#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes

[howtodisappearcompletelyand]

20/10 stars little guy

[noethicalconsumptionunderdisney]

Just saw your delightful post about Laex’s houses and I wondered how you would sort the rest of the family ? Also , @wisteria-lodge wrote a post about Gryffindor / Slytherin that would probably interest you .

Holy shit, I am so sorry this is getting back to you so late, anon!  This got lost in my Drafts and I totally forgot about it until I was recently trying to dig some stuff back up and got slapped in the face with this.  So even though this is months and months (and two Sorting essays lol) later, let me try to answer this the best I can:

(Links to Alex, Justin, and Max and their respective essays, so I don’t have to repeat myself)

Everyone else (...that I bothered to sort at least) below the cut:

All of the other Big Characters:

* Jerry Russo: Slytherin/Ravenclaw.  

Slytherin Primary- He broke off from the wizard world and chose a normal life because he met The One, and figured that being mortal was worth it if it meant being with her, going against what was expected of him from his community, and everything he’d believed about himself in order to do it.  

I also do believe he’s ambitious to an extent about his sub shop-- he certainly seems to care the most about whether it does well, and we know he cares a lot about his family legacy from how upset he was when it seemed that legacy would end (the times the kids might all lose their powers, that time they almost lost their lair).  Beyond that, he doesn’t seem to give much thought to the world outside his family, or even to his long-lost sister, who’s likely been kicked out of his inner circle, so I don’t think saving the world has ever really been a huge priority for him like it is for the kids.

Ravenclaw Secondary- One reason he makes a really good teacher is that he knows and remembers most of the spells the kids need to learn.  What he doesn’t remember, he can always look up in a spellbook, which he has a ton of.  He also has a lot of various magical trinkets that he’s collected over the years.  Plenty of them have value in terms of teaching, but I really do think most of their collection is because he thinks they’re neat.  This is also probably why they have a subway car as part of their sub shop, so that he would have a reason to use it, and therefore have a reason to have it.  

(You could argue Hufflepuff Secondary in regards to how he invests in his business, but even there, he likes to cut a lot of corners and doesn’t seem to feel particularly bad about doing so, as long as he doesn’t get in trouble for it.)

* Theresa Russo: Hufflepuff/Gryffindor.  

Hufflepuff Primary- She could be Slytherin too but I keep circling back to how much she cares about the traditions and cultures she left behind, and how, while she is happy in the life she has with Jerry and her kids, she’s still genuinely sad about losing that connection.  I also think about it in terms of her difficult relationship with Alex, how she calls her mija, how she pushed so hard to give Alex a quinceañera (that she didn’t want), how she was upset that Alex was failing Spanish, and how out of her depth she is with the wizard world.  

It has to sting a bit that her husband’s world, which she has no real connection to outside of him and the kids, has such an impact on everyone’s daily lives, while her world kind of gets left behind, either because the kids aren’t as interested, aren’t as exposed, or because she has to keep her extended family away from her immediate family so that magic doesn’t get exposed, how she has to follow the rules of a world she doesn’t even like that much.  Or perhaps she doesn’t like it because she’s lost so much to it.

Gryffindor Secondary- The Movie in particular solidified this one for me, just the way she gets curious about magic and Jerry and Max’s journey even though she thinks they’re strangers, dives headfirst into it despite Jerry worrying about letting a mortal be part of the adventure, and how she sees a parrot turn into a human, who is clearly Bad News, walks right up to her, and tells her all the shit she’s been put through and why she needs that stone.  

There are great moments from the show, too-- the ones that stick out to me are her talking back to the van Heusens when she knows damn well they’re vampires, and her getting Alex to teleport her to Megan’s so she can stand up for her kids’ right to have their powers, powers she doesn’t even like most of the time.  She definitely has a temper, and it’s usually played for laughs, but I also think it fits because she’s an incredibly brave person, and while there are definitely times when she runs away scared, more often than not she’ll stand her ground even in times of danger (and probably a few times where she maybe should’ve been more careful...).

* Harper Finkle: Slytherin/Hufflepuff

(Note: I like to think of this one as the Best Friend sorting, because it’s used a lot with Main Character’s Best Friend (and the Girl Friday, but this is Disney Channel so that’s not as common here), and because that combination tends to make for some pretty damn good ones.)

Slytherin Primary- I think it’s very possible Harper has a Hufflepuff Primary Model here, because it took me some thinking and rewatching to decide this, but nah, Harper’s best friends with Alex for a reason, and it’s not out of, like, the goodness of her heart or whatever.  Harper does like being part of things -- she enjoys being part of the Russo family, she enjoys being in clubs in a way Alex doesn’t get, she was excited to be invited to Gigi’s tea party because she thought she was being included in their “high society lady” rituals -- and she likes doing the nice, kind, good thing, but on the occasions where she does act purely in her own self-interest, she doesn’t feel the least bit guilty about it.  

We see this side of her more in seasons 3 and 4, but as early as season 2, we see her taking advantage of Cupid’s arrow making Justin fall for her even after Alex informs her of the situation (and only starting to hate it when she gets tired of his clinging, not for ethical or compassionate reasons), happily accepting the ribbons that make Alex’s Gryffindor squirm, because “it’s about time she got some appreciation,” and deciding she’ll continue to work for the vampires that just tried to eat her and her best friend because she “kinda needs the job” (honestly, mood tho).

Hufflepuff Secondary- More often than not, it seems Harper is taken advantage of rather than the one taking advantage, though, and I think this is why.  Working hard makes her feel good!  Being dependable makes her feel good!  She’s upset when it’s revealed that Alex used magic to help her win at everything she tried when she was little, and that she’s actually bad at those things.  She cares about earning her accomplishments, not just getting them.  She has a perfect attendance record and she cares about it a lot.  And that’s the core of what a Hufflepuff Secondary is: show up every day, and try as hard as you can.

She also prides herself on her moral support.  She’s generally willing to drop everything to help Alex and the thing she got the most furious with Alex for saying was that she was a bad friend.  This ties back to the Slytherin Primary thing, but I think it has a lot to do with how much work she puts into everything, and how much work she does for Alex, when Alex won’t do her own, and she doesn’t even mind doing it, maybe even likes doing it, as long as she gets credit for her dedication.  Luckily, Alex does appreciate her as a friend, even if she doesn’t show it as often as she probably should, and has her moments where she’ll come through for Harper too.

* Juliet van Heusen: Ravenclaw/Gryffindor.

Ravenclaw Primary- She goes against her natural instincts to hunt humans and instead sticks to animals as the more “ethical” path.  Granted, she was given a soul by her parents, which both helps her blend in better and might be what leads to her more ethical behavior, but I do think her Ideals are something she chose to live by, rather than something that was given to her, and I think part of why she likes Justin is that she connects with him intellectually, so I lean Ravenclaw for her Primary.  

Gryffindor Secondary- She tends to be pretty forthright and brutally honest a lot of the time.  She tells her parents she’s dating Justin by just... shouting that she likes him and then running back to tell him, she answers Zeke’s question about a horse-drawn carriage by implying that she killed them (for context, he’s a mortal), and she motivates Justin to win by bluntly telling him she’ll have to break up with him if he loses his powers.  She’s restrained enough to keep her vampire secret, but... not very restrained outside of that.

* Mason Greyback: Slytherin/Gryffindor.  

Slytherin Primary- His main motivation seems to be Alex, and he’s very singlemindedly dedicated to her most of the time.  The only times I can think of where he isn’t focused on her is in that first episode, when he wants to paint dogs, and only gets focused on her when she casts a spell on him, and in that moment where he sees Juliet again and confesses his undying love (oops).  He says afterwards that werewolves are “very loyal,” and I think based on the episode where we meet Mason’s parents, we can infer that that means “loyal to their own,” as they don’t like him dating a non-werewolf.  They might not include Alex in their definition of “their own,” but Mason clearly does, and puts her above everything, even citing her as his main motivation to “stay good” against Gorog’s influence.

Gryffindor Secondary-  For his impulsivity and temper, yes, but also for his dedication to Big Romantic Gestures, which I think are the ultimate Gryffindor Secondary love language.  Not that other Secondaries can’t perform them, but I think with Gryffindors it’s more likely to be a regular thing.  He tries to be more subtle in the apartment arc and it comes out more passive-aggressive, and then he ends up Doing The Big Thing anyway, like breaking the elevator in desperation or running to Bermuda to save Alex.  Even the big sculpture he makes Alex for their anniversary earlier that season, while it does take a lot of time and effort, there’s still this element of just throwing yourself wholeheartedly into something and focusing exclusively on the thing until the thing gets done (to the point of neglecting everything else) that feels more to me like Gryffindor Secondary’s battering ram than Hufflepuff Secondary’s slow and steady tortoise.

...+ a few others I thought were relevant:

* Zeke Beakerman: Ravenclaw/Ravenclaw.  To his own detriment, even: when he runs for president against Justin, he ends up voting... for Justin, because he really thought it through and Decided that Justin would probably be the better leader.  (And then retracts it because he’s morally opposed to Justin not voting.)  It’s played for laughs, but I think that does show he puts ethics before himself (and... possibly before reason.  Such are Idealists, lol).  He also likes to gather a lot of obscure knowledge and hobbies such as clogging, collecting skills because he finds learning them fun.  Ravenclaw, through and through.

* Stevie Nichols: Gryffindor/Slytherin.  Perhaps a much more stark example than Alex on both sides: more unscrupulous and more mischievous on the Slytherin side, more committed to her Cause and her Ideals on the Gryffindor side.  They bond over their shared Slytherin-ness, naturally meeting in detention because where else, and I actually think their shared Gryffindor is what ultimately comes between them- Stevie wants to convert Alex to her Cause, Alex freezes her and lets her die (maybe?) because she believes her Cause is evil.  Because unfortunately, sharing the same emphasis on Ideals and method for determining them, doesn’t always mean you’ll have the same ones.

* Rosie: Slytherin/Slytherin.  She lies to Justin when she meets him, saying she’s a wizard, when she’s actually an angel, and it doesn’t get much better from there.  She turns her wings white around Justin and acts good right up until she has him, then she starts influencing him to turn bad, so when it’s revealed she’s an Angel of Darkness, he’s too far gone to be upset.  But that Slytherin loyalty works both ways -- while his Slytherin loyalty to her made him do bad things and join the Angels of Darkness, her Slytherin loyalty to him made her convince Alex to save him, because she’d fallen in love with him for real and wasn’t okay with Gorog disposing of him once he’d outlived his usefulness, and that caused her to turn on Gorog for good, and then For Good, when she rejoined the Good Angels.  Just as she was the one who turned Justin to the dark side, she’s the one who turned him back to the light, and I think they were able to have this influence on each other because of that shared understanding of Slytherin loyalty.

... And I think that’s more than enough for now!  It’s been fun to think about all this, and even better to finally share it.  Again, sorry it took so long, but hope you enjoyed!

(P.S.: Btw, totally agree on that Gryffindor/Slytherin post-- it fits Alex so well (though definitely more the Jack Sparrow/Lovable Rogue variety).  I’m glad you see it, too!)

[gaycrouton]

The Spy Who Loves Her Boss

Hey! I absolutely loved “The Spy Who Dumped Me”, and being it was my two favorite actresses I HAD to write something. I think we all related to Morgan hardcore, and I just wanted to explore how she might feel coming in that Monday. Obviously it must’ve gone well since her an Audrey were shown working for them a year later, lol. Hope you enjoy!

Morgan wasn’t shy. Since she was a little girl, running around and entertaining people was the one thing that made her truly, unquestionably happy. She loved seeing smiles on people’s faces and she loved hearing an audience’s appreciation. It made her feel fulfilled. Sometimes her outgoing nature helped her land acting gigs, sometimes it embarrassed Audrey, and sometimes it made her hit on powerful women that intimidated the living shit out of her.

God, that woman.

Sure, she was a stereotypical young, gay woman who idolized attractive, older women. It was a stereotype for a reason after all, and that MI6 just proves it. She’s a living breathing renaissance painting. She carries herself with absolute power and femininity, as strong as she is beautiful. She’s what every woman dreams of being. Though, she didn’t know if she wanted to be her or be in her. Morgan couldn’t get her out of her mind, yet she didn’t even know her name.

So far, she’d only had two interactions with her and she’d call them both moderately successful. She wasn’t necessarily dismissed, so she’d call that a plus. Okay, she may have laid it on a teeny bit thick when they first met at the Intelligence Headquarters, but, again, who doesn’t love compliments? And there were just so many things to compliment, it took awhile for her to cover them all. Morgan was a trained actor, so she was pretty astute at picking up facial subtleties; Government Bey couldn’t keep that ghost of a smile hidden well enough when she was getting complimented.

Also, as she had reminded Audrey plenty of times since, a stone cold fox like that would not have willingly touched a person unless she wanted to. If she wasn’t at least amused at the bare minimum, there would have been no reason for MI6 to fully wrap her arm around her. Audrey insisted she had just been teasing her, but that didn’t dissuade Morgan.

She also trusted her enough to give her the honor of telling Sebastian he could come back to work. Of course, he still called her immediately after anyay, but still, the sentiment still stays.

She knew it was bold, going through with her insistence to show up on Monday. This was the British Military Intelligence after all, not a resistant acting gig, but god she wanted this. Not just working alongside a woman like her, but to live this type of high-pace life of excitement. Doing something for the greater good that made her feel alive. She was hung up on after asking what she liked in her coffee, but she’d gotten worse rejections in her life.

She spent the entire weekend nervously thinking about what would happen on Monday, and now the day was here. Sebastian, probably with the encouragement of Audrey, had agreed to let her accompany him to the office. She ran to the local Starbucks before he picked her up, spending ten minutes analyzing the menu, hypothesizing what the enchanting MI6 lady might possibly want. After agonizing deliberation, she settled on the safest option and got a plain iced coffee, which was now leaving little watermarks on her jeans from the condensation on the plastic.

“Do you think she’ll kick me out?” Morgan asked, breaking the silence. She honestly knew she would be, but she wanted to know what to expect. She was trying to formulate different possible responses to the situation, so she could hide her nervousness behind a mask of jovial understanding.

“I’m positive she’ll kick you out,” he laughed gently, not making fun of her but enjoying her insistence.

Morgan nodded in understanding before remembering something important, “Hey, what’s her name?”

Sebastian was silent for a disconcerting amount of time and she figured he wasn’t allowed to tell her, but his actual reasoning was even more ridiculous. “Umm, I’m not actually sure.”

Morgan’s jaw dropped open and she slapped the side of his arm, ignoring the way he winced and grabbed the still-recovering appendage. “Shut up! Is she like one of those bad ass boss characters in the movies? She just hides namelessly in the shadows until she needs to deal out orders and assign high-intensity missions?” This woman could not get any more badass.

“Ahh, no. I just-” he drew out his words in slight embarrassment, “-uh, can’t remember.”

Morgan turned fully in her seat to glare at him, “That woman granted you full access to know her name and you forgot!” she exclaimed, her voice raising with each word.

He let out a little chagrined laugh and tried to cover up his foolishness, “Well, we just call her ‘boss’.”

Sebastian was cool in her books, don’t get her wrong, but right now he was being such a stupid man. He clearly could recognize beauty, he fell for Audrey after all, but to ignore the enigma he worked so closely to was a brainless misstep for someone who worked in the Intelligence Department. “Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian. My handsome, but yet oh so misguided friend, I am disappointed in you.”

“Don’t forget I’m the only one getting you access to her,” he warned jokingly.

“Disappointment absolved,” she beamed immediately.

They spent the rest of the drive chit chatting and arguing about music trivia before arriving to the secret headquarters. She’d been so focused on what she’d say to her government crush that she hadn’t considered there might be an issue getting in. Apparently Sebastian had, and for that she was forever grateful. Through each security check point, he explained she was one of the American Girls that helped solve the issue with Duffer. Apparently, everyone there hated ‘Harvard Boy’ and not only let her in, but thanked her, much to her delight.

As they were walking down the hall to what she presumed was the boss lady’s office, Sebastian leaned down to her and whispered while walking, “Just so we’re on the same page. I don’t want to be put back on forced leave, so as far as I’m aware, she told you during your phone call that you needed to show up with me and I’m simply trusting you.”

“She did tell me to show up with you today,” she admonished, already acting the part.

“No she didn-oh, I see. You’re good at that,” he grinned.

“They didn’t hire me in that Blockbuster ad for nothing.”

“It’s too bad Progresso won’t be graced with your talent,” a husky feminine voice quipped from right behind them.

Both she and Sebastian stopped in their tracks and turned around simultaneously, seeing the statuesque blonde standing just a foot behind them. She even had heels on and they hadn’t heard her. It was equal parts terrifying and arousing. It took Morgan a second to register, but a smile broke out on her face when she realized the G-woman remembered her prior engagement. “I’m touched you remembered!” she exclaimed in excitement.

“Yes. I spent all weekend thinking about it,” she deadpanned.

“Really?”

“No.” She sighed as Morgan’s enthusiasm wasn’t dampened and turned to Sebastian. “So I take it you’re responsible for her being here?”

“She told me-” Sebastian started, but was cut off by Morgan. If this was going to be the last opportunity she had to have a conversation with this woman, she was going to monopolize on it.

“Yes, I convinced him you told me to bring me during our phone call. Are you impressed I was able to pull the wool over one of your own?” she boasted proudly, ignoring the slight nudge Sebastian gave her.

The woman regarded her for a moment before teasing, “Yes, blown away.” Morgan smiled as Sebastian watched in nervous anticipation of reprimandation. “My office, both of you.” Words that inspired optimism in Morgan brought dread in Sebastian as they walked through the door at the end of the hall.

Her office was exactly as she would have expected. It was sleek, classy, and elegant. It looked pristine and stylish and she was still staring in awe as the other two took a seat. “Morgan,” the sultry voice called out. Her heart fluttered in her chest at the sound of her name coming from the woman in that beautiful british accent that haunted her daydreams.

“Hmm?” she hummed while examining a potted plant to see if it was real or not.

“Sit down.” Morgan did as told and sat in the seat directly across from her.

Before she had a chance to start reprimanding them, Morgan perked up in her seat. “Hi, sorry. I just wanted a chance to have formal introductions. I haven’t gotten a chance to meet you. I’m-”

“Morgan Freeman. Thirty four years old, born January of 1984. You went to University for Theatre and you’ve gotten sporadic acting jobs ever since. You recently took it upon yourself to transport a piece of highly confidential government property with your long term friend Audrey Stockton. Now you’ve shown up hoping for a job.” MI6 finished.

Morgan sat there, jaw agape in pure shock. She knew so much about her. Off the top of her head nonetheless. It was like she could hear her thoughts because she added, “I’m the head of the Intelligence Bureau. I have access to everything you’ve ever done.”

“You missed two important facts though,” Morgan lilted, receiving a cocked eyebrow. “I also brought you this today,” passing the iced coffee to her over the desk, pleased when she took it from her with a millimeter smile. “And I am beyond flattered by your impeccable memory.”

She was met with a slightly amused stare as the woman took a sip of her coffee. She set the cup on her desk and reached over, extending her hand out for Morgan who accepted it hasilty. “Wendy Davis, head of the Security Intelligence Service. Appreciative of your coffee.”

“Shut up! Wendy Davis-”

“Not that Wendy Davis,” Wendy sighed, still indulging Morgan in the world’s longest handshake.

“I know, but Morgan Freeman, Wendy Davis, what a match in incidental-celebrity-names heaven our we, Wendy!” she exclaimed. Wendy let out a breath of amusement as she disentangled herself from Morgan’s hand.

“Hi, Sebastian Henshaw, an actual employee here, awaiting acknowledgement of his existence,” Sebastian declared, interrupting the serenity of the moment Morgan was creating.

“I apologize, Henshaw,” she sighed, taking another drink of her coffee before spinning around and grabbing a file out of her desk.

“No problem, Wendy,” he beamed.

“Nope, you call me Boss and Boss only,” she reprimanded without looking up from the file.

“Yes, Boss,” he apologized, ignoring the taunting smile Morgan was sending his way.

“So. As long as you’re feeling healed enough, I have an assignment in China that needs to be dealt with. Apparently there’s been a breach in security systems and information is being mishandled by the Chinese mafia. It most likely will be a longer assignment, possibly taking even a year,” she explained.

“Excuse me,” Morgan spoke up, a bit thrown she wasn’t walking home right now. Wendy’s piercing blue eyes shot up over the file as she looked expectantly at Morgan. “May I lend my services on this mission?” she asked.

“You’re sitting in the briefing, are you not?” Wendy said as if it was obvious.

Sebastian and Morgan looked at each other before looking back at her and exclaiming, “Wait, what?”in perfect unison.

“Well, you seemed to display at least a moderate amount of competency and skill during this recent escapade. I chose a mission of a similar calibre and I figured if you come back alive, we can see about keeping you on for good. Perhaps you find it’s not as much fun as you believe it to be, or maybe your living on this last mission was a fluke or luck. We’ll see,” she explained.

Morgan felt like she was floating. This morning she woke up thinking the highlight of her day would be seeing this beautiful woman, now it was seeing this beautiful woman and getting to continue her dream job. “Oh my gosh. Thank you so much,” she exclaimed standing up. She pressed her index and middle finger to her forehead in a salute and continued her gratitudes, “I promise I will do my best work and I will absolutely do everything in my power to make you proud.” She let her fingers fly away from her in a full salute as Wendy clenched her jaw to avoid smiling.

“Are you sure about this?” Sebastian asked while sitting down.

“I see potential,” she said politely, giving Morgan an appreciative glance before putting on the mask of strict professionalism. “However, we will need to do some official paperwork and procedures before you can go out into the field as an official, interim, agent.”

“Of course,” Morgan replied, trying to mimic the severity and conviction of the woman across from her.

“Oh, and I would like you to ask Audrey if she would also join. I have a feeling that she equals out your eccentricities. You seem to be a good team.”

“Oh, you’re the best. Your wish is my command,” Morgan gushed, poorly concealing her excitement.

Officially one of the best days of her life.

Hope you enjoyed! It was a fun challenge writing this! -Nicole (Twitter/Tumblr: gaycrouton)