#but yeah thanks for the excuse to ramble
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How about a director’s cut for My Head Is an Animal? What made you decide to work Of Monsters and Men (and that album, in specific) into the story? How did you first get into them?
🎵 Musical Episode Talk 🎶
Fair warning, I use a *lot* of words to answer this. 900 of them to be approximate. Peek under the cut and scroll at your own risk.
There's a bunch of different angles to this so I'm probably just gonna spit them out variety show style and then maybe have them cross over at the end.
I've danced around this before but I'll just out and say it, Violet is kind of loosely based on me. Not in a Literally Me ™️ self-insert way, but I give her some traits and characteristics that I have in real life. As much as I like her, I feel like the show kinda left her blank, especially compared to how much development Lena and Webby got. I don't think the stuff I've added feels very out of place on her anyway.
I remember reading a few fics in which characters would come out to each other, and that was pretty neat. At the time I was way less out than I am now, so the only way I could really express that was through fiction. Hence, why I took the aroace Vi headcanon I already had and made a story out of it.
I'm a sucker for character playlists. Whether it's songs that tell their story, or just the kind of music they'd be into, it's the easiest way for me to get a grasp on a character. I actually do this when I write as well. Each fic has its own "soundtrack", except Dream(s) because of how short it was.
OMAM had their big hit in 2012 with "Little Talks", which has kinda lingered around ever since. I've gone through phases of loving it and forgetting it even exists over the past ten years, although it's probably never leaving my head anymore.
I pick up a lot of music from soundtracks and playlists. I'm not a big discography guy. The easiest way to get me to like a song is to attach it to something else I like (hence why character playlists do it for me). In this case, OMAM appeared in the NHL 20 soundtrack ("Alligator". Recommend it), which brought them back into my brain around 2020-21.
There was a social media post I saw while I was still getting accustomed to the whole aroace thing, which asked for songs that fit the community. Kinda similar to the aro vibes post that went around about a week ago. One of them was "Love Love Love", which caught my eye because it was OMAM. I gave it a listen, and I would love to tell you that it hit me right away, but it just didn't really. But after a few times over, it started to click. I'm not sure if this is when I listened back to the whole album or if that came later, but this was the catalyst for that.
Whenever I have panic attacks or otherwise just bad times, I listen to Fleetwood Mac. It's my ultimate comfort band. My top 2 tracks are "Rhiannon" and "Dreams", which are pretty much guaranteed to put me in a better mood. That's one of the concepts I gave Violet, as both a justification for the music and a point of conflict.
[Edit: oooh I just remembered I also did this concept in the first ever fic I wrote (unreleased) about Lena having a meltdown and Webby and Vi calming her down with a song! So I guess that makes 3x I've done that trope now]
Back to character playlists. If you remember the post I made recently about the Violet Sabrewing playlist getting wiped from Spotify, that's relevant here. It had songs by The Oh Hellos and The Crane Wives, which really planted the idea in my head that Violet would be into indie folk rock. What else is indie folk rock? OMAM!
I already liked "Little Talks" and loved "LLL", and I dug the indie folk rock vibe, so I figured why not dive into the whole album. Which is funny because I almost never do that. Not a discography guy, like I said.
You still there? Great. Anyway...
When I sat down to write "My Head is an Animal", it was originally going to be about Violet finding the song, kinda like I did. The "Love Love Love" scene was going to be the majority of it. But I felt like it was missing something. I wanted to see Violet go through the process. I wanted to show her struggling, realizing, accepting, etc. I wanted to show the full experience.
Hence, the full album. I had some ideas for where I was ultimately taking the story, but this was the most seat-of-my-pants writing I've ever done. I had the songs playing on loop as I wrote each segment, writing down how it made me feel. How it made her feel. The ups, the downs, everything.
I didn't want to just parachute in during the middle of Violet's process, because that feels like shortcutting it. But I also wanted to give closure as seen in the final cut. In reality, there's still a lot more to figure out for Vi, as there is with anyone, but after putting her through a panic attack or two, I wanted to see her happy.
Hopefully that all made some sort of sense. At the very least, it was worth writing down for my sake. And big thanks for the ask!
#ask and you shall be answered#my head is an animal dx#aroace violet my beloved#what can i say? i like writing characters who are struggling through hard times but are comforted by the people they love most#and also a song that means a lot to them personally while still carrying relevance in the situation at hand#as one does#but yeah thanks for the excuse to ramble#my autism appreciates it
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What’s your favourite Warriors book?
i’ve actually yet to read them all (it’s gonna take a while as i’m on arc 4 right now lmao), but power of three is one of my favorite arcs so far so i’d have to say sunrise is my favorite book !! i am the number one hollyleaf defender
#like yeah .. by all means she isn’t perfect#but i’d be mad if my aunt pretended to me my mom and then just. didn’t tell me#she had to find out herself and that’s fucked up !!#the warrior code was so so important to her and she found out that her existing broke it because she was a medicine cat’s kit#and that she wasn’t part of the prophecy that her two siblings were a part of as a final nail in the coffin#agh. hollyleaf you deserved so much better#ofc something else might happen with her but i haven’t read those books !! so for now i am hollyleaf’s number one fan#thanks for the ask i needed an excuse to ramble about hollyleaf !!#warriors#warrior cats#mutuals#asks
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Hi, I just wondered what your favourite part of the Fenhawke romance was? Like, a scene/moment that really made you fall more in love with him? I love your writing so much!!
Oh, that is very kind of you to say! 💗I'm glad you enjoy the things I've written. I've really been enjoying writing for this ship, especially the past few months c:
As for your question...
Man, that's tough. I have a hard time picking one thing---I mean, *gestures to all the fic* you know? But I can narrow it down to a couple of scenes/elements:
The fact that a romanced Fenris still calls you "my friend" even after the act 2 romance scene. This is just...the bedrock of their relationship to me. Yes, that night went very poorly (understatement, I know), but at the core they are friends and he trusts Hawke in a way he's likely never had the cause or opportunity to trust someone before. I believe he never stopped loving Hawke, and it was a matter of laying those feelings out and understanding them one at a time. Romantic love not replacing platonic love or eclipsing it, but building or twining together is just... *chef's kiss* that's the good stuff.
The moment during the romance conversation in Act 3 when you can see Fenris go from hoping (painfully hoping!) that there is still some way he and Hawke can be together to actually believing it will happen. There is a shift in his body language that I could watch (and...have) over and over.
The element of choice? This is not going to be coherent, but the fact that he is learning for the first time what it means to have options and preferences, and he spends a lot of time exploring and understanding himself...and after all of that, the thing he keeps coming back to is Hawke. I think it's gorgeous. A song with refrains of pain or fear and choruses of decision and hope. He's loyal to a fault, in many ways, but understanding how much of himself exists to share and then still choosing to share it is just...man. I said this wasn't going to be coherent lol, so there you are. "If there is a future to be had..." like he doubts its existence but he's willing to chance it for Hawke. Man.
But, honestly? I've played DA2 a lot of times and never romanced another character, even though I've played through multiple romance storylines in each of the other games. I can't shake the Fenris romance. Every time I open a new playthrough, I tell myself that this is the time I'm going to romance Isabela, and every time Fenris rips that dude's heart out and I just......alright, yeah. Okay. Here we go again.
#and okay yeah one more thing actually#when he is like 🥺 at hawke after he kills danarius and hawke says he isn't alone#i know people joke about it but it's about the capacity for immense violence and aching tenderness#the parallel of meeting him when he rips some guy's heart out and him being finally free to make a life for himself after the same#it's about the cycles. the repeating story#and now he is truly not hunted anymore and he can make some kind of home#could i pull this into a more coherent analysis? probably yes#but here it is nonetheless#i *do* love him actually. he is just so very himself. unbending and harsh as it is sometimes he is always himself#long post#da2#fenris#ask response#goodness this wound up longer than i'd expected#thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble anon 💗#i hate that the tl;dr of it all is just 'fenris being fenris' but. i am a simple woman
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ok so my lovely mutual @icarrymany dared me to post proof of my rock/min collection so this is his fault >:)
im not gonna go into depth on all of the samples bc 1. i dont remember the details on all of them lol and 2. it would take. forever
so instead ill talk a little abt one or two of them per section :3
first up: tumbled minerals!
i have a bunch more of these but after becoming a geology student they kind of piss me off bc raw minerals often look way cooler and tumbling removes the crystal habit (and also makes them harder for me to identify hgjhfd)
first image, from left clockwise: (possibly) blue lace agate, chrysocolla. labradorite, snowflake obsidian, moss agate, brown agate, and two samples of tigers eye
2nd image: up close picture of one of the tigers eye crystals, showing its lighter banding
3rd image: up close picture of the labradorite from a different angle, showing its pale green luster
my absolute favorite mineral ever is labradorite also!! i think its luster is gorgeous and ive heard it represents transformation and change, and i first got this sample back when i had just come out as trans :)
i dont really have a lot to say abt these unfortunately lol
anyway. next is fossils!!
1st image, clockwise from bottom left: trilobite cast fossil, tumbled stromatolite, dinosaur bone (? got this one at a mineral stall and the dude said it was a dino bone, didnt think to ask details lol), plant fossil, coral fossil, assorted fossil molds (mold as in taking the shape of something, not spores) in wackestone, mosasaurus tooth, crocodile (?) tooth, 2 ammonites, a turtle scute, a crinoid stem, and a (broken) orthoceras
2nd image: up close pic of the assorted fossil molds, which include horn corals (circular with ridges toward center, hole in middle), crinoid stems (cylindrical with ridges perpendicular to long sides), and shells
3rd image: up close pic of larger ammonite, with iridescent luster due to aragonite (a polymorph of calcite) replacing the calcite of the shell
4th image: up close pic of dubious tooth. i found this on a field trip about a year ago while looking for shark teeth. this is not a shark tooth. idk what it is. i think it might be from a crocodile but i havent been able to fully identify it lol
now.... raw minerals!!!!!
1st image, clockwise from left: moss agate, talc, serpentinite (this one is a metamorphic rock but i accidentally put it with the minerals and dont want to retake the pics. other geologists you may come kill me), two calcite samples, and a tiny topaz @ramones2 gave me
2nd pic: close up on the topaz crystal, which is light orange (if u leave these in the sun they get bleached and lose their color </3)
3rd pic: close up on one of the calcites. its crystals are a bit more squared and close-knit than the next calcite, and appear more white in color. there are also some small purple fluorite crystals mixed in. i traded with a classmate for this one lol
4th pic: close up on the other calcite. this ones crystals are more rounded and transparent.
5th pic: close up on the serpentinite. serpentinite is metamorphosed from peridotite, which makes up the earth's mantle (if youve ever heard that the mantle is actually green, that is true!! the green comes from olivine mostly, but also some pyroxenes). when peridotite is lifted up to the surface and comes into contact with water, olivine gets very unhappy and serpentinizes, or hydrothermally metamorphoses (water + some heat + olivine = cool as fuck snakeskin rock)
6th pic: another close up on the serpentinite, this time wet. you can see the serpent-like pattern a bit better.
finally: rocks :3
1st image, clockwise from bottom left: amphibolite, sedimentary rock with calcite vein (i dont remember what this one is lmao), malachite-bornite ore, iron-stained sandstone(?) with chalcedony/agate, phyllite, sandstone trace fossil of a burrow, and meteoric rock possibly with iron
2nd pic: close up on the ore, showing the malachite vein. it's almost powdery, with a gradient of light blue on the edges to teal in the center
3rd pic: another close up on the ore, showing the bornite vein. it's iridescent like an oil slick, with the main color being purple. this one is often called peacock ore for its colors :)
4th pic: . im gonna be honest i have no fucking clue bro. i think the mineral in it is agate/chalcedony (the lighter gray/white areas) and the red parts are an iron-stained sedimentary rock, but i forget if its siltstone or sandstone or smth else. idk. it looks cool.
bonus: extra pic of my rocks for further proof of collection
hope u enjoyed o7
#i finally had an excuse to ramble abt my rock collection THANK U BRIAN <333#i really should have written down somewhere what each sample was but. listen#i had. 5 different field trips for my geology classes this past semester#and half the time i didnt even ask what a rock was i just fucking took it HJFGBHD#if i really studied them i could probably figure out more reliably what some of them are#but i dont want to <3#at least not rn lol#ANYWAYS yeah#rawks 👍
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Childe design takes pretty pls 🤲 (if that's ok!!)
Weeeeeeell since you asked who am I to refuse?
Okay so, before we get into the actual takes there's two important things I need to note (bc it will be relevant) :
1) Childe is an extremely capable and dangerous soldier
2) Despite this, he is also a genuinely friendly and sociable guy
Got that? Okay moving on
Starting with his face, the most notable thing is, of course, his eyes. It's pretty common knowledge by now, but I still think it's important to note that Childe is the only character with no light in his eyes whatsoever. Everyone else has some sort of shine, or at least something that gives the seem feel as it. The dead eyes coupled with the friendly expression gives a rather off-putting vibe. Fitting, for as much as he is genuinely friendly, he also won't have any qualms cutting you down if it comes to it.
His bangs are also interesting, as the left side covers most of his eye while his right is open.
His left side is also much more decorated, with having both his earring and mask. The designs on both of these are very sharp, with a deep red color that practically screams danger. By itself, his left looks much more closed off and intimidating than his right, which is open and vulnerable.
There's also a light streak in his hair (with some other parts having it as a subtle gradient) that, notably, his brother doesn't have.
Let's move away from the face a bit now yeah?
Childe's outfit as a whole is very military, with neutral shades of gray and a dash of black with relatively simple patterns. It makes the red accents pop a lot more, especially his bright red scarf.
Similarly to his bangs, his left side here is also much more decorated and covered, with all the sharp armor pieces (and his thigh belt) being exclusively on his left.
The stomach gap is on his right, once again making him appear more open and vulnerable.
As a whole, his design gives the vibe of someone who is approachable, but that you should still be wary off.
Which is perfect! Because while yes, he is an incredibly violent battle-hungry maniac, he IS still genuinely approachable and friendly. It's why he's able to make friends with people despite them knowing what he does!
I like him a lot :)
#hehehe thanks for asking i have an excuse to make this post now#his design is a wonderful mesh of friendly nice guy and somewhat subtle danger and its just. perfect.#his literaly first scene in the game immediately makes it clear that yeah hes nice and hes helping you!#but hes also a harbinger. he literally tells you right of the bad that yeah hes a bad guy. still gonna help you tho#and its not like its entirely for his own benefit either like his plan wouldve gone on regardless of if traveler appeared or not#he simply decided to kill two birds with one stone#anyways. i like him and his design a LOT hoyo designs truly are amazing#childe#tartaglia#ajax#genshin impact#xander rambles#xander answers#asks
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i spent my morning at the DMV and it was the absolute worst way to spend my morning, 0/10 do not recommend
#personal#I’m just here to ramble to get it out lol#I got there when it opened and it was a TWO hour wait#my anxiety was already high for some reason it’s been out of control recently#so I’m already just…shaking going in lol#and this woman cuts in line ahead of a huge group of us and I was next so I had to go in and say ‘excuse me we’re all in line too’#she was so nice but I was so nervous my tone was mean 😭#we waited in dollar tree#(their fall and Halloween decor is on POINT it’s so cute btw)#oh yeah— we meaning me and the beans lol they were with me#and they were being such troopers right until we went inside since we were waiting outside#I miss my que because of it and the girls are screaming and crying and I have this huge stroller and everyone is so obviously annoyed at me#and THEN I give a bean my keys to try and calm her down and she takes them and#sets off my car alarm#and this woman comes in yelling about my car and I have to say ‘YUP THAT’S ME I’m not going to turn it off I’m almost done here thank you’#😭😭😭#and then my picture!! I obviously look like I’m having a mental breakdown in it#I look like a thumb 😭#but it’s done#I have my new license with my new name#it is done lol#I def went to try car to cry 😭#I wasn’t mad at the beans though I felt bad for them 🥺#ANYWAY#Imma go eat a salad because my tummy hurts 😭
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this is weird and overly personal but blogging about it anyway. i started a silly project at the end of may this year to exercise every single day (with small exceptions for exams etc) until the first sleep token show - idk why i chose that (i do, it was 'do it for vessel') but having a finite goal is so much easier to work towards than 'i will continue this habit for the rest of my life'. long story short i've done it and i'll continue on even though the first show has passed (do it for papa v this time?) but just saw myself in the mirror in the hotel i'm staying at for the next ritual and jdbdhjdbdj i've got some defined muscle i didn't have this time six months ago thank u vessel
#i don't have a huge mirror in my uni house so didn't notice but. yeah. sorry for rambling about this#just a bit thrilled#of all the great things that becoming a fan of some bands has done for me#this is the most surprising#it's not a crazy schedule btw it's just one thing per day no matter how intense#so could range from a full muay thai class to just walking to campus#it's so much easier than saying#'i will complete this specific exercise every single day no excuses'#because 'do it for vessel' has its limits#so. stayed very flexible but consistent#it wasn't for appearances#genuinely happier with that than i ever have been in my memory#(thanks copia)#just for overall health#and i do feel physically great#mentally better too now that i'm prioritising it#sorry again wow cant shut up#yeah im . jdbdjd :')#been quite a day of doing new things#and it just hit me that i've stayed consistent for 6 months#with visible proof that i didn't intend#and genuinely without a shred of doubt it's all because of vessel#i think i must have seen how healthy he's looking nowadays and thought wow <3 wish that were me#now it's beginning to be#bye to the engineering stick muscles jdbdjdhd
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ack the stuff you said about dsmp and its ending and stuff—i feel that. its like this painful nostalgia of what the thing used to be and the fact that it’ll never happen again… i get nostalgic over the lmanburg anthem lmao. im still having a hard time getting over it ahaha.
i honestly hate the ending but i suppose it had to end sometime. Season 2 getting canceled… like you said, there is some comfort in that, but at the same time its so sad to think that it’s finally, officially over. two years of watching funny block men play the funny block game. it was so fun.
is feeling this way over a silly minecraft server overreacting? maybe. but nonetheless theres still that sadness. i just pretend theres a real ending where the nuke doesnt blow everyone up and these amazing characters ive grown to love just live on in their happy little lives.
anyway just wanted to say this after seeing your recent post. in all honesty, i miss dsmp. but seeing that someone i look up to feels the same way i do makes it a little bit easier to bear, i think. so thank you./gen
Hello anon!!! I'm glad I was able to make you feel comforted and better with just a silly Tumblr post (which also was a bit of a rant haha)
Yeah, it's a painful kind of nostalgia. Which is a bit bitter (due to the nature of how ...the dsmp sorta had a very, rather than ending with a big bang, it was more sorta drawn out thin and had a more than unsatisfying ending. its okay,I think as a fandom we are all making our own au endings to replace that one haha)
And despite all the hardship around this dumb lil server, I don't think I regret getting into it. And I still teasure the story and characters so dearly.
I think you're aloud to have such strong feelings over a silly lil thing, cos I think we're past the point of thinking it is dumb to be so invested in a Minecraft server. It was so fucking cool, and not just the server, the fancontent. I would argue that was the thing that made it so loved and engaging to be a part of. The fan content was unmatched and filled with talent.
People who think it's dumb to have a generally fun time within a fandom and to mourn that when it ends, are boring. Yeah it was a Minecraft rp, but it was also the some of the funnest times I've ever had within a fandom.
The dsmp may have ended but the creativity that made it so great is still here, with the fan content and cc, who will go onto new things and continue to make great things and improve.
And besides the story and characters are still there. It's like putting one of your favourite book on a shelf. You can always revisit the story, maybe take something different from it after time.
And I'm sure there will still be fancontent created from the characters, I know I still plan on drawing and writing stuff.
I can't let go of these characters just yet haha.
It's just now there's room for more things, I don't think anything will replace what the dsmp was,I don't want that.
I guess what I'm saying is I'm excited to see what comes next!!! And I'm thankful for the experience of what the dsmp was.
#asks#dsmp#and my feelings towards this silly server#i still love it hhggg#and yeah not to point a finger at a certain problematic creator that kinda ruined it a lil towards the end#im still thankful for the two plus years of story and characters we got#its real bittersweet#damnit ccrimeboys and your grib you have over me#this ask was my excuse to ramble about my feelings on the dsmp haha#im excited to see whats next ...i mean im not that sad#cos ive still got hermitcraft and life series and other things still ongoing#and there's that qsmp that quackity doing that im excited for!!! and even the non Minecraft stuff some of the over cc are doing#like genloss and sorry boys and all that stuff#its exciting :')
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Love your writing and i would like to know more about one night stand (I remember what you shared before!) and the recliner aaaand the fhr vampire au! Thank you! (~agentnatesewell)
Mar!!! Thank you for the ask, and I’m so sorry it took so long to answer!
For the one night stand fic:
I realized I’ve never really talked about the aftermath? And how terribly awful Abby handles everything lol.
She was kind of expecting (and hoping) that Nate to be gone the morning after, but when he wasn’t, she went into Panic Mode. She immediately jumped to the conclusion that he’d realize what they’d done and regret it/be disgusted and she just, wasn’t prepared to handle that. (In her solo story, Bobby did a terrible number on her mental health and self image, so she’s got a lot of lingering issues dealing with that). So! Instead of acting like a calm, rational adult about it all, she locked herself in the bathroom and worked herself into a panic attack.
And Nate, being Nate and too kind for his own good, felt terrible. He didn’t want to leave her like that (considering he could HEAR her panic attack), but being around her seemed to just make it worse. So he did the very Nate thing and left a phone number, along with a note apologizing and asking that she calls to let him know she’s at least okay.
Abby never does call….but she doesn’t throw the card away, either
The (Short-lived) Adventures of Ric’s Recliner:
I honestly don’t remember what gave me the inspiration for this fic. I just know I wanted to write something pre-Heartbreak for Erin and Ortega, and I liked the idea of them being big children and “fighting” over something dumb. So it’s four different instances revolving around their battle over the recliner!
Vampire!AU:
This was just me messing around, because I want more spicy vampire biting in the world lol. A completely self indulgent fic honestly.
#thank you for the ask Mar!! and letting me ramble#sorry about the mix of blabbing and snippets alskdls#also sorry this took so long!!#but yeah. most of these are just me playing with writing styles and goofing around lol#I couldn’t have a sexy bite scene with N that would feel in character so I just. crammed it in with Erin and Ortega lol#the recliner fic was just an excuse for early Erin/Ortega stuff#(also REALLY hope I used ‘Anda ya’ correctly. tried looking at language forums and they said it was like ‘come on!’#like ‘come on really?’ or ‘come on get out’ but idk??)#x: ortega/erin#x: abby/nate#the wayhaven chronicles#fhr#n Sewell
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the things my mind will do to NOT have to face the consequences of a traumatic story arc
"oh so and so died last week? and the new episode is tonight? hmm sounds like it'll be a good one...
.....y'know i've really been meaning to get into [absolute rabbit hole of a fandom]"
#it just feels like today should be a break week day#like my guy just passed LAST thursday and you want me to come back? for MORE? of what? that??#yeah no i need another week to mentally prepare and then ill be right with you please and thank you#i never actually watch the rebroadcast in the mornings cuz it feels weird watching cr with the sun shining#but the thought of locking in for 4 more hours of stress tonight is not for me#so maybe ill catch it on yt and watch while i play sdv or something#yknow balance out the stress with a game that is deceptively stressful but in a different way lmao#plus i still havent finished the fhjy episode so. im busy lol#the fandom that my brain is trying to use as an excuse to miss the live btw is naddpod#ive been keeping up with dnd court cuz its just fun sillies that require none of my attention or brain power#so i havent gotten into a campaign yet but i think about it a lot. i know ill like it and thatll be the end of me#but anyway good luck tonight critters!#the temptation might have me idly popping into stream but heres to hoping no one else perishes! :'D#critical role#sea rambles
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been wondering, now that i've finally completed my portfolio and applied for animation school and am very slowly getting ready for my country-wide move, if i should maybe get into bookbinding
sounds incredibly random for me to bring up, but i have a shit ton of papers from ye olden days of no internet for me that i need to get rid of before i attempt to literally cross the country with all my shit, so i've been thinking about using them to make new paper myself. i've seen a few videos on it and it looks really interesting, and i mean. i have time, i guess XD
the only thing is, i have literally no use for that much paper. i don't really know if i could use it to draw, and even then, its still a lot of paper lol
i guess what i'm saying is, maybe i should try to make and sell a few blank books or something? could put the funds towards tuition and the move, or donate it.
just a thought 🤔 lemme know if you guys would be interested
#also i know ive been dead for like. months#im really sorry XD i have very little excuse other than i forgor alfkjdskflj#but yeah lemme know if i should try this#also if any of you guys have done this and agree that i should#tips on what to do would be very very appreciated#thanks guys!#anon speaks#anon rambles#book binding#recycling#paper recycling#making paper#anon rambles in the tags
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kinda hate that my go-to non-merch clothing store choices are vans and hollister like we GET it im fucking californian
#their shit is surprisingly good quality and they often have good sales what can I say#but yeah also it’s a style thing. if I’m not dressing like a scene kid im dressed like a california santa cruz ass sk8r boy or surfer boy#i just ordered a few new things from hollister and im looking forward 2 it because the ripped jeans I got last year from there are like.#the best jeans I’ve owned since outwardly transitioning#which. I guess doesn’t say much on the surface cause I’ve only had like. three pairs of jeans in that time. but LOOK it IS significant#because finding jeans that fit right as a trans guy- even one who’s almost 2 years on t- can be a Struggle.#that + my weight = it’s difficult to find places that carry men’s pants in my size a lot of the time (26w x 30l)#sometimes a 28w fits depending on the place but. yeah it’s usually closer to 26. I have a tiny waist and decently longish legs#not complaining I like that about myself generally and I’m definitely thankful I’m somewhat close to average male height (only 2 inches#under the average in the us- im 5’7) but still#in other news I still need a new binder (preferably two really) but now I’m worried I spent too much money on the pants and stuff#I need a fucking job. so. bad#at least I have excuses for the hollister order- really good sale + I needed new pants and a business casualish shirt for job/job interview#related stuff. I cant keep wearing my fucking funeral clothes to job interviews and the pants I was using fit Bad#kibumblabs#no one needed to know all this I am just rambling in my diary that is tumblr dot com don’t mind me
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a very long ramble-y post about how shinobu and shallow meet + how they become friends (NMH1 centric)
Brain has been twisting and turning when it comes to trying to figure out how Scarlet Jacobs (Shinobu) and Shallow meet, because they never actually face off each other in a rankings fight. But then I remembered in NMH1! Scarlet's design, that she's kinda customized the Santa Destroy High School uniform by adding extra leg warmers of sorts, lace arm-warmers and a scarf. She kind has this 'goth' look to her but that's probably aided by the colour of Santa Destroy High's uniform colours (which hey! is really cool! Purple is a really uncommon colour in school uniforms!)
Unfortunately there really isn't a 'base' Santa Destroy High School Uniform to compare her customized uniform with, but that alone screams to me that she's one of many teens who would probably (and regularly) visit Area 51 / Airport 51, a clothing store run by Mask de Uh in the first two games).
Since Shallow works there, I wouldn't be surprised if Scarlet went there after school hours or maybe she stops by while on her way home, or maybe after an assassin mission or ranking battle she goes there as a sort of reward type thing. IDK, she just kinda comes across as someone who is absolutely into the alternative/punk fashion scene and since assassin jobs actually have a big paycheck behind them, I do see her spending her winnings on cool graphic shirts, jackets + other clothing items and accessories.
I can see the two not really interacting that much, at least at first - especially when Shallow just begins working there and is trying to get the hang of this new type of job experience. Another thing kinda halting their potential interactions (at first) is that Shallow's schedule is mostly relegated to the mornings, so by the time Shinobu shows up to browse through the store - Shallow isn't behind the counter.
That said I like to think they properly interact with each other when Mask de Uh had to attend to something, leaving Shallow having to do the whole day's work shift, and on that day Scarlet comes in after school, still wearing her uniform, and like usual - browses for items and clothes and stuff. When she collects the items she wants to buy, Shallow realises that this girl is actually around the same age as her, if not just a year younger than her and they kinda have some small talk about school. Shallow kinda encourages Scarlet to take a break from study (Santa Destroy High's curriculum is.... a lot more than just studying), and to take time to discover herself. Scarlet at this point hasn't met Travis yet, so she's still kinda introverted but for a split second she drops her guard and takes into consideration the advice.
From there are times where they do cross each other's paths when their off work hours and after-school hours line up (which is very rare), and it usually starts out as small talk before actually kinda becoming a weird friendship. It's not super close, but they do interact with each other on a casual semi-regular basis.
That is until somehow the two take the same assassin mission on accident through K-Entertainment and basically the they have to work together and split their earnings. (Before anyone asks, yes Shallow is shocked that Scarlet is also an assassin, like she just thought she carried a katana around because she was practicing traditional samurai technique stuff as a recreational sport.)
There is a lot of tension and anxiety on this one mission, mostly about whether they can trust each other or not. Shallow respects Scarlet's capabilities and intelligence, and understands that in this situation that Scarlet is arguably much more capable and well-disciplined when it comes to pulling off assassin missions. Plus she is very aware of the skill difference the two have, Scarlet is very precise with her movements and attacks while Shallow kinda has a bit issue with leaving herself open to being attacked, so they realise they have a lot of catch up to do. They even verbalize this at the end of the mission and insists that Scarlet should take a larger cut of the earnings as opposed to evenly splitting it.
Shinobu is a bit surprised by this generosity and selflessness. I mean you really can't trust other assassins, but here seeing that selflessness is genuinely shocking. She is a bit apprehensive about this development in this potential friendship, as much like anyone she doesn't want to lose a potential friend/ally she can rely on in times of need. Additionally she knows that losing a friend in a situation like this would be VERY PETTY, so she kinda goes along and takes most of the earnings, but does persuade Shallow that next time if this happens, that they should split the earnings evenly. Scarlet doesn't feel guilty taking most of the earnings, rather she's saddened that Shallow downplays her abilities with time-space-portal manipulation, because to Scarlet, she thinks they're really cool and finds said powers to be a great support assist to her own fast attacks + it allows her to travel to different spaces in one area.
For a while I think this sort of friendship would be sort of strained for a bit but that's mostly due to miscommunication + Shallow isn't super sure how to tell the cool and calculated Scarlet that actually 'I NEVER intended to sign up for this, I thought it was a joke but turns out it was real. Now I'm scared for my life because I'm involved in a world that is VERY much not my crowd.' When Scarlet is told this, it kinda gives her an epiphany that Shallow is just trying to find faer's footing in a situation they never asked to be apart of, and she really does empathise with the pastel goth/pastel punk assassin. Shinobu was in a similar position when she started, but she does commend how Shallow despite starting out has been able to hold out on her own even with less combat experience.
The two kinda agree to keep their assassin lives separate from their friendship, in that they just want to not have to be pitted against each other for a rankings fight because they both know that Sylvia is... not above arranging such a fight for money. They don't stop their friendship, they still regularly communicate via text, phone calls etc. but try their best to not see each other in person at least, which means warning each other where they'll be so they can't be seen together because they know that other assassins will notice this and try to target both of them.
I should stress that this friendship does go back to normal, face-to- face/hang out interactions after Shinobu has her ranking fight with Travis, which immediately puts Shallow on edge because finding out that otaku who hangs out at the video store and visits Area 51, turned kind of neighbor (because your artist residency/workshop is a rented place out of the No More Heroes Hotel), turned best friend is capable of killing is really worrying. Fae's worried that yet another situation could arise where Sylvia could potentially get them to fight and kill each other, so for their safety she kinda gets a bit withdrawn from him a bit.
OBVIOUSLY THAT GETS CLEARED UP LATER, BUT LIKE. THIS POST IS ALREADY LONG ENOUGH AS IT IS, I might make like a second post explaining how Shallow and Travis (and Bishop) are friends. And obviously. and make TWO even more longer posts talking about the relationship with Henry, and also like. the backstory shallow has leading into NMH1.
#shallow rambles#suda51posting#nomoreposting#[p]: shinobu | season of the samurai#🧁🍦 | not your sweetheart#no more heroes self insert: shallow candy#self insert tag#GOD I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN SO MANY WORDS FOR A SINGLE POST ASIDE FROM THAT ONE POST#EXPLAINING WHY JAWS BY SLEEP TOKEN IS LIKE. THE PERFECT ENCAPSULATION OF SHALLOW AND HENRY's#RELATIONSHIP. but i don't regret writing these posts because it gives me the excuse to just throw ideas against a wall and see what sticks#but also to like. expand some characterisation of existing canon characters and how their interactions with my self insert impacts them#this post evolved from: shinobu and shallow become friends via area 51 to the dilemma of working in the assassin world and not#wanting to lose a potential friendship you've JUST MADE#WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT TUMBLR HAD A HARD TIME TRYING TO SAVE THIS POST?! I HAD TO COPY PASTE EVERYTHING INTO A NOTEPAD TO SAVE IT#JUST IN CASE THIS POST NEVER SAVED?! YEAH. THAT HAPPENED.#AND THEN IT TURNED OUT IT SAVED ALL THE CHANGES ANYWAYS?! I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD BE THANKFUL (i'm not) because wow#tumblr you STILL SUCK.
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It’s Tamaki’s birthday!! 🥳🎂
What do you think his favorite flavor of cake would be?? If you baked and decorated a cake for him, how would you decorate it? How would you spoil him on his special day? ☺️💗
Oh my goodness, crimson this edit 🥹💗🤭💞💓🫶🏼😭 This is so darn cute!! when I saw this in my notifications I got so excited bc I literally have this plushie and just made some brownies for him lol aaa thank you for sending this!! Ok ok so I’ve just decided (since I’ve done it two years in a row) that I would make him brownies for his birthday, so I’d make him a brownie cake (≧∀≦) Tamaki doesn’t eat sweets that much, but he likes to indulge in chocolate, we go out to dinner sometimes, and he’s always down to share a chocolate lava cake with me. Anyway, yeah! I’d make him a chocolate brownie cake, with a light whipped frosting and some berries lining the top, ooo maybe in between the layers too. And, I of course, would have to write HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAMAKI ♡ on it. To go along with the cake, I’d prepare a nice little meal for him too — he gets to decide what it is! and if he’s like “Make whatever is easiest,” I’m like “No, Tama, come on! Tell me what you want!” — He would already feel so spoiled from that 🥺 because honestly, when he comes homes and gets to eat some good food and just relax — it’s all he needs really. And he knows I spent so much time on things, so he’s very appreciative <3 But still, I probably use his birthday to give him a nice massage too heheh, have him lie down while I straddle him, oiled up hands massaging those back muscles of his 👀
#so yeah the night ends well for both of us ;) tamaki is a lucky guy#hehe thanks for giving me an excuse to ramble!#also it kinda looks like plushie tamaki is holding the cake i would make for him 🥰 just pretend it's chocolate#🍰ss stuff#ask#💗tamaki
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Thinking abt band swap Kasumi again. Girlie with Issues <3
#rat rambles#band posting#band swap au#she is so. she is so. <3#gotta love me excusing making toyama mom a backstory so I can include elements of it in band swap kasumi backstory#aka toyama mom's shitty friend who in my canon hcs got arrested ages ago but in the band swap au managed til kasumi was abt 13#and in fact got arrested for attemted murder on kasumi (and asuka sorta)#she was a therapist before and hoo boy was she a bad one#shes been gaslight gakekeep girlbossibg toyama mom for years upon years rip#theyre all doing a lot better now but things obviously arent perfect#but hey kasumi has friends now to thats pretty cool even if one of them is rimi fhjdydh#rimi uh. is a bit of a messy person in this au dhsjgdjdh#shes not a bad person she just has her own issues and has very bad coping mechanisms for them#thinking abt all of them reminds me that I still need to develop saya more#I have like. a basic idea for her. but Im not sure if I like it anymore tbh#but at the same time I dont wanna leave her more so untouched since thatd also make things tricky thanks to rimi#but ya arisa is basically identical to canon arisa to start and she and kasumi meet in a similar way#but yukina is also there and now arisa has two emo kids who keep breaking into her home to fart around#kasumi is still doing kasumi stuff ofc and ends up getting into music basically the same way as canon#but yeah after arisa starts coming to school she pretty quickly gets incorperated with the rest of the friend group minus rimi who still#insists on eating alone and saya and tae both end up getting attached pretty quickly#and they agree to help kasumi practice at arisa's place and arisa is like hey you cant just do that whenever since did we agree on that#smash cut to arisa's place with her showcasing her new keyboard and all that#eventually rimi catches on that theyre all doing this and is like what the fuck tae what are you doing saya why are you performing with#them but still refusing to join kasumi hiiiiiii bestie ^-^ and who the fuck is that blond bitch#tae and saya are both like this is arisa shes ours now can she join the band too#and rimi is like absolutelu the fuck not I will not allow ametures and they like but kasumi. and shes like no thats different.#but then kasumi is like I actually would like arisa to join us if you would be ok with that and rimi is just like. >:/. fine.#and arisa is just sitting there like hey hey I never fucking agreed to this either but its too late shes a part of the band now
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i do not understand why dave grohl cheating is SUCH a huge thing like. i feel like ive seen more upset over this than drake
#terrible people are exposed constantly youd think by now we'd have learnt to at least somewhat expect it. celebrities and still people !#people are complex and often do Bad Things and often they simply are BAD People ! this isnt news !!!#also whilst we're on the subject of cheating can we just talk ab how stupid the whole “i never meant for this to happen” excuse is? like ohh#yeah never meant to sleep w them and its not like there was probably Multiple Moments! where u couldve been like wait fuck nope no reverse!#n they wouldve had those moments and yet STILL carried on!! idk its dumb and everyones stupid. thanks for coming to my ted talk#rain rambles
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