#but what? what? 6000 years of being a bit of a dick

[winepresswrath]

Cannot believe Gabriel is the superior Angel boyfriend but no one has ever fumbled like Aziraphale fumbled.

[sleepymccoy]

sleepy’s fic masterlist

Doing this cos I wanted to! And I can’t find the short things I’ve written on tumblr half the time, so i wanted a place to go to find them. I’ll edit this whenever I post something new and give it a quick reblog when I do <3

Tumblr shorts

Inventions and Ice-cream

A chererful conversation between Crowley and Aziraphale about their favourite invention humans have come up with. Also read for hand holding, ice-cream, and macking out against the Bentley door. Goes hard on the hand holding stuff

1600-ish words

What kind of lover are you?

Filled a prompt, wing grooming by South Downs. It turned into something very soft, very loving, with some acknowledgement of the aftereffects of trauma and constant threat and the anxiety that would be on you from that. Also, some nice massaging and snark from the main two. I feel like I’m getting a hug when I read this, thb

1200-ish words

Chamomille

Aziraphale notices Crowley getting tired and swings into action with a prepared bedtime routine. Crowley is not consulted. Very short and sweet

350-ish words

Monsieur and Difficult Topics

Crowley and Aziraphale are having a meal together after the apocalypse. Crowley says they're not friends and a very challenging conversation follows as Aziraphale tries to correct this. This is a pre romance thing, so they finish having had a worthwhile conversation, not leaping into dating

2000-ish words

Burnt Coffee and Crosswords

Crowley stumbles out of bed and finds that Aziraphale has, yet again, snuck into his flat while he was asleep. Fluff and fondness ensue

1000-ish words

Absolutely Adorably Nauseating

Outsider POV of Aziraphale and Crowley having very dramatic public fights. Three different stories. Mainly meant to be funny, but has some nice fluff in it

2000-ish words

How can someone as clever as you be so handsome?

Aziraphale remembers Crowley calling him clever in an angry moment and fondly teases him for it. Very fluffy.

1000-ish words

Gifts

Through the years Crowley has been giving Aziraphale gifts that are, overwhelmingly, in poor taste. Fluffy and silly, has pictures

2000-ish words

An Unpleasant Suprise

A butteromens effort. The similar fics were Aziraphale saving Crowley from Gabriel, I wanted to do a twist that had Crowley more engaged in the fight. Turns into an awful lot of flirting and the like at the end, it’s a fun read. Quick warning for a brief decrip of gore from being burnt, but I move on pretty fast

3500-ish words

A New Eden

Filled a prompt; “I’m going to need you to put some underwear on before you say anything else.” It’s not sexy, but by the virtue of the prompt there is dick. Mostly speechless Crowley, though.

1200-ish words

Entirely Unapologetic

Filled a prompt; “so why did I have to punch that guy?” Features protective Crowley and blustering Aziraphale

500-ish words

Be Unashamed With Me

Crowley’s waiting for Aziraphale to leave a church and as he waits he gets a bit sad about his demon-hood and remembers how hopeless he was before he and Aziraphale got together. When Aziraphale joins him a lot of fluff and compliments follow to cheer Crowley up. Which works. Gets a bit flirty.

1500-ish words

Climb Every Mountain

In the biblical narrative, God tells Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac, on Moriah. Abraham begins to comply, when a messenger from God interrupts him. Abraham then sees a ram and sacrifices it instead. In the me narrative, Crowley does a favour for Aziraphale then swiftly changes his mind and doesn’t let the kid be killed.

1200-ish words

How Many Ways Can I Say...

A very short form fic, more a casual tumblr post, but it has some cute descriptions of different ways Aziraphale can sat I love you to Crowley

500-ish words

AO3 links

If You Like

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a take on the few days between apocalypse and the body switch, cos Aziraphale goes from surprised at Crowley offering to let him crash at his apartment, to swapping bodies and letting Crowley risk himself. So it’s following Aziraphale’s trauma and consideration. Lots of bed sharing and a very fluffy body-positivity ending with Aziraphale’s golden stretch marks.

10,000-ish words

Nothing’s Changed

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A week into July and Crowley has finished sleeping in. He gives Aziraphale a ring and receives a very frosty reception. Although Aziraphale insists nothing has changed, Crowley suspects otherwise. Fic includes Aziraphale pinching Crowley to prove he’s not dreaming

2000-ish words

Slipped My Mind

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Crowley and Aziraphale are so used to not being in a relationship that its quite easy to slip into old habits and forget that they’re allowed to touch now. A bit of angst, but mostly fluffy as they get used to this new normal.

6000-ish words

Requisite Lockdown Fic

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This was actually a tumblr short fic I wrote, but it got crazy out of hand and the format is much easier on ao3 so I’m linking it here. Told entirely through phone calls in the same format as the lockdown youtube special. Crowley is setting boundaries for the first time and Aziraphale is struggling to adjust to these new rules. But it goes well

4000-ish words

To Seduce, Beguile, and Entice

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Crowley isn’t any good at seduction temptations. This comes up one night and Aziraphale is concerned because he’s seduced in Crowley’s name before. All part of the Arrangement. So, of course, the only solution is for Aziraphale to teach Crowley how to seduce. It gets out of hand quickly. The last chapter is post apocalypse and Crowley tries his hand at seducing Aziraphale in a very intentionally referential way, as a kind of method to express that he’s actually interested in a relationship.

10,000-ish words

Still Waking Up

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Follows the pair for about two years after the apocalypse as Crowley is behaving oddly and Aziraphale is figuring everything out. This is your trauma recovery fic! Crowley has nightmares and a fear of fire and some abandonment. Aziraphale is lonely and feels deeply incompetent and lost, as well as having not fully resolved some of his issues with Heaven. They learn how to be on their own side together rather than keeping it all separate and protective. Also, bed sharing.

30,000-ish words

Not Quite Human

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Omnipotent POV (but not god) that sorta swaps between them. It’s just a simple 18 hours or so in the shop on afternoon as they’ve begun to get more physically affectionate. This is a decent mutual pining fic. I tried to lean into the real not-human stuff they’ve both got going on. It’s your classic admission of love fic with plenty of panicking Crowley. Features some smut with a sex-positive, asexual Aziraphale and a sex-neutral, demisexual Crowley.

10,000-ish words

the kind of thing one says easily

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This is my silly take on an au. Everything is exactly the same but they actually communicate honestly occasionally. Wild, I know. We follow Crowley and Aziraphale through moments of time in their history (some canon friendly, like follow ons from scenes in the tv show, some made up) as Crowley quite simply tells Aziraphale that he loves him. And Aziraphale gets used to it and learns to be honest in return. Things really come to a head as the apocalypse approaches. The last chapter is a sex scene, but it’s very very loving rather than smutty.

15,000-ish words

Soft.

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This is a very fluffy fic. Crowley tells Aziraphale he has a nice body and it dredges up Aziraphale’s residual concerns over what Gabriel said and in the panic-fueled conversation that follows as Crowley tries to right his wrong they slowly step in sync into discussing their feelings and wants. This fic is the big three, communication, consent, and soft. (gets a bit sexy too, but it’s pretty tame)

10,000-ish words

Is It Worth It Yet

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Around abouts the 1000AD mark, in what would become Turkey a few hundred years later, Crowley sat down, took a breath, and told Aziraphale how he feels in a total trainwreck of a conversation. Chapter 1, that conversation. Of course, Aziraphale would then expect Crowley to bring it all up again after the apocalypse, and when he doesn't he decides to take matters into his own hands and broach the topic himself. It doesn't go as well as he'd hoped. Good ending tho, don't worry guys. If you need an overload of angst then a big old hug to pull you up again, this is a good one.

10,000-ish words

Summoned

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Post apocalypse, timeline unspecified. Heaven and Hell refangle the way humans summonings work so it only applies to Aziraphale and Crowley. This means Crowley finds himself summoned an awful lot more than usual. We see their relationship readjust after the apocalypse in snippets of moments as Crowley’s been summoned. It’s mostly fairly light hearted, but there’s a couple chapters of pretty good angst and one very sexy chapter at the end! Just straight up smut, of the light d/s variety

13,000-ish words

Try Some Pride On For A Day

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Shortly after the apocalypse, Aziraphale set a challenge down. Sin vs virtue. Each chapter shows an attempt from Crowley to get Aziraphale to succumb to sin, and Aziraphale tricking Crowley into performing a virtue. Some attempts are easier than others, some are impossible. They learn a lot about each other and slip into some unexpectedly honest moments. This one gets sexy but not out of hand. Aziraphale is pretty explicitly asexual.

20,000-ish words

Needed a break, gone to France x

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A few weeks after the apocalypse and Crowley goes to visit Aziraphale to find a note taped to his door. Panic, anxiety, and general sadness over being so broken up with ensue. This is a miscommunication fic with a writing style that leans toward humour rather than angst and has a nice fluffy ending with good asexual overtones

9000-ish words

Heresy

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Set 3000 years after the apocalypse. Crowley and Aziraphale live together and are romantic. They have been left not entirely alone by their old colleagues, but they are unthreatened so it’s all okay. Until one day Beelzebub and Gabriel drop by to visit in the most surprising way. This fic is my first and was written before the discussion of Beelzebubs pronouns kicked off, so I used the actresses pronouns (she/her) instead of they/them which I’ve used since when referring to Beelzebub

2500-ish words

[petty-revenge-stories]

Sapphires aren't a Karen's best friend.

Not my story but my cousin's. Let's call him Dave. So Dave (34M) was dating a Karen for a really long time (like 4 years) and earlier this year he finally proposed. Now, Karen was a bit of a gold digger and a very entitled person. She was a bit of white trailer trash but fancied herself a rich lady. She was VERY vocal to all the other women in the family about how she wanted a "traditional" diamond ring and how she'd like Dave to follow the "tradition" of getting her an engagement ring worth 3 month's salary.

Now, Dave isn't super rich, but he does have a stable factory job and around here that's basically upper class, and his three-month salary would be between $3000 and $6000 depending on overtime. Needless to say, Dave did NOT want to spend that on a ring given the global situation and the fact that he could be laid off at any time (he'd been doing the ring shopping at the beginning of the year and thankfully wasn't laid off.) So Dave decided to look into alternatives and found white sapphires.

For those of you who don't know, white sapphires are a fantastic alternative to diamonds. They're just as hard, can be grown so they're not gotten with slave labor, aren't artificially inflated in price, and to someone who isn't a jeweler they look exactly like any diamond. So, Dave was able to buy the size stone that Karen wanted with a fancy setting, gold band, the works for a fraction of the cost if it had been a diamond.

He proposed, and told her it was a diamond and that he'd saved for a year. A bit of a dick move but it was him being petty. He told me it was probably his way of getting revenge for her being a Karen.

However, it doesn't end there.

As you can imagine, once the wedding planning started, it didn't go well. Karen was an entitled witch, and didn't understand why a GLOBAL PANDEMIC was cause enough to hinder her for having "her perfect day." It all came to a head one day when she and Dave had a fight over the guest list. The "dream venue" she chose didn't allow for as many people as they needed (like 300, hey both have big families), and Karen sent out invitations/save the dates without Dave's knowledge. Except, she ONLY invited her side of the family. No one on Dave's side got an invite, not even the in-laws. Dave called off the wedding and kicked her out of his apartment (in his name.)

Karen kept the ring out of spite, something Dave didn't really care about. It didn't hold any value to him and he was more worried about the wedding he was now having to cancel and the texts he was getting from Karen's side. It took a few months but they all calmed down and he didn't hear from her until last month.

Turns out, she tried to pawn the ring to a pawn shop in town known for its jewelry because the owners were in the jewelry business before they switched to pawning. She was CONVINCED that she's get a few thousand for it since she still believed it was a diamond. The pawn shop offered her a couple hundred because it was a sapphire and the owner actually liked it. She called Dave several times and sent a billion texts (he never answered or picked up) DEMANDING that he pay her in cash what the ring was worth, threatening to sue for the lie he told her, etc. He and I had a good laugh listening to her tantrum.

I guess diamonds might be a girl's best friend, but sapphires are definitely not for Karens.

(source) story by (/u/rosexknight)

[tanoraqui]

ok my last review of my own SPN fic from the early 2010s gets its own post bc the other two were getting long and honestly this was more Good Omens fic than anything. Literally I lost steam on it when faced with the prospect of writing Supernatural characters other than Crowley (the fic, of course, being centered around the idea that What if That Was Proper, GO Crowley, and if so, How).

Once More Unto the Breach proposes that, shortly after the events of Good Omens, Aziraphale was yanked back to Heaven and tortured for a while until he, ah, saw the light again (with input of later seasons, I suppose I’d include Naomi in this somewhere), and Crowley was yanked back to Hell where he was tortured...and just kinda. Tortured. A lot. And had his grace stripped out, this one of the last of the angels who’d followed Lucifer in his fall (and idea SPN never got into but hella could’ve tbh; it fucks). And then, now that he was basically a normal mortal, for some reason they dropped him back in the timestream in like 1500s? Scotland with no memory, planning to let him lead a normal human life and then SURPRISE you’re back in Hell! Bitch! Suffer! 

Except instead of leading a normal human life, he (per canon spn) sold his soul to a crossroads demon for a bigger dick, and then, uhhhh, paperwork got lost and he just kinda ended up in the shuffle as a normal demon working his way up through the ranks, eventually becoming the SPN!Crowley we know? Aziraphale, meanwhile, has been sent out again to participate in the newly destined Apocalypse, Michael vs. Lucifer - ineffable!

And then, ofc, they meet a time or two...mostly very awkward and Aziraphale is like, “he’s superficially familiar but no, it’s obviously not My Crowley - who was evil and lied to me, ofc”, and Crowley is like, “what a weirdo.”

The Apocalypse fails to happen again. Aziraphale attempts to quietly duck out of Heavenly duties and resume his bookstore in London. Ch.2 of this fic - which I wrote! - is a pretty solid fic all on its own, of alternatingly Castiel’s and Raphael’s side showing up and trying to persuade him to join their team, and Aziraphale trying very hard to politely send them away before eventually snapping and joining Castiel. In the middle of a fight in a random heaven that happens to be an early 19th century British Navy ship in the height of a storm, because fanfiction is for SELF-INDULGENCE and nothing else.

Actually, u know what, just

“Is that so,” Ezekiel asked softly, playing with his blades. He had three now, his own and Castiel’s. “And how, exactly, are you going to stop me?

Aziraphale made up his mind. “He’s not,” said the bookseller, stepping between them and spreading his wings like a shield in front of the wounded rebel. “I will.”

“What are you doing?” hissed Castiel. “You do not need to die!”

Ezekiel laughed. “You?” He stepped back mockingly, and spread his arms in challenge. “Little brother, you are even lower class than the pathetic excuse for an angel cowering behind you. Who are you to challenge I, Ezekiel, Weapons Master of the Heavenly Host?”

Aziraphale stood up straight, spreading his wings wider. Lightning flashed for the first time in the tempestuous sky above, illuminating their feathery expanse.

“I am Aziraphale,” he stated, “Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden.” The scabbard appeared at his side like it always did, like it hadn’t done for over 6000 years. He reached down and drew the sword, hilt conforming perfectly to his grip. The blade caught fire instantly, and any raindrop that came near evaporated to steam before it touched the flame. “And I wield the Sword of War.”

Ezekiel’s step backwards was genuine this time, as was the fear in his voice.

“The Sword is a Weapon of Heaven, and belongs to Raphael!” he managed.

“I’m afraid it doesn’t,” Aziraphale said gently. It was an elegant sword, long and thin and rapier-like, and very clearly meant to kill. “This is the blade given to my hand by Michael, Commander of the Heavenly Host, when we all trained together as brothers. Before all the senseless bureaucracy took hold. From me, it passed to the human Eve, and there it became a Symbol to the humans, of War. It’s their Weapon, really, so I will use it on their behalf. If Raphael considers that ‘rebellion’, then so be it.”

ANYWAY. So, Aziraphale joins Cas’s rebellion and mostly starts sorting records in the very neglected Library of Heaven that contains a book recounting the life of every single person ever, bc that’s my idea of heaven and I’m right. But also he needs to rescue the nice young rebel angel whose capture kinda prompted him into this decision in the first place, and that means breaking into the really serious heavenly prison area...so he goes to the new King of Hell and bargains to borrow one of the lost Treasures of Heaven (remember those, from s6?) that Crowley has ended up with. They agree: Aziraphale can have the Crown of Pollution thing for 24 Earth hours, and in return, at a time of his choosing, Crowley will get a treasure of Heaven to which Aziraphale has access for 24 hours.

Upon getting the Crown back, Crowley informs him that the treasure he’d like is...Aziraphale, actually. The Sword of War, if he wants to be fussy, and Aziraphale is welcome to come along with it! After all, surely a warrior of Heaven is as valuable as an artifact. “You want me to...smite your political enemies?” Aziraphale says slowly. “Sure,” says Crowley. “Also, come to tea for 10 minutes once a week or so and tell me hte latest news from your little war. I never said the 24 hours had to be consecutive.”

Obviously Aziraphale is Pissed AF, but he’s also stuck, and afraid to tell anyone that he’s been Dealing with a demon. So he goes once a week to tea, and gives absolutely monosyllabic answers full of ice...

Crowley fills some of the silence by starting t just bitch about work...and offers booze every time...once, after a hard battle, Aziraphale accepts...he offers bitchy comments about the demons Crowley complains about...don’t do this, Aziraphale tells himself firmly; it’s not YOUR demon, and anyway that was still probably a lie, and even if it wasn’t (it definitely wasn’t) you can’t find him; he’s probably dead...and this one’s MUCH trickier... There’s an assassination attempt on Crowley in which Aziraphale throws his sword across the room to him and it catches fire just as it does for Aziraphale, just as it doesn’t do for anyone else...

And that’s kinda where I stopped writing, bc I kept just...not wanting to write scenes with actual SPN characters, even though I really did need to involve Castiel, if I wanted him and Aziraphale to have a, “wait, you’re working with Crowley?” “Wait, YOU’RE working with Crowley?!”

I don’t really know how the rest of all that was supposed to go, with Purgatory and the Leviathans and everything. Cas WAS definitely having Aziraphale do research, while he alphabetized the Library, into Purgatory, and that’s a whole additional level of “wow I thought you were legit but Apparently I’m Disappointed Again.” Aziraphale is angry at both Crowley and Cas, but *checks outline* when Cas absorbs all the souls and goes nuts, Crowley runs, worried, to tell Aziraphale. Aziraphale tries to confront/calm Cas, and gets the dubious honor of being the first person “spared” by the new god.

Somewhere in here, logically, Aziraphale must tell SPN!Crowley about GO!Crowley, and Crowley’s like, “weird. I mean, I guess I’ve had dreams now and then of flying or being a snake or burning-but-in-a-good-way, but doesn’t everyone?” (I didn’t write this down anywhere but, like...it must happen.)

Somehow (Library of Heaven? Someone finally found the lost paperwork in Hell?) Aziraphale and Crowley find out that GO!Crowley’s (OG Crowley’s!) lost Grace is in, where else, Hyde Park, turned into, what else, an apple tree. If he is proper Crowley, it should woosh back into him when he touches the tree...

Aziraphale watched it breathless anticipation (not that he usually breathed anyway) as Crowley rested his hand on the bark of the tree. 

Nothing happened. 

“Well, that was a bit of a disappointment,” said Crowley. He reached up and carelessly grabbed an apple, brought it down and bit into it.

Everything exploded in the bright light of Grace.

In the planning document, I’ve written that Crowley goes back to Hell to try to wrangle it and Aziraphale ditto Heaven, which I guess...is reasonable. Good Omens ends with them both happily fucking off to stay on Earth and that’s the happy ending, but here, early SPN s7 with Cas having just fucked off into a lake and exploded with Leviathans, both Heaven and Hell could really use a sensible guiding hand, and unlike every other time (ie, all the time) that’s true, there’s a genuine opportunity for someone to step in and have influence. So...

Verdict: 11/10 this fic still SLAPS; thank you for coming on this exciting journey of nostalgia with me.

[sailing-elitsha]

Carrebeean, Here we are!!!

As I said before: 5783 nautical miles we sailed towards this little paradise where we are still on quarantine anchorage. Waiting on the PCR result is always making me a bit nervous, especially this time. If we are tested negative, we have the chance here in Grenada to get the AstraZeneca vaccines and we will travel much freer than we do now.

But no boredom: a little leak in the hand wash basin, try to clean the mud off ELITSHA, friends and family to speak to, small other repairs, taking the lead in UBUNTU again since we have full and unlimited internet on board, planning and booking Zora’s and Su’s tickets towards us, baking bread again and of course swimming and snorkelling.

 But let me talk first a little bit about Suriname and our short sail to Grenada. Suriname was for a long time a Dutch colony. Since 1975, this country is the smallest independent state in South America. The previous president unfortunately abused his power and all the resources the beautiful country has, for example gold, aluminium, oil, bananas got exported unwisely and the profit went into the presidents and his friend’s pockets. That is what Surinamers were telling us. In the meantime, there is a new president, but there is Corona as well. The ECO tourism, Suriname was good and well known for, stands still and the country is in a bad state and shape. At the banks of the Suriname river, entering Suriname, you see big and then I mean really big villas. According to the locals they belong to friends of the former president and to drug lords. A very familiar story to us South Africans. The Netherlands is still involved and helps where they can, but a few days after we left Suriname they closed the country: total lockdown. Just above 500 000 people live in Suriname and most of them in and close to Paramaribo. People are currently getting infected and dying in huge numbers from Corona: not enough hospital beds, not enough vaccinations, not enough oxygen……… not enough doctors and nurses. Their rainy season is terrible this year due to the ELNino effect and its really tuff for the poor population. After a good week in the Marina and a road trip through the rural part of the country to a big dam where people are searching for gold, visiting banana plantations, visiting Paramaribo with a lot of rain we said goodbye to the populated part of Suriname together with Elitsha and we sailed into the Commewijne river. This was so romantic and special. The jaguars, caiman and anacondas were too scared of us, hahahahha. We did not see them, but we heard and enjoyed the voices of the jungle, saw and heard millions of birds, parrots and all kind of other noises. It was magical.  Three days we were totally one with nature, did not see any human being, together with Elitsha.

Coming back from Commewijne river was coming back to happy reggae life. Looking for a spot ashore to get our dingy on board for the trip to Grenada, a fisher of New Amsterdam waved us to come next to his fisher boat. Loud reggae music and a very friendly crew invited us for coffee, tea and biscuits……….and dagga and rum………..Unfortunately, we had to say thank you no (dagga and rum out of question, of course). The threat of getting infected just before we go back to sea again for a couple of days made us kindly refusing the offer. Even though we chatted a while with them and they helped us to get the dingy motor on board. And that’s how Surinamers are, chatty, always happy to assist and help, curious and interested about who you are. As I mentioned before people told us in advanced, that coming to South or Central America or the Caribbean with a South African flag would ask for problems. That was one of the reasons why we registered Elitsha in Germany. But we always say that we are from Cape Town, we don’t hide that and up to now we had no bad experiences. People are impressed that we come from that far to visit their small country and want to know if we like it. They loved the fact that we speak Dutch, because Dutch is still the first language in Suriname. Anyway, after chatting to the fishermen, we tied everything nicely, slept a short night and left New Amsterdam and Suriname at 6 am on the 25th of May.

Aware of the thread of Venezuelan pirates (Surinamers and NOON site (cruiser website) informed us about it), we sailed at a safe distance from the coast. Even though we choose to pass trough the Galleon’s passage between Trinidad and Tobago, but we choose to pass it close to the Tobago side,  away of the Venezuelan coast. On our way we saw a fair number of oil platforms, huge ones, with huge flames, we could see from far. This was also a bit spooky. We had 35 to 40 knots of wind and a good speed to leave the oil area and the Galleon’s passage behind us. I think, pirates do not like rain. We had tons of rain and no pirates though……..although: Dick told me later, that 40 miles out of both coasts, the Grenadian and the Tobagonian, a fast open boat with 3 men in it sped past us. We think they were checking us out, how rich we are. The stretch between Tobago and Grenada apparently is also declared as an unsafe area. That is what we heard later when we arrived in Grenada. Our neigor, Steve, always has a gun with him. Happily, with enough wind and a strong currant we passed Tobago at 4:30 in the morning and arrived safely in Grenada at 17:00 on the 28th of May.

Close to the harbour at the quarantine anchorage we spoke to our South African friends of the Aventura, a young couple with 2 dogs and his parents on their way to emigrate to Panama. We saw them in every harbour we visited up to now. They left Suriname a few days earlier then we did. They craved for blue water and thought jaguar, caiman and anaconda would perhaps love their dogs too much. In any way, nice to see them again. They explained the Grenadian procedures to us and on Saturday we went ashore to register with the health department. We inhaled the positive and relaxed Grenadian vibe immediately: steel drum music from the taverns, people on the streets, Corona is almost dealt with.

And in the meantime, 1 week in St George, we are declared negative and are allowed to explore the island. Paul, a registered tour guide grabbed his chance. Slandering around the harbour he almost forced us to have a tour with him.  The cruise ships are missed by restaurants, tour guides…not by us. Paul told us, that they on “good” days had 6000 tourists from cruise ships ashore. Dick and I were quite happy to escape these “good“ days. Pity for Paul, that’s why we went with him on a long trip through St. George at noon and let him earn some ECDs.  Hot and up and down, I was exhausted at the end. We didn’t walk much for the last 2 months at least..

Grenada is the spice island: nutmeg, gloves, cinnamon, and other spices grow here. They have a golden waterfall and many more attractions. We will explore them all and share with you. For now, we experienced the spicy side of the island by drinking shandies with nutmeg, eating ice cream with nutmeg and gloves and some other weird things you would think its really ugg, but in reality it’s absolutely amazing.

We are registered for Astra Zeneca vaccination and yes, we are in a marina with a nice club house and WIFI and not on anchorage or at a mooring buoy. For the first time in almost 3 months, I am able to go and stay where I want on my own. For somebody like me, who likes her independence, its heaven. Opposite of our little paradise, there is another marina, posh and expensive and not really our style. Elitsha, would feel a bit lonely between all the posh-million dollar-yachts. I don’t know, if I mentioned before, that a lot of other cruisers, have fancy and well-equipped boats with freezers, bread baking automates, washing machine, water cooker……. you name it. Our only luxury is a fridge, a BBQ and a good stove with oven, cosy and exactly what we need no more and no less. Anyway, Elitsha got a good clean-up. Sticky, a local guy, Dick and I made her looking pretty again. The water of the Suriname river was dirty through mud and chemicals, they use for the gold extraction industry, we learned. And this was very difficult to get off the hull-0987654Qasdfuiop[.

My home office is in the marina’s clubhouse, with more than brilliant views!          Unfortunately, UBUNTU for Africa’s operations manager, who took over financials and admin of the NGO from me, resigned a few days ago. That’s why I am back on the job and working every day for an hour or 3. Alene Edson Smith, local social worker, who was already involved in the family program and took over my job at Kronendal Primary, is doing the hands-on jobs, where you have to be involved personally onsite, like team meetings, meetings with principals etc. For now, we won’t have stretches which will take more than 3 days and we have internet and WIFI. No problem to work though. I love my work as much as I love cruising. To combine both is absolutely great.

For the rest the NGO is in good hands, with our after-care team, Barbara Heye, who is mentor to a single mother with 3 kids. And as I mentioned before Alene Edson Smith, well known in the valley through her involvement through her own NGO, Serenity, took over the reins at Kronendal Primary from me and is mentor to 5 families in our NGO. We share the lead of UBUNTU for Africa. What I can do, I will do, where personal presence is needed, Alene will be hands on. She will lead the sound and music studio, which will release their first CD soon. Lelo managed to get 2 new volunteers into this project, for marimba and music production. Ricardo will remain taking the lead on Silikamva side and Alene will have a firm look and hand on the project.

After care is just running. Andiswa and her team also get support from Alene. But this team of 5 is just doing what they can do best: love our children and supervise, support, teach them and make sure that they are safe.  

 Questions for the kids:

1.       How many kilometres did we sail from Cape Town to Grenada?

2.       Which language do the people speak in Suriname?

3.       What kind of currency do we used in Suriname and which one in         Grenada?

4.       Please explain, what the modern pirates of the Caribbean are up to.

5.       What is the name of the small entrance to the Caribbean between Trinidad and Tobago?

 Sponsor sail:

For the ones who want to take part in our sponsor sail: We have sailed 1812 nautical miles. You can donate a cent, a Rand, a Euro or whatever per nautical mile. We are sailing for these amazing schools: every nautical mile and each Rand counts. To UBUNTU for Africa,German  NGO.                                                                                                                                                                   

The money will go to the UBUNTU for Africa projects: after care at Hout Bay Primary School and the music project at Silikamva High School. This organisation I started 12 years ago (www.ubuntuforafrica.com) Of course, you will receive a tax certificate. 

Ubuntu for Africa-Kinder-, Jugend und Familienhilfe in Südafrika                         

Volksbank Boenen e G                                                                                           

IBAN: DE91 4106 2215 0054 5799 01                                                                  

For South Africans and others, who want to donate directly to South Africa (also with tax certificate): please donate to Kronendal Primary School (www.kronendalprimary.com). I worked for 10 years at Kronendal Primary as a school counsellor. This school struggles financially due to the consequences of the Covid Pandemic and deserves our support.                                                   

KRONENDAL PRIMARY SCHOOL trading as CUIM (“the account holder”) holds the following account with                                                                                       

First National Bank, a division of FirstRand Bank Limited (“FNB”): Account Type BUSINESS ACCOUNT

Account Number 53452884035                                           

Branch Code 204009                                                                                         

Branch Name HOUT BAY 345                                                                               

Swift Code FIRNZAJJ                                                                            

[sunnyaalisse]

Differences I’ve noticed between Book!Aziraphale and TV!Aziraphale  (for those 5 people who asked) (link to Crowley version)

The dead pigeon in Aziraphale’s pocket TV!Aziraphale: revives the dead bird himself Book!Aziraphale: says “it’s too late”, lets Crowley pull the bird out of his coat and breathe life into it. when Crowley says that duh, that’s what happens when you stick a bird up your sleeve, Aziraphale replies with: “not the bird. the dog.”

The 6000 years TV!Aziraphale: gets into trouble every other century, almost gets discorporated three times, is saved by Crowley Book!Aziraphale: never mentioned needing saving, generally interacts with Crowley by drinking with him and having very prolonged discussions about human nature, God, divine plan and other philosophically ambiguous matters. 

The mafia people who think that a bookshop is not a proper way to use a perfectly good selling spot in Soho TV!Aziraphale: (in the script) is a bit flustered, makes mafia people reconsider their life choises and leave Book!Aziraphale: Men would come. Men would threaten. “Aziraphale would nod and smile and say that he’d think about [their suggestions]. And then they’d go away. And they’d never come back. Just because you’re an angel doesn’t mean you have to be a fool.”

The Antichrist TV!Aziraphale: is visibly horrified by the idea of killing the boy when Crowley suggests it Book!Aziraphale: is the first to think of it and regards killing a child as a practical way of solving the problem. he only hesitates when madam Tracy expresses confusion over the prospect of killing a kid. 

The questions TV!Aziraphale: asks lots of questions about the nature of the divine plan and stuff while interacting with his superiors: Gabriel, Michael, Uriel, Metatron - the whole lot.  Book!Aziraphale: interacts with a superior once. it’s Metatron, the scene in the bookstore with the summoning circle. Aziraphale tells him the details about the whereabouts of the Antichrist, Metatron responds with “so what? we’ll win, we want the war to play out” and Aziraphale immediately understands that there’s no point in pushing the matter. next time he asks a question is during the apocalypse. other than that all his questioning is expressed in his talks with Crowley. 

The banishing TV!Aziraphale: banishes the guy with the gun because Crowley positively refuses to, he’s having a moment, thank you very much Book!Aziraphale: banishes the guy himself because he’s exasperated and “oh, blast it. You try to do the decent thing, and where does it get you?”

The Apocalypse TV!Aziraphale: prompts Crowley to think of something “or I’ll never talk to you again”, but also actually considers threatening him with a sword first. Book!Aziraphale: calmly convinces Crowley to stay with him to try and fight Satan for the sake of humans present. he’s the one who points out that they have nothing to lose. he stays collected and calm the whole time.

The relationship TV!Aziraphale: very clearly was portrayed as loving Crowley and has a whole internal conflict about that and their relationship, which develops into a plot point  Book!Aziraphale: seems quite accustomed to their arrangement, doesn’t really mind associating with the demon, constantly refers to him as “my dear boy”, “my dear” and “dearest”, touches him on his shoulder-arm-hand casually. they don’t have a “breakup”, last Crowley sees him is when the angel goes into his bookshop after their trip to Tadfield, and next time they meet is at the air base. (*)

Overall I feel like the difference is that TV!Aziraphale is quite nervous, he’s scared of his superiors, scared of his feelings for Crowley, just generally has a lot of inner conflict. he’s a lot softer, too. his “enough of a bastard” side is more of him being manipulative and self-indulgent than anything else. Book!Aziraphale is a lot calmer, more collected, he does things himself and only asks Crowley for companionship. His “enough of a bastard” side is about him being practical to the point of cruelty. He still has lots of prejudice and some inner conflict based on his beliefs, it’s just a lot more subtle than in the show. 

Based on this post, it might seem like Book!Aziraphale is less caring, but I assure you that he’s still very much soft for both Crowley and humanity, he just has more big dick energy, if you know what I mean.  Again, I’m not saying that the differences are good or bad, I just feel like they’re there.

(*) -  which, by the way, brings me to note that Book!Crowley is an absolute sport who never even thought about abandoning the Earth. he figured out Aziraphale’s notes in the book without any help and  just drove to Tadfield straight from the bookshop, optimistically hoping to maybe still try and do something alone, even though he thought Aziraphale was out of the game

[theres-a-goldensky]

2019 FIC ROUND UP

I wrote so much fic this year that I almost can’t believe it when I look over my AO3 page. What? Not just a single Yuletide story for the whole year, you say? I wrote enough, in fact, that I decided to post a round up of my whole output last year.

My year started with discovering the wonder and joy of Schitt’s Creek and shaking off the dust to give writing it a try.

SCHITT’S CREEK

Coda series:

Pictures of a different time - ~1800 words, gen - post- Sebestien Raine Stuck on your heart - ~2400 words, gen - post- Open Mic No going back - ~1500 words, gen - post- Barbecue Speak the language of love - 1600 words, gen - post- The Olive Branch In need of a generator - ~2000 words, mature - post- The Crowening

tags: post-episode ficlets, so many feelings, pining, David is terrible at relationships, blowjobs

Standalone:

Eyes on the Prize - ~2000 words, explicit - glasses porn, for I am weak

tags: glasses porn, David in glasses, handjobs, aggressive Patrick

Next came the real life-ender though. The fandom that ate my soul and wouldn’t let me go.

GOOD OMENS

Series:

Fools in Love series:

Step in the Bright Lights - ~3300 words, teen - Aziraphale picks up some new hobbies. Crowley has no chill. Transference - ~4300 words, explicit - Aziraphale would win a gold medal in Mental Gymnastics. (podfic by jumpsoap_podfics)

tags: Aziraphale’s weird interests, Crowley is soft, bodyswap, serious repression and denial, true love is attending your grown angel’s piano recital

An Angelic Disposition series:

An Angelic Disposition - ~3100 words, explicit - Aziraphale dedicates the rest of eternity to making Crowley feel good. Hot to the Touch - ~3000 words, explicit - Missing scene

tags: very minor dom/sub, Crowley crying during sex, edging, handjobs, anal sex, Aziraphale is a bit of a bastard

Standalones:

Taking the Long Way - ~7000 words, explicit - It takes Aziraphale 6000 years to catch up. 

tags: jealousy, repression, getting together, first time, masturbation

To Rest My Weary Soul - ~4000 words, teen - Aziraphale has a hell hangover. Crowley helps. (podfic by FayJay)

tags: napping, h/c, Crowley taking care of Aziraphale, cuddling, this fic is so soft

Something To Talk About - ~3700 words, explicit - Aziraphale has some serious misconceptions about his relationship with Crowley.

tags: learn to use your words boys, pining Aziraphale, praise kink, misunderstandings, first time

The Seduction Malfunction - ~5400 words, teen - Crowley is given the assignment to seduce Aziraphale. It goes about as well as could be expected. (podfic by aethel)

tags: badly attempted seduction, Crowley has 0 chill, but he desperately wants to hit that, like forever, first time, getting together

Heaven is a Place on Earth - ~10,000 words, explicit - Aziraphale makes the choice that his subconscious was making all along. (podfic by Podfixx)

tags: accidental miracles, first time, pining, Aziraphale gets his shit together, Gabriel is a terrible boss, but Crowley is an excellent boyfriend

Time After Time - ~12,600 words, explicit - It's the day after Crowley and Aziraphale thwarted their respective home offices and saved the world - and it keeps being that day again and again and again. 

tags: groundhog day fic, Crowley goes through some stuff, angst, temporary character death, happy ending, blowjobs, first time, time loop

And finally, my little Yuletide story to cap off the year:

BOOKSMART

From Botswana With Love - ~2000 words - Molly and Amy Skype for the first time since Amy went to Botswana.

tags: best friends, girls making fun of dicks

[l-a-l-o-u]

Hi. I want to ask what are your thoughts on Spinel? I can see the problematic relationship between Pink and her, from both sides.

I have a lot of sympathy for Spinel, cause I know what it’s like to feel unimportant to someone you love & look up to, but at the same time I think she was a bit foolish to stand there for 6000 years... it’s true gems don’t work quite like humans and she did what she was supposed to do, but then again. Spinel bro. Something was DEFINETLY wrong when she didn’t come back for years! I don’t get how she didn’t even consider to go look for her. I understand why she didn’t, but like... treat yourself better dude, the heck

And the thing with Spinel is, as much as I sympathize with her being hurt, I really don’t like that she immediately seeked revenge on a bunch of strangers (her literal words) and to go out and MURDER STEVEN?! Like dude. I still think Steven was right to try to befriend her instead of fighting her, but damn. Hurting others just because someone hurt you? big yikes... she can have her redemption arc far away from my boy Steven thanksAs for Pink, of course it was a dick move to lie to her, but I really doubt she intended to make her suffer like this. From what we know of Pink, she was already very caring before she came to Earth (as seen with the pebbles) and I think she cared about Spinel. There’s lots of theories floating around to explain why she left her behind. Maybe to protect her from being broken like her first Pearl, or because she knew Spinel would make her look bad in front of the diamonds who she was trying so hard to impress. In any case I’m convinced she meant to come back - all diamonds come back to homeworld after establishing colonies. 

[banrionceallach]

Good Omens Crowley thoughts and headcanons

In no particular order

I just found out that the name Anthony can mean ‘praiseworthy’. Which, like, that’s fucking heartbreaking. I firmly believe that no matter how many times Anthony Janthony Crowley protests against being called nice or kind or good, that’s just a self-preservation instinct because if hell finds out he’s doing good he (and probably Aziraphale) would be in danger of getting destroyed. 

On a personal level I think he actually deeply appreciates being told that he’s good. Especially when it’s coming from Aziraphale. This is the guy who repeatedly mentioned that he didn’t mean to fall. Part of him misses Heaven (original flavour heaven with God present and communicating - not souless corporate heaven) quite desperately and wants to be told that he’s still worthy of it.

He was cast out for asking questions. This made him fall, as he says, doing a million light year freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulphur. Nevertheless, throughout the show he continues to question God (show me a great plan! scene)

That bit where they’re watching Noah’s Ark and he questions Aziraphale: So, giving the mortals a flaming sword, how did that work out for you? To me there’s an underlying question there as well, viz. Did you get punished for disobedience? Did God throw you away too for not following orders or did They understand that you were just being kind, that you are good and caring? What did God think of your kindness? Are you like me now? Are you Fallen?

(The A/C shipper in me adds another unspoken question, which is : Do you need my help getting used to being Fallen? You’re still a kind anxious beautiful fusspot, you won’t do well in Hell they’ll hurt you. Do you need me to protect you? Let me protect you.)

Crowley really enjoys rescuing Aziraphale (from the guillotine, from the Nazis, turning up in a flaming car at the Armageddon and casually sauntering over while tossing Aziraphale a compliment) . Again, I think part of Crowley lives for validation and praise. Part of him wants to be the shining badass (arch?)angel coming to the rescue of his beloved. And when Aziraphale thanks him, he gets to feel that for a second. Yes. You are worthy, you are good, you never should have been cast out.

Shipper headcanon: I am convinced that Crowley has an entire daydream fantasy based around him rescuing Aziraphale from, Iet’s say demonic Nazis with guillotines. In the fantasy, after Aziraphale has been rescued he breathlessly confesses that he’s always loved Crowley and then they do one of those movie kisses where the hero bends the love-interest back as the impressed audience applauds.

He’s been coming back to this fantasy for 5000+ years. By 2019 it’s got quite specific details.

Personal AU ish Headcanon: Due to just not being that evil Crowley is actually immune to holy water. He just doesn’t know it. Possibly this something in a world where he used to be Raphael. Holy water won’t work on Archangels, even Fallen ones, especially not F-in-Evil fallen archangels like Crowley. For an evil Fallen archangel who’s into the whole do evil thing holy water burns like diluted acid, but can’t kill. For Crowley - it’s just water.

Crowley is actually good with kids. Aziraphale’s not terrible either. I think Warlock being kind of a dick is a combination of (a) Crowley and Aziraphale for all their influencing had positions as servants in the household not actual parents. (b) His mother might be okay (no evidence to the otherwise but she’s an ambassadors spouse so is probably very busy with work a lot of the time,) but I suspect that Mr I HAVE A MALE BOY SON Dowling at least probably dropped a pile of toxic masculinity into his kids impressionable head. (c) He’s 11. We’ve all been self-centred little shits when we were 11 (d)  His parents named him Warlock. I doubt that was fun on the playground. He probably deeply wants a name like John or Owen or Tom.

If they actually co-parented a kid together, that kid would probably be fine, if a little odd about religious stuff.

Crowley definitely pulled a fast one and saved lots of mesopotamian kids from the Flood, while Aziraphale quietly looked the other way. (What? The notorious Serpent Crawly interfered with the Almighty’s great Flood Plan? How ridiculous. If he was around I most certainly would have noticed!! Incidentally he prefers Crowley. Er - so I’ve heard. From . .  a demon I exorcised. Yes.)

Looking after 200+ kids until the waters receded meant that Crowley got a lot of experience with infants. He is ridiculously competent with small babies. Also he just likes them because the don’t know enough to be afraid of his eyes.

Funny HC: The Walk is genuinely because after 6000 years, this ridiculous dramatic Snek Man still can’t quite get the hang of legs.

Non Funny: it’s because of the curse God cast on him after he tempted A&E. Crawl on your belly and consume dust . . . .and if you don’t it’ll hurt. A Lot. Crowley has the angel equivelent of Scoliosis. His spine and hips are a mess in human form and he’s a regular on chronic pain management forums.

Coming across posts from kids with severe chronic pain makes him depressed and angry at God all over again.

[patricianandclerk]

Regarding the Bentley scene, what would it take for Aziraphale to realize he is selfish? I doubt Crowley would tell him directly, especially early on in their post apocalypse relationship. How capable of self reflection is Aziraphale if he’s still worried about falling based on recognizing his action as bad. Like it takes a private meeting with Gabriel and co, who want to support him but see that Aziraphale can be selfish towards Crowley , for Aziraphale to admit to it.

You know, I'm not sure.

Like Book Aziraphale, a lot of TV Aziraphale's selfishness and bitchiness come from like... constantly justifying it to himself. He says, hey, I'm a good person, so it's okay for me to be selfish in x situation, or BETTER for Aziraphale, I'm not REALLY being selfish, I'm just... insert excuse here.

For TV Aziraphale, I think there's a big thing where he's like...

Oh, but Crowley is a demon, so it's okay if I'm like this! Crowley is a demon, so I can be selfish with him, I can be unkind, I can be a bit of a bastard. And there's a freedom in that, to be able to be a bastard with Crowley, but THEN... Then he takes it too far. Then he pushes aside not just his own anxiety, but Crowley's feelings. He justifies it to himself, he says Crowley is only a demon, he doesn't really have FEELINGS...

And yet at the same time, I feel like he does the same with Gabriel and the other angels. They're only angels, they don't feel like I do; they're dicks, so I can say whatever I want, and it's no trouble, it's not so bad of me; Gabriel doesn't really MATTER, none of them really MATTER...

And then I think he does the same even with humans.

It's a self defence mechanism. I don't think he even realises he's doing it, and he certainly doesn't realize how much his different excuses contrast one another and contradict.

I don't know, I think he'd need time to unpack. Crowley actually breaking and getting emotional would be a good catalyst for Aziraphale considering himself and doing some self analysis. Not because of like, an ultimatum, but if Crowley said, hey, I actually need space because I'm literally dying of my yearning...

Maybe Aziraphale would think about it.

Then again, he's been avoiding basic self-reflection for over 6000 years, so maybe not.

[ao3feed-goodomens]

Soft.

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2AYcuBl

by sleepymccoy

Crowley has had one thought going about his mind for a while now, and that is that he really likes Aziraphale's body (highlighted by how he comparatively didn't enjoy seeing Aziraphale in Madame Tracy). But how does one tell their friend of 6000 years that he's got a hot bod? Awkwardly and with great difficulty, is the answer. He accidentally dredges up a Gabriel-related issue Aziraphale has been holding on to. This fic got away from me a bit, it was meant to be 2000-3000 words of body positivity, but then Aziraphale blurted out his feeling and they had to navigate that whole thing so now it's 9000 words that get a bit steamy at one or two points. Lots of 'what do you want?' and 'are you sure' it's very sweet

Words: 9178, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: attempts at good communication, Body Positivity, references to gabriel being a dick, they spend some time calling each other handsome and beautiful but its all very difficult, talking about feelings, and attraction, and all that sorta stuff, classic miscommunications but they sort it all out in the one night, Consent Checking, a good and lovely amount of consent checking, aziraphales clothes are difficult to remove, Accidental Confessions of Love, which are repeated much more intentionally later, roaming hands and feeling each other up a'plenty, things get heated but they stay clothed, theres some through pants touching activity though, i believe frotting is a term?, aziraphale has had sex before but crowley has not, they discuss it cos this is really a consent heavy fic, Fluff, First Kiss, first I love yous, nice good fluff, this could be rated teen, but they get hard ons and go for it a bit so i played it mature

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2AYcuBl

[ao3feed-ineffablehusbandz]

Soft.

by sleepymccoy

Crowley has had one thought going about his mind for a while now, and that is that he really likes Aziraphale's body (highlighted by how he comparatively didn't enjoy seeing Aziraphale in Madame Tracy). But how does one tell their friend of 6000 years that he's got a hot bod? Awkwardly and with great difficulty, is the answer. He accidentally dredges up a Gabriel-related issue Aziraphale has been holding on to. This fic got away from me a bit, it was meant to be 2000-3000 words of body positivity, but then Aziraphale blurted out his feeling and they had to navigate that whole thing so now it's 9000 words that get a bit steamy at one or two points. Lots of 'what do you want?' and 'are you sure' it's very sweet

Words: 9178, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: attempts at good communication, Body Positivity, references to gabriel being a dick, they spend some time calling each other handsome and beautiful but its all very difficult, talking about feelings, and attraction, and all that sorta stuff, classic miscommunications but they sort it all out in the one night, Consent Checking, a good and lovely amount of consent checking, aziraphales clothes are difficult to remove, Accidental Confessions of Love, which are repeated much more intentionally later, roaming hands and feeling each other up a'plenty, things get heated but they stay clothed, theres some through pants touching activity though, i believe frotting is a term?, aziraphale has had sex before but crowley has not, they discuss it cos this is really a consent heavy fic, Fluff, First Kiss, first I love yous, nice good fluff, this could be rated teen, but they get hard ons and go for it a bit so i played it mature

source http://archiveofourown.org/works/20975417

[antibioware]

crowley and aziraphale for the meme

HELL YEAH

Crowley:

How I feel about this character: I love him to bits he’s so stupid it brings out the morosexual in me. I love him to death and beyond. it’s awful how many emotions i feel for this dumbass idiot.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Aziraphale and Aziraphale only. 6000 years of idiotic mutual pining, yearning, AND a forbidden gay relationship on top of it all? where else would you find this stuff? what’s the point in wanting to ship him with somebody else?

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I am a big fan of the concept of him and Anathema being asshole friends and you’ll pry it from my cold dead hands

My unpopular opinion about this character: not a fan of the Raphael theory, not now not ever. he’s an anarchist, no way he was “angel nobility” when he fell, he probably was some low tier angel.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: he should have been allowed to kiss and hold hands with aziraphale but supreme home of phobes neilman said no

Aziraphale:

How I feel about this character: I personally relate to him to the point of discomfort, between the catholic gay guilt and the terrible fashion sense and being so gay he can’t help being targeted by homophobes in public. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: shipping him with his husband Crowley is the only ship that should exist, honestly. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I think potentially, him and Madame Tracy would be really good friends. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: listen i love tv show!zira so much but you can’t deny he was woobified compared to the book. book Zira had such strong bastard energies that show!zira simply is missing.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: he should have kicked Gabriel in the imaginary dick

[coeus7]

Preuzeto sa literotice - za 5 :)

To the reader: This story is a bit of a slow burn, it serves as a set to part 2 of the story. In the author's humble opinion, stories about human sexuality are more intense and gratifying when they are both believable and involve characters who have some emotional depth. Every day, people somewhere partake in what many would call extraordinary sexual adventures. How they came to it is as at least as interesting as what they do. This is a complete work of fiction. The characters are wholly made up, as is the premise of the story. However, the general nature of the sex scenes are somewhat consistent with some of the author's personal experiences although enhanced by poetic license. The resort where the story occurs is likewise fictitious but loosely based on the amalgamation of resorts which the author has visited. ***** Hi, my name is Tim. I consider myself an average guy. At age 52, the body is holding up okay. I try to keep in shape, but I will admit I'm a little bit soft in the middle. I am not bad looking, but then again, a modeling career is not in my near future. Unfortunately, I wasn't blessed with a huge a dick, just an average one. My wife tells me I am good looking, I suspect she is prejudice in my favor, she also says I have an unusually attractive penis. I've seen a few dicks in my life and finding one attractive is unlikely. I think attractive is a word woman use when big is not on the table. She also says its thicker than average, so I guess I got that going for me. In general, I am the guy down the street, or next to you at work. Hell, more than likely I am just like you. So how does an everyday average Joe end up in a tropical paradise with his cock buried in his 28-year-old sister in law while she is going down on a 35-year-old goddess? That my friends is a story. It all begins about 10 years ago when I joined the ranks of the happily divorced. I dated a little for about 3 years before Providence introduced me to Joanne. We dated, fell in love and much to my surprise, I remarried. She's six years younger than I, but it looks more like 10. For my money, she's the perfect woman. She's smart, articulate and a successful business owner. She is also easy on the eyes. She has light brown hair, high cheekbones, and warm brown eyes. At 5'10" and one hundred and forty pounds she looks fit and healthy. She is in the gym 3 times a week and does yoga at night. She has that sexy muscle tone that gives just a bit of definition in the abs. She has pert A cup breasts, and best of all, she has quarter sized areolas with prominent nipples. When cold or exited those "pokies" are unmistakable. Best of all, like many women her age, she has grown comfortable with her body and sexuality. Jo is fearless in bed. She lacks inhibition, she likes what she likes, she wants what she wants, and she is without shame. Early on I was thrilled to learn that she enjoys a rich fantasy life and loves to talk dirty before and during sex. On many nights, I was amazed as my sweet, reserved JoJo rode me while whispering about imagined group sex, exhibitionism, or a lesbian fantasy. Sometimes she would give me a "self-love show." As she touched herself, she would talk about blowing one of our friends while I fucked her or sharing me with one of her friends. When she is inspired, my sweet girl can get as raunchy as a drunken sailor. She can practically talk herself, and me, into an orgasm. To my everlasting joy, I discovered she wasn't just all talk. My first exciting discovery was that she is a bit of an exhibitionist. Soon after we started dating, we took a trip to the Caribbean and discovered the joys of nude beaches. On the second day of our first trip to Jamaica, she agreed to give the au natural beach a shot, and we have never looked back. Now, we only go to resorts that have a nude beach. If you talk to nude beach enthusiasts they will tell you it's not a sexual thing, it's about freedom and being comfortable in your own skin. This is true; being naked in nature is both liberating and self-affirming. And I agree that you do get used to being around nude people, and you come to accept them for who and what they are, and how they look. Surprisingly, folks on nude beaches are much more friendly, talkative and social than their textile counterparts. Social nudity is a shared experience that builds a sense of community. People on nude beaches are just a lot of fun! But at least for me, there remains a small underlying current of sexuality When I am standing next to and speaking with, a nude woman, I cannot help checking her out. I also have to admit that it's kind of a turn on when I catch other men ogling Joanne. And, make no mistake, JoJo likes the attention. She likes to see naked people, and moreover, she loves to be seen. More than once, I have seen her wiggle a little extra as she strolls by a man, or her legs casually open a bit when she notices a man or women sneaking a peek. Perhaps, the sexual undertones come from the fact that the fantasy of sex with nude strangers and the reality of it are not as far apart as some of the more avid naturists would have you believe. My experience over the years has taught me that more than a few naturists are also exhibitionists. They like being nude, and many find a little thrill in being seen naked. Let's face it, to jump into communal nudism requires a certain adventurist nature and a heightened awareness of the body. I am not suggesting that the folks on nude beaches are all getting their jollies, they certainly are not, but many are a little more sexually liberated than their textile friends. If you read literature on nude beaches and resorts, you find that sexuality is dismissed as unwelcome and a non-occurrence. Don't believe for a second that libidos are left at home when vacationers make their way to the nude beach. Experience has says otherwise. Although we are not swingers, Jo and I have had a few occasions where we have explored a little vacation eroticism. Like many couples, we have enjoyed some romantic interludes during moonlight visits at the nude beach or hot tub. It is not uncommon for couples to migrate to the beach hot tub at night with a bottle of wine and romance on their minds. Being naked in a hot tub at night is not only romantic, its erotic; and making love in the open air is electrifying. All the better is "playing" in the presence of a likeminded couple. Being watched while you play naked with your spouse is a form of "safe" naughtiness. It's Certainly not "typical," but every now and again the moonlight, the wine, and the nudity conspire to lower inhibitions. Sometimes fooling around in front of other couples, can lead to more adventurous behavior. It happens a lot more than you might guess. Joanne and I have had the pleasure of sharing each other with a few new vacation friends and even strangers. In these encounters, Jo has learned that her fantasy life mirrors her real passions. She has found that she occasionally likes to "play" with girls. Like me, Jo loves the feel of a woman's body and, the taste of it. Mostly she revels in the taboo. She also loves to suck a strange cock once in a while. She tells me it isn't the cock she loves so much as the rush of being with a being with a stranger. She loves the complete naughtiness. I suspect there is a bit of a bad girl lurking in many women. Absolutley, there is a wicked woman in my sweet wife! This has led to a couple of partner trades and even threesomes involving some soft swapping. We limit our fun to oral sex, and we have never brought our fun and games home. It's more of a guilty pleasure that we allow ourselves on vacation than a part of our lifestyle. Still, nothing spices up a getaway, or for that matter a marriage, better than a little naughty fun once in a while. Memories of watching your wife go down another woman or blow another guy while his wife is sucking you off can fuel an intense sex life at home. Of course, there is also the thrill of new adventures. Let me tell you, if you have never experienced having two women giving you a blow job at the same time, you are missing out. I am a lucky guy! Naturally, I've come to really look forward to our annual trips to the nude beach resorts in Jamaica and Mexico. I love warm weather, blue water and sand on my toes but let's face it; what guy doesn't want to see naked women all day and maybe get into a threesome! Last October, I eagerly booked us into our favorite Jamaican resort for a late December trip. Because sometimes I am more frugal than smart, I opted for a great deal on a prepaid, nonrefundable vacation. Two weeks before our departure Joanne dropped the bomb. She had to opt out of the trip. Susie, her assistant manager, was due for surgery. Susie is the only other person in the world that Jo would trust with her business for 8 or 9 days, and so travel was just not gonna happen. On getting the news, I was not sure what upset me more, missing the vacation or losing more than $6000. I suggested that perhaps I could find someone to buy the vacation at a discount, but I was not optimistic. There are not just that many people who can drop what they're doing for an extended vacation on two weeks' notice and can also lay their hands on several thousand dollars for what amounts to a last-second whim. A few days later Joanne dropped bomb number two. She looked me in the eyes, and in a sincere voice suggested that I take her younger sister Sarah along with me to Jamaica. As always, my response was decisive and articulate, "you want to run that by me again?" She patiently repeated the suggestion followed by, "there's no use in wasting all that money. If you take her, you still get to go to the Caribbean, and you will be out of my hair for a week while I deal with work. Just as importantly Sarah will get a chance to go on once-in-a-lifetime vacation; that she couldn't otherwise afford." I replied, "let me get this straight, you want me to spend 7 vacation days plus a couple of travel days with your sister. Your sister with whom I have nothing in common, barely know, and who rarely says more than 4 words in any one sentence. Is that about the size of it?" With a slightly evil grin, her reply was simple, "yup." "It will be good for the 2 of you to spend some time with each other, and I would like for you to get closer." I was truly surprised by Jo's attitude, "you realize that the resort only rents to couples, no single rooms, and no double beds. Just how close do you want us to get?" I expected her to say that she trusted me. I thought she would say "it will be fine." I hoped she would say "let me rethink this." What I got was, "you're both grown-ups, you'll figure it out." I thought, What the hell does that mean? "Look," I said, "I'm not sure how comfortable I would be in such close quarters for a week with your sister. That's a lot of intimacy." With a wry smile, she replied, "what do you think is going to happen? Do you think she's going to see your cute little ass and attack you?" Internally my mind flashed to, it's not her I am worried about. I said, "No, just the opposite. Pardon my French, but your sister sorta of has a stick up her ass. Sharing a small room and even a bed with me is not going to turn out well. I have no doubt I am going to say or do something that's going to upset her." "Look, play it by ear and be patient. Sarah was not always so uptight. When we were growing up, Sarah was fun loving. She even had a little wild streak. That was before Nick fucked her over." At this point, my idiot light was blinking, and I decided it would be smart to drop this line of conversation. JoJo was getting a little defensive of her sister. I thought I'd mess with Jo a bit. "Well, maybe I could get her drunk enough to go the nude beach with me," She laughed, "They don't make that much rum! Still, a week in Jamaica wearing a swimsuit is still better than a week in an Indiana winter. Besides, you might get lucky. I know it doesn't sound like her to go to the nude beach, but she may work up the nerve." She added, "Frankly, I'd encourage you to take her, it wouldn't hurt her to loosen up a bit. Since the divorce, she's been a bit of a hermit and little on the fussy side." Stunned, I said, "you're telling me you're okay with me taking Sarah to a nude beach?" "Hey, why not?" she said, "you're the one always going on about it not being a sexual thing. Besides, you're going to be spending a lot of time in a small hotel room with her, it might make the whole thing a little less awkward." I shook my head, "this is crazy, in what world is seeing each other naked going to make anything less awkward? I have some real reservations here; your sister and I are not what you call close." "I know," she said, "that's kind of the point. I think it will be good for her to get away, I think it'll be good for you to get to know her better, and it would be good for me if you two got closer. Seriously, it would really make me happy if you did this." You may be wondering why I was so resistive to taking Sarah on vacation. First, Sarah and Joanne have a complicated relationship. Jo is 44 and Sarah is 28. Because of their age difference they never really spent that much time together growing up. Sarah was a bratty toddler when Jo was trying out for the cheerleading squad. After their mother had died the two became much closer. But, it was a relationship that was built as much on friendship as sisterhood. Still, there was also a little mother-daughter element to it too. Also, because of the age difference, they could frustrate the hell out of each other. Joanne worries about Sarah, she feels responsible for her welfare. Sarah has no desire to be mothered. Because Joan and I hooked up late in life, I am sort of along for the ride. While we get along, Sarah and I are cut from different cloth. To understand this, you must understand Sarah. She is a 28-year-old divorcee who seems to be going on 18. Nick, her idiot ex-husband, left her without much money and even less self-esteem. We suspect he physically abused her, and we were sure he did so emotionally. Since the divorce, she seems to have been drifting, and she is a little bit bitter. She's a sweet kid in her own way, but her personality ranges between snarky and just plain cynical. She has a smartass comment for everything and doesn't seem to like anything. As best I can tell, her only interests are in her ever-present cell phone, the occasional video game, and reality shows. I don't think we have ever had a serious conversation, nor could we. We are from different worlds, and I don't understand hers. Spending 9 days with her would be a challenge. There was another concern as well. Frankly, I was not sure I completely trusted myself around her. While her personality was a bit annoying, the rest of her was very attractive. Sarah is about 5 feet 5, and probably around one hundred and fifteen pounds. Although not tall, she seems to be all leg. She has shoulder length sandy blonde hair and a few freckles that suggest almost a sort of redhead's complexion. Sarah is not classically beautiful, but seriously cute with a touch of the wholesome girl next door thing going on. In fact, she sort of reminds me of Kirsten Dunst. To her credit, for a thin woman she's got a plump round ass, and although I did not know it at the time, she has gorgeous (maybe a B-Cup) tits that are remarkably round and pert. I had seen her in a bikini once, and she could do it justice. But, it was her eyes that really drew your attention. They were an incredible shade of dark blue and very expressive.   I was concerned that my thoughts were not always as wholesome as they should be. Frankly, she sometimes showed up in some of my more explicit fantasies. So, I had to admit that while the idea of sharing a room with her had some lecherous appeal, I also thought it held some risk. Logically I knew that nothing would happen between Sarah and me. After all, I was more 20 years older than her. Still, if I said the wrong thing, or she caught me staring just a little too long, it could get real awkward real fast. All I needed was to convince Sarah, and by extension Jo, that I was perving after her. Still, the vacation had some appeal. I would still get to go to Jamaica, and I would feel I got something for my money. Most importantly, Joanne said she wanted me to do it, and Joanne is almost always right. If I had any lingering doubts, Jo blew them away that night. I was in my den working when Jo came in gave me a peck on the cheek and announced that she was going up to bed. She warned me not to work too late and pattered off up the stairs. About an hour later, I went into the bedroom and found her sound asleep. I tiptoed into the bathroom and took a quick shower before going to bed. When I came out of the bathroom, I was thrilled to see my lovely wife stretched out nude on the bed enthusiastically pleasuring herself. Her heavy breathing, the fine film of sweat covering her chest, and look of pure lust on her face told me she was close to orgasm. I said, "baby, you look so fucking sexy. What brought this on?" She partially came out of her trance and said, "I just had the most erotic dream. Someone had tied me to a chair, and I was being forced to watch you with Sarah. You were licking her pussy, and she was coming so hard. I called your name to get your attention, and Sarah hushed me and told me to wait my turn. Then after she came, she was sucking your cock, and I was begging for one of you to untie me. You came all over her face, and then the two of you walked over to me and started kissing me. I could taste her pussy on your lips, and your cum, on hers. You started rubbing me down there, and then Sarah put her breast in my face and made me suck her nipples. I kept begging you to untie me, but you kept telling me that I loved it, and I did love it. Then you said that the two of you were going to use me as your toy. That's when you came in and woke me up." During the telling of her dream, she continued to finger her herself and her voice was growing increasingly raspy. Jo then looked at me lustfully and beseeched, "baby lick my pussy, lick my pussy like you licked Sarah's pussy. Make me come like you made Sarah come." I knelt and moved my face to her open legs. I started gently nibbling and licking my way up her thigh. But JoJo was not in the mood for gentle seduction; she grabbed my hair and pulled me into her. Even inches away from her pussy I could feel her heat. The smell of her sex was intoxicating, I drug my nose through her incredibly wet lower lips. Even that simple act elicited an urgent moan of pleasure. I ran my tongue up her swollen outer lips and around her clit being careful not to touch it. I wanted to tease her. She raised and moved her hips trying to force contact with her hot button. She groaned, "don't tease me, baby, lick me. Finger fuck me, get me off please." I slid 2 fingers into her hot wet tunnel, and her hips rose up to take them. I then circled her clit with my tongue. "Yes Tim, like that. Mmm, think about Sarah's pussy. Do You think I taste like Sarah? Do you think I smell like Sarah?" She panted, "Show me how you would make her cum. Make me lick her pussy off your face." As she said this, I flattened out my tongue hard against her clit and licked with long firm strokes. She came; she came hard. I could feel her pussy tightening around my fingers. She let out a guttural noise that I couldn't understand. She ground her hips against my face. I then felt the spasms deep in her as she peaked. But this was not climax, this was prelude. I gently started licking her outer lips, then probing her hot wet vault with my tongue. Soon I moved to lightly flicked the tip of my tongue against her for clit so as not to over stimulate her. I inserted two, then three fingers and curled my index finger to rub her G spot. I slowly brought her back to the precipice. I felt her pussy tightening again, and again she began moaning, "Timmy, oh God I love you, make me cum, please make me come baby." And, cum she did. JoJo's clitoral orgasms are usually brief and intense when I bring her to orgasm via the g-spot she has what she calls 'rolling organisms." Not quite as intense but protracted and often multiple ones. Unlike some women, she does not squirt, but when she comes hard, she floods, releasing a surprising amount of honey. I was rewarded with a sweet musky explosion that covered my face and ran down her crack to the bed. I rolled off of her to catch my breath. But no sooner had I done so that I felt her warm mouth engulfing my cock. I looked down and saw those beautiful brown eyes staring at me lovingly. She took her mouth off of me and said, "do you like the idea of eating Sarah's pussy? Would you like her to suck your dick like I am now? If she saw this beautiful hunk of meat, she would want to put it in her mouth. She would want you to ram it in her. She would ride you until she came and came." She then engulfed my cock again. Between the expert work of her tongue, and the images she put in my head; my load exploded down her throat within just a few minutes. With an evil grin she said, "my my, it seems that my big boy gets a little-excited thinking about my baby sister." "From the sound of it, I'm not the only one" I replied. She then gave me a big kiss, rolled over, and said "Don't try to embarrass me," Soon she was sleep. I laid there awake with thoughts flashing through my mind. What the hell was that? Is she giving me permission to play with Sarah? Is she messing with my head to get me warmed up to the idea of taking Sarah with me? Is she having erotic fantasies about her sister?" One thing was for sure, I was suddenly more intrigued with the idea of a vacation with Sarah. Joanne called Sarah a few days later and had her come over to the house. We made our generous offer, and true to form, Sarah's response was underwhelming. She thought about it for a few minutes and said, "yeah, I guess that it would be cool." Joanne made it clear to her that she would be sharing a room with me and wanted to know if she was comfortable with that. Again, she thought a few seconds and said, "yeah, that'll be weird, but we can make it work." She then smiled and said, "I've always wanted to go to the Caribbean. This will be fun, although going with Tim wouldn't exactly be my first choice. But, what the hell." What she did not say was "thank you." I said, "yay, I'm thrilled too!" If Sarah got the sarcasm, she did not show it. Jo did though, and I got the look. The three of us spent the rest of the evening going over the trip itinerary and stressing to Sarah what to pack, what she was not allowed to take through security, and of course, things to do while we were there. I stressed the importance of not over packing. "It is way easier to get through the airport and customs without check bags. You won't need a lot of clothes, so you should be able to pack everything you need into a personal bag and a carry-on." Sarah smirked, "I won't need a lot of clothes huh, perv boy? Are you going to try to get me to go native?" Embarrassed, I said "I meant that the resort is casual, shorts and T-shirts are good for almost everywhere we will go. You might need just one or two nicer outfits." A long second passed, and then both women broke out laughing. Apparently, Jo had briefed Sarah on the resort's nude beaches. Not for the last time, I thought to myself, this is going to be a long trip. Day 1. "The long and winding road" the Beatles Because we had a 6 AM flight and lived 2 ½ hours from the airport, I booked a room at a hotel offering free long-term parking. The plan was to drive to the hotel the day before the flight, turn in early and be at the airport by 4:30 or 5 AM. During the time between our invitation for Sarah to join me in Jamaica and that the day that we were to leave, she repeatedly made it clear that she thought a 6 AM departure time was ridiculous. I had explained that it gave us a nonstop flight and would get us that the resort by early afternoon. My rationale did not impress her, and she groused about it in a couple of texts to me. The upside was that I made her text list! Departure day came, and Sarah met me at the house. We threw our bags in the car, and I was happy to see that she took our advice; she had only brought a small backpack and a carry on roller bag. When we were ready to leave Joanne gave me a big hug and a nice kiss, "have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do." "I don't know, I have seen you do some pretty naughty things," I said. She gave me a more passionate kiss and said, "when you get home you'll see me do some more naughty things!" Sarah chirped in, "okay let's not get gross." Our car trip consisted of 2 ½ hours of me trying to start conversations which quickly fizzled out, while Sarah sent out a constant stream of texts, tweets, and snap chats. We got to the hotel around 4 o'clock and checked in. The desk clerk confirmed my reservation for a standard room with a king size bed and 8 days parking. On hearing this Sarah said, "Hold on, we need separate rooms." I told her that I made the reservation before Jo had canceled. The clerk said that there were rooms available and we could get one for one hundred forty dollars. I told Sarah, "if you want to spring for a separate room, that's fine, it won't hurt my feelings." She frowned, "I was kind of hoping you'd pay for it, but if not, can we at least get separate beds?" The clerk assured us that rooms with separate beds were available. On the way to the room, I couldn't help but think, She going to be pissed when we get the resort and realizes that separate beds are not an option.what have I got myself into? Once in the room we dropped our bags, and I suggested that we should grab something to eat around 6 o'clock and try to be in bed by 8 or 9 at the latest; as we had to get up by at least 3:30 AM to get the shuttle over to the airport. She informed me, "unlike you senior citizens, I don't go to bed until midnight. I Don't think I can get any sleep going to bed that early." Slightly annoyed, I replied, "Suit yourself but tomorrow is going to be a grind, and 3:30 in the morning comes fast." With a grumble, she agreed. After supper, Sarah announced that she was going to grab a shower. With that, she disappeared into the bathroom. Just then my phone chirped. From JoJo: "how's it going?" From Tim: "Argh" From JoJo: "Be nice... what's she doing now?" From Tim: "shower...getting ready 4 bed." From JoJo: "ooh la la" From Tim: "cool off... separate beds.. luv you." From JoJo: "give her a chance. you'll have fun, I promise... luv you 2... goodnight." From Tim; "Goodnight," I have to admit the "ooh la la" started the wheels turning. I began to wonder what Sarah's bedroom attire would be. I imagined her coming out of the bathroom in a little nighty, or maybe her underwear, or maybe underwear and T-shirt. Maybe I would hit the jackpot she would come out nothing but a towel. I was inwardly embarrassed by these thoughts, but after all, she is an attractive woman, and I am a guy; which means that I am a horn dog. I reminded myself no matter what she was wearing, not to stare and keep my mouth shut. In other words, enjoy the show but play it cool. As it turned out, playing it cool was pretty easy. Sarah came out of the bathroom wearing a ratty T-shirt and even rattier flannel lounge pants. I guess you could say she was kind of sexy if you're into that I don't give a shit homeless look. My disappointment quickly evaporated when other thoughts intruded into my head. I came to the realization that I had a problem. You see, I don't wear pajamas at home, and it did not occur to me to pack any. I looked at Sarah and said, "I'm going to grab a shower too." She flicked on the TV, "It's all yours." "Here's the thing," I said "Jo and I don't wear pajamas and it didn't occur to me to pack any. Are you going to be weirded out by my sleeping in my underwear?" She cocked an eyebrow, and chuckled." I think I can handle seeing you in your boxers." Then she added, "if they are tighty whities though I am so going to barf." This is when two more realizations hit me. First, I don't wear boxers, and tighty whities would have been a blessing. A few years ago, Jo had talked me into wearing long legged athletic briefs made out of that shiny material that supposedly wicks moisture. If you're familiar with these you know they fit skintight and leave very little to the imagination in covering your package. The truth of the matter was that Sarah was going to get a pretty accurate view of my junk. Just as troubling was problem number two. Because of the nude beach thing, and the fact I go commando allot, I don't bring a lot of underwear while on vacation. The truth of the matter is I only packed 4 pairs. Somehow, I was going to have to make those few pair work nine days as both underwear and now sleepwear. The irony of the situation did not escape me. A few minutes earlier, I was secretly letching over the idea of Sarah prancing around in her panties, but as it turned out, she was fully dressed, and I was the one doing the prancing. Such is karma. Again, I thought, this is going to be a long vacation. I took my shower, dried myself off and put my underwear back on. By the way, there is no worse feeling in the world than putting on used underwear after a shower. I looked at myself in the mirror, and there was my bulge prominently silhouetted in detail. (well, bulge may have been a generous word.) The thought of Sarah seeing me like this was a little unnerving, but also a little bit exciting. Let her look she might just like the view, I thought, and with that idea, Mr. happy started to swell a bit. Then panic set in. Crap, I thought, all I need is for her to see me walk out with a chubby. The embarrassment of that thought took some of the enthusiasm out of Mr. happy. As I prepared to leave the sanctuary of the bathroom and strut my stuff for Sarah, I thought, this is weird, I don't believe I am doing this. By the time I walked out of the bathroom I was only half aroused, which actually worked in my favor! As my bulge and I walked out in my suddenly uncomfortable underwear, I caught Sarah sneaking more than one peak. "Well," I thought," that's kind of interesting." As I got into bed, I heard "Hey Tim, cute butt!" "Shut up," I said, and I turned off the light, and we tried to get some sleep. Day 2. "A Hard Day's Night" The Beatles Anyone who has flown to Jamaica knows that it can be a long and grueling day. We woke up at 3:45 AM and took turns getting dressed in the bathroom. We then hustled our way down to the lobby and on to the shuttle. The trip went smooth enough, but as always there was the grind of getting through TSA lines, and then sitting on your ass for an hour and a half waiting to get on the plane. Then there is the joy of a four- hour flight in a stuffy, overcrowded plane. On landing in Jamaica, there is the long walk to immigration then standing in line for an hour. After immigration, you get to stand in line for another hour waiting for customs. Sarah was tired, and so sullen and quiet. By the time we made it into the departure terminal we were both wrung out and hungry. I was not looking forward to a two-hour bus ride. But I reassured Sarah that the ride to the resort would have a lot to see. Although she was exhausted and obviously cranky, she did perk up when we got into the departure terminal, and she got her first feel of the warm tropical air. It also helped that we got some snacks and a couple of beers. One of the first new discoveries I made about her, was that Sarah liked her drinks. She quickly pounded down to glasses of Red Stripe. It was the first discovery, it would not be the last. On the bus ride to the resort, we met Mike and Tammy. They were a young couple, likely close to Sarah's age, from Wisconsin. Mike seemed like a nice enough guy but was pretty quiet. Tammy, on the other hand, was one of those people who never met a stranger. She immediately struck up a conversation with Sarah and I and pretty much talked from Montego Bay to Ocho Rios. Tammy explained that this was their second trip to the resort and they just loved it. She then went on to give us the lowdown on the resort, and what to do and see. I did not have the heart to tell her I had been there several times before. At one point, she asked if we were going to try the nude beach. With just a touch of dismissiveness, Sarah said she didn't think so. Tammy excitedly explained that the nude beach was the highlight of their first trip. They'd worked up the nerve to try it last year and absolutely loved it. Sarah, who typically has little to say about anything, volunteered that she couldn't imagine having the guts to try that. Tammy said, "you really should give it a shot. I was nervous too, it took us five days to finally work up the nerve. I really regret waiting that long. You really should try it your first day. If you don't like it fine, but you will." Tammy then assured her with all the passion of a newborn nudist, that it was a wonderful, and so liberating. She then tried to relieve Sarah's obvious apprehension, " it's like jumping into a chilly pool. The fear is worse than the reality. If just you just jump in you find out it's great. Within 15 minutes I felt so good and free!" Sarah replied, "I think I'll have to take your word for it." With that Tammy changed the subject. "If you don't mind me saying so, I would not have guessed that you 2 were a couple. Are you married?" Before I could answer, Sarah volunteered "no we're not married, we just work together. He's my boss, and he offered to take me on this trip." With a confused look on her face that slowly morphed into surprise then disapproval, Tammy said, "oh that's cool." She then promptly turned around and started talking to Mike. I leaned into Sarah and whispered, "what was that bullshit about?" She chuckled, "I thought it sounded weird to say that we were going on a vacation as brother-in-law and sister-in-law." I shook my head, "so you thought it would sound better for me to be a dirty old man who was into sexually harassing his employees." She chuckled again, "yeah that sounds about right. And besides, it shut her up didn't it?" I asked, "so do you think we will run into Tammy on the naked beach?" "Dream on brother-in-law," was the reply. We finally made it to the hotel and checked in. During check-in, Sarah asked, "do you have rooms with two queen beds?" The desk clerk laughed, "no my lady, this is a place for romance. Did you and your man have a bit of a fight on the way here?" Sarah replied, "no, it's all right." "Well then make up and enjoy our hospitality!" "Thanks," she said, but there was definitely a pensive look on her face. When we got into the room, she looked around and then looked out the windows. The views were breathtaking, and the room was beautiful. She looked at me with a huge grin on her face said, "Wow, this is awesome." I was happy to see her so animated and replied, "I told you that you would love it." Then she frowned as she looked at the bed. "It's going to be weird sharing a bed, I wasn't ready for that." Trying to be funny, I said: "just keep your hands to yourself, and we'll be fine." It was about 1:30, so I suggested that maybe we should grab something to eat and maybe take a tour the resort. Sarah replied, "I'm all for getting something to eat, but I am too tired to tour anything right now. How about we just go crash on the beach this afternoon." We had a great lunch at the buffet and went back to the room to change into our suits. As expected Sarah went into the bathroom to change. As I waited for her, I wondered what kind of swimsuit she would come out with. A lot of women will wear an extra daring suit when they are on vacation under the assumption that they are among strangers. But, since I was there, I expected Sarah to wear a normal bikini. I was surprised when she came out of the bathroom. Here was a very shapely young woman wearing a very modest one-piece swimsuit. I laughed, "did you borrow your aunt's swimsuit for vacation?" With hands on hips, she retorted, "don't give me any shit, I use this suit when I swim at the YMCA. It's the only one I own." I put my hands up in a defensive posture and said, "No, no it's all good. Let's go to the beach, Mildred." My charming wit earned me a scowl. We packed a beach bag with sunblock and towels and walked down to the beach where we found a couple of open lounge chairs. We lazed around for about 40 minutes and 3 mojitos each, then decided to take a walk on the beach. During our walk, we passed people of all shapes and sizes. We saw modest (older)women in one-piece swimsuits and many women in various bikinis. Happily, I noticed more than a few extremely tiny bikinis and even some micro thongs. As we passed a particularly daring women, Sarah said: "I would never have the guts to wear something like that." "Why," I asked. "First, I'd be afraid of what people would think. Secondly, I don't have the body to pull it off." I looked at her and said, "I don't really think she cares what people think, and why should she? And secondly, don't sell yourself short. You are a bit of a hottie, and you would look pretty good in almost anything you wore." She gave me a funny look, and I immediately regretted the comment. After an awkward silence, she punched my arm, "so you really think I'm a hottie?" I smiled and said nothing. As we got to the far end of the beach, we came across a clutch of braver sun worshipers. A few men were wearing Speedo's, and several of the women were topless. In fact, one woman was walking out of the ocean wearing an incredibly tiny bikini bottom that looked more like shoe laces and nothing else. Sarah frowned and turned on her heel to head back the other direction. She muttered, "I thought the nude beach was on the other side of the resort, what the hell are they trying to prove." I'm not sure why, but her comment bothered me. I should've let it pass, but I didn't. I said, "The nude beach is full on naked only. This is the regular beach. Besides, they're not trying to prove anything, in fact, I don't think they really give a shit what we think. They feel good about their body, and they're comfortable in their own skin. They are enjoying themselves, why should we care what they do." I added, "Don't hate on them just because they are braver than you." Sarah looked at me defensively and said, "I don't see you wearing Speedo." I replied, "I think they're goofy looking. I'd be more likely to just go naked." Sarah laughed and said, "yeah, like you would go naked on the beach." I smiled back and said, "would, and have." With a look of shock on her face, she exclaimed "you've been on a nude beach? What did Jo think of that?" "She was there too," I said. Sarah just shook her head and muttered, "I'll be damned. Jo told me there was a nude beach, she didn't say you tried it." "Truth is, we damn near live on it when we are here." She studied me closely and then started walking again. We stayed on the beach until around 5 o'clock and then headed back to the room. We took turns using the bathroom to shower and change and then had a few cocktails on the balcony until supper time. After we ate, we had a few more cocktails at the bar. After several rounds, Sarah looked at me and asked, "so you and Joanne have gone to nude beaches?" I kind of felt guilty about revealing personal details about Joanne to her sister but replied, "yes, every time we come to Jamaica." She looked at me thoughtfully and said, "what you said earlier, it's not that I'm judging people. It's just that I can't imagine myself doing that. I almost wish I was that brave. If I had a better body maybe I would." I told her, "you should never do anything you not comfortable with. But, it really saddens me that you're so body conscious. You should be happy with whatever body you have. A woman's body is a work of art, including yours." She smiled sadly and said, "Nick sure didn't think so. He constantly reminded me that my butt was too big and my boobs were too small." I put my hand on top of hers and said earnestly, "I have news for you, your ex-husband was a dick head. The whole family thoughts so. The only reason he ridiculed you is that he was an insecure little baby man. He could only feel good about himself by tearing you down. He knew damn well that he was an overachiever by marrying you and probably was afraid that you would realize it one day. Sarah, you are incredibly beautiful, and you have a great figure." I'm not sure, but I thought I saw her eyes tear up a bit. "If I'm such a catch how come I haven't had a date since the divorce?" I told her, "because you go to work, come home and sit on your couch. Unless the pizza delivery boy is the man of your dreams, you are not likely to meet anybody locked up in your house. And if you don't mind me saying so, you come off as a little aloof." She rested her head in her palm, "you're right, I need to make some changes and put myself out there. But it is hard, anyway this week I am going to have some fun!" I couldn't help but think to myself, I can't believe I'm having this conversation with her. She may have a personality after all. "Tim?" I looked at her, "what?" She smiled and said, "Thanks for the ego boost, and thanks again for bringing me here. It's really beautiful." Hmm, I thought, maybe there's more to her than I would've guessed. After drinks, we went back to the room. Sarah went into the bathroom and emerged in her T-shirt and ratty flannel night pants. I shucked off my shorts and shirt and headed towards the bed in my underwear. "Gosh," she said, "I thought Mr. naked beach man would be sleeping in the nude." I shook my head and said, "sorry to disappoint, but I don't want to freak you out." With that, she pulled the covers back and took the long decorative pillow that had been sitting propped against the headboard and laid it out between us as a sort of protective wall. She chirped a friendly good night, and we both fell quickly asleep. Day 3: "She Got Me Half The Way There" Day Tripper, The Beatles We woke up the next morning, changed and hit the beach. After lunch, we caught a shuttle to Dunn's River Falls. I have to admit that it was a very enjoyable afternoon. First, the falls are always fun and, at least in my opinion, one of the most beautiful places on earth. Also, much to my surprise, Sarah had come out of her shell a bit more. She seemed to be in a good mood, and we laughed and talked quite a bit. If you've ever done the falls, you know that you spend a considerable amount of time scrambling up slippery rocks and it is important to help each other along the way. The climb along with conversation the previous night did much to break down barriers. I couldn't help but think to myself that JoJo was right; this trip was bringing Sarah and me closer. She was definitely getting more comfortable around me, and I was surprised to find that I starting to enjoy her company. After we got back from the resort, we had a couple of hours to kill before supper. We planned to clean up and then have a few cocktails before going to the restaurant. We sat out on the back patio and had a couple of rum and Cokes. When Sarah finished hers, she announced that she had to get her wetsuit off and was going to go take her shower. I followed her into the room and turned on the TV. I heard the shower running, and I heard her using the blow dryer. I was stunned when a few minutes later she walked out the bathroom in her bra and panties. I was also pleasantly surprised by her taste in lingerie. I'm not sure why, but I sort of assumed that her underwear was just the typical everyday variety . But the vision that walked out of the bathroom was more like a Victoria's Secret ad. Both her bra and panty were a matching vivid red with black detailing. The bra was obviously a push-up that created some impressive cleavage. The panties, what there were of them, were obviously made of a very lightweight, almost flimsy fabric. The tiny patch of fabric did not so much cling to her as it just hung on her hips. Although not see through, they left little to the imagination. The overall effect was mesmerizing. She noticed me taking her in and said, "you've been walking around in your underwear, I guess I can too, right?" Trying not to appear overly enthusiastic, I said: "sure whatever you're comfortable with." It was hard not to stare. Her long shapely legs transitioned into the gentle curve of her hips, with only a small piece of red fabric loosely hanging on them. It was obvious Sarah was well groomed because her panties barely covered her mound and no hair was showing. Her tiny waist led the eye to her breasts which were practically pouring out of the bra cups. When she walked past, I discovered that her aversion to thong swimsuits did not extend to panties. There in plain site was that lovely ass I had fantasized about so often. It was round and firm and perfect. I get that underwear is really not much different than a bikini and seeing a woman in underwear should not be a big deal to a grown man; but seeing an attractive woman walking around in lingerie, especially in a bedroom, makes an impression. In this case, that impression was acknowledged by a swelling in my shorts. Here was shy little Sarah, openly parading around in her underwear, especially such sexy underwear. To her it was probably no big deal, to me, it was a very big deal. If I stayed in that room I was going to embarrass myself, so I excused myself and headed for the shower. It took 20 minutes to shower and, shall we say, relieve some tension. When I came out of the bathroom, I expected Sarah would be dressed and ready to go. But I was pleasantly surprised to find her still in her panties and bra stretched out on the bed watching TV. Lying there, she looked so long, so languid and feminine. To my embarrassment, my dick began to swell again. Standing there in my too tight underwear she had to notice. I turned away and found my shorts. If she saw my reaction to her, she did not acknowledge it. Either fortunately or unfortunately, on seeing me, she said: "I'm hungry, let's get dressed and get going." With that, she jumped off the bed and slipped on a sundress, and off we went to dinner. In my head, one word was repeating over and over... Busted! Dinner was once again followed by drinks. To my surprise, Sarah visited with several people in the bar. She was coming out of her shell! I suspect some of her newfound social confidence may have been alcohol fueled. Frankly, we were both more than a little drunk by the time we stumbled back to the room. On the way, we passed one of the pools. It was a beautiful night, and the gorgeously lit water looked inviting. Sarah suggested that we put our suits and go for a late-night swim. The idea sounded good to me, and so we had a plan. While Sarah went in the bathroom to put on her swimsuit, I quickly changed in the bedroom. After a few seconds, I heard a loud "fuck!" "What's wrong?" I inquired. "I just tore my suit dammit" was the reply. She came out of the bathroom in her robe holding the suit. I asked, "How the hell did you do that?" She replied, "Da, I'm drunk dammit, and when I tried to step into it I lost my balance. I tried to catch myself, and my foot ripped crotch out of it. Now, what am I going to do?" I said, "relax, we can get you another suit tomorrow." She pouted, "but I wanted to go for a swim tonight." Smiling, I halfheartedly threw out the suggestion "we still can." Sarah thought about this for a second and said, "I am drunk, but I'm not that drunk. I'm not going skinny-dipping with you." I was encouraged that it took her a few seconds to say no to skinny dipping, even though I had not suggested it. I pointed out," just go in your underwear, it sorta looks like a swimsuit. Besides, I doubt anybody will be there but us." She didn't say anything, then turned and went back in the bathroom. When she returned in her bathrobe, she announced: "I'm ready, let's go." When we got down to the pool, I told her that I wanted to get in the hot tub before swimming. She liked the idea, and we walked over to a secluded little spa tub surrounded by plants. I hopped in and noticed that she was hesitating by the edge of the tub. I asked, "what's the problem?" "I'm not sure how well I'm going to be covered when I get wet." I told her, "it's just us, and I won't look." With a smile, I added... "much." Like a little girl she raised on her tiptoes and said 'promise not to tease?" I solemnly gave my word. She dropped the robe, and happily, I saw she was still in the same red and black lingerie from earlier. She eased her way into the tub. I noticed that when she sat down, she kept a respectable distance between us. We soaked for about 5 minutes before fate intervened. Another couple made their way to the hot tub and joined us. As soon as they got in the tub, Sarah slid over close to me with a panicked look on her face. I liked the feeling of her body next to me knowing how nearly naked she was. But I was worried about how she must be feeling; she was trapped in a hot tub practically naked in the presence of s strangers. I whispered, "don't worry about it, you look fine, and besides you'll never see them again." They seemed like nice folks, maybe in their mid-50s. She was quite friendly and small talk quickly ensued. The husband was keeping up with the conversation, but obviously, his attention was focused on Sarah. I think he tried his best not to be obvious, but he was constantly trying to catch glimpses of her. Sarah must've noticed and apparently, she was not as mortified as I thought she would be. After about 10 minutes she announced that she was getting too hot, and to my utter amazement she stood up and then sat on the edge of the tub. When she stood up, the look on our companions' faces was worth a picture, especially his. Sarah's panties were practically sheer, and they slid down to the point where they were barely covering the top of pussy. In fact, a wisp of pubic hair was showing over the top of the panty. Her bra was holding up better, but even it had slipped down enough that a small portion of her left areola was peeking out. Her dainty bra was poorly disguising her very prominent erect nipples. She adjusted herself as best she could and then brazenly sat on the edge of the pool on full display and continued the conversation as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I'm sure that our friend had a hard-on, God knows I did. A few minutes later, Sarah suggested that we hop in the pool and cool off. We said our goodbyes grabbed our robes and walked over to the pool. I have no doubt that our new friends got quite a few of Sarah's thong-clad ass as she walked away. Incredibly, she did not bother to put on the robe, and I detected a little extra sway in the hips as she walked. There were two couples at the pool lounging by the sides chatting. Sarah moved to the opposite end of the pool, dropped her robe and jumped in. We enjoyed the pool for a few minutes, just floating and immersing ourselves. It seemed that Sarah was having a hard time keeping her bottoms on and was continually adjusting them. After a few minutes, we decided to head back to the room. Sarah worked herself to the edge of the pool and pulled herself out. When she came out of the water, her panties slid halfway down her thighs. I was off to one side and could only glimpse a bare butt cheek. However, I am sure that the folks across the pool got quite an eyeful if they were looking. She stood, pulled up her panties, put on her robe and hurried for the room. When I caught up I said, "who are you, and what have you done with shy little Sarah?" She replied with a grin, "that was a little naughty and a lot of fun." I chuckled," I'm pretty sure you're going to be in at least one guy's fantasy tonight." To which she replied, "only one?" The implication did not escape me, and again I felt my cock starting to swell. When we got back to the room, we took turns getting ready for bed. I went first and used the bathroom to change out of my wet suit, dry off and put on my sleepy time underwear. Sarah followed suit, only this time the funky flannel jammies were replaced by a crop top and panties. She explained that her jammy pants were getting a bit ripe. She climbed into bed and told me to sleep well. I could not help but notice that there was no pillow between us. After a minute or so, she giggled "I like Jamaica!" I thought to myself, I would never have thought I would hear her giggle, I liked it. Day 4: "When I saw her Standing There" the Beatles I awoke the next morning I found myself spooning a warm breathing body. My face was buried in her hair, and I found the smell of it intoxicating. During the night my hand had found its way to her breast, and a morning erection was pressed against her buttocks. Against my will, I moved my hand away from her breast and to her tummy. She sighed and stirred. I apologized, "sorry I didn't mean to wake you." She nuzzled a little closer to me and said, "it's okay, I've been awake for a little bit." As I lay there enjoying the moment it occurred to me that she did not move my hand when she woke up, nor had she pushed away from my morning erection. Almost as if she was reading my mind, she said, "it has been a while since somebody was holding me when I woke up. It's nice. She snuggled closer, "I don't miss being in a relationship, I don't even miss the sex that much. I do really miss being held in someone's arms. This isn't too weird for you is it?" My only reply was to gently stroke her hair for a few seconds pull her closer. She wiggled her ass a bit, "ok, maybe lied, I do miss the sex a little." And then we drift back to sleep. When I woke up again, I was alone in the bed. I heard Sarah moving around in the bathroom. I got up and saw that the door was open, so I pattered in to get a drink of water. She was standing at the sink in a pair of extremely cute yellow underwear and a matching bra, brushing her teeth. As I downed my water, she spit out her toothpaste, wiped off her mouth and asked, "did I act too stupid last night? Did I embarrass you?" I laughed, "are you kidding? Last night was great. I enjoyed every second of it." I chuckled and added, "I can tell you for sure that married couple will never forget you." She said, "I felt a little slutty." I shook my head, "don't sweat it" She cocked her head, "I said I felt slutty, I didn't say I felt bad about it." We dressed and went to breakfast. Afterward, we went to the resort gift shop to look for a swimsuit. In the best of circumstances, swimsuit shopping is frustrating for women and absolute hell for the men who go with them. In this case, it was also also fruitless. The suits were expensive and generally very racy. After looking at several, she announced that there was not a single suit that she would wear at home, and she did not want to pay $100 for a one-timer. I suggested a duty free mall near the resort. "Maybe we could go there later that afternoon and have better luck." She thanked me for being so patient, and we headed back to the room. It was about two hours until lunch, and she asked what we should do. I told her I would really like to go sit on the beach for a while. "Well without a suit I can't go swimming, but there is no reason I can't sit in the sun," she said. So, I put on my suit, we grabbed our towels and our beach bag and went down to the beach. We camped out in some loungers at the far end and ordered drinks. It was getting hot, so I took off my shirt to get some sun. An hour and three rum runners later a lady just down from us took off her top. Sarah looked at her for a long second, then announced: "this is stupid if she can go topless, I damn well take off my shirt." And off it came. It was hard to believe that this woman who wore jammies to bed was now laying on a public beach in broad daylight in her bra. Even more surprising is that a few minutes later off came the shorts as well. The sight of her lying there in some very sexy lingerie for all the world to see was a turn on. There were some women with a little less on than she, but the idea of her being in her underwear in public was exciting. Seeing any woman in her underwear in public would be exciting, but especially Sarah. It so out of character, it seemed so erotic because it was so daring for her. Even more exciting was the fact that once again, her bra was vainly attempting to restrain aroused nipples and her panties had a distinctive wet spot. Obviously, she was turned on by displaying herself, and she was doing it in front of me. I developed a full-fledged erection my swimsuit could not hide. She looked over at me and said, "this is kind of sexy being exposed like this." I answered, "I have to admit, you look pretty hot." She looked at my crotch and said, "are you hard because of that topless woman over there or because of me?" I put my hands on my lap and replied "no comment." "Don't sweat it, it's okay either way." Later, we ate lunch and went swimsuit shopping at the mall. It actually was a good day for knocking around, and we had fun. Just as importantly, she found a suit that would work; and because I knew that she couldn't afford it, I bought it for her. I was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek. That night the resort held a special buffet on the beach. They had numerous tables set up each accommodating three couples. After getting our food, we were waved over to the table by Tammy and Mike from the bus. Sitting with them was a couple Tammy introduced as Diane and Darren. She told us that they had recently met them on the au naturel beach. Diane was nothing short of stunning. She had dark brown eyes and dark hair that cascaded halfway down her back. She had olive skin that gave her an exotic look. Although she was sitting, it was obvious that she was tall and well built. I could not help but notice that she had very prominent breasts that had that gravity-defying quality that only augmentation can produce. She and her hubby appeared to be in their mid-30s and from her dress and jewelry they obviously had money. When they said hello I picked up an accent and asked where they were from. They said they were from San Antonio Texas but had just moved to Chicago. He was an investment banker and was an interior designer. I liked them both, and apparently so did Sarah. It was a lovely evening, and we all chatted throughout supper and the evening's entertainment. The conversation was, of course, was dominated by Tammy who raved on about the resort, the food and of course the nude beach. She suggested that we all go over there for the after-hours party the resort was throwing after the dinner. Diane and Darren said they were in, but Sarah was obviously hesitant. She said, "I don't think I could handle a naked dance party." Tammy laughed and said, "no, the party is at the nude beach, but everyone will have clothes on." Sarah brightened and nodded yes, "Sweet, I could use some dancing." And so, we headed off to the pool at the nude beach to go party. The Music was great, and everybody danced. Not surprisingly, the warm Jamaican night inspired serious drinking. After a few hours the crowd thinned out and as the band shut down. Most of the guests headed for their beds. Suddenly there was applause. One of the partiers had stripped off her clothes and jumped in the pool. She was being joined by several others. You gotta love it when normally reserved folks let loose, and there was suddenly a lot of attractive flesh appearing. Tammy squealed with delight and began to strip. Tammy had a few extra pounds on her, but she was attractive in her own country girl way. She was not what I would call overweight, just fleshy. She was heavy breasted and wide-hipped. Like so many other women on nude beaches, she was completely without any body hair. She looked good naked, that was for sure. Tammy had caught my attention, but it was quickly stolen by Diane. While other women were pulling and yanking off various clothing items, Diane simply pushed the straps of her dress off her shoulders and let it fall to the ground. Suddenly there she was fully, beautifully, perfectly nude. She was evenly bronzed without a hint of tan lines anywhere. Diane could have been an actress, model or a centerfold. She had large perfectly round breasts with large dark areoles punctuated by pert erect nipples, long muscular legs, a flat stomach and perfectly shaped hips centered by a beautiful bald pussy. There is a common belief that all pussy's look the same. Anyone who has spent time on a nude beach knows differently. When standing up, many women have no pussy showing at all, or perhaps just a hint of the top of their labia may rise into view. Some women, however, have pussies that extend up and forward so that their labia are clearly visible while standing. This was Diane. Unfortunately, my view of her was to brief. She no sooner disrobed than she jumped into the pool. Watching everyone undress sort of made me forget about Sarah, and without thinking, I pulled off my clothes and jumped in too. Once in the water, I realized I had abandoned her. I looked back up on the pool deck, and she was standing there looking rather indecisive. Then, once again she surprised me. She pulled her sundress over her head. I half expected her to stop there and perhaps jump in and her underwear, but she did not stop. She slipped her bra off, and for the first time, I laid eyes on her beautiful breasts. They were smaller than Dianne's but natural, and no less beautiful. They had a roundness and firmness belonging only to the youth, and small busted youth at that. They were decorated with a few light freckles, and light brown areola's. Incredibly, she had the same pronounced puffy nipples as her sister, and they were fully erect; standing out maybe a half an inch. She was looking right at me, our eyes met. With a just moment's hesitation, she slipped off her panties and presented me with an incredible view of her lovely body. She watched me closely as I took in the whole of her. Although not tall, her legs were long for her height. This coupled with her slight build gave her a languid feline quality. She had the tiniest of landing strips on her mound, which was otherwise waxed clean. Like so many thin women, her vulva rose like a small hill above hew most intimate self. She too had lower lips which were visible standing up even with her legs together. She was gorgeous, that sexy little body coupled with her fresh, girl next door face was captivating, and at that time in that place, I was feeling pure lust. I wanted her, and I wanted her badly. She stood for a moment, as if letting me take in the sight of her, then she gave me a tentative smile and slid into the water. By my side. She came up to me, she leaned in close and said "I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm naked in front of a bunch of people. I can't believe I'm naked in front of you." I was aware of her breasts touching my chest as she whispered to me. Not knowing what to say, I slipped an arm around her tiny waist and whispered back, "you look incredible." About 20 people were in the pool splashing around like children and having a great time. Eventually, a few of them moved to the hot tub, and Sarah and I joined them. Soon many couples got into the tub, to warm up, and be sociable. It became pretty crowded, and wives ended up sitting on laps. It took a few minutes, but without any coaxing from me, Sarah climbed on my lap. It was unbelievable, here I was with my naked sister-in-law sitting on my lap. I wasn't exactly sure what to do with my hands, so I wrapped them around her waist and rested them on her thighs which were pressed together. As I was pondering the beauty of it all Mr. Happy started to wake up, however, with some effort, I managed to control myself. That was until Mike started openly playing with Tammy's tits. Several couples including Diane and Darren began making out while others watched. It was too much for me, and I developed a full-fledged erection. I had my legs together so Sarah could sit on my lap, but my developing erection required I give it some place to go, so I opened my thighs slightly. My boner rose up until it made its way between her thighs. After a few seconds, she too opened her thighs so that her legs were outside mine. With her legs so open, my cock rose up against her pussy. I knew she was aware of it, but she did object or move away. She leaned back against my chest and rested her head next to mine as we watched the increasingly intense foreplay of our tub mates. Suddenly I felt her fingers brush against my cock. The contact of her fingers against my erection sent electrical shocks down my spine. Amazingly, I felt her fingers moving, but not on me. She was discreetly playing with her herself. I Thought, Incredible, Sarah is sitting on my naked lap playing with her pussy while we watch strangers make out. I noticed felt the arm of the woman next to me moving under the water She was either stroking her husband or herself. I could not tell which. I was so horny I didn't know what to do with myself. I reached around Sarah and started to rub my hard-on. As I did my thumb pressed against her fingers, she moved her hand away, and so as I stoked myself, my thumb was rubbing her. Soon her hand replaced mine as she drug my erection against her. Her breathing became deeper. At this point, Darren got out of the tub and sat on the edge. Diane turned around and took him into her mouth. Tammy and Mike, and another couple copied them. As we took in the sight, a strange hand began exploring Sarah and me below the water. Sarah whispered in my ear "this is getting out of hand, we should go." Frustrated, I nodded in agreement. We got out of the tub along with a few other couples and dressed. Out of the tub, Sarah blatantly studied my erection. She said nothing, but it was a lingering look. I could not help but notice that Sarah did not hurry to cover herself. She casually put on her dress but carried her bra and panties. We left without speaking a word. To break the tension on the way back to the room, I quipped, "you know it's a good party when you carry your underwear home." Sarah laughed, "so you've been to a couple of these parties before then?" I looked straight ahead and said "no comment." Back at the room, Sarah surprised me again. Rather than going in the bathroom to change she just simply dropped her dress on the floor and standing naked in front of me put on her panties and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She came out still wearing nothing but panties and climbed into bed. I went in the bathroom, took care of my raging hard-on, brushed my teeth, put on underwear and headed for bed. As I prepared to climb in, I noticed I had a text. JoJo: "having fun?" I couldn't help but think she must be psychic. I answered back- Tim: "just went skinny dipping with about 20 people." My phone dinged immediately. JoJo: "hot!! Wish I was there." Tim: "wish you were here too.. Want you bad!" JoJo: "mmmm me too.. What's my sexy baby wearing?" Tim: "LOL... As a matter of fact, nothing" JoJo: "and where's Sarah?" She had attached a winking emoji With more than a little nervousness I answered - Tim: "lying on the bed" JoJo: "naked too?" Tim: "panties" JoJo: "naughty girl.. Too bad about the panties... picture?" Tim: "WTF" JoJo: "if you can't be with one you love, love the one you with" Tim: "are you fucking with my head?" Several seconds went by and then got a private message. "Seriously, if an opportunity to play a little comes up don't say no because of me. I have shared you before and I trust you.I have no problem with you having some fun, even with my sister. I love you, and I love her. She could use some attention from a good man." I sat stunned for several seconds. My thoughts were interrupted by Sarah. "Was that Jo?" "Yes, she sends her love." Sarah looked at me. "How do you think she would feel about us being in bed nearly naked?" "I'm pretty sure she'd be fine with it" I stammered. With that, I swung under the covers. Sarah was laying on her side, and I did the same. A few seconds later she backed up into me so that we were spooning, she took my arm wrapped it around her waist and said good night. A moment later she whispered, "I know that having to wear underwear to bed is a hassle for you. I guess after all that happened tonight, it's okay if you want to go commando."

(btw. ima i nastavak)

[prorevenge]

Killing a toxic co-workers hopes, dreams, and future.

Names changed for anonymity, happened a few years back. This is a long one so TL;DR at the bottom.

Background: I got a job working for a small hardware company. 4 people in the office, a few in the warehouse, and a delivery driver. Nothing fancy, but it got me off the night shift and onto a desk. The owner was a pretty nice guy, let's call him Ray. Ray took over the family business in the early 2000s. Like most small business owners he was pretty frugal. The job came with absolutely zero perks. 10 vacation days that doubled as sick days, no insurance, everyone was hourly and Ray hated paying OT. He had one large customer that accounted for about half his business and everything after that was profit. He had gotten to the point where the business was doing well enough to support his comfortable life (10-3 schedule, 4 weeks vacation, season baseball tickets) and had zero interest in growing it beyond that point. But my problem was not with Ray, it was with the absolute b*tch in the purchasing department.

The players: Four people in the office meant that every part of this business fell to one of us. Ray was the owner, he negotiated large scale orders both with customers and suppliers. Sarah was our admin/receptionist, sweet as pie. I was in charge of order processing and logistics, and I did quite a bit of work revamping the company website. Ingrid (aka B*tch Supreme) handled small scale purchasing and most of the other customers.

Ingrid was a living nightmare sent to punish all mankind for our hubris. She had the personality of a one dimensional Stephen King character that would be whipping an unruly mob into a frenzy. She was trash, plain and simple. She was also the most spiteful, hate-filled, vindictive gorgon to ever walk gods green earth. She was a born-again Christian so because she went to church every Sunday she thought she could do no wrong. Ingrid, for whatever reason, disliked me from my first day. I don't know if she saw me as a threat or was just having a moodswing ( I'm no psychologist but I'm 98% sure she was bipolar) but she was not happy about my joining the company. She kept it civil at first. Ingrid loved to gossip at anybody who would listen and since I was always at my desk I made for a captive audience. Everything she said was vile and mean-spirited, and most of it was blatant projection. She would complain about which actresses she didn't like like because they were too fat (Ingrid was easily north of the 300 lb mark) or had an annoying voice (Ingrid had a slight lisp). She would thump her bible to the tune of how the gays were trying to destroy the sanctity of marriage (she was twice divorced) and complain about how Obamacare was costing her too much money (she had no insurance for herself or her kids, and had a handful of pre existing conditions, she just hated Obama). She would tell stories about how she was with her son at the grocery store and he yelled at a polish woman to speak American or get out of the country LIKE SHE WAS PROUD OF IT. All in just the worst person I've ever had to work with.

In spite of all that I felt I could just ignore Ingrid's bullshit and do my job, but then she started focusing her dislike of me into petty hatred.

The spiral downward: Ingrid would take anything and everything personally. If I didn't say good morning to her she would complain to Ray that I was being rude. Ray knew she had a screw loose so he dismissed it. She didn't like that. She started trying to frame me for not entering orders that she claimed to have given me a week ago. I quickly put that shit to bed by date-stamping every order that came across my desk and checking with her, Ray, and Sarah for new orders every hour on the hour. Every time something went wrong her knee jerk reaction was to blame me and throw me under the bus.

The breaking point: One of our larger customers bought from us because their purchaser was a friend of Ingrid's. She made the connection between the businesses and Ray gave her a decent commission from it. I had met through a friend of a friend the purchaser from another large manufacturing company that uses products very similar to ours. Ray told me if I could get them to submit a sample order he would give me the same kind of commission, but that it was all on me because drumming up new business was extra work that he didn't want to do. Now like I said, this job had no perks so any shot at extra cash was a godsend. I rode my desk hard, my phone, my email, chasing this lead like a hungry dog. Finally I got the purchaser to agree to submit the order. I was over the moon. Enter Ingrid. This whole time she was pouring doubt and skepticism over the entire venture, really she just didn't want anybody else to achieve what she had. Sarah was on vacation so Ingrid had taken over front desk duties for the week. I don't hear back from the purchaser, ever. Eventually I get ahold of him a month later and ask when he was going to send the sample order. He told me that he had called a few weeks back and that the lady he spoke to said that our company didn't have the capacity to supply what they wanted. I ask him what day he called, turns out it was during the week Ingrid was answering phones. Ok, act like human garbage, whatever, I don't care. Try to make me look bad at work, screw you, I'll rise above it. Sabotage my chance for a substantial raise? Now you've awoken the dragon. I was trying to save up for a down payment on a house, and Ingrid thinks she can put my future on hold? Nope. Not happening. I vowed that vengeance would be mine.

The revenge: Ingrid had been taking online and night courses at a local community college because she wanted to become a THERAPIST (I wish I was making that up) and was currently working towards her associates degree. Ingrid was about as smart as she was skinny, kind-hearted, and pleasant. She often did her class work in the office after Ray had left for the day. One day she asks me if I can take an online quiz for her. Now I'm still furious at her for tanking my commission so I'm not about to do her any favors. But then she says something that I'm sure I've never heard her say before: Please. This was followed by "it's an earth science quiz and I can't lie." Freeze frame, record scratch. I need to process that sentence. "I can't lie" was clearly beluga shit because she lied to my purchaser. It also was a huge paradox because here she was asking me to take a test for her. But she didn't mean any of that, she meant "I can't lie and deny my faith on an Earth Science quiz because I believe that the earth was created in literally seven days and is only about 6000 years old and humans lived at the same time as dinosaurs." She needed someone who knew and understood what the Cretaceous period was to pass a test keep her from failing. And just like that I had my plan on a silver platter. Sure I could tank the test and she would have to repeat the class and that would be inconvenient, or I could be a real son of a b*tch. I opted for the latter. I told her that I would take that test, and any other for 20 bucks. Earth Science 101, Spanish 101, Intro to Psychology (a therapist that couldn't even pass a intro level psyche class, god help us all). Quizzes, tests, I ended up making $200 by the end of the semester. Then she comes to me with the request I've been waiting for. "Hey Dick, I need to write a research paper, do you know how to do that?" $50 later and I have the assignment in front of me. It's laughable, 5 pages, double spaced, doesn't even need to be AMA. An eight grader could pound it out in an hour or two, but lazy stupid b*tches will be lazy stupid b*tches. Now around this time I had gotten an offer from a much larger company downtown and was going to put in my two weeks once Ray got back from one of his many vacations. I had an opportunity to ruin her life and an exit strategy. I set to work. I l literally googled "research paper for [class name]" and grab the first one that popped up. I change nothing but the name and the date. I put in my two weeks, and the week before I leave I give Ingrid "her" paper. She doesn't even proofread it. She just turns it in and goes along her merry way. What happened next I heard second hand from Sarah after I left. The professor immediately knew it was plagiarized and got the dean involved. Ingrid was so stupid that she even tried to use the truth as an excuse. "I didn't plagiarize that paper, the guy I had been paying to do all my course work did it!" She was expelled from the institution for academic dishonesty and plagiarism, barred from any of the satellite schools or affiliate programs, and refused a refund on her tuition. Her dream of becoming a therapist shattered into dust as all of the nearby community colleges were part of the affiliate program. She was financially ruined left with no savings and a semester of student loan debt. On my last day I made sure to poke my head into her office to say "thank you, Ingrid, for everything I learned from you while working here. I hope you learned something from me as well."

TL;DR psycho snatch-basket co-worker tries to get me fired and ruins a business venture, I get her to pay me to have her expelled and crush her dreams.

(source) (story by Dickshitley)

[nierly-amazing]

no offense and idk if you want to talk about this subject (and if not feel free to ignore) but the way 9S treated 2B and A2 was garbo, he was a cool character in the start of the game but eventually becoming a raving lunatic who betrayed his core values kinda works against him

Ok this ended up being a lot longer than I thought and I hope this doesn’t come off as aggressive or anything but I love 9S and his character and I wanted to tangent and dump my feelings about all my android children because aagh.

Spoilers for literally everything. A-E and all of the supplementary materials:

I mean, considering all that’s happened to him it’s completely understandable. He was created as an extremely emotional person and thrust into a war he didn’t sign up for and forbidden to show those emotions. He was partnered with someone who [seemingly] is emotionless and cold who he cares deeply about but doesn’t know why. 

He was still kind and respectful to her from what I remember. Like, he was a sassy little shit when she ordered him around but I would be too in that situation. 

He wasn’t pushy with her about the Nines thing, only asking her twice, probably weeks apart. He was always looking out for her health, trying to get her to rest up when she was pushing herself too hard. But whenever she said no, he didn’t push it. He might have complained a bit but dropped it afterwards.

And as for A2. I don’t blame him at all for the way he acted towards her. The only thing he saw was her killing the most important person right in front of him, and making no move whatsoever to try to explain things to him. She had multiple chances to safely let him know that 2B was infected and wanted her to kill her but took none of them. 

But instead, the first time she said anything to him regarding was when he was waay off the deep end drowning in pain and sorrow about everything that was happening, right after killing his mom(ish). “2B told me, she wanted you to become a good person.” And then nothing, no “oh yeah she was also infected and asked me to kill her btw.” I’m not sure what she was expecting or trying to get out of that.

Don’t get me wrong. I love A2 and she’s a great character and has gone through a TON of shit herself with both 2B and 9S trying to kill her in the past multiple times (even though they don’t remember) and 9S was a huge ass to her in concert script 2. So it’s almost understandable that she didn’t tell him because she didn’t owe either of them shit and the only reason she did was 2B asked was because she felt compelled to. 

But then again she did care about 9S on some level since her memories did mix with 2B’s when she took her sword, which was apparent when she gently stroked 9S’s face and said “I’ll take care of this” and sacrificed herself to save him at the end of route C.

Maybe she felt he wouldn’t have believed her if she tried (which he might not have) so she didn’t think it was worth her time?

So yeah, in the end I have no idea really why she didn’t at least try to contact him early on and I’m not sure if there’s a reason or the writers just fucked up there or something.

But anyway, there were three main things he needed to chill out on still (well there might be more but I’m too tired to think of more rn).

1) His racism towards machines and denying the evidence that some of them do feel pain and have emotions. Although that’s also somewhat understandable as well, since they’ve been fighting these machines for 6000 years and only recently did a small handful of them actually gain emotions. It’s easy to think that it’s fake and they’re just trying to fuck with you to get the upper hand.

And hell, even tough some of them did have emotions, they still attacked and killed androids. So it would be kind of unreasonable to expect 9S and the others to be like “welp they can feel pain now lets just let them run rampant and keep killing other androids”

But even so, Anemone and it seems like the rest of the Resistance learned to coexist with Pascal’s village so 9S (and 2B too, she wasn’t far behind him) probably could have acted better towards the peaceful ones. (Especially Pascal, he was definitely a dick to my precious trans robot and I want to smack him upside the head for that). They both did start warming up to them and helping out over the course of A/B. But then that went down the drain with 9S after he started on his downward spiral. 

So yeah, 9S’s hatred towards machines and denial of their new emotions was something he def needed to work on, but was also mostly understandable.

2) His possessiveness towards 2B. It wasn’t really clear in the game, but in the new novel:

I’ll kill anyone who hurts 2B. I’ll kill anyone who touches 2B. I’ll kill anyone who gets close to 2B. I’ll kill anyone who looks at 2B. Because the only one who’s allowed to look at 2B is me. The only one who’s allowed to get close to 2B is me. The only one who’s allowed to touch 2B is me. The only one who’s allowed to hurt 2B is me. The only one allowed to…

9S pls. 

Although it’s not clear to me when he started acting like this since only bits of the novel is translated and it wasn’t really hinted at in game until mid to late route C when his aggression was turned towards the 2B clones and the one in his hacking space during the soul box. It’s not like he was acting jealous at all whenever 2B interacted with anyone else, especially since it was kinda clear that 6O had a crush on her.  Ok so after getting more information it seems he wasn’t violently possessive like that until after she died.

Either way that is defo not healthy way to think in any sort of relationship and I hope he will be able to work through that with her after they’re revived.

3) His denial of the fact that 2B was infected. Although this one is more speculative because we don’t know for sure, but it seemed like he knew, at least on some level, that 2B was infected. He’s super smart and good at piecing things together so even if A2 didn’t straight up tell him, he could have been able to figure it out on his own.

Like with 2B’s flight unit message. That is not something someone who plans on seeing you soon would say. That was clearly a goodbye message because she knew she was going to die even before she crashed.

So yeah, it’s likely he knew but denied it and used A2 as a scapegoat for his anger. He might not have even believed her if she did tell him.

9S was by no means a perfect person, but he was realistic and reacted how so many people would if they were shoved in a horrible situation like him. Which is why I love his character so much.