#but this is why i love the ides of march meme so much

[sigmundite]

I had to reblog the post where Caesar was killed with cardboard tubes immediately. It made me smile because when I killed Caesar, we killed him with balloons.

Let me back up a moment.

In my senior year of high school, before tumblr was a twinkle in someone’s eye, we killed Caesar - a beloved English and humanities teacher. He also ran a literary magazine for our school, and each year they would put on Shakespeare in the Park to promote and raise funds for that magazine. That literary magazine was entirely made of student creations and almost entirely edited by students as well. He was a bastion of knowledge and an eager steward of creativity.

So I and the chief editor of the magazine that year, as well as several of our friends, decided to do a bit of Shakespeare in the classroom. We took our inspiration straight from the play. We had a soothsayer deliver him a tea-stained letter of warning. The editor spent the most time with him, especially as Shakespeare in the Park loomed ahead, so she put up a sign that said BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH! At home we prepared name tags to show which senators we were (I was Cinna). We blew up balloons to use as weapons. I talked to the teachers of my friends classes to get the okay for them to leave class.

Third period that day, we gathered together and put togas and our nametags on. Some of the boys forgot to bring sheets, so they made them out of newspaper (which is still hilarious to me). We made our way into the classroom and in the confusion that followed, we declared Caesar must die and did the deed. (We couldn’t all get behind him, but a few of us did) We told everyone to support Shakespeare in the Park just to make it official, but he wouldn’t let us leave the classroom until everyone gave us a round of applause. Apparently he was raving about it for the rest of the day!

So what I mean to say is, the Ides of March doesn’t have to be something you celebrate alone or just with the people in your phone. The Ides of March can be celebrated with and by everyone!

[gffa]

This is, uh, pretty embarrassing, but I've only been on Tumblr for a few years and I'm not super active so I was wondering... why does this website celebrates the ides of march so hard? Like, was there a reason, something specific that started it, or is it just something that is and everyone accepts because it's funny?

Hi! Not embarrassing at all--and you pretty much have it right there: it was funny and everyone accepts it because it's funny. Tumblr loves irreverent memes and that one just happened to take off, who knows why that specific one, usually it's just right time, right place, funny joke that got the right traction. Pretty much anything that people can make stupid shitpost graphics about is something we love because Tumblr has destroyed our sense of humor and anything that's random and can't be entirely predicted is what just hits our sense of humor. (All of this very generalized speaking and just my experience, but having been on this hellsite for like 10 years and being a Connoisseur Of Memes™ as I am, I haven't seen anything deeper than that. 😂)

[ambrosiafaery]

Heya Vtubers! It's nice to see people moving over from twitter - as much as people joke about "amping up the cringe" to drive people off, tumblr's more welcoming than you're expecting!

My ask box is definitely open if people have questions and I've seen some help starter guides floating around, and figured why not make my own too?

This isn't about how to use tumblr though it's about a lot of the common in jokes/memes that float around. Tumblr culture works very different than Twitter culture - memes dont really come and go, they stick around. Part of this is because you can reblog posts multiple times - and yes I know good memes stick around on twitter too, but it's a very different slowness to Tumblr meme culture

This does in fact mean someone can and will flood your dashboard with repeats of the same post and yes I'm looking at you reg

We've got some silly weekly traditions like out of touch thursday, wizard wednesday, and fingers in his ass sunday and yes people Do re-reblog that shit every week. If you tell me "I like your shoelaces" I will, very stupidly, blurt out the first thing that comes to mind and it will be "Thanks I stole them from the president"

The rest shall be under a readmore because this got Very long. It's not all the memes but its a lot of my favorites that I see pretty often.

the "color theory" post

if someone says anything about color theory especially if they mentioned "children's hospital" they're likely referring to this

The skeleton wars preceded my entry onto tumblr but that was in fact a thing learn your history

Mishapocalypse was also a thing, but more relevant, is our newest holiday, Nov 4-5th

I hate to say you had to be there, but it really was a sort of manic energy you can experience in the moment. It didn't matter if you liked supernatural, destiel, sherlock, or anything, we All held hands on Nov 5th

The queen's death came mildly close, but there won't another queerbait like it. This is also the origin of the superhell meme for my fellow LGBT+

Speaking of the queen, tumblr had been waiting to celebrate her death for a Long time. People will be respectful about how her death affected shit for everyone, but they aren't going to be respectful towards her or the royal family here. We had our crab raves ready for Years before she finally kicked the bucket.

We did enjoy the sexyman polls btw, even if you twitter people were silly enough to host them offsite

"Daily Dracula" isn't just tumblr specific, but it is very popular here. It's an email newletter that sends snippets of the classic novel in real time with dates from the book.

horse plinko.

I don't have room for the entirety of the Connecticut Clark saga but its a lovely comic and Cark and Malfina are All our blorbos

You may be familiar with tumblr celebrating the Ides of March (also a very real holiday respect our traditions), so heres another history meme we've got. If people joke about the value or copper or Ea-nasir, theyre referring to this post

Around 2017, there was a time where nazi, pedo, terfs and other sorts of shit blogs were taken over by someone using Toy Story's Woody as an icon and Howdy Pardner as a blog title. Eventually the whole thing got out of hand but whoever originated Woody's Roundup was pretty funny

Popularity on tumblr is hard to gauge, but theres a few blogs out there that just Everyone knows.

We know Sixpenceee for the "Sixpenceee Heals" incident among others,

we know about thejorie's Three Weed Smoking Girlfriends,

we had bone stealing witches at one point, but not sure if they're still hanging around

thecybersmith is well known for being the Human Pet Guy among other incredibly weird takes. i think they also went to twitter but they've got a Reputation here for sure

we are Very Aware about John and Hank Green due to an incident when editing other people's posts was a thing, and people edited one of John Green's posts to be very nsfw. There's a bit of a back and forth on this one whether it was actually funny or not, but this incident did drive them off tumblr which makes John Green's recent string of tweets Fascinating

The wizard blogs are special to us, please be polite to them and pay your wizard tithes on time. I don't listen to the wizard council though, I'll cast transmute idaho if I want to.

People are sometimes really bad about reading the op of a post, and one-time-i-dreamt is well known for jumpscaring people with posts that seem like almost real encounters until you realize the blog title means this was something someone dreamed

There's definitely more but i woke up in a cold sweat at 3:30 am to write this and its now 5am so I'll leave it at that. add your favorite tumblr specific memes if you'd like.

tumblr loves to beat a dead horse (or put it in a plinko) so dont be afraid to reblog old jokes, or put a new spin on an old joke, or be like Reg who regularly reblogs the "i control the paladins" tiktok fifty times in a row when people get a bit too weird in their notes (not an exaggeration. I learned tumblr hotkeys for you my beloved mutual)

[ljf613]

Colonization & Imperialism in ATLA

One of the things I’ve noticed in fandom complaints about the ATLA comics-- namely, “The Promise”-- and subsequently, LOK’s worldbuilding, is the way the narrative handles colonization. 

I see a lot about how what the Earth Kingdom chose to do with the former colonies is “none of Zuko’s (or Aang’s) business.” (I also see people talking about how Katara would never support colonialism, in any shape or form, no matter the circumstances.) 

And I just.... don’t vibe with those ideas? At all? 

Like, I definitely have problems with the comics-- especially “The Promise,” where all the drama centers around Miscommunications of Epic Proportions and could have been resolved in Part One if all the characters just sat down and listened to each other (not to mention that Aang would never have agreed to make that promise, nor would Zuko have asked it of him (Sokka would be a more obvious choice, but that’s a different discussion))-- but I never had any issues with their worldbuilding. 

I love the idea of Yu Dao, and the fact that the narrative acknowledges that a new kind of world has new kinds of problems. It makes sense to me that we can’t always just “give back the land we took.” And I found the idea of the end solution being  “give the people who live there their own country” really cool and empowering. 

So I want to talk about why I feel this way. About what kind of real-world parallels can be made here. About some little-known bits of world-history that compare. 

(Please note that for this meta I am only going to be discussing the relationship between Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. As far as I am aware-- and I could be wrong-- there is no real-world genocide quite comparible to what Sozin did to the Air Nomads, and most of the people alive in ATLA were not actually around for or involved in that. And the relationship the Fire Nation has with the Water Tribes-- and that the North and South have with each other-- is worth a whole separate analysis, and doesn’t deserve to just be shoved into this one.)

(Disclaimer: While this is in response to some of the interpretations I’ve seen on this site, it is not meant to discount or invalidate those fans’ views-- I’m just trying to show my take on it. I am a firm believer in the power of active discourse, and the value of looking at the same scenes through different lenses, rather than just getting one opinion and accepting it as Absolute Truth.) 

The main thing I notice in general ATLA discourse-- and not just on this topic, but in any sort of meta about the Fire Nation, colonization, and global impact-- is that the fandom mostly compares the war and its after-affects to real-world Imperialism, the Age of Imperialism, New Imperialism, and Colonization. 

And I understand why that is. In the grand scheme of world history, that era is still fairly recent, and we are still dealing with the afteraffects from it. It has shaped the Western World’s worldview on every level. (Not to mention that the Euro-centric way we’re taught history means that this piece of world history is the one we’re most exposed to, and so have the most understanding of and room to analyze/criticize.) 

However, there are a few issues with sticking only to this perspective. 

First off, the Age of Imperialism was a direct response to the Age of Exploration. This was the period of time when white Europeans sailed around the world acting as though they were discovering new places and pretending that there weren’t already existing civilizations there. 

[ID: Two dots meme, edited so that Guy A says “i’ve discovered a NEW WORLD,” Guy B replies “you didn’t discover ****,” and Guy A insists “i’ve discovered it” / End ID.] 

Now, I’ve mentioned this in passing, but the world of ATLA doesn’t appear to have had an Age of Exploration. There’s no vast “undiscovered” land masses, the four nations have always known about each other, and they all have a shared language. 

The whole foundation for the Age of Imperialism was “oh, look, there are all these ‘unexplored’ lands with resources ripe for the picking (who cares about the indigenous people, they’re just simplistic savages who don’t know what’s best for them), let’s see which European country can grab the most land first.” 

This was a race. This was sudden. This was Europeans coming in and taking over while viewing the natives as bothersome pests. This was about multiple major world powers competing over resources. 

This was not 100 years of active warfare between a single conquering country and the very people they were trying to conquer. 

The parallels don’t hold up. 

Secondly, by focussing only on this one kind of historical narrative, we ignore any others. 

I will admit that I have used the word “imperialism” in reference to the Fire Nation a time or two. However, upon further reflection, I realize I didn’t really mean imperialism, which is actually a fairly modern concept. What I feel the Fire Nation is really an example of is centralism and expansionism-- two ideaologies that have been a way of life for conquering empires throughout history. 

(I am in no way qualified to explain the differences between these concepts-- I recommend doing your own research if you’re curious.) 

The Persian Empire. The Greek Empire. The Roman Empire. The Byzantine Empire. The Mongolian Empire. The Russian Empire. The First French Empire. 

You could take any of these (or numerous others) and make an interesting analysis between the similarities and differences between their behaviors and that of the Fire Nation. And maybe I’ll do that someday. 

However, I started this to talk about Yu Dao and all of the other so-called colonies (I really feel like territories would be a better word, but, again, that’s a whole ’nother discussion), and I’d like to focus on that. 

FYI, here’s a basic history refresher: If two countries are at war, and then they decide to end the war, neither country is required to return captured territories. They can make a treaty and agree to do so, but there is no obligation to. The Fire Nation didn’t just march in and say, “this is our land now”-- they fought for it. They captured that land. Just because the war is over doesn’t mean they need to just give it back. 

Like it or not, that is the way the world operated for thousands of years, and so that is the interpretation I’m working with here. 

In any case, “The Promise” actually presents this as a three-way conversation. There’s Zuko (and, by default, the Fire Nation), Kuei (and, by default, Ba Sing Se and the Earth Kingdom), and the people of Yu Dao themselves. 

(My understanding of the Earth Kingdom’s style of government is that it’s made up of a large collection of different ethno-cultural regions who all answer to Ba Sing Se.) 

I’ll let Sokka explain it: 

[ID: Comic panel from Part Three of “The Promise.” Sokka and Katara are talking, both in obvious states of agitation, while Suki and Toph are looking at something in the background. Sokka is saying, “Let me see if I got this. The protestors and the Earth Kingdom Army want the colonials to go, the Fire Nation Army wants the colonials to stay, and the Yu Dao Resistance just want their city to be left alone?” Katara responds, “Yes!” / End ID.] 

The people of Yu Dao don’t care about the war. They don’t even really care who’s in charge. They just want to be left alone. 

This speaks to me on a very personal level, so I’m going to make another real-world comparison here: 

My ancestors first came to America to escape from the poverty and opression they were experiencing in a place known as “White Russia”-- that is, Belarus. To be clear, I am not talking about the country “Belarus,” but the region, which includes the modern-day countries of Lithuania, Ukraine, Belarus, Latvia and Moldova, as well as parts of Poland and Russia. 

I looked up White Russia, trying to find out how much information someone who didn’t grow up hearing stories about what it was like (that is, most of the people reading this,) might have. I didn’t find much. Most of what I found talked about political ideologies and such-- things that your average poor peasant, struggling just eke out a living, didn’t have much energy to care about. So let me paint a(n oversimplified) picture for you. 

Imagine you’re a poor shoemaker in a small town on the Russian border. You spend your days hard at work, trying to earn a living to support your wife and nine children. You’ve never left the town you were born in. One day you get the news: Russia and Poland are fighting again. Your two oldest sons (ages 15 and 17) are forcibly drafted off to fight in the Russian army; you never see them again and have no way of knowing if they’re dead or alive (they’re probably dead). Poland wins-- this time. Congratulations, your town is now part of Poland. 

Does suddenly being Polish make a difference to your life? Not in the slightest. Two or three years down the line, you’ll go back to being part of Russia again. This is the third or fourth time you’ve seen your town switch hands, and you can’t say you prefer one government over the other. It doesn’t really matter who’s in charge-- you’re still faced with crippling taxes, forced drafts, and various other forms of oppression. (It doesn’t help that you happen to be part of a persecuted minority.) 

(This is why I have many ancestors who may never have left the town they were born in, and yet records show that they were born in one country, got married in another, and died in a third.) 

This is the kind of worldview through which I am looking at Yu Dao. (Obviously, it’s not an exact parallel, but neither is the standard “colonizers vs oppressed natives” lens.) 

My ancestors eventually got fed up with the treatment they were receiving from their respective governments, and left to build a new life, in a new place. But the citizens of Yu Dao don’t have anywhere to go. The only two real world powers in this story are the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom, neither of which has ever before expressed any true interest or concern in the actual people of Yu Dao. 

The Earth Kingdom didn’t really care about the city before the war-- they were just another poor, struggling town, whose citizens were barely able to make ends meet. And while the Fire Nation may have helped the place grow into a bustling town, they also established a hierarchy that did not serve in the citizens’ best interests. 

And so, in “The Promise,” these citizens’ frustrations come to a head. “Enough,” they say, “we don’t want to be used as a pawn in your games anymore.” 

And Zuko and Kuei (and Aang) actually listen. They say “we need to start thinking about these people as people, not as symbols of one side or the other. It’s time to give them a say in their future.” 

And a new country-- a new way of life-- is born. 

(Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But it is constantly evolving and changing, trying to do better, be better. And that’s more than you can say about most of the other countries in this world.)

[cicaklah]

Fic writer meme

Nicked from @alienfuckeronmain

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 83 as of touched by the feasting tendrils of the night, my first mainline oxventure fic (which no one but me cares about)

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

372k (as of 10th August 2021)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

27 though there's a couple of multitags in there. 22 without.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

look what you made me do - So I'm good at writing fast and being new to fandoms. This paid off for me. I wrote this very quickly and it includes a lot of taylor swift references, including some very oblique ones that I'm pretty proud of. Also its got a great sex scene and some good OCs and the phrase goatus interruptus.

feel you from the inside - my first viral fic! AKA when do you guys do rec? Turns out Stormtroopers have orgies like workouts and superstitions about wanking and Poor Poe Dameron. Never saw it coming. Jas Queen - the sequel to lwymmd. There's so much in this story that I really love, I think the sex scene is one of my best, its symbolic, its funny, it has songs and puppetry and crossdressing! Catch me when I'm falling for you. - again, early to the fandom, reaps the reward. The perfect girlfriend is better, but this was me on a post-ghostbusters high writing science girlfriends

vestis virum facit - this is a reverse striptease/clothing porn/cockblocking geralt for fun and kudoes fic.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Probably 99% of them. Only really don't answer ones that are "thanks for sharing" on very old stories.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Lolololol consent to be wrecked. I genuinely thought I'd write a sequel after the last Jedi came out so I purposely didn't give them a happy ending. Absolute lols. I also thought I'd be a bnf off the back of it. the amount of humble pie I ate in the aftermath of that story would give me diabetes if it was real. I needed it though, the experience.

However, if there is love at the end of everything is a twilight zone style story, it has the most "bad ending" of all my fics.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

The schmoopiest ending is definitely the rose of terok nor, I kind of almost hate it but it is the point that they have a romance novel ending. Honourable mention to go let the stars watch let them stare...the happy ending is a single line but fuck did I work so hard for it.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

I've written and published two crossovers but I don't think either are crazy really. I wrote never noticed the rain, an X men/Hannibal fusion, and a dS/bsg fusion/crossover called the poets let a generation down that I think everyone in latter-day dS fandom has to write. I wrote a lot of weird ones in my nsfw Fridays days, and I wrote two raffles/star wars crossovers interesting basically just me and one other person. Oh and I have an outline for a Hitman/Bloodborne fic I will never write even though I really, really want to.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I was the target of dsanon like everyone in latter day ds fandom, and once a peer in swtfa fandom said that one of my stories was rapey (it was not ctbw) and I'm STILL furious about it. Also back in my ff.net trigun days someone said I was "waisting my talent" and I was sad for ages.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

lolololol. I used to exclusively write slash smut, then I moved to femslash smut, now I write 75% het smut. honestly I wonder what happened to me.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Mostly femslash stories into Chinese, Russian and Thai.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I don't even have a beta. I've discussed it a couple of times but honestly it feels too much like work.

14) What's your all time favourite ship?

Raffles and Bunny, probably. Obviously 47 and Diana are my current otp, (we will always have Mendoza and the launch trailer even if we don't have the lust dlc) and I have other fandoms and I'll always love most of the pairings I've written (sit down johnlock). That said, I think only Raffles and Bunny still give me the fluttery feeling in my chest with how hard I ship them, 12 years since I first read the first pages of the ides of march and lost my mind.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Pioneer au. The last Jedi killed off everything good about star wars, but this was going to be SO iddy and SO brilliant and I'm still SO keen to write it. I might file the serial numbers off it and make it an original story...but its such a star wars story, its such a classic fic, I think it'd just feel like a fic with the names changed. plus, the twist won't work...god fucking damn it Kyle Ron. I'll never get over the loss of that fandom.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Character studies, smut, character studies through smut. Cadence and rhythm of prose. Dumb sex farces.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue, pacing, plot, OCs. They're improving though.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?   I think there's only one fic where there's another language that's a plot point, which is in blow a kiss fire a gun, which no one has ever told me was wrong, unlike every single time I try and use Latin for fic titles. I once got Latin so wrong I got so immediately called out for it I ended up using the translation in the gibberish of chapter three of consent to be wrecked.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?  Trigun. Well, technically the X files, but I never posted it. Trigun was my first fandom, I was 13, I wrote smut. It is still floating around on the internet and I'm not linking it. You're welcome.

20) What's your favourite fic you've written?

I have a list on my ao3 profile of my faves but it needs updating, but number one probably has to be even steak don't cry. Second place is the rose of terok nor...2019 was a good year for my fic writing. Shout out also to the currently unpublished final part of watch me (its coming!) which I have reread and redrafted so many times and love so much.

I'd love to read other people's, so if you want to, give it a gooooo.

[buzzyglovehorn-enthusiast]

Got tagged by @parttimereptile and @to-catfish-a-bottleman a few days ago for this ask game, thanks.

Why did you choose your URL?

I used to play french horn. At the end of every year for my high school band, usually the older kids would come up with awards for everyone involved and I believe when I was in grade nine @to-catfish-a-bottleman crowned me the buzzy glovehorn enthusiast. Because you know. To play french horn you put your hand in the buzzy horn like a glove.

Any side blogs?

Yes I have one, it started as just the blog where I'd put stuff if I was like. Sad or felt like I was posting too much here and now it's still those things but to a lesser degree, with the addition of things I'm reblogging to save and I'll actually be able to find them later because of how infrequently I post there. It's funny because I've never explicitly told anyone the URL and my mutuals keep finding it by accident and it's kind of like a game for me to see how many of you have actually found it.

How long have you been on tumblr?

Yikes I'm not sure, I think this blog has been around since like 2017 but I definitely had one before that where I made one Harry Potter post and then lurked for the rest of it's existence. No interaction with anything. That was weird and I genuinely have no idea what the URL was.

Do you have a queue tag?

Definitely not I hardly queue anything except for things with my birthday in them (tagged it's my birthday, so I guess that could count) and that one post for the ides of March. Anything else you get the pleasure of seeing them whenever I decide that I am logged the fuck on, and that's your problem <3

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Why do I do anything. Honestly I don't remember starting this blog so I don't know. It just popped into existence one day and here I am.

Why did you choose your profile picture?

I used to have plastic dinosaurs all stuck to my walls. I didn't have a pfp so I took the shittiest resolution picture known to man of one of them and bam. There's the iconic dinosaur you know and love today.

Why did you choose your header?

I went to a con with @to-catfish-a-bottleman and we saw a bunch of skeletons playing risk. Iconic. Blog worthy. I couldn't resist putting them on there and they're probably here to stay because I'm resistant to change.

What's your post with the most notes?

Not sure specifically, but some of my greatest hits include Problem Pasta, the restaurant that only played songs from the Gnomeo and Juliet (2011) soundtrack, rocks are good for holding, there's a fine line between too much outfit and not enough outfit and I'm gay so I have no idea where it is, etc. Most of the ones that get any traction tap out around 20-25 notes and I'm fine with that, considering the way that I embody the meme that's like "heartbreaking: man thought 2 or 3 note post was really more of a 5 or 6 note post".

How many mutuals do you have?

Kind of a lot, actually. I don't know what the actual number is but I. Am addicted to making friends. Thanks

How many followers do you have?

102, but it feels like every day I meet another ass bot so not actually 102. A large number of them are blocked. 9 on my other blog but 4 of those are blocked too. To everyone who can read this: thank you for not being a bot/sending me unsolicited dicks. I really appreciate it.

Have you ever made a shitpost?

Define shitpost. Most of my posts are shit posts, but in the kind of fandom sphere I've made a bunch for different books I've read and immediately forgotten that will, not often, but occasionally get notes.

How often do you use tumblr each day?

It varies. I haven't really been active lately (hey, I'm still alive!) but when I am, I do end up on here for hours at a time. Often.

Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? Did you win?

I don't think so, I don't like discourse or arguments.

How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

I hate them. If it's reblog bait it will be ignored, I promise.

Do you like tag/ask games?

I do, and fun fact about me before I moved rooms I had my bed up against the wall and I'd write the questions on it in pencil so I'd remember what I was responding to.

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Babe I don't know. If they're on my dash they're on my dash. We're all just distant acquaintances waving at each other, sometimes rapidly cycling through various disguises and telling me So Much about things I know nothing about. I don't know who half of you are anymore. That's fine.

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Yeah I'm actually pretty into @to-catfish-a-bottleman . Nobody tell my girlfriend

Thanks guys, hope you feel like we're best friends now. Feel free to say I tagged you in this if you want to do it.

[madeintimeland]

im oversharing this got long sorry. just reminscing on shit ive thought about a million times over again

theres so much art i want to create and so little motivation. i should start smoking weed again bc every time im high i get my best ideas or at least like, it takes away the layer of film over my brain that stops me from being able to come up with creative ideas, but also im scared its going to send me into mental hell again. like i need to be in a perfect state for it lest i fear im going to invoke my months long existential crisis again and i Cannot be doing that shit rn. but also i wonder if its going to be worth it anyways if i can create something to leave on this earth again. like ive been so bad at creativity lately like i want to draw and produce things and im bubbling over with energy and i feel the ideas fermenting in the deep recesses of my brain like theyre nestled into the grooves and folds but i cant access them yet. and i know i can if im stoned. i might turn into a hermit hunched over my tablet all hours of the day just making shit tbh. i absorb so much of the things around me and i know if i try to make something now its going to basically be direct copies of the things i saw but if im high im sure i can actually create something new and beautiful. im scared of being intoxicated again but i was scared to drink again too and i got drunk and proceeded to love it and want to drink every single day because surprise surprise i have alcoholism coded into my dna and consequentially have an addictive personality in general. which is why i felt like my life was useless without weed. all up until i was finally able to get my hands on a stash that would let me smoke whenever i want versus when i would get a small amount every couple of months and completely and utterly fail at ratioing it out and binge it all and then have ridiculously introspective trips where id start to go a little crazy at the end (i have a distinct memory of looking at a meme that had a woman on it and thinking ‘jesus christ... what the fuck is that’ and then spiraled into thinking about how life is pointless but i didnt have enough weed to continue with that train of thought and if i did i may have had my crisis a lot earlier, it was just inevitable) i just felt like being high was the only time i could actually get in touch with my inner self again. like i used to before the thick clouds of depression and psychosis settled in. but then i finally was able to get high for longer than short bursts of time and it all came to a head where my brain broke and i have existential terror now that i feel im going to not be able to deal with confronting again. but every time i say that it never ends up staying permanently, it comes in waves, it all comes in waves. back and forth. i feel beauty in life and then i feel fear. i feel like its all worth it and then i cant stop thinking about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the pointlessness of it all. and then i get a hug or listen to a really good song and i feel like its worth it again. i wonder if this is just a period in my life im not a total stoner or if its actually permanent. anyways point is i want to make so much stuff that my hands ache and my brain rots when i think about how many things inspire me. thats why my aesthetic tag is #inspiration, its been like that for many years now, its stuff that inspires me. but at what point am i going to turn that inspiration into reality? im bad at initiative. my initiative is going to be when i pick up the pot again because im too lethargic and procrastinatey to create the things i want any other time. but when will that be? i cant see a therapist or anything rn and working it out on my own has been mildly successful, not bad, im not spending every single day in terror like i was at this point last year. it started all going away around august after starting in march. march 30th in fact. from then on its been a constant battle with dissociation. funny because just earlier in march was some of the best experiences of my life. i think if lockdown never happened this never would have happened either but at the same time im left wondering how anybody can go through their life without wondering about the meaning of it all and coming out the other side with purpose and resolve. mine was to enjoy myself and find as much beauty and love in life as i can before i die and enhance the lives of the people around me while i can because i feel too small to do anything on a grander scale. and im fine with that, for the most part, but i still get attacked by these waves of thought where i wonder what the purpose of reality is . i always have to smack myself and remind myself no dumbass you already went over this a million times, just enjoy yousrelf while youre here. but when im high its a million times worse cuz the only time i can get my mind off it is when im replacing it with horny thoughts and thats not the only thing i wanna do when im high ofc i want to experience and create and listen to music. but i mean i havent smoked since june. i think the 15th ? i could go back and read my journals to tell exactly when it was but yeah its been almost a year now and i feel like i might have it in me again. i used to love getting high and working on shit so much. some of my best works and most  creative projects and honestly just most enjoyable periods of my life were when i was high. going back to what i was saying about early march 2020 being the best time of my life, idk what it was about me but i was just having a grand old time experiencing absolute beauty playing ark with my friends, feeling so creative and developing new ideas and experiences, and using the freedom and motivation i felt ingame to also want to explore the world irl. i seriously was close to actually finally reading my survival manual and start camping and shit and i wanted to visit my relatives in their hella secluded farmhouse in the middle of fuck nowhere kansas, cuz i did visit there during that time period and i loved it to death, i felt so free. two different relatives actually and they both had that same aesthetic about them. of course they were horribly racist but i mean, thats rural kansas for you. i just wanted to camp in their woods. its funny because that month was simultaneously the best and worst of my life. all because of weed! if i never started smoking or rather never found a reliable source at that point in my life i wonder how i wouldve turned out? id like to chalk this up to fate that im like this, maybe its for the best, maybe smoking again wont help me but maybe it will. i have a way to ease myself back into it i just need that leap of faith and  bravery like i felt when i was drinking again. its funny because i used to be such a fucking druggie and i wanted to get high all the time and then after my existential crisis that all just. stopped. i feell ike everyone i know is sick of me talking about it but it really fundamentally changed me on the inside even if it doesnt seem like it much on the outside so i feel its right of me to talk about it sometimes. it makes me feel better at least. like this is jsut a thing t hat happened, not a fated break from the universe i cant come back from yknow? i dunno. ive rambled on way too fucking long and idk if anyones gonna read this. tldr i want to draw and create so many things and i have too many ideas to deal with but i only feel ill be able to unlock my creativity and motivation if im high but due to bad past experiences im terrified to get high again. i mean ive done and made some pretty cool stuff since then but the motivation and ideas are much fewer and far between compared to the absolute deluge i get when im stoned , whether any of my ideas are actually any good or if they were just high ramblings is up to debate but i think it gave me a really good way of looking at things and i made some pretty cool stuff and i miss it a lot but i dont know if going back to it is going to be a mistake or not and im not brave enough to find out if itll hurt me again or if im ready. yyyyaaaayyyyy hahahaha ✌

[somanyjacks]

Good Day meme

I was tagged by @dafan7711 for this - thank you!! I’ll tag @wangxianbunnydoodles @dancinggrimm @emotionalmorphine @vassraptor​ aaaaand @goblin-gardens.

Have you had a good day so far today? Not bad! I mean, I only just got up? But I tidied the kitchen/living area last night so making breakfast was nice because everything was clean. And breakfast is tasty, the birds outside are singing, and it’s going to be a warm and lovely day!

What’s something you wish you could tell your younger self? I would tell myself that I’m on the autism spectrum and that I am transgender. I would not have been able to get any help or support for either of those things as a child, but at least I would have known why everything was so difficult and why I felt like a changeling. Maybe I would have been less hard on myself for struggling so much.

If you could share one song with someone for them to understand you, what would it be? Oooooh, hmmm. This is really hard. Just one song, huh. I will go with Into White, by Cat Stevens. If you had to compress my interior landscape into a song, that one fits it the best.

A song people maybe wouldn’t expect you to like but you do? This is hard too! I’m a musician, and I’m friends with a lot of musicians, so we all have pretty broad tastes. But I think people are surprised that I do like some older country music. Specifically, I love You Never Even Call Me By My Name (aka The Perfect Country Western Song) by David Allen Coe. You guys, I love this song with all my heart. It is fucking hilarious and perfect.

Do you have a picture/poster in your room? I have a painting hanging up! It’s an original by Christopher Baldwin, the cartoonist who did Spacetrawler, Bruno, Little Dee, and One Way. Through a very odd set of circumstances, he ended up renting a room in my house for about 6 months a while back. He painted this while he lived there, and I was just so in love with it! I ended up buying it from him even though I couldn’t really afford it, because I needed to keep it in my life.

What’s your favourite software? Um... do video games count?

Do you own nail polish/fave colour of nail polish? Nope. I respect men who wear nail polish. I am not one of them.

Favourite herb/spice? This is a tie between parsley and cilantro. These two cover almost every flavor profile I eat on a regular basis: English, French, Mediterranean, Scandinavian, Mexican, Thai, Indian. I almost always have some of both on hand.

Do/can you lucid dream? Yes! I don’t do it often but I taught myself about 15 years ago.

If you could relive a day of your life, would you? Yes! I would pick March 1, 2020, and I would stock up on disinfectant, hand sanitizer, pasta, and toilet paper. Not hoarding, mind you! Just enough for me. :)

Favourite historical era? Ahhh, I am not a student of history. No idea.

A common misunderstanding people have of you? I looked young before I transitioned, and now thanks to the power of testosterone, never going out in the sun, and a robust hairline, I look VERY young for my age. This makes buying alcohol an exercise in self-deprecating jokes (clerks always say something when they see my ID). Also I’m sometimes self-conscious going on dates, because there is always a risk that I look like the younger brother, nephew, or (god forbid) son.

[angelcatsiel]

I reblogged an ask game thing the other day but no one sent any asks so I just fuckin answered them all because I was bored and I am learning to not give a fuck what anyone thinks of me and it was fun

1. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself?

This is a hard one. I want to think of a funny one but my childhood wasn’t great. My dad has told me that when I was a toddler, before I can remember, he used to play AC/DC and I used to put clothes pegs in my hair for some unknown reason, stand on the sofa and violently headbang.

2. What is the stupidest way you have ever gotten hurt?

When I was about 11, I was swinging on a swing in the garden, and got curious about what would happen if I put my hands right at the very bottom of the chains while I was swinging. The answer was that I fell off backwards and hit my head. I went in to my dad crying, calmed down, and went back on the swing again. I tried to work out what exactly I had done to cause myself to fall off. I remember thinking, I think I held the chains near the bottom like this... and tested the theory, and fell off again, and hit my head again.

This is one of many stupid injuries. Other considerations were the time I climbed up a slide and hit my head on the bar at the top and knocked myself out, or the time I got kicked by a horse in a field and grabbed onto the electric fence to hold myself up.

3. What was the first PG-13 movie you watched?

Literally no idea.

4. What was the first R rated movie you watched?

I think it may have been the first Deadpool? Haven’t seen that many tbh

5. When was the moment you felt most badass?

When I was about 8, I was at the park with my brother, and this much older kid (maybe about 16 or 17, hardly a kid) with an aggressive dog stole my brother’s ice cream money. I marched up to him and demanded he give it back. He let his dog off the lead and it sniffed around my ankles and growled, and he told me it would bite me if I ran. I stood there and stared him down for a good 20 seconds or so before he called back the dog and walked away. I didn’t get the money back.

6. What is a band you can reliably always love?

Marillion. Favourite band, always.

7. What is your favorite form of self expression?

Probably singing even though I’m very bad at it.

8. What is something from your childhood you wish you still had?

My stuffed rabbit Hoppy. I haven’t been able to find him in several years. Can’t think about it too hard or I’ll cry.

9. Where is your favorite place on earth?

The Isle of Wight. My dad used to take me and my brother there for holidays every few years. It’s beautiful and full of memories, the most precious memories being the time we saved up vouchers in the newspaper to go the year after my dad left his abusive wife and ended up homeless. We were so poor but with the vouchers we could just afford to go, and it was the first time I saw my dad happy in a long time.

10. What is the longest friendship you have ever had?

My best friend @van-helsa124 who I have known since literally nursery and I love her so much.

11. Is there anyone is your life you wish you had met sooner than you did?

Maybe my friend Luce who I only met a couple of years ago, but we’ve grown close pretty quick.

12. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yep definitely. Pretty sure I was visited by my gran after she died and I’ve had a few creepy experiences.

13. What is the coldest water you have ever swam in?

No idea tbh, I don’t swim much

14. How old were you when you learned how to swim?

Maybe 8 or 9? I had lessons in primary school.

15.  What song do you listen to when you’re sad?

Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift. It’s my cry song.

16. Are you an adrenaline junky?

Yep! Love roller coasters and stuff like that, and would love to do something extreme like jump out of a plane or something.

17. What is a song that takes you back to childhood?

I have a few but the main ones are probably Man on the Moon by REM, and You Were Right by Badly Drawn Boy.

18. What is your favorite word?

Not sure I have one. For some reason the only one coming to mind is a place not too far from where my family live called Biggleswade, and I have to say it every time we drive past because I love saying it. I also love saying tiddies at every opportunity.

19. What is your least favorite word?

Don’t think I have a least favourite either, the usual infamous ones (e.g. moist) don’t really bother me.

20. What scent reminds you of childhood?

Cherryade. I drank some several years ago and the smell before I tasted it transported me immediately back to my childhood and a memory I’d completely forgotten, which was my gran constantly buying me a shit ton of cherryade every time I stayed over her house.

21. Were you sad when you found out clouds weren’t like pillows, or did you never think that?

I don’t think I was sad, I think I was just curious and interested to learn, and I tried to come up with new interesting ways of describing the feeling of clouds in my head, since even as a kid I loved to write.

22. When in life did you laugh the hardest?

A few times come to mind and they all involve @van-helsa124. A lot would make absolutely no sense, no matter how much I tried to explain. They’re now ‘friendship memes’. The only one that might be explainable is the first time we ever got drunk, to celebrate achieving ultimate friendship, after we found out that her mum had believed me and her were in a relationship for a year and a half. We even created our own drink, named the year and a half, which was literally just a mix of vodka, koppaberg, rose wine and cloudy lemonade. Tasted better than it sounds. Got me drunk in about 0.5 seconds. Ended the night hugging her trash can trying not to throw up while she read me a destiel fanfic to take my mind off feeling sick

23. What makes you laugh when you don’t feel like laughing?

Old yogscast videos.

24. Do you come from a big family?

Fairly big, lots of aunts and uncles and cousins.

25. What is your favorite part of yourself?

My positivity and the inner strength that I have, that helps me find happiness and courage even when my mental health is low.

26. What is the worst pain you have ever felt?

Trigeminal neuralgia pain (facial nerve pain). Spent 90% of January this year constantly crying and even screaming in pain. Hospital couldn’t do anything for me. I get occasional flare ups now but nothing that severe, but it’s probably going to come back. Feels like someone trying to rip out my cheekbone and jawbone or like someone is literally drilling into the bones in my face, and that’s the milder part. Every so often that pain is interrupted by stabs of sharper pain like electric shocks which have caused me to collapse to the floor screaming. 0/10 do not recommend

27. Do you swear often?

Not super often out loud but very often in my head.

28. Do you get confused for being older or younger than you are?

People always assume I’m younger than I am. I get asked for ID for everything.

29. What is your favorite way to eat a potato?

Probably roast potatoes, but they’ve gotta be done right. Soft inside, crispy outside, and obviously with herbs and spices.

30. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

Honestly no idea.

31. Describe yourself in 6 words?

Slightly unstable yet somehow happy weirdo

32. What is the worst insult you have ever received?

Can’t think of any major insults either lmao no one talks to me apparently

33. Have you ever taken in any media that changed your life?

The Good Place and Supernatural. With supernatural it wasn’t the actual show so much as the friendships it made me and the confidence and happiness the conventions gave me, at a time when my mental health was at its worst, although the show helped massively too. Idc if it’s cringey, it kept me alive. The Good Place changed my entire worldview and actually made me less afraid of death.

34. Have you ever collected anything?

My model horses! I have at least 10 at this point

35. Strangest thing you have ever broken?

As in bones or objects? Can’t think of any objects and the only time I ever broke a bone was when I broke my toe at like 12:01am on new year’s day when I got up to pour myself another drink and tripped over the table

36. Weirdest food you have ever eaten?

I’m not that adventurous with food so nothing that weird

37. Childhood nickname?

My dad would call me Flo. Not sure why.

38. Most people you have shared a bed with in a non sexual manner?

Two. Shared a bed with my best friend and my other friend Josh, once at a convention, once at Josh’s birthday. Birthday one is a bit blurry as I was drunk but at the convention I got to be in the middle and spooned Josh while my best friend spooned me and it was very cosy

39. What is something that makes you fall asleep?

The Marillion song Angelina, or this one ASMR video that’s supposed to be the sound of being in the Impala with the Winchesters. Laugh all you want, I like it.

40. Did your parents ever accidentally lose or forget you?

No but my teacher did once, can’t remember the context, I think she had to drive me and some other girls somewhere for some club event and when we got back to the school she forgot me in the car because I was so quiet lmao

41. If you were a superhero what would your weakness be?

I would be a terrible superhero and have many weaknesses. Loud noises would immediately put me out of action. Someone makes eye contact with me and I disintegrate immediately

42. What food reminds you of home?

Tuna pasta! With this one specific sauce that my mum used to make it with

43. What is your comfort food?

Probably also that tuna pasta. And chocolate. A shit ton of chocolate.

44. Cold room with lots of blankets or hot room with no blankets?

Cold room with lots of blankets, no question.

45. No shoes without socks or no shoes with socks?

No shoes without socks

46. Do you run hot your cold?

I am presuming this means ‘do you run hot or cold’ and the answer is, usually, both simultaneously. My body has no idea what temperature regulation is. Catch me out for a walk in short sleeves in the snow, sweating profusely while violently shivering bc I’m feeling extremely hot internally but my skin is freezing (and yes, I have actually done this). Do I have some sort of legit medical issue? No one knows, least of all my doctors!

47. Favorite condiment?

Probably ketchup. Though I also love garlic dip. Does that count as a condiment?

48. What utensil do you use the most?

Probably my tongs for turning chicken and stuff

49. When are you most comfortable?

Any time I’m home alone, just doing my own thing

50. If you could be really good at one thing, what would it be?

Singing! I would love to be an amazing singer but sadly I am a terrible singer though I do practice every day in the vain hope that maybe my voice will improve. If the neighbours could hear me they would have killed me by now

[aliciaestheticc]

He's different. He's mysterious. I never expected to fall for that guy. And I was stupid for watching him walk away from my life.

Well.. This is how the shitty story starts..

I was a grandmaster 2 or probably 1 around March. And that time I was so desperate to reach the epic tier, para maka level ko tropa ko. So around 2 AM, I was still up using facebook and pretty much in a good mood for I have won a battle in rank. Then sa grupo ng ML may nakita akong post na, "Sa mga gising pa diyan. Tara laro rank, GM and Epic only" nag comment agad ako na "Uyy pasali, tank, mage, mm and fighter user po ako" and I have left that post expecting for his reply and in a few seconds, he finally replied.

But it was not him... It was a random...boy..relply nya "Tara laro" I debated whether I should reply or not. He mentioned me. "Alicia ID mo" so i decided to reply and tell him my ML ID..then after seconds he sent me a friend request.. And I now that there's no way in hell I would accept a stranger but his profile picture mesmerized me...it's not his face but...it was just a picture of a cartoon boy masked with a brown paper bag and on top of it may naka lagay unloved and ugly. So I accepted his friend request. He told me that we should play together in rank and we did..for some reason magaan loob ko sa kanya...bc I assumed he has depression.

So we played...and thank god na pa epic comeback ko..kasi master palang pala siya, sumasakit ulo ko sa hero nya na si Eudora at ako pa ang nag tank. one game lang yun and pag katapos nun, he msg me na "hahha malapit na yun ah" i reply "Yeah, buti na epic comeback, tangina iiyak talaga ako pag natalo yun" and then he laughed. I logged out not saying a goodbye.

So yeah, as the days passed by...he keeps inviting me to play rank but I keep declining lying na ka party ko friends ko. I admit he's pretty much of a noob. But there were times na nag laro kami.. Classic nga lang..I was annoyed by him dahil kung saan ako dun din siya..I told him to fuck off..and he did..

days passed by again... I was on facebook..always bored and walang ka chat... Tho the memes were hilarious but...still boring..till one time a chat head popped up and it was him.

It was a dog waving at me.. And I love dogs.

We had a conversation talking about ML and music.

I was only talking to him bc I was super bored.

Till the day he asked me na kung ano type ko sa lalaki...i got a bit uncomfortable...

Pero nag reply naman ako.

Sabi ko, "Fanboy, ML gamer at magaling sa math"

Then I asked, "Ikaw?"

Then out of the blue, he fucking described my trait.

"Fan ni Ed Sheeran, masipag mag aral, magaling mag English"

I freaked out.

He asked me my relationship status.

I answered.

Then out of the blue... He said na what if siya ang mang ligaw sakin.. Sasagutin ko daw ba..

I changed the topic.

Nag usap kami ulit sa ml...pero ang Putangina nya binalik sa topic nang ligawan. I asked him his age bc i was curious, pag reply nya.. I was shock.

So I said no. I would not. I explained why and told him my reasons.

But he keep insisting me na pwede kami and he also says na mag hihintay daw siya sakin.

And I appreciated it.

We keep talking and chatting.

Had a good laugh and shared some memories.

Medyo stubborn siya, kasi dati mahilig ako mag puyat... Or more like di ako makatulog... We would chat till 7 AM... Talking about random stuff... I always insist him to sleep but he keeps declining na di daw siya matutulog pag di ako matutulog.. Gago no?

And days passed by

he stopped...and suddenly I can't stop thinking about him. Nahihiya ako mag msg sa kanya.. I'm afraid that he'll ignore me.. Kasi dati pag log in ko tas online sya agad sya mag pm sakin pero those days hindi na.. It's like he's ignoring me...

And I started to miss him. I reread our convo at dun ko lang na realize na ang sweet nya and even if I said some hurtful words he was still there talking to me..

And boom na fall sa 15 years old..

Months passed by... Magaling na sya mag ml.. Mythic na siya.. He's not sending mw invitations anymore and he stops checking my acc. But still follows me. To the point na may napansin ako na may kasabay sya na babae pag mag laro.

I was hurt.. He said na maghihintay sya..but look at him now...playing with someone and slaying.. I deeply regretted it...and I was hurt.. Very hurt...

[justselfloathingthings-blog]

for the mini fic meme - Yuu and Touko 14 :D

“Hey Touko-senpai, what are you reading?” 

Touko suddenly jerked back, her arms swinging wildly while trying to hide something behind her back; though, rather comedically Yuu thought, the rapid motions of her legs almost caused her to be knocked off the chair she was sitting in entirely, and leave her sprawled across the floor of the Student Council room.

The two were together well after student council had disbanded for the day, a habit that was becoming rather common for the two of them. Sayaka had said something about things at home she needed to take care of, and overall ended the rather strange stalemate between the three of them, as though Sayaka was engaging in some kind of strange competition with Yuu that only she understood.

Well, obviously, Yuu would be lying if she said that she didn’t understand it at least a little. Just a little, though, of course. 

However, what had caught Yuu’s attention was a tan-colored book that Nanami had been breezing through, her fingers rapidly flicking through pages, the setting sun bounding off her jet black hair. Yuu wasn’t going to pretend that it wasn’t a rather dynamic and beautiful image. Objectively speaking. 

Regardless, Touko had seemed rather absorbed in the book, which had piqued Yuu’s curiosity since something about the book’s size and coloration was tweaking something in the girl’s memory, but she wasn’t quite she what it was exactly. And she was hardly going to let this mystery go unsolved. Not dissuaded by Touko’s attempts at secrecy, she merely maneuvered herself to the back of Touko’s chair and softly snatched the book out of Touko’s hands, taking a good look at the cover. 

“Garden… of Lillies.” Yuu repeated the title softly, trying to figure out why the title rang a bell. And then it clicked. “This was the book you bought at the bookstore, wasn’t it?”

Though Touko was hardly an infrequent customer to Yuu’s family’s shop (especially recently),, she didn’t miss a bit, her back still to Yuu, but the slight quiver in her voice allowing Yuu to imagine how her face was like flushed (adorably) red. “Yes.” She said softly. She then immediately tried to grab the book back, her arms gesticulating wildly, Yuu quickly side-stepped however, glancing back at the cover for a moment, seemingly in thought. “I thought… you didn’t particularly want this in the first place.” She said thoughtfully.

“Well…” Touko’s speech began to rapidly increase in pace, though it was still possible to parse. “I mean, there’s that movie about it coming out about it, right? So I thought maybe… I could go see it, and it would be good to read the book first, to know if the story was any good…”

Yuu didn’t miss a beat. “And by ‘I’ you mean ‘we’ I assume.” She said dryly. Touko stiffened softly, though if she’d seen the soft smile on Yuu’s face, the barb would have almost certainly been taken out of her words. Honestly, it probably wouldn’t be the worst way to spend a free weekend. She then, book in hand, went and returned to her seat facing Touko, and quickly began skimming the book, her eyes flickering over the words. It seemed competently written, all told. And she couldn’t deny her curiosity at this point. “So, what’s it like?”

“Well…” Touko began, her voice picking up in enthusiasm. “You know the basic premise, right? It starts out as your typical “Boy meets girl in a small town” story, but then, roughly a third into the book, she meets a tall beauty…” 

Yuu interjects. “She wouldn’t happen to be part of the Student Council, would she?” Though her tone injected enough levity into the reply that Touko merely shook her head, a soft smile on her face. “Just a normal classmate, actually. Anyway, there is some buildup to their relationship, until she eventually has to choose between the boy and the girl she loves. She… chooses the girl, of course.” Touko’s voice nearly falters at the end (for rather obvious reasons, in Yuu’s opinion, but she knows nothing.) 

“And you want to go see the movie so you can hold my hand during the romantic bits.” Yuu essentially reiterated, softly shaking her head. “A pervert to the end, Touko-senpai.” Touko had the decently to softly blush, her eyes quickly darting away for a moment, as she made murmured denials. Yuu let out a soft sigh, then continued. “So… how far are you in it?” She asked. Touko’s blush (unfortunately) quickly subsided, and she marched on with her explanation, her voice slowly regaining some of its passion. “Well, I was near the end actually! It’s not a hard read, so I was about to get through it rather quickly. I think this is the climax of the whole work, actually.” 

For reasons Yuu herself didn’t quiet understand, she scooted slightly closer to Touko, though the other girl didn’t notice. “And?”

Touko seemed to get slightly fidgety, but softly continued. “Well, the protagonist admits to the girl she loves that she has feelings for her, but… the other girl is skeptical. I’d have to explain a lot of the book to really explain that part.” She quickly added at the end. Yuu simply nodded- it didn’t sound like a terrible read, she might check it out when she had the time. Touko then continued, her voice a little awkward. “And well, the protagonist decides to…” she full stops for a moment, and Yuu feels the need to prompt her on, while again slowly closing the gap between the two to the point that their distance could be measured in inches. Touko finally noticed their close proximity, though she didn’t back away. 

“To?” Yuu’s voice was soft now, containing some emotion she couldn’t profess to begin to understand. Touko’s voice was equally soft, if slightly off kilter. “S-So, she kisses her.” She finishes. Rather anti-climatically Yuu thought; she had to admit she missed the (precious) enthusiasm Touko had had at the beginning of her synopsis. Regardless, some sort of foreign impulse caused her to blurt out what she said next. “Do you think… how do you think that I feel about you, Touko-senpai?”

Touko seemed to be caught completely off-balance by the question, and searched for words. “I… we’re… we’re…” she couldn’t seem to find the right words; something Yuu found rather understandable. Their relationship was a constantly moving target that Yuu had found rather hard to pin down for a long time, after all. But she began to close the final gap between the two of them, quickly locking lips with Touko.

It was the first real kiss Yuu had ever really initiated with her… crush, she supposed? Maybe she could just up and admit that at this point. Given the newfound feelings of electric coursing through her as their lips locked and Touko paused for a moment, seemingly frozen in time. It took her a moment to reciprocate, though she rather enthusiastically did so. It was rather odd, Yuu mused, but despite all the rather foreign and strange feelings rushing through her, all that she could really think at the moment was ‘Saeki-senpai is going to be so mad about this when she finds out.’

After a couple minutes (though it felt so so much shorter) the two parted, both quickly gasping for breath. Yuu was the first to speak.

“I guess… there’s a word for this, isn’t there?” She said carefully. There was no question as to what Yuu was referring to.

Touko simply nodded, her smile utterly radiant, brighter than any smile Yuu had seen before. Yuu thought she could get used to seeing it, to be honest. 

(Sorry this took so long to get done, hopefully the length makes up for it! I’ll get the other two done.. tomorrow, hopefully. Tonight if I get inspired.)

(Don’t ask me where this fits chronologically, because I had no idea.)

[sailorportia]

I was very tempted to ask for all of them since they're all pretty good, but I'll be nice. All the odds for the "Ask a reader" meme? XD

Idk if this is how many answers you actually wanted, but this is how many you’re going to get xD

When did you start reading fanfiction?Depends on how truthful I’m being. Either I started reading Love Live Sunshine fics in early January and switched to LWA within a day...

Or I started reading MLP:FIM fics in 2012 or so. Most of them weren’t even that gay, so do they really count as fics? *snaps fingers and retcons my own life so the first answer is right*

When did you get your AO3/FFN account?I got my AO3 account on March 15 2018 (beware the Ides of March) and posted my first fic two days later lol

Who was the first author you subscribed to?I honestly don’t know, since time all blurs together for me. It was probably one of the big LWA authors at the time.

Why did you leave your first comment? Do you remember what it was?Bold of you to assume I remember anything. It was probably cuz the fic was cute?

Who was your first ship?The first ship I was actively invested in was Diakkos, I would say. It’s the ship that got me into fanfiction.

Which one’s better for reading fic: FFN, AO3, or tumblr? Why?I’ve only ever read fanfic on AO3, really. I literally never use FFN, and tumblr is just not great for a lot xD

What’s the best device to read on (phone, laptop, tablet…)? Why?I’ve only ever read fic on a laptop and I don’t own any other devices, so I can’t say anything about how they compare xD

Which story have you read more than any other? How many times?I think I’ve only ever reread fics because they updated and I needed to refresh myself on what happened before. I have too many fics to read (ignoring all the books I have lying around!) to reread fics

Which character is your favourite to read about? Why?I’m a slut for Diana Cavendish

Who is your OTP?Depending on the definition of OTP, I guess Diakko?Outside of LWA I’ve been reading some Heathers fics, so Chansaw would be more OTP cuz I don’t care about the other ships xDEventually I’m gonna have a Revue Starlight Relive OTP (Fumi/Ichie or Akira/Shiori, probably) so get ready for that

What trope are you tired of reading? Why?I read a few fics with homophobic stuff happening to the main characters which is a bummer and not something I want to binge on

Is there anything that makes you nope out of a story? What is it?Almost all of my nopes are the things that are tagged, so I can avoid them up front. Otherwise, a fic that’s poorly formatted or has agonizingly slow pacing will bore me into DNF-ing it.

What character that fandom loves are you just kinda “meh” about? Why?I don’t really think that applies to characters within my fandoms. In fact, I’m probably the one hyping up other people’s “meh” characters*proceeds to plaster Hannah England content all over the LWA fandom*

Who is your NOTP?I don’t really have character-based NOTPs, so much as high moral standards and narrow tastes; no icky and inappropriate ships and I only care about f.f.

What show did you really try to watch, but you just couldn’t?Steven Universe. “What if Sailor Moon was about a boy and also it was LOUD” was not a question I needed answered, as it turns out xD

When did you read your last story?According to my AO3 history, the last time I read a fic was June 21st (a Heathers fic, btw) which doesn’t sound right, but again time doesn’t make sense to me lol

Which did you log into more recently: AO3 or FFN?I’m always logged into AO3 (I literally have 6 fics open rn, Heart of Iron + Bats and Brooms are two of them) and I have never logged onto FFN

How many authors are you subscribed to?8, and you could probably guess half of them xD

Why did you leave your most recent comment? Will you share it with us?My last comment was on Chapter 3 of Bats and Brooms, and I left it because I needed to point out the parts that made me giggle:

“OMG the illustration XD "rival""So screw Zeus. But don't actually because he'll turn you and your kid into a bear." LMAO it's true"That means Coach C lost her V card in this very room." FLUKABFUK:AGBF{IUPABFU:ASBFAJK:SDBCA:KJGreat chapter UwU”

This is the verbosity one can expect of an English major, apparently

Who do you discuss fandom-related things with most often?@reynicloud usually, but it’s mostly me yelling about fics I’ll never write. @ryuucaro too, and it’s mostly “what if the girls... kissed...”

[critroledevotee]

Ok genuine answer; I think it's the only online space that has, for the most part, (with the exception of bigots and the like), rejected the idea of nihilism. August trends for a day or two because, god, haven't you seen the sun then?

The golden hour month is a holiday unto itself.

Soup! We all cherish soup! The smell of garlic frying has so many posts dedicated to it; we've all seen too many to count.

The Ides of March, Neil Bangin Out the Tunes, dumb Children's Hospital memes- the list goes on. And so much of it is just dumb stuff, it really is, but the idea that so many people, despite this being the modern origination of the 2000s terf, despite veritable violence from insular bigots and preachy conservatives, (and also prospective sugar daddies? You know what comments I'm talking about), and even staff that just pretty recently has been hostile to criticism, there's this kind of shared love for love itself, and that's why I think tumblr is actually a very different space with very different people than mosy places online, and why we all cherish it.

tumblr is special because [incorrect answers only pls]

[batslime]

taggt ( by @wesminator )

Last:

Drink- im schlurpin mtn dew rn

Phone call- my mom to make sure she knew we needed cat food

Text- showing this awful thing to @succubus

Song- ddu-du ddu-du by black pink ( that doesnt even sound the way its spelled and i had to look at it again bc of that )

Time you cried- i dont remember probably while i was watching a movie or smt

Ever:

Been depressed- b o y

Gotten drunk and thrown up- i dont go to parties because i live in the middle of nowhere and ive never been drunk i dont like alcohol enough to get to that point

In the last year have you:

Made new friends- ya

Fallen outta love- YA

Laughed until you cried- no

Found out someone was talking about you- just today my manager told me one of the part time mans texts him to say ive been “acting up” ( i said something to her she didnt get so i told her not to try so hard bc i could smell the smoke coming from her ears ) and he straight up tells her shes stupid fgvhjb

Met someone who changed you- for the worse yes lmao

Found out who your friends are- I’ve found out who my friends aren’t!

Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list- Maybe???? ive remade it so many times/ never go on i dont remember if i have any exes besides @succubus

General:

Fave color- im always a slut for pink but i also love rich greens and lavender

How many Facebook friends do you know IRL - why is a tumblr meme probably aged at like teenage-twenty year olds even asking about facebook

Any pets - rn i have three cats

Do you wanna change your name - legally ya

What did you do for your last birthday - I dont remember i was probably still at home jobless and sad

What were you doing last night at midnight - working on miniatures

What is something you can’t wait for - @succubus is coming over next month, next paycheck, to get the energy to work on all my projects again, genji nendroid

What are you listening to - i just left blackpink playing after i had to look that title up

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - idk

Something that gets on your nerves - god everything lately im like a time bomb

Most visited website - Tumblr and Youtube

Hair colour - Black/ dark brown

Hair length - i cut it asymmetrically l recently and shaved it back in march on the sides so its. all over the place

Do you have crush on someone - i have a crush on being a better and more productive and happier and richer person

What do you like about yourself - lets not start this lol

Want any piercing - not rn im too depressed to take care of my body on a regular basis

Blood type-  b+

Nicknames- 

Zodiac - capricorn

Pronouns - She/Her or They/Them is fine.

Fave TV show - I dont watch tv occasionally tho ill go into netflix and play whatevers nice to listen to while i work, like forensic files or movies im really familiar with 

Tattoos - i dont rly like the way they look i think n when i do see designs i like i like seeing them on other ppl, im too fickle for them myself. i used to do designs for ppl tho

Right or left handed - Right-handed

Ever had surgery - to have my teeth removed and tbh id be terrified and i think id really rather just die if i ever needed under-anesthetic under-the-knife surgery for multiple reasons 

Sports - no

Vacation - i like vegas, theres lots of countries id love to see but ive never been out of the states. im too poor and scared to do that rn esp alone

More general:

Eating - i love squishy foods but ive been craving crunchy stuff a lot lately too. ive been getting bowls of ice to take to my room while i work

Drinking- i drink like three things and that mtn dew, water w crystal lite, and match fraps

About to watch- i dont watch stuff much i just play whatever i can presently stand hearing while i work

Waiting to-

Get married - god no i literally just wanna live alone i dont wanna have to see people in my house while im trying to force myself to work or walking around naked i dont wanna be responsible for another person

Which is better:

Hugs or kisses - i dont like to be tocuhed

Lips or eyes - 

Shorter or taller -  

Nice arms or stomach -  these are like. really obscure selections 

Troublemaker or hesitant -  

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger - no

Drunk hard liquor - no

Lost glasses - yeah i just toss em at the end of my bed at night

Turned someone down - um i work retail and look like a teenager i can hardly fucking go in public without some random ugly ass dude thinking he can talk to me lol 

Been arrested - no

Cried when someone died - i dont think so just animals as far as i can recall, i havent lost anyone close.

Fallen for a friend - ya

Do you believe in:

Yourself - Yeh boi!

st sight - for like animals or shows or smt. if youre talking about another person. thats called attraction and calling it love is creepy and unhealthy and an obsolete concept that we need to nip in the ass tbh. i hear a disproportionate amnt of guys to girls say this and its like always someone they meet in public or whatever. im sure if i were desperate and self hating enough to humor any of the losers who try me theyd say it like five years down the line too. you dont know who tf somebody really is til youve known them for years and gone though real shit and seen how they respond. ive always found “love at first sight” creepy 

Kiss on the first date - idk

Angels - maybe

Others:

Best friend’s name - i call her a disgrace and the cause of my death but other ppl call her franky/ alexa 

Eye colour - Brown

Fave movie - 

Fave actors -

franky ive already tagged you like eight times. also im done working for the day. if you wanna be tagged reblog it and tag yourself im not doing anything else for any more people today 

[wereg0blin]

for the ask meme? all of them u thot

For ur and Cris' demand1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?Yes!!!!! 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?UhHHHHHH it is 3 years older than me but hhhhhhh probably not3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?Bicth ten mins ago4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?ALWAYS5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?If there are they can go fuck themselves right in the butthole6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?CHOKE-I dont know how but they found me - mr seen aka my eX hHHhH7. What exactly are you wearing right now?a cute ass blouse thingy some tights and christmas deer antlers on top of a Santa hat8. How often do you listen to music?every chance i get9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?jeans i guess10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?i dont even remember 201311. Are you a social or an antisocial person?both damn12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?On the cheek yes13. What about ‘R’?platonically yes14. Can you drive a stick shift?i can climb sticks???? does that count??? 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?they 100% do and i dont really care bc everyone talks shit about everyone 16. Are you going out of town soon?i dont know how to reply to this because i live in two towns17. When was the last time you cried?Wednesday i think,, i wish i could cry more often 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?i try to say it as much as i can bc i have a lot of love in my heart19. If you could change your eye color, would you?maybe a lighter blue bc gray blue isn't that pretty20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?not counting evan,,, uhh Boys ARE A BLESSING TO THIS WORLD FUXK YEAH21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.am planning to tell mh parents abt my depression but hHHHHH22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?if it has boy in it iT CUTE23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?NopE cris is like,,,, my best friend wtf24. What are you sitting on right now?b e d i t s o f t25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?FRIENS. LOVE THEM. 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?ALL THW TIME B I TCH27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?my roommates 28. Do you get a lot of colds?nop, but when i do its fuxked up29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?Switzerland 30. Does anyone hate you?yepity depity do and i hope they burn in hell fucking pieces of shits31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?it will be a cold day in hell when i drink my dudes32. Do you like watching scary movies?BITCH I L OV E MAKING FUN OF MOVIESSO SEEING SHITTY SCARY MOVIES IS A FUCKING BLESSING 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?Nah how tf am i gonna eat spicy shit then???? ¿¿¿¿34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?2015????or 2016??? i think that was the worst my depression ever was35. Did you have a dream last night?i think????? 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?right now37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?hope not???? but then again???? kinda hope i do????? probably not doe38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?yes i know at least 2 boys and i feel so sorry for them39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?probs40. Did you have a good day yesterday?mmmeh41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?oh shit i have no Fucking idea 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?y e s43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?i think???? cris must've told me at least one time and evan too so Uhhhh i guess???? ¿¿¿¿44. What’s the best part about school?i get to have unnecessary crushes45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?ppppplenty46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?yeah but he called me a slut and a whore 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?god fucking hell all the time 48. Were you single over the last summer?yep49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nope thank the whatever the fuck is out there 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?sleeping i guess51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?evan is a precious cinnamon roll fuck off 52. Are you nice to everyone?YES YES YES YES ALWAYS as i saidk i l l t h e m w i t h k i n d n e s s53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?h hh hhh fuCking tAke a wIld Gue Ss m854. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?bitch when i cheat will be the day i cut my throat 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?bad feelings? yescrushes? n0Pe56. Do you think you like someone?i think but i hope not57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?nop i do not Think so my dude 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?why THE FUCK would that matter59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?current ones?? i dont think so??? 60. Do you hate anyone?nah i just,,,, strongly dislike themexcept the fucking bitches i called friends i hopr they die in a fire 61. How’s your heart?idk i guess ok??? im always okay62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?not really pffft63. Have you ever cried over a guy?yes all the time,, boys r beautiful 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?hmmmmmmmmm idk i can think of a few people but i hope not 65. Are your toenails painted pink?I W I S H66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?bih i wish i could have my first kiss67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?if boyfriend cries i cry thats bad 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?poor poor souls that actually had this happen to them69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my sister!!! 70. How do you look right now?bored Even doe im honestly just relaxed 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?i do that with everyone bc if u don't like me u don't have tk be around me 72. Can you commit to one person?yes ofc!!!??? 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?even bby ilu74. Have you ever felt replaced?i think?? yes probs75. Did you wake up cranky?nop76. Are you a jealous person?hhhhHA YOU DONT EVEN K N O W77. Are relationships ever worth it?Theyre fun but the end of them makes me wanna die78. Anyone you’re giving up on?crushes and teachers 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?3 more years bih u better wait for meand u too eben b safe u dork80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?sssstudy h81. Last person you cried in front of?mom82. Is there someone you will never forget?yyyES83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?nope he doesn't really care about me anymore (although i dont think he ever did) 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?BICTH ID BE KISSING THAY THOT ALL OVER HER FACE AND WATCHING SAW AND VORING PIZZAEVEN DUDE HHHHELTS WATCH SAW 3 AND LAUGH AT THAT DUDE BREAKING HIS LEG AND THWN I CAN HUG YOU TILL I DIE FROM DEHYDRATION 85. Are you over your past?i ggggUess??? 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?i have no idea 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? @lady-misfortune @space-ace-sneevee @thelilshadowchild88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?what has been has been but i guess idk yet bc ive had like 1 bf for now 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?never kissed 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?i guess???????? 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?i sure as hell have no idea92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?Michael Jackson and I are best buddies bItch93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?noPe94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?i was in a relationship with my laptop and i didnt leave him from 7pm to 6am 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?he a dicky 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?bicth fucjing prettiest people youll find97. Who do you have texts from?crissy gorl that im too lazy to reply to98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?happened to me and i said "glad u told me earlier i dont want u being with me if u r uncomfy" it did hurt like a fucking bitch doe99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?bitch never kissed 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?me, myself and i101. Ever kissed under fireworks?NEVER KISSED FFS102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?IN a jar nicely packed and handed to me? no but stomach butterflies so bad i wanted to throw up? yes

[dykedykegooses]

tagged by: the lovely @grabsthesun

1. nicknames: none really, except for when people mess up my name. basically the count is now: mason, katlyn, kaleighla, pam, paige, p8on, etc. but most people i know just shorten my name to peyt or call me amy, depending on when they knew me.

2. gender: female

3. star sign: pisces

4. height: 5′8.5″

5. time: 9:41 PM

6. birthday: march 9

7. favourite bands: green day, FUN., weezer, bleachers, awolnation, all-american rejects, set it off, lewis del mar, oh wonder, PUP, bastille

8. favourite solo artists: declan mckenna, nate ruess, hayley kiyoko, mary lambert

9. song stuck in my head: "Goodbye” by bleachers

10. last movie i watched: the imitation game for the 4th time

11. last show i watched: the great british baking show

12. when did i create this blog: “Sat, 06 Jul 2013 22:47:07 -0400 about 4 years ago”

13. what do i post: gay shit

14. last thing i googled: hannah i hate you but did you actually end up sending that to me?? but also i googled ‘rotellis pizza special’

15. do i have any other blogs: dO i HaVe AnY sIdEbLoGs yes

16. do i get asks: not normally, unless i reblog a gay ask meme

17. why i chose my url: i saw a picture that had graffiti saying “long live the lesbians!” and i wanted that to be my url but it was taken so i took the ‘e’ out of ‘the’

18. following: 228

19. followers: 680. not a bad ratio if u ask me lol

21. average hours of sleep: honestly i guess my body has had enough of my shit and decided that we ONLY want 7 hours of sleep, 8 at the MAX so no matter when i go to sleep i will wake up in like exactly 7 hours almost to the minute its garbage

22. lucky numbers: i dont really have any

23. instruments: i never learned to play an instrument because i never went to public middle or high school lol.

24. what am i wearing: blue skinny jeans, teal shirt, grey sweatshirt, and one black sock and one white sock.

26. dream job: social comparative psychological researcher and/or professor

27. dream trip: hhhhhhhhh id love to go to spain literally just travel around spain for a solid like month sounds pretty fuckin SWEET

28. favourite food: pizza or alfredo

29. nationality: american

30. favourite songs: in no particular order - “horseshoes and hand grenades”, “east jesus nowhere”, “know your enemy”, “church on sunday”, “blood, sex, and booze”, “kill the DJ”, “loss of control”, “let yourself go”, “nightlife”, “ordinary world”, “give me novacaine”, “whatsername”, “too much too soon”, “longview”, “coming clean”, “king for a day”, “still breathing”, “desensitized”, “you lied”, and “on the wagon” (all by green day), “masterpiece” by lewis del mar, the entire “gone now” album by bleachers, “make me your queen”, “i am everyone else”, “bethlehem”, and “why do you feel so down” (all by declan mckenna), “dvp” and “sleep in the heat” by PUP, “grand romantic”, “harsh light”, “you light my fire”, "moment”, and “great big storm” (all by nate ruess) i could literally go on and on theres just so much music i like

tagging: @newtsdaisies, @alecisnotstraight, @uhuit and whoever else wants to do this bc i cant think of anyone off the top of my head lol