#but ultimately he will choose joy again. and that joy is being with chris in la with their whole extended family

[birthmarkbuckley]

ok but the only way this storyline could realistically end is by eddie and chris choosing TOGETHER (and it must be together I really do think so) the joy of going back to their home in LA. and to the family that they have made for themselves there.

[sortasirius]

"Confessions" and the Beginning

Hello fellow clowns, genuinely fucking unbelievable episode amiright?

FIRST OF ALL, welcome back Bobby's hot priest, missed u bitch.

I really did miss just like regular calls last season, it's nice just to have a random silly one to start an episode.

GIRL I MISS CHRIS AS MUCH AS EDDIE DOES RELEASE HIM FROM HELENA DIAZ'S CLUTCHES!!!!

This man is going through the most insane confessions of his life. First Bobby saying he's a murderer and now Eddie saying that his son caught him with his dead mother like give this man a break lmao.

"I don't deserve forgiveness, I gotta go."

And this is the beginning of Eddie's thesis: what he deserves. More importantly, what he thinks he deserves.

Buck is literally like the most awkward man alive. He has zero game I love him sm.

Bitch. ABBY???? FUCKING ABBY?????? SHE IS BUCK'S SHANNON, CONSTANTLY HAUNTING THE NARRATIVE.

"I wonder how many men she turned gay" Maddie is Abby's number 1 hater (besides Eddie lmao)

"Unless there's another boy" JOSH PLEASE!!!!!

The Glee reference Tim Minear you will pay for your crimes lmao

It's interesting that he didn't even seem to consider taking the next step with Tommy until Josh brought it up. Also really interesting how he ends up framing their conversation later, like it's more of an "honoring Tommy" thing than a "I really want to move in with you" thing. Now this could just be awkward scripting or awkward (no game) Buck, but I think it's worth mentioning.

I just love Chim and Maddie so much they are my true north always.

Eddie's tank top? Yeah make that an everyday look for him good lord.

"I'm straight" YEAH SURE JAN WHATEVER YOU FUCKING SAY.

He's punishing himself by not choosing the juice because he doesn't think he deserves it, because he doesn't think he's allowed to take it... He is the obstacle in his own joy. What is that joy? What is he standing in his own way of?

"Because the LAFD doesn't allow beards."

"So it's a disguise?"

"Something like that."

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!! HELLO?????

"What are you afraid of seeing when you look in the mirror?"

"A failure. Someone that doesn't deserve forgiveness. Or joy."

I'm literally beating my fists on the ground. It's textbook. Fucking textbook. He's hiding from himself, hiding himself from himself, hiding from his joy.

Nothing like 911 to give you the most insane gutwrenching side plot of all time when I tell you I was SOBBING over those two brothers. (To be fair it's been an extremely hard week).

"I'm the himbo" HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!

Look let me just get this out of the way: I really loved bucktommy. I liked their dynamic and I liked what he was able to teach Buck about himself, but I think Tommy is ultimately right: he can see the writing on the wall, just in the same way he said "my attention?" in 7x04. He was Buck's first queer relationship, but he will not be his last. And I think Tommy has an idea who his last will be, even if he kept that part to himself.

I do think it was kind of an insane speedrun at the end there, I'm not sure why he couldn't just ask Buck to pump the brakes instead of fully breaking up with him.

It's also just a complete manifestation of Buck's greatest fear: abandonment. Abandoned by his parents, abandoned (through no fault of her own) by Maddie, abandoned by Abby, by Taylor, and now by Tommy. It sucks for him, and I hate it for him and for Tommy, who also doesn't seem to think he can have good things, and would rather beat Buck to the punch than actually take the risk and be vulnerable.

I think that this was a good learning experience for them both, and I think they'll both be better for it in the long run.

"I'll see you around, Buck" killed my ass.

MADNEY BABY MADNEY BABY MADNEY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And lastly, Eddie shaving off the mustache, his barrier from joy, and dancing around his house in his underwear. Finding the joy in being himself, finding the joy in his life again. And Buck knocking on the door, not asking any questions, and them sitting together on the couch, shoulder to shoulder each of their respective "barriers" gone.

They have some things to figure out, but we are so close that I can taste it, I can feel it.

I haven't felt this way since the last season of SPN, and while that didn't turn out the way I wanted (due to network and Robert Singer's meddling), I am confident that that is not where we're heading here. Tim Minear is back. The show is on the Shonda network. Buck is out and Eddie is on his way there. Gay Eddie. Buddie endgame. It's happening, and nothing will get me out of this clown car.

[starkjoy]

Let's talk Episode 5x02.

Buck and Eddie's heart-to-heart confirmed two of our suspicions: first, Ana caused his panic attacks, not the shooting.

Second, Eddie's definitely not in love with Ana.

On its own, that sounds innocent enough—they've dated for months, yes, but Eddie's suffered tremendously in love and life, so progressing slowly is understandable. That's enough to warrant a breakup itself, so why would the writers add fuel to the fire with panic attacks?

Mom, wife, or both, the mere mention of Ana becoming a permanent fixture in Eddie's family induces a life-threatening visceral response. This isn't just a case of incompatibility, or not being ready to move on. It's a physical, mental, and emotional crisis.

More analysis under the cut:

As many have speculated, there may be more to unpack beyond Eddie's excuse that he's "not ready" for a "ready-made family." So playing house with Ana causes him to panic, but co-parenting with Buck doesn't? Literally choosing Buck to be Christopher's legal guardian in the event of his own death didn't? Not even a little bit? The juxtaposition between Eddie's uncomfortable interactions with Ana and joy when seeing Buck with Chris or talking about Buck and Chris at the zoo makes us wonder: is Eddie not ready for a "ready-made family"...or has he already made one with someone else?

If he's aware of the latter, whether consciously or not, the implications of Buck being the person he wants in his life permanently is enough to warrant panic given Eddie's background.

In that same vein, the "stick with it" line felt particularly telling—I can't help but wonder if he stuck with Shannon, too. He was so young when they met, then their relationship became complicated so quickly...and ultimately cut too short. Perhaps he "stuck with" her despite the chaos because it was easier than confronting his own feelings or sexuality. As others have mentioned, "stick with it" implicitly evokes subtext around compulsory heterosexuality, being in the closet, repression, etc. Whether the writers intended for anything beyond Eddie's textual answer remains to be seen, however.

Now let's move on to Buck.

Maybe we can chalk this up to Oliver's acting choices, but Buck's frustrated—angry, even—emotional response to Eddie's admission surprised me. He's genuinely upset that Eddie would force feelings instead of breaking things off now, even directly comparing himself to Ana because he too has loved someone who didn't reciprocate his feelings (presumably he's referencing Abby, questionably Ali as well). The writers' choice in having Buck compare his own love struggles to Eddie's here naturally drums up questions about his current relationship.

I find it ...interesting that Taylor and Buck's one scene (so far) has already implied there's trouble in paradise. Yet again, Buck seems more invested in his relationship than his partner does. No shade to Taylor or those who ship her with Buck, but why would the writers want the pair's first scene post-canonization to be Taylor choosing work over Buck? Even in a lighthearted scene? If the writers' intent wasn't getting the audience to question whether Buck's latest romantic endeavor will work out, then I'm not sure what they were doing in that scene.

Now, let's remember how the show reintroduced Ana and Taylor as love interests last season. Ana was first, then Taylor after a time jump in the latter half of the season, during which Ana and Eddie were already seeing each other. I remember fans speculating that Buck dipped his feet back in the dating pool not only because he was healing but also because Eddie had made the first step toward moving on. However you want to interpret Buck's choices, shipper goggles on or off, by the end of last season both Eddie and Buck entered two separate, seemingly healthy relationships. Two happily ever afters, two happy families.

Four months later and the fairytale's already fallen apart.

Perhaps Buck's knee-jerk frustration not only stems from his past wounds with Abby, but also because he's sensing he's veering down a familiar path with Taylor. He's angry less so because Eddie said he'd "stick it out" with Ana, but more so because he's always the person people "stick it out" with. Shipper goggles on, maybe he's angry at himself for jumping into another relationship that isn't working when he only reentered the dating pool because of Eddie...whether that be out of jealousy, fear of being left behind, or repressing his confusing feelings.

Eddie's on a clear path to renewed singlehood, and Buck's storyline already leaves room for a similar journey. It's too early to tell, especially with how the writers have dealt with Buddie in the past, but if the show really wanted to quash the ship...why all of this? Will the beginnings of their respective relationships mirror their ends, with Eddie breaking up with Ana in the first half of the season, then Buck in the latter?

The question of the night remains: why break up the couples they just built and write off the characters they just reintroduced if they have no intention of pursuing Buddie romantically?

Maybe they'll push a platonic soulmate narrative where Buck and Eddie raise Chris together and are a family unit, but as bros—but that seems a bit ridiculous after knocking out both of their girlfriends, especially if they're trying to avoid claims of queerbaiting. You never know when there's a general audience to appease as well, though.

Based on what I've seen tonight, however, we may have a genuine chance. At least more of a chance then I thought last season.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Knock-knock, knock, knock knock {One-Shot}**

Chris Evans x Reader

Warning: Cheesy, Fluffy Goodness, NSFW, Mild Smut, Cursing

Words: 3.4k

Summary: We all know Chris is a Disney geek and we all know the beginning of this contagious song, he loves it, you—hate it, but you can’t say no to the big dork.

Note: Next up on Christmas With Lee. A cheesy Disney fluff-filled read with some spice. I hope you enjoy this. Thank you for reading!!!!

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️

“Uggh, more snow? How is it possible for it to snow even more?” You looked out your window at the falling snow that met the seven inches already on the ground. You hated the snow, it was cold, wet, and only was “pretty” for like an hour until traffic hit it or feet, then it turned to brown, dirty bacteria-filled disgustingness. You hated winter. Every time you turned around it was snowing. There hadn’t been a winter where you didn’t get sick, slip, trip and bust your ass all because of the snow. You were already over it. Living in Boston you were in prime snow time. The snow season had just begun.

 Dropping into your couch you pulled your mermaid tail blanket up around you and surfed the channels trying to find something to watch. You were home at Christmas because your parents were away on a Christmas cruise and you really didn’t want to be around them being all mushy and gushy. You didn’t mind, there was nothing wrong with being alone. More times than not you enjoyed it more than being around people—well most people, except Chris.

 You found a cheesy Christmas movie and decided to sit through its predictableness. It was a plot as old as time. Prince is in town and needs a service but chooses a lesser-known vendor and while working together they fell in love and then there was a catastrophic falling out usually something like the girl finding out about a long lost fiancé or woman hoping to snag her prince and she runs off feeling hurt and betrayed that the prince she’d known for four days had a life before her. Then miraculously by the end, all was well, and they lived happily ever after. It was the recipe for every novel, movie, tv-show and tv movie. You knew it well.

An hour later the closing credits sealed every one of your predictions. Even though it was predictable and cheesy you still enjoyed it. as you were scrolling for another you heard a series of knocks at your door. Pausing and muting the TV you listened again and there it was.

 Knock-knock, knock, knock knock.

 You found it strange because you had a doorbell, and everyone used doorbells these days. Ignoring it you unmuted the TV. Several seconds later the knocks came again.

Knock-knock, knock, knock knock.

 You were warm and comfortable and had no intention of getting up to answer the door. No one ever dropped by unannounced, everyone knew to text or call first. The knocks continued, louder than ever this time.

 Knock-knock, knock, knock knock.

 You scrunched up your nose and groaned loudly. “Go away!”

 Knock-knock, knock, knock knock.

 “Get the fuck away from my door or I swear I will come out there and beat your ass with my baseball bat signed by the entire Red Sox team. I swear I’ll do it!”

You waited to see if there would be any more knocking but there was none. You sighed out, pleased with yourself. Just as you were about to continue on with your plan for the afternoon the knocks came again.

 Knock-knock, knock, knock knock.

 Groaning you kicked off your blanket and stomped to the door ready to fling it open and beat their ass. As you wrapped your hand around the handle of your baseball bat you kept at the door you paused. The rhythm of the knocks finally registered. Exaggeratedly rolling your eyes you leaned against the door waiting for it again. Like clockwork it did.

 Knock-knock, knock, knock knock.

 You swung open the door to see Chris dressed his best for the weather with a huge smile on his face. as he opened his mouth you knew what was going to come out.

 “Do you wanna build a sno—,” Chris began in the sing-song voice from Frozen. Before he could finish you nipped it in the bud.

 “No don’t you dare finish that!” His smile didn’t fall and the glint in his eyes did die out, he still looked adorkable. you wanted to smile but he would have taken that as motivation.

 “Do you wanna build a sno—.”

 Again, you interrupted him holding your hands up.

 “I swear Chris if you finish it I’ll slam this door in your face. don’t do it,” you warned. He stared at you sizing you up trying to see if you really would.

 “Don’t test me, Evans.”

 Chris narrowed his eyes and you knew his defiance was coming.

 “Do you wanna build a snowman!” He was loud as hell and so was the slam of your door in his face.

 You walked away back to the couch and snuggled back in with your mermaid tail on. After a few seconds, Chris used his key and walked inside.

 “You really slammed the door in my face.”

 “I sure as hell did. You were warned. You did it to yourself really.” He dropped onto the couch onto your feet.

 “Hey, those are my feet, Evans. Get off!” you nudged your foot kicking him in the ass, he sprang up and glared at you.

 “Let’s go, it’s prime snowman weather. The snow is falling which means the one that is already there is hard enough but the fresh one will add a layer of soft fluffiness to it. it’ll be great.”

 “Who the hell are you?”

 “Your best friend come on, Y-L-N. What else were you going to do? It’s Christmas and you’re alone.”

 “I’m okay being alone,” you protested skipping through channels. Chris grabbed the remote and put it on top of the fireplace mantel.

 “Don’t start a war.”

 “Come on. One hour that is all I’m asking for. One hour of snowman fun and then we’ll do whatever you want to do.” When you didn’t answer Chris narrowed his eyes and pulled your mermaid tail blanket off your legs and held it.

 “I will throw this in the fire,” he countered.

 “You wouldn’t dare.” He knew it was your favorite blanket, it was a gift from him.

 Chris held it in front of the fire, and you leaped up and to him trying to get the blanket. He moved around your living room evading every one of your attempts. Soon he stumbled and fell back onto the couch with you on top of him. Your eyes met and the air in the room suddenly was the thickest thing. Taking a shaky breath in you bit your bottom lip. the proximity to him was making your heart flutter way too quickly. Clearing your throat, you got off of him and stood away from the couch. He sat up and avoided your eyes.

 “Snowman, you get your blanket back.”

 “You drive a hard bargain, Evans.” You walked off to your bedroom to get dressed ignoring anything that you may have thought you felt from moments ago.

 When the two of you walked outside you scrunched your nose and allowed Chris to lead you to his car.

 “I have the perfect spot.”

 He drove through the streets of downtown Boston you knew the route he was taking, it led to his mother’s house. Fifteen minutes later he parked in the driveway and led you to the orchard like area of the property. The snow was untouched.

 “See, it’s perfect.” He ran into it and dived into it and began making a snow angel.

 “How the hell do you like snow so much?”

 “What’s not to like. It’s the ultimate fine motor skill toy, better than Legos. You can make anything. Which brings us to our contest. Best snowman wins.”

 “Fine. Let’s get this over with you overgrown man child.”

 “Sticks and stones Y/N, sticks and stones.”

 Rolling your eyes, you began forming the bottom half of the snowman. You gathered a ball of snow and formed it perfectly then rolled it around the ground so it would pick up more as it needed. After a few rolls, it was difficult to maintain so you left it right there and piled snow on top of it. glancing over to Chris he was using muscle and brawn to get it down. Him and his big stupid muscles, what man needed all of that, you thought.

 Getting back to work you focused on your own snowman and not on what he was doing. It was difficult because as he built he sang every Disney song in the book and bounced you hoping to get you to sing along. It was not working. While his joy was infectious you refused to be infiltrated.

 Fifteen minutes later you were putting the finishing touches on your snowman who had turned out to not be half bad. You put your scarf around it and backed away to admire your handiwork.

 “Huh, not bad. Looks like the grinch can do something Christmasy after all,” Chris teased. You narrowed your eyes at him then looked to his snowman.

 “Jesus.” He’d turned it into a woman complete with big boobs and nipples too that were made from dark pebbles. “Can’t you take anything seriously?”

 “Why? Life is serious enough, gotta sprinkle some silliness in there sometime.” You smiled and shook your head. He had an uncanny way of making you smile, no one else could master the task.

 “Mine is the clear winner,” you announced.

 “Why?”

 “It is appropriate for children and looks like a classic snowman. Winner.”

 Suddenly you saw a huge snowball coming right at you. you ducked in the nick of time and gasped. “Really? That was close to my face!”

 Chris has a yikes look on and you looked back to where he looked and saw your snowman’s head on the ground smashed. “You killed snowy.” Chris laughed loudly and gripped his chest as he bent forward.

 “Snowy? That is so original of you Y/N.” He walked to it and began destroying it. you just stood there shocked.

 “Now Snowy’s destroyed.” you were shocked. Without thinking you bent down gathered a snowball and threw it at him, it hit him right in the forehead. You laughed loudly and staggered around trying to stay upright.

 “Snow fight!”

 Chris hurled snowball after snowball at you one after the other. Without having any time to react you ran and tried to hide from him and gather time to make your own. When you hid behind the garden trellis you formed six snowballs and decided on a sneak attack. You got onto your belly and slithered across the yard military style. You had no idea where he was. When you got to a tree you crouched behind it and spotted him across the yard hiding behind some bushes. Quickly you ran up to him and threw your snowballs making direct hits all over his upper torso.

 You didn’t see him rearing back with one of his own and it hit you right in your face sending you back into the snow. It hurt like hell.

 “Ow!” Chris was by your side in seconds.

 “Y/N, oh my god, are you okay? I’m so sorry, I wasn’t aiming at your face. you’re just so short.”

 He pulled his gloves from his hands and wiped away the snow from your face and examined you to make sure you weren’t hurt. It was sweet but you took a handful of snow and smashed it in his face then rolled onto him and pushed snow on him. Chris did the same and soon the two of you were rolling and screaming as snow went everywhere. When you both stopped the two of you were laughing loudly, this time Chris was on top of you.

 “Oh my god, my face hurts,” you groaned.

 “Your face? my face hurts, so do my hands. they’re frozen. I was trying to make sure you were okay.”

 “You hit me in the face, Chris. Owwww.” You pouted and he smiled and brushed your face of the melting snow.

 “I’m sorry. It’s okay though. It’s still as beautiful as ever.” Your pout faded as you took him in. your belly again was doing somersaults and your heart was beating so quickly you were afraid it would beat out of your chest.

 “You said an hour of snowman and whatever I want,” you repeated.

 “I did. Consider your hour of snowman completed.” You smiled and bit your bottom lip.

 You’d imagined kissing him for years. All your friends teased you incessantly over how perfect you guys would be together and that you should get together but neither of you ever made the move. The time never seemed right. He was always off filming something or traveling here or there or in the middle of some fling with some actress or whoever. It never seemed like you were meant. Right now though, everything fell into line. He was single yet again, as were you, he was on an extended break from filming anything as he assessed his next moves in his career and right now seemed perfect.

 “So what is it that you want?”

 The moment stretched and slowly the two of you moved closer until your lips touched. When they did neither of you moved, you remained there feeling it out. You were the one to move your lips first and begin the most passionate kiss you’d ever had. Chris placed his hand over your forehead and kissed you back with an added fire that you were sure was melting the snow around you. soon your lips were wrestling through the dance of passion as you and he moaned and enjoyed the first action of moving your relationship further. Chris was the first to pull his lips from yours.

 “Wait, wait,” he whispered pressing his forehead and nose to yours. “Are we finally doing this?”

 You nodded and tipped your tongue out to lick his bottom lip. “We are.” His lips were on yours again as he moaned on you. you pulled back and looked at him. “Wait, finally?”

 “I’ve been waiting for the right time, but it never seemed right, you were always with someone or going through a lot, I had begun to lose hope.”

 You smiled and kissed him again and moaned while rolling on top of him. your hips began rocking against him and he groaned and gripped your thigh where it creased.

 “Let’s go.” You pushed yourself up and pulled him up into you. his body collided with yours and nearly had you fall over. Chris held you firm against him and kissed you again. You touched his cold cheek and moved it to the back of his head where your fingers sunk into his wet hair.

 “Come on.”

 You tore your lips from his and pulled him through the yard back where you came from and to the car. You climbed in the backseat and pulled him in beside you. Once he was there you kissed him again and began peeling off your jacket. Once you were free of the garment you climbed on top of him and helped him out of his.

 “Wait.” Chris dug into his pocket found the car keys and pressed “start” turning on the car and with it the heat. Then he tossed it away and wrapped his arms around you. “Mmm.” His moan was soft, and it made you smile. You then began peeling off his knit sweater. Once you took it off you realized he had on another layer, a thermal shirt.

 “Damn, so many layers.”

 He snorted and began wresting with your sweater. The two of you were so anxious that your sweaters entangled with your arms which had the two of you bursting out into a fit of laughter. Finally, when the two of you were bare from your upper halves Chris touched your skin. His hands were so cold it had you flinching.

 “Sorry.”

 He quickly rubbed them together and blew into them hoping to warm them a little. When he touched you again they weren’t as icy. His hands gripped your hips and squeezed. You wasted no time and began unbuttoning his wet jeans. As you did Chris helped you undo yours. You lifted up pressing your head onto the top of the car. Your neck bent trying to get enough room for Chris to pull your jeans off of you. thanks to the wet material they sucked onto you even more than they had when you first put them on.

 “Let me.” You took control of peeling off your jeans and Chris took control of getting his off. After much struggle and giggles, the two of you were finally naked. Chris pulled you back onto his lap. You could feel his erection pressing between the two of you. you peeked down and bit your bottom lip then looked to him. He was also biting his bottom lip and his eyes were filled with so much desire.

 “Are you sure about this? There’s no turning back once we do this,” Chris questioned.

 You kissed him and nibbled his bottom lip. his groan was the sexiest thing you’d ever heard. “I’m so sure.” You lifted up onto your knees, Chris rubbed the tip of his cock through your wet folds and you shivered. This was a line you were really about to cross, a line that you knew there was no coming back from. As if realizing it as well Chris hesitated and locked eyes with you.

 You were the one to sink down onto his thick, swollen length. Each and every inch that slipped in you was like Christmas morning, it felt so incredible you had no control over your body. Your palm slammed into the rear windshield and produced a handprint into the fogged glass. Chris grunted loudly and held you tight. Once he was fully sheathed you sat there on him taking it all in. You couldn’t have prepared yourself for what you were feeling, it was indescribable.

 “Y/N,” Chris panted.

You began ricking your hips on him with every intention of going slow to savor every sensation, but with the first chill that ran through you, slow was not happening. You quickly rode him already dying for a release. You’d wanted this so long you’d dreamed about it, envisioned him as you used your toys, and none of it was enough. Right now, right here this was doing it for you. You felt Chris bucking up into you to match the pace of your rocks and it added a new sensation. Your moans and pants echoed in the car and soon the sound of wet skin slapping together could be heard.

 “Fuck, you feel incredible. I had no idea,” Chris began. His hand squeezed your backside and you nearly lost it when he slammed up into you. your screech told him he was doing something right.

 “You like that?”

 “Right there Chris don’t stop!”

 He did it again and again and again until your eyes were rolling back into your head and one hand was braced against the top of the car as he fucked you and showed you just why it was always him.

 “Uhhh, I’m gonna come Y/N.” he ground his hips and it nudged deep inside of you and without warning, you came.

 “Fuck, yes, aaaah!”

 Right on your heels, Chris came a second later. The two of you were panting and moaning as you slowly came down from the bliss you were in your body stuck to his. Chris held you close and trailed his fingers up and down your spine.

 “Mmm, god. It’s always been you Y/N.” you smiled and looked down at him and felt his face. He was gorgeous and you loved everything about his face, even the small wrinkles that decorated his face were perfect.

 “Took you long enough to realize it.” Chris snorted and laughed planting his face in your chest. Then he kissed your skin and moaned.

 “Merry Christmas Y/N.”

 “Merry Christmas Chris.” You kissed him again then the two of you got dressed. You had dinner to go to.

 “Will we talk later?”

 You looked at Chris as he climbed out the car in his wet clothes. He pulled you to him and held you against him.

 “Yeah, we’ll talk.” He smiled and softly kissed your nose.

 “We should build a snowman more often.”

 You laughed and walked ahead with him behind you. Maybe building snowmen wasn’t that bad, especially if it ended with you having an incredible orgasm like that.

~~~~~~~~~~

TagList:

@chaneajoyyy @firedolphin04 @sonjashuterbugjohnson @caramara3 @vannahvannahhh @academic-glowup @lorainnebabyy @patzammit @yourwonderbelle  @pennywisesmistress @theblulife @kelbabyblue @bugngiz @disneysdarlingdiva @toniilaney @areubeingserved @thinkxlovexloud @cocothewriter @periodtcevans @southerngracela @bellaamor88 @mack-jay @titty-teetee @pananegra @wellthirsted @sup3rn0va13 @nova3312 @hello-therree @valkyriesnymph @squeackygee @ab-baybay @niyashell @allmonstersxarehuman @zsuzstyina @peggy-potts @amelatonin @lvlyab @sullyosully @renesmeeharelds @capslut2014 @ilovehatembj @thelittlemoistcarrot @sarcastic-sunshines @a-dizzle777 @taylorveebee   @thatcrazymarvelfan @thelittlemoistcarrot @oceanscorazon @90sinspiredgirl@missyperle @mizcaptainwidow @angrybirdcr @chrisgalore @cherrystainedlipsbaby @marvelfansworld @blowmymbackout @almostpurelysmut @impossiblegiantrebelbasketball @choices97 @momobaby227  @phreshouttherunwaaayy @rynabarnesrogers @blowmymbackout @heladoom @alyxkbrl @evemej  

[ourplaceinthecosmosphff]

Chapter 5. Truth or Dare

‘TRUE BEAUTY is not of the body or of the face, no, it is a thing of the soul - of fire and air, breath and spirit, something brave and unafraid.’ Segovia Amil

The door opened without a knock; I saw through the reflection in the mirror Cadie stop herself from walking straight in, instead fixing her posture and looking solemnly at us.

“Excuse me, Ma’am.” She said, formally.

“Don’t bother with formalities on my account, Cade.” Louis told her, grinning. “We’re all friends here. I won’t tell Auguste you usually call my sister by her name.”

The secretary grinned, but didn’t move. “There’s a delivery for you.”

“For me?” She replied with a nod. 

“I think it’s a dress.”

“Oh!” Louis exclaimed, jumping up from his seat in the two-seat sofa in front of my bed. 

I raised a hand in pause to Cass, who was just about finished doing my hair, and turned around to eye my brother suspiciously.

“What is it? And why is it in my name?”

“It’s for you.” He said, walking to the door and speaking to someone outside. “In here, please!”

The Prince of Wales’ butler walked in, solemnly carrying a garment bag over both his arms, which he laid over the couch where Louis had been sitting, before turning around to bow to the both of us, and leave as swiftly as he had come.

“If it’s for me how come I don’t know anything about it?!”

“It’s a surprise.” He shrugged, smiley. “Cass, are you done over there?”

Cass, who had been discreetly spraying my hair as we talked, pulled another couple of strands leading into my bun and took a step back.

“Look at me, please, ma’am? Oh, yes, I’m done. Beautiful!”

I looked in the mirror. My hair was pulled loosely to the back in a bun, with strands falling artfully to the sides of my face. Atop my head, sat Empress Eugénie's 1853 pearl and diamonds tiara, commissioned by Napoleon III to celebrate their marriage. It was adorned with 212 pearls and 1998 diamonds. After Napoleon III’s 1870 defeat, the tiara was surrendered to the Savoyen Royal Family and now it laid on my hair. It was one of my favorites from the Savoyen Crown jewels vault, and Maman had sent me with Georgian pearl earrings to match, which I picked up as Louis rushed Cass and Cadie out of the room.

“I already have a dress, Lou.” I told him, approaching the garment bag.

“How would you know it’s a dress?” He asked, teasingly, to which I only gave him a suspicious look with one raised brow. “Okay, fine, it’s a dress…”

He pat a chair next to the bag and I sat down, just as he sat in the coffee table in front and held both my hands in his.

He cleared his throat. “As I have expressed, I am sorry for the things I said when we were fighting.”

I watched him, silently, then nodded slowly. “Okay?”

“However, there is something I have been meaning to talk to you about, which may have transpired during our, uhm, bagarre.”

“...yes?”

“Maggie, you have to stop letting mom and dad walk all over you.”

“I do not-”

“You have worn at least three outfits this tour I know for a fact that you wouldn't even have purchased if it weren’t to make sure Maman wouldn’t have something to criticize.”

“Excuse you, I think my outfits were very cute!”

“I didn’t say they weren’t!” He clarified, pointing a finger at me. “All I said was… they weren’t you.”

I sighed, resting my back against the chair.

I couldn’t say I hadn’t noticed before that every time I had to do something regal there was a tiny voice in the back of my head wondering, what will mom approve of? before I chose an outfit. Her style had more of a conservative, 50s debutant vibe, while I tended to be more romantic yet modern. It was a fine line that separated both styles, and the advantage usually fell to my mother.

“She’s a very stylish woman.” I countered, and he nodded enthusiastically.

“She sure is. And you are twenty-five years-old! You should be allowed to wear things that are… out there, daring, iconic!”

I laughed. “I’m not exactly a fashion icon!”

“My point exactly. You could be.”

“Louis-”

“I know you have style! I have seen it! You just hold it back because you think you have to!”

“I do have to.”

“It’s the twenty-first century! The Swede Princesses show a lot more skin than you do!”

“They don’t have our mom breathing down their necks.”

“Maggie, fashion is supposed to be fun! But you need a little bit of courage to really shine in it.”

I sighed. “What exactly are you suggesting?”

He leaned back and crossed his legs, confidently. “Let me guess, the dress maman chose for you for tonight's of a light shade, probably blue to match your angelic eyes, with a simple silhouette that covers everything God gave you, am I right?”

I didn’t have to answer; he knew he was right, so instead he merely walked over to his delivery as he spoke.

“I have made some very good contacts since I moved to Britain, in part thanks to religiously attending London Fashion Week. So I made a call.”

He dramatically opened the bag, to reveal a strong, smooth red fabric. 

“Red?!”

“I looked it up, the Duchess of Cambridge herself has worn red to a previous state dinner.”

I bit my lip. It did look quite pretty. And much more interesting than the very conservative choice my mother had made.

“Okay, I’ll try it on.” He squealed as I got to my feet. “But just because I’m curious! If I feel it’s too much cleavage, or too out there, I’m putting on the blue dress.”

“Yes!” He threw the garment bag at me and ran to the door. “I’ll go get dressed as you do that, and send Cadie in to help you.”

As I rummaged through the bag, I saw another thing inside.

“Spanx, Louis?!”

He closed the door with a thud.

I needed Cadie’s help to get everything on without damaging my makeup, hair or losing the tiara in the mess, but at last, I was ready. 

Cadie approved it. “It’s perfect!” She breathed, amazed.

I walked out of the bathroom to the full body mirror in the room, finding Louis sitting in the sofa again. His eyes widened as he saw me. “Woah.”

“Strapless?!” I asked him, unfazed. “Lou, you know I can’t show cleavage on a state dinner!”

“Oh, no, mustn't let the British know you have arms!” He rolled his eyes, getting to his feet. “What will they tell the church?!”

“Lou!”

“Relax, look, it’s an upper neckline, you’ll be fine! Again, the Swedes wear strapless all the time”

“We’re not Swedish!”

“To be fair, the draping does cover much of your chest.” Cadie added, to Louis’ joy.

“Thank you, Cadie. Why don’t you go wait outside?” I told her, with an eye roll. She left, grinning.

The shape of the dress was almost a mermaid-cut, but the draping made it a lot loser in the lower-body, and added a very interesting detail to the hips; in my case, making it look like I had some.

I sighed. “It’s… beautiful.”

“But?”

“There’s a lot that goes into choosing a dress for an event like this, I can’t just change it last minute.”

“Your tiara matches, I made sure of it. The dress is tighter on your body, but not that much that Maman will have any right to criticize, the dress is red, which is new for you but not against the rules, and most importantly, out of your comfort zone! With the added bonus of the sexy factor!”

“This is the gayest you’ve sounded in your life.”

He put a hand to his heart. “Thank you!”

“I shouldn’t be looking sexy in a state dinner, anyway.”

Through the mirror, I watched him give the windows a look he seemed to be hoping I would see. 

“What?!”

“Well, you know, that is true… unless there’s a very handsome man in the state dinner who’s been shamelessly flirting with you for three days straight.”

I rolled my eyes, but smiled despite myself. “I was wondering if that had any influence over this intervention.”

“No!” He replied, quickly. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Although you gotta admit, it’s perfect timing!”

“Harry’s just being…”

“Nice?” He asked, sarcastically, before walking over to adjust the drape. “What’s wrong with nice? You deserve nice.”

He placed a hand over my arm and looked at me in the mirror.

“Chris didn’t deserve you. You know that, right?”

I wanted to roll my eyes at him for bringing him up again, but instead I just nodded, trying to allow the words to take root in my heart.

“But Harry might.” He shrugged. “He seems to at least know you’re way out of his league, that is more than Chris already.” We chuckled. “So wear the dress. Feel as powerful as I know you are and let him know it too.”

So I held his hand, took a deep breath, and said, “Okay.”

---- ---- ---- ---- 

Once you’ve seen one palace, you’ve seen them all: high ceilings, golden fixtures, red carpets. The one thing that changes is the art in the walls, the people in the paintings, the era of the vases. Buckingham Palace was not different, which is why I wasn't taking too much notice of it as we walked in that night; I had spent our first day in the country admiring Buckingham, tonight was about more.

Tonight was the ultimate opportunity we had to show the world how friendly our countries' relation was, so that the people might pressure their politicians into putting work into fixing the immigrant crisis. In a more direct way, the star of the night were the speeches by the Queen and King. In an indirect way, I had been informed by Cadie on the way over that the pictures of Louis and me with the Cambridges and Harry had become very popular online, and that it wouldn't hurt to look as friendly as possible.

That would be harder, though, because on state dinners the seating chart was made very carefully so that the main visiting royals can mingle with the hosts, and the spare royals can give their attention to the other guests, so they feel heard.

As we walked in, I suddenly felt absolutely wrong in the dress. Though there was limited photographers in State Dinners, they were definitely there. Particularly at our arrival. The flashes were so blinding I could only focus on walking without tripping over my train, but in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but wish I was wearing my comfortable, old blue. Louis had prepared me for it, though.

Back in Clarence House, as we descended the staircase, the last ones to be ready, he reminded me that everything new felt wrong until it didn’t. That was easier to say when all he had to wear was a boring tuxedo he had worn at least twenty times prior. 

When we walked into the living room, the conversation stopped. My father and our five person staff stared at me, head to toe, mouths opened, as my brother offered them a cocky look. 

“Well,” I said, “I’m ready. Shall we go?”

Though Auguste said nothing, he looked as though he wanted to, but reconsidered when my father merely smiled, offering me his arm, and we made our way out.

Now, walking into the palace, I was reconsidering the choice myself. The dress was beautiful, my hair and makeup were perfectly in place thanks to Arnie’s flawless work, the tiara was a dream come alive; it was me. I was a pile of nerves. 

As Louis offered me his hand to climb up the steps, he looked at me, confused. 

“Why are you shaking?” 

I shrugged, and he grinned.

“Just you wait.” He replied when I questioned this.

Dad led the way, greeting Her Majesty with a kiss on each cheek, before taking one step to say hello to the Prince of Wales and his wife, just down the line. As the heir, Louis was next, so he stepped forward and bowed his head before kissing her as well.

“Your Majesty, is it 1956? Because you look barely a day over 30.”

The Queen let out a naughty giggle, caressing the diamonds in her bracelet shyly. 

He was going to make a fantastic King.

“Your Majesty.” I said, bowing down in a curtsey when it was my turn. 

“Princess Margueritte.” She greeted as I, too, kissed her cheeks. “You’ve been making quite a ruckus these last couple of days.”

I looked at her, feeling my head tilt sideways. “Have I?”

“I hope my grandson hasn’t bothered you too much.”

“Oh. No! Harry? No. He is… No!” I assured her, feeling my myself blush. “Uhm. He, he is-”

“He's always been a bit like a shark like that. If they stop swimming, they die. Well, he does if he stops flirting.”

I laughed, aware we were being filmed, hoping the press wasn't close enough to pick audio, trying to look as unbothered as possible.

"He's been very friendly and... Welcoming."

"I'm sure."

"What is it?" asked the Prince of Wales, drawing the attention of my father, brother and the Duchess. I shook my head, but the Queen told him merely, "Harry".

It seemed to be enough, though, as the whole group nodded, grinning.

"Oh, yes. It seems my son is a bit taken with your daughter." The prince told my father.

Though his mouth said "oh" in an amused way, I could tell it wasn't the first time he heard of this. 

“It doesn’t help she’s exactly his type.“ The duchess commented, making the group laugh again, so I‌ attempted to hold a steady, polite smile on my face.

We moved on to mingle and get in our positions to enter the dining hall; as the guest of honor, since Dad was here, there wasn’t anyone else to wait for. The rest of the guests were already in the dining hall, probably being told to find their seats now. The royal families - hosts and guests - were to enter later, so for now we could be ourselves and enjoy some privacy.

“Breathe.” Louis told me again, as we followed dad around the room. “You look about to pass out.”

“What did she mean by ‘his type’, you think?” I asked him, in a whisper.

“He’s probably dated someone who looks like you.” He replied, grinning.

“More than one... but ‘his type’, though. You think he just likes me because I’m blonde? He just likes my looks?”

“Great relationships have started with looks.” He said, turning around to face me, stopping me in my tracks. “How do you know he’s dated more than one person who looks like you? Have you stalked him online?”

I rolled my eyes, turning to look around the room. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You have a tell, Maggie. When you’re lying you look away so people can’t see your eyes.” 

Instead of dignifying his - smart - insight with an answer, I merely hooked my arm in his and walked off, having just identified the people I’d been looking for, and trying to ignore the smile on Louis’ face when he realized where we were going.

“Good evening.”

Though Harry had his back to me, I could watch the reaction of his brother and sister-in-law. They looked at me as I approached, unsurprised I was coming; almost as though they had seen me already. When I got to them, instead of greeting us, their eyes went to Harry. 

His shoulders squared back in a long breath, and then he turned around and looked at me. I watched his mouth open and his eyes widen, both so slightly it made me question if I’d imagined it, but also so obvious I wanted to turn around and go back to Clarence House to get changed immediately. It didn’t help he looked me up and down quickly and then gulped, before averting his eyes.

“You both look very dapper tonight.” Catherine said, smiling awkwardly between her brother-in-law and us. She was wearing a dark blue gown and a diamond tiara, hair half up, half down.

“Thank you!” Louis said, returning her smile with none of the awkwardness, and a lot of amusement. 

“Yes, we’re very happy to have you.” William said, looking equally as amused. “I’m afraid you’re at the boring table today, Louis.”

Catherine gently edged her elbow to her husband’s arm. “Don’t say boring.” She whispered, making Louis laugh. 

“Trust me, I understand what you mean.” He replied; I tried to smile, as it felt like that was the tone the conversation required. But it was hard when Harry still hadn’t looked back at me. “What is the party table, though? Does Harry get a round of Bubbly Pong going?”

They laughed, I mimicked. Harry looked around the room very still. There was an uncomfortable silence as the laughter died down, and suddenly there was a British aide telling us it was time to get to our places in line to enter the dining room. 

I gladly took the excuse to move away, feeling sick to my stomach. Had I been excited before? I hardly remembered it anymore. 

“I’m in the boring table, too.” Catherine told me, walking quickly to catch up to me as we moved to the middle of the line as the heirs went forward. “It was terrifying on my first time at one of these, but I’ve come to find you can have some interesting conversations, don’t you think?”

I smiled, remembering her nerves from the car the day before. “No, you’re right, it’s not that bad, actually. Though, it’s not as interesting as it seems to outsiders, either, I suppose. My sister is convinced there’s dancing, like in a ball in a Disney movie.” 

She laughed, looked back, and then added, whispery, “You make him nervous.”

“What?”

“I’m over there, I’ll talk to you later, I hope.” 

We exchanged a smile, even if mine was a bit confused, and she moved to stand next to the Prime Minister.

“You know, in Britain only the married women attend these,” Harry started, standing next to me in line. “And you wouldn’t be allowed to wear one of those until married, either.” He said, staring at the tiara in my head with - I was happy to see - some reverence.

“In Savoy, unmarried women can wear tiaras as long as they’re over twenty-one. Good thing I’m not British.” I said, on a low tone, glad Auguste couldn’t hear such an undiplomatic sentiment. 

He grinned. “Yes. I’m very glad about that.” 

I looked around, seeing the line basically done. “Are you not going to find your place?”

“I think I’m right where I belong.” 

“With me?” I asked, surprised; he returned a flirty smile.

“Yes, Mary, with you.” I rolled my eyes, grinning.

“Do you get all your pickup lines from Taylor Swift songs?” He laughed a bit louder than the current volume level in the room, and more than one pair of eyes turned to look at us.

Usually they wouldn’t pair the ‘lower royals’ together like this. The high ranking ones, yes; queen and king, heir with heir. My father and Louis were both ahead, and would be sitting at the head of the table, with William and Catherine, I supposed. But Harry and I should have been paired with diplomats or dignitaries. 

As we walked into the room, to the sound of their national anthem, I noticed two important things. One, Harry looked very handsome in white tie and tails, with his military medals pinned to his chest. Two, as we walked, he gave a grateful smile to a nearby aide, and I wondered if he had arranged to be seated with me. I felt… strangely flattered. 

As we got to the table, and the anthem finished, a staffer pulled the chair for me, and we were all seated in silence as, at the center part of the table, they prepared for the speeches.

“I don’t think I can stress this enough, Mary.” He said, whispery, leaning closer to me than it was necessary.

“Marie.” I corrected, now more teasingly than anything else, making him smile as he looked into my eyes.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

I didn’t have a teasing answer for that; I could barely think straight as he kept staring into my eyes from so close. 

Suddenly, however, his grandmother’s voice startled us both out of it and we stared ahead as she began to speak.

It felt as though the Queen and my father spoke for hours; I‌ kept my eyes focused ahead hoping to steady my breath and sweaty palms enough to be able to look back at Harry at some point in the night.

Luckily, by the time they started serving the entrees, I‌ had remembered that due to the dinner etiquette I was supposed to make conversation to the man by my other side before Harry. So I took in a deep breath, smiled politely, and asked him about his work.

By the time it was our turn to talk, he gave me a friendly smile and said,

“Dare.”

I sighed a short giggle. We had, now that I‌ thought about, left the truth and dare game unfinished the day before. I‌ had answered last, so I supposed it was his turn. I cracked my brain to think of something that was good, but not scandalous. 

“I dare you to,”‌ I‌ started, slowly, staring into his water glass, “tap you fork to your glass loudly to call the attention of the room to yourself, get up, and improvise a speech in honor of my father.”

He barked out a laughter that started louder than any of us thought was appropriate, and we quickly ducked our heads down to hide our playful grins and blushing cheeks; Harry was still laughing. Taking a deep breath, he looked around the room. 

“I can’t!”‌‌‌ He replied. “It’s not protocol, it’ll be too weird. It will make the news!”

I sighed, smiling. ‌“Alright, then. I‌ suppose you could… start coughing when the staffer comes back for our plates and then dramatically grab his sleeve and pretend to have an allergic reaction.”

This time his eyes widened as he laughed, leaning closer to me. “Are you trying to get me disowned?!” 

I‌ laughed.‌ “Too much? Okay. I dare you to…”‌ I looked around the room, thinking. 

The table was shaped like an upside-down U. The Queen and her guests were at the top, horizontal edge; Harry and I were at the start of one of the legs, close to the curve of the table, which was narrow and had no one sitting there. The person closest to the other gentleman on my side, was Catherine, and by her side, ‌my brother.

“I dare you to throw a pea on my brother’s wine glass.” 

He leaned closer to me in order to see around the tall centerpiece arrangement in the middle of the table. He smelled of… lime, possibly? And I‌ felt myself leaning back towards him to smell it better.

“Hm, how about Cath? She’s more in my line of vision.”

“No!” I‌ whispered, making one of his eyebrows raise slightly above the other. “She’s nice, I‌ don’t want to mess with her.”

“And your brother isn’t nice?”

I rolled my eyes. “My brother has been a royal since birth and is used to me. Your sister-in-law seems to still be trying very hard to… behave the way people expect her to. I‌ don’t want to make that harder.”

He smiled.‌ “How do you know that?”

I‌ shrugged.‌ “I’m observant. Stop stalling. If you won’t do that, then…”‌ I looked back, seeing the staffers come back around to collect our plates. “When they’re removing your plate, I‌ dare you to burp your thank you.”

“For such a pretty girl, you are… disgusting.”

“Ouch.”‌ I said, on a bored monotone, making him fight a smile. 

I‌ kept my eyes ahead as the poor staffer approached by his side to remove the plate, and then I‌ heard a loud and disgusting “thank you”, making me laugh.

We waited until they had left and broke down in a fit of giggles that made me feel very hot; I‌ took a long sip of my water, deciding I had had enough wine for the night.

Throughout the night, the game went on through each course; because I‌ didn’t want him to get any ideas about revenge, I‌ kept choosing truth, and as the first one traumatized him so much, so did he, and we ended up just having a regular conversation. Well, kind of. 

He asked how many people I had ever kissed; I did the quick math in my head and told him nine (Chris was my first everything, as he was a childhood friend, and other than one 7 minutes in heaven incident at 16, the rest were all casual dates during the one time when we broke up during University, and since the last break up). So I asked him the same, and he very quietly, blushing, justified his double digit as he stuttered through a lot of excuses, which I thought was cute. 

He asked what my pet peeve was, and I talked about wanting to scratch my eyes out when people chewed gum open-mouthed. I asked who was his favorite out of all the famous people he had ever met, and he told me about meeting Paul McCartney, which lead me to volunteer my experience in a Paul McCartney concert in New York a few years before, and soon we were exchanging our favorite Beatles songs, and what were our favorite bands as teenagers, which was particularly cringey for both of us (I had an insanely embarrassing obsession with Britney Spears, he had a gangster rap phase).

He asked how old I was when I stopped playing dolls (13), I asked how old he was the last time he peed himself (20, drunk). He asked what was the last text I sent, and I told him about confirming lunch plans with my coworker for the day after tomorrow. I asked him what was the last thing he searched on his phone, and he told me about googling how to tie a bow tie, which earned him a confused look.

“I know, I know. I ought to know it by now. But I told you about my terrible memory. I can never remember.”

“Okay, okay. Tell me one thing on your internet history you wouldn’t want me to know about.”

He stared at his plate, thoughtfully. 

“Well, in the name of our blossoming friendship, I feel I should come clean. After your brother mentioned it at polo, I did google you.”

I nodded. “Yeah, so did I.”

“You did?”‌ I‌ nodded. “Well, may I just say those pictures are low quality, and everything is actually much bigger-”

“I‌ meant I googled myself, you narcissistic piece of work.” I‌ laughed. 

“Oh, you googled yourself and‌ I’m narcissistic?!”

I‌ shrugged.‌ “I guess I wanted to see what you would see if you googled me.”‌

“Well, I‌ saw some adorable childhood pictures.‌ Bangs look cute on you.” I rolled my eyes.‌ 

“Shut up.”

“Found out you have three dogs, amazing. And Christopher looks like trash. You can do better.”

I laughed again, drinking more water just to have an excuse not to have to comment on it.

As we moved to the next course, we took some time to talk to the people on our other sides, so I did my best to focus on the questions the gentleman to my right was asking me.

In the back of my mind, however, something bugged me. I couldn’t stop thinking that he still didn’t know about the first time we met, and the longer I‌ took to tell him, the more uncomfortable it would be when I finally did.

“Truth or dare?”‌ He asked, without preamble, as soon as I turned to him again.

“Truth.”‌ I‌ smiled, hoping he would ask how we met so I could get it over with.

“Which of your siblings is your favorite?”

I‌ sighed; mostly because he had a very irritant, smug grin on his lips. 

“I can’t answer that. Also, it’s so unfair that you only have one so I can’t return this horrible question.”

“Yes, that’s why I asked. Go on, you can do it.”

“Fine. Louis. But I‌ have-”

“Oh, wow, Mary!” He said, mock-shock all over his face.

“You asked!” I‌ said, whispery.

“That is cold!”

“I have reasons!”

“Fine, what are the reasons?”

“I was eleven years-old when Lourdes was born! I love her, of course. But I‌ only had a couple years with her before going to boarding school. Louis is just a few years younger than me, we grew up together! We’re just… closer.”

He nodded. “You went to school abroad, right?”

“Well, I‌ had a year in Savoy, then I‌ transferred to Belgium.”

“One year?”

“Yes, and it was easier to see them then, I came home every weekend, spent as much time with them as I‌ possibly could. Even when I was living in Belgium, actually. I still did my best.”

“You came home often?”

“As often as I could.” I said. “Lourdes was three when our grandfather abdicated due to his age. She will never remember a time when she wasn’t the daughter of a king. I was already off at Belgium by then. I wanted to be… I don’t know, to be…”

“There.”

I sighed. “Well, yes.”

“You felt guilty you were away.”

I looked at him, but didn’t say anything for a while. 

“I don’t- I don’t know. It’s stupid. I know there was nothing I could do, I just… They were so busy, our parents. Busier than ever. And I just... ”

“You didn’t want them to feel alone.” I looked at him, surprised. He shrugged. “Will did the same for me.”

He reached over and took a sip of his wine. “When… everything happened. Not just the divorce, but everything that came after, I think he felt guilty leaving me.” 

I didn’t need to ask what was the ‘all’ that had happened. The entire world knew. For this reason, I think, I wanted to offer something vulnerable in return.

“I came over to Savoy every weekend.” I confessed. “I left school every Friday on a private plane, and went home to see my family as if I still was studying in Savoy. My father shielded me from it, but the press found out and he was under attack for the expense. They called me spoilt, and said my mother insisted I was educated in Belgium out of an unpatriotic whim.”

He gave me a sad look, but I shrugged.

“I just wanted to make sure Louis and Lourdes were alright. I didn’t want them to forget about me, or think I might have forgotten them.”

He nodded. “You want to know what I think?”

I smiled. “I know you’ll tell me.”

He chuckled, silently. “I think you sound like a girl who really liked her country, and her home, and her family, and really wanted to be there, but could not, for some reason, stay in school near them. I wonder why?”

I leaned back, sighing, a grin on my lips. “And what is your theory?”

“Don’t lawyer me, Mary.”

We laughed.

“Marie.”

“It must have been tough.” He added, seriously. 

He didn’t know; he seemed to just… understand.

The staff arrived to remove our plates, and we took some time to ourselves. When they left, I turned to him again.

“The girls didn’t like me.” I confessed, softly. “I see now where they were coming from. I was too… too much. Quiet, but I overcompensated a lot. I had… a lot of opinions, which I mostly shared with the teachers, in class, when forced. I was always called on and, of course, everyone knew, or thought they did, every detail about me, and my family. And they all seemed to think I needed to be… more.”

“More what?”

I shrugged. “Everything. Or maybe less of everything... I don’t know, I just wasn’t enough. I just wanted… for no one to know who I was.”

“So you moved to Belgium.”

I smiled, sadly. “No one cared who my father was there. They found out, eventually. But I already had a couple of nice friends by then. It was all I needed.”

He smiled. “I hated school.”

I rolled my eyes. “Everyone did-”

“No, I… I really did. I’ve never been smart.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m serious. I don’t mean it in self-pity, either. It’s just… I’ve never been good at it. I don’t have an affinity for academics. I never had… an affection for any subjects, at all. I always just liked… the outdoors. The conversations, the connections with others. The adventure. I hated being inside.”

I smiled. “People are different. The only problem is the system that convinces us there’s only one way to be.”

After dessert, as soon as the Queen and King stood up, we were allowed to, as well. We were then ushered to another saloon where drinks were going to be served, and guests could mingle with other guests other than the ones they had been seated with at dinner, and soon after say their official goodbyes to the Queen.

The gentleman that had sat to my right introduced me to his wife, and we talked about their children for a while before I felt the conversation die out and gave a secret signal (adjusting my earrings) for Cadie to rescue me. 

“Hello…” Louis grinned when I‌ joined him, where he was observing our father from a distance.‌ His tone alone got me to blush.

“Shut up.”

“Why? I was just going to say you and Prince Harry sure seemed to be having fun.”

I sighed, “We did.”

“That’s nice.”‌ The tone was different this time, more… honest. Less mocking. So I smiled in return.

“And I deserve nice.” I repeated his line back to him, making his smile grow.

“Auguste noticed it, too.”

I sighed again.‌‌ “Let me guess. Have I‌ behaved promiscuously?”

“He is not sure if anyone will have noticed, but he thinks it’s a bad match.”

“Ugh, what is this, the eighteenth century?”

He shrugged.‌ “He said something about both of you being spares, and none having a throne to inherit, it’s just not good politics.”

I gave him a flabbergasted look. “What?!”

“I’m obviously kidding!”‌ He laughed, but I‌ rolled my eyes. “Look, just don’t let him talk you out of it, okay? Harry is great. He’s funny, and polite, and according to Kate, seems to really like you.”

“What? What did she say?”

He grinned again. “She told me in confidence, I‌ can’t repeat it.”

“Louis!”

“He’s nice!‌ And you deserve nice!”

“I know…”

“…he’s also super hot, which doesn’t hurt.”

“Shut up.”‌ I replied, but with a grin of my own this time. 

“What, you’re telling me you don’t think he’s super hot?”

“That’s not- I‌ don’t- Shut up!”

I‌’d seen Harry approaching out of the corner of my eye, and was desperate for him to stop talking.

“Hello.”‌ He greeted.

“Hi, Harry…”‌ Louis greeted him with the same teasing tone he had used to greet me.

“…Hi.”‌ Harry’s smile grew a bit more, and he blushed looking at the floor, uncomfortably.

“Stop.” I‌ whispered to my brother.

“Oh, look. I’m getting a call.” He returned, dead-faced. showing us his dark, silent phone, which was most definitely not receiving a call. “Talk to you later.”

Harry laughed as I‌ sighed. “Sorry, he’s…”

“Hey, do you want get out of here?” I stared, intrigued. His smile dropped as regret took over his face. “No!‌ I‌ just mean… To walk around, in the palace. See some cool closed wings and stuff.”

I‌ laughed. “Sure.”

“Really?”‌ He seemed genuinely surprised, and my heart ached.

I looked around at the room, enough people looking at us just because we were who we were. Our brothers looking away from us in a way that made me sure they were very aware of our movements. Auguste was standing by my father, but keeping an eye on me from the corner of his eyes. Cadie gave me a discreet thumbs up from the corner.

I remembered we were meant to be leaving the country tomorrow morning, and thought of how he still didn’t realize when we met. I remembered just how much he annoyed me only three days ago, and realized I didn’t know when I might see him next. Sure, it was almost time to leave, but I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wanted to see this through.

And I deserved nice.

So as he watched me with expectant eyes, I felt my heart jump in my throat and smiled as I said, “…yes.‌ Lead the way.”

--- ---- ---

Margueritte’s State Dinner Outfit

[A//N: Thank you so much for reading!!!!!!! I’d love to know your thoughts, please drop me a message here or like this page? Again, it’s a privilege, thank you for reading! Next week: Harry and Margueritte go on a secret Buckingham palace adventure!]

[birdy-lady]

There's nowhere to hide in a town the size of Schitt's Creek. In the Canadian sitcom of the same name, the rural community turns its spotlight on the Rose family, who relocate to the town after losing their extravagant fortune thanks to a fraudulent business manager. The Roses — Moira (Catherine O'Hara), Johnny (Eugene Levy), and their adult children, David (Dan Levy) and Alexis (Annie Murphy) — are a damaged brood, and not just because they've been forced to uproot their lives and start over in a small town they once bought as a joke. After a lifetime spent using wealth as a substitute for intimacy, they're suddenly shoved together in adjoining rooms in a run-down motel, only to find the attention more comfortable than any of them would have expected. As Dan Levy, who co-created the show with his father, Eugene, explained it, Schitt's Creek is about "people who didn't know what love was slowly learning season after season what it means to love each other."

It isn't just incidental, then, that David, a pansexual character played and created by an out gay man, isn't met with any homophobia in the town of Schitt's Creek. In a community where the nearest "high-end boutique" is a shop one town over called the Blouse Barn, David is only remarkable for his sharp fashion sense, which makes him a beacon to locals — like the schlubby mayor, Roland Schitt (Chris Elliott), and his wife, Jocelyn (Jennifer Robertson) — who look to him for advice. The show acknowledges, sometimes, that homophobia is still a threat, and that it can be especially dangerous to exist out in the open in rural towns like this one; in the second episode, when motel receptionist Stevie (Emily Hampshire) invites David to a tailgate, he protests, "I'm not really in the mood to be a victim of a hate crime tonight." Schitt's Creek doesn't pretend there's no risk to being vulnerable. It just defiantly chooses to reward that risk.

The core impulse of the series is to build a space for people to be open with one another. Late in Season 3 David meets his future business partner and eventual fiancé, Patrick (Noah Reid). Patrick, like the town, doesn't fit David's idea of what home will look like for him. "He's a business manager who wears straight-leg, mid-range denim," David summarizes. "He's not into me." But Patrick — again like the town — surprises him. There's no distinction on Schitt's Creek between romantic relationships and a broader sense of community: Both begin with unexpected acceptance.

In that sense, Schitt's Creek approaches vulnerability from a queer sensibility, even as it applies that sensibility to every character. Every emotion around acceptance is heightened because it's treated as less of a guarantee. After David kisses him for the first time, Patrick thanks him: "I've never done that before with a guy, and I was getting a little scared that I was gonna let you leave here without us having done that, so thank you for making that happen for us." There's an undercurrent of relief to their relationship, in a way that there generally doesn't need to be for straight couples. Both David and Patrick are on new ground — Patrick because he's never dated a man before, David because all of his previous relationships have been flings with people who were unkind — but their relationship isn't so much a giddy crush as it is a comfortable exhale.

A turning point in David and Patrick's romance comes when Patrick decides to hold an open mic night in their newly opened general store. David frets that it will be "scary [and] embarrassing" to be "sung at" in front of a crowd by the man he is dating, but Patrick — who is patient with David's foibles but knows when to push him — goes ahead with his plan. In one of the show's most intimate scenes, Patrick sings a stripped-down, "butter-voiced" cover of Tina Turner's "Simply the Best" as the camera gradually pulls focus away from the crowd. By the end, it's as if there's no one in the room but Patrick, David, and Moira, whose support for her son loads the romantic scene with David's long history of insecurities. As good as Patrick sounds, what really seems to stun David is how nice it is to be appreciated. The moment encapsulates the way Schitt's Creek pierces its characters' armor and lets them know that they are safe — that the mortifying ordeal of being seen can actually be sweet.

The importance of being seen is a recurring thread in David and Patrick's story. David, who carries the trauma of an emotionally unavailable family and a string of bad relationships, is hesitant to reveal too much of himself, preferring to present a curated image. Reassuring her skittish son, Moira tells him, "[Patrick] sees you. For all that you are." So when David needs to extend an olive branch to Patrick, the clearest way to tell his boyfriend how much he trusts him is to make a public spectacle of himself — to let himself be seen. He echoes Patrick's song back to him, performing a lip sync to "Simply the Best" in the middle of the store. "You know people can see you, right?" Patrick teases, winking at the fact that the audience is the point. This is a queer experience that Schitt's Creek makes universal: If you want to be loved, you cannot hide.

And yet even in a TV universe that insistently advocates for being seen, the show isn't cavalier about coming out. Schitt's Creek comes closest to dealing with homophobia directly when David invites Patrick's parents to town for a surprise party, not realizing that they don't yet know that his partnership with their son goes beyond business. Patrick expects David to be hurt that he's been keeping their relationship a secret, but David fully supports Patrick's right to tell his parents on his terms and regrets robbing his boyfriend of that choice. "I know my parents are good people," Patrick says. "I just can't shake this fear that there is a small chance that this could change everything. That they might see me differently, or treat me differently." Schitt's Creek understands that being seen doesn't always lead to being accepted. But Patrick's parents are fine with the fact that he's gay; they just wish he'd felt comfortable telling them sooner.

Dan Levy has referred to the decision not to give a voice to homophobia as "the only political stand [he's] taken as a showrunner." Speaking at a cast roundtable, Levy said, "We learn by what we watch. And even if you're presenting someone who puts out that energy, there is someone who will watch that and side with it." As long as homophobia persists, there will still be TV shows dismantling it, but too many shows don't know any other way to find drama in LGBTQ stories. In relegating bigotry to the shadows, Schitt's Creek leaves room to focus on the interior lives of all its characters, regardless of their sexuality, which does more to humanize those characters and make their experiences real. "If you take the hate out," Levy said, "if you take the rules that are dictating who you can love, how you can love them, what kind of people are good people, what kind of people are bad people, you're only left with joy, which can only have an enlightening effect on whoever's watching it."

Every obstacle to happiness is ultimately internal on Schitt's Creek, and every solution is found in trusting others. Alexis goes back to high school to finish her degree and worries the kids are passing notes about her; they are, but the notes are full of compliments. Stevie fears that she's watching the world pass her by from behind a desk, only to own the stage in a triumphant local production of Cabaret. And it's that production, not the movie Moira films as her comeback vehicle, that becomes Moira's passion project in the fifth season because she's already grown to care about the town more than she knows. The show doesn't just radiate joy in queer relationships; it graciously extends that energy to every character, presenting a world where everyone who takes a leap lands on their feet, often with a round of applause. Late in Season 5, Patrick proposes to David by looking back on a time when he wasn't sure if he'd ever have the courage to tell him how he felt. He gives him a set of four gold rings, exact replicas of David's own silver rings. Acceptance is like that on Schitt's Creek: being seen as you already are, but gold.

[thefilmsnob]

Little Women: ****1/2 out of 5

Period pieces have gained a reputation (unfairly) for being stuffy, slow, pretentious work meant for people of a certain age. The new movie, Little Women, which is actually the seventh adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s iconic 1868 novel of the same name, may seem like that on the surface, from its 19th century setting to its reputation as a ‘literary classic’ to the abundance of petticoats and candlelight.

But it also has the prodigious Greta Gerwig as its writer and director and just as she crafted Lady Bird into a surprisingly light and sensible dramedy from what could’ve been weighed down by angsty navel-gazing, she does so once again with her latest feature. Like many period pieces, it will garner its nominations, but not because of the stereotypes that come with the genre.

Gerwig, a skilled actor before getting behind the camera, is a filmmaker of impressive economy. Like her work on Lady Bird, she keeps scenes brisk and to the point with decisive cuts. The dialogue is snappy and natural sounding, infused with her distinct brand of levity. She retains the syntax of 19th century English but makes the characters feel like humans instead of artifacts.

She also deviates from the source material with a non-linear approach, beginning the story with the March sisters already grown up and facing the challenges of being young women in 1868. The first scene establishes this perfectly. We’re introduced to Josephine ‘Jo’ March (Saoirse Ronan, possibly our greatest sub-30 actress), the second oldest of four sisters, now a teacher in New York who’s come to see an editor to get a story published. The editor, played by the reliable Tracy Letts, entertains her request, sure, but demands considerable edits and insists the story be ‘short and spicy. And if the main character’s a girl, make sure she’s married by the end. Or dead, either way.’

No doubt Gerwig is a progressive who’s invested deeply in the struggles of women, but her work isn’t so heavy-handed; she relies more on smart, witty exchanges like the one above to deliver her message in place of maudlin speeches that use guilt as a weapon for change. Ultimately, she’s interested in telling a story about dynamic characters rather than giving a sermon.

These characters, fortunately, are freed from the burden of sainthood and allowed to be normal yet complicated individuals. Jo is independent, artistic and somewhat of a revolutionary, but also, she can be stubborn and inconsiderate. Amy, the youngest sister played by this year’s breakout star Florence Pugh, is prone to tantrums and her sibling rivalry with Jo even leads her to burn one of Jo’s manuscripts. You don’t condone the behaviour, but you can’t hate the girl either; she’s the painter in the family whose artistic tenacity and astute awareness of her social and legal constraints are too respectable to ignore. At the start of the film, she’s in Paris with her wealthy and demanding aunt (Meryl Streep, always perfection) who constantly implores the girls to know their place and marry rich.

Margaret or Meg (Emma Watson), the eldest sister, ignores her and marries a man of little means. However, she also ignores Jo who’s averse to the very idea of marriage. Meg’s gift is acting, but, unlike the other sisters, her focus shifts drastically from art to family, a detail that Gerwig treats with equal respect. She’s the most level-headed and diplomatic of the bunch. And then there’s Elizabeth, played by Eliza Scanlen, who’s the least famous of the four actresses, but considering her work on HBO’s Sharp Objects, that should even out soon. Her character, the pianist, is also the least developed and more of a plot device than the other sisters.

Their present-day stories are put on hold as we’re whisked back to 1861 when they were littler women living together with their mother, Marmee (Laura Dern, marvelous), in Concord, Massachusetts. These time shifts are constant and admittedly disorienting at first, but they also encourage our deeper focus and investment. And if you comply, you’ll notice the contrasting colour palettes used to distinguish past from present, the past bathed in reds and oranges to reflect warmth, family, security, hope. The drab blues and greys of the present suggest a more somber and lonely time for the girls when the struggles of adulthood creep in. But, Gerwig and cinematographer Yorick Le Saux are too shrewd in their art to impose a strict ‘happy vs sad’ comparison; the colours are used to enrich the tones, not polarize them.

It’s simply a joy to watch these sisters interact with one another and experience the ups and downs of life, a lower class one with a father (Bob Odenkirk) off fighting in the Civil War. Though it’s been established that no one here is perfect, Marmee certainly comes close. You’d be hard-pressed to find a kinder, gentler soul in film; she even convinces her apprehensive daughters to give their Christmas breakfast to their poor neighbours. Dern has the uncanny ability to play vain, callous individuals in some projects (Big Little Lies, Marriage Story) only to transform into angelic figures in others (Wild). She’s obviously the latter here and it brings the family and the audience great comfort.

It also brings great karma as their wealthy neighbour, Mr. Laurence (Chris Cooper), leaves the Marsh clan a Christmas breakfast to replace the other one. And Mr. Laurence’s son Theodore, or ‘Laurie’, provides pain and joy, complication and clarity. Played by Timothee Chalamet (Ronin’s counterpart in that sub-30 category), he’s a huge part of their collective lives and emotional development. Like most of the others, he’s by turns utterly charming and frustrating but never unappealing.

And, so, we continue to watch these little women learn, struggle, make mistakes and grow as the past is juxtaposed with the present and the characters strive for some form of freedom. Certain characters think they know what that is and try to force their beliefs on others, soon to realize that what you choose to do with your life is irrelevant; it’s having the choice itself that matters. Although, if you pass on Little Women, you’ve almost certainly made the wrong choice.

[chaldealast]

PSEUDO-SINGULARITY: THE UNDERGROUND WORLD OF AGARTHA.

or, charri’s attempt to rewrite the singularity! / @savepnt​ requested to be @’ed 

Something I liked about this Singularity is the interplay between order and chaos, a perfect example of what happens when the good intentions of humans-- to protect their own, to live a happy life, to eradicate injustice-- are taken to their extremes, and become fetters which imprison humans in their own ideals. In contrast to the “Human Evils” of Shinjuku, Agartha displays the “Good Intentions” of humanity, and challenges the protagonist to consider their own ideals at the same time. The “Utopia” is an extremely important aspect, given the wish fulfilled by the Demon Pillar in this Singularity is “safety”. 

Where good, evil, and neutrality all lead to destruction and stagnation, what is the correct choice?

So, with that all in mind, I thought I’d outline what my own Ritsuka was experiencing this Singularity, as far as canon goes. Though I’m mainly just taking the parts I like, and deleting the rest. A lot of it, I’m writing down my own perspective for. (...So I thought, and then I got to chapter 10...) 

Other Master muses are free to take what they want from this, or even adopt it as their version of Agartha. I just had fun doing it ‘w’

AGARTHA: CONTINENT UNDER THE EARTH. 

Mission: Find the missing Servants, destroy the Demon God Pillar, and retrieve the Holy Grail. 

Factions:    Ys, City of Hedonism: A watertop city of pirates who plunder, drink, and kill as they like without thought to anyone else, under the leadership of the Pirate Princess who uses and casts out, taking joy only in the pursuit.    El Dorado, the Golden City: A territory along a riverbed, housing Amazons who perfect their bodies in combat, and reject the presence of men, led by a merciless General who will chase out threats with the vigor of a wild beast.     Bu Ye Cheng, the Nightless City: A golden city in the underground, gleaming with bright lights even at night; though perfectly orderly at first glance, corruption runs deeply through its roots. Its leader stays out of its people’s view, but their lackeys patrol the streets, crushing any sign of resistance.    Shangri-La, the Utopian Valley: A land of eternal springtime, serving as the headquarters of the Resistance. Led by a Servant who’s lost his memory, Rider, they slowly build their forces and take in fallen refugees, biding their time before the ultimate battle... 

What I’d do here is, of course, take out the gendered violence and have each city focused less on “abuse men because that’s our author’s kink >:(” and more on pressuring surrounding territories to accept their ideals / raiding them for treasure and profit / protecting their own people from harm. They each believe that their way of life will make their people happy. That is the ultimate goal of a leader, and thus the ultimate ideal behind each faction, even the Resistance (who bear a similarity to El Dorado). 

Columbus gets turned into mana prisms and a different sailing Servant takes his place; I personally nominate Topa Inca Yupanqui, legendary Incan ruler who scouted the Pacific on a ten-month voyage. It’s important that the Servant be a sailor, but I personally don’t care for Chris Combustion to be a Servant at all. Sure, it should be someone vaguely connected to the concepts of Agartha, but I think "emperor of a disappeared (read: obliterated and colonized) empire” fits the general setting, especially given the inclusion of El Dorado. 

Support: Astolfo (Caster, wielding the Book of Logistilla), Arturia Pendragon (Assassin, wielding Carnwennan)

I chose Support Servants out of their usual class, because this story is supposed to be fantastical and unusual, so even Servants summoned from Chaldea have a strange role to play. I also chose Servants with “Lawful Good” and “Chaotic Good” alignments to go with the theme of this Singularity.

I’d also change the Servant bonus to be those with “Lawful” or “Chaotic” attributes. 

Opposing Servants:     Assassin of the Nightless City, Wu Zetian; Caster of the Nightless City, Scheherazade; Berserker of El Dorado, Penthesilea; Pirate Princess, Dahut; Giant Berserker Herakles Megalos; and Chosen of the Mahatmas, Ascendant Blavatsky.     “There were those who only loved to plunder, those who sought safety in law, and those who sought safety in isolation and eradication. Then, of course, there was the woman who thought she was the next Messiah...”

...

Agartha, a Pseudo-Singularity existing under the earth, where nothing should live, yet magical energy disrupts the normal flow of time and space, as usual. 

“Also, it appears some Servants have disappeared from Chaldea, and the Singularity is likely to blame, so keep an eye out for them, would you? ☆”

As if they had a choice! 

Thrust suddenly into this mysterious, alien world, under attack by three factions, the Chaldea party escapes south to an idyllic garden, and meet the Rider in charge of those holding their ground in this dangerous place. 

...

All that said, the twist would have to be completely rewritten, huh... 

This much is obvious already, but spoilers ahoy!

Where in this Singularity, Columbus seeks to create a nation of women to serve his every need, I think it’s much more interesting for the ultimate goal to be the creation of a “civilization of eternal happiness”. That is, a place where all people are gathered, and sacrificed to the Root for the sake of the ideal utopia. 

That said, a person whose ideals don’t reflect either modern civilization or ancient cultures, but instead a person who, from the start, believes in a careful balance of both; and yet who has a strong, stirring belief in a utopic vision. The Servant who disappeared from Chaldea-- Madame Blavatsky, who hears and obeys the voices of Mahatma, clearer than ever with her closeness to the core of this world (the “untruth” bestowed by Scheherazade). She manipulates Rider using the “grail-like boxes” discovered in the Dragon Temple, while biding her time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to reveal herself. Meanwhile, the party recovers a weapon from Shangri-La, said to have been owned by King Solomon: the Singing Sword, a sword which would always grant victory if wielded for a good cause.

As expected, the battle against Helena, Rider, and Heracles is almost impossible, but somehow the Chaldea party manages to not only survive, but defeat the trio. Then there’s only Caster, Scheherazade, and her City in the Sky; I think this part is rather realistic, given the twisting of her personality with the “teaching” of the Demon Pillar, Phenex-- the one said to converse in rhymes, and who hopes to return to Heaven, but is deceived in this wish. 

One who cannot die, and one who wishes not to die. Those who reject order and chaos, searching for perfect equilibrium-- stasis-- unchanging. 

Scheherazade’s fear isn’t towards men, specifically, in this rewrite. It’s more towards brutality-- so she materializes those she sees as brutal: the torturers, the warriors, the scholar-kings, and the plunderers. Phenex, likewise, seeks to eliminate “ignorance” and “knowledge” to achieve equilibrium and stagnation, ultimately creating an unchanging utopia.

(”Ignorance”, the unknown and unthought (chaos); and “Knowledge”, the root of progress (order). Mystery is a ‘thought, but not confirmed’ spectrum between the two, and the realm of magic and magecraft.)

Bearing the Singing Sword, the party is able to counteract Phenex’s ability, and destroy him for good. Scheherazade, after talking with Ritsuka, makes the decision to choose her own ending: one where she, neither king nor servant, neither dead nor alive, can finally smile and laugh. 

As Laputa disappears-- it’s time for this “story” to end. 

[twobitmulder]

On Spider-Man, Reboots, and the Future of the X-Men

A while ago I made a post called “Thoughts on MCU Peter Parker and Reboots” which ended up being mostly an examination (or rant) on why MCU Peter doesn’t work for me and was kind of soft on the analysis of reboots. Now, with the announcement that Sony and Marvel’s Spidey deal has fallen through, I thought I’d take another crack as examining why reboots lead to less than stellar versions of characters, and why it’s got me scarred for the X-Men to join the MCU.

Now, right off the bat I feel I should say that I’m not against reboots and re-imaginings. I think The Incredible Hulk is broadly better than the Ang Lee Hulk. I think the 1999 Mummy is better than the 1932 classic. Reboots can be a radical re-imagining, a second draft, or even an examination of different facets of the character (like how Lettier’s Hulk focused more on the lonely wanderer in search of a cure, while Lee’s focused on the father issues). This works especially for long running characters who have a lot of material to work with.

I think my problem with MCU Spidey starts with the way that Sony and Marvel approached the idea of the reboot. The Amazing Spider-Man with Andrew Garfield felt the need to be radically different from the Rami films. The Rami films played all the silver age comic book tropes gleefully straight. An old fashioned news room, his start in wrestling, and the campy villains. It exists in a sort of anachronism stew to borrow the TVTropes term, much like Burton’s Batman.

Webb’s films tried to find their own voice by pushing Peter back into high school and making them a little more deliberately modern. They used a more modern incarnation of Peter as opposed to the good natured Silver Age doofus that Tobey Maguire played. Garfield’s Peter is probably my favorite, and the one who feels closest to my ideal comics Peter, but that’s not really the point here. The point is, he HAD to be different otherwise people would accuse it of being the same thing over again.

So there we were with (in my opinion) someone who acted a little more like the Peter I knew growing up, who occupied a more familiar world, but we also had to gloss over his rivalry with Osborne because it had already been done. This was a criminal waste of Chris Cooper and Dane Dehaan, who were fantastic choices for those characters, but more to the point, it shows how this could not just be a second draft. It had to be different, which meant that even if it fixed some things that Raimi might not have hit the mark on, it also got rid of things that he had done right. The Osborne’s, the Bugle, and Mary Jane (well, he didn’t quite to MJ right, but the fact that she had already been used probably spurred the switch to Gwen).

Then when those flopped Peter joined the MCU. I remember reading that in my dorm room my first year of undergrad and whooping with joy. I thought about his relationship with Daredevil, who we knew was coming, and Captain America. Having Osborne be an Avengers level threat who battles Peter on the lawn of the White House while the Sinister SIx hold the Avengers at bay (Bendis’ Ultimate Spider-Man was the saving grace of the Ultimate Universe). Feige promised Peter would have a “non-stop wit.” It was all coming together.

Civil War came out and he seemed a little tacked on but it didn’t matter because he was there. Sure Stark gave him his suit, but he had designed the prototype and there was no way they’d make Peter the science genius dependent on Tony Stark.

“Weary sigh.”

I want to like the MCU Spider-Man so bad, Everyone else likes him. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I already went over why I don’t care for him, so I’ll skip that*. Once again, the point is, this one HAD to be different. Because he was back with Marvel we had been given the implicit promise of a fully realized comic accurate Spider-Man, fixing everything Webb and Raimi (read Sony) had gotten wrong.

The problem was that Webb and Raimi had gotten a lot right. So MCU Spidey glossed over Uncle Ben “because it had been done before.” He never clashed with Oscorpe or the Goblins “because it had already been done before.” There was no selling pictures to the Bugle “because it had already been done before”*. 

He didn’t make quips because everyone else was funny and he had to be the wide eyed kid, played younger and less mature than Garfield or Maguire. And (okay a little bit of whining from me) he had to rely on Tony Stark because we had to be reminded that now he was part of the MCU. 

The MCU Spidey got a lot right and some of their updates worked for the better. I love that Peter and May live in a small apartment instead of a house because they’re poor and New York is expensive. I like that his school feels like a real high school, with kids who basically act like kids. I like that he has a confidant (Ned Leeds was a weird choice, I’d have gone with Hobie Brown, Deb Whitman, or Kenny Kong, but I like the character anyway). I love love love their takes on Vulture and my favorite Spidey Rogue Mysterio. But, in their drive to be different from the past iterations they changed the character a little too drastically. It wasn’t a third draft to get Spider-Man right, it was a bottom up reimagining that (my opinion only) jettisoned a lot of what makes the character compelling.

Now he’s apparently gone from the future of the MCU and honestly, personally, I’m kind of relieved. I’m glad he’s indelibly a full fledged part of the MCU narrative, and he got to see the Infinity Saga through to the end, but I don’t think I could have taken another movie of Peter becoming Stark’s Robin just to be different from what came before.

This all brings us to the X-Men. I love the X-Men. I love Gambit, Nightcrawler, Rogue, Kitty Pryde, Iceman, Cyclops and all the rest (but them first and foremost). I love the place Mutants have in the Marvel Universe and the potential for clashes with other heroes and compelling stories to be told about the nature of marginalization and identity. The problem is, the previous X-Men movies covered those bases from a lot of different angles and my fear is that when they join the MCU they’ll be so concerned with being different that they’ll forget what makes them the X-Men*.

In the end, we still have years of comics and alternate universes, cartoons and canon that we can pick and choose from. It’s just so frustrating because we were so close to a perfect unified cinematic universe like we’d only ever dreamed of. We all have different bits of it that we wish had been done better, but I suppose the mere fact that it exists in any form is pretty damn cool.

*Except to say that, as Gail Simone so eloquently put it in an otherwise positive review of Far From Home, Holland’s Spider-Man isn’t the everyman who mocks the rich and powerful, he worships them and wants to be their friend.

*While I was happy to see the Jameson, Simmons, and the Daily Bugle return, and while I can’t deny that turning him into a lunatic pundit makes sense for the character as he’s portrayed in Spider-Man, I think that modern superhero stories have a problem with the old school journalist characters. Yes in real life print journalism isn’t what it used to be, but if we can accept superpowers, alien warlords, and good hearted billionaires surely we can accept the fantasy of a newspaper that still functions like they used to.

*I don’t have this worry for Fantastic Four (my first favorite superheroes) because while the Tim Story movies were close (and Trank’s reboot is emblematic of this whole issue on a massive scale) they haven’t been in the public consciousness and had a continued presence like Spidey and the X-Men so there’s less need to “be different” and more opportunity to actually get to the core of the FF the way they did with Captain America and Thor.

[lightandwinged]

So I saw The Movie. Spoilers--good, bad (or neutral), and ugly--below. Spoiler-free: not as good as the first Avengers, but better by far than AoU. 

The Good

This film made me even more furious with Joss Whedon, solely because it proves that the problems in AoU were of his own making, namely his inability to handle too many characters and therefore incompetence when it comes to a film of this type. The Russo brothers took a very smart approach to this, in that they knew they couldn’t take the time to give all of the good guys the characterization they’d have gotten in a film with a smaller cast, so they basically made Thanos the main character, which is really what should’ve happened with Ultron but inexplicably did not happen. 

And man, what a joy Thanos is as a character. So many superhero villains are so kind of... one dimensional, tbh. Or not one dimensional, but rather, they seem to have an understanding that what they’re doing is evil or, if they don’t have that understanding, a lack of real conviction. They’re nascent Sith, in a sense, running on either the sheer joy of being cruel or on a heightened desire for vengeance. They can be a lot of fun, don’t get me wrong, but they seem, for lack of a better word, like cartoon villains. 

They’re fun, like I said, and the world is full of people who are just... evil for the sake of being evil (as we’ve found out in the last ~2+ years more than a lot of us realized, I think), but they get tired when they’re the villain of everything. Chaotic Evil, in other words, gets less compelling when it’s all you see. It becomes the same person with a different mask, 9/10 times, which I’m sure contributes a lot to superhero movie fatigue. 

Thanos, though, I enjoyed because he was 100% convinced that what he was doing was for the good of the universe. Ultron was trying to go there, I think, but Whedon handled it with about as much delicacy as a bull in a china shop (Ultron is mostly redeemed by his being played by James Spader, who is a delight at all times, but that also ends up being his downfall because you get the feeling that he’s winking at the audience the entire time... “I’m saying this with conviction, but here’s a quip to show that I know I’m evil.”). Thanos actually felt real. He felt like he believed everything he was saying, like he truly thought he was doing the universe a mercy, that he was the good guy. 

And that doesn’t redeem him by any means (incoming people screeching about how I’m downplaying genocide or stanning because dude’s evil, y’all), but it makes him infinitely more compelling, and GOD, that is refreshing. It’s the same way that Killmonger was refreshing because, even though you don’t agree with it, you see his point. I mean, who among us that’s worked retail hasn’t wanted to snap our fingers and make half of humanity vanish? It’s been more than a decade since my last retail position, and I still have those days.

On a different level, it’s that garbage that gets pushed by freshman level philosophy students who are like “people should stop having babies” because that, not a mismanagement of resources by the wealthy and powerful, is why there’s scarcity. It’s rubbish, absolute rubbish (and it doesn’t work because science tells us that the universe, that all of existence, is infinite... and fuck, the movie’s science tells us that as well--Bananabread Cabletelevision had his little moment of hunting for spoilers and only got through about 1.4 million of the unending possibilities that exist BUT I DIGRESS), but at first blush, you ask yourself, “Wait, does he have a point?” No, he does not.

A rundown of other Goods:

Look, Thor in lightning form is the sexiest creature in existence. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. 

Also I appreciated him getting another smushface. And then the immediately following Battle of the Chrises (all I’m saying is that if there’s not a threeway Chris standoff in Part Deux, I’ll be very sad. Also, someone please cast Chris Pine in Captain Marvel, he needs to spend the rest of eternity watching powerful women heroes in awe).

The people who were allowed gave fantastic performances. RDJ will be sorely missed as Iron Man (because if y’all think he’s living past the next film, I’m sorry for your loss), and of the good guys, I felt like he came the closest to being the main character here. Which has been true of the other Avengers films as well, so that’s nice to see. Ultimately, these first three phases of the MCU were Tony Stark’s story, and that finale will be really... well, painful. 

Other great performances: Tom Holland (darling baby child, I wept for you), Mark Ruffalo (good at constipation), Bagels Cucumbers (that hurts to admit, he’s the Worst, but damn if he isn’t a good actor), Zoe Saldana (you’d better come back), Chris Hemsworth (as always), Paul Bettany (NOOO), and Elizabeth Olsen (poor darling). 

The humor was nicely balanced, not fourth-wall breaking like you get in the Whedon Avengerses, but logical. It was kind of like exhaling: inhale the action and serious stakes, exhale the humor. It allowed breathing room in all the intensity, so that was great.

Also how can I have missed Wakanda that much if it’s only been like... not even two months since I saw Black Panther?

Look, if the next movie involves just one scene--just one!--of Okoye, Nat, and Wanda fighting together, my ticket will have been worth its price.

Related, Proxima Midnight is (a) literally the coolest name for anyone ever, and (b) my wife now.

The Neutral-Bad

Or, really, more the expected. 

In any ensemble movie, you’re going to have a lot of characters whose purpose is just to step on scene, state their name and allegiance, and then fade into the background. This ended up being the case with pretty much all of Team Cap, and it was to their detriment. They had their shining moments (”Earth just lost her greatest defender” made me ship things like FedEx), but as opposed to the group above, they didn’t really have a lot to do? Or even really much in the way of reactions? They just sort of... came and saw and fought and that was it. 

It felt a lot like nobody knew what to do with those characters, which is fair enough, but it also felt like they were wasted, and they shouldn’t have been. If I had to guess, I’d guess that the writers had to pick and choose which good guys they wanted to focus on and which new Avengers and old Avengers would get the attention. Tony because these films have been basically a huge Iron Man series. Thor because I think? the plot requires him to be Important, as per comic books. But as much as I adore Thor, I wish there had been a focus on Steve more. With Tony, you’ve got the plot of “oh my god Thanos, the thing I’ve been afraid of since 2008″ but maybe Steve could’ve had more of a reluctant plot, like he’s been heroing all this time but all he’s gotten for it is locked up and exiled and shit? I don’t know, point is that if Captain America is going to be so prominent in the MCU logo, he should get a bigger slice of the plot pie.

Also I’m annoyed with Gamora’s passing, though I wouldn’t call it a complete fridging because it wasn’t just for mangst. It was just mostly for mangst. Either way, though, I think that’s the death (besides the end ones) that bothered me the most. It didn’t feel unnecessary and was probably the most shocking, when you look at it objectively (more on that in a second), but... I don’t know, it bothered me, but I can’t 100% put my finger on why/how. I do appreciate, though, that it gave Gamora a decent arc in the film. 

Anyway, to the deaths. The presumable permadeaths (Heimdall, Loki, and Gamora) were, for the most part, unsurprising. The Thor trilogy is over, so Heimdall and Loki end up being kind of extra weight, the former because he doesn’t have a lot to do that’s not in a role filled by another character, and the latter because the only other way he could’ve worked in this film was as an eleventh hour heroic sacrifice, and that feels almost too woobie-ish, like beyond Zuko levels of woobie. 

The Great Dust Rapture at the end was also fairly unsurprising, mostly because there’s no way a good chunk of those characters aren’t coming back. At least two have sequels literally named after them coming out sometime in the next couple of years; as I also pointed out to Kyle, “Look, Gamora may be dead forever, but if the rest of the Guardians remain dust, GotG3 will just be The Adventures of Rocket Raccoon Being Very Sad.” The non-dusted bunch are the OG Avengers, plus or minus a few friends; the stakes for the next film are, therefore, a LOT higher, since all the OG Avengers have finished their trilogies and, should they survive, will probably only ever show up again in cameos. We know T’Challa and Peter Parker and the Guardians of the Galaxy and probably Dr. Strange and everyone still have Things To Do. 

But the OG Avengers do not, and they couldn’t really kill off the main characters of the franchise with one film to go, so...

(also, calling it now: the next film is going to be The Avengers: Rebirth. I will put money on it)

The Ugly

But HNNGH. Okay.

I 100% understand the choices they made with the dustinatings, but like... there’s no suspense whatsoever. If Marvel didn’t release their film titles 6000 years in advance, maybe the stakes would’ve been stakier, but as it stands, it’s like... come on people. 

You know what would’ve worked way better and made for stakier stakes? Don’t kill off the main characters from franchises that still have sequels coming out. Kill off sidekicks. T’Challa doesn’t die, but maybe M’baku or Okoye does. Spare at least three of the Guardians of the Galaxy. Leave Peter Parker’s fate uncertain (though his death scene was literally the only one that made me tear up because TOM HOLLAND IS JUST THAT GOOD, DARLING FROG-IN-MOUTH BOY). Bucky, Sam, Nick Fury, Maria Hill--they can remain dusted. But if you want to keep the stakes for the second film while actually letting us believe that there won’t be any resurrections this time, maybe don’t kill people who we know will be back in various MCU films at future dates. 

It’s like I keep thinking when I watch trailers for Solo or literally any prequel anything: the problem with 99% of prequels is that we know who lives and who doesn’t, so giving us trailer shots of Chewbacca in danger, for example, is like trying to play peek-a-boo with an adult. We have object permanence, it’s not surprising when you pull your hands away and your face is still there. It’s not surprising that Chewbacca isn’t going to get his face bashed away by a rock. It’s not surprising that somehow, in Avengers Four: You Asked For More, all the dusted people with eponymous films coming up will be back. 

Another big plot hole: why didn’t Dr. Strange go and do his future vision the second a giant green man fell into his living room? Bruce, as Bruce, tells him “Thanos is coming for the macguffins” and then he goes and spends the next 5 minutes going through possibilities and then figures out the very easy way to solve the thing. 

That easy way? Just have Wanda destroy the time stone. Now we’re not panicking about taking out Vision’s brain as fast as we can (point: that scene was unrealistic, Shuri would’ve actually had it done in about 13 seconds flat) and Thanos has lost and maybe he goes around killing people manually but at least he can’t rewind time if things don’t go his way. 

The movie didn’t do this, obviously, but it’s one of those things where it’s like “if your audience can figure out a better way of doing things before the credits even fucking roll, maybe revise your script.”

(if Carrie Fisher had been alive to script doctor this shit, we wouldn’t have this problem, universe)

Other big frustration: does every Avengers film really need Thor to go on an epic quest away from everyone else for half the film? Don’t get me wrong, it was pretty cool to see him jumpstart a sun and see Peter Dinklage being huge (all I’m saying is that if Disney ever acquires the rights to the X-Men, things are going to get very confusing) and see a new Mjolnir-like-object, but oh. my. god. Every time those scenes were happening, I felt like it was a bathroom break. Like legit, that fucking ax had better cleave Thanos in half in the next movie because otherwise, that was so much wasted time that could’ve been devoted to literally anything else. 

Final Miscellaneous Thoughts

Maybe this means that GotG3 will be about Peter Quill actually growing up and dealing with his issues. I hope it does. 

Also, Nebula/Tony Stark road trip back to earth? I’m all about it. 

Wonder Woman would’ve ended this all in about 30 seconds flat, which is why Captain Marvel can’t show up until the next film. 

The next film is literally going to be at least 90 minutes of Thanos refusing to interact with anyone trying to kill him because he’s on vacation and fuck you. 

Literally why does anyone still live in NYC in the MCU? The first movie would’ve been enough to convince me to move to a cornfield in Nebraska and just stay there for eternity. 

“Thanos will return.” Along with literally everyone else SERIOUSLY THIS IS NOT SUSPENSEFUL MARVEL AAAAAAUGH.

[a-mellowtea]

This is a little bit delayed, ‘cause I’ve been having some issues with internet. It’s back for now, so... lemme talk some Avengers: Infinity War. 

First off, as a non-spoilery general recap of my thoughts: it was enjoyable. It had its problems, some rather large, but I loved it for what it was. I went in with no expectations beyond trailer hype and was thoroughly shaken and surprised.

From here, I’m getting into some detail so there will be spoilers below the cut. You have been warned.

I’m going to start off with what I didn’t like, because while I’m seeing it again on Sunday, these are initial thoughts and I’d best get the bad out of the way before I forget the specifics.

THOR: RAGNAROK

If there’s one aspect of the movie I can say that I outright - or damn near - hated, it’s the unraveling of Thor: Ragnarok. In a way, I can see what the Russos were going for - it showcases Thanos’ warped idea of mercy by mercilessly slaughtering a people with nowhere to run, who had just lost their home, all for the sake of getting the Space stone. 

However, and as the end credits of the aforementioned Thor movie demonstrated, this is directly after Thor: Ragnarok - I’m talking minutes. Realistic in its unfairness as it may be, all it feels like is a cheap shot. Thor: Ragnarok ended with hope; with Thor on the throne, his people bruised but having survived, and Loki choosing to stay. Infinity War begins with Valkyrie dead in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it shot (I’m not... too angry at that, but I understand why some are and it’s rightly so), Thor beaten, and Heimdall and Loki’s deaths.

Was it a good punch to start the movie off with? Certainly. The scenes were great. Heimdall’s final act giving Earth a warning. Thanos beating Hulk. Loki not being able to bear seeing Thor in agony, him calling himself ‘Odinson’, using his classic trickery to try and kill Thanos. It was very well done.

Was it worth undoing almost the entire previous movie? No.

On top of that, we see Thor regain his eye (in a way) and a new, more powerful weapon. In the end, it simply felt as though Ragnarok was rendered a little... pointless.

KICKING CHARACTERS WHILE THEY’RE DOWN

This is an odd, sort of bottom-of-the-barrel downside for me, as I went into the movie having read the comics and fully aware that this was meant to be the low point for the characters of the Marvel Universe. That being said, there’s a certain point where it just starts to feel like a bit... too much?

The character I want to mention most here is Wanda (though the ‘they were so close!’ fight on Titan is an instance of it as well). I was surprised that the Russos went in for her romance with Vision, then ultimately had her actually kill him. The scene was beautiful in its tragedy at that, at least for me - I know some people adamantly dislike their relationship, and that’s perfectly fine.

For a second, while the ultimate outcome is hilariously predictable, the movie gets hopeful again. One of the Infinity Stones is destroyed. The good guys have a chance. But then Thanos gets it anyways, effectively letting Wanda know that she failed, making her watch Vision die again, and actually leading to her ‘death’.

There’s a fine line in writing. Your audience should, under most circumstances and to my knowledge, never feel like things are completely hopeless. That leads to a loss of investment. For me, the Russos just stumbled over that line, and it was irritating.

This also ties into another point about how the movie treats its female characters, which I’ve decided not to get into because I chose to avoid the topic most of the time. All I’ll say is that, while characters like Natasha, Gamora, Wanda, Shuri and Okoye get the limelight and are as badass as ever (whew, man, they were stellar), their treatment from a writing standpoint is somewhat disappointing.

PACING

Another rather minor, very subjective issue I had with the movie was its pacing. Some scenes felt like they lingered just long enough, while other plot threads felt like they weren’t given nearly enough time.

However, I fully understand that there’s only so much the film could do with its 2h 40min runtime and that it’s insanely difficult to balance everything you need to fit in there. Thankfully, I will say that there’s not much if anything I feel could’ve been taken out of the film to lessen this problem.

Upon initial viewing, that is all I can honestly say I disliked. Onto what I did, because there was some incredible stuff in this movie. That basically encapsulates everything I didn’t mention above, but there are a few things I loved that I feel are worth specifically mentioning.

PERFORMANCES

Everyone's acting was stellar. From Chris Evans to Tom Holland and everyone in between, the entire cast brought their A-game and it was a joy to watch.

THE DEATHS

Oh-ho man. It wouldn't be Infinity War without some genuinely heart-wrenching moments, and the film was not short on them. Thor losing legitimately everything made me want to curl into the fetal position. Gamora realizing she’s the one thing Thanos loves and her subsequent forced sacrifice broke my heart. Our baby Peter Parker dissolving into ash took about 5 years off my life. It was good.

I know some people - rightly - feel that almost every death was a cheap shot, and the entire movie itself crumbled at the supports because we know there are sequels coming for many of the ‘killed’ characters, and many others who they’d have to be out of their minds to get rid of. For me, while knowing that takes away from it after the fact, it didn’t so much in the moment.

THE MUSIC

Alan Silvestri was brought back, and I honestly have yet to be disappointed by this man’s work. I cannot tell you how loud the cheers were in my showing when the original Avengers theme first began to blare, nor can I put into words the stunned silence as the soft piano rendition of the aforementioned theme brought the film to a close. It was phenomenal.

THANOS

I love to hate him and hate to love him. He’s not a perfect villain, and perhaps not Marvel’s best - they’ve always had trouble in that field - but for what he was, he was fantastic. He wasn’t sympathetic, but understandable. While his ideas of mercy and universal balance could (and probably should) be easily described as psychotic, you could honestly tell that he genuinely thought what he was doing was right. That doesn’t mean it was, but it’s a step in the right direction for Marvel’s baddies going forward.

Other small, honorable mention/moment-to-moment things I loved were Steve 'I am EXTRA’ Rogers’ entrance; “You’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards”; Red Skull; Eitri and Nidavellir; my girl, STEM super-star Shuri effortlessly schooling Banner; Peter Parker’s continuing saga of pop culture references; Thanos being the definition of amazingly petty and actually doing the snap and; cutting Samuel L. Jackson off mid-”motherfucker” (and just getting to see Hill and Fury again).

All in all and despite some glaring flaws, I can honestly say that I enjoyed Infinity War. I was definitely a sobbing mess at the end (Peter’s death is what pushed me over that particular edge) and I cannot wait for Part II/Avengers 4.

Carol! Please come unfuck this!

[aion-rsa]

Wonder Woman 1984: Ending Explained

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This article contains major Wonder Woman 1984 spoilers for the ending of the film. We have a spoiler free review here.

Wonder Woman 1984 fits a lot of story into its 2.5 hour runtime, especially in its action-packed third act as Diana faces off against not one, but two villains: Cheetah and Maxwell Lord. While audiences have been encouraged to think of the DC blockbuster as a relative standalone, there’s much about the sequel that harkens back to the first film (Steve Trevor, most of all) and there’s much about the movie that hints at what’s to come for our eponymous hero.

If you have some burning questions coming out of Wonder Woman 1984, you’re not alone. What happens at the end of the superhero sequel? What might it mean for the future of the franchise? And which characters might be back for future installments?

We have those answers and more ahead…

Will Steve Trevor Be Back?

Coming into Wonder Woman 1984, one of the central plot mysteries was: how the hell is Chris Pine back as Steve Trevor? We now know the answer: After Diana wishes on the Dreamstone for her dead beau’s return, Steve’s spirit or soul or something is resurrected in the body of a local engineer played by Kristoffer Polaha, credited only as “Handsome Man.” While the rest of the world sees the body of “Handsome Man” when they look at the Steve-possessed body, Diana only sees Steve.

Unfortunately for Steve, Diana must renounce her wish to save the world, sending Steve back from the apparently nice place from whence he came. The movie ends with Steve once again dead, probably never to return. As he tells Diana in his final scene, “I’m already gone.” 

But will he be back? It doesn’t seem likely. Wonder Woman 1984 goes out of its ways to maintain the weight of death in its world, creating a very specific scenario in which Steve and Diana can be temporarily reunited. If Wonder Woman 3 were to bring Steve back again, it would be even harder to maintain the stakes and logic of the world and, honestly, Patty Jenkins is too good of a filmmaker to make a mistake like that.

Sorry, Steve fans. Chris Pine has to go play Dungeons & Dragons now.

Wonder Woman Can Fly Now

In her heartbreak over losing Steve (again), Diana runs. Then, she flies. Using what Steve taught her about how he understands flight (“It’s so easy, really. It’s wind and air, learning how to ride it, how to catch it,”) she uses her Lasso to snag the tail of a plane that pulls her far and fast up into the sky. She spreads her arms, and catches the wind. She uses her Lasso to snag clouds and the occasional lightning bolt to propel her forward, and then she soars.

New power: unlocked.

It’s Diana’s accomplishment, but it’s also a symbol of how much Steve has affected her life. In the beginning of the movie, we see how much Diana still thinks about Steve. She tells Barbara that she still sees him sometimes, in the sky. Later, she tells Steve that she’s always thought of flight as his gift. In this way, flight becomes Steve’s parting gift to Diana. Before, she would look up to the sky and think of Steve as a plane flew overhead. Now, she gets to be the one in the sky, thinking of Steve as she does the thing he so loved.

What is the comic book precedent for this? In her original comic book incarnation, Diana couldn’t fly, but Wonder Woman has never been a character to accept limitations. During the Silver Age of Comics, Diana learned how to glide using the air currents, but it wasn’t until after the Crisis on Infinite Earths reboot that Diana full-on flew. In her post-Crisis origin story by George Perez, Diana was gifted the ability to fly from Hermes. In Wonder Woman 1984, it’s a skill she learns in the World of Men.

Patty Jenkins told Den of Geek and other outlets during a recent press junket: “I love that she learns how to fly in this emotional way, and that that metaphor stands for something for all of us, which is you have to let go and embrace the truth and things for what they are to understand that it’s just wind and air.” 

Maxwell Lord Uses a Satellite to Grant the World’s Wishes

While Diana is going on an emotional journey about Steve, Max Lord is continuing his quest for MORE—more wishes, more power, more everything. After visiting the Oval Office, he has gained access to the government’s Atmospheric Satellite Defense program (which POTUS tells us uses Star Wars technology). Using Marine One (with Barbara in tow), Lord travels to the satellite facility where he is able to simultaneously hijack every broadcast signal around the world to deliver his message: make a wish, and I will grant it.

The logic here is all a bit hand wave-y. The Dreamstone rules require that people be touching the Stone, in this case Lord, when they make their wish. Screenwriters Patty Jenkins, Geoff Johns, and David Callaham seem to be making a statement about mass media with this plot point (which isn’t so surprising, given their professions): that media has the power to “touch” people.

Regardless of the logic, people around the world start wishing, not understanding the power of their words. A Chinese woman working in a restaurant wishes to be famous, and is immediately recognized through the window. An Irish man wishes that his partner would drop dead, and she does, only moments after she wishes that all of the Irish people in the U.K. would be sent back to “where they came from.”

Elsewhere in the world, a man wishes for nukes for his country. The world erupts in chaos. The Soviet Union launches nukes towards the U.S., in retaliation for the new weapons POTUS wished for; the U.S. fires back. It’s a mess.

Wonder Woman Faces Off Against Cheetah in Asteria’s Golden Armor

Before Diana can stop Max Lord, however, she has to get through her friend, Barbara, who has entered full-on Cheetah mode. While most people only got one wish from the Dreamstone, Dr. Minerva got two. After Barbara saved him at the White House, Max told Babs: “I’ve never been one for rules … Tell me, what do you want? I’m feeling generous.” So she wishes for even greater power: “I don’t want to be like anyone anymore. I want to be #1. An apex predator, like nothing there’s ever been before.”

Yes, friends, she is now a cat.

While Barbara pretty easily dealt with a wish-weakened Diana at the White House, tossing her around like she was nothing, Cheetah ultimately proves to be no match for Diana at her full strength, in Asteria’s Golden Armor. As we learned earlier in the film, Asteria was the Amazonian’s fiercest warrior. When the Amazons escaped to Themyscira, someone had to stay behind to keep the encroaching men at bay. That person was Asteria, wearing armor forged from all of the Amazonian armor. Diana found it when she came to the World of Men, but she never found Asteria…

Cheetah claws her way through the armor’s wings, but Diana doesn’t need those—not really. After a swinging battle, Diana gives Barbara one last chance to renounce her wish. Barbara doesn’t, and Diana uses a nearby downed power line to electrocute Cheetah into submission. Does she know this won’t kill Barbara? Honestly, probably not. Who even knows the limits of a half-human, half-cheetah creature that, by wish definition, has no precedent? It doesn’t kill Barbara, though, and Diana leaves her weakened on the ground outside of the satellite facility.

Diana Uses Her Lasso to Show the World the Truth

Midway through the movie, Diana tells Steve (and us) that the Lasso of Truth doesn’t just have the power to make people tell the truth; it also has the power to make people see the truth. This comes back in a big way in the movie’s climax, when Diana furtively snakes her Lasso around Maxwell Lord’s ankle while he is broadcasting to the world in order to speak to all of the wish-makers herself, in order to make them see the truth of what their wishes are costing the world.

“The world was a beautiful place, just as it was. You cannot have it all. You can only have the truth ,” she tells them before also recognizing and validating their pain. “You’re not the only one who has suffered, who wants more, who wants them back, who doesn’t want to be scared anymore or alone or frightened or powerless … Because you’re not the only one who imagined a world where everything was different, better … But what is it costing you? Do you see the truth?”

It’s a particularly strong message on a thematic level: the idea that we, as a world, need to see through the lies of capitalism and consumerism to the truth. That “more” doesn’t come without a cost, one that is hurting not only ourselves but the entire world. From climate change to global and domestic inequality (both complex issues that represent the devastating human cost of late stage capitalism), it’s not hard to see the real-world applications to this theme.

Max Lord is Saved By the Power of Fatherhood

With Diana’s help seeing the truth, people around the world begin renouncing their wishes. And, eventually, so does Maxwell Lord. Diana helps him see the truth of what his wish is costing him: his son, Alistair. Then, it is an easy choice for Lord. He chooses his son, over power, greed, over more. He chooses the joy and love of his present and future over the pain of his past, which we see in flashbacks: The trauma he suffered watching his father hurt his mother, from being poor, from being socially isolated growing up.

With Diana’s help, Max recognizes the truth of all that he already has in Alistair. In the film, fatherhood represents a kind of sustainable abundance that the Dreamstone could never give. Because of this, Max is finally able to be truthful with Alistair: “I’ve been lying to you. I’m a pretty messed up loser guy,” giving his son a truth that we get the impression Young Max was never granted: “You don’t ever have to make a wish for me to love you.”

In return, Alistair reminds Max that he doesn’t need to earn his preciousness. He has always been worthy of love, even when the world failed him and the people in his life weren’t able to give it to him. “I already love you, Daddy,” Alistair tells Max. “Because you’re my dad.”

Does Barbara Renounce Her Wish?

Max Lord definitively renounces his wish at the end of Wonder Woman 1984 in order to save son Alistair, but the choice is much murkier when it comes to Dr. Barbara Minerva. In her final shot of the film, Barbara is no longer in Cheetah form, but we also never see her explicitly renouncing her wish. According to Patty Jenkins, the ambiguity was intentional.

“I have my reasons for making it ambiguous, and I think it’s not clear what her point of view [is] on everything that just happened …  I love that we wrap up Max Lord’s point of view, and that you see the culmination of that storyline, I think is so important. But the truth is there may or may not be more to come [for Barbara].”

It sounds likely that we will see Cheetah again.

Why Does Wonder Woman 1984 End at Christmas?

Originally, Wonder Woman 1984 was supposed to be a summertime release. No one could have predicted the circumstances that would lead to the many delays, and an eventual global release during the Christmas 2020 season. However, the film’s final scene is very Christmas-y. Patty Jenkins told Den of Geek and other outlets during a recent press event that she had thought about re-filming it, but ultimately decided against it. Now, it works perfectly!

Interestingly, it also means that this final scene takes place roughly five months after the events of most of the movie, which takes place around the Fourth of July, as we see from the Invisible Jet scene. Emotionally, this works really well as it makes sense that Diana would need some time to get over losing Steve again, and might not be ready to fully embrace the wonder of the world around her right after having to say goodbye. In other words: this feels more truthful to the character.

The Mid-Credits Scene: Reveal of Asteria

Hopefully, you stuck around until the very end of the film, as Wonder Woman 1984 snuck a scene into its credits. In it, we see a woman who looks like Diana from the back save a baby and its mother from a falling telephone pole on a busy market street. When the woman turns, it is Lynda Carter, the actress who played Wonder Woman in the 1970s TV series. 

In the show, Carter played Diana Prince. Here, she is playing Asteria, the warrior who stayed behind when Themyscira was built in order to keep humanity from following the rest of the Amazons. Earlier in Wonder Woman 1984, Diana told Steve that she searched for Asteria when she came to the World of Men, but could only find her Golden Armor. Now, we know Asteria is still around and still saving people.

“I’ve been doing this a long time,” Asteria tells the baby’s mother in the mid-credits scene, before Carter winks at the camera. Hopefully, this isn’t the last we’ve seen of Asteria.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The post Wonder Woman 1984: Ending Explained appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/34IZeiZ

[wozman23]

Ode to Elf

Today, Netflix released a new miniseries, The Holiday Movies That Made Us, which features 45 minutes of insight into the creation and making of Elf. It’s worth the watch for any Elf fan. I made plans today to watch it, and immediately chased it with the full length film. I’ve always been a ginormous Elf fan! I think it is debatably Will Ferrell’s best film - rivaled possibly by Step Brothers, and with a few others close on its heels. But I’ll even one up that statement by saying it is easily the greatest Christmas movie, as well as one of the greatest movies of all time. (My Top 3 are probably The Jerk, Billy Madison, and Elf.)

The mini-documentary is the perfect supplement, really putting a bow on what makes Elf so great. I encourage everyone to go watch it, but I'll be bringing up just a few of the things discussed in it, and elsewhere, for the sake of further proving that Elf is a classic.

As is seen in many Hollywood cases, there was some trepidation going in. The screenplay was written ten years prior in 1993, with Jim Carrey in mind. At one point, there were talks to feature Chris Farley, but writer, David Berenbaum, did not like that direction, citing it would have been a very different movie. And as much as I love Farley, and wish he were still around making movies, I agree. Both he and Jim would probably have been great playing their own version of the character in their own unique way, but, while I may be biased since Will Ferrell is my favorite comedic actor, I think the role ultimately found the perfect Buddy with Will. He just hits perfectly on playing the sweet, naive, innocent yet clueless fish-out-of-water. It’s also what makes Step Brothers so good. Even many of his other characters, like Ron Burgundy, have a little bit of that DNA dipped into contrastingly more vain, reckless, foolish personality traits. I think there’s no greater type of comedic hero than the innocently stupid comedic hero. It’s pretty apparent from my Top 3, as well as my love for similar archetypes like Will Forte’s MacGruber, Joe Dirt, or Conan himself.

Now I’ve been on the Ferrell Train since the mid-90s, growing up on that generation of SNL and Night at the Roxbury. In college, not long before Elf, I went to a screener for Old School, which was one of Will’s early big screen breakout performances. Yet apparently, in the process of getting Elf greenlit in the early 2000s, prior to Old School, there weren’t many executives willing to take a shot on a movie where Will played the lead. What a bunch of cottonheaded ninnymuggins!

But those involved stuck to their guns, and they eventually convinced someone to hand them 30 million dollars to make the film. From there, an incredible string of smart decisions were made as talent was brought on board.

Writer, David Berenbaum, and his team of relative unknowns at the time had some key qualities that they wanted Elf to have. David took a lot of inspiration from the Rankin/Bass stop motion classic, Rudolph - which if you know much about me, you know how much I love it as well, being a misfit and all. (I wrote about it here six years ago.) Yet I never really realized just how much Rudolph inspired it, so it was a joy to see the documentary explain just how much of Rudolph permeates Elf’s story, themes, presentation, costumes, and set design.

When director Jon Favreau signed on, he shared some input that really cemented him as the perfect director. He too wanted to double down on the Rankin/Bass homage. He also wanted it to be a nice family Christmas movie, one that you could share with your kids, as well as a timeless Christmas classic. Check, check, and check! Mission accomplished!

There were some other interesting facts I didn’t know as well. The casting feels perfect. However, the original casting choice for Walter, Buddy’s dad, was for Garry Shandling. With great respect to Garry Shandling, I think their back up, James Caan was a much better fit. Caan really brings home the qualities of a cold, isolated businessman that a likeable Garry would have had to really sell. You need that non-comedic straight character for that role. Ed Asner plays a perfect Santa, as we’ve seen multiple times. And Bob Newheart is a terrific Papa Elf. Plus, this brilliant pairing of Will and Mary Steenburgen was just a hint of what was to come via Step Brothers and The Last Man on Earth. There are a lot of great supporting actors as well, like the writing duo of Andy Richter and Kyle Gass, and the secretary, Amy Sedaris. And last but not least, Zooey Deschanel. She’s been my muse for years now, but Elf was the moment I fell in love with her. Her character was pitched as everything under the sun, but finding a singer just complements everything so well. The one thing that’s always seemed weird to me is the shower scene. What kind of department store has a full locker room with a shower?! But when logistics is your only complaint about a movie, you know it must be good. One other interesting casting tidbit involves Jovie’s boss, played by comedian Faizon Love. He was a last minute add. They thought they had Wanda Sykes onboard, so much so that they already had the Wanda name tag for the costume. Faizon stuck with it, donning the name tag, so the character remains Wanda. I don’t know that I ever noticed that.

Early in production, the decision was made to avoid using CGI. Effects with actors were all achieved via some trickery with perspective. And the stop motion characters duties were handled by The Chiodo Brothers, who I oddly just learned about a few months back when I stumbled upon the 1988 cult classic, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, tucked deep in my Netflix recommendations. (If you enjoy campy horror films, I highly recommend it.) Growing up on the works of Jim Henson, I’ve always appreciated the use of analog means over digital options. Choosing that route for Elf paid off immediately, and will go a long way at allowing the film to maintain that timeless quality. As with any movie, there were conflicts. When the movie was originally screened, execs thought it would be smart to cut the final heartwarming singing scene and just end with Santa flying away - once again adding to a tremendous pile of dumb ideas that the suits have had over the years when it comes to controlling creative projects. The team was a bit taken aback by it, but apparently with Will Ferrell’s recent box office success with Old School, there were thoughts of cutting the film differently, favoring a style similar to Will’s Frank the Tank character instead of the lovably innocent Buddy. Cooler heads eventually prevailed when they realized that would be impossible given the footage, and we got the film as it stands today, as intended.

I vividly remember anticipating the movie. It’s probably one of my most anticipated films of all time. It felt like every week there was a new preview, a new cut chocked full of new jokes and gags. After what seemed like a dozen of them, I was growing a bit concerned that there would be nothing new left to see when the film found its way to theaters. Then release time came, I paraded myself off to the theater, and I was dumbfounded by just how much comedy was packed into that 90 minutes. The quantity and quality of the humor is impressive. Every scene feels important, and was iterated on for maximum humor. Will’s improvisation constantly enhances scenes. Like many of Ferrell’s movies, it’s an insanely quotable movie, but it’s not all just written jokes and physical comedy. There are some great silent parts, like just capturing Buddy’s reactions. And one of my favorite moments can easily be missed, when Buddy is caught on the evening news, traipsing through Central Park. It’s staged exactly like Patterson–Gimlin Bigfoot footage, with a similar gait, a peek over the shoulder, and somewhat blurry camera footage.

Little details like that are precisely the things that make Elf the classic is set out to be. It feels like it was written for a misfit like me, catering to my loves for Bigfoot, Rudolph, and a lovably naive comedic hero. It’s funny and silly, yet heartwarming and endearing. And its a film I’d happily sit down and watch with any kid from one to ninety-two, regardless of whether it’s the month of December, or some time in early April. P.S. There have been talks about a sequel. James Caan recently conjectured that it never happened because Ferrell and Favreau “didn’t get along very well.” Those two are both far more successful these days, and could easily back the project if they wanted to. But as much as I love Elf, sometimes things are just too good to risk repeating with lackluster results. Look no further than the last franchise I wrote about, Ghostbusters. An Elf 2 would probably easily make a profit, regardless of quality. It could even be a good movie. But there’s probably a greater chance that it wouldn’t hold a candle to the original. The story is perfect, and contains itself well. There’s no need for a continuation. It’s really hard to top something when the bar was set so stratospherically high the first time. And attempting to do so could easily diminish the efforts of the original, sabotaging everything Berenbaum, Favreau, and the team achieved. Elf is the Rudolph of this generation: a timeless classic with a tremendous amount of heart. Let’s just appreciate it for that, and leave it as it is, for everyone to enjoy with everyone they enjoy.

[torestoreamends]

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Dream Cast Board

Today some of my friends started putting together their dream casts for Cursed Child, and I couldn’t resist joining in, because this is way too much fun. 

I feel like a couple of my opinions might be controversial, and that’s actually why I wanted to post this. Everyone in both casts is amazing, and it’s so interesting to find out everyone’s favourites and why! Especially when those favourites are a bit out of the ordinary. 

My rules were that I could pick any mix of people from either cast, but no one could play more than one role, however I could pick someone as a cover for a different role (actors listed in brackets are my covers). I also tried to match up people who I thought would work best together, but in at least one case I had to sacrifice chemistry in favour of who I most wanted to play a role.  

So without further ado, in order of appearance, here we go!

*

Sorting Hat & Hagrid – Ged Simmons (Chris Jarman)

When Ged plays the Sorting Hat he’s an ethereal being. I love his detachment from everything going on around him. He isn’t part of the scene, because he’s a hat! He’s not an emotional creature, he’s just there to do a job. I also think the way he does the Godric’s Hollow transition with the pumpkins is pure magic. He spreads the snow with this joyous, back and forth motion, and it soars with beauty and enchantment.

I also think his Hagrid is simply wonderful. He broke me last Sunday when he started to leave Lily and James’s ruined house in despair, but on the way out he heard baby Harry crying and the look of hope and wonder on his face was the most incredible thing. Here is a child, who has survived the most powerful curse in the world, and is here against all odds: the boy who lived. 

Chris is my cover because he was the first Sorting Hat I saw. I fell in love with his steady, measured movement. It had such a beautiful quality to it, and I don’t think anyone else has ever matched that. 

*

Harry Potter – Jamie Parker (Jamie Glover)

Is there any choice for Harry other than Jamie Parker? He lived and breathed Harry. He walked on stage and it was like Harry had walked out of my imagination and onto the stage. The fire in him, and the light, boyish, fun-loving side melded together to create sheer perfection. 

Jamie Glover is my second choice because I adore his reading of the script with my whole heart. He takes Harry on such a complete journey, and he made me understand Harry in a way I never had before. You can see how he learns through the story, and the moment in the dorm scene when he understands for the first time what he’s done to his son is heartbreaking, which makes the ultimate reunion all the sweeter. He’s come so far in the last few months and he has so much more still to give, so that’s why he’s my cover Harry.

*

Albus Severus Potter – Theo Ancient (Tom Mackley)

I think Theo is the perfect Albus. I’d been writing Albus for a year before he stepped on stage, and I still get astounded when he does something that matches my concept of Albus so perfectly. The best example of this is in the torture scene, when he walks up to Delphi and presents himself as a target to her when he says “Do your worst”.

He’s an exceptional actor, who is constantly in the moment. On stage he becomes Albus completely, and there’s nothing of Theo left in him. Also, I have a huge desire to see him and Jamie Parker do a blanket scene together – it would either be the most explosive thing ever or it would reduce Theo’s Albus to a puddle of tears. Either way, I’m here for it. 

It was tough to choose a cover, but after some deliberation I have gone with Mackley for the unique qualities he brings to Albus. I love his stillness and nobility. I love his humour as well as his serious side, and I’ve adored him with both casts. I think Samuel brings out the best in him, and it’s wonderful to see two people have so much fun on stage together. My Mackley highlight is probably when Samuel made him jump so hard with “Ever since being in the scariest place imaginable” that he fell off the bed in the dorm scene. 

I also think it needs to be said that the way his Albus reacts to Craig’s death is stunning – it colours everything that comes after it in the show for him, not just the torture scene, but everything all the way through to the very final scene. 

*

Ginny Potter – Poppy Miller (Emma Lowndes)

Poppy is the only choice for Ginny. She brought together the perfect softness and toughness, and she lived Ginny on stage. She’s another who seemed to have walked off the pages of the book and onto the stage. Also, I can’t pair another Ginny with Jamie P’s Harry. It just wouldn’t be right. They are everything Hinny should be together. 

Emma is my cover Ginny for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I haven’t seen Lowri enough times to choose her in good faith. Secondly, I think that Emma does some absolutely beautiful things with Ginny. I love her focus on Albus throughout the play – she prioritises him over Harry at so many points, and that motherly ferocity is a beautiful thing. For that relationship between Ginny and Albus, she has to be my cover. 

*

James Potter Jr/Sr & Cedric Diggory – Tom Milligan (Jordan Paris)

Milligan captured the spirit of James in a beautiful way, so I have to pick him. Hilarious as younger James, grown-up and noble as older James, and his “see you at Christmas, Dad!” will never be matched (although attempts have definitely been made). I also realised at the weekend how much I miss his Cedric, especially when Mackley is on as Albus. Their maze scenes were a thing to behold. 

And as my cover, I’ve picked Jordan, because he’s silently become one of my favourites. I love both his Jameses, and his Cedric is wonderful. I don’t really have much explanation behind this one, aside from the fact that I enjoy his attitude on stage and the quality of his acting. He’s not overly showy, and his Cedric in particular really shines because of that. 

*

Ron Weasley – Thomas Aldridge (Paul Thornley)

Tom may not physically match the perfect description of Ron, but in terms of the character he’s everything you could possibly want. From the bubbly humour, to the gentle ribbing of his family and friends, to the way he sneaks sweets to James in the opening scene, he’s just a dream. I also love the things he brings to the other timelines. In the second there’s the desperate desire to find people and places he loves and escape his miserable life, the bravery he tries to dredge up around Hermione, and his soft despair at never getting her. In the Voldemort world he’s trying to fill Harry’s role as a hero, but he’s also so much himself. And of course I can’t possibly talk about Tom without mentioning that glorious animosity with Draco. Tom is literally my dream Ron. Literally. 

And I have to take Thornley as my cover. I wildly enjoyed every one of the performances he gave. He and Alex set the standard for Draco and Ron’s hatred. He was so funny, and he established some things about Ron that will be with the character forever – Scrupius, for example, and the kneeling during the reproposal. He set the bar, and he set it really high. 

*

Rose Granger-Weasley – Helen Aluko (Rayxia Ojo)

Helen is such a sweet, dynamic Rose. I love how she teases Scorpius relentlessly, and her facial expressions during the opening scenes of the show are a constant delight. My favourite moment from Helen, though, the moment where she steals the show, is her reaction to the conversation in McGonagall’s office when the kids are eavesdropping. She’s heartbroken, and then she’s angry at her mum, and then she collapses back into heartbreak again. There’s so much there, and she never says a word. 

I’ve chosen Rayxia as my cover Rose because I think she has a brilliant, unique take on the character. She’s such a vulnerable Rose. Even though she seems so much older (like Albus’s older and more glamorous cousin) she’s broken, and she needs him to be her friend. I love that take on it, and I’ve never seen anyone else do something like it. 

*

Hermione Granger – Nicola Alexis (Rakie Ayola)

Nicola was playing Hermione for the best performance I’ve ever seen, so she will always have a special place in my heart. I think she’s the perfect middle ground between Rakie and Noma – wild and intense but not too much. She seems to have chemistry with absolutely everyone. I love her playful side, like the way she explores her hair and gives Harry a poke in the back of the head during the Polyjuice transformation. I also adore her Voldemort timeline, and her exploration of her character through developing shades of lipstick (including smearing pink lipstick all over Tom A’s face during the baby or a holiday scene) is one of my favourite memories. 

Rakie is my cover Hermione because I adore how she plays the friendship between Hermione and Harry in particular. The moment when Harry walks into his office at the start of the play and we see Hermione and Harry alone together and really interacting for the first time is a beautiful chance to see how they’ve grown but also stayed the same. I also adore the way she plays the Romione moments, from her sheer despair in the second timeline when she’s alone, through to the complete, childlike joy of the reproposal. 

*

Scorpius Malfoy – Samuel Blenkin (James Le Lacheur)

There is no Scorpius beyond Samuel for me. His performance is masterful; that library scene is a piece of art. Right from the start he took a role that had been so memorably established and made it completely his own. He can go from hilarious to heartbroken in a second. He cries more than I thought possible, and he’s so creative, with such beautiful, deep thoughts about the show and the character. He’s the person behind Draco handing Scorpius Delphi’s wand after the duel – a stunning display of the trust between them, and the development of their relationship – but he’s also responsible for the ‘I love Krum’ chant. He’s mischievous, confident, warm; with such brilliant dynamic and emotional range, and a love of everything he does on stage. I could go on and on, but there’s no reason not to pick him as my dream Scorpius. 

James Le Lacheur is my cover Scorpius because her performance has such a special place in my heart. I saw her first ever show, and her last. I adored the way she played out the relationship between Scorpius and Albus. The impulsion in her acting was beautiful, with so much thought and intent. You could always see what Scorpius was thinking and how it was guiding his footsteps. And of course, that little Dark Mark arm rub in McGonagall’s office will forever live in my memory. I only wish we could have seen her and Theo together, because I think it would have been a thing of delight (and I’m not sure any of us would have survived). 

*

Madame Hooch/Aunt Petunia/Umbridge – Lowri James (Elizabeth Hill)

Lowri has been my favourite Petunia/Umbridge for a long time. I adore the emotion of her Petunia, which is perfectly balanced, and she’s a masterful Umbridge. I think she finds the perfect placing for these characters that are so easy to overdo or take to a place that isn’t true to the books. 

Elizabeth is my cover for Petunia/Umbridge for very similar reasons. She’s brilliant as Petunia, again finding just the right emotional place for her. As Umbridge she’s creepy and wonderful. Her stroking of the fur coat is just the right amount of gross, although she sometimes is a little bit too creepy for me. 

*

Craig Bowker Jr – James Phoon (Jeremy Ang Jones)

It was so hard to pick between these two rays of sunshine, but in the end I had to pick James first because I’ve seen him work with Samuel and I know it’s perfect. This might have been the toughest choice though, so I’m not going to write separate explanatory paragraphs for each. They’re both glorious human beings, with the most adorable Craigs. However, I will say that I love James’s movement, and the fluffiness of his hair as he runs round the suitcases at the start of the show will never not warm my heart. 

*

Polly Chapman – Leah Haile (Rayxia Ojo)

Leah is the prettiest Polly. That’s all you really need to know. I just think she’s glorious, and she’s a delight to watch. I would pick her as Polly every time just because she shines on stage. 

I have better reasons for picking Rayxia as my cover. I’ve only seen her once, but the intent in her performance really impressed me, especially in the Voldemort timeline. She gives Polly this very grand air, with a sense of uncertainty and vulnerability. It’s very clear that she’s using Scorpius to establish her position in the world. She’s trying to marry into money and status, and it’s her way of making herself secure. I love that really clear take on the scene. 

*

Yann Fredericks – James Le Lacheur (Henry Rundle)

Yann is one of those roles that doesn’t really feel established until whoever is playing him has covered Scorpius. He’s quite quiet, and the flair only comes out once his actor has had a chance to dig into the real meat of the play. Hence, I’ve picked the two cover Scorpiuses! 

James Le Lacheur goes ahead of Rundle only really because she established the role, and I think she did have more intensity of character, however I love Rundle’s take too, and I can’t wait to see him grow into it more over the next few months.

*

Karl Jenkins/Dudley Dursley – Tom Mackley (Jack North)

Mackley has to be my choice for Karl/Dudley. He brings so much flair and humour to the roles, and his Dudley in particular is very memorable for its ridiculousness. Probably my favourite thing he does as Karl is when he stabs Scorpius in the stomach with the handle of his wand during the line “spill some proper Mudblood guts”. We all need to thank whoever gave Mackley a permanent speaking role, because I am never disappointed. 

I have to pick Jack as my cover because I loved his movement so much. He brought so much quality to the track, and it was something I never failed to appreciate, and will never forget. 

*

Viktor Krum – Jack North

I have to split out Krum because of my two principals neither played Krum! Jack had such perfection of movement and precision as Krum, and it’s one of the things I still miss most about the original cast.

*

Trolley Witch – Sandy McDade (Morag Cross)

I have to split up the Trolley Witch and McGonagall because I do have different preferences. For the Trolley Witch, I love Sandy’s authoritativeness, which I’ve always found carries perfectly through the scene. However, I’ll take Morag as my cover because she’s great too. 

*

Professor McGonagall – Morag Cross (Sandy McDade)

Morag is my choice for McGonagall because I feel such an emotional connection to her performance. Before I saw Cursed Child I’d never really thought about McGonagall or felt too much about her, but there was one show where Morag’s scene after the lake made me cry, so she’s the reason I love McGonagall so much. The emotion she brings is simple beautiful, and I’m always excited to see her. 

One of the reasons I fell in love with Cursed Child the first time I saw it was how perfect the professors felt, including McGonagall, and Sandy’s performance was a big part of that. I adore her performance, and recently I love how she’s started emphasising one of her lines differently, giving it a new meaning. When Hermione asks “What did I miss?” when she walks into the post-lake conversation, McGonagall’s reply ends with “Maybe you missed that.” It’s an emphasis that makes so much sense, but I’ve only noticed it recently, and I love it. 

*

Draco Malfoy – James Howard (Ed White) 

There is only one choice for Draco. James is perfect. He is Draco, in the way that Jamie Parker is Harry. He was born for the role and I can’t imagine him doing anything else. The strength and authority in his voice is what sets him apart from everyone else, as well as his interpretation of the character, especially in the scene in Draco’s office. 

Recently he’s started explicitly playing Draco as being under cover in the Voldemort timeline, which I adore. He glances around before speaking to Scorpius about what he’s up to, and those tiny details are what makes his performance special. Other highlights are playing with his wedding ring when he speaks about Astoria, bracing himself on the desk facing away from Scorpius when he says he can’t lose him too, and that delightful chin grab, where he takes hold of Scorpius’s chin and examines him before declaring that there’s more Astoria in there than he thought. I could go on, but all you need to know is that it’s James, and it will always be James. 

I had trouble picking my cover, but in the end I’ve gone for Ed simply because he works beautifully with Samuel (and because James L and Alex don’t work together at all), and because he did the best Draco’s office scene ever. When a Draco puts his hand on Scorpius’s heart as he says there’s more Astoria in there than he thought you just can’t say no to him. He’s my guilty pleasure Draco, everything I want but know I shouldn’t have, and I adore him for that. 

*

Amos Diggory/Professor Dumbledore – Barry McCarthy (Martin Johnston)

Until Sunday I really wouldn’t have had a choice here, but I have now (finally) seen Martin, so this is actually a choice!

I’ve taken Barry first because he is the perfect Dumbledore, and because I love his Amos so much. There are so many tiny details that he’s changed in response to the new cast, and he’s a consummate professional. His Dumbledore really is part of the magic of the show that captured me when I first saw it. 

I found Martin’s Dumbledore captivating, and I loved the fragility and vulnerability of it – that was the thing that most broke me when I saw him. I also love the flamboyant grace with which he dismissed the trees in the Forbidden Forest. It really was a thing of beautiful magic. So I feel no qualms in making him my cover, and who knows, when I’ve seen him more times I might end up preferring him!

*

Delphi Diggory – Annabel Baldwin (Esther Smith)

This was such a hard choice, because I love all three ladies who play Delphi with all my heart and soul. Annabel almost didn’t make it into my top two because I love her Lily too much (and I need her and Milligan to be James and Lily together), but then I came to my senses and realised it was stupid not to pick her.

Annabel has been my favourite Delphi since the first time I saw her. She is a captivating actress, who holds the theatre in the palm of her hand, especially in the torture scene. I love when she goes rogue and slaps the boys or kicks Craig (can someone get the directors to always let her get away with that? Because it’s great). She’s so sinister, and she can bring such powerful performances to the stage, especially in the scene in the church between Delphi and fake Voldemort. She’s just brilliant, and it would be a crime not to take her as Delphi every single time. 

I picked Esther as my cover Delphi because I always found her performance so beautiful. She’s not the most creepy or terrifying Delphi ever, but she did some amazing things. I still remember her sobbing in the St Jerome’s scene during ‘the best show ever’, and I loved her hand choreography when she was reciting the prophecy – Annabel does a slightly different version, and I still miss Esther’s sometimes. 

*

Uncle Vernon/Severus Snape/Voldemort – David Annen (David Annen)

Sorry but I refuse to pick a Snape other than David. I refuse. His performance is too special to be replaced. He has such an innate understanding of his characters, especially Snape and Voldemort, which comes from deep readings of the books. He cares so much about these characters, and it’s amazing.

He came up with his Voldemort voice by reading every description of Voldemort speaking from the books. As Snape, the messages he writes on the blackboard are messages of hope to Snape’s students who are struggling in that world. Those special details are simply irreplaceable. 

*

Moaning Myrtle – April Hughes (Annabel Baldwin)

April learned her Myrtle voice listening to the films, and she’d practice it while she made dinner at home. She’s ridiculous, and that voice is perfect. I love the brilliant details she puts in the background of the Myrtle scenes (shaking her head when Albus tells Scorpius everything is going to be okay, waving her feet around by Harry’s head but never quite touching him, and very slowly lifting her leg up in the most flirtatious way when she says “I do like brave boys”). I didn’t think anyone could ever replace Annabel, but she managed it. 

Annabel is of course my cover Myrtle because how could she not be? Also, she then gets to play Lily with Milligan, which is the real dream. 

*

Bane – Adam McNamara (Nuno Silva)

Is this my most controversial choice? I think it might be...

I saw Adam’s Bane several times leading up to cast change, and I have abiding memories of the intensity of it. That performance made a huge impact on me. The acting was brilliant, especially the way he appealed to Harry. Those were some of the best Bane scenes I’ve watched. 

And Nuno is my cover Bane because I love him just as much. Always consistently brilliant. Delivering show in, show out. I’m always mesmerised by the way he breathes in this scene for some reason. It fascinates me. And I love the strength and anger in his performance. 

*

Station Master – James McGregor (Adam McNamara)

James McGregor’s Station Master is basically the cutest thing in the world. He just looks so young and adorable, and his Scottish accent makes me melt. 

And obviously I can’t not pick Adam, because there is no Scottish accent like Adam’s. His Station Master was incomprehensible, just the way he should be. No one will ever match that. 

*

Young Harry Potter – Harrison Noble (Jabez Cheeseman)

Harrison is an incredible little actor. He’s just perfect. My favourite scene of his is the dream at the beginning of Act Two, where he’s so intense. You can hear the fear in his breathing. He’s stunning. 

Jabez is my cover because he was a close second behind Harrison before he left for me. The day we found out he was leaving was a sad day indeed, and I miss him a lot. 

*

Lily Potter Jr – Ella Bright (Hope Sizer)

I want a Lily to be tiny and bubbly and full of life, and both Ella and Hope did that. Ella’s the sweetest thing, and she fits with the rest of the Potters so well. I picked Hope second because I always enjoyed her performances and looked forward to seeing her when she was on. 

[stokan]

The 20 Best Things of 2016

Fun fact: Many good things actually happened in the year 2016. It’s true! It wasn't all death and Trump, although as you’ll see, those two factors hang heavy over even the best of things. But just like every year, 2016 still managed to produce its fair share of great art, cultural triumphs, and viral delights. Leaving out, obviously, things from 2016 that it seems like I’ll probably love but have yet to experience (OJ: Made in America, Search Party, 20th Century Women, Fences, etc.), and TV shows I’ve already written about in years past (OITNB, Transparent, You're the Worst, Veep, etc) here are my top 20 favorite things from 2016, listed in no particular order:

1. Beyonce - “Formation” video

How upset old white people were about this should give you some idea of just how great it is.

When I was growing up, the biggest music video from the biggest female pop star of the day involved her dancing around suggestively in a Catholic school girl outfit. Trump may have won the election, but progress still remains undefeated.

2. Kendrick Lamar’s Grammys Performance

(Of course this isn't anywhere on the internet for me to link to. Because Neil Portnow.)

Kendrick’s performance was the performance that Kayne always thinks he is giving. It’s a performance that made everyone else who took the stage on Music’s Biggest Night seem like talent show contestants.

I don’t want to tell artists how to use their fame, but this is how they should use their fame.

3. Last Week Tonight - #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain

SPOILER ALERT: He didn't make Donald Drumpf again. In fact the viral success of this piece and lack of any resultant effect on Trump whatsoever does raise some big questions about the effectiveness of comedy in actually changing anyone’s mind about anything in 2016. But yet, like death from a thousand paper cuts, it definitely drew a little blood. And even though I really wish John Oliver had stuck with guns and only referred to Trump as Drumpf for the rest of the year, it was still a more thorough and effective attack ad than anything the Clinton campaign managed to put together, and that was basically their whole job. John Oliver can never be president, but the world is going to be a better place as long as he keeps trying to help decide who will be.

Also, says everything about 2016 that this piece now feels like it came out ten thousand years ago.

4. La La Land

Hey, remember joy? And love? And having hopes and dreams? Well La La Land sure does! The best and worst thing you can say about it is that it’s a pre-Trump movie. Maybe the last one ever in fact. But for my money, Damien Chazelle’s quest to Make Musicals Great Again is exactly the tonic we need right now. And it seems fitting the Oscars after the death of Debbie Reynolds are going to be headlined by a colorful and happiness-inducing musical about show business, complete with its own dream ballet. Sometimes the best way to reinvent an art form is to just do it the same way its always been done, only better and at the right time.

5. Olympic Swimming

When the Olympics began I barely cared. I was raised on the Olympics, but in 2016 there’s so much else going on it felt like maybe time has passed the Olympics by. And then the swimming started. And Ledecky destroyed all challengers. And Phelps proved that calling him the greatest swimmer of all time is still underrating him. And Simone Manuel made history. And Lochte Lochted. And Anthony Ervin spun an all-time Olympic athlete backstory into Olympic gold. And for a week there was nothing in the world more compelling than watch people swim laps in a pool.

So turns out the Olympics are the Michael Phelps of sporting events - the second you think they’ve slipped a bit is when they have you right where they want you.

6. LVL Up - “Pain”

Point: Rock and roll is dead

Counterpoint: “Pain” by LVL Up

7. Stranger Things

I hate the 80s. I hate supernatural shows and horror-based shows and “genre” shows in general. I hate homage as the starting place for a work of art. I hate culture’s obsession with nostalgia and youth. And yet I loved Stranger Things. It felt like nothing else on TV while feeling like so many other things all at once. It’s the show Lost wishes it could have been, and what JJ Abrams wishes he had made instead of Super 8.

Also: I hate that there’s going to be a season two. I hate that dialogue around the show seemed so #TeamBarb when clearly any sane right-thinking person is #TeamNancy all the way. I preemptively hate all the imitators Stranger Things is going to spawn. And I hate the Stranger Things backlash that’s inevitably coming and coming hard. But right now, in this moment, let’s all embrace a wonderful television ride and not worry about the demigorgons in the woods coming to put slugs in its mouth.

#KeepHawkinsWeird

8. Flossie Dickey

Sometimes you find true love where you least expect it. Like in an interview with a 110-year woman at a nursing home.

9. Sam Donsky on The Ringer

(Speaking of soul mates…)

In the age of Trump it’s more important than ever that we have writers brave enough to ask the tough questions. Like: Who would win the Oscar for Best Baby? What is the best night any celebrity has ever had at Madison Square Garden? And why does David Benioff always thank his wife by her full name?

From analyzing the Kim/Kayne/Taylor tapes like they're the Zapruder film, to asking 74 questions about a film no one saw or liked, 2016 was the year Sam Donsky officially made himself into this generation’s Woodward and Bernstein, if Woodward and Bernstein were mostly known for dissecting dumb pop culture on the internet. We may never fully understand why Trump won, but, also, what’s up with Chris Pratt’s vests?

10. Black-ish - “Hope”

A perfect piece of writing and a perfect argument for the continued existence of network TV.

That being said though, 40 years ago this would be a classic TV episode people would talk about for generations. Now, it didn't even get nominated for an Emmy. Maybe network TV is just beyond saving.

11. The People vs. OJ Simpson

It’s almost a cliche at this point to point out how many societal issues the OJ Simpson case touched on, but watching this miniseries unfold was a great reminder that looking at the the past is usually the best vehicle for exploring the present. To choose just one example, the scene where the jurors argue over what to watch on TV is a perfect encapsulation of how something like a Trump victory could some day be possible. And if Marcia Clark isn't a perfect Hillary Clinton avatar then I don’t know who is. My only complaints about a perfect eight hours of television are that it wasn't longer and that Sarah Paulson and Courtney B. Vance aren't eligible for Oscars.

12. Samantha Bee’s Donald Trump Conspiracy Theory

Look, I don't want to say that Full Frontal with Samantha Bee is the best and most important show on TV. That is has the best joke writers in the business. That it has the righteous anger and indignation that this year called for. That it’s going to be our guiding light for the next four years. And that it’s proof that giving The Daily Show to Trevor Noah was one of the dumbest decisions in recent television history. All I’m saying is that some people are saying that, and who am I to disagree? If I was going to make claims that outlandish, I guess the first pieces of evidence I would direct you to are this already iconic Donald Trump conspiracy and the show’s Harriet Tubman segment. But I’m not one to make accusations about things using facts and evidence. I’m no expert; I’m just a guy. A guy standing in front of samanthabee.com asking it to to love him.

13. David Bowie - “Lazarus” video

The ultimate mic drop.

They say Native Americans used to make use of every part of the buffalo. David Bowie was like that, only the buffalo was his life.

14. SNL

“Farewell Mr. Bunting”

Having enough trust in your audience and your vision to attempt this sketch is super inspiring. Getting people in 2016 to wait through two and a half minutes of build up in a viral video before it pays off feels like a miracle. And getting the feeling back in my face when I finally finish laughing at this is going to be really great.

“Black Jeopardy” This is what comedy can do when its at it’s best. It cuts to truths about America more clearly and cleanly than 1,000 think pieces ever could. Are comedy sketches eligible for the Nobel Prize in Literature now?

“Hillary Clinton/Hallelujah” And this is what comedy can do when it’s not comedy at all. When historians 200 years from now want to know what the days just after the election of Donald Trump felt like all they need to do is watch this. The best thing SNL has ever done.

15. Songs That Made Me Unsure Whether I Should Be Sad, Dance, Or Both

Christine and the Queens - “iT”

I have absolutely no idea what this song is about. All I know is it sounds like the feeling of being alive. Between this song and Marion Cotillard’s eyes the French really continue to have the whole beautiful sadness thing figured out.

Eleanor Freiberger - “My Mistakes” The best Rilo Kiley song of 2016. The world can change however it wants; as long as it keeps giving me new versions of the exact song I’m totally good.

Mike Posner - “Took a Pill in Ibiza” The exact opposite of me is an EDM-influenced song about taking drugs in a nightclub in Ibiza. Yet here we are. Turns out that existential melancholy translated into Douche from the original Neurotic Intellectual is still pretty damn relatable. And yes I realize this song came out in 2015, but this will always be the sound of 2016 to me.

16. Moonlight

Moonlight feels like a miracle. That a serious drama without any name stars about a poor, gay, black man coming of age could be made at all, yet alone breakthrough into the popular consciousness. That a cast this natural and flawless could be found, like an album where every song that comes on makes you go “no THIS one is my favorite!”. That there are two different sets of three actors so similar and so good that when I see them together doing press it hurts my brain because I can’t process that they were not ACTUALLY the same person at three different ages. That two people making small talk at a table in a diner could have a whole audience on the edge of their seats. That a no-name director with one prior little-seen credit could create the most powerful and well-made movie of the year. None of these things seems possible or plausible, and yet they're all true. This movie is a miracle. And its success gives me hope. To quote critic Dana Stevens, in the pitch-black year of Trump, Moonlight was a “crack in the wall that allowed light to shine through”.

17. Atlanta

In 2016, what even is TV? It’s basically anything now. And it’s everything. It’s whatever it wants to be. And no artist has yet risen to meet the challenge and possibility of our post-Louie world better than Donald Glover has. In 2016 Atlanta is TV, and TV is Atlanta. There are no rules. There is only what you can dream up.

What will season two of Atlanta be? It could be literally anything and no one would bat an eye.

18. Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book

Chance the Rapper is so millennial it hurts. Chance the Rapper definitely has strong feelings about safe spaces and Bernie Sanders. Chance the Rapper has never even considered doing something ironically. Chance the Rapper makes Lin-Manuel Miranda look like a cynical pessimist. Hell, Chance the Rapper named himself Chance the Rapper. And as a millennial, Chance the Rapper is the future.

And the future sounds amazing.

The future is like if Old Kanye had been raised on new Kanye and was actually good at rapping. (As the old saying goes: every generation gets the Late Registration it deserves) The future is like if Picasso painted with emojis. The future is earnestness being the new aggression. The future is Future being the past.

Hip-hop is dead, long live hip-hop.

19. “A Closer Look” on Late Night With Seth Meyers

I almost left this reoccurring segment off my list of the best of 2016 because it’s become such a constant part of my life that I assumed it had been around longer than just this year. Who knew when Jon Stewart retired that the new iteration of The Daily Show would be called Late Night With Seth Meyers? Or as I call it: Essential.

20. Revisionist History Podcast

Facts and knowledge really took a beating in 2016, but turns out both are still great if you just re-examine them rather then throw them out all together. Perhaps looking more deeply into our assumptions about the world can help us better understand human nature and the reality we all share. Who knew?

Of everything I experienced in 2016 this podcast is the thing I reference most frequently. I’m fun at parties.

[healingincircles-blog]

Outflowing.

Outflowing I have been quiet from any real blogging endeavors for a while... But if I want to follow these principles, then I must practice "outflowing," and that means I must write. Out-flow. So, my inspiration to kick my insecurities and perhaps pursue a blog again comes from Lewis Howes' "School of Greatness" podcast episode -  "10 Principles of Abundance and Prosperity" Out-flow. Here's a link to the episode and show notes - it's fantastic. https://lewishowes.com/podcast/chris-lee-abundance/ It's one of those podcast episodes that I want to listen to over and over again. One that I want to listen to again and again to try to absorb more and more meaning and insights and wisdom from. I want to draw all I can from it. I want to learn all I can from it. And not just learn it, but practice it. Integrate it into my psyche. But pause. Let's go back for a second… After my accident a few years ago I started a blog, "The Reconstruction Pursuit." Writing it was my way of coping, processing, getting it out of my system. Writing my blog was something I could do to share what I was going through, all of the processing I was doing, like I said, a way to help myself cope. And in writing, I was hoping and still do hope that somehow my darkness could be someone else's light. I was enjoying writing, and it brought me joy to know that some of what I did write was meaningful.

Now cue up 2016 - VERY simply put, depression decided it would creep back in to play it's wicked games again. I felt a ton of frustration, anger, overwhelm, resentment, and all sorts of other emotions and shit towards the accident, towards life, towards myself, etc.. I wanted it to all just disappear. In pure rage and absolute feelings of stuckness and helplessness, I wanted to deny any of what happened. So, I deleted the blog (though I have some posts archived that I will pull up and try to share again) and I shut up. Little bits of tumblr posting here and there, but nothing really consistent or focused like I was starting to be with the Reconstruction Pursuit..

But alas - My brain is back in my head, and the unwelcome guest of depression has been excused --ehh, more like kicked to the fucking curb and beat to a pulp after a pretty brutal fist fight every time he tries to re-enter the party. Now, I want to re-honor the struggle. Honor and respect the darkness, the challenges, honor and draw blessing from what literally almost killed me. I want to let all the bullshit do nothing but fuel me forwards, and hopefully fuel others forwards when they feel dark and hopeless and helpless and lost like I did… 

In my quietness I have been doing a lot of learning. I have been pursuing a self-driven education in psychology, personal/self-development, human high-performance, mindset, yoga (it's amazing)… And, I don't think it does myself or anybody any good to pursue learning so much helpful and empowering information and not give it out (**outflow!) and share it (we will talk more about that "out flowing" in a bit).

I have been diving into the worlds of self-development and growth, "high performance," mindset, psychology, and becoming an expert of your own being. I have been diving into how to really get to know yourself and learn to master yourself, your brain, and learn to embrace - fully and completely - who you are, uniquely and authentically. I have been learning how to pursue consistently working to enhance and improve who you are, what you are, and reach levels of absolute high-performance in your inner and outer worlds- mind, body, soul. The fields of high-performance and self-development are fascinating. They light me up, they get me thinking, contemplating, they inspire and motivate me, and I have a desire to become competent and knowledgeable in these fields because the teachings I have pulled from them so far have helped me immensely to work through what I need to work through...

Depression. 

Anxiety. 

Complex PTSD. 

A major TBI (head injury), followed by some second impacts on other occasions, (which would actually mean collectively three more significant concussions after my accident...) all leading me on wild dance with post concussive syndrome/ second impact syndrome and the oh so wonderful and complicated - yet fascinating - things that come along with well, hitting your head really fucking hard…

Being in your 20's - being a young person trying to discover who they are and find their way in the world.

Being an athlete and working through identity shifts and relationship shifts and “relationship drama” with sport, performance, competition, creativity…

Working through those mighty existential questions, thinking about life and purpose and meaning..

Yeah – it's a lot to work through. But I'm not the only one who has to work through it - we are all human, we all go through what we go through and must work on what we need to work on individually. 

Return from rambling… Now you have a little picture of where I've been in the time of mostly keeping my fingers off the keyboard. Mmmm, ok, maybe just a little more rambling for a moment (though I don't think it's necessarily just rambling, I think what I am writing has some value, rather than just being noise). I am proud to say that the pit of darkness I was in, I'm not there. As I eluded to earlier, I have kicked depression out of the house and it gets ugly when he tries to re-enter... Do I have occasional rough days, low moments? Little "meltdowns" or "panic-freak-outs?" Yes. Do I have some days where I am down or moments when I feel like I am running away, trying desperately not to be caught and consumed by that darkness trying to suck me under again? Yes. But that's part of my humanness. Being aware of it, recognizing it, and deliberately choosing to fight it off and improve constantly as a human, well, that gives me something to work on. Ultimately, I win.

So getting all this going again, hopefully my writing style will convey something clear and meaningful… I write what is on my mind, what is in my heart, what is coming from that space in you that is your soul… I write as I contemplate, I go with the flow, I just let it come out, not a lot of editing.. I've decided I do not want to fear judgment for what I write or how I write, so I will write. The fear of being criticized, well, I no longer want it to hold me back. So again, I will write. It's raw, perhaps sometimes here and there a little messy, but is raw not the most real? Organic has a little dirt left on it. (Builds immunity.)

And now, coming back from all of that and returning to what was on my mind when I started this whole post thing was "outflowing" - Principle #1 "Outflowing" -- https://lewishowes.com/podcast/chris-lee-abundance/ To focus out. Wherever you go, give. Whatever you put out comes back multiplied.Law of attraction. What can you give today? Check out the podcast and the "show notes" – https://lewishowes.com/podcast/chris-lee-abundance/ – to get the recap and ideas from them, but this is what I have to offer from what I have gathered… It's an evolving understanding. Outflowing - letting what is inside you that you have to give flow out of you…- knowing that what flows out of you will flow back to you, magnified - The good and the bad. What we give, we will receive. What we sow, we will reap. Outflowing is recognizing and acknowledging your strengths and talents and gifts and giving them away, sharing them, using them to serve and benefit others. Using them as your light - illuminate. (Remember, where there is light there can be no darkness…) Part of outflowing is to recognize what you're proud of within yourself and you life and integrate those "wins" into your psyche - celebrate them! Celebrate your victories. This builds your feelings of self-worth and confidence, and when these feelings are enhanced you can also recognize and give away the qualities they bring – Exude confidence. Exude a confident, quality character. That's a gift to give.

Outflowing is also sharing what you have learned, your experiences, your life, and the insights, knowledge, and wisdom that your life and your experiences have brought you, with humility and graciousness, humble and free of ego, with the hopes and intentions of it being enlightening or inspiring or uplifting to others who may need to hear it. I guess for me then that means sharing what I am learning and sharing the tools and skills that I am building and putting into practice. I think it means not trying to stuff it away and hide it and try to make it disappear, but rather sharing what I have been through and experienced, how I have overcome and fought through a variety of things… It means being open, honest, vulnerable - yes - outflowing is being open and honest, transforming fears into faith and tragedies into triumphs and sharing what I have worked on, worked through, and continue to work on and through in this life. 

And then (perhaps most importantly) - There has to be love. Love.

It's an outflowing of love. It's vulnerability and willingness to let your humanity be seen and known and to say "this is who I am and who I am is what I have to give" – give all of who you are to the benefit of others, with the intention of love and service. Love-filled and love-fueled service.

Love is a driving force, a binding force, a force of connection, a force that we really cannot use words to describe, but nonetheless, a magnificent force that is empowering, and truly, exactly what many of us need so, so badly to infuse into our beings to really empower our lives. 

Outflow that. Love first.

#sometimesmessy.  So if this feels like and 'incomplete' ending to you, then expect the "vibe" of the post to be continued further into more posts. 

Namaste.