#but welp I think I’m addicted now

[cupidskissx]

hi!! idk if u accept prompts but i love ur monaco malaise and- yeah

mastermind by taylor swift. but make it lestappen

Thank you for the love on Monaco Malaise, it truly mean so much to me! 🥰🤩

*Frantically listens to Mastermind for the first time, downloads lyrics and annotates*

I’ve never had an actual prompt before, 🥹 I’ve been afraid to put the call out, it’s such a lot of pressure and risky 🫣

That being said, I loved writing this! If anyone else has any prompts, please send them my way! I hope you enjoy this little AU, Anon ❤️

~~~

The first time Max saw Charles, he knew.

He wasn’t sure what he knew, but he knew it. Call it luck, lust, or destiny, or perhaps a combination of all three. Whatever it was, he felt it in his bones.

He’d heard whispers Ferrari were considering a new team boss — some hot shot who flew up the ranks at Maranello. However, Max’s two week, no-contact vacation with his mum and sister saw him miss the media storm after Leclerc’s appointment.

The summary of meeting minutes and critical updates that his Executive Assistant compiled upon his return only had him mentioned once, in a two sentence dot point:

Charles Leclerc to replace Frederic Vasseur as Team Principal of Scuderia Ferrari. Effective: 1 January 2028.

It was easily skimmed over in favour of actioning the mass of paperwork requiring his approval.

Maybe if he’d known how this man would shift all his focus and ambition in a matter of moments, he would have at least read his profile online. Or, perhaps issued a full investigation to learn everything there was to know about him — signing it off as: “getting to know your competition”.

Alas, he did neither, leaving the universe — in all her surreptitious glory — to place them in the right place at the right time.

*

The Bahrain briefing room was hot and stuffy. Max was half out of his jacket when the door opened. An unfamiliar figure squeezed in. He was flushed, his hair spiked up. He had a notebook under his arm, a pen perched behind his ear, and he was struggling to get his phone into the front pocket of his jeans. The meeting was yet to start, but he shot Stefano Domenicali an apologetic look.

The man, who appeared close to his age, secured his phone and scanned the room for an available seat. It was surprising, concerning even, the way Max’s peripheral vision reduced until all he could see was this flustered, handsome man in the doorway.

It was like one of those cliché moments in a rom-com, the lead actress walking in, hit by a spotlight, the only one in the room — Max couldn’t look away. The man’s gaze landed on Max and his lips twitched up in a small smile, enough to make Max’s heart stutter. Max forced himself out of his stupor, smiled back, and continued to take off his jacket.

Niels Wittich tried to squeeze passed the man, knocking into him, forcing him to move out of the way and make a seating decision. He weaved through the row in front of Max, and was considerate enough not to sit directly in front of him, choosing the next seat over. Max surveyed the room, every other Team Principal was there, so that could only mean one thing. He was Charles Leclerc.

Charles settled into his seat and checked the spiral spine of his notebook, he paused. He opened it to a fresh page then started to pat down his pockets. Coming up short, he checked the spine again. Max squeezed his lips together to prevent himself from laughing. Before Charles could frisk his pockets a second time, Max leant forward and tapped his shoulder.

Charles turned around, his furrowed brow smoothing out. Handsome wasn’t all-encompassing enough to describe him. He was ethereal, timeless beauty carved by an ancient, wise deity.

Max didn’t trust his voice so he gestured to his own ear. It took a moment, but Charles’ face split into an embarrassed grin, his dimples popping, and cheeks flushing. He plucked the pen from behind his ear.

“Merci, J’oub— oh, sorry, I just got off the phone with my brother...”

Max didn’t have the opportunity to tell him he understood French — he’d lived in Monaco for long enough — because Charles wiggled the pen and kept speaking, “Thanks, I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on.”

Charles looked down to clip his pen through the wire bound spine as Max said, “Now that would be tragic.”

He looked back in Max’s direction, his smile shy, his eyes twinkling under the fluorescent lights, Max’s chest flooded with smug satisfaction and something else. Something that tingled. And because Charles wasn’t presumptuous, he leant over the back of his chair, offered Max his hand and said: “Charles Leclerc, I’ve taken over from Freddy.”

“Max Verstappen, TP for Red Bull,” he shook his hand, “Enchanté, and all that.”

Charles snorted a laugh, “And all that,” he repeated, his tone soft and warm.

“Welcome to another season gentlemen,” Stefano said from the front of the room.

They broke their lingering handshake, acknowledging that their conversation was over, their smiles faded, and Charles turned around to face the front of the room.

Max peaked over Charles’ shoulder every now and again, watching him write headings, sub headings and dot points in faint, chicken-scratch cursive.

When the presentation moved on to the compulsory, OH&S policies and procedures Charles started to doodle a small race car in the margin of the page.

It was that moment Max knew he was doomed. He had no choice but to wriggle his way into Charles life, or ruin his career trying.

[joeku-xiv]

thinking a lot about jean in so many ways, he’s sooo endearing and everytime i like him more and more

and i can’t not think about ships too, and it’s. difficult.

i love jeanharry too much, two co-dependant depressed assholes that yes, have a few wonderful moments together, but can’t stop making each other worse? woo boy i crave for it. thinking about their past together makes me always emotional, it’s so. really.

but in the present/future? i can’t see harry without kim, there’s too much between them and i can’t look away, and i also really love them. i think that jean and harry would drive them insane again, their baggage is too heavy, and i can’t see a way for them to really work for once. the love? is totally here, it’ll always be, but alone? they can’t work, they’ll be the death of them

jeankimharry? it works, i like it, i think that kim can make them work and finally resolve some of their problems, and them with kim too. will they all heal? of course not, there’ll always be problems (and thanks fuck, i don’t want to woobify no one please i love them all as problematic as they are because there isn’t a good man in disco elysium) but all together they can work. but it’s really easy for people to put jean in the background and no. big nope. i fucking hate it, if they’re a throuple there shouldn’t be someone who’s in the center, they’re all equal. sooo uhm, i like it, but it’s really difficult too

everything i’ve seen about jeantrant is really good, i like it, they’re cute, but my problem is that we (me? could be my problem, it’s still been not a lot of time since i’ve finished de) know too little about trant, and we don’t really see his personality, his problems, everything. to me he seems too good and sane, and i think that also jean craves in some way someone fucked up as him. it doesn’t feel that satisfying for me too, not like this. wish to know more about him, the game has leave some good doubts to me about trant

with judy there could be really good ideas but i’m too afraid of the misogyny around her and nope. i’ve already seen to many shit takes about jean, if i have to deal with misogyny too i’ll go insane

[lurkingshan]

Last Twilight Episode 12

A month ago, I never could have predicted that I’d be sitting here trying to assemble some thoughts to explain how on earth this show went so badly off the rails. I am truly taken aback by where this story landed, and I advise anyone who wants to think of it fondly to just pretend it ended at episode 9, and even skip the finale if you haven’t watched yet. Before I get into it, let me just start with a word of praise for the cast, who did a great job with their performances and kept this show afloat when the writing fell apart. And boy, did it fall apart.

In my view, this narrative had three main threads it was addressing: 1) Day’s journey to accepting his disability; 2) unresolved family trauma; and 3) Mhok and Day’s romance. And in the end, it failed on all three of them. I am going to dig into this and I am not feeling particularly nice, so if this is going to hurt your feelings I suggest you stop reading now. 

Day’s Journey

Just…wow. We have been afraid of this turn the entire time and trying to hold out hope that the show would not go there, but here we are. I started laughing out loud when we got to the end of part 3 and Mhon’s phone went off with an alert for a new eye donor, and then just stared incredulously at my screen as we time skipped AGAIN to a Day whose vision had been restored for years (last week I joked to @bengiyo and @waitmyturtles that once a drama starts using time skips it becomes addictive and they never stop, and—welp!). What was this entire show for? Why did we spend twelve episodes with Day grieving his vision loss, learning how to cope, and finally accepting his blindness only to completely undercut it at the end? The first part of the finale was so much about how he was thriving—finding a new career for himself and becoming self-sufficient and growing so much on his own—only to give us an ending that implied he could not actually have his happily ever after without his vision restored. 

And this is in fact the message they sent by coupling the return of his vision with the return of he and Mhok’s relationship, and giving us a happy ending rooted in his contentment at having his sight back. They even went back to the Last Twilight mountain to completely tarnish the thematic resonance of the original scene. Calling back to the beautiful memory of Day “seeing” the sunset and experiencing “a moment so good that you feel like you can live there forever” as he accepted his disability with this scene of him seeing the real sunset with his restored vision was so hurtful to me that I actually got angry. Day didn’t need his vision back to get a happy ending, and I absolutely hate what this communicates about disabled people’s capacity to live happy and fulfilling lives. This show has created many writing sins but this is the most unforgivable to me.

Family Trauma

The show began dropping the ball on this one a few weeks ago, but this finale put the nail in the coffin. We spent most of this episode at Porjai and Night’s wedding, an event that might have felt meaningful if the show had let us see any of their romance. I’m grateful to Mark Pakin and Namtan Tipnaree for their beauty and charisma because it’s the only thing that made me care about those scenes at all. Rather than actually being about them, however, this wedding was used primarily as a clunky vehicle to deliver heavy-handed messages about “second chances” to encourage Day to get back together with Mhok (more on that in the next section). 

I did enjoy the brief nods in this episode to the brothers continuing to have newfound harmony in their relationship, but where the show really lost me was in their attempt to bring Night and Day’s dad back into the mix and imply some sort of resolution between him and Mhon. Mhon, a woman whose perspective on their split we never actually saw, whose motivation for her choices and behavior toward her sons were completely elided by the narrative, who was forgiven and made peace with offscreen during a time skip. I was never given the chance to understand her or what this relationship meant to her in the first place, so why would I care about these scenes with her making her peace with this man? I continue to be so confused about where this show chose to spend its time, and why someone with Aof’s track record on developing strong and narratively important familial relationships dropped the ball so much with her. 

The Romance

Okay, let’s get into it, and remember what I said about not reading if this is going to hurt your feelings! My criteria for considering a romance successful is I have to believe the relationship is mutual, beneficial to both of the pair, and that the couple is prepared to weather future challenges. Last Twilight’s romance fails on all three fronts, and it all comes down to the total imbalance in the relationship that persisted right through the final scenes.

This entire narrative has been Mhok bending to Day’s will, giving Day what he needs, forgiving him for everything, and letting him make all the decisions about the relationship, and the finale was regrettably more of the same. In episode 11, Mhok made a mistake when he lied to Day about turning down the job in Hawaii. But he made that mistake out of grief and fear, and Day didn’t care—he unfeelingly rejected him and his pain and ended their relationship without a second thought. That was potentially forgivable as a momentary lapse borne out of instinctual hurt, and could have been repairable had Day reconsidered soon after and extended Mhok some grace. But in this episode, we find out Day blocked Mhok and refused to communicate with him again after that night, and has left Mhok completely in the cold for three years after he failed to be perfect one (1) time.

And this episode? Was on Day’s side in this conflict. Mhok is the one to return and start pursuing Day again. Mhok is the one to broach the topic of their breakup. Mhok is the one to thank Day for breaking his heart and tell him he did nothing wrong (y’all, I almost threw something at the screen). Mhok’s grief and trauma go completely unaddressed in this finale until they try to play the Rung card for one last moment of sentiment. Day cries to his mother about how he just doesn’t know if he can forgive Mhok. And in the end, Mhok makes the grand gesture, missing his flight to go to Day and stay in Thailand with him despite the successful life he has built in Hawaii.

The cognitive dissonance I felt watching this play out was extreme. I rarely see a writer misunderstand their own characters and relationship conflict so thoroughly. In order to believe in this romance we needed to see Day finally show some empathy for Mhok, take responsibility for his own mistakes, and be the one to make an effort this time. We needed to believe that Day has the capacity to be a supportive partner to Mhok even when he’s struggling. But Day didn’t demonstrate any of that, and so I simply don’t believe in this relationship. I don’t believe Mhok can trust Day not to abandon him again when some other major life event intervenes and Mhok is less than perfect. And that’s a shame, because the show really almost had something here with these two. 

And that’s all I got. What a disappointment this show turned out to be. If you need me, I will just be over here in my little corner imagining the Night and Porjai romcom that we never got and pretending the rest of this show ended several weeks ago.

[honeypiehotchner]

Devil's Backbone (Unsub!Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- part twelve

Welp. Once again I have nothing to say for myself. I find this way hotter than it should be. Nobody @ me idk what happened to me

Warnings: 18+ duh, this one definitely teeters more on the non-con/dubcon line than the last, just a heads up! listen there's...so much. gun play, knife play, face fucking, choking, unprotected sex, reminder that he is not a Good Guy and this is meant to make you hot and bothered (emphasis on bothered)

Don't forget to follow @honeypiehotchnerlibrary and turn on post notifications to be "tagged" when a new chapter goes up!

Twelve: [REDACTED FROM THE RECORD]

Your mind fought your body as Aaron pressed into you, grinding against you, listening to you whimper. 

The cold barrel of his gun traced your jaw. It made the unbearable heat flood your entire body, and you felt ashamed. This was wrong. This wasn’t supposed to feel good.

“I think you’re just as gone as I am,” he whispered, his voice thick. “I could shoot you. Right here, right now. Instead,” he paused, pressing the barrel to your lips, “you’re squirming underneath me like a whore.”

“I hate you,” you snapped, taking a deep breath, trying to compose yourself.

“No you don’t,” he cooed, taking his gun away to cover your lips in a blistering kiss. He ignored your protests and worked his tongue between your lips until you surrendered, relaxing against his body, giving in. “There she is,” he laughs, returning to your neck. “Undo my belt,” he said. He lifted his head, looking into your eyes. “Try anything, and I’m pulling the trigger.”

You believed him. You nodded, your eyes heavy. 

“Good girl,” he murmured, pulling some of his weight off of you. “Go on.”

With your arms released, you worked him out of his belt, unzipping his pants, slipping your hand inside. He fell against the car the moment your hand wrapped around him. His hips jerked into your hand, his lips pressing against yours again.

His sounds were addicting. Listening to him fuck into your hand, his shaky breaths on your lips. You felt in control, just once. Until he took it back.

“Down,” he groaned, his hands pressing onto your shoulders. You resisted, shaking your head, until he pressed harder, and with the gun. “I said down.”

You sank to your knees, knowing what came next. He pulled his boxers down, and gripped your hair with one hand, shoving you forward.

He hit the back of your throat immediately and you gagged, not prepared for the intrusion. You barely had half of him, and he forced more, until your nose was against his stomach. You squirmed, trying to get away from him, from the pleasure that you hated you were feeling. He noticed. He gripped your hair tighter, and shoved his foot between your legs.

“Since you clearly need something,” he laughed darkly. “Grind on me, baby.”

He lifted his foot and the bump against your clit was all you needed. Your pleasure won over your logic. Nothing felt more right, grinding against him, swallowing his cock down your throat, letting him hold you down. 

“That’s it,” he hissed, pulling back to give you air before you went back down, and he held you there. He gripped your throat with his free hand, feeling his head beneath your skin. “Fuck.”

You felt him twitch only once before he spilled down your throat, refusing to let you up. You coughed and choked, your vision speckling right when he pulled you up. He hauled you up to your feet by your hair, pressing you against the car, covering your lips with his. He ground his hips into you and you sobbed. How was he still so hard? It made your core ache with a need you had never felt before. 

You were close to an orgasm, and he ripped it away from you, but now he was bringing you back to the edge. He gripped your hips, pressing his knee between your thighs as he lifted you up. 

“I have never,” he groaned, leaving bruises beneath your pants, “wanted to cut someone open as badly as I do with you.”

Fear ricocheted through you at his words.

“But I won’t,” he grumbled, pulling back to look at you. “Because what fun is it, to end it here?”

He set you down and spun you around, pulling your pants and underwear down in one swift move. You leaned over onto the hood of the car, accepting your fate, accepting your shame because you wanted it. You wanted this so bad, you spread your legs without being asked.

He traced your spine with the gun, then you heard him toss it to the ground. If you weren’t out of your mind, you’d reach for it, but it was far from your priorities. 

“I know how we can make this interesting,” he whispered, and then you felt a blade against your lower back. “Don’t make me hurt you, and I won’t. This can be pleasurable.”

You rested your head on the hood of the car, taking a deep breath, whimpering when you exhaled without meaning to. 

“Shhh,” he soothed, rocking his hips against you as he drew circles on your back with the knife. “I’ll give you what you need.”

He pushed into you with no warning, immediately hitting your cervix, causing you to cry out in pain. He began rocking in and out of you until the pain resumed to pleasure, and as he brushed your G-spot, he dug in with the knife. You felt the skin break, but felt no pain, only a sting, and it was intoxicating. You wanted more.

He felt your walls flutter when he did it, and he laughed, leaning over you to whisper in your ear. “I knew you’d like that.” The knife found your neck, lightly tracing your main artery. “Sick and twisted. Just as bad as me.”

Your eyes rolled when he rolled his hips, nicking you with the knife just under your ear. Nothing compared to the white hot pleasure that ripped through you with your first orgasm, or the way he chased you right to your second.

“Now that is addicting,” he breathed, pressing his hips into you. “If only you weren’t following orders.”

You didn’t know what he meant by that. Did he want to kill you, but would he refrain since your whereabouts were known? You never had time to think about it. He continued fucking into you until you couldn’t see straight.

You didn’t remember how many marks he left on you with the knife, just that each one felt better than the last. And that more than once, the feel of the knife nearly sent you over the cliff of an orgasm.

You were done only when he was done, and Aaron made sure you had four orgasms before he let himself cum inside you, sending you flying into a fifth climax. He wanted you fucked purely dumb, so he didn’t have to worry about you fighting him. And it worked.

He righted himself and returned his gun to his holster, choosing to use yours to make you obey him if necessary, but he didn’t think he’d run into any problems. You laid there against the hood of the car for a while, with your pants around your ankles, his cum running down your thighs. It was a sight he wished to take a picture of.

Until he remembered he had a bigger issue at hand.

“Get yourself together,” he instructed. “You’re driving me back to the motel.”

You nodded and pulled your pants up, your legs shaking as you attempted to move. You didn’t think you’d be able to drive, but you didn’t exactly have a choice in the matter.

You climbed into the driver’s seat and tried not to think about what you did. But the cuts from the knife screamed when you rested your back against the seat. A black shirt was your best decision this morning. “Now,” Aaron said, settling into the passenger seat, now pointing your gun on you. “We need to talk.”

[kneelingshadowsalome]

I promised, promised myself that I wouldn’t read the Roman König x Fee fic until it was completed because I knew i would get absolutely drawn in, wrapped up in your exquisite prose, then get addicted and suffer from withdrawals. Unneeded to say I broke said promise and welp here I am 🤡

Thing that surprised me was how quickly he endeared himself to me? A cock swinging village massacring brute that I was FULLY prepared to hate had me sighing by then end of chapter 3 with the “you care about my head?” ✋😩 YES I worry for your stupid head you adorable monster.

It’s uncanny how similarly Fee and I felt as the plot progressed. I know this is a self insert and though I made an OC for fee, you were able to capture the feeling of hate to curiousity to distrust to budding emotions on the readers side so beautifully and in only three chapters?? What sorcery is this?? I could go on and on about how I’m just… in awe of your writing skills.

It’s the small things too. The effort he went through to understand Fee, learning her language like he desperately wants to be a part of her. It’s just his delight in the simple things like having a woman and buying her pretty things. I AM GOING TO GNAW OFF MY ARM THIS IS SO GOOD!! I don’t know if you’ve watched HBOs Rome, but they remind me of Pullo and Eirene so much! Like you can’t tell me König doesn’t fit that goofy brawdy soldier who’s only hobbies are drinking and fucking and fighting to a T!

Then it got me thinking…. If König is Pullo then Simon is Vorenus. He has that straight laced, no bs aura about him. Now I’m imagining them both in this universe and please excuse me while I melt in a puddle 🫠

This is perhaps the best piece of fiction I’ve read in a while. I can’t wait for part 4, I have no doubt it will be wonderful as usual. Please accept my maladaptive daydream interpretation of Fee (first she was supposed to be a wood nymph, then the earth goddess then a fairy queen?? I’m not sure anymore. There was so much great imagery couldn’t settle on one. Your honor, we lost the plot.)

Oh my goodness OH MY GOODNESS ❤️❤️❤️

You shower me with praise and I’m over here like aaahh... for me? 🥺❤️

And yes I’ve watched Rome like four times at least! Every time I watch it just gets better, the producers and crew really outdid themselves with all the details in that series. I consider it one of the best TV shows ever made and excuse me but you opened a Pandora’s box here, I'm just so pleased you brought this up...

It took so much time for Pullo to grow on me, I was so frustrated with his character but when he killed Eirene’s man because he was so in love with her and was just like: “Oh there's something in the way of our love? Oh well. *there*, solved.” Gosh I was IN LOVE. I’m sorry, I’m a horrible person, but I fell in love with Pullo right that second. And yeah König is kinda like Pullo in that sense! Eirene wails at the corpse of her ex-lover and Pullo is just like “Um, yeah nasty business but… why are you crying? Oh, oh yeah, oops. But hey, we could be together? Oh, you don’t want me? Damn. How come?” I wanted to shake and kiss him for being so dumb and adorable.

And Ghost is Vorenus YES, you get it 100 %! And the tragic love story of Vorenus & Niobe, oh god, took me about a month to get over it. And Vorenus being under the protection of Mars first and then literally becoming Pluto, the Lord of the Underworld… The mythology nerd in me is swooning over here. The only thing about Vorenus that's slightly König coded to me was when Pullo had to explain to him what a clitoris is, and Vorenus is like “How do you know this about my wife?!?!” and almost kills him :D That’s so so Roman!König.

But AHHH let me squeal about your maladaptive daydream adaption next: she’s the most gorgeous Fee ever, so lovely and feminine and yet, strong and possessing that earthly power in her. I love the color of her dress too!! There’s a lot of earth & water elements linked to Fee so that color (green to turquoise?) is the most perfect combination of earth and sea, while König is more like fire & air, coming from the mountains and slow to anger but when the fire rises, no one is safe...

This was so lovely, thank you so much! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story 🩷💋

[hana-bobo-finch]

BAM SURPRISE WHEEZER MINI-RAMBLE YIPPEE 🦅🐿️🐿️I DIDNT MEAN TO PUT THE CHIPMUNKS 🦅🦅💥💥💥THATS BETTER

nobody asked for a wheezer ramble but I have wheezer on the mind so you’re getting it anyway!! I’m not going to go through everything I’ve ever written down to find all his lore so this is gonna be a much more barebones summary of him. There’s not much about him anyway tbh. But if I don’t get something about wheezer out there immediately I will explode so. Here ya go

Wheezer is one of the children of the esteemed jørgan clan leader, J.S.. He has a couple of siblings but I can’t exactly discuss them because heh. well. Let’s just say, I have nothing created about them other than the fact that they exist. No names, no lore, no personality, nothing. But they exist!! Wheezer is the second oldest (I think) but gets the most focus in the plot because of his…eccentricities. Wheezer isn’t his original name—his birth name was Miika, a name that was his father's birth name as well. He got his name Wheezer quite early on because of uh. A certain…quirk of his!

He rips out his internal organs! Yeah uh he immediately proved to be the strangest of J.S.’s offspring thanks to that little habit of his. He impulsively removes his own organs. With his bare hands. He puts the organ into jørga(GETS SHOT) how he actually manages to do it without getting himself killed is simple: plot armor. For him it’s as simple of a habit as absentmindedly picking at your face or something. The very first known organ he removed was his appendix and pumpkin daddy had the misfortune of witnessing it and was understandably traumatized 🥰🥰 J.S. was bizarrely nonchalant about it, just telling him to ignore it, so it’s pretty likely this wasn’t the first time wheezer had done something like this. Although it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility that JS was just Way too relaxed about the whole thing but that’s not relevant right now. SO why did that earn him the name Wheezer? Welp one time he ripped out his windpipe and for whatever reason it was replaced with the pipes in a pipe organ. Like this

Which resulted in his breathing (and voice for that matter) sounding strange and wheezy, and occasionally even like the sound of a pipe organ. Is this in any way biologically possible, no. Don’t care though! Wheezer isn’t his chosen name, it’s just a nickname, but he stuck with it so everyone just calls him Wheezer. He has a beautiful singing voice, at least! But yeah he uh. Rips out his internal organs a lot. He is missing a lot of them but he’s FIIIIIINE.

Being born into the jørgan clan meant that he was raised to be pretty patriotic to the clan. He wasn’t to be the one to become the next leader, that role was to go to his much more…better in every way sibling, something which he resented, but he eventually accepted it and was still loyal to his clan for the most part. He was stuck in clan culture from a young age, attending the leaders’ meetings and such. The environment he grew up in was…interesting. He was taught with a hell of a lot of propaganda, and his parents were…unique (His father was a retired volcanologist with a drug addiction and was gifted with becoming a literal god who could control the weather, and his mother was a a demon worshipper who was all gaslight gatekeep girlboss and was basically the head of the family)!! He didn’t just have to put up with the strangeness of his own clan, because WHO IS THAT SHADOWY FIGURE WHO KEEPS BREAKING INTO MY ROOM AT NIGHT oh that’s pumpkin daddy why the fuck is he breaking in at night.

So pumpkin daddy had SO much resentment towards JS (and his wife for that matter but her less so) due to prior incidents, and immediately assumed that their children’s lives must be hell, considering those HORRID CREATURES were their PARENTS. They were actually perfectly competent parents for the most part, but pumpkin daddy didn’t know that, and decided the best course of action would be to…break into their house by crawling through the pipes and giving presents to their children. He also had a weird habit of leaving their shower on and flooding their bathroom like some sort of bizarre Santa Claus. But uh point is, wheezer was often on the receiving end of whatever the hell pumpkin daddy thought he was doing, and would often be gifted with banana bread. Yeah no he wasn’t giving out any useful gifts he was just giving them banana bread. Point is, wheezer had to deal with this almost every week. So suffice to say wheezer had a strange upbringing. But, despite these offerings of banana bread, Wheezer still hated pumpkin daddy due to what his parents taught him. He, in fact, was one of the major supporters of the movement to have him publicly executed. All that banana bread for nothing smh so ungrateful 😔

In his late teens, Sushi took over as the head of the fish clan, and he thought she was COOL AS HELL. a FISH WOMAN? with COOL FLOWY HAIR? incredible. She would often swim around in a giant tank during the meetings he would attend and he was ENAMORED with her graceful swimming. Her personality wasn’t exactly graceful but he thought that was cool as hell too. His passion for the jørgan clan had already been eroding thanks to his inability to become the next leader, and seeing Sushi was essentially the nail in the coffin and he abandoned the jørgan clan altogether. He struck up a friendship with Sushi and ran off with her. He didn’t become an official member of the fish clan, though, he was more so just trying to find his purpose in life outside of any set clan (it’s perfectly possible to not be part of any clan, but it can be difficult as it causes some isolation and loss of opportunities). Despite leaving his clan, his relationship with it and his family remained surprisingly solid, staying in consistent contact with them. The clan was incredibly confidential in its communications, though, perhaps to an absurd degree, and so to avoid any of their interactions being intercepted (especially by sushi, they had positive relations with the fish clan but it was still obvious sushi was young and inexperienced and she had a habit of leaking confidential communications just because she wanted to talk about them) they would often communicate via milk. How do you communicate with milk, you ask? They’d report false missing people reports and have the supposed missing persons’ names be secret messages to be put on the carton—for example, if Wheezer wanted to say something as simple as, I dunno, “hello father what are you doing for Christmas dinner,” he would report a barrage of missing people named “Elle O. Vathir-Wat” “R.U. dooen-four” “Chris mis”. Is it an inconvenient way to communicate? Absolutely. Do they spend an absurd amount of money on milk just to piece together the messages? Absolutely. But they do it anyway. It’s one of the most logistically nonsensical pieces of lore but I love it so much It’s a difficult way to communicate, but it gets the job done, although it makes a lot of people concerned about just how many missing people there are (and has sparked numerous search efforts to get that sweet sweet reward for finding someone. Someone who doesn’t even exist). It certainly boosts milk sales though.

To make ends meet, Wheezer landed a job at a large company ran by the Ramsay clan. This company was the small TBYTF research group pumpkin daddy had founded many years ago, which the Ramsay clan eventually got ownership of and turned into a multimillion dollar company that was being rapidly ran into the ground by Bingo due to his incompetence. It was the same company in name alone, they scarcely researched TBYTF and was now just a shell of its former self. Wheezer had no set position there, as, like I said, the company was being run into the ground and every employee was basically being delegated to whatever task could possibly save the company. So Wheezer did a variety of tasks there, such as gathering confidential clan information, finding and retrieving rare artifacts (this was his main task, as it was believed there were numerous powerful artifacts that were potentially being stolen by jørgan clan affiliates, hence why Wheezer was in particular chosen for this role) and working closely with Bingo as his personal assistant. Bingo had a VERY unprofessional work environment!! I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before but Bingo is just straight up a cannibal and was constantly resisting the urge to eat Wheezer. Like he would actively make little diagrams of how the best way to prepare Wheezer for consumption and would not so subtly sprinkle him with seasonings while they spoke. So yeah bingo was absolutely planning on eating Wheezer!! Yikes!! Wheezer also had to deal with a guy named Biti who was constantly begging for money and doing annoying dances but he doesn’t really matter

On a more positive note, Wheezer and Sushi’s relationship was flourishing. They were very close friends and Sushi would often help Wheezer with his failing writing career (we will get to that soon). Wheezer even gave her his small intestine as a show of love! How…wonderful! They bonded over their undying hatred of pumpkin daddy! They even had a little figurine of him being hanged, which is, in any other context other than a story as unserious as pdbc, Very disturbing if you think about it! They dubbed it “mistlechum” (I actually don’t really remember why it’s called that, I know it’s a combination of mistletoe and chum but idk where the chum part came from…..). But uh oh!!! Sushi was in love with wheezer!!! Oh dear!!! What if we kissed under the mistlechum 👉👈

She invited him to a fish clan owned restaurant and earnestly professed her love for him. But alas!! Wheezer is aroace!! When he told Sushi this she was DEVASTATED. Luckily for sushi though Wheezer was fine with being in a relationship on the receiving end of a ton of sappy affection as long as she was fine with knowing that he didn’t reciprocate any of the romantic stuff (and the sexual stuff but that’s kinda a given because intimate relationships between fish-people and non-fishes is very taboo). We stan healthy communication and boundaries in relationships, love to see it (this is SO rare in pdbc there is an astounding lack of communication for almost every other relationship). So they began dating yippee!!

Now. Onto his semi-failure of a writing career. His true passion in life is writing but, alas, he’s not very good at it. His lack of a writing prowess isn’t even related to the fact that he’s dyslexic, something that runs in the family as J.S. has it too, that’s not the issue—he just is Not good at putting together a coherent narrative. He has numerous notebooks filled with incoherent ideas and plots that go nowhere. Wheezer is generally pretty docile compared to the rest of the jørgan clan, but, as the old saying goes, you can take the Wheezer out of the jørgan clan, but you can’t take the jørgan clan out of the Wheezer. Which basically just means that he needs to CHILL OUT he has a surprisingly short temper and petty side to him. Unlike most he’s able to handle it, but he can be extremely dramatic and violent at times (wheezer noooo stop slamming a table and throwing stuff everywhere you need to RELAX). And that aspect of him comes out a lot when his writing flops. Despite publishing numerous works that went nowhere, even with his inherent shred of fame from being part of the jørgan family, Wheezer did, eventually, manage to find slight success in his work. Not enough for it to be his sole job and certainly not enough to satisfy his ego, but…some amount of success. He has any more misses than hits, though. Wheezer’s most successful works are Gadi, a long form comic (graciously drawn by Sushi, who isn’t exactly the best artist considering she has no fingers, but is still somehow better than Wheezer) about two desert-dwelling guys in a post apocalyptic nuclear war-damaged world trying to scrape out a life for themselves, and a popular yet nonsensical series called The Dark Side Of The Sun. All was well for Wheezer. For a while. He and sushi were happy together, sushi helped him with his writing, Bingo didn’t try to eat Wheezer yet…and then Bert happened.

Bert is pure chaotic evil. I won’t get into him any further for now. He is diabolical. He is a Golem created simply to play cruel pranks. Wheezer’s number one pet peeve is being called resigned, for whatever reason. If you call him resigned he will be beyond enraged. I am NOT resigned I am ASSERTIVE I would NEVER BE RESIGNED HOW DARE YOU I WILL NEVER RESIGN FROM ANYTH—so anyway Bert pulled the ultimate prank (he was doing a series of pranks for a radio show) and submitted a fake resignation letter to Bingo. Bingo readily accepted it without any proof of it being real, and let Wheezer go. Wheezer was HYSTERICAL. he didn’t necessarily love his job but it was the only job he had, and he wanted to keep it more than anything. He was upset to the point that he stormed into the company building and vandalized it, writing indescribable words on the walls in his own blood (how he started bleeding in the first place, who knows? Probably ripped out another organ) and eventually crashed into Bingo’s office and began smashing all his stuff. I’m sure this won’t go wrong at all!

Yeah so turns out, one of the possessions that remained in Bingo’s office from the early days of the company back when pumpkin daddy owned it, was a painting that leads you to the alcoves like how you enter levels in super mario 64. Whoops!!! Entering the alcoves by mistake is basically a death wish!! To his surprise he wasn’t met with immediate danger, he kinda just stumbled in on pumpkin daddy and Gourdie hanging around and talking like normal people. But of course the panic set in and instead of explaining what happened he ran off to who knows where in the alcoves into a room filled with a ton of dangers. Basically like a huge obstacle course that you could probably get out safely from if you weren’t in a state of panic which, unfortunately, Wheezer was. Wheezer crashed around in there almost getting himself killed for hours on end until he managed to get himself to safety. He was too stunned and physically drained to get himself together and leave the alcoves entirely, however, so he stuck around and hung around with pumpkin daddy until he was ready to leave. Doing that was a HORRIBLE mistake, not because pumpkin daddy did anything heinous to him (well. Aside from not trying to help Wheezer when he was flailing around getting himself hurt and instead just sitting back to watch) but quite the opposite. Pumpkin daddy just kinda awkwardly comforted Wheezer (probably DESPERATELY waiting for him to leave because Wheezer basically just crashed into his living room) and helped Wheezer out with some of his problems, such as giving him simple writing advice and some spelling lessons. Turns out the number one way to impress wheezer is by tutoring him in spelling because he ended up becoming absolutely enamored with pumpkin daddy and saw him in a whole new light. He was no longer the enemy, no longer some weird pumpkin freak who should be executed, no—he was WONDERFUL he was a HERO he is the LEADER WE DESERVE. Most chalked his sudden change of heart up to apparent “post-alcoves shock”, but nobody can really say for sure why Wheezer did a complete 180. Whatever the reason, Wheezer has what many call fincheuss (pronounced fawn-shway)—a portmanteau of finch and issues. So it basically just means that you have issues pertaining to pumpkin daddy 🥰��� which Wheezer definitely did 🥰 Wheezer was a CHANGED MAN post-alcoves. He developed a strange habit of eating milk-soaked bread at the turn of midnight and being overall just…different. He and Sushi continued their relationship without a hitch despite their highly differing views on pumpkin daddy so good for them I guess!!

Bear with me here bc this part of the story is a bit undercooked (heartbreaking) but, as tensions began to escalate on the island, Wheezer joined a small group known as the mischief flock (sigh…like I said this part is so painfully undercooked but I love the mischief flock so much I just wish I knew what their deal actually was lmao). The mischief flock started off as a group that was trying to figure out ways to deescalate everything, but the members had such differing views that it ended up just being a friend group of people who…weren’t really friends. BUT WHATEVER wheezer for the most part simply attempted to convince the others in the group that “nooooo we can’t kill pumpkin daddy he’s so awesome :(“ he didn’t really convince anyone (unsurprisingly) yet somehow managed to get on Gourdie’s bad side?? For whatever the reason the two of them just could NOT get along despite both of them sharing the same mindset. Whilst in the mischief flock, Wheezer was the victim of yet another hilarious “prank”, in which someone, though not Gourdie surprisingly, hired a hit man on him. Not a hit man sent to kill him, a hit man sent to crawl in his ear and cause immense damage that deafened him. It’s worth mentioning that the hit man was a bug so that’s how he managed to squeeze in there. Despite Gourdie’s disliking of Wheezer she did have a sliver of sympathy and gave him a basket of baby snakes called Squiggle Snakes. And the squiggle snakes immediately became Wheezer’s friend! And made themselves at home! In the back of his eye sockets! Yeah wheezer can NOT catch a break when it comes to body horror. Somehow he wasn’t blinded by this. On the topic of Wheezer having an absolutely horrible time, turns out he’s allergic to Kurt’s famous moisturizer, so he couldn’t even get hugged by Kurt without having an allergic reaction 😔 heartbreaking

And, speaking of which, then Kurt fucking died. Yeah Wheezer actually predicted this would happen—he had a dream in which Kurt died, although he didn’t think it would actually happen considering Wheezer is no stranger to nightmares. But as it turns out, dreams CAN come true because sushi killed Kurt!!! Whoops!! This was beyond unforgivable to Wheezer, as he was a friend of Kurt, and immediately broke up with sushi without a second thought. Sushi was devastated at this break up and so did the only logical thing to do: dealing with her emotions like a normal healthy person and NAH I’M JUST KIDDING SHE TRIED TO KILL WHEEZER, TOO!! Wheezer, as you could probably guess, did not get killed and managed to escape the wrath of the angry fish woman who would benefit greatly from proper therapy. That wasn’t the end of things though, because while he was already trying to deal with Kurt’s death, trying to help avoid war, and trying to deal with Everything else going on, Sushi started sending Wheezer countless gifts and other miscellaneous trinkets in an attempt to win him back. This didn’t work, obviously, and Wheezer’s life continued spiraling out of control. Alas. However, on the bright side, the mystical FaceTime duck chose him as his new owner after Kurt’s death! FaceTime duck even granted Wheezer healing, fixing his seemingly irreparable hearing loss brought upon by that hit man (hit bug?). But uh. It is worth noting that he Immediately lost his hearing again because Gourdie got pissed with him and she proceeded to chase him around with a megaphone, screaming in his ear until he went deaf again. Look ok you gotta remember that almost everyone in pdbc is a HORRIBLE person. I love them all dearly but they are utterly despicable I gotta be honest lmao

So!!! Wheezer, being an important clan member (despite technically no longer being part of his clan) attended the negotiations. He didn’t actually play much of an important role there, however—if anything he just made things worse. First of all, Fina goes NUTS around wheezer. Not really in a good way, or a bad way. Fina’s strange enough as is but wheezer, with his organ-like voice and being the child of a god…it’s like giving a sleep deprived chimpanzee cocaine. Or giving a demon a bath in holy water? I dunno why those’re the best analogies I can come up with but point is Wheezer’s mere existence short circuits her brain. So it’s quite likely Wheezer being there led to Fina’s especially bad behavior at the negotiations.

And secondly, he screwed things up by creating an eldritch horror! Gourdie gave him very specific instructions for a task he was supposed to complete with some recovered artifacts, but wheezer completely ignored her (some say he simply couldn’t hear her because, well, she did deafen him after all, but given Wheezer’s overall personality it’s just as likely he knew full well what she wanted him to do and purposely ignored it) and promptly used the artifact’s powers to create a horrific suitcase creature named bowser. No relation to the Mario character. Bowser is a disgusting creature that I won’t get into too much for the sake of time, but he’s covered in zippers and such and can unzip his skin. He also spits gasoline and then lights things on fire. Enough about bowser though. He and Gourdie got into a huge fight over this incident, leading to a physical brawl that everyone else in attendance found very entertaining. Gourdie won, but that’s to be expected considering she’s a retired boxer. Wheezer got the absolute shit knocked out of him.

Somehow that fight of theirs was actually a good thing for wheezer, as Sushi ended up helping him out afterwards by patching him up a bit and giving him something to drink. Which, I mean, certainly doesn’t excuse everything she did, but it was at least a sign that she was TRYING to improve and that her little fishy-heart was in the right place. And, uh oh, you know what time it is!!! It’s that time where I reach the part where the story is CRIMINALLY UNDERCOOKED!! YIIIIKES ALRIGHT so Wheezer is actually pretty important during this part which makes it even worse that it’s all a big mess. To put it as simply as I can, he was the one who stopped fina from straight up murdering pumpkin daddy. LUCKILY wheezer actually has a bit of a role in the final stretch of the story so his story doesn’t abruptly start, yippee

Wheezer didn’t immediately get back together with sushi, as one could imagine. Sushi ended up turning herself in for the murder of Kurt (SHOCKING) (WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE DO THAT) (THE LEGAL SYSTEM IN PDBC IS INCREDIBLY FUCKED SO SOMEONE ACTUALLY HAVING CONSEQUENCES FOR THEIR ACTIONS IS ASTOUNDING) and Wheezer just kinda. awkwardly continued his writing career as if nothing happened. And tried to avoid the fame that came with the whole Gourdie fight incident (people were demanding he make some sort of scripted fighting show but he was just like “nooo I want to write about desert-dwelling boyfriends :(“) J.S. also might’ve kinda thrown himself in a volcano soooooo wheezer also had to deal with the ramifications of thaaaaaaaatttt. He stayed in touch with sushi while she was in the stock market (if you don’t remember the prison system on Fincg island is more so just a stretch of land where criminals are sent, it’s called the stock market) and together they decided their next business venture would be to create a giant indoor sanctuary for the non-humans (fish people, bug people, also there are other species that were quickly evolving to human intelligence) so that they could have a place more suitable for their environmental needs, called the Snowflake (named after it’s snowflake-like design). To fund this however they both had to land more lucrative jobs, so wheezer went out and got a nice, wholesome job NAH I’M JUST KIDDING he started embezzling money from his now-defunct clan. But it got the job done and he managed to not only start building the Snowflake, but he also bought a nice house for him and sushi. Bowser burned the house down though so yikes no nice house for them

AND FINALLY he and sushi got married, mostly for the financial and legal benefits. Their wedding was for the most part pleasant, although Gourdie did Not appreciate the fact that he and sushi decided that they would kiss under the mistlechum. She didn’t care that kissing underneath a crude effigy of her presumed-dead husband was “romantic” or “a symbol of our first date” or whatever. But yeah sushi and wheezer got married and lived happily ever after?? I guess??? Good for him for being one of the only characters who aren’t miserable by the end???

SO YEAH that’s a brief summary of Wheezer, yippee, here’s random trivia:

He’s an organ donor. Pretty unsurprising, you gotta do SOMETHING with those organs you rip out

His dear friend, a deer, was killed by chronic wasting disease. He visits his grave often

He has razor sharp collarbones. Not exaggerating they are Painfully sharp and they make him look very strange

He was once “gifted” a pair of gloves from pumpkin daddy. Pumpkin daddy demanded he throw the gloves into a volcano because he believed they were haunted but wheezer, as per usual, disobeyed instructions and kept the gloves for himself

He’s one of the few who can see when people are drawings. “What does this mean” WELL YOU SEE some people are just straight up Not Real and are literally drawings but almost everyone’s under a shared hallucination that they’re a real person. Those who can see the truth are often outcast and seen as crazy when really it’s quite the opposite. It’s uh. Difficult to explain

THAT’S ALL BYE

[alfgifu]

analysing my own fic: the navel, the gaze, and the wanging on about it

So.

I used to be fairly active online in fandom-adjacent spaces but almost entirely as a lurker. I was still following various tumblr accounts through a feed-reader, but had otherwise kind of switched off for a decade or two. I spent more time online in other places, discussing religion and politics mostly, and hadn’t really done much for myself or for fun.

I kept writing, both at work and in my spare time. I got better at explaining things concisely and persuasively. I spent hours over drafts of novels that I knew were shit, partly because I wanted to improve but partly because [black hole of self-sabotage due to stress of undiagnosed autism].

In the autumn of 2022 I was doing what I imagine a lot of us did that year - getting my head around life adjustments after the acute phase of the pandemic. The trauma, the impact on my spouse and kids, the impact on my job. Jobs, I should say, because I had whirled through a lot of them in the previous couple of years and ended up somewhere I couldn’t have predicted and wouldn’t necessarily have wanted to land.

It was by chance that I found and enjoyed Victoria Goddard’s writing that year, when I was unsettled and reaching around for things to try. There was a link to a fan-run discord community in the afterword of At the Feet of the Sun and I was curious enough to check it out. I had been disengaging from social media for a while - algorithmic feeds drive me up the wall - but there seemed no harm in finding a new place to lurk.

I hadn’t realised that new arrivals are actively welcomed in discord servers. I also hadn’t realised how easy it is to join a voice channel by accident while you’re trying to figure yourself out. Two interactions with friendly people - enough to lower the internal friction to posting something else. And something else after that.

And I had been thinking, hadn’t I, that I might want to write some fanfiction? Twenty years of reading and not writing… It was surely my turn. It would be good practice, a chance to test myself on sharing fiction in public.

Perhaps, I thought, one or two people will read it. Perhaps I’ll get some feedback.

Welp.

I hadn’t allowed for how welcoming and supportive the community would be. I hadn’t realised how hungry a tiny fandom is for new content. I hadn’t known how addictive any kind of validation about my writing would prove.

Anyway my fingers slipped and

So that happened.

In November it’ll be two years since I joined the fandom; in December, two years since I first posted a fic chapter to AO3. It seems like a good time to take stock.

My writing pace has dropped like a brick in the past six months due to other life stressors, which has kiboshed both fanfic and the ambition to finish another original novel this year (and with it the hope to maybe, this time, writing something less shit and more shareable).

This month I’ve mostly been drawing Inktober doodles instead of writing. I hope to recover a bit that way. The other life events continue but unlike earlier this year the stresses seem likely to end in a good place - eventually! - and when things are less full-on I have to believe that the urge and capacity to write fiction will recover.

For now, having blown the dust off this tumblr, I’m going to do some processing by taking a look here at the various things I’ve written and contributed to over the past two years. I’m planning to reflect on how and why they came about, on what worked and what didn’t, and on what I learned from writing them.

[tribade-veneration]

I’m that anon from the wwtichscum blog (I know it’s late because i only came across her very aggressive and empty response just now)

To answer your “where’s this lesbian utopia do you live in?” question, welp the question is the answer itself

I don’t live in an lesbian utopia and I don’t have to live in one to be… actually lesbian

My family *is* religious and extremely conservative, but even then they can’t change me so can you blame me for thinking a bihet woman who gets gangbanged on the daily then suddenly decides she’s a lesbian is not… in fact a lesbian? Is it that wrong to believe actual lesbians exist?

I can't prove you're the same anon, and I don't fully believe you are, but I'll act as if it's the case.

Firstly, speak about women in a less sexualized way than "gangbanged on the daily". Your brain is porn-rotten. That's gross and very embarrassing for you. It makes me not even want to continue answering this because what's the point if you're probably not even going to listen because you're dealing with internalized misogyny that makes you think women always enjoy the sex they seek out? But I'm going to try anyway.

When lesbians talk about lesbians who have sex with men before (or even after) realizing that they're lesbians... We aren't referring to women who are happily, enthusiastically having sex they enjoy with men they're attracted to, getting bored of it and saying "Well that shit's boring now, I'm a lesbian". Obviously that's not a lesbian. If you'd taken the time to recover your brain from all the horrible shit you've been taught by your conservative family before saying horrible shit yourself, you might be aware that women enthusiastically enjoying all the sex they have - even if deliberately sought out - is a patriarchal myth. Even straight women routinely force themselves through shitty sex. It's kind of a major part of rape culture.

Women are raised, from infancy, to believe that we are objects of service. I'm sure you know that, growing up in a conservative family. This extends to sexual service.

That mixed with heteronormativity can make it hard for women to even know they're lesbians. We grow up surrounded by women who force themselves through bad sex with gross men. We grow up surrounded by women who hate their husbands, who nervously laugh and fail to give a clear answer when asked what they find attractive about men. We grow up with mothers who say, when the father isn't around, that men are stupid and disgusting. And sure, there's also plenty of women who are very happy to say exactly what they find hot in a guy, but if those women who are just forcing themselves through it are straight, then as a young lesbian it's easy to not realize that *your* disgust towards men is different.

Some of us grow up raped, a lot, on a regular basis, starting as a baby, which can definitely impact perception of sexual orientation. Some of us go through corrective rape. Some of us are explicitly told while being assaulted by men that we need to learn to like men. I'm one of those lesbians. While I never ended up having sex with men by my own volition, I did think I was bisexual for a long time because of my experiences, and once or twice sought out sex from male friends (which they declined, thankfully). I sought this out as a form of self harm. I *thought* I was attracted to them but no, I was not. I was just confused about what attraction even was. And I wanted to experience the suffering I associated with sex with men and with watching porn, which I did a lot of at the time, because as any self harmer knows, pain can be very addictive.

Had those male friends of mine said yes, I'd be branded a fake lesbian by the likes of you... For retraumatizing myself? For not understanding what attraction even is and mistakening a response of arousal from thinking of rape (which is exceedingly common in rape victims) as being attraction to men? Seems pretty ridiculous to me.

Enough of me, however. I like lists. Here's a list of reasons a lesbian might seek out sex with men. Some of these apply to me (I don't seek out sex with men but the feelings of wanting to do so sometimes remain), some don't.

- She doesn't know she's a lesbian yet and thinks it's normal to push yourself through unwanted sex with men (because it is, sadly, the norm).

- She's been through conversion therapy, corrective rape, etc. and is training herself to tolerate men as part of her conversion efforts.

- She lives in a culture where arranged marriage is common and, knowing she's likely going to be married off to a man soon, seeks out sex to train herself to tolerate it.

- She is prostituted and seeks out "normal" sexual experiences because she's upset by always having a price tag.

- She knows she hates it, she knows she's a lesbian, and she is specifically seeking out to be put through sex she hates as a severe form of self harm.

- She is aroused by rape due to sexual trauma and confuses that for sexual attraction.

- She knows she's a lesbian but is trying to learn to tolerate rape/sex she despises because she feels it's an inevitability she'll be raped again and hopes she can get used to it.

- She depends on the men she's having sex with; anything from small stuff such as occasional gifts consisting of things she can't afford, to relying on those men for food, housing, and transportation.

- She doesn't know homosexuality is a thing and thinks *every* woman is attracted to women and finds men unappealing, but certainly some day that that biological urge to reproduce will kick in, and she's just a late bloomer.

There's obviously more but these are a few examples.

Maybe you haven't dealt with any of this. But you're not every lesbian, are you?

Every lesbian has a different life. The only thing that makes a lesbian is sexual attraction to only other women. Actions - including sex with men - have nothing to do with it, or wouldn't that imply conversion therapy works?

I hope your brain gets well soon.

[nytb]

You know I used to believe it’s easy to not be addicted to some things, welp that’s a lie. I honestly don’t remember when I started getting addicted to reading your works, I think it was around a year ago. I wasn’t even a WoSo Fan but honest to god when i stumbled upon one of your works, I easily got hooked. I remember reading every single one of them on one night, and honestly i wasn’t that knowledgeable about tumblr even when I had it on my phone for a long time so i didn’t know what masterlist was, so I really had to scroll a long time till I reached the bottom of your page and read from there😂 but anyways the thing is, I fkin love you and all your works, so please continue on with your amazing work. I kinda blame you for this addiction but honestly I’m not complaining, you introduced me to WoSo and football world im gonna be honest with you, I didn’t even know a single thing about football a year ago but you changed that, you don’t even know how much you changed my world. Thanks a lot. Love you lots!❤️🫶🏼🥰

Hope you continue to have an amazing night or morning or afternoon wherever you are around the world, thank you for being an amazing person <3

I had a tiny little rant about how cute and lovely this was cuz DAMN i want to hug u right now❤️

also pls tell me that u are a culé. like yes i love that u got into football after reading my stuff but also - if i did make you a culé it would be even sweater for me cuz WOW the power that writing has😳

hopefully i made it easier to browse my page cuz back then - i was a noob in many aspects😂 but again, this was so fucking cute of a message🫶

love u, have some forehead kisses😚😚 and u are welcome to my inbox/messages anytime

and have a great day/afternoon/night, fuck make that week, month.. a year actually🫶❤️

[silly420princess]

She hopes I’m cursed forever!!!

To sleep on a twin sized mattress,

In somebody’s attic or basement, my whole life.

Never graduating up in size to add another.

And my nightmares will have nightmares, every night.

Oh every night, every night!!!

Welp… she basically threw out my dad’s tree. She moved it out to the curb and someone took it. I even went by to grab it one night. It wasn’t there. She knew how much that tree meant to me. Her dad is dead too. How could she?

Then she texted my mother and twisted the truth. My mom said she sounds like she is addicted to the drama and has never truly left high school.

I’m so sad to know that she would go this far. Putting nails into her coffin when it comes to the death of our friendship.

How do I pick up these pieces? I don’t think I can. I moved across the country to be closer to her. Now I don’t have her at all.

At least I took this picture of his tree covered in snow on Christmas Eve… 💔

[hearsayhorizons]

Thinktober 2024 2: Tree

There are no guarantees where the House’s doors are concerned, but dryads hold many of the keys. Perhaps they make the safest stewards because they are barred from entry (and therefore addiction or obsession) by their very natures: they will survive within the House, but a tree whose dryad leaves it behind does not survive. And then, after she leaves or is kicked from the house, welp.

The player characters are all looking for the House, for whatever their own purposes might be. That’s a basic premise of the campaign: they know I want to give them a base. They know they need to work for it.

The doors aren’t purposefully difficult to find, but it’s a big multiverse out there—and there are other creatures at play; this includes a dark lord who fears that the few souled individuals left in Barovia may use the doors as escapes. Who might be employing people to create “threshounds” (a modified displacer beast template) solely meant to destroy these doors, wherever they might be.

Including by tearing a dryad and her tree to pieces. True Peace (following a convention I have mentioned previously for fae or dryads) cries out for help; the elf ranger, gnome bard, and fairy rogue are close enough (or connected to fae enough) to hear or feel the pain. They either go to help or get attacked by threshounds themselves, depending on their reaction time. The threshounds have already trashed the tree; branches that hung heavy with fruit and promise are now crashed and wrecked. The sickly-sweet smell of burst fruit hangs heavily in the air.

These early versions of threshounds are... psionic impressions. Which means they are difficult to damage—maybe blurry, or flickery?--but also that they can’t report back to Strahd or their creator about any foes or locations. The original threshounds are one-use... items, that don’t survive a teleport or trip between dimensions. Telephobic?

One thing I’m worried about is giving my level 4 D&D 5.0/5 characters an enemy they have trouble beating. But I like the idea of the dryad’s dimension door or the core of the tree being a trap, of the elf’s misty step functioning as damage to the thing if done nearby. I can always intervene or reward some quick thinking; the elf ranger’s player is our usual DM and he is wicked fast on his feet.

The players assist True Peace. She is perhaps dying, or severely weakened. She never had a key to the House, but an ally might—regardless, she asks a favor of them in exchange for a small boon. (that might be the ability to detect doors better via having some of the fruit?). Go to her friend who is a full day’s travel away. Give them some pollen to deliver—there's a LDR between dryads and the characters are assisting in dryad survival. Gonna have to work to make that not creepy because I have issues with improv.

Stuff may happen on the march; probably not more threshounds, but maybe natural creatures stirred up, blink dogs gone berserk, actual displacer beasts? Dunno, gotta see what happens.

The ally is another dryad, a weeping willow who is as much a water nymph as a treeple. She is withered and not doing well; the waters of her river run black with ash and have for some time. Ordinarily her river would be a gate to a town, but not like this. I don’t want just fetch quests and travel so that might be tweaked. She knows for a fact that an ancient dryad named Haven who lives in harmony with the town that lies upriver has a key to the House.

Players get to the town, and it is just an ash pile. Like that scene in Mulan as they crest the hill. Nothing moves, nothing breathes—until, as they investigate, ash zombies begin to claw their way free of the earth. Horses, men, dogs, things that look like centaurs but are really just the skeletons of men adhered to their horses.

The dryad goes by Ruination now. Her betrayal by the townsfolk (probably over the door to the House) led to a war that decimated everything. There is a door to the House at the center of her grove even now, but it’s a boss fight to get there.

There is an alternative to murdering her, and there’s probably more methods I have not thought of, but—the House is a place of rest and healing. Ordinarily you HAVE to leave after three days, but those employed by the House are exempt for the span of their stay. Going through the door kills her tree, of course, but Rue’s tree had pretty much already died and that might have been a huge amount of her pain. That might be an interesting way to lay out stuff for the characters, having them run into Rue during their first three days.

I feel like there’s some poetry if the players discover that, in the fires of the war between dryad and town, some of the seeds have opened. Hmm.

[olivereactsaboutgarbage]

Higurashi When They Cry - Watanagashi Chapter 8

Time for the first of my four remaining daily posts this year!

When last we left our heroes, I think Toddler 01 was dead or something. I’m not sure because I’ve been in an eldritch coma for the last 7 and a half months.

Right now, Keiichi’s mom is telling him that he probably couldn’t sleep because he was excited. Actually, Keiichi’s big secret is that he was scared instead.

He’s high, Rena.

Mion is Missing! Wow, I was so right to put off reading this chapter for over half a year. What’s the point, if Mion is Missing!? Keiichi agrees, so he wants to will Mion into not being Missing! This actually works. Wow, Keiichi is actually the best character. If Higurashi didn’t have Mion in it, there’d be no point, so there’d be no point if Keiichi wasn’t in it.

Rena feels Mion’s forehead and Mion accuses Rena of having Cold Hands Disease. So true, Mion.

“14-year-olds are older than 13-year-olds, so 14-year-olds aren’t stupid” is such 13-year-old logic. Or however old these little fuckers are. It’s not like I’ve been keeping track.

Anyway, Keiichi gets assaulted and blames Toddler 01, but Toddler 01 reminds him that she couldn’t have done it because she died last chapter. So he blames his teacher instead. The one with pronouns. She says that he needs a beautiful face to match her beautiful pronouns.

Wow, Mion is just like L from Death Note. I think. I haven’t watched it.

That’s awesome! I love bits! I didn’t know Mion was a comedian.

She demonstrates her bit, which is just pantomiming alcoholism. Don’t quit your day job, Mion.

She also asks Keiichi whether or not the events of Chapter 7 occurred, and gets mad when he gets cagey. To be frank, I would be cagey too, since that was 7  and a half months ago. I’m on Keiichi’s side here, better not to make definitive statements about something you might not remember that well.

Um, no, Keiichi, your neck’s just hot. Lay off the illicit substances.

Even Rena could tell you’d done drugs.

Wait, has Toddler 02 always worn suspenders? Am I being Affected by Mandela?

Rena racks up some more Rena Points by belittling Toddler 01′s corpse. She also racks up some Detective Points by saying Mion and Keiichi clearly have the same disease. That’s right, Rena...! Call Keiichi out before he becomes a drug addict!

Keiichi is almost about to have a library scene, but then he abruptly has a telephone scene instead. Shion ensues.

god keiichi have a modicum of tact mayhaps

Anyway, it turns out that Shion and Mion aren’t even roommates.

foreshadowing for umineko

Keiichi is abruptly having a library scene instead of a telephone scene. Shion is ensuing.

Aww Keiichi don’t be that way, Shion is being Based for once in her miserable life.

The Successor

See, I knew Mion was incredibly special and great.

Also, it turns out the Sonozakis are the entirety of capitalism.

OOISHI JUMPSCARE

What? I thought Shion and Ooishi were bitter rivals... was that all in my head? Am I secretly too Keiichicore for my own good?

Shion unsues. That’s the opposite of ensuing.

Ooishi says that the Sonozakis are “yakuza, and also something else, wink wink, welp anyways goodbye”. Thanks Ooishi.

Keiichi decides to defend Mion’s honor. He really is the best character.

Even Ooishi knows Keiichi is going down a dark path of substance abuse...!

Keiichi is the only one who doesn’t know about it. How embarrassing for Keiichi. I wonder if there’s an even darker secret hidden behind this dark plot point.

OH MY GOD!!! Ooishi is a mecha being piloted by Mion! And Keiichi is trapped in a time loop!

OH GOD!!! He’s too huge! He’s going to bite Keiichi 87 times! And here I thought Mion would know better.

Keiichi is Based for this one. Just like Shion just now.

In fact, Shion probably wasn’t even in the room with us earlier.”

SILK HAT! CLOAK! WHITE ROSES!

Keiichi goes deaf and doesn’t notice it’s time for Ooishi to leave. “Oh, and one more thing,” Ooishi says. “I saw you do it.” Mion must have been watching Columbo. I guess that’s where she learned how to act like L from Death Note. I think. I haven’t watched Columbo either.

coup collab symbolism

I mean, um, sorry. Ignore the fact that I said something which doesn’t make any sense just now.

Ah, there’s a double-meaning here. Keiichi is going to spend this entire arc thinking Keiichi is the culprit! So quick Keiichi is to forget the entire scene earlier in this arc dedicated to how Keiichi isn’t the culprit.

Keiichi “uhhhhh mayyyybeeeee i mean uhhhhh who’s to say for sure y’know”

“It’s bad to ask questions. That’s why I’m going to ask a question.”

Shion finally reminds everyone that Camera and his girlfriend are the People Who Die In Higurashi. But wait, this time one of them was on fire and neither of them had vanished? Epic fail. They died all wrong this time. Shabby work hiding Camera’s girlfriend’s burned body, Culprit. You did better last time.

Oh, she also barely counted as wearing clothing. Well, that’s nice I guess.

Shion thinks this is actually a double feature where she and Keiichi will both be the ones who disappear. But if Keiichi just got cursed normally, who would be the bizarre outlier to make this year even more murderous than normal? I guess Toddler 01 could do it since she’s a zombie this time around.

Also, Hinamizawa has an anti-journalism field. How convenient for fiction writers. It’s like Blake Snyder said in Save the Cat! (I became cultured over the break period): “All stories, no matter what they’re about, should include an anti-journalism field. However, if they also include something else supernatural, that would be Double Mumbo Jumbo and bad writing, so Oyashiro’s curse needs to be a hoax.” Simply by the existence of a tragically doomed cat, this level of reasoning is possible for Olivia von Flamiel.

Anyways Keiichi blows up at Shion so she hangs up on him

don’t worry man it wasn’t as bad as last time

Keiichi gets a call from someone who’s not voice acted. Ah, so this is the Schrodinger’s Important Phone Call I forgot to mention his parents were waiting for: They were going to get a call from the living embodiment of sex. The embodiment of sex owns an old man, also. Kinky. Unless it’s Santa.

Meanwhile, in Side Story Land...

Oh, the embodiment of sex was actually also the embodiment of mayorhood. This is just like that collab I mentioned earlier and told everyone to forget about.

Oh, the embodiment of sex didn’t even embody sex at all. He was just pretending. He also didn’t embody mayorhood.

Also, the Mayor is Missing! Mion is aware of this. If Shion was aware of this, maybe Shion would have realized that Keiichi wasn’t going to go missing. Only Shion will go Missing!

Hmm... is Mion enacting a clever scheme? Like L from Death Note?

Well, I guess I’ll never know because I’m never going to watch Death Note. Just like how I’m never going to read One Piece. Goodbye everyone.

[nightengale82]

#HealingMessyMommy #9

Awakening. Healing. Transformation.

These have been the reoccurring themes in my life over the last few months, and I am so grateful to have been able to get to the other side of this whole “Dark night of the soul” business. I know it will take me some time to acclimate, process, integrate… and fully step into my authentic being, into my true power: my Divine Feminine.

There is a major problem today… Within our society, within our American ideals, within this insane narrative that is being forced down our throats: and we have been so programmed and conditioned to be “inclusive” and so “woke” that no one is talking about it.

I consider myself a “Die-Hard Feminist”

Now… that’s obviously not an official term or an ideology, it’s just how I like to describe myself; because I am a free thinker, I two have daughters I would kill for and die to protect… and I’ve studied Women’s History, so I’m educated in the topic.

Wake up, people!

Whatever you people are calling Feminism today- is NOT helping us.

It’s hurting us.

People are ignorant, blind to the harm it’s causing our youth, and the next generation.

I will be the first to admit, when the LBGTQ issue became a feminist issue… I didn’t see a problem. I personally don’t have anything against a marginalized community joining our cause, and was sold the idea that LBGTQ issues- are human rights issues.

Welp. I was wrong.

That was before trans people wanted to compete and dominate in women’s collegiate sports.

Fucking mind blowing that the people “in charge” would allow this to happen.

Or that Caitlyn Jenner would be named “Woman of the Year” by fucking God Damned People Magazine.

I’m sorry, but NO. That isn’t feminism. It adds insult to injury and the media isn’t going to gaslight me into believing that trans people have the same experience, I do- as a woman. Big, fat NO.

The last thing I will say about this topic is how horrifying it is that they push it on these teenagers at the absolute most vulnerable times in their lives. Statistically, many trans people who undergo the sex change surgery are suicidal at around 5 years after their transformations. How does this fix the problem?

This is not Feminism! You’re not going to convince me it is! Has everyone lost their fucking minds?! Wayyyy off topic!!

REMINDER!! The definition of the word Feminism is:

The advocacy of women’s equal: political, social, and economic rights to men.

And so because of all this trans business: that the media wants you to believe is the new “feminism”

We can’t even talk about the real areas that need to be addressed within the women’s movement today.

It’s a distraction to keep us divided, confused, and afraid. And I for one, am not going to stand for it any longer.

Here’s the thing guys. Your new “Feminism” is destroying the nuclear families across the United States. Think about it for a moment. I won’t even bother collecting the statistics to prove my point:

THE PERSONAL IS POLITICAL

Modern day dating

Children growing up in broken homes

Little girls having no example of healthy relationships

Boys having to learn how to be men from their mothers

The rise in alcoholism and addiction

The rise in mental health crisis in both sexes

This entire society is stuck in fight or flight mode in our relationships with the opposite sex because we are acting like there’s not a problem, and we haven’t admitted our childhood trauma affects our adult relationships. And now, we are dragging our children into it, and passing down unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors to them.

We are in denial of what is happening… until it comes into your home, and shows up in the people you love the most. And then we all gotta act like we are fucking okay? We’re just going to ignore the elephant in the proverbial room? In 2023?

NOPE.

Absolutely the fuck not.

We’re fucking better than this. We have to start talking about it.

This is not the legacy that I will be leaving to my girls.

Welcome back y’all, to

Healing Messy Mommy

Because Healing is Messy… and today, I GET to.

Stay tuned.

#BetterNotBitter #HealingMessyMommy #Gratitude #Abundance #AscendedFeminism #SelfLove #DivineFeminine #AwakenedMasculine #DivineCounterpart #SpiritualAwakening

[daniellemmgg]

I’m boutta rant for a bit becuase I need to get things off my chest and it’s not like many people are gonna read this, so whatever

I’ve been feeling kinda set aside for a while (it’s not a new feeling, but I’m usually to busy to notice)

I try to engage with people but they always seem more interested in doing other things I don’t like that much (which is completely fine) with other people (which is also fine) 

this usually doesn’t bother me much at all, I know people are entitled to spend their time however they want, but I don’t have many friends and end up spending long periods of time on my own, which sucks when I’ve spent pretty much 9 consecutive months working with barely any chances to socialize

well, if that were all it would be nothing new, it’d still suck but it’d be a bearable amount of suckyness HOWEVER there’s something that’s really bugging me

a little backstory first. I really really like the diablo saga, diablo 2 was one of the very first games I’ve ever played and still think it’s a great game and I’ve sunk countless hours into diablo 3 (it’s got an addicting game loop, don’t judge me). I always wanted to play with friends, so I showed it to my 2 irl friends I’ve known for the longest time. One played at my house but never really got the game whilst the other did get the game and played it a while with me but dropped it by act 2

“no biggie,” I thought, “they just aren’t that into the game, that’s fine”

welp, diablo 4 released a few days ago, and for a few years now I’ve actively avoided anything blizzard because I loathe them as a company, so, despite loving the franchise, I chose to not purchase the game and vocalize my motives among my friends for my decissions

my friends however have decided this is the perfect time to get into diablo and have beens spending the last few days on call, together, playing diablo 4

hell there’s been new people coming into private discord servers seemingly just to play diablo 4

and I know I sound like a little bitch complaining about how her friends are having fun, but being attention depraved hurts and seeing people choosing to socialize over something you’ve tried to socialize with them before that you’ve left behind for ethical reasons is just rubbing salt in the wound

I’m doing so bad I’m missing toxic relationships just because at least someone kept me company

tl;dr: I’m sad people are leaving me aside to play a game from a franchise I love but choose not to play because it’s made by a shitty company

[heavensentblasphemy]

Ok. I’m freaking..maybe. Maybe this is just like the fuck it’s. I called out from work to catch up on school assignments and clean my room. I don’t know how my clean laundry got all over the floor but I look I guess gorgeous cute outfit and heels like a actual girl and it’s still not good enough. I wish I would go out into the work like this lol I’d be like one of the girls from clueless. But nobody does that anymore like you don’t play dress up and do whatever you want and have a cute ass room anymore. You’re not allowed to. That’s why I had to go to the program. Now I have a job and go to school and basically don’t even use my money to shop or anything. I think I just depressed and goodwill and school are not enough. Like school and work and designing all that was suppose to be fun ..I don’t even smoke my dope put of bad ads bongs and snap clouds anymore. I am a lame ugly boring nothing basically a drug addict now…I went to rehab and got off parole to be a drug addict. Welp. God bless 🤘

[kittyisaddicted]

Stages

Somewhere this year I just gave up. No, I gave in. Gave in to the irresistible sponge that is my endorphin and serotonin seeking bubbly thing of a brain. My return to tumblr was a hell ride from start to now, and I enjoyed every bit of a sick second of it. 

Going through new and still ongoing shows with you all made me realise that my personal deal with media addiction comes in stages–just like grief, in a way. So bare with me for the 7 stages of (my) media addiction. 

Stage 1

The encounter. Gifs, scenes, little snippets from fics. The inacurate quotes kind of thing that makes me go “This might be interesting”. Going into the tags, a short google search (because tumblr search, you know, … sucks), the like. Finally googling: Where to watch …. And maybe having the luck to not need another streaming service grave for my earnings or a VPN to enjoy another mind and heart soaking piece of fiction. 

Stage 2

The beginning. Episode 1, the story unfolds. I’m chill. Watching episode 2. Seeing scenes I already know because of, you know, tumblr. All seems normal so far. Until I binge episode 3, 4 and 5 and stay up late for episode 6 and maybe get late to wor…

Stage 3

The pull. Or: the binge. If I’m lucky, there’s only one season so far. Or *only* 3 (though no one of us was lucky to have only 3 seasons of Malec Shadowhunters Malec). If there’s more, then welp, because life is now circling around watching episode after episode like earth circles the sky, no hostage taken, every spare second is dedicated to w a t c h i n g! Also, every second of the day is about thinking and every night is dreaming about it. I’m all in. 

Stage 4 

The high noon of addiction. Watching episodes alone is not enough anymore. I rewatch. I re-rewatch scenes on YouTube. I celebrate fan videos there also. My serotonin is up and running, i’m basically high all the time. I heavily search tumblr for meta, for gifs, for meta gifs. My brain and my heart are full, no space for anything else. Working is hard, living a normal life even harder. I’m constantly on my devices, consuming everything I can find, feeling both happy so many creators already did an amazing job and sad about possibly missing out something important, pure FOMO ensues. On the outside I try to seem normal, on the inside I’m craving MORE. MORE. MORE. 

Stage 5

The crawling. Now. Comes the phase where I not only unconsciously know but fully realise that there are actors behind those amazing scenes. That there where a lot of people putting a lot of work into this so it turns out as amazing at it is. And because I never get enough, I dive into their accounts, the meta about them and their relationships, the conventions, the interview snippets, the behind the scenes, the bloopers, there is. so. much. to. see. and. read!!! I am living in an alternate universe basically, borders between reality and fiction fade, the soundtrack is on heavy rotation, I quote both the show and the actors without having any mutuals in real life who know what I am talking about. 

Stage 6

The assimilation. I wake up from a fever dream. Life get’s easier again. As the whole show and cast live now rent free in my head, I can start to shift my interest from the original to the fan made bits and peaces, aka the fan fiction–canon, noncanon, doesn’t matter as long as the writing is in character and I get to know them better through the eyes of talented authors. The tags have a special place on the shelves of my well curated tumblr and ao3 lists (because you know, #The Serotonin is stored in the Ao3) and at least five of my brain cells have another content than my latest blorbo. 

Stage 7 

The retreat. My brain leaves me space for new things. I can concentrate again on other things beside them™, like, well, working, cooking, sleeping, you name it. My sweeties have a special place in my heart from now on, and I will always willingly come back to them for comfort. But right now, the urge to follow everything about them, to dedicate everything I have to them, is gone or, better, just a silent thought in the back of my head.