#but… please don’t send five songs in a row or something it gets overwhelming for me y’know

[gomensbrainrotsyndrome]

you keep me crawling by aurora,,,,, please tell me im not just projecting

I need three to five business days to recover from this song

[danielxricciardo]

for the song prompt list #38 with max please 🥺

Summary: One sided love with Max Verstappen

Warnings: angst, swearing

Word count: 2.7k

38. “You wouldn’t know love if it crushed your fucking chest.”

One-sided love is like waiting for something that is never going to happen. It is like looking into those eyes that will never look back into yours. It is like having someone in your heart but not in your arms. It is suffocating. It starts eating you from inside.

It starts from the moment you meet them. The eye contact that chills your spine, the butterflies somersaulting in your stomach, just the mere thought of them sends goosebumps all over your skin. Your eyes wander and you can't concentrate whenever they're around; despite feeling a little embarrassed for approaching them, you do so anyway and exchange numbers in the hope that at least a friendship will develop. I mean, they're cool, you're cool, you should hang out or something. Or whatever.

It becomes harder to remain nonchalant. Your moderate interest in this person turns into the non-stop checking of your phone to see if they've contacted you... absolute elation when they do, and utter, utter despair when they don't. But you keep telling yourself that it's cool, you don't even know them that well, and they probably don't even want to know you (otherwise they would be making an effort by now, right?).

They text you something vague and impersonal every once in a while, and this is enough to send your heart soaring into the sky. You respond straight away, and they don't. And as this continues, your self-esteem begins to drop, and you question everything.

Why aren't they contacting me? I expect they're just busy. Or is it me? Are three texts in a row too much? I don't wanna seem stalkerish... but I don't want to look like I don't care about them. Am I too fat? Would they prefer me if I lost weight, or had a car, or my own place? Probably. Why am I thinking about them? They'd never think about me like this.

It hurts, from the pit of your stomach to the backs of your eyes. You can't concentrate on anything. You forego activities with friends and family, to keep yourself available for this person just in case they want to meet up with you. You feel sick every day, your appetite drops, your enthusiasm for everything decreases, and you are left with the most bitter, raging emptiness you've ever felt in your whole life. And it's all your fault.

Despite the pain it causes you, you carry on quietly pursuing this person. You silently scream to yourself 'THEY'RE OUT OF MY LEAGUE! THEY WILL NEVER EVER WANT TO BE WITH ME! DON'T THINK ABOUT THEM!' but it's so overwhelming to hear yourself saying it that you try and ignore the voice of reason inside your head. Because right now, your heart is taking control, and there's nothing you can do about it.

You wish they were a part of you, that they could give you a chance, to let you be the best partner that you could possibly be. You wish you could hold them, and talk to them, and kiss them, and sleep beside them, and protect them... but you can't.

The reason you put yourself through all this pain, is a simple fact that you love this person so, so much. And even though the rational side of you is telling you to give up, a small, pathetic part of you says 'They might care about you one day...'

It hurts. Hurts real bad.

True Love doesn’t hurt. Expectations, possessiveness, insecurity, jealousy, and emotions do.

Memories don't hurt. Love doesn't hurt. It is the attachment that hurts. It is the expectation that hurts. It is the imagined future that is now broken that hurts.

Unrequited love hurts the most. You will love someone no matter what they have done to you and that someone may not love you back no matter what you do. That hurts. Those expectations hurt.

To love is always selfless and that feeling is always unconditional. Love is always unconditional. It may sting seeing him with someone else, but you will be happy for him for their happiness is more important to you when you truly love them.

When we lose someone that we love so truly and they walk out of your life for some reason, it hurts. This doesn't mean memories will haunt us. It is the collapsed future that hurts us. Living in the past with the ones we love brings us tears, not because that is lost, but because there was something that could have been forever, but it isn't now. That hurts. That stings and we tend to associate it with good memories. Sometimes we love people more than the memories they gave us. We fall for the person, not just for the memories. We love, we live life to create beautiful memories for us and the loved ones around us.

Expectations hurt in proportion to the emotional investment. Whenever we are too much attached to someone or something, we grow attachment and that attachment leads to expectations. These expectations when fulfilled are an awesome experience. But when we are too much emotionally invested and when those dreams aren't coming true, it stings and hurts and kills from within.

Getting over it is by forgiving and moving on with life accepting that you will never get over that true love. Forgiveness is your trait. It solely depends on you and not on the other person. You want to forgive them because you want peace of mind and don't want to hold grudges against anyone in your life.

Feelings and emotions are real. If you truly love a person, you will love them forever, even though they can't see you that way. That's why love is always unconditional. You love that person because you want to, not because you have that hope that someday he will love you back. If you just hope for being loved back, that's not love, to begin with, it is just some business deal. You love him because your feelings for him are real, deep, and true.

You met Max a long time ago. You were both in Formula 3 in 2014 and got along really well. You started to see each other outside of racing and after a while, you could call yourself friends. But you had feelings for him. Even before you get to know each other properly. You tried so hard to show him that you were interested in him, but nothing. Either he was oblivious or he was not interested in you. Either way, you were hurt, and that was seen in the way you competed. You lost your ambition, there were some days when you cried before the race because you didn't feel able to compete, and Max had no idea you were feeling that way because you wouldn't let him see you when you were at your lowest point.

You gave up racing and Max ended up competing in Formula 1. You weren't jealous of him, you knew you never had a chance to get there, but he deserved it, and all the hard work he put in helped him. You were with him, you encouraged him every time, on the phone, if you could not travel, or in person when he asked you to be with him.

'I need my best friend, Y/N, please. Can you come to the race on the weekend?'

And no matter how much it hurt you to hear that he considered you just his best friend, you wouldn't let your tears fall on your cheeks and tell him you'd be there for the weekend. Every time. It doesn't matter that you had something else planned, you never refused him.

"Oh my God, thank you so much for coming!" you heard Max. You look up and see your best friend coming towards you, ready to hug you. You instantly smiled. No matter how you would feel when you see him you can't help but smile.

"Of course I came. I wouldn't be anywhere else," you say and you are taken by surprise by the sincerity with which you uttered those words.

He takes you to meet some people and you were happy because he seemed well, he seemed delighted with his place there.

"Do you miss it?" you heard Daniel asking you, but you had no idea what he was talking about. "The racing," he continued as if he had read your thoughts and knew you had no idea what he was talking about.

"Oh," you shrug nonchalantly. "I mean, yeah, sometimes, but it's fine."

"Is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Clearly your mind is somewhere else. I thought it was because you were here and that brought back some racing memories, but it's different, isn't it?"

"Okay, Daniel, I appreciate the free therapy session, but I'm fine, seriously. I'm just happy to be here to encourage Max."

"Talking about me? Man, I'm feeling like a superstar," your best friend says coming between you. "I don't know about you guys but I want to get drunk."

"Are you even allowed to get drunk? It's Wednesday, don't you have press conferences tomorrow?"

"I'm in!" Daniel says and you roll your eyes. Of course he is.

Getting drunk with two boys you swear have ADHD was not a good idea.

Technically speaking, you weren't drunk, you drank a bottle of beer all night so you could take care of the two boys. Drunk Daniel was ok. He was not very agitated, he was even calmer than usual. He was sitting on the couch, laughing louder than usual, but it wasn't a cause of concern for you. Max on the other hand was a different story. Being drunk, he seemed very attracted to the balcony and that stressed you a lot. You tried to explain to him that it is dangerous on the balcony and that it is much more fun inside. You hardly convinced him.

"You're not funny at all, Y/N!"

"I'd rather know you're alive, Max."

Daniel went to bed at about 11:30 PM, but Max showed no signs of being tired. No matter how much you told him about tomorrow's busy schedule, he didn't seem to care.

You were lying on the couch, staring at the TV, and Max was on the floor, quietly for once. You wanted to ask him if he was feeling well, but he spoke before you could say something.

"Do you believe in love?"

Those five words knocked the air out of your lungs. Love? What made him ask you about love?

"Yes, I do," you answer and hope that he'll be satisfied with what you said.

"What is love anyway?"

"That depends, Max. Love is different for everybody."

"Well," he said and turns to look at you. "What is love for you?"

You sighed. What was love for you? Max. But you can't say that.

"Love is a broad term, Max. It can have different meanings for different people and can vary according to the context. At times love is synonymous with respect. At others, it is all about caring and sharing. At still others, it is a trail of concern, affection, and connection."

You didn't know you started to cry until Max kindly wiped off the tears on your face. Who would have thought that talking about love in front of the person you loved the most in this world would have made you cry? You whisper a 'thank you' to Max and get up to take a napkin from the kitchen.

"We're best friends, right?" you hear him coming towards you and he sits down on the kitchen chair.

"Sure," you answer, wiping away your tears.

"What you described. About love... I think I feel that for someone."

You heard something break and you were sure it was your heart. What you felt in that moment was what? Jealousy? This is human behavior. We, people, have the tendency to imagine ourselves with the person on whom we develop our crush. And this is totally normal, everyone does that.

Initially, it's all roses and unicorns. We start to imagine how our life would be with the other person, how we would treat them, what gifts we would give them, how we will take their pain away and how we will happily live after.

But life doesn’t work how we want it to work, does it? Then comes the second phase where we start to realize the differences between you and your crush, but still we hold on to it because in our minds that person is just too perfect to be wrong.

And then comes the thirds phase where we see our crush getting into a relationship with someone else. We even think that our crush doesn’t deserve that person, my crush deserves me! I’m better than that person. But that’s how it works, things fall apart. They break. That’s life. And at that moment, it broke your heart and you knew you want to know nothing about that other person. But you were hurt. He was drunk, yes, but you still had a crush on him, even if your feelings for him couldn't be reciprocal.

"That's... That's great, Max," you bit your lip to stop your tears from falling. "Let's go to bed."

"I think I always loved this girl but I never told her. Maybe I should," he giggles and you feel your blood boiling in your veins.

“You wouldn’t know love if it crushed your fucking chest,” you yell at him and you were sure Daniel was now wide awake. Max was watching you with wide eyes. "Stop talking about things you have no idea about," you shoot a glance at the clock. 12:25 AM. Looks like a lovely time to go for a walk in a foreign country you've never been to before. You collect your phone and wallet and march to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I need fresh air. Go to bed."

"I'm coming with you, Y/N!"

You opened the door and left, not letting Max come after you. You started to run and in front of the hotel, you stopped. Where to now? You have no idea where you are or what is near the hotel, and you desperately needed to put some distance between you and Max.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Running like that? Are you crazy?" you hear a pissed Max behind you. You tried to wipe the tears in a desperate attempt to look like you haven't been bawling your eyes out. "What happened inside?"

"Nothing, Max."

"Let's talk about it. Please."

"Talk about it? Fine. Let's do it! What should I start with? The fact that I've had a crush on you for three years or should I give you some love advice for the girl you like?"

"Say that one more time," Max said, walking towards you.

"Say what one more time?"

"You liked me for the past three years?" he was now in front of you, feeling his hot breaths on your face, and you could smell the alcohol.

"That is not relevant."

"Why not? I should know if someone has feelings for me, no? At least that's what I deserve, I think."

"Stop being so fucking cocky, Verstappen. This is not a joke," you puffed. "Forget I said a damn thing," you started to walk back into the hotel.

"Well, if I have to forget what you said that means I'm not allowed to tell you that I've liked you too for the past three years, right?"

You stoped. He said what? You were dreaming. Maybe you were the one that drank a lot. You were drunk, that's the reason why you just heard Max confessing his feelings for you. Or maybe you were both drunk.

"Max, let's go to bed. You've had a lot to drink, maybe we'll talk in the morning if you remember anything."

He came to you and hugged you from behind.

"I know what I said. Sure, I've had a few beers to drink, but I know that what I'm telling you now it's the truth."

[emilialuciasantos]

Is This a Date? (Part 1) || Emilia x Lola

Where: Santa Monica, CA

When: February 25, 2021

Featuring: Lola Siciliani (dialogue provided by Frenchie @lola-siciliani), Blaine Valentine, Ace Wong

Triggers: Mention of hospitalization, mental health (anxiety, body image issues), mention of abortion, mention of bullying

Emilia pulled up to Lola's apartment and texted her that she was outside. She needed to see Lola after the day she had in the ICU. As she waited, she answered a few OnlyFans DMs. People really wanted her attention tonight. She had no idea why though. It was only Thursday. She usually only posted new content on the weekends. The last message she had to send was to Lollypop12, a kind mutual who she had been chatting with a lot. Lollypop12 reminded her of Lola so much, but of course she wouldn't ask Lola if she had an account. The last thing Emilia wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. Before she could finish writing the message, she spotted Lola walking up to the car.

Lola was immersed into her book when she received a text message. For a moment, she had quickly glanced, thinking it was AJ, but when it buzzed again, her eyes lit up seeing that it was Emilia. She went to double check to see if she received any word from lucylovexox, but she was probably busy...there was something that seemed familiar about her, but she was just glad that she had made a friend. Slamming her book shut, she ran to her mirror to make sure her hair wasn't too out of place and scurried out the door to meet up with Emilia. She might've nearly tripped down the stairs on her way out, but luckily, it didn't appear like Emilia noticed as she waved at her approaching the car. "Hey!"

Emilia unlocked the door for her, asking, "Hey! How's your day going?" She had a rough day, but seeing Lola made her day almost instantly better. "I just gotta answer this text real quick, then we can go get dinner." The text was actually the OnlyFans DM she was writing, but she wasn't going to admit that out loud. Word spread fast in their city, and her career would be ruined before it even began. She typed out "Goddamn, you are killing it! 🥵🥵🥵" and hit send before shoving her phone into her jacket pocket.

Lola hopped into the car and grinned, "Besides nearly falling asleep in chemistry class, it's going pretty damn great, what about you?" She asked curiously. Just like that, Lola's energy practically zapped her back to life and she wasn't feeling so sluggish anymore. "Oh, no worries, take your time," Lola pointed out with a smile as she nodded her head along to the radio, not saying anything to make sure Emilia was focused on the text. That was until her phone made the ding sound and she went to check to see who it was. AJ typically had the worst timing until she saw none other than lucylovexox and her heart dropped. There was no way.

“Better now. I was put in the ICU today for clinicals... it was rough.” The ICU was never a pleasant place to be. It didn’t help that she knew one of her patients. She didn’t know him well, but he was related to Blaine and had done her and her mother’s tattoos. She was ready to start the car, but then heard the ding. She froze like a deer in headlights. This had to be a coincidence.

“That, does not sound fun. I’m so sorry,” Lola frowned. “I’ll buy you an appetizer for your troubles tonight?” She offered with a smile. She couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Emilia between navigating the ICU for clinicals and still managing to make her way to see her...but Lola was grateful and she’d try to repay her as best as she could. Of course right now she wanted to quickly rebound and say, “Oh it’s probably my brother,” She chuckled to lighten the mood. As she checked her phone she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks and her ears as she responded, “That one was specifically for you 🥰🥰🥰” And all she could do now was hold her breath, and hope, the phone next to her wasn’t going to buzz.

“Aww, you’re too sweet. You don’t have to do that though.” She couldn’t get over how nice Lola was to her. Sure, her friends were nice to her, but Lola went above and beyond compared to most of them. She started up the car then felt her phone vibrate. One buzz, followed by a double buzz. One of those was definitely a text from Blaine, who had been bothering her all day about his maternal family. The other, she wasn’t sure about, but was scared to find out. She bit the bullet and looked. A text and an OnlyFans notification. She had to turn off notifications for OF one of these days. “Sorry, Blaine’s been texting me all day about family stuff.” That wasn’t a lie, but not the whole truth either. “I’ll answer him back later. You can change the station or put your own music on the aux if you want.”

“Yup, I do. It’s law. Bad days require amazing appetizers,” Lola grinned brightly at Emilia. It was at that moment she could hear her siblings in her head saying ‘welcome to the club’ and ‘it’s about goddamn time’ about her feeling her own feelings again. There was just something about Emilia that just made everything feel okay again. However, the buzz brought her mind back down to earth and that, got her heart racing, but then, it was followed by another buzz. Okay, it wasn’t, Emilia. Even though lucylovexox seemed so familiar and comfortable to talk to, there was no way it was Emilia. “Oh, is everything okay?” She asked curiously. Even though she and Blaine had a stand-off last time, she knew Emilia cared about her step-brother, and if she was worried, Lola would be worried too. “Don’t worry about it,” she chuckled. “I love this song actually. It’s been stuck in my head since I first heard it, actually.”

“Oh is it now?” she asked, a small smirk forming on her face. However, thinking about her day and the possibility of her alter ego being discovered brought her back to reality. She sighed before answering, “Don’t go spreading this around, but one of Blaine’s maternal cousins went into the hospital last night. Overdose. He’s in the ICU, and since I happened to be in the ICU today, it became my job to update them all on his condition on top of, you know, working. And now Blaine’s just complaining about how his relatives are irritating him.” With the car still in park, she opened up her phone to look at the notifications. She sent Blaine a quick “you’ll be aight” text, then went back to the DMs. Lollypop12, of course, came up first, followed by a man called GregT143. Greg was obsessed with her, or rather, with Lucy. She didn’t have the mental energy to answer either though, so she exited the app, put her phone in the cup holder, and started to drive.

"It is, I said so," She wiggled her eyebrows at the green-eyed girl. Lola had to push the thought from her head that Emilia was potentially lucylovexox--mostly because they became pretty acquainted with each other and she'd probably wouldn't know how to handle herself without being a flustered mess. At Emilia's confession, she did something she hardly ever did with people, she put a careful reassuring hand on Emilia's shoulder. "Don't worry, it'll be between us. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that, though. I can't even imagine how much of a headache that must be. I'm here for you though. If you want to like...vent and stuff," She offered with a lop-sided smile. Once she realized what she did she carefully inched her hand away back to her lap and took a breath. "So, um, this is...completely random, but earlier today my Nonna gave me a play by play of my old neighbors back home fighting. They fight every Thursday over a different topic each and every time and this week, they were screaming in the street about laundry."

Why was Lola so nice? Why did her hand on her shoulder make her heart flutter? Why did someone as cool and confident as Lola even give her the time of day? All of these thoughts, the thumping beat of Rihanna’s “Where Have You Been,” and the fact that her phone buzzed five times in a row  (all messages from Greg, of course) made it hard for Emilia to focus on the road. As Lola recalled the story her Nonna told her, Emilia abruptly pulled over and put the car in park. After turning the volume on the radio down to zero, she sat in silence for a moment, forehead pressed against the steering wheel, before apologizing. “I’m sorry... sorry... I just, I got overwhelmed. Sorry.” She felt like she was ruining the evening before it even began.

As Lola wrapped up the story with a, "Apparently you can't put orange with white because everything turns peach--" She kept hearing the buzzes coming from the cup holder and as much as she tried to not look, her eyes quickly glanced and saw the OF notifications and her heart fell straight down into her stomach as her eyes quickly went back to Emilia's as the car was suddenly pulled over. "Hey, hey," Lola unbuckled her seatbelt to scoot closer to Emilia, her hand lightly going over to her head, to turn the green eyed girl towards her. "Em, it's okay. I'm here."

“There’s too... much... happening!” she yelled, bursting into tears. Emilia was overwhelmed. She didn’t know why this was all hitting her now, but it was, and it was hitting her like a semi truck. She yanked her seatbelt off and buried her face into Lola’s shoulder. The fact that she was being so soft and comforting only made Emilia bawl harder. Then her phone buzzed again. This time it was a double buzz, a text message. The text was from Blaine and it said, “I know. I’m sorry everyone was bothering you. Thank you for your help today. Babciu and Kieran really appreciated it.” She didn’t want to read any of her messages at the moment, so she looked up to the blue-eyed girl and asked, “Could you please put my phone on airplane mode? The passcode is 0506.” 0506. May 6th, her mother’s birthday.

If there was one thing that Lola couldn't handle, it was emotion, but somehow, somewhere in the back of her head, she knew exactly what to do as she pulled Emilia into a tight hug, and rubbed her back in a soothing circle. "Just breathe, Emilia," She whispered softly. She couldn't imagine what was going through Emilia's head, being completely overwhelmed and overloaded, like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. All Lola could do was hold her tight to keep her together, to let her know she was here to hold her up. At Emilia's request, she nodded silently and typed in the passcode, ignoring all the texts and notifications as the phone was put into airplane mode. She set the phone back into the cup holder, and carefully went to cup Emilia's face, her thumbs wiping her tears. "Let's just take a moment for you to be in silence, that way you're not surrounded by a major sensory overload, okay?" She said, her voice was barely above a whisper. "I got you. I'm not going anywhere. Just take a moment."

A wave of relief washed over her once her phone was turned off. No more insane buzzing, no more horny incels or annoying brothers. It was just Emilia, Lola, and the low rumble of Emilia’s car engine. “Thanks... and sorry again. Can you repeat what you said before about your Nonna and the laundry? I didn’t fully understand you.”

Seeing Emilia pull herself back together was strength, in Lola's opinion. She was definitely having a day and she'd do her best to make it just a little better, if all else failed. "No need to apologize, I get it," She reassured the other brunette with a reassuring grin. "Oh, um," She chuckled awkwardly. "My Nonna likes to give me a play by play on my neighbors arguing every week and this week it was about laundry, and why you shouldn't put anything orange into a pile of whites."

Emilia sniffled, using her jacket sleeve to wipe her eyes. “Still. You have your own stuff to worry about. You don’t need my stuff too.” She often felt bad about bothering people with her emotional problems, even when she was confiding in someone she wholeheartedly trusted. She didn’t want to come off as whiny or annoying. “Huh, no orange and white. I’ve never had an issue with mixing whites and colors, but I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

"Sometimes we can't handle everything on our own, Em," Lola pointed out. "It's okay to lean on someone you can trust. I don't mind at all," She reassured her with a grin. All she wanted to do was pull Emilia into a hug again, but she definitely didn't want to go overboard...especially because she enjoyed hugging her. "Neither have I," She laughed lightly. "Honestly, I think they just have detergent that makes their clothes bleed, but I didn't tell Nonna that because those neighbors were like a telenovela just unraveling every week."

“Thanks again,” she said softly, leaning her head back on Lola’s shoulder. She wanted, no needed, another hug. It made her feel safe. Lola made her feel safe, amongst other things. “Yeah, it does sound like they have bad detergent. If you want to hear about a real-life telenovela, you should hear about my Uncle Luis’ love life.”

"Any time," Lola grinned. When Emilia's head went to Lola's shoulder, she couldn't resist wrapping her arms around her once more, just completely taking in the moment. She wanted to keep her safe, as much as she hated admitting to herself that she felt strongly for Emilia. "They really do. I'm gonna guess it's like AJAX or something?" She chuckled. "Oooh, you gotta tell me. How bad as it," She asked curiously. Then, she did something she didn't think she'd ever do: she carefully brushed a random piece of hair behind Emilia's ear.

Emilia closed her eyes, sighing softly. She hadn’t fully calmed down yet, but she was starting to. “Oh, it’s really bad. I should probably start by saying that he’s awful and no one in the family likes him. So he dated this woman when I was about ten or eleven, cheated on her with her twin sister, and got both of them pregnant.” She felt her cheeks blush when Lola touched her hair. She hated how much of a blusher she was, especially around her. She also hated how much she wanted to make out.

Lola hoped that Emilia was starting to feel better and was letting the weight lift off her shoulders, even if it was for a bit. "We all have a relative like that in our family, right?" She smirked until her eyes widened at the story. Now that, was pretty damn messy. "Wow...um...huh," She chuckled, shaking her head. "Okay, I just have one question: did they wind up having twins on their own too or...I'm just mildly curious on the outcome of all that, don't mind me," She waved off casually. She noticed Emilia's blush right off the bat. Frankly, it reminded her of the first day she met, except this time...she was fighting the urge of not instantly moving in to kiss her.

“Oh, well, one didn’t end up having any babies, and the other gave hers up for adoption. Just a single birth. I hope that kid’s doing alright.” She didn’t have any more information on that situation, but she did know that Luis had at least four other kids he wasn’t paying child support for. After finishing her story, she sat up and put her seatbelt back on. Her brain was still rebooting from the panic attack, but if she didn’t start driving now, she feared she might do something she’d regret. “Okay, I think I’m okay to drive now. You mind if I keep the radio off though?”

"Woo...I don't blame either of their decisions, honestly. I can't imagine how heartbreaking and rough that must've been. Definitely telenovela status," Lola nodded with a bewildered look for a moment. When Emilia sat back up, Lola went to grab her seatbelt to put it back on again. At least now things were back to normal...well, her mind was still reeling from all that had happened and the fact she had just done the thing and had to restrain herself. "Awesome! I'm ready!" She grinned and then followed up with, "Not at all, we can talk or drive in silence, whichever's more comfortable for you."

“Yeah, that was a particularly bad Luis story. I probably shouldn’t have known about that as a child, but I did.” It was because she and her mom always lived in tiny apartments and Emilia often eavesdropped on telephone conversations between her mom and Abuela. “I’m okay with talking.” As she drove, she didn’t do much of the talking. She preferred listening to what Lola had to say.

"You know I feel like when we have women in our family that love spilling tea, we're bound to know the wrong thing at a young age, you know?" Lola chuckled. "I definitely get it. The things my mom and Nonna, and Aunt Connie would talk about would be wild," She added on with a silly grin. "Okay, we can do that," She nodded. "Well, if you want to talk about family drama, well the current family drama is that my older sister hates my brother's girlfriend because she stands in solidarity with her best friend...who slept with my brother's girlfriend's ex-boyfriend...who also just so happens to be my brother's best friend."

“No one really told me stuff, I was just a nosy kid,” she explained, chuckling. “But now that I’m an adult, I get included in the conversation. Abuela looooves talking shit over the phone.” Emilia’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head when Lola talked about her family drama, not only because of how obscure this story was, but also because she remembered this story. “Shit, I think I heard about that on Gossip God!”

”That’s the best part. The eavesdropping. Did you ever hold the cup to your ear while your mom was in the other room??” She asked curiously. “YES!!!! Isn’t it great. Especially cause they think you won’t say anything. You become the new bearer of secrets,” She giggled. At Emilia’s expression, Lola laughed and nodded. “Because it was broadcasted on Gossip God. My brother and my sister’s best friend were wrapped up in alll of that. I mean, as much as Ivy wants me to hate Lydia, I’m curious about her and personally I just want to see her point of view and then determine from there. My mom agrees.”

"I never had to. Thin walls plus loud mom equaled perfect eavesdropping opportunities. She always gets mad at me when I tell her that she's loud, but then will yell at me to come downstairs for dinner at a volume loud enough to be heard down the block." She laughed at her own joke. Paula, whether she admitted or not, was a loud-mouth. "I'm a pretty good bearer of secrets, if I do say so myself. Except I do tell my mom most things. Like, I'd say about 90% of stuff." Of course she had her own secrets that she kept from her mom, but not too many. Just those involving sex work. "Honestly, I think you should get to know her on your own. Maybe it's one big misunderstanding. You won't know unless you do your own investigation. It reminds me of a law quote Blaine told me. 'There are three sides to every story: the plaintiff's side, the defendant's side, and the truth.'"

Lola giggled at Emilia's description of her mom. In fact, she could relate. Elena Siciliani was definitely one of those moms. "Ugh, lucky you...although I can relate with the loud-mouthed mom, until it came down to sharing gossip. I think our moms might get along honestly. Loud moms always flock together and you can hear them coming miles away," She shook her head as she explained through laughter. "That makes two of us then, huh? Although, let's be real, sometimes the secrets are just burning you have no choice but to tell your mom, y'know? Then they totally understand." It was often something that Lola did, often, although sometimes if it was too wild, she'd have to tell Ivy. "I think so too," She nodded in agreement and then tilted her head at Blaine's law quote. "That's...actually really insightful. I'll definitely have to keep that quote in my pocket. Thanks for that, Em."

“You think so?” Emilia thought her mom needed more mom friends. After Emilia fell out with her childhood best friend, Paula lost a lot of her mom friends. While she got along with Ace’s mom, they came from two totally different worlds and didn’t have a lot in common. “Oh yeah, totally. We bicker sometimes, but at the end of the day, she’s my best friend.” If there was one person Emilia could rely on no matter what, it was her mother. She was starting to get to that level of trust with her step family, but wasn’t quite there yet. “Oh no problem,” she said as she pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot.

"Definitely! My mom's loud and friendly to anyone she meets. Anyone. It's a pain because she always gets stopped at supermarkets because she's so extroverted and I'll be like 'ma...we gotta go'. Every time," She reassured Emilia. Hopefully their moms could be friends somewhere down the road...especially with how much Lola's been rattling her head off to the woman back home. "I love that for you both," She said with a bright smile. Lola was blessed to have not just her mother, but her older siblings too. Throughout the bickering, the fighting, she had them. So, she could relate to just Emilia and her mom, cause sometimes, that's all you ever needed. "So," She clapped her hands quietly, but excitedly, "I am so hype to try out this spot."

“That happens to my step-dad too. He just knows everyone!” Her mom was extroverted, but not as much as George. Emilia didn’t mind as much, but Blaine absolutely hated it. It’s why Emilia helped out with groceries more than he did. “Well I’d love to meet your mom one of these days, and I’m sure my mom would too.” She wondered how much Lola’s mom knew about her. Paula had heard quite a bit about Lola, and Gossip God filled in the rest of the blanks for her. She hated how accurate that blog was. She pulled into a spot, put the car in park, and turned the car off. “My personal favorite are the chicken tacos. I hear the fish tacos are good too, but I’ve never had them. I can try them, but only once.”

"Isn't it so daunting?! Like they get stopped literally everywhere!" Lola laughed at the thought of it. Often times, she'd joke that her mom was like the mayor or the president. Just always shaking hands and having very long conversations. "Definitely! I think she's coming down for March Madness or spring break, I gotta double check with her first, but I'll definitely let you know when he's in town," She reassured her with a smile. "Oooh, chicken tacos sound amazing right now. Especially with the green salsa," She sighed at the mention of the fish taco, she thought about it for a second. I can try them, but only once. "Wait a sec," She shook her head with a chuckle. "Are you allergic to fish?"

“Right? Sometimes I feel like my mom married the freaking Governor!” She laughed about it, but George could go into politics if he wanted to, and he’d probably be very good at it. Emilia’s eyes widened as she realized that she never told Lola about her allergy. “Crustacean shellfish,” she elaborated. “I never really had shellfish growing up because we couldn’t afford it. I tried shrimp and stuff a few times, but I didn’t realize I was having an allergic reaction and just thought it tasted bad. I didn’t actually know I was allergic until I graduated high school and tried lobster for the first time at my high school graduation dinner.” Worst dinner party ever.

"Exactly! It's like at this point, just run for office! Between your step-dad and my mom, they'd win the presidency/vice presidency for sure," Lola laughed at the thought of it for a moment. "Oh...that sounds incredibly terrifying and horrible," She shook her head in shock. "Rest assured, I'm not really a big fan of shellfish, like at all, my family doesn't really eat it cause ma's allergic, so, you won't die at Sunday dinner," She teased, and realized what she just implied...and then frankly she didn't care because she liked Emilia. "And yes, you're invited to Sunday dinner."

“Now that would be a sight to see.” Emilia wasn’t sure if she would ever want George to run for office, as he was, unfortunately, a libertarian. “Yeah, not fun times, which is why I generally avoid mixed seafood platters and fried foods at restaurants. Did you know that restaurants tend to fry everything in the same oil?” She didn’t know that until she was an adult. “I mean, if you did want to, I wouldn’t stop you, so long as you don’t kiss me on the mouth after.” Emilia realized after she spoke what she was implying, and once again, her face was red. “Uh... anyways, let’s go eat!”

"It really would huh?" Lola grinned, scrunching her nose up cutely at Emilia. "I don't blame you at all, that sounds terrify--wait what?" Her eyes widened in shock. This was the first time she had ever heard about food being fried in the same oil. "I--wow--that's--huh," She was pretty much speechless for a moment about the food until her ears perked up at Emilia's next statement. "Let's be real, if I were to kiss you on the mouth, I definitely wouldn't eat fried food or seafood. Maybe something sweet like, candy or fruit," She pointed out with a smirk. She was definitely being blunt now. "I mean, um, yeah, definitely, let's go!" She nodded in agreement, biting her bottom lip nervously, hoping to the high heavens that she didn't blow it.

“Mhm.” Emilia smiled at Lola’s cute little scrunched-nose expression. She wanted to take a picture and keep it forever, but didn’t do that because she knew that would be a weird thing to do. “Yeah. When you have a lot of food to make, it’s just easier to fry everything together. Not all places do it, but a lot of big places do, like diners and chain restaurants.” Emilia’s heart skipped a beat when Lola talked about kissing her. And biting her lip after? Was Lola trying to kill her? Her heart was pushing her to make a move before it was too late, so she did. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against the other girl’s. As soon as she did, however, her brain screamed at her to stop. ‘What the hell are you doing? Why would you do that? She doesn’t actually like you. Stop now! STOP NOW!!’ She listened to her brain, retreated, and apologized. “I-I’m sorry... I-I don’t know what came over me...”

Lola couldn't help but smile at Emilia's smile. She really did have the prettiest smile, and sure, it might make her a simp but she would go through hell and high water to make sure that girl smiled. God, she was hopeless. "That sounds so gross. That cross contamination sounds so deadly I just...ew. I can't," She made a sour face and shook her head for a moment. When her gaze met Emilia's, she could feel her own blush coming on starting from her cheeks and ending at her ears. At this point she just wanted to hide her face within her shirt, maybe behind her jean jacket if she could, but, suddenly, Emilia's lips were on her lips, and they were so soft but before she could even reciprocate it back, the other girl pulled back. And Lola, was bewildered. "No don't!" She quickly blurted out. "I um," She put her hand to her own lips and smiled a little, "Can we...do that again?"

Oh God, she actually did that. The brunette’s brain was moving a hundred miles per second. ‘That was a terrible idea. She doesn’t realize how much of a broken mess you are. No one wants to be with a broken mess.’ Once more, Emilia felt the need to apologize. “Sorry. It’s just... the things you were saying and way you were looking at me made me think maybe— wait did you just ask if we could do that again?”

Lola’s mind was running a mile a minute. Mostly it was an internal scream that Emilia had just kissed her. One part of her told her no, we’re not going back down this route again! but the other part of her...the other part of her was much louder and much softer. That part of her would never get tired of kissing Emilia. Her brow furrowed at Emilia’s apology, her assumptions were right, Lola was indeed flirting with the beautiful green eyed girl. “You don’t need to apologize,” She giggled softly. “And yeah, I did. I liked it,” she bit her lip nervously and then said, “I’ve been flirting this whole time, because I like the way your cheeks get all rosy and your smile gets all bashful. I think you’re really pretty—no—drop-dead gorgeous. And I wouldn’t mind kissing you all the time.”

You don't need to apologize. She repeated that to herself in her brain. You don't need to apologize. She heard it in her therapist's voice. Her therapist was constantly telling her that she didn't need to apologize to everyone for everything, that the feelings she felt were normal and valid. Maybe her therapist had a point. Hearing Lola say that she enjoyed the kiss and that she had been flirting with her brought a smile to Emilia's face, but part of her still didn't believe Lola. Emilia's mind was constantly in flux between 'you're awful and ugly and nobody will love you' and 'you're hot shit, but people will only ever love you for your body.' Right now she was stuck on the former. "Are you sure?" she asked, softly.

Lola could tell the situation was intensifying between them two, so carefully, she reached out to put a hand on Emilia's cheek to reassure her. She had to admit, she was a sucker for her, despite her own past heartache, but she had a glimmer of hope. Maybe she wouldn't be hidden this time, maybe she wouldn't have to hold her hand under the table. Maybe, just maybe, she could be out in the open with Emilia. She hoped so, at least. Carefully she leaned in closer and nodded, "I'm more than sure," She smiled. "I like you, Emilia."

She leaned into Lola’s touch, melting like a puddle in her hand. Why someone as cool as Lola liked someone like Emilia was beyond her comprehension. But being close to her like this felt nice, and she wanted to get even closer, physically and emotionally. “I like you too... So does that make this a date?”

It was official, Lola was indeed a simp and her siblings would give her the utmost shit about it...and she didn’t care. Emilia was the sweetest person she had come across, someone who could pull a smile from her constant rbf, she was someone who reminded her what it was like to feel a heartbeat. Her smile grew at Emilia’s confession and all she wanted to do was kiss her right then and there, but she decided to just lean in, and let her nose touch the other girl’s as she whispered, “It can be, if you want it to.”

“In that case, it’s a date... We should probably get this food before all the seats fill up.” As much as she wanted to stay here and enjoy this moment, she was starving. “Or I guess we could get it to go, if worse comes to worst.” As she sat up, she caught a glimpse of herself in the rear view mirror and realized how disheveled she looked. “Oh God, I hope you weren’t going to really let me go into the restaurant looking like this,” she said, reaching back to grab her purse. She had cried about half of her makeup off while panicking and wasn’t going to go out in public without fixing it. “Could you go in and grab us a table?”

“Great! It’s a date!” Lola echoed with a grin. “And um yeah because the last thing I had today was left over lasagna...for lunch,” she emphasized with a groan. She was definitely starving. “Let’s see if there are tables first and then if push comes to shove then we can get it to go and eat it at my place?” She offered with a smile. At Emilia’s comment, Lola shook her head with a chuckle, “Of course not, I would’ve definitely stopped you, but, I still think you look pretty,” She pointed out with a more bashful smile. At the request, she nodded and gave Emilia a quick kiss on the cheek before she went to unbuckle her seatbelt and hopped out the car. She was practically skipping with excitement as she made her way inside.

Once Lola was out of the car, Emilia screamed in excitement. She took her phone off of airplane mode and called Ace to let him know about the good news. She put him on speaker and told him everything that had happened in the car as she reapplied her eye makeup. She was over the moon, and Ace was just as excited for her. Once she looked presentable, she ended the call and entered the restaurant.

Lola was on cloud 9 as she made her way inside giddily asking for a table. She had gushed to the hostess about having her first date tonight with a pretty girl in which, suddenly she was being seated at her table. She thanked the woman and took a seat, quickly texting AJ and Ivy, “Guess I’m joining the club,” and then waited for Emilia, her heart, was officially racing.

Emilia stared at her phone for a moment before entering the restaurant. She knew she had messages to answer, but she didn’t feel like doing it. It dawned on her that Lola most likely saw at least one OnlyFans notification when she turned her phone off for her earlier, and that she had quite a bit of explaining to do. She would cross that bridge later though, when they weren’t in public. She sent Blaine a quick text, stating “no prob, ttyl” before going on airplane mode once more. She wanted to give Lola all of her attention. The hostess graciously showed her to the table where Lola was seated.

Lola could feel the adrenaline rushing through her and it almost felt like electricity in her veins, in the best way possible, of course. When she got a few texts back, mostly from AJ, because she knew Ivy was working, she quickly shot back texts doing her best to explain in few words before responding “I’ll call you later”, when she noticed Emilia approaching and quickly pocketed her phone. Gosh, she’s so pretty... she thought to herself quietly and then responded, “Well, long time no see, stranger,” She teased.

Emilia was excited, but also incredibly nervous. Why did she have to say the date thing? Now the stakes felt so much higher. There was a big chance that she would severely screw things up. But maybe something really good could come out of this. “I’m sorry, who are you?” she asked, clearly joking.

As much as she felt that the whole date thing would mean a little more pressure, Lola reminded herself to make it as enjoyable as possible, even if it was awkward. "Wooow, you wound me, Emilia!" She teased, putting a hand over her own heart in a dramatic fashion. "So, I have a proposition for you, that way it takes a little bit of weight of your shoulders."

She giggled at Lola’s response to her joke. “And the Oscar goes to Lola Siciliani!” She hung her jacket up on the back of the chair and took a seat, immediately reaching for the bowl of tortilla chips on the table. She was thankful for free restaurant chips. She raised a brow when Lola spoke. “A proposition? What kind of proposition are you talking about?”

“I’d like to give a big middle finger to the academy and a shout out to this gorgeous gal back home...” Lola teased with a giggle. She went to try to steal a chip from Emilia as she nodded at the other girl’s question. “Okay, so, I know this is the first date, but, what if we just say it’s a casual first date, so that way it kinda takes the edge off y’know? Like—we don’t have to sit and try to impress each other because we’re just here to have a good time, no matter what the outcome.”

"Damn, what'd the Academy do to you?" she asked, laughing. "When you say back home, do you mean here or is there someone in Chicago I should know about?" Emilia was sure there were plenty of gorgeous girls in Chicago, maybe some that Lola had dated. Now that she was thinking about it, she realized that she really didn't know anything about Lola's dating history. That would be a question for later. "I like the idea of a casual first date... I think I'd like to do the 'getting to know you' part of a date though, because there's still a bunch of little things I don't know about you yet, and I'd like to."

"Oh you know, snub all my favorite actors," Lola laughed along with her and then snorted at Emilia's remark. "Well, I'm starting to consider Santa Monica as a second home and the only pretty girl I know is sitting right across from me," She added, batting her eyelashes cutely at the other girl. "Then back home I got my ma, Nonna, and Aunt Connie," She added with a grin. She realized there'd be more that the two of them would talk about between growing up in their hometowns to the infamous dating history. She was ready--sort of. "Awesome! And yeah, we can do that, get to know the deep dark secrets and all," She teased. "I could take the plunge and start or, would you like to have the floor first?" She asked curiously, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.

There it was again. She felt her face warming up. She hadn't even been in this restaurant for two minutes, yet Lola was already making her flustered. Getting complimented by pretty girls was truly her Kryptonite. "Oh hush. I can't be the only pretty girl you've met. There are literal models who live here!" Emilia hadn't met any personally, but she knew they were out there. Her heart dropped to her stomach at the mention of deep dark secrets. Emilia would have to talk about her 'side hustle' eventually. She told herself this only moments ago, but she still wasn't ready. What if Lola judged Emilia for what she did? Or worse, what if she told other people? "Umm... were you in any clubs or sports teams in high school?" That was an easy enough question.

"Pink's definitely your color," Lola began teasingly. "Just look at how cute you look when you get all flustered," She said, wiggling her eyebrows at Emilia with a big grin. "Okay, so? That doesn't make you any less prettier than any of the models here. You're gorgeous and if you weren't sitting across from me I'd probably squish your face--and that's rare," She admitted aloud. She was so going to kick herself for that comment. "I played soccer and was in the science club," She admitted with a grin. "What about you?"

“Stooooop,” she whined, hiding her face behind her hands. “It might be one of my favorite colors, but not on my face.” She took a few deep breaths, trying not to get overwhelmed. Then it hit her. She thought to herself, don’t think like Emilia, think like Lucy. “That’s too kind of you. But you could squish my face if you really wanted to, like...” She reached across the table and squeezed one of Lola’s cheeks. “Like that.” She smirked at the other girl. “I did choir all throughout high school and I was in stage crew for a few of the school plays. Oh, and GSA. Ace convinced me to start going to that in junior year.”

Lola giggled at Emilia whining and hiding behind her hands. She had a feeling she could get used to moments like these, except she hated there was a table between them because she’d be all over, kissing those cute flustered cheeks. “Well, I think it’s so cute,” She smiled scrunching her nose up at her. Then, the tables were turned when Emilia went to squish Lola’s cheek and she laughed feeling her own face slowly begin to turn pink. “Well...” She cleared her throat, hiding her own face for a moment and suppressing a fit of giggles. “You’re on!” She said as she reached over with both hands to squish Lola’s cheeks and then said, “Hey, why don’t we switch it up and you can sit next to me instead or I could go and slide over next to you?” She offered. “Really?” Her eyes widened in awe at the other girl’s clubs. “Do you still sing? What plays did you get to do? And hey! Wait, Ace? Museum guy Ace?—sorry that was a lot of questions, don’t mind me I got excited.”

A wide smile formed on Emilia's face once she wasn't the only one blushing. "Well well, how the tables have turned," she teased. "You see, I would move over, but then you would be squishing my cheeks all night long." She paused, trying to think of the answers to all of her questions. "It's okay. So, one, I sing for fun when I'm by myself in my room and in the car, but that's really it. Two, I helped with set design and stage makeup for Hairspray and Little Shop of Horrors. Three, probably, yeah. He basically lives at Bergamot when he's not at work." She took her phone out of her pocket and pulled up her photos, handing it over to show Lola a recent selfie of her and Ace. "That's him. We've been best friends since he moved here in freshman year of high school."

"This is a cruel fate," Lola said in between laughs as she tried using her hands to cover up her cheek. "Is that such a crime to give you some affection?" She asked, batting her eyelashes cutely at Emilia with the most innocent of smiles. "Let me guess, you're one of those shy singers that sound insanely good, right?" She asked with genuine curiosity. "Wow, I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed," Lola grinned. At the picture her eyes widened. "Holy shit, what a small world! I actually ran into him at the museum actually. We were talking about Botticelli's Venus painting and the alphabet mafia."

"Yes, yes it is," she joked back. "I, uh, no. I don't think I'm that good. I never got solos or anything like that. I'm just a plain old alto." As per usual, Emilia wasn't giving herself enough credit. The main reason why she never got solos in choir was because she didn't kiss the choir teacher's ass like some of her classmates. "Oh yeah! He told me about that. I, uh, may have mentioned you to him a few times..." By 'a few times,' she meant 'more times than she wanted to admit.' At this point, Emilia could only assume that Ace was tired of hearing about her not-so-hopeless-anymore crush. When the waiter came over to take their orders, Emilia greeted the familiar face and immediately started making small talk with him in Spanish.

"Well, consider me a criminal then," Lola reached over to go lightly squeeze Emilia's cheek with a grin. "Really? Hm...I'd ask you to try me right now, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable but, if you ever want to, I'd want to hear the 'plain old alto' for myself, if that's okay?" She offered with a soft smile. She didn't want to directly put Emilia on the spot like that, but she had a feeling the other girl underestimated herself. "O-Oh! Well, I hope I made a good first impression on your best friend then," She smiled bashfully. When the waiter came over, she watched with a soft smile as Emilia was in her element. While she could understand what they said and could speak it, she knew just out of sheer nervousness she'd fumble over words and be a flustered mess. So she let them catch up.

“I’ll let you get away with it this time because your cute.” Lola’s cute little smile and eyelash batting were driving her crazy. And the fact that she wanted to hear Emilia sing but was understanding enough not to put her on the spot? Forget it. Why is she so perfect? she wondered to herself. “Oh yeah. He laughed about the alphabet mafia thing for at least a whole day.” Emilia and the waiter asked each other about their families and life in general. Emilia, of course, left out the parts about clinicals stressing her out beyond belief. She ordered her usual chicken taco platter and Sprite, then the waiter turned his attention to Lola, asking for her order in English.

"Oooh, you let me get away with that then I think you'll be in trouble soon." Lola was very close to making a very cheesy 'stealing your heart' type of comment, but held herself back from doing so. At least the principle of it was there, or so she thought. "Yeah it was something that I used to throw around in high school until I was able to come out," She chuckled. Lola watched Emilia and her friend exchange their stories with curiosity for a moment until it was finally her turn. She ordered in Spanish and then followed up with, "I grew up in a predominantly Latinx community so and since Italian and Spanish are very similar, I learned pretty quickly."

Both Emilia and the waiter looked over at Lola, surprised. The waiter went off to get their drinks and Emilia asked Lola, “Well damn, why didn’t you tell me sooner? So you know English, Italian, and Spanish? Do you know any other languages?” Blaine was fluent in Italian because of his grandfather, and Emilia was tempted to ask him for lessons. “So backtracking a bit, when did you come out?”

Lola smiled sheepishly and then said, "I didn't want to interrupt the conversation, but it was just cool to just hear it. Almost reminded me of home. And yeah, I speak a little bit of Mandarin and Korean, because of this science trip that I took, but I'm mostly fluent in Italian and Spanish, what about you?" She asked curiously. She definitely hoped she didn't come off as too much of a nerd. "My junior year of high school, so like...two years ago. My mom hugged me and cried and said, 'Thank God, Lola actually enjoys other people's company!'...I didn't vocalize crushes like my siblings did, mostly cause I've always been the quieter one," She admitted with a chuckle.

"I grew up speaking both English and Spanish at home. Spanish was my mom's first language and she wanted me to be fluent too, so she started teaching me both at the same time. I learned ASL in high school, and I still use it with Ace regularly. Aaaand I took a French class last year to fulfill a language credit, but I can't say that I really speak it. I remember, like, a few phrases." Emilia couldn't help but giggle at Lola's story about her coming out experience. "Damn, your mom really turned your coming out into a roasting session."

"That, is so cool! You've honestly got me beat, let's be real. That's so sweet that you picked up on ASL to communicate with Ace, that's true friendship right there," Lola nodded with a proud grin. "Ugh, French. That is such a hard language to learn. All I can say is Je m'appelle Lola and oui oui baguette," She bit her lip, trying to suppress a giggle, but couldn't help but do so. "It wouldn't be a Siciliani family dinner if there wasn't roasting involved. My mom, nonna, and pops, are legends of that."

"Do I have you beat? You know more languages than I do. But yeah, I wanted to be able to talk to him in a way that made him comfortable. Plus I thought signing would be a good skill to have." Ace was the only person she regularly signed with, though she was able to sign with a patient during one of her clinical rotations last week and she felt accomplished because of it. "Right? French is weird. There's so many letters in the words and they only pronounce half of them! What gives?" She giggled at the 'oui oui baguette' comment. "I remember 'omelette du fromage,' from Dexter's Laboratory." Emilia smiled at her fondly. "Is this what I have to look forward to one day? Roasting?"

“Yes you do. I think learning sign language holds the upper hand to the amount that I know, you know? I think sign language should be something everyone should know,” She grinned. “I love that for you both though. And um, I’d be willing to learn if you’re town to teach me?” she asked with a cute grin, but she meant it. She’d love to learn sign language especially to make Ace feel more comfortable. “Exactly! Like what is even that language? It’s like alphabet soup or something!” Lola laughed alongside with Emilia and gasped excitedly at the Dexter’s Laboratory reference. “Oh my god, yes!!! That one is a classic, it’s honestly the first French phrase I learned,” she admitted with a laugh. “Yes, and once you’re comfortable enough with us, get ready to get roasted.”

“Oh yeah, I can definitely teach you some stuff! Ace would probably do it too. Just tell me when.” She knew Ace would be willing to do it, but didn’t know if he had the time to do it. “Just a heads up, the ASL grammar rules can get a little funky. Frustrating is what it is! When a word ends in -er, -ez, or e with an accent, they all sound like the letter a! How does that make sense?” She huffed dramatically. “I think it might be the first phrase a lot of people in our generation learned.” She laughed nervously at the mention of getting roasted. “Oh, fun.”

"That would be really great! I mean, whenever you both are free, of course. I know schedules can be all over the place and everything," Lola mused with a grin. She was excited at the offer, but she also didn't want to push it either. "Wait what?! Really?! So how do you differentiate whether -er, -ez, or -e to not sound like a?" She asked curiously. "Definitely! I mean Dexter's Lab was one of the most iconic shows of our time between that and the Powerpuff Girls," She chuckled and then shook her head. "Don't worry, we don't start it right off the bat. We take it easy until you're ready."

“We’ll figure something out.” She smiled at Lola, reaching out for her hand. “Fuck if I know!” she answered with a laugh. She liked to think about her French class— and the B- she got in it— as little as possible. “Oh my God, the Powerpuff Girls is my absolute favorite!” She still watched reruns of it to this day. It was one of her comfort shows. “Not the 2016 reboot though. We don’t talk about the 2016 reboot.”

Lola nodded and reached for Emilia's hand with a big smile. "French is truly the weirdest language, I'm convinced," She laughed. "Wait really?! Me too! The Powerpuff Girls practically got me through my first exams last semester, I don't know what I would've done," She explained with a chuckle. "No, absolutely not the 2016 reboot doesn't exist. Although, I have to ask, which one's your favorite?"

"No way! That's crazy," she exclaimed. "That's really your favorite cartoon too? God, it's like you get more perfect the more I get to know you." She had to have some flaw. Everything about her felt too good to be true. "Nope, it never happened. Neither did Teen Titans GO... Which one is my favorite? I think I'd have to say Buttercup. I've always wished I could be a badass like Buttercup, but really I'm just a big ol' softy like Bubbles. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, just a true thing. If you were a Powerpuff Girl, I think you'd be Blossom. You have that natural-born leader vibe about you."

"Yeah! I mean, I'm definitely far from perfect, though, that's for sure," Lola admitted with a sheepish grin. While it made her heart swell that Emilia thought so highly of her...she often thought of herself as someone who was often closed off from the world. "Teen Titans GO is honestly homophobic, I'm convinced. The light-heartedness, the lack of dark aesthetic...what's the point?" She shook her head with a sigh. "Well for what it's worth, you look like older Buttercup, you've just got Bubbles' spirit, and that's okay. Besides, Bubbles proved herself to be pretty hardcore which scared Blossom and Buttercup," She smirked. "Well...since you said I'm Blossom..." She trailed off as she pulled her phone out, scrolled for a few moments and slid over a picture. "Blossom is my favorite Powerpuff Girl so my mom dressed me up as her for Halloween, especially since my hair's more on the reddish side, like my nonna."

Emilia didn't want to push it, but she honestly though Lola was perfect. "Right?! Like, what was even the point of rebooting that show? They made everyone less hot and more annoying!" She had a huge crush on Raven as a child, but didn't realize at the time that dating girls was even an option for her. "I do? Let me guess, because of the green eye/dark hair combo? I get my hair from my mom, and I guess I get my eyes from my dad. I never met the guy, but my mom's family is full of brown-eyed people, so by default, it has to be from him." Emilia's jaw dropped when Lola showed her the Halloween costume pictures. "Lola, that is the cutest shit I've ever seen! Oh my God! Look at your little bow, and your little dress! Ahhhh!"

Lola nodded with enthusiasm, "Yes! Thank you! I honestly don't understand why they took away the appeal of it all...and I swear if you tell me that Raven and Beast Boy were your faves, I might have to run and buy a ring." Lola was pretty sure between Raven, Beast Boy, Megan Fox, and Sebastian Stan, that they were her bi-awakening, but, it also wasn't something that she had expressed out loud either. Her crushes, were often very, very quiet. "Guilty as charge, but also, and don't hate me, but you have the most attractive rbf. That's what really sold it to me." At the mention of Emilia's father, Lola's head tilted curiously. This was the first time she had ever heard him mention, and frankly...she wasn't really sure if she should ask. She didn't want to make things awkward or make Emilia feel uncomfortable. "Well, green eyes or brown eyes, I still find you pretty," She smiled softly. "Oh god," She giggled, feeling her face heat up again. "I didn't think you'd gush that hard over little me!"

She paused for a moment, flustered by the ring comment. “Oh, uh, Raven and Robin... but I guess one out of two isn’t bad?” She couldn’t exactly pinpoint who or what her pansexual awakening was, as there were several different factors at play. But she knew pretty cartoon characters definitely played some sort of role. “Wait, do I really have an rbf?!” Emilia thought of herself as a generally happy person, despite the fact that her smile was a source of insecurity. “I appreciate that. You already know I think you’re really pretty. I see that look on your face. You can ask questions if you want to. I don’t mind answering.” Though she didn’t talk about her biological father often, the topic was no longer a sore subject for her. She had made peace with the fact that she didn’t know the man and probably never would. “What can I say? You’re just that cute!” she exclaimed, smiling back at her.

Lola chuckled at Emilia's reaction, she truly was endearing. "Yeah, that's still grounds for being wifed up, that's for sure," She teased once more. She was lucky neither of her siblings were around hearing what she was saying because she'd definitely be given shit for it. "You do when you're really focused on something, but--and you're probably going to roast me on this, but I find it really attractive on you. Especially like...the moment when someone catches your attention, it melts away and you smile and your eyes go from laser beams to little stars...wow, that's such a simp thing to say," She said aloud, her face, officially, as pink as the bracelets on her wrist, but it was the truth. It was what she admired most about the brunette. "Thank you," She chuckled. "Okay, I'll only ask if you're comfortable with me asking, however. I don't want to bring up anything sour or make you feel like backed to a wall or anything," She offered. "Not as cute as you," She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Huh, if I had known that, I would've put it in my Tinder bio! Just kidding, I don't have Tinder," she stated, laughing nervously. She was too nervous for dating apps. If she did use a dating app, she would have to do what she does with her OnlyFans and pretend to be someone else-- a much more confident someone else-- and she didn't like the idea of lying to a potential partner. With OnlyFans, she wasn't trying to find someone, she was just trying to get paid. Emilia once again found herself flustered at Lola's compliments. Lola's words flowed like a poem. She wondered to herself, How was she this perfect? "I think... that might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me?" She noticed the other girl's blush, but didn't want to embarrass her by bringing attention to it. "I honestly don't mind talking about it. I mean, I might not have great answers because I really don't know the guy, but it doesn't bother me," she replied, shrugging. "Oh hush. You're cuter."

Lola couldn't help but burst out laughing at Emilia's comment about Tinder. Even if she did or didn't have one, she had to admit it was pretty clever. Although, she, herself only lasted a day on Tinder before deleting her profile. It wasn't something she bragged about after the many unwanted dick pics she got. She shook her head at the thought. "Wait really?" She tilted her head curiously at Emilia. How could no one tell her how pretty she was? How bright her smile was and the way she laughed could echo in one's head all day. "Well, I guess I should just share more of what I think when I see you over time, huh?" Lola meant every word about her, too. "And, you just answered my question," She giggled. "For what it's worth, your mom did one hell of an amazing job raising you, and kudos to your step-dad, too," She smiled. "Oh, so we're just gonna have that battle on who's cuter, is that what I'm gathering," Lola teased, moving her fingers up Emilia's arm playfully.

“Well yeah,” she admitted. “I mean, people have complimented me before. But it’s usually just surface level stuff. Nothing like that. That right there was pure poetry. You should start writing this stuff down. Maybe you’ll get a poetry award one day.” She knew on a conscious level that there were people who found her attractive. She wouldn’t have subscribers if they didn’t. But the ghosts of bullies past still haunted her to this day. She often thought about the classmates who made fun of her weight, her overbite, and the fact that she sometimes would slip into Spanish by accident. She thought about the girls in her dance class who made fun of her for being ugly and wearing hand-me-downs, and because she had to quit because her mom didn’t have the money to afford the classes. She thought about her ex-boyfriend, who never outright insulted her, but didn’t care about her feelings or interests. But Lola was different. But it had her wondering why. Why was she being so nice to her? Did she have an ulterior motive? Or was Emilia just traumatized and in need of genuine human kindness? As she got lost in her own thoughts, she heard speaking and felt her arm being touched, but wasn’t retaining what was being said or what was going on. She focused back in, asking, “Sorry, I zoned out a bit. What was that last part?”

Lola smiled a little and shrugged, "I've never really written poetry before but...I guess I could give it a whirl. Maybe I could ask AJ to help me. He's really big on poetry. Just so you know if I win that award, you'll be the first I thank." As she continued talking, she could tell that something about Emilia was off. The way she suddenly fell silent rang alarm bells in the back of Lola's mind and so she stood up and walked over to sit next to her, closing the space of the table in between them. It wasn't something she often did, but, she knew it struck something in Emilia and the last thing she wanted was for Emilia to be sad. It made Lola wonder as she quietly brought her hand to Emilia's cheek, why in the world would someone want to hurt someone as sweet as her? "I'm sorry if that struck a nerve, Em," She said quietly. "I just...wanted to say that I really admire you."

“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess my brain is still resetting from earlier...” She still wasn’t 100% after her earlier panic attack. This whole day was a rollercoaster, and she felt as if she had just hit a sudden death drop. She took a deep breath before finally admitting, “Lola, I honestly don’t understand why you’re so nice to me. I appreciate it, really, but I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

"That's okay, you can take your time. Today took a toll on you so I can't expect you to magically be better, but I do want to be here for you too," Lola offered with a soft smile. Anxiety wasn't fun and she could speak it from experience, although she was one to bury her emotions deep down and not really show it to others, that was a different story for a different day, however. "I mean, you were nice to me the day we met, you know? Aside from having a crush on you, you were my first friend here, someone that I could easily relate to. Why do you feel undeserving of kindness?"

“Thanks,” she mumbled, taking Lola’s hand into hers and squeezing it. Emilia wanted to be okay. She wanted to enjoy herself. At minimum, she wanted to put on a brave face and swallow down her thoughts so Lola could enjoy herself. That wasn’t happening though. She could only hope that Lola didn’t feel burdened by her outbursts and shifting moods. When Lola asked why she felt undeserving of kindness, she froze. It was only a matter of time before this question came up. She hesitated before answering, “I-I guess it’s because I’m not used to it. My brain is constantly fluctuating between the thoughts of ‘you’re ugly and no one will ever like you because of that’ and ‘you’re attractive but people will only ever like you for your body.’ And it’s like a metronome that swings back and forth, never stopping in the middle... Wow, I feel like I’m in therapy.”

"I got you, Em," She smiled, lightly squeezing Emilia's hand to reassure her. Lola knew it was hard to keep everything contained, to keep a brave face without feeling like everything just kept getting chipped away. All she wanted to do was be there for Emilia, throughout the ups and downs, the good, the bad, and the ugly. While Lola wasn't the best at handling her own emotions, she was pretty good at being there for when others needed her, and this time, was no different. "Hey, what you're feeling is valid. I mean, whoever made you feel like that sucks and deserves to be kicked into a canyon Sparta style, but, your feelings are valid. That doesn't make you undeserving, though. You are beautiful, inside and out, and you're more than your body...and, I'll remind you every single day that you're worthy if I need to. Cause I care about you."

She squeezed Lola’s hand again, needing the grounding input. The urge to kiss her returned, stronger than before. However, this was interrupted by Juan the waiter bringing their food to the table. She looked over at him, stating, “Muchas gracias!” She then turned back to Lola and spoke. “I care about you too. Thank you, for everything. I can’t even express in words how much I appreciate everything you do for me. You know if you ever need to talk about anything that I’m here for you, right?”

Click here for Part 2 

[tisfan]

Peas in a Pod (Chapter Five)

Title: Chapter 5 of Peas in a Pod Collaborators: @27dragons and @tisfan AO3 Link Square Filled: O1 - In Vino Veritas Ship: Bucky/Tony, Steve/Seb Rating: T Major Tags: confessions, drinking, background Nat/Scott, references to sex that happened Summary: Switching back, Bucky has a new song, Seb is almost late for class, and there’s a whole lot of questions at the after-concert party…   Word Count: 3,643 Created for @mcukinkbingo

Seb’s phone -- well, technically, it was Bucky’s phone -- went off at ridiculous o’clock Friday morning. Which was only ridiculous because Steve had been covering for him with the band, and they’d stayed out late Thursday night and partied like… well, like fucking rock stars, and it had been one of the best nights of Seb’s life, ending with an impressively long bout of making out and mutually masturbating.

Speaking of which, Steve was still laying over Seb’s legs. And the phone was still buzzing. Texts.

Meet early for the thing.

We need to switch back before the show. And I fail all your tests.

Also, I’d kinda like to have my credit card back.

And you need new shoes, you are a menace to arches everywhere.

Seb groaned and let his hand fall back to the bed. Tests. Yes. That... that was a thing he was supposed to be doing. And probably he should not go up on stage as Bucky; his impression was pretty good for a couple of rounds of karaoke, but he wasn’t going to be able to maintain it for the duration of a whole show. And he definitely didn’t think he could fake that synergy with the rest of the band that made a Winter Soldier performance so electrifying.

Fuck. He rubbed at his face and then prodded at Steve’s shoulder. He managed to unstick his teeth enough to mumble, “G’off.”

“Again?” Steve said. For a guy with short hair, Steve had some impressive bedhead. He nuzzled sleepily at Seb’s chest. “Thought we did that already?”

(more under the cut)

Seb pushed at Steve a little harder. Jesus, the guy was built like a tank. And nearly as heavy. “Off,” he clarified. “Clock’s striking midnight, time for Cinderella to go back to being a drudge.”

Steve huffed and rolled over, taking most of the blankets with him. “Yeah, I guess I knew this was coming.” He straightened to look at Seb with a wistful gaze. “You’re not gonna go into hiding and make me find you with a shoe, are you?”

“Well, I might,” Seb mused. “Bucky says I need new shoes anyway.” He waved his phone at Steve by way of explanation. “But nah, I mean. School’s right here in town, it’s not hard to find me. If, you know. You wanted to.” He’d halfway expected Steve to declare them done, a temporary road fling, had-a-great-time-let-me-call-you-a-cab sort of thing. Maybe a little more than half.

Steve didn’t really seem like that kind of guy, but he also didn’t seem like the kind of guy who could do that thing with his tongue, and Seb had been proven gloriously wrong on that count. And rock stars, well. Seb had heard stories, even met a few groupies.

“And if I wanted to?” Steve wondered. He was scratching at the back of his neck, making his hair stand out even more wildly. He eyed Seb for a long moment, taking in the suck-marks along Seb’s collarbone. “I mean, I know it’s weird, believe me, it’s-- you look like him, but you’re not him. I hope you don’t think I’m confused about that.”

Seb shook his head. He’d seen the way Steve and Bucky looked at each other on the stage, and during interviews and photoshoots and in fan photos. That wasn’t how Steve looked at Seb. “I’ll put my number in your phone,” he promised. “And, hey, I’ll see you tonight, right? Free tickets and a backstage pass.”

“That’s gonna be a little freaky,” Steve said. “Both of you in the same room? Bet we could convince Scott that we’d made cloning a real thing.” Steve got up, stretching and showing off that glorious body. The way he looked back to make sure Seb was watching -- yeah okay. “Join me in the shower? Or do you need to run?”

Seb glanced at the phone and did some quick calculations in his head. “I have some time.” He tossed it over his shoulder onto the pillows and threw the blankets aside to roll to his feet.

Bucky tapped his pencil against his thigh, impatient. Where the hell was Seb? He checked his watch again-- if Seb didn’t show up in the next fifteen minutes, Bucky was going to end up having to take the test for him, and that wasn’t going to end well for anyone.

He’d already said goodbye to Tony that morning. Tony rolled out of bed with a squeak of dismay, having a morning exam.

Finally, Bucky spotted his own signature look; hell, Seb looked better than he did. Probably had Loki fussing over him for days. Bucky ducked into the nearest unoccupied classroom -- there were lots, since exams were scheduled. “Sebastian! Here!”

Seb spotted him and increased his pace. “Hey,” he said, swinging into the room and closing the door behind him. “Sorry I cut it so close. It was kind of hard to tear myself away.” He stripped off Bucky’s leather jacket and draped it over the back of a chair, then pulled the layered shirts over his head all at once. “Here, give me my tee.”

He had a row of bruises along his collarbone. A couple of them showed distinct teethmarks.

“Taking advantage of the rockstar lifestyle?” Bucky asked. He was almost reluctant to part with the tee -- it still smelled like Tony’s cologne. “You have a good time?”

Sebastian blushed, red splotches that started in his cheeks and spread halfway down his chest. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did. You?”

“Yeah, it was--- it was good. Too good, maybe.” He sucked in his gut as he tucked in the shirts. Peggy was going to kill him if he’d put on more than five pounds. But oh, god, it had been nice to eat pizza and ice cream, and sharing popcorn with Tony while they watched stupid movies.

Seb pulled on his own shirt with much less care and grinned as he propped one foot up on a chair to unfasten the boots. “Taking advantage of the hedonistic student lifestyle?” he teased.

The back of his neck heated-- anyone seeing them wouldn’t be able to tell them apart, he imagined. “Yeah. Something like that.” He had beard burn on his thighs, but Seb didn’t need to see that. He’d be short one pair of jeans, and Seb’s wardrobe could use some jazzing up, anyway. Oh, thank god, he’d missed his boots. “Remind me to send you a gift card or something-- you keep doing your Winter Soldier gig in these shitty shoes, you’re going to permanently damage your knees. Jesus, I sound like my mother.”

Seb laughed as he tugged on his sneakers. “You want to finance new shoes for me, be my guest. Shitty cheap shoes are about all I can afford.”

“Consider it a bonus,” Bucky said, lacing up. “I’ll see you tonight for the thing, but-- good luck on your tests, your history prof is kinda a hard-ass.”

“It’s in the bag,” Seb promised. “Shit, I still have to figure out who to bring with me tonight.” He pulled a face. “Everyone’s probably already got plans.”

Bucky made a face. He’s already fucked with Seb’s life enough, the man probably had a prospective, or-- “Bring Tony,” he suggested.

Seb grabbed his bookbag and heaved it up over one shoulder, then raised an eyebrow at Bucky. “Tony, really?” He made a face. “I guess. He’d be over the moon about it, probably.” Seb grinned. “Maybe he’ll do the writeup for our last lab in exchange.”

“The thing with the samples, and crystallization? Yeah, we did it last night,” Bucky said. That wasn’t all they’d done last night, but the actual chem work was probably all that Seb cared about. “Once we got the sample box back from Dum-E.”

“You did it at his place?” Seb’s eyes widened. “Brave of you. I usually make him meet me at the library or something.”

Definitely not the time or place to tell Seb what they’d done in the library stacks. “I like him, he’s funny,” Bucky said with a shrug. “Go, go, you’re gonna be late.” He took Seb’s wallet and phone and put them on the desk to tuck his own possessions back in his pockets.

Seb glanced up at the clock on the wall and yelped. “Right, going now!” He scooped up his stuff and bolted for the door without even pausing to put it away. “See you tonight!”

Bucky stared down at his phone. Steve waved at him from the lock-screen. It had been that picture for years and he hadn’t changed it. The tour would be over soon. Twelve more weeks, forty-one more shows. Ug. He pulled up his call list. “Hey, Luis, can you come get me, I’m over--” He glanced at the building. “By the university, near the quad. Thanks man.”

Bucky shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and headed out the door.

Need to need something-- the last bit of the song fell into place as he slumped across the lawn. There might be time. His thumbs moved over the phone rapidly. “Guys, new song, get your gear together and let’s jam it out, think we might be able to debut it tonight.”

Bucky tucked his phone away, ignoring the multiple buzzes as his band texted back, excited or confused, or just enthusiastic. He looked up into the sky and laughed. Yeah, this had been exactly what he needed.

The concert had been amazing, and only somewhat touched with the melancholy of knowing the band would be gone again tomorrow. Seb had put his number in Steve’s phone, as promised, but hadn’t gotten so much as a “see ya” text. Well, he’d probably been busy getting ready for the show.

Tony, as predicted, had been enthusiastically grateful for the invite, though he’d been a little strange on the subway to the concert hall -- not his usual puppy-like eager-to-please self. Not that he’d been standoffish, just... it seemed like Tony had finally let go of that crush. Which was nice; it felt like Seb could actually breathe properly around the guy now. He wondered what Bucky had said or done to fix that.

And during the concert, when they’d debuted their brand-new song -- first time anywhere, Bucky had told the screaming audience -- Tony had seemed less excited and more... overwhelmed, maybe? Overcome by the song’s sweet longing, maybe a bit more than it really called for. But hey, Seb had never gone to a concert with Tony before; maybe that was just how he was.

By the time the encores had been played and the band had left the stage for the last time, Seb was buzzing with energy and -- he had to admit -- eager to see Steve again. He caught Tony’s eye and nodded toward the stage door, and they started to make their way toward it, backstage passes firmly in hand.

Seb recognized the bodyguard, Luis, who blinked at him, but took the passes. “Come on, right though here, homie, like we gotta check you for weapons an’ stuff, it’s just procedure, you know what it be like, right? My cousin, he--” Luis went through his speech, patting them both down. “All right, come on this way. Tash an’ Scott are in the green room. Soldier’s signing some autographs out back, he should be in soon. There’s beer and food-- do not touch Tash’s cupcakes. She will break your neck.” The way Luis laughed, Seb couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not.

“Where’s Steve?” he couldn’t help asking. He craned his neck, looking around hopefully.

“Gym,” Luis said. “He does that thing, you know, man, when he’s-- thinking?” The bodyguard made a few half-hearted punching motions.

Luis opened the green room door, where Scott was entertaining a laughing Nat by inhaling helium out of the balloons and talking in a squeaky voice.

“Oh, wow--” Nat said, turning in the chair and staring at Seb. “He wasn’t even kidding, was he?”

“Uh.” Seb shoved his hand through his hair. “He told you guys, huh?” He held out a hand. “Sebastian. It’s... it’s just amazing to meet you.” Steve had mostly kept him out of the way of the rest of the band over the last week, lest they figure out the switch, so he was, at least mostly, meeting them for the first time. Sort of.

“Yeah, he said you won a contest,” Nat said. She absently licked icing off the top of her cupcake. “Winter Soldier impersonator. Can’t imagine why anyone would want to be Barnes. Especially not tonight.” She pulled a bottle of vodka out from where she had it tucked between her and the chair. “Drink, boys?”

Scott shook Seb’s hand, several times. “Yeah, you do, you look just like him, this is so cool, so cool, and… I’m shaking your hand too long, sorry, it’s just kinda a mind-fuck, you know, I mean, look at you.” He turned to Tony, still shaking Seb’s hand. “Are you seeing this guy? How does it not-- pooof, just blow your mind?”

Tony laughed good-naturedly. “It kinda did,” he admitted, “but I’ve had a couple of months to get used to it, I guess.” He reached for the offered vodka and took a swig. “What did you mean, not wanting to be Bucky tonight?” he asked Natasha.

“He and Steve are fighting,” Nat said, carelessly. “It will be ugly and long, and we are all, you would say, shoved in a tour bus like sardines for the next two months. I need new headphones.”

Scott finally let go of Seb’s hand. “Happens, when you’re living on top of each other all the time,” Scott said. “So, what’d you think of the new song? Buck was all crazy this afternoon; like he dodged us all week and suddenly he’s back with this amazing song, like, I’m sure I flubbed it-- I am not the best drummer in the world--”

“-- You’re not even the best drummer in the band--” Nat piped up, then laughed as Scott threw a handful of popcorn at her.

“It was good,” Seb said. “I really liked it. Could maybe use a more upbeat bridge, though. I dunno, you guys are the experts. But I’m definitely looking forward to the new album.” He glanced over at Tony, expecting agreement, or maybe an argument about the bridge thing.

Tony was flushing again, and taking another swig of the vodka. “I loved it,” he said softly. “I thought it was perfect.”

Scott started to wax poetic about the song, some of the complicated riff-patterns, because Bucky was obviously some sort of fucking masochist, when the door slammed open, letting in a sweaty Steve Rogers, dressed in form fitting compression shorts, a tank, and his hands taped up for boxing, followed closely by Bucky, who grabbed a handful of Steve’s shirt. “No, you wait-- oh. You’re here.”

Seb’s mouth had gone dry at the sight of Steve dressed like that. “Uh, yes.”

“Seemed pointless to sit around and watch everyone else file out of the hall,” Tony added, cheeky, then bit his lip, looking between Bucky and Steve. “Should we go?”

“Yes-” “-no.” It was hard to tell who had said what, and both Steve and Bucky glared at each other.

“I don’t want to argue in front of--” Steve glanced at Seb, then took in Tony standing there looking stunned. “People who aren’t involved.”

Bucky took a deep breath. “But, uh… he is. Involved, that is.”

“That’s because it was your dumb idea--” Steve burst out, then shut his mouth with a snap.

“What, Steve? What exactly was my dumb idea?” Bucky was right up in Steve’s face. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Scott glanced at Seb. “Do you know what’s going on, because I don’t know what’s going on.”

Nat snorted. “You never know what’s going on.”

“You don’t have to rub it in--”

“You like it when I rub it in,” Nat teased.

Seb lost track of their bickering, because he had a sinking feeling he did know what was going on. “Shit.” Steve had told him that the relationship with Bucky was in name only, just to keep the fans happy for the rest of the tour, but... what if Bucky didn’t quite feel the same way? What if Bucky was mad at Steve because of Seb? “Oh, hell, is this... is this my fault?”

“Why the hell would it be your fault?” Nat asked, and at that, everyone turned around to look at her. “What? He said it, not me.”

Steve made an exasperated face, throwing his hands up. “We-- you-- what the hell did you go and write a love song for? Did you think I wouldn’t know? I--”

“It was for me,” Tony said breathlessly. His eyes were locked on Bucky. “Wasn’t it? I thought I recognized that riff. It was the one you were humming--” He broke off, glancing around as if only just realizing that other people were in the room.

Scott raised his hand. “Can I ask a question?”

Nat rolled her eyes. “You don’t need to raise your hand, Scott. This isn’t second grade.”

“Wait, what?” Steve whirled on Tony. “Who the hell are you?”

Bucky moved, suddenly between Steve and Tony. “Leave him alone, this-- this is between us.”

“What the hell is happening right now?” Seb asked.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to ask!” Scott complained.

Tony glanced back at Seb and gave him a sheepish shrug. “Cat’s out of the bag,” he said. “Might as well tell the whole truth.”

“You knew?” Seb demanded.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Please. Did you think I wouldn’t be able to tell it wasn’t you when you started being so nice?”

That stung. “I’m... I’m nice,” Seb said.

Steve made a thoughtful, humming noise. “I’ll say…”

Nat’s hand went up. “Now I have a question.”

“Please,” Tony scoffed. “You barely tolerated me. I get it, I do, but you weren’t nice. Not until this week.”

“Besides, I told him,” Bucky said. “He was freaking out about it. You forgot to mention that your lab partner was the hottest thing this side of Venus. So, he, uh, he helped cover for me.”

“So, you’re not--” Steve held up one finger “-- not actually falling in love with me?”

“No!” Bucky looked almost offended by that. “I mean--”

“Yes,” Seb said, and when everyone looked at him again, he just smiled and shrugged. “Might as well admit it, right? Since the cat’s out of the bag?” How much vodka had he had?

“I wrote the song for Tony,” Bucky admitted. “I haven’t… I mean. Steve, you and I--”

“It was never going to work,” Steve finished. “Not enough room in the bed for both of our egos, right?”

Bucky snorted. “I’m amazed you can fit in the room with your ego.” He flashed a glance at Seb. “The bruises? I thought I recognized Steve’s teeth marks.”

Seb felt his face getting hot. “You didn’t ask,” he said defensively.

Scott threw himself on the sofa plaintively, “Why is everyone getting laid around here that’s not me?”

Nat sat up a little in the chair. “You have not asked.”

Bucky held out his hand, like he was offering to waltz with Tony. “I don’t know if I can last out the tour,” he admitted. “It’s not hard to pretend when nothing’s real. But I don’t know if I can do it when something… might be.”

Tony took Bucky’s hand and stepped closer, almost crowding into Bucky’s side.

Seb tried to make that make sense in his head. Bucky fucking Barnes and Tony Stark? What even the hell had happened? He swallowed and looked back at Steve. “He might have a point.”

“I wasn’t-- I wasn’t going to worry about it if it was just me,” Steve said, then corrected himself. “Just us. If someone saw me with you-- no one would know. But--”

“Christ, really?” Bucky demanded. “Did you know--”

“What--”

“Did you know, did you know he wasn’t me, when you-- whatever it is you did?”

“I’m not mooning over you, Buck,” Steve said. “I knew it wasn’t you the instant I kissed him. You don’t… you don’t kiss like that. This man could place in an Olympic event for kissing.”

“You know, this is great, this is wonderful, you’re all very cute, and you’re talking it out, getting your feelings out on the table, that’s… that’s really, really great. I approve. And… while I’m stepping all over your moment here, I’m just going to ask you to excuse us, but it seems like you’ve both found someone new, that’s amazing, Darcy’s going to kill all of us, but--” Scott said, putting one arm around Steve’s shoulders and one around Bucky’s. “Now that we’re all done with the bullshit, fake relationship shit, I think I’m going to ask our keyboardist if she’d like to boink like bunnies with me, and we’ll get out of your hair.”

“‘Boink like bunnies’?” Nat’s eyebrows disappeared into her hair. “Really?”

“I mean, obviously when I actually ask you, I’m going to be all suave and romantic,” Scott told her.

She considered him cooly for a moment, then rolled to her feet. “All right.”

“Well,” Bucky said, watching them leave. “That… was unexpected. So… uh. I’m gathering from all this, that-- he… and you-- and me an’ Tony... did this work out for everyone? I think, it did?”

Seb smiled and tucked himself up under Steve’s arm. “Yeah, I think it did.”

Rolling Stone Magazine

No, You’re Not Seeing Double

Winter Soldier front man, Bucky Barnes, and long term partner, Steve Rogers, have broken up-- not the band, but their relationship. But don’t be sad, we have the latest scoop on their new sweethearts, and a story that’s sure to give you faith that… anything could happen. 

[fantroll-purgatory]

Phomet Burzum Review

Alternia

They’re they/them and where one of my original struggles was deciding whether they’re boy or girl, I think I’d rather keep it ambiguous. Not sure if the sprite helpfully evokes that. This is mainly playing into the idea that the Sabbatic goat possesses all sexual characteristics to be ‘both’ at once, and with how Norse Seidhrs (magic practitioners) were generally woman with magic being seen as a womanly thing. Despite this, Odin himself is shown to study and use Seidhr magic, so that’s fun.

I love that they’re nonbinary and tbh you don’t need justification for them to be nonbinary any more than you’d need justification for them to be a boy or girl. (Everyone please send us more nb trolls we have so few and I love them all dearly). I would…caution you about creating a nonbinary character using the reasoning that Baphomet has intersex characteristics, since those two things are neither synonymous nor even really related at all? I mean I love this androgynous kid and will die for them and will pour my heart and soul into the redesign in which I maintain their gender ambiguity but just. Y’know? And there’s still enough reasoning for them to be nb on the basis that subverting gender norms is very much a part of punk culture and that Seidhr does indeed have a murky history in terms of which gender “should” use it so it still holds if you need a narrative reason.

Name: Phomet Burzum

‘Phomet' is from a shortening of ‘Baphomet’ which is the goat-headed figure that has come to represent the Sabbatic Goat, tying to their symbol and minor Satanic themes.

Burzum is the word for ‘darkness’ in Black Speech from The Lord of the Rings series.

God I love that’s he’s a little bit similar to a troll I recently reviewed. Hecate Bafmet and Phomet Burzum: BFFs 4 LYFE (however short Phomet’s may be)! Skulking around in the dark! You’d better watch out, you’d better watch out, *you’d better watch out,* *YOU’D BETTER WATCH OUT*! These two unsavory characters are comiiiing to tooown.

Strife Specibus:Axekind for now mainly as a joke on an ‘axe’ as a guitar slang term. Could instead do ‘guitarkind’ and have it go into axes later a la Rose’s knitting needle kind acting as wands.

Fetch Modus: Cryptogram - Has to spell out words with musical notes. Probably gonna use the French method for simplicity.

Blood color: Rustblood - Blooooood. But no, they’re a rustblood kinda based off a concept I had. With the True Sign of Aries being a Time one, with the social pressures kinda forcing Time as a concept over the rust caste, I’m making a cult based off Death Metal aesthetics rather than juggalos. Some sort of redblood solidarity where they wear corpsepaint. It’s meant to be a kind of mirror to the Juggalo cult, who are mirthful and the highest land caste, whereas this Metalhead cult is more stoic, macabre and comprised of the lowest ladndwelling caste. Dunno.

I do know!!! That’s metal as FUCK. Also I’m DEF adding corpse paint to their sprite!!!

Symbol and meaning:It’s a goat head, referencing the Sabbatic goat.

As with the previous troll I reviewed, it reads well and matches Aries “sign language,” and I’ll see what I assign them after looking at their aspect and moon.

With that said, since I’ve now made a similar comment twice in a row I think it’s worth going back and establishing what exactly does make a sign fit its caste’s language in case anyone wants to do a fan sign beyond the extended zodiac that could still plausibly fit within canon…

Trolltag: Nothing yet, used to be ‘cantankerousGrendel’ but I’m not sure it’d fit them these days.

Given that you’ve worked them into a death cult, how about culminateGeneration? It also works with their Void aspect.

Quirk:They talk lyke thys tü be as BRÜTAL as possyble - They replace ‘I’ and the matching sounds with ‘y’ and replace ‘u’ and matching sounds with ü. This is meant to mimic the trends a lot of metal bands to to their names in order to look cooler.

hjfsdk;l when I said that with the umlauts it honest to god sounds like someone trying to do a goat imitation so PERF. Also brings to mind associations with Brütal Legend so I figure we’re gonna take this WAY over the top.

Special Abilities (if any):They’re a magic practitioner, and regularly communes with mysterious dark entites (Horroterrors) for song advice and inspiration. In return, their resulting music often carries a lot of eldritch effects to it, which Phomet doesn’t mind because it looks so BRUTAL.

Lusus: (I’m proud of this) Pentaram - It’s… a goat head with five spider legs. It’s species doesn’t live long, they can barely move around because they have five fucking legs to support a whole goat head. Not even big ones, they’re just about average. Phomet hates their lusus and thinks it’s completely lame. When it gets sprites and is this not bound to the cruel mistress of gravity, it looks WAY cooler. Mainly based on the Sabbatic goat again, this time with the goat-headed pentagram.

dhgsljk;lafjha;jeg I love them so much. They’re a Parentaram.

Personality: Honestly, this is kinda where I struggle the most. The most I can think of is Nathan Explosion from Metalocalypse. Their voice is a similar growly type.

The character you seem to have created with Phomet is one who is very attracted to the lük of things and not to the substance. I like that for a Void player! Their interests in stuff is initially superficial, ‘empty.’ This sets them up for a very interesting arc in which they will need to actually face up to what they’re doing, the good the bad and the ugly. Dig a little deeper into this theme! You can do a lot with it.

Interests: Magic, music (playing guitar, listening to bands, composing their own stuff, singing), occult studies, looking up brutal and gruesome things online (basically an average troll google), haircare.

Title: Knight of Void - Off the bat, I’m in the 'Knights are passive’ camp and that their class verb is 'Serve’. I often try and approach my Knight characters from different perspectives but they all more or less come to the same thing, so it’s cool.

(ʘ‿ʘ ) You have come to…a blog that does not actually subscribe to that verbiage so my advice from here on out may not apply…

Anyways, their interest and dabbling with dark, esoteric magic is a good link to Void in my opinion. Forbidden, unknowable things that are best left obfuscated. The Horrorterrors are very Void-coded, such as how people can interpret Rose’s Grimdark status as her acting as a Void player, as well as residing in the Furthest ring, furthest from the Light of prospit.

Phomet regularly communes and 'serves’ Horroterrors in the way similar to a Warlock from Dungeons and Dragons serves their patron. What Phomet gets out of this is some kickass riffs and lyrics whilst the HTs just get another emissary or plaything.

I…hm. I mean I think Knight of Void actually does apply here just not for the reasons that you do. Knights tend to be drowning in their aspect, and Phomet is definitely doing so here.  They’re surrounded by secrets and horrorterrors and have almost no understanding of the depth of the forces with which they’ve involved themselves. Ideally, a Knight would grow to eventually wield the very things under which they’re being suffocated.

I’ve not really thought about personality in regards to this classpect, that’s what I’m struggling most with them.

Yeah, if we look at someone like a Dave or a Latula, Knights tend to come off as very superficially cool specifically because they don’t understand that they should be concerned by everything they’re overwhelmed with. I think you’re fine just making Phomet a punk #aesthetic kid like many of us were in middle school and letting them come into their own from there.

Land: Nada

Does this mean you didn’t assign one or that they don’t have one??? Because the latter would be really interesting if you want to give them no choice but to consort with horrorterrors; if they, for example, die before getting in and wake up on their moon after a kiss, they might find that their planet never manifested/was destroyed before they could enter.

Or, if you do ant them to have a planet, how about Land of Metal and Mirrors? It would fit their aesthetic really well and also be a sly dig at their own vanity, with mirrors that show warped reflections or aspects of themself that they don’t like. The way to reach the denizen would be to accept all reflections as true expressions of themself, allowing them to warp between mirrors (including one located at the heart of the planet, inaccesible by any natural means).

Dream Planet: I wanna say Derse, but Prospit would be a nice ironic fate for them.

I think this is a question of what you want to do with them. It’s not as simple as Prospit = nerdy goofballs and Derse = edgy coolkids, though that may be what someone gets if they initially saw the moons to which the kids were assigned. Vriska, one of Homestuck’s most famously murderous and grey-moral characters, is a Prospit player. This is because her character’s focus is on Destiny. She relies heavily on predestination and is all about living up to be the grand hero she knows she’s meant to be. If you want Phomet’s arc to be about breaking free of forces to which they’ve dedicated themself with little understanding, you’d go with Derse (which is my pick, personally, especially because it puts the horrorterrors right in their ear before they even get into the game). If you think that they have a destiny to fulfill (even a dark one like eventually becoming the horrorterrors’ permanent plaything), then you’ll wanna go with Prospit.

So. With A Void assignation and a Derse moon, we get Arittarius, The Sign of The Astronaut. And interesting pick, especially if we go with the concept that they don’t have a personal planet! So let’s move to the redesign!

So. You may have noticed that Phomet has undergone something of a transformation. Let’s go top to bottom on this.

Horns - I gave them a new set of horns to match their new symbol. We already have a troll with this symbol, but I didn’t want to repeat her horns on them and their new pair looks like the tops of eighth notes as a nod to their musical inclinations!

Hair - So the thing about death metal fashion is that the folks in it have great hair, but it’s not necessarily as neat as Phomet’s original style. Their hair also tends to be longer, and chin-length on a Homestuck sprite sometimes translates to ear-length in Hero Mode, so I really wanted to hit the length home. I pulled this straight from a fan-troll sprite sheet, then added some definition at the top. One of the little cowlicks got lost behind their horn, but I wanted there to be five directly surrounding their face to reference the pentagram.

Corpse paint - I pulled the colors directly off Gamzee’s face to further drive home the mirrored implications. I even mirrored Phomet’s own face paint to make it look a little like a Rorschach blot. Finally, I futzed with their mouth makeup until it kind of looked like the silhouette of a goat head?

Eyes - So part of maintaining an androgynous look is to make things a Little Unsure. Did I add eyelash definition to their eyes or did I just make them more diamond shaped?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Who knows. We’ve seen undereye makeup exactly ONCE on a troll but I liked how it made their bags stand out so I applied it over the corpsepaint.

Mouth - Hey :V Did you know goats don’t actually have upper teeth? That’s all just one gum, baby. I found this out while spriting Phomet’s mouth and now I have to live with that information and you do too. They have an underbite now, and just enough lip definition to make you cock your head. Is that lipstick? Are their lips just full?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Vest - I added some pockets to make them more utilitarian

Symbol - t b h this one just looks like a totally plausible variant of the symbol you already gave me.

Belt - It is. A SPIKE BELT.

Boots - constantly use fantrollartroom’s combat boot sprite???? MOI? Yes, yes I do, they have done a better job of spriting combat boots than I ever could and I love combat boots and they’re metal as hell so they get some.

So that concludes our review! Luv this scamp please get them a comb for me.

-TR

[beefybuffybucky]

The Recital

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female!Reader - Avengers x female!Reader

Request: How about reader is a classical musician and has a recital, leading to a bunch of avengers clumsily finding their way to the music hall with Bucky frantically trying to make sure everything goes perfect. Thanks! 😁😁 -Anon

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 2K

A/N: I remember having to do recitals as a kid, and lemme tell ya, those were wild times. Anyways, I’m watching the Black Swan right now and just, sobbing. I really hope I did this request justice, it’s been awhile since I’ve done a recital, let alone played some classical pieces, so, fingers crossed! As always, requests are open, so don’t be afraid to drop me something!

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” You ask Bucky as you walk around the corner of the hallway, going to grab your keys from the counter. “I just don’t think the team would like going, let alone if they would actually be decent,” a light chuckle of mostly disbelief tumbles from your lips.

“Doll, trust me,” Bucky laughs as he stops you, catching you by your shoulders. “It’ll be fine. You’ve been working so hard for this, don’t worry about them.

“But what if they -”

“Hey, no ‘buts’,” He takes a few steps around you, picking up your folder of sheet music from the table next to the door, then hands it to you. “I’m pretty sure I can handle the team. Besides, what’s the worse they can do?”

“We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago,” Bucky groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Steve, can you hurry up!” He calls down the hall.

“I’m almost ready,” a faint, muffled voice carries down the hall.

“Tony, can you please put that down, I don’t need you acting completely stupid at this place,” Bucky sighs as he snatches a bottle of liquor from Tony’s hands.

“Hey, Tin Man, I think I’ll need some to be able to sit through this,” Tony snarks back.

“Yeah? Well, I don’t feel like taking care of an adult toddler tonight. Natasha, please tell me the rest of the team is getting into the cars?”

“Just waiting on you three,” she sighs, wiping her palms on the sides of her long, black dress. Steve finally walks into the room, doing some final adjustments to his tie.

“How do I look?” Steve smiles, throwing his arms out to his sides.

“Fantastic, Stevie, now we have to get moving. Recital, remember?”

“Calm down, old man,” Tony groans as he pushes himself up from the couch. He buttons his tuxedo as he walks over to Natasha and greets her with a light kiss on her cheek. “Well don’t you look amazing.”

“Thanks, Tony,” she smiles. Grabbing his elbow, she leads him down the hall towards the doors where the cars are waiting outside. A few minutes later, the cars start to leave the compound.

“We should be there with five minutes to spare,” Bucky mutters, checking his phone. He hesitates before sliding it back into his pocket.

“You’re going to do great. I love you,” he quickly texts. He sighs, then puts his phone away.

This night might just be the death of me.

The auditorium was packed. Soft lights shining on the stage reflected off the heads of the sea of people waiting to see your performance. Bucky led the team down an aisle to the sixth row of seats, which had been reserved for them. He stops and turns to face them.

“Alright,” he says sternly, holding out an arm towards the seats. “Start filling in, kids.”

“Why don’t you go first?” Wanda questions, blinking.

“Because,” Bucky sighs, throwing his head back. “I need to sit in the middle to make sure everyone behaves. Tony and Steve,” he points two fingers in their directions, “you two are sitting by me.”

“But Mom,” Tony rolls his eyes as he sighs exasperatedly.

“I don’t wanna hear it,” Bucky raises his eyebrows at him, then motions for Wanda to start moving to their seats. She’s followed by Vision, then Tony. Bucky trails Tony as Steve and Clint, and Natasha file in after.

“If you need me, I’ll be taking a nap,” Clint slouches far down into his seat, putting his arms behind his head.

“I don’t think so, bud,” Bucky leans over Steve and lightly slaps the side of Clint’s leg with the back of his hand. “Y/N’s worked so much for this performance, I think she deserves some respect.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s not like I haven’t heard her practicing every day on the piano for the past, like, year,” he whines.

“He has a good point,” Tony chimes in, leaning forward in his seat. “We’ve heard the song she’s going to play almost a billion times.”

“No, you haven’t,” Bucky informs them coldly. “She usually practices Liebestraum No. 3, this one is Piano Sonata No. 14,” he reads from the crumpled program in his hands. “Which, honestly...I’m not really too sure what the difference is, but, they’re different.”

“You mean Moonlight Sonata?” Tony sarcastically tilts his head. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.”

“Ya know, I should’ve let you drink. Maybe you’d be less of an ass,” Bucky snaps back.

“Okay, guys, calm down,” Steve intervenes. The lights in the theater dim, signaling the show about to begin. Bucky settles back into his seat, exhaling deeply. His eyes are glued to the stage, ignoring Tony’s quiet bickering beside him. His breath hitches as he watches you graciously float across the stage, your long, white dress trailing behind you. The crowd claps as you turn to face them, bowing slowly in front of the piano bench. You take a seat, adjusting the fabric of your dress before lightly placing your fingers over the piano keys. The roaring clapping dies down, and a light, electric silence hangs in the air.

You take a deep, steadying breath as you begin pressing down on the keys. Bucky painfully snaps his attention away from the stage as the delicate sounds of the piano cut through the air to see the rest of the team in awe, completely mesmerized by your vaguely hunched over figure. As the song intensifies, so do your movements. The powerful music arches and falls as the intensity grows exponentially and then crumbles to a soft, barely there sound. This continuous pattern encaptures the attention of all the audience. While this amount of attention would’ve normally made you insanely uncomfortable, the thrill of losing yourself in the notes and patterns of the song overrides your senses. It feels like time is flying by but stopping at the exact same time. After a few sensational minutes, the crowd had faded away, leaving only you and the gleaming, smooth keys beneath your fingertips.

As the first movement comes to an end, Bucky takes a breath. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Steve move his hands to clap. Bucky quickly reaches over with his right hand, clasping it over Steve’s.

“She’s not done,” he hisses quietly through his teeth without looking at Steve.

Bucky studies your fingers as they move faster than lightning, pounding into the keys harder than before to produce an intense, incredibly powerful melody of notes.

“Holy shit,” Tony silently gasps. A smirk creeps up Bucky’s face.

The rest of the movement goes on like this - Steve and Tony making small side comments in surprise at your talented, tasteful performance and you working harder than you ever had before to produce beautiful, exceptional music. The end of the second movement is quickly approaching, and a light sweat breaks out on your forehead as you focus even harder on not tripping up and hitting a wrong note, possibly sending the rest of the performance into a never-ending spiral of disaster. The third movement flies by, and as you reach the last stretch of the work, an overwhelming feeling of excitement and pride floods over you.

You hit the last few notes into the piano hard, then sit with your hands in your lap, lightly panting. You push away from the piano and walk to the edge of the stage as a deafening roar of cheering and clapping fills your ears. You look out into the crowd, then take a bow. When you stand up again, you see Bucky standing in the midst of the large sea of seated people. The rest of the team follows, mouthing whoops and hollers that you can’t hear above the roar of everything else. You bring your hands to your lips, blowing out a kiss to the crowd while you laugh. Your eyes connect with Bucky’s and his lips form a quiet “I love you”.

Your lip quivers as your emotions hit an all time high, then bow one final time.

You push through the backstage doors and into the lobby, searching for Bucky. It was warm in the main room as the heat of a mass of bodies suffocates the air. It doesn’t help that you have a thick coat and your bag on, but you push on through the groups of people in search of the team. You spot Bucky across the room on the steps leading to the mezzanines. He looks around the room then drops his gaze back to the single rose in his hands.

“Bucky!” Your voice is drowned-out by the loud, constant chatter floating through the air around you. You shove through people faster, finally catching a break in the flow of people leaving the building. Bucky lifts his head, making eye contact with you. A large, genuine smile spreads across his face as he walks down the few steps, pushing his way towards the small clearing.

“Hey, doll,” he beams as he shoves past the last two people. “You were so amaz-”

You launch towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you crash your lips against his. He takes a second to react, but eventually leans into your touch, putting his hands gently on his hips. You pull away when you can’t breathe anymore.

“Thank you...so much,” you breathe, pulling him into an even tighter hug. His arms wrap around you as he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck.

“No need to thank me,” he hums into your ear. He pulls away smiling, holding your elbows. “The team’s waiting outside to catch a late dinner.”

“Well,” you smile back. “Let’s get goin’ then.” You grab hold of Bucky’s hand as you intertwine your fingers with his. As you step outside the old, golden doors, a gust of cool wind dances through your hair. The Avengers standing by the side of the road has already gained much attention from members of the audience that are leaving as well as other passer-bys. Steve was taking a picture with a teenage boy, and after he hands back his phone, he looks up and spies you with Bucky at the top of the steps leading to the building. He smiles and breaks away, which catches the attention of some of the other team members, and jogs up the stairs, pulling you into a tight hug.

“You were amazing, Y/N,” Steve cheers joyfully in your ear. He pulls back, still gripping your shoulders. “I’m so proud of you.”

“That was fantastic, kid,” Clint pats your back.

“It was so beautiful!” Natasha exclaims as she kisses your cheek and gives you a quick hug.

As the rest of the team congratulates you, you thank everyone, then realize that Bucky had moved out of the way. He’s leaning against the railing a few feet away from the group. He smiles at you and winks. You chuckle and suggest that the team heads out for dinner, then linger behind as they walk down the steps talking amongst each other. Bucky walks back over to you and hands you the rose you saw earlier.

“Congratulations, darling,” he mutters softly, taking your hand in his.

“I love you, Bucky,” you lean up and press a light peck to his lips.

“I love you, too, Y/N,” he hums, smiling one of the purest smiles you’ll ever see in your life.

Tags: @buckyisloved @awinterloveuniverse @isaxhorror @hollycornish @dcandmarvelimagines @bexboo616 @superwholockian5ever @queendarkmuffin @theraputicwritings @asouthsideserpent @captainfbffangirl99

[90simaginesandfanfics]

Loved the imagine!! If you have time you should do another one, but this time can you make like fluffy smut?? With 94 Eddie? maybe based on the song elderly woman behind the counter in a small town, they have known each other but got separate ways, she is in another band. Idk. Thank you for your time xox

I hope this is alright and what you were looking for ❤*****Everything was so familiar and it was starting to get to you. It had been several years since you'd been to San Diego, and a part of you hated the fact that you were back, especially because of the reason you were back. But the other part of you couldn't help but feel hopeful about the whole situation. You had been playing bass in the band Heresy for just over six months now. Even though you hadn't been the original bass player, you had been welcomed with open arms by all the fans, and it was amazing. The band was doing so well, that you had managed to score a gig opening up for Pearl Jam on the west coast leg of their tour. However, while the rest of the band were ecstatic, you couldn't help but feel a pain in your gut whenever you thought about it. One thing that you hadn't disclosed to your band members was the fact that you and the lead singer knew each other. You had met Eddie in the fall of 84', when you were working at a hotel in downtown San Diego, and he started working as a security guard on the night shift. After weeks of flirting over midnight coffee, he asked you out, and you soon started dating. You fell in love and became obsessed with each other. Those years with him were what you considered to be the best of your life. You were so happy, you thought nothing could bring you down, but it did. You started arguing all the time. He became jealous and distant, you became overbearing and needy. Everything started to break down around you. After 3 years of being together, you had decided it was finally over, and it was one of the worst periods of your life. You still saw Eddie from time to time, but you would both ignore each other, only making it hurt worse. You'd heard he'd moved to Seattle to be in some band, and when that band ended up becoming the biggest thing in music, it became hard for you to ignore. You had never really gotten over him, and you were dreading this tour. You had no idea if he knew that you were even part of the band. You had convinced yourself that he couldn't possibly know, why would he allow for Heresy to open for Pearl Jam if he knew he would have to go on tour with you? He probably wouldn't even recognise you anymore. You stepped off the bus as you and your band mates made your way to the arena. You got backstage and set up in the dressing room you had been assigned. You decided to stay there until sound check, and then come back and stay there again until the show. Once sound check rolled around, you grabbed your bass and headed to the front of the stadium, and onto the stage. There were several sound engineers below the stage, figuring out how your set was going to go. You went through some rehearsal songs, with you closing your eyes and focusing solely on the music. However, after another song, you opened your eyes and decided to turn towards the arena. Your eyes, however, fell to someone who was sitting in one of the front row chairs, just behind the sound crew. Your breath hitched, and you missed a note, but quickly recovered as if nothing had ever happened. Why would he just be sitting there watching? You silently scolded yourself. You knew you were going to have to come in contact with him sooner or later, you just didn't anticipate it was going to have so much of an effect on you. After the sound check finished, you put your bass away, and helped pack up all of your equipment."You played good." You tensed as you felt his presence come up behind you, his voice sending shivers up your spine. You turned around to face him. His hair was so much shorter than when you had been together, resting just above his shoulders now. His face was still as perfect as ever, but the frown lines that rested between his brow were more prominent than they had been. You wished he looked terrible, so you wouldn't feel as inferior, but he looked perfect like usual."Thanks." You said bluntly, and pushed your way around him, making your way back to your dressing room. Until a hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you back. You faced him again."Let. Go." You said in staccato, trying to intimidate him, even though you actually felt like bursting into tears. His eyes burned into yours, almost begging you to let him talk."Look, I know you probably hate me, but can't we just get along for the tour?" He asked, the look in his eyes, yearning for you to say yes. You laughed internally. It pained you to admit, but you were still hopelessly in love with him, and here he is, saying that you probably hate him. You looked him in the eyes, and suddenly felt the need to cry hysterically. There was so much warmth and familiarity in his eyes, it made you feel like home. You looked down to the floor, and turned around, rushing back to your dressing room, and leaving him alone on the stage.Later than night, you bounded off the stage as you finished your set. The audience had been incredible and the night was one of the best of your life. You rushed down the stairs towards backstage, where all the crew were giving the band members high fives. As you were making your way down the corridor, you noticed the members of Pearl Jam making their way in the opposite direction, towards the stage to start their concert off. You were about to pass Eddie, when he grabbed your wrist again and forced you to look at him."Please don't ignore me, you know I hate that." He said in a soft tone. You scoffed, finding it funny how he talked to you like you were still together."You're gonna miss your show Ed." you said in return, gesturing towards the stadium full of fans. He looked back, and then turned to you with a resigned look on his face. You walked away from him again, for a second time in one day, leaving him feeling dejected."So, uh, this is a song I wrote a while ago. You may have heard it on the second record.." For some reason you had decided to torture yourself and sit next to the stage while Pearl Jam performed. You guess you're a masochist or something. So here you were, watching Eddie speak to the audience. "...and, uh, I kinda wrote it to be nostalgic. But I also wrote it about a certain situation, which I never thought would happen, but happened today actually. So, here goes." You sat back and tried to get rid of the haunting feeling you suddenly felt. Then he began singing."I seem to recognise your face..." "Memories, like fingerprints, are slowly raising...""I just want to scream hello. My god it's been so long, never dreamed you'd return...""Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away."By the time he finished the song, he had turned to you, and you were both making intense eye contact. You looked away first and left the side of the stage, running to your dressing room. You were so overwhelmed with emotion, you didn't know what to do. You sat on the sofa and cried silently, grieving for a relationship that you wish you had back. After another hour or so, you had calmed down. You were about to fall asleep, when a knock sounded at your door."Come in." You said, quickly drying away any tears. The door opened to reveal the one person who'd caused you both the most love and the most pain in your life. Eddie walked over towards you and sat on the couch next to you."I'm sorry if I upset you up there. I didn't really know how to act, and I just wanted to get my feelings out the best way I could." You looked up at him, and his perfect face. He stared back and slowly leaned down, pressing a small kiss on your lips."I never stopped loving you, you know that?" He said. You felt tears well up in your eyes as you thought of everything you had been through. You felt like any minute now, you were going to wake up, realising that this was all a dream."I never did either." You replied. He suddenly took you into his arms and kissed you passionately. You returned his kiss with just as much ferocity. He pulled away."You don't even know how long I've dreamed about this for. It doesn't even seem real." "Eddie, I never want to leave again." You said, as you both started to take each other's clothes off sensually. "I'm never gonna let that happen baby." You fell onto the couch, with him on top of you. He gently pushed into you, making you feel pleasure you hadn't experienced since you'd broke up. You gasped at the familiarity of it. He moaned lowly and began slowly pushing into you, again and again, making pressure build in your core. As you got closer, you kissed his neck and sucked just below his jaw. You both came, moaning out your releases. Afterwards, you held each other close, like the other would disappear if you didn't cling into them. You both knew it was going to be a lot of hard work, and nothing was just going to be magically fixed, but you knew that life without Eddie, simply wasn't worth it.*****Hope you like it 💗 It's super late, but this week has been more hectic than usual. I would really appreciate some feedback as well. Be sure to send me some more requests if you want any, as they are so much fun to write 💗