#but this was kind of a last minute decision and i dont have a hotel room

[stupot]

im going to otakon tomorrow and saturday :3 not cosplaying because it is. going to be 110 degrees and i have to commute by bus followed by shuttle (my metro station is closed for construction for 3 months) followed by metro. so. sorry Lupin. you'll have to wait until another con

[doromoni]

Not Over the Papaya | OP81

⊹ ｡•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Ships : Oscar Piastri x Popstar! Reader , Ex!Lando Norris x Popstar! Reader

Genre : Fluff Smau

A/N : Thank you guys for dropping messages 🧡 I really really appreciate them and I love interacting w/ u guys 🥺. If you have questions or anything u want to say to me~ go ahead and don’t be shy.

Face claim : Jennie Kim

Warnings : Cursing , Grammatical Errors

Summary : Y/N and Oscar cope with their own breakups by making the Heartbreak Club.

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

< Previous | Part 11 | Next >

skysportsf1

liked by user1 and others

skysportsf1 P3 for Oscar! Catch up with the interview with our Fav Aussie in Papaya

user1 This interview was filled with so much tension (?) I can’t explain it.

user2 Osc looks like his both happy and at the same time angry??

user3 YES EXACTLY. Boy was seething and so uncomfortable when he was asked about Lando and Mclaren… then he was all smiles for the last question??

user4 “i’m paid to race, so I’ll race” OK SIR 🥶

user5 Oscar said fuck Lando’s race, I’m driving for myself

user6 Kimi Raikkonen is back y’all… hello Ice man

user7 Oscar has the WDC mentality 🔥

user8 A lot will happen?? what will happen huh Oscar Jack Piastri?? tell us.

user9 He is planning smth i swear.

user10 Ok Osc is pissed about Mclaren. That joke about losing his job was so dry, boi was angry fr.

user11 watch out for lap 1 turn 1 tomorrow. Oscar is taking the gap!!

f1wags.

liked by user1 and user2

f1wags Y/N was spotted leaving the Hilton (McLaren’s hotel).

user1 Noooooooooo Y/N pls dont leave! like where are you even going 😭

user2 First Y/N wasnt present in Quali and now she’s leaving the hotel??? what happened to her and Oscar??

user1 pls dont let them end before they even started

user2 I just got to know about them and I refuse to let it go!

user3 Did she leave with her luggage? maybe she went out for smth??

user4 She was spotted carrying her suitcase😭

user5 Lando Norris I swear to everything you love I’ll hunt you down

user6 Seriously, he couldn’t just let Y/N be happy huh? Bro had to cheat and make more problems 🤡

user7 Ik!! Dude stay on your lane. You end ella deserve each other so much

user8 who’s ella?

user9 Oh shes just Y/N’s ex friend that Lando cheated with 🤢. Lando and her really do complement each other so well 🤡

user10 WHY IS THERE A RUMOR THAT Y/N AND OSCAR ARE OVER?!!

user11 I mean if its true and they’re done… they couldnt even last 1 race week together. What kind of relationship is that 🙂

user12 @user11 a normal one?? imagine having so much stress and an ex trying to sabotage your love life.

*incoming call from Osc🧡

Pick up or Decline

Decline

*incoming call from Osc🧡

Pick up or Decline

Decline

*incoming call from Osc🧡

Pick up or Decline

Decline

Notification : you received a message from Osc🧡

*incoming call from Osc🧡

Pick up or Decline

Pick Up

“I’m literally on the way, Osc. stop worrying!”

“I know, I know! I just miss you so much my most beautiful and lovely girlfriend”

“And whose fault was that hmm?”

“Mine…”

“Uhuh, I’ll be over there in a few minutes be patient dum-dum”

“Did John give you the keys to my room?”

“He did. I still can’t believe you got a room next to Charles’s without the rest of McLaren knowing that one of their drivers is not in their hotel”

“Well that one of the pros of them only caring about Lando’s ass”

“Thank you McLaren favoritism. I still can’t fucking believe that they’re ordering you around for personal matters”

“Yeah, fucking unbelievable. I thought Alpine was the worst. What employer has the right to dictate their driver’s personal decisions? they’re fucking crazy.”

“But are you sure you want to disobey orders? We could always keep us lowkey…”

“Screw lowkey and screw team orders! I’m not keeping us a secret!”

“As long as you want it Osc, I’m ok with anything as long as i’m with you”

“I’m perfectly sure, Dear”

“Ok. Oh! I’m near the hotel.”

“I’ll fetch you in the lobby alright?”

“mhm. Bye ~ love you!”

“love you more”

call ended

Y/N. close friends 3m

story replies

oscarpiastri am i forgiven then my luv? 🥺

Y/N. Hell nah, im still making you work for it 😌

oscarpiastri We have our whole lives, take your time~ im not leaving baby. Till death do us part girl.

Y/N. Wtf, i’m your girlfriend for hours and ur thinking about marriage???

oscarpiastri Yes. ur meeting my parents next week 🥰😘

Y/N. I have no words Oscar Jack Piastri

oscarpiastri an I do would be great

Y/N. I cant with you HAHAHAHAHA i love you so much. thank you for not giving up on us

oscarpiastri I love you so much more and I’m not making the mistake of letting you go.

danielricciardo Girl you were just crying yesterday I-

Y/N. ok now i’m crying for a different reason

danielricciardo I dont want to hear your sex life with Osc. pls dont 😷

Y/N. DANNY WTF NOT THAT 😩. I meant I’m crying tears of joy… I’m not going to talk about my sex life with u tf

danielricciardo that’s what i meant stupid! ur like a sister to me. Get u and oscs germs away from me🤢

Y/N. Stfu dweeb 🤓.

danielricciardo thank fuck that u two straightened things out . You two owe me big time for being ur messenger 😤

Y/N. yeah yeah~ thanks danny 😘🧡

danielricciardo I’m not kidding, you OWE me 🤡

y/bf DAMN OK. I expected an update but not this . Holy damn Y/N! so you and osc are good then?

Y/N. We areeeeee… and its official~ 🙈

y/bf Oh thank goodness!! Im so glad y/nieee 😭. I was about to book a flight too, you bitch!

Y/N. Really?? ughh you really do love me.

Y/bf are you happy?

Y/N. Yes. I really am .. and I think Osc and I need a to label our relationship. sooo yeahh~ let more drama pour, at least now we know where we stand.

f1wags.

liked by user1 and others

f1wags. Y/N is in the paddock for the race 🧡

user1 Y/N FINALLY!! girl ur lack of attendance made us worry!! pls tell us u and osc are ok???

user2 The 2 days you’ve been gone in the paddock made everyone crazy! Theories of breakups and come backs are spread 😭

user3 Y/N strutting back in the paddock like nothing happened ~ Ok slay. I need that type of confidence

user4 Fr, Y/N waltzing in like she didn’t just drop a literal diss track on Lando

user5 As she should 💅

user6 THAT FIT THO 🥵🔥

user7 she ain’t dressing Lowkey Y’all . She’s here and she’s ready to serve!

user8 when Oscar said things are happening? things are HAPPENING and it starts with Y/N L/N.

user9 Ok Y/N! show them what’s up.

user10 McLaren can’t stop this girl.

Y/N. 45m

story replies

oscarpiastri Thank you Baby 🧡

Y/N. That overtake in turn 1 was so good Osc!! I got goosebumps

oscarpiastri ur only saying that cuz I got Lando down into P4 with my move

Y/N. NO you just were amazing! ngl i did enjoy throwing Lando out ��

oscarpiastri I did promise a show 😉 and speaking of shows~ I need to go to our de breifing and watch them clown around.

Y/N. Okay! I’ll be with Alex at Ferrari. Call me when you need meeee. Bye luv.

* at McLaren motorhome, driver debriefing room.

-what the fuck was that at turn 1 Oscar?!-

-That’s what you call racing, I saw a gap and I took it-

-You cost me my race. That podium should be mine-

-Not my fault you bottled your first lap, now is it?-

-OK STOP. Oscar you should think about the team! Lando was on pole!-

-Funny how that works. You hired me to drive and I did. I got you your podium and points for your constructors-

-Follow team orders! that’s your fucking job-

-What you expect me to sit still and take it?-

-Yes, Oscar. That’s how this team works-

- Tsk and that goes for personal matters too?-

-Ah, so that’s what it is? This is about Y/N. Are you worried that she’ll see you as the loser you are?-

-Not at all, specially when I don’t get babied by the team. Tell me how does it feel like kissing up the boss’ ass? -

- FUCK YOU! -

-THAT’S ENOUGH. Oscar you should know when to stop! You’re still new here… learn your place and follow orders exactly as stated — and that goes with Y/N L/N keep your distance or face the consequences -

- Watch me -

*Incoming call from Osc🧡

Pick up or Decline

Pick up

“Hi Osc! are you done?”

“Dear, do you trust me?”

“What?…. about what?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes. I do”

“Ok. Baby we’re going public”

Extra A/N: hihihi did I scare you with the false breakup?? 🤭

Series Taglist : @champagneproblems17 @itsjustfranzi @cheriwritesig @forza-charles @awritingtree @sltwins @gr1mes-cc @hwalllllllelujah @btsfluffsworld @tillyt04 @landotd @booksandflowrs @czennieszn @thatsouthernblondewiththeass @tellybearryyyy @wobblymug @alittlechaotics-blog @bingussthirdtoe @mirrorball-6 @demandealalune @heartsforleclerc @yoongi-holland @maneskin-slave @alenix @forensicheart @bloodyymaryyy @stereading @hahahjej @youre-on-your-ownkid : closed

Maintaglist : @myescapefromthislife @peterholland04 @charlottef1 @fangirl125reader @mel164 @gnarlycore @chloelovesln4 @vickykazuya @merchelsea @ln4author @qzmef @nxk1309 @styl1shl1v @lottalove4evelyn @gr3yhues : closed for now

[w3irdo666]

LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

PART 1/ PART 2/ PART 3

Lucifer Morningstar x Fem!reader

Letter count:2666

Warnings: mention of depression, i dont think anything more.

Notes:I slightly changed the course of events to make it more convenient to write, sorry!!!

Two angels were sitting on a bench in a small garden filled with different types of flowers. In front of the bench there was a fountain with clear, almost mirror-like water, giving the air a slightly damp taste. “I...I’m not sure if I can...you don’t have to be on my side, my idea is stupid-” Lucifer didn’t have time to finish when his words were interrupted by the girl’s soft laugh. She smiled and took Lucifer’s hands in hers, soft as plushie, warm hands, making Lucifer's heart beat a little faster. "Don't worry Luci, I will always be by your side, no matter what happens. It's my decision and your idea is not stupid. If they don't hear you... It will only show their stupidity." Her calm, kind voice added confidence to Lucifer. He smiled and looked away for a few seconds, but then moved his gaze back to the girl next to him. "Yes, you're right.. Thank you." His eyes looked into yours, radiating warmth.Moving closer, the girl hugged Lucifer. It was a warm, encouraging hug. “I will always support you, no matter what. I will always be by your side.”

Lucifer's sad gaze was directed at the new rubber duck he had just made. He sighed and leaned back in his chair. Small, clear as glass, tears formed in the corners of his eyes, remembering his last moments in heaven, before his expulsion. Y/n. This girl was his friend, always supported his idea, was ready to give every part of herself to support Lucifer. Where are she now? How is her life? Is she happy? He does not know. "I will always be by your side, no matter what." Lucifer sobbed, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his suit.These words are ingrained in his head. He no longer really remembers her face, but he definitely remembers how soft her hands were. Her radiant smile.. He almost forgot what her laughter sounds like.Her beautiful, plump scarlet lips, which he always wanted to know what they tasted like. She was a ray of light in the darkness. How beautiful her wings were when she flew with him...Years of suffering, loneliness, depression.. during all this time he tried forget about her, because thoughts about her hurt him even more....

Trying to distract himself, he started making rubber ducks, "how pathetic". He thought.

Somehow finding the strength to get up from his chair, the King of Hell headed to his bed. The bed cracked slightly, feeling the weight of his body when Lucifer fell onto the soft mattress of the bed.

"You can't just go ahead and banish him! How dare you!" Tears flowed down the girl’s cheeks, burning her skin. Her voice almost broke from screaming. But no one wanted to hear her. No one cared.

Lucifer turned over on his back, his gaze staring at the ceiling. He would have continued to lie in deathly silence if the silence had not been broken by the unexpected ringing of the phone, causing Lucifer to flinch. With a quick movement, he rose from the bed and grabbed the phone.

"Daughter..?.... Daughter! Daughter calling!" Seeing the contact's name, Lucifer's sad face burst into a joyful smile and he almost dropped his phone. Charlie, his daughter is calling him! After a slightly awkward conversation, he said that he would be at Charlie’s hotel in an hour. After hanging up, he took a deep breath and smiled. The sadness that had been gnawing at him a few minutes ago was put on the back burner...

Taking a deep breath, he gathered his strength. He would finally see his daughter, after a long time. He couldn't screw it up.

Part 2 in progress!! Hope you enjoyed!! :D

[stylecouncil]

i just cannot get over the fact that she thinks she can pull out of a nonrefundable festival last minute when her fans spent hundreds of dollars on tickets and hotels and transport and used their pto. like a. she straight up does not care about her fans at all and seems to actually resent them at worst and just not understand/care what kind of effect her decisions have on working people bc she isnt one of them at best and b. i go to my 18 dollars an hour service industry job mentally ill every single day bc if i call out last minute i will get fired so i really dont want to hear how horrible and hard it is to be a pop star ...

it wouldn’t even be so bad if she didn’t feel the need to run this weird commentary about how it’s all “fames” fault or their fault or something. like I can understand having resentment toward a fanbase or whatever like some of my favorite artists have a sometimes contentious relationship with their fans and in the right scenario that can be quite interesting/have purpose but it’s just like…..you make shitty music with no lyrical substance and lied about being from a trailer park. that’s who you are. you make music for bad tiktok playlists. like if have enough of your wits about you to make stupid backpedaling tiktoks about how you’re voting for kamala harris to bend to your stupid fans demands can’t you show up for a concert? you’re not lying half dead in an alleyway somewhere not aware of what day it is like you’re fine. most people get up and go to work through far worse. like not to sound like some old ass “this generation is so soft” person because like I don’t feel that way, I just think there’s a certain sort of archetype of annoying upper middle class thread of this generation that feels so completely soft and useless to me and she’s like the poster girl for it. can’t speak in anything but tiktok buzzwords even when talking about her “art”, professes to have “radical queer” ideas but tows the line as soon as they’re met with any resistance, takes upon airs of rural poverty and destitution that they have no actual material claim to. it’s just culturally dire to me.

[reidyoulikeabook]

Right Where You Left Me

Ship: BAU! Gender Neutral! reader x Spencer Reid

#Request - Could you do some angst with “you dont deserve my forgiveness?” Any ship!

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: Mention of death, violence, injury (not serious), angst, mourning, a lot of tears. Also, swearing, anger, fighting (verbal, not physical.)

Summary: You and Spencer Reid had been together for a year before he ‘died.’ You grieved him. You mourned him.

A/N: Title stolen from my (current) favourite Taylor Swift song. Not sure how I feel about this one but! Here it is anyway! My requests are open & pls feel free to let me know what you think!!

14 days and 30 minutes exactly

You don’t think about the day Spencer Reid died. You can’t, because even remembering he’s dead feels as if an ice bucket has been tipped over your head. Not even now, two weeks later, have you really gotten over the initial shock that you felt. Every waking moment felt like you were trying to solve some kind of never-ending puzzle. Each emotion was overwhelming, too much to process. It felt like things would only start to get better, like everybody promised they would, when you started to be able to name the emotions rather than describe them as the physical sensations they brought on.

And you didn’t think that’d happen anytime soon.

The shared apartment was too much. You hadn’t slept in your bed since he’d been gone, and forbid anyone else from going into the bedroom. It was a sanctuary.

You understood now more than ever why victims families never changed a thing about the room of their loved ones. Every single thing felt deliberate. Theirs. It was a reflection of the time they were most alive, living. A unique snapshot of them in motion. The mess they left that they expected to come home to.

Rationally, you knew that wasn’t true. There wasn’t a sock hanging off Spencer’s bedside table, or a clean cardigan balled up on the floor, for any reason other than he’d been in a rush that morning, and had left an uncharacteristically large mess in his wake. In more ways than one.

***

2 months, 5 days, 8 hours

Being back at work helps somewhat, but the office feels empty without him there to ramble off factoids about anything and everything, to hear Morgan calling him ‘kid’ every five minutes. He only called you that now.

Simmons is nice, really he is. It isn’t his fault he’s there in place of Spencer and you try hard not to feel personally aggrieved by his presence. He doesn’t do anything to antagonise you, he stays out of your way more than anything. You don’t do anything to purposely make him uncomfortable: you do try to be agreeable and make small talk. But it’s hard not to look at him without thinking how, if everything was how it should be, Spencer would be stood in his place.

***

3 months, 26 days, 3 hours.

There is no ‘new normal.’ You’ve heard the term tossed around a few times in relation to grief, but if there is a new normal you’re still struggling to find it. When you’re not on cases, there’s no ‘normal’. You still don't sleep in your own bed. Sometimes you stay on Rossi’s, or Morgan’s, or Garcia’s couch. Sometimes, read: maybe once, it’s in the spare room at the place you and Spencer used to share. Sometimes, when you get worried about being a burden, it’s a hotel. It’s easier to feel as if you’re choosing to stay away from home, rather than acknowledging that home, as you understand it, no longer exists.

You still wake up and instinctually search for Spencer most mornings. Sure, work is keeping you occupied and you smile a little more these days. You even allowed yourself to be dragged out for drinks last weekend. But nothing feels like it should. You don’t know if that’s normal for grief or if you just aren’t moving forward at all, doomed to tread yourself deeper into the melancholic quicksand that’s got a hold on you.

You talk at length about it with Garcia over wine one night.

“Nothing feels right,” you admit, “Everything just feels...”

Garcia waits, just tipping her chin slightly to encourage you to continue. She’s got the counsellor act down and you’d have the decency to feel embarassed if you weren’t just so damn exhausted all the time.

“I feel trapped, I guess. Like I’m frozen. I keep thinking maybe it’ll get better once the trials over. Once the whole legal aspect of it is over and put to bed, then maybe I’ll have some closure on the whole situation,” you mumble, “I just don’t know how to move forward. I don’t feel like I’ve moved forward. And I know it’s only been three months but I’ve only stayed at our apartment twice and I can’t bring myself to move any of his things and...”

She just waits. In that moment, you’re so grateful for her.

“I’m stuck here. I can’t change anything. I can’t bring myself to move any of his things. I’m paying rent on a place I don’t live in but I can’t move because how can I live somewhere he’s never been? I feel like I’m stuck. I can’t move out of the world he lived in but the world is moving on even without him. And I’m just...I’m just here, Garcia.”

She nods sympathetically, placing her hand on your arm, “Maybe it’ll help when the case is wrapped up. When you have that closure.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “Yeah. I hope so.”

“There’s something you’re not saying,” she says, gently, “And you don’t have to say it. But if you’re holding back because you feel guilty then you don’t have to feel guilty about anything you say to me, my darling.”

You start to well up then. The pressure in your chest is heavy, something akin to guilt. It slices into your chest, cut glass sitting between your ribs and slicing you open every time you breathe in. You’ve been thinking it a lot lately. Too much. It’s making you feel awful and you can’t decide if putting it out into the world verbally is going to be a release or make it feel too real.

Garcia waits patiently.

You decide to believe it’ll be the former, then whisper, “I wish I loved him less. I wish I’d loved him less so this wouldn’t hurt as much.”

And then the sobs come. The sobs that wrack your chest and sting your eyes and leave you looking like you’ve been on the receiving end of an upper cut. Because how could you? How could you possibly want to take back any of the love you had so willingly, freely, given to the person you loved most? What kind of person did it make you to want to take back the good memories: to wish that instead of having waffles on the couch that last Sunday, you’d had a fight about the library fine he’d gotten because of you? How could you want to switch the puzzle pieces to create a less idyllic picture of your life together, just so you wouldn’t feel so much loss when you looked at it?

She just rubs your back through it, knowing that no words can help but still saying the thing she thinks you need to hear most, “That doesn’t make you a bad person, sugar plum. That makes you human.”

***

4 months, 6 days, 14 hours.

Hotch calls you all into the briefing room.

“A few months ago a decision had to be made. Somebody had the potential to make an incredible breakthrough on a case that had been airtight for years. But it wasn’t possible for that individual to complete that work without cover. They needed to be officially gone,” Hotch’s voice booms but you swear you can hear a hesitation, “It wasn’t necessary at the time for you to have that information. Providing you with it would have compromised the safety of one of our agents, and the integrity of their investigation.”

You glance around the room, confused, noticing everyone is sharing the same bewildered look. Except Emily.

“I apologise completely for having to keep this from you, it was a decision that was not taken lately, and I did not have the final say. That being said, any discontent about this decision should be directed towards me,” he glances towards Emily, and she’s looking nervous now.

Hotch lets out a huff, somehow more tense than usual, “SSA Reid was not killed after the attack in Seattle. That was his cover, but he was investigating a case.”

He’s still talking but you can’t hear anything. SSA Reid was not killed. SSA Reid was not killed. You flip the sentence over a hundred times. And for the millionth time since SSA Reid was killed, you have no idea what you feel.

There’s uproar from everybody. Shouting. And then Hotch says something and everybody is looking at you, scanning you for a reaction and you have nothing. Nothing at all.

“Hi,” a voice from the doorway, nervous and shy, a voice you’ve only heard in dreams and voicemails and recordings from nights out that you must have watched hundreds of times by now, if they were tapes you would have worn them out long ago.

And you know you can’t face him. You can’t face any of them.

You look around the room, first at Hotch whose eyes flicker with what looks like remorse. Then, at Emily who just looks guilty as all hell. You don’t look at him. You can’t look at him.

The tension in the room is palpable but in your peripheral you see Garcia and J.J flock to the doorway, embracing him.

Rossi, is the one who comes to you, “____?”

You stare at him, completely blankly, “Yeah?”

“You need to speak to him. Need to hear him out.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, allowing him to help you to your feet. His reassuring hands on your shoulders turn you around and you meet his face. The face of the boyfriend you spent the last four months mourning while everybody watched you fall apart. And half of them knew.

So that’s what you feel. Anger.

“Glad you’re back,” you snipe, pushing past him, “Glad you’re alive.”

Everybody watches you go. A tense silence fills the room. Spencer clears his throat, after what feels like an eternity, muttering, “I-I’ll go after ... I’ll go and see if I can...”

It wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for, if he’s honest. Although he wasn’t sure what exactly he’d been expecting.

“____ please, just let me talk to you, I’m sorry, please just let me have a chance to explain,” He manages to catch you at the elevator just in time, slipping through the gap with his lithe body, “Please. I need to explain. I need to apologise.”

“You can apologise as much as you want. You don’t deserve my forgiveness. You’ll never deserve my forgiveness.”

The venom in your tone leaves him floundering.

“___ please,” he’s begging, and you won’t look at him because you can hear the tears in his voice and he’s begging again, “Please, please look at me, please listen to me. You have to understand, you have to give me a chance to explain, please.”

You’ve never been this angry at him before. But you are now. It consumes you, you’ve never understood a crime of passion before and you’re not going to put your hands on him, of course, but fuck do you understand it now. How a person could just snap. The rage swells in you, screaming. Every muscle in your body is tense. It takes all you have to ball your hands into fists, digging your nails into your palm so hard you’re sure they break the skin. You’re furious. Furious at every single one of them.

“You lied to me,” you spit, “You lied to me and let me think you were dead. You and Hotch and Emily. I didn’t sleep in our bed for four months, Spencer. I’ve spent the past four months frozen, like, I couldn’t move forward without you. I didn’t start to move on. I've spent the last four months falling apart and trying to find a way to put myself back together without you, and then what, you just come back? You think we can just go back to normal? Spencer, I didn’t feel alive this past few months. I’ve been floating through, barely keeping it together. And for what? A case? That was important enough for you to do this to me?"

It’s true, you’ve spent the last four months feeling like you were the one who died. That you were united in being ghosts, except you were haunting all the places you used to go together, and he was just haunting your dreams. And he’d been alive. This. Whole. Time.

You storm out of the lift, lifting your head to look at him for only the second time in four months, “Please. Just leave me alone. You’ve done enough.”

He knows you aren’t wrong. Knows he doesn’t know if he could forgive you if the roles were reversed. Knows, more than anything, that he’s really fucked things up. You’ll never forgive him. That’s what you said, and right now, seeing anger like never before in your eyes, he has no reason whatsoever to doubt that isn’t completely true.

You don’t even make it to the parking lot before you feel your resolve melt into absolutely nothing. Anger descending into relief, hot tears cascading down your cheeks as the mantra starts again on a new loop in your head: SSA Reid was not killed.

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Rockabye Royalty (One-Shot)

-------------------------

"I dont care! Just get out of my house! I'm not taking care of a stupid baby!" Virgil's head rang with the sound of his boyfriend's yells. He hadnt meant for this to happen. He'd been on the pill, there was hardly a time when he wasn't. Erin had promised to keep him safe, he'd promised that nothing was going to break them apart. Yet here he was with fury in his eyes, holding a stick with two lines on it.

"Erin you promised! You said you werent going to leave!" Tears were pouring from Virgil's eyes, his chest was tight, he could barely see straight.

"I never promised anything for a baby!." And then Virgil was on the sidewalk, leaning against the building with his head in his hands. He couldn't go back inside to get his things, that was for sure.

"I'm so sorry. . ." He whispered, holding a hand to his stomach. They were supposed to be a family, they were supposed to be happy together. He was only twenty, he couldnt take care of a baby.

Virgil waited for himself to calm down, staring up at the sky in the hopes that no one would look at him.

When he finally calmed down he made his way to the nearest hotel he could find, he supposed it was lucky he'd always remembered his friend's advice of keeping the large bills in bras, Erin had always hated looking at those. Virgil pulled out a few before walking inside, covering up with his hoodie so it didnt look strange.

"How many nights can this cover?" Virgil said to the woman at the desk, placing a few twenties on the counter. He bit his lip, not really expecting an answer.

The woman looked him up and down, a sympathetic look in her pale green eyes.

"Stay as long as you need sweetheart, I'll cover it for you," Virgil let out a sigh of relief, he felt like he was about to start crying.

"Thank you thank you thank you-" he stopped himself from adding anymore thank yous at the last minute.

"Do you need anything special in particular?" Asked the woman, Virgil scanned for her name tag, Mrs. Evans.

"I uh-" he paused, shuffling his feet. He wasnt sure this would count as special arrangements or get him turned away. Subconsciously he pulled his hoodie further over his stomach.

Mrs. Evans' eyes widened, a look of realization dawning on her face. She ducked under the counter and thrust a key into his hands.

"Here you go, room 13, and dont you worry about meals or anything, it's all free," she pushed a few magazines toward him, a quick scan of the covers showed him a few job opportunities. Virgil merely nodded, scooping up the magazines and rushing off to the room, he heard Mrs. Evan's making a call in the distance, she sounded worried, he felt a twinge of guilt in his chest.

The room was larger than he'd expected for only having one bed. There was a tv, multiple appliances, including a coffee machine, and of course, a bathroom. Virgil sat down in the couch at the corner of the room, opening the blinds slightly before holding his hands to his face.

"Oh gods what am I going to do for clothes? I cant go looking for jobs yet! I wouldnt even be able to stay that long!" He didnt really know who he was talking to, there was no one else in the room.

He got an answer to his question a few days later when what seemed to be a trash bag full of clothing showed up on his doorstep. He picked up the card attached to it, but all that was there was the image of a heart bursting into flames, with a crown around its middle. Virgil shrugged and dragged the clothes into the room. It was mostly hoodies and overly large t-shirts, but there were a few outfits in an appropriate size as well. He set to work on hanging them all up, ignoring the pain in his stomach.

The real problem started a few months later. He'd been laying on his bed watching the tv and flipping through a magazine when he felt it, the baby was coming.

He didn't think he'd have time to get to the hospital, but he remembered an offer Mrs. Evan's, or Cassira as he knew her now, had made a few days after he'd gotten there. He buzzed the front desk quickly and in a matter of minutes, there she was.

Virgil didnt remember much else, if he was being honest with himself he'd probably passed out. When he opened his eyes he was laying in the bath tub, a mess of towels and a pair of underwear and sweatpants discarded on the floor. He blinked a few times, and then he heard crying.

"Shhh, shhh, it's ok little one,look, daddy's awake, its ok," Cassira was holding something swaddled in Virgil's hoodie, she passed it over to him and he held the small child in his arms.

"Its a girl," Cassira said, not putting much emphasis on the last word.

"Hi," Virigl said softly, looking at the mini version of himself swaddled in the jacket. She had the same soft face, and the same purple and green heterochromia, though her hair was a more jet black color, like Erin's. She smiled as she looked at Virgil, letting out a laugh somewhat like wind chimes.

"You let me know if you need anything," said Cassira. Virgil nodded and watched her leave.

He sat there for a while, watching the bundle in his arms with a fond smile on his face.

"I think we'll call you, Olivia," Virgil said, holding her close.

It took him a few minutes to finally get out of the tub, clean up, and redress himself, all the while keeping Olivia safe.

About six years had passed, Virgil was working full time at a retail job, the only thing he could get while he was working on a degree in Education. When he wasnt working or studying, all of his time went to Olivia. While they were still living at the hotel, Virgil had finally started earning enough to pay for her clothes and schooling and at least a few toys. He was looking into houses as well, he couldn't live in Room 13 for the rest of his life, even if it was free.

Virgil watched Olivia play with a rubik's cube he'd bought her as he wandered the aisles of the shopping center, uncomfortably aware of the people around him.

"Remus I'm just saying! It's not that bad of an idea!" Virgil stopped the cart just moments before a tall man with dark crimson hair and green eyes walked out in front of it.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" Virgil growled.

The man stopped "Remus I'm gonna have to call you back," he said, hanging up the phone.

"Sorry about that," he said.

"And who is this little princess," the man turned his attention to Olivia, who was sticking her tongue out in concentration over the colorful block in her hands.

"'m Olivia," she said quietly, giggling.

"And we were just leaving," Virgil said, anxious to get out of the aisle. Whoever this man was, he didnt want to be near him for to long.

The man opened his mouth to speak, but Virgil was already pushing past him.

But that wasnt the last time he'd meet the man. The two started seeing each other at nearly every store, on the way to the movies, and eventually, at the hotel itself.

"Ok, can you just admit you're stalking me like some freak or are you just going to act all innocent every time we bump into each other," Virgil said, covering Olivia's ears.

"I'm not doing it on purpose!" Said the man, Virgil took a step back.

"Wait- I didnt mean-" the man paused for a second, looking at his hands.

"Look, I'm not intentionally trying to meet up with you, though you seem like a nice guy, my name is Roman Prince-Duke, I run a modeling agency with my brother," Roman said, tapping his fingers together.

"Oh?" Virgil raised an eyebrow slightly.

"I wasnt taking pictures of you! I mean I'd like to- but like as a job! Not in a creepy way!" Virgil's face went red. This seemed to catch Olivia's attention, as she finally stopped fumbling with his hoodie strings to look over at Roman.

"Daddy's gonna marry a prince," she whispered, causing the blush on Virgil's face to grow even further. Roman let out a small chuckle, covering his mouth.

"Ollie that's not how it works sweetie," Virgil said with a laugh.

"So how much would I be paid? What are the requirements?" Virgil asked.

"Fifty dollars per photo, and you get to make the decision on outfits used and pose adjustments," Roman said.

"Alright, I'll bite," Virgil said, if he was honest, he'd do anything to get out of his current job.

It was about a week before he could finally make the shift. He'd decided to bring Olivia with him to the building. It was large and ornate, posters of attractive men and women were smiling down at him. But it was different, the people in the photos were dancing, singing, they were acting like people. Virgil pushed the door open, snatching Olivia out just before she started spinning it in circles.

"Daddy look!" Olivia pointed upwards towards a fountain at the center of the room.

"I see it Ollie," Virgil said, smiling. He walked to the front desk, where a short man with light brown hair and round glasses was typing away at a computer.

Virgil was about to open his mouth before the boy looked up, and noticed Olivia.

"Oh my gosh look at you! Arent you just the cutest thing!" Olivia giggled as the man ruffled her hair.

"You must be Virgil then? Roman's been absolutely raving about you," said the man.

"Did I hear my name Patton?" Roman said as he walked into the room, and then he noticed Virgil.

"Virgil! Lovely!" He clasped his hands together.

"Come with me, Patton can take care of Olivia while we're at our meeting," Roman said. Virgil stood there for a few seconds, looking between Patton and Olivia before finally letting go of her hand. She rushed behind the desk and stood on her tiptoes to stare at the computer.

Roman's office was covered in decorations of mythical creatures and outfit designs. In the center es a desk with two large and comfy looking chairs in front and behind it. Virgil sat down in the one in front, watching as Roman made his way to the opposite one.

"So, first things, you seem to be more into comfort yes? Overly large sweaters, t-shirts, sweatpants, that kind of thing?" Virgil nodded.

"Anything you absolutely wont do? Any aversions to skirts? Dresses?" Roman continued.

"As long as it's not form fitting and you cant see anything on my chest or below my waist I dont care," Virgil replied. Roman nodded and wrote something down.

Virgil had been at the job for about two months when he noticed the changes. He'd already known that he thought Roman was hot, but now Roman seemed to want to be around him more as well.

They went out for ice cream after photo shoots, Roman came with Virgil to pick out a new house, if Virgil needed a break Roman would let Patton watch Olivia so they two of them could have spa days.

Virgil had been suppressing it for a while, he didnt want to believe he was falling in love again, or that a boy was falling in love with him. He was afraid, afraid Roman would become the new Erin. But fate seemed to have other plans.

They were relaxing in a hot tub, Virgil's back pressed up against one of the jets, head resting on the outer rim.

"Virgil, I've been planning on this for a while, and I think now might be the best time to tell you," Roman spoke softly, but Virgil could still feel his limbs tense.

"You can say no if you want, I wont mind, but I think- I think I want to go on a date with you, like an official one," Virgil looked up, clutching the edge of the 'seat'.

"Well- I uh- I mean you're very nice but I-" Virgil could feel tears forming in his eyes.

"Oh no no Virgil- dont cry- I understand, you dont have to, we can just be friends," Roman pushed Virgil's hair out of his face, worried evident in his eyes.

"I-I do want to be more than friends- but I-" Roman's eyes widened suddenly, his hand instinctively moving to Virgil's side, his thumb brushing against Virgil's stomach.

"I wont, I swear, you have my permission to chuck me off a building if I do," Roman said, earning a laugh from Virgil.

Virgil wrapped his arms around Roman's neck, pressing their foreheads together and smiling.

"Then yes, I will date you," and Roman pulled Virgil into a kiss that would only be rivaled by the one they shared ten years later, with Olivia by Virgil's side, and her girlfriend by Roman's, as Virgil finally realized he'd found the man who would keep him and his daughter safe for as long as the family lived.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@nerosdayinhell

@meowthefluffy

@youtuberswithalex

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

@spooky-scary-virgil

@boobmaster69

@melodiread

@thefivecalls

[thequeenb]

I Needed To Hate You To Love Me (part 6)

Pairings: KamilahxMC

Amy willingly followed Kamilah to her hotel room. This time she didn't feel unsafe or unsure of what she was doing, somehow all this felt so wrong yet so right.

"Wine?" Kamilah asked holding bottle of Chateau Margaux. For Kamilah this $225,000 bottle was pocket change, Amy rolled her eyes in the thought

"Please" she groaned as she made herself comfortable on the couch watching Kamilah under the moonlight was quite intoxicating already

She handed her the glass and sat next to her her eyes scanned her questioningly

"What brings you here hm?" Kamilah looked deep into Amy's eyes as though she tried to find the answer there

Signing she ran her hands over her smooth hair "Me and my fiancé had a fight"

"Ex fiancé that is, i kind of cancelled the engagement" she added looking dismally at her glass, a deep frown was drawn on her face

Kamilah was startled, she didn't expect it to happen so quickly but it did, and she didn't want to ruin her only chance. Maria might had been her love once but Amy held tightly onto her heart.

---

One glass..two glasses..six and Amy started giggling, a sound Kamilah missed.

"Alright you had enough wine you sweet human thing"

Amy gasped like something triggered her memories, Kamilah watched at her expression curiously

"Our first time in Adrian's cabin, you called me your "sweet human thing" " a faint smile played on both of their lips

"You indeed caught my attention" Kamilah admitted placing her hand on Amy's shoulder

Amy looked more carefree than ever, the last time she was around Kamilah she was stressed and angry, but now all this anger is replaced by melancholy for the old times

"And i will never forget the time you tried flamin' hot Cheetos"

"Flamin"g" hot Cheetos" Kamilah said smiling as Amy's laughter filled the room.

Suddenly Amy noticed how close they were and when she looked up Kamilah's pair of eyes were gazing lovingly hers, trying to say something but failing.

"I miss those times, where it was you and i, no one else mattered" Amy said with a tone that showed perfectly how Kamilah hurt her, how she snatched her dreams from her hands and throw them away.

Before she could think of a response a pair of lips crushed hers, tasting expensive wine.

Smiling she returned the kiss, pushing herself closer to Amy feeling her warm body. For a moment everything stopped, Kamilah got so lost in Amy's familiar smell, her tongue dancing with hers freely without hesitation, that was the best moment of her life and she wanted to make the most of it.

Amy smiled pulling back enough to look into Kamilah's eyes. Her thumb traced Kamilah's bottom lip softly

"Can you hold me tonight?" she asked with a shy expression on her face like it was a sin

"Of course" Kamilah nodded grabbing every chance to feel Amy with her trying to fill in her 5 year absence.

---

Adrian's phone rang as he was quick to pick it up thinking its Amy.

"Hello Adrian, do you have a minute?" Maria's voice was on the other line. Unprepared Adrian agreed thinking something happened to Amy.

"Yes of course Maria, is everything alright?"

Maria signed her exhausted tone made it clear that she didn't had any sleep, making Adrian worry even more

"Is Amy with you? We had a fight and she disappeared, i called all of her friends but there is no sign of her"

Adrian swallowed hard knowing well she went to find comfort in Kamilah's arms

"Yes she was here just a minute ago, she went to grab a coffee" he tried his best to be convincing

"Oh mon amie thank you, i worried to much, if you please can you tell her i want to talk to her? She doesn't pick up my calls"

"Sure Maria dont worry, Amy cares for you very much so" at this point he tried to convince himself more than anyone else

"Merci Adrian, take care"

As soon as the line was cut he furiously dealt Kamilah's number

---

Kamilah held Amy close to her, running her fingers on her bare back bringing back memories. She enjoyed the way Amy's heart beats so peacefully like a relaxing melody.

That until her phone started ringing. She was quick to answer it trying not to disturb Amy. Annoyed she saw Adrian's name on her screen.

"What is it Adrian?" she tried to be quite but her tone was harsh.

"Is Amy with you?" He asked rhetorically but he wanted Kamilah to confirm it

"Is there a problem?" Kamilah was now massaging her temples knowing Adrian would school her about her decisions.

"Well she has a fiancé who worries about her and needs to see her"

"She had a fiancé, the engagement is cancelled" her tone was excited even she tried to hide it

"Kamilah!! You know what you do is wrong, stop it or the next time you see me will be with Maria outside of your hotel room ready to pick up Amy"

He loved Kamilah dearly but he knew sooner or later the truth would get on the surface and Amy would get hurt again and he didn't want that.

"Are you threatening me brother?" Kamilah now raised her voice without realising

"Stop playing mind games with Amy Kamilah"

"I love her Adrian okay? Maria was my ex lover and i don't care what happens to her, all i want is to have Amy back" she exhaled heavily

"Maria is your what?" Amy's voice made Kamilah jump in surprise. Her voice must have woken her up, she wonders how much did she hear from this conversation

"Amy.." was the only thing she could say as guilt creeped inside her heart.

But Amy didn't give any time for her to explain, she instead dressed fast trying to find her bag

"Dont go Amy" Kamilah grabbed her elbow. When she turned around a pair of angry eyes looked so deep inside of hers that she felt disgusted with herself

"Dont. You. Dare. Touch. Me. Again" Amy said with a tone that made Kamilah take a step back.

Amy was now gone, hot tears running down her face thinking how many lies Kamilah told her last night. Wiping them away she took her phone out with a shaky hand dealing a number.

"Serafine? Its me, i want to do it".

Tag list: @galaxyside-0 @ilovetaylor13m @thepotatobleh @wildsayeed @sayeedbound @lightning-fury @scarlet-letter-a0114 @amorettemcsky @la-guera-69

[jawnjendes]

shawn meets... | bella

SUMMARY: in the life of a rockstar, shawn mendes comes across some unique people. sometimes, things stray from the norm. (AU, shawn x every one of my oc’s)

AN: hiiii this is somewhat of a continuation of my last series, goth gf. you dont HAVE to read it to know what's happening here, but there will be references to it every so often. if you've been here since the goth gf days then, hi. i appreciate you. enjoy this shit. let me know ur thots.

****let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

bella's origin story | bella's playlist | masterlist

It felt awfully strange to be in Annalise's hometown, knowing she wouldn't be going home right away. The residential part of North Hollywood where her parents lived still felt like it was a million miles away. The glamorous Lyft Lux was going through the equally glamorous parts of the city, and it was almost mundane despite the fact that she had been away for over a year.

Shawn and his younger sister, Aaliyah, were frequently pointing out the exciting things they had only seen in photos and movies: the Chinese Theater, the Walk of Fame, the Hollywood sign. They were bundles of energy and excitement. Annalise was only jittery because she never fully processed that she lives in the same city as her favorite YouTuber, Bella Santiago.

Over a month ago, Bella discovered the Shawn Mendes profile on Spotify, causing her to give him a shoutout on Twitter. Then, just after the release of his newest EP, In My Blood, Bella messaged Shawn, offering to fly him out to LA, put him in a hotel and make a video with her. Shawn immediately jumped at the chance, but he couldn't go without bringing two of the biggest Bella stans he knew, Annalise and Aaliyah. The only reason why it took until the New Year for this to happen was simple: exams and Christmas.

When the semester ended, Annalise spent the holidays and her 22nd birthday with Shawn's family in Pickering, much to her own family's disdain. It was different, celebrating Christmas on the morning of the 25th, rather than the 24th. It was also different not eating tamales or pozole like she did with her family. It totally wasn't annoying when Shawn blasted that god awful Taylor Swift song on the morning of Annalise's birthday. She totally didn't miss her family either.

She had to promise her parents that she would stay in LA for the duration of the holiday break in return for missing all the important holidays. It wasn't a hard decision to make, but it was going to be hard letting Shawn go. Annalise only hoped that there would be time for him to meet her extended family during this trip. From what she understood, as soon as Bella was done with him, Shawn and Aaliyah were getting on a plane straight back to Toronto.

As it turns out, Bella Santiago is insanely generous. She reserved the three of them a deluxe suite at the Marriott. They had a view of the city, a massive king size bed, and a pull out sofa bed. Everything was spotless, and luxurious.

"She didn't have to go this hard," Aaliyah pointed out as she tossed her suitcase to the side.

"What, would you rather sleep on the floor?" Shawn teased. "And pick that up and move it so it's out of the way!"

She rolled her eyes as she did what he said.

Annalise made herself comfortable on top of the white sheets. While all of this was exciting, she was fucking exhausted. It felt like it was much later in the day, having gotten up at seven. The time change made it feel like it was well in the afternoon, but it was barely eleven.

"How's your tummy?" Shawn asked from the window. He had his phone out and was taking photos of the view.

"Much better," she replied.

Against her better judgment, Annalise had a coffee during the five hour flight, and it did not agree with her. She made good friends with a barf bag… or three. All the caffeine must have left her system if she was feeling better now.

"What time do we meet Bella?" asked Aaliyah, padding over to stand by her brother.

"Three o'clock," Shawn replied. "In the ballroom downstairs."

That prompted all three of them to take a death nap for the time being. It only lasted about three hours, and when their alarms went off, none of them felt any more rested.

Annalise was the first one to actually get up and get ready. For once, she was intimidated by who she was going to be standing in front of today. She had to look her best, even if it was in all black.

It didn't take long for Aaliyah to follow suit. Soon enough, both girls were sitting in front of the window, using the California sun for their light as they did their makeup.

The funny thing is, as much as they cared about looking their best, neither of them were going to be in Bella's video. She only wanted Shawn, who was still lying in bed half an hour before the scheduled meet up.

"What are you gonna wear?" Annalise asked her boyfriend.

"I don't know," he replied, his voice muffled by the pillow. "Will she even care about what I'm wearing?"

"You're gonna be on her channel," Aaliyah said, looking up from her handheld mirror, "which has millions of viewers, including some of my friends who will never let me hear the end of it if they see my brother looking like a clown in front of the queen!"

Shawn grinned and got up. "I'll go like this, what do you think?" He held his arms out, showcasing his plaid pajama bottoms and a Nike hoodie. He also only had one sock on.

"You'll be dead before you step out of the room like that," Ann darkly added.

“Thanks Satan.” He chuckled.

Shawn was only pretending to be calm. Inside, he was shaking and his insides were heavy. He didn't even think about Bella's subscriber count until Aaliyah pointed it out. He really wanted Bella to like him too. She seemed like such a sweetheart from her videos, Shawn hoped that wasn't just a persona.

He had spent most of the flight watching her videos (when Ann wasn’t puking up her caffeine, of course.) He made it through a few tutorials, learning a lot about not only makeup, but Bella herself. She suffers from several anxiety disorders and constantly works to better herself. She left her parents when she came out to them as bisexual, and she hasn't spoke to them or her extended family in years. She recently got out of a relationship with another YouTuber named Ethan Nestor, which was part of the reason why she spent half of 2019 in her hometown of Palm Springs. This woman has some thick skin, there was no denying that.

One of the best things that Shawn learned about Bella was that she had a butterfly tattoo on her left arm. In another video, she talked about how her viewers drew butterflies on their arms in support of her when she was down. She got it tattooed for them, and the colors of the wings were the same as the bisexual pride flag. Shawn looked at his own butterfly tattoo differently now.

The other best thing he learned was how talented of a singer Bella was. She had covers on her channel, and Shawn watched every single one. Bella had such a rich, beautiful voice, and it looked so easy for her to hit any high note. She sang Love on the Brain without any strain on her face. She sang a gayer version of You Belong with Me, and played guitar with it. She sang with Markiplier as the opening act when they were on a comedy show tour in 2018.

Shawn couldn't wait to sing with her, though he was intimidated. He thought he was a good singer, but put him next to someone with Ariana Grande levels of talent? The nerves were never ending.

It was ten til three when everyone was ready. Their only predicament was to go down to the ballroom early or not.

“Did she text you?” Aaliyah asked, clearly antsy. “Is she on her way or anything?”

Shawn shook his head. He had changed into a white tee, black jeans and a denim jacket, which the two girls approved of. “Should I message her? Or… her manager? She’s the one who made all these arrangements.”

“Hey, she might not even be here on time,” Ann said. “YouTubers are like celebrities. They run on their own schedules just because they can.”

“Bella wouldn’t do that, would she?” Aaliyah said in disbelief.

“Only one way to find out.”

And to the ballroom they went. The space was huge, clearly meant for a party. There were sheer white curtains hanging from the huge windows, and a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. In the far corner of the room, tables and chairs were folded and leaning against the wall. Shawn, Aaliyah, and Ann looked around the room, all silently nervous and excited. Only a few minutes into it, they heard female voices just outside the room.

“But we’re always early! I knew I should have driven myself!”

“It’s two fifty-nine! Relax, they’re probably not even here yet!”

“Huh, I’ll be damned,” Ann mumbled, looking at her phone to verify the time.

The owners of the other two voices entered the room, carrying expensive-looking camera equipment and studio lights. They were followed by a bellhop, who was carrying a keyboard in a case. One woman was short and curvy, brown and freckled. Her short black hair was curly and glossed down, and she was wearing a bright red pantsuit.

The other woman was long and lean, decked out in a white long sleeve crop top, a black skirt, and knee high boots. Her iconic bright pink hair made a comeback, that wasn’t in her latest video. Her kind face looked airbrushed and flawless, although her brown eyes looked alarmed, like she was caught in headlights.

The first person to break the silence was the woman in red, already establishing her power. “Hello!” She held her hand out to Shawn. “I’m Sonji, I’m Bella’s manager. I believe we spoke on the phone. And on Twitter.”

“Yeah, yeah we did,” he said as they shook hands. “Uh, this Aaliyah and Ann, my sister and my girlfriend.”

“Hi, ladies!” Sonji greeted, shaking their hands as well. “So lovely to meet you! God, you’re all so pretty!”

Both girls mumbled shy thank you’s.

“Okay, so my handsome friend here and myself are going to set things up for the video,” Sonji explained. “In the meantime-” She looked at her silent client. “-Baller, come talk to your little protégé.”

Then, Sonji led the bellhop further into the room, over by the windows.

Bella still had a bag slung over her shoulder and a massive studio light stand in her hands. She was clutching it to her chest, a very performative and awkward smile etched on her bright pink lips.

“Hi!” she said after one very long second. “Uh - lemme -” She set down the giant lights and removed the bag from her shoulder. Then she stood up straight and smoothed out her hair. “Hi! Uh, I said that already!”

“I’ll say it again! Hi!” Shawn greeted, smiling politely.

Bella looked at him and opened her arms for a hug. “It’s nice to finally meet you!”

It might be weird to put it this way, but she smelled pretty. Whatever perfume she was wearing was probably more expensive than the flight over here. Shawn hugged her around her shoulders, inadvertently touching her surprisingly soft hair. You could just tell that she didn’t spare a single penny when it came to caring for herself.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to be so tall!” she said, looking up at Shawn. “For once, I’m not the tallest person in the room!”

She couldn’t have been taller than Ann, who was five foot five inches and felt very short most of the time.

“And this is the sister and the girlfriend?” Bella said, turning to the other two girls. She went to hug Aaliyah, who was more than delighted by the gesture.

Bella leaned back and took her hand. “I love your nails! Love the shape and color!” She ran her thumb over the white acrylics. “So cute!”

“Aw, thank you!” Aaliyah was beaming.

Then, Bella turned to hug Ann. It’s important to point out that in most situations, Annalise Flores is stone faced, calm, and collected. Today, however, Ann had wide eyes, like she was face the good Lord herself… like she was going to drop down on one knee and propose to Bella.

Shawn wouldn’t blame her.

“Me encanta su delineador!” Bella told her, gently cupping her face.

“En serio?” Ann softly asked.

“Yes, que linda! Those inner wings are to die for! What do you use?”

“Um.. uh, I think it’s NYX? I don’t know the exact one, but it’s definitely NYX!” Ann chuckled nervously.

“Well, it looks amazing!”

Ann looked like she was going to faint with that euphoric dazed look on her face. Thankfully, she stayed on both feet because Sonji grabbed their attention. She managed to sneak by Bella, take the lights and bag, and set them all up by the window. She also set up the keyboard, camera and two chairs. There were three other chairs behind the camera as well. Sonji was incredibly fast.

“We are all ready to go!” she said to the others.

“Shall we?” Bella gestured for the other three to go first.

Shawn, Ann, and Aaliyah went over to the set up, excitement only increasing from here.

"Were you two going to be in the video too?" Sonji asked the two girls.

They both shook their heads.

"Nervous? Don't blame you, the Internet is brutal."

That didn't help Shawn's bundle of nerves. He took a silent deep breath as he went for his guitar case while Bella sat in front of her keyboard. The Internet is brutal, and Shawn's own minuscule corner of it was safe solely because of the size. The fans he tweeted every so often were seemingly normal, and no one was overly critical about him or his music. More exposure means more space for criticism and plain old hate.

Bella had over five million subscribers, and at least forty thousand of them took an interest in Shawn over the last month and a half. It was a lot of new people to make a good impression to. He took another deep breath and removed the guitar from its case. There's no going back now.

"So, I don't want this to be a structured, planned out video," Bella explained when Shawn took the empty chair next to her. "I just want us to talk so my viewers can get to know you, and we'll sing whatever comes to mind."

"Sounds good," Shawn said, not really hearing himself.

"Now everybody - and I mean everybody - take in a deep breath."

The room was silent except for the sounds of everyone inhaling through their noses. Aaliyah and Ann still looked excited as they followed Bella's instruction. Sonji followed as well, like she had done this a thousand times.

"And exhale," Bella breathed out, and the others repeated. "Good. Get those nerves out, breathe away the anxiety. This is fun, we're having fun."

Shawn felt a little better, knowing she was just as nervous, if not more. Throughout all of Bella's mental health videos that he watched on the plane, none of them seemed to touch on how severe her own case was.

Finally, Bella addressed the camera, her soft voice suddenly projected. "Hey, it's Bella! Welcome back to my channel! Today, I'm here with a very special guest! Some of you saw me tweet a while ago…"

Oh god, what the fuck was Shawn going to say? He looked over at Ann, who smiled reassuringly and silently did the motions for deep breathing. Stay calm. You're a strong guy.

"So how long have you been making music?" Bella asked him as she mindlessly pressed keys on her keyboard.

Shawn recalled as best he could. "Uh, I sang covers when I was fifteen. Didn't make my own music until a few years later."

"Nice! Are you in school, or work or something?"

"Yeah, I'm in college. I'm majoring in music and botany."

"Oh, you like plants?"

Shawn was mildly impressed. Most people had to ask what botany is, and he would have to explain for the thousandth time. Then, he would be told to drop the music major because it's easier to find a job in plant science.

"Flowers," he clarified. "I work in a flower shop."

"That's so cool!"

The conversation got easier as time went on. Sometimes Aaliyah or Ann would chime in if they felt that Shawn was getting too confident. Bella giggled every so often, which made everyone in the room adore her even more.

Shawn was about ready to propose when Bella started playing Mercy on her keyboard and humming the beginning. He stared at her in shock for a few seconds before he played along on guitar. Hopefully that didn't look too embarrassing on camera. He listened to her voice for a moment before singing with her in the chorus.

He had plenty of questions for Bella after they went through that song. "Where did you get a voice like that?"

"I could carry a tune as a kid," she explained, "so I was put into singing classes to hone it. Then I did church choir, school choir… I just never really stopped singing." She paused and then chuckled nervously. "This is gonna sound pretentious, but I think I got this voice for a reason. Meaning, I have this platform and all these followers. I think I'm meant to use my voice for good. Help people in whatever way I can."

Shawn smiled. "That's beautiful. I see that in your videos. I kinda went on a binge on the plane."

Bella grinned.

"One thing that stood out to me…" Shawn hesitated, minding the camera and the future viewers of this video. "You are so unapologetically bisexual. You always make the point to the person you needed as a kid, because there is still so little bi representation in the media. And you decided, if no one's going to do it, then you'll do it yourself, and I think that's incredible."

"Yeah, I didn't have anyone telling me it's okay to feel what I feel, and I don't want anyone to go through what I went through as a teen."

Shawn nodded, glancing over at Ann once. He had talked about touching on this particular topic with her, and he was starting to have his own shred of doubt.

But, he learned from his girlfriend. Fuck it.

"I wish I had someone like you as a teenager," he said to Bella, strumming his guitar. "I mean, when I came out to my family, I was lucky. They were loving and accepting, but I still couldn't find anyone out there who was like me, in real life or in the media. I really wish I had found your videos sooner."

Bella was beaming. "I knew I liked you."

The two of them went back and forth between talking and singing. They compared butterfly tattoos, and then Bella was asking him about his other tats. Shawn learned a couple of Little Mix songs too, which led him to discover where his girlfriend got that fixation from. He was mostly amazed at how Bella was able to belt out song after song like it was nothing. Like she was meant for this. Why did she choose to be a makeup artist?

"Have you ever been offered a record deal?" Shawn asked. "Or thought about making your own music?"

"Mm, yes and yes," she said. "But singing is more of a hobby. I can't see myself delving into the music industry at all. Makeup is where it's at for me. Makeup got me through some of the hardest times in my life."

Shawn wouldn't say no to a record deal. He'd move to Los Angeles tomorrow if he could. He would do just about anything to play music full time. He glanced over at Ann again, who winked with a smile.

next chapter

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @justordinaryjen @chillingbythesea @iloveshawnieboi @shawnsunflower @someoneunimportantxx

[legion1993]

Thunderstorm Wedding

AN: this is for @until-theend-oftheline for Kari’s Summer challenge. Girl, hope you enjoy this cause this is all on the fly work! enjoy the rolleroaster ride! there is another AN in the story to explain how i came up with a certain part of the story. hope you like it!

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Prompt: Thunderstorm

Summery: there isnt one!

this was it, your wedding day was TOMORROW. everything prepared and ready, bows and decorations laid out for everyone to see, people from all over arriving too witness your wedding. 

oh yeah, your marrying the guy who made you fall in love with the MCU even more than you already were. you were marrying Chris Evans. 

of course this wedding was gonna be avenger themed. obviously considering who your marrying. there was gonna be an entire skit and everything. you were completely hopeful that you would have the perfect-ish wedding. 

you were at the hall with Chris going through the dress rehersal, and making sure all the decorations were in place along with props and that everyone knew what to say, when to say it, and what to do and when.

then you and Chris were dropped off at the same hotel but each of you taken to seperate rooms. Scarlet stayed with you playing cards, she knew you a little too well, this was what you had always dreamed off, to get married, to start a journey of love and passion with someone kind, sweet and amazing.

Scarlet: “what is it YN, you have that look in your eye?”

YN: “i dont know Scar, its just some nerves i guess. but weird thing is i don’t actually feel nervous.”

Scarlet: “well did you get some mojo recently?”

YN: “i did open a fortune cookie a couple days ago, it said ‘when the hammer is lifted, thunder rolls, words of affirmation finished, while the truth realized.’ i guess thats what is freaking my body out right now. and i believe i win.”

Scarlet and you both looked down at your hands. playing blackjack is fun, especially when you happen to always have an especially lucky hand. Scarlet laughed as she chugged the rest of her wine. 

Scarlet: “we should get some sleep… it will be a long busy day tomorrow.”

you and Scarlet had always shared a bed, even when she and you were roommates, it didnt matter, and no it was never anything freaky like that. it was just that she was your Best Friend and there wasnt anything neither of you wouldnt do for the other. 

so removing your house coat, you crawled into bed getting comfy while Scarlet finished turning off the lights, she crawled in beside you. cuddling together you both drifted into unconsciousness.

——————————————–

Chris however had been taken to his room by Robert. now normally this would have been something to behold for the theatrics. but it was a different situation. 

Rob: “YN seemed really stoked about the wedding.”

Chris: “i know, the only other time ive seen her like that was when i proposed. its like a massive reality spikes her adrenaline. but oh well. i guess if this goes well, the wedding of the year award will go to me & YN.”

Rob: “i suppose it will, but did you ever think about what kind of mark your wedding will leave on the community…”

Chris got up and started pacing…

Chris: “dont start an argument with me Rob, please man im getting married to an amazing girl, with you as the best man. come on bro, please just dont question this decision.

Chris and Rob after about 5 minutes each took 2 shots and went to bed knowing that it was gonna be a long and busy day.

———————————————–

Scarlet woke up shortly before you, like always she tried to give you as much sleep as possible. she checked the weather and happened to see the 79% chance of a thunderstorm starting right around the middle of the ceremony. 

Scarlet woke you up, gently and calmly. you opened your eyes fluttering them a bit before they stayed open, you sat up as Scarlet handed you your cold caffeinated cola. 

there was nothing that you imagined would ever ruin this day. it was YOUR WEDDING DAY! of course nothing could ruin the day. Scarlet started pulling out the straightener and the wedding lingerie, setting up everything and calling room service to bring you ladies some breakfast.

Scarlet: “breakfast is being made, and will be delivered soon. lets have you sit up and ill brush your hair out and place in the extensions before you go shower.”

you sat up in the middle of the bed and pulled out your laptop firing it up and making sure you have all the correct papers and such. 

YN: “Scar, what kind of day do you think this is gonna be?”

Scarlet was unsure of how to answer that question…

Scarlet: “i think this day will turn into the perfect of awesome weddings.”

you kept going through and making sure all the documents you needed to have filled out, were filled out and making sure there were backups of all the documents in case one of the things needed replacing.

Scarlet: “will you give the documents a rest? nothing is gonna go wrong. trust me. now you continue to hold still and throw on some music while i finish these extensions.”

Scarlet waited for the music to start before she started the extensions. once the music started she started to attach the extensions. there was nothing which made you happier than listening to the soundtrack of yours Chris’ love. 

this was the start of a very very long half an hour.

—————————————-

Chris woke up with Robert a few hours after you and Scarlet. this was the start of a lot of paranoia.

Robert: “how do you feel about today Chris?”

Chris: “i feel good, but if all goes well this storm will hold off till after the ceremony.”

Robert and Chris just sat in the room also ordering room service as they sat there toasting and cheering and praising each of their individual acomplishments.

—————————————–

Scarlet was finally done your hair, you went to the bathroom with your robe, lingerie and a towel. you started the shower and undressed yourself, you made your way into the tub and let the hot water maul over you for several minutes before washing your hair. 

you washed your hair, you werent used to how long it was. but that would soon be obsolete, for your mind now came to the thought of being MRS. EVENS LATER. you were now at peace in your mind. 

you finished in the shower about 15 minutes later. you got out and heard the sound of Scarlet singing out side, but you also heard your phone ringing. Scarlet of course answered it. 

Scarlet: “YN’s phone…”

Chris: “hey Scar, what would you say to me wanting to speak with my girl!”

Scarlet: “you can just give me a moment.”

Scarlet said as she saw you exiting the washroom. she handed you the phone after you sat on the bed so Scarlet could make your hair wedding worthy. the convo between you and Chris went a little like this:

—————————–

YN: “hey Chris!”

Chris: “babe, im so lucky to get to marry you.”

YN: “im lucky too, at first i wasnt sure a guy like you would ever fall in love with a girl like me but now i know this is destiny.”

Chris: “i know but this is real, and your gonna be beautiful… hows the getting ready going?”

Scarlet: “im just doing her hair now Chris… don’t worry she will be recognizable when im through with her.”

YN: “just braid my hair Scar…”

Scarlet started putting in the french braid, she also intently listened in on yours and chris’ conversation. the braid was gonna be long but thats what you wanted. 

Chris: “i missed sleeping next to you last night!”

YN: “the bed felt not the same without you… but after today we wont ever have to sleep apart again. ill see you in 2 hours babe.”

Chris: “i love you…”

YN: “i love you too..”

—————————————-

with that the call disconnected and Scarlet had just finished the braid with its own twist and accessories. a little bit of hair bling. this was it, this now was the time. it was time for the rest of your outfit. this included now fully putting on your lingerie, and your shoes while Scarlet went to pull out your Dress. 

ah yes the dress that you had picked to specifically go with the superhero theme. the one dress to rule all dresses. 

you slipped into it and smiled as the fabric slid over your skin. 

you twirled several times loving how the dress felt and looked. now you and Scarlet had to walk to the ceremony location to make it there before the guys did. 

walking down the roads the photographer followed you ladies, photographing alot of really great shots. simple ones but still capturing your beauty and elegance. 

this was how you knew today would be perfect. Scarlets dress showed her black widow side very well. which was what u both wanted, especially for the skit. the avengers may not have been real but their counters are very much like their avenger counter parts.

this was the moment when the final approach to the venue was in effect. your day was now looking up. your only goal was not tripping over anything, that was the last thing you needed. 

photographer: “how bout it ladies we get some shots in the park? like on the path and mock shots?”

you and Scarlet knew exactly what kind of shots the photographer meant. 

------------------------------------------

Shot 1: the best friend proposal!

Shot 2: the maid of honor carries the bride!

Shot 3: the double cheek kiss. 

Shot 4: the forehead mash in sunlight!

Shot 5: maid of honor releasing her best friend into the light!

Shot 6: the ‘im never letting go of my girl’!

Shot 7: out of every walk we’ve taken this one will be the most important!

Shot 8: get into position its time!

---------------------------------------

this was it, the moment that was forever to change your life, you were lining up at the end of the path behind the trees. your only worry was there were clouds in the sky, seeming like they were gonna roll on top of ya’ll and pour it all down!

Scarlet: “i see the look in your eyes don’t worry girl! your wedding will go off without a hitch. now Robert is coming back here to walk you down that isle unless you want someone else to do it.”

Robert had come round the corner just as Scarlet had finished speaking...

Robert: “you know that im the best man technically im supposed to be up there with Chris! Scarlet why dont you walk YN down that isle!”

Scarlet could only stare at you as you took a peak behind the tree at the crowd of people, the press, and the one person who made this day yours. Chris, standing at the alter, where you of course would be walking to in the next 5 minutes but first you have to make the choice of your life.

Scarlet: “what do you say girl? ready to take the most important walk of our lives... together?”

You turned to face her and Robert as you exhaled the breath you took in.

YN: “get out there Rob before you mess up the plan and be ready to switch positions when we fully get up there!”

Scarlet: “and make sure the director is ready to marry his favorite avenger and his lady!”

Robert made a salute and walked back up the isle. you got into position and waited for Scarlet to join you behind the camoflauge. you both waited for the words of the Director to begin.

Samuel: “ladies and gentlemen, fellow agents, and of course the avengers! welcome to the wedding of the century! welcome to the wedding of Chris Evens & YN! also known to the public eye as Captain America & his Lady! please rise to honor the bride as she walks her way down the isle!”

the crowd rose you locked hands with Scarlet, the camoflauge opened up, you and Scarlet made it per-tenant to step into the light! the photographer who was behind you guys captured the first look of Chris and the Crowd at you and Scarlet!

Chris’ face was totally priceless! it was like he was looking at you for the first time all over again! Samuel just smiled knowing that you and Chris were truly gonna be the wedding of the century never mind that forever....

Samuel: “i say a round of applause is in order for the beautiful Bride!”

-----------------------------------------

you walked beside Scarlet knowing that all eyes were on you, but you didnt care cause your eyes were on Chris. you were smiling all while Scarlet did everything in her power to keep you from falling flat on your face.

you and Scarlet got to your point of stopping, now it was time for the skit to begin.

----------------------------------------

Samuel: “whats wrong. are you gonna finish your journey forward?”

YN: “after i say one small thing... i discovered this a while ago but thought nothing of it. i have Stark blood flowing through my veins.”

the entirety of the avengers line-up were playing out their respected roles. 

Robert: “Steve did you know anything about this?”

Chris: “i had no idea... YN how much stark blood are we talking?”

(*Authors Note: i am writing this part as if the actors are using their roles for the speaking during the ceremony but the actors names will be the ones leading their lines... just so no one gets confused... any questions at all feel free to ask*)

YN: “im Tony’s long lost cousin on his dads side...”

the crowd went berserk sort of they started mumbling but silenced when you guys started talking again...

Hemsworth: “dont worry young one, for i Thor God of Thunder still support this union...”

Samuel: “i Nick Fury Director of SHIELD still support this union.”

Scarlet: “i Natasha Romanov still support this union.”

Mark: “i am Bruce Banner and i still whole heartedly support this union.”

Jeremy: “i Clint Barton still wholly support this union.”

the avengers gave 3 cheers and then it came down to your fiance and Robert. both of whom now approached you.

------------------------------

Robert: “after all this time, how long have you known?”

YN: “about 2 weeks, i was too scared to say anything about it. i didnt know how you would react. so i used my own skill of keeping things from people to avoid any angry situations before the wedding. im so sorry guys, ive lied to all of you... especially you Steve im so sorry, i wanted to tell you guys so badly but i knew if i did there was a chance that you guys wouldnt accept me after that.”

Robert: “i Tony Stark, humbly still support this union Cuz!”

Chris comes up to you and smiles!

Chris: “what do you say YN ready to finish the walk of our lives and make it to that alter?”

Chris of course held his hand to you and smiled when you took it, both of you now making it to the alter, Samuel now cleared his throat to continue his duties as the minister.

Samuel: “Marriage means alot of things to alot of people, but to the Avengers and to SHIELD it only means our family is growing, its expanding in more ways than one. Marriage is what unites the Hearts of Steve & YN and Marriage is what brings us all here today! now i already know how the avengers and SHIELD agents respond to this but now i have to ask everyone else, is there anyone in attendance to this wedding that objects to this marriage?”

---------------------------------------

a loud snap against the stone pathway echoed through the corridor... everyone turned to see Tom in Loki form. Chris held you while everyone else got into defensive around you guys. 

Tom: “i object to this disgusting union... ugh weddings make me sick... ah brother you need to work on your touch... that cell you all left me in was easy to escape from... now if you all would excuse me id like to get the girl and leave... so i can take all the knowledge she has inside her tiny little brain and build myself a portal back to somewhere that isnt here.”

Rob: “your not taking her anywhere, Loki! Avengers Assemble!”

Samuel: “SHIELD agents on the mark!”

Chris: “Thor can’t you do something!”

Hemsworth: “i can but if this works he will be sent to a stronger prison this time...”

Hemsworth shot his hand straight into the air and within moments a blast of thunder bolts came down from the sky... the thunder continued to rumble as the Avengers and SHIELD agents all stood guard while Samuel continued the wedding.

Samuel: “Steve & YN say your Vows we will make sure he doesnt approach any closer...”

Chris: “YN you have changed my life. you have changed my world. that day all those years ago made me realize that i had been missing out on. i love you YN i always have and i always will. i vow to on this love, honor, cherish, respect, and train with you every single day for as long as we both shall live in Sickness, in Health, for Richer, for Poorer, to Comfort you in Times of need, to Be there for you in all things, Always & Forever!”

YN: “Steve your my entire world, i wouldnt even be who i am today if it hadnt have been you id ended up falling for. i love you Steve i always have and i always will. i vow on this day to Love, Honor, Cherish, Respect & Train with you every single day for as long as we both shall live... In Sickness, in Health, for Richer, for Poorer, to Comfort you in Times of need, to Be there for you in All things, Always & Forever!”

--------------------------------------- 

Samuel pulled the rings out of his jacket pocket opening the box and holding it to you & Chris he said his next bit...

Samuel: “please repeat after me... one at a time of course... YN your gonna go first... please take Steve’s ring and repeat after me!”

you took the ring out of the box and held it to Chris’ finger... 

Samuel: “i YN...”

YN: “i YN...”

Samuel: “Take you Steve!”

YN: “take you steve!”

Samuel: “to be my husband!”

YN: “to be my husband!”

Samuel: “in life and death!”

YN: “in life and death!”

Samuel: “as an official Avenger for as long as we both shall live!”

YN: “as an official Avenger for as long as we both shall live!”

you slide the ring on Chris’ hand as Chris now takes your ring and mimics your actions...

Samuel: “now its your turn Steve. Please repeat after me! I Steve...”

Chris: “i Steve.”

Samuel: “take you YN”

Chris: “take you YN!”

Samuel: “to be my wife!”

Chris: “to be my wife!”

Samuel: “in life and death!”

Chris: “in life and death!”

Samuel: “as the most amazing avenger couple in the world!”

Chris: “as the most amazing Avenger couple in the world!”

Samuel: “for as long as we both shall live!”

Chris: for as long as we both shall live!”

----------------------------

Loki: “dont you dare finish that ceremony, or i swear i will reign hell down on the earth for as long as i shall live!”

Samuel: “it is my esteemed honor to present you both as Husband and Wife! Steve you may now Kiss your Bride!”

this of course was when Chris pulled you close and kissed you passionately! earning applause from the whole crowd! including the avengers and SHIELD agents which were not looking at you guys fully. 

then you and Chris turned your attention to Tom who was still really deep into his role.

Chris: “give it up Loki, you dont win today!” 

Loki: “thats what you think... isnt that right brother?”

Tom rose his staff to the sky, earning a loud thunder clap from above, which then turned into a lightning strike... you dove with Chris into the chairs of people who scattered, along with everyone who didnt know that something was definately fishy...

you coughed a bit after sitting up as Chris got up helping you... both of you being approached immediately by the rest of your team! Chris helped you dust off as you did him.

Chris: “are you alright?”

YN: “im fne but whoever did this is paying the dry cleaning... does anyone have any thoughts! Hemsworth, Hiddleston... what happened?”

Hemsworth: “no idea but to my knowledge id guess that it was a freak bolt of lightning...”

Tom: “id guess either what hemsworth said or our gifts and talents from our acting has suddenly become reality...”

you took one look around and then saw something out of the corner of your eye, you left Chris’ grasp and ran to the sight of the crash and dropped to your knees as it started to storm thunder, lightning, the whole entirety. 

the others of course followed you and found the symbol of the asgardian gateway on the ground where you all were once standing. 

Samuel: “i dont know what the explanation is for this but we need to re group and figure this all out and see if anything is different. lets get someplace safe first though...”

Chris: “Me and Robert will go with YN we all probably need to talk anyway... cause if im not mistaken YN when you said your first thing you were telling the truth... weren’t you?”

you couldnt form words, but was able to nod yes! 

Samuel: “we will meet at the set of the Avengers and figure all this out...”

Samuel and the others except for you, Chris and Robert left. you finally spoke after several minutes! 

YN: “my fortune cookie fortune came true... this is all my fault...”

Chris: “what did it say...”

YN: “when the hammer is lifted, thunder rolls, words of affirmation finished, while the truth realized.”

that of course is when Chris and Robert also spoke...

Chris: “for its within the thunder, disaster strikes...”

Robert: “for the world you know, is not it at all...”

You got up off the ground once more and turned to face Robert & Chris!

YN: “robert yes your my cousin, im sorry i didnt say anything to either of you... Chris i am happy we are married, but im kinda pissed that our plans got ruined. our fortunes all line up with eachother... who would seperate a prophecy into 3 seperate fortune cookies?”

Chris: “dont worry we will get answers but for now Rob do you want to say it or shall i?”

Robert: “lets not have this argument and just let YN say it!”

you faced the 2 guys most important in your life and held your hand in front of them... they placed theirs on top of yours as you smiled slightly...

YN: “Avengers Assemble!”

[unrrrreliable]

07.01.2022

its midnight now lol

anyways, on autumn break we decided to go to amsterdam, everything was going fine until like 3 days before the day we were supposed to go i realized the tickets i had bought werent valid anymore because the airline (alitalia) had gone bankrupt. long story short, i had to tell her, she got really mad (not at me - maybe yes but she didnt say in case-) and my mom got really mad, i felt like shit bc i didnt care to change the tickets after the arline had announced it was shutting down (3 weeks prior). anyways, after that i noticed that maria was just acting different. kind of apathetic, really not that excited. we get to the airport (i bought new tickets), it gets better, but as soon as we get to the hotel in amsterdam she kind of loses her sparkle. whatever, she sprobably tired. throughout most of the trip tho she remains like that. like u can see she’s not excited excited yk. the second and third night we met up with some friends of hers from ukraine. 1st night: started off nice, we met up at kfc and i ate a bucket of 20 chicken wings (worst decision of my life). after finishing eating we go straight to the coffee shop, i get my fake id ready and we get the weed. sativa. second worst decision was inhaling that shit like it was ventolin. after like 5 minutes and 3 pulls i start feeling really weird, no force, wanna vomit, get really hot and dizzy, i just storm out the coffee shop and try to puke but nothing goes out. i sit down in the street (it was an alley w a bunch of ppl - friday night-) and try to not throw up. stomach gets kinda better but atp im fucking baked. we get (they) a tavble at a nearby sandwich shop and they get me a coke. they sit me down for like 1h and im just plunged in oblivion. everything fades in and out, marias records me, idgaf. 1h later i feel like im able to walk so i try to and surprisingly dont fail. we rush to the bus stop, im still stoned and can barely keep my head up, they just run like that was the last fucking chance to get to their hotel. maria says were going to their room wo asking me if i even wanted to but ok. while we run to the tram stop shes just running with them like 5m ahead of me and occasionally looks back to check on me. idk why i got mad at her after that but whatever. we then get to our room, i staert feeling better, at this point theyre only speaking and russian and ofc i dont understand shit. at some point she looks at me and goes “can u go to sleep i wanna have fun”. again i got kinda sad when she said that but i really just pretended i didnt understand what she had said. thay went outside for like 10min to smoke again and then came back. the rest of the night isnt really relevant.

so 2nd night was a little spicier. red light district, we went to see a live sex show lmfao. just some strippers and ppl fucking in front of us. nothing that special tbh but it was funny. after that we go to a coffee shop and smoke there for like 2h. at the beginning i ask some random questions in english to her friends n shit but they just give short answers and than switch back to russian. she doesnt really seem to care, matter of fact at some point she goes “sorry im too high to speak english” like damn i didnt know weed makes u retarded but whatever. 

the following day were at a normal coffee shop having breakfast and when coming from the bathroom i peep at her phone and notice she posted a story on her close friends. i grab my phone and look for it while shes in the bathroom but dont find anything. i check her highlights (where she has some regular stories and some from her close friends) the close friends ones are gone. wierd. i vividly remember that she was checking the views and there was a green tag so i know it was hers. tbh i think it was a video of me stoned af, not that i care too much but the fact that she removed me from the stories to post that really says a lot. the video in itself isnt that bad but i had asked her not to post it. 

so yeah other than that theres also the fact that she would be on her phone all the fucking time. on the bus, tram, at lunch, while we were eating. fucking great. 

when i confronted her about all this she made up some shit - she acc aknowledged the speaking russian thing thing, but she said that she was just checking social media bc we had been talking the whole day so it was kind o flike a break - makes no sense but whatever. 

anywaysssss back to my birthday: yeah after the trip our friendship kind of fell off. not that we stopped being friends, but i ignored her for a week bc i was genuinely mad at her for said reasons. eventually she apologized but the close friends thing made me realize that were not close friends at all (sorry for the pun - its genuinely not meant to be “deep” but thats the simplest way to put it). like why did you hide something so blatant? also just in general her mood was just off. and she really didnt make an effort to cheer up. so yeah after we made up i really started looking at her a different way. i didnt fully express what happened in amsterdam on here but it was just a lot of sketchy shit. as in, i dont think a true friend would do this kind of stuff.

[jobanana7]

the one with all the christmases

so i’ve been binge watching friends and i got to this episode so this fic happen so this is very much inspired by chandler’s time in tulsa… enjoy! also i promised @chele20035 i would write something christmasy so there it is!!!!all mistakes (and boy i bet they are a few) are mine, i do not own the hunger games nor do i own f.r.i,e..n.d.s

When Peeta Mellark fell asleep in his company’s meeting and woke up to find out that he’d say yes to moving to district 11 without knowing what he was saying yes to he thought to himself that it was fine, he taught about everything he was getting out of it: the company will load him a brand new mercedes! that was it. ok so it sucked , it sucked even more when he tried to tell his wife. she tired to be as supportive as a wife can be and he’ll  never forget those beautiful words she used when the gather everyone to tell them they  were moving “i have to go don´t i? cause of this stupid thing” and she pull up her wedding ring aaa his loving wife, but dammit he missed her like crazy. he should’ve told her to turn down that new job she landed but the project Abernathy gaver her at her biology lap was too good to past, looking around this office he kinda wishes he did thought.

“Ok everyone is really necessary, the name calling and the note on my back? you can all call me peeta by the way” he said as he sat down on his uncomfortable office chair, he received a collective grown as an answer , he glared at his team

“My son is in a play right now” his right hand Seeder says

“You people want me to say it? i’ll say it, this sucks! is it really quite shitty to be stuck in an office on Christmas alright but at least you all get to go to your families at the end of the day, i get to go to  a cold hotel room and a very questionable bed!” he cried almost winned, really but at this point he was over it of this dead end job as an accountant had everyone back home loved what they were doing first there was Finn his beast buud and actor who thanks to his good looks landed the lead in a soap opera that was a an instant hit, the there was Madge and Gale an odd pair who should be together if you asked him one a fashion executive at Gucci and the other a professor on environmental science ,finally there was Jo a masseuse by day and a fighter for human rights by night , what did he had?

“Now it feels like a holiday! and hey great pep talk!” the new girl chimes in, blue eyes full of laughter

“I know and i’m sorry, but hey! i know what’ll cheer ya up” he says pulling out the white eveloves he was handed earlies by her supervisor Mrs. Coin “you know a little bonus for all your hard work”

“ a donation was made in your name to the New York ballet” someone reads out loud

“Well that’s like money in your pocket” he says but  just barely fooling anyone

“i can’t wait! “ the same girl, GLimmer was it? says  “what would you be doing back home right now?” she asks

“ Oh well, our Christmases are pretty traditional just the usual ” he says and he’s brought back to one of his favorites christmases….

“so i wrote this song for some very special people in my life so… here we go “went  to the store and sat on Santa’s lap asked him to bring friends all kinds of crap he sias all you need one little song now you haven’t heard it so don’t try to sing along… no don’t sing along, finnick oh finnick have a happy christmas eve, saw santa Claus he wanted he wanted Peeta’s buns, please tell Gale this year will be real snowwyyy and Madge and Katniss i love you guys something”… thank you all, happy holly days!”  jo said as people on the coffeehouse applauded to her.

that was one of the few memories he’s made with thi bunch of people in over 7 years, Peeta makes his decision right them and there

“ You know what, go home everyone, be with  your families is bad enough that we’re working new years eve too.” Everyone gape up at Peeta anger clearly written on everyone’s face   “ Did i not tell anyone about new years? go. go home” His team didn’t need to be told twice, within the minute everyone was gone

“Oh your not gonna go?” Peeta asked Glimmer  “naaaah i can’t leave you alone with all this mess, besides i don’t have anywhere to go my family is upstate” he’s nodding his head when the office phone rings

“ Peeta Mellark speaking” he tell the line

“Hi babe, we just wanted to call  to wish you a merry christmas!” Katniss, his beautiful wife says to him and he hears a chorus of “merry christmas” from his friends as his heart swells at the gesture

“awe merry christmas to you guys too, i miss you all” Peeta returns the sentiment genuinely

“is it real bad over there? everyone working hard?” Katniss asks

“No everyone left is just me and Glimmer here” at her name Glimmer perks up waving at the phone as if she was greeting his wife.

“Oh, that is kind of a girls name, isn’t t?”  Katniss aks trying to sound casual but he knows her better that that

“ it is, but is ok she’s just the new intern dont worry, did i not told you about her?” Peeta asks and her hears a light “aja” from his wife and a “wrong move dude” form one of the guys, he sewars is Finn

“ Where’s your team?” she finally aks “I send them home” he admits to hi wife not wanting her to worry about this, is funny how she still has no idea the effect she has on him

“Such a good boss, is she pretty?” Katniss says and edge her voice

“Oh honey, don’t be angry  if i could i would be with you guys but i can’t besides she’s just a colleague” she reasures her “ there’s really nothing to worry about”

“ok” she says a little harsh

“ok?” he ask her going for just a second to that place where only the two of them go where even when they are apart is like he’s right with her, his voice soft and low

“ok” she breathes out  more gently this time and he smiles even jealous he is completely crazy about her “Merry Christmas love” is a whisper to her and she returns it

“Merry christmas you guys”  he says to to his friends and eternal trirt wheels and they say it back after promising Finn he’ll be back soon he hangs up, he turns back to Glimmer not wanting to make a big deal about what she just heard

“ The wife says hey” Peeta laughs at set the phone down on the desk

“ ha, been following the conversation” she says, setting down some documents

“Well she just thought that because we’re alone something’s gonna happen” he sheepishly admits

“ oh really?” Gimmer says reaching out to smooth his tie and he steps back “would that be so terrible so terrible?” sha asks seductably witch makes his so confused because he’s never thought of himself as sexy and in any case the only person he want to be saxy for a far awy not this blonde, blue eyed assistant that would just make it more of a cheesy pron that anything else

“ok step back there Glimmer, i am married” he says and Glimmer pulls up her hand “Me too” he rolls his eyes “ i’m HAPPILY married ” he clarifies to her “ oh, what’s that like” Glimmer asks  

“Yeah so i’m sorry nothing is gonna happen tonight besides me getting node with this papers” he says to he firmly

“ seriously, you’re happily married? so the phone call just now was happy?” she questions him

“Well we’re apart is hard you know? she is right to be a little worried i know i would be if i were her and in this case she’s right, but she’s amazing and smart and if she were her… well you’d be gone by now, you seem lovely but no i don’t need this what i have back home with K is all i need  ” Peeta tells her honestly

“let me ask you something then, if it’s enough, why are you here with me on a holy day?” Glommer says and she seems to be serious and he come up empty because truly … there is no one good reason he has to apart from her …

“ wowowowo what’s happening, you and i just made out? we’re making out” twenty four year old peeta asks twenty three year old katniss

“well not anymore” she says out just centimeters away from his lips as  her arms were around his neck her silky red dress against his pajamas making weaked things to his brains

that was the beginning of it at Gale’s wedding in London Katniss was upset because she was watching her brother get married for the first time with incidentally ended up in a divorce for Gale

the first time they fought when Jo broke her arm and Madge got them dated with some nurses

“well you made it clear that we’re just goofing around, so i figured why no goof around with him too” katniss said referring to an earlier comment he’d made

“ i don’t know if you’ve looked the term “goof around” but i have and it said that technically is two friends that care a great deal for one another and have amazing sex and like to be together” he cringed “ i am so bad at this“  

a smiling Katniss had told him that that was true, they did cared about each other and they spend the rest of that night together not quite ready to tell their friends about each other

“ Peeta you’re not listening to me!! i don’t care that we can’t afford a big wedding right now, the only thing that matters to me is that i’m getting married to the love of my life, big wedding or not.”  katniss argued but Peeta wanted to give her the perfect wedding day to her to treat her like a princess, a queen but at twenty six his job was unsteady, he found himself frustrated unable to meet this one expectation but she was right she never asked for anything  he couldn’t give her, ever.

“ but don’t you want a big beautiful wedding where our families can see you walked down a beautiful isle and your dad will give you away, Maddy as the flower girl?” he asked because that was his dream exactly to see Gale’s little one walk first with the floews and then, Prim Madge and Jo as maid or honor and the al last her, his bride in a white dress with her dad.

“i really don’t, i swear, i don’t my parents didn’t  have a big wedding and i want what they have. a home , a marriage” she said

“a little girl with your eyes” he whispered reaching out to cup her face stilling a soft kiss the smile that she gave him when he pulled out  was so bright it nearly blinded him

“ a little boy with your hair”

soon they were engaged and married the last 2 years of his life had been the best ones yet only to be topped with the news of their own little one on the way and here he was waistinging his life on this job and this Christmas as well so he walked out right out of there.

NEW YORK  (4 hours later)

he heard their voices as he approached the apartament , he was home finally stepping in he heard Jo first

“ oh look! is snowing you guys!” he says excitedly everyone was by the window when we cleared his throat they all looked back at him, on seconds his wife was on him kissing him firestly

“ woow we have a baby here people” Madge reminded them of hunter her and Gale’s son, they pulled away hos and resting on his own baby

“what happened, don’t  you have to be in district 11 ohio? can the fire you?” Katniss asked consent on her voice

“turns out they can’t because i quitted” he said katniss gasped

“ you quit your job?” Gale asked shooked

“yeah, i couldn’t stand being away from you and i know this is not the time but, i’ve bee planit to leave since we learned about the baby and i’ve already applied to other jobs, jobs i could be better at and plat just as well” he rescued her and her face relaxed “what do you think? i’m sorry i didn’t talk to you about this before but today was the last drop, plus , i missed you ” he kissed her knuckles but before she could talk Finn piped in

“but who did you missed the most?” he asked his trademarked Finnick Odiar smile on handsome face  

“Katniss” Peeta said without a moment’s hesitation

“yeah, that’s cool dude” Finn said playing cool then making faces as if to say “ i know you HAD to say that for Katniss’s sakes i you you missed me more”

“But really are you, ok with this?” he asked katniss once more

“i think you hated your job and if you can do something you like, support you” his wife said and she kissed him again

“Peet, i can’t tell you how happy i am that you’re back” Jo finally said and he was touched to hear that from her “thi is honestly the best christma gif i’ve been given, but now give me the real one” he laughed and kissed her cheek handig the white envelopes

“A donation was made in your name to the New York ballet” Gale read out loud “ how did ya know?” he said sarcastically

“ but wait i can’t return these” Madge winned

“I DON’T HAVE A JOB” Pee eclamed

the end  

[acsversace-news]

Rating: 8.9

OK: For anyone wondering if this show is going to become less heartbreaking over time? It’s looking like no.

Last week’s emotional heavyweight “House by the Lake” focused on the psychological torture and eventual murder of architect David Madson (Cody Fern). But the hint is that Andrew Cunanan (Darren Criss) got to Madson via Jeff Trail (Finn Wittrock), the man he bludgeons with a hammer in the first minutes of the episode, so we’ve been primed to expect this episode take us back to how Trail got wrapped up in this horrible spiderweb. The fifth episode of this series is the first not to have an actual murder in it, but trust me, it’s not going to make anything less painful.

“Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is a layered meditation on uniforms and conformity, masks and unmaskings. It moves back and forth in time in a way that’s easy to track but a little hard to describe; there’s a logic to this episode that poets will recognize. It turns on symbol and metaphor at least as much as plot, and it has a lot of layers of commentary on. . .well, on the nature of identity when you get down to brass tacks.

Gianni Versace (Edgar Ramirez) arranges an interview in which he intends to come out publically. Donatella (Penelope Cruz) is annoyed (when is she not?) because she thinks her brother’s coming out might have a negative impact on sales. “Well,” her brother quips, annoyed, “we’ll still have Elton, no?” She blames Antonio (Ricky Martin). She tells Gianni it’s not only his decision; the company has to be taken into account. She reminds him (thanks, Sis) of how people stopped buying Perry Ellis’s clothes after he appeared on the runway so ravaged by AIDS his models had to help keep him on his feet. “Probably his most important show,” Versace remarks. He calmly makes it clear to Donatella that he’s done hiding, that after his own brush with mortality he intends to spend the rest of his life being who he is. Nothing in the closet here (except a lot of very loud print fabrics).

Meanwhile, Jeff Trail is working a manual labor job and loses it when a fellow vet asks why a career-track Annapolis graduate left the Navy. He has this friend-friend-plus?—an architect named David. They both get the news that Andrew’s coming into town. It’s not good news; they both have a past with him. Jeff takes evasive maneuvers, bunking with his pregnant sister, who urges him to come out to their parents. David’s left to deal with Andrew, who gives him a gold watch, proposes marriage, says he’s “a whole new person.” (He’s emphatically not a whole new person: Same sociopath, different day.) After David turns down his marriage proposal, he lets himself into Jeff’s apartment, rummages through his clothes, finds Jeff’s dress whites meticulously folded in a box along with his gun and a VCR tape. Wearing Jeff’s dress hat, Andrew watches the video, which contains interview footage that, as Jeff notes on camera, will probably end his career. The interview is about being gay in the military in the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” era. “They know,” he says. “I saved a sailor’s life once, they were beating him to death because he was gay. I did a good thing, the bravest thing I’ve ever done. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamed about taking that moment back, and letting him die, so they wouldn’t know about me.”

We flash back two years, to the incident described in the interview. Trail’s an officer with a good record and a bright future-until essentially outs himself by comforting the badly hurt and completely terrified victim of the beating in view of another officer. In the soul-searching that follows, Trail receives veiled and not-so-veiled threats, attempts an at-home tattoo removal, is given a truly freaky-looking “don’t ask don’t tell” primer presented in the form of a comic book, and attempts to hang himself but can’t go through with it. Eventually Trail goes into a gay bar. A young man in glasses notices him. “First time?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“There were clues,” Andrew Cunanan replies, and, in one of the show’s many brilliant moments of hideous inevitability, starts ordering rounds, being charming, and insinuating himself into Trail’s world. Jeff Trail is sincere and kind and bright and gorgeous and he has no idea he has just signed his own death certificate by letting one guy in one bar buy him a drink. But we do.

The two spend time together; for a while, Jeff feels that Andrew has helped him come to terms with his sexuality in certain ways. Andrew tries to undermine Jeff’s decision to go through with the interview (“So humiliating! Your face shadowed, your voice altered-like a criminal!”) but, like the wealthy couture designer in Miami to whom he will never know he is permanently connected, Jeff’s done wearing a mask. Done with being threatened, called “faggot,” and passed over for promotions. We see him drive to a motel for the interview, cutting the scene with Gianni and Antonio also walking down a (much more posh) hotel hallway to meet a journalist too. It’s a striking moment of contrasts and parallels. Two men, one famous, one a near-faceless piece of military machinery. One in sunlight, one in the shadows. One with a partner by his side, one alone. One a fashion designer, one a sailor. One is asked if he’s comfortable being “on the record” (yes) and the other asks for reassurance that the interviewer cannot be forced by military police to reveal his identity. They could hardly be more different. Yet the process—he reclamation of identity, the act of self-acceptance and helping to destigmatize something that shouldn’t be controversial but is, often violently so—is eerily identical.

Of course they do have one other thing in common, something neither of them will have time to realize: they will both be murdered by Andrew Cunanan.

We re-enter Minneapolis on the day of Jeff’s murder. He comes into his apartment, finds his dress uniform in a wrinkled mass on the bed and Andrew in his room. In the conflict that ensues Andrew’s still trying to tell Jeff the military doesn’t care about him, doesn’t want him but Andrew does. “You’re a liar,” Jeff says. “You have no honor.” Andrew keeps trying to manipulate and bait Jeff, but when Andrew tells Jeff how much he loves him, he gets an explosive “No one wants your love!” that we know before Jeff does has pretty much sealed his doom. Andrew zips his bag, and we get a glimpse of the gun Jeff doesn’t yet know he has stolen. He goes to David’s, interrupting a date. The other man leaves. David agrees to a talk.

Jeff meticulously presses and puts away his uniform. Then he gets a call from Andrew, with probably the only words that could possibly get his attention: “I have your gun.”

Jeff Trail’s sister delivers a baby girl. His answering machine slowly fills up with messages from his family, urging him to come and meet his niece.

[skulltula]

psst answer all those unusual asks!!

so,, man y omg

started 12:24 am

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify!

is your room messy or clean?answered!

what color are your eyes?brown!

do you like your name? why?¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i am neutral

what is your relationship status? dating @dreamui!

describe your personality in 3 words or lessanswered!

what color hair do you have?black!

what kind of car do you drive? color?i c an t drive

where do you shop?uhh mostly forever 21 and i used to shop @ wet seal until it died

how would you describe your style?i have no idea tbh,, grunge sometimes and jus kind of whatevers trendy other times

favorite social media accountanswered!

what size bed do you have? queen!

any siblings?8!

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?uhh tbh just austin would be nice?? id rlly like to just live in austin it seems like a really good city especially for the south

favorite snapchat filter? dog filter 🐶

favorite makeup brand(s)i like colourpop! i only rlly wear highlighter tho?? fenty beauty seems rlly gr8 too ofc thank u rihanna

how many times a week do you shower?i bathe with olive oil and a strigil like the ancient greeks sucker

favorite tv show?cxgf!! or jtv

shoe size?7.5

how tall are you?5′4″ish

sandals or sneakers? sneakers!

do you go to the gym?lmao no

describe your dream dateanywhere w my bb! i really like just going to places like the mall and walking around tbh but ofc restaurant dates r nice?? im not as romantic as id like to b rip

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?5 dollars

what color socks are you wearing? white!

how many pillows do you sleep with?none i dont like pillows

do you have a job? what do you do? [looks out the window]

how many friends do you have? uhhh around 15

[this ones too negative]

whats your favorite candle scent? anything vanilla tbh!

3 favorite boy namesorion, adante, troy

3 favorite girl namesquinn, zuri, cherry

favorite actor? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favorite actress? zendaya!!

who is your celebrity crush?zendaya!!!! or arian grande

favorite movie? answered!

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?n,,, i dont read a lot i dont have the attention span

money or brains? brains bc i can jus,, get money if i make some life changing shit

do you have a nickname? what is it? daizy °˖ ✧◝(○ ヮ ○)◜✧˖ °

how many times have you been to the hospital?i dont keep count tbh!! its not that many tho

top 10 favorite songshoney - kehlaniwait a minute! - willowthe other side of paradise - glass animalsbad decisions - ariana grandeperfect places - lordegravel to tempo - hayley kiyokoveggies - aminewild thoughts - dj kahled but lets be real rihanna owns the ssex - the 1975team - babeo baggins

do you take any medications daily? yyyy i should but its jus for stomach stuff so its not a Big Concern

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)dry-average

what is your biggest fear?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

how many kids do you want? 1 to 2

whats your go to hair style?short and manageable

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) small

who is your role model? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what was the last compliment you received?@dreamui gave me a lot in the ask thing she got today!! ////

what was the last text you sent?“horrified“

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?i always knew bc my mama didnt want me thinking a white man was giving me presents when it was her

what is your dream car? i,, dont know

opinion on smoking?i dont like ppl tht smoke cigarettes?? at least not the ppl tht smoke them in public non-smoking spaces or get mad when ppl r upset they have to breathe their fuckign shit air bu t ppl tht jus smoke weed r chill but i assume this was abt cigarettes

do you go to college? going to eventually ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what is your dream job? elementary school teacher!

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs!

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? hm i havent been to a hotel since i w as like,, 7?? but i dont think i have and idk if i would! ik some hotels r chill w it tho

do you have freckles? nahhh i dont

do you smile for pictures?i try to!!

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 430

have you ever peed in the woods? ye s it was a p mundane experience

do you still watch cartoons? yeah for sure!

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?crie s i love them both

Favorite dipping sauce? hmm i think maybe honey mustard

what do you wear to bed? whatever stuff i threw on after showering

have you ever won a spelling bee?na h i never entered i was too anxious

what are your hobbies?drawing, playing the sims, making ocs, writing vns that i never finish, cooking, gardening

can you draw? yeah!!

do you play an instrument?yeah! ukulele a little

what was the last concert you saw? uhhh oh god idk if ive been to a real one

tea or coffee?answered!

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?starbucks

do you want to get married?yes!! i do for sure

what is your crush’s first and last initial?cl

are you going to change your last name when you get married? yeah probably!

what color looks best on you? yellow i think?

do you miss anyone right now? yes my gf!! 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

do you sleep with your door open or closed?open usually bc my mom used to never let us close doors ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

do you believe in ghosts?mild belief i hav mild ghost belief

what is your biggest pet peeve? oh god i dont even know???

last person you called@dreamui!!

favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry rn!

regular oreos or golden oreos? golden oreos

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow!

what shirt are you wearing? this fuzzy blue pajama hoodie w bear ears tht i got for christmas

what is your phone background?lil pineapple guy

are you outgoing or shy?shyyy but im good at pretending to b outgoing

do you like it when people play with your hair?n o unless its my gf

do you like your neighbors? i like the gays that live above me

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?i dooo, in the morning.

have you ever been high? nope!

have you ever been drunk? nah!

last thing you ate? fried rice & chicken

favorite lyrics right now“i like my girls just like i like my honey; sweet, a little selfish.”

summer or winter? winter in tx is always better

day or night? day!

dark, milk, or white chocolate?dark!

favorite month? mayyyy

what is your zodiac signtaurus

who was the last person you cried in front of? @dreamui probably!

finished @ 1:17 am to b fair i zoned out a lot

[pietro-capimagines]

Love Divided Ch. 5 (Peter Parker x reader)

Hello, loves! I hope your day is going well. So, I have less than a month of school left, which means that I’ll have more time to write and be more active once I get through finals week. I don’t have a ton of time on my hands right now because I’m prepping for an expo and now my teachers feel like actually assigning work to us, so that’s fun. I just need to pull through these last four weeks and I swear I’ll be back to where I was before. I hope you guys understand.. You’re all amazing and I love you people. xoxo

Description: The brewing conflict between Tony and Steve are finally surfacing, causing everyone to choose a side. The heat within the team is rising, and everyone is beginning to realize what is to come. What happens when your relationship with Peter is divided? Will you choose your love? Or your morals?

Warnings: Really angsty. 

Chapter 4

MASTERLIST

You stood there, frozen in your own body. The shock inside of you had your feet glued to the floor as your eyes searched for some sort of answer in his face. What did he just say? 

“I said get out! Leave! You might as well leave now, because you’re leaving anyways, am I right?” He was mocking you, and you could see the heat rising onto his cheeks. 

You clenched your jaw, composing yourself. He was upset, you understood that. But you didn’t expect him to have an outburst like this. “Peter, please understand…” 

“What is there to understand? You’d rather help break up the Avengers than stay with me.” He glared at you from his bed, and the way his eyes pierced yours struck something in your heart. 

“That’s not it! I can’t fight on a side that I don’t believe in!” You walked briskly to the foot of his bed, a fire burning in your eyes. “Does it look like I want to leave? Can’t you see how much this is hurting me? It’s tearing me apart, Peter!” Your sobs were hateful and broken, but you managed to keep speaking. “If this situation didn’t come down to this, you know I’d stay. Peter, I love you and you know that.” 

His glare bore holes into your chest. “If you love me then why are you leaving? If you love me as much as you tell me, wouldn’t you choose me?” The look on his face was pleading, still angry, but now he was genuinely confused as well. “Wouldn’t you?” 

You were at a loss for words. Of course you had reasons for your decision to leave, and they were valid. But in that moment, you couldn’t find the right words to string together to make him understand. “Peter.. please don’t do this..” 

“No, answer my question. If you loved me as much as you have been telling me for the past year; wouldn’t you stay?” He was hellbent on getting a response from you, even if it broke your heart. 

You looked at him, scanning his face and studying his features. What you were about to say was going to tear you apart, but you had to. Your voice was soft, and there was a slight strain in your voice that was begging him to understand. “I would stay if I could live with the decision to fight for this side, even if I didn’t agree with it. The thing is, I can’t. I have to go, even though I love you with every piece of me. It’s the right thing for me to do, and I need you to understand that. I love you so much, and of course I want to stay with you, but I have to do this. Please, please don’t shut me out. At least understand where I’m coming from, Peter.” 

“F/N, frankly, I don’t. And I don’t even care anymore. So, just go. Leave. And no, don’t expect us to be together once this is over.” His voice was harsh, but he didn’t raise his voice anymore. “Yeah, I could hear some of the things you said while I was asleep.” He crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows at you in a matter-of-fact kind of way. “Because I couldn’t get back with you after this, never. So, leave because I couldn’t care less about what you do anymore as long as you get out of my sight.” He rolled his eyes at you and glued his gaze at the window, no longer looking you in the eye. 

“Peter-” 

“Go.” 

The tears were beginning to come back, and you felt them make hot streaks down your face. You watched as he clenched his jaw, keeping his eyes diverted to the skyline outside. There was a tight feeling inside your chest as you realized that he couldn’t be reasoned with. “Fine.” You said under your breath, moving your gaze from Peter to the stunned Tony that was still sitting in the chair beside his bed. Throughout this whole argument, you completely forgot that he was there, and now he had witnessed the outburst between you two. 

“F/N, Peter, wait-” Tony stood up, trying to stop you from leaving, but you were already out the door. You covered your mouth, trying to stifle your sobs, but the pain was so overwhelming that your had to grasp the wall for support to keep yourself from collapsing on the floor. 

“Ma’am, are you okay?” A doctor that was passing by saw your tear stained face and wobbling body. You nodded that you were fine, and tried your best to politely push past him, and exited the hospital. 

So many emotions were running through your body that you didn’t know which one to feel. Your anger was colliding with you sorrow, while your confusion got tangled up in emptiness. As you stumbled out of the hospital, you pulled your phone out of your pocket, and through your blurred vision, dialed Steve’s number. You leaned up against a column for support, pressing your sleeve up to your mouth to stop yourself from bursting into tears in public. 

“S-Steve, come get me… now… please… okay… bye…” When you were at the hotel just over an hour ago, you had called Steve, telling him that the time was coming for you to leave and join the rest of them. Of course, you didn’t think it would end like this. You tried to compose yourself to not draw attention, but the thoughts of the future that you hoped to have with Peter, that were now a distant memory, kept threatening it. 

About ten minutes after you hung up the call, a truck pulled up with Steve in his black cap in sunglasses. He immediately saw your disheveled state and tensed his grip on the steering wheel. Steve had always been like your big brother and he knew exactly who did this to you, but he wanted to know why. “F/N, get in before I walk up those stairs and punch that punk in the face.” 

Hey lovelies! I hope you liked this new chapter. I know its on the short side, but I couldn’t go into the next part without making it extremely long. I’ll have the next chapter of “Run Away Baby” either tomorrow or on Monday. And I just wanted to thank you all, because just yesterday I reached 1.4k and it’s crazy where this blog is going! I love you all, you’re so beautiful and amazing. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. xoxo

TAGLIST IS OPEN FOR THIS SERIES. 

Taglist:

@purplekitten30 @only-little-glances @spiderlingy @ok-ladies-lets-get-in-formation @barely-emily @ekinsyikin @queenvulca @unwantedcrustofpizza @gracemeister64 @dont-rain-on-my-fandom @red-bandana-girl @sorryimnxbxdy @glitterarmour234 @marcilinemadness2020 @buckaroo–barnes @itsemmyb @ravenclawnerdfromnarnia @halebhalebhaleb @courtneychicken @the-fandom-took-over-my-life @cakeisforchumps @gothicbubblegumrock @whenyouwannafindlove @afangirlssoul @broken-pieces @mcfuccfairy @fandomlover2001 @elegantnightmareshiro @buckysplumfondler @arabellaaurorabarnes @imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes @badassbaker @life-is-fuucked @elwenia @justmasblack @addictionmarvel @tryn25 @kkrissy12 @luv2reade16 @thefiregypsy @piercetheveilthatgrows @peascarrotsandwatermelon @avengers-earths-mightiest-heroes @adellyhatter-blog @143amberrose 

[lostinfic]

What’s left of Hardy

Trope: Hurt/comfort

Rating: general audiences

Word count: ~1900

Summary: Hannah always calls Hardy on New Year’s Day, but this year she thought he could use more than a call.

Tumblr masterpost | AO3 | 12 Tropes AO3 Collection

Set between S1 and S2 of Broadchurch

Hardy glanced at his phone for what felt like the tenth time in the last minute. He shook his head at his own foolishness and threw the mobile to the other end of the couch. Last he had heard, Hannah had a new book and a new boyfriend. Calling him would only depress her, why would she bother? But she always called, every year, on New Year’s Day. Usually she was the one who needed to talk to him, not the other way around.

Hardy sighed and returned his attention to some holiday special with Jimmy Carr— but why always Jimmy Carr?

He didn’t understand any of the jokes about politics, he was too out of touch with the world outside of his work. These tragedies he could do something about, albeit not as much as he wished.

Stretching across the sofa, he reached for his phone again.

I could give ring her.

Chasing the thought away, Hardy stood up and crossed the room to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Calling her, now that was a recipe for disaster. He cringed, remembering the last time he’d talked to her: he’d only just found out about Tess’s infidelity and, between his anger and desire to remain levelheaded, he’d been incoherent at best.

No wonder she hadn’t called him this year.

The kettle’s whistle pulled him out of his embarrassing recollection. Mug in hand, he returned to the living room where his eyes wandered to the locked drawer containing his Sandbrook case files. He could visit Claire, perhaps the holiday spirit would make her confess.

Hardy changed out of his t-shirt and sweatpants then remembered Claire had left Broadchurch to visit her family in Wales. He’d argued against that decision; Lee Ashworth would know where to find her. But in the end, he couldn’t keep her from her family. Probably for the best. No doubt she would have seen through his poor excuse and detected his loneliness.

A silhouette passed behind the bedroom curtains, and his stomach twisted in a knot of fear.

Lee Ashworth?

Hardy rushed out of the bedroom just as someone knocked on the door. He took a careful peek between the venetian blinds. What he saw made his heart beat faster: blond curls and a yellow coat; sunshine incarnate on the longest night of the year.

“What are you doing here?”

“Happy New Year to you too.” Hannah pecked his lips. “I thought you could use more than a phone call this year.”

She thrusted a paper bag in his arms, its content clinked.

“Alcohol?”

“Where are your glasses?” she asked, making her way to the kitchen. “Christ. What kind of shabby place is this?”

“Did you come all the way here to insult my home?”

“Amongst other things.”

She smirked and kissed his cheek. He pretended to be annoyed.

Hannah pulled a champagne bottle out of the paper bag, but there was something else in there: a book. Her book to be precise, entitled “New Experiences” with a strip of lace and manacles pictured on the cover. He’d have to hide it, he could only imagine Ellie’s reaction if she discovered an erotic novel in his house— if she ever came back from Devon that is.

“It’s a gift,” she explained as she popped opened the bottle.

“Classy.”

Inside the cover, he found a dedication: “May the new year bring you some ’new experiences’ of your own. Love, Hannah.”

“God’s sake, Han.”

“What? It’s true, you’re in your forties and recently divorced, it’s the best time to have a midlife crisis and get kinky with the secretary. Please tell me you shagged someone at the office party.”

He rolled his eyes. “Insults, champagne and erotica.”

“And my charming personality, of course.”

“Of course.”

She clinked her glass to his, and they took a sip, holding each other’s gaze.

“What happened to, erm…”

“Jeremy? Yeah, he dumped me before Christmas.”

“Bugger him.”

She shrugged and pulled the cowl neck of her tunic to her cheek. “He’s not that bad, just still in love with his ex. He’s a copper, did I tell you?” She smiled wistfully. “Guess I have a type.”

Hardy choked on his champagne. A type? What did that mean? Before he could ask, she’d moved to the living room.

“God is that Jimmy Carr again?”

They settled on the couch and she took control of the remote, flipping through channels. He sat ramrod straight, staring at her. She glanced his way, and he quickly turned to the television.

Now that the shock of her arrival had worn off, he wondered why she had come here. This year of all years. He mentally braced himself. Raising an inner shield against all the feelings rising to the surface in her presence.

She turned sideways to face him. “So, how was your year?”

“No. I’m not doing that.”

“Why not?”

“This year was shite and you know it.”

She brought her feet up on the couch and encircled her knees. With a frown, she glanced at his untouched glass of champagne. She pressed her lips in a compassionate smile. When she looked at him, he thought of that machine coroners use to reveal subdermal bruising. She could see right through him, she always could. She detected the pain he was trying to hide. Emotions swelled in him. He hated it. He didn’t want to connect with that miserable part of him: the heartache and hopelessness. The nightmares were bad enough. It was all better left buried, somewhere under his ribcage, smothering his heart.

“You alright?” she asked.

“Yep. Fine. You?”

“You’re not fine.”

“I told you: I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not? You need to.”

He glared at her. “I’m not one of those-- those pathetic men who pay 300 quid to cry in your arms for an hour.”

“You just had to bring my job into that.” She crossed her arms.

He didn’t reply, just stared away.  He could feel the dizziness coming, a spell of lightheadedness that he tried to breathe away.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Hannah taunted him.

Arguments were not exactly a rare occurrence between them. They usually lasted longer. They enjoyed it in a way, it was familiar, and once the anger was out of the way, they could get to real feelings. His refusal to engage spoke volumes.

They watched the rest of the show in silence. Her fidgeting betrayed her discomfort. Neither of them laughed at any of the jokes.  As the credits rolled, she announced her departure. His attempts to hold her back were lackluster.

She sniffed as she put on her coat, but refused to meet his eyes when he spoke her name.

It took him an hour to get off his high horse and admit what a knob he’d been. It took another hour to work up the courage to call her and apologize. And she made him work for it.

“Alright then, come to the Trader’s.”

“What?”

She’d been too upset to endure a two-hour train journey and had checked in at the hotel instead.

“Besides I knew you would call and beg for forgiveness.”

Her words reeked of smugness, but he recognized hope in them too. She’d stayed in Broadchurch. She’d hoped.  And if he was being honest, as grumpy as his agreement to meet her may have sounded, there was hope in him too.

Hardy walked out in the cold to the hotel and ignored Becca’s quizzical gaze. He headed straight to Hannah’s room.

It looked the same as the one he’d rented for too long, but flipped. Hannah sitting on the bed, reminded him of how much he’d wished for her presence this year. And now she was here, sitting on the bed.

“You alright?” he asked her.

“Yeah. Fine… I don’t know what I was thinking coming here.”

She chuckled and there was a hint of nervousness to it. She picked at the hole in her jeans. He sat down beside her, elbows on knees. He had to ask.

“Why did you come here?”

“I always call you on New Year’s eve.”

“Yeah-- call.”

“But there’s always, you know, Tess or Daisy. This year you were alone.”

“I’m not lonely.”

“No, I didn’t mean like that… I meant, you’re alone so we can be alone.”

“Alone together.”

“Yeah.”

He searched her face, trying to decipher her meaning before his heart got carried away.

“What? Don’t look so shocked. It’s been ages since we hung out.”

“Right.”

“And I worried about you.”

“Han…” he warned.

“I know, I know. I’m not asking. It’s just, I thought you would call again. You called me after Tess… Then I saw you on the news. That poor boy. I thought you’d call again.”

“Did you want me to?”

“I guess I’d hoped… with the divorce-- I don’t know.”

And there was that voice of hers, faint, childish almost. A reminder that her confidence was just as much a façade for her as it was for him.

He’d never let himself think about her that way. Not when he was a father and a husband. But now… he swallowed thickly. His fingers itched to reach for her. Could he? Just for one night. To have her against him. Her warmth, he perfume, her laughter. His heart ached for it, but he didn’t trust himself. The walls he’d built around his heart were no match to the strength of her smile, and once they crumbled who knew what would pour out. Nothing good would come out of that. Not in the long term that is, short term, well, she would be in his arms and if that wasn’t the very definition of good, he didn’t know what was.

“It’s so hard to tell how you’re doing.” She shifted to her knees, closer to him. Her eyes scanned his face, and he jutted his chin out, clenching his jaw in a stoic mask. The look in her eyes softened. She reached for his cheek but he shrank away. She dropped her hand to his chest. Under her touch, it filled with a sharp breath. She cocked her head with a sympathetic smile.

“Han don’t—”

“I like the scruff.”

“You don’t.”

“I do. It’s very rawr, you know.”

He chuckled and it released some tension from his shoulders. When she touched his cheek, he didn’t wince. His beard bristled under her thumb. He fought the feeling, he really did, but still his eyes fluttered shut.

“Alec…”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

He opened his eyes, surprised she’d dropped the subject so easily.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I think… to tell you the truth I think I’m the one who’s not well.” A twinkle in her eyes betrayed her strategy. “Can I get a cuddle? It’s for me, not for you, I swear.”

“I know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she sing-sang, wrapping her arms around his waist.

His hand hovered behind her head, and with a sigh, he relented and caressed her hair.

“It’s not a cuddle unless both your arms are around me,” she remarked.

“You’re a lot of work, you know that.” He hugged her-- with both arms. “Thank you.”

He rested his cheek on top of her head, making sure she wouldn’t see him tearing up.

[gethealthy18-blog]

Why I Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions & What I Do Instead

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/why-i-dont-make-new-years-resolutions-what-i-do-instead/

Why I Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions & What I Do Instead

I’m going to share a little secret… I’m really competitive. (Like, really.) My husband is the same way. So you’d think we’d be great at New Year’s resolutions, right?

Not so much! Let me explain why…

New Year’s Resolutions: Yay or Nay?

Of course I’m not against the idea of self-improvement (far from it) and I’m in full support of setting New Year’s resolutions if it works for you. It became apparent that we needed something different for our family after a few years of trying to set and keep New Year’s resolutions together.

I’m the first one to say that better habits are worth the effort and that strong daily routines go a long way toward a successful outcome. Still, if you’re like me and winning is important (maybe too important), goal-setting has the potential to be frustrating.

My usual downward spiral when it comes to New Year’s resolutions (or resolutions in general) goes something like this:

I think too big and bite off more than I can chew.

I get mad at myself when I don’t accomplish the goal as I thought I would.

Therefore, I don’t want to make new resolutions.

My intentions, while admirable, were not getting me too far. Time for a new approach!

Out with New Year’s Resolutions… in With Experiments!

Since my husband is the exact same way, one year we had a meeting of the minds (over a glass of wine, of course) and decided to take some pressure off of New Year’s resolutions. That year, instead of resolutions, we would try experiments.

In case you were hoping for something more revolutionary, hear me out…

First, let’s look at the definition of “resolution”:

a firm decision to do or not to do something

the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter

Now let’s compare “experiment”:

a scientific procedure undertaken to make a discovery, test a hypothesis, or demonstrate a known fact

a course of action tentatively adopted without being sure of the eventual outcome

Doesn’t one sound a little more motivating (and fun) than the other?

We totally owe Tim Ferriss for the inspiration for our experimental approach:

“I like pushing myself to the limit and pushing the envelope, and in my mind that is not really compatible with a reliable long-term plan,” says Ferriss. “I generally treat my life as six-month projects and two-week experiments of various types. Then I take the most attractive door that pops up, and rinse and repeat.”

Calling our goals “experiments” (we also call them “challenges” at times) builds excitement about the process and keeps the focus on the learning process more than the end result. We make a hypothesis about what will happen and see what we can learn from the experience… no winning or losing involved.

It may sound like the easy way out but these experiments suit the more intense personalities in our house because they allow us to have laser focus for a shorter period of time. Or, we can just have fun with it and see where it leads, depending on what our family needs at the time.

Ideas for a Healthy New Year (& How to Stay Motivated)

So how to start “experimenting” with a great 2019? Here are some favorite experiments and challenges we’ve tried over the years (and I share a full list of mini-goals for the New Year in this podcast if you’re interested):

1. Keep a Journal

If there’s any one way to make positive changes (and keep them), making long-term things much more accomplishable on a smaller scale and on a daily basis is the place to start. This is where a daily journal comes in.

Research shows that journaling reduces stress and has a real impact on happiness and physical health. I’ve always kept some kind of journal, but this year for the sake of research and a bunch of new health routines I plan to try, I’m experimenting with getting a much more detailed journaling process going, such as:

things I’m grateful for

a health picture of the day (what I ate, exercise, how I’m feeling, etc.)

my daily to-do list

a challenge list (more on that in my 2019 New Year’s podcast)

One of my favorite ways to manage my to-do list is to pick the two most important things for the day, every day. (Something besides obviously feeding my family and keeping up with the household, etc.) If all I can get done is those two most important things, then I can consider that day a success!

2. Take a Detox Baby Step

I’m often asked how I “do it all,” and the answer is… a little at a time! The recipes and health articles you see on the blog came to be over 10+ years of experiments, trials, and false starts. I’ve shared my successes, but as my kids would be all too happy to tell you… there were plenty of failures along the way!

This is why I designed my Wellness Mama 5-Step Lifestyle Detox book to offer baby steps that let you tackle a little at a time, in the area of life that matters most to you. Whether it’s your food, cleaning products, makeup and beauty products, or even your mental health that you want to declutter and make healthier, there’s a step that will help with that (in a way that’s not overwhelming or unrealistic).

Some baby steps to start on (covered in detail in the book):

Replace conventional cleaners and detergents with natural ones (get 15% off my favorite starter kit at Branch Basics with code MAMA15)

Swap out plastic cups, plates, or silverware for nontoxic alternatives

Clear the mental clutter and reconnect by setting a digital day off (use a kitchen safe if you have to).

3. Write up (or Refine) a Family Manifesto

Years ago we discovered the power of a family manifesto to shape our family culture. It keeps growing and changing as our family does, but we’re very intentional about pursuing those goals.

I’ve explained more about what’s in our family manifesto elsewhere, but a big goal in our family is to raise kids with an entrepreneurial mindset. This is something that is very important to both my husband and myself. We try to give them opportunities to think outside of the box because with the way some things in the world and environment are headed, we need people who can tackle and solve these problems.

Once we narrowed down to our the core values that really define and excite us, we put it in writing. Visual reminders like these wall quotes help keep us focused on what really matters to our family.

4. Conduct a Sleep Experiment

Having trouble narrowing down to just one thing to tackle this year? What if I told you just one thing could help your body restore and heal, regulate hormone production, boost your mood, and aid in weight loss? Yep, sleep! Plus it’s free (or almost free)!

Of course as moms there are many situations that make it tough to get enough sleep, but when even just one missed night of sleep can give you the blood sugar levels of a diabetic or pre-diabetic, it’s an area to take seriously.

One thing I can control even as a mom is my sleep environment and this is a great place to start experimenting. I go into exactly what I do in this post, but some additional things to try are:

avoiding blue light a few hours before sleep (or wear orange glasses)

lowering the temperature at night

using black-out curtains (and ditching nightlights)

investing in a good quality mattress

exposure to outdoor light for at least 30 minutes in the morning (or use a sun lamp)

Sleep better and you’re already off to a great start in 2019!

5. Have an Attitude of Gratitude

It sounds cliché, but cultivating gratitude as a daily habit is perhaps even more important than any resolution or experiment, because it’s the secret to fighting stress and staying motivated. The point here is to keep from falling into the trap of thinking, “If only I had XYZ, I’d be happy,” or, “If only I didn’t have to deal with ABC, I’d be happy.” This is a pretty vicious cycle.

I love this TED talk from Shawn Anchor where he points out that gratitude and happiness are the first step and not the end result. So making the choice to be happy and have gratitude is not only healthy, but it can improve performance and success as well! Sometimes just writing down what we’re grateful for (and telling others we’re grateful for them too) is all we need to realize we’re doing just fine.

2018: A Wellness Mama Year in Review

Resolutions aside, I do value this time of year for reflecting on all we’ve done and accomplished. The last 525,600 minutes have been busy, hectic, hard, amazing, rewarding, and so many other things all rolled into one crazy year and I’m so grateful that I got to spend it with all of you!

To celebrate some of the things that make life easier (hooray!), I’m sharing some the best natural living resources and hacks I found in 2018 (and I’d love to hear yours in the comments as well).

Highlight of 2018: Working With My Best Friend!

2018 will go down in the books as one of my very favorite years, because it’s the one when Heather and I decided to join forces! Now we have unlimited excuses to hang out (you know, in the name of health research) and make even better content for all of you.

You’ll see more changes coming on the site soon, and thanks for your patience as we navigate all the technical ins and outs of creating the new and improved Wellness Mama!

Biggest Lesson Learned: Hurricane Michael

It was a real test this year sitting in a hallway of a hotel and watching the predictions that the path of the storm would make landfall exactly where we lived. Trying to choose gratitude in that moment, even realizing everything we owned could be gone, was definitely difficult.

At the same time, it made me realize more than ever how the most important things are people we love and how little else we really need.

Our house was spared, but with the devastation still in many areas around us, there’s a long road ahead for our area. It’s spectacular how people here are pulling together to help each other and I won’t ever forget this lesson about the importance of community.

Favorite Christmas Memory: Handmade Gifts

No matter how I try to keep them little, my kids just keep getting older. Many of them are starting to handle gifting on their own. I loved seeing how many of them chose to give handmade gifts this year. I’ll cherish these gifts more than anything that could come from a store, and thanks to online courses from Udemy, some of them were complete surprises I didn’t even know they could make!

Biggest Health Game-Changer: SteadyMD

I wrote a lot this year about what we use for health care, and we’ve made some big changes for the better. My family doctor is now only a text away thanks to a service called SteadyMD. They asked me a series of questions about our lifestyle and health preferences and matched each person in the family to the best doctor for them. Our SteadyMD docs are on call 24/7, and mine even specializes in Hashimoto’s (since he has it himself).

We use the family plan so I can text or call the doctor about all of the bumps, scrapes, sprains, and mysterious rashes (oh, the rashes!) that seem to come with having kids.

p.s. If you’ve ever thought about using a health-sharing ministry or service in place of insurance, I write about our (very positive) experience with Samaritan here.

My Favorite New Gadget: The Oura Ring

I’ve stayed away from sleep trackers and Fitbits until now because I didn’t like the idea of wearing wireless technology… until I found the Oura Ring! Unlike other trackers, the Oura Ring works in airplane mode. It’s incredibly accurate too. I can set fitness goals, track my heart rate, get a view of my physical activity, analyze sleep patterns, and even track my cycle.

Runners Up:

Best Beauty Product: Alitura Naturals

Just when I thought I’d perfected my oil cleansing facial routine, I found a skincare line that blows everything I’ve ever tried out of the water. The amazing formulas include all of the best organic skincare ingredients like jojoba oil, rosehip oil, bee propolis, astaxanthin, neroli oil, and more. I interviewed Alitura founder Andy Hnilo in this podcast, and the story behind his company is so inspiring.

Runners Up:

Best New Health Product for Kids: Genexa

I can’t even tell you how excited I am that there is now a natural, organic, dye and preservative-free line of over-the-counter medicines at the corner pharmacy. It’s basically what I’ve dreamed about for years. I use Genexa’s Sleepology when the kids can’t sleep, Allergy-D for seasonal allergies, and their Cold Crush and saline spray to loosen congestion… but the whole line is amazing. Check them out here.

Runner Up:

Ready, Set, Food! – Only in the runner-up category because it is for the more limited category of babies ages 4-11 months, but this is a break-through new product all moms should know about, especially if you worry about your children developing food allergies.

Favorite New Recipe

I’ve always liked recreating my favorite restaurant meals at home, but this was the year I perfected some of my favorite “at-home take-out” meals (and saved a lot of money in the process):

Favorite Snack or Quick Breakfast: PaleoValley Beef Sticks

Hands down, my favorite kid-friendly snack in the pantry are these PaleoValley beef sticks. Unlike a lot of other snacks they deliver a solid dose of protein and keep kids satisfied until we get to where we’re going. They’re also organic, grass-fed, and naturally fermented and shelf-stable without preservatives. My kids’ favorite flavors are the Original and the Summer Sausage.

Runners up:

Best Time-Saver in the Kitchen: Real Plans

Without a doubt, the tool that saves me the most time in the kitchen is Real Plans for meal planning. The Instant Pot saves me the most time in cooking, but Real Plans saves time planning and shopping (and it has many Instant Pot recipes too!). My favorite part? It is so easy to use that I can plan everything from my phone while waiting at kid activities!

Word of the Year

I’m keeping my word of the year from 2018 because I think it’s still fitting — “community.” It couldn’t be more fitting as I’m trying to focus on building strong community in our home, our city, and here on the blog. What is your word this year? If you need ideas, try this word of the year generator for a kickstart!

Giving Back in 2018…

From the very beginning, the mission of Wellness Mama has been to help other families live healthier lives and empower moms (and dads) with practical ways to accomplish this.

I feel like the mission to help parents provide healthy food for their families doesn’t stop in my own community or even just in the blogging community as there is such a need for this internationally.

Did you know?

If you’ve ever clicked a link on the site and made a purchase from there, you’ve helped keep WellnessMama.com up and running, and a percentage of that is also donated to charities that provide sustainable food and water sources worldwide. Thank you so much if you’ve helped support my blog in this way and also helped support many others worldwide.

Reviewing the numbers today, the giving is the real thing that I’m most excited about and most proud of. Over the years, the Wellness Mama Community… YOU… have helped provide items to families in need all over the world.

These gifts not only provide food or clothing to those in need, but in many cases, also a sustainable food or water source and a way for a family to earn an income.

Over the years, you’ve helped give:

2000 pounds of non-perishable foods

840 chickens for eggs, meat and income for families

72 pigs for food and income for families

12 goats for food and income for families

4 donkeys for transportation and tilling

3 water pumps that each provide water to a village

4 beehives for food and income for families

20 fruit trees so that families can grow the fruit and sell

10 pairs of work boots so farmers can work safely

5 sets of agricultural tools for small farmers

10 large coolers for fishermen to store fish to sell

8 sewing machines and thread/material for women to open sewing businesses

plus medical supplies and school supplies for children around the world

These things were donated through Food for the Poor in case you want to send some chickens to someone in need this year 🙂

I’ve always been a big believer in the “teach a man to fish” mentality, and giving in this way not only provides food or water for someone one time, but helps other families to start their own businesses and provide food for their children regularly. Because at the end of the day:

Looking Forward to 2019…

Again, thank you so much for reading, for being a part of the Wellness Mama community, and for sharing in the mission of providing a healthier future for our children.

In 2019 I hope you’ll join me in one of my personal goals: to let go of the stress, expectations, and perfectionism that seem to go hand in hand with modern motherhood. To set a good example for my children and teach them the coping skills to manage stress as they get older.

If this sounds like a lofty goal, it’s only because it’s one I’ve been working on for years. I can finally say I’m at the point where I’m letting go of old habits and convincing my Type-A driven personality to make self-care and self-compassion a priority.

I’ll be talking about these things a lot more on the blog this year, and sharing the systems and habits that have made the difference for me. Hopefully what I’ve experienced will help some of you, and I’m sure you’ll have ideas for me!

Happy New Year 2019, Wellness Mamas!

I may be the original Wellness Mama, but the truth is all of you make this community what it is — a tribe of moms searching for better ways to care for ourselves and our families. I’m honored to be on the journey with all of you, and I wish each of you a very peaceful, happy, and healthy 2019!

Do you make New Year’s resolutions? What works or doesn’t work for your family? I’d love to hear your ideas for experiments, challenges, or resolutions!

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/26215/new-years-resolutions/