#but yeah if people arent crying im doing it wrong

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

[abyssalpriest]

anyway Im just thankful that ive gone from "thinking their name accidentally is a blasphemous transgression" to. i mean. i would say something about how Leviathan & Storm Mom and I can literally just talk shit out like hey did you mean this in a bad way? No? ok. or talk about how we can poke and prod each other. or about how i finally feel like im not a burden despite all my issues having just left a fucking cult. but like the progression can be symbolically summarised in Leviathan being like "yeah you can call me Lev online you've earned that" last night

[mcytegg]

woke up at 12 am and all i can think abt the empire and the sticklers like im sorry but i am so not normal abt their alliance it means the entire world to me.....

like especially the trust JUMPER has in the empire. ive been chewing through her s6 vods and the speed at which she went from fearing and wanting revenge bc they killed her and ro to her trusting them and wanting them to trust her was actually crazy

and this is all bc mapicc and minute chased clown away from her base bc he was hunting her down and she had no one else to protect her w her team offline. like yeah other people like zam and pangi were on but realistically how can they fight a clownpierce when zam was, at that point, a pacifist and pangi is pangi? /lh

them choosing to help jumper that day changed soooo much, it led to her warning the empire of her and reks silly end portal prank and warning them abt her trap,, and her taking direct action to build a bridge between their two teams which was both only possible bc yk. mapicc and minutes inherent bias for some people on the team ANDDDD their sense of honour when it comes to who they choose to fight

like as much as the empire WANTS to be the bad guys this season, its quite funny how they just ARENT (yet) bc they have actual honour and morals in comparison to the blindfold bandits (flame, mane, wemmbu, and pentar i believe) who have been terrorizing the server, especially low heart players, since the beginning.

bc like choosing to protect jumper from clown was just...THE most minute and mapicc thing ever like theyre both just like that; i dont think either of them see any purpose behind terrorizing and hunting players like jumper, pangi, squiddo, etc who both dont really involve themselves in pvp and who dont HAVE the capability to fight back if theyre jumped by someone w like 20 hearts

like dont get me wrong theyll attack players who are weaker than them, theyre not moral and faultless people, like minute killing sb for a heart, mapicc wanting to kill kab for a heart bc he thinks she has too many (before he hit 20 hearts), etc but those are players who have CHOSEN to involve themselves in pvp and to kill other players—

and im crying wait i hate devotion duo so fucking bad bc ive just now realized mapiccs standards for players he will kill vs ones he deems needing his protection if he knows theyre being hunted by like mane, clown, or wemmbu is literally identical to ZAMS own standards for players he will involve himself in conflict for vs those he wont (aka innocent players vs those who choose to involve themselves in Situations)

anyways! im just yapping atp but idc. yeah so mapicc and minutes inherent sense of honour in regards to fighting and pvp on top of hopperclock-duality friendship buff from previous season(s) has lead to one of the most interesting alliances ever like if u could not tell i love and adore this alliance so very much bc the foundation of it is trust and friendship rather than power or how they can benefit one another

they have common enemies for sure, but a lot of what they do doesnt even really involve fighting or conflict. its mostly just spending time together and being silly likeeee jumper and spokes silly4silly friendship, ro helping mapicc stalk zam, chief refusing to trap/kill rek after chat asks bc theyre buddies, etc etc

i really desperately want to see them interact and do more together bc i just wanna see both teams login more ngl but i'd also like to see them just have fun TOGETHER like they did during the pangi wipe out recording during that one session a few weeks ago yk,, i also hope the empire will involve the sticklers in whatever shit they have planned for january bc they allegedly have some evil, devious things planned when minute is more free / available for life steal

i actually just have no idea what im saying anymore ngl ive been typing for over an hr but tysm if u read me yapping abt the empire and the sticklers. it will happen again. /threat

[crimeronan]

im a teenager with seasonal depression and a shitty fatigue causing disability and adhd currently still in highschool and: the way you talk abt minors right to autonomy, and How School Sucks, and everything related to that is. The Most Soothing Shit i hear all day. like. reading some of your posts abt how Good graduating early and being a Problem Child was for you was So Damn Calming.

most ppl immediately go to sooth me with the "but you Are smart, and you just need to try harder!! your life isnt entirely ruined today :) just go to school tomorrow and be Good and Learn and you'll be fineee. you aren't one of the bad ones, Dont Worry :))" and that makes me. invent new types of panic attacks and neuroses on the spot.

but having an Actual Adult whos like "no. school can infact be the fucking Torture pit for some people and it is So Utterly Fucked Up how Anyone can make you do Anything, actually. you arent a bad or damaged person this is Normal and your value isnt dependant on Schooliness. do whatever makes you least likely to kill yourself. you dont owe them shit, especially not being Good. be a problem, take up space."

is. genuinely the nicest thing Ever. to me. like. Makes me Kinda Want To Cry nicest thing ever. anyway yea. thanks for that.

ahh, this is lovely to hear. but i'm so sorry you're going through this.

i remember being in high school in 2011 when the gay teen suicides were national headlines, and everyone had Opinions on it, and the "it gets better" trend was everywhere, and -- while those videos did do a lot of good!! -- they just kind of made me more furious?? because i was so mad at all these adults basically saying, "yeah, high school is an institutional pit of death and horror, but eventually you'll be 18!!" i was like hey. Help Us Now.

it was actually the song "make it stop" by rise against that gave me any peace or sense of belonging, because. here was a band i loved full of straight dudes (as far as i know, anyway) who were just fucking MAD. they were righteously angry!! they gave a fuck what was happening!! and lyrics like "the gatherings hold candles but not their tongues" rang SO true to me, as someone who was dealing with endless "oh, so sad he died, but there was something wrong with his brain" discourse.

the memory of that has made it REALLY easy to hold onto my anger in adulthood. because sometimes kids don't need "it'll be fine, just hang on :)" they need "you're gonna be okay, but FUCK ALL THIS."

it's truly fucking Unconscionable to do what we do even to neurotypical, able-bodied teens with good home lives. i want to say i can't imagine being a teen with chronic fatigue and ADHD going to classes eight hours a day.... but i can!! i did that!! and almost died!!

i honestly think the lack of autonomy in the US school system is traumatic For Everybody. different levels of trauma, for sure! but i think that's part of why adults seem so disconnected from our teen years and can't remember the realities of being an adolescent. we overwrite the horrors.

the good news is: it Does get better after school. astonishingly so.

in the meantime: you don't owe anyone Anything. literally your only job right now is to survive. do whatever you need to do to not kill yourself or end up in jail. don't worry about anything else. i promise it Does Not Matter As Much As People Say It Does.

[kinki-cami]

Yknow im split again on whether or not i would want the affini to exist

Because honestly, truely, if i could literally just have basically star trek with pretty much infinite ethical food, slay but also if it was just like me and my like 8 neighbors (making 10 total people) i wouldnt mind, like just nature and chilling

Cause lets be honest, if you were sad in any way shape or form, even if its simply "i want to go take a 5 hour walk in a real forest" the affini would probably just be like "oh petal dont be sad" and inject you with (i can never remember the class names but i know what they do so) what is essential dopamine/serotonin, and youre pretty much removed of any individuality which. Suuucks. Especially for someone like myself who pretty much never had an opportunity to fully express myself.

Now dont get me wrong i LOVE identity death BUT i wouldnt wanna be erased, instead id rather just be trapped into a paradise of my own making in my mind. Like. I can look at whats happening to my body, buuutttt for the most part i just get to experience things i wanted to but never had the opportunity to, hell, {in the ben sharpiro talks about banning luigi from ssbu meme voice} lets say, hyypothetically, luigi grabs you- kidding! No lets say this scenario did happen, if the affini in charge of me pretty much told my replacement if any trauma was effecting that paradise to tell them and theyd deal with it, that would be even better bc i think i do have trauma considering every fictional character I've ever made that i would use another character that represented me to talk to, ""my"" ""friends"" (the fictional characters) always resent ""me"" (the character that represents me) in some way always using an annoyed tone

So yknow if i were to just exist as essentially a repressed thing in the back of my mind but i have my own little world i get to interact with back there while physical me is completely otherwise braindead from the affini, then i wouldnt mind, but yeah as it stands, uhh yeah i dont like 24/7 bdsm relationships, i want there to be a seperation between sexual me and normal me, especially since there already is a massive divide in that form, only really noticeable in private vs public and edged vs finished

And otherwise if i was in the hdg world and didnt have that option, you know the moment i was left alone after being captured by an affini and they didnt say that theyd do that, id be dead on the floor, probably crying as i die bc i wouldnt know a very good way to die, bc presumably humanity would have found a cure to diabetes by then, i mean considering it might happen by 2026 uhh i could also just inject myself with a lethal amount of insulin and go peacefully although probably panicked, otherwise, assuming theres no non oxygen, non carbon dioxide gas on the ship, yeah i would probably die a pretty painful yet pretty fast death, crying the whole way there bc fuck if i have to chose to basically watch myself lose myself, death, or trapped in my own mind but i dont know i am i would take option 3... unless thats unavailable, then i would take option 2

Now would they try to keep me alive? Yeah probably but then again you cant really recover a stab to the heart, neck, and lungs, or a hanging, or insulin with about 20 minutes of wait time so yknow

Idfk why im talking about this im depressed as FUCK right now but I'm also being real about if i was in that situation because... yeahhhhh but yeah uhh this is definitely a combo of saying "hey heres my solution!" And "fuck i have horrible thoughts i dont want in my head right now i dont know how to get them out without fucking doing something l Iike fucking finding sone way to cut myself, drink alcohol, or literally have enough fucking energy to get up, which i dont have that energy right now sooo yeah uhh fucking no ones going to read this haha its WAYYYYY too late so like 95% of people who follow me arent online and like , lets be real who the fuck is going to like a post about "oh if i was given the chance to remove all ambitions i had in life to just live in pleasure or do that but its all fake OR kill myself, i would kill myself" like. Thats fucked up. And also now that i think about it its like that comic about the time traveler who goes to the future and is given a choice to continue on her journey or experience eternal pleasure as you hallucinate the things you love and are constantly injected with dopamine and she never leaves and it shows basically everyone doing the same thing sooo uhhh yeah good luck finding THIS post sherlock, i doubt even BATMAN could find this post

[our-queer-experience]

I saw a trans person on tiktok talking about deadnames and how trans people need to stop, basically, stop being so sensitive about stuff. She said specifically "I want this cry baby era of trans people to end" and how trans people need to be more accepting of their deadnames and stop letting it hurt when people know them and use them and....I don't know, it just rubbed me the wrong way.

I can understand not letting things get to you and taking the power of transphobes to hurt you away from them, and I can understand that and do that with certain things, but I really disagree with what she said about deadnames.

Im glad she has a good enough relationship with her deadname to use it openly, but for her to say "it's a part of you, its a part of who you are" is just so ignorant. Like, your experience is not universal, no ones experience is universal. And she might just be talking into the void of the internet, but a lot of us are sensitive! I can have thick skin with transphobes and still admit that that stuff hurts my feelings. I'm not going to stop being sensitive inside just because I'm putting a mask on and pretending it doesn't hurt. It hurts.

Im glad she can hear her deadname without cringing, but I've hated my birth name quite literally my entire life. I remember hating it as young as seven. I've never liked it. My name is synonymous with everyone who has ever hurt me, its synonymous with my shitty family. When someone uses that name all I hear is "I don't see you." I don't even like thinking it.

So she can have her experience, and she can call me a cry baby trans person all she wants. But my deadname is not me, it is not a part of me, it has nothing to do with the real me. And if me preferring people calling me a tranny and a faggot over calling me by my deadname makes me a cry baby sensitive trans person then so be it.

i think the biggest problem lots of trans activists have is that we focus on the idea of a universal experience, and if not everyone fits that then, well, they should.

i think its great that trans people are allowed to be sensitive. where i’m positioned…

the friend groups im in and the relationships i have with my friends parents is kinda dependent on me being the good transgender. i’m pretty gender conforming, which is a personal thing, but it allows me a level of trust. for example, if a parent is supportive but just doesn’t understand gnc trans people who arent exclusively homosexual, they feel comfortable asking me rather than the internet, which would probably give them bad information. and if i’m misgendered or deadnamed, i have a “grin and bear it” mentality- not because i want to, but because if i have to explain to those cis friends why puberty blockers for preteens(11-13) are ok, they’re more likely to see me as a serious and trusted source. this even extends to other things- when the “cringy” trans person said acab, one of our friends who isnt too into politics got really reactionary about it. when they came to me, i was capable of explaining it in a way that got him to consider it seriously. even if he’s still pro-cop.

so, yeah. i love it when other trans people are allowed to be sensitive. i love it when we can be angry and sad and anxious and upset without facing consequences, and i think that’s progress

[angy-grrr]

okay help im getting nervous dnksndjasndjndkad this week is going to be a long one IM GOING TO FAINT WHILE WAITING FOR THE CHAPTER ADKAJDKAJDK

explanation under the cut? im just venting kind of about the interpretation of Izuku-Shigaraki and Ochako-Himiko as the "same"

People keep saying they should bond like that in chapter 429 because they both are sad over failing in saving their villains, and feel the same way about them, and I just dont know.

Am I really seeing Ochako and Himiko's interactions as more than what was intended?

They are just so different from Izuku's and Shigaraki's; these have a touching moment like when they bumped heads as children, which was so sad and adorable before AFO decided to get involved, but its just... not the same, right? He didnt cry for him, he wasn't sad because he wanted a world with him in it specifically, but because this isnt what he wanted to do. He feels guilt, and has conflictive emotions over being considered an admirable hero when he killed someone; Spinner's eyes, judging and full of hatred for him, flashing in his mind while being told he inspired someone to move. From my point of view it does affect him of course, but its about their society around them -he asks about how things could be different and tries to be responsible, he acts in order to do what he thinks is right.

Ochako's feeling guilty? Is that really what it is? Is that wound a reminder of her own perceived failure as a hero? Im sure she does feel also guilt, but its that it? Himiko motivated her to go against what was considered right in the script of heroes and villains and went out of her way just to tell her "your smile is cute, I rejected you because I didnt understand how you could look so happy and free to do so, and I envy it". Did Deku ever had something like that with Tomura? I can see how he changed him, yeah, but did he even like him? He didnt know him, not like Ochako did with Himiko, right?

This is why he isn't crying over his death, or was desperate over the idea of him ending like that -he tried his best with what he had, and just like he told Ochako maybe a battle was inevitable but he also wanted to reach out to that inner child; he accepts the battle and is willing to attack as we clearly saw, and at the same time he wanted to stop the pain somehow.

Ochako wasn't willing to hurt her, didnt try even if she hurt her or her friends. They both arent killers and prefer to protect the people around them, but Izuku does hurt him multiple times and doesnt doubt about doing it -his regrets come from being too late, so he wonders if there are ways to intervene before and avoid this much pain from forming. Ochako and Himiko do have a feeling of what could have happened if I just met you before, Toga directly wonders about it. Am I reading it wrong if I see them as different? Their relationship is just more personal and emotional to me, so Ochako here is crying and was crying over losing Himiko. When she remembers in that moment the cliff scene and Izuku's words about maybe a battle being inevitable but not ignoring what he saw deep inside him... shes not glad or happy about reaching to Himiko's sadness, because it led to her disappearing and willing to die for her. She starts crying and I just see it as her realizing this doesnt make anything better, she wants her to be alive. She got into her heart, and its not enough if she dies.

She preferred to die, before letting Himiko to sacrifice herself for her.

Are Izuku and Ochako truly feeling the same for the villains? So many people think they share this guilt, and just handle it differently. That this is about failing in saving them, and wanting to be a different type of hero.

Am I just reading it all wrong?

[eldrbraus]

TWISTED WONDERLAND BOOK 7 CHAPTER 2 SPOILERS. (summary, kinda. dont trust me a lot on literal translations its more of a general summary and i could be wrong with some things. also its kind of live reaction so. yeah. this shit is long btw. too much lore.)

no spoilers in tags, but beware that i will be spoiling the whole chapter for people who cant wait for the full translation/people who cant read it

we begin.

>lilia is asking malleus to use the dorm for a “im going away lol” party that apparently the whole dorm is organizing??? damn lilia way to make malleus sad lmao

>MALLEUS IS INVITED!!!!!!! HES INVITED HE GOT AN INVITATION AND EVERYTHING!!! SOBS. he even accepts it this is a glorious day for dragonchan

>uhhh something i dont fully understand but goes along the lines of malleus.. had gao gao kun.. FOR 17 YEARS??? AND WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THE TOY HE WOULD GO TO LILIAS HOUSE FOR HIM TO HELP HIM??? omg thats so fucking cute help

>basically more talk about how time goes away way too fast for malleus

>lilia comments how the more time you spend with someone the harder it is to say goodbye (bestie arent you going away like too easily then? sus.)

>lilia left and OOP. MORE MALLEUS BLOT. NOT GOOD. malmal is very confused??

>lilia goodbye party already??? wtf thats fast

>so apparently every single character is going to be here (almost...)

>hmh where the fuck is malleus? lol what

>trey says something along the lines of lilia having a hmmmmmm unique??? way of cooking LMAO. lilia thanks trey for his cooking advice (YOU DIDNT LISTEN EVEN ONCE WHAT THE FUCK LILIAAA)

>cater....... hes so sad about lilia leaving the music club :((( he thanks lilia for being friends and they take a pic together waaaaa ;;

>lmao leona appeared and lilia is teasing him so much bcs leona is glad to not see lilia again

>LEONA WANTS TO LEAVE BUT RUGGIE SAID “NO??? THIS IS FREE FOOD??? R U DUMB” HELP

>octavinelle time! lilia basically gives all of them advice (azul dont be too greedy or it will kill you wwwww)

>floyd says something like “why are you leaving actually” and lilia says something along the lines of “i dont want you to see the ?? me?” the what you i didnt understand that part what are you hiding little bitch

>KALIM BASICALLY SAID THAT IF LILIA GOES TO HIS COUNTRY HE WOULD HAVE VIP TREATMENT FROM HIS FAMILY HELLO? and jamil comments how kalim wanted to gift him an instrument but they needed a TRUCK TO MOVE IT???? tf were you giving him, an organ?

>now to pomefiore, vil comments how malleus restored his beauty at the end of book 6 and wonders if they can do a magic transfer (?) of the same type to lilia and he says nah

>BECAUSE HES JUST OLD

>pomefiore is like ? arent you the same age as us

>LORE BOMBSHELL, LILIA SAYS HES ALMOST 700 YEARS OLD??????? (way less than i expected?? lol)

>LMAO THEYRE SO SURPRISED. rook asked if malleus is as old as lilia and lilia said that malleus is younger??? or that hes as old as them??? i didnt get that very well but something along the lines of malleus being way younger than lilia basically

>lilias family members are supposed to reach 1000 years old but apparently lilia was to eager? well not that, like he fucked up by playing too many games and that somehow made him old very fast? what (i think this might be a misstranslation help because it doesnt make a lot of sense. but something along the lines of lilia being 700 or so and his family being much older usually but him not reaching that age)

>cant remember exactly where it was but lilia also coments about how the dragons usually live much longer and that 1000 years for them is like peak maturity, when they become adults

>IDIA IS CRYING BECAUSE HIS GAMER FRIEND IS RETIRING FROM GAMING BUT HE WONT FUCKING CONNECT THE DOTS AND REALIZE ITS LILIA LMAO

>HE FORGOT TO ASK HIM HIS CONTACTS HELPPPPP

>also apparently him and lilia were their own best and first friends in online games?

>oh malleus and silver time! theyre in the main road to the main building 

>malleus is throwing a mild tantrum (?) and he made snow??? apparently

>silver fucking crying because he wasnt able to do anything for his dad bruh malleus feels the same

>more malleus blot?? what the fuck thats fast

>UH OH MALLEUS HAS AN IDEA. that cant be good.

>back to the party, first years time

>basically all thank lilia for everything

>i think ortho knows about lilia and idia being gamer friends but wont tell them??? he just said that idia didnt want to come and hands lilia a list of everything idia is playing (and lilia is surpised because most of the games are the same BUT HE WONT REALIZE) so maybe they can play a match before he retires i guess???? theyre so close to finding out but they wont fucking do it im going insane

>idia didnt come to the aprty btw he is the only character that is not there because he was mourning his friend quitting the game lmao

>lilia thanks yuu once again for being friends with malleus?

>HUH? A DREAM???? BUT YUU IS NOT ASLEEP TF

>yuu asks lilia if they can do anything for him and lilia asks the first years to be friends with sebek because poor croc hasnt made a single friend rip

>lilia apologized for sebeks behaviour bcs ace i believe said that he was so rude and said to sebek to behave but sebek.... refuses? lol

>LILIA IS GOING ALREADY AND MALLEUS AND SILVER ARE NOT BACK YET STOP.

>apparently lilias card for nrc arrived 500 years ago but he didnt care back then? so when malleus received his much later he went along with him (and he thanks crowley for letting him enter the school 500 years later lol)

>LILIA IS GOING

>MALLEUS AND SILVER ARRIVED ON TIME!

>malleus is really happy everyone is there

>??? the party said that no gift was needed but malleus is brining lilia a gift anyways, a “blessing”. uhhhh. 

>m. malleus is like way too happy about this. hes saying something along the lines of “today we dont celebrate an end but a beginning” uh. not good.

>this bitch is way too happy tf

>BASICALLY MALLEUS PLAN IS THE MUGEN TSUKUYOMI HELP?

>ORTHO IMMEDIATELY DETECTED BLOT RISING

>crowley is fucking alarmed and he lets everyone use their magic 

>malleus regular battle HE HAS 300K HP AND REGENS 60K EVERY SINGLE TURN??????? BASICALLY AN IMPOSSIBLE BATTLE LIKE THE FIRST BATTLE IN THE GAME AGAINST THE CHIMERA

>you will lose this battle

>lilia tried to make magic to stop him but says something like “this body cant even do magic like that anymore?!” tf you mean “this body” do you have other bodies like dottore or what

>everyone is scared shitless HUH

>lilia is now insulting malleus calling him a dumbass or smth and saying that he doesnt know what hes doing and malleus screams that hes doing this to not lose him HELP

>sebek and silver are trying to calm things down, it obviously doesnt work

>malleus says something about grabbing his hand??? scary

>he gave his blessing! its a long ass spell btw. i think his “blessing” is his unique magic

>DAMN THAT LILIA SCREAM

>MALLEUS FUCKING OVERBLOTS. ALREADY???

>THE WHOLE SCHOOL WAS COVERED IN THORNS AND EVERYONE FALLS ASLEEP???

>malleus saying something about 1000 years will pass very quick wtf

>”you will become the heroes of the story”? malmal says something like that

>AND NOW

>AND FUCKING NOW

>WE RETURN TO THE TWISTED WONDERLAND LOGO. THE ONE FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME. WHILE MALLEUS HUMMS ONCE UPON A DREAM.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.

THE TIME LOOP THEORY? HUH?

[junee-e]

NEW JUNO EPISODE!!!

(im reasonably early this time lets go)

ramblings and random thoughts follow :D

who’s this chip guy i love him he’s so silly

ive decided i dont like the pet guy hes insulted my new favourite character chip hoffman

‘no he said he didnt like me…and when you think about it thats sort of a challenge’ REAL i love this guy

‘i knew i’d need some help to turn the mood in my favour so i poisoned everyone :D’ cHIP OH MY GOD

bro really posioned everyone and was like ‘you know what everyone else has passed out this would be a great time for some family bonding’ and honestly gotta respect him for that

hey what if lydia…..doesnt seem poisoned…..chip…..does…..but also chip is….a silly guy…..and now i’m…..confused

im suspicious of the bird guy he seems mean :[

WAIT NO IS CHIP A BAD PERSON NO MY BOY WAIT NO

ive got attached to a criminal in 15minutes kevin why and how?

i say that as if 3/4 of the people in this podcast arent also criminals and arent also my favourite

juno being in wonder of of chips plan to just pretend to pass out for literal hours to avoid talking about something…..juno…..juno no…..

OOOOO THE DARK MATTERS STREAM FIRST MENTION (i think maybe im wrong) OOOOOO

HE THOUGHT THEY SPLIT UP BECAUSE OF THE BIRD AHAHAHAHA

ok ok lydia she seems kinda mean but also like…..reasonably straighforward? i dont know if i like her?

OH I DO NOT LIKE THE BIRD GUY FUCK HIM HE IS TERRIBLE

you know what i still love chip stealing from the bird guy is justified

yeahhhh she never had the poison fish!!! im right all the time ever about everything

*rita, very excited*: ‘oh boy whodunnit mista steel??’ rita is so me i love her

‘monty has a habit of repeating things?’ ‘repeating things??’ ‘repeating things.’ LMAO i love this show

WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS THE DEATH OF A BIRD SO SAD IM CRYING WHAT THE FUCK

‘whoever your searching for, they arent going to fill the hole you think they will. nobody ever does.’ NO SHUT UP. JUNO DONT STOP LOOKING FOR NUREYEV PLEASE

‘we are not puzzle pieces destined to click together’. BUT THEY ARE NO

‘do you recognise that?’ ‘i do. but i need to find him Dr Hoffman. He’s in trouble’. HELL YES JUNO ASJKDFKSJGE

fuck yeah we really got the best ending: dont help the piece of shit bird man, help the nice lady, still get what we need

the fact that the moment juno says ‘we’ i know hes talking about nureyev…..*insert sounds of me screming into a pillow*

‘what nureyev was offering was the kind of clean cut lydia was talking about. the chance to start fresh somewhere else….with someone else.’ BUT YA DIDNT

AND HES STILL LOOKING FOR NUREYEV LETS GOOO :D

THE ?DOKANA? (i dont know how to say it) GROUP A NEW LEAD YAYYYY

THEY’RE GETTING CLOSE?????

DOES RITA NOT KNOW ABOUT SLIP????

‘and of course lydia hoffman. she seemed like the happiest of the sad and she’d done it by cutting ties with her past cleanly’ ISTG IF THIS SEASON ENDS WITH JUPETER LEAVING EACHOTHER I WILL NOT SURVIVE

annndd thats the end. we got new answers new leads new angst. i am not ok.

[thegeminisage]

it IS tng update time. saturday we watched "relics" and "schisms" and last night* we did "true q" and "rascals."

*times altered bc as usual im typing this up late at night

relics:

oh boy. ohhh my god

so like, i'd like to preface this with: i am not a scotty stan or anything. don't get me wrong i love the guy and i'm fascinated by the way he tricked me into thinking he had all ten fingers. like he's v fun and all. but im not like Extremely Emotionally Invested In Scotty. all right. that said

I CRIED. LIKE A BABY. no one was more shocked than i was. actually i'm sure catherine was not shocked at all

i didn't cry when he first showed up which is what i suaully do when i see spock. no, no, no, no. it was when he went to the holodeck and created the fucking BRIDGE OF THE ENTERPRISE. and they played the main theme!!! the sound effects were even the same!!!!!!! and like all his friends are dead now except spock and bones and bones frankly has one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel!!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER BEEN SO UPSET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

chronologically, this is also the last time we'll ever see a tos cast member coming back to reprise their role except for aos spock and um. an appearance which i do not wish to discuss now or ever. anyway it's definitely the last time in tng proper. and like yeah we have aos and snw and everything but those guys arent the OGs. AUGH.

also wah him saying the doctors are prettier on this enterprise. thats SO MEAN TO BONES………………….i miss him so bad and he's WAY prettier than beverly sorry beverly

i definitely wanted to kill geordi for yelling at scotty when he tried to tell his old man stories. im glad they hung out for the rest of the episode and that geordi treated him really niceys but it still felt a teensy bit patronizing of him at first like he was just doing it because picard told him to make scotty feel useful

THAT SAID. for once, i am pro picard, because picard is a giant nerd and he wanted to listen to scotty's old man stories as much as i did. not that i got to enjoy them while being blinded by tears. i'm actually genuinely tearing up right now while typing this just thinking about it. i think it was genuinely compassionate for picard to want to give scotty something he could genuinely help with in a way that WASN'T patronizing. like old people are just regular people you know. we all get old one day if we're lucky

spotted scotty's missing finger twice, which is two more times than i spotted it in my original watch of tos.

he remembered how to hide the missing finger (mostly) but forgot how to do his fake scottish accent. in his defense it's been ages and he was old but it was still funny

synthehol is wack. it's just another way in which there's no work-life boundary in tng. you're always on call, so you can never get drunk. you will NEVER have personal time aboard this ship. they can call you in your son's parent-teacher meeting. they can call you during birthday parties. you cannot raise your children here. but they do. anyway.

IT'S GREEN!!! i remember seeing a gifset of data floating around saying that to somebody, and then later i saw a gifset of scotty saying it in tos, but i didn't realize data was talking TO SOCTTY i thought it was just a reference!!!!!!! there were actually sooo many tos references in this episode, i was so pleased to hav caught them all <3

looooooved the dyson sphere. that was genuinely so fucking fascinating and it was the b plot!!!!! why can't it be the a plot!!!! it was so cool looking

i thot for a sec they were gonna kill scotty at the end and got REALLY worried but they didn't and he decided not to retire after all and good for him <3

anyway. that cry felt like a full-body workout. horrific.

schisms:

OFF GOES RIKER TO THE COFFEE SHOP

i waited so long to see the episode that gifset is from and it did NOT disappoint

my one sour note re: this ep was the beginning with data's poetry. can we please be nice to him and not loudly fall asleep in the front row. i know the circumstances are highly extenuating. i of all people understand sleep deprivation, which i am currently experiencing even as i type. but that was just rude!!! could he not have simply explained he was unwell and unable to attend!!!!!!! the crowd being restless was terrible. if you simply tell him that he has to have a limit on his poems he would understand. i'm glad geordi was an honest critic when data asked later but i would have liked to see data's results after incorporating his feedback. ok anyway

firstly, i loved when a little guy is sleep deprived. it was great when sam winchester did it and also great when riker does it

SECONDLY, that whole sequence with the table was fucking insane. everything getting darker and darker both literally and metaphorically and deanna starting to look uneasy near the end and riker's eyes being ABSOLUTELY HAUNTED and that table was basically like a chair, anyway

when they were like "yeah the aliens cut off your arm and reattached it" READER I HOLLERED. you can't just put a guy on a chair and tear his arm off and then make him forget stuff. please. it's been nearly 10 years.

when he's like theyre gonna take me again whether i want them to or not. yeah man they sure are. this isn't quite riker roulette but it is definitely adjacent

i think the best cure for insomnia is to be absolutely terrified of going to bed because you're still in uniform and have a tracking device on you because you are about to get abducted by fucking aliens. who could resist sleep after that.

i did wonder why he laid on the table so long before attempting his escape when time was precious but i doubt i could have done any better in his shoes. i sure did love the way that knife thing hung right above his neck though. i'm pretty sure we spent that entire scene hollering DISMEMBER HIM. TRAUMATIZE HIM!! and then they didn't <3 but i'm not even mad about it

anyway. 10/10 episode they need more space horror in star trek bc it's always fun. i remember reading that tos was originally meant to be space horror-y, but i found the pacing of those earliest episodes waaaay too slow. i want a star trek show with more dismemberment though.

true q:

mistakenly thot this episode was named qpid (got it mixed up) and was hoping for more of q wanting to fuck picard to so bad it makes him look stupid but all we got was one little arm around his shoulder. which was REALLLY funny because picard instantly made a face like he'd eaten sour lemon but we deserved more. to reiterate i do NOT want them to fuck i think the dynamic of q wanting to fuck and picard preferring to die first is the funniest possible set of circumstances

instead, q constantly displays predatory body language towards this EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. he leans really close to her and whispers in her ear and all that stuff and i did Not like it

i kept waiting for this girl to secretly be his child, or for her parents to have once been friends with him, but they literally were just randos to each other. disappointing, especially after he vanished while she was having her emotional moment on seeing their faces

where do the puppies go when she vanishes them? do they cease to exist?? did she just kill 12 puppies on screen???? too horrible to contemplate. i wish i could make kittens out of thin air though. actually that would be a terrible power the world is overpopulated with kittens as it is but STILL.

i want to know more about the weather altering net. we could have an entire episode about that alone. you just...got rid of tornadoes? and forest fires? did you fix climate change??

riker almost being killed by an empty barrel sent me into fits. they didn't strap them down after what happened to worf? this spaceship gets jostled horrifically EVERY EPISODE. what are they thinking!!!!!!!!!

RIKER ROULETTE STRIKES AGAIN. her bringing him to the alternate dimension and trying to lay on the moves was bad enough but using her powers to MAKE HIM START KISSING HER? HELLO???? i'm still mad they wrote an episode about rape and just used it for deanna fetish fuel instead of actually discussing what this poor guy goes through. why is it somehow ok/not noteworthy when it's men. come on now

it was kind of silly to have this girl go "no way im a human forever" and then immediately solve climate change on this other planet because her lil crush (/VICTIM???) was down there. like that was so rushed and weird

ultimately not a very good episode. i only like one thing about q and they did NOT deliver. he was also a misogynist to beverly once...like, die

rascals:

this got a 1 on letswatchstartrek.com and i simply disagree. i would have given it a 2 or mmmaybe 3. well no probably a 2 but STILL. first of all, tng's children are ALWAYS charming, and these guys were no exception, save possibly the kid who was playing picard, who was fine until the tantrum scene/riker's son bit, at which point i wanted to die

i never want to hear riker say daddy again.

i HAAAATE the ferengi theyre racist theyre misogynist i HATE THEM.

i felt like there was a missed opportunity with obrien and keiko to have him be cool about it, instead of awkward like everyone else. like i obviously dont think they should be canoodling or anything, gross, but there's nothing wrong with a little platonic compassion. he got there in the end ig but idk it would've made a nice contrast

how old is their fucking baby??? i just looked it up and she was born at the beginning of season 5...her ass is NOT old enough to be talking yet let alone full complete clear sentences??????

anyway speaking of compassion............GUINAN AND RO

i actually unironically loved ro's little arc here. anyone who had a shitty childhood will tell you they'd cut off their arm before going back, but she had to go back anyway, and guinan neither pitied her nor minimized anything she'd gone through. instead she got to occupy that space in a totally harmless way and receive a little closure. while the rest of this episode was okay-ish to maybe less than okayish (i NEVER want to hear riker say daddy EVER again) ro's little bit was so so so good.

re: ro...i love that we don't constantly bring her past and situation up as if it's the only thing about her but nor do we shy away from it and how it's shaped her and the narrative has never once suggested she's too harsh or too angry or whatever. of course with a season and a half left there's still time to ruin it but so far her whole thing has been one of the very few instances where tng is doing everything wonderfully.

NEXT TIME: "a fistful of datas" (noooo it's a holodeck episode) and "the quality of life."

[wormbloggign]

“I think you’re off target,” I said. “You’re talking about Foil, I get it, and Parian, and now the Chicago Wards and Glenn. But all of the decisions they made were when I wasn’t anywhere near them. Unless you’re implying I have some sort of mind control.”

yeah taylor, about that,, your category of control is attributed to insects but it also includes crustaceans, cephalopods, arachnids, not to mention the microscopic parasites and WORMS. it seems your category of control is a lot more open than you think, possibly even able to expand.

all im saying is mind control isnt that far off.

i dont think taylors ever snap decided someone to be bad just because of how they interpret and summarise her actions, i wonder whats different here

We won, I thought.  We beat him, and you’re quibbling over details.

ah, she doesnt consider her actions here wrong.

that's how canary gets out? i had ideas but none of them were endbringer fodder

We won, you bastards.  I clenched my fists beneath the table.

this is really getting to her, fuck.

how arent they noticing this? bugs dont go this ignored, especially if someone in the room is a bug master, am i going crazy?

she's been caught from the start, damn.

…He won’t have our assistance, I thought. I heard the words, and my bugs spoke them.  Every bug, within the building, repeated him, verbatim.  The good, the bad, the details that damned me.  It wasn’t a question of finding the right person, or saying the right thing.  It was everyone, saying everything.

!!!

whent things go bad, taylor spot checks, when things get worse SHE SPOT CHECKS HARDER

“It’s exactly what Chevalier wanted,” I said. My eyes dropped to the table. I didn’t meet his gaze, didn’t try to engage the visitors. “Open, honest. Exposing the rot at the center.”

YYEEEAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH

what does the chief director mean by that... taylors right, they were opposed from the get go.

if chief west was on her side, that would mean very disturbing things for the PRT (cauldron compliant)

“You want me to make a move. Powerful enough to shake them, break the status quo, not powerful or blatant enough to break my probation or give them an excuse to drop the book on me.”

given that she was always going to do the first half, (this is taylor after all) glenns basically just asking her to hold back and be careful

ugly crying.

uglier crying.

UGLIEST CRYING.

.

okay im back

“This space was for vehicles, but Stardust graduated three years ago, died a year after joining the Protectorate. We’ve been using it for storing paperwork, and your moving in was a good excuse to get some things sorted out. Your workshop.”

yesssss textile manufacturingg :):):)

maybe?? taylor MAYBE????

STOOPPP

oh it was hazing, i was really worried about the direction of the story for a bit there

“Don’t sue me for sexual harassment,” Annex told me. I smiled a little.  “I’m not going to sue.  I’ve been around people who did worse.”

taylors the kind of person who people apologise to after she talks about stuff shes gone through

i want to like these guys, i really do.

lets hope they get more development and become more distinct

(i've already forgotten who has what powers)

[quodekash]

ABAAB OS2 EPISODE 2 TIME 

i love him with all my soul, your honour 

vehicular theft. nice one, cher. real classy. 

HES SO SILLY I LOVE HIM 

STRANGER DANGER 

sir why do you have an american flag on your arm 

why america 

THEYRE BOTH SO DRAMATIC 

I LOVE THEM 

imagine the shenanigans they get into. just on a normal day. 

i want to know what work was like before cher was an intern 

cos their friendship is so damn precious 

i love them both so much 

so so so much 

and they both have IMMACULATE hair 

✨pizzaz✨

i love him 

are- are you sure? 

now im just thinking about that pomegranate i ate for the first time while watching this exact series a few weeks back 

it took forever to eat 

and was a mess 

and the mess looked like blood 

but MAN it was good 

HIS FREAKING FACE- I CANT 

this snapshot is just. perfection. i love them so much 

this feels like my brain 

hes trying so hard not to laugh 

i love him 

and his perfect hair 

have i mentioned his hair enough today? 

i dont think so 

I LOVE JACKS HAIR SO MUCH GUYS 

IDK IF YOU KNEW 

BUT HIS HAIR IS PERFECTION 

SO POOFY AND CURLY AND SHRFBGHDRBFHG 

“i used the food delivery app” dANG IT THAT’S GENIUS 

an epson printer? not a canon printer? and he’s getting angry at it rather than listing all its good qualities? 

guys i think they have something against epson printers 

maybe theres some long-time rivalry between epson and canon 

dang it now im thinking of bad buddy and therefore of a romance story between two printer brands 

what is wrong with me 

why does the lighting keep doing that thing 

AA 

MAN 

AMERICAN MAN 

DIE 

IM SWATTING MY SCREEN LIKE THERES A FREAKING BUG 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE 

WHY IS THERE A WHITE AMERICAN MAN 

anyway, cher, i think youve bitten off more than you can chew 

this entire thing is so fun and i fully support the idea, but when it comes to the actual businessy stuff, you kind of need gun to do it. hes the boss and hes the one that knows what the guy actually said, and hes also the one who actually owns the company. so. yeah. 

oh 

never mind hes actually doing pretty well 

that was unexpected 

yayyyy cher did good 

YAYYY GUN IS REALISING HES MEAN 

YAYYY THATS AN AWESOME GAME IDEA 

i love this so much 

go to sleep 

(look at his hair) 

why that shirt. what is it with all the america stuff today. 

omg theyre eating spicy chicken thats hilarious 

“5 orders each” oh gosh theyre gonna make all the orders dirty arent they 

THE SUZUKI CAR SPONORSHIP AGAIN 

OMG HE HAS TO SHOUT HIS LOVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD 

I LOVE THIS 

“youre not just a lover, cher. you’re my life partner.” BROOO IM GONNA CRY 

“cher, im ordering you to lie down” did i not say it. 

oh 

oh okay then that wasnt dirty??? 

cher’s last one will be, surely 

“im ordering you to love only me forever” well that was both expected and unexpected 

they smooch :33 

AAAAAAAAA BAD BUDDY IN THREE DAYS 

HELLLPPPPPP 

IM GONNA CRY 

PATPRAN ARE COMING BACK TO US GUYS 

THEYRE COMING BACK 

ONLY FOR TWO DAYS, BUT THEYRE COMING BACK 

GEIJKFDNGBJKRFB 

anyway THAT WAS SO GOOD, ABAAB IS SO GOOD, PEOPLE 

THERE WASNT EVEN ANY ANGST 

THE ONLY TIMES I CRIED WAS OUT OF LOVE+HAPPINESS 

ERDKGBTIUFKJBHTRK I LOVE THIS 

im so excited for wednesday night 

[matrixwhore]

It was claudia's choice to stay and make the new house rules though?? she could've said no and simply left before louis let lestat back in the house but she didn't want to go without him. but i think once she agreed on the terms, whats so unreasonable about louis expecting she would also try to make the family work.. but she's acting that way because she knows things louis doesn't yet know in that scene. he thinks everyone's making an effort except her so he's scolding her for disturbing what he believes is their hard earned peace (which we later find out actually all that was a lie).

i mean yeah, but shes also 14. and black. and a girl. she can leave and go where? and how long will she survive on her own? she can’t leave anymore than louis? why am i to be understanding about louis staying and not understanding about her staying?

i felt that from a place of having seen the impact of bringing an abuser back in the home from her perspective. of a parent that denies the abuse a child is facing and berates them for how they respond and the symptoms of trauma that brings up in them. of having someone talk to you like they arent connecting the dots or at least making room to say it makes sense why youre acting this way. but this isnt helping. this goes into him not being able to really guid her through this. and i get why. i just feel her frustration. bc i have seen it. i have heard it. i have felt it. why would i reduce her behavior and anger to her plotting and not see the full breath of the betrayal and anger? shes not just acting that way because louis doesn’t know. shes acting that way bc she has a perspective that doesnt matter in the grand scheme of things that rule didn’t stand a chance. lestat does not abide by rules.

she didnt believe lestat bc lestat as been saying he’s gonna be done w Antoinette since before she was even in the picture. im not blaming louis for believing him. but lestat manipulated his way in. claudia isnt gonna just go along with that. bc she can see that. people have joked about how louis would have taken him back sooner if claudia wasnt even there. and it angers her that louis believed him. and i understand why he believed him. im asking. why doesnt claudia get gentleness too.

why doesnt louis say hey please stop with that for all the reasons that was brought up. why call her ugly?? why do that?? he made a 14 year old vampire immortal and locked into her 14 year old sensibilities why expect something else? hes tired and going through his own mental illness and trauma symptoms and he believes her to be the only one not trying. but in his reasons for how lestat is trying is he cut it off with the singer. well thats a reason centered around loustat. and for claudia piano lessons etc. but how is he taking care to amend the break he caused in their relationship? is she really the only one not trying??

thats what im saying. i know why he’s behaving that way. and im angry about how that impacts claudia. and im angry about how he’s impacted by the abuse. but he chose to show her that anger and irritation and that rubs me the wrong way. i have had kids crying to me about how they feel they nahave neither parent. bc it could have been “i know you only giving him what he gives you but thats not you.” instead it was “your ugly” bc its the trauma show.

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP37 SPOILERS!

im a bit late bc i was at work all day but time for ep37 reactions!! i cant believe its already here

- now ive heard everyone talking about the intro i bet its gonna be a rickroll or some shit

- ITS FUCKINF ALL STAR. I KNEW THEY WOULD PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS

- A TEENAGE GIRLS PARENT JUST GOT SHOT AND KILLED AND UR PLAYING ALL STAR.

- hermie mention in the intro im so calm and cool and chill about this /j

- "ur enough as u are" AINT NO WAY UR ABOUT TO MAKE ME START CRYING OVER A PARODY OF SMASH MOUTHS ALL STAR. WHY DID U HAVE TO PULL OUT THE BIG GUNS

- I DONT WANT THE TAYLOR VOICE CHANGE GOD NO

- MATT IM SCREAMING

- WILL CAMPOS U ABSOLUTE MADMAN. i already knew he was gonna find a way around using revivify but THAT WAS WILD

- are people gonna start drawing normal w that piece of jewelry now. bc i wanna. i already like drawing him w bracelets

- oh god what is beths fact gonna be.

- "i just keep meeting all the right people at all the wrong times" BETH MAY U ARE EVIL. THE PLOT OF THIS EPISODE HASNT EVEN STARTED AND IM ALREADY EMO

- ITS STARTING. OH NO

- NICKY BETTER FUCKING SHOW UP im curious to see what they actually decided on for the reason for him not being there last episode

- HERMIE WAS REMEMBERED giggles and kicks my feet

- TAYLOR AND LINCOLN ARENT AWARE THAT TERRY IS DEAD RN.

- were getting terris reaction rn i cant believe this is happening

- IM starting to feel sick godddd

- i bet im gonna see art of the lincoln and taylor piggyback ride hehe

- OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD TERRIS ASLEEP THIS MEANS WERE GONNA GET SCARY BACK. ALSO IS SHE GONNA SEE WILLY OH NOOOO

- NO NO NO NO NONONO

- "theres my girl" STFUUUUUU

- DOES SCARY REMEMBER ANYTHING??? DOES SHE KNOW WHATS GOING ON????

- "just wake him up" I. HATE. THIS EPSIODE

- SCARY GETTING CHOKED UP I CANT DO THIS

- TERRY DIDNT EVEN NEED TO DIE FUCK THIS

- "whoooa shit thats fucked up!" anthony burch i know u are just so incredibly pleased w urself.

- SCARYS STILL PRETENDING LIKE SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT TERRY. JUST FEEL UR FEELINGS GIRL GOOD GOD

- "EMBARRASSING"??? FOR A KID TO BE UPSET THAT ONE OF THEIR PARENTS GOT MURDERED???? WILLY STAMPLER WTF IS WRONG W U

- there was never a more obvious lie than willy saying hell revive terry

- 19 INSIGHT LETS GOOO

- THATS RIGHT SCARY. STAND THE FUCK UP TO HIM

- NORMAL DESPERATELY TRYING TO HELP AWWWW MAN :[[ I HATE THIS

- PUTS MY HEAD IN MY HANDS. THIS IS SO DEEPLY UPSETTING

- WHEN WE SAID WE WANTED MORE SCARY AND NORMAL INTERACTIONS WE DIDNT THINK ITD BE LIKE THIS!!!

- THE TWINS ARE HERE NOW OMG

- beth is out for fucking blood this episode. god she is so good at making the audience feel for her characters

- SHES TELEPORTING TO GRANT?? IM NOT READY YET

- "hes dangerous! get away from him!" THE FACT THAT THIS IS LINCOLN SAYING THIS ABOUT GRANT BREAKS MY HEART

- SCARY HAS A GUN FUCK YEAH!!!

- FIRST HERMIE SPEAKING LINE OF THE EPISODE YIPPEEEE

- halfway through the episode now. cant wait to see what could possibly go wrong next!!

- i love whenever anthony allows a fun rulebreaking idea to work

- IDK WHY THE IDEA OF THE KIDDADS HAVING A GC IS SO FUNNY TO ME

- rons status remains a mystery....

- "we could do a whole scene w just hermie and all the other ones" u joke matt but i enjoy every scene w hermie no matter how unnecessary and drawn out

- as always linc and taylor are such a funny iconic duo

- WERE FINALLY GETTING ANGRY NORMAL??? FINALLY????

- WILL WITHDRAWING HIS COOL MOVE LMAO

- i just realized WE STILL HAVENT SEEN NICKY!!! GODDAMN!!!

- "the gayest fucking mecha of all time" swiftli fans do u like the new ship name /j

- ig i cannot deny it anymore swiftli is practically canon atp

- NICKY!!!! NICKY!!!!! I SHOT STRAIGHT UP IN MY SEAT

- NICKY AND HERMIE ARE FINALLY INTERACTING. PRAISE THE LORD

- i thought nicky got all his limbs back?? did anthony just forget

- btw ive probably been waking up my whole house w how hard im laughing over swiftli this episode

- LINCOLNS GONNA PUNCH GRANT WHOA. WHOA

- "so what are u gonna do, ur gonna kill me?" as i said before. i hate this episode.

- SCARY OBLITERATED PAPA JOHN SO FAST WHOA.

- THE DUNGEON SETUP VS THE TONE OF THE EPISODE HELPPP

- i just had such a weird thought/prediction. but i will hold my tongue. bc the last time i said something like this it came true and i do not want this to come true

- IS SCARY GONNA BREAK IT W LOVE FOR TERRY. I CANT DO THIS

- "i love u and i hate that u made me love u when u are who u are and u knew it." I WISH U COULD SEE MY FUCKING FACE RN. HOLYYY SHIT THATS DEVASTATING

- oh. my. good. lord.

- GUYS????? I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW. HOLY FUCK. THAT WAS HEAVY AS SHIT

[usertoxicyaoi]

ill be honest with you faiza. i truly dont want be negative but i dont think sungho will ever choose junseong. even if he says hes indecisive between him and seonwoo, he'll always choose seonwoo in the end as long as he keeps giving him any hope. and im not saying sungho doesnt like junseong, they clearly get along so well, even if nothing else happens their relationship as friends or something else makes my heart warm, anyone can see it, but he keeps saying that since he's never had a chance to be on a date with him he doesn't know but they've been together so many times... they were roommates too...

it breaks my heart because you can see that since the beginning junseong has never lied and has never jumped between people. his heart has always been in the same direction and he has never played with anyones feelings, truthfully he's i think the only person, or at least the one i respect the most in that house.

you can also see that he himself has no hopes either, he's like "i dont think he'll choose me but ill pursue him anyway because that's just how much i like and feel for him". there's also that scene where he cries and i know the trailer is edited in a way where the context for most scenes is all wrong but... to see him cry, i can tell it's not because of something good. i hate to see someone im rooting for going after someone that might never show any interest in them, it hurts a bit to see. (this is not me hating on sungho!! love that cutie but i just dont know...i know he's not trying to be hurtful on purpose its just how these things are)

i try to not get involved in dating shows because these things never go well but maybe its because im queer too and i feel different about a dating show dedicated to queer people. and maybe its also because i just feel for junseong and i just want him to be happy but im truly nervous about the next episodes... im sorry to just write so much about this to you but i started watching this because of you so you should feel responsible!

hiiii anon!!!

oh anon, i know what you mean. i truly do love junsung from the bottom of my heart. he's from one of the few people who have just. remained true and genuine. and its how much he likes sungho and how clear as day he is about it, but at the same time, never putting any stress or pressure on sungho. he's so selfless but will stand his ground and is determined and its everything you'd want.

and i get what u mean. theres this fear that all seunwoo has to do is give an inch and sungho will go to him. and that might happen. but, as of now, sungho said in ep 7 that he feels equally for them both. truth is it hurt seeing just how stressed sungho looked tbh. he doesnt want to hurt anyone with the decisions he makes and none of it comes from a place of malice.

but i also wanna say that sungho isnt naive. he isnt stupid. he clearly can read seunwoo and junsung and their body language so well. he observes it all. and he's starting to notice seunwoo for the people pleaser that he is. and at some point sungho's got to make that call of what it is he wants to go for, but he isnt stupid. so, yeah, i havent given up hope on 2sung just yet, not at all. we're only halfway through the show!

what we are all certain on is that junsung will keep fighting till the end for sungho's affection.

and i also feel like saying that, yeah, the phonecalls are a huge part of the show, but they arent the be all and end all. i know we're all, just like junsung, waiting for sungho to choose junsung and ring him, but there's so so much sungho has done and shown outside of that that shows his feelings towards junsung. and i think that matters just as much. the notes, the choosing junsung as his roommate again, all the little things in episode 7 between them, there is so much warmth and genuine affection sungho has towards junsung too. and that keeps junsung going, makes it worth it bc sungho is giving something back to him too.

of course, its sungho's call to make at the end of the day, but i wouldnt get disheartened just yet!

[ditzydoodiary]

cw // angry vent about my disabilities that includes some swearing and heavy themes so if you dont want to read that right now heres your chance to leave

if i hear one more person tell me to "find coping strategies" otherwise ill "never be happy" im going to lose my marbles. do- do you even realise that i have been trying to find support for my disability that i didnt even know i had for pretty much all of my life??? my life is just a cry for help that no one will listen to at this point. nothing more.

like do you think im not fucking aware of that? do you not think im already aware of my miserable-ness at this point? its not like im purposefully trying to feel miserable; i genuinely want help and support and i feel shitty about it because i have people more privelaged than me telling me what to do regarding my disability. they have supports, they have therapy, their parents have somewhat reasonable income, they have a diagnosis, they have access to medication; they have access to all this stuff + so much more and still have the audacity to tell me im wrong for feeling utterly miserable with my life and that i should improve on it as if im not already trying my damn hardest. no matter how painstakingly obvious my disabilities are, im just not going to be able to have access to a diagnosis until we have the money. we arent going to be able to have anything until that happens; we need the disability funding so desperately (for context my mother is also disabled both physically and neurologically and cannot work, but this isnt medically recognised either, so she gets paid very little money by the government) and we just want someone, anyone to help :(

im too scared to talk about any of this because i dont want people to think im selfish or "cpmplaining" (as ive been told many times before)... but yk what? so fucking what if i come off as selfish sometimes; my family and i are on the poverty line and almost living on the streets in a house that is falling apart, i have zero accommodations, zero medical help, zero anything and honestly sometimes i just want to put you in your place and put myself first for once in my godforsaken life because god forbid i dont want to die from exhaustion and disease due to my living conditions.

so yeah! god forbid im fucking miserable! i know youre all struggling too (directed at people i know personally) and i love you, but please just learn to recognise your privelage and stop telling people who are less privelaged than you what to do and how to feel holy fuck.