#but with my coworkers who are all adult men mostly 10+ years older than me and im laying i completely forget to talk

[incrediblysincere]

Having a job where i have to interact with coworkers all day has really made me notice how bad my social skills are

[ironwoman18]

Garvez Moments part 12

This is a jump in time for our little Andrew Alvez. He's older and we will see his friendship with Max and Spencer's twins.

Chapter 12: Park and Movies, a kid's life

A little boy, about four years old, black hair and light brown skin ran in his parents room and jumped on his father's legs "PAPI!! IT'S SATURDAY!! IT'S PARK DAY!!" he jumped excited.

Luke Alvez signed still sleepy "your son is here" he whispered at his wife.

"At this hour, he's your son" he rubbed his eyes.

"hey buddy it's too early"

"But you promised to go early so we can go to eat pizza with Sammy, Rachel and Jason" he pouted at his dad.

Jeez... He thought, this kid is Penelope Garcia- Alvez' son. The latino agent signed and nodded "ok let's get ready" the little boy was excited and carefully got out of bed. Then ran to his bedroom "are you coming?"

"I can't... My stupid coworker Daniel needs help with a course today. He said 'I will need you Garcia, you are the best' and yes I know but I work from Monday to Friday until almost midnight. I want my free Saturday"

He chuckled "maybe you can call it sick?" He suggested and she smirked softly.

"Oh babe I wish I could but I'm sure he won't believe it... He knows I wasn't happy and if I don't go he might take revenge" her husband sighed "have fun and take pictures. I will try to be here for movie night and build a pillow fort"

He smiled and kissed her then gets up and goes to get dressed and brush his teeth. She later got up to take a shower. He went to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for them and a veggie one for Penelope. He fed Roxy and Lou with their raw meat and vegetables. Then fed Sergio with his favorite fish snacks.

"Daddy. Doggies can come?" Asked the little boy drinking some apple juice.

"Yeah, they love the park" he smiled.

After some minutes Penelope walked out wearing one her colorful outfit with matching glasses. They ate plannings which movie what they will watch that night.

"I want Cars!" Said Andrew holding his Lightning McQueen up "he's the best!" His parents laughed and after some more minutes they left to their destinations.

Luke, Andrew, Roxy and Lou were on the truck to go to the park, Penelope drove her car to her job's office.

The four of them arrived to the park and the Reid family was already there.

Andrew ran with the two dogs to the twins. They played with the football and had a good time. They took some minutes to eat cookies and juice.

Meanwhile Spencer, Luke and Max talked.

"where's Penelope?" Asked Max sitting next to Spencer.

"She had to go to her job" Luke said looking at the kids "she had to go because her coworker is annoying" he rolled his eyes.

"My boss wanted a meeting and I told him I had to do something else, Saturday are for family and I only change my Saturday if it's something very important"

"Yeah I know. And she does the same but she had to go"

The couple nodded "I know Penelope enjoy her Saturday but if she's there then it most be important" Luke nodded.

"Yeah it is but she will be at the movie night. Drew wants Cars"

Max sighed "Rachel wants Frozen" she looked at Luke "and Jason wants a documentary about whales" she looked at Spencer from the corner of her eye so did Luke.

"What? He's a scientist kind of guy" the other two laughed "he and I watched it at night and he asks me a lot about them"

"Drew asks me about cars and dogs" Luke laughed.

"And Rach wants to control ice" she rolled her eyes "she is the least grounded of the three of them"

"Thats why I never liked Disney tales..." And Max could predict a speech of her husband about fairly tails.

So she stood up "if you excuse me I will go to check the kids" and she left.

Spencer looked at Luke wanting to throw facts at him so Luke also stood up "I will check my dogs" and left.

Spencer had a puppy face looking at them leaving him. Max laughed softly as they reached the kids "I love him and I could hear him rambling about his science things but I know where this is going and he will start to talk about a case they had where this girl killed men because she was obsessed with the Cinderella and I'm not in the mood for that"

Luke laughed and nodded "yeah I read that file when I was studying to be a profiler. It was pretty impressive"

"Yeah and I'm proud of him but... I don't want it right now" he nodded and watched the kids playing with the dogs "Rachel wants a dog everytime they play with Roxy and Lou"

"Dogs are great and they help kids to have responsability"

"Yeah but they are too young for that. Spence and I think we can buy them a dog when they are about 8 maybe 10 years old"

"Those are good ages for a dog" he said looking at them.

They spent the rest of the morning playing and having a good day. They stopped now and then to drink water or eat ice cream.

About three o'clock both couples left to the pizzeria to buy their lunch and goes to the Alvez's house.

The kids wanted three different movies, as the adults expected. Rachel wanted Frozen, Andrew wanted Cars and Jason animal's documentaries.

So Max did a teacher thing. She ordered them to draw what they liked the most about the movie, the fasted and the prettiest will win.

They needed to do it fast but pretty. The first was Rachel who did both things, second Andrew and last one was Jason, mostly because he was perfectionist and wanted accuracy.

Penelope arrived just in time to eat and watch the movie.

They watched Frozen first and the four adults had to bite their lower lip to not laughs as they seemed Andrew softly singing Let it go.

Later they watched Cars and could tell Rachel enjoyed the movie too and lastly they watched the documentary and the three kids were hooked up.

They picked one about lions hunting, Jason's favorite, and they covered their eyes when the lion almost catched a zebra.

That night they slept in a tent, inside Andrew's room and with Roxy as their pillow. Spencer and Max left because they wanted to have a night for themselves. Next weekend was their turn to have the kids so Luke and Penelope can enjoy a free Saturday night.

"Park and movies... This is a kid's life" said Penelope from the bedroom's room.

"the best thing in life" complemented Luke "I just hope JJ's new daughter gets older enough to play with them"

"Oh she will. She's already starting to walk. Baby Erin will play with there three sooner" they smiled and left the room to go to their own.

OOooOOooOO

And that's all for this chapter. I'm sorry it took so long but I ran out of ideas for these fic. If you have more ideas leave then down in the comments.

Just to let you know. Rachel and Jason are 10 month older than Andrew. So they are close in ages. I thought about adding JJ little girl but she is about a year or two years old so she's younger than Garvez/ Maxcer babies.

Hope you enjoyed this and we'll catch up in the next chapter.

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2018

My main takeaways from the past year’s reading:

Growing up is hard, whether you’re a working-class college sophomore trying to adjust to an Ivy League college, a chronically ill medieval kid trying to beat witchcraft charges, or A GHOST THE WHOLE TIME.

You can go to Kansas City or the Congo or SPACE, but you can never escape the past. 

Maybe I should be more worried about getting murdered?

Anyway:

20. East by Edith Pattou (2003)

Rose, a sixteenth-century Norwegian farm girl, loves her large family, but sometimes feels at odds with their rather staid personalities. So, when a talking polar bear offers to end her family’s poverty and her sister’s illness if she’ll stay with him for a year, she accepts not only out of desperation, but also wanderlust. This expansive retelling of “East of the Sun, West of the Moon” (already a winner because of its determined, flawed heroine) shines because of its vivid use of multiple settings and its well-developed minor characters. I initially thought it was a little slow, but I really came to appreciate Pattou’s skill over time.

19. Joe College by Tom Perrotta (2000)

Danny, a working-class Yale sophomore in 1982, thinks he has a lot to worry about. His rich friends are clueless, his townie coworkers at the dining hall resent him, and his crush is dating a professor. Then he goes home for spring break, where he’s confronted with a pregnant ex and a bunch of mobsters who try to interfere with his father’s lunch-truck business. I mostly read this book for completism--I love Perrotta, but The Wishbones made me wary of his earlier work--yet this seemingly lighthearted story contains some fascinating moral and ethical dilemmas, plus a hero who is sympathetic despite his callowness. 

18. Monsters of Men by Patrick Ness (2010)

In the explosive conclusion of Ness’s Chaos Walking trilogy, the protagonists find themselves in the middle of a war with an enemy they don’t understand, forcing them to wrestle with questions of right versus wrong, forgiveness versus revenge, and the possibility of redemption. This was an intense read, but there was a lot of genuine joy and love mixed in with the death and war.

17. Ashes to Ashes by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian (2014)

In the less literally but just as emotionally explosive conclusion of Han and Vivian’s Burn for Burn trilogy, former revenge-partners Lillia and Kat try to move on in the wake of a tragedy, as well as the abrupt departure of Mary, the other member of their retribution-themed trio. The future is looking bright, but then it becomes clear that Mary is neither gone nor happy with their life choices. I read the first book of this trilogy way back in 2014 and, while I enjoyed it well enough, I wasn’t blown away. This spring, though, I had the sudden urge to read the next two books, and they were both a wonderful mix of affecting human drama and ludicrously soapy plot twists.

16. The Charm School by Susan Wiggs (1999)

Isadora Peabody, the awkward scion of an otherwise graceful old Bostonian family in the 1850s, decides to take her fate in her own hands and become a translator on a merchant ship bound for Brazil. The captain, freewheeling Ryan Calhoun, isn’t too happy with this unusual arrangement, but he comes to admire and sympathize with the independent-minded and painfully self-conscious Isadora. At the same time, Isadora realizes that Ryan’s untidiness and occasional bouts of drunkenness disguise a heart and principles and a talent for making out in lush Brazilian gardens. I was absolutely delighted by this romance novel, which is an absolute romp with some terrific character development. 

15. The Ask and the Answer by Patrick Ness (2009)

In the middle book of the Chaos Walking trilogy, the protagonists reach the end of a long journey, only to find themselves separated and caught between two warring factions. This installment does a great job of elaborating upon the world introduced in the first book, offering new perspectives on old characters, and introducing compelling new conflicts. 

14. Fire with Fire by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian (2013)

In the middle book of the Burn for Burn trilogy, classmates Kat, Lillia, and Mary deal with the fallout of their semi-successful Strangers on a Train-lite revenge scheme. Kat and Lillia want to call it quits, but their sympathy for Mary causes them to agree to one last score, so to speak. Unfortunately, FEELINGS and PAST TRAUMA and DANGEROUS PSYCHIC POWERS complicate matters. Despite my love for Ashes to Ashes, Fire with Fire has a special place in my heart because it’s the first book to explore the characters’ emotions in depth, as well as the first one to go way over the fucking top.

13. I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara (2018)

In the late 1970s and early 1980s, a rash of horrifying home invasion rapes, seemingly meticulously planned, plagued the bedroom communities of Sacramento. Then a series of uncannily similar home invasion murders broke out in the Southern California. In this book published after her death in 2016, McNamara makes the case that this was the work of one person, dubbed the Golden State Killer. McNamara has a clear, humane way of describing grisly and/or convoluted events, and her portrait of the dark side of California suburbia is enthralling. 

12. The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver (1998)

In 1960, a dangerously determined and self-righteous reverend from the American South travels to the Belgian Congo, even though his own church begged him not to go. He makes the questionable decision to take his exhausted wife and four daughters--vain Rachel, suck-up Leah, nearly mute Adah, and baby Ruth May--along with him. Their new home is a shock to all of them in various ways, and that’s before a personal tragedy and the Congo Crisis enter the picture. Kingsolver makes excellent use of her five viewpoint characters, all of whom have distinctive voices and enjoyably unpredictable (yet entirely appropriate) character arcs.

11. Lighter than My Shadow by Katie Green (2013)

As a young child, Katie has seemingly minor issues around food, but during adolescence she develops a serious eating disorder and almost starves herself to death. A diagnosis and the ensuing support of her parents seem to signal hope, but recovery is more complicated that one might expect. This graphic memoir offers a nuanced portrait of the sheer range of stuff that gets wrapped up in an eating disorder: religion, gender, sex, control, trauma, the desire for independence, and so much more. Green’s “cute” art style enhances the story, both because it makes an interesting contrast to the upsetting material and because it grounds the reader in the humanity of the characters. 

10. Mindhunter by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker (1995)

Throughout the 1970s, FBI agent John Douglas, along with the rest of the Investigative Support Unit, compiled information about an increasingly common type of criminal: the serial killer. Gradually, they developed the practice of criminal profiling. As gruesome as it might sound to call this an excellent beach read, that’s essentially how I experienced it (not that I went anywhere this summer, but still). The pace is fast, the style is engaging, and the authors are frank but not overly lurid in their presentation of the nasty details.

9. The Beggar Maid by Alice Munro (1977)

In this collection of connected short stories, Rose, a bright Canadian girl, grows up in a rough, deprived neighborhood with her sick, stern father and prickly but not unloving stepmother. Life in the wider world brings her mingled pride and shame at her background, a largely disastrous early marriage, and eventually a satisfying but decidedly unglamorous acting career. Munro is a master of description, and she has a sense of fun that puts her head and shoulders above most short story writers. And the title story is just the most perfectly painful exploration of why someone would stay with a partner who is deeply wrong for them.

8. Dark Places by Gillian Flynn (2009)

In 1985, seven-year-old Libby Day narrowly escaped death at the hands of her teenage brother, but her mother and two older sisters weren’t so lucky. Except that Libby doesn’t feel so lucky, either, because she’s thirty-one years old with massive trauma, dwindling funds, and few adult life skills. Then a true-crime enthusiast contacts her with an offer: cash in return for investigating whether her brother was actually the murderer. Dark Places may be the awkward middle child of Flynn’s novels, but that reputation is undeserved; it has a thrilling plot, a perversely lovable heroine, and a sly critique of the “Morning in America” view of the 1980s.

7. The Hostage by Susan Wiggs (2000)

In the confusion of the Great Chicago Fire, frontiersman Tom Silver kidnaps heiress Deborah Sinclair, hoping to force her industrialist father into compensating the victims of his negligence. He’s not prepared, though, for her dogged escape attempts, her hard-earned resilience, or the hints that something was horribly wrong in her life even before the kidnapping. I had my doubts about reading a kidnapping romance, but Susan Wiggs proved me wrong. (It helps that Tom’s motives are both understandable AND not presented as an excuse for dragging Deborah into his revenge plan.) The super-slow-burn romance pairs wonderfully with the action-packed plot, and I love Deborah so much.

6. Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn (2006)

Troubled reporter Camille Preaker returns to her small Missouri hometown to investigate the grisly murder of one tween girl and the ominous disappearance of another. As upsetting as the case is, it doesn’t hold a candle to what waits for her at home: a softly cruel mother, a barely there stepfather, and a teenage half-sister who alternates between adoring Camille and tormenting her. Sharp Objects entirely deserves its reputation as the best (if not most popular) Flynn novel; it has a beautifully constructed plot, descriptions so lush that you feel like you can reach out and touch Wind Gap (not that you’d want to), and a deeply flawed yet admirable heroine.

5. The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness (2008)

At nearly thirteen, Todd Hewitt is the youngest resident of Prentisstown, and nobody is ever going to take that distinction away from him. Just after his birth, a plague killed most of the humans on New World, including every woman and girl. What’s more, the same plague made it so the thoughts of men (and most other living creatures) are audible to all. And the mayor of Prentisstown is a religious fanatic who won’t let anyone watch videos or teach kids to read. It’s...not awesome. Then Todd makes a shocking discovery that forces him to flee his community and question everything he knows. This book is a fascinating sci-fi take on the frontier horror story (ala The Scarlet Letter, The Crucible, and, more recently, The Witch) with a read-hundreds-of-pages-a-night plot and astonishing moment of wonder.

4. After the Wedding by Courtney Milan (2018)

Lady Camilla Worth, daughter of an earl who committed suicide to avoid treason charges, has passed from home to unwelcoming home ever since, finally ending up as an unknown housemaid. Adrian Hunter, a mixed-race ceramics heir on a desperate mission to make his family happy, happens to visit the house where she’s employed. Under some very strange circumstances, they’re forced to wed at literal gunpoint. Working together to unravel the mystery and get an annulment, they grow to like each other, which complicates things. This is one of my favorite romance novels ever, with wonderful characters (especially Camilla!), an explosive plot, and masterfully explored themes of healing and being true to oneself.

3. Wild Things: The Joy of Reading Children's Literature as an Adult by Bruce Handy (2017)

A famous magazine writer and father of two young children, Handy expounds upon the classics of children’s literature (The Cat in the Hat, Goodnight Moon, the Little House series, Narnia, the Ramona books, etc.). As someone who frequently rereads the favorites of my youth to de-stress (House of Stairs 5eva), the subject was tailor-made for me, and Handy’s execution is impressive. He covers an amazing amount of ground, switches deftly from one mode of analysis to another, and shares plenty of funny anecdotes and moving reflections on parenthood.

2. Blankets by Craig Thompson (2003)

In this autobiographical graphic novel, Craig, a creative, devout, and deeply lonely teenager in rural Wisconsin, meets his first love, Raina, at a church retreat that otherwise would’ve been miserable. They become pen pals and are finally able to arrange for him to spend a few complicated, wonderful weeks with her and her family. Their relationship and its subsequent fallout drive him to confront his conflicted feelings about his faith, his art, and his family. This is an absolutely beautiful story, complemented perfectly by the wintry landscapes and expressive human figures.

1. Breath by Donna Jo Napoli (2003)

Salz, a twelve-year-old boy in medieval Saxony, is dismissed and sometimes even reviled by most of his community, including his own father and brothers, for the unnamed illness that stunts his growth and makes it difficult to breathe. Still, he’s got a lot going on; he helps his beloved grandmother around the house, studies for the priesthood, and belongs to a secret coven. When an abnormally wet spring drives the rats indoors and causes a strange disease to spread among the locals, Salz’s sharp intellect and thirst for knowledge are more needed than ever. This novel is a historically grounded retelling of “The Pied Piper of Hamelin” where the protagonist has cystic fibrosis, and did I ever think I would type that combination of words? No, I did not, but I am so glad things worked out that way. Napoli’s treatment of disability is unusually gratifying, because she illustrates the essential things that a society loses when it dismisses the sick and disabled (as well as some other marginalized groups, such as women). At the same time, Salz’s family and neighbors aren’t cruel for the sake of cruelty; they’re just uninformed, scared, and/or bad at managing their own problems without lashing out at others, which does not absolve them but makes for a more thoughtful story than if they were just bad seeds. The portrayal of Salz’s struggles to reconcile the different sources of wisdom in his life--Church orthodoxy, pagan folk practices, and the knowledge slowly filtering in from the Arabic world--is also fascinating, plus the pathological mystery makes for a tight, exciting plot. All this in less than 300 pages! And do not get me started on how much I love Großmutter.

[cromulentbookreview]

Menstruation!

Yes, that’s right, menstruation! Something half the world’s population experiences on a monthly basis - the regular discharge of blood and mucosal tissue from inner uterine lining through the vagina and...are all the dudes gone? 

Sweet. 

Let’s talk about Mackenzi Lee’s fiercely feminist follow-up to The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue: The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy!

“You’re trying to play a game designed by men. You’ll never win, because the deck is stacked and marked, and also you’ve been blindfolded and set on fire. You can work hard and believe in yourself and be the smartest person in the room and you’ll still get beat by the boys who haven’t two cents to rub together.” - From the ARC of The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy

For some reason, I have a terrible time writing about things I really, really like. I can go on and on about that one thing that I hate (and I do, often), but when I like something, I say “hey, I like that” and then not much else. My eloquence deserts me when I have to articulate why it is I love something beyond “aw man it’s the best” and then nothing else. Not sure why that is. What I do know is that I finished reading The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy on August 28th, actually, it was August 1. I know how dates work. I started writing a review as soon as I finished it, then just...didn’t. Perhaps it’s pure laziness. Perhaps its writer’s block. Perhaps it’s because I’m in the middle of another epic book binge (five books in, four to go, plus a novella and possibly an ARC of book 10!). 

Whatever the reason, I’ve come back to this review over and over, determined to be clever and such, but...man it’s just harder to write about things you love versus the things you hate. It’s very easy to criticize (fun, too), but writing endless praise gets boring fast.

So how am I supposed to describe how much I love Mackenzi Lee’s books?

Mackenzi Lee’s works are the book equivalent of a warm, comforting hug. A hug delivered directly to your brain, with words. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue was one of the best books I read last year, and its sequel does not disappoint in the slightest. Lady’s Guide is 100% pure feminist awesomeness. If you’ve ever been angered by the patriarchy, then this book is definitely for you.

Since praise is hard and complaining is fun, let me take a moment to complain.

All girls, all women, really, know how it is to feel “less-than” for simply being female. That shit starts the minute we’re born and it’s pervasive as fuck. It never stops. Even in a world where a family cannot survive on just one income, women are expected to work two jobs: one for pay, and one for free. Women are described not as people, but as extensions of others: “Wife”, “Mother”, “Girlfriend”, “Daughter” - as if that is all we are, and all we’re expected to be. (On a related note, I am so tired of books with titles that end with “wife”, “daughter”, “sister,” etc. Also, describing women as “girls.” Fuck that shit, I’m an adult, don’t you call me “girl.”). All the bad things that happen to women are our own fault somehow. Rather than teaching men not to attack women, women are expected to take every single precaution in the universe to protect themselves from men. A single “lapse”? Well, then, anything that a man does to you is your fault. Ladies, have you ever had to fake a hypothetical male partner in order to avoid being harassed? Because men would automatically respect a non-existent male before a real human female?

I am so fucking tired of all of that shit. I am so tired of women being blamed for every single bad thing that happens to them. I am so tired of men getting away with harassing, demeaning and belittling women. I am so tired of male authors saying shit like “Mary Shelley didn’t really write Frankenstein!” I am so tired of women’s accomplishments being treated as “less-than.” I am so tired of a woman’s value being equated with whether or not she has a husband or children. I am so tired of a woman’s worth being equated with her appearance. I am tired of being paid less for the same work my male coworkers do. I am so tired of job interviews with loaded questions meant to suss out whether or not you’re planning on taking maternity leave (because it’s illegal to ask if someone is planning on having kids, but perfectly OK to ask “what are your future plans?” wink wink). I am so tired of all of it. It’s bullshit. All of it is bullshit, and the fact that being a woman means fighting an uphill battle every goddamn day just makes me tired.

And all I’ve described above is just a fraction of the bullshit women of color experience. It’s the fucking worst.

This is why we need books like Lady’s Guide. The patriarchy might not be as visible or obviously terrible as it was in the 18th century, but it’s still here, and still as toxic as ever. 

Ahem. Anyway. Ladies Guide! See, I can complain forever. When it comes to things I love I’m like “uh, I love it, you should read it” and that’s it.

Lady’s Guide takes place roughly a year after the end of Gentleman’s Guide - Felicity is living and working in a bakery in Edinburgh. She’s been trying, and mostly failing, to get accepted into medical school. But, this being the 18th century, and Felicity being a woman, she doesn’t get very far. After her coworker at the bakery proposes to her, dismissing Felicity’s desires for an education as nothing more than a phase, Felicity decides to take off and try again in London. She sets up shop with her brother and Percy, living happily ever after (because Monty/Percy forever, goddamn it!) and attempts to get into one of the London medical schools via subterfuge. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work out. Felicity is on the verge of giving up when one of the hospital’s more enlightened board members gives her the contact info for Alexander Platt - a trailblazer in the medical field and Felicity’s idol. Dr. Platt might just take a woman on as a student, but he’s all the way in Stuttgart...

...about to get married to Felicity’s childhood best friend, Johanna Hoffmann. Sounds like a perfect way for Felicity to ingratiate herself with Dr. Platt, right?

Except Johanna and Felicity had a falling out years ago. As kids, Felicity and Johanna loved exploring and science and getting dirty, but, as they got older, Johanna started showing more interest in “girly” things while Felicity’s interests never strayed. Nothing like that painful phase of adolescence where you look around and see that all your friends have changed, gotten into boys and makeup and all that shit, while all you want to do is read Tolkien and watch Sailor Moon...

Such a classic episode. 

Anyway, Felicity decides to say “fuck it,” and head off to see Johanna in Stuttgart anyway, because this is her chance and she’s not going to throw away her shot.* So Felicity teams up with Sim, a friend of the pirates from Gentleman’s Guide, ditches Monty and Percy and heads off for the continent. 

And if reuniting with an ex-best friend who you haven’t spoken to or seen in years isn’t awkward enough, meeting your hero, who is about to get married to said ex-best friend, is even worse. Like all heroes, Dr. Platt isn’t exactly everything Felicity thought he would be. And his upcoming marriage to Johanna isn’t exactly a love match on either side...

Lady’s Guide is not only a massive brain-hug, it’s existence-affirming. Felicity writes herself a message, one she returns to time and time again throughout the book, and something all women and girls  should hear: You Deserve To Be Here. Yes. Yes you fucking do. Felicity deserves to attend medical school - but men block her path. She deserves to be her own woman, an intellectual, a scientist - all of that, without being scoffed at. 

Lee also makes the point, throughout the book, that the patriarchy is not just men. Women perpetuate patriarchy as well by bullying and policing the behavior of other women. We’re kept down by our own infighting. We see this in the relationship between Felicity and Johanna, whose friendship fell apart because of their differing views on femininity. Felicity was keen to reject feminine trappings, like clothes, makeup, boys, etc., focusing instead on her books. Johanna wanted to embrace her femininity and be a scientist. Felicity looked down her nose at Johanna’s embrace of the traditionally feminine, and Johanna resented Felicity’s high-and-mighty-better-than-you attitude, and thus their childhood friendship fell apart.

The relationship between Johanna and Felicity and their views on femininity is very much like Sansa and Arya Stark. On the Sansa-Arya spectrum, Arya is all about rejecting traditional femininity - no frilly dresses or talk of marriage for Arya. No, she’s all about sword-fighting and vengeance and wearing other people’s faces as masks. Sansa, on the other end of the spectrum, embraces traditional Westerosi femininity, at first suffering it’s trappings, but then she learns to embrace it in another way. Sansa learns to wear her femininity like armor, and use it to her advantage. First, she uses it to survive in King’s Landing, where one wrong move would have gotten her killed, then she uses it to get the same thing Arya hopes to get with her assassin skills: vengeance. Independently, Sansa and Arya are both powerful women. Together? Aw, man. Shit’s going to go down.

I do have one nitpicky complaint, re: Lady’s Guide.

At one point, Johanna tells Sim: “I will drag you back to Bavaria by the ear and take you to court there if I must.”

OK, so in the novel, Johanna lives in Stuttgart. Stuttgart is in Baden-Württemberg, though so...why is Johanna threatening to drag Sim to Bavaria? In the early 1700s, Stuttgart was part of the Duchy of Württemberg which was definitely not in Bavaria. I’m not sure how the Swabians would take it if they were mistaken for Bavarians. Or vice-versa. And heaven forbid you mix up Bavaria and Franconia, even though Franconia is technically now a part of Bavaria…

Ok. Here’s the thing, though. Germany, as it is today didn’t exist until the 90s. The 1990s. Until then the 99.999999% of German history is trying to figure out the goddamned map. There was no unified “Germany” until 1871, and even then the borders didn’t mesh with what they are today. The area that we refer to as “Germany” historically was about 100,000,000 little Kingdoms/Grand Duchies/Duchies/Electorates/Principalities/city-states/what-have-yous tangled together by the Holy Roman Empire, until Napoleon kicked the Holy Roman Empire’s ass in 1805, leading to Francis II to dissolve the Empire in 1806 then it was the German Confederation with the same amount of Kingdoms/Grand Duchies/Duchies/Electorates/Principalities/city-states/what-have-yous … Jesus, just look at the maps. I mean, look at  Baden-Württemberg in the 18th century alone! 

I honestly don’t know how actual Germans sort this out. It’s easier to just be like “OK, we’re just going to start at 1871 and go forward, OK? Let’s just call everything that came before Germany and move on.”

Still, if you’re from Stuttgart and you show up in Bavaria to file a complaint, you’d probably get laughed at by a bunch of mustachioed dudes who’ve been drinking since 9 AM.  

But really, that is my only complaint. Read The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy. If you pre-order it, you can get a bonus ebook epilogue to Gentleman’s Guide!  So...go do that. 

RECOMMENDED FOR: Everyone, women especially.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Assholes, men’s right’s activists.

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 5,000,000,000,000,000/5

RELEASE DATE: October 2, 2018

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SEQUEL/CONTINUATIONS: Olympus Mons

AMOUNT OF TIME IT TOOK ME TO WRITE THIS RIDICULOUS REVIEW: 21 days.  Hahaha, no it took me 48 days. Because...fuck...I don’t know.

* (curse you, Lin-Manuel Miranda!)

[katesloan]

2017: the Year of Devastated Bravery

Time for my annual year-end survey! Been doing this one for well over a decade. Previously: 2012, the year of sex-positivity. 2013, the year of self-care. 2014, the year of turning over a new leaf, 2015, the year of foxy femme power, 2016, the year of the staunch heart.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? Rang in the New Year at the home of a local sex-positive community leader with some of my closest pals, and was sent home with Alka-Seltzer tablets for the morning. Interviewed a bunch of matchmakers for a news feature (which sadly has yet to be published, boo). Started writing for Glamour, after their sex & relationships editor reached out to me via Twitter DM. Hired some rad babes to overhaul my blog design for me. Was hired by, and later fired from, two different sex shops (lolol). Had a sex-date in a creepy hotel room in Queens. Got spanked with a hanger rail from said hotel room’s closet. Performed in the Bed Post variety show a couple times. Started inviting guests onto our podcast (Cooper S. Beckett was the first one!). Missed my flight from New York to Toronto and had an anxiety breakdown in the airport. Got published on Teen Vogue. Had our first podcast sponsor. Started banging one of my coworkers (whoops). Did a photoshoot in a dungeon with a beautiful babe. Made out in a heated outdoor swimming pool at a sex club (uh, many times). Got intensely spanked over an acquaintance’s kitchen counter by three people working in tandem. Hooked up with a cute older British man who was visiting on business; he invited me to return to his hotel the following night and bought me sushi and wine on his company card (so fancy). Attended the launch party for a party game I was a staff writer on. Tried having sex with a penis extender. Had a surprisingly fantastic one-night stand with a guy who remembered me from when he was my waiter at a restaurant once. Went on a date with a polyamorous guy whose girlfriend listened to my podcast and told him to ask me out. Got paid to ghostwrite spanking erotica. Celebrated my five-year blogiversary. Went on a couple dates with a cute civil litigation lawyer who was an exceptionally good kisser. Got high with my best friend and did a livestreamed podcast. Was a bridesmaid in the wedding of two of my best friends. Topped my previous monthly income goals, again and again. Turned 25. Attended (and subsequently roasted) the Toronto International Porn Awards. Dated someone (for ~4 months!) who initially knew me from listening to my podcast. Had sex for like 5 hours on a first date. Learned to like some kink acts I’d previously found scary, like choking, face-slapping, and face-fucking. Was in a Daddy Dom/little girl relationship for a while. Attempted non-hierarchical polyamory. Reviewed a vibrating teddy bear. Started a part-time social media job at an adult-industry marketing firm. Took Reid Mihalko’s jealousy workshop. Took a freelance writing class from Alana Massey. Pegged someone. Got my wrists tattooed. Did a live podcast recording at a sex conference in front of friends and fans. Spanked a friend with a bible in a hotel room in Virginia. Got fucked in the ass with a glass dildo by a blogger friend while other blogger friends casually watched. Got a 4-handed erotic massage. Performed blowjob sonnets at a sex club. Went on a date with someone who turned out to be the best friend and roommate of someone I’d gone on a date with the previous month. Unexpectedly made out with/got slapped around by/got fingerbanged by a friend I’d known for over 10 years in an alley behind a restaurant. Moved out of my parents’ place and into an apartment! Had coffee with my editor at the Condé Nast building. Saw the McElroy brothers speak (and Lin-Manuel Miranda open for them) at a live podcast recording. Attended my high school reunion. Did tequila shots with my boss on my first day at a new job. Had an actual goddamn “sugar daddy,” briefly. Sold a sweaty T-shirt and socks to a fetishist. Went to a sex tradeshow with my fuckbuddy. Got spanked with a lightsaber. Slow-danced to a song about impregnation. Got accepted to speak at the Playground Conference. Received a strap-on blowjob from a pretty lady. Had two dates with two Twitter crushes in New York in one day (and then started dating both of them). Made out in a Breather. Did a knifeplay scene. Explored my domme side in earnest. Sexted from a TSA line. Went through NRE with two different people at once (a lot of crying ensued). Got hypnotized. FaceTimed with someone for 8 hours straight.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Last year I resolved to “make self-development and career development my top priorities, to make romantic/sexual decisions based on the maxim ‘quality over quantity,’ and to make more money.” I think doing the first two things is what enabled me to do the third thing (I earned twice as much money in 2017 as in 2016!) – focusing on love and sex only when it actually served me, and delighted me, freed up a lot of time and passionate energy for businessy pursuits. Next year I resolve to pitch more stories, travel more, further foster my friendships with femmes, write more helpful content, and save more money.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not that I can recall.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather, Rex Loring.

5. What countries did you visit? Just the USA (New York in January, September, and December; Alexandria in August). Within Canada, I spent a fair bit of time in Hamilton but was otherwise in Toronto the whole year.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? A specific goal for my savings. Some steps taken toward larger-scale writerly ambitions (like, perhaps, writing a book proposal and/or self-publishing an ebook). Maybe a long-term relationship of some description; I dunno, man.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory? January 25th – missed my flight back from New York February 10th – met my current FWB (and then, February 13th, banged him for the first time) April 22nd – Eric and Ashley’s wedding April 25th – first date with G, at Tell Me Something Good May 9th/10th – some disastrous poly stuff happened with G June 1st – started at my current dayjob August 3rd-6th – Woodhull August 11th – the hardest breakup I’ve been through in many years September 1st – moving day (and Brent’s show at the Horseshoe) September 8th – live MBMBaM show + coffee with Cady at Condé Nast September 11th – BirthdayBruises November 14th – got fired + talked to Dick a bunch November 29th – Vagic Tricks workshop December 13th – first dates with Dick + my Sir

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Professionally: Made twice as much money as I made last year. My dayjob remained under 25% of my income, with the other 75% coming from my more creative and self-directed income streams. Had clips in two prominent Condé Nast publications (Teen Vogue online, and Glamour online and in print). Sold 27+ sponsored blog posts. Personally: Made it through a horrendous breakup without dying. Got better at setting boundaries within my friendships and relationships. Successfully prioritized relationships and friendships with people who treat me well and actually deserve to be in my life.

9. What was your biggest failure? Putting up with men who walked all over me. (I feel like this is a recurring motif in my life, and in the lives of most women and femmes, honestly…) I also got fired from two different jobs this year. In both cases, they were minimum-wage jobs I didn’t really care about, wasn't well-suited for, and didn’t actually need, but still...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not really. I had the flu in September and struggled with mental health stuff all year, particularly in January and August, but was mostly fine.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Several things: My bright turquoise Coach tote, which I carried with me on numerous trips, sex-dates, photoshoots, etc. An app called Piezo which I use all the time for Skype interviews/podcast thingz. My knee-high Frye engineer boots (swoon) and rainbow glitter Doc Martens (swooooon). The V10 brush from BH Cosmetics (sooo useful for my brows on a daily basis!). Two Tarina Tarantino heart necklaces. A new mirror for my new apartment. Several adorable H&M dresses. My turquoise Seven-Year Pen. Lots of knitwear. A new Kindle. Weed. A microwave.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? My best friend Bex, and my family. (Hell, Bex is family at this point.) My close and supportive buddies Sarah, Suz, Dan, Tynan, Taylor, and Steph. The 4 boys with whom I am romantically/sexually entangled right now (gems, all of ‘em!).

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? The boy who broke my heart, and lots of Men On The Internet. Same old.

14. Where did most of your money go? Other than boring answers like rent and transit? Food and drinks, probably. I was more gluttonous than materialistic this year. I also spent a good chunk o’ change on tickets to things: theatre, airfare, classes, concerts, comedy, live podcast recordings...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Working with Glamour and Teen Vogue. The Adventure Zone and other McElroy content. Hitting income goals (seriously, I’m talking about money more often than boys in my journals recently, which is a FEAT). Hippo Campus and Nathan Stocker. Working on ye olde blog and podcast, as ever. Negotiating/exploring new kink stuff.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2017? First and foremost, Hippo Campus’ album Landmark, which I thrashed for almost the entire year. Related: their Warm Glow EP, and anything from their guitarist Nathan Stocker’s solo project Brother Kenzie. Beyond that: Coin’s How Will You Know If You Never Try?, Pinegrove’s Cardinal (which I listened to pretty much on loop while recovering from my brutal breakup in August), Grouplove’s “Do You Love Someone?”, Vampire Weekend’s “Horchata,” Panama Wedding’s “Uma,” Bombay Bicycle Club’s “Cancel On Me,” Betti’s “Ordinary,” Saint Motel’s “Puzzle Pieces.”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Happier. My heart got thoroughly broken this year but I feel stronger and more self-sufficient for it. thinner or fatter? A bit thinner. Who cares. richer or poorer? Soooo much richer. Your girl made some goooood biz decisions this year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Last year I wrote that I wished I’d gone on dates with more people, and woof, I sure met that goal in 2017. I went on 12 first dates, which is more than enough, thank you very much. I wish I’d spent more time chasing my creative impulses than my romantic or sexual ones. Although the latter kind of fueled the former for me, this year and every year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Thinking “I can and will put up with this [bad behavior/uncomfortable circumstance/shitty job]” when I couldn’t and shouldn’t have. Being depressed, but hey, what can ya do.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it exchanging presents and eating delicious meals with my family.

21. Who did you spend the most time talking to? Bex, Max, Brent, Sarah, my FWB, my two current long-distance beaux, and the dude who was my boyfriend for a bit.

22. Did you fall in love in 2017? Yeah, and I’m still pissed about it. Love is pain!! [tosses hair in the manner of a tortured goth]

23. How many one night stands in this last year? Two true one-night stands (defined as: we had sex the night we met, and never saw each other again), plus one additional person I had sex with only once but went on a second date with afterward.

24. What was your favourite TV programme? American Horror Story, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Bold Type.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I’m not thrilled with the guy who broke my heart, but I wouldn’t say that I hate him; that would involve more energy than I am willing or able to give to his memory at this juncture...

26. What was the best book you read? Fiction: I loved The Killer Wore Leather (Laura Antoniou’s murder-mystery set at a kink convention), Perfume: the Story of a Murderer (a truly haunting and viscerally olfactory novel by Patrick Suskind), and Sleeping Beauties (the creepy “what if every woman on earth fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up?” novel co-written by Stephen King and his son). Nonfiction: Laurie Mintz’s Becoming Cliterate was eye-opening, inspirational and fresh. Lisa A. Phillips’ Unrequited blew my fucking mind. I recently devoured Rachel Hills’ The Sex Myth and it’s wonderful.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I listened to a bit of Pinegrove last year because Sean recommended them on his blog, but it wasn’t until this year that I really got into them. I started inexplicably craving their music after I got my heart broken and it made me feel weirdly better for weeks afterward.

28. What did you want and get? A boyfriend/partner/daddy dom (though it didn’t last very long). More money than I have ever made before. Career expansion. Closer friendships. An invitation to do a live podcast recording at a conference. An apartment, with a rad roommate. More confidence and self-sufficiency. Interesting kink adventures.

29. What did you want and not get? A romantic relationship that was actually and enduringly satisfying to me in the ways that most matter to me. I feel like I write some variation on this here every year. It’s okay. It’ll happen when it happens. Also, I wanted to do a writing retreat and that didn’t happen, though I’m blessed enough that I take little mini writing retreats of sorts all the time anyway.

30. What was your favourite film of this year? I think the only new ones I saw were Wonder Woman, The Big Sick, and It, none of which I really loved that much. It wasn’t a big film year for me.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 25. At midnight I was in bed in a hotel in Hamilton, having been in the wedding of two of my best friends the day previous. I had invited a gentleman friend to come romance me in my hotel that night but he was sick and had to cancel, so I just spent the night in a hot bath and then cozy in bed. The morning of my birthday, I checked out of the hotel and took a bus back to Toronto. That evening, Bex and I got dressed up fancy, went for dinner at the Black Bull Tavern, and attended the Toronto International Porn Festival awards gala, which was a hot mess.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I can’t even think of anything. It was a satisfying year for me in many ways.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Low-effort femme. Lots of cozy colorful sweaters, denim shorts, stompy boots, crop tops, big hair, and kneesocks.

34. What kept you sane? My friends, my family, therapy, journaling, sex/kink/masturbation, my work, quiet introvert self-dates at bars/diners/cafés, hot baths,

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Nathan Stocker, Andy Samberg, Mark Andrada, Dan McCoy...

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Civil rights stuff, same as always. Gender equality and sexual equality and racial equality and all the equalities, basically.

37. Who did you miss? The two New York boys I’m currently romancin’, and Bex, pretty much always. And my ex, for a time.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Jordan, Adam, Thane, Cady, Logan (and several other babely bloggers at Woodhull), Todd, Dick, Matt, Eva...

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. Even people who claim they will never hurt you can hurt you. That’s depressing, but it’s also somewhat Zen, because if you deeply, truly know that anyone can hurt you at any time, you come to enjoy the non-hurting parts so much more while they’re happening. Again, this sounds super tragic but I actually find it so liberating and uplifting when I think about it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “Menfolk, they need their women, but women don’t need their men.” -Nellie McKay, “Just a Pose” “Maybe I would’ve been something you’d be good at. Maybe you would’ve been something I’d be good at.” -Tegan and Sara, “Call It Off” “It’s cold outside this evening, but warm between your sheets. We both wanted something we’re not likely to repeat.” -Paul Cook & the Chronicles, “Ships Pass” “Someone to talk to late at night. Someone who fits you right… Someone who makes your heart go boom boom boom. Someone you see across a crowded room. Someone who makes your heart jolt. Not some okay girl. A real thunderbolt.” -Paul Cook & the Chronicles, “A Real Thunderbolt” (I could’ve quoted this entire song here, honestly)

[doberbutts]

How old were you when you realized you were trans?

This is an interesting question for me to answer. Not because it's a bad question (though, bear in mind, everyone's "realization" comes at a different time in their life and no one story is exactly the same) but because of the way I was raised to regard the LGBT+ community.Way back when I was a wee baby at about 8 years old, I had to have my head shaved due to having damaged it with lye-based relaxer at a salon. For those who are unaware, many black women once upon a time (and some even still now, though it is becoming less common as we have better ingredients that don't BURN YOUR SCALP OFF) were *expected* to relax and straighten their hair in order to be regarded as available or beautiful, even by the black community. While we as a community still struggle with that today, more and more people are going back to the natural hair movement, and there is less overall pressure on young black children to have perfectly straight hair. However, at the time that I was around that age, the pressure especially for biracial children with white mothers who had no idea what they were doing with black hair to have straight non-frizzy hair was still very high, and so my sisters and I agreed to have our hair straightened so our mother could have a break trying to figure out how to care for it properly. Keep in mind this is also before the age of the internet when you could just look that stuff up nowadays. Lye relaxer was very common back then, and yes, it burns like hell. It also seriously damaged my hair and one of my sisters' hair (one sister is biracial like me, the other is not) and we both had to get our hair cut very short for it to heal afterwards. While my sister's hair was still long enough for her to style, mine was buzzed basically to my scalp.Being that I was already regarded as a tomboy child, interested in "boy things" like sports, videogames, pokemon, catching bugs, etc, and not as interested in "girl things" like makeup, jewelry, dresses, and more as my sisters were, and having the problem that black women are *always* read as more masculine and aggressive than white women, AND that black children are *always* read as older than white children that are the same age... strangers started changing the way they referred to me the second my hair was cut. Nothing changed about the way I spoke, dressed, or carried myself, just that my hair was now "boy hair". And yet, people started calling me a boy, referring to me as "young man" or "sir" or "that boy" or "he"... and I was honestly more startled by how right it felt than by the sudden change in how I was spoken to.I didn't know what being transgender was at the time. I didn't have anyone to talk to about that. No one I knew was any sort of LGBT+ (I had two friends at the time who later came out as bi, but that was in high school). All I knew about anything ~~~gay~~~ was that the LGBT acronym was somehow both synonymous with BDSM (which my understanding at the time was "gross dirty stuff bad adults do") and also with pedophilia (or, simply, "child molesters")- which you can thank my parents, Christian school, and church for- and that a lot of gay men and transwomen (which at the time was translated as "men who want to be women") died in cop shows on TV.So yeah, if I had had words for what I felt, or if I was surrounded by supportive people at the time giving me a proper education on the finer points of the LGBT+ community, that probably would be where I figured out that I was trans. Because I didn't, I just sort of... shrugged and moved on, I guess. I was a little girl, with little girl expectations, and little girl socializing, and that was fine.Fast forward to my first period and suddenly I was not so fine. I still had no words for it, but now I was *very* uncomfortable being regarded as a woman by the world at large.Eventually, after entering high school at 13, I confessed to an online friend (who was straight) and coworker that I really didn't like being called a girl while explaining why I'd made my online handle what it was. She then handed me off to a different online friend (who was pansexual), who I also had said uncomfortable conversation with, and she linked me to a transguy's blog back from the days of xanga and his journey with puberty, adolescence, T, surgery, romance...And then I knew. There are other people like me. I'm not broken. It's okay.From there I experimented a bit, I called myself Third Gender and Nonbinary for a while (folks who wonder why I use the asterisk, back then, if you didn't use the asterisk you were excluding NB genders. now apparently if you DO use it you're excluding. make up your mind, internet) and finally settled on transgender male, FtM. I was about 16 when I came out to my parents and my classmates. By then most of the friends I had were somewhere in the LGBT+ community, but mostly ace, bi, and pan people were those who made up my first experiences figuring my crap out.It's almost 10 years later and the internet is a much different place than it was back then. It's a lot easier to find yourself. It's a lot easier to find those who are like you. It still bothers me that there are not many transmen in the media- without looking, I found transwomen left and right, and though they were never great representation, they still told me that that was a possibility. But I found my first transman in MSM in Dragon Age, and he's been the only one, and I found him as an adult. I've wondered how many kids like me stayed repressed and desperate and uncomfortable in their own bodies until they figured out that they were not broken freaks.