#but when you sort by most recent thats when youre like OH!!! you are twelve!! i am reading a twelve year olds work!!!

[demadogs]

i was just reading a fic and i swear to god they literally fucking wrote “its giving gay fr” in the middle of the chapter. it wasnt even dialogue. some people on ao3 belong on wattpad.

[thenameisel]

Origin Stories Part Three: Stumble and Fall

"Thank you for sharing." Elliott said over coms. There was a pause. Then as if not wanting to accept that the story had ended, he continued. "Say. Did you find anything interesting at the Truck Stop?" 

Boop chuckled and leaned forward in the cockpit. A black gloved hand tapped a weird figure on the dash. Something Pip had decided was a 'Bobble Head'. Shaped like a moose, it's comically oversized head bounced back and forth. When they had found it, all those years ago, the plastic’s color had faded and spring rusted away. With a little care it looked almost good as new. Turns out Boop was halfway decent with a paintbrush. 

"I'll have to show you sometime. Old world figure. Think you'd like it."

"So, guess it's my turn?"

"Nah. Take a nap. I could use some quiet myself. We should be fresh for landing anyway." 

"Thats fair." There was mild disappointment in Elliott's voice. "Poke me if anything comes up."

"Will do." Boop muted the channel, and reached back into the thick black fur lined hood, causing Pip to release an angry sounding series of beeps. "Stop that. I want to recline. I can't do that with you there!" 

"Oh fine." Pip grumbled as he was removed from the hood, but the lights flowing across his eye was a slow content parade of color. He resettled in Boop's arms once the Hunter had leaned the seat back, and the two settled in for some nice reflective quiet. 

---------------------

"Arrival in fifteen minutes." 

Elliott jerked awake, the scraps of some dream involving Hive fading quickly from memory. He rubbed his face and shook his head, trying to remove the fog of sleep. Caush hovered steadily at his shoulder. 

"Pip's chosen landing zone is an estimated twelve minutes, twenty second sparrow ride from the target. Should give us an element of surprise. I would have picked a location further out, to reduce the chances of the ships being spotted, but calculations show the distance is… adequate." 

Caush was rambling again. Elliott squeezed his way out of the small cockpit and into the only slightly larger space behind the pilot’s seat. He had to stoop quite a bit. 

"It's an industrial area, lots of cover. Target is holed up in a shipping warehouse. We unfortunately don't have recent info on the area, but I've prepared multiple calculations on the most likely scenarios."

Their ship wasn't appointed great for long trips away from the tower, but the two of them wouldn't trade it for the shiniest exotic. It was a junker Caush had discovered many years ago, long before finding Elliott. Keeping the ship's location secret the Ghost had waited till his Titan's first Dawning to reveal its location. Together the two had worked many long hours fixing it up. To them it was worth the world. It could seat four between the cockpit and a wide bench behind in a space not big enough to call a cabin. However, there was plenty of storage hidden in the walls and floor. And while the ship did boast some decent communications and recon equipment, it completely lacked any form of living luxuries. But they made do. 

Fighting with a latch that probably should be replaced, Elliott opened one cabinet and stored his empty thermos, and retrieved a second one. He cracked it open, and smiled in relief at escaping steam. He always brought multiple. 

"Pip passed on that Boop said to be ready for a fight. In a confined area." Caush sounded miffed. "As if I hadn't already considered that possibility. What do they think I am? Some kind of Battle Frame?" 

"I'm sure it wasn't meant that way." Elliott opened another cabinet, this one was in much better shape. He started pulling out ammo packs, holding each one up for Caush to store in a flurry of sparks. "Now. What do you think we should take?"

Caush's solitary eye was a flurry of color as he ran calculations again. Potential threats, the target's location, all known data was sifted through till he was satisfied with the outcome. 

"Take that absurd auto rifle of yours. The spread will be useful in close quarters. That new scout we found might come in handy, If we need the range. And, of course, the machine gun."

"Sounds good to me."

Elliott pulled the suggested gear from various cabinets, giving Caush the machine gun to hold on to. The scout went across his back, the auto he'd keep at the ready. 

"Brace for landing." Caush said, and Elliott widened his stance. Not that he needed too, Caush was an impeccable pilot and there wasn't even the slightest bump as the ship was set down. 

The two disembarked just in time to see Boop summoning a black sparrow that was as sleek and silent as the Hunter's jumpship. Elliott did the same, his own being in better shape then his ship, as it was quite a bit newer. It had been gifted to him by the first Guardian he had ever met. A Titan by the name of McKay. 

Their Ghosts dematerialized and they took off In silence. Well, almost silence, as Caush gave regular updates to the both of them as they traveled. They had done countless ops together, they knew their roles. 

As they got close to the location, Boop picked up speed, and Elliott slowed, letting the distance widen between them. He watched as his friend took a hard left and vanished down a side street. Elliott did not follow. He’d approach the obvious way. Draw attention to himself, while the Hunter snuck in to cause chaos from behind. 

“Large building with blue trim. Up on the left.” Caush said, and while his voice was calm and steady, there was a slight hint of anticipation to it. “Adjusting calculations.”

“How close are your predictions so far?”

“Too soon to tell. Estimated thirty minutes of engagement remaining to make an accurate calculation. But 99.8 percent. Prior data suggested the building’s trim was green.”

Elliot laughed and shook his head, Caush loved his data. The Titan accepted the roles in their relationship. His Ghost did the thinking, he punched things.

Reaching the building Caush had pointed out, he cut the sparrow's engine and jumped off, letting it glide to a halt without him. He hit the ground running towards a gaping hole in the wall where an entrance might have once been. It looked suspiciously like something large had forced it's way in. He had to watch his footing as he went, for a series of evenly spaced potholes, like small impact craters, dotted the already heaved and cracked asphalt.

"Well, that's familiar eh?" He joked, not slowing his pace.

"Updating calculations. It was an unfortunate possibly."

"We'll handle it. Update Boop."

"Already done. Not answering me, but that's expected."

Suddenly he was through the gaping hole, sunblind in the dark interior. He ducked to the right, to put his back against a wall, auto rifle at the ready. Keeping the potholes in mind he threw his shoulder forward, forcing his Light into a glittering barricade in front of him. Elliott waited the breathless heartbeats as his eyes adjusted, listening expectantly for the sounds of wire rifles. 

But nothing came. All was silent. 

"Huh." 

"This is quite outside my calculations. I'm not detecting any lifeforms." 

"None?" 

"Nothing."

"Ok then. Let's take a look around." 

Elliott stepped forward through his barricade, auto rifle up. Still there was no movement. No sound. 

The interior of the warehouse had been modified into Eliksni style housing, a true maze of ramshackle walls and fabric. Elliott slowly worked his way through twisting halls, noting the signs of a hasty exit. Debris of all sorts strewn about the alcoves. Articles of clothing, household items, technology scraps and things he couldn't name. 

"Odd. Very much outside of expected parameters." Caush's observations were made from the safety of non material space. No way he would risk exposure in such an unknown situation. "Signs of quick vacation. Estimated time, three days ago."

Eventually Elliott came to a large open area that was roughly in the center of the building. Here the concrete floor gave way to wood and salvaged carpets, and a good chunk of the ceiling was gone, letting light in and illuminating the area. A central square? Gathering place?

Curious he stepped into the space, eyes sweeping left and right, looking for trouble. It was quiet.

Suddenly, something small pinged off his helmet. His auto rifle came up instinctively, looking for the source. A thumbnail sized pebble rolled to a stop in front of him. 

Scanning the environment again quickly, something caught his eye. Up. A silhouette was outlined against the sky waving hands in an almost frantic chopping motion. Boop.

“Caush?” He started, but he didn't need his Ghost to tell him this had most likely been a trap. Boop wouldn't have let him walk blind into something unless… suddenly he remembered the radio silence.

The darkness to his left shifted. Then his right. Far to many sets of sickly yellow-green eyes started appearing all around him as the forms lumbered forward from the dark. Elliott glanced back the way he came and saw more. Totally surrounded. A slightly manic grin came to his face. Of all the enemies of humanity, Hive was his favorite to fight. Why they were here and not Eliksni, he didn’t know or care.

Caush started rambling away inside his head, listing positions and numbers, possible cover locations and anything else he thought might benefit the Titan. Elliott leveled his auto rifle at the largest group, and pulled the trigger.

PAFF.PAFF.PAFF. The auto rifle chuffed, kicking back violently in Elliott's hands. PAFF.PAFF.PAFF. With each firing four barrels went off in unison, creating an unavoidable hail of death not unlike a shotgun scatter, but with the reach and predictability of an auto rifle. 

In the heartbeats between trigger pulls, he was dimly aware of the crack of Boop's sniper.  

Hive Thralls fell in droves from bullets and Elliott's Arc covered fist. Knights slowed their charge to a standstill at his onslaught. But when an Ogre lumbered out of the shadows it was Elliott who gave ground. He did so willingly, needing the space. If he didn't thin the masses soon he would be overwhelmed. Out in the center of the open area his mind touched Caush's. No words were exchanged, just impressions. They were ready. 

Elliott jumped, utilizing Light to gain extra height. His body exploded in a fury of Arc energy. Fists together, eyes blazing, he plummeted towards the Ogre, alight in a maelstrom of lightning. 

One good slam should clear out enough to turn the tide. 

Boop screamed his name, voice filled with panic.

As Elliott hit the ground and broke through the false wood floor he understood why. 

It had been a trap after all.

[blahblahwritings]

When It Rains, It Pours.

A/N: Heres to pumping out bad writing to try and resuccitate the writer inside. This didn’t turn out how I wanted it to because the evidence points aren't really explained but whatever its getting late and I'm too tired to care. 

Words: 2103.

Warnings: Well its a criminal minds fic so murder mentions, drownings, abuse mentions, kidnapping the usual.

The past few weeks had been exhausting for the BAU team, with back to back cases they rarely had time away. Their current case involved an unsub who was drowning women in their 30s one a day for the past three days. With Spencer by your side, you made your way to the medical examiner to look at the bodies for further analysis.

The abrasions around the victims wrists and ankles showed they had been restrained with rope and struggled against the binds. There were scrapes and scratches on the heels that had pieces of concrete embedded into the skin meaning that they were kept somewhere possibly underground in an old abandoned building or factory or even in someone’s basement. Reid, your husband, continued examining the body of the third, most recent, victim as you read over the reports.

“It says here they were drowned and that their lungs contained traces of common fertilisers and pesticides. So we’re looking at a rogue farmer?” Your eyebrows furrowed slightly in question. You glanced out the window, the rain streaming down the panes of glass just as heavy as it had been the past few days.

“Most likely. Given the geographical profile of where the women were last seen and where their bodies were found there are three hundred and twelve point six square meters of farmland but the problem is pinpointing which area the unsub is working in because the fertilisers are so commonly used.” He replied without breaking focus from the body in front of him. A small smile found its way to your face, his knowledge always impressing you.

“Okay, Sherlock, so what are you thinking?” You asked, putting down the report and moving towards the table. He stood to his full height, turning to you with tired eyes. “That we should call Garcia, I’ll tell her what to search for and hopefully she can give us a lead.” He almost managed to finish his sentence without a yawn. Almost. “Well you can do that in the car, you look drained, I’ll drive.” You kissed his cheek as you took the keys from him, intertwining your fingers and guiding him through the office until you reached the exit.

-

The team were taking shifts, Reid, Rossi and Kate were asleep in the hotel around the corner from the precinct while Hotch, Morgan, JJ and yourself worked on the case. You had dropped Reid off before driving through the storm to get a round of coffee to bring back to the rest of the team, your own tiredness starting to set deep into your bones. It was 11:30pm and the white noise of rain wasn’t doing anything for your sleepy state but the promise off coffee kept you from turning around and going straight back to the hotel for some much needed Zs.

You parked up outside the first 24hour coffee place you saw, ordering four of the strongest drinks they had. The lights were blinding in comparison to the streetlights outside but you stood, patiently waiting for your order. The only other customers were what looked to be two construction workers in hi-vis jackets, probably form the road works a little while back. They sat at a table in the corner, almost asleep until the guy at the counter shouted their order, causing them to startle awake. A few minutes passed and your order was called. Collecting the cup holder you jogged back to your car, opening the passenger-side door and setting them down on the seat.

As you started to walk to the drivers side, you shot a text to JJ telling her you’d be about five minutes, getting soaked in the process. Rounding the back of the car you bumped into a man, dropping your phone. Alarms sounded in your head, every muscle kicking into action as you took several steps back, a guarded look on your features. He was in his forties, well-built and had at least a foot on you with a face like clay, pushed and pulled and contorted. His boots were covered in mud and his jeans had dirt on the knees. Your phone was behind him. Your gun in the car.

Three strides and he was on you. As you opened your mouth to scream, he covered your mouth with a cloth, the sound muffling and the pungent smell of chloroform filling your nose. You held your breath and tried to fight, flinging elbows and feet behind you in a futile attempt to break free. Your last thought as you started to go limp was Spencer. Then it was dark.

-

It had been over an hour since JJ received the text from you. After her calls kept going to answer phone, Morgan had left with Hotch to try and find your car, tracking the GPS location of the vehicle to the parking lot you’d been taken in. JJ rang Reid once they had confirmed you were missing with your phone found smashed near your unlocked car. By the time he and the others arrived at the station, Morgan and Hotch had sent the security camera footage to the precinct. Spencer stood staring at the screen, fear manifesting in every fibre of his being as the only image was of your struggle against a man clearly much larger than you then your body drooping as you passed out. His vision blurred, his mind somehow coming to a standstill, unable to move or breathe.

“Spence.. Reid” JJ shook him gently. He didn’t flinch, instead turned slowly to his friend with tears in his eyes, hair messy from his hands running through it over and over. “We’re gonna find her, I promise.” But the words didn’t seem to process in the genius’ mind. Right now, all he could think about was the slim chance that you’d get out of this alive. His jaw clenched, a look of anger took over his usually soft features before he started working on the case again. He wouldn’t let you die like this, he refused. He needed you by his side and he would stop at nothing to ensure your safe return.

-

The first thing you felt was the sting of your feet being scraped against the floor, then the ache in your arms and shoulders as you realised you were being dragged by the rope binding your wrists down dark, cold hallway. You were still groggy from being drugged and couldn’t bring yourself to fight against the unsub but you tried your best, pulling at the binds. Your kidnapper grunted in response, the attempts not concerning him in the slightest. He picked you up, lying you in something cold and smooth then tying you down so you couldn’t escape. You shook yourself further awake.

“Who are you and why are you doing this.” You mumbled, the words tumbling carelessly from your lips. No response. A calloused hand found its way to your face, his thumb rubbed against your cheekbone and a whimper was heard from beside you. “What’s wrong?” You tried showing sympathy but still got nothing in return. The room was pitch black and you could only make out his silhouette. He stood, walking somewhere out of sight before you heard a door shut and lock. Your head lay back against the hard material behind you, arms hanging above and your legs folded over some kind of edge. You felt anything you could get your hands on and found you were tied to a thin pipe of some sort but nothing really became any clearer.  

A loud metallic clang sounded above you and freezing water rained down on you, soaking your already damp clothes. The light from the opening revealed you were lying in a bathtub, hands by the taps and your legs bound so you couldn��t move. You jumped at the sudden drop in temperature. Panic rose in you and you started thrashing around but to no avail. You were trapped. The only spark of hope was that the team would find you. That Spence would find you.

-

“Okay so I analysed the footage and ran it through different software and it looks as though our unsub is about 6’4” and built like a bull but thats all I can find.” Garcia’s voice rang out through the tinny speakers of the phone.

“Alright babygirl, I’m gonna need you to look for men in their mid thirties to forties who possibly works on a farm or lived on one as a kid.” Morgan began. “Yeah that’s only the entire population of the town you’re in, c’mon I need more than that.” She quipped.

“Crosscheck that with a history of violence against women or a history of abuse during childhood, the victims are a surrogate for a woman in his past possibly a parental figure as they all share similar physical attributes.” Spencer added, his brain spitting out words quicker than Garcia could really process. Rapid typing could be heard on the other end of the phone a moment after.

“Oh good doctor you are brilliant, there are two men who fit the criteria and live in the comfort zone, one being Mr. James Bailor, a 38 year old farmer who has been arrested on three accounts of domestic violence against his wife. He lives on the farm, recently ordered a batch of the same fertiliser found in the victims’ lungs and lived on a farm with his aunt at the age of eight due to abuse from his parents.” She explained before continuing. “The other is Mr. Grant O’Connor, a 43 year old farmer with a long list of felonies consisting almost entirely of beating on women and drug use. His mother died a week ago but he was taken into care at a young age because… oh my god… she tried to drown him in a tub when he was just six years old claiming his birth defects were ‘against god’ and he should be ‘cleansed and sent straight back to hell’.” She finished breathless, their backgrounds clearly upsetting her.

“Thats him. Thats our unsub.” Reid declared, grabbing his gun from the table as he stood. “Whats his address?” He asked, shaking with too many emotions to count. There were two, one being his current home and the other being the farm his mother used to live in. The team leapt into action, speeding off to the latter address.

-

The water had reached your chin, the shivering long subsided as hypothermia took over your body. You couldn’t remember when you had begun to sob, the hot tears a sharp contrast against the coldness of your skin. “PLEASE.” You wept, hopeless. “Just let me out.” Your voice broke. Exhaustion had washed over your body a long time ago, the lack of sleep, the drugs and the cold all beating you down and preventing you from fighting with any real strength.

The water continued to rise and as it reached your nose you flailed about in the water, managing to get very little air. Then the unsub came in, wrapping his hands around your throat and pushing you down into the water as you fought. A loud siren pierced the noise of the room, startling the unsub but he kept you under. You held your breath for as long as possible but you could only do so much. The door to the room burst open, slamming against the wall, muted voices shouted but your world started to fade, your hearing going too.

A shot rang out and the water turned red. You kicked your legs and felt someone cut the ropes at your wrists free, pulling your top half out of the water. Coughing up the water you’d taken in, you gasped and clawed at the body lifting you out of the water, horrified cries the only thing left to leave your mouth. Two arms wrapped around your torso which you quickly identified as Spencer’s.

“Sh sh shhh. You’re alright, I’ve got you, love, you’re safe.” He cooed, trying to calm you down as well as himself. You curled into him, sobs wracking your body as you gripped onto his shirt. You thought that you’d die here, never to see him again, never to see your friends or family. The horror and anxiety snapped your chest in two, breathing becoming even more difficult as you broke down in his arms.

“I’m never letting you out of my sight again, I love you so much, I’m so sorry. It’s okay now. It’s okay.. It’s okay…” His voice broke as he too cried, repeating those two words as you rocked back and forth.

[la-knight]

BOOKS I (RE)READ IN 2018: FURTHERMORE BY TAHEREH MAFI

"Alice Alexis Queensmeadow, 12, rates three things most important: Mother, who wouldn’t miss her; magic and color, which seem to elude her; and Father, who always loved her. Father disappeared from Ferenwood with only a ruler, almost three years ago. But she will have to travel through the mythical, dangerous land of Furthermore, where down can be up, paper is alive, and left can be both right and very, very wrong. Her only companion is Oliver whose own magic is based in lies and deceit. Alice must first find herself—and hold fast to the magic of love in the face of loss." "Red was ruby, green was fluorescent, yellow was simply incandescent. Color was life. Color was everything. Color, you see, was the universal sign of magic." "Love, it turned out, could both hurt and heal." "Narrow-mindedness will only get you as far as Nowhere, and once you're there, you're lost forever.” "Alice was an odd girl, even for Ferenwood, where the sun occasionally rained and the colors were brighter than usual and magic was as common as a frowning parent." "Making magic is far more interesting than making sense." So I actually read this book a few months ago and then recently reread it via audio so I could remember all the details for this review. I was first introduced to Tahereh Mafi’s work through her book Shatter Me, her debut novel. Ironically, it wasn’t through any of the ways I normally hear about books - Booktube, Goodreads, my best friend, Booklr - but from my husband’s aunt. She runs - or used to run, not sure if she’s still doing it - a book review blog. And she posted a review of Shatter Me and I was like, “What a weird, interesting writing style, lemme check this out.” At this point the entire Shatter Me Trilogy plus novellas had been published and I devoured all of them (still need to review those, too). So when I heard Tahereh Mafi was writing a middle grade book, I got super excited! Especially because this was during a time when I was too stressed out to read any YA, since most of the YA I like involves having to save the world and all the stress that entails. I need to lay out some trigger warnings real quick: the main character, Alice? Her mom is incredibly abusive, both emotionally and physically. It’s treated as not such a big deal in the book, which is honestly the story’s only real flaw, but it’s bad. It took me seven tries and resorting to an audiobook (and even with a fantastic narrator, that short audiobook took me almost a month to get through) because the abuse was so bad. So:

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE OF A CHILD BY THEIR PARENT

Let’s get started, yo! First of all, the setting. OMG. See, I love tthis thing called Victorian fairy tales, which is something you can find in books like Mary Poppins - these super fantastical bits of whimsy that just warm your heart and make you grin because they’re so creative and fun. In the Mary Poppins books, you can jump into chalk drawings and go to a circus amidst the stars and make friends with a woman who sells living candy-cane horses. In Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland series, there are shadow balls and talking phonographs. And in Furthermore, there’s light raining down from the sky in literal drops, sticks of magic you use like money, and forests full of invisible berries. The way the world is put together and described, so full of color and imagination, is awesome and beautiful and I could picture it perfectly. It reminded me in all the best ways of books like The Phantom Tollbooth (one of my favorites). But I wouldn’t want to live there, because Ferenwood is full of colorism and ick. Alice, the female lead, is an albino in a world where color is important and the darker you are, the more magical you’re considered to be. So Alice gets treated like garbage. 

Also I think Alice may be autistic, but I don’t know if she’s deliberately coded autistic or if Tahereh Mafi did it by accident while trying to make Alice eccentric, but she comes across as autistic. I’ve actually begun to pay more attention to that sort of the thing in recent years, being autistic myself, and I see it a lot - authors giving their characters autistic characteristics, often without meaning to. I just touch on it here because Alice is already treated badly for being albino, but she’s also considered a freak because of the way she behaves - like an autistic preteen. And I wonder if Tahereh Mafi did that on purpose as a sort of commentary or not, because while Alice is treated badly by the people of Ferenwood for her behavior, the Narrator (who is an actual character in the story; love when that happens) always sides with Alice in this regard. The storyline is sweet and I love it. Alice tries to compete in the magical testing all the preteens do on their twelfth birthday, and so she dances. And her dancing is magical but it’s not Magical, you know? So she fails the test. Well, turns out a boy who passed the test the year before, Oliver (the brat), needs Alice’s help fulfilling a quest - rescuing Alice’s missing dad. So they go on a quest together, although Alice hates Oliver (and rightly so, he’s rude). They go to a dozen different and cool places, all of which are dangerous and all of which are different. I wish we could’ve spent more time in those places but I understand why we didn’t. The only annoying thing is there’s an origami fox on the cover but it only pops up in one of the worlds for like two pages and then it’s gone and I thought we could spend more time both in that world and with that creature since it ended up on the cover. But alas, not. I understand why - middle grade is often cursed to be short, especially if it’s the author’s first MG novel ever. Once you get big and bad like Rick Riordan you can start tossing out gihugic tomes like Son of Neptune or Blood of Olympus on the regular. Oliver’s reason for needing Alice was one I didn’t see coming, nor was her magical talent - a talent they hint at throughout the book but never explain until near the end, at the perfect moment. I thought it was an interesting commentary on how young girls perceive themselves, that Alice hates this marvelous, amazing talent she has of bringing color into the world from nothing...because she can’t use it to change how she looks. Society has trained her already, by the age of twelve, to discount something incredible about herself because she can’t use it to make herself into what society wants her to be. That’s pretty impressive for a book this short. I loved some of the more deliberate messages in the work - the thing I mentioned about society’s pressures on young girls, and also that it’s okay to tell boys to screw off if they’re mean to you, and to have hope and to look for second chances (Alice thinks she only has one chance to pass the test and believes her life is over when she fails, only to find out she can try again the next year). I love all of that, and the lyrical and whimsical quality of the prose, and the world building is so creative and also makes me a bit hungry (people eat magic in this book, among other things; I wonder what it tastes like). Now...let’s talk about the abuse. That’s my biggest issue with the book. Alice’s mother is a total bitch. And not in a cool, kickass way like the lady in the show Empire. She’s vicious, she’s cruel, and she’s abusive. Alice knows - and the Narrator confirms - that she turned bad when her husband went missing, and apparently the worry for him and the strain of raising four kids on her own is making her hard and sad, but I don’t give a shit. I was hoping Tahereh Mafi would’ve gone all Hansel and Gretel on this lady and when Alice comes home with her dad, the wife’s dead or something. She beats Alice (at one point she beat Alice for chasing a boy out of the place where she was sleeping, even though he kept staring at her in her sleeping clothes, because apparently the boy - Oliver - had the right to break into their barn at 3AM and ogle Alice???), she verbally abuses Alice, she sends her to bed regularly without dinner, is constantly criticizing, won’t hug her or kiss her, and - this one really got me, for some reason - forces her to do illegal things. Those invisible berries I mentioned? Alice can find them and bring back whole baskets because of her magical gift, and so her mom sends her out to pick them all the time. If she brings home enough, her mom smiles. If she doesn’t, her mom yells and calls her names and sometimes beats her. Guess what? Picking those berries is illegal. We don’t find this out until much later in the book, but it is. The thing I didn’t like about the berries is that Oliver, who’s thirteen, is less concerned about Alice’s mother beating her for not picking enough contraband berries and instead focuses on how her ability to find the berries in the first place means Alice has really impressive magic. NOBODY seems to care how much Alice is being abused, not even the Narrator. The Narrator sympathizes with Alice’s hurt feelings and despair over her missing Father, but it’s never objectively stated that her mom is abusing her AND SHE IS. Yeah, her mom is sooo glad to have her back after Alice almost dies on her trip with Oliver, but so what? My roommate’s mom is so abusive that my roommate’s clergy leaders, doctors, and psychological therapist all said my roommate needed to cut ties with said mom, even though my roommate’s mom has also exhibited the same kind of “oh baby I’m so sorry, I love you so much” bullshit. That’s what abusers do. So I hate Alice’s mom. She literally makes her daughter feel like if she doesn’t risk her life numerous times AND bring her father back, there is no chance her mother will ever love her. And if she pulls that stuff off (which she does), then MAYBE her mother will love her. Nuh-uh. Nope. Hate that bitch. Other than that, I really loved this book. The characters felt real (Alice is me, but without my anger), Even the ones I didn’t like were still REAL, and well-drawn. The world building and word choice is fantastic. Basically, if you can get past the evil mom, read this book. World Building: 1 star Realism: 1 star Word Choice: 1 star Plot: 1 star Characterization: 1 star - ¼ star because Oliver Newbanks is an obnoxious little creep - 1 star because the mom is AN ABUSIVE EVIL BITCH - ¼ star because NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THAT +½ star because Alice is amazing and has a genius brain and I love her Total score: 4/5 stars Would I Buy It: Yes! I own it and loved it enough I got the sequel for Christmas (in...2017...I've been sitting on this review for months...)! Would I Recommend: yes, but with trigger warnings. Again, highly abusive evil bitch mom who somehow doesn’t die.

[doomedandstoned]

SÂVER: Raging At Darkness, Stepping Into Light

~By Billy Goate~

When I heard that former Tombstones members were forming a new band called SÂVER, I knew it was going to be doomy, but I don't think I was prepared for an album of such immense breadth and ferocity. You think Slomatics or Conan can command a hall? Well, let's just say with S VER you're in the Hall of the Mountain King. As I listen, it's not hard to imagine an apocalyptic scenario where the SÂVER's powerful strains break out in the dead of night, echoing through nightmarish forests, over majestic mountains, and into the impenetrable dark of Norway's wild. I can't believe how perfectly this recording captures size, scope, and grandiosity of their sound.

They Came With Sunlight by SÂVER

A deep, quietly percussive bass note opens up "Distant Path" and is joined in short order by menacing reverb of the synth. Two minutes in, the guitar and drums join in the layers of crescendo. At last, Ole Christian Helstad joins the fruckus of this brewing storm, ever building, building, building towards its inevitably violent release. Five minutes into the song, a torrent of rain swells down, accompanied by a hail of steady notes on guitar. At the eight-minute mark, a terrifyingly grandiose symphony of raging vocals and the combined force of Helstad's explosive bass, Markus Støle's drums, and Ole Ulvik Rokseth's guitar brings us the apocalyptic moment we've all been waiting for. Simply put, it is jaw-droppingly huge. 'They Came With Sunlight' (2019) has officially begun.

The following track, "I, Vanish," would make a fine companion to Yob's "The Screen." It ticks and tocks and grinds its gears like the mechanical clock of some mad horologist, who watches each finely tuned movement closely to see if we are nearer to Doomsday. This and the succession of tracks that follow take us on an ethereal journey of sorts. The music gives a continual sense of flow -- whether with the echo of chords, the precise rhythms of repeated notes, or the fury of blinding tremolos, we are always moving, moving, moving. The complexity of movement may find some drawing comparisons with Black Cobra, Mastodon, perhaps even Tool and Meshuggah.

They Came With Sunlight by SÂVER

"Influx" breaks with this form just long enough to make us question what we thought was real. Are we awake in the real world or in some kind of a dream where the rules still aren't known? It feels like we are floating in a state of suspended animation. The lyrics throughout the album are obscure, making it hard to get a straight answer one way or another. Perhaps the point is to ponder the larger themes exposited by these opaque words, to free our minds to wander and explore the possibilities. I will say the interview that follows helps to clear up at least one or two mysteries for us, but overall the material remains high concept, abstract, and surreal.

They Came With Sunlight by SÂVER

"How They Envisioned Life" is the most heart-wrenching song of the lot. There is real pain here, as the singer lashes out with some of the purest rage on record at everything he believed to be true and faithful about his reality. There's also what appears to be a tug of war. The light wants him, the dark wants him. Is this a near-death experience? I'll let you be the judge.

"Step out of light!" - Dark Frozen by fright, left to survive Under the sky Leave!! Leave my soul to him!

They came - They saw How they envisioned life Embrace the warmth that I have left you with

Please let us stay Through depths and stone I see light

Leave – Leave my soul to him

They came - They saw How they envisioned light Your rage - minds covered This ancient hollowed out fight I have left you - Light

"Dissolve To Ashes" gets even stranger with references to "cosmic shuttles" and panicked attempts to find a path that will lead to light. Come to think of it, this is actually is starting to feel like the kind of things I dream about on the regular!

They Came With Sunlight by SÂVER

The ancient archetypal struggle between light and darkness comes to a head in the album's longest track, the twelve-and-a-half minute "Altered Light." There are hints that maybe the light isn't quite what it seems and that a little sleight of hand is involved when some people promise to show us the way.

I'd like to point out something I've not mentioned up to this point: melody. The riffs on this album are, for lack of a better expression, very "hummable." This means these little earworms will be working their magic on you long after you've walked away from the record. I've found myself humming or tapping the theme to this song at the grocery store, at work, while doing laundry, you name it. Look, I don't have the answers to the riddles presented by They Came WIth Sunlight. What I can offer you is SÂVER. Oh, and if you dig this kind of sound, be sure and check out Markus Støle and Ole Rokseth's other project HYMN.

Photograph by Adrian Kraakefingar Vindedal

Interview with SÂVER's Ole Rokseth

~Photographs by Pål Bellis~

“It sounds like war.”

Congratulations on a successful album launch via Pelagic Records and for debuting at the #10 spot on the Doom Charts with 'They Came With Sunlight' (2019).

Thanks, Billy! The response has been overwhelming. We are super stoked.

The last time we checked in, Tombstones had just disbanded and then I think I lost track of the story for a good two years after that. What was going on in the backdrop leading up to the formation of SÂVER?

We spent a year, more or less, in our rehearsal space after Tombstones, just writing new material without having a plan. I don't think it took that long before we knew we had to make something of it, so we talked alot about what type of band we wanted to start and what type of music we wanted to play. We all knew we wanted to do something different. So it's been a lot of experimenting with sounds and gear to get to where we are now.

What does the band’s name signify?

It means "sleep" or "sleeping" in an old Norwegian dialect, from out in the woods where Ole Helstad is from.

“We wanted to just leave.”

The opening line from “Dissolve To Ashes” starts with: “They came with sunlight” -- it’s also the title of the album. I’m used to song and album titles that refer to the menace of darkness and those that prey in the shadows, but here you’re anticipating the arrival of something with the dawn. Can you illuminate this?

I think that line, in particular, is spoken through someone or something else “on the other side.” The clean singing sort of amplifies that. At some point during the writing process, I painted this picture in my mind of three dudes just leaving the earth towards a better destination, in search of “The Light.” So most of the lyrics is based around that journey. I think people relate to that and that's why it's equally heavy as the typical “metal lyrics.” It's just about life, man.

“It's just about life, man.”

So much of metal is focused on pain, misery, death, subjugation, and very little is written about “the light” -- especially not in a style as heavy, so it really intrigues me.

Yes, well, I don't think there is any point in writing about stuff thats not from your own experiences and thought. We just sort of turned it all around and wrote about our journey away from death, shadows, and battleaxes. It was really about what all of us went through at the time. We wanted to just leave.

The tracks on They Came With Sunlight are huge. This and the recent Yob album are among the few that have been successful in writing cohesive long-form compositions that carry an effective dramatic arc. How does a piece like “I, Vanish” come together?

That song is based on a bass riff that Ole brought to the table one night. And I guess we just wrote it the way we know best. Weed, beer, and a sweaty rehearsal space with low lighting. We are all believers of repetition in music, and that song is all about that for sure. This whole album really came together naturally and I think it's because we all had a need to express ourselves in a different way than in other bands and we had a clear vision of what we wanted to do early on.

The production value is very high on the new album, capturing the depth, range, and power of your sound admirably. What have you learned about recording your sound now that’s different from when you first started recording albums with Tombstones a decades ago?

I always have all of these different ideas and thoughts on how to record the next album to make it better than what we have done before. But we always, at least in these types of bands, conclude that recording live is the only way. And having a studio tech that can provide good recordings of all the instruments is key. So we basically just do what we have been doing at rehearsals and know that the guys behind the desk just captures it at that moment. Joona Hassinen at Studio Underjord in Sweden was that guy, and he couldn't have done a better job. Everything sounded really good straight out of the mixing board, so we knew early on that this was gonna be a super heavy experience. That being said, we had a lot of weird accidents on this album, as well, that Joona decided to just leave in. Art by accident, dude. Always cool. We obviously added stuff after recording it live, but it's not really that far from it.

“Three dudes just leaving the earth towards a better destination in search of The Light.”

If nothing else, doom is surely infamous for its “low ‘n’ slow” approach. How in the name of Hades did you get such a damning sound on this record? What did you tune to, for example, on “Distant Path”?

It's that whole year of continuously hitting the rehearsal space, practicing and trying out different sounds. We knew we wanted to try and distance ourselves from all the other “doom” bands that are out there, but yet not losing ourselves and what we think sounds cool.

We tune in drop A, and the guitars have pretty thin string gauges to get that open, heavy sound. Not that much distortion either, to be honest. Most of the fuzz comes from Helstad's 215 bass cabinet. A Lot of the sound also came together after I bought a Fender Telecaster Deluxe and combined it with an older Peavey transistor head. Bringing a synthesizer to mix also opened a lot for us. I inherited a real passion for old and new synths from my brother. His collection of synths is out of this world -- thanks Pål.

As Joona said after re-amping the fuzz bass, “It sounds like war.” I will never stop trying out new gear and trying new weird shit, and that's a big part of me evolving as a musician.

Picking up from that last question, the level of tonal depth you were able to capture on this recording is truly remarkable. Without ever feeling muted or distorted, you’ve managed to capture the grandiosity and rumbling low-end of those bruising chords.

Joona basically just recorded -- with great technique and experience -- what we played then and there. If the song is heavy, and you believe in it, it's gonna come out heavy. No matter what amp you use or what pickup you have in you guitar. I'm pretty sure Jimi Hendrix would make a shitty B.C. Rich Warlock from 2009 sing and penetrate your soul in the same way he does with his Stratocaster.

What amps and gear did you use in the recording?

We recorded it live with the same set-up as we use at gigs and rehearsals. I won't get into all the pedal details. On guitar, I played through a stereo setup with 412 cabinets. Peavey Century Bass Series and and old Simms Watts 100. Well, bass was actually reamped, but Helstad uses his Rickenbacker 4003 through a Ampeg SVT Classic with an 810 cab and a Peavey Standard with a Peavey 215 cab. Markus, of course, can make any drum kit sound amazing, though I don't remember the particulars of what he used in this recording.

To record the synth parts, I borrowed his brother's Korg MS10 from the '70s. One of our all time favourite synthesizers, but it's old, rare, and not cheap, so recently I bought a Moog Sub Phatty that I bet you will hear more of on our next record. If people want to know more, we love talking gear. Come check us out live and have a chat.

How did you arrive at the decision to use synthesizers in these compositions, anyway?

I've been active in two other electronica-based bands: Gundelach and Hubbabubbaklubb. I got inspired by these two acts and my brother, who plays synth in those two bands, as well. As mentioned, he's got an enormous collection of vintage, kickass synthesizers. All of us love the sound of it and also electronic music, and we wanted to use that as a tool to divide our sound from the common doom band. You can expect more synth on the next album.

"Art by accident, dude. Always cool.”

How have your live performances gone so far? We’d love to have you back to the States sometime!

Really good! Again, the response has been overwhelming. As a band, it's really important to set goals, and we have met almost all of our goals to this date. It's crazy. We are really looking forward to next year! Playing the US has been a goal for all of us forever and is something we definitely want to make happen with S VER. Hopefully next year, Billy, we can meet up and have a beer.

The Great SÂVER Giveaway

The band has been kind enough to offer 15 free downloads of their new album to 15 lucky souls. Redeem one code below at pelagicrecords.bandcamp.com/yum.

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[sodrippy]

p1: asdfgjl you becoming Amos stan within the first half of the season, dare I say ICONIC™ (also: I KNEW IT!!) I haven't read the books bc what I love best about the show is the mystery and I feel like reading them would spoil some of it for me but I know there's an amos novella that gives a bit of a backstory and honestly I don't think there's anything wrong with him besides the childhood trauma that is Really Heavily implied

p2: also I’ve noticed that he sticks close to characters he considers good ppl (his love for naomi for expl) bc he trust them to tell him if what he’s doing is wrong, like he listens to naomi bc she’s his moral compass and the fact that he cares and worries about if what he’s doing is ok means he’s def not a sociopath just really pragmatic and traumatised also im pretty certain it’s book canon that he’s not straight

honestly thank god i was like ‘mate if amos was not one of the characters you thought id love im a fake’ but truly…..we STAN!!!!! i love him sm hes valid all the time even when hes not, alright. yeah same im like, should i maybe read the books once im done w the most recent season, but then if i do that its spoilers for the show and ill be less inclined to watch it maybe and all that. 

oh yeah totally, like the first really Wild thing that struck me was when he shoots semi, before that i was really just like ‘tbh thats valid’ bc all the things he did/said were pretty much just ‘either you die or you die!’ and it makes sense, but the thing with semi i was like oh okay…but same absolutely i think his main thing is just trauma related empathy issues and such, and ur so right he makes a choice to attach himself to Moral Centers which mood makes me even more sure hes not got any kind of sociopathic tendencies or anything of that sort hes just like ‘welcome to my twisted mind but also maybe lets not’ like hes just reacting to the world around him most of the time and lets be honest if ur out there in space with twelve different factions trying to kill you would you not want someone whos got your back like that no matter what?? 

[denisalvney]

How Jennifer the Photographer Discovered a Love of Strength Training, Lost 20 Pounds, and Leveled up Her Life.

“This is why we do this.”

When I heard Jennifer’s story, I knew I had to share it.

She’s a member of the Nerd Fitness community who for years struggled with things most of us can relate to:

Seeking comfort in sugary foods and alcohol.

A lack of energy and all around feeling of fatigue.

An eating disorder as a teenager that created an unhealthy relationship with food.

Not knowing her next step towards a healthier lifestyle.

Jennifer found herself stuck in this pattern until rock bottom presented itself: divorce.

When bad times strike, it becomes easy to slip further into bad habits and vices.

Jennifer knew this and realized she had to turn her life around.

Six months ago, she did just that.

Today, Jennifer loves strength training and is the strongest she’s ever been. She changed her views on food and nutrition and is no longer intimidated by the kitchen. Jennifer recently completed her first 8k, something she couldn’t have dreamed of doing before.

And oh, Jennifer just came back from an epic photography trip where her new found stamina and strength allowed her to hike mountains to capture some awesome shots:

That’s her!

I’m honored that Jennifer has been a member of our 1-on-1 Online Coaching program since August, and has used our guidance to level up her life!

While strength training and getting comfortable in the kitchen are important, the real success for Jennifer has been with her mindset. She knows she can’t change everything at once and is using one small change to spring into another change and then another, using each as a stepping stone to the next.

This new frame of mind is something we can all learn from.

It’s how Jennifer was able to transform so quickly and lose 20 pounds in a healthy, sustainable way. While it seems like changing everything at once is the quickest way to success, it’s often too stressful and thus abandoned.

However, if you do what Jennifer did, and start with one simple habit like a food journal – it can start improving other areas of your life too.

You don’t need to hear it from me though…

Let’s bring in Jennifer!

HOW JENNIFER THE PHOTOGRAPHER LOST 20 POUNDS AND LEVELED UP HER LIFE

STEVE: Hi Jennifer! Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me.

I’d love to hear from you about your past – can you describe a normal day for you before you joined NF Coaching?

JENNIFER: My day was pretty random, with no real set schedule. It would be hard for me to get up in the morning, and then I’d have an unhealthy breakfast – the American South is full of delicious things like biscuits and fried foods. Later in the day, I’d often find myself needing to take a long nap.

Looking back, I did not have any sort of set schedule and spent my days with a foggy brain and zero energy.

STEVE: I hear ya. A super carb heavy and sugary breakfast can send your blood sugar on a rollercoaster for the day. Sometimes a nap is the only way off of it.

What changed? What made you invest in yourself by joining Nerd Fitness Coaching last summer?

JENNIFER: I had a really horrific divorce and hit an all time low. I moved out of my home in Seattle, WA, back to my hometown in North Carolina. Sometimes you just have to escape your surroundings.

I found myself comforting with sugary foods and alcohol. You know, totally healthy antidepressants.

This really started to take a toll on my body.

I had a moment of clarity then, as I realized I just didn’t have enough knowledge or drive to make changes on my own. I’m a believer in the “spoon theory,” which is a metaphor you see around the internet, which helps explain the limited amount of energy we face.

Imagine having twelve spoons handed to you each morning. Every task or difficult scenario takes a spoon from you. Often at the end of the day, you have no more “spoons” to give.

I knew I’d be much more successful with a routine that didn’t require any “spoons” to get to the gym. Instead, I could just start with workouts from home.

It was right about then I decided to give the Nerd Fitness Coaching program a try. I decided I wanted to be told exactly what to do, which again would require less “spoons” from me.

STEVE: I love the analogy of “spoons!” We’ve talked here in the past that willpower can be a finite resource for many. By the end of the day, you really can just be drained. Our philosophy on the subject matches your thoughts on spoon theory. That’s why we always encourage people to design systems that have the least amount of friction and require the least amount of willpower, or “spoons.”

I’m glad you realized this and wanted to create a system where you could start working out from home. You can grow the practice into a gym routine (or not) later. The important thing is finding a system that allows you to start TODAY.

You’ve been with coach Evan now for six months. Can you talk to me a little bit about what he had you do?

JENNIFER: Evan started me out just counting calories, learning about the foods I ate, and getting used to comfortably logging my meals.

I had an eating disorder as a teenager. Hyper-focusing on everything I was eating and logging it all was really starting to trigger a lot of anxiety and bad memories in the beginning.

But I told Evan all of this at our first meeting and he has been very good about helping me completely turn my perspective around about tracking my meals. He told me not to have any judgment about what I was eating, and to view the practice as a scientist collecting data.

That perspective helped (Steve’s note: woo! Science rules!)

For exercise, Evan started me out just taking a walk every day, followed shortly by some basic bodyweight exercises. At first, these were really tough, because I was really out of shape to start. I’d end most sessions a sweaty exhausted mess on the floor.

Then Evan added in more dumbbell exercises (I have a small set at home and borrowed a bench from my family) and I instantly fell in love with those exercises! Evan made sure to add more of those into my routine as well.

STEVE: That’s great to hear Jennifer. It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of strength training.

What’s your routine like now? What else is Evan having you do?

JENNIFER: 5 months in, I’m even more of an avid walker. I walk daily, sometimes over 5 miles, or sometimes shorter if my walking buddies bail on me.

Total flakes (j/k, I love you guys).

I do strength training 3 days a week with a combination of bodyweight and dumbbell exercises.

We just introduced some yoga routines to both help with stress relief and to help with stretching and mobility. I have had some issues with cranky muscles and joints on occasion, which yoga is helping with.

The whole experience has been crazy to me.

I’ve gotten to the point where I enjoy some kind of physical activity every day of the week.  

And fell IN LOVE with lifting weights.

It is damn satisfying to see myself becoming a chick with “guns.”

At this point, I have bigger biceps than my father and brother, haha. I am loving every second of that. It feels so good to be strong and be able to handle things on my own.

As a female, that is even more important to me because society is pretty much built around telling us women that we can’t be strong enough and we cannot do things on our own. I am fed up with that cultural stereotype!

As an aside, prior to joining NF Coaching, I was greatly inspired by Staci’s story and transformation. I like to think I’m following in her footsteps.

STEVE: Yes! I love it. I think everyone should follow a strength training practice: man, woman, child, grandparent, self-aware robot… all of them! I’m really glad you found this new passion.

Also, I’m glad you found inspiration from Staci! Many a rebel around here have also changed their lives after reading about Staci.

You sent over some awesome pics of a recent trip in Scotland. Can you talk to me a little bit about that?

JENNIFER: It was my goal in 2018 to do a hiking trip in Scotland. With Evan’s help, I got enough strength and endurance to do exactly that!

I went on a photography workshop on the Isle of Skye and completed the most difficult hike I have ever done up to a rock structure called the Old Man of Storr. It was one of the proudest moments of my life. I couldn’t have done it without Evan’s help. So I am quite grateful.

I wanted to be able to do the mountain hikes with all my heavy camera gear on my back, without being assigned to the group of folks who couldn’t do as much. I knew I was in no shape to do it originally.

However, Evan and I created a plan, executed it, and boom! Up the mountain I went.

I can do so many cool things with my body that I wasn’t able to do 5 months ago! I power walked my first 8k about a month after starting with Evan. It was hard but I had built the endurance from walking every single day before it.

STEVE: I think it’s so great that you worked towards a goal and then hit it. I often encourage people to try and build up strength for an event. Something like a marathon, a ski trip, or in your case a photography workshop on the top of a mountain.

It gives you something to shoot for, something to motivate you to work out when it seems so much easier to skip it. I’m glad you created a goal for yourself, made a plan with your coach, and then nailed it!

Your physical appearance has changed. What else has changed about you?

JENNIFER: I’ve had vast improvements in my posture which I think in turn has improved my self-confidence.

There’s something about standing straight and tall with your shoulders back that makes you feel a bit like a badass. Someone who can conquer anything the day will throw at you.

I’ve also battled depression for most of my adult life. And while it by no means is cured, the severity of it has been lessened by the daily physical activity and improved nutrition.

All around, today I have the general ability to do more things because I have more energy and focus than I used to.

I still have days when I get overly stressed out and go a bit off the rails with my nutrition and make unhealthy choices. However, I appreciate Nerd Fitness for the “never twice in a row” mindset. It keeps me from feeling like an utter failure if I have a day with too much pizza or delicious cake or something. I just know the next day, it’s time for me to get back on track.

STEVE: That’s so cool! I’m happy “never twice in a row” resonated with you. I think it’s an important tool for preventing bad habits from developing. When people slip up (and we all slip up), it can become so easy to continue. Having a motto that stops this trend from continuing is a game-changer. I’m proud of you Jennifer.  

You mentioned a need to adjust your relationship with food. Can you talk to me a little bit about that? What’s your nutrition strategy like now?

JENNIFER: I’m proud to say I’ve changed my relationship with food. I’ve always used food as a comfort. Knowing this, I was really nervous about even just logging my food. Looking back though, it was such an important first step.

Tracking everything I was eating was eye-opening.

It helped me see what I was putting into my body, which gave me more confidence and determination in the kitchen. As of today, I’ve conquered cooking all kinds of foods, founds healthy recipes I enjoy, and am beginning to work on meal prep. Evan has a strategy for me to plan ahead on food preparation.

Healthy eating really has been a game changer. I am much more clear-headed today than I was six months ago, and I credit nutrition as a huge reason why.

I don’t really follow Paleo or anything like that.

Coach Evan has introduced me more into a “If It Fits Your Macros” style of eating. He really hammered in the thought that I had to eat protein with every meal.

I’ve also drastically reduced my sugar and alcohol consumption, although I’ll still indulge from time to time. Going back to “If It Fits Your Macros,” if I know I’m going to be eating dessert or having some drinks, I’ll plan for it and reduce my calories and carbs beforehand. Again though, I’m doing this less and less. I actually prefer healthier foods now, to be honest.

STEVE: That’s great to hear you say that. We here at Nerd Fitness continuously remind everyone that 80-90% of the weight loss comes down to nutrition. Not only that, but REAL food just makes you feel better. Which will give you more energy to workout. I’m glad that Evan has helped you see a plate of food differently.

What are you still working on? What new habits are you trying to develop?

JENNIFER: I am still establishing a fixed routine for sleeping and waking up, which is definitely something that has been a struggle to do. I have seen improvements though.

I’ve created a pretty solid breakfast routine, prioritizing protein. Oftentimes it’ll be cottage cheese, which I never realized I’d like!

I also have a glass of water upon waking up, which has been a good change.  

Earlier I mentioned I started doing yoga. I’m experimenting with doing it first thing in the morning.

My biggest challenge for creating a successful morning routine is going to bed on time. I would say this is still a work in progress. One habit at a time.

STEVE: Getting to bed on time can be such a critical step. I’ve struggled with being a “morning person” myself, but it really is worth pursuing the routine. Keep at it, Jennifer!

Do you have any words of advice for somebody who hasn’t invested in any program and can’t seem to make any progress?

JENNIFER: Don’t fall into the perfectionistic trap that I did and feel like you have to do ALL the things at once or you are a total failure. No human can dive into deep water before learning to swim.

Trying to do that is like taking a starter character in World of Warcraft and heading straight to a high-level dungeon: you’ll get trampled.

If you cannot commit to a program or feel overwhelmed that’s completely okay. Start small. Pick a small change and stick to that and build onto that routine once you’ve gotten comfortable. This way you slowly mold yourself into the person you want to be.  

I loved RPGs and grew up during the NES and SNES era and building good habits and getting healthy feels exactly like those games in a way. You don’t start at level 99,999 doing max damage to everything. You level up from the beginning and gain spells and abilities along the way and your character slowly evolves into the one you want it to be.

I think the Nerd Fitness “Level Up Your Life” motto is incredibly accurate.

Great change is made by accomplishing many smaller changes. And you’re so much less likely to become discouraged and just rage-quit if you go about change this way.

STEVE: That’s amazing Jennifer. You nailed the whole philosophy on “Level Up Your Life.” Start small, and before you know it you’re a top-level mage slaying dragons with ice spells. Or in your case, climbing up mountains.

Alright, one last question: you’ve already used some of our language, but what makes you a nerd?

JENNIFER: I consider myself a multi-dimensional nerd! If that’s not a phrase I am deeming it thus. I’ve loved video games since I was very small. Loved all the NES and Mario games, as well as the Zelda series and RPGs like Chrono Trigger and the Final Fantasy series.

I’ve played World of Warcraft with an awesome guild of all women for over 10 years.

Shout out to Daughters of the Alliance!

Comics are also a love. My absolute favorite is Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, and pretty much anything else he or David Mack have been involved in. I pretty much love all things nerdy.

STEVE: I do love me some Neil Gaiman too – I actually have Vol 1 of Sandman sitting on my coffee table! Thank you for taking the time to speak with me, Jennifer! All the best!

THE SIX KEYS TO JENNIFER’S WEIGHT LOSS AND LEVEL UP SUCCESS!

In speaking with Jennifer, I realized she had a few great traits which helped her succeed.

Lots of people embark on a fitness journey. Unfortunately, many of them are exactly where they started six months later.

Jennifer is different. In half a year, she’s changed her relationship with food, begun strength training, and has taken an epic trip.

After a rough patch, she used hitting rock bottom to turn her life around.

In speaking with her, and analyzing her choices and decisions, I think there are six traits that set Jennifer apart.

Here’s what we can learn from Jennifer’s success:

#1) JENNIFER STOPPED RELYING ON WILLPOWER

I love Jennifer’s “spoon” analogy. She knew she only had so much energy, only so much willpower, to get things done. So she sought a system that would require the least amount from her:

Instead of buying a gym membership she would never use, she started working out from her home.

Jennifer started with simple bodyweight exercises, a solid strategy to build momentum

Once she got a little more comfortable from working out at home, she starting using dumbbells and a bench press that she had access to. Again, all from home.

Working out and going to the gym are not tied together. If you have limited experience and/or motivation, start by doing simple bodyweight exercises at home. This is what Jennifer did!

Second, know that working out gives you more energy. Which can help give you more willpower. Which can help you embark on other habits like cooking or meal prep.

If you want to head to a gym for exercise, great! I do. However, if you have a hard time motivating yourself to leave the house, it doesn’t have to be the only option.

Starting small requires less willpower, which can help make your actions more likely to become routine.

#2) JENNIFER INVESTED IN HERSELF AND ASKED FOR HELP

Continuing on the theme of limited willpower, Jennifer knew she needed to do things differently. She saw herself with destructive habits that needed to be changed.

Doing it alone seemed impossible. It was hard enough for Jennifer to get out of bed and face the day. She knew that creating a plan and then sticking with it would require a lot of energy. Energy and willpower she was already having trouble coming up with.

So she asked for help. Jennifer wanted “Someone in MY corner to help cheer me on and guide me into a better way of living.” I’m proud that she reached out to us for that someone, and that she made a connection with her NF Coach, Evan.

It’s okay to ask for help! Knowing what to do, how to do it, and how to tell if it’s working requires a lot of energy. Some can do it alone. But many can’t. Asking for help, and then being willing to invest in that help can be a life-changing decision. Jennifer knew this and was willing to take the step to hire someone to create a plan and help her execute it.

I’ve had an online coach myself for 4 years and it has changed my life.

#3) JENNIFER HAD DRAGONS TO SLAY

I love that Jennifer planned a photography workshop in Scotland that required some physical strength and endurance. Hiking up a mountain with camera equipment isn’t easy, and Jennifer knew she’d have to train if she was going to make it.

So she asked for help, developed a plan on how to do it, and followed the plan. And boom! She was able to hike up her equipment for her class.

Having a goal gave Jennifer her “Big Why.”

When Jennifer started logging her food, it gave her anxiety. When she first started working out, she would be exhausted. When her walking buddies bailed on her, she went anyway.

Jennifer did these things because she knew they were part of a plan to get her up the Old Man of Storr in Scotland. Without doing the work, she would never get to the top. She would have to be part of the group that stuck to the sidelines.

Having a goal can provide the “Big Why.” When things get tough (and they will get tough), knowing “why” you are working hard can make all the difference.

Perhaps you want to go skiing with your kids and don’t want to be exhausted halfway through. Maybe there’s a marathon your friends are doing, and you want to go with them. Perhaps it’s practicing pull-ups so you can go tag along with your spouse who loves rock climbing.

Having a “Big Why” can be the key to making or breaking a fitness journey. And what happens after you slay a dragon? You go find a bigger dragon!

4#) JENNIFER STARTED HER JOURNEY WITH SMALL STEPS

Jennifer began with two small habits that most people can start today:

Jennifer started logging her food.

Jennifer started taking a daily walk.

We often advise people to pick a small habit they can imagine sticking with permanently. Once this becomes part of a normal routine, they can think about picking another.

This can be better than planning on “Going full Paleo, start rock climbing, and beginning a ballroom dancing practice.” If you don’t do any of these things currently, it could be very tough to start doing them all at once.

And we all know temporary changes produce temporary results. We want results that last!

That’s why Coach Evan had Jennifer start with small changes she could actually sustain.

For nutrition changes, Evan just had Jennifer track her food.

No judgment. No “eat this, not that.”

Just a log of everything she was consuming. Once Jennifer got comfortable doing this, and only once Jennifer became comfortable doing this, did Evan start to make recommendations for adjustments.

Jennifer also started small with exercises: just a walk.

Walking is a great start for a fitness journey (it’s also a great way to get to Mordor). It’ll get your heart rate up and your muscles moving, and it’s something you can do around your neighborhood. Even just a five-minute walk is a great start. Once you get in the habit of that, you can make take it to 10 minutes or even a full mile. If you start this way, eventually you can be like Jennifer and crush miles each and every day.

After you get in the habit of walking, you can switch to picking up some weights every other day. The habit of walking is easy to adapt to another exercise practice, like strength training.

“Instead of my 2pm walk, it’s now my 2pm bench press time.”

Be like Jennifer and start small. Once the habit is built, you can work to grow it from there.

5#) JENNIFER PLANNED ON WHAT TO DO WHEN SHE FELL DOWN

It brought a smile to my face when I heard Jennifer say “never two in a row.”

It’s a great frame of mind to keep.

Things will come up. You will miss a workout. You will have some beers and eat pizza. You will sleep in and miss your walking groups AM meeting. Your kid will get sick.

When you miss these things consistently, you start creating bad habits. And what you do most of the time is how you create a healthy life.

Missing one workout is okay. Missing two is bad because then it’s really easy to miss three.

Eating pizza is fine. But “once and a while” can quickly become an “everyday” thing. Continue this for too long and then you’re just living off pizza!

“Never two in a row” provides a framework for making sure bad habits don’t develop:

“If I miss today’s workout, there is no way I’m missing tomorrow’s.”

“If I eat pizza tonight, it’s eggs and a little bit of fruit in the morning.”

Create a mindset of stopping these things before they get out of hand. Be like Jennifer and create a plan on what to do when you inevitable stray from the path.

6#) JENNIFER IS HAVING FUN ALONG THE WAY

Jennifer considers herself a work in progress. When you think about it, we’re all works in progress!  She knows this. But she is having fun now, which makes the days ahead seem sustainable.

We are not on a month-long journey. We are in this for the rest of our lives. To make sure we stick with it, we need to have fun! And as I say in this video: we stop thinking in terms of “weeks and months,” and instead start thinking in terms of “days and years”

Jennifer legitimately loves strength training. You can tell she’s looking forward to one day doing pull-ups.

Jennifer likes eating nutritious food and loves how much energy she derives from those meals.

My favorite part: she views where she’s at as an experiment. She highlights this when she talks about her morning routine and yoga. She’s still not sure how to get the AM just right and thinks a little yoga in the morning might help. She’ll try it to see if it works. If it doesn’t, she’ll try something else.

IN SIX MONTHS, CAN YOU TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND LIKE JENNIFER?

All of us will hit tough spots in life.

Maybe it’s losing a job. Perhaps it’s a sick family member. Or a child that’s struggling in school.

For Jennifer, it was a nasty divorce. At first, she coped in the ways many of us cope: food and alcohol.

Jennifer decided this couldn’t continue. So she sought help. And in six months time, Jennifer has leveled up her life. She can pursue her passion for photography and not be afraid of the literal mountain ahead. She knows the shot at the top of the climb, is not only worth it, but doable.

Where will you be six months from now?

It’s enough time to build some great healthy habits as Jennifer did. However, it’s also a short enough time which can fly by if you’re not looking.

If you’re standing in the same place you were six months ago, think about what you can learn from Jennifer:

Don’t rely on willpower, build systems. Take the path of least resistance. Instead of starting with an hour-long workout program at the gym, start with exercises you can do at home.

Ask for help. You are not the first person who has tried to get fit. It’s okay to reach out to those who’ve had success, or those who have helped others. You don’t have to do this alone.

Have a goal. A “Big Why” can be critical when things get tough. When everyone is ordering pizza, or the gym seems so far away, having a goal can help you remember why you are putting in all the work.

Start small. Don’t try and change every aspect of your life tomorrow. Some can handle this approach, but most can’t. Adopt one habit you can see yourself sticking with and grow it from there.

Plan for failure. Things will come up. Having a motto like “never two in a row” can help prevent one instance of a slip up into turning into a reoccurring habit.

Have fun. Getting fit is not a 30-day experiment. It really is about a lifestyle. Pick and choose things you have fun doing. This will help ensure your new habits are sustainable.

If you relate to Jennifer and find yourself in a tough spot, we can help you turn it around.

Depending on your current situation, our 1-on-1 NF Coaching Program might be just what you need. We help people everyday complete life overhauls.

If you’re trying to get in shape, searching for a new way of eating, or want help developing a strength training practice, we know exactly how to get you there. You can learn more by clicking on the big box below and scheduling a free call with our team!

The next six months will come and go no matter what you do today.

I’d love it if half a year from now, you tell me Jennifer’s story was something you related to. Which inspired you to make some changes.

You started walking every day. You began a food journal. You finally decided to ask for help.

As always, if you do need somewhere to go for help, you know Nerd Fitness will be here.

For the Rebellion!

-Steve

PS: I want to give a special shout out to Jennifer’s Coach Evan, who has been the Dumbledore to her Hermione over these past 6 months. And I’m proud of Jennifer’s success and can’t wait to see what she does next.

If you are somebody that wants to have your own Yoda guiding you in the ways of the Force, check out or 1-on-1 coaching program, and I could be sharing YOUR story six months from now!

PPS: Speaking of success stories…If you’ve had success with any aspect of Nerd Fitness, whether it’s our free workouts, Academy, or Coaching, email us! Send your story to contact(at)NerdFitness(dot)com and let us know so we can share your adventure with the galaxy!

PPPS: We are very grateful to Guinevere’s Mirror, who provided some epic shots of Jennifer for this article.

How Jennifer the Photographer Discovered a Love of Strength Training, Lost 20 Pounds, and Leveled up Her Life. published first on https://www.nerdfitness.com