#but who knows.. would be super great tho since i start grad school in the fall and that is going to take up A Lot of my time i think

[mangoisms]

did a 3-act outline for arañita wip... both the first fic and the second (the sequel which is so weird to me) and i think. we are ready to begin

at a good place with my reading for tim that i think i can stop; might need to reread red robin (2009) since the story will pick up shortly immediately after that but that's fine. i'll still keep reading but it's not gonna be like. The main thing stopping me. i finished reading no man's land which was the biggest obstacle and i outlined everything so.... it is Time

[aferalracoon]

THE BLACK BULLS IN HIGHSCHOOL

Ok so I found myself thinking "what role would each black bull fit in a very cheesy-typical-american-teenagers-film environment?" and my mind ACTUALLY developed something.

So here it comes, my very first personal and self-made headcanon!

Enjoy!

YAMI: THE DAD- I MEAN, THE TEACHER

He is teaching PE (duh)

All students call me him "coach"

He is actually coaching one of the high schools' teams as well - something like basketball or baseball

It is not even the first team but he refused to coach the first teams and likes to focus on who is left behind because not as talented. Even if everyone consider his boys as loosers he would never give up on coaching them

Since he is the coach the team has actually improved - everyone is surpassing their limits and he is so proud of them

Would give emotional support to the kids that are not comfortable in PE class due to bullying, clumsiness or body immage issues

EVERY student would go to him when they have some kind of issue

He gets real about everything with his students: sex, birth control, sexuality, mental health...

But he would never judge them and would always offer the best support

He actually saved lives because of that

Students would fight for him when other teachers bullshit about his reputation as he doesn't get along with the rest of the staff

He is dad

ASTA: THE SPORT BOY

He is part of a bunch of different teams and clubs, and he rules in every single one of them

However he prioritise American football, he is the starting running back and the team's star

Would already have a bunch of college scholarships if it wasn't for his marks

Like he actually tries so hard but he just can't cope with studying and homeworks

He avoids basketball, he is short and insicure about it (he would be great at basketball too tho)

Very popular and all the girls have a crush on him

But he doesn't have a clue

Doesn't like hanging out with his team mates, most of them are "lads-lads" and bullies

He actually fights them a lot

Lowkey geeky, he loves hanging out with the geeks gang and nerd all they long with them when he doesn't have sports commitments

They would help him improve his scholastic performance because this boi really needs help

BONUS: Asta worships coach Yami like a god and Yami ATTENDS HIS GAMES TO SUPPORT HIM

NOELLE: THE RICH GIRL

Extremely popular due to her family reputation

She is part of the elite group in school, meaning the rich kids gang

She would act very cold and distant as the group's etiquette requires

She is actually extremely sad and bored - those guys are not her friends, she hangs out with them just because she is supposed to, so she feels like she doesn't have any friends at all.

The only person she trusts and vibes with in her group is Mimosa

Has the hugest crush on Asta

The two of them eventually become close and she starts to hang out with him and his friends

Would never confess her feelings tho

Very smart, her marks are top ranking and she is planning to apply to a very expensive and fancy college after grads

Extremely clumsy and insecure when it comes to sports and PE but since she befriended Asta she is getting better at it

Loves reading and is secretly part of the book club, which she considers as her self-care and happy place

CHARMY: THE MASCOTTE

Everyone at school loves her

She is always cheerful plus she is so tiny and cute nobody could even think about not liking her

Not the best marks but she gets along with all teachers very well

Always organising some sort of bake sell to collect foundings for the school

Eats the bullies

Would join Zora in his pranking sessions by time to time but she would always have her way while Zora is getting all the troubles

Started the cooking club at school - there are not a lot of members but they have a very good time

Always brings her own food for lunch - she hates canteen's food

MAGNA AND LUCK: THE TROUBLEMAKERS

Constantly in the detention room after school

Skipping classes is their favourite sport

Always together

Magna is kind of quieter than Luck and most of the time Luck is the one that is providing chaotic energies to the duo

Magna on the other side doesn't do anything to stop him - he is very chaotic himself, just way more self conscious

Magna is slightly better at school than Luck and he would pass him homeworks and notes

Teacher's worse nightmare

But when it comes to Yami they would do their freaking best to impress him

Their uniforms are always messy

They had a makeout session in Magna's room once - it felt good but now they decided to do not talk about it

Just a lot of homoerotic vibes

GAUCHE: THE MISTERY GUY

Always quiet

Doesn't speak to anyone

Kind of rude when you approach him

Only has one friend: Finral

Girls really like him due to his looks and his misterious persona - but he cannot be less bothered

Nobody knows when his birthday is

His marks are really good

Loves history class

Plenty of his little sister's photographs in the inside of his locker door

Has a part time afternoon job in some coffee shop

Only studies at night

One time Finral conviced him to go to a party and he still considers it as the most ridiculous experience he ever had in his life

FINRAL: THE PARTY BOY

Cute as hell

Super bubbly personality, always cheerful

He studies the bare minimum and survives by being extra nice to teachers in order to get higher marks

Somehow this technique fails when the teacher is male

Befriended Gauche (nobody knows how) but his bestfriend is Vanessa

Had sex with half of the school

Girls would cry in the bathroom for him

He is actually very insecure and scared of commitment but the only person he would talk about it with is Vanessa

He is the CEO of public relations at school and in charge of all the social events

Lying drunk on the grass in front of the school after a ball with Vanessa while looking at the sky and talking nosense is one of his best high-school memories

VANESSA: THE PARTY GIRL

She is older than anyone else as she had to skip a couple of school years due to her difficult past

Only student that lives by herself

If Finral is in charge of social events at school, she is the queen of throwing private parties and her place

Attended class in hungover or still drunk a lot of times

However she menages to get good marks and invests time in studying and doing homeworks

Would like to attend college but thinks she is too stupid for that

FINRAL WOULD FLIP EVERYTIME SHE DARES TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT HERSELF

Boy crushes on her a lot but she is into older men

She goes to Yami's office everytime she has a mental breakdown due to her past traumas, she knows he would help her a lot - Finral and Yami are the only people who ever saw her cry tho

Wears her uniform in a very sexy way - and teachers disapprove that

Younger girls always go to her for beauty and dating advices

Bonus: Finral and Vanessa are like brother and sister and never ever had any type of sexual interaction - but nobody believes that.

ZORA: THE PRANK GEEK

Extremely smart, loves sciences

But his reputation among teaching staff is completely ruined due to his constant pranks

Like this guy could prank the principal himself and don't even care about it

He is actually planning to

Best detention pall with Magna and Luck

His tie is always undone

All the bad girls absolutely love him

Apart from playing pranks he is a big fat geek - he loves video games and often spends the weekends with Asta and the other geeks playing PlayStation all night long

Attends Charmy's cooking club quite often

Would skip classes just for the hell of it

Never attended a party

GORDON AND NERO: THE GOTH DUO (ALSO GEEKS)

Bestfriends, everyone thinks they are dating but they just vibe

Extremely good marks, they rule is chemistry class

They always pair up for projects and there is no competition

Very rare to hear them talking unless they are talking to each other

Spend lots of time at the library just being quiet and studying at the same table

Also love hanging out in their rooms listening to music or going to the comics shop

They absolutely love comics

Part of the geeks gang

Nero would spend hours reassuring Gordon after some girl that doesn't deserve him broke his heart

Gordon tries to find Nero a boyfriend at all costs and she doesn't understand why

Never skipping one of Asta's game

GREY: THE SHY GEEK

Absolutely hates PE

She always cries in the changing room before every single class

Yami knows how to reassure her tho

Only comfortable around her group of friends

Very good marks, she would love to study drama after grads

Big teather nerd, she loves the drama club and she is actually very good at it - it is also the only place where her shyness would completely disappear

Also extremely good at RPGs (like D&D)

Loves to organise RPGs sessions at her place with her group of friends

One time at school a guy flirted with her - she ran away and didn't show up for 3 days

She secretly admires Charmy for being so outgoing and sociable

She is also part of other clubs at school like book club and crafting club - these activities really sooth her

Actually enjoys sitting by herself in class if no one of her friends are there

Finds Luck and Magna extremely fun

HENRY: THE FRAGILE GEEK

He has a permission to skip PE due to health conditions - Yami makes sure that he is always included somehow so he won't feel lonely while his classmates are running around

Really good marks but his attendance is not the best

Loves literature class and loves reading

He read "The Lord of The Ring" 40 times

Also loves cinema and takes part to the cinema club

His friends would hang out at his place so he doesn't have to go out too much

when they go out they always make sure he's fine, is hydrated and not getting too tired

Asta would teach him how to throw a football

Always sitting in the first row in class

Would not take any bullies and roast the hell out of them within seconds

Loves to help other students with their homeworks

[couldbeasong]

1-60 for the ask meme

Ope sorry I did not see this until today. I think I know the one? If it’s not the one you meant just lmk lol

1. Selfie?

You can have this picrew but I wish to be unperceived.

2. What would you name your future kids?

For female names I like: Harmony, Slyvia, Edelweiss, Bethany, and Opal

For male names I like: Uriah, Aiden, Kai, Levi, and Luke

3. Do you miss anyone?

My grandpa and Midnight (old dog)

4. What are you looking forward to?

Going on vacation in a few weeks, the end of the semester, and seeing @calligraphywitch tomorrow

5. Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@calligraphywitch and my other girlfriend. They’re hilarious lmao

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Romantically? Not really. You kinda gotta just accept it and move on. In the past, always being like: this will never work because of reason xyz helps.

Friendship wise? Absolutely. It depends a lot on the emotional investment I put into the relationship, but I find myself still missing people I haven’t talked to since High School or Middle School.

7. What was your life like last year?

It was weird being a freshman in college and trying to survive. I had a lot of family problems going on along with one of my best friends from High School being on her death bed for a while. A bit of a crisis of faith as well. But we survived, God willing! I miss pre-pandemic times tho

8. Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

Ask my brother. I’m sure there’s been an instance.

9. Who did you last see in person?

My grandma across the room from me!

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I hide them so well I can’t even find them!

I like to pretend they aren’t there and repress them a lot but idk if I’m good at hiding them from others per say.

11. Are you listening to music right now?

I’m in a zoom meeting for class, so I guess my professor's voice?

12. What is something you want right now?

Freedom

13. How do you feel right now?

Kinda tired, kinda nauseous, kinda bored. Idk I probably need to drink some water.

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

Uhhhh idk about a week ago? My last hug was probably a week ago too XD

15. Personality description

I like to think I’m funny

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

I work in customer service- everyday (:

17. Opinion on insecurities.

Everyone is insecure about something. It’s kinda fascinating how even though all of humanity is exactly the same (in terms of our struggles and insecurities, we don’t vary) we still judge others for having them. Confidence is seen as a virtue and the most attainable goal. Society profits off of your insecurities tho so be aware of what they are and don’t let yourself be scammed.

18. Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Certain aspects perhaps. But 2019 is gone. It performed and then it left. It can’t hurt us or help us anymore. There’s little use in dwelling on that and wishing for 2020 to be 2019.

19. Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I swear Ima go one day and see a show on Broadway.

20. What is your favorite song at the moment?

I have like three I’m cycling between rn

When You’re Home from In the Heights

Wake Up by Jenny Owen Youngs

Together by For King and Country

21. Age and birthday?

Old enough to know better and October

22. Description of crush.

He’s super great and super intelligent, not to mention super in love with God. Frankly, he deserves better than me. I gotta lot of self-improvement that needs to happen, but we’ll see what happens XD

23. Fear(s)

Heights, drowning, spiders, super dark streets and rooms, not being good enough

24. Height

5′5″ respectfully

25. Role model

It’s changed through the various stages of my life. Rn tho a few of my Christian online friends

26. Idol(s)

I mean I stan Brian David Gilbert, but I don’t idolize him lol

27. Things I hate

Cheesecake, sickly sweet stuff, when someone grabs the receipt out of the printer even though it’s way more effort for them to do so than for me just to hand it to them and it throws me off of my rhythm, fudge

28. I’ll love you if…

You exist (and even not then because fictional characters just hit different lol)

29. Favorite film(s)

Tangled, Ella Enchanted, Enchanted, Howls Moving Castle, Princess, and the Pauper

30. Favorite tv show(s)

Brooklynn 99, Parks and Recreation, Ouran High School Host Club, My Hero Academia, and Bojack Horseman (I’m going through a phase with it rn lol)

31. 3 random facts

Blue is my favorite color, I own almost nothing in blue, people are better at identifying members of their own race better than members of other races.

32. Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Girls- they’re easier to talk to and approach. Tho I stan and love my guy friends. They are kings.

33. Something you want to learn

Everything? Idk I have an insatiable desire to learn and it switches. Consistently, I want to learn how to make my own clothes, play either piano, guitar, or violin, and detail cars.

34. Most embarrassing moment

Uggg I’m not talking about it and neither is @calligraphywitch

35. Favorite subject

I really enjoyed Statistics as much as I have hated it. My all-time favorite class I have ever taken tho was AP US Literature

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Graduate grad school, get married, travel overseas

37. Favorite actor/actress

uhhh probably Chris Pratt or anyone who was on Parks and Recreation. Tho Broadway actors, I love Christian Borle

38. Favorite comedian(s)

John Mulaney

39. Favorite sport(s)

I miss playing softball and volleyball so prolly those

40. Favorite memory

There are too many to count. But usually, involve good conversations under the stars after 2 AM.

41. Relationship status

Have a picrew of my sister and me. Keep scrolling and mind ya business (jk ily anon)

42. Favorite book(s)

The Bible lol but fictional book wise, I will always love the Warrior Cats series. Red Queen was pretty lit. The Hourglass Door gave me a love for time travel aus lol. And Library Wars is near and dear to my heart.

43. Favorite song ever

You can’t ask me thisssss

Idk Hope is what we crave by For King and Country

44. Age you get mistaken for

24-30 it depends on the context

45. How you found out about your idol

@calligraphywitch

46. What my last text message says

No xD not disney

47. Turn-ons

When you have a musical playing and the end of one song is the start of another so they bleed into each other. CHILLS or when a line of poetry just expresses how someone feels. OR when different parts harmonize just right

48. Turn-offs

When my computer deletes my homework right before it’s done

49. Where I want to be right now

In a little cabin in the woods

50. Favorite picture of your idol

51. Starsign

Scorpio

52. Something I’m talented at

Reading peoples emotions

53. 5 things that make me happy

Music, Friends, Deep Conversations, Hugs, and God

54. Something that's worrying me at the moment

So much to do so much to see

55. Tumblr friends

Friends and mutuals include:

@calligraphywitch @an-assortment-of-forks @repentance-brings-healing @synthetic-blanket-hairs @loneallegiance @boywiththewand @knightof-cups @a-lil-strawberry @linkedwolf @indygo @obnoxioushair

There’s plenty more than that and I love you all ^^

56. Favorite food(s)

Tacos, Crab Ragoons, Salty Foods, RICE

57. Favorite animal(s)

Wolves and cats

58. Description of my best friend

Artistic, beautiful, supportive, hardworking. She is hilarious and an amazing person. There’s so much to the many reasons I love her I just can’t do it in words

59. Why I joined tumblr

Back in the 7th grade, my friends all had one and helped set me up with one. And that’s that.

60. Ask me anything you want

You want nothing ig lol if you want to submit one I can answer it still

[ohsweetflips]

so!!! taz grad!!! holy shit!!!!!!!

spoilers under the cut!!!!!

FIRST OFF, i would just like to say: i said last episode that i did not trust the school taking the students’ items was WEIRD and UNTRUSTWORTHY and someone was like “but it’s the school’s money!” but i am calling this a “ha! told you!” moment bc now fucking higglemas used the glasses and knows about the portal!!!

second: this episode warmed my fitzrain heart :’)

third: my friend told me to make a notesheet of all my grad theories so that is also on my phone now asjksjksdkjd

NOW

A RECAP

fitzroy wanting to take the interdimensional cat with them just to mess with argo is. very funny.

but also i’m just gonna focus on the more “plot based” stuff bc i know im probably gonna end up making and reblogging shitposts abt the funny stuff

firbolg’s conversation with bartholomus made me :( especially when he was like “you need a goal for yourself because, once you all get out of here, you might find everyone else moving forward and yourself lost again” like first off, that hit hard in a way i didn’t expect it to, second i’m so :( abt the firbolg

and fitzroy!!! 

okay so my stance has been “i don’t trust hieronymous for shit” and that scene with higglemas almost confirmed it UNTIL THE LAST LIKE MINUTE but we’ll get to that

god i know the poison stuff was all griffin goofing but, fitzroy, please be careful

i fucking do not trust anything abt fitzroy being moved up to a villain anymore. like i was already kinda *side eye* but also thrilled bc i’ve talked abt wanting villain fitz since episode one, but now i’m just terrified for him

and, i still don’t know if he’s telling everything abt why he wants to be a knight, but fitz saying that he wanted to be a knight bc it’s fair was a very humble answer that i did not expect and, honestly? it shook me up

like, fitzroy is very hooked on good vs. evil & fairness and like.............. i’m so scared for fitzroy

i literally do not know what to think anymore abt higgs telling fitz to not trust anything abt wiggenstaff, especially hieronymous, bc higgs might be proving to be just as untrustworthy

also i’m keeping a note of how fitzroy constantly mentions how he does not want to go home and face his family

also i think fitzroy might officially be my fave, like, that fairness answer really got me

argo!!! and jackle!!! tbh i think the most important take away was jackle learning that argo will stick to his word once it’s given

which now proves to be very complicated and a bit concerning due to the ending and what is being asked of argo but... we’ll get to that...................

the party!!!! i love rainer and we are all rainer when we wake up on our birthday and our brain just goes “presents,,,,,,”

again, my fitzrain heart was warmed :’) and also fitz seemed disappointed that rainer was going to be heading back home so like :(

i also loved all the dancing and the other gifts and festo and i don’t mean to skip over them but i also really want to talk abt the last 20 minutes

buck!!! i love him!!!

buck!!! was super dishevelled!!! and my brain immediately went “well that’s concerning!!!”

and now leon’s missing!!! great!!! i have a huge theory for that but i’ll hit that at the end

i also like how griffin/fitz was like “i see him leaving” bc it’s canonical that fitzroy sees the outside world while meditating

but i also liked how both justin and griffin were like “we as players know what’s going on but there’s no reason for our characters to be suspicious”

the unbroken chain!!! cool!!! tbh maybe it’s bc i’m still so freaked by the ending but i don’t have much to say on that. the necklace part did get me a bit emotional tho :(((

SO THAT FINAL SCENE

let it just be known that, even tho justin was the one who thought to go to the library, travis almost had that entire scene planned out like he wanted it to happen, like he wanted the firbolg to tell the tortle abt the demons, AND NOW THAT TORTLE IS CONFIRMED TO BE A MEMBER OF THE UNBROKEN CHAIN

AND AFTER ARGO COMMITTED TO THIS GROUP AND PROVED THAT HE WOULD KEEP HIS WORD, THEY’RE ASKING ABT FITZROY

fitzroy... please be careful...................

AND THE FIRBOLG’S DREAM

so my friend said that it’s a memory, and that i definitely believe, and the rock is... something........ and higglemas was looking at the portal which is................... another something

AND LEON

here’s my theory: leon Knows something is going on with the school and he went to the heroic oversight guild with it, and higglemas took him out for it bc the h.o.g is the only thing that can deem heroes/villains evil and, if word gets out that hieroymous and higglemas are doing some shady stuff, they can lose their titles and rank and all the power they have accumulated for centuries. i started this episode being like "i dont trust hieronymous for shit but higgs is cool" and now i don't fucking trust either!!!!

also, my overall point: i will talk abt it until i run out of air that graduation’s main theme is “everything is not what it appears” and i think that is the most important thing to remember

as of rn, my top 5 is: fitzroy, argo, jackle, buck, and rainer

and i also have some theories and i am recording them also here:

see above for leon theory

wiggenstaff creates the problems in last hope/nua so that they can keep the hero/villain business going (i know we all goof abt accounting, but heros/villains are literally a business)

goodcastle is a real place

my friend thinks fitzroy is going to be the scapegoat for hieronymous/higglemas when shit starts to go wrong

the tortle is gonna bring the demon problem to the unbroken chain

there’s going to be a parents weekend where a bunch of shit comes to light abt argo’s mom, fitzroy’s family, the firbolg’s exile, buckminster’s dad (the iron lord), and rolandus’s dad (who is living in exile)

so i’m just thinking of this now but what if fitzroy is purposely being told to not trust the school so that he’ll be more likely to work against it

basically!!! i am terrified for literally every single student at wiggenstaffs and i do not fucking trust those brothers

[caatws]

tagged by @justanalto to answer some questions !! :)

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? it’s like a blueish/greenish color and has moana on it! i usually comb my hair so i bought that brush just bc it was moana themed a few years ago lol. i don’t use it often

2. Name a food you never eat. there are many.....#justchildhoodocdthings ermmmm i don’t eat a lot of snack foods like chips or goldfish

3. Are you typically too cold or too warm? too warm, esp these days bc the weather is hella warming up so i wake up feeling hot a lot

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? i was working on some post-grad work stuff and then crossed over into my roommates’ room to watch the facebook livestream graduation 2020 thing cuz miley was on singing the climb

5. What is your favorite candy bar? i love a good hershey’s special dark chocolate moment

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? yes, quite a lot actually! my mom is super into sports, so i grew up going to a handful of pro sports games - mlb, nba, and nhl. never nfl tho bc my mom said the price of tix wasn’t worth it LMAOOOO. also when the olympics are here in la in like 8 years i wouldn’t mind checking out some events here !!

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? i asked my roommate if she wanted me to close the door as i was leaving her room bc she was abt to hop on a zoom call

8. What is your favorite ice cream? chocolate.....esp if it’s dark chocolate which is Rare

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? starbucks peppermint hot chocolate bc i’m a basic bitch!!!!

10. Do you like your wallet? yeah, i only upgraded from my middle school wallet like back in 2018 to a normal adult looking one. it’s purple and has enough pockets for all my shit! still bulky tho

11. What was the last thing you ate? ....nothing LMFAOOOO lunch is usually my first meal of the day and i haven’t had it yet. but last night i had ramen for dinner

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? last time i bought clothes was i ordered one of the black widow hoodies from hot topic like a month ago....other than that i have not gone clothes shopping since pre-quarantine

13. The last sporting event you watched? i don’t even know....i didn’t watch the super bowl, so it’d either be some time my roommate was watching hockey on our tv or whatever sports my mom was watching when i was still home for winter break in january

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? KETTLE CORN!!!!

15. Who is last person you sent a text message to? i sent a pic of miley singing the climb on the fb livestream on my friend’s laptop to my fam being like “lol miley is our commencement performer!!!!” and my mom was just like cool

16. Ever go camping? yes unfortunately....never for more than a night at a time tho bc i literally Cannot

17. Do you take vitamins? no bc what is Health

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? used to back in the days of catholic school (pre college), but now no longer

19. Do you have a tan? nah bc we can’t go outside bro

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? chinese food 100% i personally think pizza is overrated

21. Do you drink soda with a straw? i don’t believe i ever do tbh

22. What color socks do you usually wear? i only own socks with colorful patterns/designs on them which is extra but very me i suppose

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? always! (a reasonable amount over tho, like within 5-10 mph over...this is average for californians, while many others speed hella)

24. What terrifies you? not a fan of heights nor uncertainty, and this pandemic has essentially destroyed my post grad hopes/plans and now i enter an uncertain future

25. Look to your left, what do you see? my bed, with a lot of stuff piled on top

26. What chore do you hate? all of them???? i guess doing the dishes mostly tho bc i hate the smell of wet dishes with food waste/residue on them and it just feels so gross i can’t

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? i think wow australia sounds like a wild country

28. What’s your favorite soda? orange soda 4ever

29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru if i can !!! but i don’t mind going in if there’s ample parking available

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? my roommate, when i asked if she wanted me to close the door LMAO

31. Favorite cut of beef? all of them????? i’m not picky with meat dsflkbn

32. Last song you listened to? as i was driving back into my garage the radio station i was listening to started playing sugar we’re going down which threw me for a time loop

33. Last book you read? i’ve been reading fanfic mostly recently so ig whatever the last thing i read for my internship weeks ago was, it would be that

34. Favorite day of the week? even tho time doesn’t matter in quarantine, i’ll always be a friday stan

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? i used to be decent at it but i’m out of practice now. i’ll try to just type it rly quickly and see: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba (ok so this took me like 5ish secs to type so that’s p good!)

36. How do you like your coffee? i don’t! i just drink peppermint hot chocolate :^)

37. Favorite pair of shoes? my doc martens, but they are now out of season for most of the rest of the year bc i live in southern california where it’s Hawt so i probs won’t wear them again til december

38. The time you normally go to sleep? sometime between 1 and 3 am

39. The time you normally get up? sometime between 9 and 11 am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets are dope!!!

41. How many blankets on your bed? three, including my sheet, comforter, and a small quilt

42. Describe your kitchen plates. some are just round and plain white, some are round and white with a red decorative border, one is a pokémon plate meant for children that i bought cheap at target

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? piña colada!!! but if i’m trying to get drunk i need vodka or somethin

44. Do you play cards? not much tbh! my apartment has been on a mahjong streak as of late

45. What color is your car? silver!!

46. Can you change a tire? no i’m useless but also my parents believe i’ll get murdered if stuck on the side of the road (which is possible) so they’d prefer me to call aaa for help

47. Your favorite province? uhhhhhhh no provinces here in the u.s. but canada has provinces and i went to british columbia (to visit vancouver) once as a kid so???? if we talking states tho y’all know i will die for california

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had? honestly my job at my school’s mail center this past year was rly cool! my boss was so great and the other student workers were chill, so it was a nice environment and i enjoyed learning all these mail-related skills

49. How did you get your biggest scar? i have no scars ;))))

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? i had my final appointment with my therapist from my school since i graduated, so i thanked him for working with me the past year and a half!

i tag: anyone who wants to do this, i’m lazyyyyy hehe so feel free to steal!!!! i wanna read y’all’s answers

[youtoldmenottobelikeanybodyelse]

so uuuhhh... I've been MIA for a while now... like almost a year I think? I don't even remember now lmao

so if anyone cares, here's life updates (?) I guess:

-passed my first two semesters of college (somehow) and made it to the third one where I'm currently dying, don't know if I'll pass this one tbh

-got over my nerves and on stage. and said words. and it was pretty cool. I like emceeing. Might do it more.

-left my college band because they were such bitches. like half of us left because we'd had it with the drama. and low-key started to develop feelings for one of the people I left with (and he didn't reciprocate, obvs)

-i got sucked into the world of unpaid internships and it was a ride and a half. I had one internship where I worked hard asf and made good content for no money and low-key sexual harassment (nothing too serious but enough to make me leave), and another one group of coworkers who were the fucKING BOMB if I could work with them full time, I would

-made some good money on another paid internship, and saved all of it for a solo backpacking trip for when I graduate.

-got a little bit into philosophy. and business. which is a weird combination, I know.

-took my first break from guitar since I started playing, and saw my mental health take a hit. it's weird to be THAT emotionally dependant on a wooden box but I can't seem to help it

-went through a period of extreme highs and lows with my mental health, and really wanted to die again. still not totally recovered from that, tbh.

-tried to drop out and go to that dream uni that rejected me last year, but got waitlisted and didn't make it by a tiny ass margin

-totally isolated myself from everyone in my school

-i think I've developed some form of social anxiety (idk tho) but I don't know if I can call it anxiety, I'm just super super uncomfortable and self-conscious being around people these days and I don't know why (even if they're my best friends)

-got introduced to the world of alcohol tipsys and smoking highs. pretty fucking great, tbh. if cigarettes didn't kill me, I'd probably be a chain-smoker by now, but they do, so I'm keeping it under control. wouldn't recommend cigarettes at all tho. but alcohol tipsy is fuckin amazing. I've discovered I'm one of those lucky few that doesn't puke while drunk, or get hangovers at all (well, for now) so I tend to go all out there. still haven't tried weed (for some reason). I tried hookah and didn't really like it (fucking expensive + no high = literally why the fuck), but people keep telling me I'll like weed.

-tried to do photography and filmmaking. I got my first camera recently but I'm extremely shit at handling it, but I want to learn.

-got appointed to some positions of responsibility in my school. and I'm a little proud of myself. but I'm low-key convinced I only got it because no one else applied for the position.

-have to start applying to grad school next year and do shit like GREs now and I'm honestly NOT READY

[otakween]

Parasite Eve (The Novel) - Review

And now, for something completely different. I realized that with my main Project Alpha (watching all anime in alphabetical order) I would be missing out on somethings that don’t have anime but are still otaku related. Therefore, I will be doing two side projects for A. video games that don’t have anime and B. manga that don’t have anime. I’ll probably add other projects as I go. 

First game alphabetically on my list for video games is Parasite Eve (thanks to 3rd Birthday). Turns out, the game is actually a sequel to a novel. Instead of reading it and then writing a review, I decided to review as-I-go so this post will be pretty lengthy.

Thoughts:

Part 1 Prologue & Development)

-The vibes I’m getting from this are Frankenstein combined with Junji Ito (yes, I know he adapted that recently). The mysterious heat thing feels distinctly J-horror. Maybe because they’re so into body horror?

-I’m still not sure if “Parasite Eve” is supposed to refer to a woman or an event. Maybe that’s the point?

-So main “villain” is kind of omnipresent microorganism who can control minds? I hope they explain how it works eventually

-Holy research, Batman! All of the medical and scientific scenes are really impressive to me. They feel like they were written by a real doctor. I want a “making of” feature lol.

-Creepiest bits so far are the opening car accident (reminded me of Bird Box a little) and the extremely in-depth surgery descriptions definitely had me feeling squeamish

-The characters already feel well-developed and distinct. I can tell because I’m having no trouble remembering their names lol

-I know it’s all medical necessity but the transplant scenes did feel very violating. It was also creepy that the author chose to describe a braindead woman’s body in vaguely sexual terms

-The politics about braindead bodies in Japan vs. America adds a really interesting layer to the story. Also, the feelings of people who experience failed transplants. These are both things I had never really considered. It’s attention to detail like this that makes this story feel more realistic and immersive.

-I’m wondering how the “villain” will manifest herself? Is it going to be like Tomie where she grows put of the organs? Is she going to possess the donors or become a clone of Kiyomi. We’ll see!

Part 2 (Symbiosis)

-Okay, now I have a much better idea of how “Eve” works. The descriptions of her taking over her host’s body and mind were nice and creepy. The horror of the situation is that it’s not really something you could report or ask for help without seeming crazy and being locked up or put on drugs.

-I said the first part reminded me of Junji Ito and Frankenstein. This second part reminded me of Get Out, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Saya no Uta. I guess I could throw in Brain on Fire as well with all the memory lapses.

-I much prefer the subtle horror of the novel to the monster-attack style horror. I found the scene where Asakura is attacked by Eve just felt really cheesy. It was one of those horror scenes where the victim is being attacked by a very slow moving creature and they probably could have escaped like a million times. Her immediately kneeling down on a mug she shattered also felt pretty silly.

-So Eve is mitochondria? I guess? And she’s existed since the beginning of time but needed science to progress to where it is today to help her evolve. That’s creative but pretty out there. It’s confusing because she obviously has to be more than one mitochondrion at once and she also refers to other mitochondrion as her sisters even though they both came from Kiyomi. I guess I’ll just try not to overthink things…

-Things suddenly got very sexual at the end of part 2 and I cannot unsee certain things D: I’m not really sure what Eve’s end goal is here. Is it just to be all yandere for Toshiaki or does she want to take over the world as a new species or something?

-I really enjoy how much insight we’re getting into Mariko and Kiyomi’s characters. Horror is always more effective when you care about the characters and understand who they were before everything went wrong.

-Pretty stupid of Mariko to not take her pills, it’s kinda hard to see her side of things on that one. It’s interesting to see her dad and the doctor grappling with this trouble child.When they called her behavior “autistic” it was kind of jarring though. Not sure how I feel about that.

Part 3 (Evolution)

-Oh…OH. Okay. I was warned that this book is trippy and this is where stuff starts to go DOWN. Where’s my brain bleach…

-F’real though, the 3rd part was basically nonstop madness and body horror. I was on the edge of my seat but also cringing throughout the whole thing. I must have been quite the sight reading this on the train, I could just feel my eyes widening at some of the more out-there scenes.

-So it gets extremely sexual and there’s some rape going on which of course is always hard to read. It makes sense for the plot tho so I was ok with it. Logically, Eve 1 would need to “evolve” through reproducing. Some of the descriptions made me kind of side-eye the author tho like “Are you enjoying this a little too much?” I dunno. it was just a lot.

-Really intense body horror. The descriptions of people slowly dying by fire were especially lovingly crafted (lol). I liked that they explained the logic behind mitochondria having that ability and compared it to spontaneous human combustion

-Team Toshiaki was pretty badass at the end there, working together to save Mariko. I’d be on the next plane out of the country lol

-I’m glad Toshiaki was redeemed in the end. It’s not like he really did anything wrong since he was basically brainwashed.

-I wonder if any book characters will appear in the games? I don’t know how far apart the stories are but it would be fun to get some cameos. I wanna see Mariko come back for revenge lol

-What crazy person thought this would make a good video game??? I mean, good for them, but if I didn’t know already about the franchise I would not be reading this thinking “mm yeah. Awesome game material right here.” It’s mainly science and practically all-powerful mitochondria monsters. And you fight those with guns or something? Okaaay…

Epilogue

-Dang! Major jealousy feels. I wish I was graduating grad school rn (but 6 years…damn. I could never be a research student).

-Of course it ends with a super complicated scientific explanation. I’m really glad it did though. I didn’t really understand what was going on with the male-female thing.

-Typical horror movie sting foreshadowing sequels at the end. Creeeeepy.

-It’s pretty hilarious how Asakura is like “man, what a year amirite??” YOU CAUGHT FIRE AND WERE ATTACKED BY A MITOCHONDRIA BLOB THAT KILLED YOUR MENTOR!

-Oh snap. The book has a bibliography. Mad props to the author who of course has his PhD in pharmacology. It’s always great when super smart people create something like this for us plebes.

I’m super glad I read this! I don’t read a ton of horror (even though I’m a big horror movie fan) and this was a great re-introduction into the genre. Although I found it a little over-the-top at times (borderline cheesy) it was super smartly written and refreshingly original. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the franchise has in store for me!

I give Parasite Eve a 8.5 out of 10

[dancerstudying]

first semester: grades + some thoughts

hi friends! so, I just finished my first semester of college (aka university to those of you not in the US). after a week of finals and lots of stress, I’m now at home, safely ensconced in the couch doing as little as possible. however, final grades were due today, so I thought I’d take a moment to run through what my grades were and kind of reflect on them. I wanted to do this both bc I thought it could give people a better idea of the transition b/t high school and college grades-wise, and also as a record for myself.

a note/disclaimer:

if you don’t want to know what my grades were, you don’t have to read this! I’m not trying to brag and I don’t want this to be something to compare yourself to! everyone is on their own path and has their own definition of success -- a bad grade for me might be a great one for you, and vise versa.

also, this will probably get pretty long. grab a snack.

some background about grades in the US

grades are given on a scale from A to F, with A being the best and F being a fail (we skip E tho idk why). grades are based on a combo of exams, quizzes, assignments, and essays, with the specific percentage/which of these counts determined by the professor. this varies from school to school or even from class to class but generally the scale is

A: >93.3%

A-: 90-93.3%

B+: 86.7-89.9%

B: 83.4-86.6%

B-: 80-83.3%

ok I’m tired of typing things out but you get the point. this pattern continues in the 70s for C and the 60s for D. usually anything below a 60 is an F (fail) but again this can depend. some classes are graded on a curve, where the grade boundaries are moved either up or down so that the majority of students get a B-/C+, which is supposed to be the average. this prevents grade inflation and also helps you out if the class is very difficult and test averages are in the 50s or 60s (pretty common for classes like organic chemistry).

some background about my grades in high school

I feel like this info is important for context and also to give an idea of the academic level I generally operate at (okay that sounds v pretentious). anyway, it’s pretty generally expected that you can expect to see a drop in your grades from high school to college. this differs based on a ton of things, but almost everyone experiences it so it’s totally normal and to be expected! anyway, I went to a fairly competitive and well-ranked public (government funded) high school, and I grew up in a well-educated university town, so I felt I was pretty prepared for college. I took mostly AP/honors courses and ended with a 3.95 GPA (unweighted) when I graduated. basically, I was almost a straight A student with a few Bs in there (thanks to pre-calc and AP Spanish). 

I’m now at a fairly selective school, though not anything close to the Ivy League -- I think the acceptance rate for my class was 17-18%. of course, selectivity is not a great indicator of how difficult classes are, as many selective schools (particularly Ivy Leagues) have rampant grade inflation.

my majors are neuroscience and dance and I’m on a pre-med track.

anyway, let’s get down to the nitty gritty: my grades this semester.

early modern England (3 credit hours): A- 

I took this course because I placed out of introductory writing but still needed a writing-intensive course and it seemed interesting enough. honestly, it was much more difficult than I expected. I consider myself a fairly good writer, but the professor I had for this course was a tough grader for papers. I did manage to get an A on my final paper which was a victory. after easily getting all As in writing and history classes in high school, an A- is a little hard to accept. however, I worked really hard in this class and am honestly satisfied with my grade as I know most people do not do as well in this class. it was also a 2000 (sophomore level) class, so I was definitely being challenged.

intensive ballet IV (3 credit hours): B+

so, this is my lowest grade. at first, I was really disappointed by it, but it is a 4000 level course (mostly juniors and seniors) and we’re graded based partially on skill, so I have to accept it and move on and just hope to do better next semester as I’m taking ballet IV again. I know I could have worked harder in this class so I’m not going to complain about it, just learn from it and try to improve.

intro to cell & molecular biology (3 credit hours): A

this is probably what I’m proudest of. this class is known for being a true weed-out course for pre-meds and most people just hope to pass, but I got an A! it feels especially good because I know I worked hard for it and didn’t just skate by on natural intelligence. I also hadn’t taken biology since freshman year of high school so there was a steep learning curve. I didn’t just do well, I honestly learned so much and doing well in this class confirmed for me that pre-med is the right choice.

general chemistry I - lecture (3 credit hours): A-

I have such a complicated relationship with chemistry, and honestly, I’m really glad I’m done with this class. I hate to blame professors but sometimes you just get a really bad one and this was one of those cases. his lectures were extremely disorganized and he didn’t explain things clearly at all. it’s partially my fault that I didn’t get an A, though, as I definitely could have put more time and thought into studying, especially for the final. it was just so hard to stay motivated when I could barely follow lectures. I have to take gen chem II next semester but thank god I have a different professor.

general chemistry I - lab (1 credit hour): A

not much to say about this one. I’m happy to have gotten an A since it really intimidated me at first -- lab in college is way more serious than in high school. I learned how to write a proper lab report which is an important skill as a science major.

honors colloquium (1.5 credit hours): A

I loved this class soooo freaking much. everyone in the honors program has to take a first year seminar and I chose one about modernism and if it’s still relevant to the contemporary world. it was also a discussion based class which I love and I got to write my final paper on literally any topic I wanted and how it was related to modernism (mine was about the modernist search for identity in The Handmaid’s Tale, and I’m so proud of that paper, especially considering I wrote it the day it was due). anyway, not a super hard class, but still proud of that A.

urban sociology (3 credit hours): A

another class which I loved. I found it kind of easy as it was mostly memorization of concepts and theorists and I have a good memory, but I did put more effort in than I would have to an “easy” class in high school, and was rewarded by getting 100% on the final! would highly recommend sociology to literally anyone -- I’m taking another sociology class next semester and am considering a minor in it.

dance company (1 credit hour): A

this is like, not a real grade because dance company isn’t even a real class -- it’s just on my schedule so I can get credit for performing in the fall dance show. I’m pretty sure everyone who shows up to rehearsals and performances gets an A. regardless, I’m happy for the boost to my GPA.

so that’s it! overall, I ended with a 3.7925 GPA. I have to confess that it is slightly lower than I would have liked, but I’m overall happy with my efforts considering this was my first semester of college. my class load next semester is a little bit lighter, both in terms of credits and in terms of difficulty of classes, so that will hopefully make things a little more manageable. I have to have a 3.6 by the end of this year and a 3.8 by the end of sophomore year to stay in the honors program, and considering I’m almost at a 3.8 now I think it’s completely doable. 

I hope this was useful to those of you who are starting college soon. obviously this differs from school to school and especially if you’re not in the US, but in general you can expect a slight dip in your grades. it shouldn’t be anything dramatic if you can keep organized and on top of things, but there are a lot of transitions associated with starting college so don’t feel badly if things don’t go according to plan! you have time to make up for it, and med schools/law schools/grad schools know that grades your first semester of freshman year are not necessarily fully reflective of your abilities and will likely pay more attention to your grades later on.

thanks for reading this whole rambling thing! also, I might make a separate post about differences in grades between high school and college (how things are weighted, harshness of grading, etc.) so let me know if you’d find that helpful!

[mermaidsirennikita]

are you an art historian? sorry if I got that detail wrong but I was wondering if you knew how people know the identity of a person in a portrait? For example, how do you know if a medieval portrait is of the queen or a noble and not an imaginary person or someone unknown? sorry if my question makes no sense

No, it’s a good question!  And I wouldn’t call myself an art historian yet, but I’m a tentatively aspiring one.  I might be one later if I do a fuckton more research and/or… get up the energy for grad school.  But I have my B.A. in art history!

SOOOOOO, spiel below.

Unless there’s an inscription, note, title, etc. written on the portrait it’s technically impossible to be 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt sure about a sitter’s identity…  I actually ranted about this eons ago because people on Tumblr are super desperate to find new portraits of Anne Boleyn (why Anne?  why not literally any other famous lady whose face has been largely lost to history?  because she’s Anne Boleyn, and since several probably authentic images have not proven that she’s super foxy hot people are looking for something that will).  It usually takes years for art historians to come to a consensus about the identities of unidentified sitters, and EVEN THEN, people still argue about it.  I’m sure this painting of Mary, Queen of Scots took tons of effort to uncover and based on what little I’ve read there’s great reason to believe that’s Mary (it even looks like other images we have of her) but I’m sure someone will write an article about how it’s REEEALLY someone else entirely.  I researched Lady with an Ermine by Leonardo da Vinci for my capstone project, and even tho we have letters from Cecilia Gallerani, a mistress of the man most likely to have commissioned the portrait, saying “yeah so you have this portrait of me painted by Leonardo when I was younger” clearly referring to Lady with an Ermine… but there will still be outliers who say it isn’t her.

So.  In more conclusive cases, there will usually be records in place that let us know that a portrait was commissioned in the first place.  In the case of Isabella d’Este, we know that she was after Leonardo to paint her portrait and that it never happened but was in the planning stages–which leads to the conclusion that there are probably preliminary drafts in existence.  You find a preliminary draft of a woman matching Isabella’s general description and age, dating to the right time…  You can probably guess that the woman is Isabella.

Today, we also have technology that can help us guess how old a work is–it’s way harder for forgers to do what they once did because art historians can test for pigments and other materials that were only in use for certain time periods, and that helps narrow down the era.  Before then, there were stylistic notes that could give you an idea of when a painting was made.  For example–prior to the popularization of the three-quarter pose by artists like Leonardo, female sitters of Italy were usually in profile.  So if you find a portrait of an Italian lady sitting in a three-quarters pose, you can probably date the portrait to the late fifteenth century or later–and then you go into things like her style of dress, etc.  Style of dress goes a long way towards identifying a person’s place of origin, especially for women–English women dressed very differently from Italian women of the same era, and so on.

Most European portraits were of a certain class, up until some artists and patrons started playing around with everything from idealized peasant scenes to like... the proto-gritty shit Rembrandt dabbled in.  This is especially true for Catholic nations.  You had to be AT LEAST of the upper middle class to afford to commission a portrait, and for that matter, many artists tended to court a certain specified clientele.  Raphael spent much of the prime of his career working for the pope, and so that meant that he spent a lot of time in Rome, and that in turn meant that he was often in the service of glittery rich Romans.  Now, does this mean that the sitter is always rich?  No.  Raphael also painted a famous nude, La Fornarina, and the sitter was quite possibly his lower-class mistress.  But in that case, the person commissioning the painting was probably a rich guy who wanted a nude, and Raphael was like “fuck yeah getting a chance to paint Margarita naked and get paid for it, life is sweet”.  Patrons normally had $$$, basically, so if we see a typical portrait we know that we’re looking at that class, most likely, and the more expensive the portrait looks, the richer the sitter (and the patron) likely was.  Rarer pigments indicate more money spent, more detail on the clothing equals greater $$$.

When it comes to incredibly important families, there are spmetimes dead giveaways.  Bronzino’s portraits of Cosimo de’ Medici I’s household often featured details like rubies and pearls among the women, which one art historian I read from theorized was a signature of the Medici at that point in time.  It wasn’t unusual for women in particular to wear emblems of their families, because the portraits of them were usually commissioned by fathers or husbands, and essentially these were ownership tags.  That’s what Cosimo was doing, most likely.  If you know the artist–in this case, Bronzino–you probably know where they worked at a certain point in their lives.  If you know when the painting was executed, you know the artist was probably in X city.  Who would be most likely to employ Artist X during that time?  A small cluster of families.  You sort of have to narrow it down.  Most important families of Europe also had coats of arms, which can show up in their paintings–but unfortunately these are often the first to deteriorate and they begin to look similar.

When an artist was painting a famous sitter like Mary, they might include her initials somewhere, maybe in the case of a king or queen with a good Rex or Regina for measure.  Kings and queens are often given little identifiers, too, though these aren’t always consistent.  In several portraits of Mary her hands are emphasized because beautiful hands were prized at the time, Mary was considered a beauty, and so on (also Elizabeth’s hands were rumored to be scarred after her bout of smallpox, and whether or not this was exaggerated I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a dig after her reign began).  Mary is also often depicted in widow’s wear; now, this doesn’t mean that she wore those clothes often, but she was an iconically beautiful young widow after her first husband died, and then she *oh so tragically* lost another…  A lot of artists probably worked off of one painting Mary actually sat for in widow’s wear to have shopped around to potential suitors.  From what I read of this newly discovered portrait, Mary probably never sat for it; it was a tribute/propaganda piece by a support, and most likely the artist was working off of copies.

It’s kind of like how many portraits of Elizabeth I during her reign depict a few of the same things; grand red hair, magnificent clothes and jewels, flawless skin, dark eyes, the same basic facial features.  Did Liz have the time to sit for umpteen portraits?  No!  And she didn’t want to.  She didn’t want the reality of her aging appearance, she wanted the iconic Elizabethan image circulated, and so it was.  Art historians can later pick up on the commonalities between these propaganda pieces and figure out who they’re of.

In the case of this newly discovered work, I imagine the art historian also did a lot of research about the patron’s potential ties to Mary, the political climate at the time, whether or not the artist had materials to work from regarding Mary’s appearance, and so on.  Like I said, the painting looks like Mary, though that… doesn’t necessarily mean much–but the eyes are similar to the other portraits we see, the profile is right, her hair is styled as it was in other paintings, the outline of the clothes seems fine.

Basically, there is soooo much that goes into “proving” a sitter’s identity and even then you’ll never be 100% right in the eyes of everyone.  For years, people thought a portrait was of Katherine Howard, and recently that was debunked.  Everyone shops that portrait of a blond lady with one tit out as Lucrezia Borgia; it’s not.  Identifying people is cool but for a lot of art historians it’s somewhat irrelevant, because we’re more looking at what a portrait reflected about the times and that’s why Mary’s identity IS relevant in this particular case.  Going back to the Secret Anne Boleyn Painting conspiracy theories–people just wanna see a hot Anne there, and that’s what’s frustrating.  By showing us Mary here, this art historian has also given us an example of people showing their support for this embattled queen through propaganda commissions, and for that matter getting scared and covering it up.  That speaks to the political, social, and cultural goings-on of the time.

Some art historians love to find SEKRIT IMAGES because that sells books, but when you ask a lot of professors “do you think that’s a portrait of JANE SEYMOUR” or whatever they’ll probably be like “eh idk man”.  The identity is less important on its own than it is as it relates to the reasons by a commission.  I mean in my case the identities of portraits I studied in school were only really relevant in that I was able to discuss the political constructions that wives and brides became in one Italian court.  Otherwise identity didn’t matter at all.  And tbh, that ambivalence towards identifying people probably makes it even harder for the art historical world to come to a consensus on ANYONE.  But this new discovery sounds pretty solid and honestly, it’s really cool.

[cheswirls]

a quick sum-up of che’s future career plans, bc reasons

im halfway through the dive!! anime show that came out this summer season, and i’m having a lot of thoughts, and plus i finished going through all the footage i missed today of skate america while i was at a bball game, and it’s made me realize different things i guess? 

it might be mid-long length so its going under a cut, but to gain intereststart off, this is all about my desire to be an athletic trainer for the usa olympic center at colorado springs, co !

ive been an at(now when you see that abb. you know what it means hah!! not assistant teacher hmm) student since my freshman year of high school, and i’ve loved it a whole bunch. back then i was set on going to columbia U for their writing program, and i wanted to major in graphic design afterwards/during/it wasnt super planned out i was a fr. i didnt know what bfa or mfa stood for yet. it wasnt until end of sophomore year than i thought about being an at for realsies.

but i also still loved gd. so there was a confliction there.

junior year i took a break from working volleyball in the fall and did my one and only year of football and it was terrible primarily bc the team i worked with didnt know how to function as a group and half the group were selfless bitch whores but like thats another storyyy, secondly bc i jus really discovered i didnt care abt football at all. it was mostly for the experience and i gained it and i liked it bc i hung out w a lot of people from helping out w varsity (i was one of two our of the five juniors that had been there since my fr year and was only on jv bc it was my first year w football, but one of the seniors had to work a bunch so when they needed an extra person i was the one w the most experience so i was w them a lot,) point was it was fun!!! and you have fun w ppl you like that you dont work w all the time and i shouldnt say fun bc lots of times it was awful,

basically! it was fun being w the varsity trainers which were the seniors and the other junior that had been around since fr year. volleyball was fun but it had always been a one-at-student-per-team sport , so it was different jus being w other ats that shared the same team and not the same sport(which in the us is made up of at least three different teams, a fr,jv,and varsity). it was a more open environment and so it inspired a lot of talk with the at grad students we had that semester (we got 3-4 every semester in a partnership w the D1 uni in town, it was always cool to hear stories from them!) and anyway i remember talking w a couple of the grads one practice and we were discussing all the different occupations athletic trainers could have, and what they wanted to work with in the future, and the topic veered towards professional sports and the olympics.

i thought it was really cool when we were talking about it, and then we got busy and it flew out of my mind. i dont remember when it came back and became a focus, but sometime before my senior year, i had decided i wanted to work at the olympic level.

real quick i mentioned gd and the struggle, so to bring that into focus, my junior year i took a whole bunch of different tech classes (gd&i, compsci, webtech) and in one of those, i had the opportunity to go to a ... i cant remember what the term was for it, but it was kinda an event for gd students and it had a little competition and stuff, and it was really fun! nd you got a lot of info abt the community college hosting it and i learned their program was really good, so the gd versus at internal struggle continued, and i remember talking to my sponsor teacher (she actually taught all three of my tech classes that year aaa i loved her) about how i didnt know what to do and shit and i dunno what she told me but like, i think she was trying to be encouraging but she basically said it was up to me, like she didnt try and nod me into a direction, that i can recall.

so SOMEHOW bc i honestly cannot remember, by senior year i’ve decided that im gonna jus fuck it and pick BOTH and double major in gd and athletic training. AND i had it all planned out, where i was gonna get a degree in gd and open up an online business, and then go into a masters program for at and then enter into the olympic field. 

by this point creative writing is still cool and a great hobby but i couldnt possibly double major AND have a minor that’d be too much. id still love to take a cw course tho one day.

basically a buncha crazy stuff happened that first semester but by winter break i had an acceptance letter to a uni a couple hours north of home with a good accredited undergrad program (accredited basically means you graduate w a masters in four years so its fasttracked which woulda been great but uh..) and by the time i found out that next semester that they were doing away with the accredited program i was already too emotionally invested to consider panic-switching(panic bc it was february and id already been admitted hah...) but i decided it’d be okay. basically if you dont remember/werent around one of my school’s head ats died in a car crash died around early october ‘16. she went to undergrad where i go now, and i’d talked to her about it september that semester wondering if she knew anything abt their program and uh surprise, she’d done the same program small world. after the funeral in november and a ton of thought i applied there. (november was.. crazy in general last year. rly crazy)

may was when i started adding on sports to the future olympics job, bc i started thinking about it and after finally getting a friend to watch yuri on ice, he started making his was through all of sochi’s figure skating stuff, and then the 2010 vancouver olympics, and i decided i wanted to recap a bit on that too.

the 2010 olympics was really my first experience with figure skating. i’m a west texas gal and so theres not a lot out here to get exposed to, so seeing these best-of-the-best class sports was fun, and the earliest experience i can remember of such. i was in fifth grade so i dont remember a ton, but i do remember being captivated by korea’s yuna kim, who won gold that year in fs. shes an fs legend at this point, so if you’re into figure skating and don’t know who she is, go look her up. you wont be disappointed.

in 2012 was the london olympics. i remember a lot from it, like watching the opening ceremony with my parents and seeing the queen jump out of a helicoptor(which is like,, still cool to this day wow) and being fascinated my michael phelps and all the swimming he did so grandly. it was also my first real exposure to diving. the oldest i could recall anything abt the sport was at a pizza hut somewhere.. in town i think, and i was w my best friend at the time and my mom was there so i think maybe we were on the way back from the lake??? sounds right, i think. and we were talking abt how i always held my nose when i went underwater bc i didnt know how to not get water all up my nostrils and be underwter(and i still dont to this day aha) and she mentioned like, joining a diving team would be cool! would help me get over it and all! and i like recalling it dunno what she was talking abt bc we lived in dirt city nothing so i highly doubt there was or is any sort of diving sport happening. swimming, yeah maybe, there were lessons at pools and bodyworks areas around town, competitive teams im not sure tho, but not diving like at all so??? dunno.

so my next and technically first real experience with it was watching the london olympics. and i thought, wow, this is so neat!! i watched from that one day like the opening events, and i think i was old enough to search online like yea i had a laptop by then so i looked up the schedule for the things i wanted to see most of, and i ended up watching i think most of the diving events (i missed a couple for.. archery, i think? maybe?) and absolutely loving it. iunno what it was, maybe something i never thought i could do?(bc not hold my nose?? while i dove???????? scaryy) but i enjoyed it a bunch.

i was older when sochi was a thing, my 8th grade year. i was able to appreciate things a lot more. when i tuned into events, tony hawk and snowboarding were the main focus, but figure skating was on a lot as well. i had a tv in my room by that point, so if i didnt like what was playing on the main tv, i could go watch another event. i learned a lot of names and faces through that, and so while my bff was watching it our senior year if i was with him id point out skaters and their nationalities and stuff, like yuzuru hanyus always been a modern day household name w figure skating, but i leanred abt him BECAUSE of the sochi olympics, and he was one of the ones i’ve never forgotten. i really really liked it, so much that i watched worlds after, and around the same time my fr year, i tuned in to just the worlds championship again. i didn’t pick up trying to watch grand prix(which is their regular season, for those unaware) season until my junior year, and most of it was day-or-two-late videos from youtube, since the ice channel i think it a paid-for thing (i still dont know much abt it hah) and nothing was on tv otherwise, aside from the skate america event. but since that first time after sochi, ive always been around watching worlds fs near the beg of each year. i’d familiarized myself by senior year with the fs world, and actually,

early (i think march?) of my junior year, i searched up trying to find a figure skating anime at the time. and what did i find?? ginban, the only figure skating anime at the time. i watched like maybe all of one episode, it was abt a girl who shared her body w the ghost of a former figure skater while she was competing in events, and it was.. okay? lackluster, in the animation dept, but it was a 2005 show so.. yeah.

so after that i was like kk that wasnt good lets find another. and i didnt. not yet, anyway. instead, i found an announcement for violet evergarden’s animated adaptation, and yuri on ice, a realistic adaptation of the sport of figure skating. thats bolded bc its important. i found that shit abt yoi before it even had a promo poster, certainly before the pv came around that got everyone hyped up. i found it bc i was looking for figure skating in the first place. in fact, i think when the pv came out and got popular, i didnt even relate it to the upcoming fs anime i’d read about previously. it took me a bit to connect the dots. 

watching yuri on ice at the same time as the gp 2016 season was surreal, but really interesting. i got my bff into it before the second to last episode came out, and i only remember that bc he finally showed any interest when he found something on twitter abt it being gay (newsflash/// hes gay, and before yoi his fav show was no6 bc that was as close as it got. he still rly likes it, we both do, but his solid favc is now definitely yoi. representation matters and all) and was like well now i HAVE to watch it and i was all yes it ends soon so pls. and he watched it twice in a weekend, and thrice before the finale came out, and then a few more times after that, iunno how many times but certainly more thn i have(i went back after the .. maybe ep 10? w/e ending had the after party reveal that changed everything, so i went back to analyze everything before the next ep) and between the week of 11 and finale 12, he started watching the sochi fs competition, and then the 2010 after the show ended w ep 12. 

seeing this great fs show and getting a friend into the world of figure skating really renewed my love for it all. before the semester went out i went back and watched the reruns of the sochi fs stuff. and by may i’d decided i wanted to cosider that to be the sport i worked with.

with diving, it took a similar twist. in the form of the rio 16 olympics. i was all over that shit, i downloaded an nbc app on my phone so i could watch events live while i traveled with volleyball to a tournament in dallas and while i was at practice w them at home and generally jus away from the house and a tv. i planned that shit out had a schedule and everything for what i was watching live, and a lot of it was swimming, but a whoooole lot of live stuff was the diving. 

in the hotel room in dallas the tv would always be on to w/e olympics events were airing at the time, either track or diving tho, one or the other, or recaps. quite a few girls ended up in the room in the evening and we’d all do stuff and watch in passing at the same time, and it was suuuuuper fun. watching the chinese women perform flawlessly and walk away w all the gold was fun, but finding a good commentator to actually say such was a disheartening challenge( one of the most memorable moments w live commentary that year was hearing a woman say of one of the chinese ladies that she’d done better before, after they revealed her personal best score ever like rly cmon be unbiased and jus passionate abt the sport youre covering pls.

ive always been super fond of the diving scene. it may not be as much as fs, but honestly, i wish i grew up in an area w a diving team now, or wish i could try it out now, bc thats how much fun it seems. i still wanna go up to the big city like 30min away from uni and learn to ice skate in the civic center there, but hands down if i had to pick a sport to join tomorrow or die i’d pick diving. 

so also by may, and throughout the culmination of senior year, diving was the second sport on the olympic to-train-for list. you get a five-year contract w the olympics, now i think it’s usa as a whole and i think its by center so say, if i get a job in colorado springs i cant apply in another five years to chula vista or even like lake placid, but iunno for sure. the five-year thing is involved somehow bc i’ve heard it from a physical therapist and trainer-that-works-in-a-sports-med-clinic duo in one body named sarah, who’s been contracted out from the clinic by my high school since junior year also, bc she knows people who’ve worked w the olympics, and then another from church that worked w olympics that knows my family uh iunno how well but i know of him, i think he also works in the clinic as some sort of on-hand surgeon but a diff person than who sarah knew. so its five years somehow and then i’ll take my bfa in gd and open my online business and do that from a studio at home and look after my owl/cat pet combo.

since may, it had been ‘olympics, with either figure skating or diving’. and it stayed that for a long time. now, since a couple weeks ago, and this is again while gp season is happening for fs, its diving. i wanna work w the usa olympic diving team as their team athletic trainer, and i cant do it this summer bc i have to have completed two years of uni, instead of a certain standing, like be a junior, but so NEXT summer, before my senior year of uni, (i came in a sopho so 6 sem only ah) i’m applying for an internship at the center in colorado springs, and that’s the team i hope i work with. 

now i tell people, diving, but if i get offered figure skating, i’ll take it, but diving is the goal now. if i love it and wanna continue professionally, great, i can do that and have an online gd shop. and if i decide i want something different? i’ll work olympics and then join w a professional-level figure skating i actually dunno how it works. coach, and their skater in turn. coach, with multiple skaters under them. a culmination of diff usa skaters. w/e, something in the professional fs world.

and thats uh, thats it! dive has been so much fun to watch, and i realize i talk a lot on here about working w basketball and being an at student in general and the vast majority have no idea what i mean, so hopefully this clarifies. thank you!!

[tayegi]

SPILL THE T ON THAT KOOKIE DREAM 👀

omg it was surprisingly sweet! nothing like my previous dream of him O.O

So this was prob one of the most realistic and detailed dreams I ever had. I apologize in advance for the excessive detail, but I kinda want to write it all out so that I remember it, since my memories of my dreams fade so easily.

MORE UNDER THE READ MORE:

In my dream last night, I was a second year in my phd program, and Jungkook was a first year. We were both taking my faculty advisor’s lecture class, along with my roommate, M. 

I’ve always seen Jungkook as a cute incoming student who I wanted to mentor and guide. But for some reason, there’s been weird, awkward tension between us, but neither of us address, so we kind of just ignore each other. But on that particular day, I want to eat lunch at the cafeteria, but I only know Jungkook and M in that class, and they happen to be sitting next to each other in class and chatting when the lecture ends. 

I felt weird just ditching them w/o saying anything after class, so I go up to the two of them and say “hey, does anyone want to grab lunch?”

And Jungkook doesn’t even look at me. But M does. He says that he has a meeting right now and can’t make it, but will see me at home tonight. So I’m like oh ok and look at Jungkook, but he’s either pretending he didn’t hear me, or avoiding me. So I give up and pack up all my stuff to walk out of the classroom... But at the last minute, guilt settles in. I would feel like such an asshole to not at least try to ask him directly. and even tho he’d most likely blow me off, then whatever. Good. As long as he’s the person being rude and not me. That’d make me feel better.

So I walk back to their table and stare directly at JK and say, “Jungkook, do you want to get lunch, then?”

And to my surprise, he doesn’t ignore me at all, he suddenly snaps his neck up to look at me and it’s like his expression changes 180. “Yeah, sure!”

And I am so confused and shocked, and I’m looking to M for help, but he’s already packed up and is waving us off to go to his meeting. So I awkwardly smile at Jungkook, who beams back, and we start to walk off for lunch together. And because I cannot stand any awkward silence, I begin teasing him about never agreeing to have lunch with me. Like--

“Wow, I cannot believe I am blessed by your presence today, JK! What a wondrous day!” 

And he’s just laughing and playing around, for some reason in a super great mood. And he turns to me and says, “I’m sorry, noona. How can I make it up to you?”

So I playfully tackle him from behind, clambering on his back and yelling, “Carry me to lunch, slave!” And shockingly, he easily grabs me under the thighs and hoists me on his back. AND IT WAS SO EASY FOR HIM. HE CARRIED ME LIKE IT WAS NOTHING W/O BREAKING A SWEAT. But i felt guilty about being too heavy or hindering him so after a minute or two, i slipped down to walk next to him instead. 

I don’t really remember what we were talking about next. But it was nice and we were laughing and the sun was shining and the weather was so warm and lovely and flowers had bloomed all over the campus and I was feeling really good. At the moment, I was confused and it almost felt like he was a boyfriend walking me to lunch instead of a cute dongsaeng. So completely by instinct, in a spur of the moment thing, I reach over and grab his hand and just hold it for a few seconds, squeezing it hard. 

Then, I suddenly come to my senses and drop his hand like a hot coal, remembering that he’s just a little underclassman (tho im confused by this portion of my dream bc it’s not how it works in grad school lol). But Jungkook stops as well and stares at me with huge, puppy dog eyes. And suddenly, it hits me. The way he’s been ignoring me and avoids me whenever I’m talking with my male roommate, and how his face absolutely lights up every time I talk to him directly. It’s obvious that he likes me and is going to confess. And I’m not ready yet. I’m panicking. 

So I nudge his shoulder and point at the cafeteria, yelling, “I think I see a big group of our friends sitting outside! Let’s go join them!”

But clearly holding his hand made him feel more bold. So he insists on giving me a piggyback ride again, and I can’t help but suspect so it’s that all of our friends can see us (especially my other male roommate whos sitting there). And my heart’s pounding and I’m feeling super anxious-- and then I realize that Jungkook isn’t carrying me to the cafeteria, but somewhere else entirely. I’m so confused that I ask him where he’s taking me.

And he simply says, “We need to talk.”

and im so anxious and nervous and freaking out that I WOKE UP AKLSDJFDLKSFJ. WHAT THE HELL IS MY DREAM??????? FMLFMLFML

[symplegades]

i’m gonna do one of those old facebook note quiz things from 2010

Are you ready to answer these questions honestly even if it starts to get hard? ya How old is the last person you kissed on the lips? 27 Who was the last person you had a face to face conversation with? my best friend from undergrad What were you doing at 12 am last night? getting into bed/falling asleep Does the person you like, like you back? um i hope so!!!!!!! we share a bed????? Have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you? unclear. maybe but i think i’d be too squeamish to do that, i’d just stand there and cry Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them? nah i always have to talk it out either with them or someone else, and both options usually end in me getting over it/getting closure and going back to normal Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yep When you say you don't care do you mean it? i don’t say i don’t care very much, so i guess when i say it i do mean it? i’ll have to pay attention next time Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? yep Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? nah i kissed mike while he was still covered in shaving cream it was yikes Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? oh absolutely, like 100% of the time What's your favourite color? cool colors. <-- what i wrote in 2010 but still true What color is your shirt? grey with purple lettering What do you hear? netflix, i’m watching this movie ~out of the dark~ Last person of the opposite sex you gave a hug to? actually my friend kevin from grad school! i just ran into him at work Are you sitting or standing? sitting. <-- also written in 2010, also still true Are you keeping a secret from anyone? um probably Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? ya Have you kissed someone with braces? yes. <-- i don’t remember that but apparently yes Are you short? ok in 2010 i wrote yes but i think i’m actually pretty average or even taller than average. maybe i was shorter in 10th grade What would your last name be if you were married to the last person you texted? ok i just texted like 3 people at once. i guess velez Last picture comment was from? did this mean, like, on myspace or facebook? idk who was the last person to comment on my fb photos. oh actually you know what a friend of a friend went through all my public posts including photos and commented on all of it and it was rly offputting, so that’s who How was your day overall? p good, i applied to 2 jobs and got called back for a second interview for another job (FINALLY) Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? probably SOMEONE in the world. maybe my ma Have you ever kissed anyone within an hour of meeting them? ok mike tried to kiss me after our first date but i was like no that is creepy. and looking back i’m like aw so sweet we shoulda kissed! but no it was still uncomfy that he was trying to kiss me a very short time after we first met Are you anyone's first love? pls. sure i guess, people in high school. Could you handle living together with the last person who texted you? lol maybe? i’ve never considered it. prolly we could find agreements/common ground So, the person you like, their name starts with a B, doesn't it? it does not. <-- still true Is the person you last texted single? negative. <-- also still true Do you think age matters in relationships? i mean it’s totally dependent on context. we talking about 16 and 18 year olds or 16 and 32 year olds? i guess it always MATTERS it just depends on how it matters, like being similar ages kinda matters bc you’ve had similar life experiences at similar points in history and being very different ages matters bc you gotta wonder what’s going on. but once you’re over like, 25 i feel like bigger age gaps are more acceptable depending on what’s going on in folks lives. idk. How is your hair right now? it’s okay, up in a pony. actually i thought it was in a bun but i just touched it and it is a pony, usually it’s a bun when i’m home Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? nah he’s cool, although sometimes i have trouble following his thought process Where was your default picture taken? my prof pic on fb was taken at columbia Who's the last person you took a picture with? yikes, ahhhh... probably mike. Are you waiting for something? a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did you get your last bruise? who knows. <-- still true. i’m not sure i currently have any bruises? Do you believe in love? yes. <-- still true What are your plans for the summer? ikea with sami tomorrow, permit on monday, kate's birthday party monday night, possibly beach with em sara hayley + meg on tuesday, dermatologist on wednesday, california with sami from friday to tuesday, one week home, to maine for 2 weeks, one week home to schedule driving time and finish summer reading and find a job. wooo!

^^^^^sorry i just wanna preserve that 2010 message bc it’s so wholesome and high school-ish and carefree.

my actual summer plans are just intense job hunting and getting a job. then maybe planning a trip home or to maine, then planning a china trip but probably won’t happen this summer. What was your first thought this morning? wa wa why is my alarm going off Have you kissed anyone this month? ya Could you date someone taller than you? sure Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again? uhhh. yeah i’m sure there are things i didn’t do great. idk? Have you ever gotten butterflies from someone? oh yes. <-- lol wtf? “oh yes”? ya sure idk Do you like waking up in the morning to find that you have new texts? sometimes. i think when i was younger it was more exciting but now i’m kinda relieved when i wake up and don’t have notifications. Ever had braces? nope. <-- still true Do you enjoy Taco Bell or McDonalds? i haven’t eaten either in ages even tho i want to but i know i’ll just get diarrhea. but i’d probably get mcdonalds given the choice Have you ever walked on the beach at night? oh yes. <-- oh yes?? anyway the most prominent “walking on the beach at night” story was when i was on spring break with my friends in ghana (or maybe we were in togo?) and we got stuck in this beach house like a mile down this deserted beach and it was like 2am and we’re walking and all super scared bc we’re a bunch of american girls in a foreign land and then 2 random dudes come out of nowhere and we’re all like NO LEAVE US ALONE and they somehow follow us to our house? and like try to come in? and we’re all f r e a k i n g out bc we’re afraid they’re gonna attack us but then my friend who is naive and trusting opens the door and we’re all screaming like DON’T OPEN THE DOOR but then i guess he just asked if we like... needed matches or something. anyway it was a lot What were you doing at 2AM this morning? sleeping.  <-- still true Let me guess, your last incoming call was from the opposite sex? nope it was mike’s mom Has a girl sat on your bed before? yes although actually i don’t think that has happened in this apartment? no one ever really goes in the bedroom except mike and me. but maybe in the old apartment girls had sat on my bed before. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? chatting with my friend and getting my thread organized Ever kissed anyone 18 or older? lol ya Math or English? womp. english? i’m poop at math now i haven’t taken it since i was a freshman in undergrad Do you have any twins in your family? i don’t think so, which is surprising bc it’s a pretty big family Are you shy? depends on the setting and how comfy i am feeling Are you close with your siblings ? meh depends on the day. i think sometimes my middle sister mom’s me too much/nags me/treats me like a baby. You'd say "Fuck you" to your ex, ain't I right? which ex? i mean probably not, what’s the point? How you feeling? kinda hungry Will you ever run away and get married in Las Vegas with no notifications to either of your families? lol nooooooooo What do you think of boyfriends/girlfriends calling each other by food names? i think it is hilar and i wish mike and i did it If you're single, then why don't you get a boyfriend/girlfriend ? not single but also this question unnecessarily adheres to the gender binary also even if i was single i don’t need a partner heck! When was the last time you were craving to get drunk? wah not in a while, i can’t hold my alcohol and mike doesn’t drink so it’s not very fun I don't know about you, but I like saying "fuck" a lot. Do you? not like a LOT. when appropriate Do you think you'll be one of those people that will get a divorce in the future? eep i hope not? does anyone consider themselves “one of those people”? Who did you last hug? my best friend from undergrad Have you ever done something that was really bad for yourself? dur Is it worth crying over a guy or a girl? i mean... crying is crying. it’s not a question of worth it or not. if you wanna cry then cry Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? ya but we’d need to do a lot of emotional repair Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before? oh absolutely i was trying to pretend that i wasn’t running horribly late but i was and i made her stand around for so long and she was pissed Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? probably Are you wearing pants? shorts. does that count? <-- same Would you date someone twenty years older than you? womp not right now i’d feel a bit yikes. maybe if i was like 60 and they were 80 or something. it feels better to me if we’re both old lol Is your birthday in less than 6 months? nah Would you ever quit a bad habit for someone? i did actually! i was still smoking a bit when mike and i got together and he really hated it/asked me to stop Have you ever felt guilty about something you didn’t do? oh absolutely lol i feel lots of emotions about everything Do looks matter the most to you? nah Are you looking forward to tomorrow? meh Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yeah! What are you doing after this? probably gonna make french fries Is something bothering you? unemployment ;( Three days from now, will you be in a relationship? i don't even know if i'm in a relationship NOW. <-- o shit 2010 alicia??? wyd?? you good???

anyway ya i hope so Has someone ever made a promise with you and broke it? i’m sure Will your next kiss be a mistake? hope not! Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? we goin on 3 years here so Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? mommy. <-- still true!! we literally talk every day if not multiple times a day. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? nope! What are you doing tomorrow? sigh probably clean... apply for another job. cross stitch lol What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? he still likes me (: <-- i’m so sad for 2010 me. what is going on? i’m so sad.

and i have no clue what my last thought was, i think i was wondering if mike wanted me to stop leaning on his arm Do you get along more with girls or guys? girls are beautiful and perfect and guys are yikes until proven otherwise next Do you remember who you liked on New Years? lol ya this same guy Have you ever intentionally pissed someone off? probably? Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be? nah The person you fell hardest for calls, what do you say? hey!!! how's phoenix?! why are you talking to me and not your arizona brethren? <-- ooooooooooh it’s when i dated this white missionary boy who i loved so much but he def did not love me but i was like, just totally infatuated. my best friend from high school refers to this boy as my renaissance bc i after dating him i started dating much cuter people lol

um anyway it’s hard to quantify who i fell hARDEST for i guess? i mean i’m currently in the process of marrying mike so i think he wins. if he called i would ask how bar night was and when the transformers movie is starting bc he got free tix from work Do you think someone has feelings for you? lol he better Have you done anything sneaky lately? hm hm. i don’t think sneaky. Do you find smoking unattractive? sigh i shouldn’t but i do think it makes ppl look sooooo COOL Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? ya we like live together How many cigarettes have you smoked today? zero. <-- still true! Kissed someone who's name started with an N? hmmmmm. when i studied abroad i kissed a LOT of people so i’m sure one of their names started with N When was the last time something bothered you? lol what? constantly? Was last night terrible? nah it was good just a quick turnaround of getting home and going to bed. i ate a lot of watermelon which was gr8 What does your hair look like right now? pony-ish First person to speak to you in '09? lmfao damn i’m dating myself. idfk. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to? i mean, i’m not worried about losing them, but yes i’d be afraid or upset if i lost them Are you basically a happy person? i hope so! Do you wish you could take things back? meh. no regerts and all that Have you ever wondered what life would be like without your best friends? omg what?? no?? it would be terrible?? Last person to make you seriously mad? prolly bigots Be honest, are you starting to gain feelings towards anyone? i’m like 3 years in so Do you think relationships are even worth it? well fuck i hope so lol Does anyone completely understand you? i mean no one will ever ~~completely~~ understand me but ya i have lots of people i am close to and whom i trust a lot Did you hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yep! Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? lol yes smh Where do you see your ex in 5 years? sigh i have a lot of ex’s don’t put me on blast like this. a few of them are already married so. idk. employed? Your ex runs into you and hugs you, what do you do? which. one. actually it doesn’t rly matter bc if any of them did that i’d be like wat Who was your last missed call from? my dad, we were playing phone tag on father’s day Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? yeah one from my best friend from high school saying “wtf” bc i told him about how rats can eat snakes if you’re not paying attention when you feed your snek When you and your friends are out and about do you usually get dirty looks? wut? i mean no but probably when i was a teen or preteen we were annoying and did get dirty looks Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films? i lOOOve these films but if it’s about like home invasions i get scared, or like things that live in your house Favorite fruit? god i love fruit. raspberries, applies, cherries (but i’m allergic now :(((((((( ), melon, oranges, the whole shebang. When someone says "we need to talk," what runs through your mind? yikes.com What are your chances of getting with your crush? smh i think they’re pretty good Who did you talk to on the phone last, and why? mom bc i was walking home and wanted to chat with her Do you always answer your phone? yes always Ever worn something of the opposite sex's clothing? dur Which do you enjoy more, to eat or sleep? lmao ahhhhhh i guess eat. Is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind? i mean, yes i have a partner who is a man who i love dearly but he’s not like ALWAYS on my mind, like rn i’m not rly thinking about him but i do care for him a lot and think of him often/want to share most things with him Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you? who??... is my latest ex...... either that aaron guy from okcupid or -- omg CONNOR sigh omg poor boy i hope he’s okay. i hope he doesn’t think about me omg Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? mike Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? i mean what’s EVERYTHING... like within reason yeah Your best friend tells you, you have a drug problem, you say? ah i love you and we will get through this lets research our options together

[skiasurveys]

Talk about...

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. - I cant remember that well since I was a little kid.. ( The lion king), um but I remember being so into it and I loved animals and it kind of started me wanting to draw. But i cant remember the first time i watched it. 

2: Talk about your first kiss.  We were really awkward, I liked him..but not enough, and so we went driving around, got starbucks, and then found this bench and we were talking/flirting, and then he just kissed me. But it was nasty asf, it was so gross. his spit was all over me, blehh. I hated it. I remember being like if this is kissing i do not want it. It wasnt tell i kissed another person that i was like Oh thats what its supposed to be like..

3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for. He is my current boyfriend. We met on Okcupid in 2015 right after i had finished high school. It was like September. its funny because i wasnt rly serious on that site but then I started to talk to him and we hit it off really well.. we dated for  a week then broke up LMAOOO. But then in April 2016 we started to talk again and in May we dated. so its been a year so far, and i am really in love with him. He and I click very well, he’s  7 years older than me. we play video games together but sometimes i watch him play by himself cus its fun that way too. He likes anime tho and i hate it lol. hes very funny and he can be super sweet and romantic and sometimes hes jusr a fkn nerd. idk what else to say before i start going on forever about it.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.  Meeting the dude who assaulted me. we were just friends and i had a bad feeling about him but i shoved it off. and then he attacked and assaulted me. I wish i went with that gut feeling. Thank god hes gone.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.  My best birthday was either my 18th or 19th. My 20th was boring. But my 18th I got a wii U and i got drunk too, and i had fun. but yeah, like idk the best prob was when i was a child and had lotsa friends and cake.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.  My 16th because my dad was dying.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.  My biggest insecurity is my body shape.weight. I just hate it because I feel fucking ugly and fat and I really am not, but idk i just want to be skinny and tiny.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of. I am proud that i graduated and got my license, since I was struggling to graduate which was like 2 years ago but i was going through a lot.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my eyes, and I do like that i have small hands and feet. ( its easy to find shoes). But I also like my legs and that I have a bigger butt. 

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.  theres been a few. But i think with my ex friend who just said she hated me and it was random asf, but she ghosted on me after and so it wasnt really a fight. another one i had was when i started to date my current BF and he wasnt being the best and I was like maybe i should drop him so i tried too and then we fought and then we actually were adults and explained the situation and we sorted it all out. since then we have been so good. like we know how eachother works. Lol fuck.

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had. I cant think of one.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. i had a nightmare where this creepy ass creature was crawling up my walls and turned its head all around and had lifeless eyes and creepy sharp jagged teeth, and it was just terrifying. but then my mom killed it.. wtf

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The first time i had sex I was super nervous. ( It was with my current bf), and we tried and then i started to cry because I was nervous and also from my trauma, and then he was like okay thats fine. Then later that night he asked if we wanted to try again so I said sure. and so we started to make out and then before i knew it was actually inside me and I was like wtf that wasnt bad, and it felt really good. It wasnt overly romantic like they make in movies but it was super good and he was slow and good with me. ever since then i crave dick every minute LMAOOO.

14: Talk about a vacation.  I went to disneyland with my mom the year i was graduating high school. It was so much fun, I felt so safe and happy . I cant really explain what i felt just felt like everything was gonna be OK and the rides were just so awesome and the food was great lol

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.  It was when I was starting to date Connor again and we were hanging out and I was like wow, my life is going perfect right now and I felt so happy.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to. I never go to parties but the one i went to was at my boyfriends friends house and I just started to drink rum n coke and it was really good and made lots of friends but there wasnt that many people there but i felt really happy.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.  I cant think of anyone lol

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.   i got bullied alot for stupid shit.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.  I was in foods class and I was with my friend Jenna, Brittney, Shae and Julia. There was orientation for the kids from elementary that night, and so we asked if we could stay extra and make the cookies and so we were allowed. Then Julia and Shae left to use the washroom. Jenna and I had finished up and were heading to our other class, and as we walked in there was a alarm for a lock down and we were like holy shit. There was somekid with a knife walking around. they calmed him down, but it was really creepy. But our friend brittney was by herself in the foods room and she was crying and i felt so bad omg rip brittney

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.  I had math class one afternoon and the class before me apparently this girl had a seizure. But i didnt know, so when we walked in the classroom I was like wtf why are the desks all pushed around and so i thought they did some activity, but it turns out this girl had a seizure, and my friend told me about it and how it was super traumatizing our teacher even got bit. it was really weird..

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.  He is my friend still but he really liked me and he asked me out and I had to tell him No and i said that i wasnt looking for a relationship but it was super awkward but hes cool.

22: Talk about your worst fear.  choking.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. I really liked this one guy and we went on a first date and then he asked if  i wanted to chill the next week and so i said sure. But then that day he had texted me and said he was busy and that i couldnt come over and so I was like Oh ok, cool. and then he told me to make sure i wasnt looking for anything serious, and then so i never saw him again after the first date. But he was really boring so thank god i didn’t. and its funny cus a few months after he had some gf and i think he is still with her cus i would see them at the mall all the time. but yeah im glad it didnt work out!

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. One night ( this is cheesy ) It was like 4 am and Connor was watching TV and I was scrolling through tumblr lookin at funny memes/posts and he just turned and looked at me and said “Jen, youre my best friend” and it just made my night. It was super sweet and i felt great. 

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.  ho ho ho okay, so we were friends since grade 9 summer/beg of grade 10. we were close asf, we liked the same shit, we thought the same. she was great. she was the first best friend i ever had rly. so a couple times through out our friendship she would kind of vanisha nd not talk but it was her depression and it was annoying asf. anyways.. after grade 12 grad  (this is like oct 2015), i tried to message her but it wouldnt let me! so i soon realized she blocked me on everything. i texted her thanks for that and then feb 2016 we became friends again, then may 2016 she ghosted on me but she finally sent message saying how she hated me etc and really too this day it hurts but i still dont know what actually fucking happened.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.  if im really sick  i just sleep and watch youtube videos. or ill have a bath.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.  i really love my boyfriends arms. theyre so big and strong. mmmm.

28: Talk about your fetishes.  i dont rly have a fetish tbh.

29: Talk about what turns you on.  i like when my bf dominates me, but not too hardcore. I like neck kissing, facial hair, deep voices, motivation. I like being tackled like play fighting and i like when he touches my thighs etc. mm

30: Talk about what turns you off.  being an asshole, racist/sexiest, if youre super smelly. if youre really tall and skinny.

31: Talk about what you think death is like.  i dont know. its probably weird asf.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.  i remember this place called Moonwalkers and it was this crazyass jungle gym we had and it was the best shit ever.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.  i draw, listen to music, have a bath..etc

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. getting hit by a car.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.  i wish i would stop comparing myself to every fucking person i see.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.  some anime. 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. i thought i loved wade, but i really was just liking the idea of someone. this was in high school. lol it was really weird and i didnt like it.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. it depeds on the song and the person. pink floyd reminds me ofmy ex friend. Anime/kpop songs remind me of Kyra and super lovely songs and omam remind me of connor

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.  not everyone you lose is a loss.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school and teenage years was really weird. i remember feeling so out of place and not sure what t do with myself.

[n-ph]

2k16

wow it’s been awhile since i’ve written one of these. i just realized that i totally didn’t write one last year. anyway i dont even know where to begin. 2016 has been an interesting year to say the least. i was rereading some of my old posts and i said omg a lot. the days just seem to go by in a blur nowadays, so i will try to recap 2016 as best as i can. i dont have a word to encompass this year though.

went to seattle in january. tried some really expensive sushi..twice..holy crap. the quality was a1 but man the bill was something else. seattle was nice though. definitely had a san francisco vibe to it, except for when you go to the waterside and look back at all the construction. i guess we kinda ran out of things to do bc on the last day we went to chinatown and the area seemed really dinky. also gained a ton of weight in seattle though u_u

in february we tried 5a5 steakhouse. and let me tell u. it is the best beef i have ever had. it is also the most money i have ever spent on a single meal. oh my god. i dont know if i'll ever be back, but i would like to, some day.

thus far, the semester was pretty okay. let's see..i had government accounting with a moody professor who would throw tantrums whenever no one participated. i also had business law with this old guy who was really lively and fun. i had strategic management with a bryan cranston look alike. the class was really interesting though and i learned a lot and it got me started on reading the economist lmao im so old. i miss having so much free time that came with school. 40 hour work weeks are not the life (even if i barely do anything at work).

went to LA during spring break. and at a good time too bc it was still the soft opening of harry potter world so the lines were v manageable. butterbeer was dope. the entire hogsmeade village just felt so real. had sooo much good food in LA omg. got to see some friends as well. had some of the best steak frites ever.

i cant believe i particpated in asu's talent show this year. much has changed in asu since i joined. it makes me wonder if i was behaving that way when i first joined. it seems a lot more clique-y and high school and drama filled but hey maybe it was that way when i was active but i just never noticed. had many fun lunches with my grand little but man there is a lot of drama in asu and im just glad i wasnt in any of it. i kinda miss the old asu days of staying out late to eat or do nothing at all but also i dont miss it bc i get enough sleep and im a lot more productive without asu lmao. finally ended things with tram for good. maybe things turned out the way they did for the better. the entire friendship was such a roller coaster. im glad its over.

the end of the semester rolled around!!! and i graduated!!!! :') attended my sisters graduation which was pretty boring bc high school students have such a narrow view of life (not to say that college students are any better). attended my own graduation. felt really fortunate to have jessa and anthony there. this one kid in my graudating class gave a speech about accomplishments...and he revealed the wrestling belt he was wearing underneath his graduation gown...and then he made the grads stand up and chant thank yous to the friends and family sitting behind us. it was so embarrassing and extra omg.

shortly after graduation i was on a plane headed back to the motherland. and let me tell u. i hated most of it. it was super hot and humid and my sister and i shared about 100 mosquito bites between the both of us. also. i know i shouldnt but..vietnam is so dirty. i know its not their fault that theyre a developing country but man there are exactly zero sanitation standards and i dont even know why we were there bc the water had recently been polluted so none of the fish were edible and my mom didnt trust the food stands to have clean food either. i guess i made some new friends and visited some cool places but at what cost??? also i think my entire fam got sick bc we slept with the ac on but either way, the meds i took made me lose my sense of smell i think and i couldnt taste or smell anything for two weeks. the ac air also dried out my nose and gave me a skin infection (which i will discuss later). during our trip to danang a small ferry got flipped on the big river and a bunch of ppl died and the government tried to cover it up bc bad publicity etc. they played it off as if only a few ppl died rather than most of the ppl on the boat. our tour guide in danang was in the know tho so he told us everything and w o w that really could've been us on that river bc it was a boat the left the dock about half an hour after our boat left. crazy.

after the long and arduous journey abroad i finally made it back home...and then headed to hawaii. hawaii was dope af. 10/10 would recommend, would go back. battled the tides when we went kayaking and sadly the tides won and i lost my hat but also almost lost my flip flops if it weren't for some kind random strangers who swam out to get my flip flops. we stayed on oahu and maui. hiked up a v steep mountain in oahu. lost my hat from kayaking. got caught in the rain when we went looking for a beach on the first day. had some of the best shaved ice ever. attended my first luau. fell asleep during the first part of a fire dancing show (bc the fire hadnt started yet). essentially pulled an all nighter to try oahu's famous bakery that opened at 3am. flew to maui but due to poor planning we arrived 4 hours earlier than check in lmao. the house we had in maui was so beautiful though omg. it was ocean side so we could hear the waves every night and it just felt so peaceful and tranquil to sit on the balcony in the mornings, just staring out at sea. in maui we went snorkeling. the last time i went snorkeling was like...10+ years ago...in cancun...and the water was freezing...and i also thought i was lost in the middle of the ocean on our way to the snorkeling location... but anyway! the snorkeling this time was so cool omg they had prescription swimming goggles so i could see EVERYTHING. they also provided lunch which was dope. it started raining on our way back to shore though lmao. the next day we drove all the way up the volcano in maui...to find that the top was foggy af and we couldnt see anything. the road up was pretty nasty bc super windy and 10000 ft elevation. it got really foggy after like 6000ft so we basically drove in all fog until the top which was still foggy but also like 20 degrees colder than the rest of maui. maui is super rural omg. we tried to find a place to eat after our trek but there were barely any food places in sight. we picked a random spot in the middle of nowhere and then decided to take the road to hana (which is on the opposite side of where we were staying, and was about 3 hrs away. and boy did we mess up. we took the alternate road there and it was scarier than going up the volcano bc 1) windy 2) small ass roads which were unpaved at certain points and 3) cliff hugging roads..i cant believe i made the drive there and back it was so terrifying omg. not sure if i would go back. at one point there was a big ass cow in the middle of the road. once we got to hana though, the hike was really nice despite the humidity. almost died crossing the river at the end to see the waterfall. all the rocks had big ants on them!!! how was i supposed to cross the river!!! we missed out on the wading pools though but we were so starving by that time. made the 3 hr drive back and everyone was dead. spent the last day on maui not doing much bc rainy and we were all so dead.

about two weeks after i got back from hawaii was training week in sac for my first big girl job. ngl but i felt super homesick that first night. idk why since i would be home by the end of the week anyway. probably just overwhelmed by how fast everything was happening. graduation and now transitioning into a full time job. scary stuff. but i did make a really good friend in sac so it didnt turn out so bad!!! training was pretty fun bc our presenter was pretty engaging. except when we went over the boring stuff and i was v close to falling asleep. did get to catch up with some of my sac friends though which was nice. went to the state fair for the first time as well. it was..exactly as expected but hotter lmao. my family went to san diego at this time bc my sister was going to comic con but i couldnt make it :(

got back from training and started my first big girl job. im not sure what i expected but it was easy but also hard? my first engagement i was only with one other senior and she was super nice and pretty and really good at lettering. i dont feel like i learned much? i only really did the tasks given to me but i feel like half the time i wasnt even sure what i was doing. i also hated the commute all the way back from walnut creek. the going there wasnt so bad bc i got a ride out to oakland but man it would take forever to get home. :'( my second engagement was just me and a partner and i feel like she expected me to know everything...but i didnt know anything...so i mostly sat around a lot??? esp bc she wasnt on site every day so i had zero supervision. :/ towards the end of the second engagement i got an email from the city saying that they were accepting me into their accounting position and i was like oh shit. i ended up taking the job, which gave me a week in between quitting the first job and starting the second, which i used to go back to LA lmao bc i had a season ticket to universal. actually ate at the three broomsticks this time. it was defs filling and i thought it was a good bang for buck. attempted to go to the walking dead tour..chickened out..twice. i probs would've died in there tbh. also went to disneyland!!!! that was lit. their macone-roni and cheese was da bomb. saw world of color for the first time except it was the 50th anniversary edition so it wasnt so great. bumped into the couple that was in jbieb's love yourself video. tried some new food places in LA and saw some old friends, again.

started my second big girl job. all my coworkers are super nice except the big boss is kind of crazy and anal. but we deal with it. my supervisor is so nice :'( work isnt so bad bc i dont do much lmao. the hardest part sometimes is just staying awake if im being honest. getting paid to do nothing is the life tho.

spent my birthday weekend in monterey. we were supposed to go atv-ing but ended up going wine tasting but also not really bc we liked the first wine so much we got a bottle of that to share. it was really cold that weekend surprisingly so we stayed in and then went to this spa place on a whim and it was definitely an interesting experience.

went as a rice bag for halloween and i think that was probably my greatest costume to date. except we ended up going to a party full of white ppl...and i was like the only asian there gdi

tagged along w my sister when she went to sd. got to see many friends!!! went clubbing as well and that was lit. took michelle clubbing for her 21st birthday, also lit. squadsgiving and christmas were super fun. got some supplies for bullet journaling so guess thatll be my new years resolution. but also to take more photos bc i didnt buy that camera for nothing.

okay so in conclusion. i did a lot of stuff this year. it feels like it was mostly all highs. or maybe i just block out the lows but im pretty sure there were way more highs than lows. 2016 was a great year tbh. oh yeah i also passed two of four parts of my cpa exam!!! woot. in 2016, i learned a lot...of accounting lmao. plus i ran my first 5k!!!!! oh yeah and i joined a gym and now im getting swole af. im not sure what my reflections are. i guess, if i were to compare 2k16 kim to 2k14 kim i've for sure come a long ways. i wasnt afraid to try new challenges and conquer them. i stepped out of my comfort zone multiple times, sometimes with the help of alcohol. i got my shit together and really focused in school (which got me a 4.0 during my last year of college). i also got my shit together and studied my ass off for the cpa (which is still ongoing i crey). i really wanna say this was probably one of my best years with everything i was able to do and everything i achieved. so here's to you, 2016, and may 2017 be even better!!!

[thesecretlifeofmerribethc]

5.11.19 - 5.16.19 feat. NEW JOB + BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5.11.19

Saturday! Cleaned manong’s car out while the sibs cleaned the house. I drove to Target and we also walked to 5 Below and Marshalls. At Marshalls manang bought an espresso maker!!! It’s so cute, and it was only $8. At Target I bought mom a small eye shadow palette for mother’s day lol (that’s all I could afford). Got some Mcdonalds and went home to play Overcooked 2. Mom was home from hanging out with tita Delai and tita Emy. Also. I found out my wisdom tooth in the back of my right side of my molar is finally popping out of my gum!!!! Bout time but man :P

5.12.19

Happy Mother’s day!!! Woke up and gave mom her gifts. Oh yeah, at Marshalls, manang bought marv lindor chocolate to give to mom lol. At church it was so busy! Decorated (again) the dining hall but at least it was simple. Food was great!!!!! Mark and kuya Sanjay both brought chicken curry! Mark actually brought a lot of food!! SO NICE of him. He brought curry, rice with beans, and plaintains. It was so good!! Dad had work so at home the sibs and mom took pics.

5.13.19

Prepped for interview questions and my clothes for my interview with Delfin at DMC - DRH! So nervous.

5.14.19

Phewwwww ok`so I got up pretty early (ok not really, but like 10 a.m. lol) to review some interview questions and answers. Got ready and then mom, dad and I made our way to Detroit. It was a sunny, beautiful day! Got to DRH and checked in with the front desk. Dad and I waited for about 20 minutes before we got the go to go upstairs. During that time of wait, dad was approached by like 4 co-workers, 1 was Marko who worked on the 5th floor but days, and he gave me some encouragement. Then it was dad’s own coworker, the PCA. And she was like “Ha? She’s having an interview with _______?!” And then before we went to the 5th floor, we stopped by dad’s office and his coworker was there too and she seemed iffy about where/who I was interviewing with and it kinda worried me. Anyway, went upstairs and met with the manager, however I went into the room and sat with the coordinator who interviewed me. She was SO nice. I really like her. I don’t think I nailed the interview, but thankfully the questions she asked were pretty easy, and she was very positive. After my interview with the coordinator, I was then facing the manager who came in the room to ask if I had any questions. After about 20 minutes of talking he then asks me, “I’m going to ask you a hypothetical question. If I were to offer you the job right now, what would you say?” and I said yes. And then he said, “I’m offering you the job.” So HOME GIRL GOT A JOB!!!! After that I took a tour with the coordinator and checked the 3 units within the 5th floor. I DID IT. Friends congratulated me on the Groupme. Was so funny cuz Jod was like “Bebet went from being the poorest in the group to the richest” and all my friends were like “WOW WE KNOW A DOCTOR” “WOW DOCTOR” Got picked up and celebrated at Mcdonalds on Mack. It was so busy. After that, mom, dad and I just went to the downstairs parking so dad could nap before work (yes, dad sacrificed napping to support me for my interview <3333 he walked into the hospital with me and walked me up to the 5th floor too!). Dropped dad off and then mom and I went to get manang. Manong picked up Marv. Before we picked up manang mom and I went to burlington to look at shoes but didn’t get anything. Got manang and once we got home we changed and got ready since Jod was gonna pick us up for taco Tuesday at Maiz!! Si parked at our house and so the 4 of us rode together. Got to Maiz and waited for like 15 minutes for a table, and then Jovel and Nai came. After we were done eating Sam came but we ordered his food so that it was ready when he came. I was pretty disappointed with my food. The shell was SO SOGGY and old tasting. It broke apart :P And the meat was cold! Sigh. Like the shell was even doubled up because it was breaking apart. Anywho after that we went to Cultivate(?) where we played exploding cats. Then manang and I rode with Sam and Si home!

5.15.19

Mom cooked me some spaghetti for tomorrow! :))) Mom had a date with tita rose and others so it was just Marv and I at home. I cleaned before marv got home. Cooked egg for the sibs and I and then watched som one punch. Then I went to the garage to get started on the trash. Once manong and manang came home the four of us in good moods worked together to get the wooden pallets, couch, stove and trash out to the curb. After that we played Overcooked 2. BUT OMG. So like, at 2 am today before I hit the hay, I went on FB and saw a flyer that St Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor was having a nurse job fair!!! I signed up and told Danielle. She’ll most likely ride with me!! Sigh.... Kinda wished I didn’t say yes immediately. And I kinda wished I was ready for an interview with Beaumont. Sigh. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be tho.

5.16.19

Happy birthday to me!!!!!! Thank you Lord!!!! Literally woke up and cried. God is so good. All the time. So thankful for another year. Woke up and went downstairs and found a bouquet of beautiful carnations and a card from dad (I was still up last night and he didn’t get home until 5 just to get these for me! :’D). Had breakfast with mom and dad and then just chilled for the day! Then it was time for prayer meeting. Picked up Marv then went to 7-11. Got some donuts and iced coffee. Then we got manang and then went to burlington near church. Got to church early and just walked around the parking lot. It was such a beautiful day!! After prayer meeting we went to Meijer in Woodhaven to get rice. At home I ate spaghetti! And then manang gave me her gift which was a cute milk carton purse!! Oh and $10 cash!!! I was sooooo surprised when I saw the purse. It was SO cute!! <3 Also going to Ann Arbor tomorrow! Picking up Danielle thanks to manong :)

5.17.19

Woke up so early today! Woke up at 8:30 and got ready. Manong and I left at like 9:30ish or so to get Danielle. On the way to Danielle’s there was a pretty crazy driver on King road right before the brownstown police station. Anyway, got to Danielle’s, picked her up, then got breakfast at Mcdonalds (thanks manong! <3). Then we made our way to Ann Arbor. Found a parking space and practice some questions and such then walked in. It was busy but man everyone was SO NICE. Danielle and I met with the manager of the Medsurg (gen surgery) floor and the neuro floor. They were really nice. Then we talked with the manager for the ER. After that we took a tour with Dan and HE WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST. He was so inspiring to me. Like, he had no hospital experience, working as a full time mail man during school. He became a nurse and then after a year he went to grad school and became a CNS! He’s been at SJMH for 10 years already!!! He was really super nice. He even says, “I hope you get a job here! I teach in the orientation as well” and I’m like THAT WOULD BE A DREAM. The hospital was absolutely beautiful. Probably the best hospital I’ve ever been to. They even have a nail/hair spa!!!!!! And it smelled SO CLEAN. It would be amazing if I could get a job there after DRH! Anywho, the only sad part was that the medsurg floor wasn’t doing on the spot job offers or interviews :( When I heard that I felt that God validated me going to DRH. I prayed that Lord, my siblings plan to move to Washtenaw. If I get this job I would be so close to them. If it is your will I be at SJMH, Lord please provide me a job on the spot. If not, then I’ll stay at DRH. So there you go! There’s God’s answer. Although the manager said that if I were to hear anything, it would be on the following Friday, however I didn’t get any call back. Anywho, after we got back to the main area from the tour, Danielle went ahead to talk to the CCU presentation. I sat in the food area and had a cup of coffee. Talked to 2 ladies that were waiting in the medsurg line and they were so nice. Then I went outside and called PJ and just talked about my whole dealio. After danielle was done, manong came and picked us up. He was just waiting next door at WCC. Got lunch at KFC and ate inside. I was starting to get cramps sadly! After dropping off danielle, manong and I went to Advance Auto Parts in brownstown, then home. At home I just rested in my room having taken 3 ibuprofens for my cramps (I really need to take something else now). Then I got ready for dinner cuz the whole fam was going out for my bday! Picked up Ne on the way. Thought we were going to Leo’s but I looked up and we were at OLIVE GARDEN!!!!!! I was so surprised. Had a great dinner. Ordered my fave chicken alfredo. After OG we went to Target then Ne’s place! Drank some tea and chilled then went home.

5.18.19

Busy day today! Cleaned the house and got it ready for when the friends came over! Manang and mom went to Kroger to get food so Marv and I finished up. Manang washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen while I vacuumed and cleaned bathrooms and made sure the house smelled good. Oh and Marv put the plants frmo the loft outside on the porch (about time those plants were gone!). First friend to come was Jod, then Josh and Joseph, then Bubby and then jovel, PJ and then daen. Played overcooked (jod loves it!) and then took pics with my star donut cake lol. Then Hannah and cam came!!!!!. We were laughing so hard the whole day!!! Hannah talked about her crazy experience with cult customers at timmy hoes and that was the ongoing joke of the night. Played Wario Ware and then Jackbox! It was so funny. Check out my album on Google photos to see some of the jokes lol. Dad was so funny too when we told him about the cult.When he came out of his room he was like “I took my naked picture to give to the cult” xD LOL my friends were laughing so hard. Cooked shin ramyun and boiled eggs and ate that. Had a lot of food today (qdoba chips and dip from jod, pizza from pj, egg tart and vanilla ice cream from josh, orange creamsicles from jovel, donuts from hannah, candy from daen). Overall it was a really fun and funny night. Also hannah gave me a gift of $45!!! I was so surprised. So thoughtful and nice of her!!!! :’)

5.19.19

Church!! T’was a busy day. Took pics with my cake and oh my goodness, tita Mildred and my class made a banner for me! Church members were so generous in terms of birthday gifts. I made about $235 total! God has been so good to me. Wow. He has blessed me with so much. Some of the gifts I’ve gotten:

-Card, flowers, and olive garden dinner from mom and dad

-milk carton purse and $10 cash from manang

-pink selfie stick cell phone case from manong (didn’t get this till later)

-dunder mifflin hat from Marv (didn’t get this till later, but I’m listing it now lol)

-Versus versace watch from PJ

-$45 from hannah

-Money from tita Mildred, merrilee, and tita cheng, as well as a black and white striped shirt from tita Gina.

-Leche Flan from ne!

After church, the sibs and I went to Ne’s. Ne made me leche flan with cream cheese! Ugh so good. Chilled at Ne’s until midnight ish!

5.20.19

Today was a pretty chill day. Later in the day I went to the gym with manong. PJ came too. Manong and I worked out from 9:40 to 1 a.m.! GSW also played and won. Worked out so long. I drove to the gym and home. After the gym I drove to Meijer and manong bought me lunchables cuz I was so hungry lol.

5.21.19

Officially signed and sent my acceptance for the DRH job position!!! It’s official!! After that dad and I did yard work in the back. After that we had dinner with the fam and then I worked on making thank you cards for my manager and coordinator at DRH. Watched some bball!

5.22.19

[e-cce-homo]

9/1

hi si,

i miss u and your apt and doing hw at your apt and cooking and your snacks and the smell of loose leaf tobacco in your home LOL but forreal it’s the small things…

i’m pretty goooood i’m just super busy rn, figuring out my job schedules and my visa situation(i most likely need to leave the country to renew my visa), and also im wondering if the novelty of being here will wear off? idk, im just trying to live in the moment and ill deal with that feeling if it comes…

i’ve been here for a little over two months now. earlier today i was thinking about how exactly one year ago i was starting senior year, i was completely unaware of what my last year of undergrad would entail. i had chlamydia (didn’t even know yet) and was enamored with some random guy who is completely irrelevant now. and now i’m here. in taipei. starting a new job. and next year at this time i’ll be starting grad school. lmao. (sounds terrible to start school rn tbh). but yeah life is crazy…. life cOmEs At U FaSt LoLoL ~~

i am finishing up training with a job i’m starting next week. a teaching job, teaching english to little taiwanese kids. ill make $18 an hour so it’s not bad at all. but there’s a lot of prep work and planning that’s not paid for my coworkers are okay, kinda cool being in a community of “foreigners in taiwan”, but also kinda wish some of the people were kinder/smarter, idk, sounds kinda mean but tbh some of the other teachers aren’t super intelligent / super deep. like i couldn’t have “stimulating” conversations with them or anything… shit we talk about is so boring lol. i don’t feel there’s anyone i can talk to deeply about real shit, humanity, life, art. idk. not that every convo needs to be extremely profound, but just kinda miss the option.

there is a guy i met on tinder i really like tho , his name is sandy, i’m not sure if we are just friends or more, but he’s really smart and we have similar interests. i like him because i can talk to him about social justice, feminism, music, reflections about being in taiwan. he’s “woke” ahaha. it’s helpful having him around. and he actually reminds me a bit of you sienna. he’s a super smart guy, jaded by life a bit … etc etc 🙈he reads a lot and writes a lot. since hes really smart he is always challenging life and boundaries and stuff. he is pretty bad at texting. he also smokes a lot of cigarettes and doesn’t leave the house. LOL

other than that, i’ve started a book called “what really matters” by this famous anthropologist named arthur kleinman. he’s a cool dude. the book is just about being a human and how we deal with life when shit gets bad. (e.g. mass murder, unpredictable tragedies, etc). it gets to the core of what it is to be a human (e.g. being a human = to have no control over life, to not have control over basically anything lmao). i think it will be a good read for me at this point in life

hmm what else. idk i’ve just been exhausted so i can’t wait to sleeeeeeep …

pls tell me about your life.. we really ought to phone soooooooon lol we WILL FIGIRE OUT THE WHATSAPP!!

ps who is joel, huh????

have a great weekend ~~ welcome weekend?

On Sep 2, 2017, at 02:27, Sienna Yoo <siennay@umich.edu> wrote:

hi can you update tumblr or text me updates?

k thxxxx

Ann Arbor sucks so much more knowing your beautiful smile isn’t in town.

miss you and love you a lot