#but with our program we can make sure you can play like a professional!! for the low price of 350 dollars a month''

[saturnisfallingdown]

"how many hours a day should you practice" "how much music theory should you know before starting an instrument" "how much should you pay for lessons" you learn an instrument by fucking around and having fun. love and light

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Demon-haunted computers are back, baby

Catch me in Miami! I'll be at Books and Books in Coral Gables on Jan 22 at 8PM.

As a science fiction writer, I am professionally irritated by a lot of sf movies. Not only do those writers get paid a lot more than I do, they insist on including things like "self-destruct" buttons on the bridges of their starships.

Look, I get it. When the evil empire is closing in on your flagship with its secret transdimensional technology, it's important that you keep those secrets out of the emperor's hand. An irrevocable self-destruct switch there on the bridge gets the job done! (It has to be irrevocable, otherwise the baddies'll just swarm the bridge and toggle it off).

But c'mon. If there's a facility built into your spaceship that causes it to explode no matter what the people on the bridge do, that is also a pretty big security risk! What if the bad guy figures out how to hijack the measure that – by design – the people who depend on the spaceship as a matter of life and death can't detect or override?

I mean, sure, you can try to simplify that self-destruct system to make it easier to audit and assure yourself that it doesn't have any bugs in it, but remember Schneier's Law: anyone can design a security system that works so well that they themselves can't think of a flaw in it. That doesn't mean you've made a security system that works – only that you've made a security system that works on people stupider than you.

I know it's weird to be worried about realism in movies that pretend we will ever find a practical means to visit other star systems and shuttle back and forth between them (which we are very, very unlikely to do):

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/09/astrobezzle/#send-robots-instead

But this kind of foolishness galls me. It galls me even more when it happens in the real world of technology design, which is why I've spent the past quarter-century being very cross about Digital Rights Management in general, and trusted computing in particular.

It all starts in 2002, when a team from Microsoft visited our offices at EFF to tell us about this new thing they'd dreamed up called "trusted computing":

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/05/trusting-trust/#thompsons-devil

The big idea was to stick a second computer inside your computer, a very secure little co-processor, that you couldn't access directly, let alone reprogram or interfere with. As far as this "trusted platform module" was concerned, you were the enemy. The "trust" in trusted computing was about other people being able to trust your computer, even if they didn't trust you.

So that little TPM would do all kinds of cute tricks. It could observe and produce a cryptographically signed manifest of the entire boot-chain of your computer, which was meant to be an unforgeable certificate attesting to which kind of computer you were running and what software you were running on it. That meant that programs on other computers could decide whether to talk to your computer based on whether they agreed with your choices about which code to run.

This process, called "remote attestation," is generally billed as a way to identify and block computers that have been compromised by malware, or to identify gamers who are running cheats and refuse to play with them. But inevitably it turns into a way to refuse service to computers that have privacy blockers turned on, or are running stream-ripping software, or whose owners are blocking ads:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/02/self-incrimination/#wei-bai-bai

After all, a system that treats the device's owner as an adversary is a natural ally for the owner's other, human adversaries. The rubric for treating the owner as an adversary focuses on the way that users can be fooled by bad people with bad programs. If your computer gets taken over by malicious software, that malware might intercept queries from your antivirus program and send it false data that lulls it into thinking your computer is fine, even as your private data is being plundered and your system is being used to launch malware attacks on others.

These separate, non-user-accessible, non-updateable secure systems serve a nubs of certainty, a remote fortress that observes and faithfully reports on the interior workings of your computer. This separate system can't be user-modifiable or field-updateable, because then malicious software could impersonate the user and disable the security chip.

It's true that compromised computers are a real and terrifying problem. Your computer is privy to your most intimate secrets and an attacker who can turn it against you can harm you in untold ways. But the widespread redesign of out computers to treat us as their enemies gives rise to a range of completely predictable and – I would argue – even worse harms. Building computers that treat their owners as untrusted parties is a system that works well, but fails badly.

First of all, there are the ways that trusted computing is designed to hurt you. The most reliable way to enshittify something is to supply it over a computer that runs programs you can't alter, and that rats you out to third parties if you run counter-programs that disenshittify the service you're using. That's how we get inkjet printers that refuse to use perfectly good third-party ink and cars that refuse to accept perfectly good engine repairs if they are performed by third-party mechanics:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

It's how we get cursed devices and appliances, from the juicer that won't squeeze third-party juice to the insulin pump that won't connect to a third-party continuous glucose monitor:

https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

But trusted computing doesn't just create an opaque veil between your computer and the programs you use to inspect and control it. Trusted computing creates a no-go zone where programs can change their behavior based on whether they think they're being observed.

The most prominent example of this is Dieselgate, where auto manufacturers murdered hundreds of people by gimmicking their cars to emit illegal amount of NOX. Key to Dieselgate was a program that sought to determine whether it was being observed by regulators (it checked for the telltale signs of the standard test-suite) and changed its behavior to color within the lines.

Software that is seeking to harm the owner of the device that's running it must be able to detect when it is being run inside a simulation, a test-suite, a virtual machine, or any other hallucinatory virtual world. Just as Descartes couldn't know whether anything was real until he assured himself that he could trust his senses, malware is always questing to discover whether it is running in the real universe, or in a simulation created by a wicked god:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/28/descartes-was-an-optimist/#uh-oh

That's why mobile malware uses clever gambits like periodically checking for readings from your device's accelerometer, on the theory that a virtual mobile phone running on a security researcher's test bench won't have the fidelity to generate plausible jiggles to match the real data that comes from a phone in your pocket:

https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2019/01/google-play-malware-used-phones-motion-sensors-to-conceal-itself/

Sometimes this backfires in absolutely delightful ways. When the Wannacry ransomware was holding the world hostage, the security researcher Marcus Hutchins noticed that its code made reference to a very weird website: iuqerfsodp9ifjaposdfjhgosurijfaewrwergwea.com. Hutchins stood up a website at that address and every Wannacry-infection in the world went instantly dormant:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/10/flintstone-delano-roosevelt/#the-matrix

It turns out that Wannacry's authors were using that ferkakte URL the same way that mobile malware authors were using accelerometer readings – to fulfill Descartes' imperative to distinguish the Matrix from reality. The malware authors knew that security researchers often ran malicious code inside sandboxes that answered every network query with fake data in hopes of eliciting responses that could be analyzed for weaknesses. So the Wannacry worm would periodically poll this nonexistent website and, if it got an answer, it would assume that it was being monitored by a security researcher and it would retreat to an encrypted blob, ceasing to operate lest it give intelligence to the enemy. When Hutchins put a webserver up at iuqerfsodp9ifjaposdfjhgosurijfaewrwergwea.com, every Wannacry instance in the world was instantly convinced that it was running on an enemy's simulator and withdrew into sulky hibernation.

The arms race to distinguish simulation from reality is critical and the stakes only get higher by the day. Malware abounds, even as our devices grow more intimately woven through our lives. We put our bodies into computers – cars, buildings – and computers inside our bodies. We absolutely want our computers to be able to faithfully convey what's going on inside them.

But we keep running as hard as we can in the opposite direction, leaning harder into secure computing models built on subsystems in our computers that treat us as the threat. Take UEFI, the ubiquitous security system that observes your computer's boot process, halting it if it sees something it doesn't approve of. On the one hand, this has made installing GNU/Linux and other alternative OSes vastly harder across a wide variety of devices. This means that when a vendor end-of-lifes a gadget, no one can make an alternative OS for it, so off the landfill it goes.

It doesn't help that UEFI – and other trusted computing modules – are covered by Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), which makes it a felony to publish information that can bypass or weaken the system. The threat of a five-year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine means that UEFI and other trusted computing systems are understudied, leaving them festering with longstanding bugs:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/09/free-sample/#que-viva

Here's where it gets really bad. If an attacker can get inside UEFI, they can run malicious software that – by design – no program running on our computers can detect or block. That badware is running in "Ring -1" – a zone of privilege that overrides the operating system itself.

Here's the bad news: UEFI malware has already been detected in the wild:

https://securelist.com/cosmicstrand-uefi-firmware-rootkit/106973/

And here's the worst news: researchers have just identified another exploitable UEFI bug, dubbed Pixiefail:

https://blog.quarkslab.com/pixiefail-nine-vulnerabilities-in-tianocores-edk-ii-ipv6-network-stack.html

Writing in Ars Technica, Dan Goodin breaks down Pixiefail, describing how anyone on the same LAN as a vulnerable computer can infect its firmware:

https://arstechnica.com/security/2024/01/new-uefi-vulnerabilities-send-firmware-devs-across-an-entire-ecosystem-scrambling/

That vulnerability extends to computers in a data-center where the attacker has a cloud computing instance. PXE – the system that Pixiefail attacks – isn't widely used in home or office environments, but it's very common in data-centers.

Again, once a computer is exploited with Pixiefail, software running on that computer can't detect or delete the Pixiefail code. When the compromised computer is queried by the operating system, Pixiefail undetectably lies to the OS. "Hey, OS, does this drive have a file called 'pixiefail?'" "Nope." "Hey, OS, are you running a process called 'pixiefail?'" "Nope."

This is a self-destruct switch that's been compromised by the enemy, and which no one on the bridge can de-activate – by design. It's not the first time this has happened, and it won't be the last.

There are models for helping your computer bust out of the Matrix. Back in 2016, Edward Snowden and bunnie Huang prototyped and published source code and schematics for an "introspection engine":

https://assets.pubpub.org/aacpjrja/AgainstTheLaw-CounteringLawfulAbusesofDigitalSurveillance.pdf

This is a single-board computer that lives in an ultraslim shim that you slide between your iPhone's mainboard and its case, leaving a ribbon cable poking out of the SIM slot. This connects to a case that has its own OLED display. The board has leads that physically contact each of the network interfaces on the phone, conveying any data they transit to the screen so that you can observe the data your phone is sending without having to trust your phone.

(I liked this gadget so much that I included it as a major plot point in my 2020 novel Attack Surface, the third book in the Little Brother series):

https://craphound.com/attacksurface/

We don't have to cede control over our devices in order to secure them. Indeed, we can't ever secure them unless we can control them. Self-destruct switches don't belong on the bridge of your spaceship, and trusted computing modules don't belong in your devices.

I'm Kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/17/descartes-delenda-est/#self-destruct-sequence-initiated

Image: Mike (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/stillwellmike/15676883261/

CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

[wileys-russo]

cheeky little angst to fluff blurb for leah??

leah didn't do her acl in this because i said so insensitive II l.williamson

"-so i'll rest again for a bit in bed, go to breakfast and then i think we have our team walk in a couple hours? oh! then a few of the girls are gonna go for breakfast and to the beach tomorrow before our flights since they're later at night. the beaches here are literally insane babe the water is so blue, i'll make sure to send you some photos. i'm keen for one last taste of summer before returning to the bleak dead cold of the uk." you joked with a smile, your girlfriend humming tiredly in response.

"i'm sorry baby i'm talking too much. are you sure you're okay? you played brilliantly leah really, i was so proud of you." you softly assured, as you had been for the majority of this phone call which was really annoying the blonde more than helping her to feel better as you intended.

both of you away with your respective national teams for international break you'd both been on the phone much as you could, forever attached at the hip you missed the older english girl who held your heart terribly.

however it would appear that your break was going a whole lot better than leah's, australia coming away with an 8-0 win a few days ago and england having just lost 3-2.

your chances of qualifying were looking up whilst hers seemed in a jeopardy she'd not predicted experiencing.

"i'm fine." if you would have picked up on the hidden sharpness of her words you might have caught on and changed topics, however still half asleep you missed it, having been up very early to watch your girlfriends match.

"losses happen lee it doesn't mean you girls have any less chance of qualifying, you've come back from worse yeah? heads held high and leave it in the past, same thing you tell us all each week in red babe." you tried to comfort her only your words had the opposite affect.

with the loss playing heavily on her mind and leah attributing a large portion of the blame toward herself in defence, she felt a bitter bubble of jealousy and frustration begin to build up in her throat. and before she could think any better of it, it came out suddenly like a toxic word vomit.

"yeah well some of us have actual challenges to face to qualify. we can't all get the easy draw and piss poor low ranking teams to smash 8-0, scoring hat tricks against players with half your professional experience and no funding into their programs, can we? the entire olympics qualification system is a fucking joke!" leah snapped, a few of her team mates heads swiveling toward her with a mix of frowns and surprise at her harsh tone.

silence was all that she was met with after her little outburst, you opening and closing your mouth in somewhat a state of shock at the venomous tone from your usually calm mannered and always supportive girlfriend.

"you must be tired and your flights soon. i'll call you later before warm ups?" you asked hopefully, heart hammering in your chest. "no, i'm going into the training centre soon as i get back." leah replied bluntly, clearly not intending to watch your match as you felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

"right. well i hope you get some rest on your flight then." and with that the line beeped signaling you ended the call, leah shoving her phone into her pocket and resting her chin on the handle of her suitcase she was currently sat on.

"leah mate...that was painful to listen to." georgia winced from beside her, keira humming in agreement. "what? she's being insensative! if she knew me she'd know i fucking hate being coddled and thats all she was doing, as well as flaunting her stupid win." leah muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"is that seriously what you think?" keira questioned, eyebrows knitted together as leah only gave a small shrug. "leah." the younger girl sighed, shaking her head.

"she barely mentioned the win to you when it happened, she spoke about her hat trick maybe once on facetime that night? she stayed in to call you like normal instead of being out for dinner celebrating with her team." keira began to lecture the blonde beside her.

"do ya know what time it is in western australia right now leah?" georgia continued on, eyes wide looking at her phone as again leah only shrugged, though a hint of guilt was just starting to creep in.

"it was 3:30 in the morning there when we kicked off and she watched the entire match and then stayed up for a few hours afterwards to call you, so that she could comfort you and try to make ya feel better." georgia lectured, leahs stern gaze beginning to crack at her words.

"then you just dismissed all of the graft she put in last match and her entire teams hard work down to something they have no control over. doesn't matter who they play leah, they deserved each win." keira continued, leah taking her bottom lip in between her teeth as she sat up and rubbed her face with her hands.

"then she gets up at 3:30 to watch your game and you tell her you aren't bothered to watch hers when its at a more than reasonable time, because you're busy feeling sorry for yourself." georgia added on, yet another blow of guilt for her to swallow.

"did you think it was insensitive when we beat them in the semi final of their home world cup, and you celebrated with your team afterwards?" keira asked with a raised eyebrow.

"nah that was different! i went right to her first to make sure she was okay and tell her how proud of her i was, and she told me to go out afterwards and went out with her own team." leah defended suddenly, shut down by the looks from her best friends either side of her.

"exactly leah, so then how is that any different than her trying to console you after this loss? and then you had to go and open your stupid hot headed mouth, stick your foot in it and probably make her feel like shit before her final international match of the break, which you all but said you wouldn't be watching. how is that fair?" keira delivered the final punch as leah crumpled, head hung in her hands with a small groan.

"yeah alright alright i get it, i've royally fucked up here." leah sighed, standing suddenly and walking off with her phone held to her ear, calling you over and over as each time the phone would ring out only affirming to her that she had really stepped in it this time.

trying you for a fifth time, urged to hurry up from her team mates as their flight was boarding leah's phone vibrated with a message as again you didn't answer.

from; lover girl i need some space please, i'll call you once i land back in london x

with a frustrated sigh leah heart reacted the message not wanting to overstep, locking her phone and hurrying over to keira who was impatiently waiting to board.

she had some serious groveling to do.

~

you opened and scanned through the multiple messages from leah she'd sent while obviously watching the game, withholding the urge to smile at her running commentary and complimentary words about how you and the team played.

still quite frustrated with her and still wanting space you opted not to reply, locking your phone and tucking it under your leg as you rummaged around in your backpack for your airpods.

"you're not gonna call leah?" steph asked with a look of surprise as you settled in beside her on the bus back to the hotel, where as normally you'd sit by yourself to call your girlfriend after each match like clockwork.

"nope." you answered simply, shaking your head and tucking one knee up to your chest. "what's happened?" the older girl sighed knowingly, draping an arm over the back of you as your head came to rest on her shoulder.

through the four seasons you'd played together at arsenal the two of you alongside caitlin and now kyra had become like a family, relishing in the familiar comfort of having your fellow aussies around living in a foreign country where you hardly saw your actual loved ones.

"i think we had an argument? but we didn't exactly argue." you replied, still a little in the dark yourself on what had caused leah's outburst. steph only gave you a confused stare and nodded for you to explain further as you did so, recounting your conversation with the blonde captain this morning.

"ahhh, i see." steph nodded now caught up as you hummed tiredly, the time now nearing eleven at night. "you know she loves you very much. but we both know she hardly has a filter on what she says sometimes, and she's quite potentially the most patriotic person i know both for club and country." steph chuckled, patting your shoulder.

"norf london foreva." you mocked her accent quietly with a small smile, admittedly missing it even more now you knew you'd not be speaking to her for a couple of days while you flew.

"but thats not to dismiss how harsh she was and how that would have made you feel. i think some space is a good idea, gives her some time to reflect on why you're upset and why what she said was wrong. you gonna be okay?" the brunette asked softly as the bus pulled in outside your hotel.

"yeah, i'll be fine. it's been nice being back home and seeing all the girls again, and we're going for brunch and to the beach tomorrow. i'm just focusing on that and the horrendous jetlag we're due for once we touch back down." you groaned, steph agreeing as the two of you filed off the bus.

~

"kyra i promise you, if you so much as breathe near me for the next twenty four hours i am going to murder you." you spoke calmly, stopping to take a deep breath as the younger girl purposefully stepped on the back of your trainer again.

you loved her dearly but it was like having your own child as she'd wound you up for hours now, giving you a brief moment of rest when she'd finally passed out on the plane. but now fully awake and in her usual tiresomely hyperactive mood she'd been kicking the back of your knees out and stepping on the back of your shoes from the moment you stepped off the plane.

"leave her be! honestly mate you're so annoying." caitlin groaned on your behalf, wrangling the girl into a tight headlock and dragging her away from you as the four of you headed out of baggage collection.

"i see your personal chauffeur has arrived." you looked up in confusion as steph elbowed you, spotting leah a hundred or so metres away. "ooo she's off to kiss her little girlfr-" kyra's sarcastic kisses and teasing words were cut short as caitlin suddenly swept her feet out from under her, sending her tumbling to the ground on her ass.

"oi!" with that the two took off chasing one another around the terminal, steph kissing your cheek and telling you to call her if you needed her as she hurried off to sort your friends out, the three of them set to take an uber together.

you watched leah nervously shift her weight from one foot to another as you slowly made your way over, her face partially hidden by the hood drawn over her head. a hoodie which you quickly recognized as one of yours, a faded black australian national team hoodie from years ago.

you also noticed she had a bunch of flowers in one hand which she immediately held out to you. "hi." leah breathed out quietly once you arrived in front of her and had taken the flowers with a mumbled thank you.

"hi." you echoed back, adjusting your bag on your shoulder and shaking your head as she offered to take it from you, the two of you wordlessly making your way out of the airport and to the car park.

you dumped your bag in the boot which she opened and closed for you, sliding into the passenger seat with a tired sigh and carefully placing the flowers on the floor between your feet as leah sat beside you, starting up the car and pulling away.

"can we talk? or do you want some time to like actually sleep and rest, you must be insanely jetlagged. i can stay at beth and viv's place tonight? give you some space." leah offered, the two of you having been living together for well over a year now.

"no it's fine, we can talk." you confirmed, adjusting your position as your head slumped against the window, eyes struggling to stay open which didn't go unnoticed by the blonde beside you.

"are you sure? you look exhausted we can-" "leah i'm sure, we need to talk."

you hadn't mean to come across as bluntly as you did given your jetlag, as you saw surprise flicker across your girlfriends face for a moment before she nodded and you mumbled a quiet apology, rubbing your eyes.

"well i'll start. firstly; i am so incredibly unbelievably sincerely sorry for what i said to you love. i was tired and frustrated with my own performance not that thats any excuse, and selfishly a little jealous of your big win when we lost. which was completely unfair because i am so so proud of you in everything that you do. i promise!" leah started, glancing over at you as she stopped at a red light and you gave her a small smile, nodding for her to continue.

"you put so many hours of extra training in to prepare for the world cup and of course thats payed off and you're finally seeing the benefits. I was bitter and selfish and i lashed out at you when you were just trying to make me feel better, like always, and i am really really sorry baby." leah continued, falling silent after as you assumed she'd finished talking.

"well firstly; you were an asshole." leah winced at that but nodded, understanding her actions were to blame here.

"but i understand you were feeling poorly after a loss, i just wish you'd communicated that with me a little better and i would have left you be with your own thoughts rather than talking your ear off and probably worsening your mood." you sighed, the blonde quick to assure she normally loved you talking her ear off.

"i just felt like i didn't understand what i'd done to cause you to be upset with me, and then you snapped about the qualifying process and you weren't entirely wrong but-"

"i was! i was wrong about that. its been the way they're done for years now and its not anything you or i are ever going to have the influence to change single handedly, and i should have never dismissed the shift you and the girls put in for that win." leah was quick to clarify before apologizing for interrupting you.

"thank you. next time please just communicate with me how you're feeling and what you need lee." you smiled tiredly, your girlfriend reaching for your hand and smiling in relief when you allowed her to take it, the blonde bringing it to her mouth and placing a few tender kisses on your knuckles as she glanced toward you.

"eyes on the road thanks charmer." you smiled tiredly, leah not letting go of your hand but dropping it to rest on the middle console, her other hand expertly maneuvering the steering wheel.

the rest of the ride home was filled with a much more comfortable silence, leah thanking her lucky stars you'd been so forgiving and remanding herself over and over for ever wronging you, smiling softly at you asleep in the seat beside her.

parking in the driveway she flicked the car off, carefully getting out and softly closing her door. she grabbed your bags out of the back and hurried them inside, dropping them in your shared bedroom and rushing back to the car, leaving the front door open.

gently opening your door she caught your body as it slid out having been leant against the door, your eyes shooting open as you inhaled sharply and sat up. "we're home baby." leah advised, affectionately rubbing your flushed cheek with her thumb as she pressed a kiss to your temple.

with a tired nod you allowed her to pull you up and out of the car, walking yourself to the front door and rubbing your eyes. you stretched as you crossed the threshold of your home, squealing as leahs hands poked at the sliver of skin which popped out as your top rode up.

"hello." you latched yourself onto her the moment she closed the front door and turned, your cheek smooshed into her shoulder as her hoodie clad arms wound tightly around you. "i really really missed you." leah sighed, swaying the two of you back and forth as you relished in the familiar warmth of her embrace.

"so i can see, you've become an honorary tillie." you teased, tugging on the sides of the hoodie as your chin moved to rest against her sternum, looking up at her in amusement. "for you my girl? anything." leah promised with a soft smitten smile, leaning down to kiss you.

"leah what is that?" you spotted a piece of cardboard on the kitchen counter over her shoulder, pulling away from her right before her lips met yours causing her to frown.

"welcome home from prison!" you read out the sign with a scoff, leahs arms folding around you from behind as her chin rested on your shoulder and you felt her body vibrate with a quiet laughter.

"thought it might be a bit too soon for the joke to land right without an apology first." leah admitted, pressing a few light kisses to the side of your neck.

"mm yeah good choice. dick!" you shoved her playfully as she continued to cling onto you, spinning you around. "may i have a proper kiss now please?" the blonde pouted, puckering her lips as you smiled, shaking your head.

"well i am all for charity and since you asked so nicely." she pinched your side for the comment, pressing her lips to yours before you could say another word.

the way her lips slotted perfectly with yours would forever make your head spin, sending you into a love drunk haze of dizziness at the euphoric feeling of kissing her. the way her bottom lip would part slightly as her hand flew to the back of your neck, her tongue slipping into your mouth as her thumb rubbed gentle circles just below your ear.

her lips always soft and welcoming, her kisses calculated and thought out, making sure that with every fleeting second you could feel how deeply she cared for you. this kiss in particular was two weeks in the making, the blonde pouring into it every inch of her adoration for you with each slight adjustment and touch, her other hand resting on your waist to draw your body even closer into hers, trapping the two of you in a cocoon of warmth and love and safety.

"welcome home." she pulled away with a light smack, pressing a few softer kisses to your swollen lips before pressing her forehead against yours, closing her eyes and hugging you tightly, anchoring you in her arms like a lost ship coming ashore.

the sea of your relationship wouldn't always be smooth, but with leah at the helm and you loyal by her side the two of you could get through pretty much anything.

"it's two now baby. do you want to sleep for a few hours and then up for dinner? and we can stay up till around maybe ten to try and reset your schedule?" your girlfriend offered sweetly, warm lips pressing against the crown of your temple with each word.

"so long as you're with me i don't mind." you sighed, head falling to her chest as you squeezed her tightly, melting the older girls heart who hugged you back just as firmly.

"well you can't sleep standing up." with that she'd bent down to grab the back of your thighs, hoisting you up. "bed or lounge baby?" the defender asked with a raised eyebrow. "not the first time you've asked me that while i'm off the ground in your arms." you smirked, kissing her nose and grinning as she scrunched it slightly.

"even half asleep with jet lag you remain a cheeky cheeky girl." leah tutted with a shake of her head and carrying you with her over to the sofa, turning around and sitting down as she pulled you to sit between her legs which stretched down its length.

"can you put the golf on please?" you mumbled tiredly, shuffling so your head was resting on leah's chest, hearing her heartbeat beneath your ear as leah smiled happily in surprise at your request. "really?"

"yeah, always sends me to sleep." you continued, closing your eyes as leah rolled hers, carding a hand through your hair but doing as you asked, nails scratching at your scalp and the english captain chuckled seeing within a few short minutes you'd fallen right back to sleep.

desite the fact she actually enjoyed watching the golf much to your horror, a few holes in, she was ashamed to admit she joined you, eyes drifting closed.

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

Art Tag

Thanks for putting this together @deathclassic! and thanks for the tag @spookygingerr

Have you always been interested in creating art? : Yes from day one

What's your favorite medium to use? If digital, what programs do you like? I use digital (procreate) most often now, not sure if it's my favorite but it's easier/cheaper than playing with all the mediums I like to use and allows for a little more freedom to play and experiment

Do you create outside of fandom? Yes! I draw and/or paint almost every day in my sketchbook and I work in architectural design so I sketch ideas with co-workers/clients

Share something you haven't finished and/or never got around to posting. Ooof so this haunts me - I have always always wanted to put together a full comic, so I had planned to make a comic version of my fic In Your Love, it's ultimately too much work ... so much potential, absolutely no time

Favorite piece you've made?

Sooo hard bc my favorite piece is for a fic I did but haven't posted yet... very soon though! Until then, my favorite piece is the watercolor I did for the fanart masquerade

Draw your icon in a minute or less - hey bud!

An underrated piece you've made in your opinion

Idk, I like this one and it doesn't have very many notes

Do you do art in a professional setting?

I do a lot of representational architectural drawings - like the Gallagher House drawings I did a little while back

A piece you don't like but did really well on social media. Honestly I really like all the pieces I've done - I either give up or gaslight myself into loving them

Post an old piece and compare it to your most recent, what are the similarities?

Honestly my style changes all the time but my skills have been pretty consistent so theres not going to be anything shocking

Have you ever collaborated with another artist/s?

I've only collaborated with a writer and created art for our gallavich summer camp bunk - which was really really fun

What piece has the most notes? Are you surprised?

Not super surprised, I think it's pretty lovely

Who/What is your favorite subject matter? I love making art that coincides with the fics that I write! after thinking about a scene or world or vibe for so long while writing I want to put it down on paper visually

Show us something not from fandom you've made There's so much, idk have some watercolor buildings, I'm too lazy to curate anything

Where do you like to create? At my table or couch, I don't usually draw out and about for some reason idk why

Do you have a tag that you use to group your creations? Tell us so people can follow it. No but all my art can be found here

Give yourself a shoutout, where can we commission/buy/follow you for more pieces? I don't take commissions or sell pieces, but follow me here on tumblr and you can probably talk me into drawing something you have in mind

tagging: @burninface @matt404b @deedala @doshiart

@heymrspatel @creepkinginc @suzy-queued

[ziesbunz]

NCT Legacy Challenge [ver 2] | part two

Inspired by lilsimsie and alwaysimming's not-so-berry challenge and sims-himbo's Barbie Legacy Challenge, I give you the K-pop collaboration idea that comes from combining the large numbered group NCT and our beloved Sims 4 Legacy gameplay.

Make sure to use the hashtag #NCTLegacyChallenge, so I can catch a glimpse of what you're making on various social media platforms and in the gallery.

For easier access, here is the link for the Google Docs of the challenge

You can access the FIRST part here

Here are some of the basic rules of the challenge:

Play on a short lifespan this is to make sure that we get through all 25 generations of this let’s play.

But if you want to play on a normal life span please refer to the normal life span rules [to be updated!]

This legacy is patriarchal, meaning only male sims can be the heirs of this let’s play.

The firstborn son would be the recognized heir.

All skills and careers should reach level 7

Unless stated otherwise 

All aspirations must finish the third level

Unless stated otherwise.

All generations should start with 2,500 Simoleons

Unless they are set to inherit the previous sim’s wealth.

Auto aging should be on even for townies.

You may opt to, but are not required to:

Edit your sims to look like the NCT members

Edit their names to be the same as the generation

Live in different lots per generation (if moving is not a requirement)

Follow with a mid-life crisis situation and change paths as long as you've reached level 7 of your career.

ISFP | Taurus

The beach life, mystical parent, and an overly active father– like a cooking pot for the birth of an introvert like him. Growing up in a town that was so close knit it was impossible not to walk through town without getting stopped. Exhausting conversations seem to outweigh the gorgeous scenery that your father has always adored. Now maybe all you want is the silence of your own apartment in a town where people don’t really mind never seeing you–

traits: loner, geek, genius

aspiration: computer whiz

career: tech guru -- start up entrepreneur

skills to lvl 7: video gaming, programming

additional requirements:

Move to San Myshuno as a young adult

Attend all festivals in town

Whoever invites you to the romance festival is your spouse (+ get married on the spot)

Collect 50% of the posters in the area.

ENFP | Gemini

The city life was just as exciting as you can imagine. The festivals and people light up your soul. This was exactly the life you want moving forward. People knew who you were and it was hard to deny your presence in this part of the town. It was as if even before you graduated high school people knew you were bound to represent everyone in the city.

traits: self-assured, squeamish, insider

aspiration: friend of the world

career: politics -- politician branch

skills to lvl 7: charisma, research & debate

additional requirements:

Remain in San Myshuno

Proper trait only comes once you turn in a young adult

Finished the admired icon teen aspiration

ISFJ | Leo

A powerful father seems to have been your personality when you were in school. In a similar manner, but unlike your father, you were a little more– academically excellent. You weren’t naturally smart, more of a hard worker. Whatever it is, it has helped you land that job in the medical field– just a step closer to the surgeon dream you always wanted.

traits: overachiever, perfectionist, erratic

aspiration: friend of the animals

career: doctor

skills to lvl 7: photography, fitness

additional requirements:

Have three cats

Luna

Lucy

Luke

Showcase your cats to simstagram pets once a day

Visit the gym once a week

Spouse must be a gym trainer

Turn them into a professional athlete later

INTJ | Libra

To say that you were spoiled growing up would not be a lie. Your parents were a doctor and professional athletes, it was as if hard work and competitiveness ran through your blood like it was natural. Maybe it was natural. Your desire to work hard and competition seems to have led you to one speedy sport– equestrian! 

traits: loves outdoors, adventurous, horse lover

aspiration: championship rider

career: part-time -- influencer

skills to lvl 7: riding, violin

additional requirements:

Move to Chesnut Ridge as a young adult

Previous generation’s wealth is inherited

Own a horse {either adopt or CAS] and max out the friendship

Own at least 2 small goats, a llama, a cow, and at least 2 chickens

Get gold for the Ranch Animal Day event.

ESTP | Sagittarius

 Your father’s racing career seems to have always been the center of conversations at your dinner table. Somehow, this has escalated to your complete absorption into your father’s competitive spirit. It didn’t really come as a surprise that you wanted to be a professional athlete– and after trying nearly every sport under the sun during high school, you settled down to the one you seemed to like the most– basketball

traits: active, insider, ambitious

aspiration: extreme sports enthusiast

career: athlete -- professional athlete

skills to lvl 7: fitness, bowling

additional requirements:

Previous generation’s wealth is inherited

Must have a complete basketball court in your background

Must have your own home gym

Visit the hospital for every sickness that you are feeling.

Create a basketball club and earn 2000 club points

INFP | Aquarius

People around you wonder how your father gave birth to such a shy son. As much as you adored the spotlight that unconsciously came with your father’s fame you seemed to like being all alone with the stars and the sky– wait! This sounds a little too familiar, doesn’t it? But unlike your ancestor, you were a little too scared to actually fly in a rocket.

traits: good, loyal, socially awkward (alt. romantically reserved)

aspiration: the curator

career: scientist

skills to lvl 7: gardening, handiness

additional requirements:

Complete the elements collection

Create a ‘den’ that’s only for your collection and private get away.

Be good friends with at least two of your co-workers

Create weekend hangouts with the two of them

One of them will be your spouse.

INTJ | Taurus

A shy father gives birth to a shy son—not really. Maybe because he had always been so comfortable in silence you were often in charge of leading conversations in the house. This led to you becoming a talented realtor and now the owner of a complex you were renting out. Your social personality and natural leadership traits made you the perfect owner—or that was your goal.

traits: overachiever, loves the outdoors, ambitious

aspiration: five star property owner

career: part-time -- manual labor

skills to lvl 7: wellness, handiness

additional requirements:

Build a complex where at least four other families can live (+ you must live in the same complex)

Must have a functioning electrical box & water heater in the property

MUST live in Tomarani

Must ONLY have five TOTAL revolts from tenants

Your spouse must be a tenant.

ISFP | Cancer

People said the way your parents met was the epitome of romance or a rom-com plot. It was hard not to be so filled with love growing up, from your parents to your neighborhood, that proved to you that you indeed need a village to raise a child. Your love is bursting from within and you can’t help but share this love.

traits: lovebug, childish, child of the village

aspiration: serial romantic

career: romance counselor -- matchmaker

skills to lvl 7: romance, piano

additional requirements:

Must live in Ciudad Enamorada

Must meet spouse through Cupid’s Corner.

Must earn three gold dates

Spouse and your relationship should be steamy

Must have at least three children

ESFJ | Aries

You have been a performer since the day you were born. If you could be an idol in this game you would have, but that isn’t the case. Instead, you’re in the entertainment career at the center of the spotlight—where you belong! But there was just something more, you dream of perfect tranquility and balance and maybe the stage isn’t the only place for you to shine.

traits: dance machine, practice makes perfect, loyal

aspiration: zen guru

career: entertainer -- musician branch

skills to lvl 7: dancing, wellness

additional requirements:

Stream yourself playing the guitar until you reach notable newcomer.

Complete the Zen Guru aspiration.

Must meet spouse at the Spa.

Attend a yoga class three times.

ENFP | Cancer

Your kind, gentle, and affectionate nature made kids drawn to you. It just fits perfectly with your historian-obsessed interest and your desire to teach history to young kids. Yet you know well that reading and research aren’t enough to satisfy your curiosity. Thus, most of the small income you get from teaching is spent in researching at Selvorada.

traits: good, vegetarian, lovebug

aspiration: archaeology scholar

career: education -- professor

skills to lvl 7: archaeology, research & debate

additional requirements:

Complete the fossil set

Visit the Selvorada and finish exploring the temple.

Visit Selvorada at least thrice.

Meet your spouse at Selvorada.

Optional: Make your house look like Selvorada.

ENTP | Leo

Your extroverted father has always made sure that you were always part of some community. It doesn’t come as a shock to you when you move to a city that has the perfect space for community. Except, it wasn’t really what you’d imagined it to be. You make it your goal to finally create the perfect space for you to finally relax in.

traits: clumsy, recycle disciple, outgoing

aspiration: eco innovator

career: civil technician -- green technician

skills to lvl 7: fabrication, gardening

additional requirements:

Move to Evergreen Harbor.

Turn on eco-footprint.

Must live by the docks and turn the eco-footprint green.

Retire as soon as you become an elder.

ENFP | Scorpio

You finally complete the last of the legacy challenge. Just as your ancestors have always wanted, you pursue something you’re interested in–baking! Your goal was to make everyone in the world discover your baking skills and acknowledge that maybe bread was better than rice (?) 

traits: cheerful, goofball, slob

aspiration: market magnet

career: self-employed -- bakery owner

skills to lvl 7: baking, comedy

additional requirements:

Complete aspiration.

As an adult buy a retail and sell your baked goods there.

Have more than 50,000 simoleons for the retail before your generation ends.

If you want to continue playing your spouse must be a regular.

You may choose not to marry and have children

END!

By this part you've gone through 25 generations of the sims and has gone through every member of NCT.

For easier access you can access the Google Docs here

Looking for the first part?

Part One

[inevitably-johnlocked]

What is something you wish more people understood about you or if you prefer about your job or hobbies?

Hey Lovely!!

Ahhh, oh gosh SO much, honestly.

So I'm a graphic designer by trade, and an illustrator and freelance designer as my side gig, and my hobbies are art-related as well.

FOR SURE, I have to say that I wish people respected designers as the creatives we are. I've GENUINELY had clients who think all I do is hit a "design ad" button and BOOM it's done, and don't think they should have to pay me because – and this is ONLY because I've been doing this for 20 years – I can finish a print ad in under an hour, and booklets under 5, not taking into account the AMOUNT OF CHANGES and STUPID things I have to talk people out of to not make them look bad.

Some other things:

Microsoft Word is not a design program. I HATED this when I worked at the Paper. Good fucking LORD the amount of times I've had to rebuild an ad because the client couldn't resize it themselves and couldn't understand why if they moved something everything fucked up is astounding.

Canva is good for mocking up design, but I'm sorry, you're NOT a designer if you learned design in Canva. I know it sounds gatekeepy and pretentious, and I am sorry about that, but even with Canva you need to know SOME principles of design to get something appealing out of it. A designer, after-all, MADE your templates you're working from. We're everywhere. We're a silent bunch that's under-appreciated. You're never going to get the precision and nuance and a proper eye that you'll get from a designer. Sure you'll get quick and dirty designs, work fine for socials, but I LOATHE when people send me shit they made in Canva that I have to, once again, rebuild because they can't figure out how to resize in Canva and complained to me that Canva isn't making it look nice when they export it (to be fair, that's a them problem, the tools ARE there for you to do that stuff)

When your designer tells you one thing and you're trying to push for another, your designer is trying to save you the embarrassment of your "vision". We know what we're doing. We spend most of our days knowing market trends and what will make eyes go to your advertisements and products.

Strokes don't fix everything.

I can't read your mind. PLEASE, if you wanted an element there from the start, you need to tell me, and not tell me I'm a fucking moron who should have guessed by the blobs you drew on a napkin as your layout.

Fuck AI; I see the benefits of it for smaller things like content aware fill to add a bit more height to a stock photo I'm using, or the smart-select to route a photo faster, but literally that's all I see useful for it.

I know there's loads more I'm missing, but I've seen SO much that I'm numb to a lot of things and tend to just "autocorrect" stuff without even thinking anymore.

I love my job though, I really do. The joke in my industry is that "I get paid to play in Photoshop all day long" and there is some truth to it after doing this for nearly 20 years. But I wish people would understand that we are trained professionals who want to make them look good, and to do that I need time and money. We are literally background characters for the main protagonists, and the pay isn't great unless you're really lucky (which I am, but it took me 12 years to finally get in where I am), and I wish people would stop saying my job is easy.

It literally is not. Think of it as retail, but you deal with the same people every single day nitpicking the tiniest things over and over again despite you telling them countless times that 6pt font is probably the smallest you should go, but no 3 pt must be on this ad.

Anyway. 🙃

My favourite though is Layout Design. I love designing the booklets and mailers we do at my job, because I get to be super creative. My boss is pretty lenient with me, since "you've been here longer than all of us, you know better than me how this works", so I get to have fun.

Thank you for this question :) And gonna promo myself here, if anyone ever needs design or layout services, I'm your gal :)

[iatrophilosophos]

Socialized medicine in the US is a partial solution to the myriad of problems with western medicine at best.

Western medicine is theoretically speaking the application of the scientific method to the human body, right? So it seeks to isolate "variables" in the name of "objectivity". Another word for variables here is context. And you just can't in a real way separate context from an individual's state of health; something medical professionals are VERY MUCH AWARE OF (see: shit life syndrome for one example) that exists in tension with both the current regiment of distributing healthcare and with the foundational mythos of western medical knowledge formation.

Western medicine is also beholden to the rest of the world. In places in the US where medicaid is actually relatively accessible, for example, you still have shit like racism and sexism and transphobia and ableism impacting care people get. And I understand that like, when people talk about their ideal socialist utopia, there's mechanisms in place that deal with social oppression; but I want you to think about just how big a project uniform care actually existing would be.

So in our current world, another obstacle to Making Medicine That Works is legality, especially re: the drug war. Very useful, known, well-studied substances have documented properties making them extremely useful or potentially useful for a variety of medical treatments (examples: THC for everything from gut stuff to emotional support; LSD for crohns and potentially diabetes; good old opiates and opiate-related-chemicals for chronic pain, some cases of depression and a subset of the experiences often diagnosed as schizophrenia and/or ADHD): but prohibition prevents application or further study (even for chemicals like THC that are legal in some states, if any program that receives federal funding is involved, can't use it! Fun right?). But sure, we can waive that one aside to and say that universal healthcare will also mean a total end to prohibition. That'd be cool!

So now that we've magicked away these problems, we have uniformly available healthcare that's getting better every day because all the social, legal and financial limits on medical exploration have been taken away. What do we have?

Well aside from a system that's gonna die with the rest of industry any time from next year to a few decades from now, still heavily dependent on plastics and factories and worldwide shipping and coerced labor in other countries, we still have a hierarchical structure where prescriptive knowledge is generated by centralized institutions who's abilities and members are dictated by governmental legislation and that inherently cannot see or account for the context of various people's bodies and lives and thus still limits the ability of disabled and mad people to explore/access unapproved/not-yet-approved treatments. But no, we can magic this one away too, obviously in the ideal socialized healthcare, everyone's needs will be accounted for so we'll have decentralized community medical exploration! And we'll use existing holistic healthcare tools and make more to account for individual people's context! And nobody will be subjected to coerced labor or nonconsensual treatment! And we'll find ways of creating medicine that are locally feasible, don't require global industry, and are resilient against climate collapse!

...so we no longer have contemporary western medicine (or civ, for that matter). Cheers!

But wait! There's more! You can live in this brave new world RIGHT NOW! what do you do with ur time, huh? You play video games? I bet you've put a lot of time and effort and skill-building and resource accumulation into it! Maybe you're poor as shit like me and have figured out emulators and pirating or talk to other people who share your interests about how to access them or you're into indie games! That is cool and meaningful! Maybe you like music! Maybe you like fiction! I bet you know a lot of lore/specifics/techniques/etc related to SOMETHING! maybe it's birds! Idk you but I am absolutely positive that there is SOMETHING you know a lot about that you have figured out how to know in a way that's accessible to you and applicable to your life. Maybe it felt easy, maybe it was really hard, maybe you did it because you want to, maybe you did it because you had to, maybe it's a really big topic, maybe it's a small one, maybe you can think of it right this second and maybe you'd have to ask some friends to point it out to you. Whatever it is, whoever you are, YOU HAVE BUILT A KNOWLEDGE SET AND YOU CAN BUILD ANOTHER ONE! You can start learning about the medicine that is applicable to your life right now. Go read the Wikipedia page for some medications you have around! Or for some ingredient in a food nearby you don't know what is! Or one you do know what is! Figure out a question about it! Google that question! Keep googling! Read some studies that come up and then search all the words you don't know and keep looking until you understand them! Look at you you're doing it! Keep going! This is how it starts!

Medicine exists in the same world we do and we can take it for ourselves and make it better!

[httyddragonfox]

Owl House Finale Headcanons

According to Dana in the Post-Hoot, our headcanons can basically be canon at this point because she's not in charge of the story anymore. Okay, challenge accepted!

First of all, the boiling isles is now a democracy. Led by several powerful witches, but they have to be voted in. So Raine would be partly in charge, probably Darius and Eberwolf, maybe Mason, Hettie, Osran, etc, but definitely not the jerks Adrian and Terra.

Second, although Dana said Hunter and Eda don't know about the Caleb, Evelyn and Clawthorne connection, that doesn't sit right with me. So like my fanfic dictates, eventually they might make a deduction, but not a sure conclusion that Hunter is related to the Clawthornes. Even if they don't for sure recognize the fact, they will eventually come to see Hunter as family and he will have Clawthorne as one of his last names (Until he marries Willow).

Third, Alador instantly starts his work on sigil removal gloves. Several people didn't seem to have one in the epilogue, but it seemed like they were celebrating that kid getting his removed. Alador must have gone through many versions of the unbranding glove, and this one wasn't the one to blow up or something...?

Lastly, some Hexside Head-canons!

lots of more students start taking mixed tracks nearly immediately. I mean, we saw it in the epilogue, but I think as one of the final "screw you"s to Belos, lots of students just start practicing other magics.

The Hexsquad are some of the most popular students at the school, for saving the Boiling Isles and everything.

Gus becomes the reinstated president of the Human Appreciation Society. He has a lot more knowledge to share with the group. Many people in the group keep asking to go the human realm, now that they have a working portal. Before they can even think of going however, Gus grills them with pop quizzes and disguise tutorials to help them fit in with the Human Realm and not stand out too much.

Hunter enrolls into Hexside. Like Luz, he doesn't have a normal way of casting magic (seeing as he has a palisman magic implant), so like Luz he takes a bit of everything. He struggles with some offensive magic, (construction, elemental, etc) but he excels at teleportation. He doesn't cast spell circles that much like Luz. Meanwhile, Luz is happy to have someone in the study course as her.

After some time at the Owl House, Eda realizes Hunter has a dream of carving Palismen. She tells her Dad, and thus he shows him the ropes. He becomes an apprentice to Dell.

Hunter takes some time to carve his own Palisman. He most likely waits until after he's nearly completed his first year of Hexside. After carving Waffles, he no longer struggles, and he's twice as powerful as when he had Flapjack (cause twice the palisman magic, ehhh).

Hunter and Willow become an item a few months after defeating Belos.

For Hunter's last and only two years of Hexside, Willow and Him become Grom King and Queen. Willow's biggest fear is him dying and her being unable to save him. Hunter's biggest fear is Belos returning and attacking everyone he cares about. Hunter and Willow have their own version of the Lumity Grom dance. The last Grom Hunter goes to is where Hunter and Willow share their first lip kiss. (If you haven't noticed, I believe their relationship will be taken slowly.)

Hunter graduates with Honours from Hexside, and takes a full time apprenticeship with Dell instead of going to University. Hunter already knows what he wants to do and this is the best way to achieve it.

Amity also opts out from University after graduating, instead taking a real apprenticeship with Lillith.

Willow also opts out of University, instead pursuing professional Flyer Derby playing.

Gus graduates early, also with honors, and becomes a TA at the University for Wild Magic. He starts an exchange program with the Human Realm and teaches side courses about the Human Realm and it's historical connection with the Demon Realm.

Other Headcanons.

Not that Gus couldn't be Bisexual, but honestly I thought him Matt wouldn't be a thing. I think blushes equal crushes, and Matt and Gus don't blush around each other. Heck, Matt has shown interest in Celine and the little sister "Roka," and Gus has been blushy around Bria, but not Matt.

As for the couples, I'm not sure if Raeda is married in the epilogue or if they eventually get married. They might just be content with living with each other romantically.

Lumity will wait until Luz is finished University until they get married.

Huntlow will probably wait for the marriage until Hunter is near mid 20's.

Lumity and Huntlow will start having kids around the same time.

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #146

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily (haven't missed one yet!) and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please like and reblog if you enjoy - the notes keep me going!

He's gonna be Frank with you. Read the rest of The Frank Program here on Tumblr!

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back to the new-and-improved Frank Program! I'm Frank, over in the corner is my wonderful son, Daryl, and today our guest is a personal hero of mine, star athlete David Helper-Cummings! Welcome to the Program.”

“Good to be here, Frank, good to be here.”

“Be honest with me, David, you'd rather be competing in the Olympics, am I right?”

“I'd love to be able to compete in the Olympic Games, no doubt, but it just wasn't in the cards this year. Maybe next time.”

“I really do think you're good enough to win gold.”

“Thanks, Frank, but there's just been too much happening in my life lately. The affair, the divorce, I mean, you've heard about all that stuff. It's no secret. I can barely play right now. My short game is in the toilet.”

“You've still got the most impressive drive I've ever seen!”

“Sure, sure, I can still get the distance, but there's too much on my mind. I slice the crap out of it every time. It's really throwing me off.”

“Well'n, forget all of that. Let's talk sports in general. I'm really curious to know what ya think about some controversial topics.”

Daryl closed his eyes and shook his head.

Frank continued. “David, what's your take on transgenders in professional sports?”

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

“You know, men who make themselves look like women so they can get trophies.”

“Doesn't seem to me that a real man would do such a thing. That's downright embarrassing.”

Daryl spoke up. “That's not how it works. There are very specific requirements for -”

“Daryl, will you shut the fuck…” Frank caught himself and cleared his throat. “Daryl, you don't even like sports. Stay out of it. Ya got no business talking about things you don't understand.”

“But you don't -”

“Shh! Anyway, David, it's real and it happens. There was a boxing match between a woman and a transgender, and he beat the shit out of her in one round!”

“That's awful.” David scratched the side of his head. “Can't believe they'd let that happen.”

“Actually, Dad, neither of those women is transgender. The one everyone thinks is trans just has long arms.”

“You're too damn gullible, son. You believe everything you see online? I know more about this than you do.”

“Oh yeah? What are their names?”

“Huh? Who cares about their names?”

“Did you even watch the fight?”

“Pfft. Ain't nobody got time for women's boxing! Hahaha!”

Frank put his hand up for a high five and David quickly slapped it, but realized that might not be a good look.

“Uh, for the record, I respect women's sports. I rescind that high-five and would like to apologize to all the women athletes who were offended by it.”

“Aww, come on, Davey, have a little backbone! You got no spine, man, that's why you keep slicing!”

“Hey, I take offense to that, okay? I love women.”

“No kidding,” Daryl muttered under his breath. Frank glared at him.

“Alright, alright. Forget that topic. I've got another question for ya, David, if that's alright?”

“Yeah, uh, sure.”

“Do ya think we ought to have a separate basketball league for Whites?”

Daryl put his face in his hands and groaned. David looked at his watch and pantomimed shock.

“Oh, damn, Frank, look at the time! I gotta be going. I got a divorce hearing in a few minutes.” He got up from his seat and patted his pockets to make sure he didn't forget anything. “I'll see you around, okay? Alright.”

David Helper-Cummings was out the door before Frank could even react.

“What the hell?”

“You gotta stop making guests uncomfortable, Dad.”

“I didn't make him uncomfortable! You got him thinkin’ about PC and woke! It made him nervous to say what he wanted to say.”

“I couldn't let you spread misinformation…”

“Why the hell not? It's my show, boy.”

Daryl crossed his arms. “You want me here, you gotta treat me with respect. And quit lying.”

Frank sighed. “Whatever you say, your highness. Anyway, folks, this has been The Frank Program. Thank'ya much for letting me be Frank with you.”

[urbanventures]

Meet Our Summer Interns at Urban Ventures!

Did you Know Urban Ventures' offers paid internships to college students each summer?

The Urban Ventures internship program offers an on-the-job experience for interns to apply their skills, majors, and interests in meaningful ways in our community.

By integrating into our various programs, these young leaders develop practical skills and professional confidence. Their fresh perspectives and enthusiasm are valuable in enhancing our services and outreach efforts, directly impacting the lives of those we serve.

We'd love to introduce the great team of interns that have been serving our neighborhood this summer. Below, you'll find bios written by each of our interns, offering a glimpse into their backgrounds, interests, and their positions.

MAREN BEATY - Academic Support Intern 

Who are you and where do you go to school?

“My name is Maren Beaty, I go to Bethel University, Majors: Elementary Education and Spanish.”

What is your intern role?

“I am the Academic Support Intern, so I will be involved with Summer Ventures, helping plan and organize many different things. I will also be working with students and providing support in classrooms.”

Why Urban Ventures?

“I chose to intern with UV because it was the perfect place for me to get experience with both of my majors. I have also volunteered for the after-school program in the Fall of 2022, and that was so much fun that I wanted more!”

What was your first impression of Urban Ventures and what are your goals?

“My first impression of Urban Ventures is that I am impressed! UV does so much for the community and I am excited to join them in serving. My goals with this internship are to expand my ability to relate to and connect with people that come from different backgrounds. My future career goals include becoming a teacher and using Spanish in some capacity, I'm just not sure exactly how yet.”

Outside of work, what do you like to do for fun?

“For fun, I enjoy spending time with friends and family, being outside, baking, and listening to music. I also love to travel, and I spent the spring in Spain studying abroad and traveling around Europe. Some fun facts about me are that I love dogs, I love sweet treats, and I can clap with one hand! My favorite movie would have to be Tangled.” 

SOPHIE CLAUSEN - Enrichment Intern 

Who are you and where do you go to school?

“I’m Sophie Clausen, University of Minnesota-Twin Cities, English Major and Art Minor.”

What is your intern role?

“Enrichment Intern. Currently working on preparing activities and materials for Summer Ventures/when the kids come to program. Once the kids come, I will be working on enrichment activities with them (art, music, sports, etc.), as well as planning, preparing, and organizing.”

Why Urban Ventures?

“I wanted to work in a nonprofit this summer because I had previously interned at one last summer and loved it. I would love to work in the field of nonprofits in the future and I connected with the Urban Ventures mission.”

What was your first impression of Urban Ventures and what are your goals?

“Everyone here is so kind. Genuine kindness and compassion as well as always being readily available to help or listen! Everyone that works here is a wonderful person and so coming into work warms my heart. I would like to see more about how a nonprofit works as well as learning about working with children and education. I will be graduating soon so getting work experience and being in the field are all great experiences for me!”

Outside of work, what do you like to do for fun?

“I love anything to do with art, particularly music! I play bass in a band so I love jamming and making bass riffs and playing with my bandmates (or anyone really). I also love reading, writing, drawing, listening to music, and swimming! My favorite experience so far is getting to know who I work with and my teammates! I love talking with them and seeing their awesome personalities!! My favorite book is Annihilation!”

LIVIA WOOLDRIDGE - Farm Intern 

Who are you and where do you go to school?

“Hello, my name is Livia and I am a summer intern on Urban Ventures' Farm! I go to the University of Minnesota where I’m studying Plant Science with interests in horticulture and sustainable agriculture.”

What is your intern role?

“So far on the farm, we have spent time tending to our plants, leading field trips, and harvesting our early season crops.”

Why Urban Ventures?

“When I was looking for a summer internship, UV’s farm caught my eye because of its location in and near the city and the large number of people it supports and serves.”

What was your first impression of Urban Ventures and what are your goals?

“After my first few weeks as an intern, I’ve really seen the outreach UV does from an inside perspective, especially with the field trips and interacting with youth in the community. Combining my love of plants, the outdoors, and connecting with others has made my experience so far very special. My favorite moments so far have been connecting with the kids who visit the farm. I am so inspired by their curiosity, silliness, and joy! After the internship, I plan to finish my degree and pursue a career that supports my values relating to plants, nature, and community. Being an urban farm manager is my dream, and this opportunity is preparing me to reach that goal.”

Outside of work, what do you like to do for fun?

In my free time, I love to camp, hike, swim, read, and make art!

RILEY CHRISTENSEN - Farm Intern 

Who are you and where do you go to school?

“I’m Riley Christensen, University of St. Thomas 24’ B.S. in Environmental Science.”

What is your intern role?

“As a Farm Intern here at Urban Ventures, I work on daily gardening tasks such as watering, preparing beds, planting, weeding, and mulching as well as leading field trips on the farm with students from local schools. I also assist community members in picking out fruits and veggies at our summer farm stand”.

Why Urban Ventures?

“I chose to intern at UV because of the intersection between environment and community. Growing sustainable foods in an urban setting provides us with a unique opportunity to get people involved and learn about where their food comes from.”

What was your first impression of Urban Ventures and what are your goals?

“My first impression of UV and the farm program is that families and community members are excited and grateful for what we are doing, making our work feel rewarding and important. Seeing families come through the farm stand eager to get fresh produce and share recipes with each other has been a special thing to experience. During my internship I hope to gain experience in teaching children about plants and gardening as well as gain knowledge in how farms and gardens are designed and managed responsibly. I hope to continue my career in sustainable agriculture by making connections at UV and with our community partners. Since starting my internship at UV, I have also been expanding my cooking skills as a way to better connect with the foods that we grow. My favorite experience so far has been getting to know the chickens, particularly feeding and holding them in front of groups of young students that come to the farm. Growing up in the cities I did not get to see what day to day farm tasks look like, so it is exciting to me that children in the UV community are able to get this experience.”

Outside of work, what do you like to do for fun, and a fun fact?

“Some of my favorite things to do in my free time include biking and playing guitar. My favorite TV show that I’ve watched recently is The Bear.”

HANA ALANAZI - Farm Intern

Who are you and where do you go to school?

“My name is Hana Alanazi. I am a St Thomas university graduate. I have a bachelor's degree in Public Health and a minor in Data Analysis.”

What is your intern role?  

“As a Farm Intern at Urban Ventures, my role involves a mix of farm work, youth engagement, and community interaction. I am responsible for planting, cultivating, and harvesting vegetables at our 5-acre farm in Lakeville. Additionally, I facilitate garden-based field trips for K-8 grade students and organize events for families at our 1-acre garden in Minneapolis.”

Why Urban Ventures?

“I chose to intern with Urban Ventures because of its strong commitment to community health and education. As a Public Health graduate with a minor in Data Analysis, I was particularly drawn to the opportunity to apply my knowledge in a practical setting that directly impacts under-resourced neighborhoods. The Urban Ventures Farm and Nutrition Program aligns perfectly with my passion for promoting healthy living and my desire to work with diverse communities.”

What was your first impression of Urban Ventures and what are your goals?

“My first impressions of Urban Ventures have been positive. Right from the start, I felt welcomed and supported by the team. The organization’s dedication to educating children and building a healthy community is evident in everything they do. The hands-on work in the garden and on the farm has been incredibly fulfilling. It’s amazing to see how our efforts directly benefit the community. Working with the kids and families has been a highlight for me. Seeing their excitement during garden-based field trips and events is inspiring. I’m grateful to be part of such a meaningful mission. During my internship, my primary goal is to create a meaningful impact within the communities we serve. I am eager to deepen my understanding of sustainable agriculture and to inspire children during field trips about healthier eating and sustainable practices. By being a positive role model, I hope to demonstrate potential career paths in agriculture that they might not have considered before. Looking ahead, my career aspirations are rooted in understanding community needs deeply and developing evidence-based programs that enhance people's lives positively. Drawing from my background in public health, I aim to contribute to initiatives that address health disparities and promote holistic well-being.”

Outside of work, what do you like to do for fun, and a fun fact?

“I enjoy painting and playing pickleball, which provides an active outlet. I love traveling and have had the opportunity to visit nine different countries, broadening my appreciation for diverse cultures. One of my favorite experiences so far has been seeing the excitement on kids' faces during our garden-based field trips. One fun fact is that in 2022 alone, I was on 22 flights, traveling to various destinations.” 

ABBY LARSON - Farm Intern 

Who are you and where do you go to school?

“My name is Abby Larson. I am currently a student at St. Thomas studying biology.”

What is your intern role?  

“At Urban Ventures I am working as a Farm Intern. So far, we have been learning a lot about the farm's operations which have included harvesting lettuce, planting cucumbers, hosting field trips, and hanging out with the chickens.”

Why Urban Ventures?

“I chose to intern with Urban Ventures because the farm program intersects many of my interests such as agriculture, nutrition, and education. This internship also provides a great opportunity for me to get to know and serve my community.”

What was your first impression of Urban Ventures and what are your goals?

“My first impressions have left me in amazement at the vast programming UV offers and the care the staff has for one another. The environment of UV and the people in the community have been incredibly welcoming and great to be with. I am very excited to continue learning and cultivating on the farm! From this internship, I hope to gain knowledge in small farm practices and confidence in my ability to grow fruits and veggies! I also hope to gain skills in bringing the farm experience to those in our city. As far as career goals, I hope to one day teach science.”

Outside of work, what do you like to do for fun, and a fun fact?

“In my free time, I enjoy cooking new recipes, reading, and spending time at the lake fishing and paddle boarding. I have recently taken an interest in making coffee! My favorite drink is a decaf maple latte.”

NISSA ALI - Marketing & Communications Intern 

Who are you and where do you go to school?

“Hi, my name is Nissa Ali. I am a rising junior at the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities. I am majoring in Strategic Communications with a concentration in advertising and public relations”

What is your intern role?  

“I am the Marketing and Communications intern at Urban Ventures. I work with the advancement team to help enhance our social media presence and assist in developing communication strategies to reach the amazing Urban Ventures community!”

Why Urban Ventures?

“I chose to intern with UV because I am passionate about learning more and expanding my knowledge on communication and marketing.”

What was your first impression of Urban Ventures and what are your goals?

“My first impression of Urban Ventures was so positive! The whole team is so welcoming and supportive, and the work environment is dynamic and inspiring. I feel privileged to contribute to such meaningful projects. My goals for this internship are to hone my skills and develop more skills in marketing and communication. Even though that sounds broad, I’m still learning and I have so much love for strategic communication and community engagement, and this internship combines both of them!”

Outside of work, what do you like to do for fun, and a fun fact?

“Outside of work I enjoy exploring new coffee shops, traditional dancing, and practicing my drawing skills! A fun fact about me is I have three beautiful cats, two are twins named Zola and Zora and their new sister Banu. My favorite movies of all time are the Spiderman Marvel movies, specifically Spider-Man: Into the Spider Verse.” 

GISSELL MARTINEZ - Youth Mentoring Intern 

Who are you and where do you go to school?

“Hello! I’m Gissell Arevalo Martinez. Alumni of Concordia College in Moorhead and studied Psychology at Concordia.”

What is your intern role?  

I’m the Youth Mentoring Intern. Currently in Summer Ventures working with high schoolers and teaching them the Peak Performance course. The work involves making bonds with youth and finding ways to support them emotionally and spiritually.

Why Urban Ventures?

“I joined Urban Ventures because Urban Ventures is home, it's family.”

What was your first impression of Urban Ventures and what are your goals?

“My first impressions of Urban Ventures are that I had a brief knowledge of Urban Ventures growing up. I knew it helped multiple communities and my parents. I love youth work. It is hard work and very much needed. It is super fun! One of my goals is long lasting relationships. I hope to gain more fun new experiences with others alongside. I hope to continue to work with communities.”

Outside of work, what do you like to do for fun, and a fun fact?

“I love to dance. I often say that I came out dancing in the womb. I taught Zumba for some time, and still love it when I get a chance. I love arts and crafts. I love starting a new craft. Something fun I did was hiking for the first time just this past Friday!”

Thank you for supporting our internship program and the bright young individuals who are helping to drive our mission forward.  Consider donating to support programs like this! Click this link: https://urbanventures.org/donate

[twilightmalachite]

2×2 - Children on the Streets 8

Author: Akira

Characters: Yuuta, Shinobu, Nagisa

Translator: Mika Enstars

"Ughh, anyways! I’ll complain about this stupid program’s direction later. For now, we gotta do the job required of us to do!"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Spring

Location: Chinese Restaurant

The next day, inside Chinese restaurant ran by Master, the Aoi brothers’ benefactor…

Nagisa: …Yesterday, we received a strange message from the missing Anzu-san, along with a package.

…To summarize, it was about how the bad guys were going to attack this restaurant today.

…The identity of these bad guys are a mystery, however. But we have been given weapons as a means to oppose them.

Yuuta: Yeah. That’s what was inside the package Anzu-san had mailed us, right?

But what is this, a water gun? This isn’t child’s play, I don’t see how something like this can hold up against something like real thugs…

Shinobu: So that’s why, this is probably all part of the program, de gozaru.

This is staged, a fun event to give the show a boost, de gozaru!

Even though it was supposed to be an “Experience Living On The Streets”, we ended up living comfortably here—

Yuuta: Meaning extra production was put in to liven up the program.

Nagisa: …I think it was an appropriate change. We would have become exhausted if we had stayed like that.

…I’m a little relieved, though.

…I suppose that means the reason Anzu-san and Hinata-kun disappeared is due to this extra production.

Yuuta: Although we don’t know exactly why they did, that does seem to be the case. Especially since the police don’t seem to know why either, when I reported it to them.

Good god. And here I was worried because he disappeared without saying a word. Wish he at least would have explained himself!

Well, I knew it, anyways! ‘Cuz there’s no way Aniki would disappear without my permission!

So of course it was just part of the program, some surprise prank!

Shinobu: Even though you were utterly pale with panic yesterday, Yuuta-kun. ♪

Nagisa: …Yeah. It was painful to watch.

…Hinata-kun really is an important person to Yuuta-kun, isn’t he?

Yuuta: Y-You’re wrong! Forget that! I don’t know what got into me yesterday!

Shinobu: Even if we forget it, it was all filmed crystal clear yesterday, so—

It’s possible it will be used in the broadcast and remain in the viewers’ memories forever, de gozaru!

Yuuta: Gah, I’ll have to hound the program’s production team to make sure that doesn’t happen! I can’t have a lifetime’s worth of shame eternalized on film!

Shinobu: Fufu, but on the other hand, there’s been rumors of a rift of sorts between 2wink due to your unusual behavior, so it might be effective in dissipating those suspicions, de gozaru.

Like, “Whaaaat, he says a lot, but he really does love his big brother, doesn’t he?”

Yuuta: No! You misunderstand! Nooo, I don’t want to be reduced to a cheap plot like that!

I can’t stand reflecting the world’s ideal that “it’s only natural twins and siblings are close! ♪” anymore!

Shinobu: Well, I do understand how it can be tough to have ideals imposed onto you, de gozaru.

It wasn’t as much the case for me, but… Everyone else in RYUSEITAI seemed to be having a hard time with expectations of the ideal “ally of justice” being imposed onto them.

Nagisa: …It is an idol’s job to live up to expectations.

…I too follow Ibara’s direction and act like I am a top idol, even if it is unbefitting of me.

…Prior to only a few years ago, I was among the many other people who didn't even know the basics of being an idol.

Yuuta: Ughh, anyways! I’ll complain about this stupid program’s direction later. For now, we gotta do the job required of us to do!

We’re professionals!

Shinobu: It’s a little funny in a backwards way, de gozaru, but you’re right.

According to Anzu-dono’s explanation, the job required of us to do is what is called a siege battle—

We protect this restaurant, which has become our precious home, from assailants, de gozaru.

Yuuta: And we’ve been given weapons to do that, huh? Well, water guns.

Nagisa: …So we just need to shoot whoever attacks us with these?

…Ibara likes these. It’s one of those “survival-games”, right?

Yuuta: It’s reminding me a bit of zombie movies. It’s like a classic case of barricading yourself in something like a shopping mall and fighting off the monsters that attack you, isn’t it?

Shinobu: Most zombie movies end with total annihilation, so this is a slightly ominous analogy to make, de gozaru…

Personally, it reminds me of the siege battles of the Sengoku period, so I’m getting kinda excited, de gozaru!

Loyal ninjas would put their life on the line for the sake of their lord—Hehehe! ♪

Nagisa: …There are even shuriken for weapons, in fact.

Shinobu: Ossu! This must be a message from Anzu-dono giving me approval to fight as a ninja, de gozaru!

Hehehe, Anzu-dono always makes my dreams come true…♪

Yuuta: It’s not really a shuriken, more like a shar-shaped water balloon. Doesn’t it seem like it’d be hard to use? Won’t it just be easier to shoot with a gun instead~?

Shinobu: No! This is a playful performance for the program, here I shall put romance first!

Nagisa: …Oops, it looks like our time is running short as we’re talking.

..It’s nearly the time that Anzu-san has predicted for the attack.

Yuuta: In the end, Aniki never returned, huh? According to Anzu-san, it seems like he's with her, but…

Stupid Aniki, what is he doing… Well, I’m relieved to see it was a staged disappearance, and not some sexy scenario or anything like that.

Lately, I don’t know what Aniki’s thinking, it makes me uneasy from time to time.

Nagisa: …Fufu. I have a feeling that Hinata-kun may be thinking the very same thing.

[ ☆ ]

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[mickemz01]

Hey. Totally not returning a favor or anything this is definitely for no reason at all yep mhm. Do you want to tell me about photo editing.

Photo editing means a LOT to me because most people don’t realize how much really goes into it. Call me crazy, but I WILL be in my local mall staring at every advertisement poster I come across figuring out the editing techniques used. Are the highlights too high? What about the whites? Have the shadows been raised to provide more detail to the darker parts of the image? Does the subject pop out from the background the way they’re supposed to? Could a masking layer help this in any way? Unfortunately, this is not a words thing, this is a visual thing. 

You did not ask for photo editing advice, but I will serve it to you anyway. 

A lot of these terms and advices are all referenced from my experiences with Adobe Lightroom, since that is the main program I use. 

Highlights + Whites– The most basic things I first learned when it came to photo editing was to always lower the whites and highlights in a photo. By lowering the brightest points in the photo, you get a more professional feel, as all the colors are in closer relation to eachother. And in fact! In movies, there are no parts of any shot that are complete, pure white. They are always dimmed. They are always a dimmer off-white, because that’s how you achieve that cinematic feel to a movie. The same goes for photos! This was just a good rule of thumb for a while me, until recently when I figured out that it really does add a level of professionalism to the entire photo.

Shadows– RAISE THEM! Reasonably, of course. But we want all the information we can get in a photo. It’s really shocking how BIG of a difference it starts making when you have more information in the darker parts of an image, how much it really brings the photo together.

Blacks– For more professional, contrasty photos, I usually leave this alone. But if you want to achieve a more film-like look, raise them slightly! Just keep in mind that the higher you raise them, the more flat your image may end up looking (If you play around with it, you’ll see what I’m getting at with that).

Masking– One of my favorite tools so far that I’ve discovered.  Again, this mostly pertains for Adobe Lightroom. I use this for a large percentage of my photos. One thing that’s super super important is making sure your subjects stand out from their background. I don’t own a light reflector, so one of the ways I do this is by creating a subject mask (often for portraits), and in that mask, turning the subject’s shadows up, lighting them properly. Of course, an actual light reflector would absolutely work better for lighting the subject rather than a digitally processed way, but if you’re lucky with lighting outdoors, you shouldn’t be able to tell that it’s done in post.  In some really strong cases, I’ll create a background mask to turn the exposure down on what is NOT the subject, so we can assure that that is still what our main focus is. 

Saturation + vibrancy– I rarely ever touch these settings. They tend to adjust all the colors in an image, when my main point of editing is to bring out certain colors, and not other. Hell YES I want my subject’s shirt brought out against the blues of the sky. I also want some of the sky brought out! But not entirely. These settings will bring out the color of the shirt plus the blues of the sky, plus the reds in the subject’s skin that make them look like they really need some medical attention. I never really touch these settings. They do too much for what I want . 

Curves– I’ve heard this described as “the most powerful tool” you can use in photo editing, but it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to get the hang of how to use curves properly.  What I learned is that the curves chart is always divided into three sections: the shadows, midtones, and highlights. And there are four charts, one for gamma (general brightness), red/greens, green/purples, and blue/yellows. Curves are FANTASTIC for when there is an overarching single color in a photo. Is your photo too blue because you were shooting in the morning shadows? Adjust the curves chart (probably around the center, or the midtones area for general color-correction coverage) towards the yellows. Because of color theory, they obviously counteract eachother. If it’s mostly the shadows that look a little too blue, you can adjust the curves chart in the shadows portion to bring the shadows back to matching the rest of the image. I did not master the curves charts by fiddling around with them myself, I had to be shown how to use them, but they sure have benefited me for the better

Are you a beginner without the money for fancy programs like Lightroom? I got you. Lightroom Mobile IS INFACT FREE! But that’s not what I started off with. I did a lot of my editing on mobile for the longest time. I used Snapseed, a free mobile app for photo editing. The organization is… questionable. It really takes a lot of time to learn how to get around the app, and learn what all the options do. But like I said, organization of things within that app? Questionable. But even then I got compliments from professional photographers on my photos taken and edited with nothing but my phone. Crazy to me 2 years later, but. Anyways! Snapseed does give you more options for specific editing styles than Lightroom does, so there’s that! 

Thank you again for the ask, photo editing is something that brings me so much joy every time I have the opportunity to do it <3 

[junebugwriter]

Imposter Syndrome and the Transgender Experience

A personal account of a common occurrence

“Look to your left. Now look to your right. You see all these people?” asked my university dean at orientation. “Each one of you that is in this room right now has earned it. This isn’t a prank, yes, you actually are qualified to be here. We didn’t make a mistake. You are NOT impostors.”

This was the first thing that I heard upon entry into the Ph.D. program at my university. I thought at the time that this was a very kind thing to hear, for a class of people (academics) who in general often feel that they are out of their depth. I know I certainly needed to hear it. I thought I had blundered my way into the program, fooling everyone with my academic knowledge. Sure, I had wanted to be a Ph.D. for years, felt called to teaching, felt that I knew that I would be well equipped for academic life—but how are THEY sure about it? How do I know they aren’t just lying to me? How do I know they aren’t just humoring me, the class joke whom they trained wrong on purpose, as a prank?

I, of course, should have listened. I should have internalized it. I should have grown enough self-worth in my core that could withstand such anxiety. Yet still, 5 years on, and I still wonder how the hell I managed to fool everyone. Sure, I aced my classes, aced my comprehensive exams, and am in the revision phase of my dissertation, but none of that means that I actually am qualified to earn that Ph.D., right?

You see how silly this is. How narcissistic it is in practice. I am not the star of the Truman Show. I am not the center of the universe, the fool upon which the whole of humanity is arrayed against in mockery and jest.

Nobody cares enough to do that to a person. Nobody at all.

You are not an imposter. People aren’t fooled. Your identity is valid.

I have been thinking about this recently and decided that I needed to put some of these thoughts on paper, partly as a therapeutic measure, but also because I think I’m not alone. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling like an impostor, thinking that everyone else has it all figured out and I’m the lone monkey that’s going to gum up the works with my incompetence and buffoonery. This isn’t just about professional impostor syndrome, either. No, that was simply an entry point into the thing that has got me wound up: my feeling like an impostor, and my gender identity.

Chief Clown at the Gender Circus, I Am Not

I am very new to all this, to be honest.

Allow me to begin this by saying that I am not an expert in gender, gender studies, or anything like that. My academic focus is on the field of theology and ethics, with a smattering of disability advocacy mixed in there; diving headfirst into the gender pool is an enterprise that frankly terrifies me. I am quite new to discussing gender and gender identity. For a matter of fact, I am new to the idea that I even have a gender with which to discuss! It is woven into the fabric of our society and relationships that, in all honesty, most people don’t even consider gender expression a thing worth dwelling on for any longer than it takes to look at oneself in the mirror and say “Yeah, that’s about right. I’m okay with this whole thing that I have going on.” Most people do not experience gender disparity or gender variance within themselves.

So how do you go about seriously discussing gender with most people? And how do you express the concept, for most of your life, you feel like there is something wrong with your identity in a way that doesn’t make you sound crazy? That you’ve been playing along to a game that has been going on far longer than you’ve been alive, assigned a role that you might be ill-fitted for, and expected to live up to that role whether you enjoy it or not?

If you can imagine how that feels, you are doing better than most people. From birth, you are given a role based on whatever biological arrangement your body appears to be, and if it doesn’t clearly do so (like for our intersex siblings) sometimes, a doctor performs surgery so that it does more neatly align with the binary.1 For most people, this is an unspoken social contract. Humans love binaries and categories, and putting things in boxes for handy storage. The problem is that life in its infinite complexity rarely conforms to boxes and neat categories. Ask any biologist, they will tell you that taxonomic systems rarely obey the dictates of scientists. Humanity is no different, and being human, we exist in endless and varied gradients of being.

But enough waxing poetic. The problem for me, and for many who are trans, is that the role we were assigned at birth doesn’t fit right. Either our “biology”2 is at odds with our identity, or we simply don’t align with either end if the binary. Some go as far as to say they are agender, or even inhabit multiple genders! Presentation, identity, and gender are not necessarily bound by a biological component, and once you get to the point that you can accept that truth, you get to be in for another surprise:

That was just the beginning.

The Deeper End of the Gender Pool

What I have said thus far is but a taste of the kind of reality that I and my trans cohort inhabit. Additionally, not every trans person is an expert. I’m certainly not an expert. All we have is our minds, the words that might help us express our identities, and the common understanding of the experience of gender variance. (I haven’t even read Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble yet, but I promise it’s on my reading list.) Yet, no matter how long you live out and proudly as your true self, one question still lingers in the mind of just about every 3trans person:

Am I trans enough? Am I really trans? Or am I just fooling myself, and everyone around me is playing along to be nice?

It’s a question that haunts me. It’s the fear of being found out, a fear that has existed in the back of our minds since birth. Why? Because all our lives, we HAVE been impostors, just the other way around. I was an impostor of a “man,” fooled into thinking I HAD to be one, and then got conned into trying to live up to that role. I’ve been fooling everyone ever since! Oh, you think I’m a guy? Even though I don’t really think like a guy? Or act like a guy? Just because I had a beard and a deep voice, and because my genes got washed in testosterone during adolescence, that does not make me a man.

Manhood is a strange thing to me, because it never seems to have a clear definition. There are stereotypes of manliness and manhood, and those tropes and stereotypes are rigidly enforced by society, but at the same time it felt like the rules kept changing, kept moving out of the way each time I tried to connect with it. Manhood was a concept that felt like mercury to me: liquid, elusive, and potentially toxic.

Yet womanhood? Femininity? Well. That’s something else entirely.

Femininity was the threat, and the punishment. The label that was foisted upon those who could not sufficiently perform “manliness.” It was the constant taunt by both child and adult alike in my youth. “Come on, boys don’t cry!” “Stop being such a girl!” And so forth. I don’t care to reproduce all the slurs that usually followed after such taunts and jeers. They inevitably came anyway.

Transphobia and homophobia might as well have been in the very air I breathed growing up in Texas. Internalizing that transphobia was the natural result of that, along with heaping amounts of shame and guilt. Shame for not being able to inhabit my gender correctly. Guilt for letting down my peers, as well as the adults in my life. I internalized the shame and guilt to such an extent that at times I feel like nothing but a shame factory, unable to process the joy that life can offer.

After I began this process of coming out, since my “gender epiphany,” I’ve slowly begun to find joy and euphoria. A lot of it was buried underneath decades of shame. Yet despite the still-extant mountains of guilt in my psyche, coming out has allowed me the agency and ability to start digging my way out of it. Tiny pinpricks of light have burst into the darkness that was my life, and I owe that to me figuring out that my gender and my sex were at odds. The things that gave me joy were not allowed for me when I was under the impression that I was a man.

I simply wasn’t a man, and no amount of insisting I was one would ever change that interior variance of being.

But could I ever really be a woman?

Now that’s a very different prospect.

20,000 Leagues into the Closet

We live in an era now of unprecedented and violent transphobia, and I picked a hell of a time to figure out that I am trans. Trans people used to mostly be a curiosity, a quirky subset of the queer community. Now, though? As more people learn what trans people are—or THINK they learn what trans people are as filtered through the transphobia lens—the more danger we are in. And it’s hard not to internalize this transphobia all the more.

“Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I think that I would ever be able to call myself a woman? What makes me think I can change myself enough to reflect who I am inside? For people to see me as I really am?” The questions dig deeper and deeper, that voice of shame and guilt grows louder and louder. “Who do you think you are? What makes you so special that you can put on makeup and a dress, take hormones, and grow your hair out—do you think any of that gives you the right to be a woman? You’re just a fake. An impostor. A freak in a dress, who is doing it just for the attention and amusement of yourself.”

“You will NEVER be a woman.”

And there it is. The most potent weapon in the transphobe’s arsenal. The thing they parrot constantly at any kind of gender variant person, specifically transfeminine people like me. You will never be the thing that you are inside. You have a sickness, a delusion, and you are a danger to yourself and others. You are insane, and we shouldn’t humor this kind of behavior.

The thing I have to say to this winding, twisted rhetoric that burrows into my skull is this:

Who are you to say what I am?

Who are you to say that I cannot be the person I am on the inside? It’s not like you were humoring me much when I was pretending to be a man for 35 years. All I got for the bulk of that time was “man up!” I was always more comfortable around women than men, I was never “one of the guys” and everyone kind of knew it already! Hell, I was an Eagle Scout; I got an awarded rank for being the best boy! Yet still, masculinity eluded me. So why try so hard to be something I clearly am not, when femininity is something that comes so much more naturally to me?

It does, too! This year, each new thing I’ve tried that is more feminine—makeup, nail polish, fashion—it all seems to fit like a glove, like I have a natural aptitude for it that was lying beneath the surface all this time. All of the trappings of female-ness that I have attempted are just more... me.

Femininity is not defined by outward appearance or secondary characteristics, however. The truth of it is that being a woman comes naturally to me because I am one. And even when I’m presenting to the world a more masculine face, that does not take one iota away from my womanhood. A woman is still a woman without makeup and a dress. A woman simply is what she is, and that’s so much deeper than even the hormones can affect. That’s a level of identity that cannot be taken away.

Impostor syndrome is an insidious cancer within a trans person, borne of internalized transphobia and a lifetime of shame. It affects all of us in the trans community, because we all have lived as impostors for so long, becoming our authentic selves feels alien to an extent. But it is in our authentic selves that we find our true joy, our true happiness.

To any trans people reading this, I implore you to internalize this message, if nothing else: You are enough. You are not fooling anyone. You are who you are, and nobody gets to determine that but you. And they can hurl all the insults they want at you, they can shut you in a closet so deep you can’t see the light, but they cannot take away your identity. That is your own, your truth. Truth cannot be erased so easily. You are trans enough, if you know yourself to be trans.

For anyone else who has journeyed this far with me through this account, thank you for your patience and willingness to listen. I hope that, if any of this has resonated within you, that you ponder this and learn more about what it means to be transgender, at least so that you can be better informed about the lives of us queer, wonderful, beautiful people. Most of us are an open book, and would love to tell you about our journeys. But most of all, believe us when we show you are true selves. Such is an act of supreme trust and vulnerability. Listen to us, our fears, and our joys.

Because the truth is the same for you as it is for my trans siblings: you are enough. Don’t allow the world to tell you otherwise. You are you, and that is the most important truth in this whole world.

You are enough.

1

There are articles too numerous to count about the injustices done to intersex children, but this article gives you an idea of the situation. Link

2

People much more informed about the biological component of gender have a great deal to say about the subject, and I will let them speak for themselves. Suffice it to say, the biology is far from clear, what you learned about in 6th grade health is not exactly the best science available, and we are always learning more each day about the biological reality of sex and gender. Harvard is a good place to start: Here

3

Impostor syndrome is so prevalent in the transgender community, it even has an entry in the dang Gender Dysphoria Bible! I don’t want to cover the same territory, a more detached analysis of it can be found there. This is simply a personal take on the topic. Link: Here

[hangfiretales]

Writeblr Positivity Tag

1. What motivates you to write?

Vibes. Art and music and poetry give me randoms feelings (usually a vague strange nostalgia) and then I try to convert it into a plot and characters. Plot never comes naturally (dammit). My motivation to finish writing is just stubborn masochism.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

From Terrellus, my fantasy murder mystery novella WIP:

Each new house clustered against its neighbours like oyster shells, tacked in heaving spars of timber and offset pointed towers. The whole was painted pennant bright in rust-red and the particular green of the malachite pigment Terrellus had always favoured, within the walls and out.

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

From the same WIP: it’s Belacanth, the diplomat who Yen is sent to investigate:

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most? Editing, absolutely. Writing the first few drafts, for me, is painful and laborious and just generally a fucking dreadful experience punctuated by rare giddy ecstasy for two or three pages. Editing is less about invention and more about making the most of the mess you have, which says more about my approach to life than I realised...

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

I’m not sure what I’m best at but I really, really enjoy writing dialogue. The gap between what people mean and what they say is where conflict and magic lie.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

Seeing that the misery and satisfaction of writing are universal parts of the process. Writing is lonely (apart from the times when we get to infodump about our latest worldbuilding ideas) and I was never that active on Twitter even before it became Hell Pit 2.0 so it’s comforting to be part of this community 💙

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Cold Turkey to keep social media controlled, and Scrivener to write with. For this WIP I’m using Notion as an inspiration board, and it’s so beautiful that I’m trialing drafting there to see how the functionality goes.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Terrellus is a city-state in a 16th century Venetian-flavoured world, where most people are blissfully illiterate and stories are held and recited by professional poets. Every guild has a Needlehouse where lace makers and embroiderers make textiles and robes showing the family’s history. Also there’s a basic universal wage (it’s escapism okay)

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Stop writing that and write something really, truly fun, whatever works for you, fluff or torture or nerdy worldbuilding. Try to remember why you started writing in the first place! Then try to finish writing the other thing, and if you can incorporate the fun bits, even better.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters. Thank you @chromehoplite for the tag! 🖤 I’m tagging @villainoxs @thatmysterywriter @aralezinspace​ but I KNOW there are more of you with juicy WIPs so if you see this, consider yourself tagged. And please tag me in the reply if you want to play so I can see what everyone is up to 🖤

[englishk11-blog]

Gain Professional Success With Skilled Language Instruction

https://www.englishkranti.com/written-english/

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Known for its rich heritage and modern educational opportunities, Udaipur is becoming a prime location for language training. The city’s increasing network of competent English trainers guarantees that learners have access to high-quality teaching in a friendly setting. The many demands of students, working professionals, and even visitors wishing to increase their language proficiency are met by Udaipur trainers.

Selecting the Appropriate Trainer

Take into account the following elements while choosing an English instructor:

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If you’re ready to enhance your English skills, English Kranti is here to support you. Known for its committed trainers and student-focused approach, English Kranti provides a wide choice of programs aimed to help you attain fluency and confidence.

We believe in making language learning accessible and enjoyable. Whether you’re a novice or wanting to enhance expert abilities, our trainers adapt sessions to match your unique goals. From grammar fundamentals to advanced conversation practice, we provide everything you need to succeed.

Join English Kranti today and unlock the doors to personal and professional growth. With our skilled educators and unique approaches, mastering English is closer than you think!

[homeawayfromhomeoc]

Welcome to Home Away From Home Dog Boarding & Daycare in Newport Beach

At Home Away From Home Dog Boarding & Daycare, we go above and beyond to provide a safe, fun, and comfortable environment that meets every dog’s needs. Located at 20302 Riverside Dr, Newport Beach, CA, our upscale facility is your go-to destination for premium dog daycare, overnight boarding, grooming, and baths. We strive to provide a safe, enjoyable, and hassle-free experience that ensures your dog is happy, comfortable, and well-cared for while you’re away.

Our Services

Home Away From Home offers a variety of services to suit all your dog’s needs, including Dog Daycare, Overnight Boarding, Grooming, and Baths. Whether you need a reliable daycare during your work hours or a comfortable boarding facility while you’re on vacation, we’re here to make sure your pet is happy, safe, and well-cared for.

1. Dog Daycare: A Fun and Engaging Experience

Our Dog Daycare program is designed to keep your pet entertained, active, and socialized in a safe, supervised environment. Daycare is a great option for dogs who need extra exercise, socialization, or just a fun day of play.

Structured Playtimes and Activities: Our daycare program includes supervised playtimes tailored to your dog’s size, temperament, and energy level. Dogs can play with friends, chase toys, and enjoy interactive games that keep them engaged.

Exercise and Mental Stimulation: Physical and mental stimulation is essential for a dog’s health. Our spacious in/out runs and play areas allow dogs to explore, exercise, and enjoy the company of their peers. This activity keeps them healthy, happy, and reduces boredom-related behaviors.

Socialization: Dogs thrive in social environments, and our daycare is the perfect place for them to build confidence and learn good social behavior. Our trained staff supervises all interactions, helping dogs develop positive social skills in a safe setting.

2. Overnight Boarding: A Comfortable Home Away from Home

When you’re away, trust us to provide your dog with a warm and cozy stay at our Overnight Boarding facility. We’ve created a relaxing environment where your dog can feel comfortable and secure.

Comfortable Accommodations: Each dog has their own cozy sleeping space with comfortable bedding to ensure a restful night. We cater to each dog’s unique needs, offering options like temperature control, bedding upgrades, and other comforts to make them feel at home.

Personalized Care: We recognize that each dog is different. Our staff provides personalized care based on your dog’s preferences and routine, including special feeding instructions, medication administration, and daily exercise.

Updates and Communication: We keep you informed throughout your dog’s stay, sending updates and photos so you can feel connected. We know that peace of mind is essential, and we work hard to ensure that both you and your pet are comfortable and happy.

3. Grooming: Keep Your Dog Looking Their Best

Regular grooming isn’t just about appearances – it’s essential for your dog’s health and comfort. At Home Away From Home, we offer a variety of grooming services to keep your dog looking and feeling their best.

Baths and Coat Maintenance: Our bath services use high-quality shampoos and conditioners designed for your dog’s skin and coat type. We pay attention to detail, ensuring that every bath is thorough and enjoyable.

Nail Trimming, Ear Cleaning, and More: Proper grooming also includes nail trimming, ear cleaning, and basic hygiene care. Our professional groomers are skilled in handling dogs of all sizes and temperaments, ensuring a comfortable and gentle experience.

Haircuts and Styling: For dogs with long or curly coats, regular haircuts are essential. Our groomers provide professional styling to help your dog look sharp and stay comfortable.

4. Baths: Fresh and Clean for Extra Comfort

Dogs love getting out and exploring the world – but that can lead to dirt, mud, and unpleasant odors. Our bath service ensures that your dog comes home fresh, clean, and ready to cuddle.

Gentle, Dog-Safe Products: We use only pet-safe shampoos and conditioners that are gentle on your dog’s skin and coat. Our bath products are chosen with your dog’s health in mind, leaving them smelling fresh and feeling great.

Add-On Bath Service: Add a bath to any daycare or boarding stay, so your dog is fresh and clean when it’s time to go home. It’s a convenient option that saves you time and leaves your dog feeling great!

Why Choose Home Away From Home Dog Boarding & Daycare?

At Home Away From Home, our philosophy is simple: we treat every dog with the same love, respect, and care that we would give our own pets. Here’s why we stand out as the preferred dog daycare and boarding facility in Newport Beach:

Premium Location with Easy Access Located in the heart of Newport Beach, our facility offers easy drop-off and pick-up options for pet owners throughout Orange County. Our central location, just off major highways, ensures that you can easily access our facility whether you’re going to work, running errands, or heading on a trip.

Safety First Approach Safety is our top priority, and we go above and beyond to ensure that every dog is safe while in our care. Our facility is equipped with secure fencing, monitored play areas, and a highly trained staff that maintains the highest safety standards. Your peace of mind matters to us, and we take all necessary precautions to keep your pet safe and secure.

Real-Time Video Access We understand how hard it can be to be away from your beloved pet. That’s why we offer real-time video access so you can check in on your dog throughout the day. With just a few clicks, you can watch your dog enjoying their time in our facility, playing, resting, or simply exploring.

Clean and Comfortable Environment Our newly renovated facility is meticulously cleaned and maintained to provide a comfortable, hygienic space for all dogs. With separate areas for large and small dogs, as well as indoor and outdoor play spaces, we ensure that every dog can feel safe and comfortable, no matter their size or personality.

Why Dog Daycare and Boarding Are Beneficial for Your Dog

Dog Daycare and Boarding are more than just convenience for pet owners – they’re opportunities for dogs to socialize, exercise, and engage in a structured environment that meets their needs. Here are some of the top benefits:

Socialization and Interaction: Dogs are social animals that benefit from interaction with other dogs. Regular socialization in a controlled environment can help reduce anxiety and improve behavior.

Physical Exercise: Regular exercise keeps dogs healthy, fit, and content. At Home Away From Home, we provide ample space and activities to keep your dog moving, ensuring they stay happy and healthy.

Mental Stimulation: Dogs thrive on mental challenges, and our play sessions and structured activities provide the mental stimulation they need. This enrichment helps reduce boredom and prevents behavioral issues related to restlessness or lack of stimulation.

Anxiety Relief: For dogs with separation anxiety, daycare and boarding offer relief by providing constant companionship and a structured routine. Being around other dogs and people can reduce stress, helping your dog feel comfortable and relaxed.

Peace of Mind for Pet Owners: Leaving your dog in a professional, safe, and engaging environment gives you the freedom to focus on work, travel, or other obligations. Our trained staff, secure facility, and live video access help you feel confident that your pet is in great hands.

Contact Us Today!

At Home Away From Home Dog Boarding & Daycare, we’re more than a pet care facility – we’re a family that genuinely loves dogs and is passionate about providing exceptional care. Our team is dedicated to creating a safe, fun, and comfortable space where dogs can be themselves.

Ready to give your dog an amazing daycare or boarding experience? Contact us at (949) 741-0647 or visit us at 20302 Riverside Dr, Newport Beach, CA, to schedule a tour or make a reservation. Come see our spacious facility, meet our friendly team, and experience why we’re Newport Beach’s choice for dog daycare and boarding.