#but yeah i'm just like. there's a Lot to unpack here but jesus i hate 'how to hurt a narcissist' bullshit so much

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[cw: anti-NPD ableism, fictional child death, gore.]

you know. i can't believe it didn't quite click for me until now, but i knew there was a piece of the ableism puzzle missing with ivan, and i just realized that along with the audhd/dyslexia stuff he is a really violently hateful depiction of NPD.

pwNPD are all evil, stupid abusers who will only ever accomplish anything by riding others' coattails; anyone who believes they have worth or deserve love only thinks that because they're fooling themselves and denying reality, at the expense of the reasonable people who actually deserve the love and approval they're hogging; it's funny, satisfying, and their just deserts to take them down a peg by intentionally insulting and humiliating them; and you should cheer for their gruesome, frankly dehumanizing deaths. very awesome and cool

[kira-anon-uwu]

Blossom in ribcage, until their backs break [ 1 ]

Coming out Swinging

Spiderinnit fic

Main post

~-~

          "Tommy, get up! We're going to be late!"

He sat up with a tired groan, throwing his pillow at his brother. "You mean you're going to be late; I don't have to be there this early."

"You do if you don't want to take the bus."

"Well who fucking said that you had to be in this early?"

"The principal, and if you want to keep living here you'll make sure I'm on time."

"You're a grown man, it isn't my job to help you make it to work on time."

"You have fifteen minutes, or I'm leaving you here and personally handing you your late slip when you finally get there."

"I'll just stay home."

"I'll tell Sam to bar you from that fieldtrip you have coming up if you do that."

That got Tommy out of bed, and he scowled at Wilbur the entire time. "Fuck off, don't you dare."

"Then you better not skip school."

"I've been looking forward to that trip for ages, I saved up my own fucking money for-"

"Holy shit, calm down. I wouldn't actually do that to you, you know that."

"I'm- Yeah, yeah sorry. Still not fully used to living with you over-"

"I know, it's alright. Get ready quickly, and we should still have some time for me to run through a drive-thru to grab us some breakfast on the way to the school, ok?"

"Damn, you'll run through it? Are everyone's grades that bad?"

"You know what I meant,", Wilbur said with an amused exhale from his nose, "Ten minutes, alright? I'm going to go warm up the car."

"No, leave it cold; wakes a man up better than coffee."

"If I don't let it warm up, it won't be running. Don't forget to put the shit you were working on last night in your bag, I can't get you any more of an extension on that now that we're done unpacking."

"Yeah, yeah,", Tommy rolled his eyes, searching his floor for some jeans that were clean enough he could get away with wearing them again.

Realistically, he'd still be getting up around this time if he didn't go in when Wilbur did, since the L'Manberg busses ran like shit on a good day, but he refused to acknowledge that since he hated to admit that his brother was right about anything. Except having him move out to live with him, that was a good idea; the only one the man ever had, really.

How he was affording a two bedroom flat on a teacher's salary was beyond him, but Tommy didn't really question that when it meant he could move out from Phil's house.

          Tommy remembered to stick his overdue school work into his bag before heading out, it was the backpack he ended up forgetting. It was easy enough to run back up four flights of stairs to grab it, at least, and he tried his best to hide how hard he was panting as he got to the car.

"Don't fucking pass out, jesus christ."

"Sorry, nearly forgot something,", Tommy breathed out, leaning the passenger side seat back as far as possible so he could lay down.

"You remembered to lock the door, right?"

"Probably."

"Tommy."

"Yes, I locked it. My shit's in there too, I'm not about to leave it open for someone to come in and take things."

"Just wanted to be sure,", Wilbur sighed, waiting for a break in the morning traffic to pull out of the parking spot, "Buckle your seatbelt, I don't feel like getting a ticket today."

Tommy muttered out a string of swears as he sat up to follow the demand. "Y'know, you were a lot more fun before you went off to university to become a narc."

"I'm not a fucking narc, how dare you."

"You are in fact a narc, snitch, and square now that you are a teacher."

"I will fail you."

"That's the only reason you wanted me in your class, so you can threaten me with my grades."

"I have done no such thing,", Wilbur chuckled, "Figure out what you want from Dunkin."

"Same shit as always."

"Wanted to make sure you weren't changing it up any."

Tommy set his arms behind his head with a sigh. "It's nice to have some things stay the same. The decent aspects of shit, at least."

"Listen, Tommy, I know alot of this has been hard-"

"We're not having this talk before school, I'm not in the fucking mood for it."

"No, I know, I'm just- I'm here for you when you are ready to talk, I want to make sure you know that."

"... Yeah, I know."

Wilbur gave him a reassuring smile through the rearview mirror, reaching over to ruffle his hair without taking his eyes off of the road.

"Hey- Fucking stop that! I brushed it this morning!"

"Oh, good, then I should still be able to find the brush stuck in there."

"It's about to be stuck up your ass."

"Why would you waste a perfectly good weapon like that?"

          A failed attempt to crash the car and trip through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru later, and they arrived at the school. Tommy took his tea and lukewarm bagel sandwich to the cafeteria to wait for his friends, sitting in the corner of the nearly empty room and watching as other students started showing up.

People left him alone for the most part by this point, realizing that he wasn't very fun to bully and kissing his ass wasn't worth it since he couldn't get Wilbur to change anyone's grades, so he was alone at his table until Tubbo eventually got there.

The short boy came in completely bundled up in a stupid looking coat and scarf, removing them as he sat down. "Holy shit, it's awful out there."

"It isn't that bad,", Tommy rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his tea.

He let out an offended squawk when Tubbo took it from him, laughing when the short boy immediately spit it back out.

"What the fuck is that?! Did you stick some dirt in hot water?"

"No, it's tea,", he snatched the cup back, "Not my fault you've got weak taste buds."

"I think I preferred it when you were in here with black coffee, at least that just tasted like bean water."

"Coffee is bean water."

"You're supposed to add sugar and shit to it."

"Tubbo, I haven't got enough money for the coffee that comes from shit, and I'm certainly not going to be adding my own."

"You will be boiled."

"No, that's what you do with the water, man."

"I will become the modern day Emperor Nero. Including rising to power at age sixteen."

"Well you're off to a great start, because you might as well be speaking to me in Roman when you say shit like that."

"The Romans used Latin. Or Greek, sometimes."

"Tubbo,", Tommy let out an annoyed whine, "It's too early for you to be teaching me shit. It's bad enough I've got to listen to Wil practicing his lesson plan at home, give my brain a fucking break."

"Saying that implies it ever gets any use."

"I beg your fucking pardon?"

"Then beg."

"Yo, who's begging?", Ranboo asked as they finally got to the table, a muffin that'd been acquired in the breakfast line in their hand.

"Me, for some fucking peace and quiet,", Tommy sighed, putting his head down on the table. Tubbo started poking him repeatedly in the arm, followed by Ranboo who took the other side.

          The day was very thankfully mundane after that, the only thing of note being his math teacher refusing to take his late work despite him having a note from the principal saying he had a pass on it. The asshole told him that 'moving house isn't a real reason, it's an excuse for him to be lazy'.

Tommy made a mental note to figure out which car belonged to that dickhead in the teacher's lot, leaving his, thankfully, last class of the day to check in with Wilbur before he headed off with his friends. "I'm going to Tubbo's for a while."

"Be careful, and don't take the Sixty-Two bus; route's fucked from some of the Ramulus shit."

"Right, we'll be taking the subway."

"Do you need fare?"

"Paying for the fare, that's funny."

"Tommy,", Wilbur sighed, looking up from his desk, "Don't admit to committing crimes like that in school."

"I've seen at least three teachers do the same shit, only tourists and dumbasses pay for the subway; the rest of us hop over it."

"I always pay when I use the subway, that's how the city makes the money to keep up with them."

They made silent eye contact for a long moment before Tommy turned on his heel and started walking away. "... Well, great talk. I should be home by supper, but I'll let you know if we get food anywhere."

"Bye, if you do anything illegal, don't get caught at least,", Wilbur sighed again, raising his hand to wave.  

And the rest of the week after that blended together for the most part; every day basically the same leading up to his fieldtrip on Friday.

His favorite teacher, Sam, had somehow managed to get a fieldtrip set up to go to Ewe Labs, and was bringing thirty students to get a tour of the place. Tommy might not have particularly enjoyed going to school, but his Zoology class was the one he looked forward to the most. He had no idea how Sam had managed to get the tour set up, since Ewe Labs were notoriously hard to get into, but he was excited as all hell for it and had been since it'd been brought up in the first place.

The only way the school was going to let it happen was if the selected students paid for it, but that hadn't been an issue since Tommy was able to 'borrow' some money from various sources in the city.

Which was completely moral in his opinion, since he was stealing from the people running mascot suit scams downtown. They made bank by forcing people to pay them for pictures they didn't even want to take, he got money by stealing their wallets and throwing away their IDs and photos of their children; nature is healing, or something. 

          Wilbur dropped him off earlier than usual so he could get into the group, giving him a pat on the back and a thumbs up before going to his own classroom to get his lesson materials ready for the day. He was getting ready to start his unit on Hamlet, and Tommy was more than alright with missing as much of that as he physically could.

Ignoring how much of it he'd have to hear at home, anyways, that part was inescapable.

Sam took attendance as seven-thirty rolled around, getting everyone onto the bus that'd been rented for the day.

"Ok, so here's what we're doing,", Sam said as he stood at the front, "When we get there, their head of security is going to give you guys all of the rules, and you're gonna listen to him. They're being incredibly generous letting us go in for a tour, so we need to be polite and follow those rules so we can do more stuff like this. Does everyone understand that?"

Almost everyone gave a positive response, and Sam cleared his throat.

"Tommy, do you understand what we're gonna be doing?"

"Why the fuck are you calling me out-", Tommy started complaining, with Tubbo smacking him in the arm, "Ow- Yeah, I've got it; we're going to be told not to touch anything, and then they'll show us the cool shit."

"Right, thank you. And watch the language."

"'Watch the'-"

"We're still at the school."

"Sorry, please allow me to stay on the trip."

"You get three swears while we're there, any more and you get to wait on the bus."

He folded his arms as the rest of the bus laughed at him, sinking in his seat. "Fu- Fine, whatever. I'll just have to make them count, then."

Sam told the driver they were ready to go and sat, with the trip to Ewe being taken up mostly by the teacher and driver telling people to stay in their seats and stop throwing stuff.

They were let out right in front of the main building for Ewe Labs, a tall white monolith of a skyscraper that was a staple of the L'Manberg skyline. The front proudly displayed the name, along with it's tagline; Experiment With Everything.

There were all sorts of people filing in and out of the place, all of them ranging from businessmen to what were clearly interns being sent on coffee runs that probably weren't getting paid.

There was also some short man that was walking directly toward their group with his hands full of visitor passes. "Eyy, if it isn't doctor Dude,", the guy greeted Sam, his eyes just barely running over their whole group before going back to the teacher, "Good to see you. This all the kids you brought with you?"

"Yeah, it is. Everyone, this is Quackity; the head of security I mentioned before." 

          "I'd introduce myself to everyone individually, but I really don't give enough of a shit about a bunch of highschoolers to do that. I'm passing these out to everyone, so make sure you get one if you don't wanna get thrown out and sent to prison for trespassing,", Quackity said as he handed out the passes he was holding.

Tubbo snorted out a quiet laugh. "Trespassing is a misdemeanor at most."

"Oh, we got a junior cop over here,", Quackity mocked as he passed them, sending more badges that direction, "This counts as a government building on the tax forms, so it'd be felony. That leads into the long, boring talk with everyone about what you're not doing in here. Sam, I don't need to pull up some Subway Surfers footage to get them to listen to me, do I?"

"No, they're all pretty good on paying attention. For the most part."

Tommy knew the second part was directed at almost exclusively him, and made sure he was listening the whole time out of spite.

"Fantastic. I'm only here to tell you guys what to do once you're in there, past the door you'll be following around one of our scientists into the places you're allowed to see. You need to stay in your group the whole time, no wandering. No touching anything, don't disturb anyone that isn't specifically interacting with you; people are trying to work. No food or water, if you've got a snack or some shit in your pocket keep it there. Any water bottles are gonna get dumped in the lobby like you're going into the airport. I'll give someone like twenty dollars to drink the Ewe Labs jungle juice-"

"No,", Sam cut in, like a killjoy, "Don't say that, because there's at least five of them that'd do that for free."

"Boo, Sam hates freedom!", Tommy had a hand to the side of his mouth to amplify his voice, Tubbo, Ranboo, and a few other people joining in on the 'boo'ing.

"Those are the people that'd drink it."

"Oh shit, give me a list of names. Could always use some human test subjects,", Quackity chuckled, raising his hands in front of himself as Sam glared at him, "Joking, I'm joking."

"Finish with the rules."

"You aren't any fun, man. Think the last thing to go over is no photos or video. That's a serious one, anyone caught with a phone out is getting it taken and destroyed. That should have been everything. I just want to be perfectly clear that breaking any of these rules invalidates your visitor pass, which means you're tresspassing and are gonna get arrested."

"Did everyone get that?"

The whole group gave some form of confirmation, and Quackity gave them a thumbs up as he turned back toward the direction he'd come from. "Great, I'll leave you to it then! I'll probably check in later to make sure everything's going ok, and remember that there's security everywhere so don't try anything!" 

          The tour really got going after that, with someone in a generic lab coat meeting them at the door to show them around.

Tommy did, in fact, try to partake in the Ewe Labs jungle juice, but Sam asked Tubbo and Ranboo to help drag him away before he was able to have a sip of the forbidden soup. He behaved himself past that point, outside of making jokes about drinking chemicals and eating rats, gradually getting more invested in what he was being shown over trying to be funny.

Ewe focused on animal genetics and testing, which had some aspects that were incredibly unethical, but for the most part just consisted of learning more about the genes and DNA of different species beyond what was already out there.

As they were being shown around the insect segment of the labs, his eye was caught by a dark room with 'Arachnids' on the door as they passed it. It also happened to be ajar, giving a very small peek inside.

Something about it was calling to him, and he really wanted to see what was going on in there. He wasn't exactly the biggest fan of spiders, but he figured there had to be some neat shit if the rest of the tour was anything to go by.

Tommy's chance came when it was time for their tour guide to switch, since they had to wait a little while for the new one to show up.

"Sam,", he grabbed his teacher's sleeve.

"Tommy, teacher mode."

He sighed, rolling his eyes as he addressed the man again. "Mr.Dude."

"What's up?"

"Man needs to piss, is there any chance I can run off to do that while we're just fucking standing here?"

Sam looked incredibly conflicted, eventually sighing and pointing toward a hallway they'd passed earlier. "Bathroom is down there to the left. Try to be quick, ok?"

"Of course, won't even know I'm gone."

He went down that way until he was out of sight, flipping his badge over so it was harder to tell what kind it was as he carefully found his way back to the arachnid room. The hallway was somehow empty, giving him an easy entry into the mysterious and dark lab.

          Tommy felt like turning on the light was a bad idea, opting for is phone's flashlight so he could be more inconspicuous with his snooping. He didn't even really know what he was looking for, just looking around for the sake of it.

From the way it seemed right off the bat, it was a testing lab or something absolutely stacked with empty bug terrariums.

Some of them had been knocked over at some point, and Tommy had to be careful stepping over them so he didn't kick any and make noise. Although that was kinda negated by him setting his hand on a table and very promptly feeling something incredibly sharp on his wrist.

He let out a pained and loud 'Fuck' as he moved back, knocking down the rest of the cages. He caught a glimpse of a spider of some kind on the table before turning off his flashlight and hiding behind it; just barely managing to get out of view before there were people entering the room and switching the lights on.

"Who's in here?"

No way in hell was he going to answer them, that was a very easy way to get arrested for trespassing like Quackity had repeatedly warned.

Tommy zipped his hoodie up, using the hood to hide his face and carefully making his way closer to the door. The security guards that'd come to check the room had moved farther in as they were looking for him, which gave him an opening to leg it out of there.

They were chasing him, and shouting at him to stop, but he somehow managed to lose them through taking random hallways and throwing a few potted plants in the way.

He stood as close to the wall as he could manage in an empty hall, catching his breath as he quickly took the hoodie off and tied it around his waist with the black liner facing out so it'd be harder to identify if the guards saw him again.

He actually went to the bathroom after that, splashing some cold water onto his face and freezing when he saw the dark red, nearly black mark on his wrist where he'd felt the pain in that lab.

"Oh, fuck, that isn't good,", Tommy chuckled nervously, trying to decide if it was worse that he'd been bitten by a mystery bug or that this could lead to him getting caught and, once again, arrested for trespassing. 

          Running cold water over it made if hurt slightly less, but really didn't do much to help with the flush that'd settled over him as he stood there.

Running and getting his blood flowing was probably a terrible thing when there was venom of some kind in his body; horrible, even. He was a big man, though, he could handle it!

Tommy swapped a wristband from his left hand to his right, using it to cover the bite as he very carefully started stumbling his way back out of the bathroom. He thankfully ran into Tubbo, the short boy immediately moving to help him stand.

"Holy shit, are you alright?!"

"Y-Yeah,", that was a lie, "I think I got food poisoning or something from that fucking food truck shit Wil bought me this morning. Spent that whole time fucking puking."

"Yeah, you look like shit. Mr.Dude sent me to get you, we're being made to leave because they've had a security breach or something."

"Oh shit, is Freddy here?"

"Shut the fuck up,", Tubbo sighed, helping him walk.

"You can't- You can't say there's been a 'security breach' and expect me to not make the joke. You're just jealous you didn't do it first."

"No, I'm jealous that Ranboo wasn't the one that had to come get your ass, because he'd be having an easier time with this. Are you sure this is just food poisoning and not the flu or something?"

Tommy immediately jumped on that excuse, acting guilty and looking to the side. "I mean, I did feel like shit this morning-"

"Tommy."

"It isn't my fault that I decided to ignore my stomach being fucked to go on a field trip."

"It absolutely is."

"Fuck you."

"You've used the three swears Mr.Dude allotted to you, now you need to stop talking."

"Fuck you."

"What happened?", Sam asked as they got back to the group.

"So, I may have lied about why I needed the restroom,", Tommy chuckled, avoiding eye contact, "Threw the fuck up."

"That's not good. The security issue doesn't have anything to do with you, does it?"

"Unless my head going in the fucking toilet counts as one, no."

"It's a good thing we have to leave, then. Come on, everyone; same way we came. Tommy, are you good to walk on your own? You really don't look good,", Sam asked as he started herding everyone else away, concerned expression on his face.

"Should be alright, can always drag Tubbo down to the floor with me if I start falling."

Tubbo immediately walked ahead with the rest of the group. "I'm leaving him to get stepped on and die."

"Wait, no-"

          Looking like a light breeze could literally kill him made his 'food poisoning / flu' excuse believable enough that security didn't interrogate him very much as they got back to the bus, and Tommy had Tubbo help him get his phone out to call his brother once the vehicle was moving.

Wilbur answered after it rang a few times with a sigh. "I'm teaching."

"And I feel like I'm about to fucking die. The trip is ending early because someone fucking broke in or something, but I'm sick and I need to go home."

"Are you being serious?"

"I can throw up on your desk when we get back if you don't believe me."

"I'll-", Wilbur interrupted himself with another sigh, "Let me know when you're almost back, alright? Text me when you're nearly here, don't call again. I'll find someone who can cover for me after this period, ok?"

"Right, thank you."

"Of course. If you aren't really sick I'm locking you in a closet."

He could hear whatever class the man was currently teaching laugh at that, scoffing. "Fuck you."

"See you in a little while."

"Bye."

Any annoyance was gone once they were back and Wilbur actually saw him. "Holy shit, what happened?"

Tommy shrugged at him, leaving it to Sam to explain the situation as he understood it. "He said he was throwing up, and he's been sweating bullets the whole way back."

"Right... Suppose we need to stop in at the nurse's office first before I can take him home. Might take him to the hospital, he looks awful."

"Fuck you, you look awful,", Tommy muttered, feeling considerably worse than he did before.

"He told me he felt like shit when he woke up this morning,", Tubbo chimed in, "But he was pretending he was fine so he could go on the trip."

"That tracks, he's an absolute plague rat,", Wilbur sighed, helping Tommy stand so they could go.

Sneeg, the nurse, didn't even take his temperature, writing a leave slip and giving it to him with a very encouraging 'don't die' as Wilbur dragged him to the office and then out to the car.

He managed to convince his brother to just take him home instead of the emergency room, since he really didn't want to have to explain what happened to medical professionals.

It was probably because of the fever, but he would have legitimately preferred dying over admitting that he'd made a mistake wandering unsupervised in an animal testing facility.

It's a shame it didn't happen while he was following the rules; seemed like something they could sue over if the circumstances were different. 

          But no, instead he got to suffer on the sofa like an idiot without any way to get compensated for his misery.

At least he was able to sleep through the worst of it, barely remembering the next couple days outside of waking up to eat or drink something and listen to his brother stress over him.

Wilbur made sure he was able to get up and do basic things on his own again before even considering going back to work, being incredibly clingy when he had to leave on the fifth morning after the incident.

"And you're sure you'll be alright? I've still got some days I can-"

"Holy shit, you always make a big fucking deal out of being late, stop worrying about me and fucking leave."

"I've spent the better part of a week watching you writhe in a pool of sweat and misery, I'm going to be anxious about leaving you alone after that."

"I'm pretty sure the worst of it is over, I'll send you a fucking text or something if I start feeling like shit again,", Tommy made a shooing motion with his hand, "Now get out so I can fuck up your save in Skyrim."

"I might stay home just to make sure you keep your hands off of that."

"Then I'll fuck up your save if you don't get the fuck out. I'll probably be sleeping for the most part anyways."

Wilbur looked like leaving was the absolute last thing he wanted to do, but eventually sighed and gathered up the stuff he was going to need for the day. "Any issue you have, call me immediately. If you start feeling worse, if you even think you might throw up or something, let me know the second the nausea starts up."

"Alright, drama queen."

"I'm being incredibly fucking serious. I don't mind coming back to help, alright? My top priority is you at the moment."

"Work should probably be a close fucking second; we need money to live."

"I've got plenty of money saved up, missing a few days isn't going to do any harm."

"Go, I'll still fucking be here when you're done boring the fuck out of seven periods worth of students."

"You'd better be,", he ruffled Tommy's hair, "There's still some of that soup in the fridge, and if you think you can handle solid food, there's some pizza as well-"

"Go."

Wilbur completely ignored him, continuing like he hadn't been interrupted. "Remember to drink water, I've got some electrolytes in the cupboard; those should help you replenish some of the water you lost through sweat. Try to take a shower if you feel well enough, you stink and I'm sure that would help you fell better." 

          "Fuck you, I smell perfectly fine. If anything, you're the one that stinks. I can fucking smell you from here,", he wrinkled his nose as he said it, only partially joking.

It probably had something to do with him not really being able to smell much while he was practically comatose, but everything seemed to smell far stronger than it had before.

The worst of it was his room, he could see what Wilbur was always complaining about whenever he had to go to the bathroom and walked past it. His door wasn't even open, and it was like he could smell every pair of unwashed underwear he'd left on his floor to handle later.

That was enough to make him start feeling sick again, since on it's own whatever he'd caught had calmed down to him feeling like he'd run the cross-fit version of a marathon or something. His fever had gone down to a manageable level, he was holding down food; really he was just weak from putting up with whatever fucked up version of the flu he caught.

But he'd made it through, proving once again that Tommy Innes Soot was the strongest man alive. Ever.

Wilbur gasped in mock offense at Tommy's insult, sniffing under his arm and scowling when Tommy started laughing at him. "That's enough to quell my concerns. If you're well enough to be insulting me, you're well enough to be left alone."

"I'll insult you further if you don't go."

"Don't taunt me a second time, you aren't the French."

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

"Don't worry about it,", Wilbur grabbed his car keys, "Don't make too much of a mess, but I'm also not expecting you to clean up and messes you do end up making."

"Trash the place, got it."

"If you can muster up enough energy to do so, have fun. Don't overexert yourself, alright?"

"I won't, bye."

"Goodbye, I'll text to check in when I'm on lunch."

And like that, he was alone. The first thing he did was go back to sleep, because six in the morning was way too early to be awake when he wasn't going to school.

He woke up again some time around eleven, needing a second for his eyes to adjust to the light coming in through the window before being able to see his phone well enough to send a thumbs up in response to a text Wilbur had sent asking how he was doing. 

          After that, he got up to make something to eat. The soup his brother had mentioned was just some canned stuff that he'd stuck into a container so it was easier to heat up, and, in Tommy's ever correct opinion, it tasted like it'd been in a tin.

He knew what it should taste like, because it was the one that Wilbur always got for him when he was sick, but this time it had a seriously strong metallic taste along with the normal cheap chicken noodle flavor.

That was also probably because of him being as sick as he was, because even the salt wasn't overpowering it; and that made up, like, ninety-percent of what the soup even was.

He tried adding more after microwaving it for a few minutes, but stopped when he realized it wasn't doing anything except lining him up for sodium poisoning on top of the mystery plague. Adding random stuff from the cupboard didn't really do much to improve it either, and he was just going to settle for sad, metal soup before having another idea.

He remembered seeing something ages ago about sugar cancelling out salt or something, maybe that'd work for the tin aftertaste as well?

Most things on the internet are usually true, and he'd managed to survive fifteen years without problems so far, so he decided to test it.

He didn't want to add too much, since he didn't like sweet things very much, but wasn't really able to stop himself from adding a few tablespoons after tasting how much better it'd been after only one.

That was something he was probably going to have to figure out later, because he didn't have nearly enough energy to try understanding it then. Getting some food in his system made him feel better, and the longer he sat there the more he had to accept that Wilbur had had a point earlier.

He didn't smell the best.

He was, in fact, quite smelly.

To a point that he wasn't going to be able to ignore it, even out of spite. The sofa also stank, probably from him sweating on it for like three days, so he opened the window despite it being the middle of February and went to deal with the stink problem. He also closed the curtains, because holy hell was it bright outside.

          His room was so much worse when the door was opened, and he decided he was just going to steal some clothes from Wilbur after giving up on trying to venture inside without holding his breath.

The shower he took was normal, only real thing of note being how much harder it felt like the water was coming out. It was also louder, maybe the flat building did something to the water pressure while he was sick?

Either way, it was nice after going four days without washing anything beyond his hands. Standing in the shower got rid of what little energy he'd been able to muster in the movement department, so he retreated back to the livingroom to relax again.

It was cold as all hell in there, especially with his hair wet, but having the window open got rid of the horrible smell of must that'd been filling the space before. The sofa was still foul, though, so he ran to steal the blankets off of Wilbur's bed to set up something comfortable on the carpet.

Could he have probably just laid down in his brother's room? Probably.

Did he want to? Not really, that would mean more movement if he decided he wanted a snack or something. Or some water, which was a thought that made him realize that he was pretty thirsty.

He figured that was something he should get before settling on the floor; water is technically important.

Tommy shuffled his way back over to the kitchen, lifting his arm to grab a cup out of the cabinet and almost immediately dropping it.

"Shit-", he reached his hand out toward it as it fell to the floor, feeling something tingle in his wrist as the shatter he was waiting for didn't come. Not even a clatter, the cup didn't hit the floor.

It took him a moment to realize that the cup was currently attached to his arm by something... white.

His immediate first thought was to make a cum joke, before the it really clicked with him that something was incredibly wrong here.

He panicked, trying to detach whatever the string of white shit was from him and breaking the cup anyways from flailing. He managed to get the string off after that, poking at it and finding it to be incredibly sticky.

"Fuck- Damn, this really looks like- Don't say it, this is serious,", he was muttering to himself, mind racing as he tried to piece together exactly what'd happened. 

          He was minding his own business, getting some water, dropped the cup, and reached his hand out to catch it. Tommy slowly moved his hand the same way he had before, trying to think of what exactly he'd done to cause that. He was trying to grab the cup as it fell, but he couldn't quite reach it...

Another string of the white stuff came out of his wrist, this time hitting the ceiling as he fell backwards in surprise.

He thankfully missed landing on the cup he'd broken, catching his breath before immediately hyperventilating because what the fuck.

Surely he'd seen that wrong, surely he'd felt it wrong. Maybe he was having some kind of fucked up fever hallucination; that was something that happened, right?

He scrambled to his feet, going over to the table to grab the thermometer so he could see if he was about to die or something.

His temperature was perfectly normal, lower than it'd been earlier, even. So then maybe his brain had been messed up somehow from the fever he'd had before? But nothing strange had happened before that.

Except for his sense of smell being kind of fucked. Or his taste buds being kind of fucked. Or his eyes being-

Ok, so maybe there'd been some other signs that something was wrong, but those were explainable to some extent. But this? This was some freak of nature type shit that he had no idea where to even begin breaking down.

He nearly called Wilbur to tell him to get home and take him to the emergency room, stopping right before hitting the button as he realized something.

He'd shot some white, sticky stuff out of his wrist. It clung to the cup strong enough to catch it. The second shot was still stuck in the corner of the kitchen ceiling.

Almost like a spider web...

"No fucking shot,", Tommy shakily scrambled to his feet again, going into the kitchen and using the broom to get down the mystery substance so he could have a better look at it.

Now, he wasn't really a spider expert, but it really looked like the webs he used to find in the back garden of the house he'd grown up in. Tommy dropped the broom, taking a step back and looking down at his hands.

He used the other one this time, holding it out toward the wall and trying again. 

          And, again, the web came out in a messy blob that stuck to the edge of the window.

Normally, he'd be very loudly freaking out about something like this, but he was very much in shock about the situation as a whole.

He decided the best course of action was to clean up any sign of the webs, because he didn't want to explain any of this to Wilbur. Not yet, anyways; he needed to figure out a way to make it seem like this wasn't his fault.

Because there was no doubt in his mind that this was because of the spider bite. The bite that'd calmed down to two little black spots on his wrist. If he didn't know any better, he'd assume they were freckles.

Tommy finally got some water after he was done hiding evidence, leaving the remains of the first cup on the floor for Wilbur to deal with as he very skillfully went back to the blanket pile he'd made earlier and promptly passed out. He'd already been tired, and the adrenaline from the web situation running out left him on empty.

He was dragged back into consciousness later when he heard the door open, not moving very much as he hoped he'd be able to go back to sleep.

"Holy shit, it's absolutely frigid in here,", the door closed, and there was a pause, "Tommy?"

"Floor,", Tommy tiredly called back, moving the blanket off of his head.

"And why are you on the floor?"

"'Cause the sofa stinks."

"And you chose the floor over your bed because?"

"'Cause my room stinks."

"I see,", Wilbur came over, squatting down and sticking the back of his hand to Tommy's forehead, "It feels like your fever's gone down more, how are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"Sorry for waking you, then."

"'s ok. I broke a cup earlier."

"You didn't cut yourself on it, did you?"

"No, I left it alone."

Wilbur let out  tired sigh, ruffling Tommy's hair and standing again. "I'll take care of it, go ahead and go back to sleep. I'll see if I can do something about the sofa, as well; so you can get off of the floor."

He gave a tired 'mhm' in response, rolling over and almost immediately passing out again.

The solution to the couch's stench problem was just a few blankets being thrown over it until Wilbur had the time to rent a steam cleaner, but that was better than nothing so Tommy made sure he didn't stick his face too close to it and he was fine for the most part.

          He was able to get away with laying around the house and avoiding school for another couple days before Wilbur deemed him well enough to go again.

And, normally, he would have been dreading it. Going back to school after spending a week doing nothing but watching TV and scrolling through random stuff on his phone sounded like the worst thing imaginable.

But, it also gave him a chance to be alone and figure out what the fuck was going on with the webs he was making.

There was only so much he could do inside of the apartment while he was trying to hide it, and he needed to actually go outside and experiment with it if he wanted to know anything.

The only things he knew for sure is that whatever it was was sticky, it was strong, and it started to decay after a few hours.

That one he learned when he decided to use it to dangle his phone from the ceiling so he didn't have to hold it; leaving him with a very lovely red mark on his face after it fell right on his nose.

Tommy spent his last day off before being made to go back cleaning up the apartment some, since it still fucking reeked, and coming home to see laundry being done was almost enough to convince Wilbur that he was still sick and needed longer. He wasn't that lucky, though, and was being forced to get up at the normal time on an incredibly cold Friday morning.

After that it was same routine, different day. Outside of his brother keeping a closer eye on him than usual, anyways.

Get up, complain, go get breakfast at some random place on the way to the school. Tommy was glad to have a hot drink, taking a sip of the tea Wilbur had bought him-

And immediately spitting it out on the dashboard of the car.

"What the fuck, man?", Wilbur asked, sounding incredibly annoyed.

"This tastes like shit."

"It's exactly the same as it always is."

"They must have fucked it up or something, this is nasty."

"Here, let me see it,", Wilbur grabbed the cup from him, taking a sip, "Plain black tea, tastes as horrible as always. Your tastebuds might be fucked from being sick, still."

Tommy folded his arms with a sigh. "That's fucking stupid."

"Mope about it while you clean the spit off of my fucking car,", Wilbur handed him a napkin, not taking his eyes off of the road.

"That's so rude and inconsiderate, I'm mourning here."

"The fuck are you mourning?"

"A perfectly good drink."

"You can still drink it."

"No, it tastes like dirt."

"Then don't complain. Wipe up the mess you made before it dries, because then I'm going to make you clean the whole thing."

Tommy took the napkin from him, muttering out a mix of swears and complaints as he did the bare minimum of cleaning up the tea he'd spat.

          And things were back on track after that. He dumped the tea in the parking lot, filled the cup with some water from a drinking fountain inside the school, and took his drink and lukewarm bagel to his usual table to wait for his friends.

A few different people asked if he was alright as they came in, and that's how he found out that his brother had been very poorly hiding his concern for him once he'd gone back to work; meaning Tommy now had some very prime bullying material.

He thought up different ways to make fun of his brother for that as he went to take a bite of his food, having to stop himself from spitting it out like he had the tea.

It didn't taste nearly as bad, but it sure as hell didn't taste like it should have. It was overly salty, and there was some chemical taste that he couldn't quite place in the sad puck of egg in the middle of it.

He managed to get down the first bite, needing to drink nearly half of the water he had to get the taste to go away.

Tommy opened the notes app on his phone, finally breaking and admitting to himself that his sense of taste being completely fucked was probably related to whatever was going on with the webs. He'd almost exclusively been eating the rest of the canned soup while he was home, so he'd been figuring it was something wrong with that before. But the fact that it was also an issue with the tea, and now the bagel...

Tommy was startled by someone sitting directly next to him, quickly turning off his phone screen before whoever it was could see.

"So, how was being on death's door for a week?"

He rolled his eyes, playing it off and giving Tubbo a shove out of his personal space. "I was not 'on death's door'; I spent a couple days sleeping, and then I got to play animal crossing."

"Any idea what was wrong with you?"

The temptation to tell the short boy what happened was there, but Tommy decided that it would be a terrible idea to explain it; especially at school. "No clue, just know that it felt fucking awful and I would rather actually die than go through that again."

"I can arrange that."

"Arrange yourself a fucking therapy session."

"You first."

"Excuse you, I am free of sin."

"That's bullshit."

"Now Tubbo, there's no need to lash out at me for being the perfect example of what a man should strive for. Really, you should be thanking me for my input."

"You're incredibly lucky you were sick recently, or I'd be striking you down with the might of god."

"You're built like a toddler, what fucking might are you talking about?" 

          Ranboo broke them up when he eventually got there, and Tommy decided to thank him for this by stealing his muffin.

"Wow, really?"

"You can have my sandwich, if you want."

"You're really gonna take the muffin that I paid for with my money, and offer me a cold bagel you already took a bite out of in exchange?"

"Yes. Do you want it or not?"

"Sure,", they shrugged, taking it without much hesitation.

Tubbo wrinkled his nose as he watched Tommy take a large bite out of the cafeteria muffin. "I thought you didn't like the school's breakfast shit?"

"I don't,", Tommy skillfully ignored how he was legitimately enjoying the usually far too sweet muffin, "Shit's been tasting weird lately, Wil said he thinks it's from me being sick."

"Maybe it fixed you."

"Fuck you, I wasn't broken. And even if I was, the only thing that'd 'fix' me is a two liter of diet coke and the school getting burnt down."

"I won't lie, my first thought when he said 'fixed' was in a dog sense; like, neutered,", Ranboo snickered, cackling when Tommy tried to shove him off the bench onto the floor.

The school day practically flew past after that, with Tommy anxiously waiting for it to be over so he could go experiment with his wrist goop. Wilbur had to stay at the school to catch up on stuff he'd missed while he was taking care of Tommy, meaning that Tommy just had to say he was going home and his brother wouldn't follow up on that.

And, being fair, he was going home first. He had to drop his bag off and change into a hoodie or something so he could hide his face in case someone came across him shooting sus white stuff out of his arms. After that it was a matter of finding somewhere to shoot the sus white stuff, because doing something like that out in the open in the middle of the city seemed like a bad idea.

That led to him Googling abandoned buildings in his area and settling on some factory that hadn't been in use for a good ten to fifteen years; deciding that science was far more important than tetanus. He was probably up to date on his shots.

Probably.

~-~-~

Next Chapter

~-~-~

Spiderinnit time! pog!

[warmaidensrevenge]

Eddie x plus size!reader

Eddie goes to college and since he applied so late he has to be in a co-ed dorm. He thinks it’s going to be hell living with a girl but then he finally meets her.

All he can think about is how good she smells. how her thighs look so soft. how her boobs look so good in tank tops.

You can have this go whatever way you want.

Yes absolutely down for this one. Thank you for the request.

Eddie x Plus size!reader

Warning: 18+ smut, angst, sexual situations and cursing. Not proof read and no word count. On Tumblrs mobile app. Sorry.

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

Prologue: Eddie survived the upsidedown and got cleared. But in order to be free from the scrutiny. He went to another state to attend college.

One-shot

🖤☠️🎸

Jesus H. Christ! I have to share a room with... Eddie scanned his dorm assignment. His eyes turn to slits. Y/n l/n. This has to be the absolute worst. He search for his room. Girls laughter filled the halls of the dorm. What the hell was he gonna do? He couldn't bring any girls back. He hated the idea of sharing a room with a girl. None the less it was college. It was a time to party and hook up. Carrying a large duffle bag and his guitar case he found the room. Eddie looked at the door and saw your name on a flowered piece of paper. He shook his head. He heard music coming from the other side of the door.

You've got to be kidding. She likes Prince. Fuck me. He opens the door seeing you hopping around and singing to I would die for you as you were putting you clothing in the small dresser. He watched as your butt bounce in your denim shorts. He rolled his eyes and went to turn off the small radio. She turned around with a smile. You frowned not happy about the situation. You scanned her big chest that was covered with a white flowered shirt. Down to her thick thighs that were touching and finally down to her black flats.

" Hi I'm y/n" she said while holding her hand.

You didn't acknowledge her. And tossed your bag on the side of the room that wasn't consume with all her girly shit. You place your baby down gently on the bed. You turned back to her and nodded. Your teeth grinded as you saw pink blankets and a few stuffed animals on her bed.

" You must be Eddie."

You gave her a thin lip smile and turned to unpack.

...

Fuck your here too! Man I can't get away from you. Eddie watched as you made your way into the cafeterias kitchen. You and Eddie had to work in the kitchen to help pay for college.

" Hey there" she said with a amile

" Hey" was all you said to her. You were being a dick to her. In which you wouldn't normal do but she was such an inconvenience to you. So that irritated the living shit of him.

Eddie was in the room messing around on his guitar. when you walked in from taking a shower. The scent of your shampoo filled the room. Though it smelled good he just became even more annoyed.

"Hey that's a NJ warlock with B.C. Rich Pickups, and jumbo frets"

Eddie raised an eyebrow at you. You knew his guitar.

" Uh yeah" you responded.

" That's so cool. Can I touch it?"

"No!" You shouted. It came out harder than you meant to.

" Oh that's ok. Umm sorry." She apologized " I was gonna bring my fender stratocaster. But I had too much already."

Eddie eyed at your side of the room. You did have a lot of shit. "Yeah I can see that." You looked back at her and she looked sad. You continued to play your guitar as she turned to put her dirty clothes in the hamper.

" Eddie?"

You sighed out of frustration. " What?"

" Umm Eddie. Did I do something wrong?" She sat on the edge of her bed looking down at her feet. "I don't think I touched any of your stuff. Did I leave any of my things on your side?"

Y/n looked up searching around your side to see if she had left something.

" If I offended you in someway. I'm sorry." Her voice broke a little.

Damn it Eddie why were you being so mean to her. She just trying to be friendly. You were a nice girl he thought

" No no you didn't do anything. It's just I didn't know I was gonna be rooming with... A girl."

"Oh. I'm sorry." She apologized

" It's not your fault." Eddie said

" I guess we both applied late huh?" She half smiled.

"Uh yeah."

"Well if you want me to switch with someone else I can do that." She softly spoke

Damn it why do you have to be so sweet. I came here with the full intention of hating you. But you're making it really hard.

Especially when that one day when she came and said she swiped extra brownies for you. She noticed that you liked them and stole some for you.

Eddie gave you a once over noticing your plump tits being pushed up into the black spaghetti strap and down to your belly hanging over your sweats elastic. You were really hot. He thought of tittie fucking you. He didn't notice it at first but he was glad that he finally did.

" Uhh no that's ok. It's just gonna take a little while to adjust." You shook off all the nasty things you want to do to her.

She smiled at you and put on a pair of headphones laying on the bed. Before Eddie knew it you were asleep. The little moans she made while she slept made your dick jerk.

Uhh what's going on down there bud. You didn't expect or prepare for her. But you wanted to fuck her so bad. You jerked off to her that night. Luckily she's wearing headphones or else the filthy sounds you were making would have definitely make her switch rooms.

"Fuck" you moaned as you blew your load into the a tube sock when she turned and you saw that her tits were almost coming out of her shirt. You laid there quietly for a while. She moaned in her sleep again. Fuck how would she sound when I have my dick down in her throat. Eddie pictured your lips wrapped around him. Tears filling her eyes when you hit the back of her throat. You started getting hard again. But this time you left to the showers to fuck yourself.

...

Things got worst from there. You came back from class one day. And she was laying on her stomach bopping her head to music on her walkman while doing some homework. She had her ankles crossed and you didn't notice it before but she had a small tattoo on her ankle. You imagined her leg on your shoulder while you were fuck the shit out of her. You weren't as sweet as you acted were you?

Late one night when she thought you were asleep, she opened her draw and you heard a buzzing sound. Her heavy sighs rang in your ears. She was getting off. Fuck the sounds her wet pussy made, almost made you cream yourself. She let out a small moan as she came. You wanted to be the one that made her do that.

Damn it. Stop thinking about her.

Every other night she did that. You wanted her to stop. But not really. You rustled around and she would stop. With the sound of frustration on her lips before she put her toy away and fell asleep. From how often she did it she was obviously not hooking up with anyone. No one was satisfying her. You thought about dicking her down so that she could relax for a while.

One afternoon she was laying on her back across her bed with her legs up on the wall. She was reading something but her thick thighs distracted you from the title. She was wearing these short white shorts that exposed most of her thighs. She might as well not be wearing them. She looked so soft and warm.

She moved her hand to scratch a small piece of skin on her knee. Her nails dug in. You pictured her leaving scratches on your back. Shit you wanted her. You wanted to see her ass jiggle as you fucked her from behind.

God damnit if she would give you anything. Something that made you think she wanted it as bad as you did. He would make you scream his name.

...

Cleaning up after dinner you were washing dishes when you heard the music blasting in from her headphones. She was listening to Def Leppard. You thought she only listens to that sappy shit. This only made her more attractive.

She walked in on you once jerking off. She didn't see the picture of her and her friend you had in your hands. She apologized and left so fast before you could explain. She didn't come back that night. But in the morning she came. She peaked in to see if you were still asleep. But you weren't. She looked like she didn't sleep all night.

" Umm I'm uh sorry. I don't mean to interrupt."

" No my bad. I shouldn't have been doing that in here." You said

" No don't be sorry." She said. " I uhh I do that in here too sometimes."

You raised an eyebrow surprised that she admitted that to you.

" Umm maybe we can have a signal or something to warn one another when we umm are busy?" She asked cautiously.

You agreed even though you always wanted to be in the room when she did that. Hell you wanted to be the reason she made all those pretty sounds.

You guys agreed to hang a bandana around the door knob as the signal.

You had finally had enough when you saw a pair of black lace underwear on her bed after she did laundry. You took it and stuffed it in your pocket before she came back in with her detergent. It was honestly beneath you. But you decided that you were gonna make a move. Sure you could have hooked up with a handful of college co'eds with daddy issues or some random babe at the bar. But you didn't want anyone but her. You liked her. You liked when she laughed. You liked when she would tap her pencil on one of her text books. Liked how even though most of her music was shit. She would let you listen to whatever you wanted when you two were studying. Every now and then you caught her tapping her foot to the beat. She was cute and nice and so fucking smart. She would tutor you in business ethics. You didn't understand why you took that stupid course when you were majoring in mechanical engineering. Yes it was hard for you but you weren't dumb or anything. You just had trouble focusing. But y/n helped with that too. She bought you a timer so that you could give yourself breaks when things became overwhelming. She would bring you eggs and blueberry muffins because she read somewhere it would help with concentration. You guys played trivia games and put together starwars puzzles to help too.

You didn't think you guys could have possibly spent more time with each other but somehow all your free time was spent with her. Your sinful thoughts on what you wanted to do to her changed to admiration. You wanted to take her out to dates and be respectful to her kind nature. She was beautiful. Everything about her was perfect. Her thighs that rubbed together when she walked. Her love handles that just hung slight past the hem of her jeans. Her hands that were the softest you've ever felt. The warmth radiating off of her when she was close to you. Her face with beautiful soft features. You could stare at her all day of she let you. Kiss her silly.

...

You came back to the room one Saturday night noticing a bandana on the door knob. She was getting her rocks off. You could hear her soft moans just barely behind the door. That's it. That when you decided you were gonna try. You slowly unlocked the door. The room was dark except the small light coming from the alarm clock. You peaked in to see the red light across her body. Her knees were bent and her head was pressed against the pillow with her eyes shut. She held on to the edge of the bed with one hand and held her little blue vibrator on her clothed clit. She was just in panties and a tank top. Her hips grinding into the vibrator while she pushed it down harder against her clit.

"oh fuck... Right there" she whispered. " Fuck Eddie right there."

Your eyes widened and your mouth fell open when you heard your name. She was fucking herself at the thought of you. Oh shit this couldn't have been more perfect. Some shit out of a porno. She was almost there by the sound of her sighs picking up. But you weren't gonna let her. Not with out you.

You walked in and turned the light on. She jumped and hid her vibrator. Her eyes were huge as she covered herself from the shame that she had just be caught masturbating.

You closed the door locking it.

"You don't have to stop." You said softly " if you want maybe I can help."

She looked shocked and she bit her lip contemplating your offer. She wanted it. You could tell. She was quiet while she watched you take off your leather jacket and shoes. Leaving on only your red and black plaid boxers. You turned out the light and made your way to her bed. Surprised that she already uncovered herself and got in position for you.

"Is this ok?" You asked

She pulled you down between her legs lifting her hips to meet yours. Her soaked panties grinded against your fully hard dick.

" god yes" she moaned " I've been wanting this for so long"

" yeah?"

"uh-huh," she sighed picking up her grinding pace and she grabbed your ass pulling you harder into her.

You held yourself up with one hand and massaged her tits with the other. Her breast spilled out of your hand as you kissed her neck.

" Me too" you said nipping at her neck.

She gasped at the pain. But held on to your head to keep you there. Her body trembled under you giving you the signal that she loved it.

"Do you have condoms?" Her voice was the softest you ever heard.

"Shit no. I didn't think we would be doing this."

"Mmmm that's okay. I do. I was hoping one day we might." She reached in her dresser and pulled out a 3 pack. She separate them with her teeth. Pulling off one and setting the rest down. She looked up at you and lifted to finally kiss you. You were nervous when she did. You couldn't believe after all you were doing you hadn't bothered to kiss her. Her lips were so soft. You could have kissed them forever. Her fingers found your hair. As yours moved to the hem of her shirt talking it off. Her breast bounced as she settles back down on the bed. You took in the sight of her. Drinking in her luscious body all soft and warm. You want to feel her pussy clench around you dick.

"Please Eddie...fuck me."

She was begging for your cock. And you planned to give it to her. You pulled off her soaked panties and tossed them to the side. While she pulled off your boxers.

"Eddie please" her patience was wearing thin.

"mmm I like when you beg."

You hurried to put the condom on because you wanted her just as bad. Her pussy was just a hot wet mess. You couldn't recall making anyone as wet as she was for you. You wanted to lick her clean but the anticipation was too much right now And your dick started to hurt.

"You sure?" You started to ask when she grabbed your cock and guiding you to her hole. Pulling you into her hard. Fucks left your mouths after you gave her a hard kiss. Lips swollen, tongues and teeth clashing and your thrust went deeper and deeper into her velvety tight wet walls. If you didn't know any better you would have thought this was her first time. Loads of moans escaped from your mouths from the absolute pleasure you were giving to each other. You groaned as you felt her nails digging into your back. She lifted one of her legs into her hand so you could go in deeper. And with a deafening gasp you hit the end of her. With every hit she let out a very vocal gasp. Your were hitting that sweet spot. And from the sounds of no one has ever hit it. Fuck you were close. And you could feel her starting to clench down on you. She was just about there too. And with a few more thrust she went silent holding her breath and arching her back and tightened her grip around your cock. That's when you came too. The feeling of her pussy contracting did it for you. Your balls clenched and released a few times until you completely filled the prophylactic. Only wishing you could fill her up instead. As you both came down from your high. She gave you a small peck on your cheek.

" Thank you Eddie."

" Uh no thank you." You chuckled. No one has ever thanked you for sex before.

You pulled out tying up the condom and packing it back into the wrapper. Y/n got up and put her clothes back on. She leaned and gave you a kiss.

" I'm gonna shower. Uhh can we do this again tomorrow?"

" Oh sweety we can do this for the rest of our lives." You grinned at her.

She smile and grabbed her stuff. " Well maybe tomorrow you'll let me suck you off?"

You beamed a smile at her. Yup she's the one you thought.

[nerdycolorcupcake]

So, to start the post abt the episode "clouds on the horizon spoiler warning for safety bc i have a lot of my own personal highlights (and a bit of a rant too) to unpack here

-For the Collector and Belos near the portal scene;

I'm neutral over either the collector as a character but i kinda have a feeling that they have no idea of the kind of deal they agreed to

-Odalia being a bitch to her entire family for the sake of envy hits too close to home

i´m most certain he ain´t gonna have a good time when the spell happen, and even then he believes so much in Belos promise it´s almost so sad, they feel like just a kid that wants to play but doesn´t know the full extent of their actions, nor the person they made a deal with, even though they´ve been around each other for quite a while, he still have doubts over their "friendship", as is shown once again with King making a connection with the Collector

Tbh, i do not enjoy the 'luz being possessed by the collector' theory but then again it does seem to be the route they're taking by Luz deciding to confront Belos herself to avoid having her friends hurt

at least it's better than having the main protagonist straight up die-

Honestly i was surprised that she wasn´t homophobic, but god did i wanted to burn her to the pyre after all the stunt she pulled and saying Luz wasn´t a suitable partner to Amity BITCH PLEASE

AND THE FACT THAT SHE KNEW BELOS PLAN ALL ALONG AND STILL WERE HELPING HIM GENOCIDE HER KIND OMG SHE IS JUST AS SELFISH AS HIM GO MARRY HIS UGLY ASS INSTEAD YOU BITCH

DIVORCE ARC IS A REALITY!

-Kikimora obsessed with Hunter;

Yeah... that happened, also really funny how she got miserable after the last time she appeared, and desperate too jesus, she is so annoying, but my hate goes more to Odalia and Belos, i despise them more (especially odalia bc she hits waaay too close to home as a toxic mother)

And yeah she end up taking Luz instead of Hunter bc of the illusion trick WELL SHIT-

-Luz´s egg palisman;

Welp, looks like it wil remain a mystery what she got, but honestly it makes sense, it´s so many good options and whatever that will be her choice will only happen after everything is over, she grew so much in the show and i´m honestly proud of her for maturing and growing and being more in touch with herself, but she indeed needs time to reafirm who she really wants to be

-Alador being a dad for once;

Always had a good feeling abt him ever since his introduction, so glad i was right, he finally taking a stance against Odalia and supporting his daughter endeavors and apologizing to luz AAAAAAAAAAAAH OMG HE WAS DOING SO GOOD IN THE FIGHT SCENES TOO! DUDE'S FUCKING DESTROYED THE FABRIC JUST TO SHOW HE IS DONE WITH ODALIA SHIT AAAAAAAAAH

So nice to see that the tomato face runs in the father part of the family (probably bc i enjoy deadbeat dads trying to redeem themselves after being unintentionally neglectful idk it's just such a good trope when done right)

-For LUMITY KISS;

Yes they FUCKING kissed and the animation went all smooth there and *chef kiss* delightful!

I just screamed and cried of happiness! FINALLY!! The girls deserve to show some love to one another one last time before the shit would blow

-More Huntlow crumbs :3

Hunter disguised as Luz going full protective mode on Willow + Willow going feral at Kiki and stopping her attack when Hunter was threatened + Willow desperate to go after them not knowing abt the switcheroo-

Huntlow shippers *nod nod* i see y'all going bananas too :3

-Hunter and Luz keeping secrets together

Me and my brother are in this scene and we didn't liked it WHERE ARE THE CAMERAS DANA?!

In all seriousness this is the first time both Hunter and Luz had a heart to heart to talk abt the events of hollow mind and both agreeing to keep each other secrets

(This is totally not gonna bite them in he back later yep mhm)

Plus Luz being protective of Hunter when Kiki threatened him ✨

Anyways that's it for now

[gayspock]

okay last tng thoughts before the final ep

- last time i did a proper dump i was abt to watch the pegasus and i literally dont remember wtf my thoughts on that were its just a big gaping hole help. all i remember was omg locke's actor locke from lost 😁hiya baldie. nowt else on the brain. i feel like i liked it though?? ehrm

-theres a few eps i jsut plain dont remember actually jesus christ. which is silly bc it was obly a few weeks ago like ew get it together bestie. i was actually shocked to realise tht ep was even in s7.... huh.

- i think ijust burnt out so badly in this season and the hit and miss episodes didnt help with the problem i already had with bingeing tng. its like- again, i can tell the show is at the end of its rope and i dont even mean tht in a bad way... i think it worked in its favour with some of the things it started trying to do in some eps (like Lower Decks, finally giving Crusher&Picard closure in Attached). but in a lot its like... kinda jsut stupid ideas (Genesis) or stuff that kinda could work out but they really fucked it (Eye of the Beholder - like that execution was sloppy babe).

- sub rosa is so much though i dont think i can elt it go i think helop im sSFV-F help tihelp jEUSS

- however Journey's End is the episode i have the most grief with for sure. now- i cant... rlly speak too much on the depictions here bc im very uninformed. what i will say is: it certainly felt hokey as hell with some of the portrayals and the resolution to the conflict was jsut... like sorry but what did picard do, exactly? and now that... absolves- okay uh... its literally- its literally just such a weird fucking set up with that whole thing.

- but also wesley. ggggfuckg. FUCKS sake. okay heres my thing! i have complex feelings with wes<3 i think ppl who loathe him are fucking weirdos with it like MOST of the time but i dont rlly like a lot of his earlier depictions, but that was in part due to the shoddy writing of s1&s2 of tng so i'm LENIENT and i actually really liked wes in his later reappearances as his character became more grounded. when he was actually facing consequences for sth at the academy? YEAH, i dug that! and i sjtu

- they were heading in a better direction. or at least one i wanted and preferred and i just hated the way they ended it with him insisting he was special and fated. it didnt help that the episode kinda elluded to his place on that planet being his destiny- i got very scared we were about to get into some messy white savior mess which woulsd make me throwup and gag so bad. lllike pwease dont pwease donnnttt. in the end thwey just let it be i guess but still like.

- the thing is i dont hate him going with the traveller and i really like the idea of him leaving starfleet and deciding to do that. thats honestly what i want! but i just- again this weird insistence that hes special and different form everyone else- it jsut... it doesnt fit right with me at all and its exacerbated by all the problems with his earlier characterisation and im like :( bc AGAIN i like wes after the rough start so its just kinda sad for this to be his send off . feels like it unravels a lot of nuance and just makes it. irritating again but im not going to unpack . all my wesley feelings bc i think it would be #controversial and i dont have the energy to deal with it im just gonna live in a world where the little guy got sth i wanted for him

- OH. and i was so so so happy to see ro lahren back and im happy she fucking went off at the end. literally so so so fucking good for her. fuck starfleet.

- im glad they are actually are easing us more into the problems with starfleet even if tng isnt strictly about that. again more of wht i like with how theyre being pulled in different directions more in s7.

- i dontthink i have much else to say rn before the finally. i did watch the cold open though and i must say. worf and deanna still fucking baffle me to no end. every time they did anything together i jsut thought i was in a fever dream bc it made no god damn sense. im sssorry. but they dont rlly have chemistry whatsoever and im not trying to be mean but its just the case. love and kisses.

- oh and im gonna miss tng all said and done. idk how soon i'll be rewatching it since i am going to go onto ds9 p quickly but yeah. i still deffo prefer tos- sorry. its just more to my tastes.

[solesurvivorpaigeargot]

I absolutely LOVE Sketchy Saturdays and I always look forward to them!! As for my question(s)? What made you decide to start doing it(I'm glad you do but I was just curious!)?

Hoooo boi the Sketchy Saturday Origin Story: I suppose there's two versions.

The short version reads " Moving stress, deployment depression, and isolation VS. my utter determination to DO SOMETHING whilst trapped in my home " -- Sketchy Saturday was the result of that title fight, so I guess the fandom won in the end? XD

The long version, however... Well, buckle up, cause this is gonna be a ride.

It may surprise y'all to know that two years I was eyeballs-deep in the South Park fandom. The blog still exists; my mainblog, JustCallMeButtlord, built to interact with the audience of my fanfictions-- the New Kid Stories, called NKS for short [gonna be porting those to Ao3 soon, just gotta figure out what robo-reader I'm gonna use to make a quick n dirty podfic out of the series as well as help me hunt down typos my eyes galze over]. The first 'season' of stories had ended, 8 completed fics, and I was puttering about with a bonus holiday story that was several months out of season. Not that I CARED because I was on GUAM where seasons don't exist and my time blindness gets even worse becasue without seasons changing it feels like time never progrsses even after being on the island for three cocksucking years.

I don't hate Guam, I am just not built for constant heat. I am a snow creature; I like below-freezing temperatures so I can layer up in fuzzy, fluffy things and drink hot drinks and cuddle loved ones and/or furry animals. It's a lovely island, I adored my first week there... I just wasn't made to live there.

HIlariously, NKS started out of the stress of moving to Guam. Two years and 8 fics later, the place we were renting was no longer within our price range and my hubby and I were forced to move onto base. Under the leader whom I refuse to name, military pay was given a precentage raise... but it was ripped out of bonuses and OCONUS pay. OCONUS is what a military member is paid when they're stationed Outisde the CONtinental United States. This usually means overseas bases like Japan, but it also means Hawaii, aaaaaand... GUAM. So that percentage pay increase for the military at large meant belt-tightening for every service member abroad, and we were forced to move onto base.

In case y'all haven't noticed by now, I'm a raging socialist with some issued with authority. I DO NOT LIKE EXISTING ON BASE. I do not like existing in a place where the national anthem plays twice a day, every day, at 6 AM and then again whenever the hell sundown is that day. And there's an unspoken rule no one tells you that when it plays you're supposed to stop what you're doing, face the nearest set of speakers playing the song, and stare in that direction with your hand over your heart until its over. That, if you're driving, you have to put on your emergency flashers and pull over. No one tells you this. NO ONE TELLS YOU THIS.

And then, before we had secured a place on base but we had set a move out date for the rental house, the Pandemic happened. While we were between homes. The base is talking full lockdown, Guam authorities want to shut down the island but businesses are terrified of not getting the tourist season business, we don't even know if we'll be allowed to move on to base.

Surprise, I stopped writing for a while... but I picked Fallout 4 back up again. I had been forced into the series years earlier by a toxic relationship, but the game itself hadn't been bad-- just the way I'd been forced to play it by someone who was firmly not in my life anymore. When confronted with character creation, I wasn't sure whom I wanted to make... but decided to go back to an old character. A VERY old character, whom I hadn't thought of since I'd finished ME3 at least 4 years prior, and a character I first conceived of when I was 14-ish... which is now about 15 years ago.

Paige.

I've talked before about how well Paige's story maps onto Fo4, but this was before I knew that. I knew the opening, her losing her kid, and that fit with her-- but something clicked while I was playing and the part of my brain that likes to create started wandering off. Soon enough I've got a couple chapters of a ficlet that I'm TOTALLY just writing as a personal one-shot to de-stress, no way I'm publishing this, I don't wanna get distracted from NKS, I got a whole 'nother season to write! Who cares if no one is reading it anymore because South Park Fandom doesn't like continuous plots.... right?

I was burnt out as hell, the move was looming, the Pandemic was getting worse and everything was getting scarier.

Then the news came through that hubby would be deploying again.

He wasn't supposed to, but the Navy decided the safest place for their sailors was the middle of the ocean, so if you WERENT in quarantine you were going on the boat and you were living there. Didn't matter if your spouse would be alone, unpacking a whole home by themselves.

I had a friend on base. We hung out. I met with my DND group on weekends; we all lived on base now, so we could meet up in like five minutes... and then restrictions tightened. You could be fined up to 5 grand for gathering in groups greater than 5, even outdoors, and detained if suspected of going to a home that wasn't yours. I still met 2 of my friends once a week for walks; get outside, be active, talk to other humans, but besides that? I was locked up alone in a new house in a place that I did NOT like existing in.... with a fresh new hyperfixation developing.

I think it was about a week into the new house that I made the new blog. At first I tried to run it side by side with the South Park stuff, but it wasn't long before all my attention was here... aaaand it also wasn't long before I was confronted with a lot of my own despair; of lockdown, of isolation, of watching a broken system crumble and not being able to DO anything about it, and I started to kinda lose my shit. I fuss-- I can't leave things alone, and I couldn't leave this feeling alone; of being fully and entirely helpless and hopeless.

And then I sketched a thing for a friend, and it made them happy. They were having a rough time, too, and I put something together because I couldn't think of anything else. And it helped. It lifted them up, and it lifted me up, too. Someone else had recently reblogged one of those pallet challenges that floats around Tumblr, and I decided FUCK IT LET'S DO THIS THING AND CALL IT SKETCHY SATURDAY!

Little secret, the very first Sketchy Saturday request? Was me. I was so scared no one would noticed the event, I sent myself the very first request, back when the event still took anons. Soon as that first picture was up:

BANG, suddenly four more; some people off anon. I met people that day, talked to them after the very first Sketchy weekend was over, chatted about the games and characters and art and writing and just... felt human for the first time in a really long while.

I figured I'd hold on to Sketchy Saturday until the deployment was over-- once hubby was back, I'd decide whether I was keeping it or not... but he came back, and I was still super into it, and he was supportive, sooooo I kept going! And then we did Sketchy Secret Santa, and people loved it, and my volunteers are excited about being Sketchy Elves and Secret Helpers and just OH MY GOD I DID A THING GUYS. I DID A THING-- that was just me all December and January long lmafo.

AND JANUARY! Because AH HECK, WE MOVING AGAIN! Because hubby finally got orders, and OH MY GOD we're going back to WA... but it's still a move half-way around the globe, and I was SURE I'd have to shut down the event for a month while we got our shit in order and NOPE, because here come the volunteers from Sketchy Secret Santa, and they wanna fill in all month long! Like... I didn't even ask for that shit, guys. They offered it so the event wouldn't have to take a gap.

Jesus I'm getting teary just remembering it.

So yeah. Sketchy Saturday is here because I got really lonely and stressed out while Fallout 4 provided me with some... catharsis for my situation, and then a pandemic happened.

And then y'all happened, and I'm still here. :D

[lailarain]

Spoilers for TBHK

TW: Mentions of s3xu@l åss@ult/@buse, $uicidə and bl00d

Episode 1:

I just finished episode 1 of Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun(Weird title, I know), and I just have to say...

I love Hanako and Nene and I will protect them both with my life🥰

Episode 2:

WOAH Hanako wyd😳

I kinda ship Hanako and Nene tho lol don't attack me

AYO THERE'S AN EYE UNDER YOUR DESK

Wait did Hanako steal her books or was it that eye thingy🤨

The title spelt faires wrong

OH SHOOT THE SCALES

Wait NO DON'T FALL FOR IT NENE IT'S BAIT

YES MA BOI HANAKO TO THE RESCUE

Wait are Yousei from japanese legend, like yokai or oni?

Okay I DEFINITELY SHIP THESE TWO

Wait why does Hanako look kinda said when she says that

awwww Hanako🥺

Wait what is he talking about who was his friend before

Nene is awesome istg🥺

WAIT WHO IS THE BLONDE DUDE WHY IS HE LOOKING FOR HANAKO NO

"I wish a hot guy who fall out the sky for me that way" girl Hanako is literally RIGHT there

Omfg this orange hair f-boy🤨

Wait WASN'T THAT THE NAME OF HER CRUSH

Hanako just standing there like 😐

WAIT NO LEAVE HANAKO ALONE

He tried to not swear in front of her lol

HOLDUP MA PRECIOUS BABY BOI DID NOT MURDER SOMEONE WTF

HOW DARE HE SAY THAT NO ONE WANTS HANAKO AROUND

Jesus Hanako is so cute lol

I honestly can't tell if hanako is an owo boy or a bruh boy istg

OKAY CAN SOMEONE TELL WHO THIS WEIRD RADOI LADY IS AND WHY SHE KEEPS SHOWING UP AT THE END OF THE EPISODE

Episode 3:

(That one part in the intro) Step-yellow sillouette, what you doing😳

For real tho Hanako looks pretty scared during that part of the intro why are they biting his ear(maybe Hanako was a victim of s3xu@l assault?)

Wait isn't Hanako the 7th of the 7 Wonders

Okay that's kinda gross😟

Okay Aoi is pretty sweet😌

WAIT NO AOI SHE WAS TOO PRECIOUS

NO AOI BETTER NOT BE GONE

NO NOT THE BLOOD

What is she talking about he's not hot at all🤨

OH SHOOT IS HE A GHOST

Okay can minamoto leave Hanako alone🙄

Awww Hanako is half hto and half cute I might be a simp

OKAY WOAH THIS PLACE IS COOL

I mean Hanako has a good point😳

NO DON'T ANSWER IT

OKAY WOAH DON'T ASK SOME HIGH SCHOOLER TO GO COLLECT YOUR BODY PARTS NOPE

Okay WOAH how old are you exactly, Hanako?

Okay this fantasy is making me uncomfortable😀

Girl, you're already cute. You don't need to be a Miu Iruma lookalike to find love

THE BOOBS LMAOO😭😭😭😭😭

Awwww Hanako being sweet to Nene🥺

YES HANAKO SAVING THE DAY

Wait why didn't she answer his question🤨

Wait who WAS making those phone calls?

WAIT THE EPISODE IS ALREADY OVER?!?!?!?

Episode 4:

Okay but for real WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE YELLOW SILHOUETTE AND HANAKO IN THE INTRO?!?!?!

Wait I just noticed that in the part with the yellow silhouette, Hanako is tied up with rope😳

Okay here's my theory:

When Hanako was alive, he was a student at the school. He was s3xu@lly a$$aulted in the bathroom, and muđəred his attacker out of anger/mental instability, therefore cursing him to the bathroom he was assaulted in. He became a ghost to make up for his sins.

Idk I could be totally off-base

HOLY FUCK IT'S A HEAD

IT'S THE BODY LMAOOO

Wait she actually likes it🤨

HOLY SHIT EWWWWWW

WAIT WHAT NO NOT AOI

WHAT THE FUCK NOOOOOO NOT AOI

WAIT YES AOI ISN'T DEAD

Hanako is so sweet istg.

HANAKO REALLY JUST PUSHED HER OFF THE EDGE LIKE A PSYCHOPATH AJAGRKEBDUDBD

Can she not spell or something🤨

WAIT WAS THE GHOST A STUDENT OF MISAKI

Wait she had a crush on her teacher that's so gross

Oh no. The student didn't know Misaki was murdered🥺

WAIT NO THIS IS SAD

OH SHOOT THAT IS DARK

aww she misses the teacher🥺

YES HANAKO MY BOY

WAIT HANAKO NO HE'S HURT

Nene is really fed up😳

WAIT WHAT NO SHE'S GONNA DIE?!?!?!?!

Awwww poor girl🥺

Why'd she have to die😭

Little Fox is mean😑

WAIT DID HE JUST KISS HER YES BABY

WAIT WHO'S THAT GREEN-HAIR GIRL

HE FORGOT ABOUT MINAMOTO LMAOOO😭

Episode 5:

Okay BUT WHO IS GRABBING HANAKO IN THE INTRO ISTG

LMAO SHE WAS FANTASIZING😭😭😭

Okay but she's SO pretty with her in a braid

Are you sure there was NOTHING good about that😏

YES AOI MY GIRL GIVING HER GOOD ADVICE

But I doubt Hanako would admit it

WAIT DID HANAKO PLANT THAT TREE OR AM I PARANOID

I'm excited to see how THIS plays out😁

HANAKO WHAT DID YOU SAYYYYY

WAIT IS HE REALLY GONNA DO IT

WAIT ARE THESE BITCHES GAYYYYYY

Wait what if the tree curses people

GIRL ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT HANAKO ISN'T HOT AS IS!?!?!?

WAIT YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS THIS IS SO COOL

WAIT WHAT'S THE CATCH

Of course he didn't actaully mean it THIS SUCKS😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE'S HOLDING HER I REPEAT HE'S HOLDING HER

poor Nene

WAIT OH NO SHE'S CRYING

WAIT DOES HE ACTUALLY LIKE HER

HE'S BLUSHING WHAT

YES YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSS

WAIT HE'S RIGHT THERE

I was right they have the same last name!

WAIT THIS BITCH BETTER NOT COME BETWEEN HANAKO AND NENE

CAN THIS BITCH SHUT UP

TERU STOP IT RN

Okay I kinda feel bad for Kou rn🥺

HOW IS HE ANY OF THOSE THINGS

Wait who is that girl🤨

YES I WANNA FIND OUT MORE ABOUT HANAKO

THE GREEN HAIR GIRL AND NATSU-SOMETHING ARE UP TO NO GOOD I CAN FEEL IT

Wait WHY WAS HANAKO SMILING

I have a bad feeling about this.

Episode 6:

Yeah Hanako really seems like the good guy🤨

WOAH what's up with the door?

I love the Mokkes🥺

It's her book😶

WOAH OKAY THEN SHE REALLY IS IN LOVE

WAIT WHY IS THERE BLOOD

HOLDUP HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT

HANAKO MA BOI

WOAH OKAY YES HE'S HOLDING HER

DID HE JUST EAT THE BUTTERFLY

God I love Hanako

WAIT YOU'RE GONNA CANCEL THE WHAT NOW

Ooooooo I wanna heae some juicy secrets😏

Girl, that secret wasn't juicy at all🙄

Wait what does the library ghost know🤨

SAY SOMETHING HANAKO YES

He's so cute tho

BUT I LOVE DONUTS TOO HOW IS THAT JUICY

HANAKO YOU WERE LOOKING REAL PROTECTIVE OF HER THEN😏😏😏

I feel bad for Nene because they keep saying her legs are fat, as if the boys that say that are gonna get any better. NENE IS A FREAKIN CATCH😤😤😤

Wait what is he talking about Hanako😶

WAIT HE IS TALKING ABOUT HANAKO, ISN'T HE

WAIT HANAKO WAS HIS STUDENT HE'S SO CUTE

Awwwww Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺

WAIT HANAKO ISN'T EVEN HIS NAME!??!?!? IT'S YUGI?!?!?!?

Awwwww Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Wait, so did Hanako commit $uicidə, or am I just paranoid?

Wait so that means that happened on the day of July 15, 1969.......SO HOW OLD IS HANAKO AGAIN?!?!?!?!?

WAIT SO HE NEVER GOT HIS DREAM TO COME TRUE BECAUSE HE DIED THAT'S SO SAD

Wait so am I right DID HE REALLY COMMIT $UICIDƏ ?!?!?!?

I THINK HANAKO SMELLS A SNITCH

Man this is a lot to unpack for just one episode

Episode 7:

I love how childish Hanako is

WAIT I SAW THE YELLOW SILOUETTE THING AGAIN AND I HAVE A THOUGHT:

What if Hanako got those bruises because of the səxua| ass@ult thing I said before? That would make sense.

Idk maybe I'm just too obsessed with that theory

I see Hanako differently after the Library too, but in a different way.

What why the donuts?

He's totally lying. I bet he's gonna make some for Hanako🥺

Okay but Kou is actually pretty sweet

I mean, if he DID murder someone who bullied him, they had it coming for touching my precious Hanako😤

Yous shouldn't stop being friends with someone just because it's complicated. ALL friendships are complicated. It isn't supposed to be easy.

Awwww Nene🥺🥺🥺

Okay I'm kinda hungry for donuts now

Ugh it's Teru🙄

Okay KOU YOU'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL

Okay Teru YOU SUCK SO MUCH

SO ARE THE GREEN HAIR AND NASTU-SOMETHING BIY EVIL OR NOT I'M SO CONFUSED

Hanako is so cute sometimes istg

POOR HANAKO OOF

YES NENE😤😤

THEY ARE BLUSHING I REPEAT THEY ARE BLUSHING

"You're totally not my type" okay first of all that is bullshit and second of all get yourself a boy who's chill when you say you don't like them

OKAY WHAT'S GOING ON

HE'S GOLDING HER

Wait why does Hanako look terrified that's not good

HOLDUP WHO DID HE KILL WHY IS THERE AN AD RIGHT WHEN IT'S ABOUT TO SAY WHO HE KILLED

WOAH WHO THE FUCK IS THAT WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE HANAKO WHAT IS GOING ON AHDVEKDVEIDVDJ

GET YOUR HAND OFF OF HIS FACE THIS GUY TOTALLY $EXU@LLY @SSAULTED HIM

YES NENE PROTECT YOUR MAN

HOLY SHIT HE'S BURNING

DID HE REALLY JUST RE-TRAUMATIZE HANAKO AND THEN LEAVE?!?!?!?

WAIT WHAT IS HANAKO DOING

WAIT HE'S CRYING

HANAKO WHAT'S WRONG

I WANNA GIVE HANAKO A HUG SO BADLY ISTG

WAIT SO THERE'S THE ONES CHANGING THE RUMORS?

OKAY WHO IS THIS BITCH

Wait THAT'S HIS BROTHER WHY DID HE KILL HIS BROTHER

This partially denies the possiblity of my theory(MOSTLY denies it), but not entirely. There's a big chance I'm wrong.

WAIT SO SAKURA IS THE ONE DOING THE RADIO THING?!?!?!

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺

I have a feeling that that is probably jsut a random student😅

Hanako, I hate it when you're sad😭😭😭

WAIT SO HIS EARRING WAS FOR TRAFFIC SAFETY THE WHOLE TIME LMAOOOOO

OKAY WOAH BACK UP GHOST-PERSON

KOU IS NOT A M0ŁƏ$TER

Wait that was the whole episode?

Episode 8:

Okay the person @ssaulting(maybe even $exua||y @$$aulting idk I think I'm just obsessed with that theory) in the intro is definitely his brother

Mitsuba is kinda weird and annoying, but also funny at the same time

Excuse me Traffic safety is no joke😐

WAIT SO HE KNEW MITSUBA AND JUST FORGOT?!?!?!?

Awwww Mitsuba🥺🥺🥺🥺

No Mitsuba you're cool

KOU WHAT THE F ARE YOU SAYING

AWWWWW THIS IS SO SWEET

MITSUBA I SEE YOU BLUSHING😏😏😏😏

MITSUBA NOOOOOOOOOO

TSUKASA STOP IT

NO POOR MITSUBA STOP IT

HOW DARE THEY

NOOOOOO MITSUBA AAAAAAAA

OKAY IMA BOUT TO THROW HANDS WITH TSUKASA, WHO'S WITH ME😤😤😤😤

TSUKASA YOU SICK SEDUCER STOP LYING TO MITSUBA

NOOOOOOOOO MITSUBA

POOR HANAKO LEAVE HIM ALONE TSUKASA

Okay "Let's play together like we used to" really sounds like $exu@l @$$ault

Kou🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Awwww Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

NO THIS ISN'T THE WAY MITSUBA SHOULD GO OUT NO

I'm am so close to crying rn

OH KOU JUST REALIZED WHAT HE WAS TAKING A PHOTO OF AWWWWW

Okay wow all of that really happened in one episode

Episode 9:

I'm sorry that I won't shut up about my theory BUT THAT ONE PART REALLY LOOKS LIKE WHAT I THINK IT IS I SWEAR

I feel so bad for Hanako rn tho

Omfg It's Natsuhiko🙄

Nene stop it this dude is BAD NEWS

WAIT NO THEY BETTER NO DO ANYTHING TO MY PRECIOUS NENE ISTG

I HAVE THE SAME QUESTIONS, NENE

FRIENDS MY ASS

(To be continued here because I ran out of space)

[alysmarylin]

The fic you've been waiting for

Crowley avenging his beloved angel - Sandalphon got what he deserved (don't thank me, reblog instead)!!!!!!!!

Crowley and Aziraphale were unpacking the stuff they bought on a big shopping Sunday, and to this very day Crowley can't remember why and how they ended up talking about Aziraphale's, well... Ex-kin.

"I kinda enjoyed Michael", Crowley laughed. "Rather good-looking. Uriel, on the other hand..."

"Don't get me started on Uriel and Sandalphon", Aziraphale rolled his eyes. "I hate their guts"

"Sandalphon was a tough prick, I remember. And uglier than Belzebub", Crowley sneered.

"You don't say. He works in my place now, homophobic son of a... They couldn't have picked a worse candidate", Aziraphale said in a somewhat hurt voice. 

"Don't worry, angel. Soon enough, he will receive some beating from locals, I tell you"

"Yeah, I should've definitely punched that bastard back", Aziraphale muttered under his nose quietly, angrily. 

" Yeah, you bet...", Crowley laughed and then stopped abruptly. "W-w-wait, wait-wait-wait. Back? What do you mean, back?". Crowley stood up from the floor and stepped up to Aziraphale. 

" Nothing, really"

"No, not nothing". Crowley's eyes were widened in shock. " Do you mean, that, that piece of shit HIT you?!"

Aziraphale lowered his eyes. It looked like the memory wasn't pleasant. Crowley was gasping.

"When? When did it happen? How come I didn't know?", Crowley was not yet angry but more frightened. " Angel, look at me. Talk to me. Someone battered you and I know nothing of it?!"

"No one battered me. I was walking back to my bookshop and Michael, Uriel and... And he approached me, I was questioned..."

"Where the Hell was I?" - Crowley asked, astonished.

"You drove home", Aziraphale said quietly and sadly.

Crowley tilted his head backward and sighed with despair. "I should've known... ". He lowered his head and looked at Aziraphale with sadness and pain. Aziraphale looked confused and lost.

" What did he do? Tell me, angel", Crowley stepped closer, putting his hand on Aziraphale's arm, leaning closer. "Tell me. He's dead"

"Don't you dare, Crowley, we got away and I won't..."

"What did he do to you? What? Why didn't you tell me? I was up there, I saw him, I could've..."

"Because I didn't want you to", Aziraphale answered bitterly. " I needed you to be concentrated and cool-headed. You freed me from them, same as I did for you. That's all that matters"

"No, it's not. You look sad, you look hurt", Crowley said, cupping Aziraphale's cheek. " Otherwise you would've forgotten".

"He punched me in the stomach, alright?", Aziraphale said with a lump in his throat. His lower lip trmbled a bit. "It wasn't as painful physically as it was humiliating".

Crowley looked down on his angel's belly - soft, beautiful, beloved and precious - and everything before his eyes suddenly became red as blood.

"I told you because I trust you, but if you dare approach him or pull out something stupid like that, I will leave you, Crowley", he heard Aziraphale's voice from some distance.

"Do you hear me? Answer me, Crowley"

Crowley felt his head filling with lead from within.

"I will not approach him. I swear it"

"Good", he hears Aziraphale say. " I'll finish unpacking"

Crowley stopped Aziraphale, holding him by the arm. He embraced him from behind, wrapping one of his arms around his chest and putting his hand gently on the angel's belly. He buried his nose in his soft blonde curls and muttered: "I love you".

"I love you too", Aziraphale answered softly, "Now let me finish".

Crowley looked at him, picking up paper bags and arranging the stuff around the room, looking small and soft and lovely. Somehow it made his silent rage all the more burning and red became crimson in his eyes. He swore he wouldn't approach that sick fuck who laid his dirty hands - no, he couldn't bear to think of it - on Aziraphale

... But he said nothing of his friends.

***

Crowley pulled his hood further on his forehead

"Pleasure to see you, Jay. You look like a heroin addict in that hoody", said Phil. 

"I have to hide my hair somehow. Rare color"

Crowley was nervous and feeling restless.

"Yep. You're drop-dead gorgeous lad, we get it. To what I owe the pleasure?"

"I need to track someone down. Name's Saldanphon but he changes his IDs every now and then. You'll have to check for anything similar. Don't have a picture, but I draw him", Crowley laid a piece of paper on a table. The drawing looked fairly accurate. " Looks middle-aged, a bit fat, bald, ugly, has a golden tooth. A homophobe might be hanging around gay bars and the likes to preach or intimidate or whatever he does. That's all I have as of now".

"Well", Phil sighed " It's doable. But it will take a while. Any family?"

"No, none at all"

"I see. The golden tooth is indeed something". Phil looked at Crowley's hand. "You got married?"

"Ugh, yeah", Crowley answered looking around. " You know how to, ehm, tell me of the progress?"

"I've been around longer than you", Phil said wearily, and Crowley had to keep his mouth shut on that remark, " You'll know when I find something. Just one more thing. This, ehm, funny-named morality apostle. What exactly are you planning? He's gonna go?"

"No, not go", Crowley said with sheer disappointment "Plainly be taught a lesson. He put his shitty hands where he shouldn't have".

"Are you gonna call our mutual friend?", Phil raised his eyebrows. " If you want to make it clean, it's the best way. They'll never track his men down. Just food for thought, Jay. A piece of advice from the old man"

"That sounds reasonable", Crowley nodded, as if he had had any idea what to do next when he came to Phil, " I'll think about it. Thank you. Wanna count?". He put a book - a fake book, of course - on a table.

"Here? Oh, please. Trust me, if I don't find what I intend to find here, you'll know", Phil put a book in his bag and stood up. " Have a nice day, kid. Next time, wear something else"

Crowley waited for ten more minutes before leaving the diner. It was only when he was in a crowdy underground station when he put the hood off. He had to be cautious. For everyone's sake.

 

***

 

"Do you really think it's a good place, Jay?", said a tall and broad bald man in a leather jacket, trying to sit comfortably on a bench by a pond.

"The best one, in terms of privacy", said Crowley, looking grimly from his hood. " So. You said you owe me a favor all the way back from 1999. I didn't need anything for a long time, but now..."

"How do you manage to look so young, you sick bastard?", the man asked, chuckling, trying to look at Crowley's face. " You look just like my son, and that sad excuse of an heir is 27 now, not something you could tell by the way he speaks, though, I'd give him 10  in that department, still... How old are you, anyway?"

"I use a strong sunscreen. And I have good genes. Good, hardworking Irish people, my entire family. Will you listen or not, Patsy?"

A bald man stopped laughing and sighed.

"Of course. What seems to be the problem?"

"Our mutual buddy, Phil, tracked down a guy I need you to deal with. Here's what I've got on him", Crowley took a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to a man without so much as looking at his side. " I want your people to teach him a lesson. He's gotta stay alive. I can't be seen. But I need to watch it from a distance. I know you're ready to do this, but still" - Crowley took out something that looked like a book and put it on Patsy's lap still without looking at him - "this is some additional motivation for you, or a token of a good will, if you wish to call it that way".

Patsy put down an apparently-book-thing in his suitcase and opened a piece of paper. He looked at Crowley, frowning.

" What kind of a lesson do you want him to be taught, exactly?"

"If your boys will do it properly, he'll need new teeth", Crowley said, finally turning his head to his counterpart, looking him in the eyes from beneath his shaded. "The whole damn package. And the old ones, I want to have them. Every single one. Especially the golden one. No internal bleeding, no injuries to any organs. You can break a couple of ribs, but carefully. As you wish. But I need his teeth"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Jay", the Patsy man said, looking flabbergasted. " What did this son of a bitch did to you so you became such a butcher"

"He laid his shitty hands where he shouldn't have", Crowley hissed, grinding his teeth. His hands clenched in fists.

" You didn't tell me you were married. Was this your wife?", Patsy asked warily.

"I have no wife, but I am indeed married", Crowley answered. " I know you're one of the few people of your occupation who don't look down on things like that. I love him. But I swore I won't touch this bastard myself. I don't have much choice, Pat"

"I'm sorry it happened to your, well, spouse", Patsy said carefully. " But the guys that I have in my crew are not as open-minded as I wish they were. You know it yourself. Ours is not the most prestigious job. I'll do this favor, but when you're sitting in a car with them, better keep the personal personal". 

They shook hands.

"I'll be waiting for your call. You know which number to call, and which not to", Crowley said, standing up. "I'm looking forward to seeing your team at work".

 

***

 

Crowley was staring into the field glasses, trying looking at two tall men in leather jackets dragging a bald man resembling Sandalphon, gagged and tied up, to a torch on the abandoned parking lot. The jeep where Crowley and his associates were sitting was right in its darkest corner.

It was Christmas Eve, the 24th of December. The snow was falling gloriously, but the place was too grim and damp for the fairy-tale-like spirit.

“You see them, Cap?”, a young driver, sitting by Crowley’s side asked.

“It looks like him, but I need insurance. I remember his voice. Call them”

One of the guys on the backseat dialed a number and one of the bouncers took the phone.

“Our cap wants so be sure it’s the guy. Let him speak”

He turned on the speakerphone. Soon enough Crowley heard Sandalphon screaming something like:

“I’ll give you anything you want, please, untie me, I need my hands, I…”, before Crowley nodded and Sandalphon became silent again. The phone was turned off and Sandalphon was dragged to a small staircase, and Crowley had to pay very close attention, looking into field glasses again, to recognize what was going on.

“Are you sure your people can do ALL the teeth in one go?”, he asked a bit unsurely.

“You insult us, Mr. Jay. It is our signature. One strike, all teeth. Leaves a strong message”, murmured a young man behind him.

“Well, then…”, Crowley started, but then he saw something rather outstanding, that made him make a certain sound: “Oi, woah… That was surprising… Alright, gentlemen, pardon me for my previous skepticism. I take that back. On second thought, I even refuse to take, the, ehm, the evidence”

He then heard his phone ring. It had to be Aziraphale. He had to answer. He quickly took the phone and blurted:

“Angel, honey, I can’t talk, I’m very busy, buying you a surprise, I’ll call you back in ten, love you”, without letting him even say a word. He figured out it would be more secure.

“Wife?”, asked a second young man, with a smile.

“Yeah. Sort of. Listen, I think I’d rather be going, are they done with the teeth? At the end of the day, I’ll think I’m more than happy without them. I don’t wanna take ‘em. I saw what you did, it was amazing. Drop me at the underground station, please… Else my, ehm, spouse, will be suspecting something, which I don’t fancy, like, at all”.

 

Crowley was very relieved when they drove away.

 

***

 

Crowley thought he had never had such a lovely Christmas morning. Angel was by his side, in his lovely tartan pajamas, they were tucked under the blanket, sipping tea and lazily switching the channels on telly.

“I thought I hated Christmas”, Crowley said quietly, as he lowered his head to Aziraphale’s, planting a soft kiss on his temple. “Now you made me love it. What next, angel?”

“You’ll stop wearing all black?”, Aziraphale answered, with a sarcastic smile.

“Naah, not in this life and not in the next”, Crowley said leisurely, switching the channels. Then he saw the news.

“… The victim of this horrific Christmas assault is alive, but severely traumatized – his teeth were…”

That was something Crowley didn’t account for – the bloody news.

“Ugh, what is it with these people”, he said with a trembling voice, trying desperately to sound casual, turning the telly off. “It’s only violence on this television, I’ll better put on some music. And make you some tea”, Crowley said, standing up.

“Dear boy”, Aziraphale said softly. “I’d like some tangerines. Would you be so kind as to bring your husband a plateful of those?”, he smiled. Crowley looked like he was melting from the inside.

“Every time you say the h-word I can’t say no to anything, angel. I’ll be in 15, a’right”

Crowley sighed with relief as he stepped into the kitchen. He was off the hook now, but some time from now, the angel might still learn about what happened. Will he be able to understand?

“All I did, I did for you”, Crowley thought in pain. “I love you so much I couldn’t stop it. He had to pay, my love, he had to”. Crowley felt tears fill his eyes, as he was putting tangerines in a bowl, but he was able to will them away. “I’d kill for you, I’d die for you, Aziraphale”, he thought with anguish. “I hope you know that whatever comes. I hope you will forgive me for what I had to do”.

 ***

 

With Crowley gone, Aziraphale was finally able to read the newspaper.

 

“Broken teeth, that’s a good take”, he thought smugly, as he read the weekly crime report. “See, Sandalphon. What goes around, comes around, next time you want to apply brutal force to your… arguments, better remember this, no? Though I doubt there will be the next time”

Aziraphale smirked. What his husband lacked in logic and cautiousness, he made up in loyalty and protectiveness. Blind loyalty and fierce protectiveness.

“You’re such an idiot, Crowley”, Aziraphale thought tenderly. “Really, A-J? To think I wouldn’t know? Me, famous Mr. Fell of Soho?”

That very evening, when he received a phone call from Phil and heard of some “heroin junkie looking” guy calling himself “Tony Jay” or “A J”, or, God have mercy, “Jay”, of all things, he knew it has to be Crowley.

“Wearing a black hoodie on top of his shades, really. It’s a miracle he didn’t get busted for drug possession”. Maybe it was indeed a miracle.

Truth be told, he wasn’t angry. He couldn’t approve openly, but there was a certain warmness in knowing that a homophobic golden-toothed prick who assaulted him now got what was coming for him.

“But I can’t encourage this sort of behavior in Crowley”, he thought, hiding his smile. “Now, dear boy, you need to control your impulses. At least, most of the time”.

Still, Aziraphale knew that he was one of the luckiest men – well, not really men, but… - alive, for his partner would stop at nothing to protect him.

“If only he would’ve acted a bit cleverer… Well, I suppose you can’t have it all. He’s beautiful, caring, kind, sweet, fiercely loyal and sexy as Hell, in the most literal sense of this word. It’s only natural he has to be a complete idiot to not let me forget myself. Oh, he brought me the cannoli the other day… This boy watched The Godfather too many times”.

 

“Angel!”, Crowley said, entering the room with a bowl full of tangerines. “What are you smiling at?”

“I’m thinking about how lucky I am to have you, dear boy”, Aziraphale answered with a loving smile.

[dailyaudiobible]

09/16/2019 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 22:1-24:23, Galatians 2:17-3:9, Psalms 60:1-12, Proverbs 23:15-16

Today is the 16th day of the month of September. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian, and it is a joy to be here right now with you as we all just kind of come in around the global campfire, exhale, and, yeah, we’re moving into a new workweek, lots of stuff's gonna happen, but we have this time every day to just step away from it all and let God speak through his Word. So that's we’ll do. We’re reading from the New English Translation this week and we will continue our journey through the book of Isaiah today. Chapters 22 through 24.

Commentary:

Okay. So, what we’re reading as we read through the letter to the Galatians today brought us back some of the things that we were exploring as we journeyed through the letter to the Romans. But now we've got the benefit of a little bit of context. We’ve come some miles since then, so we’re beginning to get completely familiar with the struggle that was happening in the early church. And even in today's reading we can see pretty clearly…I mean…we can look at the apostle Paul and revere him, but we can see pretty clearly why he was hated so badly by the religious Jews and why this even spilled over into conflict between the Jewish people and the Gentile believers - so, like Hebrew believers in Jesus and Gentile believers in Jesus, which is the reason for this letter. So, Paul said something very, very famous today, very quoted, one of the most famous verses in the Bible. “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.�� And it’s famous because it succinctly declares our reality as believers and that’s what we’re living into. But why did he say that? Like, it's a pretty audacious thing…like…you don't just walk up to somebody and go, “hey, I've been crucified with Christ. I don't live anymore. Actually, I'm not living. This is Christ living in me.” Right? Like, is a pretty audacious thing to say. We say it all the time and it's famous and we understand it, but why did he say it? This is Paul's disassembly of the Mosaic law as a means to be justified before God. And that kind of language was the very thing that had so many people literally wanting Paul dead. So, we look around at the religious wars and theological debates and…that are happening today, and we realize, “oh, this kind of things been going on all along.” So, Paul's argument was that the law only could lead to death, right, that it could only reveal how you failed. So, there's a rule and you can obey that rule and obey that rule and obey that rule until you break that rule. But once you broke that rule you failed the law. And nobody had been able to just like live into the law and never break the law and therefore be able to declare themselves righteous before God outside of Jesus. So, the law shows your failures and condemns you. So, for Paul, the only…the only way to respond then was to die to the law so that he could find a way to actually live for God and this was accomplished by completely releasing, letting go of everything that he thought that he was, all that he was without Christ, to die to that, surrendering to the life of Christ within by faith. Now, like I seriously understand that this is kinda like Christianity 101. Like, these are fundamental things, but you gotta zoom back, like step away, or zoom up and get a birds eye view, just step back for a second from all of the tradition and all of the theology and all that you think that you know and just put yourself in the position of hearing Paul but not having been raised in this tradition, right? So, let’s say you’re a Hebrew person and your entire life you have been told to obey the Mosaic law. Like, that's the purpose of your life, it’s to try to obey the Mosaic law. This is how you will find right standing before God. And, so, you will go through all of the rituals and sacrifices and traditions so that you can…so that you can be right with God and have a sense of community. And somebody from your group…and this is Paul…like..so a pharisee…like a leading person in your group that teaches people comes along and says, “it's…it's different than this, we’re never gonna get there from here. None of us can fulfill the law.” And He’s simply speaking to a frustration that’s bubbling under the culture. Like, everybody knows that. And, so, Paul’s like, “we’re never gonna get there but somebody did, and that was Jesus, and you crucified him. You could…he was right in front of your face fulfilling the law right before your eyes and you killed him. But God raised him from the dead. And, so, now we don't have to obey the law anymore. We don’t have to do that stuff anymore. We’re dying to that because all it was ever intended to do was to show us that we couldn't live up to it. Its purpose was to show us that in our own strength we could only ever fail at becoming righteous before God. But then Jesus came and obeyed. The son of God came and died for the sins of the world. And now, if you are willing to let go of who you were and believe in Jesus then you will have fulfilled the law.” This is a bit of a tough sell for people who never heard this before. And, so…and because Paul had been a religious Pharisee, like he’s considered an apostate, like a heretic. And, so, the other religious leaders who are trying to live into and live up to this law, they think what he's saying is absolutely off the rails because, I mean, because Paul’s basically subverting a belief system that he was raised in and suggesting that it was replaced by a new covenant that could only be found in Jesus and this covenant wasn’t a covenant of judgment, but one of grace and faith rather than trying to obey a set of rules and regulations and traditions and customs, which…I mean…this unnerved the Hebrew people that are listening to Paul. You can only imagine how this would unnerve you. So, most of us…I mean…the Daily Audio Bible is a vast community around the world. Most of us would say that we are following Christ, we are Christian people, we are following Jesus. So, what…what would it take…like…who would that person have to be the come along and go like, “it's not the way you think it is, it's a completely different way.” I mean, who could sit down and actually have a rational conversation and explain this to you without you getting angry, unnerved, upset, upside down, calling all your friends, having these conversations, posting all this stuff on social media. Like, Paul was a lightning rod and he wasn't trying to invite people into a new religion. The bridge that was so hard for people to cross with Paul was that Paul was trying to say, “this has always been the Hebrew story. Like…like we just missed some key, really important factors. So, we’ve been living toward certain things and trying to use them in ways that they were never going to work. And, so God in His kindness, sent His Son to show us what life is supposed to look like and to reinterpret what is…what is become nothing more than a cage for us.” But that was a pretty, pretty, pretty far bridge for people to cross. And, so, the Gentiles had a much easier time of understanding this, whereas Jewish people…even Hebrew people who believed in Jesus, but believed they were to continue to practice what they had all always practiced as a Jewish person. They had a hard time wrapping their minds…like this is why the Jerusalem Council came to be. They had a hard time wrapping their minds around what my…what life might even look like without the law, because the Mosaic law was like the centerpiece of it all. It's their Bible, it's the Torah, it's how they're supposed to live. So, for Paul to kinda come along and say, “all that was supposed to do is to show you that you cannot achieve righteousness on your own.” Like, they had never lived any other way. And, so, this is a really hard thing for them to get their minds around or even how to live it. But Paul believed that Jesus had revealed this to him personally and that's what he said and that's why he wouldn't back down. God had done too many things to reveal this to him, too many Gentiles were receiving the power of the Holy Spirit in their lives with no…with no prior understanding whatsoever of the law, right? So, Paul could look at this and go, “God is doing something here and it's outside the law, it's happening, I'm witnessing it, I'm seeing it. So, the way to righteousness can’t be through the law. The law can’t have anything to do with it. These people have never even heard of the law.” And, so, that's why Paul's like…I'm…I'm quoting Paul here, “The only thing I want to learn from you is this, did you receive the Spirit by doing the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? Although you began with the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by human effort. Have you suffered so many things for nothing if indeed it was for nothing? Does God then give you the Spirit and work miracles among you by your doing the works of the law or by your believing what you heard?” Again…I mean…this is stuff…like we could take it as an encouragement. Like…we wouldn’t…we wouldn't take those words necessarily as some kind of confrontation because we believe. But…and…I mean…the reason that I'm spending so much time here right now is this...this is Paul's theological position, this is his argument, everything that he's talking about hinges on this. And for Paul to begin to unpack and unravel his own faith he had to go back to the beginning, not Moses but Abraham, which…which put people in theological dilemma when they began to argue against Paul in favor of the law because Abraham didn't have any law to believe in or obey either. There was nothing he was supposed to follow and obey to be made right with God. God viewed Abraham's faith and saw him as righteous because of it. And, so for Paul, he’s saying to his fellow Hebrew brothers and sisters and for that matter to all Gentiles, “look there is a way and does make sense. We forgot the plot. Like…we've been in this law thing for so long that we forgot that things were happening before God ever gave the law and people were being made righteousness before God because…because of their faith. And, so…and so there must be a way through faith to be made right with God instead of us trying to spend our whole lives trying to obey these rules that we cannot obey. There must be a way. And there is. It’s through Christ our Savior, who came here in plain sight and lived this out in front of us and we killed him.” So, for Paul, the religious leaders of which he was one had transformed the covenantal relationship God offered into a set of rules that controlled the people. And since everything boiled down to whether or not one was obeying the law than there was no freedom to be in any kind of relationship with God. The law was this constant reminder that they could never be righteous. So, we have plenty, plenty of ground to cover in the book of Galatians. But this gives us again, a good chance to get the back story to…to really live into what's really going on here when we read these letters and understand how unsettling and disruptive, and for that matter how massive the gospel of Jesus, the Good News is, and was.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into that as we continue to make the journey through Your word this year. We invite Your Holy Spirit as we explore all these avenues all these little trails that we get to go down all the things we could talk about begin to understand in in our Bibles. So, as always, we invite Your Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth, and we pray that expectantly, that's what You’ve promised You would do, and we open ourselves to You. In the same way that the apostle Paul was inviting his Hebrew brothers and sisters to set aside what they thought that they knew, we do the same and invite Your Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

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And we released the new Daily Audio Bible Journal 2.0 where we just tweaked some things on the bindings so it would lay better and tweaked the think a little bit and just dialed it in. So, those are available in the lifestyle section of the Daily Audio Bible shop along with all the writing paraphernalia, all of the Black Wing pencils. And it’s the stuff that I use every day.

But we also released the Global Campfire line last week and that…that is something really really excited about because I we wanted to create a logo that represented our community. We have a Daily Audio Bible logo. We use it all the time, obviously, and we wanted to create something that represented the community aspect of what we do. And, so, we did that. And, so, we’ve created a number of resources that are lifestyle in nature, things that you use and that you see and that bring a sense of connection.

For example, we created a Global Campfire commemorative coin. I don't know about you…like…I'm like a national…national Park card-carrying lover. So, like, I have an annual national Park pass and all this and I love to visit our national parks here in the United States because just they’re…they’re treasures of beauty. But when you go there, and you go to a ranger station or whatever there’s all kinds of stuff you can get but they have these little coins or pins or things like that that commemorate your visit. And I'm a sucker for that stuff. I have a whole bowl full of all the places that I've been with these little commemorative coins and pins and stuff. So, it’s like…I can't be the only one…I can’t be the only one in the world who loves this kind of thing, these reminders. And, so we created the Global Campfire commemorative coin for a couple of reasons. One for just that, as a…as a collectors thing…like a thing that you see and it reminds you, “I went through the Bible. I went through the Bible in community or…and I'm still going through the Bible in community.” But also, it’s just a touch point. It's the kind of thing that you can put in your pocket and it’s just a little bit bigger than…here in the United States…I can only speak of our currency…like I’ve got all kinds of currency from all over the world, but I don’t event know what it’s all called. But if you have like a quarter, like a quarter dollar here in the United States, you know, about the size of a quarter. And this is more like the size of, say, a half-dollar. So, it's easy to kinda carry around in your pocket. And whenever you reach in your pocket and you feel it, it reminds you, “I'm not talking alone. I’m not by myself. I’ve got brothers and sisters all over the world who are going through the same things I am just like the Bible says.” And it's a touch point when you…when you touch it or when you’re holding…holding it to pray, pray for the community or pray for your brothers and sisters that we pray for every day. So, it's a beautiful reminder and those are available in the Shop.

We printed Global Campfire postcards. We have always been in the habit as a community of leaving little business cards or postcards places all around the world…all around the world in all kinds of random places…wherever we go. And since we were launching this Global Campfire logo, we created these beautiful postcards, really eye-catching, really hefty…weighty…weighty…they’re like good postcards and they’re eye-catching. So, if you leave one sitting somewhere, it's gonna draw someone's eye to the Global Campfire but when they flip it over, they’ll see, “oh, this is the Daily Audio Bible and how to get it and how to listen.”

So, that's a couple of the other items in the Global Campfire line…I guess it’s line. I don’t know that we really have a line of products, but I guess we do now. And I wasn’t really thinking of it in that way, but these are the resources that we have identified. Like these things, we can carry with us, these things, they'll be constant reminders. And it seems like we constantly need to be reminded that we’re not alone because it doesn't matter how great of a time we have in the Scriptures or whatever. Life then comes rushing…the world comes rushing at us and…and asks us to give us its complete devotion, like we have to completely focus on all the different things that we’re doing and so very easily we forget. We forget that there's something greater, something bigger, something larger happening that we’re a part of and that is that we are the children of the most-high God, revealing His kingdom in this world. So, we’ve tried to create some reminders. And you can find them in the Daily Audio Bible Shop. There’s a whole section called Global Campfire. You can find all that there.

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And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Hear you're gonna be a Daddy Rio: Congrats Buster: Cheers Buster: Who told you? Rio: Nance Rio: but everyone knows, its splashed all over socials Rio: expect the too-late family intervention to be knocking on your door any moment now Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: Course it is Rio: She didn't tell you? That's fucked Buster: She is. In the head like Buster: What did Nance say? Rio: Yeah, I told you, you knew. Still impregnated her so that's your shout. Rio: Fucking hell, you want me to sum that up in a sentence? She's Rio: furious and so fucking devestated, how could you? Buster: Don't fucking start. You've told me a lot of things Buster: Yeah well. I didn't plan it Buster: Can't take it back though, can I, so she'll have to handle it Rio: Couldn't take just one on board, no? Rio: Yeah no doubt that was all her, you've obviously not got the brains 'cos you fell right into it Rio: Fucking idiot Rio: Looks like it Rio: What the hell are YOU going to do? Buster: Tell me something I don't know, babe Buster: Fucked if I've got anything mapped out Buster: Nothing I can do, me and her ain't talking Rio: Don't act dumber than you are 'cos you're feeling sorry for yourself Rio: Chained to her for life, well done Rio: Better think of a way to make that bearable fast, and a way to talk to her Rio: or what? you not going to see your kid? Buster: She doesn't wanna talk to me since I said I don't want a kid Buster: And that's how I want it since she's dropped me into a load more convos I've gotta have, like with my parents and sister Rio: Well, a baby won't just be swept under the rug Rio: Jesus Buster: I know that Buster: Fucking hell Rio: Why the fuck didn't you wear a condom? Buster: She told me she was on the pill and I went with it Buster: Didn't have one anyway Rio: Wow Rio: Its textbook Rio: Make a fucking PSA seriously Buster: Shut up Buster: I didn't go out looking to fuck Buster: I don't even remember doing it Buster: Barely Rio: Oh my God Rio: Well, lucky for you, Chloe has a permanent reminder cooking Buster: If it's mine Buster: We'll see Rio: Oh its yours Rio: Without a doubt Rio: You think you're that lucky? Get a grip, fast Rio: Your accident, not hers, remember? Buster: What are you saying? Rio: I'm saying, Buster Rio: she basically targeted you Rio: She's obsessed with you, or something, this is exactly what she wants Rio: You, forever and ever Buster: Bullshit Buster: Why ruin her own life that's fucked Rio: 'Cos what she wants is a hubby and lots of babies to play house and dress up forever Rio: You only have to look at her to know socialite/yummy mummy is all she wants on her fucking CV Buster: She's never choose me for that Buster: She knows I'd never put a ring on it, I don't even like her Rio: She's clearly more than a bit fucking delusional! Rio: I'm not saying normal girls go 'round doing shit like this Rio: She probably thinks she can mould you and you're good looking clay, that's all she needed Buster: Nah, that's too farfetched Buster: It was an accident that's all Rio: Whatever Rio: Believe that Rio: You'll still end up having to deal, mark my words Buster: Whatever Buster: Can you just tell Nance to take my calls? Rio: I'm not going to make her do that Rio: Not 'til she's ready Buster: Come on Buster: I'm asking you nicely and everything Rio: This isn't a joke Rio: She hates Chloe, she made her life hell so much so she had to leave her Home, which you fucking know, knew Rio: and you still did it Rio: Have fun talking your way out of that one when she answers Buster: I'm not laughing Buster: But I'm not about to fucking cry over ancient history either Buster: Not like she was a one woman hate squad Buster: Yeah it was shit but come on Buster: School's nearly over anyway Rio: It isn't ancient history Rio: and it won't go away when School's out Rio: its trauma she's going to have to carry 'round, unpack and deal with, all 'cos of that cunt Rio: who now has an invite back into her life thanks to you Buster: You're being well dramatic now Buster: It was some names and shit Buster: None of us want her around Rio: You best hope for your sake that I find out you don't actually know the full extent Rio: or I'll fucking kill you myself Buster: Big talk, babe Buster: Be pissed off at me all you want but don't make this into a Nancy crusade Rio: What else would this be about? Rio: You wanna ruin your life? Fine but you didn't have to do it with her Buster: You know what Rio: Why would it be about that? Buster: Look, it was a mistake, yeah? I've made plenty of others Buster: That night included Rio: Well, none of those have resulted in a fucking life Rio: Get a clue Buster: Don't talk to me like I don't know that Buster: This is happening to me Rio: Then act like it! Rio: What are you even doing right now Buster: Talking to you Buster: You started the convo like, you should know Rio: By all means, piss off Rio: Not if you're just gonna sit around with your thumb up your arse like you ain't got a clue Buster: I'm waiting for my mum and dad to get home from work so I can have the convo she's forced me into Buster: What would you have me do? Rio: Act like you give a shit Rio: about this, about your sister, about your fucking self Buster: How am I meant to do that over a keyboard Buster: You want me to call you crying or what? Rio: Just drop the fucking act Rio: Yeah, I wanted to check if you were alright too but you know what, fuck it Rio: Better luck smashing my head against a brick wall Buster: All I've done since she told me is give a shit Buster: I've spent all my time trying to talk sense into her about not having this kid Buster: For her fucking sake as much as mine Buster: You think you're the only one smashing your head against the bricks, fuck you Rio: There's no way she'll get rid, is there? Rio: Fuck Buster: No Buster: And I'm shitting myself about it Buster: Happy now? Rio: No Rio: Obviously not, Buster Rio: What are you going to do about Uni? How are you going to do that Buster: I'm still going Buster: She's not gonna want me around on my terms only hers Buster: She'll probably stop me seeing the kid unless I marry her or some shit if what you're saying's right Buster: So it won't matter Rio: You should still try Rio: Don't you want to? Buster: I don't want a kid with her. A kid that'll hate me 'cause it's mum's a fucking headcase Rio: I know you don't but its going to exist regardless if she's going ahead Rio: That's gonna be a fact, even if it shouldn't be like Rio: If you go, you have to commit to it, okay Rio: Or it fucks the kid up Buster: Fuck Buster: I don't want to be like Edie's dad Buster: Around but not Rio: That's what I'm saying Rio: Either way, this is a huge fucking commitment Rio: and I know it isn't fair its being forced upon you but it is, okay? It is Rio: so you have to do SOMETHING Rio: the alternative doesn't bear thinking about Buster: I'm gonna have to get into a London uni Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: Shouldn't be an issue for you, should it? Buster: Obviously not Buster: I just had somewhere else in my head Rio: That's shit Rio: Doubt you're getting Chlo outta Chelsea Buster: Yeah Buster: Fuck knows how I'm even getting her back on side never mind anything else Buster: I can't be with her for the kid that never works Rio: No but you've got to at least be able to talk to her Rio: You have rights, no matter how insane she is Rio: If you wanna see your kid, she can't stop you Buster: And she can't stop my parents either Buster: No chance they'll not wanna stick their noses in like Rio: Never Rio: Even though they're going to kill you for making them grandparents, ruining their rep, like Buster: Fucking hell Buster: Can't wait for them to get back Buster: Rio Buster: Fuck it. Never mind Rio: What? Buster: Tell me you don't hate me, yeah? Buster: Everyone else is gonna and I can take that but Rio: I don't hate you, Buster Rio: and no one else is going to Rio: not forever Rio: Nance might for a bit and your parents will definitely be livid for a while too but Rio: you were right about one thing amidst your bullshit, they will have to get over it Buster: Okay Buster: Christ, I wish you were here Buster: I know I shouldn't say it Rio: Yeah Rio: Deal with one mistake at a time, right? Rio: Don't get overambitious about it Buster: Yeah Buster: Sorry Rio: For what? Buster: You know what for Rio: Its alright Rio: Can't be helped Buster: Will you tell Nance I am? Nothing else if you don't want Rio: Yeah Rio: Do my best Buster: Cheers Rio: Any time Buster: You're not just chatting shit when you say that Rio: Nah Rio: Don't make a habit of it unlike you, like Rio: You know I mean it Buster: It'd be fair if you said it to shut me up Rio: Gave up hope of that ages ago Rio: Always chatting, you, McKenna Buster: Says you, babe Buster: You admitted yourself you're as bad like Rio: This isn't about me and my flaws Rio: Thank fuck Buster: It could be Buster: Come over Rio: Don't be daft Rio: I'll hop on a plane, you put on the kettle, yeah? Buster: why not Rio: You know why Rio: Not going to solve anything, is it Buster: I don't care Buster: Everything's fucked anyway Rio: Well I do Rio: and I don't want to be another fucked up thing for your pile of mistakes Buster: You know that's not what you are Rio: That's all it can be Rio: Us Rio: We're not allowed Buster: Like I said, I don't care Buster: I know you don't either Rio: You will when you come to your senses Buster: What have I got to lose? Rio: You want to find out? Buster: Yeah Buster: You know I do Rio: No Rio: Not now Rio: Like this Buster: Then what? You said yourself none of this is going away for me Rio: When you're head's less fucked Rio: when you've got a clue whether you're coming or going Buster: You're making excuses Buster: I know what I want Rio: Stop Rio: You're making it hard to do what I have to Buster: Make me Buster: Tell me you don't want the same thing I do Rio: I told you, not like this Rio: When all you've got on your mind is this bullshit Rio: You just think its going to distract you but it won't Buster: It's not all i've had on my mind Buster: You're not the distraction this bullshit was Rio: Buster Rio: You're not thinking right Buster: Good Buster: We weren't that night either Rio: That shouldn't have Rio: We shouldn't have Buster: Don't Rio: I'm not saying I didn't want it to Rio: you know I did Rio: but why have we been avoiding each other since Buster: Like you said, I'm an idiot Rio: Now you're just trying to say what I wanna hear lol Buster: it's still legit though Rio: I don't know what you want me to do Buster: yeah you do Rio: Alright but Rio: I can't like this Rio: I can't stop thinking about her and you Buster: I swear I don't remember fuck all about it Buster: You don't need to Rio: That doesn't change the fact it happened, like Buster: I know Buster: But forget, I can't now like, but you can Rio: How can I? You're having a kid Rio: I can't just turn a blind eye Buster: Think of her as virgin mary like Rio: You're very unfunny Rio: I hope you know Buster: So you keep saying Rio: You keep proving me right, joker Buster: About a lot of shit, yeah? Buster: Whatever. You love being right Rio: Yeah Rio: and you aim to please, right? Buster: Yeah Buster: You'd know that if you come over Rio: Smooth Buster: Call me then. I won't even touch you. Won't be able to Rio: Alright Rio: Only 'cos no one else will answer your calls, like Rio: No other reason Buster: If you say so, babe