#but yeah ive just been loving kanata more and more as time goes on and i rlly wanted this for him

[4giorno]

this was honestly such a mistake im aware of that, but i dont regret it at all. i also got the kitty ritsu card (i accidentally tapped away before taking a screenshot 💀) which im so happy abt so all in all this was such a nice thing for me atm and i needed it 💖💖

[juryokv-blog]

five times kissed / kanata and kaoru

*     five times kissed     /     @crystliz

i.

it’s awkward   &   clumsy like most first kisses tend to be.   the reason being different than that of nerves   &   budding feelings   &   rather the pressure to make this look real.   faking it is easier said than done   &  kaoru’s stressing out here   !   this is all for nothing if it’s not convincing   &   he’s having trouble getting over the way souma stares sharper daggers than usual at him since they’ve announced their   ‘relationship’   like he’s just waiting for a slip up or the way sena basically scoffed at how tense   &   . .   un-couple like they seem to be.

so   . .   he has to step up his game,   hands at kanata’s face drawing him in until they’re close enough for lips to slot together in a less than skillful manner.   (   it’s definitely not his best work   &   the other’s lack of experience doesn’t help either.   )   the train-wreck of a kiss only lasts momentarily before kaoru’s retreating,   face heating over the fact that he just did that with his fake boyfriend in public   &   it wasn’t anything to brag about either.     ❛     i                  ❜     there’s a sense that he should say something regarding his actions,   but the blonde finds himself at a loss for words at the sheer embarrassment of the situation.   he opts for clearing his throat instead,   hand slipping into kanata’s once more   &   coaxing him along to finish this date.     ❛     let’s   . .   go.     ❜

ii.

❛     look,   kanata   . .     ❜     ahh   . .   how is he supposed to bring this up casually   ?   it’s sort of uncomfortable,   but they couldn’t keep up like they have been   &   this isn’t just about kanata’s own inexperience either,   kaoru’s having issues with the whole pretending thing.   he’s no actor   &   it’s hard to be natural when they’re fake in every sense.   they need   . .   practice   !   . .   or something.     ❛     if   -   if we really want this to be convincing then we need to  . .   work on some   . .  stuff.   like,   uh   -   kissing.   why don’t we,   um   . .     ❜     kaoru can literally feel himself dying right now.   he can’t help but think how much simpler this would be is kanata were a girl instead of a boy                         even a stranger over a friend,   but there’s no helping it   &   they’ve got to figure this out.

❛     here   . .     ❜     voice is small to mask lacking confidence in tone,   scooting towards the other boy   &   leaving hesitance behind.     ❛     just relax   &   do what feels right.   okay   ?     ❜     he’s somehow managed to get a lid on his nerves long enough for a hand to come to kanata’s neck.   there’s a loose smile on kaoru’s face as he looks at the other boy for signs of uneasiness or apprehension.   above anything,   it’s kanata’s comfort that matters most,   isn’t it   ?   so he eases into this,   less rushed than their first as lips press soft against the pair before him.   it’s relieving how painless it is this time,   sighing into warmth.   

kaoru would never overstep though,   keeping this simple   &   moving back just far enough to search kanata’s face for an indication of   . .   content   ?   something like that.     ❛     better   ?     ❜

iii.

it’s always endearing watching kanata fawn over the fish inside the marine life club room.   kaoru started attending activities more frequently since he’s announced to the world that he’s dating the oddball,   that being part of the couple image.   but despite that itself,   it’s almost cute the way kanata   ‘bubble bubbles’   between tanks feeding   &   tending to the fish inside,   (   as long as he ignores the way the club captain so mercilessly says they’re going to eat their scaled friends soon.   )   &   kaoru’s having fun.

the most amusing aspect might just be the way souma can get so riled up so quickly just by being in kaoru’s presence.   it’s even easier now that he’s with kanata,   their junior so blatantly disapproving of their relationship   &   maaaaybe kaoru’s made a game of being extra affectionate with his supposed boyfriend to get a rise out of souma.   (   yeah,   it’s a lot of fun.   )

❛     heeeeeey,   kanata.    ❜     arm slips around the boy’s waist,   interrupting whatever task he’s in the middle of   &   bringing him closer.   there’s a smile all too smug resting on face as he kisses kanata’s cheek.     ❛     why don’t you leave the rest to souma-kyun here   &   pay attention to me instead   ?   i’m lonely too,   y’know.     ❜     one day kaoru is actually going to be cut down for his instigating,   but he thinks it might be worth it seeing the way the second year’s face goes red.

iv.

what compelled kaoru to invite kanata over for dinner with his family is beyond him.   it’s not as if his family are the ones they’re trying to convince   &   kaoru knows better than to have any expectation when it comes to the people of his house.   but kanata is dear to him   &   there’s some pathetic part of him still searching for approval of any kind even if he’s aware it’ll never come.   while his siblings could play nice for the sake of company,   his old man is set in his ways   &   a nice evening is too much to ask for.   (   kaoru wishes his mom was here.   she would have loved kanata as much as he                      )   he can’t finish that thought nor acknowledge the way his heart feels like it’s compressing in chest.

soft voice snaps him out of whatever despairing trance he’d been in,   realizing they’ve must have been walking aimlessly in silence now for a while.   ah   . .   how embarrassing.   kaoru feels melancholy prickling inside,   but kanata’s here beside him   &   he doesn’t want to burden him anymore than he already has with this mess of a night.     ❛     haaa   . .   kanata’s worried about me,   huh   ?     ❜     he stops in his tracks,   body shifting to face the other.   kaoru’s got a smile on his face that’s all too forced   &   unconvincing   &   it almost hurts to pretend everything’s fine when he feels like the world is swallowing him whole.   yet he can’t bring himself to bother kanata with feelings he can’t even put into words.

kaoru reaches up,   fingers brushing through blue bangs   &   curling against the side of head.   he takes a moment,   gaze holding with kanata’s own as if he could persuade him with look alone before leaning forth to press a kiss to kanata’s forehead.     ❛     i’m fine,   promise.     ❜

v.

the aquarium is one of the first places he promised to take kanata on a date,   yet it’s taken kaoru this long to actually bring him here.   it’s not as if he’s intentionally been putting it off,   there’s just   . .   a lot of memories held in this place.   he wants this to be special   &   he feels like they’re at a place now that this will actually mean something because   . .   this stopped being fake long ago,   didn’t it   ?   at least that’s what it is to kaoru,   even if it’s only pretend for the other.   somewhere along the line being with kanata became natural   &   he’s not brave enough to admit he’s scared for the time to come when they have to stop.

so he doesn’t focus on that,   only on the former beside him   &   how beautiful he looks with the shades of blue reflecting from the water behind glass surrounding them.   (   he’s breathtaking   &   kaoru feels his heart jump to his throat.   )    ❛     kanata   . .     ❜     he almost feels selfish,   calling out to the latter to take his attention away from the fish he loves so much   &   have him look only at him.   when kanata’s gaze does meet his own there’s a sudden surge of nerves,   reluctance building inside.   mouth opens to say something,   but it’s fruitless.   kaoru still doesn’t have the words to say,   just like that day before.  

he takes action instead,   moving in to steal a kiss in his own greed.   maybe this will be enough to convey emotions he can’t say himself   &   if not,   then   . .   maybe that’s for the better. 

[azuresquirrel]

OKAY FOLKS, MY INTITIAL HOT TAKES ™ ON STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI, BEFORE I EXPOSE MYSELF TO ANY OF THE DISCUSSION OR DISCOURSE. UNLESS IT IS NOT CLEAR, THIS POST IS SPOILER-TASTIC.

Alrighty, before we get to the meat of the thing let me give ENTIRELY too many disclaimers:

-I would not consider myself a Star Wars Expert. I’d say I’m a fan and about a half-step up from the standard casual moviegoer. I love the movies, the original trilogy was a big deal in my childhood. I have encountered the EU in small bits – a novel here and there, an episode of a cartoon here and there. But I am decidedly not a person who is Keeping Up with the billions of Star Wars media out there so I want it clear that’s the perspective I’m coming from.

-Also my Overall Take on the movie is generally positive and I also think I will enjoy it more on a second viewing, whenever that may be. But I did go into it, given the non-spoilery rumblings I’d heard to either Love It or Hate It. I’d say neither is the case. I Liked it, which really is something of a disappointment, but perhaps that second viewing would move it up. Also I will likely be more detailed on the stuff I had problems with than the stuff I liked, but the stuff I liked did outweight the stuff I had issues with.

-As to “where” I would rank this movie in my personal rankings . . . bros, I don’t know. I have immense childhood built-in bias to Episodes IV – VI. Better than the prequels, OBVIOUSLY (which let’s be real, the prequels had SOME good stuff in the them but it sure is a lot of bullshit to wade through). I never really gave my Official Take on Rogue One because IT WAS THE DAY THAT CARRIE FISHER PASSED, and I honestly think it will take me a while to be ABLE to watch it again because I associate it so strongly with her passing. But here’s my Take anyway: it had good concepts and a goddamn killer third act, but the first two acts were a goddamn SLOG and I just could not find Jyn an investing protagonist for all that I tried. I’d rank The Last Jedi over Rogue One – I had a similar “when are we going to get to the fireworks factory” deal with it, but still the stalling period was more enjoyable in The Last Jedi than in Rogue One. And it falls short to The Force Awakens to me. The Force Awakens felt more focused, and it had more of what I personally was looking for – that “SHIT YEAH I’M WATCHING STAR WARS” feeling. The Last Jedi got there EVENTUALLY but it got there really really late. I pretty much enjoyed The Force Awakens the whole way through whereas I was feeling a good deal of FRUSTRATION a ways into The Last Jedi.

So, let’s get to specifics:

-Well, I mean I think it’s clear why I think a second viewing will improve my opinion on the film. I spent a LOT of it WAITING and FRUSTRATED and thinking “WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET TO THE FIREWORKS FACTORY/THE POINT.” I had Concerns about things, not knowing where they were going (AND I THINK VALIDLY SO AT THE TIME), so since it largely ended up in places that I LIKED maybe I’ll be able to enjoy the waiting period a lot more in the future.

-Look, I know that Star Wars movies are Events and are never short but fucking, this movie was still TOO LONG. Felt the same about Rogue One (but less so here), didn’t feel that way about The Force Awakens.

-Well let’s see, in my mind there were basically four plots in this movie – Rey and Luke, Finn and Rose, Poe and the Rebels, and Kyle Ron Bullshit (I suppose some would argue that Kyle Ron bullshit was pretty much a part of the Rey and Luke plot. Technically, they are probably correct. IN MY NON-TECHNICAL MIND, IT IS A SEPARATE THING GIVEN I THOUGHT “OH THIS SHIT AGAIN” WHENEVER HE CAME ONSCREEN). The overall: Finn and Rose was GREAT THROUGHOUT, THE MOST MOVIE-ISH OF THEM AND THE MOST ENJOYABLE AND I LOVE THEM AND ALSO BB8. Rey and Luke I ALSO LIKED A WHOLE, WHOLE LOT, THOUGH I IMAGINE THERE MAY BE ~CONTROVERSY~ THERE. However I also felt a good deal of Frustration and Concern thanks to all the Kyle Ron Bullshit inserted there. Poe and the Rebels . . . . . oooooooooooooof. Yeah. That was a thing.

-On a more shallow note: one thing that was uniformly good throughout was all the NEW STAR WARS CREATURES. Icicle-foxes on mineral planet (and actually being of MINOR PLOT IMPORTANCE), stupidly adorable giant rabbit-horses, JUDGEMENTAL FISH NUNS, and the godawfully adorable merchandise mandate of the porgs. We didn’t get that much in the way of exciting new Star Wars planets/worlds, but the creatures made up for it.

-Okay I don’t count it as new because we saw it at the end of The Force Awakens, but I was extremely appreciative of Ireland: Luke’s picturesque Cranky Jedi Exile Planet. THE SOUTHWEST COAST OF IRELAND, LAND OF MY ANCESTORS, IS BEAUTIFUL.

-I HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONS ABOUT LUKE SKYWALKER: MY DEAD GAY DAD/SON (courtesy of spaceoperetta, that joke). I just . . . loved . . . my heart . . . .

-OLD CRANKY LUKE HAVING RETIRED TO HIS ANGRY GAY PICTURESQUE EXILE PLANET BECAUSE HE HAD THE HUBRIS ™ AND FAILED ™. JUST. RELATABLE.

-REY JUST FUCKING FOLLOWING HIM FOR ALL HIS CRANKY EXILE DAYS, BEING JUST A FUCKING STUBBORN.

-All the stuff Luke had to say about The Force and why the Jedi were crap was just . . . GOOD. I APPROVE.

-And Force Ghost Yoda ends up burning the damn tree anyway, what a troll.

-. . . why do I have the feeling that Luke in The Last Jedi is going to become my new AA4 Phoenix? I just have a HUNCH. YES HE MADE SOME BAD CHOICES ™ AND IS OLD AND BITTER BUT. I GET IT. FOLKS, I GET IT.

-And the whole END when he ASTRAL-PROJECTS AWESOMENESS ONTO MINERAL PLANET. BEING AWESOME AND OLD AND SASSY. PULLING SOME STRAIGHT-UP AIRBENDER MOVES ON KYLE RON.

-I was keeping the tears back throughout the movie but the Leia and Luke scene BROKE ME.

-And then he dies (as I expected), looking out at the double sunset just like in A New Hope fucking forty years ago. I CRIED SOME MORE.

-I HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONS ABOUT LUKE SKYWALKER.

-Okay REY. Somehow felt like there was . . . less of Rey in this film than in TFA? Like probably actually not but it felt like she got to do more STUFF in TFA. And the CONCERNS did not help. BUT YES, REY WITH A LIGHTSABER, REY PILOTING THE FALCON, REY MOVING SOME FUCKING ROCKS. REY!!!!!!

-Also can the third movie NOT go back on the conclusion that we came to re: Rey’s parentage from this film? Her “coming from nothing” having just regular-ass junker parents, she DOESN’T have that ~special Skywalker blood~. PLEASE. PLEASE DON’T GO BACK ON IT, SERIES. BECAUSE I LIKE IT. She “doesn’t have a place in this story” in the Multigenerational Skywalker Family Drama. BUT SHE IS REY!!! SHE IS HERSELF AND CAN BE GREAT ANYWAY!!!! THE FORCE IS NOT “A POWER TO MOVE ROCKS” AND IT’S NOT MIDICHOLIRAN BULLSHIT, IT ISI WITHIN HER AS IT IS EVERYTHING! THAT STRENGTH COMES FROM HERSELF DAMMIT.

-(okay bad joke time, you all know I was totally thinking “YES REY, FIND YOUR GAY DESTINY IN THE GIANT SEAWEED VAGINA” re: the Empire Strikes Back ripoff cave that only shows you your own face).

-Before I get to The Issues – FINN AND ROSE WERE GREAT AND I LOVE THEM!!!! I AM GLAD THAT ROSE ARTICULATED THE REBELLION SO WELL!!!! THEY WORKED GREAT TOGETHER!!!! FINN CONTINUES TO BE A JOY!!!! BOTH OF THEM ARE THE HOPE OF THIS REBELLION!!!!

-AND SHE SAVED HIM AND I HAD THE EMOTIONS. AND I WORRIED SHE DIED BUT THANK GOD SHE DID NOT. AND THAT KISS WITH THE EXPLOSION IN THE BACKGROUND! FIGHTING FOR THE THINGS WE LOVE! EMOTIONS!

-ALSO SHOUTOUT TO FINN FOR HAVING MY REAL FIRST “SHIT YEAH I’M WATCHING STAR WARS” MOMENT WHEN HE GOES AT CAPTAIN PHASMA IN THE FUCKING BURNING DOWN SHIP. THAT WAS GOOD SHIT!!!!

-ALSO FINN RALLYING EVERYONE IN MINERAL PLANET BASE WITH HIS HOPE – YOU ARE THE TRUE FUTURE OF THE REBELLION!!!

-(okay but for the next movie can we have more than like two minutes of Maz Kanata? PLEASE?)

-Okay so circling back to Rey because of KYLE RON BULLSHIT. You can probably tell what my Concerns were. Like . . . I mean geez, I want to root for that hopefulness but CHRIST, COME ON HERE.

-I was happy that it turned out that their stupid ~connection~ was forged by Snoke, who is unimportant anyway and dies, that was frankly a bit of a relief.

-OKAY, BASICALLY I HAD WORRIES ABOUT THE SHIP I DARE NOT NAME, BUT LUCKILY REY IS GOOD AND KYLE RON CONTINUED TO BE AS HE IS, AS I EXPECTED. But can you blame me for the CONCERNS about their ~omg special Force connection~?

-But . . . . honestly it IS a problem with this new trilogy that I don’t care about Kyle Ron. So much of these movies are hanging on the fact that we have some investment in his decisions and his fate and I . . . don’t. Like when Leia was reaching out to him with The Force I should have Felt Something and I did not. I perhaps should have been slightly less “eh, can you really blame him” at the reveal that Luke did indeed for a moment consider offing him.  He is so important to so many of the characters but I just . . . . they’re trying to make him into a Zuko but he ISN’T. HE’S JUST SHITTY. I DON’T CARE ABOUT HIS SUPPOSED ~CONFLICT~. AND HONESTLY THAT’S A PROBLEM. HE *SHOULD* BE A COMPELLING VILLAIN THAT YOU FEEL CONFLICTED ABOUT. YOU SHOULD *WANT* HIM TO BE REDEEMED LIKE HOW YOU WANTED LUKE TO SUCCEED IN REACHING VADER LIKE IN RETURN OF THE JEDI. BUT I JUST. DON’T. CARE. HE’S JUST A SHITTY WHINY SPOILED MANBABY.

-So like on the one hand I was happy that SNoke and his stylish gold robe essentially ended up being UNIMPORTANT. He dies and it made little difference. Because I didn’t really care!

- . . . but then again, isn’t that similar to the Kyle Ron problem? Because like . . . if the whole dealio of this plot, that Kyle Ron was corrupted to the Dark Side and Sith Ways thanks to his Andy Serkis CGI fucker, then SHOULDN’T it matter a bit? WHO IS THIS GUY AND WHERE DID HE COME FROM? WHAT IS HIS MOTIVATION BESIDES “EVIL?” WHERE DID THIS SITH FUCKER POP UP FROM AFTER PALPITINE WAS OFFED? Like . . . I don’t personally care but for the story itself it SHOULD matter. Instead it’s just “and then Kyle Ron became Dark Side because The Evil Guy said so.” If you want something actually compelling you need to fucking put MORE into it.

-So then the part where we needed to care about the tracked and almost out of fuel Rebel Forces. One would think I would given that Leia was there (for like five minutes and also SHE USED THE FORCE TO SAVE HERSELF AND I HAD THE EMOTIONS) But. Well.

-Oh, and pausing to point out that Star Wars is getting BETTER with women as it has more women onscreen than ever but like – I was concerned about Rose dying with ALL THE DYING ASIAN WOMEN ONSCREEN. Yes the bomber ended up being her sister and important and it was a badass scene but like – could we not have killed her off IMMEDIATELY? Also was that Jasika (I’m not sure) who got unceremoniously blown up in her X-Wing? I’m just saying, STAR WARS STILL HAS SOME WAYS TO GO EVEN WITH REY AND ROSE.

-Also movie thank you for ultimately validating Purple-Haired Laura Dern as a good leader and a badass but I somehow doubt that will be the takeaway that most people have.

-BECAUSE I GUESS DREAMY POE DAMERON OF THE FORCE AWAKENS IS GONE AND REPLACED WITH A HOTHEADED CLONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH WOMEN IN AUTHORITY OR SOMETHING.

-Like . . . why was it necessary . . . for this plot . . . for Poe to talk over and mansplain to and disobey orders from his fucking commanding officers who all just happen to be women.

-And I guess we’re not supposed to find him a rank hypocrite at the end when Finn disobeyed his orders to pull off from the Death Star But a Battering Ram (???) even though THAT’S WHAT POE’S BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE.

-Like god cutting back to those ships every time was TIRESOME and frankly I’m glad I did not have a ton of investment in Poe as a character before this or else I’d be RIGHT PISSED instead of just annoyed that the movie turned this character into a sexist and pretty much did not do ENOUGH to refute his ways. STILL ANNOYED THOUGH.

-Also is there any problem that the Empire/The First Order has encountered that they didn’t go “throw a Death Star” at it? I think a barked a laugh when they were like “IT’S MINIATURE DEATH STAR TECH.”

-Other disappointments – I THOUGHT KYLE RON WOULD STRAIGHT UP MURDER HUX AT LIKE TOO POINTS AND HE DIDN’T. I would’ve at least appreciated that ginger asshole getting murdered (especially when he slapped Finn I thought “M U R D E R”), but NOPE, KYLE RON MUST BE A DISAPPOINTMET IN ALL THINGS.

-THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE LEIA!!!!! AND NOW WHAT WILL THEY DO WITH THE NEXT MOVIE!!!!! BECAUSE CARRIE!!!!! I AM VERY UPSET!!!!!!!

-Oh Christ, this is so long and I’m kind of trailing off into shitpost territory, SO IF I HAVE MORE SHITPOSTY THOUGHTS I WILL HAVE THEM LATER.

-So good movie but I had FRUSTRATIONS.

-In conclusion: I LOVE LUKE SKYWALKER, MY DEAD GAY DAD/SON.