#but this is the first time I’ve gotten out of bed since Tuesday and I feel so much better

[positivelyghastly]

I finally got the drop pearls I ordered and I’ve been making matching earrings for my papa rosaries hehehehe I already made a pair for Copia’s that I’ll post later but they’re HUGE because I used the same gold cross pendants I put on Terzo’s rosary but I wanted a smaller pair with the drop pearls too :) :)

[st7rnioioss]

౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆ arguments with bf!matt headcanons pt. 2

matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: fluff, idk??😫 some are kiiind of suggestive, sorry i cant help it

a/n: hello hello, long awaited part 2😛 enjoy😇 i fell asleep btw HELP i’m so sorry i took so long

part 1

౨ৎ

- Wanting to sleep on the couch because you got into an argument? Not happening. Matt is picking you up when he’s sure you’re asleep, gently placing you in your shared bed, pulling you closer (angry cuddles - pt. 1). Even tho you’re still upset with each other, he’s not going to bed without you beside him.

- (suggestive!!) Matt noticed you had gotten jealous because he posted a picture with a past girlfriend. He’d laugh it off at first, laughing at your stern face, pulling you in to kiss you. He quickly made sure to show you how much he loves you. (as in spending the whole night in his room, making sure when you wake up tomorrow you’re sure he’s the only girl he could ever want).

- I can never imagine Matt fighting for real with his girlfriend. I feel like both of you would realise it was built up stress or tiredness and had nothing to do with each other. After yelling for a bit he’d pull you in for a hug, whispering ‘sorry’.

- (suggestive!!) If he’s cocky enough he’d have make-up sex with you. Soft, slow sex, whispering countless times how sorry he is and how much he loves you. He wouldn’t do this all the time as he prefers to talk it out. Getting to understand exactly what you’re feeling and why, and the other way around.

- Taking you on late night drives!! He’d pull you into the passenger seat even tho you protested, driving around town, maybe getting food, talking it out like this. You didn’t protest though, deep down this is one of your favourite ways to spend time with Matt.

- One time you had gotten so upset you left his house to go to your own, even tho you practically lived with the triplets. Friday rolled around, and Thursday night there was no car video recorded yet. Saturday morning you checked your phone, realising they hadn’t posted their Friday video. You got concerned, going to their house to find Nick and Chris in the living room.

‘Is everything alright? I noticed you guys didn’t post anything yesterday.’ you asked as you sat beside Nick, Chris looking up from his phone.

‘Yeah, Matt is fucking miserable. I don’t know, he said you guys got into an argument this Tuesday. He haven’t left bed.’ Chris mumbled, looking back down on his phone.

Immediately you sat up, finding Matt huddled up in his bed. There was dark, the curtains still shut, no light from his phone. You tiptoed closer, realising he was asleep. He looked peaceful, but you couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Your clothes was in Matt’s closet, taking a hoodie and a pair of pyjamas pants to cuddle up against Matt’s back. He must’ve waken up, because he mumbled a low ‘is it you? y/n?’, turning his head.

‘Yeah, it’s me. I’m so so sorry, Matt.’ you smiled apologetically, caressing his cheek with your thumb. His expression softened, leaning in to kiss your lips.

‘God, I’ve missed that.’ he whispered, a smile tugging on his lips before he leaning in again.

- After having an episode like this (literally one time), he’d take you out the next day. You insisted it should be the other way around since you had been in the wrong, but Matt insisted on taking you (in reality he just wanted to be ��friends again’).

- I CANT STOP MAKING SCENARIOS, BUT FOLLOW ALONG.

‘Matt, you’re annoying. Go away.’ I hissed, pushing Matt away from attempting to kiss me with a hand on his chest. I was keeping my gaze on my phone in front of me. I had moved to the couch after our tiny discussion.

‘Oh, come on. Are you still mad?’ Matt smirked, kind of amused by your reaction. It seemed like nothing to him, but you were pretending to be pissed.

‘You’re not funny. Move, I can’t see my phone.’ I pushed his head away. Matt stood up, looking at me for a second before returning to his room.

After a tiny hour, I felt my eyes getting droopy. It was scrolling mindlessly, my eyes half closed. I decided to stand up as my head was literally tilting to the side.

Almost falling over my own feet, I stumbled into Matt’s room, dropping to my knees onto his bed. ‘Someone changed their mind, hm?’ Matt teased, looking up from his phone.

‘Shut up.’ I mumbled, closing my eyes as my head hit his chest, cuddling up in his covers. I almost instantly fell asleep, the last thing I noticed being Matt turning off the light, pulling me closer with a kiss on the top of my head.

- If Matt had to leave early the next day after an argument, I’m so convinced he’d leave a small note or letter along with a flower (or two) on the kitchen counter

a/n: if you couldn’t tell, i was running out of ideas🤩

taglist: @chrissgirlsstuff @leah-loves-lilies @toriinie @cupidzsq @lacysturniolo @iluvmattyb @ratatioulle @emma4eva @riasturns @sstvrnioloo @sweetbabydoe @elliewrites1 @its-jennarose @abbypost let me know if you'd like to be added!

[starsstuddedsky]

Doyoung as your brother's best friend...

(wc: 1.7k, non idol au, mentions of food, alcohol, reader has a mother/family, i really dont know what this is)

who you were always fond of because he was way nicer to you than your brother ever was growing up (a pretty low bar, but a win is a win)

he graduates before you and you see him only a couple times a year when your brother would hang out with him, which fizzles out and suddenly you realize you haven’t seen him in five years 

you finish college and get a great job offer except it’s a city five hundred miles away from home and you don’t know anyone, until your mother mentions Doyoung moved there a year or so ago and says something like you should reach out

to which you think no thank you but you politely say you’ll see what he’s up to 

and you don’t give it a second thought, you meet a few friendly people at work and try to call your old friends as much as you can but loneliness has a way of seeping into the empty corners of your room and the quietness of 9:56pm on a Tuesday 

so you figure a hinge date or two isn’t the worst idea

hey, guess what’s the worst idea? 

the first man you decide to go on a date with spends the first hour bragging about his job and how he’ll be able to retire by the time he’s 35 and simply does not stop talking about himself

you’re sure you’ve given help me eyes to every person that’s walked past but no one takes pity on you, until you’re looking into a familiar pair of eyes 

Doyoung doesn’t hesitate to stride up to you, saying “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, why haven’t you been looking at your phone?” and “The doctor’s say he won’t make it much longer!” 

it isn’t difficult to follow him out of the café and listen to him throw out fake medical terms until you’re around the corner 

he slows after that and you realize he’s gotten even taller and let his hair grow out a little

before you can tease him about the hair, he asks if you’re busy and when you say no, he drags you to the coin laundry to watch his clothes spin around 

sitting on the plastic chairs and sipping paper cups from the water dispenser, you trade stories, amazed at the Doyoung from your memory and the Doyoung that sits in front of you

he’s changed so much (he spends his free time painting and going to art museums) and not at all (still ducks his head when he’s feeling shy and smiles with his eyes just as much as his lips) 

you try to pretend like you aren’t stealing looks at him. he isn’t nearly as successful.

you walk to his apartment, only a couple blocks away and it’s gotten so late that he insists you spend the night, saying that your mom would kill him if he let you walk alone this late and to just take the couch 

to which you protest, because, honestly, what would his mother say not offering the bed? and he just rolls his eyes and gives you his best pillow 

except he must have really never slept on the couch because it’s actually so uncomfortable that you can’t sleep. when Doyoung gets up for a middle-of-the-night bathroom break, he finds you watching a crime show

despite making fun of you for it, he sits beside you and it’s actually way more comfortable when you’re using his shoulder as a pillow and then it’s suddenly morning and you wake up fully in his arms, meeting his smug smile

he does not waste time making fun of you, saying “what was that about the couch being uncomfortable?” and “are you sure you didn’t just want to sleep with me?” and pretending he wasn’t just as flustered

even though it’s daylight, he still walks you home and you find you don’t mind it at all. in front of your door, neither of you can figure out how to say you want to keep seeing each other, especially since you aren’t sure if it’s in a flirty context or not and what any of that would entail

finally you tell him your apartment has laundry, if he doesn’t want to pay for it and he says somehow he thinks you’re going to cost way more than a laundromat but he’s smiling 

Doyoung slowly becomes a fixture in your life and even when you truly befriend your coworkers and become particularly close with one of the baristas in the coffee shop next to your apartment, he’s always the first person you think of–when you get a commendation at work, when you have another fight with That One Coworker, when you stub your toe. and he tells you about his constant fight with the owner of a dog on his floor that thinks it’s okay to let their dog pee on Doyoung’s doormat, and you hear all about his friends before you finally meet them 

there are countless “almost” moments–telling him about this guy at work who flirts with you more blatantly than Doyoung himself and when you pause after saying you told him you have someone, he doesn’t say anything so you just say it was a lie to get the guy off your back; holding your hand on your birthday (after cooking a five course meal for you) but letting go before you even reach your apartment; staying over at his apartment again and refusing to sleep on the bed but he builds a wall of pillows between you “so you don’t feel uncomfortable”; waiting for the bus after drinking with his friends under a flickering streetlight where you think for sure he’s going to kiss you but he ducks away before you can let the fantasy dip into reality 

you know you have to talk to him about it directly (especially since all of your friends say that he’s as in love with you as you are with him) but every time you try to do it you freeze up and you can’t get the words out 

but when the holidays come around, you go to visit family with him and realize Just How Much you’ve changed around him

you’ve completely forgotten how to be normal around him, how to look at him without hearts in your eyes, but you’ll die if your family asks you what’s going on and you don’t have an answer, so you steel yourself up for a Doyoung-less Christmas 

it goes really well until Day 2 when your mother announces Doyoung and his family will be coming over for dinner. to make matters worse, your brother finally shows up and it becomes very clear 1) he and Doyoung still talk all the time and 2) Doyoung has not mentioned how close he’s become with you 

you try your very best to pull stories out of everyone else, since you can’t seem to mention anything about your life that doesn't include Doyoung, which apparently is true for him, you discover as he tries his best to tell the story about the time he wound up halfway across the city with a dead phone and no way to get back without telling them you were right there with him (ultimately failing since you were the one who ran into a friend who let you into their apartment to charge your phones) 

after dinner your brother and Doyoung disappear and maybe you’re being paranoid but you swear everyone is looking at you

so you go ahead and vanish into your childhood room, thinking about anything except your brother’s best friend who’s become your… (damn you really thought you’d have a word for him that time) 

an hour or so later, your brother knocks at the door and asks to come in (already scary since he’s always just busts in and purposefully leaves the door wide open). he sits down and says he doesn’t care what happens between you and Doyoung but not to hide anything on his account and you’re like okay well there’s nothing to hide and he’s like if my dumbass can pick up on the vibes, there’s something to hide so go figure it out and you’re like wait what did Doyoung say and he rolls his eyes and mutters something like “I am not doing this” and tells you Doyoung is waiting for you outside 

you did not sprint down the steps, no matter what anyone says. it was a controlled pace, one foot per step, hand gripping the railing to keep you upright 

Doyoung waits for you like your brother said, sitting on the porch swing wearing his winter jacket with his hands stuffed into the pockets, and he perks up when you come out the door 

you sit beside him, trying not to lean into him and letting the cold air warm from the tension between you. there’s a couple heartbeats of silence, your breath hanging in the air in front of you before you manage to get the words out. 

“i like you” 

silly words, immature words, not the right words for how you feel, but you can’t quite figure out what those might be. 

“it’s like mixing paint,” he says and you think maybe there really aren’t any right words, but he keeps going. “at first you think ‘wow i used way too much blue and this will never look right’ but you keep mixing it together and even though it isn’t the color you wanted it to be, you’ve found a whole new color and it changes the painting completely but it makes it so much better.” he pauses before admitting, “maybe it isn’t the perfect analogy. my point is, i wasn’t expecting you at all, but you make my life so much better.” and another couple seconds for him to remember he’s got something else to say. “oh, and i like you, too. if it wasn’t obvious."

it’s stupidly like a movie when the snow starts to fall, but you’ve been waiting far too long to kiss him, so you won’t let the feeling that this is a bad hallmark movie stop you

what does stop you is hearing half your family cheering through the window when you scoot closer to him 

(your first kiss happens a couple days later on a secluded hike in the woods) 

(a few years later at the wedding, one of your cousins pulls up footage that can only be described as stalker-like) 

and you never sleep on his crappy couch again (though you do stay over, even when it isn’t late), and he keeps doing laundry in your apartment until his lease is finally up and he moves into a bigger apartment that just so happens to have enough space for you

(oh, and it has in-unit laundry too) 

a/n: i swear i have been writing i just haven't been finishing but i got 2/3 of sending this to bestie before i realized this is a writing format so yeah. idk this is very much my delusional stream of consciousness but tell me im wrong. go ahead. tell me.

[rationalcashew]

My foster dog and her puppies are at their new home and they are THRIVING! They left on Friday after spending the week getting to know my best friend and her husband (they came over every day while they were in town to spend time with her). It was an amazing thing to watch.

The first day, Monday, it was like me just having friends over. The second day, though, that’s when the shift happened. My friends brought their daughter (just under two years old) and Mabel seemed to take it as them showing her their baby and she showed them her puppies. It was so sweet. So, so sweet, you guys. After that they left on Tuesday, she stopped wanting to sleep in my bed with me, she kept taking me to the front door (as though if I opened it, they’d walk through it) or my car. It was like she CLAIMED them that day. She met their six year old son on Wednesday and fell absolutely in love with him.

On Friday, when it was time to leave, she excitedly went to their vehicle and tried to get in it immediately (it was a little too high for her).

My friend has been sending me pictures and videos every day. Mable has gotten very protective of them and absolutely loves being there. You can just see it in her eyes, the way she looks at them, and how relaxed and comfortable she is and it hasn’t even been a week.

This is, by far, the most beautiful rescue story I have and I’m so grateful to be part of it. When she got to me, she was way underweight, pregnant (which I didn’t know), infested with fleas and ticks (seriously, I’d never seen anything like it before and I’ve been doing rescue since I was a kid), and she had worms (which didn’t show up until she got healthy enough to start expelling them about a week later). She’d been seriously neglected (although, thankfully, there were no signs of abuse). I worked hard to get her healthy and make her feel comfortable and safe.

The vet said that had I not done exactly what I did, the babies definitely wouldn’t have made it and she probably wouldn’t have, either.

My best friend and her husband adopted her before I had any information on her beyond her breed. I didn’t even have a picture, but they just knew she was theirs and couldn’t explain it. I knew they’d absolutely adore her and treat her well so I was okay with them taking her (I’m VERY picky about this).

Today, she is thriving in her forever home and I am beyond grateful for how this all turned out.

[daydream-cement]

Cold Dead Heart Ch. 8

Marilyn Thornhill x OC (Rowan Ali)

Authors Note: OOF

Larissa paused, trying to find her sentence before she began again, “Fern. I really like you. I wanted to see if you…” She took a deep breath, “I wanted to ask if you would want to make our relationship exclusive. Would you want to-“

Fern watched her flounder for the correct words. A sympathetic smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. Slowly she approached Larissa, taking her hands, “Yes, Larissa. I’ll be your girlfriend.”

Neither the shapeshifter or the plant manipulator saw the jealous redhead lurking in the darkness of the foliage of the conservatory. 

—

You had been distant with everyone after receiving the letter from Marilyn. It had been three weeks since she broke your heart and a week since she stopped calling on Tuesdays and Thursdays. You completed your classes, did your work, and went straight back to your room, knowing if Fern asked just the right questions, you would fall to pieces. Occasionally you would send a text to Fern, checking in on her now exclusive relationship with Larissa so she wouldn’t become suspicious. 

While you were heartbroken about Marilyn still being in love with Larissa, you refused to cry over a normie. You were starving and it had been far too long since you had eaten, but the heartache you felt made any blood unappetizing.You wrapped yourself in the red silk sheets of your bed and stared at a stack of unread letters from Marilyn. Should you read them? Should you burn them? 

A gentle rapping on your front door caused you to groan in annoyance, pulling the covers over your head. You hoped whoever it was would go away if you simply ignored them, but the knocking persisted. Heat rose up through your body in the form of rage. You tore the sheets from your body, storming to the front door and ripping it open, “WHAT?”

A chill ran down your spine. 

Marilyn.

You stared at one another for a long while. Were you dreaming? 

“You haven’t answered my calls or my letters.” She pushed past you, entering your quarters without asking. Wonderful, now you were harboring a fugitive as there was no way she had gotten off on good behavior. She was dressed in jeans and a dark sweatshirt, her red hair pulled back into a ponytail and covered by thesweatshirt’s hood. 

“I’ve been busy.” You glance out into the hallway, hoping she hadn’t been seen. Quickly, you shut your front door and turn the lock over before turning back to Marilyn who was stalking towards you. Her hands were on you in a flash, fingers gripping the fabric of your nightgown. 

You shock yourself when you put a hand between the two of you, keeping her from coming any closer. As you gaze down into her eyes, you are met with her look of confusion and disappointment, “Wh-what’s wrong, Rowan?”

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” You repeat her question back to her, unable to hide your undeniable rage for this woman. For months, you have been falling in love with this woman, then she betrays you, somehow earns your trust and adoration back, breaks your heart once again, and now she is here in your apartment. Your hunger and rage began mixing together creating an insatiable urge to kill Marilyn, “You are lucky I don’t rip your throat out.”

“Excuse me?” Marilyn took one step backwards, but you were already on top of her, your hands reaching out to grip her throat. For the first time in your life, you truly understood what it meant to see red. Her beautiful brown eyes were filled with fear. It almost made you wonder what the rush of cortisol and adrenaline made her blood taste like. You felt the most primal urges towards her and you were struggling to decide if you wanted to kill her.

“Rowan, please. No. Rowan. Rowan!” Marilyn’s hands were grasping at yours which was tightening, enjoying the feeling of her struggling to breathe. Pushing her backwards, you force her back into your bedroom. She was no match for your strength or speed. You force her down to the bed, your legs straddling her torso. Marilyn tries fighting against you but you catch her hands on your own, pinning them to the bed, “ROWAN! Why are you doing this? Please, no! NO!”

You gather both of her hands in your left, pinning them above her head, “I’m going to drain you of every last drop…”

Marilyn attempted to wriggle free of your grasp, but you were far stronger and determined in killing her. You gaze down into her face, feeling a twisted form of satisfaction at her pain and fear in this moment. Maybe she could begin to feel some part of the agony that she caused you to endure. You push against her jaw, opening her neck to you. You couldn’t deny that you enjoyed her begging for mercy, “Please, Rowan! Don’t kill me.. Please, I thought we were friends!”

You dip down, pressing a kiss to her neck. Pulling away for a fraction of a second, you are reminded of all the times you have been in a similar position with different intentions. You decide to take your time by swiping your tongue up her neck to relish in the emotional distress you were causing her. God, you had forgotten how delectable her skin tasted and you knew deep down that the blood underneath would be even sweeter. The taste of her skin made you waver in whether or not you would want to kill her. Could you really let something this divine go to waste just for one meal?

Perhaps you could just have a taste. If you stopped yourself, you could just let her go afterwards and she could walk free, never to return again. The only way she could transition into a vampire is if you allowed her to drink from you in return. You questioned your ability to control yourself, but when Marilyn groaned beneath you, you were unable to control yourself from sinking your fangs into her neck. 

From the moment the first drop of blood hit your tongue, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself. You wanted to gorge on her blood until you could consume no more. 

It was the sweetest blood you had tasted in all your life. The rage began to dissipate, leaving behind the desire you always had for Marilyn causing your grip loosened on her face and hands. Marilyn took immediate advantage of this and pressed her hands to your cheeks, making one final plea for her life, “Rowan. I love you, p-please…”

—

After her admitting her love, you immediately tried distancing yourself from her in any way possible. You sent her from your room, closed the door after her, and immediately headed to the shower where you could douse your body in cold water. The taste of her lingered in your mouth. If she hadn’t stopped you, then you would have surely killed her. 

Her words lingered in your mind as the icy water hit your face. Could she have meant it? Earlier she said you were friends, so perhaps it was a friendly form of love and this wasn’t the type of love you were seeking from her. Pressing your hands against the shower wall, you let the water fall over your head, trying to push down all the anger and bitter sadness you felt from her presence. 

When you emerged from the shower, you wrapped your hair in a towel and chose to layer yourself in clothes, not wanting to risk the temptation of any contact with her skin against yours if she is still in your apartment. Upon leaving your bedroom, Marilyn is sitting in the center of your sofa, her eyes focused on the coffee table centerpiece as she stared off into space. You couldn’t believe that she was still there after you attempted to kill her. 

Marilyn looked paler than normal and she seemed to sway back and forth ever so slightly. The blood loss was probably significant. Instead of speaking to her, you move to the kitchen, filling a glass with water and pulling a granola bar from a small stash of snacks you kept for Fern. You set both before her, “You should eat and drink something. It will help.”

Marilyn glanced up at your warily before reaching out to take the glass of water, her hands shaking as she raised it to her lips. You felt disgusted as a small pang of guilt throbbed in your chest. You refused to apologize, however. After everything she had done to you and Nevermore, she truly deserves much more pain than what you had put her through. You stared down at her, folding your arms over your chest, “You can’t stay here. Why are you even here in the first place?”

Marilyn looked up at you with sleepy eyes, “I needed to… I needed out…”

“You are in jail for a reason. You tried murdering my students. You are unwell and need to go back to a place where you can work through your issues.” You glared down at her, not wanting her to see any vulnerability from you. She would most likely try to wield it against you. 

“Rowan…” Her voice was soft, pleading with you. You hated the control she had over you. Desperately, you wanted to sit down on the couch with her, pull her into your embrace, and hold her until she fell asleep. It’s too bad you lacked self control. You circled the coffee table and sat next to her, causing her to immediately lean into you. 

How could she want to be near you right now? You had just attempted to kill her. 

Was it because she truly loved you? Was it because she was continuously trying to manipulate you to achieve her own selfish agenda? 

The more her body weight fell into you, the more you took her body into your arms. You laid back on the couch, Marilyn resting on your chest as she was overwhelmed by the need for sleep. The sensation of her body pressed down against you was incredibly soothing for you. This certainly was a dramatic change from a half hour ago when you had her pressed to the bed, ready to watch the life drain from her eyes. 

You could feel the rise and fall of her chest and the smell of her hair made your eyes flutter shut. Everything about her made you feel incredibly at home. 

It was too bad that when you awoke the next morning, your arms were left empty. Instead a note was left behind on the coffee table that read, I should be home later tonight. I have work to do. -M 

The part that stung the most was the little heart she drew by her first initial.

[gotham-adrenaline]

Sent in a request already so this is just me saying—hope you’re having a great Monday! Or Tuesday, depending on the time zone. I also hope you get some really baller requests that are super fun to write

Ahhhh thank you!!! I’m in EST so it’s about 2am on Tuesday, but that also means it’s the perfect time to do a quick update on what I’m working on-

First of all, thanks to everyone for the support and the awesome requests! You guys have so many cool ideas???

Speaking of requests, I’m currently actively writing one for Jason Todd x male! reader which should be out soon (bullet point style with some prose thrown in) but I’m brainstorming for the others I’ve gotten as well since I’m pretty scatterbrained 24/7-

I’m also writing a fic for Jason x nymph! reader which will likely take a bit longer cause I’m back on my bullshit and writing hurt/comfort like it’s an addiction.

I do also keep track of all the requests I get plus any ideas I have on a document so I can see what I have to do and add as I go, but I mostly follow the sweet, sweet serotonin and end up switching what I’m writing fairly often, especially if it’s a longer work. Eventually I may start doing polls to ask what works you guys want most, especially if I do longer fics.

Now, imma head to bed since I have work in a few hours, but thanks again guys!!!

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, APRIL 23, 1991 It’s so hard to believe I’ve only been here for 23 days. It seems like so much longer.

Kim and I have continued to have great times together. Can you believe she bought me $75 roller skates?! They’re so nice too. They’re the boot kind and they’re indoor skates rather than my old outdoor sneaker skates. The boots are white with neon pink wheels. Since I got my schedule pretty much normal, I’m gonna go roller skating this Thursday night.

Next, she’s talking about a new spring jacket. You know me, I never ask and she won’t take no for an answer, but it feels weird. Only my parents would buy me stuff like that. But then again, Brenda bought stuff here and there till she came into money problems and I helped her out. I was more than happy to return the favor, but not for crack.

Kim may have gotten a job at the doctor’s office where I went to follow up on my asthma. He gave me a new inhaler and in between that and the clean fresh air, my breathing better. Also, my skin looks and feels better and my hair is growing faster and my hair always grew like a weed to begin with.

This Earth Day thing has hundreds of people spending many hours cleaning up the Mill River. They wait till I leave to do it.

I spoke with Jenny who called earlier and we had a nice chat. Bill hasn’t called back yet but I’ve spoken with Hank and Nervous and have yet to speak with Jessie, Steve or Brenda. I’m not sure that I will but I’ve got to contact Jessie to arrange for her to either bring the bathing suits she borrowed up here or mail them. I don’t know yet when Tammy’s coming up yet or when Mom and Dad are.

Oh, almost forgot, I spoke with Andy yesterday and I played him new edits.

I do have more to write about but I’m in one of my phases where I’m not in the mood to write so, I’ll continue updating later.

THURSDAY, APRIL 11, 1991 I had a really good talk with Kim last night and she bought me something that cost between $20-$40 and has 20 or 30 pieces and also 5-6 colors but insists it’s a surprise. She says I’ll love it and that she can’t wait till I see it. She also said it was something I mentioned once or twice when we first met. She kept giving me all these weird clues and even drew part of it from two different angles. I still have no idea what the heck it is, but I guess it’s music-related.

Tammy also called to tell me she may be here the weekend after next but she’ll soon let me know for sure. Lisa still has strep throat and I spoke with her, too, briefly. Tammy also said that a cat she’s been feeding had two kittens under Lisa’s bed. She may give them to me, but I have to wait 6 more weeks before they’re done nursing. I also told Tammy how Kim feels about Mark and how she feels about me.

TUESDAY, APRIL 9, 1991 Kim came over and we chatted for a while. This week she’s gonna take me to get the discount form for the heat/AC bill. Also, I’ll go to SS and welfare about my food stamps. I don’t need to sign up for next winter’s fuel assistance program till this July or August. I will not transfer banks till my book of checks run out and I’m now on my last book. The other thing I’ve got to do is get a new address label for my license. Thank God I don’t need to renew it till ‘93 or ‘94. All I have to do is get this little sticker you stick on the back of it. I remember that when I moved to Oswego St. Of course, moving back to Woodside Terrace, all I needed to do was peel the sticker off.

I watched a little TV earlier with Mark and when Kim was here I played her the slurred edits. Of course, she was amused. I mean, they are so funny. I’ll never get sick of any of my edits although I need to start doing more which I’ve got to send to Andy along with other stuff. Old stuff that he never got that got edited right after he got the tapes I made for him and that was quite long ago. I think the last thing Andy got was Donna A so I’ll pick up from there if that’s where I left off.

I’ll write more about my hair and weight later. I may verbalize it a lot but haven’t written about it in a long time.

MONDAY, APRIL 8, 1991 Damn, am I bored! I wish Kim were here more often. I guess I’d still much rather be bored here than in Crack Alley. I am, however, going out Wednesday and Thursday nights.

Shadow didn’t go roof climbing today but he sure did once again yesterday. I made the perfect leash for him too, or so I thought. I took an old necklace that wasn’t too tight, nor was it loose enough for him to slip it off over his head. Then I tied a long ribbon securely to the necklace but he managed to snap the necklace in half. I’ve got to get a real leash.

Other than that I did nothing spectacular today other than walk to the store to buy smokes and watch A Current Affair.

There is something me and Kim are working on. The same fun project as what we did with that Dr. Statz. You know, snooping. Of course, as I mentioned before, the doc is gay. Or bi, I should say, but is married to some rich lawyer. Well, it’s this cop and you know I’ve always had a thing for them. I don’t know her name, therefore I’ve given her the name Jamie. Like I said long ago, every now and then I’m attracted to one where you can tell. Remember? It’s once in a million years with a feminine one and once in a billion years with a half-butchy one. Never a diesel butch. Well, maybe I should keep that last line and change the rest. Every 15 years with a feminine one and every 50 years with a half and half. You can tell but she’s pretty at the same time and Kim agrees.

Kim tried snooping around yesterday but couldn’t get her alone. She did hear Jamie say how much she hates Springfield and when she has kids, she’s not raising them in Springfield. Kim then asked her if she was married and Jamie said no and then quickly changed the subject.

Kim is like me. We both know things instantly about all kinds of people. Things that most people never know unless they’re told or find out somehow someway. My gut feeling is that she’s spoken for. She’s a cop. Not that God would allow me to have her anyway and if he did I’d dump her real soon of course. Or, of course, she’d dump me if I didn’t dump her. Anyway, it all comes down to what I said before about snooping and playing detective. It’s fun and the chase is always better than the capture. I like to be wondering and guessing even though I know I’ll never have her.

Oh. I never mentioned how I ran into her, but it was by asking for a light at the ER while waiting for Brenda to pick me up. I also think I may have seen her a little over a year or so ago late at night when Andy and I were out. Another thing is, and God I hope to hell I’m wrong, but I think that when I was dragged into jail for calling that pig, she might have seen me there.

I’ll keep writing about what happens (nothing).

SATURDAY, APRIL 6, 1991 I just spoke with Andy who’s still doing just fine and loving Phoenix. He reminded me that our clocks here go ahead an hour but they don’t change out there. Weird, huh? He’ll now be 3 hours earlier.

I played him the slurred edits, where I had the pause button partially down. They are so funny. I may do more editing later now that I have two tracks in working condition.

I fell asleep near 5 AM yesterday morning and woke, as usual, 4 hours later with an attack. Not a killer one, but a very annoying one. Kim is picking me up a refill on Alupent on her way to Springfield to work at Baystate. I’ve got a doctor that Kim called to follow up with this Monday.

Also, I stopped my Theodur like a jerk, but you know I hate any kind of drug. After the Navane, I’ve been really paranoid although that too has been better since I moved. What a major curse Springfield was.

Kim is so great and so sweet. She’s everything I look for in a person. I feel I can never express how grateful I am for all that she’s done for me. It’s like being rescued from Valleyhead. She’s a person that comes rare and is far and few between. I will just repay her by being a good friend.

Also, I was right from the very beginning as I may have mentioned before. She is very attracted to me and who I am. It’s amazing too, as I’ve always said, “Is there anyone out there who’s sane and upper class but yet will accept me for who and what I am?”

Sure enough, as we both agreed, we’re a lot alike. Not all serious, not all nuts. We’re both half-sane, half-insane. Also, she’s like me in always wanting to help others. I feel guilty, though, as I have no money to give her if she needed it. She doesn’t need it but part of me wishes we could swap incomes for a week or so, so I could do for her what she’s done for me. I wish she were here with me now. I could use the company and I’m bored but I don’t do walks at night even though I can usually defend myself quite well. I did cruise up and down Elm St. a bit today at around 2:30. It was 80º today and I got a great breeze through my windows, even though Kim and I have yet to figure out how to open the skylights. Thank God cats are sure-footed as Shadow went roof cruising for an hour or so. Can you believe it? I was scared shitless for him at first but even though he enjoyed it and was not hurt, I’m getting him a leash. That way he can also accompany me on walks. I tried taking a big ribbon and tying him up to one of the posts on the deck but he just kept slipping it off of his neck and going about his tour.

I feel so happy and safe since I’ve moved, but at the same time, a little lonely. I miss my friends and I can’t lie, you know me, but the urge for a lover is picking up here and there. I hate that feeling. I’ve learned now, that those feelings don’t mean I’m weak and yes I know you can be with someone and still be independent, but I still wish I could want to be alone 100% of the time. Oh well. I couldn’t get someone if I wanted to as I’ve written about 10 billion times before.

Getting back to Kim, sometimes I wish she were here to give me a hug and just hold me, but I try to keep my feelings inside. There’s no point saying anything. The last thing I need to do is make her feel depressed or burdened in any way and I don’t want her to feel used. I only hope I haven’t talked too much already. I also feel like a jerk cuz all my bottled-up frustration came out earlier today when I had that attack. Sometimes that’s the only way to vent it out, though, and get it out of me, rather than trash my place or something stupid like that. Those days are over and I haven’t slashed my wrists since age 17 and even though I was trapped, a minor and couldn’t and wouldn’t hurt the ones hurting me. Like I said, they’re over.

I don’t want to lead Kim on either, as I am not attracted to her.

Time for some hot chocolate.

I want to be a singer!!!

Wait till I tell Kim about that call.

FRIDAY, APRIL 5, 1991 South Deerfield…

Boy, do I ever have lots to write about. Yes, I’ve finally moved and man oh man is it quiet here. No people yelling. No horns honking. All you hear 2-3 times a day, but only during the day, is a train passing by. It runs right by Kim’s apt. I like trains, though.

Today is my father’s birthday. He’s 60, but he says he still feels young. No one in the family looks their age except for Tammy.

Tammy had told me she was writing a farewell letter to Mom, but she and Dad could call to keep in touch with Lisa, Becky, and Sarah. However, she must have spoken to them or maybe only Dad cuz he said earlier tonight that Tammy said she was gonna drive up this weekend but Lisa got sick.

I feel like I’m on some luxury vacation in a big beautiful hotel. I mean this place is huge! I never thought I’d laugh my ass off about the Woodside apartment. I had so much fun using my dishwasher, Jacuzzi, trash compactor and my washer and dryer.

It also is easier to breathe here for sure and the temperature was 72º today. Therefore, I had my big window door open and other windows and I got a hell of a breeze. We are more up in the mountains and cuz it’s further north, it’s colder and it snows more in the winter.

Shadow loves it here. He seems much happier here and causes less trouble. No more eating my napkins or going in the pails.

Like I mentioned before, we each have our own stairwells. There are 30 stairs that go straight up and Shadow loves it when I toss his balls down and he chases them. His litter box is down there too, along with Gloria’s pictures. I keep him there at night with a bowl of dry food. His canned food is up in the kitchen. And, of course, the toilet paper in the bathroom.

The day before I left, Jai came over and we had a great visit. I saw his place too and says he and Jenny will come up sometime. Also Steve and Jessie and hopefully Brenda, too. Also, Nervous came up the day before I moved and helped Kim and I drain the waterbed. It really was easy and lots of fun. I really enjoyed Nervous visiting, too.

Later…

I just finished listening to my stereo. I used that $488 fuel assistance check but I got a great deal on it anyway. It’s sort of like my old stereo which Brenda now has. It looks a lot like it and it came with the same kind of stand. I got it all for only $275 and that includes a turntable, dual cassette, AM/FM radio, and the CD player. The CD player was a separate unit. Editing works out great and the only thing I hate is the continuous play. I can’t rewind a tape while I’m listening to another. I have one speaker on top of the bedroom. The bedroom is the only one with a lower ceiling and is basically in the center of the place. The cathedral ceilings slant down over that and the rest of the place. The bedroom ceiling does slant too and part of it is straight. It’s super hard to describe. You have to see it.

Earlier, I had pork chops for dinner with Kim and Mark.

Mark saw the place since it’s all been fixed up and decorated and he freaked. Kim saw it when I got it all done 2 days ago. I love to decorate. I guess it’s the creativity in me and also being artistic.

So that’s it. Other than that, I spoke with Tammy and Hank, painted my nails and drew a picture.

[topperscumslut]

situationships be like im dissociating on ur couch at 7am and i haven’t slept meanwhile ur sleeping peacefully in ur bed in the other room. i’ll always be in love with u no matter how far away you move and how long it’s been since i’ve touched you. your lips are my favorite thing in this world. you’re my best friend and we’re just friends but then why were we cuddling and making out all night. u refuse to kiss me or touch me first bcuz u love me too much to lead me on or hurt me so i swear ur not leading me on or hurting me even tho that’s exactly what ur doing. i’ve written three full songs about you and dozens of other random scattered lyrics in my notes app. i love showing you my favorite movies. it’s my ex’s birthday but i’m here with u, the guy i told him not to worry about. ur all my therapist and mother and groupchat and diary and our other coworkers ever hear about. no one’s ever loved me like this before. what are we? i cried in front of you for the first time tonight. we said “i love you” for the first time tonight and i’m not sure if we meant as friends or more. i’m sleeping in ur hoodie. i’m a little tipsy and ur all i can think about. ur moving in two months and i will never miss anyone more. i’ll love u til my dying breath. i love how ur stubble feels on my face when we kiss. i miss the tiny bruises u left on my thighs when u pulled my body into urs. u still give me butterflies. i have a photo album of memes to send u. we’re each other’s #1 best friend on snapchat. ur why i always have a bottle of pheromone perfume on hand. casual by chappell roan is on repeat. i want to take you to the cemetery where i write all my songs about u. i’ve only ever taken one other person there before. u own my whole heart. the sun is coming up thru ur blinds and i still can’t sleep. my heart hurts. will u come with me when i get my ribcage tattoo? u look like my celebrity crush did in the 90s. i’m wearing ur favorite cow print hat while i write this. i eat every bite of food u make me when we close together even if i’m not hungry. we’re like the same person but also polar opposites. i think i knew u in another life in this same little town. we ruled this whole fucking city together. i think you’re my twin flame. i swear ur eyes look like the most beautiful eclipse i’ve ever seen whenever you look at me cuz ur pupils dilate so much. i can see how much u love me in ur eyes. i wanna cuddle u while we fall asleep but u say that’s too far. i told u some of my deepest secrets my second or third time ever meeting u. no one has ever gotten me off that fast. i wrote my first ever love song about you. i miss the way things were last christmas. i love hugging u in the parking lot at 3am. every song on superache reminds me of u (well besides family line). every song pete wentz wrote about mikey way reminds me of u. every song dodie wrote about jon cozart reminds me of u. tuesday is my favorite day of the week bcuz of u. i see us in every romance movie. i wanna get matching tattoos of our first inside joke of many. when will u want me to leave ur place tomorrow, well technically today? my therapist is in for an earful. the sky is the color of ur eyes. i love opals now bcuz they’re ur birthstone and they remind me of ur eyes. i love ur eyes. baby blue has replaced pink as my favorite color. i cried for two days straight when u accidentally unadded me on snapchat and then laughed my ass off with you when you apologized and told me it was a misclick. i hope ur 23rd birthday was ur favorite. i’ve never felt this way before. i’ll never look at the color crimson the same. we have the exact same myers briggs and enneagram type. my favorite memory is smoking a joint with you on ur back porch in my oversized ghostface tee from spencer’s, or maybe u going down on me. i would follow u to the west coast. what if we made a pact to marry each other if we’re both still single by the time i’m 30 haha just kidding. how do you feel about me? everything is so fucking bittersweet.

we’ll love each other til the earth stops spinning and the sun explodes. honestly? i think we could survive even that.

[whothinkswhatithink]

Story time for first post:

My sister had a baby like a year and a half ago, the baby was not planned and they decided to keep her. My sister and her husband are both professional dancers and have weird schedules that they keep and also don’t get paid very much. When my sister first had her baby she has asked me to come and stay with her for 3 months to take care of her baby while she was at work. I really don’t like children and know nothing about babies plus my sister and I didn’t have the greatest relationship. But I agreed to help out and left my job and home for 3 months to go love with her and the baby. It was hard but I got through it.

Then it was decided we were going to move to be closer to my sister (we moved states) which is fine, we hadn’t been near enough to her for 10+ years and the baby was a perfect opportunity for us to leave where we currently were. It was then mutually decided that I would nanny for my sister that coming year while she went to work again. Daycares are incredibly expensive and hard to get into without any preparation so it seemed like the best plan. They were sort of going to pay me but it was just an uncomfortable situation and we ultimately decided that they would pay my $50 for gas because it takes me 20 minutes to drive to her house. Which fine, it’s my sister it felt weird for her to pay me to watch my niece. However that meant I had no income and I have been trying to move out of my parents house. So I looked for a job and the only job I could find that worked with my sister and brother in laws hours was getting up at 3am for a baking shift at a grocery store. I really like my job and have gotten used to the hours but getting up that early and then going to straight to get a growing baby was incredibly tiring.

The year for the most part is going fine, my mom helps out when she can and that has been a saving grace because honestly it’s putting me in a really bad headspace. I love my niece dearly she is a very happy, easy baby who I have enjoyed watching her grow and learn new things. But she is also mentally draining, I’ve always been against having kids and really she has solidified my feelings even more. What angers me about this arrangement is feeling like I am not being heard or respected for my time and feelings. My sister works tues-Sun 9-4:30 and her husband works sat-thurs 2:00-10:00 plus my sister was a work out thing she goes to on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s. I watch my niece everyday except mondays and fridays from 1:00-7:00 because my sister ends up staying for dinner when she comes to pick her up. Not mention my brother in law is a gym rat so he always wants to leave early so he can go to the gym before work so I get constant texts of “hey can you come earlier today?” And then there is any extracurricular activities, since my sister and her husband work such opposite schedules they rarely get to see each other so they try to schedule date nights or they have beer share parties (they are super into beer) but that usually happens on one of my “off” days from them. Now I go to bed at 7pm because I have to get up so early and now they expect me to put my niece to bed a wait for them get home around 11 or 12? Are you kidding?

But I stuck it out for a year and made it through their dance season. Again my niece is wonderful but the whole situation is awful. Then comes summer time, now my sister wants to find a part time job or any opportunity to make money, which I totally get, they don’t get paid much and now they have a daughter. However it’s at the cost of me and my moms job. We now have to go through our schedules every week to find off days for us or even ask for days off simply so my sister can work. Like I need to work too? I need money too? And my biggest issue is they want me to nanny again, which was not apart of the original agreement. And now I’m like, how long do you want me to do this? Until she goes to school in another 4 years? Absolutely not! We moved here to be closer to family not to be free babysitters whenever you need it.

It was very clear from the beginning that my sister and husband were not prepared for a baby. Her husband in particular has changed nothing about his lifestyle to include his freaking daughter. Like you have a child now you don’t get to randomly jet off to Belgium to drink beer while you leave your wife at home or pick up random jobs out of state for the weekend. He literally asks me to come get her just so he can mow the lawn, or because he needs a “breaks”. THATS YOUR FUCKING CHILD MAD! Like what. My sister isn’t much better, she’s definitely put in the work for how she wants to raise her child which is awesome, but like I know dance is your life and you have been doing it longer then a lot of other dancers have maybe it’s time to retire and find a more stable job where you can watch your own child. There is too many things up in the air with these too and I’m tired of having my life revolve around them. Plus I don’t even know how to talk to my sister about this because it is such an uncomfortable situation I feel like I’m saying I hate your kid and I don’t want to help you when that’s not true. Plus I know where she’s coming from of having the relief of your child being somewhere they are safe and loved and not having to shell out $1,000 a week for daycare. But also I feel like I’m drowning.

As I said my mom helps a ton but she also doesn’t fully understand where I’m coming from when I try to talk to her about this. If she could she wouldn’t work at all and would take care of the baby all day everyday but she doesn’t have the money to retire or the flexibly with her schedule like I do. My dad doesn’t next to nothing witch pisses me off especially because he is totally on my side about everything. He gave me the misogynistic take of “well a baby needs that motherly figure” so my mom and I are the ones to feed her, change her, put her down for a nap but my dad just gets to be the fun grandpa. If he’s even around, I can’t count the times he would hang out with her for a little before just leaving to go work on whatever project he was going on. Meanwhile my niece is just calling and calling for him because he’s the fun grandparent and he just doesn’t care. Also he cannot/will not watch her on his own so he can’t help with any of this.

God it’s just draining my so much, I am totally burnt out and tired and frustrated and I don’t know what to do or how to approach any of this going forward.

[lifewithoutmeds]

January 21, 2023

hellooooo tumblr.

things are going ok. spent most of the day with lorena, and it was great! last tuesday i got word that there was a dog at the burbank shelter that they thought would benefit from fostering, so after work i went with lorena, and picked up Kiwi, a 5-year old siberian husky, from the burbank animal shelter.

so far she’s been pretty great. she snapped at me once when i got near her food/bed, she lunges at small dogs, and had one pee accident, but other than that, she’s been great. it’s been kinda nice having another presence in the condo, and also nice to think that this is a better environment for her than the shelter, so it’s been good. lorena also is great with kiwi and loves having her around and is doing more than her share of taking her out, and training her.

quick recap of the last week or so.

last weekend: mirna’s baby’s bday BCD tofu house with anjali pho and kimchi pancakes with lana and friends scandinavian exhibit at LACMA and lunch with rhiannon

it was a solid weekend and i was exhausted afterward, and i think i either napped for a few hours or slept that night for like 12 hours, but i recall thinking i must’ve been rather exhausted from the weekend.

it felt nice i guess to change up the scenery and see new/different parts of town and new/different people. 

tuesday - thursday i worked, and wednesday i came home a bit earlier to WFH because i was anxious about kiwi being home alone without supervision (lorena had been watching her/walking her but went to her aunt’s house at 1) and so instead of getting off at 5ish, i got off at 3ish so i could be around/observe her.

since then i’ve gotten a doggy cam and have observed that she mostly just lies around or chews her rawhide/bone when she’s not out and about on her walks with us.

wednesday i also got randomly and suddenly sick, though with what it’s still hard to tell. it felt like a suddenly onset cold, but taking allertec has made most if not all of the symptoms subside, so it could just be a random case of severe allergies (hopefully not to kiwi).

this weekend has been pretty great.

friday i had a doctor’s appointment in the morning, and then i got an oil change, then came home and checked up on lorena and kiwi, then went out again at lunch to ozawa with lana and jenny unni for lana’s promotion celebration. afterward i drove jenny unni back to koreatown and then stopped by pac city bank to sign my new CD account thing, then stopped at the local korean bakery for snacks before heading back. was able to hang out with kiwi and lorena for a bit before she headed out to work.

saturday (today) has been good so far. took kiwi out on a 50 minute hike in the morning while lorena slept, then came back, read a bit, napped, and then we had breakfast together and decided to try kiwi out at the atwater flea market, but upon seeing her overstimulated and lunging at small dogs and realizing that there were too many small dogs at the market for us to reasonably deal with, just took her on a walk around the neighborhood before heading back. i dropped lorena off at the mall so she could buy some work basics from Zara and i came back home and made some coffee, then picked her up and introduced her to King Taco, where we had tacos and sopes. she expressed a few times how much she was enjoying the day and we joked that as her friend, i’d love for her to skip out on work and hang out all day, but that as her financial advisor, i must advise her to keep working. she’s currently taking a nap while kiwi is tearing up her bone, and i feel fairly calm and at peace. it’s been a good day.

it kind of makes me wonder though. i’m not in a relationship, but i wonder if this is all i want. occasional companionship, a person to walk the dog with, a person to go to the flea market with, a person to bring a pastry home to. am i settling? or do i just get comfortable when there’s no chase? i don’t feel as if i’m playing second fiddle, in fact i know i’m not first, and i probably only hung out with her today because i saw via ig stories that reyna is at disneyland with her mom, but that doesn’t make me feel less than, or secondary, if anything, it makes me feel almost ... comforted knowing how little i need. i feel less anxious, less needy, less attached. i’m ok with this, and i’m ok with that. 

today was a good day. i was out with a good friend, had good walks with a good dog, ate some good food, and even had time to read and journal. i could see how some might think this was boring, but it was one of those “nothing days” that i’ve grown to appreciate, because i know that these are days that might be easy to forget, but nice to remember.

[goed]

18th Annual E-Money Year in Review: 2022 Edition

This was a weird year. There were many changes, and I had a lot of unique experiences. In the end, I think I'm in a better place (literally and figuratively) than I was a year ago. In February, I was up for my first Emmy award. I didn't win. It's a cliche, but it's definitely an honor just to be nominated. Around this time, I got to check a couple more basketball arenas off the list. I went to Western Kentucky and Middle Tennessee. I can't imagine I'll find another chance to go to either of those places. But they both were charming in their own little way. I literally just walked into MTSU's arena. I had a ticket, but there was nobody checking them at the door. With my contract expiring at WKRN at the beginning of June, I started applying for jobs in earnest. Around this same time, we learned that Petey had been matched with the VA Hospital in Boston. This assured that Petey and I would soon no longer be living in the same city (as I didn't have much of an interest in moving to Boston). This was a sad time. Now, I've really grown to appreciate the time that Petey and I had together in Nashville. It was nice being able to just make impromptu plans with her and see her on a random Tuesday. But that's not possible anymore, unfortunately. We did have a chance to take a nice little trip in March, though. We went down to Savannah for St. Patrick's Day, then over to Charleston, where I got to see my friend Caleb. We stopped briefly in Columbia, then went up to Greenville, where I got to see Jessica and we saw some 2nd round NCAA tournament games. It was nice to see some parts of SC that I hadn't gotten to visit in a while. Petey left town at the end of May, so it was just me in Nashville at that point. Simultaneously, just as I was wrapping up my job at WKRN, I got covid (for the first time). The timing was absolutely strange. I missed the first 3 days of my last week of work, but was able to come in for the last 2. Overall, having covid was terrible. I was absolutely bed-ridden for 1 or 2 days. But I got some paxlovid, which sped my recovery up. My last day at WKRN was June 3rd. What a whirlwind of a day. This wasn't just my last day at WKRN, it was my last day in news. It was very, very, very difficult to come to the decision not to do that job anymore. But the stress was just something I could not deal with anymore. I'm sad that I left that business, but I know it was for the best. I had been applying for jobs, but still didn't have one lined up at the point that my contract was due to expire. So I figured that since I had unlimited free time for the first time in my professional life, I might as well take advantage of it. I went on a 5,000 mile road trip. I got to see the Badlands in South Dakota, Devils Tower in Wyoming, my sister in Colorado, New Mexico, and then a week in Texas. The highlight of the trip for me was Big Bend National Park. It's just so remote. I took a rowboat over the Rio Grande and spent an hour or so in Mexico. I'd love to return to Big Bend again. My trip later took me through San Antonio, Houston, Galveston, and Austin, where I was able to see my cousin, Andrew, and his now-fiancee Elisa. That trip was something special. The vast majority of it was spent by myself, which really allowed me some time to think. I also love just driving through these sparsely-populated areas out west. I definitely need to do something like that again. After I got back from my trip (which took about 2.5 weeks), I was faced with the cold reality that I was unemployed and in a city that I had no connection to. I wanted to move back to Pittsburgh, but I figured I should wait until I had a job lined up before I moved. I was able to make ends meet by driving for uber and lyft. But this is definitely a time in my life that was especially trying. In the end, I applied for about 80 jobs. Of those,  I got interviews with maybe half a dozen or so. Trying to break into a different industry was especially difficult, and not at all like the job application processes I've experienced in the past. On September 1st, I had an interview with UPMC for a job at US Steel Tower. I can still vividly remember my thoughts as I was going down the escalator, leaving the building. I was so absolutely terrified that this was going to be the last time I would ever be there. Working in that building, to me, felt like it would convey a sense of legitimacy. This is the tallest building in Pittsburgh. When I was younger, working in a place like that, doing a job like that, felt like it was the sort of thing that “grown-ups” did. I really wanted that. A week or so later, I got the call that I had been offered the job, which I started at the beginning of October. Working at UPMC has been very different than what I experienced in my time in news. It is so, so, so less stressful. I feel supported at work and feel like people appreciate my concerns. That matters so much to me.

I moved out of Nashville on September 23rd. I’d been there for a little over 4 years. Nashville is a good city, and I have many positive memories from there. But Pittsburgh has always been home to me, and I am so glad to be back.

[spiderrrling]

Guts to say anything (Eddie Munson x F! Reader)

Pairing - Eddie Munson x F!Reader

Summary - Two idiots in love finally being able to admit their feelings to each other, middle school best friends to lovers

Warnings - None! Just the slightest amount of angst 

Word count - 3433

A/N - This fic is based on the song Guts by All Time Low, give it a listen while you read!! Another fic I’ve managed to bang out during work, I’m really happy with this one just because I think its super cute :) have fun!

Requests are open and feedback is always appreciated! Remember to leave a like and comment/reblog to support your local fic writers

The trailer was quiet this time of night, but the soft voice of Eddie Munson. Wayne had left a couple of hours ago for his shift at the plant. Eddie's uncle always insisted she just call him Wayne, or Uncle Wayne, insisting that she was practically family so there was no need for a Sir or Mr when speaking with him.

Fall had come to Hawkins and the happy feeling of summer had subsided as the season shifted and a new semester at Hawkins High started.

It was an ordinary Tuesday evening. She had promised Eddie she would come over and help him write his paper for Ms. Click's class, determined to help him finally graduate high school two years late so they could graduate together. 

Papers laid strewn around his bed, and their countless history books laid among them along with pens and highlighters. Eddie was reading aloud a passage for his paper for her to hear.

She was laid out on his bed, her head laid along the side of the bed close to where Eddie was sitting on the floor, his back against the bed with his paper in his hands. Her handwriting intertwined his on the paper.

"From this perspective it may be considered that the allied forces were rescued by the Americans joining the war efforts during the first world war, helping to turn the tide against the Germans." 

"Don't say Germans, it was the Triple Entente." She corrected him, nabbing the paper from his hand and underlining the word, indicating he should fix it.

"And this is exactly why I keep you around." Eddie joked and took back his paper before he started reading again, this time with his narration voice that he used for Dungeons and Dragons, making his very ordinary paper on World War One a much more enjoyable experience and she couldn't help but laugh.

"Come on, you know I can't focus when you do that." She whined and kicked his shoulder with her foot. "It's too late to focus anyway." Eddie rubbed his face, trying to keep the sleepiness at bay.

She had been helping Eddie with his essays for what seemed like forever. They had been friends since middle school, and their friendship had started with her hating every single ounce of his being. Ever since Eddie had checked out every single Dungeons and Dragons book he could find in the library, and not caring to return them by their due date.

The librarian had gotten so tired of her constant asking about the books being returned that she told who had checked them out. That day at lunch, she sat next to Eddie for the first time and demanded to see the books, since he was keeping her from learning about the fantastical world of Dungeons and Dragons, it only seemed fair.

And that had been the start of their friendship. He had been older, which sucked because it meant they never shared their library period together, and he went to high school before her. But ever since the club started there had always been a spot for her in Hellfire. "It's only fair after I kept you from the game for so long." He'd joke and say.

Ever since that day they had been thick as thieves, practically joined at the hips and everyone knew that. When Eddie was a senior and got his first note that he would be held back she had joked he'd failed just to stay with her, it may not have been that far from the truth if you asked him.

"You know, I'm convinced you just can't leave me here all by my lonesome."

"Yeah, you're right someone's gotta keep an eye on you, because we all know I am the voice of reason in this friendship." He would jab right back at her. "Besides, I can't have you find a new prank partner if I'm not around."

"I could never." She meant it, there was no one that could ever replace Eddie, his place in her life.

Eddie bought her books, all sorts of them. Fantasy, science fiction, classical literature. Just to be able to see her reaction to reading them. In return she would supply him and subsequently the Hellfire club with baked goods.

They fit so well together, there was never any pressure to be anyone else but themselves when they were around each other. Being with Eddie was easy, it was natural and it was perfect.

Which is what made it so difficult to tell when these feelings had started. Eddie had always been cute, even when his hair was buzzed in middle school. But as he got older, and his hair got longer, there was a different sort of charm to him. And she had started picking up on it.

The way he started dressing, finding his classic rock inspired style with his rings and chains. The leather jacket he absolutely refused to go without. Deciding one day to cut his own bangs, which ended up in her having to help him.

Her eyes would be lingering for a little too long on his face, finding her eyes wandering during class to where he was sitting just so she could look at him. Or her mind going completely crazy with thoughts of him.

Before she really knew what had happened she found herself in the scenario having the biggest crush, on her longest and best friend. She had tried pushing the feelings away, but that just made them come by stronger. She would come home from school, or from his trailer and just scream into her pillow.

Butterflies kept appearing in her stomach whenever she was around him and she found herself stuttering and falling over her words more and more frequently.

Some part of her heart had slowly been falling in love with Eddie Munson, until she was head over heels without noticing before it was too late.

Eddie had continued reading aloud his essay but she wasn't listening to what he was saying. She was too focused on his voice to be able to listen to what he was saying.

She had been in his room more times than she could count. Granted it had changed a lot over the years. She had helped him hang at least half of the posters that decorated the walls, even helped him install his precious guitar stand. His room was messy, but in a lived in sort of messy charming way. It felt like crawling inside a part of Eddie’s brain and she could spend hours in here studying every inch of the room.

Books that couldn't fit on his small shelf were stacked on the floor in between the heaps of clothes that were spilling out of his closet. It permanently smelled of weed in there, but she didn't mind. In her mind the smell of weed was so closely linked to Eddie by that point.

Her hands ran over the blanket on his bed, the one she had knitted for him when she had her knitting phase years ago. It was worn out and practically falling apart but he had still hung onto it. Same with the one in the living room that laid on the couch.

Some part of Eddie couldn't bring himself to get rid of anything she made. There was a box, shoved to the way back beneath his bed filled to the brim with everything she had ever made him. From failed knitting projects, to every birthday card and even every note she passed him during school.

She was the most solid part of his life beside his uncle. There was never a moment where he felt as if she wasn't there for him. Of course they had fought, they were teenagers who sometimes got too caught up in their own mess to not have had small fights.

But they always found their way back to each other eventually. He would write her a song, or she would bake something and bring to him at the trailer park late at night, and he would let her in and they would eat and laugh about whatever stupid argument they had had.

Eddie had always loved her, deep down no matter the kind he had always loved her since that first day in the cafeteria. The feeling grew and changed with the year, and he realized that she felt like home. His home.

He wasn't sure when his feelings had shifted from platonic companionship into romantic longing, but he adored her. Every part of her, even the ones that sometimes drove him crazy.

It was difficult having her around without the feelings threatening to spill over, but he tried his best to keep them at bay. Convinced she did not feel the same way about him that he felt about her.

Besides, she was already getting flack at school for being best friends with the freak, he couldn't imagine what might happen if they became something more.

"You paying attention up there?" Eddie turned his head to look up at where she was laying. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing slowly. Eddie played with the rings on his fingers, a habit he had picked up when he felt the urge to touch her.

The intense want to brush stray pieces of hair out of her face, or to hold her hand. And the worst thing was that he had done all of those things countless times before. But that was when he wasn't aware of the feelings brewing inside of him and he knew that touching her could send him spiraling.

"Falling asleep?" He asked softly and she only hummed in return. 

"Need me to drive you home? Or you could stay if you want."

She scrunched her nose, knowing her parents didn't care too much but they wouldn't be happy she stayed the night at Eddie's on a school night. She had stayed over at his place more times than she could count, but on a school night?

Her parents thought their friendship in middle school had been cute, but they got more and more suspicious as they both got older.

"You know if you like him that is ok!"

"Mom no gross, it's Eddie I could never think of him that way." 

It had been a lie and she knew it, in fact it was one of the only things she thought about these days. In fact it was one of the things she struggled not to think about.

"You do know it's only ten minutes to walk right?" She pushed herself up so she was resting on her elbows and could look down at where he was seated on the floor.

"And? Hawkins is dangerous this time of the night." It was true, more and more strange things kept happening in the small town they used to think was so dull the most dangerous thing that could happen was someone dying of boredom.

She only laughed him off, grabbing her bag and stuffing all her school materials into it. Not worried about leaving anything because Eddie would just bring it the next day.

"Well, if something happens you'll get to say I told you so at my funeral."

Her parents weren't the only ones suspicious of their relationship. Eddie's uncle would occasionally cast them a couple of quick looks. And their friends were convinced it was only a matter of time before they got together. They would never say it directly, but they teased it a lot.

Everyone else but them seemed to have picked up on the feelings they both had towards each other. The two of them were completely oblivious to it.

Eddie stayed seated at the floor as she packed up. "Well if you don't hurry your funeral will be from dying in your room after your parents ground you after breaking curfew again."

"Wait, what time is it?" Her blood ran cold, she had already broken curfew twice already this month because of Eddie and even though her parents seemed to like Eddie, they did not appreciate his ability to make her late home.

"Just about to be eleven." Eddie turned his wrist to read the watch face that was strapped to it. "Shit." She cursed under her breath and hurried her movement, shoving the last of her stuff into the bag and slinging it over her shoulder.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She leaned down and pressed a kiss to Eddie's lips without realizing what she had done, she walked out of his room. Just as she had stepped outside and replayed the last thirty seconds in her mind she realized what she had done.

Her limbs went completely numb and practically went into shock. Deciding it was best to not look back at the mess she created she kept walking starting her trail back home.

Eddie on the other hand was completely stunned, unable to form a coherent thought. His fingertips gently grazed his lips where hers had been just a moment before.

His body acted before he could think and suddenly he was on his feet running out of the trailer. His boots crunching against the gravel road leading out of the trailer park as he ran after her.

Now Eddie hadn't actually thought about what he would say when he caught up with her, just that he couldn't let her leave just yet. "Hey! Hey wait up!" He shouted after her, and she stopped for a moment turning to look at him.

His cheeks were flushed pink, but it wasn't from the run or from the early fall temperatures. She felt her chest clench and mouth going dry as he approached, terrified that what she had just done had ruined their friendship.

"You- you can't leave." Eddie simply said he was a little out of breath and his hand had grabbed onto her wrist keeping her from leaving. He was only holding it loosely and she could easily have pulled it out of his grasp, but it suggested he wanted her to stay. "Not after that you can't leave."

There was a sincerity in his voice as he spoke and she could see his eyes were softer than normal.

"Eddie I'm sorry I don't know why I did that it was stupid and I didn't think-"

"You walk to school every morning, which is ridiculous because I've offered to drive you a million times. And you're a reckless pedestrian and I've probably almost hit you more times than I can count." Eddie blurted out, neither of them were sure of what he was saying. "And I know exactly what you bring for lunch every day because it's always the same, except for on Fridays because then you bring your homemade banana bread and you always let me have a piece."

She could see his face was slowly turning more and more red as he spoke. 

"Because that is just who you are, you're kind. So kind in fact that you still help me with my homework, and you show up to Hellfire early every single week without fail to help me set up. You've never forgotten my birthday, and I know that because I've saved every single card you've ever made me. You refuse to learn how to drive because it terrifies you."

Eddie was full on rambling now, it was as if his brain couldn't keep up with the words coming out of his mouth. A part of her found it adorable, but she was also utterly confused.

"Why are you-" Eddie cut her off again, still not letting her speak. "Let me finish please because if I don't finally say it I feel like I might explode."

"I don't care that you're my best friend, that you're a part of my life, my family. I don't care that you're also a mess." She could feel her own cheeks heating up as he spoke. "And I don't care what happened in there, why you did it. I love you, I've loved you every single day since we first met. And I don't care if you don't feel the same way but you have to know that I love you."

She finally managed to meet his gaze and look him in the eye. His dark brown eyes shining in the dimly lit night.

"Are you done?" He nodded in response, biting his bottom lip. A thousand thoughts were racing through both of their heads as they stood there in the night looking at each other. And for a couple of moments she was unable to speak, slowly processing what he had just said.

Those words that she had only imagined in his wildest dreams that he would say. Was this really real? Did he actually say these things? Or was this just another dream and in reality she was tucked into her bed sleeping peacefully.

But no, he was there, standing in front of her. His hand was still around her wrist proving that this was really happening. She could feel the cold metal of his rings against her skin and it helped her focus on what was really happening here.

"You're a mess too." She finally said after what felt like an eternity. "And you're my best friend." She pulled her wrist from his grip and she swore she could see something break in his eyes. "And I love you too."

She barely managed to get out the last words before Eddie's hand cupped her face, practically crashing his lips against hers so hard she struggled to breathe. But she didn't care. Her hands threw themselves around his shoulders to steady herself as he kissed her.

The kiss was intense, needy, desperate. No matter how many times she could have imagined their first kiss, she never could have imagined it would be like this. That it would be as magical as this. Eddie kissed her like he was dying and she was the only life line he had left, it didn’t matter how close he could get because it would never be close enough for him.

Finally it was the overwhelming need of oxygen that forced them to pull away from each other. Arms still holding one another tight. Nothing was said between them, the only sound was the two of them breathing heavily. She was dizzy from the kiss, from the intensity of it.

And she was totally and utterly overcome with her feelings for him.

"Shit..." Eddie cursed under his breath as he pulled her even closer, squeezing her in his arms. "If I knew it would feel that good to kiss you I would have admitted my feelings forever ago."

"Forever?" She looked up at him and found his brown eyes meeting hers. "That's at least how long it has felt." Eddie chuckled at her as he hugged her tight. And for a moment they could just stand there, wrapped in each other not saying anything surrounded by the quiet of the trailer park.

"Can I kiss you again?" Eddie asked and she nodded in return, longing for the feeling of his lips against hers again. He leaned down and captured her lips with his, this time it was slower, tender. He was focused on savoring her, drowning in the feeling of her lips, her taste.

Eddie was totally gone, kissing her felt heavenly and he never wanted to stop. Pulling away he rested his lips against her forehead for a moment.

"Changed your mind about that ride?" He asked slyly before pressing a quick kiss to her lips, quickly becoming addicted to the feeling of her lips against his own. "Or maybe staying?" He said before giving her another kiss.

“Only if you call my parents and tell them why I won’t be coming home tonight.”

Eddie paused for a second and she swore she could have seen the gears turning in his head as he was weighing his options. “If it means if I get to spend the night with you, it’ll be worth it.” He pulled her close, letting her rest her head against his shoulder and they simply stood there for a moment. Needing time to process what had just happened.

“Is this weird?” She finally said, peeking up at him from where she stood.

“Totally weird.” He agreed and laughed. She could feel the vibrations of his laugh from deep within his chest. “But in a good way, in a very good way.” 

“Ok, good.” She breathed out a sigh of relief. “Just making sure.”

Tags for mutuals - @uglypastels @naturallytom @anaaaispunk @hey-its-grey  @shadowfae1878 @munsonlover

Please let me know if you’d like to be included on my tag list!

[geekfanficwriter]

Caught Somewhere in Time- Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader Part 15/?

Summary: You end up in the 80s, 20 years earlier than it should be luckily a certain metalhead is about to make your time in the 80s much easier. Words: 2.1k Warnings: sexual themes

Part 14 Part 16

Masterlist

9th September 1985

‘First day of senior year.’ Eddie says throwing his arm around your shoulder as the two of you make your way into the school. 

‘For me maybe.’ You poke back at him.

‘Come on, I’ve told you this before, I was just waiting for you to catch up to me. I’m definitely going to graduate this year.’ He laughs kissing the side of your head as you make your way over to your locker.

‘And I’ve told you, if you annoy me in class, then I won’t sleep with you.’ 

‘Is that really a punishment for me? Or is it more of a punishment for you as you’ll be missing out on all this?’ He says, indicating to his body with the hand that wasn’t over your shoulders. You roll your eyes and wiggle out from underneath him, going to open your locker and pull out your books. Before you can grab your books, Eddie moves behind you and grabs them from your locker, holding them for you.

‘I’ll carry your books you’re still healing.’ He tells you cradling them in one arm.

‘Eddie, I’m fine. Look no cast.’ You say holding up your now cast-free wrist and waving it around.

‘The doctor said it could take up to a year to heal fully.’ He points out and you roll your eyes at him again.

‘He also said that I should continue to do my daily activities in order to help it heal.’ You say crossing your arms.

‘I’m just trying to be a helpful boyfriend, why do you have to be so independent all the time?’ He pouts at you.

‘Fine, I guess you can help me, although I’m pretty sure the only reason is that you don’t actually have the books and you want to use them.’ 

‘I’m offended that you’d think so lowly of me. Even if it is the truth.’ He says dramatically clutching his chest.

‘Oh, by the way, you’re not working this evening right?’ He asks you. After the mall had ‘burnt down’ you had gotten a new job at the grocery store as a cashier. It was even worse than working in the bookstore but you needed to earn some money, especially as you were graduating the next year.

‘Nope, I’m off work although I am working before your gig on Tuesday so I’ll have to meet you there but I promise I won’t miss it.’ You tell him.

‘You better not. You missed one in January so that’s your limit for this year.’ He joked with you.

‘I had the flu! And you shouldn’t have been playing cause you also had the flu, Gareth told me you nearly passed out on stage.’ 

‘I didn’t have the flu, Eddie Munson does not get sick.’ He protests.

‘Okay, is that why you spent the next three days in bed?’

‘I didn’t want to leave you alone while you were sick. Anyway, tonight, I think we should go on a proper date, it’s been a while since we’ve been on one.’ 

‘Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. What’s the plan?’ You ask him.

‘I’ll think one up and tell you in class.’ He leans in and presses a kiss to your lips. 

‘You know that’s really gross, right?’ You heard a voice say from next to you. You looked over and saw Robin standing there with her arms crossed.

‘Aw, don’t worry Robin we’ll find you a boyfriend.’ Eddie said and your eyes widened.

‘No, we won’t.’ You elbowed Eddie.

‘Yeah, I really don’t want you to help me.’ Robin said.

‘Alright, I feel like I’m missing something.’ Eddie said looking between the two of you. 

‘It’s nothing babe.’ You say, kissing his cheek. Just at that moment, the bell rings, indicating it’s time for the three of your to head to class.

‘Thanks for not telling Eddie about me.’ Robin says as the two of you walk to the cafeteria. Your period before lunch was one of the few you didn’t have with Eddie so you decided to meet him in the cafeteria.

‘It’s alright.’ You shrug. You knew that it wasn’t your place to tell others about Robin’s sexuality, even if you knew Eddie would be okay with it.

‘I’m surprised you didn’t, to be honest.’ 

‘Yeah well, it’s the only secret I actually feel good about keeping.’ You say looking down at your hands.

‘You still haven’t told him? Y/N, you said you would!’ She exclaims.

‘I did.’ You had said that. At some point, after going to the hospital you had made a decision you were going to tell Eddie the truth about everything. ‘It’s just every time I try, I see those big brown eyes and I feel so guilty about lying that I can’t tell him. Plus if I tell him and then something else happens, he’ll want to be involved and I don’t want that.’

‘So you feel guilty about lying so you keep lying?’ She rolls her eyes at you as the two of you walk into the cafeteria. 

‘I know but it doesn’t matter cause I’m not planning on going back to the future anyway.’

‘Y/N, that’s not the point. And- wait why are the kids sat with Eddie?’ You look over at your table and see that Robin is right, Dustin, Mike and Lucas are all sitting there talking to Eddie.

‘Eddie did mention something about wanting new members for Hellfire so maybe that’s why?’ You frown.

‘Hmm, well enjoy. I’ll see you later.’ She waves heading over to sit with the other people in band. You walk over to your own table, taking your seat next to Eddie and pulling out a sandwich from your bag.

‘Hey, babe.’ Eddie smiles at you and before he can ask you pull out another sandwich from your bag and place it in front of him.‘Thanks, babe.’ 

‘I thought you said you were going to remember lunch this year?’ You ask him, raising an eyebrow.

‘Yeah, but it’s only our first day.’ 

‘Well, try to remember tomorrow. Why are you guys here?’ You say turning to the kids.

‘Umm, Eddie came over to us and asked if we wanted to join his DnD club. Why are you here?’ Dustin responds.

‘Eddie’s my boyfriend. Also, I’m in Hellfire Club.’ You shrug.

‘Wait, this is Eddie your boyfriend? Steve said your boyfriend is bad news.’ 

‘Steve doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.’ You shoot back.

‘Umm, do you know these kids?’ Eddie asked clearly confused about this interaction.

‘Yeah, they’re Steve’s kids. I’ve mentioned them to you before.’ 

‘We’re not Steve’s kids.’ Dustin protested.

‘They’re the children that Steve hangs around with because the only friends he has that are his own age are me and Robin. Is that better?’ You roll your eyes as you speak and Dustin nods in approval.

‘So King Steve hangs around with kids now?’ Eddie laughs, before turning to look at the newspaper in front of him.

‘Why do you have a newspaper? And where did you get it from?’ You frown at Eddie.

‘I stole it from the staff room and I wanted to see what was showing at the theatre tonight for our date. Urgh, The Way We Were is showing at the drive-in, we’re not going to see that.’ Eddie frowns, flicking through the theatre showings.

‘We could do something else?’ You suggest,/ reaching over and grabbing his hand.

‘Like what? Not like there’s much to do in this shithole town.’ Eddie grumbles.

‘I don’t know, we could just go out for dinner if there’s nothing good in the theatres.’ You shrug.

‘You’ll get used to them just having conversations together. We reckon they’ll grow out of this love-sick shit at some point in the next 40 years.’ Jeff says to the three freshmen, earning him a kick under the table from you.

‘It’s not our fault the only date you’ve been on is with the head of the abstinence group.’ You shoot back, earning a laugh from Eddie and Gareth.

‘Maybe you two could use some abstinence. Didn’t you get suspended last year for having sex in the Hellfire room?’ He says earning a disgusted groan from the kids.

‘At least we’ve only been caught once.’ Eddie says with a big grin on his face.

‘Eddie, seriously!’ You shout at him. 

‘Seriously you two have issues.’ Jeff rolled his eyes.

‘Yeah, that’s why we’re perfect for each other.’ Eddie leaned over, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close, kissing you on your forehead. 

‘Anyway, Y/N can you give us a ride to the arcade after school?’ Mike asked, looking over at you.

‘Sorry, kid, Eddie gave me a ride today so you’ll have to bike.’ 

‘The arcade!’ Eddie yelled out and you looked at his confusion. ‘We haven’t been to the arcade together in ages, we should go there for our date tonight.’

‘Yeah but only because I kick your ass every time we go there.’ You smirk at him.

‘You do not.’ He protests and you laugh at him.

‘So this means you’ll give us a ride to the arcade, right?’ Dustin asked.

‘Yeah, I’ll give you kids a ride.’ Eddie turns to them, clearly excited that he finally had a plan for your date.

At the end of the day, you head over to where Eddie’s van is parked. You see the three kids are looking around confused.

‘Van’s over here.’ You nod in the direction of the van walking over, with them trailing closely behind you. Once you reach the van you turn towards them.

‘Look, Eddie doesn’t know about any of the shit that happened so keep your mouths shut. Got it?’ You warn them and they all nod.

‘Why haven’t you told him? I mean I told Max.’ Lucas asked.

‘It’s complicated, okay?’ You sigh and then let out a yelp as you feel a set of arms wrapped around you from behind.

‘What’s complicated, babe?’ Eddie says giving you a kiss on the cheek as you feel his curls tickling your face.

‘Oh you know, life.’ You shrug as you turn your neck to face Eddie, placing a kiss on his lips. ‘Come on, let’s get going.’ Eddie opens up the passenger door for you and you climb in as the kids climb in behind you. Eddie moves over to the driver’s side, climbing in and starting up the car.

‘Now, I’m about to introduce you kids to some real music.’ Eddie says, reaching over and turning on the stereo, Metallica blasting through the speakers as he pulls out of the parking lot.

He drives along, his hand planted firmly on your thigh as he head bangs to the loud music. Eventually, he parks up outside the arcade, turning off the engine and looking at you.

‘Ready to have your ass kicked?’ Eddie smirked, squeezing your thigh.

‘In your dreams, Munson.’ You smirk at him, as the kids climb out of the van, clearly not wanting to watch the two of you flirt.

‘I mean I have plenty of dreams about you but they’re definitely not so PG.’ He leans in close to you.

‘Stop trying to get out of losing, Eddie.’ You smirk leaning forward and placing a kiss on his nose. 

‘Oh, it’s on.’ Eddie climbs out of the van, running over to your side and opening the door for you.

‘Always such the gentlemen.’ You say as he grabs your hand, pulling you into the arcade. You make your way over to one of the two-player machines to play against each other. Eddie inserts a quarter into the machine, making it start up. You both play the game, fighting against each other, fairly evenly matched. You don’t take your eyes off the screen but you lean over to Eddie.

‘If you win I’ll give you a blowjob.’ You whisper in his ear. Eddie groans taking his eyes off the screen and looking at you. You use the opportunity to strike the final blow, laughing as you win.

‘Told you I was better than you.’ You smirk at him.

‘You’re a little menace, you know that.’ He pouted up at you. You placed a kiss on his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck.

‘I wouldn’t be if you weren’t so easy to wind up.’ You say as his hands land on your hips.

‘It’s worth it to spend time with you.’ You falter for a moment. The smile slipping off your face.

‘Eddie, I-‘ You start, looking into his eyes. ‘I love you.’ You smile at him. 

‘I love you, too.’ He smiles back. You just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the truth, even though you wanted to.

—————

Taglist: @michaelfuckinglangdon @taygra5shaon @eddiemunson4ever @little-diva-gurl @oxbunnehxo @fentyreligion @bellegirl16 @smol-book-nerd @pbeckn26 @luvfrlslou @maicclg @ruinedbythehobbit​  @lillyof-thevalley @yourdailymemedelivery

[runwithwolvcs]

Right Where You Left Me

Part One

New Developments

No Warnings

I’ve spent the last six months slipping out of my window and into Paul’s, spending the night quietly wrapped up in each other before slipping out again early the next morning. No feelings involved, that was the deal. It was working for the most part,  the one thing in my life that I didn’t have to worry about. until I did. Paul was changing, physically and emotionally. I ragged on him about the use of anabolic steroids but he denied ever taking anything, though the signs were all there. he from the typical physique of an eighteen year old, athletic boy to a body builder, with ticking time bomb attitude. It was never aimed at myself, but usually the boys he called his friends. It had gotten so bad that he was kicked off the soccer team. Although he no longer needed a tutor, his incentive ripped from him, he still showed up every Tuesday after school.

 I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about him.

My friend Leah Clearwater had noticed the same behaviour changes in her older boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, Sam Uley, a few months before he fell madly in love with her cousin, Emily. It was sick and cruel. I had listened to enough of her rants to know that Sam was not a kind person, so when Jared Cameron started hanging around him like a lost puppy, the entire school was confused.I just hoped Paul was wise enough to not get involved with them, but as I climbed through his window in the late hours of the night, that hope felt lost.

“You weren’t at school today.” Was the first thing he said to me, as if that was the big drama of the day. I had heard what had happened via text messages from Tessa Calloway, though she was one to exaggerate situations, she was still my best friend and most reliable source at school. 

“I had a family thing.” I grazed his cheek gently over the purple bruise that had started to form, “What happened?”

“Shiloh Deloria happened.” Paul grumbled, pulling away from my touch. I try not to frown, Paul and Shiloh had been friends since middle school. Best friends even, they were nearly inseparable at school. He had even sat in on a few tutoring sessions. 

Paul cupped my cheek before pressing his lips to mine, signalling this was not a conversation he wanted to happen, but I didn’t care.

“Did you start it?” I asked, pulling my lips from his. Now he was the one frowning.

“He deserved it,” he griped, running his thumb over my bottom lip, “Cal did fuck all about it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He said,” he cleared his throat, uncertainty in his eyes, “He said that Cal should hit you up again, considering your mom still keeps your dad around.”

“What?” I was confused. What did my mom have to do with what happened between Calian and I?

.

“Your dad..Fuck, I shouldn’t be the one telling you this.” Paul took a step away from, moving towards his bed pushed up against the wall of his bedroom. I notice as he sits that the posters of his favourite soccer team were torn down, the only poster left on his wall was of a woman with barely there clothing sprawled out across the hood of a fancy sports car. 

“Well you’ve already started so finish it,” I press the subject, following him to sit on his too small of a bed.

“Your dad's cheating on your mom.” he blurted out so fast that I barely caught the words.

My face pales in disbelief, “No, he’s not.”

“Shilohs aunt lives in Tacoma, and when they went to visit, he was there with her.” Paul explained, and it clicked. The business meetings my dad had to go to in Tacoma every few weeks was nothing more than a visit to his side chick.

“When did he visit?”

“Two months ago maybe.”

“What the fuck..” I mumble as I lay back onto his bed, the room suddenly spinning. I look at Paul in confusion, but he just stares back with concern, “Why’d you hit him?”

“He also said that maybe you take after your dad more and get around a lot, Cal laughed and I lost it.”

“You’re an idiot..”  I trail off, not finishing my sentence with what I really wanted to say.

“But?”

Now I’m the one who wants this conversation to be over.

“I didn’t really come here to talk.” I looked away from him and at the ceiling, it was true. I came here to escape my reality, not fall deeper into it.

“No?”

I shook my head, and that was all he needed to climb over me, his hands by my head and his knee spreading my legs apart so that he could settle himself between them. I tangle my fingers into his shaggy hair, tugging him closer to me. Paul let out a groan before opening his mouth and gliding his tongue across my lower lip. Leaning into the kiss, I part my lips allowing him into my mouth. 

I make quick work of discarding his hoodie, and then his shirt, leaving  him bare chested on top of me. The new muscles he had gained felt like silk under palms as I ran my hands down his back. Paul pressed his pelvis into mine and I arched my back to get closer to him.

He moves from my lips to my neck, a warm hand slipping under my tshirt and to my breast, teasing me over my bra. It wasn’t long before he pried the shirt off my body and moved his way down between the valley of my breasts, then stomach, only stop at the top of my sleep shorts to untie them and then tug them down my legs, I kicked them off when the were low enough as he positioned himself between my legs, one over his shoulder the other bent in a comfortable position, out of his way. 

“Matching set, huh?” Paul observed, toying with the waistband of her black panties that matched her lacy black bra.

“Just because they’re both black, doesn’t mean they’re matching,” I bite back at him.

Paul clicked his tongue in response, as he slowly inserted his fingers into the waistband. I bite my lip in anticipation as his fingers trace my folds, collecting my growing arousal, “Today sucked,” his voice hoarse, as he pushed two fingers into me. My back arches at the familiar feeling. I can feel his gaze on me as he watches me quickly unravel, “...need you to make it better,” he mumbles, kissing my inner thigh. 

I flush at his words, they never held any real meaning but in the heat of the moment, I felt like the only girl on his mind.

His tongue teased and circled your entrance. His hands pushed my legs further apart so that he could gain better access to my core,  which he claimed was made just for him. 

“F-Fuck, Paul. I’m gonna-”

“…not gonna stop until you cum.” He pressed his tongue harder against my folds, knowing now that I was close. I gripped the sheets beneath, twisting them so hard that the fitted sheet popped off the corner of his mattress.

My hips buck involuntarily and he uses his hands to press them back down, holding me there as he continues to thrust his fingers into me, his tongue pressing against my clit. 

Paul Lahote was not a selfish lover. There had been many nights where he just satisfied myself and asked for nothing in return, he claimed that watching me cum from his tongue or fingers was satisfying enough. It added to his overinflated ego. 

As I clench around his fingers, I have to cover my mouth to suppress the moans trying to escape, knowing his dad was probably asleep just down the hall.

“That’s it, babygirl. Cum for me.” he goaded, lapping up anything that he could.

Paul looked up at me from between my legs as I tried to catch my breath, my heart fluttering with ecstasy. He gives me some time as he reaches over into his nightstand, opening the drawer that I know he stores his condoms in and plucking one out.

He readies himself before settling back in between my legs, placing a chaste kiss to my lips. I can feel his length against my pelvic bone, the weight of it made me giddy, “ready?” he asks, stroking the hair out of my face. I nod, leaning up to kiss him again. He indulges in me as he lines himself up with my entrance, thrusting in halfway causing me to gasp against his lips. He uses that to slip his tongue in my mouth, pulling his hips back before thrusting in again. No matter how many times we’ve been in this position, it feels like the first time. His size was definitely something to gloat about.

Paul doesn't bother taking his time knowing I’ve cum already, this is for him. I rock my hips with the rhythm he's set, our hips meeting each other in synchronised efforts. He quietly grunts as he chases his own release, my fingers dig into his back as I can feel the pressure building in my core again. I clench around him and he groans into my mouth. Fucking me with vigor as pushes himself over the edge, thrusting into me until he bottoms out. I can feel him twitching inside of me as he leans his forehead down on mine, whispering, “my girl.”

I press my lips to his and smile, he sure knows how to make a girl feel special. His ‘process’ certainly works, though I would never tell him that. 

He rolls off of me and heads to the bathroom attached to his room, taking care of cleaning up himself. I moved into a sitting position and checked my phone, making sure I had no SOS texts from Delta. The tan boy comes out with a wet washcloth and meticulously cleans up the mess he made between my thighs before tossing it in his laundry bin at the foot of his bed. 

Paul climbed back into bed, pulling me with him so that I was laying against his chest. The first time we had sex I left right after that was part of the deal, we’ve somehow progressed into having late night pillow talks until the alarm I have set for six am sounds, signalling for me to leave. Though we usually talk about everything and nothing all at the same time, there's one thing I’ve never told him. The one thing that made me look at him as a sort of stress reliever in the first place.

“Can I tell you something that's kind of a secret?” I ask moving to rest my chin on his chest, looking up at him as our slick bodies stuck together.

“Mhm.” Paul nods, tucking my hair behind my ear on one side.

“My mom has cancer.” His hand halts at my words, and I add, “Stage four.”

“Since when?” The confusion on his face was warranted.

“A year ago.” I mumble quietly. It's a topic of conversation that I don't think i’ll ever be comfortable with. “They said it was progressing slowly, but she’s been getting worse everyday.”

“The family thing.”

“Yeah,” I confirmed.

“I’m sorry, Sask.”

“Don’t be. It is what it is and nothing anyone says or does is going to change it.” I say, turning onto my back as my phone lights up with the one message I didn’t want tonight.

SOS - Delta

I groan as I sit up, grabbing his hoodie from earlier in the day and my sleep shorts and quickly throwing them on as he watches intently, “ I gotta go. Try not to start any fights tomorrow, you’re my only excuse to not be home at the moment.” 

That was the last thing I said to Paul Lahote. He never showed up the next day, or the day after. It was three weeks before anyone saw him, and when they did, he was glued to Sam Uley's side. Another one gone. Though this one was disappointing.

Winter break came and went, so did my mom's health. 

She died during the first week back at school. My sister, Delta, was handling it surprisingly well for a twelve year old. I wish I could say the same about my dad, he wasn’t home much, and when he was, he was in a bottle. As if he didn’t have any more responsibility within this family, maybe it was the guilt of cheating on his dying wife. I hoped that’s what it was at least.

And through it all, the one person who could help me escape reality was nowhere to be seen or heard.

[suuilee]

for me, ian was:

saying goodbye to my parents at the airport.

reassuring them that a category 2 wasn't the end of the world. it was holding up a shutter while my brother drilled in the next. buying just enough water, and cooking just enough food. arguing with him two days before landfall whether to stay or go, for a storm shifted to a monster.

taking down the first room i've gotten to decorate since losing our childhood home.

deciding what i needed to leave behind; "just in case".

making the judgement call to not evacuate.

what they don't tell you about that part is: many, many people had no choice.

our highways cornered us before we even knew what was overhead. later, we found out if we had fled, we would have been an eventual rescue in the middle of central florida, with no way home.

no one really prepares you for landfall.

i can't count on my fingers; the amount of times people would tell me we were overreacting. that this wouldn't be "the big one".

ian was going to bed on a tuesday, believing we would wake up to a cat 3 on wednesday.

we lost power on a wednesday morning, our cell towers went down shortly after. we had no idea what was coming. a phone call from my mom broke through. my parents don't cry, and i don't think they have ever sobbed harder. carrying their guilt of not being there with us. thinking they left us behind, almost felt worse than being told something we never anticipated—

—category 4, but you might as well call it a five; unless you’re an insurance company. 

nervous laughter at waffle house closing; jim cantore right next door. i didn't think those stories were real. being a spectacle to the world is like being in the eye itself. i don't wish that on anyone.

intensifying overnight, ian was destined to hit us at at exactly 2 pm, with not one eye wall, but two.

dropping the call meant sitting in the dark, which meant waiting, which meant playing a board game; distracting us from the inevitable.

"sorry" took on a whole new meaning.

my dad once said: better to have it and not need it, than to need it, and not have it.

the winds whistling into the 100s made us thankful for the shutter we agonized over. did you know that there’s a difference between a whistle versus the sound of a train? dead silence is the opposite of safety. tornadoes have always scared me.

i found out purgatory is equivalent to 14 hours; 30, if you count the power outage and contaminated water. longer, if you count crying over friends who you didn’t know were safe, hurt, or dead.

i don't like calling us lucky.

it's an ugly truth, and an uncomfortable one.

there isn't any relief in saying we were lucky, because what about the people who got the direct hit?

in fort myers, where the beach no longer exists? in sanibel, where their only way out was severed in half? inland, where they thought they were out of the cone's way? those who fled from tampa to further south, where they were told they would be safer?

why are we forgetting cuba?

a last-minute shift doesn’t mean a last-minute celebration.

the very people in the midst of tragedy, who social media is condemning. there isn’t a joke that can be made to remove that bitter taste.

somehow, the whole country knows better.

what they would do in our position. how to leave. it’s easy, if you try hard enough. why would anyone want to live in the south? you knew this would happen. it's your fault for staying.

what they don't teach you is empathy. both in definition, and in practice. i wish i hadn't looked at my phone.

i'm glad i did.

my brother and i watched ian high-tail out of our area.

he was, and is, the anchor to my drifting ship. never would i have thought we would have to play out the act of putting eachother's lives in eachother’s hands. 

i hope to do the same for others. they don’t tell you about the survivor’s guilt. i guess that's something you learn on your own; but i’m not alone.

we will heal. we will cry. we will recover. we will make it.

that may be easier said than done.

baby steps are better than none.

[doctorstethoscope]

The Shirt || A. Hotchner x Fem Reader

Hi besties, here is some smut for your Tuesday evening! No real reason I just had a rough day at work and wanted to write something self-indulgent. 

18+ CONTENT AHEAD MINORS DNI 

contains: sir/daddy kink, thigh riding, dom aaron, spanking, degradation, oral (f receiving) penetrative sex

wordcount: 2.7k

Aaron was beginning to wonder if he needed to brush up and take a profiling course. You’d been sitting across from him in his office, stabbing and picking at your salad for the better part of the last twenty minutes, and he still couldn’t figure out what was wrong. 

You couldn’t be mad at him, he figured, or else you wouldn’t have joined him for lunch. You’d been joking around with everyone in the bullpen all morning, so no problems there. Maybe it was something with your parents? He knew your mother had called a couple weeks ago and gotten on your nerves, but you’d seemed to have moved past that. He was at a total loss. 

“Did you sleep okay?” He tried, knowing full well that you had. He practically had to pull you out of bed this morning. 

“Yeah, I did,” you looked up from your salad and smiled at him. 

So she’s definitely not mad at me, Aaron thought to himself. “You feeling okay?” He asked. 

“Yeah, baby. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”  You shook your head, looking back down at the lettuce you were meticulously poking. 

“Whatever it is, it’s clearly not nothing,” he chuckled. “You’ve hardly touched your lunch and you can barely look me in the eye.” 

“We can talk about it later, Aaron.” You told him. 

“Oh, so now there is something to talk about!” He said, victorious. “Spill.” 

“You really don’t want to know.” You warned, and he reached across the table to take your hand in his. 

“Of course I do.” He tells you, looking you in the eye and trading his previous mirth for a look of concern. 

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks before you even spoke. “You look really, really good today.” You confessed lowly. 

“Oh?” Aaron asked, confused. 

“And I can’t focus, because all I can think about is crawling under that desk and pulling down your fly and--”

“Naughty girl,” Aaron cooed, and you laughed. 

“I tried to warn you.” you said, looking down at your food again, embarrassed. 

“That you did.” He agreed with a smirk on his face. 

“You don’t have to look so pleased about it, you know.” You rolled your eyes at him, and he stepped out of his chair, moving to the other side of the desk to tilt your chin up and kiss you. 

“I’m smiling,” he whispered against your lips before kissing you again, “because I’m thinking of everything I’m going to do to you the minute we cross the threshold tonight.” He leaves your lips to plant a kiss on your jawline and you’re standing up and throwing your arms around him in an instant, grateful for his closed blinds. He indulges you for another moment, although you're certain it’s only to get you more hot and bothered, before separating his mouth from you and giving your ass a quick slap. 

“Now, go back to your desk and try to behave, and we’ll see what kind of fun you’ve earned when we get home.” He whispered in your ear and you shuttered. 

“Yes sir,” you whispered back, not daring to look him in the eye for fear that your knees would buckle. 

The anticipation for the rest of the day was torture, for both you and Aaron. But he could at least have the good grace not to hide it so well. You tried not to look like you were rushing out of the office, but in truth you didn’t know how much longer you could be patient for. You silently thanked whatever God was out there that Jack had taken the bus home with a friend for a sleepover this afternoon as you slipped into the passenger’s seat of Aaron’s SUV for the ride home, anticipation building even further in your stomach. Aaron wrapped an arm behind your seat to pull out of the parking lot, and you watched him out of the corner of your eye. He caught you, and smirked, moving his hand to land on your thigh, pulling you towards him and lighting your skin on fire, even through the material of your dress pants. 

“Aaron,” you mumbled, but he cut you off. 

“Ah, ah. You’ve been such a good girl all afternoon. Don’t spoil it now.” 

You let out an almost imperceptible whimper at his words, but willed yourself to be quiet, worrying your bottom lip against your teeth as Aaron traced patterns into your thigh with his long fingers. Goddamn tease.

He’s silent for the whole drive, letting the consistent motion of his index finger against your thigh do all the talking. You’re breathing so heavily you’re sure he can hear you, but you don’t dare make a sound. By the time Aaron parks the car at home you’re practically buzzing with excitement. He unbuckles his seatbelt, and leans across you to undo yours. 

“We are going to have so much fun this evening,” He whispered before kissing you breathless. You brought your hands to either side of his face, letting him trace his tongue over your teeth before he pulled away. You saw your lipstick smudged on the corner of his mouth and smiled. 

 “For the sake of public decency, we should probably take this inside.” Aaron says, and you open your car door, leaving your purse and his briefcase in the car. He follows you, snaking an arm around you to open the front door for you and let you in first. The door is shut by the weight of your body slamming against it once you are both inside, Aaron not even bothering to flick a light switch before he attached his lips to your neck, nipping and sucking in a way that made your toes curl. 

“I’ve been thinking about taking you all afternoon,” Aaron confessed into your collarbone, moving his hand to unbutton your trousers. “Thinking about how pretty you are going to sound screaming my name when I make you cum.” 

You threw your head back against the door. “Aaron,” you moaned out, working with him to shove your pants down your legs as you kicked your heels off and across the room. 

“Exactly. It’ll be just like that, but louder.” He teased you, pressing a quick peck to your cheek. He slotted his knee in between your legs once your pants were discarded, already able to feel how wet you were against him. 

“Oh, fuck,” you moaned out, pushing his suit off his shoulders and digging your nails into his back through his shirt. 

“Darling, you’re practically ready for me and I’ve barely even touched you. What did it for you? What was it that made you so needy that you were ready to crawl underneath my desk and take my cock into your mouth, feet away from all of our coworkers?” 

You bucked against his thigh as he talked, and he smirked, bringing a hand to rest against your cheek. He knew exactly what he was doing, and you loved and hated him for it in equal measure. “Y-your shirt.” you gasped out.

“My shirt?” He asked, genuinely confused. It was a regular button up shirt, the same type he always wore under his suits. 

“It’s tight.” You stammered out. “And you’re not wearing an undershirt.” 

“Neither are you,” he countered, pulling your own shirt over your head and leaving you in your bra and panties. 

Despite the fact that you were already panting, practically naked, and all but riding his thigh in the doorway of your apartment, you felt a twinge of embarrassment admitting the next part. “I could see your pecs through your shirt. I was thinking about kissing my way down your chest and then sucking you off.” You admitted.

“Such a dirty little whore,” He smirked, and you let the ghost of a smile pass through your face. He reaches behind you to unclasp your bra, and then begins to kiss down your chest, along your ribcage, and in between your breast. You’re sure he’s going to give you mind blowing orgasms that make you forget about all this teasing, but you will yourself to remember if only so you can pay him back. He’s kissed all the way down to your belly button before he picks you up by the thighs and carries you to the bedroom. You wrap your arms around him and take the opportunity to kiss up the column of his neck, pulling his earlobe between your teeth gently before he lays you against the mattress.

He undresses quickly and takes a moment to look at you, cheeks flushed and hair spread over the pillows, chest heaving up and down with the weight of your arousal, and you’re tempted to whine, but you look into his eyes and know that he’s not doing it to tease you-- he’s adoring you. He’s committing every goosebump and every dimple and every beauty mark to memory, because he loves you. You smile. 

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” he whispers against the skin of your breast, “That you can’t walk. You can’t talk. You’ll just be stuck here, blissed out and recovering all weekend. Does that sound good?”

“Yes sir,” you breathe out, and he gets to work. 

He sucks your nipple in between his teeth and immediately your hips buck up off of the mattress. Without abandoning his task, he moves a hand to pin your hips down, but that doesn’t stop you from blindly searching for friction. You were getting desperate, at this point. The hours between lunch and leaving the office had been foreplay all their own, and everything that had happened since you left the office had only intensified your need. He laved your other nipple against his teeth and moved his hand toward your slit, just barely tracing his way up to your clit. 

“You’re so needy. All for me.” He whispered. 

“All for you,” you confirmed breathlessly. 

“What am I going to have to do to keep you satisfied at work all day?” he asked, rubbing against your clit slowly, enjoying the pinch of your brow as you attempted to grind down on his hand. “Should I buy a special vibrator I can leave inside you while we work?” He asked, plunging a finger into you and you cry out. “Should I give you an orgasm right there at your desk, in front of the whole team, while I watch you from my office? Would that keep my little slut satisfied?” He asked, but true to his word you can barely speak. “Should we get you a little plug, angel?” He inquires as he sticks another finger in you. “Keep you good and stretched all day so you’re ready for me when we get home?” He teased you further, pumping his fingers in and out of you. “No, I’m not going to do that. You know why?” He asked, and you knew that this question wasn’t rhetorical. 

“Why?” You gasped out.

“Because,” he starts, inching his way down the mattress to plant a kiss on your hip bone, “I’m possessive, and I like that I’m the only person who can make you feel this good. No one knows your body like I do. No one can bring you to the edge like I do. Isn’t that right?” He asked, now face to face with your pussy and licking his lips in anticipation 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Good girl,” he whispers, and replaces his fingers with his tongue in an instant. 

“Fuck!” you scream in pleasure as he drinks from you like a man lost in the desert. You’re certain your eyes roll into the back of your head, and you’re reduced to one continuous drawn out moan as Aaron laps at you greedily for what could have been seconds or hours. Your thighs are shaking, and you feel so good you’re practically drooling. 

“Aar-- fuck, Aaron. If you keep this up I’m going to cum without you.” You warn him urgently. 

You feel his smirk against you before he responds. “I want you to cum, angel. Cum for daddy.” 

The new name does you in-- the rubber band snaps inside of you and you're bucking wildly against him as pleasure courses through you over and over and over again. “Fuck, thank you daddy. Thank you, thank you thank you,” you become a litany of gratitude, unable to form any other thought until you collapse against the mattress, chest heaving. Aaron sidles up against you, kissing you delicately and allowing you a moment to catch your breath.

“Did it live up to the fantasy?” Aaron asked once your breathing evened out. 

“Baby, in my fantasy, you were the one getting off.” You reminded him.

“Details,” he shrugged, kissing your shoulder. You smiled over at him. He was fully prepared to call it here, after giving you one of the best orgasms of your life and getting nothing in return, but you wouldn’t have it. You rolled over, straddling his thighs. “That particular detail is very important to me,” you countered, leaning down across his chest to suck at the base of his neck. He’d be able to cover the purple mark with the collar of his shirt, but you’d know, and that was enough. You start rolling your hips against him, and you feel the groan reverberate in his chest before you hear it. 

“Use me, sir. I’m ready. Use me,” you whisper in his ear, and he deftly maneuvers to enter you. You gasp, still sensitive from your first orgasm but overwhelmed with pleasure. He starts canting his hips up into you, and you get into a comfortable position, satisfied to meet him gently thrust for thrust. 

“You know, you’re lucky I didn’t tease you more after everything you put me through tonight,” you tell him, and he lets out a growl before flipping the two of you over. 

“Mouthy little brat,” he chastises you before lifting one of your thighs over his shoulder so he can drill even further into you. The change in angle is incredible and you’re crying out in moments. 

“I’m gonna cum again. Are you close?” You gasp out, and he turns his head to press a kiss against your leg. 

“Go ahead, doll. I’m right behind you,” he whispers tenderly, and you come undone, your second orgasm somehow even more powerful than the first. True to his word, Aaron comes just after you do, and you both collapse against the mattress and take a moment to catch your breath.

“You did so good, sweetheart. Was that good for you?’ Aaron asked, propping himself up on an elbow and brushing a piece of hair off of your forehead with his free hand. 

“Do you really have to ask?” 

“Of course I do,” he said, looking you in the eye so you knew you weren’t getting out of giving him an answer. 

“It was amazing, hon. You know I would tell you if you pushed too far.” You answer the question you knew he was really asking.

He smiled and leaned in to give you a quick kiss before rolling off of the mattress and padding into the bathroom, returning with a damp washcloth. 

“Alright, sweet girl. Time to clean you up.” He said, climbing back up on the mattress and in between your legs to clean you reverently. “Are you sore? Does anything hurt?” 

You gave him a tired smile. “No more than usual. A good night’s sleep and a fresh bagel from the place down the street in the morning will make everything all better, I think.” 

“For you, anything. Every bagel in Virginia.” He smirked, getting up to dispose of the washcloth. 

You followed him, going into the bathroom to brush your teeth and pee. After a few moments, you’re both back in bed with all the lights off, wrapped up in each other like nothing exists outside of the bed you both shared. True to his promise, Aaron went out and got you both bagels the next morning, and you relaxed the morning away, watching TV and snuggling in bed until it was time to pick up Jack. 

And if Aaron forgot his undershirt more frequently, he’d pretend it was an accident.