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gstqaobc · 4 years ago

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FROM THE MONARCHIST LEAGUE OF CANADA

As this Ecomm went to publication, we received word of the death, at the great age of 96, of Bill Silver, a significant benefactor of the League from its early days, and for many years a pillar of our Ottawa Branch. We wished to remember him here: his ebullient spirit, fierce loyalty spoken gently, innate modesty and kindness. Indeed Chaucer might have had forethought of Bill in describing one of his characters as a “very parfitt gentle knight.” May his ardent spirit rest in peace, and his memory be a blessing and example to us all. LEAGUE ISSUES NEW FLYER: THE CASE FOR THE CROWN The League thought it timely and useful to issue, offer in its advertising and distribute as widely as possible - both via the website and in printed form - a new flyer which will give you, our members, ammunition to argue logically the case for the Crown in conversation with others, and, we hope, to distribute strategically. One never knows when such an item, left on a waiting room table at the doctor or dentist’s office, affixed to a supermarket or other community bulletin board, put through neighbours’ mail slots - the possibilities are many - will do good work for our cause. We hope you will both enjoy and profit from this item, and that many thousands will be distributed across the country. See item one in the WHAT CAN I DO FOR THE CANADIAN CROWN? section of this Ecomm, below, to read online and request printed copies. And special thanks to our wonderful team of no less than seven translators, all francophones from La Belle Province, who so kindly volunteered to make the French version one that is accurate in expression and eloquent in its prose. WHAT CAN I DO FOR THE CANADIAN CROWN? Some suggestions for member activity during these times. We invite members to send additional ideas by return of email. 1. How about asking the League to send you several print copies of our new flyer: THE CASE FOR THE CROWN, or print them on your home computer: https://www.monarchist.ca/index.php/publications and give them to others who may be unaware or sceptical of the importance of Canada’s constitutional monarchy, or even hostile to it. School teachers could be encouraged to read the League’s educational booklets, also available both online and in print at the same URL, or even to request a class set. 2. When you read an editorial, opinion column or letter to the editor in a newspaper, or a tweet or Facebook post, critical of the Crown, don’t get mad - get even! In other words, use a temperate tone and logical argument to refute the writer’s attack. Keep it brief: focus on the obvious flaws in reasoning, mis-statements of fact or name-calling substituting for logic. Same goes for radio talk shows. In the long run, on all media, whatever the provocation, whatever the momentary satisfaction of ”giving them a piece of my mind” - an old adage remains true: “You catch more flies with honey.” 3. Write your elected representative at the federal level to re-state briefly the reasons you support constitutional monarchy as our system of government, and asking the MP whether not your view is shared. 4. Once pandemic restrictions ease, try to make sure that Royal events - such as the upcoming 95th birthday of our Queen, 10th Wedding Anniversary of William and Catherine or 100th birthday of Prince Philip are celebrated both in your home but also among your wider family, your friends, your colleagues at the office, your place of worship/faith community or service club. The League generally sends you some ideas to mark these celebrations. Remember, as they are incorporated into family life and public life, the Crown becomes further embedded in the heart of the nation, and truly represents The Queen’s wish that it ”reflects all that is best and most admired in the Canadian ideal.” This is especially true when you go out of your way to include in your observance the newest members of our Canadian family, who generally are eager to participate in the traditions of their new homeland, and in turn to share their own traditions with the wider community. 5. Always use a Queen stamp when you write a letter or pay a bill by mail. 6. At events of ceremony, whether a Council meeting, a graduation, a civic celebration - whatever - make sure that the Royal Anthem is sung as well as the National Anthem. To the extent you can, discourage event organizers from having a soloist “perform” them. Far more pride and learning develop from the untrained voices of loyal folk singing together. In that way, the Anthems are sung “with heart and voice” and not merely listened to. A FINAL IDEA: AN ACT OF LOVING SUPPORT & THANKS Apart from the above, we think it would be enormously comforting and supportive for every one of us to write a kind letter to The Queen, expressing your thoughts at a difficult time: her beloved husband ailing, a grand-child chiding other family members via sensational television, the drumbeat of the tabloids and the restrictions on her busy life caused by the pandemic. A selection of letters, especially those from Commonwealth Realms, are indeed seen by The Queen - and their number and tone are summarized to Her Majesty. The address is - Her Majesty The Queen, Buckingham Palace, London SW1A 1AA, UK Theoretically you don’t need postage to write the Sovereign; in practice, it is safer to affix the international airmail stamp available from your local Canada Post outlet. AN INTERESTING OPINION PIECE FROM TODAY’S DAILY TELEGRAPHWe thought you might be interested to see the following strongly-worded opinion piece, reflecting a good deal of the tone of recent British public opinion, rather different from much of the Canadian and US commentary. Meghan’s fake interview has real-world effects The Sussexes’ claims have undermined the monarchy and done lasting damage to the Commonwealth by Tim Stanley, March 15, 2021 Two headlines appeared on the BBC News website on the same day. At the top: “Harry and Meghan rattle monarchy’s gilded cage”. At the bottom: “The kidnapped woman who defied Boko Haram”. Well, that puts the Sussexes' problems in perspective, doesn’t it? Yet across Africa, one reads, the Duchess’s story has revived memories of colonial racism, tarnishing the UK’s reputation, and has even lent weight to the campaign in some countries to drop the Queen as head of state. The only nation that seems to think a lot of nonsense was spoken is Britain. In the wake of an interview that Joe Biden’s administration called courageous, British popular opinion of Harry and Meghan fell to an all-time low, and the American format had a lot to do with it. Oprah Winfrey is not our idea of an interviewer. She flattered, fawned and displayed utter credulity. Imagine if it had been her, not Emily Maitlis, who interviewed Prince Andrew over the Jeffrey Epstein allegations. “You were in a Pizza Express that day? Oh my God, you MUST be innocent! Tell me, in all honesty, though...did you have the dough balls?” This wasn’t an interview, it was a commercial for a brand called Sussex, a pair of eco-friendly aristo-dolls that, if you pull the string, tell their truth – which isn’t the truth, because no one can entirely know that, but truth as they perceive it. “Life is about storytelling,” explained Meghan, “about the stories we tell ourselves, the stories we’re told, what we buy into.” Meghan is a postmodernist. Just as Jean Baudrillard said the Gulf War never happened, but was choreographed by the US media, so the Royal narrative she was forced to live was fake, her public happiness was fake and, following that logic, this interview might involve an element of performance, too. People have challenged her claims, alleging contradictions and improbabilities, but one of the malign effects of wokeness is that you have got to be very careful about pointing this out. Why? Because wokery insists on treating a subjective view as objective truth, or even as superior, because it’s based upon “lived experience”. To contradict that personal perspective is perceived as cruel, elitist and, in Meghan’s case, potentially racist, so it’s best to wait a few weeks to a year before applying a fact check. In the meantime, affect sympathy. People would rather you lied to their face than tell them what they don’t want to hear. The result is profoundly dishonest, for I have never known an event over which there is such a gulf between the official reception, as endorsed by the media and politics, and the reaction of average citizens, who are wisely keeping it to themselves. Into that vacuum of silence steps not the voice of reason but bullies and showmen – like Piers Morgan, who said some brash stuff about Meghan’s honesty and, after an unseemly row on Good Morning Britain, felt obliged to resign from his job. “If you’d like to show your support for me,” he wrote afterwards, “please order a copy of my book.” Dear Lord, was this row fake, too? I can no longer be sure, though I despised Good Morning Britain before and still do: it embodies the cynical confusion of emotion and fact, a show made for clicks, where even the weatherman has an opinion. So what is real in 2021? The Commonwealth, which does a lot of good in a divided world. The monarchy, which has been at its best during the pandemic, doing the boring stuff of cutting ribbons and thanking workers that, one suspects, Meghan never grew into (can you imagine her opening a supermarket in Beccles?). It contains flawed people, but that only adds to its realness, and they can adapt faster than you might think. Prince William got the ball rolling by telling reporters, who he is trained to ignore, that his family is not racist. His wife paid her respects to the murder victim Sarah Everard, demonstrating that she is neither cold nor silenced. I’d wager Kate does her duty, day after day, no complaint, not because she is “trapped”, as Harry uncharitably put it, but because she loves her family and believes in public service. Meghan and Harry have indeed prompted the Royal family to change: not in order to endorse their criticisms, however, but to answer them.

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿

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theexecutionerssong · 5 years ago

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SKAM FRANCE BTS MASTERPOST

This is a master post of BTS anecdotes told in interviews, at cons, screenings and on social media. Don’t click the read more if you don’t want to lose some of the magic. I know sometimes knowing too much of how a show was shot can ruin it. Also, it’s very obvious that there was more promo starting around season 3 than for the first two seasons, don’t hold it against me. Feel free to message me if you think of something else as I must have forgotten a ton of things.

CASTING, REHEARSALS, BTS IN GENERAL

Skam France had the rights for the 4 seasons first but had to follow the original script almost to a T for the first 2 and if the audience was big enough then they would be allowed to distance themselves from OG

Skam France casted actors that were as close personality wise to their characters as possible, which made it easier for the cast to identify with their characters and made the friendships developping between the characters more believable since it was also developping off screen

They were not allowed to cast underaged actors who would have been closer to the real age of the characters due to the long hours of the shooting conditions

Most of the actors come from theatre and many had no or little previous experience with shooting for a camera before

The cast isn’t allowed to watch the clips before they air.

Most of the clothes they wear in the show are their own.

During rehearsals of the first seasons, Philippine went to the board with everyone’s names on it and wrote something funny next to Zoe’s name and wanted to send it to her but she messed up and published it on her ig stories, leaking the entire cast when it was still supposed to be a secret.

Lula’s first reaction when she got the script and “met” Daphné was “oh no I’m scared. I just want to slap her, she’s insufferable”

Assa almost didn’t audition for two reasons: the casting call didn’t specify they were looking for a woman of color and French casting calls almost always say whether they are specifically looking for a black woman. If it says nothing then they are usually looking for a white person. She thought she had no chance because of that. Second reason, after accepting the casting call, she did some research and found out OG Sana was from the Maghreb and she’s not. But her agent convinced her to go through with it, the only thing the skam france team wouldn’t negotiate was that they wanted a Muslim actress. There was no way they would have casted a non muslim actress/actor for Imane and Sofiane.

Skam France was the first TV show on French TV to have a black muslim woman wearing a hijab as a main character

Paul, Robin and Axel knew each other before shooting, they’d met in Avignon.

Coline was still in her last year of high school when she shot the first two seasons.

Niels is the one who came up with a raccoon as Eliott’s spirit animal

They shoot about 15 minutes of usable content per day which is impressive (it’s usually 2-3 for movies released in theatres, 5-7 for TV programs)

When France TV told David the first two seasons were a success and they were renewing the show, he gave them a list of things he wanted to change so that he’d agree to come back to direct the next seasons, including a different camera, renewing the writers team (they included Niels), storylines, the ig content, etc. The new camera they got was a SONY Venice which allows them to play a lot with the focus/blur ratio and the cold and warm undertones, which made a major shift in the visual quality of seasons 3 and 4 compared to the previous 2.

David named Eliott after his son.

Having the teaser from Eliott’s POV was David’s idea. It’s the first remake to have a clip from the French Even’s POV

The bus stop from season 3 is fake, it doesn’t exist. It wasn’t even shot in Paris itself but in Saint Ouen.

Maxence didn’t watch OG - besides the towels in the bathroom clip - because he wanted to create his own Eliott without being too influenced, and he didn’t watch s1 and 2 of skam france either because he wanted Eliott to discover the characters without knowing their backgrounds.

Maxence wasn’t supposed to audition. He wanted to be done with his acting school before shooting anything but the head of the casting team came to watch a public class at his school and asked him to audition for Eliott at the end. David and Niels knew right away he was the one. Niels watched the audition tapes and was very impressed with another actor but within the first 3 seconds of watching Maxence, he knew it wouldn’t be anyone else. Maxence met Axel after the 3rd call back and they clicked right away. He’d broken his foot two days earlier so he was in crutches. They watched Even’s manic episode and had to improvise a similar scene but had to do with the crutches. They also went for a drink before shooting and they talked for hours, their connection was instantaneous.

When he learned Maxence was cast, Axel went on his instagram and saw the model pictures and thought he was way too hot with the abs and everything and he himself would look like a potato during the nude scenes next to him. So he got a coach and for 3 months he trained and got on a very strict diet. He was disappointed that there were no shots where you could actually see his abs properly in Skam. He had also said months before that he had gotten a coach because before they started shooting seasons 3 and 4, he had met up with Marilyn to get advice on how to carry a season and she had told him to get a coach otherwise he wouldn’t be able to keep up with the pace. So what is the truth?

It leaked that Maxence was casted in July 2018 because someone on a Korean website recognized his shoes in an IG story from when he’d been spotted at the airport months earlier but it was kept mostly under wraps. Then his and Lais’s names leaked too a couple of months later but most people hadn’t seen his face before the trailer.

David asked Axel and Maxence to give up their phones and social media during the couple of months they were shooting to be really focused and not get distracted by the outside world and they mostly did. Axel bought an mp3 to still have music, he wrote “LUCAS ♥” on it with a white out pen. He created a playlist for Lucas, including songs like Run Boy Run and I love you by Woodkid, and To Build a Home by the Cinematic Orchestra.

Maxence’s process to get ready for a shot: he does yoga and dances a lot in the morning. he puts music on and paces a room while picturing himself standing on the edge of a cliff and if at some point he feels like falling and loses his balance, it means he’s got it. He asks that all the scripts he gets be printed on the right side of the page and on the left he takes notes about what the character is feeling through 7 different states: love, hate, fear, power, vulnerability, sex and i hate myself for not remembering the last one. To play a scene properly, you have to conjure up 4 states to create one emotion. He loves that David respects his method and is able to adapt to every member of the cast’s method. He also uses his body as a tool, for example if his character has to feel lonely or unsure, he will curl up into a ball for an hour without moving and then he’ll be in the right mindset because his body is telling him he’s isolated. That’s the method he used for Eliott, he created “lost scenes” that weren’t in the script, moments in between scenes with Lucas, to get more into Eliott’s mindset.

Maxence wrote a letter to Eliott, drew a picture of him, and spent hours adding notes to the script about his personality before even trying to get into his mind.

There was a contest for the drawings in season 3. Maxence participated but didn’t get picked. Jeanne Lelièvre did!

All the social media content for seasons 3 and 4 were shot on the same day in December 2018 which is why you can see heavy winter clothing even when the content was published in May. For season 3, most ideas were Axel’s, and Maxence said no to 90%.

While shooting for seasons 3 and 4, Axel was also on stage every night for theatre

To prepare for his role in s3, Axel watched CMBYN, Moonlight, and The Office

They received more feedbacks from international fans than French ones at first. It was even a private joke between Niels and David, there were no comments in French on Youtube. Then the piano clip happened and David’s phone went crazy with notifications. He was in the editing room with Jérémy and the buzzing from his phone was non stop. They banned phones in the editing room after that.

Skam France owes part of its popularity to how accessible the cast and crew are, either on social media or IRL, with 6 entirely free events organized to get the fans and the cast and crew to meet, watch episodes together and have Q&As during seasons 3 and 4.

Skam France shooting locations have become extremely popular for the fans to hang out at and leave little mementos, to the point that the mayor of Paris has asked the team to pick completely untraceable locations, or make sure they are not in Paris itself for the next seasons

Skam France was the first remake to get renewed for 2 (possibly 4?) original seasons

Alexia and Daphné were supposed to have their own seasons they but couldn’t get the green light from Norway. He got the idea for Arthur’s story quite quickly after but they had to rework the scripts for seasons 5 and 6 a lot. Robin talked to David about his addiction to video games and how it could be a potential theme but in the end David chose deafness instead.

SEASONS 1 AND 2

It was Coline’s idea to make Alexia bi. There was a scene when Alexia mentions an ex boyfriend and she asked David “why wouldn’t it be a girl?” and his only reaction was “Ok. What’s her name?” and that’s how bi!Alexia was born.

It was also Coline’s idea to give Alexia’s colorful hair. She later regretted it because she had to bleach her hair twice to get the blue to stay and it fried her hair.

Assa’s worst memory of shooting s1 and 2 is when the girls have to carry Daphné, she kept dropping her and was afraid of hurting her.

Marilyn and Lula ruined the scene when the girls are having breakfast all together when they are on the countryside because they couldn’t stop laughing over carrots and the crunchy noise it was making. It was the last day of shooting and their nerves were all over the place.

SEASON 3

The first scene in the common room didn’t hit them that much, they didn’t realize the impact it would have because the whole shooting was just David yelling at them to look at each other then stop then do it again then stop etc

Nobody realized how big of an impact the “Moi c’est Eliott” line would have and then when they watched the clip, it was obvious.

The check de gang wasn’t scripted, it was Paul’s idea to make it a running gag. David wasn’t sure about it but after doing it just once, he was sold. Basile tripping over the bench was also Paul’s idea but he didn’t warn anyone he was doing it so Xavier started laughing and the camera was shaking so bad that they couldn’t keep it and had to reshoot the scene. They noticed during the editing process that Robin also tripped at the same time in the background during one take so they had to keep that one.

Lucas playing the piano was Axel’s idea even though he didn’t know how to play properly. He sent a text to David at the end of June with different ideas for songs and David picked the most difficult one. He then practiced anytime he could until they shot the scene in october. It took him two months to learn it completely and then a little more to make it look easy. (Niels later said it was his idea and that Axel was a cheeky little shit). Maxence had never heard Axel play the song before that moment so Eliott’s reaction is genuine. He didn’t think he’d manage to get in the right state of mind because the apartment was too small for the whole team and they were all very cranky, it was 3 am, but the moment he heard the first notes, he forgot all about it and was completely amazed.

The infiltration party: David asked that Basile pushes Daphné a bit, like shoves her out of the way when they have to run, but they hadn’t had the time to rehearse anything. After a couple of takes, Paul pushed Lula a bit too hard and she fell on her knees quite hard. He felt so bad because he never wanted to hurt her and they all had to take a half an hour break because her knees hurt. David after that was like OKAY NO MORE STUNTS EVER.

Axel got mad at the makeup department because the two lines on his face were not on the same place when they shot the outside scene and then once inside. He got so angry he could have cried that they wouldn’t believe him. So during the shooting he looked straight at the camera and wiped them away with the back of his hand to force them to draw the lines properly.

The first kiss scene: they had been shooting for 12 hours. It was raining intermittently all day so the team had to pack up the cameras often and wait it out when it was too much. They ran 4 hours late. They had a fake rain machine but no change of clothes so they could only shoot once. Below the bridge is not easily accessible, it’s a long path from the gate, so they used ropes to get things up and down from the bridge. They only had one shot. They had already shot kissing scenes but David was always telling them it had to be more passionate and kept yelling at them to use more tongue so for that shot they gave it their everything on the first (and only) take they did. 5 minutes later they were shooting the Remember scene.

They shot all the scenes in the colloc on the first week of shooting. Minute by minute was shot right before Samedi 9h17. They had to restart shooting samedi 9h17 four times because something wasn’t working between Axel and Maxence, they were clumsy and stressed. After taking 5 minutes to themselves with David to remind themselves of how pivotal the scene was, Axel and Maxence said they were ready and they shot the opening scene that made the cut.

The Phase de latence clip : Axel and Maxence felt like terrible actors because they had already shot all the big very emotional scenes and this was a bit tamer since Eliott doesn’t show much emotions. They felt that way about all the scenes shot in the school.

The Fête de trop clip: They shot the fight with the guys 8 times but it wasn’t enough for David until Robin slapped Axel on the 9th. After that they shot Chloé yelling at Lucas. Axel was still out of it due to the slap he’d gotten earlier that he hadn’t expected. At 3am, they finished with Lucas injuring his hands. Axel cracked the metacarpus in his hand and only told David two days later.

Leo has talked about the coming out bench scene and said Yann took it a bit too far and was too dramatic, he was like “i don’t know if i can say that… but c’mon… I mean. C’mon… that’s your best friend… who cares if he didn’t tell you right away, he had bigger problems on his mind, right?”He would have done it differently.

The “viens on n’en parle pas” scene was shot in 50 minutes in the middle of the night on the second day of shooting. Marilyn and Axel’s emotions were briming under the surface so it was one of the easiest scene to shoot.

The hardest scene to shoot for David in s3 was the intervention clip. It was the second day of shooting, the 4th clip of the day. Axel’s first take was not good enough and David was scared it would set the tone for the season. He had a stern talk with Axel. Thankfully, they shot a second time and it was the right one, everyone on set was crying and Axel was completely drained.

The scene where they go get the couch from the creepy place is the one they shot last for season 3.

The paint scene: they only had one try. Axel and Maxence hadn’t shot together for a week, David had done it on purpose and they’d missed each other. It was shot on a Friday at the exact time it was supposed to happen IRL. The whole thing lasts 14 minutes long. David took their pants off because they were slipping too much. Xavier almost stopped filming he was like “is he serious? did he just take their pants off??”. They shot a part when one of them slips on the ground and the other follows but that didn’t make the cut. There were 25 people on set, everyone in a suit to protect from the paint, but Axel and Maxence forgot everyone and just got lost in their characters. When David yelled cut, Axel and Maxence didn’t hear him and kept making out. David had to separate them. Then they all were so happy that they yelled their joy but then saw all the people who were behind the camera, and everyone was crying, like they had witnessed something too intimate. They showered for an hour, emptied 2 bottles of soap and even then it wasn’t enough, Axel still had paint running down his neck at a party that evening. The music used on set was Dreamer, the Khlar remix. Maxence was upset it wasn’t the one they ended up using in the clip, it felt like a betrayal because it “wasn’t the song they had made love to”.

Maxence fought with the costume department over the briefs he was wearing in the paint scene, because they had shot the PONI scene first and he could remember which ones he was wearing for the PONI scene and he wanted to wear the same ones. He was sure people would notice.

The first scene Maxence ever shot was the PONI scene.

The boat scene was quite special. It was a big moment for Maxence, he was extremely nervous, so David reduced the team on set as much as he could. Maxence got upset at Axel for being too present during the scene. Being used to a theatre stage, Axel is always a bit over the top, eating his ham with a flourish, stuff like that, but this was supposed to be Eliott’s big scene. Maxence asked for a break and told David that if Axel didn’t tone it down, he’d kill him. That also got resolved quickly.

The Remember Me scene: the priest is Lula’s dad. Lula and Niels both make a cameo in the church. They forgot to warn Axel that a car was coming when he’s running so his reaction is genuine. He was running so fast, the minivan with the camera couldn’t keep up so they shot it twice. They shot Lucas finding Eliott under the bridge just after shooting the first kiss. Maxence only had 4 minutes to get into the right state of mind which was extremely challenging and during that time he had to change his clothes, dry his hair and redo his makeup. Axel wasn’t feeling very well, he was exhausted after having shot 4 clips that day, but David told him he could do it so he ran on the path to the bridge harder than ever (David thought he was going to hurt his sinews) and when he fell to his knees, he was close to passing out, you can actually hear when he says the first “t’es pas tout seul” that he’s about to throw up / can’t breathe properly. They only shot that part once and after it was done David told them they should hug each other because what they had just done with Lucas and Eliott was precious and a moment to remember.

There was supposed to be a scene after the Remember scene but it was cut. Eliott is sleeping, Lucas brings him food and starts reading his book and then Eliott wakes up. They say hi, Eliott is confused about the time it is, it’s already late afternoon. He says he needs to leave, but Lucas tells him no. He keeps saying he has to go, he has to go to his parents. Lucas tells him it’s fine, they’ve been warned of where he is. But he says he’s got to leave anyway. Lucas asks him why he keeps insisting he needs to leave and Eliott tells him he just doesn’t want Lucas to see him like this. Lucas tells him he doesn’t mind. Then he starts teasing him, saying Eliott just wants to leave because he doesn’t want to own up to the fact that he lied to him. Eliott is confused. Lucas reminds him that he’d said there was no way he would ever be able to sleep next to a guy that hot (on the boat) and yet here they are actually taking naps. So Eliott must have lied to Lucas about finding him hot. Eliott says he’s an idiot and Lucas tells him that at least he’s not a liar at that what matters is that he is his idiot. “Congrats, you’re now the owner of an idiot… more or less hot” Eliott tells him he’s won and asks what they should do now. Lucas answers that they should start by saying hi properly and they kiss, and when they pull back they just look at each other whispering “salut”. Axel said he was upset at David for cutting the scene because it was so soft and intimate, he called him when he watched the episode to ask why he cut it, but it would have been too repetitive with the following Lundi 17h21 clip.

Lundi 17h21 is the second clip Maxence shot. Lucas’s “T’es beau quand tu rigoles” wasn’t scripted, Axel changed the script, he was supposed to say something about liking seeing Eliott smile.

The Je t’aime scene: the first shot they did was the most emotional one, it was one of the hardest scenes emotionally for Axel. He was crying so so much, he had tears and snot everywhere, and Maxence was just wiping it away so tenderly that David thought about keeping that shot but the snot was REALLY disgusting so they didn’t keep it. They shot it a few more times, except that then Maxence had to leave. So the shot of Lucas saying Moi aussi is actually to David. Axel said it didn’t feel weird because he does love David so it felt true.

SEASON 4

Assa sat down with the team before they wrote anything for the season and told them her whole life story. It lasted 4 hours and she cried when reading the script because they had included so many things she had told them, it felt like her and Imane were one.

Making Assa dance was Philippine’s idea. David asked her what she thought about when thinking of Assa, something that was really her and Philippine said “Dada, you should see her dance”

Moussa and Assa knew each other before since they had filmed together 5 years prior, a movie in which they already were siblings. They feel like siblings in real life.

The worst clip to shoot was on Lais’s first day of shooting, it was the bus clip. The shooting conditions were terrible, there was too much noise, and the crew was tired from having shot the 3 bus stop clips from season 3 earlier that day. David was convinced there would be nothing to save and they would have to rent another bus but the team worked their magic in post prod and it turned out amazing.

They shot the scene with Imane, Lucas and Eliott in class the day after Halloween. Maxence was at a party the night before and lost track of time. He had to take a taxi straight from the party to the set at 6am and showed up in full zombie costume and makeup.

Charles come back: it had been cloudy and raining all day but the moment the camera was on the girls’ faces, a ray of sunlight appeared and the wind blew in their hair, making it a real dramatic moment. Too good to pass on, it’s the shot they kept.

The fight between Lucas and Eliott that we vaguely hear in the background was just gibberish. Axel and Maxence hadn’t prepared anything and Axel just ended up shouting at Maxence things like YOU LIED TO ME BEFORE ABOUT LUCILLE YOU MIGHT BE DOING IT AGAIN ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE and Maxence NO I WOULD NEVER - BUT YOU DID - NO I WOULDN’T - YES YOU DID - NO and they kept going in circles so David was like “guys…. please, you might want to start screaming about something else or this is gonna sound very repetitive” but in the end we can barely hear anything so it didn’t matter much

When Alex comes to pick up Emma to go to the cinema, Assa had a break down and couldn’t stop laughing, hiding under a blanket and making all the girls laugh too with her. David had to scold them a bit to get them to stop.

Lais also ruined a clip by laughing for 15 minutes straight, it’s the clip at Imane’s house when they talk about the fair. It was the longest 15 minutes of the crew’s life.

The oui oui song during Daphné’s birthday party wasn’t planned, the team just lost control of the cast. Axel started it and everyone followed. The cast are actually terrible extras. They are too dramatic and noticeable in the background so party scenes like Daphné’s birthday were a nightmare to shoot.

Assa and Laïs rehearsed the Unknown dance clip every chance they got between every take, everyone kept tripping on them in the corridors.

The last sequences they filmed were actually the last clips at Imane’s house for the Eïd. Axel isn’t in the last shot because he had to leave for his play. He actually ruined the very last clip of season 4 by shouting his goodbyes to David from across the corner.

SEASON 5

The auditions for season 5 and 6 were held in June. Lucas was spotted through his youtube channel and asked to audition.

Coline learned sign language by herself after an initiation class with the whole team. She started signing in July and has been practicing ever since. Robin took a one week class in September and then kept practicing by himself and with the D/deaf people on set. David and the rest of the team also took an initiation class.

Robin doesn’t like water and was anxious about the scenes in the pool. David got in the water with Xavier, Robin and Winona to reassure him and direct them better. They limited the number of extras around the pool because of that.

The place where Eliott works is where David used to work when he was younger.

Coline wrote a song for the season

They couldn’t leave the mural in the high school so they took it off the wall (it wasn’t actually painted on the wall itself) and cut it into pieces. There are a few pieces framed on the walls of Lucas and Eliott’s flat.

#skam france #skam france bts #gaelle parle

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years ago

Text

34. Ivory

Previous Trigger Warnings for mentions of underage/revenge porn, mentions of eating disorder Word Count: 8388

Between Grace making that post of her rapping along to Captain Hook, her saying "aye aye" to Simon in comments, and this photo of Simon's D print in the gray sweatpants, I'm starting to think he's packing a curve 👀

Simon Laurent "liked"

Commenter: He is! Did you never see the old sex tape?

Poster: The WHAT? No… But, wait… I thought that they dated in school. You mean like something that happened after that?

Commenter: They were in school, but it was online for the longest time before she snitched, so I’m sure somebody still has it out there…

Poster: That’s gross. I’m not that desperate to see it that I wanna look at some kids doing it. No thank you.

Simon Laurent “liked”

Commenter is blocked by Simon.

Grace was in the grocery store with her mother and brother, and Zasha, a white samoyed puppy that Mrs. Monroe had purchased from a breeder… to potentially train to be in competitions, and Zasha’s handler. Why did Mrs. Monroe bring Zasha into the store, just to have someone else hold her? For the same reason that the nanny was also there, tending to Montanus. “Because, that is literally what I pay them to do.” But… we’re at the grocery store and didn’t even have to BRING them! Grace didn’t argue.

However, she did wonder if she was suffering from some type of weird mid life crisis, or just a rich, bored woman whose husband was working more and more all of the time, despite supposedly getting closer to retirement. Then, she wondered if they weren’t doing so well. But, she kept those wonders to herself, as it would frighten her to know whatever the truth was if it was anything other than her mother did whatever she wanted because she could afford to.

Plus, she wanted to get out of the house, and apparently that had been reduced to tagging along with Grace at the grocery store, in case she needed help. “You’re almost 6 months, correct? How has it been? Online, one would swear that you’re Diahanne Caroll in her prime. You’ve rarely broken a sweat. Is that for your fans?”

Grace shook her head and read the label of something before putting it into her cart, “I haven’t had any problems, except for eating way more than I used to and getting gas, but those calcium chews usually help with that and I bounce right back. You know, I’ve always taken really great care of myself, think things through and pay top dollar for the finest self care. I guess that the baby is pleased with their temporary temple.” She smiled at her mom and noticed the woman looked leery. “I know… you had a very rough pregnancy with me. Believe me, I remember this fact, but I haven’t been having that experience, personally. In fact… Did you know that I’ve gained THOUSANDS of new followers since they’ve seen that I was pregnant. Pregnant people have been asking me what I use for this and for that and I’ve been plugging my brand, since we’ve got the pregnancy line now. It’s been sensational. I’ve had a blast!”

Grace had been working on a blog about her pregnancy, which she began with a video addressing all of the questions to all of the people who were not her.

“Hey, Those That Are Graced!” She’d cheered into the camera, “Happy New Year! I know that I’ve been unavailable to reach out too, and believe me, I do miss interacting with fans and followers, but I am currently not working on my career, to focus on other things in my life. Just to touch base with everyone, I feel like we’ve had this discussion before and those of you who actually respect me would definitely not need it repeated, but there have been so many new faces of possibly unfamiliar followers that I am revisiting notes that I have in all of my bios…

First, my professional life is one thing, my private life is another. I extend myself professionally, and over the past few months, even though I have not actually been working, I’ve still been spending time providing everyone with content. Please do not send messages, comments, or questions for me to any of my friends, and especially not to my family members, Hazel in particular. She is 12 and shouldn’t have adults bothering her for information that not only isn’t her concern, but isn’t your concern. She wants to be able to enjoy the limited hours of screen time that she’s allowed. That becomes difficult for her when people are asking her hundreds of questions that literally are related to her mother’s sex life.

Second, my professional life is offered at my discretion, as well. Whenever there is product that I think you should try, I will announce it. If I’m not familiar with a product or no arrangements have been made for me to try a product or I’m unaware of a product… my comments is not the place for said product. That is including everything from your all natural care supplies, book recommendations, your demos, your dance videos… Like… I LOVE receiving those things, but whenever I open my comments back up, that is not where those things go.

I have links for email addresses for avenues of business, entertainment, etc on my website, and if nothing else, my website is featured on every form of social media that I have. I am the person who goes through those emails. I am NOT the person who checks my social media messages, so you will never get a response from me through those and run the risk of me not seeing something if you send it there instead.

Third, my spaces have boundaries and moderators to enforce those boundaries. Whenever you’ve been allowed to be a guest in any of my spaces or my child’s spaces, you treat that shit like Afropunk - “No sexism, no racism, no ableism, no homophobia, no fatphobia, no transphobia, no hatefulness.” And then, since I’m not Afropunk and I have even greater needs, and can’t believe I have to say this much else: No pedophilia, no inappropriate interactions with a minor, no incestuous ideation, and no nudity. My moderators are quick, but not perfect. Your fellow guests and neighbors in my spaces should never have to see jokes about my mother and I engaged in sexual acts together, or worse, my UNDERAGE daughter, and no - Hazel and I posting a dance video is not an invitation for someone to make comments that because she might be fluid in her movements that it is sexually suggestive and if ever we find one of those headass posts where you put a photo of my beautiful daughter up, say something obscene or rude or ask, “Thoughts?” Simon finds out your IP address, sometimes more than that and he doxxes your ass. Ask around. If threats of violence or suggestions of harm are given… he might show up at your house and I don’t know what to even tell you about that one, because I’m not at liberty to say, according to the lawyers.”

She smiled, relaxed, unclenched her teeth that she realized had been clenched since she began her greater needs.

“Fourth, leave Hazel alone. She isn’t going to add you, because she is not allowed to add adults that she does not know. If you follow her public figure pages, those are for her poetry, her brand, her rapping, her artwork, her theater program, and whatever announcements she wants to share with her fans about her personal life, which is usually vague and innocent. If Hazel posts that she had a great time at the premiere of some movie, that is not the place to ask her personal questions. The place to ask her personal questions is nowhere! We don’t have a space created for strangers to ask her personal questions. She sometimes will be allowed to grant an interview, in which she will answer a professional about appropriate questions that have been approved.

Fifth, shut up about Simon! Shut up about Simon! I swear to you… In the past few years that Simon and I have been in communication and the ones that we’ve been in close communication, I KNOW that you realize that we are communicating, but that falls under my private life, which I have not created a space in the public for.

Now… you may speak with Simon about whatever things he speaks about in his private life, I can’t control that, but what I can control and do control is what he will or won’t say about me, even in HIS space. Yes. I got it like that, and what will happen, is Simon will be seeing this, and he is very good at remembering details and he will memorize everything that I’ve said here and he will respect that and enforce it, even in HIS space.

Which leads me to my last thing… There’s a lot of Esmoroth fanfolk in my spaces now and you all act a certain way in your little Esmoroth corner of the Internet… but in here, in Grace’s space, you better act like you’ve been tossed to the feet of the Idol Princess when her pheromones are igniting the internal flame of servitude. Because, we stan the Idol Princess in this space, and you’d better act right.”

After the release of the 3rd book and return of the Idol Princess aka the Future Queen, several fans were disappointed and had called Simon out for “pandering.” But, several MORE fans came around. He was competing for top spots with the YA novel greats after the 3rd book. But… that also meant more fans to be in Grace’s business.

Her New Year’s announcement remained pinned at the top of her page and the next post was text, “Oh, yeah. Last but not least, you may have noticed that I’m pregnant. I’ll be featuring some of my favorite findings on my maternity journey here, so please stay tuned if you’re pregnant, expecting, or planning, for what I think and hope will be some helpful tips for your journey!”

Most of the Esmoroth fandom didn’t like her very much, but they also “just couldn’t stay away. Aside from the Grace in Maternity blog, she still didn’t have social media open for commentary, though she did sometimes pass through Simon’s or Hazel’s comments and engaged a little bit with them. She pinned the video to other sites and then just didn’t really visit them again much.

“I could barely walk whenever I was six months pregnant. I had the finest of everything, too,” Mrs. Monroe broke into her thoughts. “Then again, I had what they now call an eating disorder for several years. I… wasn’t completely… well whenever you were announced…” she looked guilty, like she did whenever she faced her own failures as a mother. “We had to get a 24 hour nurse to keep me… healthy. By seven months, I could hardly get out of bed.”

Grace furrowed her eyebrows, “Mom… you’ve never told me that you had an eating disorder. Did you ever get help for it?”

“Help? Oh… like… whenever I had to be rushed to the hospital multiple times? Yes. I got help.”

“MOM… Did you ever heal?”

“Wait, are you asking me if I have disordered eating now? Heaven’s no, Grace. I was trapped with your father by the time you were born. I eventually realized that I had to be more… alive and well than I did flawless. We hired a nutritionist and personal chef.”

“Mom… a lot of people need psychological help for something like that.”

“And I come across to you as ‘a lot of people’? Hmph. It’s pathetic enough that I allowed myself to be so weak. I wasn’t going to beg someone to give me the strength I needed.”

“That’s not what it’s like at all…” Grace cupped her mother’s face and said, “There may be things that people need to help you with, Mom. That doesn’t make you weak or whatever else you’ve convinced yourself of. It didn’t make me weak when I needed to get help. It doesn’t make Hazel weak when she needs help…”

Mrs. Monroe waved Grace’s hands off of her face, “As long as you’re fine, have no other concerns.”

“Mom…”

“Were you done with the shopping?” Grace sighed and continued moving.

Simon was pacing, clenching and unclenching his fists. Several of the message boards, every one of his social media platforms, and even at least one of Hazel’s. He’d taken her devices away, but now she was angry and he certainly couldn’t find the words to explain beyond, “You can’t be online right now.” She was scribbling aggressively in one of her paper journals, and fuming. They both were fuming from different but related reasons.

Grace came in with her little shopping entourage and Hazel rushed to her, furiously.

“Your BOY TOY took my devices DURING screen time and REFUSES to give them back!” Grace’s eyes went wide and she turned to look at Simon, who was pacing and didn’t even seem to hear the accusation, notice that she came in or to see Monty. Something was absolutely wrong here.

“Help get the groceries and I’ll get your devices, okay?” Grace said and cupped her chin. Hazel was still breathing heavily as she stormed out towards the groceries and Mrs. Monroe settled on the couch. Grace took Simon’s hand and he was startled by her sudden touch. But, the moment he realized it was her, he let out a deep breath and wrapped her up in a tight hug. “Hey. Let’s go talk, okay?” She suggested, rubbing his back. He nodded his head, but didn’t move from the spot or lessen his hold on. She squirmed a little bit and said politely, “Oxygen, Gray Eyes..” He let up and rushed out of the room. Grace followed and watched him flop on the bed and cover his face with his fists. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“We’ve been doing SO well…” He said, shaking his head.

“We have.” So, this is something that he did wrong? “And the only way that we continue doing well is to be open and caring with each other.” He slicked back the wild hairs that weren’t pulled into his ponytail. He appeared to be in a lot of pain, but she had to get whatever this was settled. “Should I go online? Will I see what happened, if I do?” She pulled out her phone, mumbling, “I’m guessing that’s why Hazel’s stuff was confiscate-” He snatched the phone from her hands and she let out a yelp, both at the audacity and the fact that she didn’t even see him get up.

“No. I have to tell you. You can’t find out on the Internet. SHE can’t get on. She CAN’T!”

“Why can’t she? Because, she’s pretty pissed and it IS her screen time…”

“Because, the internet is relentless and unkind, and she’s too young to have to deal with how much. Not today. She’ll… I’ll… give her extra time once it's died down.”

“Tell me what’s going on, Simon.”

He frowned, “Someone brought the tape up.” At first, she was confused. Was this something about the movie? Why would he be so upset as to take Hazel’s… “And it’s recirculating again. I’ve been reporting it and fans have been reporting it and it gets taken down, but more and more people have seen it now and it’s just… too much. I don’t want her to run into it…” NOW, she understood. That tape… which… technically… it was done with a webcam, so it was never a tape, it was a recording, but… “I saw it again… not watched it, but you know, saw a portion of it whenever I was reporting it… God…” He sat down on the bed, “You’re a kid, Grace. You had the rounded face and everything…”

“Ummm… You’re a month and a day older than me, Dude.” she said, sitting down, trying to pretend that she was more calm than her heart was allowing. She could barely breathe, thinking about the feelings that just mentioning that used to bring up for her. She wasn’t sure how she might react to seeing it come up somewhere. But, maybe she should try…

She gently took her phone back, despite his struggling. One stern look and he let it go, realizing that she was determined and he was probably already in a lot of trouble, if something had been triggered. She nodded, “Yep, looks like a few people have tagged me, asking me if I saw that somebody posted it…” She went to the video and he clenched the bedspread, moving his legs uncontrollably and looking straight ahead. “You know, a lot of people used to say that you couldn’t see your face in it, that it was out of frame, but it does come into frame a few times…” she said. She paused, “See?” He shook his head. “Simon, you’re not even gonna indulge me a little bit at a time like this?”

His frown deepened and he took another long breath. She was right. SHE was the victim in this. The least he could do was take a look at his disgusting handiwork. He saw himself and he recoiled. “You were a kid, too,” she said. “Sure, at the time, this hurt more than anything my brain can recall. But… I do know, as a grown ass woman, you were wrong and also were a child. Both of those things can be accurate.”

“We’re only a few years older than Hazel, there. If some kid did something like this to her… I would…”

“I would hope that you’d remember that you were their age once and just as bad.”

“Is… is that how you would react?”

“Oh, hell no. I’ve never done anything like this. I’d kill that fucking kid. But, you would have to be the adult that fucking pulls me off of him…” She laughed and scratched at his beard, “But, nothing like this will happen to Hazel. She’s a good judge of character and we know all of her friends.”

“Your parents knew me too, and I think that they’re pretty good judges of character. Your mom at least. She always knew that I was rotten.”

“No she didn’t! She knew that you weren’t rich, and in her head those two things were the same thing. She knew that you were controlling, and she thought that I was going to sacrifice myself for you, but she didn’t think that you were going to straight up try to assassinate my entire character.” He looked away from her, “And NOW, you are very diligent in making sure that you aren’t crossing any lines, with me and with Hazel, my mother, my father, and I think people in general. This wasn’t long enough ago that it’s not hurtful to think about… but it was long enough ago to not beat yourself up over. But… It is a burden that you designed. So, it’s only right that you explain to Hazel exactly why she shouldn’t be online right now.”

Hazel took it so much better than she had taken him taking away her computer and phone. “Are you serious? I’ll just avoid social media. You KNOW I don’t wanna see anything like that, myself, but I already knew that it existed out there somewhere.” She shook her head, “I don’t like the way you look with clothes ON, think I’d run the risk of seeing you without them?”

Grace suggested, “Is there anything else you want to say to him? Maybe about how you broke the news to me when I got home?”

“Oh..” Hazel flared her nostrils and rolled her eyes, “Sorry I called you Mom’s Boy Toy… You kinda are, but I shouldn’t say it…”

Simon laughed, mostly because he was relieved that she wasn’t scarred by him having to talk to her about this video resurfacing. “You kidding? I’m gonna put that on a t-shirt.”

“No cap? Because I have SO many where that came from.”

“We’ve gotta brainstorm.”

“Simpsona T-shirts can be your new thing…” And just like that, Grace watched them be best friends again. Hazel could get mad and stay mad for a long time, but she didn’t like to argue, so even whenever she got mad, she tended to stay to herself until she wasn’t. The two of them left to go sit on the swing set outside of the house they were renting, and Grace sat by her mom on the couch.

“I don’t even want to know what that was about.”

“Cool, because I wasn’t gonna tell you.”

“You don’t have to. One of your “boy toy’s” fans will.” Grace laughed and then threw her head onto her mom’s shoulder. The woman gasped at first, taken aback by the show of affection, but then placed her hand on Grace’s. “You’re a very good mother to both of them. You’ll be a good one to that one too.” she pointed her free hand at Grace’s belly.

“Did you just…?”

“Come on, you’ve been raising yourself a man since you met him and I’ll stand by that forever. Might get it engraved on my headstone.”

Grace cackled, “I absolutely AM NOT raising him!”

“He is literally a life sized puppy that went through a rebellious phase where he kept biting you!”

“Well, I finally realized that I have the power to curve that behavior… and trust me, Mom… It’s not something you’d do with somebody you’re raising.” Grace stuck her tongue out.

“Get off of me you scoundrel!” Her mother joked. Grace just laughed and held on tighter. The woman put her arm around her. “Are you okay, Darling?”

“Whenever I was hurt or scared as a little girl, I was more afraid of admitting it to you and Daddy. I would be more hurt by the thoughts of how little you would think of me if I openly showed imperfection. Not feeling that way took a long time and a lot of work. So, now, if I have a hard day, I’m not too proud to lay on my mommy and say so.” She looked to gauge her mother’s reaction. She was always speechless whenever Grace got emotional.

She’d never learn past those suppressing ways and it amazed Grace that her mother didn’t realize how much her and Simon were alike in that way. Simon had to work really hard at it and her mother was too proud and pampered to put in such effort. But, whenever Grace booped her nose, the woman’s eyes flickered amusement, ever so slightly. Now, she pushed Grace off of herself and opened her arms to receive Montanus. “Take a photograph of me with my children,” She told the nanny. “One with the two human ones, then we’ll add the new fur baby…”

She still hadn’t made any announcements about her status with Simon, nor had she spoken about her pregnancy outside of the maternity blog by the time Valentines’ Day rolled around. But, one thing that she did was allow for Simon to share maternity photos. That was her “gift” to him.

There. Were. Tons.

Simon took photos of everything. He had a copy of every ultrasound. He had an electronic journal of every detail that came up. So, whenever he posted the album “Countdown to Ivory’s Arrival,” he had more photos than most of the fans were probably going to look through. Therefore, he left many of them private, with only close friends able to view, and the ones that were public were his favorites of the candids of Grace being pregnant and gorgeous, some of the ones from photoshoots that she would post, and the professional maternity photos that they had taken so far. They took some each trimester, as a family.

The ones at her three month mark were taken in New York, early November (around their anniversary, whenever he was in town. They had fall colors and all three of them were absolutely stunning. Hazel was impressed with how well that Simon cleaned up, so much that whenever he showed her older photos of himself, she thought he was a different person. She had no idea how right about that she was. Simon being both subservient and also a mega diva himself was absolutely salivating every time Grace did something, but also, it was him who insisted, "We have to have a photoshoot each trimester, each with a different theme.” She agreed on the trimesters, but wasn’t feeling the theme part so much. She told him that they could simply have the season be the theme.

They had three changes of outfits for each set. Grace had a gown made much like the one that she had worn to the fall festival in 9th grade (the one that the Idol Princess’ gown was very heavily based on, the one that Simon had taken photos of her in, getting her first beauty deal underway), one that Simon saw her in and immediately began crying. “You’re… gonna ruin the photos,” Hazel told him.

There were candid ones of him crying. Her favorite was one where he was crying, Grace was trying to comfort him and Hazel dropped in front of them, bombing it with a prison pose and her tongue out. She had on a yellow pantsuit with fall leaves in her hair, her signature look being wearing leaves in her hair. Simon’s yellow suit was similar to hers, but way more expensive and the red accents, instead of the orange ones that Hazel elected.

The orange outfits were Hazel in orange overalls, Grace in a romper and Simon in a jumpsuit that Hazel insisted was “the most expensive prison wear in the world.” The red ones were regal matching dress attire, Grace in a two piece dress to show off her belly, Hazel in the same floor length evening gown, but one piece, and Simon in a red suit, made of the same material. Hazel’s hair was down and flowing. Grace’s was gathered up, with most of her afro pulled forward, cascading out of the jeweled red head dress she wore, and Simon’s usually (these days) flowing hair was pulled into a ponytail, with the undercut showing. He was generally self conscious about it, but Hazel put little red jewels over his scar, so even though he was still anxious about his hair, he was proud of her accessorizing enough that he wanted to confidently show it off.

The six month ones were taken in January, and done in all white, which Hazel said, “Looks fabulous on mom and me, but you look like the abominable snowman,” to Simon, on the day of. They were in California by that time, but took a little trip to the mountains because the Monroes had property there that Simon remembered had beautiful scenery that he wanted to have family photos at.

They did all white shots and winter blues.

Whenever Simon posted them on Valentines’ Day, Hazel joked in the comments, “I still say that we need to crop your face out.”

People loved the maternity photos, noticed that Grace did NOT have any on her page and she didn’t comment or react to any on Simon’s page. (Yes, these people pay entirely too much attention to the lives of celebrities that they didn’t even KNOW), but someone did some investigating and found Grace’s pregnancy blog. So… even though that was mostly a completely different following, others stormed into the space, thinking that FINALLY, some place where Grace has actually been interacting and will interact with us. She literally ignored anybody that wasn’t asking about helpful tips for their own pregnancy or giving her helpful tips and the title changed from, “Grace in Maternity” to “Y’all Can See This is a Mommy Blog, Right?”

A few people were seething, but funny enough, Grace’s faithful mommy following were more along the lines of, “Wait… You’re FAMOUS, Monroe Mommy???” After that, she had a hoard of moms check out her other life. She enjoyed having more of them in her fan base, though she also had a lot of ones who had always known being like, “Y’all seriously didn’t know Grace Monroe?” and her favorite quote ever on that blog, “Hell, her album is the reason I AM pregnant!!!”

Meanwhile, Simon had been less likely to play around with any of the fans ever since the video thing. He’d made that very clear, and then sort of stopped interacting with them. He didn’t even go through to like people’s comments anymore. Some of them would say things like, “Whoever resurfaced that video, if we find you, it's on sight for making Simon hate speaking with us!”

Sometimes a person would “Lol” and contend, “He’s too busy working on the Esmoroth movie. He’s not here because of the movie not some fuzzy sex tape from years ago.”

Those were the only ones that he’d respond to just to say, “No, they’re right,” and nothing else.

He wasn’t as busy on the Esmoroth movie as he intended to be. He was working on more tech and models for the movie than any other movie things. For one thing, the script was being adapted, and casting was hard. The casting director wanted to get a different type for the Idol Princess, but Simon was extremely firm and clear that the Idol Princess HAD to look exactly as described in the book. “There are parts of the story that are directly related to her looking the way that she does.”

“We can adjust those parts,” the director had said, hoping to appease him.

“The Idol Princess looks like my childhood best friend. Her look is non negotiable,” he had told them. They didn’t believe in non negotiable, apparently, because the girls that were being considered were all much too light. Whenever Simon had rejected them all, they informed him of those girls’ filmographies and their agents and other people said agents represented.. “Maybe they have that type of record because people are hiring them for roles that were meant to be for someone else. Just… give me all of the call sheets for girl characters who auditioned.”

He went through and disqualified half on looks alone (not to say that they weren’t pretty children or whatever, but they didn’t look like the Idol Princess). Whenever he had the stack of dark skin girls, he went through, checking their filmographies and auditions.

He asked Hazel for her opinion and she suggested a name that he recognized from his rejected stack. He pulled it back up and looked at the light skinned girl in the photo, "Do you mean this girl, Hazel?" He wondered.

"Yes! She's a really good actress!"

He furrowed his eyebrows and pointed out, "But she doesn't look like the Idol Princess. The Idol Princess has dark brown skin, tightly coiled hair, full nose and lips, and dark brown eyes. This girl has none of those things."

Hazel shrugged her shoulders, "She's really good though."

"Well… maybe some of these other girls are really good and people just don't want to see them in stuff like this."

Hazel frowned and she asked, "Are you accusing me of favoring her because she's got features like mine?"

"No. I'm just saying that she doesn't look the part. You're usually really good about that kind of thing, Haze."

"Well… I don't know anybody in the age range that looks like the description of the Idol Princess." She folded her arms, "But like you said, maybe that's because people take the easy way out and just get the pretty Black girl that they know of to play a part instead of being true to characters. I've definitely read more books with dark skinned girls than I've seen in movies…"

"Here are some of my choices," he said and spread the sheets out before her. "I think this one has the look, but I think this one had a better audition. BUT, she was auditioning for a background character and this one was auditioning for the Wicked Heiress. Maybe she just didn't have that role in her and should audition for the Idol Princess, so we can know for sure.."

"I think that maybe they should all audition for the Idol Princess again. What if they just didn't believe it would be realistic that they'd get offered a job like this, especially if bigger stars are being considered? Sometimes, I have to talk kids into auditioning for our productions because they're worried that the same actors will win out anyway."

He gave her a side smile, "I think you're onto something, Haze."

Hazel sent out the invites for Grace’s baby shower. Unfortunately, all of Grace’s friends lived elsewhere, so it would be an expensive trip. Fortunately, they had money, so the Monroes could foot the bill for everyone who didn’t just have the means to travel across country for an event.

Meta flew in with Damita from New York the previous week, but he made some business plans to collab with a Cali artist that week, so he was working, as well. Meanwhile, Damita and Grace were spending the week reconnecting and chilling. Shana and Iza came in from Atlanta the night before. Gharrisahn was already in LA for work, so she would swing by the day of. Grace’s parents arranged for Mikayla and Tulip to come down. They were in coach on the same flight that Lucy’s and Lindsay’s moms and they were in first class, so they’d all meet the driver upon landing.

Hazel had on a headset, along with Simon’s assistant and Grace’s assistant, because Hazel had arranged the shower and she wanted to make sure that things went how she meant for them to.

Grace was in a custom made gown that was inspired by Book 3 of Esmoroth and Simon had been at her side simply staring at her for the entire time she had it on. It had been a surprise. A very nice one that he apparently loved. She hired the costume designer for the movie to make her several pieces, but this one was like the one that the Idol Princess resurrects in. Grace was now hip to the lore enough, mainly from paying attention to Hazel’s ravings, and her and Simon’s movie chat.

For the most part, Grace didn’t want to have a shower. All of her friends lived elsewhere, the baby was due sort of close to Hazel’s birthday and she still wanted Hazel to be able to have a party - which she doubted would be able to happen if she waited until after they were born, so she wanted to have Hazel’s birthday party, INSTEAD of a shower and Hazel said, “How about you just worry about slaying everybody in your peak perfection pregnancy, and I’ll take care of the shower?”

With the financial backing of GlamMother, her dad’s big brain, and her own penchant for moments and aesthetics, Hazel tended to be very good at making things come together. She even produced some choreography (Doereography, as she called her pieces), for her and her mother to perform, because, yes, Grace was good and swollen by May, but she also could still do mostly everything that she was doing before with that additional bundle. It did throw her balance off a little and she couldn’t lift Hazel at the moment, but she kept up with every step of the Irish step dancing that Hazel put into the choreo, and she absolutely could still nail every Haitian movement. Hazel wanted to make a birthday choreo with ties to her heritage, and Grace was always very supportive of her doing anything that made her feel connected to her identity.

For good measure, Hazel looked up cultures from Grace and Simon’s heritages too. She was most accustomed to American jazz/hip hop and ballet. She started at 6, with Grace and when they were apart, Grace used to make instructional videos and post them just for Hazel. Whenever she was 10, she started to tap, and all of the other things in between, she and Grace perfected, and whenever she really wanted to nail something, they’d call in a world class trainer.

Hazel felt that a world class trainer was needed for the baby shower. Grace very much so disagreed. So, Hazel got her grandmother to get them. “Next time, simply come to me first,” the woman had said.

Hazel opened up with one of her raps. Her mom’s friends (as always) got their entire lives whenever she would flow - which was possibly the reason that she honed her talent, if she thought about it - and even Simon would be into the groove with things. He didn’t have the best rhythm, but he certainly always looked way taken up with her talent. Grace bouncing around with a round belly was everything in the world to Hazel, and when she was done, she waddled over to hug her.

They played games, did some traditional shower things and some new things too, that Hazel consulted with celebrity event planners for. When it was time for gifts, Grace froze, looking at the way that everything flowed. It was like her 16th birthday again and she felt like she might have a panic attack. “Grace… It’s okay,” Simon said. She looked at him on the other side of the tete a tete and he smiled, “I learned my lesson. This is straight up simply tribute.” He kissed her on the forehead and she calmed down to receive gifts and cry about everything, but manage to not look ugly doing so, because no matter how comfortable she had gotten over the years, that was still engrained in her as a huge no-no.

Winding down from the party, she found Hazel and her friends at the photo booth, having switched out their baby shower outfits for their birthday party outfits. “Where’s Simon?”

“Bullying people about their gifts,” Hazel said nonchalantly.

“Oh God…” Grace raced over and smiled, “Hey… what’s uh… what’s going on?”

Mrs. Monroe stood behind Simon with her arms folded and Mr. Laurent was in front of them. Simon answered, “Well, I’m giving people things back that went against the specifications for the list.”

“I don’t remember making specifications for the list.”

“You wouldn’t, because you didn’t, I did. You aren’t particularly great at meticulous things and you don’t pay attention whenever I’m telling you plans like these,” Simon said.

“We’re not gonna send a gift back with the person who gave it to us.”

“What are we gonna do, donate it to charity? Because I am not putting this together for our baby. This company uses…”

“Thank you, Mr. Laurent. Thank you for coming and thank you for this gift.” She gave the man a pat on the hand and smiled at Simon. He was still frowning, along with her mother. “You’re backing him up, now?” She got flashbacks of whenever they used to gang up on her and she was very salty that she had to defend MR. LAURENT of all people against the devastating team and Simon and her mother could be.

“He specifically said nothing from that company ON THE LIST,” her mom said, beginning a tirade against this man, with her and Simon taking turns on letting him know exactly how he’d fucked up.

“Their product is cheap and substandard.”

“They’ve decimated the supply of the people in the area they harness things from TO make cheap product.”

“And they use slave labor!”

“Child slaves.”

“OKAY! Okay… That’s a good company to boycott. But hear me out… Mr. Laurent is a simple man who shops at like three places and definitely doesn’t look up things like that,” Grace said.

To which Simon and Mrs. Monroe both reminded her, (loudly) “It was on the list!”

“I made it clear which companies we weren’t accepting gifts from!”

“It’s already bought.” Simon was going to continue complaining, but Grace took his hands and placed them on her belly and he immediately softened up and stared at it. “This is the most important thing, right?”

He looked up at her and cupped her face, shifting himself to touch foreheads with her. Hazel appeared out of nowhere to bomb the photo that they weren’t even expecting Lucy to take.

“Wait, that was it?” Grace wondered. Let’s be clear… she did go through a lot of pain and it was a tough time in the birthing house, even with Simon right beside her and Hazel, her mother and her best friend nearby. But… it felt like there should be something else happening or that something was missing, that she had neglected something, or like something didn’t happen that was supposed to.

She supposed that she had simply set her expectations so deeply into the thought of pain, struggle, blood, sweat and tears, that when it came… her imagination had actually run wild. Simon had kept telling her she was doing well and how he was proud of her and other affirmations. He was holding the baby now while she was being cleaned up.

“Did everything happen?” Grace asked.

Hazel went over the checklist with her. Yes. Everything happened. “Did I pass out?” No. She was awake. She was there for every grueling minute. It just was a different experience for her than what her mother described, than what she read and interpreted.

The professionals explained to her how her birthing went relatively well, what to do next, etc. Charlotte, from the center, even talked to her about how it’s not only different for everyone, but how all four of her own pregnancies and births were different from the last. Grace was expecting something terrible to happen within the first few days, just because it didn’t seem like everything had happened! The paranoia died down on day 3 and she simply was back to cuddling with her new baby.

They looked like her, so far. Hazel made them a stuffie of a potato in a diaper… the baby just looked like a potato. She didn’t know how else to express that. Simon worshipped them. He was constantly holding them whenever Grace wasn’t. He was close by whenever she fed them. He took so many photos on his phone that within days, he surpassed all of the ones he had of Monty from the past several months.

NONE of those were going online any time soon. Grace had only posted a few days after giving birth her experience with having done so. She bounced back so quickly and looked so effortlessly beautiful that some people were claiming that she had been trolling and was never actually pregnant. She found that funny, but it also was her cue to duck away from the Internet for a while again.

The first month of Ivory’s life, they were for the most part a quiet baby. Simon frequently worried that something was wrong, checking, rechecking, then coming back and checking again that they were breathing, awake, happy, etc. Grace was more like, “You’re so gross. Look at you! Drooling all over everything. Little slobbery monster!” She spoke in a high pitched voice that made Ivory smile and kick their little legs around.

“GRACE! Don’t say that!” Simon insisted. “You’re gonna make them feel bad.”

“No way! Ivory’s a tough little cookie, like their Mama. I gonna bite you, Cookie! Mama gonna bite you!” Then she playfully nibbled at their feet and hands.

Simon studied the baby for a while and determined, “They seem to be enjoying it.” He would then relax a little.

Hazel was the only person allowed to post photos of Ivory, and comments were always closed. The first one was on Hazel’s birthday. She was in a sundress, tanned a little more than usual and Ivory and she had on matching rompers and sunhats. “Ivory came 13 days before my 13th year. They really said, “I’ma be 13 too, Sis.” Look at them. Tiny. Tiny Potato. Sis has your back for life. #taurustribe #jk #idcboutthat #MonroeSibs #Doetography #HouseLaurent

And there it was. All that anyone needed to see. You honestly couldn’t tell what the baby looked like, but how could anybody doubt Hazel’s hashtag “House Laurent?”

Simon sort of liked having a private family. He wasn’t sure why he had been so eager to have people acknowledge things before. Even one year ago, he needed for somebody, anybody to know that he slept in the same bed with Grace Monroe. He needed for her to say “I love you.” He needed to hear Hazel call him “dad.” He still loved those things, but he had everything he could have ever wanted… it just looked different than he thought it would.

Why did he want to “take care of” Grace for so long? She was caoable of taking care of herself, probably better than he was of himself. She had talents (was ALREADY back to working on new dances with Hazel and new music), qualities… God… that smile made him weak… She had several other things too, but if he sat there making a list, he’d be there for a while, and he COULDN’T be there for a while, because Ivory was six weeks old and Grace told him that he could take them with him to work.

He began strapping the baby into the stroller… “Are you… where are you trying to take my baby?” Grace asked.

“My calendar says that they’re six weeks old. I can take them to work with me.”

Grace put her hands on her hips and Simon frowned. “You said it. I have a recording of you saying it.”

“Well, I said that we shouldn’t take them anywhere before six weeks…”

“And I set my calendar,” Simon completed the thought and pulled the diaper bag onto his shoulder. “Abigail is bringing Monty, so they’ll have a play date.”

“Oh, she is?” Grace asked, toweling herself down. “Hold on. I’m coming.”

“Grace, I’m gonna be late!”

“I’m not letting you go be a Daddy sized snack with TWO cute babies on you with a cute, perfect bodied nanny with no friends!”

“I don’t think she’s all that cute and I have no idea what her body looks like!”

“It doesn’t look like she pushed a baby out of it six weeks ago!”

“NEITHER DOES YOURS!”

She came into the room, changed up and smiling, “Awww. That’s so sweet.”

“How did you?” She looked perfect. She looked perfect and she couldn’t have taken any longer than five minutes. And she thought she had anything to worry about? But, he wasn’t complaining. If he had Grace and the baby around, that was just better, all around.

“I’m staying here,” Hazel told them and continued dancing in the mirror.

Grace was standing on the scooter, with Simon behind her, sporadically kissing her on the neck every now and then, making her smile and gush. Whenever they pulled into the studio Simon took the baby out, which Grace noticed was wearing an oversized heather gray, “Proof he got lucky with Grace Monroe” onesie. “Simon! What did you…?” She gasped and saw that he had a shirt, the same color that read, “I got lucky with Grace Monroe.”

“In my defense, you weren’t supposed to be here today!” Simon told her.

“How many shirts and onesie sets did you buy?”

“Not a lot. I bought WAY MORE t-shirts than I did onesies.” She fell behind a little and the back of that man’s shirt said “Grace’s Babydaddy.”

“Simon…”

“In my defense… You were right there whenever I walked out of the house wearing it.” She laughed. “It’s just in the studio. I’m working on some mechanics. There’s not gonna be cameras on me or anything.” She was still pouting. “I know that you’re super secretive, but I’m sure that most of the people who give a damn about what we do already know that this is indeed my baby…”

“It’s not that.”

“Well, what is it?”

“Ugh. I wanted to do this whole reveal thing for you on Sunday! I was gonna make this long, sweet post and open my comments and EVERYTHING. Now, I feel like it won’t have the same effect…” His eyes were already all watery, just from her THINKING about doing so.

“Sunday is Father’s Day…”

“Yeah. I can keep my own secrets. Not tell people about my pregnancy or who I bone or how I share time with my daughter or whatever, but I didn’t plan on making you stay in the shadows of my spotlight for the rest of our lives, especially when it comes to this. You’ve been an immense pain in the ass, but you’re a wonderful father and I figured it’d be a good… coming out of sorts for me to acknowledge that on that day.”

He cradled Ivory closely, “You can still do that.”

“Well, you’ve announced it all over your clothes and also… I just told you the entire plan!”

“I love knowing plans!” Simon said. “Here.” He took off the shirt and threw on his hoodie, which it was too hot for and then they changed the baby’s onesie too. “I sort of want to eat it up whenever people actually find out from you that I am indeed, who you bone.” She laughed. “This is the best spoiled surprise that I’ve ever had!”

“Well… I didn’t tell you ALL my plans, so there’s still stuff to look forward to.”

“Yeah?” He asked, casually as they walked inside.

“Mmm hmm.”

“Can I have a hint?”

“Something that starts with the letter P.” Simon turned red and she smiled brightly.

“Uh. Didn’t put THAT on your calendar, did you?”

His lip dropped, “I DIDN'T!” He frowned, “In my defense… we don’t really do that enough for it to have been something I was counting down to.” He smirked, “But every time we do…” He raised his eyebrows and smiled at her. She bit her lip and shook her head, “Nope. Sunday. You aren’t gonna beard break me, Mr. Laurent.”

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years ago

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03/01/2021 DAB Transcript

Leviticus 24:1-25:46, Mark 10:13-31, Psalms 44:9-26, Proverbs 10:20-21

Today is the 1st day of March welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today as we greet a brand-new month, the third month of the year. It really does feel like we just began the journey, I don't know, maybe a couple weeks ago, but here we are. We’ve already moved through two full months of this year together and two full months moving through the Scriptures together. We’ve covered some significant territory in the Bible and what we’re gonna do is put one foot in front of the other and take all of the steps through this month and just keep going and we will accomplish the entire Bible this year. But let’s…let’s just mark where we are beginning this month. And we invite God to speak to us through the Scriptures, through the power of the Holy Spirit, guiding us and leading us into all truth as we navigate the month of March. And obviously, we…we pick up right where we left off, which is what we'll do today. And, so, let’s dive ion. We’re reading from the Amplified Bible this week. Leviticus chapter 24 verse 1 through 25 verse 46.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the Gospel of Mark children are approaching Jesus, or parents are bringing children for a blessing from Jesus and the disciples or can like shooing them all away. Like…like…like these kids can't be bothering the master while the master is about the business of revealing God's kingdom. And it's funny because it’s…it's really easy…it's really easy to have that kind of opinion in general. In like the adult world this is what's really going on, this is what has consequence and, you know, childish things, there's nothing to glean from that. We were all children once and we grew out of that. But that's not…that's like not at all Jesus approach. So, then we could say then that that's not at all God's approach. Jesus wanted the kids to come to Him. And my goodness, if we think about it…it…do we not want our children at the feet of Jesus? But are we blocking them by the story of our lives are telling? Like are we too preoccupied in the grown-up world to ignore the fact that we are not just instilling wisdom and training up our children but that there is plenty for us to learn from them if we would pay attention. I think of my son, Ezekiel, who has started to read Daily Audio Bible kids this year. And I was sitting in with him on Daily Audio Bible kids I guess like, I don't know, three weeks ago, four weeks ago, I can't remember, but we passed by this story I believe in the book of Matthew and I was listening to him read the story and just looking at him…and I have had these thoughts before but this was like so stark it was happening in real time, I’m just looking at him realizing, “buddy, you know, way more than I thought you did. You've picked up way more along the way, along the story of your life. You are more intuitive than I…than I knew. Like your simplicity in your purity isn't naïveté, it's…it's not ignorance, it's just simple.” And just having conversations with him since then I realize he has a very simple trusting understanding of God's kingdom and Jesus love for him. And certainly, Jill and I have instilled this. Like, certainly we have of provided this backdrop for him. This is our lives. This is what we believe, and this is what we are teaching our children, this is what we’re trying to live into, but just to understand it's not all lost. He understands a lot and he has connected a lot of dots and I have a lot to learn. I think that may be more true to a posture of what Jesus is talking about today when He says, “to the kingdom of God…the kingdom of heaven belongs to those who are like these little children.” In God's kingdom the faith of a child matters. And if we think about it, we would understand why. We are God's children. And we understand that if we’re like a loving parent, if we’ve been intentional in��in care about our children, they know that; they trust in that; they rest in that; that is solid for them; they trust us and they believe that anything is possible. They believe in God's presence with such a purity and simplicity that there is a lot for us to learn there. So, maybe we should understand that the teaching, the learning is mutual and that we’re not just the disciplinarian to try to pattern a child's life to make our lives easier. Like, our parenting role isn't just to mold our children so that they can stay out of our hair. If we do that then we’re missing the lesson they are teaching, the lesson that we need to know, the lesson that the kingdom of heaven belongs to those who are like children.

Prayer:

Father we come into that. On so many levels it touches us because nobody judges us harder than we judge ourselves usually. Usually, we are more difficult to be with inside of ourselves than anywhere else and that just gets projected out into the world with the different kind of convictions and judgments that we have. But there is a simplicity and purity underneath it all. And we can try to dismantle faith to such a degree that we understand all the component parts, but that's just not gonna work. Faith is beyond our control. And, so, looking at the quiet acceptance, exuberance, excitement of a child greeting the new day, believing that there is a God watching over them…O that sounds…that sounds like how You made us to live. And why we’re not becomes a mystery. Come Holy Spirit and allow us to begin to see what life could look like if we understood that we were Your children and that that is what we need to be and that we can trust You in all things. Come Jesus we pray. In Your precious name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s the website, it’s where you find out what's going on around here. And stay tuned and stay connected. Of course, if you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can access all these things as well.

For example, the Community section of the website or app, that's where the Prayer Wall is. That's where we are continually praying for one another and asking prayer of each other. That’s one of the places that…well…it’s one of the ways in which we love each other, we pray for each other, we shoulder each other's burdens. And, so, being aware of the Prayer Wall is always very important. It’s always there anytime, day or night.

Also, there in the Community section are the different links to different social media channels that we’re on. It's good to follow along and get the announcements anytime that I we need to let you know something or whatever. It's a good idea to be familiar with the different places that were at on social media so check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well or in the app. If the Global Campfire, if…if the mission to bring the spoken word of God read fresh every day and delivered to anyone who will listen to it anywhere on this planet any time of day or night, and to build community around that rhythm, if that…if that matters, has made a difference I thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner for the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit a Hotline button in the app and share from there, no matter where you are on this planet, or there are a number of phone numbers that you can use. In the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to dial. If you're in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number or in Australia or the part of the world 61-3-8820-5459 is the number to call.

And that's it for today. Welcome to a brand-new month. It's gonna be a great ride as we continue our journey forward. That's it for today though. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello Daily Audio Bible this is Duane from Wisconsin all praise and glory to our wonderful Lord and savior Jesus Christ. Today is February 25th I believe. Just calling in. I need prayers. I know I talked to you about my sons Nicholas and Nathan. I was able to send a letter to Nicholas who's in jail and copied some Bible…chapters of the Bible and printed them out and put them in the letter so he could read those. But I'll be sending him more letters. So, prayers for him as he is in jail and pray that he will at some point be able to get a work release so he can get a job and be able to go into work and help support his child. But I'm calling him for Nathan. Last weekend we went to go see him. In a sense he is almost homeless. I'm asking that you would please pray that his mother would take him in, that her husband would have a softened heart and take him in, but more importantly that Nathan who would understand where he's at, be compassionate, have understanding and be taken care of. For a son…like I said he's almost been homeless. It’s been kind of scary because over the last few weeks here it got down to about 20 below and he just manages to find a place to sleep and stay. But…but he's doing OK. So, he went and got him a phone. Unfortunately, he still hasn't given us…sent us the cell number. So, we pray that will happen, but I pray that he's gotten ahold of his mother and that he will be able to stay with his mother and pray that he’ll get a job and start getting his life turned around. Thank you, Daily Audio Bible family. I greatly appreciate it and you have no idea how much love I feel from all of you.

Nobody Gets Left Behind in Colorado just checking in with the DAB family. I just heard Sherry from Texas, your prayer request for your husband. Guys I’ve been married for 29 years and got to say sister that was very very heartbreaking. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I just want you to know that my heart, it goes out to you and my prayers are going to be going out to you and…and your children and your husband. And I hope he hears every single one of our prayer…prayers for him as he goes through this. I also want to thank little Cherry for being transparent, talking about judging people and, you know, when Brian he goes through that every year and talks about the unforgivable sin and it has made a big impact on the way I treat people and the way I think. And I'm so glad that he's made that clear to all of us. And just makes perfect sense. We’re always just supposed to be working on ourselves. We have so many things inside ourselves that we need to work on and that's important. And I know a lot of times like pointing fingers and stuff like that for some reason it makes us feel good inside but it really…it’s not healthy. So, thank you Brian. Thank you for that lesson. Thank you for teaching us that every single year. And thank you for Zekey and him reading the DAB to the kids. My daughter Halo loves it. And with that being said I’d just like to say what Zekey says. Bye.

Hey DAB family it's Doctor John from Jordan New York calling back. And Karen from California thank you so much for your prayer for me. I was a crying just tears. So, thank you so much. I wanted to give you guys an update. I saw the orthopedist yesterday. He was very pleased with the progress. There’s still paralysis of some of the muscles and the nerves but it is improving and improving every day. I was like super thrilled this morning when I could tiny…get the tiniest wiggle out of my pinky fingers. Kind of silly but, yeah, you go with small victories. So, yeah, the…the knucklehead, white as snow, that called in after Karen from California, I totally get what you're saying because, yeah, that was me. I was just moving way too fast. And, so, that was my message. You know, and as I looked back through this and say what is God trying to teach me and it's that I need to slow down. And of course, that leads to the song [singing starts] slow down you move too fast got to make the morning last just kicking down the cobblestones looking for fun and feeling groovy. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh [singing stops]. Apologies to Simon and Garfunkel but Daily Audio Bible I love you so much for all of your prayers and I will keep you posted on my progress. Bye-bye. Doctor John from Jordan.

I just wanted to pray for Sherry and her family in Texas. God we just lift up our sister Sherry and her family and we thank You for them and we thank You for her husband and for his love for Your word and for his desire to share it with others. And we…we thank You for that light that You placed inside of him. And God we just ask that now during this time as he's passing that You would be close to their family, that You would surround them, that You would bring peace and comfort. God we just ask for Your sustaining love to just be their strength in these hours. God, we thank You for Your faithfulness to this family, that You have not left them, that You will not leave them, that You are there with them. We pray for godly Hospice workers, that You would send them their way. We pray for every moment leading up to this passing and that there would be peace, that You would bring breath and life into her God and to her children, that they would feel Your sustaining arms around them. You are near to the broken hearted and we know, we trust that You'll be near to this family. Jesus we just are grateful. We ask that the passion that You had for Your word would just continue down through all his generations and that many would come to know You Jesus through his faithfulness. Thank You, Lord. We just ask that You be glorified in his life and in Sherry's life and the lives of her children. Amen.

Hello, DAB my name is…I'd actually like to remain anonymous…but I'm in Tucson AZ and I am 29 years old and I have three kids and I'm married, and I was just diagnosed with postpartum depression. I have a 3-month-old baby and I'm just asking for your prayers as I go through this. And I'm praying that God would deliver me from this. The doctor gave me some medication and he said my case is severe, but she thinks I caught it in time. But I'm just asking for prayer and help and protection from these intrusive thoughts that I've been having, and I just asked that God would protect me mostly because I fear for myself sometimes. Thank you.

Good morning this is Storylines from San Diego. I've been a listener for just over a year and I'm so grateful for the Hardin and family. My daughter and I listened to Zekey too in the mornings and it’s just such a sweet, sweet time. I just want to pray for Sherry from Texas. I just heard your prayer request about your husband and the brain tumor that was just so sudden and him now being in Hospice. So, I just wanted to pray for you. Lord I thank You so much for Sherry and her husband. And God thank You for their great love story. I heard it in her voice as she spoke about him. And God…I just…my heart breaks for her as a wife and I just ask that You would come, that You would give her everything she needs. Lord thank You for You for her faithfulness just to play the word of God over her husband as he moves into eternity. Lord thank You for his influence over droves of people. God thank You for the love of Your word that he has had in his life and how that doesn't stop, that he has lived out Your word to people and he's been a great influence. And God I pray that as he moves from this life into the next that You would comfort him, that You would use his story for Your kingdom to come here on earth as it is in heaven. I pray for Sherry as she loses the love of her life in this moment in this time, that You would be her ever present help in time of trouble. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

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jlf23tumble · 5 years ago

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Agree so much with your post about the teams and fan engagement ! And love the way you articulated all of that. Although now I definitely am interested in knowing what your notes about the specificity of each team/artist cause I feel like they'd be fascinating to read. Hope you'll post them some day, and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us ! 😊

Awwww, that’s very kind! It’s definitely head canon city, I litcherally have ZERO clue what goes on behind the scenes (and I can’t stress this enough, none of us do), so this’ll look hilariously dated when we find out that blah woof was true all along, lmao (me @ myself, thinking of some random Grimshaw interviews from last fall, oh, bless). Let’s dig in!!

For those of you who just stumbled upon this post, it’s related to the one I made last night about how I think the management teams of all these men (mid-20s means = you’re a man, not a boy) are not, in fact, sabotaging them. They negotiate a lot of tricky interconnected arrangements that none of us are privy, to, plus they’re at least trying to achieve the goals their clients are going for. And they’re doing it—the trick is these goals are highly individual and not 100% sensical (at least given our own view from the afternoon, Arctic Monkeys ref, holllllllah!!!).

In addition, these goals constantly shift, as does the music industry itself—I drive my own self loony when I lurk on blogs that are seemingly broadcasting from 2012, confused by why xx’s team is so “terrible” because they aren’t throwing good money after bad to get on a radio playlist, or why they haven’t announced yy “properly,” as if they’re being paid to worry about this level of shit (which fires me up on about five levels, deep breaths in, deep breaths out). I’m much nosier about the signals we’re getting when we hear them talk in their beautifully media-trained way about their musical interests, when we get some of that sweet, sweet fan service with a Gallagher or a Capaldi, when we get that heads up about who’s attending what concert, stuff like that. These signals don’t necessarily indicate future collaborations, but they DO indicate what kind of image these guys want to have, the kind of music they want the public to associate them with.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself…their personalities and goals at the moment are all so vastly different, and I truly do love seeing how their teams are workin’ it accordingly. Again, please @ god, don’t @ me…opinions, massively unpopular opinions, dead ahead!

* Zayn. My read on Zayn is that he enjoys the creative process, loves writing and singing, digs collabing with people, but he doesn’t seem to give two shits about the biz side (and why should he? that’s called living the dream at this particular point in his career). His website recently added “tour,” which EYEBALL EYEBALL, but he doesn’t seem to be all that interested in putting himself back out on stage or into radio/print/etc. anytime soon, and again, why should he? His numbers are HUGE without pushing himself through the anxiety-provoking churn he endured for four years, so there’s no real drive for him to do any promo if he doesn’t want to (see: the netflix-like binge dump of Icarus Falls, which could be “sabotage,” or it could just be, “fineeeeeeee, here’s some stuff for you, enjoy”). What other artist gifts his fans with gorgeous covers of such a wide variety of songs that indicate he’s more interested in sharing them than selling them. Accordingly, his fan interactions seem fairly pure and not all that promo-y: he has a keen interest in fanart, he’s done some fan pop-ups/listening parties that are pretty low-key and *seemingly* fan-focused, and recently (with zero anything to really promote), he’s been posing for cute pics and chatting with randos on the streets of NYC. I recently read that his mgmt team is no longer with him, but that sort of folds into my feeling that he’s not pursuing anything biz-wise, hence no need to jump through those particular hoops (I think he’s also struggled with a lot of demons, so yeah, why add one more). Could he be adrift? Maybe, but the next guy is the posterman for lack of focus….

* Liam. Honestly, I worry about Liam most of all. His post-1D career seems very much adrift, and I like to joke that he’s giving me that tell-all about the D one sentence at a time, but goddamn, are people listening? The struggles with alcohol, the lack of focus on every level, the reliance on his dad’s career advice (which more clearly reflects his dad’s financial class, background, and history than it does Liam’s), and the overall confusion about look, sound, and direction also flow back directly into his team. I get the feeling that they aren’t sure what to do because LIAM isn’t sure what to do or what he wants, so they follow in his wake. He’s agreeable to a fault, so seeing him at a meet-and-greet at an HMV in Birmingham last week felt like a step back into 2010 for no real reason, just like hearing that he was more or less coerced into full nude photoshoots for an underwear ad (the decisions to say yes to both of those—who’s steering this ship? If it’s Liam, he needs to tell the team his overall goal, so they can plot a course he and his fans can follow; if it’s the team, ditto). Like Niall, Liam’s actually pretty good at the SM game: lots of selfies, snapchat filters, outfits, gym service, twitter interactions. But generally speaking, his promo is confusing, and that’s probably because there isn’t much *to* promote at this point, other than a mix of collabs, clothing endorsements, spon con, horse farms, and an album that’s always on the horizon. This might be tied to the general post-1D jolt they all went through, like a plane coming off autopilot and into the hands of someone who’s just learning how to fly it. Zayn debuted at number one, so his bump wasn’t as harsh, but the others are slowly, steadily finding their footing after taking some time to find themselves and their sound, releasing songs/albums, performing (or in Louis’s case, going through unspeakable tragedy). Liam’s still adrift…and somewhat admittedly, which is kind of telling in its own way. Just know that my nervousness on his behalf ratchets up every time he feels the urge to assure us all that he’s happy.

* Niall. Truly the one following the original 1D template, right down to working with most of the same people but with more of the overall control in his hands instead of a faceless management squad. Of any of them, he seems the most ambitious, the most scientific about the sound he’s after and how he’s gonna get there. His promo is a mix of new and traditional—radio shows, talk shows, podcasts, special events, twitter interactions with fans, twitter interactions with entertaining celebrities—and it’s all hustle hustle hustle, build build build, as if he were a new ingenue instead of coming up hard on solo album number two. He’s explicit in his goals, which is refreshing, but it means he walks a weird line with fans: on one hand, he’s done with their bullshit, get ready to get rekt if you start commenting on his boring food seasoning or home décor. But on the other hand, he fully recognizes how much he needs them, which is why we get so many peeks into his “normal” life (yet zero percent of his actual personal life). It’s also probably why the blatant tweets of the last two days seem so jarring to me (I might be alone on this one, but I’m not a fan of directives in general, and asking me to call radio stations on behalf of a rich white man to become even richer just rubs me the wrong way, same with asking me to stream stuff to get you to number one…you’ve been there, buddy, how about you calm down and build some character at number 51). And speaking of calming down, it does fascinate me that both Niall and Louis namecheck Taylor Swift as someone who gets the whole fandom push/pull thing right, so watching them try to reverse-engineer her secrets is fun. Louis nails it (that hotspot treasure hunt: chef’s kiss), but Niall’s heavy-handed easter egg dump in NTMY, she would never!! I think Niall’s team needs to watch “Calm Down” about five more times before they try that again.

* Louis. I think Louis honestly has an AMAZING team in place, and they’re all clearly on his side, which makes for a refreshing change. Like Niall, he has publicly praised Taylor Swift for how she engages with her fans, but I think he’s missing a key point: she doesn’t let her fans dictate strategy, and I HOPE that’s the case for Louis, too. His old team *was* shit, so yeah, encouraging people to do fan projects to get the word out was a good idea, but turning that spigot off to let a good (paid) team step in and take over has been, uh, challenging. He’s dealt with more than his fair share of personal tragedy, but every time he gets some momentum going, it feels like something bts pushes him back off track, and he tends to keep it private, which only makes his hardest-core fans scream “sabotage.” Rightly so, he’s focusing on his personal life, and rightly so, his team is giving him the space to do that, even when it costs cash money and throws a lot of shit seriously for a loop. It makes my heart soar to see the potential of what his team can do/is doing, how much space he’s being allowed to process what he needs to process. Weirdly, that’s an unpopular opinion, and a lot of people want to indulge in an angst wank fest where Louis’s the victim of a terrible team that won’t DO anything (nevermind the fact that he’s probably ASKED them not to do anything), so they undertake a tremendous amount of performative unpaid labor that ends up being counterproductive on just about every front. Even worse, most of them can’t seem to process the fact that losing your mum is a blow, losing your SISTER is a blow, juggling other siblings or close friends handling some serious demons of their own in the aftermath of all of *that* is a blow, let alone handling your own personal coping mechanisms, nope, they want Louis to release release release, perform perform perform, c’mon, what’s holding him back, he *said* he wanted to release an album this year, there’s “no reason” for a delay, gotta be his shitty team, free him. It drives me ‘round the bend because it’s the same talk from late last year, you know, when we later found out that at least one family member was losing a fight with drug addiction. Louis’s fan engagement/promo is therefore hella fraught: he has to balance LouisTM on twitter (Mr. Donny, he’s hard, mate), his werk IG posts, and his constant edging because nobody can remember or trust that he’s got this, that multiple things are in play. But he also knows his fanbase, knows that it’s resistant to any kind of change, so I hope he pushes through and stays true to what he wants to do. I was really encouraged with his last promo round because he seems to have narrowed in on a something solid, he’s got a plan, and it’s not, “hey mr dj, put my record on,” it’s getting his fans to trust that he and his team know what the fuck they’re doing, and spoiler alert, it ain’t radio, but go ahead and keep pissing off djs by sending angry tweets their way. (Related: why is it so bad to avoid the radio when all of us admit that radio music is garbage? Is it because it’s more about you than him? Much to think about.)

* Harry. My very favorite head canon is that Harry is Jeff’s nightmare client: what was perfection at first because the Azoffs are old-school promo all the way (no SM, baby, gimme that sweet, sweet paper), and that dovetailed nicely with post-1D Harry, but it quickly veered into mulish teeth pulling. Low profile can quickly spin into no profile, and that really doesn’t work too well when you’re trying to sell sell sell, even if your brand is Harry StylesTM. HS1 and Dunkirk in their own separate ways worked VERY hard to push past the still-persistent way the general public views Harry as boybander Harry Styles, or more accurately, former boybander Harry Styles who dated Taylor Swift (if you venture out and ask someone who’s not a fan), but what I love about Harry is that much like Zayn, he doesn’t seem to be too bothered by all that. Sure, he’s ambitious, he wants to challenge himself and do things, but he’s no Niall Horan. He’s put in his time! If he gets a number one, then cool, but he’s not gonna chase it. And this is where Harry’s team really reflects his goals and energy: sure, they want him to do some promo (that “Do” tweet, the entire bit about the fan in Australia and Harry Lambert’s follow, goddddd, I loved it, petty Harry, resigned Jeff), but they clearly aren’t forcing him. He drops a song that makes a HUGE splash, and the follow-up is…liking some tweets and going to a John Mayer concert (not a John Mayer fan, so that wouldn’t be my first choice, but I respond to the zero fucks given about the whole thing). The music industry has changed a LOT in just two years, so it’s kind of cool to see team Harry pivoting a bit, seeing more SM interaction, the kindness generator, etc., but that said, the team takes their cues from him, and he clearly doesn’t want to do a whole promo circuit beyond persons a, b, and c, and magazine R, F, and A. Does it make sense to have Rob Sheffield write a profile about Stevie Nicks-blessed shroom-eater Harry Styles when his new song sounds like the Zarry combo of my dreams? NOPE, but that’s okay, Harry wanted to talk to Rob, so that’s what happened. The new song is more streaming friendly, and thank CHRIST, a lot less crusty white dude stuck in the ‘70s, so I can only hope that the rest of the album is thus, but we shall see! We’ll also see if Harry’s fan engagement shifts any further into the active zone…so far, it’s been “I’m gonna follow some larries, like these fun generator posts, check out a few dads” and staged photo ops with the same familiar faces, but I think he’s dealing with his own major bts issues as well (album delayed at least twice; that entire stalking situation). I still contend the album’s coming in the next few weeks, so it’ll be interesting to see if/how any additional promo rolls out in this new world order post-gryles landscape, how many interviews he’ll do, but I like that there’s a strategy that seems less stodgy…kudos to the new SM team, at least!!

Oh man, that got really long! Hope you enjoyed, and YES, opinions opinions opinions, and they’ll be stupid in about three weeks’ time, thanks for coming to my already dated buzzfeed article

#so many long-winded opinions #one direction #yeah #and shout out to kim for always checking my work!!!

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putabourqueinit · 5 years ago

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L.A. Daze

Memory Lane

I recently ran for State House Representative for Louisiana. I made the decision then I worked really hard on a campaign for 6 months. I hired a social media person and we began branding Leslie Bourque. It was surreal. We created a website and my Facebook page. It has been a few weeks now since the election results, which I did not win. Since that day I haven’t revisited my website or FB page. Not because it pains me I lost, but because for 6 months I learned as much as I could about my city and state. I felt important and since it is over I sorta feel a void. I will eventually look back at that special time in my life.

I recently took down my box of old pictures. It was my mom’s 70th birthday and my brother wanted to make a video for her. I saw some binders that I haven’t opened in years. Memories from what seems like a lifetime ago, my Los Angeles days. A stack of headshots from when I pursued acting and modeling. I don’t know why I haven’t looked at them in so long, but I decided to grab a glass of wine and take a stroll down memory lane.

Before I did so, I remembered the picture below. I feverishly looked for it. It is of me in 1997 in my cherry red Nissan 240X. The day I bravely drove across the country on I-10. Stopping only once in El Paso to sleep for the night. I think I had my mom’s car phone bag and a bunch of CD’s. It took me 2 days but I clearly remember driving into Los Angeles and then to my the apartment I sublet for 4 months from a stranger. I parked on Detroit Ave and retrieved the key from my new neighbor. It was an old dingy building, but the studio apartment was perfect for me. As I entered the key into the keyhole, I knew my life was changed forever. I opened the door and just took it all in. Me by myself a million miles from home. The apartment was full of her things. It was sorta a hippie/hollywood decor. I sat on her furniture and looked at her pots I would be cooking on. I saw all of her clothes hanging with empty hangers for mine. I laid in another persons bed and I closed my eyes hoping for the best.

Headshot

Luckily I had a job waiting for me when I got to Los Angeles. I worked as a production assistant on a movie called “Wild Things” starring Kevin Bacon, Matt Dillon, Chevy Chase, Denis Richards and Neve Campbell. We shot on the Sony Lot in Culver City. It was epic to drive into this lot where so many important films were made. My boss was named Taylor. She was a hard one to read, but nice enough. I was diligent and I was quiet. It all seemed grander than life to me. One day while I was passing out papers to executives offices I entered the President of Mandalay Pictures. I had seen him before in meetings where I was basically the gopher. I walked into his office and he asked me to close the door and sit down. He said “Here is your chance. Give me a 5 minute rundown of who you are and what to you want to do?”

I moved to Los Angeles with expectations to learn acting. I didn’t know if I could be an actress, but I wanted to try. The day I pulled into California I had never taken an acting class. When this man asked me to tell him about me and what I wanted to do, I almost fainted. I didn’t have the verbiage at the time to know what to say. I mean I literally just got off of the boat from Lafayette, Louisiana!! I ended up telling him how I got to Los Angeles. I sheepishly said I wanted to be an actress. He told me I had a look and I should take some classes and then find him again and he would help me. I took a thousand classes and never found him again.

The first thing you are told to do is to get a good headshot. I have no idea how I found my first photographer, David LaPorte. Basically you interview them and try to find the right fit for you. It becomes an intimate process and you unveil your soul a bit. He made me feel the least nervous. I have always been photogenic, but a headshot is a whole other level. Basically, it is your calling card for casting directors to pick you out of millions to call in for an audition. You must convey with your eyes how you will tell a story. I spent hours with David and at the end I finally got the hang of it. He was patient and I was grateful.

Identity Change

The last name I was bestowed was always a bit tricky for me. I don’t want to say I didn’t like it, but I didn’t appreciate it. You can imagine some of the jokes I got “pork a Bourque” etc. When I got to L.A. people couldn’t pronounce it. They would fancy it up in a very shi shi French way. They couldn’t spell it. I always loved my middle name for some reason. I love that I had an accent. I decided to drop my last name.

The next two pictures are with a famous photographer, Randall Slavin. I remember going to his house and we shot in the garage. He was so cool. Like “too cool for school” cool. He was the hot headshot guy and working his way to bigger, better things. If you look close in my eyeballs you can see his reflection. I felt more comfortable, but still intimidated.

I got a commercial agent. Representation. I had a pager and was on call. If they called I had to run. I was in the best acting class. The one that was hard to get into. I was doing it. I didn’t know how to do it, but I was navigating the unknown. I felt liberated and I felt like I had a path to success.

Finding my groove

I was working. I was actually making money. I started doing print work and commercials. I landed my very first national commercial-Miller High Life. I had confidence. I had a commercial agent and a talent agent. I had now gone through so many acting classes. I stayed up late studying my craft. I felt I made it, even though I hadn’t made it exactly. I went back to my first photographer, David. I had sass now and I had a sense of who I was. He noticed. It was a totally different shoot than the first time.

Edging it up

Another photographer. This time a woman. She wanted me to get rid of the cute and find my sexy. I knew the camera at this point. I knew it liked me. I remember creating stories in my mind and really playing a character.

I decided I didn’t hate my last name anymore.

I was auditioning a lot. I was in a play. I was spending a lot of money on classes. I was making a lot of money as a fitness/pilates trainer. I was losing the excitement of the pursuit. I loved studying the craft, but the hustle was getting to me.

The End

A friend of mine was now taking head shots. We traded her taking pictures of me for me training her in pilates. We had a lot of fun during the shoot. I had no idea this would be the last set of head shots I would take.

I decided after years of pursuing acting I would stop the chase. I didn’t love it anymore and I found something else that turned me on. Writing. I was urged to start writing by a few influential people. I started taking a writing class. I was terrified I would fail. I ended up meeting Dylan and I stopped taking the class.

I became Dylan’s girl and Amélie and Hud’s mom.

My latest headshot was on a huge sign and were placed all around my district. It was mind boggling to think how far I have come.

My new headshot is just me. It is me and all my flaws. 47 years and I see it all on my face. I am ready to embrace my latest headshot. I wonder where it will take me.

#headshots acting pursuing Pictures modeling journey

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wintersongstress · 6 years ago

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You Haven’t Done This Tag Before, I Promise.

I was tagged by @a-shakespearean-in-paris to do the 11 Questions Tag! Sorry this took me awhile, I didn’t mean for this to get so long, although to be fair you brought up a mythology question so you kind of asked for this.

Rules: Answer 11 questions, make up your own 11 questions, and then tag 11 people to answer those.

1. Favorite supernatural creature?

I had to visit some weird ass websites to find an extensive list of these. I’m gonna have to go with the phoenix. I had a lot of beautiful illustrated storybooks of the tale of the firebird when I was growing up.

2. Favorite Folktale/myth?

*does the birdman hand rub* Mythology is my shit. It’s so rich in culture and ripe with inspiring story ideas. I could talk about it all day, but what I can really talk about is the curse of the Koh-i-Noor diamond.

Mysterious in origin and Ancient Persian for “mountain of light”, it’s one of the largest diamonds in the world and its journey throughout history is full of misfortune and violence.

There is a story in Vedas of the Syamantaka jewel, a gift from the Hindu sun-god Surya to his most devout follower, King Satrājit, as a blessing to his kingdom. It was a divine jewel, said to have magical powers and possessing a luminous glow, for it came from the heart of a fallen star.

Surya warned Satrājit that while the jewel would produce 170 pounds of gold a day(around 3 million USD) and ward off famine and disease, he wasn’t to keep the jewel and all of its wealth and prosperity for himself. It would only reverse the effects and bring him bad luck if he did not share it. He did not heed this advice. Satrājit fashioned the diamond into a necklace and one day, his brother stole it for himself when the King refused to share. While Prasena was hunting and stalking his prey of a lion from a tree, a snake fell from the branch above and Prasena fell. The chain caught him on the branch and strangled him to death, and the lion saw the gleam of the jewel and was ensorcelled. The lion brought the jewel back to his den, only for the King of the Bears to battle him for the stone. Its hard to pinpoint where the Syamantaka jewel enters historical record and becomes known as the Koh-i-Noor but from then on, it gets passed down throughout the Mughal Empire. Shah Jahan sets it in the Peacock Throne and is later imprisoned by his sons and usurped, and then the Persians invade and steal it. The Persian invader Nadir Shah is assassinated later in his life, and from there on the diamond falls through many hands and brings misfortune to all who keep it. What I find most interesting is how in the Vedas it is written “He who owns the Diamond will own the world, but will also know all its misfortunes. Only God, or a woman, can wear it with impunity."

The Koh-i-Noor is currently part of the British Crown Jewels and rests in the Queen Mother’s Crown. Isn’t it interesting how only the Queen of England can wear it? Because all the men who possess it get some serious bad luck??? I’m sorry, didn’t mean to turn into a nerd but I think it’s cool.

3. Favorite thing to wear?

On the opposite end of the spectrum of my sweatpants and lunar phase knee socks, in the summertime I love wearing long skirts with a shawl draped around my shoulders.

4. What’s a piece of media (book, movie, game, etc.) that has had the greatest impact on you as a person?

Patricia A. McKillip’s books made me fall in love with the fantasy genre and hold a special place in my heart. Her stories kindled my love of reading and storytelling in the beginning. I first picked them up because her covers are gorgeously illustrated by Kinuko Y. Craft and they’re so detailed that every time I look at them I see something I never noticed before.

5. Favorite thing about yourself? Physical and Non physical.

Ehhh. You know, I think I’m very plain-looking. I suppose I like my eyes because they have some of green in them. Non-physically, I like my investigative personality.

6. Favorite Disney movie?

7. What does your dream apartment/house look like?

Encompassed by bookshelves so tall I need a rolling ladder, filled with encyclopedias, spider plants, corals and crystals and terrariums. Turkish lanterns hang down from the ceiling and Audubon prints of cormorants decorate the wall, as well as an old map pinned with all the places I want to travel. An enormous Persian rug covers the wood floor and is strewn with lounging pillows. A low coffee table rests in the center and holds a platter of fuzzy peaches and vase stuffed with white peacock feathers. The latticed windows are open to a mountain view, and the silvery notes of trickling wind-chimes drift inside with the breeze. A porcelain cup of tea steams in my sweater-paw hands as I sit on the sill and watch the sun rise. Trumpet vines swallow the balcony and offer their nectar to the hummingbirds. And all the while a black cat purrs beside me with its eyes closed. Yeah.

8. What are your thoughts on marriage?

Well, that fantasy involves a person who doesn’t exist in my life...but I would like to get married someday. I’m just not that person yet and I’m far from it.

9. Describe what makes a good ship to you.

Conflict, dichotomy, and dualism. One person falls in love way before the other. Changing their natures, Person A thinking Person B is too good for them when their good for each other. Enemies to lovers on opposites sides of a war.

10. What does home feel like to you?

Home is the warmth of my bed at night, listening to the train horns in the distance and watching the familiar shadows of trees on my walls. Its a place with a crab-apple tree and a swing. A rose garden.

The truest moments when I feel it is when I listen to my sister practice piano, when I lick the icing off my birthday candles after blowing them out, when I put my favorite ornaments on the christmas tree. Its having dirty feet and watermelon juice drip down my hand in the summertime, and having a lot of blankets and cats and tea in the winter. Home is my siblings and memories of good times.

Home feels like a place that’s part of who I am and is safe to be.

11. Your favorite thing to eat?

I can’t tell you how happy häagen-dazs green tea ice cream makes me. Also, wood-fired pizza. OOf and aloo gobi masala curry hits the spot, too.

Doing this tag is up to you and totally optional!! And you don’t have to tag 11 people. I’ll be tagging: @marvelousmorales // @connorshero // @shadows-echoes // @the-darklings // @deviantramblings // @anniesburg // @cirillasfiona // @dicax-asina // @miusmius-@selfships-in-spanish // @0ik4wa // @flawinthemachine

Questions to answer:

What is one of your favorite memories?

What is the dumbest thing you have ever heard someone say?

What was the first movie you ever saw in theaters?

Tell a story about the biggest spider you have ever encountered.

What color is your bedspread?

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Would you rather go to an art, history, or science museum?

What’s one thing on your bucket list?

What is on your bedside table?

What is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

Have you ever broken a bone?

EDIT: I’M A DUMBASS WHO FORGOT THE 11TH QUESTION. MY B.

#tag game #tag meme #i hope these questions don't suck

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moonbeambucky · 6 years ago

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The Price of Gold (Part 1)

Pairing: Lance Tucker x Reader Word Count: 2211 Warnings: sports talk, brief mention of real life gymnastics sex abuse scandal

Summary: As a sports journalist you’ve traveled the world interviewing famous athletes. You’ve loved your job up until you find out your next article is on the last person in the world you ever wanted to talk to, Lance Tucker.

A/N: This is my submission for @green-eyeddragonfanfiction Dragon’s 3k Follower Creative Content Challenge. Congrats!! My prompt was “I can’t be in love with you!” gif source (x)

THE PRICE OF GOLD MASTERLIST

Your eyes blinked a few times to disrupt the strain of staring at a computer screen for far too long. You had almost rubbed them with your fingers but thankfully remembered you were wearing makeup and looking like a raccoon is not something you wanted to do, especially not at work.

You were in the homestretch of making edits to your article In Depth, a monthly feature you were proud to be writing for over the last year. You had come a long way, writing for your high school’s newspaper to today working for ESPN in New York. Your determination to work in sports journalism led you to leave your home of sunny Florida for the bitter cold of Illinois for college. At Northwestern you honed your skills, covering the various athletic games of your school for their website which ultimately led to an internship at the Northwest Herald. After being hired you spent years working up the ranks until you were offered your position with ESPN. Life was good.

Stretching your arms out you yawned deeply, reaching for your nearly empty mug of coffee, but you were relieved to know that you finished ahead of schedule and sent it for review. The publishing date for your Cristiano Ronaldo article had moved up significantly since he became the first player to score 100 goals in the UEFA Champions League.

After a long needed stretch you walked to the office kitchen, pouring a fresh cup of coffee before returning to your desk. Sipping on the warm brew you checked emails, a smile stretching across your face as you replied to Neymar’s agent who was securing dates for your interview with the popular footballer; a trip to Paris on the company’s dime to do so is an added bonus.

This is what made the difference in your writing, the reason why your articles were so popular. You didn’t just interview the athlete, you spent time with them, observing the person they truly were outside of the court, field or wherever they had to be “on”, yet you had a natural way of relaxing them, allowing the person behind the athlete to shine through.

The ringing phone is a welcomed interruption from the computer screen. Alyssa, your editor’s assistant, is calling to ask you to come upstairs. Normally being called into your boss’s office would be panic inducing but you quickly learned that was just how Susan Treston was; she wanted to bring the best out in everyone and would often call people in to brainstorm ideas or give them praise.

The elevator doors opened and you made small talk with Alyssa before she ushered you inside the large office with floor to ceiling windows and a beautiful views of Central Park that always knocked you off your feet. Taking a seat in front of the desk you rubbed the chill off of your arms from the cool air conditioning. Glancing around you looked at Sue’s photos with different athletes, chuckling at the height difference of her and Shaquille O'Neal.

Susan walked in briskly, harshly clearing her throat from a gulp of coffee as she greeted you and sat down.

“Ahh Y/N. I just skimmed over the Ronaldo piece. Great stuff!”

“Thanks Sue,” you replied, beaming a smile of pride at her comment. “You’ll get the Brady article by tomorrow,” you said with confidence, knowing you were almost through with it, along with a few more that were close to finishing. Sue smiled back, appreciating all of the dedication you had to your work. “Oh and I think I’ll be packing my bags soon!” you nearly sang, excited at the prospect of going to France.

“Yes that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You’re from Spring Hill, right?” she asked.

Your head tilted in slight confusion, wondering what your small Floridian hometown had to do with Neymar. “Um yeah,” you hesitantly replied, trying to hide the concern in your voice.

“Do you know Lance Tucker?”

Her question halts time, like a car that stopped short by slamming on the brakes, feeling as if your body bounced back against the seat in slow motion. Your heart began to beat a rapid rhythm as queasiness washed over you. Suddenly Sue’s office feels hot, unbearably humid much like the weather you grew up with. Beads of sweat begin to pool around your hairline and your jaw is so tense you feel as if your teeth will shatter. Your heels dig into the carpet as you mull over her question.

Who doesn’t know Lance Tucker? The gold and silver gymnastics medalist whose cocky face was plastered all over Wheaties boxes and magazines alike after his wins, and again in recent times after the controversies surrounding him. But you know what she’s asking, do you know him.

Lance grew up in Spring Hill too and despite wishing otherwise you knew him. At four years old your family moved across the street from him and you became fast friends. You hadn’t seen him since you were in high school and he was focused on training for the Olympics. You hadn’t spoken since though a small part of you wished the reason was because of the intense training or his newfound celebrity status after winning but no, your friendship ended before that.

Swallowing the lump in your throat you finally replied, “Yeah, of course I know him, he’s famous ‘specially for a small town but, uh, I don’t know him,” you lied.

“You went to Springstead High School, like him?” she questioned though it felt more like an interrogation.

Forcing a relaxed expression to help mask your lies you smiled before answering, “Yeah but I don’t think we were in the same grade. I might have seen him in the halls but I don’t really remember, it was so long ago, you know?”

Sue shrugged, seemingly accepting your answer. “Either way, I want you on this one.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Your next In Depth, with Lance Tucker.”

No. This can’t be happening. You repeat that over and over again as you find yourself stuck in a nightmare. Your trip to Paris has been rerouted to Hell, and truth be told you would rather interview the devil because at least you know his character unlike… You shudder at the thought of that man.

You began to explain and pathetically beg to her about how much work you’ve put in to making arrangements for the Neymar interview, even telling her about your latest inside tip on how he might be traded. “I can bang out a great story. We’ll be breaking major news Sue!” you tried desperately to sell your idea to her but she shook her head.

“I’ll have Josh break Neymar, I need you on this one.”

“Why?” you attempted to hide the anguish in your question. “Why me?” you practically whined.

“Tucker is opening a gymnastics facility in Spring Hill.”

Your head tilted in confusion. Lance had quickly abandoned his hometown after winning, moving to Los Angeles to continue his career and his “brand.” He endorsed everything from sneakers to chapstick, living it up in a cliffside mansion with a rotation of beautiful women before he eventually became a coach for USA Gymnastics Women’s Team until the scandals hit.

There was a sexual harassment claim and a former student accused him of fathering her child. He was cleared of all accusations and the paternity test backed that up but in light of the allegations against USAG’s team doctor Larry Nassar, Lance was dropped by the Olympics Committee, stating they wanted to bring in fresh talent when in reality they wanted to distance themselves from anyone with negative press attached to them.

Lance had stepped away from the spotlight over the last year, something that surprised you greatly considering that once Lance had the taste of fame he soaked it up like a sponge. He resurfaced briefly a few months ago when it was reported he was making an appeal against the committee's decision, requesting to be reinstated.

“Sue, I think I’m the wrong person for this. Heather has covered more gymnastics and I think she could…”

“You’re wrong Y/N,” she stopped you mid-sentence. “With the scandals behind him Tucker could still make it in L.A., I want to know the real reason he chose Spring Hill and you’re the best person to get that from him.”

You nod, pressing your lips together, feeling the uncomfortable tension that hung in the air. Your hometown connection is her ticket to getting the story and there was nothing you could do about it. You left her office with a forced smile, resting your forehead against the cool walls of the elevator as you rode it down to your floor.

Alyssa would be sending you Lance’s contact information. You have two months until print, knowing if any major news in his case broke sooner so too would your story. As the doors opened you wondered if you should press the button for Sue’s floor again, confess the truth about your connection with Lance and why you couldn’t do this article. Then again, maybe it would work against you. You prided yourself on your objective journalism, something rare in the media field today.

Your last words to Lance echoed in your head, “I never want to see you again!” You remember the conviction you felt, the fire in your veins, the anger that boiled your blood all masking the sorrow that burned beneath the surface.

“Hey, d’you wanna go to the Knicks game tonight? Chris bailed on me,” the cheery voice of your coworker Heather asked.

Exhaling a sigh you replied, “Wish I could but I have to get started on my next In Depth”. Your response prompted her to ask who the article would be on and swallowing harshly you said his name for the first time in years, “L-Lance Tucker.”

Heather’s eyes widened, her mouth dropped open in surprise growing into the largest smile you’ve ever seen on a human being. “Holy fuck Y/N! Are you shitting me?” she nearly shouted over the quiet office causing a few people to glare in your direction. “I’m so jealous of you right now!”

“You really shouldn’t be,” you grumbled.

“Are you kidding? He’s hot as fuck and you’ll be spending so much time with him. Remember when Twitter thought you were hooking up with Steph Curry?”

You laughed uncomfortably, “Um yeah that was not cool,” remembering how many times you apologized to his wife Ayesha on behalf of the internet and thankfully she understood. “I don’t want anything to do with Lance Tucker!”

“Why not?” Heather nearly scoffed, the typical reaction one might have considering they didn’t know him like you did.

Your emotions where starting to get the best of you, all this talk of Lance making it feel like the walls were closing in. “I… I just don’t like him... or gymnastics okay?!”

“Pffft, well that’s a lie,” she laughed. “We covered Rio together, we went crazy over Simone Biles’ wins!”

“Everyone knows women’s gymnastics are different,” you chuckled. “The truth is,” the truth in part at least you thought, “I’m giving up a huge article with Neymar for this. I even asked Sue if you could have this but no, she wants me ‘cause of the ‘hometown connection’”, you quoted with your fingers.

She gasped, turning a few more heads as she shouted, “You’re from his hometown?!”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t know him,” you firmly lied again.

As Heather rambled on about her crush on Lance Tucker your thoughts drifted you away like a cloud, one that was dark and heavy, ready to burst and rain down on the world below. Your history with Lance was in the past and if it wasn’t for this stupid assignment that’s where it would have stayed.

Heather left you to continue working and you stared at Alyssa’s email with Lance’s contact information for a solid five minutes before composing your own email.

It was past five and you had rewritten what you wanted to say at least fifty times, reviewing it now for the tenth time. You cringed while reading it; the email laced with lies and buffed up language to play to his ego.

Dear Mr. Tucker,

My name is Y/N Y/L/N and I’m a journalist at ESPN. I would be very interested in featuring you and your incredible athletic accomplishments for my feature “In Depth”. I would love to discuss your Olympic wins, the opening of your upcoming training center and of course get a firsthand account of the unjust actions taken against you by the US Olympics Committee. I would be honored to hear from you so we can arrange to meet in person.

Best,

Y/N

The mouse hovered over the send button and with a quick click it was gone. You felt queasy, knowing he was going to get that email. Maybe he wouldn’t recognize your name, you couldn’t be the only Y/N Y/L/N in the world. Yet a link to your biography on ESPN’s website was part of your email signature. If he didn’t recognize your name he would definitely recognize your photo. Even a pompous, cocky asshole like Lance Tucker could never forget his first love.

PART 2

#dragon’s3k3c #lance tucker x reader #lance tucker fanfiction #lance tucker x you #lance tucker fanfic

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altonjdorado-blog · 6 years ago

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The Law of Attraction - The seven Biggest Myths Debunked

The Law of Attraction has gotten a good deal of media interest in the recent past. Because of the film The Secret as well as the consequent explosion of tv, print media as well as web coverage, almost every person in Western society has read the expression "Law of Attraction". Most people, nonetheless, have picked up incomplete information and snippets here and there and do not really have a great understanding of the way the law works.

This has resulted in a widespread misunderstanding of the way the Law of Attraction actually works, or even whether or not it actually works at all. A large amount of people are feeling a deep resonance when they're told they produce the own reality of theirs. They identify a truth in this particular notion. Nevertheless, they usually swiftly become frustrated when they are exposed to incomplete info and myths, and cannot appear to be successful. They "know" that there is something to this, they could feel it; though they just do not understand how to use it just yet.

This article seeks to debunk the 7 major misconceptions presently circulating about the Law of Attraction and bring some clarity to the topic.

Myth #1: The Law of Attraction is magic

The Myth: "Law of Attraction supporters will let you know that all you've to accomplish is think positively as well as the material you need will simply come to you. Naturally this's wrong, after things as cash, automobiles and houses do not only show up out of thin air."

The Myth Debunked: Nobody with a genuine comprehension of the Law of Attraction has previously said that in case you simply assume a good consideration, a home with a thousand bucks over the kitchen table along with a Ferrari in the entrance will simply drop from the skies right before you. This's often a quote utilized by individuals attempting to say that the Law of Attraction is a fraud. But the quote is not correct. Which is not the way the Law of Attraction operates at all.

The Law of Attraction does not only literally drop stuff in the lap of yours. It brings you gatherings with only the right folks at the proper time, coincidences and brilliant ideas. It is the duty of yours to pay attention to those suggestions, adhere to your hunches and understand the coincidences.

For instance, you would love to reveal a house. The Law of Attraction provides you with an insight to push through a particular neighborhood you do not usually drive through. You see a home with a For Sale sign in the backyard. The house appears perfect, except you are pretty sure it is entirely out of the budget range of yours. You decide to end as well as knock on the doorstep anyway. It seems the owners are a beautiful few that are going to Australia in a month. You and they actually hit it off and they also choose to offer you lease to own terms you are able to pay for. They really want you to lead there. Thus, you find the best home at a cost you are in a position to pay, under circumstances which you never could've expected. Did it drop directly into your lap? Well, not basically, absolutely no. But in case you paid interest and followed the insights as well as impulses the Universe was driving for you, it could've seemed virtually as simple as in case it'd. This's the way the Law of Attraction takes you items. It finds whatever you are searching for that's also searching for yourself and also brings you together through many events that are perfect, hunches and insights.

Myth #2 - All you've to accomplish is visualize

The Myth: "The Law of Attraction is simply about visualization. That is the reason they tell you to produce the like and vision boards. You are meant to stare at the items you would like and they'll simply arrive at you (see Myth #1)"

The Myth Debunked: This one is partly correct. Visualization could be a valuable tool you consume training yourself to produce what you would like. It is not the visualization that produces, however. You produce through the vibration that you simply provide. The vibration you provide is driven by the views you habitually assume (beliefs). Visualization is able to enable you to retrain the ideas of yours, but there is more to it than that. In case you imagine a gorgeous automobile, but possess the perception that you will never get an automobile that way, you are able to imagine each day, every morning, which car's not likely to show up. How can you know in case you harbor a contradictory belief? You are able to tell by the way in which you feel when you imagine. In case it feels really, great to imagine the automobile, and entire visualization is positive, you are performing well. In case, nonetheless, it seems a little off and your visualization requires somewhat of a bad turn, you have only uncovered several negative opinions.

For instance, you ask exactly how you will afford the payments, that would point to a perception that states "I cannot afford a brand new car"; or maybe you may hope your children do not mess up the gorgeous brand new seats, that may point to a belief that you simply cannot have things that are good and often get wrecked, so, exactly why bother anyway... Visualization is an invaluable tool in manifestation, though it is not the development process itself.

Myth #3 - The Law of Attraction is new

The Myth: "If the Law of Attraction is truly a law, exactly why has not anyone found it before? This's only some new fad."

The Myth Debunked: The Law of Attraction is not new. It has been in existence since the start of, well, all. It may be argued it is probably the oldest law in the Universe. The main reason that a lot of folks are learning about it today, is since increasingly more individuals are waking up and knowing, and at least getting a look of, who they are. A lot more people are requesting this info than in the past, and consequently, the Law of Attraction should take them more information than ever before. You will find more books created on this subject than we have already seen. Because of the internet, individuals are able to find solutions to their questions immediately.

The info isn't "new"; we're merely seeking and also ready to get additional info, and also at a faster rate than in the past. Additionally, we're residing in a moment in which the majority of us can talk about religious things and Universal laws openly with no fear to be used at the stake or perhaps stoned to death. Almost all of this has permitted the thought of the Law of Attraction to distribute at an unprecedented speed. Myth #4 - The Law of Attraction is Non-Christian

The Myth: "I am a Christian and consequently I can't trust the Law of Attraction. This's merely a lot of New Agey stuff which conflicts with Christian beliefs"

The Myth Debunked: This a woman couldn't be further from the reality. You will find plenty of pathways in the Bible which reference the Law of Attraction. Several of these verses could be traced back nearly 3000 years. Jesus said "Everything is possible to him that believes." And "He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and higher works than these shall he do..." Here are several more: "As a male thinketh, therefore he is." (Proverbs 23:7). "It is through believing that male forms that which he's in life". (Proverbs 23:7). "For everybody that asks receives; he who seeks finds; and also to him who knocks, the door shall be opened." (Matthew 7:8)

These, and numerous other proverbs just love them, support the idea that your thoughts create the truth of yours and you are able to produce something you need. The issue is the fact that Christianity and also the Law of Attraction aren't based on inherently disagreeing principles. There are in fact now internet websites on the internet dedicated to the research of the Law of Attraction from a Christian thing of perspective.

Myth #5 - I've to take action to think of the Law of Attraction "work"

The Myth: "You must learn how to make use of the Law of Attraction to be able to get it to perform. If it is not helping you, you have to be doing it wrong."

The Myth Debunked: This's one more myth that's dependent on an extensive misunderstanding of the way the Law of Attraction works. There's absolutely nothing you've to do, or actually is able to do making the Law of Attraction succeed. Just like there's absolutely nothing you've to accomplish and could do to earn gravity work. It simply works. That is why it is known as a law.

You create the own truth of yours. Most of it. All of the time. You cannot help it. You are a lean, mean, making machine. Anything you see around you, each individual in the life of yours, all in the truth of yours, can there be in reaction to the vibration you provide. There is absolutely nothing you've to do to make the process work, neither can you end it. That is the reason no one is able to claim that "it is not working for you." It cannot NOT do the job for you.

The issue arises when individuals are producing by default, which usually brings them things they do not truly want, rather than creating deliberately. Your role is remembering the way to create consciously, to recall just how effective you are. That is it. And it is not meant to be work that is challenging. It is claimed to be fun. In case you are not having fun, THEN you are doing it wrong.

Myth #6 - Thoughts are not safe. You've to manage every thought you believe.

The Myth: "You must manage every thought you believe. In case you believe a' negative' notion, or have a fear of food, you immediately produce that. So view every thought you think!"

The Myth Debunked: While it is accurate that every idea has the capability for creating, you will find 2 huge reasons you do not need to be fearful of the feelings of yours.

For starters, a small concept does not have all that much energy. The energy comes from thinking similar notion again and again, until it is a belief. The more you believe a thought and feel it, the much more it impacts the vibration of yours and it's this particular vibration which draws in the manifestations of yours. The Law of Attraction responds to the vibration of yours, not the words you have said or even concept (although discover that your feelings and words are able to change your vibration).

Second, we've this incredible thing called time. There's a time buffer between providing a vibration and getting a manifestation. Even though a lot of us usually curse this moment buffer in our impatience to get the stuff we want, it's extremely helpful. Things do not occur right away for a reason. You've time to notice in case you are harboring some conflicting beliefs or perhaps are offering a vibration which does not actually serve you.

For instance, in case you are traveling across the street and also have a random concept "I hope I do not enter an accident", you could possibly remember reading someplace that the Universe as well as your subconscious do not realize negative statements, and also you only put "I hope I enter an accident" available. So, of course you would better suck that thought back in, otherwise you will have a crash. Wrong. If you've the consideration "I anticipation I do not get in an accident" though you do not harbor an underlying perception that driving is unsafe and there is an extremely good possibility that you will get in a crash, your vibration isn't likely to actually start matching you up with an accident. If the fundamental idea of yours is "I am safe", you will be healthy.

If, nonetheless, you do harbor such a perception, created by many, a lot of ideas about just how you are a target, just how simple it's getting into crashes, the way in which driving is unsafe, reading through a lot of news stories about the way folks enter crashes all of the time, discussing those accounts, etc., that a small consideration just granted you a sign that you've an underlying belief. Do you feel these thoughts easily and often? You then may wish to do a thing about that (or maybe buckle up). The issue is, that although your ideas help you to develop the vibration of yours, and that produces the truth of yours, it's the vibration behind the thought you've to give consideration to. A random thought meaning absolutely nothing to you is not likely to produce a thing. But a notion that you believe and feel again and again, a notion you offer plenty of attention to, will change the vibration of yours and that will develop.

Myth #7 - The Law of Attraction simply teaches selfishness

The Myth: "The Law of Attraction shows individuals to concentrate on themselves and the way they feel, before concentrating on others. This's selfish, and that is awful. We've a duty being selfless."

The Myth Debunked: The perception and this myth that we should be selfless, have caused much more burnout among individuals with intentions that are great than anything else.

The Law of Attraction does show selfishness. But selfishness has become a very bad rap. There is a big difference between strolling over systems to obtain everything you would like, and that is what lots of people consider when they notice the term "selfish", moreover not allowing other people and circumstances to determine the happiness of yours. Giving of yourself with absolutely no regard to the way you think until there is nothing left though a clear husk, is neither virtuous or necessary. The choices are not only between being a self sacrificing saint or maybe a complete bastard.

The selfishness which the Law of Attraction shows, is the type that permits a mom with 3 children that are small to identify when she is becoming overwhelmed, plus offer herself permission to shoot a warm bath and then charge the batteries of her, with no feeling guilty about it. She comes back again refreshed and in a much better mood. Do you feel this will harm or even benefit her kids? In case we maintain ourselves (physically, mentally AND spiritually), we've a great deal more to offer others. In case we concentrate on our personal pleasure, we are able to uplift others, and genuinely assist them, rather than commiserating with them in the misery of theirs and just supporting them in their becoming wedged in that vibration.

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yegarts · 3 years ago

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“I Am YEG Arts” Series: April Dean, Executive Director of SNAP

April Dean, photo provided by the artist.

Artists thrive when they’re connected to each other—when their desire for creation is reflected back in the hearts and minds of those they share space and time with. If that sounds like something you might hear at an artist-run centre, you’re not wrong. They’re the words of April Dean—a visual artist, teacher, and the Executive Director at the Society of Northern Alberta Print-Artists (SNAP).

Connecting artists to each other and new ideas is something SNAP’s been doing for nearly 40 years. From their workshops and printmaking studio to their focus on being a community resource, support of artistic excellence and experimentation is at the heart of all their programs and policies. So is April Dean. An accomplished artist herself, she understands the consequential value of opportunity, practice, and mentorship. Paired with her ability to lead and determination to unlearn, she’s driven to improve the conditions of arts and culture, alongside others determined to do the same. This week’s “I Am YEG Arts” story belongs to April Dean.

Tell us about your connection to Edmonton and how it’s influenced your path.

I was born in Edmonton! I grew up in the northeast corner of the city, in Clareview, and was incredibly fortunate to have parents who went out of their way to encourage engagement with the arts. My entire family has now relocated to other parts of the country, and I find myself, often to my own surprise, still here!

What keeps you here, working and creating?

There is something intangible about how I want to respond to this question, and I’ve been asked it many times before. I have moved away from Edmonton in the past. I sincerely did not expect to return. When I chose to return, I didn’t expect to stay long. It turns out my professional network and relationships here continue to foster growth. I’ve never felt stagnant, and I keep finding opportunities for renewal—opportunities to extend myself and feel both challenged by and of value to other artists. I am driven by opportunities to improve the conditions of arts and culture, and the Edmonton arts community is currently full of other people equally driven to do the same.

Tell us a little about what makes the SNAP Gallery community special to you and the city.

SNAP is an undeniably special place that holds a lot of significance for artists and audiences alike. The connection between the studio and gallery is a critical one—it seems to make all the mystery and endless possibility of printmaking very tangible and inviting. The word community has been receiving some side-eye recently, and for good reason. It’s a complex label that is readily applied in the arts without thorough consideration of those it implies and those it might exclude.

SNAP, at its core, has been a place for artists for almost 40 years. Artists thrive when they are connected to each other, when their desire for creation is reflected back in the hearts and minds of those they share space and time with. What I have witnessed, and I hope fostered, at SNAP is a constant expansion and welcome plurality of what artistic practice can be here.

How did you become involved with SNAP and arts advocacy?

My earliest experiences with SNAP were as a volunteer when I was a university student in 2007/2008. Marc Siegner is one of SNAP’s founding members and has done a great job extending invitations to keen printmaking students to come and be involved at SNAP. I was finishing university and feeling modestly aimless about what to do next, and SNAP seemed like a place where my skills would be useful—so I spent a few years installing exhibitions, painting walls, teaching workshops, and planning events as a volunteer. I also had early career opportunities to work at the U of A museums, and the AFA on short-term contracts, and at Latitude 53 in a programming role, so I managed to gain a lot of insight and experience in a short amount of time.

Tell us about someone who’s been a mentor to you and what you learned.

Blair Brennan has been an incredible force of support and optimism in my life, as I know he has been for so many others. Blair’s buoyant support has always felt unconditional, and his magical thinking has often challenged my pragmatism. He’s been an inspiring teacher in his steadfast dedication to his own art practice, while managing to offer so much time, advice, collaboration, and generous attention to other artists.

More recently I’ve found a network of other women in leadership roles in Edmonton who have become critical supporters, collaborators, and teachers. These connections and relationships have had a profound impact on me due to the care and trust that has been established.

SNAP Printshop. Photo: Cooper and O’Hara

When you think YEG arts, what are the first three things, people, or places that come to mind?

This is a hard question, so I’m not going to overthink it:

1. The colourful bison mural in the Milner Library underground parkade (which also summons the undeniable sewer scent of the parkade).

2. Edmonton’s Indigenous Art Park: ᐄᓃᐤ (ÎNÎW) River Lot 11∞

3. That buzzy feeling of energy and optimism after an event or gathering—being reminded of how many stellar intersections of people make up our unique communities here.

7. What advice would you give artists wanting to live and work here?

Show up!

Be generous and flexible!

Think about the work of others at least as much as you’re thinking about your own!

Collaborate!

Send letters to other artists (DMs count, I suppose)!

You can be critical and kind at the same time! Feedback is a gift.

Don’t buy into scarcity models!

Ask for what you want or need!

What has working with the YEG arts community taught you about yourself?

The past two years have been incredibly difficult for me professionally, and part of that difficulty comes from growing pains. I’ve learned how to unlearn! To begin challenging and rethinking some deeply embedded and systemic ways of being that simply don’t serve me as an artist or that don’t create or allow the kind of conditions I want for other artists. I’ve learned softness and generosity. I’ve learned what conversations I want to be having and which ones aren’t worth my time anymore. I’ve learned how to apologize! I haven’t learned any of these things on my own, and I am so grateful for the friends and colleagues who constantly model better ways to be in the world.

Tell us one of your favourite YEG arts memories.

In 2017 Ociciwan Contemporary Art Collective created an enigmatic, haunting, and stunning performance at the Winspear Centre: in memoriam… by Postcommodity and Alex Waterman. This moving work will stay with me forever and truly crystallized for me how grateful I am to share space and time with Ociciwan and to witness their powerful work.

Describe your perfect day in Edmonton. How do you spend it?

After the tumultuousness of 2020, I’ve grown to really value rest and slowness. A perfect day for me would involve time outdoors (some crisp fall sweater weather please), ample coffee, zero electronic screens, and a healthy balance between quiet observation and generous conversation. I also really love to share a good laugh.

Want more YEG Arts Stories? We’ll be sharing them here all year and on social media using the hashtag #IamYegArts. Follow along!

Click here to discover more about April Dean, and visit the SNAP website for info about workshops, exhibitions, and more.

SNAP Gallery, displaying works by Andrea Pinheiro. Photo: Blaine Campbell

About April Dean

April Dean is a visual artist living in Amiskwaciwâskahikan, on Treaty 6 Territory. She maintains an active studio practice of all things print media; combinations of 2D & 3D works, and video. She is an arts & culture administrator, advocate, and teacher. With formal training in photographic technology and printmaking, her work is often constructed of lens based images and language fragments. In 2012 she was granted a Master of Fine Arts Degree in Fine & Media Art from NSCAD University in Halifax, Nova Scotia. In 2016 she was awarded a public art commission from the Edmonton Arts Council and was awarded an Edmonton Artist Trust Fund award in 2018. Dean currently serves as the Executive Director of SNAP (the Society of Northern Alberta Print-Artists), a non-profit & artist-run centre dedicated to printmaking.

#yeg #yegarts #IAmYegArts #edmonton #edmontonarts #SNAP #printmaking

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your-dietician · 3 years ago

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He tried to commemorate erased history. China detained him, then erased that too

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He tried to commemorate erased history. China detained him, then erased that too

He stood in Tiananmen Square, wearing sneakers, track pants and a black T-shirt printed with the date of a massacre.

It was June 4, 2019, the 30th anniversary of the killing of hundreds of pro-democracy protesters in Beijing. Dong Zehua, then 28, hadn’t even been born when tanks clattered over the square and the world watched. The events on that bloody day in 1989 weren’t taught in school or ever mentioned in Chinese media. But Dong knew what had happened.

Tech-savvy and good at English, Dong had mastered circumventing the Great Firewall. He had learned about the anti-government protests and deaths through foreign websites banned in China. As the anniversary approached, he booked a train ticket and traveled to Beijing, keeping the T-shirt hidden until he was on the square.

Dong was a jiulinghou, as those born after 1990 are called in China. They are a nationalistic generation raised on “patriotic education” and state propaganda in a prosperous, increasingly strong China. Many have little knowledge of the traumas their parents endured or the ongoing suppression of Chinese citizens around them.

But there are outliers among them. A handful of Chinese youth like Dong have tried to expose and preserve China’s true history and honor those erased from the official story. They do so despite censorship, imprisonment and growing pressure from peers who are encouraged to report on anyone who criticizes the state.

Counter-narratives have been crushed by a Communist Party determined to carefully choreograph its 100th anniversary in July. That means deleting official wrongs, promoting a whitewashed version of party history, punishing those who deviate — and in recent days, expunging the records of that punishment as well.

“What they’re doing is to control every Chinese person’s thinking and erase every person’s history,” Dong said. “They want to write history themselves.”

To Dong’s surprise, two other young people were in the square the morning he arrived: Yuan Shuai, 24, a recent college graduate from Inner Mongolia working at an advertising company in Beijing, and Gao Tianqi, 21, a Beijinger attending university abroad who’d come back for the summer. Gao carried a yellow umbrella — a symbol of Hong Kong’s youth-led democracy movement — with the number “30” written on it in black marker.

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They hatched a plan to interview foreigners on the square and post a video of their comments online.

“It was a normal, simple sense of justice in our hearts, thinking: I want to do this, because someone should,” said Dong. “Someone should commemorate. This shouldn’t be forgotten.”

The three were arrested within hours. Yuan and Dong were convicted of “picking quarrels and provoking troubles” and sentenced, respectively, to six and seven months in jail. Gao was let go after 38 days of detention without trial.

Dong was quiet for several months after his release. But on June 4, 2020, he emailed The Times about his experience and provided a link to a judgment issued by the Beijing Dongcheng People’s Court. The Times verified the judgment, which was documented in a public archive of court rulings kept by the Supreme People’s Court online.

Last month, he contacted The Times again: The record of his arrest had vanished.

“In their eyes, it’s as if our detention never happened. It’s as if they never did it to us,” Dong said. “They deleted it … as if they can just delete all Chinese people’s memories…. With one stroke of the arm they can cover the sky.”

It wasn’t just Dong’s case. Thousands of politically sensitive cases disappeared last month from China Judgments Online, the public archive.

The deletions were first noticed by a Chinese activist with the Twitter handle @SpeechFreedomCN, who has been keeping an archive of speech crime cases. He has tracked more than 2,040 cases, dating to 2013, based on official documentation in China Judgments Online or public security bureaus’ reports on the social media apps Weibo and WeChat.

There are more than 600 cases of punishment related to speech about COVID-19. Most are fines, “education and warning,” or detention for up to two weeks for posting online messages about the coronavirus or the government response.

They include the case of Li Wenliang, the young doctor who died of the virus after authorities reprimanded him for warning others about the outbreak, but also hundreds of lesser-known ones: a Qinghai man given 10 months of jail for tweets criticizing China’s COVID response; a Beijinger jailed six months for warning classmates in a WeChat group about a COVID case; a popular Weibo blogger in Hebei province given six months of prison for compiling stories of Wuhan residents’ suffering during lockdown.

Other commonly punished speech “crimes” include insulting the police, petitioning for help from the central government, or trying to expose government corruption. Many cases punish Chinese citizens for activity on Twitter and Facebook, evidence that their behavior beyond the firewall is also under surveillance.

Last month, the activist — who asked not to be identified for his protection — noticed that several of the key searches he conducts on the archive each day were suddenly coming up blank. Terms such as “Weibo + picking quarrels and provoking troubles,” “Twitter + picking quarrels and provoking troubles,” or “national leaders” came back with zero results.

The Times repeated the activist’s search to confirm the cases’ disappearance, reviewed a selection of screenshots in his archive of court cases that used to be online, and called 12 courts across China to inquire about the deleted cases.

Two of the courts, both in Hubei province, did not pick up repeated calls. Employees of the courts in Shanghai and the provinces of Guangdong and Jiangsu confirmed that the cases existed and were as described in the screenshots, but did not explain why they’d been taken offline. Others declined to provide information to The Times.

“If we think it can be shown then it is, and if we think it shouldn’t, we take it off,” an employee at a local court in Hunan province told The Times over the phone. “There must be a reason it can’t be shown, but this is a work secret. We don’t need to tell anyone and you don’t need to understand.”

The activist said China’s tolerance for free speech is evaporating: “We thought the people being arrested for speech online were only very extreme cases,” he said. “But when we looked closely, we saw many people are not ‘serious’ at all and yet are detained. Many people without much influence are also arrested. Control is getting stricter and stricter.”

A seller with a portrait of Chinese President Xi Jinping, center, next to a picture of the late Chinese leader Mao Zedong at Dongfanghong Theater in Yanan. (Hector Retamal / AFP/Getty Images)

This tightening comes as China is emerging as a global power and the Communist Party prepares for its centennial. President Xi Jinping has launched a nationwide campaign for citizens to study newly revised volumes of Communist Party history and celebrate its achievements. It is a brazen reinvention that will keep younger generations living with an airbrushed past.

All cinemas in China have been ordered to screen at least two nationalistic propaganda films each week. Schools, hospitals, lawyers associations, and Buddhist and Taoist temples have held “Red” singing competitions, patriotic poetry recitations and political study sessions.

The newest edition of official party history no longer criticizes Mao Zedong for chaos and killings in the 1960s and ’70s, but praises his Cultural Revolution as an anti-corruption measure and blames the upheavals on “insufficient implementation of his correct ideology.”

The party narrative glosses over the failures of the Great Leap Forward, making no mention of the tens of millions who starved to death in the 1950s and ’60s. It calls the Tiananmen Square protests a “political storm” incited by “anti-communist, anti-socialist foreign enemy forces” backing an “extremely small minority.” It mentions no killing of protesters — some estimates say thousands died — only that authorities took “decisive measures to calm the counterrevolutionary riots.”

More than a quarter of the book, which was published in February, is devoted to China’s “new era” under Xi, in which the “China dream” of great national rejuvenation is fulfilled. Five pages describe the COVID-19 outbreak, praising Xi’s leadership of the response as a demonstration of how the party always puts “the people” first.

Students wave Communist Party flags as they prepare to watch the movie “The Founding of a Party” in Yangzhou to mark the centennial of the Communist Party of China. (AFP/Getty Images)

Meanwhile, those who deviate from Beijing’s narrative of harmony and prosperity are punished.

Last month, two computer coders went on trial in Beijing for “picking quarrels and provoking troubles,” the same blanket crime applied to Dong for his T-shirt in Tiananmen Square. They were Cai Wei, 27, and Chen Mei, 28, friends who’d created an online archive of articles called Terminus2049, hosted on GitHub, about the COVID-19 outbreak, whistleblower doctors and lockdown in Wuhan.

Many were reports by Chinese journalists who risked their lives covering the early days of the coronavirus outbreak in Wuhan, only to have their articles censored as Xi pushed for “positive energy” propaganda focused on praising heroes, not marking human suffering.

Cai and Chen were detained in April 2020 and had been held for more than a year before they went to trial. Their families were not allowed to see them, hire personal defense lawyers for them or examine the documents explaining charges against them, according to Chen’s older brother Chen Kun, who now lives in France.

“Ten years ago, this wouldn’t be a problem. You wouldn’t be detained for just archiving information. At most they’d threaten you and ‘have tea,’” Chen Kun told The Times in a phone interview, using a common euphemism for disciplinary meetings with authorities. “We didn’t realize that in 2019 and 2020, China’s internet control became much stricter than in the past.”

Chen Kun was born in the ’80s and had lived in a China with access to Google, Twitter, YouTube — all platforms that are blocked today. Internet access gave him not only understanding of China’s history, but also connection with like-minded friends and the chance to take small actions for social progress.

He had spent years working for Liren, a grass-roots organization that ran rural libraries and summer camps promoting civic engagement among underprivileged Chinese youth. His brother had met Cai at a Liren camp 10 years ago, when they’d been inspired to work on behalf of marginalized groups.

Liren was shut down in 2014. Chen Kun, who was head of the organization at that time, spent several months in detention.

But the brothers kept their ideals. The younger Chen worked for a charity in Beijing that aided people with disabilities. Online, he and Cai created Terminus2049, archiving censored articles about China’s #MeToo movement, labor protests and forced removal of migrant workers from Beijing. They also ran a discussion forum that didn’t require real-name registration, unlike most Chinese social media.

In earlier years, hosting such archives and forums was safe. Those arrested for speech tended to be “long-term rights activists and anti-CCP dissidents,” Chen Kun said. But now, ordinary people are being detained for actions as innocuous as a retweet.

“We are watching China’s speech environment being squeezed bit by bit until you cannot speak,” he said. Even worse, he said, the pressure was coming not only from officials but also from ordinary people — friends, family, neighbors and netizens who are increasingly reporting one another’s speech, especially online.

Official statistics show that mutual tattling has increased. In 2020, China’s Central Cyberspace Administration handled 163 million reports of improper online speech, an increase of 17.4% from 2019. The majority came from Chinese social media platforms including Weibo, Baidu, Alibaba and Tencent. More than 60% were reports of sexually inappropriate content, while 7.7% (about 12.5 million reports) were political and 1.1% were “rumors.”

In April, China’s Central Cyberspace Administration issued a new request for reports of “hazardous information involving historical nihilism.” It offered phone, app and website options for tattling on anyone caught “twisting” party history, criticizing party leaders, ideology or policy, “smearing” heroes and martyrs, or speaking negatively of China’s traditional, revolutionary or modern culture.

Mutual reporting continued to grow, with nearly 15 million reports that month, an increase of 38.4% from March and a 2.6% increase from April 2020.

“It will be like the Cultural Revolution,” Chen Kun said. “Normal people stand up to struggle against you. This makes you feel really hopeless.”

That sense of nationalistic, voluntary mutual censorship is particularly strong among the young, he said, especially urban youth who grew up in a rising China with no knowledge of their own history — aside from the the triumphalist narratives taught in school — and no experience of open information.

An exhibition at a Beijing museum in March 2021 marks the upcoming 100th anniversary of the Communist Party of China. (AFP/Getty Images)

Even Dong, Yuan and Gao, the three who went to Tiananmen Square on the anniversary of the massacre, had believed that the Chinese government today would never use violence against its youth. Born in 1991, 1995 and 1998, respectively, they were highly educated city kids: “Maybe because we are young, we were thinking too well of the government,” said Dong. “We never imagined it would treat its own people this way.”

The day they were arrested in the square, police strip-searched them and made them stand for hours against a wall, then interrogated them overnight in metal “tiger chairs” that bound their wrists and ankles. They refused to believe that the three had not known one another beforehand or received foreign support, Dong said. In their thinking, it made no sense for anyone born after 1989 to care about what happened then.

“They don’t believe that actually, a lot of people in China have conscience,” said Dong. “It has nothing to do with your age, education, or whether your family has been hurt.”

Interrogators told Dong he’d receive a lighter sentence if he confessed to the “picking quarrels” crime. He did, but still spent seven months in Beijing’s Dongcheng district detention center, in a cell of 20 people squeezed into about 430 square feet.

Inside, they were forced to watch “educational videos” praising the government and write self-criticisms and confessions. They were fed mostly water and cabbage. At night, they took two-hour shifts patrolling the cell, where the light was never turned off. In the daytime, aside from the reeducation sessions, they sat on a mat in silence.

Dong fears that his peers and those younger than him still don’t know what lies behind government propaganda.

A teacher and her students in Lianyungang, China, pose with Communist Party emblems during a class about the party’s history in June 2020. (AFP/Getty Images)

“Young people these days are completely led by the government narrative. It’s the only information they come into contact with,” he said. Many of the linglinghou and lingwuhou, those born after 2000 and 2005, are the quickest to point fingers at others, he said, accusing anyone who questions the government of backing from “foreign forces.”

It’s a “terrifying” and “very narrow” way of looking at the world, he said, one intentionally constructed by the government.

“Young people across the world should be the most anti-establishment, the most open and alive in their thinking — but not in China. In China, the youth have been shut in the government’s thinking cage for too long and cannot find an exit,” he said.

Police monitored Dong after his release, telling him he could not go to Beijing and threatening him and his parents anytime he made WeChat posts that they deemed sensitive. “I feel that I have just moved from a smaller prison to a bigger one,” he said.

In the days before June 4 this year, he received multiple warnings to keep quiet. Yet he asked to tell his story with his real name. “We don’t need to use lies. We don’t need to hide. We haven’t done anything wrong,” he said.

The world should know of those being silenced every day in China, he said, even if their records at home are wiped away.

(This is the first in a series of occasional stories about the challenges the young face in an increasingly perilous world. Reporting for the series was supported by a grant from the Pulitzer Center on Crisis Reporting.)

This story originally appeared in Los Angeles Times.

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