#but when they got married HOO BOY FUCKING HOWDY-

[animalisticallytimorous]

Nah nah nah, you misheard me. XD

I don't like BRO COUNTRY. I swear, my teenage years were flooded with nothing but songs about beer, tractors, fucking the farmer's barely-legal daughter, & America by my dad & stepmom & made me forget what REAL country music is supposed to be like.

PLEASE. I went through a massive musical not-like-other-girls phase because I just couldn't STAND listening to that stuff anymore & was under the impression that everyone else in my little town listened to nothing but bro country.

If you wanna instantly set my teeth on edge, turn on bro country and laugh at my suffering.

you don’t like country/folk/americana? you don’t like the soulful lamenting and colorful storytelling of poor workers and immigrants of the past? banjo banjo🪕?

[parentingguide8-blog]

30 People Confess The Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did

New Post has been published on https://parentinguideto.com/must-see/30-people-confess-the-most-embarrassing-thing-their-parents-ever-did/

30 People Confess The Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did

Found on AskReddit.

1. Dad had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks.

We were having a sweet sixteen for a family friend which was a pool party and I was invited being the same age as the birthday girl, the adult had their section over by the grill (naturally) where the hot tub was well. My dad unfortunately had the task of lifeguard since he was the only one that was CPR certified for his job. When I look over, the other adults had gone in and he was alone tending the grill and keeping an eye on the 20 other teens (most of them girls) lounging and playing games in the pool. As we walks over to the other side to pick up trash or whatever one of the girls yells EWWW and points at my dad. He had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks. And I was known as the son of a pedophile. I changed schools and that was that.

2. My mom accused me of sucking dick because I had zits.

My mom just said earlier that when she was younger, shed get zits on certain parts of her face for reasonsand her brother knew. You’ve been sucking that dick, haven’t you?

3. My mother would dress me as a girl when I cried because only girls cry.

My mother would dress me as a girl when I would cry when I was around 3 years old because only girls cry.

4. Dads horseplay left me nude in front of my friends.

I believe I was in third grade when this happened. I had two of best friends to my house for a sleepover and we were doing something in the living room when it was time for dinner. My dad thought it would be funny to take me to the dining room by picking me up by my feet and carrying me upside down. The only problem was that I was wearing sweatpants and when he lifted me he was grabbing more pant than ankle. I was in the air for a few seconds before I fell out of my pants onto the floor bottomless and dazed. Out of the sweats and boxers and all. I immediately ran away, Porky Pig style to cry in private. My dad came and tried to apologize but couldn’t stop laughing. At the time it was the most embarrassed I’d ever been. In retrospecthilarious.

5. Dad danced naked and projectile-vomited at a Christmas party.

My parents would hold a Christmas cocktail party every year. One year, my parents hired my sister and my sister’s best friend, let’s call her Patty since that was her name, to act as circulating cocktail waitresses, bringing drinks and finger foods to all the guests. They probably had 20 or 25 guests.

Dad got hammered. Woo-hoo, boy-howdy D-R-U-N-K. like in the movies, lampshade on the head drunk. Mom angrily sends Dad upstairs for a while.

The master bedroom was directly over the living room. All of a sudden, the guests start hearing these…noises from right above their heads. In her annoyance, my mother sends 15yo Patty, my sister’s best friend, upstairs to check.

And she proceeds to find my father, naked as the day he was born, jumping on the bed like a hyperactive 4yo, his manhood flapping in the breeze.

“Mr. Smith, are you OK? Patty asks, shocked to her core.

“I’m ” Dad exclaims, and then goes all Regan-from- on her. Just projectile vomiting everywhere. Covered the bed, two walls, a full-length mirror…an oscillating lawn sprinkler of puke.

Patty didn’t get married until her early 40s. I am convinced this incident had an impact on that situation.

My mother and father had a passionate, tempestuous relationship. But in the 24 years they were married, I don’t think I ever saw her as angry as I saw her that night and….for like the next two months. It took some other husband in her Junior League circle of friends to get caught banging a babysitter or something for my mother to get over it. It was just….

6. They made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

Made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

7. Mom is a little too open about her yeast infections.

My mom was on the phone with her doctor because she had thrush or something in her mouth. The doc said it’s probably a yeast infection. She immediately says Oh how strange. I usually get them on the other end! What the fuck, mom?

8. Mom nodded out from drugs and began snoring during my choir recital.

My mother liked drugsshe was high-functioning during the day at the time of this story but in the evening she partied. I begged her not to go to my high school freshman year Winter Concert (choir, and I had a solo). Second row there she was, positioned right in front of me with the lights from the stage illuminating her face…as she nodded out, and began to snore. I want to crawl inside of myself.

9. Mom clogged a motel toilet and bragged to the maintenance man.

My mother and I were staying at a hotel when I was around 15, and she took one of her epic dumps and clogged the toilet, so she had to call the front desk and have them send a maintenance guy. Guy walks in, he’s around 25, beautiful (of course), and my mother jokingly says to him, So now you have to guess which one of us has the huge colon.

10. They found my condoms and then gave me sex tips.

Found my condoms when they helped me move out of my freshman dorm. Then gave me sex tips.

11. My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over.

My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over. We are 100% white and I grew up, mostly, in the country. The one that I always remember happening was about diarrhea. Looking back though my dad was spittin hit fire in the 90s. He needs to drop a mixtape.

12. Mom would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police.

After my Dad died in 1999, my Mom went a little nutty. She would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police. Do you know what it’s like to be at a sleepover and have the cops come down the driveway for you? My friend’s Dad was PISSED. And then I get home and she like Oh, I’m so glad you’re alive. The police got sick of her and I got a cellphone.

13. My parents made out with each other at a party to embarrass me.

At my fourteenth birthday party my mom was lying on the couch while my friends and I all ate pizza in the dining room. My back was to the living room so I was the only person who couldn’t see my mom. Suddenly my friends all started to giggle. I turned around to see my father slowly crawling on top of my mother to make out with her. I guess I should mention that my parents weren’t ever affectionate with one another and that this was done purposefully to embarrass me.

14. My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality.

My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality. I’m pretty sure he emits toxic fumes. Anyway, when I was a kid he refused to contain or excuse himself to privacy like a normal person. He perfected the skill of nonchalant farting. He swore if he acted normal, no one would know he had passed gas. The icing was that he told a select few family and friends about this habit, so he knew those people would fidget and get uncomfortable when they realized he had dropped a stealth bomb; their uneasiness would make other people think they were the offender and not him. Needless to say, it was very embarrassing, but my dad was calm enough about it thatyes, people would often carry on like they didn’t smell it. This went on for years. My mom got sick when I was pretty young. She had early onset Alzheimer’s which for her meant she had no filter for many years prior to her diagnosis. So she started calling my dad out whenever he did it. Loudly. It was horriblehorrible to be the child of the man who is constantly farting around other people and the woman who shouted at him to shame him for doing it. In hindsight it’s kind of funny.

15. Dad ran away screaming from a mall interviewer.

Was with my dad at the mall, and you know the people who approach you to answer the surveys?? Well, this lady picked the wrong person, AKA my dad.

Sir, do you have time to answer some questions?

(Screams at the top of his lungs, puts up his hood and screams NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOO, while running away)

Leaving me there like.

16. There mom was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage.

Some backstory to add to how embarrassed I felt. My mother’s family was working class, many of which were trashy. My mother was clearly one of the trashy ones. My fathers family were immigrants, but all became wealthy somewhat early on and were a bit more refined. Anyway, not that important, but basically there was just this perceived dynamic that my mom was trashy and me and my brothers were always self-conscious about that.

So fast-forward a few years, my parents split up. In a few years my mom gets pregnant. Which you know was to he expected honestly. But then because she is aware of how my father’s family (who were grew up with more, and were still very close with) viewed her. So she knew this was just going to be icing on the cake for them. She basically decided to deny the pregnancy. No problem, right? If she wants to buy herself a month or two, go ahead.

Well, my genius mom decided she was going to deny the pregnancy the whole way through. How would she handle the birth of the twins she was carrying? She had no clue, till this day we have no idea what she thought she was going to do.

But basically she forced us to play along and waited until she was 5 months pregnant, and huuuuge to finally admit (basically my dad just said to her we all know and have known for a month at least) it.

But yea there she was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage. Speaking about it now, it’s the funniest thing I have ever heard ofbut at the time I felt immense shame.

17. My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

My parents, who were quite conservative, took 12-year-old me to see a production of My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

18. In front of my football team, Mom yelled, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back.

When I was 13 years old my mother dropped me off for football practice and when I was getting out of the car she said love you. wanting to look cool in front of my friends I didnt say it back, she said it again and I had joined my friends and closed the door. So of course the only logical thing to do was roll down the window and yell at the top of her lungs, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back. What a nightmare.

19. My dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python.

Not really a specific time, but when my friends come over (or any time really), my dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python. After a while of this, he will pick up his over 80-year-old saxophone and proceed to blast everyone’s eardrums with his improv jazz. Embarrassed me as a kid, but now I have the most chill dad out of my friends.

20. Mom put the ‘sag’ on in front of our whole school.

7th grade story. My mom hated the whole sagging-your-pants fad and threatened to sag her pants in front of my whole school if i continued to do it. Fast-forward to a nice and busy morning in the parking lot in front of the school where students were dropped off. I get out of the car, pants sagging along. She screams out the window to pull up my pants. I pretend like I dont hear her. She honks 5+ times to have everyones attention and proceeds to get out with her sweat pants down below her ass cheeks, granny panties flopping in the wind walking like a duck all while yelling mijo look! Needless to say I never sagged my pants again.

21. My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants.

My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants. The last time we ate she ordered fish and chips, she told the waiter it looks like it’s from McDonald’s. It makes me cringe inside forever.

22. My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication.

My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication. Like full-on screaming while I sat silently in horror while my classmates laughed. She interrupted an entire class to do this. To paint a better picture, my mom is like Lois from

23. My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it.

My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it. He also put rap music on his car and sang along with the windows open through the town

24. Dad was a snoring/farting machine.

My dad had a form of narcolepsy; he slept everywhere he went, people would stare at him all the time. The embarrassing part of this is, when he was asleep, he would let huge farts rip with no shame sometimes. I do miss him, though, even though he was a snoring/farting machine. To be more descriptive, imagine sitting in a crowded doctors waiting room or some other such public places. Your father is sitting next to you, sawing logs as loud as he can, all of a sudden he leans over and lets one rip. Simultaneously he lets out a loud AWWWWWWWWWWW to trumpet his ass-jiggling flatulence. Then in the end none of this would wake him up.

25. On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period.

TMI incoming…On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period. My friend on the phone heard everything and i couldnt even bear to keep talking, so i just hung up.

26. Dad made his butt talk in front of my friends.

I was watching TV with some friends, and my dad came out of his room, stood in front of the TV with his back to us, pulled his shorts down to expose his butt, and grabbed his butt cheeks to make them talk and say I have bad breath.

27. My grandpa would insult other kids out loud during baseball games.

Not my parents, but at my brother’s baseball games my grandpa will sit in the bleachers and insult the other kids out loud, oftentimes to the parents of those children themselves. Examples include _____ is such a fuckin’ jerk or He’d be a good first baseman if he didn’t suck tits.

28. My father wore a “Huggies #1” hat because he knew it embarrassed his sons.

My father wore a Huggies #1 hat, like the diaper brand, that he found on the side of the road. He wore it whenever he went anywhere with me or my bros for a few years.

He did it solely because he knew it embarrassed his boys. He loved trolling us.

It’s now in his garage collecting dust, and I want it… but he won’t let me have it because it’s his favorite hat.

Oh, and he did wear it again recently when we went pier fishing on a visit. Still embarrassing, but I see the humor now, too.

29. Mom yells at retail workers.

Im always humiliated when my mom yells at retail workers…or waiters…she seems to have no concept of when a problem is actually someone’s fault or not. Like, the lady behind the cash register has no control over the irregular sizing of the Old Navy jeans.

30. My dad mowed the lawnWITH me.

My dad is a bit of a control freak, especially so about his lawn and garden. My father didn’t make me mow the lawn. I was not ALLOWED to. To be totally honest, by and large he didn’t like the idea of teaching me how to do any man stuff, he’d prefer to just do it and be done with it. I am a super-advanced flashlight holder and beer fetcher, though.

One summer he had reconstructive shoulder surgery. Dad, come on, you can’t be pushing the mower around with your arm in a sling. It isn’t rocket science. I am happy to do it for you.

He hemmed and hawed for awhile but finally conceded I would probably have to do it. He gave me the the super-complicated instructions of pull cord, push around in straight line before doing the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done to me.

He walked with me, his good hand on the mower, for the entire duration of mowing his front and back lawn.

I was like 26 at the time. TWENTY-SIX.

I was married and living on my own at the time. Also I am a dude.

Read more: http://thoughtcatalog.com/

[adambstingus]

30 People Confess The Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did

Found on AskReddit.

1. Dad had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks.

We were having a sweet sixteen for a family friend which was a pool party and I was invited being the same age as the birthday girl, the adult had their section over by the grill (naturally) where the hot tub was well. My dad unfortunately had the task of lifeguard since he was the only one that was CPR certified for his job. When I look over, the other adults had gone in and he was alone tending the grill and keeping an eye on the 20 other teens (most of them girls) lounging and playing games in the pool. As we walks over to the other side to pick up trash or whatever one of the girls yells EWWW and points at my dad. He had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks. And I was known as the son of a pedophile. I changed schools and that was that.

2. My mom accused me of sucking dick because I had zits.

My mom just said earlier that when she was younger, shed get zits on certain parts of her face for reasonsand her brother knew. You’ve been sucking that dick, haven’t you?

3. My mother would dress me as a girl when I cried because only girls cry.

My mother would dress me as a girl when I would cry when I was around 3 years old because only girls cry.

4. Dads horseplay left me nude in front of my friends.

I believe I was in third grade when this happened. I had two of best friends to my house for a sleepover and we were doing something in the living room when it was time for dinner. My dad thought it would be funny to take me to the dining room by picking me up by my feet and carrying me upside down. The only problem was that I was wearing sweatpants and when he lifted me he was grabbing more pant than ankle. I was in the air for a few seconds before I fell out of my pants onto the floor bottomless and dazed. Out of the sweats and boxers and all. I immediately ran away, Porky Pig style to cry in private. My dad came and tried to apologize but couldn’t stop laughing. At the time it was the most embarrassed I’d ever been. In retrospecthilarious.

5. Dad danced naked and projectile-vomited at a Christmas party.

My parents would hold a Christmas cocktail party every year. One year, my parents hired my sister and my sister’s best friend, let’s call her Patty since that was her name, to act as circulating cocktail waitresses, bringing drinks and finger foods to all the guests. They probably had 20 or 25 guests.

Dad got hammered. Woo-hoo, boy-howdy D-R-U-N-K. like in the movies, lampshade on the head drunk. Mom angrily sends Dad upstairs for a while.

The master bedroom was directly over the living room. All of a sudden, the guests start hearing these…noises from right above their heads. In her annoyance, my mother sends 15yo Patty, my sister’s best friend, upstairs to check.

And she proceeds to find my father, naked as the day he was born, jumping on the bed like a hyperactive 4yo, his manhood flapping in the breeze.

“Mr. Smith, are you OK? Patty asks, shocked to her core.

“I’m ” Dad exclaims, and then goes all Regan-from- on her. Just projectile vomiting everywhere. Covered the bed, two walls, a full-length mirror…an oscillating lawn sprinkler of puke.

Patty didn’t get married until her early 40s. I am convinced this incident had an impact on that situation.

My mother and father had a passionate, tempestuous relationship. But in the 24 years they were married, I don’t think I ever saw her as angry as I saw her that night and….for like the next two months. It took some other husband in her Junior League circle of friends to get caught banging a babysitter or something for my mother to get over it. It was just….

6. They made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

Made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

7. Mom is a little too open about her yeast infections.

My mom was on the phone with her doctor because she had thrush or something in her mouth. The doc said it’s probably a yeast infection. She immediately says Oh how strange. I usually get them on the other end! What the fuck, mom?

8. Mom nodded out from drugs and began snoring during my choir recital.

My mother liked drugsshe was high-functioning during the day at the time of this story but in the evening she partied. I begged her not to go to my high school freshman year Winter Concert (choir, and I had a solo). Second row there she was, positioned right in front of me with the lights from the stage illuminating her face…as she nodded out, and began to snore. I want to crawl inside of myself.

9. Mom clogged a motel toilet and bragged to the maintenance man.

My mother and I were staying at a hotel when I was around 15, and she took one of her epic dumps and clogged the toilet, so she had to call the front desk and have them send a maintenance guy. Guy walks in, he’s around 25, beautiful (of course), and my mother jokingly says to him, So now you have to guess which one of us has the huge colon.

10. They found my condoms and then gave me sex tips.

Found my condoms when they helped me move out of my freshman dorm. Then gave me sex tips.

11. My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over.

My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over. We are 100% white and I grew up, mostly, in the country. The one that I always remember happening was about diarrhea. Looking back though my dad was spittin hit fire in the 90s. He needs to drop a mixtape.

12. Mom would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police.

After my Dad died in 1999, my Mom went a little nutty. She would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police. Do you know what it’s like to be at a sleepover and have the cops come down the driveway for you? My friend’s Dad was PISSED. And then I get home and she like Oh, I’m so glad you’re alive. The police got sick of her and I got a cellphone.

13. My parents made out with each other at a party to embarrass me.

At my fourteenth birthday party my mom was lying on the couch while my friends and I all ate pizza in the dining room. My back was to the living room so I was the only person who couldn’t see my mom. Suddenly my friends all started to giggle. I turned around to see my father slowly crawling on top of my mother to make out with her. I guess I should mention that my parents weren’t ever affectionate with one another and that this was done purposefully to embarrass me.

14. My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality.

My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality. I’m pretty sure he emits toxic fumes. Anyway, when I was a kid he refused to contain or excuse himself to privacy like a normal person. He perfected the skill of nonchalant farting. He swore if he acted normal, no one would know he had passed gas. The icing was that he told a select few family and friends about this habit, so he knew those people would fidget and get uncomfortable when they realized he had dropped a stealth bomb; their uneasiness would make other people think they were the offender and not him. Needless to say, it was very embarrassing, but my dad was calm enough about it thatyes, people would often carry on like they didn’t smell it. This went on for years. My mom got sick when I was pretty young. She had early onset Alzheimer’s which for her meant she had no filter for many years prior to her diagnosis. So she started calling my dad out whenever he did it. Loudly. It was horriblehorrible to be the child of the man who is constantly farting around other people and the woman who shouted at him to shame him for doing it. In hindsight it’s kind of funny.

15. Dad ran away screaming from a mall interviewer.

Was with my dad at the mall, and you know the people who approach you to answer the surveys?? Well, this lady picked the wrong person, AKA my dad.

Sir, do you have time to answer some questions?

(Screams at the top of his lungs, puts up his hood and screams NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOO, while running away)

Leaving me there like.

16. There mom was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage.

Some backstory to add to how embarrassed I felt. My mother’s family was working class, many of which were trashy. My mother was clearly one of the trashy ones. My fathers family were immigrants, but all became wealthy somewhat early on and were a bit more refined. Anyway, not that important, but basically there was just this perceived dynamic that my mom was trashy and me and my brothers were always self-conscious about that.

So fast-forward a few years, my parents split up. In a few years my mom gets pregnant. Which you know was to he expected honestly. But then because she is aware of how my father’s family (who were grew up with more, and were still very close with) viewed her. So she knew this was just going to be icing on the cake for them. She basically decided to deny the pregnancy. No problem, right? If she wants to buy herself a month or two, go ahead.

Well, my genius mom decided she was going to deny the pregnancy the whole way through. How would she handle the birth of the twins she was carrying? She had no clue, till this day we have no idea what she thought she was going to do.

But basically she forced us to play along and waited until she was 5 months pregnant, and huuuuge to finally admit (basically my dad just said to her we all know and have known for a month at least) it.

But yea there she was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage. Speaking about it now, it’s the funniest thing I have ever heard ofbut at the time I felt immense shame.

17. My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

My parents, who were quite conservative, took 12-year-old me to see a production of My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

18. In front of my football team, Mom yelled, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back.

When I was 13 years old my mother dropped me off for football practice and when I was getting out of the car she said love you. wanting to look cool in front of my friends I didnt say it back, she said it again and I had joined my friends and closed the door. So of course the only logical thing to do was roll down the window and yell at the top of her lungs, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back. What a nightmare.

19. My dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python.

Not really a specific time, but when my friends come over (or any time really), my dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python. After a while of this, he will pick up his over 80-year-old saxophone and proceed to blast everyone’s eardrums with his improv jazz. Embarrassed me as a kid, but now I have the most chill dad out of my friends.

20. Mom put the ‘sag’ on in front of our whole school.

7th grade story. My mom hated the whole sagging-your-pants fad and threatened to sag her pants in front of my whole school if i continued to do it. Fast-forward to a nice and busy morning in the parking lot in front of the school where students were dropped off. I get out of the car, pants sagging along. She screams out the window to pull up my pants. I pretend like I dont hear her. She honks 5+ times to have everyones attention and proceeds to get out with her sweat pants down below her ass cheeks, granny panties flopping in the wind walking like a duck all while yelling mijo look! Needless to say I never sagged my pants again.

21. My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants.

My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants. The last time we ate she ordered fish and chips, she told the waiter it looks like it’s from McDonald’s. It makes me cringe inside forever.

22. My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication.

My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication. Like full-on screaming while I sat silently in horror while my classmates laughed. She interrupted an entire class to do this. To paint a better picture, my mom is like Lois from

23. My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it.

My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it. He also put rap music on his car and sang along with the windows open through the town

24. Dad was a snoring/farting machine.

My dad had a form of narcolepsy; he slept everywhere he went, people would stare at him all the time. The embarrassing part of this is, when he was asleep, he would let huge farts rip with no shame sometimes. I do miss him, though, even though he was a snoring/farting machine. To be more descriptive, imagine sitting in a crowded doctors waiting room or some other such public places. Your father is sitting next to you, sawing logs as loud as he can, all of a sudden he leans over and lets one rip. Simultaneously he lets out a loud AWWWWWWWWWWW to trumpet his ass-jiggling flatulence. Then in the end none of this would wake him up.

25. On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period.

TMI incoming…On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period. My friend on the phone heard everything and i couldnt even bear to keep talking, so i just hung up.

26. Dad made his butt talk in front of my friends.

I was watching TV with some friends, and my dad came out of his room, stood in front of the TV with his back to us, pulled his shorts down to expose his butt, and grabbed his butt cheeks to make them talk and say I have bad breath.

27. My grandpa would insult other kids out loud during baseball games.

Not my parents, but at my brother’s baseball games my grandpa will sit in the bleachers and insult the other kids out loud, oftentimes to the parents of those children themselves. Examples include _____ is such a fuckin’ jerk or He’d be a good first baseman if he didn’t suck tits.

28. My father wore a “Huggies #1” hat because he knew it embarrassed his sons.

My father wore a Huggies #1 hat, like the diaper brand, that he found on the side of the road. He wore it whenever he went anywhere with me or my bros for a few years.

He did it solely because he knew it embarrassed his boys. He loved trolling us.

It’s now in his garage collecting dust, and I want it… but he won’t let me have it because it’s his favorite hat.

Oh, and he did wear it again recently when we went pier fishing on a visit. Still embarrassing, but I see the humor now, too.

29. Mom yells at retail workers.

Im always humiliated when my mom yells at retail workers…or waiters…she seems to have no concept of when a problem is actually someone’s fault or not. Like, the lady behind the cash register has no control over the irregular sizing of the Old Navy jeans.

30. My dad mowed the lawnWITH me.

My dad is a bit of a control freak, especially so about his lawn and garden. My father didn’t make me mow the lawn. I was not ALLOWED to. To be totally honest, by and large he didn’t like the idea of teaching me how to do any man stuff, he’d prefer to just do it and be done with it. I am a super-advanced flashlight holder and beer fetcher, though.

One summer he had reconstructive shoulder surgery. Dad, come on, you can’t be pushing the mower around with your arm in a sling. It isn’t rocket science. I am happy to do it for you.

He hemmed and hawed for awhile but finally conceded I would probably have to do it. He gave me the the super-complicated instructions of pull cord, push around in straight line before doing the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done to me.

He walked with me, his good hand on the mower, for the entire duration of mowing his front and back lawn.

I was like 26 at the time. TWENTY-SIX.

I was married and living on my own at the time. Also I am a dude.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/26/30-people-confess-the-most-embarrassing-thing-their-parents-ever-did/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/164620778542

[samanthasroberts]

30 People Confess The Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did

Found on AskReddit.

1. Dad had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks.

We were having a sweet sixteen for a family friend which was a pool party and I was invited being the same age as the birthday girl, the adult had their section over by the grill (naturally) where the hot tub was well. My dad unfortunately had the task of lifeguard since he was the only one that was CPR certified for his job. When I look over, the other adults had gone in and he was alone tending the grill and keeping an eye on the 20 other teens (most of them girls) lounging and playing games in the pool. As we walks over to the other side to pick up trash or whatever one of the girls yells EWWW and points at my dad. He had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks. And I was known as the son of a pedophile. I changed schools and that was that.

2. My mom accused me of sucking dick because I had zits.

My mom just said earlier that when she was younger, shed get zits on certain parts of her face for reasonsand her brother knew. You’ve been sucking that dick, haven’t you?

3. My mother would dress me as a girl when I cried because only girls cry.

My mother would dress me as a girl when I would cry when I was around 3 years old because only girls cry.

4. Dads horseplay left me nude in front of my friends.

I believe I was in third grade when this happened. I had two of best friends to my house for a sleepover and we were doing something in the living room when it was time for dinner. My dad thought it would be funny to take me to the dining room by picking me up by my feet and carrying me upside down. The only problem was that I was wearing sweatpants and when he lifted me he was grabbing more pant than ankle. I was in the air for a few seconds before I fell out of my pants onto the floor bottomless and dazed. Out of the sweats and boxers and all. I immediately ran away, Porky Pig style to cry in private. My dad came and tried to apologize but couldn’t stop laughing. At the time it was the most embarrassed I’d ever been. In retrospecthilarious.

5. Dad danced naked and projectile-vomited at a Christmas party.

My parents would hold a Christmas cocktail party every year. One year, my parents hired my sister and my sister’s best friend, let’s call her Patty since that was her name, to act as circulating cocktail waitresses, bringing drinks and finger foods to all the guests. They probably had 20 or 25 guests.

Dad got hammered. Woo-hoo, boy-howdy D-R-U-N-K. like in the movies, lampshade on the head drunk. Mom angrily sends Dad upstairs for a while.

The master bedroom was directly over the living room. All of a sudden, the guests start hearing these…noises from right above their heads. In her annoyance, my mother sends 15yo Patty, my sister’s best friend, upstairs to check.

And she proceeds to find my father, naked as the day he was born, jumping on the bed like a hyperactive 4yo, his manhood flapping in the breeze.

“Mr. Smith, are you OK? Patty asks, shocked to her core.

“I’m ” Dad exclaims, and then goes all Regan-from- on her. Just projectile vomiting everywhere. Covered the bed, two walls, a full-length mirror…an oscillating lawn sprinkler of puke.

Patty didn’t get married until her early 40s. I am convinced this incident had an impact on that situation.

My mother and father had a passionate, tempestuous relationship. But in the 24 years they were married, I don’t think I ever saw her as angry as I saw her that night and….for like the next two months. It took some other husband in her Junior League circle of friends to get caught banging a babysitter or something for my mother to get over it. It was just….

6. They made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

Made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

7. Mom is a little too open about her yeast infections.

My mom was on the phone with her doctor because she had thrush or something in her mouth. The doc said it’s probably a yeast infection. She immediately says Oh how strange. I usually get them on the other end! What the fuck, mom?

8. Mom nodded out from drugs and began snoring during my choir recital.

My mother liked drugsshe was high-functioning during the day at the time of this story but in the evening she partied. I begged her not to go to my high school freshman year Winter Concert (choir, and I had a solo). Second row there she was, positioned right in front of me with the lights from the stage illuminating her face…as she nodded out, and began to snore. I want to crawl inside of myself.

9. Mom clogged a motel toilet and bragged to the maintenance man.

My mother and I were staying at a hotel when I was around 15, and she took one of her epic dumps and clogged the toilet, so she had to call the front desk and have them send a maintenance guy. Guy walks in, he’s around 25, beautiful (of course), and my mother jokingly says to him, So now you have to guess which one of us has the huge colon.

10. They found my condoms and then gave me sex tips.

Found my condoms when they helped me move out of my freshman dorm. Then gave me sex tips.

11. My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over.

My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over. We are 100% white and I grew up, mostly, in the country. The one that I always remember happening was about diarrhea. Looking back though my dad was spittin hit fire in the 90s. He needs to drop a mixtape.

12. Mom would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police.

After my Dad died in 1999, my Mom went a little nutty. She would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police. Do you know what it’s like to be at a sleepover and have the cops come down the driveway for you? My friend’s Dad was PISSED. And then I get home and she like Oh, I’m so glad you’re alive. The police got sick of her and I got a cellphone.

13. My parents made out with each other at a party to embarrass me.

At my fourteenth birthday party my mom was lying on the couch while my friends and I all ate pizza in the dining room. My back was to the living room so I was the only person who couldn’t see my mom. Suddenly my friends all started to giggle. I turned around to see my father slowly crawling on top of my mother to make out with her. I guess I should mention that my parents weren’t ever affectionate with one another and that this was done purposefully to embarrass me.

14. My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality.

My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality. I’m pretty sure he emits toxic fumes. Anyway, when I was a kid he refused to contain or excuse himself to privacy like a normal person. He perfected the skill of nonchalant farting. He swore if he acted normal, no one would know he had passed gas. The icing was that he told a select few family and friends about this habit, so he knew those people would fidget and get uncomfortable when they realized he had dropped a stealth bomb; their uneasiness would make other people think they were the offender and not him. Needless to say, it was very embarrassing, but my dad was calm enough about it thatyes, people would often carry on like they didn’t smell it. This went on for years. My mom got sick when I was pretty young. She had early onset Alzheimer’s which for her meant she had no filter for many years prior to her diagnosis. So she started calling my dad out whenever he did it. Loudly. It was horriblehorrible to be the child of the man who is constantly farting around other people and the woman who shouted at him to shame him for doing it. In hindsight it’s kind of funny.

15. Dad ran away screaming from a mall interviewer.

Was with my dad at the mall, and you know the people who approach you to answer the surveys?? Well, this lady picked the wrong person, AKA my dad.

Sir, do you have time to answer some questions?

(Screams at the top of his lungs, puts up his hood and screams NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOO, while running away)

Leaving me there like.

16. There mom was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage.

Some backstory to add to how embarrassed I felt. My mother’s family was working class, many of which were trashy. My mother was clearly one of the trashy ones. My fathers family were immigrants, but all became wealthy somewhat early on and were a bit more refined. Anyway, not that important, but basically there was just this perceived dynamic that my mom was trashy and me and my brothers were always self-conscious about that.

So fast-forward a few years, my parents split up. In a few years my mom gets pregnant. Which you know was to he expected honestly. But then because she is aware of how my father’s family (who were grew up with more, and were still very close with) viewed her. So she knew this was just going to be icing on the cake for them. She basically decided to deny the pregnancy. No problem, right? If she wants to buy herself a month or two, go ahead.

Well, my genius mom decided she was going to deny the pregnancy the whole way through. How would she handle the birth of the twins she was carrying? She had no clue, till this day we have no idea what she thought she was going to do.

But basically she forced us to play along and waited until she was 5 months pregnant, and huuuuge to finally admit (basically my dad just said to her we all know and have known for a month at least) it.

But yea there she was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage. Speaking about it now, it’s the funniest thing I have ever heard ofbut at the time I felt immense shame.

17. My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

My parents, who were quite conservative, took 12-year-old me to see a production of My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

18. In front of my football team, Mom yelled, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back.

When I was 13 years old my mother dropped me off for football practice and when I was getting out of the car she said love you. wanting to look cool in front of my friends I didnt say it back, she said it again and I had joined my friends and closed the door. So of course the only logical thing to do was roll down the window and yell at the top of her lungs, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back. What a nightmare.

19. My dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python.

Not really a specific time, but when my friends come over (or any time really), my dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python. After a while of this, he will pick up his over 80-year-old saxophone and proceed to blast everyone’s eardrums with his improv jazz. Embarrassed me as a kid, but now I have the most chill dad out of my friends.

20. Mom put the ‘sag’ on in front of our whole school.

7th grade story. My mom hated the whole sagging-your-pants fad and threatened to sag her pants in front of my whole school if i continued to do it. Fast-forward to a nice and busy morning in the parking lot in front of the school where students were dropped off. I get out of the car, pants sagging along. She screams out the window to pull up my pants. I pretend like I dont hear her. She honks 5+ times to have everyones attention and proceeds to get out with her sweat pants down below her ass cheeks, granny panties flopping in the wind walking like a duck all while yelling mijo look! Needless to say I never sagged my pants again.

21. My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants.

My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants. The last time we ate she ordered fish and chips, she told the waiter it looks like it’s from McDonald’s. It makes me cringe inside forever.

22. My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication.

My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication. Like full-on screaming while I sat silently in horror while my classmates laughed. She interrupted an entire class to do this. To paint a better picture, my mom is like Lois from

23. My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it.

My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it. He also put rap music on his car and sang along with the windows open through the town

24. Dad was a snoring/farting machine.

My dad had a form of narcolepsy; he slept everywhere he went, people would stare at him all the time. The embarrassing part of this is, when he was asleep, he would let huge farts rip with no shame sometimes. I do miss him, though, even though he was a snoring/farting machine. To be more descriptive, imagine sitting in a crowded doctors waiting room or some other such public places. Your father is sitting next to you, sawing logs as loud as he can, all of a sudden he leans over and lets one rip. Simultaneously he lets out a loud AWWWWWWWWWWW to trumpet his ass-jiggling flatulence. Then in the end none of this would wake him up.

25. On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period.

TMI incoming…On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period. My friend on the phone heard everything and i couldnt even bear to keep talking, so i just hung up.

26. Dad made his butt talk in front of my friends.

I was watching TV with some friends, and my dad came out of his room, stood in front of the TV with his back to us, pulled his shorts down to expose his butt, and grabbed his butt cheeks to make them talk and say I have bad breath.

27. My grandpa would insult other kids out loud during baseball games.

Not my parents, but at my brother’s baseball games my grandpa will sit in the bleachers and insult the other kids out loud, oftentimes to the parents of those children themselves. Examples include _____ is such a fuckin’ jerk or He’d be a good first baseman if he didn’t suck tits.

28. My father wore a “Huggies #1” hat because he knew it embarrassed his sons.

My father wore a Huggies #1 hat, like the diaper brand, that he found on the side of the road. He wore it whenever he went anywhere with me or my bros for a few years.

He did it solely because he knew it embarrassed his boys. He loved trolling us.

It’s now in his garage collecting dust, and I want it… but he won’t let me have it because it’s his favorite hat.

Oh, and he did wear it again recently when we went pier fishing on a visit. Still embarrassing, but I see the humor now, too.

29. Mom yells at retail workers.

Im always humiliated when my mom yells at retail workers…or waiters…she seems to have no concept of when a problem is actually someone’s fault or not. Like, the lady behind the cash register has no control over the irregular sizing of the Old Navy jeans.

30. My dad mowed the lawnWITH me.

My dad is a bit of a control freak, especially so about his lawn and garden. My father didn’t make me mow the lawn. I was not ALLOWED to. To be totally honest, by and large he didn’t like the idea of teaching me how to do any man stuff, he’d prefer to just do it and be done with it. I am a super-advanced flashlight holder and beer fetcher, though.

One summer he had reconstructive shoulder surgery. Dad, come on, you can’t be pushing the mower around with your arm in a sling. It isn’t rocket science. I am happy to do it for you.

He hemmed and hawed for awhile but finally conceded I would probably have to do it. He gave me the the super-complicated instructions of pull cord, push around in straight line before doing the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done to me.

He walked with me, his good hand on the mower, for the entire duration of mowing his front and back lawn.

I was like 26 at the time. TWENTY-SIX.

I was married and living on my own at the time. Also I am a dude.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/26/30-people-confess-the-most-embarrassing-thing-their-parents-ever-did/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/08/26/30-people-confess-the-most-embarrassing-thing-their-parents-ever-did/

[allofbeercom]

30 People Confess The Most Embarrassing Thing Their Parents Ever Did

Found on AskReddit.

1. Dad had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks.

We were having a sweet sixteen for a family friend which was a pool party and I was invited being the same age as the birthday girl, the adult had their section over by the grill (naturally) where the hot tub was well. My dad unfortunately had the task of lifeguard since he was the only one that was CPR certified for his job. When I look over, the other adults had gone in and he was alone tending the grill and keeping an eye on the 20 other teens (most of them girls) lounging and playing games in the pool. As we walks over to the other side to pick up trash or whatever one of the girls yells EWWW and points at my dad. He had a giant boner where the tip was poking out of his stupid tight swimming trunks. And I was known as the son of a pedophile. I changed schools and that was that.

2. My mom accused me of sucking dick because I had zits.

My mom just said earlier that when she was younger, shed get zits on certain parts of her face for reasonsand her brother knew. You’ve been sucking that dick, haven’t you?

3. My mother would dress me as a girl when I cried because only girls cry.

My mother would dress me as a girl when I would cry when I was around 3 years old because only girls cry.

4. Dads horseplay left me nude in front of my friends.

I believe I was in third grade when this happened. I had two of best friends to my house for a sleepover and we were doing something in the living room when it was time for dinner. My dad thought it would be funny to take me to the dining room by picking me up by my feet and carrying me upside down. The only problem was that I was wearing sweatpants and when he lifted me he was grabbing more pant than ankle. I was in the air for a few seconds before I fell out of my pants onto the floor bottomless and dazed. Out of the sweats and boxers and all. I immediately ran away, Porky Pig style to cry in private. My dad came and tried to apologize but couldn’t stop laughing. At the time it was the most embarrassed I’d ever been. In retrospecthilarious.

5. Dad danced naked and projectile-vomited at a Christmas party.

My parents would hold a Christmas cocktail party every year. One year, my parents hired my sister and my sister’s best friend, let’s call her Patty since that was her name, to act as circulating cocktail waitresses, bringing drinks and finger foods to all the guests. They probably had 20 or 25 guests.

Dad got hammered. Woo-hoo, boy-howdy D-R-U-N-K. like in the movies, lampshade on the head drunk. Mom angrily sends Dad upstairs for a while.

The master bedroom was directly over the living room. All of a sudden, the guests start hearing these…noises from right above their heads. In her annoyance, my mother sends 15yo Patty, my sister’s best friend, upstairs to check.

And she proceeds to find my father, naked as the day he was born, jumping on the bed like a hyperactive 4yo, his manhood flapping in the breeze.

“Mr. Smith, are you OK? Patty asks, shocked to her core.

“I’m ” Dad exclaims, and then goes all Regan-from- on her. Just projectile vomiting everywhere. Covered the bed, two walls, a full-length mirror…an oscillating lawn sprinkler of puke.

Patty didn’t get married until her early 40s. I am convinced this incident had an impact on that situation.

My mother and father had a passionate, tempestuous relationship. But in the 24 years they were married, I don’t think I ever saw her as angry as I saw her that night and….for like the next two months. It took some other husband in her Junior League circle of friends to get caught banging a babysitter or something for my mother to get over it. It was just….

6. They made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

Made my brother and I wear matching outfits every day until we were 11.

7. Mom is a little too open about her yeast infections.

My mom was on the phone with her doctor because she had thrush or something in her mouth. The doc said it’s probably a yeast infection. She immediately says Oh how strange. I usually get them on the other end! What the fuck, mom?

8. Mom nodded out from drugs and began snoring during my choir recital.

My mother liked drugsshe was high-functioning during the day at the time of this story but in the evening she partied. I begged her not to go to my high school freshman year Winter Concert (choir, and I had a solo). Second row there she was, positioned right in front of me with the lights from the stage illuminating her face…as she nodded out, and began to snore. I want to crawl inside of myself.

9. Mom clogged a motel toilet and bragged to the maintenance man.

My mother and I were staying at a hotel when I was around 15, and she took one of her epic dumps and clogged the toilet, so she had to call the front desk and have them send a maintenance guy. Guy walks in, he’s around 25, beautiful (of course), and my mother jokingly says to him, So now you have to guess which one of us has the huge colon.

10. They found my condoms and then gave me sex tips.

Found my condoms when they helped me move out of my freshman dorm. Then gave me sex tips.

11. My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over.

My dad used to freestyle whenever I had friends over. We are 100% white and I grew up, mostly, in the country. The one that I always remember happening was about diarrhea. Looking back though my dad was spittin hit fire in the 90s. He needs to drop a mixtape.

12. Mom would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police.

After my Dad died in 1999, my Mom went a little nutty. She would give me permission to go out with friends or to a sleep over and then report me as a missing person to the police. Do you know what it’s like to be at a sleepover and have the cops come down the driveway for you? My friend’s Dad was PISSED. And then I get home and she like Oh, I’m so glad you’re alive. The police got sick of her and I got a cellphone.

13. My parents made out with each other at a party to embarrass me.

At my fourteenth birthday party my mom was lying on the couch while my friends and I all ate pizza in the dining room. My back was to the living room so I was the only person who couldn’t see my mom. Suddenly my friends all started to giggle. I turned around to see my father slowly crawling on top of my mother to make out with her. I guess I should mention that my parents weren’t ever affectionate with one another and that this was done purposefully to embarrass me.

14. My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality.

My dad has horrible gas. HORRIBLEas in quantity and quality. I’m pretty sure he emits toxic fumes. Anyway, when I was a kid he refused to contain or excuse himself to privacy like a normal person. He perfected the skill of nonchalant farting. He swore if he acted normal, no one would know he had passed gas. The icing was that he told a select few family and friends about this habit, so he knew those people would fidget and get uncomfortable when they realized he had dropped a stealth bomb; their uneasiness would make other people think they were the offender and not him. Needless to say, it was very embarrassing, but my dad was calm enough about it thatyes, people would often carry on like they didn’t smell it. This went on for years. My mom got sick when I was pretty young. She had early onset Alzheimer’s which for her meant she had no filter for many years prior to her diagnosis. So she started calling my dad out whenever he did it. Loudly. It was horriblehorrible to be the child of the man who is constantly farting around other people and the woman who shouted at him to shame him for doing it. In hindsight it’s kind of funny.

15. Dad ran away screaming from a mall interviewer.

Was with my dad at the mall, and you know the people who approach you to answer the surveys?? Well, this lady picked the wrong person, AKA my dad.

Sir, do you have time to answer some questions?

(Screams at the top of his lungs, puts up his hood and screams NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOO, while running away)

Leaving me there like.

16. There mom was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage.

Some backstory to add to how embarrassed I felt. My mother’s family was working class, many of which were trashy. My mother was clearly one of the trashy ones. My fathers family were immigrants, but all became wealthy somewhat early on and were a bit more refined. Anyway, not that important, but basically there was just this perceived dynamic that my mom was trashy and me and my brothers were always self-conscious about that.

So fast-forward a few years, my parents split up. In a few years my mom gets pregnant. Which you know was to he expected honestly. But then because she is aware of how my father’s family (who were grew up with more, and were still very close with) viewed her. So she knew this was just going to be icing on the cake for them. She basically decided to deny the pregnancy. No problem, right? If she wants to buy herself a month or two, go ahead.

Well, my genius mom decided she was going to deny the pregnancy the whole way through. How would she handle the birth of the twins she was carrying? She had no clue, till this day we have no idea what she thought she was going to do.

But basically she forced us to play along and waited until she was 5 months pregnant, and huuuuge to finally admit (basically my dad just said to her we all know and have known for a month at least) it.

But yea there she was, waddling around with this massive stomach talking about having too much gas, and calling my Dad’s new girlfriend a whore for being in a relationship outside of marriage. Speaking about it now, it’s the funniest thing I have ever heard ofbut at the time I felt immense shame.

17. My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

My parents, who were quite conservative, took 12-year-old me to see a production of My mother elbowed me in the ribs and stated, This is the nude scene.

18. In front of my football team, Mom yelled, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back.

When I was 13 years old my mother dropped me off for football practice and when I was getting out of the car she said love you. wanting to look cool in front of my friends I didnt say it back, she said it again and I had joined my friends and closed the door. So of course the only logical thing to do was roll down the window and yell at the top of her lungs, BYE JACOB, MOMMY LOVES YOU and wouldnt leave until I said love you back. What a nightmare.

19. My dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python.

Not really a specific time, but when my friends come over (or any time really), my dad sits on the couch in his underwear while typing on his MacBook and quoting Monty Python. After a while of this, he will pick up his over 80-year-old saxophone and proceed to blast everyone’s eardrums with his improv jazz. Embarrassed me as a kid, but now I have the most chill dad out of my friends.

20. Mom put the ‘sag’ on in front of our whole school.

7th grade story. My mom hated the whole sagging-your-pants fad and threatened to sag her pants in front of my whole school if i continued to do it. Fast-forward to a nice and busy morning in the parking lot in front of the school where students were dropped off. I get out of the car, pants sagging along. She screams out the window to pull up my pants. I pretend like I dont hear her. She honks 5+ times to have everyones attention and proceeds to get out with her sweat pants down below her ass cheeks, granny panties flopping in the wind walking like a duck all while yelling mijo look! Needless to say I never sagged my pants again.

21. My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants.

My mom complains about food to the staff in restaurants. The last time we ate she ordered fish and chips, she told the waiter it looks like it’s from McDonald’s. It makes me cringe inside forever.

22. My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication.

My mom showed up to my school while I was in class to scold me for forgetting to take me ADHD medication. Like full-on screaming while I sat silently in horror while my classmates laughed. She interrupted an entire class to do this. To paint a better picture, my mom is like Lois from

23. My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it.

My dad pushed me off my scooter in the middle of the high street and rode off on it. He also put rap music on his car and sang along with the windows open through the town

24. Dad was a snoring/farting machine.

My dad had a form of narcolepsy; he slept everywhere he went, people would stare at him all the time. The embarrassing part of this is, when he was asleep, he would let huge farts rip with no shame sometimes. I do miss him, though, even though he was a snoring/farting machine. To be more descriptive, imagine sitting in a crowded doctors waiting room or some other such public places. Your father is sitting next to you, sawing logs as loud as he can, all of a sudden he leans over and lets one rip. Simultaneously he lets out a loud AWWWWWWWWWWW to trumpet his ass-jiggling flatulence. Then in the end none of this would wake him up.

25. On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period.

TMI incoming…On the phone with my friend and my dad comes into my room to scream at me for getting period blood on my panties….after my very first period. My friend on the phone heard everything and i couldnt even bear to keep talking, so i just hung up.

26. Dad made his butt talk in front of my friends.

I was watching TV with some friends, and my dad came out of his room, stood in front of the TV with his back to us, pulled his shorts down to expose his butt, and grabbed his butt cheeks to make them talk and say I have bad breath.

27. My grandpa would insult other kids out loud during baseball games.

Not my parents, but at my brother’s baseball games my grandpa will sit in the bleachers and insult the other kids out loud, oftentimes to the parents of those children themselves. Examples include _____ is such a fuckin’ jerk or He’d be a good first baseman if he didn’t suck tits.

28. My father wore a “Huggies #1” hat because he knew it embarrassed his sons.

My father wore a Huggies #1 hat, like the diaper brand, that he found on the side of the road. He wore it whenever he went anywhere with me or my bros for a few years.

He did it solely because he knew it embarrassed his boys. He loved trolling us.

It’s now in his garage collecting dust, and I want it… but he won’t let me have it because it’s his favorite hat.

Oh, and he did wear it again recently when we went pier fishing on a visit. Still embarrassing, but I see the humor now, too.

29. Mom yells at retail workers.

Im always humiliated when my mom yells at retail workers…or waiters…she seems to have no concept of when a problem is actually someone’s fault or not. Like, the lady behind the cash register has no control over the irregular sizing of the Old Navy jeans.

30. My dad mowed the lawnWITH me.

My dad is a bit of a control freak, especially so about his lawn and garden. My father didn’t make me mow the lawn. I was not ALLOWED to. To be totally honest, by and large he didn’t like the idea of teaching me how to do any man stuff, he’d prefer to just do it and be done with it. I am a super-advanced flashlight holder and beer fetcher, though.

One summer he had reconstructive shoulder surgery. Dad, come on, you can’t be pushing the mower around with your arm in a sling. It isn’t rocket science. I am happy to do it for you.

He hemmed and hawed for awhile but finally conceded I would probably have to do it. He gave me the the super-complicated instructions of pull cord, push around in straight line before doing the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done to me.

He walked with me, his good hand on the mower, for the entire duration of mowing his front and back lawn.

I was like 26 at the time. TWENTY-SIX.

I was married and living on my own at the time. Also I am a dude.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/08/26/30-people-confess-the-most-embarrassing-thing-their-parents-ever-did/