#but up til then he was a famous detective and friend of Miles who was close enough to be invited on this retreat
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fred-the-dinosaur · 2 years ago
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loving the glass onion posting but I'm really sick of the 'birdie Jay stops flirting with blanc because wearing sweatpants makes you 'fruity'' or whatever post. because:
a. bit sick of the idea that we're still perpetuating homophobic and toxic masculinity principles in this day and age, at least amongst ourselves. straight people clocking gay men for wearing a 'girly' sweatpant company feels threatening, not really like a cute queer in-joke. especially given the current climate.
b. I don't think birdie Jay WOULD stop flirting with a gay man. I bet she's the kind of woman who likes to put her hands ALL OVER her hot gay friends at the club because 'is fine you're GAY and I'm a WOMAN and it's impossible to sexually harrass a MAN right?'
c. THAT'S NOT THE REASON. she doesn't make sweatpants for her friends to wear. she makes sweatpants to profiteer off the pandemic and lockdown. blanc saying he wears sweetie pants tells her he's not a disruptor. he's not in her class. he's a MARK.
THAT is why he's off the flirting menu.
(Also this is exactly blanc's game. we know he's doing this. he's TRYING to look hokum and naive. he's trying to make them underestimate him and distract from Helen being a fish out of water too. pity this little bit worked on you too.)
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sestra-inestro · 5 years ago
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Just A Really Big Mistake (1/?)
Jane the Virgin!AU 
Pairings: Detective!Steve Rogers x Fem!reader (June is not an OC), Hotel Owner!Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff
Summary: What happens when you accidentally fall pregnant with your boss’s baby, but you’re a virgin?  
Warnings: Swearing, cheating, accidental insemination, mention of smut. 
A/N: You can thank @whatcouldgowrong-ohthat​ for the brilliant idea. I hope this is at least something you hoped for! This was also eight pages long and not even half of the first episode. 
Masterlist 
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Ever since you were a young girl, Pepper had taught you about keeping your purity and innocence. You had been the product of a unplanned pregnancy after your mother and father had sex. Now your father wasn’t around anymore and Aunt May felt horrible and took you in as her own. She told June that you dad was a military man. A military man who obviously couldn’t be around to be a dad. But alas, every year a man in a uniform would come to the house and speak with Pepper and May. A dark skinned military man who you painted to be your father in your head. You knew him as the name on his uniform , Col. J, Rhodes. You always watched from the window as he spoke with Pepper and May, never speaking or interacting, always just watching him walk to the house and walk away again. You grew up thinking that he never wanted to see or speak to you, that he regretted having you as a daughter.
Pepper had drilled it into you mind since you got your period. Keep yourself pure, do not damage that sweet white flower that you was blessed with. Sweetly, meaning don’t do the bullshit that your father did if he can’t handle being a father.
-
“Look at the flower, June.” Pepper stood in front of 11 year old you, who looked up at her with a small flower in your tiny palm. 
“Pep, is this necessary?” May asked from where she sat on the bed, watching them. 
“Shush, how else is she going to learn?” Pepper dismisses May, who rolls her eyes. 
“Yeah, shush May.” You glared at the woman before looking up at Pepper. 
“See the flower, so pretty and un-withered?” Pepper asked. 
You looked down at the flower in you hand. You notices it’s small delicacy and pure white petals. 
“Now scrunch it up in your fist.” Pepper told you. 
You looked up at Pepper shocked. Your eyebrows frowned in confusion by Pepper only raised her brow and nodded. 
You glanced at May with concern before looking back down at the flower, scrunching it in your hand with all your might. You squeezed its petals in your hand before releasing it, the flower falling back into place, all bunched up and brown at the tips. 
“You see it crumple? Does it still look new?” Pepper asked the girl. 
You shook your head. “No.” 
“That’s what happens when you lose your virginity.
If you’re not careful, you will crumple and be like that flower.”
-
That idea scared you to death. You couldn’t imagine falling pregnant and not being able to look after the baby. You could barely look after yourself. The image of the white flower of purity crumpling brown flooded your mind every time you made out with someone. And now, was no different. 
Steve hovered above you on your bed. Lips connected and his legs between yours. Your lips moved in sync as Steve’s hands ran up and down your waist, feeling over your clothed skin and practically begging for more. You hum in his mouth at his touch and Steve moves his kisses across your jaw and down your neck. 
You wrap your arm around his neck, feeling his lips against your skin. 
“We should...” You trail off at his movements.
“I know.” He mumbles against your skin. 
You moaned as he pushing his hips against yours. You feel your body run hot against his. You open your eyes to see the white ceiling of your bedroom. The paint of your roof reminding you of those white petals. The brown withering petals crept into your mind. 
“Okay!” You yell out, your body going stiff and your hands push Steve away from you. “We should stop.” 
Steve stops all movement and sits back against his thighs, breathing heavily. 
You pull yourself up to sit, also breathing heavily. 
You both looked at each other, clothing rumpled and hair askew. 
You took a deep breath and gave Steve a smile. “Phew.”
Steve chuckles at your discombobulated self. 
“No matter how frustrated I get, I can never be mad at you.” Steve said softly, buttoning up his shirt again. 
“And that’s why I love you.” You leaned forward to press another quick kiss on his lips. 
Steve always understood that you didn’t want to have sex until you were married. He knew your fear of unwanted pregnancy, even though he called it over the top, he understood and waited. 
You walked him to the front door to give him a proper goodbye. You sweetly kiss just outside your door, cupping his cheeks. 
You pull back and give him a smile. “Don’t forget this.” You lifted his detective badge in your hand. 
He smiles back as his hand closes around the badge to take it. 
“Thanks for stopping by.” You gave him another kiss. 
“No problem.” He pecked your lips again. “I will see you tomorrow at dinner?” 
“I wouldn’t miss it.” 
You let him go as he walked to his car and waved as he drove away. 
That man had caught your heart the minute you saw him at her front door. Even if it was to report to a noise complaint on your birthday. 
You smiled to yourself and skipped your way back into the house where May was seated on the couch. The theme music of the show she put on could be heard from outside. 
“Jeez, you couldn’t turn that down?” You asked as you leapt over the back of the couch to sit next to her. 
“Nope, just shush and eat your grilled cheese.” She handed you a plate with two grilled cheeses on it. Peter emerged from his room and sat on the other side of you, taking a slice of your grilled cheese. 
You all watched as the screen faded into light, showing the main character played by the famous TV star, Tony Stark. May always watched his shows. 
“Do we have to watch this?” Peter complained. 
“Yes we do.” You and May said at the same time. 
“She’s got me hooked on this stuff. You’ll like it.” You told Peter, but instead of agreeing, he groaned and got back up to trudge to his room. You shrugged and got comfortable next to May to watch the horrible but addictive romance show. 
Only 8.2 miles away from where you lived, and 2 hours later, James Buchanan Barnes stood on the balcony of his hotel overlooking all of the open pool area as it got ready to open. He was very stressed about owning this one and began to doubt himself as he took in the setting. 
“Buck, babe?” His wife’s voice rang from behind him. 
He cringed on the inside before turning around to face her. 
“What’s wrong?” Natasha asked him. 
He shook his head. “Nothing. Just...thinking.” He gave her a tight lipped smile. 
He fiddled with his hands as she stepped forward. 
“You’re worrying about the hotel.” She said, knowingly. 
Bucky sighed to himself. No matter how trapped he felt, they still had a connection that he had found with no one else. And in a way, he owed her. 
“You know, you worry too much about what other people think of your accomplishments. You think you do too little so you try to overdo it.” Nat said on a soft voice as she slowly wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his chest and looking up at him with her green eyes. Her velvet red hair blew in the wind and Bucky thinks about how he first fell in love with her. It only happened twice. 
Bucky’s chest rumbles as he chuckles at her words. 
“You just need to relax.” Her voice changes from soft to seductive and her fingers trail over his belt and unbuttons his pants. Bucky watches her as she slowly sinks to her knees, taking the belt and his pants with her.
Bucky leans back against the railing as he feels her hands pull him out of his restraints and slowly rubs him til he hardens and take him in her mouth. He leans back and looks at the sky, just letting himself think of anyone but her, wrapping her lips around his member. 
-
Downstairs in the women’s changing and storage rooms, you were getting ready to meet the new manager of staff. But your friend Wanda was hell-bent on pursuing a conversation you were uncomfortable with. 
“I’m telling you, he’s gonna propose.” Wanda pointed out from the locker next to you. 
“No he’s not.” You told her once again. “He knows my timeline and I haven’t even gotten my teachers degree yet-“ 
“You guys have been dating for two years!” She cut you off. “And you still haven’t boned. He doesn’t give a shit about the timeline anymore.” 
You went to say something say something back to her when the door opened and a man with a big grin walks in. 
“Ladies! Everybody decent?” He asks with a big smirk, disregarding the fact he’s already in the change rooms. 
“Who are you?” Wanda asked, crossing her arms. 
“I’m Sam Wilson, part of the new management team of this hotel and, well, I guess your new boss.” He said, smiling widely at his words. 
You frown at his enthusiastic behaviour at those words. In his hand is a bunch of red straws he holds out to everyone. 
“Pick a straw please? Anyone one is good and it doesn’t matter what straw as long as you are spectacular at your job.” You walked around to all the girls who took a straw from him. “It benefits us all which should be good because we all have the same goal. And that goal is...” he offers one to you with a wink. “To make bank.” He stepped back and observes everyone. “Alright, lets see those straws.” 
Everyone lifts up their straws, and without failure, yours is the shortest. 
Sam walks back up to you with his same grin. “What’s your name?”
“June.” You say quietly. 
“But everyone calls her Jaz.” Wanda butts in. 
You glare at her as Sam smirks at you. “Well, Jaz. You’re gonna be a great tail.” 
You frown at his words. 
-
You soon find out what he means as you lay, gracefully over a plastic clamshell in the hotel pool with a mermaid tail attached to your lower body. Everyone comes up to you, offering their empty glasses and you fill them up. 
“This is bullshit.” You murmur but a co-worker who is in the pool next to you frowns. 
“What do you mean?” He asks, as if he is also wearing the tail. 
You slowly turn your head to glare at him and he shuts his mouth, stating quiet. 
You go back to staring into space, hating the position you were in. You certainly did draw the short straw. 
Bucky sits on one of He circular couches next to Becca. 
“Buck, if you’re not happy, end it.” She says simply. 
“But she stood by me.” He says, running his hands over his face. 
“I know, but that doesn’t mean you owe her your whole life.” Becca says a-matter-of-factly. “You changed, of course you did. The whole cancer thing is going to change you and now she’s dangling it over your head. If it’s this toxic then just leave. It’s not going to make you our father if you do.” 
Bucky sighs because he knows she’s right. He lets Natasha hold the cancer situation over his head and now he’s stuck. 
“I know. Thank you.” He turns his head and looks at his sister. “Now go home to your wife.” 
Becca smiles at him. “I will.” She stands up with him. “Try to enjoy your party.” 
“I will.” They hugged before she made her way out of the party. 
What they both didn’t know was that Natasha sat behind them on the other side of the circular lounge, her head against the back as she listened to their conversation. She knew their marriage was stale but she knew she couldn’t leave yet. If she was going to be divorced she was going to be walking out of that courtroom with 10 million to her name. Thank god for prenuptial agreement. 
Bucky walked towards a waitress who held empty champagne glasses on a tray, a few people stopped him to shake his hand and he made his way over to her to take one, then she pointed him over to you, who still sat miserable on the clamshell. 
You lifted your head to see his figure walking towards you and a rush of anxiety filled you. Before you could think, you rolled your body off the clam and threw the bottle into the pool. 
Bucky frowned and stopped at the splash, watching you kick your way to the other side of the pool. The bizarre action made him turn back to the waitress who also frowned and led him to where a fresh bottle was sitting on ice. 
You ripped the bottom of your tail open so your feet could poke out before getting out of the pool. 
Wanda caught you getting out of the pool and approached you. “Um, what the hell?” 
You lifted yourself out of the pool and moved the wet hair from your face. 
“Do you remember a guy named James Barnes? He worked at the yacht club, he was like a member?” You asked her. 
She raised an eyebrow and put her free hand on her hip. “The jerk You had a major crush on five years ago?” She questioned you. 
“I didn’t have a major crush on him.” You said. 
Wanda scoffed before continuing to walk, you shuffled alongside her in your mermaid costume. 
“Are we talking about the same guy?” Wanda places her tray onto the bar bench for more glasses. “You had a magical kiss-“ 
“I was young, it meant nothing.” You said fast. 
“What meant nothing?” For, another co-worker butted in. 
“I need someone to run champagne to the pool ASAP.” The bartender addressed everyone. 
You rolled your eyes but took it as an opportunity to get yourself out of the hole you just dug with Wanda and Dot. 
“I got it.” You reached out for the bottles. You took them from his hands and quickly shuffled away to the small tent nearby the pool. 
You really thought you would never see him again. And yet you wondered how the hell he managed to be staying at the same hotel that you were working at. 
You began filling the champagne glasses as your mind ran over the reasons why he would be at the opening party. 
People were filling the tent and you felt a presence behind you. 
“I’ll hand out glasses.” He suggests. His voice sends shivers down your spine. You give him a small nod before going back to pouring. 
Bucky looks down at you, curious to know where he has seen you before. 
“You look familiar.” He tries to say in the most polite way he can. 
“Really? Not sure.” You shake your head in denial. 
“No, I really think we’ve met before.” He pushes. 
You stop for a second and pull your lips into a tight smile. “I’m not usually wearing clamshells.” You give him a small laugh and shift on your feet.
Bucky frowns for a second before gasping in realisation. “Oh, the strip club on Birk Street.” 
You whip your head around to look at him in horror. “Jerk.” You say in disgust. 
Bucky is shocked again at your sudden anger. Okay he was definitely wrong. He went to apologise when he heard Natasha’s voice over the speakers. “Can I have everyone’s attention? I would like to make a toast.”  
You both turn to face her and she raises a glass in your direction. “To my husband. For already making this hotel great.” 
Everyone clapped but you gaped in shock. 
He was the new hotel owner. And you just insulted him. 
Natasha came over to Bucky to pull him down into a hard kiss.
As he was distracted, you slipped out of the tent and headed back to the change rooms. You believe it’s time for you to go home. 
-
Becca moves through her front door, quietly closing it behind her, knowing her wife was asleep. She kicked off her heels in the living room before making her way down the hall to her bedroom. But a sound slowed her down, the sound of moaning was coming from her bedroom. 
The door was open ajar and light shone through into the hallway. Becca pushed open the door to see her wife’s legs entangled with another woman’s. Dread literally overcame her and her wife’s head popped up from the bed at the squeak of the door. 
“Oh god, Becca.” 
-
You finally settled into your bed. May lay next to you, it’s one of those nights again. 
Your phone buzzed from your nightstand and you picked it up to see Steve had messaged you. You looked at the time. It’s 4:23am. 
You back?
You smiled. Yep, In bed. 
Phone sex?
You scoffed and lightly laughed. 
May’s sleeping in here tonight. 
Soundly?
You softly laugh at him again. 
Ew. So...I called the new hotel owner a jerk tonight. 
WHAT? Why? 
Long story.
Get some sleep. You have to be up in 3 hours. Doctors apt at 9 and a class at 12.
You frowned at how he knew your schedule. 
Finally enjoying our conjoined calendar. 
You smiled at him. He did still know your timeline. 
Love you. 
You too. 
With that you finally put down your phone and turned the lamp off, drifting to sleep. 
It felt like only a minute since you fell asleep that your alarm woke you up. 
You groaned and pushed your face off the pillow, getting up to get ready for the day. 
-
Becca tried to console herself in the work bathroom before heading outside. The pain was still very much panging in her chest since she’s woken up. Looking in the mirror, she saw how much of a mess she was. 
Hating her life and needing to work was going to break her but she would fight against it. 
She rubbed at her eyes and splashed water in her face to try and make herself look better. 
She huffed, giving up before exiting the bathroom and heading into the doctors hallway. 
A nurse approached her almost immediately. “Dr. Alver, there you are. You are running a little behind. 
Hearing the nurse mention the name she had taken in marriage almost broke her again. The stress of today was already weighing on her. 
“Yes I know, rough start to the day.” 
“Yes, well as you should know you’re filling in for Dr. Peters today. You have an insemination in room seven and a pap in room eight.” The nurse handed Becca over the tools as Becca’s phone rang. Blindly, Becca collected the tools and picked up her phone in the other hand, seeing her wife’s name on the calling screen. 
“Doctor, did you hear me?” The nurse asked. 
“Yes, I did. An insemination and a pap. Thank you.” Becca said dismissing the nurse and turning away from her to answer the call. 
Her wife’s voice flooded her ears. 
“Becca, please. I’m so sorry, she didn’t mean anything! I’m a screwed up person, I don’t even car-“ Becca hung up the phone as her voice became too much for her to handle anymore. 
Trying to compose herself again, Becca walks straight into room eight. 
“Ms Parker, how are you. Are you ready for you’re insemination?” Becca asked, not looking up from your file as she enters the room.
The door closing woke you up from your nap on the examination chair. 
“Oh, I’m so sorry.“ Becca apologises as she sees you startled. 
“No, that’s fine. Sorry I’m a little tired.” You say, noticing that the doctor is a little flustered. “Yes, I am ready.” 
You smile at her. 
“Okay good.” 
“I thought I had an appointment with Dr Peters?” You asked. 
“Oh yes. I’ll be filling in for her while she’s on her...honeymoon.” You noticed her get a bit spacey as she said that. But she was quickly shaken out of it. “I’m Dr Alver.”
“Are you okay?” You asked as she took a seat in front of your spread legs. 
“Oh yeah I’m fine. I’m just going through some personal problems.” Becca tried to give you her best smile. 
Becca reaches to put on the gloves. “Did you bring anyone with you?” She tried to distract herself. 
“Here?” You frown. “No, just me.” 
“Oh you’re doing it alone. Good for you.” You could tell she was trying hard not to break down again. “It’s probably easiest that way.” She tried hard but the tears pushed through her eyes again. 
“Dr Alver, we can do his another time of you want to?” You asked her, a little concerned. 
“No, no I’m okay.” Becca pulls herself together and grabs the insemination tool. 
“Are you sure? Because I can come back later if it’s better- Oh okay, you’re already doing it.” You grasps the sides of the bed as you feel the tool enter you. 
“No it’s not fair one you. Because you’d have to wait a whole month and it’s just a waste of your time.” Becca smiles at you reassuringly and finishes the insemination. 
She slowly pulls the tool out and puts it on the tray. “And you’re all done!” 
You look down. “That’s it?” 
“That’s it.” Becca nods taking off her gloves. “You should get your results in two weeks.” She smiles at you before collecting her forms. “You have a good day, Ms Parker.”
“You try to as well, Dr. Alver.” You smile at her as you let your legs down, feeling glad your first pap was over. 
Becca walks across from room eight and into room seven. 
“Hello, Ms-“ Becca looks up to see Natasha sitting in the examination chair. “I didn’t know that you were coming.”
“I had the nurse unfreeze Bucky’s sperm.” Nat’s words fell onto Becca’s ears as a curse. “That’s why I didn’t tell you, you guys are so close I didn’t want to put you in an awkward position.” 
Becca goes through the appointments she has this morning in her head. An insemination and a pap. Here Natasha is, talking about her brothers sperm after she just inseminated you. 
Her body feels weak as she puts the horrible reality together in her brain and her heart beats hard and fast out of fear. 
“Look, if you don’t do it, someone else will. And I know from the internet that you can’t refreeze the sperm, so...unless you want the sperm to die.” Nat’s threats push more dread through Becca’s body. 
She just fucking inseminated the wrong woman. With her brothers sperm
Let me know if you liked it!
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crazynekochan · 5 years ago
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Omegaverse Fantasy AU: There are two kingdoms, one far more prosperous than the other, but the less prosperous kingdom has an skilled army, and a climate & terrain that would make any sort of military campaign pure misery (like if you combined Russia in the winter with the Vietnamese jungle) so they keep the peace by consistent trade for magical resources and technological components that the less prosperous kingdom can’t really use that much but the more prosperous one desperately needs if they want their very advanced magic-tech to keep running.
In the less prosperous kingdom, Mechana, omegas are not very well respected and seen mostly as wanton hussies that need to be controlled lest they shame their families, excepting some border towns. Heck, in more rural and poorer towns, having only an omega child is seen as a sign of weakness on their sire’s part (it’s not true, but this is superstition; stuff is never true). Quite unfortunately for Kazuichi and Mikan, as they both live in those sorts of rural towns and their families take out their frustrations on them.
In the more prosperous kingdom, Novoselic, omegas are pretty much the ideal mates and even common-born omegas can rise to the level of nobility through marriage. To abuse an omega is seen as a great disgrace, especially with the quite low omega birth rate making them very valuable as martial assets (though the omega has final say in who they marry, since they’re going to be stuck with their mate til death do they part). Some nobles are even willing to pay top dollar for the chance to mate an omega.
Seeing a golden opportunity to make some money (pranks and housing get expensive and half the organization was dirt poor before they joined), Kokichi and his organization DICE (which actually does have 10,000 members) create a business to bring omegas over from Mechana to Novoselic and arrange their marriages to high-ranking and/or wealthy sires, with the omegas getting full say in who they meet with and eventually mate, of course. No one’s quite sure if this is considered human trafficking, since the omegas are willingly going, but no one’s gotten arrested for it yet so it’s not against DICE rules.
The DICE agents in Mechana make habits of going into the regions where omegas are more likely to be treated poorly and they ask around about which families have omega children that they want to get rid of. When they find families willing to give up their omega children, they trade the kids for a hefty chunk of gold (which is a hunk of copper with some gold dust on it, of course) and then leave town when the omega is ready to leave (in the case of some highly abused omegas, right after the ‘gold’ changes hands). That the families most often suffer quite unfortunate “accidents” after the DICE agents are at least a couple miles away is a complete coincidence, they swear.
When the DICE agents (for this trip, Miu, Kaede, and Kaito, though they’re technically volunteers) come to Kazuichi’s village, Mr. Souda quickly volunteers Kazuichi up in exchange for the “gold”. Kaz would protest but defying his father rarely ends well and this is an opportunity to get away from his father and a village that has never treated well in his entire life, so he packs up his meager things and climbs onto the DICE covered wagon.
They head out and arrive in the nearby town where Mikan lives, while Kazuichi is lying on his side in the back of the wagon in pure misery from motion sickness, while Kaede is busy trying to use her healing music to help him fix it, if not stop him from barfing all over the back of the wagon (they have another town after this, then they have to get through the border and the smell stays in the wagon, no matter how much you clean).
Mikan comes aboard, very meek and shy, and quickly give Kaz some healing herbs that, while he’s still a bit dizzy, fixes his nausea. And when Kaz thanks her, she starts crying since no one had ever been that nice to her, much to the worry of everyone else in the wagon (Miu wishes she made the “accident” befalling the Tsumikis bigger, just for that).
Finally, they get to the last town on this trip, which is actually quite well off compared to the other towns in the region, the kind of town that Kazuichi and Mikan would define as a small city (it’s closer to a mid-size town, really). Miu is staying with the cart this time and is actually getting to know Mikan pretty well and has gotten on with Kazuichi like a house on fire. They’re in the middle of messing around with a test engine, with Mikan providing worried commentary, when they hear a massive argument approaching them from the town square entrance. 
They turn and see that Kaito and Kaede are in the middle of a quite nasty yelling match with an alpha male with long dark hair and blood red eyes, while a brunette omega male is pulling on the mystery alpha’s sleeve to keep him from actually punching Kaito. As all the omegas are quite easily terrified, they hide and watch the argument by peering around the wagon cover hole.
The alpha is Izuru, who is very much against his brother going off with some shady alpha and beta woman to have god knows what happen to him. Hajime wasn’t really sold so much as he volunteered, since their family was greatly in debt and they very much needed the money they would get from DICE (Kaito and Kaede gave them actual gold after hearing their story), which Izuru vocally opposed all the way from their home to the square, where the argument has reached a boiling point. 
Izuru notices Miu, Mikan, and Kazuichi peering at them from the cart (and they immediately go back into hiding because scary angry alpha) and gets angrier, convinced that this is actually an omega trafficking scheme (and it technically is, they haven’t worked out the whole “is this legal” thing yet). Because they’re causing a scene and this might actually turn into a fight, Kaede speaks up and suggests that Izuru come with Hajime as an escort, since that would prove that this isn’t a trafficking scheme (what idiot traffickers would bring the highly overprotective alpha brother of one of the omegas they’re trying to traffic, after all?). Hajime agrees to get Izuru to calm down, which makes Izuru reluctantly agree, giving threatening glances to Kaede and Kaito all while wishing their parents goodbye and getting in the wagon. 
Kaz, Mikan, and Miu all scoot as far away from Izuru as they can in the (not very roomy) wagon, but Hajime is much more personable and by the time they reach the border checkpoint, they’ve all become friends. They get let through the checkpoint relatively quickly and, after another day’s worth of travel (by which point the herbs that Mikan gave Kazuichi have all run out and worn off, so now Kaz is suffering from motion sickness again), they all arrive at the DICE Matchmaking Service HQ (which looks a lot like a love hotel, something that makes Izuru distinctly unhappy).
They finally disembark and are greeted at the front by part-timers Komaru and Aoi, who usher them to the rooms that they’ll be staying in while the matchmaking process goes on. When the group has gotten settled, they have dinner and meet with Shuichi and Kyoko (who are the part of the screening process for the agency) after. They meet individually, with each omega telling the two detectives what they want in a partner (Mikan apologizing and crying all the while) and the two detectives note their reactions, special traits, and personalities to better check for compatibility. 
When their meetings are done, the detectives wish the newcomers good night and head to Kokichi’s office with their findings. After giving Kokichi the basic rundown of each omega’s personality and appearance, Kokichi turns to his big board of sires and planned matches, looking extensively over it until he places some cautious pins and string connecting Kazuichi to Gundham (the princess’s best friend and the court animal trainer/sorcerer), Mikan to Ibuki and Chiaki (Ibuki (alpha, sorry) is a very famous bard and Chiaki is one of the most prominent gamers/mages in the continent, looking for a third in their relationship), and Hajime to Nagito (Grand Duke and the king’s nephew on his mother’s side). After looking over the connections, Kokichi tells Kyoko to tell Gundham, Ibuki, and Nagito in the morning that they’ve got a match.
Kazuichi and Mikan have never been in housing this nice or had food that good, so they’re really happy but scared about what the future may bring. Hajime and Izuru, who are still pretty cautious about this whole enterprise but needs to put on a brave face for Kaz and Mikan, who are much more nervous, act pretty happy too but when Kaz and Mikan are asleep, they have a quiet discussion about what would happen if this turns out to be a terrible idea. Izuru swears to protect Hajime before he gets hurt, they hug and then head to sleep, a bit worried and already preparing ways to escape with all of them alive and intact in case this goes sour.
(AN: And that’s where I’m ending it because good god, I need to sleep. I’ll probably send more asks about this Matchmaker AU, but this initial set is way too long for an ask chain. Please leave some feedback!)
Mod: I am so in love with this. I actually read this one a few times over the last few weeks. Though I always go “poor baby” when I read it, because I feel so bad for them all ;-;
Anyway, that is a very awesome idea and sadly the first time I saw it in such a way. I saw many prompts and fics with such omega matchmaking services, but they never were voluntary on the omega’s side. So it’s such a wonderful change to see one where it’s all about rescuing omegas from their bad homes and letting all the say in their hands
Kokichi would be so boss at his job at finding the perfect match, since he is after all a very analytical person and deeply caring, even if he never really shows it. But by god he would have the time of his life making the omegas’ shitty families miserable for mistreating their children for their dynamic (What would make it even more badass if we added in my personal HC that Kokichi would also be an omega, but that is of course up to you) Also great call to have Kyoko and Shuichi do background checks on everyone who comes into the matchmaking service to make sure that everyone is safe
Truth to be told, I could actually see Sonia funding DICE’s projects since she does have a high sense for justice. And also because her best friend and cousin are after all also trying to find a match through the service
I loved how you put in Izuru and why Hajime decided to go there. It fits them both well, and the thought of Nagito later on trying to court Hajime while Izuru is literally giving him death stares since he doesn’t trust him for a moment is funny as hell. Btw. there is no need to feel sorry for having a character have a dynamic that isn’t my personal HC. This is your story and I’m not some dictator who decides on headcanons ^^ So in short, feel free to change things up as much as you like ♥
I wonder how the courting of all the characters would look like, considering the background of how they met and especially their characters. I could imagine Nagito not feeling like he is actually deserving of someone like Hajime, while Izuru is as mentioned giving him constant death glares. Gundham is seriously questioning just what in god’s name made him sign up at the matchmaking service when he gets the note that they found a match, which he really doesn’t believe, until he meets Kazuichi and his brain just deep fries. While Mikan would probably hit it right off with Ibuki and Chiaki, however her trauma would be the biggest problem in their case
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indecisivepsyche · 2 years ago
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#actually it probably also tells her that he 'lives in his' meaning he's locking down in the pandemic #rather than partying it up with yo yo ma and wearing lace face masks #but up til then he was a famous detective and friend of Miles who was close enough to be invited on this retreat #the sweatpants line shatters that illusion
[tags via OP]
loving the glass onion posting but I'm really sick of the 'birdie Jay stops flirting with blanc because wearing sweatpants makes you 'fruity'' or whatever post. because:
a. bit sick of the idea that we're still perpetuating homophobic and toxic masculinity principles in this day and age, at least amongst ourselves. straight people clocking gay men for wearing a 'girly' sweatpant company feels threatening, not really like a cute queer in-joke. especially given the current climate.
b. I don't think birdie Jay WOULD stop flirting with a gay man. I bet she's the kind of woman who likes to put her hands ALL OVER her hot gay friends at the club because 'is fine you're GAY and I'm a WOMAN and it's impossible to sexually harrass a MAN right?'
c. THAT'S NOT THE REASON. she doesn't make sweatpants for her friends to wear. she makes sweatpants to profiteer off the pandemic and lockdown. blanc saying he wears sweetie pants tells her he's not a disruptor. he's not in her class. he's a MARK.
THAT is why he's off the flirting menu.
(Also this is exactly blanc's game. we know he's doing this. he's TRYING to look hokum and naive. he's trying to make them underestimate him and distract from Helen being a fish out of water too. pity this little bit worked on you too.)
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