#but truly sometimes it's okay to just be like. wow. Shit Is Fucked.

[crimeronan]

another thing i want the kids following me to know is: you guys have spent most of, if not Literally All Of, your adolescence in a COVID world. This Is Not Normal.

like fuck me. all the articles about it are thinkpieces about how hard it is to be a teacher right now because kids are SO all-over-the-place developmentally.... which i'm sure is true!

but most of what i've heard from other adults ABOUT you guys is just an annoyed, "these kids don't know how to behave these days, their parents just left them on the computer and never parented them, they don't know how to talk to people, so annoying"

which is like. come on, stacy. a little compassion?? can we Please get one fucking iota of compassion?? on this bitch of an earth??

you guys are dealing with all the typical traumas of adolescence (lack of autonomy, being legally property) after having dealt with ANOTHER Fucking Enormous Trauma during your developmental years (isolation), while trapped in classrooms with a million other kids all going through the same thing, and all of you are coping and adapting to this differently, AND a lot of you are ALSO dealing with the grief of having lost family/friends to sickness.

that is a fucking WILD cocktail of circumstances in which you're trying to learn & fill out college applications. and i'm assuming most school districts do NOT have enough decent guidance counselors to handle it. even putting aside potential trauma stemming from mandated reporting stuff.

the Vast Majority of the adults you interact with were NOT in school during COVID. we have no fucking clue what it's been like for you all. the solutions that worked for us in high school simply won't always be applicable anymore.

it's a bad time to be a high school student. if everything feels wrong to you right now, it's because This Is Not Normal.

[arijackz]

PICK A CARD: What Will Your FS Admire Most About You?

⚤ “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” - Pablo Neruda

Disclaimer: This is a general reading, take what resonates. This is a gender-neutral reading, disregard any pronouns that do not apply to you.

p1 → p2 ↙︎ p3 → p4

✠ Pile One ✠ (King of Cups,Page of Cups,The World,7)

✧ Cards went wiillldddd. You stir up so much emotion in this person, it’s crazy. Your heart chakra is front and center here. You are picture-perfect harmony and universal love to your spouse. Your love can’t be contained, you love them, your friends, your favorite mug, worms out in the rain, strangers, the moon, and all the stars in the sky.

✧ All I see is a wide-ass smile, the biggest, wateriest eyes, and full cheeks. Your spouse thinks you’re sunshine-incarnated.

✧ This will sound corny, but your heart and love for the world and all its diversity make you appear angelic; God’s gift to humanity. The emotional depth you have is nothing shy of divine. Your ability to understand and reconnect your person with their inner dreamer makes you irreplaceable in their eyes. 

✧ I feel like your future spouse had to navigate around a lot of emotionally stunted people who left scars that prevented them from forming healthy relationships. Your empathy and desire to make space for peace and unity in this world give them hope that true love is alive and they are the lucky son of a bitch who gets to call an angel, theirs.

✧ I smell salt and hear waves. (I bet you’re tired of the cheesy poetry but HEY, me and your boo are OBSESSED with your energy) You truly are as beautiful and powerful as the seven seas.

✧ You know the Ouroboros, and how it's sometimes depicted as a snake wrapped around the oceans, holding onto its tail to keep the world together? Yea, that. To your future partner, you hold the key to their world. You add so much color and vibrancy. You turn over their inner ocean and awaken so much repressed child-like wonder within them.

✧ Wow. Your spouse loves the depths of you.

✧ Check for water placements, signs, and houses, in your natal chart. Some of you have insane intuition and have clairsenses. Clairaudience to be specific.

✧ Some of you are active in charities or aspire to make a difference in society. Maybe you’re into esoteric practices or anything else metaphysical.

✧ I even have a few philosophers here. Okay, KANT! (somebody please get this joke)

She Excites the Seven Seas

✠ Pile Two ✠ (Ace of Pentacles,8oW,The Emperor rev., “I Want”)

I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me

✧ Of course, you don’t have to be a woman but that TikTok sound SCREAMED at me. Your future spouse is lowkey intimidated by you and they love it.

✧ You have big dreams. Big plans. But most importantly, a million and one ways to get you where you need to be. Your ability to say “I want this,” and then actually go out and GET it?? Your spouse is like the meme that goes “I’m a little scared, but I’m turned on.”

✧ I also see that you’re unconventional. If people have been doing whatever you want to do a certain way for years, you'll find ways to do it differently, just cause. You’re a true trailblazer. Your self-conviction is so damn alluring. Even for the people who struggle with insecurity sometimes, once you get over that hump and decide that you desire something, you fucking get it. Your partner sees you like magic. They are impressed by just how quickly your desires are set in motion for you. They feel that you are powerful and bring a great deal of power to them from just being in your proximity.

✧ You are also the “I don’t take shit from nobody” type. Not from strangers, not from your friends, your family, not even from your partner. In their eyes, you know your worth and have a strong self-foundation that nobody can tear down. There is genuine admiration and respect here. I even get the “I want to be like you when I grow up” mentality.

✧ There is a speediness to you they find very attractive. Either the way you behave, speak, or just stress about time, your pacing holds a special place in their heart. (or maybe, despite all of your responsibilities, you manage to find stillness in the chaos and slow down when necessary)

✧ The way you speak drives this person wild. It's like your voice narrates their thoughts and is the source of all of their arousal. Do with that information what you will...(don't be cruel, you make this person so nervous).

✧ I shuffled through a playlist and E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE!! by Corpse came on and one of the lyrics goes,

She just look into my soul with them Shinigami eye Coke in my nose and a blade on her thigh. Man, I think this girl is really trying to plan my demise

✧ Yea, you put the fear of God into this person, but in a good way! Your presence can be chilling sometimes. Fire energy for sure. There are definitely people here from pile 2 of my first pac, “What are your most alluring qualities?”, check that out if you want to.

✧ Okay, this energy has me needing to take a LAP, bye.

"Man, I Think This Girl Tryna Plan My Demise"

✠ Pile Three ✠ (10oW, 9oW)(no other cards wanted to come out, real stubborn)

✧ Okay so, this feels specific?... and maybe even a lil off topic but I feel called to say this

✧ I sense that you and your person are psychically connected and share the mutual feeling that the two of you are meant to cross paths. The both of you have gotten your fair share of fuckery in this lifetime and this union feels like divine justice.

✧ This sounds a little fucked up, but you guys flourish amid trauma. Dark energy alchmaziers. You best wield your potential while you’re going THROUGH it.

✧ You had to “die” and bury yourself a dozen times to get where you are today.

✧ You are a very evolved individual. Throughout your life, traumatic events and relationships have forced you to bear a lot of weight on your back and it’s like the pressure has forged you into a diamond. With each curveball life threw at you, you stood tall and pushed to make something of yourself, proving your worth after a lifetime of strife and instability.

✧ Scorpio/Capricorn and 8th house/10th house placements. (check midpoints).

✧ A lot of you have tense shoulders, upper back, shoulder, and neck pain from the unease and anxiety your body carries. You have insomnia and may even struggle with nightmares.

✧ This person you’re coming into union with is so healing.

✧ This is something the both of you broke down and prayed for on your darkest days. This is a true partner, the soul that kept yours warm when the world was so cold. You had to put your dreamier side on the back burner to survive. This person will make you feel safe to dream again.

✧ I don’t have anything specific to say because you and your person feel so secretive  You two recognize each other’s pain and are the only people you guys trust. Like not even lil ol’ me can really get through to y'all. Y’all ride AND die for each other, in this life and the next.

✧ If you’re into astrology and already have a feel for who this person is, check your guys’ composite chart. Strong Scorpio energy here.

✧ Coming into union with this person will feel like a wish fulfillment.

✧ (short pile, it felt like a quick message for those of you who feel this connection telepathically. This is probably a secondary choice.)

"I Want To Caress The Piece of Me Within You"

✠ Pile Four ✠ (Queen of Wands, 9oP rev., 7oP, 4oP rev., the high priestess, queen of cups, “I will”)

✧ You’re a bad bitch, truly. Your fs isn’t calling you a bitch, buuuttttt she a baddie, she know she a ten! She a baddie with her baddie…. wait a minute…

✧ You may not have a lot of friends? You keep your circle tight-knit because you have been deeply hurt in the past and you guard your peace fiercely. For some of you, your home life was quite tumultuous and you struggle with financial security and inner happiness. It seemed like the world did not want you to feel good about yourself or succeed.

✧ Do you know that viral display of a deer’s ribcage with a spear through it, and how even though an attempt was made on the deer’s life, he managed to survive and lived for years after that event; all while still growing bone marrow with a giant fucking spear through its ribcage?

✧ “A close encounter with a hunter left the deer with several broken ribs and part of an arrow embedded in its body. Remarkably, the animal survived, and bone grew around the shaft and arrowhead lodged in the creature's side."

✧ "The deer lived with the arrow inside its body until years later, when another hunter killed the animal, cut the deer open, and discovered its amazing secret…As the tough tissue formed over the arrow, it acted as a splint for the damaged rib cage, strengthening the deer's injured body.”

✧ I highlighted some words that needed emphasizing. That’s how your partner sees you. They are in complete awe of the resilience and sheer tenacity you hold. They look at you and can’t believe the person before their eyes. The troubling history you usually try to hide from your romantic partners is exactly what allures this person. 

✧ You won’t ever lay on your belly and cry about life passing you by. You aren’t the type to victimize yourself and “woe is me” your way out of self-improvement.

✧ You are quite ambitious and aim to push forward, even if the odds are stacked against you.

✧ I get the message that some people in this pile have struggled with self-harm over the years. Your partner wants to kneel down and kiss your scars like a white knight, and vow to protect you emotionally and physically for as long as you’ll have them.

✧ The spear-deer imagery is so interesting. The deer represents virality. It is a symbol of piety, gentleness, devotion, and fertility. Especially with the queen of wands, the high priestess, AND the queen of cups, you provide profound love, passion, and insight to this person. However, even as a deer, you are quite badass???

✧ You are as gentle as a strand of hair but as strong as wool. Dainty but unbreakable.

✧ They have no desire to infantilize you because they know you are already your own greatest warrior. But they don’t want you to feel that you have to fight alone. Whatever burdens are on your plate, they take away as much as possible because they want to be a piece of the paradise you fight for.

✧ This is meant to be a short pac, a Tumblr post won’t do the unbelievable strength in your character much justice. Just know that your fs is so fucking in love with you and wants to spend their life by your side because of just how awe-struck they are by you.

✧ I mean c’mon… will YOU ever forget the story of the coolest fucking deer in existence??

"I Yearn To Be the Name You Call Out in Victory"

[zoropookie]

HOW HATERS ARE BORN (HHAB)

♡ chapter twenty-four — not friends. (💋)

[[ ALL WRITTEN CHAPTER ]] tw: lots of swearing, slight violence

Hu Tao didn’t think it was going to be this thorough working with Heizou.

For the past thirty minutes since four o’ clock in the morning, Heizou’s been doing nothing except making sure everybody in the group they came with was asleep. Checking all of the rooms and making sure they were accounted for while Hu Tao stood at the crook of the doorway in front of where Scaramouche was sleeping.

She truly wanted to find it funny, being the prankster herself. But she wasn’t laughing. “If you’re going to be patient with this, we may as well wait until he wakes up.”

“You can’t interrupt a crime scene like this. They’d just apprehend you.” Heizou whispered back, as quiet as the stillness in the night, continuing to trace his own steps back to the other rooms.

Hu Tao’s patience wore thin as she clenched her teeth, trying to contain her frustration by grabbing his arm and clawing her manicured nails into the meat of his forearm. “This floor is about to be a crime scene if you don’t fucking lock in, buster. You’re about to ruin it for both of us!”

"Ouch- alright, alright. Let go." Heizou winced, taking her silent warning.

With a begrudging nod, Hu Tao released her iron grip and approached the door with cautious steps, Heizou holding his own phone with his camera open at the ready.

She paused, turning to him and pointed a finger. "Remember, we're just looking. Don't accidentally send anything to anyone."

"Don't need to tell me twice, I feel grimy just doing this."

"And not kidnapping the kid?"

"You want me to be a child predator so bad-" Heizou was able to finish his sentence until he was cut off by a rustling in the distance.

"What are you guys doing?" A small voice asked from afar.

The both of them froze, slowly turning their bodies towards the source of the noise. Even when the hallway was as big as it was, the sound didn't seem to echo through the stillness of the night.

But the rustling stopped once a silhouette appeared from under a blanket and began to rush towards the other two. Hu Tao's heart damn near fell out of her ass, flinching at how fast Nahida came into vision.

"Holy shit," Hu Tao held her hands up in faux defense.

Heizou squinted at the girl before crossing his arms over his chest. "What are you doing awake, Nahida. Growing children need their sleep every night."

"Spare me the patronizing, Heizou. What are you guys doing in front of his room?"

"Wow. I didn't even know what 'patronizing' meant at that age." Hu Tao puffed her cheeks. "Maybe you're right, Heizou. My bad."

Heizou narrowed his eyes, reveling in his victory for a bit until he cleared his throat. His demeanor shifted into a nonchalance. "We were about to talk a walk. Just happened to be in front of someone's room."

Nahida raised an eyebrow, "At four in the morning? Sneaking directly towards his room?"

"He has the better patio view." Hu Tao chimed in. "You know how it is, sometimes you just need a little bit of fresh air."

Nahida was obviously not buying it. "Right." She said with a drawl as she looked at Hu Tao and Heizou dubiously. "And I'm the Empress of Snezhnaya. Don't act like I don't know that you two are plotting to take Scaramouche down."

"Foiled again," Hu Tao gritted her teeth. "Okay, we wanted to see if he had anything on his phone. Who wouldn't be curious? That guys a briefcase of suspicion, and I'm going to open it."

Heizou cringed, shooting Hu Tao a glare before sighing. "Yeah, Nahida. This would be a huge step in my investigation."

"You're unbelievable." Nahida responded with a disappointed frown. "If you really were curious about whether Scaramouche was doing something, it'd be less of an issue to just...oh, you know, ask him yourself? Not invading his privacy?"

"Now you know me directly asking a question would cramp my style." Heizou huffed. "We're not going to do anything except gather evidence. If there is none, we're out right away. Okay?"

There was something that was aching in Nahida, almost as if no matter what were to happen if she let them do this, things were going to go entirely wrong. With or without this happening, there was no keeping it at bay.

"Just be careful." Nahida looked in between them, sighing as her expression softened by a lot. "Whatever you find, handle it responsibly. I'm sure he's been through a lot of trouble with his own people already. We don't need more of it."

Hu Tao saluted. "No unnecessary risks. Gotcha."

Within an hour, they found themselves sitting in the corner of Scaramouche's room, looking through his phone. The soft glow of his phone casting a shadow on their faces. Every now and then, Heizou would take photos from his camera of what he'd think would be evidence for the future.

The both of them fell silent, hardly making an effort to talk to each other as they both became too interested in the contents. For some reason, seeing his life so formulated and established made it harder for Hu Tao to go through it.

"I think I'm done." She whispered before sighing, leaning back against the wall. "He's not even that bad of a guy. Ei is just a publicity demon."

"You're giving up?" Heizou looked at her.

"Yeah. I thought I would be happier to look through his things, but it seems like..." While Hu Tao was taking brief glances, her eyebrows raised at a certain detail that she missed while she was sitting there. "Wait a minute...what's that?"

"Huh?"

"He has a second account." Hu Tao pointed at the screen once she swiped the menu to Twitter. "See? It's the little circle with the 3d girl on it."

"You can make second accounts linked to your main?" Heizou scrunched up his nose. "I guess that would've been nice to know when I posted my abs on social media and the office job I tried applying to found it."

Hu Tao stared at him for a second, wanting to respond, but shook her head and continue scanning through his feed. "Sneaky little fucker." She laughed in disbelief. "I mean, I guess not- it's all just random posts too. He's not following anyone on this ac-"

Once Hu Tao tapped on his icon, her eyes widened. There was a mountain sized chill that came coursing through her body. One that she thought she'd never experience ever since (Y/N) cursed the entire Inazuma group out on their livestream.

Justsofamous338. An account from the series of accounts from Justsofamous.

"Oh my go-" She stopped herself from being too loud. "Oh my...fucking god. Heizou..." She said, her breath failing her.

"Jackpot, eh?" Heizou murmured, staring interested at the screen.

Her hands visibly trembled as she pressed the messages, her eyes glued to the screen. There were no messages from this account in particular, but the fact that he was even signed in was indicator enough. "He posted on this account two times. Both cryptic, but he definitely knows that you're looking for who he is."

Heizou was genuinely in disbelief that they both were met with a side of the sleeping Scaramouche that they didn't know about until now. How? How was somebody like that so capable of what he said to (Y/N)?

Either way, Hu Tao felt herself come to a boiling point. And with that pent up anger that she's yet to know what to deal with, she hardly slept for the rest of the night.

You didn’t know where you were for a good minute.

Despite how long you were out for, there was a nagging feeling inside of you that you should wake up soon after all the stress left. Your eyes fluttered awake, leaving your body to be wracked by the copious amounts of physical exercise you did the night before. If there was one thing you hated doing in the morning, it was waking up in general…and hurting.

But even with your pain and disorient, you still managed to regain your consciousness. The memories of the previous night, and how embarrassing they were, flooding back. You put your head in your hands, groaning in a miserably agony. “Why did I say that?!” You yelled.

“Stupid, so stupid. What the fuck?!”

It hung heavy in your mind, eyes dulling. You weren’t about to let it ruin your day, but the more you sat alone in the room that used to have Tohma and Ayaka’s sleeping bodies, the more you wonder if you’re in the backrooms or not.

After a few moments of looking at the groovy texture and the zig zags of the clock, you felt your resolve return. You put on your socks and slip ons, heading towards the sliding door and opening it…

Only to be met with Scaramouche on the other side. You almost screamed, but not because of him. It was because of how the barely cooked meat of the Shoyu ramen in his hands was touching the rest of the ingredients.

“Ah yes, my reminder of the unfortunate appears again.” You murmured grimly.

“What?” Scaramouche couldn’t help but let out a small scoff.

“Nothing. Morning, Kuni. Didn’t take you to be the type to wake up on the dot.” You tilted your head. “Something’s gone awry.”

“I wanted to see how you were doing in there. It’s almost one in the afternoon.” Scara said, holding the ramen outward towards you. “Breakfast. It’s really hot, so be careful.”

“I already had breakfast, Kuni.” You said, eyeing the ramen warily.

“You just woke up.”

“Yeah?” You contested with the same amount of attitude he gave you. “It’s called eating in your sleep. I’m good off your red ass meat. You didn’t even cook it.”

“You don’t eat it when it’s red, dickhead. You put it in the broth to cook it. That’s why it’s a conversational dish.”

“Spoken as if you want to have…conversation with me?” You asked as you wiggled your eyebrows. “Man, just say you have it hot for me already. This is embarrassing.”

“You wish, chucklefuck.” Scara said disgustedly as his violet eyes moved from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. He couldn’t get past how ridiculous your pajama set was. “Lightning McQueen?”

“Limited edition. Like my crocs too?” You put your hands in your pockets, sticking one leg out so he could look at the full set easier. “You can afford a house in this day and age, but I can afford something you’ll never be able to get a day in your life without pulling out a mortgage. Eat that.”

“I’m sure I can live without it.”

“Nobody can ever live without the kachow in their life.” You snickered, motioning him over to the table. “Thanks for the ramen.”

You couldn't shake off the weird feeling around you as you sat down with him at the dining table. Tohma and Ayaka were already out of bed somewhere, and none of the rest were around to your knowledge.

You found yourself lingering in the ruminating thought, dipping the meat in the broth for a minute. "Hm," You mulled, "Long start to the day, huh? Were you the first awake?"

"I wouldn't be surprised." He shrugged, "I wanted to make sure everyone was accounted for."

"Ooh, the hospitality." You smiled. "Looks like you're already ahead of everyone else. Always on top of things."

"Are you impressed?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Impressed? Slightly. Planning to take advantage of it? Quite." You tried to keep your tone casual in case it was just you that felt this way. "Hey, uh...sorry about last night."

As he looked up, meeting your gaze, you almost wanted to look away. You could tell that he was trying to think about it. "What did you do last night?"

You hesitated, unsure of how to broach the topic. "...If you forgot about it, it probably wasn't even that important."

Even though the both of them sat in a comfortable silence, it was suddenly broken by Hu Tao busting through the doors of where she was "sleeping". Whatever was solidified as peace throughout their silence was destroyed, as there was now obvious tension.

Her eyes darted between the two of you, and you could practically see the metaphorical gears turning in her mind as she approached. She was visibly stiff, lacking any lax in her jaw. "Nice to grace us with your presence Scaramouche. Or something like that." You exchanged a hesitant glance with her, sitting back in your chair once you put a piece of meat in your mouth. "Did you just wake up? Why are you all clammy?" "No." Hu Tao hissed. "You thought you were fucking notorious, didn't you? Thought that you could just decide to coexist with us, huh?"

"What are you on about?" Scaramouche's brows furrowed.

"You tell me, Justsofamous." Hu Tao's voice was almost gravelly and aggravated, tossing her phone with all of the evidence popped up in her photos app. A storm was live and raging inside of her veins, turbulent and fierce. "Yeah, thought you could hoe us all out with that one? Playing with us like some fools, taking advantage of our obliviousness. Fuck you."

Your mouth twitched in disbelief looking at the said photos, looking slowly back at Scaramouche.

His face didn't say anything particularly outstanding, but there was something wrong about how he looked rather than his neutrality. Your heart began to beat with an extra pulse than you were accustomed to, trying to keep the adrenaline at bay.

"What's she talking about?" You asked him, holding the chopsticks in your hand with a tighter grip. "Scaramouche?"

"Scaramouche is Justsofamous, and him and Aether are like this." Hu Tao locked her fingers together. "They never stopped talking to each other. In fact, he's literally in the same group chat as all of our ops. Crazy, right?" Hu Tao shouted, causing the rest of the group to come out from where they were to see the scene.

You faltered in your look, feeling your entire being be worn down by the sudden outcome of your morning. "Scaramouche, say something." Tears formed in your eyes, entire face intense. "Say something..." You whispered.

But even though he was being put on the spot, there was no other way he could put it other than a small sigh in the end. "Surprise." He sat back, staring at you dead in the eye with uncertainty.

You became molten lava on the inside. Your hands were trembling with the same mixture of rage that burned within you like hot coals. And then all of a sudden, it was like all of the things that he called you, the blatant way he talked to you before he even knew you, his lack of hesitance when he poured coffee on you. The way he insulted you proudly, despite being in the wrong. He wasn't betting on being your friend, nor even an acquaintance. You knew, and you still gave him the benefit of the doubt.

He was taunting you.

In the grip of your emotions, your vision went red. Like a tempest unleashed against your body, you raged. The tears streaming down your cheeks were bitter, you were being crushed by a boulder of betrayal. "You...YOU!" You could barely make out your words from how choked up you were.

You rose from your chair in a flash, your chest ragged and heaving as you knocked the Shoyu ramen on the ground, the crash of glass and the food slightly burning you. "You fucking asshole!" You screamed louder and louder, and began coming closer and closer towards Scaramouche, pushing him.

"You got a fucking kick out of it, didn't you?! You LOVED acting like the savior, just so I could get comfortable. Fuck. You. You cum gargling piece of fucking shit!" You started pushing on his shoulder to intimidate him. "Tell me how much you loved getting under my fucking skin! Huh?! TELL ME." You screamed in his face, but you couldn't even bare to listen to him.

Your cries strangled your throat as Tohma held you back. You noticed Scaramouche's face pale, trying so hard not to break his composure but now refusing to make eye contact with you. His expression betrayed him, and you knew that he regretted it, but unsure of whether he meant it.

Did it matter anyway? You destroyed everything in your path, from paintings to throwing furniture around. Nothing was left untouched until Tohma held you back. His grip on your arms tightened, his voice a steady anchor amidst the chaos. "Hey, calm down. It's not worth it."

You were almost beyond reason until then, you dropped to your knees despite all the force keeping you from it, and you sobbed violently. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" You said with a full voice, screaming again, this time in a lot more pain your heart could exuberate. "You're rotten, Scaramouche. You're fucking rotten."

Having everything shattered in you wasn't fair, you knew it, and so did he. It's why he stared down at you with a flicker of vulnerability, a crack in the facade of his own indifference.

And no matter how much he wanted to respond, to defend himself, he couldn't. Because in the end, maybe all that this situation was destined for was damnation.

previous ♡ masterlist ♡ next

YOU ARE on your way to being one of the hottest streamer in your nation at the moment, racking a monthly average of 10 million viewers, but something specific bothers you about it. you know that a lot of people hate you, but there's this one account. one account that's been following you since the early days of your career. they leave a flood of rude comments in your stream, your moderators banned each account they made, but they keep making more. you are at the end of your tether. but you are yet to find out that this persistent cockroach is none other than your friend's friend (and the only other streamer that's bigger than you), scaramouche.

taglist ♡ @thystarsshine @veekoko @gumickajolli @simonisferal @kamiboo

@justpeachyteastea @feiherp @pinkismyfavcolor @aether-darling @kunisnaomi

@keiiqq @mine-lu @featuredtofu @danhenglovebot @k4zushi

@kyon-cherri @b4tm4nn @iiinaurate @quacking-simp @auroratumbles

@kookiibun @ulquiorraswife @amvpk01 @simplysm1le @h3xi2g0n3

@alatusorrow @scaranthropy @mellowberrie @magica-ren @vernith

@kabukipookie @bananasquash @suqarlaced @dellalyra @lightyagamifan

@yourfavoritefreakyhan @heartsforseo @yomishen @pwushizz @swivy123

@strxwberryfetish @ibyobi @ashfrommars4 @chemiru @ainnofinway

@agaygothicmushroom @levianamor @dragontammerz @wth121 @lylovw

@morgyyyyyyy @lovemari @suniika @melpomenelurks @liuaneee @yumejo89 (bold users means i'm having trouble tagging you)

[literalite]

mistki's the land is inhospitable and so are we (2023)!! as edits featuring mine and some of my friends ocs 😁 had a lot of fun with this project... rough explainer of how/why each song corresponds to each character/s under the cut because i love symbolism and talking! sorry it is long

bug like an angel - sapphire

without spoiling too much of her story and arc... sapphire's life is not easy. she's hurt by people she cares for and who care for her, although inadvertently, and in turn hurts people who she cares for and who cared for her, also not by her own volition. it's kind of a terrible truth that you will harm and be harmed by the people you love, even when you and they truly don't want to. it's up to you how much you're willing to take and deal. you can't keep every promise you make and you can't right every wrong. but you have to keep trying anyway. that's sapphire's strength, and the core of her goodness and why i personally consider her one of my favourite ocs. i chose to depict bug like an angel in mitski's more positive interpretation here and in that light i think it works best for saph

buffalo replaced - heiya

well first and foremost the vibes of the song fits heiya perfectly fhgjk but also lyricism and tone... yep. quick breakdown of heiya's background since i doubt i'll ever be able to do it properly she's an interesting character for me because she like a lot of my other characters has lost. everything. she had a wife and a child and they were both killed and she had to leave her home again and again and unlike how some of my others would have taken this she has never flagged in her unwavering dedication to preserving hope. for herself for her people for the future etc etc. which is a very fucking difficult thing to do! the world changes faster than you can keep up with it sometimes but for heiya she will not let herself tire and be swept away in it all. people rely on her. she's a guiding star as much as she is a woman. she's a lover and a fighter and thats what buffalo replaced means to me! so

heaven - vinny and caleb

i feel like of all my oc couples so far they have like. the sweetest most kind of simply mutually trusting dare i say straight forward love. they just love each other so much and thats all. the world could end around them when theyre together and it'd be okay truly. also yeah vinny is ostensibly in heaven now bye angel i feel like this one was pretty self explanatory. me and who WHEN

i don't like my mind - sunny

he just like me fr (said in denji voice) anyways wow ha. unstoppable unending guilt due to past actions that haunt your every waking moment? throwing yourself into any and all distraction just to take your mind off it, filling your time with other shit so that past sin doesnt for once echo in your awful and hollow brain? this song is perfect for sunny honestly just that sentiment also the "please don't take this job from me".... sometimes the coping is worse. you can be proud of something because you can do it better than anyone else even if that thing is terrible

the deal - wolfgang munch by @gunthermunch

Wolfgang Amadeus Munch. umm this will make more sense later on but it still kind of makes sense now i think. he doesn't want to be himself he keeps . leaving and moving and running away from his own memories his own self in reaction to others. if he could pawn it all off he would. if he could be better in an instant without having to feel every agonising second of change he would! but thats not how the world works. or is it. read munch by gunthermunch thats an order

when memories snow - lilian

i feel the older you get the more your past kind of swells up and trails behind you... at least for lilian that is shes very linked to the different versions of the girl/young woman she used to be. for her its a double edged blade, a lot of her own strength is drawn from who she was and what happened to her throughout her life. they haunt her but she's haunting it back in her own way

my love mine all mine - saige, bellona, ari

stares you down okay so usage of this song very much almost verges into spoiler territory but uhm. uhm. starts twitching basically the whole dynamic here is . sometimes when you love you will sacrifice. and while that is usually a good thing sometimes it is not but sometimes it still is. sometimes you pay your dues for love and sometimes someone else has to pay for your love as well. and whether that is worth it to them remains to be seen. but it's all about love still. whether that's a worthy cause is up to you i suppose

the frost - yoshiki and hikaru from hikaru ga shida natsu

fun fact (or not so fun fact since i had it listed as such) this slot was originally meant to be taken up by a gojo/geto edit and while it still works for them frighteningly well i swerved to do another black and white haired doomed gay pairing gfhjkl; i really recommend yall to read hikaru ga shinda natsu/the summer that hikaru died because honestly it speaks for itself! it's SO good i love it so bad

star - ari and luca by @anjitrait

wow these two did not deserve the horrors the narrative (me) slammed down onto their heads. they're kind of the most married of all time to me but like of course under pressure even the strongest most loving of bonds will warp. they've been together for roughly a decade and a half now. they know and love each other as totally as you could possibly imagine. despite it all i am yours, no matter. are we picking up what i'm putting down chat

i'm your man - nayef and sióar by @lucidicer

after the album dropped like at least 3 people swung into my dms with a ?this you?? about this song which. i mean the fucking dogs that start barking halfway through the song. are you kidding me. but anyways sioyef and devotion. sioyef and putting yourself in your lover's hands and looking to them like they are a god. this is super self explanatory. you know

i love me after you - redacted and ophelia

HM.... all i'll say here is that sometimes the homoerotic tension filled high school friendship where both parties have something very wrong with them but in totally different directions can be. scarring. bad. sometimes love just isn't enough when you don't know what you're meant to do with it and when you've lived in survival mode all your life. but that once the dust clears you can scrape yourself off the ground get up keep going and that isn't gonna be the end for you there. or for love, even. sometimes shit just ain't meant to be and thats ok

[kyhgwts]

Please! I beg you! I need more fanfic about Draco with a bunny and innocent reader! It's too perfect to just have a fanfic about it! (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠) ❤️✨🌟✨💫✨

Summary: When you’ve been a brat all day because of your pre-heat, and Draco finally snaps and puts you in your place.

WARNING(s): SMUT, Dom!Draco, Sub!Reader, dacryphilla, Spanking, brat!Reader, rough sex, aftercare, AU Hogwarts university (everyone is 18+), (READER IS ABLE TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS!! A SAFE WORD IS IN PLACE!!) (the pictures shown are not meant to be what the reader (or Draco) looks like, just the vibe of the story!!)

PAIRING: Draco Malfoy x BunnyHybrid!Reader

You knew you were at the end of Draco’s patience, and sure deep down you felt bad but you couldn’t help it. Pre-heat was hitting you hard, and Draco was there to take it out on.

Your pre-heat was horrible, maybe even worse than your actual heat. It always was a few days to a week before your heat, and it made life a living hell. It made you in a bad mood, tired, needy, and bratty. Sometimes it even made you hungry like hell, but nothing ever sounded good.

Draco knew all about your heat as well as your pre-heat, and you were so thankful to have him. He truly was the sweetest about it, but he also knew when you needed extra help in putting you in your place.

Sometimes he wasn’t always there to help with your heat, and it sucked. But he did try his best, arranging classes when he could. You were always thrilled when your heat landed on a weekend, meaning you had him for two full days to yourself.

Your heat usually lasted for about 3-4 days, maybe even just 2 if you were really lucky. Your heat was just so inconvenient, and you’ve apologized to Draco profusely about putting him in such a situation. He always got mad at you when you apologized though, saying it wasn’t your fault and he doesn’t mind it one bit.

You have had 2 with him, sometimes heats wouldn’t come for months. You were able to communicate a lot better than when him and his friends first found you, you could speak fluently now.

However, you still weren’t that intelligent on sex. Sure you knew the basics of it but you still haven’t understood it all that well. And you were working on that, with a side of Draco’s help.

Your pre-heat had started early this morning and you got annoyed by Draco snoring, SNORING, and you pushed him off you mumbling how you couldn’t sleep with him being so loud. This wasn’t anything to him, you were sassy to say the least. But he knew you were starting your pre-heat, which meant you’d only get worse from here on out.

When he came to his dorm for lunch, you got mad that he didn’t get you the thing you were craving even though you hadn’t told him. A normal, he could deal with it.

But when he came back from school, that’s when it started to escalate. He was laying in bed with you, working on school work while he played with your hair. You groaned pulling away, he gave you a skeptical look.

“UGH! You’ve been scratching the same spot for 5 minutes!” you knew this was out of line, it wasn’t his fault. He just raised an eyebrow as if asking if you were really acting this way.

“Alright i apologize, i’ll try my best to do rotations” he said trying his best to hold back his grin, you glared at him tossing yourself back down grumbling under your breath.

Then while getting ready for bed, when he handed you one of his shirts when you put it on you immediately whined. He took a deep breath looking at you with a displeased expression.

“Why is this shirt so itchy!” you yank it off, throwing it on the ground and making your way to his closet.

“Hey! Don’t throw shit on the ground princess, my patience is thinning with you today.” he says picking up the shirt, making his way towards you.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have stupid itchy shirts! What the fuck were you thinking when you bought that thing” you say, and he’s stunned. You’ve never cussed, ever.

“Oh wow, okay, you want to act this way huh? Do you want me to punish you is that your problem here?” he asks, leaning down to catch your eye contact.

“You are my problem here.” you whisper challenging him, he lets out a humorless laugh.

“Go.” he says, the tone making you shiver. You knew where he meant by “go” it was obvious. You huff out a frustrated breath, stomping you way to the bed.

“Wow very mature of you” he called out following you. You roll your eyes, climbing into the bed.

Before you can even make yourself comfortable, he’s on top of you. Pushing your hands above your head, he glared down at you.

“Pre-heat hitting you hard or what princess, huh? what’s your deal? You’ve had a rotten attitude all day.” He says, you just make a sour face at him.

“No, you are just extra annoying today” you spat, you knew you crossed a line but how could you not when he was so hot while he was mad.

“Oh, alright then i guess i’ll just leave you to sleep then yeah?” he says pulling away, you groan out a frustrated cry.

“No!” you whine, he just shakes his head laughing.

“Then what? hm? you want me to fuck that attitude out of you, that’s what you want?” he says, you don’t want to admit it.

“What’s your safe word?” he asks, you mumble it letting him know you wanted this.

He immediately pulls off your shorts and underwear, and slowly taking of his clothes. He settled between your legs, rubbing and caressing your body. He leaned down to kiss your neck, slowly starting to bite it and leave marks.

You arch you back letting out a whimper when his fingers glide through your pussy. He looks up at you shaking his head, it was so easy for him to get you inside your head.

“Do you think you can be a good girl, and maybe i’ll let you come? Think you can make up for your bratty attitude today?” he asks, you nod pleading with soft murmurs.

“Please M’ so sorry! i want to be good, i promise i can be good” you whine, hands grabbing desperately onto his forearms.

“Look at you, already being so polite.” he grins, you nod eyes hopeful.

“But i can’t just let you go that easy now can i?” he says, grabbing your wrists to put you in a sitting position.

“You can’t?” you ask, pout put on your face in hopes he’d take pity. But after the hell you’ve given him today, he’s got none for you.

When he flips you around, pushing your head to the mattress as he pulls up your ass you know you’re done for.

“You count, and if i hear anything but you counting out of the mouth of yours, we’re starting all over again.” he says, you whine hands grasping the sheets under you in a tight hold.

“Understood?” he asks, your head moves against the mattress in a nod.

He rubbed your ass harshly, the first blow causing your mouth to fall open but you keep quiet.

“One” you whisper, eyes slammed shut.

Draco didn’t give you much time before he landed another harsh slap, causing you to bite down on the sheets. His slaps were hard, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t growing wetter by the minute.

“T- Two” you gasp, pushing back into him. He reacts by making the third harder than the last two combined, causing you to whimper. You instantly realize your mistake, sobbing and pleading.

“Your breaking this early? my my princess what a shame” he says, and his words cause your sob to intense.

“I- i didn’t mean to please” you protest sitting up to face him.

“Lay down.” he says, pushing your head back down, you obligate bringing your ass back up.

“Start over.” he says sternly, landing a harsh smack to your ass.

“One” you say softly, and he hums in encouragement.

“How about 10, i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt since your suffering pre-heat.” he says, and you nod vigorously.

He truly was giving you the benefit of the doubt, because the way you had acted today, you’d thought you’d at least get 20.

When you got to number ten, you were deep in a haze. Ass red and sore, eyes filled with tears. You’d let a few sobs out, but he didn’t make you start over. Either Draco didn’t hear or he was being nice.

“You were so good sweetheart” he whispers, mouth so close to your ear as he leans over your spent out body. And you know he’s lying, you did horrible. But he tended to be more lenient since he knew pre-heat was a living hell for you.

He flipped you back over, and you winced when your ass hit the sheets. He almost felt bad, but he knew you liked this, you loved it. That was why he had always had a safe word in place.

When you felt his tip lining up with your entrance, you could cry out of happiness. Draco cursed at how wet you were, he knew spanking got you going but this time it was on a whole new level.

“Oh my sweet girl, you are being starved” he whispers, you whine pulling him down close so you can feel him everywhere.

When he slips in, you whimper, feet pushing into his lower back. Your hand’s immediately go to his hair grabbing handfuls.

“Please” you sob, pushing your hips to him. He takes that as a sign that you’ve been pushed far more than he intended to push you.

He pushed into you fully, making you shout out his name. Your body racks with shivers, lips wobbling.

“Fuck, baby girl” he cursed, starting at a slow pace for you. He’s never seen you this far gone, but he fucking loved it.

When your hands pull at his hair, and your legs lock him in he begins his rough pace you love so much. And you completely fall apart.

“MNUGH” you cry, fingernails raking down his back and leaving marks.

“There we go, sweet girl” he whispers softly, in contrast to his hard thrusts.

You could feel him everywhere, and your mind could only think about him. He knew just how to make you feel good, and he never disappointed you.

His hands slip under your thighs lifting your lower half up, allowing him to push himself in deeper. His skin slapping into you ass, causing the most unholy sounds.

Each hard thrust has you pushed farther and farther in oblivion. His left arm moves under to your lower back, keeping you up while his right hand moves to your clit. This causes you to throw your head back, and your eyes to slam shut.

“Are you going to clean up that act of yours?” he asks, you nod tears steaming down you face.

“I promise!” you cry, sobbing when his thrusts begin to edge you even further.

“You were so mean” he says in a pout, making fun of you. You groan in a frustrated manor, which causes him to slap your clit.

“Don’t you agree?” he asks, cocking his head to the side. When you don’t answer or look at him, he takes his hand from your clit forcing your face to him.

“Look at me. I asked you a question.” he says, you whine opening your eyes.

“Y- yes i- i agree” you mumble, he smirks. Wiping the drool from your face, as well as pushing hair from your face.

“Drayyy” you whine, moving your hips with his thrusts.

“Shhhh, i know, i’m so sorry. But you deserved your punishment. You’ve been pushing me all day” he mumbles voice rough, right into you ear as his hot breath fans your neck. Goosebumps erupt, causing you to shiver.

“I didn’t mean to” you cry, shaking in his hold. You were so close, hanging on the cliff by a finger.

“My poor baby, just wants my attention, didn’t she?” he asks softly lips sucking and kissing your neck, you nod desperately.

You mumble an incoherent string of words, before you spasm in Draco’s hold and cum like you’ve never have before.

“Aw fuck, good girl, there you go” he mumbles, helping you ride out your orgasm as he slowly chases his.

Only then do you realize how wet you feel, looking down you gap at the mess. But you can’t comprehend it for long, before Draco’s letting go in you with a low grunt.

When he stills inside you, and the after sex cuddle session starts you gap at the mess.

“Draco…”

“You squirted” he grinned, you had no idea what that meant, but you sure as hell knew it felt amazing.

You basked in the post-orgasm glow for a while, before Draco makes you get up to take a shower. You protest, but you know there’s no getting out of it.

“Baby, you are sweaty, and sticky. So am i, there’s no way in hell i’m sleeping like this. Come on you’ll feel better after i promise, you always do.” he whispers softly, you obligate following him to the bathroom. Your arms wrapped around him, head leaned onto his back as you trail behind him.

When he starts the shower, he swirls around pulling you off the ground and sitting you on the counter. You immediately lean into him as he stands between your legs, head fallen to the crook of his neck.

When in your heat, you never took showers right after sex because you knew more sex was about to happen within the next hour. But when not in your heat, Draco really makes sure your clean and content after. You wanted to say you hated it, and you did when you had to be dragged out of bed, but he was right when he said you always felt way better after.

He never let you do much, washing your hair and body. All you had to do was occasionally lift up your arms or tip your head back, otherwise you were leant against him.

After, he helps you into some fresh clothes which typically are underwear and a shirt.

“Is that one itchy?” he drawls, and you push him playfully as you grumble. He just laughs, following you towards the freshly made bed.

You make in into the sheets, legs kicking under the sheets in giddiness. After a while of silence, you now straddling him as he lays flat and you have your head on his chest

“I’m sorry for acting like that today” you whisper, the heel of his palm pushing into all parts of your back.

“It’s alright baby, i know the shit you get put through, it sucks” he whispers, and you giggle to yourself which causes him to raise an eyebrow.

“At least i get sex all day” you mumble, he shakes his head as he lets out his own laugh.

“You’re ridiculous” he says, kissing the top of your head.

Ridiculous for him? absolutely.

[kuni-is-daddy]

Hear me out- fluffy comfort sex with scara bc y/n's severe daddy issues are acting up and it gets rougher... idk ive just been fantasizing about this 🤭

"For me~"

Tw: daddy issues, Signals of depression.

Scaramouche x GN reader PUREE comfort! :)

1.3K Words

scara masterlistt wanderer comfort

Fluff+smut

MINORS DNI---

Please make sure your taking care of yourself! I might not know you but your a beautiful person inside out who deserves the best and an amazing life no matter your age. Either young or old, things will get better. Have faith in yourself ❤️ I hope scara helps you feel better here💜

Art credit!

Even though scaramouche has a interesting personality. I feel like he truly can relate to MANY people regarding their problems and that's why he's one of my, if not favorite genshin character.

He's on break from his most recent mission in inazuma and treats you out and catch up as another date. He brings you a couple of gifts and some dango he kept cold just for you. "I thought you weren't a fan of dango scara?" "I'm not but.. figured I might as well bring something sweet for you besides myself" you giggled but that soon turned into a sad expression while you played with the box of dango he handed to you. "What's wrong y/n?"

Unfortunately, hearing about what's going on with your father was the last thing he wished to hear. Your his everything and you getting treated or viewed as nothing is something that makes his skin boil.

"tsk, how about I teach that old man a lesson? Humans are all the same. Taking it out on others because they can't handle the fucking truth or their own shit life. Where is he?" Scaramouche stood up from the table and looked at his surroundings.

"S-scara baby please it's fine its fine.." he sits back down. "Being with you already makes my day a blessing." You cup his cheek and he sinks into your warm touch. Looking at your beautiful eyes. He sighs, "you don't deserve this y/n. And..I'm not going to be here all the time for you. Fuck...this is already pissing me off"

"I don't even fucking have a father, but if I did I sure as hell wouldn't let myself get pushed around like this." You frowned. "Hey. Look at me. Your not a push over okay? I-im just saying this isn't right. Your beautiful and deserve the world y/n. I'd give you all of teyvat in a heartbeat" which you assumed he could after seeing the 'Shouki no kami' he and 'the doctor' have been working on. "Is he always home and like this?" "Yeah.. it's just like this when I'm around... So I'd just find something to do to try and take my mind off if it but..it still hurts." He held your hand. "Its going to hurt my love, it hurt when my mom abandoned me as well. Leaving me alone, but you have to find hope. Be it something small or anything. The fatui was.. a revenge thing you can say but. I found hope within you to be different..even if I am still in it. For now." You blushed "wow kuni~ I never knew you could be so nice." And there went his ego, "I just tell it like it is. And like I said, you are beautiful my love. And you certainly are worth it. Every hour, every second and every breath I take by your side."

It grew silent for a couple of minutes. Scara got up and paced back and forth thinking of a way to help you, to make you understand he loves you. He knew that deep in your thoughts we're tragedy and pain, that you we're alone. And he didn't want you to feel how he felt when his life crumbled due to the stoned face of a god.

He wanted to hurt that man, make him regret it. But he knew that wasn't the right way. Sometimes violence isn't always the answer and he learned that from you. You we're the yin to his yang, the beat in his heart. He loved you more than anything and you guided him into the 'happy' man he is today more then anyone could ever hope to become.

He didn't take you home, rather to his own home. It was dark, black painted walls and only 1 or 2 pictures he took with his 'buddy, Childe' and the rest we're all pictures of you. Even in his room he had taped up letters you'd write to him during his abroad trips. "Look. Come here." He was a little stern but you can tell it was because he was angry at how you we're being treated. "You see all of this here? I read these everyday. When I wake up, to be reminded that I'll always have you y/n." He held your hands and sat on the bed while taking his hat off. "I want you too feel the same way, even with that piece of shi- 'annoying parent' around. You don't have to read my letters my love, but please. Stay strong. For me. And for the future we will have together, side by side. Always."

SMUT🤪

Scaramouche laid you onto the bed and let out a groan "god look at this beautiful body of yours. How dare you look at yourself like this.. your fucking beautiful" he rubbed his hands along your body and took licks around your neck "I'm gonna treat you well t'night baby. And tomorrow I'm going to ask that brat Childe to take the rest of my missions for a bit(months) love." "B-but scara then your going to be so busy after-" he kissed you to keep you quiet. "Mmm mmm.. don't worry about that, trust me you'd be surprised to see the things he'd do after I put on a show for him(scara means killing a buncha people. Childe loves that shit😩)

Scara moved down to your private part, licking and kissing it "Scara~ stopp..your tongue~"

"Want me to stop baby? I know you like it." "N-no" you said while rubbing through his hair "you feel so good~" he smirked. "Good you like it. How about my fingers, you want that to?" "Y-yes daddy..wanna feel your fingers." Scara licked at his fingers and put two inside. "Mmm your so tight around my fingers baby..." He took his other hand and held your leg up while biting at your thighs. "Scara~ please~ ah...hah...." biting and sucking on your thighs until you got a hicky "Yes? What does love want." "I- I want you inside." He stopped biting at you and laughed. "Mmm and here I thought you wanted me to be gentle. And cherish your body." "I-i do but... I want more of you scara" "then take what you want of me, my love"

"Oh fuck baby..L-look at you, bouncing on daddys cock so well." Scara's praises made your body heat up. You two interlocked hands as you chased your orgasm "Yes y/n..Fuck yes. i love you. I love you so fucking much, Please cum for me. Let me hear those beautiful moans." "S-SCARA~ OH sHIT~" You cum oozed onto scara as he kept praising you, "Mm..fuck baby you did so well..So fucking well.. lay down f' me." Your body grew weak as your high started to fade and he guided you to the otherside of the bed. Scara licked off some of your cum while cleaning you up. "Shit.. and you taste good too baby." You threw a pillow at him "You pervet-"

You awoke to your boyfriend soundly asleep next to you. Already in his fatui attire. "S-scara...Your still here" He ruffly opened his eyes. "Of course id be here dumass.. But i do have to leave in a bit.. Otherwise how else am i gonna get that ginger idiot to take my work for a bit." You we're shocked that he still committed to what he said earlier, You thought he was just speaking to boost you up but scara was serious about it. You gave him a hug. "Im so glad to have you in my life Kuni. I love you."

"My god, my mother, humans. They've all abandoned me. Because I was 'weak. Not good enough.' But now I understand my love, I don't need them. Or what they say... All I need and want is you. I want to wake up to your beautiful smile. I want while I'm away for you to be happy. So please keep trying, not for those that dismiss you like they've done me. But for yourself and me. I believe in and love you. Just the way you are and the person you strive to be. I love your kindness, the way you smiled even when you we're sad on our dango date and wake up everyday even if it's the bare minimum. Dont hide those emotions anymore my love, When your hurt, Fall in my arms. Please stay, don't listen to that old bastard or the pain in your heart. I love you and I will stay with you until the bitter end to pick you up. Just like you always did for me"

Ps: I will be home Early, Tomorow evening most likely. Apparently, childe sees me as his 'best friend' and is willing to help regardless. What a looser. Anyway, I have to prep up for the fatui's grand dinner. I hope you ate today my love, Farewell until then.

-Kunikuzushi.

[anonoob]

SELF SHIP/OC x CANON Rant.

Moon Morningstar x Vox..

Gulpss. Okay so BASICALLY Moon had alot of character changes since er. Last time. Moons like. An anti-hero kinda. He LOVES his dad and sister, and at first he's completely on board with Charlie's hotel. In fact, he has similar dreams! Yes, he STILL has the dream of granting hell-born a chance of moving to earth. (His dream is RIDICULOUS dude that's NOT happening.) But due to certain encounters he has, this dream gets SHATTERED. He snaps at Charlie and like. Fights with everyone at the hotel before LEAVING!!! yeah. He's out roaming the streets of hell. Um. Woah! Who finds him? Vox! Wow! Vox sees this as an opportunity. An opportunity to

A. go viral, I mean, collaborating with one of the Morningstar's will truly upload your status.

And B. Take advantage of the hotel residents, cus. Yeah obviously?? He wants alastor DEAD!!!!!

After a few drinks, they come to an agreement. Moon stays with the vees, and they work together. So, moons SORTA an antagonist but also not. Cus while he understands Vox's intentions and doesn't help him, he like. Doesn't care what Vox does and doesn't stop him.

Their relationship itself is. Odd. They're kinda doomed. And they DON'T ever get better. Despite multiple efforts. Moon fell first, and the hardest. Sure, vox DOES express care, but he's.. well. A mess.

The relationship at FIRST is really just. "Oh yeah if we stick together we're strong" but EVENTUALLY Moon develops like. An attachment to him and the vees, and YEARNS for like. Love. He's a stupid hopeless romantic surrounded by people who only really understand sexual affection. And well, velvette's there too.

Now don't get moon wrong, he's down for that, but he doesn't want JUST that. We wants something.. more. And honest.

And VOX, well. He takes longer to like. Actually understand. Like. "Oh SHIT wait?? Fuck this guy's kinda.." idk man. Yeah!

BUT both of them fucking. Have so many issues with their personal selves that their relationship is just all over the place. They care for each other, but it ain't no Charlie and Vaggie relationship. But man, I love a ship that's not like, Abusive. but lowkey doomed/not healthy.

Now on to their dynamic, Moon and Vox are the perfect like. Example of one dude lowkey being a crashout (Vox) and the other being there to either cheer them on or calm them down (Moon)

And sometimes it's the other way around. Not often but when it is bro... Grins.

Moon doesn't have a low temper, but he WILL lose his temper in the right moments. Touch any of his loved ones? Yeah buddy run the other way...

Moons overall a good person, but he's losing that innocence, being around those guys. Vox is. Well. We all know he's a bad guy. But I do like the headcanon that around the vees he's like, somewhat caring. Like damn?? Sorry. I love the vees.

Also bonus; moons relationships with Valentino and velvette.

Moons friendly with Velv, in fact they get along quite well. Gossip buddies, maybe?

Moons.. on and off with Valentino. He forces himself to get along with him because, they're business partners.. BUTTT he does NOT support the guys actions to Angel, or well. Any of his employees.

OH! Also, Moon gets along with Angel Dust quite well, Moon gets the guy. They gossip sometimes, but also. They had to work together on a production for Valentino once, so they kinda had to get along.

Anyways. This ship is so Me and My husband core. Gulps

[beguilingcorpse]

PLEASE tell me some of your favorite sandwiches...i work at a diner and i get one free sandwich per day and i almost always get the exact same thing. gimme something that will deeply bamboozle the kitchen staff

thank you for this ask. i am so sorry for the sandwich tangent that it inspired. this post is in fact so long that i have to put it under a read more tag so it doesn't reach Do You Love The Color Of The Sky notoriety. also this has been written as, like, a general cooking guide instead of Things You Can Order At A Diner, but otherwise feel free to show this post to your kitchen staff and watch their minds crumble

to build a great sandwich - a truly Fucked Up Sandwich - you must first understand that a sandwich is, at its core, just some bread with stuff on it. as a disclaimer, i don't mean to diss the classics. they're around for a reason. i just know that PERSONALLY i am a little bit sick of the same second grade lunchbox sandwich, and PERSONALLY i prefer to push the boundaries of simple food preparation into the realm of the eldritch and unknown.

the sandwiches i make are different every time. you may have heard the old adage "cooking is an art." that is partially true, sometimes, kind of. cooking, for me, is more like a four year old getting access to paint for the first time and losing their whole goddamn mind about it. i want you to let go of every rule you think there is. make things up. go crazy.

the bread of the sandwich matters only insofar as it can support its fillings. i tend to use plain ol whole wheat, but honestly, you can use whatever you'd like. my big piece of advice here is to think about the structural integrity of your design. much like a bread engineer, because that's what you are. if your fillings are wet or gelatinous (hold on, we're getting there) you NEED a crustier bread. sara lee won't cut it. some people like fancy bread with herbs and shit. i see the bread more as a canvas than as part of the painting, but like, there are no rules. go ham.

speaking of ham. this is the section where you expect me to disavow lunch meats. i shan't. pre-sliced meat is a brilliant (and cheap!) way to provide the basis of flavor for your sandwich AND to make sure you get enough protein. if you're vegan or vegetarian, you'll have to skip this step, but that's okay because it's not an integral part of the process. that being said, i think it lays a solid foundation for the whole sandwich's raison d'etre.

pairing with a good cheese is a classic for a reason. i stay away from american - it melts beautifully, which makes it great for grilled cheese, but it also has an artificial quality to it that i don't really vibe with. swiss, provolone, and cheddar are staples, but honest to god, any cheese can be made to work if you build around it. (side note: the best grilled cheese uses american, pepper jack, colby, and a tomato. season the OUTSIDE of the bread with butter, red pepper flakes, garlic, and a dash of oregano. fry up an egg and put it on top and oh baby. ham optional if you want some extra protein.)

ok. you have your basics. now i need you to take a look around your kitchen and GO WILD.

one of my Go To Combinations is turkey, swiss, and a fruit jam (i like apricot). it is EXTREMELY good and easy to make, and the jam gives it just the right touch of sweetness to complement to mellow flavor of the turkey. if you're like, "oh, wow, you put JAM? on a SANDWICH??? ARE YOU OK????" you need to stop reading right now. the shaggy-like combinations that i concoct may be too strong for you, traveler.

if you like sweet foods and want to lean into that, keep exploring Fruit Road. jams and preserves work wonders. fruit butters are also nice for a more savory touch, but can get expensive and/or seasonal. you can also go for Fruits themselves: thinly sliced apple + ham + brie (or swiss, if you can't swing a more expensive cheese) is a godsend. most fruits belong on a sandwich tbh. grapes, tangerines, bananas, pineapple: it's all about the right context.

if you want to go Even Further Beyond, Fruit Road takes you right down to Sweets Avenue. honey works on most sandwiches, and - hear me out - will cut the tangy, eggy flavor of mayonnaise. it's easy for honey to overpower, though, so i'd say to go for a little before tasting and reassessing. plain or vanilla yogurt also complements fruit really well without being overpowering. if you REALLY want to go sweet, i like marshmallow fluff + bananas + peanut butter for protein. i've yet to find good vegan alternates to these, unfortunately - agave nectar would work in place of honey, but play around and see what you can come up with.

if you want to go savory, then Aromatics Boulevard will make sure you get substance and flavor. basil is an underrated addition to sandwiches, as are green onions, garlic (jarlic works great for this, don't @ me), and cabinet spices. you might need to try a little to get the proportions right, but chicken + mozzarella + plain yogurt + curry powder is frankly a godsend. i also lovelovelove a good sauce; nando's perinaise is usually region-specific, but it's creamy and tangy and goes with everything and i'm obsessed with it. get creative with what you have!

ok. this is my secret ingredient. come here. lao gan ma is chili oil, but with chili crisps in it. it is the single best ingredient in my kitchen. it's not expensive, a jar of it lasts forever, and you can find it at almost every asian grocery store. it is the perfect kick of spice to add to a sandwich. plenty of heat but not overpowering, and with a mostly savory finish. god it's so good. i scoop it with a knife to avoid most of the oil and spread just the crisp over the sandwich. crunchy, spicy, savory. mamma mia.

those are the BASICS of what i can give you. if you've read this far and you actually make a Fucked Up Sandwich PLEASE tag me in it, because odds are i'll try it. be bold. make a potato salad + tangerine + tahini monstrosity. (i haven't tried that but maybe it's good???) anything is a sandwich if you're brave enough. if you're still looking for inspiration, i get a lot of ideas from traditional tea sandwiches, which are usually ~3 ingredients and can get absolutely hogwild.

if you want more specific recipes or combinations then reach out and i can send you a list, but i hope that this gave you the tools and confidence to go forth and wreak havoc. have fun stay safe eat sandwiches!

[lovelyrotter]

I read your thing about stridercest. I didn’t super like the ship (I’m more of a lalondecest girlie) but I respect the hell out of the textual analysis you did. Anyway do you have any good fic recommendations? I want to see what you see in it.

oh fuck yeah i love sharing ship stuff especially with ppl who dont usually go here and vice versa for me. its like hell yeah im digging in sand and its fun i love my sand and then i turn around and woah i had no idea there was even MORE sand just behind me ya dig? that might not have made any sense hahaha. its the joy of trading pokemon cards except with ships

but okay heres some of my current faves. bear in mind i read mostly M and E rated stuff but ive got a sprinklin of lower ratings in here too. im also gonna categorize this list by stridercest flavour. theres a lot so this turned out like ridiculously long

anyone else goin through this feel free to link yalls faves in the replies too cause im ravenous. especially if its haldirk. im constantly craving haldirk

guardiancest

doku line terminus & two steps away from the county line by lildogie these first cause theyre my ultra faves rn and i cant get enough of this au. set in the same universe but county line is the prequel. a/b/o verse with lotsa interesting political stuff and also interpersonal dynamics. dave & dirk are there too and are real cute. its also got mysterious time travelling. i really cant sell these two enough like i am not doin these justice

davedirk / dirkdave

if i woke up next to you by bumbly | G, ~2,700 words, complete. SUPER sweet relationship study, made me fuckin melt. this author has really good stuff for other ships too but mind the archive warnings

dont joke about hentai face broctopus transplants im eating cheese n onion pringles here by smrtnik | M, ~1k words, complete. this one made me fuckin melt its so tender. it truly feels like were peeking into their life together. also great title

Stasis State by Caeslin | T, ~3k words, complete. another really intimate feeling one. its so fuckin sweet. mind the tags for typical dirk suicide attempt but its not on screen its moreso the recovery and how dave is affected by it

“stupid fucking bullshit” ad nauseam by anon | T, 13.7k words, complete. REALLY GOOD AU. trans striders, fade to black sex scene. the boys are cute and you can feel how much theyre drawn to each other immediately. wish there was more of this

sometimes the bad guy wins by nutrimercenary | E, ~7.5k words, ongoing. wow. oh wow. ive been looking for a davedirk fic like this for a long time. PLEASE read the warnings and tags but its so fuckin good. a crossdimentional narrative tug-o-war between dave and ult dirk i fuckin love it

got it goin on by bumbly | E, 7.5k words, complete. dirk indulges daves mommy kink after prying it outta him. its cute and funny and sexy it made me smile. their dynamic is sooo sweet

helping hands by ghostlyAnarchist | E, 5.1k words, complete. THIS IS SO GOOD. its got trans man dave and is genuinely one of the hottest transmasc fics ive read so far and boy howdy ive read a lot. slight warning for dysphoria discussion but its not too bad its all just hot af a dick-sucking venn diagram by Elendraug | E, 10k words, complete. first off domestic af. very established relationship and you can tell. its so fuckin sweet. i looove this one. its like the best kind of silly realistic smut its one of my faves of all time

STILL WITH ME by egbert | E, 8k words, complete. dave and dirk strife and then fuck in the bathroom. holy shit this is hot. their want is like tangible in this one

brodave and a!brodirk

hardware by orphan_account | E, ~8k words, complete. dave gets some dick piercings and bro goes insane about them. hot as hell and also features bottom bro which is my fave. its got a couple uses of the r-slur but its also from 2011 so i take it w/ a grain of salt. 2011 and earlier fics are like internet artifacts (/pos)

but you better never pull it by hapaxlegomena | E, 5k words, complete. wow. WOW. sub top bro and dom bottom dave need i say more. this sub bro activates my cute aggression the power play is great mars & murrie's by orphan_account | E, 6.8k words, complete. a!brodirk, omorashi. super hot!!!! alpha dave is sooo embarrassed about his piss kink but dirk wins in the end hahaha. really intriguing which i know sounds funny on an omo fic but read it and youll know. i love this alpha dave

temporal sunset by Plajus | M, 19.5k over 5 chapters, complete. a!brodirk. holy shit what a ride. this one held me hostage and now lives in my brain rent free (bdum tiss sorry). dirk is terminally ill so i know it wont be for everyone but give it a try and goddamn you wont be disappointed. trust me

a swinging pendulum by ghostlyAnarchist | T, ~900 words, complete. a!brodirk time/dream bubble encounter. wow just wow. the want. the yearning immaterial by LPSunnyBunny | E, 1k words, complete. a!brodirk, trans dirk. holy shit!!!!!! holy shit!!!!! hot hot hot!!!!!!! shower sex sensation control!!!!

haldirk

singular by 2x2verse | E, 6.8k words, complete. hal has an existential crisis dirk catches him and then they fuck tenderly about it. genuinely so romantic. im addicted to this kind of haldirk. honestly i just recommend the entire series diagnostics by 2x2verse | E, 2.9k words, complete. i know i just linked this authors whole collection of haldirk fics but holy crap this one in particular. dom/sub electrostim with sensory deprivation, hal is the dom. i LOVE how hes written here. very attentive domming, great details

A Fatal Error Has Occurred by Mortior | E, 42k words, 4/5 chapters. oh mortior my haldirk regent. really fuckin good character writing in an au where hal has an android body before the alpha session is started. read the tags for warnings. the tension between them is insane endangered by Mortior | E, 100k+ words, complete multichapter. holy fuck where to begin with this one. this is a haldirk sensation. post apocalyptic au where androids won the human-robot war. dirk runs into AR. AR takes an interest in him. dirk takes even more of an interest in AR. if youre gonna read any haldirk read this one

"im basically fucking him" series by Elendraug | T & E, all complete. so!!!!! fucking!!!!! tender!!!!! really cute haldirk progressing through their relationship

ridiculously late by cinnamonfreak | E, 21k, completed multichapter. a/b/o au where dirk suddenly presents. REALLY intriguing hal in this one i fuckin love the power play

roboporn by smrtnik | E, 3.9k words, complete. really fun power play in this one. hal is waterproofed externally but not internally. he gives dirk a handie over his open chassis torso. theres also really sweet snuggling afterwards

[gaemms-chamois]

random unorganized darknights trio + paprika musings bc sometimes i'm hit with like a pang of Brief Worry that i'm completely misinterpreted blabla that usually doesn't last too long bc i then go back to my state of I'm Just Vibing but ig at some point i just gotta let it out publicly once and be done with it lol

this is messily written Please Understand this isn't meant to be a grand thought piece

fuuuck ok well this is like very specifically abt the w, ines & paprika part now

like don't get me wrong on this. i joke abt wines moms and stuff but i dont genuinely mean it in the way of wahh wow littol family for reals kinda deal?

less on wines 'adopting' paprika, moreso paprika imprinting on them like a duckling after she was saved by them. paprika adopted them lmao. i cannot possibly interpret either w or ines as Maternal in such a way.

it's moreso that i think it's nice that this little sarkaz merc became part of the story, a girl who all her life since she was infected at a young age, was presented with becoming a mercenary being basically the only option for her.

and then, as annoying as w can be, being shown that she does have different options.

i just think it's sweet that paprika, judging by her voicelines, clearly looks up to w and ines. which is just amplified by the fact that w and ines are notoriously not the most popular people on rhodes lol. and she calls w annoying but still keeps knitting stuff and wanting to gift food to her. like if she often seeks out w and ines to tell them how well she did on something, when they are on the ship, etc. that'd at least indicate that those two humor her.

ALSO IT'S UNOFFICIAL BUT SHOUTOUT TO THAT LITTLE CHUZENJI ART WITH PAPRIKA AND W, INES & TOTTER WEARING KNITTED HATS SO CUTE

OKAY WOO DARKNIGHTS MERCENARY TRIO AND STUFF

cool yeah obviously i fucking love them. i'm not very good at words though and i tend to keep my more elaborate thoughts to just discussions between friends who know how i tick djsfhdfs

just the other day i was smiling to myself during a walk bc holy shit all three are actually playable now and that's not just wishful thinking anymore. anyway chapter 13 also happened and more stuff with the trio happened and Cool Lots of things Happening and my brain is full

they're so found family to me, like in an utterly unconventional way. i mean c'mon with how they act sometimes like- ykno. but like have y'all seen the new furniture set and descriptions that came with hoederer's release it made me go insanse.

but i think especially in ines' case it just kinda highlights that best. considering ines' arts can figure people out (putting that in rather vague terms), it truly means something when someone with her capabilities and temperament has people she chooses to stick by and actually trust. even if she pretends she doesn't by verbally denying it.

like waugh Okay they have a lot to unpack and shit but with them being reunited (take that, W file that said W needs companionship but her friends aren't around anymore) and having a COMPARATIVELY more ""relaxed"" life than before (that one Hoederer file where he just has rather regular days on rhodes), it's just nice to imagine they can finally have something better and figure stuff out. as complicated as the three of them are.

with that said i think it's a given that i despise a nuclear family treatment of the three (aka mom ines, dad hoederer, daughter w).

for one with me being highly doubtful w was a kid/teen at the start of darknights (young? sure, but not that young), which just seems like such a...widespread belief that i really do not get? arknights always put a LOT of emphasis on when a character's story was about them being a kid, 0 of that with w. like something about her expression and big cloak just gave people some different impression, even though she literally keeps looking the same aside from a change of clothes. only instance of w being called a kid during that time i can think of is that one boiler worker in her files but that seems way more like any typical old guy calling anyone on the younger side a kid. hell, even hoederer was called young in darknights, like in a sarkaz's lifespan i can believe that.

and also...hoederer had somewhat of a mentor-like role for w, but if anyone tries to tell me ines ever acted maternal towards w i will chew through your walls. read through darknights memoir and actually pay attention to ines, both w AND ines were pettyass women and they made that so very clear. cannot fathom how anyone can see ines as having been motherly towards w

seriously just feels like a case of Well there is man and there is woman....and this other character so clearly these are mom, dad and kid.

that's not even me being biased towards w/ines, just how i objectively see it. hell, i even ENJOY ines/hoederer, but my enjoyment of it is limited bc for some reason ppl like to make it weird by shoving w in as some daughter. i promise it's completely possible to like ines/hoederer without trying to fit in w as a kid figure

anyways yeah like cool i like these characters I Guess. Look at them

[chii-sweets]

first entry of 2025

Wow, I haven't vented on tumblr in ages but hey, new year new depressed me?

January has been feeling never ending, like I swear years passed by instead of just 23 days. I started off the year not the best but I did have a lot more hope than I do now.

I started drinking anti stress pills, nothing you need a prescription for but I need them to get me through a work day. I hate my job and I've been working only for 4 months..It's not even that bad, I get to work from home which is cool but the job itself is so unrewarding. It's a call center technical support job, ifykyk. I liked it at first but now I dread going to work each day, I hate how I have to work in shifts and that sometimes my shift is till 23:00. All breaks are scheduled too which sucks, complains 24/7 from people who don't know or don't want to do a simple task or restarting your router...It gets to me.

Before that I had an okay job, I worked there for 2 years, also had to do with calls but it was a regular 8 to 5, was more prestigious until they made me do other stuff (SALES! cause every fucking company wants to do sales, even at my current job they want me to sell shit to clients) but I got let go. It was pretty fucked how they let me go, didn't get severence pay or anything , in fact I got screwed financially by them cause you should never trust managment. Lesson learned.

I almoust got the job I wanted before I got turned down in favor of someone more experienced...I also broke up with my fiance cause the relathionship got very toxic for both of us. But we're still friends which is nice. I never truly loved him as a boyfriend though...I did try to fall in love but couldn't. Isn't it funny? That the one thing you wanted more than ever to have your own family , you found someone willing to give you that but youj justs didn't want to be tied to him all your life cause you felt miserable. I'm so stupid.

I moved back in with my family, saving for a mortage..I'm so tired. I wish I was more happy and grateful, but I'm not. I grew to be bitter and cruel..I wish I could tell my friends how I feel but I'm scared to..I was the bubbly friend and I want to be remembered as a sunshine not as a storm causing calamity to everything she touches.

Books and movies and music is all I have, daydreams to keep me sane. No matter what I do, I feel miserable and everytime I try to change my situation something goes south. I gave up on trying, I just don't want to feel , I want to just be content at least.

[phoebehalliwell]

melinda warren meeting all of the CO's children?

ooh okay this is tricky because if we're here like yippee we're wiccaning someone like yayyy this is chill or We Need The Origin Of Our Bloodline Here Stat. personally, i think for wyatt, maybe also chris, lil bit for melinda/pj/kat/tam but ehh. i think melinda warren is kind of like that really cool aunt. like she's only ever over for wiccanings so they only get to chat on special occasions idk maybe when the veil is thin on all hallow's eve the girls summon melinda to help teach them the olde ways or whatever so like. for wyatt at the very least melinda is always a welcome presence and a big hug, she's like the family member you look forward to catching up with at the gathering.

melinda and chris first meeting would actually go crazy if it was the dark future and it was something to do with the bloodline idk chris has to go back and melinda is overcome by how much he kind of is what she wants prudence to grow up to be a smart, capable witch, discreet, but not cowardly, no, so brave that you would risk everything to save the ones you love. and i think chris having piper died when he was still pretty young to get an ancestor's I Am Proud Of You And I'm So Glad Our Lineage Culminated In You would fully rewire his brain. he would come back a different man.

melindaH i think it would be super cute if she accidentally summoned melindaW without knowing and spent the day getthing close to this new girl who transferred in from community college in salem (wow! so cool!) blah blah blah and it's revealed at the end it's actually melinda warren!

cupitches would be the narrative where we confirm that Matthew The Warlock is indeed prudence's father and that is why the warren line has always had their flirtations with the dark side! we could in fact confirm that maybe matthew did love her but one of them broke some sacred rule some magical law causing a backfire on someone's spell or something and it reverted matthew to and Evil Warlock... he did it because melinda had a premonition of herself burning at the stake... so he did some ancient dangerous magic to make him stronger and protect his family... but it backfired and made him email. evil. i'm keeping that typo in there that is a true freudian slip. anyways maybe lessons we learn here maybe one of them learns you cannot protect your family by always going on offence (cough cough parker) maybe someone learns sometimes love is in fact not enough to save someone (pj) and maybe a third unnamed sister learns you can never truly outrun your destiny. (peyton.) anyways we can also retcon the three sisters melinda Specifically saw were pj parker and peyton lol. i don't think it would be received well but god it is tempting.

tamora i think i would send back in time and i would have her have to guard a twelve year old girl who she does not find out is melinda warren til the very end and throughout the episode like melinda's like wow i'm so glad i have to cool and capable powerful witch to help me bc otherwise i would sure die and the entire time tam's like fuck fuck ohmygodd fuck shit fuck aaaahhh!! anyways. helps tamora realize she is cool and capable.

henry jr i would like for her to meet in the present idk what they'd do together but it'd probably have to be a b or c plot because it would just wrap up too quickly they'd be way to capable together. could be a good episode where henry is really feeling disconnected from the family.

kat i might want to do past lives. idk who she'd be or how she would act with melinda. it might actually be funny if they kind of had beef. all of these have been to positive maybe it's time to get some haters up in here. maybe kat's avoidance issue clash with melinda's fiery fight for what's right energy? maybe vice versa. maybe kat wants to save a witch from burning but melinda knows she can't do it without risking exposure for all of them. maybe both...... kat has been known to run but her lover has been caught. melinda has seen the future and knows the only way for their coven (??) to survive or something is to not intervene. kat does tho (in a way no one realizes) (she soul swaps with her lovers so she can live on while kat burns).

[psychabolition]

Hai!! I felt like talking about this to someone, but since I have no available friends, I decided to send this here. It’s kind of a vent about a lot of things, but I’ll try to focus more on things about psych.

I’m sorry for any English mistakes as it isn’t my first language and I’m not fluent. I’ll use terms like “mental health”, “disorder”, “diagnosis”, etc. because I sincerely don’t know how to substitute them.

I started therapy for some years now, at first I wanted it but now it’s because of my parents (specifically mother). I’ve gone through two therapists/psychologists and a psychiatrist.

My first therapist was quieter than me and it was horrible, I used to pass most sessions completely in silence and feeling uncomfortable, and she would just look at me and occasionally ask questions. She fucked up my whole experience. One time, I told her I was purging food (I have trouble with my relationship with food since I was a very small kid), and later she told my mother with my consent. It made me trust her more, I talked to her about traits of autism I thought I had (I don’t think I’m autistic anymore, I have some traits, but not enough to affect my life seriously in my opinion). I told her to not tell my mom until I said it was okay to tell.

Then, since therapy doesn’t help shit, some stuff happened and I started self-harming. My mom discovered, and went to talk to her with me. My therapist said for me to get out so she could talk to my mother alone, and when I got back inside, she said “I had to tell her about the autism thing”. Like???? No tf you didn’t have. It had literally nothing to do.

Anyway, my relationship with my mother got worse. My mom would be mad at me at any sign of being uncomfortable in social situations, and she used to yell at me and cry and say I didn’t have anything. That’s why I told my therapist to not tell her, I knew she would act like this, I told her she would act like this.

Then after a while I started with other therapist. I’m much more interactive with her, but doesn’t mean she’s better. One time I told her an old man on the street told me I was very pretty, and she said “wow. if you believed it, he’s a very good liar” (I was literally twelve). When I expressed that I was having trouble with school and couldn’t finish most calculus tests, she said “if all your colleagues can and you can’t, then you’re wrong”.

One thing that I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be reassurance or something because it’s in my record that I had bulimia and body dysmorphia, is that she sometimes grabs my wrist and says I’m too skinny and need to eat more. It’s horrible to hear that. I’m trying to recover from a restrictive disorder right now, and everytime she says it, I feel shitty. I was a skinny kid my whole life, always told that I needed to eat more, then I got older and gained some more body fat. My grandma (an ex-psychologist by the way) once told me “you look fuller now, don’t you?”. I know it wasn’t because she wanted to upset me, but damn. And hearing my therapist saying I’m too skinny makes me not want to recover, because if I do, people will tell me I’m fat, and I always were skinny, I can’t be fat.

I hate how much of a validation seeker I am. I hate psych, I hate this system, I hate how it works, yet I feel like I will never be truly taken seriously if I don’t have a fucking paper full of stereotypes telling me my brain is difficult and I need to take meds to be able to exist in the capitalistic world. I wish life was easier, I wish we weren’t so stuck in the system we created ourselves. If we could at least see each other a community, as a family, which is what we are, it would be so, so much better. Instead, we kill our own species. I’m completely sure that most things like depression and anxiety wouldn’t exist if capitalism wasn’t a thing.

I was raised with an awesome education, I’m very privileged. I studied mostly in public schools, but now I’m in a private one and I’ll stay here until I graduate. My father is an incredible parent, he’s very smart, he always taught me about politics, since very young. He’s a believer of natural medicine and treating each other as a community/family too, he was a communist, then an anarchist, then now he believes in the anarchist way of doing a revolution but he likes the idea of a society like indigenous communities work. He was also a punk in his young years. He went to many tribes too, various rituals, was taught a lot by indigenous people.

Something that scares me is that in my country at least, there’s a wave of conservative teens/young adults. So many people talking about conservatism and classical gender roles, using the Bible to justify their mediocre ideas. It makes me upset. They are cowards, really. I don’t blame people who believe on conservatism and don’t have sources to study, it’s not their fault at all, but most people saying they are conservative and talking about stuff like this in their socials and so are obviously upper class.

That’s basically it. I wanted to take this out of my chest. I’m so damn sick of this system. Hopefully I’ll pass in all the subjects and be able to have more time to study about politics and be active.

Thank you so much for this blog, it’s amazing and I’m so glad I found it. I discovered about anti-psych by your blog, and I really want to know more.

— 🌾

First fuck your therapists .

Its so weird that a lot of therapists literally just look at you and say nothing in therapy. Its so common 😂😭 and they think this helps, how ?? It only makes meeting them awkward as hell and alienates you from them . Its so fucking weird ,and so typical for therapists. Also how did she manage to make your life even more complicated by worsening your relationship to your mom ??? Also all the things the other therapist said about how you look and about the random creepy dude that borderline harrassed you literally WTF

Also, you talk about how you hate that you have/had to depend on the psych system . I'll try to describe what made me stop feeling this way + stop having to do this.

I dont think capitalism creates mental illness. I think the social construct of "mental illness" (NOT the lived experience of those struggling) fits really well into capitalism and is created by a neoliberal capitalist society that loves to blame individuals for systemic issues. I think capitalism/imperialism/white supremacy/patriarchy/kyriarchy create so much distress in us that a lot of us want to kill ourselves and/or that a lot of us literally go insane.

What helped me get rid off the thought that I somehow need to rely on the psych system and diagnoses and their treatments was understanding the biomedical model better. The biomedical model is psychiatries' way to explain our deviation from neuronormativity (=what societally deemed 'normal' to think/feel/do depending on your assigned gender/age/socioeconomic status/...) - this includes the norm deviation of "suffering more severely than others" .No diagnosis label "causes" any mental pain/suffering. There is no "mental illness" that results in suffering. If youre struggling or in pain you dont have "symptoms" of an underlying "illness". All mental illness diagnoses are solely descriptive labels - they literally only summarize experiences that you have . Thinking "well i do x because i have y condition (which was diagnosed based on clinician observations of x) and my brain is simply broken in a way requiring me to submit to expert clinical management and surveillance" is a sure way to make you go to therapy and try meds again and again and again . Like if you say "Im suicidal because of my depression (which is a label I got because I am suicidal)" it is like saying "I'm suicidal because I'm suicidal" . Its a circular logic . The question remains: what is actually the cause of your pain ??? The biomedical model has never been proven to be true - you dont have low serotonin if you are labelled with depression this theory has been disproven several times for decades now, there has never been found a genetic defect for those labelled with schizophrenia and "neurotypicals" dont have a different brain than "neurodivergents" . This is not a secret, ask your psychologists/psychiatrists.

Also I repeat myself but all diagnoses and treatments have very little reliability and validity . Which means if you see 10 psychologists/psychiatrists they most likely all diagnose you with sth different and they all try different "treatments" . Theres no specific treatment that works for any specific diagnosis . This is scientific fact. Psychologists also openly admit this .💀 I dont want to make you feel hopeless though , my view on this inability of psychiatry to "help" is that since (in my opinion) there is no dubious illness , that apparently never has any definite cause and no one is ever really at fault for (but yourself), we can empower ourselves by actually naming the cause of our pain and then creating a world for each other where our needs are centred and madness is not seen as an individual failing but a greater incentive to solidify our communities.

Here are some examples I thought of on how you we can rid ourselves of psychiatry's oppression in your community . Theres much more we can do though these are just a few thoughts that I had on the subject of actively working on abolition.

Heres a anti psych harm reduction guide on "disorderly" eating .

Also read this book about a marxist analysis on mental illness and psychiatric hegemony (or at least the first chapter) . It will make you stop seeking validation from the psych system ,or at least thats the effect it had on me .

Also in my opininion the concept of recovery/health/wellness that psychiatry sells us sucks and I personally dont feel like I ever benefitted from the psychiatric narrative of "getting better" .

Also wow your dad sounds so cool !You should def talk w him about anti psych/psych abolition !!! He probably already knows a lot about prison abolition - which is probably the best way to get him to understand psych abolition haha . It works really similiar .

I hope my opinion and perspective on this subject was helpful somehow . But remember, what Im saying is only my perspective .theres lots of different anti psych stances and ways of doing anti psych activism ,theres no one truth . Im mostly speaking from my experience and the things I learned from them .

[morning-sun-brah]

Okay so I've just GOTTA know... how the hell do you write the way you do?? I haven't been able to get sucked into any written work since high school, trauma brain and all. I used to live in books so it's been hell, but your writing got me back into reading, and makes it so I can get lost into that little world again, which I've craved but been able to have for like... so long. Writing is something I've always been into, but I let my fear of failure and need for perfection stop me. Just... do you have any advice for beginners?? It would mean the world to me, but I understand if it's an annoying ask! Thanks for reading no matter what!

Well I am just a mess reading this (in the best way possible).

First of all, thank you so much omfg. And of COURSE it isn't annoying! This is so flattering I'm about to cry my dude.

As far as tips on writing, I feel like I am not the person to ask because I'm just this little weirdo on the internet who likes turtles lol. But!! In an attempt to try and give real advice here is my response... and it got a little wordy so it's all under the break lmaoooo.

~Gin's rambling attempt to give writing advice~

Practice! Literally the only reason I can string coherent words together is because I've been doing this as a hobby for like two whole decades.

Also!! Read! Consuming other fics and books really helps. Sometimes you find a way of saying something that sticks with you. Sometimes you sit and think "I would have done it this way/said it this way." Sometimes you come out on the other end and go "Wow I am a hack that was amazing." Sometimes you finish something and go "Wow that was fucking terrible I'm amazing." Sometimes you read something and it fires off your brain, and you are left itching to write your own story. But however you feel, it's all GOOD FOR WRITING. It helps you grow! It literally helps you find your voice!

Other little things; When I write, I truly immerse myself. I am playing out in cinema format what is happening in the "scene." How is this person reacting? How do they look- down to facial expressions. How are they feeling? Is this something they would say? (would they fucking say that??? is something I think to myself every time I open a doc) And when I write it all down, I try my very best to convey that "scene" that played out in my head. I try to capture that character's voice, their mannerisms, their habits.

Does this even make sense? I sure hope so.

Also, flow. Make sure we're moving right along. Keep track of where hands, legs, and torsos are. If they were sitting when the scene started, and you need them standing to kiss or fight or do a thumb war, at some point you need to make sure you say they stood up. If a hand was on a cheek, it can't suddenly be on an ankle without telling the reader what happened.

I also just think adding little details helps with immersion. When we talk to people, we don't just stand around. We fidget. We pick our nails or scratch our arms or shuffle our feet. All those little details can add to that immersion (or I think so, I'm no expert). "He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck before saying..." - Wow, what an awkward little shit. "They scrunched their nose and gave a near-violent eye-roll" - Oh ok they are annoyed! "She shifted her feet and replied"- cool she's being a person, I shift my feet too, neato.

Anyway, nothing I wrote 20 years ago is as good as it is now. I'm highly convinced that I'll think the same thing in another 10 years, about anything I've published recently. But it is getting better, and it's because I keep at it. Having friends in the fandom and beta readers really helps. Make sure you find someone who you know will be positive but honest. And remember, YOU are always going to be your own worst critic.

God why did anyone ever let me have access to a computer. Why the FUCK is this so long? Does it even make sense? Jfc, I'm going to post it and eat a fucking cookie.

I believe in you anon. Also, I love you and thank you so much for making my whole week. I'm going to be so obnoxious about this shit, everyone expect to hear from my ass an annoying amount (kidding, but seriously I'm so fucking flattered thank you so much. This kind of shit makes me wonder what the fuck you're all reading because I swear I am just a silly gal with seasonal depression who needs a haircut).

((Also, anon, I wish you nothing but the best. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and know that I am sending you like a million hugs))

[slapjacq]

Alright red valley first listen round 4 (Clive and let die-s3 ep2) I’m so ready:

Clive and Let Die:

This man is absolutely fucking hysterical I’ve been cracking up for the past 3 minutes straight

Oh Jesus he’s gonna listen to ALL of Gordon’s shit

Which ninja turtle hes gonna fuck marry or kill that’s gold holy shit

When corporate finds out you’re out sick the feeling is real

DEV PATEL?

HE PLAYS FUCKING FORTNITE THIS IS INCREDIBLE

HOLY SHIT THE FUCKING DOOR STORY

I love this game guys truly I’m also insane for enjoying it

Holy fuck

The horse story is fucking nuts

Warren being more concerned about the horse is so fucking real

Also the morphine bit adds to my theory that hes constantly high

Making fun coworkers that you hate is half the fun of work. Which isn’t a lot but it is enough

Oh these writers either spent too many times imagining saw traps or watching final destination and honestly respect

Also let’s go gender inclusivity in the horrible death stories

Clive is a fucked up little bastard I thought he’d be enjoying this shit

(Also quick note, I adore that the people who make this podcast don’t shy away from shouting out their predecessors, fellow creatives, and influences)

S3 ep1:

WAIT I FORGOT THAT PAM SURVIVED SHOUTOUT HER

there is never a day where Clive doesn’t bitch someone out and neither is there a day where he doesn’t get bitch out by someone else.

wait I know that voice

PETER LUKAS???

GODDAMN HES GOING AFTER HIS ASS

Clive is about as subtle as a metal bar hitting a tile floor

HOLY SHIT THE CRUISE SHIP

Oh yall got your ptsd from a lab? My mom just told me we had plenty at home.

WAIT I DIDNT REALIZE BRYONY WAS THE ONE WHO FUCKING SHOT HIS JNEES CAPS HAHAHAHAHA

Jesus Clive’s got some BAWLS GODDAMN GOOD FOR HIM IG

S3 ep 2:

I like pam now she’s just as much of a ball buster as clive. He needs to be humbled sometimes.

THE ALOHA ETERNITY HAAHAHHA

oh Jesus Pam thanks for reality check/prediction for the future I almost forgot I’m never gonna be able to buy a house

Clive what the fuck don’t be reading us Americans right now there’s a fucking election right around the corner and I’m handling it worse than I’d like to admit.

WAIT CLIVES HIGH

HES DOING POPPERS LMAO

oh wow Clive is being vulnerable

OH YOUR THERAPIST SAYS SO?

OH HESUS CLIVE I FEEL BAD

I don’t know how to deal with crying either Pam

“Rich old white people who expect to rule the world forever”

I can’t believe the fucking cruise ship worked

Okay I adore Clive and Pam’s dynamic

Another thing these writers are good at is making care about characters I wasn’t quite attached too if anything happens to these two I might end up on the 10 o’clock news.

Ah yeah I’d get fucked up with these two

[kaysters247]

Deadly Inferno {A Patrick Hockstetter Fic}

Word Count: 1056

Part 5 - Hate The Way

Warning: Mature Themes

I awoke the next morning laying face down on my pillow, my naked body covered with a thin sheet. The sun shown brightly through my bedroom window and I just felt..... alive. I rose my head up trying to adjust my sleepy eyes to the light, noting my camera was sitting firmly on my bed next to me with a photo next to it. I softly grabbed it from its spot and chuckled a little when I saw what it was. A picture of Patrick standing in the middle of my room with a shit eating grin on his face, me in the background knocked out, completely naked. That was a photo I'd have to hide for sure.

"Get your lazy ass up Les!" I jumped a little from the sudden sound of Henry from outside my room, thankful it was summer and not a school morning. I just plopped back down, smiling a little into the abyss I call my room. Last night jump started what I knew was going to be an eventful summer, one full of Patrick. Literally, since he knows every single inch of my body now. Speaking of, once I sat up, my body screamed to lay back down from how sore i truly was. My wrists were raw from how tightly he bound them above my head, little trails of fire marks lined my right arm because I wouldn't stop squirming during him eating me out. He punished me with fire, just like he said he would. And nearly tore me apart during sex.

"Les! You up??" Vic's hushed tone had me in a hurry to throw some clothes on, an Aerosmith shirt and skull pants doing the trick for the day. I threw my hair up into a bun, then swung my door open to greet Vic with a little smile. And he knew immediately that something had changed with me. He wasn't stupid. He always knew if something was up. Sometimes it was a curse to be honest.

"No.... Holy shit no.... Did you and Patrick.....?" I practically yanked him into my room, just as I saw Patrick himself coming out of Henry's room from across the hall before I could shut my door, his eyes lingering on me longer than they should have. But Henry wasn't around. So it didn't matter. He seemed..... humored. But simply walked away as if nothing happened.

"Don't announce it to the whole house Vic! I don't want to end up six feet under in the backyard today okay?" I slammed my door shut upon my words, hoping my dad was gone for the day. He usually was by now since it isn't a weekend. He walked around my room with such a smile on his face like he could burst at any given second, noting the photo still laying on my bed, now on my pillow where I left it last. His eyes grew wide, before handing it to me with a blush on his cheeks.

"Wow Les.... that's more of you than I've ever seen. Not that I'm complaining...." I slapped his arm a little with a blush of my own showing, not used to so much sexual attention. Patrick was my very first sexual encounter. He literally screwed my brains out for me to have left that photo laying around. If only I knew what trouble I was currently in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{At The Quarry}

“God this water feels fucking fantastic!" I practically glowed within the sunlight as I swam in the water that I could only guess was technically filth water. Yet, I didn't seem to care. It was summer, and i was having fun. Bev was grinning from ear to ear, seeing I was wearing the bathing suit we snuck out of a store together because my dad sure as hell would never approve of me owning this. Let alone wearing it.

"And your love marks look fantastic! Where do you get those?! I would love to have my own...." She winked at me in playfulness, knowing exactly where they came from but giving me a hard time. She loved doing that. She was like the little sister I never had. Only dreamed of.

"Her dark Prince. That's where." I jumped a little from Patrick's sudden voice in my ear, so caught up in my own thoughts that I never heard him sneak into the water behind me. His arms looped around my waist, never once moving his lips from my ear.

"So, did you enjoy your little alone time with Criss in your room? Did he like the photo? Because from what I heard he really enjoyed it....." His whispered words sent a shock of fear through me. He never left the hall. He must have came back when he heard the door slam. Shit.....

"It's not like that Pat...." His grip on me tightened, his fingers suddenly digging into my skin so harshly I had to hold back a yell from escaping my lips.

"Better not be princess. You won't like what happens if it is. I told you, you can't sleep with anyone else." During this whole exchange, Bev kept looking over at us because she could see the fear on my face. Yet, I didn't want to be away from him. I'm fucking crazy. Psycho.

"I'm not a slut Patrick." I muttered the words with such hatred, I was fuming now. Everyone thinks I'm the town slut. Amusing. His low chuckle in my ear only caused goosebumps to form on my skin, his grip finally easing a bit. Jealousy. He was jealous? He slowly kissed my neck, leaving a bite here and there, sucking on my skin before anyone else could see. Thankfully, Henry, Belch and Vic weren't around. That means Patrick followed us. Followed me. As usual.

"You're mine Leslie. Don't forget it." I closed my eyes with the sudden urge to attack him in the water about to outdo me, yet I held my own. He drove me absolutely insane in the best way. And I absolutely hate the way he makes me truly feel. I can't ever love this guy. Because it's not in our nature. But fuck, if he doesn't make me feel everything all at once. This summer was shaping up to be eventful. If only I knew how eventful.