#but yeah if anyone knows the series PLEASE tel me

[draconicsparkle]

So this is a very different Nagizuru fic from what you guys are used to.

See, Karu and I have been joking around about Nagizuru being an SCP. But then inspiration struck one day. Along with the immense desire to create a fic for this au of an au. And viola. Here we are!

So please enjoy SCP Nagizuru! With Hajime along for the ride as well.

And of course, the characters in the au still belong to @karugoround. I am thankful to them for the existence of these boys. And for the chance to do fun ideas with them.

*click*

Dr. X: Today is April 14th. It is currently 4:37 pm. I am here with Hajime Hinata to answer a series of questions concerning SCP-49878. Good afternoon, Mr. Hinata. How are you feeling today?

H: Uhh, I’m doing okay I guess. All things considered.

Dr. X: I can imagine. But let’s go ahead and start the questions. How has your overall experience with SCP-49878 been?

H: That’s… a bit hard to answer in a general short answer. But I guess… It's been fine. He doesn’t do anything to me other than what you’ve seen.

Dr. X: You are aware of what classification SCP-49878 has been given by the foundation, correct?

H: Yeah. He’s what you call Apollyon, right?

Dr. X: That is correct. And are you aware of what that means?

H: That he breaks out constantly and has crazy world ending powers? Yeah… I’m aware of that… very aware.

Dr. X: Has learning of this classification changed your thinking of SCP-49878?

H: Of course it has! How could that not affect someone? But he doesn’t seem to care that I know now. In fact, I think he likes showing off his abilities to me.

Dr. X: Let’s change the line of discussion to another. When and how did you first encounter SCP-49878?

H: Hmmm… I think it was in late September? Classes had just started up at my university and I was heading back to my place. It was raining hard that night, too. I saw him on a bench near the bus stop. I’ll be honest, I thought he was homeless at first. Which is why I offered him my umbrella and a granola bar. He looked like he was my age, and I felt really bad for him. And that’s when it started.

Dr. X: Please elaborate.

H: Well, after that night, he kept just… showing up at random points. No matter where I was. But I really didn’t think much of it. It didn’t seem like it was that often at the time. And I figured he was just lonely and wanted to talk. Which I was fine with. I didn’t know anyone in the area so he was the only one who wanted to talk to me. In hindsight, that was pretty stupid of me. Who knows what could have happened if his intentions had been bad.

Dr. X: Did you have any suspicions that SCP-49878 was not human between your meeting and the recapture?

H: I had a feeling he was… strange. His mannerisms and his habit of showing up the moment I was alone were good indicators. But I didn’t have any concrete evidence until the foundation came.

Dr. X: Describe that day. What do you recall of it?

H: We had been talking in a park. It felt like a normal day. I never would have suspected anything crazy would happen. But then several armored cars pulled up and men with firearms surrounded us. I won’t deny that I was terrified. But none of that compared to what happened to… the guy who approached us.

Dr. X: Are you referring to the guard who was inverted? Organs on the outside?

H: Yes. That took me so long to come to terms with. That’s not something you can just forget.

Dr. X: The photos from that day are certainly not for the faint of heart. What was it that happened next?

H: Someone, I think the one in charge, started throwing questions at me and him. Like why this town hadn’t been destroyed yet and if I was the cause of this calmness. And he only replied with a ‘correct.’ He then… hugged me from behind and wouldn’t let go. So… they kinda had to bring me along. Not that they would have left me alone for long. I’m sure the foundation would have found a method to question me on what I did or said with him.

Dr. X: Do you know why SCP-49878 is attached to you?

H: I couldn’t tell you. But I do know for certain that he’s obsessed and possessive of me. To the point of extreme violence to others.

???: Quite so. Now tell me, is this silly little interview over? It’s time for you to return to our place.

Dr. X: Session has been interrupted by SCP-49878. Ending recording.

*click*

The doctor pulled the recorder towards them as Hajime felt arms snake around his midsection. Floating white locks of hair came into view as the supernatural force leaned his cheek into the brunette’s. “It was so terribly long of a wait. I couldn’t sit alone anymore. You know I don’t like being seperated, Hajime.”

Despite the fact that the creature behind him could and would break reality if he felt like it, Hajime felt a twinge of annoyance. “It’s been only 30 minutes! You are so impatient! I just wanted to deliver some letters to my family and answer a few questions in exchange. Was it so hard to read a book or watch a movie while I was gone?”

The man next to him pouted. “Yes. It was.”

Hajime sighed, raising a hand to run it through his short spiky hair. “You do realize how whiny you sound right now, right? Very unbefitting of a crazy apocalypse monster.” He sighed again, standing up from the metal chair and stepping away from the table. “Apologies for the interruption. I think we need to leave now.”

The doctor nodded, maintaining their neutral expression. “You are dismissed. Take him back to his containment.”

“I’ll do that.” Hajime turned to look at the SCP near him. “Come on, Nagizuru. Let’s get you back to our home.”

The white haired man grinned. “Say no more.” He was hugged to the other man’s chest, eyes forced shut as he felt a strange sense of dizziness. He was still trying to get used to it when the SCP teleported them both. And when he reopened his eyes after the dizziness faded, he saw that they were now back in the apartment-like space the foundation had created for them. “Now it’s just us again. All is correct in the universe once more.”

Hajime stepped back to sit back on their plush couch. “Dramatic. And impatient.” He rolled his eyes as he witnessed the man teleport next to him on the couch, laying his head and long hair on his lap. It was actions like this that made him temporarily forget that this man held so much power. He couldn’t help being casual with him. Much like how he was when they first met.

He recalled that night as he stroked the white hair. He remembered asking for his name. To which he had received a confusing answer.

“I was once called Nagito. Recently I have been referred to as Izuru. And there are several other titles I have been given that I don’t care much to recall at the moment. You may use whatever name you desire.”

Hajime had groaned. He hated needing to choose between options. “If you are going to be so difficult about your name, I’ll just make it easier for myself. I’ll merge the first two together. You’re Nagizuru now.”

“Nagizuru, hmmm? Interesting. So very interesting. But I shall accept that as my identity now. You alone may call me this.”

And so it began. The spiral that threw his sense of normalcy out the window of a skyscraper. But he honestly was not sure if that spiral was going up or down. But despite all the horrors he had seen, he was leaning more towards the former.

And he wouldn’t deny that the illusion of a domestic life within this facility was nice. “Did you get rid of all the dust and dirt while I was gone at least?” he asked as he looked down.

The creature smiled wide. “Affirmative. It would not do if you were to fall ill. So cleanliness is of the utmost importance. Also, I prepared food for you. Would you like it now?”

Hajime thought about it for a moment before deciding he was hungry enough for a snack. “Something small. I don’t want to spoil dinner.”

A plate of green mochi appeared in front of him. They looked fresh, as if just made. He grabbed one and took a bite, humming happily at the taste. He was thankful that Nagizuru’s magical teleportation didn’t affect food in taste or quality. And of course, the man was a master of everything. All he created was amazing.

“It is to your liking, I assume. I took notice that you prefer this over others I have provided. Is this perhaps a favorite of yours?” the SCP inquired, not moving from his position.

The brunette raised his eyebrows in surprise. “It is actually. You noticed? Thank you. I appreciate it.” He took another bite, this one seemed to taste much better than the first. “As thanks, do you want me to prepare dinner tonight?”

Nagizuru looked up at him. “That is a reasonable bargain. May I request curry?”

Giving one last pat to the white hair, Hajime stood up from the couch. “Yeah, that’s fine. Just wait here and I’ll get it started.”

The man groaned a bit at the loss of his companion, but ultimately did as requested. Just laying on the couch with his eyes closed. He looked innocent and harmless like this. It would be very easy to assume he was safe to be around.

But Hajime put that thought away for now. The SCP was safe to be around. For him at least. And he was thankful for this with each passing day.

He entered the little kitchen they had, placing the plate of mochi down on the table before pulling the fridge open. All the ingredients for curry were right there, waiting for him. How thoughtful of Nagizuru to provide everything. He grabbed all he needed and put it on the counter, starting the process of slicing the vegetables and meat.

He took his time, as there was no rush. Neither of them had events to attend nor schedules that needed to be focused on. It was nice, not having to stress about that anymore. All he needed to do now was to keep the SCP company. And all was provided to him. He was even able to still have communication with people outside of the facility. Granted, it was very limited and no one knew exactly where he was or what he was doing, but it was still comforting that he wasn’t completely cut off.

And within his decorated and clean home, it was so easy to forget the strangeness of his situation.

But there were still some instances that reminded him of this fact.

The mechanical sound of the door opening startled him. Who could that possibly be? No one entered this place other than himself and the one it was built for. Desiring answers, he moved out of the kitchen and faced the door.

There was an unfamiliar man there, dressed in orange. A Class-D. He was looking around the room while eating one of the green mochi he had snagged from the plate. “These doctors really have been hogging this place to themselves the whole time? Guess I can’t blame them. Tasty food and a clean home. Everyone would want to be here,” he muttered to himself. Then he noticed Hajime. “Oh. The room’s other occupant. You’re really young. How’d you get access to this place? Did you butter up the doctors to let you be placed in this Safe Class room?”

Hajime felt his confusion levels rise. “What do you mean? The SCP here isn’t Safe Class. You really need to leave. Escape while you still can.”

But instead of heeding his warnings, the man just smirked. “The doctor told me that you might try and convince me otherwise. That this was a dangerous room. But I know better! So you should best quit while you’re ahead. I don’t take kindly to people getting in my way. And if you try…” The Class-D grabbed his shirt collar roughly. “Well, let’s just say that I won’t go easy on you. This is your only warning, kid.” The man then shoved him away with force.

The rough push sent him stumbling backwards. But to his surprise, instead of rough furniture or the floor, his back made contact with something else. Something that he was very familiar with. And as he felt the arms wrap around him with an unbreakable solid grip, he knew that there was nothing more he could do. The man’s fate was sealed. So he shut his mouth and didn’t speak further.

He looked up to see the SCP’s expression. And it was a sight straight out of a nightmare. His long white hair was moving on its own like a nest of angry snakes. The sclera of his eyes was pitch black, the irises glowing red. His smile was wide, too wide to be human. And his teeth had elongated to sharp points. Nagizuru was displeased. And that always resulted in fatalities.

“Filthy human. Intruding into our domain. Taking our food. And daring to touch my Hajime. These actions are unforgivable.” Nagizuru’s voice sounded layered, as if another, darker version of him was speaking at the same time. It sent a chill down the humans’ spines. “Now then, corpses don’t need internal organs. So I’ll remove them for you.”

The Class-D man’s expression changed to one of pure shock. He then tried gasping for air with raspy, strained wheezes. But based on the SCP’s previous words, it seemed like the air had no lungs to go to. And there was no heart to pump blood. So the skin paled drastically in a short time. The man tipped forward, falling face first onto the floor. A few more convulsions, then he was still.

Hajime stared at the now dead man in his home. Months before, this would have terrified him and scarred him for life. But now? It was almost just an inconvenience. He took a breath and raised a question. “Can you… get him out of our place? I don’t want to risk our things reeking of death.”

Nagizuru closed his eyes and mouth for a moment. When they reopened, they appeared as they usually did. Human enough to fool those not in the know. “Of course. I too despise the stench of rot.” The body then vanished, no trace of it being left behind. “There we are. Now it’s just us again.”

Hajime relaxed again, leaning back into the tight embrace he was being held in. Though one thought did pop into existence. “Out of curiosity, where did you send him?”

Nagizuru grinned as he led the human back over to the couch. “Oh, I simply dropped the body in front of the doctor who sent him in with false information. I think their autopsy of him should send a clear message to not try that again.” He sat them down so that they were both laying on the plush cushions, still holding onto the brunette. “Now relax, my dear Hajime. I’ll finish dinner. You’ve had a stressful day and I’ll help you forget your worries.”

The human could feel the man using some abilities to make him sleepy. But he didn’t protest or fight it. Not that he could even if he wanted to. His heavy eyelids closed and he leaned his full weight into the one holding him.

He was in the clutches of danger. Stuck with a monster who could end him at any time. The knowledge inspired feelings of instinctual dread in the back of his mind. And he welcomed the feeling with open arms. For the experience was worth it.

Masterpost

[smaradog]

time for an introduction

hello! im smaradog but you can call me smara or mar for short, i have a weird sense of humor that feels edgy but i dont do jokes that are at anyones expense, or say weird things, since its not really something thats part of me at all, making others feel bad and/or uncomfortable is against all i stand for, at the same time my humor can kinda be silly/catgirlesque for lack of better description?? (??? ihave no idea what im saying) and kinda fecalfunny style humor overall.

dni if youre a bigot or a terf or some stupid shit like that

anyways im a neurodivergent asexual trans girl (she/her, it/its fae/faer, sli/slime pronouns please!) who speaks spanish and stuff idunno!! (i am not from spain dont pile me on with them IHATE SPAIN!!!! /j)

so yeah i draw a lot of lesbians and whatever else comes to mind

[art tag!]

i WILL start talking about something im working on or something i like for WHOLE PARAGRAPHS so be WARNED!! and heres some insane things i do!

the insane things i do in question:

art (digital and traditional)

pixel art

sound design

3d modeling (learning the basics)

music (regular music and chiptunes, and whatever weird experimental thing i can make also it kinda sucks but shh)

storyboards

modding/romhacking games

kind of a jack of all trades really! so yeah thats basically it! have a list of me dumping like a million interests i have

music: the strokes, arctic monkeys, gorillaz, daft punk, indigo quest, red vox, muse, crx, albert hammond jr., royal blood, enjambre, bandalos chinos, comisario pantera, lemon demon, tally hall, the voidz, fish in a birdcage, nelward

chiptune (counting psg chips, fm chips, low quality samplers, etc.) [fade, tim follin, jeroen tel, squarewave, shoob2000, 4mat, rushjet1]

animated shows:

the owl house

amphibia

ena

one piece (at enies lobby arc rn)

yu yu hakusho

jojos bizarre adventure (i cant deny it even if i dont talk about it, stopped at part 5)

one punch man (kinda, dont remember a lot)

adventure time (havent kept up since grass sword episodes)

ok ko (literally dont remember what the last thing that happened was)

regular show (stopped keeping up at some point) showing interest in: gravity falls, infinity train, hunter x hunter and mob psycho

films:

literally any spiderman movie from anything 2002 - now (i know theres older obscure ones)

(cant think of anything else whoops)

games:

terraria

halo (anything pre 343 sorry)

castlevania series

bloodstained

undertale/deltarune

omori (kinda lost interest)

doom (classic series, havent played 2016 and eternal)

half life series

sonic series

mega man series (classic)

minecraft (kind of? i'd rather play beta 1.7.3, but especially a fan of better than adventure)

celeste (havent finished, one of the few insane people that didnt use assist mode at the hotel chapter)

umjammer lammy

parappa series

castle crashers & battleblock theater

serious sam series

splatoon series (havent played splatoon 3)

dont starve together (i dont play often and im not super familiar with the lore) night in the woods (looks nice but. didnt finish at ALL)

portal series (i 100%ed the first game)

streamers:

vargskelethor joel (probably on top along with jerma)

vinesauce vinny

jerma985

grayfruit (i watch sometimes)

simpleflips (i watch very rarely)

i also like a few webcomics but honestly i dont remember at the time of making somehow, you can ask me about one of them though! (its not homestuck i swear /gen)

i ALSO also have super weird interests over niche little 80s - 2000s technology and stuff

due to personal reasons, i have 3 things i dont wanna hear about, but im not gonna mention them on this post.

if you made it this far reading you are insane honestly but shoutouts to you

[hallothere]

i don’t know what it was called, but in 8th grade english we watched a series of vocabulary videos, and one of them involved a little silly song the guy sang- ‘i’m so nefarious and that means i’m evil’

i remember it perfectly and try to live by that to this day

[alyssawritesssfics]

Hounded [2] 2. Earth Skills

Pairings: Bellamy x OC // Kane x daughter!OC

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: violence, series spoilers

Summary: Athena joins the search for Jasper, who has been taken by Grounders, and comes face-to-face with danger for the first time on the ground.

Author’s Note: Hii, I’m back with the second chapter/episode. Please remember to note and reblog! It really helps me see interest and therefore update the story more often. Thank you! PS. If you’d like to be tagged in future chapters, please send me an ask with your @ and I will add you to my list!

previous chapter // series masterlist

That night we all slept in the dropship, either on the floor or on makeshift hammocks. I hardly slept that night, too worried about the group heading to Mount Weather, as well as wondering about my family on the Ark. I knew my father had to have known about the plan, but did he bother to tell my mother?

I pushed through the sheet covering the dropship door, heading outside. Just a few feet away, I watched as Atom reached for the clothes in Wells’ hands.

“There’s always a market for-”

Wells yanked himself away from Atom. “We share based on need, just like back home.”

I felt myself being shoved to the side as Bellamy exited the dropship, his chest bare as a girl followed close behind. “You still don’t get it, do you, Chancellor?” I watched as Bellamy kissed the girl, her happily marching away.

Gross.

“This is home now. Your father's rules no longer apply.” Bellamy continued, heading over to Wells and grabbing a shirt. Wells attempted to grab the shirt back, Atom pushing him away. 

“Atom, hold up,” Bellamy responded, looking in Wells’ direction. “You want it back? Take it.”

Wells stared Bellamy down for a few moments before tossing the rest of the clothes on the ground. A nearby group of delinquents ran over, sifting through the pile. 

“Is this what you want? Chaos?” Wells asked.

Bellamy smirked. “What’s wrong with a little chaos?”

“A little chaos goes a long way with a bunch of criminals,” I responded, knocking into Bellamy’s shoulder as I walked past him.

Just as I reached Wells, the sound of yelps filled the air. We all exchanged glances before running off in the direction it was coming from.

“Bellamy, check it out,” Murphy spoke, holding a girl’s head over a fire. “We want the Ark to think the ground is killing us, right? I figured it would look better if we suffered a little first.”

“Let her go!” Wells rushed over, shoving Murphy to the ground. He looked to Bellamy, shaking his head. “You can stop this.”

“Stop this? I’m just getting started.”

With that, Murphy swung at Wells, clocking him in the cheek. As Wells fell back slightly, Murphy continued to beat on him while others cheered him on.

“Stop it!” I screamed, though Bellamy grabbed my arm before I could place myself in the middle of the two boys.

Wells backed away, limping slightly. “Don’t you see you can’t control this?” He asked, looking at Bellamy.

“You’re dead.” Murphy declared, pulling out a knife.

“Wait,” Bellamy spoke, letting go of my arm. He reached into the pocket of his pants, pulling out a knife and tossing it on the ground in front of Wells. “Fair fight.”

I looked at Bellamy, stunned.

Wells stared at Murphy for a moment before looking down at the knife. He finally knelt down, picking up the knife before rising to his feet again. Murphy was the first to swing, Wells swinging back. Eventually, Murphy sliced Wells’ arm.

“This is for my father!” Murphy called out, going to swing again.

Wells dodged the swing, grabbing Murphy and putting him in a headlock. “Drop it! Drop it!”

“Wells! Let him go.”

I looked over, watching Clarke make her way down the hill, Finn following close behind. Wells did as she said, Murphy quickly charging back at him.

Bellamy quickly jumped in, grabbing Murphy. “Enough.”

Octavia stumbled down the hill next, Monty assisting her. She had a piece of cloth wrapped around her leg, which she was limping on.

“Octavia!” Bellamy called out, rushing towards her. “Are you alright?”

Octavia nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Where’s the food?”

Finn sighed. “We didn’t make it to Mount Weather.”

“What the hell happened out there?” I asked.

“We were attacked,” Clarke responded.

“Attacked? By what?” Wells asked.

“Not what, who,” Finn responded. “ It turns out, when the last man from the ground died on the Ark, he wasn't the last Grounder.”

“It’s true,” Clarke spoke. “Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong. There are people here, survivors. The good news is, that means we can survive. Radiation won't kill us.”

“Yeah, the bad news is the grounders will.”

I stood there, taken aback by Finn’s words. “How is any of this possible? There’s no way anyone could have survived the blast, let alone the radiation for the last hundred years.”

Clarke shook her head. “I don’t know, maybe they came from a bunker?”

“They definitely didn’t come from space,” Finn said.

Wells looked around. “Where’s the kid with the goggles?”

“Jasper was hit. They took him.” Clarke responded, looking at Wells’ wrist. “Where’s your wristband?”

I hadn’t even noticed it was missing.

Wells glared at Bellamy. “Ask him.”

Clarke turned to Bellamy, moving closer as she clenched her jaw. “How many?”

“Twenty-four and counting,” Murphy spoke up.

“You idiots,” Clarke said, shaking her head. “Life support on the Ark is failing. That's why they brought us down here. They need to know the ground is survivable again, and we need their help against whoever is out there. If you take off your wristbands, you're not just killing them. You're killing us!”

Bellamy’s face fell pale, though he quickly pulled himself together. “We're stronger than you think. Don't listen to her. She's one of the privileged. If they come down, she'll have it good. How many of you can say the same?” He asked, looking around. “We can take care of ourselves. That wristband on your arm? It makes you a prisoner. We are not prisoners anymore! They say they'll forgive your crimes. I say you're not criminals! You're fighters, survivors! The Grounders should worry about us!”

People began cheering, once again eating up every stupid word he said. How could they be so blind?

“What do we do now?” I heard Monty whisper to Clarke.

“Now we go after Jasper.”

…

I followed Wells up the dropship ladder, pulling myself up through the door behind him. Clarke sat in the middle of the room, packing items into her backpack.

“There you are,” Wells said.

I took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. “When your father said they didn’t leave us anything, he wasn’t kidding.”

Clarke looked over at us, her eyes falling on the gash on Wells’ arm from his knife fight with Murphy. Wells looked away. “It’s just a scratch.”

“You’re making friends fast.” Clarke sighed, looking at me. “How about you?”

“No knife fights yet, but Bellamy is tempting me.”

Clarke smiled slightly before turning her attention back to Wells. “Keep it covered. It could get infected.” As Wells adjusted the strap of his bag, Clarke smiled again. “Nice pack.”

“Yeah, seat belts and insulation.” Wells smiled. “I also packed part of the parachute, figured we could use it to carry Jasper back to camp.”

“Good,” Clarke said. “Give it to someone else. You’re not coming with us.”

Wells shook his head. “My ankle is fine.”

“It’s not your ankle Wells, it’s you,” Clarke responded, making her way down the ladder. 

I climbed down the ladder after Clarke, Wells following after me. “I get to come though, right? Being stuck at this suck ass camp is driving me insane.”

“Yeah, we could use another person.”

“You came back for reinforcements. I’m going to help.” Wells pressed on.

Monty, who stood by the ladder, turned his attention to us. “Clarke, he’s right. We need him. So far no one else has volunteered.”

“I’m sorry, Monty. You’re not coming either.”

“Like hell I’m not,” Monty responded. “Jasper’s my best friend.”

“You’re too important. You were raised on Farm Station and recruited by Engineering. That’s food and communication.” Clarke pointed to Monty’s head. “What’s up here is going to save us all. You figure out how to talk to the Ark and I’ll bring Jasper back.”

Finn entered the dropship, stopping as he spotted us all.

“Are you ready to go?” I asked.

“I’m not going anywhere, and neither should any of you,” Finn said. “That spear was thrown with pinpoint accuracy from three hundred feet away.”

“So what, we let Jasper die? Not going to happen.” Clarke replied. “Spacewalker? What a joke. You think you’re such an adventurer. You’re really just a coward.”

“It’s not an adventure, Clarke. It’s a suicide mission.”

Clarke shook her head, pushing past him and out of the dropship.

Wells stepped forward. “Build a wall. Use the fallen trees. I’ll watch out for her.”

As Wells left the dropship, I followed him towards Clarke. She now stood in front of Bellamy and Octavia, who sat together on a log.

“You guys are leaving? I’m coming too.” Octavia spoke, attempting to stand up.

“No, not again,” Bellamy spoke as he stood from the log, his voice stern.

“He’s right, your leg’s just going to slow us down,” Clarke said, before focusing on Bellamy. “I’m here for you.”

Wells raised an eyebrow. “Clarke, what are you doing?”

“I hear you have a gun,” Bellamy smirked, lifting up his shirt slightly to reveal the gun tucked in his waistband. “Good. Follow me.”

“Why would I do that?”

Clarke turned back to Bellamy, her eyebrows raised. “Because you want them to follow you, and right now, they're thinking only one of us is scared.”

Without waiting for an answer, Clarke began heading off into the forest. Wells and I followed her, Bellamy and Murphy joining us not long after.

I wanted to go with Clarke to get away from these two idiots.

“Those guys aren’t just bullies, Clarke. They’re dangerous criminals.” Wells said, his voice hushed.

“Good. I’m counting on it.”

…

I followed close behind Clarke as she rushed through the forest, the boys staying further behind. She was avoiding Wells, that much was obvious. All I wanted to do was tell her the truth; that Wells hadn’t been the one to turn her father in. I knew I couldn’t though.

“Do you really think we’ll find Jasper?” I asked. “Finn mentioned a spear. Odds are he wouldn’t have survived that.”

Clarke didn’t answer, her eyebrows furrowing more than previously.

I watched as Bellamy sped up, getting closer to myself and Clarke. “Hey, hold up.” He spoke, pulling out his gun. “What’s the rush? Like Athena said, you don’t survive a spear to the heart.”

“Put the gun away, Bellamy,” Wells demanded.

Murphy stepped in front of Wells. “Why don’t you do something about it?”

Clarke shook her head. “Jasper screamed when they moved him. If the spear struck his heart, he'd have died instantly. It doesn't mean we have time to waste.”

Bellamy grabbed her arm. “As soon as you remove your wristband, we can go.”

Clarke jerked her arm out of his grip. “The only way the Ark is going to think I’m dead is if I’m dead. Got it?”

“Brave princess,” Bellamy smirked.

“Why don’t you find your own nickname?” I hadn’t noticed Finn following us. “You call this a rescue party? Got to split up, cover more ground. Clarke, come with me.”

Clarke smiled, turning around and following Finn.

Bellamy shook his head, turning his attention to me. “What about you, Athena? Ready to remove your wristband yet?”

“Not in a million years,” I said. “You might not have anyone who gives two shits about what happens to you down here, but I do.”

With that, I turned around and began heading off in the direction Finn and Clarke went. There was no way I was going to give up my wristband. As much as I would love for my father to wonder if I was alive, I knew I couldn’t do that to my mother.

...

“Hey, how do we know this is the right way?” Murphy asked.

Clarke and Finn had found Jasper’s goggles by the river, and we were now following the blood trail left alongside it. 

“We don’t,” Bellamy said. “Spacewalker thinks he’s a tracker.”

“It’s called cutting sign. Fourth-year Earth Skills, he’s good.” Wells looked over Finn’s shoulder.

Finn turned around. “You want to keep it down or should I paint a target on your backs?”

Finn began following the blood trail further, myself and Clarke staying close behind him. I kept swatting the air around me, growing more annoyed by the bugs and all the bites I could feel covering my skin.

“Too bad they didn’t send us with bug spray,” Clarke spoke softly.

I raised my eyebrow. “That’s a thing?”

“You never paid attention in Earth Skills.”

“I never thought it would matter,” I said. “I knew they expected the ground to be survivable soon, but I didn’t think we’d ever actually get down here. Not in our lifetime at least.”

The sound of moans filled the air, causing us all to stop in our tracks.

“What the hell was that?” Murphy asked.

Clarke looked at Bellamy. “Now would be a good time to take out that gun.”

The moaning continued and we followed it, coming across an open field. Across the way was a tree, and my jaw dropped as I noticed what was strung from it.

“Oh my god.”

“Jasper?” Clarke gasped, rushing forward.

“Clarke, watch out!” 

Suddenly the ground fell from beneath Clarke. Bellamy lunged forward, grabbing her hand. I watched as he stared down at her, not pulling her up. The rest of us came to his aid, grabbing Clarke and pulling her back up from the hole.

As everyone gasped for air, I peeked into the hole. It was filled with spikes.

“Are you okay?” Finn asked.

Clarke nodded. “We need to get him down.”

“I’ll climb up there and cut the vines.”

“I’m with you.” Wells offered.

“No,” Finn said. “You and Athena stay with Clarke, and watch him.” He eyed Bellamy, a scowl forming across his face. “Murphy, you’re with me.”

Clarke took a deep breath. “There’s a poultice in his wound.”

“Medicine?” Wells asked. “Why would they save his life just to string him up as live bait?”

“Maybe what they’re trying to catch likes its dinner breathing,” Bellamy suggested.

“Maybe what they’re trying to catch is us.” Finn frowned.

Finn and Murphy worked on cutting Jasper down, while Wells was checking in on Clarke and Bellamy and I stood off to the side. 

A bug landed on my arm, causing me to swat it, crushing it against my skin. I quickly wiped the blood away, causing Bellamy to laugh.

“What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

Bellamy shrugged. “Nothing, It’s just- from what Octavia’s said, I never would’ve guessed you’d be afraid of bugs.”

“I’m not afraid of them,” I mumbled. “I just don’t want them touching me.”

“Just wait until the hornets come out.”

My eyes grew wide. “Hornets?”

He simply laughed, looking over at Finn and Murphy.

As I continued to swat the bugs away, a deep growl came from the forest surrounding us.

“What the hell was that?” Murphy asked.

“Grounders?” Bellamy suggested.

The growling continued to grow louder until finally, a pair of yellow eyes came out of the forest. It was a large black cat, unlike anything I’d seen before.

“Bellamy, the gun!” Clarke called out.

Bellamy reached for the gun, patting around but unable to feel it.

The cat lunged forward, Bellamy grabbing me and yanking me out of its line of sight. Suddenly the sound of gunshots filled the air, the cat falling to the ground.

I looked around, my eyes landing on Wells, who held the gun in his shaky hand. Clarke stood next to him, looking back and forth between him and the cat. 

“Now she sees you,” Bellamy spoke through shaky breaths.

I gasped for air, not realizing I’d been holding my breath. “I hate Earth already.”

~

next chapter

[helplessly-nonstop]

Depression (B. Wyatt series)

Hey, it’s Cassie and I actually have a series for you this time! Description, would you be a doll and tel our lovely readers what they’ve stumbled upon!

Honey Bee, or the reader, is a poem blogger and they meet a depressed Abigail Wyatt. As time passes by, they grow closer. But an abusive relationship separates the two and on Honey Bee’s visit to Florida, they realize that it’s too little too late. It will be a three part series: Depression, Impression, and Succesion. Please enjoy and don’t repost to other sites. Because I will find you and I will end you. Cool? Cool. My beta was my favorite soulmate: @sporadic-fics! (Go read her stuff, I love it all)

WC:2454 (the next two parts will ((more than likely)) be longer)

Warnings: depictions of an abusive relationship, mentions of murder, thoughts of suicide, Klandy Borton is a garbage human, character death, mentions of child abuse, anyway, here we go! (GIF was found on Google)

I was a social butterfly on all counts and one person had confided in me when I had posted a poem about suicide on my blog. Her name was Abigail Wyatt and she admitted that she wasn’t having the best life that she could be living. She and her two brothers lost their parents when they were young and unfortunately was pushed into the foster system.

Years had passed and there was multiple families that neglected and abused them, until finally, the oldest brother turned eighteen and they were taken from foster care under his watch. I took her under my wing, even though we had never met in person, but from there, we traded war stories. I explained where I got my inspiration to write and she told me all about her brothers: Bo and Bray.

Bo was apparently very outgoing and she confided in me that she believed that he was gay, which made me giggle a little. When she asked me why I laughed, I informed her that in sets of three siblings, there’s usually at least one that is a member of the LGBTQ+ community. She laughed with me for a while then continued telling me about her family.

Bray was the quietest of the three, with an aura of danger surrounding him, and she stated that she was often worried about what he might do if he had to protect his siblings from serious harm. I assured her that she should have nothing to worry about, but to be honest, there was no way of being sure.

But things went from good to bad for Abigail after a while. She had met a man by the name of Randy Orton and she told me that she had loved him like she had never loved anyone before.

“Abigail, are you sure that you truly know what kind of person this guy is? I just don’t want you getting hurt, that’s all.” I stated, bumping my apartment door shut with my hip. My hands were full with groceries while my phone was squished between my shoulder and cheek, something that was definitely uncomfortable. When I realized that I didn’t get it closed all the way, I raised my foot and kicked it in to its place.

“Oh, Honey Bee, I couldn’t be more sure! He’s so sweet and considerate, never late to pick me up! He works at the police station here in town!”she informed me, a small, dreamy sigh leaving her throat. I gave a laugh and set my bags on the ground before kicking my shoes off my feet.

“All right, as long as you know you’re safe with him. I’m going to get off of here and make some dinner.Tell Bo that I said hello!”

“Oh don’t lie to me, Honey Bee, you’re going to order in Panda Express for dinner cause you don’t want to cook.”she scolded but her soft giggle assured me that she wasn’t truly shaming me. I gave a grin then ended the call, beginning to put my food away in the sections that it belongs to. I laid on my couch for a few moments and stared at the ceiling before I decided that I was going to succumb to my ridiculous addiction to Chinese takeout.

Forty five minutes passed and finally, my food arrived, allowing me to retreat into my room properly. A small chirp through my phone drew me away from my bingeing of Brooklyn Nine Nine and I rolled away to check who texted me and raised an eyebrow when I realized that it wasn’t just any number: it was Abigail: Leave her alone or I swear to God, you’ll fucking die.

I jerked up out of bed and stared at the screen, unsure of how to react to this message. Apparently Abby hasn’t told her boyfriend that her closest friend just happened to be a person halfway across the country. I paced the length of my room and finally paused, deciding that I would call her in the morning. She was obviously with Randy tonight and I didn’t want to risk her getting hurt because I want to discuss her possibly dangerous boyfriend.

I set my half eaten sweet and sour chicken in the fridge and returned to my bed, staring at my clock, hoping that I could fix whatever Abigail had gotten herself into with this guy before it was too late.

With a quick roll to the right, I hit the floor with a groan, looking through the window to see that it was now daylight and snowing. Fantastic.

I pulled myself back to my feet and checked my phone to see if I had received any new messages that I should’ve been worried about. Luckily, there was just one and it really was from Abby this time. I swiped upwards then pressed in my thumbprint before reading what she sent me,”Hey, sorry about that last text! Randy can get a bit jealous. Don’t worry, tho, explained it all!”

I hesitated on what I should say, my thumbs hovering over the text keys, then I decided that I needed to see her face when I asked her these questions that had been brewing in my head all night. I guess worrying about the possibility that your friend’s boyfriend is a psycho really doesn’t let you sleep at night.

“You home alone?” I sent back in return, hoping that she’d give me the okay to FaceTime her. A few seconds skimmed by then she answered, ”Yeah, Randy left for work early today.”

A small sigh left me, my shoulders dropping in relief, then I pressed the button to go ahead and call. It rang three times and she finally picked up on the fourth one, her face slowly coming into focus. But that’s when I noticed it.

“Oh my God, Abigail, do you have a black eye?!” I demanded, leaning forward for a better look. She brushed a timid hand over her injury and reassured me, ”It’s fine, I hit the door knob cause I slipped. No big deal, I promise.”

“Abigail, I don’t think you really know this guy. I mean, he threatened to kill me and he doesn’t even know me!” Her eyes flashed with uncertainty and I began to say something else when she rushed out,”It’s fine, I fixed it! He’s gonna change, I swear it, Honey Bee! It’s fine, now, please, can we just talk about something else?”

And stupid, idiotic me being me, I allowed her to change the subject. But things didn’t become fine and Randy most certainly didn’t change.

Months passed and I began hearing from my friend less and less frequently, something that was uncommon for her. Eventually, time for my semi annual visit down to Florida had arrived and before I knew it, I was getting settled in my usual little hotel that I stayed in. I decided to FaceTime her to make sure that she was at home, since it was Thursday and she didn’t work today.

Her phone rang four times and for a moment, I thought she was going to let me go to voicemail, when she finally picked up. A gasp escaped me at her appearance and I stared at her with my mouth agape, unsure on what to say.

Her cheek was swollen, her black eye barely concealed, and her bottom lip was busted. But really frightened me was the bruises maring her throat. It was obvious that she was at her house, but there had been drastic changes made.

“Abigail, what happened?” I murmured, pressing my hand to my mouth, as if it could stop the tears brewing in my eyes. She began to give an excuse when someone snatched away the phone, shouting,”Fuck off, it’s none of your fucking business!” And with that, the screen went dark. I stared at my phone for a few moments then finally, I acted on what I knew needed to be done. I called the emergency number for Brooksville, Florida, desperate to send help for my friend.

“Hello, 911, is everything alright?”

“No! No, I think my friend is in danger. I called her and she looks like her boyfriend is beating her! When I asked what happened, he took her phone and smashed it. Please, could you send someone out to check on her?” I rushed out as calmly as I could manage. The man on the other end paused for a quick second and I thought that he might’ve hung up on me then he asked,”Do you know what the address is?”

I began tossing items from my purse then finally dragged my planner out, flipping to all of the addresses I had written down and thankfully, I had Abigail’s. I recited it back to the operator and I could hear him clicking on the keyboard before he answered,”Okay, we are sending in a patrol car now to check on your friend. Do you know what the boyfriend’s name is?”

I began telling him it then paused, remembering one of the few details that Abigail provided me about this dick fuck: he worked at the police department. Cops had a history of hiding domestic abuse cases like this when one of their own was the abuser and I was not about to let Abigail be let down by a corrupt system.

“No, I’m sorry, I don’t. I hope that’s okay.” I apologized, fake sympathy leaking into my voice.

“It’s alright, not a problem. Alright, it sounds like the patrol car is there now. Would you like to stay on the line with me, see if your friend is okay right away?”

“Yes, please, you could.” Silence hit the line and I waited with bated breath to hear what was going on then I heard words that I never wanted to hear.

“Shots fired, shots fired! One officer down, suspect is deceased, victim is critical. We need a bus!” Faint shouting rose through the phone and I ended the call quickly, unsure of what to do. My hands fidgeted, tossing my phone back and forth, then finally, decided to go digging through our past conversations in search of her brother’s number. I knew I should’ve saved it when she first sent it to me.

Two hours passed and I was barely a month through our texts when my phone began ringing with the caller ID as someone from Brooksville, Florida. I quickly picked up then asked,”Hello?”

“Hi, I’m lookin’ for a person by the name of Hunny Bee?”a man questioned, his voice something of a phone sex operator. He had somewhat of an accent and I realized that I knew that drawl. It was Bray, Abigail’s oldest brother. He somehow got my number and was calling me, hopefully with intentions of delivering good news.

“This is them. Is Abigail alright?” I asked, nibbling on my nails. A small sigh escaped his mouth then he stated,”I think you need to meet us down at the hospital, sweetheart.” I paused at his statement then began nodding as I agreed,”Of course, I’ll grab a cab and be there in ten.”

I snatched my bag from the bed and darted out the door, already ending the call with Bray and dialing for an Uber.

I rushed into the hospital and slammed my hands on the desk, rushing out,”I’m looking for Abigail Wyatt.” The man running the desk looked upwards and said with a monotone, ”Can’t if you’re not family.”

“I’m her sister in law and I suggest if you don’t want her brother in your face, you need to fucking tell me what room they’re in.” I snapped, cracking my knuckles. He rolled his eyes and clicked a few tabs on the keyboard before informing me where they were.

I rushed upstairs and began scanning the room numbers for Abigail’s when I heard someone call my name. I turned on my heel and watched as Bo came into view.

“Bo! Have you heard anything yet?” I rushed out after he crushed me into a hug. He pulled away and I watched his face crumble, giving away exactly what fate my dearest friend had met. Another man stepped beside us and I immediately connected who it was: Bray, the oldest of the Wyatt siblings.

“By the time that the police had arrived, it appears that Randall shot her. They warned him to lower his weapon but instead, he fired at the cops who in return, shot him. I’m very sorry, but Abigail has passed.”he informed me and for a second, the briefest of moments, there was silence, then my mind shattered.

“No! She- she can’t be gone, oh my god, how could I let this happen,I should’ve known, I should have pushed her to get help.” I sobbed, my knees buckling from underneath me. Bray caught me by my arms and lowered me to the ground, allowing me to continue my breakdown. He petted my hair and informed me,”Abigail knew the risks. You did everything you could do, it’s not your fault that she didn’t heed the warnings you were giving to her.”

“But-but I could’ve helped her more, could’ve convinced her to break it off with him.”

“Sweetheart, even if she would’ve tried, I imagine that the same result would’ve came along. This will not fall on your delicate shoulders.” Bray assured me, bringing me to my feet. I let out a sniffle and he offered,”Let me take you back to the house, you can rest there. Bo and I have some… arrangements to take care of.” My mind filled in his pause and I gave a stiff nod, muttering,”All my stuff is back at my hotel though.” He rubbed a calloused thumb over my cheek and said,”If you give me your key, I will retrieve your items and bring it back. I don’t think you need to be alone right now.”

“I-I don’t know why I’m not comforting you… you’re the one who lost his sister.” I murmured, lifting my head. He gave a stiff smile and replied,”Indeed I did.. but you gave her life. After she met you, she was like a beacon for us. You blessed her with light when darkness was being to consume her very being. Thank you… for everything that you did for Abigail.” I nodded then he dropped Bo and I at the house to settle in while he went to go get my items from my hotel room. It was going to take a while for me to fully come to terms about what the hell had taken place over the last couple weeks.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta France to Eurovision with king of controversy

T’was a good decision for the French televisions to make Destination Eurovision a thing for yet another year. Sure, I only end up having heard of only 1 name per year beforehand (Nassi from 2018 and Florina from 2019, additionally hearing music from one other act from each year but forgetting their names soon after!), but that doesn’t stop everyone else for me from showcasing their best. Heck, I have listened to quite a lot out of some of my Destination 2018 favourites and I have never had any idea who they were! (They were Masoe and Max Cinnamon, je suis absolutely NOT désolée.)

And honestly I found this year extremely much more better to care about. For the previous edition I ended up not caring for like 5 or more songs, because I spent more of my investment in the finalists. This year I pretty much cared about way many more songs, even those that I didn’t wound up liking THAT much. Seemone for example, AKA “the only best possible choice for France from those that don’t need to have big followship numbers to have fans for the song, unlike Bilal tsk tsk”. I can’t say I was 100% mesmerized with her song, but I do remember her more than June the Girl, which was quite a fan fave but also a disaster from 2018. Oh sorry, I mean, June the Who?

And of course Destination 2019 paved the way for some more exciting plot twists and turns, for example, two of the bigger fan favourites fizzling out in the semis (and I already lowkey discussed them on my other segment, Fanwank Assimilation), and another two lowkey favourites crashing and burning live (one of them sounding like she was drunk and scared, another one being less energetic than her song requires). What did that give out at the end? Why, nothing but a homosexual French-Morrocan social media starlet Bilal Hassani of course. Let’s go ahead and review his entry.

My first impression of this song turned me off a little because of how... poppy bland it sounded. Nothing against Madame Monsieur’s co-crafting (they did make a song I liked for last year’s Eurovision), it’s just that I think that I’m a person that’s looking more into pop songs with expectations full of excitement, but then getting something average at the end. The English lines in this are ‘reasonatable’(?) with though - it’s a self-empowerement against haters, telling to oneself that they’re the “king” (yes Bilal may be wearing wigs a lot but for the last time - HE DOES NOT IDENTIFY AS A SHE) and that they “can see [their] kingdom”.

Though it grew on me overtime, to the very point I couldn’t see anyone taking his way, not even Seemone, not even any other darkhorse of the comp. No. My organism was fully adapted to the fact Bilal will win, so I ended up there lowkey supporting his win, even if I wanted someone else deep inside. (Same for A Dal 2019 but my inner systems refused to bring myself to Joci possibly winning an A Dal again, though they saw it being a likely endgame... just in a different light of events, but more on the Hungarian writeup, buckle up for that one because there’ll be buckets of everything for that one! >:) ) That and Bilal was kind of a runaway choice considering France is huge and the jury in there can’t do shit if the televoting is valuated in stronger numbers than in Melodifestivalen (I mean, look at how many points did he get??? His telescore beat the televote’s runner-up’s one by 87 points!), so if he has that many fans in a big enough country then of course they were gonna flock to him massively, and ain’t no Eurofan can’t object against the French televote numbers like these. Though they might seem too big because last year Madame Monsieur won with 118 as opposed to the artist’s of a song’s they have co-written with him for this DESC 150. And the televote gap between the 1st and the 2nd was much more humble - 29.

Maybe it has had to do it with the fact that it has a pretty damn alright pop melody that doesn’t sound specifically written for an ESC NF (unlike most of stuff that’s been done by Ylva & Linda and the like)? Maybe it has got to do with the golden hands of both Madame Monsieur members (pretty sure it might have just been Jean-Karl) touching upon this track (and some randomer whose name I don’t remember rn and I don’t want to? idk)? Maybe it’s the state of Bilal’s studio voice capabilities that carry this across for me nicely enough? Maybe it’s the persona? Somehow I don’t think I know but I’ll probably choose the first option. This is listenable, yes. Flows through like a normal pop song would. Maybe would have needed some polishing in some places (for that exists an up-and-coming revamp that will only be revealed on rehearsals (youhou Moldova 2014), but actually I only think that it will impact the song in a way that it will now be in F minor rather than F sharp minor?? So that Bilal could avoid being one of those kind of people that did sth like this:

RETWEET IF YOU CAN HEAR THIS PICTURE

Anyways. For all that it is, I savour it, it’s pretty decent, it stands out with its message if you know what it is (a kiss-off of the haters that once doubted this “roi”), I kind of like the way it’s being sung (and that vocal variation at 1:21) and some of the lyrics are not that bad actually, and for the matter of fact, I’d DIE for a possibility to create a song like this at best; I don’t quite know if it can do as well as his fanbase imagines, but I really hope it at least doesn’t do France dirty for choosing its up-and-coming-ish social media icon over the NF acts that I’ll be going off about a little later and brings a savourable result! I cannot remove my like for this song now that the deed is done, period. And I really hope that someday all this outrageousness over Bilal in a bad way will be stopped because poor 19 year old, let him be whatever sexuality he wants to be as of now, let him have his fans, let him wear those wigs, and keep those upcoming TV series about a terrorist man with an intent to blow up Eurovision in Israel (or something like that) at bay. Not to mention, these nasty caricatures. I definitely did not like seeing them. I legit feel like we’re almost talking about Lithuanian situation and what do my country’s citizens think about gay rights and all that (spoiler alert: they’re not friendly towards them). Stop it, get some help.

Oh and I know this is essentially 2,5-ish months late now but can I adress something real quick before finishing off this review and moving down to my chance-o-meters and all? Pretty please?

To all the Nightcore lyric videos of “Roi” that did this and would still do this:

Please consider looking back at the official lyric video for “Roi”, where it says:

and thank me in advance.

Not can’t, can. No wonder he’s a “roi”, ffs. What would be a king who cannot see his kingdom now? I’m sorry but this is just lowkey absurd, ngl.

Anyway:

Approval factor: As of the time I’m finishing this, I sort of approve it for now. The big dilemma though is to where do I rank this big boy - do I think it deserves to go higher than UK or lower? Do I drown it in the bottom 3 just because I had a rather negative first impression for it? God knows. For now though I’ll aprove it and carry on, dreading for the revamp obliterating some of the song’s charm that I had for it, just like maybe for Spain.

Follow-up factor: I think it is quite of a stepdown, considering last year a lot of guys publicly ADORED “Mercy”, and Madame Monsieur didn’t even need to have a huge social media following just to get that far as to win Destination! Bilal, however, did, and most people didn’t even fancy his self-empowerement ‘anthem’. And so did I at first, and eventhough I kind of like it as of now, I still prefer “Mercy” big time. France for the kings of controversial song topics and controversial entrants!

Big 5 factor: at the end of the day, you cannot change the fact that most of the Bilal fans are definitely centered in France (and maybe in some outskirts in Belgium as well) and not around Europe, especially the first time viewers, boo. So Bilal’s memorability levels in there from a Big 5 country will be questionable, unless his massive-ass French fandom decides to mass-emigrate for a week, get some foreign Simcards and start spamming votes for their idol - that’s a guaranteed televote for a guaranteed low jury vote, and if high any-votes are any indicators for where things are heading (like for Poland 2016 for instance), then Bilal will finish decently, but without any high-votes, he’ll be stuck in a low-low, maybe somewhere in the bottom 10. Sorry if you’re reading this, any remaining Bilal fans on Tumblr... you better get ready for your mass emigration for a week then?

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

Destination’s memes are still glorious to look at, even if it feels like it’s been years since them, considering my social media timeline does not have all that many of them remaining, BUT we still got some highlights from them saved and I can’t wait to freshen up the minds of the mutuals that seemed to have forgotten them. As well as some note-worthy NF songs that the others won’t get the chance to see because only one can represent France and Bilal can’t stand in for any other ones but himself, cuz he is he, and you know he’ll always be. Let’s go:

• Silvàn Areg, probably the biggest underdog-turned-overdog-overnight act of them all out there. Back when his song was still “Le petit Nicolas” (it was changed to “Allez leur dire” thanks to copyright turmoil with some book’s publisher - no it wasn’t about Le petit prince, there ARE Le petit Nicolas stories in there), I don’t think anyone really saw THAT much potential in this song to stand out, maybe except a few select others? I mean who’d even DARE to support this upbeat guitar French-like tune that... has cartooney visuals on stage and that way wows the viewing audience??? NO WAY!!! Yeah these visuals made me truly forget this was one of the songs that didn’t come out in full release yet (as of DESC 2019, only 3 songs weren’t released in full yet, along with The Divaz and Doutson (the latter dragged his kid on stage for his performance BTW, maybe that kid liked Silvàn’s stage illustrations despite maybe not seeing them the way they were supposed to be viewed?) and enjoy the king of popup-book visuals taking it away. So much so I ended up rooting for both visuals AND the song during the final as well (and the final had the colouring book painted!). Don’t you love it when your fave has an impeccable staging AND can nail their performance as well? I sure do... Click to find out his performance serve. I stan men who can sometimes rap out of nowhere when necessary and unexpected.

• Looking for typical French chansons/ballads that make you think of how longsome and melancholic (with a hint of happiness) can things be? Look no further than aforementioned Seemone and her alive-father-ballad, “Tous les deux”. If you’re not here for all this French zany, you can sit back and relax with hearing this piano delight with Adele-ish vocals on top and the paternal gratitude intertwined in the lyrics... well duh, if the constant repetition of “PAPAAAAAA” in the bridge doesn’t give it away for you, an unassumer, then idk what does. Noir, compelling, heart-wrenching, stunning, solid and all that it is. For all the ballad lovers out there. Hope her father’s proud of her achievements (for what did she do is to take the Eurofans by storm against this inevitable Bilal-ness with her feelings-over-fireworks and her strenght to carry out this beauty without crying... in the NF final at least, making International juries side with her more than Bilal, for whom we firstly thought it was over until 150 televotes, even getting the Bjorkdaddy on her side in the semis... only to never win the televoting as hoped to (Bilal was in a different semi so another man won over the girl, while in the final Seemone was 3rd and voted just under another experienced artists and Bilal obviously) and just remain the jury darling) and will hold this song up to himself dearly. We love supportive and thankful children <3

• This 25 year old chanteuse/violinist Gabriella Laberge, hailing all the way from Canada but with a passionate love to France probably ever since performing in La voix (je t'aime nuit et jour), I mean, The Voice France 2016, dived head-first into the social interraction game, with being all-round positive with her supporters, retweeting their stuff, liking their posts, being in groupchats... she did all she could. And the international jury still let her flop big time. Probably they were too underwhelmed at how engaging her entry, “On cherche encore (Never Get Enough)”, was on the big stage, with Gabriella out there, rocking her yellow pantsuit and dancing on top of a rectangle with other cello-or-contra-bass player madames inside of it and stairs to get on top of that rectangle besides the rectangle. Oh and playing the piano at the beginning. Were they afraid she was gonna fall off the rectangle with her musical ‘gun’ the next time? Was it the show opening that startled her chances (as people are afraid that the same will happen to Srbuk in Eurovision 2019)? I don’t know, but for one that I know is the fact that the poor woman was robbed to the core for all the friendliness she radiated. And the violin lady realness she delivered. Here’s now hoping her strong friendship ties with Olivier Dion will persuade him to fly to France from Canada next for a Destination Eurovision adventure, then? (tbh he’s pretty decent!)

• UH-OH! GIVE A LITTLE RESPECT for The Divaz! Seen by me as a little bit of those girlies that will definitely be drowned in the results because of their... aura and decision of paying a tribute to the late Aretha Franklin, I was shooketh to the core when I saw them NAIL “La voix d’Aretha”... the passion, the drive, the energy, the sass, the style, the dresses, THEM VOCALS! Needless to say I got incredibly sold and even more so happy I was interested in hearing that song all along beforehand, so much I think I tried skipping our own NF over just to see these gurls S-L-A-Y! Hopefully this ain’t the last of them together, they’re a true cool bunch. Happy to see that the international juries saw something in them!

• Emmanuel Moire... now, his song “La promesse” is even more so boring sounding imo and would do less of an impression if people didn’t know the message of it, but the message (and his status in the French music skies), boy does it shine. He sings about making a promise to stay true to himself and not be afraid to admit that his heart beats... FOR A MAN! And where is the Eurofan community that denounces a ballad unless it’s gay?? Some happen to still denounce gay ballads too, but only if it comes to NFs apparently :F I applaud for this song existing tbh as I find it nice myself. Such a shame the man couldn’t really sell his song THAT strong enough though, as I couldn’t help but crack a smile at hearing his falsettos go terribly off, but still feeling sorry for the guy. His staging (that has two men playing around, further going for his song’s memo) and the fact that he beat Seemone in televoting due to his bigger status than the rest of the most other DESC participants this year (save for Chimène Badi which has a status as big as his?). And this one moment that made me feel like I’m looking at Malena Ernman’s true form:

• So how about these few other bedazzling NF flops in a little bit of blitz summary, seemingly as the paragraphs here are already going out of hand? Sure! Allow me to introduce y’all to the shy French Mélovin named Ugo who was tryna get to the spotlight all by himself with a song about... crushing I think (he’s fantasizing of meeting a gal in some interesting interesting ways), but tanked majorly live due to being nervous and letting the pre-recorded backings overwhelm him majorly. Then comes the other up-and-coming chanteuse Florina which I also talked about in the fanwank flops section (though I published it right after Spain’s NF because I had enough of THAT rattling around my drafts... and same goes for the rest of my 2019 reviews!) but I’ll put up a mention for her because I undercooked my thoughts for her. “In the Shadow” - studio god-tier that sadly reeked of “Chandelier” heavily and another NF underperformance that grew condescencing during the rehearsal-snippets period that maybe made people keep their hopes up during it just like for Rykka’s, Jana Burčeska’s and Sennek’s odd pre-party performances. Who knows if Michela would have followed them suit if she was allowed to attend all the pre-parties despite “rehearsals”! In the end we still got a lackluster performance and a total 0 point score from the international juries. Wow. I hope that didn’t scar her for life. Also worth a mention are Battista Acquaviva, the Basque-singing goddess that had some sort of a potential but heavily crushed it by sounding weak and a bit drunk even (or even similar to this) on her own performance + adding some Roman-esque shirtless hunks for no reason (sweetie if they didn’t work for Anggun then what’s the point saving your live with them? Unless you can mask it up like Demy, just leave), and the other studio fave that tanked that was Tracy de Sá who served a French-Spanish (!! that’s where the title came from, you really thought the song was gonna b called “Par ici” noooo) summer bop with her rapping skills on fleek and her desire for “whiskey cocktails rum rum rum” as a cherry on this delightful cocktail has also got really grinded down by her live performance where she was barely even enthusiastic to live up to her own song and maybe have needed some of those liquors she offered on the song to make it sound better. But hey, at least from Tracy we got 1) studio version leak drama that obviously affected the poor sis so hard she raged about it on Instagram a bit; 2) slapping track about parties n stuff for our own summer 2019; 3) her own little version of that notorious song which wouldn’t probably be remembered so fondly in the memedom if not for some mother’s pasta dish; 4) the light tunnel she emerged from at the beginning of the song during her performance, which in reality is just the NF arena exit tunnel; 5) this meme:

Yeah well, good luck at your hairbuns and your hoop-de-hoop ‘rings trying to save you this time

• I was also gonna add this interesting phenomena of “hot violinist guy” because of course I remember this hype being set up for some dudes (especially for THAT violinist. I remember almost everyone suddenly crushing on him but I couldn’t care enough to buy it because lol!) even without their song coming out to public - yes I’m talking of Lautner who obviously also tanked during their live performance of this song but the international juries loved the shit out of it (same for aforementioned Ugo... and mind you I wrote them down as sure NQs after seeing their carcrash performances live! To think they would have almost MADE it thanks to them and SHATTER my predictions???) and their bromance probably lived on... for another 15 minutes

And the ‘drunken auntie’ of someone’s that sang a rather underrated catchy spring-esque sunflowery song but completely ruined it by her awkward jumping around in red suit on stage, PhilipElise, but that’d require me to brief my thoughts upon like nearly all of the damn roster of the irrelevants, so it’s best if I forget all the rest and move on!

• Not to mention, Bilal himself is a highlight. On an occasion he’s such a mood, as demonstrated on this first biggest ESC 2019 NF season meme down here:

And keep in mind, that wasn’t the final. But for the final this happened, which is still as amusing as the first:

Epic hairspin! Laura Rizzotto wishes she remembered this technique just in time to engage some more audience so that they could at least pull her out of the NQ zone.

• Who cannot forget the occasional thought of Garou, the NF’s host, singing. This year he was one of the final’s interval acts, and his choice to sing was because of honouring a Frenchman who passed away not so long before the DESC broadcast. Truly the dedication <3

• One of those NF cases that had people rallying up against Eurovision being in Tel Aviv and withdrawing the broadcasters from it by their own force because “well fuck you, our feelings and sentiments towards Palestine are more important than this schlager-ridden shitshow musicfest!!” lolno. Some protesters came on stage sometime after Netta’s guest performance during Semifinal 2, and both Garou and the security guards did their best and hardest to chase them away, but some still got on shot because reasons. This is ridiculous (as much as it was when it was found out that some people in Spain were waiting outside RTVE’s headquarters before the OT 2019 ESC Gala just to make THEIR move) and thankfully it didn’t follow on many more NFs to come.

• oh and also the neon cube argh

Feels like a way larger post than I intended to, and this review is waaaaay long overdue, so at least I tried reminding you of the memes, didn’t I? Anyway, I wish Bilal for all the best in Tel Aviv! xx

[marvelous-imagining]

The New Winter Soldier

Request: I love love love your writing! could I have a Steve or Bucky imagine where the reader is an avenger who is captured by hydra and turned into a female winter soldier to get back at the avengers? the team doesn't know Steve/Bucky likes the reader until they see how distraught he is. Can it have a happy ending?💖

A/N: Decided to go with Steve since I haven’t done a Steve imagine since Halloween... At first I thought I could maybe write the imagine with both Bucky and Steve in it with two different endings, but... chickened out. Also, I need to get these imagines done soon, I’m stressing over having them in my drafts for too long. Sorry for taking so long, I hope you all understand. So, the reader is not  as shaken up as you’d probably expect her to be but the thing is I wrote this one three part series called Captured  a while back and the reader’s going through a lot and I just didn’t feel like  repeating that and just wanted to get this done asap. It ended up being so long and I hope this one is good enough. (Also, I’ve got to stop it with these long A/N’s) No requests for second part, please.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Words: 5,557

Warning: some angst

Looking at your empty and unmade bed, Steve tried to hold back the tears and the urge to punch a hole into the wall. He wondered how he could have let HYDRA capture you. He was beating himself up over it, blaming himself for what had happened to you although it really wasn't his fault. You had sacrificed yourself on a mission to save a teammate, that teammate being Bucky, your and Steve's very good friend.

HYDRA wanted the Winter Soldier back and had tried to take him in many times but hadn't succeeded. A few days before, they had been close to getting him in, they tried to wipe him by using the trigger words but you rushed to Bucky's aid. You had ran over to him and covered his ears, even gave him some earmuffs which led to you getting shot since you were mostly protecting Bucky, not yourself.

Bucky of course had tried to help you but you told him to go away, get the hell out of there. It had taken some convincing, but you succeeded in getting Bucky out of there and unfortunately leaving you behind for HYDRA to take in.

Getting back to the team had been nerve-racking for Bucky. He also felt like it had been his fault that you were left behind. You had helped him get away, Bucky felt like he could have helped you.

The team didn't blame Bucky for what he had done. You were the one who sacrificed themselves to spare a teammate from getting captured. You did a heroic thing, Bucky just did as you told him to do.

So, why was Steve blaming himself? Because he was supposed to be there with you and Bucky, fighting the enemy but instead he had been helping his other teammates since there were a lot more enemies than they had expected. Unfortunately at that same time more enemies had made their way to you and Bucky.

Steve and Bucky, along with everyone else, were very bummed out about the situation but the one who it really took a toll on was Steve.

Steve had feelings for you and had had for a while. Nobody else knew about his feelings although Steve usually was very easy to read. It surprised even himself how he could keep it as a secret from you and the others.

Steve spent a lot of time in your room, just because he missed you so much. Seeing all of your stuff around, even a few clothes on the bed. You had to leave for the mission in a rush and had no time to clean up. You had some files scattered on your desk. He walked over to the desk and sat down on the chair, looking at the desk, seeing a bag of your favorite snacks in the corner. A small smile made its way to his lips as he reached his hand in and took one.

"You know if she knew you were eating her snacks, she'd freak out." Bucky said from the door, making Steve jump slightly, surprised he didn't hear Bucky come in.

"Yeah," Steve sighed and turned the chair so he could face Bucky. "She probably would."

"Although you might be one of the few people she'd actually share them with."

Steve sent a small smile Bucky's way and made a move to stand up from the chair but Bucky held his hand up, telling Steve to stay put as he made his way to your bed, sitting down on it. Bucky placed his elbows on his knees and crossed his hands, looking at Steve. Bucky's brows furrowed and he opened his mouth to say something only to close it again. He did that a couple of times more before Steve lost patience.

"What is it?" The blonde asked, making sure not to sound too annoyed.

Bucky pursed his lips and straightened his posture, placing his palms on his knees before heaving a sigh. "Steve, I know you miss her, I really do." Bucky started, making Steve's gaze fall to the floor. "You've just been cramped up in her room for... hours. We're all starting to get worried."

Steve sighed and was about to reply but Natasha burst through the door. "There's something you gotta see." She said and went over to the TV you had in your room, turning it on.

The news were reporting a terrorist attack, all caused by one person, described to have a mask, hiding their face and black clothes, only one of the sleeves on their jacket was silver with a red star painted on it.

Steve and Bucky both shot up from their seats and shared a look before nearing the television. They looked at the TV, listening to the reporter intently and watched footage of the person fighting, shooting people.

"Oh, my God." Steve said quietly as he recognized the moves of the person fighting other people.

Bucky picked up on the moves too and his eyes widened as he realized who it was. "But... That's..." Bucky couldn't form a proper sentence in his shocked state.

"Y/N." Natasha finished for you. "She's the new Winter Soldier." She said before turning off the television.

Steve continued to stare at the black screen of the television, not able to believe what he had just heard and seen.

Bucky sat back down on the bed and buried his face in his hands, knowing what you were going through because he had gone through the same things, only for a longer period of time. He turned to look at Steve who was still staring at the turned of TV.

"Steve—" Natasha started only to have Steve storm out of the room. Natasha and Bucky shared a quick look before following after him.

Steve's fists were clenched as he walked around the halls, resisting the growing urge to punch a hole in the wall.

"Steve, wait!" Natasha called out. "Stop, we can—"

"No." Steve turned around. "I just need some time alone." He muttered and continued his way, leaving Bucky and Natasha behind.

Steve was in the training room, punching a bag, his third one to be exact. Steve wasn't the type of guy to let out all his anger or frustration on other people, he bottled it up and instead took it out on workout equipment.

Steve was frustrated and angry for what HYDRA had done to you. He was angry because they had done the same thing to you as they had done to Bucky. He hated the fact that two of the most important people in his life had to go through that but he also hated the fact that he too had to deal with that situation twice.

First, he lost Bucky only to see him 70 years later as the Winter Soldier, HYDRA's own killing machine. Another few years later Steve had Bucky in his life again but then the same evil organisation took you, the woman he had feelings for, and made you into a similar killing machine as well.

He had lost two of the most important people in his life to the same organisation and it enraged him. He had to get all that frustration out before he'd lash out on someone. He just needed to calm down before the team started to think of a rescue plan to get you back.

The more he thought about you and all the problems HYDRA had caused, he got angrier and angrier. He was fuming mad, hitting the punching back with much strength. Soon his strikes became so strong that the bag flew across the room, landing on the floor many feet away.

"How many bags have you gone through?"

Steve turned to look at the door, seeing Wanda leaning against the door with her arms crossed. Her gaze wandered around the room, shrugging as she got the answer to her question without having Steve actually say anything. "So... four." She said quietly and pushed herself off of the door.

"Why'd you come here?" Steve asked as he unwrapped his hands from the white thin band.

"I could practically hear your thoughts from upstairs." Wanda sighed as she made her way towards Steve. "I wasn't even trying to read your mind. There's chaos inside your head."

Steve sighed and sat down on a bench, resting his head in his hands. He didn't say anything, just shook his head slightly.

"Nat told me to keep an eye on you while they're away. She told me you how you reacted earlier."

"So now you're my babysitter?"

"No." She shook her head. "I'm your friend."

Steve lifted his gaze from the ground and looked at Wanda, seeing her send a sad smile in his direction.

"We're all worried about her, Steve." She said. "But we're also worried about you."

Steve's brows furrowed slightly as he looked at Wanda, expecting her to explain her statement further.

"You've been acting very... distraught." She said. "More than anyone else."

Steve sighed in defeat and stood up from the bench. "I'm going to take a shower." He mumbled and walked past Wanda.

Everyone, except for Steve, were gathered in the meeting room, waiting for the Captain to join them. They were talking to each other, chatting this and that until the door opened and Steve stepped inside. Everyone fell quiet and just looked at Steve who frowned at the silent stares of his teammates. Steve just ignored them and sat down at the table.

Tony placed a tablet with a file of the mission in it in front of Vision who looked through it before giving it to the person sitting next to her. The tablet circled the table as Tony talked about the plan for the mission, showing exits and entries of the base they were going to from a map, telling the time and all other necessary information of the mission.

The tablet was finally passed to Steve and he looked through it, reading everything, even the people included in the mission. He was surprised not to see his name listed there. He checked it again, a few times. "Why am I not a part of this mission?" He asked, turning to look at Tony who then turned to Natasha, clearing his throat. "What's going on?"

Tony walked over to Steve and took the tablet in hand, placing it between his arm and rib, holding it there securely as he walked back to the other side of the table. "Steve... You're not in this mission because you've been acting a little... unsteady."

"What?" Steve asked.

"Unstable."

"Excuse me?"

"Imbalanced?"

"Stop listing adjectives!" Steve raised his voice slightly, looking annoyed. "Why am I not in this mission?"

"He just told you, Steve." Natasha said. "You're not fit for work right now."

"Yes, I am." Steve fought back. "I'm perfectly capable of going on this mission. I need to save her, get her back!"

"Captain, you are letting your emotions control you." Thor chimed in. "I hate to say this but—"

"Then don't say it." Steve said through gritted teeth. "I need to go! I have to save Y/N."

"You keep saying 'I'," Clint pointed out. "You know, we're here too, right? You're not alone in this."

Steve sighed and leaned back on his chair, making the backrest tilt backwards slightly. "I just... I have to help her." He said quietly, adverting his gaze to the table. "I just can't stand the thought of her—"

"Oh, my God." Bucky said quietly, making Steve look at him in confusion. "You love her."

Steve's eyes widened and he shook his head, "N-No... I wouldn't say lov—"

"I can't believe I didn't notice that before, it's painfully obvious."

"It's not painfully obvious." Steve fought back and turned back to the team, seeing everyone already looking at him. "I just want to save her, that's all."

Tony nodded, taking the tablet and tapping his fingers on the screen. "You're on the mission now." He said and gave the tablet to Steve who then checked the participants again, seeing his name added.

"Thank you." Steve said quietly and slid the tablet back to Tony.

Tony gave Steve a small smile before shaking his head slightly. "Okay, well... We'll see bright and early tomorrow." Tony said and went over to the door. "Let's get Cap's girl back." He said before walking out of the room.

Steve decided not to say anything and just ignored Tony's comment before he got up and neared the door as well.

"Steve?" He heard Natasha call out for him as the others made their way out of the room. He turned around with an arched brow, seeing Natasha waving her hand, telling him to wait for a while.

So Steve stepped away from the door, waiting until the others had exited the room until he turned his attention to the redhead who circled the table, sitting on it so she was facing Steve. "So... you have feelings for Y/N?"

Steve sighed, crossing his arms as he leaned back against the wall. "I'm a bit surprised nobody noticed." He said with a shrug. "I wasn't trying hard to hide it."

Natasha shook her head slightly as she smiled at Steve. She hopped off the table and walked to the door. "Act all nonchalant if you want," she started as she walked to the doorway. "All I wanted was to help you."

Steve just nodded and watched Natasha walk out of the room. He pushed himself off of the wall and turned to the door only to have Natasha rush back in, making him jump slightly. "When did you start having feelings for her?" She asked, holding her hand on the wall, blocking Steve's way. "When and why?"

"Nat, please..." Steve muttered, looking away from her. "I really don't want to talk about it."

Natasha nodded, muttering a quiet apology before she took a small step away from the wall. She gestured to the door, showing Steve that she wasn't going to stop him.

Steve was quick to leave the room. He rushed past Bucky who was waiting for him outside the meeting room. Bucky was about to ask Steve how he was doing but Steve didn't give his friend the chance. He just walked past him, not looking back.

A small frown formed on Bucky's face as he watched his friend walk away. He sighed and turned to the door, seeing Natasha walking out of the meeting room, closing the door behind him. "Anything?" He asked, referring to if she got any information out of Steve.

She shook her head, her long red hair bouncing slightly. "I didn't want to push him. This really took a toll on him."

Bucky nodded, agreeing. He was about to open his mouth but they were interrupted by the sound of someone hitting a punching bag in the gym that was on the same floor.

"Again?" Natasha asked with a raised brow.

"He just needs to let out some steam." Bucky shrugged, brows furrowing in worry.

Steve sat in the corner of the quinjet with his elbows on his knees, looking down at the floor in front of him. He hadn't properly talked to anyone in days, he had been so lost in thought. All he could think about was you. Whenever someone had got him to talk, the subject turned to your situation. Steve really was having a rough time with all that was going on.

He could hear his teammates whispering on the other side of the quinjet. By the way he'd sometimes catch some of them watching him, he knew they were talking about him.

"FRIDAY, how long until we land?" He asked, trying to drown out the whispers.

"Ten minutes, Captain Rogers."

He nodded, standing up and grabbing his shield, going over to the team who quickly quieted down after seeing him nearing them. "So," Steve started, stopping beside them. "Everyone knows their part in this mission, right?" He asked, looking each individual member in the eye. "Where to go, what to do..."

"Yes, Cap, we know." Clint sighed. "I get that you're worried but—"

"Good." Steve interrupted Clint. "Get ready, we're about to land."

It soon became quiet in the quinjet as the team got ready to fight. When the quinjet landed, everyone ran out, fighting off the people outside. While the others stayed behind, Tony, Steve and Bucky made their way to the entry of the base. Bucky and Steve stayed behind as Tony took a shot at the door, sending it down after three shots.

There were HYDRA soldiers right behind the door and Tony took a few shots again, now joined by Steve and Bucky who made their way inside the base, shooting and knocking out enemies as they made their way further into the base.

"Go, I'll keep them at bay." Tony told the two super soldiers and they continued their way as Tony stayed behind, slowing the enemies down.

Steve and Bucky ran through the corridors, searching for you. Steve was afraid they'd have to fight you and knowing what the Winter Soldier can be like, he really wished he wouldn't have to.

Bucky busted in through a door, cocking his gun, ready to shoot if someone came in the way. The two walked around the lab, looking around to make sure nobody was around. Unfortunately, there was.

A man with a lab coat was hiding under the table and held a gun in hand, pointing it at Steve but Bucky was quick to pull the man out of hiding and hitting him in the face, making him fall to the ground, unconscious.

"What's behind that door?" Steve asked as they made their way to the back of the lab, seeing tall and heavy looking dark grey doors. Bucky shrugged and they made their way to the doors, opening them before stepping inside.

Steve was immediately met with a sight of another man with a lab coat and you, frozen in a cryo freezer. Steve was quick to wield his shield at the man in the lab coat, knocking him out before he got to do anything. Bucky cursed under his breath and they both rushed over to you. "We found her." Bucky said to the comm. "She's frozen. Gonna need a while for her to wake up."

Steve was quick to turn off the cryo and open it up, picking your cold body and placing you on a table. He sat down next to the table and looked at you, tears brimming his eyes. He grabbed your cold hand in his and ran his other hand along your forearm, blinking away the tears forming in his eyes.

"Steve," Bucky called out quietly. "She might not remember—"

"I know." Steve muttered and turned towards Bucky, "I know." He repeated, sending his friend a small smile which was returned.

"We should probably take her to the quinjet, to get checked if everything's alright."

Steve nodded and lifted you up only to hear you let out a whine. His eyes widened and he looked down at you, seeing your eyes slowly opening, then closing.

"Y/N?"

"Huh?" He heard you ask as you lifted your head up and laid it on his chest, falling asleep again.

"She's still pretty out of it." Steve said. "Let's go." He said, seeing Bucky nod in agreement. The two started running out of the base.

"We're coming out, we've got Y/N. Keep the enemies busy." Bucky called out to the other members of the team and they picked their base, running as fast as they could until they were outside.

The fight was still going on and they tried to pick up their pace even more, getting to the quinjet safely.

Steve laid you down and Bruce rushed over, checking up on you with the equipment he had taken with him. Steve stayed beside you the whole time, not ridding his gaze from you even when the other members of the team came inside the vehicle and when they took off.

"She's fine, just needs time to wake up." Bruce told Steve, waiting for him to react in any way. "I'm still going to check on her better back at the compound."

"Thank you, Bruce." Steve said, glancing up at him quickly before looking down at you again, running the back of his hand over your cheek. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, still feeling guilty for what happened to you. "So sorry."

Waking up, feeling lightheaded, you lifted your head off of the soft pillow and opened your eyes. The bright lights made you squint your eyes and you covered them for a while, letting your eyes get used to the brightness and you looked around, seeing that you were in a room with a doctor facing away from you.

The doctor turned around and you recognized his face along with the dark curls on his head. "Bruce?" You asked.

He sent you a small smile. "Seems like you don't have much problem with your memory." He said and walked over to you. "Everything is fine physically too, although..." He frowned and looked at a blood sample in his hand. "Seems like you have been injected with the super soldier serum."

You sighed, closing your eyes as you let your head fall back against the pillow. "Yeah, that happened." You said with a small chuckle. "They  couldn't have a Winter Soldier without the serum."

"Do you remember much about being under their control?"

You shook your head. "It's weird... Maybe it's going to take some time." You said, frowning. "All I really remember is the pain of getting my memories wiped, a few explosions caused by me—" You stopped, gasping. "How much damage did I cause?"

Bruce looked away from you and you saw his jaw clench. You groaned, lifting your hand to your forehead. "Did I hurt anyone from the team?"

"No." He answered quickly. "You were iced when we got to the base."

You sighed in relief, "Well, that's good." You muttered and sat up. "Can I leave?"

Bruce nodded and stepped away from bed, letting you leave.

You made your way to the common room first, seeing if anyone was around. You took quiet steps towards the room, seeing Bucky, Steve and Sam sitting on the couches, just hanging around.

"Hey." You called out quietly, making all three men turn towards you.

Sam shot up from his seat and turned to you, taking in your appearance. "Man, you buffed up." He said with a small smile.

"Yeah, I'm a super soldier now." You chuckled, flexing your bicep. You frowned at how unimpressed he looked. "You still think you can win me in a fight, don't you?" You asked, seeing him shrug. "You wanna spar?" You challenged him, making him laugh. "Come on I'll fight you—what time is it?"

"12:42." He said and you glanced out of the window, seeing the sun still up.

"I'll meet you after dinner." You said, patting his shoulder.

"It's great to have you back." He said and opened his arms to hug you. You let out a hum in agreement, hugging him briefly before turning to Bucky.

You saw the sad look in his eyes and went straight for the hug, wrapping your arms around his neck. "You're blaming yourself, aren't you?" You asked, not letting him respond before you continued. "It wasn't your fault, Bucky. I was the one who made the call." You said and pulled away, resting your hands on his shoulders.

Bucky nodded, glancing back at Steve who was still sitting on the couch. "Uhm..." Bucky started, turning to you again. "Any memories from—"

You shook your head. "Not right now, at least." You said with a sigh.

"Well, if anything comes up, you can come to me." He offers with a small smile. "I owe you a lot, you saved me."

You gave him another quick hug and then turned to Steve who quickly stood up from his seat, looking at you for a good few seconds, making you give him a questioning look. "Hey, Steve. What—" You were interrupted by him enveloping you in a warm, tight hug.

You were so caught off guard by his sudden actions but you slowly wrapped your arms around him as well. You turned to look at Bucky and Sam, sending them a confused look but got nothing but a shrug back. You turned your head back, running your hands up and down Steve's back. "Steve what's going on?" You asked carefully. "You're freaking me out."

Steve only tightened his hold on you and you decided to shut up for the mean time and just hugged him back. You heard footsteps behind you, realizing Bucky and Sam were leaving the room to leave you and Steve alone.

When he finally pulled away, you placed your hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye, still confused as ever. "What's going on?"

Steve gulped visibly and looked at you with guilt in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry." He repeated.

"Steve, none of this was your fault and you know that." You said quite harshly. "You're not the person to take the blame for this. I caused this upon myself." You said, pulling your hands back. "I get why Bucky would feel guilty, although he is not, but I don't understand why you would."

Steve shook his head. He was about to speak up but you interrupted him again.

"I would have done it even if you were there."

Steve's jaw clenched and he turned his head to the side, looking away from you.

"Why do you feel guilty for what happened to me? You don't need to apologize, you couldn't have done anything to prevent that from happening. You should just be happy that—"

"Happy?" He asked, brows furrowed. "Happy for what? Happy that you had to go through torture? Happy that you had to go through exactly what Bucky did?"

"Well, not exactly—"

"You know how long it took for him to get over it." Steve interrupted you.

"Yes, I know. I was there." You said, the tone in your voice coming off harsher than you intended. "God, Steve, I'm fine!" You insisted. "Didn't you see how I interacted with Sam and Bucky? I even joked around with Sam—"

"And that's supposed to make everything alright? If you crack jokes, that means nothing bad ever happened, right?"

"No, Steve. I—"

Steve interrupted you once again and began ranting about how you should take the situation more seriously.

"Steve!" You yelled out, stopping him from going on with his speech. "I did what I had to do to save a teammate. I risked myself for someone else, that's what we do! We do this to keep others safe from people like HYDRA. Why are you so mad at me for doing my job?" You asked, feeling slightly hurt by his words. "If anybody else had done it, you wouldn't be yelling at them like this. Why do you treat me differently?"

"Because he loves you."

Your eyes widened as you looked behind Steve, seeing Natasha standing there, rolling her eyes. "What?" You asked, turning back to Steve.

"I never said love." Steve muttered as a blush crept onto his cheeks. "Can we talk in private?"

You nodded, still surprised by what Natasha had said. Steve turned around, sending Natasha a glare as he walked past him.

"Somebody had to tell her." Natasha shrugged. "It's not like you were planning to do it."

You followed Steve but stopped as you got in front of Natasha. "H-he... Uhh—" You stuttered, pointing at Steve who was walking away.

"I'm sorry to drop that kind of a bomb on you." She said quietly. "I think you should talk to him." She said, making you nod. "Oh, it's great to have you back, by the way." She added as you began walking away, towards where Steve went.

You walked along the halls, seeing the door to his room open and you stepped in. You saw him on his desk, just sitting on the chair waiting for you. You shut the door quietly and went over to sit on his desk. You waited for him to start talking or at least look at you but he didn't. You reached your hand out to him, nudging his arm which finally made him look up at you. "What's up?"

Steve sighed, leaning back on his chair. "You heard what Natasha said."

You shrugged, swinging your feet under the table as you held your hands on the corner of the table. "So it's true?"

"Well... I never said... I'm not—"

"Basically the love part was exaggerated?" He nodded. "But you do have feelings for me?"

Steve nodded, pursing his lips.

You let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding and rested your chin on your hand. "How long?"

Steve huffed, thinking about his answer for a second. "I don't even know. A long time ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?" You asked with a gentle tone.

He scratched the back of his neck, letting out a breathy laugh. "We're friends, teammates... Didn't want to complicate things or make you feel uncomfortable."

Your heart swelled at his confession. The fact that he was ready to find his feelings in the fear of making you feel uneasy showed you just how much he cared about you. "You still had the right to tell me." You muttered, lowering your gaze to your lap. "Is there any other reason?"

"Fear of rejection, I guess."

You couldn't help but smile. You lifted your gaze to his, seeing him looking right at you. "Well that fear is just ridiculous."

With furrowed brows, he asked, "What do you mean?"

You placed your foot under the armrest of his chair and pulled him right in front of you, making his brows rise in surprise. You smiled down at him, ruffling his hair a bit. "Who in their right mind would ever reject you?" You asked quietly, running your hand to his cheek, letting your hand linger there for a few seconds before pulling it back.

Steve looked at you, his mouth slightly agape as the realization hit him. He tilted his head slightly, narrowing his eyes as he comprehended what you had just said. "You... You feel the same way?"

You threw your hands up, letting them fall on your thighs. "For your information I had a huge crush on you when we first met."

"Really?"

"Yes! The crush never went away but it did get easier to be around you without blushing profusely and stuttering like crazy." You said, taken aback by how surprised he was. "You didn't notice? I thought you did."

He just shook his head, blushing himself.

"Are you going to ask me out now?" You asked. "I mean we did both just confess our feelings for one another... Why not go on a date?"

"Okay, I have to ask." Steve said and leaned forward on his chair, looking up at you through his lashes. "How are you so fine with all this? You haven't shown a sign of distress or anxiety from what you went through. What's going on?"

"I don't remember much about it." You sighed, brushing your swinging foot against his leg. "Am I shaken up? Yeah, I am." You admitted, feeling Steve place a hand on your knee in a comforting way. "Does the thought of hurting innocent people against my will bother me? Absolutely." You admitted, shaking your head. "Maybe it's just better I don't remember."

"You know Bucky started to remember after a while." Steve pointed out.

You nodded, "I know. When or if that happens, I expect you guys to be there for me." You said with a small smile. "You'll be there for me, right?"

"Of course." Steve said, giving you a smile as well.

"Good." You said and hopped off the table. You set your hand on his shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. "I think I should go meet the rest of the team, maybe have a little talk with Bucky about... all this, just to talk this through." You asked, seeing him nod along. "But... About that date." You said, seeing him lift his head from the back rest, tilting his head. "You interested?"

He nodded, "Yes, of course." He said, clearing his throat, suddenly feeling nervous.

You bit your lip, preventing yourself from smiling as you noticed his nervousness as well. "How's tomorrow? I think I'll just go easy tonight, you know?"

"Of course," he nodded harder. "Yeah."

Now you couldn't help but let out a quiet laugh. You leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss on his cheek before walking out the door. Before you could close it, Bucky stopped you. "Oh, Bucky. Can we talk later?" You asked, seeing him give you a confused look. "Just to talk some things through."

Bucky nodded, "Yeah, sure. Just come by my room whenever."

"Okay, thanks. I'll see you." You said and turned to Steve once more, waving goodbye. "Bye, Steve."

Steve waved back, letting out a breath as you left and Bucky stepped in the room. "I'm so glad you came, I need help." Steve said, standing up from his seat.

"Help with what?"

"What's a good place to take a girl on a date here?" Steve asked.

Bucky's brows knitted together before they shot up. "Y/N?" He asked with a ghost of a smile on his lips. "Way to go, Steve!" He said, nudging his friend's shoulder. "Sure, I'll help you out."

"Thanks, man." Steve sighed in relief.

"Okay, so let's start planning." Bucky said excitedly, clasping his hands together.

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[theeyeofsun-blog]

THE THEME IS ART

long time no see huh? yeah it would be fair to at least to give u an excuse for abandoning  this blog well it is my blog i fill it whenever i please and i abandon it whenever i wish to right? hehehe it is funny that i feel even my way of writing has changed  since last time u see? i read mostly english books which upgrade only my english creativity in writing and shuts down everything else well it does not have to do all that however u better know me at this level or u perhaps don’t it does not strike me honestly i might feel moved but hmmmm i think I'm worth being impressed by hehehe idk maybe in my own world im my own hero well let’s get to the heart to it yes it been what 5 or 6 months since i wrote something fairly long yes i agree but let me inform u that this was not in my attention i like to write and share ideas ALL THE TIME and those who know me very well would say the same however there are multiple reasons why i didn’t typed anything the last days well as u might know I'm engineering student yes i do numbers and yeah i think my sight is weaken a little bit now I'm writing this w font that’s bigger than my heart and clearer than my future heheheheh just because I'm not wearing my glasses okay friend let’s talk about everything i didn’t share w u last months i read some books i wouldn’t say many how ever i read some that are useful and i halfway kept my word also I'm watching best documentaries series rn and i’d love to recommend them to u plus i have been listening  to some VERY MEGA GOOD MUISC i’ll share this too i’ll tell u some stories in the end okay i think now we outlined this post let’s get to the bone heheheh okay first i’ll tell u about books bc you now what’s better than books to cuddle or to speak w or to be inspired by? i can’t imagine doing all these things w one person or from one thing first book is

How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life BY Scott Adam

this book id written by cartoonist telling you how to learn for many failures in ur life and use them in your advantage also he tells many stories about his career life and how to maintain and habit successful people’s life style i really enjoyed this book very much and learned useful things there is very important thing i’d like to point out here about what he said i think it is very true he said that having unfixable schedule might kill your creativity and desire to create things or accomplish anything really i can see that for example when i have to study or work on project i literally hate when im entailed to do something i just don’t like to be told what i should do or not this is really bugs me and stresses me very much this lead me to avoid any work that would push me to follow orders or just to what I'm told to do this makes me offended actually and kills my ideas i hate to be limited by anything this maybe explain my grades at school hehehehe anyhow READ IT it is like hearing useful tips from someone who is older and much experienced i always think that old people are really treasure u can take shortcuts and finding meaning and wisdom just by listening to those who lived before u. now let’s head to next book which i have read a long time ago but re-read it idk why i just forgot what’s was about also i was fool and young i couldn’t just understand. second book is

Tuesdays with Morrie By Mitch Albom

it is a book about a dying teacher and student and meaning of life this book is v emotional and very easy and short to read i felt like Morrie is was my teacher too and i cried this let me recommend to you also another book about dying professor too and his massage to his children which isThe Last Lecture BY Randy Pausch I read it last year i believe it is very good book i apologize in advance for the tears u will  be pouring after reading these two hehehehe let’s move on i read also first book of raven boys check it out now im in process of reading the second one. that all what i read. now let me tell you about some good documentaries i have watched first if u are a person like me who always searching about what does it mean to have a passion on making certain things like drawing or writing or programming or designing what is that thing that let people work like crazy w/o limitations or get tried of it u must watch

Chife’s Table

it is a series about chiefs from around the world talking about one this passion of cooking and art. i can’t tell you much u just have to watch rn. the other series is also about Art and artists it is also fun to watch and get some energy fromsome times before i go to school i watch one ep to energize me up i like watching or reading about people doing what they love

Abstarct: The art of Design

every episode is about a different designer and his or her way of thinking about things in order to make them alive i can’t tell you more u have to watch it and tell me what u think. the other movie which is documentary also is

The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness

it is about Hayao Miyazaki if u don’t know how is Miyazaki im really ashamed of youjust kidding hehehehehe look it up friend.

now my favorite ending let’s talk about music i just realize how much i appreciate Art and music i can’t tell you how much of my life is around this area i don’t consider myself a writer  pre say tbh honest although i like expressing thoughts no matter if they are cheerful or depressing i just like to see words is that what u like  me to tell you?yeah i know my writing is sucks but i just like hitting this keyboard avoiding interactions w other humans i just like to praise my thoughts hehehehe idk honestly i just feel i have to see my thoughts in physical way to respect them more i can’t tell you about what im experiencing bc u will never understand me and this is not bc of u personally oh no friend it is bc of me im really odd person as u might noticed i built a relationship here w u just by calling u my dear reader a friend truth to be told i appreciate anyone reading my posts no matter what even if they don’t know me or me don’t know them it is enough for me to know that someone out there took time and effort to read this very bad post this bc of that i thought to myself that l have to treat those who are interested in my ideas in special way than others just let me clarify i only assume that u are interested in this im not positive u could be reading this for any reason but i like to think that u are my dear reader are intersected  because that keep me happy heheheheh anyhow music yes music is the background of all u see here music is the soul of my day i listen to music everyday i learned many things from music currently im strongly into twenty one pilots aka a constant heart attack just pick any song by them and listen to it u will be cursed forever w fondness of them. end of post be productive be alert to opportunities and remember dark hours and essential for meaningful life!!!!!!

im sorry that i didn’t make any room for my personal stories if u like me to tel u just tell me and i i’ll make sure to make another post. For now bye.