#but. this is still a breeze compared to the amigo heartbreak

[findmeinthefallair]

I've been able to handle the post-surgery physiotherapy sessions without social anxiety or crying, in the open gym area where it looks like I'm the youngest client there as a 30-year-old among stroke patients and those with the more geriatric kind of issues. Got another session in an hour.

But it just sank in after the March 9th surgery (surgery no. 2 out of 2) that I can't wear my fave dresses anymore, which have the usual kind of shoulder straps. I declined a wedding invitation where I know I would very likely break down among hundreds of people. Some hours ago I walked past my swimsuit, hanging at the side of the bathroom door, which is in my line of vision everyday except I didn't actually notice it and tbh forgot it was there till just now. And I'm gonna miss it, and miss the cool dresses that made me feel good at birthday outings and such. The swimsuit has my fave colours, but it has firm straps. The skin is too thin above the collarbone of my affected shoulder since I no longer have even and natural muscle padding in that area at all due to the failed and necrotic graft. So...firm straps are a no-no.