#but when it comes to comforting each other they know how to make the other calm down

[fleurvi]

First Time Oral | Arcane Women

headcanons for the first time you eat them out

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genre: smut (minors dni)

characters: ambessa, caitlyn, grayson, mel, sevika, vi

cw: fem!reader, dom!ambessa, reader works at a brothel in grayson's part

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Ambessa Medarda

You've been training together. Both of you are sweaty and out of breath, and adrenaline is pumping through your veins. You didn���t plan for anything to happen, but in the heat of the moment, Ambessa let her instincts take over. She manhandles you into laying down for her, growling into your mouth as you enthusiastically kiss her back.

There's something otherworldly about the grip Ambessa has on you. You listen as she guides you on how to please her. Her rough hands direct your mouth over her chest and down her abs. She offers you praise where you deserve it, eating her out like she's your last meal. The dynamic comes naturally to the two of you. As expected, she makes you work for the praise, but she won't leave you unsatisfied.

✩♬ ₊˚.✂️⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Caitlyn Kiramman

Another ‘heat of the moment’ thing. Early in your relationship, Cait is in a particularly bad mood, and her flaring temper riles you both up to the point where the only way to calm down is to work the frustration out of each other. You pin her against a wall, telling her to shut up and pulling her into a rough kiss. She takes over pretty quickly, dragging you to bed and pushing you down.

Cait crawls over you, pussy hovering over your face. When you tell her to sit that pussy on your tongue and ride your face, she obeys. She's eager in her actions as she rocks her hips. She works out the last of her energy on you, finally calming down as your tongue draws out a sorely needed orgasm.

✩♬ ₊˚.✂️⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Grayson

Every woman has her vices. You work at the brothel in Zaun, where she's your regular customer. At first, her visits consisted of venting conversation and Grayson pleasuring you in return for lending her your ear.

One night, she comes to you, in need of far more than you usually give. She's stressed beyond words; she's so tightly wound that once you get your pretty face between her muscular thighs, she cums embarrassingly fast. Your tongue, which is usually offering her praises and affirmations, laps at her pussy, draining the frustration from her body with every flick of your tongue.

✩♬ ₊˚.✂️⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Mel Medarda

After your third date with Mel, she takes you back to her place. You had so much fun over dinner that you couldn't possibly say no when she invited you in for one more drink. It takes you five minutes of small talk, but Mel eventually gets tired of beating around the bush and pulls you into a kiss. This isn't the first time you've kissed her, but there's something else there, lingering underneath your skin.

Mel pulls you to her room, asking you if you're ok with the development. When she gets a verbal yes from you, she gets to work on undressing you. Compliments fall from her lips as she does so, intent on making your first time together memorable and comfortable. You undress her at the same time, making sure to appreciate every inch of skin she bares to you. She's beyond breathtaking, and you make sure she knows exactly how you feel by taking charge and laying her down beneath you against the sheets.

You kiss down her body, and when you reach her thighs, you sink your teeth in. “You're so fucking hot”, You grunt, kissing over the teeth mark. Finally, you lean in, kitten-licking her clit. You eat Mel out with vigour and enthusiasm, conveying how much you've waited for this to happen.

✩♬ ₊˚.✂️⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Sevika

You two don't get much time alone; Sevika is a busy woman. Things between the two of you haven't gone much further than steamy make-outs in alleyways, just out of sight of the other zaunites crowding the streets.

When the night grows quiet, and Sevika has no responsibilities left for the day, she's all over you. She needs the skin-on-skin contact. As much as she hates to admit it, she needs you. She confides in you and asks you for help, and it's so out of character for her that you agree immediately. Just once, she wants to feel as safe and protected as she makes others. She's relatively quiet as you work, only letting the occasional moan slip through, but you know she appreciates your mouth on her by the way her thighs close around your head.

✩♬ ₊˚.✂️⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Vi

She's nervous. She's gone down on you but rejected you when you offered to return the favour. It's not that she doesn’t want you; it's more that she's not used to receiving and doesn't want to pressure you. When you finally clock on and confront her about it, the best way to ease her mind is to show her how much you really want it.

You lick and suck at her clit as you push two fingers inside of her. You're willing to make her cum as many times as she needs to understand how much you like giving.

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thank you so much for reading!

my requests are open!

[cathnospam]

Content Warning: College MHA AU, Oral (F! Receiving), Bakugo being Bakugo, Reassurance, SoftDom!Bakugo

You cried during sex and it freaked Bakugo out…

“B-bab—-y/n?!” The soft concerned look on his face in contrast on what he was just doing between your thighs was almost enough to make you break into a chuckle.

Not knowing what personal space is he cupped your chubby tear stained cheeks with his warm sweaty palm and rubbed the wetness away the best he could, “Why didn’t you use the safe word?!”

You blink, you could feel your high slowly wearing off if it wasn’t for his knee rubbing up against your clit. He didn’t even realize he was so close. “Huh?”

“Did I hurt you? Why —why didn’t—“

The tears just flowed naturally from your face, this was your first time with him and this new feeling of passion left you overwhelmed, his kissed, his curious touches, the groans and pants coming from you both as you rolled around in the messed up sheets of his bed.

His mouth was just as curious and intense as his hands, and in Bakugo fashion he gave it his all, looking up over the valley of your pretty breast to take notes of your reactions; to watch your face change when his tongue flicks in a new area, his lips practically made out with your lower ones which drew out a slurry “Katsuki~” and whine, which turned him on so much he kept doing so until he slid his thick muscle inside you, his ego inflated in ways he didn’t think could hearing you whine and moan for him, he grew confident, shaking his head back and fourth, in circles softly groaning while the slick mixture of his drool and your arousal. His forearm holding down your thighs to get a wider view of your his pretty pussy.

Who knew he was such a messy eater.

But he stopped, you started crying.

The blonde would first hurt himself before he ever hurts you, especially after giving him the chance to share such an intimate moment . He panicked.

“Katsuki, it’s okay.” You cut off his stammers, his voice was already cracking, you tend to forget how sensitive he really is under that hard exterior. You rose your back up on the headboard and pulled him down, his arms changing you in on the side of you, “I wasn’t in pain. It was the opposite.”

“How, dumbass you fucking—“

“Shut up.” You try to keep a deadpanned face, but the scent of your pussy on his breath made you subtly bite your lip, it was hot. “Well first off you were overstimulating me. Secondly, sometimes we can instinctively cry when something feels good or overwhelming, kinda like when you see people cry during weddings. They’re…happy tears.”

His face was pouted, small beads of sweats trickling down his forehead, and cheeks so warm and squishy you pinch ‘em to get a reaction out of him, “Tch….i knew that.”

“….I was really making you feel good?”

You smile, landing a slow kiss on his slightly thinner ones and tugging his fattier lower lip, you nod, “You made me feel really good. So good I cried. It’s a compliment.”

Bakugo ponded for a few seconds,finally relaxing his body to let you hold him for a moment, your heart beats laid in sync with each other, enjoying the quiet ambiance of his dorm , naked and comfortable.

“Do you still wanna keep going or wanna try again later?”

“Only…only if you want to—-I mean I do obviously, but I don’t wanna make it weird.”

“You couldn’t make it weird if you tried I wanna keep going….i was close.” You fake pouted at him, a crack of the smile came from Bakugo, he sighed in fake annoyance rising up,

“Then lay back,” He says as he pulls you by your thighs so you can lie flat on your back, “his time don’t cover your mouth when I eat you, okay? ….You sound hot.”

“We won’t hear the end of it in class tomorrow…”

“I don’t give a fuck.” His last words were muffed by his lips pressing against your sticky gooey pussy.

[totalswag]

Hii I have reques if you feel comfortable with it!

I read your drew fic with the arrest and I loved it!! I was wondering if reader was preforming bed chem outro instead of the back up singer it’s Drew and they get a little to carried away in front of the crowd. If That makes sense💕

bed chem ⎯ DREW STARKEY

authors note thank you for sending this request and it makes glad you liked my arrested for being too hot fic. my requests are still open and i'm gonna be working on the requests that are in my inbox right now from recent requests. also, you can picture singer!reader picture any way you want <3 i’m using sabrina carpenter as inspo for singer!reader.

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summary drew coming on stage at the very end of your song and you both get lost in the moment for a second in front of fans.

warning(s) mentions of intimate positions, kissing, touching.

Earlier in the show, you arrested Drew, your boyfriend, for being too hot— everyone in the arena went crazy seeing him. What they aren't expecting to Drew making a second appearance.

At the very end of bed chem one of your backup dancers will come into frame holding a camera on his shoulder, and when the curtain closes you pretend to do intimate things then the stage lights go off.

Prior to the show you asked Drew if he would be okay to go this— he agreed. Making sure he's comfortable was your first priority. He talked about different ways coming on stage that were so funny.

You start singing the final chorus of bed chem on your knees, legs wide out and free hand in front of you as you lean forward. The curtain signal is about to close. From the corner of your vision, you can see Drew approaching with the camera on his shoulder, dressed in dark pants and a white tank top—fans immediately began to cheer as he entered the frame.

He looked so good you couldn't control the redness of your cheeks spreading like a teenager seeing their crush.

To make the moment better, you sway your body around on the bed, allowing yourself to relax. Drew is looking at you with a smile on his face as he gets closer to the edge of the bed.

Motioning him to get closer— he lifts one leg on the bed as the curtain makes its way around the bed. Slowly setting down the camera on the edge of the bed.

You moved closer to Drew, pressing your bodies together in a false display of intimacy. Drew played along well, massaging your sides as he drew you closer. The crowd's cheers intensified, and the excitement in the arena reached a fever pitch.

You leaned in and kissed Drew deeply, as the curtain began to close behind you. The kiss was supposed to be a tease, a staged performance for the spectators, but you found yourself becoming lost in it.

Drew's hands crept up to cradle your face, his touch soft yet forceful. You forgot about the crowd, the cameras, and everything. It was just you and Drew, completely lost in each other.

Your hands drag down his bare chest, and he leaps forward into you at the gentleness of your touch, sending lightning down your body. 

Once the lights turn off you both pull away from each other. Everything in your body right now is all over the place you think you are gonna explode. You are breathing heavily.

"You always know how to put on a show," he said quietly, his voice hoarse.

You giggled softly, your fingertips tracing the contour of his jawline. "And you always know how to make it unforgettable."

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[rottenfyre]

⸻ ʀ ᴇ ᴅ ʜ ᴏ ᴏ ᴅ ⸻

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem Reader

Headcanon: how would he be when he's obsessed?

Note: English is not my first language. Hope you enjoy!

The first time Jason stepped into Wayne Manor, he looked more like a stray cat than a boy. When Bruce introduced him to you—you couldn’t help but notice the defiance in his eyes, like he expected you to reject him immediately. But instead of recoiling from his rough edges, you smiled and offered your hand. It was the first moment Jason felt truly seen.

Jason didn’t know what to do with kindness, especially not from someone who looked at him like he was worth something.

“You’re going to love it here,” you said warmly, still holding out your hand.

He didn’t take it, but he didn’t forget the gesture either. That moment rooted itself in him, and he clung to it in the months to come.

You were the first person to make him laugh in years. It started small—quiet chuckles he tried to hide—but eventually, you had him cackling so hard that tears streamed down his face.

You were unlike anyone Jason had ever met. While Bruce was the stern, brooding authority figure, you were warmth and understanding. You treated him like an equal, never pitying him for his past or scolding him for his sharp tongue. You’d sit with him during his training, patch him up after patrols, and listen to him vent about the unfairness of Gotham’s streets. Jason began to feel that you were the one good thing in his life—a tether to keep him grounded.

Even in those early days, Jason couldn’t help but feel a flicker of jealousy whenever you spent time with others. Whether it was Dick dropping by the Manor or Bruce pulling you away for a mission, Jason would watch, his jaw clenched and fists tight. You were his sanctuary, and the thought of sharing you with anyone else left a sour taste in his mouth.

Jason always found reasons to keep you close. He insisted on sparring with you during training, claiming no one else could push him like you did. He memorized the way you moved, the sound of your laughter when you managed to pin him, and the way your eyes narrowed in concentration. He lived for those moments.

Whenever you went on patrol, Jason was there, watching your back like a hawk. At first, you thought he was just being protective, but over time, his behavior grew more intense. If a thug so much as glanced at you the wrong way, Jason’s fists would leave them unrecognizable. “They deserved it,” he’d mutter, his knuckles dripping with blood, his gaze softening only when it landed on you.

Jason began planting seeds of doubt about everyone around you. He’d point out flaws in Dick’s plans, subtly criticize Bruce’s parenting, and even question Alfred’s judgment, all to make you feel like he was the only one you could truly rely on.

When Jason died, it shattered you. The boy who had been your closest friend, your partner in everything, was gone. Bruce tried to comfort you, but nothing could fill the void Jason left behind.

When Jason came back as the Red Hood, his first thought was of you.

You. The only light he’d ever known. The one thing that kept him tethered to humanity. And you hadn’t saved him.

His obsession became worse, this bitter, consuming need to make you pay for abandoning him—and to keep you. Jason spiraled, his love for you warping into something darker, something unrecognizable.

Jason stalks you now, though he doesn’t see it that way. He calls it watching over you. You’re his, and Gotham is dangerous, especially with the Bat family’s enemies constantly circling.

He knows everything: where you go, who you talk to, what makes you smile. The line between love and control blurs with each passing day.

Sometimes, he visits you in secret. You’ll come home to find your favorite meal waiting on the counter or a new book sitting on your bedside table. Other times, you’ll catch glimpses of him in the shadows—just a flicker of red and black before he’s gone.

And then there are the times he lets himself be seen. He’ll stand in the middle of your apartment, waiting for you to come home. His voice is low, almost dangerous, as he says, “You don’t lock your windows, princess. Someone could get hurt.”

You try to confront him, try to reason with him, but Jason isn’t the boy you knew. He’s sharper now, more unhinged.

“You think you can just forget me?” he growls, pinning you against the wall. “You think you can move on, live your life without me? That’s not how this works princess.”

Jason’s obsession manifests in unpredictable ways. One moment, he’s protective and tender, swearing to keep you safe at all costs. The next, he’s violent and possessive, tearing apart anyone who gets too close to you.

He’s killed for you, though he’d never admit it. That coworker who flirted with you too much? Dead in an alleyway. The stranger who catcalled you on the street? Beaten within an inch of their life.

“I’m doing this for you,” he says, his voice trembling with something raw and desperate. “You don’t have to worry about anyone hurting you. I’ll take care of it.”

You try to push him away, but it only makes him cling harder. Jason doesn’t see the line between love and obsession. To him, it’s all the same.

Jason’s ultimate goal is simple: to have you. To keep you with him, away from the dangers of Gotham—and away from anyone else.

“I’m not asking, princess,” he says one night, dragging you into his arms. “I’m taking you. No one else gets to have you. Not Bruce, not Dick, not anyone. You’re mine, and I’ll burn this city to the ground before I let you go.”

And maybe, deep down, a part of you doesn’t want him to. Because for all his madness, Jason is still Jason—the boy who made you laugh, who understood your pain, who loved you in a way no one else ever could.

But at what cost?

@ʀᴏᴛᴛᴇɴꜰʏʀᴇ 2024. ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴏʀ ᴜꜱᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡᴇʙꜱɪᴛᴇꜱ.

[lovemomhatepolice]

lewis hamilton nswf alphabet (part 1) (minors DNI!)

navigation taglist requests

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) Lewis is incredibly attentive during aftercare, making sure you feel safe and loved. He cuddles you close, whispers soft reassurances, and checks in on how you’re feeling. Whether it’s getting water, wrapping you in a blanket, or running a warm bath, he ensures you’re completely cared for.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) What he likes most about himself is his arms - covered in tattoos and strong, which can easily lift you up whenever he wants. He also loves it when you often grab him by the arm or hold him somewhere and lead him!

Lewis loves your neck! He adores that he can kiss it and knows your soft spots, where he always knows you'll react more than others. He also loves how intensely your perfume smells on it, which he loves to inhale.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) He considers it a very intimate part, especially when you do it unprotected. He knows very well how much risk is involved, but with you he is able to overcome it. He loves to fill you with his liquid and watch it merge with yours to form one whole, which in a way is a proof of your love and boundless trust. However, after intercourse, it immediately helps you clean yourself so you don't feel dirty

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) Lewis has a secret thrill for public teasing—brushing his hand over your thigh at a formal event or whispering something filthy in your ear when no one’s looking. The risk of being caught, combined with the fact that only the two of you know what’s happening, drives him wild. He loves the power of building anticipation, making you wait until you’re alone to finally give in to everything he’s been promising.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Lewis is quite an experienced man - he has had many female partners in his life before you, whether romantic or sexual, so he knows exactly what he is doing. He can perfectly caress a woman's body, focusing on certain areas that you immediately drift away from

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) He loves it when you're on top. That's when he can read every expression on your face and see you dissolve in the delight of orgasm. It also gives him the opportunity to hold you tightly by the hips, moving inside you from below, which intensifies your sensations and gives you a completely different, even closer contact

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) It depends - most often, however, he tries to throw in a joke, especially he did so at the very beginning, when you started making love with each other. Now it depends, he is not adversarial, he loves to laugh with you, however, he also cares about making it as pleasant as possible for you and it just naturally comes out that he is already less goofy, making it more tender

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) Lewis doesn't give a damn - he shaves himself when he wants and doesn't pay much attention to it, just as long as it would be hygienic. And towards you? Hmm, he's not the youngest, which is why he gets excited when you have your bottom trimmed in some patterns. Oh gosh, he loves it when you have one stripe there

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Lewis is terribly thoughtful. He whispers sweet nothings or full of encouragement to you all the time. He doesn't forget to leave the softer ones - on your cheeks or forehead - in addition to hot and passionate kisses. He also hugs you very often and tries to make you feel one hundred percent comfortable. He is also very fond of silence, which, according to him, gives a great deal to intimacy

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Lewis doesn’t do it often, but when he does, it’s usually because he’s missing you. He’s not one to rush through it—he takes his time, letting his imagination run wild with memories of your time together or fantasies about what he wants to do to you. If he’s away from you, he might even text or call, letting you know exactly what he’s thinking about, making it all the more intense. K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Who would have thought that our seven-time world champion likes to feel the thrill of being covered? As soon as he has the opportunity to do so and you are willing, he very much enjoys making love to you in places where someone can cover you. It's not the greatest advantage for him to do all this - but in the end, he still cares about his privacy and yours. However, being in a public place, such as the beach or the jaccuzi on the roof of your apartment excites him. L = Location (favorite places to do the do) He loves places with a view - such as the balcony or high windows you have in your apartment. He also eats when you're on vacation and have an outdoor shower, oh, then he loves to take you there

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) He gets very excited when you know what you want yourself. When you whisper to him how you would like him to love you that night, or when you come yourself and even beg him for it. Or vice versa - when you tease him by pretending to be acutely unavailable. One word and he is already yours

A/N: part two will be here soon! (If anyone wants me to tag them - let me know in the comments). WELL - it's the first time when I'm writing for lewis

I encourage you to give requests in the Christmas marathon! click here :) and in my celebration to the first thousand!

please do not copy and translate my works! in case of any issues related to this - I invite you to discuss privately :)

[dmitriene]

cw: pregnancy, rushed plot writing.

being simon's riley high school sweetheart, you just stuck to each other, somehow, there was something in him that pulled you easily, as if a treat shown in front of the grabby child, the way he kept himself aside from all the commotions and class gangs, his stoic, brooding facade, his eyes, usually so heavy and dark, gleaming tawny under the morning sun, never looking at you with hatred, something addictive.

a silly, simple crush, but it's transcended years, always close to each other, a brief exchange of greetings, sharing a book, helping with homework, sitting together because it's more comfortable this way, quieter, and then exchanging clumsy kisses on the back of the school building, where nowhere can see, find out about your little secret, a weakness of simon.

when you both graduate, simon suddenly dissappears, not a single word uttered, as if you never knew each other, as if you didn't mattered, and perhaps, that was it in the reality, just a childish mess of love, a complex thing you lose interest in, making you move on forward, looking over small, cheap polaroids where you two are hugging, making faces to each other through laughter and little kisses, something now forgotten.

years later, you meet an attractive, sweet man in the towns pub, when deciding to travel in scotland, clean your head a little bit, look at mesmerizing, incredible landscapes and get close to other's people culture, that's how a first taste of whisky suddenly ends in a bed of an cheesy, charismatic scott, johnny, not just a stranger with deep ceruleans that stole your breath, but your husband, the father of your baby.

johnny is military, you know well, deciding to step away of all this business as much as you can, and also because of him, he wants to shield you, not burden your and the baby with fear of wars, terrorism and endless missions, when he comes home, there's never soap, it's just johnny, always back to you with wide, lopsided grins and arms spread wide, scooping your precious baby in his beary hold, while peppering your scrunching from giggles face with kisses.

your new, perfect life that's snaps so easily, when your calendar starts missing days of johnny's comeback, the red circled date is far away from the current day by now, and there's not a single message from him, planting a gnawing, chilling feel that makes you walk back and forth all over the house, bouncing the baby in your hands, cooing worried, but suppressed to soothing lullabies, until you hear a knock to the door.

but instead of your husband, there's a masked, beefy man, an envelope in his gloved hand, a situation too forbidden, and a voice too familiar to you, apologizing for the death of his friend, simon riley, a man you remember by his eyes alone, even through painted with sorrow.

main masterlist. quidelines.

[chronicsyd]

I'm gonna be so serious, y'all are remembering POWDER and Ekko and not JINX and Ekko when screaming about how much you "wanted Timebomb endgame over Caitvi"

shoving JINX in a relationship with her current mental state is not a good writing choice whatsoever, because Ekko literally had to keep rewinding time because she kept trying to kill herself. If Anything, That relationship would be rushed and fanservice because they would have jumped the gun in 2 episodes vs the 2 seasons it took for Caitvi and showing their ups and downs throughout their whole relationship.

The alternate universe works because Powder doesn't become Jinx and the two don't separate, unlike this universe where the two have been at odds for 7 years and almost kill each other back in Ep 7 of S1.

"But Cait never said sorry!" she didn't really have to, because Vi never stopped being in love with the girl that she Knows Cait is at heart, the Cocktail Molotov scene in Act 2 makes that VERY apparent. Cait saying that she was waiting for Vi to recover to address Jinx is the start of it because Act 1 Cait wouldn't have even Considered doing that, because she was so gung-ho about putting a bullet into Jinx that she Demanded Vi move out of the way for her to do so. She holds herself accountable with the mistakes she's made ("We can't erase our mistakes. None of us." that wasn't just a line targeted at Jinx to prove a point, there's deeper meaning behind it), and moving the guards out of the cell proving that she trusts Vi and her judgment on Jinx is that apology, Caitlyn has always been an "acts of service" kinda person over being a "verbal" kinda person; it's all over the place in S1 but Especially here in S2. But even after she takes Vi's shirt off, you could tell by her eyes and body language that she was most likely going to stop herself again to apologize for hitting her because the wound was in the same spot she initially hit, which was part of the lead up for This wound to even happen, but Vi's the one that just pulls her back in instead.

I'm also gonna add on that Vi thinks she made the wrong choice in trusting Jinx and thinking Jinx's changed because Jinx locked her in the cell and ran away again. So why in the Hell would Vi go chasing after her Again to be met with the same result time and time again? Vi isn't responsible for Jinx's mental health and y'all saying that are just weird. And I think it's apparent that Stillwater probably wasn't even in the top 10 things in her head being with Caitlyn, she was just running wild on emotions that she hasn't allowed herself to feel like-- Ever. And even if it Was Vi probably would have said she wasn't comfortable being in a jail cell of all places.

What was I talking about? Oh right, Timebomb.

Like Yes, it's shitty that Ekko doesn't get a happy ending considering he's the most unproblematic in the entire show. But people tend to forget that at the end of the day, Arcane is a TRADGEDY. It's not She-ra, it's not The Owl House, it wasn't going to be wrapped up in a neat little bow where everyone gets to smile and walk into the sunset with their loved ones, especially considering the fact that this season's being used as build ups to other stories, it's relatively clear that this isn't the last we're going to see of a lot of these characters. When they come back into play? well... who's to say?

But also, let's address that a lot of the Caitvi hate is just straight up homophobia at this point because a lot of people can understand Mel's admission to manipulating Jayce as an apology but Cait's actions we're suddenly braindead and need shit completely spelled out. like good lord I'm so tired of this. Y'all would NEVER have survived Catradora let me tell ya...

(My next post is gonna be a long winded rant about Maddie so stay tuned for that...)

[judysxnd]

If you're taking requests for Lando, and are comfortable writing angst. I'm in one of those moods where I need gut-wrenching neglected girlfriend being called clingy and then him grovelling for forgiveness. You don't have to write it, I just really have been in an angsty mood.

Sparkle anon

As usual I don't like what I did, but I have been starting this like a thousand times and never finished it and this time I did. So I'll go with the flow. I hope you'll like it !

I took so much time to write this that your mood probably changed like a thousand times 😭 I'm sorry 😔

———————————————————————

These past few days have been hard for you. Lando has been away for the past three weeks because it was a triple header and you couldn't come with him because of work. You always thought that being famous too would help you have clear weekends to come to the races, but apparently not. You had ads to film, shoots for magazines to do, interviews to prepare and do too, and it was getting overwhelming.

And Lando being in a different time zone definitely didn't help. You barely could texts, or one would respond hours later, the phone calls only last a few minutes (when you can actually call each other) and it wasn't enough for you these days. Your anxiety was getting the best of you, resulting in a few panic attacks daily.

Usually Lando helps a lot, but he had enough stuff on his plate too. He was in a tough battle with Max for the championship, and from what you've seen and what he had told you a bit, he was struggling with the car this week-end. You tried to make it work as much as you could. But you just couldn't do it anymore. You were back at Monaco after working hard until Saturday afternoon, actually coming home at Lando's place around 9pm, crying yourself to sleep, not even eating.

You knew Lando would be back for a few days from Vegas for a couple of days before flying to Qatar. But you definitely didn't expect to wake up at almost 5pm the next day by noises in the kitchen. First of all, how did you sleep that much? You were tired but damn, that's like 18hours of sleep ! And second of all, who was in the kitchen?

You slowly walked, carefully listening to the noises. After leaning a bit, you saw Lando searching the fridge for something to eat.

"Oh my god" you said relieved it was him. "you scared me so much!" you said walking to him, hugging him from behind.

"I scared you- in my own place?"

"yeah as you were in a different country" you leaned onto the counter next to him. "how did it go?" you asked about the race. Yes you didn't watch it as you slept half a day. You were going to watch it as you woke up, before Lando gets back, but well, you definitely didn't have time for that apparently.

"not good" Lando said barely looking at you

"oh" he walked out of the kitchen "but where did you finish?"

"You didn't watch the race?" he asked, going to the living room to eat at the table

"Well, I wanted to, but as you can see I.. overslept" he stared at you, as he was judging you "and you came back before I could watch it, so might as well tell me directly" you sat in front of him

"Well I lost the championship and finished P6, behind Max at the race. Happy?"

"Why are you so mad at me? It's not my fault, I'm just trying to know what happened to support you"

"support me? You weren't even there for that"

"ugh, excuse me? Sorry for having a career of my own, which I might give up with everything happening at the same time"

"like you can't take at least one day to come watch the race"

"that's the only thing you got from what I just said?" you stood up "what the hell Lando? What happened for you to treat me like that? I've been working my ass off, trying to contain my panic attacks all alone because you also have a career and can't be by my side 24/7, you barely even answer my text, you don't call me, you don't even ask me how I am doing!" He just stared at you, not saying anything. "you know what? I think I was better alone" you said, leaving the room, heading to his bedroom to gather your stuff.

"Wait- where are you going?" he said following you, like he suddenly cared.

"I'm going to my parents for a while. I haven't seen them in 2 months between my work and the races. And you're leaving like in two days anyway so, might as well try to have a good time with people that actually care about me" And before he could say anything, you were out of his sight, driving to the nearest airport to fly to your parents (trying to avoid to cry and have many panic attacks on your way).

You knew Lando wouldn't fly to you for the next two weeks with the races getting all of his time. But he did harass you with texts, tried to call you, which you ignored. He also sent you flowers, many flowers, gifts with little cards, apologising and asking for you to answer his texts and calls. You did feel guilty, even if you made it clear that he neglected you, you felt bad for keeping it to yourself that long and just lashing onto him like that.

You watched the last two races of the year, a knot in your stomach. You felt like you made it worse by acting like that and ignoring him. Hell he could have an accident and not make it back and that would be the last thing you said to him? That is a very bad scenario but still. And at the same time, your pride was telling you to keep ignoring him, that you were right and that he was the one to come back to you (which he was actually trying to do).

Until the next Monday after the last race, when you heard a knock to your bedroom. Innocently thinking it was your mom, you told "her" to come in, only to be faced by Lando holding flowers in his hand. You were laying in bed, in your pyjamas at 3pm, scrolling on your phone.

"Lando? What are you doing here?" You said, sitting up.

"You didn't give me other choices" you nodded, admitting that it was true. "I'm sorry for being a bad boyfriend" he said, taking a step closer to you

"keep going" you said, crossing your arms

"I shouldn't have neglected you like that even if I get too busy at work. I know you always take time for me even though you're working too and I should do the same thing" he sat down at the edge of your bed

"hm hm" you nodded

"I know you didn't read my texts nor listened to my voice messages or voicemails, but I've been apologising for a thousand times and, I've been begging you not to breakup with me" you couldn't help but laugh

"I've listened to them" you admitted

"w-were they good?" you tilted your head "you know I'm not good for that type of stuff"

"You're getting there"

"So what are you saying? Are we good?" you leaned a bit closer to him

"No we're not good Lando. It's not a bunch of texts, calls and gifts that are going to make me forget what happened. Hell I told you I wanted to abandon my entire career and you didn't even react" he was about to say something but you cut him off "and I know it's been very tough for you too for the races, that's why I gave you the benefit of doubt when you were away, but- you were sitting in front of me Lando-"

"I know, I know" he sat right in front of you, holding your hands "we've been dating for a year and- honestly I don't know what happened. When I came back from São Paulo you were there for me, and thank god you were, but I think it's just, it went to my head and I was under so much pressure" you wanted to cut him off but he didn't let you "and I'm not making up excuses for what I did. I just don't want to lose you. I'm so sorry, I'll do anything for you not to leave me, just please, don't go. It won't happen again, I promise" you sighed

"I wasn't going to leave you Lando" you had a little smile. You could see it in his eyes. He was scared he really messed up to the point you were actually going to leave him for good. Maybe stepping away for a few weeks made him think, like for you.

"Really?" He seemed genuinely surprised

"Yes, but I needed some time, like you did too"

"yes. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I won't do it again"

"You better not" you both laughed a little. "I love you too"

"Not as much as I do" and he immediately leaned in to kiss you. "Now I need to give those flowers to your mother because she helped me to get to talk to you" you gasped as he stood up

"of course she did" you laughed "and to think those flowers were for me? I'm offended" you joked

"Didn't you get enough with everything I sent you?" you tilted your head "too soon?" you both laughed

"yeah, too soon" he left the room. You got up and followed him down the stairs.

[p1astr81]

Second Place

In which: Lando can’t balance his work life and his personal life, and loses his girl as a result.

pairing: Lando Norris x pop star!reader

warnings: angst, all hurt/no comfort, use of y/n

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ ‧

All night, you’d been glancing over to the vip section on the floor. With each look over, you’d hoped to see his smiling face magically appear, but it never came.

Disappointed? Yes. Surprised? Shocked? No.

This wasn’t the first incident. Last month, he forgot about two dates. Dates you planned on your own. And it’s almost everyday now that his phone goes to voicemail whenever you call him. Then you’d shoot him a text and he would get back to you hours later with a half-assed apology about being on the sim or studying data.

The two of you talked about it once. He promised to be better. To try harder. Spoiler alert: nothing changed.

Of course, you understood him. To an extent. You knew the stress he was under. Being expected to perform with absolute perfection week after week would put anyone under intense pressure.

You should know. You have been there. You are there, in the same situation with your own career. You’d been on tour. You were constantly tired, but still managed to make time for him.

On the other hand, it seemed Lando either didn’t care to make time for you, or couldn’t manage his time.

It didn’t matter either way. You were done with this. With him. You felt like he didn’t give a single fuck about you anymore and it was mentally draining you. Despite your desperate attempts at keeping your relationship afloat, the thin ice that was upholding the relationship had been slowly cracking over the last few months, and tonight was the fatal fissure. You were drowning in the ice cold water. Alone.

You sat in your dressing room, still in the sparkling dress you’d just run off stage in. You wiped the makeup from your face. The tears made that easier.

Lando cautiously opened the door, the guilt and regret settling heavy on his shoulders when he sees the state of you through the mirror. You make brief eye contact with him in the reflection, and continue as if you never saw him.

“Y/n,” he started, remorse dripping from his voice. You don’t reply. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” He apologized, but the words no longer meant anything to you. He’d said them so many times that they became insignificant.

He moved across the room to give you a hug. You dodge his touch, jumping from your seat. He looks hurt at the gesture, but for the first time, you can’t bring yourself to care about how he feels.

“Y/n, I fucked up. I know. Please,” he pleaded. Something between a scoff and a laugh came from your mouth. You wiped the tears from your face with the heel of your hand. “Your words don’t mean shit to me anymore.” Nothing was funny, but you laughed. You shook your head. “Do you know how hard this was? To get our schedules to line up like this?” You left a space for him to answer, but he said nothing. “I had to persuade my team for weeks, Lando. Weeks.” He just stared at you, his brows pulled together ever so slightly. “And you don’t even seem to care.” You threw your arms out to the side, your voice cracking.

“Don’t- don’t say that. I do care. I care about you.” He reached for you again, but you took a step back to avoid his grasp. “You do a pretty shit job of showing it.” You fire back.

Lando scoffed. “What do you want from me?!” He demanded. You take a deep breath. “To try. Like you said you would the first time we had this conversation, remember?” Your voice wobbles from the tears that you’re struggling to hold back.

Lando rolls his eyes. Turning away from you he muttered an, “oh my god,” as if you were crazy for thinking he was in the wrong. “This is insane. I have a job and it always comes first.” You cross your arms over your chest. “I have a job too, but the difference is: I make time for you.” You point an accusatory finger at him.

He shook his head. “You don’t get it. It’s not the same for you. No one is expecting you to be perfect every single weekend.”

That gets a laugh out of you. A hysterical breakdown that confused Lando. “You don’t think people expect perfection from me?” He doesn’t answer the question. “Get out. Get out. I don’t want to see you again. I don’t want to hear from you again. I’m done with you.”

It was Lando’s turn to laugh. The sound mocked you. “What? Over something as small as this? C’mon, you’re not being reasonable.” There it was again, the feeling that he was calling you crazy.

“It’s not about this one situation, it’s about the whole principle of the matter. You’re putting zero effort into this relationship and it’s killing me. And I don’t care if you think I’m being unreasonable because I’ve made up my mind. I’m done with you.” Lando stared, waiting for you to take back what you said, but it was never going to come. Lando scoffed a final time and left the dressing room.

While the weight of the relationship had been taken off your shoulders, your legs couldn’t uphold the weight of your heartbreak any longer. You fell to the floor, hugging your arms around yourself as your own sobs shook your body.

You didn’t hear the door open, but soon felt the arms of someone around you. “No,” you hiccup, pushing the person away, assuming it was Lando. “Hey, it’s just me.” The voice belonged to one of your backup dancers and close friend, and you settled into his arms as he comforted your broken form.

[certifiedducky]

i mean they could’ve had both. their dynamic(like everything involving adrien, chloe, and character depth in this show) had so much potential, and the show really just let it all fizzle and die.

like, for starters, in the show they’re longterm friends, and adrien stays friends with her despite the fact that she’s a bully but it just comes across as very unsympathetic to his new friends, especially marinette. he kind of just says “oh that’s how she is, we’ve been friends forever” and it makes adrien look really shitty.

But if we got more depth from them? Like, after Audrey left Chloe spent a lot of time with the Agrestes because her dad was ALWAYS working. If Emilie was a super-involved mom, I bet she became SO important to Chloe. Further cementing Adrien and Chloe being siblings. Chloe would get to go to school and then she’d come back every day and tell Adrien all about it, and when they were younger they’d play games about being in school because they both wanted him there.

Adrien got enrolled in school after Emilie died. There’s no way he would’ve been able to do that on his own, and absolutely no way Nathalie would’ve helped him. After Mr. Agreste started becoming more distant, I bet Chloe felt it as her job to comfort Adrien the way he and his mom comforted her after Audrey left. But they aren’t little kids anymore, and Gabe’s being super controlling about when Adrien can see other people. So she pulled strings and helped him enroll in school.

They’re EVERYTHING to each other. And, yeah, Chloe’s a little clingy but it’s because she remembers when her mom left and how hard it was, so she wont stop pestering Adrien to make sure he’s okay, in her own way. She hasn’t quite realized that she loves Adrien like a brother, and is mostly just really scared that once he goes to public school someone will convince him to leave her, too. I’d imagine those first few days, she was GLUED to his side.

But Adrien craves social connection, so he started making friends with other kids in the class, and he had to separate himself from chloe to do that. it could’ve been a really hard decision for him, maybe she didn’t talk to him for a few days. but they’re family. and he still talks to her and she leaves for lunch with him, and nino and alya and marinette really hold it against him for a while until everything comes out about audrey, and that’s when adrien explains the history they have.

Adrien and Chloe being found family is one of my absolute favorite missed opportunities in the show. They know each other’s tells. Chloe comes off as a snobby rich kid, but she’s protecting herself and Adrien. He may come across as unsympathetic, but he can’t very well disown his sister when they’ve been through so much together. He definitely could’ve been a crucial part of her character development as well.

Adrien and Chloe could have had the best found family dynamic but nooooo they needed a mean girl character

[cheyisagirlkisser]

craving a soft, sweet make out sesh with vi

you can imagine s1 vi or s2 with this one, I know I definitely went overboard with the context to why they’re making out I’m sorry if this isn’t what you were expecting but I like making my requests unique. Thank you for this request though I kind of needed a break from writing filthy smut (as much as I love to do that, too)

Content: 654 words, soft make-out sesh, fluff, this isn’t sexual so if that’s what you’re expecting I have other fics!:3

I see Vi as the type of person to be rough when she wants to be but with you? She could spend hours just softly smothering your lips with hers, not even pulling away when it's over but rather resting her forehead against yours so she can feel the life of oxygen flow through you, the warm breath so she knows that you're alive and all hers. She likes to slide her tongue over you with no real destination or finish line and know that your heart is still beating just as fast as if she were doing more, but you know that she would stick by your side even if these soft, sweet kisses are the only thing she is given. It is all she needs.

🍥

Vi wasn’t much of a soft person, like, ever. Pretty brash and called reckless by almost everyone in her life, loved the feeling of fighting, and somehow, she was still soft as ever in the ways that counted.

With you, she craved to be soft. She trusted you with her heart enough that she would spill all of her emotions and issues out whenever the two of you were alone, let you comfort her so softly, and feel the way you softly squeeze her hand.

She can’t help it - not when you’re looking at her so sweetly as she tells you things she has never confessed to in her life before. She needs you, and so she cups your face and pulls you in for a soft kiss.

She doesn’t rush or force her tongue down your throat. Her lips are warm and you can slightly feel the scar on her upper lip against your lips and you just want to take care of her, make her feel like she will always have you. Because she really will. But strangely enough, Vi has a way of spoiling you far too much to even give you the chance to reciprocate, and so you’ll let her devour your lips in such a loving way.

Her hands pull at your hips and you soon find yourself in her lap. You don’t expect anything more to come from this, and that feels just right to you. Feeling Vi’s tongue softly lick into your mouth, feeling her hands rub over your waist but never too sexually or too roughly, it is enough.

You were always told that when someone truly loves a girl, they don’t always kiss her like they’re desperate to own her or like they’d explode without her. That’s good fun, but they take their time with her. They’re able to kiss her like they’re underwater and everything is simply slow motion because then, both of you are vulnerable and the drowning in each other’s lips takes longer. Vi kisses her girl like the two of you can kiss forever, and you can feel how she slightly quivers against your lips with all of her emotions forefront. She doesn't want to nibble on your lip but rather feel it between your teeth and pull away only to just feel your lips against hers, not even having to slide against them in any way but feel the way your lips are swollen and wet with her own saliva, it is so intimate with Vi and yet so, so sweet. When she loves, she loves deeply, intimately.

Her lips finally leave your mouth but only to trail sweet kisses down your jaw and onto your neck, soft pecks turning into the wet of her tongue branded onto your skin so sensually, you’re reacting all the same as if she were biting and taking you. She holds you while she lavishes attention onto your throat, softly tells you how much she loves you and how grateful she is to have you, and after a long while later she will hold you close to her and let you sleep on top of her.

[padfootagain]

Love in Verses (XXXI)

Chapter 31 : ‘Six billion tons sounds impossible until I consider how it is to swallow grief’

Hi! Here is a new chapter! This is The Party… chapters 31 and 32 are twin chapters, the party will be told from both perspectives, this one from Andrew’s and the next one from MC’s. Just so you know…

This is one of the first scenes I’ve written when I began working on this project, so I’m quite fond of it even if it makes me cry…

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 3678

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

Watching my friend pretend her heart isn’t breaking

On Earth, just a teaspoon of neutron star would weigh six billion tons. Six billion tons equals the collective weight of every animal on earth. Including the insects. Times three.

Six billion tons sounds impossible until I consider how it is to swallow grief – just a teaspoon and one might as well have consumed a neutron star. How dense it is, how it carries inside it the memory of collapse. How difficult it is to move then. How impossible to believe that anything could lift that weight.

There are many reasons to treat each other with great tenderness. One is the sheer miracle that we are here together on a planet surrounded by dying stars. One is that we cannot see what anyone else has swallowed.

Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

It was working, Andrew was certain of it.

He had hoped it wouldn’t, that seeing you flirt with another man would leave Frank unbothered, ignoring you completely. It was a little cruel, maybe, because it meant that you would be sad, that you would be hurt by his reaction. But as he stared at you letting a man trace a line up your arm… your bare arm…

Andrew looked away, feeling sick, feeling like his world was crushing down around him. Collapsing. It was like… like being dumped by Samantha all over again…

He downed his whiskey, letting the burn of the liquor ground him to the present once more, but the relief was temporary, and soon enough, he was looking up at you again and you were leaning to whisper something in that stranger’s ear.

He turned around this time, unable to stomach the sight of him resting a hand on your waist.

The plan was simple. You were to make Frank jealous, by wearing that divine dress you had bought with Andrew, by flirting with another man. Andrew had thought about playing that role, being the man you would flirt with, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t have survived the cruelty of that situation, of you faking to be interested in him that way. Not when he loved you so ardently. And so, he was merely keeping an eye on you now, staying close to one of the tables where whiskey was being poured generously, avoiding to talk to anyone at this gigantic party, checking that you were safe, while you let another man flirt with you and touch your waist…

He downed another glass…

“You’re alright, Andy?”

He turned to his left, following the voice that now called him. Samantha, of all people… brilliant.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright,” he answered, shifting awkwardly.

“Thanks for coming today. I’m glad we can still be friends despite all of this. I know that it must be… peculiar sometimes, but… Thank you, I truly appreciate it.”

“No need to thank me for that.”

She placed a hand on his forearm, and once, not so long ago, it would have made his heart grow warm. Now, he felt nothing. It felt like they had happened a lifetime ago, the days when he loved her.

He thought of you, behind him, and he tried not to picture you kissing that stranger, because then he…

He poured himself another whiskey, downed it again.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” she asked, raising up an eyebrow. “I haven’t seen you drinking so much since college!”

“Well, we’re celebrating, aren’t we?”

“Andy?”

“Hmm?”

He looked at her once more. Her and her dark hair, and her beautiful eyes, and the lips he thought he would spend the rest of his life kissing. How strange… now she let another man kiss them, and he wanted to kiss someone else… Their mouths didn’t belong together anymore. And Andrew then realised that he was okay with that. He wasn’t okay with how it had all happened, how it was still happening… but he couldn’t picture himself loving her again. He was looking at her, beautiful and perfect on paper… and all he could think of was you.

The music was loud, they had to raise their voices to be heard over the shallow beats. The chatter of the room Sam and Frank had rented for the special occasion was almost deafening. Andrew’s head was spinning a little, the alcohol kicking in. He still wanted another drink…

“Do you… do you hate me?”

He frowned, surprised by her question, by how direct it was too. She was a pro at circling an issue.

He thought for a moment, didn’t find an obvious answer.

When he thought of hate, he thought of that man with his hand on your body. He thought of Frank and the way he still made your heart bleed…

“Why are you asking this?” he asked back instead of answering.

“Because I… I know that the way we ended things was… messy. But I don’t want you to hate me. I… I still care about you, Andy, even if…”

“Even if you don’t love me anymore.”

It was becoming a little hard to remain standing, his world was spinning.

Were you still there with that guy? Would you… would you let him kiss you the way you had let Andrew do it in your office? God… would you be the one kissing him, the way you had kissed Andrew that night in your flat?

Samantha blinked, Andrew was puzzled as he noticed tears in her eyes.

“I think… a part of me is always going to love you, Andy.”

His eyes grew round in surprise. Was it working? Was their stupid, idiotic, foolish plan working? This was ridiculous…

… would you go back to loving Frank? Frank was a fucking dickhead…

“Do you ever wonder what could have been our lives if we had remained together?”

I wouldn’t have loved Y/N the way I do now…

And yet a couple of seconds later, he was changing his thought.

I would have fallen for her still… despite loving you…

“I used to,” he answered truthfully, stopping his answer before it would hurt her, but she insisted.

“And now?”

He was too drunk to lie. And if he were to be fully honest, he didn’t mind being rough, hurting her a little. He hated himself for the selfishness of it, but he answered earnestly anyway.

“Not anymore, no.”

“Really?”

“I… I don’t think of you like that anymore. I’ve moved on.”

She raised an eyebrow, but seemed unimpressed.

“Have you? So quickly?”

He shifted, uncomfortable. And he didn’t like being bitter, being too honest and being hurtful because of it, but… but you were flirting with another man, and Andrew was drinking too much tonight… And you were wearing that green dress, the one you had bought together, and he could picture you now, and he didn’t want Frank to see you in it and regret you, because he didn’t deserve it and… and you had bought that fucking dress for Frank… for Frank…

“I don’t love you anymore,” he said plainly, the flatness of his tone hurtful by itself. “Like I… I’m not in love with you. I… I want someone else.”

“Someone else?” she asked, and her voice was annoyed but he noticed the glimmer of a tear at the corner of her eyes.

She was hurt. But then again, she had been the one shattering his heart and his self-esteem, and his world, and the confidence he had taken so long to build…

He went on anyway.

“Yeah… I… we’re not dating or anything. But I… I like her. A lot.”

“Have you asked her out?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think she’d be interested. That’s okay. I don’t mind.”

No, he didn’t mind that you didn’t feel the same. You were a little too good for him anyway. Out of his league. You ought to deserve better…

“Now, that’s just your head saying dumb things,” she said, and even if her tone wasn’t kind, her words were reassuring.

“Maybe,” he shrugged.

“Andy… when are you going to understand that… You do deserve to be happy? That you are worthy of happiness too, huh?”

His next comment was unnecessary, but it felt good to tell the truth anyway.

“I had grown better at that while we were together. You breaking up with me to run off with someone else kind of destroyed that progress…”

He stopped resisting the urge to drink, reached for another whiskey, downed it in one gulp.

“I’m sorry, Andy. But we… weren’t right for each other.”

He wanted to argue, for the sake of it, to contradict her, but he was honest instead.

“I have to agree with that.”

He looked in your direction again, just a quick glance, just to check that you were alright. Frank was staring at you from afar too. That guy was leaning closer now, although you didn’t seem so willing to play along anymore. Andrew’s heart quickened, and soon it was pounding…

“Andy?”

“Hmm?” he asked back without looking at Samantha.

A sign… just one sign from you and he would come and make sure that guy would stand back…

Frank seemed to have read your body language as well, the bastard… he was walking over to you. Andrew closed his fists tightly, refraining from crossing the distance between you and him, from pushing that guy away, from telling Frank to fucking leave you alone because, Christ, you deserved so much better than him…

“Are you listening to me?”

Andrew almost jumped as Sam touched his arm again…

“What?”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, yeah… sorry, I was… lost in thought…”

“I was saying that I’m glad you and Y/N seem to get along. As you’re working together. I was worried when I learned she was Frank’s ex that it would make things awkward at your workplace.”

“We’re fine.”

I’ve fallen in love with her when I didn’t even think I was capable of loving anyone else after you…

“She seems nice,” she added, but her voice was weirdly flat.

“She is,” Andrew nodded, his heart fluttering as he talked of you. “She’s… she’s grand. She’s really nice, and… she’s a laugh, like… and very smart too.”

“Sounds like a catch.”

He didn’t answer, she didn’t seem to notice.

She was staring at you now too, while Frank had reached you and that stranger. He was talking with the guy, seemingly ignoring you, and even from afar Andrew could see that you were disappointed. The son of a bitch. He was pushing that guy away, without acknowledging you, he was making you feel terrible about yourself, Andrew could tell, and…

“I wonder what Frank saw in her.”

Andrew pondered on her question, and… God, he had so many things he saw in you. Your kindness, your wits, your passion for your work, your sense of humour, your smile, your eyes, the curve of your eyelashes, how fucking smart you were, your warmth, your voice, your way to scrunch up your nose a little when you were thinking, your anger, your talent, your…

… you, just… you…

But Frank? Did he see all that?

How could he have seen all of that, and still leave you?

The guy you had been talking to left, his drink in hand and a polite smile on his lips. Frank turned to you, got a conversation started. And Andrew wished he was right when he thought he could read in your expression that you were forcing yourself to look happy with his attention. Andrew didn’t believe in God, but he prayed still, silently, for you to see that Frank was not good enough for you, for you to long for his company instead… Christ, he hoped he was right when he read in the way you leaned away from Frank that you had changed your mind, that you didn’t want him to touch you the way he had just held your arm…

“Anyway, who’s the lucky woman you’ve spotted then? Do I know her?”

Andrew looked at Samantha, but he couldn’t hide the annoyance in his voice as he answered.

“I don’t really want to talk about that with you, honestly.”

“Right…”

Frank was taking a step closer to you, his hand inching for your waist…

Andrew was never one to pick up a fight, but he wanted to punch your ex in the face so bad…

“I feel a lot of resentment today, Andy…” Samantha said, trying to dissect his brain, the way she used to when they were together, but Andrew was not in the mood. “Did something happen?”

He let out a long exhale through his nose, refused to answer.

“You said you were ready to put all that happened behind us.”

He was about to argue, but he couldn’t. She was right. What a fucking fool he had been… to think that he should still want her after she broke what they had spent years building, for some random guy she had met a few weeks before. And then she was inviting him to her wedding, and he was there running back right into her arms? She was marrying Frank after knowing him for mere months when she had claimed not to be ready for marriage with Andrew when they had spent seven years together? She had not even agreed to move in with him… It seemed to hit him then, how much of a fool he had been, and the little self-esteem he had left finally took over to show him that he deserved better than to be treated like that. Anyone would deserve better. He was being an absolute fool. And you were too, you and your broken heart and he couldn’t do this anymore, he couldn’t pretend that all this was alright, that he didn’t want to kiss you…

He had one last question to ask, one last thought that was holding him back, one last answer he was too afraid to receive. He finally asked it.

“Frank left Y/N two weeks before you left me,” he started, the coldness of his tone unusual for him. “Did you sleep with him while we were together?”

Samantha blinked.

“Why are you asking me this?” she asked back, but Andrew didn’t back down, his hazel eyes turned into steel.

“Answer me. Did you sleep with Frank before you left me?”

She remained silent, and he knew what it meant.

He thought he would be hurt, and he was, but the main emotion that came rising in his chest, made his blood boil, blinded him for a moment, was hate. Rage and hate. A lethal combo…

He huffed, shook his head.

“I left right after, and it wasn’t planned… it happened once, and then I left, and it didn’t last… it’s not like I was having an affair.”

“Shut it!” Andrew hissed. “Just… shut up for once!”

Her eyes grew round. It was so unlike Andrew to use such a mean tone…

“Andy…”

“I can’t believe you did something like this to me…”

“You’re not perfect either, Andrew, don’t pretend…”

“Don’t pretend what?! That I was always faithful to you? That I loved you? That I wanted to spend my life with you when you dumped me for a guy you barely knew?!”

“And why do you think I did that?” she answered, with venom in her words, and Andrew hated himself for falling for it. He knew she was being mean, that he shouldn’t have believed her, but he was the one always doubting his own worth, he couldn’t help it… “I’m sorry, Andrew, but you weren’t perfect either. And the truth is, I wasn’t happy enough with you.”

The word enough echoed in his head, out of context, he applied it to himself. He could feel his brain starting to spiral… but he forced his gaze to remain on Samantha. His thoughts had turned to you, and he had to check…

“Did Frank cheat on Y/N too?”

“What does it matter to you…?”

“Just. Answer. The. Damn. Question,” he hissed through gritted teeth, struggling not to shout it instead.

She heaved a sigh, but answered still.

“No… no, he didn’t. The first time anything happened between us was three days before we two broke up. And Frank had already ended things with Y/N to be with me.”

Andrew heaved a sigh of relief.

“Thank God,” he breathed, running a hand through his hair, and Samantha frowned at his reaction.

“What does it matter to you?” she snapped.

“It matters to me that I’m glad her partner didn’t do this to her,” he replied, grabbing another drink.

“If you’re so angry at me, what are you doing here?”

Andrew bit the inside of his cheek to refrain his earnest answer.

Because Y/N needs me here.

“Honestly, I have no fucking clue…”

He downed yet another glass, walked away before Samantha could answer anything, and he headed towards the exit, fleeing the reception. He caught your eyes as he was passing not too far from you, refrained his urge to reach for you and hold you close, but his expression made you frown.

The cold air hit his cheeks, he realised he hadn’t picked up his jacket. The alcohol was getting to his head, the inky sky filled with stars was spinning above his head. He spotted an area with a few trees and a corner covered with grass. He aimed his feet in that direction, unstable, struggling to stay upright.

And you were still in there, with Frank, why fucking Frank, why him, why couldn’t you want…

“Andy?”

He turned around at the sound of your voice, almost falling in the process.

“You’re okay?” you asked while you walked closer, extending a hand to steady him if he needed.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he lied.

“Are you drunk?”

“A little bit,” he admitted, averting his eyes in a sheepish way.

“Do you want me to take you home? I didn’t drink at all tonight…”

But the image of Frank leaning closer, reaching for your waist flashed before his eyes. He clenched his jaw, opening and closing his fists repeatedly, not knowing what to do now with his own body, with his too-long limbs, with the knowledge that you too wanted Frank and not him. And Andrew hated that guy for taking everything he wanted away. For making Samantha leave him. For taking the life he thought he was going to build with her. But most importantly, for taking you away, even now… Andrew hated your ex for hurting you, for breaking your heart, and for being unable to let you go, for dragging you along with him, for keeping you dependent when he had someone else, and of course… of bloody course, Andrew had to fall for you, when you loved Frank.

What could you see in a guy like him? What did Andrew lack that made you unable to choose him instead of Frank?

He sat down in the grass, his brain swarming with thoughts that made him as dizzy as the liquor did.

“I think I’m… gonna stay here for a couple of minutes,” he answered, voice distant and words slurred by too much whiskey.

You sat down beside him.

“You’re okay?” you asked again, voice gentle, caring. Andrew wanted to cry at the sound, to hide in your arms and let it all out… his rage against Samantha, his jealousy against Frank, his love for you…

“Aren’t you supposed to be with Frank?” was his answer instead of yielding to his own wants and lean closer.

“You didn’t seem well.”

“I’m fine. This is your chance, it was working…”

He saw you clenching your jaw, even if there wasn’t much light around the venue. The parking lot was close by, with a few lampposts there. The moon was high and bright though, and through the windows of the venue behind the two of you, light was pouring into the night. It made for a dim lighting, but just enough for him to distinguish your features.

“I’d rather stay with you for a while,” you breathed, something pained and aching in your voice.

That fucking asshole… Andrew was certain Frank had hurt you somehow, said something wrong…

“I saw you talking with Samantha… what did she say?” you asked, changing subject and aiming straight for the sensitive one without knowing.

It was Andrew’s turn to clench his jaw. He didn’t say anything.

“What did she say?”

He shrugged, but you insisted, and he ended up yielding.

“She cheated on me with Frank.”

Your eyes grew round, and there was wrath shining in them too.

“He didn’t cheat on you,” Andrew hurried to add, wanting to alleviate your pain and worry, but your expression didn’t change. “It happened right after he broke up with you, but she hadn’t broken up with me yet… so technically…”

“What a fucking bitch…” you spat, and he was surprised by the harshness of your words, so much so that he giggled.

“Yeah, you can say that.”

“I’m so sorry, Andy,” you breathed, reaching to rub his back.

“It’s okay. I just… I just want to forget her now.”

You nodded but looked away.

“So… I’m losing my partner in crime for good?” you joked, but there was something strained in your voice, revealing of some kind of ache.

“I’ll still help you with Frank, that’s alright. If… if that’s what makes you happy…”

He froze when you leaned closed, rested your head on his shoulder. He reached out without thinking, the alcohol making him bolder than he usually was, and he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you in a tight hug. You remained like this for a couple of minutes, or perhaps a little longer than that, Andrew wasn’t sure. He was too drunk to notice the passing of time, he felt too warm holding you in his arms…

“Let’s get you home, Andy,” you broke the comfortable silence that had settled around you, broke his embrace to get up. You offered him your hand and helped him up, let him lean on you while you walked to your car.

And he wanted to tell you that he loved you, that he had for some time now. That he didn’t want Samantha anymore, only you. That he dreamt of you in his bedsheets, dreamt of what you would look like under him, dreamt of kissing your eyelashes. That he wanted to hold your hand, that he looked at you sometimes when you worked, in your shared office, because he just couldn’t help it. That you were beautiful, that he thought about you all the time, that he couldn’t eat at the thought of spending a moment with you. That he wanted to kiss you now, and forget about your exes, and take you on a nice date, whatever you would like.

He wanted to kiss you, but he didn’t.

[devonpink]

A Thanksgiving Story

Arrogant, ignorant, and stupid, no three words could better describe my dad. I didn't always see him like that, though. Growing up, we were best buds—I admired and looked up to him as a role model. I truly felt like I could tell him anything, I could trust him. So, you could imagine my shock when after coming out as gay to him, he turned on me. He ignited into a homophobic rage, disowning me as his son. He couldn't stand the sight of me. The unpleasant feeling was mutual and I moved out as quickly as possible.

For almost a decade, there was nothing but radio silence between us. Until one day, I randomly got an email from him, inviting me to a one-on-one Thanksgiving. I read it over and over, completely stunned. As mad and hurt as I still felt, I knew I'd regret not accepting his olive branch. So, I accepted.

A few days later, in the early afternoon of Thanksgiving, I drove over to my dad's place, my childhood home. As nervous as I was, driving up the old driveway and parking in my old spot felt good. As I stepped out of my car, I was reminded of how sweltering it was for November, even for Florida. As much as dressing up sounded fun, wearing a white tank top, dark tan loose shorts, and flip-flops only made sense. My balls would have melted in a pair of underwear, so I freeballed.

My heart was racing, as I flip-flopped to the front door. I was expecting the worst but hoping for the best. I could smell the turkey cooking through the front door as I knocked, its mouth-watering scent calming me slightly. A few seconds later, my dad opened the door. Unsurprisingly, he was exactly as I had left him: bulky beyond belief, obviously my leaving had no effect on his serious workout routine. Then again, maybe he exercised to escape the pain, I know I did that. He was wearing nearly the same thing, the only difference being his loose shorts were black. His pit stains were just as bad as mine—like father, like son, I guess. To my relief, his nervous expression pleasantly told me was just as anxious as I was.

Stepping inside, I got a good whiff of him as I passed him, that oh-so-familiar scent of cologne failing to mask the intense pit reek. The house, like my father's manly stench, was exactly how I'd remembered it, nothing had changed—it was nice. As my dad led me to the kitchen, with his back to me, I gave my hairy sweaty pits a sniff. They reeked, even worse than my dad's. Unlike him, I'd forgotten to put on deodorant or cologne. We both stunk, in slightly different ways, but that similarity was comforting—like father, like son.

I was expecting things to be insanely awkward, but it was like the good old days. We sat out on the porch, drinking beer and shooting the shit as we waited for the turkey to finish cooking on the barbecue. I forgot how much I loved talking with him, for an arrogant douch bag, he sure could make me laugh. Neither of us had brought up my leaving yet, I assume to not break the good flow we had going. In truth, I didn't want to bring it up. It felt good to pretend everything was as it was in the old days.

When the turkey was done, we brought it inside and gobbled it down like too starving beasts. Obviously, our nerves had calmed down quite a bit. Everything was fantastic, I forgot how good of a cook my dad is. We didn't say much to each other while eating, too distracted by our hunger to converse—like father, like son. Before we dove into dessert, he offered me another beer. As much as the pumpkin pie was calling my name, I couldn't decline.

Instead of the usual beer we were drinking, he brought a brand I'd never seen before, "Obedience." I didn't question why he only brought out a single can, I was too distracted by the pumpkin pie to care. I cracked it open and swigged it down, anxious to get to the pie. However, after I finished, I felt funny. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt different. I silently stared at my dad, watching an evil grin form across his face.

My dad spoke, dropping his nice-guy demeanor. "Now listen up, boy. It's time we finally get to the point of our happy reunion." My heart was racing, I knew something terrible was about to happen. Flashbacks of before I left flooded my mind. Strangely, as much as I wanted to move, I couldn't. My body was frozen like it was waiting for something. "Take another swig of your beer, down every last drop." What happened next shocked me to my core, my body moved on its own! It was like I was a bystander in my own body, only able to watch. I robotically brought the can up to my mouth and downed every last drop, doing exactly what he commanded. At that moment, I horrifily knew exactly why it was called, "Obedience," and why he only brought out a single can of it.

"Belch, boy. Like a man." My dad arrogantly commanded, knowing I'd helplessly comply.

"bbbbbbBBBBUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPpppppppppp!!!" Just as he commanded, the biggest manliest belch came out of me. I hated how good it felt to obey him, an obvious effect of the beer.

"Belch again, boy. Except this time, additionally, let out all that stress and worry. Also, uncross your legs and manspread! Sit like a man!" He commanded.

I wanted to resist but was helpless to his commands. "bbbbBBBBBBBuuuUUUUUUrrrPPPPPPPPPpppppp!!!" Like he commanded, all stress and worry had left my body. I then uncrossed my legs and manspreaded, just like my dad. Sitting that way felt so much better.

My dad laughed, like a cocky bastard. "Such a good and obedient son I have." I wanted to get up, scream, anything but just sit there. Except I couldn't move. No matter how hard I tried, I simply couldn't move. "Now, let's get to the good stuff," My dad excitedly proclaimed, unnerving me even more. "Let out all the useless liberalism! Become a rigid conservative, just like dear old dad! Like father, like son! Belch, boy!"

I tried as hard as I could to keep it down, but it was useless. "BBBBBBUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPpppppppp!!!! With that, all liberalism and open-mindedness had left me. My mind was assaulted and reprogrammed to believe all sorts of small-minded conservative ideas and beliefs. It was overwhelming, yet electrifying. With conservatism comes stupidity, so my mind had become completely moldable, exactly what he wanted.

"Real men vote red, don't they, boy?" My dad asked, every word dripping with superiority.

"Sir, yes, Sir! Real men Vote-BBBBBBBbbbuuurrrrPPPPPPPPpppp!!!" Before I could finish, another manly burp escaped from me, making my dad bust out laughing. I couldn't help but laugh too, being more stupider now. It felt good to make my dad laugh. I felt like… a good son.

"Now, before we continue, I want to make sure you have no remaining resistance. So, let it all out! Give yourself to me completely! Belch, boy!" My dad commanded.

"BbbbbuuuuuuuUUUUUURRRRPPPPppppppp!" I did as he commanded, like a good son. It felt good, right, to obey him. Why would I want to resist him? He's my dad! He made me, I must obey him!

My dad was grinning like a king, as he should. "Belch again, boy! Belch as loud as you can!"

"BBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!" I was more than happy to obey.

"Fuck yeah, son! You sound just like your old man!" My dad enthusiastically congratulated me.

Having him praise me felt good, so fucking good. More, I wanted so much more!

My dad then got serious, obviously, this next one would be important. "Belch, boy, and erase all gayness from yourself. Become the straight man I've always wanted you to be! No man wants a faggot for a son! Blech, boy! Belch and become straight!!!"

"BBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!" Like a good son, I obeyed. "BBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!" And just like that, all my gayness was gone. I'm now as straight as a freshly bought nail. I like women, only women, like a normal man. Who'd want to be fag, anyway? Fags are sick freaks!! Thank god I'm not one of them anymore. Thank god I'm straight, just like my dad! Like father, like son!

We celebrated my much-needed transformation over two massive slices of pumpkin pie. Afterward, we returned to the porch and smoked cigars, some of his finest. I feel so much better now that I'm following in my dad's footsteps. I want to be exactly like him, in every single way. I want to be completely interchangeable with him. He gave me a matching pair of sunglasses and a red cap, to protect me from the blistering sun. I obviously wore my cap backward to match him. I'm so thankful for my dad. Without him, I'd be lost.

[httpstes]

Synastry observations/thoughts ll┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

(Overlays)

ღ Venus/Moon overlaying 4H

The familiar placement.

When ones Venus/Moon overlays your 4H there is a mutual level of comfortability between the two. Either partner in the relationship (or both) felt a strong almost familial connection to the other. This doesn’t mean you necessarily see each other as family but rather you both enjoy the others presence due to the fact there’s no need to hide your true selves, knowing you won’t be judged.

When I see this overlay between two people, I just know that there is an unbreakable bond, one that no one else can necessarily understand unless they were you. Whether the relationship between the person you share this overlay with is a positive one or not, this placement definitely can tell me that it’s hard to not see this person in your life, it’s hard to imagine a life without them, or that it’s hard to forget them after everything. The bond two individuals with this overlay have is remarkable. Both in good and bad, there is always a need to just have them there in your life. They’re the person that you can come back home to, the person you can call after several weeks of not being in contact, and nothing changes. No matter how far away these individuals may be from each other, or how many years it’s been, there is always some tie held between them, and when they reunite it feels as though everything has fallen back into place.

This connection can be traumatic for some, and even in those cases, you will always find yourself looking back to the moments you shared with them simply because of how much of an impact they had on you as an individual. You cant imagine how life would be without them storming into your life, because that reality doesn’t exist. They’re presence is familiar to you, you don’t have to act or be someone else, you can be your authentic self without question, and because of that comfortability, you will always find yourself being drawn back.

ღMars/Jupiter overlaying 3H/9H

Dual pursuit for academic/spiritual enlightenment

Mars overlaying the 3H can go 1 of two ways. The mars person may be attracted to the 3H person due to the 3H person's intellect, the way they communicate, their opinions and ideas etc. The Mars person may even feel energised by the way the 3H person expressed their thoughts and beliefs. Mars could believe they are extremely articulate and eloquent in the way they speak and or write but in such a way that is passionate and adrenaline-inducing for them. The 3H person here could find inspiration through the Mars person, especially if it comes to creative works (writing, art, poems, music singing etc), if not creatively then the Mars person could make the 3H individual feel more energised to get work done and to be as driven towards their goals as the ambitious mars individual. The second way this could go could actually be more of a competitive dynamic. I’ve noticed a lot of siblings have this overlay, as well as those who academically compete with their friend. This overlay definitely brings the raw competitive nature of our psyche out, and so these two individuals could get involved in heated arguments, debates often times their differing opinions and personal stances being the root and cause. The Mars person here could instead of inspiring, incite negative feelings from the 3H individual, as the 3rd houser could feel attacked by the Martian. Even if it’s not the Mars persons intention they may come off a bit too passionate for the 3rd house. The Martian could think that the 3rd houser is too all over the place and possibly too open-minded. The Mars person could view the 3rd house individual as a person with no backbone, no solidified opinions or stances (this could be especially true if it’s regarding religion of politics). This obviously could create tension in the relationship as the fierce Mars is loyal and knows where they stand in their opinions and beliefs whilst the 3H likes to wait for more lingering information to come to light.

Jupiter overlaying an individuals 9H illustrates a relationship focused on mutual growth, shared experience and understanding. Jupiter is at home in the 9th house as it’s co ruled by Sagittarius and Pisces, this allows for individuals to have a more easier connection when it comes to understanding deeper topics such as spirituality, philosophy, religion. This overlay allows for two individuals to explore and understand more difficult topics together. Most importantly it’s a placement that shows mutual learning and pursuit for experience therefore asking questions is met with acceptance regardless if the topic or question is absurd. The 9th house individual could be attracted to the optimism and faith held so strongly by the Jupiter person. This optimism is very much welcomed by the 9th house individual and can even help them when in times of doubt for pursuing something that may seem grandiose. Jupiter IS grandiose and they admire the vision or works of the 9th house individual and want to be apart of it. This pairing has the potential to work very well together in academic settings, religious or political settings. This is due to the patience and acceptance held by both parties as well as the insatiable hunger for wisdom in pursuit of truth.

ღNorth Node overlaying 12th house/8th house/4th house (water houses)

North Node overlaying any one of the water houses holds a deep profound sense of emotional connection and possible past karmic ties.

North node overlaying the 12th house indicates a mutual belief that both people feel spiritually connected to the other. This is something I've noticed in synastry and composite charts amongst best friends and lovers alike. Even if separated and no longer together, both individuals may still yearn for the same connection that somewhat felt fated, beyond our world's understanding. This connection definitely is giving platonic/romantic soulmates. On the downside, both individuals could be keeping secrets from the other, particularly the 12th house person and this can lead to a lot of miscommunication and lies. Even if the 12th house person doesn't mean it there could be this mutual understanding that the other just knows what they're feeling, however of course this doesn't play out that way all the time and can lead to strong pent-up feelings (most of the time negative) if not communicated healthily. This pair can often dream about the other and even connect in the dream realm, further pushing the belief that their connection is out of this world. I've also noticed at the beginning of the connection of this pair that there is somewhat of an addictive pull or obsessive tendency to hang out together all the time, but once this honeymoon phase ends it settles into something comfortable where now you don't have to be together all the time. There is a magnet pull here and even if you don't come into contact again (likely you both do) there is this sense of yearning for the other, even if the connection is unstable or toxic. With South Node overlaying the 6th house in a past connection/past life connection, both could have definitely been coworkers, or even a duo working hard to give their services for the benefit of others. The 6H-NN synastry shows mutual hardship and understanding for operating in a similar line of work. Both may have had to give themselves up for a greater cause and not focus much on their connection. Of course, they are bonded by mutual respect and compassion for what both work for/deal with. However, they are pushed now/this current life to focus more on themselves and their connection. As in the past/previous life,e much of their time was spent giving to others, now however they are able to learn to give back to themselves. This moves away from the service-oriented 6H to the isolated 12H. Both past and current have themes surrounding healing, just in different ways.

North Node overlaying the 8th house is still just as deep as the other houses but with less focus on the spiritual otherworldly connection. This is a synastry involving possible codependence and ties to finances depending on the other. In some cases, I've noticed one individual in this pair tends to lend their material items (whether it be money, clothes, food etc) to the other, and negative is not reciprocated. However, I've also seen where shared resources are reciprocated but I've seen this in healthier dynamics. In this connection the 8th house person may also confide a lot in the North Node individual, the NN being somewhat of a therapist lol. However, I've noticed the NN individual does not mind being vented to or helping the 8H person with their troubles and or trauma as it allows them to better understand the 8H individual and deepen the connection. NN individuals may want to learn everything they can about the 8H person. Both individuals may feel they just understand each other and don't feel the need to justify their actions. The 8H individual may have troubles with intimacy physically and or emotionally. They might struggle with opening up to others and letting their guard down. The NN individual may be one of the first to break down these barriers or allow the 8H person to heal through them. The North Node person however may be inclined to some kind of awakening (spiritual, psychological, physical etc), they are likely to be inspired by the 8H person's depth and life experience that they themselves transform and shift. With South Node in the 2nd house, much more of the financial dependence comes into play in the past/past life, themes surrounding taking the other's resources and depending on the other heavily show up. In a past connection, the 2nd house individual felt their confidence is somewhat dependent on the SN individual opinions/ideas, their self-esteem may have needed to be validated by the SN individual and this could have pressured the SN person to feel as though they're responsible for 2H individual's confidence. Both may have been deeply connected through shared values and morals, this factor being integral to their connection. With this in mind (SN-Past), they are now ready to move on and explore the depths of connection (8H) and away from the already established morals and material pursuit (2H).

North Node overlaying the 4H is somewhat similar to the Venus/moon overlaying the 4H in my opinion. This connection doesn't necessarily have to be a familial connection however that trust and bond that occurs with those you have familial connections to comes naturally with these two individuals. This is an overlay where both individuals feel very safe, especially the 4th house individual. They may feel unjudged, cared for, and nurtured by the NN individual. The house person could feel they have found a home with the other individual, however, this sentiment can go both ways. NN could remind the 4H individual of their own mother, or the mother they would've wanted. Even if it's not reminiscent of motherly love there is nurturing energy the NN exudes that allows for the 4H person to rest and feel at ease. With the South node in the 10th house, in childhood/past life, the 10H person could've been a mentor, a parent, or even a close colleague who gained a lot of respect and admiration from the SN individual. Upon first meeting, both individuals could view each other naturally on an equal level playing field, based on respect for the other.

ღAll my notes are personal observations and thoughts. I am not a professional astrologer and like to have a sense of whimsy in my life by looking at peoples charts, thankyou.

Went on a tangent during the NN/SN dynamics myb yall forgive me 🙏. Finally freed of the shackles high school had held me in. Free to do wtv now I'm back (still will post irregularly lol)

[didyoulookforme]

though i wish i could

you and matty decide to help each other out. because that's obviously what best friends do. slightly based on letter T of the nsfw alphabet

7.7k words

warning: 18+, smut, smoking. grammatical errors, typos.

other bf matty blurbs & rambles here.

-----

it was one of those nights—the kind where matty showed up unannounced, a cigarette tucked behind his ear and some super genius plan to pass the evening. maybe it’d be a god awful movie, maybe a record you’d practically worn out together. it didn’t matter. it never did. it was familiar, easy, predictable. best friend stuff—or at least that’s what you told yourself.

except best friends don’t usually lie on your lap with their head resting softly as you run your fingers through their wild, curly hair. they don’t absentmindedly toy with the rings on your hand like they’re trying to memorize the way they feel. and they certainly don’t slip a casual “baby” into every other sentence, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. no, that’s not normal best friend behavior. but this was matty. he was different. always had been.

you’ve convinced yourself that this is just how the two of you are. how you’ve always been—so close you know each other inside and out, with almost no boundaries left to cross. so, what’s wrong with placing a half-finished joint between his lips while his eyes pierce into yours like he’s searching for something you’re not sure you want him to find?

because, after all, he was just your best friend. nothing more.

right?

-----

so there you were—half-baked on the floor of your living room, matty’s head resting on your legs like it belonged there. he’d just come back from tour, and, let’s be honest, keeping you two apart afterward was practically impossible. no matter how long he’d been gone, the second you were together again, it was like no time had passed.

not that it didn’t absolutely wreck you when he was away. facetime calls and texts were fine, sure, but they weren’t him. they weren’t his stupid laugh echoing through your tiny flat, or the way he’d complain about your snack choices while demolishing half the bag anyway. having him here again, sprawled out on your carpet like he’d been there all along, felt… right. comfortable.

you missed him more than you’d ever dare admit, so this—him, a joint lazily passing between you, his voice weaving into the crackle of the record spinning nearby—felt like something you didn’t want to let go of. he felt like home… within your home...? something like that. whatever it was, you were maybe too stoned to overanalyze it right now.

his hair was different since the last time you’d seen him in the flesh. it had that purposeful, messy-but-not-really look—soft curls held in place with just enough gel to make him seem like a bad boy who’d totally just rolled out of bed. you’d seen it for the first time on twitter when a photo of him mid-concert popped up on your feed. it took exactly three seconds before you were calling him, demanding why he’d chosen to ruin your life with the audacity of that look.

“thought you’d like it,” he’d said, all smug.

and you did. of course, you fucking did.

your fingers slid through those same curls now, twirling a strand here, tucking another behind his ear. his eyes fluttered shut as he let out a soft hum. that stupid, crooked smile of his practically begged for it. you knew this was the kind of thing you only let yourself do when you were high—or drunk, or tipsy enough. it was the only time your guard dropped enough to touch him like this. 

and then there were his lips. moving. saying something. but you weren’t listening. you were too busy internally freaking out because, only a few days ago, you’d finally admitted to yourself that maybe—just maybe—you didn’t see him as just a friend. that perhaps you lo—

“hey, so… i found your arsenal of vibrators earlier today.”

and just like that, you were yanked back into reality.

“for fuck’s sake, matthew. you can’t just say that.”

“not my fault you keep your weed and sex life in the same drawer.” his grin was unholy. “kind of asking for it.”

your hand instinctively tugged his hair in protest, earning a wince and a laugh from him. “stop that!”

“stop what? speaking the truth?”

you groaned, already regretting letting him in your apartment. well, maybe not, but still. “i can’t believe you went snooping.”

“wasn’t snooping. was looking for weed and happened to find your box.”

you tried to glare at him, but it lasted all of two seconds before you cracked, laughing despite yourself. you hid your face in your hands again, groaning. “god, you probably saw the new one too, didn’t you?”

“oh, you mean the one that looks like it was designed by an aerospace engineer?” you could practically hear the smirk in his voice. “yeah. terrifying, honestly. but also, kind of impressive. good for you, babe.”

“kill me now.” you slumped back against the couch, mortified.

“why? better me finding it than someone else, right?” he tilted his head back against your legs, looking up at you.

“okay, sure,” you said, trying for nonchalance, “but ‘arsenal’? really? it’s a perfectly normal amount.”

he snorted. “baby, there are at least seventeen in there. and in all shapes, sizes, colors—hell, i’m pretty sure one of them was glowing.”

“first of all, it’s not glowing—it’s neon,” you corrected, crossing your arms over your chest. “and second, so what if i enjoy options?”

“options, huh? right. i’ll keep that in mind,” he took a slow drag from the joint, cheeks hollowing in a way that made you forget why you were mad for half a second.

it was infuriating, really. matty, who was usually sweet and soft-spoken, had an alarming tendency to let loose when he was high. most of the time, it was harmless. occasionally, though, he’d push his luck. like tonight, apparently. maybe this was payback for the years you’d spent grilling him about his girlfriends you’ve never liked.

you sighed, leaning back against the couch as he passed the blunt back to you, his eyes never leaving yours. and even though he’d just embarrassed the hell out of you, you couldn’t help but smile.

“so, how often do you even use them?” the question came out easy, casual, like it was no big deal to pry into the most intimate corners of your life. typical best friend behaviour, sure.

“what, you want an exact schedule? why?”

“just curious. purely educational. broadening my horizons.”

you rolled your eyes, the spliff perched loosely between your fingers as you handed it back to him. “couple times a week. three if it’s been a particularly boring stretch. maybe more if i’m in the mood.”

he exhaled a slow stream of smoke, staring up at the ceiling like he’d just solved the world’s greatest mystery. “three times a week,” he repeated, his lips twitching. “that’s… respectable. consistent.”

“you’re such a dick.” you laughed, swatting at his arm. “and you?”

he hesitated as he scratched the back of his neck. “uh… couple times a week too, i guess. but it’s tricky on tour, y’know? not a lot of privacy when you’re sharing a bus with others.”

you raised a brow, the corner of your mouth tugging up. “oh my god, you’ve been walked in on, haven’t you?”

and his cheeks flushed instantly, a deep, satisfying pink. “hann.”

that was it—you were gone, full-on laughing, your body shaking so hard you nearly toppled over. the weed didn’t do you any favours. “hann? no way. what did he do?”

“just… stared,” he groaned, covering his face with one hand. “and then, after a solid five seconds of the most soul-crushing silence, he goes, ‘at least close the door next time, mate.’”

“poor adam. scarred for life.”

“poor me,” he countered, but his voice was softer this time, the kind that slid under your skin and lingered. your fingers found his curls again, and he didn’t protest, just let you touch him like it was something that was meant to happen. the air around you shifted, heavier somehow, the haze of smoke thickening it.

you weren’t sure who moved first, but his head turned slightly, his cheek pressing against your thigh, and suddenly you were all too aware of every point of contact between you. his curls against your hand, the warmth radiating from him, the way your own body was buzzing, humming with something you still didn’t want to name. you adjusted your position, trying to ease the growing ache low in your stomach, but it didn’t help. not when he was right there.

“when’s the last time you had sex?” the words tumbled out before you could stop them, and you instantly regretted it. your voice sounded too curious, like you actually cared about the answer. which, of course, you did, you just didn’t want him to know.

he laughed, a short, sad sound. “been months.”

that caught you off guard. “really? but you’re matty.”

“yeah, and?” he looked up at you, his eyes almost amused. “what, you think i’m shagging my way through the world or something?”

“kinda,” you admitted with a shrug. “i mean, isn’t that, like, part of the job?”

“not really my thing,” his voice was quieter now. “done it a couple times, but… i don’t know. feels a bit shit after. not worth it.”

you didn’t know what to say to that, so you didn’t say anything, just let your fingers keep moving over his scalp. he reached for your hand after a moment, his thumb brushing over the rings you wore. it was a small, mindless gesture, but it made your chest tighten all the same.

“what about you?” he asked finally, his voice so soft it was almost a whisper.

“a few months ago,” you murmured, your eyes fixed on where his hand held yours. “with my ex.”

he nodded, his thumb still tracing the curve of your ring. “sorry. about him.”

“don’t be,” you said quickly, trying to push past the lump in your throat. “i’m better off.”

he didn’t respond, just gave you a faint smile that said he understood in a way words couldn’t. the silence stretched between you again, the static of the record the only sound. his fingers kept brushing over your hand, and every now and then you caught him shifting, adjusting his position on the floor.

you stared at him for a long moment, your mind racing, the words forming before you could stop them. “you ever think maybe…”

he turned his head slightly, “maybe what?”

“maybe we could, i don’t know…” you hesitated, your pulse thundering so loudly in your ears it almost drowned out your voice. “help each other out. just… take the edge off.”

he froze, mid-drag. his brows furrowed, his eyes sharp even through the haze of smoke. “you’re fucking with me now.”

“i’m not,” you said, surprising yourself with how steady your voice came out. “just think about it. no big deal. two friends helping each other out.”

“you’re actually joking.” his voice cracked on the last word, which would’ve been funny if your heart wasn’t beating so fast.

“i’m not,” you leaned back, feigning nonchalance as your heart clawed its way into your throat. “we’re both adults. both single. both… frustrated.”

“frustrated,” he repeated, the word hanging heavy in the air. “and this is your solution?”

“it’s a solution,” you shot back, narrowing your eyes slightly. “what, you’ve got a better idea?”

he laughed, but it wasn’t his usual easy, warm laugh. this one was stilted, like he wasn’t sure if he found this funny or terrifying. “this feels like some teenage bullshit, honestly. like, next you’re gonna ask me to pinky swear it won’t ruin our friendship.”

“oh, grow up,” you muttered, rolling your eyes. “it’s not that deep.”

but it was. at least for you. the idea had been sitting at the edge of your mind for months, years now, clawing its way forward every time he looked at you with those big, earnest eyes that made your chest feel too tight. maybe it was the weed, or the way he was looking at you now, like you’d just flipped his world upside down, but for the first time, the thought slipped out into the open.

“you’re not worried it’ll get weird?” 

“doesn’t have to,” you said, your heart still jackhammering with every syllable. “it’s just… an itch to scratch. no strings. no awkward aftermath. unless, you know, you’re not into it.”

he scoffed, sitting up and resting his elbows on his knees. “don’t put this on me. you’re the one who started it.”

“and i’ll end it if you want,” you said quickly, your pulse racing as he turned his head to look at you. “just say the word.”

but he didn’t say the word. he just stared at you, his gaze softer now, less sharp but still so him. like he was trying to figure out if you were serious—or maybe if he was.

“i don’t know,” he muttered finally, sitting back against the couch now. “this is… fucking mental.”

“you’re overthinking it,” you forced a small smile. “like you always do.”

“and you’re underthinking it,” he shot back with no real heat. “like you always do.”

“that’s why we’re friends, isn’t it?” you smirked, though the weight in your chest wouldn’t let you inhale properly. “we balance each other out.”

he let out a feeble laugh, his head tipping back against the sofa, exposing the curve of his neck. your fingers itched to touch him again, but this time with the excuse of… what, exactly? this favour you’d just proposed? it sounded ridiculous when he said it, but deep down, part of you wondered if you’d suggested it for more than just convenience. part of you wondered if it was because you’d always wanted to be his, but you’d never been brave enough to find out if he wanted the same.

“you’re sure about this?” his voice cut through your thoughts, softer now but still laced with that edge of uncertainty. “like, really sure?”

“yeah,” you said, even though you weren’t entirely sure of anything anymore. “are you?”

he didn’t answer right away, just took a long drag and stared at the ceiling like it might have some hidden wisdom to offer. “fuck,” he muttered, finally exhaling. “yeah, okay. fine. let’s do it.”

you blinked, caught off guard by how quickly the air shifted between you. “wait, really?”

“don’t make me say it again,” he muttered, though there was a faint smile tugging at his lips now. “but, like… no weird shit tomorrow, okay?”

“no weird shit tomorrow,” you promised, though the words felt hollow even as you said them. the truth was, everything about this already felt weird. not bad weird—just… heavy. 

“good,” he took another hit, holding it for a moment before passing it to you. “so… how do we start this?”

you took the joint from him, your fingers brushing his as you brought it to your lips. the air felt too warm, the space between you now way too small. “i don’t know,” you exhaled slowly. “you’re the one with all the bright ideas.”

“oh, i’m the one with bright ideas?” he let out a low laugh, shaking his head. “this was your idea, babe.”

you rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help the way your lips twitched. “fine. guess we’ll just have to wing it.”

he smiled then, that small, weird smile that always made your chest ache. “wing it, huh? sounds about right for us.”

the tension hung heavy between, your gaze flicking to his lips before darting away. his hand brushed your knee, a casual, almost thoughtless gesture, but it made you freeze in place. your lungs pounded in your chest as you passed the joint back to him, your fingertips trembling slightly.

“just… promise me one thing,” he said finally, his voice almost hesitant.

“what’s that?” your own barely above a whisper.

“promise me this won’t mess us up.” he wasn’t looking at you now, his gaze fixed on the blunt as he turned it over in his fingers. “because i… i don’t want to lose this. lose us.”

your chest tightened, the weight of his words settling over you. “we won’t,” you said, the lie slipping out easily, even though you weren’t sure if you believed it. “we’re too stubborn for that.”

he laughed softly, a small, insecure sound that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “yeah. too stubborn.”

-----

the two of you ended up in your bedroom. you weren’t entirely sure how you’d gotten here—well, you did, technically, but the reality of it was still setting in. your pants had been the first to go, leaving you in a baby tee and a thong that felt absurdly small given the circumstances. no bra, of course. matty had tugged his shirt off with practiced ease, but you caught the slight hesitation in his movements, the tension coiled in his shoulders.

and now here you were, lying side by side, your heads level on the pillows. the rules you’d managed to set earlier echoing in your mind: no getting completely naked, no penetrative sex, no kissing on the mouth. the essentials of staying detached, you’d thought, though the warmth radiating from his body told you this was anything but.

his face was so close, just inches away, his gaze darting between yours and the ceiling like he wasn’t sure where to settle. your own focus wandered, tracing the line of his jaw, the faint scruff dotting his chin, the steady rise and fall of his chest. everything about him felt sharp and tangible, and the haze of being high didn’t soften it nearly enough.

you reached out before you could overthink it, your fingers slipping into his hair the way they had so many times that night. he let out a quiet breath, his eyes fluttering closed almost immediately. the sound sent a thrill down your limbs, and you let your touch drift lower, tracing the back of his neck.

“you like that?” it felt like a stupid question. he always leaned into your touch. still, tonight you needed his confirmation.

his nod was small, almost imperceptible.

you lingered there, your thumb grazing his skin in slow, deliberate circles. you could feel how stiff he was, the way his body held itself just a little too still. “you’re nervous,” you murmured. it wasn’t accusatory—just an observation.

his lips curved into the faintest, self-deprecating smile. “yeah. a bit.”

“we don’t have to do this,” your voice low and steady. “i mean it, matty. say the word, and we’ll stop.”

his eyes stayed shut a moment longer before he opened them, looking at you like he was trying to make up his mind. “no, i—” he paused, licking his lips. “just… need a second to get out of my head.”

you smiled softly, your thumb skimming along his jaw as you gave him the time he needed. silence filled the space between you, but you didn’t let go, your fingertips tracing his face like you were committing it to memory for the first time. the slight arch of his brows, the slope of his nose, the hollow of his cheek—everything that had always been familiar but somehow felt brand new at this second.

when your thumb brushed over his lips, his eyes met yours again, darker now but still impossibly tender. he caught your hand in his, his fingers wrapping loosely around yours, and pressed a light kiss to your knuckles. it was fleeting, barely there, but it sent a spark to your toes.

“what about you? what do you like?”

the question made your stomach flip, and you laughed nervously, biting your lip. “you’re gonna make me spell it out?”

“maybe.” there was something behind his voice—something tentative, like he didn’t quite trust himself. “just… help me out here.”

“okay, okay,” you said, your laughter fading into something quieter. you guided his hand to your side, just below your ribs. “like this, start here.”

his palm settled on your skin, warm and solid, his fingers spreading wide as if trying to feel every inch of you at once. his thumb traced the curve of your ribs, slow and tentative, and your breath hitched as your body leaned into him without a thought in your brain.

“like that?” 

you nodded, your head sinking deeper into the pillow as you let out a shaky laugh. “yeah. like that.”

his touch stayed light, his hand moving in lazy, meandering paths along your side. when his fingers skimmed your spine, your body arched slightly, the sensation making you shiver. the room was impossibly still, save for the sound of your gasping. you let yourself sink into the feeling, your eyes closing as his hand pressed firmer, the heat of him searing into your skin.

your own touch moved instinctively, sliding from the nape of his neck to his chest, your fingertips tracing the familiar lines of his tattoo. you paused at the heart inked over his skin, following its shape carefully, reverently, like it might crack under too much pressure. “this one’s always been my favourite,” you murmured, almost shy. you weren’t sure if it was okay to admit it out loud. 

his lips twitched into a faint smile, a quiet laugh escaping him. “you were there when i got it. squeezed your hand so hard i thought i’d break it.”

“you were being a baby about it,” you teased, though the memory made you grin. “all that whining over a needle.”

“so what? it hurt like hell.”

“mmhmm. sure it did.”

your hand wandered lower, brushing over the ridges of his stomach, the faint trail of hair leading down from his navel. his muscles tightened under your touch, and then—god—he let out the softest moan, barely audible but enough to make your heart ache.

your fingers stilled for just a moment before your gaze flicked up to his face. his eyes were closed, his jaw tight, his mouth slightly open like he was trying to hold himself steady. his hand came up suddenly, catching yours. for a second, you thought he was going to stop you, but instead, he guided your arm around him, pulling you closer until your chest pressed against his. his face buried itself in the curve of your neck, his breath warm against your skin, and you could feel every exhale ripple through you.

“matty,” you whispered, unsure of what you even wanted to say. your fingers curled instinctively into his back, your nails dragging lightly against his skin. goosebumps rose under your touch, the realization that you’d done that sending your head spinning.

then his lips grazed your collarbone—barely, just the faintest hint of a kiss. it felt more like a question than an answer, but it shattered something inside you all the same. he kissed you again, and again, his mouth moving along the slope of your shoulder, each one feather-light yet impossible to ignore. your head fell back against the pillow, a satisfied sound escaping your throat—not quite a moan, but damn close.

his name hovered on your tongue, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it again. not yet. your body moved on instinct instead, your leg sliding over his until you were tangled together, the press of him against you making it nearly impossible to concentrate. 

“you’re—” his voice was rough, muffled against your skin as his lips kept moving. “you’re making it really fucking hard to stick to the stupid rules right now.”

“you’re one to talk,” your voice coming out breathless as your hand slid back into his hair. “you’re the one kissing me.”

“not on the mouth,” he countered, his lips brushing the curve of your shoulder. “that was the rule, wasn’t it?”

“semantics,” and you gasped as his teeth grazed your skin, light but sharp enough to send a shockwave through you.

whatever restraint had been holding the two of you back started slipping, unraveling faster than you could catch it. his hands roamed now—your waist, your ribs, your hips—like he couldn’t decide where to stop. your body arched into him, you gasped rapidly, your skin tingling with every touch. it was like stepping into some unspoken, forbidden space, a place neither of you could—or wanted to—leave.

his palm slid lower, curving over your ass, his fingers squeezing lightly at first, testing. the moment they dug in, the air caught in your lungs, your body going rigid for just a second. he halted immediately, his hand retreating like he’d been burned.

“shit, ’m sorry. i—”

“don’t stop,” you interrupted, your voice trembling but sure. you shifted closer, your leg brushing against his thigh as you said it again. “don’t stop. please.”

he didn’t need any more convincing. his hand was back, firmer this time, gripping and kneading, his touch bolder now that he knew it wouldn’t scare you off. you felt his thumb hook under the waistband of your thong, tugging it just enough to stretch, then letting it snap back into place. it was nothing, really, but the deliberate tease of it—the knowledge of how close he was—drew a low moan from you before you could stop it.

“fuck.” his hips pressed forward against you, seeking something, anything, to take the edge off. the weight of him, even through his pants, made your head spin, the haze of your high amplifying every sensation until it felt like you might float right out of your body. his hips moved again, slower this time, but there was no mistaking his intent—the pressure of him, hard and insistent against your hip, set every inch of you alight.

you shifted, needing something to hold onto, and your hands found their way to his neck. you tugged gently, drawing his face closer until your lips were grazing the curve of his throat. you kissed him there, gentle against his skin. his jaw tensed beneath your lips, and you couldn’t help but smile as you worked your way up, your mouth brushing over his ear.

“remember when you told me you liked this?” your lips caught the lobe, your teeth grazing it lightly before you sucked it into your mouth.

and that’s when he completely lost it.

his grunt was low and guttural and his hips jerked forward sharply, grinding against you. his hand tightened on your ass, fingers digging in hard enough to promise bruises tomorrow. you couldn’t bring yourself to care—not when his other hand was sliding up your side, his fingers gripping your ribs like he was trying to steady himself. 

“fuck,” he rasped, his head dropping forward, his forehead pressing into your shoulder. “you’re—shit, you’re gonna kill me.”

“you’re the one grinding on me,” you shot back, though your voice was only a whisper. you slid your leg over his again, hooking it around his hip to pull him closer. the movement dragged a sharp gasp from him, the sound muffled against your skin, and the way he reacted—like he couldn’t get enough of you—made you grateful for suggesting this precarious idea in the first place.

his hips moved faster now as he pressed against you through the rough fabric of his jeans. it wasn’t enough—not for him, not for you—but the friction was good, so good, and you felt yourself arching into him, your body moving on instinct.

you tilted your head back, gasping as his lips found your collarbone again, his mouth soft and hot as he kissed his way down to the curve of your shoulder. his breath was ragged, uneven, brushing against your skin in bursts as he muttered something you couldn’t quite make out. you wanted to ask, but then his teeth grazed your skin and everything in you short-circuited.

“matty,” his name slipping out like a prayer. you weren’t sure what you wanted—his mouth, his hands, all of him—but you knew you needed more. your hand moved to his wrist, guiding it upward. you pressed his palm against your breast, the thin fabric of your tee doing little to mask the heat of him.

his hips stiled for a moment as he stared down at where his hand was now. “fuck me,” his voice trembled as his thumb brushed over you experimentally. his gaze flicked up to yours, his eyes dark and glassy, lips parted slightly. “you are gonna be the death of me, baby.”

you let out a faint laugh, your hand still resting over his, encouraging him to move. “then stop overthinking and touch me.”

he didn’t need to be told twice. his hand squeezed gently, his thumb circling over your nipple through your shirt, and the feeling—his hand, his touch, the way he was looking at you like you were something to be worshipped—made you start coming undone. he let out a nervous laugh, the sound shaky and uncertain. “jesus, you’re—”

“you talk too much,” you muttered, pulling him back down to you, your lips brushing over the shell of his ear. the tension between you was unbearable now. a thread pulled so tight it could snap at any given moment. 

his hand squeezed your breast as his head dipped lower, his lips brushing over your throat, slow and deliberate, like he had all the time in the world to learn your body. the heat of his breath sent goosebumps racing across your skin, and by the time his mouth found its way down to your chest, you were already aching for him.

he paused, hovering just above your nipple, his face half-hidden by your shirt as his eyes flicked up to meet yours. “can i?” he was barely holding himself together.

you nodded, biting your lip, your fingers slipping into his hair to pull him closer. “please.”

the second his mouth closed over you, even through the thin fabric of your shirt, your back arched, a soft gasp slipping out before you could stop it. his lips worked slowly, testing you, his tongue brushing over your nipple before his teeth bit lightly.

“fuck, matty. that—feels so good.”

“yeah?” he murmured, his lips curving into a faint smirk before he moved to your other breast. he sucked harder this time, his teeth catching just enough to make you gasp again, your hands tightening in his damp curls. he alternated between the two, making sure not to neglect either while savoring every single sound you made.

the room felt impossibly hot, and so did he. you could feel the sweat slicking his skin, sticking to yours, and it should’ve been uncomfortable, but it wasn’t. it was perfect. raw and messy and real, and you were so fucking turned on you could hardly think straight. 

“don’t stop,” you urged him closer. you didn’t care that your shirt was clinging to your tits now, soaked with his sweat and spit. it was intoxicating—the heat of him, the way his mouth moved against you, the little sounds he made as he pleased you.

every now and then, he glanced up at you with lips swollen and pupils blown wide. and that look—fucked-out and so completely focused on you—made your heart stutter, your chest tightening with that thing again. you didn’t let yourself think about it too much. you couldn’t.

the tension was building, unbearable, and you couldn’t hold back anymore. you fumbled blindly for your drawer. matty didn’t stop, his mouth still on you, but you could feel him pause for a second, his hand tightening on your hip.

“what’re you doing?” he muttered against your breast, his voice muffled, almost distracted.

“just—give me a bit.”

you finally found what you were looking for. you pulled out a vibrator and grabbed his hand, pressing it into his palm. “make me come,” you whispered. “please.”

his head lifted, his hair a mess, his lips shiny and red. he stared at the toy in his hand like it was some foreign object before his gaze flicked back to yours, his brows furrowed. “oh my fucking god,” he said to himself. but then he nodded eagerly, “okay, baby. yeah. i’ve got you. i’ve got you, darling.”

matty laid you back against the pillows, his movements more deliberate as his lips found yours for a fraction of a second—just a brush, not a kiss, but enough to make you both pause. you swore you saw a flicker of longing in his eyes. perhaps you were imagining things given what was happening. given that your best friend was now currently kissing down your body, his lips trailing along from your chest to your stomach, skimming the sensitive skin there before his tongue darted out. you squirmed under him, your hips lifting slightly, but he held you down with firm hands.

he moved lower, his weight shifting as he settled between your legs. his hands pushed your thighs apart gently, his lips finding the inside of one and kissing his way upward.

then you heard the familiar buzz of the vibrator. he pressed it to the inside of your thigh first, the sensation soft and teasing. “this okay?” 

you nodded quickly, gripping the sheets beneath you. “yes. please.”

he smirked, dragging the toy slowly up your thigh before pressing it against your clit through your underwear. the vibrations hit immediately, and your hips jerked as a moan slipped from your lips. he kept the pressure light at first, moving the silicon toy in small circles, watching you closely the entire time.

“you’re so fucking pretty,” he murmured, almost like he didn’t realize he was speaking out loud. his free hand stroked your thigh softly, grounding you even as the vibrations sent shivers up every bone of your spine.

he dragged the toy lower, sliding it through your clothed core, making you squirm. his head was now resting against your thigh as he teased you. “feel good?” 

“yes.” your fingers twisted in the sheets almost uncontrollably. “fuck, matty, it feels so good.”

he kept it up for a while, working you up mercilessly as you felt your underwear get drenched because of him. every now and then, he pressed it firmly against your clit, holding it there just long enough to make you gasp before pulling it away again. it drove you absolutely insane. every movement felt precise. he seemed to know exactly how to keep you tethered on the fucking edge.

and just when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore, he pulled away entirely. you whined, your hips lifting instinctively, but then you felt his fingers hooking under the waistband of your thong. he glanced up at you, his eyes dark and questioning, and you nodded quickly, helping him slide it off.

the cool air hit you, and for a moment you felt exposed, vulnerable, but the way his eyes raked over you—reverent, almost in awe—eased the knot inside of you.

“jesus christ,” his voice barely audible, you almost didn’t catch it. “you’re perfect.”

he turned the vibrator back on, pressing it directly to your clit, and the sensation made you cry out, your hips bucking against him. he didn’t stop, didn’t pull back this time, just kept the vibrations steady as he dragged it up and down your warmth.

his hand shifted, pressing the plastic against your entrance, holding it there just long enough to make you tremble. the sensation was soft but relentless. “can i?” and those simple words sent a ripple of heat to your core.

you nodded quickly, unable to find your voice.

he pressed it in slowly, the toy stretching you inch by inch. the drag was agonizingly good, the ache sharp and perfect. your head tipped back against the pillow, lips parting as your breath caught. he didn’t rush it, watching because you knew he couldn’t help himself, his mouth hanging open slightly as it disappeared into you.

your hips tilted toward him, desperate for more, and when it was finally all the way in, he paused to ensure you were alright, that it wasn’t too much.

“don’t stop.”

he started to move, slow at first, the toy sliding in and out of you with an almost maddening rhythm. your thighs trembled against his grip, your entire body hypersensitive to the push and pull of him. the haze of your high blurred the edges of everything else until all that remained was matty and the relentless pace he set.

the thrusts grew deeper, faster, and you felt the faint roll of his hips against the mattress. the sight of him, flushed and desperate, grinding down for his own relief while his focus stayed entirely on you, made heat pool low in your stomach. he was swearing under his breath now, little fragments spilling out between wobbly breaths. 

then his mouth was on you, his tongue pressing flat against your clit before he sucked gently, pulling a broken sound from deep in your chest. it wasn’t enough—not even close—but when he found his rhythm, licking you slow and deliberate in time with the toy, you swore you could’ve died right then and there and that would’ve been alright. 

your hands flew to his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin. “fuck, matty.” his lips curved against you, smug even, but it didn’t matter because his tongue flicked over you again, then again, until you couldn’t think straight.

when he started sucking, harder this time, you bucked against his face, completely out of your control. he groaned into you, the sound rippling through your core. it was filthy, the way he worked you—his mouth, the vibrator, the subtle roll of his hips against the bed. 

his teeth scraped your clit, light but sharp enough to send a jolt through your entire body as you yelped. he froze for half a second, pulling back just enough to mutter, “shit. sorry—”

“don’t care,” your body already arching toward him again. “just—don’t stop.”

he didn’t. if anything, he got bolder, his lips dragging over your bud before his tongue circled it in ways that had your thighs quivering. ever so often, he’d wipe his mouth against your leg before diving back in, as if he couldn’t eat you out enough. it was messy, overwhelming, like he was making out with your cunt because he couldn’t kiss you properly, and you fucking loved it. no one had ever touched you like this. he wanted to ruin you just as much as you wanted to be ruined. completely and utterly.

you couldn’t stop convulsing, couldn’t stop moaning, your hands grabbing at anything—his shoulders, the sheets, your own hair—just to keep yourself grounded. the toy inside you was relentless, his rhythm perfect, and his mouth—god, his perfect mouth—was almost too much now. he was groaning into you, grinding harder against the sheets attempting to chase his own orgasm. 

“fuck,” he muttered again, his voice muffled against your skin. he sounded completely gone, like he was drowning in you, and that sent you hurtling over the edge. your whole body tensed as the pleasure crashed into you, sharp and overwhelming. his name spilled from your lips in broken gasps, and he didn’t stop, didn’t let up, his tongue and the toy still working you through it.

he only pulled back when your thighs started trembling uncontrollably, his lips swollen, his face shiny with your come, his chest heaving like he’d just run one hundred thousand miles. he looked absolutely wrecked, and it was the hottest fucking thing you’d ever seen.

you couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, still lightheaded from the aftershocks as you reached for him with shaky but determined hands. “fuck it,” you were barely coherent, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him up.

“wait—what—” he started, but you didn’t let him finish. your lips crashed into his, messy and desperate, and your world came crumbling to a halt when he froze. you thought you’d messed up everything. but when you felt his body melt into yours and finally kiss you back, it was everything and more than you had dreamed of all those lonely nights ago. his lips parted against yours, his hands sliding up to cradle your face like he, matty himself, was terrified you might disappear. like he’d been waiting for this as long as you had.

he shifted, bringing your heads level on the pillows, his mouth never leaving yours. the kiss was fast and uncoordinated, a little too much teeth and tongue, but you didn’t care. it was perfect. you muttered his name against his lips, and he answered with yours, his voice heavenly and breathless.

matty’s hands found your waist, pulling you closer until there was no space left between you. you didn’t stop, couldn’t stop, not until you were gasping for air, your lips now puffy and bruised. his forehead dropped to yours, your breaths mingling in the silence that followed, but his hands never left you, still holding on. maybe he wasn’t ready to let go.

his lips barely left yours, back to kiss you over and over again, just like two horny teenages who wanted to devour each other because it was all so new. when his teeth caught your bottom lip, tugging just enough to draw a pathetic whimper from you, your palm slipped between your bodies, brushing over the rigid line of him beneath his jeans. the second you touched him, his hips jerked sharply, and he let out a sound—desperate, so devastatingly beautiful it made you whole.

you touched him again, harder this time, and he whined, another sharp, broken noise that sent a thrill straight to your gut. you’d never seen him like this—so undone, so out of control—and you just needed more. 

“help me,” you whispered, your fingers brushing over the button of his jeans. “i can’t—just—help.”

he swore under his breath, fumbling with the button with clumsy digits. he got it undone after what felt like an eternity, the zipper catching slightly before it finally gave way. but he didn’t pull them down, didn’t even try. instead, his hands were back on you, tangling in your hair, pulling you closer like he needed your lips to stay alive. “should’ve done this years ago,” he muttered between kisses, his words slurring together. “fuck—wanted you for so fucking long.”

your heart raced, your chest tightening at the weight of his words, but you didn’t have time to process them. your hand slipped inside his boxers, wrapping around him, and the groan that tore out of him made you clench. he was burning under your palm, thick and hard, and when you stroked him, his whole body shuddered.

“jesus christ,” he gasped, his forehead pressing against yours as his hips bucked into your hand. “fuck, baby, you’re—.”

you stroked him again, firmer this time, your fingers sliding up his length and then back down, the slickness of him making it easier. “you’re so hard,” you whispered, the words tumbling out before you could stop them.

his head tipped back, his jaw tight, his mouth falling open as another moan ripped through him. he wasn’t holding back, wasn’t trying to be quiet at all, and it was the most gorgeous thing you’d ever heard. “can’t fucking help it,” he muttered, his voice breaking. “you—fuck—you don’t even know.”

“then show me,” you murmured, your hand working him faster now, matching the frantic rhythm of his hips. he swore again, louder this time, his grip digging into your waist like he was holding on for dear life.

“i’m not—” he broke off with a choked groan as your thumb brushed over the head of him. “fuck, i’m not gonna last.”

“you don’t have to,” you said sweetly. “it’s okay. just let go.”

he groaned again, his hips snapping forward, twitching in your hand as you stroked him faster. his body was a mess, his skin slick with sweat, and every breath he took was uneven, his whole chest heaving as he chased his high. you kept going, your pace relentless, until he finally broke, a loud, growling moan spilling out of him as he came. 

it was warm and sticky on your fingers, but you didn’t stop, not until he was completely spent, his body twitching in the aftermath. “shit,” he managed finally, “fuck, ‘m sorry, i—”

“don’t apologize,” you interrupted, leaning in to kiss him again, “please don’t.”

he sighed into your mouth, his hands sliding up to cradle your face as he kissed you back. when you finally pulled away, just enough to catch your breath, he pressed his forehead to yours, his lips brushing against yours. “what the fuck are we doing?”

your heart ached, your chest tight as you stared at him, his face so close to yours it felt like the world had disappeared. “i don’t know,” you admitted. “but i don’t want to stop.”

“me either,” he murmured, his lips ghosting over yours before kissing you again.

it was slower now, lazier, but just as intoxicating. his hands stayed on your face, his thumbs brushing over your cheeks as he kissed you deeply, like he was trying to memorize the taste of you. your body melted into his, the heat of him, the weight of him, grounding you in a way that felt both impossible and completely inevitable.

you were dizzy, hazy, every nerve in your body still buzzing from what had just happened. but for the first time in years, you felt completely, utterly content. like this was exactly where you were supposed to be. with him. always him. 

then you made the mistake of resting your come-covered hand on his back, and he groaned, his body jerking slightly. “oh, god,” he muttered, his voice half-laugh, half-whine.

you couldn’t help but giggle, your head dropping back against the pillow. “sorry.” you didn’t sound sorry at all, though.

“you’re disgusting,” he teased, but his lips twitched into a soft smile as he leaned in to kiss you again. it was even slower this time, deeper. and you let him. you let yourself sink into the warmth of him.

this was it. this was everything. and for the first time, it was yours. he was yours.

[suksatoru]

flawed and flawless 𝜗𝜚₊˚⊹♡ dabi x you

You never thought Dabi could be insecure.

Dabi, who walked over people like they held the same worth as the dirt beneath his boots. He was so confident—in himself and his abilities, so you could've never expected him to be insecure about anything at all.

Dabi knows his scars aren't appealing. He knows the appearance of charred flesh held together by staples isn't attractive, by any means. He never cared about it before, never even bothered to think about what other people thought of his looks.

The first time he kissed you, Dabi wasn't thinking about how you perceived his scars. He was too swept up in the moment to even consider how you might feel kissing him, too enamored by your taste and glossy eyes as he deflowered you with a tenderness inside him he didn't know he had

Dabi's kissed you many times now. So he doesn't know why it's this particular moment where he's suddenly hesitant to

You're tracing the staples on his chest gently, laying on top of him with your legs intertwined since his mattress wasn't big enough for the two of you to lay beside each other. He's listening quietly to your words, playing with the hem of your shirt before he gently pushes the fabric aside, moving his palm under and inside the garment

Your stomach is so soft. He rubs the mounds of plush skin with his rough fingertips, loving the way you felt beneath him.

He thinks about how different your skin is from the texture of his arms and face. The flesh on him was marred and tainted, and yours is so pure. Something untouched by the cruel world, flawless compared to his flawed one.

He suddenly pulls his hand away from you

Did you like the feeling of his sharp and cold staples rubbing against your skin? He imagined it would be an alarming feeling—the metal wasn't warm and inviting in his eyes. He curls his fist and hesitantly rests it against your clothed back instead. You're still telling him something as he does this, but you quickly realize he was distracted after calling his name and being met with no reply.

He peers down when you stop talking. but then he realizes you're moving to kiss his jaw

And he moves out of the way, effectively dodging your kiss.

He winces when he sees the look on your face, the pout that quickly forms as he begins to panic about how he was supposed to explain why he didn't let you kiss him just now

"Dabi? Why're you making that face?" You mumble, gently cradling his face as he stiffens under your touch. You see the shift in his mood, and gently move your hands away to rest on his chest instead as he sighs

"Nothing. What were you saying?" He mumbles tiredly as you squint up at him, entirely unconvinced by his words.

"It's not important. Tell me what's wrong." You frown, not moving your hands to comfort him as you realized he wasn't reciprocating your touch for some reason

Dabi stares at you. You stare back. He thinks he's the luckiest man in the world to have you love him. You just...understand. He didn't think he deserved to know you, let alone love you. But here you were, patiently loving him.

"Do you like touching me? I mean, is it not fucking uncomfortable for these baby fingers?" He chuckles dryly, grabbing hold of you as he feels your palm in his. Carefully, he intertwines his fingers with yours. He almost cringes at the contrast of the feeling of his wrist resting against yours as he sighs, before pulling away.

He's staring at the ceiling, not meeting your eyes as you're quite literally stunned into silence. The fan hums quietly, filling the silence as you stare up at him. You suddenly realize what he was trying to say, and your soft voice snaps Dabi out of his train of unwelcomed thoughts

"Dabi."

He looks down, but he has to physically swallow the lump in his throat when he sees your face. He can't respond because he knows his voice will come out shaky and tremble no matter how hard he tries not to let it

"I love you, okay? I don't...I never thought you were hard to touch. You're perfect. There isn't a single thing I'd change about you."

He doesn't know why he feels like crying. His throat feels like its closed, and his eyes burn as his hand returns back to your stomach. He runs his hands all over your body, desperately trying to pull you infinitely closer to him as he lets out a shuddering breath

"I love you too, sweetheart. So damn much." He croaks, his voice strained with so much raw emotion that you can't help but lean into his touch and swipe at the stray blood that trickles down his cheek from his eye

"You should sleep. I'm right here, kay? And when you wake up, we can make those pancakes...the ones with faces on them." You muse, pressing a gentle kiss onto his lips that he desperately reciprocates

He nods his head before tucking it into the space between your shoulder and neck, murmuring your name before his breathing slowly begins to even out

Dabi falls asleep before you. At least, you thought he had fallen asleep. That's the only reason you started to gently kiss across his jaw, just to try and soothe him as he slept. He once told you he loved when you kissed his jaw, saying something about how the feeling was a nice one

His grip on you tightens just the slightest bit. Normally, his heart beat would increase whenever you kissed him. Sometimes it sped up at the mere thought of you—but these kisses didn't have that effect on him. Mainly because they were slowing his heart, instead. Calming him. Grounding him.

He fell asleep with your skin pressed against his, both of you content. He wanted to feel you closer, so he pressed his cheek against yours without fear that his staples or scars would be uncomfortable for you. He knew they wouldn't—knew they couldn't with how you yourself leaned into him the same way he leaned into you, like a flower dipping towards the sun for warmth.