#but what if. the performance of authenticity were all there were. there's nothing behind it. ONLY the performance

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

this essay is going to be absolutely genius if I'm not talking rubbish

[throwaway-yandere]

𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 [Yandere!Dottore/Reader]

a/n: this fic is 100% dedicated to @leftdestiny-posts and they would know just how much they had inspired me in this fic once they finished reading it HAHAHAHAH. P.S.: the classical songs mentioned are actual songs. Yes, the title is half a joke. Here's the spotify playlist if you're curious.

Unreliable Synopsis: You cannot remember your past, but your doctor has been with you every step of the way— and he's more than willing to spend some time with you outside the hospital. Still... did you always have pure white hair?

CW: yandere themes, light body horror, manipulation, its dottore, c'mon LOL.

Concert II "Tristezza Di Fine Anno", performed by the Morespoke Philharmonic with their conductor, Lady Columbina, began nearly an hour ago. And you had the fortune of hearing their songs for yourself.

The well-dressed crowd filled the seats, behaving in what was appropriate for their high station. It was fully booked. The music overwhelmingly masked anyone's breaths, if they had one to start with. Her program can be felt deep in the audience's bones. Rattling them in each sforzando before it lulls down through the sound of her handpicked musicians— with Lady Columbina as the lonesome soloist when the moment calls for it.

"This piece, Symphony No. 5 in C-Sharp Minor, is not Columbina's own making, she had failed to mention that," your company hummed. "This was by another composer who hid behind the name Safed. They were a self-fulling prophecy. Do you wish to know what they said about this piece?"

You said nothing as Zandik— Lord Dottore— stroked your unnaturally "white" hair.

"They said that nobody understood the piece and that they wish they could conduct the first performance five centuries after their death."

Zandik smiled.

"What say you? Do you think those words are true?"

Your company was a tall and thin man with artificially pale-ish skin and wavy blue hair. His eyes were reportedly bloodshot crimson, although you had not received proof of that in this lifetime. But, you were drawn to his deep ocean-like colors, and that was enough to keep you mildly complacent to his strange remarks.

Zandik is surprisingly a considerate man, but he must've brought you with him for a reason. He told you himself that the reason he brought you out of your prison-like hospital room was a mere experiment on his behalf. Paradigm-shifting consequences of his strange social experiments with you are likely to occur, and he cares not for its ethical debates. He won't ask for rhetorics; these to him are tangible outcomes and no questions will be entertained.

All except his.

"I think… "

The composition had a serene, slightly asymmetrical feel to it. You were certain this was Lady Columbina's creative liberties at play. Something about it did not capture its true authenticities. The show purported to narrate three stories: the first concerned a judge who had to find a loved one guilty; the second concerned a prince who drove their beloved into despair; and the final was a tale of a knight who disregarded his obligation to defend a loved one.

But it felt incomplete. As if there was a missing piece— a secret fourth act hiding between the notes and stage.

"A person can't completely mourn for something they would never experience," you told him. "But even so, if I were Safed, I'd feel like my effort would've been a waste."

His eyes remained trained on your hair as you spoke. Zandik seems to dislike it. Unlike his cells mixed with engineered nanomaterials, yours are uniquely… "natural". His hair has a color intensity, whereas yours was the presence of every color— as physics explained it.

"Something they would never experience…" Zandik repeated, tasting the words on his tongue— a smirk etched on his face as though it tasted like bitter irony.

You continued.

"I have a hunch that Safed put everything they worked hard on all their pieces because Lady Columbina wouldn't have performed it otherwise. Since all the songs on the concert's program are marketed as underappreciated compositions, I would… um… infer that they also questioned their works and ultimately themselves if it all had worth in the end. Hopeless for the lack of attention, they probably thought there's more hope if they lived in another generation."

You wanted to say, though you're not sure where this negativity came from, that they probably despised how their well-crafted works were ignored and their sloppy yet significantly more popular compositions angered them.

But you're not Safed. You don't want to put words in their mouth.

".... Hmm, an acceptable hypothesis— a decent one, even," whatever monotonous response Zandik wished to convey, his voice betrayed his grand satisfaction. "Yet I won't give you any confirmation."

"I know."

Zandik laughed.

"The next piece is Norn's Adagio for Strings Op. 11, before the closing Symphony No. 6, better known as Pathétique Symphony, in B Minor Op. 74."

You tilted your head innocently. "Pathetic?"

"Another piece by Safed. It's a Fontaine-translated title. It's originally named pateticheskaya, which meant passionate or emotional, not at all pitiable."

He crossed his arms, insulted as though he was the one who came up with the original title.

"Roughly half a millennium past, the masses attributed Safed's demise to the strains of their final composition, the so-called Pathétique, a mere nine days preceding their exit from this mortal coil. The prevailing narrative spouts a tale of a tragic surrender to the clutches of undiagnosed clinical depression. I find such simplicity in analysis rather pedestrian, wouldn't you agree?"

You took a while to process his inquiry before hesitantly nodding.

"I… I think so."

Zandik smiled.

It's hard to tell if it's genuine, especially when such a protruding mask hides his eyes. Should its existence vanish, you aren't certain you'd see a soul within his pupils either.

"Safed hated this piece, believing it should be cast aside and forgotten. They were living in the woodlands when they wrote it— and when they decided to live with their benefactor, it was suddenly difficult to tear them away from their work."

You nodded to cue that you were still listening.

"They have an incredibly deep connection with their works. One might say they see in tunes rather than color."

You nodded again.

"Your inclination towards a perpetual affirmation of propositions, presumably to veil any potential lacunae in your cognitive purview, does not escape me. It is, if I may be so bold, your agreement that conceals your specter of unfamiliarity, right?"

You rarely understand a word he says when he is in this passionate state. You just nod as if you knew.

"Adorable," Zandik chuckled.

His voice was chillingly low yet… comforting. 

"Your sincerity constitutes an enchanting facet of your comportment."

He had to be teasing you.

"Although…" Zandik grabbed a few locks of your hair as though it was slimy and unpleasant— quickly retracting them with a disapproving tilt. "You could stand to utilize more (h/c) hair dyes. How is it conceivable that it has returned to white yet again?"

You opened your mouth but Zandik raised a finger.

"No. I am the scholar here. Do not answer."

You giggled. "Understood, Doctor."

He grinned, inadvertently showing off his pointed canines.

"What a good test subject you are, my dear (Y/n)."

Whether good was a subjective or objective assessment or not was up to interpretation.

The mid-concert intermission began, allowing Lady Columbina's pressured musicians a 20-minute sigh of relief. Zandik ushered you to the back where the Lady Harbinger reposed on a white sofa, her cheek brushing a visibly soft and cloud-like pillow. The bright backstage lighting made her seem ethereal.

She looked like heaven, but Zandik would argue that "(Y/n)" is the true epitome of the word.

"Greetings. As expected, you'd initiate conversation at the earliest convenience." She cooed. "You look younger today, Doctor."

"You know very well that I do not take that as a compliment, Columbina." Zandik scoffed. "How many times will we rehearse this canned script until it is a learned lesson?"

"Perhaps it shall end on the day you refrain yourself from recreating… perspectives."

"Since my encounter with the Dendro Archon, I have not revisited that notion."

Columbina's gentle smile dropped coldly. "You know that your segments are not what I am referring to."

You looked back and forth between the two. Each of them was a distinctively unique person and it's a challenge to take your eyes away from the other.

Hence, when you felt Lady Columbina's eyes on you, you shook and straightened yourself before bowing stiffly.

"G-Greetings, Lady Columbina!!!"

Her gentle smile resurfaced.

"Greetings to you as well, dear Safed."

You blinked.

Dottore clicked his tongue, and Columbina laughed softly.

"Apologies, I meant to say (Y/n)— that is the name you go by in this era of humanity, right?"

You'd rightfully claim that between the three of you, you were the most human. Zandik has his clones, Columbina's origins are of strict secrecy, and you are a mere amnesiac patient. But the way she addressed you was sounding awful like stripping you away with that sense of humane identity.

"Yes? I guess?"

Columbina delightedly buzzed in your reply. "(Y/n)— truly a lovely name. That must mean that you're very healthy! It warms my heart to hear that name again. The other ones had terribly dull names, but if the Doctor had given you this title, then it must mean his research is finally drawing to a close."

Her remarks made little sense. You know little about yourself and trust only the Doctor's judgment. Should you trust her words, then it must mean (Y/n) isn't your real name…

But… that doesn't seem right either. 

"Not quite, the name deserves no celebration," Dottore replied happily. "I merely ran out of translations. Bianco, Wit, Bái— what else is there? Ancient Natlan?"

"Scientists truly make for terrible poets— Why not try Inazuman?" Columbina offered.

Those words must have had a heavy weight to them because Zandik pondered for much longer than expected.

"Hmm. I'll keep that in mind," Zandik muttered. "Although it is preferable it does not have to reach that point."

"May I ask why did you bring them here?" Columbina asked.

"It's a bit of an unconventional experiment, but I've been exploring how to elicit positive associations with certain stimuli. Exposing them to music as I accompany them should cause them to associate the emotional response it elicits with being around me." Dottore hummed. "It would be asinine to put them in a chaotic yet controlled environment such as a theme park. While a racing heart may be effective, I shouldn't risk a (Y/n)'s well-being by subjecting them to roller coasters."

"Are you sure you're not the scared one?" You asked cheekily. Zandik rolled his eyes.

She shook her head.

"What a roundabout way of saying you're taking them out on a concert date…"

Columbina looked at you once more.

"Oh, but (Y/n), you appear unwell, my dear…" she pointed at stage left. "Why don't you fix yourself up in the nearest restroom?"

Dottore raised an eyebrow, which made you want to decline Columbina.

"I'm r-really okay, Lady Colum—"

"I insist."

Columbina smiled wider. Her laced mask cast a gloomy shade on her visage.

You had no other choice.

"O… Okay."

The halls that led to the restroom were mostly empty. Perhaps it was due to Lady Columbina's performance that made them patiently await the next song.

But there was one young man you encountered along the way. He had blonde half-way braided hair and purple-ish eyes. You paid him no mind as he circled a small rectangular paper, likely the concert's ticket, between his fingers. However, within a second, that paper vanished.

You stopped in your tracks and looked at him curiously, wondering if your eyes played tricks. He laughed, noting your attention.

"Ah! Sorry," he cheerfully gestured a small wave. "Didn't mean to practice in public."

The blonde man approached you with a smile.

"You're #9805, right?"

Immediately, you both got on the wrong foot.

Your nose scrunched, "I prefer (Y/n)."

The man flinched. "Oh, yikes! I'm not making the best first impression— nice to meet you (Y/n)! I have something for you."

You thought he was handing you his concert ticket for a moment but when you took a good look, it was a grayscale brochure.

And a white tulip…

"Um…"

"Needless to say, I'm something of a—"

"Trickster?"

"Magician, but an astute guess nonetheless!" He laughed sheepishly. "I was waiting for you, I thought you wouldn't go to the restroom."

So, did Lady Columbina plan this?

You caressed the binding and skimmed through the pages. "What's this for?"

"Father said you might be interested in its contents," the young man said. "That's all."

You blinked.

"... Are you saying you missed out most of the concert just to hand me this?"

He laughed awkwardly again. "My dear sister says I have a habit of missing a hint of romanticism when it counts, so I guess today's just one of those moments."

"Did you not like the music?" You scoffed, temper rising.

"Did you hate the composition? Did you not understand the e-emotion behind the chords? Don't you understand just how d-disrespectful that was?!"

"Woah, woah, I didn't say any of that." His eyes widened.

He didn't expect your voice to crack.

"I'm so sorry if you're offended— are you one of the original composers?"

…

You took a deep breath.

… Why were you mad?

… Why did it feel like those songs mean more to you than meets the eye?

"Sorry, I just…" You shook your head. "I guess I'm not feeling well. Oh, no, I'm so SO sorry…"

An unknown part of you thrived to hear him praise the music. That same part pitied the composer who worked day and night to perfect their piece. It's an ugly voice, but it was sincere.

… What was wrong with you? Why did you suddenly lash out? What was going on?

"Oh, well there's no need to be sorry then." The blonde man took his hat off and bowed.

"Farewell, Mx. (Y/n)!" He grinned. "The greatest magician in all Teyvat will take his leave. Thank you for your time!"

With the sway of his dark cape, he disappeared.

You entered the restroom to wash your face. It didn't do much to soothe your nerves. The lingering dread for your strange emotional mood swing remained.

To distract yourself, you read through the article.

The Enigmatic Legacy of Composer Safed

In the annals of musical history, few figures emerge as enigmatic and hauntingly captivating as the orchestral composer, Safed. Born five centuries ago amidst the ancient woodlands of Sumeru, this ethereal musician seemingly materialized from Vanarama with no familial relations.

Huh… So it's about the one who wrote the previous compositions earlier.

No wonder that blonde man asked if you were one of the composers. He was being a smartass.

A Fiery Finale: The Pathétique Symphony

Legend has it that in their final act of emotional expression, Safed penned the "Pathétique Symphony," a composition so emotionally charged that, overwhelmed with disdain for their creation, they purportedly set ablaze their woodland home. Seeking solace and escape, Safed accepted the benevolent offer of a city-dwelling benefactor.

…

…

Safed… burned down their house?

No…

No, that's not how you remembered that.

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

That's not what happened. "Safed" didn't burn their house down.

Suddenly, you stilled. Your thoughts ran wild, but your inner rationale tried to force them to a halt. This peak in anxiety did not make sense.

… Why would an amnesiac like you know what happened?

A Swansong: Il Dottore's Beneficence

Their benefactor, now celebrated as our Lord Harbinger, Il Dottore, welcomed Safed into the city's heart. It was here that the truth unfolded: Safed had been grappling with hearing loss for years, an affliction that fueled their artistic brilliance yet cloaked them in a muffled world. They were unaware of their disability, yet thrived in their field.

…

…

Wait…

Before you began to read the final paragraph in Safed's brochure, you hurriedly went back to Dottore and the composer's vintage photographed portraits.

After seeing their face, you dropped the brochure in the restroom's sink.

You saw their face.

You saw YOUR face and Zandik's.

But not quite. That was you, but at the same time, it wasn't. Zandik looked stiff in those photos with "you", likely a product of the time since Kamera photography was used only in rare formalities that required a bit of dress up. But the "you" you saw was sickly way beyond the formal costumes. They had (e/c) eyes and (h/c) hair, but yours were all white. 

White…

Safed… That's the Sumeru translation for white, isn't it?

Bianco, Wit, Bái— they're all translations for "white", aren't they? And if Dottore and Columbina's earlier conversations were to go by, the one after you would be named Shiro.

…

The one… after you?

"Tut tut."

You trembled at the familiar sound.

You slowly turned your head around and there he was, leaning against the restroom door.

"You were in the restroom for too long. It appears my suspicions were not unfounded."

Without waiting for a response, he approached with large strides. His gloved hands seized your stressed shoulders. The grip tightened harshly as he forced you to meet his intense gaze. Blood trailed from the corner of your mouth, and your anxiety heightened. He angrily bared his sharp teeth as he watched it stain his gloves.

And yet Zandik looks…

Sad.

And distressed.

He pressed his earpiece.

"Test Subject #9805 exhibits troubling symptoms. Hematemesis suggests a severe physiological response. Persistent manifestations of albinism in ocular and follicular pigmentation indicate underlying deformities. Immediate isolation is warranted for the researcher and subject's well-being."

His hand was cold. Skin imbued with silver nanomaterials after several operations, reminiscent of the age-old philosophical question: "Is it still the same ship if you gradually replace all of its parts?" 

Then Zandik did something unexpected.

He dropped his hold and you prepared yourself by shutting your eyes as he swung his arm.

To hug you.

"I'm sorry, I have failed you again, (Y/n)," Zandik muttered. "I should not have raised my expectations."

"W… What? Why are you putting me in isolation?" You asked, rattled. "What have I done?! I just— I didn't do anything wrong! What did I—"

He shifted, dragging your arm to hug him back as though you were a little girl's doll. Zandik rested his head on your shoulder, shaking slightly.

"In your innocence, no fault lies. I thought I had accomplished what I had set out to do, and met unfulfilled expectations" Zandik gritted his teeth, voice somber. "Despite centuries of refinement, it appears that I still have room for improvement in perfecting the process… I was right. This deserves no celebration."

The doctor laughed sadly.

"When will I ever be proven wrong?" He asked himself as he wiped the blood off the corner of your lips.

He pulled away, pecking your forehead.

"I'm sorry."

Those were not the words you expected from his mouth, and yet you heard it more than once. I'm sorry. It does not fit his character, nor does the tender yet cold hug he had given prior.

You're scared. You're terrified. You know what was bound to come. You know what awaits you. White walls. Silence. Separation.

Solitary.

Far from a choice. Far from negotiable.

There's no amnesty.

And yet, the words flowed from you naturally.

"... I forgive you."

You have no idea why you said what you said. There's no certainty that you believed your own words. Zandik's lip twitched downward.

"You should not," Zandik croaked. "Why? Why must you always forgive and accept my selfishness? Do you derive satisfaction in seeing me in this state?!"

You opened your mouth to answer but were stopped abruptly as he grabbed your hair.

Zandik had always favored you compared to other patients. You know this very well. He's an evil man and the list of actions he had done that had harmed you in the name of science is at least two pages long upon your awakening. Yet, you were sure he liked you enough for he told you of his new exciting experiments. He scolded you when you left his research institute for fresh air. And he would hold your hand whenever you dreaded those thick injections.

You just didn't know he had it in him to fold from his intimidating facade just to kiss you like a desperate man. 

Breathless under his control, he softly pressed his lips against yours. His lips were chapped and cold, and he took you in gently as though he'd break you. Zandik, as strange as it was, still seemed to prioritize your comfort over his needs. Normally, this tension would've made him so short-tempered. But this will be your last interaction. The doctor tasted your blood in his mouth, and he was nauseous at the thought of hurting you more. But he stopped. Even though he wishes to force all his pent-up desires onto you. Even though he wanted to love you thoroughly that you'd forget your name again.

Zandik whimpered quietly as he pulled away— sounding like a dog that would not sleep that night. What was left in between was a thin disappearing line of saliva and blood that quickly broke off.

The doctor should be happy he finally got to have a proper date with you after 9805 failed attempts. 

But he's not content.

He was about to lean in for the second time but stopped himself. Selfish. To think he nearly saw you two finally walking down the aisle. Why was he always so selfish when it came to you? But those rhetorics mattered not in your head.

You were silenced. You were held.

You were loved.

"No." Zandik breathed in, laughing humorlessly. "No— I am the scholar here. Don't answer."

And you will be disposed of.

"Take them away." He spoke to his men calmly. They had entered long enough to witness what he had done. The men did not hesitate to grab you, thinking Dottore thought you no more than a mere toy.

But calm was deceptive. It does not convey the distress that chokes him.

Maybe…

Maybe in the 9806's trial… he'll have you as he always wanted.

The Fatuus that escorted you in was gentle. A silent guide. The expression on her face was clear that she wanted to extend her apologies as well but mustn't.

You already have a white tulip in hand.

Arlecchino already sended her regards in advance.

When she opened the door by tapping a card against the lock, she bowed her head. You let yourself enter without a fight. The room was pure white with the rest of the furniture matching the drapes. But Dottore didn't just provide the necessities. There were books, sketch pads, and other recreational materials.

As you were about to approach the center, something was off on both sides.

You looked to your left.

Two clear mirrors divided your room from the others. There's a sign on the left wall. Code #4135.

You stood, shocked, grieving at the sight of your predecessor. They were a mirror of you but with a different name— and an even worse state.

One had made a slight sound coming off their skin— rotting slightly. There's a tube connected to their mouth and you could see yourself— you could see them dripping. They had your face. Their hair and eyes were white. The nose was gone, leaving a gaping hole. Their neck was cricked back at an unnatural angle. You don't know if they're still breathing. They're still bleeding. They must've bitten off their tongue.

There's a lone white blanket that covers the rest of them.

You think they might be dead.

You think "you" might've died more than once.

THUD!

You jolted at the sound coming from the wall behind you. Upon seeing their body, you froze.

Code #032.

They were but a head. You wish you could only focus on that aspect, but you looked lower and your hair raised. They cannot feel the same, for they were almost only a spine left. The rest of them were their skeletal frame, guided by thin lines one can barely call flesh.

Their head banged against the mirror. The thought that the sound was what made you flinch earlier made you unwell.

They seem to be telling you something. Their breath fogged up the glass and their thinned white hair splayed across your view. Their mouth said something urgently you couldn't comprehend because their tongue was paper-like in size.

#032 was shaking. Their pain grew vivid in every movement that the room was starting to spin. You sensed their turmoil.

They looked like death.

You all looked like death itself, both the pretty and ugly ends of it.

"Don't." You whispered, begging as you knelt to their level. "You don't have to speak."

You laughed deprecatingly.

"We're not the scholar here. He is."

In every syllable, you saw the outline of their esophagus strain. The nerves were blueish purple. The little skin they have left on their cheeks is sunken. Their lips were gnawed, likely as a response to the pain they'd gone through previously. Fists of bone tapped against the glass, and you quivered, imagining their pain.

You were not afraid of them. You only mourned their anguish. In fact, you feel at ease to be in the presence of yourself from the past.

It reminded you of what "Safed" had allegedly spoken years ago.

Nobody understood the pieces you made and you wished you could conduct the first performance five centuries after your first death.

And now, here you are.

Seeing two "people" who do understand you.

And they share your face.

"Pathetically", the only one that can understand you is yourself.

You're all flies trapped in a web that the predator refuses to wrap and consume out of pity. Compared to the others, you looked fine.

But your lungs were blistering.

Despite their deathly ill and mutilated bodies, you were the one bound to die soon enough.

His experiments worked.

You love him.

You love Zandik.

And how tragic it was that the person who learned how to love him was doomed to perish.

In your last minutes, you recalled something vital:

As an outsider, your body was not meant for this world, but after encountering the woodland creatures and Zandik, it became tremendously difficult to part ways with it.

You coughed up yet again with a gentle smile on your face. Maybe you're not dying…

Maybe you're just returning home, for every atom in your multiple bodies was once part of the galaxy.

You are (Y/n) (L/n).

And you were not from Teyvat.

Much like the rest of the descenders, you have a quirk about you that sets you apart from the norm. For the travelers the world reveres today, it was their distinct determination and questionable age that was remarkable. Yours slightly titters to an inhuman level.

You can "clone" yourself.

Zandik and the "original" you wouldn't phrase it in that manner, but it's the easiest way to describe your talents.

"So, it is cloning." Zandik paused. "Mind letting me in on the science behind the process?"

He was an ordinary student when you both met. Far from a doctor, but at least he was a registered scholar in the Akademiya. Zandik didn't have an eloquent tongue as he does in the present, yet his curiosity burned all the same.

Which is why, back then, you thought his questions were cute.

Not dangerous.

"It's not that I can make copies of myself without consequences," you humored with a grin. "I'm just making… fragments of myself. Segments, if you prefer to call it that. It's a common ability for the people back in my world. None of us do it excessively— especially since we're kind of an invasive species." 

Zandik raised an eyebrow, "is that a commendable trait?"

"My kind says so. Whether good is a subjective or objective assessment or not is up to interpretation." You answered noncommittedly. "I don't think that's right. Our soul splits apart until we're just… empty. We lose some memories in the process."

"But functioning?"

"In a sense, yeah, but we lose a part of ourselves like memories and well, hair color, I guess." You nodded. "Why are you so curious?"

"Since you have rejected my confession, I want to try my hand at seducing a copy of yours instead," Zandik said. You couldn't tell whether he was joking with his naturally piercing red eyes. "Until then, you are not allowed to asexually reproduce without my authorization. Understood?"

You laughed. Unaware of his arsonist crimes, you willingly indulged his words.

"I owe you my ears, so it's only right that I'll listen to your commands, Zandik."

"Good." Zandik grinned, shark-like.

"What a good test subject you are, (Y/n)."

Centuries later, that closing sentence will continue to remain true.

Since then, his life has changed. Multiplied, even. Upon studying your genetic makeup, he found ways to duplicate himself as well. Despite his feats in science, Zandik remained unhappy.

Deep down, all the Harbingers pity the Doctor who cannot save his most loved one. That includes both Columbina and Arlecchino.

No one protests even when harmful orders are given; everything appears fine until the symptoms are felt. Because the organism— the astral descender— has no nerves or voice, he continues to assume that the patient is not in pain.

The patient needs peace but because they are not to speak, they remain silent, and the need persists.

The patient wants to eat and breathe fresh air, but because such desires might hurt the feelings of the doctor who thinks he has done everything needed, the patient remains quiet, contemplating desires out of fear of reprimand.

The original (Y/n) (L/n) suffers in silence. In a white room only accessible by a man who continues to nurse his unrequited love: Zandik.

No one else can enter this room.

He won't allow it. Only he can be obsessed with you.

The thought of you haunts him like a smiling reflection upon window panes— like a gift of a Trojan horse with nothing but your echoing laughter and hospital monitor beeps inside. Your thin limbs were marching clock hands with rusted gears that miraculously function till the end of time.

What is immortality for if every day was a death loop?

It is such a lonely concept…

You ought to be thankful that he's willing to be your eternal company.

"I endeavored to elicit a reciprocation of my sentiments from the latest subject. Regrettably, their discovery of my antecedent experiments transpired prematurely. Nevertheless, as asserted several times, it remains but a temporal inevitability until an iteration of yourself succumbs to having an interest towards me." Dottore hummed.

He held your feet.

He held Test Subject #01's feet.

If you spoke up, he would've bragged about how he was right. How people do love your songs. But no one knows if you can't or won't answer him. This one-sided conversation is the punishment for his hubris.

He took out a sharp knife and cut off one of your toes. You no longer feel any pain as you bleed into his hands. What a kind man the doctor is, for he blocked all your pain receptors years ago. It's a good thing you regenerate quickly.

That's what he loved and hated about you.

You only gave and gave.

But you never ran out of soul. You never ran your heart fully dry— and that left you ill. Zandik could never let you go.

You're already a part of him.

Hence, he must not make clones of exaggerated memories. He wanted your perfect yet healthy replica.

Praise be the white corpuscles extracted from your veins which had brought him new life. You were the reason for his research. You were the breath that gave his segments life. You were his muse, much like he was yours.

"Fear not, (Y/n)," he reassured with a measured tone. "Upon my mastery of the arts, I intend to reinstate your autonomy and awareness. Perhaps then, you shall find the organic inclination to reciprocate affection toward me by the 9806's trial. Until then…"

In other words, give him more time and he'll reinvent love.

He leaned his forehead against yours.

"I'm so, so sorry."

And ultimately, he'll reinvent YOU.

"Can I have another piece of your scalp?"

"No."

"Do you not understand the weight of this research or must I expound on it further in another three-hour presentation?"

"Alternatively, you could start by saying that you're sorry," you raised an eyebrow. "I'm still not over the fact you randomly cut a piece of my ear when I was asleep, doctor. You know, I heard from the aranaras that white tulips are given to someone when they ask for forgiveness."

Zandik smirked.

"Regrettably, it seems that such an occurrence is unlikely to transpire. Do not expect such words and gifts from me."

You smiled.

"We'll see, we'll see."

Taglist (pls notify if you wish to be on the taglist for the last two): @average-yandere-enjoyer @pix-stuff @sagekun @vennnnn-diagram @dilucragnidvr @tnsophiaonly @lsleepysimpl

[communistkenobi]

i know next to nothing about queer theory, but i did exist online during (what felt like) huge exclusionary periods (ace discourse, bi/pan discourse, and transmedicalism were the big ones i remember)

i wonder if the first drive for sexuality being something unchangeable and intrinsic to you had something to do with those things, that queerness was fixed and definable, which meant that there were strict lines to be drawn about who was and wasn't gay/lesbian/bi which was only made worse by trans and nonbinary people who didn't exactly fit the previous molds

ill be doubly honest and say i only interacted w/ the community online at the time bc living in a homophobic country doesnt give you a lot of opportunities to meet up in person which means my view of the whole thing is skewed. im not sure if this makes any sense

What I’m about to say isn’t a diagnosis of the causes behind those discourses (partly because i don’t think there is a single reason animating those arguments), but like I guess in general a very baseline authority people fall back on is biology. Dominant reactionary discourses describe being gay trans etc as a lifestyle choice, as an active decision to participate in sexual and gendered degeneracy, and so a very appealing counter-claim to make is to point to biology - we are born this way, we can’t help who we are just as cishet people cannot help who they are, so you should accept us because we can’t change our identity. That rhetorical strategy requires/assumes a stable sexual and gendered ontology, a primary authority of the body that can’t be altered. While I believe this argument is fundamentally flawed, I think this is a straightforwardly easy argument to make re: sexual orientation. With trans and non-binary people this is more difficult because the foundational claim to our existence is that gender is mutable, is alterable, is subject to change (and also “I’ve felt this way since I was a child” is a pathological model of gender dysphoria that is enforced through medical and psychiatric institutions, not a reflection of lived reality for many, many trans and non-binary people). That doesn’t necessarily mean being transgender is a “choice” (although if someone said they woke up one day and chose to be transgender then that is a perfectly authentic justification), especially because “choice” in these discussions is often framed as individualised, private, detached from the social world - we are all just free agents making rational autonomous decisions in a field of equally rational choices, etc. which I think is a very impoverished way to understand choice and agency. Gender is an institution, it is a set of behaviours and performances that we choose to engage in in many different ways, and my use of the word ‘choice’ there does not imply these choices are free from coercion, violence, or harm. I chose to transition, I chose to engage in performances and behaviours that signal to the social world that I am a man - where that desire to make those choices arises from is another matter, and honestly not one I’m super interested in figuring out. Like if I discovered the ‘origin’ of my transness it wouldn’t make any difference to me. Similarly, how I choose to signal masculinity is very obviously bound up in dominant gendered assumptions. Trans people get accused of upholding gendered norms a lot, but that’s only because we aren’t taken seriously unless we do so! It is a survival mechanism that allows us to better navigate incredible amounts of violence and social exclusion, and arguing that our desire to do gender with our bodies comes from some grade-school assumption that dress = woman and pants = man or whatever is pure projection on the part of cis people. cis men think if they drink pink wine they’ll become gay - trans people are not the ones enforcing these norms here.

Getting a bit far afield here, so to loop back around - I think a stable state of sexual and gendered subjectivity or “being” is very appealing to a lot of people because it’s a way to dismiss reactionary fears and to justify to yourself that your oppression is entirely out of your control (which is true obviously!). Again I think these arguments are flawed because they buy into cisgendered and heteronormative ideas about gender and sexuality, that it is a biological burden imposed on us, that deviance is not a choice, that gender is done to us as opposed to being gendered agents, that we are similarly trapped in a sexual prison and should be accepted on those grounds, etc, but they have massive rhetorical power.  

As I’ve said before I’m a pretty staunch believer in Butler’s assertion that it is social all the way down, that gender is not discoverable in the body but rather the body is the medium through which gender is done in the world. Cis people choose to do gender just as much as trans people do! The only difference is that institutional architecture is set up to facilitate and make invisible (in very misogynistic and racist ways) those gendered practices. I think the stronger counter argument to make is that cis- and het-normativities are deeply violent and miserable status quos that need to be dismantled and discarded, that true choice can only emerge vis a vis gender and sexuality once those institutions are abolished, and that choice is actually a desirable end-goal - I want people to be able to participate in gender and sexuality as free agents, as non-coercive practices that are sites of great joy and wonder and pleasure. And this world is only possible if we accept that there is no gendered or sexual ontology, that it is all smoke and mirrors, that this current system’s primary function is to reproduce the nuclear family, to maintain the hereditary nature of class and wealth and race, to provide a standardised system of labour division, to maintain a distinction between the public and private labour realms, and so on.

So again like, is this what animates discourses about who gets to be counted as lgbtq/queer/whichever label you want to use? I don’t know. Probably some of it has to do with that. Queerness is in party a pathological category that is used to describe a failure to meaningfully reproduce cishet norms and practices, it is a set of relationships you have to legal and political and medical and administrative institutions (which is especially true for trans/non binary people). I like this definition because built into it is the possibility of change - I do not want trans people to be assimilated into cishet society, I want society to become transgender, thereby making transgender an irrelevant medical and legal category of person. Much like communism aims to abolish class by universalising the proletariat, I want to abolish gender by universalising the legal and political and medical mechanisms of transition. Only then will cisgenderism be abolished.

One thing I have been thinking a lot about is something a friend said to me, which is that human rights to do not begin with a definition of human - in the same way, I think trans rights do not require a definition of transgenderism. Just universalise and de-pathologise the mechanisms through which transition is expressed. Make it easy to change your name, remove all barriers to hormones and surgery, make everyone economically secure enough that they can change their wardrobe however they please,  desegregate all gendered spaces, de-gender clothing, remove gender markers from all documents, and so on and so on. Doing so would make both cisgender and transgender an irrelevant legal and political category and, again, allow choice to emerge as a meaningful mechanism of gender expression. 

This isn’t a comprehensive policy platform, there are many things I’m sure I haven’t thought through and a large portion of this discussion has to contend with the colonial and white supremacist nature of the western binary gender (bringing us into discussions of decolonial efforts, socialist efforts, and so on), but this is already getting long and I feel like I’m rambling. But like fundamentally I believe in a radical political imaginary that argues that all of this is subject to change and therefore any arguments about an essential gendered or sexual being is, at the end of the day, a reactionary description of gender and sexuality 

[howdoesagrapewrites]

Poly pavitr and gayatri with a reader who loves their yandere antics bc I honestly would’ve stayed with them. Have you seen them omg

𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚

Cw: poly!gn!reader x Pavitr Prabhakar x Gayatri Singh, unhealthy attachment, slightly sadistic reader

Notes: my honest reaction if Ms Gayatri Singh and Pavitr freaking Prabhakar wanted to hold me captive

"You don't go near that door" Gayatri's voice was dark, rich, it tingled your ears like plum velour

You tilted your head with genuine intrigue, "Why wouldn't I?"

"Please" Pavitr whined as he came near you

"Will it hurt you if I leave?" You're fixated on Pavitr's eyes, warm chocolate brown now shadowed with desperation, need.

"Yes, you have no idea" he answers, reaching for your waist, you don't let him grab you, rather close the distance yourself and throw your arms around his shoulders, nuzzling in his neck, you break partially loose and beckon Gayatri to come to you, she follows, docile, nothing left of her previous attitude.

You're enveloped by their warmth, some might say it was suffocating, they were probably right.

"Then I won't, I won't hurt you, I won't leave." You're know what that phrase entails, what you've promised, to who you've promised yourself, but you're choosing to do it this way, to embrace them entirely, at their lowest, and their worst. You trusted them with your life, your heart, your mind, they will never forsaken you, they will never be uninterested, they will never get bored of you, as far as you're concerned, that's true love. The one the poets sing about and people fawn over, the kind of true love that makes humans scared, scared of the intensity of their feeling, afraid of love in its purest form, at its rawest.

This promise made them feel secure to unleash all of them, all the things they hid.

Pavitr would only ever leave to perform as spiderman, always coming back needy for affection, that you of course always provided. Pavitr needed to be close to you or Gayatri at all times, and you always indulged him, he held your hand while you ate lunch, cuddled you when you were busy on the computer, sat on the middle of the bathroom while you were showering, he no longer needed to hide his overwhelming hunger for you. You found it endearing, nothing was enough for him, no matter how much you gave to him, he would never find it "too much", he would never think of you as anything but a blessing, a gift.

Unlike other situations where you would resist, they were both lenient with your "out-passes", letting you have a semi-normal life, of course you could never go alone, but it wasn't because they didn't trust you, it was because they missed you. They distrust the world.

Gayatri got you both jewelry that she swears are not collars, they are. You know this, Pav knows too, but you're thrilled by it, a reminder of how she owns you, how you own each other, the delicate balance that can be thrown off by any of you, yet it's kept solely because of your devotion. You understand her feelings, and even though you don't need a collar or a leash to stay by her side, you'll wear anything if she asks in such a nice way, such a sweet way.

You spend your days hearing the word "love" left and right, but it has never been spoke with such authentic, sterling meaning behind it.

"Love". Love enough to fill you up, love enough to clean you up, love enough to drown this out, love enough to drown you out.

[teeth2go]

Keep Your Mask On - I can see through it

they/them!MC x Leander

Warnings: Rated T. Mild mind-games. Maybe fluffy??? It's Leander so it could be worse. Word Count: 3.5k Word Density: mc, leander, hand, down, eyes, waiting.

What if a shy and somewhat manipulative MC beat Leander at his own game? Everybody is a winner.

It had already been a few weeks since Leander first held MC's cursed hands in his own. It was actually the first time anyone held MC's hands without immediately try to kill them.

Despite the initial shock of the experience, MC was slowly growing accustomed it. At the end of most days, the two of them would sit and chat in one of the booths at the Wet Wick, hands linked for few precious minutes.

MC had gotten into the habit of waiting around for him if they returned home before he did. "Home" being the same room Leander had gifted them the key to. They found a couple of interesting things in the bedside drawers, confirming some of the public rumors of his private escapades. Aside from the ones he freely admitted to of his own volition.

So there they were, again, waiting for their personal playboy as dusk crept up on the dingy street. They had begun helping out the bartender with small tasks instead of simply taking up space whilst waiting. This awarded the bartender a much appreciated opportunity to step away and deal with other things that kept her business in working order. It never hurt to be on good terms with your landlord. Even if you do live in a dive-bar.

The bar itself, counter and stools, served as a barrier between them and the many strangers who passed through the front door each night. People almost always traveled in groups after nightfall, and those groups very quickly added up into sizeable crowds that MC found overwhelming.

Sometimes a curious single from said crowds would venture up to MC and try their luck, only to consistently be turned down. Aside from the obvious issue of their hands, the casual advancements only reminded them more and more of what they were really craving, and of who they were waiting for.

In spite of his frequent innuendos and constant flirting, Leander's perpetual bashfulness remained one of their favorite cracks in his mask. MC was a glutton for the butterflies it gave them.

The night was slow, or about as slow as it ever got around there. Currently there were no brawls, which was always a boon.

MC helped themself to sampling some of the more exclusive spirits and enjoyed the warm buzz it created. They listened to nothing in particular as they focused only on slowly drying off the freshly washed wine glasses. The drowning chatter of the greater room faded out to an incomprehensible white noise.

The bar maids were responsible for serving the customers, so MC was safe to hide behind the counter and look unapproachable, a convenience for collecting their thoughts.

They thought mostly about Leander and the obvious masks he wore every day. They used to wonder where the mask began and his authenticity ended. It didn't take long for MC to figure out that he was indeed a performance artist, and the performances were part of the package deal. Not unlike the bright markings on a venomous animal.

MC also wasn't oblivious to the suspicious second life he led with the Blood Hounds. He had several roles to fill, and in order to balance it all without revealing his full hand, he donned those masks to survive. A quote came to mind. Something about "Nothing personal, it's just business."

MC understood the mentality but they wanted be part of his personal motives, not just business. As sure as fondness was growing between them, MC would have been a complete fool to expect him to actually lower his guard for simply nothing in exchange. Crossing his boundaries by simply expecting special treatment was not an option. They were going to meet him halfway, but that couldn't happen if neither of them stepped forward.

The next inevitable step in their relationship was gnawing on MC's mind. The cause of their hesitations, the whole reason they were over-thinking where they stood with him. It was something he'd humorously offered several times, and they absolutely did want to take him up on it, but the right conversation needed to happen first.

They felt his presence before his fingertips made contact with their shoulder. It didn't startle them, but it did manage to shake them out of their thoughts.

"Hello, Eridia to (MC)? Anyone home?" Leander called out to them. He must have been trying to get their attention while they were ignoring the noise of the livening building.

He was completely leaned over the top of the bar, arms reached out across the distance, knees balanced on the bar stools. He looked ridiculous. Whatever Blood Hounds had come in with him were already dispersed to their tables and corners of interest, likely somewhat embarrassed by their leader's unprofessional display. MC wouldn't be surprised if Leander had made a beeline for the bar as soon as he spotted them. Again.

His appearance indicated that he had been dragged around the city all day, no doubt wrapped up in his odd jobs and strange connections. There was a very fine layer of dust on his clothes, dulling the shine of his leathers. He looked like he needed a stiff a drink. He began making his way around the bar to help himself.

"Sorry. I was spacing out." MC finally replied.

Leander paused for a moment, looking them up and down, then at the random assortment of mostly full bottles and used shot glasses still sitting out.

"You started without me?" He smirked but his eyes barely made any effort to meet his lips halfway. MC cleared their throat. It used to unnerve them, initially thinking it was an insincere expression at worst, or devastating fatigue at best, but they had spent enough time with him now to recognize a curse when they saw one.

Something about Leander's magic was probably killing him in a way that MC did not yet fully understand. Many signs had been pointing to this conclusion since the very first day they met him.

There was something inside of Leander that was slowly poisoning him, like a silent gas leak in an empty house. It was another reason he wore those metaphorical masks, to cover whatever was slowly rotting his soul away. As much as MC was morbidly curious, the answers to those specific questions could wait. It wasn't worth lighting a match over. Yet.

"Having fun?" He slid past them, using his hand to briefly maneuver their waist out of his way. The touch returned their attention to the moment.

"Mhm, just keeping busy," MC murmured. The glass they were holding was polished perfectly. They wobbled a little, crossing the short aisle and reached up on their toes to slide it into the correct shelf along the wall.

"You know, you don't have to do all of that." Leander said, side-eying their flawed coordination. He'd finished procuring his own drink and flashed his signature smile, instantly filling the closed space with warmth.

MC shuffled back to their spot, leaning heavily against the edge of the sink and selected the next wet glass to work on.

"You really helped yourself to the inventory this time, didn't you?" He chuckled but MC didn't miss the inflection in his tone. Something of a friendly warning.

"Only a few samples. With permission of course," they smiled back at him and waited for his reaction from under their eyelashes.

Instead, he sipped his drink slowly, gazing out at the commotions behind MC. They watched the dark liquid slip past his lips, disappearing into his perfect mouth. MC moved forward to put the next glass away, but was distracted by a stray droplet that was sliding down his chin. They nearly missed their step and began veering to the side.

Leander deftly hooked his arm forward and caught them, allowing MC to recenter their balance. He retracted his arm and bemusedly allowed them to continue on their way, wiping the droplet away with his knuckles.

They completed the task again, and then again. Each time they turned away from the wall of glasses and bottles, they caught Leander moving his eyes away from their direction. He was definitely watching when they stretched up to reach the shelves. MC raised him an inquisitive eyebrow, which earned them a friendly wink. They rolled their eyes, but that restless thought was growing louder.

"I think it's safe to assume you've been down here for a while." He gestured to their sampling. "Hopefully I didn't keep you waiting too long." MC felt their cheeks become a bit warmer and hoped that the blush blended inconspicuously with the one they already had from their buzz.

"Not at all. In fact, I really don't mind helping the bartender while I'm down here."

"Ah, that's very noble of you, but…" he leaned back against the counter directly across from MC, now partially blocking the cabinet. "You don't owe her anything, right?"

MC internally rolled their eyes. They knew exactly where that lecture was going. The Cost of Things in Eridia. Perhaps this was his way of reminding them of their own unspecified outstanding-balance.

That inevitable step forward was about to be taken, but MC wanted to be the first to move. There was something they wanted from him, but they need to ensure that is did not come with a price tag.

"Not exactly, but since we're on the topic, I have found myself indebted to a... friend." They smirked at down at the slow and methodical circles of the rag as they dried the last wine glass, circumventing his prepared lecture.

"Oh?" he sounded genuinely curious, eyes drawn to the gentle movements of their bandaged hands. He watched they way they delicately held the stem of the glass, turning it over in the light, looking for imperfections.

"Promise not to tell anyone but…" They approached the cabinet. He barely stepped aside for them to set it into place. "It's a guy. He's been so helpful and kind to me, but he hasn't asked for much in return," they spoke slowly, waiting for Leander's jealously to take the bait.

"So I've been thinking about how nothing in this life is free, you know? Eventually, I am going to have to pay him back. Even you tell me that nothing is free in Eridia." They pointed out.

Leander wasn't smiling anymore. He leaned forward to hear them better through the noise of the establishment. MC set their rag down and turned to face him, resting their hip against the counter, and regarded him as he became quite serious.

"…you haven't made some kind of deal with this guy yet, have you?" His brow creased ever so slightly. "If you need help, you know I'm here for you, right?" His free hand came to rest at their hip, anxiously ensuring that they remain facing him.

Whether he realized it or not, his possessive nature had recently developed into a obvious display of envy for their attention. Last week Vere had pointed this out to MC, inclusive of a short but obvious warning.

MC was very aware of Leander's jealousy. That was not the problem here. The problem was their own recently budding envy whenever he stepped out for a quick hook-up, leaving them behind.

Waiting for him.

Ais was seemingly the only regular who took notice fofthis more recent development. His advice was… well it less eloquent than Vere's, but he was right nonetheless. MC needed to do something about it already.

They took the first metaphorical step forward.

"Oh no, don't worry. It's not a situation that I can't handle," they reassured him. "But I'm not so naive as to think that he truly has no ulterior reason to share his resources or time with me." MC placed their hand over the one he still had on their hip, and smiled up at him before letting it go. "I also know that we both have our own sort of needs, so to speak. I'm very eager to tell him all of my thoughts on the matter."

His expression flinched and he cocked his head to the side, finally starting to catching on to who this "friend" might be.

"Oh?" the sound came out a lot lower than he probably meant it to. As if to compensate, his hand relaxed from their side, placing it on the counter beside them. He set his drink down and gave them his full attention, deciding to play along with their bashful elusion.

"What exactly is it that you want him to know?"

"Well, with friends, these kind of things are usually as simple as give and take. With strangers, though? Debts are just transactions waiting to be completed. He's not a stranger, and I don't want him to be," they punctuated that last sentence by playfully turning their head the opposite way of his. Challenging him. "So what I'm trying to figure out, is exactly how I can adequately return the favors, as a friend."

MC gazed up into Leander's calm face as they both took the moment to observe each other's body language. His eyes squinted, studying them, savoring the words, collecting his thoughts.

"…and you're going to pay him back...by running up a tab in his name?" A smirk finally broke free from beneath the mask, clearly amused.

MC laughed and waved their hand in the air to dispel the concern.

"I promise there's no tab, I really did get permission from the bartender-" Leander gingerly grabbed their wrapped up hand mid-air.

"Did you have something specific in mind for evening the odds with this friend?" He Interrupted their rambling. He'd been waiting for this very conversation about debts and repayments, and needed them to stay focused. What he didn't understand, though, was this new commentary on friendship, and why they were beating around the bush about it?

He intertwined his fingers with their own, hoping to ease some of their nervousness. Generally, he really did try to make an effort to not to scare them off. A hearty blush bloomed across MC's cheeks, much to Leander's pleasure.

"Well?" He gently urged. MC thought carefully about their next move, not wanting to waste their precious moment of leverage.

"Well. I guess it depends," MC drawled out, slowly reaching for the drink Leander had abandoned. It was right next to them on the counter, so they made sure to brush their arm against him as they reached for it, and then again as they brought the drink it in. They felt the toned muscles in his arm and torso stiffen at the contact. His icy eyes shot up to theirs, questioning the less-than-subtle touches.

"Depends… on what?" He cautioned.

MC brought his glass up to their face, but instead of taking a sip they parted their lips and just barely exposed their soft tongue to kiss at the condensation from the side of the glass he'd sipped from. They felt the moisture wet their lips as the missed dots slid down the glass, catching on their clothed fingers. It had hints of the same berry concoction he first served them weeks ago. They held his icy gaze as his unrestrained hand gripped the counter at the side of their waist, fingernails digging into the wood. His intertwined hand shook a little in their own.

They literally had him in the palms of their hands.

All the light bulbs suddenly went off over Leander's head, and he was not prepared for the sudden, blinding illumination. They had completely caught him off-guard for once. He almost resented the pride welling up in him. His eyes were wide, he held his breath and waited for their next move.

"I guess it depends on what I have to offer. If I'm being realistic, it will probably be some random errands around town." They shrugged, instantly changing their tone and posture to something far more casual, despite being boxed in very close to Leander's warm body. Their demeanor changed as though he wasn't even there. "Maybe delivering a few messages or something equally as boring. I most certainly wouldn't want to wager anything that I couldn't take back as simply transactional." They gave his nervous hand a firm squeeze.

MC watched as his face shifted from confusion, then to shock, and finally settled on disappointment. He looked down at the floor, hummed in admission, and begrudgingly let go of their hand.

"That is understandable," he acknowledged. "You friend would do right to respect you for that decision."

"Mhm, and I feel lucky because I know that he will." They smiled to him, and he returned it with a polite, but sad one.

Was MC always capable of being that cruel? Couldn't they have simply turned him down outright? Why even bother ruffling his feathers like that...?

"So, you want to run errands for him?" He tried to shove the disappointment and confusion down. He would just have to respect their wishes.

"Sure, I don't mind repaying his favors in that way. As long as he understands that the sex is strictly for fun."

Leander choked hard when his breath caught in his throat.

Pleased at his shocked reaction, MC closed their eyes and tasted the actual drink this time. It was indeed exactly the same kind he had once served them all those nights ago.

"Mm, there's nothing quite like the sweetness after the burn," they murmured, licking the residue from their teeth.

When they opened their eyes again, Leander was standing straight and rigid. He was stunned! The nerve of them!!

He wrenched the drink from their grasp and raised it up, tossing the entire thing back in one smooth movement. His slow, steady gulps were expertly practiced from years of living his reckless lifestyle.

MC silently prayed that he wasn't angry, and that they had played their cards just right, dealing him a satisfactory taste of his own lascivious medicine.

Leander sighed after reaching the bottom of the glass.

So that's their play, he thought to himself. He could work with this.

"Is that all?" He grinned like a fox as he set the empty container down, recovering from his surprise. Thank the gods he wasn't put off, but now MC worried for what his response was going be.

"So, you want to keep your work separate from your fun, as a friend?" He summarized.

"Only if he's interested." They felt bold enough to readjust their footing to square him up. His chest completely obscured their vision of the open room that lay out behind him. All they could see now was him, and they were grateful that his broad body obscured their own from potential onlookers at this angle.

On his face, he wore what was quite possibly the cockiest grin they had ever seen. MC couldn't help but shiver under the intensity of his piercing gaze. His eyes sparkled an incandescent green, the only indication that he was preparing himself for extended contact with their curse.

Everything that happened next went much faster than they could have expected it to.

His arm snaked around their lower back, slowly pressing a large hand into the base of their spine. This caused them to slightly arch forward, eliciting a small gasp. He bowed deep, bringing his face almost cheek to cheek beside theirs to murmur into their ear, in a voice low enough that not even Vere's monster ears could have picked up the sound. There was barely a breath of space left between them.

"I think he's very interested." He all but purred, with an uncharacteristically low rumbling that spilled forth from deep within his chest. MC sucked in a sharp breath on reflex and braced their hands against his chest. They squeezed their eyes shut as a dizzying wave of flutters nearly swept them away. He chuckled at their adorable reaction.

They stood like that for a moment. MC felt the chills that ran down their spine melt into a new heat, pooling beneath Leander's hand that was laying flush against their sensitive muscles. MC suddenly realized that he likely had tricks up his sleeve they didn't even know existed.

He took the last half-step forward, and MC instinctively moved backwards, unintentionally pressing their rear into the counter to make space that didn't exist. They accidentally trapped his hand in place by doing so.

The sandwiched position left only a small opening for their face to rest in the crook of his neck. They completely melted into his frame as his grip on the small of their back deepened. He hummed in approval of their nuzzling.

MC would have been embarrassed to death about the public display of lust if they were even capable of producing a single coherent thought in that moment. They were too overwhelmed with reveling in their own self-satisfaction to notice that Leander's other hand was reaching for the other key on his belt.

"What do you say to that?" He purred, the vibrations passing through his body and into MC's, rattling them to the core.

Their breath was hot and sweet, fanning across his neck and mixing with the scent of his body. It was syrupy but sharp, just like his drink. Just like him.

"I hope you don't keep me waiting too long." They whispered.

[sillymercury]

Stolen Lullabies

Summary: When war returns to Pyrthian the inner circle finds themselves on the losing side. In a desperate attempt to turn the tides three brother perform a forgotten spell to call forth a great power through time and space. What happens when that ‘great power’ is a human girl who knows nothing of magic? Will she be of use or has destiny abandoned them?

Word count: 4.5k

Part i (Prythian Version)

Part i

New York ver.

Este let out a deep breath as she analyzed her outfit for what felt like the millionth time, observing her pieces over and over again. One minute she hated everything and the next she thought she was God’s gift to earth. Being a perfectionist has its downsides, especially when running behind schedule. She could probably add and take away accessories, try on different shoes, or switch out the jacket over and over again for hours.

The leather mini skirt she had on was her favorite of the night and the studded belt and silver chain that hung off her hips were the perfect add-ons. The top was a beige mesh corset that made Este’s modest chest more boisterous, she also had a long leather jacket that cleared her skirt and landed at her mid-thigh. With her neck and wrists layered in silver jewelry, she threw on some suede calf boots that matched her corset. Her hair was falling to her mid back in tight black curls. With her outfit out of the way she began to play around with her hair: up, down, half up-half down.

The sound of the phone ringing pulled her attention away from her reflection and had her diving into her bed to grab the cell phone that lay atop. It was her manager, no doubt asking where she was. She swiped across her screen to answer the FaceTime call.

“There’s my favorite pop star!” Shayla’s voice rang loudly out of the iPhone speakers. Shayla, the aforementioned manager and team leader, had been taking care of Este for the past couple of months since she signed with her Music company. Signing with the company was a dream come true for Este, after 2 of her songs went massively viral on nearly every platform she was offered a 15 million dollar deal that she immediately accepted. The company was most indulgent with artistic freedom, whether her demos were rock, hip-hop, or alternative, they accepted it all with open arms. After spending the last couple of months perfecting her first EP it’s finally dropping tonight at midnight. All of the effort put into her outfit was for the release party, Shayla tried to offer up a stylist but Este declined and ranted about being ‘authentic.’ “Are you ready for me to pick you up?”

Este shook her head, “I’m still figuring out my hair and I need to do my makeup. I’ll be ready soon Shay-Shay La-La”

“Uggghhhh, I swear to god you were born late,” Shayla exaggerated, “but seriously you don’t need makeup, and just leave your hair down it’s literally gorgeous.” Shayla was always dishing out compliments so Este just shook her head with a small laugh and pushed her single blond curl behind her ear before nodding. “I’m coming now to get you.”

“No!” Este responded slightly too quickly, earning a confused face from Shay. “I just mean it’s only a couple blocks… I want to walk.” Este’s stomach had been doing flips all evening and she blamed it on nerves but some primal part of her told her this anxiety was different. Like it was warning her of something that was on its way… something big. She wanted to be alone for as long as she could to ground herself before mingling with artists, executives, influencers, and whoever else may be at her party.

“Oh… everything all right?” Though they hadn't known each other too long, Shay knew that when Este insisted on going for a walk it meant her soul was feeling heavy.

“Yea… Yea! Just nerves you know,” Este did her best to make herself sound perky and excited even though she felt like her stomach was about to fall out of her ass. “I need the walk to bring myself back down to earth and I'm actually about to leave now!”

“I thought you-” Shay narrowed her eyes and brought her phone closer to her face, Este just smiled as she was being observed. “Okay, okay.” Shayla saw right through her but decided to leave it, Este thanked a metaphorical god for this. “I’ll see you there princessa!”

Este kept from breathing out a relieved sigh and responded cheerily, “Perfect see you there!” She went to hang up but a nagging question lingered in the back of her head and stopped her from pressing that big red button. “Actually um,” she paused, not knowing how to ask casually, “Did my mother ever get back to you? Do you know if she’ll be there?”

Shay took a minute before responding, the hard line that her mouth was set in gave Este her answer. “She read the message but she didn't RSVP… I'm sorry Este.” Este just shook her head as Shay went on, “But hey! There is going to be like a million and one people there who are excited for you and proud of all the work you've put into this.” Shay was nodding, trying to get Este to agree with her, “Let’s have fun, yeah?”

“Yes! Lots of fun,” Este’s enthusiasm was too over the top to be natural and they both knew it. “I'll see you there,” was the only other thing she said before quickly hanging up. The sigh Este was holding in finally shoved out of her mouth as she shoved herself off the bed and out the door, into the street. The wretched smells of the city attacked Este the moment she stepped outside earning a scowl.

New York was the perfect place for an upcoming artist but having been raised in the country side- Este had a natural distaste for the city. The sounds kept her up at night, the smells nauseated her, and the trash was…everywhere. While she loved walks through the city it seemed she never had an enjoyable one; always getting catcalled or stepping in something she didn’t want to identify. The worse part of it all was every single experience, whether she liked it or not, was locked away in her mind and kept in mint condition.

Though today Este’s mind was too busy to think of all the things she hated, she had that horrible nagging feeling eating away at her gut. Maybe that nagging feeling was her mother’s fault, she pondered.

Este had always been the apple of her mother’s eye, the perfect, gifted genius. Her mother would refer to her as “The mind of a generation” and tell her that she was going to revolutionize science and bring the world into a new era. No one ever attested to that notion, Este had an eidetic memory that much more resembles hyperthymesia and an IQ of 186. She was indeed amongst the greatest minds of her generation.

Everything changed when Este started making music. It became an obsession that consumed every waking moment. She had always loved music, having a taste for every genre, but her intense studies never allowed her indulgence. Her world changed when she met an unimportant boy who taught her how to hold drum sticks. He was totally useless other than the few free lessons she got out of him. After she dumped him where she found him, she began learning multiple instruments and how to produce music in a matter of weeks. It soon became all she did, she even began to neglect her schoolwork. Her mother reprimanded her many times, at the time she was 19 and a 3rd-year doctoral candidate, telling her that she worked too hard for too long to throw everything away for a “silly hobby.”

She tried to tell her mother that the silly hobby was her passion but was shot down every time. She insisted that Este had a duty to her gifts and it was her job to make the world a “better place” somehow. It was then she realized pursuing the scientific field was her mother’s dream for her and not her own. Everything came to a head when Este announced she was dropping out of college to focus on her music. If her mother ever was going to give birth to a cow, it would've been that day. The reaction consisted of screaming, crying, a couple of broken household items, and words that could never be taken back. One explosive fight later and she hasn't talked to her mother in 8 months, not when she got signed, not when she was featured on a top-charting song, and not even on her birthday.

Her mother had made it known how disappointed she was, claiming that she was throwing her life away and she wanted nothing to do with it. She said she would only talk to Este if and when she “came to her senses.” Her father didn't take her side either but he had given up on her when she made it clear she wasn't using her genius to further the American military-industrial complex. Her older brother… well after being compared to Este for the entirety of their life she couldn’t blame him for walking out and rejecting the entire family completely. The only one who stood behind her was her younger sister but May had idolized her ever since she was old enough to understand the term “greatness.”

Este shook her head hoping the thoughts of her familial drama would dissipate. She shoved her hands in her pocket and commended the version of herself from an hour ago that threw a lighter and spliff in there. She put the joint between her lips and as she lit it she scoffed thinking about how her mother would react to her newfound habit. The world would gain another cow.

Her pace slowed to a leisurely walk as she enjoyed the burning sensation from the marijuana and how it numbed her brain and body as well as mask the smells of the city. Her brain felt uncontrollable at times but the effects of the drug slowed down her cognitive function enough to feel normal.

The hotel where the party was being hosted was less than 4 blocks away but Este decided not to take the straight shot. She still had 45 minutes before people would be showing up and figured that was enough time to take a spill around the plaza so she did exactly that. As she walked around she focused on the bustling crowd, the wind that pushed and pulled the foliage, and the many sounds of the city. The weed now infiltrating her system had mellowed her out enough to actually be able to enjoy her city and not have a cynical response to everything in her path. So the walk did what it was meant to, she felt lighter and less stressed as she sat on the edge of the fountain to finish off her spliff before heading to the hotel.

She opened her phone and was faced with the paper she had made it halfway through, even though she wasn’t studying it anymore she still loved science. When you spend years of your life completely devoted to something it’s hard to leave completely in the past. The paper was published by the DOE detailing their breakthrough in nuclear fusion ignition, this controlled reaction was the future of clean energy on this planet.

She read the details of the intricate lasers, they contained 2.05 MJ of energy and when shot at a nucleus made up of two light nuclei the fusion reaction produced 3.15 MJ of clean energy. She had a particular interest in the experimental design, reading up on the diagnostics, target fabrication, and the computer simulations that were used. As she read the back of her mind was coming up with ways to apply this breakthrough to day-to-day life, the cynical part saying the US military would probably be the first to apply the concept to some unnecessary war machine.

“That one seems to like you,” a gentle voice came from her left. Reluctantly dragging her attention from her phone, she lifted her head to see an older, stout man. He was probably in his late sixties and based on the bag of nuts he was throwing around for squirrels she assumed he was enjoying his retirement. He had a crooked finger pointed at Este’s feet and when she looked down she noticed a single squirrel circling her her. There was a plethora of squirrels around the old man but this particular one did seem to like her.

“Hmm, looks like he does,” Este chuckled in response. She stood up and took a few steps and the squirrel seemed to follow her, she was laughing now. The influence she was under had her laughing a little harder than she should but she didn't care, the squirrel was adorable.

“Here,” was all the old man said as he handed her a small handful of nuts, Este took the nuts in her hand and thanked the old man before sprinkling some on the ground. The squirrel ran around greedily gobbling up every single nut. She placed a small pile on the lip of the fountain where she was just sitting and her new little friend jumped right up and went to town.

“Oh my gosh,” Este gushed as the joint hung lazily off her lips and she pulled out her phone for a photo. She giggled as she snapped away, getting plenty of angles to show off to whoever would pretend to care at the party later. With the phone mere inches from her face she noticed through the screen some abnormal movement in the fountain behind the squirrel. “Woah,” she let out as she dropped her hands and focused fully on the fountain, cursing the laziness that kept her from putting in her contacts as she had to squint. “Does it usually do that?”

“Well, most squirrels only come up to people they know have food but-” the old man was in the middle of answering before Este shook her head wildly. She stepped closer to the fountain and the sight became more clear.

“No, not the squirrel. The fountain,” Este grabbed the joint and used that same hand to point at the water that was moving rapidly now.

“Oh- Huh?” The old man glanced over his shoulder at the water before shaking his head, “Do what?”

Este looked at the man incredulously, the water was glowing now. It looked like someone had melted gold, added about 50 pounds of glitter, and was now mixing it about the fountain. “That!” Este exclaimed, pointing again, “Swirl and glow.” She moved closer still until she was leaning over the lip looking at the wild water.

The man stood up this time before turning to look again, “What are you getting at!” The old man threw his arms in the air as he exclaimed but Este was barely even listening. A harsh wind was coming from the water and blowing her hair about wildly, the wind seemed to wrap around her and pull her in closer. The water was humming, a melody that felt familiar but she knew she has never heard. It was inviting, and comforting, the sensation felt perfectly safe as she reached a hand out to touch the top of the liquid gold. She could vaguely hear the old man raving about smoking too many funny cigarettes when all of it was drowned out the moment her finger came in contact with the water.

The sounds of the city turned to warbling as she was yanked into the fountain, but she never hit the bottom, she just kept falling. The warbling turned to whooshing as she fell faster and faster. The water felt thick and warm as it encompassed every inch of her being, All of the exposed skin had the sensation of pins and needles, she tried to reach her hands out to grab something, anything but the dense substance made any voluntary movement nearly impossible. She couldn't do anything except let herself fall, so that's what she did.

The end was closing in as she seemed to slow and the warbling sound came back, Este was fully expecting to fall next to the fountain but when she fell on her ass it wasn’t onto concrete.

Este groaned after she hit the ground, it wasn't a hard impact but enough to hurt. She rolled to her knees and as she was pushing herself up she noticed the cold wet floor. It was covered in jagged rocks and puddles. She pushed herself up and looked around. It was hard to see, but she made out that she was… in a cave? There was cold wind blowing off the rocks, water dripping from the ceiling, and a damp earthy smell all around.

Este felt her heart rate rise as she looked around, it was incredibly dark and stuffy. The smell caught her off guard and the breeze had her clutching her body. The light from the swirling water she just appeared from was above her head on the ceiling of the cave and the glow was fading. The only thought in Estes' brain was confusion. She looked down at the joint that was somehow still lit in her hand and noticed she was completely dry. The fountain and the old man were nowhere to be seen.

Okay, she thought, hallucinations?

She looked at the joint again before aggressively throwing it down and stomping it out. “Jesus Christ,”she muttered as she stomped. When she turned around she realized she wasn't alone, her body reacted instinctively and she jumped back, letting out a yelp at the sight. There were three men in front of her, three very large men. Este herself was tall, standing at 5’8, she was still a good foot shorter than the shortest one. With the glow gone, she could barely make out rippling muscles and… wings?

Her eyes bulged before squinting, the only light now was barely glowing red and blue LEDs that were strapped to two of the men’s chests. She couldn't make out anything other than the outline of their body, not their facial features or whatever those huge things on their back were.

“It’s a girl,” echoed off the wall. It was a deep and rough voice, an intimidating voice that held a hint of confusion. Este instinctively took a step back. “A tiny girl.” The voice now had a slightly mocking tone and Este’s blood ran cold. Her head filled with terrible and violent visions of what three strange men might do with “a tiny girl” like her.

Stumbling backward her back hit the wall of the cave and she felt trapped, the part of her brain that hadn’t switched to fight or flight was grappling for an explanation. The majority of her brain was trying to come up with a next move, if she ran their long legs would catch up to her in a near instant, but if she stayed…

She clocked the silhouettes once again and decided fighting was off the table. She tried to control the shaking that had taken over her body as she pushed her brain to come up with something, anything. She contemplated screaming, throwing rocks, and biting sensitive body parts when the middle one spoke.

“Don’t worry,” this voice was smooth and silky, it sounded comforting but Este’s logical brain wouldn’t fall for it. She could vaguely make out hands that were held up in front of him as he took a step forward. “We brought you here… to help us.”

Este didn’t bother to try and understand what the man was saying, her a-million-miles-an-hour thoughts were halted. Something else had caught her attention. A black mass had begun moving behind the men. It looked like it was seeping out of the cave walls, twisting and swirling in an unnatural way. Her eyes would have caught it if its darkness wasn’t so potent.

The mass was darker than dark, so black that it stood out against the rest of the inky environment. Este’s shaking became more violent as she watched the mass, it seemed to grow and was now surrounding the men and pooling unnoticed at their feet. Whatever comfort was in the second man’s voice was stolen by the eeriness of the creature.

“We won’t hurt you,” he stepped forward again and Este didn’t care, her focus stayed behind him. She saw something in the mass, she squinted harder trying to understand what she was seeing. It looked like the mass was producing sharp blades, tens of them layered on top of each other. No. Not blades. Teeth.

She meant to speak, to ask about the ominous mass but her voice betrayed her. She was only able to point, to gesture to the thing moving around them. She made out three heads turning over their shoulders and took the opening.

Este ran. She didn’t know if she was running deeper into the cave or towards an exit but she didn’t care. She just cared to put distance between her and that thing, getting away from those men was a plus. Behind her, she heard a low “Shit,” that matched the first voice. There was also the unmistakable sound of swords unsheathing.

“What the hell? What the hell? What in the hell!?” was what she screamed in her head as she was taking off. She had weird dreams but swords and monsters? She hadn’t conjured anything like that since her juvenile years.

Ester cursed the heels on her feet, not only were they slowing her down but they were loud. That thing or those guys could easily just follow the sound of her steps. She didn’t let up though, she pushed herself as hard as she could, thanking Shay for buying her that gym membership.

She glanced over her shoulder to see how much distance she had gained but upon glancing she saw the man with the blue LEDs was a few paces away from grabbing her.

The shock of seeing him so close made Este stumble and trip over her own frantic feet. A second yelp fell from her lips but she never hit the ground. Strong arms wrapped around her torso and she was pressed into a steely warm body.

A terrible scream tore through her throat, and flailing began “Help! Help m-“

Este was cut off when a large hand firmly covered half of her face. The action was so rough it restricted her airflow from her nose and mouth. Knowing it was futile she still tried to break free anyway. Nails digging into the foreign skin and legs kicking about wildly. She tried to drop her weight and fall out of his arms but he held firm.

She felt a warm breath on her ear that covered her neck and shoulders in goosebumps as it carried a harsh shh. “Screaming like that is going to get us killed.” This voice was a new one, rich and heavy. It was the kind of voice that conveyed an intuitive pensivity. The kind of voice that would stop people in their tracks and drag their attention to whatever was being said.

The coolness of the cave was lost on Este as her body raised many a degree. Her rational brain told her it was the lack of oxygen and the energy she was exerting in her struggle.

She had two options: give in or pass out. She was sure the man knew this too. Deciding not to be unconscious in the company of a strange man she started smacking his arm ferociously. The man uncovered Este’s nose but not her mouth. She jerked her head about trying to get him to uncover her mouth too but he responded simply, “Sorry, I can’t take that chance.”

Este took greedy breaths through her nose and the mildew smell was long gone. It had been replaced with a plentiful teakwood scent, a sweet honey-like undertone, and an uncured resemblance to a freshwater stream. The relaxation was involuntary, her tense muscles relaxed and this time she was dead weight against the chest instead of trying to fall away from it. The man let out a low hum that reverberated through her body and eased her soul. She closed her eyes and took a few more deep breaths before pensively grabbing the hand on her mouth. The man must’ve clocked the change in Este’s demeanor because he let his hand fall away.

She turned and was faced with a chest, craning her neck she couldn't make out any details of his face. He was encompassed in darkness with only the faint flickering blue light to illuminate the bottom of his face. She could see strong cheekbones, full lips, and a sharp jaw but the rest was just shadows.

“Where am I?” Her voice came out as a faint whisper. His body heat was rolling onto her in waves and she had to physically hold herself back from sinking back into the stranger’s warmth.

“We’re-“ he started but then his lips fell into a thin line as he assessed her, “It’s a long story.”

A man of few words. Normally Este would appreciate that but now she was in a strange dark cave with a strange dark man and any story is better than the one she was concocting in her head. She thought up a schizophrenic break, a weird new drug that was slipped to her without noticing, or maybe a bizarre and realistic dream.

“I’m sure I can keep up,” Este spoke firmly. No nice smell or body heat was going to keep her from rationality. She wouldn’t go with him, at least not willing, without an explanation that made sense.

“We need to get out of here,” he pushed past her, clasping a large hand around her wrist, essentially dragging her behind him.

“What? No! I’m not going anywhere with you.” Estes' volume had increased so showed her sincerity. She tried to rip her hand away but alas his grip was strong. Although she was sure wherever she was being led was better than here her stubbornness wouldn’t let up. She dug her heels into the ground in an attempt to keep from being dragged any further.

He turned around and she didn’t need to see his face to know he was annoyed, it was dripping in his voice. “Either you can come with me or I can throw you over my shoulder and you can come with me. How do you want to do this?” His grip on her wrist tightened and he yanked her arm pulling her close to him again.

She pushed back against his chest and he let her step back, ‘how courteous’ she thought sarcastically. “I’m not going anywhere with you! I don’t know you, or where the hell this is, or what the hell is going on. And if you’re not going to tell me tha-“

He cut her off with his hand again, grabbing her and turning her back to his chest again as he assessed the cave. “Shh! Don’t make a sound. Don’t even breathe.” His voice was so low she wasn’t even sure it could be considered a whisper. It was quieter than the dripping sound coming from somewhere deeper in the cave and she’s sure she wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t so close. His demeanor had shifted and that scared Este, not necessarily of him but of whatever caused the shift.

She tried to assess their surroundings as well but her eyes couldn’t make much of anything out. The man took a step forward, the action forced Este to step too, and when she did her heel clacked against the floor. They both froze at the sound and Este looked down at her boots, cursing them. Este wasn’t sure why but she knew she just fucked up. It was confirmed by the stranger's sharp breath and newly rigid body.

When Este looked up she saw the mass, the creature from before. Or maybe it was a second one. The teeth, the swirling darkness, it was all much closer than the previous one. This time without a wall of men in between, this time she was the wall. A primordial fear seeped into her bones she couldn’t help the shaking. She had premonitions of what that thing would do to her, and she was sure the stranger would throw her into it for a chance to save himself.

His grip loosened and she took that as confirmation of her fear, a soft sob stole from her lips as she felt the hot tears of fear prickling her eyes. That thing must be attracted to sound because the sob was enough for the mass to start rushing forward. It was swirling in on itself as the dark mist cleared the the short stretch between them.

The man did indeed shove her but not into the mass. He shoved her out of the way into the cave wall. He must’ve underestimated his own strength because she hit the wall- hard. Her head made contact first and the last thing she heard was a sword unsheathing as unconsciousness engulfed her.

A/N: Here we gooo, part i(New York version) from Este’s perspective. I’m excited to write this multi part fic and if one person enjoys it I’m happy😭

If you got this far I love you and if you want to check out part i(Prythian version) you can find it here

Also to all my NYC homies I’m so sorry, i really do love your city but it’s important for Ms. Este to dislike it, pls forgive meeee

Masterlist

[jokeroutsubs]

We want to wish everyone a happy 1 month anniversary since the Stožice concert! 🥰💗

This is a translation of an online article published today, 6.11.2023, by Suzy magazine, a subsidiary of the Slovenian newspaper Slovenske novice. The author of the article is Polona Bohorič.

Audio version by IG Gboleyn123 can be also listened on Spotify, iTunes, and other podcast platforms.

ODE TO JOKER OUT

What do these guys have that is lacking in the world?

Respect. To everyone. To their roots. To the world. Compassion. The desire to be human. Playfulness. That inexhaustible companion of creativity.

[Photo caption: They give off the feeling of an old, well-rehearsed rock band. PHOTO: Mediaspeed]

Fever

I actually don't even remember when and how I got the Joker Out fever. What attracted me? The lyrics for sure, words have always been a sacred tie for me, a fundamental element. Rhythms and melodies were not far behind. Likeable. Enough to awaken my attention, followed by curiosity and then the excitement of discovery.

Charisma, honesty, open-mindedness. The incredibly complementary collection of members, both in personality and in their image, works as if they had been put together by some giant professional American or English production company. But they have built themselves. Step by step, as it seems, since childhood... With resolution. With learning. With a freshness of their own which is brimming in them, and which they are showering over people far and wide... Material that is good enough to set one small country on fire. And this fever knows no bounds and it is spreading.

In a world where we are all the media, it's not that hard to create one hit. But keeping and stacking the material to maintain and even increase the temperature is a task that many have already undertaken. Only few succeed.

The first time I heard the song "Novi Val", which is becoming the anthem of a whole generation, I was as struck as if I had opened a textbook with instructions on how to exist and at the same time embrace life. Youth is always finding it's own way, circumstances are constantly changing. The rebellion of yesterday is not the same as the rebellion of today. However, the inner strength that drives the world forward is the same.

[Photo caption: What do these boys have that is lacking in the world? Surely something profound, something that every young heart naturally longs for. PHOTO: Mediaspeed]

Authenticity

There are five of them. Five points of a star.

Their roles in the five-pointed community are so natural. It doesn't matter who occupies which place, when or why, but more importantly that they blend in with the others- just as the points in a star blend together. What matters is that everyone enjoys it. Playing, complementing. And growing. I perceive them as coexisting in total acceptance of one another.

If they have made their way to the stage by by walking the road laid before them by their role models, this influence has brought them to a point where they seem to have found not just each other, but their own star.

One role stands out despite their unity. This role is not called frontman for nothing. He is simply in the foreground. Born for the stage, regardless where or with whom, but at the same time a sensitive soul and a perfectionist. I was struck by how subtly he slowly turned the stage spotlights onto his friends in the band, so that they all came out of their shells or got rid of their reservations. The wisdom of a leader, hats off.

Mastery

The boys are precise and skilled in their work, although (or maybe because of it) their performances in smaller clubs seem casual, as if they had just dropped in on their way. Their mileage of being onstage is noticeable. They give off the feeling of an old, well-rehearsed rock band. But the magic happens when the audience feels that the pleasure is theirs. The wave that lights up on the stage ripples in both directions.

[Photo caption: Bojan Cvjetićanin, born for the stage, regardless where or with whom, but at the same time a sensitive soul and a perfectionist. FOTO: Mediaspeed]

A crowd of a few hundred or a few thousand - there is no great difference in the response - is spellbound from the first to the last chord. This desire to move with everyone on and below the stage is more than the individual bras, bracelets and glasses, which are already becoming a collection. It is a powerful force of invisibly woven feelings, emotions, memories and visions. It is the enthusiasm of youth, regardless of age.

Who is part of the generation of love and hope? The Stožice stadium gave me the answers.

A six-year-old girl, sitting calmly cross-legged on a slightly raised technical prop in the arena, silently moves her lips with each word in the song, and as the boys leave the stage, she wisely observes, "It's not over yet. Carpe diem is still missing."

Her father, who looks at her with wide-eyed pride.

Thirteen-year-old best friends, accompanied by one of their mothers, experiencing the ecstasy of each song individually? Their own experience follows the band and the stage, and with the obligatory recording on the phone, they sing to each other, confessing and commanding each verse, with the full conviction that it is theirs.

The mother is stoically tolerating what is happening, obviously aware of the importance of this moment for her daughter.

In the stands, the seats are not filled because all the ticket holders are on their feet, dancing, singing.  And they undulate. Fans and admirers in a crowded fan pit, who have been preparing for this moment of unity for six, eight, ten months.

Friends and colleagues of the five guys, scattered all over the arena, keeping a watchful eye on every move.

Two ladies in their fifties, standing next to a fence, dancing and reliving their youth.

[Photo: Mediaspeed]

Slovenia, Europe, the world. Twenty-seven countries are present in one space and united in one chorus. An ode to youth, rebellion, trust and determination. It lasts for two hours in this place, but lives in the heart in each moment, pulsating in a single beat.

No, it is not hypnosis, it is a wave of hope and trust. A belief that youth can do anything. This youth is not really defined by numbers.

Values

What do these guys have that is lacking in the world? Surely something deep, something that every young heart naturally longs for. When it merges into the same river with them, that deepness can be drunk in long draughts.

Respect. To everyone. To their roots. To the world.

 Compassion. The desire to be human.

 Playfulness. That inexhaustible companion of creativity.

Cooperation and cohesion. Powerful weapons to prevent the ego from growing like a wild weed.

The ability to maintain distance without arrogance. The ability to accept without becoming greedy.

Gratitude and modesty. These two keep your feet firmly on the ground.

[Photo: Mediaspeed]

Courage and hope. Two invincible forces that help to spur and tame even the wildest horses and lift them up to the unknown, the incredible, the dreamlike.

I perceive their strong mindsets through their gestures, words, concerts, interviews. Although it is quite clear how responsibly and professionally they have embarked on their journey, I hope that the weight of what they have already experienced does not press them into too much deliberation about the way forward. I sincerely wish them to remain in tune with their authenticity: childishly mischievous, youthfully seductive and juicily mature.

This world is already all theirs ...

-~-~-~

Translation by @kurooscoffee. DO NOT REPOST!

[cain-e-brookman]

i was tagged by @illarian-rambling! thanks!

Rules: post brief descriptions of some characters and a poll, then get people to vote on their favorite

okay i've done this for the main cast of book one, lets see how much i can give away for book two characters

propaganda under the cut

Hesperos is a Sky Mage of Clan Galanis who worship the eldest of the Sky God's children: Khrou the Messenger, Goddess of Lightning. Exiled from his clan at a young age, for reasons he won't speak on, he was found off the coast of Vizia on a half-destroyed vessel by a young merchant lord after being abandoned at sea. Although he grew up alongside the carefree culture of the Sea God's children, he keeps to his clan's disciplined philosophy, as to never lose the grace of his goddess. Despite the strict adherence to his religion, Hesperos is, well, a ham. A performer from a young age, he loves nothing more than music, theater, and being the most dramatic person in any given room. He's enjoyed the wealth of his guardian, but never puts on airs and it polite to a detriment. His manners are his shield, as there's much he hides behind a charming word and easy smile.

You have two options. If you want to know her as a friend, you know her as Miss Belle, the owner of the most bustling tavern in Crescaeya: The Sunk Gator, home of the most authentic Marsher cuisine this side of the border. If you want to know her as an enemy, it's General Isabelle Duplantis-LaBoef of the Shadow Kings Army. During the war, she was known as the most ruthless defender on the home front. The only person in history who had ever sunk even a single Vizian ship, let alone three. After the heated peace talks ended, and the Vizian Armada broke their embargo, Miss Belle stayed on with the army long enough to get her sash of medals from the Shadow King, then move north to Uslaria for her restaurant. It's better not to ask too many questions; all good Marshers know this. So no one questions the late night shipments at her door, or how the large woman who always has the private table upstairs resembles a particular Vizian Fleet Admiral...

Anyone who's been in a room with Tavi knows he's royal, no matter what blood or title say. A merchant marine made guild leader, he's known to be as two-faced as they come. In balls and social events, the picture of grace and charm, funny and social. Anyone on the business side knows this is a lie. He's a controlling, stubborn, and hard business man who knows how to get things done. No one can deny he gets results, though, and through a friendship (or more if the rumors are to believed) with the duchess, he's managed to worm himself deep into the inner working of the largest trade city in Uslaria. After years of watching him slowly take control, most now understand why his family signet is an octopus.

Silas was once a carpenter who lived deep into the wild lands tucked into the heart of the Marshes, the Dark Waters, but was pulled from his life during the war with the Fire Mages. Marked by the Silver Moon as the most true Mage in his small town, he was drafted the moment the Marshes were attacked. His time in the Shadow King's army brought him far from home and ended when his unit was attacked in an ambush as they pushed their way through enemy lines in the middle of the night. He spotted the attack before his sleeping camp had, sounded the alarm and held back the assault long enough to give his men a fighting chance. In doing so, he sacrificed himself to the fire, and that night, under the light of the Silver Moon, he died. Or so the casualty report would say. The healers didn't think he'd survive the hour from the burns, but he did, becoming the only living person to ever hold the medal for a sacrificial death in defense of the people of Ixoryn. (He made it very clear when he made it home, he wasn't giving it back.) Now, he lives in Crescaeya as Tavi's live-in bodyguard, able to intimidate most before they even think of hurting his lord. The burn scars on most of his body sends a very clear message: You're gonna have to do worse than this to take me down.

and i'll tag @spideronthesun @skullduggeryandfilibuster @emrowene @topazadine! as always no pressure!

[imaginingaustin]

mr. butler

summary: when austin hears your praise of his performance in ‘elvis,’ he can’t help but want to repay you for your kind words.

austin x female!reader

a/n: i posted this on my main blog before i started this one, so if you read it there, no you didnt <3

being with austin, you almost always accompanied him to his interviews. getting to watch from behind the cameras as he spoke about his job, how much he loved getting to do what he does, and relishing in the support he’d been receiving for his role as elvis. you were so proud of him, and getting to be on this journey with him was nothing short of extraordinary.

as you and austin strolled down the carpet at the film’s premiere, you stood by as interviewers spoke to him, asking him questions. some were new, and some were ones that you’d heard him answer before.

“so, who is this lovely lady attached to your arm?” the interviewer asked him as they locked eyes with you. you and austin exchanged a quick look, and you gave him a small nod. it wasn’t often that he spoke of you during interviews, as he chose to keep your relationship as private as he could. but he took a large amount of pride in your support for him, and you could tell that he wanted to share.

“this is my girlfriend, (y/n).” he said with a wide smile. “she’s been by my side, supporting me through the whole preparation and filming process for this movie. it was only right that i brought her along with me to watch the finished product.”

“(y/n), you look stunning. who are you wearing tonight?” the interviewer asked you.

“oh, thank you! i have the absolute pleasure of wearing a prada dress tonight. prada did a lot of costumes on the film, and they approached me with this dress for tonight. i knew better than to turn it down.” you laughed as the interviewer nodded along.

“so, we’ve all talked with austin about his favorite parts of filming the movie. let’s talk about yours. were there any parts of the film where you were like ‘this is actually elvis, and not austin?’”

as soon as the interviewer finished the question, a million memories flooded your mind.

“oh yes, there were so many. seeing him in the costumes and with the dark hair made me do double takes while i was watching him on set.” you began, and you heard austin let out a small chuckle. “one moment that really sticks out to me though, was early on, before filming really even started. it was when i first watched him sing and perform as elvis.” as you explained the story, the memory played in your mind like a video.

you had taken a few days off work, and you’d accompanied austin and baz luhrmann to RCA Studios in Nashville for an early rehearsal prior to filming. once austin was cast, he did all he could to embody elvis, in soul, spirit, and physicality. his preparation journey was unlike any other he’d gone through before.

baz invited some office members from RCA into the recording studio to allow them to watch a “Mr. Elvis Presley” perform. baz wanted austin’s performance to be as authentic as he could make it, so what better way than for him to do real performance for an audience?

you sat next to baz, and watched as austin walked into the studio. he walked out in a lose fitting, light colored suit, paired with his slicked back, black colored hair. he looked perfect.

austin stood at the microphone and took a deep breath. he was so nervous. he looked over at you and you shot him a wink. he loved that you were always there in his corner.

well, you may go to college you may go to school you may have a pink cadillac but don’t you be nobody's fool

as soon as he sang the first note, you felt your heart begin to race. austin had sung in front of you before, but never in this capacity. as he sang and danced, you felt your face heat up, and you felt a familiar pit in your stomach that only austin new how to bring upon you.

as the song continued, and he began to loosen up, he danced around the entire room, playing to the audience as they hyped him up. he walked over to where you were sitting, singing directly to and locking eyes with you, you felt like you were going to pounce on him and take him then and there. once he finished, you watched as a wide smile grew across his face, him letting out a big sigh of relief as he was met with applause.

“let’s just say, watching austin perform, i knew exactly how those girls felt watching the real elvis perform.” you said, looking up at austin. you were met by his gaze, a small smirk playing on the ends of his lips.

“well, there you have it. a raving review from your girl. i bet that makes you happy.” the interviewer said to austin.

“more than happy. knowing that i’ve made (y/n) proud is all i can ever ask for. she’s my biggest fan, and it’s everything to me knowing that she loves what i do as much as i do.” he said. you finished the interview and continued down the carpet, making your way inside the theater, stopping to take photos along the way.

after the movie, you were amazed three times over. watching everyone’s hard work come together to create such a wonderful film. austin was incredible as elvis, and everyone else in the cast was just as incredible. baz luhrmann directed it beautifully, and the final product was more amazing than you could have ever expected. you sat behind austin, watching as he teared up, hugged baz, and basked in the standing ovation from the crowd. austin turned around to face you, beaming. his smile was wide, and you stepped forward to embrace him in a tight hug.

“i’m so proud of you.” you whispered. “i love you.”

“thank you. i love you too.” he said. you pulled away and smiled up at him, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

later that night, at the after party, you were surrounded by such high energy. the cast and crew members were ecstatic, finally being able to celebrate a job well done. you were over at the bar getting a drink, when you felt a hand press against the small of your back.

“hello darlin’.” you heard austin’s voice say in your ear, his southern drawl more prominent than it had been in a while.

“mm, hello there mr presley.” you said, turning around to face him.

“oh, you flatter me.” he laughed. you wrapped your arms around his neck and he placed his hands on your hips. he smiled down at you and began swaying to the rhythm of the soft music that was playing.

“have i mentioned how proud i am of you?” you asked as he pulled you closer into his chest.

“only about a couple hundred times. but i’ll always love to hear it.” he said.

“well hear it again. because i am so so proud.” you said, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“y’know, i haven’t stopped thinking about what you said earlier.”

“i say a lot of things. you’re gonna have to be more specific.” you teased, even though you knew exactly what he was referring to.

“i think it was something along the lines of you knowing exactly how the girls who used to watch elvis felt when they saw him on stage.” he said, raising a brow at you.

“oh yes, i do remember saying something like that. and it’s true. watching you before you even started filming the movie, just getting into the head space was a sight. then getting to watch you in the actual movie? heaven.”

“heaven, huh?”

“better than heaven actually. watching you wiggle on that stage,” you ran your fingers down his chest, pulling him into you once you reached the waistband of his pants, “really gets a girl going. the girl that pulled your jacket off in the movie? yeah, that would’ve been me.”

“well, maybe you and i should get going, so i can pull this dress off you.” he said, running his fingers up and down your arm, fiddling with your dress straps.

“well, mr butler, maybe we should.” he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead and took your hand in his. he led you through the room, saying good bye to everyone. he’d fed them some excuse as to why you were leaving so early, but you couldn’t hear him. you were too distracted by how badly you wanted him.

you made your way outside, austin barely taking his hands off you while you waited for a car to take you back to the hotel. once you were situated in the back seat, austin began peppering kisses all over your skin. he hit your sweet spot at the base of you neck and you let out a soft moan.

“hold on baby. just a little while longer.” he whispered. his lips brushing against your ear sent shivers down your spine.

when you got back to the hotel, you practically ran inside and to the elevator. austin forcefully pushing the buttons to hurry the doors closed. as soon as the elevator began rising, he took you into his arms and kissed you hard. you quickly reciprocated, tangling your fingers in his hair as he tightly gripped your hips.

“god, i hope this elevator doesn’t make any other stops.” you said, breathlessly as austin began sucking on your neck. you felt him giggle against your skin as you held him tighter.

fortunately enough, the elevator went straight to your floor. the two of you stumbled down the hallway to your room, lips barely separating from the other’s. you finally made it to your room, continuing to stumble around as you both undressed each other. clothes were thrown around the room and you finally made it over to the bed. laughter filled the room as the two of you were being unusually clumsy.

“you are so perfect.” austin said, barely above a whisper. your bare bodies were pressed tightly against each other, your hearts beating together in perfect synchrony.

austin began pressing kisses to your skin, making sure to hit every inch. he wanted nothing more than to make sure you knew how special and how beautiful he thought you were.

there was something different between the two of you that night. stronger feelings of love and lust. you and austin were both making sure that you were each experiencing a pleasure, a new high, that you’d never reached before.

the moments that followed were indescribable, the two of you climaxing at an unprecedented level. once you finished, austin collapsed on top of you as you began to catch your breath. a comfortable silence filled the room, the two of you speaking only with your bodies. he pressed sweet kisses to your stomach and chest as you ran your fingers through his hair. neither of you saying anything, but both of you knowing what the other was thinking. he picked his head up and rested his chin on your sternum, locking eyes with you giving you a soft smile.

“i love you.” he whispered.

“i love you more.” you smiled back. he reached up and pressed a kiss to your lips before moving to lay beside you. he wrapped his arm around your waist and you pressed your back to his chest. it wasn’t long before you both fell asleep, comfortable and warm within each other’s embrace.

[always-is-always]

Jungkook, honest as always

His level of professionalism is about as high as one can get. With that comes expectations, especially from the Artist, himself. It isn't surprising to see him sending a message to ARMYs about his live performance.

It was obvious that he was clearly aware of his pitch, when he pulled out the one earpiece while he was performing. It's how JK navigates as a singer, an artist, and a perfectionist. (As a person who is classically trained, I totally understand what he is doing and why.)

He will never settle for less than perfect. His ear won't let him. It's been said that he has perfect pitch, which again makes it really hard when the vocal chords don't quite hit like they are supposed to. It's the nature of the beast, as one might say.

More than likely there was some type of interference in the earpiece, from the background sounds (wind?), surrounding city sounds, the fans, or who knows what.... Plus, performing outside is hard because there's nothing to contain the sound. So if the earpiece or soundsystem were not quite right, when he pulled out the earpiece it may still have been hard for him to clearly hear himself, along with the musicians behind him.

Yes, he did a great job performing, with the cold temperatures, and with everything else he had to navigate. I think that he's just being totally authentic with ARMY, when he voices his thoughts about his performance. Yes, it's important for him to know that we loved it, AND it is important for him to feel comfortable enough to say that he'll do better next time.

He's always going to bring his best, and then look to improve it afterwards. That is his nature and he cannot do it any other way.

All we have to do is remind him how proud we are of his accomplishments. Also, remind him of how much he is loved, no matter what. Pitchy notes, and everything. 💜🐰💜

[for-yoongi0309]

SUGA IS A VOICE OF AUTHENTICITY IN A SUPERFICIAL WORLD

VOGUE JAPAN’s first ever solo male cover star SUGA opens up about mindfulness, procrastination, and how his relationship with music has changed.

For VOGUE JAPAN’s August issue, our theme is “INNER BEAUTY”; in other words, searching beyond the surface to see what really drives our dreams and desires. What better icon to represent this than SUGA? By navigating an industry obsessed with the superficial, the megastar is a voice of depth and authenticity, fearlessly candid about the internal struggles he’s faced, and the expectations he carries as one of Asia’s most successful artists. SUGA is also the first man to appear solo on the cover of VOGUE JAPAN in its 24 year history. Wearing Valentino’s Fall/Winter 2023 Black Tie collection, the South Korean artist is a celebration of a world where the connections between gender, fashion, and music are increasingly intertwined.

When it comes to music, SUGA is a true multi-hyphenate. A member of BTS, a rapper, a songwriter, and a producer for various global artists, he also performs solo under the stage name Agust D. His solo moniker is derived from SUGA spelled backwards, with the D referring to Daegu Town, a city in South Korea where he grew up.

In a Q&A with VOGUE JAPAN, before his Japan tour which was held on the 2nd-4th June, we asked SUGA about his first solo world tour, his solo album ‘D-DAY’, and what he does to stay motivated when it all feels like too much. He also opened up about how his approach to making music has changed over the years, offering his answer on a personal handwritten note. It reads: “At first I thought it was fate. Then, when I was writing songs and working, I thought of it as a kind of frenemy. Now I’ve come to think of writing music as family – something that I will spend eternity with.”

The culmination of a trilogy – The latest album D-DAY

Q: What’s the meaning behind the album ‘D-DAY’?

Solo Album ‘D-DAY’ completes the Agust D trilogy (the Agust D mixtape from 2016, and the D-2 mixtape from 2020). It’s like the second chapter of my story as Min Yunki.

Q: The title track "Haegeum" is about liberation. What does liberation mean to you?

I think I have experienced, seen, and heard a lot [in my life]. Just as essential as relaxing, I think the most important thing in life is to liberate your mind so that it’s free of negative emotions. I felt that way especially while working on this album.

Q: You featured RM on the last album "D-2" and this time you’re featuring J-HOPE. How did the collaboration come about behind the scenes?

We needed a rapper to feature on this album as well, so we looked for the most trustworthy rapper we could find. I’ve been working with J-HOPE on making music for over 10 years, and so we decided to entrust it to him

Q: You also collaborated with Ryuichi Sakamoto and met him when you visited Japan.

He had been doing music for such a long time, and was someone I hugely admired and looked up to, so it was an honor just to meet him. He gave me a lot of advice as a mentor, and the conversations we had together were a great help in finishing the album

Q: You experimented with drill music on D-DAY. Are there any particular sounds you would like to take on in the future?

As people involved in pop music, I think it’s our job to challenge ourselves to seek out the trendiest music and sound of the moment.

Q: I heard that you were stuck working on D-DAY in Seoul, so you went to Dangjin City by yourself and spent some time up in the mountains. How did that help?

When I’m in Seoul there are so many things to do, and so when I get stuck working on a song I tend to procrastinate and beat myself up about it. But when I go somewhere else, there’s nothing to do except working on the music, and I can start to feel the passion again.

Q: In the documentary film SUGA: Road to D-DAY, you visited musicians such as Steve Aoki, Halsey, and Anderson Paak. What did you learn from these experiences?

It's interesting to talk about music with other people who are involved in it too. More so than realizing and learning something, it’s really just about talking and having a good time together.

Q: You mentioned in the documentary that you wrote the song ‘Snooze’ for this album while you were in the hospital. What motivates you to continue writing songs to cheer people up, even when you were in a situation that you couldn’t even eat?

Of course, it’s important to take a break when times are tough. But I just did what I had to do, thinking that it would be a waste to take a break, because I knew I would recover eventually. I think anyone else would do the same if they were in a similar situation.

Q: In the FAQ for the BTS anthology album "Proof," you mentioned feeling inferior as the most important emotion. Have your feelings changed now that you have completed this album, which marks the end of your career as Agust D?

I feel that I have grown even more through the Agust D Trilogy, and I think I have overcome my complexes and traumas through making this album. Now, I’m feeling relaxed after my first show, and enjoying the tour without worrying too much.

Long-awaited first solo world tour – The message behind the music

Q: In the past, you have worked on songs during your world tours. Are there any new songs that have been created?

I wouldn’t say I write more songs during any specific time. I’m always writing songs.

Q: The documentary SUGA: Road to D-DAY showed you when you were in a slump, saying that you had no message to convey with the album. Did you come up with a message as you went around the country on tour?

When working on the production [of an album], I always worry about what kind of story I’m telling and what kind of messages to include and so when have a story I want to tell, I immediately start working on it. While working on this album, the words I wanted to convey started to come to me, and I’m sure they’ll keep coming.

Q: What are you looking forward to seeing in Japan?

Our last tour in Japan was in 2019. I wanted to perform there after that too, but it wasn't possible, so this will be the first time for a while. I hope that everyone who has been waiting for me there will be able to enjoy the show to its fullest.

Music and career – Relationship with the members

Q: It has been about 20 years since you began your career and started writing rap songs. How has your relationship with the music changed over that time?

At first I thought it was fate [for me to make music]. Then, when I was writing songs and working, I thought of it as a kind of frenemy. Now I’ve come to think of writing music as family – something that I will spend eternity with.

Q: Is there a moment in your career that was a turning point?

The biggest turning point for me was my first visit to the Billboard Awards in 2017

Q: This June marks a full 10 years since your debut as BTS. What feeling defines that decade for you?

Gratitude. I have been working as an artist and making music since before my debut, but back then I was one of those nameless artists who made music that no one would listen to. Now, I’ve been able to meet my fans and see many people that listen to my music. I am always grateful for that.

Q: What are your fondest memories of the past 10 years? What were the most enjoyable moments?

I have a lot of good memories of touring with the BTS members. The most enjoyable moments are when we’re all on stage.

Q: You often say that you “imagine a future where the seven members of BTS will be together forever”.

We really believe that the seven of us in BTS will always be together, and I believe there are clear things we can do in each of our respective areas. Each one of us has their own unique sphere, and there’s a mutual respect there. I think having that respect is the most important thing.

Q: In an interview with GQ KOREA two years ago, you said, “I have no dreams now, but that makes it easier.” Then, in the documentary, you said, “There is nothing I want to do”. You also said that you want to cherish the present. What is your next “dream”?

Apart from the seven of us making music together and being on stage for a long time to come, I think I have fulfilled almost all of my dreams.

Q: What is something you would like to tell your juniors, or the people that look up to you?

Everything will be fine. There will be times when you feel at your worst. I’ve had that kind of time too. But when you look back at it, it becomes a memory, and you can learn from it. It’ll be okay in the end.

The inseparable mind and body – Dealing with internal struggles

Q: How did you arrive at the idea that regret is in the past, anxiety is in the future, and to focus on the here and now? Do you practice mindfulness?

From a very young age, I was anxious about both the past and the future. I was worried and concerned even though I had no control over it. At one point I felt that it would be easier if I just got rid of those feelings, so I did a lot of things, like meditating and studying.

Q: We live in a world that places a lot of importance on remaining authentic. What kind of person do you think is an authentic person?

A natural person. Someone who doesn't struggle to do everything well, who doesn't hide the things they can’t do, and who shows their true self to the world.

Q: How do you feel about your own mind/body connection?

When my mental condition is not so good or when I’m worried about something, my body reacts to it immediately, even if I’m physically fine. On the other hand, if I’m not in a good physical condition, it also affects my mental health. So I think it’s important to maintain a balance between mental and physical health.

Off-stage SUGA – The real Min Yunki

Q: If you were to describe your personality in three words, what would they be?

Hmmm... that's difficult. 1, hard to figure out. 2, calm. 3, an observer.

Q: In the SUGA: Road to D-Day documentary, you visited friends all over the world. In ‘Dear My Friends’ from the last D-2 record, you sang about friendships that have changed. How have your friendships changed this time around?

All of my close friends now are people who doesn’t force others to be or to do something they don’t wish to. I think that kind of relationship is the ideal.

Q: What kind of people do you find attractive?

People who are spontaneous and positive.

Q: How would you describe your style?

Relaxed.

Q: You have such clear skin – what’s your beauty routine?

I don't have a routine. I simply apply lotion and that’s it.

Q: Finally, what does ARMY [BTS’s fandom name] mean to you?

I enjoy making music and performing on stage, but I’m only able to do that because of my fans. There is no point in standing alone on a big stage. Half of everything I’m able to do is possible because of ARMY.

© ASHLEY OGAWA CLARKE、EMI KAMEOKA、YUI SUGIYAMA、MASAYO UGAWA

Styling: Youngjin Kim, Bongkyu Kim

Clothes + accessories: VALENTINO

Hair: Sohee Han　

Makeup: Dareum Kim　

Set Design: Takashi Imayosh

Coordination: Ayumi Shinnai, Hyeonjeong Kyung　

Art Direction: Tomoyuki Yonezu

[coffincoitus]

will be curious to hear what you thought of longlegs!

just finished it :) I thought it was so fun and gorgeous!!! there were some parts about the investigation that were a little awkward/not super authentic imo, but it's ostensibly Not a movie about criminal investigation procedure, so it's not really a fault. I absolutely loved the characterization of long legs and the actor's performance – so dramatic in the creepiest worst way possible!

I'm not super sure if the movie was meant to make a Particular psychological argument or if the point was more generic disturbing violence, but the whole time my brain was drawing connections between the dolls and child abuse? that scene where the little girl unveils the doll's face and you can see the parents' reactions behind her was so interesting... the mother looked slightly alarmed and the father covered his face in shame? something about the things the surviving girl said to lee at the hospital were telling too, how she called lee a "slutty little angel" (or something of the sort). also how the dolls are repeatedly referred to as a way for the little girls to "forget" really evokes traumatic repression: a doll that looks just like little lee takes away her memories so that lee can live and grow up.

makes you wonder about the significance of lee not having a father. she's the only girl who didn't have a father and the only one who made it into adulthood. she's also the only one whose mother agreed to kill for long legs to spare the daughter, but the absence of the father could be a direct connection to that... when lee gets to carter's house and the family is under the doll's influence, the girl's mom is like, artificially oblivious and unable to speak her mind? again, it brings to mind a family housing child abuse.

I was a bit confused as to why lee's mom said don't call me mom in the end. I mean, yeah, she was corrupted by The Devil, I guess, but what was the symbolic significance of the mother no longer being the mother... I just think it'd have been more interesting if the "monster" had remained the mother all the time.

overall a very attractive and pretty movie to look at!! I like how at no point it's explained what or why long legs is. I mean, we got a name, but nothing that explains his actions. or how he's connected to "mr downstairs".

I did think the ending with lee saving the girl and killing her very very bad purely evil not-mother was a bit corny, but oh well. that's hollywood !

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Young American - Part 18**

This part is very fluffy and romantic! There's also a playlist for it if you guys want to listen and read simultaneously:)

Chapter 18 Playlist (don't forget to turn off shuffle!)

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Oral (m & f receiving), unprotected sex

WC: 9K

The day running errands and going around town with Harry and his grandma had been so fun. He was right, once she had warmed up to you she was a riot. She was wise, witty, sassy, and humorous - all staple traits of a person who had lived a long and very full life. They had just finished having lunch with Anne at her little shop, which was absolutely precious by the way, and were now waiting for Harry at a gelato shop that was around the corner while he helped Anne unload the boxes with all of the things she needed to make the centerpieces. 

Hillary was just sharing some funny stories about Harry growing up and all of the fun and quirky little things he’d do. He certainly did love attention, that’s something that she knew, but not to the extent Hillary was sharing with her. They were laughing as she shared a specific story about Harry at the school talent show when he was just 8 years old and literally performed “Jailhouse Rock” with the dance moves and all. Harry now, was a lot more reserved, but she felt like it was against his nature to be so tame. Maybe the people he had been around previously made him doubt his flamboyant and energetic self, it was slowly coming back though, she could see him getting sillier and less reserved the more time they were together and it made her feel really happy that she even played a little part in helping him reclaim himself again.

“What are you two trouble-makers laughing about?” Harry suddenly appeared behind her and she glanced back with a bright smile and immediately moved over to the next seat so that he could sit down as well.

“She’s telling me about your Elvis impersonator stage.” She giggled as he took a seat and groaned.

“Gran…” he whined.

“You were adorable.” Hillary assured and he hummed in slight disapproval as he glanced over to Y/N’s ice cream cup and then he smiled at her.

“What?” She asked

“Nothing, just…soulmate stuff.” He said cocking his head towards her ice cream and she looked at him confused.

“My grandad told me once that I’d know who my soulmate was because we’d have the same taste in ice cream.” He chuckled as he looked to his gran and she laughed softly as well, “I was maybe 10 or 11, but I never forgot him telling me that.” He said and she smiled, “Mint chocolate-chip is my favorite.” He said as he dipped the spoon into Y/N’s ice cream and savored it with a smile.

“He only told you that because you had bought that girl from school an ice cream and she didn’t like the flavor, remember that?” Hillary asked and Harry nodded.

“Sure, but it was very sound advice.” He said and Y/N giggled, “You two had the same favorite ice cream flavor.” He pointed out and Hillary chuckled.

“That’s true. But see, we didn’t have many ice cream flavors growing up, it was more likely for us to have something similar. You lot have so many options now.” 

“All the more reason to prove that his advice was so sound! I mean what are the odds?” He said before scooping some more of her ice cream into his mouth.

“What are the odds of you getting your own cup?” Y/N interrupted and he and Hillary chuckled.

“No chance, baby. Sorry.” He hummed playfully and she giggled. “Alright ladies, wrap it up so we can get to the jewelers before they close.” He said and they finished up and were soon heading off to the jewelers. 

Once they got to the jeweler’s Y/N was just looking around while Harry went up to the counter with his grandmother. She was picking up the earrings she wanted to wear for the wedding but they needed some repairing. Y/N had always loved jewelry, but she had never really purchased anything authentic since she was rather casual in her day to day style and very rarely did anything that required her to purchase and collect pieces. She did love looking at it though, so shimmery and delicate. Her dad had gifted her mom some beautiful diamond studs for their 10th anniversary she’d been allowed to borrow them for her prom, that was the extent of her experience with expensive jewelry. 

“Baby!” He heard Harry call for her and she turned to him, “C’mere.” He said and she skipped on over with a smile.

“What’s up?” She asked looking between him and Hillary.

“Don’t be upset, but I got you something when I came a few months ago and I need you to try it on for me.” He said and she looked at him with a slight frown.

“Harry, really?” She asked and he nodded.

“Baby, don’t worry about it. Just want you to try it on for me so we can see if it needs any more adjusting.” He said and she sighed.

“Alright.” She agreed and the clerk opened up the black velvet necklace box resting on the counter before them. She pouted as soon as she saw the delicate pearl necklace, “Oh my god, look at how beautiful it is!” She gasped excitedly and Harry smiled at her reaction.

“Yeah? You like it?”

“I love it. It’s so delicate and simple.” She smiled at him.

“Thought so too, got one for myself and I wanted you to match with me.” He said softly as he lifted it from it’s box.

“Oh, H…” she sighed with endearment, “I am obsessed but we need to talk about your tendency to spoil me.” She said and he sniggered.

“We’ll see about that. Turn around fo’me.” He said softly and she did as he said as he helped her get the necklace on. She glanced over to Hillary who was smiling at her with reassurance and Y/N just sighed as Harry clasped it on. “Alright, c’mere.” He said pulling her over to the mirror a few feet away, “What do you think?” He asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder as she looked it over.

“I’m…obsessed.” She admitted with a bright smile and he grinned.

“Yeah?”

“Mhmmm.” She hummed as she bit her lip through a smile and he kissed her cheek.

“Good.” He hummed, “It’s not a ring, but just something we can both have.” He said softly and she smiled at him through the mirror.

“I love it. I do, H.” She said and then turned around, “But I also need you to know that I don’t need anything extravagant to be happy with you.” She said and he smiled.

“Baby, I know that, I’m sorry if you feel like I’m love bombing you or something. I promise you it’s not that, it’s just that now that things are going well for me I just wanted to spoil you a bit because you’ve taken such good care of me the last several months.” He explained and she tutted.

“You don’t need to do anything in return for that. I just wanted to make sure you were OK, you know that.”

“Yeah, of course I know that, but I still just wanted to do something special for you.” He said.

“Well thank you, baby. For all of this, for bringing me here and letting me meet your family and for getting me this gorgeous necklace and just for being mine, I guess.” She sighed and he grabbed her face gently and kissed her tenderly, “I love you with my whole heart.” She said as their lips parted and he smiled.

“I love you too.” He assured, “Will this go with the dress you’re wearing?” He then asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, I think it’ll look nice.” She assured and he smiled a bit brighter now.

“Perfect. Do you want to keep it on right now? S’already yours.” He reminded and she grinned and nodded.

“Yeah, actually.” She nodded and he seemed pleased with that.

“She’s going to keep it on.” He said to the clerk who nodded and then started to put away the box it was in into a bag.

“Baby, I don’t want your grandma to think that I’m like a gold digger or something.” She said more softly and he chuckled.

“Don’t worry, she was with me when I bought mine and ordered yours back in January.” He assured and she sighed.

“OK, good. I don’t think I could continue on if your grandma disliked me.” She said and he chuckled.

“Nah, she loves you.” He confirmed, “God…I wish you could’ve met my grandad.” He said quietly and her gaze softened, “He would absolutely love you. My dad too, they’d both be bashing me over the head for not having brought you over sooner.” He said with a sad, but reminiscent smile. “Would you mind coming with me to like…pay my respects?” He asked and she glanced up to his eyes and shook her head with a gentle smile.

“No, I wouldn’t mind. I’d be honored to go with you.” She said and he exhaled shakily.

“I’ve never…gone before.” He admitted and she hummed, “Like obviously, I went to their funerals, but I just never went back again, it was just too hard. But it’s been way too long.” He said with glossy eyes, clearly there was a lot he was feeling about this.

“Baby, we can talk about this some more later if you want.” She said and he swallowed thickly and nodded.

“Yeah, let’s do that” He said before he cleared his throat and pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. He felt relief knowing that’d she’d be the one to go with him for the first time.

********

They headed back the house afterwards to drop his gran off so she could start on dinner. Harry then drove Y/N and himself to the cemetery where his family had plots. He had a good cry while he just let all of his thoughts and feelings out. He did feel guilty for never visiting, even while he was living here, but he felt that if he kept going back while the wound was still healing it would take a lot longer for him to actually move forward. As he explained all of this to his dad, grandad, and her he was completely sincere and vulnerable. She listened without judgement or commentary. Grief was such a personal and individual journey. She hadn’t lost someone that close to her but when she first moved in with Julie, when she was at her worst and the prognosis not in her favor, Y/N had started to grieve her. She was present for all of the suffering Julie endured and death seemed like the greatest kindness to her at the time. Grieving a living person was awful, but it did help bring them closer, to appreciate each other while they still had the chance, while there was still time. But Harry’s grandad and dad were gone, there was nothing more he could do to make peace for the things he felt had been left unsettled. Of course he knew that they loved him and supported him right until the very end but all he wanted was more time. But as her spoke his feelings and them talked to Y/N they concluded that at the end of everything all the time in the world would still never feel like enough when you love someone, there was always more to look forward to. The time there was solemn, but still special and beautiful as Harry told her a little bit more about his dad and grandad. As he shared with her what parts of him he felt had been passed on from them and as he shared these things with her Y/N also wished that time had been kinder to him and to his family, what a privilege it would’ve been to meet these important figures in his life.

*******

They’d had quite a big day, so after dinner they headed straight to bed. They had the roast the next day and she and Harry had been invited over earlier to help prep so they wanted to make sure that they were well rested and well, morning had come far too quickly for Harry. He made a fuss about Y/N getting up early but soon followed suit. It was nearing 10am when they made it to Gemma and Skye’s house.

“Good morning! Come on in!” Gemma greeted them cheerfully with big hugs.

“Where are the babies?” Harry asked immediately and she rolled her eyes.

“Ivy is having a bath and Archie is in time out in his bedroom for attempting to flush my AirPods down the toilet.” Gemma shared and Harry laughed loudly as Y/N giggled along.

“Uncle Haz?” They heard a small voice from upstairs and his eyes lit up.

“Jesus, he heard that terrifying laugh and just knew, didn’t he?” Gemma teased and Harry scoffed as he started to toe off his sneakers.

“I know I’m not his parent but I think it’s safe to say his time out is over.” Harry said before hurrying up the stairs and Gemma shook her head.

“Well, you’re more than welcome to join him and his shenanigans or you can have a cup of coffee and help me assemble the veggie skewers.” She smiled at Y/N hopefully and she giggled.

“I’ll join you, think he’d like to do some catching up on his own before I become the new favorite.” Y/N grinned and Gemma smiled as she guided Y/N to the kitchen. After they organized everything they got to cutting the vegetables for the skewers.

“So do you like kids?”

“I do! I have a few nieces and nephews of my own.” She explained, “I’ve always been pretty good with kids too, which definitely came in handy.” She said as Gemma nodded in understanding, “Did you like kids before having your own kids?” Y/N asked an Gemma nearly snorted.

“No. Skye and I had said no kids.” Y/N’s eyebrows raised in shock.

“Oh, no way! What happened?” She asked through a laugh and Gemma shrugged.

“It was just…meant to be I guess. Well, with Archie at least. We had been so careful because we were still considering the best contraceptive option for us but ummm, right place, right time…and here Archie is now…” she smiled happily, “Ivy we did plan for but we thought she was a boy until a week before the baby shower…we had to change everything at the last minute.” She recalled with a chuckle.

“Geez, what a stress!”

“Oh, definitely.” Gemma agreed, “So do you want kids?”

“Yes.” Y/N said immediately and Gemma chuckled at her obvious enthusiasm, “That sounded so desperate.” Y/N chuckled, “Which I’m not, like I can’t even for like another couple years with this thing in my arm.” She explained, “But the prospect just excites me. To be able to have that with someone who means the world to me, I think it would be really special.” She explained and Gemma smiled.

“Yeah, it is really special. I mean, you think your heart has limits, you know? But when you get pregnant you’ll see that it’s just…limitless, your ability to love.” She said and Y/N nodded with a smile, “Harry’s always wanted kids too. I was a little worried at some point that he’d feel like he was getting too old and just rush into it, you know?” Gemma said and Y/N hummed, “But it’s really important to him so I’m glad he’s been patient and like wanting to do things right. And by “right” I don’t mean like the traditional way of things, I mean more as in like right when he’s actually ready and like…has someone who wants that with him.” She said and Y/N smiled.

“Yeah, I get what you mean. It is a huge responsibility, being a parent. Most important job in the world, I’d say.” Y/N reasoned and Gemma nodded in agreement.

They continued chatting about a lighter subject until Skye had come down with Ivy as it was time for her to eat something. “Oh my god, look at her!” Y/N cooed at the little girl in Skye’s arms and he chuckled. She’d be so fortunate to have kids with Harry, the genes in his family seemed to be very strong because this little girl bore an incredible resemblance to Anne, “Wow, she’s so beautiful.” She said to Gemma and Skye who thanked her with proud smiles. Y/N would go for Ivy when she was done eating.

Sure enough she was asked if she wanted to watch Ivy while Skye took over what Y/N had been doing and she eagerly agreed. She made sure to stay within sight of Gemma and Skye so that Ivy could still see them around as she was a new person. But she warmed up rather quickly and they had moved to the TV room turned play room after a bit of time. Y/N was soon playing with one of Ivy’s little animal noises machines and animatedly imitated them causing the little girl to laugh, completely overjoyed by her commitment to the role. She felt as if the baby’s laugh was literally adding years to her life, she was just so energetic and engaged. It made her impatient to have this for herself. She was so enraptured with Ivy that she hadn’t even thought about finding Harry. 

Harry had just come down the stairs with Archie hanging on his broad back, clinging on for dear life because he was quite small in comparison.

“Where’s Y/N?” Harry asked Gemma as he wandered into the kitchen.

“In the TV room with the baby.”

“Should we visit your sister?” Harry asked, craning his neck to try and get a look at Archie.

“No.” He said and Harry chuckled.

“But you said you wanted to meet my Y/N.” He said with an exaggerated pout.

“OK, but just for a little bit.” Archie agreed and Harry grinned.

“We’ll see about that.” He said before rushing off to the TV room. As soon as he got down the hall he could hear Ivy in stitches over Y/N’s slightly muffled voice. And when he peeked in he saw that she was telling Ivy a story, but swapping out these animal masks that they had in there. Harry was beaming as he stepped inside and she glanced up to him and smiled brightly. But Ivy’s incessant laughter was making Archie curious and he wanted to go see what was so entertaining so he was fighting for Harry to put him down and when he did he rushed over and looked at Y/N for a moment.

“Are you a nanny?” He asked and she giggled.

“No, just a friend. I’m Y/N, what’s your name?” She asked extending her hand out to him and he took it timidly.

“Archie.” 

“It’s very nice to meet you, Archie. Do you want to help me tell Ivy a story with the masks?” She asked and he nodded, “OK, you pick which one you want to be.” She said softly and he went for the Zebra mask and he started going off, randomly spouting stuff as Y/N tagged in a couple details and in two minutes Archie had completely forgotten about Harry and was just laughing along with Ivy and Y/N. Harry’s heart felt so full as he watched Y/N with Archie and Ivy, she would be such an incredible mother. It was making his heart beat rapidly as he thought about what their future would look like.

“Uncle Haz!” Archie called for him and he snapped back into reality and hummed.

“What is it, bud?”

“Can we please get ice cream?” Archie asked and Harry glanced to Y/N with a suspicious look.

“He brought it up in the story!” She raised her hands innocently and he glanced back to Archie.

“Pleeeease.” He begged with those big green, puppy eyes of his.

“Fine, I’ll go ask your mum.” Harry said, “But I am taking your audience.” He said and scooped up Ivy as he headed out of the room.

“Hey!” Archie called after him and Y/N giggled as Archie turned to her with a pout.

“It’s alright, we can have our own fun. Do you have a favorite toy?” She asked and he lit up and nodded and rushed over to the toy box labeled “Archie” and as he dug around he pulled out a firetruck that looked pretty realistic. She ooh’d and ah’d as he showed her all of the things it could do in his three year old speech, but she understood him quite well. When Harry returned with Ivy in arms he smiled as he just watched on for a moment as Archie and Y/N played with his cars before he announced his presence.

“Mummy said yes to ice cream, but we need to go now.” Harry said and Archie shot up and then grabbed Y/N’s hand.

“I need help tying my shoes.” He said to her and she stood and nodded.

“OK, I’ll help you.” She assured him. Archie sat perfectly still while she laced them up but Harry could just see him buzzing with excitement. As soon as they got the kids settled in Gemma’s car Y/N started getting out of the back seat to go up front but Ivy got a hold of her shirt.

“Sit here!” Archie insisted and Y/N smiled.

“OK.” She agreed and well, she was quite squished between the two car seats, but she was entertained with both children demanding her attention. Archie was rather talkative, he was saying a lot of nonsense, but Harry admired the way she was so attentive and responsive to him, while also managing to keep Ivy entertained. As soon as they were close Archie was firing off about everything he wanted to try up until the moment he was being unbuckled by Y/N. He latched himself to her pant leg as she got Ivy out and even shooed off Harry.

“Arch!” Harry said trying to get him to give her some room but he was too enraptured by Y/N.

“C’mon babies, let’s get our ice cream!” Y/N said as she extended her right hand out for Archie to take it while Ivy rested in her left with her little arms latched to her shoulder. Harry stopped for a moment and just had to take a picture.

“Baby!” He said and she hummed and turned around to see him with his phone up. Archie took this as his cue to hug around her legs and she laughed at how endearing he was and really, thank god for live photos because he captured the little exchange perfectly and then he ran over to join them.

*********

As the day transpired Harry came to a single conclusion which was that he was no longer the favorite, these children were obsessed with Y/N. Her nurturing and gentle way of being just made his heart swell, he’d been on the receiving end of that part of her before, but seeing it happen before him, to his own family, it just made him ravenous. Which maybe wouldn’t be the normal emotion someone would feel, but it’s what he was feeling for her, hungry and in love. He wanted to have babies with her immediately, as many as she wanted, he didn’t care how many. He had baby fever, watching her tend to Archie and Ivy throughout the day. He’d suppressed about a dozen love boners throughout the day and he just knew that so long as they were here with his family there’d be plenty more of those to come. 

Y/N had everyone wrapped around her finger; she was so kind and gentle and easygoing and she wasn’t afraid to get silly with the kids which he loved most of all. They were currently in a game of tag with Archie and she was guiding him through the backyard as they tried to escape Harry, but he soon had them cornered and his playful gaze was set on her and she was laughing as Archie shrieked as the nerves got the best of him.

“Archie, you’re gonna run that way,” she pointed in one direction, “and I’ll run to your uncle to throw him off of your trail.” She said lowly and he nodded at her plan, “1…2…3! Run!” She shouted and he took off like a bullet despite his clumsy 3 year old running and she laughed loudly as she charged towards Harry. But he stooped down to wrap his arms around her legs and picked her up and she laughed as he spun them around a few times before losing his balance and causing them to fall on the grass with groans as they collided with the ground. They could hear his family laughing at them from across the yard and soon Harry was peering down at her.

“You alright?” He asked with an unwavering smile and she giggled and nodded.

“Yeah, m’alright. Are you?” She asked suggestively and he looked at her confused for a moment until she slightly wriggled under him and he realized that he was completely hard in his pants and then he sputtered on a laugh.

“Just give me a moment. Literally been so focused on not popping love boners all fucking day it was about time one just slipped through the cracks.” He huffed tiredly and she giggled as she pulled him to lay down beside her. It was about to be 8 in the evening so the moon and a couple of stars were already visible in the darkest part of the sky and she pointed up to a very distinct glimmer near the moon.

“That one’s ours.” She said softly and he chuckled.

“Baby, I think that’s your astigmatism because that’s a plane.” He said softly and she started to laugh loudly and he as well as he pulled her into his side and kissed her cheek. She hummed happily as she glanced over at him. She loved the feeling of the cool grass under her bare feet, she loved that she could walk everywhere and not feel too hot, she loved the red-bricked homes, and that people here said “tomahto”, and that his family had roasts every Sunday. Without even realizing it, her eyes were starting to gloss over a bit and he pouted a bit, “What is it, my love?” He asked softly and she smiled softly.

“I just really love it here.” She said quietly and he just looked over her face for a moment.

“Like…enough to live here?” He asked and she nodded and he leaned down and kissed her with all of the love in his heart. He had to keep it PG because Archie was still around, though Skye had him trapped now to give Y/N and Harry a much needed respite from entertaining him. Their lips parted and she hummed.

“You have such a beautiful family, H.” She said softly with a hint of longing.

“You give me the feeling they do.” He said and she immediately smiled.

“That’s…a huge compliment. Thank you.” She said and he kissed her quickly once more.

“This has been the perfect day.”

“I think so too. Ughhh and the babies! They’re exactly how you described them.” She said and he chuckled.

“Are you gonna have baby fever now?” He asked more lowly and she giggled.

“With how cute they are, for sure.” She confirmed with a lump in her throat. She was going to be insatiable for months, she could feel it, “Does that happen to you?”

“Always. Especially around those two. Like obviously our babies might look a little different, but I-” he stopped as her nails slightly dug into his arm that was around her middle, “What’s the matter?” He asked and she swallowed thickly.

“You said our babies and it…caused a visceral reaction…continue.” She said and he sighed.

“How do you think I’ve felt all day long?” He asked lowly, “Fuck, I just can’t stop thinking about how great of a mum you’d be.” He said and she felt her heartbeat starting to increase.

“Harry…” she whined softly.

“Fuck, we’d make such pretty babies, don’t you think?” He asked as his grip tightened on her and she nodded. Just the thought of getting to have all that with him was making her so emotional, “I can’t wait for you to have my baby in here.” He hummed softly as his hand splayed over her lower stomach and she just pushed herself up onto her elbows and kissed him quickly but deeply.

“You can’t say stuff like that to me when we’re in public.” She practically whined and he sighed.

“I’m sorry, baby. It’s torturous, but I just want this with you so badly. I can’t wait for us to get there.” He said and she hummed with a smile.

“Soon.” She said and he smiled.

As they laid in bed that night, both of them too exhausted to even move they continued the conversation.

“I think 2 kids is perfect.” He mused, “Don’t really care if they’re girls or boys…”

“Me either…” she hummed, “Seeing you with Ivy though did tug at my heart strings.” She said softly and he smiled.

“You know if we had a baby girl we’d have to slip Julie somewhere in the name.” He joked.

“Julie’d love that.” She giggled, “Would you want a jr. or a second?” She asked with a giggle.

“No, none of those.” He chuckled, “How self-absorbed to you think I am?” He joked

“Well…” she hummed playfully and Harry smacked her bum making her squeal quietly and she chuckled.

“I’m so happy our paths crossed.” She hummed sleepily and he felt his heart swell in his chest for the umpteenth time.

“I am too, my love.” He whispered.

**********

The rest of the week had flown by far too quickly. It was the wedding day now and Y/N and Harry had spent a large part of the morning helping Anne over at the venue to assembled the floral decor for the ceremony & reception. Y/N couldn’t wait to see everything in the evening when the lights came on and such, it was already dreamy in the daylight. In the afternoon Y/N helped Anne get all made up since she had been struggling with getting falsies on when she had tried previously. It was so nice to do this kind of thing because she hadn’t really had experiences like that with her own mother. Additionally, little things like this made Harry even more sweet on her for wanting to make those memories and help his mom.

Harry ended up getting showered and dressed in his grandmother’s room since she was getting done up with Aly. Harry felt good as he looked himself over once more before heading out of the room. He was by the door getting his shoes on because it was time to go. They were going to be staying at the estate with the rest of the wedding party to not have to drive back late, so they needed to arrive a little earlier to get settled in.

“Mum, Y/N!” He called up the stairs, “We don’t want to be late!” He proceeded to lace up his shoes.

“Baby, can you help me?” He heard and glanced up the stairs to see Y/N at the top landing with her heels in her hand and he felt his heart literally stop at the sight of her.

His lips widened in a smile and he chuckled softly as he looked away for a moment, he had no idea how he’d gotten so lucky.

“Oh my god.” He said glancing back to her as she descended. She felt herself going warm in the face at his compliment. He rushed over to the stairs and carefully grabbed her face in his hands. “You’re absolutely breathtaking.” He said softly before pecking her lips quickly and then rearing back to get another look at her. He shook his head in disbelief again, “Jesus… you look so fucking perfect.” He complimented her again.

“I’m glad you like it.” She said softly.

“Yeah. You’re perfect.” He said and she giggled as he was still kind of reeling, it made her feel gorgeous and desirable.

“You also look amazing. Really sexy.” She said softly as she held the lapels of his jacket as she glanced up at him and he smirked, “Should we just do more formal stuff so that we can dress up more? Quite like this look on you.” She said and he chuckled.

“Honestly, yes.” He said and she grinned.

“I’m gonna apologize in advance because when I get tipsy tonight I might get really handsy.” She warned softly, “I mean…look at you.” She sighed dreamily and he chuckled.

“That’s fine by me, baby.” He winked cheekily. Once he helped her get her shoes on he went up and grabbed their and Anne’s overnight bags before they took off. 

The ceremony had been short, but it was so beautiful. Harry and Y/N were clutching to each other the entire time, stealing little glances and fantasizing about how things would go for them when it was their wedding day. The more time he spent with her the clearer it was to him that every single moment in his life had led him to that day in the shop where they had their first meeting. Though their first interaction had unfortunately been a squabble that they could laugh about now, he never in his wildest dreams would have thought for a moment that she was his other half. The absolute love of his life. His dream person. It’s funny how life works out sometimes. He smiled as he just observed her as he walked back to their table from his visit at the DJ booth. When he got to the table he grabbed her attention by placing his hands delicately on her shoulders and crouching down to her ear.

“Let’s dance?” He asked softly and she nodded.

“I’m not the greatest dancer by the way, just a warning.” She said softly with a giggle. She was feeling quite tipsy with all of the wine she had flowing through her veins, intoxicating her brain and body in the most comforting and enjoyable way.

“S’alright, baby. We can learn together.” He said softly and she smiled at him in agreement. Little did she know that Harry only danced at things when his gran or mum dragged him onto the floor after he was quite intoxicated, this was new for him. But just seeing all the other couples on the dance floor together, yet simultaneously existing in their own little worlds, it was enviable and having a memory like this with her was worth far more than his self-consciousness over his dancing. So he slipped the DJ a tenner for him to next play a song that he’d listen to a lot when he was working up the courage to tell Y/N that he was in love with her. So he guided her over before wrapping his left arm around her and joining their hands as she leaned in closer.

Y/N smiled because she felt like everything was right with the world as she rested her head on Harry’s shoulder as they swayed slowly to the song playing over the speakers. She closed her eyes and trusted that he would guide them cautiously. As that song finished up she glanced up to him as they came to a stop, she was ready to head off of the floor and he tightened his hold on her as a lovely guitar picking started up.

“Wait, this next one’s for us.” He said quietly and Y/N pouted with endearment.

“Baby, I’m gonna cry.” She cooed.

“It’s not a sad song.” He chuckled and she giggled.

“I know! But I didn’t know slow dancing could be this intimate.” She said with a little whine in her voice and he chuckled again and kissed her forehead tenderly.

“Listen, yeah? I’ve got you.” He assured and she nodded as she assumed her previous position, resting against his shoulder as he set a tempo to their steps. The feeling of being so close to him this way was so fucking romantic, it was making her heart feel so full and for her tummy to turn with the swarm of butterflies tirelessly fluttering inside. God, she loved him so much it physically hurt and that was something so foreign to her, but she hoped that she’d feel this way for the rest of her life. “Cause I’ve been waiting what feels like my whole life for something that feels like you in my arms. But nobody feels like you in my arms.” He sang along lowly with the song and she couldn’t help it as she smiled wide. Her eyes started to gloss over with tears of joy and love and passion as they swayed slowly to the music. Her heart had completely melted as she listened to his deep voice reverberating in his chest as he continued singing along with the song right up against the shell of her ear. She was trying to keep her composure, but it was so difficult, how she just wanted to disappear with him right now and just exist together forever and ever, just the two of them in their own world. “Cause I’ve been waiting what feels like my whole life for something that feels like you in my arms. But nobody feels like you in my arms.” He sang a little louder this time and she glanced up at him.

“Is this our song now?” She asked softly and he smiled.

“It can be, this has been my song for you for…ages now.” He confessed and she sighed against him before kissing his shoulder, “Don’t let me go…now that I’ve got you. And I won’t you go…now that I’ve got you.” He sang quietly against her ear as she giggled from the tickles of his lips and breath caressing against her sensitive skin. She was covered in goosebumps from the beautiful music and lyrics he was singing to her; to their love. Her affect was so easily manipulated by the music, so as the music swelled her emotions did too and she just couldn’t hold her feelings back anymore as she let go of his hand and draped her arms around his neck and tip-toed to reach his lips better.

They were both smiling as their lips met in soft little pecks that soon became more languid kisses and then just a slow, deep one that they pulled apart from when they heard all of the guests laughing lowly as the song started to wind down. She and Harry soon joined in on the laughter when they saw Alyssa coming up to them as she simply handed over the bouquet of flowers for the bouquet toss to Y/N.

“Let’s face it, you’re definitely next…” she said to them both with a grin and Y/N was blushing like mad and burying herself into Harry’s chest as they all started to cheer for them.  “I’m sure more people teared up watching you two just now than they did during my first dance. Upstaging me at my own wedding is gonna cost you at least 3 songs, H.” Alyssa teased and he chuckled.

“Yeah, alright.” He agreed and she just leaned in and hugged them both.

“You deserve this, H.” She said to Harry and he smiled at her with so much gratitude.

“Thank you.” He said quietly and for once Harry didn’t question whether he deserved something as special as this in his life or not. He was just so happy and relieved that they were some of the fortunate people who had found their soulmate.

After one more song they headed back to their table, naturally they were stopped by several people on the way back to their seats to be congratulated on their love or to be told that they were such a beautiful couple. When they made it back Anne was still dabbing at her waterline to avoid her tears streaking down her face and Harry just kissed his mom’s head with a slight chuckle as he teased her for being a cry-baby.

“You’ll understand when you’ve got your own babies.” She huffed and he chuckled.

“Do you want to go on a little stroll outside?” He asked Y/N, “Take a break from being the center of attention?” He added with a smile and she nodded.

“Please.” She confirmed.

“We’ll be back, just gonna take a little breather.” He said to his mother and Gemma and Skye before they started to make their way out of the reception tent. The estate that the wedding was at was huge, there were lavish gardens with fountains and endless flora on one end and stables towards the back of the property. There were also a few little bungalows built on the property in addition to all of the suites inside the actual mansion. Well, this was more like a castle if you asked anyone so why bungalows were needed, who knew? Harry took a slow pace since they were walking on pebbles and he imagined it was a bit challenging to do so with high heels. Y/N pressed herself closer to him as a light breeze wafted over them, “Here, my love.” He said as he stopped and shrugged off his jacket and draped it over her bare shoulders.

“Thank you.” She whispered before they tangled their fingers together again and kept walking towards the garden in a comfortable silence before they found a little bench and settled down there. After a few beats of silence he spoke up.

“Baby, I’ve been thinking about everything we’ve talked about and experienced while we’ve been here together,” he said and she hummed, “And I think we should start planning for our future.” He shared, “I know that we’ve been a little bit cautious about involving your parents in what we have but I think it’s time, you know? I think we’re in a good and solid enough place where I’d feel comfortable like, standing up for us and our future. And I mean, I don’t want your dad to think that I don’t respect him or care about his opinion. I mean, even if he’s not supportive of you or us, like I just want him to at least know that I’m serious about starting a life with you.”

“Yeah, you’re absolutely right. I mean, even if he hates you he’ll appreciate that because he’s big on respect and stuff like that.” She said and he hummed.

“You really think he’ll hate me?”

“At first glance yes.” She said softly, “That’s why I’ve been really…evasive of this.” She explained, “Knowing how hard you can be on yourself I don’t want you to take his opinion to heart or for him to make you feel inadequate in any way. He can be mean and you don’t deserve that, H.” She explained.

“Well, thanks to you me being hard on myself has gotten a lot better. And you know, for once in my life I feel confident in who I am. I feel confident in us. I know that I’m enough because you’ve helped me believe it.” He said as his thumb ran over her knuckles and then stopped at her left forefinger as he glanced down at it, “I mean, I’ve felt like I’m ready to start the next chapter with you for a while, but after all of this… seeing you with my family and bringing you into this part of my life, I’ve never been more eager to just…jump.” He said and she glanced up at him and smiled.

“Let’s do it then.” She said quietly and his eyes softened as he took her in, lightly lit up by the moonlight and the lamp post a few feet away.

“Yeah?” He asked and she nodded with a smile.

“Yeah.” She confirmed again and he grabbed her cheeks and leaned down to kiss her slowly.

“I promise I’ll make you so happy, Y/N. We’re gonna have everything together.” He said in between kisses and she smiled against his lips. Their kiss started getting hungrier and deeper and soon they were panting as their heated and desperate bodies pleaded for more, “Wait, wait, wait…” he whispered, “Let’s go somewhere else?” He asked and she nodded. He helped her get her shoes off and then they rushed across the estate through the grass despite the “stay off the lawn” signs posted every couple of hundred feet. 

When they made it to their little bungalow they hurried inside and as soon as the door shut she shrugged his jacket off of her shoulders and they kissed with the ardor that they’d both been suppressing for days now. His hungry lips worshipped and praised her with beautiful words in between kisses and suckles as he worked his way down her neck. Her fingers wove through his beautifully styled hair, disheveling it and tugging at it to draw his lips back to hers where they kissed with a force of love that could create new galaxies. 

Her hands soon started to loosen up his tie as he started to work on the buttons holding his shirt together. And they continued to undress each other with urgency until their clothes were bunched up on the ground and he was carrying her blindly through the dark bungalow. They were laughing into their kiss as they bumped into a couple of things on the way into the bedroom, but soon he had reached the bed and he playfully tossed her onto it before climbing over her body and attaching their lips together once again. 

He hungered for every part of her; the more he had her the more he needed, it never seemed like enough. And when she made a move to sit up, he let her so that she straddled him and ravaged his face with kisses that had him smiling and giggling from the little smooches she was leaving all over his face. They started getting wetter and slower as she reached his jaw and she slowly started working her way down his body. Her impatience in reaching his cock was manifesting itself by her nails digging into his muscular thighs deliciously. She was trying to pace herself as she licked over his nipple and gently sucked before moving to the next one and then proceeding down his sternum, she didn’t forget to leave little smooches on his spare nipples which made him laugh softly and she smiled up at him before kissing each one of his abs along his six pack. He flexed his tummy to make them more prominent for her and she was obsessed with the ability to feel them so well defined as her lips skimmed along his taut and smooth skin. He felt relief wash over him when she finally reached his cock and she moaned as she finally wrapped her smaller fist around him and started to stroke slowly as she started to lean down to get her mouth over him.

“Wanna taste you too.” He said to her and she shifted around so that she was sitting over his face and without any preamble her got her mouth over him and he moaned in delight before he delved into her dripping core. They had been a bit deprived of each other so it was no surprise that their mouths on each other were doin plenty to work them up quickly. He was reeling over the way her tongue was playing with his leaky and sensitive tip. He was having a hard time staying composed as her hands fondled and gently squeezed at his balls, causing him to thrust up into her mouth.

Y/N was also getting lost in the way his mouth worked over her little cunt. Her thighs were squeezing around his head and he was practically in heaven to be overwhelmed by her taste and her sent and her softness like this. He moaned against her as she sunk even lower on his cock, the tip rhythmically meeting with the back of her mouth had his thighs tensing and his toes curling. He was losing focus and he was getting so close so fast.

“Shit, baby.” He mumbled breathily against her sopping crease before pressing a kiss right against her entrance, “I want to come inside you.” He panted as he started getting close, “Fuck! Please let me come inside you.” He pleaded as he felt his balls start to tighten up. He sighed in relief as she lifted her mouth off of him. Harry quickly shifted them so that she was under him again and he started to thrust himself along her folds. She whined when he grabbed his cock and circled his head around her clit, wetting it with his own arousal, helping to smoothen the glide even more. She hissed in pleasure as he started going faster until she was right on the edge of her orgasm. He knew this by her erratic breathing and the restless roaming of her hands along his back. He wanted her to come like this, but he also wanted them to come together, so right before she was about to come he guided his cock down to her entrance and just pushed inside which unexpectedly was her undoing.

“Oh my god!” She gasped in a high pitched tone as her walls started throbbing around his cock and he moaned as his thumb came down to her clit and rubbed as he started to thrust. “Please, don’t stop, baby!” She begged as her back arched up, pushing her chest towards him. He leaned down and took one of her nipples into his mouth, sucking and licking at her as he continued his thrusts into her. 

She was an absolute dream. Harry was sure that everything about her had been created specifically for him. The way she kissed, the way she tasted, the way she touched him, the tone of her voice, the way she said his name, her scent, the softness of her skin…it was just too perfect to be a coincidence. Harry quickly found her lips and kissed her ardently as he started to thrust faster now, loving the way she was meeting his thrusts with undulating hips, ensuring that his tip would drag against her g-spot every time he drew out. “I’m gonna come!” She warned in a whimper.

“Me too, baby. I’m close, wait for me.” He panted and she nodded. Suddenly his pace slowed down drastically which dwindled her build up but he made up for it with long, deep, and hard thrusts that seemingly had him reaching into her stomach. She winced during the first few but soon she adjusted to his new depth and her orgasm slowly started to build again. She could feel a pressure deep within her chest and her core, she already knew this orgasm would be explosive physically, but it would emotionally as well. She clung tighter to him as the emotions just became too great and she started to cry. He was tasting her tears on her lips as she panted how much she loved him and he started to lose it too. He’d never cried during sex before, but it was happening to him now too, he felt like his heart would give out with everything that he was feeling for her. He could literally feel it as his body and mind bonded even more to her. Practically ensuring that they were each others.

“H-harry!” She gasped feebly and he groaned into her mouth as she started to pulsate around him as she started to come undone. Her body was taught as the pleasure transcended the physical, the feeling was everywhere. It was so glorious that her breathing was suspended as the pleasure possessed every cell in her body.

“Oh, Y/N. Fuuuck, baby.” He moaned into her mouth before he tensed up and grunted as he started to spill his load into her. His thrusts continued pushing it deeper and deeper into her and he could feel her start to tremble when he just sank in all the way, holding himself still for a few seconds before his arms just gave out and he rested his entire weight over her. She exhaled slowly beneath him in satisfaction before hugging him and he hummed in gratitude as he kissed her cheek, “M’not crushing you too badly am I?” He questioned, his gravely voice covered her skin in goosebumps and she smiled.

“No.” She assured as she hugged him a bit tighter to assure him that she liked this.

“Mkay…I don’t want to go back.” He huffed tiredly.

“But the cake… and you have to sing 3 songs too.” She reminded and he groaned.

“Right…just a few more minutes then. I’m not ready to end this.” He whispered.

“Mkay baby, just a few more minutes.” She hummed happily.

---- Tag list ----

@jessitpwk @matildasatellite @sunshinemoonsposts @angelbabyyy99 @sunflovverharry @sad-avocado @cherrysulewski @reveriehs @permanentllyharry @justlemmeadoreyou

Let me know if you'd like to be added!

[peppymint1986]

MadaTobi Week Day One: Magic and Marriage

Adventitious

Uchiha Madara, known in some circles as the Calamity, took a moment to reflect upon how he had ended up in this situation.  The answer was of course a group of meddling elders who were incapable of minding their own business.  It had started with subtle, and some not so subtle hints about settling down and had quickly escalated.  

Soon he couldn’t turn around without one of the old fussbudgets droning on about his duty to the clan and that it was time and past he wed and produced an heir.  The whole concept was ridiculous.  He was only twenty-six.  There was still plenty of time.  

Unfortunately that argument had not worked on the elders at all.  Nor had the one about him being busy.  The only debate where he had won any ground had been on avoiding an arranged marriage.  Uchiha, by and large, married for love.  The clan would have been up in arms if the elder’s council had tried to force the issue.  

Izuna had been no help at all.  Oh his brother was happy enough to flirt with anyone who was appropriately strong,  Likewise the other spent a not inconsiderate amount of time engaging in activities Madara did not want to envision his baby brother participating in.  But commitment?  Not a chance.  

He almost wished Izuna was less responsible with his liaisons.  A child out of wedlock would not be the end of the world.  In such a scenario Madara could easily arrange for the babe to be brought into the main house.  It would probably even get the council off his back for awhile.  Alas, it was not to be.  

In an act of desperation Madara had even tried claiming he preferred men.  It was true, mostly.  It was at this point one of the wrinkled bastards had whipped out an authentic Uzumaki grimoire all about fertility spells and sex magic declaring a male spouse would be no issue.  How Yoshito had managed to get his hands on the thing, Madara had no idea, but he had.  

Even worse, another of the elder’s had thoughtfully put forth the idea of performing the Ritual of Harmony.  It would, he claimed, provide Madara with a compatible spouse.  Love, the elder had piously exclaimed, would come with time.  

The Ritual itself had been around for centuries.  And while it was true it would bring forth a compatible match, resulting in some truly cloying love stories, it was rarely used.  Most people just were not that enthusiastic about marrying a complete stranger they knew nothing about.  Especially given that seperation was not an option.  Once a pair was bound, they were bound for life.  There were likewise a number of horror stories about attempts by third parties to circumvent or break the bond.  Such attempts never ended well.  

So here he was, barely a month after the suggestion had been broached, wearing a sober formal kimono and waiting for his bride.  Madara tried one last time to think of a way out of this, but failed.  It was also, he reflected as the priestess finished, too late anyways.  The painted ritual lines pulsed once, twice, before condensing in a ball of light which shown like the sun for a brief moment before fading to leave a figure behind.  

Madara’s breath caught in his throat.  Pale silvery white hair, crimson eyes, the man was unmistakable.  Senju Tobirama.  Madara almost panicked before common sense reasserted itself.  He had already consented but all the Senju had to do to get out of this was . . .

“I accept.”

As the bond snapped into place Madara could only stare.  What?  What?!

While Tobirama had initially been shocked, it had barely taken him an instant to grasp the situation.  This morning, he would have never even considered marrying Uchiha Madara.  But if the Ritual of Harmony had brought them together there was clearly more to the other man than he had ever considered.   And of course, there were other factors.

“You,” Madara still had not quite regained the use of his tongue.  

“I will of course expect you to make peace with my kin.”

Madara stared stunned.  Tobirama was his husband.  Hashirama was his brother-in-law.  This changed everything.  It was at this point that one of the elder’s knelled over with a groan, clutching his chest; immediately sending the rest into a tizzy.  

Too bad, Madara thought dispassionately as the elder was rushed off.  In his mind, the other had brought it upon himself.  Looking back at his new spouse, he almost smiled.  Maybe this marriage thing would not be so bad after all.  

[mightybee113]

Raychell x Kikuta Daisuke (Elements garden) for Real sound [2022/10/21]

~ Raychell (RAISE A SUILEN) x Kikuta Daisuke (Elements Garden) talk about the process to achieve the unique “RAS sound” in BanDori!’s history ~

Born as the backup band for Pastel*Palettes, Hello, Happy World! and Afterglow in the BanDori! Project, THE THIRD (temp.) made their debut. Starting from July 17, 2018, the band re-started their activities under the name of RAISE A SUILEN. Differently from the previous band that had many inexperienced players, the band includes Raychell (Vo/Ba) who had been working as a solo singer, Natsume (Dr) who showcased her talents in bands such as SHAZNA, experienced instrumentalists Kurachi Reo (Key) and Kohara Riko (Gt) and Tsumugi Risa (DJ/Rap) who attended an International School and is proficient in English. Amongst BanDori, the band has showcased their authentic style from the beginning. 

Once they step onto the stage, their musicianship brings a splendid soundscape that overwhelms all who watch, blending Electronic Dance Music with Rock, making an aggressive sound alongside powerful lyrics. In recent years, they have been showing up regularly in Rock Festivals, and thus making their name be known in places outside of BanDori 

And the ones responsible for making their music is the composition team that takes care of BanDori!’s music as a whole, Elements Garden. This time, we bring a conversation between Raychell and composer Kikuta Daisuke who has experience with many familiar RAS songs, such as R·I·O·T (Arranger) and EXPOSE 'Burn out!!!' (Arranger and composer). We look back on RAISE A SUILEN’s steps, focusing on the key points of their songs and live performances.

-------------------

ーKikuta-san, you have been involved in the making and arrangement of RAISE A SUILEN’s (RAS) music from the beginning. What was the direction you had in mind at the very start?

Kikuta: Back in the beginning, Agematsu (Agematsu Noriyasu, head of Elements Garden) told me that there was going to be a new real life band with a different sound from anything that BanDori! had so far. So, we went for a theme that mixed EDM, electronicore and loud rock. We wanted RAS to have electronic sounds as its main core, different from Roselia’s grand and elegant sound. Although I had experience with EDM, I had never worked with electronicore before and putting these two components together proved to be quite a challenge.

Raychell: So that’s how it all began!

Kikuta: Yes! I had problems in many parts and I received plenty of advice from some people at Bushiroad as well, so it was a lot of trial and error. I believe our team had an overall road map already charted but, at the time we made RAS’ debut song, “R･I･O･T”, RAS hadn’t had any live performances yet, so I remember we had to think about their whole band image from nothing.

ー When compared to the other real life bands, the EDM and loud rock sound is certainly a strong element. This big difference gives them quite a strong personality, doesn’t it?

Kikuta: I believe that none of the other bands would be able to achieve such an aggressive sound.

Raychell: I see. I have never heard about any of this before! This is all so fascinating. 

Kikuta: We’ve met in the recording studio before but this is the first time we have a conversation like this so this is also a new experience to me!

ー RAS had a different start as well. Differently from the other bands, they had the real life band established before the characters, giving them a unique origin. Can you say that they were able to showcase more and more things as they had more performances?

Kikuta:  The band started off as a backing band, called THE THIRD (temp.), and that’s where the name RAISE A SUILEN comes from.

Raychell: It means to “Raise the curtains”, to stand in the main stage.

Kikuta: Yes, it means that they came from behind the scenes to the main stage. They truly are people with a lot of experience and incredible skills. Because they can be more technical in their performances, they’re able to showcase overwhelming power, which is a completely different presentation from the other bands.

ー So, when the songs are made, do you keep this difference in mind?

Kikuta: Back when I heard the song’s melody I thought I had to use Raychell-san’s singing skills the best I could and that really broadened my horizons. She’s able to express a huge variety of things when singing and once we understood that, we started having some wild ideas. (Laugh)

Raychell: (Laugh)

Kikuta: When we make RAS songs, our expectations are always like “Well since this is Raychell-san, let’s do it like this!” 

Raychell: Ah, not at all~

Kikuta: We have complete faith in you! 

Raychell: Thank you so much. On that note, were there any moments where you thought “Ah, I should make a song this way-!” when watching our performances?

Kikuta: I made “EXPOSE ‘Burn out!!!’” right after THE THIRD (temp.)’s 2nd LIVE at Akasaka (Mynavi BLITZ AKASAKA). This show marked the addition of Tsumugi-san in the group as well as the start of them as RAISE A SUILEN officially. I asked to be in charge of the composition and arrangement of “A DECLARATION OF XXX”’s coupling track and just before hearing the recording of “A DECLARATION OF XXX”, I found out that she was fluent in English, so I thought it was a waste to have her only as the DJ.

Raychell: I see! 

Kikuta: Back then, I was worried people would say that the band was “only good at performing”. I wanted them to have a little bit more on the entertainment side and Tsumugi-san joined at the perfect timing. I trusted that she could sing, so I thought that perhaps an energetic and carefree performance in English would be interesting. I saw the future in that. I fully believed this would make the band a lot stronger, so I added that rap section. I suppose I could experiment and have more freedom on this song than on the main track.

Raychell: And because of that, we have the RAS signature style today. Thank you so much for wanting to see that girl rap (Laugh). Maybe you saw Riko-chan, Reo-chan and Risa’s performance of Hello, Happy World!'s “Worldwide Treasure!” at our show and that image of her rapping got stuck with you.

Kikuta: Yes, maybe I did watch that performance! Well, there are songs where Tsumugi-san doesn't sing as well as songs where she sings alongside Raychell-san, like their “BRING IT ON” (GigaP) cover, so I suppose you can say our range of possibilities became larger. Also, I don't think settling down as only the DJ goes with her personality either, so I'm glad she gets to sing.

ーRaychell-san, Kikuta-san, do you have any songs that you are especially attached to?

Raychell: Ah, there's a lot of them! Actually, I remember every single thing I've felt during recording. Well, for our debut song, “R･I･O･T”, I remember thinking about controlling the lows and highs because that would change how my voice sounded completely. So, I wondered which voice LAYER would have and after I listened to the finished product I thought, “Ah, so this is how LAYER sounds” for the first time ever.

Kikuta: Oh yes, back when we recorded “R･I･O･T”, your type of voice wasn’t fully concrete yet. But, as you performed more and more and received feedback, LAYER’s voice was perfected. Prior to RAS, the band visuals and characters were announced beforehand and their music would fit that. But, this time, they took the very opposite direction, with the real life band serving as inspiration for the completion of the character’s visuals.

Raychell: Thinking about it now, I think “R･I･O･T” was where I was the most nervous. Ah, Natsume was right in front of me when we recorded “EXPOSE 'Burn out!!!’”. I remember that she asked me if she could listen to the recording and so, she stayed there. Ah, that’s a very fun memory. (Laugh)

Kikuta: Raychell-san is really good at reacting. For example, when she performed “A DECLARATION OF XXX” live, she suddenly added an ad-lib in the song’s interlude! Ah, she did that in “Invincible Fighter” as well, I think. 

Raychell: That’s right! And I’ve also added things of my own accord in recordings as well. (Laugh)

Kikuta: Ah, don’t worry about it! I think your reacting and arranging skills are amazing. Besides, we are very grateful for you showing us the way you sing these songs.

Raychell: I add an ad-lib at the end of “EXPOSE 'Burn out!!!'” and then I usually add some more things too.

Kikuta: I think RAS is wonderful for transforming the songs in live performances like that. To me, adding those ad-libs at the last chorus in UNSTOPPABLE was the right decision too. 

Raychell: Really? I’m glad! I also change the last chorus in R･I･O･T. (Laugh)

Kikuta: The audience has things that they want to hear live. This fever together with the show’s atmosphere increases the amount of these arrangements that truly express the group and I believe that’s a good thing.

Raychell: Originally, I didn't sing Anime songs or Rock songs at all, so, for RAS songs, I had to train myself and think about the issues that I had to solve every time. 

Kikuta: You used to sing R&B originally as a solo singer right? 

Raychell: That’s right. I was mainly focused on ballads.

Kikuta: I see. I think that you’re able to handle songs from many styles easily because of this solid foundation that you’ve built up until now.

ーKikuta-san, how do you feel about the growth in their performances?

Kikuta: The overall band is growing each and every day in my opinion. I had never been worried about them as performers but I do feel like their smiles during the sets have increased. I guess you could say that they’re able to control things in a better way because they can be so flexible in their performances. They have each found their own role and they have a lot of respect towards one another. Seeing that sense of respect come together makes me think that they have become a really good band.

Raychell: Our connection really transformed because of the characters and their stories. The animations from both the Anime and MVs served as a big reference for our own movements as well. 

Kikuta: For RAS, having the Anime so close to the real band’s own steps made for something very fresh in the franchise. Being able to revisit the things that we’ve already seen but in animation form is something really interesting that only they can do.

Raychell: All the shows we had at our beginning were able to be imported to the Anime.

Kikuta: This is nothing other than a new and exciting way of media mixing!

ーAs the venue sizes were gradually increasing, it influenced the way you all faced each show, correct?

Raychell: That’s right. Before getting up on stage, I always carry the feeling of wanting to have a battle. Up until our show in Akasaka (THE THIRD (temp.)’s 2nd LIVE), I didn’t really stir up the audience, but ever since RAS received our name, I’ve been working hard to get them worked up!

Kikuta: It was just an ordinary stir up in the beginning.

Raychell: And now, I go like “Y’all! You better let your heads fly-!!”. (Laugh)

Kikuta: But, I think that’s exactly what makes RAS unique in BanDori. I don’t think any of the other bands can have the same aggressive, or rather, mischievous feeling. I believe this sort of instigation is loved by Rock fans and I also think that it’s something that the audience looks for. In things like professional wrestling, it’s necessary to have a “bad guy” or “anti-hero” role and RAS takes that position in BanDori.

Raychell: RAS’ creator, Ayana Yuniko-sensei has said that RAS takes that “bad guy” role as well.

Kikuta: Because that bad guy exists, Poppin’Party and Roselia can shine brighter. No band other than RAS can make that happen. I also think that RAS lyrics are things that can’t be sung by any other band as well.  

Raychell: Every time I talk to other cast members, they always say “RAS lyrics are so difficult, aren’t they~?” (Laugh). There’s always a lot of really strong wording to showcase RAS’ blazing fight spirit.

Kikuta: CHU²’s words always stir things up and I think that gives the band a really nice balance.

ーAlthough it’s a bit lawless, things are never really too bad, right?

Kikuta: That’s right! I think that’s thanks to Natsume-san and Raychell-san. If everyone acted like CHU², the whole band would be chaos, wouldn’t it? (laugh). Still, she makes the band stand out and all the other characters have their own charm as well.

Raychell: The balance between all 5 members of RAS is really nice, isn’t it?

Kikuta: They’re like a squad! I think that’s really nice and suited for a band.

ー I see! Raychell-san, are there any songs outside of RAS that make you think “I wish I could sing this!” or “I wonder how this would sound in my voice”?

Raychell: Back when we were THE THIRD (temp.) and also in our early days, we used to perform songs from other bands, like “That is How I Roll!” from Afterglow-san!

Kikuta: Although the collaborations with guests left a big impression, that’s how things were in the beginning.

Raychell: Well, now we have more original songs so we hardly ever do these covers anymore, but there are still songs that I want to sing. Afterglow-san’s songs are always fun to cover. Some songs from Glitter*Green-san, Pastel*Palettes-san and Hello, Happy World!-san makes me think “Ah, I would bring this out for this song!”.  We’ve had joint concerts with Roselia-san and Morfonica-san where we played together but there still hasn’t been one with PoPiPa-san, right? 

Kikuta: That’s true, you haven’t had a joint concert yet.

Raychell: That’s why I’m really excited to face them next February in BanG Dream! 11th☆LIVE! I really love Double Rainbow!

Kikuta: Wait, are you saying that because it’s my song? (Laugh)

Raychell: No, no! (Laugh). I found out that you wrote this song today! I was so surprised! How can you write these girl-like melodies, Kikuta-san?

Kikuta: This is part of my everyday job. I have to make songs in many different genres, coming from RAS-ish Loud Rock to Pastel*Palettes-ish cutesy songs.

Raychell: I like Pep meets Step from Pastel*Palettes-san, and I also love Kyouen Red×Violet from Roselia-san and Afterglow-san!

Kikuta: Ah, this song really has that battle energy.

Raychell: Isn’t this song something that I would sing? (Laugh)

Kikuta: It is! On that note, I don’t think I can imagine you singing PoPiPa songs.

Raychell: I guess that’s true! But, I love singing them on Karaoke! (Laugh)

Kikuta: I want to hear that someday! Well, now that I think about it, Aimi-san has a very distinct voice, doesn’t she? Since her voice has a unique charm to it, I can’t really imagine someone other than her singing PoPiPa songs.

[...]

ーYour dreams reach far and wide, don’t they?

Kikuta: […] To me, RAS’ number 1 goal is to go abroad. They do have some popularity already but I think it would be nice if they were more popular abroad as well.

Raychell: There are many foreign RAS fans on social media! I always receive comments! Especially fans from other parts of Asia. I receive many messages saying things like “I can’t really attend any shows but I’ll always support you!”. 

Kikuta: They have been to many festivals in the country as well. RAS really left their mark in many places, right? RAS was trending in social media when they performed at SUMMER SONIC 2022 this year so I think many people got to know them in these spaces.

Raychell: There’s a line from R･I･O･T that says “(Our sound) will take over the world”. This phrase represents our main goal. We’ll work even harder towards that goal!

Interview by 西廣智一

Translation by @mightybee113

Source

[lunarslauren]

My 7th ARMY Anniversary

Today is my 7th ARMY anniversary!

I became an ARMY on May 23, 2017, and have officially been an ARMY for 7 years. I was 16 then and now I'm 23. It feels like time flew, yet it also feels so long ago.

To celebrate I will write about some of my favorite songs and moments:

1. Favorite BTS song?

I love Film out! Lyrically it means so much to me. It's up there with Yet to Come and Life Goes On regarding its meaning and what I personally get from it. Also, BTS' vocals are amazing, and the song is my vibe sonically. I love the simple yet artistic music video as well.

2. Favorite BTS performance?

All of their performances are amazing, so my pick isn't necessarily more amazing than any other they've done, but no one can deny that Mic Drop is amazing, and this live version is my favorite. Nothing beats a live band version.

3. Favorite BTS album?

I have a connection to all of their albums, but Wings is without a doubt my favorite. From top to bottom, its sound and lyrics are full and impactful. I love that it shows the talent of BTS as a group and as solo artists. It starts with a questioning of the self and ends with BTS' connection to each other and ARMY. In between it showcases the personal feelings of each member, and I can relate to each song in different ways. Overall, it's the BTS album and it has no skips!

4. Favorite BTS cover?

Without a doubt, Fix You. As a child, Coldplay was my first introduction to music and spearheaded my love for music. Hearing my favorite artists cover one of their songs so beautifully (as they always do) makes me speechless. 10/10.

5. An unforgettable moment?

My most unforgettable moment was probably when I became an ARMY. (Yes, I went to the Love Yourself: Tour, but in all of the excitement it's a blur in my memories.)

I remember hearing Ma City for the first time in 2015 on Spotify's radio system, but it wasn't until 2017 that I saw the artists behind the song. As a music lover, I was watching the 2017 BBMAs when I saw them getting their first award. I immediately fell in love with how authentic and grateful they were. Joon caught my eye, and soon I was falling down the rabbit hole. It wasn't long before I officially declared myself an ARMY, made an ARMYs Animo, joined ARMY Twitter, got my first bias (Jin), participated in voting for MAMA, streamed, binge-watched all of Run! BTS, their YouTube content, etc., and eventually experienced my first comeback with Love Yourself: Her. Soon after I got my first of many birthday albums and got solidified by getting my ARMY Bomb.

So, my most unforgettable moments are every time I was at my lowest and BTS helped me smile and made me feel like I wasn't walking alone.

Shifting gears a bit, let's focus on the art they've done recently:

6. Favorite Joon song?

In the same vein as Film out, the sound and lyrics of everythingoes are my favorite. I am a person who struggles to let things go, so this song helps me remember the importance of change. Sonically, this song feels like dancing on a cloud as it rains.

7. Favorite Joon album?

Right Place, Wrong Person comes out very soon, so I'm sure it very well could become my favorite since the word on the street is it's in the alternative genre (my favorite). However, my current favorite Joon album is mono. The album came out when I was one month away from turning 18, stumbling through my first semester of college, and failing said semester. It was October when it came out, and with the rainy nights spent waiting to be picked up from night class, I would blast mono. in my earphones and feel as if I wasn't alone with those heavy feelings. mono. will forever be one of the most personal albums for me. 

8. Favorite Jin song?

Jin, my first bias and fellow Sagitarrius. I see myself in his words of living for the joys in life, and I hope he doesn't struggle with the same moderation issues I do. That being said, my favorite song of his is The Astronaut. As I said, Coldplay means a lot to me, just as they do to Jin, so I'm grateful that Jin collaborated with them. The song is the perfect combination of Jin and Coldplay and the lyrics are perfect as well. Sonically it's uplifting and every time I hear it it makes me remember why music was my first love all over again. Jin's vocals are so beautiful. Also, I have always loved space. It just feels like this song is an example of why I love and connect with Jin as an artist and a person.

9. Favorite Yoongi song?

This is hard. D-Day is my favorite because it's a song that is hype in all of the best ways. Snooze is my favorite sonically as well as lyrically, but there's also Moonlight, People and Life Goes On. My true favorite, however, is Interlude : Set me free. It's up there with Film out, everythingoes, etc. as songs I will always have on my playlist. The vibe of the song is unmatched and lyrically it is so impactful and emotional for me. It makes me want to set myself free. Also, the instrumentals... 

10. Favorite Yoongi album?

I probably played D-2 too much when it came out, but nothing can beat the absolute BANGERS that are on D-DAY. Banger, after banger, after bop, after lyrical legendary, after VOCALS, etc. Listening to D-DAY feels like liberation from the self. 

11. Favorite Hobi song?

Arson. While I have always loved Hope World, and more recently Equal Sign, MORE, STOP, and NEURON; Arson was and still is so different and amazing every time I hear it. However, that isn't to say Hobi has any skips (he doesn't). Sonically, Hobi's vocals have always captivated me and lyrically I think he's truly my favorite writer in BTS. Arson has a chill yet dark vibe that I enjoy and the lyrics are twisted poetry. All I need now is the live and remix ver. on Spotify and I'll be happy. 

12. Favorite Hobi album?

Hobi never misses, all of his albums are amazing, but Jack In The Box (HOPE Edition) is my favorite. Firstly, Hobi's vinyl is my favorite BTS album I own, and his Hope Editon CD album is by far my favorite concept he's ever done. The whole storyline the album goes through is so well done and I love how (at the time) surprisingly Hobi the album is. He truly crafted each song with love and care. Also, special shoutout to some live versions of the songs included. (More please). 

13. Favorite Jimin song?

I love Alone so much. It is completely my vibe. Everything from the dark vocals to the mixing is great. I love the sad yet hopeful lyrics as well. It's one of those songs I always have on my playlist.

14. Favorite Tae song?

The entire Layover EP is such a vibe, but I have always loved Tae's song Winter Bear. It reminds me a bit of some of Coldplay's older songs and Tae's vocals in it are so beautifully understated. The instrumentals in the song are so relaxing as well. 

15. Favorite JK song?

In My You, JK writes and sings such beautiful words, and the instrumentals are so whimsical. However, my true favorite JK song is Shot Glass of Tears. As a person who has a rocky relationship with alcohol and those who overconsume it, listening to this song is like a beautiful sonic therapy. JK's vocals are perhaps my favorite I've ever heard from him, and the instruments of the song are so emotional.

If you read all of this, thank you. I have enjoyed my journey with BTS and I know I will continue to enjoy their art that inspires and heals me for many years to come.