#but to me it's about how they each had what the other needed the most at the time

[ceesimz]

Evergreen

Glimpses of your relationship. (Autistic Reader)

Reverie series can be found here. This is structured differently than the rest, it's multiple blurbs in one that I've written over time, which has definitely made it unnecessarily long but it's super light-hearted and fluffy so hopefully it's worth it

Being in a committed, serious relationship was new to you. You had dated, and… that was about it. That’s as far as things had gone in the past. 

Yet, here you were, making your way through the airport after spending Christmas back home in ice cold, snowy Norway, a small smile on your face at the thought of the person waiting to pick you up and take you home.

It was a strange adjustment, that was for sure, but a very welcome one. Having someone at your side felt… comforting. Knowing you could go to her for anything at any time was comforting. However, sometimes it worried you that you had to commit your every day to her. Not in the sense that you couldn’t settle down with her and her only, no way. Instead, you were anxious about the fact that there were times you needed your alone time, where you needed the world to quieten down a little to give you the space you needed to regulate yourself. Would Alexia understand that? Or would it irritate her that sometimes the only thing she’d get from you was radio silence?

In the end, you didn’t need to worry for even just a second. As a matter of fact, you found that peace in Alexia’s company. Not all the time of course, that wasn’t entirely realistic and time alone was still something you needed, just… less often. You wanted to spend everyday with her, even when you were mentally exhausted or burnt-out and so stressed you feared your hair would turn grey. 

You hadn’t planned to fall in love within mere months of living in Barcelona, nor had you expected to fall for a teammate. However, sometimes the most surprising things end up being the best. You adored Alexia and all that she was, especially when she demanded that she drop you off and pick you up from the airport and left no room for arguing. 

The sight of her waiting for you as you walked out of the arrivals door was worth the ten days of torture being away from her. There was no way in hell you could have controlled the shy, excited grin on your face as you wandered over to her.

She didn’t hesitate in holding her arms out when you got closer, an equally sheepish smile greeting you before you stepped into her space. The blonde let out an audible sigh of relief when her chin landed on your shoulder, holding you tightly against her whilst your hands slipped underneath the puffer jacket she wore and landed on the small of her back atop her sweater. For a few moments, the pair of you indulged in the comfort of the other after going so long without it. Hundreds of people passed by you as you did, each of them nothing more than a fleeting stranger with a life as complex as your own, yet your interest in their stories and the lives they led paled in comparison to the all-consuming feeling of Alexia’s embrace. 

Despite how you had technically just gone home, back to Norway where you grew up with all your family around you, that reuniting hug was… something more. Something deeper. You couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was about it.

“How are you? How was the flight?” She murmured quietly, pressing her lips to your coat-covered shoulder before leaning back and gazing down at you.

“Tired. My mind is frazzled.” Alexia scrunched her nose at the unfamiliar phrase, and though she had never heard it before, she seemed to understand what you meant by it. You smiled at her as she did it, finding it much more adorable than you'd ever care to admit.

“Let's get you home, eh? With… with me? I stay?” She asked, wanting nothing more than to fall onto the sofa with you and lay there for the rest of her days.

“Yes, god yes. I missed you.” You told her. The blonde chuckled softly and pulled you back in, this time with her cheek resting against your forehead as you nuzzled your nose against her jaw.

“Sí, I will stay with you. Por supuesto.” Alexia said in a whisper, her lips pressing a kiss to your temple. “I missed you too. It was so strange without you.”

“How so?” You wondered, content to stay there in her arms with the warmth of her drowning out the cool chill of the terminal.

“I was sad. Whenever I had some free time, I went to ask if you wanted to come over or I go to you or we have food together or something. But you weren't here and then I was sad. I'm never sad.” You giggled at the last statement, because despite staying in touch whilst you were gone with both calls and texts frequently throughout the day, it was nowhere near the same as being there in person. You understood exactly what she meant.

“Don't be silly, you're the most popular person in Barcelona. You know everyone there somehow, nevermind the thousands of fans too.” 

“Maybe, but none of them are you.” 

Your first instinct was to roll your eyes at her statement, which made her grin, but it did something to you. To you and your heart, to the butterflies in your stomach.

“Calla, Ale.” You shook your head, though spoke with a sheepish gratitude to your voice and a weakness to your knees that had her laughing quietly.

“I am being serious. I wanted you to have an amazing time at home but I wanted the days to go fast so I could see you again.” 

Her hand that landed on your cheek stopped you from turning away from her out of embarrassment at her sweet words, and you barely had a moment to scold her before she leaned down and finally kissed you. Each of you were overcome with a sense of relief, of yearning, of adoration, yet there was one stand-out thought which you both had– there was no way you could go that long without it again. And for Alexia, well, she also knew there was never another person in the world that could make her feel the way you did with just one kiss. It broke off sooner than you wanted, simply because not one of you could stop smiling.

“Take me home now?” You said, gazing at her as she blinked at you a couple times before snapping back into the reality. You giggled, spotting the exact moment she came out of her thoughts, which were overflowing with you, and nodded.

In moments like this, it was hard to believe that you were hardly three weeks into the relationship. Yet, if this was what three weeks had in store for you, you couldn’t wait to see what a lifetime held.

There was a bit of that playful back and forth that you adored when she took your suitcase from you, arguing something to do with being a gentlewoman, and you let her. Who were you to resist her? Dumb, that’s for sure. So she wheeled your bag to her parked car, your hand grasping onto her upper arm, in a comfortable silence. With it, came quiet excitement that formed between you, only now processing the fact you were back in each other’s company and had the next few days to spend time together before training started up again. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the complete and utter domesticity that took over your apartment when you stepped foot inside again. 

Firstly, it started with Alexia heading to the kitchen whilst you went to your bedroom to drop off your bags and unpack the main things from your backpack. Unbeknownst to you, while you were out of the country, Alexia had borrowed Ingrid's key to your flat so that she could organise a few small surprises she hoped you would appreciate. And appreciate them you did.

Just as you were beginning to feel a little overwhelmed at the thought of all the chores that coming back from a vacation had to offer, the door to your room creaked open and in walked your girlfriend with a mug of your favourite hot chocolate in her hand. With a disbelieving smile on your face, you happily accepted it, placing a grateful kiss to her check as your silent way of thanking her.

And as if it couldn't get any better, with a quiet, loving murmur, the blonde persuaded you to leave your bags until tomorrow, not afraid to admit that she would much rather spend the evening in your arms than to see you add to your own stress by trying to get everything organised straight after a flight. You were glad to take her up on her advice because you walked into your lounge to a coffee table filled with surprises. A fresh bouquet of flowers, a new candle, the softest looking blanket you might have ever seen, one of Alexia's folded-up hoodies, and a small gift-wrapped box. You felt overwhelmed, but this time in the best way possible – because you felt wholly and completely loved, even if the pair of you hadn't said that specific word yet.

The only thing you could do to repay such kindness was by granting her wish of doing nothing but cuddling with you on the couch. So you did exactly that. With Alexia's hoodie on, which you realised was her favourite, you both lay down on the sofa and got comfy. Your head was on her chest, tucked perfectly under her chin, with the new blanket that exceeded your softness expectations covering you both, and the most adorable Christmas tree decoration hanging off a pine branch in the corner of the room. According to her, Alexia had chosen it whilst at the Christmas markets, seeing the beautifully crafted glass decoration and thinking of you. Though, she also went on to admit that she thought of you all of the time, hence why she had bought multiple small gifts for you whilst you were gone.

Neither of you planned to fall asleep, but it seemed that had been the case when Alexia woke up some time later, you still on top of her and sleeping. She glanced at her phone and her heart dropped when she saw the time. You hadn't spent the night together at this point of your relationship, yet here the midfielder was, still on your couch at 1am. 

Maybe it was slightly unfair of her, but she would have truthfully done anything to stay in that moment, with you completely at peace lay on top of her. So she lingered for a minute or two, one hand on the back of your head as the other slipped under her jumper and softly trailed her fingertips up and down your warm skin. She closed her eyes and rested for just a second, before letting out a slightly stifled sigh and raising her head from where she had laid back. She gazed down at you, your cheek slightly smushed against her chest and your lips parted as you let out small breaths every so often, and did her best to memorise the sight for herself.

“Cariño.” She whispered, gently nudging your shoulder to wake you up so she could leave. If it was up to her, she would just slip out quietly and not wake you, but she knew the anxieties that would most likely cause for you and that was the last thing she wanted. “Wake up, cari. Por favor.”

“Shh. Sleep.” You grumbled, burying your face further into her neck and pulling the blanket tighter around you.

“No, mi amor.” Alexia chuckled softly, which only had you groaning. “Sorry. I have to go, it's the middle of the night.”

“Just stay, Ale.” You told her. Now that, she wasn't expecting. And if you weren't toeing the line between awake and asleep, you probably wouldn't have said it either.

“S…stay?” She repeated, though got no response from you. “Wake up, wake up. Just for a minute while I go.”

You reluctantly opened your eyes then, if only to frown when you lifted your head up to look at her properly.

“Why do you want to leave?” You asked in a slightly anxious mumble, those worries that Alexia wanted to avoid appearing anyway. To quell them quickly, she cupped your cheek and leaned forward to kiss your forehead.

“Because we haven't spent the night together yet and I don't want to cross any boundaries. This is your space, I don't want to intrude and overstay my welcome.” She answered sincerely, gazing at you so softly that had you been standing, your knees would have surely buckled. 

Those three words were so close to slipping out then, but you feared it was too early and you didn't want to scare her away just as you'd gotten her back. She kept you and your needs in mind at all times- not an overbearing amount, instead in a way where she somehow always knew the moment it was necessary for her to voice her willingness to cater for them. You'd known each other for a number of months now, so she had come to know you well, but it still caught you off guard how thoughtful and caring she was. Other than Ingrid, you weren't sure you had ever come across someone outside of your family that treated you so... perfectly. So normally. It was second nature for the Spanish woman at this point, and that meant the world to you.

“Ale.” You breathed out quietly, shaking your head slightly. She frowned at your reaction, and you couldn't help the sleepy giggle that left your throat. “I would really, really love it if you stayed over. Only if you want to, though.”

Your hair was no doubt a mess from being asleep, you could feel how flushed your cheeks were, and the material of Alexia's t-shirt was probably imprinted on one side of your face. Despite this, Alexia still looked at you like you were the only person in the world.

“If you are happy with it, I would love to stay over. I couldn't think of anything better than waking up in the morning to you.” Her words had you blushing, as they often did, and in your shy embarrassment, you ducked your head down to hide the beaming smile on your face. You lifted it back up only a second or two later when you heard Alexia yawn above you, the pair of you bursting into loud, hearty laughter afterwards.

Together, even with your fingers intertwined for the very short journey, you headed to your bedroom. Alexia perched on the edge of the bed as you searched your wardrobe not only for yourself, but your girlfriend too. You turned around with a pair of shorts for you, more than happy to keep on the jumper of hers you wore, as well as a sweater and another pair of shorts for Alexia. However, she looked at you like there was something she was holding back when you went to hand over the clothes.

“I don’t… usually sleep with shorts or trousers on.” She admitted with an amusingly bright shade of pink to her cheeks. Even the tips of her ears had changed colours.

“That’s fine, Ale, you can sleep in whatever you want. Long as you’re comfy.” You told her, giggling at the small sigh of relief she let out as you put her shorts back into the drawers.

“I did not want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. Thank you for this.” She smiled up at you before standing. 

There was a miniscule moment of awkwardness where the two of you felt like teenagers at a sleepover, worrying about changing in front of each other, until Alexia turned so that her back was to you and began to unbutton and unzip her jeans. You turned too, not without a coy grin on your face, and quickly got changed, as did Alexia.

“Can I turn now?”

“Are you finished?” 

You asked at the same time, laughing together once more whilst moving to face each other again. Alexia took in the sight of you in her jumper, the small detail making her heart skip with joy around her chest, and you shook your head at the fondness she admired you with as you tried not to look at the rather substantial amount of skin on show from the woman across from you. She looked adorable, in just her underwear and a sweater with slightly tousled hair. It was such a contrast to the person you saw on the pitch, and so what if you secretly, not-so-secretly loved the fact that you were the only one in the world that saw this dimension of her multifaceted persona?

“What side do you prefer?” You wondered, gesturing to the bed behind you.

“Which side?” Alexia scrunched her nose in confusion like she did back at the airport, and still you found it just as endearing. 

“Yeah, like do you prefer being closer to the door or to the window?” 

“Oh! I do not mind, cariño, you can pick.” You let out a dramatic breath at her decision, then immediately clambered under the covers, making Alexia smile. “So you like the window?”

“I do. I like being able to look out every morning, the sunrise wakes me up.” You answered her curiosity, and it was simply another fact which she stored away. She had a number of them memorised by now, but she hoped she could learn every single one. 

“Do you, um… like to cuddle? When you sleep?” The blonde murmured a little shyly, lay on her back with her head turned to you. You had a feeling, from the sheepishness in her tone, that there was a certain answer she was hoping for. When you answered, you couldn't help the small, excited smile on your face.

“I think I do.” 

At your response, she moved onto her side, her accent thick when she quietly demanded that you roll over away from her. Once you had, you hid your face in your pillow when she shuffled up close to you, her chest to your back. Were you sure you weren’t asleep? Because when her arm slipped around your waist and hugged you tight back against her, you were convinced you were dreaming.

But, of course, you always had something to say.

“Do you sleep with socks on?” You hummed curiously into the quiet room.

“Sí..? Why?”

“That’s so strange, Ale.” You commented, goosebumps rising on your skin with the huff she let out against your neck.

“Vete a dormir, idiota.” She grumbled, though you knew she was smiling, it came through so clearly in her voice.

You woke up first the next morning. You weren’t used to sharing a bed, so you didn’t sleep too great, but waking up to Alexia snuggled close to you with her head half on your pillow and an arm wrapped around your body to ensure you didn’t move from her hold, it was so worth it. Even if she called you a worm for the rest of the day, droning on and on about how wriggly you were overnight. This time, when she teased you, you could see the smile on her face as she did so, you didn’t have to assume she had a grin like the previous night. With how the first night went, you thought about your future with a smile on your face, now knowing that mornings were so much better than ever before when you woke up to Alexia’s grumpiness and her tendency to cling onto anytime you tried to leave the bed.

—

Just because you hated your own birthday, that didn’t mean you disliked other people’s birthdays. In fact, for the people closest to you, you relished the opportunity to meticulously plan for them and show them exactly how loved they were.

“Ale, I mean it. Don’t you dare show up early.” 

February 2nd was of course your girlfriend's birthday. It was a morning training session that day, which was honestly quite lucky, and after some celebrations there with the club, you two were going your separate ways. Alexia had plans with some of her close-knit circle of friends from her hometown, whilst you were finishing up organising everything for when she came over to your place afterwards.

You had your arms crossed and eyebrows raised as you looked at her in warning where you stood at the driver's side window of her car. She had a smug grin on her face, like she wasn't listening to a thing you were saying.

“What if I just want to see you, mi amor?” She argued cheekily, but you scoffed.

“Well, I'm right here, telling you to NOT show up early.” 

“But I'm early to everything! Early is on time, on time is-”

“On time is late, late is what the hell is the point of being alive, yes I know you, Alexia.” You jabbed a finger into her chest, smiling at the toothy grin she responded with. “But this is your birthday and I have everything planned down to a T, if you're early then I'm just going to kick you out and make you sit outside in the corridor until it's the right time.”

There was a tight schedule for the day, one you were not going to break. Alexia may try her damn hardest but her determination isn't going to win out this time, because yours is stronger. 

She was going to spend the afternoon with her closest friends, the people that she knew she wouldn't be where she was now without them, whilst you had an intense few hours of cooking. Yes, hours. Cooking historically wasn't your favourite thing in the world, you were a pair that did not get along, but with a few tips and lessons from Alexia's mother, you had nearly perfected one dish that you knew Alexia would die for. Hopefully she wouldn't have to resort to such extremities as long as you keep to your timetable and she doesn't ruin that.

“Oh my god!” You suddenly exclaimed as your phone vibrated in your pocket, your alarm telling you to get home ASAP going off at that particular moment. “I need to go! You’re going to make me late!” 

Before Alexia could even blink, you had kissed her cheek and turned to head back to your car. But she wasn’t allowing that.

“Oye! Ven aquí, engel.” She sounded serious and a little strict then, you had no choice but to turn around and walk back towards her skeptically. You stood about a foot away from her door, though she beckoned you over with a wave of her hand and raised an eyebrow when you only shuffled a tiny bit. “Ven aquí.”

You rolled your eyes at her and did as she said, though your attitude didn’t stay for long when she pinched your cheeks together with one hand and leaned up to leave a lingering, firm kiss to your pouted lips that momentarily turned your brain to mush. After she pulled back, she chuckled a little menacingly at the daze she left you in, until you blinked out of whatever not so PG thoughts you’d fallen into and back to the present. 

“Don’t distract me!” You groaned, pushing her face away gently with your palm. “Have fun with your friends, I’ll see you later. At the right time, Ale!”

Fortunately for you, she did show up on ti- well, two minutes early actually, but you were running ahead of schedule thanks to the gracious extra time you gave yourself in case anything did go wrong. Some things… did go wrong, but all were salvageable, and now you had the most beautiful aroma of slow-cooked, completely homemade (apart from the actual pasta) shredded beef ragu pasta circling throughout your apartment, and if you didn’t say so yourself, it could definitely pass as a Michelin star meal.

However, out of all the outcomes you had thought of for that night, there was one that you never could have prepared yourself for.

“You reek of wine.” Was the first thing you said when you opened the door to your pink-cheeked, suspiciously happy girlfriend. You scrunched your nose up at the distinct scent coming from her, or actually it was probably just your hypersensitivity to most smells, whilst Alexia beamed at you from her place rooted in the doorway.

“Hola, guapisima.��� The blonde grinned, reaching her arms out and making toddler-esque grabby hands at you, otherwise known as asking for a hug in sober language. 

Your first thought, as you leaned in, was one of anxiety and stress, since you didn’t exactly plan to deal with a wine drunk Alexia for the first time especially with it being her birthday. But then, she hummed almost like a happy cat purring when you wrapped your arms around her, and she seemed relaxed and happy in a different way than you had seen so far. Thankfully she didn’t seem too drunk, maybe just a bit tipsy, and as you held her you giggled at the way she nuzzled her nose into the skin just below your jawline.

“You had fun then? With your friends?” You wondered as you ran a hand up and down her jumper clad back.

“Mhm.” She lifted her head up and smiled at you. You looked in her eyes, and found nothing but carefree and utter contentment swirling around there. It did something to your heart then, a feeling akin to relief and pride settling over you at how at peace she seemed to be in your company. Even if that was assisted by the alcohol in her system. “So happy to be with you now. I waited all day.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Softie.” You teased, giggling at how she tutted in disapproval at your comment and raised an eyebrow at you. “Feliz cumpleaños.”

“Tusen takk.” Alexia grinned in turn, her eyes creasing in the corners. “Ves? I am not early. I am at the right time and hungry, so let me in.”

“No.” You said just as she went to move past you. You tightened your arms around her waist so that she couldn't move, and she frowned grumpily as a result. “You're two minutes early, actually.”

“Vale.” She sighed, giving up the fight much easier than you expected, which only raised your suspicions further. “You cooked, sí? Mami said you were cooking a big meal?”

“I did, it's almo-” You were right to be wary of her behaviour, as her hands slipped down to the back of your thighs and she hoisted you up into her arms, catching you off guard. You pushed the door shut behind her before she walked away, only just managing to reach it over her shoulder as she started walking through your flat. “Ale! What are you doing?!”

Not that she made it too far before she almost sent the two of you flying down to the floor when she bumped into the set of drawers near the entryway.

“Be careful! How much did you drink?” You scolded lightly, grabbing onto the door frame that led into the kitchen to steady yourselves. 

“Hmm… does it matter?” She answered, curving the question with a smile on her face before the smell of food cooking caught her attention.

“No, you can’t be in here yet! Put me down, get out!” You panicked slightly at how the surprise would have been ruined as she went to head over to the stove, though it was instantly relieved when Alexia stopped in her tracks and lowered you back down to the floor with a grumble. “You can’t know yet, I need to serve it up. Go sit at the table and wait, please behave. No funny business.”

“I will stay here and behave and watch you.” The midfielder compromised, and with a defeated sigh, you nodded and got started with the final steps of the evening. 

“You're so weird.” You muttered, turning to glance back at her where she leaned back against the wall with her hands clasped behind her like a bored, young child when she clicked her tongue in disapproval.

“Not weird.” She grumbled, giving up on standing around and waiting, instead wandering over to stand beside you, drooling at the food you'd prepared until something caught her eye. “What is this?”

She picked up the piece of paper she saw and read through it – albeit with slightly blurred vision – and felt a wave of adoration wash over her.

“Oh, it's the… timetable I wrote for myself tonight. So I didn't forget anything.” You replied sheepishly, opting out of facing the blonde in case her and her unpredictable drunken antics decided to tease you for it.

You knew it might be a little weird to anyone else that you'd make such a detailed outline for the evening, but it was something you had always done and it hadn't failed you thus far. It was very meticulous, with timings for food and reminders of tiny things you didn't want to forget and when you could get ready for her arrival as the dinner cooked without it ruining the process. 

Though, Alexia didn't think it was weird or unusual. To her, it was just another glimpse into your mind and how it worked, and she treasured it anytime she got to see that. She was sure, when you weren't looking and didn't need it anymore, she'd slip it into her pocket and keep it as a memory. Sure it might just be a lined bit of paper ripped out of the nearest notebook with scribbled notes that only you could understand, but for Alexia it was a sentimental souvenir that represented so much more than just a nice evening together. Making sure everything went perfect and was well organised that night was one of your many ways of demonstrating your love for her and how deep it ran.

“I really appreciate you setting up this evening for us.” Alexia began quietly, resting her chin on your shoulder and wrapping an arm loosely around your waist as her hand found its place on your hip. “Mi novia bonita. You are the best.” 

“I'm sorry we aren't going out or doing anything fancy.” You mumbled insecurely, suddenly shrinking in on yourself and allowing the doubts to come in. 

Alexia might be here with a smile on her face, but would she have been happier elsewhere? An actual Michelin star restaurant with a girlfriend that could handle more than half an hour in such an environment? Dressed up to the nines and paying a bill of, at the very least, three digits rather than putting up with a haphazard home-cooked meal and a night in?

“Why you say that?” Alexia frowned, gently taking the dish you were holding as well as the ladle in your other hand and putting them both down for the time being. She put the lid back on the pot so that the food didn't cool too much, before urging you to face her with her hand moving to your shoulder. “Why, when I think this is the perfect way to spend my birthday?”

“Because other years you've had parties and nights out, you've told me all about them and the dinners you've had and stuff. This is just… nothing compared to all those. But it's all I can give you and it doesn't feel like enough. I just… I tried my best though.” 

The words come out thick and fast with little warning, revealing stresses that you'd carried on your shoulders for days since you came up with the idea for this night. You tried to disguise them, whenever Alexia asked previously you what was up you shrugged her off, but of course it was now of all moments that you spilt all you felt. 

“No. No, no, no.” Alexia said, her eyebrows pressed down into a scowl of determination, which you took as anger.

“I am sorry, Alexia, I did try my b-”

“And your best is so much more than I could wish for.” She cut you off in a firm voice, her hands on either side of your neck as her thumbs under her chin tilted your head up to face her. “It is more than enough. I see what you have done here for me and I see you. Not what you can't do. Those other things for my birthday, they were more for my family and my friends to enjoy. I liked them, but… there is a reason I didn't want to do all that this year and it's not because of you. It's because it's not what I want, but you know what I want, and I know that because you've planned this night and it is perfect for me.”

With her flushed cheeks and slightly tousled hair from… well, from what you weren't sure though it probably had the same reasonings as the red tinge to her cheeks, but it was her wide eyes that really tied off the slightly manic appearance of her. Like, if you didn't believe everything she said, she might go on a tipsy rampage against everyone that had done you so wrong it had led to your current doubtful mindset. 

Your hands were clasped in front of you, fidgeting as you processed her words which had been a little unexpected. Perhaps a drunk Alexia wasn't such a worrying thing like you thought it might be.

“A… are you sure? I mean, I d-” 

“Spending time with the woman I love? She cooks an amazing meal for me? And it is just us, nobody else?” She interrupted you again, a soft smile on her face as her thumbs carefully caressed the soft skin of your cheeks. “I love that, cariño, I really have been so excited all day. Please, never… belittle yourself over what you can't do, when everything that you are doing is more than good enough for everybody around you. Nobody loves like you do and I feel very lucky to be the one that gets all you have to give.”

Definitely not as bad as you feared.

“You…” Speechless, you trailed off and shook your head. So you leaned in and hugged her, because there was very little you could say to repay her for her thoughtfulness other than- “I love you.”

“I love you too, mi amor.” Alexia hummed into your ear, swaying you both on the spot before her temporarily depleted attention span averted back to the pasta that was calling her name. “I also love pasta so please let me eat now. Two minutes have passed, no?” 

There was a grin pressed against the skin of your neck as you lightly hit her back for her comment. That night with Alexia was just another example of how well she truly knew you, unlike anyone you'd ever met. And that pride from earlier? It returned as you say across from her at the dinner table, a rich amount of pasta dished up in front of you both, because she said you knew her too. You knew her too. 

As it turned out, your cooking skills far surpassed Alexia's expectations, nevermind your own. She may have been a tiny bit worried considering the few but memorable occasions of you trying to cook for her, so she'd have to thank her mother in a very generous way, because it might have been one of the best things she'd ever been served. When the midfielder slumped back in her chair, the button to her trousers undone after stuffing her face with a week’s worth of pasta, her eyes never steered away from you.

You weren't doing anything of note, you were simply loading the dishwasher up with the plates and cutlery and whatnot that you'd used that day. Yet, for your girlfriend, there was so much love blooming through her chest she had no idea what to do with it apart from gaze at you like you were the one who had invented football.

“Your presents are in my bedroom by the way. I, um… may have gone a bit overboard.” You admitted shyly as you went to go back to your chair, though you were stopped in your tracks when an arm curved around your waist and pulled you down to sit on Alexia’s lap.

“Your bedroom?” She said lowly, a glint in her eyes that were solely focused on your lips. You blushed, knowing exactly what was on her mind, having come to recognise the pattern in her behaviour when she wanted… something in particular. You dragged the whole thing out, knowing it only ended in one way, but where’s the fun in that?

“Mhm.” You nodded, your heart rate speeding up a tad at how she smirked afterwards.

“Vaya, qué conveniente, no?” Alexia murmured, leaning in so that your noses brushed together and your lips were millimetres apart. At her teasing, you tried to resist the bashful smile but Alexia saw it for a split second before you could repress it. “Bueno. Vamos.”

In an instant, she was up from her seat with you in her arms, one strict destination in her mind with one very likeable goal. 

“Ale, I just had a giant bowl of pasta!” 

“No me importa, mi amor.” She sang, before kicking the bedroom door shut behind you both.

—

From an outsider’s perspective, your relationship seemed just as perfect as it was in your point of view. Didn’t take a genius to recognise that; five minutes with you and Alexia, anyone could see how much you valued each other.

“-and then my mother rang Mapi, like actually called her, just to see if I was lying. They teamed up on me, snuppa, my mother and my girlfriend. Over soup.” 

“That is… you got yourself into that mess, Ingrid. I can’t comment. Can’t take sides.”

Just like it had been ten years ago, back home in Norway in a tiny hotel in Oslo, you and Ingrid were sharing a room for an away game. There had been training, dinner, and now it was downtime where everybody could choose what they wanted to do. With Alexia at the press conference and Mapi… doing whatever Mapi did, you and Ingrid settled for a relaxed night in, though the movie you’d landed on was long forgotten in the background.

“You just took a side. Unbelievable.” The dark-haired woman sighed, shaking her head in disappointment. You grinned, lay on your side on your bed as Ingrid painted her nails across from you on hers.

It was peaceful and just what you wanted it to be, some time alone with your second favourite person in your life where you could just exist in each other’s company. Unfortunately, though to nobody’s surprise, it didn’t last long.

“Buenas noches.” Alexia smiled as she walked in, somehow having acquired a keycard to your room.

“What are you doing here?” You asked in confusion, not expecting to see her for the rest of the evening since you weren’t sharing a room.

“Oh, what a lovely greeting.” She scoffed jokingly, disregarding the fact you were midway through a conversation and flopping down onto the space next to you. The blonde lay on her stomach, face turned into your back as an arm flung around your waist. And she just stayed there.

With a glance at Ingrid, who shrugged her shoulders, you rolled your eyes at your girlfriend’s antics before the pair of you slipped back into conversation like nothing had happened. Alexia piped up every now and then, but for the most part, she remained quiet and just relished in your company. 

Ingrid hadn’t seen these sides to either of you, ever.

It was something small, you and Alexia didn't even exchange a word, but there was a smile on your face as you chatted with Ingrid that the defender didn't see much until Alexia came into your life. Still, it was big enough for her to come to a realisation. Two, actually.

First, that you were happy with Alexia, which made her beam with joy for you and feel extra grateful for Alexia. The second, though, was something she had hoped would happen the minute she caught wind of the transfer rumours. You were completely, genuinely, whole-heartedly happy with your life at Barcelona. And in Barcelona too of course, but you weren't currently in the city at that moment, you were halfway across the country, so. But her point still stood.

However, no matter how much she valued your happiness, she could get to that another time. For now, she wanted-

“I want to go to sleep now.” She decided, zipping up the bag in which she kept all her nail stuff for when she travelled, looking at the two of you on the bed and noting the puzzled expression on your face.

“Then go to sleep, Ingrid, nobody is stopping you.” Alexia chuckled behind you at that, quickly leaving a kiss on the back of your neck before sitting up. 

“No, she is trying to tell me to get out.” She yawned, sharing a smile with Ingrid at your misunderstanding.

“Oh. Well, get out then. You’re not even supposed to be here.” Ingrid grinned at your reply that had Alexia frowning, not expecting you to go against her.

“You’re supposed to be on my side, cari.” She argued, nudging your knee.

“Ask Ingrid. I don’t take sides. The only side I’m on is the right side of justice.” Ingrid bursted out laughing at that and you had to stifle your own, though you did smile at the unimpressed but amused look on Alexia’s face. “Take it up with the club, those are the rules. You’re the captain. I’m sure they will be so glad to hear you can’t stay away from your girlfriend for a few hours overnight.”

The captain shook her head and stood, tugging you off the bed and wrapping you up in a hug that had a better purpose than simply saying goodnight. She slipped her own keycard into your pocket and whispered something unintelligible for Ingrid’s ears to you. Then, she left with a grin, and Ingrid scoffed as you turned back to her shyly, cheeks bright red.

“You know what, I don’t even want to know.” Ingrid said, gathering her things to take into the bathroom to start her night routine.

“It was nothing like that!” You claimed abruptly, realising where her mind had gone. You hesitated for a moment, before remembering who it was in front of you. “She was just being sweet. Saying she would miss me for the night.”

All Ingrid could do was shake her head at the pair of you and how utterly loved up you were, because with every glimpse she caught of the true nature of your connection with each other, it exceeded her hopes and expectations every single time. So, with her hands on her hips as she took the sight of you smiling with a soft shyness to your face and how you fidgeted with the keycard in your pocket, she had no qualms expressing her feelings.

“Do you know how much it means to me? To see you this happy with someone?” Was what she said, which you weren’t expecting at all. You were expecting more teasing, or for her to just tell you to be quiet so she could get ready for bed. Certainly not that.

“What do you mean?” You wondered quietly. She came to stand in front of you and put her hands on your shoulders, meeting your curious stare with a proud look in her eye.

“It just makes me happy to see that you have found someone that treats you exactly as you deserve to be treated. Who isn't afraid to ask questions, who goes above and beyond for you, who sees you for who you are. I had no idea Alexia would be that person for you but I am so glad she is. I am just… relieved and proud that this is how things have worked out for you with moving to this club. I was worried you wouldn't like it but you have really made a place for yourself. And you even got yourself a girlfriend, like, look at you go!” Ingrid beamed, shaking you a little from excitement as she spoke. 

You giggled at her because this moment was so Ingrid, but at the same time, it tugged on your heart strings. Her words put things into perspective for you about everything that had happened since you left Germany, and though there had been lows, there were so many more highs than you realised. Even still, the best was yet to come.

There wasn’t a single part of you that would ever get tired of hearing how proud and happy Ingrid was for you. You’d looked up to her since the moment you met her, she was an example to you, like a big sister. No way would you be the person you were without her. She’s one of those people you hold onto for life, and you would spend the rest of yours trying to repay her for everything she’d done for you.

The next morning, when Ingrid woke up alone in your shared hotel room, she wasn’t even surprised, nor was she the slightest bit concerned for your whereabouts. There was only one place you would be, and though you cruelly abandoned her some point during the night, the sight of you walking in with Alexia, wearing her training jersey with 11 printed on it, her arm around your shoulders as you giggled at something she said to you, was very much welcome.

—

When something wasn’t quite right with Alexia, your entire world felt off-kilt, until you got to the bottom of what was up with her. Sometimes she’d willingly come to you for some support and comfort, other times she was reluctant, and very much stuck in her own head.

Like, for example, just before the season started ramping up, she got a minor muscle injury that’d keep her out for a couple weeks. Everyone knew how it’d make her feel, but it was up to you to be there and reassure her that no, the world wasn’t ending, and yes, she could be the little spoon for that evening. 

Alexia was a bit of a doom-thinker, which not many people knew about, but it was the truth. The moment she was told some bad news, there was a frown paired with a scowl which both were so deeply imprinted on her face, if there was a gust of strong wind, she might actually, genuinely, get stuck like that. Her mind worked on overdrive, thinking and thinking and thinking until she could land on the fastest solution to whatever was wrong. When there wasn’t an immediate solution, well… you wouldn’t be surprised if her head exploded.

So, after having gone home before Alexia was done with her physio assessment, you raced back as soon as you could the second one of the Barca staff told you she was still there, on her own, watching the B-team’s training session. You had tried ringing her, though you knew her phone was most likely sitting in her bag in the locker room as she attempted to gain some peace of mind. The captain had apparently been there for quite some time, however, and you felt she’d had enough time on her own to process it before she needed the care of someone she loved.

She sat on the second-to-top row of the bleachers, hood up and cap on with her hands in her pockets, slumped back against her chair as her eyes tracked every movement of the young players in front of her. You approached her quietly and cautiously, as if trying not to spook away some sort of wild, erratic, unpredictable animal. But no, it was just your emotionally inept girlfriend- inept only when it came to football and injuries.

Even though she could definitely hear you, she gave nothing away.

“Ale? Can I sit with you, or would you like some more time on your own?” You asked gently, the blonde staying silent. “I can leave if you’d like. Just thought I’d come check on you.”

After a second or two, she shook her head and waved you over. She didn’t really know what to say, her mind was split in half and each side was fighting it out between being angry and being logical. She knew she’d be back in no time, but there were still games missed. Missed games, missed opportunities.

You took the seat beside her and tried to get a read on her face, which was entirely emotionless apart from the way she pursed her lips and the slight scowl she had that couldn’t be blamed on the sun, thanks to her hat. Without really knowing how she felt, you didn’t know what to do. Alexia had never lashed out at you to ever give you the wrong idea, but you really didn’t want to say the wrong thing and make her feel worse, or angry.

That was until, about a minute after you sat down, she shuffled a little closer in her seat to where you sat, her shoulder just slightly brushing against yours. You knew that was her silently reaching out, so you complied easily, and rested a hand on her thigh, which she immediately grasped onto with her own. 

“It is so annoying.” You heard her say some time later, her voice just a whisper which had the tiniest crack of emotion in it. “And I am annoyed that I feel annoyed.”

Her eyes were still unmoving from the pitch, but as you looked at her, you smiled sadly, and slipped your hand out of hers to wrap an arm around her shoulders. You coaxed her closer to you, glad when she leaned your head against yours. You would never wish for her to be in this position or a situation similar, but right now you knew she was okay and safe, so you relished in the fact she sought you out, like you did when the roles were reversed. It was the wrong moment to think such a thing, but you were almost relieved that she also needed you when she was going through a difficult time, like you needed her. 

“I know. Nobody expects you to just sit back, take this news, and not be angry that an injury has come when you’re so in form. And when the team needs everybody because it’s going to get hectic soon. Let yourself feel frustrated, you’re allowed to and expected to. But when we wake up tomorrow, you’re gonna come here, and you’re gonna get on with rehab because that is your mindset. You know, when you get up in the morning, these resentful feelings will have gone. You just have to feel them.” You settled on reminding her that she knows she will get past it, because it was the truth, and trying to sugarcoat anything or pretending like all was okay would have been the wrong way to go about this situation. 

Alexia was ineffably grateful. For you coming to be beside her, for your words, and just for you overall. She always found these first moments after bad news difficult, but the road ahead of her seemed so much clearer with every bit of reassurance you gave.

“And you will be with me, huh?” She turned to you with a slight smirk, an act you knew was a classic performance of fake it ‘til you make it. If she acted confident, maybe she would start to feel somewhat sure of herself again.

“And I will be with you for every second of it. Every second.” You told her with a bright smile, and the combination of that and your dedication to her also brought a smile of her own to her face. “You are the most determined person I have ever met. But it is human to have blips. It’s why I’m here; to try to make you feel better because you don’t have to go through blips alone.”

Somehow, you were saying all the right things, even if you thought you were just muddling through an internal checkbook of ‘things people say to each other during hard times.’ Seeing Alexia with a smile on her face compared to the stormy expression she wore when you arrived was a huge boost in confidence. Even more so when she turned her body towards you and ducked her head down so that she could rest her chin on your shoulder as she brought you in for a hug that comforted you just as much as it did her.

“Thank you for coming here.” She mumbled into your jacket, and you kissed her cheek afterwards. 

“Always. It is my duty to the team, no?” You couldn’t help but grin in triumph when she laughed, slightly muffled by your clothes, but she laughed nevertheless. “And as your girlfriend, I suppose.”

“You suppose.”

“Fine. It is my duty, a duty I take very seriously. A duty I’m very good at, considering I’ve got you here in my arms, laughing like you didn’t look like you wanted to watch the world burn when I arrived.”

“You are… annoying. Cocky, smug, and annoying. Stop it.”

—

You were serious when you said you’d be there every second along her rehab. As you had told her, it was a duty you took very seriously. But how serious, Alexia didn’t know in that instance at the training ground. 

One of your favourite love languages for others was gift giving, you were sort of known as the best present-buyer with everyone you know, because that was also another thing you did not joke about. Though, it was your spontaneity with such a habit that you knew people appreciated most. And who else would be at the top of that long list of people, other than your girlfriend. 

Even if you did accidentally almost send her to hospital as you walked into her apartment out of the blue as she sat at her dining table with her headphones on. 

Since she was out of playing action and feeling a little useless with what she could give to the team, she basically took it upon herself to take notes of the matches and training sessions that she’d missed whilst she was gone so that she could send them to the team and hope they got good use out of it. That meant her attention was entirely on her laptop and notepad when you walked in, a small gift bag in your hand and a nervous look on your face, which she missed of course.

It wasn’t until you were stood beside her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder that she jumped out of her skin and slammed her headphones down on the table so hard out of fear, you worried she’d broken them. Then, she exhaled deeply, hand on her heart as she worked to slow it down once she noticed it was you. Unfortunately for her, you had no control over the laughter that bubbled out of you at her dramatic reaction, to which she groaned and pulled you closer with an arm around your waist, hiding her face in your stomach out of embarrassment. 

At that point, you noticed something very convenient for the gift you had bought her. Her hair was tied up into a messy bun, making your life so much easier.

“Close your eyes, Ale. I have something for you, you’re not allowed to see it.” 

“Why get me something if I cannot see what it is?” She argued, putting on that frustratingly endearing faux innocent expression she often put on when trying to fight her case over something small and light-hearted like this.

“Just be quiet and do what I say.” You told her, attempting to be stern but it was entirely futile when she gazed up at you like that, and before you’d even finished your sentence, there was a smile on your face. 

Despite how she rolled her eyes teasingly, she closed her eyes and sat still, waiting for whatever you had in store for her. As she sat there, she could hear you reaching into the bag she spotted and taking something out of it, but other than that, she was none the wiser to what her surprise was. Her eyebrows shot up when she felt you lay something delicate around her neck.

“Engel, what have you done?” She enquired, her eyes still shut as she fought the urge to open them prematurely.

You stayed silent, making sure the present was secure, before tapping her shoulder to indicate you were done and stepping back shyly. The second she opened her eyes, she fixed you with a knowing, accusatory glare, before standing and heading over to the mirror, where her face lit up at what she saw.

A dainty gold chain sat perfectly across her neckline, a simple piece of jewellery that immediately jumped up to the top of her favourites. There wasn’t anything outrightly extravagant about it, it was discreet and meant to be worn with daily casual clothes, but Alexia wondered how she’d gone without it for so long, because it was truly perfect. She couldn’t find a better word to describe it. Maybe priceless, because the sentiment behind it was even more beautiful to her than the appearance of it. 

You had gone out with some friends having woken up without Alexia beside you that morning with no plans to see each other that day. Yet, there you were, showing up out of the blue with a surprise that she treasured after having it in her possession for no more than a minute. It was supposed to be an entirely inconspicuous day for the pair of you, but that flew out the window when you decided to get her a gift that could probably never be topped.

Alexia never really found herself as someone that people randomly bought gifts for. Sure, her mother and her sister might spot something and get it for her, but other than that, everyone assumed she had everything she could ever need, what with her wages and her sponsors and bonuses for all the thirty titles she’d won. She never would have known that a necklace could evoke such a whirlwind of emotion throughout her. It stuck in her mind, on repeat, over and over; you went out shopping with friends, without Alexia even jokingly asking for a present, and had seen something which made you think of her. And you even went so far as to buy it for her, and then surprise her at her own apartment with no warning. 

“It’s just something small, I know it’s not all that special, but I saw it and thought of you and deci-” 

The blonde had a habit of cutting you off when you rambled insecurely, though it wasn’t something you had a particular distaste for. Every time she did so, she stopped you in your tracks and did something that pulled each anxiety from your mind until you forgot what you were even worrying about. Whether that be by talking, or drawing you in for a hug, or offering a distraction, or in this case, indulging in the overwhelming amount of love she felt by kissing the life out of you.

Though, for her, that still wasn’t enough of an expression of her feelings, so just as you caught up with her she pulled away. Her arms were around your waist in an instant, and she lifted you up off the ground and spun you both around, like movie stars in the rain. However, thankfully you were both warm and majoritively dry in the comfort of Alexia’s apartment- majoritively dry, because there were… tears on your neck?

“Are you crying?” You asked in disbelief, surprised that she’d have such a reaction to just a necklace.

“Yes. Yes I am.” Alexia answered with a laugh, using one of her hands to hastily brush away the endless tears that fell. “I am crying because you bought me a necklace. For no reason, you bought me a necklace, and I really l-love that. It means a lot to m-me, amor.” 

Her reaction almost had you crying too; she was adorable, and you hugged her tighter because it felt like that was all you could do. Every day with her, she showed a new side to who she was away from Alexia Putellas, the merciless footballer that was no match for anyone. This version, this emotional, choked up version of her was so heart-warming, part of you wished the world could see it, whilst the rest of you relished in the fact you were the only person to see it. Only you could make her cry over a necklace, and as weird as that was, it was your badge of honour you’d wear with pride. 

Perhaps your bank account wouldn’t agree, but you’d buy her a dainty gold chain everyday of the year if it meant she felt at least half as loved as she made you feel.

—

Somewhere along the way since you first fell in love with Alexia, Barcelona officially became… home. 

Germany was never home, you always knew you’d move away at some point. You liked the city you were in, you thought you loved it at the time, but… Barcelona introduced to you what love actually was, and it was Alexia. 

You didn’t know what life had waiting for you years down the line, and if you thought about that and its unknowns for too long, you would send yourself into an anxious tizzy that was entirely unnecessary. For now, you were the happiest you’d ever been, and it just so happened that you were in Barcelona when that happened. The city was dreamy, though so was the woman you were in love with. So were your friends. Everything about your life was the best it’d ever been.

That, unsurprisingly to you, opened up a world of daydreams and scenarios to think about. The first on your agenda, which was a terrifying one if it didn’t go your way: would Alexia ever want to live with you?

“Ale? Can we talk about something?” You said out of the blue as the pair of you walked along a beach in Madeira, hand in hand as the waves lapped calmly over your feet and the sun and the sky flaunted its beauty with shades of purples, pinks, and oranges, painting the perfect, serene background to a conversation sure to bring some anxiety. 

“Of course. Anything. Do you want to sit down and talk?” Alexia suggested, taking you both a little higher up the sand after you nodded. She took a seat first, before looking up at you with a welcoming smile as you paused for a moment, then sat down.

It was probably ridiculous and childish that you thought so, but you hated how the dynamic of any kind of relationship could change with one conversation. With what you were about to say, you felt sick at the possible outcomes. You knew what you were about to say, whilst Alexia was blissfully unaware of the storm you were about to kick up. The words were on the tip of your tongue as you looked at her, and your mouth opened and closed for a few moments as you built up the courage to speak them. Eventually, you did, and Alexia waited patiently throughout your internal warfare.

“Would you… ever want to, maybe, live together? One day?”

For a few brief moments (the worst of your life), Alexia didn’t respond. In that short time, your anxiety reached whole new heights, convincing you that the next words out of Alexia’s mouth would be her breaking up with you. They weren’t, of course they weren’t.

“I would love to. I really would.” She admitted coyly, smiling and shaking her head at the utter look of shock on your face. “I have been thinking about this for some time, I just didn’t know how to bring it up. So, please, tell me what you think.”

“What I think?” Alexia nodded, a comforting hand landing on your knee. “Well… I don’t know how we would do it.”

“What do you mean? We just decide whose apartment to move to and do that, no?” 

It wasn’t that simple, unfortunately. This was something you did indeed have a lot of thoughts on, and maybe it’d be those that would finally scare her off. 

Alexia was amazing at understanding, but she wasn’t perfect. Nobody could blame her for not being clued in on something like this, especially since it was the first time you were talking about it together.

“I… that wouldn’t work. Not for me anyway.” You started, a little disheartened by the frown that formed on her face. Still, you explained yourself. “If I moved into your apartment, it wouldn’t feel like my home. I love your apartment, I do, but it’s your apartment and always has been. If you moved into my apartment, that would mean that… it’s not my space anymore. Which makes no sense at all because it obviously would be, but… I don’t know how to explain it best. It’s…”

You trailed off, frustrated at how you couldn’t properly articulate yourself in such a delicate situation. But, now that she was clued in, Alexia understood exactly what you meant. 

Your apartment was your dedicated space; having someone move in, no matter who it was, would feel like having an intruder there at all times. Everything would be different in your mind, even if the only physical difference was Alexia, your girlfriend. It’d take you months, or probably even years, to get used to it. And you know you couldn’t live like that, even if you so desperately wanted to. 

Living with Alexia in her apartment would be even worse. You know her apartment as a visitor, but not as a resident. If you lived there, it would constantly feel like you were in someone else’s home and not your own. These two things, though they may be the easiest options theoretically, would cause all kinds of hell for you and probably reverse all the progress you’d made since moving to Spain. It would put strain on everything, from your relationships, to the football you played, to your mental health, everything. It just wasn’t a feasible or healthy option.

“I understand that, mi amor. I understand all that you said.” Alexia tried to reassure you, but you could see the sadness in her eyes that she tried to disguise. She was upset by this new revelation, and that wrecked you. “Please don’t feel guilty about it though. I am not mad or anything.”

You nodded and avoided her eyes, focussing your attention on the ocean in front of you and crossing your arms, like you were protecting yourself. You pulled away from your girlfriend to get away from the inevitable pain of her pulling away instead. Alexia realised that and had to suppress a sigh, not one of annoyance or along those lines, but out of concern, because she could see that turmoil this conversation had caused you. 

She decided to give you a couple minutes to think on your own, wondering if that’s what you’d need to process all that had just occurred. She was right to do that, because you did something rare. Rather than dwelling on the negative outcomes of what just happened, you tried your best to make something good out of it.

Because, in the end, relationships were all about compromise.

“Maybe, next year or next season or whatever, we…” You paused to take a breath, then addressed Alexia directly. She met you with a curious and open gaze, wordlessly encouraging you to get whatever it was off your chest. “We revisit this conversation, and… look at houses together?”

A new, shared space would work. A blank canvas for you both to work together on, to figure out together, to make a house into a home, together.

Alexia’s wide, bright smile was worth more than anything else in the world. One second, she was sat beside you, and the next, she had lunged forward to tackle you to the soft gold ground beneath you, putting her weight on you as she leaned down to shower you with the surge of adoration she felt. She peppered kisses all over your face and down to your neck, eliciting a surprised giggle out of you that was priceless to her. 

Your future, your shared future with the woman that lay on top of you, was in sight and near enough solidified. In a few years, you might not be a Barcelona player, football might take you down a completely different road, but the one you were on now, where you had plans to buy a house with Alexia, was enough for now, enough to settle the anxiety you always got when you thought about the future, because things were pretty good at that moment.

And to tie off an all-round very successful conversation, Alexia said something that summarised your whole relationship in only a single sentence. 

“Whatever you want to do, we will do, because seeing you happy makes me happy also.” 

—

depending on the reaction to this, i have no idea when or if there will be another story after this one. very anxious to post for reverie after all that happened because people have not so fun opinions about this overall topic that can and will wreck me which is pretty scary so :)

[hcneymooners]

⋆ beg until i'm in.

ambessa x wife!reader. men and minors dni.

synopsis: you and ambessa are estranged wives, but are you really estranged if she refuses to divorce you, and every time you see each other, you can't help but fall into bed?

cw: light angst, emotional hurt/comfort, getting back together, top ambessa medarda, dom/sub, dom ambessa medarda, she has soft spot for you, pleasure dom ambessaaaaa, just for you though, strapping, rough sex, rough body play, hair-pulling, name-calling, pet names, lesbian sex, dildos, vaginal sex, cunnilingus, overstimulation, she is strapping you down, you will not be walking, cock worship, blow jobs, the strap is the cock in question no men i swear to god, mommy kink, praise kink, mating press, age difference, older woman/younger woman, marriage, she does not play about you, realizing this might have slight primal play, orgasm edging, begging, spanking, impact play notes: i am a FREAK about this woman. also i wrote this for @sheloveschai because she has been bringing me joy through their work and i want to do the same.

“she thinks i’m a monster.”

the words hung in the air, dense as the afternoon heat, heavy as ambessa’s head in your lap. how you’d ended up here—her armor gone, her weight so familiar—felt like one of those moments you’d look back on, trying to pin down the thread that led you here. you couldn’t.

your lives were separate. estranged wives, that’s what you told yourself. she wouldn’t divorce you, and you weren’t exactly rushing to draw up the papers. but estrangement was such a tidy, convenient word like the absence between you both was clean and intentional. it wasn’t. she blurred the edges every time she showed up unannounced, stepping into the space she left behind like it still belonged to her. and maybe it did.

she came today, her arrival marked by the low hum of her car pulling up the dirt road. the ranch was still, caught in that honeyed pause between afternoon and evening. the house she’d bought for you sat perched on its patch of green, neat but unpretentious—a porch for watching storms, white siding that seemed to glow in the late sun. the kind of place that felt like it had existed long before you arrived, waiting for someone to live in it properly. around it, the land stretched wide, unbroken except for the fences hemming in the garden you’d built with your own hands.

you were out there, barefoot and stubborn, locked in a battle with the soil. a carrot clung to the earth like it had something to prove, your hair slipping from its tie as you yanked at it, dirt smudged across your face from an earlier showdown with a deer that had dared to challenge your lettuce. the dress you wore—white, soft, and loose—shifted around you like a second skin, its ruffled straps falling to kiss your shoulders. it was stained at the hem, caught on brambles, but it moved with you, romantic in its simplicity, something that could’ve been borrowed from another life.

ambessa watched from the car. you didn’t notice her at first, too busy flailing after some audacious bit of wildlife, but she noticed you. her eyes followed the sway of your dress, the way the sun painted gold onto your skin, how your body moved with a kind of rawness that had always undone her. she waited because ambessa always waited. but there was a tension to it, like watching something she didn’t want to admit she needed.

hours later, she was here, sprawled in your lap like it was the most natural thing in the world. her hand rested against the fabric of your dress, her breathing slow but uneven. you stroked her hair without thinking, staring out at the horizon. the horses were grazing, lazy against the emerald sprawl. the ranch, her gift, felt heavier than it had in a while.

“at one point in time,” you said finally, the words tasting of truth, “every daughter views her mother as her monster.”

her hand stilled. you could feel her thoughts shifting, coiling like a tide just out of reach. she didn’t say anything, but the silence was loud, charged. you didn’t press her.

“you were always so hard on yourself,” you continued, your voice quiet but steady. “you can be… strong, stubborn, cruel. i’ve felt it. i know it. so much of your decision-making is absolute like the world is this black-and-white chessboard you’re determined to win on. there’s no room for anyone else in that kind of thinking. it can be stifling. but—” you hesitated, fingers idly brushing the hem of your dress as you tried to hold her gaze.

“love is always the basis when it comes to the people you care about: mel, kino—”

“you,” she interjected softly, her voice barely audible but so certain it almost startled you.

you hummed in agreement, the corners of your mouth tugging into an easy smile.

“me,” you admitted, your chest tightening at the confession. you sighed, the sound carrying years of ache. “your problem is that you don’t believe we can love you back. not really. you think we can’t be safe with you. so you send us away, like that’s protecting us. you decide things for us—these big, sweeping decisions—and suddenly we’re standing outside looking in, strangers in our own lives with you.”

you paused, thinking of her daughter. “mel’s a teenager. she’s going to buck against you because that’s what teenagers do. you have to let her. you can’t control everything, ambessa. we don’t learn any other way.”

ambessa watched you, her face unreadable but her eyes dark and intent. her voice was indescribably tender when she spoke.

“you’re such a wonderful stepmother.”

the word made you scoff. you pushed her—gently but firmly—off your lap and rose to your feet. she let you, though her eyes lingered on you. she could never let go entirely.

“don’t let her hear you say that,” you muttered, shaking your head.

mel had not taken your marriage to her mother well. and really, who could blame her? you were more than half ambessa’s age. you’d once been mel’s peer at university, brushing shoulders in the same circles without a clue that your lives would one day intertwine like this. to make matters worse, mel hadn’t even learned of the relationship from her mother or you. no, she’d found out by walking in on the two of you in a position that still made your cheeks burn to think about.

what followed was relentless: the icy distance, the sharp words, the careful avoidance. love, for you, had always been hard, but this was a different kind of difficulty. you’d tried to explain yourself to mel, fumbling for words that didn’t sound hollow. you told her you loved her mother simply because you did. it wasn’t about their wealth or their influence. you’d come from nothing—a small town with a crumbling church, miles of barren land, and a quiet resignation to a life of struggle. you were used to living hard and mean, to fending for yourself.

but ambessa… she had swept into your life with the force of a storm. she needled at you, chipped away at your shell until you were belly-up and tender, soft between her teeth. you were an easy kill in her hunt, and she was ruthless, selfish, and she could be so fucking mean. but none of that mattered.

you loved her with the kind of blind devotion that defied reason, and you couldn’t imagine doing anything else. being her wife was your greatest pride, and tending to her was your guiltiest pleasure.

mel couldn’t understand that, and the rift between you grew wider with each passing day. then came the public’s growing animosity toward the medarda family, the rising tensions, and ambessa made one of her absolute decisions. the separation blindsided you. you’d cried so hard you blacked out in the hall, and when you woke, you left without looking back. you thought mel wouldn’t care.

which is why you were shocked when ambessa brought you mel’s request for your perspective.

you turned toward the stove, busying yourself with the rhythm of dinner prep. it was easier to focus on the small, manageable things—chopping vegetables, lighting the flame—than to meet her gaze.

“she doesn’t hate you, [name],” ambessa said suddenly, her voice calm but insistent.

you froze, the knife hovering mid-air before you carefully set it down and turned on the stove.

“you staying for dinner?” you asked carefully.

you heard her shift behind you, felt the warmth of her body as she closed the space between you. her arms circled your waist, firm but gentle, and you shivered, instinctively leaning into her. god knows you were never the strongest soldier. she pressed a kiss to your temple, her lips lingering just long enough to make you melt.

“i admit,” she murmured, her voice low and quiet, “i had other motives for coming here.”

“bessa,” you began.

ambessa held you tighter, her lips brushing against your temple, the warmth of her breath sending shivers down your spine. her silence stretched just long enough for you to grow uneasy, but then she spoke, her voice low and thick with emotion.

“they’ve been asking for you,” she said, her hands smoothing over your waist.

you stiffened slightly, unsure if you’d heard her correctly.

“who?”

“mel. kino.” she pressed another kiss to your temple, then let her forehead rest against the side of your head. “they’ve been pleading with me to bring you back. they won’t admit it outright—god forbid they ever say they were wrong—”

you shot her a look.

“—but they’ve missed you. and they hate the way i’ve been without you. they say i’m different when you’re there.”

your breath hitched, your chest tightening with a mix of disbelief and something dangerously close to hope.

“they don’t even like me,” you murmured, your voice cracking.

“that’s not true.” ambessa’s tone softened, her grip on you tightening like she was afraid you might slip away. “they’re too proud to say it, but they’ve developed a soft spot for you despite everything. they miss you as much as i do.”

you turned your head slightly, just enough to catch the edge of her expression—open, raw, and devastatingly honest. by instinct, you lifted a hand and cradled her face. you hated it when she was sad.

“oh, bessa.”

“i’ve realized,” she continued, her voice dropping to a near whisper, “that i am nothing without you. i thought i was protecting you by letting you go, but i was wrong. i’m tired, my love. tired of waking up alone. tired of pretending i don’t need you. i do. god, i do.”

you felt a weight lift from the depths of your body. you’d waited so long to hear this—to feel wanted, needed, like you weren’t just a fleeting chapter in her life. tears welled up, and before you could stop them, they spilled over, hot and fat.

ambessa turned you in her arms, her hands coming up to cup your face as you began to cry in earnest.

“oh, sweetheart,” she murmured, her thumbs brushing away your tears. “don’t cry. please don’t cry.”

“i don’t want to do this anymore,” you choked out between sobs, clutching at her arms like she was the only thing keeping you upright. you pressed down on the thick cords of muscle, pleading with the strength of your grip. “i don’t want the house or any of this shit. i’m so tired of taking care of myself, ambessa. i just want to come home.”

her expression crumpled, and for a moment, you saw a vulnerability in her that she rarely let show.

“i’m sorry,” she said, her voice tight. “i’m so sorry, my love. i never should have let you go. i’ll make it right—i swear to you. i’ll spoil you, take care of you, and keep you forever. you’re mine, [name], and i’ll never let you forget it again.”

you sobbed harder, your face burying into her chest as her arms enveloped you completely.

“i know, baby. you did so well. i’m so proud of you,” she murmured.

she continued to whisper soft reassurances, mantras of “sweetheart,” “my sweet girl,” and “my sweet baby,” until the tears slowed and your breathing evened out. you shuddered against her, refusing to remove yourself from where you were pressed tightly against her chest. she shifted, and you jolted—fingers splaying desperately across her body.

“shh. i’m just making us more comfortable,” she told you.

the two of you moved, a single weeping entity across the floor of the kitchen into the living room. ambessa settled you on the couch, continuing to trace a hand across the landscape of your back.

“come back with me,” she murmured, her lips brushing against your hair. “let me take care of you. let me love you the way you deserve, hmm?”

you nodded against her, your hands clutching at the fabric of her shirt like a lifeline.

“that's all i want. i never stopped loving you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

“i know,” she said, tilting your face up to hers.

the kiss she gave you was desperate and all-consuming, a culmination of every time you had woken and found yourself alone. her hands roamed over your hips and your waist, pulling you closer as if the space between you was unbearable. you gasped into her mouth, and she deepened the kiss.

“i’ve missed you,” she murmured against your lips, her voice low, rough with hunger. “did you miss me?”

you shivered, your body instinctively pressing into hers.

“yes. yes, i did. i swear, bessa,” you insisted, your voice trembling.

“shh, my love,” she said, her lips trailing down your jaw to your neck to soothe you. “i believe you. a sweet girl like you wouldn’t lie to me.”

with a groan, she lifted you, guiding you toward the bedroom, her hands never straying from your body, her kisses growing more frantic. when your back hit the bed, she hovered over you, her gaze dark, possessive. a hand came down to cup your cunt, firm and promising.

“yes or no?” she asked.

she only asked out of respect. ambessa had long ago perfected the art of taking what she wanted. you found you didn’t mind. it was easier this way, surrendering to her because she knew your body—your needs—better than you ever could. in her hands, the pressure of choice vanished. you trusted her to always know what was best.

suddenly, you were reminded of when she proposed. you felt the same now as you had then—wide-eyed, carnivorous. gently, you pulled her closer, brushing your lips against hers. the room smelled of apple blossoms and her intoxicating scent.

“yes,” you whispered, your voice barely a breath.

satisfied, she lowered her mouth back to your neck. at that moment, you could have mistaken her for a vampire—hunting for your pulse, for that line of forever-promised blood.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

“ambessa.”

“hmm?” she answered, her hand tightening where it reigned on the nape of your neck.

she had you face down with your ass up, her other hand holding you at the small of your back as she thrust into you. you let out a high moan as she began to move faster, her cock moving deeper as you bore down on her.

“you feel so fucking good, sweetheart. so tight and sweet for me. it’s almost as if you haven’t been touched in a long while.”

“bessa—” you choked out, and she let out a laugh.

“oh, baby. i know that’s not true.” bending forward to brace herself on the bed, she began to pump into you. “you were always so hungry for it, so eager. i know you’ve probably stuffed yourself every single night since i’ve been gone.”

you whimpered, drool beginning to spill from your lips.

“but it didn’t feel like this, did it?”

“no,” you answered, squealing as ambessa brought a hand down on your ass. “no, baby. i can’t take care of myself like you do.”

“no,” she agreed. “you can’t. you just get so stupid when you’re fucked. you have no chance of doing this alone. not well, at least.”

“bessa, please,” you mewled.

with a bored sigh, she tightened her grip around your band of hair and yanked your head back, pounding into you with predatorial precision. you moaned as she began to focus on your g-spot, pulling your head back roughly to further increase her control.

“shit, bessa. fuuuuuck.”

“yeah?”

all thoughts were being fucked out of your head. you managed to get a hand on your clit, rubbing furiously to add stimulation.

“uh, uh, uh. oh, fuck. holy shit. ambessa, fuck. please, baby. please don’t stop.”

for a moment, she paused, and you remembered how cruel she could be. tenderly, she turned you over on your back and slid back in, placing your hands on the back of your thighs so that you were holding yourself open. with a grunt, she sunk deep until her hips were once again clapping against your ass.

a strong hand came down, fingers hooking into your mouth and tugging till she could see your teeth. you felt like an animal.

“stop fucking talking,” she told you, and you nodded, spit slicking all over your mouth and her fingers. “good girl.”

the praise settled on you, and you moaned weakly. her next thrust hit you like a line of coke. she was pressing into you, working for something. you weren’t sure what, but you could feel the way she was aiming to break you in.

“come on,” she murmured, retracting her fingers to grope roughly at your tits. “say it.”

your brow furrowed, and she came to a slow, gradual stop. sliding out, ambessa crawled onto the bed and placed a hand on your chest. you watched her, eyes large and glittering with tears. her breasts hung heavy over you, ripe and full with age. you wanted to suck and bite her nipples till she was shaking on the bridge of your nose, pussy-deep into your throat.

carefully, she slipped the holster from her hips and removed the girthy dildo from where it sat, slick with your heat and arousal.

“maybe this will jog your memory,” she said, and you didn’t have a moment to think before her cock was in your mouth.

you choked loudly, but she paid you no mind. with a few circular motions of her wrist, she made you deepthroat every inch, her eyes darkening as you audibly gagged and sucked on it. you ran your tongue over the artificial veins, getting it as wet as possible.

you were tasting yourself, strawberry sweet with a hint of bitterness and slight musk. you could feel your cunt pulsing, fluttering as ambessa’s eyes grew darker. she prohibited you from letting your legs down, and your thighs were burning, sweat garnishing your skin with a light sheen.

you felt so exposed, so debased like this: holding yourself wide and open while gagging like a well-trained whore on the toy.

“remember now?” she asked, and you breathed hard through your nose.

you were trying, bless you, to remember, and she dropped a kiss on your cunt for the effort.

“look at this pussy, sweetheart. fuck, baby.” ambessa lifted from where she’d been dragging her free hand through your folds. her fingers were soaked. “you’re rinsing me.”

something about her tone jogged your memory, and suddenly, you knew what she wanted to hear. in your excitement, you whined, and she met your gaze. she considered you and then removed her cock from your mouth.

“mommy,” you breathed, and she smiled, her face warm and rivaling the sun.

“that’s it,” she said, pride drenching the words. “good job, sweet girl. you deserve a reward.”

you beamed and wiggled your pussy in silent demand. ambessa laughed at your eagerness, bending to kiss you. her lips trailed lower till she was mouthing over the sopping mound of your count. around and around, her tongue wet, her teeth softly grazing your clit. you snapped upward, letting go of your legs and clutching at her braids instead.

“goddamnit, ambessa! fuck!”

she continued to eat you out, shaking her head and sucking loudly. still, she found time to pinch the inside of your thigh in reprimand.

“that’s not my name, sweet girl. i won’t tell you again.”

“fuck. fuck, i’m sorry. i’m sorry, mommy. just—please.” your voice cleaved in the middle. “please, i need to cum. i want to cum so bad for you, mommy. let me. please just let me—”

with a wet pop, ambessa broke away from your swollen pussy and looked at you. you breathed heavily, eyes caught on the way she gazed at you from between your legs.

“nothing is stopping you, my love. do what pleases you.”

she lowered down again and spat right into your cunt. you let your head fall back.

“i told you,” she said. “i plan to spoil you. this will only be your first.”

and with that, she suctioned her mouth around your rosy pussy and sucked, pointing her tongue and slipping inside of you. you came with a high wail, legs clamping around her head as you bowed over her. you felt light-headed, slit open, and destroyed.

and true to her nature, ambessa never stopped.

© hcneymooners.

[in-mutual-weirdness]

@antiterfbutch , sorry people are being weird about your commentary, but you did really hit the nail on the head here re: the problem isn't minors having relationships with adults, the problem is an adult treating children like peers

My first foray into internet communities was an IRC channel for a game I was into as a high schooler. I was the second youngest person there - most everyone else was in their 20s or 30s. These people helped raise me in the "village of adults" kind of way. They were kind older presences in my life who bonded with me over our shared interest. They were willing to listen to what I had to say and lent me their experience and support when I needed it. I remember a particular incident when a post from a white supremacist on tumblr hit me where it fucking hurt, and I went to the community in tears. People were kind, and the channel admin took it upon himself to DM me cat pictures until I felt better.

Being around people like this helped me see a window into what adulthood could look like. They taught me how to interact in mixed age spaces, and being friends with some of them led to me meeting trans adults for the first time, in a way that directly aided my own gender realization and coming out years later. My experiences with them enriched my life, and greatly inform the way I speak to young people in my online and offline communities today. And this is precisely the kind of boundary I maintain with those young people. I take a mentor-esque role, offering advice and perspective, comfort and reassurance. I talk about my life to show them what adulthood can look like, and show them that queer and trans happiness is possible. I show interest in the things they're passionate about, and want them to do well and figure out good lives for themselves. I want to watch them become capable and fully realized people.

But most importantly, I do not seek support from them. The spaces which have a predominantly younger userbase, I don't talk about my life problems there. I don't vent there, I don't process shit there, and I don't take my interpersonal problems there. Those are for communities where the userbase is mostly adults like me. I especially don't talk to them about sex - that is for adults. There are kink and nsfw discussion spaces where I'm around college undergrads - while I'm clear to discuss sex around them because theyre 18+, I mostly talk about it from a sex ed perspective. In this way, we can be in this space and discuss our mutual interests on the topic while respecting their maturity and autonomy. But I am not treating them as peers whom I can flirt with as prospective partners. The way I talk about sex as a personal experience is different in spaces with different age ranges.

It is essential to be able to share space with each other because our communities are always going to be mixed-ages outside of rare self-selecting circumstances. The village of unaffiliated adults who supported me as a kid needs to also be there for other kids who're growing up and figuring things out. Everyone leads stronger and richer lives through healthy intergenerational community ties.

Saw a tiktok of a guy saying he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to minors because he’s 19. And it’s just. I’m so fucking tired of this.

And like to be clear, I’m speaking as a victim of pedophilia when I say: We need to get over this collective fear of endangering children. Because holy shit, this stuff is getting out of hand.

The average person is not a threat to a child.

And also!!! It is actually really really good for kids to have friendships with adults that aren’t their family.

Having friendships with adults when you’re younger prepares you for adult life in a better way then only interacting with adults that are family members or teacher as well.

And also if there’s any sort of weird behavior happening with adults or teachers, it’s very helpful to have unrelated adults, you can go to, and also have a model for what normal adults are supposed to look like.

And also! You’re just making it way easier for pedophiles to prey on children when you completely avoid interacting with them as an adult. Because kids are naturally inquisitive and curious. They are going to want to interact with adults and they are going to want to ask questions. And if the only adult adults that are willing to interact and speak with them or adults who have ulterior motivations. Guess what’s gonna happen.

Also on a more general note. Having a model for what a normal healthy adult is supposed to look like makes it way easier for kids to be able to recognize and identify when adults in their personal life are being weird.

[wordsinhaled]

People call Charles Edwin’s guard dog and Edwin thinks it’s going to offend him, getting more up in arms about it than Charles ever does. But it doesn’t seem to bother Charles at all. And Edwin doesn’t understand, not at first, not until Charles tells him, “So what if they think I’ll bite if they lay a finger on you? Not exactly wrong, are they?”

Suddenly, it makes sense. Why Charles takes the comments in stride. Why he seems to take pride in the suggestion.

Charles feels like Edwin should have someone who is willing to do all that for him, go that far for him—and of course that someone’ll be Charles himself. Edwin reflects that he’d never had that sort of fervent devotion from anyone, certainly not when he was alive, and no one has come close since but Charles. He reflects on how good it feels to be fundamentally seen, valued in such a way.

Still, Edwin worries—does Charles know that Edwin is just as dedicated to keeping him safe, his heart and his spectral body and his soul? That Charles is the most precious gift Edwin never dreamt to be given, and—

Does Charles know that, every day? That he’s more than his teeth? That he’s more than everything Edwin could want? That he’s sweetness and light?

It’s Charles’ loving touch that Edwin yearns for and craves, when he’s laughing harder than he ever has, in the middle of the night when the rest of the world is asleep and it’s just him and Charles in the warmly-lit office, tipping against each other on the tiny sofa that never feels cramped when it’s keeping the two of them near. The actual joke goes forgotten in the self-replenishing haze of their giggles, their shoulders knocking together, Charles’ ankle hooked around Edwin’s.

Edwin’s hand lands on Charles’ jaw, barely-there fingertips turning Charles’ head, easy, so easy, to look at him. To catch Charles’ gaze, deep and shining and—they’re so close to each other, a bit heady with leftover mirth, and Edwin will never forget that it’s Charles who moves first to press his smiling lips to Edwin’s, simple as ever, like it’s the next line in their conversation.

It knocks the breath straight out of Edwin: the breath he hasn’t needed in three-odd decades. But it’s all right because Charles’ mouth is opening against his, so right and inviting, and Charles is gasping too like he’s in the same dizzy predicament, and Edwin never wants it to end.

“Charles,” he says, “Charles, my darling, are you…?”

Charles’ eyes are dark as ink when he pulls back, only far enough to nudge his nose against Edwin’s cheek.

“Yeah,” he says, smile flashing bright like a slice of the moon. He closes his eyes, a flutter of lashes Edwin can feel against his own cheekbone, followed by the soft drag of a kiss. Then another. “Should’ve seen it, really,” Charles goes on, in between still more kisses, words said into Edwin’s skin. “‘Cause you’re it for me, Edwin, aren’t you, love? I just didn’t see. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when you first—”

“Never mind,” Edwin says, “tell me now,” and then they’re kissing once more. The testing scrape of Charles’ teeth over Edwin’s lower lip, the nibble on his upper, is tentative, too tentative, and Edwin ought to have known, he ought to have suspected… but still he doesn’t, doesn’t expect the keening, tremulous moan that tumbles out of him at the promise of it all.

Charles chuckles, the sound settling in Edwin’s belly, making a home in his chest. “You like that?” he asks. Awed. Still hesitant. The laughter from earlier still layered in Charles’ voice, along with a new sort of hoarseness, a new sort of rasp Edwin could listen to forever. “Don’t wanna put you off, do I, love…”

“I will hardly be put off, Charles. In fact, I—” Edwin swallows, convulsive and wanting, sees Charles’ focus drop to his throat, find the soft underside of his jaw as he tips his chin up. “I would not have you hold back with me. Set your hands where you wish. Your mouth—where you wish. Your…” It is his turn to close his eyes.

“My teeth,” Charles finishes for him softly. “Wherever I…?”

“Yes,” Edwin says. “Yes.”

[trentsgirl]

pairing: jude bellingham x girlfriend!reader

synopsis: you’re a bit crazy when your boyfriend pisses you off.

notes: suuuper short, just something i came up with in like five minutes. srry for not updating, life is crazyy

playing: it’s okay, i’m okay by tate mcrae

masterlist.

“and then she goes, in the absolute nastiest tone, ‘well, you had plenty of time to do it,’ and i’m just sitting there like, what? you see what i mean? she’s so self-centered, she doesn’t even stop to think that people have lives outside of work!” you vented, your frustration spilling out as jude listened.

the two of you were sprawled out on the bed after a long day apart—him coming back from training, you from work. it had become your nightly routine, sharing the highs and lows of your day with each other. he lay back with his head resting on the pillow, while you propped yourself up on your elbow, turned toward him, still mid-rant about your impossibly annoying boss.

“how much time did you have?” jude asked casually.

“a week, but—”

“then she’s right. you did have plenty of time.”

his words hit you like a slap in the face. your eye twitched. was he… not taking your side? he was supposed to back you up! instead, it felt like he’d just shoved a metaphorical knife into your back and twisted it. how could he?

you sat up abruptly, glaring down at him with narrowed eyes. “she’s right?” you repeated, slow and deliberate, as if giving him a chance to backtrack. maybe you’d misheard. maybe the world wasn’t crumbling around you after all.

but no. jude nodded, sealing his fate.

“wow…” you muttered, your voice dripping with disbelief. “do you hate me?”

the abrupt question made jude’s brows knit together in confusion. “what? what are you talking about?” he asked, his tone baffled.

you shook your head, refusing to meet his eyes. “you hate me… my boyfriend hates me,” you whispered, mostly to yourself, though loud enough for him to hear.

jude blinked at you like you’d lost your mind, his expression a mix of amusement and exasperation. “are you serious right now?” he asked, staring at you like you were the most dramatic person alive.

“don’t talk to me,” you muttered, almost theatrically, as you slid off the bed. “i need some time alone… to process what just happened.”

jude watched you go, biting back a laugh. he knew this routine all too well—your flair for the dramatic, the way you needed to make a scene before inevitably calming down. shaking his head with a silent chuckle, he let you have your moment, fully expecting you’d be back soon enough, probably with an even more dramatic follow-up.

15 MINUTES LATER…

caption: i don’t want him anyway, girl take him 🖤

comments:

judebellingham: baby, as much as i don’t like telling you what to do, please take this down.

urbestfriend1: oh what did he do this time? 🙄

urbestfriend2: slay and girl power, but all that stuff aside, what the hell? 😭😭

jobebellingham: i always thought you were too good for him.

[scoupsakakitty]

More than Friends | idol!Scoups x reader | angst,fluff

The dorm buzzed with energy, laughter bouncing off the walls as the members sprawled across couches and bean bags, arguing about what movie to watch next. Y/N sat cross-legged on the carpet, her back leaning against the edge of the couch, where Seungcheol lounged comfortably.

He was laughing at something Wonwoo said, his head tipped back, eyes crinkled at the corners in that way that made Y/N’s heart skip. She quickly looked away, pretending to focus on the half-empty bowl of popcorn in her lap.

It wasn’t the first time she’d caught herself staring. And if Jeonghan’s knowing glances were anything to go by, it definitely wasn’t the first time someone else had noticed.

“Are you seriously just going to keep sitting there and pretending like you’re not in love with him?” Jeonghan’s voice was low as he leaned closer.

Y/N stiffened. “Would you keep your voice down?”

Jeonghan smirked. “They’re too busy arguing about movies to hear me.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Y/N.” Jeonghan’s voice softened, and she hated how easily he could see right through her. “You need to tell him.”

She shook her head, pretending to be more interested in the popcorn than the way Seungcheol’s laugh sent butterflies through her stomach. “It’s not that simple.”

“It is that simple.”

“No, it’s not,” she whispered sharply. “We’ve been friends for over ten years, Jeonghan. What if I tell him and it ruins everything? What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

Jeonghan gave her a look. “You don’t know that.”

But she did. Or at least she thought she did.

Before Jeonghan could press further, Seungkwan’s voice cut through the noise.

“Y/N, how do you even put up with Cheol all the time? Ten years? I’d lose my mind.”

Y/N forced a laugh. “We’re used to each other by now.”

“That’s not an answer,” Seungkwan teased.

Seungcheol leaned back, smirking. “She’s stuck with me, that’s why. We’re basically unbreakable.”

“Exactly,” Y/N said quickly, ignoring the heat rising in her cheeks. “He’s my best friend.”

Her heart sank the moment the words left her mouth.

Seungcheol grinned, completely unfazed. “See? Best friends.”

The words shouldn’t have hurt, but they did. And judging by the way Jeonghan’s gaze flickered toward her, he knew it too.

She tried to laugh along with the others, but something inside her shifted.

Maybe it was time to move on.

————————————————————————————-

Two weeks later, Y/N was seeing someone new.

His name was Minho. He worked in event planning, and he was charming, funny, and most importantly interested in her. When he’d asked her out, it felt like the universe giving her a push, so she said yes.

It was easy at first. Minho made her laugh and distracted her from the ache in her chest whenever she thought about Seungcheol.

But the more time she spent with Minho, the less time she had for Seungcheol.

And Seungcheol noticed.

“Where’s Y/N?”

It was the third time Seungcheol had asked that question in a week, and Jeonghan was starting to lose patience.

“She’s busy,” Jeonghan said, not even looking up from his phone. “Probably with Minho.”

Seungcheol’s jaw tensed.

“What’s so great about him anyway?”

Joshua raised an eyebrow. “You don’t even know him.”

“I don’t need to know him to know he’s not right for her.”

Jeonghan finally looked up, his expression carefully neutral. “And what makes you think that?”

Seungcheol hesitated, but before he could answer, Mingyu snickered from across the room.

“Dude, just admit it. You’re jealous.”

Seungcheol glared at him. “I’m not jealous.”

“Sure,” Vernon muttered under his breath.

“I’m not!”

Jeonghan set his phone down and crossed his arms. “Okay, then what’s the problem?”

Seungcheol opened his mouth, then closed it again. He didn’t know how to explain it. All he knew was that every time he saw Y/N with Minho, something inside him twisted painfully, and it wouldn’t go away.

“You’re all acting like this is normal,” he snapped, shoving himself off the couch. “But it’s not. She barely knows him, and now she’s acting like—like he’s more important than everything else.”

“Like he’s more important than you?” Jeonghan asked quietly.

Seungcheol froze.

“Cheol,” Joshua said, his voice softer now, “you need to figure out why this is bothering you so much.”

Seungcheol didn’t answer. Instead, he grabbed his jacket and stormed out.

————————————————————————————-

The night air was cool against his skin as he stepped outside, but it did nothing to calm the storm in his chest.

What was wrong with him?

Why did it feel like his entire world was falling apart just because Y/N was dating someone?

He paced back and forth, his hands clenched into fists as he tried to make sense of the mess in his head.

“Seungcheol.”

He turned to see Jeonghan standing behind him, hands in his pockets and an annoyingly calm expression on his face.

“What?” Seungcheol snapped.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Excuse me?”

Jeonghan stepped closer. “You’re an idiot,” he repeated. “And you know why? Because you’re acting like you have some kind of right to be mad at her when you’re the one who’s been too scared to do anything about your feelings.”

Seungcheol flinched.

“You love her.” Jeonghan’s words hit him like a punch. “And instead of telling her that, you’ve spent years pretending you don’t. Now she’s finally trying to move on, and you’re mad? That’s not fair, Cheol.”

Seungcheol opened his mouth to argue, but no words came out.

Because Jeonghan was right.

He loved her.

And he’d been too blind or too scared to admit it.

“She loved you first, you know,” Jeonghan said quietly. “She’s loved you for years. But you kept pushing her away without even realizing it. So don’t stand here acting like she betrayed you when you’re the one who let her slip through your fingers.”

Seungcheol felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Fix it,” Jeonghan said, turning to walk away. “Before it’s too late.”

————————————————————————————-

Seungcheol didn’t sleep that night. He spent hours replaying every moment, every look, every touch—and suddenly, it all made sense.

The way she’d always been there for him. The way her smile softened when she looked at him. The way she laughed at his dumb jokes even when no one else did.

She loved him.

And he loved her too.

Now he just had to make sure she knew it.

————————————————————————————-

The practice room was loud, the sounds of sneakers squeaking against the floor and beats thumping through the speakers filling the space. But Seungcheol wasn’t paying attention.

His movements were sharp, almost aggressive as he led the group through their choreography, pushing harder than usual. He needed the distraction. He needed to drown out the thoughts that had been chasing him since his conversation with Jeonghan the night before.

She loved him. She’d always loved him.

And he’d been too scared to see it.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Seungkwan’s voice snapped him out of his daze.

“What?”

“You’ve been off all morning,” Seungkwan said. “And honestly, you kind of look like you’re about to punch someone.”

Seungcheol exhaled, dragging a hand down his face. “I’m fine.”

But then Mingyu’s voice rang out from across the room.

“Guys, did you hear? Y/N’s going on vacation!”

Seungcheol froze.

“With Minho,” Mingyu added, oblivious to the way Seungcheol’s entire body tensed. “Apparently it’s super last minute. She told me this morning.”

“What?” Seungcheol’s voice was sharp enough to make everyone stop and stare.

“She and Minho are flying out tomorrow,” Mingyu said. “Some beach resort or something.”

The room went completely silent as eleven pairs of eyes turned to Seungcheol, who looked like he’d just been punched in the gut.

Then chaos erupted.

“WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?!” Seungkwan shouted.

“GO TO HER!” Vernon added, shoving Seungcheol toward the door.

“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!”

Jeonghan didn’t say anything. He just crossed his arms and gave Seungcheol a look that said, You know what you have to do.

Seungcheol didn’t need to be told twice.

————————————————————————————-

His heart felt like it was going to explode as he stood outside her apartment door, his fist hovering just inches away from knocking.

What if he was too late?

What if she’d already left?

What if—

The door opened.

“Seungcheol?” Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

She was dressed casually shorts and an oversized t-shirt but there was a suitcase by the door, and the sight of it made his stomach drop.

“You’re really leaving?”

She blinked. “What?”

“With Minho. Tomorrow.”

Her brows furrowed. “How did you—”

“Mingyu told me,” he cut in.

She sighed, stepping back to let him in. “It’s not a big deal, Cheol. It’s just a trip.”

“It is a big deal,” he said, his voice rising slightly. “You’re leaving with him. And I can’t—” He stopped, raking a hand through his hair. “I can’t let you do this.”

She stared at him, confused and a little defensive. “What do you mean you can’t let me? It’s my life, Seungcheol. I don’t need your permission.”

“That’s not what I meant!” he snapped.

“Then what did you mean?”

He took a shaky breath, his chest tightening. “I mean… I can’t watch you walk away. Not like this. Not with him.”

Her lips parted, but no words came out.

“I hate it, Y/N,” he said, his voice cracking. “I hate seeing you with him. I hate that he gets to have your time, your attention, when I’ve had it for years, and I was too stupid to realize what it meant.”

Tears welled in her eyes, and it made his heart ache even more.

“Why are you doing this now, Seungcheol?” she whispered.

“Because I can’t lose you.”

“You already did,” she said, her voice trembling. “When you called me your best friend. When you made it so clear that that’s all we’d ever be. Do you have any idea how much that hurt?”

He stepped closer. “I didn’t mean it. I was scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of ruining what we had.” He reached for her hand, holding it tightly. “Of losing you if I messed this up. But now I realize I’m losing you anyway, and it’s killing me.”

Her tears spilled over, and Seungcheol gently cupped her face.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you so much it scares me. And I know I don’t deserve you after everything I’ve put you through, but please—please don’t go.”

Her breath hitched, and for a moment, he thought she was going to pull away. But then she threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest.

“You’re such an idiot,” she mumbled, her voice muffled by his shirt.

“I know.”

“You hurt me so much.”

“I know,” he said again, holding her tighter. “And I’m so, so sorry.”

She pulled back just enough to look up at him. “What if this doesn’t work? What if we ruin everything?”

“It won’t,” he promised. “Because I’m not letting you go. Not now. Not ever.”

She searched his eyes for any sign of doubt, but all she saw was sincerity and love.

So she kissed him.

It was soft at first, hesitant, but then it deepened, and all the tension that had been building between them for years melted away.

When they finally pulled apart, Seungcheol rested his forehead against hers, smiling.

“Cancel the trip.”

“I already did,” she admitted, and he laughed softly, kissing her again.

————————————————————————————-

The next day, Seungcheol walked into the practice room with Y/N’s hand in his, and the members erupted into cheers.

“About time!” Seungkwan yelled.

“Finally!” Mingyu added, throwing his arms in the air.

Jeonghan just smirked, leaning back against the wall. “Told you.”

Seungcheol rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop smiling as he looked at Y/N.

It had taken them years to get here.

But it was worth every second.

————————————————————————————

[moosesarecute]

December 21st: Winter Solstice

December Masterlist

Masterlist

For the first few hours, flying home had been amazing.

The wind in your hair. The way your wings helped you get where you wanted to go.

And especially, the way Azriel was within a wings-length at all times.

You flew beside him or below him or above him. It didn’t matter where, but you were the closest you could be while still flying.

Both of you had for the most part finished crying. The conversation had gone over to laughter and joy.

Both were focused on just taking in the feeling of flying together, but every now and then you would stop in the air and exchange small kisses.

Flying had always been your thing. Even as children, you and Az would go flying together.

Rhys and Cass was too advanced for the two of you. Even though you usually started the flying together, they would leave you and Az after just a few minutes. You and Az would grow together.

Azriel had of course spent most of his childhood with his wings tied, so he hadn’t been able to fly. You had grown up with a mother with clipped wings and a father that thought females shouldn’t fly. Your mother’s closeness to the Lady of Night was the only thing that kept your wings from being clipped.

You and Azriel would fly everyday and each day lead to longer flights.

You both got so proud every time you managed to stay longer in the air. So eventually, flying became your safe place. Even though Azriel spent most of the day training and you were sewing, not a day went by without at least a small flight.

It was something you had brought with you through your friendship, your marriage and as mates. Sometimes it was totally quiet and other times you were talking and laughing. You even went flying during the days of your biggest fight. Even though you were pissed at each other, you still spent a few minutes together up in the air.

Flying was your favorite thing to do.

But after a while, three years without regular flying became harder to ignore. Stretching out your wings became harder and harder. Your back started to cramp and you got more and more twitching.

You and Azriel had taken a longer break on the small island you had slept on last time you were flying to Prythian, but that only made things worse. When you were going to start flying again, you struggled even getting off the ground.

Azriel had of course asked you several times if you needed help, but you were just a little too stubborn to say yes.

That was until a sudden gust of strong wind almost knocked you out of the air and into the ocean.

Azriel was as always on high alert and caught you before you got hurt or wet.

“Thank you,” you told him. “You can let go of me now, love.”

However, as you tried to move out of Azriel’s arms, his embrace only tightened.

“Please, just let me hold you. For my sake. I know you can fly yourself, but I just need to have you close.”

You both knew he was lying, a little at least, but you let him get his will.

Sinking into his arms was just what you needed. You leaned your head onto his chest and slowly fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

Just before you fell asleep you felt a loving kiss to the top of your head and a small whisper.

“Sleep well, my dearest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

It was the most beautiful words you have ever heard.

Seeing Velaris broke you once more. You lasted about half a second trying to keep in your sobs.

It was the city you loved. When the boys first introduced it to you, you fell in love immediately. Having to leave after your first visit was awful.

“I remember how huge your eyes were when you first saw this,” Azriel said. He was still holding you. How he had managed to hold you for over three hours while flying and shadow-walking was impossible for you to tell, but it felt so safe.

“I can’t believe you managed to keep it a secret for so long,” you told him back. “Especially Cassian.”

The first Starfall after your mother passed was one you were sure you would spend alone. That was until Rhys came to Windhaven and picked you up.

The boys had celebrated both Winter Solstice and Starfall in Velaris for many years before you joined them. To this day it still shocked you how they managed to keep shut about the city.

“I know you want to see the rest of our family, but can we please just see a healer first?”

The concern in Azriel’s eyes was what made you say yes.

Both of you hated interrupting Madja’s celebration of Winter Solstice, but Azriel was too worried to wait.

“Thank the mother,” Madja breathed out as she saw you.

She was almost more concerned than Azriel as she did every single check she could think of.

“I know she’s your mate, shadowsinger, but it would be easier to examine her if I was able to see her.”

The second Madja had gotten closer than a meter to you, Azriel’s shadows had covered you completely. Even though Azriel tried his hardest to keep them away from you, it took you almost five minutes of comforting them before they let Madja even touch you.

“You’re a little too thin and dehydrated, but I can’t find anything will give permanent damage. Make sure you spend a lot of time resting and come back in a week’s time. No training, missions or work before I say so.”

Azriel seemed relieved at her words. Both that you were okay and that you needed to rest. He definitely needed rest too.

In the River House everyone sat waiting.

Not a single present had been opened.

Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian, Nesta, Elain, Mor and Amren had been sitting in total silence for quite a while.

Someone was missing.

When Azriel didn’t show up to the snowball fight that morning, the family started to worry.

They had went through all of Velaris to look after him. Rhys had even winnowed to Windhaven. Mor and Feyre had looked in The Middle.

They could find no trace.

“Can you try once more,” Cassian asked Rhys.

Neither Rhys or Feyre had gotten to Azriel with their daemati powers.

It was visible that they both tried, but eventually both shook their heads.

Azriel hadn’t spent Winter Solstice evening with them since you disappeared, but he had delivered presents and joined the snowball fight last year.

This year, no one had heard from him in almost a week.

They all thought the worst. They had for a while now. But at the same time, they hoped he would be there that day. They didn’t think he’d want to do it so close to the holiday you loved so much.

“He seemed hopeful! We made cookies!” Cassian said aloud with a tearful voice.

“Maybe he found out that he got his hopes up for nothing and couldn’t take it anymore,” Rhys said.

Missing a family member is always hard, but missing them around this time of year tends to be so much harder.

No one spoke for a while longer.

However, they all almost jumped out of their seats as they heard the door to the River House open. None of them moved. They heard one set of footsteps and a hushed voice.

However, as the door to the living room opened the clock struck twelve.

Taglist: @prettylittlewrites @hailqueenconquer @onebadassunicorn @mich0731 @tele86 @mellowmusings @anarchiii @anainkandpaper @donnadiddadog @atomictyphoonkitten @annablack @graciepies @salvatoresister1 @nastylicious @plants-w0rld @stqrgirlies-blog @scoliobean @kbear8863

Dividers by @issysh3ll

[starksweasley]

Couch Wars // Rhysand x Reader

Summary: In which a petty argument leads to Rhysand proving just how impossible he can be (Fluff)

Word Count: 710

The bedroom felt too quiet without him. The argument had been stupid—a silly spat over who forgot to wash the training leathers—but both of you had let it spiral. Rhysand, with his calm, infuriating smirk, and you, with your dramatic flair. Neither of you would back down. So, here you were, dragging a blanket off the bed and storming into the living room like a martyr.

The couch wasn’t even comfortable. You huffed as you threw the blanket down, trying to convince yourself you didn’t care. As you curled up, staring at the dim light filtering in from the balcony, you heard footsteps behind you.

“What are you doing?” Rhysand’s voice broke the silence, smooth and curious. You didn’t turn to face him.

“I’m sleeping here tonight,” you declared, voice clipped.

He walked closer, his silhouette casting a shadow over you. “On the couch?”

“Yes, on the couch. Away from you.”

Rhys crouched beside you, his violet eyes catching the faint light. He tilted his head, studying you like you were the most perplexing puzzle he’d ever encountered. “Darling, this is ridiculous.”

You huffed, clutching the blanket tighter. “Well, I don’t want to sleep next to someone who refuses to admit they’re wrong.”

His lips twitched. “Funny. I was thinking the same thing about you.”

“Go away, Rhysand.”

Instead of leaving, he sank onto the couch beside you, one arm draping over your waist. He pulled you close with maddening ease, his scent—night-chilled wind and cedar—washing over you.

“Let go,” you muttered, squirming out of his grip. You flopped onto the other end of the couch, making your displeasure obvious.

Rhysand sighed exaggeratedly, the sound so theatrical it might have earned a laugh if you weren’t so irritated. “If this is how you want to play it, fine.” In one swift motion, he stood, grabbed you, and tossed you over his shoulder.

“Rhysand!” you shrieked, pounding on his back. Your laughter betrayed your indignation. “Put me down!”

“No can do,” he said, striding toward the bedroom. “This is for your own good.”

“You’re insufferable!”

“And you’re adorable when you’re angry.”

You’d barely managed to argue before he reached the bed. Rhysand tossed you onto the mattress with an unceremonious plop, climbing over you before you could escape. He pinned your wrists above your head, his weight caging you in.

“Let me go,” you pouted, your bottom lip jutting out dramatically, eyes narrowing into a glare that might’ve been intimidating… if he didn’t find it so endearing.

His grin was devastating. “Not until you admit you’re being a brat.”

Your glare could have cut glass. “Not until you say you’re sorry.”

Rhysand’s gaze softened, though amusement still danced in his eyes. He leaned closer, his breath brushing your cheek, his voice dropping to that intoxicating murmur. “Sorry.”

You blinked, caught off guard. “What?”

“I said I’m sorry, darling. For whatever grievous crime I’ve committed.”

You hesitated, your stubbornness warring with the warmth blooming in your chest. Finally, you sighed. “I’m sorry too.”

A grin split his face, one so radiant it made your chest ache. “See? That wasn’t so hard.”

You scowled, but your lips twitched upward despite your best efforts. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re irresistible.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead, then your nose, then your lips, each touch lingering and soft. When he pulled back, his expression was unbearably smug. “Now, no more couch dramatics. Agreed?”

You rolled your eyes but smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Fine. But only because I’m too tired to fight you anymore.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, my love.”

As he settled beside you, his arms pulling you close, you realized the fight didn’t matter. Not when the night ended like this—his warmth surrounding you, his steady heartbeat under your ear, a constant reminder of everything you shared. The silence stretched, comfortable and soothing now, until you finally murmured, “I’m still mad about the leathers.”

Rhysand chuckled, his chest vibrating beneath your cheek. “Noted. I’ll make sure they’re spotless tomorrow. Anything else, my high-maintenance darling?”

“Just one thing,” you muttered, your lips curving into a sly smile. “Next time, I’m throwing you onto the couch.”

“Bold words,” he teased, pressing another kiss to your hair. “But we’ll see about that.”

[verstappenf1lecccc]

AM!Fernando Alonso x wife reader. While all the drivers have their annual dj nee together, they have their own diner with the Strolls. Just what I know since him and Lance are not there. Maybe they had kid(s) (you decide) And Lance being their fav uncle. Spending time, banter, sweet. Anything. Thanks!! :))

I’m sorry this is out rather late!! I’m on vacay so hehe

A Night with the Strolls

The annual driver’s DJ night was in full swing, but Fernando had decided to take a different route this year. Instead of joining the usual crowd for the glitzy and glamorous event, he and his wife had a more intimate plan—dinner with the Stroll family. Lance, being a close friend and mentor to Fernando, was like family, and his wife had grown just as fond of him over the years. The kids, their two young children—Mateo, 6, and Isabella, 4—were more than excited to be spending the evening with Uncle Lance.

The evening was filled with laughter and playful banter as the children chased Lance around the house, calling him their personal jungle gym. Lance, with his larger-than-life personality, was their favorite playmate. His laughter was contagious, and they clung to him as though he was the most important person in their world.

“I think I’ve earned the title of ‘Best Uncle’ tonight,” Lance said with a grin, lifting Mateo into the air and giving him an exaggerated spin.

Fernando, watching from the couch with his wife beside him, couldn’t help but smile. “They’ll want you to take them on a road trip next, you know,” he teased, a proud glint in his eyes as his son clung to Lance’s neck.

“Why not? I’ll just kidnap them and take them away for a few days. They’ll love it,” Lance joked, raising both kids high and making airplane sounds.

Fernando’s wife, sitting quietly next to him, couldn’t help but feel a sense of peace as she watched the scene unfold. The laughter of their children, the light-hearted teasing between Lance and Fernando, and the warmth of the Strolls’ family felt like a dream. She had never imagined a life like this. Coming from a broken home, where love had often felt uncertain and fleeting, she never thought she would find herself in the kind of family that Fernando had created. But here she was, surrounded by the kind of warmth and stability she had always longed for.

She turned to Fernando, her heart full. “Look at them,” she said softly, her voice filled with quiet admiration. “They’re so happy. I never thought I would find a family like this.”

Fernando smiled, his gaze never leaving her as he leaned closer. “You gave me everything I never knew I needed. I’m the lucky one.”

As the evening progressed, they shared moments of quiet connection. The kids ran around, laughing and playing, while Fernando and his wife enjoyed the peace and comfort of each other’s company. At one point, Fernando leaned in closer to his wife, his hand finding hers on the table. Their fingers intertwined naturally, as though they had always belonged there.

“Do you ever think about how we ended up here?” Fernando asked, his voice low, almost as if speaking to himself.

She looked at him, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “I think about it all the time,” she replied. “I never imagined I could be this happy, this… whole. When I was younger, love always seemed so fleeting, like something that couldn’t last. But now, with you, it’s different. I feel safe. I feel like I’ve found my home.”

Fernando’s gaze softened as he took a breath, pulling her hand closer to his lips. He kissed the back of her hand, a gesture of love so simple yet so profound. “I was lost, you know. In all the glitz and glamor of racing, the fame, the attention… none of it felt real. None of it meant anything until I found you. You made me feel like I finally had a place, a purpose. When I met you, I finally felt like I was home.”

Her heart melted at his words. She had always known he was a passionate and driven man, but hearing him speak so vulnerably touched her in a way that no victory on the racetrack ever could. “You are my home too, Fernando,” she whispered. “You and our children. There’s nowhere else I would rather be.”

The connection between them was palpable, a silent understanding that, despite the world around them, this was their safe space, their place of love and trust. He leaned in then, brushing his lips gently against hers in a kiss that felt like a promise. Soft, tender, yet full of all the love he held for her.

They pulled away, but Fernando’s hand lingered on her cheek, his thumb tracing the curve of her jawline. “You are everything to me,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “More than I could ever ask for. I will always choose you. Always.”

Her eyes shimmered with love as she gazed at him, feeling the depth of his devotion in every word. “And I will always choose you,” she said, her voice steady but full of affection. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Fernando.”

As the evening wore on, the kids grew tired, and Lance’s playful energy began to wind down. They all gathered around the table, enjoying a quiet meal together. Mateo had managed to convince Lance to tell them a new story, a tale of knights and dragons, and even Isabella, usually quiet during dinner, listened with wide-eyed wonder.

Fernando’s wife watched them, taking in the sight of the Stroll family. Lance, ever the jokester, had always been there for Fernando, and it was clear to her how much Lance admired his friend, not just as a teammate, but as a role model, a father figure.

Fernando had often told her that he had always been close to Lance, but she hadn’t realized just how deep their bond ran. Lance saw Fernando as more than just a colleague. He saw him as a mentor, a guide, someone who had been like a brother to him. When they were younger, Lance had looked up to Fernando—admired his success, his drive, and his unwavering loyalty to those he loved. Over time, that admiration had blossomed into a deep friendship, and now, it was clear that Lance adored Fernando like a father.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, man,” Lance had said more than once. “You’ve taught me more than just racing—you’ve taught me what it means to be a man of integrity, to be a good person.”

Fernando had always brushed it off with a laugh, but deep down, he knew how much Lance’s words meant. He had always tried to be a good role model, not just for his kids, but for the people in his life. And seeing Lance with his children—how the kids gravitated toward him, how he genuinely loved them like they were his own—touched him more than he could ever express.

Later, when the kids had been tucked into bed, and the house was quiet, Fernando and his wife took a moment to sit outside on the patio. The stars above them seemed to twinkle in the soft night sky, and a light breeze stirred the air. Fernando pulled her into his arms, wrapping his jacket around her as she nestled closer.

“You know,” he began, his voice soft and full of love, “I’d like to have another child. A third one. What do you think?”

Her gaze met his, and she felt a mix of love and uncertainty. “I would love that, Fernando, but I’m not sure I can go through it all again. After… everything we’ve been through. I’m scared.”

Fernando’s expression softened as he kissed the top of her head, his arms tightening around her in a protective embrace. “You don’t have to be scared. Whatever we decide, I’m here with you. And no matter how many children we have, we’ll have everything we need because we have each other. I’m not going anywhere.”

Her heart swelled at his words. She had always known Fernando was a strong man—on the track, in the spotlight, and in their home—but it was moments like this, when his vulnerability shone through, that made her love him even more.

“I love you so much, Fernando,” she whispered, her voice filled with emotion. “You make me feel safe. You make me feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.”

His lips brushed against her forehead, a soft kiss that spoke of love, of promises made, and of the beautiful life they had created together. “And I will always love you, mi amor. You are my everything.”

As the night continued, Fernando and his wife held each other close, their hearts full of love, their bond stronger than ever. In that moment, surrounded by the warmth of their family and the quiet of the night, they both knew that no matter what the future held, as long as they had each other, they were home.

[peppermintquartz]

Hondo comes into the locker room just as most of the others are going, and deliberately catches Deacon's eye. In case Deacon wants to play dumb, Hondo says, "Can we talk in private?"

Hondo sees the moment Deacon braces himself; he doubts anyone else but Luca might have noticed it. "Sure."

They find themselves someplace out of the way. Hondo steps closer and keeps his voice low. "Annie called Nichelle yesterday, crying. Deac, tell me it's not true what she said."

"Depends on what she said," Deacon replies. His face is blank; he knows how to play this game as well as anyone. It's going to be an uphill battle for Hondo, apparently.

Hondo glances around and, seeing no one else nearby, whispers fiercely, "Are you asking Annie for a divorce?"

"I told her I want a divorce, yes."

"Why? Deacon, the hell is going on? You and Annie are so great together," Hondo hisses, keeping an eye on possible eavesdroppers. The last thing he needs is this sort of gossip to spread, but he can't guarantee Deacon won't avoid him after work.

A bit of light sparring has started in the ring. 50-squad and 20-squad are both on shift, and Stevens and Tan are exchanging some good punches. Playing referee is Rocker, dancing around the combatants. Hondo looks over his shoulder and tugs Deacon a little further into the shadows.

Deacon sighs. "With all due respect, Hondo, that's my private life. And it's none of your business."

That's not wrong, but they've always been open about their family struggles since Deacon had money troubles.

"We're family, Deac. I'm not gonna judge, but I want to know what's going on."

"That's between me and Annie," Deacon replies, a note of warning in his tone. "It won't affect my work and it is of no concern of yours."

Hondo wants to press further but Hicks comes down the stairs at that exact moment with a furrowed brow and news of a jewelry heist gone wrong.

During the op, Deacon is his usual self: calm, cool and collected, his focus on the task at hand. Hondo has to force himself to do the same.

It feels strange to trust Deacon to have his back, while knowing that there's a wall Deacon's thrown up between them.

---

It takes Hondo six more days before he finds out the truth, by complete accident.

He's out buying fruit for his mom and pop when he sees Deacon crossing the road ahead, dressed in a dark jacket and a pair of light washed jeans. Hondo almost calls out to him but something gave him pause. Instead, he pays for the Asian pears and pulls on his shades, following Deacon from the other side of the road.

Deacon isn't looking around him but checking his phone. Then he enters a cafe. Hondo debates going in after him, but settles on waiting outside to the bakery opposite. Pretending to wait for someone and checking his watch now and again, he keeps an eye on Deacon, who is sitting at a window, smiling to himself. Then a familiar tall figure walks to the entrance of the cafe.

Rocker? Hondo hopes that Rocker's presence won't startle Deacon.

And then he sees Deacon standing to greet Rocker.

Maybe they're meeting for a security gig, Hondo thinks, starting to doubt himself, and then does a double take. Wait. Is Deacon kissing Rocker's hand?

The two men are gazing at each other, Rocker's left hand in Deacon's right, and Deacon has just pressed his mouth to the knuckles in a clearly romantic gesture.

His mind goes blank. Hondo doesn't know what to think.

All he sees is the happy, relaxed expression on the face of the man he trusts most in the world.

[lieslab]

Merry Christmas, please don't call

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: og8 X gn reader

Summary: When you struggle with the holidays for different reasons, the guys are right there to cheer you up.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 7K

Trigger warning: Loneliness, mentions of dead family members, grief, family issues, depression, insecurities, alcohol and drinking, and jokes about suicide as a coping mechanism.

If you or a loved one is struggling this holiday season, you can find some mental health resources here.

A/N: Some of these drabbles are rather lighthearted and others get a little dark. Whether you will be spending time with friends and family this holiday season, or spending the day alone, please take care of yourselves. Eat a good meal and drink some water. Let's survive this holiday season together and make the new year a good one <3

_ _ _

Chan: 

The clock struck noon and the chimes began to sing again. Another wasted day, another sound of silence, and another meaningful day slipping through your fingers. Lately, most days seemed to end up that way, but you couldn’t find it within your seeping soul to care. 

Most bodies were a temple, but yours was a walking grave. You were idle on the inside and just waiting for your time to go. Upside down on the leather couch, your arms dangled against the worn beige carpet. Your feet dangled over the back and on each side of the couch, two pillows sat in a place they called home. 

Chan was out today and he’d be out for most of the day. The two of you were having an extended vacation in Sydney, so he could visit his parents for the holidays. You were offered a chance to go along with him, but you politely declined. You didn’t want to overstep and it had been so long since Chan saw his family, you didn’t want to barge in and make yourself at home for the dinner they were making. 

It was a full spread with his father’s grilled lamb and some of his mother’s favorite recipes. His siblings were going to be there and you loved his family, but you hated the idea of sticking out like a sore thumb. Besides, you already had dinner with them a few times. 

You tried to get your mind off of it by cleaning the airbnb. His parents wanted him to stay there, but he wanted you to be comfortable. Plus, his old bedroom had been taken over by storage. Staying there required buying a brand new mattress, a box spring, and bedding. It felt easier to rent an airbnb. 

Your face grew darker and darker as the blood rushed towards your head. Your eyes shut and you let your hair dangle. While they were having dinner, you had to find your own dinner. Sydney was full of possibilities, but all you could think about was his father’s lamb. 

How many times had he raved about it? Back in Korea, he talked about it all the time. Whenever he ordered lamb from somewhere, it was delicious, but it was never up to the same standards as his father’s. The thought of it made your mouth salivate. 

“What are you doing down there?” 

Your eyes widened in shock. Above you, dimples formed in the sides of Chan’s cheeks. “Look at you, my little cutie.” He bent down and gently poked the top of your nose. “You look like a little tomato.” 

You huffed and lightly pushed his hand away. “Stop it, I’m just hanging out. Why are you here?” 

“I got halfway there and then turned the car back around. It didn’t feel right showing up without you. I don’t like the idea of eating a Christmas dinner without you by my side. Not to mention, my parents would demand to know where you were.” 

He grabbed one of your wrists, reached down to support your back, and supported you while you sat up. You allowed it, but when he tried to tug you off the couch, you hesitated. He raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

“I don’t want to ruin your Christmas dinner with your family.” 

“How will you ruin it?” 

“Your parents don’t get to spend holidays with you often. You should see them by yourself. They don’t need me there to worry about. They called Christmas a family gathering for a reason.” 

A soft sigh escaped his lips and he sat down beside you. “Sweetheart, you’re part of my family too. You don’t think my family considers you part of our family? Did you know that my siblings can’t wait for the day that we’re married? They’re excited to truly consider you a sibling.” 

Your head shook, your own stubbornness refused to let you see it. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” You tugged away, but his fingers didn’t let go of your wrist. 

“Talk to me, what’s really going on? What’s causing you to feel like this?” His hand cupped the side of your cheek. The familiar warmth of his thumb slid across your eye socket. “Please just talk to me. Do you not like them?” 

“Of course, I like them. I love your family, but I feel like an embarrassment. Shouldn’t I be celebrating my own holiday with my own family? I hate feeling like an intruder.” 

“Well, you’re not.” He leaned forward, his nose nearly touched yours. “You’re going to come along and, even if I have to drag you there, we’re going. If you’re lucky, maybe my dad might give you his lamb recipe.”

The pitiful look in your eyes was more than enough. He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to the tip of your nose. “What are you waiting for? Come on!” 

You squealed as he stood up and grabbed you. His fingers lightly tickled your sides and he hauled you over his shoulder. Your giggles filled the air with each dramatic bouncing step he took. 

No matter how much of an intruder you felt like, he’d never leave you alone.  _ _ _

Minho: 

The sudden shriek from across the room caused your eyes to widen. You glanced over and found Minho’s face returning to normal. Almost like he hadn’t just jerked his head back and let out the loudest wail known to mankind.

In his hands, a fresh ceramic mug of black tea sat. A steady stream of steam lazily twirled into the air. He ignored your look of concern, gently blew onto the drink, and took a sip. His lips smacked together and he let out a content sigh. 

“What the hell was that?” You finally asked. 

“What was what?” His eyes found yours. “Blowing on my tea? Can’t you see that it’s hot? Is your eyesight bad enough that we should take you to the eye doctor?” 

A blank look of your unamusement caused him to chuckle. He took another loud sip, trying not to laugh at your annoyance. You shut the book you were holding and leaned back along the couch. 

“So you’re just going to pretend like you didn’t scream?” 

“Oh, that?” He shrugged and adjusted his grip on the sage green mug. “I was just thinking about how excited I am to go home for the holidays. I can’t wait to see my cats again. You know them?” 

“How could I forget Soonie, Doongie, and Dori? Of course, I know them. Are you old enough that you have memory loss?” 

“I’m older than you, learn some manners.” 

You rolled your eyes, grabbed your book, and began to flip back to the page you were on. He headed in your direction, sat on the couch beside you, and placed his mug on the wooden coffee table. 

“I’ve mentioned my holiday plans a few times, but you’ve never mentioned yours. What are you doing for yours?” 

“I’ll be hanging out here in our apartment.” 

“What do you mean?” His eyes narrowed. “Why? What about your family?” 

“Pretty hard to celebrate when your family members are buried six feet down in the frozen ground.” 

He slowly blinked, wondering if he heard you right. You didn’t explain yourself, instead, you just continued to flip until you found the right page again. Your body relaxed back up against the arm of the couch and you started at the top of the page. 

When you didn’t clarify, he reached out, and he placed a sprawled out hand over the words, so you couldn’t read them. “What do you mean they’re dead?” 

“My family was small and there was an accident. They’re dead and life goes on. I haven’t celebrated the holidays since they died. Now if you’ll excuse me-” You pulled your book from his hand. “You’re blocking my story.” 

You acted like your words were normal. He wanted to know more, but you didn’t seem to be budging. He reached out, jerked the book away, and planted a finger in the page you were reading. 

“Hey!” You cried out. 

“We have to talk about this. You can’t just say that and expect me to be fine with that. No, no, no.” He brought up his free hand and wagged his finger in your face. “New holiday plans, you’re coming to my house to spend time with my family.” 

“Minho, it’s fine, really. I’ve gotten used to it and I’m okay with being alone. I’m not going to ruin your family’s holiday just because-” 

“Oh no, I’m not asking you.” He handed you your book back. You sighed and took it back. He pushed himself off the couch and began to pace while he pulled out his phone. 

You tried to ignore him, but curiosity got the better of you. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m texting my mom and telling her to make extra food. You’re going to meet my grandma and my parents. Your loneliness can be damned this holiday season. After this, I’m going to order matching Christmas sweaters for us and my cats.” 

“Huh?” 

“Don’t question me, my family is going to love it. I’m going to post the photos of my cats to Bubble afterwards. The fans are going to be mad. Not only do I have three cats, but they have matching sweaters, and they don’t.” 

“Do you always plan to torment your fans?” 

He finally glanced up from his phone. “Well, someone has to keep them humble. Nobody else is going to do it, so I will.” 

For the next twenty minutes, he kept showing you cat Christmas sweaters on pet store websites and asking which one you thought was cuter.  _ _ _

Changbin: 

“Are you staying there? Baby, are your eyes closed? Are you peeking? Stop it!” 

“I’m not peeking! My hands are over my eyes and I don’t know what more you want from me! I’m trying to be patient, but you’re freaking me out. What are you doing out there?” 

“DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES!” 

You were sitting with your legs crossed in the middle of the couch. Changbin came home from work wrapped in an oversized white blanket. Before you could even ask, he told you to stay put and close your eyes. So here you were, curled up, with your hands flat against your shut eyes. 

For the past few minutes, Changbin had been out in the kitchen. Soft clatters floated from the room, but you didn’t know what he was exactly doing. Every time you tried to peek, he’d shriek at you like a mother defending her eggs from a predator. 

There was more clattering and it was topped off with a giggle. In the kitchen, Changbin rubbed his hands together and grinned. “Baby, are you ready?” 

“Can I look now?” 

“One moment! I’m coming. Don’t look until I give you the okay!” 

Giddiness coated the lining of your stomach and you waited. His footsteps came closer and closer until they stopped altogether. “Okay, you can look now.” 

You opened your eyes with a smile on your face. It only grew wider when you saw what he was wearing. He was in a white button down long sleeve shirt. A black vest sat on top of it and a matching bow tie was secured around his neck. A white apron tied around his waist and gave the illusion of a long skirt. 

On his hand, there was a silver platter adorned with three styrofoam cups. You gave him a funny look, but all he could do was give you a goofy grin. As he balanced the platter, his legs began to move. 

“Hot! Hot! Ooh, we got it! Hot! Hot! Hey, we got it!” 

You slapped a hand over your mouth to stop the giggles from escaping. He moved and twirled around the living room with the platter. Unbeknownst to you, the empty cups were taped down and the tray was secured to the back of his hand with a strap. 

“Hot! Hot! Say, we got it! Hot chocolate!” 

His feet tapped against the floor and he spun around with the platter overhead. It took you a moment to find the fake mustache glued onto his face and when you saw it, you lost it. 

He didn’t stop singing and dancing. Your eyes widened as he stepped onto the couch beside you. You had to look up at him. He winked as your eyes met and he spun off and back to the ground. 

Just as you thought, he couldn’t do more, he moon-walked to the coffee table and jumped on top of it. Part of you was alarmed, but the other half of you was amused. He jumped off with ease and bowed in front of you with the platter held out to you. 

Heavy breaths racked his chest and his heart beamed with pride. Your hands went together and you began to clap in delight. He got back up, hurried into the kitchen, and came back with a mug of steaming hot chocolate. 

“For-” He sucked in a deep breath, “for you.” 

“Thank you,” You uttered as you grabbed it. “How long did it take you to learn the dance?” 

“About a week, but it was worth it to see that smile on your face. I know how much you like the Polar Express. I-I was trying to figure out a way to cheer you up, so I-” 

“Changbin?” 

He glanced down at you and you patted the space next to you. “I love you so much, you have no idea. This is the sweetest and most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. You look exactly like the waiters in the movie.” 

His cheeks went red and he brushed your words away. “It was nothing, really. Maybe I can teach you the dance and put a fake mustache on you. Do you think I should grow a mustache?” 

“I think if you ever find yourself out of a job, you should consider working on one of those trains that recreates the Polar Express. You’ve got the role in the bag.” 

“Is the hot chocolate good?” 

“Delicious.” 

“Good. Did it work? Did I make you feel better? You’ve been glum lately and I hate to see you so miserable during this time of the year.” 

You swallowed another sip before offering him the cup. He glanced over at you and giggled at the sight of the brown mustache sitting on your upper lip. His thumb reached out to wipe it away.

“Forget me growing a mustache baby, you would suit one perfectly.”  _ _ _

Hyunjin: 

“This is too hard and I’m dying. I know too many people. Why did I agree to go Christmas shopping with Felix and Jeongin?” Hyunjin’s hands wiped down his face and he groaned. 

Perched on your shared bed, there were four rolls of wrapping paper in different holiday prints. A bag of premade colorful bows scattered everywhere. Scissors were half open and nearly digging into his leg. The wrapping paper that he cut too short was scrunched into balls and littered the carpet beneath the bed. 

You were on your way to the bathroom when you glanced in to check on him. After coming home with multiple bags, he sauntered into the bedroom nearly an hour ago and he had been there ever since. He said he was going to wrap presents and you assumed he’d struggle, but you didn’t realize that it’d be this much. 

“Hyunjin?” You called out softly as you poked your head into the room. “Are you okay in here?” 

“Am I okay here?” He scoffed and gestured around. “Do I look like I’m okay? Look at this mess! How do you fold wrapping paper over a gift that’s not a square shape? I should have never let the guys talk me into buying so many gifts for people. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

You chuckled and stepped inside. “You’re very, very sweet. Do you want some help?” 

“Please. Preferably before Santa himself comes in and boots me from his workshop.” His arms crossed over his chest and his lips stuck out in a pout. “Wrapping gifts is too hard. We should just be able to give people items without them expecting wrapping paper.” 

“You don’t have to wrap them if you don’t want to,” you reminded him. 

“I know, I know. I want to wrap them, I just-” He sighed. “I’m just annoyed by it all. It’s really not that difficult, but I’m struggling with the amount of paper to use.” 

You headed over and grabbed the scissors. After searching for a few seconds, Hyunjin grabbed the tape and handed it to you. You glanced around at the gifts and nodded. “We can do this. Which wrapping paper and which gift?” 

He grabbed the black and red plaid wrapping paper. He nearly fell off the bed in the process of stretching to grab one of the gifts. Once he handed them to you, you gestured for him to follow you. 

You carefully averted yourself through the maze of gifts and headed out to the kitchen. He followed your steps and the moment his body broke free of the room, his stress melted away. You seemed so sure of your skills as you loaded up your tools onto the island. 

The first gift was a smaller square box with cologne in it. You unraveled some of the paper and set it in the center. “You see this?” You took the edge of the paper and rolled it up over the side. “You want this side of the paper to cover half the box.” 

“But it’s covering less than half?” 

You nodded and unraveled more wrapping paper. He watched as you adjusted the box and taped the first half of the paper down. You took your time letting the scissors glide across the end of the role. You pulled the other half over and asked for tape. 

He placed down a small piece, mimicking your previous motions. Once it was secured, you showed him how to bend and fold the ends. After you folded them, you let him tape them down. When you finished, you slid the box to him. 

“You made that seem a lot easier than it should be.” 

You chuckled at his words. “It’s really not that difficult to wrap a gift. My parents taught me that when I was younger. I’ve carried the skill around since then.” 

“God bless your parents.” 

You forced a smile at his words and watched as he disappeared to grab a bow from the bedroom. By the time he came back, you took your attention to the window above the sink. Painful memories adorned your brain at the mention of your parents. 

“Are you going to help me with the next one? You know I struggle with seeing things just once and being expected to know what to do. It takes me a while to get things.” 

You shut your eyes and nodded, still facing the window. “I’ll help you wrap the next one if you get it.” 

He kept an eye on you, worried about the sudden distance. Something flickered in your eyes when he mentioned your parents. When you reached up and wiped your eyes, he knew something was wrong. 

You weren’t expecting him to appear behind you. When his hand found your shoulder, you jumped slightly. Tears wet your eyes when you spun around to face him. Without a word, he tugged you to him. 

You couldn’t fight it. The familiar lull of his heart caused your eyes to shut. Your hands wrapped around his waist. “Family issues?” He uttered softly. 

“Something like that.” 

“I’m sorry I made you wrap a gift. I didn’t mean to bring up memor-” 

“Don’t apologize, I’ve missed wrapping gifts. Actually, I like wrapping gifts, but I’m not a fan of celebrating Christmas.” 

“So would you like to be a dear and spend the next few hours teaching and helping me wrap gifts?” 

“Obviously.” 

You forced yourself to smile, but he knew deep down that you weren’t okay. A storm brewed in the silence of your soul. Maybe one day you’d talk about it, but for now, he was just happy to be in your presence. 

He couldn’t heal the gaping wounds, but he could try to dull the ache.  _ _ _

Han: 

“Baby, please wake up.” Han reached over and shook your sleeping body. You had been asleep for a few hours and he was desperate for your feedback. “Please, get up.” 

When your groggy eyes finally cracked open, he grinned. “Hi there. I’m sorry for waking you up, but look!” He held open a homemade card and pressed it to your nose. “Be honest with me, can you read this?” 

“Kind of,” you mumbled. “Who is it going to?” 

“My mom.” 

“I’m sure she’ll be able to read it. Didn’t she grow up being able to read your handwriting?” 

“Well, yeah, but I wanted to make cards for the guys too.” He pushed the card against the bed and sat down on the edge. “I’m feeling festive this holiday season and I want to let people know how much I care about them.”

“Mm-hmm. That’s nice.” Your eyes slipped shut again and you twisted. You nuzzled the pillow and wrapped the blanket around your body tighter. 

“Baby?” 

“Huh?” 

“Do you want to get up and make Christmas cards with me?” 

“And send them to who? I cut off my family members, remember? I don’t talk to any of them to save my mental sanity.” 

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, baby, I totally forgot.” He laid down beside you and slithered his hands around your waist. You didn’t fight it as he pulled you against himself. “Is this why you’ve been sleeping so much lately?” 

“Here I’ve been going on and on about the holidays and the people around me, but I haven’t even thought about you and your situation.” 

“I’m not mad at you. I like listening to you talk about everything and everyone in your life. You’ve got a lot of love to give and creating homemade Christmas cards is cute. I’m sure they’re going to love them.” 

“I hate that you think your family issues make you unlovable.” 

“I-I don’t think-” Your voice cut off as a lump built in your throat. Tears began to build up and you blinked rapidly. Of course, you felt unlovable. 

Holiday ads were smeared with family gatherings. Songs chirped about winter and connection. Even when the birds migrate for winter, they fly to warmer weather with all their friends and family. So many creatures, human or not, have connection, but not you. 

You had Han, but everyone else? Everyone else seemed to be far away. Even when your parents’ compliments were backhanded. When your grandparents gabbed about your disappointing appearance and when your siblings reminded you that you were a loser, you were supposed to endure it for the holidays. 

It didn’t matter if you were their own flesh and blood. It didn’t matter if it hurt your feelings, you were just supposed to sit through it. You were supposed to be grateful you knew them. You were supposed to be thankful that you even had family. 

How many times have your holiday dinners been interrupted with a lump in your throat? When you excused yourself from the table, so you could let your tears fall in the privacy of the bathroom. How many times had you clung to the rope tethering your family together, despite no matter how much the rope burn rubbed your hands raw? 

So you walked away from it all. You were deemed an ungrateful traitor by your family members. They were the victims of your selfishness in your eyes, but if selfishness was what you had to be called to pick and choose your own lonely path of happiness, so be it.

You shifted and curled into Han’s chest. He held you to him tighter. One of his hands began to gently rub your back. The other hand went to the back of your head. 

“I can’t put into words how much I love you. I hope you get to hear it in some of my songs. I hope you’re able to pluck it out between the melody and the backing vocals. I hope you can feel it in my touch.” 

“Thank you,” you finally managed to utter through tears. 

“And for my next Christmas card, I’ll be sending it to your parents house. On the front, there’s a giant ‘fuck you’ written in glitter. Tis the season to tell them to fuck off.” 

You couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling up in your chest.  _ _ _

Felix: 

Jingling bells were mixed with sobs. The halls were decked with tissues. The snowy gray skies were dotted with misery and an impending doom that you just couldn’t shake. 

The holidays were a continuous slow death. The lack of sunlight brought in depression and your brain was haunted with past memories. Everything seemed to be decorated for Christmas, including downtown. 

A nearby business was having Christmas carols tonight and Felix wanted you to go with him, but you turned it down. It was an open invite by the business, anyone could come along and sing, but you didn’t have it in you to stand in front of a door of strangers and put on a smile. 

Your apartment was dark and when Felix first arrived, he wasn’t sure if you were home. It was only around seven and your car was in the parking lot, but the rest of the house seemed dead. Every light was off and there wasn’t a sign that you were around. 

He placed his basket over his arm and knocked but you didn’t answer the door. He frowned and knocked harder, but you still didn’t answer. Instead of leaving, he pulled off his glove, and pulled out his phone. He got to your number and hit the call button. 

Inside your house, you were drowning your worries in eggnog. You normally stuck to the non-alcoholic version that was stored in the coolers, but this time, you picked up a bottle at room temperature that was mixed with a spiced rum. Outside, the streets were wrapped in a velvet green and bright red, but your soul was tainted black. 

You thought about ignoring Felix’s call when his contact lit up your screen, but your hand moved before you could stop it. You answered the call and placed it on speakerphone. “What do you want? I told you I’m not singing tonight?” 

“I’m not here to gather you for singing. I’m outside and I have something for you. I thought we could do something together inside and enjoy each other’s company.” 

“Go away, I’m probably drunk.” 

“If you were drunk, you would have hung up. You forget which way is left and right. Why not let me in and see what kind of treats I brought?” 

You paused at the words and you glanced over at the front door from your spot in the kitchen. “Edible treats?” 

“Of course.” 

“Sweet treats?” 

“You bet.” 

“I’m coming, don’t leave.” 

He listened to the sound of your footsteps and when you finally cracked the door open, you looked like a mess. You smelled like nutmeg and rum. You hung up the phone in your hand and stared at him with red-rimmed eyes. 

“You poor, poor thing.” 

“I don’t want your pity.” 

He held up his hands in defeat. “Can I just come in? I think these things are cool by now and we can decorate them.” 

You eyed the wicker basket he was holding suspiciously. It was covered in a red and white patterned cloth. You couldn’t see in it, but you had suspicions about it. After a moment, you finally stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. 

He followed and a blast of chilled air rushed after him. You didn’t turn around as you led him towards your kitchen. He shut the door, kicked off his shoes, and he followed you. 

You flipped on the kitchen light, shielding your eyes in the process. The eggnog swirled in your stomach and with a small hiccup, you felt the alcohol crawl back up the back of your throat. You forced yourself to swallow it. 

“Welcome to my kitchen, you can do whatever here. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take a nap.” You began to turn and leave, but he grabbed your arm to stop you. 

“At least, look at what I brought with me first.” 

You sighed and spun back around. He peeled back the cloth and pulled out a variety of colorful piping bags. Small packets of gummies and candies followed. He even pulled out a few miniature candy canes. 

“What is this for?” 

He smiled at you and held up an undecorated gingerbread man. “I was hoping you could help me decorate them, so they could come to life.” 

“Why are you really here?” 

“Because I love you and I’m worried about you.” He placed the gingerbread man back in the basket. “Because every time I mention the holidays, you turn away and you scowl. Because you get a far away look on your face when I mention family and you frown.” 

That same frown that he had grown used to appeared on your face again. Just the sight of it broke his heart. His hand reached towards yours and he gently took your hand. 

“You don’t have to explain it to me, but I just don’t want you to feel alone this holiday season. I think everyone should feel warmth in this cold and I think you deserve it too. I love you and I don’t want you to feel alone.” 

The alcohol made you numb to your emotions. If you were fully sober, no doubt, you would have burst into tears. Instead, you just glanced over at his basket of gingerbread cookies. “And if they turn out ugly?” 

“Ugly cookies are still cookies at the end of the day, aren’t they? No matter what they look like, they still taste delicious. Deep down, they’re still loved.” 

When your lips met his, you finally felt the warmth you’d been lacking this holiday season.  _ _ _

Seungmin: 

“And for this holiday season, I might hang myself with the lights. Tell me, Kim Seungmin, would you kiss my corpse beneath the mistletoe? 

“I’d let your corpse kiss my ass beneath the mistletoe.” 

“I didn’t think you were into necrophilia, so I’ll have to note it.” 

“Fucking freak,” he grumbled. He turned back to the side of the house and continued to string the lights along the edge. The two of you had been working for nearly an hour, but it still wasn’t enough. 

You chuckled at his comment, but then you went quiet. Below him, you stood on the ladder with the raveled Christmas lights in your hand. They were wrapped around a piece of plastic and slowly, but surely, you were unstringing it as he hung the strands in clear clips. Your eyes finally found the ground and you held the lights steady. 

When you didn’t make another comment, Seungmin glanced down with a sigh. You didn’t hear it, too busy distracted by your own thoughts in your head. It took a few moments of him calling your name until you glanced up. “Hmm?” 

“Why are you making so many jokes about dying?” 

You shrugged, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “It’s not like I haven’t made jokes like that before. What makes it different this time?” 

“Well, usually you say you’re kidding afterwards, but this time, that never happened. You didn’t say you were kidding, you just pretended like you never said anything. I know you joke about it a lot, but it worries me that you’re doing it more than usual. Did something happen?” 

His gaze lingered, but you stayed quiet. Your teeth sank into the velvet section of your bottom lip. He began to descend the ladder when you didn’t respond. He walked over to you, pulled the lights out of your hand, and gently placed his hands on your shoulders. 

“Don’t do that. Don’t do that thing where you shut me out and you shut down. What happened?” He lightly shook you and caused your head to sway back and forth. “Just please tell me what happened.” 

“Nothing specifically,” you finally uttered as your eyes found the ground. “Nothing specific happened, I’m just struggling, that’s all.” 

“With what?” 

“It’s the holiday season,” you shrugged. “Haven’t you noticed that everything goes bad during the holiday season? A light bulb blows and you don’t have a new one. An elderly family member passes away. You feel warm and cozy because of the holiday season and then you’re slammed with the heartbreaking realization that people don’t care about you the way that you care about them.” 

His fingers gently dug tighter into your winter coat and you lightly shoved him away. “It’s nothing, really. I’m probably just being dramatic, but it feels like everything spirals during this time of the year, doesn’t it?” 

“I didn’t know you felt like that.” 

“I don’t want to ruin your holiday cheer.” You reached down and grabbed the lights from the ground. “At least, the house will look festive.” You tried to force a smile, but it came out as a grimace instead. 

He pulled the lights from your hands and put them on the ground. You let him tug you inside and into the warmth of your shared house. The scent of the homemade apple cider you made earlier still lingered. The cinnamon sticks swirled with sugar and apples and spritzed the air. 

Seungmin spun to face you and he reached for your coat. You stayed put as he began to unzip your coat and pull you out of it. The freezing temperatures caused the tip of his nose and the tops of his cheeks to turn red. He was working with gloves coating his fingers. 

“What are you doing?” You finally whispered as he peeled off your hat. He didn’t respond and pulled off your scarf. You stayed quiet and watched him begin to peel off his own winter articles of clothing. 

You blinked and tried to keep your focus away from his face. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but he looked rather determined. His eyebrow sat in a furrow and he threw his hat onto the couch behind you. 

When he finished freeing himself, he gently cupped your face. You swallowed the lump in your throat as your eyes met him. He finally began to speak for once. 

“You lost a family member this time last year.” 

“So?” You hoarsely uttered, trying to keep the tears at bay. 

“It’s your first holiday season without them.” 

You pressed your lips together, desperate to keep the tears away. Decorating a grave isn’t nearly as fun as decorating the Christmas tree. Christmas lights lose their allure. Santa Claus sightings, Christmas cookies, and holiday songs can’t tune out the emptiness in your heart. No matter how many parties you go to, no matter how many presents you wrap, it’s never enough to heal your bleeding heart. 

The moment tears appeared in your eyes, he leaned forward and pressed soft lips to the center of your forehead. Your eyes shut, savoring the flicker of attention, and seeping in his silent love. He didn’t utter another word as he pulled you into his arms because he knew that you knew what he was saying. 

A strangled sob came out and his arms slipped beneath you. With snow encrusted snow boots, he took you to the nearby couch. He didn’t care that he sat on the mix of scarves, hats, and gloves. He rubbed your back as you let the holiday turmoil ooze out. 

Not every season was meant to be jolly. Not every holiday would be full of laughter and smiles. Sometimes the lower branches of the Christmas trees would be empty underneath and hold nothing. Sometimes the people you wished to celebrate the season with the most would disappear. 

Seungmin would hold you until the snow on your boots melted and soaked the carpet. He’d cling to you until the sobs stopped. He’d do this forever if you asked him to. He’d sit here until the next holiday season and do it all again. 

Maybe next year, you’d feel better, but until then, you were entirely his.  _ _ _

Jeongin:

“I hate the holidays. I hate this time of year. I hate people dressing like Santa. I hate red and green, they’re the worst colors.” 

“Okay, Ebenezer Scrooge, we get it, you don’t like Christmas.” 

You glared over at Jeongin, but he didn’t seem to see it. Instead, he continued to fold a piece of white construction paper. Your arms crossed over your chest and he continued. 

“I think the Grinch might have more love in his heart than you and that says a lot. For someone who tore down Christmas trees and stole Who Hash-” 

“I get it! I get it!” You threw your hands up in the air. “I’m the most miserable person to be around this time of year. I know!” 

His eyes widened, he sighed, and shook his head. “Well, you’re not going to ruin my Christmas cheer. I’m making snowflakes from construction paper because I actually like this holiday, unlike some people.” 

You stuck your tongue out at him and he pointed his scissors at you. There was a loud snip, but he didn’t dare try to injure you. The two of you were back to playfully being a pain in one another’s ass. 

“How the hell do you make snowflakes from construction paper?” 

“You fold the paper over and over and over and over again. I think you’re supposed to fold it in a certain way, but I just fold in whatever way I want to. I take these scissors-” He snipped them loudly a few times. “I cut snips into the paper and I open it back up.” 

He carefully unfolded the paper and once it was back to its normal shape, there were multiple slits to create an uneven snowflake. “Look at it! A snowflake! Ta-dah!” 

“Why does your snowflake have scoliosis?” 

“Hey!” He cried and he tugged the paper to his chest. “Be nice to my snowflake. Haven’t you heard that each snowflake is unique? Bully my snowflake again and I’ll give you scoliosis.” 

“You’re going to open up my spine, curve it, and stitch me back up?” 

He held up the scissors again. “If you don’t stop it, I’m gonna scissor you with these scissors.” 

Your cheeks sucked in as you tried not to laugh. Realizing what he just said, his eyes widened. “Hey, no! Stop it! Not like that! Ugh.” He tossed the scissors onto the kitchen table. “Let’s go back to the main topic. Why are you literally acting like this time of the year is the worst?” 

“Because it’s cold outside and I’m miserable, Jeongin! Look at my feet!” You pushed your fuzzy-sock feet up in the air and wiggled them. “Look at them! I have two pairs of socks on and I’m still freezing!” 

You got up to show off your hoodie and sweatpants combination. “Look at me!” You spun around and gestured to your clothes. “It’s the worst time of the year to celebrate when I’m freezing.” 

“I can’t go swimming or to the beach. If I try to go outside on a walk, I nearly freeze to death. Don’t get me started about the glasses I wear. Going from the freezing cold outside to the warm inside and then being unable to see from condensation, it’s the worst!” 

“Is that all you have in your defense?” 

“Yes, Jeongin!” 

“Wow.” 

“Santa Claus would find more joy in the depths of hell during this time of the year.” 

“Do you even know how hot hell is?” 

“Hot enough that I wouldn’t be freezing my sweet cheeks off, catholic boy!” 

He shoved a hand over his mouth and turned away, trying not to laugh. You scoffed and shook your head. “Laugh all you want, but when I turn into an icicle in this household, it won’t be funny then.” 

“The heat is on.” 

“And I’m ten degrees away from turning into a freezing cold corpse.” 

“I forgot how sensitive you are to the cold.” 

“Oh, you have no idea. Grocery shopping and entering the cooler and freezer section is the worst. It doesn’t matter if I have on a hoodie and a coat. Once I’m cold, I’m chilled to the bone and it ruins my day. I’m cold for the entire day and can’t get warm.” 

He reached down and began to fold a paper. You settled back down on the couch after yanking the decorative blanket off the back end. You took your time tucking yourself in and leaned back. Your hands ran down the velvet and you sighed softly. “This is so much better.” 

“You big baby.” 

“Frozen corpse.” 

He playfully rolled his eyes, stood up, and began to head towards you. Without asking, he leaned over and wormed his way on top of you. The moment he appeared, more warmth flooded your body. 

“I’ve been blessed by Jesus himself this holiday season.” You basked in the relief as you shifted to get comfy. “Merry Christmas to me, you’re not allowed to leave.” 

“Who says?” 

“If you go anywhere, you’re getting a lump of coal for Christmas.” 

“A harsh price to pay. I guess I should just be lucky that some part of me loves you. Thankfully, my catholicism blessed me with patience and gratefulness.” 

You shot him an unamused glare. He responded with a dimple-showing grin. As much as he was annoying sometimes, you still loved him. When you shut your eyes, he shifted and placed his head against your chest. 

The craft snowflakes would be there later, but if he didn’t warm you up now, he was secretly worried your heart would freeze over, just to spite him.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

Ko-fi

[ladykailitha]

The Au Pair Boy Part 9

Hey guys! Only one chapter of this one this week, I promise. But it's the chapter. The best chapter.

Eddie comes home! And Steve gets help in the kitchen.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8

~

Eddie insisted on having a cook come in and make dinner three times a week. That included Steve’s day off, so he would be cooking for most of their meals but that he would have help on those three days.

Steve disregarded professional chefs right off the bat. Eddie didn’t need to pay some big named star to make mediocre food for the girls. And would have stuck to that if the best candidate wasn’t a French Culinary school graduate with having owned two Michelin star restaurants.

His name was Benny Hammond and he was retired. He just wanted something fun to do in his spare time. Steve talked about what the girls liked, what recipes he had and when Eddie would be home.

“I haven’t cooked for kids in ages,” he said with a grin. “That sounds like a fun challenge. Count me in!”

Just after one week with Benny making all the meals, Eddie cackled an ‘I told you so!’ on his evening call with the girls.

“I didn’t realize how much energy all the cooking was taking until I had a day without doing it,” Steve whined.

“He made us grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup,” Joan said brightly. “It was nummy, Daddy.”

“And the soup didn’t even come in a can!” Janice crowed. “Not even the tomatoes.”

“It was better than how I make it,” Steve grumbled into Joan’s hair.

But Eddie caught it anyway. “Sounds like someone was right. So what do we say, Stevie?”

Steve wanted to pout but that would set a really bad example for the girls so he straightened up and sighed. “Thank you Eddie. Benny was the final piece of the puzzle we all needed to for a well run household.”

“Good!” Eddie said brightly. “I have some news. It’s bad news for the band, but good news for everyone else.”

Both girls perked up and started talking over each other as they tried to guess what it was.

“Joanie! Janie!” Eddie barked from the tablet Steve was holding. “If you’ll let me talk, I’ll be able to tell you.” Once both girls had settled, Eddie cleared his throat. “Thanks to a major hurricane, the last two shows have been combined into one big fundraiser for the towns devastated by the storm.”

“I heard about that on the news,” Steve said with a nod. “I’m sorry the tour has to wrap up early, though. I know you were really looking forward to playing in Ashville.”

“It is what it is,” Eddie said resigned. “But all proceeds will go to disaster relief so some good will come out of it.”

“Well, that’s good,” Steve murmured. “I’ve got to get these little munchkin to their bath, but I guess we’ll see you on Saturday.”

“So you will,” Eddie replied warmly. “Good night, girlies!”

“Night, Daddy!” Janice and Joan chorused. Then they clambered off Steve’s lap and tore off for their bedroom.

Steve turned off the app and laid the tablet down with a sigh. It was a good thing that Eddie was coming home. He just felt conflicted about how soon it was now. He thought he would have more to get his emotions under control.

~

Janice and Joan wanted to dress up really nice for their dad so Steve helped them pick out their outfits.

Janice had completely surprised Steve when she pulled out a pretty plaid skirt and a white blouse. She was such a tomboy most of the time, that he wasn’t even aware she had skirts and dresses in her closet.

Joan wore a matching plaid jumper dress with a similar style in blouse. They even had matching black Mary Jane shoes.

Steve had never seen them look more like twins in the whole time he had known them. They even asked him for matching French braid pigtails.

Janice and Joan sat in front of the window, anxiously waiting for the Uber that would be dropping their dad off so they could see him in person for the first time in months. Steve had originally tried to distract them from the ever present ticking clock, but gave up about an hour in.

They were just too keyed up.

Then an unknown silver SUV pulled up to the house and out Eddie popped. The girls started screaming and jumping up and down.

“Girls go get your signs!” Steve said brightly and they ran off to grab the signs they had made yesterday.

The door opened to a very bedraggled Eddie and the second he saw his girls with matching outfits and cute little signs saying Welcome Home, he dropped to his knees. He threw open his arms and both girls dogpiled him.

There were tears flowing down all three of their faces. Eddie picked them both up and walked toward the sofa, then he carefully lowered himself onto its surface.

Steve just smiled and walked away.

He made his way to the kitchen where Benny was slaving away at marvelous homecoming meal. Steve leaned up against the doorway and watched as the large chef chopped away at some vegetables. His skill was always fun to watch.

“I thought I told you that you weren’t allowed in the kitchen when I work,” Benny said without turning around.

Steve huffed out a breathy laugh. “I’m following your rule, you grumpy old man. I’m not in the kitchen.”

Benny turned around and sniffed. “Close enough.” He looked up at the clock. “Shouldn’t the master of the house be home by now.” He waved to a bar stool for Steve to take a seat.

“He’s here,” Steve said, sitting down. “But I don’t know him well enough to know if he’s the kind of man that likes crying in front of other adults. Especially ones he doesn’t know well.”

Benny stopped for a moment and then nodded, going back to his chopping. “That’s fair. You’re like me, when things get too emotional, we come to kitchen to work out those emotions.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, nodding back. “I love having you here. It makes taking care of the girls so much easier...”

“But sometimes you wish that you can just come into the kitchen and make something?” Benny finished. “Next time you feel that way, let me know and I’ll teach you a technique or a new recipe, all right?”

“Thanks, Benny.”

After a few minutes of contented silence Benny spoke, “You should probably go check on them and makes sure they’re alive enough to eat my dinner.”

Steve laughed, slapping a hand the counter and getting up. “You got it.”

He wandered back to the front room but no one was there. Steve frowned and went to Eddie’s office, but they weren’t there either. He put his hands on his hips and pursed his lips. Where could they have gone?

He tapped his lips thoughtfully and the darted up the stairs, taking them at two at a time. He reached the top in no time at all and sure enough he could hear giggling. With a sigh of relief he walked to the girls’ room and pushed open the partially closed door.

Joan had decorated Eddie’s hair with ribbons while Janice read “Opposites” to him in a very serious tone.

Steve couldn’t hold back the bark of laughter when he saw the absolutely besotted expression on Eddie’s face.

Eddie looked up in shock and then when he saw who it was, he grinned. “Do I look pretty?”

“The prettiest,” Steve confirmed, moving further into the room. “Benny sent me in search of everyone because dinner is almost ready.”

Eddie’s face really lit up. “Ooh. He asked me what my favorite dish was and is making it for me. I’m really excited to see what a Michelin chef can do with poor people food.”

The girls both made faces and Steve gave them a look. “Remember when you went to Maria’s birthday party and the cake was carrot and you didn’t like it?”

Both girls nodded and Eddie looked suddenly interested in the new lesson they learned. “What’s this?” he asked gleefully.

“When it’s someone else’s day,” Joan said, “they can have whatever they want for their party.” She scuffed her shoe on the carpet. “So since it’s Daddy’s homecoming day, he can have whatever he wants.”

Eddie cackled in satisfaction. “Yes, girls that is a very important lesson to learn. It’s hardly my fault you inherited your Papa’s palate. I like it and so we are going to have it for dinner.”

“I’ve seen it,” Steve said, barely concealing a smile. “It looks fantastic. I can’t wait to try it.” He bent down to the girls’ level. “Remember the three bite rule. You take three regular sized bites and if you don’t like it, you can have something else.”

Joan nodded solemnly but Janice’s face as twisted up in distaste. Steve just shook his head. “Go wash your hands, girls and then join us at the dinner table.”

Both girls were off with a flash and Steve held out his hand to help Eddie to his feet. Once on his feet Eddie flashed him a broad smile that really showed off those dimples. He looked...cute.

Just then the door to the girls’ bathroom burst open and Steve dropped Eddie’s hand. Not quick or harsh. Just a simple act of letting go.

“I’ll race you to the table!” Eddie crowed, ducking around Steve.

Both girls squealed in delight and they were off like a shot, tearing down the stairs like a herd of elephants being told that it was peanut time.

Steve followed more slowly behind just soaking up how happy the girls were that their dad was home at last. The trip had clearly done Eddie good. He had color in his cheeks and his shoulders were no longer up around his ears, like dog expecting to be hit. Time away from the girls really helped him out.

“Come sit by me!” Joan cried when he entered the dinning room. She patted the spot between her and across from Eddie.

Eddie lit up at that and grinned at Steve. “Looks like you’re stuck with us now, Stevie boy! Once Joanie’s got her hooks in ya, you can’t leave.”

Steve smiled and shook his head fondly. “That would imply that I would want to leave in the first place.” He bopped Joan’s nose and she giggled. “And that would never happen ever!”

Just then Benny came in hold a large casserole dish. It had tatter tots covered with cheese and it just smelled heavenly. Benny set it on the table and began serving them. Inside was fresh peas and carrots and shredded beef in a mushroom sauce, gently seasoned with herbs and spices. Steve couldn’t wait to dig in.

Eddie was served first and he bit into that first bite. The moan of pleasure that escaped his lips, caused Steve’s eyes to roll back and flutter shut as he tried to think of very gross things to keep his embarrassing erection to a minimum.

“Benny!” Eddie cried. “This is amazing! You really out did yourself.” He grabbed the spoon from the dish and brandished it at Steve and the twins. “Mine! All for me!”

Steve laughed and then took a bite of his own and his eyes snapped up. “Sorry girls, but it appears I’m going to have duel your dad for the rest of this casserole.”

“Betrayed!” Eddie said, clutching the spoon to him. Suddenly he got a wicked gleam in his eye and he licked the spoon.

“Ewww...” Janice crowed.

“Gross!” Joan agreed.

Steve just shook his head and turned back to his meal. He wasn’t going to do something in front of the girls, because it would be the wrong lesson to teach, but he was highly tempted to grab the spoon and lick another stripe right next to Eddie’s. But for now he would bide his time.

The two girls managed to eat about half before declaring they wanted something else. So Benny took them into the kitchen to fix them something they would eat.

Steve leaned over and whispered, “Jokes on you, I’m a nanny, a little spit won’t deter me from what I want.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide and he shoved his hair in front of his face to hide his blush as Steve helped himself to another spoonful of the casserole.

Steve ate in smug silence as Eddie took a moment to come back online. He cleared his throat a couple of times but didn’t dare speak.

Once Steve had eaten his fill, he picked up the girls’ dishes and piled them on his plate. He stood up but before turning away to take the dishes into the kitchen, he said softly. “I’m glad you’re home too.”

Eddie looked up at him in awe and nodded. “It’s good to be home, Stevie. It’s so good to be home.”

Steve smiled and walked away.

~

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog @tartarusknight @gregre369

2- ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @cryptid-system @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi

3- @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch

4- @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @ollieolive @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1

5- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

6- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

7- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

8- @sadisticaltarts @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @dolphincliffs @steddie-as-they-go @steddieislife

9- @kultiras @morallyundefined @themoonagainstmers @fearieshadow @blondie1006

10- @thesecondfate @wheneverfeasible @depressed-freak13 @genderless-spoon @yesdangerpls

[shitsndgiggs]

Hey there is this one fic where you did kenan going through our text messages can you do one where we are going through his text messages

Ty🐧

TABLES TURNED - KENAN YILDIZ

You reacting to Kenan’s DMs

Kenan Yildiz x fem! reader

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, the kind where you stay in pajamas and lounge around with no particular plans.

Kenan and I were sprawled on the couch, his head resting on my lap as I absentmindedly ran my fingers through his hair.

I had my phone in one hand, scrolling aimlessly, when I suddenly remembered the TikTok trend that Kenan and I had done the other day—where he read through my DMs and reacted to the chaos in them.

The memory of his over-the-top reactions, dramatic sighs, and occasional bouts of jealousy still made me laugh.

“What’re you laughing at?” Kenan asked, tilting his head up to look at me, his brown eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“Oh, nothing,” I replied, grinning mischievously. “Just thinking about how hilarious you were during the DM thing.”

Kenan groaned. “Don’t remind me. Your DMs were a lot.”

“Exactly,” I said, poking his cheek. “And now it’s your turn.”

His eyes widened. “Wait—what?”

“You heard me,” I said, grabbing his phone from the coffee table before he could react. “We’re doing ‘My Girlfriend Reacts to My DMs.’”

Kenan shot up from my lap, attempting to snatch the phone back, but I dodged him, clutching it like my life depended on it. “Oh, no you don’t!” I teased. “You had your fun with my DMs—this is payback.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, trying to sound casual, but I caught the nervous edge in his voice.

“Kenan,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “What are you hiding?”

“Nothing!” he said quickly. Too quickly. “But you know how people can be in there… It’s not worth your time!”

“Oh, it’s definitely worth my time,” I shot back, unlocking his phone. “Now let’s see what we’ve got here.”

I started scrolling through his Instagram DMs while he sat next to me, shifting uncomfortably.

The first few messages were harmless—just fans expressing their admiration for his game or wishing him luck.

“Aw, this one’s sweet,” I said, showing him a message from a little kid asking for advice on how to become a football player. “See? This isn’t so bad.”

Kenan relaxed a bit. “Yeah, those are fine. That’s most of them, honestly.”

“Hmm, let’s see about that.” I scrolled further, and that’s when the real fun began.

“You’re so fine. If you ever need a rebound, hit me up. I’d take care of you better than your girl ever could.”

I read it aloud, my voice dripping with mock sweetness. “Oh, really? ‘Better than your girl ever could,’ huh?”

Kenan’s jaw dropped. “Who even says that?! Delete it. Block her. I don’t know her!”

I raised an eyebrow. “Should I be worried?”

“No! Absolutely not,” he said, looking genuinely distressed. “She’s delusional. You know that.”

Next DM: “I have dreams about you, Kenan. Just one night is all I’d need.”

I choked on a laugh. “What do you even say to this?”

“I don’t say anything!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “I don’t even open them!”

“Sure, Mr. Modesty,” I teased. “I bet you love the attention.”

“Only from you,” he said, trying to butter me up.

Another one: A voice memo. I played it, and an overly dramatic voice purred, “Hey, Kenan. Just saw your game… You looked so hot out there. Maybe we could celebrate your win sometime? My treat.”

I looked at him with a mock-serious expression. “So… do you take her up on the offer, or…?”

Kenan groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Y/N, stop. This is so embarrassing.”

“No way,” I said, grinning. “This is amazing.”

Then came the kicker: A series of messages from someone who had clearly been trying to shoot her shot for months. Each one was thirstier than the last.

The most recent read: “If you ever get tired of your girlfriend, just know I’m waiting for my chance. I’d treat you like the king you are, baby.”

I dramatically gasped. “Kenan, how could you not reply to such a devoted admirer?”

“I didn’t ask for any of this!” he defended himself. “You know I only care about you.”

I leaned in close, pretending to scrutinize him. “Hmm. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

By the time I finished going through the DMs, Kenan looked like he’d been through the wringer.

His face was flushed, his hands in his hair, and he kept muttering about how unfair this was.

“Relax,” I said, setting his phone down. “It’s all in good fun.”

“For you, maybe,” he grumbled, but I could see the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

“You survived,” I teased, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “And now I know you’re not secretly entertaining your fan club.”

“You didn’t have to do all that to know that,” he said softly, wrapping an arm around me. “You’re the only one I want, Y/N. Always.”

I couldn’t help but smile, my heart melting a little at his sincerity. “Good. Because I’m not sharing you with anyone.”

“Same goes for me,” he said, pulling me closer.

“But just so you know… I’m never letting you go through my DMs again.”

“Deal,” I said, laughing. “But only because I already got the content I needed.”

“You’re impossible,” Kenan muttered, but his grin gave him away as he kissed me.

[rachdalysworld]

Content note: This piece contains themes of emotional vulnerability, anxiety, and the creation of a safe space within a loving relationship. The narrative focuses on a tender and supportive bond between two characters, Leah and Y/N, as they navigate moments of overwhelm and the importance of feeling secure.

⬅️Last part | Next part➡️

“Part 3 — Safe heaven”

The first few times it happened, Leah had always been the one to find the space. A quiet corner at a restaurant, the privacy of the car, even the back hallway of a stadium once. Each time, Leah had dropped everything to make sure Y/N felt safe, supported, and loved.

But it had been on Leah’s mind lately: How could she make it easier for Y/N? How could she create a space where Y/N wouldn’t have to spiral into shame or anxiety? A space that felt like theirs, always available whenever Y/N needed it.

That thought brought her to the present moment.

The Idea

It was a calm Sunday afternoon. Y/N sat on the couch, her legs tucked beneath her as she scrolled through her phone. Leah had been hovering nearby, her mind buzzing with thoughts of how to bring up her idea.

Finally, Leah sat down beside Y/N, her knee brushing gently against hers. “Hey,” she started, her tone casual but her intent clear.

Y/N glanced up, her brows lifting. “Hey,” she said, setting her phone down. “What’s up?”

Leah hesitated, then took Y/N’s hand, threading their fingers together. “I’ve been thinking about something,” she admitted, her thumb rubbing slow circles over Y/N’s knuckles.

Y/N tilted her head, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “Okay. What is it?”

Leah took a breath, meeting Y/N’s eyes. “I was thinking… maybe we could set up a space here. At home. For when you’re feeling overwhelmed or… when you need me.”

Y/N’s cheeks flushed instantly, and she looked down at their joined hands. “Leah…”

“I’m serious,” Leah said gently, squeezing her hand. “I want you to have a place where you feel completely safe. No pressure, no shame—just us. Whenever you need it.”

Y/N bit her lip, her heart fluttering at Leah’s words. “You’d really do that? For me?”

Leah smiled softly. “I’d do anything for you,” she said simply.

They spent the rest of the afternoon working together to create their safe space. Leah suggested a corner of the bedroom, tucked away and quiet. They rearranged a few things, adding a soft chair, a warm throw blanket, and a small shelf for whatever made Y/N feel most at ease.

Y/N watched as Leah carefully folded the blanket, placing it over the arm of the chair. Her chest ached with love and gratitude.

“Leah,” she said softly, her voice trembling.

Leah turned, concern flashing across her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Y/N said quickly, shaking her head. “I just… I don’t know how to thank you for this. For everything.”

Leah stepped closer, her hands finding Y/N’s shoulders. “You don’t have to thank me,” she said firmly. “This is what love looks like. Supporting each other. Being there for each other. You deserve this, Y/N.”

Y/N’s eyes filled with tears, and she threw her arms around Leah, holding her tightly.

That evening, Y/N found herself curled up in the new chair, Leah sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of her. They had spent the evening talking and laughing, but now a comfortable silence had settled between them.

Y/N was fiddling with the edge of the blanket, her thoughts drifting. The space Leah had created felt perfect—calm, safe, hers.

Leah reached out, resting a hand lightly on Y/N’s knee. “You look like you’re thinking about something,” she said, her voice low and warm.

Y/N hesitated, her cheeks flushing. “I was just… I was wondering if maybe…”

Leah tilted her head, waiting patiently.

Y/N took a shaky breath. “Could we try? You know. Here?”

Leah’s heart softened at the shy, vulnerable way Y/N spoke. She nodded, standing up and sitting beside Y/N in the chair. “Of course we can,” she said softly.

Leah raised from the floor to sit on the new rocking chair. Y/N layed on top of Leah, leaning into her side, her fingers clutching at her shirt. Leah wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close.

“You’re safe,” Leah murmured, brushing a kiss against her hair. Slowly, she lifted her shirt and pulled her bra down slightly, just enough to reassure Y/N. “Whenever you’re ready, love.”

Y/N hesitated for a moment, but Leah’s steady presence gave her the courage she needed. She latched on, her breath shaky as the tension in her body began to melt away.

Leah held her close, her other hand gently rubbing Y/N’s back. “You’re doing so well,” she whispered. “I’m so proud of you.”

Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut, her breathing evening out as the overwhelming calmness of the moment settled over her.

Leah stayed still for as long as Y/N needed, her heart full as she watched the anxiety leave her love’s face. When Y/N finally pulled back, her cheeks were pink, but her smile was soft and genuine.

“Thank you,” Y/N murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.

Leah cupped her cheek, her thumb brushing gently over her skin. “You never have to thank me for this,” she said, kissing her forehead. “You’re my priority, Y/N. Always.”

As the evening turned into night, they curled up together in bed, Y/N still resting against Leah’s chest.

Leah kissed her temple, her voice a soft promise in the dark. “You’re safe here. Always.”

And this time, Y/N believed her completely.

A/N:hello! guys! i’ve deleted part 6 and i’ve found no way to get it back😭 anyways i hope you enjoy part 3! i like the idea of having a rocking chair in your own room for any purpose really, reading, relaxing, or anything! also i tried to find the most accurate shelf for the picture but just imagine it as you’d like it to be. Anyways i’m on christmas break so… i’ll be posting more often! I HOPE Y’ALL HAVE AN AWESOME CHRISTMAS! BIG LOVE, THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE❤️

[qwertyprophecy]

Mortholme Post-Mortem

The Dark Queen of Mortholme has been out for two weeks, and I've just been given an excellent excuse to write some more about its creation by a lenghty anonymous ask.

Under the cut, hindsight on the year spent making Mortholme and answers to questions about game dev, grouped under the following topics:

Time spent on development Programming Obstacles Godot Animation Pixel art Environment assets Writing Completion Release

Regarding time spent on development

Nope, I’ve got no idea anymore how long I spent on Mortholme. It took a year but during that time I worked on like two other games and whatever else. And although I started with the art, I worked on all parts simultaneously to avoid getting bored. This is what I can say:

Art took a ridiculous amount of time, but that was by choice (or compulsion, one might say). I get very excitable and particular about it. At most I was making about one or two Hero animations in a day (for a total of 8 + upgraded versions), but anything involving the Queen took multiple times longer. When I made the excecutive decision that her final form was going to have a bazillion tentacles I gave up on scheduling altogether.

Coding went quickly at the start when I was knocking out a feature after another, until it became the ultimate slow-burn hurdle at the end. Testing, bugfixing, and playing Jenga with increasingly unwieldy code kept oozing from one week to the next. For months, probably? My memory’s shot but I have a mark on my calendar on the 18th of August that says “Mortholme done”. Must’ve been some optimistic deadline before the ooze.

Writing happened in extremely productive week-long bursts followed by nothing but nitpicky editing while I focused on other stuff. Winner in the “changed most often” category, for sure.

Sound was straightforward, after finishing a new set of animations I spent a day or two to record and edit SFX for them. Music I originally scheduled two weeks for, but hubris and desire for more variants bumped it to like a month.

Regarding programming

The Hero AI is certainly the part that I spent most of my coding time on. The basic way the guaranteed dodging works is that all the Queen’s attacks send a signal to the Hero, who calculates a “danger zone” based on the type of attack and the Queen’s location. Then, if the Hero is able to dodge that particular attack (a probability based on how much it's been used & story progression), they run a function to dodge it.

Each attack has its own algorithm that produces the best safe target position to go to based on the Hero’s current position (and other necessary actions like jumping). Those algorithms needed a whole lot of testing to code counters for all the scenarios that might trip the Hero up.

The easiest or at least most fun parts for me to code are the extra bells and whistles that aren’t critical but add flair. Like in the Hero’s case, the little touches that make them seem more human: a reaction speed delay that increases over time, random motions and overcompensation that decrease as they gain focus, late-game Hero taking prioritising aggressive positiniong, a “wait for last second” function that lets the Hero calculate how long it’ll take them to move to safety and use the information to squeeze an extra attack in…

The hardest attack was the magic circle, as it introduced a problem in my code so far. The second flare can overlap with other attacks, meaning the Hero had to keep track of two danger zones at once. For a brief time I wanted to create a whole new system that would constantly update a map of all current danger zones—that would allow for any number of overlapping attacks, which would be really cool! Unfortunately it didn’t gel with my existing code, and I couldn’t figure out its multitudes of problems since, well…

Regarding obstacles

Thing is, I’m hot garbage as a programmer. My game dev’s all self-taught nonsense. So after a week of failing to get this cool system to work, I scrapped it and instead made a spaghetti code monstrosity that made magic circle run on a separate danger zone, and decided I’d make no more overlapping attacks. That’s easy; I just had to buffer the timing of the animation locks so that the Hero would always have time to move away. (I still wanted to keep the magic circle, since it’s fun for the player to try and trick the Hero with it.)

There’s my least pretty yet practical solo dev advice: if you get stuck because you can’t do something, you can certainly try to learn how to do it, but occasionally the only way to finish a project within a decade to work around those parts and let them be a bit crap.

I’m happy to use design trickery, writing and art to cover for my coding skills. Like, despite the anonymous asker’s description, the Hero’s dodging is actually far from perfect. I knew there was no way it was ever going to be, which is why I wrote special dialogue to account for a player finding an exploit that breaks the intended gameplay. (And indeed, when the game was launched, someone immediately found it!)

Regarding Godot

It’s lovely! I switched from Unity years ago and it’s so much simpler and more considerate of 2D games. The way its node system emphasises modularity has improved my coding a lot.

New users should be aware that a lot of tutorials and advice you find online may be for Godot 3. If something doesn’t work, search for what the Godot 4 equivalent is.

Regarding animation

I’m a professional animator, so my list of tips and techniques is a tad long… I’ll just give a few resource recommendations: read up on the classic 12 principles of animation (or the The Illusion of Life, if you’d like the whole book) and test each out for yourself. Not every animation needs all of these principles, but basically every time you’ll be looking at an animation and wondering how to make it better, the answer will be in paying attention to one or more of them.

Game animation is its own beast, and different genres have their own needs. I’d recommend studying animations that do what you’d like to do, frame by frame. If you’re unsure of how exactly to analyse animation for its techniques, youtube channel New Frame Plus shows an excellent example.

Oh, and film yourself some references! The Queen demanded so much pretend mace swinging that it broke my hoover.

Regarding pixel art

The pixel art style was picked for two reasons: 1. to evoke a retro game feel to emphasise the meta nature of the narrative, and 2. because it’s faster and more forgiving to animate in than any of my other options.

At the very start I was into the idea of doing a painterly style—Hollow Knight was my first soulslike—but quickly realised that I’d either have to spend hundreds of hours animating the characters, or design them in a simplistic way that I deemed too cutesy for this particular game. (Hollow Knight style, one day I’d love to emulate you…)

I don’t use a dedicated program, just Photoshop for everything like a chump. Pixel art doesn’t need anything fancy, although I’m sure specialist programs will keep it nice and simple.

Pixel art’s funny; its limitations make it dependent on symbolism, shortcuts and viewer interpretation. You could search for some tutorials on basic principles (like avoiding “jaggies” or the importance of contrast), but ultimately you’ll simply want to get a start in it to find your own confidence in it. I began dabbling years ago by asking for character requests on Tumblr and doodling them in pixels in whatever way I could think of.

Regarding environment assets

The Queen’s throne room consists of two main sprites—one background and one separate bit of the door for the Hero disappear behind—and then about fifty more for the lighting setup. There’s six different candle animations, there’s lines on the floor that need to go on top of character reflections, all the candle circles and lit objects are separated so that the candles can be extinguished asynchronously; and then there’s purple phase 2 versions of all of the above.

This is all rather dumb. There’s simpler ways in Godot to do 2D lighting with shaders and a built-in system (I use those too), but I wanted control over the exact colours so I just drew everything in Photoshop the way I wanted it. Still, it highlights how mostly you only need a single background asset and separated foreground objects; except if you need animated objects or stuff that needs to change while the game’s running, you’ll get a whole bunch more.

I wholeheartedly applaud having a go at making your own game art, even if you don’t have any art background! The potential for cohesion in all aspects of design—art, game, narrative, sound—is at the heart of why video games are such an exciting medium!

Regarding writing

Finding the voices of the Queen and the Hero was the quick part of the process. They figured that out they are almost as soon as writing started. I’d been mulling this game over in my mind for so long, I had already a specific idea in mind of what the two of them stood for, conceptually and thematically. When they started bantering, I felt like all I really had to do was to guide it along the storyline, and then polish.

What ended up taking so long was that there was too much for them to say for how short the game needed to be to not feel overstretched. Since I’d decided to go with two dialogue options on my linear story, it at least gave me twice the amount of dialogue that I got to write, but it wasn’t enough!

The first large-scale rewrite was me going over the first draft and squeezing in more interesting things for the Queen and the Hero to discuss, more branching paths and booleans. There was this whole thing where the player’s their dialogue choices over multiple conversations would lead them to about four alternate interpretations of why the Queen is the way she is. This was around the time I happened to finally play Disco Elysium, so of course I also decided to also add a ton of microreactivity (ie. small changes in dialogue that acknowledge earlier player choices) to cram in even more alternate dialogue. I spent ages tinkering with the exact nuances till I was real proud of it.

Right until the playtesters of this convoluted contraption found the story to be unclear and confusing. For some reason. So for my final rewrite, I picked out my favourite bits and cut everything else. With the extra branching gone, there was more room to improve the pacing so the core of the story could breathe. The microreactivity got to stay, at least!

A sample of old dialogue from the overcomplicated version:

Regarding completion

The question was “what kept me going to actually finish the game, since that is a point many games never even get to meet?” and it’s a great one because I forgot that’s a thing. Difficulties finishing projects, that is—I used to think it was hard, but not for many years. Maybe I’ve completed so many small-scale games already that it hardly seems that unreasonable of an expectation? (Game jams. You should do game jams.)

I honestly never had any doubt I was going to finish Mortholme. When I started in late autumn last year, I was honestly expecting the concept to be too clunky to properly function; but I wished to indulge in silliness and make it exist anyways. That vision would’ve been easy to finish, a month or two of low stakes messing around, no biggie. (Like a game jam!)

Those months ran out quickly as I had too much fun making the art to stop. It must’ve been around the time I made this recording that it occurred to me that even if the game was going to be clunky, it could still genuinely work on the back of good enough storytelling technique—not just writing, but also the animation and the Hero’s evolving behaviour during the gameplay segments which I’d been worried about. The reaction to my early blogging was also heartening. Other people could also imagine how this narrative could be interesting!

A few weeks after that I started planning out the narrative beats I wanted the dialogue to reach, and came to the conclusion that I really, really wanted it to work. Other people had to see this shit, I thought. There’s got to be freaks out there who’d love to experience this tragedy, and I’m eager to deliver.

That’s why I was fine with the project’s timeline stretching out. If attention to detail and artistry was going to make this weird little story actually come to life, then great, because that’s exactly the part of development I love doing most. Projects taking longer than expected can be frustrating, but accepting that as a common part of game dev is what allows confidence in eventual their completion regardless.

Regarding release

Dear anonymous’s questions didn’t involve post-release concerns, but it seems fitting to wrap up the post-mortem by talking about the two things about Mortholme's launch that were firsts for me, and thus I was unprepared for.

1. This was the first action game I've coded. Well, sort of—I consider Mortholme to be a story first and foremost, with gameplay so purposefully obnoxious it benefits from not being thought of as a “normal” game. Still, the action elements are there. For someone who usually sticks to making puzzle games since they’re easier to code, this was my most mechanically fragile game yet. So despite all my attempts at playtesting and failsafes, it had a whole bunch of bugs on release.

Game-breaking bugs, really obvious bugs, weird and confusing bugs. It took me over a week to fix all that was reported (and I’m only hoping they indeed are fully fixed). That feels slow; I should’ve expected it was going to break so I could’ve been faster to respond. Ah well, next time I know what I’ll be booking my post-release week for.

2. This was my first game that I let players give me money for. Sure, it’s pay-what-you-want, but for someone as allergic to business decisions as I am, it was a big step. I guess I was worried of being shown that nobody would consider my art worth financial compensation. Well, uh, that fear has gone out of the window now. I’m blown away by how kind and generous the players of Mortholme have been with their donations.

I can’t imagine it's likely to earn a living wage from pouring hundreds of hours into pay-what-you-want passion projects, but the support has me heartened to seek out a future where I could make these weird stories and a living both.

Those were the unexpected parts. The part I must admit I was expecting—but still infinitely grateful for—was that Mortholme did in fact reach them freaks who’d find it interesting. The responses, comments, analyses, fan works (there’s fic and art!! the dream!!), inspiration, and questions (like the ones prompting me to write this post-mortem) people have shared with me thanks to Mortholme… They’ve all truly been what I was hoping for back when I first gave myself emotions thinking about a mean megalomaniac and stubborn dipshit.

Thank you for reading, thank you for playing, and thank you for being around.

[alovelyfrenchworld]

Your Neighborly Orc Part 3

Gûruk carrying you home stayed in your mind for the rest of the day.

Sore from your fall, you decided a hot bath would be best. You were going to have to face the unfortunate consequences on your clumsiness.

It really had to be when someone could see, didn't it?

Boiling some water in a cauldron over the fire, you prepped everything you would need. Scrambling through your cabinet in the bathroom, you decided on a rosehip oil and some dried lavender to add to your bath for maximum comfort. Your drying cloth was hanging over the edge of the tub, scented with rose soap.

Your aching, bruising muscles were dying to get into a tub of comfort.

The boiling water was dumped into the wooden tub and you watched as the steam overtook your quaint bathroom. The rosehip oil and dried lavdender petals added a calming aroma.

The water burned for a moment as you got in, but it quickly turned into an embracing warmth that allowed you to relieve the tension you had felt.

Quickly, your weariness caught up to you and you dozed off in the comforting embrace of the warm, aromatic water. But, in your half-conscious state, you were startled by sudden noises outside. Your cat trilled outside the bathroom door, the horse gave a short neigh, and the chickens bawked. Concerned by the uproar, you quickly got out of the tub and threw on a shift and a robe.

You walked towards the noise, opening your front door fervently. What you did not expect was to be greeted by Gûruk standing on your porch, hammer in hand.

"Oh!" you exclaimed.

Realizing your fear, Gûruk immediately began to apologize.

"I am so sorry for frightening you. I just -" he paused, a small blush creeping across his lips as he got quieter. "Wanted to help..."

He gestured over to the front of your stables where your repaired wagon sat. No more broken wheel. And sitting on the porch was a stack of firewood that almost reached the ceiling of the awning.

"After your fall," Gûruk cleared his throat harshly before continuing. "I was worried about your provisions. Then I saw some things were broken and I didn't want you to further your injuries if you decided to, you know, fix anything."

The orc was clearly frazzled. It was and a bit unsettling that he had come by presumably and unannounced, but you could tell that there was no ill intent.

"Thank you, Gûruk." you gave him a soft smile.

He glanced at your more compromised state and wet hair, clearly noting you were fresh from a bath.

"Gods, forgive me!" He turned away quickly, moving his gaze towards his feet. "I did not mean to put you in an unladylike position."

You looked down at your attire and shrugged.

"Hardly anything ladylike about me. Besides, it is I who came out upon my own free will. You have not put in any position that I have consented to." Hoping to ease his embarassment, you placed a gentle hand on his very muscular forearm.

The contact sent a chill down your spine, almost as if a spark was sent through your nervous system. Gûruk must have felt the same as he briefly tensed at the contact before relaxing into your hand.

"How can I thank you for your help? You've already done so much for me and I have yet to repay any favors." You asked, genuinely.

"I would ask nothing from you. I did what I did because I wanted to. Besides, you are injured. I highly doubt you came from that fall uninjured." He was worried. You hardly knew each other and yet this man, this orc, who most everyone would assume was a warmongering brute, was worried about you.

"Your words are kind, Gûruk, but please, let me do something in return. Supper, perhaps?" You gestured toward your front door, hinting at his possible staying.

"As are yours, Y/N, but I would not intrude on a lady's home." The rejection stung, but you understood. He had no obligation to accept.

"Again, I am no lady." You took a step closer to him, having to tilt your head up completely to make eye contact with him. His height was tremendous, at least 7 feet. "I am merely a woman. My status is low at best, but a lady I could never be."

"A woman to me is a lady. You would be deserving such a title." He made intense eye contact with you, but retracted quickly when he realized it. "I must be going, Y/N. My tribe will be needing me."

He walked down the steps of the porch, but turned his head back to speak. "I would very much like to sup with you."

You perked up quickly. You smiled at him hopefully. "Really?"

"Not tonight," he huffed. "But, I think I can make an exception tomorrow evening. I can make an excuse for my men to let me go for a few hours. Is there a time that works best for you?"

He was now completely facing you, giving you his full attention.

Shyly, you wondered, "When do orcs normally dine?"

Gûruk chuckled. "Whenever you would like."

He didn't quite smile, but his eyes seem to indicate that he wanted to. He was probably keeping up his strong facade you noticed he often uses. "7 o'clock, then. I'll make stew."

"7 it is then."

"Goodbye, Gûruk."

"Until tomorrow, Y/N."

With dinner plans settled, he walked off back into the woods towards his home. Until tomorrow.

Tags:

@yourlittlehoe

@lem-hhn

@apuddleonthelivingroomfloor

@blushycadaver