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matchabirb · 2 months ago

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"Captain! Captain!!"

The crew needed their captain. He needed to get home.

Note: It's been a few weeks (I think??) since I posted the brainrot about Ody's trauma! As promised, here's the fic about it. The original plan was for it to be put in parts but I decided to just put it all as a single oneshot!

Total word count: 13.3k words

TW: Slightly graphic descriptions, blood, vomit, panic attacks, cursing, slight religious themes(?), spoilers for EPIC: The Musical Sagas, contains references to the actual Odyssey, themes of PTSD and Trauma. Viewer discretion HIGHLY advised.

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“Captain!” A voice called out from behind. Odysseus turned around to see his men boarding the ships they’ll be taking to Troy. A simple gesture of a head was all Odysseus needed to understand what the soldier was trying to tell him, “hurry it up please.” He gave a nod and turned back to his wife and son, who was just barely a few months old.

He mustered up a somber smile and leaned in to give one final kiss to Penelope’s lips, but she moved her head to the side, avoiding the kiss with a sly smile. “When you get home,” she said, a teasing yet loving glint in those eyes that Odysseus always loved. He chuckled and nodded, playfully pouting as he was denied a kiss from his beloved. He leaned down to press a gentle kiss to Telemachus’s forehead, and he prayed to the gods above that this wouldn’t be the last time he’d be able to do this.

“It won’t be the last,” Athena reassured him, her voice echoing through his mind. Odysseus believed his friend wholeheartedly. Together, they’ll lead everyone and win this war.

He walked over to his younger sister, Ctimene, and his mother, who had just finished sending off Ctimene’s husband. Anticlea, his mother, had a sad smile on her face with tears in her eyes as she opened her arms for a hug. Odysseus didn’t hesitate. He went into his mother’s arms, embracing her tenderly as he did his best to comfort her crying. He felt Ctimene join the hug as well and the three stayed like that together for a while. He felt his mother’s hands gently patting down his messy hair, like she always did before. “When you come home, I’ll be waiting,” the woman promised her son, the same words her daughter told her husband. Odysseus smiled and looked at his mother in earnest, “I promise. I won’t take long.”

He heard quick approaching footsteps and turned to see his father, Laertes, followed by Eumaeus, a servant that was raised alongside him and his sister as equals. Odysseus gave a smile to the man who was like his brother, “Take care of the family, will you?” He told the swineherd, who smiled back despite the worry and concern evidently displayed on his face. The two men shared a silent promise together; one will keep everyone safe in Ithaca, and the other will come back as soon as possible.

Odysseus then turned to Laertes, who patted him firmly on the shoulder, “Don’t venture too far, Ody. We both know your mother gets a heart attack when you do.” The older man smiled at his son, the same way he always did when Odysseus would leave to go hunting; the smile that conveyed all sorts of pride and love Laertes held for his children. “I promise,” Odysseus said for the second time as he gave his father a hug, both men pulling Eumaeus in not even a moment after.

With that, he turned around and headed to the docks, boarding the ship and making sure everything was in order. As he gave the command to start leaving, Odysseus can’t help but rush back to watch the shrinking form of his wife and the island. It hasn’t been an hour and he already missed home, missed Penelope, missed Telemachus, missed his mom, his dad, his family.

“I’ll see you soon, everyone,” Odysseus murmured under his breath; another promise to reunite with everyone when the war was over.

“Ody!” A familiar, lighthearted voice called out from behind, and Odysseus felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. He turned his head and saw Polites, his dearest friend, one he’s known since childhood. Next to Polites stood Eurylochus, Odysseus’s right hand man and brother-in-law, a friend just as valuable. After he saw the bright smile on Polites’s face and the strong expression on Eurylochus’s, the homesickness felt alleviated, even for just a few moments.

At that moment, Odysseus made a promise to himself. He won’t lose anyone. Not Polites, not Eurylochus, not a single person in his crew. It’s his duty as king, as captain, to get them all home alive.

______________________________

“Captain!” A familiar and firm voice called out from behind. Eurylochus, Odysseus’s right-hand-man, approached, a small frown on his face. “Captain, we’ve run out of supplies to eat,” Eurylochus informed, looking at the crewmates who silently complained amongst themselves while rowing the boat. “We have all the reasons to take what we can. So captain, what’s the plan?” He asked, fully confident that the crafty Odysseus would think of something.

And think of something, Odysseus did. “Watch where the birds fly, they will lead us to land,” he said, pointing up to a flock of birds that flew above them. “There we’ll hunt for food, my second-in-command,” He smiled, giving the taller man a playful and light punch by the shoulder. He turned back to his crew, a smile on his face at the thought of getting some food to fill his and his friends’ stomachs. “Now, full speed ahead!” He didn’t even have to tell the crew twice, and all 600 men had the same motivation to get something to fill them as they rowed in unison.

“Captain!” Polites’s bubbly voice entered Odysseus’s ears as soon as he felt the man wrap an arm around him. He smiled and turned to his friend, greeting him with his name as well with a smile on his face. “Look!” Polites pointed out to the distance, a small island near the direction the ships were sailing toward. “There in the distance! I see an island, I see a light that faintly glows,” Polites gave his observations with an excited grin on his face as Eurylochus and Odysseus both followed where he was pointing. “Maybe they’re people, lighting a fire. Maybe they’ll share some food, who knows?”

A whisper of Athena in his ear made Odysseus think twice before getting excited, however, “Something feels off here. I see fire, but there’s no smoke.” Eurylochus, too, was suspicious, and became even more so after his friend’s comments, “I say we strike first.” The right-hand-man suggested, ignoring Polites’s staring at him as if he were crazy, “We don’t have time to waste, so let’s raid the place and-” “No,” Odysseus shook his head, not wanting to risk anything. Just about everyone in the ship was hungry and tired from fighting the ten-year war in Troy. Raiding the island and not knowing just what might be there would be a waste of everyone’s energy.

He turned to Polites, “Polites, gear up. You and I’ll go ahead.” Polites grinned at a chance to spend some time with his childhood friend and immediately headed to strap on some armor and bring his sword with him. He looked to his right-hand, “We should try to find a way no one ends up dead,” he said. Eurylochus would stay behind, keep everyone in line and make sure they were safe. Odysseus trusted Eurylochus to do that and so much more; Eurylochus had always been the rational-minded one, which gave Odysseus both the logic and the reasoning he needed to take note of when making decisions. Even now, Eurylochus had no fear protesting or questioning the king’s plan, “We don’t know what’s ahead.” Odysseus smiled and reassured his friend, “Give me till sunrise, and if we don’t return,” he paused to look at the island in the distance, “Then 600 men can make this whole place burn.”

“Now full speed ahead!”

______________________________

“Captain…” Polites’s weak and strained voice called out to him, a hand reaching out, his eyes begging, pleading, for Odysseus to come save him. Like he’s done so many years ago, like he’s done so many times in the war. Odysseus had never failed Polites, not once, not ever.

So then why did he fail Polites now?

“Enough.” The cyclops’s deep voice rumbled throughout the cave, echoing through every ridge and Odysseus practically felt the vibrations of the voice from under his feet. The cyclops lost his patience, and Polites’s body is hit with a second smash, the sound reaching the depths of Odysseus’s soul and tugging on it harshly.

Odysseus stood there, looking at the battered, still, bleeding form of Polites. His glasses fell to the side, a lens cracked, the man’s bandana stained with blood. Polites’s arm fell limp just as the life left his eyes, his soul soon to be on its way off to Hades. Odysseus can’t see anything, can’t hear anything. How did it come to this? They were winning, weren’t they? He had a plan, he had a plan to make sure they’d make it out of here alive.

Odysseus shook and trembled where he stood. He distantly processed his crewmates and men screaming, “Captain! CAPTAIN!!” just before the cyclops’s club would hit them so abruptly. The sounds of the squelching of bodies and the cracking of bones permeated through the air, piercing through Odysseus’s ears. As if that weren’t enough, splatters of blood fell and hit his skin, as if the Fates wanted to rub his failure in his face. The scent of iron and the sticky deep crimson that stained his cheek and sides clung onto him like a vice, a constant reminder of what he let happen to his comrades.

Every breath he took, the metallic scent penetrated his lungs, his body, his everything. Not even the sight of war could have prepared him for this. Not when the blood stuck to his armor was his friends’, his people. He can’t breathe, he shouldn’t breathe, lest he wanted the fetor of the gore and horror around him to enter his system like poisoned gas. Odysseus flinched the wrong way as he heard another crack! just a few feet away, and bile rose up through his gastric tract. Tears pricked the corner of his eyes as he stumbled backwards, stomach acid leaving his mouth with a heavy cough and wheeze. He raised his hands to stop the flow of his body fluids leaving his mouth, and he felt his stomach groan in pain from hunger and disgust. A shiver crawled up his spine, he couldn't even hear what the cyclops was saying anymore. He couldn’t hear his comrades' screams anymore. Just a loud, ringing sound in his head as his eyes trained solely on Polites.

Everything else was a blur to him. He can’t hear Athena’s words, the goddess trying to reach him through her Quick Thought, but Odysseus can’t feel it. With the fall and dimming of his light, Odysseus finally realized he was in actual danger. This isn’t something he can finish quickly and with ease. This is a monster, he finally gets in his head. A monster who took the lives of his men, his brothers, his friends. There was no such thing as mercy when dealing with monsters, Athena’s words from before echoed through his mind. Yet with each intake of the putrid smell of blood and guts in the darkness of the cave, Odysseus remembered Polites. He remembered his words, his beliefs, his ideals.

“Just let me be your light!”

“This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms!”

“Let me be the stars you see at night! Let me be the arms that hold you tight!”

“Whatever we face, we’ll be fine if we’re leading from the heart!”

As the cyclops finally fell victim to the lotus fruits Odysseus snuck into the wine he offered, Odysseus collapsed to the ground along with the monster. The large body of the cyclops covered the entrance of the cave, blocking the main source of light from coming inside. Everything went dark, the only thing illuminating the surroundings being the torches some of the men lit up. But Odysseus didn’t want to see. He didn’t want to have to go through the darkness without his light. Without Polites. Without Penelope. Odysseus wasn’t sure if the darkness and black spots littering his vision was a blessing or a curse from the gods above, from the fates. He couldn’t see a thing, not the bodies, not his crew, not his hands that were stained with blood, sweat, and vomit.

“-tain!” He heard someone call out to him. He doesn’t move.

“-aptain!” He heard someone call out to him again. He still doesn’t move. He doesn’t dare move.

“Captain!!” Eurylochus shook him a few times, snapping Odysseus out of his wallowing and spiraling down to despair. Odysseus remembered again. His duty. His responsibility. He was their captain. He had to lead his men out of this. He was their king, their leader. “Then act like it,” The wisdom goddess urged, speaking into his mind.

Odysseus was their captain. He had to lead them. He had to lead them home.

______________________________

“Captain!” An energetic voice, Perimedes, called out as Odysseus boarded the ship after speaking with the wind god, Aeolus, “What’s happenin’?” Just behind Perimedes followed Elpenor, and both asked in unison, “What’s trapped in that bag?”

Odysseus shook his head, keeping the bag away from their reach. He has to lead them, he has to lead them, he has to lead them, he chanted in his mind as he replied, “Something dangerous friends, we mustn't lag.” “It’s treasure!” Something in the wind whispered into the men’s ears in that moment, and Odysseus tensed up, the weight of what he just got into crashing down on him. “What…”

“Open the bag!” “Let’s see what you got!” Perimedes and Elpenor both seemed excited at the prospect of treasure, both reaching out to the bag Odysseus held tightly in his hands, before Odysseus pulled away just in time, “No do not!!” Odysseus flinched at how tense he became and took a deep breath to calm himself, ignoring the confused and concerned faces of his companions. “Everyone, listen closely. See how this bag is closed?” He raised the closed bag in his hand, making sure no one was in reach of it, “That’s how it’s supposed to be. This bag has the storm inside. We cannot let the treasure rumor fly.” He commanded, not requested, his comrades. This has to be kept under wraps. “We’ll try,” everyone agreed, or so Odysseus hoped.

For nine days straight, he had stayed awake, making sure none of his crewmates would try getting their grubby hands on the bag and open it. Thus far, he was successful in making sure the bag was closed, and that their journey home was to be as smooth-sailing as possible. He could almost hear Penelope’s voice, he could almost see that wonderful face he fell for at first sight, that smile that made his heart soar. He couldn’t wait to meet his son, now. How long has it been since he’s last seen Telemachus? About twelve years now… it’s been far too long. Did Telemachus look like Penelope, or would he have taken after Odysseus more? What did his son like? His favorite food? The games he’d play? What of his mom? Ctimene? Eumaeus? His dad? Argos?

He needed to get home now. And he’d bring the rest of his men back with him, along with the memory of those they’ve lost.

“This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms,” Polites’s voice echoed in his mind once again, and Odysseus promised to himself that he’ll do so. Lead from the heart, and see what starts. Odysseus swore to himself that he’d emulate Polites in all he did, so that he could at least keep the memory of his best friend alive.

He needed to stay awake, Odysseus shook his head when he caught himself almost dozing off. Keep your eyes open, keep your eyes open, he chanted to himself, along with his mind’s hallucinations of Penelope and what could be Telemachus, motivating him to stay awake. He had to stay awake. He had to get home. They all had to get home. They were so close now. Just a few handful of hours left of sailing and they’d dock in Ithaca, and they’d finally be home. Odysseus could already see his kingdom nearing from the distance, the outline of the palace and island just slightly covered by some fog. The gentle ripples of the waters below them slowly soothing him. Just the thought of finally embracing his family, of taking a break, getting some sleep…

He needed to stay awake, he needed to stay awake, he needed… to… sleep………

“Wake up. Odysseus, they’re opening the bag, WAKE UP!!” The hallucination of Penelope’s voice yanked Odysseus from the realm of Hypnos and suddenly he became hyper-aware of the overpowering winds swirling around his fleet. A few feet away from him, the bag Aeolus gave laid on the ground, winds escaping, faintly laughing carefreely as they did. Odysseus fell to his knees, his hand reaching out as if he could grab onto the retreating form of Ithaca in the distance. “NOOOOOOO!!” He screamed in desperation, his heart clenching in his chest in anguish.

______________________________

“The line between naïveté and hopelessness is almost invisible,” Poseidon’s words echoed across Odysseus’s fleet. If Odysseus thought Polyphemus’s voice was terrifying to hear in a closed space, the god’s voice was even worse, even in the open air. The sound was louder than the raging waves under the ships, but Poseidon kept them all afloat, for better or for worse. “So close your heart, the world is dark,” the god spoke, slowly raising the trident in his hand threateningly. Odysseus tensed up, and immediately prepared to command his men to… to do… something..! But what could they do? They were cornered by the god of the sea, on the sea. There was nowhere they could run, nowhere they could turn to, lest they risked angering the already vengeful god even more.

“And ruthlessness is mercy,” Poseidon suddenly slammed down his trident, the giant three-pronged spear hitting the bottom of the ocean. Fitting to the god’s title, the earth and waves started to shake from the impact, and Odysseus was sure he wasn’t the only one who felt like they were getting pulled in all four directions at once.

“Die.” The finality of the god’s tone spoke a command. A demand, one only a god like Poseidon could make. And the tides would always obey the orders of their lord, creating turbulent waves and crashing against the ships of Odysseus’s fleet. A pack of wolves surrounded by sharks indeed. It became hard to find his footing from the crashing and swinging of the ships, and Odysseus felt his heart stop when he heard a distant call.

“Captain! Captain!!” Men from the other ships screamed and called and shouted as they cried for help, before their ship capsized from the waves. “Captain!! Captain!!” Another group of soldiers shouted, from the other side this time, and Odysseus managed to run over to the side of his ship, if only to watch as another set of about 50 men fell victim to Poseidon’s wrath. “Captain!! Captain!!!” Another ship is covered and drowned under the waves, some sea creatures even jumping out of the water to snag bites out of some sailors who tried to swim away. The salty and would-be refreshing smell and feeling of the ocean slowly became accompanied with the sharp smell of the blood that stained the previously clear waters.

“Captain!!!” More sailors called out, as they drowned and fell to the bottom of the sea, never to be found again. Once again, Odysseus found himself nonrespondent, as he watched all the ships, except for his, submerge under the sea. All the soldiers, about 580 soldiers, called out for Odysseus, for their captain. But what could their captain do? What can they do? What has their captain ever done if not watch as everything went wrong, as everything went terrible.

He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe again. Not again. He had to do something! Anything! Suddenly, he was back in Polyphemus’s cave, blood curdling screams echoing throughout the crevices of the cavern and in Odysseus’s mind. He had to get out of here. Polites’s dead body laid before him, and his worn out voice called out to him once again, “Captain…” From Polites’s body, to the vomit-inducing cracks and squelches that were emitted whenever the cyclops would slam his club to the ground. Suddenly, Odysseus felt the blood that stuck to his skin and armor, felt the reeking of blood that he had to breathe in, felt his body get stained by the crimson that made his skin crawl and hairs raise, felt the burning feeling when he tried scrubbing every speck of blood and grime off of him and his armor.

They needed their captain then. They needed their captain now. Yet their captain could never do anything but watch. Watch as the fates eagerly reaped the consequences of treachery and foolishness, watch as the Keres came to feast on blood and flesh and bring the souls to Hades, watch as Moros whispered and brought forth the misery that they thought they had escaped. All their so-called captain ever did was watch as beings far beyond the power of a mortal king took lives and mercilessly wrought terror and what they believed to be justice.

Odysseus took a shaky breath, even though everything in his mind screamed at him to succumb to the suffocating waves that never truly reached his ship. He scanned his surroundings, ships broken and fallen apart, washed away by the waves, bodies of his men slowly dropping down the water and floating back up, motionlessly, there were no ships left. None except for his. From twelve ships, only one had recovered the wrath of the sea god. Odysseus trembled where he stood, but all the voices in his mind reminded him to stand tall, to be the captain he is, to be the king he is. And yet…

“What have you done?” was all Odysseus could utter in that moment. The product brought by destruction, brought by the wrath of a god, the wrath of a father whose son was harmed. The used-to-be gentle ripples of the water were nowhere to be found, and replaced instead with the waves only seen in depictions of tragedies and the punishments given by gods. A tragedy. That is what this was. Is that what this would continue to be? Odysseus prays to the gods (yet his faith fails him, and he gets an inkling that no god would even listen to his pleas at this moment) that it would not be so, that this story would at the very least have a happy ending, that the fates would finally have mercy on him and his crew.

“Forty-three left under your command,” Poseidon smirked, as if he enjoyed the destruction and pain and suffering he just brought. He probably did, Odysseus thinks, after all, they had brought this upon themselves. No. Odysseus brought this upon themselves. He was the one who so foolishly let his name fall from his lips as he left. He should have left the cyclops as he was. Maybe then, they would have gotten the chance to get home.

Maybe then, Odysseus could have truly acted as the captain he’s supposed to be. He was no captain. Not to his crewmates, not to himself, not to anyone.

______________________________

“Captain?” A voice carefully called out from behind, and Odysseus had to hide and hold back to urge to flinch. He immediately looked around discreetly, mentally counting the number of soldiers currently on the ship and slowly resting on the shores of the island they found themselves in. One, two, three, four, … forty-two. Forty-three, including Odysseus. They’re supposed to be forty-four. Someone is missing. Eurylochus! His mind ran just as fast as Hermes as he assessed his surroundings, trying to find the threat in the silent island. He snapped out of it when he felt a thick and strong hand rest itself on his shoulder.

He sharply turned around, his hand closing in on his sword out of reflex. Whomever this person was, had to be the reason for Eurylochus’s absence–

Eurylochus stood before him, a worried frown on his face as he rested a hand on Odysseus’s shoulder. “Captain,” the bigger man spoke again, the crease of his brows deepening when he felt the flinch of Odysseus from under his hand. “I have something that I must confess,” he continued, eyeing his friend carefully and with concern. “Something that I must get off my chest,” Eurylochus took a deep breath and looked at his brother-in-law, “Until it is said, I cannot rest.”

When Odysseus gave no reply, only despondently staring out to the distance, Eurylochus frowned and tried to get his attention, albeit reluctantly. “Captain?” Odysseus flinched again, and after a quick survey again to count the forty-three men around him, looked back at Eurylochus, a stoic expression on his face, “Eurylochus, go make sure this island is secure.” The right-hand-man, evidently not willing to prolong his internal suffering and the guilt that ate at him, protested, “But captain-” Odysseus cut him off before he could finish saying that… repulsive title he did not deserve, “There’s only so much left we can endure.” There’s only so much left he can endure at this point.

“Whatever you need to say can wait some more,” Odysseus says, ignoring the downcasted expression on his friend’s countenance. It can wait until they’ve reached home, until Odysseus has gotten some rest, until Odysseus has seen his wife. “Of that I’m sure,” that was a lie. Ever since Polites, when has he ever been sure of anything? Everything’s changed since the light went dark, since the cyclops, since Poseidon.

And Eurylochus could see the grief that marred his dear friend’s face and relented with a hesitant sigh and nod, “Okay.” The right-hand went off to gather some soldiers to come with him to scout and survey the area. With Eurylochus, came along Elpenor, Perimedes, and Georgios. That left Odysseus with about forty or so soldiers to take care of, and what Odysseus hoped to be enough time to reflect and think to himself. He can leave his men for a while to think, right? They were grown men, for gods’ sake, they’ll be fine without him for a few minutes.

Odysseus ended up taking what felt like the best nap of his life against a tree, facing his crew, until he heard the rustling of leaves from behind him, and the frantic pitter-patter of heavy and familiar footsteps. He woke up with a small startle, and stood up instinctively, his heart racing as he prepared for any possible dangers that may befall him and his men. When he turned to check who approached, he saw only Eurylochus running back.

Like a protective (obsessive) shepherd, he counted his crewmates again to check how many people were here and how many weren’t. Three were missing. Eurylochus left with three people, and those same three were missing. Where did they go? What happened? He looked up to the sky to check how much time had passed; it’s only been about a little less or a little more than an hour. “Eurylochus, back so soon? Where’s the rest of your crew?” Odysseus asked as he watched the man run back to him, disheveled with twigs sticking out everywhere and small scratches here and there. The state of his brother-in-law made Odysseus frown in concern, “And by the gods, what happened to you?”

Out of breath, Eurylochus started to explain what had happened, “We came across a palace. Inside, we heard a voice that seemed to show no malice. To greet it was our choice, but nothing could prepare us for the power that awaited inside.” The man said quickly, trying to catch his breath as he tried to process what had happened. One of the crewmates walked over and handed the poor man a recently filled waterskin, to which Eurylochus took big gulps out of. “What did the palace hide?” Odysseus urged, but waited patiently until his friend was finished.

He took a deep breath again and spoke, his voice now full of vigor and the energy the soldier usually had, “Sir! Since we left home, we’ve faced a variety of foes from a wide range of places.” Odysseus raised an eyebrow at the odd start of the introduction of whomever or whatever this threat was. “Gods,” they did not really ‘face’ the gods they’ve encountered and more so just barely survived by the skin of their teeth, Odysseus remarked in his head but didn’t interrupt Eurylochus. “Monsters, you know the roster. Hostile creatures that we could resist,” Again, ‘resist’ is a stretch; they just barely survived. Not all of them survived, and that fact weighed heavily on Odysseus’s mind.

“But this was a hell of a twist! Because we are WEAK to a power like this!” Eurylochus’s words, slightly exaggerated as they may sound, made Odysseus’s hair stand up, and he tensed up in worry. “What was it?” He asked, worried for what became the fate of the three people that didn’t go back with Eurylochus. The answer to his question wasn’t one he expected, nor anywhere at the list of the possible creatures that may have resided in an island like this.

“A woman.”

What.

“What?” Odysseus squinted his eyes in confusion. He saw a few other crewmates look over at the mention of a woman and the king had to hold back the urge to roll his eyes at them. Twelve years without their wives or lovers truly took an evident toll on most of them, it seemed. Even so, he can’t help but raise a skeptical eyebrow at the slightly anticlimactic answer, despite the buildup of this woman. Was Eurylochus simply jesting…?

Eurylochus was obviously very serious about his words, no matter how outlandish they may be. “She had us in just two words,” He spoke, and everyone listening, Odysseus included, leaned in a bit closer to urge him to continue (albeit all of them had different reasons for their curiosity). “Come inside,” a few of the sailors listening in bursted out laughing, causing some others to look over in confusion. Even Odysseus himself couldn’t hold back the snort that came out of him at the double entendre, “Damn”. For very obvious reasons, he didn’t find it very far-fetched that this woman, whoever she was, had some of his men wrapped around her finger with such words.

Eurylochus huffed out a small laugh, but continued anyway, “She welcomed us and told us to rest where we wished. She called herself, Circe. Only I stayed outside, but the other three went in. I watched them from a window, and she offered them some food. A couple nymphs went in with all sorts of dishes, more than enough for a feast’s worth.” Odysseus nodded slowly, waiting for the moment things truly got bad. Three of his men were missing doing who knows what because of who knows who, and Odysseus was not ready to lose any more of his friends because of his inattentiveness. “Yet by the time they ate, it was far too late,” were the words that made Odysseus perk up in alert. What happened? Was the food poisoned? Were they sick? Dead? Before he had the chance to ask, though, Eurylochus continued, “For inside the meal, she had cast a spell.”

A spell? So this Circe woman was a witch, then? Odysseus had heard of witches and sorceresses from his father, Laertes, who had joined Jason on his adventures. From what Odysseus knew, witches and sorceresses were fickle women. Though the sorceress that his father experiences with the sorceress he knew (Medea, if he recalled the name correctly) was actually rather nice. From what Odysseus was hearing about Circe, he doesn’t think he’d share the same experience as his father.

“They began to squeal! And grow snouts and tails,” Eurylochus described, using his hands to convey the change he saw. “She changed them!” He exclaimed, distress evident in his tone and expression. That same distress spread to everyone else, including Odysseus himself. “They transformed, and it wasn’t quick. She turned our men from men to pigs!”

Silence spread through the air as everyone processed the information Eurylochus had told them, and finally, Odysseus spoke up, his mind having been made up since the beginning. “We have to go save them.” He stood up from his position sitting on a rock nearby from when Eurylochus started telling the little “story”. He got ready to move out, when his right-hand-man suddenly held onto his arm to stop him, “No, we don’t!”

Odysseus, and a few of the men listening in, looked at Eurylochus like he was crazy. And, to them, Eurylochus did sound crazy. Was he just telling them to abandon the others? Just like that? Looking at the mortified and confused stares from the others, Eurylochus gestured at everyone, “Look at all we’ve lost and all we’ve learned. Every single cost is so much more than what we’ve earned.” He stepped closer to Odysseus, a genuinely worried expression on his face as he held the king by the shoulders, “Think about the men we have left before there’s none. Let’s just cut our losses, you all and I, and let’s run.”

Odysseus furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, gently taking off Eurylochus’s hands from his shoulders, “Of course I’d like to leave now, of course I’d like to run. But I can hardly sleep now, knowing everything we’ve done,” he said slowly, his expression darkening as he remembered the screams, the cries, the cracks, the faces of horror, fear, and hopelessness on each of his men’s faces as they died, while they all called for him, for his help, for his plan. He looked at Eurylochus resolutely, staying by his decision, “There’s no length I wouldn’t go, if it was you I had to save.” He turned to the listening crew members, a small smile on his face, “I can only hope you’d do the same.”

These forty-three men, more important to Odysseus than his life itself, are the ones he had to keep safe. If need be, he’d gladly give up his life for them. He’s their captain, after all; what sort of captain is the last one alive of his own crew? What sort of captain would prioritize himself over his friends?

He will make sure they get home, all forty-four of them.

______________________________

“Captain!” A voice, no, multiple voices called out. Odysseus couldn’t hide his flinch when he heard those calls the moment he and his single ship entered the Underworld. The sound of chains clinking, of shades wailing and moaning in despair, penetrated the air, creating an almost grating sound to Odysseus’s ears. The atmosphere didn’t help at all with his fear, with his anxiety that something would go wrong. “Captain!” The voices called out again, and Odysseus turned to look at his men, to see who called for him. He went through a quick mental checklist of everyone there, all forty-three of them, including Odysseus, were there and present. No one seemed to have been calling him, and most of them were looking upwards for some reason.

“Captain!!” More people called out, and Odysseus’s heart stopped for a few moments when he followed the gaze upwards. The shades of the men that died from his crew reached down at them, as though threatening to pull them to their side of the living. “Captain!! Captain!! Captain!!” The shades called out to him– no, they chanted out to him. As if the fates knew he wanted nothing to do with that damned title, and wished to play a “funny game” with him. It wasn’t funny. Not at all.

Not when flashes of death, screaming, and agony flashed through Odysseus’s mind with every cry for ‘Captain’. Not when Odysseus could feel the bile coming back up his throat from his stomach at just the sound of the word alone. Not when Odysseus saw his hands stained red once again, stained with the blood of too many people that should not have died. Not when Odysseus felt the weight of what felt like his whole world fall onto his shoulders, a burden heavier than Atlas’s, a burden Odysseus was no longer sure he even wanted to carry anymore. Not when each syllable of the word made Odysseus feel as though he were back in Polyphemus’s cave, back on the sea confronted by Poseidon, back on Circe’s island, on the brink of losing three friends, and then having lost one.

“558 men who died under your command!” All five hundred and fifty-eight men shouted at him, calling out for him over and over and over again. At this point, Odysseus found it too hard to breathe, to see clearly, to even hear the words properly. His hands shook at his sides and he felt the odd urge to scratch at his skin again. The feeling of the sticky blood never quite washed off, no matter how hard and rough Odysseus would scrub and scratch at his skin, until there were scratches and red marks on his skin, the numb feeling of slight burning at the strain on his body.

“How could you let the cyclops live when ruthlessness is mercy-” Odysseus snapped out of his trance when he felt a small tug at his chiton, and he immediately looked down to see Perimedes, still dutifully rowing the boat, looking up at him with a concerned frown. “Are you okay?” he mouthed quietly, checking in on the king, who took a deep breath and summoned as much courage he could find to nod his head. Odysseus gave Perimedes a small smile, though it looked more like a grimace, “Thank you”, he mouthed back to the soldier, who only nodded with a reassuring smile.

Odysseus took yet another deep breath, though his heart refused to slow down, and tried his best to ignore the shades above. He kept his eyes trained forward, not daring to look up anymore. If he dared to look up and heed the souls that screamed for him, called out to him, betrayal and anger and despair clear in their voices, Odysseus wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t end up becoming one with the realm of Hades, just as all the other shades here.

He let his mind wander, anything to avoid having to listen to the desperate cries of his dead comrades. He heard the wailing of children distantly, crying for their mothers and fathers, crying for the warmth of an embrace. The sound reminded him of the infant son of Hector, prince of Troy. That same infant son Odysseus had dropped off a cliff, the same infant that was the root of all Odysseus’s guilt. Even with Zeus’s urging to kill the boy, Odysseus still doubted his decision to this day. Could there truly not have been another way? Was the only way to keep those he loved safe was to rid an innocent child of its life for something it could have never controlled? In another world, would Hector, or another warrior, have done the same to Telemachus? Gods, Odysseus can’t stand the thought of his son hurt because of him. He’s only known the boy for a few months, a little more than a year even, before he had to leave for war, yet he already owed the boy the whole world for missing more than a decade of his life.

“This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms,” a voice, light and soft, spoke those familiar words that made Odysseus’s heart stop. He didn’t have to look to see who was speaking. He could recognize that voice with his eyes closed anywhere and anytime. “Polites…” he breathed out the name, and Odysseus sent a prayer to Hades to have mercy on his best friend, to let Polites and everyone else enter the afterlife.

He wanted to turn around, but every voice inside him screamed NO! How could he face him now? It’s been months since Polites… oh. That’s right… he hadn’t given him a proper burial. Odysseus hadn’t given anyone a proper burial, aside from Elpenor, who had fallen to his death just before they left to the Underworld. Perhaps that was the reason why so many souls of those Odysseus had lost were here. They couldn’t pay Charon to bring them down to the judging of souls. That fact weighed down on Odysseus even more. What kind of captain was he, to not even be able to give an honorable burial to those who deserved it?

Odysseus didn’t have to make a decision whether or not to turn around to face Polites, though, since the shade simply floated about and ended up in front of Odysseus. As if the shade could tell Odysseus was there, it turned around and Odysseus felt his heart twist and churn in his chest at what he saw. Polites’s soul, bright as the light he was to Odysseus’s life, held a familiar baby in his arms. The baby from Troy. Tears rushed to the corners of Odysseus’s eyes and he let out a shaky gasp. Polites only kept looking at the baby, smiling gently as he cradled it. “Whatever we face, we’ll be fine if we’re leading from the heart,” Polites managed to hush the baby’s sobs rather easily, something Odysseus remembered having a hard time doing way back when.

“No matter the place, we can light up the world. Here’s how to start,” The specter said gently, reminding Odysseus of how Polites was like back when they were just children together, playing around and having all sorts of adventures. “Greet the world with open arms.”

“Greet the world with open arms,” Polites’s voice echoed throughout the Underworld and throughout Odysseus’s head. It haunted Odysseus, made him feel as if his tether to reality were a single string, just mere moments from snapping. Odysseus reached out, as if to grab his best friend, to hug him, to hold him in his arms, to speak to him, but the shade of Polites and the baby were blown away like wisps of the wind. “Polites,” he breathed out desperately, wanting to call out for his light, his guide through the darkness that was this entire journey.

As the ship continued its way through the Underworld, Odysseus spotted something that looked akin to a dock of some sort. Tons and tons of shades were all lined up for the dock, gold in their hands, ready to offer to Charon when he returned. Odysseus knew better than to look through the faces of the shades, afraid he might find someone he recognized. So he looked away.

“Waiting…”

When yet another familiar voice reached his ears, Odysseus wished he had stayed away, looked away, went away. “That voice,” his eyes widened, and Odysseus knew his soul wouldn’t manage the trip out of the Underworld when they were done with the prophet. He can’t bear the weight of another life in his hands, the grief of finding out about the deaths of others in such a horrifying way. Yet his body acted on its own, as though it searched and yearned for more suffering to take on, “It can’t be…”

“Waiting…”

“Mom?” Odysseus choked out, his knees almost giving out under him. When the boat continued forward, he walked swiftly to the back of the boat, so that he could reach his mother. There she was, standing in line for Charon’s next journey through Styx, her hair the same style he’s always seen it in, her smile as sad as the day she found out he had to leave for war. Has her hair always been that white color? Has her body always been that thin and worn out? Has her gaze always been that distant and longing?

“Waiting… Odysseus, when you come home, I’ll be waiting,” Odysseus sucked in a sharp breath at those oh-so familiar words. Twelve years ago, maybe even thirteen years now, just before he left Ithaca for that war he never wanted to participate in. He really didn’t keep his promise when he told her he wouldn’t take long. His hands held tightly to the wood in front of him, flexing and unflexing, as though contemplating jumping off the boat and onto the river Styx that they sailed through. “Even if you’re the last thing I see, I’ll be waiting.”

“I’m right here, mom,” He called out, a hand reaching out to attempt to hug his mother. She was so close, so, so close to him. His hand only phased through her shade, and Odysseus tried again, desperate to hold his mother once more, “Can’t you see?” He failed the second time, yet still, the man tried a third time, yet once again his hand only passed through, as though he were trying to hold water.

“I took too long…” The tears finally fell from his eyes when he realized his efforts were naught but futile. His mother only continued her soulful lament, unaware of his presence right in front of her, “I’ll always love you.” Odysseus held back his sobs, praying that his men wouldn’t look back to see him like this, “And I ventured too far…” “I’ll stay in your heart.”

“While you were waiting, waiting, waiting…”

As Odysseus watched the slowly shrinking form of his mother, tears still streaming down his face, he couldn't help but wonder how many more people had he left behind without being able to give them a proper farewell.

“Bye, mom,” Odysseus said, and he hated how he knew it would be the last time he’d even be able to say this.

______________________________

“Captain! Captain! Captain! Captain!” the voices called out, yet Odysseus knew that there was no one actually calling for him.

Even after they had left the Underworld, those words still echoed through his head. No matter how hard he truly tried to ignore and block it out, it somehow wormed its way into his mind, a reminder of his terrible deeds, of his indirect betrayal to his people. The prophecy foretold by Tiresias the prophet didn’t make things any better either. Some murderous man would be with his wife, there may be a betrayal, his palace covered in red, and the man who gets to go home… no longer him. Upon being faced with such a future full of doom, was it not the standard human reaction to find a way to prevent it?

Odysseus forced himself to ignore the small voice in his mind, the one that told him that there was no way a prophecy could be broken. Many tales have been told about people attempting to do so, yet they’ve all but failed. Yet Odysseus can’t help but try. Now that he’s seen the error or his ways, the truth of it all, the truth that so many of his crewmates and others have tried to tell him.

“Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves.”

So, if Odysseus became the monster he saw his foes as, if he truly put himself and his team in the highest priority rather than mercy, then perhaps they would all finally make it home. They had to do everything they could to survive. For Penelope. For Telemachus. For Ctimene, Eumaeus, Argos, and his father. For his people in Ithaca.

The ship slowly sailed towards the lair of Scylla. Odysseus learned from the sirens that the only way to get past the god of the seas would be to sail through where even Poseidon didn’t dare pass. This was their only way home. “Captain! Captain! Captain! Captain!!” the voices shouted once again, and the thought that he could at least bring the memory of those he lost with him on the way home consoled him by the tiniest margin.

In the midst of reflecting upon the wails and groans that stayed in his mind, he just barely realized Eurylochus had approached him from behind. “You’re quiet today,” he spoke softly, cutting through the air of silence that had covered the crew after what had transpired with the sirens. Not that Odysseus particularly knew why they had all stared at him strangely and checked in with him a little more often than before. In fact, after he ordered the sirens’ deaths, he can’t help but feel a small bit of his weight lifting from his chest. While he never wanted to have to kill someone again, there was that small sense of morbid satisfaction as he managed to get through an obstacle without someone from his side getting killed or murdered or compromised.

“Not much to say,” Odysseus shrugged noncommittally. There truly wasn’t much to say. He knew the cost of going through Scylla’s lair. But was he ready to pay the price?

A few beats of even more silence later, Eurylochus spoke up again, addressing the whole crew, including Odysseus, “I’ve got a secret I can no longer keep..” That made most of them perk up, and they turned a bit to the right-hand-man, to hear what he was saying. Odysseus, too, turned around from where he was watching the waters and looked at his brother-in-law.

Eurylochus took a deep breath and came out with it, “I opened the wind bag while you were asleep.”

And Odysseus’s entire world fell apart. His eyes widened, and he even heard some crew members let out a small gasp at the reveal. It was Eurylochus this whole time? The man Odysseus trusted the most? He was the reason why they were all here about to risk their lives and not in Ithaca right now. They were so close to home.

Eurylochus knew that too, for the next thing he said was an apology, “I’m so sorry.”

He let out a shaky breath and swallowed down his words. Odysseus turned around, he couldn’t bear looking at his brother-in-law now. In all honesty, Odysseus had been content not knowing the traitor who had opened the wind bag; there was no point in shifting blame and suspicion, not anymore. Plus, they had been confronted by Poseidon not even a moment after the storm was unleashed once again. There were too many things to think about, too many things to worry about, too many people to mourn for, too little people to account for.

His mind raced with thoughts, most of which were now regarding his brother-in-law’s indiscretion a few weeks, maybe a month or two, ago. Eurylochus gently held onto Odysseus’s arm, trying to get his attention despite the man looking out to the sea, “Forgive me.” He pleaded and begged the king to give some sort of reaction, other than mere shock and then despondence. But Odysseus couldn’t find the words to reply. He couldn’t think of what to say.

Slowly, the crew went back to their own duties, rowing the ship towards the path that Odysseus had charted for them earlier. Full speed ahead, they’d tell themselves as they rowed and rowed and rowed.

As they slowly neared the lair of Scylla, Odysseus turned to Eurylochus, his expression trained and unreadable. “Eurylochus, light up six torches,” he gave his command. This time, Eurylochus didn’t question him, nor did he say anything further; the right-hand only went to gather some torches to light, handing them to some men who weren’t doing much work at the moment. Eurylochus didn’t know what was in Odysseus’s mind, nor did Odysseus know what was in Eurylochus’s; he wasn’t sure, at least. How could he be sure now? When he was just about sure that Eurylochus wouldn’t have betrayed him until mere moments ago.

Everyone sailed inside the lair in silence, the stench of dead bodies, blood, and guts permeating the air. Yet Odysseus found himself not as averted to it as he remembered being; he’d gotten used to it, the smell of death.

“Captain!” Odysseus snapped back to reality as Eurylochus called out to him. Almost like clockwork now, Odysseus made a mental headcount; everyone was here and accounted for. Well, all forty-three of them, including Odysseus. No one died, Odysseus comforted himself with the thought. He turned back his attention to Eurylochus, who was facing elsewhere, trying to use his torch to see something clearly. “Something approaches,” he said, though he didn’t sound too sure. Odysseus didn’t feel as confused as his comrades did, however, and only walked to a shadier part of the boat, not quite as illuminated by the torches.

“Hello.” A throaty, raspy voice spoke from where Eurylochus was facing. There it stood. A woman. Her upper torso being the only thing seen in the dark cavern of the lair, protecting her dignity, as if she were a mere maiden taking her time in the murky waters. Her long hair cascaded down her body, floating by the tips where it hits the water. Her bones could be seen from how thin and malnourished she appeared, and her smile split her face into two parts. It was her eyes that made Odysseus sure of who she was, sunken and the darkening color of her sclera. She looked like a monster, indeed. Yet Odysseus knew this wasn't a monster he'd have to entertain for too long.

The waters around them shook, crashing waves moving the ship side to side just slightly, and Odysseus's breath hitched for a moment. Quickly, he shook his head to calm himself, digging his nails into the skin of his palm to ground himself back. Poseidon wasn't here. He wouldn't dare follow them here. Not here, where the monsters aren't picky with the flesh and blood they eat.

Slowly, a large head emerged from the water, like a snake ready to strike its prey. Next, another head followed, and then another. Six serpentine heads came up from the water, drool dripping down some of their mouths as they gazed at the sailors. The woman looked at the six illuminated areas of the ship, six people holding the torches, and she smiled.

Odysseus saw the smile and he immediately became guarded. He linked further into the darkness of the ship, and took a deep breath. “Row for your lives!!” He shouted, prepared to face the storm this would be. The soldiers obeyed the command, as they always did, and rowed as fast as they could. If they could have seen Odysseus, they'd have seen the king looking out to the horizon, looking away from the carnage that he knew was about to transpire.

No matter how fast the sailors rowed, Scylla easily followed. The narrow passageway of her lair made it hard for ships as big as this one to pass through, and she certainly wasn't going to let her first meal of a couple hundred years pass through so easily. “Drown in your sorrow and fears!” She sang, her voice growling as one of her serpent heads scoops up one of the men in its mouth.

“Choke on your blood and your tears,” She continued to sing, but Odysseus didn't give her the time of day. He filled his ears with beeswax once again, just like he had with the sirens. He turned his back to the bloodbath he knew was going on behind him. He clenched his jaw and shut his eyes tight. He won't hear anything. Not until it was over. He refused to heed the screams of his men, calling out for him, “Captain! Captain!!”

“Captain! Captain! Captain!” The voices in his mind were determined to remind him of what he was doing. The beeswax in his ears did nothing to silence the screams of the Underworld that resonated within him still. He was supposed to be their captain. He was their captain. This was just a small sacrifice he had to take. He'll get home. He'll bring the memory of everyone he's lost home. That's compensation. Right? Right?

“Bleed till you run out of years! We must do what it takes to survive,” the monster sang, a sadistic glint in her smile as she felt the soldiers’ fear, confusion, and adrenaline. One more sailor got eaten, and the three torches that were illuminating the ship fell to the water or to the ground of the ship. The light got dimmer and dimmer. The darker everything got, the louder the screams in Odysseus’s mind, “Captain! Captain! Captain! Captain!” His heart started beating faster, his head started screaming at him even more, “Captain! Captain!”

“Give up your honor and faith,” Scylla growled slightly, one of the heads roaring as it lunged for another sailor. Eurylochus immediately gave the torch he was holding to another man, and ran to try to save the one the head was targeting. He failed. Blood splattered straight to the right-hand-man, and Eurylochus froze in place as he witnessed the body of his comrade become bitten into. The guts and entrails spilled all over the place, and the serpent head had to come back a second time to take the leftovers. “Live out your life as a wraith!!” Another sailor was swept up, and Eurylochus finally realized something when he saw the dimming light of the torches. Having started to notice the pattern, the man quickly turned around to save the last one holding the torch.

“Die in the blood where you bathe,” The man holding Eurylochus’s torch watches in confusion as he ran toward the light source, but Eurylochus was too late. The ship fell to darkness, Eurylochus standing in the middle of a bloodstained ship, 37 other sailors left on the ship. Odysseus, noticing the lack of turbulence over the waters, opened his eyes and discreetly took off the wax in his ears. He turned around, watching the serpent heads retreat back into the water, hunger sated. The king walked across the ship, keeping his head looking straight forward, striding past Eurylochus, who only stared at his captain in incredulity and horror. “We must do what it takes to survive.”

Odysseus stopped by the front of the ship, looking out to the end of the cave they rowed toward. Eurylochus only stood there, and looked at the other soldiers, as if asking them if they noticed what he noticed. The looks and gestures he got in return affirmed his suspicions, even though he hated what he found out when he realized the truth.

Scylla stared at the ship leaving her lair with a sly smile, “We are the same, you and I.” Odysseus’s breath hitched when he heard the last part of her song. He cursed in his head, knowing full well that the monster was talking about him. “We are the same, you and I,” The sole lyric echoed in his head, and his breath hitched in his throat at the implications. He was a monster. He's become the monster he had to be.

Odysseus wasn’t sure if he should take it as a good or bad thing.

______________________________

“Captain!! Captain!!”

“How could you let the cyclops live when ruthlessness is mercy-”

Odysseus's thoughts were interrupted by Eurylochus stomping over, footsteps heavy with anger. “Tell me you did not know that would happen,” Eurylochus demanded, his face contorted into an almost constipated expression. “Say you didn't know how that would end.”

When Odysseus didn't give a response, Eurylochus grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to turn around. “Look me in the eyes and tell me, captain.” He flinched. He counted the people on the ship, thirty men rowing, five other men cleaning up and mourning, and then there’s him and Eurylochus. Thirty-seven of them out of the forty-three of them before they entered Scylla’s territory. “That you did not just sacrifice six men!” Eurylochus yelled, fury flashing through his expression.

“Use your wits and try to say I'm crazy and mad!” Eurylochus tried to beg his captain, “That this is all some trick the god's have sent!” Anything, just anything that meant that Odysseus hadn't lost his kind from homesickness. “Tell me you did not miss home so painfully bad,” He paused, his expression turning to anger once again when he realized Odysseus wasn't saying a thing to defend himself. “That you gave up the lives of six of our friends!” Eurylochus’s voice cracked, the sight of even more of his friends and teammates being killed once again too jarring for him now.

“Think about the men we have left, before they’re none,” He thought back to Eurylochus’s words, and Odysseus couldn’t help but feel confused. Was this not what Eurylochus was so prepared to do not even a month or two (or three, time has eluded Odysseus’s mind) ago in Circe’s island? Why was the man mad at him now? His confusion must have been conveyed on his face, because Eurylochus grabbed a part of Odysseus’s chiton and yanked it upwards. “When we fought the cyclops, you were quick to hatch a plan!” The same plan that took so long, it gave the cyclops the opportunity to kill so many people, Odysseus retorted in his head. “And when we fought with Circe, it was you who left behind no man!” What about Elpenor, Odysseus added on.

“Yet when we saw this monster, we didn't take a stand. We just ran!” Eurylochus scoffed, balling his hands into fists as he shook Odysseus by the top of his chiton. The king only looked to the side despondently. He didn't want to admit it. Eurylochus didn't like that, and he screamed in Odysseus's face, “SAY SOMETHING!”

“I can't!” Odysseus finally spoke, looking back to his brother-in-law with an angry expression that mirrored the other's.

When Eurylochus finally accepted that the man in front of him was no longer a man, but a monster, he managed to steel himself. He harshly let Odysseus back to the ground, and grabbed the hilt of his greatsword, prepared for battle. “Then you have forced my hand.” Odysseus had gone too far. He crossed the line he had been standing on for the past few years.

He hadn't noticed that the ship stopped moving, the soldiers moving from where they were to surround the two commanders. He was too focused on his brother-in-law raising his weapon against him, and the pang of hurt and betrayal that shot through him. “Lower your weapon,” he ordered, but Eurylochus only shook his head, “No can do.”

“You miss your wife so bad, you'd trade the lives of your own crew!” Eurylochus accused, still unable to believe what his own friend had done. “Don't make me fight you, brother,” Odysseus replied sharply, a hand moving to his own sword and he went down to a defensive position, “You know you'd have done the same!” Otherwise, why had Eurylochus been so ready to abandon Elpenor, Perimedes, and Georgios as pigs under Circe's mercy?

But Eurylochus didn't even flinch at the blame being shifted to him, “If you want all the power, you must carry all the blame!” Because what sort of leader wouldn't carry the blame of his men on his shoulders? What sort of captain would leave his friends and comrades to die? What sort of captain would turn his back to the suffering of his people?

Odysseus was no captain, Eurylochus accepted that fact as he swung his blade at his friend, his king, his brother. The soldiers watched in worry, anger, and apprehension as the rope that held everyone together and loyal to the other snapped. Murmurs arose amongst them and most, if not all, found themselves feeling how Eurylochus did. Betrayed.

Where did their captain go? Where did their king go? Where did Odysseus go?

“Captain, please stop this,” one of them called out, but Odysseus ignored it as he blocked a hit from Eurylochus’s weapon. He couldn't hear it among the screams in his head calling out for him already, “Captain! Captain! Captain!” He had to get home. He just had to get home now.

Ithaca's waiting. His kingdom was waiting. Penelope was waiting for him.

“Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves.”

Odysseus swept Eurylochus off his feet with a low kick to his ankles, and he raised his sword high. He had no need for a second-in-command who questioned him at every turn. He had no need for a brother-in-law who wasn't even dedicated to getting home.

Odysseus's job wasn't to make sure any of them were happy. His job was simply to make sure they got home. Alive or as a memory, he didn't care at this point.

“I am not letting you get in my way!!” Odysseus screamed as he lowered the sword down to Eurylochus, only for a dagger to suddenly stab through his stomach. He choked on his saliva, blood rushing up to leave his mouth as crimson dripped down the dagger slowly, staining the wood of the ship red. He let out a wet gasp, frozen where he stood.

Slowly, he turned around, and saw Perimedes looking at him in anger and pain, as though Perimedes felt hurt simply having to stab his friend, but there was determination and anger in his face too. Behind Perimedes stood all the other sailors, Odysseus counted all thirty-four other angry faces full of betrayal. Betrayal Odysseus himself felt deep down as well, for the others, for Eurylochus, for himself. Behind the sailors, Odysseus saw the souls of the other five-hundred and fifty-eight men he saw in the Underworld, staring at him, screaming at him. “Captain! Captain! Captain!”

“My brothers,” he strained to speak, his eyes filling up with tears slowly. “Why?”

Perimedes kept the dagger in, and the soldiers spoke, “How are we supposed to trust you now?” From the corner of his eyes, Odysseus saw Eurylochus slowly standing up and joining the others, “Now, your time has come, your luck’s run out.” “How much longer till your luck runs out?” Odysseus remembered Eurylochus’s words previously, back when he was about to talk to Aeolus. He supposed that the seeds of doubt had sprouted and taken root faster than he could pull them out. That was the start of his chain of misfortune, the start of the incessant pattern of failure and betrayal. “I see portrayals of betrayal,” the prophet told him earlier, and Odysseus realized that there was no point in trying to avoid that prophecy. From back then with the wind bag and right now.

“Now, the time has come to shut you down,” Eurylochus and the rest said together, their faces speaking volumes of their disapproval of how their king had been acting. With how angry, betrayed, and simply exhausted his crew seemed, Odysseus couldn’t help but feel disapproval for himself too. “You relied on wit, and then we died on it.”

He couldn’t have been in the wrong could he? Not again. Not after he decided to try and change to be the right leader for his crew. “Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves,” he tried to convince himself, again. But he found himself doubting it once again. “Greet the world with open arms” was not a good way to live, and it would only cause suffering everywhere.

But this is what ruthlessness brought Odysseus, he realized. “Captain! Captain! Captain!!” the voices of his crew screamed once again. Odysseus’s mind was filled with their faces, begging for mercy, as they were drowned, smashed, and killed. At the time, Odysseus thought Polites was right; he wasn’t. Then, after Tiresias’s prophecy, he begrudgingly started to believe that Poseidon was right; he supposed he wasn’t either.

So then who was? Who was right? How did Odysseus have to change, now that he’s realized his wrongs on all accounts? Looking at the faces of his men, the ones alive, and thinking back to those that died, Odysseus felt the urge to apologize. To say the single word all of them knew wouldn’t fix anything, the word that would at the very least let Odysseus have a better chance of redeeming himself. Of being the king he’s supposed to be.

… Gods, how much had Ithaca changed, within twelve to thirteen years? How much had Penelope changed? Telemachus?

Odysseus’s mouth opened, blood dripping from the side, as he steeled his nerves to finally hold back and swallow his pride. But before he could get a word in, Perimedes cut him off, “I’m sorry, captain.”

And he pulled out the dagger harshly. Odysseus felt a blunt force that felt like the handle of a spear hit the back of his head and he fell down, dizzy. Black spots littered across his vision as Odysseus distantly heard his men scurrying off somewhere, someone taking him up in their arms carefully.

He blacked out.

______________________________

Odysseus woke up to the sound of cows mooing and the rustling of the grass. Wait, grass? There wasn’t any grass on his ship. He slowly opened his eyes and found himself tied with rope, leaned against some type of flat stone. His stomach wound was cleanly wrapped, and he could slightly feel the small sting of some ointment around the slowly healing stab.

His eyes squinted at the bright sun that hit him, and it took him a few moments to compose himself. His head pounded, throbbing like he was about to have a migraine. “Agh, my head,” he winced, his voice raspy from likely not having spoken in a while. A cow’s moo echoed through the area, and Odysseus frowned a bit; the noise did nothing to help his headache. He realized that he was on some kind of hill, overlooking a whole bunch of cows. There were more cows than Odysseus could even count, and much more cows here than there had been sheep in Polyphemus’s cave.

“Where are we?” He asked the question to no one in particular. Odysseus hadn’t expected a response until Eurylochus spoke, just a few feet away, “Some island.” Eurylochus didn’t even look at the man tied up, his distant gaze focused solely on the cows, as if he were entranced at the sight of the lean meat, “The first one we found. It’s bursting with cows just roaming around, and begging us to eat.”

Odysseus watched as Eurylochus licked his lips, swallowing thickly as he watched the cows, “So much meat, and hunger is so heavy…” With another deep breath to hold in the urge to simply eat the cows raw, Eurylochus turned to something behind Odysseus, looking up, “This statue,” he spoke, and Odysseus tried to turn around to take a look, but winced when he felt his wound ache at the pressure from the ropes. He had to rely on whatever Eurylochus was saying for more information.

“The god of the Sun,” Which god of the sun, Odysseus wanted to ask so very badly. Yet he also knew that both sun gods were rather protective of their cattle, and had all the means necessary to issue a punishment should these cattle be harmed. Both Helios and Apollo were also rather demanding gods when angered, and Odysseus knew that if they made even one wrong move, they’d be done for. “Don’t know where it’s from,” Odysseus had to hold back the urge to try to shake Eurylochus out of whatever trance he’s in; what do you mean Eurylochus didn’t think to figure out which sun god this was, and where exactly they are? He never remembered Eurylochus being this negligent. “But here’s where we found all these cows to hunt, right in front.” “And hunger is so heavy,” Eurylochus repeated, the rest of the crew groaning about their hunger just behind him too, that same distant haze over their eyes. That was when Odysseus knew he had to do something. He angled his body so that the ropes that tied him to the statue’s pedestal, so that the sharp edges would give enough friction to slowly fray the ropes. “Please don’t tell me you’re about to do what I think you’ll do..” He pleaded with his friend, not exactly in the mood to raise his voice anymore.

Eurylochus finally turned to his brother-in-law, sadness and hopelessness peeking from behind the haze that seemed to cover everyone’s eyes, “Ody, we’re never gonna get to make it home.” He spoke bluntly, tired from the long journey they’ve gone through to this point. “You know it’s true,” Odysseus’s stomach knotted into itself at the other man’s words. He shook his head, desperation gleaming in his eyes as he looked at Eurylochus’s resigned face, “You don’t know it’s true.”

It can’t be true. Odysseus could think of a way to get back home, now that he had a pretty vague idea of where he was. And even if he didn’t, he’s the Odysseus of Ithaca, the “man of many ways”, as many bards and singers have written songs and hymns of praise to him and his wits. He had to think of a way back home. He can’t handle another day, another hour, another second without his wife. But first, he had to find a way to convince his men not to do anything stupid, “This is the home of the sun god!”

“I’m starving, my friend,” Odysseus ignored the small feeling of relief when he found that Eurylochus still viewed him as a friend, and continued to try wearing down his friend’s temptation, “But if you kill his cattle, who knows what he’ll send? This is the home of the sun god!” Odysseus moved his body discreetly, making sure not to strain his injury while also doing his best to cut away the ropes that bound him to the statue.

“I’m tired, my friend!” Eurylochus’s stomach growled audibly, and Odysseus let out a small wince as his own stomach growled as well, of hunger and pain. He rubbed the rope against the side of the pedestal harder, trying as hard as he could to escape his bindings. Meanwhile, he had to do everything he could to convince everyone else, “But we’re so close to home, this can’t be where it ends..” In reality, Odysseus wasn’t very sure how far or close they really were from home. He’s half-sure that they’ve gone beyond uncharted waters and lands, but he’s not quite sure how far he had to go.

Eurylochus only shook his head as he started to slowly and carefully walk to one of the cows nearby, “How much longer must I suffer now? How much longer must I push through doubt?” He slowly stalked toward the innocent cow, his movements that of a precise hunter, and Odysseus hastened what he was doing to try cutting off the rope. The cord started to slowly fray, each small strand getting cut off in a painfully slow manner, but progress is progress, Odysseus supposed. “Please don’t do this… I need to get home!”

“How much longer must I go about my life like this, when people die like this?” The starving man took another step to the unassuming cow. Odysseus snuck a glance to check on his progress with the ropes. He's almost there. Almost there. “Eurylochus…” He couldn't even think of anything to say anymore. After all, he knew how stubborn his right-hand was. And from the strange haze-like veil over everyone's eyes, simply at the sight of the fattened and well-taken care of cattle, no one would listen to reason.

The other crewmates walked over too, stalking closer and closer to the resting cow. Just like Eurylochus, everyone else had a similar eerie desperation. Odysseus, realizing that something was wrong with his men, shouted and pleaded. “Reconsider! We can get home!!”

In a last-ditch attempt to get his men back into their right minds while trying to get himself out, Odysseus turned to his right-hand man. “Eurylochus,” he pleaded, praying to the gods that Eurylochus would at the very least hear him out. Yet the only response Odysseus received was the taller man reaching for the greatsword strapped to his back, raising it high in the air. “I'm just a man,” Eurylochus spoke, his stomach growling even louder as he swung down his blade.

“Eurylochus, NO!-” Odysseus finally cut himself free from his bounds, and stood up. He reached his hand out to Eurylochus, but he was too late.

A startled moo bellowed across the island. Blood dripped down the large blade, reflecting the light of the sun shining down on them. The reflected light was blinding, oddly; red blood wouldn't reflect that bright a light-

Gold.

Odysseus felt his heart stop. The blood was gold. The cow was bleeding gold. Ichor, essence of the divine.

“You've doomed us,” Odysseus breathed, torn between forcing himself to keep breathing or just stop altogether. His mind ran multiple miles a minute, and he finally managed to get a glimpse of the sun god’s statue he was tied to. Helios, the Sun Incarnate. “You��ve doomed us all, Eurylochus!” He screamed, his voice cracking when the true consequences of likely angering the Helios, titan personification of the sun, crashing down on him heavier than any he’s carried before.

As if his scream had finally pierced through their hunger-clouded minds, Eurylochus slowly turned around. The haze over his eyes disappeared, and all that was left was the look of someone crumbling in despair, lost in the labyrinth of confusion. “Captain?” The man sounded so disoriented, so confuddled at what he just did.

“Captain! Captain! Captain!” “Captain?” Odysseus forced himself to shake off the uneasiness that washed over him at the sound of that word. Eurylochus needed him. They all needed him. These thirty-six men needed him right now. The king forced himself to suck in his panic and took charge. He firmly looked at all his men, who had now snapped out of whatever trance they were in. Thirty-six, he counted, including Eurylochus. “We need to get away from this island now!”

He urged, moving to the single ship docked nearby, though his legs staggered when a pang of pain shot through his torso. Immediately, Eurylochus and Perimedes ran over and took to his sides to help him quickly. Everyone else followed, rushing to the boat and getting the ship ready to leave. “Grab an oar with all the strength your arms allow,” He ordered, raising his voice as loud as he could in his injured state. They finally got to the ship, and the men by his sides left to obey the orders, doing their usual sailing duties.

“These cows were immortal, they were the Sun god’s friends,” He explained, looking directly to his right-hand-man to explain. Odysseus didn’t want a second repeat of what happened however long ago it was; with the wind bag, with Scylla, it was time to be more transparent with himself to others, he realized. “And now that we’ve pissed them off,” He added, turning to look at the herd of cattle that ran around the island in hysteria, “Who do you think he’ll send?!”

Every single one of the thirty-seven men in the ship were slowly falling apart in their panicking, hurriedly calling out to each other, “Full speed ahead! Full speed ahead!” The large oars rowed and rowed as fast as all of the hunger-panged sailors could, but Odysseus’s eyebrows furrowed in alarm when he noticed the marble statue of Helios slowly move its head in their direction.

“Faster!” He ordered, stomping on the wooden floor of the messy ship to emphasize his order. “Full speed ahead,” everyone chanted uncoordinatedly. “Faster!!” He pushed, shouting as loud as he could. “Full speed ahead!”

A blast of thunder reverberated across the sea, and upon seeing the clear skies slowly being covered in stark white clouds, Odysseus knew one thing. There was no escape now.

#epic the musical #epic the thunder saga #epic the circe saga #epic the cyclops saga #epic the storm saga #epic the musical angst #epic fanfiction

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anotheroceanid · 4 months ago

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excerpt from chapter five

Clarisse made an indignant sound. ‘You went into the Big House?! The thing is falling to pieces! It could've fallen to pieces on your heads!’ The more she spoke, the higher pitched her voice got. ‘What would I tell your parents if you died smashed by debris, Penelope?’

Without flinching, Penelope answered, ‘That their daughter left a mark.’

Slowly, without saying a word, Clarisse turns to Annabeth, face frozen in disbelief. Dennis is choking a laughter.

‘Your disregard for you own life does not give you permission to break rules, Penelope.’ Annabeth intervened, staring at the girl’s face. ‘I should expect that, out of everyone, you’d understand why Half-Blood Hill is off limits.’

‘Well, it shouldn’t be.’ Penelope petulantly crossed her arms, ‘We should be working to rebuild it, I mean, people arrive every day. We’re getting crowded. We either rebuild the Old Camp and expand the city, or it’ll expand itself against our will. Also, at this point that’s lighthouse for monsters, don’t you think it’ll become a problem soon?’

‘You’re exceptionally good quoting your father. Almost word by word.’ Annabeth responded, unimpressed. ‘What you have there, Silena?’

Silena blinked a few times, then opened her mouth in a perfect ‘o’ and smiled as she spoke, ‘I saved him, it’s a bird.’ Annabeth hated birds. ‘It sought refuge inside the Big House.’ She carefully shows a feathery thing, small enough to fit inside her little hands. If the thing weren’t trembling that much, Annabeth would’ve believed it to be dead. Noticing it, Silena snuggled the bird against her sweater again.

Clarisse exhaled, ‘What did you dad say about bringing animals back home?’

‘But mom…’ Silena furrowed her brows and started to pout again. Voice even more childish, helpless expression. ‘He’s so small, and he needed my help… And… And… Look how pretty his feathers are! They’re so gold, and he was calling for us, asking for help. I couldn’t just live him there.’

Dennis chuckled. ‘He is adorable.’ He agreed.

‘Yeah, and she’ll cry like a baby when it dies.’ Ajax scorned.

‘He ain’t dying!’ Both Penelope and Silena roared in one voice.

‘Sisi…’ Clarisse tried, and Silena reached out for the fabric of her chiton, pulling it gently.

‘Please mom! Please, please, pleaaaseeee!’ Her eyes filled with tears, ‘He might die if I bring him in, but he’ll surely will die if I don’t do anything. Please.’

Clarisse closed her eyes for a second and grimaced. Then, she opened her eyes and, of course, ‘Fine!’ She never denied Silena anything, and the girl cheered as if she hadn’t just broken a rule set to keep people alive. ‘But if it lives, you’ll have to set it free in the wild.’

#i really like writing kids #i'll probably edit this scene more tho #wthb fic

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dollypopup · 1 year ago

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Marina, Polin, and the False Narrative of Good Intentions

or: Fanon has Failed You

we're taking a real deep dive, babes.

bring a snorkel

Episode 1:

We are introduced to Bridgerton, Lady Whistledown first. She has the very first lines, talking about the new debutantes coming before the queen. Penelope expresses immense nervousness about this, even after Prudence faints and she writes of the blunder in her sheet, likely grateful she doesn't have to spend too much time on herself when she can highlight Prudence's fainting. In the very first mention of Marina, it's a conversation between Portia and Lady Cowper, about how Portia is taking Marina, a 'distant cousin of my husband's' in as an act of 'charity'. LC replies that she has always been quite charitable, which Portia exclaims is what Lady Whistledown should have written about, instead of 'erroneously writing that she shall only have three ladies under her care.'

That's when Penelope comes to Portia with a plea, using Marina's upcoming arrival as an excuse for her to defer.

"Unless you should like to have only 3 young ladies under your care, I should gladly sit this season out." "Penelope is nervous" "I am not nervous, Mama-" "What she is is two stone heavier than she aught to be." Phillipa: "Mmm, those blemishes on her face are quite difficult to conceal. Perhaps some lead and arsenic would help" "Should you allow me to defer but a year, just as Lady Bridgerton has done for Eloise, I may remain dedicated to my studies"

she is denied. Portia dismisses Marina to Lady Cowper, talking about how she couldn't be competition with her daughters. Marina walks in and Penelope, as though in relief, says "Oh, she's beautiful."

Because Penelope, as of this moment, only sees Marina as a tool with which to get what she wants: invisibility. We know that's what she wants based on her and Eloise's conversation in the daffodils, in which she tells her

Penelope: "No one truly notices me. I suppose that is what I like. When you are invisible, you can have all the amusement you want without any of the expectations popularity brings. It. . .frees you.” Eloise: “Do you think that is why Whistledown remains anonymous?” Penelope: “Perhaps.”

Lady Whistledown and Marina, in this moment in time, have the exact same purpose: they serve as shields. Shields that keep Penelope from being seen, from being noticed, and hopefully to give her more time. Penelope is grateful for this, LW starts taking shots at the Queen by taking shots at Daphne, saying she was falling from the grace of being named the diamond. Instead, she thrusts Marina to the forefront of the ton, declares her the true diamond, and sits relatively gratefully through Marina's flurry of attention.

Until it comes to Colin. The scene in the Featherington drawing room in which Colin comes to Penelope after calling on Marina and says it's a 'most dreadful sonnet indeed', to which she quips her famous 'Lord Byron he is not', thus making Colin laugh before he bids her good day, and she looks at him on his way out. This has often been discussed as a scene in which Penelope is starstruck that she made him laugh, but I propose something else.

This?

This is a look of concern and sadness.

What Lady Cowper had said had been foreshadowing, now Marina is literal competition for the center of Penelope's affections.

Which, let's give him some POV here

Let's talk Colin

Even in episode one, Penelope at the ball was watching Colin, a look which is mirrored later on by how Colin looks at Marina for the first time, asking who she is. He quickly joins the dance floor right next to her, clearly curious. Curiosity is a huge part of Colin's character that often gets overlooked, in fact. His wanting to travel is rooted in it. His room is FULL of Greek mythology, the first place he visits is Greece. Colin is drawn to Marina's newness, and also how pretty she is. He likes her pretty naturally. And she also clearly likes him. Even after the other suitors slough off, Colin stays.

Marina isn't pretending, here. Look at her. She finds him funny, he's turned toward her. We find out later that she's been there for about a month, at this point. As far as Marina knows, she was sent there against her will, because she doesn't WANT to be with Portia and her snooty high society attitude. Even still, Colin acts as reprieve. He comes to visit her and cheers her, she likes a lot about him, in fact, as we learn later, but let's go back to episode 1, the now.

And then we see Marina accept (and mourn) the fact that she's pregnant.

This is why she didn't come to the Vauxhall Ball, claiming illness, and Varley brings Portia the clean sheets. Portia goes to confront Marina, she'd been there for over a month and hadn't bled, accuses her of 'revolting recklessness', says she'll keep it under wraps only so her own daughters won't suffer, and when Marina informs that she doesn't want any of this, in particular her hoity superiority, Portia slaps her.

Slaps her.

As horrible as Portia and the Featheringtons are to Penelope, they have never once laid a hand on her.

Marina is made Other from the first moment she walks on screen. She is unwelcome in the Featherinton house. Even Penelope really only cares about her insofaras she's useful. In fact, episode 1 is Penelope's first taste of what her debut would be like without Marina, and in it, Colin comes to her rescue when Cressida is being mean. Penelope didn't dance at the first ball Marina was at, but she *does* when Marina's gone.

For Marina, this is a horrible night. For Penelope, it's fantastic. Simon and Daphne even became a thing, and Penelope is seen observing them. Not only did she get to dance with Colin, but she also got her gossip. This proves she doesn't necessarily need or can utilize Marina as a shield.

From Episode 1, we see the start of the divide, even before anything else, the show pits them against one another.

Which takes us to Episode 2

We open with Penelope remarking that it is 'disturbing' and Phillipa and Prudence telling on her to Portia by informing that she has questions about Marina's condition. And then

"How did it happen, Mama? Is there to be a baby?"

"Why is Miss Thompson to be kept away?" "Because her condition is catching!" [to which Penelope responds with silent astonishment]

We then have her with Eloise, walking arm in arm as Eloise complains about Daphne and Simon, talking about how being pretty and having nice hair isn't an accomplishment, and that going to university is, essentially: a lament of societal misogyny. Penelope is not only clearly disengaged with her, but even exasperated. Eloise remarks that Penelope did not listen to a word she says, which is true, and Penelope ignores that, too, except to grab her by the elbow, and tell her that she knows someone with child, and that they're not married.

This conversation is comedic, yes, but it's also interesting considering we know Colin and Marina are involved, and that Penelope's curiosity for how Marina came to be with child (outside of the obvious practical reasons for wanting to know for her own sake) doesn't stem from friendship with Marina, but rather desire and curiosity for how it affects Colin.

"She is not married" "How did she become with child if she's not married?" "I do not know. But I will find out." "You must! Otherwise, how can we make sure it never happens to us? We have accomplishments to acquire."

Penelope, even here, knows that they don't want the same accomplishments. There's a rift forming here, too. Penelope is a year ahead of Eloise, already out in society, and she's writing Lady Whistledown. As far as she's concerned, her accomplishments are to get married. Her opinion of being out in society has changed: she still wants to be invisible, but not to stay with Eloise, but instead to continue Lady Whistledown, and perhaps get married. She says so later in the series, in which she tells Eloise that people have mature problems, problems more important than some silly writer, problems like getting married.

But to who?

Three guesses.

Colin's next scene is when Eloise asks how babies are made, to which he gives his classic 'Have you ever visited a farm?' response, and cheekily teases that he and Benedict are off to take their sticks out, 'for a round of fencing!' and once again, though comedic, it's also meant to serve a second function: he becomes a suspect. That's a very dramatic way to put it, I know, but as of now, it's not revealed who the other half of Marina's bun in the oven is, and it very well *could* be Colin.

A fact Penelope likely suspects. So, she MUST know how babies are made, because she agrees with Eloise on this: she does have accomplishments to acquire. I propose to us that instead of the 'Penelope was so selfless! She would have let Colin marry Marina so long as Marina wasn't lying to him and trying to trap him' narrative, something a bit more complicated is afoot

Penelope wants Colin. She knows she can't get involved in his current romance with Marina, but she wants him all the same. The dance they shared solidifies that for her. They're friends, she's been in love with him since she met him, and now she's *able* to get married. And she wants it to be to him.

And all her actions from there are stained with that information, including the final reveal.

It's in the middle of Episode 2, well over a month that Marina's been in Mayfair, that we have our first scene of Penelope and Marina together. We open with Marina reading letters, tearstained in her hands.

She hides them immediately under the blankets and Penelope comes in saying she found some sweets and that Marina might be able to eat them when everyone else was off at the Ball. Marina, gratefully, invites her into the room so that they may share, to which Penelope is clearly pleased.

"I hear they have decided not to send you home to your papa." "I dare say he is relieved. I can only imagine how he will react to- "Your condition? Marina, may I ask- how did it happen?"

Penelope didn't come to Marina out of the goodness of her heart at all. She came to get information. Because curiosity is also an inherit part of Penelope's character, just as it is for Colin. Penelope's reasons for wanting to know are three fold: for the sake of knowing (it's good information to have, knowing how babies are made), for Whistledown if it's a good story, and for Colin.

Marina goes on a beautiful story about George, and we, at the same time as Penelope, realize Marina is still in love with her soldier boy, who she believes is in Spain, and in a moment of immense trust, passes the letters to Penelope for her to read.

But Penelope is only relieved. It settles two of the three, clears Colin from being the father and provides her good information for Whistledown, which she doesn't get publish, likely realizing that all the secrecy means it's a big deal, but she still doesn't know how one comes to be with child.

She laments this with Eloise immediately after. Snarks that Marina said it was 'Love' and Elosie informing that made no sense, to which Penelope agrees, saying her mama had 3 children and love had nothing to do with it. Eloise then asks, in a moment of empathy no one else has granted Marina,

"Well, what else did she say? Was she not frightened?" "More. . .sad, than frightened. But there may be a chance for her to have a happy ending yet, I suppose. She wants to escape to the country where she and her love may marry."

At this, Penelope is happy. She's glad that Marina will be out of the way and also that Marina will get to be with someone else. She isn't cruel, she wishes Marina well.

She just doesn't wish Marina well with Colin.

Episode 3 has Penelope running mail errands for Marina since Marina's in confinement. With no letter in hand, she delivers her the bad news, to which Marina clearly is despondent, wondering when a letter from Spain would arrive. Penelope soothes her by informing that he's on the front lines and it's difficult for letters. "If your love is as great as your previous letters state, surely he will write back to you soon. Or perhaps even better, he is already on his way back to you here, to come and take you home."

Penelope takes on her mother after she's caught with Marina and scolded, saying that Marina's been there for ages, and it isn't fair. She leaves, and Portia insists that Marina find a husband. There is no choice for denial, here, Portia makes that clear, and Penelope takes the news unhappily from the door.

Looks like she isn't out of the woods, yet.

Because even underlying Penelope's compassion, there's a second motive. Penelope is just like Portia: she wants Marina gone, too. She just has a different, very contrasting way of accomplishing that goal, but she's making strides toward it.

She writes of Marina rejoining society, that she will be at the new exhibit. When Portia tries introducing Marina to an older man, she silently pleads for Penelope to help her and she tries to come to her rescue. In the end, Marina tells him off herself, and Penelope and Marina are united against Portia. As of now, there is nothing that really contests them. Even still, Marina acts as something of a shield for Penelope, something she is sure to notice. With Marina in the house, Penelope receives less of Portia's cruelty, and even when she's scolded, Marina gets worse of it.

As of now, Marina and Colin were a brief flirtation that took place at the beginning of her coming to Mayfair. She enjoyed his company, but she's also not suffering without it, clearly uninterested in rejoining society or getting a husband who isn't George. Being pregnant has given Marina a new dream: one in which a man she loves will return from war to help her raise their family. Even if she was open to a new love at the start of the season, she clearly doesn't care or wants to find a husband who isn't George. She tells Portia as much, that she will not bow down to Portia's schemes. She has a man who loves her, and she intends to marry him.

Portia is the instigator here, even though fandom has made Marina the villain. PORTIA insists Marina go out in society. PORTIA writes the fake letter. PORTIA is who twists Marina's arm, verbally and physically abuses her, and locks her up until she can foist her onto some decrepit man and be done with her. PORTIA is who speaks aloud Marina's doubts of George not loving her back because he hasn't sent a letter to her.

Even though Penelope and Portia's goals are the same, their methods are MILES apart. Penelope *does* have compassion for Marina, wants her to have her love story with George, and she tries to help her because she recognizes it as the path of least resistance. Portia meddles far too much, which is her downfall every time.

When a 'letter from Spain' arrives, Penelope brings it to Marina and nervously asks what it says. She's excited for the confirmation that George loves Marina back and that he'll come to take her away or marry her. When Marina falls heavily to the bed, crying, Penelope asks if he'd been wounded. Marina tells her that he pretends there was nothing between them, that he desires nothing to do with "our- my situation."

Look at the expression on Penelope's face, here.

As Marina sobs, wails, Penelope picks up the letters to read them for herself and Portia congratulates her and Varley for their efforts, justifying that Marina had to learn the truth of men, eventually.

And then we're halfway through the season

Marina starts this halfway point as a new woman. When she mourned the idea of George, she mourned a failed love story, and she also mourned herself. When she said 'My situation' she accepted that the only person who would truly help her out of this is herself. She's inspected by Lord Rutledge terribly, he asks to see her teeth as Portia gives an elevator pitch, essentially making it seem that Marina was defective but, look, she has some good parts, too! Marina informs that she's had suitors calling all week (so we return to the romance situation at the beginning with a wide net) and Portia informs they'll take too long, considering so much time has passed. That she needs someone who won't ask questions when a baby comes out 3 months early, even if they married her the next day.

Obviously, Marina's in a horrible situation. This is nightmare levels of awful. She's been abused in so many ways, treated terribly. I don't think anyone could blame her for being upset. Penelope asks her if she'd like her to stay in, but Marina refuses, and Penelope doesn't push it. [Sidenote, this is also when Albion Finch comes to call on Phillipa, and we see Portia 'rewarded' (in her mind) for her efforts in keeping Marina out. She tells Mr. Finch that Marina isn't taking visitors, but he informs he's here to see Phillipa, to which Portia expresses wonder. To her, where her entire motivation is getting her daughters married, having seen Marina as an obstacle in such, she is vindicated through this]

Penelope and Eloise have another conversation, in which Penelope listens to Eloise talking about the house being abuzz w/ Daphne's prospects, to which Penelope says 'well, she *has* to marry eventually' after Eloise says she wishes Daphne would stay on the shelf forever so that Eloise doesn't have to be next in line [Eloise seeing Daphne very similarly to how Penelope saw Marina, in that way]. Eloise laments that she wants to fly, then praises Lady Whistledown as a brilliant woman of business, praise Penelope soaks up.

Penelope guides Eloise away from her attempts to rope her into schemes unmasking LW (who we now know is Penelope herself) and Eloise says she can tell her Mama she's sick and that she's caught what Marina has. Penelope informs that Marina is recovering, and that "It would be cruel of me not to be by her side when she comes back out. I shall cheer you on your endeavors, however."

The question is: has Penelope truly formed a friendship with Marina, or does she have a second reason, once again, for being beside Marina and keeping an eye on her when she re-enters once more?

Well, it surely means nothing that the next scene is Penelope and Colin having yet another moment. Surely.

Marina, being dangled about and clearly unhappy on the floor. Penelope, looking out to the ballroom. Colin comes behind her, to her delight, and talks about the host being fussy. "Do you think if he goes to bed, we all have to leave?" he asks, making Penelope laugh and clearly glad that he did so. To Colin, he likely imagines this to be the end of the correspondence, but Penelope surprises him. Like the first time, she opens up to him, shows him her wit, and they have a moment of snark, looking at each other for a beat too long after he compliments her with 'What a barb!'

Who breaks the moment? Penelope does. She doesn't continue. She doesn't take the compliment and run with it, she doesn't prolong the conversation. She looks down, and Colin changes the subject, sensing she's perhaps uncomfortable, or at least done with the moment, and says he's been trying to get in front of Marina all night, and Penelope says all Marina's interested in is a swift rescue, which inspires Colin to go after her.

This is their first moment together since her confinement, we know since he asks how she is, and from jump he gives her an out from a man who treats her like a piece of meat, and he makes a joke right away to ease her. Colin here is exactly to Marina as Colin was to Penelope when Cressida threw her drink on her: he's the knight in shining armor, and he likes it that way. Charm dialed up to ten, he and Marina re-hit it off immediately, and she's grateful to him. Tells him to spin her off and maybe she'll recover.

And Colin does. He spins her over and over again, in circles around the entire dancefloor, and Marina smiles, and Marina grins, and Marina laughs, something we haven't seen her do since she's thrown in confinement.

Can we blame her for wanting Colin? For falling for him? Very often we talk about how he was her only option, but the truth is that Marina liked Colin from the start, and she likes him here, too. She just found out that a man she'd been in love with is forsaking her, wants nothing to do with her. She's been inspected and slapped and degraded. And Colin is kind. Colin is genuine and earnest and fun. Colin brings her to life, again. She gushes about him to Penelope as soon as they're home.

And Penelope hates it.

Her problems are not that Marina is trapping Colin. She doesn't care about the logistics of the ruse. She tells Marina anyone but Colin. It isn't that Marina's pregnant, and it isn't that Marina lies.

It's that it's Colin. Penelope wants Colin and Marina wants him, too.

And that brings them back to where they started. It didn't matter what empathy and compassion they'd cultivated: Penelope is not Marina's friend. Penelope had *never* been Marina's friend. She was her ally insofar as Marina was going to live a story that left Penelope free for her own happily ever after with Colin, and as cruel as it is, it gives Penelope DEPTH. She is not just an altruistic darling willing to watch a man she loves marry her cousin. She does literally EVERYTHING she can to keep it from happening. That's her motive. He's her motive. It's Penelope's love for Colin and her hopes that they can be together that leads her to expose Marina.

In this conversation, she tries anew. Her hopes on George now dashed, and the confinement period over, Penelope tries to sway Marina by making Colin seem like a bad match. She can't think of negative qualities to counter Marina's compliment-fest (kind, funny, excellent with children), but informs that Colin is too young to marry. That she needs someone to propose soon. And Marina says he's not like other young men, that he's eager, that he saved her, that she thinks he will propose soon.

What Penelope never says is that everything Marina thinks of Colin, Penelope already knows. She knows Colin is funny, and kind, and an accomplished dancer, and excellent with children, and that he saved her, too, at Vauxhall, and that Marina opened up to her so she'll open up the same but she doesn't: she never once tells Marina that she loves him.

Because Penelope is not Marina's friend. But Marina *is* Penelope's. She says she'll be able to stay in town, gleeful that since Penelope is close to Eloise, so they will remain friends, as sisters. Marina doesn't see the secondary motives in Penelope's actions, trying to steer her away from Colin, nor does she assume anything of Penelope. How could she? Penelope has been nothing but nice to her in a house of cruelty. Penelope doesn't deride her, Penelope doesn't hit her, and Penelope helped her with George.

But Penelope doesn't want her there, same as everyone else in Featherington House. And she doesn't necessarily want Marina to be happy. She wants Marina to be out of the picture. She'd prefer if that was with her happy, but she doesn't need Marina's wellbeing. Just her absence. Or, at the very least, she's going move bitch, get out the way.

She begins thinking of how that will happen immediately after Marina leaves. She paces her room until Eloise throws rocks at her window, and this is when we get their fight.

Eloise comes with a theory about Lady Whistledown , going on and on about what she believes, and Pen cuts her off.

"Eloise I do not care! People have real problems, mature problems, problems that have nothing to do with the secret identity of some silly writer." "And you are so mature now?" "Well I am of age, I am out in society, therefore I have more important, mature things to worry about." "Like what?" "Like marriage," "You should not care about marriage.: "What if I do? I cannot expect you to understand, not everyone can be a pretty Bridgerton!"

Eloise runs off and Penelope immediately regrets it, because her fury isn't at Eloise, but rather projecting her frustrations at Marina and Colin's blossoming relationship at Eloise. When Penelope says she cares about marriage, that is only a half truth. She cares about marriage to Colin. Very specifically to Colin.

Episode 5 sees more of the same. When Colin comes to visit Marina, Penelope is displeased. She looks on as Colin brings Marina flowers, and Marina finds them beautiful. This is not a woman who would humbly have allowed Colin to marry whoever would make him happy, a selfless woman who had nothing but the best intentions toward Colin and Marina's love story.

She doesn't care if Colin would be happy with Marina. She wants him to be happy with her.

And listen to me very clearly: I like her more for it. Yeah, I said it. Oh, it would be easy if Penelope was a sweet darling, an innocent doll who tragically falls on the sword, wanting nothing more than for her dear friend to live a beautiful love story with someone who would appreciate him. No. She believes, knows Colin would be happier with her (and, ultimately, she ends up being right in that regard) and she wants him to be with her, not with Marina. This is not an excuse for Penelope. She doesn't do good things. Her intentions are not noble. What she wants is self-serving and how she goes about it is underhanded and secretive and manipulative. And I. Like. Her. For. It. Enough of the narrative that Marina was a villain, an antagonist in Penelope's love story.

Penelope was the antagonist in Marina's.

But she is also the hero in her own. From the very beginning, the narrative made it a one or the other situation. Even when they were friends, they weren't really friends. But through it all, Marina had no idea.

Because Penelope never told her.

She spoke in circles, said Colin loved to travel, encouraged him to do so in front of Marina, said Marina didn't like tomatoes when Colin joked that he'd bring her some as a surprise to break up the monotony of bouquets. Both Colin and Marina are surprised that she's saying anything in this scene, Marina moreso than him, because she thinks Penelope is her friend and would encourage this. Penelope knows how much Marina likes Colin, and how important time is with her situation. Marina gives her the 'girl, what are you doing????' face when Penelope clearly encourages Colin to travel. Colin informs that some things in London he'd want to see more than the world, and looks at Marina. They share a moment and Penelope rushes off after her mother for Plan. . .is it D, at this point? Plan D.

Penelope recognizes Marina and Colin like each other, so she goes to her mum. asks if it's a smart decision. She feigns caring for Marina. That she is ONLY worried because Colin is young and he's years off from marriage (which she doesn't really believe, or she wouldn't be saying anything) and that Marina simply doesn't have that kind of time.

It does what she wants. Portia comes to Marina, doubling down on Lord Rutledge, saying she has until Saturday to accept his proposal. Marina refuses, clearly disliking him, and Portia admonishes her.

"Is this about Mr. Bridgerton?" "He likes me! He will propose to me, I'm sure of it." "That boy is barely out of leading strings, he has two older brothers and they're still running from the yoke. You are to cut Colin Bridgerton immediately, or I will lock you in this very room until Lord Rutledge makes you his wife."

Marina's smart, she makes a deal. She recognizes how a marriage to Colin could do a world of good for Portia's daughters, and she pleads for just a few days. Before Saturday. That he would propose. And it's only now, in this moment, that Marina makes a plan that has anything to do with Colin. Only after already liking him and envisioning a second chance romance with him, and having a good life with him.

It isn't that Colin's her only other choice. Marina had several unhappy choices. But Colin is the choice she *wants* to make. She has a time limit now, hence the deception, but it's rooted in her attraction to him. "You will seduce him." is what Portia says, but for Marina, it's not as dramatic as all that. She already likes Colin. and Colin already likes her. So maybe they speed it all along, but it's not made through falsification.

But for Penelope, who listens at the door, this is now the proof that it's becoming serious, and that this plan, too, won't work.

Plan E, it is. Chuck her off to anyone new. See what sticks. She points out multiple men at the next ball they're at as prospects. This is Marina's face when Penelope described him as pleasant.

and then that another has kind eyes. To which Marina replies, honestly, rather relatably. That she doesn't know them or care about any of them, and that she's looking for Colin.

Only now. In the middle of Episode 6, just about at the 11th hour, does Penelope ask Marina not to pick him. This is the first time. That she can do this to anyone else. She attempts Plan H: a plea for morality. That she doesn't want him to be tricked and deceived. That she's known him forever. That Marina shouldn't do this to a good man, but Marina asks if Penelope would rather she marry a bad man, then.

And the truth is, Penelope would. Penelope would rather that Marina marry a bad man than marry Colin, Penelope would rather Marina do anything rather than marry Colin. Because this entire situation is all born because Penelope loves him.

This is her way of fighting for him. It's not her way of being altruistic, it's not her way of wanting to help him, it's her way of ensuring her own happily ever after. And no, that's not a 'Penelope is such a darling angel baby' take, but it IS a human one.

And the worst of it is that Marina would have backed off of Colin if Penelope just said something earlier. Think about how their friendship was. Penelope could have informed Marina that she liked Colin when Marina was gushing about George. She could have opened up. Or when Marina was getting suitors again after her re-debut in society. Marina was rife with suitors. She liked Penelope. But Penelope never spoke up. There was an entire month and a half Penelope could have talked to Marina, and then another in her confinement.

But Marina only realizes Penelope doesn't actually support her after Penelope says not to do this to a good man. That Penelope isn't happy for her in the least. She assures Penelope that she'll be a good wife to him, that he'll be good to her in return, and that, really, it isn't Penelope's business. Which it isn't except for the fact that she makes it her business. Lord Rutledge gets engaged, and Colin becomes Marina's last way out. But, let's be real: he was was also the only one she wanted to entertain.

Oh, my sweet, darling baby boy. Earnest describes him to a T. He doesn't know he's the rope in Marina and Penelope's tug of war (hell, Marina doesn't even know someone else is pulling for him), and he gets denied a narrative in so much of this. When Marina says she's feeling faint and to find someplace more private, Colin doesn't even THINK she has alternative motives. He's concerned, takes her to a different room.

Watching this scene, you see how utterly endearing he is. He leaves the door open until she encourages him to close it, which he does post haste. He smiles at her and keeps a respectable distance. He's truly been raised to be a gentleman, and he clearly respects her. When she says they shouldn't be alone together, he finally realizes what she wants from him. When she takes a step toward him, it's subtle, but he leans back. Gets nervous. Steels his face, drops his expression. When she goes in for the kiss, he makes a few minute jerks forward, for a grand total of 2 and a half seconds, and then cuts it all off.

"You are a Lady. I must maintain your honor. And mine. No matter how. . .tempting, otherwise."

Marina, after hearing this, is stupefied. Tells him he's right. That she's a lady. She's unmarried. And he is. . .a gentleman.

And she knows Penelope is right. That he's good. She just didn't know how good Colin actually is. And in this moment, she accepts her lot. She walks away. Her last chance, her last option, and upon realizing that Colin is kind and earnest and a good, honorable person, she agrees with Penelope. She doesn't want to lie to him, to trick him, she's about to let him go. But Colin offers her to marry him, and she accepts.

Because wouldn't you? Wouldn't anybody?

Hell, her exact words are "I would be delighted to marry you." and she means it. Not as a last resort, but genuinely. We don't do Colin enough justice in this romance.

He goes on about how their long engagement is romantic, that she deserves a grand celebration, and you can tell she enjoys that, but also that she knows she'll never have it. This is where she realizes how different they are, that he's a dreamer and she's a pragmatist. And that she'll have to change his mind but can't ask for it outright.

Marina has affection for Colin. Even in season 2 we can see that, when she rightfully tells him they're in the past and that he should focus on those in his life who already make him happy. How could she not have affection for him when he's genuinely so fucking good?

And speaking of, the way he defends her to Anthony still remains one of the hottest scenes Colin takes part in. When he says he's marrying Marina for love, and not because he compromised her, he means that. When he calls Anthony an ass for insisting he go to brothels and that his interest in Marina is just lust, he's genuinely offended. Anthony says that Violet is distraught and that he won't give Colin his blessing,

"Sorry to disappoint you." "You have. In so many ways."

Colin goes to see his mum immediately after. He takes her hand and, without saying it, he all but screams 'why don't you see me?' Reminds he was courting Marina all season after Violet says she was glad she knew before Whistledown. That she was too wrapped up in Daphne to notice.

Colin wants to be seen, to be taken seriously, and it really is, as of that moment, that the only people who do so outwardly are Marina and Pen. The difference between them isn't down to looks or attitude or anything like that at all: Marina pursues Colin, she makes it clear she's interested, and Penelope doesn't. It's her greatest character flaw and the crux of her story, that she never says what she wants, that she doesn't speak up for herself. Eloise even points it out about her (and you know in friend fights they cut deep). only when she learns to speak aloud what she wants does she get her love story and happiness in society.

Penelope is near in tears when Colin announces his engagement to Marina. But the thing about Penelope is that she's persistent.

As she walks in to Marina, Prudence, and Phillipa talking about how all their fortunes are about to change with the new engagement, Penelope snarks 'Especially Colin's' to which Marina replies by complimenting her, saying she looks lovely. Penelope replies not to mock her, and Marina says

"Do not mock me." "It pains me you should think every compliment a mockery." "Do not pity me either." "I do not pity you, Penelope. I respect you. You have been a true friend since I arrived here, and I rely on your continued friendship and sympathy." "My continued silence, you mean? You think so little of me I cannot bear it. I never would have made my way through this awful tangle without your kindness. Please, do not tell me you regret it." "I would never bring scandal to you or our family if that is what you ask. But I cannot condone your actions." "I want you as my friend, Pen. Can you not try to understand and be a little pleased for me?"

Marina leaves for her modiste appointment and Phillipa talks about how they'd make beautiful babies together, to which Prudence laughs and reminds that he's not the father. Penelope snaps at them, saying Marina makes a fool of Colin already, but

but

does she not do the same to him when she outs the information later on? I like Penelope, and I ship Polin. In fact, I ship Polin exclusively, in the sense that I don't actually ship Colin or Penelope with anyone else, but this entire season is proof of Penelope's fuck ups with Marina and with Colin, both, and her justification for her actions, a thing Portia also does. She goes deeper and deeper into her disregard for Marina. Marina wants Penelope as a friend but Penelope doesn't care about Marina to that extent, even from the beginning. As Portia and Marina become more entwined in their joined ruse, Penelope sets her hopes on Violet noticing that Marina is pregnant, but Violet does her best to welcome Marina to the family, wanting to do right by Colin.

So, there goes plan G. Dire straits, then. Penelope finally has a moment alone with Colin. I've talked about the scene in which she tries to 'tell him' in a different meta, and this is already so impossibly long, but long story is that Penelope still doesn't say what she really means here. There's a narrative that Colin doesn't listen to her, but all season he listens to her. And all season, she never says what she actually wants to. When she tells him that Marina loves someone else, Colin assures he would be a hypocrite if it mattered to him that she had a romance before him. (good for you, bb boi) She doesn't tell him Marina's pregnant, which she writes in LW later on, but skirts around the subject until those precious few moments are gone.

And she lies. She says Marina loves George, still, but Marina has accepted that George wants nothing to do with her. Whether she loves him or not is outside of Penelope's knowledge. She just wants to throw whatever she can at the wall and see if it sticks, see if it breaks the engagement, and still have Colin look at her with fond eyes after the fact.

When Marina discovers them in the hallway, it's hard not to sympathize with her. She's soft when she tells Penelope Portia is looking for her, and she looks so tired. Colin apologizes for Anthony being so rude at dinner, and Marina confides in him. That her own father doesn't want her. That the Featheringtons cannot wait to be rid of her. That she thought she'd find acceptance with his family, but that was a foolish thought.

And she's right. Marina is, for all intents and purposes, fully alone. She has no one in her corner save herself. And save for Colin.

"Even your mother is just being polite." "I shall be your family, now. We shall make our own family, you and me."

And Marina wants that. So deeply, she wants that. With Colin, there's acceptance. She isn't trying to manipulate him, here, she's just hurt. Penelope has her own reasons, she loves Colin, he's a dear friend, and she doesn't want to see him hurt, and she wants him to be with her, but Marina's reasons are also poignant. Colin is the only person who made her welcome in the ton and continues to do so. Once Penelope turns her back on Marina, she just has him. And in his desire to do right by her, offers to elope.

When she says "I love you" to Colin, she's not lying. She's not trying to trick him, as is so often discussed. Is it an everlasting love? No. Is it a nonproblematic love? No. But she certainly loves what he's done for her, how he makes her feel, and she has admiration for who he is as a person. That's love, too.

This is the face of a relieved woman. Not a woman who just lied and schemed reveling in her success. This is a woman looking up to heaven, thanking God for this second chance. Just LOOK at her

We come back to Penelope, then, the day after, who feigns being sick and then runs to ransack Marina's room, looking for George's letters. (so to all the people mad at Eloise for rummaging through Penelope's room, well. . .I hope that same 'it's an invasion of privacy!' applies here, as well) Instead, she finds her duffel packed and knows they're going to elope. She searches more for George's letters and finds them, realizing one is forged.

So, Penelope waits for Marina, in her room, with the falsified letters (Plan I?), to inform her that the letter that broke Marina's heart was a forgery. She has proof that her mama faked the signature. Marina informs that it doesn't matter. George never replied to her letters.

"He has abandoned me. While Colin has embraced me." "I thought you loved him. George." "I was a fool. This changes nothing."

To which Penelope is aghast, watching Marina burn the letters, and when she asks what she'll do when Colin discovers, Marina is truthful. That she will live safe in the knowledge that Colin is a good and kind man, as he has proven to be, and that he'll take care of her and her baby. Which brings us to:

"What of him? What of Colin?"

And do I think some part of this truly is Penelope caring about Colin and his ultimate happiness? Yes. She does want what's best for him, and she does care deeply for him, but the truth of the matter is that in this, she's not doing it for him. Penelope is doing it for her. And that makes it more interesting. At every turn, every single one, Colin shows that he's infatuated w/ Marina. That he loves her, even. Nothing about his actions signify any different. And maybe it's not true love, and maybe it's a bid for him to feel useful, to feel listened to, to be taken seriously, but it's still how he feels.

The only person suffering, here, is Penelope. And Marina recognizes it for what it is. When she tells Penelope that her love is an unrequited fantasy, she has no reason to think otherwise. Penelope never opened up to her, all her criticisms are now revealed as her wanting Colin from jump, and Penelope all but said aloud she and Marina aren't friends. Marina told her to get out of her relationship, and none of us can pretend that we wouldn't do the same. Penelope is acting as though Marina is a scourge on Colin, but all Colin has done is make Marina feel cared for and wanted. We don't give him enough credit, I swear, because the reality is that how Colin is with Marina is a glimpse into how he loves. If he can forgive Marina lying to him for a good reason, he can forgive Penelope lying to him for a good reason. Marina was never Colin's endgame. Not once. It was always going to be Penelope.

And it's to show that Colin is a good man who fights for his partner, who listens, who has empathy, who wants to bring cheer, who jokes, who is wide-hearted and romantic, who puts his feelings in his hands and reaches out palms first. Give him his flowers. He was a real one with Marina. Through and through and he's gonna be a real one with Penelope. A real one to the max. This is Colin's baseline and it'll only dial up with Pen when we reunite in Season 3 but for now-

Marina says she'll be the executioner of Penelope's childish fantasy of loving Colin, but it's Penelope who's the executioner. Because even though she comes running to Eloise, even though she sobs and cries and did so much to ensure what she didn't want to happen wouldn't happen, in the end, ultimately, Penelope chooses herself. She doesn't choose Colin, she doesn't choose Marina.

Penelope chooses Penelope.

And she exposes Marina's secret. And she breaks up the engagement. By force. "Perhaps she thought she had no other option. Or perhaps she knows no shame." which is what Penelope wrote of Marina, also applies to herself in this case. When she sobs with Eloise, she's hurt by what Marina says to her, yes, but she's not weeping to mourn Colin and her one day maybe love story with him. Because she doesn't believe Marina, she doesn't think it's an unrequited fantasy. Why else expose Marina?

No, she's mourning herself. Mourning the person she one thought herself to be, and how that isn't the person that she is, that she would and can use Whistledown to get what she wants, that she has power, and how she would throw her own family and even herself under the bus for just the HOPE of her love story, and that all her intentions of fairness fly out the window because Penelope is human, and she was jealous, and she was mad.

And she continues to be. Further salt in the wound in Episode 7

"Miss Marina Thompson's recent fall from grace continues to echo through every drawing room in town days after it was revealed her engagement to Colin Bridgerton was nothing more than a sham. Of course, a Lady's disgrace does not merely tarnish her own name, like the tars on the Thames, it also leaves a smear on everyone nearby. While there is no parasol in the world strong enough to shelter a ruined woman, the fallen Miss Thompson can only hope she shall find a refuge somewhere."

Y'all

This is mean. This is twisting the knife. Portia knows it's game over. Marina is even refused from a charity room without a considerable donation. She's out of options. And it narrows and narrows around her.

And for Colin, denial isn't just a river in Egypt. He claims Lady Whistledown to publish lies and says Marina must be in agony, that he doesn't understand why he can't just visit her. Anthony informs that BECAUSE of Lady Whistledown, Colin is absolved from being the father, but if he comes near her, they will presume and he'll ruin the rest of the family for it. Even still, Colin goes to refuse, but Daphne interrupts. No one listens to him in this scene, and he's left to listen to how his family will fix what they perceive as his fuck up. He says he's sooo happy it's been settled, and storms off.

Once again, no one takes Colin seriously. He's right to point it out. Not even Penelope, as she took his decision from him just as everyone else did. In a way, Colin is also alone. I think that's what really tugged his heartstrings when Marina lamented no one wanting her around.

Colin's a hopeless romantic. In a way, he fabricated his own love story around what he wanted to hear and know. He says Leander swam each night in total darkness to see his love, and Daphne, now jaded, tells him Leander also drowned. She'll arrange a rendezvous, but she doesn't believe it'll be a love story, not really, not anymore. And Colin even though Colin seemed to be hopeful that it was a lie, when Daphne says that Marina's a stranger and that Whistledown knew Marina better than Colin did, Colin clarifies that Whistledown knew Marina's secrets.

Maybe he already knows it's true, believes it to be, but he doesn't want to see it.

"You must tell me that this Whistledown woman is mistaken, what she wrote, it cannot be true." "But it is." "You are. . .with child? I do not understand. We were to be wed. You- you said you loved me." "Colin, I hold you in the greatest esteem." "Esteem? You are a cruel woman indeed to stand here and talk of friendly affection as if you have not just committed a grave sin against me." "Speak not of sin, Mr. Bridgerton. I did not come here to be shamed by you, nor anyone else. I did not know better. You may think me a villain but I did what I thought I must. No one ever truly helped me or guided me in a different direction. I had no choice. I needed to wed. And you- you were the only man who offered me even a glimpse of happiness." "So I should feel flattered, then? Consider myself lucky that you chose me, lied to me, tried to trick me into a fraud of a marriage? I shall take my leave of you for the last time, Miss Thompson. . .You wish to know the cruelest part of your deception? If you had simply come to me and told me of your situation, I would have married you without a second thought. That is how in love I believed myself to be. But I see now that was all a lie."

This is such a fascinating conversation. It reveals more of Colin than a lot of other scenes he has does. For Colin, it's not Marina being pregnant or having come to the Ton already with child that bothers him, it's that she lied to him. He calls it a fraud of a marriage, says that she told him she loved him, and that he doesn't believe it now. One lie toppled the entire house of cards for him.

Which makes it all the more paramount that Penelope tells Colin that she's Whistledown. He shouldn't have to find out on his own, and in fact, finding out on his own would cause an IMMENSE rift between them. It would shatter his trust in her worse than learning about Marina lying to him. If Penelope instead, however, comes clean, comes to him with honesty, Colin would see that in of itself as an act of love and trust. For Colin, love is being honest. Love is being earnest. Love is being upfront. And even though Marina had every reason not to do so, to hide, to reveal to him after the fact, having lied to him is what really breaks his heart.

This is an opportunity for Bton to get some payoff in a reflection of a scene like this with Colin and Penelope. Because what so many of us Polin fans don't want to face is the fact that Penelope is ALSO keeping a life ruining secret from him. And what Marina says? Can we not also hear that in Penelope's voice? If the question is how they overcome it, the first part of that answer is by Penelope taking accountability. Coming clean.

And even though Marina has more that happens to her, this is the end of her and Colin's love story. From here, they don't really intersect. Marina does say to Daphne that Colin is a sweet boy, and for what it is worth, she is sorry, but they have very little beyond this. Until Season 2 when he visits her [we'll unpack that can of worms at a different time] Eloise comes to Penelope and asks how she's faring, Penelope says their mum swears they're ruined. But Penelope then asks about Colin, if he's in pieces, and Eloise assures that Colin will be fine as most men are, but that Whistledown has gone too far with the slander the sheet did to her family. The Featheringtons are asked to leave the luncheon, and Penelope walks off with them, realizing the true impact of Whistledown and what she's done for the first time.

One of which is Marina's brush with death. Disgraced, abandoned, and rejected, Marina drinks what she hopes is an abortive tea, and Penelope finds her on the floor after she comes to talk to her, perhaps to come clean, perhaps to make amends. Now that Colin is no longer a point of contention between them, Penelope can open her heart once more, and likely feels immensely guilty. In our final episode, Penelope is clearly feeling the weight of her actions, even when Marina apologizes to her after drinking the tea and recovering, is glad she can finally go home, and says Penelope was right. That Colin is a good man with a good heart. That Penelope was good to him, and one day, Colin will see it. It's the end of the season, now. Marina is more than ready to move on.

Enter Phillip Crane. The entire Phillip situation is tragic, how he has to tell Marina that George is dead, and how Marina has his letter as proof that George loved her, and that she thought him a villain. (Marina has a moment that I think will be reflected by Penelope in Season 3: 'I was wrong.' )

The next scene Penelope and Colin share is when he's singing for his family, his voice catching when he looks at her. Likely in gratitude or appreciation, but also this is another moment in which he looks at Penelope differently, their relationship subtly shifting. He realizes she was trying to tell him. He admires how good she is. He's touched by how she cares about him, how she tried to keep him from heartache. And she did. She really, really did.

She just also tried to keep herself from it, too.

But she couldn't. Because at the end of all of this, all these twists, these turns, and all the choices she makes 'for Colin'- he has to choose himself, too. And he chooses to leave, to escape, to heal, and to embrace his passions in travel. and this hurts Penelope, too, because it wasn't that she was trying to keep him from heartache, but rather to keep him for herself. Because she was trying to tell him she loved him.

Immediately following the end of his engagement that she orchestrated, she wanted to confess. In a way, Penelope underestimated Colin, didn't see him all season, the depth of his feelings or his gentle heart. Though she tried to keep him from heartache, heartache found him regardless. She denies his request for a dance, swallows her confession, and leaves. It hurts her that he doesn't want her, but she doesn't think of his perspective in it. To Penelope, Colin is not yet a person, but an idea. This is the first fragment in that image. Which is good. It has to shatter eventually, and it does so at the end of Season 2.

Daphne, the same woman Penelope tried to pit against Marina in the diamond wars at the start of the season becomes the only real ally Marina has. Her only true friend. And the reason Phillip comes and offers Marina marriage, thus keeping her from destitution. Penelope wasn't going to, even though she was sorry at the end. She cries after Marina walks past her without so much as a glance when she walks her way, stone faced, into a carriage with a complete stranger, her dead love's brother, to live the rest of her days in a completely new place.

And Penelope? Penelope engrosses herself into Lady Whistledown, and she continues correspondence with Colin from afar, as she is more comfortable doing, and she dreams of a someday, and she feels invincible, because at the end of the day, even though what she did was objectively not good, she got away with it. She leaves us with a smirk at the end of Season 1.

Which makes her even more bold in Season 2. Which will lead us up to her having to face actual consequences for her actions in S3, because in this entire season, not once does Penelope apologize, and in fact, the two people whom she causes the most harm to, both end up apologizing to her, completely unaware that the entire time, she'd been plotting to break them up from the very beginning

I don't think Penelope is evil, but Marina certainly isn't, either. To assume that Penelope felt betrayed by Marina, to pin the blame onto her, is to twist the narrative, and it has festered so long and so deeply into Polin, that we've seemingly completely forgotten.

Like it or not, the story with Marina serves important roles: it reveals the extent and sacrifices Penelope will go to and make for Colin, for herself, for her own happy ending, and for romance, it shows what a hopeless romantic Colin is, and how dearly he cares for others, how deeply he feels, and how desperately he wants to be heard. And, more than anything, it's the story of a woman who was thrust into circumstances that were bigger than her, that left her scrambling for answers, that revealed everyone else's cruelty in their interactions with her.

And that revealed ours, as well.

sometimes fanon festers for so long that it becomes what we swear is real, even if it isn't. it becomes a rot, in fact, manifesting in so many bad takes, particularly about Marina, in the Polin tag. we've all seen them. Penelope exposed Marina because she did it for Colin. Marina didn't care for Colin and only wanted to trap him. Colin was blind to what was in front of him all along. some of them are more cruel, people stating that Colin was an absolute idiot or that Marina was a heartless bitch.

It's enough of Marina being the Big Bad in Polin's love story. She isn't. Marina got dealt a horrible hand, and she navigated it with so much more grace than I ever could have. She endured physical abuse, verbal degradation, gaslighting, manipulation, derision, fake friends, and the death of her own love story to come out the other end a pragmatic woman with a kind heart, moving forward. Her experiences in Season 1 made her believe she had no Love Story to live. She loved, she lost, she tried again and it blew up in her face.

And she deserves our fucking sympathy

Her story is over in Bridgerton, but as Polin's love story continues, it's important to get a clean look at Penelope's intentions and how morally gray she truly is, which makes her all the more interesting and complex. It makes Polin's love story and their dynamics rich and nuanced and layered. Both Colin Bridgerton and Penelope Featherington said "I'll do anything for love"

we get to see just far that stretches

#marina thompson #marina crane #polin #bridgerton #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #this is the longest post i have ever made #and i STILL have more to say #whoops

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thekatebridgerton · 2 years ago

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Love your stories so much.... Can I have more of the Sophie taking Benedict's virginity and him wanting to marry her while Kate tries to hide her AU.... I can't get it out of my head... You have brilliant creativity.

You know I might actually write this and post it one day. I'm going to call it 'Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss' Kate, Sophie and Penelope's comedy of errors during one unfortunate house party

Whereas Kathani Sharma attempts to gaslight Viscount Bridgerton into beleiving that

1) No such girl named Sophie took his Brother's Virginity

2) Sophie Gunningworth doesn't exist, and that her suspicious maid Sophie Beckett, is not in fact the daughter of an Earl wearing a maid's clothes

3) that Kate has not kissed him repeatedly in the library to keep him from asking more questions about Sophie. Because really to imagine someone like Kate pushing him against a bookcase and kissing him like Sophie's life depends on it? honesty that sounds like a crazy story, Viscount Bridgerton must have been quite in his cups

4) that Kate did not show him her decolletage to distract him from seeing Sophie hiding in her room and that the subsequent hickeys of that encounter are simply allegic reactions to Kate's cosmetics. Because if Viscount Bridgerton had in fact seen Kate's breasts and done unspeakable things to her, then that would be scandalous and wrong and he obviously imagined it and she can't believe he would go so far as to fantasize about something that never happened. Kate Sharma will not stay here to encourage the delusions of Viscount Bridgerton's senile old head. His imagination and delusions of kissing and seducing Kate in the library are too wild. really.

Sophie, will continue to gatekeep to death, avoiding Benedict's attempts at finding her, because she absolutely doesn't want to get married and he's out there carrying her glove and proclaiming she's his one true love. When Sophie just wanted to have a hot night with a handsome lover. No ammout of good intentions in bed are worth losing her inheritance to Araminta if she marries before she's a spinster. Also Sophie came out to have fun and now she's feeling so attacked. Was she really that good at taking his virginity that he's so obsessed now??? #VirginGate

And finally Penelope is encouraged (tricked and ambushed more likely) by Sophie and Kate into well.. girlbossing her way into becoming the center of attention of the ton... and making Colin Bridgerton explode in jealousy (did we mention he's back from Italy?) . Because apparently if Anthony and Benedict are trying to keep Colin from killing every man who looks at Penelope's plump kissable lips for too long. Then they will be too distracted to notice Kate sneaking Sophie back to her father in London with the nearest bribable carriage available. Yup! Penelope's job is to drive Colin crazy. Then of course said mad idiot will become a nuisance to his brothers in an attempt to deny his feelings for Penelope. And Sophie and Kate will be free to avoid the Viscount and the not-virgin for the rest of the house party

Their plans will not backfire. At all

You know maybe I will write it this weekend. Who knows.

#bridgerton #polin #Kanthony #Benophie #kate sharma #sophie beckett #Penelope Featherington #gaslight gatekeep girlboss

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sequinsmile-x · 2 years ago

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hand holding #1 and kisses 48 please for your celebration!!! i love you soooo much! ❤️❤️ congratulations on 500!! 🥰 MUAH!

I LOVE YOU TOO!!! <3

I really hope you like this!!

-x-

Words: 1.5k

Warnings: Pregnancy and labour

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

She’d never felt pain like it.

She was sure her body had been pushed to its limit before. Her recovery from what Ian had done to her was brutal. She’d learnt to walk again, her core strength reduced to nothing. Months and months of physical therapy. Exhaustion ran down to her very core, and most of her early days in Paris were spent sleeping, wishing she was anywhere other than where she was.

Those days, she was now realising, were a walk in the park in comparison to this.

The baby was coming early. Five whole weeks earlier than she should be, and the fear that gripped her chest, making her breathless, almost matched the contractions that were rolling through her body. Relentless in their nature, making her cry out in a way she didn’t know she could.

She grimaces as the midwife examines her and she squeezes the hand that had been wrapped in hers for hours now.

“Ok, Emily,” the midwife says, smiling kindly at her as she stands up straight, “You’re fully dilated so it’s time for you to start pushing.”

She whimpers, something she would later deny, and she shakes her head, “No, I can’t be. Aaron isn’t here yet,” she looks at Penelope, her eyes meeting her friends that were full of sympathy, “I need Aaron.”

The baby was coming early. And whilst Emily was grounded now, Aaron was still travelling with the team to go away on cases. He was in Ohio, hours away from her and their daughter who was apparently a little too keen to be born. Penelope hadn’t left her side, and had refused to go anywhere after Emily went into labour in her office.

“I spoke to him about 30 minutes ago, Em,” Penelope says, squeezing her hand, “He’s trying his best to get here as quickly as he can.”

“See,” Emily says slightly desperately, turning to look at the midwife, “We can wait, he’s on his way.”

The midwife places her hand on Emily’s leg and her smile somehow gets kinder. Emily groans as another contraction rolls through her, her eyes screwing shut as she waits for it to pass, even though she knows the next one will be chasing right after it.

“Emily,” the midwife says, “You need to do what is safest for you and your baby,” she says gently, “And right now that is getting your baby delivered, her dad can meet her as soon as he gets here, and he’ll have a whole lifetime to spend with her. Ok?”

Emily cries, and she hates it. Hates that she’s as afraid as she is, that her husband, the one person who could truly calm her down, isn’t here. She places her hand on her bump, her skin drum tight over her daughter, and she blows out a steady breath before she nods.

“Ok,” she says, “Let's do this.”

He’s sure he’s never driven so quickly in his life.

He’s grateful for Penelope, for the frequent updates, and idly thinks to himself that he owes her a raise after this. Or a vacation for as long as she wanted.

It had been a long time since he’d felt panic like he had when Emily had called him only a few hours earlier. Her voice strained as she explained to him that she was in labour, that her waters had broken on Penelope’s office floor and she was going to the hospital. Emily was clearly trying to keep calm for him, to soothe the fears she’d no doubt know he’d immediately have.

He curses himself for leaving her, and clenches his teeth as he remembers kissing her on the forehead before he left the bullpen just two days ago. A promise against her skin that after this case he’d stay behind, that he’d be by her side until their daughter came.

And now he might miss it all.

He barely waits for the car to be turned off when he jumps out of it, flashing his badge at the security guard who yells at him that he can’t park there. He doesn’t care if his car gets towed, or even if he never sees the damn thing again, he just wants to get to his wife.

He isn’t even close to polite as he demands to be shown to her room, the nurse at the front desk staring at him with slightly wide eyes as she points him in the right direction. He comes to a grinding halt as he spots Penelope in the hallway, fear briefly gripping his body as he walks towards her.

“Garcia…”

“Bossman!” She exclaims, a smile on her face as she pulls him into a hug, her eyes shining with unshed tears, “You made it!”

“Is everything ok?” He asks, pulling back, his heart hammering in her chest, “Is…”

“Everything is perfect,” Penelope replies,” squeezing his arm, “She asked to be alone for a little while, but I have a feeling that doesn’t include you.”

It’s confirmation that both delights him and scares him. He’d missed it, but they were both ok. A mixture of joy and sorrow that he hadn’t anticipated mixing in his stomach.

He nods, and walks towards the door she directs him to, pausing as his hand is on the door handle when Penelope says his name.

“Hotch,” she says, clearing her throat as she corrects herself, “Aaron, congratulations.”

He smiles at her and takes a deep breath before he walks into Emily’s room. As soon as he spots her it’s like nothing else exists, and he finds himself frozen to the spot as the door closes behind him.

She’s never looked more beautiful. She’s tired, he can see that from across the room, and her hair is tied up in a braid so intricate he’s sure Penelope must have done it for her. Her smile is as wide as he’s ever seen it, and she's looking down at a tiny bundle in her arms, the smallest hand he’s ever seen wrapped around one of her fingers.

“Look, sweet girl,” she whispers. She doesn’t look up at him, but her smile gets impossibly wider, “Daddy’s here. I told you he’d be here soon.”

It’s all he needs to make it across the room, his breath catching in his chest as he looks down at his daughter.

“She’s beautiful,” he chokes out, reaching out to touch her, his fingers trailing over her soft hair, “She’s so small.”

“5lbs 7oz,” Emily says looking up at him, her eyes shining with pride she rarely allowed herself to feel. She smiles at him, “Hi.”

“Hi sweetheart,” he says, settling on the edge of her bed, his guilt for not being here almost overwhelming him as the adrenaline of getting her stars to wear off, “I am so so sorry I wasn’t here. I never should have gone, and I got here as quickly as I could. I even used the blue lights-”

She leans in to kiss him, her lips soft against his as she stops any further apologies. She didn’t need them, nor did she want to hear them. He was here now and that was what mattered.

“It’s ok, honey,” she says as she kisses him once more before she pulls back. They both know they’ll talk about it more, that she can’t undo his guilt with three words any more than he can undo that she went through labour without him with apologies, but for now, they were both content to bask in the joy of their new baby, “Do you want to hold her?”

He doesn’t need asking twice and gently takes the newborn from her, marvelling as she feels like she weighs almost nothing in his arms. Emily settles her head against his shoulder, her eyes fixed on their daughter's face.

“She’s ok?” He asks, staring down at his little girl, “There weren’t any complications because she’s so early?”

Emily shakes her head against him, “She’s ok. They’ll keep her here for a little while though, just to be sure.”

“I’ll stay with her,” he promises, and it makes her smile, her lips pressing into his suit jacket, “That way you can get some rest if you get sent home before her.”

She knows there is no way she is leaving her baby, but she lets it slide for now, “I think we’re definitely going to have to use Penelope as a middle name.”

He chuckles and turns his head to kiss the top of hers, “Definitely. But we’ll have to come up with something short for her first name, otherwise, she’ll hate us forever.”

She hums in response, and they lapse into a brief silence, the only noise in the room the soft sounds of their daughter breathing.

“Aaron?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” He asks, still staring at his little girl's perfect face.

“Next time we do this, you’re grounded the second I am, ok?”

-x-

Tag list:

@ssa-sparks, @lukeclvez, @lyds102, @glockleveledatyourcrotch, @hotchnissenthusiast, @danadeservesadrink, @ssamorganhotchner, @emilyprentissisgod, @notagentprentiss, @freesiasandfics, @emilyshotchniss, @thecharmingart, @paulitalblond, @hancydrewfan, @camille093, @whitecrossgirl, @moonlight-2-6, @rawr-jess, @florenceremingtonthethird, @jareauswife, @ms-black-a, @beebeelank, @aubreyprc, @zipzapboingg, @psychopath-at-heart, @criminalmindsgonewrong, @fionaloover, @kinqslcys, @prentissinred, @ccmattis-22, @denvivale317, @thrindis, @hotchsguccitie, @cmfouatslota77, @alexblakegf, @aliensaurusrex, @prentissxhotch, @emobabeyy, @victoiregranger, @stormyweatherth, @wanderingdreamer009, @ssablackbird, @luhwithah, @lex13cm, @prentiss-theorem, @dont-emily-me, @mrs-ssa-hotch, @jocyycreation, @itsmytimetoodream, @hotchnissgroupie

Join my tag list here!

#hotchniss #hotchniss fanfic #hotchniss fanfiction #aaron x emily #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #aaron hotchner fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction

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galaxysupreme17 · 2 years ago

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Slipping Through My Fingers

Emily PrentissXdaughter!reader!

A/n: Just a story based on the ABBA song Slipping through my fingers. Any French words used come from my little knowledge and Google translate!

D/N-Dates Name

Because It is easier, Reader is going to end up with Jack Hotchner because I feel like it.

~Jack Hotchner Face Claim: Joe Alwyn~

Schoolbag in hand She leaves home in the early morning

“Mommy!!” five year old Y/n yells as she rushes down the stairs to the kitchen where her mother currently is.

“In the kitchen baby!” Emily calls out as she watches her daughter run to her.

“Mommy I have school today hurry!” Y/n says smiling brightly.

Emily can’t help but laugh lovingly. “Okay Chérie. I am going to put your lunch in your bag then we can go” Emily says causing her daughter to jump and squeal before walking off.

(Darling)

After Emily got to the school she watched as Y/n walked into her classroom trying not to cry.

Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile, I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness

As her laughter dies down Emily sets her Y/n down in her chair at her desk. She quickly notices Y/n’s nanny/babysitter approaching them.

“Ahh Thank you for picking Y/n up here Taylor it really means a lot!” Emily says causing the young adult to smile.

“Of course! I don’t mind at all! Are you ready to go Y/n?” Taylor questions cause the child to smile happily and nod her head.

Emily gives her daughter the biggest hug and kiss in the world and watches as Taylor and Y/n leave the bullpen. Y/n of course waves goodbye to her mother and her mother’s teammates them blows a kiss causing Penelope to gasp happily and Emily smile brightly.

The feeling that I'm losing her forever and without really entering her world

Emily paces back and fourth in the living room trying to get ahold of her daughter. “Y/n Angelique Prentiss I swear to god you better answer your phone! You are past your curfew. Two hours past might I add! Goddamn Y/n!! Where are you?” Emily yells into her phone before giving up.

Just was Emily was about to call Garcia and ask her to track Y/n’s phone the front door opens causing Emily to whip around.

“Where the hell have you been Y/n?” Emily crosses her arms over her chest.

“Out. I’m sorry. We lost track of time” Y/n explains with a role of her eyes.��

“We?” Emily questions.

“Jack and I” Y/n says nonchalantly before going upstairs and shutting her door making Emily sigh and it on the couch with her head in her hands,

I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter, that funny little girl

“Are you serious?” Y/n questions while trying to breathe from her laughter.

“I am! Your Uncle Morgan was so scared after he and uncle Spencer got stuck in the elevator!” Emily says laughing causing her daughter to laugh even more.

“I can’t even picture his face!! Did he play it off cool like he wasn’t scared?” Y/n asks between uneven breaths.

“Oh of course he did! He tried but failed to play it off” Emily says while smiling at her daughters laughter.

Slipping through my fingers all the time, I try to capture every minute

Emily smiled as she stood in the doorway of Y/n’s room watching her get ready for her first date with D/N.

“Mom can you help me with my hair?” Y/n asks turning around to her mother who nodded.

“Of course I can mon amour” Emily says and walks over.

(My Love)

After Emily finished Y/n’s hair, Y/n stood up and hugged her mom tightly before walking off to pick out an outfit.

Popping her head, Y/n looks at Emily with a smile. “Merci maman. Je t'aime” Y/n states.

(Thanks Mama. I love you)

“Je vous en prie” Emily says before Y/n goes back to her closet to hunt for an outfit.

(You are Welcome)

Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling, And a sense of guilt I can't deny

“What is going through that bright mind of yours?” Emily questions while poking at her daughters head. They had just moved back from England because of the whole Doyle thing. Then Hotch asked Emily to take over as Unit Chief.

“I don’t know. Just nervous about college I guess” Y/n states as they start walking toward the massive building that is Yale University.

“Don’t be! You are extremely smart Y/n! You were top of your class and graduated early. You are going to do amazing here!” Emily says giving her daughter and light squeeze on the arm.

“But I am gonna be eight hours away! Plus with you traveling a lot because of the BAU” Y/n rambles.

“Hunny! Calm down! Yes I will be eight hours away but you are strong and independent. You are going to be okay my love. Also your Auntie Penelope is already planning to call you everyday” Emily explains as they reach Y/n’s dorm room.

Y/n turns to Emily and pulls her in for a bear hug. Emily just holds her daughter tightly not letting go for a few minutes.

“Alright. I have to get back. You are going to do amazing Y/n! I promise and you know you can call me anytime you need. I am so proud of you Chérie” Emily says letting go of her daughter.

(Darling)

“Thank you mama. I love you” Y/n says giving her mother one last short hug before staring to walk away.

“I love you too Y/n” Emily says causing both of them to smile.

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture, And save it from the funny tricks of time, Slipping through my fingers

Walking out of Rossi’s house and toward the rest of the party, Emily notices Y/n and Jack sitting together and Y/n is playing Chess against Spencer and surprisingly winning.

Emily walked over just as Spencer gained the upper hand and beat Y/n causing her to sigh but laugh at how excited Spencer was.

“Y/n come help me with something real quick” Emily called out as she wasn’t too far from her daughter.

“Okay! Coming mama!” Y/n called out as she kissed Jack’s cheek and walked over to her mother to help.

“Whatcha need?” Y/n questions with a smile.

“Will you help me by cutting the watermelon while I cute the cantaloupe?” Emily questions causing her daughter to smile.

“Of course!” Y/n states happily while getting to work.

While they were halfway down, Jack came over and sat across from Y/n and started eating the food she had cut.

“Stope eating it Jack!” Y/n stated while swatting his hand away.

Emily looked at her daughter with a smile wishing she could freeze the picture she is seeing. She then starts thinking about her daughter when she was younger with a soft smile on her face.

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning. Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

#emily prentiss #emily prentiss x daughter reader #mamma mia #abba #spencer reid #jack hotchner #david rossi #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #derek morgan #Criminal Minds #meryl streep

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shemarmooresfedora · 3 years ago

Text

Splish Splash

Summary: A pool day with the team and you and Spencer’s daughter. (Season 1 Cast)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: domestic fluff, swearing, mentions of poop and vomit

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: i included a lot of linked visuals because it helps me visualize better!

Masterlist

“Are you sure we have everything? I don’t want to forget something and have them think we’re bad parents. But they already know and like you so they’ll just think I’m a bad parent,” you nervously rambled.

You had only met Spencer’s team a few times before. He was hand-plucked right out of college by Jason Gideon. Of course, you being 6 months pregnant with his baby, dropped out of college and moved across the country with him.

When you first got pregnant, Spencer always promised he was going to give you and this baby the life you deserved so when his dream job offer came across the table with a hefty salary, Spencer assured you that you could take some time off college if you wanted.

By the time Spencer made it through all the mandated FBI training, he was in the office for one week before you went into labor and he went on paternity leave. You heard the stories about how he went pale and almost fainted in the bullpen when you called him.

Now, a little over a year later, you were pregnant again because who could deny Spencer another baby? He loved Sawyer with his whole heart.

“I’ve got diapers, sunscreen, her favorite toys, multiple changes of clothes, her bottle, and milk,” Spencer listed off the things in the diaper bag as you changed Sawyer.

“Do you like her pool look?” you grinned, “We may have gone on a bit of a shopping spree while you were away on that last case.”

Sawyer was sporting mini pigtails that held the little amount of hair she did have and a strawberry bathing suit with a matching bucket hat.”

“You are just the cutest little thing,” Spencer grabbed her, “I’m going to eat you up like a strawberry,” Spencer blew raspberries on her belly as she happily giggled.

“I got you a suit too,” you threw him a short lavender swimsuit that would barely hit his mid-thighs but that’s what you liked about it.

“So glad you guys could make it,” Hotch greeted you at the front door.

“We brought fruit salad,” you held up the giant bowl.

“Oh, thank you,” Hotch took the bowl and guided you both out to the back deck where the rest of the team was already hanging out.

Before you had even put your tote bag down, Spencer was already forcing sunscreen onto you.

“It’s so sticky,” you whined.

“I just did Sawyer and she’s not complaining,” Spencer looked at the giggly little girl in his arms.

“Well, Sawyer is used to her Daddy being all over her all the time,” you giggled.

You slipped the flowy sundress off, revealing your protruding belly bump.

“Oh mama, someone is definitely starting to show,” Penelope hollered from her unicorn floaty in the pool, already tipsy.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” you groaned, rubbing your stomach, “I feel like a big, sweaty whale.”

Spencer gave you a disapproving glare, “You look gorgeous, love.”

“You have to say that, we’re married,” you replied.

“Well, I’m saying it too. You look gorgeous, Y/N. I love the pregnancy glow,” Elle made her way over to greet you both.

“Thanks, Elle,” you smiled.

“Hey Sawyer! I missed you, babe!” Elle took your daughter from Spencer and kissed her cheek, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in months.”

“I know, it was tough when you guys had all those back-to-back cases,” you answered, “I was considering sending Sawyer on the jet with you guys because she was starting to miss her daddy too much.”

“That’s why she clings to me when I’m here,” Spencer laughed as Sawyer made a grabby motion with her hands, indicating she wanted Spencer to hold her again.

“You want to go in the water, sweetheart?” Spencer asked Sawyer who was staring at the froggy tube in the water.

“That’s Jack’s favorite tube, Sawyer, but I’m sure he’ll share,” Hotch smiled from where he was grilling burgers and hotdogs.

Jack, who was a few months older than Sawyer, was napping in his playpen next to his dad.

“Mind if I sit here?” you pointed to the lounge chair next to Gideon.

“Not at all,” he said, setting down the newspaper he was skimming.

You cautiously lowered yourself into the chair, trying not to lose your balance with your big belly. You and Gideon watched Spencer dip Sawyer’s little toes into the water and then pull her back up as she giggled.

“You know when I first recruited Spencer, I definitely hadn’t been expecting him to already have a family on the way. He got all excited, showing me the picture of you that he kept in his wallet. I almost tried talking him out of the job, saying it’s not for a family man. However, he insisted that he wanted to get rid of as many monsters as he could for his wife and daughter.”

“I can’t say that I like the long hours and time away that comes with his job but I respect it. He’s doing amazing work, you all are,” you replied.

“Thank you, dear,” Gideon smiled softly, “Spencer is very lucky to have found someone so understanding. Your job is pretty tough too, raising kids is no joke.”

“Thank you,” you smiled back, “It’s not easy but it’s so worth it.”

Derek took off his shades, setting them down on a chair before running towards the diving board full speed.

“Cannonball!” he yelled.

His ginormous splash reached all the way over to the shallow section, covering Spencer and Sawyer in her little tube, who promptly started crying.

“Oh no, my poor baby,” Spencer lifted her out of her tube and carried her out to swaddle in a dry towel.

Elle whacked Derek with a pool noodle once he emerged from beneath the water’s surface.

“Hey! What did you do that for?” Derek rubbed his head.

“You made Sawyer cry,” she replied, thwacking him again.

Derek climbed out of the pool on the ladder and made his way over to the two loving parents swarming over their crying child.

“Sorry about that, Sawyer. Guess I underestimated my splash,” Derek apologized to the little child who wouldn’t even be able to understand.

“It’s okay, Derek,” you assured him, “It’s just coming up on her nap time so she’s more prone to cry.”

Spencer caught a whiff of it as soon as he sat down on the lounge chair with you and Sawyer.

He took Sawyer from you and pretended to be speaking as her, making his voice higher-pitched, “Actually, Uncle Derek, if you want to make it up to me, you can change my diaper.”

“Uh uh,” Derek shook his head profusely, “I wrap it before I tap it for a reason, man.”

“I bet you could win a few single moms over if you knew how to change a diaper,” you added.

“Fine,” Derek accepted Sawyer into his arms but held her an arms length away like she was a bomb.

“I’ll teach you,” Spencer slung the diaper bag over his shoulder.

About 15 minutes later, Spencer came out with Sawyer on his hip and a traumatized Derek following them.

“What took so long?” you asked curiously.

“Morgan could only use one hand because he insisted on plugging his nose with the other,” Spencer chuckled.

“That shit stank!” Derek argued, “I’ve smelled dead bodies that are better than that.”

“I think your debt has been repaid,” you laughed as Derek sat himself on a tube next to Penelope in the water.

“Thank god,” he sighed, “I’m going to need a hazmat suit if you guys ever need me to babysit.”

“Who said you get to babysit?” Penelope looked up from her romance novel.

“I think Auntie Elle is being overlooked here,” Elle added from where she was sunbathing.

“Sawyer needs some time at Grandpa Gideon’s cabin. I think she will like watching the birds,” Gideon smiled fondly.

“Everyone who wants to watch Sawyer will eventually get to watch her,” you explained, “But I think you will have to pry her out of her Daddy’s hands.”

“How about date nights every Wednesday as long as we aren’t away on a case?” Spencer suggested, “Then someone can take Sawyer for the night.”

“Sounds good to me, love,” you kissed him and took Sawyer from his arms, “I think I’m going to join Sawyer in nap time today. Little one is really not having it today.”

Spencer rubbed your belly, “Is there anything I can do? Do you want something to eat or drink? I think JJ just finished making some potato salad,” he offered.

“I’m sure it’s really good but the thought of that right now is making me extremely nauseous,” you whispered.

Spencer guided you to the hammock in the shade and sat you down with a sleepy Sawyer in your arms.

“Sweet dreams, loves,” he kissed you both on the forehead and once on your belly.

You murmured something along the lines of ‘I love you too’ before drifting off.

Spencer pulled up a chair and just watched you both sleep. It was one of his favorite things to do. The peaceful look on your beautiful face with his adorable child gently cradled in your arms. Spencer’s eyes watched your belly bump rise and fall with each of your even breaths. You were heavenly, an absolute work of art in his mind. No other goddess could ever compare.

After about 40 minutes, Sawyer began to stir but you were still fast asleep. Spencer gently took her from your hold in order to let you continue to rest.

Spencer sat down at the table where the rest of the team was eating, pulling out a bag of your breast milk from his cooler and pouring it into a bottle for Sawyer. He accidentally spilled a little on his finger and instinctively licked it off.

“Alright, ew,” Derek set his fork down on his plate in disgust.

“What?” Spencer asked, “Breast milk is packed full of nutrients. It’s good for you.”

“I’ll taste it,” Elle volunteered.

“I wanna too!” Penelope demanded.

“Nope, I don’t know why I have to clarify this but no one is drinking my wife’s breast milk except me and Sawyer,” Spencer stated.

“Well this is an interesting way to wake up,” you grinned, rubbing your eyes, “Penelope and Elle, I appreciate the eagerness though.”

You sat down in the chair next to Spencer as he fed Sawyer. You nibbled on the fruit salad you brought and took a few sips of water.

“This all looks delicious, Hotch. Thank you. I wish I could eat more but I don’t want to puke in the pool later.”

“No worries. The morning sickness is still bad?” he asked.

“They should have named it ‘morning, afternoon, and night sickness’ because that seems more fitting,” you joked.

Spencer rubbed your belly softly which always seemed to calm your nausea, “She’s so strong. I feel so bad, I wish I could take all the pain away.”

“No, he’s a saint. He stays up with me all night if I can’t sleep even if he has work in the morning,” you told the team.

“That’s the very least I can do,” Spencer said.

“You both are just too cute!” Penelope exclaimed.

Dancing Queen by ABBA came on through the speakers, coincidentally a song you played a lot both times you were pregnant because it made the babies very active.

Spencer danced with Sawyer who could stand with a little assistance so he placed her on his feet and held her hands so he could move her around with him.

Penelope grinded up against Derek perhaps a bit too much for a Sunday afternoon with coworkers and you laughed as Spencer shielded Sawyer’s eyes. Hotch twirled Jack around in circles.

JJ and Elle brought out a chocolate cake for dessert and you passed it up despite how good it looked, knowing you wouldn’t be able to keep it down.

Spencer noticed you kept squeezing his hand tighter than usual.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

“Yeah, I think the baby is just having a hard time getting comfortable or something…FUCK,” you hissed at the pain.

Everyone stopped their side conversations to look at you.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” JJ asked.

“Yeah sorry, I think I may need to lie down again,” you slowly got up as Spencer grabbed your arm to support you.

You felt a flush of water run down your leg that was way warmer than the pool water.

“Okay then it’s not just in my head. Those really were contractions,” you spoke, “Spencer Reid, this baby is coming out of me.”

This time, you got to see Spencer’s face pale and him go into a state of shock firsthand.

“Spencer,” you whined at the pain again, doubling over.

This seemed to snap him out of the daze he was in.

“Okay, we have the go-bag in the car. It will take us 17 minutes and 23 seconds to get to the hospital including the estimated traffic. I’ll call the obstetrician. Elle and Gideon, it’s your lucky day, you get to babysit. Here’s her diaper bag and a spare key to our house to get her more clothes.”

“What about us?” Derek and Penelope whined.

“You’re both drunk. You can tap in when you’re sober,” Spencer stated, “Okay, let’s go, love. You’re doing so good already. Remember, deep breaths just like the lamaze instructor said.”

“Spencer, tell them I want all the drugs they can give me,” you panted.

“I will,” he nodded, “Anything you need, love. I’ll be right by your side the whole time. Then, after the pain, we’ll get to meet the new baby and you can hold her in your arms forever.”

Spencer continued to make assurances and promises to you as him and Hotch guided you to the car.

“Why don’t we get to help?” Derek and Penelope pouted.

“You can hose her amniotic fluid off of the porch,” Elle replied with a smirk as Gideon rocked Sawyer.

A/N: thank you to @samuel-de-champagne-problems for beta reading!! <3

main taglist (just ask to be added/removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @ssacalumsg0lden @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs @cmily @jswessie187 @rem-ariiana @hoodpankow @mochionly @spencerreid-187 @babymetaldoll @fics4arainyday @ssavanessa22 @all-tings-diego @idonotexiste @beepbooptoop @tvandfanfic @mggsprettygirl @big-galaxy-chaos @navs-bhat @spencerreidsmommy @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @mggs-sidehoe @rexit-mo @hufflepuffhaze @thisismynerdyself @xoxospencerreid @wifeyprentiss @reidsbookclub @spencersrose @pinkdiamond1016

one-shot only taglist: @strawberryspence @fbivestreid

#spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid one shot #dr spencer reid #dad!spencer #criminal minds #cm fic #cm fanfic

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a-simple-gaywitch · 4 years ago

Text

“I’m SO Fired”

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Spencer falls in love with Dave Rossi’s adopted daughter

Word Count: 2038

Warnings: canon-typical violence, mentions of brutal case, mentions of death of parents, that’s it. it’s mostly fluff

“Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” -Anton Chekhov

Spencer was leaning over Emily’s desk, helping her with some details of her paperwork. He glanced up and noticed a beautiful woman briefly talking to Anderson before entering through the glass doors.

“Reid. Reid!” Emily said, snapping her fingers to get his attention.

“What? Oh, sorry.”

Emily shook her head. “And just like that, 187 gets slashed to 60.”

The woman walked over to the desk with the two. “Uh, hi,” you said. “Is Dave Rossi here?”

“Oh, um, he should be here. Did you- do you have a meeting with him?” Spencer asked.

“Kind of,” you said with a small laugh that made Spencer’s stomach flutter. “I’m-”

“(Y/N)!” Hotch said when he saw you.

“Aaron!”

Emily and Spencer exchanged glances as you gave Aaron a brief hug.

“Are you here to see your dad?” he asked you.

“Yeah, is he here?”

“He should be in his office. How long are you in town?”

“Just the weekend,” you said. “But I’m coming back in June for vacation.”

“Well, I’ll let you go see your dad,” Hotch said. As you walked up the stairs, he turned to see Spencer gawking at you. Emily looked at Hotch apologetically. Hotch sighed and said, “Reid, focus on your paperwork, not (Y/N) Rossi.”

You knocked on the office door, waiting to hear your father’s voice.

“Come in!” You pushed open the door and your adoptive father’s face lit up. “Tesorina!” he said, getting up to kiss your cheeks. “I was wondering when you were getting in. How’s work? And what about that boyfriend of yours? Anything-”

“Dad,” you said, cutting him off. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know at dinner. But you promised you’d introduce me to your team the next time I was in town.”

“I did promise that, didn’t I?” he said, pushing up from his desk. He slung his arm around your shoulder and steered you out of his office. The team was gathered in the bullpen, and they all turned to face Rossi when he cleared his throat. “Guys, this is my daughter, (Y/N).” He then introduced each team member to you, save for Aaron.

“Wow, Rossi, I didn’t know you even had a daughter,” Morgan said.

“Gee, Dad, you don’t talk about me to your coworkers? I’m hurt,” you said, pressing your hand over your heart.

Rossi rolled his eyes. “Drama queen.”

“So, you’re a Rossi?” Emily asked you.

“Not biologically. Dave adopted me when I was five,” you explained.

“Initially, I was just fostering her for a little while, but I fell in love with this little rascal,” he said, ruffling your hair.

You set about fixing your hair. “Well, I gotta run. See you at the house for dinner?”

“Yeah, I should be done around 6. Don’t get into trouble.”

“Me, get into trouble? When have I ever been known to do that?” You shot a wink at the man you now knew to be Dr. Reid before leaving the BAU.

Spencer’s cheeks turned pink and he felt Rossi’s eyes on him. He looked down at his desk, busying himself with organizing his pen cup. When he heard Rossi’s office door close, he let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

Derek rolled his chair over to Spencer’s desk. “You’re looking a little flushed there, Pretty Boy. That wouldn’t have anything to do with Ms. Rossi, would it?”

“Shut up, Morgan,” he muttered, focusing on folding a small piece of paper on his desk into even smaller squares.

Dave walked into his house (mansion) to the smell of garlic bread and tomato sauce. He smiled and set his coat on the rack by the door.

“You know, I would have cooked!” he called as he made his way to the kitchen. You were setting the table for the both of you.

“Yes, but how often do you actually cook?” you asked him as you poured two glasses of red wine. “You’re always away on cases, I know how much fast food and takeout you eat. Now shut up and enjoy my carbonara.”

Dave chuckled and sat down at the table across from you. “So, how’s work going?” he asked you.

You shrugged. “You know, there’s good days and bad days. We had a brother and his little sister get adopted together this week, which is always one of the big wins for us.”

He nodded. “What about that boyfriend of yours, Chad?”

“Oh, we broke up,” you said. “About a month ago.”

“Good, I didn’t really like him.”

“Dad, you say that about every guy I date.”

“And it’s true, I haven’t liked any of the guys you’ve dated.”

“Yeah, the only guys you’ve liked have been the ones you’ve tried to set me up with.”

“That’s not true!”

“Dad, remember Stephen?”

“I thought you would be a good match, honest. And before you say it, it’s not just because I’m overly protective.”

“So, we can admit you’re overprotective of me?” you said.

“Of course I am. And can you blame me?”

“I guess not,” you said with a shrug. “And you could be worse. I could still be living here.”

“Oh, come on. Would that be so bad, having a huge house mostly to yourself?”

“Well, no, but I like living in Pennsylvania,” you said. “And I like having an apartment.” Your father gave you a skeptical look. “Stop profiling me.”

“Sorry, it’s hard to turn it off.” He took a sip of his wine. “You’re planning to go to the cemetery tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“I do every year, you know that.”

“Yeah. They’d be so proud of you, you know.”

You smiled down at your plate and pushed the pasta around. “I know. I, uh, I don’t have many memories of them anymore,” you said. “But the one I’ve been trying to get rid of is still there.”

Dave reached across the table and grabbed your hand. “Hey. Your parents loved you, so much. That’s all you need to remember, okay? They loved you so much that they sacrificed themselves for you.”

“Yeah.”

You lost your parents when you were five. There was a serial killer in the Greater DC Area, a family annihilator. He’d called himself the Orphan Maker. The man would seek out young families with kids no older than 8 and kill the parents first, in front of the children. Then he would kill the children.

Rossi had been on that case, and had found that your family was the next target. Unfortunately, they did not get to your family before the man killed your parents. But fortunately, they caught him before he could get you.

Rossi felt guilty they didn’t make it in time. When the law officers found that you didn’t have any family to take you in, Dave offered to bring you home. The plan was to originally just be a foster parent to you until CPS found a place for you to stay officially. But he fell in love with you. You were a little spitfire, a little troublemaker. Dave adopted you and dedicated the rest of his life to taking care of you and protecting you.

“Hey, Rossi!” Morgan said as he met the man in the kitchen to get coffee. “How was your weekend with (Y/N)?”

Rossi noticed Reid’s back straighten at the mention of (Y/N)’s name. He smiled to himself, a plan forming in his head. It was a bit of a convoluted plan, but it would work out for everyone in the end.

“Oh, it was fine. She made me watch an episode of that show Reid and Garcia like.” He glanced over at Spencer’s desk and noticed he was listening intently. “I agreed since she’s still recovering from a recent breakup.”

“Is she okay?” Derek asked. “I know breakups can really suck.”

“She’ll be okay, she bounces back quick. I didn’t like the guy anyway. He was a meathead jock who thought being the high school quarterback was his entire personality. I want her to find a guy who’s smart and kind, someone I like.” He walked out of the kitchenette and passed Reid’s desk. He clapped his shoulder. “Morning, Reid.”

You were back in the area for a week-long vacation, and Dave had promised to go sight-seeing in DC with you.

You walked into the bullpen and were greeted by Penelope, who had quickly become your friend. She wrapped you in a hug before Rossi made his way over to you.

“Hey, Dad. You ready to go?” you asked after giving him a hug.

“Um, actually, I have to work late. But, you know, Dr. Reid here,” Spencer’s head snapped up from where he was packing his bag at the mention of his name, “knows more about the area than anyone I know. He can show you around. Right, Reid?”

Spencer looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.”

You smiled at him and Spencer felt the butterflies that were already in his stomach go crazy. The two of you walked out of the office, Spencer nervously gripping the strap of his bag while you walked alongside him.

Penelope looked at Rossi narrowing her eyes. “You don’t have to work late.”

Rossi smiled. “No.”

Penelope gasped. “You’re trying to set them up, aren’t you?”

“I will neither confirm nor deny,” Rossi said before walking back to his office.

“So, Dr. Reid,” you said as the two of you walked out of the FBI building, “I heard you’re a huge Doctor Who fan.”

Spencer turned to look at you, losing his footing and tripping on the sidewalk. He straightened himself up and cleared his throat. “You, uh, you can call me Spencer. And yeah, I’m-I’m a fan.”

You smiled and Spencer thought the sun had come out again with the brightness you radiated. “Who’s your favorite? Personally, I’m a Tennent girl, but Baker is a close second.” Spencer was staring at you, his jaw dropped. “What?”

“You might be the hottest girl I’ve ever met.”

When Spencer woke up, the first thing he noticed was the beautiful woman asleep next to him, her head on his bare chest. He smiled and ran his hand through your hair as you started stirring.

“Morning,” he said as you looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest.

“Morning, Pretty Boy.” You saw his smile falter and his eyes go wide. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m so fired,” he said. “I slept with my boss’s daughter. I’m so fired. No, I’m more than fired. I’m dead. Rossi is going to kill me.”

“Hey. Spence, breathe,” you said, cupping his face in your hands. “He’s not going to do anything to you. And if he tries, he’ll face my wrath.”

Spencer chuckled. “Well, after that guy drove through that puddle and splashed you last night, I believe it.” He was silent for a moment as the two of you sat up in the bed. Spencer wrapped his arms around you, pulling your back to his chest. “What are you going to tell him when you go home?”

You shrugged, leaning your head back. “The truth. I got to know a sweet guy last night and I stayed the night at his place.”

Spencer smiled and gave you a soft kiss.

You slipped into the Rossi Manor, feeling like a teenager missing curfew again. You got about halfway through the kitchen before hearing Dave clear his throat. You spun around to see him standing by the kitchen island with a cup of coffee.

“Oh, uh, morning, Dad.”

“So, you were out all night.”

“Yep.”

“And you’re wearing the same clothes.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Who is he?” When you didn’t answer, he said, “Spencer?”

Your face paled. “How did-”

“You didn’t really think you could hide that from an old profiler, did you?” He handed you the mug. “Don’t worry, I approve. I’d be more than happy to have Spencer as a son.”

“Dad!”

“I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.” - J.R.R. Tolkien

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #x reader #rossi!reader #criminal minds #em's fics

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akimagies · 4 years ago

Text

late night phone calls: Matt Simmons

Matt Simmons x female!Reader (Rossi’s daughter)

WORD COUNT: 2,136

WARNINGS: tw: mentions of Scratch

SUMMERY: Based off of 13x01, and how I see the events of it happening between Matt Simmons, and his fiancé Y/N Rossi that night

A/N: so just a little heads up: yes, this character’s father is the david rossi AND the communications liaison for the team. no, i do not have her mother being married or even divorced to david. she (and her twin brother) are byproducts of a one night stand between their parents, and the two had shared custody of them. ((i am thinking of making this a series, so if you like this please comment or message me saying i should continue this))

Late night phone calls during the night were never the best to happen, especially because it wasn’t from either of the two people sleeping in the bed together. Y/N Rossi had recently just started her maternity leave, and the short hours of sleep had just started since there was a newborn baby in the home. It seemed like the little baby girl in the house could wake up to a pin dropping on the floor. It also didn’t help that their three-year-old son liked to wake them up early in the morning as well. So, when Matt and Y/N heard one of their phone’s ringing, the two immediately shot up from their positions on their bed, and leaned over to the nightstand to see which one of them was getting the call. When Y/N looked at her screen though, it showed nothing but some Facebook and Instagram notifications.

“Simmons here.” Was what Y/N heard from the other side of the bed. She was thankful that it wasn’t her own phone call. With the baby still trying to get a sleeping schedule, the poor woman was exhausted.

“Hey-hey! Penelope calm down, repeat what you said but slower.” Matt repeated as all he heard on the other line was just gibberish. Penelope finally calmed down on the other side of the line what was going on. Scratch was back and six team members, including his future father-in-law, signals were all offline. Matt was the one member that wasn’t on the BAU to know about all the current information on Scratch. They choose him since he would be someone that wouldn’t be with the team incase Scratch attacked, and Penelope would be able to call to help with the case and actually know what was happening. “Alright, I’ll be at the office as fast as I can.” Matt said as he swung his legs over his side of the bed and started to head for the closet to put some actual cloth on, instead of the boxers he was wearing.

With the lights and the movement that happening, Y/N sat up from the bed and looked over at her fiancé. “What’s going on? Why are you getting dressed?” She asked as she sat up in bed, turning her lamp on as she looked over at Matt getting dressed.

“Garcia called me; she needs me to come in to help her.” Matt told her as he looked over at her as he threw one of his shirts on before grabbing a button up to put on over the shirt.

“Well, I guess that means I should get up and start getting dressed too. Pen’s probably going to be ringing me soon. I could call my mom up and just drop off Alexander and Lacie with her.” She said rubbing her eyes as she slowly started to sit up, but Matt hurried over to her and pushed her shoulder’s back down towards the bed.

“Nope, Penelope strictly said that you were not to be called onto the case Y/N. You just had a baby. You need some sleep, and since the IRT disbanded, I’ve been dying for a case.” Matt said as he leaned down to place a kiss on top of her forehead. “I will be back as soon as I can, alright?”

“Alright.” Y/N said smiling as she looked up at Matt and smiled up at him. “I love you, and be careful, please.” She said as she squeezed his hand tightly.

“I always am, aren’t I?” he asked her smiling before placing a quick kiss onto her lips before he walked out of the bedroom door and hurried down the steps, knowing that the team really need his help. He was glad that he didn’t tell Y/N, knowing if he did, it would have worried her even more then she was already.

☾ . ° . ⋆⠀┊---------------------------------------------------------------┊ ⋆⠀. ° . ☾

It didn’t take long for Y/N to fall back asleep, except this time, it was her phone that woke her up. “Hello?” She asked as she answered the phone.

“Is this Miss Rossi?” the female voice on the other side of the line asked.

“Yes, this is she, can I ask who this is?” Y/N asked a she soon stood up from the bed and started to walk over to the closet.

“This is Nurse Hugh’s over at D.C General Hospital. Your father, David Rossi, was brought in tonight with the rest of his team. Since you are his emergency contact, we decided to notify you. He is though refusing medical treatment for right now, so we would really appreciate it if you could come down at this hour and speak some sense into him.” The nurse asked her over the phone.

Of-course her father was refusing treatment, it didn’t shock her at all. “Yes, I will be down as soon as I can.” She said to the woman over the phone, before hanging up and hurrying to throw on some cloths that looked appropriate, all before hurrying and throwing a diaper bag together for little Lacie, and pack some snacks and things to entertain Alexander. She knew that she would have to bring her son and the little baby with her now, to try and convince her father to actually get medical treatment.

☾ . ° . ⋆⠀┊---------------------------------------------------------------┊ ⋆⠀. ° . ☾

It only took a short time to drive to the hospital, and soon enough, she was walking in with Alexander holding her right hand and walking, while she had Lacie in her stroller. “What the hell are you doing here? Your supposed to be on maternity leave, not working a case?” Luke asked once he saw the woman walking in with her baby to the hospital where all the team members. He soon grabbed the stroller out of her hands and started to walk with her while pushing the stroller.

“I’m not coming to work the case Luke, I’m my dad’s emergency contact. So, they called me to say he was denying medical treatment.” She said before following Luke to the room where her father was staying in. Once inside, she saw her father laying on the hospital bed, with a bandage taped around the hair line on his forehead. “Now, why the hell are you denying medical treatment?” Y/N asked her father as she watched Luke place the baby stroller off to the side for her.

“I said, I would accept medical treatment once Luke and Spence went to my office and opened my desk to grab those Cubs season tickets that I’ve been promising him.” Rossi said, giving his daughter a pointed look, as to stay just go with it.

“Alright, well can you two head off then? I would really appreciate it if my father was actually checked out by the doctors.” She told the two men standing in front of her before watching them walk out of the room.

“Grandpa, up.” Alexander said as he put up his arms while standing on the side of his bed. The two were very close, maybe it was the fact that her father insisted on Sunday dinners with the family now.

Y/N walked over to the side of the bed and put her hands under Alexander’s arms and picked him up to sit on the edge of the bed, as she pushed some of the strands of hair out of his face. “You didn’t call your brother or mother about this all did you?” Rossi asked his daughter, hoping that she wouldn’t have called either.

“Mom, no. She would have been glad that you were in here and said you deserved it. It may have been decades since everything, but mom keeps grudges. Nicholas on the other hand I did call.?” She said as she soon saw her father about to start lecturing her on calling her twin brother this late at night. “I called him just to let him know what’s going on, besides he’s not even asleep yet. He’s off in California working on a case.” She told her father. It wasn’t a surprise that THE David Rossi, who started the BAU, would have twins that would both be working as Special Agents. While Y/N now worked for the BAU with her father, she at first worked before with the IRT, where she met her fiancé. While, her twin brother Nicholas worked for NCIS.

“Well, I’m glad. I only one worry child for tonight.” Rossi told his daughter smiling. Soon enough, the doctors were allowed to come in and check Rossi for the injuries he might have sustained in the car accident.

☾ . ° . ⋆⠀┊---------------------------------------------------------------┊ ⋆⠀. ° . ☾

It only took a few hours, but the team had been able to catch Scratch before he could do any more harm to anyone. It might have been wrong to say, but Matt felt amazing right now. He had been missing the thrill of being out there in the field, working on taking down an unsub. Yet, all he wanted to do now after taking down Scratch, was take his family home. Which is why he was standing in the open door, looking into Rossi’s hospital room to see Y/N and Alexander both curled up on the tiny couch with one another, while Lacie was asleep in her stroller. “I told her that she needed her rest.” Matt said sighing as he walked into the room.

“And you really thought she would listen? I raised her; I know she has selective hearing.” Rossi told Matt smiling as he chuckled shaking his head. “Take them home, you all need your rest. Their keeping me over night just to make sure nothing is wrong with me. Then you all can come be my ride home since my car isn’t here.” Rossi told Matt smiling.

“I’ll just leave Y/N’s keys here for you, then you can just drive home and we’ll all come over later in the day for dinner.” Matt said smiling before walking over to where Y/N was sleeping, and shaking her shoulder gently. “Hey, time to go home and get some sleep there.” Matt spoke quietly, trying not to wake up Alex in her arms.

Y/N nodded her head before sitting up from the bed slowly before getting up and passing over slowly before looking over at her father. “Are you sure you are okay for us to leave you for the night?” She asked her father as she soon started to wheel Lacie around the room.

“Yes, I am perfectly fine. You two get some sleep, and make sure my grandchildren are up and ready to eat some of grandpa Rossi’s food tomorrow.” Rossi told his daughter smiling.

“Well Alexander is the only one that can eat your food, as for Lacie, I can’t promise she’s going to be up. She likes to take multiple naps throughout the day.” Y/N said smiling as she walked over to her dad and kiss his forehead. “Love ya dad.” She said smiling.

“Love you too sunshine.” Rossi said smiling as he watched the couple soon walk out of the room.

“Alright, let’s go home and get these kids to bed.” Matt said smiling as the two of them soon walked out to his black SUV that was parked near the front of the hospital.

☾ . ° . ⋆⠀┊---------------------------------------------------------------┊ ⋆⠀. ° . ☾

It seemed as if sleep was just not for the two parents tonight once they got back home. Alex had woken up right when the car stopped, so Matt had gone to go read the young boy a book. While that was happening, Lacie had decided to wake up as well, though she was waking up because she was hungry. So, Y/N had heated up a bottle for the little girl. By the time that the two children had back fallen asleep, it was near 3 in the morning.

The two parents soon laid back down in their bed after the event full night. Y/N placed her head on Matt’s chest and soon asked, “We can do this right?”

“Do what?”

“Be two working FBI agents, while also being parents of two kids?”

“Of-course we can.”

“A-are you sure?”

Matt soon moved up a little to look down at her. “Of-course we can, we are two badass parents that can handle everything that’s thrown at us.” He told her smiling.

Y/N soon let out a yawn. “Your right we are two badass parents.” She said smiling

“And now these two badass parents need their sleep.”

“Oh, you are correct about that. I love you.” She said as she let her eyes flutter shut.

“I love you too.” Matt whispered to her before pressing a kiss into her hair, and letting his eyes shut as well.

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spencestyles · 4 years ago

Text

Her

summary: the one where y/n is tired of being second to Maeve and Spencer needs to learn his lesson

pairing: spencer reid x BAU!femreader

warnings: angst

words: 3050

*not my gif*

~~~~~~~~~~~

To you, it had always been about her. What she did, how she looked, was all based on her. You wanted to make Spencer happy, but you could never compare to her.

"Spencer, I don't understand what I need to do," you yelled in frustration.

"There is nothing you can do y/n," Spencer yelled back. Your relationship had been going on like this for a few weeks. you knew about his past and knew about Maeve. Yes, Maeve, the girl Spencer will forever love. Within the past weeks, Spencer has become more distant from you. The five year anniversary of Maeve's death is right around the corner. Whenever this time of the year comes around, Spencer becomes heavily depressed. Every time, you just shrug it off.

"Spence, I want to help you," you said softly, exhausted from all the arguing. "Can I please help you." You worked at the BAU she joined shortly after Maeve's death. You immediately hit it off with the entire team besides Spencer. He was still different, as the rest of the team had told you.

"You can't help y/n," Spencer cried. "I just want Maeve back." Your heart dropped at the sentence. you had always felt second to Maeve, no matter how many times Spencer or the rest of the team denied it.

"I can't do that Spencer," you said calmly, trying not to anger Spencer.

"Then maybe you can start acting more like her," Spencer said angrily. "Maybe pick up a damn book instead of watching fucking Grey's Anatomy. Or maybe do something good with your life besides being pretty. I miss Maeve so much."

At this point, you were enraged, "Spencer, I am not going to change who I am because you want a dead person back. Do you understand how difficult it is for me to live through this every year? Every year you forget I'm your girlfriend and I'm alive."

"Shut up y/n. I will never love you as much as I love Maeve. You are just a filler in my life right now," Spencer screamed. You immediately began to grab her things to take to her best friend, Penelope's, house. Spencer realized what he had done and began to protest your departure from your apartment.

"y/n I didn't mean it," Spencer cried, but you were already out the door. You quickly made you way to the street when you realized you left your car keys in the apartment. You decided to walk to Penelope's as it wasn't far and you didn't want to walk back to the apartment where Spencer would be begging for his forgiveness.

As you walked to Penelope's apartment as quickly as you could, you began to feel a presence from behind. You began to walk at a faster pace, but the figure behind you was faster. Suddenly, you felt a pain in her head.

Then all you saw was darkness.

Spencer knew you would be spending the night over at Penelope's, so he didn't worry too much when you didn't come back to your shared apartment. He also knew Penelope was not going to want to talk to him, especially after what he had said. However, the next morning when he woke up, he felt uneasy. When he tried to call you, you didn't answer (not like you were going to). Spencer expected you to not answer after your encounter last night, but when you are angry you don't let the rings drag on like they had; you just cancel the call.

Spencer immediately called Penelope, "Hey Garcia is y/n with you?" Spencer heard shuffling.

"No, why?" Penelope asked. Spencer became frantic as he realized his beloved girlfriend was missing.

"Garcia we need to call 911 to the team, y/n is missing," Spencer said as he packed his bag to work and immediately ran to the car.

Once the whole team made it to the office, Spencer was worried what he would have to say to the team. He knew they would be pissed at him for what he said to you, they all knew it was a touchy subject to you. You had cried to the girls (as well as Hotch) about this issue many, many times. But they all also knew Spencer loved you, more than he loved Maeve.

"Spencer you called 911, whats up?" JJ asked.

"y/n and I got into a fight last night and she left and I thought she was going to Penelope's but she never made it to Penelope's and she isn't answering her phone," Spencer said in a rushed sentence. "It may not seem like a lot yet, but something is wrong. I can feel it."

"Now what did you two fight about?" Hotch asked sternly. You and Hotch had always been close. You had a close father daughter bond since your father died when you were a teenager.

"Please don't get mad at me. I know I screwed up," Spencer began. "But I said some really stupid things. I was in a funk last night because of the anniversary of Maeve's death and I said some stupid things. She was just trying to help me get better and I basically told her to her face she wasn't good enough. I told her I would never love her as much as I love Maeve."

At this point, Spencer had begun crying. However, the rest of the team had a mixture of shocked, disappointed, and pissed off looks on their faces. You were the baby of the team still, she was young and bubbly and she loved Spencer. Maeve was a tough situation for y/n and it eventually began to take a toll on the whole team. You would get insecure at the smallest things and had a hard time with stalker cases because of the connection to Maeve.

"Okay, this is now a running investigation," Hotch said. "We all know y/n would have texted one of us to tell us she was safe if she was okay. Spencer, my office now." Hotch was pissed. You, who was basically his daughter at that point, was missing and it was all because of Spencer. Spencer knew he fucked up, but Hotch needed to make sure Spencer knew if you were found dead, there was no way out for him.

"Spencer, I am not mad at you yet," Hotch stated calmly. "But let me tell you know and let me tell you clearly, if y/n dies because you decided to be a dick, you will not feel the end of it. We both know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you. I lost Hayley, you lost Maeve. And since then, y/n has been the best thing that has happened to both of us. So Spencer Reid, so help me god, if y/n is dead, your job will be a living hell. Leave my office now and put yourself to good use." Spencer gulped. He knew Hotch would be pissed, but didn't realize how pissed.

Everyone in the bull pin knew what had happened in Hotch's office. None of them felt bad. They knew Spencer couldn't continue to undermine the importance of you to Maeve, a dead girl. They knew how you felt, especially the girls. The countless nights you had cried to them about how you felt you would never be good enough for Spencer. They knew Spencer's constant mention of Maeve hurt you.

As Spencer walked into the bull pin, he noticed the stares. He knew they were disappointed, especially the girls. He knew Morgan would be disappointed because he was the only one who knew how much Spencer truly loved you. While you were crying to the girls, Spencer was over at Derek's trying to find ways to make it up to you, to find ways to prove to you that you were his one and only. Maeve was in the past, but sometimes her memory began to creep up in Spencer.

"Can everyone stop looking at me like a criminal," Spencer said to the team looking down. "I know what I said and I know you all are upset, but we need to find her please. I can't stand to know she may be dead and died thinking that I didn't love her. Because I do. More than I ever loved Maeve and I messed up. I need to save her." The team looked at Spencer with sorrow in their eyes. They knew he was right. They needed to stop holding a grudge and get to work. None of them could live knowing they didn't do everything they could to save you.

"Spencer is right, Garcia start looking at security cameras from the area we found y/n's phone," Hotch began ordering. "Reid I need you to make a list of everyone who you and y/n have been in contact with for the past few months. Everyone else, we need to start looking for similar cases and try to figure out a profile."

The whole team got to work. Spencer looked through his phone as well as his and y/n's emails. While looking through your emails he found a strange set of emails from an unknown email address. This was strange to Spencer, he knew you never kept anything from the team especially if it were to be suspicious.

"Garcia, I need you to trace these emails," Spencer said, walking quickly to Garcia's office.

"Reid did you find something?" Hotch asked.

"I'm not sure," Spencer replied. "But it's strange for y/n to have these emails in a separate file. It's like she didn't want us to find them."

"Or she wanted us to find them in a situation like this," Hotch said. "Garcia look into these emails now, we may have our unsub."

------

You laid on a musty mattress that smelled of human feces and blood. You couldn't remember anything. You knew what had happened to you, Spencer told you he didn't love you as much as Maeve and you walked to Penelope's house. By the looks of it, you never made it to Penelope's. Soon enough the figure you felt behind you on your walk was in front of you.

"Well if it isn't y/n y/l/n," the person said. "My name is Cat. Cat Adams. You are here because you are keeping me from Spencer. I knew that if I kidnapped you, Spencer would come looking and I'd get to see his beautiful face again."

"I know who you are, Cat," you said aggressively. "I helped put your ass in jail, but from the looks of it you escaped."

"That I did," Cat laughed. "Its easy when you're fucking the guards." You felt a gross feeling in your stomach. You knew what was going to happen to you, but you also knew if she died, she wouldn't die until she could see Spencer one last time.

Suddenly, you felt a sharp pain at the left side of your waist. You looked at Cat and who was looking at her straight in the eyes. Cat had won.

------

However, back at the BAU, Spencer knew something in the emails sounded familiar.

I love him more than you do.

He will be mine forever.

There was only one woman in your relationship together that would be this judgemental, Cat Adams. Spencer knew she too made your life miserable. The thought of Cat to you was almost as gut wrenching as the thought of Maeve. You knew Cat and Spencer had a strange connection, it would often worry you; especially when Cat would request to meet with Spencer.

"Its Cat," Spencer yelled. "Hotch its Cat Adams." Everyone looked at Spencer shocked. The team was never told of Cat escaping prison.

"I need to call the prison," Hotch said. "Garcia, start looking at Cat Adams whereabouts, aliases, or anything. I have a feeling Spencer is right." Garcia immediately started looking as Hotch called the prison.

"Spencer is right," Hotch said. "Cat escaped less than a week ago."

"I found it," Garcia screamed. "Cat is at a warehouse less than three miles from here. Go quickly and save my best friend." The team ran out of the building and sprinted to their cars. Spencer was nervous. He had a feeling in the back of his head that his girlfriend was dead.

Immediately after getting into the car, the team receives a call from Garcia, "Cat has a partner. His name is Jackson Donovan. He has a criminal record and its not good. Spencer I should also mention he is Maeve's brother. You know, your dead girlfriend." Spencer was shocked. He never knew Maeve had a brother, but he knew that you may not get out of this alive. And it would be his fault. The team arrived at the warehouse.

"Spencer you're not allowed in," Hotch said. "You are too close to y/n."

"Hotch that's so not fai-" Spencer began.

"Reid I'm not going in either." Spencer didn't listen and ran into the building with Hotch yelling behind him. Hotch decided it was no use and ran in also, he needed to see you alive one more time.

"Cat Adams and Jackson Donovan, FBI put your hands up," Morgan yelled. The sight they ran into was gruesome. You had been badly beaten. Suddenly, Spencer walked in with tears in his eyes. The love of his life was dying, you looked sick. You hadn't eaten in over a day, since you and Spencer had planned on going out for a nice dinner the night of your fight.

"Well if it isn't Spencer Reid," Jackson said. "The guy my sister couldn't stop talking about. I know how you must feel, the love of your life is gone and you need a good fuck. So you decide to go for the second best thing. She's a good shag, I'm not sure if you've been fucking her right though, shes pretty tight."

"Stop, please," you pleaded. For the first time, the team saw you true pain. You were broken. Not only had your boyfriend say he didn't love you, you had been mentally and emotionally abused by these two people who wanted to ruin Spencer.

"Shut up three," Cat laughed. "Spencer, do you like the name? Three. Do you know what it means?" Spencer shook his head. "It means that y/n is your third choice. You lost Maeve, you can't have me -well you could-, so you're stuck with her. She's nothing, she's the third choice. That's why she acts so strange. Did you know that at the beginning of your relationship she stopped eating to be skinnier for you. She always felt second to Maeve and me."

"Shut up Cat, please," you said hoarsely.

"Three, do I have to tell you again," Cat said. At this point the team was beyond confused, they needed either of them to do something in order for them to stop.

"Cat, come on let's talk about this," JJ said.

"I'll only talk to Spencer," Cat said with a smirk on her face. Suddenly, the team saw Jackson make a lunge with a knife towards you, angry that Cat only wanted Spencer. Morgan took the shot swiftly as Reid handcuffed Cat.

Hotch ran over to you, "y/n, sweetie, are you okay? What do you need." You began to close your eyes. "Hey, hey, hey, don't close your eyes. You're going to be fine. MEDIC! We need a medic now!" The team felt tears in their eyes as they saw the paramedics rush to tend to you.

"Hotch can I go wit-" Spencer started.

"Go Spencer, apologize." Spencer ran to the ambulance.

"She is my girlfriend, please let me stay," Spencer begged, the medics let him stay. Spencer grabbed your hand and looked at your half closed eyes. "y/n if you can hear me, I didn't mean anything I said. I love you more than anything. I love the way you can watch a show and tell me all about it even though I watched with you. I love that you can put up with me when I'm in my episodes and the fact you don't care that I may be a paranoid schizophrenic. I love that you listen to my rambles even if you have heard them before."

"Sir, sorry to interrupt, but is there any chance your girlfriend may be pregnant," Spencer thought for a minute.

Spencer's eyes shot down at you as he heard a loud breath, "S-S-Spencer, save the baby," you said between breaths. Spencer looked at you shocked. His girlfriend was pregnant and he didn't notice. He began to think back to before your argument and the things you said. "Spencer I have a surprise for you, I think you're going to like it." Spencer's heart dropped as he heard the heart monitor flatline.

"We need her in OR 3 now," one of the doctors said. "Sir, you need to go to the waiting room, someone will be out to give you an update soon." Spencer was stunned, his girlfriend and child may die and he would have to live with the guilt of not being good enough.

Spencer walked into the waiting room and saw the rest of the team, "Jackson and Cat are being held, any updates on y/n?" Hotch asked.

"They had to take her to surgery, she flatlined in the ambulance," Spencer said, his voice breaking. "She's pregnant." The team sat quiet.

"We all already knew Spencer," Rossi said. "Earlier in the day before you guys got into your fight, she told us. She was so excited and she wanted to tell you in the most perfect way."

"I told her to just come out and say it like Hayley did to me," Hotch laughed. "It caught me by surprise but was the most meaningful statement I'd ever heard." The team smiled at Hotch, but looked at Spencer who looked the worst he ever has. None of the team had seen him look this bad. Not even with Maeve. Soon enough, most of the team left. Hotch had to go to Jack and JJ to her kids. Derek had a date with his girlfriend and the rest of them needed their sleep.

"Spencer," Emily said. "Please text us when she wakes up." Spencer nodded, which was enough for both of them this late into the night.

Less than ten minutes later y/n's doctors came into the waiting room, "Here for y/n y/l/n?" Spencer stood up.

"Hi," Spencer said, walking over to them. "I'm her boyfriend."

"Well she is doing well right now, we were worried at first. She flatlined twice on the operation board." Spencer let out a breath he did not know he was holding.

"She was pregnant, what about the baby?" Spencer asked, hoping that y/n was still carrying their unborn child.

"The baby is being monitored, but it looks as if the baby is almost four months along meaning there is a low chance of the baby getting hurt. However, the baby was under a lot of stress from the abduction." The doctor began to show Spencer to your room. Spencer couldn't help but wonder if he caused any of the stress on the baby. The things he said most definitely caused you an enormous amount of stress.

As Spencer walked into the room, he couldn't help but shed a tear. You had wires around your body and you looked bad. Not bad, but like you were just kidnapped.

Spencer texted the team, y/n is out of surgery. She and the baby are okay. The team didn't respond as it was three in the morning.

Spencer heard shuffling next to him. He looked over at you and saw you move slightly, your hand moving to her stomach. For the first time, he looked over at your stomach and noticed you bump. He was shocked he hadn't seen it before, it was very prominent. Well it was what he'd expect for four months.

"y/n I know you most likely can't hear me or you don't want to listen, but I need you to know I love you" Spencer began. "You are the best thing that has happened to me, I know you always feel second to Maeve, but she is a part of my past. You y/n, you are my present and my future. I confided in you when I was at my lowest, when I was in jail you were there. You and our baby. Holy shit we are going to have a kid." Spencer paused when he heard a giggle. He looked over to y/n, she had a smile on her face.

"Hi" y/n said.

"Oh my God you're awake" Spencer said with tears in his eyes. "I thought I lost you."

"You're never getting rid of me" y/n giggled. "Actually, maybe if you act like that again. I will leave you and take your child." You glared at Spencer, remembering why you were in this situation.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you," Spencer cried. "I love you, I love you so much. I'm going to do everything for this baby and everything to make this up to you."

"You better."

#criminal minds oneshot #criminal minds one shot #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid

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