found comforting, only the voice is different. Softer. Feminine.

She looks up to see Nico’s mom moving closer, concern causing her eyes to go round and her brows to furrow, and the soft, gentle touch of her hand to Poppy’s arm has her stuttering in her response.

“Y-yeah,” she breathes, “Just got a little dizzy.”

“Are you sure, do you need to sit down?”

“I’m okay, honestly,” she smiles, despite the way Katja’s warm, caring eyes mirror those of her son and make Poppy’s chest ache just a little. “I haven’t really eaten much today, I just got a little lightheaded, I’ll be fine once we’re done here and I can go home and eat.”

“Here,” Katja reaches into her purse, digging around before she pulls out some sort of granola bar, “I got this for a snack on my flight and didn’t eat it, you can have it to keep you going.”

Poppy can hardly decline the motherly gesture, and takes the snack with a thank you before unwrapping it and taking a cautious bite. She probably isn’t doing herself any favours, the nausea creeping up when she chews on a bit of dried fruit, and the unexpected flavour immediately triggers her stomach. She’s been sticking to crackers and dry toast, and hasn’t really eaten anything sweet in a week - the combination of the fruit and the syrupy coating making her feel so uneasy she has to sit down. 

“You’re still sick?” Katja sits beside her, watching over her in the way only a loving mother could, concern etched upon her beautiful features and a tilted head examining Poppy from head to toe. 

“I usually shift bugs a lot quicker than this, but I think the not being able to eat and the exhaustion is making everything worse.”

“You aren’t sleeping, either?”

“Technically I might be sleeping too much.” Poppy takes another bite, trying to put her mind over the matter, knowing that it should actually make her feel well enough to get through the rest of the event to have something in her belly. “But I keep having these crazy dreams, and they’re so vivid that I don’t feel rested at all when I wake up, even if I got enough hours in. Then I just feel anxious and it makes me more tired.”

Katja nods understandingly, a knowing smile plucking at her lips until her cheeks dimple, just like Nico’s do. “How many weeks?”

“Have I been sick?” Poppy asks, too busy trying to ignore the sickly sweet flavour on her tongue to notice the woman sat beside her shaking her head, “Just last week. I think it was bad takeout or something, combined with work stress probably-,”

“How many weeks are you into your pregnancy, Poppy?” She chuckles, a gentle hand placed on Poppy’s lap. “You don’t have to pretend to me.”

“My-,” Poppy covers her mouth as she swallows a hardly-chewed bit of granola, “I’m not-,” she struggles a little with her words, cringing at the way she can feel it going down her throat, and clears it with an awkward cough when she can, “Pregnancy?”

“Oh Goodness, I’m sorry,” Katja’s eyes widen in alarm, the hand on Poppy’s knee squeezing apologetically, “I just thought, the dreams, the sickness, the exhaustion, that’s how it started for me with all 3 of my children.”

“Oh.” At least she isn’t the only person Nico has ever caused to have such torturous dreams, she thinks. “No, I’ve just had a bug, I’m pretty sure it’s gonna clear up,” she says, her voice much smaller as she continues to speak through trembling lips, continues to grow more unsure of her words as something akin to dread settles in the pit of her stomach. “And this is like the aftershocks of being sick, or something, one last hurrah for the germs.”

“Of course,” Katja nods, giving Poppy’s knee a comforting rub before placing her hands on her own lap, a sheepish look given as she makes eye contact, the same dark eyes she’s been dreaming about looking right at her. “I would never usually assume, I swear you don’t look it, it was just my first thought when you mentioned the sleep. It just took me right back, my pregnancies were all like that. Heavy sickness, exhaustion, even in my bones I felt tired, and the dreams were crazy, especially with Nico, it was like full movies playing out in my head every night for the whole 9 months.”

���I never knew that was a thing.” Poppy has obviously heard of morning sickness. She’s heard of expectant mothers being exhausted, their bodies worn out from the oh-so-minor task of creating life, but she hadn’t ever heard anyone talk about dreams being an indicator of pregnancy.

“Babies make your body do crazy things.” She gives a reminiscent chuckle, and Poppy notices her lose herself a little in the memory, warm eyes melting with the recollection. “But at least you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Right.” The empty swallow Poppy takes next hurts more than the granola had before, the scratch of the cereal a minor irritation in comparison to the lump currently forming there. “What other symptoms did you have?”

“At the start, food was my enemy. Rino used to have to make me smoothies to get all my vitamins in. You wouldn’t think with the appetite my boys had growing up that they would have made me fear eating so much, but it was bad. I always envied the women who just had a little morning sickness.”

Poppy feels her eyes well up - more so at the way Katja’s eyes glint with pride and love when she talks about her family than anything else. It’s beautiful. Even recalling how sick her babies had made her, Poppy can tell from the look on her face that her pregnancies brought her unadulterated joy.

She remembers when Oliver’s wife, Kimberley, had been pregnant with their first son. They had lived in Jersey, still, back then, and family dinners were a staple every Friday night. They were all sat around the dining table back at the Jensen house, and Kimberley, God bless her, had misguidedly asked Priscilla what her pregnancies were like. 

“Hell.” Poppy’s mom had said, sipping at her wine and looking over the glass at Oliver with a measured glare. “He gave me uneven breasts and dry skin,”

“Mom,” Oliver had grunted in disgust, a protective hand reaching out to take hold of his wife’s.

“And she,” Priscilla gave an accusatory point in Poppy’s direction, “Gave me thin hair and postnatal depression. But she evened my breasts back out, so there’s a silver lining, I suppose.”

Kimberley hasn’t made the same mistake of seeking motherly advice since then. 

“And Nina made me have super-human scent, I could smell things from floors away.”

Poppy can barely look at her anymore.

After she’d spoken to Nico when he’d turned up before, she could still smell him from across the room. And she hadn’t been able to step foot in the common area in her office when she’d dropped by to pick up her files earlier, thinking she could smell someone’s microwaved food and feeling like she was about to vomit. She has only been able to nibble at dry crackers all week just to avoid eating or smelling anything that would set her off.

But that’s the bug, right? She’s been sluggish, she’s been tired, running hot all week, and her body has constantly ached, especially-

“I should get all this stuff packed up,” Poppy shoots up from her seat, thankfully able to suppress the dizziness. “I think I feel better, thank you so much for keeping me company.”

She shouldn’t hope so much that she isn’t being rude, shouldn’t expect or want Katja to hold her to high esteem, but she finds herself cringing at her quick subject change, and caring a little too much that it will make her think less of her.

Her son doesn’t want her to be a part of his life in that way, Poppy thinks, so it shouldn’t matter what Katja feels about her. Not anymore.

“That’s okay, Poppy, thank you for listening to me reminisce. It was nice. Nico usually gets too embarrassed for me to talk about stuff like this.” Katja follows Poppy up, mirroring her to help her pack up the rest of the merchandise that hadn’t been bought or signed.

“I don’t think he could ever be embarrassed by you.” Poppy chuckles despite herself, defending him like it’s second nature, even though she knows Katja wasn’t trying to put him down in the first place. He’s her son, for crying out loud, Poppy thinks, she doesn’t need some random girl he works with acting like she knows him any better than his own mother. “He probably just doesn’t want to think about ever making you uncomfortable, even as a foetus or whatever.”

Katja gives that same knowing smile she had worn just before turning Poppy’s world upside down mere minutes ago. The smile that would be patronising on anyone else, but the warmth in her eyes holds nothing but understanding and appreciation.

“He’s a sweet boy,” she remarks, proudly, “I never thought of It like that."

“Yeah, you raised a gentleman for sure.” Poppy had considered that it would feel more like a lie when the thought had come to her head, but as the words leave her mouth, she finds comfort in them.

Despite how much he had hurt her, she still knows Nico’s heart. She knows he cares deeply, knows he is selfless and warm, and loves with everything in him. He just doesn’t love her - not how she wants him to, at least - but she can’t hold that against him forever.

The words weigh a little heavier when the situation dawns on her, but she tries not to get ahead of herself. Not again.

She can’t be pregnant. That’s insane. 

And she can’t rack her brain trying to remember if either of them had protected themselves with his mom sat right in front of her, she knows for a fact she can’t suppress the heat that rises up her neck at the memory - she may as well wave a gigantic flag that reads Hey, I had sex with your son!

“We’re heading for dinner when he’s finished here, would you want to join us?” Katja asks, motherly concern etched upon her features, and Poppy’s heart warms at the gesture in spite of the panic rousing in her chest.

“That’s alright,” she shakes her head, guilt plucking slightly at her with the telling of the minute lie, “I have plans with another friend.”

“We’ll be going home next week, so there’s plenty of time to catch up, if you’re free at all.”

Poppy can’t help but relent with a soft smile, nodding at the suggestion without overthinking it. She’d accidentally gatecrashed a couple lunches Nico and Katja had together in some of her previous visits, and she was always so welcoming and kind - it would hardly be putting herself out if she were to do it again. “I’d like that,”

“If you’re busy, Nina and Rino will be over for the Stadium game, don’t let them convince you to come out when I’m not there.” She jests with a pointed finger, and Poppy finds herself laughing despite her nerves. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good girl.” Katja reaches out and pinches softly at Poppy’s cheek, “Make sure you keep drinking plenty, and eating too, even if you feel sick you should try make sure you’re keeping your energy up. Try soup with lots of vegetables and bread. You can make it in a big batch and freeze it.”

Poppy can’t remember the last time her own mother had cared about her like this - not without belittling her, at least. When she’d spoken to her mom last week, had told her she was off work sick and couldn’t come over at the weekend, she had heard her roll her eyes over the phone. She’d been told that this is where eating poorly gets her, and that if she was keeping on top of her supplements and vitamin shots, she wouldn’t be so prone to illness. 

Even as a grown woman, with her own career, her own life, her own home, she still feels like a berated child when it comes to her mom. 

Nico’s mom makes her feel child-like in an entirely different way. In a way that’s warm and comforting, a way that wouldn’t give her anxiety every time her name comes up on her phone.

“I will, thank you for looking out for me, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it, Katja.”

Kindness comes like a second nature to Katja - to all members of the Hischier family she has encountered thus far - and a pang of jealousy and longing hits her at the realisation that some people have just been raised around this level of benevolence their whole lives, and think nothing of it.

Though, she knows Nico appreciates it.

Katja departs back through the doors into the Q&A with a soft smile and an enthusiastic wave, and Poppy waits until they have closed properly before she retrieves her cellphone from her back pocket.

Frustrated at the way it refuses to identify her face, she prods her fingers into the screen, typing in her passcode and swiping until she finds her calendar app. 

She knows she had an appointment scheduled in December with her gynaecologist. She had been in the middle of trialling a new contraception back in October - a sticky patch that had made her bleed continuously for 3 weeks and turned her into a raging nightmare to be around - and had stopped using it despite the 6 week recommendation she had been given, figuring she’d just wait out the rough periods until her next time she was booked in and speak to the doctor about it. But she’d been so busy in the back end of last year, she doesn’t remember how long it’s been since she stopped. 

Her eyes widen when she locates the appointment, clicking into the date, December 15th and reading the notes she left in there.

NEED TO RESCHEDULE!!!! busy w/ work, gynae breaks 4 xmas 22nd, comes back Jan 2nd.

She remembers the phone call as soon as she reads it. She had cancelled instead of rescheduling, knowing she was picking up extra work and would be busy until pretty much after the Christmas break. She was supposed to call in the new year. She’d gotten distracted. She hadn’t thought it was an emergency, it wasn’t like she thought she would need it for contraceptive purposes. And her periods hadn’t even been that bad since she stopped using it. Light flow, 28 day cycle, barely any cramps. She’d even been keeping a track of it, herself. She had nothing to worry about, which is probably why she hadn’t remembered to book herself back in. Hadn’t thought to start taking any other birth control in the meantime.

Her Cycle app is the next stop, flicking through the dates until she realises she was on her period after Christmas, and that the 10 or so days after that had ended were marked another colour, given another meaning.

She can feel her heartbeat in her ears. 

No, no, no.

This isn’t happening.

She’s jumping to conclusions.

It’s just a sickness bug from the takeout.

The dreams are just her broken heart playing tricks on her.

She isn’t pregnant.

She can’t be pregnant.

Next Chapter

Taglist: @alwaysclassyeagle @bunbunbl0gs @idgaf-if-youre-here @youflowerr-youfeast @thearchersstuff @bellsdi0r @wonderheartz @jjgsunflower @butterflies35 @kenziepickle @josierosie @laheyxlover @mrsmattytkachuk (sorry if your tag hasn't worked btw)

[leifberry]

Abyss doodles, cuz why not?

cannibalism is canon real

bonus concept art i actually kinda like :D

might line and colour the cannibalism one hmmm…

everyones names:

1. Smoky Cloud

2. Venus (moon hair clip), Butter (the one with the heart marking on their cheek), and Wisp, the uhhh

that one

thats Wisp

And 3. Speck! the one thats with the rainbow stuff

yknow what i mean

i hope lmao

[artcallednaturalviews]

I saw pictured You in Drug Against War + KMDFM Video Not Clock DVA + sound mirror A and for the norm Love in Cholera Elysian Attractive I saw pictured Coil ~ Windowpane Sparks fly up above Dear dad Hold me by neck Lived on for hours how Loved for horseshoe game CSI Blood splatter / Dexter It was a mist on painted spackling I saw pictured Javelin throwing I aim for legs Eat that butter tortilla rolled Crush the cans Hop in the dumpster God kissed it Devil missed it I sawed the picture I saw the pictured I clipped the picture I clip that pictured Leave a pic of stickers A pec of sty kickers T brand MAGA Same lines on the vinyl feed propaganda C I C the picture C I C the proof C I C I wrote Columns are three types That party can’t even say still I left my marks years ago It should be daily visited Snap shots taking They did Around me even now Teach my baby To Say! Prunt! Guano Apes ~ Rain No more no more Prunt Trump I’m gonna use the button pressed Rifle rifle Payback ~ Flaw Dear 4more in lined Ex President Ya me! That’s Rock n Roll in above 6 lined up You Golden Toilet Ya yo You Down Drain Deposit T Another #F WordsbyMM MMybsDroW Pointing my degree axis It’s a experiencer explorer minded concept You helped those Republicans Still paying high interests In student loans Still be nothing But Biden relieved them of debt So tell me Trump Will your followers Deny that Loan forgiveness And push all proceeds to Christmas Charities Modeled In on Bikes {looking barbie fried] Looking so Hooted Or boys shooting guns (not firearms, but flexed and reflexed for Duran Duran rioting while raiding the Capitol) Ahhh nnnaaahh (. republicans give back Biden backed presents, without that education ceiling, you fumbled columns, looking so dumbstruck, explain to UR children, that Biden Administration Oh yeahhhhhhhh O daft punk We are drinking from a fountain).. . … Chic chic chic chica You so do much for the weather Happy low & happy home Who purchased insurance? Such Tornadic weather and floods Also more to come The OSHA/ EPA Drill drill drill I saw pictured Too Whoo Fore You Don’t claim UR Names!!!!!!! Fumblr Tumblr Fools Rocking the Mic For those still earning! I smiled & laughed today! Add here here Add hear hear Add me WordsbyMM MMybsDroW Opps I ……(in Swift) Safe and Sound Sweet song Sweet song Sweet Song Pathetic ~ FiveBoltVein !!!! …………….. iiiiiiii StereoMud ~ Leave {Back Up} [🙏 please don’t ^groupe^ upon me] Hey Under Rainbow Of Understood Thee Understand, will you give back money The sake of MAGA campaign Or those others Republicans It’s moistly most under the mistle toe A kiss for the ups in Republican charge Did You? Deny! Biden Money He’s the One And all thee other Democrats Biden has a ring, a cheer, a choir, one lone man Chiming bells ( I have an Aunt Bell, always excited during Christmas, in my thoughts, dead past lives on though ) Ohh clinking the Triangle Embers Don’t Be Afraid ~ StereoMud 8th Song Now Where To Blog It

[bleuberries-and-video-games]

While I agree with a lot of the stuff on this post, I don't believe the garage sale thing happened because too many things aligned perfectly.

Sexism and toxic masculinity and the concept of patriarchy can in fact affect more than just men, the common understanding in society is wrong, women can be just as toxic as men, and reciprocate just as toxic of things to reinforce patriarchal standards about things. I cannot stress enough, the reason why it is seen as okay if a woman does it but weird if a man does it in many of these scenarios is because these women are taking on the duty of being a homemaker very seriously, and as such see a man doing so as a bad thing. This reciprocates the concept of patriarchy, because it legitimizes the Homemaker wife, but delegitimizes the Homemaker husband, and obligates him to forsake his interests in favor of pursuing a career to support the house. This is an absurd and stupid idea that should never have made it past the 1950s, and yet it's still pervades to this day. One of my favorite houses is my grandparents house because there's a cabinet full of butter pats that my grandpa collected, and it's not even a quarter of his collection. In another cabinet there's fine china, and another cabinet with other gimmick China that has historical locations of my hometown printed on it. There are two separate record players that don't look like record players, one of which has a Santa on it that my grandma likes. They have shoddy faded couches, strangely patterned wallpaper, a clock that tweets with a different bird over the course of 12 hours, and thousands upon thousands of different pictures common knickknacks, and things that my grandparents enjoyed. My grandma now lives alone in that house, and I bet you she wonders about all the different things in the house that have built up over the years, that she sees, that are tied to her family. The magnets on the fridge, the canisters on top of that, the countless file folders of various genealogical records and newspaper clippings.

My grandpa got butter Pats, he had an extensive garden, the garage, several ceramic items in the house, countless crossword dictionaries and puzzle books, along with bird watching paraphernalia. He didn't need much, didn't take much, but what remains in the house is definitely emblematic of what kind of a person he was, and it was clear that both of them were taken into consideration when my grandma was decorating.

Oh and the fun part? My grandparents weren't the only ones in my families who had this. Both sides of my family did. My great aunt and great uncle had this. I knew my great uncle liked model trains because he had them everywhere, it was never hidden, it was everywhere. It was something he bonded with his son over. I knew my grandma on my dad's side liked Miniatures because she had them all over the house and they were continuously brought out even after she passed away.

I can't stress enough, there is no goddamn reason to make your significant other give up their hobby for your bullshit, unless they're hobby is hurting you or others or themselves. It's not unique to either sex, it's not unique to one kind of relationship, it's only unique to one type of person, a controlling abusive asshole who needs to shore up their bullshit or they will get shipped the fuck out wherever is furthest away from the person they're hurting.

I’ve seen this new trend of girls posting videos like “I hate my boyfriend for bringing all of his stupid boy things into our apartment when we moved in together 🙄” and then pictures of his hot wheels collection or a Halloween skeleton or an extremely cool pirate flag. Give him to me you do not deserve him.

[only-lonely-lovers]

07.13.2022

tags: noncon, piv, dirty talking

notes: rereading this, i feel as though it's uniquely gormless, and has out-of-date headcanons as we were so early into imbibing JSHK... well, nevertheless. happy reading.

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ / sometimes, I color text to delineate dialogue a little more

あ：my PP concept is also noncon.. but like oh you know, trying to gaslight her throughout it… the most deranged and like cowardly way to do it all. trying to clip her and get her to call you amane during it also bc you has problems

つ：SAY THE CORRECT NAME!!!

あ：it feels like itd be sooo. [wearing clown make up] to be trying to wrestle nene into saying this… idk it feels like it could get so pathetic… like.. [shakes]… say it.. つ：i like the flavor of impatient hanako… and getting to live int he psyche of guy who wants you and is NOT HANAKO FORGET THE OTHER GUY

あ：this guy actually has a shot [defensive of made up narrative] he's been your classmate for a while you two have good chemistry you. YOU LIKE HIM!! he likes you. it'sss… this was being built up to. you want this

つ：and on another psychological level…. wanting to be called amane during sex, in general is something

あ：uhuh. a real [looks at camera] moment for . the tsukasa watching this ig

つ：its so interesting how PP works. the guy who has been actively hiding everything from you suddenly wants an earnest roleplay right before he disappears ill write the authors notes andits IC as tsukasa like WHOA i didun tink this would happen!!!! AMANEEEEE

あ：i guess i really offered you something you wanted….

つ：wow i made him so happy!

あ：a way for you to let nene meet "amane" !!! hehehe…. well… isn't she lucky….

つ：its taking all of his fibers of resistance to not run into the room the omake version which just has tsukasa barelling in

あ：yes. fkdgjfh… he is yelling amane it's like [HONK]

つ：that IIIIIIIII noise he makes BREATHING SO HEAVILY INTO YOUR EAR IMMEDIATELY

there simply the insane sex world version where tsukasa fluidly joins in. its so hard to not imagine hanako just like SHOVING HIM LIKE A TODDLER NYO!!!! TSUKASA!!!!

あ：NOT RIGHT NOW NOT WHEN I'M GETTING IT OUT [holding nene by the throat] i figure though it has this umm.. hm.. it definitely has this vibe of someone trying to start a romantic cutscene but just getting impatient and not letting you leave…

つ：i do think it starts out so ah… scripted, feeling so incredibly…. stilted…. has ''phases'', and even though nene doesn't technically jump the hoops, he moves onto the next one anyway…

あ：he's mentally got flashcards. is waiting for the one that lets him put hand on knee

you could imagine it is as simple though as hearing nene mention needing to check in with kou or something for him to be like [unchill] NO.

つ：just a minute. please. just a few minutes. stay. let me. say. what i . need to

あ：[uncontrollably guilt tripping] youve been blowing me off all day…

つ：[soft indiscernible click in the near distance] [tsukasa is locking the door for them]

あ：your guy… mmm a good detail though

つ：i will not ruin the inciting action from your game.

あ：its just one of those "there's no bad options!" things for tsukasa bc nene could like flip out and attempt to kill amane. whatever happens baby…

hm but crazy sex world where he joins is fun it's like mm a taste of butter…. wingmans this. but then also is like hiiiiiiiii ~ enjoying my playhouse for you…. huggles you

つ：i do want to to live in the less realistic porno world where amane simply is like ok. keeps going. so this is how it will be. if thats how god wants it

あ：i am already playing into this fake world selfishly. i can't act like. it would be that much better if i shoved him off.

つ：lets you hug her. nene is liek KDFL;SJFKL;GSG?? but Amane's like shhh…. shhhh. its okay…… just tsukasa nuzzling her head, hair, so pleasant….

あ：i do love the thought of nene having to be like. not only experiencing being cornered and pressured and stuff but the brother is here too. manifesting. what the- what does that…

ouhmm its like i wish the changing room scene went different lol… and devolves into this… so its a nene who was already trying to have theories about tsukasa like "he… want.. revenge…??" but instead he's like smelling your neck. help!

just here to support… happy to be here… ^^ ready to help get everything in place

つ：there are different flavors to different points of the timeline…. if its before any suggestion of 'how to get out of here' its so… disorienting in a DIFFERENT way thats like. amane is a complete loon trying to do this right out the gate. but later has the flavor of becoming like. nnno my time, running, out knowing tsukasa is 'real' or not is an element

あ：i go back and forth, initially i was thinking about this like, fuck the movie tickets… i am insane

but i do like the state of things at the point of when she's changing before star gazing… it being like right before stargazing. its rly a different loss of willpower

a very early run i'd almost want to be so early she hasnt even recon'd with kou or seen the world have kooky aspects… is juust in the "??????????" stage of trying to determine what is happening. like she's just been pouring salt on amane and feels bad about that

the gaslighting has more of a chance to take proper purchase in that case. like she IS just doubting herself and feels like the only one insisting on her previous reality

つ：unsure if this is some kind of dream really, that early on…. later is, scary, ominous

tsukasa is going to stroke Amane's face and say…. it's a good world, isn't it…. its really nice…. you like it, right…. just pleased, confirming… a slammin it hanako can only nod and huff thru nose

あ：it's nice like this…. we can be together❤️ admittedly this has to be a tsukasa that just feels like he really won, i mean his trap is just a success, amane is partaking of the fruit perhaps liberated enough to tease like. did you miss me… i'm glad we can spend some time together

つ：i'm do good with wishie

あ：you look amazing… wow [watching him hit it]

つ：[openly breathing heavy, not ashamed] Nene-chan…. you like it too, don't you..? it feels good… [spreading her pussy for Amane to hit deeper with less drag, which makes Hanako, twitch on instinct like DDDDONT GET NEAR MY. DONT YOU]

あ：snarling…. but tsukasa delights to observe like ohhmm… there's my special guy

つ：[whispering to nene] he makes that face when he really likes something

あ：[grabs her chin and tilts her head] everyone make sure we are looking and pay close attention okay ^q^

つ：you can never forget a first time [activate… amane] nn. never forget it. [HURTING]

あ：ohmm for amane to have really shot himself in the foot by forcing nene to call him amane-kun during this… if she is whimpering it.. doesn't that feel like it'd make tsukasa a little bit like [LOOKS.][fervid] we are matchies!!! asfdghfdg!!!!!! oh its like.. tsukasa likes to hear his name so much… it might feel magical to get to hear someone else beg it… ohgh you love his trapdoor mouth honestly

つ：I do like Nene ah... becoming subservient, after only a few good swings. i think she's gone

in this circumstance, its just like ss ? sssex x? uhhghmn… [hanako urging her…. to say amane-kun] ohu I, shoul, d do wh, what he saysz [dizzy] c, cant be rude…. Amm… Amn, Amanneee-kun…..

あ：[blearily] that..s. s… right htats … thats his 'real name'…. [brain tabbing through visions of him as a battered boy, 13…]

つ：[which look, aesthetically, more like this boy…] [in these clothes, his skinny arms sticking out, looking younger than ever..]

あ：[boy she saw on the floor crying…] fuzzily in her brain

its like ahrg… amane… kuun… ok ahy.g..fhg this is like. your ex shows up and youve taught your new meat to call you your old pet name. and your ex gets to just watch this [tsukasa joins in saying name like the girls in midsommar] [panting] How long do you want her like this, Amane… You know there's nothing stopping you, it's whatever you'd like the world can be for you…

つ：hanako feeling like I. deserve to be mentally broken. its fine. okay. before i go.

あ：if that's. how this is going to. pan out.

つ：ne, ne….. nene-chan…. this world is whatever the 'main characters' of it want. Doesn't it feel good… to be what Amane wants? He can do anything… and he wanted to do something, with you! something new….. that he's never done before.

N. NEVER BEFORE ?! v. virgin??????

あ：owned outed oh but its moments like these i really feel like [amane. UNCONTROLLABLY picks up pace fuckign jackhammers for a sec]

つ：ffffuc k like a grown boy

あ：its llike fffjhghhfj. goes into his blood

つ：I WILL IMPRESS

あ：[a braincell that is just like slobbering] thats RIGHT i havent fucekd before i wannaf fffffffffuck hard WATCH ME FUCK

つ：during onslaught it is legitimately tsukasa keeping her from, toppling, she has to grasp something and instinctively grasps his arms

あ：it helps to have a whole body to assist in cradling weight

つ：AMANE AMANEEE!!! [stoked by tsukasa's shouting] amaaanee-kuunnnn [stokedby nene's chanting] A-ma-neeee, aaa [stoked by Tsukasa] Amane-kunnnn

あ：the derangedness forced. to come.

つ：why doesit sound like i am fucking them both

あ：oh you get to watch his eyes really roll back into his head… I THINK IT JUST MAKES HIM DIZZY

つ：WORSHIP MEEE

あ：like mgh. fhgf.f fghf. s-sex fuck..f ujghf..gfh.. FUCK!! yes i fuck good god yes

つ：i think the ego…. the narcissism present in amane, deep down being cheered/praised sssso much repeatedly is. mmmnn yessss i doooo it

あ：god yeah. i think tsukasa's egging on is just sooo effective tsukasa might as well be breathing a poison cloud that is going right into him

つ：i do it sssso good call my naaaame

あ：the words are so palpably good at stoking him

the way tsukasa is here to be like: you fuck her sooo good you look sooo hot whiel you do it she is so ooo lucky to be fucked by you

つ：and nene whining/cooing them in such a girlish register, hiccuping them,ssss ounds better than ever imagined,and he's imagined it a lot

lucky-lucky girl nene-chaaaan don't you feel lucky….. !

あ：her going along with it all.. it just. he will just feel like the paydirt was so worth it. she can only resist so much!! of course she cant do more than a little fussing.. bbbbECAUSE SHE wants this she wants me she is agreeing… she is nodding, she is asserting she feels lucky

i wish it could be like.. amane buries his face against nene as he finishes, and gets snuzzled and pet by tsukasa all the while… like as he is shuddering intensely… we rub faces while i unload into my girl

つ：i'll just live in the narrative where this is simply my classmate brother mmmmmmn the satisfaction of nene being so agreeable… she will pull him into a kiss after. emboldened-- but thinking like-- h -HE BETTER KISS ME [KISSES HIM]

あ：it's… it's fine, in the context of the narrative… omgg boy not ready for kiss despite everything i think

つ：just begin making out ssssso hard. he will not let go once he's latched. tsukasa is just chin against her shoulder so close to the action pleasant

woooow… a first kiss too……

あ：beautiful stuff you two..

its like amane forgot kissing was a thing thsi deep into it and youre gonna rot his brain fucking.. KISS ME AFTER???

つ：he whiiiines. and flinches after like ffcukg nn-no why… mnhmh… whyd i whine bbuthjbkiss mmeeeeee mmm

[cock hurts. but is attempting to harden again]

あ：and one must learn that undignified noises shall happen during kiss

the hips itch and shift and shuffle.. your cock soo badly wants to be hard again its really like ouch... [tsukasa alternating giving you two headpats during kissm]

つ：hugs nene a nice squeeze for a second. mm i jsut love to be here. Nene is…. universes are exploding inside of her brain for nene. i simply think she wants to fuck again

あ：I Am Here In The Porno, I Am Suspended Between Two Boys

つ：its easier, for girls. just want it. pussy burns. brain is gone. tugging at amane, wrapping legs around him suddenly

あ：moe for amane to be the one feeling disoriented at this point… umm a little weaker after nutting wwww… but god desire in the heart… dizzied to have reciprocation, in reality… being invited and pressed for more at all is like hough. OHHHHH she really. she, really. want [sways against…]

つ：nene…. ah she hits a point always, i feel, where she's gone.. mad. finally achieving sex. wanting it. thinking in only poisoned thoughts…. grinding towards him… but, unable to make eye contact. I like to think at this point, amane can't either, finally a bit shy, mostly over it. it needs to take a second

cant look your girl in the eye while shuffling feet around. feels like hot stove. impatient to be ready to slam more

but your helpful tsukasa is here….! observing the problem… amane shuffling around like a nervous horse

あ：i think there's a limited reserve of bravado. you used up so much focus and determination to get this far. he looks tense.. swallowing..

つ：I think its like hmmmmm…. mmm… grabs his face. makes you and nene stare again keep saying his name, nene-chan…. if you want him to go again he likes that best. tell him how much you liked it! he wants to hear that.

an obedient nene…. happy to have, direction…? too … addled, to be arguing. too addled to be bothered…. by the intrusiveness. it IS convenient to have solution…..

あ：you liked what he did, after all, right….? nene-chan is a good girl, she should show her gratitude. [pet pet]

つ：small quiet… followed by… I… I liked … it… I l. loved, it. I want. More I… want [tsukasa interrupting] amane…. [nene nodding] amane-kun…. amane-kun to, d. do it, more….

あ：mmm yes… you get to watch the statement go into him like you threw a precision dart at a target… to feeeel the cock twitches. the hurried scuffing.

つ：[tsukasa.. gently holding amane's jaw] [tilting his head] I also want you to do it more.

nene has to… feel… ah…. he…. was right. he knew…. he knew how to make him…. is it possible to know someone so well… [delirious from cock] am I lucky… tsukasa-kun is here…too…

あ：she can feel the effects... it just ripples throughout him... undeniably..little lightbulb going off in head but it is full of c*m

Amane: [mouth worrying, licking lips, swallowing…] [troubled seeming] Tsukasa: [noting he's struggling with words] -- and , you want to too, don't you, Amane..! You do, don't you? You felt so good. Amane: [hoarsely] h…hhhhai. [nod nod…] [throws head like agitated horse] and nene watching this all like ouh… wow… tsukasa-kun is like an… expert… sasuga futago otouto… [kind of clueless, awed tone] You really did… like it a lot, Am.. Amane-kun… you… wanted this, with me..? [cumbrain. and, thinking about 'the narrative'] ff… for a while…

つ：tsukasa like wtf this is so cuuuute❤️ KAWAIIIIII

あ：so smart she is learning!!yesss talk to him tell him what you have observed...

つ：yessss team up with me nene-chaaaaan

あ：RULE WITH ME

つ：so cute amane like. repeatedly. huffing. he is like a troubled horse but then its like [tsukasa against nene's ear] you should tell him his cock looks nice

TSUKASA-KUN THATS TOO DIRECT!!!!!!!! MURI

あ：such a screeaaaa amoment [tsukasa rubbing your shoulders] [like your boxing coach]

つ：but trying to behave. am. ammn. ama. amane-k, kun

あ：[he looks at you like a sad dog for a sec awaiting the bacon]

つ：your c . your cc. co. [being rubbed] cock -- COCK [UNNECESSARILY LOUD] [fucks up] FEELS-- looks--!

[inelegant] ggggooddddd

あ：fus roh dah'd its just like MY WAHT [COUGHs blood]

つ：he did not know nene could say such a word

あ：[BLINKs out of sync] it... wh... ..? you- you were [fucking sounds like a bully uncontrollably] looked.? you've beenlooking [slurring]

つ：[tsukasa observing amane be shitty excitedly]

あ：like mgh?f hgf. what hte fuck…. sl-slut.s lut whore what hte fuck… looking at my.. this might actually make him so sick [voice becomes lower] [suddenly less clipped] what.. do you want to look at it…? actually thinking about how shitty it would be to like . pause. for this. like actually we are going to call attention to this tis my choice but you have tsukasa to be the crazy guy who is liek YAS

つ：FUCKING SHOW USSSS for this moment he is not thinking of tsukasa tsukasa has vanished tsukasa is just sitting there like 😮observing these transpiring events but in amane's mind its nene undera spotlight

nfnnf no what d did i get inttto [but wobbles from heat] but t. i ? see it ?

あ：like oh. i"llllllllllllll show you my cock if thats what yuore into. [pitying fsr]

つ：[pure brain unfiltered in her head] i do want to see it

あ：gets on my throne about it for a sec. UNABLE TO CHECK SELF

つ：puuulll a littlee awayyyy….. ah nene…. swallowing. nodding. h. hai. politely. clasps hands together at chest…..

あ：shimmy shimmy… incidentally it is good, umm, atmosphere, for this all, steadily hardening again… taking a detour to grasp self… Urhg. unfortunately i do think he has THOUGHT before about presentation, his hands are not. demure. while tsukasa isnt being paid attention to, i think he is active enough still like making sure nene is looqing. hand on her head. staring attentively as well

つ：i enjoy the big show. we all love the big show

あ：i am the big show oh sorry amane is soo shitty but he's quantifiably soo shitty.. it's really going to be like… [staring at nene while running hand along it, pumps..] [wincing, but focused.] So. You like it. Like the look of it. [guy who is going to make you repeat yourself]

つ：[like afucking military officer is talking to her] HAI

あ：it's really like [shifts hips..] [fingers looped in👌hand, dipping in and out of it] i make you think. about it

つ：well i think putting on a show makes tsukasa completely speechless jaw dropped. the synergy of tsukasa and nene here is profound actually

あ：gets laser focused eyes haven't seen him like this… Amane letting loose has never been… relishing in it, this much. ouhh.

つ：both. breathing through mouths. tracking so closely with eyes. zeroed in thinking h… he's…. can he be so confident….. Amane-kun…. I didn't know… h. he…. could…. be so, bold…. direct thank you blessed tsukasa-kun for creating this circumstance

あ：🙏we need you . we need you so badly

つ：amane watching nene flinch when his cock twitches… its like mmm. tsukasa doesn't flinch. still. impeccably so. as though an animal camouflaging. focused

あ：Good to know she really is thinking about it. this is a good way to get geared up… to fuck her again… like ooh. this makes me want to fuck your brains out

つ：its charming to me for tsukasa to fade into the background briefly, its like the… familiarity of him kinda briefly renders him nonexistent, as nene is being dealt with. he is cool to hang out.

あ：he is not intrusive to it all he is permitted to watch amane ostentatiously pull back foreskin

つ：stops breathing, visibly. makes amane laugh… which makes her jump. heavy breathy lil laugh from him for amane it must be so chaaarming….. mmm she's not only weak to a pretty face, now is she. lol

あ：It's that interesting huh. [humming]

つ：[amane, flatly] so… is this your real weakness. should I have lead with this.

あ：This would've kept your attention hm.. [tilts it back and forth... being. crude.]Gets results. You probably can't even remember any other guy's name or face right now Right? haha.

つ：blinks. oh cant see. but wants to see. visibly trying to, recover from feeling dazed. blinking a lot

tsukasa uncontrollably also feeling like he is being talked to, but that is irrelevant. just going into his skull

its like humorous honestly its like . yeah i do not remember anythignn rn

あ：fjdghf… sweetie. cute though. like it goes into your real stomach

[strokes..] [breathing falters a bit, but swallows] Well… maybe now you won't run off any chance you get with whoever You'll just think about this instead. won't you. Maybe if I just tell you to , you will.

つ：nods…. if…. .. will you…. really do this…. f. from now on…..? with… with. me

あ：[breathes] Oh. Yeah [brain melting] allthe time You. won't be able to. get away from … me. [h-hm. that wasnt the plan.]

つ：o, okay [stupid]

あ：[shifting to get between legs mindlessly, regardless] we are both stupid like mghhhhhhhhhhh i want in im READY

つ：everyone's stupid amane whipped his cock out and rubbed it and everyone got brain damage

あ：tsukasa's hand should like rush to spread pussy for

つ：that would be cute. like KLFJSD;KLF WAKES UP WAIT I HAD A PLAN!!! I WAMS GONAN. HELP

あ：master is returning i must get the door

but i think generously its like this is just allowed. WE'RE all dealing wtih poison status efx we have NO THOUGHTS i think tsukasa should just be allowed to feel it sink in… framing

つ：tsukasa did a good job aligning the shot for amane to take it. like a retical on a sniper juuuust slightlyyy feel the skin drag along the edge of his fingers…. pull down as he sinks in

あ：a treat for the good good brother… i do not think amane can be taken off his cloud after such a lead up its like mgh yes. oh commence fuck yes [grateful for 1 sec] its good to sink so fluidly into pussy, get so deep. NEED

i grant tsukasa also getting to feel him really pull back and then slam.. grind against… not bothering to wait for fingers to move… the urgency spurs everything forward. but its like i think everyone's hindbrain loves the energy of all of us coming together like this

つ：mmmm force crushing into hand… nnngghice. coooool… amane is cool nene is gone though

あ：we have lost her. that is okay. was assassinated… our dearly beloved

つ：a good…. deserved…. hard plow. unmitigated clutching with all limbs… stupid slut brain just thinking about the shape endlessly and the sensation combined with it aware now, of, twitches. more aware. knows what those look like. feels them harder.

somewhere, shijima: this sucks i hate it i fucking hate drawing

あ：doing all that she can to not just slash the canvas hate knowing tsukasa and no. 7 are fucking tfw mitsuba and kou are fucking out taking photos are some shit that's what she signed up for. not. this.

つ：the afterglow of this situation…. is humorous to think about i fklsdjfklsf tsukasa's just goingto be smelling his hand in the backgruond and amane is like not going to notice/think about it or like why that is its like oh tsukasa is doing w/e

あ：same as he ever was...

つ：the duality of it smells like pussy and cock. much to huff

あ：its a very special day for tsukasa. WOW! i guess i didnt see absolutely everything in the timeline sometimes even i do not know what will happen

hanako having to like. ruminate on. like.💭 ………………… do i just…………………………. quietly peace out still once i gaurantee nene can stay here………… ………………. no. 2 will just have a fake amane to slot in so. [thinks. about. if nene iwll. fuck. that clone. ] no. 💭……………….. she'll forget about her other life eventually. but this is. a part of the. narrative. here.

つ：can I get shijima to kill me off [jealous over paper cut out of self]

あ：she'd probably enjoy that right have me hit by a truck or whatever … me and tsukasa. i wont let. paper cut out tsukasa comfort her.

つ：tsukasa in the BG licking his hand, but covertly like a child sneaking a cookie. as if he could get scolded nene is comatose…. floating coin slot

あ：hanako just kinda middle distance staring thinking about this stuff. but thats okay

つ：everyone is contemplating

あ：is also just like. but by god if i aint going to fuck her again later whatever itll sort itself out

つ：💭wait, this hanako-- amane-kun ? has a pulse and. is warm. can he get me pregnant ?

あ：was i irresponsible because i forgot about htis-!? ………..wait…………… did amane-kun choose to………. ………………………… [if i am engaging with amane-kun like he is really alive boy.] so he made the decision to……………………… do it in me… multiple times

つ：[nene in space]

あ：having to be like. does he want me to . he has to at least not care. if it happens. [thinks] i guess my parents would just take care of me no matter hwat

つ：or is he… such a … dirty creep its not his problem… [this makes her horny]

あ：[none of the thoughts have the right amount of severity] he's just going to be like… "figure it out…" and keep unloading into me 😭….🤤

つ：tsukasa💭i wonder if nene-chan would let me smell her hmm or rather if amane would let me smel nene chan

あ：the real questions tsukasa.

____________________

つ：> tsukasa uncontrollably also feeling like he is being talked to, but that is irrelevant. just going into his skull

I keep thinking about this

its just so f. funny to be dirty talking nene like mm you dont think about other guys. and tsukasa is like i do not [seriously, mentally] i do not amane would just be like [tired face] y. oh i know you. dont. sigh. i. no thats

あ：sooo funny like we're doing mental affirmations with tsukasa as well

つ：that wasnt for you like [facepalm] you're unintentionally doing mental affirmations with tsukasa. is the problem. nene and tsukasa are both like mmngh only you

あ：cumbrain tsukasa is very endearing like aumghmm im loyal too

つ：i do not need affirmations. from tsukasa. says amane im not trying to affirm that one sigh

あ：if you even imagined it. like intrusively. itd be like [frowns]. like sees mental image of me being like: you only think about me dont you and tsukasa like VIBRATING barking yes. doesnt it almost feel liek dirty talking a toddler

つ：like glkgl;gjdfklg

あ：the idea of being liek: you like ice cream, to a kid whose face and hadns are all sticky

つ：I'M SIMPLY LOVING THSEE TAKES ITS SO FUNNYYYY

ITS TOO FUNNY TO IMAGINE DOING THIS TO TSUKASA ITS SO FUNNY YOU CAN DO IT TO NENE ALL DAY and like he WILL do it to nene all day. like thats right girl you only think about and look at me. you can't even care about anything else anymore. how you should be. and tsukasa is absorbing it into his own brain 3rd party without amane's consent or intent.

あ：its. so funny. but also like , i do love the thought of it uncontrollably happening regardless like you can't remove tsukasa from the scene of the crime

つ：he is present.

あ：sigh its precious though isnt it… like shifting and fidgeting in seat as well… fox that is about to pee didnt ever conceptualize amane commenting on your feelings i dont think tsukasa could fathom like not, responding, mentally, i think the internal stream of thought must simply become yes master………………

つ：mochiron tsukasa does believe himself and nene are the same in their feelings, and amane affirming this dynamic with HER only affirms the 'we are exactly the same, we feel the same things for Amane, we want the same things with Amane'

hearing the relationship become THIS just naturally confirms his own dynamic… of course it's like that, because we are the same. like to hear it, as much as Nene does, we're all eager to hear such things

あ：our roles are the same…

but i love the thought of this happening like multiple times as amane gets like idk addicted to the sheer ease, the butter. of the situation. and keeps dirty talking nene possessively... and you only start brushing up with how this has been effecting tsukasa like later. you have a moment where both nene and tsukasa nod to something in a zombie like manner and youre like ? [shakes head] [but moves on]

つ：its sssoo funny how many times it could be that Amane is simply in such a tunnelvision horny state while devolving into his dirty talk, that he has blinders on, isn't seeing tsukasa, but as well, tsukasa doesn't express much obviously, he's trapdoor open mouth and big eyes, so you dont always know what he is ✅seen. But it is ssso funny to finally one day observe tsukasa synchronized nodding with nene lidding eyes at you, SO parallell to her, that its. -feel like you hallucinated-

あ：right like we're so deep into this madness and then its like hugh. j?? but.. still not being jarred enough to stop its just like a hitch. like what? but. okay

つ：tsukasa ..? oh m.moving on. whatever

you can believe he's just a sort of ape imitating motions if you think about this later and feel like dying. i like to think in the moment Amane would like, get over it, continue, but later in his stall unfortunately uncontrollably remember synchronized nod and feel dread

[of montreal voice] LETS RELAAAAATE

あ：Someone who feels their demise encroaching on the horizon Omens… and portents

つ：the time and place of your own death

あ：Uhuh. really just alternating between being like "no it definitely wasnt anything" and then "that. wasnt nothing." and then "okay but it-- even if he was. [scalding, hate to say it] horny-- it would -- i mean its probably just from THE SEX HAPPENING right. like the vibes in the room." pause. "… that doesnt sound… like, good. dude."

[to self] are we really going to… like, not address this. if tsukasa is getting horny about things you're saying meant for yashiro. [defensively] but i already have to deal with tsukasa being in the room while i do things to yashiro right. isnt that already so weird. what am i even going to say.

tsukasa is already getting horny about things meant for yashiro what does it matter. and what am i gonna say. wear this burlap sack. [being an asshole internally] we're already trying to ignore him being there.

つ：but the next time you are dirty talking her you are going to think far too hard about the duality of what you are saying. when you re-read a post but in someone else's tone of voice and perspective… and can understand how they specifically will twist these worsd

あ：starting to talk about your eyes drift and see tsukasa's gaze and its like [slows.] [now you two are just making eye contact]

つ：stops. talking. which yashiro notices is like a… ahh..? are you…. okay…. ? noticing something.. but I think Hanako would just snap immediately after

grab her by the throat, shove her down, DETERMINED TO SAY CRAZIER SHIT

あ：oh get all. the animal within about it.

つ：YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!! EVER AGAIN!!! YOU CAN'T SSSTAND ANYTHING ELSE!!! IT'S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. NOTHING IS WORTH YOUR TIME!!!! BUT ME!!!

あ：it's like his own hiccupping and faltering makes him so frustrated, the only response can be [snarls] … cant let anything get in the way of ASSERTING MY POSITION. yashiro should know WHAT SHE IS TO ME. oh….. you know because hanako is the way he is i do think it could really get so sick. like. I WON'T STOP UNTIL EVERY DREAM YOU HAVE IS ABOUT ME EVERY NIGHTMARE, EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT IN YOUR LITTLE HEAD!!

YOUR LIFE WAS OVER THE DAY YOU MET ME!

つ：ah ssso scary for nene, but immediately violently effective, girls… girls want to hear thissssss.

going into tsukasa it's [eyes back in skull] myn the day I met you [was born] being younger sibling meaning never existing without the other.

あ：oh its a lot for tsukasa to hear that specifically isnt it

つ：in trying to target things at yashiro and blast through this obstruction, just say it, going to only say worse things, by nature

あ：there's no way to actually avoid effecting tsukasa. they are indeed, the same.

つ：there is NO avoiding it, you CANT make it more pointed, exact, you cannot.... you can't. saying all of that panting and watching both of them arching is flk;fgklfkl;jKL;GJSKL;GJSKLG NGNHGHKM!!!!!

あ：[getting crazier] YOU NEVER HAD A CHOICE YOUR LIFE WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE MINE!!!

つ：ah… the two of them…. its so synchronus its scary. scary to observe. shuddering as words hit skulls

あ：very scary... like its possessing them equally

つ：its like ohhhh hFKH EVeryones FUCKIGN EHRE FOR ME AREN'T THEY!!!! FINE

あ：ohh so thats how it is… FFFFFFFFFINE [frothing] you just love to hear it dont you [frustrated by the circumstances] wish i would speak to you like this all the time. would make your life so easy, right

つ：nod nod. nene has tears in her eyes... tugging at his arms, hands

あ：feeling sooo reduced… oh nene is such a humble girl i think she really quickly can be taken into a state of "IF YOU WOULD HAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [cries] if you could want that

つ：it makes her cry, to simply have what she wants..... to, be, owned. hard to believe, every time....it's so extreme, he has to mean it.... she's a grateful girl, when its happening. blubbering little mess....

Amane in his broken mental state, beseeching them both with.... Why don't you tell me something, for once... I'm always talking... say something. But...! It would only be Nene replying, Tsukasa DOES understand these sorts of instructions aren't for him, he just sits and listens to Nene with Amane, eager for her to be his mouthpiece, speak for them both, as she does. he sees her as a mere extention.... she's so sincere, too

あ：he has a lot of sincere faith in nene to be able to express, she is hand selected by amane and deemed worthy of this, she is good girl and does as she is told, she can answer the call

つ：whining that, I, I like not thinking of anything else.... if you really want my attention, alway, s, if, if it really-- doesn't annoy you, Hanako-kun, I-I can't, imagine, if, you wouldn't be tired, you're never tired...? Of me....?

あ：Oh i feel like it's the sort of sentence that makes Hanako become so !? [wheeze] of course. of- of course! [that feeling he gets, like: ITS SO OBVIOUS, IT'S SELF EVIDENT] ...... i could never get tired of it... [mouth tense. the road bumps!! swallows, drags hand on face] ... it's not even a competition. no one is anything.

[devolving into like.. muttering] i could do this all day… [hufff….] if i could keep you here. you wouldn't even go home, anymore. [squeezes throat]

つ：for tsukasa, at times observing nene is like observing a younger version of himself... scared to be called dummy, scared to bore, annoy, upset amane... strokes and pets her as she talks, nuzzles nene.

あ：it is like that isn't it… like the insecure self who cannot believe the interest is really present. while tsukasa has, in a sense 'matured' and gotten to the point of trusting amane's feelings so entirely that the fact that amane wants something is the proof itself

つ：amane will not waste time with unnecessary things… tsukasa watched him have no friends. he knows he is choosing nene, for a reason. but seeing her be sensitive, is sweet… seeing amane reassure her, is sweet.

あ：its pleasing to see them communicate directly like this. what tsukasa loves to seeee... getting right to it, say the words that matter most

つ：feels like amane IS healing

あ：i do think it is one of hanako's most feeble emotions that he wishes yashiro did not have to go home at the end of the day. it would be a big admittance… for her to get to know. bc she has to understand he's like a sad dog about it

つ：its cute he will occilate between dom voice and like…. nuzzling nene. so cute… having a really sweet moment of her crying. nuzz nuzz, from both boys. I love the idea of Yashiro sneaking out at night and coming to school, even if she just. sleeps. somwhere in the school. giving hanako privilege of watching her sleep

あ：break you into the nurses office or something. it would be sweet he surely wants to look at you all night and pet your head you know

つ：for all this though its funny if after a short beat he sort of…. looks…. over at Tsukasa. kind of half-lidded side-eye. Sortof grimmacing internally… like m…. observing him nuzzling and squeezing Nene, knowing that Tsukasa was also. Feeling those words, but did legitimately censor himself from replying… but its funny to be unable to control his nature towards Tsukasa. Throwing the dog a bone but, difficultly….. "and you. Do you have anything to say. Tsukasa."

Tsukasa is like !!!!!! :U ….. !!! ?!? [braindead to be called attention to] nene is like ? … [slightly confused why Amane is talking to Tsukasa? is like when… since when? hm? Tsukasa…?]

when justin is in that. mode where he's so like. When justin is like AND I lik- e, sex, weird ,sex. when H'es liek. aND i'VE got a, rap personality, to i-i his, name-- uh, its. shitty tim. [is there an offchance he STINKS?] HAHA y-- n, no I… not like, no not, shitty like….

あ：rhgfghjf yeah like fumbling to contribute as well

つ：[voice crackling in throat] YEAH I! [braindead] …AMANE…!

あ：…………………. …………………………………………………….. ………… tsukasa. [looks.] [like. go on.]

つ：!!! pants, ah!!! [excited kid on a stage]

あ：breathing into the microphone

つ：Nh! Nene-chan!!! The same!! Me, too!! Ne, ne, Nene-chan? [pivoting towards her cluelessly] its not the same as being like nervous its just being like lfjsdlfk;sj so mindless like ahouhh thank you for the opportunity!!! knocks over microphone

あ：oh you are going to activate hanako's dummy demon brain. youre not that smart huh. [slow blink] [FEELING like a benevolent god, as i reach over and grab your face with one hand]

つ：!!!

あ：[sigh] What is the same.

つ：hiccups A wiggles. now nene is also staring at tsukasa like… hm…. can he really get tongue tied? what is this scene…..

YouRs! Yours! Ua-Hhheheeheehe, we, 're here, for, AMANE!

あ：nene's end of this

the way hanako just has to feel like. [leers] Yeah that's right. [shakes head side to side while holding it in hand. the way people who are used to foxes just garb their mouths] [condescending tone]

つ：tsukasa just like HEHEHEHEHEHFEKGJRK!!!! HEEHEEEHEEheehee skitters ffeet under hakama . breathes

both nene and hanako looking so lidded . synchronus too

あ：💭 this is so easy it should be a crime. [hanako processing that dirty talking tsukasa feels like. shooting fish in a barrel]

つ：belong…. to Amane… fffor, Amane. [quieter, but still trapdoor smiling] born…. for Amane… to be with, Amane….

あ：

つ：makes Nene pause

あ：[jenny voice] heyyyy waita sec

つ：funny to think of it working authentically on hanako for 1 second being like…..[nene observes hanako ceasing] when hanako is like. the shape of. . fing ers, [begins not paying attention]

あ：[turns]

つ：I think Hanako is shitty enough, charmingly, to start like picking his nose

あ：as if this doesn't really concern him

つ：its like.... at best, pets tsukasa's head, but condescendingly

あ：that's the best i can do for you

つ：mmhmmm…… sigh you did as i asked

あ：pets you but doesnt look knocks tsukasa's hat off rudely in my gesture

つ：pant pant pant pant [perfectly satisfied]

💭 hmm… somehow this doesn't seem fair 💭… I dont know if Tsukasa-kun and I are really the same…. he's….. [squints, looking for kind words] . sure gracious, isn't he…. 💭suddenly, I feel pretty spoiled….

あ：thinking, i dont know if i could handle it if Hanako-kun wouldn't even look at me e-er. errrr…..

つ：eeehhhh…. really… hard to imagine…. what tsukasa-kun deals with…. how Hanako-kun appears from his position….

あ： nene thinking harder, in ways hanako and tsukasa just cannot: if i was just holding some other girl while hanako fingered her or something. omg wait! that sucks 😭hold on!

つ：WAIT THAT WOULD RUIN ME I justs had to listen to wahtever Hanako-kun said to her and trust it applied to me too😭 WE'RE NOT ALIKE AT ALL, TSUKASA-KUN

あ：🐟💭i guess i'm insecure even when i'm in the 'center' of this-!!!!!

つ：it's so overwhelming, but, there are worse things than being overwhelmed, aren't there…. ah, somehow, tsukasa-kun… he seems so overwhelmed by the little he gets, doesn't he…. that's amazing, but…. is it really good…? he was so happy, being spoken to, just now…. though, he's kind of always happy, isn't he…. should I be concerned? Is this overthinking…. but, well….

[huff] its Hanako-kun who I'm concerned about here….! why can't he….. do more…..Tsukasa-kun's graciousnesss…. it kind of feels like it's letting Hanako-kun get away with something…. just because someone allows such a lax treatment… does that make it alright? h-hmm… this is complicated.

あ：nene capable of being like ah hold on matte matte… …… i mean… i guess hanako-kun could.. technically treat ME in lots of ways and i'd… [this is scalping but.] ………………………………. 6_6

つ：s... so long as.... I was still... there.....

あ：i would just. be happy to be his girl i guess [bald]

つ：m-maybe that's, s, satisfying in and of itself, u-uhm… ettoo…… mmm.. l-like, my own. ah. loyalty, p.. proven m-maybe that's why Tsukasa-kun is so self-satisfied…. hmm, I suddenly feel like the most immature one here, ….. -- EXCEPT, HANAKO-KUN is just following his whims….! mmm

あ：…. but still, why doesn't hanako-kun want to be any nicer, is he really okay with treating his younger twin brother this way…. [indignant] hey, arent i older!

つ：… Tsukasa-kun said… he was born for Amane… that is how he feels, isn't it…. it's…. almost literal-feeling, in his case, isn't it….

あ：I suppose I can't imagine what it would be like to always be with Hanako-kun, since I was born.... [gets emo on tsukasa's behalf]

つ：see i want a threeway where hanako starts talking to nene as he does, and she just fucking grabs tsukasa's face and puts his face in hanako's face, and hanako is like RECORD SCRATCH

あ：it is her job to be like hey!!!

つ：[Hanako tries to look away. nene insanely grabs his jaw too] she didn't have a plan. this isn't actually well executed just got. indignant

あ：if we're just grabbing each other's faces out here if thats how we do things

つ：[trying to be fucking. firm-footed. we do things like this out here, don't we!! I'M OLDER] WHY DO WE ALWAYS LISTENT O ONLY HANAKO-KUN

あ：lol flksdghdf it feels like itd be such a [staring at each other] tsukasa [spiritually] hi handsem

つ：wiggles fingers hello vibes smiles so pleasantly! fancy seeing you heeere

nene trying to be a bold, dominant force: WHY DON'T YOU SAY HOW YOU FEEL, H, HANAKO-KUN! ALWAYS TELLING US, W,WHAT TO, DO, MMMAKING US TALK TO YOU… WH, WHAT ABOUT TSUKASA-KUN… C. CAN YOU TALK TO HIM FOR ONCE

[hands shaking holding them in place above her]

あ：wtf you dont kiss me i kiss you [pouts] hanako, disoriented, like -- where am i . werent we all like. Me: I own you You: You own us

つ：Tsukasa is just like [trapdoor mouth] heke? but I also think given a beat Tsukasa would be like… Nene-chan doesn't have to do this….❤️ you don't have to talk, Amane!

YES HE DOES

[enjoying this immensely] oh

あ：heiki heiki🤤 daijoubu im fiibne.

つ：sssooo like mnn hehe ouhhh this is so cuuute endearing awe nene-chan mmmblblbl enjoying staring at amane though like mm yes hehe

あ：a moment of pleasure for me

i think hanako is just like !? [frozen. bc the sheer like. what.] [internally, flatly] what you want me to what [frowns] [but like its so 'what' that he cant actually freak tf out about it really its like ?] especially when tsukasa is just like looking at him dopily i think its like

つ：………………….. we're too familiar for this, Yashiro. You don't get it [shittily]

あ：yeah. like . uhhh. lol…. n-no? Why would I tell Tsukasa my feelings.

つ：b. because…..

あ：He doesn't need to hear my feelings. Isn't that right. Tsukasa.

つ： I already know how Amane feels.

[wilting a little] BUT ISN'T IT NICE TO. TO HEAR IT!? YOU LIKE TO HEAR IT, DON'T YOU?!

あ："Hey……."

つ：Y, YOU LIKE TO HEAR IT!! IT FEELS GOOD TO HEAR IT!!! WHAT ARE WE DOING BUT MAKING. EACH OTHER. FEEL GOOD!!!!

あ：💭 you want me to make my little brother "feel good" ? kimochi warui

つ：I GET TO HEAR IT!!! A-AND YOU, JUST, S, sit there, I, I get that it's different, but….. b, but, T, Tsukasa-kun is. He's, he's patient, a-and,

wag wag awe Nene-chan….. wtf defending meeeee 💔 aweee

あ：Amane becoming like the. Looks at you expressionlessly like you are a particle. but i think he's not really offended by this still, it's just like. raises brow.

つ：I-I know he's content with just being present, I know it's different, but.. [trying so hard to articulate her own thesis. should have thought this through]

あ：tilts head. looks at her with some genuine pity, like, man she's upset about something isn't she. lifts head out of her hold but slowly, not ripping away or anything. reaches down, pets her head

So… you feel bad for Tsukasa because he's… well-behaved or something

つ：tsukasa, scalping Amane: It's difficult for Amane, so he doesn't need to do it Nene-chan is so kind…..

あ：[chuffs] Hey. Quit it This isn't about me

つ：YOU LISTEN TO HIM TALKING TO ME…. you respond, too… to it….I feel it. receiving things so indirectly always…… a. aren't I…. …. spoiled….?

あ：You are spoiled. [not helping]

つ：slaps him a little

あ：deserved. allows it necessary

つ：[MOVING ON] Tsukasa-kun…. can it really be like this forever, and be okay…. we… aren't exactly the same, actually….

I couldn't do what you do, at all…! If I was…. with, p, people, but I was always…. on the sides…. if I was just holding onto someone else…. someone else getting all the, love poured into them….

あ：[watching her go on like sheesh… when you say it like that] [starting to feel a lil bad. hackles raise.]

つ：[nnnnnot my bullshit being laid out]

あ：but you put hanako in such a position of... what, are you going to defend that you're very loving to tsukasa

つ：or do you si t there and wait for TSUKASA to do so hell both ways

あ：i dont like where this is going [trying to intercept tsukasa responding] Well, what am I supposed to do, to make you feel better Yashiro? You just want me to tell him, [falters.] that, it's good that he's here or whatever [6:53 PM] [trying to think on his feet] it's… I mean, the fact that I'm even letting him stay in the room. Is all the proof.

つ：tsukasa nodding feeling. feeble.

あ：… [doesnt like the vibes…] [looking at nene who is like, wet eyed at this point surely. troubled looking.] [feeling like Ohhhhh what do you want to hear…] rubs face.

つ：so feeling, stupid and belittled and yet still somewhat righteous, but unable to understand how to articulate any of it

あ：tsukasa must feel like oh poor nene she really is sad for me wwww

つ：petting her, shushing her, rubbing her lovingly with Amane….. [softly] …. I'm like Nene-chan, in the future Nene-chan… is like me, before!

Amane, [readying the scalping device] was… Amane. Hehe. I would lose something of his…. or break it… and he would say [PERFECT IMPRESSION] TSUKASA, YOU IDIOT …. [smiling] he's like that

he would groan [PERFECT IMPRESSION] UUGHHghh, Tsukasa! hehe. It's like that for Nene-chan, now ….. but. That's not how Amane really feels. Of course, of course! Of course, you know, how he really feels! It's easier to groan, hehe

but… we're having fun here, Tsukasa….. even if you know it's true….. objectively…. it would feel good to have….. more…..wouldn't it….?

[plainly] If Amane wanted to give me more, I would like that. Is Nene-chan going to make him?

n-. n-no ,

[disappointed] awe. okay!

w-wait.

あ：while they talk

つ：hanako transforming into a corn cob

あ：like sttttoppppp….. stop it [reactively] its not THAT hard, i dont need to be FORCED tsukasa is talking about me being. A LITTLE KID im not like that now [getting sooo.. like.. omgg stop the drags… stooop… IM NOT SIX ANYMOOORE THIS ISNT LIKE BREAKING MY TOY TRAIN] [FUCK!!!] but i think this would make tsukasa feel so ahaha. no you are still amane like nene goes chigau. that is you now.

つ：its not so different.

あ：tsukasa agrees. un un. oh its amane.

つ：he does call me dummy, sometimes

un un

あ：[feeling like he is being forcefully shrunked] wwHAAAT WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??? "THANKS FOR HOLDING YASHIRO WHILE I FUCK HER" ?F/GJFD "THANKS FOR BEING SO WELL-BEHAVED AND LOYAL THAT YOU PROP HER UPF OR ME"

つ：[talking to tsukasa, somewhat ignoring hanako] he's always saying things are self-evident and stuff…..

un, un he doesn't like to say it directly. action, action! Amane is about action! to your bodyyy [wiggling fingers] hehehe

あ：tsukasa, kindly: moe deshou. kawaii

つ：moe makes nene giggle

あ：kawaii desuyo ne… nene: souu…

つ：… un…… moee….. closes eyes, nodding sortof whispering towards tsukasa but still audible: but doesn't it make you wish it would be challenged….

あ：oh it's very fun to see amane be challenged [tongue lolling emotion] his reactions are the best so, will you? [wishmaker voice]

but during this babbling i do want amane to just burst out like HEY. [INTERRUPTS.] Look look look…………………. Fine. We'll try it out. [like ugh.. UGH. it doesnt matter wtf.] so can we stop talking and actually get to the funs tuff

getting indignant about not being predictable. its NOT in my nature. i'll show you two…

つ：i'm not even, having problems!!!

あ：If it really matters soo much to you Yashiro. Fine! Whatever you know. Oh me? Totally fine

つ：tsukasa smiling pleasantly. flowers around. mmm hehe

あ：[HUFFS]. watch this. [coughs] GOOD BOY TSUKASA. [like i am blasting a sonic beam]

つ：big eyes also big eyes she can observe it indeed working but its so funny, the crudest animal, he is just buzzing like ehheheheehe!!!! REALLY!!

あ：the way you can't eat food as a joke etc. [not a very immediate response, but trying to maintain cool front] Mmm-hmm… of. course you are. You're always good. [hurriedly, no homo] Just like Yashiro. 💭 cuz you two are ~the same~ or whatever. ohh good for you.

つ：ah he's so funny he is so protected. just funny

but tsukasa is just like paaant hehe CANT RESIST PUTTING ARMS AROUND SHOULDERS!!! THANK YOU, AMANE!!! nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle

あ：trying to prove a point but feeling so

つ：simply satisfied with this step 1. like we're rehabilitating an animal

あ：[grabs tsukasa's shoulders. but stops self from prying off.] [slack grip.] [doesnt. know what to do.] Yeah yeah you're welcome… [rolls shoulders.]

つ：hugs tsukasa….. you are good….. it'll be even more fun, some day

oooouu really……?

mmhm!

あ：Mhmm. [not looking at anything.] So fun. [sounds like i am appeasing some choddlers]

つ：grabs his cock

あ：[promising a kid you'll buy them a unicorn-- HRUGHFD]GF

つ：the way nene is threatening shijima. hthat sort of heelturn she can do or when she suddenly berates hanako after playing easygoing/dumb

あ：yes omg… played you under the fucking table actually i love whens he threatens shijima she gets all devil horns fully upright horns

つ：pumps through slacks. has her hand just between them, and a hand on tsukasa's back, still, from the hug

tsukasa is like hmmm, i see i see, holds Amane in place. increases grip on shoulders.

あ：Oh like the sound of iron bars slamming shut. it's all happening so fast -- like tsukasa reacted just before he could peel off and escape hand

Expert tsukasa reaction time So you just have Hanako kicking his legs about and making as if to float/inch backwards

startled horse out here. but ohhhhhhhhhh i think the cock pain is unimaginable in this position. 0-100… you weren't actually keeping track of yourself this whole time. feels like your body has been tense and wound up from all the prattling becomes so very hard in her grip it's abysmal

つ：nene has a devil horns mode somewhere inside of her. actually hanako being shitty this whole time has just made her certain of doing this, at a point.

あ：He thinks he can talk down to us like we're just two dumb kids or something ooooh....

つ：[flatly] oh, you got hard fast.

あ：dissociates

つ：slides hand into pants. just jerks off so fast

あ：It's never so. fast

つ：tsukasa's hand of this deal is simply being face against amane's cheek and nuzzling and getting THE most upclose experience of him breathing and panting and shuddering everrr WOOOOOWWWW

[heavily] Thhis is ffun, Nene-chan…… [breathed into Amane's ear]

あ：the-- you should never be talking to your sibling if you can see/touch your penis. shouldn't be chest to chest with tsukasa in embrace while getting cock stroked. sirens going off. WE ARE IN DANGER

but i think delightfully it shuts his brain down enough that he has no freaking plan of escape and is just squirmbling… grapples, grasps tsukasa and nene intermittently, tight grasps! but i think she is scarily determined and unfettered by some sloppy pawing at

they both feel amane buck into her hand harshly as tsukasa speaks… shuddering… trying to choke down noises….

つ：nene-chan is very impressive, he thinks.....

あ：very clever girl!

つ：tsukasa-kun, maybe you could keep doing that…..

mmm, talking? uuehehehe

あ：nene onee-chan is in the room, has the mic. i think she could be soo needling and exact actually, like: I can feel that he likes you talking.

つ：😮

あ：hauhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh reallyyyyy?

つ：make hanako grab his own face

あ：you are FLAYING HIM it sjust like NNGHFD!!! knocks off my hat

つ：Amane…. it's good if it's for Nene-chan, right…? Isn't it good? she wants this….. you're pleasing her! That feels good, doesn't it, Amane? You can't feel bad for doing something she likes

(why am I on blast….)

あ：(thats how it is girl…)

つ：he is chaotic alignment.

mm, mmm, you're giving her a show….! She likes us, you know….

あ：[hands claw at the front of tsukasa's shirt] [scrabble scrabble.. restless…]

つ：….[thinking about the show, for her, then] …… I love you❤️

あ：hanako has become the big show. [cock painfully, dramatically seizing in her grip] i think its so oo lfijgghf. like hg fkghf dont tsay yhtat while i am getting jerked off so hard ifkdgh ..f [leaks] [drips onto her]

つ：nene finally tongue-tied observing this. ack. ddndmn. boys simply can only keep pumping mindlessly

あ：its a lot to be right up against. sheeesh the intensity…

つ：petting Amaneeee... really stroking face, hair, back. no longer gripping him tightly in place...

あ：A good position honestly… i like how he could reach past tsukasa to touch nene for comfort too, pet her hair… not in any state to like… flee.. its like ooh…….. youve shrunk him…

つ：gaze BESEECHINGLY but helplessly. while bucking into hand. does this pleeaaase youuuuu

あ：is this really whatis wanted [whines.]

つ：shudders to hear him whiine so close.... also whines, like sympathetic animal

あ：help… the whacky shaaack [RUBS FACE AGAINST…]

つ：the threeway… was dangerous, always HYUUEEEE NUZZLING. STEAM COMES OFF HEAD

あ：nuzzling but in a manner like two possessed animals frenetic energy. we are not calming down from it

rub rub rub… ohh and the way tuggies can be sooo violent when youre feeling it like fucks hand soo hard. rhghfg… always feel insane when im feeling it THAT hard. girl isnt even moving her hand much

つ：at this point…. she is really just feeling his pace and intensity, it's mostly him now…. seeing them nuzzle… w… whoa…. never seen it like this… haven't imagined it like this…. ! s. sweet, right….

moves hands to weirdly touch his ribs, buttons of his gakuran

あ：auerrr.. dizzying… reflexively, hanako feels fear about something like this. gut clenches. you usually are trying to live your life so that you would never be in a position like this. [thinks] oh but the brain…! you know, i think everything that lead up to this has left him in a position where there's a voice that's just like.. wailing in the brain… like… 'why can't you just say it back… why can't you just say you love them…! why can't you just say it… i want to say it! i want to say it back… i do! i do want to…' [eyes squeezed shut, teeth bared] [shaking head back and forth] [pulling hips away in fear, pushing them back into grip harshly in desperation] … there's times where your own mental barriers are sooo at war with your raw raw brain being activated by sex.. like… it's as if someone has escaped prison and is trying to grab the mic -- QUICK, NOW!! N OW… SAY IT!! say it say it say it say it.. say it. say it!!!!!! say it…. you don't even tell yashiro it, you're soo shitty, PLEASE, SAY IT!! SAY SOMETHING!!! [throat SEALED.] SAY IT [lips twitching, pulling] [swallowing, tongue curling] CMONN JUST.. [sound that dies off in 1 second, rghh SCALDING NOO MURI MURI IF FGHDF I CANT]

it should be fine it will be fine. they'd be so happy to hear it. you're fucking them, why wouldn't you want them to feel good. [bonk. bonk.] but also: [DYING, CRYING, FEEL LIKE BODY IS GOING TO INVERT, TONGUE HURTS, MUSCLES ARE TENSE!! REFUSE]

つ：a part of hanako that is like I HATE IT THE MOST IF I SAY IT IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCE!!! [but it takes a circumstance like this to say it, the way it works]

あ：i dont want to do it like this NOOO its not faaair i dont want to ITS EMBARRASSING HA-ZU-KA-SHIII!! FSDHGJF NOOOO… but also like: I KNOW YOU WONT DO IT LATER!! ASSHOLE

absolutely NO way will you say it in a casual context!!!

つ：that is the problem . you wont even THINK about saying it later, when you're all comfortable when the world is your oysterrrrr

あ：the more he tries… really TRIES to say something.. the more its like.. [choking sounds..] [pulls own hair] … i think it really cannot even get close to the sounds… such a hump, its just like vague buzzing in the throat.

[mouth moving indistinctly]

つ：tsukasa listening attentively to the starts and stops.... can tell he's trying at something... which is interesting.

あ：but i think itd be cuuute if… like he has to pivot and hoarsely say 'help' amane needs. help [shaking tsukasa's shoulders slightly] [head hung]

つ：!!! … [whispering like child] from me, or Nene-chan

あ：who do i give the gun

つ：all good, and terrible options

あ：difficult. oh but you know… despite everything, i do think its like, it is nene who is assaulting me and i think he's kind of feeling an instinctive urge to hide against tsukasa. your little shriveled pea islike my gf is scary… brother help

its funny… when i think about the hindbrain tsukasa wouldnt do this to me😭

つ：kowaii nene-chan!!! ITS TRUE. your gf is scarier

あ：in response to tsukasa's question, amane's hands reach up and grab tsukasa's face weakly wordless

つ：ah! [oh its me!] [actually quietly enough to not be heard by nene, especially over all the rustling….] yes, Amane…?

あ：[simmering slightly… what is this ……….. it feels like we're under a blanket and tsukasa is talking to me in the middle of big kid stuff…] [.. shimmies closer. umm turns out , whispering helps the feeble sealed throat] i w. i want to… >///<;;;. say. stuff. [muttering] but s'harrd.d….

つ：hmmm... how can I help you say it?

あ：[groans...] i dont know.......!! ........ ... i dont know what my problem is.

つ：nene so fucking interested in fact whispering is happening. suddenly feels like damn they are brothers IM the fuckin third wheel omfg

あ：holy shit…! [but like respectfully] thats fair for now. [closes eyes]

つ：it is like. respectfully .

あ：its funny to like pause jerking off. but still hand on cock

つ：you can't let him escape but indeed. ceases pumping. they are. talkingit seems rude.

hmmm. do you want to say something good? or bad? its like lol is he trying to say stop or something nasty or something nice …/?? hmhmm

あ：its good to be wondering lol [hanako looking miserable] good…? [pinches brow, frustrated] no, wait, definitely good. you. you want to hear it. i just. [rhg!] i just want to… i want to be like. [RGH!!!]

つ：oh, something I want to hear….! [sound of a penny falling to the ground] do you want to ask to kiss?

あ：

you've made me so angry

つ：I'M SORRY HANAKO I'M SAYING YES TO THE MOMENT AND THAT IS WHAT TSUKASA WOULD SAY oh shit what i want? ok

あ：[distracted] you want to kiss. (fucking.. where the fuck am i!!!!!!!)

つ：nods it feels good

あ：uhuh. you know that

つ：they're talking so much.....

あ：its getting stupid out here [flatly] I don't want to say anything actually.

つ：fucking fsdklj;gkl;gjgklf;gg THIS IS HOW NARROW THE HOLE IS BUT ITS SO GOOD!!!! so ufunnyy.

あ：Unfortunately. Its gone there's no more urgency

つ：awe…..! okay…… …. nene-chan has paused. …. do you wanna finish

あ：you almost want to be like. No [sighs and slumps on] [just. reaches down and moves nene's hand] commence.

つ：o-oh..!!! c. continues?? tsukasa-kun… is he okay…..

un un…. [whispering to Amane again, much to nene's chagrin] amane asked me what i'd like to hear…. … there's too many of those to help you so, I'll never guess it.

you have to imagine tsukas'as brain trying to procure 'thing i want amane to say' is fucking. like. a cacophony of possibilities. and theyre mostly like. TSUKASA LET'S PLAY, TSUKASA LET'S HAVE A STARING CONTEST LIKE WE USED TO, TSUKASA I WANT TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER,

あ：hm things to make a guy horny honestly… you know amane's own nature keeps him suspended in things longer than necessary, you really put yourself into a state of being edged

so funny though youve kind of made it worse bc this time youre gonna b elike: kiss……… while getting jerked off again

つ：and then the ones Amane would especially not want to hear, the ill stuff like Tsukasaaaa let me do it againnnn, it felt so good [to stab you], Tsukasa you looked so good that day toooo, Tsukasaaaaa can I come on you

the fucking unending list of things Tsukasa Would Like To Hear. Would be a Tome

あ：hanako knows not what he is getting horny about i think its such a brainless reaction like oh you got so much huh

つ：lots.

あ：this is making suki feel like small potatoes

つ：in the grand scheme it is kind of small potatoes which is extremely funny its like, larger potatoes to NENE to overhear

like it would touch her heart. DONT GET ME WRONG TSUKASA WOULD LOVE IT AND BE VERY ENAMOURED TO HEAR IT!!!! amane is losing his mind over a single MINERAL

あ：no yes of course. oh its funny if. like despite the conversation devolving seemingly. that actually tsukasa took the edge off of things and hanakois like hwatever. i can say it in a roundabout way. like not how you think

つ：so effectively. so funny but it should work that way. like wtf

あ：you just made it feel so like [looks] [sighs while getting jerked off again] [leisurely almost] i love you too. there done. OHH everyone fucking clap now

つ：!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

あ：thats right

つ：[overlapping audio] AMANE!!!!

HANAKO-KUN!!!!

あ：[leaks]

つ：[ALL HANDS RUSH FORWARDS TO PET]

あ：(⊙_◎)

つ：AMANEEE AMANE AMANEEEEE AHAHAHHAHAHA I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THAT!! [stomps foot] I WOULD I WOULD I WOULD!!!

[wiping a tear] ah… I did something….. !!! good for them…. this feels like something has been loosened….. I did something nice…. after all…

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!! Amane!!! [NUZZ NUZZ]

あ：[being assaulted, but stress has been diffused enough that he can just cough. loll head, eyes lidded still]

つ：I love you, too…..!

あ：I love you… [muttering.]

つ：[cracks voice bc he is so precious rn, wtf!!]

あ：[reaches and pets nene] [cups her face for a bit]

つ：a more elegant, delicate jerking motion, loving caresses

あ：well here i am… (￣、￣) and. indeed. this feels good. okay i did it. (￣﹃￣) i proved myself i close my eyes and ic ome. because ti is my choice

つ：nene snaking in to kiss him on the cheek comes peacefully

あ：i like to do it. [rests chin on tsukasa's shoulder]

つ：it pleases my compatriots.

nene after this is like. HOOUUUUUUUUhh… OOFs down like ahhh a hardworking girl, exhausted, emotionally…. but this ended so well…. pleased… satisfied…. mmm

あ：imagining hanako having become so placid he looks kind of dead-eyed and vacant

つ：[whispering, but audibly, to Nene. I dont need Amane to not hear this.] Thank you, Nene-chan…! I really liked it! its so fun to be right there!

あ：[loudly] I liked it too. [broken]

つ：turns

turns

あ：fkdghdf looks like fucking.. WHAT!!!!!!!!! "SORRY. should i say that i HATED it."

つ：both nene and tsukasa so like mmmmnn..g…h…. mmm…. mmm ah, they both laugh at him… giggly bubbly girlz

あ：what the fuck…………. [floats out of the room]

つ：continue giggling in a pile, facing each other…. for nene, it's an adrenaline rush finally like ah, petering off… wooo the butterflies, settling…! little tangle of limbs with tsukasa, hands intermingled, knees against one another…..

they will touch foreheads and laugh and have an odd atmosphere of nuzzling for a while. i wish i could make hanako regret leaving like he comes back and they are kissing lol

あ：loool yes oh my god the most like cucked feeling what hte fuck [angry]

つ：calmly kissing. happened organically. we didnt think about it

tsukasa was thinking about kissing and nene-chan was very keen on gazing upon tsukasa directly for once, not avoiding him, as that defeats the point of her new creed, and one thing lead 2 another, didn't think about it too hard

あ：Hanako whenever he forces his way between kou and nene. like slides myself in the middle physically descends on you two like an annoying weiner dog

visually i just love the thought of squirmbling over and descending between them. wergle wergle. chuffs.

つ：nene feels a bit shy about it like flkjsklf ah what HAS come over me omg… c. crazy day. feels slightly corrected (but a little amused….)…. tsukasa just feels LOL HAHA [cuddles j00 then. puts leg and arm around]

あ：[grabs her pussy] these actions happening simultaneously

つ：one motion nuzzle . doesnt notice you went for nene's pussy. just thinks we're snuggling all of us. ready for a naparoo

あ：[just wordlessly i continue to rub her pussy] its a crazy day indeed

つ：nene kinda feeling like a . oh i could get fingered… i was such a good girl for hanako-kun i did a good thing and I feel good about it, being fingered would be nice

あ：the receptiveness would make hanako feel like "sigh. i also would like to finger" but a funny atmosphere of doing this with tsukasa like. wrapped around. but like… allows it.

つ：some mutually comforting fingering for us. with tsukasa just latched affectionately, causing no problems. its like what nene did was increase possibility for things like… this. hanako technically in between them.

あ：you've greased the wheels… fingering nene… getting nuzzled… its good though…. mmm its almost like its… its easy enough to quietly use other hand to just pet tsukasa. rub…

つ：feeling the most, mmm my... dogs.... sigh. peaceful vibes. nene clinging and tugging, her girlish self. a kind of... nostalgic feel to how 'basic' this lil session is. nice for hanako

あ：can just get lost in the sauce of fingering. and we just enjoy that and do not engage in mental chess

siiiigh i want hanako's own stubbornness to kind of loop around into… like wanting to prove a point in how not big a deal this stuff is for me, look. but instead just entrapping himself in circumstances where he cannot escape the raw responses.. like. Look how cool and progressive i am (kisses Tsukasa on the head) or smtn. i lean over and peck on cheek. but then you are forced to live in the moment of both Nene and Tsukasa becoming [stare]

and also not being like brave still lakshfhd like youre so far from makeouts…

つ：i changed so much. i altered hanako's dna

whoa. o3o ….. tucks… against amane's back….

あ：humbling to be chuu'd

つ：one little step atta time!

i like that hanako will probably just like, decompress from THIS day… but spend remaining days just like. thinking about freaking… Nene… Tsukasa…. these freaks

she wants me to idk DO SOMETHING with him, he wants to, kiss me, nene would probably love to WATCH that…. i didn't ask for this this was not brought on be me, i wuld never instigate this .. BUT NEITHER WUOLD TSUKASA

あ：Why would Nene want me to look at Tsukasa while she jerks me off. wakaranai Didn't she just say that she would be too insecure if she was off to the sides. when justin is like. bitches be crazy

つ：bitches! be crazy!

あ：tsukasa definitely wouldn't do that like. i mean he hasn't.

つ：he is not that rogue.

あ：Even if……… like………….. on some technical level………….. Tsukasa would enjoy kissing me…. [don't like to think it.] …………… I mean, we literally lived and died together. And that's not what happened.

[self aware moment] I mean. Tsukasa… wouldn't. Force himself onto me. [mouth pressed into a line] I can clip him for just hugging me too much. [but you hate the self awareness] it's kind of my fault for not rejecting the situation harder earlier. bUT I WOULD BE MORE SANE IF YASHIRO HADN'T GOTTEN ALL COCK CRAZY

つ：its hard for a guy to think while he's being jerked off! i can't make decisions like that! i can't slice the pie!!!

あ：fucking.. what guy can say no to hottest girl he knows jerking him off!! of course it feels good wtf so it's her fault i guess

[literally stewing for hours] …. and tsukasa even TOLD yashiro that he is fine with things, and, HE IS, he's liable to stick his hands somewhere he shouldn't for a second but-- He's just not thinking, it's like when he'd make a grab for food too fast before mom set it down

つ：he's just childish like that it's YASHIRO who wants to.. take things to some, new level. For some reason….! Pervert… a perversion of my relationship

あ： Insatiable… Not satisfied with things as they are… for some reason It's not enough to be sitting on Tsukasa like some luxurious throne while I fuck her

つ：its not enough to be so spoiled, i have to be harassed…

do enjoy thinking about Hanako toasting himself internally while starting out/trying to drag nene mentally for being the weird one here. you just get to the point its inevitably like. depraved… horny,gf. bizarre, freakish girl, wants it to get so weird in here, ew, wants to swap spit with me and my little brother like a whore

[just laying like this for a long time] [notices he has a boner] N

あ：Hanako is making the air quantifiably more humid

つ：i love a guy alone in his bathroom at night with too much spare time to think. alone with boner

あ：Honestly I think about this so much. I mean it's actually kind of what my reoccurring bit is with Hanako, where -- in , shaming you for being horny about this, he goes on to describe things graphically and gets horny in teh act of doing it

I do think whenever it's like: Stupid slut.. what… you want me to fuck his face he's really stoking himself at the thought

つ：stroking himself

あ：I think also the format of bullying makes him get cruder and harsher than he would normally... but htis just makes him. horny!!!!!!!!!!

つ：not being eloquent guy no more

あ：While trying to be upsetting. its like whaaaaat... you wanna jus twatch... finger yourself.. while he jerks me off [losing vision]

つ：its his own fault. But it's a noxious cloud effect where it dissintegrates nene too much for her to be the one to call him out, and turns tsukasa into the one like [looks]

あ：You know when a character is just broke. and they walk themselves back into, like, having fantasies

Your brain like ran a maze incidentally. desperate for pleasure It just expands Hanako's brain to think in this format. you can suddenly see so many positions

つ：its one situation though where nobody can do basically anything... it will just be hanako rambling like a madman, horny, tsukasa getting hot wind into his brain like mnrgm? (has NEVER congealed this imagery in his LIFE)

nene recieving this like it'sa scolding, but its also things she could have NEVER congealed as imagery, either!!!

あ：the [chuckles im in danger kid] fused with [why would you draw that] meme

つ：dealing with the immediacy of the imagery hanako is creating images for everyone involved to be slack jawed at

[kamreadsandrecs]

By Jessica Roy

It’s 90 degrees outside, and you’re too hot and exhausted from a long day of work to cobble together a proper meal. Luckily you’re home by yourself — no kids, no roommates, no partners — and therefore can eat whatever you want for dinner, without having to consider the food preferences or nutrition needs of others. You grab a bag of popcorn, a glass of wine, some bread, some cheese and a hunk of chocolate, and settle into the couch for a night of snacking and watching TV. Is there anything more glorious? Welcome to “girl dinner.”

According to TikTok, where the trend has more than 30 million views, girl dinner is akin to an aesthetically pleasing Lunchable: an artfully arranged pile of snacks that, when consumed in high enough volume, constitutes a meal. Or so the thinking goes.

Typical girl dinners may include some kind of fruit, a block of cheddar, sliced salami, a sleeve of fancy crackers and a dish of olives. Girl dinner is “both chaotic and filling,” as one TikTok commenter put it, requiring none of the forethought, cooking or plating demanded by an actual meal. As another commenter observed: It’s “no preparation just vibes.”

The trend started when Olivia Maher, a showrunner’s assistant currently out of work because of the writers’ strike, posted a video on TikTok this spring extolling the virtues of a humble, medieval-peasant-inspired assemblage that she called “girl dinner.”

“I think the concept of girl dinner came to me while I was on a hot girl walk with another female friend of mine,” Ms. Maher, 28, saidfrom her apartment in Los Angeles.

She said she and her friend had been discussing the unmatched perfection of bread and cheese as a meal unto itself, as simple as it is satisfying. “We love eating that way, and it feels like such a girl dinner because we do it when our boyfriends aren’t around and we don’t have to have what’s a ‘typical dinner’ — essentially, with a protein and a veggie and a starch,” Ms. Maher said.

She decided to debut the phrase on TikTok. “This is my dinner,” Ms. Maher says in the video, flipping her phone camera to display her spread: hunks of butter and cheese, part of a baguette, some grapes and pickles, and a glass of red wine. “I call this girl dinner.” Since she posted it in May, the 15-second clip has been watched more than a million times.

Alana Laverty, a 28-year-old food content creator in London who immediately embraced the phrase, said she started making what she called “snack plates” for dinner during summers when it was too hot to even consider turning on a stove.

“I feel like cooking full meals just gets so repetitive and exhausting, especially in the summer,” Ms. Laverty said. “When dinner came around, we would just pick up one main cheese or one main protein and get a fresh loaf of bread and throw it all on the plate. It’s a really normal way of eating for me now.”

Ms. Laverty started posting her beautifully arranged snack plates on TikTok last year. When the girl dinner trend began to take off, she recalled, “I was like, ‘I have never resonated with something more.’”

“There was this feeling of, ‘Oh my God, I’m not the only one,’” Ms. Laverty said. “I love anything that celebrates something women are all doing, but we don’t all know that we’re doing it.”

Some have pointed out that the grazing isn’t enough satisfy their own appetites and, in some cases, could be masking disordered eating.

“‘Girl dinner’ more like girl please go to the doctor you have an ED,” one user wrote on TikTok.

But adherents are quick to note that girl dinners are not about deprivation. Women have long been programmed to see food as the enemy, but the girl dinner trend is about embracing the simple joy of snacks as meals. Girl dinner represents a conscious choice to opt out of the tyranny of cooking and doing the dishes. It’s also, conveniently, the answer to fridge clean out day.

And though the trend may sound suspiciously like tapas, or mezze, or a charcuterie board, girl dinner differs in one key way: Unlike a Super Bowl-esque spread of appetizers, girl dinner is most frequently made by one person, for the consumption and enjoyment of one person.

“I remember trying to be a meal prepper and I just couldn’t do it,” Ms. Laverty said. “You could go through the effort of it, but why not open up a bunch of jars and satisfy your taste senses the same way?”

Seema Rao, an art historian in Cleveland, sees a historical connection between girl dinner and entrenched gender norms that dictate women prepare a hearty meal for their husbands every evening.

“The idea of cooking dinner was historically women’s work in the home,” said Ms. Rao, 49. “What I like about girl dinner is it takes away the idea that you have to cook anything: You just literally put it together. So you go from a position where the production of the food is what makes it good and makes you a valid woman, to the idea that having food is what makes you a valid woman.”

At least one nutritionist has given her seal of approval to the trend. Kathrine Kofoed, 27, a nutritionist and health coach in Portland, Ore., suggested that part of the reason girl dinner was being so widely embraced was its affirmation of the way women already eat: “It’s a pleasant departure from diet culture, and from all these rigid expectations of what food should be.”

“I see so many more issues for people with overeating and restricting and then perhaps bingeing, or just having this very complicated and often disordered relationship with food,” Ms. Kofoed said, pointing to the benefits of finding “more joy and pleasure in the meals we’re eating.”

Perhaps the most important thing about girl dinner is that you don’t have to be a girl to enjoy it.

“My friends and I were joking that it’s girl dinner, but anyone can have it,” Ms. Maher said. “But it’s for the girls, gays and theys.”

You may be wondering what, by contrast, “boy dinner” may look like. “Go to your local supermarket at 6:30 p.m. and stand behind a single man and see what’s inside of his basket,” the comedian Brian Lee observed on TikTok. “Frozen pizza, deli meats, potato chips, no vegetables.”

For Ms. Maher, it’s less about the content of the meal than the feeling around it. “The girl dinner is a giddy experience,” she said. “You could be having the slice of frozen pizza, but you’ve also got maybe a glass of wine and some grapes to go with it. And you’re just so pleased with yourself. You’re like, ‘I barely worked for this and it feels like an indulgence.’ That’s what makes it girl dinner.”



[kammartinez]

By Jessica Roy

It’s 90 degrees outside, and you’re too hot and exhausted from a long day of work to cobble together a proper meal. Luckily you’re home by yourself — no kids, no roommates, no partners — and therefore can eat whatever you want for dinner, without having to consider the food preferences or nutrition needs of others. You grab a bag of popcorn, a glass of wine, some bread, some cheese and a hunk of chocolate, and settle into the couch for a night of snacking and watching TV. Is there anything more glorious? Welcome to “girl dinner.”

According to TikTok, where the trend has more than 30 million views, girl dinner is akin to an aesthetically pleasing Lunchable: an artfully arranged pile of snacks that, when consumed in high enough volume, constitutes a meal. Or so the thinking goes.

Typical girl dinners may include some kind of fruit, a block of cheddar, sliced salami, a sleeve of fancy crackers and a dish of olives. Girl dinner is “both chaotic and filling,” as one TikTok commenter put it, requiring none of the forethought, cooking or plating demanded by an actual meal. As another commenter observed: It’s “no preparation just vibes.”

The trend started when Olivia Maher, a showrunner’s assistant currently out of work because of the writers’ strike, posted a video on TikTok this spring extolling the virtues of a humble, medieval-peasant-inspired assemblage that she called “girl dinner.”

“I think the concept of girl dinner came to me while I was on a hot girl walk with another female friend of mine,” Ms. Maher, 28, saidfrom her apartment in Los Angeles.

She said she and her friend had been discussing the unmatched perfection of bread and cheese as a meal unto itself, as simple as it is satisfying. “We love eating that way, and it feels like such a girl dinner because we do it when our boyfriends aren’t around and we don’t have to have what’s a ‘typical dinner’ — essentially, with a protein and a veggie and a starch,” Ms. Maher said.

She decided to debut the phrase on TikTok. “This is my dinner,” Ms. Maher says in the video, flipping her phone camera to display her spread: hunks of butter and cheese, part of a baguette, some grapes and pickles, and a glass of red wine. “I call this girl dinner.” Since she posted it in May, the 15-second clip has been watched more than a million times.

Alana Laverty, a 28-year-old food content creator in London who immediately embraced the phrase, said she started making what she called “snack plates” for dinner during summers when it was too hot to even consider turning on a stove.

“I feel like cooking full meals just gets so repetitive and exhausting, especially in the summer,” Ms. Laverty said. “When dinner came around, we would just pick up one main cheese or one main protein and get a fresh loaf of bread and throw it all on the plate. It’s a really normal way of eating for me now.”

Ms. Laverty started posting her beautifully arranged snack plates on TikTok last year. When the girl dinner trend began to take off, she recalled, “I was like, ‘I have never resonated with something more.’”

“There was this feeling of, ‘Oh my God, I’m not the only one,’” Ms. Laverty said. “I love anything that celebrates something women are all doing, but we don’t all know that we’re doing it.”

Some have pointed out that the grazing isn’t enough satisfy their own appetites and, in some cases, could be masking disordered eating.

“‘Girl dinner’ more like girl please go to the doctor you have an ED,” one user wrote on TikTok.

But adherents are quick to note that girl dinners are not about deprivation. Women have long been programmed to see food as the enemy, but the girl dinner trend is about embracing the simple joy of snacks as meals. Girl dinner represents a conscious choice to opt out of the tyranny of cooking and doing the dishes. It’s also, conveniently, the answer to fridge clean out day.

And though the trend may sound suspiciously like tapas, or mezze, or a charcuterie board, girl dinner differs in one key way: Unlike a Super Bowl-esque spread of appetizers, girl dinner is most frequently made by one person, for the consumption and enjoyment of one person.

“I remember trying to be a meal prepper and I just couldn’t do it,” Ms. Laverty said. “You could go through the effort of it, but why not open up a bunch of jars and satisfy your taste senses the same way?”

Seema Rao, an art historian in Cleveland, sees a historical connection between girl dinner and entrenched gender norms that dictate women prepare a hearty meal for their husbands every evening.

“The idea of cooking dinner was historically women’s work in the home,” said Ms. Rao, 49. “What I like about girl dinner is it takes away the idea that you have to cook anything: You just literally put it together. So you go from a position where the production of the food is what makes it good and makes you a valid woman, to the idea that having food is what makes you a valid woman.”

At least one nutritionist has given her seal of approval to the trend. Kathrine Kofoed, 27, a nutritionist and health coach in Portland, Ore., suggested that part of the reason girl dinner was being so widely embraced was its affirmation of the way women already eat: “It’s a pleasant departure from diet culture, and from all these rigid expectations of what food should be.”

“I see so many more issues for people with overeating and restricting and then perhaps bingeing, or just having this very complicated and often disordered relationship with food,” Ms. Kofoed said, pointing to the benefits of finding “more joy and pleasure in the meals we’re eating.”

Perhaps the most important thing about girl dinner is that you don’t have to be a girl to enjoy it.

“My friends and I were joking that it’s girl dinner, but anyone can have it,” Ms. Maher said. “But it’s for the girls, gays and theys.”

You may be wondering what, by contrast, “boy dinner” may look like. “Go to your local supermarket at 6:30 p.m. and stand behind a single man and see what’s inside of his basket,” the comedian Brian Lee observed on TikTok. “Frozen pizza, deli meats, potato chips, no vegetables.”

For Ms. Maher, it’s less about the content of the meal than the feeling around it. “The girl dinner is a giddy experience,” she said. “You could be having the slice of frozen pizza, but you’ve also got maybe a glass of wine and some grapes to go with it. And you’re just so pleased with yourself. You’re like, ‘I barely worked for this and it feels like an indulgence.’ That’s what makes it girl dinner.”