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justanobsessedfangirl · 4 years ago

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Harry Potter Preferences - Marauders Era - How He Asks You Out

Request from Anonymous: Can you do a Maradaurs preference, you can choose the topic just something cute and fluffy

Author’s Note: I wasn’t sure whether to include Peter Pettigrew or not. Obviously, he’s an awful person, but I think it could be interesting to explore his character when he was younger and more innocent. I also debated about adding Severus Snape. In the end, I didn’t add either of them. If someone would like another part including Peter and Severus, I’d be happy to write that! And if you guys have any other opinions and/or requests, I’d love to know!

Masterlist

Sirius Black

An angry bird was pecking your shoulder.

You were in Transfiguration, wand in hand, the clawed goblet in front of you halfway turned into a dove. To your right sat your best friend, her cup even less birdlike than your own, and to your left was a gray goose with a sharp beak.

It pecked you again.

“Would you stop that?” you huffed, shooting the bird a glare. You refused to look at the table of Gryffindor boys across the room, even though you could hear them snickering.

The goose looked up at you. Its beady black eyes matched your intensity. Its orange beak gaped open and it let out a loud honk as its wings spread, beating the air. Honking even louder, it sprung off the desk and flew toward your face.

Just before it bit you, it froze in midair. Professor McGonagall’s stern voice rose in place of the honking. “Mr. Black. Please do a better job of controlling your work.” With a flick of her wand, Professor McGonagall sent the goose whizzing to Sirius Black’s table.

He was surrounded by his friends, smirking. “Sorry Professor. I got distracted.” He looked at you, gray eyes bright with amusement. The goose sat in his lap.

You frowned, even though your heart beat a little faster at getting his attention. Ignoring those feelings, you sniffed and looked away. “You’re supposed to be making a dove, you git,” you muttered, making your friend giggle.

“I hope the rest of you are doing a better job of staying focused. There will be a test next class. I expect all of you to do well.” Papers rustled as the class began packing up. Over the swell of students chatting and laughing and gossiping, Professor McGonagall said, “Your only homework is to study.”

You scoffed internally. Fat chance of that with a trip to Hogsmeade this weekend. Before you let your thoughts drift too much, visions of chocolate frogs and sugar quills and fresh butterbeer already dancing through your mind, you raised your wand, said the spell, and tapped your goblet once more.

Metal morphed into feathers. The long stem split in two, forming short pink feet. Farther up, the cup rounded into a proud chest, the upper portion growing, growing, growing into a small head. In seconds, an adult dove stood in front of you.

Giddy joy brought a smile to your face.

“Wow! Nice work, Y/N!” your friend said.

“Yeah, that was pretty good,” said a different voice.

Slowly, you took your eyes off your dove, which was preening its feathers, and found Sirius Black. He was smiling, but when wasn’t he? He always looked like he was in on a joke you weren’t.

“Maybe you could give me some tips? Say...at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow?”

You had to fight to keep your jaw from dropping. Your heart was beating uncontrollably and your tongue had dried up. Your palms hadn’t, so you discreetly dried them on your skirt while you tried to think of something, anything, to say. As if to prompt you to answer, your friend nudged you on the back.

“I don’t know if that’s the best environment to study,” you heard yourself say.

Idiot! What were you doing? Of course you wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks with him!

But what if this wasn’t real? What if this was another one of his jokes, one of the pranks that he and James and Remus and Peter always pulled?

“I’m sure we can figure it out.” Sirius shifted and you finally realized he was still holding his goose. He set it on your desk. The gray beast (you wouldn’t forget that sharp beak of its for a long time) waddled to your dove. The two birds stared each other down. After a second, the goose took a step forward. The dove allowed it. It moved closer. The dove tensed, tucking its wings in tight, then sat. The goose joined it. Both eyed the other warily.

You looked back at Sirius. “Okay,” you said. “I’ll see you at the Three Broomsticks. Tomorrow.” And I’ll figure out what game you’re playing, you thought.

Sirius smiled. “Perfect.”

Remus Lupin

The Gryffindor common room was quiet at such a late hour. The house-elves had come and gone, silently cleaning around your piles of books and parchment and quills. You yearned for your bed, but instead of calling it a night, you rubbed your bleary eyes and continued working on your partner project alone.

“Lazy Slytherin,” you mumbled. “Knows I can’t afford a bad grade.” You crossed out a line in your essay about how Laverne de Montmorency had invented numerous different love potions in the 1800s - you’d already written about it in the fourth paragraph, using slightly different wording. You reread the fourth paragraph, decided you didn’t like the sentence there either, and promptly crossed it out. In a margin in the second paragraph, you added the detail back in, creating the third iteration of the same fact and the same words in a mostly new order. “Thinks he’s too good to work on a project,” you continued grumbling.

With a heavy sigh, you dropped your quill and leaned back in your chair. Maybe I could just...your eyes fluttered closed. Moments later, they shot back open as a weight was draped across you.

“What-”

“Sorry!”

You looked down at the blanket that now covered your legs, then up at Remus Lupin, who stood over you with red cheeks and upraised hands.

He continued, “I didn’t mean to wake you. I thought you might want a blanket.”

It took you a second to remember how to form words. It felt like you’d left all of them on the parchment, and now that you were face to face with Remus, who hopefully hadn’t just seen you drooling, you were struck mute. “Thanks,” you managed to say.

Remus rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Um, are you working on the Potions project?” He shook his head. “That was a stupid question, of course you are.” He gestured to the table, where your Potions textbook was wide open to the section on Amortentia. “How has your partnership been going?”

You shook your head. “Awful.” With that reminder, you picked up your quill, dipped it in ink, and scrawled another sentence about the most powerful love potion in the world.

Remus eased into the seat next to you. He smelled familiar, like warmth and the woods and the Amortentia Professor Slughorn had shown the class yesterday. You squeezed your quill tighter to try to get rid of that memory and make your blush go away, but you didn’t think it was working.

“Maybe...I mean, if your partner isn’t helping...I would be happy to...We could work together in the library tomorrow?”

Your quill stopped mid-stroke. If your blush had faded at all, it was back now with a vengeance. You glanced up and saw Remus staring intently at the table, his ears tinged pink.

“Yes!” you blurted. His head shot up, a smile growing on his lips. You cleared your throat and said, more calmly, “Yes, that would be very helpful. And kind. Thank you, Remus.”

“I’m happy to help, Y/N.”

Your heart fluttered as he smiled sweetly at you.

Neither of you spoke for a second until you heard a crash from behind you. You spun around. Tumbling down the stairs to the boys’ dormitory were James and Sirius. Peter Pettigrew followed behind on foot, wearing a sheepish look. Next to you, Remus groaned and covered his face.

“Well,” said Sirius, struggling to untangle himself from James. “Did you finally ask her out?”

James Potter

The rain was coming down hard, making it difficult to see even your teammates, much less the glimmering gold of the Snitch. You wrapped your hands tighter around your broom and squinted. From this height, you could see the entire Quidditch pitch. In the stands were swaths of blue and bronze, your fellow Ravenclaws out in the bitter cold to support you. The other half of the bleachers were filled with people clad in scarlet and gold.

You scanned the air for the Gryffindor seeker, James Potter. Through fog and rain and hail you managed to catch a glimpse of him circling the Ravenclaw goal posts. Then, in a split second, he took off, barreling toward the far side of the pitch.

Without a second thought, you pointed your broom nearly straight down and zoomed after him. As you shot through the rain, the cheering grew louder and louder. You couldn’t make out any words. You didn’t care to, anyways. What you wanted was to get that Snitch before James Potter.

Losing would sting. But losing to him? That would kill.

You leaned forward, hoping to make your broom speed up. The wood vibrated under your hands. You felt the magic coursing through it. You gritted your teeth and pushed it faster.

James wove between the stands, swooping low and making Ravenclaws duck. He didn’t seem to be following anything, and for a moment you worried that you should have stayed up higher, surveying.

But then you saw a flash of gold. The Snitch hovered mere feet off the ground at the center of the pitch. You darted for it. James pulled up from a dive and went after it too, coming at it from the other side.

He was closer. You were faster. The Snitch flitted to the side. You adjusted with ease. It climbed; you climbed; James climbed. It dropped; you dropped; James dropped. It was running out of space to maneuver as the two of you closed in.

You gritted your teeth, wind whipping at your hair. The rain meant nothing, even as small drops pricked at your face like needles.

You would win. You were going to win. You were almost close enough to stretch out your hand. James was close too. He reached out a hand, you reached out a hand, one of you had to fly up or to the side to save you from a collision, but it wasn’t going to be you because you felt the flutter of wings brush against your fingers. The Snitch was there, golden and beautiful, and behind it was James, his hazel eyes focused and determined. You felt cold metal under your fingertips, you felt the Snitch, you felt James’s hand, you felt your bodies crash into each other, you felt the ground underneath you, and then you were rolling and tumbling along the pitch, limbs twisted with James’s.

The two of you came to a stop in the wet grass. One of his legs was across your stomach, and your left arm was flung over his chest. Your ribs pierced your sides with every inhale. Your head pounded. Your face felt warm with blood until the rain set to washing it away.

James groaned. You were so close that it was audible over the fans screaming and a professor yelling orders.

“Could you move your arm?” he asked through gritted teeth.

You tried and piercing pain raced from shoulder to fingertips. Biting back a squeal, you said, “Uh, no, I don’t think I can.”

“At least close your hand so I don’t have to see it,” he grumbled.

Your fingers twitched. You felt metal slick with rain. Delicate wings fluttered against your palm. You were holding the Golden Snitch. Ravenclaw had won.

Despite the pain, you grinned. You even let out a quiet cheer.

Beside you, James groaned again, this time out of annoyance. “Just wait until the rematch.”

“I’ll gladly beat you again, Potter.”

Other voices grew louder as professors made their way across the pitch.

“I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other in the hospital wing,” James said.

Your nose throbbed. Stars danced across your vision, falling with the rain. “Probably.”

“So it’s a date, then?”

A surprised laugh left your lips. “What?”

“I’ll pick you up in around, oh, 20 minutes or so? We can share a treacle tart after Madam Pomfrey fixes your nose.”

Professor McGonagall arrived, wand in hand, and you felt your body start to float, coming to a hover a couple of feet off the ground. Turning your head to look down at James was painful, but seeing the earnest, hopeful look in his eyes was worth it. He had the hint of a devilish grin on his face.

“Ok,” you said. “But next time you ask me out, don’t feel like you have to crash into me.”

His smile grew. “Sorry, I just couldn’t help falling for you.”

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snappedsky · 4 years ago

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Fanatics 82

The Battalion help someone with a ghost problem.

*Links to previous and next chapters in reblog*

Ghost Hunters

Colton walks down the crowded halls of his school. He keeps his head down and his eyes clued to his phone, trying to stay out of everyone’s way.

When he reaches his locker, he opens it to find a folded piece of paper fluttering out of the door. He picks it up, looks around curiously, and unfolds it.

‘Meet me in the math room after school’

Colton stares at it questionably, constantly rereading it. It doesn’t say who it’s from. School ends after just one more period. Should he go?

After school, he ends up going. The classroom is empty and dark, except for one person sitting near the window. She stands up as Colton enters.

“Cassandra?” he questions.

Cassandra Keaton is the most popular girl in Colton’s class and in the three years they’ve been classmates, she has never once acknowledged his presence.

“Oh man, am I about to be punked?” Colton asks, backing away fearfully. “Is a bucket of pig’s blood about to fall on me?”

“No,” Cassandra snaps, “listen, I need your help.”

“Then why did you leave that note? Why meet me after school?”

“Because I don’t want anyone to know about this,” she explains, “look, you talk about your friends who fight ghosts all the time. I need their help. I’m being haunted.”

“For real?” Colton asks suspiciously. “How do I know this isn’t just some elaborate scheme to humiliate me?”

“It’s true!” she barks and grabs her phone. “Look, I have proof.”

She shows him a video she recorded. It’s of her kitchen. Everything seems quiet at first but she’s clearly trembling as she peeks around the corner. Then a mug flies off the counter seemingly by itself and smashes into the wall next to her.

“Did you see that?” Cassandra questions frantically, “that’s not the first time that’s happened either! There’s a ghost in my house and it’s been trying to kill me and my parents!”

“Okay, that was kinda creepy,” Colton admits, “even though it could still be a fake video.”

Cassandra growls at him.

“Alright, alright, I’ll believe you,” he relents, “but…look, I’ll introduce you to my friend, Squee, but I can’t guarantee he’ll help you. He’s been having a…rough time lately.”

“Just let me talk to him,” she insists, “I’ll convince him.” “Fine,” Colton sighs, “we can walk there together.”

“No,” Cassandra snaps, “I can’t risk us being seen together. I’ll meet you at your house later. Where do you live again?”

“Grave Road.”

“Oh. Right…”

“Not all the rumours are true.”

“Fine, whatever,” Cassandra sighs, “I’ll meet you there in an hour. Now wait ten minutes for me to leave the school before you leave.” “Alright,” Colton grunts.

She leaves without another word and Colton leans against the wall to wait for his turn to leave.

“The things I do for a pretty face,” he sighs.

Later, Colton waits outside his house for Cassandra. She shows up right on time, eyeing the surrounding houses warily as she approaches him.

“People say all these houses belong to serial killers,” she says fearfully.

“They aren’t…entirely wrong…,” Colton murmurs then clears his throat. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to Squee.”

They cross the yards to the neighboring house and Colton knocks on the door. Squee answers after a couple seconds. He looks tired. He blinks with surprise at Cassandra.

“Hey, Squee,” Colton says, “this is my classmate, Cassandra. She uh needs your help.”

“My house is haunted,” she explains, “and Colton says you fight ghosts. I need you to get rid of it.”

“Uh,” Squee croaks, speechless before clearing his throat. “One second please.” He grabs Colton’s shirt and yanks him into the house, slamming the door shut behind him.

“You talk about me at school?” Squee questions.

“Sometimes,” Colton shrugs.

“Could you not?”

“Look, if you don’t wanna help her, you don’t have to,” Colton says, “all I said is that I would introduce you. Besides, it could all be a fake trick.” “You think so?” Squee questions.

“I don’t know,” he admits.

“Okay, well, I really don’t wanna help her.” “Then don’t.”

Squee opens the door, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Look, Cassandra. Uh, I’m sorry about your…predicament. And I don’t know what kind of stories Colton tells at school, but I don’t fight ghosts. In fact, I actively try to avoid them.”

“So all of Colton’s stories were lies?” Cassandra questions, “you didn’t battle a poltergeist in the graveyard?”

“No, we did do that,” Squee admits.

“Or fight a bunch of demons with water guns full of holy water?”

“We did that too…”

“Or trap a bunch of powerful poltergeists in a notebook?”

“That’s also true…b-but I only did those things because I had to.”

“So you only look out for yourself,” Cassandra snorts.

“Exactly,” Squee nods.

“Please,” she begs as she grabs his hands, sending a tremendous shiver up his spine. “I can’t take this anymore. This ghost is trying to kill me and my parents. How can you, in good conscience, make me go back to that house without even trying to help me?”

“Well…I don’t really know you…” he mutters.

“Please,” she says again, “you’re my only hope.” Squee groans and hangs his head. “Fine. I guess Dib wouldn’t be very happy if I said no. Now, please release my hands.” She lets him go and he wipes his hands on his shirt. “Alright, I’ll call up my friends. Just give me your house address and we’ll see you there later.”

Thank you,” Cassandra squeals. She quickly writes her address on a piece of paper before leaving.

“Are you sure about this?” Colton asks.

“No,” Squee sighs, “but I guess we can at least check it out.”

He sends a text in the Battalion group chat about the situation. Everyone agrees to drive to Cassandra’s house together in the Epic.

Cassandra answers the door quickly when they arrive, looking a bit more frazzled than when she met with Squee less than an hour ago.

“Good evening,” Dib says jovially, “I’m Dib. This is Zim, Gaz, Tak, and Pepito, and you’ve already met Squee. We’re the Battalion.”

“Right…” Cassandra replies with uncertainty.

“You did the right thing in asking us for help with your ghost problem,” he continues, “we are old hands with this kind of thing. Squee and Pepito are both powerful clairvoyants and I am an expert at all things supernatural.”

“What about those three?” she questions, nodding to Zim, Tak, and Gaz.

“We’re pretty much the muscle,” Gaz replies.

“Alright,” Cassandra grunts and holds open her door. “Come inside.”

As they enter, Dib turns on a voice recorder. “We are now entering the subject’s house.”

“You’re recording this?” Pepito questions incredulously.

“Of course!” he replies excitedly, “this is the first time a stranger has ever asked us for help. I have to document it.”

“Now.” Dib clears his throat and faces Cassandra. “Please state your name for the record.”

“Uh Cassandra Keaton,” she replies.

“When did this ghost start bothering you, Cassandra?”

“About a week ago.”

“And do you know why?”

“Um…no. It just randomly showed up.”

“That’s odd,” Dib muses, “most spirits don’t lash out unless antagonized. Can you describe how it started and how it’s escalated?”

“Well, at first it was just like footsteps in the hall or something,” Cassandra explains, “creepy but harmless. And then it turned into loud banging. And now it throws stuff around, sometimes right for me or my parents.”

“Speaking of which, where are your parents now?” Dib asks.

“They’re both still at work.”

“Good, they won’t be in our way.”

“Dib, can we hurry this up please,” Squee demands.

“Oh, sure,” Dib nods, “go ahead.”

“Okay, let’s get this over with so I can go home,” he grumbles as he and Pepito progress deeper into the house.

“Wait, what’s the plan?” Cassandra asks.

“Like I said, Squee and Pepito are both clairvoyants,” Dib explains, “they can see and communicate with spirits. So they’re gonna find your spirit and try to convince it to either leave or live here peacefully. Should that fail, we’ll have to resort to more…forceful means.”

“You mean you can kill it?”

“Well, ghosts are already dead, but in a sense, yes.”

“Then why don’t you?” Cassandra demands.

“I have to agree with the annoying human on this one,” Zim says.

“Look, if we can settle this peacefully, then it’s better to do so,” Dib insists.

“But I don’t want a ghost in my house, peaceful or not,” Cassandra snaps.

“Why not?” Gaz questions, “it’d just be like having an invisible roommate.”

“Because it’s my house!”

“For all you know, the ghost was here first,” Dib points out, “which would make you the interloper.”

Cassandra scoffs, insulted.

Meanwhile, Pepito and Squee explore the house, on the lookout for the ghost.

“It’s quiet,” Pepito observes.

“Yeah,” Squee agrees, “maybe Colton was right and she is lying.”

“The others wouldn’t be happy about that.” They peek into what must be the parents’ bedroom. They barely catch a glimpse of a figure crouching in the middle of the floor when a picture frame flies at them. They duck out of the way, standing on either side of the doorframe.

“I think we found our ghost,” Pepito says.

“Uh huh,” Squee nods.

“Hey!” Pepito calls out, waving his hand in the doorway. “We come in peace. We just wanna talk.”

“It…hurts…” a pained voice replies.

The boys look into the bedroom. They see the ghost curled up in the middle of the floor, doubled over and gripping his head. A misty aura is swirling around him somewhat gently but every couple seconds it seems to get agitated. The ghost peeks at them through his arm.

“I’m Squee, this is Pepito,” Squee says as they cautiously approach. “What’s your name?”

“Leonardo,” the ghost replies.

“Why are you here, Leonardo?” Pepito asks.

“I was called here.”

“Called?” Squee questions.

“Yes,” Leonardo croaks. He’s clearly in great pain and the aura around him is getting more agitated. “That girl and her friends called to me. So I went to them. Now I can’t leave.”

Pepito and Squee look at each other in surprise and confusion.

Back downstairs, the rest of the Battalion and Cassandra have moved to the living room. Zim, Tak, Dib, and Gaz are sitting patiently, but Cassandra hasn’t stopped pacing.

“What’s taking so long?” she asks.

“Pepito and Squee have likely found the ghost and are talking to it,” Dib replies.

“Oh, great,” she scoffs, “I’m glad they can have a nice conversation with the thing that’s been trying to kill me all week.”

“I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation,” he says reassuringly, “most spirits are harmless. Unless it’s devolving into a poltergeist. But that only happens to spirits under great distress.”

They suddenly hear rapid footsteps coming down the hall before Pepito and Squee slide into the doorway, looking furious.

“You lied!” Pepito barks, pointing accusingly at Cassandra.

“Wh-what?” she questions.

“You said you didn’t know why the ghost was here,” Squee snaps, “but you called it here! You and your friends used a Ouija board and called Leonardo here. But then you didn’t allow him to leave, and now he’s stuck here! And the longer he’s here, the more unstable he gets. That’s why he’s been attacking. It’s not his fault, it’s yours!”

“Is this true?” Dib questions.

Cassandra trembles beneath everyone’s accusing glares. “Alright! It’s true! My friends and I used a Ouija board to talk to a ghost. It responded and my friends got scared and left. I didn’t think it would stay.”

“You didn’t give him permission to leave?” Dib asks.

“Permission?”

“When you call a spirit to the living world, you have to give it permission to leave,” he explains like it’s so obvious. “That’s séance 101. Now it’s stuck here which is probably causing it tremendous emotional distress, which would make it devolve into a poltergeist. That’s why the spiritual activity has been escalating and it’s started attacking you.”

“This is why I hate helping people,” Squee groans, rubbing his forehead.

“You have to help me!” Cassandra begs.

“This really sounds like a ‘you’ problem now,” Tak says.

“She’s right,” Dib nods, “unfortunately, only you can solve this. You and your friends gotta use a Ouija board to give the ghost permission to leave. That is, if it’s not too late.”

“Can’t you just kill it?” Cassandra questions.

“No way,” Pepito snaps, “this isn’t Leonardo’s fault, it’s yours.”

“Yeah, if anyone should be killed, it’s you,” Squee agrees.

“What?!” she squeals.

“Relax,” Dib says, “we’re not actually gonna kill you.”

“Aw,” Zim sighs, disappointed.

“And if we can avoid destroying the ghost, we will,” he adds, “now call your friends over here so you can allow it to leave.”

“Ugh, fine,” Cassandra groans and grabs her phone.

A few minutes later, Cassandra’s friends arrive- Brett, Mitch, Laney, and Brittany. Everyone gathers in Cassandra’s bedroom; she and her friends sit on the floor around the Ouija board while the Battalion stand by the door.

“First, call to the ghost and make sure it’s made contact,” Dib says.

“His name’s Leonardo,” Squee points out.

“Sorry. Call to Leonardo and make sure he’s made contact.”

Cassandra and her friends rest their hands on the planchette. “Um, we call to the ghost haunting this house. Are you there?”

The planchette slides to the word ‘Yes’, making Laney cry out with surprise. Pepito and Squee can see Leonardo standing over them. His aura is much more agitated now and his face is twisted up with pain.

“Okay, now you all have to say ‘thank you for visiting. You may leave. Goodbye’,” Dib orders, “all at once now.”

“Thank you for visiting,” Cassandra, Brett, Mitch, and Brittany say but Laney just whimpers fearfully.

“You all have to say it!” Dib demands.

“Laney, come on,” Brett insists.

“Is…is anyone else cold?” she questions fearfully.

Leonardo’s aura has gotten bigger and has started swirling around him angrily. His expression cannot be seen as he’s doubled over, clearly in great pain.

“Hurry up and say the thing!” Pepito barks.

“Laney, come on,” Brittany says gently. Laney nods and they all look at the Ouija board.

“Thank you for visiting,” they say simultaneously.

Leonardo’s aura suddenly knocks pictures off Cassandra’s wall, startling all of them into letting go of the planchette.

“Don’t stop!” Dib orders.

“Just hurry up and finish it already!” Zim barks.

“He’s getting worse,” Squee observes.

Leonardo falls to his knees, crying out in agony as his aura grows bigger and bigger, sending all loose objects flying about. Cassandra and her friends all scream and try to run, but Zim and Tak block the doorway.

“Let us go!” Cassandra begs.

“Not until you say the thing!” Zim barks.

“How can we in all this?” she questions, gesturing to the tornado of flying objects.

“Hang on,” Pepito says and sticks out his hands. He creates a bubble of black energy around Leonardo, containing his unstable aura. All of the flying objects drop to the floor.

“His darkness is growing,” Pepito warns, “I can’t hold him for long. Hurry it up!”

Cassandra and her friends quickly kneel around the Ouija board, placing their hands on the planchette.

“Thank you for coming,” they say simultaneously. Pepito groans with exertion as Leonardo’s aura pounds against the bubble, threatening to break it. “You may leave.”

The bubble shatters, making Pepito cry out in pain as the aura spreads throughout the room, picking up all the objects.

“Goodbye!”

Suddenly, everything stops. All the items float motionless in the air for a second as Leonardo’s aura just sort of shimmers. Then they all drop to the floor as it shrinks down until it’s just cloaking his figure. He looks up in surprise, all the pain gone from his expression. Then he stands up and smiles at Pepito and Squee.

“Thank you,” he says as he disappears. “Goodbye.”

“Bye,” Pepito smiles as he and Squee wave.

“Is it…is it over?” Cassandra asks.

“It’s over,” Dib smiles.

“Cassandra?” Everyone turns to the voice and sees a man and woman looking into the room.

“Mom, Dad,” Cassandra says.

“What’s going on?” her dad questions.

“Um…the ghost is gone,” she replies.

“Oh, honey,” her mom sighs, “we told you, there’s no such thing as ghosts.”

“Okay, we’re done here,” Dib grunts, “if I wanna hear a parent’s disbelief in their kid, I’d hang out with my dad. Let’s go.”

“Expect a bill in the mail,” Gaz says as one by one, the Battalion leave the room.

“Don’t summon anymore ghosts,” Pepito adds.

“I’m never helping anyone again, never,” Squee swears.

Zim and Tak both huff in annoyance.

After they’ve left, Cassandra’s parents look back into the room.

“You better clean up this mess,” her mom orders.

“But Mom! A ghost really did this!” Cassandra insists as she follows them down the hall. “I had to talk to a bunch of nerds to save us!”

Brett, Mitch, Laney, and Brittany look at each other.

“Let’s never mention this to anyone,” Brittany says.

The others nod. “Agreed.”

#invader zim #invader zim fanfiction #johnny the homicidal maniac #johnny the homicidal maniac fanfiction #iz jthm crossover #myart #myocs

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oikawa13 · 4 years ago

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love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane.

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen.

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 5 years ago

Text

I’d like to start something new.

I always said that I wanted to compile a masterlist of some great fics that I’ve read within our community, but when I look at my huge ass TBR list, I say “Haha I’ll, uh, get back to you-” so I’m making it easier on myself: I’ll read and review 3-5 fics at a time, that way the posts aren’t too long and so that I can put more effort into reviewing them without being overwhelmed.

We have plenty of negativity that likes the rear it’s ugly head within this community and it’s nonsense. We should be focusing that energy into better things, like giving credit to the creative minds that we’re lucky to have around us. I want to take some time with these posts and give the writers we have in the fandom the love and appreciation they deserve.

[*note: if any of these authors are on tumblr, please let me know so that I can tag them since I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Or, y’know, if YOU are the author, let me know so I can tag you!]

---

Tick of Time by Vodnici

This is a Lousim story that I’ve talked about a couple of times on this blog and I’ve done so for a very good reason: It’s adorable and I love it.

"Tick of Time” is about Louis realizing that Aasim needs glasses and the lengths he goes to find him a pair.

Aside from it being one of the few lousim stories on AO3, this summary was enough to draw me in a read. Don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m a sucker for Aasim with glasses.

While this story is indeed super cute, it also has an interesting depth to it when it comes to Louis and Aasim’s characters. I love the way Louis pays particular attention to Aasim [admires him from afar, you could say, hm?] and his habits before realization dawns on him and he goes out of his way to look through every drawer in Ericson to find a working pair of glasses, and going as far as traveling outside of the school on the hunt for some, showing a dedication to helping Aasim see to read and write again, something that has a deeper effect on him that comes into play later in the story.

Louis’ teasing yet genuine nature is incredibly sweet, and Aasim’s written incredibly well. Their banter at the end is, again, very sweet and funny. One of my favorite bits:

Louis watched his fascination with a small, happy and relieved smile. Then the joy turned to playfulness. “Wait, I have something.” His hand dug into his pocket and retrieved a folded piece of paper, which he held out to Aasim.

Confused, Aasim took the paper and unfolded it. He scanned over it, and the confusion immediately turned to exasperation. He pursed his lips and turned to Louis. “I do not look like a nerd!”

“Ah, the glasses work perfectly, then. Excellent.”

The writing style is light and enjoyable, the descriptions beautiful, and it brings to light something that would actually happen to someone in the apocalypse. Writing and documenting everything is important to Aasim and a key part of his character, and for something such as poor eyesight to get in the way of that is tragic. I’m glad this addresses that while keeping everyone in character and providing some cute lousim content.

I highly recommend this to anyone looking for some lousim goodness with some heart. I mean, I keep going back to it. This is probably the fourth or fifth time I’ve read it.

---

Make You Feel My Love by shadows_unnoticed

Long, strong arms slowly wrapped around Clementine’s waist suddenly and began to hold her tightly, breaking her from her train of thought. She then felt lips graze against her cheek, a soft kiss being planted there. She turned her head slightly to find Louis staring at her with that fond look in his eyes as he rested his chin on her left shoulder.

THIS is the clouis content I LIVE for.

That’s just a taste of the beautiful writing this has to offer.

“Make You Feel My Love” takes place after the events of the season where Clementine’s getting used to her new prosthetic leg. Louis asks her to meet him in the music room one night, since they’re “due for a second date.”

I love everything about this one-shot. The writing in this is beautiful. I know I just said that but I’m saying it again because I need you to understand how much I love the writing. It’s fluffy, it’s breathtaking, it’s funny, it’s sweet, it’s a hundred other adjectives that I could list but won’t.

And it that doesn’t convince you to read this, then allow me to give you this: Louis and Clementine slow dancing together while Louis sings to her.

Yeah.

That’s the level of beauty we’re talking here.

This is a story that keeps Louis and Clementine in character. You can feel the love they have for each other in the way they speak and act together. This story is one that I can visualize in my head as I’m reading it and I LOVE stories like that. The descriptions of the environments are gorgeous, and the little tidbits of humor sprinkled in makes my cheeks hurt from the strain of smiling.

I could go on and on about how in love I am with this story, but I don’t want to spoil too much. If you haven’t read it yet, I HIGHLY recommend you check it out. You won’t be disappointed. In fact, you’ll probably be a mess of giggles and feelings like I am right now.

---

Flowers by ToTheMax @bloodyflashlight

The lack of briolet stories hurts my soul.

However, we do have this masterpiece.

Violet stopped herself at the last second from stammering out another ‘uh, yeah’ and crossed her arms. “I was just… thinking, you know?”

“You do a lot of that lately.” Brody sat back down, motioning for Violet to come sit near her, to which the girl obeyed. They sat next to each other, Brody’s elbow resting on Violet’s leg as she knotted the flower stems together to finish the crown. “What are you thinking about?”

“Um… you.” Violet pulled her other knee that Brody wasn’t leaning on up to her chest, resting her arms on top of it. “I’ve, um… been thinking about… you,” she clarified, albeit hesitantly.

“Flowers” is a short little one-shot but oh, it’s beautiful. Honestly, I almost see it as more of a character study? Maybe?

It’s about Violet and Brody fishing in the spring and Brody keeps getting distracted with all the flowers blooming and decides to make some flower crowns, but its focus is more on Violet’s feelings towards Brody.

It’s as sweet and pure as it sounds, but it also gives an interesting look in Violet’s character and explores the idea of Brody surviving Marlon’s blow to the head and how the two of them grew near inseparable afterward.

There’s just something so soft about the way this was written. The little details of them leaning into each other, the flower crowns, the raw emotions presented from them both- it’s enchanting! Upon rereading this, I actually went back and read it AGAIN because I want more of it!

Seriously, if ToTheMax ever wanted to take this one-shot and write a full-blown story around it, I would probably cry.

Again, I don’t want to get too into this one because it’s a story that you should experience for yourself. Even if briolet isn’t your #1 OTP, it’s still worth looking at for the wonderful writing and terrific look at Violet’s character.

#twdg fanfic appreciation #twdg clementine #twdg aj #twdg louis #twdg violet #twdg aasim #twdg ruby #twdg mitch #twdg willy #twdg tenn #twdg omar #twdg brody #twdg marlon #twdg clouis #twdg lousim #twdg briolet #twdg

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areluctantsblog · 5 years ago

Note

For the author asks: 13, 20, 23 & 24 (sorry if it's too many😅❤)

Thank you so much for asking! I had fun thinking about these things.

13. Weirdest fic you’ve ever read? Hm. I started a stony one in which Tony Stark is a squirrel and Steve Rogers is a dog, but I haven’t finished it, so I’ll have to pick another one. The ones that come to mind are a few of the first fics I’ve read. There were a few crack-treated-seriously works among them. One stands out especially, a Marauder’s Era HP fic that was in dramatic form. It had an amazing back and forth between Snape and Lily with hilarious muggle jokes and dripped with sarcasm.

20. What’s your biggest struggle when it comes to writing fic? Um… writing it? Haha, no. It’s actually the brainstorming. The ideas come and I explore and expand them to a point, but then I start to feel like I’m not able to see it all alone and I really really need to talk it through with someone. Sometimes I’m lucky and have a chance to discuss it, sometimes I wait and hope that a couple of days will help me move on with it. Writing it down can help, too. Also, when I take a longer break while writing a fic (I mean months), it can be hard to get back in the mood and pick up where I left it. It’s not undoable, though. In fact, it can be a lot of fun, returning to a certain fic’s atmosphere.

23. How long does it take you to complete a fic? It really depends. The longer I write, the longer my fics get, it would seem, so there’s that. Plus, sometimes I get stuck with something and I intend to go back but I start new things and it takes a long time to continue the unfinished ones. My goal is to finish everything, so I don’t start writing unless I’m really serious about a story. I have two lists, WIPs and ideas. Of course, I would love all the ideas to eventually turn into wips, then completed works, but I know it’s unlikely, so I try to pick wisely. How long though? Idk, when I had a deadline, I could produce 3-4k in a day + editing. Sometimes, 500 words counts as great progress. English isn’t my first language though, so writing in English definitely slows me down. Paraphrasing Gandalf, I’ll say that finishing a fic takes exactly as long as it needs to.

24. What’s your process? Omg, do I have to pretend that I have one? Sometimes, a fic comes pouring out of me. All I do then is don’t stand in its way and type fast. Other times, it’s a scene that comes to me, one scene that I see very clearly and I start unwrapping it, explore its implications, start asking questions about how the characters got there. Sometimes, it’s something about a character that I want to explore more in depth. Or a scene from canon that bugs me for some reason. Okay, so ideas come. I try to not trust my memory and write it down as soon as possible. I tried using a recorder but I didn’t get the feel of it. Sometimes, I start writing it as a headcanon or just notes but right around the first dialogue it turns into fully formed sentences and I write the whole thing, then I have to go back and write the beginning as well. Sometimes I write some part of it and go back to it later. If I get stuck, sometimes I jump ahead and write the next scene that comes more easily, then bridge the two parts. If I’m stuck for a long time, the hardest part is to get back in the right mindset and mood (but I don’t give up on fics, I finish them). I reread a lot. Longer pauses are especially useful in this regard because I see the story in a different light. Then, when I get really impatient, I reread one last time and hit post. I reread even after that and ALWAYS find one or two typos and a few things that I could have said better, but I really like the feeling that it’s out there. Oh my god, it does seem like I have a process :D

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weasleywinchester · 5 years ago

Text

Unexpected Meetings and Risks Taken

Chapter 1 The Meeting at Baker Street

Chapter 2 The First Case

Chapter 3 His Name is Greg *swoon*

Series Summary:

Jamie Luna is an American in London. She’s managed to get herself stuck within Mycroft’s web and is sent to watch Sherlock’s every move. What She’s not prepared for is the love and friendships of a life time.

Chapter Summary:

Jamie Luna has just had to most romantic date that even had a little sizzle... and now she gets to go to work. Sherlock said to be a 221B asap, he’s on a case and needs someone else’s presence besides John. But how long before Jamie gets to see Greg again? It may be just around the corner...

Couches are not as comfortable as one expects. Well, Sherlock’s couch isn’t anyways. I roll onto my side, watching Sherlock pace back and forth across the flat, talking about his latest case. He seems to be having a mental breakdown.

“He’s not.” John states from his chair as he skims today’s (well, yesterday’s) newspaper. I stare at him, hoping to burn a hole in the side of his head.

“What do you mean he’s not? Of course he is! LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE JOHN!” Sherlock shouts. John glares up at Sherlock and tries so damn hard not to roll his eyes.

“I was talking to Jamie. About you. That you’re not having a mental breakdown. ” John cracks the newspaper and continues reading.

“Why do I need to be here Sherlock? John says you’re fine. I think you’re raving mad because it’s THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING!” I yell as I throw the blanket over my face.

“You didn’t seem to mind being awake when you floated in here earlier” I poke my head out to see Sherlock cocking his eyebrow at me. I roll my eyes over to John, who has both his brows raised in questioning.

“You came in with your makeup done to perfection, that’s not out of the ordinary but it was a little more heavy than normal. You have on a tight, short leather skirt suggesting you want male attention especially since you thought to forgo any tights. Your red- um no- orange top suggests a somewhat professional gathering, perhaps old colleagues, but the buttons could be undone further if you happened across someone that met your checklist. Your lips are stained dark pink suggesting that you had lipstick on but didn’t bother to reapply or, more likely, someone else removed it for you.” Sherlock spins on his heel to stare down at me on the couch.

“It’s called a lipstain Sherlock, it’s meant to fade over the course of the night.” I drag the blanket back over my head. Sherlock frowns and turns to John who shrugs his shoulders.

“Have you told Mycroft I’m mad?”

“I’ve told him that your brain is reeling on a case, but the only drugs you’ve taken are three nicotine patches.”

“Two” John corrects.

“Three. He put one on his other arm when you were making tea.” I mumble through the blanket.

“Well, be thankful he hasn’t gotten a hold of any weapons yet.”

I poke my head out and open my mouth to respond but I would rather not press for details, my job was to report on Sherlock’s current well being, not to unravel his past. Sherlock continues his pacing and problem solving and I must have nodded off at some point because John is gently shaking my shoulder.

“Jamie, Sherlock is out for a walk. Said he’d be back later.” John whispers. I crack my eyes open, glaring at John for not waking me when Sherlock left.

“Here’s a strong tea, extra sugar; now hurry home and do what you need to do before he calls. Don’t you grumble at me missy! Off you go, hurry before he has a break though in this case.” John peels me off the couch and practically pushes me out onto the landing.

I steadily make my way back to my own flat, walking instead of taking a cab. It’s about midday, the sun is out but it brings no warmth. I quickly undress as I walk into the flat and jump right into the shower. I try to recall the details of the current case as I scrub my body clean but I can’t remember anything after the exhaustion set in last night. Before that… I can still feel his hands on my body. The way his mouth moved against mine, how he smelled musky but not too strong, how I wanted him to explore every bit of my body... OH MY GOD! Did he call? I didn’t even check my phone when I left baker street! I rush out of the shower quickly throwing my hair in a towel and running to my phone. Of course it’s fucking dead! I jam the charger in and finish drying my body as I mentally beg my phone to resurrect faster. The logo flashes on the screen and then my phone buzzes three times.

Messages from last night:

Mycroft: Good. Make sure he stays that way. Don’t let him out of your sight.

Sherlock: Went out. - SH

Messages from this morning:

John: Sherlock’s back. Laying on the couch, hasn’t said anything in 20 minutes. Be ready to meet us somewhere soon :)

I sigh as I crash onto my bed. Nothing from Greg! I guess he does work for Scotland Yard so I can cut him a little slack. Maybe he wasn’t interested. I push the thought out of my head and get ready. The cute little coat I wore out last night was not cutting it earlier; so I grabbed my oversize tartan wool coat out of the closet. I think I’ll take my time doing my makeup today, never know who you’ll bump into when you’re running after Sherlock; or working for Mycroft for that matter. I just finish filling in my eyebrows when my phone lets out a few dings.

SH: This address. Hurry - SH

JW: This address. See you there!

(?): Hi Jamie, had an amazing time last night. Maybe we could do dinner tonight? - Greg

HA! He texted! I happy dance and nearly trip over my two feet when another ding sounds.

Greg: New case just came up. Rain check for breakfast tomorrow?

Awww man. I have to wait until tomorrow??? That’s just not fair! I reply as I make my way out the door:

To Greg: I had an amazing time too <3 Sounds perfect! Let me know where :D

To John: See you there! Maybe I’ll get to cross the tape this time!

To Sherlock: Hurrying!

I quickly shoot Mycroft a message with the address of the crime scene and reread Greg’s message so I can over analyze it (as one does). I look at mine again as well. Oh… no… I put a heart?? Will he think that’s weird? We kinda went on one date… and I’m sending hearts. I gotta remember hearts, the cry laugh emoji and the phrase “lol” do not need to be in every message!

I arrive rather quickly at the crime scene, they’re just now taping off the area, although it is much later in the evening than I expected. I take my post at the edge of the tape near an ambulance that has pulled up. It’s the perfect spot to hear their conversations as well as anything coming through their radios. I give Donovan a little wave, but she purses her lips together and goes back to talking to one of the officers. I make small conversation with some of the medical workers, very friendly people.

After about 20 minutes I can hear Sherlock yelling throughout the apartment building. I blink and see a black blur come flying out the door and into a cab. I walk towards it but it’s already pulling away, leaving me standing in the middle of the road. He left? He left! What the fuck am I supposed to say to-

“Left us here, did he?” John says behind me. I turn to him and shake my head.

“How do we follow him John?

“We don’t for now. He’ll be back at the flat in no time.” John gives my shoulder a squeeze.

“Jamie? Jamie Luna?” Someone behind us shouts. John and I both turn and my jaw hits the pavement. It’s Greg! We meet him at the edge of the tape, he lifts it for John and I to cross under.

“Jamie, Detective Inspector Greg Lestrade. Although I assume you already know that.” John says, the Cheshire grin on his face growing wider by the second. “Greg, Jamie Luna.”

“Yes, we’ve met. Good to see you Detective Inspector.” I can’t help but smile like an idiot. The title suits him, as does the suite...

“We have indeed. Where’s Sherlock gone?” Greg asks, his question directed at John but his eyes never leaving me.

“Off to think we presume.”

“We?” He glances between John and I.

“Remember when I said I was basically a nanny?” Greg’s mouth falls open astonished. “Ya I get to follow Sherlock everyday, text his big brother where he is and get paid loads of money.” I squish my lips together and brace myself, not sure if Greg will think I’m crazy or not.

“Bloody brilliant! Didn’t think anyone could one over Mycroft.” The three of us share a laugh, the silence no longer awkward.

“Well I best be off, have a date in a little bit. Greg, mind walking Jamie home? Her flat isn't too far.” John says, his voice a normal tone but his eyes are full of mischief. I give him a little glare before turning to Greg.

“It’s alright if you can’t, you’re obviously working.” I point my words at John.

“Of course I’ll take you home, just give me a few minutes to wrap up here.” He gives me a lopsided grin. I shake my head in agreement because I do not trust any words that will tumble out of my mouth. He shakes John’s hand goodbye and goes back to talk with Donovan.

“Do you actually have a date this bloody early?” I glare at John.

“I might.” He grins at me, gives a slight bow and catches the next taxi.

I waited around for half an hour; but since Greg let me into the taped off area I decided to poke my nose around. I saw the paramedics take a body out of the building, but it was in a bag so I couldn’t see anything. I got to talking with the CSI photographer and a few other detectives about possible events leading to this accident.

“Ready Ms. Luna?” Greg whispers into my ear as he puts his hand lightly on the small of my back. I nod and quickly tell the people I was talking to goodbye. “I hope you don’t mind if I just drive you?”

“Oh how horrible! You’re going to make me sit for the short car journey instead of making me walk all over London like my boss?” I laugh. He flashes a brilliant smile and I have to remember not to melt into a puddle. We chat about the case, well about Sherlock’s deductions. He may sound raving mad but Greg tells me he’s more brilliant than half of Scotland Yard. He pulls the car up to the curb, both of us sitting in silence for a few moments.

“Would you like to come in for dinner?” I squeak. I glance at him, his mouth is slightly ajar. Moving too fast? Assuming too much… No. He drove me home of his own free will, and he keeps smiling at me like that... it can’t just be in my head right? “There’s a homemade deep dish pizza calling our names...” I sing-song.

“Pizza with a beautiful woman? How could I say no?” He reaches over to push my hair off my shoulders, his thumb light grazing my neck.

“Well, ok then” I breathe out. He gives me a little smile, his thumb moving back and forth along the side of my neck. Wait… he said yes! I jump out of the car and race to my door. I quickly unlock it and begin picking up the clothes I peeled off earlier and throw them into the dryer. I race back to the front door and try to conceal the fact that the tiny sprint I just did has left me short of breath.

“Well this is posh...” Greg mentions as he looks around. I haven’t been living in my flat very long so a lot still needs to be decorated.

“Yes, Mycroft said it would be better if I was in the general vicinity of Sherlock. He also assured me that if I moved to 221B I would most likely never get a good night's sleep.” Greg chuckles at that, I imagine working with Sherlock as much as he does gives the same effect. I quickly heat up the pizza and set the table. Last night I made a mental note on what beer Greg was drinking but the food delivery was set for tomorrow.

“I don’t have any beer, but will wine do?” I shout from the kitchen, trying my hardest to reach the darn wine glasses. I feel his hand rest on my hip, his body lightly pressing against my back.

“Yes love.” He answers right next to my ear as he stretches to grab the two glasses. He sets them on the counter in front of me. His arm snakes around my waist and he nuzzles his nose into my hair.

“Miss me Detective Inspector?” My voice comes out more even than I though possible.

He hums in agreement, brushing my hair off my shoulder and laying a gentle kiss on the base of my neck. I take a deep breath and twirl around so now our noses gently brush each other. He presses his lips gently to mine, my heart threatening to leap out of my chest.

*DING DING DING*

“That would be the pizza” I mumble against his lips, my eyes still closed.

“Guess we will have to finish this later.” he gives me a quick peck and grabs the pizza out of the microwave.

We settle at the table, and raise our glasses.

“To unexpected meetings.” I say, tilting my glass towards Greg.

“And risks taken” he adds as we clink glasses..

Martin GIF from @sannapersikka Hope you don’t mind! You have the perfect collection of Martin gifs

Pic from: https://pin.it/7hkAX6X

______________________

I HAVE A TAG LIST?!?! Here it be:

@fangirl-iz

#greg lestrade #detective inspector greg lestrade #greg lestrade x oc #greg lestrade x reader #sherlock #john watson #221b baker street #Mycroft Holmes #sherlock fanfic

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whereverthemusetakesme · 7 years ago

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1-10, 25

⊱asks for muns with a multimuse⊰

1. is there a muse that you wish gets more attention?

There are a few of them... but if I had to pick just one? Scout, for sure. I do get that she’s an obscure character even within her fandom, and no longer even relevant since the canon reboot - but that doesn’t stop me wanting to do things with her xD

2. if you HAD to choose, who’s your favorite muse?

Vanellope. Definitely Vanellope; she’s not only the cutest cutie, but also my favourite fictional character overall. Though I have to say that Lauren’s not far behind her... being as she’s 100% my own character, I’d not be a biased creator if I didn’t chose her xD

3. which muse is the trickiest to get into character for?

Recently? I’d say it’s been Mabel. I feel like the way I write her is hit-and-miss most of the time; but because there’s so much canon material for her I struggle to take all of it into account at all times, you know? I think I emphasise certain parts of her personality at the expense of others... and plus, I’m nowhere near as outgoing and bouncy as she is, which gives me trouble sometimes too xD

4. is there a muse that not a lot of people roleplay with?

I suppose that Cera, Lauren, Zoey, Babs and Vixey all fall under that category; each only have one or two people who interact with them at present. That’s the advantage of a multimuse blog, though; even when they don’t have that many interested partners, the blog as a whole still stays active - rather than collecting dust (and unanswered asks) the way Cera’s used to!

And then there’s Scout, who has had a grand total of zero roleplay partners so far, so is kind of in a category all of her own? xD;;

5. if you HAD to choose, who’s your least favorite muse?

That’s not even a contest... Taffyta, for sure. I mean, I have a lot of fun writing her, but... is she a butt, or what? xD

6. which one of your muses have you been playing the longest?

On the whole? Angel. That was... back on Proboards, eight years ago, my first rping experience ever - it was a Disney-themed site, and she was my favourite character at the time, so she was the natural choice - and I guess she’s just stuck with me ever since.

7. which one of your muses has the most ships?

Ships I’ve been part of through rp here? That’s got to be Margo ( @bespectacledkitten ), as the only muse who’s actively participated in more than one ship at all. Even then, she’s only had Antonio and Vale as shipping partners, so... not loads.

Though if we’re talking more just for whom most ships exist, regardless of my participation in them... well, poor Angel does tend to be shipped with just about anything on four legs!

8. what is each of your muses otps? notps?

Hm.

Angel: OTP is with Patch of 101 Dalmatians II; and while there are a lot of ships of her I’ve seen that I disagree with, I’d say my main NOtp for her has to be with Dodger. As a sibling-type bond between them... oh yeah, I’d be all for that! But I just can’t ship them... he’s too similar to her, wouldn’t be able to give her what she needed in a relationship.

Mabel: I don’t really have any OTP for her. I’ve never rped a ship with her, and while some of her canon ones can be cute, none really make me think yes must ship it! NOtps are with either Dipper or Gideon... both for obvious reasons.

Cera: I’m intrigued by her and Littlefoot as a couple, though I’d need to actually get to play around with that before I could truly call it something I ship... and I’m not really sure of her other options. I haven’t seen any other pairings with her to have a preference on.

Taffyta: I’m not opposed to shipping her, but I don’t have any so far. NOtp is with Vanellope.

Zoey: OTP is with Rudolph, pretty much by default! No NOtps yet... I don’t even feel justified in calling her and Arrow a NOtp at this point, since we see so little actual relationship between them in canon. They’re just a noncommittal meh at this point.

Vanellope: None. I just don’t ship her... so I guess any ship with her is a NOtp for me?

Vixey: OTP is Tod. Don’t have any NOtps at present.

Scout: Undecided. I don’t think I ship her with Whie, but... I’d need more in-character interactions with her before I could commit to anything, either way.

Babs: OTP is with Featherweight, honestly! I dunno, there’s just something about the idea of those two being together that really appeals to me. Don’t have any NOtps so far.

Lauren: Haven’t really considered it. Lauren’s asexual, in my mind, so it just... hasn’t been relevant for her.

Danielle: I dunno I have a specific OTP. At different times I’ve shipped her with Berlioz (Aristocats), Rolly or Lucky (both 101 Dalmatians: The Series), but none that I can really commit to as a ‘one true’ pairing. Likewise, I don’t really have any NOtps for her, either... I’ll just play her and see what comes ^^

(and Annette as a bonus: OTP is with Pooka from Anastasia. He’s really the only person I’d consider shipping her with, so... NOtp is everyone else? xD)

9. why were you drawn to each one of your characters?

Angel: She’s just... long been a favourite of mine. Not ever since I first saw Scamp’s Adventure, when I didn’t pay her specifically much mind, but... it must have been a couple of months later, when I rewatched it for maybe the fourth time, I just... fell for her. The way she’s had such a tough life, her curious combination of selfish and selfless, both of which made her so interesting to explore further... and, I’m not gonna lie, her being the CUTEST little thing didn’t hurt at all either x3 By the time the first RP site I was part of came around, she was just the obvious choice to go for; and she’s stuck with me ever since.

Mabel: She’s just so quirky and energetic and optimistic and fun... how could anyone who’s seen Gravity Falls not be drawn to her? I liked her as soon as I started watching the show (some years after it ended, granted), and by the time I finished it I was really warring with myself over whether or not to pick her up. As you can tell, my willpower lost that battle xD

Cera: She’s such a hard-headed, stubborn BUTT WITH A HEART OF GOLD and I love it x3 I mean, I don’t usually go for characters like that, but something about the way Cera pulls it off is just... plus, the fact that she’s kind of too cute to take her jerkiness that seriously helps, too!

Taffyta: Mostly? I first picked her up because my girlfriend rped as pre-movie Vanellope and was hoping for some more of the Sugar Rush kids to pick on her... and I thought I could oblige there. I mean, I’m not really drawn to Taffyta, she’s awful... but she’s also a fun departure from all my other characters too xD

Zoey: I think... I was drawn to her potential more than her herself. In Rudolph, Zoey really is portrayed as your ‘generic love interest’ character, she’s cute and determined and doesn’t judge him for his nose... and that’s really all we’re given. And I just saw so much more untapped potential for that character, that I wanted to take her and make her into something more than just what the movie did.

Plus, the fact that my gf rps as Rudolph on her multi-muse was a key factor in that choice, too x3

Vanellope: She’s just so... got everything that makes me like a character. She’s utterly adorable; she’s so fun and sassy; she’s really brave; she has scenes in the movie that completely break my heart for her; she’s JUST... precious cutie, must be protected at all costs. I’ve had fun writing her on a couple of short-lived Proboards sites, so when I started up the multi-muse, it seemed a perfect time to add her to my muse roster.

Vixey: Like Angel, Vixey wasn’t a liked her as soon as I saw her. I’d watched Fox and the Hound many times before I even really considered her beyond her role in the film... in fact, fun story, I first picked her up on that Disney-themed Proboards site I mentioned above. My girlfriend had been playing Tod on there; and the site was a war environment, and she was planning to get him killed in one of the battles. Now there had been previous rpers who had played Vixey on that site, but all of them had since left or vanished... so I just thought, wouldn’t it be fun to pick her up so she can be UTTERLY TRAUMATISED by her mate’s death? Fox and the Hound has been a favourite of mine since I first started liking Disney movies, after all.

And it was just, as I was looking through her scenes to get the inspiration to write her, I realised how much there was to love about this character. She’s smart, kind, romantic, of course... but she also doesn’t let herself get pushed around. She was never afraid to stand up for herself when Tod snapped at her... and, I’ll be honest, I started to notice all the little hesitancies in her speech, too - the “Oh, um, gosh” and such like - and just found they made it such FUN to write her dialogue... and I’ve been attached to her ever since!

Scout: Oh my goodness, Scout... where do I even start with her? xD Like Vanellope, she’s adorable, she’s smart, she’s got herself a sharp mouth... and her life’s been such a struggle that, when I reread the novel, I just felt for her so much. The way Sean Stewart describes her, captures her personality, is just SO PERFECT, she’s so real to me, so believable... I wanted to do things with her, I wanted to do her the justice that the rest of the SW expanded universe, beyond that novel, never seems to give her. She deserved more spotlight than just that one novel, and a minor role in another, and I wanted to give that to her.

Also, I’d been low-key looking for a Star W.ars muse to take ever since I’d seen The Last J.edi, and Scout (who had just vaulted to the top of my favourite characters list for that fandom despite her lack of Force talent) was the perfect choice for that.

Babs: She’s just my favourite pony. I’m not sure what, exactly... I guess in some respects, the tough but also cute kind of characters appeal to me? After we saw her in One Bad Apple, I just found her a really interesting character. There was so much we were given about her that the episode didn’t have time to expand on, and I’m curious to see that built on and developed. Like Vanellope, I played her on a couple of short-lived Proboards sites and had fun with her... and when I was thinking of other characters to add to this blog, I just came again upon some of the gif icons I’d made of her for that, which just made me want to write for her all over again.

Lauren: What can I say..? She’s the main character of an original story I’ve been trying to write for years; I’m indulging myself by playing her here xD Though, fun fact? She was originally scheduled to simply be a minor antagonist in that story’s initial conception. Then, as I started delving into her backstory - to find the reason why she was how she was - she just became more and more interesting to me than the girl who had been originally created as the main character. Slowly Lauren just kind of... pushed her out to gain the top spot in my affections for herself.

Danielle: I’m not gonna deny it, Annette’s always been my favourite of the cocker sisters... but that said, they’re all adorable, and I think I started to warm up to them about the same time I did with Angel. The personality, all the little ways the animators showed their distinctness... Annette stood out to me the most, as the smart one of the bunch, and even before I started rping at all I’d developed a whole detailed personality for her. Dani was always second for me, while Collette kind of lagged, just because I couldn’t relate to her in the same way as I could the other two.

I don’t really have much to offer for the why they particularly drew me in. Just... they’re totally adorable, what other explanation can I give? xD

10. which muse is the most fun to write for?

Ooh... I think that’s gotta be Vanellope too, truthfully - though each of the newest additions to the blog aren’t far behind her. Babs and Dani and Scout are all really fun to play around with, too :D

25. which muse do people send the most asks for?

Mabel and Vanellope, so far on this blog! Though... I can’t say I’m really surprised. Their fandoms do both seem to be active for the long run, especially here on tumblr, so it does make sense that they’re the most popular ^^

#amanymcsnmore #ooc #ask #meme response #long post #This... got a lot longer than I expected it to!#but it was also fun; thanks so much for sending it :D

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staircasttext · 4 years ago

Text

Episode 01 Transcript: The Soul Is Stored in the Balls

Episode 01

PAZ: Well, here we are. Here we are in Warriors land. Back again.

JULIAN: Welcome to Warrior Cats, the unnamed podcast.

PAZ: The unnamed podcast. That's true. We don't have a name.

LIZ: Maybe we should have thought about that, but.

PAZ: That-- that'll come later. That's something you have to ruminate on. But yes, this is our Warrior Cats reread podcast slash just read podcast.

And we are starting today with Into the Wild, which is the first book in all the series. There's like a bajillion books now, I don't even know half of them. But we read-- what was it? Up and through chapter four.

Yeah, so we're gonna talk about it. And we should do introductions. So I'm Paz. Who wants to go next?

JULIAN: Oh, I was waiting for more from your intro.

LIZ: Apparently.

PAZ: I didn't think this through.

JULIAN: Do you want to talk about your past experience with the Warriors books?

PAZ: Yeah, I wasn't sure if we wanted to, like, introduce ourselves and then-- but that might make more sense. Okay, so we all have differing levels of experience with this series.

I was a huge Warrior cats fan. As a kid, I role played it at recess, on the Neopets boards, on weird forums, whatever you name. But I actually have never read all of the first series because I started with the second series, the New Prophecy I think it's called. And then when I tried to go back and read the first series, I thought Firepaw was really boring. So then I didn't read all of it.

So I've read all of the New Prophecy and the Power of Three, I believe, and then multiple of like the special books, including the weird manga that exists. So that's my experience with it.

LIZ: I didn't know that. And I'm googling that right now.

PAZ: Oh, I can send pictures later. Don't worry about it.

JULIAN: The manga is incredible. It's a work of art.

PAZ: I physically own it.

JULIAN: I'm so glad.

LIZ: It's different than I thought it would.

JULIAN: No emo bangs.

LIZ: I've got questions about that. But we'll get to that.

JULIAN: Um, I'm Julian, I was also a huge Warrior Cats fan as a kid. But I mostly read the first series, and then A New Prophecy, and then I thought there was too much magic in A Power of Three and stopped reading them.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: It just wasn't realistic. 11 year old me looked for strict realism in their cat reading material. Yeah, I did a lot of roleplay but strictly on one forum that was basically me and all of my friends from school, and then my friend's older sister and all of her friends from school. And it was a great little corner of the internet. We all lied about our ages, because none of us were 13. Shout out to Proboards.

LIZ: I'm Liz. I have never in my whole life until now even, even touched the surface of Warrior Cats. And it's amazing because it seems like it would be right in my wheelhouse. But when I was 13, or saying I was 13 and being less than 13, I was into-- I was a wolf girl.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: And a dragon girl. And most specifically an owl girl. I was into something adjacent to Warrior Cats, which is Guardians of Gahoole. Which is about owls. That's not what this podcast is about. But it's also you know got violence.

PAZ: And bird Nazis.

LIZ: It's anti bird Nazi, if that helps. I do not remember that much about it. I'm looking forward to delving into this other society of animals who are suffering.

PAZ: Okay Liz.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I have to ask, what was your impression of Warrior Cats, without like pre-reading any of it? What do you think goes on in it?

LIZ: I thought it would be about cats in like-- pretty much what happens. Like, different cats, different groups. And they do not like each other.

I thought there would be more magic than I encountered in the four chapters.

PAZ: Oh, just you wait.

LIZ: Yeah, based on what you guys have said, I think that will pop off.

JULIAN: Yeah, it uh. I did read some of the stuff that happens in later series and it really does pop off.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm really curious about the latest series now because you're right that like, the Power of Three, it really started getting kind of wild. Which I loved the Power of Three because of that. I was the opposite of you.

I don't know why I stopped reading. I don't know. I got busy with important teenager things, I guess.

Who knows?

JULIAN: It feels like there is a very much a sweet spot of like early teens.

PAZ: Yeah, for sure.

JULIAN: Or like slightly preteen to read them. And then you hit-- you get a little old and then you become embarrassed of your catsona and all of your OC cats.

PAZ: Which is, never be embarrassed of your Warrior Cats OCs. We're taking--

JULIAN: Right. Don't be embarrassed of the things you love.

PAZ: Yeah, we're taking a strong pro Warrior Cats OC, Warrior Cats with emo bangs stance here.

LIZ: I'm strongly in support of it, too. What's more pure than this? Like, yes cats. Yes hairstyles. Yes customisations. Don't know why I said that one so weird. Okay, since we're getting to that, I have a vital question. They do mostly just look like the cats we see in the real world, right? Just...

JULIAN: Yeah, the emo bangs are an addition. Those are not canon.

PAZ: The emo bangs are not canon. The big anime eyes, not canon. I mean, all the-- on the cover of Into the Wild, which is the first book, is Firepaw. And that's just a cat.

LIZ: Just an orange cat.

JULIAN: Yeah, just a little guy.

PAZ: They do just look like cats.

JULIAN: There was so much drama about what your cat could look like and whether they were allowed to have like, purple eyes or like, Siamese coat types.

PAZ: I did not encounter that at all. It was kind of lawless on Neopets.com.

LIZ: I would believe that, but also I think the answer should be a unanimous yes because why not? These are your cat OCs.

JULIAN: Exactly.

LIZ: You can do whatever you want. You can give them purple eyes. And you can give them, I don't know, wings. Wings are very popular within OCs in 2006.

PAZ: Yeah, absolutely the cat OCs had wings.

JULIAN: I think we should bring them back. More wings on OCS in 2021.

PAZ: Exactly.

JULIAN: Yeah, there was one person on the forum I was on who was very strict about, like, cat breeding and the kinds of coats that could conceivably show up in, like, cat populations in the wild.

PAZ: That's extremely funny.

JULIAN: It was a lot.

PAZ: Well, I'm glad we can settle that. I know that was a burning question for you, Liz. That I told you not to ask.

LIZ: Until we got here.

PAZ: Yes. But now you know, they're just cats.

LIZ: They are just cats, which means figurative-- well, not figuratively but possibly, there could be some that just look very silly, but also very fierce.

PAZ: Yes.

LIZ: I'm looking at this picture of the cast of cats from the manga I think. One of them does look like he has the cat pattern of having pants, which is one of my favorites.

PAZ: Yeah, I'll have to take and share some pictures from the manga because the art style is hilarious. But that's a different conversation.

JULIAN: Paz, you wanna take it--

PAZ: Yeah, we should delve into this. Do we want to go chapter by chapter? Should I just do all summaries at once? What do we want?

JULIAN: Um, I don't remember what happens in which chapter versus another chapter.

PAZ: Okay, then.

JULIAN: I took notes, but like, everything happens so much.

PAZ: Okay, I guess I'll just say... I mean, I'll just say them all, I guess.

LIZ: Yeah, they're pretty short.

PAZ: Okay. So, as with all Warrior Cats books, there is a prologue. And that opens on a very dramatic battle between ThunderClan and RiverClan, and Tigerclaw, who is a ThunderClan cat, tells Oakheart to like, get the hell out of there. Oakheart's a RiverClan. That's Thunder cat territory, blah, blah, blah, and they get ambushed. And then Redtail, who's another ThunderClan cat says, we need to retreat, and they do. And then we cut to Bluestar, who is the ThunderClan leader, talking to Spottedleaf, who is the medicine cat about how they need more warriors, because now they're fighting a bunch. And then Spottedleaf talks with the cats in cat heaven, which that's a thing. And there's a prophecy that fire alone can save our clan. And that's the prologue.

And then in chapter one, we leave the world of Warrior Cats to open on Rusty, who is a kittypet, having a dream about hunting a mouse. And he wakes up before he can catch it and thinks about how much it sucks to be a house cat and how shitty his food is. And then he goes out into the garden to contemplate this. And his friend Smudge comes out to talk to him. And they talk about how dangerous the woods are. And Rusty decides to go in and explore.

And while he's there, he gets attacked by a strange cat. And they have a fight. And that cat stops and he's like, hi, I'm Graypaw. And he does some exposition about the clan. And before Rusty can leave, Bluestar and Lionheart show up. And Bluestar's like, hey, you're cool and you can fight. Good job.

And then in chapter two, Rusty's like, well, I want to kill some mice. And Bluestar's like, No, this is our woods. You have like a bunch of food back home. Go away. And Rusty's like, Oh, I'm sorry. And Bluestar's like, actually, do you want to join ThunderClan?

And she explains that ThunderClan needs more warriors, which is why they would take in a kittypet. And then there's some weird dialogue about how Rusty can still be a warrior because he still has his balls. And they give Rusty a day to think on this offer and he heads back to his house.

And then in chapter three, he has that mouse dream again, except this time the Clan cats are in it. And he's all, like, oh, will I/won't I. And out in the garden, he has another conversation with his friend Smudge, and tells him about it, and ultimately decides he's gonna go join ThunderClan. And Smudge is like, no, don't go. But Rusty's like, no, I must. And they have a nice morning saying goodbye. And after his little goodbye tour, Rusty goes up and meets with Lionheart and goes back to the ThunderClan camp. And Bluestar calls a camp meeting. And she's like, hey, this cat is joining us. And everyone's like, ew, this is a kittypet.

And Rusty gets in a fight with Longtail to defend his honor. And there's a dramatic scene where his collar gets ripped off. And Bluestar officially declares him a Thunderclan cat apprentice and gives him the name Firepaw.

And then this apprentice cat runs back to camp injured and says that Redtail is dead. And then chapter four, our last chapter, everyone's like super upset by this news that Redtail died in battle with Riverclan. The apprentice cat says Redtail was killed by Oakheart, who was then killed by Tigerclaw, and Tigerclaw comes back with Redtail's body. Then there's some exposition about StarClan, which is where dead cats go.

Everyone goes to mourn Redtail, who was the clan deputy. Graypaw takes Firepaw on a little tour. And then later that night Bluestar announces that she's appointing a new deputy. And Firepaw notices that Tigerclaw looks very eager to hear the news, but it's actually Lionheart who is appointed the new deputy instead. Firepaw and Graypaw head to the apprentice den to sleep, where a cat named Sandpaw tells him he smells bad, which is extremely rude.

LIZ: He's a stinky boy.

PAZ: And Firepaw goes to sleep, and it ends thinking, he's like, Oh, I'm finally a member of ThunderClan. So that was our reading for this session.

JULIAN: I gotta say I did not expect there to be such-- I didn't expect, like, cats getting their balls stolen to be such a big plot point. I have like three separate notes that are just like, Rusty got his balls stole?

PAZ: Who was that? It was like Henry or something.

JULIAN: Henry, yeah.

PAZ: Ever since Henry went to the vet, he's stupid and lazy. It's because his balls are gone.

LIZ: They came at it right from the beginning. I wasn't expecting it so soon. And also, I guess from like, technically, from a children's novel, right, like, balls front and center.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't-- you didn't really need to address that, I don't think.

JULIAN: It's like the crux of the reason that Rusty becomes a warrior, his castration anxiety.

PAZ: Yeah, he's like, Oh, I don't want to go to the vet and get like the snip or whatever they call it. And everyone's like-- everyone's acting like if you get your balls cut off, you get brainwashed or something. They're like, you change.

LIZ: Yeah, it's treated with the same weight as like, a lobotomy. And also, it is not called the snip. It's called, with capital letters, The Cutting. So is this a question of like, bodily autonomy or biological essentialism? That is the question.

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: The gender politics of this book are bizarre.

PAZ: Yeah, they really are quite bizarre. Very like, I don't know. Like they call all the female cats queens. All cats are queens. And all the male cats toms. But if you get your balls cut off, you aren't a tom anymore. Fuck you. So don't get your balls cut off.

JULIAN: Also Bluestar is a hashtag girl boss.

PAZ: Oh, fuck yeah. Is Bluestar a milf is, I think, a question that is on all our minds.

JULIAN: I would say yes.

LIZ: Is it on all our minds?

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: I mean, it is now.

LIZ: That's true.

PAZ: But yeah, anyway, the ball politics, very, very weird. I think--

LIZ: Excuse you, ballotics.

PAZ: The ballotics, yes. I also think like the weird politics around like, cat ownership are also very bizarre. It was like, house cats are miserable.

JULIAN: Right?

PAZ: And only wild cats are free.

JULIAN: It seems like the author is taking a very strong stance against trap neuter return programs for feral cats.

PAZ: Yeah, that kind of is what that all adds up to, huh?

LIZ: It's like, how much of this is just oh, I'm writing a fun fantasy thing about talking cats, and how much of it is like, cats should be free and in the wild. And also, we should never keep them indoors.

PAZ: But then there's also like, it's also a plot point that they're running out of prey, like they're having a food shortage.

LIZ: So I'm like, okay, what's your stance? That cats are a strain on the environment? Or that cats should not be kept as pets? Or is that just coincidental? Like, did the author not even think about it? Because that's also pretty common just fantasy, or just general story narrative. Oh, limited resources. Is that related to letting all these housecats be strays and not doing anything about it? I don't know.

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: Well, and it seems like all of the people in this neighborhood just let their cats outside, which I guess was more common in 2003, but.

PAZ: Did you say there was debate of like whether this took place in England or America? Because I know, I think in the UK, people let their cats out even more, so.

LIZ: Oh, I can't imagine these cats as British. That's too much.

PAZ: No?

LIZ: I don't want to. I can see like the animated movie of this where one of the cats just opens its mouth, and it just sounds like the most upper class rich person cat in the world. Pretty much exactly like the Guardians of Gahoole movie, actually.

JULIAN: I think these cats have like Cockney accents. These are like rough and scrappy cats. These are not like RP cats.

PAZ: Yeah, I have to agree with that. It's the kittypets that would be all proper. Maybe when you get your balls cut off, you get an upperclass accent.

LIZ: Oh no. That's the worst.

JULIAN: Oh no.

PAZ: I don't know, it's so weird.

LIZ: Powerful ballitical steps.

JULIAN: They also, the way they talk about like cat food is just the most unappetizing, like viscerally unpleasant. They're "stale little pellets." And it's like, well, damn.

PAZ: Yeah, that's what I mean.

JULIAN: My cat does not seem that unhappy to eat them.

LIZ: Doesn't Kip like-- that is, by the way, Paz's amazing celebrity cat. Doesn't Kip just like prefer that?

PAZ: Yeah. Kip likes dry cat food because he likes to crunch things. I mean, he also does hunt and kill mice. But I don't know. He's perfectly happy to eat dry cat food too.

LIZ: Yeah, that was like, that part was like, when I'm like, what are these politics about cat ownership? Cause you're really making being a house cat seem like a prison or something.

JULIAN: Do the Twolegs know that their cats are sentient?

PAZ: I don't know. I don't remember how humans are handled really in this series. Like if they--

JULIAN: I think it comes up slightly-- like a little bit later in one of the books, in like book five or something. But I don't think like. I don't remember if cats are shown as being able to understand human speech. Because they can definitely understand dog speech.

PAZ: Oh, my God, they can.

JULIAN: That will come up.

PAZ: Oh my god, I don't remember that.

LIZ: Wait, fuck. Do they meet dogs? What are the dogs like?

PAZ: Oh, I was just gonna say so they can understand dog speech. But can they not understand like, mouse speech? Are mice like, nonsentient? Are there like levels of sentience in this world?

JULIAN: Yeah, there's a lot of unsolved philosophical questions about sentience and autonomy in these books.

PAZ: And that's what we're here to answer.

JULIAN: Like, this isn't a Redwall situation where all of the animals are sentient.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: This is like a like-- because it doesn't seem like mice are. They just squeak.

LIZ: It's hierarchical. Like, is there a possible future in which the Warrior Cats will like establish themselves as a quote unquote "civilization" enough that they like establish agriculture and livestock? Are there going to be cats keeping like little cages and fields with mice domesticated? And will those mice eventually gain their own society?

JULIAN: Oh shit.

LIZ: Which the cats can't understand.

PAZ: So is domestication the route to sentience here? Is that what we're saying?

LIZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: When will the cats invent capitalism?

PAZ: Okay, that's another point like, I gotta say.

JULIAN: Because they already have a scarcity based economy. Why don't they just trade prey?

PAZ: But I also do like that, you know, they have like, universal health care. And then they, you know, all cats in the Clan are taken care of, and the old cats get food too. I'm like, damn, these cats have a better system going on than I got.

LIZ: I wish that was me.

JULIAN: My main question about the elders is, I love that they are taken care of and valued for their wisdom. Do they get like new names when they become elders? Because I hope that Halfear's name was not always Halfear.

PAZ: Yeah, some of the names are very, like, very specific. I don't think they do. I don't know. Maybe you can change your name.

LIZ: I mean, Rusty got to change his name pretty easily.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: That's true.

LIZ: I mean, I guess--

JULIAN: Oh sorry, it was Halftail.

PAZ: What if Halftail used to be like Longtail or whatever, and then?

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Or maybe like, maybe that was a situation where it was a cat born with like a short tail. Who can say?

JULIAN: That's true.

LIZ: I love those. Those are great.

Yeah, I can see as like, this is just a cultural thing where like you get to a certain age, you can change it if you want, based on how you feeling. But also, I think, I guess like the real or meta answer is, this is a kid's book. And if you have a little grandma cat, you're gonna call that cat, like, Wrinkletail.

PAZ: Do you know the naming scheme setup in Warrior Cats, though, Liz?

LIZ: It like seems to be thing, cat-related word, sometimes.

PAZ: So it's like, the kittens are like, __kit. I think, correct me if I'm wrong.

JULIAN: Mm-hmm.

PAZ: And then the apprentices are like, __paw, like Firepaw. And then once they graduate into being warriors, they get like that second half of their name. I totally forget where that comes from and like who chooses it.

LIZ: Like a surname or?

PAZ: No, like, I think Graypaw becomes Graystripe, for example.

JULIAN: Yeah. And like, Sandpaw becomes Sandstorm.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: So it's like, it's really just a second half of the name that sounds cool. I think Bluestar gives them, because we see that happen in this--

PAZ: Do we?

JULIAN: In the end of chapter four, right? Doesn't someone become a warrior and then takes an apprentice?

PAZ: Oh, I thought somebody was already a warrior. And it's like, Here's your first apprentice.

JULIAN: I may be misremembering this.

PAZ: I mean, that's probably right though, cuz she gives him the name Firepaw, so. I don't know.

LIZ: So I guess it is like cultural then, at least as a coming of age thing, which is, you know, that works for plenty of human people in the real world. It also makes sense why all the teens are called __paw so I couldn't tell them apart.

PAZ: Yeah, and then the leader of the clan is always like __star. So like Bluestar.

JULIAN: The naming conventions did make it very, very confusing. I was briefly a tag wrangler, for the AO3 Warrior Cats fandom.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Which is 50% actual Warrior Cats fanfic and 50% people uploading RP logs. So not only did I have to make sure that I was tracing canon characters, like through their life cycle, and there are a lot of canon characters who end up sharing the same prefix, which makes that hard. Thank you to the Warrior Cats wiki, which is exhaustive. But then I also had to make sure that it wasn't like an RP OC that just happened to share the same name as a canon character.

PAZ: Yeah, that sounds like a nightmare.

JULIAN: It was kind of fun, but also hellish.

PAZ: Yeah. I mean, like I'm not even like-- because in these like four chapters we got, we already have the main characters with like two different names. They'll just keep coming.

JULIAN: That's why the front of the book has that like cast of characters.

PAZ: They do, yeah.

JULIAN: Which is very helpful. Thank you. All books should have that.

LIZ: Yeah, the fucking dramatis personae for Warrior Cats.

PAZ: They also have like great maps. I loved the maps on the front of the book as a kid.

JULIAN: Oh, the maps were really nice.

LIZ: Um, yeah, I have the ebook on like Libby, and I think the chapter beginnings have like, little illustrations, just like black and white ones.

PAZ: Yeah, they do.

LIZ: They're nice.

JULIAN: Yeah, they're really nice. I don't think there were ever any, like full page illustrations, but.

PAZ: No, not that I remember.

LIZ: There should be like, a deluxe anniversary, whatever edition, and it should just have full page, like, meticulously inked illustrations for like, big battles and dramatic moments. Just woodblocks.

JULIAN: There were Special Edition books, like the big-- that were sort of standalone stories. And those were always-- I don't think they had like big illustrations, but they were always bound really nicely. They were like gold.

PAZ: Yeah. That's where fucking SkyClan, whoever the fuck they are introduced. I think in that, I don't know, like Firestar's Journey one, which I do have. It has the cool gold cover that's reflective.

JULIAN: I always wanted my parents to buy them for me, but they would only buy me the main ones because the special editions were very expensive and we could get them from the library.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: Now did you guys ever get them at like book fairs or those little Scholastic Book order things? Cause that's how I got my owl books, basically.

PAZ: Yeah, probably. That's where I got a lot of my books like in general.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think they were mostly Barnes and Noble. Because I would always get-- various people would give me Barnes and Noble gift cards as a child.

LIZ: Oh, yeah, same.

JULIAN: So we would go to the Barnes and Noble and I would pick out either my Warrior Cats or my manga.

LIZ: Those things should be next to each other. The crossover is--

JULIAN: Oh, they were.

PAZ: I mean, there's a Warrior Cats manga. It's just the best of both worlds.

LIZ: That's how you make the gradient. Manga, Warrior Cats manga in the middle, and then Warrior Cats just straight up on the next side.

JULIAN: They knew what they were about.

LIZ: Also I guess, like, what forms are you guys reading them in now? Since that's what we're talking about.

PAZ: Um, you mean like what we're reading the first book on?

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I am reading my paper copy that I have from when I was a child that apparently only cost $3 when I bought it.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

PAZ: And it's extremely old and crinkly.

LIZ: Books haven't been $3, like paper books, in so long.

PAZ: I know. This book is a relic.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Yeah, I'm just reading on the ebook. which I got from the library. But I might try the audiobook. I'm very curious to see how the audiobook narrator handles the fight scenes.

LIZ: That sounds actually wonderful.

JULIAN: Also I want to know if they do voices.

PAZ: Please. Can we talk about the dialogue tags of like, purred and meowed? Because it kills me every time.

JULIAN: It has such said as dead disease.

PAZ: I know it really does. But also like, purred, like, I don't-- it always like, it's like a seductive word.

JULIAN: I know.

PAZ: I'm like, please stop using that. This is a weird connotation.

JULIAN: I guess the thing is that like, cats can't technically talk.

LIZ: They can say, though.

JULIAN: So you can't use...

PAZ: Well, they're talking in this book, so. Just vague to say so.

JULIAN: It's a lot of like, so-and-so meowed. This person like, echoed, whispered.

PAZ: Purred.

LIZ: Yelled. Lots of yelled.

JULIAN: Yeah. These books are violent also. I did not remember.

PAZ: Oh yeah, they are.

LIZ: Oh yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, someone is brutally killed in like the first four chapters by this very, I mean, we got this like political intrigue kind of going on.

JULIAN: Yeah, there's a lot of border anxiety.

LIZ: This, this has, like, this is a-- this is not a-- mm, conspiracy? I don't know. But like, this is a murder mystery. Right? This follows the structure of so many. Like the newcomer with fresh eyes comes into this reclusive group and discovers the secret murder within its mists. And it's got political motivations. And it's very interesting.

JULIAN: Hold on to that.

PAZ: I mean, I think one character is very clearly evil-coded. Immediately. But it is a child's novel, so.

LIZ: It's a child's novel, but also there's just like grisly murder in this.

PAZ: Oh, yeah.

LIZ: There's lots of bleeding. So what, I'm interested to see what are the lines of like, what's allowed and what's not based on what the author is thinking?

PAZ: Yeah, I feel like eventually, like characters also die in childbirth. I might be misremembering, but like.

JULIAN: No, there's definitely stuff in childbirth.

PAZ: Bad shit happens to-- yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's like, I feel like it's kind of glossed over. Like we don't see anybody's like entrails but like, pretty much up to that point, everything is out there.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I think at one point like, a cat gets injured and like the bone is described. Like it's, they go for it. Which is why 50% of the fics on AO3 had the graphic depiction of violence tag. Which is the highest ratio I have ever seen.

LIZ: And to be fair, I think that's a common thing within this genre of like, extremely violent animal conflict society books for kids. Cause the fucking owl books were like, we've got stabbing, swords.

PAZ: Those were brutal.

LIZ: We've got claws on our claws, extra claws.

JULIAN: I forgot the owls had like swords.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: They didn't. I think they did. They also had like special gauntlets full of live coals for their feats to use as weapons.

PAZ: And I know one-- there was attempted, like siblings. Siblicide in the owl books. You know?

LIZ: From the first chapter, yeah.

PAZ: Kids eat this up.

LIZ: I remember those clearly. Yeah, I think this is the same with like-- probably whatever talking wolf book is out there, it's going to be just the same.

PAZ: Is there a wolf book?

LIZ: There have to be multiple ones. I know that the owl books have like a wolf book subseries.

PAZ: Of course.

LIZ: I've been told that there's like one series about bats that is also extremely like this.

PAZ: Oh, I read that one. I loved that one. That one was also real fucked up.

LIZ: Yeah, this is the bread and butter for kids.

JULIAN: Kids love violence is the thing. It's like, my brother is 10 and like, just finished reading all the Warrior Cats books.

LIZ: Wow, magical times.

JULIAN: I know. So all of my old Warrior Cats books are at home and in use. But like, kids are violent.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yep.

JULIAN: They eat that up.

PAZ: They do. Yeah, I'm like, Warrior Cats is so much fighting. That's like, if it's not like clan politics, or like interpersonal drama, then it's like the fight scenes. Those are the three things Warrior Cats does.

JULIAN: And like, in their defense, the fight scenes are like, they're interesting to read. You know? I feel like they're fairly well choreographed and stuff. I cannot believe that I came out of reading Warrior Cats-- growing up on Warrior Cats being completely unable to write any fights, but. There it is.

PAZ: Well, you probably weren't writing--

JULIAN: Maybe I just need to write more cats.

PAZ: Yeah. Yeah, they are cats. So that does change the fight dynamic a little bit.

LIZ: You've got to work up from cats. It's like do cats, and then do cat boys. And then you know, whatever comes after that. I have no idea.

PAZ: Uh huh.

JULIAN: I mean, I think what comes after cat boys is just boys.

LIZ: Hmm. Interesting. Never thought of that one.

PAZ: But yeah, I mean, so obviously Tigerclaw is evil.

LIZ: Yeah, there's like at the end, when the other cat gets like the position that he wants. Like, it's described as like, he nudged him so hard that he almost bowled him over. And that's the clear evilness of again, completely regular looking cats.

PAZ: I feel like he gets fucked up looking later, but I can't remember.

JULIAN: I think he might be a little fucked up looking already. He has like some scars.

LIZ: All cats are beautiful.

JULIAN: But all of the cats. All of the cats are a little fucked up looking because they've been in the wild.

PAZ: Also, I like legit can't remember, because like I said, I only read the first two books of this series. But do you think he probably murdered that other cat? That's what I'm assuming at this point, anyway, so.

LIZ: Yeah. 100%.

PAZ: Great. Great start

LIZ: Yeah, cuz the apprentice that got injured and like came back-- I don't remember the name because again, they're all teens with the same thing to me. But like, he asked like, oh, is Tigerclaw gone, or? And then like gets all quiet when he's around. Which is probably very subtle for the children. And yeah, I thought that was like good framing given like the medium and stuff.

PAZ: No, no, I think it's a good start to like, this book. But like I said, I thought Firepaw was really boring as a child. And I gotta say, he's still not impressing me.

LIZ: Yeah, he's very much just like protagonist boy.

JULIAN: Yeah, he has JRPG like protagonist syndrome.

PAZ: Like I know in the New Prophecy, I loved all those characters so much.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: And then going from that to Firepaw, I'm like, wow, you're like white bread.

JULIAN: At least he's better than Graypaw, who's literal-- who's just exposition boy.

JULIAN: exposition boy.

PAZ: Oh my god. I know. I think I must have said he did exposition at least three times in my summary. But like that is literally all he did.

LIZ: Yeah, he's really--

JULIAN: That's all he does.

LIZ: He's your best friend. And when you click on him, he just tells you the lore.

PAZ: Yeah, he has those like dialogue trees you can just go through for like 20 minutes and just learn all about your new RPG world.

LIZ: Which is in the forest with a bunch of cats.

JULIAN: There you go.

I forgot how tsundere Sandpaw was.

PAZ: I don't remember. I don't remember who Firepaw ends up with? I'm assuming maybe-- I don't-- Sandpaw? I don't know. I don't remember.

LIZ: It feels like it's setting it up really early in the like, typical way.

PAZ: Well, it's good that he still has his balls.

LIZ: He sure does. Hey, when we were talking about like, all the violence before, and you know what, what's so graphic that can be included in a children's novel? Again, the balls just immediately.

JULIAN: They also talk about like, pooping very early.

PAZ: Oh, yeah. Their dirt.

JULIAN: He's described as like making dirt. Which is just like, all right. Thanks, Erin Hunter.

PAZ: Yeah, the what it decides to be realistic on is very funny.

JULIAN: Like, what do cats do? They eat, they fight, they shit, they sleep. They have intense interpersonal and like interclan drama.

PAZ: They have religion.

JULIAN: What else is there?

LIZ: Do they have literature? Or philosophy?

JULIAN: No. Uh...

LIZ: Because...

JULIAN: I mean I feel like their philosophy is-- or like religion and philosophy are sort of, you know.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: I can see the-- I mean, they do have like a strong oral tradition. So I...

PAZ: Absolutely. Yeah.

JULIAN: I think there was some discussion at some point of like, sagas or something, maybe. I might be making that up.

PAZ: No, that sounds right. I don't know.

LIZ: Sounds like it would fit in perfectly.

JULIAN: Right. They can't sing.

LIZ: Especially since they have-- yeah, they have like the lore thing about the afterlife or whatever. So that has to be--

PAZ: StarClan.

LIZ: Yeah, there has to be passed down somehow.

JULIAN: Yep.

PAZ: Yeah, the medicine cats are like the-- they're like doctors slash religious people. I don't know, like your oracles.

LIZ: The medicine stuff is very interesting, because I'm wondering how much of it is just going to be like, just nature-y items that sound cool, like spider webs, versus how much of this is like even the slightest bit medical sounding. Like are they going to use, I don't know, something for poison ivy, or like herbs. Because they're cats

JULIAN: They use a lot of herbs.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Okay, that's cool.

JULIAN: At one point I did like a full before the little-- they issued like a little guide to the clans book that had a list of all of the herbs they used, which was released several months after I finished my exhaustive list of all of the herbs used in all of the books, which I was going to post on the forums.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: Tragedy. But most of the herbs, I think, if I remember correctly, like they mostly-- the uses like checked out for humans. Like even spider webs are like dirty, but apparently do have like some coagulant properties. Like I wouldn't use them, but.

LIZ: As a cat you would use them. Yeah, that's really interesting.

PAZ: I loved the medicine cats and I loved all the medicine cat characters like as a child. I don't know.

JULIAN: They're very good characters.

PAZ: I just consistently liked those characters.

LIZ: Well, yeah, you can have like the grumpy doctor character who has the bad bedside manner. And you can have the one who's like, you know, a religious figure because the religion's already tied into this, apparently.

PAZ: That's like Jayfeather.

LIZ: Yeah? So like--

PAZ: Yeah, you get like literal like blind oracles.

LIZ: Hold on, Jay-feather, like J dash feather, like his SoundCloud name?

PAZ: Yeah, that's what happens in that series.

LIZ: So do these cats also have like, catnip?

JULIAN: Ooh.

PAZ: I don't know. I don't know if they get cat weed.

LIZ: They should have cat weed.

JULIAN: I'm trying to remember.

PAZ: I feel like they might.

JULIAN: Hold up, we can find out.

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Let me go to the wiki.

PAZ: Yes, please, please, please.

LIZ: Because if we're talking about cat herbs, we have to talk about the cat herb.

JULIAN: The Warriors wiki is exhaustively researched. It has 4250 pages.

PAZ: Holy shit.

LIZ: I truly wish we had that for like, Friends at the Table. Friends at the Table wiki is good, but a lot of it is-- the show is long. Would love to have some pages filled out some more.

JULIAN: All right, pulling up the list. There is a full list of all the medicine used. Catnip.

PAZ: Yes.

LIZ: Fuck yes.

JULIAN: Mostly found in Twoleg gardens. Can specifically be found at the Twoleg place near ThunderClan's forest territory.

PAZ: Why does ThunderClan get all the dank herb?

JULIAN: It's the best remedy for the-- [laughter] it's the best remedy for the deadly greencough, which cats can catch in the season of Leafbare. Can also be used for whitecough. Can be considered dangerous in extremely high dosages, so don't go nuts.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, they do not describe anything about them getting high off of it.

PAZ: Cowards.

LIZ: You can talk about balls but you can't talk about weed.

JULIAN: You have to give the weed to the kits though if they get sick.

PAZ: Listen, if I was the other clans, I'd be going into ThunderClan territory to get all that catnip, frankly.

LIZ: They should, if they can't, if they're not going to do agriculture, which is fine, they could be trading. Like oh, here's some locally sourced, seasonal, gathered cat weed. And we will trade it to you for some fish.

JULIAN: Right?

PAZ: I feel like maybe they do trade and at some point. I mean, like they haven't--

JULIAN: Maybe.

PAZ: Like this hasn't come up yet, but they do have like big cat conferences together. And they're like, what's the news?

LIZ: Cat con.

PAZ: Yeah, cat con.

JULIAN: Okay, one thing that I did discover on the wiki that I do love is that all of the footnotes for all of these things say "revealed in" and then the name of the book and the page.

PAZ: These books are actually prophetic texts gifted to us by Erin Hunter, who knows the truth.

JULIAN: Thanks Erin Hunter, all eight of her.

LIZ: I don't know. How close of an eye are you keeping on your cats? How do you know they're not gonna be warriors?

PAZ: Cause they got their balls cut off. They can't be.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's true. Chickpea can never be a warrior.

LIZ: Okay, since we're talking about this is that-- at no point, do they never meet like a neutered cat who's just like cool and fine?

PAZ: They definitely meet other like quote unquote "kittypets." But I think a lot of them were like cool barn cats so they probably do still have their balls. I don't know.

LIZ: I don't know. I've met your cats. They seem like pretty rowdy when they want to be.

PAZ: Kip catches and kills mice quite frequently.

LIZ: You don't need your balls to kill mice.

PAZ: The discrimination in this society based purely on balls is very-- that's a lot.

LIZ: There is a deez nuts joke somewhere in here. But I don't know what it is.

JULIAN: Yeah, unfortunately there is no wiki page for the Cutter. So I don't know if it becomes as important a plot point later.

LIZ: Wait, is the mortal enemy of all cats just one vet, like in the neighborhood?

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: Cause these are fairly local clans. Is the enemy just like one vet? His name is just like--

PAZ: The picture.

JULIAN: Wait.

PAZ: So Julian linked this page. And the thumbnail is just a woman giving a thumbs up like.

JULIAN: Hold up, let me show you the page for-- let me show you the page for dog.

PAZ: Oh, please.

[cackling]

JULIAN: It's someone's like little like greyhound or whippet sitting in a dog bed next to the first Warriors book. Like this is clearly one of the wiki editors' actual real dog.

PAZ: Okay wait.

LIZ: This wiki is art.

PAZ: Henry the cat who got his balls cut off does have a page.

JULIAN: I looked to see if there was anything specifically about the Cutter, but it's just like Henry got his balls caught off and then he sucked.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Wouldn't it be amazing if like Henry came back at the end of this series, and he was like, really cool and, and could, I don't know, get them cat weed or something?

PAZ: I'm sure someone wrote that. I don't know.

JULIAN: Stoner Henry.

PAZ: He's living apparently.

LIZ: Good for him.

PAZ: See? Good for him.

LIZ: He's having a wonderful life. He doesn't have to worry about like ticks or coyotes.

PAZ: Oh, oh--

JULIAN: He'll never get heartworms.

PAZ: Okay, I went to the kittypet page. Here's another mention of the Cutter. "I know all about being a kittypet and it's not as easy as you think. You only eat when the Twolegs give you food. You only go in and out when the Twoleg says you can. Is that what you really want? And then there's the Cutter." Macgyver. Macgyver says this.

LIZ: It's just the one vet who runs like the clinic. It's just like, Dr. Somebody.

PAZ: I need to stop clicking on this wiki.

JULIAN: It will really drag you down into a hole. I unfortunately have looked it up. There are only two works about Henry the kittypet.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: On the entirety of AO3.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Tragic.

PAZ: Hold on, there's like a new kittypet slur just dropped. They're known as everkits.

LIZ: This is so weird.

JULIAN: Jesus.

LIZ: Why would you need to expand on this?

JULIAN: Yeah, and in both of these fics, Henry doesn't get any character development.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: No. We're putting out a call, please.

JULIAN: Justice for Henry.

LIZ: Justice for Henry, who was apparently just like a big nice cat. If we met I'd be a friend.

JULIAN: Just a sweet guy. Just a pal.

LIZ: He's a little sleepy. So what? He's old. Do old cats that--

PAZ: Oh my god. Holy shit.

LIZ: --don't have their balls cut off not get sleepy? Yeah?

PAZ: Kittypets go nowhere when they die.

JULIAN: What the fuck?

PAZ: Although they may still appear as spirits and potentially be visited.

LIZ: What the fuck? So the biological essentialism extends into the afterlife.

PAZ: The soul is stored in the balls.

LIZ: That's an episode title, thank you.

JULIAN: Yeah, there we go. You're telling me that if you get your balls stole, you can't go to heaven?

LIZ: Oh my god, Henry's gonna go to cat hell.

JULIAN: Oh, no, he won't go to hell because that also exists.

PAZ: Oh my, I don't remember that.

LIZ: So cat purgatory?

PAZ: No, they just go nowhere.

LIZ: Cat limbo?

JULIAN: Paz, it's the Place of No Stars.

PAZ: Oh, okay. I remember that name.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: That's so sad.

PAZ: Oh my-- this is just like the bad like racism allegory in Harry Potter.

LIZ: Wait, wait. Also, since like getting your balls cut off-- I couldn't remember the actual name that we, you know, humans call it.

JULIAN: Neutering.

LIZ: Right, neutering. Neutering for cats is not like a choice that a cat consciously makes. So within the logic of the story, even though they are, to the other cats, victims, they can't go to cat heaven.

PAZ: I mean, I guess that's-- I don't know. I could be wrong about this in Christianity, but like don't you have to get bap-- don't you have to actively get baptized and not go to hell? It's like that. It's like it's your fault if you got your balls cut off.

JULIAN: Yeah, I mean, if you--

PAZ: Should have been more proactive.

JULIAN: If you don't get baptized, you do go to limbo.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: But you can I think maybe work your way up to heaven? I should be clearer on this.

PAZ: Well.

LIZ: I'm the farthest removed person from this. I don't know.

PAZ: Well, no such grace for cats who got their balls cut off.

LIZ: Henry.

JULIAN: It also kind of makes sense because like Starclan is not-- Starclan is like very culturally specific. It's like these cats' ancestors. So like the kittypets probably wouldn't want to hang out with them. They would probably be racist towards.

LIZ: Is there like bloodline purity bullshitt in this?

PAZ: Yeah, I just copy pasted something. Many Clanborn cats do not trust cats with kittypet blood. There's also like a lot of drama about like interclan relationships.

JULIAN: Oh God, the interclan relationships are so much. Yeah.

LIZ: Wait, before we get into that, I want to draw our attention to one of these names that you've copy pasted, which is Berrynose, which is a perfect name.

PAZ: I love that.

LIZ: That's very cute.

JULIAN: It's a very cute name.

LIZ: Yeah. Henry is a great name for cat. I love cats that they're just like...

PAZ: That's just a guy.

LIZ: Yeah, that's just a guy.

JULIAN: It's like Oliver. Just a human name.

PAZ: That's just a man. I love Henry and I defend Henry to my dying breath.

JULIAN: I want to give Henry some pets.

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: I don't want to pet any of these feral cats. They'll take my hand off.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: No, no. What were we talking about-- oh, the interclan drama.

JULIAN: The interclan politics. Yeah, there's a lot of like, just you know, they have to enforce the borders because if another Clan comes and steals their prey, that'll be bad.

PAZ: Cat nationalism.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: No, I guess like real cats have like territory, but it's probably not--

PAZ: That's true.

LIZ: --quite so like bordered

PAZ: I'm not a like cat behavior expert. I don't know.

JULIAN: I am also not a cat behavior expert, but I don't think they're--

PAZ: They're not patrolling.

JULIAN: --having pitched battles every two months.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: No, no.

LIZ: Is there like clan intermarriage? What if two cats fall in love?

PAZ: It's always like a Romeo and Juliet situation.

LIZ: Exactly.

JULIAN: Mm-hmm. It's a scandal.

LIZ: Okay, also is there cat Hamlet in this? I feel like that would work very well.

PAZ: I feel like there is.

LIZ: I mean, the murder mystery--

JULIAN: There are ghosts.

PAZ: Yeah, there are ghosts.

LIZ: Who are of course the kitty cat-- kittypets because they got their balls. And they can't ascend to heaven or hell.

PAZ: No, I think all cats can be ghosts. I don't know.

JULIAN: There's also-- because like the medicine cats like sometimes see visions like, from specific cats who have died.

PAZ: They're like in StarClan, but they come back as ghosts.

JULIAN: They can come back and talk to you.

PAZ: A lot.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: A lot to take in, I know.

JULIAN: There's a lot to unpack here.

LIZ: Like, I can see how this is supposed to be its own, like, cat universe with its own like laws, culture, and so on. But also, it's very much like, this is probably a Christian person wrote it, right? I don't know anything about the author.

PAZ: Oh, we haven't mentioned this.

JULIAN: Oh, we gotta get into Erin Hunter.

PAZ: Erin Hunter is in fact, three people. I don't know if there's more people now.

LIZ: Oh my god. You told me this before but

JULIAN: I think Erin Hunter might rotate.

LIZ: Fucks me up every time.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm not sure like how they write it. Like if it's all collaborative, or if like one author does one book but.

JULIAN: Seven people.

LIZ: Oh my God.

PAZ: Oh, my God, I swear was only three people when I--

LIZ: This is just like Nancy Drew.

JULIAN: It started out as three people.

PAZ: That's insane.

LIZ: This could be--

JULIAN: Katie Carrie and Cherith Baldry took turns writing it. And Vicki Holmes used to coordinate, but I assume some of these other people have switched in. Oh, a lot of them are British. They are in fact all British, I think.

PAZ: So these cats do have Cockney accents.

JULIAN: Perfect.

PAZ: Good to know. The first Erin. I'm on the Who is Erin-- the Other Erins.

LIZ: It's like a collective pen name, right?

JULIAN: Yeah. Cause--

PAZ: Oh my god. The first Erin says, "I'm more of a dog person."

JULIAN: Excuse me?

LIZ: What the fuck.

PAZ: This is scandalous. Holy shit.

LIZ: This shakes the ground of the cat religion, I think.

PAZ: The second Erin has a very nice picture with her cat. So that's acceptable.

LIZ: That's a wonderful cat.

JULIAN: Yeah, the wiki has the list of all of the current and former Erins.

PAZ: This is so funny,

JULIAN: Seven people.

LIZ: Now that we're actually talking about these seven authors, and also because we talked about, I guess, the politics in Warrior Cats about the domestication of cats before.

PAZ: Uh huh.

LIZ: It's probably just a lot of, because this is a fantasy story about cats, we gotta spice it up and give them their own points of view, as cats probably, on being domesticated for a kids series maybe? Or also, it doesn't matter and we don't have to talk about it. I don't know. I'm just reeling from--

PAZ: I mean, I think I think it's very interesting to consider. I also think it's interesting that they're British, like I was saying, because I do think that in the UK it's like more common to have cats roam around outside like, even to this day.

JULIAN: I think so too.

PAZ: I could be wrong. Sorry, any British listeners?

LIZ: Are there coyotes in England or whatever?

PAZ: No, I think that's part of it is like there's less like predators who would like eat the cat. There's no coyotes.

LIZ: There's fucking coyotes here in good old California.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think it's just you-- the only things you really have to worry about are like cars and the occasional hawk.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Do they fight a badger at some point or am I mixing up my Redwall?

PAZ: I definitely remember a badger, I swear.

LIZ: Badgers show up so much in these kinds of like books. There's definitely badgers in the owl books. I feel like there's probably badgers in Redwall, which was not my bag but, you know.

JULIAN: I definitely expected there to be more badgers like out in the world based on how much they figured into like this kind of book.

LIZ: Yeah. They're always like oh, it's the tough old badger who's like a blacksmith or makes armor or something.

PAZ: Badgers aren't sentient in this universe, though, so. Just so you know.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Or maybe they are. I don't know.

LIZ: What is the sentience based on, or is it just like we can't speak their language?

PAZ: Who knows?

JULIAN: I mean also like they can understand dogs or like talk to dogs, but it's like very rudimentary. Like the dog speech that they hear is like, "pack, pack. Kill, kill." It is not like...

PAZ: Beautiful.

LIZ: Do you think the cats to the dogs sound just like, "meow. Fish. Sleepy. Sit on keyboard."

PAZ: Not these cats. These cats want blood.

LIZ: "Kill, maim."

PAZ: "Violence." Okay, well, is there-- do we have anything else to say about the reading so far?

JULIAN: I think we've mostly covered the points that I wanted to make sure we hit.

PAZ: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, what we already established Bluestar is girlboss so don't need to go into any of that anymore.

JULIAN: Yep.

PAZ: I am excited to keep reading because I really don't remember anything is what I will say.

JULIAN: Me too. Yeah.

LIZ: Me three.

JULIAN: I'm excited to continue to read these books and see how much weirder they get.

PAZ: Absolutely, because they do get weird.

LIZ: It's already pretty weird. So I'm excited for that.

PAZ: Liz, do we want to get you assigned a Clan?

JULIAN: Oh, Liz's quiz. Yes.

PAZ: I think we should use this random fanmade one.

LIZ: We don't want to take the official one?

PAZ: No, cause it has that-- it has SkyClan. Who the fuck are they? We don't care about SkyClan.

LIZ: Well, how do you know I'm gonna get SkyClan?

JULIAN: That's true. Liz might not get SkyClan.

LIZ: That's an assumption on your part.

PAZ: If you want to. I think this quiz is funnier

JULIAN: The fan quiz is really incredible.

LIZ: Do you want me to read any, or should I just take it in silence?

PAZ: I'll read and you pick your answers, how does that sound?

LIZ: Alright, you're gonna do the clicking then.

PAZ: Okay. Question one. "You're hunting. What do you catch? Nothing. Hunting? Fish. Mice, voles, etc. Rabbits, maybe a mouse or two. Frogs, mice, really anything I stumble across."

LIZ: I think fish because that sounds tasty to me.

PAZ: "Your friend is in love with a cat from another clan. You tell him if he doesn't stop seeing that cat you will tell the leader. Like I care. I wouldn't do anything, love is love. Tell the leader." That's just the same as the first one.

LIZ: Why are so many of these about being fucking snitches?

PAZ: It is a militarized state.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Anyway, "talk to the cat your friend loves and convince them to stop seeing your friend. Keep the secret for your friend."

LIZ: Obviously, love is love between any cats.

PAZ: I see no difference. "Your friend is in love with you but you don't like him [laughs] you don't like him like that. What do you do? Stop being friends. Tell him you don't like him but try to stay friends. Flat out tell him you don't like them. Tell them that you already like someone but help them find the mate. Freak out and say you like them back even though you know you don't."

LIZ: No.

PAZ: "Try and change the subject."

LIZ: You know what, change the subject.

JULIAN: I picked freak out.

PAZ: "You have to choose between saving your kits, an elder, you friend, you friend, or the leader. Who do you choose? None of them, I don't need them. I would try to save them all. I would save my mate, I couldn't live without them. I would save my leader, the clan needs them. My friend, he's always been there for me. My kits, my mate would want the best for them."

LIZ: Is this the trolley problem?

PAZ: Well, no, you just have to pick one. Well, I guess everyone else gets killed. So yes.

LIZ: Hmm. Wasn't there one of the options all of them? Can I pick all of them?

PAZ: Yeah, "I would try to save them all." Okay.

LIZ: Yeah, I'm a very powerful cat.

PAZ: Okay, good to know. "You're face to face in battle with your sister who joined another clan. You leave the fight, I don't care anymore. Run away, I could never hurt anyone let alone my family. Scare her off, I don't want to hurt her but I'm loyal to my clan. Try to avoid her in battle, I don't want to fight my family." Some of these really just overlap, huh? Yeah.

"Try not to fight her but if she leaps, I won't hesitate."

LIZ: Is there one where it's just like, it's on sight?

PAZ: That's that one, "I won't hesitate."

LIZ: No, it says "try to avoid her" still. No. What if these fictional cats are having--

PAZ: The last one is "attack. She left the clan. It was her choice."

LIZ: I'm gonna say attack because I'm gonna say my fictional cat sister and I have a terrible dramatic relationship.

PAZ: Wow. Damn.

LIZ: Yep. We're going for tragedy here.

JULIAN: Incredible.

Unknown Speaker

"Clan or kin? Clan, kin, or myself."

LIZ: Um, well, it's not kin because I just said I would kill my sister on sight if she was a cat and I was a cat. Probably not my-- you know, I tried to save the entire cat clan before. It's gonna be myself. Some me time.

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: You're a--

PAZ: Did a little 180.

LIZ: Yeah, you don't know what to expect.

JULIAN: I was going to say we're going for found family here but no.

LIZ: No. Maybe I failed when I tried to save everyone and now I'm taking some time to reflect.

PAZ: This is a very tragic story arc. "Your leader makes you deputy. You you proudly stare at your clan. You try your best to be a good deputy. Freak out, refuse the offer. Smile at your clan as your mother's eyes gleam proud of you, that was all you cared about. Protect you clan with your heart."

LIZ: Mother's eyes, please.

PAZ: "Your mother's eyes gleam proud of you, that was all that you cared about?"

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

PAZ: That one? Okay. "Your friend from another clan is stealing your prey. You you ignore them, they're you friend. You take your prey back. You ask them why they're doing this and get your prey back. You scare them off not hurting them. You chase them off then report them to your leader."

LIZ: [gasps] No.

PAZ: "Attack them, just because we're friends doesn't mean I'll let him steal my prey.

LIZ: Wait, is that it? Is there no option to share?

PAZ: No, no sharing.

JULIAN: Uh, you could ignore them.

LIZ: I'll do--

JULIAN: That would share them.

LIZ: I'll ignore them.

JULIAN: That would be the closest you can get.

LIZ: I can't not-- I'm a fisher as we've established. I can just do it again.

PAZ: (muffled, laughing) This next question.

LIZ: Yeah?

JULIAN: Can I read it?

PAZ: Yes, please read it. Please read it.

JULIAN: "What cat is your mate? Voleheart, a brown tabby she cat with amber eyes, the sweetest cat you ever met. Scarpaw, a black tom with yellow eyes."

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: "A misunderstood cat."

LIZ: No, this is not my--

JULIAN: "Goldenmoon, a ginger she cat with light green eyes, the prettiest cat you ever seen. Barknose, a solid brown tom with blue eyes, you have knew him all your life. Rainpaw, a bluish gray she cat with dark blue eyes, a good fighter. I don't want a mate."

LIZ: Okay, I'm crossing off all of the toms because clearly this is a lesbian cat. I already forgot the names of the other ones. I'm gonna go--

JULIAN: You get sweet, pretty and good fighter.

LIZ: I will go with good fighter.

JULIAN: Are your choices. That's Rainpaw.

PAZ: Congrats.

LIZ: Yeah, we'll have a beautiful summer wedding full of fish.

PAZ: I want you to choose this next answer based solely off name. "What's your favorite cat out of these? Onestar? Tigerstar? Blackstar? Firestar? Stonefur? I can't choose."

LIZ: Seeing so many stars makes it feel kind of repetitive. I'm gonna go for Stonefur because that's two very conflicting textures.

PAZ: Okay. You like the intrigue?

LIZ: Yeah, the complexity, the figurative language implication.

PAZ: Let's see what what Clan you're in. RiverClan.

It's because I'm a fisher.

"You're a RiverClan cat. You most likely smart and witty."

LIZ: Most likely.

PAZ: Most likely. "You always keep your eye on the prize and won't take no for an answer. You like the summer and relaxing in the pool. You're very suspicious of new people and only trust someone you are close to."

LIZ: This is an interesting summary because I clearly did take no for an answer when my friend stole my fish and I didn't get to have it. And I guess it's fine with me. No, that's it. We've built the character.

PAZ: You could have been a kitty pet or a loner.

LIZ: Wow. Well, I won't be a loner because this cat got married, obviously.

PAZ: Yeah, congrats on your marriage.

LIZ: Thank you.

PAZ: Julian, did you take this quiz?

JULIAN: What did you get, Paz? Oh, I did. Don't worry.

PAZ: What's your result?

JULIAN: I got ShadowClan.

LIZ: Wow.

PAZ: Mysterious.

JULIAN: Yep, I'm "most likely funny and a mystery to most. I'm very secretive and blunt and I tend to hurt people without knowing. I know my rights and wrongs but my anger always gets me in trouble."

PAZ: Ooh, bad boy.

JULIAN: I was assigned evil at birth.

PAZ: I forgot to take this quiz before the show, but I took the official quiz and another quiz from HarperCollins and they both gave me SkyClan. But I don't really know anything about so um, that's great.

LIZ: Wait, you said they were exiles.

PAZ: They can jump really high apparently.

LIZ: Big jumper and exiled right?

PAZ: Yeah, exiled-- I know they lived in a gorge. I think I liked them in that book they were in a gorge but I don't know anything about them.

LIZ: You should take the one we took now and we can reveal it next time.

PAZ: Yeah, I'll report back.

JULIAN: Yes, perfect.

PAZ: Well, I think that wraps up this session everything we had to say. We got our clans assigned.

LIZ: Talked about the balls.

JULIAN: We talked about the balls. We talked about the politics.

PAZ: Yeah. And I'm very curious to see if both of those are reoccurring.

LIZ: Balls and politics?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Okay.

JULIAN: Ballotics.

PAZ: Yeah. Um, I didn't pick out what we're reading for next time but it'll probably be another chunk of chapters. Do we need like a cool sign off? I don't have a cool sign off.

LIZ: Is there like a Warrior Cats saying?

PAZ: Wait, let me google Warrior Cats sayings.

LIZ: Wait, can you-- can you two cat owners just get your cats to like meow into the mic and we can just have that at the end.

PAZ: Mm, no. Okay, a Warrior Cats guide. Exclamations, phrases and insults.

LIZ: I feel like this could also be a section next time.

PAZ: Oh yeah. May StarClan light your path. I remember that one. Classic.

LIZ: Unless you've got your balls cut off.

PAZ: Yeah, okay, may StarClan light your path unless you don't have balls, then fuck you. Bye, everyone.

LIZ: Bye.

[outro music]

#transcript #ep 01 #the soul is stored in the balls #into the wild ep

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mymelodyheart · 4 years ago

Text

Starting Over Chapter 11 ~The Devil's Advocate~

Geillis walked into Claire's bedroom with a tray of tea and placed it on a table. "Right, lass, start from the beginning. Tell us what happened."

Massaging the centre of her forehead, Claire took a breath. She hadn't been expecting Geillis and Joe to come this early in the day and bombard her with questions. She wished now she'd delayed sharing her news so she could wallow in her hangover. Alone.

After she'd walked out of the A&E last night, she'd bought a bottle of white wine, sent voice messages to her friends, including Jamie and her uncle explaining to them what happened and switched off her phone. She'd spent the night drinking and watching reruns of the stand-up comedian Kevin Bridges show, in the hope her favourite comic would somehow lessen the pain of losing her job. Then she'd ended up literally crawling to her bedroom and falling asleep on the floor until she was woken by her friends' frantic knocking.

Joe, who was sat beside her on the bed, squeezed her hand and gave her an encouraging nod.

"There's not much to say other than what I've already told you in the voice message," she sighed. "I had a showdown with Dr Brown and Frank, and when Frank threatened to destroy my career, I realised I've had enough. It's just not worth my peace of mind."

Joe stood up, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I'm going to kill that son of a bitch. I wish I'd done that a long time ago."

"Joe, I need you here and not in jail. So no more talks about killing, okay?" Claire coaxed, stifling a smile. "Come back here and sit down. Anger doesn't become you."

"But Frank can't be allowed to get away with that," Geillis fumed. "Ye need to get yersel' a lawyer and be advised appropriately on how to proceed. He's not that powerful that he can destroy your career. He's just a bloody doctor!"

Claire grabbed a newspaper at her side table and tossed it at the edge of the bed. "And a national treasure, according to The Guardian."

"Yeah, such a treasure that you want to bury him."

"So morbid, Joe," Claire clucked. "I know you both mean well, but let's drop the subject on Frank for now. Please? I left the hospital because I need to regroup. I can't fight him when I'm physically and emotionally drained, and Frank has been banking on my weakness to strategically manoeuver me back to his life. He's got the whole staff against me, and unknowingly, they're doing his dirty work for him. It's pointless reporting him now or getting involved with lawsuits when he's got the backing of a lot of important people inside and outside the hospital. What's important is I get to live another day to pick the right battle for me."

Geillis plonked herself on the bed and grabbed her hand. "So, what are your plans now? Transfer to another residency program?"

"No," she replied, shaking her head. "I'm taking a break for a few weeks. That should be enough time to sort my head and plan my next move."

"But what about your things?" Joe asked. "Shouldn't you call the police for that?"

"Frank can keep my stuff. I couldn't care less. While I was growing up with uncle Lamb, we had so little need for things because of the travelling we did. Actually, it's quite liberating not to have a lot of possessions to weigh me down. Travel light has always been my uncle's motto."

"Yes, but you're not ..."

They were interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

Geillis, already looking on edge, immediately went on defensive and alert mode and jumped out of bed. "I'll get that."

Claire laughed. "That better not be Frank. Otherwise, he's skewered."

"Look who's morbid now?" Joe grinned.

A moment passed, and Geillis walked back in with a hamper encased in a decorative cellophane wrapping paper. "Is this Frank's way of trying to apologise or what?" she muttered trying to peer at the card.

"Wot? Let me see that." Claire got on her knees and reached out for the package. Impatiently, she tore the wrapping apart and was astonished to find an assorted collection of Thornton's and Lindt chocolate, beautifully set in a basket. In the middle of the sweets were a small stuffed teddy bear bearing the word smile and a card in a red envelope. With trembling hands, she slipped the card out. "It's from Jamie," she whispered.

"Whoa!" Joe exclaimed under his breath.

Geillis peered over her shoulder.

Dear Claire,

I got your message last night. I tried to call you, but I guess you switched off your phone. So, here's a little treat to make you feel a bit better after the horrendous night you had. I wish I could bring this to you personally, but I have to see my agent.

Jamie x

PS Don't cook for us tonight and don't eat too many chocolates. I'm taking you out.

"Weel, weel, what's this about? Is Jamie wooing ye?" Geillis asked, arching an eyebrow at her.

"Wooing?" Claire laughed nervously, opening a box of the Lindt chocolate and popping a sweet morsel into her mouth before offering it to them. "Are we in the eighteenth century or what?" She was about to change the subject when a thought came to her. She hadn't told Joe and Geillis about the arrangement she made with Jamie and she really ought to, before they were photographed and the story hit the newsstands. In as much as she hated lying to her friends, she couldn't tell them that it was all a stunt to get Jamie the job. The fewer people know, the better, Jamie had said. "Um guys, I have something to tell you."

Joe's brows furrowed as he settled against the headboard. "Ay, yeah? What is it, LJ?"

She held her breath for a few seconds, licked her lips and then hoped for the best. "Jamie and I are ... umm ... sort of seeing each other," she blurted.

A heartbeat passed.

Then as if in slow motion, she watched her friends' expression changed from concern to sheer shock and then confusion.

"What?!?"

"What do ye mean sort of? Either ye are, or ye aren't," Geillis pointed out, grabbing the card from Jamie to reread as if the clue would be found in his written words.

Claire looked at her friends and knew they were very perceptive, so she needed to up her game if she was to be believable. "Well, we've been kind of spending a lot of time together, and then ...one thing led to another ...you know ..." she trailed off, the lie tasting bitter in her mouth.

"No, we don't know. So have you slept together or something?" Geillis shot, tactless as usual.

"No! God, no! Of course not!" Claire stammered. "How could you think that? I-I mean we're not that far ahead. Yet. Umm ...There's an order to these things you know. Yeah, an order."

Joe gave her a questioning look. "An order?"

"Yes, an order," she responded, annoyed.

"So, chronologically speaking, in the sequence of things, where are you and Jamie at?" Joe asked, looking puzzled.

"Dinner date. Tonight." She grabbed Jamie's card from Geillis' hand and waved it at their faces, feeling triumphant and hoping that would bring the end of their inquisition. "See? We're going out tonight. We have a dinner date. That's where we're at."

Joe and Geillis exchanged a look. "Listen, hen. I don't mean to interfere with yer life and all, but don't ye think it's a little too soon? I mean after what happened with Frank."

She cleared her throat into the silence. "I thought of that. But I've stopped loving Frank ages ago. I just didn't know it back then, and I realised it almost too late. And this with Jamie, I wasn't exactly sure when it happened or even when it started. All I know for sure was that right there, and then, something was happening. And we both want to explore that and see where it leads us to. It might not amount to anything anyway as we're very different people, but at least we're willing to take the leap of fate." Jesus, did I just sound earnest there? I'm getting good at this.

Joe let out a huge exhale. "Well, LJ, you're a big girl. Maybe Jamie is the distraction you need right now after all the palaver at the hospital. Just take care of that little heart of yours. I'm not saying he will break it, but he'd mentioned it once or twice he has commitment issues when it comes to relationships. It's not a secret."

Claire gave Joe a grateful smile. "I know that too. But hey, this is just a dinner date. Like what I said, it might not amount to anything." She got out of bed and stretched. "Right, I'm going dress shopping for tonight. I have nought to wear."

"Don't. I'll stop by later and bring ye a few of mine that I don't wear anymore," Geillis offered, standing up with her.

"Thanks. I appreciate that." She touched her friend's shoulder and looked at her. "Hey, I know you're not convinced about Jamie. I can see those little furrows on your forehead getting deeper by the second. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

Geillis hugged her and patted her on the back. "Och, dinna fash, hen. I ken ye'll be fine. I'll make sure of it. I'm keeping my eyes on Jamie Fraser."

Uh-oh. Knowing Geillis like the back of her hand, Claire could only hope she wouldn't prod too much.

..........

Jamie cut off the engine to his car and stilled for a moment. He was a tad bit apprehensive knowing that tonight could be the night he and Claire officially become a fake couple. She'd warned him earlier in a text that Joe and Geillis knew and soon the rest of the world would too. Maybe he should have just stuck to letting her cook at her place. Although wary about the idea of a fake relationship, agreeing to her crazy plan had given him an excuse to get a little closer to her. And last night, after finding out she'd walked out of A&E, he wanted to do something special. But he hadn't thought it through, and there was a possibility, being photographed in public together could go very wrong, making Claire's already delicate circumstance even more awkward.

At this point, he couldn't care less what the tabloids wrote about him, but the thought of her life put out on display made his stomach sour. Hence, he'd made several restaurant reservations to give Claire an option, not just on what to eat but an alternative in case she changed her mind about being out in the open. He knew of places where they could dine together without the danger of being photographed.

Now that Claire's free of Frank, he wondered where and how he would fit in her life. He'd thought about it often enough causing him many sleepless nights. But, what would a smart and brilliant doctor such as her see in him? An ex-rugby player without higher education and perceived as a three-dimensional womaniser that's so totally wrong for her. And as if that wasn't enough to alarm him, he'd gone through the whole spectrum of feeling protective, possessive and missing her the entire time. All these strange and confusing feelings were foreign to him, and he hadn't a clue where to go from there.

But what if Claire decide to go ahead with their plan and it worked, and he got the job? Wouldn't that mean they had to part ways afterwards? After their encounter outside his apartment a couple of days ago, he'd found himself wanting to demand what was inside her head and to address the burgeoning attraction between them. But she'd left in too much of a hurry making him wonder if he'd frightened her.

He realised his hands were gripping the steering wheel and forced himself to let go. Swallowing an odd lump in his throat, he checked his mirror for any lurking reporter. When he saw the coast was clear, he quickly climbed out of the car and headed towards Claire's cottage.

He knocked twice and waited. The light penetrating the peephole darkened and then brightened again a couple of seconds later. He heard shuffling sounds from inside the cottage, but the door remained close.

"He's wearing casual, Claire," a familiar muffled voice said from the other side. Geillis? "And he didn't shave!"

His hand automatically rubbed the scruff along his jaw. What the fuck! "Geillis! I can hear ye in there! Care to open the door?"

"Ye have to wait. I'm helping Claire choose a dress I brought her. And she's only got a towel on, and we're in the living area. She has nothing to wear for yer date tonight, ye see."

Ah, Christ, why didn't I think of that! Too bad, he wouldn't have minded seeing her with just a towel wrapped around her. Although at this rate, he wouldn't mind seeing her in a potato sack. "Geillis? How about ye let me in and I promised not to look? I'll go straight in the kitchen and wait there. How's that?" he wheedled, mentally counting backwards from a hundred so he wouldn't lose his patience.

A beat passed before she answered. "Fine." The peephole dimmed again. "Close yer eyes then."

Jamie obeyed. He heard the bolts unlatched before the door creaked opened. Then Geillis' hand wrapped around his wrist and tugged him through the entrance and guided him to the kitchen. "This is bloody ridiculous," he muttered to himself as he was being pulled along.

"Ah, haud yer wheesht," Geillis scolded, as they came to a stop. He heard her move about, shoes scraping the floor, a cupboard banging shut and then there was silence.

"Are ye just going to let me stand here looking like a prick or am I allowed to open my eyes? I'm feeling slightly at a disadvantage here."

"Okay, ye can open yer eyes now."

Jamie blinked and found Geillis sitting on the countertop wickedly grinning at him. Although he was annoyed with her, it loosened something inside of him and put his mind at ease. It was good knowing that Claire had friends who cared for her well being and were there for her through good times and bad. "Is Joe with ye?"

"Nope, it's just ye and me pal," she smirked.

"Too bad."

"So, where are ye taking Claire?"

"None of yer business."

"I don't usually interfere with Claire's life, but after what happened with Frank, I'm making it my business."

"Are ye always this difficult?

"Is it true what they say about ye in the newspaper?"

He narrowed his gaze at her. "Sassenach?" he called out into the cottage. "Ye nearly ready?"

"Behind you."

His body tightened at the sound of her husky voice. Finally, thank God! Slowly, he turned to face Claire. The amusement in her amber eyes told him she'd overheard his exchange with Geillis. Maybe a little gratitude for putting up with her gobby friend. That's all he had time to gather from her expression before she sauntered towards him, and he became aware of her long bare legs, its length accentuated even more with the nude high ankle strap wedges she was wearing.

Claire's floral green short-sleeved dress wasn't even revealing, and the front buttons came up high enough that you could classify the attire as modest. Her usual swept-up hair had been replaced by soft curls left cascading over her shoulders. But it was the loose high hem that flirted with the middle of her thighs and the sheen on her bare skin that got his heart pounding wildly in his chest. His first coherent thought was how much he wanted to back her into her bedroom and lock them both inside it. He already had regrets for suggesting to go out for dinner tonight.

She stopped in front of him, and he felt a slow stirring in his belly as her fresh orange blossom scent went to his head like back-to-back shots of whisky.

"Uh-oh, what's going on in that head of yours, James Fraser?"

If he'd told her the truth, she would probably cancel their date and lock herself in the room. Or in true Claire-style, escape through the window, never to be found again. Aware of Geillis' eyes on them, he knew he had to play the smitten boyfriend part which wasn't really difficult considering he was itching to get his hands on her.

Slipping an arm around her waist, he pulled her in and brushed his lips against her cheek, soaking in her warmth and sweet fragrance. And when her arms slid around his neck, he felt a dull ache penetrate his heart. They weren't out in public yet, and the danger line was already precariously blurring. "Ye look absolutely stunning, Sassenach," he murmured for her ears alone before drawing away to look into her eyes.

Her lip-glossed lips spread into a smile. "Then my dress is doing its job." She pulled away and blew Geillis an air kiss with a quick gesture of her hand. "Thank you for doing this."

Geillis gave them the thumbs up and jumped down from where she was sat. "Have fun. I'll go and hang the rest of the dresses in yer wardrobe, and I'll lock up afterwards. I'll take yer spare key with me." She stopped beside him and poked him on the arm. "And ye ...Mr hotshot Jamie. If ye hurt my friend, I promise ye ... I will cut yer heart out and have it for breakfast."

Claire laughed. "Stop scaring him! We'll be fine."

Her friend nodded, winking at them, letting them know it was all just jest and banter before she left them on their own. Despite the lightheartedness in Geillis voice, it was quite obvious he had his work cut out before Claire's friend could trust him. And he was alright with that. Bring it on!

..........

Claire's hand felt oddly natural in his as they walked into The Devil's Advocate Bar and Restaurant. Of all the options he'd given her, she picked this place where he would most likely be recognised. The popular and often crowded establishment served the Fraser Whisky, and their distillery had held several whisky tasting events there in the past; hence the Frasers were known by the staff. After she'd forgone the fancy restaurants he'd suggested, he'd come to a conclusion Claire was definitely a pub girl. Casually cautioning her about the possibility of paparazzi in the area, she'd seemed to be unperturbed about it. "It's now or never, Jamie. Time to show the network you're not what the tabloids say you are," she'd said. Despite wanting to keep her to himself without the world watching, he'd conceded with a nod. It was their original plan, after all.

So far, so good, no one seemed to have taken notice of them except for some admiring glances launched at Claire. Not liking it at all, he tugged her closer as he led her to the bar area and helped her to a stool. "Drinks first?" he asked.

She nodded. "Whisky, please. Make it Fraser single malt. Neat."

Warmth pervaded his chest. "That's my lass."

He tore his eyes away from her smile and gave their order to the bartender. Jamie sensed the staff recognised him, but not a word was said as he prepared their drinks. Edging his stool closer to Claire's, he leaned in and took her hand in his.

"Oh, we're going to do this now, are we?" She gave him a conspirational wink. "Let me know if I'm doing something wrong." She turned on her stool to face him so that her legs were between his.

Jamie almost lost his smile as he gave her a tight nod. "It's alright, Sassenach, We're fine." He lifted her hand to his lips and felt a strange twinge in his chest. "One rule tonight. No mention of Frank's name. Deal?"

"Deal," she whispered. "I haven't thought of him since we left the cottage."

"That's good then." He nodded a thank you to the bartender when their drinks arrived. "So tell me, why does Geillis dislike me so much? Can ye give me a clue as to why?"

She sighed. "She doesn't dislike you. She's just protective of me, just like Joe. I guess with everything going on in my life, they're worried."

"How about ye?"

"How about me, wot?"

"Do ye like me?"

A beautiful blush bloomed on Claire's cheeks, and her eyes lowered, looking at their intertwined hands. And then after a few heartbeats, she looked at him directly in the eyes. "I do like you, Jamie. A lot. And I like the fact that I have you in my life." Her soft gaze settled over him, making him feel as though they were the only people in the room. And then she leaned forward and spoke in a low voice. "So ...what's the game plan for tonight?"

"Game plan?" The question threw him off guard.

"Well, you know ..." she shrugged. "Eventually, someone's bound to look up and take a good look at you and put two and two together. I've never had a fake boyfriend, so I'm not really good at this."

"Ye didn't have to remind me." His tone came out a little too harsh, too late and cursed himself when her eyes dimmed in response. In a rush to make it better, he squeezed her hand. "No game plan, Sassenach, none at all," he said softly this time. "I asked ye out because I felt ye needed cheering up. That's all there is to it."

She seemed to lose her train of thoughts for a while and looked somewhat embarrassed. "G-goodness, I'm failing miserably at this, aren't I? I'm just feeling nervous, and you appear so relax. Can we start all over again?"

If only she knew how nervous he felt too. "Of course," he smiled, taking their drinks and putting one in her hand. He raised his glass to her. "To fresh starts?"

"To fresh starts," she echoed and took a sip of her whisky.

When she was accidentally nudged by a customer at the bar, he pulled her stool closer, her knee now touching his thigh. "Are ye hungry? We have a table booked, and we can eat anytime if ye wish."

She shook her head and leaned in more so he could hear her over the music and the growing crowd chatter around them. Her face was just inches away from his, giving him a close view of a smattering of faint freckles he hadn't noticed before. "I'm alright at the moment. So, remind me again how many restaurants did you book for dinner tonight?"

A rumble escaped his chest. "I've lost count."

"Mmm, you're a little dangerous, did you know that?"

"Oh, am I? Why is that?"

"You're giving me the feeling of being in charge of this date when really you had this all thought out. I'm very impressed."

"I'm glad ye're buying it. My evil plan is working." When she laughed out loud, and her hand landed on his knee, an alarm started to build in Jamie's gut. Nothing about their date felt remotely fake, and he knew, to an observer they were definitely succeeding in being stamped a couple. He cleared a block in his throat and found himself twirling a curl of her hair in his finger. "Joking aside, I wanted to give you options, and you've chosen the busiest place. If ye're not careful, soon it would be so busy, you'll end up sitting on my lap."

"Ah there you go, I knew there was a plan." She took another sip of her whisky and ran a tongue on her lower lip, seemingly enjoying the taste of the peaty alcohol. He couldn't tear his gaze away from her mouth and wanted to be the one to taste the residual sharp bite of her drink on her lips. He was tempted to kiss her there and then, but he didn't know who was watching. All it took was one photo before it was out there for the world to see - James Fraser with yet another woman and Claire was anything but. "Oh, dear!" she whispered. "There goes that look on your face again. I think I know what you're thinking, James Fraser."

Arching an eyebrow at her, he couldn't help being himself. "Ye might know the what, Sassenach but ye dinna ken the how." He heard her breath hitch and felt the pulse racing on her wrist with his thumb. She was definitely aware of the attraction between them, and it was made even more evident when she didn't pull away. Damn the photographers, I'm going to kiss her. Ignoring the warning echo in his head, he closed in.

"Jamie!" A hand clapped on his shoulder, turning him around to find his brothers and brother-in-law standing there grinning at him. His head fell forward onto Claire's shoulder with a groan. To his utter shock, he felt like weeping in despair.

Glancing back at them with an exasperated sigh, Jamie could only hope their presence was a blessing in disguise, preventing him from making a public mistake. Because at the rate he and Claire were going, he had a strong feeling that their fake relationship was either going to give him a heart attack before he got the job or start to feel far too real before it was done and over.

#melodyheart #startingover #Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser #outlanderfanfic

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