#but yeah.. ah fuck id probably have to be at her funeral- SHIT.)

[the-red-hoodlum]

my grandparents (paternal) just like,, randomly showed up?? (theyve just left but they were here for like.. hours) i mean they do this sometimes but like fuck i wasnt even dressed (had to speedrun it bc the only warning we got was father literally being like 'oh.. uh my parents are outside??') they only know me by my deadname too tho so that was hella uncomfortable..

[theastrophilearchitect]

Falcon and the Winter Soldier series commentary.

It’s currently 07.28am on Friday the 19th of March 2021, and the first episode of Falcon and the Winter Soldier is now on Disney+. For WandaVision, I re-watched the series for a review when it ended, but for this one, I’m going to go as I watch them the first time.

This isn’t going to be run-down, or a play-by-play, just any comments I happen to have. I’ll give some context, but this will generally make more sense if you’ve seen the show.

I’ve actually avoided most of the trailers for this show, but it follows Sam Wilson (AKA Falcon, played by Anthony Mackie) and Bucky Barnes (AKA the Winter Soldier, played by Sebastian Stan) after the events of Avengers: Endgame, after the (death?) of Steve Rogers, the original Captain America, who passed the title to Sam.

Let’s get into it.

Episode One: ‘New World Order’ I hate this title, and I’m scared. This episode is 49 minutes long, and I’m expecting the series in total to have roughly the same six-hour runtime of WandaVision, but that’ll be in fewer episodes because WandaVision started in a comedy format, with shorter episodes. Let’s go.

Cue the Marvel intro.

No, no, no, no, no, no. He’s dressing for a funeral. Fuck.

Nope, no funeral. At least not right now.

And he jumps out of a plane with no parachute. Steve Rogers who? I mean, at least he has wings. Steve’s just an idiot. Where’s Bucky?

Okay, this plane break-in is a really fun sequence. Yes, shields, thank you. Sam’s already smarter than Steve. He’s rescuing a Captain Vascant, and I honestly thought he said Captain Croissant. It would make sense. The people on the plane French.

This sequence, flying through a gorge, really reminds me of a game I used to play at a bowling alley arcade. These damn swerves. They’re so satisfying.

I can’t get the WandaVision episode three theme song out of my head. This show was meant to come before WandaVision, but I saw a chronology timeline that claimed this takes place after it.

I’m really not into huge action sequences--I find them to be the most boring part of any superhero movie, but this is a good one. It is, however, ten minutes long. Still no Bucky.

Ahhhh Rhodey!!! Rhodey’s here! (From Iron Man, but then he’s also in the Avengers movies, so you should probably know who he is.)

Oh, Sam’s giving the shield to the Smithsonian. 

Excuse me, he chose not to become Captain America??

Welp, there’s Bucky. Being murderous. EXcuse me??? What did he just say???? Fuck off. I thought the Wakandans helped him :(

Never mind. It was a nightmare. So he’s meant to be being a law-abiding citizen, and failing. He’s in therapy, and she is calling him out. 

Bucky just asked out a girl, and it feels so wrong, but that just shows how immersed I am in the #stucky ship.

So Sam’s widowed sister is trying to get a bank loan, and they’re real idiots. The bankers, that is. They’re having a go because Sam didn’t have any income in the last five years--gee, I wonder why.

Sam just got a text from Torres--a member of the air force, who he’s working with--and the text ends with ‘#important’. I get the feeling the writers don’t understand no-one uses hashtags in texts.

Newsflash, and the mayor’s announcing a new Captain America, and it’s...  show me the face. Show me the face. Who the fuck is that?

Alright, well, and cut to seven minute-long credits. Well. I have questions. A good episode, though nothing exceptional. And just like the early WandaVision episode, no credit scene.

Episode Two: ‘The Star-Spangled Man’ Released March 26th, this episode also has a 49 minute runtime, and the title is clearly referencing the ‘new’ Captain America. I say ‘new’ because even though I don’t know who this guy is yet, fuck him. Anyway.

There’s a guy in some kind of locker room, who I’m assuming is the new Captain America, who was apparently a football player. I just want to know if they pulled more super soldier shit. The captions say his name is John Walker.

Cue the Marvel logo... with some weird-ass music. Okay, it’s just a... dancing marching band, at the Captain America presentation. They’ve given him a new symbol, like an A turned into a five-pointed star. Apparently he’s the first person to ever receive three Medals of Honour, run missions in counterterrorism and hostage rescue, and he has some fancy-ass physicality. This guy seems alright, but I’m just mad they didn’t tell Sam what they were going to do with the shield. At least he likes Steve.

God, Steve would be pissed. Ay, Sam and Bucky are finally in a scene together!

My favourite trope: ‘I’m doing this with you!’ ‘No, you’re not.’ [cut to them doing the thing together]. 

Bucky followed Sam on a mission to Munich, Germany, to do with the Flag Smashers, a free border organisation mentioned in episode one. They’re just glaring at each other, and I love it. God, I love their dynamic.

This has ‘What’s our plan of attack?’ ‘The plan? Attack’ vibes. And Bucky just jumped out of a fucking plane without a parachute. Steve Rogers who? (I think I made that joke in my episode one commentary about Sam. They take so much after their father.)

Sam made a joke about Bucky becoming White Panther after Wakanda, and apparently he’s now the White Wolf. I’m pretty sure that’s a comic book alias, but this is its first MCU mention.

OOOOh, the action sequences in this are fun. And there’s a kid in the back of the bad guys’ truck. Why’s she smiling?

And she just blasted Bucky out onto the road. Wonderful. She’s also a Flag Smasher. Yes, Sam! Yes!

Maybe don’t drive your lorries side by side in the same direction on a two-way road? Just a thought?

And roll in John Walker. You’d think they’d be having a harder time staying stood on lorries travelling this fast.

And Captain America has a fucking gun. No. No. Steve just used a frisbee! Don’t do this, Walker, you bastard.

So apparently the Flag Smashers are all super soldiers. That doesn’t bode well. I don’t think Walker is, though. 

And this suit does nothing for his ass. It just isn’t America’s.

So they all rolled off the lorries, and the bad guys got away. Walker rolled up beside Sam and Bucky in a military vehicle, and they’re just refusing to get in.

‘Just ‘cause you carry that shield, it doesn’t mean you’re Captain America.’ THANK YOU.

‘You ever jump on top of a grenade?’ ‘Yeah. Actually, I have. Four times.’ You fucking what? Why? That doesn’t sound like Steve’s dumbassery, this sounds like genuine heroics. Disgusting. 

And they finally got in the car. So the Flag Smashers want to put things back how they were during the Blip.

‘Does [Bucky] always just stare like that?’ ‘You get used to it.’ !!!!!!

‘I’m not trying to replace Steve.’ Really? Because it sounds like you are.

I hate that the subtitles are calling him Captain America. He seems like a fine guy, but really?

So apparently there was a super soldier in the Korean War. 

Great. Police racism, demanding to see Sam’s ID but not Bucky’s, until the other policeman points out they’re Avengers. Wonderful. And they’re now arresting Bucky for missing his court-mandated therapy.

Also, I didn’t even acknowledge the fact Bucky got a haircut somewhere before the show stars. I was conscious of it, but I didn’t even think to say anything because I’m just used to seeing Sebastian Stan with short hair.

So John Walker got Bucky out. And Bucky’s therapist is forcing him and Sam into a session. HA, she’s giving them couple’s therapy. This is intense. She made them do some soul-gazing shit, and they started having a staring contest!

AND they’re going to go see Zemo, the villain from Captain America: Civil War. I knew he was in this show, but they’re just going to willingly have a conversation with him?? And again, no credit scene.

This was definitely a better episode than the first--the first honestly felt kind of unnecessary, and I think they just wanted to put the new Captain America at the end of an episode to build tension as a cliffhanger, which is a little annoying but does make sense.

I’m going to be constantly comparing this show to WandaVision, but it’s a lot less mysterious than WandaVision. Mystery isn’t necessary for a show to be good; there’s just a stark contrast between the two shows in that aspect.

Episode Three: ‘Power Broker’ Released April 2nd, this episode has a 53 minute runtime. We open with an ad for the Global Repatriation Council, apparently an organisation focused on helping those who were Blipped reintegrate, though I’m really confused what this has to do with anything--it’s not like the ads in WandaVision, because this is the first we’ve had. I guess the GRC must show up in this episode, but I don’t really think the ad is necessary.

I don’t want to give a rundown of this show like I did with WandaVision, so I’m just going to mention which scene each comment is for.

They’ve really given Zemo an atmospheric cell. Also, this bitch, saying the words that turned Bucky into the Winter Soldier. This bitch and his audacity. Now he’s sorry? That’s hilarious.

Why in fuck’s name does Bucky want to break Zemo out??? I’m really with Sam on this one. What is Bucky’s point here?

And now they’re breaking him out. Wonderful. Nope, never mind, just a... imagining? Nope. He did it. Zemo’s out. This seems like a bad idea. He’s going to betray them. That’s just how stories work.

Ah. Snake gut cocktail. Lovely.

I hate that Bucky’s pretending to still be the Winter Soldier. Hate it. And now Zemo’s trying to sell him. No. Good writing, sure, but still.

Love the ‘kill them’, then gets shot. Love it.

SHARON! YAY! I don’t even like Sharon that much, mostly because her romance with Steve was weird, but yay!

Sam: *takes off his shirt* Sharon: Much better.

‘The bionic staring machine.’ I mean, Sam’s not wrong, but still.

I can’t tell if this song, where they’re walking through this place with pistols, is just background music or actually playing, but I love it. Okay, it’s real. It has Umbrella Academy vibes.

Nope. Zemo has his mask. I don’t trust this. There he goes. Wait. He didn’t betray them? Why? It might just be poor comprehension, but I’m confused.

‘You’re not gonna move your seat up, are you?’ ‘No.’ Bucky gets his revenge on Sam. 

So a woman showed up at the end, head shaven, and, according to the subtitles, spoke Wakandan. I think it’s the woman who came with T’Challa in Captain America: Civil War, but i’m not completely sure.

But, hey, that’s episode 3. I didn’t enjoy it as much as episode 2, because, mad as I am they replaced Cap, so far, I quite like John Walker’s character, and I think it’s a really interesting plot line. This was still better than episode 1 though, which just felt like set-up.

Episode Four: ‘The Whole World is Watching’ This episode was released April 9th, this morning, with a 53-minute runtime, and I’ve already been told John Walker does something unredeemable in this episode, so I’m scared. Let’s go.

And we have an explosion, kids. It’s a previously on, never mind. I don’t remember the explosion, but it’s fine. Okay, yeah, the woman at the end of the last episode was the woman from Civil War. I need to look up her name.

Oh, yep, her name’s Ayo, and she’s a member of the Dora Milaje. Lovely.

Jesus, we’re in Wakanda. Why am I scared? Six years ago. Bucky in Wakanda. Right. With Ayo. I hate seeing him cry, God. 

Back to present day. Of course she’s mad about Zemo. I’d also be mad about Zemo. I am mad about Zemo. She gave him a time limit--I think time limits are fun. Build tension. They’re great.

God, Zemo walking down a street full of children singing Baa Baa Black Sheep is so... 80s. Maybe don’t offer sweets to children you don’t know?? Like?? I mean his tactic’s working. Unlike Sam’s. This bitch just turned the children against Sam and Bucky. As you do.

And they have more serum. I’m going to be honest, the supersoldier thing’s pretty elitist, unless they intend to make everyone in the world a supersoldier. I can’t help but see a capitalist versus socialist metaphor here, but then I find those in literally everything.

I do like Walker’s character--he’s entertaining--but as a person, no thank you. I also really like the fact Karli Morgenthau is British, but not quite in the way most British characters in US shows. I fit the stereotypical accent, but you don’t really see other English accents in American shows.

Walker you little bitch, you said he had ten minutes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don’t guilt-trip Bucky, you shit. And here we go.

I hate the fact this episode mean’s we’re already 2/3 of the way through the series.

And Zemo’s absolutely going to take that serum. Nope. He’s smashing it. I mean, that’s one way. Not the way I expected, but still. And he missed one. Walker’s going to take it. I know he is. And he pocketed it. Yep.

Okay, I would absolutely take the serum if I were offered it. I bet Walker’s going to take it at the end of the episode, though. Who has a bow??

And he’s the Dora Milaje. Pff, it wasn’t even an arrow; it was a spear.  I’m with the Dora Milaje in this scenario, absolutely. Love that Sam and Bucky are just stood there, doing nothing. What’s the point of Lemar Hoskins? He doesn’t do anything.

Don’t unbolt Bucky’s arm, you ass. 

And Zemo’s gone. Now, who could’ve seen that coming? 

Why the hell is Karli calling Sam’s sister??

Sharon put a tracker on Walker? Smart. 

Well, we found Zemo. God, I miss Steve. 

Did Karli just kill Hoskins??

And Walker just smashed this guy’s head in. Lovely. What a Captain America thing to do.  Ooh, the bloody shield’s kind of a vibe though.

So that’s episode 4, and oh my lord.

Episode Five: ‘Truth’ 16th April, and... crap, it’s 07.26, of course, the episode’s not up yet. Will return in like half an hour.

Okay, it’s past 8am, and the episode is...up. Lovely. It’s 60 minutes long, and I’m terrified, because someone told me about a theory that Bucky was going to die in this episode.

Lemar does seem to be dead, which is disappointing, because that would mean his entire character existed solely to motivate Walker to kill that guy, which isn’t very satisfying. Lemar Hoskins is a comic book character though, so who knows.

I mean. At least murderous Captain America is in anguish. He deserves it. Serious credit to the actor, by the way. Wyatt Russell got a lot of hate about his character, and I get why people don’t like the character, but he’s hugely interesting and Russell plays him so well.

So Lemar Hoskins is not dead. Doesn’t exactly put Walker in a good light. He’s obviously not going to give Sam the shield, for God’s sake.

Bucky just looks amazing with the short hair and the blue coat. It’s great. Love it.

And now Walker’s trying to kill Sam. Great idea. Did he take the serum already? Because that would explain why he’s become so brutish. Hold up. No, I don’t think he has. But who knows. Clearly not me.

Yep, trying to choke Sam. Very Captain America of you, John. And he tried to smash his head in. Thank God for Bucky. And Sam got the shield. Good.

There’s cat hair everywhere around me right now.

Well, that intro was very, very fun.

Did Sam just give up the wings...? Why...?

Glad, at least, that Walker’s no longer Captain America. Yep, yelling in a courthouse. Great way to warrant lenience. It’s the good-man-perfect-soldier balance again: Steve was always a good man first, where Walker’s first a soldier.

So Walker did take the serum. That makes sense. It exaggerates personal qualities, so Walker’s anger and... vengefulness.

Is Bucky actually going to kill Zemo? No. No, the gun’s empty. I’m not sure I get why Bucky would take out the bullets intentionally, but alright. 

Hope Zemo has fun with the Dora Milaje.

This storyline with Sam’s sister is so wholesome compared to the rest of the show. So Bucky brought Sam something in a case, and I just want to know what is is. He said is was a gift from the Wakandans, so obviously tech of some kind. New wings?

I’m really confused as to whether or not Lemar Hoskins is dead. He seemed dead. Walker thought he was dead. Then this woman said he isn’t, but now Walker’s going to his family, so... yeah, I guess he is, and I just have really poor comprehension. 

Sam’s nephews playing with the shield is adorable.

Aww, Sam’s learning how to use the frisbee. I know it’s more intense than that, but it’s literally a frisbee.

Soooooo the Flag Smashers are attacking the UN. As you do. 

Credit scene! Credit scene! Walker’s hammering, making... something. A shield. Great. Wonderful. love how he thinks he can make a better one than Tony Stark. Sure. And that, my friends, wraps up episode 5, and marks us as 83% of the way through the show.

Episode Six: ‘One World, One People’ It’s April 23rd. And the last episode is up. Just going to finish the chapter of my audiobook first.

This title is very exciting, and the episode’s 51 minutes long. Let’s go.

Honestly, I’m not huge on shows this intense, but I am enjoying this, which I think is because a) I know the characters, and b) it’s only one episode a week.

Oh, hell yes. Falcon America. Honestly, costume looks kinda dumb. Awww, the subtitles are calling him Captain America. 

This show hasn’t been nearly as exciting as WandaVision, because it lacks the mystery aspect. It’s definitely more for Marvel fans than the other series. What’s next? Loki? Yeah. I just googled it, and Marvel’s really putting out a lot this year. Which is probably because we had a year of nothing, but we’re getting four shows (WandaVision, FatWS, Loki, Hawkeye--which doesn’t yet have a definitive release) and four movies (Black Widow, Shang-Chi, the Eternals, and Spider-Man 3, which I wasn’t expecting until at least next year).

I feel like I just don’t have much to say about what’s happening, because it’s basically just a battle, which I’m never hugely interested in. I’m not really an action person.

Oh, and apparently Ms. Marvel’s this year, too.

Going through a list, clearly, and you mean to tell me we’re not getting Guardians Vol. 3 until six years after Vol. 2??

And fuck. Hey, Walker. In a costume that isn’t yours. Christ, Karli. 

Honestly, I’m really fidgety because all I want to do is watch Shadow and Bone, because the entire series has been out for nine damn hours--I could’ve watched it all by now--but I’ve been busy, and I promised I’d watch it with somebody, and godddd.

We got a far-out shot of Walker dressed as Captain America just then, and I honestly thought it was Nebula. Anyway, offended that Walker dares to think he gets to wear that costume and follow up Steve Dumbass Rogers. Uh-uh.

GOD I just want to watch Shadow and Bone. Christ. I’m desperate. it’s on my Instagram, it’s on Tumblr... that’s it, but oh my God. I so hope it’s good. If it’s bad I’ll literally be distraught.

Oh, thank god. It has 94% on Rotten Tomatoes. Good.

No. Christ. God, I just want to watch it.

Screw it. I’ll finish this episode tomorrow. Byeeee.

Okay, I’m back. I watched all of Shadow and Bone. Let’s keep going!

So I did get about halfway through, yesterday, bar credits, so there’s that.

I love the symbolism of the new Falon/Captain America costume, but that doesn’t stop it from being really, really ugly.

Appreciate the speech about society being screwed up.

Why are they showing the prisoner transport? Something’s clearly going to happen. Did they just blow up the prison van??

And Walker got a new costume. That’s concerning. Give me the name, honey. US Agent. That’s bullshit.

So it is apparently his actual comic book name, but it’s still terrible.

And it said Captain America and the Winter Soldierrrrrrrr. Which is already a film. I mean, the film doesn’t have ‘and’ in it, but still. Anyway. Positive symbolism. Shall we check for a credits scene?

They’re pardoning Sharon. Huh. Nice.

There’s something ominous at play here. Great, so Sharon really is a villain here. That’s fun. 

And that, my friends, wraps up Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I didn’t enjoy it as much as WandaVision, partly for the mystery, but mostly for sheer tone--this was much more your typical darker action film, where WandaVision was more light-hearted, even towards the end.

Regardless, this was a really interesting addition to the MCU, though may not be worth it if you’re not already invested.

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 6

Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:

Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.

Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.

And so, the journey continues...

Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...

Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.

“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”

“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”

“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”

Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.

Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.

Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.

The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.

“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”

On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.

“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”

“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”

“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”

“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”

“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”

“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”

And so, they both just kinda... stand there.

“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”

Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.

“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”

“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”

“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”

Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.

“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”

“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”

“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”

It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.

“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”

Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.

Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.

It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”

Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.

Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.

“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”

“this is the last straw.

i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”

“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”

“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”

The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.

“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”

“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”

Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.

“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”

“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”

I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.

This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.

Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.

“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”

“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”

“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”

“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”

“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”

“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”

“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that

i...

i larp.”

“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”

“.....................................im super into realism.”

“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”

As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.

“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”

“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”

“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”

Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.

“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”

“a westaboo?”

“westaboo?”

“did he just unironically say westaboo”

“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”

“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”

Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...

“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”

“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”

“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”

“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”

“sure!”

“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”

“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”

“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”

“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”

“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”

“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”

“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”

“for the cause!”

“yes hibiki... for the cause...”

Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.

Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.

“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”

“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”

“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”

“HOLY SHIT”

“you are already”

“dead.”

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 12 - Candy Page 18

==>

Time to see what all the fuss was about Page 18.  We’re with Jane... that might not be good.  Especially given Lollipop proximity.

Jane scoffing at troll genocide again.  :(

Gamzee seems more woke than Jane here.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?

Pfffff

Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous buffoon.

I dunno, he sounds like he’s being pretty goddamn ingenuous right now.

It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation?  Are they black with each other or something??

What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.

Oh my gosh she’s genuinely black for him, hahahahah

GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

Jesus christ that’s not the kind of metaphor i want to be hearing from canon

or anyone for that matter

JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting clown baton ever again.

....yyyeah, context is showing she’s PROBABLY super Black into this.  Still, pretty jarring to see a clear consensual “NO” right in the middle of things.

Quit calling her a dairy queen!!! D: D: D:

Oh god they named the baby Tavros.

Alright, there’s some grade A discomfort in this scene, which I’m enjoying, really.  I can see why they singled out page 18.  I could traumatize some people with some of these paragraphs out of context.

HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!

Eeeeuugh

JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going? JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for it JADE: all of us together... it really is the best of every world

God damnit Jade why are you obliviously torturing them????????

You could’ve been REALLY GOOD for them both if you just FUCKING LISTENED TO THEM AND RESPECTED THEM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THEM.

JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a regular baby together because im... JAKE: Whats wrong? JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb stuff its done some things to my body JADE: like merging with bec mostly

Oh my FUCKING GOD please don’t canonize this.  This didn’t need to be spelled out so-- D:

jesus

D: D: D:

This... is actually making my stomach roil again????

like

not because id object to-- i mean, it’s one thing to deal with

FAN SCENARIOS

ISOLATED divergences from canon where she has to deal with that and its kind of hilarious, but can be safely ignored when it comes to her character arc as a whole

but once its CANON????????   D: D: D:

suddenly you can’t IGNORE the full import when you’re done with, like, an RP or something, of the psychological struggle she would be forced to deal with given an abnormal biological situation.  Instead of thinking “Oh, that could be pretty painful to deal with! Let’s explore it temporarily for fun” it becomes “Oh, that would be painful to deal with and you have to think about her having to deal with all the complications of that whenever you hear about her LITERALLY FOREVER.”  D:

andrew i know you couldnt resist because of how funny and practically-xenoprogressive it was but whyyyyyyyyy did you have to canonize that WHYYYY

Now instead of a fun joke thought it also has to be SAD FOREVER

AAAAAAAA  D’:

i dont know why this would be the line thats crossed to upset me

Rose surrogate?

JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this scenario!

Pffffff.  Andrew’s just diving RIGHT into the, er, doggy fanfics here.  I should... TRY to lighten up about this.  Try.  D:

(...wait, shit.  Knowing my friend, THIS whole bit is why they alluded to this page.  God damnit.)

[[ EDIT:  askshenhibiki said:

Now that you read Candy 18, flash back to Meat when Roxy is talking about gender... and look at Jade's reaction looking at "where her hands rest on her lap". Yes, Meat hinted at that "mix" too.

Ah, let’s see...

ROXY: and so i got to thinking ROXY: what even is gender ROXY: amirite lol? JADE: oh yeah JADE: that makes sense i guess........

Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.

...yeah, guess Dirk at least had the decency not to spring all that on us before Jade got the opportunity to do it honestly. ]]

Guh, back to Jake suffering in his sad, trapped scenario.  I hope THAT gets at least resolved by the end of this.  Someone save Jake from this, because it looks like he’s not really that capable of saving himself?

==>

Dammit, Jade, I’m cringing at these descriptions of your intrusion.

Oh wow, John went for the mustache.  Guess we knew that from, like, his stuffed statue oldself?

Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.

D:  D:  D:

Seriously, Jade, how is what YOU’RE doing any better than what you were frustrated at seeing THEM doing, avoiding the real feelings and truth of anything even if it was conspicuously on body-language display?

KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.

It’s like Andrew wants us deprived of even a happy imagined future for Earth C on top of everything else!!!  What the hell! >:(

Is this about politics?  Is Andrew just venting his anger that the Orange Guy is going to get away with ruining everything forever??  Because as understandable as that is, he could at least give us some imaginary happyfutures to look forward to.

Reading on... Hm, yet another intentionally-misused fridging reference.

KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

Yep, that triangle’s fucked.  Wonder if the conversation’s going to transition to the CURRENT triangle’s problems...

...yeah, John using the R word there isn’t far from the fucking truth from the looks of things.

JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave

She takes in a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. Her hair spills around her face when she leans forward to put her chin on her knees. Dave and Karkat exchange a look that is equal parts confused, miserable, and desperate.

Oh SHIT.  Is JADE going to be the one to finally vocalize about the problems here???

Something else comes hurtling out of the hole in the sky, too fast for Jade to catch. It hits the ground with a clap of green lightning. The collision sends a geyser of dirt, rock, and vapor into the air. Dave flash-steps to shield Karkat. Jade doesn’t move, taking the brunt of the explosion face on, using her abilities to warp the energy around her so that she’s a mote at the center of the storm. When the dust clears, she’s the first to jump in the crater, trailing smoke behind her.

There’s a body at the center of it. The torso is bloody, tangled, and curled into a fetal position. Its shoes are missing, but otherwise the outfit is quite familiar to her: it’s a dead ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.

JADE: its... JADE: ME???

Okay what the FUCK.  It sounds like there’s going to be some context for that postscript after all.  Something to bridge the gap between when that 16-yo Jade falls into the singularity and when Aradia goes off with her through a wormhole

I’m going to guess up front that this happens BEFORE the postscript... this younger version of Jade fell into the black hole and came out in THIS alternate timeline, possibly rather changed by the experience.  But then again, the way the sky opened up... actually, couldn’t that be just a “natural” manifestation of the black hole abilities encouraged by Calliope or done by the singularity alone, followed by later in the Postscript this Jade actually getting control of it??

And... reading on, from the sound of it, her eyes aren’t black yet, either.  Sounds like that’s to come, before the postscript.  Question being, is it alt!Callie black eyes, or some black-hole-powers visual manifestation?  Wait, never mind, I misread; this teenage Jade-corpse has NOT opened their eyes yet, so they couldn’t possibly tell, and the stuff about them “shaking” was about the adult Jade standing over her.  Never mind.  Let’s see which timeframe this Jade came from.

Also STOP TRAUMATIZING ADULT JADE ON SCREEN ITS NOT OKAY IM SICK OF IT ANDREW

==>

Page 20...

Stop letting babby not!Vriska bully babby not!Tavros.

Hm... same stupid tooth poison?  No, Jade didn’t get hit with a tooth... so it’s more getting hit with shards of spacetime and spiraling down a black hole.  Also whatever alt!Callie did to just barely keep her alive.

Hm, so the Heart stuff falls apart if you’re too separated from the mass-whole at Light’s center?  That’s certainly a hypothesis at least.

ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral lmao

ROXY WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A VAGUELY ROXY-LOOKING LMAO-ZOMBIE.  WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL ROXY GO.

And where the fuck is Calliope anyway, she’s just being left in the dust and nobody’s even talked to her from the looks of it.

Hm, cut apart by political differences, this group...?

ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok

ROXY WHO REPLACED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE

ROXY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER PLEASE GIVE US AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU’RE ACTING NOTHING LIKE THE COOL SMART PERSON WE READ ABOUT.

JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?

Oh my god you asshole don’t blame DAVE for this >:(

ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like its the end of the world!

I don’t want to think this has anything to do with Aradia, but we DID see her in that postscript bit...  And, I mean, what the hell could she even do??  It’s not like this Roxy is just Aradia in really convincing cosplay or something.

==>

She leads John and Jake into the building and down the center of the nave, humming happily to herself the entire time. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind her, carrying a bouquet of purple flowers.

Well there’s Callie. What is WITH these hypnotized motherfuckers.  I need a revelation on these shenanigans STAT.

What is with people being bathed in light here?

each time we witness death, we fall in love in with the important people in oUr lives all over again.

Calliope is gazing at Roxy with glassy eyes. She sniffs as she plucks the last petal from her rose. A breeze washes through the cathedral from the crack in the door at the end of the room, brushing the petal off-course and causing it to get stuck in Roxy’s over-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out with a visibly shaking hand to remove the plant offal, but she does not draw back. Instead, she lets her hand graze down the side of Roxy’s face and cup her cheek. Roxy puts her own hand over Callie’s and holds it.

Uhhh.... huh.

So.

If Roxy was just lying to herself, then............ WHY??????

John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.

Is John realizing he’s in some sort of fanfic drawn by another character, hence all the people in serene lightbeams at tender but unjustified moments?

Everyone whips their heads around to see, of all people, Aradia hovering in the foyer

Pff

(...I hope Aradia didn’t come here, like, from the postscript.  Where the “action” she talked about might have just been this corpse party.  Because that would be pretty fucking lame.)

KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.

Pfffffffffff

The description of Human Jesus we all had in our hearts, but were too afraid to voice.

Alright, now we see the body we took our eyes off of.  Is it going to get back up, or did it escape earlier?

since nobody was willing to dislodge the huge, otherworldly shard from her chest

My damn god, people.

...alright finally, everyone’s talking.

JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow.

JANE STOP BEING A XENOPHOBIC BASTARD

CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason. CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end. CALLIOPE: after that yoU can argUe all you want.

...Huh.  Huuuuhh.  What the fuck is all this for.  Are you saying ROXY caused this? Or...?

Okay I like this reinforcement she’s making in her speech about how different changes can influence how all of this unfolds, gives me hope that maybe these two cliffhangers aren’t all we’re going to be left with and we’ll be able to at least think of an IMPLIED future different from them if we wanted to like we thought about the seemingly-infinite-possibility original ending of Homestuck that I’d rather have been stuck with than this oh god breathe boots

okay there’s the labor going into good distraction

alright corpse get back up

JADE: i am not jade.

Right, so like the black eyes in the postscript suggested this is more just a... vessel for alt!Calliope now?  To give HER a future beyond the one she sacrificed for that black hole business?  And between alt!Callie’s became-the-black-hole nature and Jade’s Spacey Green Sun connection that’s been singularified, she has access to cool Black Hole powers?  And is gonna do cool shit with them in implied future adventures we won’t see while Aradia gleefully watches the carnage?  Huh.

The congregation watches her go, but no one moves to help her, or even looks in her direction. In her wake, she leaves a primal, echoing wail.

Oh my god why wouldn’t they have just a brief discussion or something IT’S NOT THAT BAD  D:

JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you, JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am meant to be.

Well fuck.  So she just disconfirmed this timeline as... something.  Relevant, possible, I dunno.

JADE: and i have entered this body to protect your world.

Okay that’s good.  So thanks to alt!Calliope these side timelines where things unfolded differently MAY be preserved.  Pretty fitting given alt!Callie’s origins.

.......unless there’s some other stupid interspecies civil war threat that she’s going to be fighting too, here, when the political situation falls apart.  Dammit.

==>

Terezi talk Terezi talk

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began raining down everywhere.

Oh my GOD.  So alt!Callie kind of “saved” all the doomed ghosts that got swallowed up in the black hole by redirecting them all to THIS UNIVERSE and timeline???????

That’s pretty interesting!  Heck my stomach’s even calming down!

they can’t even be judges! TEREZI: G4SP

Yeah that’s pretty terrible!

...yep, the resistance WOULD put him in charge.  I had a feeling it may have ended up in that direction in Candy since it wasn’t in Meat.

--oh FUCK YOU Jade for splitting up what he had with Karkat before they could sort it out!!! You did the OPPOSITE OF HELP and neither of them are going to end up happy thanks to you! D:<

PFFF wow, John’s so concerned about babby not!Tavros’s living situation that he’s considering legit kidnapping.  That means things must be pretty fucking bad.

--okay Calliope’s still out and about with Roxy instead of being cooped up in her room like in the other timeline, that’s good.

Pff, trying to redeem Ghost Eridan in front of Ghost Feferi.  Yep, that’s Gamzee.

GAMZEE: fIrSt, A LiTtLe RiGhTeOuS sPlAsH oF tHe NaNnA nEcTaR tO cLeAnSe ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...

Gamzee takes out a baby bottle and flicks it, covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.

Jesus.  Fucking.  Christ.

I don’t want to believe that what’s in that bottle is what he’s making it sound like it is, but OF COURSE it is.  Why would it be anything else.  I bet there’s not even any Lifey hypnosis going on, it’s just the literal stuff.

The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead.

Jegus fuck stop going whole hog condesce janey

ROXY: lmao you worry too much ROXY: janeys got her head on straight shell show you yet

ROXY.  WHERE DID YOUR BRAIN GO.  I MISS IT.  YOUR BRAIN WAS THE BEST FUCKING PART OF YOU.

Touching photo.

Alright lemme post split.  I haven’t gotten as far as the last post plowed through since I’ve been typing so much... ah well.

[theoneicelady]

This is some weird ass reflection I made about an oc

Id recommend you dont read it

Im just posting It cause Tumblr seems great for keeping stuff when my phone is ass

[21/7 12:27] : You know, its quite interesting

Its not the first time Im in a position like this

The first time, he wanted me to die, just because I was there.

The second time, he wanted to never let me go. And I stayed, and it was worse for everyone. It wasnt love, It was just.. guilt. And manipulation.

This time, well this time I really did die for him. There was guilt, theres manipulation..

And I think Im gonna stay, too. I guess some things never change. I guess some people never learn.

Except this time, I think it must be love

[21/7 12:36] : Thats how it works isnt it?

I cant really explain

And if so, love for what?

For humanity? A humanity thats already condemned.

For the ~friends aka the group of cheaters and liars that couldnt stop trying to fuck eachothers lives up for a second?

For..for him? The guy that couldnt stand seeing me prosper for once even if It was as a TRIBUTE TO HIM. That gathered everything bad in his life and took it out on me, who he was suposed to ~love,

[21/7 12:36] : He who took my fucking life

[21/7 12:38] : He who I still try to see sometimes

[21/7 12:38] : Why do I even do that

[21/7 12:38] : Why do I even do any of this?

[21/7 12:43] : Guardian angel? Fuck off is that what the destiny forces me to do? Didnt work too well for any of us did it

Im not a kind floating entity that can do no wrong and suffers for humanity and the mistakes of others Im not an angel I dont know what the fuck I am

Im just a generic-as-can-get girl who had the misfortune to

[21/7 12:43] : .

.

.

.

[21/7 12:43] : Im tired

[21/7 12:44] : And yet I have more energy than Ive had in years

[21/7 12:44] : Heh

[21/7 12:44] : Love they say

[21/7 12:45] : Those voices in my head

[21/7 12:45] : I guess I really cant change

[21/7 12:45] : Even if I dont know if this is who I am

[21/7 12:57] : Now this just for the record since I am writting down my thoughts

"I think,, one thousand of me is hoping that he can change

At least his mind, you know?

He seems lonely and always bored and

I wonder who I am to him. Not generally but, on the times we hang out for hours

I- that- .. Ill never tell him but I really want to believe thats not just to add to my paranoia. That would suck.

I was gonna say maybe its more than 1/1000 but no. I know. It really is just that much that has hope.

Why do I do it then

Well I think the sad truth is that deep down some of that desolate, tired part of me just..wants to be with him. And pretend nothing happened or that it wasnt a big deal.

I could say its so that wherever he is if It can reach him he can have peace of mind

But no... I think Im doing this for me. Just like how funerals are for the alive, you know?

Its as close as Ill get to being with him again. Even if its just his body. Even if its all just pretending.

[21/7 12:59] : I m not even sure if I can feel anymore

So what would it matter if all the feelings were fake?

[21/7 13:00] : Who would be there to notice

If I am not

[21/7 13:01] : . .

.

[21/7 13:05] : And then, It comes

I am suposed to keep fighting and kinda triumphantly win at the end

But that wont bring any peace to him and, I can bring mine at any moment

Would I be calm? No

But, what is peace of mind when ones dead

Just some more despair to transcend my corpse and be thrown into the void

With my luck it would reach him but well what else could I do

[21/7 13:05] : ..than bring peace to at least one of us

[21/7 13:05] : Its not like everyone else has too long left anyway

[21/7 13:07] : Maybe I should try to rest while its lonely; lest I be dragged into another eternal curse once everyone else falls

[21/7 13:09] : Then, finally, we cant ignore the rest, biggest part of the motive which is, I would guess, the burning fury against all thats happened

[21/7 13:10] : That for once, and unlike in real life, It has one and only one culprit, Who caused everything and onto whom to discharge the anger

[21/7 13:12] : Of course this is also an illusion for in that anger I try to hide the pain of who it was that caused him and what I did to elicit it

[21/7 13:15] : Which makes everything even more tragic cause as everyone would agree both that and her were not deserving of what came

Then theres also the other girl who while being an awful human being could not possibly imagine what her actions would result in for us and possibly the world

Obviously she is not at fault for all of this even if she was to blame for starting this awful spiral of pain

[21/7 13:22] : But, back on track, theres so much anguish burning inside that trying to take it out on someone that can not be hurt and looks like the lost lover is just asking for things to go wrong

Since he can not feel could it be that I am harboring the storm that is the feelings of b/o/th souls?

Cause that would be fucked up as fuck and I cant take all this torment for something that is, in all levels of reality, false

[21/7 13:27] : I am too calm at the moment to bring out the real rage iside

And since its the most usual and easy to replicate emotion I think its easy to conceive and will be leaving this here for today, hopefully not forever.

Unless a wet-with-tears rant of rage comes that needs to vent I probably wont get back to it.

I am waiting for it I just really dont want it to visit.

[21/7 13:27] : Goodbye~*

[21/7 13:29] : https://youtu.be/hRBOnA0ak4w

[21/7 13:31] : Then again maybe we're all actors in the roles we have to play and until those days come we're all just lonely and trying to live the weird ass alternative version of Life we're cursed with

[21/7 13:33]: I wont try to make Fear misunderstood and a product of his upbringing uwu for a second but his existence IS different and I see how that could cause things

[21/7 13:42] : God this is such a bizarre experience this is horrible

Like yeah Im here simpathising with my (& my bedt friends) murderer hanging out and carrying a encarnations of Life/death type relationship while I also have to fight and like trick him into dying in the distant future OH and he also likes to psychologically torture me and my friend and we're suposed to have this friendly at odds, lanzando pullitas kind of thing but god dang it this is too much holy god the only way to not go mad is not caring

AND I KNOW HIS OBJECTIVE IS TO DRIVE ME MAD OR MAKE ME QUIT

AND I KNOW in his description by the author a whole part WAS literally "hes the result of being raised without love" BUT HOLY FUCKING FUCK SHIT man WHAT THE HELL

This is worse than stockholms syndrome cause its all from hIS body and I dont fucking

Like

I just

This would never in a millions years work like this if it wasnt HIM and ME and THEM and GOD DAMN this is a weird fucking thing to attach my existence to FUCKING GOD

-

Its nice to have an hyperfixation again and It being so unique? Omg. I probably wouldnt be able to be without it (one) no its not worrying its just nice -

Justo después fue la warner

And now, like a week after this

I just saved his fucking life

Sympathise? Lmao

Of course he lied about what I was doing but, I KNEW It wouldnt be good

Did I just make him inmortal. I fucking think maybe.

But he said he needed my help ah

Also when I freak at how cute he is he goes torture my so like a child le somethin

Ay lmao what the hell