#but yeah this took me a good min to write. i appreciate it if ya read it all

[dogboyautism]

i wanna add on but it got kinda long so ill put a cut. i spent way too long on this (> an hour) and its a bit messy but i gotta stop addin to it

i do think the game continues without the player, but im not sure to what extent, and im not sure if its specifically stated. sans mentions timelines keep resetting even if you havent reset the game at all. i think this could mean either: 1. sans is aware of all timelines, but cant distinguish between the resets of a single player in all the resets hes aware of, 2. the game does continue without the player, as in frisk and/or the monsters run around the underground without you, but loading a save counts as a reset, or 3. (my personal fav) the game continues past the [neutral/pacifist] endings, but if you load a save/reset after the game has ended, sans knows this and just has to deal with that..

i do agree that sans and gaster may have worked together in some form. gaster is an enigma, we know next to nothing about him or sans for that matter (it honestly reminds me of spamton, but im not sure if i really have a point there). we do know that gaster was the previous royal scientist before alphys, and that he fell into the core which seemingly erased his existence from the minds of everyone in the underground (link for W.D. Gaster's wiki page, where this is mentioned). sans uses weapons called "gaster blasters" (thats its sprite name), and has a workshop (wiki link) where you can find a broken machine, blue prints, and two accessible drawers (+2 inaccessible ones).

its hard to tell what the machine is bc its covered, and the blueprints are also apparently hard to read, being written in symbols (wingdings are symbols rather than letters). it can be made out that the prints are for a machine though, so something has to be legible there. interesting point: alphys is also said to have bad handwriting, and was theoretically a scientist along with gaster. im either thinking it was sans, gasty, and alph that wrote the prints, or it was just sans, and they all got shit handwriting lol.

moving on to the drawers, one just contains a badge, maybe a lab id, but thats it. the other one is far more interesting, the contents change depending on things the player did, im just going to list all of it; a photo album with pictures a happy sans with of people the player doesnt recognize (always shows), a photo of you and all the friends youve made in the underground (after the pacifist ending), and most interestingly, a photo of '3 poorly drawn, smiling people with the words "dont forget" write in lowercase' (only found in a later update, after the player talks to clam girl and learns of a character names suzy). who the people are is up for debate, we got no descriptors, but we do know two things. 'dont forget' is deltarune's ending theme, and sans always talks in lowercase.

so i do think the two worked together, and i also think you got a point with the splash zone thing. sans and papyrus dont really have a background, the snowdin shop keep mentions they just kinda showed up to snowdin one day, no explanation:

this might be a stretch, but it could be bc no one remembers that about them. i personally like to think gaster was apart of the skeletons' family somehow, and gaster falling into the core fucked his family up as well. comic sans, papyrus, and wingdings are all fonts used by the three characters, there was a cut song named grandpa semi (mentioned on gaster's wiki, also the brothers are apart of the serif font family), and toby tweeted early concept art for pap (link goes to tweet) thats mentions he "has a brother named comic sans" "and a ___ named ___" in redacted text. i do also wanna point out, 'times new roman' (nother font) also appears on the paper; it may have been just what came mind before papyrus (there is a note to the side, in all caps, like how pap speaks referring to the name as a parental figure) but its not redacted like whoever the other note mentions is, its just crossed out, but still readable. there is also a redacted character sprite in a test room that only says "redacted" in wingdings when spoken to (also mentioned on gasty's wiki)..

it may also prove interesting to bring up; there are two entry number 17s for the true labs section, both are inaccesable in game. one appears to belong to alphys, where she states how monsters cannot handle determination like humans can, and that monsters with too much of it results in the amalgams. the second is entirely in uppercase wingdings, and it reads as follows:

i like thinking that^ refers to deltarune, connection made in the beginning. sans always wants to go back to something, and my original thought was back to the world of deltarune or even the dark world. hell, there may end up being truth in that, well have to wait and see, but for now i just say he wants to go back before the core incident, back where all those friends of his were. he wants to go back to where he was happy.

gaster however, seems to want to go forward. hes described as brilliant (by his followers), he created the core, hes persisted even thought he fell into the core and was "shattered across time and space" (again, said by a gaster follower), and now whats he up to? he talks about darkness growing, which is the main plot of deltarune..

that also brings up a similar question weve had before, who are the two people gaster is asking opinions of? does that mean gaster was in sans' picture, meaning it might refer to sans and alphys? or could it be the player and vessel of deltarune?

it seems like were just gonna have to wait and find out, unless the skeletons are end up a big joke about internet theories and all that, haha god i hope not

Broke: kris hates the player character, is depressed and feels like a puppet on a string

Woke: kris and the player are both 2 halves of a single brain cell and they opened a dark fountain just to keep the player coming back

WAIT WAIT WAIT WHILE THIS IS FUNNY I ACTUALLY HAVE BIG THOUGHTS ABT THAT LAST PART

I DO THINK THAT KRIS OPENED UP THE FOUNTAIN NOT TO CAUSE THE ROARING, BUT TO MAKE SURE THE PLAYER COMES BACK

ok so basically I think the player is keeping Kris alive, which is why Kris puts the soul back in after taking it out and why they move like that. But like... if there's no problem to solve, no game to play... then the player does not open the game, and does not control Kris. SO. kris has to keep making problems to make sure the world is interesting enough for the player so that the player keeps them alive until they can finally get rid of the player.

either that OR kris is possibly aware of when the game shuts down. i think this might b because i remember sans saying something in undertale about how he FEELS it when the game resets. he remembers. but then again he also said that like... when you weren't playing the game it continued...? which is why resetting and opening a new game after completing pacifist to do genocide is the worst thing you could do. if someone could provide evidence tho id appreciate it bc all my memories from undertale are years old.

[sunsumu]

Surprise!!

Inarizaki x Team Manager!y/n

Genre: fluff scenario

a/n: someone sent in a birthday req for inarizaki, i think they deleted their req tho ))): anyways today is (or at least in my time zone) is their birthday! i kind of rushed this because i didn't really know what to write..BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!! happy birthday!! sorry this is kinda of late. i didn't really get specific with the present y/n gets or the cake she eats because you guys can substitute it with what you like. this isn't my best best work, but i tried..anyways hope you enjoy!!!  -admin oli💫

“She’s turning the corner annnnnd.....SHE’S GONE! Alright guys, what’s the plan?”

It was their manager’s birthday in two days, so the team decided to plan a surprise party for her. They wanted to show her their appreciation for all she’ve done for the team.

“So Osamu will make the cake, we already got permission to keep it in the teacher’s lounge. The rest of us will do the decorations,” Kita explained.

As he continued he looked up at Atsumu.

“Atsumu, you have the most important part, you think you can handle it?”

“Pfft I can handle anything ya throw at me,” Atsumu answered with a confident smirk.

“You can’t even do ya own laundry without mom hollering at you ‘Tsumu,” Osamu said.

“Oi no one asked ya, ya ugly piece of shit!!”

“We have the same face dumbass.”

“You think I’m the dumbass?? What about-“

“Can both of you shut the fuck up??” Suna interjected. Hearing the twins bicker usually amuses him but this time it pissed him off.

The twins stopped fighting when they saw the look on Kita’s face.

“Anyways, Atsumu you will have the job of distracting y/n until we give you okay to let her come in.”

“Easy, I’m her favourite ya know.”

The whole team stares at Atsumu with disgusted looks on their faces as Atsumu gave a pleased, closed eye smile.

“I knew he has an ego but I didn’t know it was this bad,” one of the members whispered.

“Alright! Let’s do this Opperation y/n is now under go.”

“You’ve been watching too many spy movies, Aran. It’s making you meta,” Suna pointed out.

“Shut up eagle 2.”

Osamu makes eye contact with a make believe camera.

“People think Aran is the mature one but he’s lowkey a geek.”

“Where the fuck are you looking at and who are you talking to-“

“If you’re asking me Osamu is the meta one,” Aran added.

“JUST CUT TO THE NEXT SCENE ALREAD-“

The next day, the team was on their toes. y/n couldn’t help but notice that they were acting a little weird.

They were gathered together and kept whispering to each other. They kept looking behind them as if someone was following them.

She poked her head into their little huddle.

“So what we talking about boys?”

“AAAAAAAAH!!”

“SCATTER SCATTER CAT HAS ENTERED RUN. PISS HAIR PROCEED DISTRACTION”

With that the team scattered with a few rushed “hey y/n!!” and nervous laughter. Atsumu was left standing in front of you, staring at his team in disbelief.

“Did they just abandon me?? I mean it is my job to distract her but they wouldn’t even tell me what they got her for a present...” he mumbled to himself. 

“Jeez what’s up with them? Wanna go buy some bread from the cafeteria Atsumu?”

“Huh? What Oh yeah yeah sure,” he replied distractedly with a slight pout on his face.

He followed in y/n steps toward the cafeteria.

“Well that’s weird but then again it’s Inarizaki. People think we’re intimidating but they’re kinda off...” y/n thought to herself.

She decided to ignore their behaviour for now. Maybe if she messed with Atsumu he’ll spill the beans, but right now all she wants to do is go home and sleep.

At practice things were a little off. It was shorter than usual and the team seemed distracted.

“Alright, tomorrow’s practice will begin later than usual, so you guys don’t have to come early. That goes for you to y/n.”

“Will do captain!!” y/n replied cheerfully.

The team was in an awkward silence. The guys suddenly stared up at Atsumu. It took him a hot second to figure out what they were signalling.

“OH HEY Y/N!!”

“We’re standing next to each other you don’t have to yell-“

“Let’s go to this uhh place yeah this place after school tomorrow!! Since we have time before practice starts.”

The team collectively let out a small groan.

“hmm...sure! I got nothing else to do. Anyways I’m gonna leave first, see ya tomorrow!!” y/n said tiredly.

y/n walked out of the gym to head home, where her bed is waiting.

“This place.’ Nice one ‘Tsumu,” Osamu said sarcastically.

“Hey, it worked and she didn’t question it, so it’s FINE. You try to improvise on the spot.” he retorted.

Kita grabs the team’s five second attention span.

“Okay so tomorrow we meet up usual time. Atsumu you keep her with you at all times. We’ll bring in the cake and decorate the gym,” he said.

“What about the present?” their libero asked.

“I got that. I’ll bring it tomorrow and we can wrap it here too. It would look to suspicious if I walked into school with a present in hand.” Suna said.

“What did we get her?” Atsumu asked.

“Can’t tell ya. Ya mouth is gonna run loose.” Osamu replied.

Atsumu frowned, knowing it’s true.

“Okay, we all set for tomorrow? Everyone understands their roles?”

“Yessir!!” the team answered in unison.

“Day 2 of Operation y/n begins now.”

“Shouldn’t you be saying that tomorrow?” Suna questioned.

“Oh shut up with your technicalities.”

y/n’s whole day was the same as usual, ignoring the fact that the team has been weird lately. She feels like she forgot something though. Today feels like it should be more special but she doesn’t know why...

“Hey y/n let’s go!” Atsumu called from the classroom door.

“Coming!!”

Atsumu and y/n walk out of school together.

“So where are we going, Atsumu?” y/n asked curiously.

“It’s a surprise!” he replied with a wink.

The road they walk on slowly turns into dirt. Atsumu suddenly puts his hands over y/n’s eyes.

“Oh god, I always knew you’d be the one that kills me,” y/n said with a gasp.

“What the fuck are ya on?? No, I just want you to be surprised.”

Atsumu guided y/n forward and turned her. He released his hands from her eyes. In front of her was a field of flowers.

y/n’s eyes lit up with excitement and wonder.

“WOAHH ATSUMU HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?? ITS SO PRETTYY!!” she exclaimed.

“I have my ways. I knew you’d like it.”

He winked again.

The two of them spent some time wondering the field, being careful to not trample any flowers, and taking pictures.

Atsumu’s phone went off. It was a text message from Kita.

[Captain Kita: get y/n here in 10 mins.]

[Tsumu: will do boss!!]

“y/n!!! practice is gonna start soon let’s head back.”

“awww but it’s so pretty hereeee...can’t we just stay a little longer??” she pleaded with a pout.

Atsumu chuckles, “We can come back tomorrow if you want.”

y/n eyes are lit up with the excitement of a child.

“REALLY?? YOU’RE DA BEST ATSUMU!!” she exclaimed while hugging him.

The both of them walked back to school, talking about their plans to come back to the flower field.

[Captain Kita: you can bring her into the gym]

[Captain Kita: everything is ready👍👍]

“y/n you go to the gym ahead! I need to uh go to the...restroom! yeha i need to go to the restroom real quick!!” Atsumu said as he ran off in the opposite direction of the restroom.

y/n walked up to the gym doors. She slowly opens them. She is welcomed with darkness. The lights are off.

Suddenly they flash on.

“SURPRISEE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N!!”

y/n was shocked. This was what they were doing? Planning for a birthday that she forgot she had and NOT her murder?

“oh my god...y-you guys didn’t have to,” she stuttered.

“We wanted to show you how much we appreciated you!! You do a lot for the club, y/n,” Kita replied.

“NOW OPEN YA PRESENT, I’VE BEEN DYING TO KNOW WHAT IT IS,” Atsumu yelled, kind of out of breath.

“Where did you come from-“

“Took the long way around,” he replied.

y/n takes the nicely wrapped gift into her hands. She immediately starts shaking it.

“y/n you’re gonna break it, just open it-“

y/n carefully takes off the wrapping paper. It was too nice, she didn’t want tear it up. What she saw made her so happy. It was something she has always wanted!!

“Oh my god, THANKS GUYS!! How did you know that I wanted this?”

“You’ve mentioned it a couple of times and I saw you looking at them on Amazon during our free time,” Suna answered.

Osamu turned to y/n and handed her a slice of cake, “Have some cake y/n. I spent all night baking it.”

y/n took a bite of her favourite flavour cake.

“THISHH ISH SHOO GOODJS OSHAMYU!!” she exclaimed with her mouth full of cake.

The rest of the team got their slices and sat down eating it. They were making jokes and laughing. All in all they were having a good time together. Opperation y/n was a success.

[nothing-but-kpop-dreams]

Just "friends" (Part 6/?)

Guys, I am sorry that the blog in general is pretty much inactive. Life kid if just happens now and my focus has to go to other things. I am still writing but just not as much as I was able to before. But here is part 6 finally.

All parts

It was just a regular tuesday, literally nothing special really. School was as annoying and as difficult as ever and you still haven't gotten any call backs from the job applications you did, but for whatever reason you couldn't stop smiling (well according to lisa anyway).

"Let me guess, your thinking of yoongi right now aren't you!" She teased as the two of you strolled to your art appreciation class.

"No!" You lied.

"Oh please he's all you ever talk about anymore!" She scoffed. "Hey! That reminds me, you never gave me all the details about the date you guys had!"

"Yeah i did."

"Nu uh. All you said was that you went to a movie and ate pizza"

"Cuz that was basically it. Like i said, we went to the movies, then ate pizza at his place." You said "nonchalantly".

"Gurl, i thought we were besties why are you holding out on me!" She whined. "You don't expect me to believe that's all you did. C'mon tell me, he a good kisser?" She added jokingly. 

You could feel your face burn. "I wouldn't know." You mumbled.

"What?!?" She squealed. "Y/n you can't be serious! How times have you guys met up and he hasn't even kissed you yet!"

"Ya! It's not a big deal alright. Aren't officially dating anyway." You said despite the fact that it did feel like it was a big deal.

"I take back what I said then. I feel like if he actually likes you, he would have kissed you by now."

You felt a pain in your chest. Lisa had a point. "...well he said he liked me the other night." You said softly. "Maybe yoongi didn't really mean what he said on the "date"." You frowned.

Lisa froze. "WHEN DID HE SAY HE LIKED YOU!" lisa gasped, grabbing you by the shoulders and rattling you a bit. "Y/N THESE ARE THE DETAILS I AM BEGGING YOU FOR."

"At the end of the date!" You answered only after she stopped shaking you. 

"And what did you say?!?"

"That i liked him back. But that's it. No kiss or anything just a hug bye when i got into the taxi he called for me."

"Ugh then I take back what I said. Maybe he is just like weirdly shy or something."

The both of you continued to walk in silence.

Even though lisa took back her original comment, the idea of yoongi not really liking you kind of stuck in your head.

When you think about it, he hasn't been texting you as much as before. And he isn't replying back as fast in the few times he actually replies. He said it was because he and that rap friend of his were busy recording, but that could easily be a lie.

"Um dude… what color was yoongi's hair again?"

"Blue. Why?"

"Is that him over there?" Lisa pointed off into the distance.

From her vague gesture your eyes scanned the busy ground of your campus. The guy in the subject though was easy to spot. That signature bushel of neon blue hair popped out at you and it was in fact yoongi. 

"What the fuck is he doing here?!?"you gasped and you saw him talking to this much taller guy with platinum color hair. 

"How could I know? Why don't you go talk to him and find out."

"Heck no!"

"Why not?" Lisa asked genuinely confused.

You shrugged. "Because… what if he really doesn't like me… like, if he actually liked me wouldn't he had texted he would be here and want to meet me?" So maybe you were quick to be so dramatic, but you couldn't help it. Having had the one person you trusted the most stab you in the back, maybe you were stupid to trust anyone else with your feelings.

"We won't find out unless you go and ask." Lisa brought up again.

"Why bother? Besides we are going to be late for class."

Before you could even head to the direction of class, lisa had already grabbed ahold of you by your backpack. " oh c'mon this is more interesting. What's more important, finding out why yoongi is here and quite possibly getting a better grasp on your relationship status or knowing old paintings?"

In usual lisa fashion, she didn't wait for an answer. She proceeded to "guide" you towards yoongi and the dude he was talking to.

"Lisa, c'mon please. I don't want to talk to him." You whined. " he clearly doesn't want to talk to me, so why bother him?" The last thing you wanted was another out-in-the-open rejection.

"Oh don't say that!"lisa was always the positive one. "That's probably his music friend or whatever. Besides his friend looks cute from over here, maybe I can have a shot at him!" Lisa laughed as you two were getting closer and closer.

Your nerves intensified the closer you got. It reached a point where you planted your feet and stopped moving. "Lisa I'm serious, I don't want to talk to him right now."

Lisa looked down at you with a stern frown for a long moment. She was completely silent up until- "Yoongi! Yoongi over here!" She shouted.

Immediately you looked back in the direction of the two boys only to see yoongi and his friend staring back in your general direction.

"Yoong-" your hand slapped over lisa mouth and you dragged her behind the conveniently placed tree that was beside you both. 

"Lisa what are you thinking?!?" You hissed.

"What?" She whined "innocently". "There isn't anything wrong with talking to yoongi. I just want to see how he interacts with you, that way I can advise you to put up with him or not." She justified. "Now, if you excuse me." She said pushing you away and stepped from behind the tree. "Oh yoongi!!!!"

You emerged from behind the tree in attempts to grab lisa and run, but your plans to do so were a fail.

By now, Yoongi and his friend had brought themselves to the two of you. Instead of being greeted by his usual smile, yoongi stared at you with a look of confusion and so did his taller-up-close friend by his side.

"Um… hi." Yoongi said looking between you and lisa.

"Hi!" Lisa smiled. "Nice to finally meet ya!" She stuck her arm out to yoongi for a hand shake and then moved on to yoongi's friend.

"Safe to assume this is the famous lisa you talk about?" Yoongi asked you.

"Yup." You said with a heat filled face.

"Hope we didn't interrupt you guys." Lisa said. "Y/n here just really wanted to say hi."

"Oh did she?" Yoongi smirked.

"Oh so this is your girlfriend!" The tall guy asked, causing yoongi's face to turn a pale shade of pink. "What's up? I'm Namjoon." He stated offering a handshake to you then Lisa.

"Girlfriend?" Lisa murmured to herself with a smile. "Would you look at the time! I'm gonna be late to class. Y/n, I'll just let you talk to your boyfriend and I'll save you a spot. Bye guys!"

"So, uh, y/n, this is namjoon, the one hoseok and I are making music with." Yoongi said to continue with the awkward encounter as smoothly as possible.

The three of you stood under the shade of the tree talking a bit more in depth about the music trio yoongi has been so vague about. It turns out, the reason yoongi was on campus was to brainstorm some lyrics in the library study room. Being in yoongi's place or namjoon"s dorm is too distracting for them to get work done. And it turns out yoongi is a bit superstitious and has kept the group vague as possible to try and not jinx their future. 

Namjoon however was the opposite. He was so confident in the three of them being able to sign to a company. He brought up how well their song writing process has been going lately and even offered to let you hear their latest song.

"No, not yet!" Yoongi objected. 

"Oh c'mon, she'll love!"namjoon protested.

"It's not done yet, I can always show her when we finish it."

"Aww yoongi c'mon i don't care if it isn't finished yet." You said.

"Nope" his tone was a lot sweeter directed at you. "Gotta wait."

"Well whatever, I got class starting so see you guys later." Namjoon said waving bye before running off.

"...So... I'm your girlfriend huh? When did this happen?" You teased.

"Well… bout a week ago. Hoseok brought you up and I just felt it would get them off my back faster if i just said if you were my girlfriend." He shrugged. "I hope that's okay?" He asked as he nervously ran his fingers through his hair.

Before you could answer, and arm threw itself over your shoulder. "Is he bothering you y/n?" An all too familiar voice asked.

Yoongi's face fell as his eyes landed on the tall boy by your side.

Just like back in the day, Taehyung was by your side at the mere presence of Min Yoongi.

However, unlike the good old days, it was now taehyung that put you in a sour mood. You merely shrugged his arm off and stepped away from him.

"Well if it isn't coconut head!" Yoongi smiled with fake enthusiasm. "It's been a while. You've gotten taller." He said, now having to look up at Taehyung. "I guess I should start calling you palm tree." He laughed.

These were not words Taehyung was willing to put up with. He went straight to the point and demanded for Yoongi so walk off and leave you alone. Thus causing yoongi to get feisty.

Just witnessing the interaction was like being in high school all over again. You stood "helplessly" on the sidelines while Yoongi and Taehyung went back and forth throwing hurtful remarks at one another.

"Taehyung!" Calling him by his real name was so weird. The word was so foreign to you. For years it was only ever "Tae" or "Taetae" even when you guys used to have fights. "Just leave him alone."

"Yeah palm tree! Fuck off!" Yoongi hissed. He did his best to hold himself back from yelling those words like he wanted. Considering he was on university grounds and not even a student he didn't want to make much of a scene.

"I'm not going anywhere until you leave y/n alone!"

"Oh, you want me to leave her alone?" Yoongi smirked. "I thought it was you that she hated now?" He threw back at him.

Taehyung arched his eyebrows at him. "Shut the fuck up! What would you know?" Was his response to call out on what he felt was Yoongi's bluff.

Yoongi's chest rose as a wave of confidence came to him. His eyes glared up at Taehyung and he continued to hold the devilish smirk on his face. "She's my girlfriend so i basically know everything."

"That's bullshit! Y/n hates you. Just leave her alone already."

"Oh really? Don't believe me? Just ask her yourself!"

Taehyung's eyes turned from Yoongi to yours, a look of desperation and shock. You could tell that he didn't want Yoongi's words to be true, but you couldn't figure out why. He was the one that turned you down, after all. In that moment, you knew that you had to somehow prove to Taehyung that you and Yoongi were together, and a few seconds later, you knew what you had to do. 

You didn't speak a word. All you did was step up to yoongi, pull him towards you and place a kiss on his lips.

Taehyung stood there shookth. It was understandable considering that the reason the friendship started was due to yoongi being a complete asshole to you. The look on his face was priceless.

"He's my boyfriend so leave him alone." You said blankly.

"Y/n you can't be fucking serious?" Was all taehyung could get out.

You ignored him. The kiss should have been proof enough. 

You turned to yoongi. He looked pleased to say the least. "Wanna walk me to class?"

"Sure. Bye palm tree." He smirked giving taehyung the finger before walking off with you.

-Admin Boat

[dgmagines]

Lavi, Kanda, Allen, and Cross finally seeing a romantic crush (exorcist) they hadn't seen in a good while with new and subtle but serious looking battle scars when you pay attention to them and their placement.

Oof this took more time than usual and it came out a lot longer than planned but!! here you go non!! i hope none of those are too repetitive and I hope you enjoy! ;; v ;; Also I’m gonna put it under Read more because its too long pft - Min

Allen panted below the body thatpinned him to the floor of the training room, the light above their headsmaking a halo around the other person’s head of hair. After long months of beingthrown into countless missions and minimal rest, some of the exorcists had beenallowed to return and rest- _____ and Allen taking the chance to train theirhand-to-hand combat skills.

“I win,” _____ breathed, a grinplastered on their face. They rolled over, spreading out on the training roomfloor just as how Allen was doing and closed their eyes, licking their lips and slowly trying to regulate their breathing. Allen praised all the lords thatexisted at the moment because he was sure that, if ______ had been on top ofhim any longer, his entire body would have been red and hot and red- just likehis face.

If anyone asked though, he wouldsay it was from overexertion and totally not from the fact that he gotflustered by his crush.

He turned his head to stare atthem, taking the chance to engrave each and every detail of their features intohis head while their eyes were closed. He had missed the Order sure- it washome to him in more ways than one- but he had missed ______ the most. Theydidn’t cross paths that often given their roles as exorcists in the Order so itwas nice to see his fellow exorcists when he returned home.

He sat up, glancing over at the(h/c) to ask whether or not they wanted to have a rematch when his breathcaught in his throat, his eyes glued to their stomach where their shirt hadridden up from being too rowdy. From all his practice sessions with them in thepast, he could’ve sworn that he’d noticed if a scar that big was there; it took up halftheir stomach!

“Hey,” his breath returned to himand he snapped out of his staring, vision obscured by _____ who had noticed himstaring and fixed their shirt, snapping their fingers in front of his face. Acheeky smile was engraved on their lips, a flash of amusement and a tinge ofsadness evident in their eyes.

“My eyes are up here,” theysnorted, sitting up so that they could be eye-level with the stunned Allen.

“I- Wait- What??” ______ grinned,clearly amused at his bafflement.

“What’s up? What’s on your mind?”Allen blinked, disbelief permanently etched onto his features now. Theycouldn’t be that dense could they?

“Wh-How’d you get that scar???”for a moment, Allen was sure that they would’ve asked some stupid question likewhat scar what are you talking about- just as they had done with him when theywanted to keep a secret to themselves. But to his pleasant surprise, ______laughed.

They laughed.

“It was a level three I think. Iwas trying to protect a kid and ended up almost getting torn in half-“ theylaughed, pausing before grinning back up at the boy. “-I got an earful fromGeneral Klaud and the Head Nurse for it but I don’t mind,” their grin calmedinto a smile and there was a sort of wisdom present in their eyes that Allenhad somehow always missed before- how did he miss that given his long period ofcrushing on them?

“It’s as you said, we’re here toprotect,” they smiled, finally standing and brushing dust of their clothes.Extending a hand towards Allen, they grinned.

“You don’t have anything to sayto that, do you?” the white-haired boy blinked, sighing heavily as he tooktheir hand. He gripped it tightly and, instead of being pulled up, he pulledthe down to him roughly, catching them in his arms as he held their head to hischest.

“Be more careful would ya… It’sbad enough that none of us meet each other on the field. I don’t want to comehome and suddenly find out that you’re gone, _______,” (e/c) eyes widened insurprise, their eyes pricking with tears and their heart filled with emotions.They breathed out quietly through their nose, burying their face to hisshoulder so that he wouldn’t see the full extent of their emotions.

“Yeah… That goes for you too,dumbass,”

“Heh. Of course,”

“I thought I might find youhere,”

Even under the effects of themedications they had to take prior to numb their pain, ______ was a hundredpercent sure that they weren’t hallucinating their friend’s voice. Their eyessquinted against the light streaming into the medical wing of the Order, blinkingas a dark figure obscured the lights from above.

“Hey,” the gruff voice grumbled,flicking their forehead in greeting eliciting a loud cry of pain from thedisgruntled exorcist. They growled in annoyance, eyes finally adjusting to thelight and the person’s face finally coming into view.

“So you’re not a ghost??”

“You’re hallucinating. Of courseI’m a ghost,”

“Ughh a hallucination of Cross? Imust be on my way to hell the-“

“Oi!”

“Quit hitting me!” the two yelledat each other, _____ glaring at the red-haired general. “You disappear foryears and the first thing you do when you show up is cause me pain!” Cross felt the urge to laugh but he suppressed it; instead he sighed loudly, exasperated, and ran a hand through his bangs. He fell back intothe chair placed beside their bed, leaning back as he crossed his ankles ontheir bed.

“Get your dirty shoes of the bed,General,” _______ swatted at his ankles, putting more spite into histitle than they had meant to – which caused said general to lift a brow,curious of their behaviour. “Head Nurse isn’t gonna appreciate you dirtying upher bed,” Cross hummed, complying with the order only because he owed the nursea great ton.

_____ was quiet after that,rearranging themselves on the bed while Cross studied them silently- from thecrop of their hair to the clothes they were wearing; the dark circles undertheir eyes and the tell-tale signs of healed wounds and faded scars appearingever so often on their skin. He caught a glimpse of their shoulder and abdomenjust before they fixed their clothes, eyes moving back just in time to meetwith theirs.

“So,” the (h/c) finally spoke, asort of resolution in their eyes as they stared him down. “Why are you here?”

“You’re ignoring me,” Crossstated, staring at his gloved fingers as he played with them. He could see thelook of hurt on their face but, before they could explain themselves, Crosscontinued.

“You really shouldn’t practice somuch. You tore open your wound last night, didn’t you, you idiot?” Cross threwthe question out as if he wasn’t the one who was first to apply medical help tothem; as if he wasn’t the first to rush onto the training grounds and see thegashing wound on their side; as if he wasn’t the first to see the fresh scarson their skin that, if he guessed right, would’ve killed them had it been alittle higher.

He remembered shaking so badlylast night – even though he’s seen many bloody wounds and deaths; he didn’tthink that seeing them actually get hurt would affect him to that point.

Had it not been for the fact thatthey had been friends for years and that ______ had learned to adapt hisbody language and behaviour in mind, they would have missed the shaky sigh theman let out as he fixed the stupid mask he always used. The (h/c) never didknow why he covers his face with the thing; he always jokes around that it was sopeople don’t fall for my face.

“I’m used to it Cross,” theysighed, chuckling and shaking their head and they moved to sit up- flinching atthe stabbing pain on their side. A look of disbelief crossed the general’s facebut it was quickly replaced by irritation; to which ____ waved him off.

“Not everyone can be as carefulas you. And knowing my innocence type, I can’t really leave a battle unscathed,ya know?” they shrugged, as if it was the most normal thing on earth. Crosswas silent, both irritation and mild concern bubbling in his heart. He stood,the (h/c) watching his every move as he leaned closer to them.

They thought he was going toflick their forehead again- or knock them upside the head; but he did neitherof that.

His gloved hand reached out and______ was shocked to suddenly be in his embrace, one of his hands holding theback of their head to prevent them from moving. They were stone cold for asolid minute, brain racing a mile a minute as they registered what was happening.

“C….Cross���?” they mumbled slowly,still wondering if this was the medication messing with their head- only to becertain that it was real when the red-haired male tightened their embrace,burying his face in the crook of their neck.

“Stop being reckless you punk,”Cross sighed deeply, his harsh words and his caring demeanour clashing andmaking ______ burst in laughter. They finally wound their arms around hisfigure, feeling him tense up at the foreign touch, and buried their face in hisshoulder, eyes closing to take in the moment.

“I can’t promise that one yet.But I can promise to stay alive for as long as I can,” Cross knew therewas a smile on their face and, even though his heart ached with worry andregret and mixed feelings, he closed his eyes and accepted the empty promise.

Yelling out in frustration, Lavigroaned as he messed up his hair; He was tired! He didn’t wanna write anymore!If he had to write one more page, his hand was going to fall off! Let! Me!Rest! Lavi huffed, glaring at the book he had been writing in as if it was thebook’s fault for not writing the events that he had seen.

He’d been cooped up in either hisroom or the library for days now! The only sunlight he had seen came frombarely open windows and the occasional midnight snack-run to the cafeteria- and there wasn’t even any sun at that time of day! Hesighed, stretching his arms above his head as he yawned loudly, the libraryempty of any other human being-

Or so he had thought.

“Hey,” startled, Lavi whippedaround and almost knocked over the tray the (h/c) was holding, the otheryelling out profanities in surprise as they quickly regained their balance sothat both of them wouldn’t have to go to the infirmary with burns.

“Geez, you didn’t have to attackme like that, Lavi,” they laughed, snapping the redhead out of his stupor. Heblinked, watching as they cleared a spot on the table he had been working onand set down the tray of steaming hot coffee, pouring it for the both of themand offering him a cup. He accepted gratefully, taking quick note of theircasual attire.

Seems like they’d returned homesome time ago.

“Are you still not done? Bookmantold me you’ve been at this for days,” they leaned forward, sneaking a quicklook at what Lavi had been writing; to which the man responded with a loud“Hey!” and quickly shutting the book, playfully glaring up at the fellowexorcist.

“You have to have Bookmanprivileges to read these,” he tutted, shaking his head as if he was chiding achild. _____ pouted, huffing as they leaned back and took the empty seat besidethe man. They chuckled, taking one of the cup of coffee they had pouredearlier and taking a sip from it, blissfully unaware of the scrutinizing stareLavi was sporting on his features as they mumbled a short “Whatever,”.

He’d seen something earlier- itwas only a glimpse but he knew what he saw; it was too close for him to mistakeit for something else. His brows furrowed, his body moving of their own accordas he leaned forward and pushed ______’s shirt collar back, the otherstiffening at his sudden action. They stared at the unblinking Lavi, nervesworking itself up into a mess the longer he remained quiet.

“Lavi wh-“

“What happened to your neck?”_____blinked, taken aback but also making some sense into his behaviour.Lightly, they touched the scar on their throat, swallowing thickly as theyrecalled vividly what had happened that day. Their lips trembled and theaverted their gaze, putting the cup they had been drinking away back onto thetable before it fell from their shaking hands.

“It was nothi-“

“You almost died, didn’t you?”_____ felt their breath hitch, air stuck in their throat as they stole a quickglance towards the usually playful bookman. There wasn’t a trace of a smile onhis face and the light in his eyes seemed to have disappeared; he was, in everysense of the word, intimidating.

_____ nodded meekly, shrinkingunder his gaze as their eyes started to prick with oncoming tears. They heard aheavy sigh, Lavi’s hands engulfing their shaking owns and he brought them tohis lips; pressing them to the back of their hand. He was shaking.

____ could feel his handstrembling against theirs, shaky exhales from the young teen causing the (h/c)to lean forward. They called for him gently, eyes trying to catch his as hetried to avoid their gaze. After what seemed like forever, Lavi let go of theirhand, leaning away as he wiped the tears that had accumulated in his eyes. Hemet their gaze, a trembling, nervous smile on his lips.

“I’m glad I didn’t lose you.”

Being off-duty was amazing butbeing exorcists by occupation, they had to keep both their health and theirphysical fitness at peak performance; a fine line to walk on really. Kanda wasbarely two days in bed-rest and he was already up and about; restless to gethis muscles moving and aching as they should be.

Pushing open the doors to thetraining room, he was met with the sight of a lone exorcist sparring againstone of those wooden dummies the Order kept around.

“Hey,” he called out roughly,dumping his bag near theirs. He had gained the exorcist’s attention, an arm onthe dummy to still it and a smile on their face as they met eyes. _____ walkedover to him, bending down to grab the bottle of water they had brought withthem beforehand.

“You just got back, yeah?” Kandahummed, tying his hair up as he prepared to practice. _____ was always in herewhen he wanted to train so he assumed they would be staying around or joininghim in practicing as well but to his surprise, they started to pack up theirstuff. He stared at them in curiosity, tilting his head slightly as a slightfrown formed on his face.

“You’re not joining me?” ____hummed, shaking their head as they turned their head to meet eyes with him oncemore.

“Head Nurse told me to stay offtraining or my wound would reopen so I figure I should train anyways but, youknow-” they paused, shrugging as they zipped up their bag. “-for a shorter period,” theygave an awkward grin and Kanda swore his heart melted—but amidst his meltingheart, his eyes narrowed at the tip of a scar under the collar of their shirt,disappearing from view as they stood up and placed their bag on their shoulder.

____ spoke nonchalantly, turningto the man to ask him a question when he roughly grabbed their hands, pulledthem close, and pulled the collar of their shirt away from their skin;revealing the gruesome scar he had seen in all its glory. The frown previouslyon his lips turned into a full grimace and his eyes flickered with an emotionthat the (h/c) couldn’t pinpoint.

“What did you do,” his voice waslow, menacing to some but ______ could hear the underlying worry in his tone.They averted their eyes, aware of his gaze on the old scar of a wound that verynearly killed them.

“It was…. Nothing… Just a slip upon my part,” _____ sighed deeply and closed their eyes, feeling Kanda’s loomingpresence getting further away from them.

“Ow- Hey! What was that for!” ithad been a quiet few seconds before Kanda flicked them on their forehead. Theyglared at him with him glaring back, scoffing as he turned his head away andbrushed his bangs back.

“You got cocky, didn’t you?”

“I di-“

“You know what, doesn’t matter.You need to train with me today. I can’t help you if you get distracted on thefield like an idiot,”

“Hey! I’m not an idiot! And I’msupposed to rest!” Kanda groaned, rolling his eyes as he became more and moreirritated at the thought that he could’ve lost them. They could have beencremated and he would have no idea. What a messed up world huh?

“Fine! Whatever! After yourecover then!” the exorcist snarled and ____ couldn’t help but laugh.

“You care for me, huh Kanda?”Kanda paid them no mind – though the telltale signs of the tip of his earsgaining colour was all the answer the (h/c) needed. He huffed, moving to thecentre of the training room to begin his routine as _____ stayed and watchedhim for as long as he would allow. Heaven knows he doesn’t like when peopleonly watch him train.

[hobianchovi]

cupcake - yoonmin

the familiar bell of the door rang throughout the store, the scent of freshly baked sweets seeped into yoongi as he stepped into one of his new favorite bakeries.

yoongi did not only love this bakery for the amazingly made sweets, but because of the cotton candy haired man behind the counter that gave him kind smiles whenever he handed over his coffee and muffin.

yoongi has come in almost every day since he saw who he now knew as the kind worker, jimin.

jimin was the epitome of sweet, he had adorable cheeks he just wanted to squish, soft hair he wanted to run his hands through, and the softest most plump lips he wouldn’t mind ki-

“min yoongi!” jimin’s voice called out, signaling that his order was ready.

yoongi walked over and took his order, giving a soft, mumbled through his mask, “thank you,” then he went back to his seat.

no one else was in the shop, who would be in a bakery on a tuesday at nine o’clock, almost ten actually, when the store closes, yoongi dreaded that, even though he hasn’t spoken to jimin much he does enjoy the atmosphere with him.

“hey we’re closing up...” jimin said, coming over to yoongi, his apron was off and his hair was straightened out and he didn’t have flour on him from making cakes.

“oh i’m sorry, coming here so late wasn’t that good of an idea.” yoongi said, bringing down his mask to sit below his chin and look to jimin.

jimin smiled a little, making his cheeks poof up slightly, “no it’s okay, i just needed to lock up, didn’t want to keep you here overnight, wanna head out?” jimin asked.

yoongi nodded, this is probably the first full conversation he had with jimin, he picked up his coffee and they both headed out, jimin turning off the lights and locking the door behind him.

“sooo which way ya heading?” jimin asked, yoongi pointed to the left, “so am i” jimin smiled and they proceeded to walk together.

yoongi decided to get the courage to say something to jimin, “you know i think your job fits you perfectly.”

“what do you mean by that?” jimin asks back, “we’ll you’re really sweet and personable, and frankly...” yoongi paused “you look like a really cute cupcake.”

jimin tilted his head back in a laugh and yoongi pulled his mask over his face to hide his blush, what was meant to be a complement turned out to be a mistake, he feels like he offended jimin somehow.

“i am going to take that as a complement” jimin said, stopping at a tall apartment building, “this is my stop, thanks for walking with me!” jimin said appreciatively.

“yeah... sorry for that awkward complement it was supposed to come out nicer” yoongi said back, “so you were trying to tell me you think i’m cute?” jimin responded.

“i-uh” yoongi started, “it’s okay, i think you look cute too.” jimin laughed.

“have a nice night yoongi.” jimin said, walking into the apartment building, leaving yoongi shocked outside on the sidewalk, his coffee cup slightly shaking, he can feel the heat on his face from how hard he is blushing.

he looks down at his coffee and notices some weird writing on it, so he takes a closer look.

“min yoongi, black coffee” yoongi then turned the cup to its other side,

“you’re cute ‘min yoongi’

call me sometime xxx -jimin.”

[woojinieemoved]

Friends to Lovers!Kim Donghyun

member: kim donghyun // mxm

genre: fluff

writing type: bulletpoint

word count: 1.4k

a/n: lol im either gonna edit a bunch of my writings or just copy and paste so sorry if some look nice and some look crusty // this one is rewritten btw!

my masterlist

so it all started when you had a project in your first year of middle school

it was kinda big for a middle school class so your teacher randomly assigned people

and wow what a coincidence you got the one and only kim donghyun!!

you had no idea who he was so you assumed he probably went to another elementary school

meeting him wasn’t too awkward?? he was super smiley and spoke kinda loud but somehow you found comfort in that

ofc since you were partners for a project, you went to meet up at the library to do research

but like that ended REEEAAAAL quickly bcuz yall are too loud lol

first of all you werent even completely focused bcuz donghyun kept making super bad jokes that were funny as a middle schooler 

you’d both be laughing so fuckin loud that the librarian would have to kick you out

well ok looks like you’re going to your house to do continue the research i guess

your parents were like “omg you brought a boy home is this your boyfriend” bcuz yeah boy + girl hanging out = dating according to everyone

you looked really disgusted and donghyun looked awkward 

yall basically just met so why would you even think about that!! plus you’re in middle school you don’t care about dating yet

“guys you havent even said hi to him but you already made him uncomfortable he’s just my partner for this project we have to do in class”

even tho he felt awkward, he still kept his happy, polite self and introduced himself to your parents

since it was probably a bad idea to go back to the library, donghyun would frequently come over to finish the project

your parents grew to like him more (and so did u ;) ) and him coming over would be normal now

even after you finished the project, you guys basically became super close and you would hang out alot outside of school

every year, the both of you would be praying that you’d be in the same class

if you werent, you’d be late to your classes bcuz you dont want to separate yet

until the bell rings again then you’re dashing your ass down the hall

now it wasnt until you got into highschool where people were more serious and fuckin drastic

being the major flower boy that he is, he snatched the hearts of so many girls in school 

this means a shit ton of chocolates on the day of valentines !!

for him atleast lol

you never complained about not being able to get chocolates because he always shared the chocolates he got with you 

but like you also knew that some girl would be brave enough to call him out to confess to him

you may have accidentally walked in on some of them mid-confession

slams door open

“donghyun where the hell are you we need to get the limited edition plush at the arcade and you know damn that’s gonna take fore- oh” 

oops awkward for all of you 

aaaaanndd since this is highschool some girls are petty as hell and will be like “i’ll do anything it takes to be with oppar11!!!1!1″

so you occasionally get bullied

frequently

woops they spilled juice on your notebook

woops they thought your textbook was trash

oh no where did your bag go- its outside?? and the window is open??

it took a while for donghyun to notice that you were getting bullied by his fangirls

ok in reality he only noticed because you started to distance yourself from him because of it

dh: y/n? where are you? i thought we were gonna go to the cafe

you:  oh right sorry i had to go to the library for hw

dh: library??? homework??? ok its super obvious thats a lie where are you

you: wow can i not be responsible without being suspicious im just trying to pass highschool

dh: :/

dh: i know you’ve been lying alot lately y/n whats going on

you: well idk if youre just blind or stupid but your dumb fangirls are getting in my way and its annoying having to deal with them

dh: fangirls? what have they been doing? why do you have to stop hanging out with me?

you: ok youre just dumb...  

dh: omg are you getting bullied

you: yes you idiot those fangirls of yours are brutal

dh: y/n..... im sorry.. i didn’t see that

you: yeah i know its been happening for months

dh: well i’ll treat you to food to make you feel better so hurry and get to the park

you: but im at home

dh: you live 3 minutes away from the park

you: im already in bed with snacks and netflix

dh: ok fine i’ll come over then

you: wait get ice cream before you come back

dh: yeah yeah ok 

you wait a good 8 minutes and hear your door slamming open, your bed bouncing from donghyun whale flopping onto it

“you got the ice cream?”

he holds up the bag and says “right here”

“ok good lets make a fort now”

“why?”

you stared at him blankly 

“perfect reason i’ll get the blankets”

he gets up and runs to the hallway closet, grabbing the extra blankets your family keeps

you get up to find as many extra pillows so that you can use it to support the fort

takes yall a good 25 min to do but its worth it

you snuggle up under the fort and start to eat your slightly melted ice cream

after like 3 movies, your eyes start to get heavy since you’re warm under the blankets and donghyun’s arms

donghyun was pretty immersed in the movie so he didnt see you slowly drift off to sleep 

it wasnt until he was going to make some sort of witty comment to you about what was happening in the current scene

your cheek was pressed against his chest and your arms balled up in front of you

he smiles to himself and grabs his phone next to him to snap some pics of your sleeping face

he figured he should just go to sleep too since you arent awake to make dumb comments about the movie anymore

he closes your laptop and gently holds you to place your head on the pillow and shimmies himself to lay down as well

boom now you’re both dead asleep and snuggly

ok fast forward in time 

its your senior year and yall r kinda burnt tf out bcuz of college applications and scholarships

but wow its valentines again!!!11!

you were prepared to see donghyun struggling to carry a ton of chocolates but instead you were greeted to him holding a bouquet of roses and a bucket of fried chicken

“did someone give you chicken for valentines? is that their way of not being like everyone else and giving you chocolates”

he lets out a nervous laugh and steps closer to you

“no, but its my way of not being like everyone else” 

he holds out the bouquet and chicken in front of you

you stare at him like ??? lol ok

“wow is this finally my own gift of appreciation this year”

“in some sort, yeah”

“awwww thanks best friendddddd” you lightly smacked his arm and took the things from his hands

before you could take the time to look at the roses, donghyun grabbed your wrists and looks at you dead straight in the eyes

your heart sped up but you tried to make a joke to make it look like you werent nervous

“what do you want me to share the chicken?” 

“y/n can i kiss you” 

“wait what-”

he just goes in and plants his lips on top of yours

not too roughly tho

it was like a soft pillow on your lips and you did not pull away or complain at all

you leaned forward a bit to deepen the kiss since you couldnt really grab him or anything

cuz yaknow

ya got chicken and a bouquet occupying your hands

donghyun got the hint and hesitantly placed his hands on your hips

eventually the both of you couldnt breath so you pulled away and stared at each other

“im sorr-”

“shut up you absolute dork i cant believe you kissed me first before even saying anything” you teased

he shoved his face into your shoulder out of embarrassment and laughed

but it was all a scheme

he used that chance to whisper right into your ear:

“i love you y/n”

now its you shoving your face into his chest from embarrassment

“i hate you so much kim donghyun,...” 

me too y/n, me too.....

[bubblegumochi]

First Love was a Lie || pt. 1

credits to @jimiyoong

pairing: Jimin | Yoongi genre: fluff, future smut and slight angst warning: none!! words: 1.4k

a/n: aaa im finally posting again yay!! sorry it’s been long since i last posted my writing, school’s been busy and im packed with assignments to do… this won’t be a long series and hopefully i’ll be updating regularly! exam’s coming up in 3 weeks so i might take a break from the series halfway through, so sorry in advance! but i hope you guys enjoyed this first part (〃▽〃)

“Gah. I’m not doing this anymore. It doesn’t make any sense! It’s practically pointless.” Jimin complained as he threw his pen across the table, before plonking his head down on the table. Mathematics was the subject that he hated the most. That being said, he took no interest in any other subjects in school, apart from dance and music production.

“Come on. You’ve been stuck on question one since forever…It’s been half an hour since class started.” Taehyung glanced over at Jimin, who was now drooling over his crumpled worksheet. Taehyung shook his head in silent disapproval, giving Jimin a hard slap on the back.

“Get up, idiot.”

Much to Taehyung’s irritation, Jimin merely responded with a slight groan, scrunching his brows together.

“Tsk. This kid…”

-

The busy chattering and laughter filled the first floor of the crowded school during lunch time, and Jimin sat at the far corner of the canteen, staring blankly into the void with his half-lidded eyes. He heaved a heavy sigh, propping his chin on his palms as his lips fell into a pout.

He’d never felt so lonely ever since his best friend, Hoseok, graduated and moved to a dance academy far away in Seoul. From then on, it was difficult to go to dance class - after he had been hit with the realisation that he would probably never be able to dance with Hoseok anymore. The occasional text that Hoseok sends comforts him once in awhile, sure, but that temporary relief never lasted more than a short moment.

“Snap out of it, and get your lonely ass off my chair.” Taehyung shooed as he slammed his food tray on the table with a loud clank. Jimin grunted, pulling a chair over with his leg and moved over sluggishly.

“What’s up with you?”

“Ugh!” Jimin exclaimed, ruffling a small hand through his fluffed up hair. “Bored, bored and bored.”

“Look, I get it. Hobi-hyung’s graduated and you miss him. But it’s been half a goddamn year! I can’t say that I don’t miss him, but get over it will ya? It’s not like you can’t visit him in Seoul during school holidays…” Taehyung poked at his food with a hesitant fork, glancing over at the boy slumped over the table.

“It’s not the same without him…And it’s not just about the dance class. Everything else! I basically did everything with him. He’s my best friend, Tae. Our best friend. It’s just. So weird without him.”

There was a moment of silence before Taehyung sighed loudly, dragging the back of his hand across his lips to wipe off bits of food remnants sitting at the corner of his mouth. It was clear he wanted to change the topic, unwilling to continue indulging in Jimin’s bout of self-isolation. “Oh, that’s right.” He said, tone suddenly brighter, “Have you heard about the new kid joining us tomorrow?”

“A transfer in the middle of the year?”

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders and nodded lazily, “I guess so.”

Taking a quick glance at the clock hanging by the entrance into the cafeteria, Taehyung picked up his empty tray and clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Come on, we’ve got to get to class.”

The thought of sitting through another two hours of class bored him to death. Jimin pressed his lips into a thin line, running his stubby fingers through his unkempt hair once again, adjusting his the thick, black frame of his glasses before pulling himself up from the chair.

“Yeah.” He muttered.

Giggles and mutters filled the hallways as Jimin and Taehyung strolled passed the lockers, girls (and boys) taking quick but shy glances at the both of them before turning away quickly and squealing among themselves. Hands buried deep in his pockets, Jimin’s lips morphed into a slight smirk, almost as if he was enjoying the attention that he was getting. Well, he was. It was always an ego boost to see others appreciating his, in Tae’s exact words, poppin’ good looks.

“Wipe that smirk off your face Jimin.” Tae remarked, his mouth quirking up at the corners, “It’s not like you care to date anyone of them anymore.”

“Well, I’m not the only one they’re looking at.”

Once they had reached class, the duo settled down at their usual corner at the back of the room. Reclining in his chair, Jimin reached under his table and pulled out a stack of beautifully folded letters. Some were covered with the scent of perfume, some were topped with laced stickers, others were just plainly decorated with the word “Saranghaeyo, oppa~!” on it. Love letters. They were always mildly embarrassing, but so flattering.

“Shall add these to the pile I collected after break two hours ago, and maybe stack them in my growing collection back at home?” Jimin said half-jokingly.

“Why don’t you just throw them away if you aren’t gonna read them?”

“I read them, and it’s amusing. It’s my only source of entertainment nowadays, Tae.”

“As if. Don’t tell me you’re weren’t entertained when Namjoon broke the fridge the other day.”

The memory of Jin-hyung’s horrified expression coupled with Namjoon’s mortified apologies flashed through his mind suddenly, and Jimin couldn’t help but let out a snort of amusement. “Okay, yeah. That too.”

-

There was no reason to explain the restlessness Jimin felt that night after school. Instead of taking time to arrange his scores and working on choreographs like he usually did, he stared blankly at his computer screen. Fidgeting and tugging at the corner of his blanket, Jimin chewed on the insides of his cheeks.

“A transfer, huh.” He caught himself muttering. His heart pumped excitedly at the fact that he’d finally be able to see someone new in school. Ever since Hoseok-hyung left, he never had the chance to find anyone else that was as fun and interesting to hang out with, besides Taehyung.

Tossing his laptop to the side of the bed, Jimin leaned backwards to sink deep into his soft bed. Clutching tightly to his pillows, he took a deep breath as the scent of strawberry cream candles filled his dimly lit room. Jimin closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the wall clock ticking incessantly in the quiet room, lulling him to sleep.

-

Taehyung was surprised to see how exceptionally well-dressed Jimin was the next day. Instead of his usual I’m-an-overworked-college-kid look, Jimin strolled into class with his suede oversized sweater, the one that hung gorgeously off his delicate collarbones - one hand holding on to the loose straps of his bag while the other buried deep within the pockets of his ripped black jeans.

His silver gelled-hair was styled perfectly, and he wearing hazelnut-brown contacts instead of his usual glasses, something he usually saved for special occasions.

“Whoa.” Taehyung remarked, glancing at Jimin from head to toe.

“Why are you looking at me as if you’re seeing me for the first time?” Jimin asked, pulling the chair out from under the table roughly before settling down beside Taehyung.

“It’s just…Wow.”

Taehyung shifted his gaze back to his phone as a tall, skinny woman walked into class. Tapping of her thick heels impatiently, she waited for everyone in class to give her their attention. It was their lecturers, and one of the most boring ones, at that.

Lagging behind her was someone Jimin assumed was the new transfer student. It took a grand total of one look at him and suddenly, Jimin was so thankful he’d chosen to spend an extra thirty minutes on his appearance in the morning.

The boy who had just stepped into the classroom was just a tad taller than he was, yet inexplicably he was seemed to be so much narrower. His messy, ruffled mint-green hair framed his face perfectly - who could even pull off that cotton candy colour? Flashing a quick grin at the students in class, Jimin caught sight of the light glint of a lip ring nestled very attractively in the corner of his bottom lip. Oh, good God.

Jimin gripped onto the sides of his chair, unable to take his eyes off the new transfer. He was totally oblivious to the things that were happening around him, and for some reason, he found himself holding onto his breath. Taehyung seemed oblivious to his suffering.

The transfer introduced himself in a slow, lazy drawl that had just the slightest bits of Daegu satoori present in the ends of his words. Through the sound of his very loud heartbeat, Jimin heard nothing but his name.

“Min Yoongi.”

[lalka-laski]

The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Butter for my cinnamon toast midnight snack :) 

Do you like clowns? Uh, that’s a hard nope.

Have you answered all of these questions honestly so far? There have only been two? But yes. I’m always honest here. If I ever encounter a question I don’t feel comfortable answering, I just delete it & move on. 

Are you listening to anything at the moment? Nope, just some white noise from my fan 

Do you twitch when your falling asleep? SO much. It drives Glenn crazy but it drives me even CRAZIER because it makes it impossible for me to fall asleep again. 

Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? Clean at the moment. I think?

Are you at home or with friends more often? I’m out with friends a few times a week but that’s plenty for me. Most of my time is spent at work or home though. 

When is the last time you were on a bicycle? It’s been too long!

What have you eaten today? Just a cup of Earl Grey & now a cup of decaf coffee 

Would you date someone 15 years older than you? Glenn is 12 years older than me & I already think that’s slightly pushing it. Not that our age gap poses too many issues but, ya know. 

Do you own a strapless bra? Mhm. Well actually I stole it from my sister but I “own” it now :P

Does the person you like know it? Considering we are obnoxiously obsessed with each other & say “I love you” 12 times an hour, I’d say he knows.  

Did anything brighten up your day today? Every client I’ve interacted with has been chipper & cheerful, which is rare for this facility. So I’m having a good day so far!

How are you feeling at this exact moment? See above

Are you someone who worries too often? It’s my middle name

If you could date somebody who would it be? I’m quite happy with the man I’ve got :) 

Do you ever wonder how other people see you? I worry too much about that. It’s something I’m doing extensive personal work on, actually... 

What is one good thing you’re known for? My kindness/friendliness 

How about one bad thing? My spaciness & flakiness 

Are you taller than most? Most women, yeah

When was the last time you sang an ENTIRE song? Hm, I’m actually not sure

Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home? I’m kind of a social homebody so both? Depending on the day. But if I really had to choose between the two I’d probably opt to stay at home.

What time do you normally go to bed? Usually no later than 11 on work nights. 

What is one thing that is currently bothering you? I’d rather not be at work right now but meh, it is what it is. 

What did you do today? It’s only 9:30 am and I’m just at work. This afternoon I’m going to Barnes & Noble with Glenn and then this evening I’m going to my sister’s place & then the bars with our friends. 

What was the last thing that you drank? I’m sipping a decaf coffee right now

Is anything annoying you now? Honestly, not really. How rare!

Has anyone ever said i love you to you and not meant it? If they have, I don’t need to know. 

Do you realize it when you curse? Not always 

When was the last time you showered? I took a bath yesterday so my last actual shower was a couple days ago. 

Who did you last talk to in person? Kristen 

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? Yeah I have a lazy streak to me. Some days I really just gotta do NOTHING. 

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? Yes, because evening time is my only true “down time” and I want to extend it as long as possible. I always regret it the next morning though.

What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I watched that show from time to time but I can’t say I have a favorite.

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? Oh yes

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? Like standstill traffic? Maybe 30 min?

Best field trip experience? Going to the one room schoolhouse was really fun for me. I loved dressing up in a dress & bonnet (both handmade by my grandma). And my mom was adorably extra and packed me a time-period appropriate lunch in a woven basket. It was so cute!

Have you ever been to New York City? Just once

If so, is it all its cracked up to be? No, although I was young and maybe I’d have a deeper appreciation for it as an adult. But overall, that crammed, busy city life isn’t for me. 

What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? We spent $80 (including tip) on fucking Chinese takeout the other day. I have much regret lol. 

What museums have you visited, if any? Lots. Checking out museums are one of my favorite activiites! 

Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? I often insisted on taking over group projects because I refused to let my grade rest in the hands of slackers or idiots. 

What’s your worst traveling experience? There was this family trip to Florida that will forever live in infamy... 

Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? I never played any of them. I think I tried to get into it at one point but computer games just aren’t my scene. 

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? My current upstairs neighbors apparently have a fucking bowling alley in their apartment. They are THE. WORST. I struggle every day deciding if I should try talking to them or apartment management about the noise level. 

Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? Teachers never really gave me a hard time. Oh wait, there was this social studies teacher in 8th grade who was a complete prick. I once corrected him when he said that Africa is a country and he chewed me out in front of the whole class. I’m still angry about it! 

Best muffin you’ve ever had? Wegmans chocolate chip muffins are ridiculous, man! Ridiculous!  Have you ever taken a woodshop class? Nope. That doesn’t interest me in the slightest. 

If so, was it required?

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Probably too much. I’m trying to distance myself from it a bit. 

What area of math are you best at? Worst? All of it. Even very basic addition and subtraction can trip me up. I’ve often wondered if I have the numbers form of dyslexia or something similar. 

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It HYPES me up like nothing else.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? Our current apartment complex gets frequent visits from the local police & fire departments. At least every couple weeks there’s an incident. Usually just a small fire (burnt food, I assume) or something like that. 

Do you believe in luck? Why or why not? Kind of. You can’t tell me there aren’t people who seem to have everything fall in their lap. 

How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? Frequently. If there’s a shortcut, I’m taking it. 

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yeah for sure. 

How reliable is your internet connection? My cell service at work is pretty terrible. My wifi at home gives me little issue, though. 

Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? Yes

What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Life as a whole.

What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? I was actually good about time management during school. I might be one of the only one of my peers who never pulled an all-nighter. I prioritize my sleep!

If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them?

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? I’m looking into contacts actually because I’m sick of my glasses

How many vegetarians do you know? A few, including myself. 

Have you ever considered going to art school? Nope 

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? Yes but I won’t name names 

How quickly can you write an essay? I excel at essays but my process is a sloooow one. 

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? I’ve never actually slept in class but I have had issues staying alert and engaged. I’m easily fatigued. 

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Yeah but not any big names

If you have a job, who is your least favorite coworker/manager? Again, I don’t want to name names

Favorite episode of Spongebob? Pretty patties!! 

Do you have any silly/odd emotional connections to anything/anyone? Almost everyone and everything in my life, yeah. 

Are your parents supportive of you? Yes 

How often do you take the train to go places? Only when I’m in Canada. I wish trains were a more common mode of transportation here. 

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? Constantly 

[grokkingchair]

Pain

It’s with no small measure of embarrassment and humility that I sit down to write about what happened 10 days ago on July 24, 2017. Humility, because there is nothing more human than dealing with a broken down machine (i.e. body). 

Context: I’m working at a startup (day job), going to school part time and working part time on clients as a part of my fledgling bodywork career. This past semester (which ended last Fri), I took only 3 classes--all bodywork: two Tui Na classes and one Thai Massage. All on the same day, Friday. I was in school from 9am-9:30pm, more or less on 11 Fridays in a row. I knew that it was going to physically challenge me. I tried to keep up with my own self care, but I wasn’t doing yoga consistently and I started running (that’s an overstatement--jogging, at best) a couple miles a day a few days a week, moving slowly, carefully back into it.  

In early July I tweaked my back after a particularly challenging Friday in school (where I also had jogged in the morning before school). My glute med, glute min, and piriformis were spasming like a concrete wave. I rolled them with my alpha ball, took ibuprofen and Myocalm and kept things at bay.

In my Thai practical final on the 14th, I was worried about the size of my partner and naturally I ended up working with the largest guy in the room. Still, my back actually felt better after class, after receiving the work. But it still wasn’t quite right. I continued to self treat. And jog, and stretch.

On Sunday July 23rd I woke up with intense hip pain--tensor fascia lata, glute min, glute med and piriformis. But after take a few steps it went away. Naturally, I carried on with my day--jogged with Paco, went grocery shopping, worked on two clients. On my later client, I realized the table was too low and experienced some strain in my low back as I worked on her. Nothing new or different there.

In the evening, my back was getting more uncomfortable, so I took some ibuprofen and Myocalm and went to bed.

On Monday July 24, I was awoken at 5am by extreme pain in my right hip. I tried to walk but it was electrically excruciating--like no pain I’d ever felt before.Trying to put any weight on my legs ended with me reduced to my knees, with primal groaning sounds coming forth, autonomously, which then turned into guttural sobbing.  

(Note 1: I had been sleeping on my left side--I think both nights, Sat and Sun, thinking that sleeping on the right side would make it worse. Not sure about that now. Also, I sleep on an Ikea Latex mattress that’s about 3 years old. a couple months ago I took off the memory foam topper since it had been showing wear and was making me hot.I felt like the Latex mattress had had time to soften so it would be ok. I typically sleep on my back or side.)

(Note 2: In the course of this past week I have learned that People In Your Life think pain is pain is pain and really, you should suck it up and get on with things, you drama queen. So let me put this in perspective: I’ve run marathons with high hamstring tendinitis. I’ve run a Ragnar Relay with Achilles tendinitis.  When I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed, I experienced some nagging and sometimes electrical type pain which didn’t seem to be relieved by aspirin; went back to the dentist a week into it and was told I had dry socket. Even just a few weeks ago when we were guashaing each other in class, the triceps work was quite intense, but I let my partner continue. The next day, my triceps were a lovely watercolor of purple, blue, and black. So to be clear: dry socket--no biggie. Pain last week? Euthanizing looked like a reasonable plan if it didn’t resolve.)

Turns out, I’m really cranky (ok, mean) when I’m in severe pain. There’s only one thought in mind: 

Stop pain. Get away from pain. Find a way to have no pain. Figure out this pain. 

And with nerve pain gone awry, it’s very challenging. because even when you find those one or two positions where the pain isn’t occupying every cubic millimeter of your sensory cognition, the muscles are rippling and spasming, called fasciculating. And the nerve pain continues to radiate like you’re plugged into an electrical socket. Maybe this is what tasing feels like? 

One of my chiropractors asked me what medications Urgent Care prescribed. I told him: naproxen, methocarbamol and vicodin. To which he said: “Yeah, none of those are going to work for you.” Which I had already learned by experience. “The only thing that works for nerve pain is morphine or heroin.” So then, no relief in sight. Super. 

My meditation practice has been sparse of late, and even with 14 years of practice--most of it being in some form of physical pain, mild or otherwise (because sitting meditation hurts, people, especially when you have tight running hips)--my ability to practice with this particular pain? Ha! Yeah right!  When your electrical system is wreaking havoc on 30%  of your body, going into the pain, breathing into the pain, focusing on the breath.....fuck that. I want off this crazy ride. The pain was like, “Listen, bitch. This is all about me right now. Don’t even think you’re going to do anything else right now other than ride this out with me in charge.”

I thought about the Venerable’s urgings: Practice now! Don’t wait! Because when you need it, you won’t be able to cultivate the practice if you don’t already have it. I’m here to say:  um, yep. 

And I’ve been thinking a lot about how it’s the struggle and pain in our lives (emotional or physical) that enriches us--no mud, no lotus. I get it. I really do. This week, when the pain is more like a 5 than a 10, I’m able to be more clear-eyed about it and appreciate how much I’m learning, and how much I’ll hopefully be able to offer others by navigating (and hopefully resolving) this situation. That gives me some little flicker of joy. 

(Note 3: This experience is also highlighting how incredibly poor I am at quantifying and describing pain. For all the Vipassana meditation I’ve done, I really suck at quantifying and qualifying pain. I got: 0 - which is never, 1-9 which is every day life, from sprained ankles to broken bones to dry socket, and then 10 - which is the Fuck No level.  My theory is that I habitually deal with it so I’m not good at the nuance of it. Bodily Dissociation: 1, Lisa: 0)

In retrospect, part of my struggle with this pain--above and beyond the, ya know, excruciating factor--was the inexplicability of it. It didn’t make sense. What was the specific injury? My leg felt like it was somewhat dislocated--wires/tendons feel out of whack deep in my hip socket. But the doctors all go to “spine injury”. Sure, there was some back strain, but the pain was starting at my SI joint and radiating all around to the front of my thigh,and shooting down the leg. Since I didn’t understand it, I couldn’t fix it. 

And given the excellent medical care we have in this country (even with a “Platinum” HMO policy), I have to wait another 10 days to get an MRI (originally, it was going to be 3.5 weeks, but I negotiated down to 2.5 weeks). Never mind that I couldn’t actually walk--at all- when I made the appointment. 

I suppose on the up side, this is a great opportunity to practice with Don’t Know mind. My mind, when confronted with A Mysteriously Busted Thing, is all, “What the hell happened?” and won’t rest until it figures it out (and ideally, fixes it). Can I dwell with, “don’t know what it is”? Especially when my right lower leg remains numb and unable to reliably hold weight?

Yeah, no.  I can’t just wait it out for the MRI. I’m going to continue to see therapists, and try to get some relief. Grasping Mind: 1, Lisa: 0. 

This is rough and rambling, but I’m going to post it anyway. Pain medications: 1, Lisa: 0.