#but whatever the case hi lol. hope you're doing well mysterious person!

[inkydiamonds]

Hi 🫶

Hi! Uh, who are you? What's up?

[asherloki]

My tiny

Sherlock x petite!reader

Request:- Hello! Fellow writer here :) 8 and 9 on the smutty one liners for sherlock x reader? Maybe he was thinking about her in his head (mind palace, whatever lol) and he called her to baker street and deducted she wanted him back? :) take this as far as you want or don't do it at all. Nothing but love <3 ~ @run-clever-boy

Smut

Word count:- 4144

A/n:- I'm not good at smut, I hope you still like it.

Prompt lists!

I walked upstairs almost as fast as I can and stood infront of Sherlock's door. As I came home after office I recieved a text from him "come at once, case ... Mostly - SH". Sherlock Holmes is the one who discovered my talent which I never knew I had. Solving mysteries. I was never into detective fiction either, until one day I met him he immediately asked me a few questions. He says he deduced I have an analytical brain, a brain to form thousands of theories, imageries which often are the reason for my distress, so he wanted to use my brain for something good. I started to tag along with him and John Watson. He took me to the cases which weren't dangerous for a woman. To him I'm rather a tiny woman, he even calls me tiny sometimes, which I first showed irritation to, but in my heart I know how much I like when he calls me that. So, the cases which are dangerous for a tiny woman like me he makes sure I solve, or help in solving them from their flat. As much as possible. He even let me talk to clients. I don't know what is the name of this relationship of ours, is he a guide, shaping me into a better person or ... I don't know but I actually like the fact that he doesn't care about women. Except for some, Molly Hooper his friend, Mrs Hudson his landlady, eurus his sister but it's complicated, and there's been someone else who intrigued this poor detective with her wit. He talks rather highly of Miss Irene Adler. His respect towards her makes me like her too, even though she's a criminal. Also that compliment, well I hope he meant it as a compliment when he said, "you're witty, like the woman". He likes my wit, intellectual debate. He sometimes brings up such topics of which I can speak of passionately, passion, he likes it. He also -

"Why didn't you knock?" The detective came opening the door, reminding me I've been standing there like a fool without knocking.

"Oh ... Sorry, I just-" I ran out of excuses, "let me in detective" I entered, his tall body couldn't stop my 5ft tall one to pass through the door.

"Welcome I guess" he said closing the door, "well it's my chair" he pointed towards his chair which I occupied.

"So? There's still alot of space there" apparently Sherlock himself is a lean man and I am petite as well, "anyway you said there's a case for me".

"Oh yes wait" he nodded and recalled about it, he went straight to his mantle piece and pulled out a letter which he handed me saying "here".

"From Mr Laurent" I read, "isn't he a detective too?"

Sherlock nodded in response.

"To miss... Wait it's for me?" I was stunned, a detective needed help but from me and not from.., "I don't understand".

"Seems like Mr Laurent has a crush on you" he said anything, I rolled my eyes and opened the letter,

"Let's read it" I said and read the letter contained the case Mr Laurent needed my help with, an old man was murdered in Venice, his four sons and their wives were in the house with three strangers, he's known for his reckless lifestyle when he was young, Mr Laurent also sent me a ticket to Venice. I read the whole thing out loud and Mr Holmes, my friend, I hope I can call him so, listened attentively, "he needs my help? But it's rather clear, who did it."

"Who did it?" No comment was made on his part to the request of help instead he asked about my theory for the case.

"Isn't it obvious, three strangers at his house exactly at the time of his murder? I mean, look he was known for his reckless lifestyle when he was young, which I'd like to believe involved women, who knows, how many enemies he harboured for himself and who knows how many illegitimate children, atleast one wouldn't surprise me, we need to check on the strangers, if the family members were to do it they would've done it anyday, won't even make a fuss about it, even though it's possible they chose this time to put the blame on the strangers but I believe the wealth of this old man would go to them anyway, they're the legal family but these strangers." I looked at Sherlock, he stood at where he was, staring at me, I know these eyes, he only stares like that when I'm making a point, a theory, a solution to the mystery, "we can check on these strangers I guess ".

He came closer to me, slowly, I didn't know why but the air was... Sultry, I didn't feel such things for him, never ever, he's not really... My type.

"Yeah" he said clearing his throat "are you going then?"

I shook my head "no, I don't know this person " I stood up, "I can't spent time with someone I barely know."

"I'd suggest the same" he said taking that ticket away from me, "he just wants to get into your..." He stopped.

"Into my?" I asked..

"Nothing " he said and put that letter away.

"Into my bed, I know" I answered making him chock, "was it vulgar?"

He glanced at me, it's not that vulgar, I said many vulgar things intellectually that just made everything less awkward for John, Sherlock and I never had an awkward moment, we have same vibe, same mentality, same everything.

"No it wasn't " he said coming closer, it's bizarre, he's like everyday, clad in his black trousers, white shirt, his same dressing gown, something hot surrounded us. I've barely felt any such tension after my fling with Thomas ended. It was all about Sex and Sherlock hated it, he never objected but he hated how we just banged wherever we got the chance, we didn't spare his bathroom. He doesn't know about it.

"What's in the corner of your lips?" He asked touching the corner of my lips, almost, I didn't move, consenting him silently to touch them.

"What's there?" I enquired, to my own surprise my voice came out as a sultry whisper, never happened with him.

"May I check?"

I nodded and I wasn't aware of what I was going to experience. His lips touched mine, the first time ever, we kissed? I couldn't believe my own senses we actually kissed.

He pulled away, smirking as he replied, "there was nothing".

Can you believe it?

"Very funny" I replied sultrily and walked towards the kitchen, "what was that supposed to mean ? Jealousy?"

He furrowed his brows as I said something impossible, "jealous of what?"

"Mr Laurent?" I replied.

"Why would I be?"

"I don't know, perhaps the fact that he asked me to come with him and if he's handsome then we might.."

I didn't have to complete my sentence when my detective came almost running saying,

"Don't you dare bang him all over Venice".

"I'm not a whore"

"I know you aren't, but Thomas"

"He was my fling so..."

"Shut up you're my tiny detective" he literally called me tiny and didn't let me act offended, rather crashed his lips on mine, bless Thomas for teaching me everything I needed to be good at this. I let our tongues dance as we parted lips to let them enter.

"I've been thinking of this, and more everytime you formed theories of a case, solved them, did some analytical research or simply said something intellectual with.." he said pulling away, "with passion, so much passion, you're a spark, a fire and I would be cold without you" my ears as if I couldn't believe what I was hearing, he was vulnerable, expressing himself however he could, "make me warm Sunshine, tiny little detective".

"I'm not.." I couldn't even object, he interrupted.

"Miss 5ft."

I'm tiny, his tiny... I did say his didn't I?

"Tiny one, hated when you banged Thomas" Sherlock said booping my nose lightly.

"Could see it in your eyes" I replied letting his fingers trace the features of my face.

"Pretty Little face, cute little exterior" he said out loud then leaning to my ears he whispered "only I know how much thirst is in there".

Yes, the thirst. Never thought I'd actually do it with him but..

"Guess we're gonna..." I stared.

"Do something else " he picked me up and I wrapped my legs round him as he carried me to his bedroom. I'm so petite that I fit perfectly in his arms. He has comforted me many times when some violent case triggered me, I love his embrace and I am loving whatever we're upto. He dropped me on his bed, and he climbed on top of me.

"So, what's your plan?" I asked confidently knowing he has little to no experience in bed.

"You'll see tiny" this time it hit a nerve.

"If I'm petite then why do you wanna fuck me" I said a little agitated. He smirked knowing he's successful in driving me up the wall.

"Because, your anger and passion turns me on" he said as his hands fumbled with my shirt button, "and your intellect is my porn".

Now that was a big sixer by Mr Holmes. Making a woman like me whimper. And that made him raise a brow.

"I see your body reacting to my comment." That was sultry just like his voice. No wonder I've always admitted one thing about him, he has a sexy voice.

"Because words are our thing detective" I played my turn as well.

"I see, tiny detective" we both are detectives. And we both get a bit excited by intellectual word play. He and I know how to trun people's heads with words. He did it Jeanine and I, too with some men to get information.

"What if we actually..." I began to touch his buttons, "do the action this time, without all the talk?"

"I like that idea" he said, he and I both unbuttoned our shirts. Tossing them to some corner of his room. As soon as we both sat half naked his lips attacked my neck. Leaving prominent marks, for people to know to whom I belong, for now or... Forever Mr Sherlock Holmes.

I brought him even closer as the sensation was different, special, we've solved many cases together and this does feel special. Alot special. His hand roamed to my back and unclasped my bra. My nails dug into his skin. I wasn't ready for him to see me like this. His tiny detective at his mercy, does sound sexy doesn't it?

"May I?" He whispered in my ear, asking for permission if he could see my breasts.

"Ofcourse, it's not like your tiny has the biggest set of boobs" I joked to which he raised his face and looked into my eyes,

"Good, then they'll fit perfectly in my palm" he said, still not for once looking down at me. As I nodded and gave my consent then only he looked down and took no time into brushing his fingers against my hardened nipples, sending shivers, a touch from a man I trust, the hands which keeps me safe, the safest touch.

"You've never been into bodies did you?" I couldn't help but ask. He kept marking my neck and in between pinching my tits as he replied,

"A good body will lose it's charm with time, but a charming personality as yours, a passionate mind as you, an intellect like yours will never."

He does have a point, we'll still be eachother's favourite even after we're old as a goose.

"Also.." he continued, "your eyes will also remain beautiful, bright, reflecting your charming personality, a mystery I'll spend my life solving".

I allowed myself to bring him even closer and kiss him more lovingly this time, as his hands started to undo my belt and then pulling my jeans away. If I knew something like this would happen I would've come prepared, but... Guess he doesn't really care about all that.

"Don't overthink it" he said, "you look fine, I..."

He trailed off, wonder what he wanted to say but yes, I won't be a spoil sport with my overthinking. I got up and treated his trousers the same way he treated mine. And the twitching member of him was making sure to make his presence prominent.

"Should I do something about it?" I asked kissing his neck, feeling his body reacting to it under my fingers. I made him pull his pants down leaving him in his boxers, preparing myself to finally be the person to see Mr Holmes's thing. Wonder if anyone else got a glimpse... Oh right, Jeanine.

I kissed his chest as I put his boxers down, his twitching member finally got a bit of freedom. He let out a soft whimper, his cheeks turned pink, so he's shy? It didn't seem so the way he kissed me. I looked his member, wrapping my hands around it making him let out a whimper again,

"May I?" I also should take permission if he did. He nodded and I brought my mouth to his tip, leaving a light smooch on it. I knew what I was doing, Thomas was a good practice. He stared at me, breathing heavily. I guess I smirked when I licked his length, then wrapping my mouth on it I started to work on it, with both my mouth and my hand. He controlled for sometimes but he moaned, finally he let himself be vulnerable, he liked what I did.

"I never kn..." He tried to speak as I made it incredibly impossible for him to do so, "never knew... You...ah" see? Incredibly difficult as I fastened my pace, "you could do ... It so... Ah... You're great".

That lifted my confidence and I...

"What the?" As I planned to make him cum in my mouth, I see he has something else in mind, he pushed me down and pinned me to bed.

"Let me return this favour tiny" his heavy voice whispered in my ear. I knew what he meant, I squeezed my thighs together, knowing there's a wet spot in my panties. His voice wasn't helping, rather was making it worse. Thomas was good, but I never knew he, Sherlock Holmes knows how to do to a woman. He got down and almost ripped my panties away. I really don't know whether I'd be able to wear them again after we... It's okay, I sometimes forget my pants at home. I still squeezed my thighs, keeping him from seeing what he wanted to.

"Are you eager?" I teased, I told you, I'm well trained by my fling. He smirked, but his smirk was innocent. My teasing was gone, I felt... I... With Thomas it was just good sex, but I... Felt safe with Sherlock. Never happened before, no one cared for me like he does, no one values my wishes like he does. He gives me more than I ask. And I'm not even talking about material stuffs, he... "My my". He forced my thighs to spread to give him a good view. He looked down and then at me,

"Tiny" he said seductively, "just like you" I was thinking of something sexy to say until he said, "I like it".

And then? He dived like a starved man would for food. His tongue touched my clit giving me shivers, making me moan loudly, thank goodness doctor Watson is married and out of this flat. Otherwise he'd have heard me moaning, as his tongue played with my clit. He didn't stop there, he let his tongue run through my slit, I tried to move upwards in his bed, his big hands grabbed my waist and pinned me in my place. I put a finger between my teeth to keep me from screaming. His tongue felt good, even better and I know now why. He kept on eating me out as I put a hand on his head, grabbing his curls and pulling it slightly. That's how horny I can get, don't go on my looks. He finally pulled away from my pussy, staring right into my eyes,

"Few more licks would've painted your face white Mr Holmes" I said panting.

"Guess you can paint my dick all white" he said stroking his dick. That's a sight I liked, the posh detective and his tiny childish assistant, newspapers called us "the detective and his sunshine", "posh detective and the tiny woman", "detective's childish assistant". Only if they knew, posh detective, cold detective and his childish, innocent, tiny, intelligent girl is doing dirty on his bed. He positioned his tip to my entrance, gave me a look, I nodded, ready to have him in me. And he did push himself into me,

"Ah fuck you're big" the only thing I could scream as his big cock entered me. But that's it, he's in me, I realised something I never did, now I want him, him.. I stretched my arms out, asking him to come to me. He wasted no time and leaned on me, giving me a kiss he stared to rock his hips, slowly and sensually. It felt good, my tall man, his face burried in my neck, his thrusts hitting perfectly. He protected me from bullies, showed me I'm extraordinary to worry about those ordinary people, made me realise he and I are worth better things and ... Now that I know all these, I'm not ever going to stray again... I hope. I'm staying Sherlock Holmes. He took his pace and fuck it felt nice, it felt perfect,

"My go- oh yes" I moaned, he raised his face to see mine,

"Oh, little miss tiny is about to beg" he said to tease me, I remember he told me about Irene Adler wanting him to beg, and ended up begging for protection from him, twice.

"I don't beg, men gives me anyway" I didn't wanted to be a self absorbed person, especially not now, it's just ... Came out. He replied with a sudden thrust that found the spot,

"Ah yes right there" I screamed, arching my back. He stopped, his cock in me.

"What if I don't fullfill your desire?" He does that to people, being rude but never to me. I showed my puppy eyes (which I always do and it works on him)but eventually my mouth spoke,

"Pretty please?" Which apparently means I begged for more.

“I told you, you would eventually start begging.” he said with a smirk and resumed his thrusts at my g spot. I brought him closer and wrapped my hands around him. The most intimate, he and I. I could stay like this forever, but he eventually got up and fucked me faster, the roomed filled with him painting, my moaning and our skin slapping. His cock worked fine in me. And we both knew I was close.

"So am I" he said between his pants. With some more thrusts I let out a scream, eyes closed, I painted his dick white. He pulled out of me immediately, shooting white strings to my belly.

-------

We got up, we cleaned ourselves and sat on his bed with a chessboard.

"Oops got your bishop" I mocked as I replaced his bishop with my pawn.

"Aww poor your queen" eventually he trapped me and got my queen that made me gasp,

"You did not" I, surely am offended by Sherlock's intelligent move, "not my queen, I can never win without it".

"Oh I'm sorry tiny" he didn't seem sorry at all, "be careful next time" his voice was gentle, soft as he explained how I should play and be careful next time, "you got it?"

"Sherlock?" I called him, not answering his question, I can play chess well, now if you play with Sherlock Holmes you're never good enough, but I wanted to ask him something else, "how was it?" He blushed, I'm too bold, I can ask anything without thinking twice, "anything you imagined?"

He nodded fumbling with my queen, "the world is filled with ordinary and notoriety you know tiny" he said looking into my eyes, "reality is often cruel, I... I saw your innocence and potentials in your eyes. You were wasting your time with Thomas, fling is useless, I hoped you'd find something better, worthy of your time, all I could give you is my adventures. You.. you're very intelligent, emotionally. You're an unique, creative thinker as well, you're hard to describe just like me. Can't let those ordinary people bully you, can't let those ordinary men lay finger on you, I couldn't stop Thomas since you consented but I want you to understand, you're here for something better." I just listened to his words, made sense why I always felt no one understood me, sitting here on his bed, wrapped in his white bedsheet with a chess board. If feels safe, he makes me feel... Understood.

"What I mean to say is I'm terrible at expressing emotions, yet I feel them just like you do, I saw you couldn't fit in with your dull boring, bimbo classmates who ultimately back stabbed you. But I see you here, with me, smiling, laughing, feeling safe I hope. This world is dull for people like you and me tiny, these people are cruel, boring for us, you and I couldn't settle down with any ordinary profession or people. We're too similar. The only thing though I believe you have extra is, your innocence. With you, reality is better than my dreams, my imagination. Because my imagination came with the reality of the world that I faced, but with you I saw a different side of it. You're different, innocent, you think differently, you're kind and you don't do things to please people. You don't want to be ordinary, you hate being boring, you're far more me than I am, you're far better me I must say, you're a better Sherlock Holmes, you bring out the better Sherlock Holmes in me, my tiny. This reality is better, and I am not just talking about sex."

Can you believe? His puzzled words did make sense, it's better here just him and me.

"I realised today that you love me" I spoke as a tear fell from my eyes, remembering how everyone treated me and how he does, I'm his better world.

"Glad you know" he said looking down at the board. I didn't know where we were at the game but I moved another pawn of mine.

"Sherlock..." I spoke, "if you wanted someone good, I believe there are many people who are... Good. You know I can't control my temper, I have no filter, I am also pretty childish and-"

"If by good you mean ordinary people, who doesn't have personality, who copies others, brags to you, lies to you, use you" he knows everything I've been through, he knows how people treated me, "ordinary people often thinks they're extraordinary, especially to those who actually are... Rare. You know my university life". I nodded, he was a lonely kid,

"So was my school life" I certainly was a lonely kid in my school, we're both eccentrics.

"We can live in our safe bubble, here, with our stupid adventures if you'd like" he proposed and I loved it, guess my grin proved so,

"And I" I got up and threw my arms around him, "love it".

He hugged me tightly, the sorrow we experienced, all was transformed into a certain joy, he always felt relaxed holding my head to his chest,

"But detective?" I had to be myself and make a proposal of mine, "I like your handcuffs." He looked suspiciously at me,

"Fine, my tiny's wish is my command".

[cummin-n-cryin]

Hello!!!

I hope your not busy but...

Can I request yandere riddle, Floyd and kalim with a m!reader who act like Kris from deltarune?

~Thank you for your requests!

I'll be mixing these two as the personalities are similar!

You Shy Thing♡

Riddle Rosehearts + Floyd Leech x male!reader + Kalim Al-Asim x gn!reader (all seperate)

Tw: Yandere, amab reader, obsession

Wordcount: 351 + 356 + 249

Side Note: I have never played Deltarune. I've personally only played Undertale. I also haven't seen playthroughs of it either. I've only seen memes and similar stuff, so I had to look it up lol. Apologies this was very short! Hopefully I got both of your requests right!

~Riddle Rosehearts~

Riddle didn't mind your quiet and more introverted personality. In fact, he was a bit glad.

He was typically surrounded by a bunch of rambunctious students who always seemed to struggle following even the most basic of the Queen's rules. So, to have a guy like you, who was not only quiet but also seemed to follow the Queen's rules with ease, was a nice change. You also had good grades and never really slacked on your work which seems to be quite a rare trait at NRC.

Because of your overall good behavior, Riddle never really payed that much attention to you. But that means that to Riddle, you were quite mysterious and the fact that you were frequently hanging out with Ace and Deuce only made him more curious of you.

Ace was a well known troublemaker. Deuce while he was trying his best typically found himself in stupid situations. Grim, your close companion, needs no description and then there was you. You were a well behaved and good student who could do no wrong in Riddle's eyes.

What were you doing with them? Why were you hanging out with them? Surely you wouldn't want to hang out with those troublemakers when you could stay with Riddle.

Riddle would interact with you more and more. His obsession over you grew stronger and he didn't even realize it. All he knew was that he wanted to be with you so badly. Perhaps that is love?

As time went on and you two grew closer, Riddle's feelings for you would start to overwhelm him. It felt like he was suffocating. His heart ached and fists clenched tightly whenever he saw you hanging out with others. He knew he had no right to try to take away your friends from you, but there must be something he could do so that you focused more on him at least, right?

He knows that these feelings must be love. He doesn't care that your a guy, Riddle's mother be damned if she goes against him.

He'll do whatever it takes to make you his.

~Floyd Leech~

Somehow, it was your quiet personality that drew Floyd to you.

You'd think that being quiet and distant would make Floyd think you're boring or something, but unfortunately for you that wasn't the case.

Floyd loved to torment you. He liked to suddenly appear out of nowhere and he would lean on top of you claiming he was "tired". He loved it whenever you made those surprised noises of yours. He thought it was funny and cute.

He would constantly try to get different reactions out of you. Whether by scaring you, annoying you, or otherwise. He loved it all. It was all so funny to him.

He also would often drag you around to do "fun" things with him. Mostly it consisted of bothering people, playing basketball, spontaneous dancing, and whatever else Floyd suddenly felt like doing. It wasn't uncommon for him to grab and drag you off to random places or to do things with him then suddenly, just leave you there after saying he was bored. What a weirdo...

Floyd honestly was quite grateful for you're more introverted nature. It made it far easier to get you away from those three pesky "friends" of yours. That way you would only hang out with him!

Over time, his obsession for you grew.

Honestly, it didn't take that long for his obsession to start making him feel like he was going crazy. He started threatening to squeeze anyone you talked to. He also started complaining a lot more whenever your attention wasn't on him.

He soon begins to get annoyed at the fact that people other than him are looking at you. He genuinely believes that their trying to steal you from him. He may even start to believe that in a way you're cheating on him with those other boys. Even though you're not together... Those thoughts of you getting taken from him send him spiraling and that's what shoves him over the edge.

Now he's hunting for you. Hopefully if you're lucky you'll get away fast enough. But remember, the longer you try to hide from him the angrier he'll get, have fun!

~Kalim Al-Asim~

Kalim didn't mind you're introverted personality.

He thinks that you're shy, like Idia! Maybe you just needed some encouragement to interact with others or you were lost and needed some help. Don't worry, Kalim's here to help!

The day that he approached you was the beginning of Kalim's obsession for you.

From that day forward, he never left you alone. He always wanted to be with you. Kalim would frequently invite you over to the Scarabia dorm. He would bring you on magic carpet rides with him and dance with you at the banquets they threw. He would also frequently invite you to the music club. He could play you a song if that's what you want!

If you were to ever ask him why he did all these things for you, he would tell you that he was just trying to help you make new friends and that he also, "Wanted to see your wonderful smile more!" as he put it.

Though it was a bit bothersome to be frequently invited to places with Kalim, it was pretty hard to resist him whenever he asked you to come hang out with him. He would give you those big puppy dog eyes and a bright smile that was simply too hard to resist.

It wouldn't be too long till you'd start to see the signs that maybe this "friendship" you had with Kalim was not quite what it seemed.

Let's just hope it's not too late for you! :D

[friendlyneighborhoodcapricorn]

omg omg omg I know that I have NEVER even come close to requesting ANYTHING like this and it's stupid but the idea is fascinating and so you're getting it

Sam/Riven being jealous because their love interest can't choose between them????? like. I don't want Musa to be that love interest but she's probably gonna be exactly that love interest anyway so might as well have a drabble/some headcanons about it now lmao

I’m honestly hoping so badly that, if Musa and Riven do get together, she and Sam just kinda decide they’d rather be friends and become the most hilarious duo ever. Like, just picture Sam teasing Riven, who turns to his loving girlfriend Musa for support, but she just goes “oh no, he’s right, you are an idiot”

Anyway, they’re headcanons bc I suck at writing love triangles lol

Sam doesn’t get jealous easily. He’s a very trusting person, but I feel like he does value honesty.

So if you’re straightforward with him about developing feelings for someone else (even if that someone else is Riven), he’ll accept that. He’ll give you time and space, if that’s what you need, and doesn’t pressure you.

Riven, on the other hand, has a whole bunch of self-esteem issues. He doesn’t take it well, even if you are upfront about your feelings. He’ll get upset and take some distance from you. In the end, however (probably after a very serious conversation with Sky), he realises you didn’t choose to have these feelings and he tries to handle that as well as a person can.

You can’t avoid your feelings for them forever, though. At some point you’ll have to choose.

Riven is more likely to ask you to choose. He just wants to know where he stands with you.

Sam will try to give you all the time you need, but he wants answers too of course.

It’s probably the one thing the two of them have ever agreed on lol.

They’re both very different people, so it’s a mystery to pretty much everyone how you managed to fall for both of them at once.

Whatever the case, if you do eventually break up with either of them, it won’t be a good time.

[fangirlings-things]

First Costumer

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Arthur Shelby x female reader

Summary: you just got hired to do the job you always wanted and your first costumer, is no other but a Peaky Blinder

Word count: 2.1K

This is based on the moodboard below, made by my friend. You can find the original post here

A/N: I wrote this for @flowers-in-your-hayr 650 followers celebration. congratulations, love!! you're amazing, thank you for understanding my brazilian jokes lol and I hope you like this 💖

TAG LIST: @sophieshelby ; @charmingvalkyrie ; @inglourious-imagines ; @fairyofvoid ; @locke-writes ; @regalbanshee ; @captainshazamerica ; @lotsoffandomrecs ; @flowers-in-your-hayr ; @too-spoopy-to-be-frukd

You heard the doorbell ring and the sound filled the bookshop. Finally, a costumer. Your very first costumer. How exciting! 

You got down of the ladder you had previously climbed to fix some of the higher shelves and passed your hands through your brown simple dress, making sure it was proper and in order. Mr. Cuthbert had taken a long time to finally accept you as an employee in his establishment and now, you had to make him proud. 

You had always loved books. Since you were just a little girl, you mother had given you novels to read and you grew up living in many different ones from the reality you actually found yourself in. Books were your passion, your refugee, your ideal spot. To be able to work around them and make people happy by buying books, well, it sounded like perfection! 

The costumer took his time to walk through the shop, eyeing the shelves like they were unusual strangers in the street and then, he got to you at the back of the bookshop. Your first costumer was a man. 

He was tall. Not too tall, but just enoguh to make him able to look at some of the upward shelves without having to raise his head too much. His skin was white, giving a nice contrast with the black coat he wore. He had a moustache and you could only see a few strings of his brown hair, due to the cap he wore.

Then, you realized. After taking notice of the cap, the fine clothing made sense. No ordinary man in Birmingham had such fine clothes to wear, especially not in the middle of the week, during the lunch break time of the factories. Oh no, that man absolutely did not work in a factory. That man was a Peaky Blinder. His only bosses were the Shelbys and the Shelbys only. 

"May I help you, sir?" you asked him with a polite smile, pushing to the back of your mind the realization you had just come to. It didn't matter who he was outside Mr. Cuthbert's bookshop. He was a costumer. Who clearly, for the way his eyes were going from one shelf to the other, intended to buy a book. 

He focused his eyes on you and you saw that his stare wasn't harsh or the one of a demon, as many people said the Peaky Blinders were. His eyes were kind, even though there was an agitation in them that you couldn't quite comprehend. Maybe not even he could. "Yes" he said simply and as you kept staring at him, waiting for further information, the man looked even a bit disconcerted, like he wasn't used to having such attention upon him. "It is my sister's birthday this week and Ada, well, she really likes books, has a great shelf of them at her house. So I thought it would be a good idea to you know, give her a new book as a gift"  

You couldn't help but smile. That man, whomever he was, seemed so genuine in everything. You could see the care in his expression when he spoke of his sister. It was a nice thing to see. The stories you had heard about the Peaky Blinders seemed to be all wrong. He was a normal person. Not some crazy, openly violent man. 

"Do you have any specific book in mind?" you asked him, hands joined in front of your body and excitement filling your body because that was apparently going to be a successful sell. The man just squeezed his lips on a thin line, eyes going to the floor  as if he was embarrassed. It got to you. "Don't worry, I am sure we can work something out. What kind of books does she like?" 

He watched as you moved around the place graciously. Clearly you knew every corner of that place, every shelf, every single book and where it was. You looked at a particular spot, frowned then moved on like there wasn't anything interesting for whatever you wanted him to take to Ada. "Well, she's a communist, so she does like politics" 

"Very well" you walked towards the politics shelf, searched the titles, but nothing particularly got your attention or seemed fitting. You turned back to the man. "Does she like classics that have to do with politics?" 

"I think so, what do you have?" he asked, seeming kinda excited for what you would come up with. He accompanied you as you went to shelf on the other side of the corridor and pulled out a book. "Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo. It's centered around the French Revolution" 

The man looked down at the floor again as a quite nervous laugh escaped his mouth. "I don't think that is a good idea. France does not give my family the best memories, you see" 

"You fought the war?" you asked, smile fading a bit because of the seriousness in his tone. Maybe that's where his agitation was from. Maybe, he never did get back from France at all. He only nodded in agreement, still not looking at you. "Thank you, for your service" 

He gave out a little smile, but you knew by the way the corner of his lips didn't rise too much that he was anxious to change the subject. Honestly, see the obvious hurt in him made you want to change it either. "Alright, no France. What about Bram Stoker's Dracula?" 

"Dracula?" he frowned, eyes meeting yours in utter confusion at such a strange name. 

The fact that he didn't knew about it made you smile as you began to describe que novel's story to him with a mysterious tone in your voice to cause suspense. "It's about an old man, Count Dracula, who lives in a castle and feeds on the blood of young women to survive. Sometimes he kills them so they can join him in the after life and also drink blood from innocent people" 

The man laughed due to your clearly forced misteirous tone and the way you raised your eyebrows at him while speaking, seeming to forget the previous sadness that had overwhelmed him with the memories of the war. You were glad for it. "That sounds bloody awful, love" 

You could not help but also laugh, trying to ignore the heat that took a hold of your face when he apparently without thinking, called you love. "It is, actually" then you shrugged, passing your hand through the said novel's cover at the shelf. "But is a fine horror book" you crossed your arms over your chest and squeezed your eyes in his direction. "Be honest with me now, will your sister like this one?" 

He squeezed his lips again, this time his features assumed a expression that clearly said 'sorry'. "I don't think so. Ada is a feminist. I think she would not like a story where a monster man kills women and faces no consequences" 

"That is a very good point" you said with a sight and then turned around, biting your lower lip as you thought and thought about more options. The challenge on your very first sell was being quite exciting and you could say, interesting. Much of it of course, was because of that man. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head and you turned back to the Peaky Blinder with a smile. "What about On the Origin of Species? It's a book about pure knowledge, scientific one, about evolution. No France, no monster that slaughters women" 

The man gave it a minute of thought and then returned your smile. "Knowledge and evolution. It does sounds like Ada" you both felt silent for a moment and then, he cleaned his throat and nodded towards the book you had just gotten into your hands. "I'll take it" 

"Very well" you motioned for him to follow you and then made your way towards the back of the shop again, placing it in the cashier. "You want it wrapped up as a gift?" he quickly agreed and you raised two options of gift wrap in the air. A green and a blue one. He chose the green one. "You can also add a small card if you want" 

"That is nice, thank you" he said and again, as you looked at him, the kindness in his eyes seemed to shine out from everything else. 

You grabbed a gift card from the inside of a box where they were kept and placed a black pen upon it. "You can write it or if you want, I can write it for you" 

"You should write it, I bet your handwriting is better than mine" he said and you chuckled, nodding as you agreed to his request. 

"What do you want it to say?" you waited as he clearly thought about the question, looking unsure. With one of his hands, he took off his cap and then passed the other one through his hair. When he claned his throat, you were ready to start writing. 

"Dear Ada, happy birthday" he looked at you as if that was it but then, seeing the expression on your face that clearly indicated you wished him to talk more, he thought for a second and then continued. " Since you like books so much, I hope you will like this one, that a very nice girl helped me pick" as you wrote with a smile on your face, you did your best not to raise your eyes to meet his. "I know I am not always a very good brother, but I love you. Happy birthday, Arthur" 

"That was beautiful" you told him, letting go of the pen and starting to wrap up the gift carefully, slowly, in no rush to let the Peaky Blinder go away. Arthur. His name was Arthur. It was a beautiful name. Suited him just fine. 

"Alright, then" his eyes went to the floor again, seeming now embarrassed because of your words. 

You finished to wrap the gift in silence, then when it was done, you sighted and looked at the man. "If you want us to deliver the gift at your sister's house, in case you're busy, we have a delivery boy for such" 

"That sounds good, I appreciate that" he replied. 

You nodded in agreement and got a piece of paper, to then grab the pen again. "Can you tell me her adress, please?" he did so, and you wrote it down so the boy Mr. Cuthbert had hired a little while before you could do his part of the job later. "He is supposed to look for Ada...?" you left the question in the air, waiting for him to answer, eyes still on the paper. 

"Ada Shelby" 

Your eyes snapped up on the very same instant. 

Shelby. 

His sister was Ada Shelby. 

He was Arthur Shelby. 

"Something wrong, love?" he asked, and he didn't seem harsh like you expected him to, for the way you not in the slightly hid just how astonished you were to know his identity. His eyes were still kind, but a part of the previous sadness had come back. 

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me" you wrote down Ada Shelby and then left the paper upon the gift, at the corner of the cashier. 

"I'm used to that kind of reaction by now" he said with a nervous laugh, that carried absolutely no humor at all in it. Even if he was indeed used to the said kind of reaction, he clearly did not like it. You felt guilt consume you. "How much do I owe you?" 

You told him the price, still lost in your thoughts and cursing yourself for being so stupid and rude. So rude. He gave you the money, you placed it in the due place. "Have a nice day" he told you and then turned around to leave, placing his cap back in his head and then his hands went to the pockets of his clothes. 

You watched him leaving with a intense feeling of exasperation, tried to think fastly enough to say something and then before you could even really process what you were actually going to do, the words left your mouth. "Mr. Shelby?" he turned back around as he heard you calling, a bit of gentleness in his features. "If you ever need to buy another book, I am sure I can help you find something good" 

His lips curled up in a smile, a pure one. A bit of the guilt you felt left your body like he had just taken it completely away, just by smiling again. "I'll remember that, love" 

And then, Arthur Shelby left the bookshop.

[snakedevour]

first off i wanna say that i saw the post you made about anons and that if we want to we can use something so you can refer to us as that while still keeping our anonimity. so... i thought about it and you can refer to me as either wolf anon or LXVIII or just the wolf emoji (this one 🐺) lol. choose whichever one you want/like the most. anyway, second thing, how are you doing? i hope you're alright. aaaand third thing, where do you think kkg is heading towards? like, what do you think will be the end of the main story of kkg? and also, do you think we'll ever know exactly what happened to yumeko's parents and her sister or will it be a fandom mystery forever? go wild with this lol. -wolf anon/LXVIII/🐺

🐺 anon it is! i think i might have deleted that post as part of a sweep but i’m glad you saw it! i’m happy to call you whatever you like :^) and i’m doing alright! as well as i can be anyway. just settling into a new position at work and have officially earned the privilege to work from home 🤙

to get to the meat of your question though, it’s anyone’s guess honestly but mine, personally, is that it’s going to circle back around to the hundred devouring families one way or another. but i don’t think it’s going to be a conventional good guy vs bad guy situation -- at least not with the cast we currently know. 

i do think we can safely say kirari is at the root of everything, and that yumeko has some sort of agenda apropos to her. that said, i don’t think that kirari is “the big bad” -- i actually get the vibe that her antagonistic position is a red herring. 

i talked a little while ago about the differences between kirari and yumeko despite their superficial similarities and i think a major one is that kirari is a planner. she isn’t compulsive like yumeko is, even if she’s just as eccentric ( albeit maybe in a different flavor ). kirari is absolutely up to something and i think whatever it is is loonngg in the making.

i also think that while it looks like she’s just following her own whims, she’s absolutely using every resource at her disposal with a lot of deliberate purpose. and in my humble opinion ririka is her most powerful game piece. and by that i mean a couple things:

1) i believe ririka has been kirari’s stand-in at most family functions ( like when they swapped places right before yumeko’s games with yumemi and manyuda ) 

2) i believe ririka is the superior gambler. this is pure speculation, but i’m pretty sure ririka is the one who defeated the previous student council president, not kirari. 

i say this because it’s pretty heavily implied that the twins have switched places off screen multiple times:

full disclaimer that i don’t think it’s that kirari is a bad gambler, exactly, but i do think ririka is both the stronger and smarter player and i say this because we’ve seen a glimpse of how both of them play: during the election we saw kirari gamble against rin and sumika and her strategy was just constantly going all-in. rin calls that out on his own, yeah?

on the other hand, we’ve also seen ririka play against rin in a much more complicated game -- and she totally out-maneuvers him:

basically what i’m saying is that kirari is the one scheming but i’d wager that a lot of the time ririka is the one who actually acts on her behalf because she’s the more effective player, making many of kirari’s gambling accolades ririka’s in actuality. we’ll probably see more of this when we finally see their game but...yeah. this isn’t my dissertation on ririka vs kirari, i just mean to illustrate the fact that there are a lot of moving pieces in the background here and i think kirari is the one putting everything in motion.

to what end though? originally i thought maybe kirari didn’t care for how things were run in the momobami conglomerate, but if that were the case it’d conflict with the way she runs hyakkaou and treats it and its student body as her “aquarium”. it’s something she watches for her own entertainment and i don’t think she’d do that if it was modeled after something she’s trying to dismantle. i don’t have any concrete guesses about this at this moment in time but i do think it’ll ultimately come back to the family.

that takes me to the next part of your question about yumeko’s parents and sister... i think this is going to be revealed eventually because of this panel here, courtesy of terano:

idk, i’m a staunch believer in chekhov’s gun as a literary rule. “if a gun is mentioned in chapter one, it must be fired in chapter two or three”. because terano dropped this line on us, they have to eventually elaborate.

terano’s wording here admittedly is kind of ambiguous, which is something else i think will eventually be clarified. probably at the same time we learn what actually happened. i can’t really say what exactly it’d be, but i do think if nothing else we’ll learn what’s going on with yumeko’s sister because we saw a pretty pertinent flashback in regards to her her. i’m less certain about her parents because that’s much easier to write off as a matter of happenstance but it’s... definitely possible their deaths are related.

the reason i’m less certain about them though is because kkg is yet to feature literal death as a consequence of any of the games or going-ons. all of the death-related language i.e. “devouring” has been in relation to colloquial death and allegory so it’s hard for me to tell if the writing would steer in that direction. but yumeko did get poisoned, miyo tried to poison herself, and yumi went and got herself stabbed so things do seem to be steadily escalating.

ANYWAY if i were to summarize this i’d say...

my guess for the kkg endgame is that related to kirari’s plans for the hundred devouring families. i think ririka is higher up than we’re giving her credit for and yumeko has her own related agenda and it probably has something to do with the state of her branch. what happened with yumeko’s sister might be related to kirari’s grand scheme on top of that, if i know anything about storytelling ( which i like to think i do )

i realize this doesn’t add up perfectly but i’ll probably polish and refine this idea as more chapters come out :’) just sucks that that’s on a monthly basis 

[shibalen]

My hobbies include writing, reading, watching anime and mystery/thriller/action movies. I’m the ‘loud and crazy’ one of my friend group, but I’m also the sly, crafty manipulative one. Likes in a partner: someone who motivates me and can challenge me to do my very best. Dislikes: someone who tries to "change" me. Thank you so much! I hope you're having a lovely day!

♡ matchup for @karaseijoh

hello! this is the actual matchup this time, no worries! i appreciate your patience and sweet words, thank you so much ´･ᴗ･`

|| Haikyuu: i match you with . . .

Daichi Sawamura

• Bet he wasn't who you were expecting, but hear me out!

• What I think would really make you a good pair is that while you're both ambitious you still balance each other out

• Your fierceness will inspire Daichi to be even more assertive while his assuring presence will help you not get discouraged as easily

• Being a captain of a sports team himself, Daichi knows how to motivate you to reach for the skies!

• All he wants is to help you just as much as you've helped him, or even more ♡

• Looks up to you like no one else ngl. You're always on his mind when he's in a pinch, thinking would you let this problem pull you down

• I mean, you're on his mind anyway

• Because he loves you so much but he's also a big ol' worrywart

• He'll legit stop in the middle of practice or whatever he's doing and hope you're not getting into trouble with your schemes

• You definitely knew each other for the longest time before anything romantic sparked between you

• Daichi, being the responsible boy he is, was constantly at your heed, telling you not to manipulate others for your own interests, what was "wrong" and "right" etc.

• But time fixes everything and, before he knew what was happening, he had grown whipped for you

• Your outspoken side took him on adventures he never knew he wanted. Your crafty side made him understand just how ready you were to make your ideas a reality. This all made him fall in love with you ♡

• #rivals to lovers

• We know he doesn't sugarcoat stuff so rest assured every compliment, every praise is genuine. He is proud of you and all of your achievements!

• Will never say anything to hurt you, everything he says is carefully considered

• If you hold in your emotions, he offers to talk about it later in case you want to vent out your honest feelings.

• Loves it when you come see him at practice but also You + Tanaka + Nishinoya + Hinata = deadaichi

• If he doesn't have practice himself catch him sitting at the stands watching yours with the proudest grin in history

• There's more! During competitions the whole volleyball team comes to cheer you on! Daichi lowkey wanted to be the only one you saw when looking over but that's fine :')

• It makes him sad you're both so busy with school so when you are spending quality time together Daichi plans things out to the smallest detail. Though too embarrassed to admit it this boy is such an old-fashioned romantic

• Never forgets to bring you a little something to your dates. Even if you're staying in and watching a thriller movie (then it's pizza) And if you don't receive at least one love note a month it got mixed up in the mail

• Getting hyped over mystery series together is your thing. Change my mind

• You teach him chess so he could beat Suga and Kurō lol

• hitting👏the👏gym👏together. You can try and tell me your thighs aren't his next favorite thing about you (aside from your personality) and he doesn't steal glances at them when you're working out, but we all know these are facts.

• I'm loving the idea of your late night texts!

• "If I were to infiltrate a bank, scam it, and give the money to the poor like Robin Hood, would you back me up?"

• "Go to sleep, y/n."

• "But would you?🤔"

• "Honestly. I'd do it myself just so you'd stop getting in trouble. Where do you get all these idea's from?

• "Aww! It's a secret😉"

• " . . . what did Noya tell you?"

• Daichi is a caring, supportive boyfie. You can trust him to have your back. He'll treasure you because you are his most precious person ♡

runner up: Kurō Tetsurō

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

|| OHSHC: i match you with . . .

Tamaki Suoh

♛ Your personal cheerleader and #1 fan

♛ Seriously, with Tamaki around to worship the ground you walk on it's almost impossible to give up. And if it's not because of his cheering it's because you want him to be quiet pfft

♛ Expects the best from you because he has no doubt in your abilities and how much you are capable of

♛ But he won't care if you're not naturally talented at something because he loves you just the way you are besides, he can be perfect for both of you

♛ The first time you met you went to the host club because the chess club was under the threat of being cancelled due to it lacking enough members

♛ Your plan was simple: The host club was extremely popular, and Tamaki was the favourite host so you were going to get close to him so he'd advertise the chess club

♛ At first you were just planning to use him but soon learnt there was more to him than being a princely flirt and a bit of an airhead

♛ He was kind to you no matter what, even though you he knew you were just using the host club to your advantage

♛ Your determination was what attracted him to you and your exciting personality made him fall for you ♡

♛ Though you weren't far behind in crushes, and I swear when you admitted you feelings for Tamaki was tempted to kiss you right there and then

♛ Of course, he's a gentleman and squeezed you into a tight embrace instead. You could feel his heart racing in his chest

♛ Y'all be loud and crazy together. There won't be a day when you're not doing something wild. His favorite hobby is taking you on his 'adventures' in the 'commoner world', he swears its like the jungle

♛ But don't be surprised if he shows up at your house with a helicopter saying you're going to Lapland for a ski trip and watch the northern lights

♛ When you show your ruthless side for the first time boy will be mildly terrified because you remind him of Kyoya in the mornings (• ▽ •;)

♛ When you're being fierce he's gonna admire you from the sidelines and be like "heck yeah! get 'em babe!" But if you direct it at him, he'll turn into a whiny baby "bUt princessssss :("

♛ If you got a penny every time he asked you to have him on the cover of the school's newspaper you could afford a publishing company of your own

♛ Tamaki absolutely thrives off your attention and if you're apart for too long he gets extremely gloomy. Every time someone mentions your name while you're not around he'll be in his emo corner (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

♛ Insits on training with you. Although he's physically fit to keep his beautiful figure in shape he's not overly athletic. During longer jogs he'll start wheezing and you find it utterly hilarious

♛ He tries to put up the front of being all bold and suave but if you flirt back for more than five seconds he'll melt into a blushing mess

♛ One time you were talking about throwing a Halloween party and what costumes you all could wear

♛ You teasingly pondered whether you should go with a cute or a more mature look and Tamaki's soul proceeded to leave his body for ten minutes rip

♛ Hikaru and Kaoru had to shake him by the shoulders to keep him together, meanwhile you were giggling in the background

♛ Recommed him an anime and he's gonna spam you with constant updates as he's binging. You might have to mute your phone if you want to get anything done smh

♛ Though his texts and calls are often an emotional mess, he gives surprisingly good and detailed feedback at the end of it

♛ Just make sure to have finished the series first otherwise I can't guarantee a spoiler-free conversation (*ﾉωﾉ)

♛ He'd much rather watch them together with you though. Physical affection is one of his main ways to show you his love

♛ You're his queen. Have no doubts he'd do anything for your happiness ♡

runner up: Kyoya Ootori

here you are, i hope this was an enjoyable read for you! if you think the format could have been better though, feel free to let me know and i'll fix it.

thank you for requesting and i hope you're having a lovely day as well! ♡

[misssophiachase]

NikMik: so i watched Leap Year...& there were some major klaroline vibes. i know you're not taking prompts but i just wanted to throw that out there for your "Crossroads" series, should you feel inspired :P is it sad that i see klaroline in everything? lol.

Hey luv! So sorry for the delay, this kind of fusion takes some time : ) And yes, Klaroline vibes all round for sure. Hope you like it! And no, it’s not sad that you see Klaroline in everything, I do too! Words in italics from the movie so too the song/drabble title.

Dream a Little Dream of Me

Dingle, Ireland - February 27, 2020

“Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper I love…”

“You fried my iPhone!”  

Klaus Mikaelson was broken from his song mid lyric and given the look on her face, he was certain that it didn’t lend itself to the soundtrack of the current situation.

He stopped short of finishing the sentence registering her pursed lips, furrowed brow and the distracting fact her pyjama shorts were incredibly short showcasing a set of long, delectable creamy legs underneath that her jeans had annoyingly hid from him earlier in the day.  

“You fried the whole village, idiot!”

“Are you calling me the village idiot?” Her eyes narrowed in his direction. “Is that insult popular among the locals here?”

“Yes, because we are stuck in the Middle Ages and you are, in fact, the court jester in this scenario. Albeit without the silly hat, but I’m sure we can find you one or put you in the stocks and throw vegetables at you instead. Your choice, love.”

“I’m so glad I found myself stranded in this delightful town,” she mused. “But back to my broken cell and the fact you’re hanging out in this bar and singing to yourself at 2am.”

“It’s called closing up and this isn’t New York City, sweetheart, there’s only so much power available in Dingle.”

“Dingle?”

“Wow, even those legs aren’t enough to make me like you right now,” he growled, even if his eyes were betraying his attraction. “That’s the name of this delightful town you’ve come to love in the seven hours you’ve been here.”

“I knew that,” she lied. “But can we just get back to the fact I have no working phone and it’s kind of urgent given the reason for my impromptu visit.”

“Your impromptu visit? Something you’ve mentioned multiple times since we unfortunately crossed paths at the waterfront this afternoon.”

“I’m assuming with that charm you don’t have a girlfriend?”

“Pretty sure I could say the same about you, Forbes,” he noticed her expression fall briefly before sending him a determined gaze.

“Not that it’s any of your business but I came here to propose to my boyfriend on the Leap Year like Irish tradition,” she insisted.

“Now, isn’t that romantic,” he joked. “So, if that’s the case, where is the lucky guy? I’d really like to congratulate him on being able to stand your whinging.”

Klaus wasn’t expecting to suddenly feel so weird given he’d known her seven hours and she’d managed to cause him a headache and the whole village a power outage. He decided to blame it on those legs and hopefully move on but after taking a seat at the bar Klaus knew she wasn’t going anywhere yet.

“Just shut up and give me a vodka, neat,” she growled. “It’s the least you could do after completely failing me in the amenities department.”

“I think it’s void when you are responsible for killing the power, princess,” he shot back. “And it’s no surprise you drink vodka.”

“Well, if it’s good enough for the Russians,” she bit back. 

“Exactly,” he muttered, producing a shot glass and pouring in some whiskey. “But here in Ireland we drink this.” He half expected her to complain but she downed it in one go.

“Is that the best you’ve got?”

“You’re really challenging me?”

“Do I need to spell it out?” She shot back. Klaus loved a challenge and this was no exception. 

“Not at all, love, I just hope you’ve brought your A game.” She nodded and a flood of shots followed. Caroline to her credit was impressive but not enough to topple Klaus who’d been doing this a while.

He’d lifted her bridal style and laid her carefully in bed upstairs, not missing just how cute she looked mumbling the words to the Star Spangled Banner. They’d made a bet during rounds that they could sing all words to their national anthem. True to her inebriated form she obliged even close to passing out.

He turned off the lights and shut the door quietly. Klaus wasn’t expecting to learn much but a drunken Caroline had poured out her heart and he wasn’t quite sure what to do or say when he saw her next. 

7 hours later….  

She woke with one eye open unsure of her foreign surroundings, the fact her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls was enough to kill the usual shriek the situation would evoke.  

She sat up quickly, regretting it immediately as the room began to spin and also threatening never to stop. At least in the Wizard of Oz a house fell down and righted the situation but not here unfortunately. There weren’t even a few cows flying past to keep her entertained just the thought that there was no bucket to capture her stomach proceeds. 

Before she could spread them far and wide, a bucket appeared from nowhere. Caroline didn’t look up, just glad she had it and proceeded to make use of it. She barely noticed when he laid her back, wiping her mouth with a wet cloth and placing aspirin and water bedside before leaving again.

9 hours later…   

Waking up again, Caroline felt slightly less sick and more so embarrassed about her behaviour. She was just lucky he hadn’t seen her like this, why she cared was a mystery.

Caroline attempted to move from the bed, only noticing him seated in the corner of the room and with just enough time to grab the sheet and wrap it around her pyjama clad body.  

“I’ve seen it all before, if that’s any consolation,” he offered standing up, his indifference not lost on Caroline. “You felt the need to come downstairs and complain about the lack of electricity in that early this morning.”

Suddenly it all came back. The power outage, their argument, the incessant drinking and whatever came after that. Given she had some clothing on was a good sign she hadn’t cheated on her fiance-to-be with some village idiot. But why was he in her room?

“And why are here in my room?” She demanded. She half expected him to split but he held his ground.

“I like to keep the rooms tidy, wouldn’t want the guests to think that we take their amenities for granted.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” she muttered, desperate for some water until he held out a bottle. Was this weird guy psychic? Sure he was kind of handsome in those dark jeans and a navy henley that hugged his toned chest but she had a fiance. Well, almost. 

“Thank you,” she murmured, screwing the cap on the bottle. “I suppose I should be going then.”

“Yeah, can’t keep lover boy waiting,” he mumbled without much sound.

“Excuse me?” 

“Well, Dublin is over four hours away but I can drive you,” he offered. “If you’d like?”

“And why would you do that exactly? After…”

“The blackout, the whinging, the drinking and the aftermath you mean?”

“Yeah, I guess?”

“I’m a glutton for punishment I suppose,” he growled. “I’ll meet you outside in twenty minutes.”

“No breakfast in this establishment then?” She called after his retreating form down the stairs.

“I’d rather you don’t vomit in my car like you have everywhere else in my establishment, Forbes.”

“Charming,” she groaned. Partly annoyed that she threw up and partly annoyed she had to do it in front of him, of all frustrating people. She was surprised he hadn’t chanted ‘I told you so’ yet.  

But why was he so willing to take her to Dublin without question? Most guys would run in the opposite direction, especially one so rude and uptight. Maybe he was just making sure she left his precious village of Dingle? These types were protective of their hometowns so Caroline decided to put it down to that and pack her bags.

2 hours later….

“No car sickness?” He asked a few miles into their journey, passing a water bottle over the passenger seat. She’d been asleep for the most part but Klaus had noticed her rousing as they drove through a neighbouring village. 

“Wow, you really take this whole doctor thing seriously, are you sure you didn’t miss your calling?” She asked gruffly, rubbing her eyes from sleep and taking the bottle from his outstretched hand.

“No need to miss anything, I am a Doctor.” 

“But you own that inn with poor electricity?”

“Funnily enough we can multi-task over here, not sure what goes on in that warped country of yours, love. And that whole electricity debacle was your fault.”

“But yet you have time to drive me to Dublin?” She asked ignoring his last comment, no doubt on purpose.

“What can I say, I’m obviously extremely bored with my life and need something to poke my eyes out and tell me I’m not dreaming.”

“Wow, someone obviously screwed you over,” she insisted. “I can tell a jilted lover a mile off.”

“Says the person who promised me unlimited Bon Jovi and Nickelback on this road trip.” 

“Liar, stop trying to change the subject with bad music choices I never agreed upon.” 

“Says the girl about to propose to some guy in Dublin?” Klaus couldn’t help himself, it just came out. She didn’t hear him last time but this time he wasn’t so lucky.

“I tend to say way too much when I’m drunk obviously.”

“No kidding,” Klaus shot back. 

“You have this way of telling me my most insecure thoughts without much feeling. I’m a little concerned about your bedside matter to be honest.”

“My bedside manner is fine but I’m concerned about your taste in men,” he shot back. 

“Because you are perfect right?”

“Not at all,” he murmured. “My ex-girlfriend thought I was inept and it never really changed in her eyes. You called your boyfriend last night and a girl answered. You laughed it off but we both know that…”

“He’s an ass.”

“You can do so much better than him and if you don’t pick a letter I’m going to beat you at the Eye Spy Championships.”

“You’re such a competitive ass…”

“You already said that, and okay Eye Spy with my little eye beginning with…”

“X”

“Is that a kiss?”

“You wish Mikaelson,” she shot back. “It will take more than that…”

[ii-thiscat-ii]

Hmmm, DVD style commentary? That sounds cool! And like an interesting read. Hmm perhaps for the You're Trapped In Here With Me fic? And incandescence? And maybe the Alvie Rosewood Affair? If you got em

Sure, I can do this. It’ll be three different posts though, so I hope you don’t mind that.

You’re Locked In Here With Me

(DVD-style commentary is provided for the author’s own amusement and should never be expected as a given. Please do send requests though.)

The title of this is a reference. If I know TAU right, I know for sure someone’s caught it, because it’s obvious and well-known, but no one has said anything yet.

The idea came about because it is hilarious and @fenerismoon is good at making jokes, and I wanted to put them in a fic. Most of the jokes are his. I still take credit for the words.

“I hereby open the case against Tyrone Larch. Mister Larch, you stand accused of twenty-seven charges of first-degree murder and one charge of cult activity and demon worship. How do you plead?” 

Set the stage immediately. We’re not surprised about the first part, but we are surprised by the second.

Again, Dipper is pretending to be human. This time though, it’s not because he wants to try living a normal life. This time he just wants to fuck with people, which is the perfect setup for a crackfic.

Literally any of the nonsense that usually shows up in crackfic can here be explained away by ‘overpowered demon in a mischievous mood’. It gives me a lot of leeway for crack, crack, and more crack.

I’m not too happy about the courtroom scene to be honest. I like some parts of it, but the whole witnesses thing ould have been handled better, and there were ideas I like that I didn’t manage to fit in. Particularly the part where one of the cops tazed him on the way out of the building, and he just kept laughing, so they kept tazing him.

Still annoyed I couldn’t get that in here.

I do like the fact that Dipper killed a bunch of people with a gun just because he wanted to. Actually, I enjoy the image of Dipper going ballistic with a couple handguns and a slasher smile, laughing all the while. That idea existed long before this fic did.

And of course Dipper fights the charge of demon worship while entirely ignoring the murder part. He’s not ashamed of just having murdered a whole bunch of cultists, but he certainly isn’t a cultist himself!

Oh, if only the judge knew…

And then he goes to jail. Mostly because he finds the idea interesting.

The last thing the prison warden expected early next morning was to have David Halver request to see him on the subject of changing his cell.

I don’t know what Dipper did to David. I don’t know what David tried to do to Dipper. All I know is that whatever you imagine is probably funnier.

I am fond of the prison warden, though. He’s just trying to do his job, and then Alcor the Fucking Dreambender decides to make it more difficult for him.

“Eh,” he shrugged, “I’ve a good sense of taste. Let’s see…” He took a bite of the so-called mystery meat and waved his fork around contemplatingly. “Okay, there’s a lot of mink in here, and definitely a bit of frog, though it’s mostly rat, I think. Maybe some seagull. And oh, nice! Someone’s lost a finger in here!” 

I’m annoyed that I used ‘in here’ twice in the same piece of dialogue. This is why you proofread, people!

Anyways, Dipper’s having fun, and the Circle makes an appearance. One of the things I like best about this universe is that it’s so large in both space and time it’s easy to add whatever laws you want. If I want the relatively harmless circlers to end up in the same place as a 27-times murderer, I can do that. If I later want them to be a completely legit religion, I can do that too. In this one, they’re outlawed, which means Dipper has to clear them out of the way before he can make real shit.

I like to think he does care for them, if only because they’re so devoted to the more human parts of him he can’t help but feel responsible for them. In this fic, that means they don’t get shanked and that’s about it.

He did not say much. A few words here, a carefully disguised insult there, a few insinuations and implications, all said to the right people at the right time. It did nothing now, but he could practically smell the ever-present tensions rising, and he left the cafeteria that day with a full stomach and the sense of a job well begun.

I like this. The more subtle applications of omniscience, if you try, could possibly be to know exactly what to say to the right person at the right time to make them stab someone three days down the line. The implications of this are terrifying, but luckily, this is a crackfic, so no one we care about gets hurt.

The second cellmate was a convicted child molester. It did not end well.

I had to. It’s TAU, after all.

The rest of them nodded, and he opened the door again and yep, curtains. There were also floral sheets on the beds instead of the usual white ones, and a cosy chair with a book open on the armrest in a corner. Larch himself stood by the side table under the window, watering a potted plant. He was supposed to have none of those things.

This part was fun. Dipper might be in prison, but that is no reason he shouldn’t be comfortable, right?

The marijuana plant was for the lols though. Most of what he does here is for the lols, but that one most of all. The guards have already started to understand that nothing he does makes any sense, in context of the laws of nature or the laws of man.

The prison riot. Shooting people in the face is fun. Making people stab each other in the face while he sits and eats popcorn is even more fun, he realizes.

He’s not… entirely sane in this fic. He’s not all the way down, but he is at a point where he finds his own amusement more important than other people’s wellbeing. It might actually be that this incident lets him wind down ehough that he can come back to sanity.

They had to pass through three locked doors on their way to his cell. The last door opened to a plain, white room with little more in it than a simple bed. Tyrone Larch was relaxing on that bed, calmly reading a book he was not supposed to have. As the door opened, he looked up at the closest guard. 

“Was there anything you needed?” he asked. 

You can just hear him laughing on the inside. He’s not actually trying to pretend he’s not a demonic trickster god here, he’s just having fun and waiting until they give up.

“Then what is this?” asked the guard, and raised his hand holding the key he had gotten from Larch.

“That’s a banana on a string,” said the warden.

It was.

Case in point. This joke is actually entirely my own and I am very proud of it. Did Dipper intervene and exchange the key for a banana at the last second? Was it a banana all along, and he’d just made it look like a key, or tricked the guards into thinking it was a key? Who knows! Either way is fun.

This is also the point the warden actually gives up and decides to figure out what the fuck is actually going on, after which the fic is more or less over.

All in all, I really like this fic. I think it was just as long as it needed to be, with just the right mood and just the right focus on just the right characters. I can’t promise I’ll ever be able to write crack like this again, but if I get the chance, I’m taking it.

And then he was gone, along with his book and the view from the window. The window stayed, though, now showing some kind of grey void.

And of course the prison gets a memento. Namely, a prison cell they can never use again because it has a portal into the void on a wall.

Sooner or later, someone is going to find out about this, and Dipper is going to have a hell of a lot to explain.