#but those were written by people with brains and understanding of the key points

[uncommonsunlight]

I think if you do this shit you should get the gist wrong and hopefully fail all your courses you're doing it in! I hope you get laughed at in front of the entire auditorium for reading out loud the shit your ai pal has made up. you deserve it!

fuck ALL the way off

what is HAPPENING

[goldenshrikecomic]

Hello, this is gonna be a long one and I hope I don't bother you too much with it but you have something great going and and I think maybe some advice for someone like me who wants to do a longer comic and I took heart in that one ask you recently answered were you said you are plenty of pages ahead of the readers to not get paralysed by a deadline which seems like a no-brainer now that I read that with my own two eyes black on white but I had not thought to maybe go about it that way and I needed to have someone spell it out for me apparently. So to my question.. see, I have a skeleton of a story I have key scenes that need to happen and that I want to happen and I am sure in between things will shift and change and grow and a part of me can't wait for it to happen but- How do you start. How do you get going. It is in my head I have some written notes but most is in my head and I do not want it to remain there and rot I want to draw and tell the story I had in mind but I feel.. paralysed on the starting line of this journey and I am unsure how to go from there because my mind gets caught up in estimates of if I post one page a week that is "only" 52 pages. That seems so little. How many years would it take. Can I do this. And then my mind fires up in passion because I am willing to commit I want to do this I need to do this and I have a good idea of how to pace myself and how to go about it. I have the beginning of it on the back of my tongue and the tip of my fingers I can imagine it so vividly I wish I could animate it (if that wouldn't take up even more time and be insane I would) But somehow I still feel stumped on how to start. How to get over this first hurdle. It might be the executional dysfunction playing a huge part in it, maybe I am overthinking to much and stand in my way because of it, but like... How did you start your comic. How did your journey on GS begin? I know this was a bit of word vomit I am sorry but you are an inspiration and you seem to go about things (from what I could gleam from the asks) in a way that feels like it could work for me too and the way my brain functions but I do not know how to start? I dunno if it makes sense I am no english native and my thoughts are hard to put into words.

This ask has been sitting in my inbox for a while because it's such a loaded question. I have plenty of asks in this tag about my comicing process, so check them out maybe. This reply got lengthy! The more I wrote the more I noticed I feel very inadequate trying to give people tips on making comics. It's such a trial and error process.

I've seen plenty of advice for people wanting to start out comics to just start small, come up with a smaller story to get a feel of it before you go big. And I absolutely understand it in hindsight because I would've done many things differently if I had just tried it out first, but it's not what I did. I wanted to make a big comic, and a big comic I made, as my first project.

I don't think about the years these things take, but it'd absolutely ease your worries if you could come up with a simple style and be able to make pages faster. I've stripped my comic of shading and gotten more lenient with myself when it comes to backgrounds. You absolutely need to cut some corners if you want to make more than one story during your lifetime. It's a limited time afterall! Being able to turn your sketch into a lineart without having to redo everything with a careful hand would help a lot already. And colors, they take a lot of time.

This is not how I went about it in the beginning, but I'd love to tell you to write those things in your head down before you start. Leave holes, just write in what you know because you will forget some cool details if you keep them in. Write the starting point, middle and the end, even with just couple of words. Add things that interest you in the middle of those points. Do you want a sad arc for your character at some point? Write it in. Come up with what makes it happen. Weave it into the other scenes. If you know what's to come, you can add foreshadowing to the earlier scenes. Even if you didn't know what would come, you can take something from earlier scenes and make it foreshadowing. Writing is a fluid process. You can jump around and add things, you don't have to approach it by putting one block next to the other. Once you have the elements you want, you just have to tie those things together. It's the hard part. And you will change your mind about many things when you get to draw your characters and see them doing the things you've written.

The start! I always say it's the worst part, but I've started to think it might be the second worst. I think the worst part comes after you've started and worked for several ten pages on fumes and you finally run out of juice. Picking up after that is hard, for me at least. But if you can manage, it should get easier. You know your characters better by now, and they carry some of their own weight.

Make a canvas. Think about the scene you want to start your comic with. Night or day? Calm or busy? Just doodle, BIG and loose. Add some frames by just drawing lines, move things around, resize. What do you want to portray with the first page of your comic? I like to establish some of the world or atmosphere, and only then move on to the characters.

Don't try to be perfect, in fact leave that first canvas completely unpolished and move on to the next one. What should this page tell? Will you show the character? I'd leave the establishing shot of them as the last big panel. The rest of the page should build up to it. The last panel is important, it's a hook to turn the page.

Come back to polish those pages more only after you have a few of them done. The most important thing is to get yourself away from that first page, because the first page is scary. After five pages you can move things around and start adding ears to your spheres. You've started a comic now. You can go back to the first page and make it nice, because you already have opened the path to continue.

IT'S HARD. But it's rewarding. It's not for everyone but it's awesome if you can make it yours.

[midnightsslut]

Since you’re so good at connecting songs (I’m still in awe about how you made me realize that atw and illicit affairs are about the same subject), what is your most big brain/audacious/out there theory/connection about Taylor’s songs?

first of all, thank you! i have to say, I’m not the first one to get the idea that there are parallels between those two songs, but I’d never really sat down with them line by line. this ask really got me wondering because i feel like there are a lot of parallels I can think of but idk how out there they are. here is one that i don’t see people talking about a lot:

coney island feels like the other perspective of the story in you’re losing me, especially when you consider that taylor asked matt berninger about writing songs that deal with their own relationship issues with his wife. of course, coney island and you’re losing me were written at different points in their relationship, but the sentiment appears to be the same.

this got long, so I’m putting a cut here.

first of all, here is how taylor described coney island in her evermore interview with zane lowe (around the 37-minute mark)

The perspective I was coming from was like a male perspective of regret or guilt after a lifetime of apattern of behavior, and i've been kind of touching on sort of things like that on the song tolerate it where there's this person one side of the relationship who's felt like they've just… Their partner's been there, but they haven't *been* there. They've been there, but they're just sitting next to each other, eating breakfast, but they haven't they haven't been there […] I really loved writing, ‘we were like the mall before the internet / it was the one place to be.’ I was trying to reflect on the coney island visual of a place where thrills were once sought, you know, a place where once it was all electricity and magic, and now the lights are out, and you're looking at it, thinking ‘what did I do?’

‘break my soul in two, looking for you, but you’re right here’ —> ‘you say “I don’t understand,” I say “I know you don’t”’

‘and if this is the long haul, how’d we get here so soon?’ —> ‘how long could we be a sad song before we’re too far gone to bring back to life?’

‘did I close my fist around something delicate? did I shatter you?’ —> ‘my face was gray, but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick.’

‘over and over, lost again with no surprises / disappointments, close your eyes / and it gets colder and colder when the sun goes down’ —> ‘i’m getting tired even for a phoenix / always rising from the ashes, mending all her gashes’

‘what’s a lifetime of achievement if I pushed you to the edge, but you were too polite to leave me?’ —> ‘fighting in only your army, frontlines, don’t you ignore me / I’m the best thing at this party’

‘do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?’ —> ‘and the air is thick with loss and indecision’

‘will you forgive my soul when you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?’ —> ‘now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time’

‘the mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams’ —> ‘remember looking at this room? we loved it cause of the light’

‘sorry for not winning you an arcade ring’ —> ‘choose something, babe, I got nothing to believe unless you’re choosing me’

‘did I leave you hanging every single day?’ —> ‘every morning, I glared at you with storms in my eyes’

‘did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray a universe away?’ —> ‘my face was gray, but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick’

‘and when I got into the accident, the sight that flashed before me was your face’ —> ‘now you’re running down the hallway / and you know what they all say / you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’

‘but when I walked up to the podium, i think that i forgot to say your name’ —> ‘don’t you ignore me, I’m the best thing at this party’

you’re losing me is key to the entirety of ttpd, really, so this gives us the ability to draw parallels to sooo many songs on the album. coney island is a goldmine actually. no wonder she’s mashed it up with so many songs on tour.

my next post will be connecting right where you left me and chloe et al whenever I get around to it (to be clear, I don’t think they’re about the same person).

[lizardperson]

something's missing

[on ao3]

fandom: original work rating: g wc: 627 prompt: #fff299 stranger than fiction for @flashfictionfridayofficial

---

One day you realize you don't have a shadow anymore. Which is, to say the least, somewhat unusual.

You're pretty sure you used to have one. In fact, you distinctly remember having one, sometime in the past. There were those funny little shadow plays you used to do with your grandma, making bunnies and wolves with your hands, telling stories.

But that was ages ago. Surely that wasn't the last time you saw your shadow.

You rack your brain, trying to come up with more recent moments when you might have observed your shadow, consciously. The problem with things that are supposedly always there is, they tend to blend into the background, and you are really good at tuning out the background.

But other people are usually more perceptive - surely, someone would have noticed if you had been shadow-less for some time, right? Now that you are aware of your state, it's really, really obvious.

Thing is, you don't go out much. You don't really talk to other people. Last actual human person you saw… Pizza guy! Monday! Which was a couple of days ago. And you doubt the underpaid kid bringing your food cared much about you, or if you had a shadow or not. Pretty sure he just handed you the box and grabbed the few bucks tip without even looking at you. Totally understandable, it's not like you're particularly interesting.

Okay, so you lost your shadow at some point between your childhood and now. Probably closer to 'now'. At least you try to tell yourself that it must be a recent development. You're not that oblivious to your surroundings. You think.

A cursory internet search doesn't help. There's a few creatures from literature and mythology that don't have a shadow, apparently - most famously, vampires.

You're pretty sure you're not a vampire. Teeth look normal, and the thought of blood makes you more nauseous than hungry. And didn't you eat something with lots of garlic the other day? Also, you can still see your reflection in the mirror. Vampires have neither a reflection nor a shadow. Supposedly. If they were real. Which of course they aren't.

You're are real though, and not fictional. Presumably.

You aimlessly scroll for a while, low-key hoping for some kind of self-help forum post, where you'd learn that a bunch of people have that issue and here's how to fix it. No luck. Either you are the only one having this little predicament, or everyone else just doesn't want to talk about it.

Whatever. It's not like this really seems like a problem or anything, right? Like, what do you need a shadow for anyway? You don't feel any different, or sick, or like there is actually something wrong. You're not missing any vital organ. Probably. Who knows, maybe it has been like this for years after all and you never noticed, and you're still alive and well. It's a bit weird, sure, but it's not like being weird has ever bothered you.

You decide it's probably fine. Should there be any "adverse effects" of your current status, you will deal with it then. But right now it doesn't seem like there's any reason to panic, and it's not like you can do anything. You will just go on with your life as usual, and ignore this. You're good at ignoring things.

Over the next few months, you sometimes find random postcards in your mailbox. They are all from places you always wanted to go, but never got around to somehow. Apart from your address, there's nothing written on them. Funny, the handwriting almost looks a bit like your own. Maybe some old friend from your past, thinking of you for whatever reason. Been a while since you had friends…

[meowdei]

I originally came to your page to send you this but got distracted by your australian post loll!!!

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five of your other fave writers. Spread the self-love!

(if you want to!! BUT I AM GEN CURIOUS ABOUT UR PERSONAL FAVES HEHE).

RYUUUU WAH THANK YOU FOR SENDING IT TO ME I ADORE YOU SO MUCH. I have to admit I am like . Severely lacking in confidence in my own writing LOL I hate everything I write but I suppose my favorite fics that I’ve written always come from their concepts/just the overall experience of writing them and having fun so

Anyway without further ado:

Godslayer ft mydei — this one currently holds my spot for fav right now bc believe it or not this fic has scenes that I have had half-written for maybe 5 ish years. I’ve had a few of those scenes planned for a slow burn royal au fic for a long LONG time and the ideas leapt from character to character over the years quite a few times. I think going back, reading my writing from years ago, fixing it up and seeing how far I’ve come, and also just finally completing it was rewarding so I think currently this one is my favorite. I think my writing quality is best in this fic like if I wanted anyone to have an impression of my writing quality, this one would be the one I would direct them to (not that I would direct anyone to any of my writing lol)

It always ends with I love you ft wrio — my first wrio long fic omg I was a baby on this blog when i posted it and the word count I thought would make no one touch it but ppl’s reactions to this one were SO sweet 🥹 not only that but this was the first time I properly dug my hands into his past and rly got to bring his backstory to life in MY way and I had the most fun ever with this. I wrote that fic in like 3/4 days like genuinely I was RAPIDLY clicking away every day and I think it was hands down the most fun I ever had with a fic

For you I’d do it all again ft. alhaitham — YOU READ THIS ONE AND I WILL NEVER FORGET UR TAGS but also. I loved the reader in this fic. I have always wanted to explore the biases and discriminations against desert folks in sumeru, but this one was baby steps. I still haven’t explored it as thoroughly as I’d like to but I didn’t want to post such a political fic so early on into my blog LOL. I’m more comfortable now on here so I may revisit the concepts later. But anyway I like this fic mainly because I like the reader in that fic. I wanted to write a reader who’s intelligence rivaled alhaitham’s because people always write him way smarter than reader and I find it doesn’t itch my brain the way I want bc all of the akademiya sumeru cast (like kaveh, tighnari, cyno, faruzan and etc.) is pretty on par with alhaitham’s intelligence level and I think writing a reader who is equally as capable and fits into that group, and also is able to fit the role of a leader and maybe even handle it better than him is just. Satisfying to me. I think one day I would like to rewrite that fic and expand more on it, there is so much I cut out and I have a lot more to add LOL

A little death ft. kinich — honestly I think I ate with that one high key. It’s not as sophisticated or ambitious as the other fics above, but it’s a good old character study through porn LMAOOO. And not to pat myself on the back but this is one I think I did a good job on. I think I nailed his character (in my humble opinion) and I really REALLY enjoyed exploring mortality and the way he struggled to see the point in grief when reader knew he was coming back and the way she struggled to make him understand that loving someone means that their pain is yours even if you know they’re okay. If even if there is nothing to grieve, love makes us grieve anyway. I liked that fic also bc that was the beginning of natlan and the beginning was the only time natlan was good so it was the one and only time I had fun writing natlan 💀 I had new lore material to work with like the pilgrimage and etc and I was really excited to FINALLY dip my toes into something new with genshin. Did that last long? No 💔 but it was fun while it lasted

Dear wife, dear husband ft. ayato — this one has many typos and isn’t the most formal piece of writing ever bc I did it in a rush to answer an anon on my phone and it just got carried away. Bc I wrote it on my phone, it’s not perfect or as polished but it was fun. LMAO it was deeply horny, deeply shameless, and again, not very sophisticated as far as my fics go but it was just fun. The horniness was a blast I’ll be real LMAOOO and I think the topic of pervert/freak husband ayato lasted for quite some time on my blog and I had a lot of fun with it and with interacting with people through my inbox. Everyone just needs one obligatory pure-porn-no-plot fic on their list that is just hot and sexy and nothing else 🙏

ANYWAY TY FOR SENDING THIS AND ASKINF MEEEE. It was fun to look back at my old pieces omg very nostalgic and I just have much to say about the actual process of writing. I don’t like to talk about the end result . We don’t talk about that. JUST THE PROCESS THOUGH IS SUPER FUN AND CATHARTIC TO ME

[justaneedle]

Okay, I didn't even plan think about Thalia, but thinking about Luke and Annabeth will certainly lead to her, too. And to my problems with her.

Luke and Annabeth — kin. Annabeth is just kin, so I don't love her so much as I understand and accept her.

Luke is a kin mixed with the biggest "what if" of my life. Therefore, I understand, accept and absolutely unconditionally love him.

And the fact that my two kins have never completely ditched each other till the end probably doesn't do a favor to Thalia, who is not only inconsistently written, but also has no real connection with Annabeth and is the only one who truly dumped Luke... in general, there is hardly anyone to whom I would treat — with my own attachment issues — worse than Thalia.

If she were a normally written character, I might be influenced by the explanations of the fandom that this is related to Annabeth in TTC. But against the background of the fact that Rick didn't prescribe the relationship between them from books 3 to 5, and the fact that we have Annabeth as an unreliable narrator in books 1 and 2... even when I consciously try, I can't convince myself that the relationship between Thalia and Annabeth is at least somewhat comparable to the relationship between Luke and Thalia in importance (which is also questionable due to the way Thalia is written), and it's better not even stutter about the weight of the relationship between Annabeth and Luke.

Annabeth and Luke clearly share attachment issues that Annabeth hates changes, which is why she will prefer poor stability to any change, even if it's an attempt to change objectively rotten stability to something better.

Annabeth understands Luke's motives, but simply refuses to accept that he has a life of his own. Annabeth stays on the side of the gods not because they are a more preferable constant, but on the contrary — Annabeth has a better chance of getting Luke back, getting him to be with her again, than to pull off reform (when her hubris isn't really against) the entire system of the gods. That's why she also believed that Thalia wouldn't have joined Luke — Annabeth didn't really know Thalia, she was just a little kid, even if she was smart. The memories about Thalia itself became a constant, and if Luke moved on, Annabeth's brain made the logical conclusion that the constant (Thalia) wouldn't move on, because then it would be an unnecessary change, which Annabeth hates.

Luke's attachment issues are not related to any changes in general. He just wants to have people who love him and whom he can love in return. Feelings that would really be able to achieve the point from both ends, because with his parents it wasn't. He loves demigods as a species cause of his compassion — because of the rotten system of the gods, their lives are similar — filled with pain, suffering and death. And, of course, ideally, he would prefer those he loves to be by his side. He accepts that this is impossible for one reason or another, but as long as he knows that affection is not dead, he would like to be together with dear people. So he repeatedly asks Annabeth to join him (he also asks Percy about it in SOM) and Thalia to join him.

Annabeth, although she doesn't accept his offers, never completely turn around from Luke; Percy, although full of negative feelings to Luke, actually retains the lion's share of sympathy for the elder one, which becomes most obvious in TTC and BOTL, and in TLO is one of the key points at all. Thalia completely cuts off Luke in the TTC, and TLO only confirms this.

Thalia doesn't show purely human sympathy towards Luke, not to mention that Luke is supposed to be her best friend once.

So how should I perceive Thalia against the background of all this? Six months later (biologically, according to her feelings) she is someone who hated the gods for their shit and was Luke's best friend, but now she completely disowned him, after his alleged death by her foot hand Thalia quickly switches from grief to “you were right about”, leaves Annabeth becoming a servant of the goddess (dubious), after about 2 years she doesn't show any special emotions after reuniting with friends (again, Annabeth), but at the same time remains a servant of the goddess, even when it is no longer necessary, because... she is devoted to Artemis (?!?).

I can't bring myself to call Thalia anything other than spineless.

[hardworkandguts]

Ghost in the Shell

GHOST IN THE SHELL/攻殻機動隊

(Film)

Cyberpunk by Masamune Shirow / Mamoru Oshii

Era: 1990s

Rating: S

Plot: it's 2029, and Motoko Kusanagi, aka "The Major", is a cyborg working for Section 9 of the public security service in New Port City. After the translator of a cabinet member is found to have been hacked, she is tasked with tracking the culprit, suspected to be master hacker Puppet Master.

Length: 83 minutes

Thoughts: Well, if I'm doing movies, might as well start with one that is turning 30 in a few months, was the entry point for many non-believers in the medium in the 1990s and a key influence in the development of cyberpunk both thematically and visually - for instance, the lobby shootout in The Matrix (oh yeah, might do The Animatrix sometime), one of the defining sequences of the movie, is heavily indebted to the climax of GitS, where pillars are slowly destroyed by heavy gunfire, each stray bullet leaving a mark in the surroundings. As the legend goes, the Wachowski Sisters pitched the movie while pointing at GitS and saying "we want to do a live version of this".

Anyway. There's very little I can say of this that many people much smarter than me haven't said in the previous three decades - it's maybe the most seriously written about anime film in the west, with the themes of what does it mean to be conscious or self-aware and even if a self-aware machine has rights as a living being, to this day highly influential in western science fiction (tapping my huge VHS box of The Matrix special edition again). Or the horrendous implication of all these cybernetic augmented people being at the mercy of an hacker who can just create fictional memories of a life they never had to be more easily manipulated. As someone who if asked what really hard stuff I would make a career in if I had the brains for, cognitive neuroscience would probably be a choice, this is both a truly fascinating and horrifying scenario. After all, what are we but our memories and how our experiences shape our way of thinking and acting? Are those two even the same person they were before, even knowing those memories are all fake? Motoko also struggles with her identity as a human - while she has a human brain, her body is fully artificial. Is she a dead person kept alive inside a cyborg body? What does it even mean to be human at that level of encroachment of technology in the human existence?

However, it's worth mentioning it isn't an impenetrable movie - while it raises interesting questions and the world crafted by Masamune Shirow has quite a few things to bite into (Stand Alone Complex, the TV show by the same studio expands greatly on this, and I'll also get to it eventually), it stays at a superficial level and you are never left wondering just what happened - the story is a police investigation with a few big action scenes, and focuses mostly on the Section 9 team - Motoko, Batou and Togusa, as they try to get to the Puppet Master, and understand it's motivations and origin. It's also a very compressed version of the corresponding manga arc, doing away with many characters and all situations played for laughs - Motoko doesn't make someone punch themselves in the face even once, for instance, and characters all look more serious, Aramaki was originally drawn with monkey-like features, but here is a regular old man.

Visually... Well, look who's the director, and teaming up with Production I.G once again, after both Patlabor films. Like it was becoming the style of the time if you had the budget, it combines traditional cel animation with CGI with incredible results, it holds up pretty well to this day. Soundtrack by the revered Kenji Kawai (himself a Headgear member who worked with Oshii in both Patlabor films) is equally excellent.

It's a terrific movie and set the whole franchise as one of the standards in the cyberpunk genre, but beyond SAC I really can't say I enjoyed much of it, but at least here there's a lot of magic.

Recommended to: Fans of sci-fi but it's one of those that is almost obligatory viewing.

Plus:

It looks as you'd expect a mid 90s movie would - absolutely incredible.

Mixes the themes of consciousness with incredible action scenes with extraordinary ease.

Minus:

Could have been a bit deeper on the themes? Hard to say, the movie is very well paced and I don't think 30 more minutes of philosophising would help.

[icharchivist]

In the course of my studies we had notes on how to approach historical texts and the questions were pretty much:

Nature of the document: was it written? Was it a speech? was it in an autobiography? was it in a journal? Would the audience receive the text directly (speech) or does it address a niche audience (selected books)?

Date&Place: When was this published? Where? What was the Historical Context of the time?

Author: Who published it? What was their background? Did it influence the text?

Why: What was the topic of the text? What historical event is it refering to?

To Whom: On Behest of who is this text for? Who is it addressed to? What is the intended reaction?

Truth: What is likely to be the actual fact backing the text? If you do not know, cross reference with others biased texts. Is there a common element that comes back in texts treating of this thing?

Reliability: Is the author motivated by political/social goals? Is the audience supposed to agree with them? Is it trying to influence the audience into a specific thought?

Effect: What was the effect of this text on the context? Was it taken seriously? Was it disregarded?

Conclusion: is it manipulating the sources or is it genuine? Summarize the key answers.

... more or less, from what i remember, at least.

those are key questions to wonder when approaching a text and why context is important.

Which is why i love DA because it uses this exact approaches to tell you who wrote it, what were their inclinaison, and you're to judge if it's trustworthy.

Ex: This text is an extrait of a book by Brother Genitivi. The Book is widely available to anyone who travels. Brother Genitivi was born in Ferelden and operated at the beginning of the 9th Age. He alligns with the Chantry, which creates a bias in which he approaches culture, but Genitivi has proven through his texts to be open minded to others cultures and try to be respectful of them as he writes his texts. This book is for any traveller who wants to know more about the world they're in. Genitivi is motivated with retranscribing facts as much as possible in a neutral way. You're likely to get accurate representation of a culture he describes in term of describing the architecture for example. In Andrastian Countries he will likely be more accurate than not. His text about the Dalish are to take with a grain of salt as he doesn't belong in that group and the Chantry has prejudice against the Dalish that may color his bias. This book seems to mostly have a neutral effect on the world, though most people know about it. As such Genitivi's book can be used as a good starting point to understanding the culture of thedas, but it will never be comparable to the perspective of a native.

There. Eventually with enough training your brain does the work itself.

And that's what is fascinating with historical documents and why DA just scratches that itch for me. It's like a puzzle in which you just have to find the pieces yourself or infer them to have the full picture. You can't rely on only one text.

So careful with what text is taken seriously or not. you're not immune to propaganda.

[cherylplus]

TW: discussions of death and mortality, sex, and mental health.

The one thing that people need to know about me is that I’m always writing. 

I scribble in notebooks. I paraphrase streams of consciousness in journals. I process the world in mini case notes, like a good psychologist. I jot down fragments of ideas on sticky notes -- one per sticky, like a good UXer. At 8, I became enamored with the smell of toner and the sound of my mom’s typewriter whirring at the same speed as the stories forming in my mind. At 35, my dip powdered nails clickety-clack against my laptop keys to Morse-code-transmit those same stories into the ether. Even when I’m not physically writing, I’m writing in my brain, the ultimate cloud. 

So it scares me a little to admit that I haven’t scribbled, journaled, noted, or typed anything new in nearly a year. 

At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was stuck with this image of my brain like a dried up well, roaches and rats skittering through the cracks in shit-caked brick. After nearly 2 years of prolific creation, I found myself uncomfortably still. And it has taken this past year to begin to understand some of the factors that led to this stillness.

My grandma slowly dying. Watching my dad processing her death. Aching as he now grapples with the idea of his own. Feeling chills when, during my grandma’s funeral, my younger brother turned to me and asked, “Do you ever think about who will show up at your funeral?”

A job promotion. The unsteady undertaking of a new role. The mourning of my old identity. Needing to take time to figure out how not to equate usefulness with worth.

Juggling relationships. Shifts in paradigms. Redirection of energy.

Pushing myself to stop using the pandemic as an excuse to hide.

Actually re-entering the world.

And figuring out how to make space for More.

New, profound, and beautiful.

I’ve always wanted More. The people I keep close, even people who are relatively new to me, have very quickly assessed that I am insatiable. My dad loves to tell this story about me as a baby. When he and my mom were starting to wean me off the bottle and feed me solid baby food, I would cry at the sound of the spoon hitting the bottom of the glass jar, a Pavlovian response quickly and hilariously connected.

So it isn’t surprising that I started craving More than my dusty old notes.

I realized that I had spent 2 years writing stories that had been pent up in me for 10 years, and now that they were all out, I needed to quiet my clickety-clacks and do some reflection. I needed to go back into research mode.

I crave More experiences. In the wake of death, I need to live more of my life.

I had written so many stories about representation and connection. I wanted to be out in the world actually representing myself. I wanted to connect past my keyboard.

I wanted to deepen amazing friendships that I had made online through my fanfic writing during the pandemic. I wanted to meet new people. I wanted to date. I wanted to fuck. And if I found someone who also wanted More of me, I wanted to test the waters of romantic relationship, something that I had not truly been open to until this time. 

Most of all, I wanted to make room for the full spectrum of experiences that I knew I had been pushing away. Being vulnerable. Being joyful. Being present.

To do that, I needed to stop writing. 

Now, I’m getting the itch to write again.

I think I’ve hit a point where I want to document what I’m feeling and thinking. Maybe to help with processing. Maybe just to make room for more new experiences. To help me stay present when I’m having those experiences.

So I think that’s what this blog will be. 

It’s not really well-defined. As an evolution from my fanfic blog (which is, if you’re curious, a BTS blog @bonvoyagenoona​), I am not writing fiction as metaphor for or commentary on the experiences I have had. I am processing somewhat in real-time the everyday experiences that I am opening myself up to.

It’s an experiment.

Feel free to join me if you’re interested in exploration. In discovery. In the tender interplay between loss, gain, and redefinition. Share your own experiences with me, whether you relate or not. Experiment with me. Design your life with me. Teach me. Learn with me. 

Cheryl Plus is open to it all.

[jkl-fff]

I'll conside myself tagged, because this sounds fun!

1. How many works on Ao3? 24

2. Total Ao3 Word Count? 495,134

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos? Spotless Mind of the Eternal Sunshine: 143 Wanna Bet?: 126 After the Punch to the Face: 124 Through a Slender Opening: 104 Bruce Because it Wonks: 99

4. What fandoms do you write for? ParaPines (a Gravity Falls and ParaNorman crossover, especially with a focus on the Dipper Pines / Norman Babcock ship) with 11 out of 24 fics.

5. Do you respond to comments? Almost always. As I crave interaction with people, I'd be crazy not to. Plus, it almost seems rude not to respond?

6. Fic with the angstiest ending? Gotta be "The Norman Prophecies", as it ends after Dipper and Norman commit an act of what is technically terrorism (for a very good cause, and to guarantee nobody dies as opposed to ensure people die), and thus has them both wondering if they're going to be on the run for the rest of their lives.

7. Fic with the happiest ending? Tough to say, as I typically resolve most angst by the end of a fic and leave it with a happy conclusion. But I suppose "The Flambees Incident" would have to be the logical choice? It ends with an engagement, after all.

8. Do you get hate? Nope!

9. Do you write smut? Yep! Usually as a gift for someone, occasionally as part of a story (with a key character dynamic I want to pursue), and almost always because while indulging one of my own kinks. Of the 24, 12 of them are definitely smut, and there are 2 more that are about half smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? Not usually, but ParaPines is something of a special case. Besides, their universes feel compatible, which makes them seem kinda sorta like a crossover-lite.

11. Ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge. But ... *sigh* Many, many companies insist on going in on plagiarism software. So who knows at this point?

12. Have you had a fic translated? No, at least not to my knowledge.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? Several of them, at least in terms of collaboration on planning and being given carte blanche during the editing process. It's quite a lot of fun and very engaging, rewarding, fulfilling to work with someone on helping their project come to fruition.

14. All-Time favorite ship? Ha! ParaPines, easy. Imagining those dorks as gay dorks for each other makes my heart smile.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Sometimes I worry that's true for all of them. But I fully intend to finish all my Works-in-Progress. That's why I consider them to be in progress.

16. Writing Strengths? Dialogue. I know myself to be very adept at dialogue, and that's likely because it's always been one of my favorite parts of a story to write.

17. Writing Weaknesses? Being brief and concise, being willing to skip over points that don't actually matter. My reflex is to always explore and elaborate on practically everything--to make a long train ride, for example, into scenes full of idle dialogues while nothing important really happens (apart from, like, subtle character development that could be done elsewhere).

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue? Generally best avoided, since the audience as a whole can only reasonably be expected to understand one language. As a linguist and a literary analyst, I do find the idea intriguing for what it could say about the author and the characters ... But it's a technique that's very, very tricky to pull off well. And for little pay off that coudn't be achieved some other way. So, yeah, best avoided.

19. First fandom you wrote for? ParaPines again. A fic were Dipper is cursed with lycanthropy of the werecat variety, and Norman and Mabel have to cure him somehow. It entered my brain like a shrieking demon of cuteness that could only be exorcised by writing it ... and it left the door open to others when it left.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written? "Gay Paramours Don't Endanger the Line of Succession" for FFXV. It was very entertaining to poke fun at the game's product placement for Coleman camping products.

Delightful, this game! Whoever sees this and is interested, please consider yourself tagged.

Tagged by @sprite-and-the-bunnydragons, my Ao3 writer stats!

1. How many works on Ao3? 9! Ish

2. Total Ao3 Word Count? 159,733. Most of which is Crossing of Stars

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos? 1. A Stubborn Kid 2. Tall 3. Legend of Zelda: A Crossing of Stars 4. Monster Energy 5. Need a Lift?

4. What fandoms do you write for? Zelda baybee. Mostly LU by number of fics, but again, CoS takes up most of my wordcount.

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes. Yes I do.

6. Fic with the angstiest ending? Uuuh Tall maybe? Or CoS. Depends on your definition of angst

7. Fic with the happiest ending? Probably Monster Energy for pure fluff.

8. Do you get hate? Besides from myself? I think I got a bot. I also had one dude who said they didn’t like one of my characters, but a few chapters later then comments again that they now liked that character! Probably my happiest moment haha

9. Do you write smut? No. And again no.

10. Do you write crossovers? Not published. And it would really be more of a “X characters in Y universe” rather than “X characters meet Y characters”. I did once write a CoS x LU crossover but will that ever see the light of day? Who knows.

11. Ever had a fic stolen? Nah. I’m not that good. I’ve had ideas that then someone in Burbank or Nintendo makes something crazy similar, but that’s not theft. That’s just me being predictable ;)

12. Have you had a fic translated? Nope! I would be happy if someone wanted to, but that’s a lot of homework haha

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? Not really? Technically CoS was made with my boyfriend, but I do all the writing and he just listens to me talk out plot points till I figure out what I want, or reads it.

14. All-Time favorite ship? Would you ask me to pick a favorite child??? Jk it’s Candace Flynn and Jeremy Johnson. I relate to the feeling of being a high-strung red-head oldest sister with a much calmer blonde boyfriend who is still with me in spite of my shenanigans. This isn’t related to writing I guess though so… Rigito and Syn (sorry Zelda and Link)

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have one titled “Youngest” that’s me pushing my “Wind is not a pirate” propaganda/exploring how it feels to be a non-swearer in a swearing world, but I can’t work out a plot, so it’s just gonna sit in my drafts forever.

16. Writing Strengths? Uh. I am good at. Concepts?

17. Writing Weaknesses? Remembering where people are. Writing descriptions of places or events. Naming fics. Describing action. Why am I even writing actually? Imposter syndrome.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue? As the worst Spanish speaker on the planet (exaggeration) who still tries my best to speak it with other Spanish speakers, I am not fluent enough to feel I do it justice. But I like seeing other people use other languages, especially if they use actual sentences so it’s like a bilingual bonus.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Ever?? *overthinks* Proooooobably Pokémon? Or Ace Attorney. Don’t ask for them, you will not get them. They’re long gone. On Ao3? Zelda.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written? It may be long, onerous, and not all polished, but Crossing of Stars is my baby. I sob tears of joy when people read it and comment. I would talk about it forever if you asked. I still wanna write in it.

I dunno who to tag so please, open tags and let me know you did it so I can smother you with love.

[olderthannetfic]

I feel like I keep seeing antis/anti-leaning people claim that proshippers are against discussions of racism in fandom. Obviously there is the basic bad faith interpretation (deliberate slander), which I'm not inherently against, but do you have any idea if there's a potential good faith interpretation of why they think this? Is there a specific fandom where the proshippers are actually yelling at the antiracists?

--

I get this question all the time, which is ironic since I tend to be public enemy #1 for the "AO3 is racist" crowd. (Or maybe they've moved on by now. I don't really keep up with them.)

No, there is no good faith interpretation. It's recycled Star Wars wank from 2015, SamSteve vs. Stucky wank from the same period, etc. etc.

The "anti-racists" in question include a lot of big names who should know better. Their central arguments boil down to:

The demographics of which characters get shipped and/or written about on AO3 are racist.

A lot of individual fics about characters of color on AO3 are racist.

AO3's refusal to "listen" and then censor is racist.

Fans of color "need" to be able to speak up about fic that is racist... in that fic's comments.

It's all ass-backwards because it focuses on the needs of the reader to find the content they want, which is content creator influencer hell, not the writer-focused AO3 approach.

The whole point of AO3-style fandom is that everyone has access to posting, and you can write what you want. Want more fics about your fave? Write them.

There are individual AO3 fics I find racist, but the vast majority of the discourse around the site focuses on things like writers who ship the black dude but use him as a prop boyfriend and not the single perfect tear woobie who's obviously their favorite. Is the pattern racist? Well, yeah, but you won't solve it by trying to restrict those fics. And the extreme form of this turns into a cliched top/bottom shipwar, which just makes everyone involved look like a moron.

Teaching people how to write their tops with personalities is far more likely to make the collective fic in a fandom less racist than demanding that they switch which pairing dynamic they're into. Making more original media where the man of color is the woobie in the first place would also help.

Plenty of the discourse is crying that such-and-such a m/m ship is super popular on AO3, temple of m/m, while gen about characters of color or some particular het ship with a nonwhite character is less popular. "Why don't you ship het instead of m/m" is a gigantic red flag for people who refuse to understand libido or accept it as a valid reason for anything.

A lot of the discourse is anti-kink despite lying about this fact. "Boo hoo hoo, I for sure psychically know who's a racist white person and who's a kinky black person whose id doesn't match up with mine!" etc.

There's also a lot of "This fic is race kink!" nonsense thrown around about any fic where a man of color has a big dick, as though penis size by itself is the racist cliche often summed up as "big black cock" and as though all ethnicities and nationalities are subject to identical stereotypes. This garbage gets uncritically repeated by newly-minted "woke" people falling over themselves to correct hundreds of years of injustice by yelling at others for a couple of days on twitter.

This is where the "you're calling me an anti to silence me" garbage comes from. Sound like a kink-hater, get treated as one.

AO3 does have bullying problems by now, and the various blocking and muting features were overdue. They are now being implemented, which is great. Anyone with half a brain cell should see that these are key anti-racist measures so that people can block idiots who write fic they hate or who leave shitty comments...

But a certain number of jackasses complain even about that because it will ~silence fans of color~ who need to go tell someone they're a racist in their fic comments.

These dumbass arguments have been circulating for years at this point, so the talking points have boiled down to catch phrases.

--

Damn right I'm against "discussion" when it means telling everyone that only white people would like nasty kink.

When the whiny "plz censor AO3" crowd stops sounding exactly like that asshole who used "freaks of color" in a past discussion about these kinds of things and when they're ready to discuss how to write extreme kink about their faves non-racistly without reducing the kinkiness, then I will be ready to listen to their arguments.

But they have none other than "write the kind of fic I like!"

[stardewsnail]

hello! do you have any hc for shane x farmer x harvey poly relationship? sfw or nsfw hc are fine thank you so much :) loved your last request post hehe

I’m so glad you liked it! Since you said HC this is more of a list, but if anyone wants to request a specific moment written out in prose let me know!

I admit, I am just starting to appreciate Harvey in my game so forgive me if there’s a little more of my brain than game canon :) NSFW is alllllll the way at the end

MINORS DNI

I HC Shane was 28/29 having a crisis about turning 30 and then Harvey being about 32-35 (barely recovering from the imposter syndrome of taking over the clinic pretty young)

So I think, first of all, Marnie and Maru were key to getting the three of them to figure it out. Like the two of them were in cahoots arranging for those three to be in the same place at the same time

Harvey had a crush on the farmer pretty quickly, having plenty of interactions due to how often they ended up needing medical care

He always had a soft spot for Shane because even when he was struggling and on his worst most hung over days he still went to every shift at Joja so he could provide for Jas

Shane has had a crush on the farmer for a while—but it didn’t cement until after the cliffs when they didn’t just drop him entirely. Up until he was actually working on improving himself he had ZERO plans in ever engaging in a romantic relationship with anyone (he wasn’t going to doom anyone to dealing with him—sad self deprecating boy)

After Harvey treated him so gently and was such a surprising pillar of support in Shane’s journey to recovery he developed a crush on the good Dr as well

 Harvey was a little freaked out because he considered Shane a patient first at some point the farmer brought him coffee and they ended up sitting together for an hour chatting (gushing) about Shane. That was the farmer and Harvey looked at each other like “Oh…you like him?” And both decided to let their crush go like idiots. Farmer was like “ah Shane and Harvey have known each other for longer it’s not fair for me to get in the way” and Harvey was like “Oh I won’t get in the way of two people I care about”

 Maru started leaving books about polyamory laying around the clinic and Marnie tried to (awkwardly and not fully understanding the concept but trying to stay hip with the youth) bring it up to Shane which both backfired and succeeded bc Shane went to the farmer/Harvey to complain about it (he went to the Farmer first and the farmer didn’t react as expected. They pretty much were like “Yeah that's a thing seems like it might be nice as a concept”

And so when Shane went to Harvey after because at this point they're friends (even if Shane thinks it's more about Harvey being his doctor) Not only was Harvey sweating talking about relationships with Shane he about choked on his coffee when our fav chicken man brought up the farmer being into polyamory.

Harvey figures out what all of this had been leading to--why Marnie of all people had brought it up to Shane, why Maru kept teasing (and I feel like in this scenario Maru and the farmer are friends). Harvey has his Jimmy Neutron style brain blast and is like wait...i have TWO hands...I can HOLD TWO HANDs.

When I tell you this man studies the theory, history, and modern practice of polyamory like there's going to be a test--he's on it. He didn't graduate medical school by doing things half assed

While this is happening (Harvey preparing to make a move) Shane (post cliffs) just assumes he has a crush on Harvey and the farmer because the two of them helped him get better—he’s not going to be the one getting this whole thing started. So he just keeps going doing his best for Jas but also because he really likes the way Harvey lights up at every check up.

I feel like Harvey (likely assured by Maru who is tired of listening to both farmer and Harvey pine for each other AND Shane) asks the farmer out first, and the two have a big long discussion about their dynamics and how they want to approach Shane. Harvey is a little clinical about it but the farmer does their best to reassure him

Unfortunately, while Harvey and the farmer are both independently smart they lose all but one (1) brain cell that they have to share between them like a ping pong ball

It works out still, and they both present a bouquet to Shane at the same time. Shane just does NOT get it, poor thing he is red as a tomato and his whole brain just blue screens. Like face hiding in his hood/hands low key trying not to cry not believing that there are TWO people who like him and they’re the people he’s been pining over for AGES and that he gets to be with BOTH of them????

Shane stops having to work at Joja mart between his spouse’s income. Instead he works full time on the farm with the chickens, engineering a variety of colored chickens (Shane studied Bio/ag in college along with his gridball scholarship, then the accident that wiped out Jas’s parents also wiped out his potential gridball career AND forced him to drop out in his last semester—I think I’ve seen this bit before but idk if it’s cannon or somebody’s head cannon)

Shane does better mentally getting to work outside with animals and even when he has bad days he’s got much healthier coping strategies

So I think he would start getting back into fitness and bond with Harvey over eating healthy and staying fit—that plus the farmer being THE source of fresh produce in town

And also they are constantly trying to make sure the farmer doesn’t starve and drop dead in the mines

Other:

They constantly cycle through whose sleeping where mostly because they don’t often go to bed at the same time so the last person there just kinda worms their way in wherever

Shane really likes being babied but he would never say it

Unrelated but when Harvey moves to the farm he rents his apartment to Maru who is ecstatic to have her own place away from her overbearing dad (who’s not super jazzed about the situation) but her being out of the house improves her relationship with Sebastian and they get much closer as siblings

NSFW

Shane never thought of himself as being more dominant to anyone BUT after being with Harvey (who takes care of people constantly and wants the opposite in the bedroom) I see him approaching the territory of service dom

Harvey for his part wants to be in the middle, both penetrating and being penetrated at the same time. He was waiting for a “good time” to bring this up but the farmer suggested it first and he was ecstatic.

Both the farmer and Shane think Harvey's thing is going to be sexy nurse but no, it's definitely a pilot/flight attendant thing--something they make the most of

[jjheejz]

About Internet Water Army in the case

This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).

19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below

18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)

Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details

Originally posted on 16 August 2021

[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].

The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.

Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.

*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).

If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.

Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations

Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army

When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.

Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:

Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]

Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]

Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]

Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]

Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well. 

Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.

Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.

On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧

Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them. 

Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and  Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.

Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:

The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .

Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).

Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.

In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.

The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.

Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).

There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.

Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)

The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.

Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.

Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?

First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)

Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps). 

Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?

Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news. 

Timeline of events:

13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions

14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news

15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react

17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]

Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.

When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.

Conclusion

Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.

Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.

Bonus

Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.

What's funny? The self-deteroriates:

Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"

Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?

//

Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.

So what should we do? Link here

Related posts 🛏️:

[darlingbudsofrae]

Neil Josten Appreciation Post

Foxes Appreciation Series : 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

Alright, let’s just start this by addressing the big elephant in the room: everyone loves Neil Josten. EVERYONE.

If you don’t, you’re lying. 

Okay, first up- I’m glad this is getting addressed more on AFTG tumblr but Neil is literally so much smarter than the fandom gives him credit for.

Like yes, he’s a little dumdum on the social aspect of things (you could argue he kind of has a low EQ but also not really, I would argue that later)

but that doesn’t dismiss that he is smart af and that he can kill you and make it look natural if he wants.

For example, he literally outrun and hid from the mafia for years. Like, that in itself is an obvious point but we often forget that he did this at a very young age.

Like, he was presumably what? 16?? (when Mary kicked the bucket?) And kid was already playing hide and seek pretty well with a freaking mafia.

He does not get enough credit for this.

The survival skills it takes- the mental strength to survive as a runaway and technically he’s also homeless- at freaking 16, that’s just insane.

Also, let’s not mention the fact that it takes skills to forge official papers and all that.

We also do not talk enough about Neil and how he freaking have to relearn an entirely new position just to play exy.

I don’t think most remember that he’s actually a backliner, but have to play as a striker because it was the only available position in that local high school he attended in Millport, and that was how Kevin saw him so he was recruited as a striker.

We also additionally do not talk enough about how Kevin “literal and figurative Son of Exy” Day found potential for court in Neil “I’m a backliner but I’m playing striker because it’s the only thing available and I’m an exy junkie” Josten who only played it for like a year or less. 

Like yeah, Kevin said he needs more training but it’s not even Neil’s official position. 

The talent on this man- I cannot, he is such an icon. 

Aside from his great survival skills and being literally great at picking things up- he’s also like freaking academically smart.

Like that also doesn’t get enough credit- I mean, he does math for fun.

Frankly, I think if you did Kumon or if you had an awesome teacher you could also do math for fun (I know I did) but this should be noted with the fact that he didn’t have proper schooling.

He went on a run at a really young age so there is no way he received formal education.

Which means he is naturally like really smart.

He’s also a polyglot. And the languages he has under his belt are all freaking difficult to learn- like, no kidding: French, German, and he can assumingly speak intermediate Spanish, and we don’t even have an idea if this is all the languages he can speak.

Also, he and Andrew learns how to speak Russian, right? Like, that’s crazy.

The brain on this man and the power that he has- my son, I am so proud.

I mean, for all we know- there’s more than that and the fact that he’s like 18 at TFC screams supremacy.

This is where I argue about his EQ but Neil is crazy perceptive.

It took him like freaking 3 seconds to figure out the team dynamics the foxes have, and how to work against it.

He later figured out how to make it all mesh together.

Like the way he do things isn’t conventional but reading him analyze his team despite his lack of empathy really makes me shudder.

Like, this kid is so freaking smart. I remember reading his thought process for the very first time and being like, okay- I definitely did not think about that.

The main problem with his EQ though is that he doesn’t know how to process positive stuff when he’s involved, but when he’s the outsider- his perspective is so amazing.

Like again, he kind of lacks empathy but the way he understands things and is just so sharp is just noteworthy.

I’d argue he doesn’t understand social cues and “modern teen things” but he isn’t so completely clueless on the social aspect in general as to not manipulate an entire team of misfits with issues to work together.

He’s literally the key to unity in AFTG. Even Dan says so.

Also, the way he puts things into play- like he’s a master manipulator, and I love that for him.

We do not talk enough about manipulative Neil, like I just really love manipulative characters in general so much- especially if they’re just owning it. 

I mean, he freaking manipulated Andrew and Aaron into therapy. Kind of evil but also wow. (just a sidenote, please don’t force people into therapy lol)

Going completely dark for a second, Neil also has a freaking high pain tolerance.

The amount of horrible things he went through in the books were just so sad and the fact that he just kind of moves on from it? That’s just completely oh my gods.

My poor summer child, even if you can kill me at any given time, let me just hug you for a second with consent.

Everyone also gives shit about Neil’s fashion choices and granted it is said he kind of bags the homeless looks but the fact that he values utility above all else-

Yes, we stan a resourceful king. 

Lowkey though, am I the only one who appreciate Neil’s average style?

Speaking of style- I love the way Neil narrates. Like, the way he doesn’t give much attention to how the character looks- it’s just so realistic?

Because if I’m talking to a person in real life, there is no way I am noting how his blue polo makes him kind of casual but clean-cut and how his brown eyes is as warm as my morning coffee. Like, who even does that?

The thing with Neil’s narration is that it’s just so authentic- like it easily engages the readers and the way he gives importance to every thing the same way, it really makes it easier for the reader to discern things objectively, y’know what I mean?

He just has that quality in a main character and narrator- he’s laidback and sarcastic but not trying too hard, and he’s just really easy to love.

Like, I normally don’t like narrators/main characters in books because I favor a side character more or just because they’re annoying, but Neil Josten is legit lovable. 

At the same time, he’s also a really well-written character. Like, for all the technicalities I point out in AFTG, Neil is an asshole. He’s not perfect and I don’t 100% love everything that he does and I love that.

He’s a flawed character but he gives you something to root for- and I just really want to appreciate his characterization for a second. Most books make their characters’ flaws not even their fault to put a check to the flawed character but at the same time still have that perfect character. Eeww, no- give me real flaws to work with.

He’s one of the realest protagonists I ever read.

Like people give him shit for wanting to hide but also choosing to play a nationwide-discerned sport on an infamous collegiate team but for me it’s kind of realistic.

Because I think we, as human beings, also do things we love too much regardless of logic. I don’t know, like it’s kind of funny the way Neil is written but I honestly didn’t see him joining Palmetto as a loophole.

Like, just think of all those successful people who hid their identities via pseudonym or other necessary means to do things they weren’t expected to do or weren’t allowed to do.

For me, his character was really just looking for excuses to play his favorite sport a second longer and if anything, that’s just kind of sad.

But also, his dedication and love to exy is really admirable- like I never understood it but the way he literally does everything to stay on the court for a second longer just makes me want to root for him.

On a random note, Neil may not have an eidetic memory like Andrew’s but the way he memorize most phone numbers by heart? 

Bruh, I don’t even have my phone number memorized and I freaking have it for two years now. 

He also memorizes every twists and turns at every trip, every exits at a room he enters, and most people’s tics upon the first meeting, and other things and that’s just crazy perceptive but also really crazy on another level.

Also, we don’t get much ace/demi representation and out of the few I’ve consumed, demi Neil Josten validates me. He’s legit my favorite character that belongs in the ace spec in books.

I just really love Neil’s character so much- he’s just so amazing.

One thing I always appreciate about Neil Josten is that while he’s not a total angel (sadly), the way he loves the foxes- like he legit tried to mend the team and make sure everyone is going to be okay before walking straight to his death- like I’m with Andrew on this one, what a fucking martyr. Why are you like this and why am I crying?

Neil Josten is by all means not soft, that much is established, but the way he’s just still as precious and must be protected at all costs-

"You know, I get it," Neil said. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time."

I love him, your honor- where can I file this adoption papers and do I have anything else to sign?

[afriendlyblackhottie]

Kin

Summary: Bucky’s been acting weird and you can’t help it when you expect the worst.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Black!Reader

Warnings: 18+, smut, swearing, breeding kink, daddy kink, dirty talk, degradation, GGFIL (you’ll see), arguing, cheating accusations

(A/N: this is different but I had fun writing it. And isn’t that what matters. Reblog follow like 💜✌🏾)

Tagging: @titty-teetee @zaddychris @queenoftheworldisdead @olyvoyl @liquorlaughslove @mariahthelioness29 @donutloverxo @little-baby-vixen @mochamaniacbabe @brattycherubwrites @iam-laiya @whiskey-cokenfanfic @doloreshazes

——————————————————————————-

Bucky had never given you a reason to not trust him. He’d been nothing, but the perfect boyfriend now fiancé for the two years you’d been together. Sure it was a little difficult dating an Avenger mostly because you worried about him coming back to you, but still being with him was kind of perfect.

The first time you started to sort of question things was when a phone number fell out of his pocket while you were doing laundry. Some girls name written on a napkin. You didn’t want to jump to any conclusions especially since it’s not like he wasn’t meeting new people everyday because of work. Who knows it was probably nothing.

Then he came home all late that day smelling like vanilla. You know it was bad, but you tried to check his phone while he was sleeping. Not that it worked because your super assassin fiancé was a very light sleeper and woke up before you could even try.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked, in that sleepy voice.

“Oh it’s nothing,” you said, playing it off by stroking his hair. You know you should have said something, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

All he did was smile and kiss you before pulling you close. Like everything was fine. You know you should have asked him right then. The words had been on the tip of your tongue.

But you didn’t ask. Instead you let him roll on top of you before he started making out with you. Would a man that’s cheating be fucking your mouth with his tongue like that. Probably.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” Bucky asked with a sigh, putting his forehead to yours.

You shrugged, looking down at his mouth so you didn’t have to look him in the eye. “It’s nothing.” Then you out a fake smile on to really sell it.

“Come on,” he whispered. “You know I know you better than that. If somethings wrong you can tell me. Daddy’ll take care of you, Doll.”

You made the mistake of looking into his blue eye that seemed to be seeing into your soul. There was always this gentleness towards you. That he seemed to save for you especially.

“I’m fine,” you replied before rolling over on your side away from him. Bucky sighed again before wrapping his arms around you from behind.

“Hey, so I’m busy tomorrow, but when I get home why don’t we do something?” He asked into your shoulder before pressing a kiss to it. “Just the two of us?”

You nodded, but didn’t reply out loud because if you did he’d hear that you were crying. You’d rather not deal with it.

So the next day you went to get some stuff done. Grocery shopping and shit. On the way home you passed by this coffee shop, recognizing his car as some girl got into the passanger seat.

Your stomach felt like it was doing fucking somersaults on the way home. You tried to keep yourself busy. Not wanting to think about Bucky or his lying cheating face.

When the door opened, you could hear him set his keys down on the table beside the door. You were making dinner because you were hungry. He could worry about himself.

“Fuck it smells good in here, Baby,” he said, coming to hug you from behind before kissing your cheek.

You didn’t say anything at first. Instead you continued to cook and even though he noticed how quiet you were, he didn’t let go of you.

“What? No hello?” He asked, kissing your neck.

You tried to shrug him off, but no you just had to be engaged to a super assassin who was strong as fuck.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

You shook your head because you were pretty sure if you’d say anything you’d explode. Not that he wouldn’t deserve it. You were trying to keep an ounce of dignity instead of blowing up like your brain was telling you too. “Nothing.”

Bucky leaned up against the counter beside you, bringing your face up so he could look at you. “Baby, I know you better than that.” He tried to smile to get you to open up then it faltered when he saw that you were clearly not in the mood. “C’mon. Just tell me what’s up.”

“Nothing, James.” You turned off the stove because now you’d lost your appetite. As you tried to walk away he grabbed your hand.

At hearing his first name, he crinkled his nose. “Baby,” he whined all pouty, “please. I let it go last night, but you’ve never not talked to me. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that we’re supposed to be getting married in two months and you’re cheating on me.”

Bucky looked so taken aback. His face getting all scrunched up. “What?”

“Oh so now you don’t know what I’m talking about?” You scoffed. “I saw you.”

“Saw me doing what?” He scoffed out a laugh. “I haven’t done anything.”

“Bullshit!” You yelled. “You’re lying to me!”

His jaw clenched as you raised your voice. “Watch your tone,” he commanded. “I didn’t cheat on you. I have no idea what you’re even talking about.”

“Really? Well then who the fuck is Becca?” You finally asked.

Bucky pulled away and you finally turned to face him. “How did you...” he trailed off.

“So, it’s true. You’re cheating on me?” You asked with a sniffle.

He shook his head. “No! Of course not, Baby,” he said.

“You’re lying! I saw you, James. I fucking saw you with her!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he said, putting his hands on your shoulders. “Let’s just calm down so we can talk.”

“I don’t want to talk. I want you out.”

He shook his head. “No, Baby,” he said. “I know how this looks, but I promise it’s not like that. I’m not... I’m not cheating on you. I’d never.”

“Fine then explain.”

Bucky hesitated. Closing his eyes like he was trying to find the right words.

“If you don’t tell me then I want you out.”

It wasn’t like this was the first time you and Bucky had ever fought. This was just the first time you’d ever done this. Usually when he messed up, he’d buy you flowers or kiss you until you forgave him. This time you needed to let him know that none of that would work.

He scrunched up his face before finally looking at you. “Okay. Becca is...” he took a deep breath. “Becca’s my great granddaughter.”

You also finally understood what it meant for it to be so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Bucky’s eyes bore into yours as he gave his answer.

“Can we just sit and talk?” He asked.

You nodded and he turned off the stove so he could grab your hand to lead you over to the couch. He sat you down in his lap and you couldn’t help it as you started crying into his chest because you felt like the worlds biggest asshole.

“Hey, Baby, don’t cry,” he said. “Not like you could have known. Hell not like I knew until recently.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked him with tears in your eyes. “We usually tell each other everything.”

“Because... I dunno I was waiting for the right time. It’s kind of hard to go to your fiancé and ‘go hey meet my great granddaughter, Baby.’” He chuckled before wiping your tears. “Or that I have a son and he’s seventy-six.”

You raised your eyebrows. “Seriously?”

Bucky nodded and laughed. “I know right. It’s...” he sighed, “it’s so weird, but I’ve been hanging out with them and its been kind of great actually. Having a family. Hate that I didn’t get to see him grow up.”

“God I’m... such a bitch.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “You would have never guessed,” he replied, placing a kiss to the side of your head. “So, yeah. Becca is my great granddaughter. I was picking her up from work. She’s seventeen.” He looked down then at you again. “I just... I wanna be in their lives. Make up for lost time.”

You nodded. “I get that.”

“I should have told you. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want you to get freaked out.”

“Bucky, I’d never get freaked out over something like that,” you said. “Things are different for you and I wanna be as understanding as possible.”

He smiled. “I know, but doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I know.” You put your head into his neck. “God I’m such an asshole.”

“No you’re not. Any woman would have assumed the worst like you did. I didn’t give you any reason not to.”

Your lip trembled as tears fell from your eyes again. “I’m sorry, Bucky.”

“I know, Baby,” he whispered.

“So, how did you find out?” You asked.

“Becca came looking for me. Saw stuff about the Avengers and saw me. My son James, his mom told him all about me so...”

You smiled, but you were still all teary eyed from the way you’d talked to him just now. “I’m so happy for you, Baby.”

“Yeah, well, they’re your family now too. If you still wanna get married.”

“Of course I do! I was just... I was scared to lose you so I freaked out.”

Bucky kissed your cheek. “You’re never gonna lose me, Doll. Besides, if anything this all just made me wanna be with you more. All I can think about is making babies with you.”

You laughed. “You would.”

“It’s true. All this just made me realize how bad I wanna have a family with you. I just... I mean our wedding is two months away, would it be so bad if we started trying now?”

You shrugged and he smiled before leaning into kiss you.

“Tell me you don’t want me to put a baby in this pussy and I’ll back off until the wedding,” he whispered into your ear.

“Daddy, I...”

You could feel him growing harder against your ass as he started grinding you into him. Fuck he knew how to get you to that point. You hated how it took pretty much nothing for you to want him to fuck the shit out of you.

“Tell me you want it,” he whispered in your ear. “Tell me you wanna have my baby.”

You sighed so deeply because his breath against your year was making you feel fucking feral. “I want it.” It was like you couldn’t even stop yourself from saying it.

“What do you want. Tell Daddy what you want.”

You looked up at him with those big eyes. “I want you to put a baby in me.”

“Yeah? I wanna make you a mommy, Doll,” he said, before putting his metal hand around your neck as he leaned you into him. He helped you pull your legging down until you could kick them off. Then kissed your shoulder as he spread your legs. “You want Daddy to put a baby in this little pussy, Baby?” He asked now that he’d pushed your panties to the side so he could play with your clit.

“Daddy,” you whimpered, leaning back so you could connect your lips to his. He started doing that thing again where his tongue fucked your mouth.

All that plus with the way he was touching you was making you forget all about how embarrassed you felt for accusing him of such a terrible thing. You should know that your daddy would never hurt you like that.

“Gotta teach you a lesson now,” he said. “Don’t you ever accuse me of something like that again. I should fucking spank you.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, your pussy feeling all tingly from the way his fingers were rubbing you making you let out a moan. “Daddy!”

“That’s it, Slut. Don’t you ever threaten to take this pussy from me again. It’s mine.” He growled into your ear and it made your stomach tighten especially when he started nibbling on it.

You nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Good little slut,” he said. “You know better. This is mine.” Bucky’s fingers now dipped into your pussy making you let out a whine.

“Yes, Daddy!” You mewled as he stuffed your pussy with his thick fingers. Metal hand going from your neck to your tits.

“You’re lucky I can’t wait to fuck you or else I’d be punishing you, Doll,” he said as he groped you.

You leaned back so you could kiss him again. Reached between the two of you so you could take hold of his dick through his pants. Enjoying how hard he felt through the denim. “I know, Daddy.”

“You’re so lucky I wanna cum in this pussy instead.” Thats when he tore his hands out of you before forcing you to stand up. Bucky undid his pants, pushing them and his boxers off before pulling you back down.

He didn’t waste any time in sinking you down on his dick. Hands on your ass as he helped you move up and down. “Who’s pussy is this?”

“Yours,” you whimpered. “All yours.”

Bucky grabbed the hem of your top so he could pull it over your head, watching as your tits bounced. “That’s right, Doll. Not gonna pull that shit again.”

You shook your head and then threw it back as you moaned. Bucky pushed you to the side against the couch before getting up so he could climb on top of you.

“Fucking love this juicy pussy,” he said. His metal arm coming to grab at your thigh as he bent your leg over his shoulder.

He thrusted in and out of you, shoving himself inside of you as his dick stretched you out. You tugged at his t-shirt that he hadn’t taken off. “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!” Your head was bent back against the couch as you let out this low moan. “Fuck, Bucky!” Your eyes were watering as you started to feel your orgasm coming to you.

“That’s it, Baby, I know you want it. Want Daddy to cum in your pussy?”

You nodded as he got up so he could hold your throat again because he knew how much you loved it. “God, yes. I’m gonna cum.”

“Yeah?” He groaned. “Gonna cum on Daddy’s dick?” He was all in your face.

You reached up so you could tug on his hair. “Yes! Fuck, please.”

“Good because I’m gonna cum in you. Daddy’s gonna gonna fill you up, Y/N.”

You cried out wrapping your legs around him as you came so hard. Maybe it was from all that bullshit and you almost ruining everything because fuck it felt so damn good. Especially with the way he was fucking you through it.

That was when he got closer to you. His balls slapping against your ass as he started getting really deep into you. “Fuck,” he hissed. “Daddy’s gonna cum in this pussy, Baby. I know that’s what you need, Baby. Need Daddy to keep you pregnant.”

“Uh huh,” you moaned.

“I’m gonna keep getting you pregnant for as long as you can. Make you have so many babies.”

You couldn’t help it as the noises you were making started getting louder. “Yes. Please.”

That’s when his hips stilled as he started to fill you. His seed flooding into your womb for the first time. He put his head into your neck once he started moving them again, trying to make sure he could give you ever last drop.

He laid there on top of you. Breathing all heavy before pressing kisses into your neck again. “Was that our first time without a condom?” He asked.

“Uh huh,” was all you could say. It was like you couldn’t move.

Bucky chuckled seeing you all frozen before yawning and getting off of you. He grabbed you so he could carry you to your room, cradling you in his arms. When he finally laid you down he pulled the comforter over your body, pretty much tucking you in.

He took his shirt off before getting in beside you, “Comfortable?”

“Mhm,” you replied your brain feeling like it couldn’t think.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah. You just made my mind into goo,” you grumbled.

Bucky smiled before kissing your nose. “Good.” He held you around your waist. “So,” he breathed, “what do you think about meeting everyone.”

“How much is everyone?” You asked with a smile, turning to him.

“There’s James. And, he had a son also named James and then he had a son named Kyle. He’s twenty-two.” Bucky laughed.

Your jaw dropped. “Jesus.”

He was still laughing. “I know, right. And he looks just like me. It’s kinda scary.” But, there was this softness in his face. It was different than the one he gave you, but there was almost this pride you’d never seen him have before. “Then there’s Becca. She’s so much like me it’s terrifying. She even has a friend like Steve. It’s awful.”

This time you laughed with him. “Would it be bad if I met them?” You asked.

He shook his head. “No. I’ve been wanting you to, they’ve even been asking, but I just... I didn’t wanna freak you out about being a great grandma.”

You pouted, creasing your brow. “Baby, I know how strange your life is to say the least. I’ve kinda made peace with the idea that there’s going to be random shit popping up. Kinda what I signed up for when I agreed to marry an old man.”

Bucky’s jaw dropped, before he patted your butt. “You’re such a brat,” he said before kissing you. Then he pulled you away. “Wait I didn’t tell you about Noel and Kimmy.”

You laughed and then wrapped your arms around him as he told you about the two youngest kids. God you felt like such an asshole now. Maybe a blowjob later would make it up to him.

[oitommothetease]

Invisible String (4/?)

Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Female reader (Modern AU)

Description: James Buchanan Barnes, the owner of the most expensive-looking club in town and your new apartment. He was a dick and you hated him. What could possibly go wrong when you, the new girl in town, start bartending at his club to pursue your dreams?

Word Count: 2.6k words

Warning: 18+ (discussion of assault, nervous breakdown, anxiety attack, just don’t read this whole series if you are a kid)

You woke up to a night of dreamless sleep like you always did, but then the events of the previous night hit you. You wished it was a dream, but one look in the mirror and a bruise running along your cheek was enough to confirm. Not only that, but you remembered asking your boss to stay over, but you didn't expect him to. The blanket on your living room’s couch and the bowl of fruits and a glass of juice situated out for you on the kitchen counter proved that he did stay.

And then the reality sunk in, you have a decision to make. You can either go to the cops or let that guy get away. The latter sounded not so great, but you knew going to the cops isn't going to be great either. You've seen enough detective shows to know that. You've had enough, and you just wanted to forget it. 

What did Mr. Barnes mean when he said you were going to talk about this? Are you supposed to visit him before work? Is he going to come to your place?

You decided to work on your book but ended up not being able to concentrate, so you started watching a show and fell asleep while watching it. Maybe some Chinese take-out could make you feel better. It didn't. Nothing made you feel better. You wished you had some friends in this new town because you didn't want to burden your work friends. 

After a horrible day of trying to cope, when you finally made your way to the club, you noticed the security was increased. Usually, security guards weren't present inside the club, but today it was different. Everyone was so vigilant and you felt a little safer. If you didn't know any better, you'd think Mr. Barnes did it for you, but again he would have done the same thing for any other employee. 

"Boss wants to see you," Pietro told you. You were about to head for Clint's office when the blond twin spoke again and pointed his finger towards the stairs." The boss."

Okay, well maybe playing naïve couldn't avoid this meeting, so you slowly walked upstairs. How bad could this go, it's not like he saw you in your most vulnerable state? Oh, wait, he did. 

You knocked on his office door, wanting to rip the band-aid and get over with it. 

"Hey," you said, faking a smile. "Thanks for getting me home last night and for breakfast today. I didn't even know I had fruits and juice at home because let's be honest, I'm a toast and coffee kinda gal."

Mr. Barnes didn't say anything, he just looked at you as if you were a confusing puzzle that he couldn't solve. He raised a hand towards the seat in front of him and you took it, nervously fiddling with your fingers under the table.

“You do that a lot, you know?” he asked, it wasn't a question, it was merely an observation.

“What?”

“Deflecting a serious issue by using a joke.” Mr. Barnes observed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What are you? My therapist?”

He arched an eyebrow, indicating that you were literally doing the thing he pointed out. 

"Yeah, well, it's called having a healthy coping mechanism. You should try getting one, brooding is only gonna help you this far."

 "It's not healthy if you're not dealing with it," Mr. Barnes pointed out. 

You scoffed in incredulity and you felt very, very attacked. 

What is it? Attacking y/n day?, you thought. 

"Anyway, I think I want to press charges," You changed the subject to a more serious conversation to avoid him calling you out on your bullshit. 

"Okay, I understand.” 

“You do?” You asked, bewilderment clearly written all over your face. “I mean, letting an employee go to the cops is not gonna be great for your club's reputation and yours too. And, you know, considering the shady business, you do-” 

"What exactly do you think we do?" He asked.

And that's when it hit you, you didn't know what he did or mob bosses do in general. All your knowledge about it came from movies and Wattpad, both of them are not a great place to gain knowledge.

“What exactly do you do?” you pondered.

 He obviously wasn't expecting you to directly ask him, nobody has directly asked him or even made it known that they are aware of his work. It was kind of like a silent pact that everybody signed for, everybody except you, apparently. 

“Um, you know, I've been working for almost 2 weeks here now, and I haven't seen any drugs around here, so it's obviously not drugs. You don't look like the sex trafficking types-”

 "Jesus, woman!" He exclaimed, offended by your assumptions. 

"Then just tell me what you do."

You expected him to tell you something, but he just kept looking at you with a face void of emotions.

 "Fine, don't tell me," you mumbled, raising your hands dramatically in defeat. 

“So you don't mind me ruining your reputation by going to the cops?” 

“I told you I don't care. Your safety is my utmost priority,” your face might have given away the surprise you felt because he quickly backpedaled. ”I mean, the safety of my employees.”

“The safety of my employees is my utmost priority,” he told you, providing an extra emphasis on the word employees. “Anyway, one of my people would take you to the police station near-"

You cut him off immediately. 

"No, you can't tell anyone else. I don't want everyone hopping on the pity train. I'm already ashamed that you know about it," you pleaded but your voice was firm, telling him that this was not up for a discussion.

At this, his eyes and features softened. Bucky didn't want you to feel guilty or ashamed for somebody else's actions, but clearly, you did. 

"Okay, then I can take you. You just had to explain to the officer last night’s events, and they'll ask you to recognize Rumlow and then we can-"

Mr. Barnes’s voice faded into the background when it finally hit you.

"You know what, I changed my mind. It's too much. I don't want to press charges anymore. I didn't think this through," you backtracked. You did think this through, but now all the factors were adding up in your brain. You'd have to explain the details to a cop who is probably going to be another man and a stranger, and then they'd ask you to identify the guy. You didn't think you had it in you to face him. At least not now. 

He interpreted your thought process and promptly changed the topic. "Okay, we can work with whatever you want, and at least let Peter escort you home after work."

"What? No!” You quickly declined.

“It's for your own safety,” Bucky tried to reason. He wasn't letting you get off this easily.

 “I'm a strong, independent woman and I'm not scared of anything.” 

That was a lie. You were scared of many things like heights, dark, spiders, confrontation and the list goes on and on. 

You remembered all the lectures your mom gave you telling you that women should be scared because men are monsters, and you'd lose your honor if you are reckless and some other patriarchal crap that you didn't pay attention to. But you weren't scared, you were just always careful. You'd always put the keys between your knuckles when you went home alone. In your previous job, you used to laugh it off whenever your coworkers made a sexist joke. You'd ignore the subtle shoulder touch that your previous boss did. You told yourself that this is what it takes to make it. If you were to run away every time someone eyed you in a wrong way, then you'd spend your whole life running. 

Women usually shrug this behavior off as it is what is, but the truth is it shouldn't be like this.

“Please, I insist.” 

“I'm very capable of taking care of myself. Just because one bad incident happened doesn't mean I'll fucking break!” You stated, your voice louder than your regular voice to get across your point.

That was also a lie. You were walking on a thin line and you were ignoring your emotions. You were one outburst away from a breakdown, and you just couldn't bring yourself to feel anything. 

Mr. Barnes tried to call your name, but you were already bolting out of his office. 

You needed a drink. No, fuck that. You needed multiple drinks. It wasn't exactly wise to get drunk during work, but it couldn't get any shittier than this, right?, you thought.

Right?

 Wrong. It could get way shittier than this. Now it was almost midnight, you were kind of tipsy, and you could see two Mr. Stark, your regular customer, in front of you. 

Did he have a twin? Is he and his twin brother one of those identical twins that dress up the same? Because that's what it looked like.

 “Earth to y/n," Mr. Stark said, or was it his twin? It was getting hard to keep track anymore.

 And that's when you noticed. 

“Holy, Shit. You're triplets, Mr. Stark," you announced. 

"Okay, kid, close my tab.”

“Hey, y/n. Are you okay?” Peter asked, noticing the concerned look Mr. Stark gave him before leaving.

“Yes, I'm fine. Absolutely fine.”

***

Turns out you were not fine. You've been pretty much hammered for the past week, and you could barely get a sentence out without giggling or slurring. Your colleagues took notice of your state and whenever someone pointed it out, you'd just shrug it off as a bad day or a bad week. There was no concept of time in your drunk state.

You couldn't concentrate on your book, you could barely look at someone without squinting, and you've been eating takeout and leftovers for the past few days. 

James would have fired if someone working under him was this irresponsible, but he knew your reasons. He knew you clearly weren't coping with the trauma well. Your work ethics were shoved down the trash that even Clint asked why you weren't fired yet.

Bucky didn't want to talk to you, he thought that maybe giving you some space would do you good, but clearly it wasn't working. Usually, the mob boss didn't interfere in the affairs of his employees, it was Clint's job, but when you smashed a bottle on the head of a customer, he had to interject.

“I TOLD THIS FUCKER NO!” you yelled, Peter’s hand around your middle from behind. Another empty beer bottle was in your hand, ready to be smashed across the face of the drunk dude in front of you.

Pietro and Wanda were enjoying the show. Peter, being the peace lover he is, held you back when you smashed a bottle across a drunk customer's face. Even though Peter was younger than you, he was stronger, and he was not only holding you back but also himself. He didn't want to cause a scene and that is why he was mulling comforting words in your ear like, he's not worth it, you're gonna kill this guy.

Damn right I am, you thought.

It was ironic because everyone in that club had killed someone except you.

When Bucky walked into the room, the drunk guy turned towards him and pointed at you. ”You are hiring crazy bitches now? Just called her baby girl and she went psycho!!!”

Bucky didn't understand what was happening. He told the security guards to take that man outside his club and he walked towards you. He firmly yet gently took a hold of your left arm, signaling Peter to let go of you. Without a word, he started walking in the direction of his office, dragging you along with him.

Once near his office, he lightly yanked your hand and shoved you inside, making you stand in front of him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he inquired, having had enough of your incompetence.

You were seething with rage. "Wrong with me? I told him no, but he didn't listen."

Bucky stepped forward, his anger dissipating into sympathy. " I know, he mumbled, "and I'm so-"

 "No, you don't know!" you yelled, body trembling and tears welling up in your eyes. "I told him no multiple times, I even tried to push him off me, but he just kept coming back."

Bucky's eyes furrowed in confusion. He didn't understand your words, the drunk customer didn't touch you. And that's when he realized, you weren't talking about the drunk customer. He cognized that the drunk guy purely triggered something that you've been suppressing for days now. Bucky was aware that you needed to get it out of your system to cope healthily.

“I told him no, you know? But he just wouldn't listen,” you stated, trying to convince yourself that you didn't lead him on. ”And he was so…. so strong and… and then he hit me and everything just went blur, I couldn't see but... but I could still feel him with me.”

Not realizing that you were not in that place anymore, you wrapped your hand around yourself to seek some sort of protection and comfort, bottom lip quivering, the welled up traitorous tears were streaming down your face and all you could think about was that night. 

“I… I can't get his touch out,” you stammered. ” I shower, multiple times a day, but I still can't get his touch out.”

With that, you broke down completely and shattered on the floor, sobbing ferociously. Your knees ached because of the position you were situated in, but the emotional pain was enough to overshadow the physical one.

For once in his lifetime, Bucky did not know what to do. Cautiously, he made his way towards you and knelt down in front of you. He did not know what to say or do to make you feel better.

You launched your body towards him, snaking your arms around his shoulder to settle on his neck as if he was the only thing grounding you. You lurched onto him like he was your anchor, and maybe he was. It took a minute for Bucky to register your actions, and when he did, he wrapped his arms around your middle and closed the minuscule distance separating you.

He surprised himself with the way one of his hands automatically reached for your hair and whispered words of comfort in your ear. He caught you as you crumpled physically and emotionally. 

”You're going to be okay, doll,” he whispered and kissed your temple with sincerity. ”I will make sure of that.”

The second part was barely audible, it wasn't meant for you, it was a promise he made to himself.

Bucky held you tightly yet gently while you sobbed on his shoulder.

 He didn't know how long he held you, it felt like an eternity to him with the way he could feel the guilt and rage inside him. When you passed out in his arms, he gently placed you on one of the comfortable couches in his office and draped a blanket around you that he had for when he would work late at night.

An office chair might not be the most ideal place to spend the night in, but it didn't matter to Bucky. All that mattered was you.

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