#but yeah i think it should be majorly vetted

[fillejondrette]

it’s difficult to keep up with trans-related news because there are laws that are genuinely concerning and then there are laws that are reasonable or at least debatable but the people talking about them treat them as all being on the same level. like people are really out here saying that restricting minors’ access to transition is genocide and not allowing trans women to play women’s sports is basically a hate crime.

[halloweenhoneylover]

the struggle bus

summary: spencer is the kindest human alive, which makes things tough for the reader :/ (spencer reid x fem!reader)

word count: 5.3k (a doozy kinda!)

warnings: i guess angst, but really just idiots in love (my fav trope). reader is kind of a hot mess. also, mention of overdose via multivitamin.

author’s note: hi, it’s been approx 4000 years since i last posted, but it’s just because i have no concept of ‘efficiency’ or ‘speed.’ but it’s okay. some of this is good, some of this is eh, make of that what you will. also, this is supposed to be #funny sometimes so uhhhh, keep that in mind. ALSO, the title is majorly stupid, but it was the title of the google doc, and i couldn’t think of anything else......anyways, love u!

For once, the bullpen was quiet.

Spencer was immersed in some case file, doing some work that you should have probably been doing as well, but it was approaching the late hours of the night, and you would barely be able to keep your eyes open if you came even close to trying to read or write. Your desks were situated against each other, so you shifted your gaze across the small divider to him. His sharp features were softened in the lamplight, a sight that tugged on your heartstrings, and you took a moment to just look at him. Most everyone else was gone or was too focused on getting their work done to pay attention to your reverie. Derek, if he were here, would dub you as ‘lovesick’ and shoot mischievous smirks and wiggling eyebrows in your direction, but luckily for you, he was not. Twisting carelessly in your chair with your feet propped on the desk, you chewed absentmindedly on a pen, lost deep in thought. “Hey, Spencer?”

“Yeah?” He continued scribbling on the file without so much as a glance towards you, but that was perfectly fine by you, more time for not-creepy staring.

“How many of my vitamins do you think I could eat before I died?”

At this, he furrowed his brow and neatly laid his pen down.

“That depends on what vitamin you’re taking. If you’re talking about iron supplements, the limit is somewhere around 20mg of elemental iron per kilogram of body weight. Any more than that will have incredibly unpleasant side effects like abdominal pain, persistent vomiting, rapid breathing, and coma. However, if you’re talking about Vitamin C, it’s virtually impossible to overdose, but you might get a bad headache if you supersede 2000 mg.”

“Okay, what about my gummy vitamins?”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “While it still depends on what vitamins are included, eating a whole bottle of your typical multivitamin could easily result in death.”

You mulled this over. “So, I should definitely not go home and eat the rest of my gummy vitamins tonight?”

Spencer chuckled, “I’m not a medical doctor, but yes, I’d recommend that you don’t do that.”

Tossing your head back and letting out a small groan, you protested, “But Spencer, my gummy vitamins taste so good! And I have no food at home, so I guess I either die by overdose on gummy multivitamins or starvation.”

He couldn’t help but grin at your melodrama. It could be 12:06 in the morning, and you could still somehow make him laugh. He was starting to understand that he was in too deep, but he also had the startling realization that he didn’t mind drowning if it was in you. 

“You’ve got quite the predicament on your hands there, (Y/N). Maybe you should go grocery shopping with me the next time I suggest it, so you don’t end up in this situation again.”

“Oh my god, dude!” you moaned. “I told you I was actually busy; I had to take Oscar to the vet for his vaccines! I try to be a good mother to my dog, and you know I’m not an anti-vaxxer. I’d never decline time with my favorite guy without a good reason.”

Spencer’s heart was doing somersaults at the thought of him being your favorite guy. He’d won plenty of awards and medals in his lifetime, but somehow, none of those measured up to the accomplishment of being your favorite. Pride and butterflies boiled in his stomach. 

“Alright, fine, I’ll let it slide this time.”

You snorted, “I appreciate your unmatched benevolence, Dr. Reid.” Locking eyes with him, you tried to dampen the lava flow of heat in your chest that erupted when he looked at you with the softest expression you’d ever seen, but you failed miserably. You had to clear your throat and look away; it was becoming all too much. “Hey, I’m gonna run to the restroom. Don’t leave without me!”

As you dashed away, a thought crossed Spencer’s mind, and he stood up and set off down the opposite hallway.

You returned a few minutes later to an empty bullpen which made you frown, and your heart sank. You had thought he was going to wait, but guess not. Sighing, you tried to not let it sting too badly when you noticed a light on in JJ’s office. You knocked and pushed the already ajar door with a quick hello? before being met with an exhausted-looking JJ.

“Hey, (Y/N). I thought everyone had left by now.”

“Nope, not quite yet,” you replied, offering a weak smile. JJ noticed and wrote it off as fatigue. “You didn’t happen to see Spencer leave a couple minutes ago, did you?”

“Uh, no, I thought he’d gone too.”

“Hm, okay, thanks anyway!”

You prepared to leave, but she stopped you, cocking her head. “Why do you ask? Is he still here?”

Leaning your head against the doorframe, you sighed. “I’m not sure. He was here when I went to the bathroom, but he wasn’t at his desk when I came back. I’m a little disappointed. We always walk out together because we’re both afraid of the parking garage at night.”

A grin simmered on JJ’s face at that fact. “Well, I could walk you out if you’d like?”

“Nah, that’s okay; I don’t want to bother you.”

There was something behind JJ’s eyes you couldn’t identify as she replied, “Alright, then. Just let me know if you change your mind.” She definitely wasn’t thinking about how you didn’t want her intruding on a you-and-Spencer tradition. Not that she minded! She’d been rooting for you both since the minute you’d stepped into the BAU, and Spencer had looked like he was about ready to melt into the floor at the sight of such a pretty girl.

“Thanks, Jayje.”

Dragging your feet a little, you made your way back to your desk to gather your things, trying to fend off the disappointment. You had gotten your jacket on and were about to pick up your bag when you heard a (Y/N)! from down the hall. Well, that was certainly not JJ. Hesitantly, you called out, “Spencer?”

He finally emerged with his arms loaded with...something, you couldn’t discern what in the dim light. His face lit up like the Vegas strip when he saw you. “(Y/N)! I didn’t want you starving or eating all of your vitamins, so I went down to the vending machine and got you a couple snacks!” Arriving at his desk, he dropped the various bags and packets on his desk, and your eyes widened immensely.

“A couple? Dude, did you buy out the whole machine?”

Slightly breathless from his quick jog back, he waved a dismissive hand. “It was nothing. And hey, look!” He picked up a bag. “Fruit snacks! Just like your vitamins, but without the part where you get really sick.”

You were astonished, to say the least. And minorly speechless too, as evidenced by your mouth that was gaping like a fish. “Spencer...this is so nice. You really didn’t have to.”

“Don’t worry about it; I’m sure you would’ve done the same for me.”

At that, your face nearly split in two, and he mirrored your grin. You thought you might pass out at his kindness, and you knew you’d be thinking about this every day for the next two weeks at least. Your expression then turned mischievous, as you tried to tamp down all of the warmth bubbling in your stomach. “Do you want to help me try to fit all this in my bag?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

——— 

Garcia had been practicing her ukulele peacefully when she got the call.  (Well, ‘peacefully’ might have been a stretch as she had threatened to smash the object on her coffee table when she simply could not get the finger picking pattern she’d practiced for what seemed like hours, but it was supposed to be a relaxing hobby, so yes, it was peaceful.) Huffing a sigh of relief when the caller ID said [(Y/N/N)!!] with the longest stream of heart emojis and not [hotch >:( ], she picked up with her usual air of cheer. “What can I do ya for, my loveliest, most bewitching—”

She was cut off abruptly by the sounds of your horrible, heart-wrenching sobs, and her brows furrowed in concern. “Oh no, my sweet! What’s wrong?” She had to wait a few moments for your tears to calm (somewhat) while you tried to wrangle in your breath, so you could form some sort of sentence.

“Penny!”—gasp—“Oh my God,”—hiccup—“it looks so bad!” With your last word, you tumbled into incoherent bawling once again.

“Dear, what looks so bad?” She held her phone between her ear and her shoulder as she began to gather up her things. Whatever was wrong, it was clear you needed some good, old-fashioned Garcia TLC, and she was ready to give it.

The sniffling subsided minorly, and you choked out, “Remember when we were talking the other day, and I mentioned that my hair had gotten a little too long for my liking?” Oh no, Garcia could see where this was going. “Well, I figured I’d spend our evening off getting my hair cut, and I went to that new hairdresser, and oh Penelope, it looks awful. I don’t think I can ever go out in public again.” With that, your tears resumed.

“Darling, you know I’ve been where you are, and I know it seems bad right now, but everything will be fine. Let me grab my scissors and I’ll be over faster than you can say, ‘Penny, I love you so much, you truly are my fairy godmother.’”

You paused before whispering into the phone, “Penelope, I do love you so much, and you are my fairy godmother. But please, hurry.”

And hurry, she did.

Garcia was knocking on your door a little over five minutes later, which was incredibly suspicious because she lived at least 10 minutes away on a good day, but in the state of your disarray, you were not inclined to care. She sat you down on the toilet in your bathroom, whipping out her hair care set (she had definitely spent a significant amount of time dabbling in cosmetology, and it was desperate times like this when it came in handy). Squeezing your eyes shut through most of it, she snipped here and there, trying to make the best of this...horribly atrocious cut (seriously, that hairdresser should be sued), and when she was finished, it was not as bad as when they started, but it still wasn’t great. The rest of the evening was spent watching cheesy rom-coms and baking in an attempt to get your mind off of your hair.

Everything was mostly fine until the next morning, when you realized you’d have to go into work like this, and as terrifying as that prospect was in a normal work environment, you also worked in a place with an abnormal amount of hot people. (And you happened to be developing feelings for one of those hot people, but your brain was insistent upon ignoring that for the time being.)

Already anticipating your worries, Penelope had sent a text without your knowledge to a BAU group chat that excluded you (she had one of these for every member, it just made surprise birthday party planning so much easier).

[penelope :)] please DO NOT MENTION (Y/N)’S HAIR!!!! she got a bad haircut and she feels really terrible about it and doesn’t want to think about it so do not talk about it!!!

[jennifer!] Oh, no! :( Lips are sealed!

[rossi ;)] rip.

Emerging from the elevator in the nicest work outfit you own (an attempt to distract from the monstrosity), you scurried to Garcia’s lair before anyone could see you. Once inside, you slammed the door shut, and leaning against it, you slid down and covered your face with the files in your hands. “Pennyyyyy,” you moaned. “I don’t think I can do this!”

She swiveled to face you with a look of empathy. “Sugar, I know you can. It—it doesn’t even look that bad!” But Garcia was a horrible liar, and if looks could kill, she would have been dead instantaneously. 

Heaving yourself up off the floor, you came to sit in the seat next to her. “Can’t I just work in here today? And maybe for the rest of time?”

“You know I would love that, but those other lovely people on our team need you! Especially the young doctor, you know he’d be lonely without you.”

As if her mention had summoned him, Reid opened the door to their secret meeting, files in hand, and your eyes nearly jumped out of their sockets. Garcia stared at him very intensely, attempting to telepathically tell him to not mention the hair, and you looked like a deer in the headlights, trying to figure out a way to hide yourself from him and possibly the entire universe. And poor Reid shifted his gaze between the two of you, helplessly confused as to what he had walked into. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Uh, no!” Garcia said in the least convincing manner.

“Okay,” he responded, not convinced in the slightest. “I just came to give you some files from Hotch.” So, he handed Garcia the papers and then turned to leave when you caught his eye. 

And because he was not the greatest with technology, Spencer had not checked his phone that morning…. Meaning he had not seen Garcia’s text. So he looked at you a moment and cocked his head. “Your hair looks really nice today, (Y/N). Did you get it cut?”

This time, it was Garcia’s turn to glare (because read your texts, dammit!), and you fumbled for a response. As you scanned his face, searching for a sign that he was lying, that he was just saying something to make you feel better, you came up empty. He was telling the truth. He genuinely thought your hair looked nice. “Um, uh—yeah. Yeah, I did. Thanks for noticing.”

“You’re welcome.” He offered you a smile, which you returned easily (a fact that surprised you). “See you.” Retreating from the office because the vibes in there were weird, he shut the door, finally leaving you and Garcia alone again. 

You were reeling.

You thought about when you had gotten dressed that morning, and you had entertained each outfit with great scrutiny, trying to come up with something that might draw attention away from your hair. In that half hour you’d spent, you had realized that you didn’t really mind looking bad in front of Morgan or Emily or Hotch or really anyone on the team. Almost anyone. With an increasing amount of discomfort, you had realized you didn't want to look bad in front of Spencer. Of course, he’d never judge you, but you wanted to look good for him. For your best friend.

And he told you your hair looked nice.

You smiled to yourself.

Garcia turned to you with a look of shock on her face. Had that been anyone else, she was sure you would have curled up in a ball beneath her desk and would not have left until every single other person had left the Federal Bureau of Investigation, but you hadn’t, and she smirked.

Oh, she knew where this was going.

——— 

To put it lightly, it had not been the best of mornings. 

It seemed that everything that could’ve gone wrong did, so you burst past the glass doors of the BAU six minutes late with a coffee-covered shirt, mud-stained pants, soggy shoes, and a most miserable attitude. Hotch, while a sympathetic man, was still your boss with rules to follow and when you stumbled into the bullpen, gave a pointed stare between you and the clock, and you nodded sullenly. You understood his silent admonition, but knowing that he was even slightly disappointed in you, made your knees want to buckle. Swallowing around the slug in your throat, you set your bag down beside your chair and noticed a foreign object sitting on your desk. Interest thoroughly piqued, you reached forward to find it was a book with a satin ribbon tied on it.

It truly was a beautiful book with a deep crimson hardcover and the kind of deckled edges that you loved. Running your fingers along the rough-hewn pages, you finally noted the title, and you gasped. Beloved by Toni Morrison. Your favorite. The cursive words curved in black on the cover to match the ribbon, and you carefully traced the curling letters, wondering where this gorgeous book could have come from.

In the desk across from yours, Spencer watched the scene in front of him with a grin. He couldn’t help but feel pleased at the look of awe on your face as you inspected the book with careful fingers and a gentle gaze, and his heart swelled more and more the longer he looked. “Did you know that Margaret Garner, the woman the character Sethe is based on, her trial was used as part of an effort to dismantle the Fugitive Slave Act?” Your eyes flickered up to meet his, and those stupid freaking butterflies erupted in the pit of your stomach as you realized who had gifted you the book. “The presiding judge didn’t accept her lawyer’s argument that the act violated the right to religious freedom, but it was still somewhat of a turning point in the movement to strike down the law.”

“I did not know that, but thank you. For the fact and the book.”

“You’re welcome.” He had to avert his eyes from your strong gaze because he thought he might melt otherwise.

“Please don’t misinterpret this as me being ungrateful because I’m so, so thankful, but why?”

He shrugged, “I was just in the book store, and it made me think of you.” No, he didn’t keep an eye out specifically for this book on his weekly trip to the bookstore by his apartment after you had briefly mentioned your love of Ms. Morrison’s metaphors. And he definitely didn’t ask the owner Alice if she would let him know if she ever got any new copies.

Frankly, you were at a loss for words. Combing back through your conversations with him, you tried to remember when you had talked about the book, but you couldn’t come up with anything other than a couple words tossed briefly here and there. Suppose it wasn’t really the fact that he had heard, but the fact that he had listened. He listened and remembered things about you, little things tucked in the back of his brain, and it was how he thought about you even when you weren’t around. So, you clutched the book to your chest tightly as if it could meld with your heart and let your thoughts rage with the implications for a minute before smothering your mushy grin and tucking the book into your bag.

(Later, you pulled it out on your ride home on the metro. Spencer had already gotten off at his stop a few minutes before, so you took this moment of solitude to revel in the glory of your new gift. Every time you smoothed a hand over the cover, your mind was overwhelmed with what-ifs. What if he felt the same? What if his stomach rumbled with the same butterflies when you looked at him? What if this means he likes you as more than…. And abruptly, you were doused in doubt once again, muzzling those dangerous, rearing hypotheticals. This was a path that would only lead to disappointment.

Those thoughts only got worse when you read his inscription, though:

Dear (Y/N/N),

I hope you find great joy in reacquainting yourself with the graces of Ms. Morrison’s elegant prose in this new copy. I was inspired by your praise and read this classic again, and I can say that I definitely understand your veneration of her story-telling. Hopefully, we can discuss it soon, so I can try to see all of the details that you so admire. You are always much better at appreciating the finer things in life.

She says that, “something that is loved is never lost.”

I hope you know that you will never be lost to me.

Sincerely,

Spencer

(P.S. I wrote this in pencil, so you can erase and have the clean copy you wanted.)

You would never erase it.)

——— 

“Hey, are you alright?”

You sat at your desk with your head in your hands. Your responding “no” came out muffled. 

Spencer frowned and sat on the edge of your desk. “Is there anything I can help with?”

Running your hands over your face, you finally met his gaze. His eyes were soft as they searched your own, and the expression on his face was not of pity or frustration but empathy, and of course, he was just being his sweet self. Your eyes watered in response, and his heart clenched at the sight. You shifted your eyes somewhere else, anywhere else. “Uh, no.”

It was clearly a lie.

Furrowing his brows at your obfuscation, he scanned your face for any indication of what might be the problem. A small sigh. He came up with nothing. “Alright,” he conceded hesitantly. “May I ask what is wrong?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

You stared down at the files neatly ordered on your desk, trying to mentally shoo him away with the sheer force of your willpower alone. But Spencer Reid was a stubborn man, and you knew this, and you also knew he wasn’t leaving until he knew you were alright. So, you both sat in the silence of the bullpen that only accompanied the arrival of midnight. The glow of your lamp bathed the vicinity in a warm yellow, and the tick of the nearby clock rattled around your chest as you attempted fruitlessly to subdue your incessant thoughts. He was close enough that you could hear the soft susurration of his exhales as his eyes flitted about the room to give you some sort of breathing room, and you shut yours for a moment to appreciate this moment of peace before the inevitable catastrophe to follow.

“I’m—uh, not okay.”

Finally turning back to you with a mildly surprised expression (he didn’t expect you to say anything so soon. Or so bluntly.), he offered you one of his signature tight-lipped smiles as encouragement to continue.

“I’m kind of really struggling…” you trailed off, gaze empty, ensnared in your thoughts.

Ever the gentleman with persistence that could last a thousand years, he gently prompted, “With…?”

A strong gulp and eyes squeezed shut. “With you.”

Well, that was not the answer Spencer was expecting. He felt like he’d had the wind knocked out of him, and he was hollow and shaken and in pain. Gaping, he fumbled hopelessly for an answer, trying to find some reason you could be upset with him. He had always thought you two were the best of friends; he’d never doubted that before. How could he have missed this?

Swallowing hard against the lump in his throat, he strained to ask, “Uh—um, what—what did I do?”

Upon witnessing his struggle, you quickly amended your previous statement. “No, no, no, no, no! I’m not mad at you, well, I kind of am, but you don’t need to feel bad, it’s not your fault.”

“I’m not really sure what to make of that.”

You huffed a sigh and covered your face with your hands in a poor attempt to try to hide the blush rapidly coloring your cheeks. “I’m sorry, I just—you’re so nice!”

Now Spencer was really confused. “You’re mad at me...because you think I’m nice?”

“Yes, Spencer! You’re so nice, and it makes me incredibly frustrated. You see this?” You picked up a book from your desk and waved it frantically. A little intimidated by your crazed look, he nodded timidly. “Do you recognize this book?”

“It’s a special edition of Beloved by Toni Morrison.”

“It’s the special edition of my favorite book that you bought for me because you know how much I love this book.”

Spencer looked like a deer in the headlights. “You always said that your book at home was so messy with your annotations and that a fresh copy would have been nice.”

“You didn’t even buy it for my birthday or a special occasion! You just saw it in the store and said that you thought of me and had to buy it. That’s so unbelievably thoughtful! Not to mention the fact that I can barely look at fruit snacks now without tearing up. And—and the other day! When I got my haircut, I hated it, but I came in the next day, and you were the first person to tell me you liked it. You weren’t even lying to make me feel better; I’m a profiler, and I know that you were telling the truth. And it took no effort or thought because Spencer, you are the most kind-hearted and compassionate and generous person I’ve ever met. You are so—so genuinely good. 

“No, you are the best. You are the best person I know,” you stated with finality, holding his stare with an unshakeable firmness. It was the first time you truly looked at him all night, and his heart felt like it was going to expand past his ribcage and burst open like a balloon. Your resolve melted though and your voice dropped to a near whisper. “And you’re not just nice. You’re nice to me. Which just makes it so hard.”

You deflated, withering into your seat.

“Makes what hard?”

“It makes it so much harder for me to not fall in love with you.”

Stunned silence. 

Until it was shattered by a hiccup, and Spencer finally noticed the tears leaking from the corner of your eyes, and he tried, he tried so hard to puzzle through all of this new information and the fact that you just admitted you’re falling in love with him, and for some reason, you’re crying? He couldn’t even get his stupid genius brain to come with a single word before you started stumbling into an apology. “I know that’s not what you want to hear because we’re supposed to be friends, and I know that you’re just a good person, so you’re nice to everyone. Believe me, I know. And I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable, but I couldn’t keep holding on to this by myself, and I knew if anyone would let me down easy, it’d be you.” You chewed on your lip and avoided his stare at all costs. “So, I’m sorry.” You sniffled. 

The quiet that followed weighed heavy on your chest, and you couldn’t seem to breathe. You had expected rejection; you hadn’t expected complete silence. And this was somehow so much more unbearable. In a voice so faint you weren’t even sure if he could hear, you begged, “Please say something.”

A beat.

“(Y/N), I love you.”

A whisper just barely verging on hopeful, “What?”

“(Y/N), I—I love you so much.” His heart felt like it was in his throat, and his voice broke slightly as he stood. “You’re the first person I think about when I get up in the morning, and you’re the last person before I fall asleep. I dread going home at the end of the day because you’re not there. When you’re not with me, even if you’re in the other room, it feels like I’ve forgotten something, and for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out what I was missing, but it was you. You consume my every thought, which is saying something because I think a lot. Actually, it’s kind of funny,” he chuckled somewhat morosely, “I truly cannot comprehend the fact that you don’t know how much I’ve liked you, how long I’ve loved you because it feels like it’s so obvious and so potent that it seeps out of me, whether I want it to or not.

“And I’m nice to you because no one else is more deserving of kindness. I’d be lucky if you let me be the one to remind you of that, everyday. Because you’re the best person I know.” You looked up at him with shining eyes and the meagerest beginnings of a smile, and he just beamed right back. With a creased brow, he ventured, “You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that, right?

Failing to suppress your growing grin, you nodded your head meekly. “Yeah, I know.”

“Good.”

Spencer felt pleased with himself until he remembered that he had forgotten the most important part. “Would you like to get dinner with me sometime? Like a date?”

Standing from your seat, you wrapped your arms around his neck and burrowed your face into his chest, and he immediately reciprocated, clutching you as close as he could. “I would love that.” It came out muffled, but he understood well enough as he pressed his face into your neck. And you stood like that for a few moments, just existing together, and for the first time in a long time, nothing hurt. There was no worry of unrequited yearning or pain of terrible pining; there were just two people who finally knew peace. Knew that the person they loved most in the world loved them back. Neither ever wanted to leave.

However, sometimes necessary duties like breathing take precedence, so you pulled back from him enough to finally claim some air. Your hands slid down his front, resting on his chest, his on your waist, and you just stared at him. The most beautiful face you’d ever seen looking right back at you with the same expression of awe that made you realize just how lucky you were. And slowly, hesitantly, you both leaned in ever so slightly with heads wavering and tension buzzing. Gingerly and sweetly. Neither could commit, but no one could pull away from fast-approaching revelation. 

Finally, a breath away.

“Can I kiss you?”

You nodded.

When your lips met, your chest heaved with your eager, romantic hopes and dreams bubbling up near your lungs, finally coming to fruition. His hands came up to caress your jaw, and you leaned into him. His touch was so gentle, but he also touched you with intention. For once in his life, Spencer Reid felt no hesitation, kissing the girl of his dreams. And you felt held by him. You were bursting at the seams of your existence, swollen with infatuation and tenderness, yet totally and completely encompassed by him. You could shatter into a million tiny, little pieces, and he would be there to collect every shard. How cheesy.

Both of you grinned into the kiss; the sickly sweet itch in your heart was contagious. You finally released him, and wanting to savor the moment, you tucked yourself into the crook of his neck, so his chin could rest on the crown of your head. “I love you a lot, Dr. Reid.”

He hummed in agreement.

It didn’t need saying.

[luvsjimmyreed]

Jimmy Reed with Todd and Angie: On Authoritarian Leftism

Todd Russo: I think it's a very good time to remind people that, when we criticize certain leftists, we're usually... uh, criticizing those who... occupy the authoritarian-left quadrant of the political compass.

Jimmy Reed: Exactly! In other words, it's authoritarianism that the three of us are strongly opposed to.

Angie Kyoto: Yeah, that's it! It's one thing to restrict gun ownership, and to have a... a sort of vetting process when it comes to purchasing guns. After all, there really is a disproportionate amount of gun violence here in this country.

Todd Russo: That's probably what I like least about... the US. The fact that a significant amount of people here have a... are majorly obsessed with guns. That just scares me.

Angie Kyoto: Yeah, I can't say that I blame you. However, what I can't quite abide by... are authoritarian leftists who wish to... restrict junk food.

Todd Russo: I know, right? Unlike guns, junk food doesn't kill multitudes of people within a short period of time.

Jimmy Reed: 'You don't think folks should be restricted on what they are allowed to eat? Quite clearly, you must be a Republican!' Sheesh! Get away from me with all that 'nanny state' balderdash!

Todd Russo and Angie Kyoto: Exactly!

[nasty-b]

Should have left it to rot - A Hawks x Reader Fanfic

Warnings: Creepy Crawlings, Manipulation, Blackmail, 

Right on. This could not go any worse if you fucking tried, right? All in all, the entire fucking day had been an absolute disaster. It was so bad. So.. disappointing. Starting with the fact that you got fired like a loser for something you had not even had any control over. It sucked majorly. Especially because not only did you have no control over the event, it was also not even in your jurisdiction. Not your job. End of story. Your superior should have become the person they nailed down but instead you got to play scapegoat.

It was proper stupid. But even ranting a bit around like this did nothing for your mood as you were making your way back home, the box with the stuff from your desk clamped under your arm. It’s not like paying rent was easy enough, even with this job paying you barely enough for the necessities. Now you got to stress over being put out on the street. Your landlord was enough of an asshole to put you out right now if he found out you got fired.

That man was as thick in the head as he was fat. And he was fat. Nothing against people who were on the heavier side but him being obese had nothing to do with- ok you need to calm down. Right now you were just letting your emotions insult anyone inside your head to let out the stress and anger of the situation. Is it beginning to rain? “Shit..” You wiped your h/c hair out of your face and picked up the pace. If you got hit by a storm now you were going to fucking implode. And after imploding you’d explode and probably take half the neighborhood with you.

That was a metaphor. You did not have the power to actually do that. Sometimes you wished you had it though. Just to have something. Sure, you had a quirk, but it was totally useless. You could just dislocate and relocate your bones without abstaining any damage and you could only do it with your arms or your legs. It also hurt like fucking hell, even if you did not catch any damage. You hated pain more than anything.

A lot of people do not enjoy pain. Hard surprise. Wow. Fucking shit it was raining. The drops were coming in hard and fast now and you weren’t even close to home. You’re not running in this weather. You’re gonna fucking slip and then get hit by a car or something.. this week was bad enough to make you feel like you were going through bad luck on purpose. Maybe you were. Maybe someone had cursed the shit out of you for existing. Not that much of a surprise.

Would not be.. much of.. a surprise..? Your step slowed down and cast down towards the small.. red ball of fluff sitting there in the middle of the road. Oh shit- it’s a bird. Poor thing must have hit a tree or something.. You glance up at the darkening sky. Yeah. Must have. Except for when you hear a soft chirp and glance down only to see the fluff moving. Wings stretching weakly and making you jump. Ok yeah no- not a fucking bird. It’s a hawk. A fully grown hawk. Jesus those claws looked mean-

It’s crooked wing also looked kind of unfortunately mean. Yikes there. The poor thing would likely not be flying anywhere anytime soon. That was a death sign for any bird. Broken wing. You should leave it- Law of nature and all. Except for where you were in the middle of the city and this was not exactly.. the most nature rich place. Oh god it’s coming towards you. Limping on it’s gangly legs. “Ahh, hold on- no- bad bird. Don’t come over hereEEK!” Saying this was embarrassing was an understatement.

The thing just hopped vaguely into your direction and you almost dropped your box and landed on your ass because you decided the smartest move was to jump hectically backwards as if the devil was about to bite you in the tit. Take a chill pill y/n. Maybe two. Hakuna your tatas. Think of funny internet pictures. It’s hard to do that with the bird still pathetically trying to communicate. Communicate?

It was kind of squawking at you but, well, obviously you understood none of that. You were no bird person. You did not speak chirp. Unfortunately. That would have been a great quirk to have instead of.. dislocating your limbs as many times as you wanted. You could have been a hero with that kind of quirk. Your own quirk just made you able to use your arms as meat nunchucks. Which. Sounded really fucking stupid oh my god- The image won’t leave your head but you’re forced to concentrate on the bird when it hopped onto your shoe.

First instinct is to scream and kick it. Second instinct is to not move at all. You were wearing short pants and you do not want the thing to peck at your legs. “Jesus christ- I’m so fucking dead. Please don’t hurt me-“ Just in case that thing spoke human, you were very willing to beg a bird to not bite you. But now that it was sitting on your shoe, looking at you. Something did poke at your subconscious. Which would be..

Normal hawks were not red. They might be brown.. with a red tint. But red? This poor animal looked like someone dropped it into a paint bucket. Probably what happened. Maybe that explained the broken wing. “Aw.. Was someone mean to you?” Maybe some kids pulled the poor creature out of a tree or something. “Uh..” It just sat there. Giving you the beady, sad look that only a bird could give someone. It pulled on your heart strings. Badly.

“Wanna.. come with me? For now?” The weather was bad. You were not going anywhere far today. But there was a vet on the way that would be able to set the wing.. at a cost of an arm and a leg. The thought makes you wheeze softly. The bird presses against your leg and you just kind of. Ah hell..

It takes the effort of two hours and most of your savings to get the bird to your shitty apartment. By now all sanity had left you, carrying the box with your stuff and the bird inside. They gave it a little muzzle cap. To ensure you did not get bit or clawed to shit while you waited until the weather cleared up enough to bring it to the nearest wildlife center.

By now you’re drenched. Severely. It was gross and made you shiver and ugh. Back to the loss of your sanity though, because right now you’re ranting to the damn bird about the week you have been having. Currently at the point where you got fired. “-and you’d think they fire the person responsible. Do they get fired? No. I get the shit put on me while I wasn’t even in said department when the whole thing crashed! Fucking bastards I tell you. Proper melts.”

It was oddly therapeutic. Talking to this red bird. Which, by the way, was not dyed. Apparently this had to be it’s normal colors. The vet had been confused but had shut up about it once you paid him. He just wished you well and ushered you out the door as if you were garbage. To be fair, you looked like it. You looked like the girl from the ring while she was climbing out of the well by now. Your hair’s a mess.

Any makeup you had on was runny and your clothes stuck to your body, making you feel oddly naked. “Hold on-“ You put the box down and immediately shimmy out of your clothes. “I suppose I oughta give you some new place to nest for now too, I don’t want you catching a .. cold..” While you had been undressing your gaze fell back onto the bird. Who was.. pointedly not looking at you? It was even shoving it’s head into the box. What the hell?

“Uh.. Buddy?” Was it throwing up in there? Please no. You shuffle over. “Hey, Leggie,” A nickname born out of the length the birds legs had. “If you throw up onto my shit, please, aim at something that is easily wiped down.” But of course you get no response. It does not even answer you. Rude little shit. “Fine.” You conceded.. after making sure the bird was not hurtling out some dead mouse or something. “Hide.. or whatever..”

Taking a shower was overrated after just getting fired so you get into a hoodie and some panties, some comfy socks to fight the cold, tiled floor and then got to moving stuff around. Once you emptied the box of the stuff inside, you filled it with towels and one pillowcase to create a weird sort of nest. Putting the bird back inside. You’re so glad it does not scratch you either. Oddly docile the little thing.. “Ok so.” You clap your hands.

“Welcome to your .. new nest. For now. We’ll be roomates until I have the time-“ and mood “-to get you to the nearest wildlife center.” You needed motivation for such a travel. The nearest one was five hours away with public transportation. You had no drivers license. Well, you used to have one but you lost it because you .. mhh.. you don’t actually remember why you lost it. It never mattered that much so you never bothered taking care of reclaiming it. It wasn’t like you had any money for gas and maintenance anyway.

It ended with you just walking everywhere or taking the subway if it came push to shove. You’re losing track of what you were doing but once you refocused.. you just sighed and hung your head. You were talking to a fucking bird. Wow. And they told you romance was dead. “I’m.. yeah.. let me just..” You turned away and shuffled to your fridge to pull out some raw steak you wanted to make for dinner today. You were not hungry anyway.. not anymore. So, you cut the thing up and just put it all in a bowl before walking back.

It leaves you with the danger of unhooking the muzzle and losing your eyes. Ahh that was bad.. Very bad. You pout a little and just.. carefully pulled it off. Holding the bowl over and putting it into the box, quickly retracting your hand and then lifting the box to put it in the bathroom. You had no bathtub but a shower, which is why the bird box went in there. You closed the glass door and watched the bird stare at you.

“Stop.. judging me.” It felt like it was. It was an ugly feeling to have such an elegant and majestic animal judge you. It sucked majorly. The bird tilted it’s head and just turned it’s head on the meat. Fine. Starve then you little rat.. It was late. You were tired. You got the little thing a bowl of water before you forgot and then you closed the bathroom door. Leaving the weak light on to make sure it found it’s food and it’s water. Time to sleep.

You can watch the bird choke down food tomorrow. No more today. Too late.. Did birds overeat? Naw right? Hawks were like.. eh- they hunted for themselves, surely they knew when they had enough or something. Yeah. Sounded more reasonable. You move to your bed and drop onto it. Taking your two room apartment in one more time before closing your eyes and just .. letting sleep claim you.

For some reason, sleep does not wanna claim you at first. A blood red hawk dancing around in the back of your mind.  That was weird, right? Red hawk. Hawks were brown, usually.. Unless.. did animals have quirks? Nah.. You’re putting too much thought into it. Finally. You drift off.

Only to wake up 6 hours later by a loud crash. You screech in panic and fall out of your bag, kicking and punching the covers off of you and scrambling backwards in reply. Jesus fucking christ what the hell? The noise continued. Clearly, coming out of your lovely apartment. This is hell. You’re in a horror movie. Any moment the monster will come around the corner and kill you.. does it? No. It doesn’t. You need to act before that monster does though.. Very likely a burglar but your imagination is running away with you. Where the fuck is your phone- you left it in the kitchen to charge. Fucking shit.

You grab the nearest thing, which would a polo stick. You don’t polo. You just found the damn thing in a trashcan once and thought it looked cool. Someone had clearly customize the thing and thus it was covered in painted on sunflowers on very dark wood.. They’re very tiny sunflowers. Very tiny. That stick is also not extremely sturdy, being as thin as it was, but you had nothing else and to get to the kitchen for a knife you might already get attacked. Be brave y/n. You do not wanna be brave. Yet, here you go-

With shaky steps, slowly but surely, you make your way to the door. There is still rustling and shuffling, which ensured that it was not right in front of your room. Mhhh carefully you peer around the corner and notice two things. 1. The light in the bathroom was on. 2. The door was open. And suddenly, the idea that came to you very quietly when you were about to sleep came back to kick you in the ass.. But you had been a fucking idiot about it. Because what if, what if.. that hawk was not a hawk. But someone with a hawk quirk. And you brought a stranger into your home and.. undressed in front of them.

Might explain why it looked away from her when you did and did not want to eat the raw fucking meat that had been given to it. God, if this was some kid discovering their quirk you’d be in so much shit. But how did the vet overlook that?? The vet. The vet should have fucking told you what was going on- bastard had probably kept quiet to avoid the drama. Once this is over you’re suing, but the current issue at hand, you dodge the terror of some stranger in your home and straighten out. If this was some kid, their arm was broken. You need to act.

So, gathering all your bravado you stalk over to the door and.. carefully peek inside the room. First thing you notice, this aint no fucking kid and second thing is that there was still an alarming amount of red in your bathroom. Two giant wings were flapping weakly in there and the blonde man that they belonged to was sitting in your shower. Crowded into this tiny bathroom and just looking.. a little bit dazed? He swung from left to right, yikes. Somehow he felt familiar. “E-Excuse me?” Polo stick, firm in your hand. “Are you alright?” The wing that had been broken was still angel awkwardly but by now the bandages had torn. This is bad.

At your voice the man turned his head and blinked owlishly at you. And, oh my god? You knew he looked familiar. You remember this man because his face is on a billboard three or two blocks away to advertise some cologne. You watched an interview with him just four days ago. Hawks. Number 2 Hero. Holy Hell. Hawks was sitting in your bathroom. Uh. Naked? Your eyes try to focus on his face but can’t help check his back out. Muscles alore. The man was short but packed to the sky. God. This was like, out of an fanfiction or something. This happened in fiction. Not real life. “Ah- let me get you some clothes!” Barely you snap out of your dumb stupor and run off to your room to get the biggest shirt and shorts you got- then you run to the kitchen to get a knife to cut two misshaped holed into the back of it.

Maybe those were too small.. But you rushed back only to find the blonde trying to wobble to his legs. The raw meat’s on the ground. Man, guilt coming in hard. You fed the number 2 hero raw meat. Raw.. meat. “Here, come on- uh- you need some pants at least!” He’s clearly out of it. But he’s sobering up quick because when you spoke to him he just held out a hand, to where you handed him the clothes and he started shuffling into them. His wings spread as much as they can, at least the healthy one, crowding you easily out of your own bathroom. Anxiety has your ass so hard you forgot to turn around but when you get a wing in your face you flee to your kitchen and just, shakily start making yourself some tea.

For two. Water enough for two.. he looked like he could need some tea once he got out of your dumb bathroom.. God his poor wing. What happened to it? Why would anyone do this- You knew Hawks, his quirk fierce wings was great but last time you checked, he could not turn into a hawk. But suddenly, there was a hawk Hawks. Which would imply that another quirk user did this to him, right? Oh god.. He saw you undress.. Well, at least he was a gentleman about it.. You’re nervous. Kind of scared of having made yourself look like a total fucking idiot.. you ranted to this man, your idol kind of, about losing your job. The blonde probably thought you were a huge loser.. You were a huge loser. You felt like one.

“Ehhh..” The voice has you snap your head around, almost burning yourself on the hot water you were trying to pour. The man was standing there with a sleepy look and just watched the two mugs on your counter. “..Nh.. Yeah.. Yeah thanks.” He sounds like he’s half asleep. Just moving to your kitchen table and managing to sit down on it, wincing as his broken wing avoided the chair. You wince in sympathy. “I’ll.. I’ll get dressed in a bit and then.. I’ll call you an uber to the hospital. Yeah?” Hawks doesn’t answer. He looked ready to fall asleep at the table. He needs help.. Fucking- Of course he needs help. You finish the making the tea and put some sugar in to help him stay awake before you trot over and put his cup down. “Here. It’s orange. I hope it’s fine.”

Still not much reaction. He just grunted and grabbed the mug to start blowing on it to cool it down. You realize that the shirt you gave him had died. The two holes you put in there had become one huge hole. Guess they were too small after all. Whatever. You’re sure the hospital had better options. Better had better options. Forget your tea, you’re getting dressed, snatching your phone from the counter and speed walking to your room. Find an uber, call them, pay them with the little fucking amount of money you had left which would ensure you’d have nothing to eat for the rest of the month and get Hawks to the hospital.

It takes you five minutes. When you get back the man was staring out the window. He’s looking more awake. That’s good. “Ok!” Your voice had him snap his head around and squint. God, anxiety in your ass. “The uber will be here in a bit, I picked one with a really big care for your wings- Uh,” He’s just staring. “L-Let’s go?” You pump your fist shakily into the air but it just makes you feel dumb. At least he listens, because he gets up and just waits for you to move to the side before walking past you. He’s angry. You can see he’s angry because his face looked angry. His fists were clenched and you’re unsure if it was you or the situation pissing him off.. You’d let him go alone but someone needed to be there to pay the uber driver. Yeah.. You’re praying they take card. You forgot to ask.

All the way down the stairs and then waiting for the uber is nervous hell. The man is super silent and just staring straight ahead as you stood next to him. You wanna go home. Which would be right behind you but you need to pay this shit stain of a driver who was now, five minutes late- Oh is that him? You walk a bit forward and wave the car, which slows down and stops in front of them. The man sitting inside was staring at you two with wide eyes and a pale complexion. Yeah, see who you made wait. Hawks just got into the back, taking in the whole seating. That’s fine. You shuffle to the front and hold up your card. “U-Uh.. do you take card?..”

The stranger just nodded and you can see how uncomfortable he is. He’s feeling like you were right now, which was kind of nice to have that company in a way. Shared pain and all.. You tell him where to and quietly pay. Unfortunately, or fortunately, unsure yet, fate has other plans. When you step back from the car and are about to give the hand sign to go, Hawks slapped his hand onto the other mans shoulder driving the car. “She’s coming with us. I’ll pay for her later.” His voice is hoarse and leaves no room to negotiate. God. What is this. Is he going to sue you for trying to feed him raw meat and locking him into your bathroom..? Hhhgh.. The drive just stared at you helplessly as Hawks fingers dug into his shoulders. No choice then, eh?

You carefully get into the front seat and just .. put on your seatbelt. You’re so fucking scared- but you’re thankful he paid for this? Because. You had nothing left. You were in the red now. That shit cost fifty bucks or something like it- Why did it cost fifty bucks? The hospital was five blocks away or something like it. Right? You’re unsure. Anyway.. “Get his contact info.” Hawks voice made you flinch and you just nodded like a servant or something before pulling out your phone. “P-Please drive, just tell me your info.” Right. Neither of you wanted to be in the company of the angry hero. It just was too much pressure. So, the drive starts and the man manages to give you his info while Hawks was brooding behind you two. This was so stressful. Your veins feel like they’re about to explode.

The next twenty minutes are just as bad and when you get there and Hawks just left you two in the car to get into the hospital without saying anything further. You and the dude just sit there. “Am.. I supposed to wait too?” He sounds confused and worried and you understand. “I.. I don’t know..” You fold your hands into your lap and just watched the hospital. Tensing when you spotted that hawks was coming back with two frantic nurses and a doctor on his ass. He poked his head out and made an impatient motion for you to follow. Carefully you glance around and point at yourself and got an eye roll and a nod in return. Shut the door.

“Good luck..” You groan at the driver and hurry out of the car, thanking him and then jogging over there. Hawks was already on his way back in. Why was this happening to you? You were trying to help- why was he so angry at you? .. Raw meat, shower.. ranting and undressing in front of him might have something to do with it. Damn it.. It’s like, four am or something. You’re only awake because of the adrenaline going through you. You’re in some dirty, stained clothes because you did not pay attention what you were wearing and now that you were a bit calmer you realized you gave Hawks your puppy shirt. The .. the fucking glitter puppy shirt. Ok. He’s going to hate you, he probably already does. This was a disaster.

It’s been an hour and you were forced to sit in the waiting room. Just.. staring ahead and biting your lower lip. You had no friends to call to tell them about this and you and your parents hated each other.. Mostly because they were both heroes and had been so disappointed to have a daughter with a worthless quirk. So disappointed they up and fucking disowned you. Assholes. Whatever. “Miss y/n?” Your head jerks up. Oh no. A male nurse waved you over with a bright, happy smile. “We’re happy to announce that Hawks is stable, you must be so relieved.” Relieved? “Uh, Uh yeah.. Yeah of course I am..” You carefully got up and walked over to the man as he led you down the hallway to the patient rooms.

“We will be right with you bringing you two something to snack on until breakfast. So please just take a seat for now.” What was going on? This was weird, right? You were freaked out. “Thanks..” You muttered and then watched him as he left. Something tells you that you should just leave.. But .. this was the number 2 hero. You can’t just.. ignore him telling you to come along? Especially if he was going to sue the life out of you or anything. Lessen your sentence or whatever. So, you carefully open the door and walk inside. Staring at the blonde man in the bed. He was sitting and reading the newspapers with a focused stare but when he spotted you he gave you a warm smile and waved you over. “Ahh. The savior of the hour.” What?

This was a turnaround. A real 180 degrees one. The anger the other man had expelled earlier seemed gone. “Got that contact info I asked of you, chickadee?” Right. You pull your phone out of your pocket and stumble over to show it to him. His expression warms even more as he gave you a happy grin. “Nice. Great job.” It’s so much different now. Maybe he had just been in immense pain? “Come on, don’t look so scared, I’m not gonna eat you or anything. Sit down, they told me we’re getting some snacks in a bit.” Right, you were told too. This was just freaking you out even further. But what were you going to do?

So, you sit down and give a nervous smile. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.-“ Then you bow and start to apologize. “And I’m sorry about locking you into my bathroom- and feeding you raw meat and-“ It never ends. You end up babbling at him frantically for over five minutes as you tried to convey the emotions of how fucking sorry you were about treating him like, well, a fucking bird. He just grinned at you the whole time and only when you were done speaking did he reply to you. “Ah, well. Yeah that was weird but it’s water under the bridge. It was kinda nice to not have to fight for survival against dogs and cats trying to eat yours truly. That was a thing I got to play around with three hours before you found me.” He makes a face. “You can imagine a broken wing makes that a tad annoying.”

Oh yeah. You finally relax into the chair you’ve been sitting in. “Oh my god.. I’m so glad you’re not suing me.” You groan into the air and just started to giggle all that nervousness out of you. It had been bubbling around in there and finally it was out. God damn it.. “Nah, wouldn’t dream it of.” He leaned back as much as he could in the bed and just continued to read the papers with a soft humm. Which brought in a comfortable, somewhat awkward silence. Right, you had questions still. “Uh, by the way. Now that I’m no longer getting sued or whatever-“ He raises an eyebrow. “Why am I here? Just to like, spend you some company?”

Hawks tilted his head from side to side. “Mhh.. I oughta repay you for your service, now don’t I?” Which, did not exactly enlighten you in whatever the hell he meant. Your smile tightened a little. “Aw, that’s not necessary- I’m just really happy you’re ok.” The door opens at that time and you saw the male nurse bringing a tablet with some bread and stuff. It was not much. But it was some snacks and you could use some nutrition. With all the adrenaline leaving your body you felt kind of faint from all the stress. The male smiled at you two sitting there, Hawks half sitting. “Here you go, you two lovebirds.” Uh. “I’m sorry you have to eat together in a hospital but I’m sure you can have a proper date once you’re out!” Double uh?

He put the tablet down on the bed, on Hawks legs. Who just grinned sharply and side eyed you. “Definitely. Thanks for the food.” You blinked at him with an open mouth. This just, got really uncomfortable? What. The male nurse was already out the door, winking at you as if you were about to get proposed or whatever. What kind of inside joke was this. Joke. Right. Had to be a joke. You laugh nervously. “Haha, wow. He acted like we’re a couple. Crazy!” Hawks had just pulled the tablet closer and was currently busy putting some jam on bread. He’s frowning at the quality of the hospital food. His bread’s crumbling like a bitch. “Is it? I’m hurt.” He deadpans, looking around to see what else was at his disposal. “Am I not up to your standart?” It sounded so serious. You wanna laugh but the look he gives you makes it die in your throat and begin to rot in there.

“We.. Uhm.. What?” Deer in headlights. Right there. Suddenly you felt like you were sitting in a trap that was about to cut your legs off. “Come on, you could do worse.” He smiled warmly and took a bite out of his bread before murring. “This is disgusting.. and at the very least some kind of health violation..” He blerghs before putting the food back down. “I’ll take you somewhere nicer once I’m out, yeah?” What’s going on. You’re having a fever dream. Probably on the floor having a seizure and all of this was not happening. “Y/n. You’re zoning out.” Hawks was still looking at you. You stare back. “Like.. a romantic date..?” It just slips out but the fact that it did made him perk up and smile a bit wider. “Finally, you’re catching on, chickadee.” Is this a dream come true or a nightmare.

“Did.. did you tell the nurses we’re dating already?” There’s no way he would, right? “I mean, obviously.” How wrong you were. “We basically already are.” The blonde picked the bread up again and frowned at it. He’s probably really hungry from having eaten nothing but maybe.. nibbled some raw meat or whatever. “You saving me was like a wake up call. You really did me dirty, y/n. Not once did anyone leave that kind of impression. Also, come on, number 2. I think I’m repeating myself when I say you could do worse. Or more like, you would do worse. Who’d beat me? Endeavor surely is not on that list, believe me.” Your head is spinning. Endeavor? What? Who— How??

“I- I’m..” What? Flattered? You felt like saying no was rude even though it was in your right to refuse this.. advancement. “I’m.. not interested.. I mean- this is kind of rushed, right?” Of course you were interested. Like many women, Hawks was an idol in any form. He was attractive and smart and always there to help and like many, you had been part of some fan forums. He just grinned at you when you were done speaking. “Aw.. Well, that’s fine. I’m up for a game of tag.” Which is not the response one should have to being rejected. A game of tag? “I’m..” You’re out of words. What are you supposed to be telling him? This was fucking out of whack. Suddenly you’d rather be in the car with the dude that you paid than in this room.

“No thanks?” The stupor that had a grip on you was not letting go. You’re too dumbfounded to really just, argue. You’re too nervous to lose your shit on the man. You’re just staring at his smiling face, that was just trying to make you want to calm down and be safe. Instead, it made you uncomfortable. The man shook a bit as if he was holding in laughter before taking a huge bite of his bread. Chewing thoughtfully and then swallowing. Tilting his head to the side. “Hah. That’s cute.” He’s not taking you seriously. “I.. should probably go. But-“ You want to wish him a good recovery but it felt off now. You get up and bow to him before making your way to the door. “You sure that move is in your best interest?” You blink and turn around.

“What?” He’s bandaged up and his one wing was in a cast and somehow he still intimidated you with a weird, predatory smile. “No money, bet you got no insurance..” Right. How would someone like her pay for insurance.. “At this rate you’re ending up on the street. Would fucking suck if somehow your landlord caught wind of that, eh?” Oh what. “I’ll.. stop- you’re really freaking me out. I’m telling-“ “Who?” He cut you off. He just leaned back a little and grinned wider. “Who are you going to tell that would believe you over me?” He points at himself. “Come on, chickadee. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. Don’t you want a comfy life? Doting partner? You can’t do any better than this.” You’re going crazy. You’re going stir crazy. That’s the only explanation.

“You.. I.. do not- Why are you doing this?” Your eyes are tearing up and it seems to make something snap a little in him, because he winces and his expression softens. “Ah- No, hold up don’t cry- Come on-“ He actually got up, dragging the IV drip after himself as he made his way over to him. His left leg was bandaged up and in a cast too- she’s confused how that break happened. Did the vet just overlook it? “Don’t you get this? Can’t you see the raw opportunity in front of you? This is like, a golden ticket into a better life. No one else would slap this down. Literally, people would kill to be in your shoes right now. You should be happy!” He gently takes your hands into his hands and leaned a bit in. “I know I am.”

You weren’t happy. Not at all. You were scared, your idol was blackmailing you with becoming homeless. No one would believe you, some random chick that had no friends and a family that hated her and there was no getting away. You’re not smart enough to come up with some detailed strategy to get out of this. “I wanna go home.” You whimper quietly as he leaned his forehead against yours. Only getting a soft, happy sigh in return. “Don’t worry, little chickadee.. I’ll have some people bring your stuff to my place. I got enough room for us two. You’ll love it. Do you like pools? I got one-“ His talking is getting muffled as ringing took over your ears. He was trying to make this sound so much better but it does not change anything. Somehow you felt like this was the end of your life, or, at the very least, the start of something awful. Maybe it’d be beautiful if you gave it a chance in the future but right now? Right now you were scared. A lot. Looking at his eyes you felt like there was no escape. Maybe there really wasn’t.

[stupidheadwithablog]

Robin Hood Chapter One

The area around my left eye was sore and it was starting to swell shut thanks to me getting punched there. I’d just beaten the crap out of some guy a year older than I am in the local library who thought it was a good idea to called me a selfish bitch simply because he somehow managed to found out that I’m still a virgin. Okay, technically it was my own fault that he’d found that out, but it’s not my fault his dumb self didn’t know the correct meaning of what a virgin is! Not only that, once I told him what it meant he said that it should be illegal for females over fourteen to be one! What the fuck!?!

Anyways, I’m sixteen, so I’m not even worried about still being a virgin. No one my age should, in my opinion. I told him that too, and that jerk said how his own father taught him how females are only good for being in the bed or in the kitchen.

I kind of feel bad for him, being brainwashed to believe those majorly outdated ideas by his own father. I feel bad for his mom too, if she’s still even with his father. I sure hope she isn’t still with a jerk like that.

It made me megapissed when he tried to force himself on me after insulting me for my opinions, so the way I see it is that I had no other choice but to beat him up for trying that shit on me.

I’d gotten banned from the library for a month while he’d gotten kicked out for life. It sucks for him since I’d seen him in there a bunch, but he really should have know better than to try something like that in a public area.

It would have been a lifetime for the both of us, but thankfully for me, my brother had the smart idea to record the whole fight on his phone. It was proof that I didn’t start it and was only fighting back as self defense, seeing as how I didn’t start fighting until after he’d pressed his lips on mine. I feel gross thinking about it. I thank whatever powerful force out there that’s keeping this planet together for planting the idea of phones having cameras into someone’s head.

The lower part of my left arm is a bit sore along with my eye, and there was a hand mark there thanks to him grabbing my arm there really tight when he’d forced his mouth on mine. My knee is sore too from when I’d kneed him in the privates after he forced me to kiss him and my knuckles are pretty sore and two of them on each hand are starting to bleed from all the times I’d punched him. I’d definitely need some icepacks and bandages once I got back to my foster home.

“Robin, you’re not hurt too bad, are you?” My brother asked, ever the worrier he is.

“He managed to get a few good hits in, but nothing bad enough that I’d need to see a doctor, so you don’t need to worry about me.” I told him, pulling my hair out of my face and back into a wolf tail with one of the hair ties I tend to keep on my wrist.

It would have been a ponytail, except for the fact that I shaved the hair off of the back and sides of my head almost a week ago, leaving my red hair only on the top of my head, reaching just below my shoulders.

“Do you want to get it iced?”

“Not right now. Can I have her back now?” I asked my brother, gesturing to my beat up black and dark green backpack.

“Here you go.” He said, carefully passing the bag over to me. Opening it up, I looked at the tiny black and white dog that, at this point, was more gray than anything.

“You’re a good girl, you know that? You stayed quiet the whole time we were in the library!” I told her, playfully moving her ears around for a bit before scratching her behind them. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a zip lock bag that I used to keep dog treats for her. I let out a sigh when I saw that there was only a few left. That wouldn’t last very long with how much the tiny dog tended to eat.

“This is one of the last few, but you deserve it.” I said, handing her the treat that looked like a tiny hotdog in a hotdog bun.

My brother Jonathan and I have lived in foster care ever since our parents died when we were little. I’m the older one out of the two of us. With the two of us constantly being passed around from one foster home to another, the two of us quickly realized that the only ones we could rely on always being there no matter what were each other.

Then there’s my dog, Ellie. She’s a mix of multiple breeds of dogs and the only one I’m able to recognize is Papillion thanks to those butterfly ears of hers that look like they’re flapping every time she jumps or I go to toss her on my bed.

My mom gave her to me as my fifth birthday present when she was already two years old. She’s thirteen now, which saddens me whenever I think about it because I had to take her to the vet a few months ago to get her shots updated and they said that they only expect her to only live at least one more year, two if we’re lucky.

“Hey, since it’s nice out and we’re not really expected back for a couple more hours, how would you feel if we were to go to that pizzeria down the street?” I asked my brother, walking backwards after jumping in front of his path so I could face him while talking. If there was a car driving on any of the roads we had to walk across, he would let me know.

“The pizza there is super greasy and expensive. Also, you didn’t have any money last time I checked.” He said, stopping at a street corner. If we walked straight according to the direction he was facing it would eventually lead us back to the foster house we were staying at. However, if we went left, according to the direction I’m facing, right according to the direction he was facing, it would quickly take us to the pizzeria.

“Hey, I actually like greasy pizza! Besides, you and I both know that there’s barely anything in the kitchen back home and I’m hungry. Also, what makes you think I don’t have any money?” I asked him, holding up the two fifty dollar bills I managed to slip out of the jerk’s pockets during the fight. When I referred to the foster home as home, I didn’t mean it. It was a fact I didn’t have to say out loud because of him being fully aware of that. After all, he felt the same way about that place. “You know what? If it makes you feel any better, I’ll ask the workers there if I can have some ice to put on my eye. Does that make you feel any better?”

“You and your sticky fingers.” Jonathan said laughing, turning towards his right.

“Crappy pizza, here we come!” I said, laughing as well.

~~~~~

“Wait, so he took the sister instead?” I heard a familiar voice say, walking into the pizzeria. I tried to ignore what he said and instead, I tore off a piece of crust from the first slice of pizza I had so I could feed it to my tiny mix breed dog that I had managed to smuggle into the pizza shop by keeping her in my backpack. I twirled my finger in the air around her muzzle before poking her on the nose when she gave me a look that I recognized as her wanting more.

“Yep. Apparently she wasn’t as attractive, but she made sure to make it up to him, if you know what I mean.” I heard a second familiar voice say. I was unable to place a face with the voices, so I found myself turning around to figure out who they were.

“Oh, dear god.” I said, pulling the hood from my jacket up while turning back around.

“Rob, what is it?” My brother said around the mouthful of his pepperoni pizza.

“You see the two boys that just walked in? The blonde is the one that kicked me out of the seat and told me to go jump off a bridge because no one likes me after I had a super crappy day at school, and the brunette is the one that started to spread rumors around the school that I’m his baby mama and sell myself super cheep.” I told him, trying to stretch my hood further over my face.

“They’re the ones that did that to you? They can’t do that to you and get away with it. I’m going to go beat them up.” Jonathan said, placing down his pizza before attempting to slide out of the booth we were sitting in.

“Don’t you dare, Little John. You don’t even come close to swinging a proper punch and I’m not about to risk both of us getting kicked out of a building in the same day.” I said, moving my leg so it blocked him from sliding out any further by placing my foot against the back of the bench he was sitting on.

Little John was originally our parents nickname for him thanks to him being named after our father. With both of them gone, I try to use it whenever I see the chance. Most of the time, that’s times like this when I need him to calm down.

“Thank you. Now just finish your pizza and root beer so we can get out of here.” I said, placing my foot back on the floor and taking a bite out of my mushroom and chicken pizza when he slid back to his seat. “Chances are that they might not even notice me anyway. Hardly anyone ever pays attention to me anyway, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know that. Doesn’t mean I think it’s right. You’re one of the most caring people I know. People should be able to realize that you exist.”

“Hey, I’m notas nice as you like to make me out to be. If I don’t like someone, I like to make sure they know it and I get into fights a lot because of that.” I told him, acting like he’d managed to insult me.

“I said that you’re caring, meaning that you tend to help people out whenever you can, even if they’re not fully on your good side. Like when you were in fifth grade and ran to get the school nurse when Lillian Merlin fell off the swings and landed on her arm even though she liked to trip you every time you walked past her.”

“Boy, she didn’t just fall off the swings and land on her arm! She flew at least ten feet away from the swing set and ended slamming her arm on the ground so hard that it ended up breaking!” I said, reaching for my large cup of sweet ice tea with the intentions of taking a huge gulp.

“Hey Tom, look who’s here!” I heard the blond boy, David say.

“Please tell me they’re not looking in our direction.” I whispered to my brother.

“Sorry. They’re walking our way right now.” He whispered back.

“Screw my luck. Don’t you dare try to step in.” I said, turning to sit so my legs were outside of the booth, getting ready to stand up.

“Hey, lesbo, who’s your girlfriend?” I heard Thomas, the brunette say, actually insulting my brother.

“Well look who it is, Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber.” I said, reaching behind me to make sure I was able to reach my cup of iced tea in case I felt the need to splash it on them as I stood up. “For the record you two, that’s not my girlfriend. He’s my brother.”

“What did you just call us?” Thomas, the brunette said.

“Well, I was originally going to call you two Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, after the two characters from Alice in Wonderland. You know, those two fat twins that fought each other over stuff of theirs that would go missing? You probably don’t since it doesn’t look like the two of you have willingly read a book in your life.” I said, feeling proud at the insulted looks on their faces. That’s exactly what I wanted.

“Then I decided against it, seeing how it would be an insult to two of the characters of my favorite books since they somehow still manage to seem smarter than you. Then I decided that I could call you two Dumb and Dumber instead, after the two main characters in those two movies that came out in the nineteen hundreds, but then I decided against that too since it would be an insult to those two hilarious movies. So instead, I just decided to just mix the two ideas together.” I told them, smirking when I saw Thomas clench his fingers into fists.

“Hey, don’t you two boys start! You’re lucky I let the two of you come back here at all after breaking two tables during the last fight you two had in here!” We heard the owner call out from behind the counter as Thomas reached up to punch me in my already swollen eye.

“By now!” I called after them as they walked out the pizzeria, warning me how they were planning on getting me the next chance they get. The thing that worried me was how they were staring at my bag. I really hope they didn’t notice Ellie. And if they had, I really hoped that they weren’t planning on doing anything to her.

“Dang. That was bold of you to say that to them!” Jonathan said as I sat down.

“Yeah well, when I told you two days ago that I was done taking crap from anyone, I meant it. Now hurry up and finish your food. It’s going to get dark soon and you know how he always wants us all back before the streetlights start turning on.” I said, stuffing the rest of my pizza into my mouth, making sure to save the crust for Ellie, before moving to finish off the rest of my half of the small plate of spaghetti the two of us decided to split. The ‘he’ was referring to our foster father who is a controlling jerk while the ‘us’ was referring to me, my brother, and the other foster kids the jerk was supposed to take care of.

“Crap, you’re right!” He said, stuffing his face as well after checking the time on his phone.

~~~~~

.

“Johnny, hurry up. The street lights are starting to turn on!” I yelled back to my brother who was a few feet behind me. “Seriously. How are you that much slower than me? I’m running with Ellie in my arms and yet you’re pretty far behind me!”

“Yeah well do you think you could slow down a bit? You know I’ve never been as fast as you!” He said back to me as I was adjusting Ellie in my jacket while running. After the first couple of months of carrying her around like I do, I noticed how it was safer if I had her tucked into my jacket while it was zipped up and held her still in it than if I were to just have her wrapped up in my arms. Less chance of her falling out of my arms that way with the way I tend to run.

“Well, excuse me for not wanting to get in trouble again! I know you’re fully aware of what happened last time I got in trouble with him!” I called back to him, stopping at the next street corner so I could wait for him to catch up with me.

I reallyreallydidn’t want to get in trouble with our foster father again. The last time I missed the sunset curfew was during the school’s spring break. He’d ended up locking me up in my room until school the break was over with no food, water, or bathroom privileges. He could easily do that too, since my bedroom door handle locks from the hallway and there’s no way to lock or unlock the handle from inside the bedroom. I couldn’t see myself surviving that week if it weren’t for the fact that my brother had been willing to get in trouble himself in order to sneak in sandwiches to me via my bedroom window. Our foster father is also the reason why I have a tendency to carry my little mutt with me everywhere I go. I don’t think I would be able to take it very well if anything were to happened to her.

“Jay look, something’s going on.” I said, noticing some red and blue flashing lights coming from what looked like our street. Noticing that we stopped, Ellie popped her head out of the opening of my jacket and started barking at the police lights. She knew that for me and my brother, police lights meant nothing but bad news, so she tended to not be a fan of them because of that. I was just glad that they didn’t have their sirens on, with how they tend to hurt Ellie’s ears.

“Hush, Ells.” I said, handing her a small piece of pizza crust from the zip lock bag full of crust pieces I had in one of my jacket pockets. Thankfully, she accepted the food and stopped barking. The little glutton will do whatever I want as long as I give her a bit of food after telling her what I want her to do. Unless it’s tricks. I never did manage to teach her any.

“Sir, you’re under arrest for neglecting to take care of minors placed under your care. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of law.” At that, me and my brother took one look at each other before taking off towards the lights, hoping that the police would be reading the rights to the person we hoped they were.

It was exactly who we thought it was. Our foster father. Looks like we would be moving to another home, again. At this point, I’d completely lost count of how many different places we’ve been moved to.

With my arms getting tired from how long I’d been carrying her, I quickly but carefully placed Ellie back into my backpack.

“Miss, my brother and I are two of the foster kids he was put in charge of. Is it okay if we go inside to grab our stuff real quick?” I asked one of the female cops.

“We have the names of the foster kids he should have been taking care of. Just tell me you and your brother’s names and if I see them, you can go in.” She said.

“Robin Marie Woodson and Jonathan Daniel Woodson.” I heard my brother say from behind me. This is the fifth time we’ve seen a situation like this with all the different foster homes we’ve been placed in.

“Jonathan, you can go in. I just need to ask your sister something real quick.” She said after finding our names.

“It says here that you have a dog, yet we didn’t see any dog when we went inside. Do you know why that is?”

“Yes I do mam. She was almost killed by the foster parents me and my brother got stuck with in our first home, so I’ve been carrying her around with me everywhere I go ever since. The day they almost killed her was also the same day they hospitalized my brother. He was seven at the time and I was the one to call the cops on them. Chances are that you might be able to find that I’ve been the one to call the cops on multiple foster homes we’ve gotten stuck in and that with almost every time, you blues have found what I’ve said to be true. The other times were the times the fosters managed to hide whatever it was I was reporting.” I told her, I was trying to be polite to her, but that didn’t stop a rude tone from entering my voice near the end.

“Now if you don’t have any more questions, I better go pack my stuff.” I said walking away.

‘I wasn’t the one to report him this time, so who did?’ I thought, walking towards what’s now no longer my room. ‘Probably doesn’t really matter.’

Once I got to the room, I closed the door and placed down my backpack and placed it down with the zipper open so Ellie could walk around the room while I was packing. After making sure she managed to get out by herself, I walked over to my closet and pulled out the duffle bag I had shoved on the top shelf and tossed onto my bed, which was really just a pillow and a torn, falling apart blanket on top of an even more beat up mattress.

Hearing the mostly empty bag slam onto the bed, Ellie jumped out of fright and turned in the direction she heard the noise come from. I laughed when her ears managed to perk up even more than they already were after spotting the duffle bag as she ran over and started rubbing her sides all over the bag before wiggling all over the bed and floor. I knew from watching how she behaves over the years that her doing that meant she hated it here and was glad that we were leaving. I was glad I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

I heard someone walking towards the bedroom door as I finally managed to start pulling my clothes off some of the hangers.

“Need some help?” I heard my brother ask, opening the door. It was sort of a tradition we had where if one of us were to finish packing first we would always go and help the other finish packing after.

“Are you kidding me? I just started getting my clothes out. Of course I need help!” I said as he walked in, closing the door behind him.

“You were getting distracted by Ellie again, weren’t you?” He asked, taking some of the clothes out of my arms.

“Maaaybe.” I said, slightly embarrassed. He just laughed as he started to help me put my clothes away. Like it when I’m able to get him laughing by even the smallest, dumbest things I do. It helps me remember that no matter how crappy our situation might become in the next house, or how bad it might have seemed in the previous places, that it’s always possible for us to find ways to be happy.

~~~~~

“This is the last house I could find in the area that was willing to take in both you two and the dog. You two mess this up and I’ll either end up having to separate you two from each other or finding that little Ellie of yours a new home.” Our social worker, Jasmine Agreste said. She’d been working with us since the beginning.

“We understand, Mrs. A.” I said. I knew for a fact that she was married and had a daughter a few years younger than me from the time me and Jonathan ended up staying in her house for a few months thanks to there being no homes at all available at the time. I was actually on sort of friendly terms with her daughter, who on one occasion admitted that she sees me like an older sister.

I don’t know how I feel about her or her mom though. It’s been hard for me to trust people other than my brother. I guess I could consider us friends.

“So, what could you tell us about the person we’re staying with this time?” Jonathan asked.

“She had biological kids of her own, a son and daughter, who both ended up moving out a few months ago. She had apparently grown up in foster care herself. She just recently got approved, so the two of you are going to be the first kids she takes in.”

“Well this should be interesting.” Me and Jonathan said at the same time.

~~~~~

The house the lady lived in looked to me almost like a more welcoming version of the house the Addams Family owned in the black and white TV show. It was only a couple of miles away from the place we were now leaving, so we would still be able to go to the same schools once they opened back up once summer break was over.

“Evelyn Blanchard? These are Robin and Jonathan Woodson, the two siblings you agreed to take in.” I heard Jasmine say to some lady with graying brown hair that answered the door.

“Well in that case, welcome you two. Now, come on in you three!” I heard Evelyn, the lady that was apparently mine and Jonathan’s new foster parent say. We may be sixteen and fourteen, but that didn’t stop Jonathan from grabbing ahold of my hand with how nervous he was. Normally from what we’ve seen, if someone acts super cheery like she currently is when we first arrive then chances are that they’re hiding their real self.

“I give it a week.” I whispered into his ear, stating how long I thought it would be until she quit her act.

“I say two.”

“Now, Robin. I heard you have a dog?” Evelyn asked, heading for the direction I guessed might have been the kitchen.

“That’s correct.” I said, refusing to move from near the front door. It looked as if the whole place had been cleaned recently. I was well aware of how the bottom of my boots were covered in mud and possibly even some animal crap. I didn’t want to risk angering her if I accidentally got it all over her carpet and I didn’t feel comfortable enough to take my shoes off either. Looking over at Jonathan out of the corner of my eye, I could tell that he had the same idea with how he kept looking around nervously. It may have looked similar to the Addams Family’s house on the outside, but it looked almost nothing like it on the inside.

“Where is it?” She asked, sounding actually curious.

“She’s in my backpack. I rarely ever let her leave my side.” I said, hoping that she would be able to hear just how protective I am over Ellie.

“You can let her out of there if you’d like.” She said, coming out of the kitchen with a plate full of sandwiches that she’d placed on the coffee table before sitting on one of the two couches. I knew that Ellie wouldn’t go anywhere if it meant me being out of her site and there’s no way her paws should be dirty enough to track around any dirt, so I carefully placed my bag down onto the floor and lifted her out. To the surprise of both me and my brother, Ellie walked right over to Evelyn and didn’t growl or try to bite her ankles.

“Aww. She’s so sweet!” Evelyn said as Ellie kissed her hands a couple times before laying under the coffee table and going to sleep. Jonathan, noticing this, let go of my hand.

‘If Ellie trusted her then I guess I could learn to trust her too.’ I thought.

“Is it okay if I go grab our stuff out of the car?” I asked.

“Well, since you’r going to be staying here, I don’t see why not. Would you like any help?” Evelyn said.

“There’s not that much, my brother’s all the help I need.” I said, heading out the door. I could tell that Ellie woke up from her attempt at taking a nap as soon as I left the house because I could hear her barking even after Jonathan closed the door.

“I’m guessing you trust her?” He asked after we reached the car.

“What makes you think that?” I asked, opening up the trunk after hearing Jasmine pop it open for us.

“You were willing to let Ellie stay sleeping in there with her. That’s the first time you’ve done that.”

“I don’t trust her. Not yet anyways, but Ellie seems to like her and that’s enough for me.” I said, passing him his duffle bag before grabbing my bag and the small foam steps Ellie needed during the times my bed was more than just a mattress on the floor, and closing the trunk. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you looked at it, the only shoes we had were the ones on our feet. I liked to look at the bright side and remind myself that it just meant that much less things we would have to worry about.

“You ready to go back in?” I asked him.

“Not really. Could you let them know I’ll be sitting out here for a bit?” He asked, handing his bag back over to me.

“Sure thing.” I said, grabbing it from him. As I’d expected, Evelyn asked where my brother was as soon as she saw me walk through the door as Ellie started running her slow circles at my feet, barking at me to let me know how mad she was at leaving without her.

“He said he’s going to stay out there for a bit.” I said, placing our bags and Ellie’s steps down on the couch she wasn’t sitting on before taking my shoes off. It still didn’t feel right taking them off here, but it was better than tracking dirt everywhere. “Is it alright if I use the bathroom?”

“Sure thing. Go up the stairs, take a left, then it’s the first door on the right.”

Seeing how Ellie was following me as I headed towards the steps, I picked her up and carried her the whole trip up before placing her on the floor for the second level. I then had to wait for her to walk into the bathroom before I closed the door. If I didn’t then she would sit outside it and howl the whole time.

As I closed the door, I heard Evelyn ask worriedly if Jonathan might have ran off only for Jasmin to explain how he wouldn’t run off without me and I wouldn’t run off without him or my dog.

~~~~~

“The two of you have gone through a lot in your previous homes, haven’t you?” Evelyn asked us not long after Jasmin left. Jonathan had sat next to me on the couch as soon as he’d come in, only taking enough time to take off his shoes and place them next to mine that is.

“Now what would make you think that?” I asked, not bothering to hide the harsh tone in my voice.

“How the two of you tend to drift towards each other like attracting magnets. Not to mention the scars I see on your feet, Robin.” She said, gesturing to my bare feet. Not like I had any socks to cover them. They’d all gotten warn out beyond use a few weeks ago and I hadn’t been able to find the time to make it to the store since then.

“The scars on my feet have nothing to do with anything we may or may not have been put through. Those scars are there because on more than one occasion, I dropped plates and bowls on them thanks to sneezing not long after picking them up.” I said embarrassed because of how it actually was true. She didn’t need to know that I had some scars on my back from the punishments I’d gotten for some of the times that had happened.

“Well, in that case, I think it’s time the two of you see your rooms.”

The room she led me to must have either been her daughter’s or she had repainted it when she heard I was coming, Best way I could quickly describe it was a fantasy princess’s bedroom.

The walls were pale pink with lavender trimming, the carpet dark purple. The bed was a canopy bed with a green curtain and the blankets themselves were a pale blue with ruffles all over the edges.

“I can tell by the look on your face that you don’t like it. We could go to the store tomorrow so you can pick out stuff to redecorate it if you’d like.” She said. It was true. The only thing I could see myself getting use to was the canopy’s curtains because of them being green and because of how they looked like they might be blackout curtains. The carpet wasn’t that bad either, even though I’m not a huge fan of purple.

“The most the two of us have ever been in one place was a month. If we make it past that time, then I might take up your offer.” I said, knowing how I could easily replace the pillowcases with my own and how I could probably go to the store and get some new blankets with the money I’d taken from our previous foster father. Not like he would need it anyway, seeing as how he’s in jail.

“Jonathan, here’s your room.” She said, showing him a room not too far from mine. Well, there was a room in between ours, but I was just glad that it wasn’t on the other side of the house.

After placing down the doggy-steps and making sure Ellie would be able to get up onto the bed with the help, I walked over to the window of the bedroom I would be staying in for who knows how long and looked out. There wasn’t any bit of a roof that me or my brother could walk on to get to each other’s rooms if we’d ever gotten ourselves locked in them. I knew that the two of us would figure something out if that ever happened, so I decided to walk down the hall to see what his room looked like.

His room, to me, definitely looked more like the things he liked than my room with me. The wall was blue with white trimming, a gray carpet, and the bedding was red.

I sat on the bed and waited until Evelyn left before I laid on my back asked him how long he thinks we’d be staying here.

“You should know by know that I don’t like to think about that. “Could you tell me more?” He asked in a way that was somehow both sad and hopeful.

I knew what he wanted me to tell more of. He would always ask to hear about our parents with that tone. In fact, he’d only ever sounded like that when asking me to tell him more about them. I didn’t have that many more memories about our parents than he did, but he didn’t seem to mind. There were even times when the two of us would remember something about one of our parents that the other didn’t.

I decided to tell him how one time our dad decided it was a good idea for just me and him to go on a weekend road trip together, only for us to get a flat tire during the middle of a rain storm he hadn’t known about. It wasn’t funny at the time, but now it is to me, with all the different faces our dad would make each time someone would drive past us. He ended up falling asleep not long before I got to the end of what I could remember from that day, so I managed to carefully climb out of his bed before going back to what was my new room.

It had been a long day for both of us and it was starting to get late anyway.

~~~~~

Prologue | Chapter 2 (in progress)

[ldarchive]

oc interview meme~

The rules: Answer the following questions as your OC of choice.

I chose Ari. The thing is, Ari hates talking to reporters -- if you hit on the right topic you might get an impassioned rant out of him (see: that scene in ME2 where Shepard starts listing all the ships that went down at the battle of the Citadel), but generally he’s pretty tight-lipped and brusquely Professional. So for this meme I sorta imagined him in like a semi-formal environment where he’d be more comfortable, like maybe if one of his friends was interviewing him or something... I’ve put too much thought into this, whatever!!

1. What’s your name?

Ari Shepard.

2. Do you know why you are called that?

I never got the opportunity to ask.

3. Are you single or taken?

Pretty sure it’s common knowledge that I’m married. The krogan guests at the wedding wanted to eat the reporters, but my husband said no.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

I used to run into stuff really hard for a living. Not sure how much of a talent that counts as, but they keep putting me in the news vids anyway.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

Hey, Kaidan told me about that while we were watching Star Trek once! Really not sure I count, though. I’m just some guy. And not fictional.

6. What’s your eye color?

Blue.

7. How about your hair color?

Blond. Well, black. Usually somewhere in-between that.

8. Have any family members?

Sure, lots. My semi-successful diplomacy career did very little to prepare me for family reunions at the Alenko commune.

9. Oh? How about any pets?

We have a dog. Laika. Her adoption papers told me she’s the goodest girl in the whole galaxy. She’s a purebreed, I--we needed a dog with a certain temperament, you know, they’re very carefully vetted. But she’s not spoiled. OK, I can feel my husband rolling his eyes at me: she’s spoiled. But only because she’s earned it. Kaidan named her.

I have a lot of fish, too. They’re more high-maintenance than the dog, believe it or not. 

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like.

Uh, sitcoms. People on public transit who look at me funny. Reporters, especially if they try to bug me when I’m with my kids. Seriously, cut that [redacted] out. Distance. Uh, politicians--heh. I could go on. 

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

You know, I’m an alright cook. I make a mean pot of soup. Yukagejang is a big comfort food in my house--it’s an old recipe. I usually make a big pot for the kids if Kaidan has to go away on business, but then he’s sad because he doesn’t get to have any. Heh. I grow a lot of the vegetables myself, too.

I have a music collection, too. Physical media. Very old-fashioned, but I lost a lot of my files some years back, and some of that stuff I was never able to find again! That haunts me. There was this one Batarian band... anyway, I’ve been hesitant to add more to it because our home is slowly being overrun by a frankly unsustainable number of kids.

(Editor’s note: Commander Shepard and General Alenko have two children.)

12. Have you hurt anyone in any way before?

I beat Garrus at a sniping contest once. I don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for that.

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

I feel like answering this would violate some sort of military doctrine or Council non-disclosure clause. I really don’t need the Spectres after me - I’m married to one, and that’s bad enough. 

14. What kind of animal are you?

Well, my name means “lion.” I’ve never given that one much thought, but the recruitment posters got a lot of mileage out of it.

Something I heard a lot during the Reaper War, and the aftermath, was that people felt like caged rats. Or their culture’s equivalent. That the Reapers were treating us like filthy little vermin to experiment on and then exterminate. But, you know, I’m from New York, so I’ve always known that rats are mean little [redacted] and that they can absolutely bite back. 

15. Name your worst habits?

...I’ve been a smoker most of my life, so I guess my worst habit is that I’m too damn persistent to give up on anything.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Well, my husband is the only human Spectre. Pretty cool gig, right? Very inspiring of him.

...I think Captain Anderson was the first person whose respect I honestly wanted to earn. That was near twenty years ago, and... that hasn’t changed.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

I’m gay. If you’re trying to ask me out, formal inquires can be sent to General Kaidan Alenko, c/o the Garneau Academy of Biotics, Vancouver-- 

Kiddos, if you’re reading this ten years from now, that was a joke. Also, don’t you have anything better to do than read old interviews about your dad? Finish your homework.

18. Do you go to school?

I’m self-taught with most things. That sounds more respectable than a straight “no,” doesn’t it? I guess this is where I would I say I went to the school of hard knocks, if I was someone who wasn’t funny. Got some pretty remedial tutoring when I joined the Alliance, but that’s about it, unless you count ICT -- which, actually, yeah, I think ICT should count. 

19. Ever want to marry and have any kids one day?

I already did. Didn’t think I would, honestly, but here I am. Life takes you weirder places than you’re even capable of imagining.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

There’ve been a few. I appreciate the sentiment, but... heh, actually, no, I don’t.

21. What are you most afraid of?

I think the benefit of having survived a major war is that we have the option to not let fear run our lives anymore. That being said, I’m afraid of the usual mundane stuff. I don’t think it’s very interesting to hash out.

22. What do you usually wear?

I think I dress pretty practically. Durable clothing is great if you’re in the military or are just being assaulted by two toddlers daily. And if you buy everything in monochrome it always matches... Kaidan’s mom really hates that.

23. What one food tempts you?

Anything spicy. Spicy noodles. There’s this great noodle stand on the Citadel we still eat at, but they’re not paying me for an endorsement and I don’t want people crowding me out, so you can figure out the name yourself. It’s the ultimate hangover cure. Not that I would know.

24. Am I annoying you?

Yes, but luckily I’m too polite to say anything.

25. Well, it’s still not over!

I’ve got a hungry dog at home, you know. And two children.

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

I spent the first part of my life totally penniless, so it’s weird to say I’m towards the higher end now. It is something I try to be mindful and make good use of... it’s just nice not to have to worry about feeding or clothing my kids. Beyond that, a lot of it goes to various charitable causes. And, well, my husband’s hair gel budget.

27. How many friends do you have?

Too damn many, honestly. You ever tried hosting a party for dozens of people with dextro/levo options, biotic-proof furniture, and enough room for multiple krogan? It’s not easy!

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

You haven’t lived until you’ve tried Mom’s--Kaidan’s mom’s--apple pie. But luckily I married her son and not you.

29. Favourite drink?

Coffee and red wine. Water. Whiskey isn’t bad either.

30. What’s your favorite place?

I’m boring now, so I’ve come to appreciate quiet places and being alone. Well, alone with my family, but they don’t count.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

I would not voluntarily wear a three-piece tuxedo and invite a bunch of people to gawk at me telling a guy I love him unless I was really, really interested.

32. That was a stupid question…

Just a bit, yeah.

33. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

There’s something about lakes that still kind of skeeve me out. I’m a city boy, so I always feel like I’m going to step on a leech or something. The ocean is nice, though, I grew up on the water. You couldn’t swim in it unless you wanted radiation poisoning, of course, but it was nice to look at. The beaches here on the west coast are pretty fun and not majorly toxic as far as I’m aware.

34. What’s your type?

I guess I’ve always dug the tall dark and handsome thing. Don’t tell Kaidan that, he’s obnoxious enough already.

35. Any fetishes?

Nothing I could talk about in an article my kids might read one day while avoiding their homework.

36. Camping indoors or outdoors?

I don’t think camping “indoors” is really a thing. That’s just staying in a house. Come on, don’t say you’re going camping if you’re going to be a lazy [redacted] about it.

[kittehkillzz]

I'm awake at 3am so

1 depressed as usual

2 cloudy Apparently

3 absolutely

4 absolutely not

5 never have been

6 very

7 this body I dislike created children

8 everything

9 yes cats

10 some don't we all

11 three

12 another life, hopefully better

13 don't really have one so clear

14 I have a few times absolutely will again

15 five

16 yes

17 yes

18 yes strongly

19 ehh not majorly?

20 yes

21 the physical part of tech

22 English

23 ten near 11 years

24 watch YouTube/Netflix

25 suffer and sometimes get angry

26 usually partner, or I just don't

27 sweet all the way

28 Dr pepper

29 Chinese

30 not stuck I'm playing a shuffle playlist

31 underwear I'm at least in bed

32 night

33 should be me but I can't

34 never put complete trust in someone they will exploit it

35 I like to think I will one day

36 already have but yes to more

37 pet hair and hayfever

38 probably

39 I like red, but apparently grey is my majority

40 strained kinda

41 not giving it away

42 yea

43 at this minute I feel empty so not really

44 I'm not good at it but yeah

45 for certain things yes

46 nope fuck em up everytime

47 be a vet or sound engineer

48 I see red

49 my partner

50 fish anything

51 if I had to, legs

52 my kids, as they should be right

53 since this is random and my brain hit delete on the most recent it's gotta be when I dreamt that my ex was cheating on me

54 yes

55 depends on the day

56 respected because I'm not

57 nah, money would be good but the fame wouldn't

58 quiet and to myself

59 partner

60 sunny, a good drive to a beautiful place and just enjoy the peace and view

61 Greece

62 happiness I hope

63 no I should start

64 used to play basketball, miss it

65 used to be keyboard not for a few years now

66 nursery when I went to visit my retiring teacher with my mum, I spoke, then played with the matrioska dolls

67 flight or super speed

68 jocks or the wannabe jocks

69 being ignored

70 sixteen

71 yes

72 no

73 heights and creepy crawlies

74 no

75 both are good

76 warm or neon both

77 with sad music

78 sea lions

79 Moana or encanto 😁 I am an adult

80 oof burn I reckon, or maybe freeze is good because then I'll fall asleep and just stop

81 nervous laughter, nail bites

82 scowl and shoot things in a game

83 another language

84 eugh no thanks none

85 if it was wanted in advance, i think the person would be able to go at more peace

86 I don't like it

87 any name I give my kids because why wouldn't I love that

88 back

89 they are too scary for me considering most are high

90 dragons or elves

91 not really at first sight, but I'm demi so I gotta know them, you do you

92 my future

93 not great but let's not go into that

94 anywhere between 4 hours and 13 hours

95 short and spiky

96 twenty seven

97 punk

98 Scotland

99 yes

100 forty two apparently but I like that it's supposed to mean nothing and you make of it what you will

random asks ♡

how are you feeling right now?

what’s the weather like?

are you impulsive?

are you organised?

are you self confident?

are you sensitive?

what’s something you love about yourself?

what’s something you hate about yourself?

do you have any pets?

do you have any regrets?

do you have any siblings?

what do you think comes after life?

what colour is your water bottle?

have you ever dyed your hair/would you ever want to?

do you have any piercings/would you want to?

do you believe in aliens?

do you believe in ghosts?

do you believe in karma?

do you believe in astrology?

do you believe in luck?

what is/was your favourite subject in school?

what is/was your least favourite subject in school?

how long have you been friends with your longest friend for?

what do you do in your free time?

what do you do under stress?

who/what do you turn to to vent?

spicy, sweet or savoury?

what’s your favourite drink?

what’s your favourite cuisine?

what song is currently stuck in your head?

what are you wearing right now?

what’s your favourite time of day?

who do you trust the most?

do you trust anyone completely?

would you ever want to get married?

would you ever want children?

do you have any allergies?

do you hate anyone?

what’s your favourite colour and why?

what is your relationship with your family like?

what is your middle name?

what word do you think you say the most often?

do you miss anyone right now?

do you like making art?

do you believe in the death penalty?

do you follow routines/plans easily?

growing up, what did you want to do in life?

what is your favourite album?

what’s something you’re grateful for?

what’s a food you hate?

would you rather lose your legs or arms?

what is the most important thing to you right now?

what’s the last dream you remember having?

do you believe in soulmates/true love?

what is your favourite word?

would you rather be loved, trusted or respected?

would you want to be famous if you had the chance?

what are/were you like in school?

who’s the last person you talked to?

what would your perfect day be like?

where is a place that you’d love to visit?

what is your main goal in life?

do you exercise often?

do you play any sports?

do you play any instruments?

what is your earliest memory?

if you could have a superpower, what’d you choose?

what kind of person annoys you the most?

what is your biggest pet peeve?

what’s your favourite number?

have you ever been in love?

do you collect anything?

what is your deepest fear?

have you ever met anyone famous?

cats or dogs?

warm, cool or neon colours?

how do you deal with loneliness?

what’s your favourite animal?

what’s your favourite disney movie?

would you rather freeze or burn to death?

what are some of your bad habits?

what do you do when you’re angry?

what is something that you’d want to learn?

what’s your favourite insect?

what are your thoughts on euthanasia?

what are your thoughts on your name?

what’s your favourite name?

would you rather go back or forward in time?

what are your thoughts on roller coasters?

what’s your favourite mythical creature?

do you believe in love at first sight?

what is something you’re currently worried about?

what was your childhood like?

how long do you usually sleep for?

what hairstyle do you have right now?

if you could be one age for the rest of your life, what’d you choose?

what genre of music do you listen to the most?

where do you come from?

do you curse/swear often?

what is the meaning of life?

[mattyrambles]

14:34

It’s a Saturday, afternoon, and cloudy to the point where hazy rain is starting to fall. George and Matty are standing in the middle of a park, vastly emptying as people begin to leave and dash for cover, sharing equally dubious looks. Knowing Matty since they were kids - George knows the look all to well, as a silent plea for help. Not something that happened often, Matty was always able to handle himself, to talk himself out of whatever situation he had gotten into. George had always thought it was a gift really, even if half of what he said most of the time was pure and utter bullshit. 

In the last four years, the ‘fucking god help me please’ look, had become a lot more common, and sometimes George found he could be of use and try to help. But, today - he can only shrug, in form of ‘you’re on your own, mate’. 

The source of Matty’s disaffection lets out a shriek, followed by loud and excited giggles. Juniper. George had never thought it was possible for a kid make the exact same sounds as their parent, but Juniper’s sheeplike giggling sounds were a near replica of Matty’s. 

Matty and George were standing in front of the bench the four year old was currently sitting on, being entertained by a tailless black cat. Of which George thinks looks quite mangy and is most definitely a stray. Matty had been trying and failing to gently coax her away for the best of the last half hour. Clearly failing - no amount of bribes seemed to work, she was fixated and a bit in love. Minutes ago she had looked up at Matty, all bright blue eyes and rain matted curls, asking if she could keep him. The mangy, tailless and most probably homeless cat bundled in her arms that she had proudly emerged from the playground with less than an hour ago. It had only really taken a proper liking to Juniper, cuddling up to her and purring in content, when Matty had reached out, purrs turned to hisses. 

“She’s going to kill us.”

George doesn’t need to ask who Matty means by ‘she’ - Penelope. But he does do a double take at the ‘us’. Oh no, he was not being dragged into this. Matty liked to dump his bad decisions when it came to Juniper, onto George. Because apparently Penelope ‘went easier on him’.  

“Don’t fucking bring me into this, nothing to do with me.”

Is what he hisses back, and Matty gives him a pleading look. The rain was starting to get heavier, and Juniper was looking up at both of them with a hopeful expression. A look that he knows that Matty can’t refuse, and he has his suspicions that Juniper knows that too. Even though when he had mentioned it to Penelope before she had scoffed, ‘she’s four, George’. He said that she was underestimating her, rookie mistake. She had them both exactly where she wanted them, and they were both too blind to see it. Penelope had looked at him like he was a bit insane. 

Matty sighed heavily, shaking his head. Going in for a third time. “Darlin’, we already have Al-”

“But it’s raining and he has no where to go!” She wails, cutting him off immediately. Matty is growing impatient. George can tell from the mumbles of curses under his breath, how his hands rub over his face. 

“Juniper - we are not bringing the cat home, put it down and lets go, before you get sick from sitting in the rain. Now.”

She doesn’t say anything to that, staring up at him - pouted lips in defiance, and her jaw starts to tremble. A warning sign, tears were coming. The cat seems to sense that she’s winning - burrowing it’s way under her raincoat, Matty winces. George bites his nails. A few seconds pass before; 

“He has no where to go.” Matty repeats, defeatingly looking up at George.

“Oh my God.” 

Juniper had perked up majorly - turning off the tears as quick as they had come, once Matty gave in and said she can bring the cat home for tonight, only tonight. Tomorrow they’d bring him to the vet and then a shelter. George highly doubts that, the cat was practically already part of the family as far as Juniper was concerned. 

“Thanks for the fucking back up, you’re useless.” Matty scowls - once his daughter is out of ear shot, skipping around puddles further up the path, and blabbering on to the cat still bundled under her jacket. 

George can’t help but laugh, he still thinks it’s mildly entertaining to watch his best friend get bullied by a child. “I’m useless? Mate, I’m not the one who can’t say no to her. You’d buy her the bloody Taj Mahal if she asked.” 

“Shut up, George - it was your idea to bring her to the park, you should have said no to the fucking demon cat.” 

“Bad word and he’s not a demon cat.” Juniper pipes up, they had caught up with her. George suppresses chuckles at her vexed expression, sending glares up at Matty, he covers her ears as if it will make her unhear what he just said. “Sorry, love.” 

The rain had started to ease off - sun struggling through clouds, and George knows he shouldn’t wind up a kid but the temptation is too strong, so he ruffles Juniper’s curls and says in an offhand tone, “hey, Juni - look the sun is coming back out, looks like you won’t have to take the cat home anymore, yeah?”

Juniper gives him an almost vicious look that George can only describe as her way of saying ‘fight me’, clutching the bulge under her coat tighter, and running ahead of them until she’s a fair few feet away, glancing back at George every few seconds while whispering into her jacket. Leaving George to laugh loudly at the dramatics of it all while pulling out a cigarette, there was no questioning that she was Matty’s child. 

“You are mean, George.” But his lips twitch, not able to hold back a smile. 

“Did you see the daggers she was giving me, should’ve called her Damien. Suits better.” George continues to laugh at his Omen joke, and Matty scowls, digging an elbow into him. 

“Shut up, my kid is not the spawn of Satan, fucking hell.”

“That’s debatable, and you’ve gone and given her a minion now - only going to make her worse.” Muffled - cigarette hanging from his lips, searching pockets for a lighter, when he can’t find one, turning to Matty, who refuses to give him his. 

“No - and I’m not fucking inviting you to our park trips anymore.”

“You just said it was my idea to go to the park, but fine if you want to be like that. M’not inviting you to come over for barbecues with Allen anymore, you can stay at home with Damien and the demon cat.”

“George if you don’t-” Cutting off when nearly he trips over, Juniper. Neither of them had been watching where they were going, George busy trying to get hands into Matty’s coat pockets, in search of a lighter. Steadying himself with an array of mumbled curses, and gripping onto her so to not knock her over, the cat pokes its head fully out of her coat, eyeing Matty with distaste, and a loud disgruntled meow to go with it.

The reason why she had come to a sudden standstill was apparent, when they both follow her gaze. Two girls were standing ahead, a few feet away, an obvious stance of excitement, but waiting for them both to reach them rather than outwardly rushing to them, something George can appreciate. One of them approaches now, Matty’s name sounding among a jumbled greeting, and Matty glances back down at Juniper with a small smile and quiet reassurances while George does his bit of talking and pictures before leaving Matty to it. 

Gauging - Juniper, watching her watching her dad speaking to and taking pictures with strangers, a lot of frowning. And he doesn’t think the ordeal makes her uncomfortable or annoyed, he thinks it just confuses her a bit. The clouds starting to darken again.

“Alright, love?” Ruffling curls, she looks up at him - brow still furrowed, not dissimilar to Penelope’s perplexed expression. He chuckles, a shrug and a quiet - “I know, I don’t get it either, Juni.”  Raising one arm up to him, the other still holding onto to cat, he lifts her up despite not being happy about the cat being that close to his face. 

Small fingers - plucking the cigarette from behind his ear, where he had put it after Matty refused to give him a light. “Oi, bad for you.” He says, taking it back. 

“Daddy has them too.” She says, matter of factly, like they couldn’t possibly be bad if Matty had them too. George can’t help but smile at the innocence, knowing Penelope had been trying to get him to quit for ages now, and in fairness Matty had tried. Easier said then done, George supposes. 

“Well, he shouldn’t - just as bad for him.” 

The cat emerges from her jacket, but still content in her arms, not struggling at all to be set free. He thinks it might be a bit stupid. “Better keep them away from this one too, that’s your job now.” 

George nods towards the cat and she giggles at the notion of the cat smoking, shaking her head. “Cat’s don’t smoke!”

“No?” He teases, pretending to be shocked - bringing the hand he still had the cigarette in up to the cat’s face, and to his surprise he seems rather interested, sniffing along it, pawing at his had. “See, told you - look he’s mad for them!”

This sends Juniper into a spiral of giggles, pushing George’s hand away while pulling the cat back to her chest. Her head snapping back to Matty, when she hears her name mentioned in the middle of a somewhat dramatized story about the cat. She only smiles at this, holding out the cat proudly, towards the fans with a loud statement of, ‘my cat’. 

“No, not your cat.” Matty corrects, jaded. 

They coo and aw, whether at the cat or Juniper, George isn’t sure, and Matty tells them not to encourage her.

She's maneuvered herself up onto his shoulders by the time goodbyes are said, the three of them continuing the short walk home - George repeatedly begging her not to put the cat on his head, and she keeps insisting that he likes him.

"I don't get it!" She sighs suddenly, exasperated. She had been quiet for the last few minutes, unusual for her - obviously thinking something over. She was the offspring of two people who never fucking shut up, afterall. Matty - looking up, questioning. 

“Why do people take pictures with you - you’re just a person too.” 

A perplexed tone, George laughs quietly, and Matty shrugs,“I agree with you, darlin’ - dunno, I suppose I’m just sort of their favourite person.”

She’s content with that answer, letting it settle for a minute, George feel’s the cat’s paws resting on his head again, before he can say anything - she bursts out with;

“Who’s your favourite person, G-tree?” 

“Me, obviously.” 

Matty - without missing a beat, and George scoffs. “You wish.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Your soul is bound to me and you bloody well know it, George.” 

Rolling his eyes - “And who’s your mum’s favourite person?” 

He directs up at Juniper, more to get Matty to shut up than anything. Honestly, he was expecting her to say Matty, or herself - but when she bursts out with ‘Robert Smith’ after a hesitating for a few seconds, probably taking inspiration from Matty’s faded Cure t-shirt, jacket open now that the sun was back out, sunlight dappling. George cackles, because she was probably right, accurate. Matty laughs along with him, telling her she was dead right. 

Thanks to Penelope, Juniper already had a vast knowledge of 80′s records, and Matty still insists that she knew how to say Robert Smith and Joe Strummer before she could say ‘dad’. Something Penelope, naturally denied, and argued that, in fact, the first thing coherent thing to ever leave her lips was something that vaugely resembled Matty’s name and ‘dada’.

“Robert Smith, I’m calling my cat that. Mummy will like it.” 

Juniper says matter of factly when George sets her back on the ground outside Matty and Penelope’s house, clearly thrilled with herself, petting over the cat’s fur, perpetually puffed out. George and Matty share another look, and George shrugs. “Well, you can kind of see the resemblance.” 

“Allen’s going to disown me.” Matty sighs after opening the front door, Juniper skipping ahead of him, holding Robert Smith up Lion King style while calling out for Penelope, gleefully. 

“I think Pen might too.” 

[kayliemusing]

16

Who are you? - My name is Kaylie. I’m 22 (soon 23). I live in Canada.

What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? - I’m a writer, I love Taylor Swift lol, I always need to process things before making a decision.

Where do you want to be in 5 years? - In five years I’ll be almost 28, I think. Hopefully I’ll have some semblance of a writing career or the beginning of one. I hope I’m financially stable, in a job I enjoy and maybe in Calgary (which I’m planning to move to this year but the decision hasn’t completely been made yet!!)

Are you more child-like or childish? - Child-like, because I don’t think that’s a negative connotation. 

What is the last thing you said out loud? - “Yeah”

How do you handle a rainy day? - I love a rainy day. I like to drink hot chocolate on a rainy day and stay inside so I can just watch the rain.

What did you want to be when you grew up? - I remember wanting to be a hairdresser and I also had plans to open up a vet clinic lol. Don’t want either of those things now hahaha

Are you more of a giver or a taker? - Giver. I’ve never been called a taker so I don’t think that’s me and I love giving to others, but I’m not going to say I’m completely selfless because I think I have my moments where I’ve been inconsiderate and taken from someone.

Have you ever been given a second chance? - Yes

Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? - My decisions I think are instinctual, so I listen to my gut feeling/heart.

What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? - When I was about fifteen or sixteen, I slipped and jammed my toe into the wall/baseboard and I broke my toe nail completely off my toe and I think it was fractured but I never actually went to the doctor for it lol. I remember even the blanket touching my toe hurt so bad that I needed advil like every four hours. Eventually and grossly, my toe nail fell off and I thought it was damaged for good but I kept managing the new toe nail as it grew and I fixed it!!

Who have you hugged today? - Nobody

If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by learning, what would they be? - Singing, drawing, dancing

What 3 things do you want to do before you die? Live. That’s really about it, honestly. I feel like it sums things up quite nicely, actually.

What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? - Public speaking of any kind, anything that results in an awkward conversation or a moment of humiliation, anything that has me needing to approach a stranger/talk to a stranger/ice breakers with strangers, etc.

Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved? - No

What was the last thing you made with your own hands? - I wrote a poem a little over an hour ago

What was your favorite toy as a child? - I don’t totally remember, but I loved playing with Barbies and I had this Barbie Cruise ship and hot pink car which I used a lot.

What is your favorite thing to do outside? - I like going for walks or sitting by a firepit to relax.

How do you feel when you see a rainbow? - “Look, it’s a rainbow!!” is usually the first thing out of my mouth but I don’t know if I feel anything. I’m just kind of happy to see it and I admire that it’s pretty.

Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? - This happens to me a lot!! I kept dreaming my sister and her bf would break up and they did. Along with other smaller things.

What one thing have you done that most people haven't? - Watched my dad die 

Are you a patient person? - Yes, unless it has to do with slow wi-fi lol

What holiday should exist but doesn't? - I’m not sure but I wish there was a holiday in the summer time that was really festive because I always feel like summer is boring in the aspect that there isn’t really any holidays (because I love festive things)

What's the best joke you ever heard? - I don’t know if this qualifies as the best joke, but Jim Gaffigan gave me a laugh when he said it’s called Covid 19 not because of the year, but because of the 19 pounds we all gained during quarantine.

Is your hair natural or dyed? - Mostly natural, but I do get blonder highlights just to make a little brighter and then I of course get it toned. My hair is super brassy blonde so I like to brighten it up.

What is under your bed right now? - Old painted canvas’s from high school lol and then an old bulletin board filled with old poems and quotes I liked in high school.

If you drive do you frequently speed? - No, because I’m terrified of having to talk to a cop if I get pulled over. (I hate feeling like I’m in trouble or I’ve done something wrong, and I also hate talking to strangers because it makes me nervous)

What is the world's best song to dance to? - Shake It Off by Taylor Swift

What song was on the last time you danced with someone? - I haven’t lol

Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney, but I do like Warner Bros movies.

Would you consider yourself to be romantic? - Yes

If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? - Yeah we’d probably all die

If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole? - If Santa was real, the north pole, but for now I’ll say the equator because I feel like the north pole is a little too cold for me.

Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television? - Watching Tv. 

What do you think makes someone a hero? - Saving someone or being selfless/putting others first. 

What cartoon would you like to be a character in? - tbh spongebob

Name one thing that turns your stomach. - Caviar

What was the last thing you paid for? - Some scrubbing sponges, a journal and some leggings at wal mart.

Get anything good in the mail recently? - Yes, I ordered some colourful eyeliner pens from Colourpop and they’re beautiful

Tell me some of your greatest fears. - Spiders, enclosed spaces, loss, letting go, dying painfully, failure/not achieving my dreams, physical pain. Tbh the list is quite long.

What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? - This isn’t really that eccentric but in the tenth grade I wore these pants that were black and white stripes, however, the night before robin thicke wore the same type of pants when he performed that terrible performance with miley cyrus so when I went to school everyone made fun of me so when I got home I threw them away. 

Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet? - We used to catch water bugs as recess and bring them into the class until the teachers were like pls stop.

You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items... - Sleeping bag, flashlight, tent

List five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most. - My mom, my sister, my grandma, my best friend megan, and taylor swift of course

If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself...what would you wish for? - I wish that my mom could be financially blessed so she could cut her hours majorly and start truly living her life again, I wish that my sister could move out again for many reasons, and lastly I wish covid would end

How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in? - Nothing would make me do that because money could never bandage the scar that would be my humiliation looping forever in my mind.

Have you ever been on the radio or on TV? - I was on tv once for five seconds but it was just my legs and butt when I was walking through the neighborhood with my third grade class delivering christmas cards. Still don’t know why this warranted news coverage but oh well.

Have you ever named an individual part of your body? - No

What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden? - This is totally a random question, but I think death was a good call.

Is there anyone you trust completely? - My mom

Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye? - Yes, my dad was in a coma before I could ever say goodbye.

Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool? - Indoor jacuzzi

Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? - Not really

Would you consider yourself to be wise? - Yes

Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? - If there wasn’t a subway that would trample me, yes.

Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star? - Rock star baby

Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote? - No

Are you looking forward to any concerts right now? - Not currently, but when covid ends, I’m hoping to go to a TS concert in the future because I’ve never been.

About how many emails do you get a day? - Too many, but they’re all promotional.

Have you ever though about hitchhiking across the country? - No

Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip? - I would never hitch hike therefore wouldn’t bring anyone with me.

If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down? - Late 20′s.

Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time? - Not always, but sometimes if fear sneaks in I’ll think about it.

What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out? - Jurassic World 3!!

What's on your key chain besides keys? - I have a cute little mirror that’s a kitty!

How do you feel about endangered species? - I love them and wish there was more we could do, but I also don’t think about it a lot.

Do you like feather pillows? - Yes

What was the last CD you bought? - I didn’t get a physical copy, but it was Taylor’s Evermore album on itunes. The last physical CD I got was her folklore album lol

Would you be willing to go hang gliding? - I’m not sure what that is oops!

Have you ever taken a lock of someone else's hair? - No and I’m concerned why this is a question.

Have you ever given anyone a lock of your hair? - Again, no and still concerned.

If you had a locket what would you put inside? - Probably a pic of my dad.

What is the difference (if any) between madness and brilliance? - It’s 11 pm at night and this is too philosophical for me right now.

Write any random sentence here - Random sentence. 

Say the sentence you wrote out loud. Did anybody answer? - I didn’t say it out loud, sorry :/

If you were to hit redial on your phone right now, who would it call? - It would either be my sister or my mom.

Miracle on 34th street: which is better the original or remake? - I don’t know if I’ve seen the original.

Have you ever been in a parade? - No

Do you turn the base up all the way in your car? - No. I can go a little loud, but not vibrating all the cars on the street loud.

Do you care if what you do annoys others? - Yes, I’m obsessed with people being mad at me.

What keeps you from being happy? - Dissatisfaction with life, depression, creative-blocks,

Can you talk for one hour without using the word 'like'? - No

Why is it that a fly can't bird but a bird can fly? - hahahah this was cute. But it’s probably because bird isn’t a verb and fly is a verb depending on the context.

What websites are addictive to you? - Tumblr and Youtube

Who do you love so much that you would clean live maggots out of their garb? - Taylor Swift

Have you filled out an organ donor card? - No

How many oxymorons can you think of? - I’m too tired sorry

. How many years old is your diary/livejournal/myspace? - I don’t have a myspace or anything like that, but my tumblr is about eight years old.

Would you ever wear vinyl pants? - It’s aesthetic, but no.

What was the last thing that you printed out? - A journal entry

What are you dependent on? - My mom lol

What do you look forward to each day? - Lately, nothing, but usually reading a new book lol

What did you think of the Columbine shootings? - So sad

What takes your breath away? - Taylor Swift’s lyricism!! Like???? Also, Richard Siken poetry.

Have you done anything recently that you regret? - Eating lol

Will you ever do it again? - Yeah

Would you rather live in a world of perfection or do you like the world now? - Perfection

Is a frightening world a more interesting world to live in? - No, and that kind of opinion is disappointing

In your opinion what gives people depth and character? - Hardships, because even though they hurt, we come out differently and we’re able to look at the world differently and also appreciate things more. 

What’s the name of your favorite band? - Of Monsters and Men

Do you have an account on neopets.com? - No. How old is this survey lmao

Who is the next person you will hug? - Probs mom

Where was your last vacation to? - I think it was BC a few years ago

Where was your last car ride to? - My moms work.

Where was your last bus ride to? - I haven’t been on the bus in YEARS.

Where did you last walk to? - To the car lol

What is the worst band in the universe? - I don’t know

What is the next book you want to read? - A book called A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J Maas is one I’ve been waiting on for a long time and it’s coming out next month so that’s one I really want to read soon.

What gives you a peaceful feeling? - Soft music, worship music, laying on my couch watching game grumps, reading or journaling. Anything soft and content.

Do you ever stay up late watching infomercials? - No

Are you a light sleeper? - Not overly.

Are you a toys-R-us kid? - I was :(

Are you part of the mile high club? - I don’t know what that is

Would you rather be part cat, or part scorpion, and why? - Part cat, because i could communicate with my cats.

When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? - Me. I’m usually out before my head hits the pillow.

What is your usual breakfast? - Bagel w strawberry cream cheese or butter

How quickly are you willing to take drugs to numb pain? - Only if it feels intolerable

Have you ever had your car towed? - No

Have you ever used Kool-Aid to dye your hair? - No

Would you rather be naked and famous or dressed and non-famous? - Dressed and non-famous...

What band or singer do you believe started rock and roll? - I couldn’t tell ya.

If you had a large black vase what would you put in it? - Flowers or maybe some fancy decor sticks

Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? - I feel like I can do any. If I move to Calgary we’ll see how I do in the city, but I think I’d definitely like country and suburbs. 

Would you ever participate in a 'sock hop'? - Don’t know what that is.

What’s your age? - 23

What’s your hair color? - Blonde, but it’s a lil brassy

What’s your eye color? - Blue/grey

[patronsaintofprincesses]

Hey cutie, if you're up to the challenge, all 100 from the list with the 〜(￣▽￣〜) :)

First of all @unluckymess is the most amazing person in all of Texas I love you ilysm. Ahem 1. What are five things you want to do before the year ends? Well first I'd like to develop some structure maybe a morning routine nothing too fancy. Second, I need to buy a bike the bus is getting too expensive :0 Third, I would like to make an A in a class instead of B's and C's what is going on lol. Fourth, I would like to decorate my apartment and always have food in the fridge for friends that drop by. Finally, I'd like to settle this mess with my health insurance and be an adult. @_@ 2. What color are your pants? I'm currently wearing TMNT pajama pants so, green. 3.Favorite motivational quote? The one about John Lennon and his teacher. "I want to be happy." "You don't understand the question" "No, you don't understand life." 4.When was the last time you drank coffee? I had an Almond Joy cappuccino a couple of months ago. 5. What was the last thing you ate? An avocado and swiss cheese sandwich. 6. Favorite animal? Ooh probably an axolotl. Or snakes. 7. Favorite song? Of all time? One Step Closer by Linkin Park. But lately I've been listening to Let Her Go by Passenger. 8. Last movie you watched? While You Were Sleeping. Two Weeks Notice. Both very good Sandra Bullock rom coms. 9. Any turn ons? I've pretty much accepted that I have a thing for D/s (sir/ darling girl)and biting. Also being prettified and dirty talk. Dirty dirty. 10. Any turn offs? Physical S&M. Infantilism. Men who like being called Daddy.11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head. Antidisestablishmentarianism. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Hippopotomonstrosisquipedaliophobia. Deoxyribonucleic acid. 12. What are some meaningful movies? Robin Williams did a lot of those um I love Where The Heart Is. Movies based on books usually have some sort of nuanced meaning :p 13. Who are the 2 most important people in your life right now? Always my mum/brother and my best friend Mikachuu. 14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends? First, get a job. Second, take my dog to the vet. Third, learn some self-care darn it. Lol 15. When was the last time you read a good book? This morning! I am so hooked on Agatha Christie it is not even funny. 16. How long do you study for usually, if you study? Usually about three hours. Then I read my time away lol. 17. Do you have any nicknames? I am called San. 18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.) Happy by Clinique. It's a citrus/floral scent and Man by Pitbull. It's a woodsy?/musky cologne. 19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state? Yes! Far off exotic places like Michigan, Illinois, Oregon, Vermont, Washington, California. Whee. 20. What is something unique that you do every single day? Hm live vicariously through fictional characters21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called? Can't Hardly Even 22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone? Mikachu's birthday 23. Are you a shopaholic? Nopers. I am poor and a minimalist 24. What are some songs that always make you feel better? Linkin Park. Panic! at the Disco. George Strait. The Hoosiers. Alllll of their songs. 25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself. Reading, eating ice cream by the pint, and tightlacing. 26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in? DRAGONLAND. 27. How do you like being roused in the morning? With poetry and flowers. Also brekkie. Maybe a pun or two lol. 28. How was your day? What did you do? It was swell, I read and ate cookies and doughnuts and an avocado sandwich. Thanks how was yours? :P29. What did your last text message say? Okay good let me know how you're doing. 30. Do you respond to texts quickly? Nooooooo31. Who was the last person you called? My mother, the saint @silver9mm 😇83. Do you miss anyone right now? My brother :)84. Who do you love? Why? All of y'all. Because I want to 85. Do you like sharing? Yes of course 86. What was the last picture you took with your phone? A selfie on SC 87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens? Yeah, the universe is fucking absurd 88. Favorite genre of music? Alternative. Followed by pop, country, and rock. 89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be? San90. Describe your life in 5 words. Out. For. A. Walk. ...Bitch.91. Describe the world in 4 words. TOO MANY FUCKING PEOPLE 92. Craziest thing you've ever done? Survived 93. First three songs in your favorite playlist? These Tables Are Numbered For A Good Reason, You Just Haven't Thought of It Yet by Panic! at the Disco. The Little Things Give You Away by Linkin Park. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance 94. Are you more creative or logical? I think I'm boring beyond imagination 😇95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth? Truth. But I want to be lied to. 96. What are you most proud of? Being District Spelling Champion in 2013 97. What personality trait do you admire in other people? Charisma 98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing? Taking a hot bath in the dark listening to music reflecting on a book I just finished reading. 99. How do you usually start a conversation? Hi my name is San Juanita, I go by San. What is your name?100. What is the best news you could hear right now? My mother won the lottery !!! That was wild. I LOVED answering all of these thank you so much!!!

[certainlyawitch]

Since I ought to be doing these essays / eating before doing these essays, this seems like a good idea. thanks @strawberryeclaire

1.) Real Name: Louis 2.) Nicknames: Lou/Loulou/Loulouko 3.) Zodiac Sign: Libra 5.) Elementary School: Including infants, Four. 6.) Middle School: They aren’t really split up here but I guess two. 7.) High school: One! Somehow. 8.) Hair color: Lightish brown. I guess it’s really really dark blonde naturally in the summer? 9.) Long or Short: Medium length.. But I super need a hair cut to sort it out. 10.) Loud or Quiet: I’m loud on social media, and loud in person. 11.) Sweats or Jeans: I only own two pairs of jeans lol

12.) Phone or Camera: Who owns a camera in this day and age?* *and isn’t a photographer

13.) Health Freak: eehhhhhhhhh 14.) Drink or Smoke: Alcohol is an important part of dealing with the world. 15.) Do You Have A Crush On Someone: What even are crushes? 16.) Sexual Preference: Cuteness is justice. 17.) Piercings: Nope. 18.) Tattoos: Nope. 

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN:

19.) Airplane: Once when I was like ten or whatever. Well I guess twice since it was there and back

20.) Car Accident: I won it.

21.) Fist Fight: I was a good kid and didn’t really want to get into all those fights.

FIRSTS:

22.) First Piercing: n/a

23.) First Best Friend: Ha?

24.) First Instrument played: I guess keyboard since that’s what my first secondary school did for music class?

25.) First Award: I have no idea? Probably a sports day participation award?

26.) First Crush: No really, how do people remember these things? I don’t even remember my first kiss. I have absolutely no idea who it was with.

27.) First Language: I only speak English

28.) First Big Vacation: Ireland, again, once. Holidays are for rich people. We only went for my Aunt’s wedding.

LASTS:

29.) Last Person you talked to: Tas? Shynn? 

30.) Last Person You Texted: My Mum thanking her for keeping me up-to-date with our dog that’s been at the vets for a while now.

31.) Last Person You Watched: Huh?

32.) Last Food You Ate: a white chocolate cookie

33.) Last Movie You Watched: Fail Safe for my film essay I guess? If you count in theatres A Silent Voice which is potentially the best anime movie that has ever existed. sasuga yamada.

34.) Last Song You Listened To: I have The Laughing Salesman OP in my head if that counts? (Don’t watch the show, it’s bad. But it’s OP and ED are worth seeing)

35.) Last Thing You Bought: Food. Specifically pizza. And before that.. bread, cheese etc. 

36.) Last Person You Hugged: Tas!

FAVORITES:

37.) Food: Pizza?

38.) Drink: Midori

39.) Clothing: Cute dresses.

40.) Book: I don’t really know? I haven’t read in years. As a teen I’d’ve said Nix’ Shade’s Children, but nowadays? Who knows.

41.) Color: Pink

42.) Flower: I really should pick up a book on flower language at some point.

44.) Movie: A Silent Voice. Rivalled, perhaps, by The Adolescence of Utena. And if you are forcing me away from the wonderful world of animation The Rules of the Game is pretty phenomenal.

45.) Tv show: I haven’t watched a show on TV in over half a decade..

46.) Subject: I study philosophy.

IN THE PAST YEAR I…

47.) [ ] Acted crazy in school

48.) [x] Celebrated New Years

49.) [ ] I got majorly bullied

50.) [ ] I broke an arm/leg

51.) [x] My dog(s) / My cat(s) / Other pet(s) died

52.) [ ] Got a crossbow for hunting

53.) [ ] Cried myself to sleep about bullies

54.) [x] Saw the police

55.) [x] Done something you’ve Regretted

56.) [x] Broke a Promise

57.) [x] Kept a Secret

58.) [x] Pretended To Be Happy

59.) [x] Met Someone Who Changed Your Life

60.) [ ] Puked first day of school

61.) [x] Stayed locked in your room

62.) [x] Tried something you normally wouldn’t like, and liked it.

63.) [x] Cried Over The Silliest Things

64.) [ ] Ran the mile

65.) [x] Died inside

66.) [] Fainted

RIGHT NOW:

67.) Eating: I should be eating a cheese sandwich

68.) Drinking: I’ll grab a glass of water in a bit

69.) Getting Ready To: Die to these essays that I cannot stop working on till they’re done.

70.) Listening/watching: Nothing

71.) Plans For Tomorrow/Today:Pray for my student loan to come in then impulse buy pokemon games...

72.) Waiting For: Life to stop being so cruel.

YOUR FUTURE:

73.) Want Kids: I have no idea. 

74.) Want To Get Married: Probs not happening lol

75.) Careers in mind: Please just give me a job I can do so I can live.

WHICH IS BETTER ON A GUY/GIRL?:

76.) Lips or Eyes: I feel both are pretty standard on either model

77.) Shorter or Taller: This is a deep question, primarily predicated on the sharpness of the model you’re using.

78.) Romantic or Spontaneous: These aren’t mutually exclusive things?

79.) Nice Stomach or Nice Arms: Sensing some common themes to these questions. The original poster is probs kinda young lol...

80.) Sensitive or Loud: Who knows?

81.) Hook-up Or Relationship: I’m bad at both.

82.) Troublemaker or Hesitant: No-one my age is a ‘troublemaker’.

HAVE YOU EVER:

83.) Lost Glasses/Contacts: Yeah. Many times. 84.) Ran Away From Home: A couple of times I think 85.) Held A Weapon, For Self Defense: Sorta but also not really. 86.) Killed Somebody: No moreso than anyone else in contemporary western society. 87.) Broken Someone’s Heart: Hopefully! 88.) Been Arrested: Nah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90.) Yourself: I don’t really get what you mean by this. 91.) Miracles:  Throw dice at a wall often enough and unlikely, but patterned, results will eventually happen. 92.) Love at First Sight: This isn’t a thing that exists. At least with actual people.  93.) Heaven: Nope, but that’s just.. Like.. I don’t believe in countless things. Actively disbelieving is another thing entirely. 94.) Santa Claus: Sure, people tend to get presents at Christmas right? 96.) Magic: I made my choice. I chose magic.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97.) Someone you wanna be with right now?: Many, but I have essays to do. 98.) Are You Seriously Happy With Where You Are, In Life: Sorta but also sorta not.

[askavettech]

rainbow-cat-vomit asked:

Hey, long time follower. I'm a vet tech at a small hospital. I finished school in May and I'm taking my VTNE in April. But I keep making small mistakes and I think I might get fired soon. I'm scared that I won't find another job. My depression and anxiety fight me every day and even though I love my job, I'm doubting if I'm really cut out for it. Any advice?

Oh boy do I have advice for you! While this is not a medical question, it is a very real thing that people in the veterinary field, and any medical field, face all the time. 

If you’re doing school and taking your test, that’s AWESOME! You should be really proud of yourself! Try to focus on the positives. I know this is so easy to say but so hard to do. Trust me. I struggle with my depression and anxiety constancy. Its that nagging, unwavering self doubt that makes you question everything you do and scrutinize every tiny detail of your work. It sucks, majorly. My best advice for this is keep looking at what you CAN and HAVE accomplished. Held that dog and no one got bit? HELL YEAH GOLD STAR Ran a fecal sample? WOOHOO YOU WIN Able to get a drop of blood for a glucometer? F*** YEAH YOU’RE AMAZING

I know it sounds silly, but it really helps. My therapist always has me right out my ‘wins’ to make me realize how much I can and have done even when my brain is telling me I’m a failure. If you love what you do, keep doing it.

As for getting fired, I would talk to your supervisor. See what they want to see from you. Work on it. Again, its scary and hard to do, but if you’re able to face it head on you’ll feel better. Any clinic worth working for will be willing Small mistakes aren’t great, but they’re better than just giving up and failing. Just keep going and do your best, its all anyone will ever need.

(I’m so so sorry this is so late)