#but. it’s 3am so if i write more than 1 sentence about a topic i start rambling like a madman

[knightobreath]

the iii style mepad design sucks so i tried my best to fix it while remaining in-style 👍 first time doing an edit like this. it was kinda fun might try something like it again

edit: because not a lot of people have seen this design i guess, original is on the right

[touchmycoat]

I LOVE YOUR PORN AU!!!!! LIKE SO MUCH - and i'm just. if you don't mind me asking, how - the way you flesh out the characters, their motivations, and feelings in every scene in such an eloquent way, and just little things here and there, a habit or an activity that adds dimension to who they are, and - your prose is wonderful. you achieve this addictive, engrossing narrative space that readers just absolutely melt into, and i have to ask - how did you develop your writing style? 1/2

what books did you read that formatively shaped the way you write? or you know, what did you do to improve your writing? i'm so in awe of how you world-built and established the porn au - like lqg & hc being national taolu champions?? how do you come up with that stuff? i cannot comprehend the amount of research and effort that must've gone into porn au, and i'm just so deeply thankful that you decided to share that with us. i apologize if i'm coming on too strong, but wow. thank you 2/2

--

oh my god please don't apologize, when i saw your ask i rolled on the floor giggling hysterically for a solid 15 min, bless your heart

part of the answer to your question—i've taken like, 8 years' worth of creative writing classes/workshops! there was also a transnational literary component to my degree so whenever possible, i took literature classes fksjdfksd so whatever you see and like is definitely the result of a lot of work. My writing from not even 10 years ago but like, 5? horrid, ridiculous, wild, cringe. The Porn AU itself is the second draft of a MUCH more lackluster piece.

about my writing style. gosh, you really know how to make a writer blush. "I like your writing style" is literally an instant kill LMFAO okay okay, the useful answer: my primary criteria for choosing what to write is, don't be obvious, be interesting. Fiction tells us to show, not tell, right? Poetry is about concretizing the abstract. Screenwriting says cut all useless lines. A lot of writing rules and advice—never start with the weather, avoid detailed descriptions of the characters, don't use adverbs, etc.—are all really about this exact sentiment.

I once took a seminar on writing for horror movies. The golden rule of the horror genre is Never Show the Monster, because whatever the audience is imagining is always going to be scarier than what you actually show them. There are obviously exceptions to this (to all writing rules), but in my mind, it's all the same principle.

LONG answer under the cut

So you start with building a scene. I approach it like essay-writing—I state my thesis for the motivations/main propulsion of the plot. "In this scene, LQG and SY are motivated to save Cang Qiong's porn production, so they have sex on camera." Then you build the sub-motivations: "LQG is also doing this because he's pining after SY."

I learned this "thesis-writing" from theater, specifically from writing 10-min plays. Theater is all about characters being driven by their wants and needs, and the reason I say 10-min plays in particular is because longer forms of writing will give you more leeway, but in 10-min, you pretty much need your character motivations established from their very first line. That's why you need that very clear thesis for yourself—if you don't even know what the character wants from the get-go, then you can't establish who they are, what they want, and where they're going to go in a dynamic and interesting way.

So this thesis drives EVERYTHING that happens in your scene, just like an actual thesis for an essay, just like topic sentences for your paragraphs. Once I do this, I have the emotional direction & narrative scope of how much this scene will cover, I have a sense of where it begins and ends. "Begin with the dynamics of their sex. LQG starts showing signs of his feelings. Reveal LQG backstory for exactly what those feelings are and why he isn't telling SY. The rest of the scene implies that LQG's feelings may not be so unrequited, but also sets up the fundamental problem at the heart of the whole fic—SY's inability to comprehend his own feelings." This is kind of my new thesis now. They're having sex; LQG pines; SY doesn't know he himself is pining.

Now it's time to manifest. This is the "storytelling" part, and the hardest lmfao.

Personally, my approach is largely shaped by my very cool screenwriting teacher, who hammered into us: don't fucking waste lines. The Golden Rule of screenwriting is that every line should reveal something new. I found my old writing kind of repetitive, especially on the emotional front, so this is kind of my editing mantra now—is this line either propelling the story or revealing character? If it's revealing character, is it a revelation that has to happen right now, or is it slowing the momentum of the scene?

But these aren't rhetorical questions! "Momentum" doesn't just mean tumble forward as fast as you can, it also means taking the time to draw the bowstring back further, so your next move has even more propulsion. That's why you get the little "LQG has been in love with SY..." cut scene in the middle of the fucking (at least, that's my reasoning for putting it there). Every line has to bring a fresh revelation that "proves" your thesis further.

That brings me to the details. You said you like the details I inject into the world-building, and honestly that's so gratifying to hear, because that means I'm successfully manifesting my intentions, y'know? "Every line has to bring new info" kind of sounds like a tall order, but the most effective way I've seen it done in books and onstage/onscreen is with these hyper-specific details. If you're writing a scene in which someone feels dirty, never have them just say that—have them say they want to take a shower. Show them running out of bleach again as they scrub down the stall after they wash. Begin the scene like "Steve always washes his throat first now." Then pack the scene with even more revelatory details: "Soap in hand, he heard the pipes above his head groan for a half note on adagio, and readied himself for the blast of icy water that always followed." Shitty shower, probably not rich, is likely a classical musician.

By the same token, I want to build LQG's character. The "Liu Qingge has been in love with Shen Yuan" section is the first insight we get into his background and perspective, right, so: I need to establish LQG's emotional context for filming this scene -> I can characterize him as a nut for martial arts in the same stroke -> so this takes place at a gym, beating up sandbags is a classic way of showing manly emotional distress -> so give me more details on this gym -> Puqi Gym, XL the martial god is obviously the owner -> how do I have XL & LQG a relationship beyond gym owner & client? They spar together -> I want XL & HC's position in this AU to mirror their god/ghost king statuses in TGCF canon -> how can I concretize their fighting prowesses in real-world details? -> they're martial arts champions -> what's an actual competitive martial art form that involves weaponry? -> wushu -> wikipedia Wushu, find taolu weapons sparring

(I just realized that in my songxiao daycare AU, Hualian are Olympic gold medalists by the same narrative logic laksjdnflaksjdnflsd)

So, that's the flow of logic behind my world-building lmao. It's all in the details. Leverage is one of my all-time favorite TV shows and the way they build their stories is super inspiring. If their thesis is "the rich and powerful take what they want, we steal it back for you," they manifest it in the most specific and concrete narratives: mine workers who like the work but are fighting for workplace safety vs. the money-grubbing mine owner who will blow up their livelihoods if it means a bigger payday; the little girl from Iraq with refugee status forced to be an accomplice to antique smuggling vs. international smuggler with a fetish for British royalty.

Last pieces of writing advice I've gotten: pay attention to the real world. A writing exercise we did was just sit in a public spot and make concrete observations on our surroundings. There are stories in everything!!! I learned to observe things like weird holes in the concrete (earthquake? drilling accident? bullet mark?), odd patches of moss or bird shit (look overheard: it's an AC unit dripping water for the former and nesting swallows for the latter), ladies in flipflops walking alongside ladies in high heels (excited mother walking her antsy daughter to the bus for the daughter's first job interview—the daughter's shirt collar is unfashionable and she's taking the bus, so there's a good chance the shoes were passed down, maybe from an office lady aunt. Maybe she's even overdressed for the interview, so will her outfit be an unintended source of tension once she gets to the interview? Is it a group interview, to make the comparison more stark?).

Also, write what you know. You know why SY is a video editor in porn AU? Because I'm a video editor. One of my more popular MDZS fics is set in a plant shop 'cause I worked in a plant shop. SL was First AD in Bachelor!AU 'cause I was First AD on a set once. Concrete details like the editing software having a split-screen, always answering questions about how often to water plants, and being up until 3AM editing call-sheets are the ones that will fully immerse your readers.

And if you can't do the actual things, just watch someone who is, listen to them talk, pick up lingo, and fake it. I watched like a 15-min vox video on fencing for the fencing!AU and a 45-min music theory video on the hospital pianist!AU (also I started learning piano sklfjnlsdjlfkjsd). Of course, I just finished reading a wangxian fic that had me going, "holy fucking shit, the author is literally getting their masters in a music program" so my 45-min youtube video ain't shit, but if you just need a little bit of character establishment, then it's enough to do the trick.

Anyways, tl;dr. Find the details, find the tension. Never tell outright what the tension is supposed to be, manifest it instead. Make the manifestation as interesting as possible, and if it's meant to be funny, make it funnier.

Sorry this turned into a fucking lecture lskjnflskdjnflskd but last thing, someone asked me before if I had formative authors, and this was the list I wrote at the time:

Angels in America (play) by Tony Kushner

The God of Small Things (novel) by Arundhati Roy

The Penelopiad (novel) by Margaret Atwood

“Litany in Which Certain Things are Crossed Out” (poem) by Richard Siken

Night Sky with Exit Wounds (poetry) by Ocean Vuong

Giovanni’s Room (novel) by James Baldwin (and then Go Tell it on the Mountain and then his essays)

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

And, ooh, now that I have this list I think I can even roughly sort it as such: Kushner, Atwood, Siken, and Salinger I really latched onto for their dialogue and very present narrator voice—same is true for Go Tell it on the Mountain. Roy, Vuong, and Giovanni’s Room, I think, are texts more representative of the kind of saturated figurative language I like, and emulate. Of course they all do imagery and voice and overall structure amazingly, but that’s the rough dividing line I’d draw.

But yeah James Baldwin is my fucking hero.

[unholyeverything]

3 a.m. - Part 1/4

Hello, this is based on a conversation I had with @lord-diavolo. So don't you solely blame little me. Also don't ask how we got there, we didn't understand ourselves. She was also one of my main inspirations to start writing, I just love her stories! So thank you! In general I've been so eager to try and inspired by all the fics I've read coming from this fandom. I wanted to contribute to the best of my abilities.

This won't be what you expected. Or it will be exactly what you expected. I don't know what you are into, honestly. But this is what I'm into and what I want to create. I shall have no shame anymore and trandescent into becoming a higher being.

Also the last time I wrote something was in gradeschool, so this might sound horrible. And I have no coherent thought of thinking so the timeline won't make sense. Please bear with me. Be here for the content, not the grammar, vocabs or a good sentence structure. Because I'm capable of writing 10 line long sentences. Good luck trying to figure that out. See it as a brain exercise.

But all in all, I had to say I had fun writing this! And that’s my main goal with anything I do. It made me laugh at first so hopefully you will get a laugh out of it too. Reading through it 200 times destroyed that for me. This is also brought to you by a caffein high. Me on coffee. The me writing this also was 4 cups in. Watch me rip out trees with my bare hands today. YOLO. Am I right.

________________________________________________________________

Pairing: DiavoloxLucifer Explicit: no, but mental images you will never forget Warning: none can save me from the brain damage I aquired during the creation of this, I went in there with -2. There are at least 5 more gone now. But sharing is caring am i right? Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: Let’s start the slow progression towards Lucifer’s ultimate death.

During the day he was the Demon Lord, feared and respected by everyone and everything, but after 3am he turned into the biggest human fanboy known to demonkind. Or not known, let's be honest. This was the peak of his day, the time where he could truly go hunt down his newest online purchase. The latest addition to his human-things-collection. One of the base layers  for all of Lucifer's frustration, because he was the first and mostly the only one being called in excitement after the order was made, expected to show up within minutes to listen to all the reasons as to why said item is the greatest invention of all time for multiple hours.

However, that wasn't the worst outcome, this was it being a good day. The worst this would come down to was Lucifer being pulled in and being expected to participate or joining him to try out his newest find.

Just thinking about him will summon the devil, right?! It proved to be the case today as well. His office was dark, only faintly being lit by a candle placed on his desk, silence surrounding him. Still going through stacks of paperwork needed for the student councils meeting tomorrow, tiredness slowly starting to overcome him, Lucifer found his mind wandering off to think about what Diavolo would be up to right now. Even though it was already long past midnight, tomorrow's meeting was important, so he must still be up, also working through mountains of paper trying to figure out all the topics needed to be discussed. At least that's what he hoped was going on when he heard his phone go off, the ringtone indicating it was him. Just a question regarding the meeting or to simply see if his right hand man was also starting to be done with preparations.

"Lucifer! I need you to come to my office immediately!" It sounded like an emergency, so just in the second it took Diavolo to speak out his words, Lucifer was already up on his feet, picking his coat off his chair to wrap it around his shoulders and leave through his doors. "I have just found the greatest piece of human ingenuity online and it was already delivered, you have to come look at it! I know it's 3 am but I beg you!" There it was, the thing he hoped would not happen. Not today, with such an important meeting awaiting them, actually, never again. Adding to the mess was Akuzons policy of just delivering within seconds upon seeing their Leaders address on an order. They wouldn't dare let him wait. The employee processing the orders would start screaming and everyone on the night shift would start running, trying to find the item their Lord wished for, running out right away to deliver it. Oh much Lucifer wished they would let him wait. At least for the next day, for his own sake. They really should start considering other people's feelings as well.

It seems like Lord Diavolo was browsing all sorts of websites again, spending his precious time, that could be used to prepare Devildom matters,  to look for human garbage that excited him more than having Lucifer present himself to him in the finest Lingerie. Well maybe that could at least give off a similar effect, let's not forget to give him some credit, though it still couldn't fully compare.

Anyway,  he had already left the house, might as well just get this whole ordeal over with. There was no way he could excuse himself either. It was his Lord giving orders, he had to go. Go off to another night listening to how great the human inventions were. Even if what Diavolo considered as 'a great piece of human ingenuity' ended up being the most ridiculous item of clothing Lucifer had to ever lay his eyes upon. Considering that was what happened the last time he was summoned to his castle at these unholy hours. These atrocities were apparently called  'onesie'. Furthermore they unfortunately seemed to come in the shape of all the different animals known to mankind. This not only led to Diavolo proudly picking one supposedly resembling a human dog-breed referred to as a "Welsh Corgi Pembroke". These dogs being the preferred breed of a human queen must only mean that they are fit for any of royal status. It also led to him picking out one resembling Lucifer's symbolic animal, the Peacock. Though one could debate if that 'thing' even closely resembled a proud peacock, it was just utterly ridiculous with these giant black eyes and this horrendous colour scheme of blue and green. Thinking about it, this is nothing to debate over. It was ridiculous. Making this past experience worse, was that,  on the following weekend, Lord Diavolo invited him and all of his brothers to his castle for a human tradition: a sleepover party. The nice and considerate person that he is, he also thought about everything and picked out a onesie for all of them. Expecting everyone to wear these to bed from now on or at least during the duration of the event. What would he otherwise do? Check on them. More likely than what you would want to admit, at least in Lucifer's case.

Shaking his head Lucifer trying to erase this traumatizing experience from his memories. At least this train of thought has kept him busy on his way to the Demon Lord's castle where he was let in by Barbatos, already expecting him. Standing in front of Diavolo's bedchamber he took a deep breath in to mentally prepare himself for the worst. Just about as he was to knock on the wooden doors they were nearly slammed into his face by the unstoppable force on the other side of them.

Barely being able to avoid having his nose broken, he was greeted with the biggest of smiles and a sparkling set of eyes. Was that an apology? "Lucifer! You are finally here! I've been waiting!" "My Lord it only took me five minutes to get to you." "Five minutes to long, my dear! You could have stayed overnight like I offered yesterday." "Yes of course. I apologize." Lucifer answered with a sigh. He was too tired to argument over something that superfluous. Judging Diavolo's expression while entering the room he knew he was in for a long night without any sleep.

  The meeting the next day was even more exhausting than usual, it also seem to drag on for eternity, the brothers never being able to find a consensus. At least that's what it felt to Lucifer, who truly did not get a minute of sleep the night prior. What was there so long to talk about human underwear designs. Oh yes, they depicted just the most amazing selection of fruits ranging from blue ones with little watermelons printed on them, over to the most stunning pair: pink one with green pears on it. Oh there was so much to discuss about the human depiction of fruits in general. Weren't they just the most stunning little icons, so bright and colourful. Diavolo didn't seem to be tired at all, he was still too excited about his newest purchase. Proudly deciding to wear them right away. Luckily, for Lucifer, he decided it was enough that he had seen them in all their glory and his Lord decided to put on pants before leaving the house.

Finally, the meeting was over. Lucifer decided to try go home as fast as possible to take a short nap before new orders could get to him. Still the first ones to leave where Mammon and Satan, saying they had things to do and hurrying to get out. The next to leave was Beelzebub, who got hungry, helpfully he decided to pick up the sleeping Belphegor and take him with him. Only leaving Leviathan, Asmodeus, Lucifer and Lord Diavolo back in the meeting room. Diavolo tried picking up the conversation from last night again. Though one look at Lucifer's face told him that the latter was not up for this again and he should really head home to get some well deserved rest. He was starting to get concerned with how dark his undereyes were starting to look.

"Lucifer, you  should really head home, shouldn't you?" he asked with a worrying undertone in his voice. "It was a long night yesterday, wasn't it?" Amodeus couldn't prevent a smirk from appearing on his face, which was immediately answered by a glare from Lucifer, making his little brother face away again. Just appreciating the concern for once, too tired to come up with a answer or to get angry even, Lucifer got up and started to collect his papers. "Well then if you allow My Lord, I'll excuse myself…" "Of course, Lucifer, I'll just wrap up and clean the room with Leviathan and Asmodeus over there."   There was a barely audible sigh and some complains coming from their direction that got louder after Lucifer has left the room.

"Now, don't complain you two!" Diavolo said with a smile. "Help your big brother a little, he had a rough night." There was nothing, better none, to keep Asmodeus curiosity in check now.

"Ohhhh ~ my Lord please tell me all the details ~" the strawberry blonde purred. "Oh I just found the most amazing pairs of underwear from the human world, I just had to present them to him!" the redhead replied proudly. "Oh what type of underwear are we talking about? Some red lace? Or black? Or did they come up with even more revealing items than nudity? I would not put it past them!" His mind wandered in a direction that it really shouldn't, all different types of lingerie induced situations popping up. "Oh they were the most wonderful things, they had little oranges and bananas and watermelons and all types of fruits on them!" Oh well, there was one thing keeping the Demon of Lust in check. And it was an oblivious Demon Lord, not picking up on the situation as well as the intent of the talk and instead daydreaming about boxer briefs with fruits on them. Of course, cute things are the priority. What to reply to that now.

"Oh, that sounds quiet wonderful! The humans and their unique fashion choices. Did you do a little fashion show for him?" Faking interest, a good choice for Asmodeus. This might just do the trick to at least lead this sad conversation in another direction. "Of course I did!" their Lord laughed out. "We had a great time picking out the most wonderful one!" Well, this wasn't a good choice after all. Was this something a couple should do that late at night? Selecting the greatest pair of fruity underwear? Surely this can't be it. There were better things on could do.

Finally putting an end to this was a loud sigh from Leviathan. "What is wrong, you seem to be quiet upset about something? Is there something I could do to help you?" Diavolo asked with genuine concern. "Oh. It's my parcel I ordered from Akuzon, it still hasn't arrived. I ordered three days ago, and I paid extra for next day delivery! And now I waited for THREE days. THREE. Still no word from them! I didn't even get an email saying it was shipped. It is a figurine from one of my favourite animes! A limited edition even. Only a couple of them were produced. They are really special. One of a kind! Maybe I should order another one if they still got them?" Starting his D.D.D. and furiously tapping on it. "I see they have two more in stock……." There Levi went off again, rambling about his shows. Weirdly he seemed to disclose the title this time. What would it be about? None shall find out, or should they? "Oh? What do you mean by that? Don't they deliver to everyone within a few seconds? When I order I get my little packets only minutes later, at most? It is a truly amazing delivery service! Though if they cause trouble for you should I go contact them?" Diavolo didn't quite understand his problems but tried offering help anyways.

  Hearing these words just about did it for Leviathan. His envy kicked in full force and without a single thought to whom he was in the room with. What was with this unfair treatment. He was a Prime Shipping member, promised next day delivery. He paid extra for this. He was one of Akuzons' best customers. He spend fortunes on there. WHY WOULDN'T HE GET HIS ITEMS WITHIN MINUTES.  He felt his demon form flare up. Even in the presence of his Lord. Asmodeus saw this as his chance of running away, a welcomed distraction. Truly not wanting to spend one more minute thinking about what went down between Lucifer and Lord Diavolo last night. The potential image of Diavolo walking down a carefully made runway in nothing but boxers with fruits on them and Lucifer watching that was too much, even for him. The thought will haunt him for centuries, that he was sure of.

"I won't stand for this." Horns already coming out of his head he faced Diavolo. "Leviathan, this is a little unnecessary, isn't it?" He got serious, straightening his back, standing there with his arms crossed. "I already offered to talk to them, we can find an easy solution for this." He would definitely not let him run loose and destroy their meeting hall. Leviathan's mind still screaming to fight, his body, luckily for him, knew better than to attack his Leader. Instead he furiously made his way towards the exit, continuously mumbling how unfair all of this was, what he did to deserve treatment like this. He would just hole himself up in his room again, trying to distract himself by ordering more figurines, because even if he can't get them the fastest, he would be the one owning the most.

Diavolo looked after him, now alone inside the room. What did he do wrong? He didn't quite understand what happened right now, but something must really have angered the third oldest. He would go ask Lucifer about it after cleaning up. They were separated for too long now, after all. A good excuse to go see him again.

[afangirlwashere]

Risk pt.4 (Peter Parker x superhero!reader)

(gif is not mine all credit goes to the creator)

Summary: History class is surely boring but what if (Y/N)’s life turns upside down while sitting in one? What can Peter do about it?

A/N: I thought this was going to be a four-part fic but SEEMS LIKE I WAS WRONG!! This was supposed to be the last part but I was in the middle of it and it was so long and then I added something and if I really wanted to stick with the four-part thing it could have gone to like 8k or more?? The next part is probably gonna be a bit longer I think?? I have a little bit written for the fifth part BUT this week is unbelievably busy in school and the next one is gonna be even crazier so I’m just praying to survive. Of course, I was in the mood to write everything when I had to study so... that’s why the quick updates. Most of both the fics I released recently were already half written quite a long time ago maybe you can tell by the way I write? IDK... I’ll stop rambling now. All likes, reblogs and mainly feedback is very appreciated! 

Warnings: Infinity War spoilers! do we still warn for those? I guess I’ll do it anyway

MASTERLIST

REQUEST LIST 

part 1  part 2  part 3

(while reading this part of the story I recommend you to listen to this song)

“Mr. Stark?” the doors to the lab opened and closed as the young superhero slipped inside.

Tony was buried deep inside his luxurious armchair that was almost two times his size clutching a glass of bourbon.  His gaze was set on the projector which had the words “fin” written on it. He started studying the liquid in his glass not bothering to even look at the girl.

“I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I should’ve been more careful... I know you’re responsible for me and it wasn’t fair from me to throw myself in front of Thanos.” (Y/N) fondled with her sleeve and stepped a little closer “Thank you for giving me another chance Mr. Stark... I appreciate it.”

Tony stayed silent for a bit longer. 

“Peter Parker.” the name rolled off his tongue perfectly as if he has said it a million times before “Sixteen years old... student of the Midtown school of science and technology. Otherwise known as Spider-Man.” 

(Y/N) stopped next to a little coffee table to get a better glance at Tony. 

His face had no emotion whatsoever when he took the little remote control, pushed a button on it and the video played somewhere in the middle. 

There was a boy on the screen now “This is the best thing that could have ever happened to me!” he shouted excitedly “Mr. Stark is amazing! He’s the best!” his face was covered by some kind of a mask but (Y/N) was sure he had the brightest smile on his face. 

Tony stopped the video abruptly. 

“He disintegrated to dust in my arms when Thanos decided to get rid of half of the civilization. Just like that.” he snaps his fingers and takes a big chug of the alcohol. 

(Y/N) swallows loudly. She couldn’t think of anything better to say then “I’m sorry...” and she truly was. 

This Spider-Man, Peter or whatever he called himself seemed like a nice guy. It was a shame he met that fate. 

He was just a kid. 

Just a kid...

Watching Tony torture himself over what happened was heartbreaking even for someone who didn’t know him that well. 

Maybe even more than for the others.

The Tony Stark (Y/N) knew from the media was so Extra, a joke here a joke there, partying, full of sarcastic remarks even in the worst situations he could keep that spark. 

He didn’t have it now. 

(Y/N) never saw Tony Stark like this.  Not on TV, not in the news... 

“Do you know why I’m showing you this?” the man looked over at the younging, his beard and hair a lot grayer with all the worries “Why I’m telling you this?” 

“Because you don’t want to lose any more people to Thanos...” (Y/N) almost whispered. 

“You’re damn right (Y/N)! Especially not another kid! That’s why I’m so mad!” Tony almost smashed the glass on the table “You’re off the mission... You can help around but when it comes to Thanos you keep down and leave that to the adults.” 

Her eyes widened “But-”

“No buts! Those are my last words! Come talk to me when you find a way to undo all this mess...” he slowly walked out of the lab not knowing how close to the home he hit.

Tony had no idea (Y/N) was working on a possible way to maybe get everybody back. What he said was just supposed to be another act of mocking from him but he just made the young superhero think about a lot bigger danger.

The chances she could survive bringing just one person back were so little that she always refused to even consider the option. But now it was settled. If she wants to get Tony back on her side... If she wants to get back to the real action...

The first person she has to bring back is Peter Parker. 

(while reading this part of the story I recommend you listen to this song)

Sitting in history class is the next level of boring.

(Y/N) is so ahead that the teacher just ignores her when she stares blankly at the chalkboard and doesn’t work on her worksheet because she knew the not so new kid anymore already finished it. 

Yesterday night was tough.  (Y/N) has no idea how Peter does this almost every day. She started going with him on a lot of missions or just small patrols but they had a big action last night until 3AM which made today even less enjoyable than it already could be. 

Not only is she alone in history class... she has two history classes and this was just the first one.

The only person that is familiar here is unfortunately Flash.  He’s been secretly scrolling through his phone probably looking for answers. He frowns on the screen seeming very confused.

“Alright class the bell is going to ring in a minute let’s go through the first question quickly and we’ll finish the rest in the next period.” Miss. Miller claps her hands. 

In that same moment, the door to the classroom opens wide and all the concentration is lost.

(Y/N) forgets how to breathe for a minute when her eyes land on Happy. 

It seems like he’s out of breath trying very hard for them to not notice. His cheeks are bright pink and he has a gun case very visible right at his belt. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt but I need (Y/N) (Y/S). Right now.” he shows a little pocket with some badge.

“Pardon me,” Miss. Miller walks closer to him “Who are you?” 

“Harold Hogan, head security in the Stark Industries madam. I have orders and I’m here to fulfill them. The kid is going with me right now, (Y/N) pack your bag.” Happy looks past Miss. Miller.

“What is going on Happy?!” (Y/N)’s heart beats faster than ever.

“I’ll explain it on the way we have to go. Now!” his hard expression doesn’t help (Y/N)’s catastrophic spiral of thoughts at all.

“Wait you know this man?” Miss. Miller asks confused. 

“Yes. It’s okay I’ll be fine Miss.” (Y/N) nods and throws the bag over her shoulder running out of her class.

The kids around her start getting very curious so she quickly closes the door to the classroom walking right behind Happy.

Miss Miller is still looking after them not sure if she should allow her student to leave. 

“What’s going on Happy you’re scaring me.” this also roughly translates to Is Peter alright? Please don’t tell me something happened to him. Please tell me he’s fine. 

“Pictures got leaked. Your identity is out (Y/N). Everybody knows because you and Spider-Boy weren’t careful enough.” Happy keeps a calm tone even though it seems a little rough but he doesn’t want any teachers coming out of their classrooms to see who’s making such a fuss. 

“What? How? When? What?” (Y/N) stops in her tracks fairly confused.

Happy stops and takes one loud breath “Last night. They saw you taking off your mask late at night when you were crawling in through the window. God! I told Tony to not only install those movement sensors at the doors but windows too!” Happy rants off the topic for a second “They know where you live (Y/N). They know your full name, where you go to school, how old are you, that you’re under Tony’s wing, they know everything!” he whisper-shouts. 

(Y/N)’s blood turns cold “Only me? They don’t know anything about Peter right?” 

“No. Nothing. They know you’re linked to him but they don’t know he’s Spider-Man. They also know you’re linked to Spider-Man but they don’t know he’s Peter Parker.”

Thank god.

“The article got posted fifteen minutes ago. We got here first but I can promise you if we don’t hurry up people from all the newspapers are going to be here any minute.” Happy starts walking again. 

“We?” (Y/N) scrunches her nose.

Happy nods “Tony is outside in a limousine.” 

“Oh... That’s a good way to not bring attention right?” (Y/N) bitterly laughs “And what did you mean by the door sensors?”

The bell rings and the halls get filled in a second. 

All the eyes are glued to the two.

Happy glances around “Oh great... Let’s go girly we need to leave before anyone checks their phone.” 

The moment he finishes his sentence (Y/N) sees Ned walking out of math class. 

They make eye contact and (Y/N) prays he knows what her look means. Thankfully, Ned is smart enough to recognize the situation and he starts heading the way she wants him to. 

MJ is the next one to walk out of the class looking bored as ever.  When her eyes land on Happy and (Y/N) she bears the same confusion Miss. Miller did. She grips her books and shoots a curious look to (Y/N). 

And a cherry on the top is when Flash runs around the corner shouting “She’s one of them! She has powers! She’s a superhero! She knows Spider-Man! Just check the news!” he keeps on getting closer and closer to them. 

Happy’s eyes do a master eye-roll “Oh my god that’s exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Let’s go (Y/N)!” 

(Y/N) watches Michelle look over someone's shoulder and read something off their phone.  Her eyes glance back to (Y/N), filled with betrayal. This is the most emotion she ever saw on her friends face. 

No. It’s not like that MJ. I trust you but I couldn’t... I just couldn’t... 

Before her mouth speaks her legs are already making their way to her but she starts to walk away fast. 

Flash finally stops in front of (Y/N) and grabs her hand.  He says something but she can’t hear him because her ears fill with white noise. Her stomach feels as if a metal hand was squeezing it. 

Flash sees something glisten in the young superheroes eyes and at first, he thinks it’s tears.  She’s about to cry. 

But no. 

His hand feels a little too warm out of a sudden and when he looks at it his fingertips are lit up like little knots in a candle.  He screams and lets go of (Y/N) but she takes him by the collar. 

“I told you to never touch me again!” filled with fear, helplessness, and anger she lets out a tiny bit of the mix of these raw emotions and Flash flies 10 meters away from her.

All the trash from the garbage bins flies through the hall along with him and a few hit Michelle’s back and she turns just soon enough to move out of the way to let Flash hit the ground next to her.

MJ stares at both of them startled.

Ned is still there. He couldn’t get past all the people crowded in the hallway so he stared at (Y/N) with his mouth wide open.

The hall is almost silent. 

(Y/N) is drowning in herself and the only thing that brings her back to reality is Happy’s tight grasp at the strap of her backpack.

“That was enough let’s go! We need to go! Now!!” Happy pulls her harder. 

(Y/N) keeps staring at Michelle and Flash, stumbles a few feet and then starts walking fast to the exit of the school. 

She tries to not look at any of the faces in the hallway.  Some kids are screaming, some are crawling closer to her with their phones in hand some of them are running away in fear. 

They finally walk out of school just to get in more mess.

Ned trips over a few students before he gets to Peter’s locker which is on the other side of the school. 

Peter looks like he’s almost half asleep meanwhile rummaging through his locker “What’s up Ned?” he asks without even looking up at him.

“(Y/N)!” Ned screams in the middle of heavy breaths.

“Yeah what about her?” Peter’s lips curl into a soft sleepy smile at the mention of his girl.

“(Y/N)! Some guy from-the Stark industries I think- They are taking her- I don’t know what’s happening- I think I’m going to faint...” Ned starts coughing. 

“Taking her? Who’s taking her?! Mr. Stark? Why? Where is she?!” Peter closes his locker his pupils dilating making his eyes look almost black. 

“Outside.” in a blink of an eye Peter is gone sprinting with all his superhero might to get to the school's exit as fast as possible “Goddamnit Peter...” Ned runs after him. 

Stepping outside felt like a red carpet event.  Without the actual red carpet. And the royal treatment. 

Actually, it felt more like a Justin Timberlake concert. Or Bieber. Or Shawn Mendes. Actually, any big star these days.

Happy tried to give as much space as possible so (Y/N) could walk to the obviously expensive limousine with black windows. 

All the press-people were screaming questions, putting microphones or dictaphones her way and made her almost blind by all of the flashes while taking pictures. 

(Y/N) quickly opened the door and almost jumped into the limousine. 

“Thank you, principal Morita I apologize for causing this inconvenience. I’m very grateful for your time and don’t worry about my sponsorship of your school it still stays.” Tony sat in his seat as comfortable as he could be.

He had yellow glasses on, a suit and boots he could probably pay a few rents with.

After ending the phone call with the principal he looked at (Y/N). She was expecting to see anger and annoyance. Instead, he seemed... Tired and... And something else. Something she was afraid to see in his eyes from the moment she met him.

“I’m not angry at you (Y/N).” 

Oh please don’t say it.

“I’m... disappointed.” 

(Y/N) heard the engine start when Tony started explaining how many things in her life are about to change forever. 

Peter wasn’t sure how he survived until the end of the school day. 

When he ran out of school the only thing he saw was a limousine that was speeding down the road followed by ten news vans. 

It was definitely Mr. Stark. 

He didn’t find out about the whole thing for a while.  Then MJ came over to their table at lunch.

“Did you know?” she gripped at her tray. 

“Know what?” Ned’s voice was unnaturally high.

“Did you know (Y/N) has superpowers? That she’s ´one of the Avengers´?”

“She’s not.” Peter almost barks at her while his foot taps relentlessly. 

Her face changes into something the boys never saw before “So you knew? She told you but not me? She trusted you two idiots but not me?!” 

Peter wanted to hit himself in the head so hard... 

“No, wait! MJ!” he calls after her but she just screams a really bad swear word and leaves.

“It’s out Pete.” Ned slowly pushes his phone with the news opened to him.

Peter clutches Ned’s phone in his hands and reads a few articles. 

“SUPERHERO WITHOUT THE MASK! WHO’S FAULT IS THIS?!” 

And guess who...

Peter put the phone slowly down and buried his face in his hands.

She’s going to hate me. She hates me. I ruined her life... It’s all my fault. If it wasn’t for me and my stupid, STUPID late night missions! I should have never let her go with me! It should have been MY identity. I should be the one who has to go through this NOT HER! 

“Peter I’m sure this will get sorted. It’s going to be in the news for a few days but it’ll pass.” Ned tries to calm him down the best way he can because he’s not dumb.

He sees very well that Peter’s brain is taking the worst possible scenario in his head and making it a reality. 

“I need to talk to her. I need to apologize. She probably won’t want to see me but I have to tell her something.... something.” Peter searches in his bag and quickly throws it on his back. 

“What are you doing?” Ned’s voice breaks.

Peter doesn’t answer and just leaves the table. 

Tag list: @adventurousbooknerd @yafriendlyfangirl @royalestrellas @daringbanshee

[theclacks]

In which I break with tradition and post some personal shit...

So, no secret but I started marathoning Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel) for the first time back in March. I just hit its 6th season and the infamous musical episode this past week. And I’ve already lost count of the number of times I’ve replayed the song below -- Going Through the Motions:

Because holy shit, do I mentally sync with it.

My life right now is good. And I have nothing to complain about. But it’s just ‘blah’. And it’s not exactly depressing ‘blah’ because I do have a plan. I have a dream, which is to publish my books. And I’ve been working at that. I mean, REALLY working at that, writing every single day and all.

And I’m better off than I’ve been years ago. Better off than I was when I was in college. That is, I got almost no writing done when I was in college. I spent my years making gifs and macros and participating in landcomms, which was fun, and I started getting a reputation, BNFs reposted my stuff, etc. But if people had asked me what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be known for and what expressed who I was the most... that answer would’ve been fanfic, and at that point I’d only written a handful of drabbles and two-chapter WIPs. I had so many ideas bursting from my head that I never had the time and patience to outwardly express. And THAT used to make me sad.

Of course, that’s changing now. I’ve finished one 90k fanfic, and I’m on the way to finishing another 150k-ish one this summer, and that’s not including my 130k original fic I’ve written that I’m editing down into 110k-120k before I send it off to agents...

...but a part of me feels like I’ve traded my internet socialness for that progress. Like I get home, and instead of comments and participating in my old communities, I write. (And honestly, a huge part of that is the demise of LJ and the rise of tumblr and its non-community aspects, but then there IS the fact I drifted away from fandomsecrets nearly two years ago and I still feel guilty for that but a large reason was because I felt we’d been starting to talk about the same topics over and over and over again and I’d already made the friends who I was friends with mainly through stream and I thought stream would be enough but even that died and honestly I just miss you all. There’s this kind of ~blah~ hole sometimes in my Saturday nights where our bad/good/cult movie watching used to be.)

But anyway. So much of my life is on hold right now, but it’s not on HOLD hold, because really it’s like a domino of interconnected things, with the starting domino being this condo that I’m buying because I’m AN adult and I’ve managed to save a ridiculous amount of money being one of the penniest-pinching fucks there is. But yeah, since I can only handle one major thing at a time, my “thing” for the past couple months has been this condo and I’m just so tired of it being THE “thing” in my life and I just want to sign papers and move in and magically be in the next chapter of my life but part of me feels like I can’t even complain about that because I’m so privileged at my age to be in the buying process in the first place.

But it’s like... even when I move, I know I won’t magically be the “next stage.” I’ll still be going to my well-paying, soul-draining job every single day. And for normal people, the good advice would be “okay, well turn your attentions to finding a new job then” but I don’t know if another job in my same field would be any better because the problem is I don’t want to work in my field. At least not full time. My progress with my writing IS my way out. And temporarily switching any other non-writing career would leave me with more hours (to not write) and a lot less pay. And it’s really hard to fake enthusiasm for coding in interviews and interviewers inevitably ask for github portfolios and projects you’ve done on your own time which I don’t have because all that time goes into writing. Like 1-2 hours every single day. Writing.

And I don’t regret that, because I know I AM getting closer to my goals. I’m getting these ideas out of my head. But it’s lonely. And so many weeks it feels like I’m not going fast enough, even though I don’t know how I’d ever go faster. 

I’ve put dating on hold again because every single time I’m out on a date, I think about the 3+ hours I’m wasting that could’ve been spent writing. Plus I’m the kind of person who knows within the first 20 minutes whether there’s a “spark” or not, which actually makes first dates super exhausting because I know within the first 1/4 beer glass whether I’m game or not (and 90% of the time, it’s not) but it’s super hard to just stop someone in mid-sentence and be like “look, sorry. i don’t think this is going to work out. it’s me, not you, so let me stop you and let us both go home before we waste more of our evening”... which is what I know I should do, but... yeah.

I just want to get a new crush and all the great agony that comes with it. It’s been over a year since my last one. Even if I get chewed up and spit out like I have in the past, it’s better than the emotional blahness I have right now.

I want my first book done already. I want it sent to agents. I want to be published. I want to be enthusiastic about the thing that I’m doing for money. (Did I mention I hate career talk? So many people love career talk and I’m just over in the corner, responding to questions like, “It’s a job. That I do for money. And the hours are good. And I don’t hate it. Next topic please.”)

I want to connect to friends again. Both internet and real life friends. I have the occasional “hey, let’s catch a movie” or “hey, let’s meet up at con”, but I miss the hanging out until 3am, chatting about whatever, and general chilling. And I don’t know if part of losing that is growing older and the expectation that you do those things with a romantic partner instead of friend group, but I miss it. I miss it so much.

So yeah. Until then, this has been my extremely personal life-update.

This is me. Going through the motions.

[erinnightwalker]

All aesthetic asks that you haven't answered? :D

O.O Good lord XD

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? In the car coming home from work today

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? What people really think of me

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? My writing. It seems to help people, which is all I can ask for.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise? This incredible person materialized out of the vast blue sea and offered to catch hummingbirds with me.

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Yeah. Bucket list protocol from when I had cancer would kick in and I would nail all I could.

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? 1) visit Ireland and the Isle of Mann extensively. At least a month on each. 2) get massively stoned on weed. I’ve never tried it, and I kinda wonder what the hype is about, y’know? Bonus points if I can do it with a certain band. 3) Get at least 2 of my sexual fantasies fulfilled. If I’m going to die, I again wanna know how it feels, instead of acute frustration XD

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. Already answered!

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? I didn’t know enough to know it was bad. I hid in books, mostly. And who doesn’t exit childhood with moderate to severe emotional crippling, I mean really.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? Technically? Last night, but they didn’t know. When the audience knew? Couple months back, when I ripped the last little shred of hope out of my heart and gave it to them.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. Honestly? either you or @thistlebackedwulver . I feel like you two would enjoy it, and not get bored 10 minutes in and play on your phone instead.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? I could have the conversation, but I don’t open up unless I feel comfortable with the person.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? Months ago, and a good friend online.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? “I will always love you”, and to my beloved. Which is cheating because there’s more than one, but idgaff

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? Beautiful. Not as flashy as some, true, but once you look deep you’ll be lost.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. Also already done!~

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? Dear God Why Did You Waste The Ink On This Freakshow; and other stories.

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? Buy a large house and huge parcel of land; must have forest and water features, preferably with private beach. Retrofit house into castle. Outfit at least one housetruck. Set up space for all of my beloved to have a happy home base, should they chose. Set up green house. Set up garden. Library. Barn with assortment of animals. FUND ALL THE CROWDSOURCING CAMPAIGNS. Buy an edition of Viridarium Umbris, dammit. Buy various obscure and expensive books. ART SUPPLIIIIIIIIES. Build a cave. Build a standing stone circle. And travel. And invest in a decent money management agent so maybe I grow that remnant of a billion at the end into a self-sustaining monetary biome.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? I can be. Sometimes its a good thing. Sometimes I’d rather gag on that maggot-infested cheese they make in the Mediterranean.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. Spend time with grandma, you'll lose her oneday. Stop crushing on him, he'll break your heart without ever seeing you'rethere. Keep up with the academics, you're good at them and it will pay off.Silver Ravenwolf is not the greatest author, try a different one. Maybe spend alittle time with more art stuff other than the dragon people and the fairies?Writing's good, keep on keepin' on. Remember that you have power- the futurefootball team cowers, those older than you are not stronger. When you hit highschool fuck running, go for the conditioning class. And careful of the legpressmachine, it'll try to break your knees.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? punk, I hope. Not very pastel here.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. They’re fine. I would actually like to get them, but I fear and abhor needles.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? No, but I’d like to. My jobs are too physical to permit much.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls. First time I felt represented positively in a song. (My ass and hips are a weapon of destruction. I have knocked more things off, over, and around than I can remember....)

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. Also already answered.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. I have never been to any, and that makes me sad.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say? Not telling, because I don’t need to cry again.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? I have one at one of my jobs, and it’s unorganized to the casual observer. I find my shit quite well though.

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? Get home. Tumblr. Read a little, if I can. Strip and go to bed. If I can’t sleep, Final Fantasy Brave Exvius on the phone til I conk out.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? My actual orientation. I’d get disowned.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? Something obnoxiously bright. Cut my hair to about 3 inches long again all over and have bright-ass Shirley Temple curls, because I fucking could.

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? @thistlebackedwulver @tomdinky @thegodthief @rootandrock and my friend Luci. Start at the Winchester Mystery House, because that’s just beautiful and fun and spoopy, and then wander to a couple other fun places. Probably hit Frisco too, there’s a lovely spot near Seal Beach that is wonderful.

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. Again answered ^_^

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. I’m rather fond of the goth cat girl I ran one year. Hot Topic chain pants, purple cheetah print silk dress, ears and tail, and fancy makeup.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? Never really been either. Closest I came was mildly tipsy on screwdrivers, and I didn’t really do anything.

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? Murder of the innocent.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? Person. If I like them, yay! If I don’t like them, I can ignore them with music.

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love. Yes. Like you’re warm and soft and happy, and falling but you don’t care because they are there and they’re falling with you and catching you and its wonderful. Until they drop you.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? I kept my head shaved during chemo. Bald I look like Uncle Fester. I can live with about a inch or so, though I have the urge to punch the folk that make disparaging remarks. The longer it gets the more curly until you get about 5 or 6 inches and the Shirley Temple Curls pull long under their own weight. If I trim it right I get sausage roll curls, and then I have to try really hard not to bite the strangers that twoinge them in passing.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? Did this one too.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? The hope of eventual freedom.