#but yea the gist is this guy was being a weirdo and mentally screwed me over

[insearchofnewdreams]

the deal of 2017

So I've been getting alot of asks as to why exactly I dont enjoy taking photos and like.."why such a hard body neg???"(in most cases) (now I've deleted these asks and I've been kinda pushing the topic to the side because I really dont like reminiscing about this shit. It's disgusting to me and going back makes me feel gross even though its technically been about three years [June of this year])

I need to learn to let things go and hopefully this will help me,although I'm sorta past the ordeal it's still on my mind now and again.

Before I go any further I'd like to give a few warnings. So if you're uncomfortable dont r e ad but uhm. There are mentions of suicide and the original topic pertains to some n/s/f/w

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. Early 2017 [after my birthday, in April] [I was 17 ]

My friends and I met a man by the name of Blake,on Twitter in 2017 upon first meeting him he was a really cool person. Our biggest interest as a group was cosplay and Batman,specifically Riddler. Over the course of a few weeks we'd gotten pretty close and [I was crushing it was a weird time for me emotionally]

Almost a month or so of being friends I came in contact with my friend[we've now been friends for almost three years,we met due to this situation] (we'll call her Nigma) Sweet girl who I see as a little sister.

I wont go into heavy detail but Blake was being accused of doing/saying nasty ass shit torwards girls. And Nigma and myself were "main targets"

We didnt believe the accusations

At first.

Nigma myself and Cam brushed everything off until four months later.

September of 2017

By this time we'd become pretty inactive on Twitter and had created a discord group.

Myself,Cam,Nigma,Blake and his girlfriend [whom of which I dont want to talk about because she's not super involved in the point of this story]

My idiotic brain had crushed on Blake pretty hardcore and around his birthday (june,july idfk) I'd confessed how I felt and that I wasn't sure what to do and perhaps it was time to cut ties incase I did something dumb.

Unfortunately that dumb thing did indeed happen. Blake had also confessed his feelings for me and took it upon himself to devise a plan as to say I was his 'personal secret'

This relationship..if you want to call it that lasted until September and in that short time span I was convinced and told it was okay to send photos of myself

[Yes,im talking about shit like nudes which I stupidly took..and sent.]

It was almost a daily thing..sending photos,videos. He'd call me at any hour of the day, almost got me in trouble a few times

Attempted phone sex and a few other things.

Two weeks into September I received a wild spam of Facebook messages from Blake,he was angry. Blaming ME for something

Not even 20 minutes later his girlfriend went off and said someone must've hacked into her boyfriend's phone,sending me photos.etc etc. You get the point

Now I'm sure at this point you're probably asking" but Aurora??? Why didn't you tell someone sooner ?? Your parents?? His girlfriend???"

I did. And that was part of the problem.

I told his girlfriend what he was doing and she didn't believe me. I sent her screenshots of our conversations and she told me I was a liar. I was too scared to tell my parents,in fact to this day they still dont know that this went down. They never will

[Now still to this day from the last time aly and I spoke to him for the FINAL time he still says he didnt send me those nudes and that it was his friend who hacked into his phone. But he WAS the one who said he loved me. Personally I still dont believe the whole friend thing but we'll leave it at that]

At the end of 2017 Nigma and I agreed to never speak of Blake again,we'd remove him from our mind (in her situation he was also sending messages but I won't share that info)

For just about all of 2018 I would receive messages from random accounts,as well as Blake's. Apologizing, asking if Nigma and I were okay,and that he needed to speak with us.

The first few times we ignored it,until late 2018 and..this is essentially how the conversation went. [These kinda aren't in order I apologize]

Basically the gist of this conversation was that he wanted to be friends again and

after dealing with almost two years of drama,anxiety,disgust,self hatred,manipulation and so on. Nigma and I both said no. We felt it was safer without him in our lives (and honestly without him it has been so much better,we havent run into any drama whatsoever)

In response he tried to retaliate and claim that I blamed him for everything, a d that I wasn't taking my share for what /I/ had done

[After the September ordeal I informed my close friends of the situation,told them what was going on. I felt really fucking bad bc I stooped so low for basically nothing.)

I hate this type of behavior I really do.

After this conversation Nigma and myself have not heard a peep not even from a random account so by that standpoint we're pleased.

But for me personally I still have moments of anxiety,I still have times where I look at myself and I get extremely uncomfortable because it reminds me of a time where I exposed myself for someone who was being a fucking creep n' that I didnt see it sooner.

Not to mention he said he was keeping tabs on Nigma and I. It creeps me out and I sincerely hope he never comes back

Sorry this is long but I hope that partially explains why I'm uh...so????????¿¿¿

Yea.