#but this is my home and has been for nearly 12 years lol

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

honestly kinda funny to hear people on here b like 'that's it I'm LEAVING tumblr because of the whole ai thing' and like look I respect ur decision but if u think I'm not gonna be on this hellsite at the very end scrabbling to add my thoughts in the tags then u really don't know me at all lol

[hazelfoureyes]

A Doe in Fall (part 7)

⟢HumanAlastor x FemaleBurlesquerReader - A Doe in Fall

Part 1 - Pretty in Red smut💦 Part 2 - Liar smut💦 Part 3 - A Tragedy smut💦 Part 4 - Enough Part 5 - Too Much Part 6 - Learning smut💦 Part 7 - Recognition smut💦 Part 8 - Trust sexual 🥵 Part 9 - Shiny Things Part 10 - Good Deeds Part 11 - Caught Part 12 - Eddie Part 13 - The Release Part 14 - Someone like her smutty💦

Part 7 Recognition

It was time to start again. Alastor couldn't forget what his mother had wanted, even if she didn't ask it of him directly. And while he finds his comfort again in killing, Detective Brady finds a lead.

「Warnings/Promises: Human Alastor x Fem Burlesquer reader, smut, reader's thighs as ear muffs, referencing cruel racists in the early 20th century south, reference to marital violence, pussy eaten, p in v sex, no creampie BOO, bad dancing, Alastor's southern accent, Alastor's mother, gossip, murder, greed , two idiots pretending they aren't madly in love, poor family planning, lots of 1920's slang with notes for your ease」

I think I fixed the broken tag list!

....it's been over a month. Here's nearly 9000 words of our favorite idiots. I feel weird labeling this smut now as...we are...kinda past the smut point and just making sweet sweet love. lol ugh gross. thank you to everyone whose offered help, donated, and shared the word about my mom! It’s been an immense help and has made her a little emotional (in a good way) <Florida stole my moms teeth— explanation and donation link> unrelated, anyone want some RadioDust?

Minors…. Minors. My inbox counts as interacting when you’re literally in there requesting smut. I know your bio has no age but baby honey darling I can tell by your writing. 🔞 Do Not Interact 🏠🚗

A development he knew was coming even if no one else believed him. A drug addict with debts to the local crime syndicates disappearing was neither suspicious nor a mystery. Everyone was confident it was obvious Tommy was at the bottom of Lake Pontchartrain or halfway to California.

But not to him, not for Detective Brady. He had been on the beat for the better part of a year, convinced there was a connection between some of the disappearances in town.

No one wanted to hear it though, most people didn’t even care the people were missing. Only the occasional wife, concerned how she would keep a roof over her head and food in her kid’s bellies with the man of the house gone. But other than that, no tears or chest beating for the missing men and women.

Which made him confident there were countless more unreported cases. Just because no one missed them, a crime is a crime.

But, no bodies, no blood, no crime scenes… he looked like he had lost the fucking plot to his colleagues.

The city didn’t want the bad press, not to mention the fact there was no actual crime to be reported. Someone up and left down? Okay, he was a wife beater? Probably left with his mistress. The cruel den mother of the home for unwanted kids? Her assistant takes the lead and she moves onto a new town to menace. Probably running from the people angry with her.

But he finally had something. Tommy was pimping out dancers, and even laid hands on one. Surely there was a man looking for revenge for that. Can’t knock around a man’s woman and have it go unanswered.

So he tried again to find the woman whose only name he knew was a moniker. Autumn Hind.

Every time Brady came to the theater, another excuse. You left early. You were on the roof smoking—- oh, you slipped out the back. Weekends were your off days, so that was useless.

“You’re obsessed.” Detective Freeman threw an eraser he’d picked off his pencil at Brady. He had seen the man devolve slowly over the past couple months.

“Thanks.” Brady was staring at his notes.

“Not a compliment, Kenny. Shit happens, people leave town. You’re acting like a handful of no shows are some conspiracy.” Freeman came to stand behind Brady, leaning over to read his notes, “How can you even read that chicken scratch?”

He clapped the notebook shut, “Every report was a person less than liked. What are the chances they all leave town in the middle of the night, last seen in the same general area?”

Freeman patted his shoulder, “Did you just ask me why a bunch of assholes,” he stood up and made a show of stretching out tired muscles, “who liked illegal hooch* and jazz with plenty of enemies disappeared?” (*booze)

Brady slapped his desk, “There! You said it! They had enemies. But what— what if they had one enemy in common. A bar manager or — or a,” he was still looking for that link.

“Kenny, the boogeyman isn’t roaming New Orleans killing people. If the higher ups don’t care, if the families don’t care, it doesn’t matter. Let it go.”

The sleep deprived detective sunk into his wooden chair, swiveling side to side anxiously, “Tommy’s mother cares.”

“Yeah well mom’s are famously bad judges of character.” Slipping on his jacket, he shot a worried look to his partner, “Ya gonna go home? Janet’s probably a mess. You’ve been keeping late hours.”

“Nah not yet. I gotta get to the theater before this dame goes ghost on me again.”

“Yikes, still? You’ve been chasing her for a while.” He was making a slow inching walk to the door.

“It’d be easier if I had some support. I gotta do this on my own time.” A deep sigh, well past the point of hiding his frustration with his colleagues and bosses. Freeman looked over the wrinkled shirt and wilted tie, evidence of a man losing his grip.

“Welp, good luck buddy. Hope you get to the bottom of whatever this is.” He gestured at the messy desk and disheveled man, “See ya tomorrow.”

Brady waved without looking up. His eyes were staring into the black leather of his notepad. Tommy was the only recent assumed victim with any real suspicion. The woman whose husband disappeared after going to see a show? Only enemy to him was her, and she wasn’t strong enough to take him down. Deadend.

Most recent, nice young man from up north. Went out for a good time, hoping to catch a little lady for some stress relief, according to his coworkers. Never showed up at work the next day. No one had a bad word to say about the man. Making him an outlier, but still. He was young, strong, soft spoken. Not an enemy in sight but no family to worry, either. Deadend.

But Tommy. Someone cared he was gone. He was in the jazz game, the drug dens, the illegal drink business, and had a heavy hand. He was the perfect bad man, right?

He looked across his desk. Bad men. The occasional unsavory woman. Maybe it was just their time. They pissed off the wrong people.

Or the wrong person.

Someone who worked downtown, someone into dance and drink, someone with nights free to do his work. Maybe a hired gun? No, some of these people didn’t have the money for that.

Plus, one person and so many missing? That would be unheard of, it’d be some kind of record for Louisiana.

A record Brady could claim.

When he entered the theater James, the manager who replaced Tommy, noticeably rolled his eyes, getting in front of the man. “It’s real bad for business to have a cop in here all the damn time. Come on, if you’re not here for a raid then could you be a little less obvious.”

Brady looked past him, “What do you mean?”

“You’re— what is it? What can I do for you?”

“Here again for Miss Autumn. Care to give her real name yet?”

“No can do. Ain’t my business to tell. She’s finished her set, asked to head home early.” Brady turned and kicked a chair over, a large man approaching behind the manager before seeing the hip badge and backing up. “Nah we’re not doing that. We’ve told her you’ve come by but she’s a busy lady. Several gigs here and there. Enough, you’re harassing the dancers now.”

With a snap, Brady had his finger in the manager’s face, “Whatcha gonna do? Call the cops?”

“She. Isn’t. Here. What the fuck do you want? For me to tie her up and bring her to your station?”

That’d be ideal.

A month, nearly. Coming once or twice a week to try and speak to you but every time he missed you. He was going to snap if he heard one more time you were gone. Maybe everyone was in on it. Maybe you werenin the back right now laughing at him.

Brady scanned the room, “Where’s she live?”

“How the fuck would I know— please, leave.” James gestured to the doors.

He lifted his badge up, waving it at the patrons seated closest to him, “Yall know it’s still illegal to partake-,”

“Jesus! Enough!” The manager pushed him back, flashing an apologetic smile to the guests, “She moonlights Sundays at The Dime near the park on 5th, singing for a friend. That’s all I got about her life off stage. Will you fucking go?”

The detective perked up, “See, was that so hard?”

Finally, he could feel his fingers grasp the shifting shadow that was his only lead.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“I never said sorry.”

You turned your head, not expecting him to say something serious. Waiting, he didn’t add explanation. Sorry? What had he done… ran out of milk? Forgot to bring in the towels before it rained last week? A quick search of your memory yielded nothing.

“For what?”

He was staring off in front of him. “For putting you in danger before. In the park. I am sincerely sorry.”

You’d somehow almost forgotten. It’d been weeks. Every bad feeling that night had brought you had been carried away by good morning kisses and gentle words before sleep. Nearly every night was spent in his bed, Alastor dropping you off at your apartment when he went downtown for work. The incident in the park was a different lifetime already.

Had he really put you in danger? Or had you rushed into the danger of his hobby to feel closer to him?

“I put myself in that situation. You didn't throw me at that guy. I don’t do a damn thing I don’t want to do. You should have learned that by now.”

Tough act for a woman who jumped up to pour some man’s coffee.

You shook your head, you had to stop equating doting on Alastor as a show of weakness. It wasn’t. Even if admitting that meant admitting you were wrong.

But he had put you in danger’s way, he knew it. “No, you wouldn’t have ever been in that situation if it wasn’t for me.”

Your laughter bounced off the car windows, “Alastor, you met me getting choked to death by a strange man. People will always make dangerous situations for women to be in. Don’t act like you’re special.” A sly smile to ease his anxious heart. “I’d rather be in danger for you than just because I’m a woman. If it’s gonna happen anyway, might as well be worth something.”

His hand slipped onto your thigh, expression softening before his own smile grew again, “Don’t lie to my face so easily. I am very special, we can all agree.”

You looked around, the two of you alone in his car on a side street, “All? You know the trunk is still empty, right?”

“Oh, is that so? You’re quite dangerous yourself, I nearly forgot why we were here.” He patted his pockets to make sure he had what he needed. “When I give you a wave, back up to me, okay? Don’t leave the car. Just drive off if-,”

You kissed his cheek, “Shut it. Not a chance. Go give em hell, baby.”

Alastor crumpled against his steering wheel momentarily, your words cutting his heart open in a most wonderful way. He could never have predicted getting kisses before beginning his dark work. What had he done to deserve this? Perhaps proof someone in hell was in full support of his actions. Straightening his back and checking his hair and glasses in the mirror, he flashed you a smile before slipping out of the car.

When Alastor said he was ready to begin killing again, you were a mix of excited and scared. Excited for normalcy to return but scared of the dangers presented there in. You’d been dodging the blue eyed detective for a while already, and moving forward meant possibly making mistakes he could grab a hold of. Not mentioning the risk of someone hurting Alastor again…but for your part in everything, you and Alastor found a compromise.

A deal had been made. You’d stay in the car and bring it to him when he was done. He had asked you flee if something went wrong but you both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Crawling into the driver’s seat, you tried to remember what he had taught you. How to get it started up, how to make it go backwards. How to make it go, in general. You’d never driven a car. Well, not until Alastor insisted on teaching you. Driving up and down the long stretch of road he lived on, Alastor white knuckling the door handle as you jerked the car forward with every failed shift. You had started on his land, but he feared for his home's safety with you behind the wheel.

Your hands slipped down the steeling wheel, big and round. Your mother would’ve had a hoot had she seen you in the driver’s seat. Clearing your throat, you leaned into the back of the car and double checked the canvas was properly secured.

Another man tonight. The few times you’d both gone out for leisure, having preferred to spend time alone at home, Alastor had gotten gossip that piqued his interest.

You remembered the way the woman’s hand touched his arm when she leaned in. “You didn’t hear it from me but it’s best to avoid French Study on Thursdays. Real piece of work slipping something in drinks and robbing people.” He reported what she had said back to you. It’d panicked you, realizing you were closer to being on Alastor’s list than you’d realized.

“No, the issue isn’t the stealin’. It’s what he does with the people with,” he had been delicate as he said it, taking another long sip of whiskey, “other things of value. And the fact this man has no need to steal. It’s ridiculous! His family has been land ownin’ and well off for generations.” Alastor was always impassioned when discussing the things he hated, even when slipping into drunkenness. His accent came through when he had too much to drink, his real accent. The accent his mother had. “You robbed men for power balance, for their assumptions you were easy to manipulate to begin with. He? Uh, Him? He’s just a piece of shit. He thinks he’s better than everyone else. And no one would report him ‘cause his family name.”

His drink spilled a little, when you had offered to clean it he just slipped the button up off. He lost his usual classy air as the bottle emptied. Which you actually liked.

The benefits of drinking on his back porch was no need to worry about decorum. Music was softly spilling from the open window behind you, Alastor’s prized record cabinet spinning the newest presses.

“It’s like there’s a little bug under my skin,” he wiggled his fingers over his sternum, “It’s gonna dig into my bones if I don’t cut it out.”

Despite your own drunkenness, you nodded and followed along, “So, ya gonna kill ‘em?”

Alastor pouted, making you snort, “I don’t want to think about that right now.” He enunciated every word clearly in his practiced and professional voice.

You’d ended the evening playfully arguing the merits of prohibition on the jazz scene and watching Alastor dance around the wrap around porch. But the conversation hadn’t ended for him.

Little hints he was still focused on it popped up over the following week. Alastor randomly asking you how it felt to be drugged, did you wake up in pain? Embarrassed? Scared? You caught him staring at the greenhouse from the window one morning, lost in thought. Before he had finally said he wanted to go out again, you understanding what that meant, you’d seen him turning a dinner knife over and over in his hand impatiently.

And now here you were. In the car beside a park late Thursday, Alastor having done some scouting while you’d finished up early at the theater.

It took hours. Which was good, it meant Alastor wasn’t rushing. He liked the stalking aspect of killing, of watching someone from across a room knowing exactly how their night would end. And as that man whose name would soon be buried with him alternated smiling and barking orders at staff, Alastor felt his stomach flutter. Like watching a slab of meat slowly turn over the fire. The crueler he was, the worse he acted, the more Alastor found his fingers tapping on the bar with anticipation. Perfect. Damn yourself more. No fake smiles or double faces, no, people like him didn’t even try to play the game others were forced into. Born with money and land already theirs, they didn’t even know the rules.

But Alastor did. Alastor mastered them at the tender age of 14. When he realized his father’s features were a shield. His mother’s lessons on manners and charm his weapons. The first time he was in mixed company, when someone leaned in and whispered a cruel “prank” he had planned for a young dark skinned woman on the other side of the room, he understood. They pulled back and smiled at him, and he managed to muster one of his own. Just smile, they’d take it to mean whatever they wanted it to mean because they thought he was of the same mindset. They assumed it. Like so many other things people would assume about him as he grew.

When he told his mother the story after getting home, she shook her head. When he had asked her what he should have done, she set down her book.

“Well, I’d love to say you should have stood up for her. But I’d also like to have my son above ground.”

He asked her why she couldn’t have both.

“Sweetheart, we don’t usually get the choice to do either, let alone both.”

He offered a solution, after a moment of thinking, “I shoulda buried him first then.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if that was how the world worked?” She returned to her book, “If God just struck em down dead as soon as they hurt people. Better yet, before.”

It would be nice. It was nice. Because Alastor couldn’t wait for God to make the world his mother mentioned. He grinned ear to ear, gloves a second skin, as the man crawled backwards in the grass like an animal cornered. His heart was pounding in his ears. Where to cut first? The gut, his family fat and soft from the money they made off the labor of others? The pale neck of a man who never spent a day outside, instead indoors drugging strangers for sport? The chest covered in a fine cotton shirt he didn’t appreciate?

He wished he had many arms, as many as he could imagine, to slash and tear in tandem.

“What do you want? Money?” the animal asked him.

Alastor shook his head no. No, he didn’t want money.

“Do you know who I am?”

Alastor nodded. “That is precisely why I am here.”

Would he beg? Cry? Bargain? Experience told him it’d be the latter.

“Alright well, if you know who I am you know you’re making a mistake. Here.” The man opened his wallet and pulled out a few greenbacks, holding them out for Alastor. Alastor’s smile softened slightly, remembering tossing you a wallet once before.

He reached down with his left hand to take the money, but instead grabbed the man’s wrist. Swiftly, quicker than the man could process, he took the knife tucked into his belt behind his vest and stabbed the man in the stomach.

Staring into his eyes, he could see his own image looking back at him. Smiling.

Alastor grabbed your face with both wrists, hands bloody and one still holding the knife, and kissed you when he’d flagged you down.

“Is this for bringing the car around without running you over?” Your eyes glanced at the knife beside your head. He apologized, tossing it into the trunk.

“No, just happy to see you.” A mischievous grin that made your knees weak, his body shimmied closer until he was pressed against you, stealing another kiss. His arms stretched out to keep from bloodying you. Your fingers slid up his cheeks to return the kiss. “Thank you, dear.”

When you returned home, to his home, that is, you took to task bringing in the laundry he’d left on the line and putting away the things still on the counters from breakfast. You couldn’t resist going to the second floor room and looking down into the greenhouse. You couldn’t see perfectly well, but you could see nonetheless. Alastor didn’t want you in the greenhouse yet when he was working. He said it was the ugliest parts, the kind that would sure give you nightmares or rob you of your appetite.

Considerate. But, it only made you more curious. Would you be sick if you saw? Would you never eat meat again?

What would you do if you didn’t have any reaction at all?

You watched Alastor leave the greenhouse and lock the door behind him, so you hopped down the stairs to meet him in the hall beside the kitchen.

He’d been sweating, shirt open to reveal a thin white undershirt, and under his arm was a canvas roll. He lifted it up, “Tools. Rinsed them off but I’d like to dry them under the electric lights.” You grabbed the aprons from the wall hooks, Alastor letting you slip it over his head and tie it for him. “Why so tight?”

“I like the way it makes your waist look.” You’d seen him wear it when making biscuits. It made his shape so clear. It reminded you of watching water drip down his sides and roll off his hips in the shower.

He beamed, “I’m listening. What exactly do you like about my waist?” Sharp brows raised as that friendly tongue peeked out at you.

“Hush.” You cooed.

You stood on the long side of the table, him at the short, and took turns wiping the tools dry and checking the other’s work.

As he grabbed each one he would tell you what he used it for. Holding up the garden shears and explaining the point along the blade that had the strongest force. The advantage of curved pruning blades when used on a human body. His eyes were gleaming as he spoke, looking so lovingly at each item like it was a loyal pet.

He finally noticed you were grinning and chuckling softly, so he dropped his smile for dramatic effect, “What? What’s so funny?”

Shaking your head, you set down the next item for him to inspect, “Nothing. You’re just so cute when you’re talking about your passions. Your face lights up from the inside out.”

His breath hitched, smile actually lost as he processed every syllable. Your turn now to notice him staring as you looked up from your work. You recognized that look though, the wide eyes and serious lips. The air of the kitchen felt like the atmosphere before a thunderstorm rolled in.

Alastor set the tools back onto the canvas one by one and carried them to the counter. Before returning he picked up a small knife and set it near the edge of the table.

“Come here.” He nodded his head to space in front of him. The way he said it, that tone, made your heart begin to skip beats.

You slid between him and the table, Alastor lifting you up with a startling ease and setting you onto cool wood. Kicking your legs a little, you set nervous hands onto your lap. You wanted to touch him. To pull him by the apron straps into you.

“How do you always say the right things?” He closed the distance between you, one hand on your neck while his mouth came to your ear. “The things I didn’t know I wanted to hear?”

Swimming. Your mind was swimming. “Why is your idea of right the same as my idea of the truth?” You could feel the grin. Sighing into your ear, down your neck, his hands grabbed your hips and pulled you off the table enough to press your core into his clothed erection. Even through his pants and the apron, you could feel him clearly. When did he get so hard? You always wondered in those moments if it was the topic of discussion. Or the knives. Or your need. Biting your lip wasn’t a thought out action, but Alastor loved to see it. Rolling his hips into you in response.

“Wanna go upstairs?” you asked.

He shook his head, slipping off his glasses.

“Oh no, don’t even wanna see me?” You teased, but firm hands held you tighter to him in response.

“I won’t be letting you get far enough away from me for that to be a problem.”

When he leaned down and his lips so very gently pressed into yours, you could feel it. That missing something from before. It was in the air, it was rolling off of his body and dampening your senses. A desire, a drive that you felt that first time you had sex with him in that apartment above the theater. A motivation that was lacking last time in his bed.

His eyes were staring down into yours, waiting for your response. Eagerly you replied by chasing his mouth with yours. A chain of kisses as you tried to ever remember enjoying kissing another person as much as him.

Not a single soul. Why did it feel like this was all you ever needed? Eyes closed and lips on lips, hands in his hair, it felt like you’d been holding your breath all of your life. His body on yours was a gasp of air.

For Alastor, he couldn’t even think of breathing when around you. Let alone when your mouth was on him. Every time you touched him all he could think about was the word ‘affection’.

So when your tongue swiped up his lips, he moaned as he opened for you. Not because he was new to kissing someone with so much lust. He’d grown accustomed to the things you did to him. No, because you were a fever that had taken hold of him and your kiss the medicine that soothed his delirium.

He wondered, was that why people called it ‘love sick’?

“You really like me, don’t you?” He asked, nose sliding up your jaw.

An opportunity presented to you. A chance to spill over the edges.

You pushed it away, legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer.

“Something like that, yeah.”

His hands pressed flat against the table to balance the deep roll of his hips against you. One of your own fell behind you to keep from falling backwards, the other flung over his shoulder. When you moaned into his cheek he captured the sound with his mouth and slipped his tongue back into you.

You liked him. He’d known people to love and not like their partner an ounce, but the way you appreciated his quirks made his heart sing in its brittle cage. You never ceased to see him. The issue with always putting on a show is people tend to be disappointed when the actors become human again. But you never met his persona. He was knife wielding, bloodlusting Alastor from the first word. So when he was himself, you recognized him clearly. Because he was all you ever knew.

And you liked him

You appreciated him.

He dared to think maybe he could inspire more from you. A thought that made him twitch below the belt.

Closer. He needed you closer. He needed you so near to him that he’d never forget the feeling of being wanted. It’d be imprinted on his chest and his arms and his lips.

Impatient hands slipping up your sides, along your neck, down your chest. His greedy mouth suddenly understanding the same greed he once marveled at in your own kisses. Hot tongue sliding over yours, delving deeper into you with every return.

When his hands seemed to come to an agreement, they yanked you forward again. You’d fall off ass-first if he pulled you any further.

You watched with only slight horror has he grabbed the small knife and hiked up your dress in tandem. A gulp, worried the other shoe had finally dropped on a too-good situation.

“Are you particularly attached to these panties?” His eyes were looking up and over his glasses.

“No?” Did you really need panties, you wondered. Ever? Girdles we’re falling out of fashion perhaps you’d all be naked again soon enough. Maybe you two could start another Eden. A pomegranate’s juice the new red staining his skin.

Not even a tremble, his hands lifted each side and sliced them free.

“Oh?” You didn’t have a real question in mind when he tucked the panties into his back pocket. Just a need to express you saw it and didn’t understand it.

Alastor took your hand and pressed it against his hardened length, eyes locked onto yours with a sharpness to them. But when your hand took hold of him and squeezed, everything softened in his features. Funny how where one area grew stiff another melted.

He rolled his eyes closed as you finally undid his belt and pants. A struggle you didn’t see, Alastor trying to keep from pouncing on you like a horny virgin. He didn’t want to rut into you, he didn’t need the pleasure. He needed something he couldn’t see or explain. He just knew you held it behind your teeth.

When your skin pressed into his and you both moaned together he was sure you were the same. One person, split into insufficient parts. Finally lined up flush in place.

When you circled your hips against his aching cock, he wondered what you were chasing after. Was it the pleasure? He’d give it to you in spades.

He was on his knees with his face between your legs before you could close your thighs in surprise.

You needed both hands now to keep from falling back onto the table. “Alastor,” a whine.

He knew better than to talk with his mouth full, so he let two fingers work their way into you with shallow thrusts. Easing you open for him.

“Yes?” His eyes didn’t leave his fingers, glistening under the kitchen light. You hadn't thought much ahead past his name, once his fingers were in you and curling up to find your spongy and soft bundle of nerves your mind had gone empty.

“We can just fuck, if you’re horny.” You watched him watching himself.

“Where’s the fun in that?” His mouth returned to your mound, broad tongue forming a point and finding your clit.

A lazy moving tongue would be frustrating if not for his fingers punishing your g-spot. Consistency was key, and his hand was focused and skilled.

Suddenly you remembered the piano in the sitting room. That’s where you knew that movement from. That clearly practiced muscle memory.

Alastor felt confident everywhere but rarely did he feel comfortable. When your thighs came together and squeezed him at the ears, he felt positively cozy. Would you be so kind as to be his ear muffs come winter? He’d have to remember to ask when his mouth was free. How many cold nights he could now rest assured he would have warmth just a little dive of his head away.

Lowering his mouth, nose buried in your muff, he wriggled his tongue in with his fingers. Not enough, rarely was anything enough any more. He stilled his hand and prodded at your sensitive walls with that intrusive tongue, relishing the little movements you made in response. Taking his digits out entirely, he buried his wet muscle as deeply as he could reach.

The huffs of exhales you were making triggered a moan from him that you felt through your skin. His enjoyment was tripling your pleasure.

Goosebumps ran up your arms at the combine sensations of his moaning and prodding.

When his lips and tongue returned to their uneven teasing of your clit, three fingers now swiping past your inner spot with every thrust, your hands came to his head. Fingers slipping through his hair and gripping every time your body shook. Encouragement, the more you tugged the surer he was he was doing the right things.

And oh, he was. You said the right things but Alastor always seemed to act on them. Your senses lodged themselves between the even stroking of your g-spot and the unpredictable movements of his tongue. One kept the pressure rising as your orgasm climbed, the other pushed you along jolt by jolt.

Curious thing. That night in the park he didn’t have much reaction to your enjoyment, but he found himself not fully softening in his lap as he continued. Normally, unless still physically stimulated or the rare time you stirred something in him, he wasn’t very… battle ready.

But the feeling of you pulling him in by the head, fingers in his hair and thighs at his cheeks; this was different than the others. He was sure now it wasn’t just physical pleasure you wanted. His pride said it was more.

Dozens of times before— he truly was a rake in some aspects, though admittedly it was all in the pursuit of avoiding “sex”, as defined by most, not chasing it — he helped a date find release with his tongue. But it never did anything for him. They moaned and said his name and screamed. Which was lovely. Who doesn’t enjoy recognition?

When you said his name, it was heavier. It was material, it had mass and as its gravity began its pull he found his mind circling that sound. He was pleasing his darling, not placating. And it made him react in that unusually crass way.

He felt like an apex predator when killing, tearing open animals made for him to hunt. But you made him feel baser. Prey in your gentle bite.

As your orgasm mounted, you began tugging at his hair to pull him off. You didn’t need him to stop, but everything was suddenly too sensitive. It was alarming to feel your body rocking from overstimulation. A strident cry filled the kitchen as your back arched off the table. He didn’t let up, despite how much you thrashed under his mouth. Rolling pleasure, muscles electrified and shaking beyond your control.

You patted his head harshly, “Good, I’m good. Alas—tor! Fuck!”

Ah, he loved when you swore. It punctuated your otherwise preternatural aura with a touch of humanity.

He stood and leaned over your now reclining body. Your pussy still clenching and legs shaking as he admired his work. You admired his shape in his apron, his broad shoulders and sharp eyes. Caught between your legs like a lion in a mouse trap; he acted like he had no way free of you. His grin widened and he made a display out of licking each finger clean. Eyes never leaving yours.

You knew many men to squawk at going down on a woman. To balk at wearing an apron. To grimace at the suggestion of cooking a meal while their lady took a nice bath or enjoyed a coffee. Alastor seemed to not think twice about any of it. How nice it would be. To have a partner beside you, to not be the woman in the often referenced “behind every great man is a great woman.”

“Alastor, I want you.” You pulled him down by the neck and stole a kiss. When he began to stroke himself fully back to life you pressed that hand to his chest. “Not like that. Though I’m not declining the offer.”

His eyes saw something in yours. “Sweetheart, you have me. There is no part of me that isn’t possessed by you. I know we keep things relatively… tightlipped for safety but I’m your fella and you’re my gal.” His nose touched yours. “But if you want more, I’ll become more. I’ll break myself apart and make myself better.”

Your heart sank. Sitting up to command a little authority, a feat given you were sitting panty-less on a kitchen table, “Don’t you dare. I’ll always meet you where you are, got it? Don’t go… groping around in the darkness for me; trying to find what I need. I’ll always come to you. Because you’re more than enough as you are.”

A little cough to clear his tightening throat, “I’ve not had a day of darkness since you arrived.” A kiss to your forehead before a soft thumbpad wiped at the corner of your eye. “Did I make you sad?”

You wanted to say it. But not now, not like this. You didn’t want Alastor to connect love and sex. To think one was necessary for the other.

While you were coming to learn how lovely it was to pair the two together, it was a fact they were wholly independent things. And you couldn’t allow him to think they were a set.

“You’ve made me too happy. It’s absolutely terrifying.”

But Alastor had found your expressions of acceptance always tumbled the circle of Love to overlap with that of Sex. It was only in that mixed space did he find desire in pleasure.

A wicked smirk, “Let me pile on my affections and drown out your fears.” His hips rolled into you again, a surprising eagerness returned to his lap. “Can I continue?”

With a nod and a smile, “But not another word of change, buster.” You leaned back on your hand for support. Alastor was happy to return to your heat, lining up and sinking into you. An embrace like no other, one he found particularly earnest when with you.

Close. Finally. You began where he ended, a natural extension of who he was and who he could be. The things he could have. A relieved sigh he didn’t try to hide before he began moving, a moment when his tension could melt. You were both an unseasonably warm autumn day and the cool comforting shade of an unfamiliar tree. Both the heat and the relief.

He watched your body rock against the table, even fully dressed you managed to look more scandalous than any show he’d seen downtown. He was grateful he didn’t seek this comfort often in others, the way his mind melted made him feel vulnerable. He couldn’t think straight. And then you began to make those lovely little groans, high pitched and needy, and he was sure his soul was errant.

As his thrusts deepened, cock no longer kissing your cervix but ramming into you with good intentions, you dropped back as you lost the battle against his hips.

Alastor’s arms slid up our waist and pulled your arms towards him, “Too far, I can’t see your face.”

Your arms were slung over his shoulders as your back curved for him, “You don’t need to see my face.”

“Tsk, wrong.”

Your new favorite place was right in front of him, wherever his line of sight was you wanted to be in it. Nose to nose, heads tilting to recapture soft lips and softer moans.

Until the softness left, Alastor’s skin slapping against yours as he dragged those lovely sounds from you. He watched your eyes roll closed, mouth open as you moaned with the safety of the seclusion of a country home. A thought bubbled up, inspired by you.

“I want the neighbors to hear you.” That smile half cocked across his upsettingly handsome face. His hand slipped between you both to repeat the motions he learned before. Hard and fast, no choice but to raise your voice.

Your head fell back, clit still sensitive, “You don’t have neighbors!” A new moan hitting the walls.

“I do— just a few miles down the road, dear.” His mouth latched onto your neck but he didn’t suck like he wanted, he couldn’t bite. Your skin was your job, your body not his to mark. Suddenly he remembered, “Do you still have that make up? For your bruises?”

You couldn’t understand why he would bring that up while balls deep in you but you nodded.

“Would it work on your neck?” He nipped lightly.

It clicked, “Absolutely.”

You felt like a teenager again. When his tongue swiped over your soft flesh before he began to suck on the skin there you could feel the heat rising off your chest. You could feel him everywhere, and with the knowledge he wanted to hear you, you tossed your shame out of the kitchen window and relaxed into the pleasure.

As he moved up your neck he left little marks behind. There was no sense left you didn’t occupy. He could smell the soap and sweat of your skin, taste your cunt still on his tongue, your sights and sounds a decadence he couldn’t get used to. And the feeling of you… velvety walls, a feeling finer than silk as he slipped in and out of you. So incredibly hot on his most sensitive areas, pulling him back in with admirable strength.

He felt his orgasm ratcheting up but tried to hold back. He wanted more time to experience your ecstasy, to wallow in your openness. Even pressed skin to skin now wouldn’t satisfy that deep desire for this unique level of intimacy. So he wanted to enjoy it for as long as he had it.

But, he knew he should prepare. “I don’t want to dirty your dress.” A lust heavy voice penetrating the nap of your neck. He’d made a risky release before at your urging, something he often thought about when work got quiet. But he knew he needed to think clearer now.

“Then don’t.” A terrible reply but you wanted all of him, every drop of his hunger for you. “Keep the mess in me.”

“My dear,” he slowed his hips, autopilot keeping them moving at all, “I don’t think now is the time for,” you tightened around him to trip him up, which worked spectacularly. Alastor had take several seconds before continuing, “talks on family planning.”

A pang of nausea and fear, small and sharp in your abdomen. It wasn’t that you weren’t aware of biology, just that Alastor brought out your baser animal instincts, too. And before, when he came buried as deeply as he could reach, it felt like you’d actually completed some ritual. Bears hibernated, birds migrated, Alastor came in you.

You’d never let a man do that before Alastor. “I just want to… accept everything you are willing to give me.”

He bit his bottom lip to redirect some attention away from his now throbbing member, “And when you’re sure on me, I’ll always provide.”

A pout that he kissed, you accepted the terms. An argument could be made you were already very sure, but you were well aware how naive that sounded when you’d known each other for so little time. Had a coworker told you she’d met a guy and within three months was ready for… the consequences, you’d have laughed and asked if she was drunk or just stupid.

Alastor wanted to provide. But he knew you’d be the one with the raw end of the deal, he couldn’t risk coercing a decision in the heat of the moment. If your mind was half was addled as his with pleasure then you were in no state for big decisions.

Life changing decisions.

Decisions that filled empty homes.

Fuck, why wasn’t he a less considerate man?

When his kiss deepened, so did his ministrations. He was fully sheathed and so unwilling to draw back more than a couple inches you wondered if he had changed his mind. It felt like a man not wanting to stray too far from home. One hand on the small of your back, his other other on the back of your neck. When he pulled out he pressed his tongue further, only stopping the kiss when he came onto the little space of table between your thighs. Soft and swollen lips parted as his breaths ran ragged. A smile spread across your face as you watched his eyes open, witnessing a pleasured blow out of his pupils.

When he grabbed a kitchen towel and cleaned the table, you chuckled at his grimace. “See? My way is cleaner.”

He didn’t reply at first, taking the cloth and hovering over the sink before tossing it into his trash. “Only in the short term. We can finish up tomorrow with the tools?”

Your legs kicked again, not ready to slide off, “Mm, it’ll be easier in the daylight.”

“Instead,” he zipped his pants but removed the belt and set it on the counter, “Let’s get zozzled* and sway around the sitting room? Crash where we land.” (*drunk)

“I’ll pour if you get the music on.”

He turned to leave but paused, “No, I’ll handle the drinks. You always have too heavy of a hand.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining last time…”

“I’m not sure I remembered I was at home and not at a drum* last time…,” He uncorked the label-less whiskey, grabbing two glasses with one hand. “Didn’t wanna insult the pretty waitress.” (*speakeasy)

Fair. You weren’t much for drinking and always underestimated the strength of illegal hooch. Some were weak and some could kill you. But fancy Alastor had connections with the kind of people no one dared to risk harm to, so he always had the most trustworthy goods.

Good music, great whiskey, and even better company. You thanked him for being safe while working, he praised your ability to learn new skills so quickly. After a few drinks he pushed the coffee table against the wall and you drunkenly swayed around the room to something playing smooth and low. As much as you enjoyed your conversations, having your head tucked under his chin as neither of you said a word somehow filled in the little cracks of your heart more so than any talk. For him too. No tension after sex, no stress of how long he’d get to breathe before the next instance of prodding to do it again. He could smile and close his eyes and feel the room swing and sway in total safety.

A safety neither of you knew was being threatened from afar.

When you woke, Alastor was gone. A note on the table letting you know he’d run out to grab some things for breakfast. Telling you to relax and recover.

You put the furniture back, bringing the glasses to the kitchen and his belt to the bedroom.

Coffee and a slow perusal of his home. Intimate details you tried to not stare at when he was there. The rare photo of his mother, a woman you didn’t speak about, a conversation you didn’t need to have, but someone you knew existed fondly still in his life. A silent thank you to her.

No photos of a man to give thanks to you so you turned to the little curios and mementos. 

Little seashells and sand dollars, a small gator’s skull. Books, about anatomy and history. Novels about crime and love and mystery. Ticket stubs for films he’d seen. Little bits of his mother scattered in. A woman’s necklace. A chatelaine* with all of the accessories and tools. (*wikipedia page)

When you felt you’d spied enough, you crawled into his side of the bed and inhaled as deeply as you could. His pillow smelled like him. You let yourself sleep off the hangover surrounded by pieces of Alastor.

Pieces you couldn’t contain. Pieces left around town as a dick* hunted for his personal monster. (*a detective, but also, a dick, fuck this dude?)

Beth, or Betty as you called her, the friend you often sang for, was cleaning up from the previous night when Brady walked in. She tried to tell him they were closed, but he took a seat at the counter anyway.

“I’m looking for a singer named Autumn. She been around lately?”

She paused, knowing the name was tied to your work. This man didn’t know you. “Whose asking?”

“The city of New Orleans”, he set his badge on the counter top.

“Is she in some kinda trouble?”

“She the kinda dame to get into trouble?”

Beth laughed, “She doesn’t try to but men, liquor, and jazz tend to make it happen. She’s okay, right?”

He took a deep sigh, trying to blink away the exhaustion and remember he needed to be someone strangers trusted. Being honest hadn’t been working and being rough barely got him a lead. “Well I was hoping you’d know. Found out someone roughed her up a bit ago and just wanting to make sure she’s okay. But I don’t have her legal name, no address, nothing to track her down.”

Shaking her head, she leaned onto the counter, “What? Some egg* forget it’s just a show?” Brady shrugged. “I can’t say. She hasn’t been by in a couple weeks.” (*man)

He asked why. Feeling the deadend approaching.

“She was just doing me a favor. Once she got a guy she didn’t have much time.”

Fighting the urge to slam his fists against the wood and sling his notebook across the bar, Brady took slow breaths. Jaw clenched as he grabbed his pencil, “That is wonderful news. Hopefully a fit guy who can… keep her safe.”

Beth laughed a little, “I don’t know about that. He’s kind of a daisy*, but real kind.” (*a non-masculine man)

“Could I get a name? Or her address? Wanna follow up. See for myself that she’s doing well.”

She tapped the bar with two fingers and winked, “Ah no can do. Flatfoot* or not, I don’t tell men where to find sleeping ladies. But her fella is in radio though. I recognized his voice right away. Popular too, really ritzy air about him.” (*cop, detective)

As he left, he slapped the notebook against his palm over and over. When he stopped to take a second to congratulate himself something caught his eye. Across the street was a park he knew well. Following the block and turning, he could see the white and green awning of the cafe he’d seen you at before.

Had he been there? He hadn’t questioned why you were alone on such a nice day. But maybe you weren’t. Maybe you’d been playing him from the start.

Enough games.

When you took the stage that evening, a Friday show with a promising crowd, you felt like solid gold. Alastor would be there to pick you up in a few hours, you had every need met. And now you had the adoration of strangers to pump up your chest.

Until you passed your come-hither eyes over the crowd and a striking ocean blue pair knocked the wind out of you.

James was standing behind Brady, mouthing an apology. You missed a beat in your routine but forced your smile back. It took a second, to slide back into the actress you were when away from Alastor. Every time it got harder and harder to fall back into that role but you managed. His eyes never left your face, and you thanked God your heaving chest could be seen as fatigue and not the sheer panic that had taken ahold of your body.

When you were on the other side of the curtain you considered rushing out the side door, into the alley and down the street. But you couldn’t. You’d successfully brushed him off for so long but now that he had seen you, had made it clear he was there for you, you couldn’t flee. Innocent people don’t hide from cops.

Feet dragging, you saw some of the dancers standing around the dressing room door. “He’s out of his gourd if he thinks I’m changing with him in there.” One said loud enough to ensure Brady heard. When you entered the room he was sitting at your make up table, legs spread and your shoes in his hands.

“There she is!” standing, he extended the shoes to you, “Don’t stare like a deer in the lights. I’m sure you knew I was coming. Slip these on, we’re going for a ride.” He gave them a shake, “You can call your mac* from the station and let him know you’ll be late.” (*man)

˖  ݁𖥔.Summoning the Horny Little Deer Cult.𖥔 ݁ ˖

@cxrsedwxrlds , @nonetheartist , @tsunaki , @janchei ,  @moonmark98 , @hoebihoeshi , @pansexual-opera-house , @polytheatrix , @lorddiabigmommymilkers , @backinthefkingbuildingagain , @harley2223-blog  , @poinappel l , @midnightnoiserose , @spookieroz , @missmidorima a , @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @downbadforfictionalppl , @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx , @sleepylittledemon , @aether-th3-enby , @dontfuckbutimfab , @breathlessaura , @aperfectidiot , @certainlygay , @jth12 , @star-kujo-platinum @ivebeenthearchersstuff , @rubyninja1 , @simphornies

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[whoslai]

Off The Menu - Lee Heeseung (Chapter 1)

genre: angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, eventual smut!! (you’re responsible for what you consume, read at your own risk)

warnings: none?? reader has anxiety/social anxiety and a few insecurities here and here. major slice of life for you peeps 

send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged! thank you to all my new followers, you guys are amazing for supporting me. please interact and give me as much feedback as you’d like (don’t be an ass tho, no need to spread negativity.

not proof read, sorry for any typos in advance. 

word count: 3.3k 

link to series masterlist or whatever

next chapter

Chapter 1: “Hey, lol.”

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Fall wasn’t your favorite season. From the stress of studying for finals to worrying about flight tickets back home when winter rolled around, you were never the biggest fan of the autumn months. With the combination of your busy schedule and your failure to get a refill on your anxiety medication, you felt immensely overwhelmed. Another thing to note was how lonely it got; Your family was across the country. Going to school in California was a conscious decision of yours, but you didn’t consider how tiresome it’d get not experiencing the warm embrace of a loved one in your times of need. To even take a trip back home would take you nearly 2 days, and that was simply not a risk you were willing to take with how dingy your car was. 

Your Friday’s typically consisted of this: Breakfast at the café off campus, lectures from 9 am to 12 pm, lunch at 12:30 pm accompanied with a small break, occasional seminars for an hour or so, then you were done. You’d usually study for a little while, but there were no promises. Being a second year psych student had its pros and cons; Less free time throughout the weekdays but completely free weekends. Though the pros outweigh the cons, you could use a bit more time to yourself throughout the week. As you were far from home, you had to make completely new friends. The vibe in California was completely different. You spent the entirety of your first year in your dorm in online school due to your school’s strict precautions against the pandemic, so you’d be stripped of the chance of branching out. While you weren’t the only one who went through this, it was 10x harder for you to go back to normal; Social anxiety had been something you’d struggled with all your life. The fear you felt when in big crowds, when being assigned to group projects, even merely walking to your class on campus…really…sucked. Tasked with the responsibility of your own finances, health insurance was something you simply couldn’t afford. Therefore, you hadn’t been on your meds for God knows how long. But anyway, you wouldn’t stay on such a depressing topic. 

Moving on, you had the weekend to yourself. You’d finished your last lecture around 2 pm and made your way back to your dorm. Fortunately, your roommate hadn’t made it back from her classes, so you had the space all to yourself. You locked the door behind you and took a breath of fresh air.

“Finally.” You sighed to yourself, plopping down onto your bed. Shoes were thrown about and you laid in your bed, indulging in the feeling of relief. But, as expected, it was cut short almost immediately.

Multiple knocks were sounded upon the door. It was nobody but Ningning, your lab partner in Abnormal Psych Stats 2. She was a sweet girl, she truly was. However, she always found a way to be overbearing. But you appreciate her as she was the only reason you ever left your room.

You slowly but surely got up to open the door, greeted by Ningning with a big smile.

“Y/N, were you lying down?” She asked, leaning against the door frame.

“I was, but now I’m up. Come, come.” You told her, moving out of the way so she could come in.

She walked in, closing the door behind her and sat on your bed as you spruced up your desk.

You glanced over at her, noticing that she was biting her lip and she only ever did that when she was holding back from saying something.

“Oh God, what is it?” You groaned, knowing she was about to say something outlandish.

She smiled and sat up, “Okay, don’t be mad but I booked us two tickets at this restaurant over in Malibu. Yes, I know it’s a long drive BUT…it’s worth it. Please tell me you’ll come with me, pleaseeeee…”

You sighed, rubbing your jaw, “I can’t.” Her smile faded, turning into a frown, “I don’t have the funds for that. I just planned on grabbing a meal from the dining hall…I’m trying to save up for a plane ticket.”

She shook her head, “Don’t worry about the costs, I’ll pay, it’ll be my treat. I wasn’t in town on your birthday and I want to make up for my absence. As your best, and ONLY friend, it’s my job to treat you. So, what do you say?”

You sighed to yourself, again. You hadn’t planned on doing anything tonight. You really were looking forward to having some down time to just relax and catch up on some shows. You also weren’t the type to depend on someone to pay for your meal, but one time wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Alright. Fine. When?” You asked her, stacking papers atop of each other.

“Today, tonight, let’s leave before 6 pm since our reservation is at 8:00.” She said, “I figured we could stay the night? If we left by 6 and got there at 7:30 ish, we could check into our reservation and stay at a nearby hotel. It’d be nice to take a break and be on our own for a while.”

You nodded, ‘That sounds nice…but costly? Where’s all this money coming from, Ningning?” 

She smiled, “Let’s just say…my job is treating me well. Now, pack a bag, be ready by 5.” She hurried up and kissed your cheek as she made her way out of your room, closing the door behind you. 

So, a trip. A mini girls trip for a night. You were excited, actually. It’s been a while since you had a chance to take a break. You’ve never been to Malibu either. This should be fun.

Later on, you finished packing a small bag with a few essentials. You changed into an outfit you thought fit the Malibu vibe: A black halter top with beige flowy pants and matching back sandals. You clipped a mango-ish colored flower into your hair after you slicked it back into a ponytail and grabbed your bag. You touched yourself up a bit before walking out of your dorm and made your way down the hall. You knocked on Ningning’s dorm and waited for her to open it.

Once she did, she met you with a smile and walked out with her bag, locking the door behind her. “You look so cute, Y/N. We’re going to have so much fun, trust me.”

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You two soon made it to the restaurant with not a lot of time to spare as it was 8:00 on the dot. Ningning quickly found a parking spot and you both agreed to find a hotel after you ate. 

From the outside looking in, the restaurant was beautiful. It was right beside a beach with a beautiful view of the ocean; Moonshadows Malibu was its name, it truly was something you thought you’d never see in real life. As you two made your way inside, you were hit by the aroma of vanilla and solemn music, only adding to the overall dreamy vibe. A pretty lady at the front greeted you both with a wide smile. She held up two shell necklaces, “Would you ladies like a necklace?” Ningning looked at you before quickly nodding, holding her hands out to grab them. She gave you one as she slipped hers on her head and you followed after her, placing the necklace around your neck.

“We reserved a seat for two?” Ningning remarked towards the lady.

The girl nodded, “What’s the name?”

“Ning Yi Zhuo..” Nigning replied, nodding.

The girl nodded, “Okay, follow me.” She showed you both to the deck of the restaurant, seated outside right above the sand and beside the ocean. You were in awe at how beautiful the sunset was. Ningning thanked the girl as she placed down menus and told you both that your waiter would be over soon.

“It’s so pretty in Malibu…” You sighed, looking at the ocean.

“I grew up right next door to Malibu, actually. I always enjoyed coming here on vacation, such a nice place. Anyway,” She laughed, “What are you getting to drink? I brought my fake just in case…”

You smiled, shaking your head, “I don’t drink, Ningning. You’re always pressuring me to drink.”

She scoffed, “Peer pressure? I’d never!”

You rolled your eyes, “Sure. I’ll probably just get water, I’m trying to be healthier.”

“Aw, okay. I love that for you, but I’m still going to get a Pina Colada.” She sighed, pretending to jut her lip out at you.

You shook your head and looked down at your menu, suddenly feeling your heart dropping. The prices were high! The cheapest thing you saw was $20!

“Jesus, Ningning! These prices are literally so unrealistic.” You told her.

She shrugged, “You pay for the quality, not quantity. They honestly have some of the best food in Malibu, trust me. How about we both share an appetizer and then worry about the entrees later? Sounds good?”

“Okay, well, at least I'll pay for your gas. Deal?” You asked.

“Oh hell yeah, you can definitely pay for my gas.” She nodded to herself.

You closed your menu and took your phone out, capturing some photos of the ocean for later. You wanted to savor the moment. As the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the beach, the waves lapped gently against the shore. The sky was painted in shades of pink and orange, while the clouds seemed to catch fire with the last rays of daylight. A few seagulls flew overhead, their silhouettes dark against the vibrant sky. The air was filled with the salty scent of the sea and the distant sound of laughter and music. It was a moment of peace and beauty that seemed to suspend time, as if the world had paused to take in the breathtaking scene before it.

Only, your attention was stricken as you heard Ningning whisper something. You looked back at her and her eyes were wide and signaling to the side of you; A waiter. Your heart skipped a beat as he drew closer, his smile dazzling and his eyes sparkling. He was even more handsome up close, with strong, chiseled features and a confident demeanor. You felt a sudden burst of nervous energy, unsure of how to act in the presence of such beauty. His voice was smooth and charming as he greeted you both. You felt an immense struggle to keep your composure. It was clear that he had an effect on you, and you simply couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way.

“Evening, ladies…” The young man greeted you both, “Can I get you guys started with anything to drink?”

Ningning eagerly nodded, “You most certainly can…Y/N?” Hearing your name snapped you out of your mini trance and you looked at her in confusion. She widened her eyes at you, signaling for you to talk.

“I’ll just get some water for now.” You told him, clearing your throat. 

He nodded, “Water it is…” A small smile crept on his face as he glanced back up at you and playfully remarked, “But I’ve got a feeling you might want something a little stronger later on.”

 You couldn't help but feel a bit flustered by his comment, but you managed to laugh it off. "We'll see about that," you replied, trying to hide your growing attraction to him. Ningning, on the other hand, was not as subtle.

 "Oh, I think we definitely will," she said with a grin, winking at the waiter. You shot her a look, but she just shrugged innocently, “I’d like a Piña Colada, extra coconut.”

The waiter chuckled, clearly enjoying the attention. "I'll keep that in mind," he said before taking your orders and walking away. Ningning leaned in, a mischievous glint in her eye.

 "He's cute, isn't he?" she whispered.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't deny that she was right. "Yeah, he is," you admitted, feeling a flush rise to your cheeks.

“He was soooo flirting with you, Y/N.” She laughed, “It’s time you got some action, anyway. 19 and still a virgin? Unheard of.” You shook your head, trying to brush off her comment. But deep down, you couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to it. You couldn't wait to see what the rest of the night had in store.

As the night progressed, you and Ningning chatted about a multitude of topics. Life, college, boys, parties, homework, etc. You were glad you went out with her, it was just the breath of fresh air you had been needing these past few weeks. 

Oh, and of course, you’d stolen some glances at the waiter. When he brought back your drinks, he made sure to place yours down first even though Ningning was obviously positioned in front of your water. 

One thing he did that made his interest almost completely obvious was when he leaned down on the table to speak to you when you knew he could hear you just fine as he was merely a few inches away. You wouldn’t say you were flirting back. Although Ningning was urging you to do so, flirting wasn’t something you were familiar with. Why would a guy flirt with you of all people? Especially as your much prettier friend sat across from you. For all you knew, he simply could have wanted a nice tip. You wouldn’t entertain him much, you came to get a break from campus, not to find a fling.

Ningning turned her attention back to you when he walked away to retrieve you both some refills, “He wants you.”

You didn’t respond to her comment, choosing to turn your attention to the last sushi roll instead. You rinsed it down with the last morsel of your water, sighing internally when he came back. 

“One filet mignon for Ms. Lily,” He said, placing down your food, “And a scottish Salad for-”

“Lily?” Ningning laughed, confused at the name he referred to you as.

He looked up at her as he placed her food down, “Lily Flower, in your hair,” He glanced up at you, “It’s cute, by the way.”

You awkwardly nodded, “Thanks…”

He smiled and rubbed his hands together, “Well, I’ll be around. Call me if you guys need anything. I hope you enjoy your food.”

“Will do.” Ningning said, “One thing before you go…” He nodded in acknowledgment, licking his lips. “You single?”

The waiter chuckled, clearly amused by Ningning's boldness. "I am, actually," he replied, his eyes flickering over to you for a moment.

Ningning grinned. "Good to know," she said, winking at him. "We'll keep that in mind."

As he walked away, you couldn't help but feel a little jealous of your friend's flirtatiousness. But deep down, you knew that there was something between you and the waiter, something that went beyond just a passing attraction.

As you ate your meal, you found yourself stealing glances at him, meeting your eyes with his own whenever he walked by, feeling a rush of excitement every time he flashed you a smile. Finally, as the meal came to a close, he brought over the bill and once again flashed you a charming grin. "I hope you enjoyed everything," he said, his eyes sparkling. You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a little shy under his gaze. 

"It was great, thank you," you replied, trying to sound casual, knowing damn well that you were nearly shitting your pants under his intense gaze. 

He nodded, walking away to leave you both to the bill. Ningning shook her head, “If you don’t write your number down on this bill, I’m genuinely never taking you out ever again. This is a threat.”

You couldn't help but laugh at Ningning's threat, feeling a little embarrassed at how obvious your attraction to the waiter had been. But she was right, you knew that you couldn't let this opportunity slip away. As you saw the waiter returning to take the bill, you nervously scribbled down your phone number onto a small napkin, placing it beside the bill. You hoped that he wouldn't notice until you left as you didn’t want to make anything awkward. As he collected the bill, you tried to act casual, but your heart was racing with anticipation. You watched as he glanced down at the paper with your phone number on it, and you couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he interested in you too? Or was this just wishful thinking on your part?

“Thank you ladies, have a nice night.” He said as you both got up. Ningning nudged you to say something but you urged her out of the restaurant, wanting to abort immediately. However, just before you walked out of the door, you looked back at him once more. You saw that he tucked the paper into his pocket without a word, but then he glanced back at you with a small smile, and you felt a surge of hope. Maybe there was something there after all. 

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼　

You two made your way into town with the windows down, allowing the breeze to brush through as you listened to the radio. You pointed out a nearby hotel that looked nice, actually. Pool, multiple floors, adequate priced rooms. It wouldn’t hurt to stay for one night in a nice hotel, afterall, you only live once. 

Ningning found a parking spot and you helped her carry her bag in as she made her way to the front to pay for the room. She made small talk in the elevator but you truthfully found yourself checking your phone to see if he had texted. It was already late, nearing 1 am. Surely the restaurant wasn’t open this late. Maybe he only smiled at you out of courtesy, afterall, Ningning had left a nice tip.

As you entered the hotel room, you couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that you hadn't heard from the waiter. Maybe it was a mistake to put yourself out there like that, to give him your number so readily. Maybe he wasn't interested after all.

Ningning caught the look on your face and immediately knew what was going on. "Hey, don't worry about it," she said, giving you a comforting pat on the back. "Maybe he's just busy or something. You'll hear from him soon enough."

You nodded, trying to shake off your disappointment. "Yeah, you're right," you said, forcing a smile. "Let's just enjoy the night." Ningning nodded in agreement, and the two of you settled in for the night, enjoying the comfortable beds and the peace and quiet of the hotel room. 

But as you lay in bed, your mind kept wandering back to the waiter. Amidst all of the doubt you held within your mind, you couldn't help but wonder what he was doing, where he was, and if he was thinking about you too. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but you couldn't help but feel like there was something there, something that was worth pursuing. 

As you placed your phone down on the nightstand beside you, it vibrated. Your heart dropped, surely…a family member wasn’t texting you at 3 in the morning, right? You took a deep breath, glancing to your side to see Ningning asleep. You reached for your phone, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness as you saw the notification; An unsaved number. Your heart leapt in your chest as you opened the message, feeling a rush of relief and joy when you saw the text.

+1 424-936-2945: “Hey, lol.”

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authors note: i hope you guys liked this first part of my ongoing series. i was kinda writing outta my ass. i got this out sooner than i thought i would so, yeah! anyway, let me know how you guys liked it and feel free to send in any thoughts you have. i hope to write this series in you guyses vision, not my own. reblog, likes, and comments are all appreciated haha. lmk if u wanna be tagged in the next chapter.

@voidbeomgyu 

[eveandtheturtles]

Started with a Kiss Chapter 12: Forgiveness

Summary: Kara and Seth have a lot of catching up to do.

Pairing: Donnie x OC

Rating: T for siblings.

<<Previous All ChapterS Next>>

A/N: This chapter was also co-written with @singinghands Seth is also Kay's character and it has been a pleasure to have him here. Beta Read this time by Topazpearl on Discord who came to my aid in my time of need lol. As usual it can also be read on AO3. AO3 has also a little bonus content in the Notes! (sorry it took me ages to post).

Distracted by the game and the food, Seth didn’t notice how quickly the time went by. Too quickly. He planned to duck out of sight and surprise his sister, but her sudden appearance ruined it. Instead, it was him who jumped when an unfamiliar voice rang through the lair. As he stood up quickly he dropped his controller, ignoring the screen as his character veered off the track. 

Like Kara, he was just as surprised, though for different reasons. Part of him, irrationally, expected her to still look like she did when she'd left home. Thirteen years old and frozen in time. Obviously, that couldn't be the case, and he was silent for a moment, hands empty but still. His sister grew up. 

<Hi?> Seth finally managed once the freeze wore off, knowing that was hardly enough of a greeting or explanation for him being here.

Kara's eyes immediately switched to look at Cheryl. Her friend had enough decency to look apologetic as she signed <Sorry.>

Nevermind that. She could deal with Cheryl another time. 

With a few leaps she got to Seth, nearly tackling him, as she hugged him. There would be time for shame and guilt later. Right now her brother was there. And she had missed him. 

Stumbling back, Seth had to fight to keep his balance. There was no hesitation before he was hugging Kara back, his own eyes welled up seeing his sister again.

<You ass, you are so much taller now!> She grinned as she pulled back, taking a few steps backwards, ignoring the tears gathering in her eyes. 

Her complaint about his height got a bark of silent laughter shortly before Seth stuck his tongue out mockingly. <I am not, you just shrunk.>

She snorted, wiped her tears and lightly punched his side. <Ass.> She took a deep breath and smiled.

Light punch or not, Seth was still acting like it hurt. He watched Kara with mock pain on his face and a barely hidden amusement beneath it. <How could you say that, huh?> Not waiting for an answer he just shrugged it off with another short, silent laugh. He had missed this; the old habit of teasing was as easy to slip into as a forgotten jacket that still fit.

Despite Cheryl's explanations earlier, he still wanted to hear it from Kara too. <Everything okay?> Adding to that was a quick look around the (admittedly more homey than expected when he'd first heard about the lair) room.

Both siblings noticed Cheryl and Donnie trying to discreetly shoo Raph and Mikey out of the entertainment area to give them space. Cheryl smiled at the duo and gave them thumbs up. The two kind of needed to be alone for this.

<Yeah, I'm good,> Kara told Seth. <Do you wanna sit down? I need to know everything about you now.>

<Good. And yeah. This is a lot. I probably should.>

To Kara it was a relief he wanted to talk.She wouldn't be surprised that once the shock and excitement of meeting again wore off he would get angry at her. She fully expected that.

They sat down, and now the awkwardness set in. Without the distraction of video games, the fact of where they were and with whom was unavoidable now. Kara took a deep breath in, rubbing her hands over her legs, wondering what to say.

<Maybe then let's start with just…,> she wiggled her fingers trying to find the words, <are you here for long? Do you study in New York?>

<No, but it's semester break. I have a bit.> Not long, but hopefully enough to catch up. Though Seth doubted there would ever be enough time for that; so much had happened, both of them having missed years of the other's life.

Seth leaned forward a bit, getting comfortable before beginning to talk again. <Found a place kinda close to home, a couple hours out.> Far enough away that he had space and more of a heads up before their mom dropped in, but still close enough that he could get back home if he needed to.

<What about you guys? All, uh, all of you?>

Kara nodded. Right, the semester break. It was almost Christmas time. God, the time really got away from her. 

<You mean the turtles too?> She snorted. <They're okay. We are missing one at the moment.> She looked at the crowd that was trying hard to pretend they weren't interested in what was going on. She could see the orange bandana snapping back into Splinter’s room 

<Cheryl's fine, but she probably told you that.> She sent a sharp look at the dark blonde head poking out. It immediately disappeared as well. None of them were slick. <And I am okay, for now.> She gave him a brave smile, despite worry squeezing her stomach like a vice. <How much did she tell you?>

<Oh, enough.> He could guess what Kara might have been hinting toward, but it was always easier for both of them to default to teasing. The more serious parts of all this could wait, for both him and Kara to feel ready to talk about it. With that in mind, there was a spark of mischief lurking in Seth's eyes as he waited for her full attention again.

His attempt at a neutral-to-serious expression kept not quite getting there, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. <What's your fursona, sis?>

At first she thought he meant the whole situation with the mob and/or ex problems but one look at his face told her otherwise. 

She felt her face heating up. <I am not a furry!> She huffed and slapped his arm again with the back of her hand.

It got her another look of mock pain as Seth pretended to test the arm for injury. 

<You sure about that? Looks like it to me,> he teased further.

Kara gasped in faked offense and started poking his sides to tickle him in revenge.

Squirming away, Seth's sudden need to get out of Kara's reach had him unbalanced on the sofa. Suddenly he was on the floor, palms stinging from catching himself.<Weaknesses are a low blow!> 

<Suffer!> She grinned evilly. <I have the high ground, Anakin!>

Seth couldn't help his snort of laughter at that familiar line, deliberately looking her in the eyes to keep her guessing about his retaliation.

<You underestimate my power, Kar-bi Wan!> It was her only warning before her legs were under tickle attack.

She squeaked and kicked her legs, with one accidentally flinging at his head.

He tried to dodge, but Seth's realization came a hair too late; at least it wasn't a full kick, but the side of his head was going to feel that for a bit. <Still a kicker?> he teases, albeit weakly, the eye on that side watering.

Kara gasped this time in concern but snorted at his joke. <Are you okay?> She checked his head then reached one hand to him to help him up. 

<Will be. You lost your edge.> The offered help was welcomed though, and he was glad to take it. <Thanks.>

She snorted. <We should get that checked out before you leave though.> 

She helped him sit down. There wasn’t much of a warning for her next move. As she held his hand, she grabbed a pillow with the other hand and smacked it into his face.

The split second between that annoyingly familiar grin and his face being full of pillow wasn't enough this time to react, and Seth needed a second longer still to come to terms with what just happened.

As soon as he did, he was quick to put a mock wounded expression on when the pillow dropped. <First you kick me, now this?>

She laughed, she laughed so hard. This familiarity was nostalgic. The past just dropping right into her lap. It was overwhelming. She started crying. The tears started flowing, and she couldn’t stop them. It was like something unlocked inside her, and she couldn’t stop. It was an ugly cry, and she sniffled trying to stop. She raised her hands to sign, but her words weren’t coming out, they were shaking so badly. She just reached out to her brother. 

As soon as Kara started crying, the teasing stopped. Her seeking comfort was all it took for Seth to reach out as well. Even as a child, it wasn't often that she got like this. Kara rarely let her emotions out. He still was her brother, her first best friend. He quickly recognized of what was going on came quickly.

She couldn’t see what he was saying like this, but he was still spelling <okay> against her back. It still took her a moment to register him doing that.

She held on tight, letting it all flow out. All the repressed emotions. Once they stopped she remained still for a few moments, until she knew it was over. Until she felt safe enough to face him again. Only then she took a deep, shaky breath and pulled away. <I am so sorry,> she said. <I didn't mean to ever leave you behind. You must hate me, huh?>

<You're my sister. You know I don't.> Even if she was hard to get along with sometimes, that was just how things worked. At least, for their definition of sibling. <You're okay, right?>

Her lips quivered in a weak smile and she nodded. <I'm okay. You?>

<Yeah. Still getting used to my sister being a furry.> Seth adds, not willing to resist the tease.

She looked at him with a glare. <I can still absolutely whack you with that pillow again.> She puffed her cheeks in annoyance.

<Sure you can still do that if my glasses are on?> He wiggled his eyebrows at her. 

Kara rolled her eyes. <He's nice. We're friends. And not dating!> 

<Oh, he's still single then?> The question wasn't in the least serious. Seth was not even hiding the continued sibling mockery in it. 

She deployed the pillow again, smacking him over the shoulder. <Keep going and I am coming for your kneecaps.> 

<Hey!> The protest is weak, and one Seth drops immediately. <You can try, if you can reach them.>

She stuck her tongue at him. <What about you? No bears in your life you try to seduce?>

Sticking his tongue out in return, the gesture on his side is brief. <No, I wouldn't say there was.> Not that there wasn't someone, but the category didn't apply.

She ignored the taunt and narrowed her eyes, reading his expression. <But there is someone,> she stretched the signs, teasing him with a grin. There might have been almost ten years, but his face was just as open as ever.

Seth couldn't help it, feeling his face heat up with a blush in response to the teasing. <Maybe there is, maybe not.> he hedged, looking to one side instead of directly at Kara.

HA! She got him. Her grin got wide. She moved her whole body to put herself in his line of sight. <There iiiiiissssss. Who is it? Do you need a wingman? I totally can wingman for you. Or kick their ass as your sister! Do they need shovel talk?>

<No. Nope.> The denial came quickly. Seth was more than aware of what normally happened when Kara started on that particular line of thinking. The highschool experience was more than enough. <You're too late anyway.> Which was lucky, at least in his opinion. Of course, now that this was her train of thought that admission would only move her onto a slightly different related track.

Her eyes sparkled, face stretched in a smile. <My bro has a boyfriend!> Damn, her brother had a boyfriend! Shit… she missed so much… But she didn’t let herself get down again. <What’s his name? What does he look like?>

<Nope, don't know what you're talking about. They aren't.> He's playing word games and knows it, but that was part of the fun. <I'll ask if I can show you later okay? And you better not.> Some protectiveness sneaks onto the words as Seth signs them, along with stubbornness, both similar enough to the way he acted about family that Kara might recognize the expression he has now.

She giggled. <Please do. I am dying of curiosity.> She winked but then sighed. This was good. Really good. It was familiar. Comforting even. 

<I will. Promise.> To show his sincerity, Seth used for the word ‘promise’ their own homesign the two came up with as children. It was nearly a reflex to do so as well.

She nodded, trusting him on that. But there was an itch of discomfort at the edge of her mind. Best to jump to the meat of things, now that the tears were out of the way.

<Seth do you hate me? Aren't you mad at me?> She asked again. 

Seth dropped his earlier teasing when the mood shifted. <I don't hate you. You're my sister.> He pushes a hand through his hair, sighs. <Maybe when you first disappeared? But I didn't know why. And that was years ago. It wasn't your choice, whatever it was.> Cheryl had shared some, but he hadn't pressed for more than what she felt able to say.

She sighed and dropped her hands learning that he knew some things. It brought up more shame and guilt and some annoyance. Mostly at Cheryl, but she also understood. Her friend probably had to calm Seth down before they could meet. It takes a moment to swallow it. Her mouth turned into a thin line as she processed that.

<How much do you know?> She finally asked.

<The hospital. And someone breaking into your place. Nothing more specific.> He wanted, needed, to know. For his peace of mind in some sense, at least. Though Seth doubted it would bring much of that. <It's your business, right? Your decision on how much to tell.> Something serious like this? That wasn't anything to insist on prying into when the people involved might not want you to. Even if he wanted to.

Kara wrung her hands and bit her lips. Okay, so nothing too specific. That's good. Wait, no. She rubbed her face, annoyed at herself. Why were secrets her default? She did share some stuff with Donnie recently and…. She didn't feel like recounting the events again but… this was Seth, and he deserved to know some things. 

She shook her hands, trying to shake some of the nerves and fear of judgment. 

<I have an ex. His name is Ryan,> she started slowly. <And yeah. It was very bad. Really bad. I didn't notice when–.> When what? When she cut off almost all her support system? She still felt like it was her fault. She shouldn't have done that and yet. <After the hospital, I won the court case. Barely.> She sighed and rolled her eyes. <I may or may not have had some less than savory help in it. He got released early for 'good behavior'.> She grimaced at the words. <Somehow got in touch with one of the crime lords and I don't know, convinced him to help make my life difficult again?> She paused, drumming her fingers together. <I may or may not have been doing some not entirely legal stuff on the internet, and Donnie found me out. They offered me protection, and I got a deal with the Chief of Organized Crime so I have been here for now. So, that's me. In a nutshell.> She gave him an awkward smile.

The amount of information had Seth quiet for a moment to process. A name, but one that, now that this person was out of the picture, he would set aside until it was needed. Trouble he didn't know about, danger she'd had to deal with on her own.

The legality of what she had done aside, she was still his sister. Maybe not the right mindset for someone on the career track Seth hoped for, but he'd never been the best at heeding the letter when not doing so was the more right choice.

<He's for sure gone?>

<Working on that, the guys are taking down the organization and yeah.> She smiled awkwardly. <Your turn now. How's…. Everyone? What are you doing these days and uh… how's- how's mom?> She had a couple years to catch on.

Sighing, Seth rubs his neck while working out how to reply to that. <Working, a little. Studying the rest of the time. Getting some outside interaction with people when I can. Glad everyone's patient when I'm out of reach.> He grimaces, but briefly. <Mom's mom. You know how that is.> Her insistence on focusing on him and ignoring Kara still itched.

Unlike with Cheryl there wasn't the urge to sugarcoat things, moreso when doing that would hurt worse later.

Ah, it did sting and annoyed Kara as well. It’d been years and she just wouldn't- okay, deep breaths, no time for ranting. 

<Right, can't say I am not surprised.> Her face was twisted in a bitter expression. Fine, if she didn't want to acknowledge she had a child, then Kara wasn't going to think about her either. 

It wasn't his thing to say it for, but… <I'm sorry.>. The apology was reflexive, one he'd made before, and prompted by the familiar look of pain on Kara's face.

<Hey, it's not your fault.> She gave him exactly the same reply as back then as well. She decided to focus on him more. <What do you study? And where? Said you work? Do you need any cash?>

<The local back home, and I'm good on cash.> Seth looks sheepish to admit just what, with everything that Kara's shared, but she did ask. <Answer to the first one is law.> 

She giggled. <Great, next time I'm in deep shit I'm gonna call you instead of my lawyer.> She grinned and nudged him. 

<Conflict of interest, sis.> Seth teases automatically, the shift in her mood to something less jagged welcomed compared to earlier. 

She stuck her tongue at him. <Mean.>

He smiled. <You're safe here, right? Comfortable?>

She slowly nodded. <Aside of it being the sewers and> she raised her hands higher making her signs louder knowing the audience behind them, <Raph's gigantic fart bombs!> She dropped her hands again. What she didn't hear were the loud protests and laughs from the brothers that resulted from it. <Yeah. I'm good. I just can't wait to go topside. From what I heard it won't be long now. I will invite you over. You'll love it.>

Seth was relieved to hear that Kara would be safe enough soon to go back to her apartment, and he nodded in return. <Must be pretty bad if you can smell them down here.> he teased, though Raph wasn't around to be in on it. <You have a new cell number right?> After everything else that was hopefully a given, and getting it would make staying in touch easier.

She snickered and pulled her phone out. She had to get a new number after all that went down with Ryan. She should have saved Seth's number, but she didn't think of it when she should have. Too late for should haves now though. Now was what was important.

She quickly told Seth her number and waited for him to send her a text. As soon as her screen lit up with his number she saved it as 'Stinky Bro'. She also sent him back her home address.

Seth had hers saved under a sibling nickname of his own, one that had him grinning behind his free hand. If she saw her name was set to "small annoyance", the lifespan of his phone would be in question.

Only when he hears the sound of a text arriving does Seth look settled. It being able to send properly down here had been questionable.

She recognised the small flash of brief surprise. <It's all Donnie Tech. He is really smart.> She praised the turtle. Her face lit up a little, badly hiding feelings she didn't want to fully acknowledge.

Hiding his grin on seeing how proud she was of Donnie's work was difficult enough that Seth didn't bother with the effort. <Are you absolutely sure you’re not a furry?> he teased, unable to resist the barb.

She narrowed her eyes at him and chucked a pillow on his face.

Taking the smack full in the face, once the pillow fell away there was a look of mock anger and mischief mixed on Seth's face. <No fair attacking an unarmed man.> he reminded, holding a hand out then expectantly for his own pillow.

<Oh you think, I would give you an ammunition, fool?> She stood up on the sofa, holding the pillow under her arm and balancing shakily. There were of course other pillows around. <Again �� I have the higher ground!!> she signed dramatically, stretching her signs. 

"So you guys are playing or what?" Mikey suddenly popped behind Seth, signing as he spoke. 

His sudden appearance caused Kara to lose balance and she fell, caught by Donnie last second. 

Seth yelped and whirled around. How someone that tall and bulky could be so quiet was a mystery! He slipped on one of the pillows from earlier and had to fight for his own balance, a fight he only half-wins.

Blinking up at the turtle, it takes him a minute to recover. <Uh, yeah? Sort of?>

"Mikey," Donnie hissed, scolding the younger brother. He set a blushing, a bit stunned Kara down. He then moved away, clearing his throat.

"Whoops, my bad," Mikey shrugged, with a not-so-innocent smile. 

It only took one look at that smile to recognize it, once Seth was fully sure of his balance again. A comrade in arms, he assumed, and he had to force his expression back to neutral despite the flicker of a grin threatening to appear.

Turning his attention to Kara and Donnie, he equally feigned innocence. <You okay, sis?>

Kara looked at her brother. Her eyes quickly narrowed, recognizing the twitches in his face. He hadn't changed all that much since they were 13.

<I am okay,> she signed slowly. She looked at Donnie. <Seth, this is Donnie. Donnie this is my brother, Seth.>

Donnie looked a bit confused at Kara for a moment as she introduced them. <Oh! Nice to meet you, S-,> he paused and looked at Kara, who was biting her lips trying to hide in an impish grin. 

Did she just use a middle finger to name her brother?

Seth for his part doesn't look surprised, forgetting that they're not around people in the know before flashing a return bird in Kara's direction. Then he's back to including Donnie in the conversation.

<Sorry, she forgets her social training sometimes. Good to meet you too.> With that jab he was purposely avoiding looking at Kara in a way that Seth hoped gets under her skin the way their teasing used to.

With that display Kara fake gasped silently. She then tried to position herself in front of Seth, even jumping a little to get into his field of vision. 

<I know that too well,> Donnie replied, amused at her bouncing. 'She is adorable,' he thought but tried not to show it. Which wasn't working very well judging by the grin Mikey was giving him.

Seth was trying and failing at keeping his expression straight while continuing to pretend he couldn't see Kara. <So that hasn't changed, huh?>

As he spotted the fond look (or what Seth assumed was a fond look) hiding in Donnie's amusement, there was a spark of mischief equal to Mikey's grin in his eyes. <You’ve been keeping her safe?>

<Trying our best, but I think she has been causing at least 60% more headaches to Leo than what normally Raph does,> Donnie replied, either missing Seth's intention or purposefully evading it. <They are a team.> He sent a look towards Raph who huffed in response, not hiding his smirk very well. 

Meanwhile, Kara, annoyed with being ignored, jabbed her brother in the stomach.

‘<Only sixty? That's lucky. Used to be ninety per–> And then the jab, catching Seth off guard. <See?> he signed while giving Kara a look of 'excuse me?’ that hadn't changed even after growing up. <And there's two of her trying, too, she's gone soft.>

With that last sentence he deliberately angles himself so both Donnie and Kara were included in the conversation. If she was going to elbow him, it would be for a reason this time.

Donnie tried to hide his smile from the sibling duo. He met Kara the Hacker, worked with Kara the Scientist, the Friend and the Mischief Maker. This was Kara the Sibling.

<90%? I am really sorry and thank you for your service,> he joked.

Meanwhile Kara seemed placated with her inclusion. She snorted at Donnie’s response and shook her head.

She stuck her tongue back at him then snorted and grinned. <You rehashed that idea when we were 11 and shoved a whole plate of ‘pie’ in my face.>

<Don't feel sorry for him! When we were younger he shoved me into a washer!>

<Your attitude stunk, that was the fastest way to deal with it.> Seth shoots back, grinning at the memory even as his nose wrinkles. <She used up half a jar of Vicks on my pillow; the smell never did get out. It had to be replaced, and my hair stunk the entire time until we did. She still doing that?> Now it was funny, but at the time having to deal with their classmates and parent's friends asking if he was sick for weeks afterwards had been infuriating.

<No, not that I know of,> Donnie bit his lips to not laugh.

<That was because you framed me for eating all of the mini jalapeño cheesecakes mom made for a garden party!> Kara tried to defend herself. <I didn't even like those.> She pouted. <And I was the one to get grounded!>

<I'd do it again, they were delicious.> With that he stuck his tongue out at Kara, not caring how childish the gesture was. <You would have done the same thing if she made your favorite. Tasted better than the shaving cream you told me was whipped cream anyway, had to get rid of it with something.>

<Hey, nobody said we couldn't copy each other,> Seth answered with an exaggerated shrug, hands palm up as if asking 'what can you do?’ as he does so. <Good to know you kept it going.>

Donnie turned his head to look at Raph and Mikey. It was hard to imagine being separated from his siblings for as long as Kara and Seth were. Even if they infuriated each other to no end…

Their prank wars were ridiculous in eye of time. Thinking up what to do next, waiting for the reactions, both of them had enjoyed that even if their parents had gotten tired of it not long after they'd started. It was after their dad… wasn't around anymore. The good ol’ prank wars were to cheer each other up.

<Good to have you back, ass.> Kara chuckled and bumped her fist over Seth’s arm. <Beware though, I will find a way to get you.>

<Hey, don’t want to ruin the happy reunion, but there’s pizza with yours and Donnie’s name on it, unless you are fine with Mikey hoovering those in,> Cheryl joined them, standing at Donnie’s side.

<Oh, I better go get it then,> Donnie jumped up at that a little. There was no joking with pizza and Mikey involved. <It was nice meeting you Seth,> he said and offered his hand for a shake to Kara’s brother.

In the middle of trying to squirm away from Kara's poking, batting her hands away, Seth gives her a look she'd recognize that she better wait a minute for him to talk. <You too,> he returns, hesitating a second before accepting the handshake.

The obvious aside, as a person Donnie seemed alright.

That wouldn't keep him from his brotherly duties, however, but Seth hoped it wouldn't come to that for multiple reasons, the clear strength difference being one of them.

Kara looked between him and Donnie. With a small smile she bumped lighty into him. <Thank you,> she signed. 

Seth shook his head. <Don’t mention it.>

She was probably going to say more but this time her stomach protested, reminding her it was time to go eat. <Let’s talk later. Maybe Mario Kart? Been a while since I destroyed you in a game.>

Seth laughed soundlessly. <You’re on.>

Tag list: @madammuffins @leosgirl82 @m1dnyt3-w0lf @pheradream-15 @kikithedreamerwriter @fyreball66 @tinkabelle24 @dilucsflame33 @raphsmuneca

(lemme know if you want to be removed! or added! Thank you for reading! Leave me a comment! Reblogs are super welcomed!)

[purplesurveys]

1897

1~ What quality do you value most highly in others? Considering the traditional and backwards culture my country is known to live by, I appreciate someone who's open-minded and thinks in a more modern, less discriminating way.

2~ Are you more aggressive or mellow? It depends...this is a very broad question. I can be aggressive when it comes to people or things I deeply care about, and mostly mellow-ly nonchalant towards everything else.

3~ Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? My parents, easily.

4~ Do you take any vitamins or medication? I don't. Nothing regular.

5~ Do you want to grow old with someone? It would be nice to grow old with my best friend, but I also don't, like, actively pressure her to do so. She has her own future and family to think about, and I don't mind being one of the supporting characters in her arc. It would just be nice to have the rest of our lives together.

6~ Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why? It used to be 100% better than myself, but I'm slowly starting to prioritize myself now too. That being said, I've started to enforce boundaries and to learn how to say no when I want to.

7~ What sound is annoying you right now? Eh, nothing. It's fairly silent at the moment.

8~ Where was your last vacation to? We had back to back trips to Bulacan, Vietnam, and Tagaytay the last month. My family also booked a last-minute weekend someplace south but I didn't go with as I went to Hans and Angela's engagement party that same time.

9~ Where was your last car ride to? My uncle's new place! He finally moved into the home he's been building and finishing up the last few years and it's beautiful.

10~ Where did you last walk to? Just upstairs, here to my bedroom.

11~ What gives you a peaceful feeling? Rainy weather.

12~ Are you a light sleeper? No, I'm usually nearly impossible to wake up which is why I always need 4-5 consecutive alarms set.

13~ When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? I get veeeerrryyyy conscious sleeping around other people, so it's usually them.

14~ How many people have a piece of your heart? Like less than 10.

15~ What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? They're not shakers; they're just tupperwares with their own scoops.

16~ When was the last time you hurt yourself? Intentionally? Years ago. Maybe 6 or 7 years ago. Unintentionally – happens a lot, so yesterday would be my best guess.

17~ Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? City. I grew up in the suburbs my entire life and don't know the sound of a bustling city at all. I'd love to be surrounded by it now that I'm at pretty much the peak of my 20s.

18~ Have you ever built something? I'm sure I have.

19~ Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user? Taker and user. I like going by other people's lead.

20~ Do you take naps? Rarely. Only when I'm extremely, extremely beat – like yesterday.

21~ Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? I always do it last-minute and get stressed every time lol, I never learn.

22~ Do you laugh when there is no joke and dance when there is no music? Dance, yes. But I don't think I've ever laughed out of nowhere. I always at least remember some kind of memory.

23~ If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? That I have been mentally strong. Or thoughtful – that would honestly be nice to hear, too.

24~ What is the dirtiest habit you can think of? Like, of anyone? I saw someone on Reddit say they enjoy cleaning out their shower drain and that the more hair they get out of it, the better. Something I never expected to read that day tbh lol

25~ Do you ever need ‘quiet time’? Absolutely, and I need it more and more these days since there's now so much more demanded of me at my job, with everyone having eyes on my every move. By the end of every fucking week I'm just out and do not want to deal with anything and anyone.

26~ Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for the child to outlive their parent? The former definitely, just because that's not usually expected to happen. My aunt had her son (my uncle) pass at 40; there's not a week I don't think of her and how she's doing.

27~ What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift? I found a copy of the WWE Encyclopedia in pristine condition at a secondhand book store. Copped that shit i m m e d i a t e l y.

28~ What is one selfish thing you tend to do? Prioritize myself and my feelings.

29~ What kinds of people do you find intimidating? Mostly people who have had more experience than I've had in our industry. It's intimidation coming from a place of respect, though – I try not to be actively scared of them and instead take the opportunity to learn from them no matter what their mentorship style is (unless they are assholes lol, which I won't tolerate. But thankfully I've never had to encounter someone of the sort).

30~ Out of everyone you know who has the most unique personality? Ades probably? He's the kind of smart that almost makes him weird, but I've never found it off-putting. I like hearing his thoughts whenever I can.

31~ When do you do your best thinking? After-work hours, ie anytime after 6 PM; or on the weekends – which is the time I get to think without needing to worry about deadlines.

32~ What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? Choosing to move on from my ex four years ago; I genuinely thought there was still a chance we could get back together. I was desperate and delusional at the start, trying to still keep up conversations with her whenever I could and thinking that any reply from her was progress in the direction I wanted. Soon enough I realized that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore and seemed perfectly fine and free without me, and that made it much easier to move past.

33~ Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? No.

34~ What does your favorite coffee mug look like? It's just a plain black glass mug.

35~ What age do you think it is most difficult to be? From my own observation of others around me, 25 seems to be quite the hurdle. Everyone seems to be so pressured and is doing a bunch of stuff to overcome the quarter-life crisis...but personally I think I've handled it quite well and am proud of that.

36~ Do you think you could handle a day in jail? I think my anxiety would eat me alive for the better part of it, but it's a day. I think I'd be able to manage, even if barely.

37~ Who is the most overbearing person you know? L.

38~ Have you ever been on a trampoline? Sure.

39~ What do you use batteries for the most often? My Army lightstick, hah.

40~ Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all gift wrapped? I'm terrible at wrapping presents so I either have my sister do it (if we still have time, because I do my gift shopping last minute like I said) or I just buy a bunch of paper bags to put my gifts in.

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Crazy to log back in after all this time especially after the way I left things. So much has changed and I'm nearly 2 years sober in November. My year long addiction such a central part of me now. Even with me never bothering to take it anymore, being in that state of mind for so long changed me in so many ways. In just a year at that

I've color coded the sections. It was too much of a wall of text. Orange is for work, pink for my boo, green for my life perspective now that im sober and older, the other colors... you'll see it when you get there. Just a summary of everything I've ever wanted to talk about in all this time.

I've quit that job I was talking bout last post. Worked there til mid April and I rage quit. Put my two weeks in then just ain't show for the last what.. 4 days? Fuck that job fr. Assholes worked me to death. How tf I was parttime and working 12 hour shifts back to back at that?

Anyway. I still work in the same field. I'm just at these retirement homes now. I work two at the moment, though one just offered me a new position up there so hopefully I can leave the one closest to me. Buttholes think I'm a robot up there.

The biggest change is thatt, I have a partner now. He's been here with me since late July. We've gotten an apartment now, too as of like 2 months ago now. I've never trusted anyone more.

How it all went down? I was friendly with his sister as she was the one that trained me. I used to talk to her alot which end up leading to me meeting her brother since he also worked up there and was constantly around his little sister. We ended up talking more than me and the sister did. He used to come out to the cafeteria i was running and talk to me for however long time allowed. Whether for an hour or for a few mins, he'd say hi to me.

After a lil while, led to her inviting me to her house. At my old job, in our 12 shift, we were really there for 14 hrs. They gave us an hour and a half break between the 1st and 2nd shift. With her only living 5 mins from the job it wasn't a hard ask lol. Sitting around at that job was not fun. I was by this point not feeling nothing towards my partner but friendship. Which was crazy cause a few days later, I went out there seeing if my dad was outside, only to see him outside waiting to pick up his sister. I was talking to him out in the rain for a lil, then i ofc got in the car to continue talking after a while. Sat there running my mouth for long enough that his sister came out. She had this devilishly big smile on her face when she said "oh I did invite you over"

That one trip led to coming over hanging out with her brother specifically, spending a night watching movies in her room, getting friendly with their mom. I started to feel so welcome. Then, I got a lil tipsy annd bumped my head and he pulled me towards him trying to see if I was okay annnd the rest was history. I ended up moving in, with their mother's push and my family pushing me away with how eager they were for me to gtfo. Barely talk to me now that im gone. Unless i reach out ofc. It's been ups, downs, but he somehow was there through all that.

I even got kicked out the house for "hitting" their mother. In reality, by that point, I was paying $250 a month for the room I shared with him, I paid for household supplies, I cleaned. Everything. So after a while, it was a bit tiring getting screamed at for any and every mistake I made. I had threw away pieces of this series x box and she told me take it out her trash and throw it in the outside. I grabbed as much as I could at the time as I had other pieces already in my hand but it wasn't good enough. She said to come get the rest and I was confused. I just said my hands are full and I went to throw the rest away. But me saying my hands were full was a problem. I don't know if I said it in a tone, I was tryna be as calm as I could, but it wasn't good enough.

She started yelling and talking shit, calling me names. All types of stuff. Me and him was just taking it. Not saying a single thing back, like she liked. But he threw his phone at the wall in frustration and I thought it was time to fix it. It wasn't that serious in my eyes. So I came up to her asking why she thought I had an attitude so we can fix it. I didn't have an attitude and even if I did, I still did what she asked with no hesitation. With two trips, I threw the whole box away and ripped it up just like she wanted to make sure it wouldn't take up too much room. But all that was null and void because of how she perceived my voice.

So in my failed attempts to get her to talk to me, she just getting angrier and angrier which made me frustrated. I just stood there asking again and again what did I do to make you think I had an attitude, her getting mad and saying she ain't have to explain herself to me, which I was trying to explain I wasn't trying to make her explain why she was mad I just wanted to know how I wronged you so I CAN FIX IT. And me standing there and her getting angry eventually led her to pointing a finger right in my face which I swatted away. It was reflex really. Was mere inches away from my eye and I never once touched her so why get physical?? I don't know what possessed her to even do that.

And me swatting her hand, was the worst decision ever. The mother started trying to swing at me, the sisters boyfriend that also lived there at that point was trying to hit me and my boyfriend jumped in and pulled me back. I couldn't focus on nothing anymore and the next thing I knew the sisters boyfriend came up to me and pushed me onto the bed. I was so scared I didn't know what he was going to do next and I started freaking out. I couldn't breath I couldn't think. I just felt so scared and helpless. I had to hear the rest after the fact

My boyfriend and his sister's boyfriend both got into a fight, the sister and the mother tried to break up. The mom got pushed down to the floor in the process (which was as I said, happened during the process of a whole fist fight between these grown men. You'll see why I clarify this), my boyfriend picked him up, and somehow someway, the sisters boyfriend went to go grab his gun. A gun that he apparently had at the house. It was an assault riffle

When he did that the whole atmosphere changed. No one was focused on the fight they were focused on him putting the gun up. Then they came to me and that's where my pov comes back. I was there on the bed curled up crying ripping out my hair, and my boyfriend standing over me just angry at everything. He just stood over me crying frustrated trying to get me breathe. Then the sister just stood over me, like I was an alien. I regretted even saying anything. I wondered if I should've just grabbed it all and just let it fall out my hands so she knew I wasn't being funny acting. I started to wonder if I was right to swat her hand or should I have let her touch me first before I did that. All these thoughts made me feel so powerless as none of those decisions should have led to this brawl.

The sisters boyfriend tried to play man of the house and talk shit and the sister just smiled. My boyfriend still hasn't forgiven her for it. He never looks at her the same anymore. It feels like I broke up the family. To. This. Day. The mom kicked me out and my boyfriend said fuck everyone and left with me. He helped me pack everything because the mom was telling me "my fatass needs to hurry up" and "sitting there like shit sweet" and smart comment after smart comment while I'm over there just bawling my eyes out. We went to his dad's house who asked for an explanation but once we explained, he respected that it was a huge blowup, and the dude pulling out a gun was bigger than all this.

Little did we know, the little bit of relief we felt being at his dad's house for the night would be short lived. The mom, sister, and her boyfriend were all going around calling up family to tell their twisted version of events. They said I hit mama and my partner pushed her to the ground. I felt like a mouse. The whole family hated me atp. But we spent a night at the dad's house, explained everything to everyone calling him and just kept on going. The sisters ended up believing us in saying they were kinda shocked to hear I'd hit their mom knowing how I am so they were more mad that they twisted the story and didn't even include the fact this man just pulled out a gun on their brother. We told everything as it happened so it helped our story alot

Anyway, we lived there for a few months, feeling trapped and stupid. His dad's house was filthy and we were working hard to pay rent at his dad's, find and apartment, and save for a deposit fee. We barely could eat because the kitchen was so nasty half the time you didn't know what you were touching. The silverware were half dirty, the fridge handle always had food remnants caked on it, food would be left out overnight and more, dishes there for days. Everything. This is all because his dad is half blind and his fiance works so she expects him to do all the cleaning. His cleaning skills are not the best but I can't fully blame him given his disability.

We were eating off fast food everyday for months because of this. We'd barely eat just because we hid rhe fact we were eating out where we could, so he wouldn't feel offense on why we wouldn't eat his and her food, and we kept it pushing.

We moved out in April annd things have gotten better in a sense. We argue way more but I think that's natural for how much more we get to be around each other. I don't work as long hours and we're in each other's face 24/7. But I get so angry. I don't know why. It's like I hold back so much, just angry talking at first, then he says something that makes me snap. Then, I'm screaming, throwing things, and I try to get away. It feels all instinct, like someone else is taking over. And all I can do is wait til I calm down and apologize for being scary. I don't hurt him. I never will. I've thrown my phone, broken countless bracelets off me, and I've scratched myself over and over trying to make myself focus on something else, but I've never thrown more than a pen directly at him. I feel so guilty everytime I do it. But I be feeling unheard in the moment and I just want it over with. To be left alone again.

But he holds onto me anyway. He sees me for more than just my blowups. He hates it and has asserted he won't take it forever, but he understands Im not used to love upclose. I'm the ex princess pill enjoyer. I went an entire year with an addiction only my sisters noticed. I've lost my two closest friends along with the whole robotics friend group I thought I'd have in an instant. I usually am one disagreement from losing someone, so I hold it in. But now, I have someone to learn to let it out for. Someone to learn to not blowup for. It's just hard.

I'm really trying though. I tried jumping out the car cause I was so mad and he just stopped the car and held me. Even though he was just as mad at me. We were arguing just a second before. Ever since then, that rage scares me. I'm not in control the way i thought I was. I would never jump out a moving fucking vehicle in my life. You can break your arm, scrape the skin right off you, knock yourself out. Anything. But I just felt this trance of I couldn't keep being in this car arguing and I started saying I couldn't do it and just opened the door. I don't know what I was thinking. I really wasn't thinking. But knowing that's a possibility, I just know I have to fix myself.

I've been doing better. I nowadays will just throw my phone and get mad and he'll just leave it instead of continuing like normal. Then once I calm down, we talk about why I got so mad, he explains why he was mad at me in the first place, and we're good. I hope someday I can skip on the rage part entirely but I've been doing better now that I have a moment to collect myself. Plus, I know no matter what argument, til the day he betrays my trust, I will always want him in my life and these petty arguments change nothing. He's shown me time and time again he loves me through everything so I will make sure I love him unconditionally too.

And that's where everything is now. I'm at work typing this now. I'm resisting the urge to impulsively quit. My boss just called me yesterday frustrated I don't pick up morning shifts last second trying to make it like I just don't want to work. I just don't think that's a humane ask. On your day off, would you want to be called awake at 6am to get up and IMMEDIATELY go to work? No. She'd give me a one day notice on morning shifts too and I'd say no, because I didn't want to cut the day short to go to bed for work. And that's a problem here.

I have a second job that's been great but the distance and pay wasn't the best. But they appreciate me, they've tried to fight for better pay, and the were sad I tried this job. Annnd crazily, I came back, did orders for a few days, and they offered me a part time receptionist while doing orders too. Giving me damn near full time hours. Like FINALLYYYY I'm not waiting on random shifts to make my money. I can just come in and do the same work everyday.

It's not confirmed til Monday but, soon as it's confirmed. I'm outttt

Life doesn't get better, it just changes. If anything it gets worse. Seriously. I've wanted to die all the time lately. It's just a new hurt. You can't ever escape it. In a way, it's harder and easier. On the one hand, you have a different type of worth now. Once you move out, youre not just parents burden, you become your own burden. So that constant guilt I used to feel is gone. I don't ask for help no matter what. I even hate gifts from them now. I feel like they use that as their way to have something to say about what I'm doing. But you burdening yourself also stings cause you have to drag yourself to shit you don't want ALLLLLLL THE TIMEEE. Don't want to go to work? Call in sick? Don't have any sick hours? Call in with an emergency. Gotta do what uou gotta do. I'm not proud of it. But even then... you have to be socially aware of everyone's opinion of your actions. Or, you choosing yourself too many times will make you lose a job, get played at your job, or fuck you over come time to pay everything. It's such a big sacrifice to choose yourself now.

That's just true in general when you get out the house. That's what makes it so difficult.. I barely was choosing myself before. But now? There's no one else but you. If you don't go out to make yourself some money, you'll make yourself miserable worrying about food, bills, and keeping a roof over your head. But some days you argue right before work. Some days you want to end it and you don't want to to think about nothing else. But I have to think, if I fail this time, what's gonna happen? If you try it, and you fail, what are you going to do? Are you gonna be able to afford copays on your hospital stay? Are you gonna be able to get back to work if need be? Are you gonna be able to be in others faces right after that happened to you? Is there even going to be a job waiting on you by the time you recover?

I'm more scared of the day I'll attempt now. If I attempt now, I'll fuck over my partner. I wonder how he'd take it. I'd probably break him. Even though I regularly tell him I want to die to this day, he'll never feel the full weight til he sees how serious it gets for me. I don't want to take away his character showing him that. I'll break up and do it before I sneak off and do something like that now. I know that would hurt him still. But even before him, it's just harder on me making that decision.

I'm still open to it though. Thus far, this life shit still sucks. The work life balance is just gone in America. Unless you're making top dollar, buying a house, regularly vacationing, and having money to properly invest in your hobbies, you're just sitting around on you butt/doing chores/getting business handled. You've always had to work for your money but nowadays uou need to hoard this nonexistent extra money just to do anything. It's so dull. I already didn't want to do this and now I'm bored to death half the time. Great!!!1!11!!! (I've developed a tiktok addiction now. It's an instict for me to get on as soon as I'm not doing anything. I can't stand to be bored for one second 😶‍🌫️)

Anywaysss. That's it. I'm alive, I'm the same, but with a boyfriend now. I have the same brain from way back when I was daily posting on here. There's just more stuff chaining me down to this world. If you read all this thank you. I hope you feel seen. I know it's not easy out here

...and to the people that didn't read. Yea. I get it 😅

[special-bc-ur-part-of-it]

fic writer 20 questions

thanks to @kurtsascot for the tag !!!

idk who has or hasn't been tagged yet, but imma tag @rockitmans @shame-is-a-wasted-emotion @thaliaisalesbian and anyone else who wants to play :)

how many works do you have on ao3?

22 :)

2. what's your ao3 word count

99,816

3. what fandoms do you write for?

glee <3

4. top 5 fics by kudos

3 a.m. (80 kudos)

Zip Tease (72 kudos)

Remote Learning (71 kudos)

New Adventures Summer Camp (58 kudos)

Running in Circles, Coming up Tails (56 kudos)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes! i tend to respond to nearly every comment <3 bc i enjoy attention <3 and it's nice to talk to people <3

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i think it's probably knife with your heart up your sleeve. which still ends ambiguously but. i tend not to do the angsty ending lol

7. whats the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i'm gonna say Home for the Holidays because that fic is nothing but holiday fluff <3

8. do you get hate on fics?

thankfully no. i've seen a couple passive-agressive comments before, and @cerriddwenluna lovingly said "jail for iz" in a 'live-blog' comment on New Adventures Summer Camp once, but no actual hate yet <3

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i tend not to. if i do, it'll probably end up pretty sappy romantic and non-explicit (see: run away to mars)

10. do you write crossovers? whats the craziest one youve ever written?

nah. AUs tho? heck yeah.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of!

13. have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i started co-writing one with someone a while back, but then we both got busy and forgot about it whoops

i think it would be fun to co-write with someone tho, so uh. lmk <3

14. fave all time ship?

gotta be klaine <3 the brainrot is real <3

15. wip you want to finish but doubt you will?

sequel fic to Running in Circles, Coming up Tails

16. what are your writing strengths?

uhhh dialogue maybe? fluffy shit? idk, it's hard to name your own writing strengths

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

scene descriptions, smut, figuring out what happens in the middle part of multi-chapter fics, actually sticking with recurring underlying themes...

if i keep thinking about it, i'm gonna get real mean to myself so i'm gonna stop there

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

i don't usually do it because i only know english and like. half-spanish, but i like when people do it !!

19. first fandom you wrote for?

harry potter. i think i was somewhere between 10 and 13 years old. i used wattpad. i believe those fics no longer exist, or if they do, i sure as fuck haven't looked at them in years (and i think i deleted ye old wattpad account)

20. fave fic youve written?

hng most of them hold a special little place in my heart (or live rent free in my brain), but i think i gotta say New Adventures Summer Camp. i reread it every so often bc it makes me smile :) (for most of the fic at least)

[underthebrightmooninterests]

5 great Kdrama’s you probably haven’t seen

#1. At A Distance Spring Is Green

At A distance Spring Is Green: 2021, 12 episodes

coming of age, college romance

main lead: Park Ji Hoon & Kang Min Ah & Bae In Hyuk

summary: A coming of age story about young people in their twenties and the problems they face in university. Nam Soo Hyun and Yeo Joon, two boys with contrasting personalities, unexpectedly become friends when working on a project together.

Depicts the realistic worries and conflicts of university students in their 20's, centered around 1st-year student Yeo Joon. Even though Yeo Joon has an attractive appearance and comes from a wealthy background, he carries pain inside. His character is a puppy-dog freshman who takes a liking to a sunbae and follows him around, leading to an unlikely friendship between two very different boys.

opinion: (Can you tell I went through a Park Ji Hoon phase? lol) This drama really doesn’t have a revolutionary storyline which is why I think so many people didn’t watch it. But, I can name multiple reasons for why you should watch it, even if it’s only once. The warm romance between Park Ji Hoon and Kang Min Ah, the brotherly love between Bae In Hyuk and Park Ji Hoon and the dynamics of the trio together were all big reasons for why I enjoyed this drama as much as I did. Furthermore it has a meaningful plotline that you can analyze to your hearts content and watching the characters heal their traumas through their friendships with each other was very heartwarming. I haven’t read the webtoon it was based on but as far as the drama goes, I definitly enjoyed it and would recommend you give it a shot.

#2. 18 Again

18 Again: 2020, 16 episodes

romance, fantasy

main lead: Lee Do Hyun & Yoon Sang Hyun & Kim Ha Neul

After nearly twenty years of marriage, Jung Da Jung and Hong Dae Young seem to be well settled in their domestic lives. The proud parents of a pair of eighteen year old twins, the devoted couple have worked hard to build a happy home together. But what seems like an ideal life on the outside is really anything but. Fed up with Dae Young’s incessant nonsense, Da Jung is at her wits’ end. When Dae Young announces that he’s been fired, Da Jung gives up completely. Convinced life would be better without her husband in it, Da Jung wastes no time in filing for divorce. 

Shaken by his wife’s decision to leave him and utterly disappointed in where life has taken him, Dae Young takes a hard look at his life. It doesn’t take him long to see all the places where things went wrong, and soon he finds himself regretting absolutely everything about his life. The moment the thoughts of regret enter his head, his body is instantly transformed into that of an eighteen year old, while his thirty-seven year old mind remains intact. Suddenly given the chance to re-do his entire life, Dae Young changes his name to Ko Woo Young and enrolls himself in his children's’ school. Seeing life from an entirely different perspective, Dae Young soon finds that despite keeping his middle-aged brain, he still has a lot to learn.

opinion: This drama really had no right to be as good as it is. I watched this purely because a drama based on the 2009 Zac Efron movie ‘17 again’ just sounded so stupid that I just had to check it out. Someone please tell me why this was one of my favourite drama’s from 2020? The acting was great, the plotline kept you hooked and the drama managed to capture the story of life choices and regret better than the 2009 movie did. Also, it doesn’t have a weird incest plot line like the movie did which is a plus ig. Highly enjoyable story that makes you love and root for all the characters involved, there’s not really any huge negative points to note in my opinion.

#3. Hit The Top/ The Best Hit

The Best Hit: 2017, 32 episodes

Comedy, romance

main lead: Yoon Si Yoon & Lee Se Young & Kim Min Jae & Cha Tae Hyun

Lee Ji Hoon and Choi Woo Seung are two childhood friends who also happen to be preparatory students for the civil service exam, although Ji Hoon has a secret dream to be a singer and songwriter. One day they meet Yoo Hyun Jae, a popular but problematic member of a popular '90s idol group who accidentally traveled through time to the year 2017 from the year 1993. Thus begins the story of passion, love, and friendship among 20s youth in the entertainment industry.

opinion: I feel like I have to preface this recommendation by saying that it has been YEARS since I’ve seen this and I’m purely going by my memory of really loving this when I first watched it. I also don’t remember it being 32 episodes but the episodes are only half an hour so it’s basically just 16, one hour episodes. This drama was enjoyable, very entertaining and had a unique concept but there is a part of me that feels like they didn’t quite know what they wanted it to be. At some points it felt like a sitcom and in other points I felt like they spent so much time on the mc that it was just straight up romance. That being said, I don’t think any of those elements really take away from this being an enjoyable viewing experience none the less.

#4. A korean Odyssey

A Korean Odyssey: 2017, 20 episodes

Comedy, fantasy, romance

main lead: Lee Seung Gi, Oh Yeon so, Cha Seong Won

In 2017, Son Oh Gong and Ma Wang are in conflict with each other as they look for a true light in a dark world where evil thrives. Having made a contract with Seon Mi 25 years ago, entitling her to seek help from Son Oh Gong whenever she calls him in exchange for letting him free, the two meet again in a fateful encounter. From there, Son Oh Gong is bound to his protective role towards Seon Mi, the little girl he had met years ago.

opinion: When I tell you I was OBSSESSED with this drama while watching it, I really mean it. The acting is good, the comedy hits and the dynamics between the characters are very entertaining and probably one of its strongest selling points. Every scene between Lee Seung Gi’s character and Cha Seong won’s were GOLD. That being said, if I’d have to note one down side to this drama it would probably be the fact that the later half starts dragging a little and the drama could’ve probably been told in 16 episodes. I’m also still not sure how I feel about the ending. All of that being said, this is drama was good overall and fueled my Lee Seung Gi obssesion to what it is today.

5. Tomorrow

Tomorrow: 2022, 16 episodes

Action, fantasy

main lead: Kim Hee Soon, Rowoon, Lee Soo Hyuk

Choi Joon Woong seeks a job, but it's hard for him to get hired. One night, he witnesses a man trying to end his life and decides to stop him. He gets acquainted with grim reapers Koo Ryeon and Im Ryoong Gu, who belong to a crisis management team. Their purpose is to prevent people from committing suicide. After Joon Woong ends up in a coma and becomes half-human and half-spirit, he is employed by a company of grim reapers as the newest member of the crisis management team.

opinion: South Korea ranks fourth in the world when it comes to suicide rate. This drama explores that heavy topic with fantasy elements and surprisingly funny comedic moments. The topics in this drama are HEAVY but the drama does a good job at not becoming gloomy or depressing to watch. ‘Tomorrow’ does a great job at both tastefully discussing serious matters and undercutting the heavy stuff with sweet moments and comedy. minimal romance but maximum trauma.

[womanexile]

Wow, TS may be about the age that Faith (33) was when she watched the special that was the catalyst for TS (11) to go to Nashville.

Lol- she was called Fearless- pre-2007 tour w/ Tim & Faith youtube.com/watch?v=cl5q5NttH4Q

Jay-Z was in the house at Sixers game (she was 12 in '02 for anthem) youtube.com/watch?v=6E63AeaHczE

gettyimages.ie/detail/news-photo/hip-hop-superstar-jay-z-takes-in-the-game-between-the-news-photo/1456395

Age 1 1 karaoke practice- patgarrett.com/html/swift.html

patgarrett.com

Success Comes Quickly for Taylor Swift

By MORNING CALL | Staff Report

PUBLISHED: February 10, 2008 at 5:00 a.m. | UPDATED: October 5, 2021 at 3:42 p.m.

When Taylor Swift was 11 years old, she practiced her signature diligently. She experimented with curly letters and bold, determined strokes. She filled notebooks with her autograph in the hopes that one day, it would be scribbled on thousands of T-shirts, album jackets and posters.

But don’t mistake the Grammy nominee’s daydreams for arrogance.

“I was never that kid that walked around saying, “I’m going to be famous.’ ‘Cause that kid is annoying,” Swift says, laughing, during a phone interview from her home in Hendersonville, Tenn., near Nashville.

Swift got her wish and then some. At 18, the Berks County native and new darling of the country music industry is up for a Grammy Award — music’s top honor — tonight for Best New Artist.

Her 2006 debut album, “Taylor Swift,” has hit double platinum in stores and platinum in Web downloads. She’s the subject of one magazine article after another, including a four-page spread in the Feb. 8 issue of Entertainment Weekly. And she tours with the biggest names in country, including Tim McGraw, Faith Hill and Rascal Flatts.

Despite her youth, Swift has long been on the path to fame. It began in Wyomissing, a Reading suburb, with a very tiny Taylor singing for anyone who’d listen. She dragged her parents to fairs, to festivals, to karaoke contests, to sporting events — if there were a “Star-Spangled Banner” circuit, she’d be on it.

Afternoons, after homework, were spent writing songs and learning to play the guitar.

Pat Garrett, a Strausstown musician and owner of a sheepskin clothing shop, first met the wannabe starlet when she sang in the weekly karaoke contest at his former restaurant, the Pat Garrett Roadhouse in Strausstown. She was determined to win, Garrett recalls.

“When she introduced herself, she said, “I’m Taylor Swift. I’m 11. I want to be a country singer.’ I told her, “I couldn’t even find my shoes when I was 11. Get out of here.”‘ Garrett laughs at the memory. He glances up at the platinum record that now hangs in his sheepskin store. It’s signed, “To Pat. Love, Taylor.”

Garrett says Swift’s success is a surprise. And it isn’t.

Of all Swift’s extraordinary characteristics — poise and charm, beauty and intelligence — her voice wasn’t one of them, he says. She’d often sing a little off key and lost more karaoke contests than she won. But “she had the spark; she had the drive,” Garrett says. And she had a family who supported her.

Scott Swift’s enthusiasm, in particular, nearly rivaled his daughter’s, Garrett says. The financial adviser from Merrill Lynch often solicited advice from Garrett, who had his own Nashville record deal back in the ’80s. He wanted to know how to make his little girl’s dreams happen. “I told him, “In Detroit, they make cars. In Hershey, they make bars. And in Nashville, they make stars,”‘ Garrett said.

Soon afterward, the Swifts — Scott and his wife, Andrea, Taylor, and her younger brother, Austin — packed up and moved South.

It wasn’t long before Sony Publishing hired 14-year-old Swift as a songwriter. By day, she was just another high schooler, attending homecoming and completing English projects, but after school let out, she was at the studio, scribbling lyrics intended for signed singers.

And it drove her crazy.

“I ended up begging them to hold my best ones,” she says. She couldn’t stand the thought of someone else singing about her own heart’s joys and aches. “I told them, “Trust me, some day, they’ll be worth something.”

No one ever sang her songs. They all ended up on her self-titled debut with Big Machine Records, a Nashville label that represents weighty artists such as Trisha Yearwood and Jack Ingram.

Swift says writing songs isn’t a choice but “something I have to do.” The melody for her breakout hit, “Tim McGraw,” for example, came to her while in ninth-grade math class. She excused herself, went to the bathroom and recorded it onto her phone, lest she forget by the time she could reach a guitar.

Most of her songs revolve around love. The barefoot-by-the-lake, roses-on-the-doorstep, slow-moonlit-dance kind of love.

“I like to write about personal experiences. … I like to write about guys and not change their names in songs,” she says, referring to her second single, “Teardrops on my Guitar,” about a Tennessee classmate named Drew that she had a crush on.

And Swift sells it well. With a heap of blonde ringlets and shiny blue eyes, she has a freshly scrubbed, girl-next-door appeal. She wears sundresses paired with a silver heart necklace and a charm bracelet Tim McGraw and Faith Hill gave her while on their 2007 tour.

Swift says it’s the honesty of her songwriting that hits a chord with her millions of fans. And the critics agree.

In 2007, the Nashville Songwriters Association International named Swift Songwriter/Artist of the Year. The Country Music Association honored her with the “Horizon Award,” bestowed on country’s rising stars. Past winners include Randy Travis, Garth Brooks and the Dixie Chicks. Swift sang her latest single, “Our Song” at the 2007 awards show.

Swift’s former choral director at Wyomissing Area Junior-Senior High School, Sharon Luyben, watched that show nervously. Luyben remembers thinking Swift’s legs looked “a little too skinny” and was worried she’d trip in her very high heels. “That’s the way I saw it,” she says — with “a mother’s eye.”

Luyben still sees the country star as the sweet, effusive sixth-grader who played Louisa in the school’s production of “The Sound of Music” and who unanimously won the junior high chorus’s “Wyo Idol” contest by rocking out on her 12-string guitar.

Among all of her old friends, Cara Wojciechowski may be her most loyal. The 14-year-old Wyomissing eighth-grader met Swift at age 9, when Cara played Marta in “The Sound of Music.”

Swift, who was four years her senior, took Cara under her wing. She’d sing for Cara, let her play with her guitar and console her when playground jests turned cruel. The Swifts and Wojciechowskis spent weeks at the shore together..

Cara has mapped her path to resemble her role model’s.

“It’s kind of scary, but I’ve based my whole life on what she’s done. I love country because of Taylor, obviously,” she says. “I play the guitar because of Taylor. I write music because of Taylor.”

This type of sentiment is echoed again and again by fans on Swift’s MySpace Web page, which has 29,293,872 hits and counting.

Swift says knowing how many people love her and look up to her keeps her grounded. “You can’t sell 2.5 million records without 2.5 million people helping you. The fans are the only reason I’m here.”

kelly.suarez@mcall.com

610-820-6530

TAYLOR SWIFT

Age: 18

Hometown: Wyomissing, Berks County

Records broken: Youngest person in country music history to singlehandedly craft a No. 1 single (“Our Song”). First female solo artist in country music history to write every song on a double-platinum debute record.

Nominated: Grammy, Best New Artist

She had so much determination. Especially for such a young age.

I don’t see how gaylors think TS and her father have a bad relationship. He clearly loves her & would do anything to make her happy.

[sarahthevampyrslayer]

TLDR; I’m just venting about my parents lol. I feel like a teenager again, but with more bills and a car, so at least I can leave when I’m too annoyed 😂😂

So my partner and I have been living with my parents again since mid February. We all got an apartment together and have been splitting rent, utilities, bills etc. 50/50. But we do get separate groceries, laundry stuff and, toiletries. It actually hasn’t been too bad living with them. It’s not nearly has bad as it was when I was a kid/teenager, but there are little things they do that just irk me.

The unnecessary comments about what I’m eating or drinking. Do you know how much sodium is in a danish? My mom does lol. Do you know how much caffeine is in ginger ale? The answer is none lol, but my dad will tell you there’s too much caffeine in ginger ale and that’s why you’ll nap in the middle of the day… obviously this is wrong lol.

Having my chronic illness (fibromyalgia) ignored and dismissed daily, kind of annoying. This is why I take frequent breaks throughout the day to avoid of flare up.

Being told repeatedly, by my father, that I need to get a job, despite the fact that I have a job, kind of annoying.

Every time my mother feels insecure about her body she projects that onto me and tells me I need to lose weight.

Whenever I cook, doesn’t matter what time of day it is, suddenly my parents need to be in the kitchen too (it is an extremely small space and there’s not enough room for more than 1 person to move around comfortably).

They’re just so go-go-go with their energy and I am… not lol. They’re inpatient and rushy.

They think because I’m home all day (I WFH) that means that I’m available to do things and when I tell them I can’t go anywhere because I’m working, I am called lazy and made to feel guilty that I’m not spending enough time with them.

They don’t have “inside voices” and my father slams every door and cabinet. He’s so aggressive with literally everything he does. I don’t understand it.

When their dog barks (she’s just a small little pompom) they think the appropriate response is to yell at her to stop. They don’t seem to realize that their yelling is louder and more annoying than the dog barking (she literally barks like 2-3 times and then stops, it ain’t like she’s going nonstop for 30 minutes or something lol).

I think the most annoying thing is all the comments about what I eat. I specifically avoid doing the counting calories and carbs and sugar bullshit because for 12 years I suffered with an ED. And part of recovery was to not focus so much on micromanaging my food. Of course I look at the nutritional information on the bag, but I’m not counting how many blueberries I can put in my pancakes. My mother is a counter. And she thinks not eating is a flex. “I only had 10 blueberries, 1 piece of toast, and 6 grapes for breakfast. But I couldn’t even finish it all. I threw away half of it.” And she tells me these things randomly. I don’t ask about it because I don’t care. My mom is an almond mom lol.

It’s become so hard to enjoy our meals because they always have something negative to say about it. Yesterday I made Indian food (butter chicken) and the entire time I’m cooking they’re sitting in the living room making comments about how it’s unhealthy. Pretty much any ethnic food, to them, is unhealthy. And most of my dishes lately have been Indian and Japanese food. And a lot of vegan stuff too (I’m not vegan, I just happen to make a lot of vegan dishes lol). I just want to cook and eat in peace lol.

[yrbutchgf]

2 6 10 12!

2. What's your top 5 songs at the moment and why?

OOOH okay okay... i think first i'm gonna go white ferarri, been on a bit of a frank ocean kick again lately and i just love that song by him. all the background vocals make it feel so atmospheric and between that and the melancholic lyrics, it feels like being hugged very gently in a cold room. in our lifetime by texas is also up there for sure; i forget what mutual put it on my dash a few weeks ago but i've loved it since. about by another michael bc. well. i envision music videos in my head. unholy ghosts by david keenan is just generally one of my favorite songs and i'm always surprised it hasn't gotten as much play as i think it has. lastly, desert scene by uncle chris, one of my current fave long songs. makes walking home feel like a movie.

6. Describe one of your favourite people.

kinda tall, but it's easy to forget that when you're around him for some reason? he's nearly 6ft but he has 5'6" energy. really funny, great sense of style. has been working on being more earnest w himself lately.

10. Share a recipe you love.

винигрет!! it's a russian beet/root vegetable salad. learned this my sophomore year of college because my professor brought some in for a lesson on food culture. i'm gonna put it below the cut, but it includes beets, white potatoes, carrots, pickles, white onions (optional), and dill (garnish). some people also put peas in it. served cold. i've made this for other people a ton of times and i always love it. it's my go-to meal-for-friend.

12. What's your favourite season and why?

i've said this before, but i think every time a new season comes around, i end up loving it just before it ends. i don't really like summer as a weather pattern, but by the time summer's ending, i realize i'm going to miss it, for example. but i think if i had to pick, i'd go winter. as long as i get snow, at least. i like bundling up, being chilly, coming in from the cold. lovely.

ok recipe time

винигрет - ingredients: beets (whole/raw or canned/boiled, not pickled), carrots (whole), white potatoes, white onions (optional but recommended), dill pickles, fresh dill (optional but recommended, NEVER dried), white vinegar, oil (optional). may add green peas.

wash and clean your veggies. don't bother peeling.

bring a large pot of water to a boil. if you bought your beets raw/whole, boil those first, as they'll take the longest time to do so. otherwise, start with the white potatoes.

while your beets are boiling, take this time to start chopping* your dill pickles and white onions. i personally don't think you can go overboard with pickles in this salad. i've used a whole jar to make a couple tupperwares of this before. as you chop, add your ingredients to a large mixing bowl.

once your beets/potatoes finish boiling, use a set of tongs to transfer them to a large bowl of cold water/icewater. the temperature shock will make the skin of the veggie very easy to remove. this is especially satisfying for the beets lol. canned boiled beets are way more convenient time-wise but i recommend boiling the beets yourself at least once because it's just so satisfying.

in the same pot, begin boiling your potatoes/carrots. meanwhile, chop* your beets/potatoes and combine them with your pickles and onions in the mixing bowl.

do the same for the carrots.

mix everything together. at this point, you can add white vinegar and oil to taste. fair warning, have a light hand with the oil, i've learned from experience that too much oil is WAAAAY way worse than too little, and frankly this salad is delicious with none at all too.

at this point you can add some fresh dill on top for added flavor, throw in some green peas if you'd like, then cover and throw in the fridge for a few hours/overnight. serve cold.

TL;DR, boil & chop up beets, white potatoes, and carrots. chop dill pickles and white onions. combine. add white vinegar and vegetable oil to taste. add green peas, fresh dill if desired. allow to chill.

notes: you can very much just eyeball the proportions, but i will say a few things. 1) you always need less potato than you think but boiling extra potatoes is never a bad thing because potatoes are a lovely little snack. 2) the beets are always going to be the star of the show, this is a beet salad. the end result should be mostly red. 3) you can never have enough pickles in this. like, to me the two non-negotiable ingredients in this are beets and pickles. not for nothing the whole flavor profile is dill. 4) white onions are optional and so is the oil but the white vinegar absolutely is not. trust. it doesn't take much either a tablespoon will bring you so far.

if you're nervous about getting the proportions right, just google винигрет and take the image results as references.

*russians can be very particular about the way you chop things for винигрет. good knife skills are everything if you want to impress with this. the idea essentially is to cube everything (fresh dill and white onions notwithstanding). to be honest, as long as everything is relatively the same size, it'll be just as good.

can be served by itself as a hardy salad, as a side dish, or with rye toast. lovely any time of the day. couldn't tell you how long it lasts in the fridge or whether it stands up to freezing (though i imagine it would) because whenever i make it, it always gets finished too quickly to say.

[anna-mellgren]

I think it is fascinating how much we change as we age, even well into our 20s or even 30s. In high school I dreamed of leaving suburbia and perhaps becoming a reporter or work at an NGO in some war-torn country (I had a lot of ideas about my future career while growing up). I think anything which seemed like the polar opposite of American suburbia appealed to me. I contemplated going to college and then going to law school in the USA but I was conflicted because an American JD would not let me work in the courts in Sweden if I wanted to move back home & that is what truly interested me. As a teenager, I had this irrational deep fear of becoming an American housewife in a cookie-cutter American suburb. It is hard to explain but I just know that I would end up like the main character in the movie ''Revolutionary Road '' if I went down that path. I would be miserable and it wouldn’t matter if I lived in Greenwich, CT or Edina, Minnesota. I know some girls dream of the American suburban housewife life but it has always been a bit of a nightmare scenario for me.  I wouldn’t mind living in a suburb nearly as much in Sweden because I've never felt the suburban claustrophobia in Sweden that I felt in the USA.  I am not sure why but some of the Americans I went to school with were insanely sheltered & I think that played a big part. For example, one girl I went to school with had attended our private school from kindergarten through 12 grade, she then went to a Christian University close by with 99.9% white people & afterward became a teacher at the same school she attended while growing up. She also married the first guy she ever dated. A lot of people I went to school with live out a version of that. Going to college with like-minded liberals from all over the USA was definitely a breath of fresh air.  The reason I mention this is because some Americans were stunned that I took a gap year after high school and had this belief it can bring someone down the wrong path? I have barely met a Swede that didn't take a gap year after high school... it is all about perspective. One of my childhood friends definitely partied and traveled a lot when we were younger... but guess what? She became a mother & doctor. There are plenty of people like this in Sweden. My mom went island hopping in Greece with her friends when she was 16... I am not even sure I would allow it at that age if I ever have a daughter lol. What an American deems sinful, a European might deem normal. The only difference is that the European will have better stories to tell at the retirement home.

I could feel a sense of melancholia in the USA (even though Americans were extremely kind) that I have never felt in Sweden. Looking back now, I know it was homesickness but also feeling like I was living in a slightly boring bubble. My American friends would go to bible study on weekends while my Swedish friends could take a ryanair flight to Rome & live it up for the weekend (even though they were not even 18 yet lol). The suffocation I felt in high school inspired me to live in Argentina for a year as an exchange student and to take a gap year to travel after high school (hands down the best decisions I have ever made). I will always travel a bit but I feel like I got a good dose of traveling when I was younger which permanently satisfied my wanderlust but I know my curiosity will bring me to new places now & then throughout life. I don’t look down on women who chose the suburban American housewife life - I am only saying it would never make me happy. As I got older I realized my dream is not to work as a reporter or at an NGO in some war-torn country & travel constantly either… instead I crave stability, peace, nature & a job with meaning. I feel like I got my dose of adventure and living it up in my 20s… now I just want to chill and go camping.

I know I will always want a job, I want to travel and to have a purpose. The only place I would consider living in the USA is NYC. A lot of growing up involves evolving and gradually eliminating what we don’t want. I now know I want to be close to nature in northern Sweden where I am surrounded by mountains, lakes, forests, open fields & rivers but I might live in NYC for a few years before my time is done on earth because it is a thrilling place filled with interesting people. I would never live in NYC permanently because I know I need to be close to nature to feel good in the long run - It would be a fun adventure for a while at best.

Another thing that has changed as I have gotten older is that I am not impressed by people anymore (including myself). I am genuinely not impressed by money, education & looks. I can't stand pretentious people or anyone who looks down on anyone poor (who were often just given a really rough hand in life which was often out of their control). I think I was drawn to guys with egos when I was younger because it was so foreign to me... Swedish men can be a lot of things but they generally do not tend to have the same egos as I have seen in men abroad. Not to be blunt but growing up in Sweden humbles you... it doesn't matter how pretty you are because someone down the street will knock you off your throne before your ego gets too big and I honestly think that plays a part lol. I also think there is less jealousy & rivalry between Swedish women compared to what I have seen from women abroad too. I think growing up in a strong feminist society has a lot to do with that. People with huge egos are now my biggest pet peeve.

Now I can be impressed by someone who works very hard… like a nurse who is a single mom & working her ass off to provide a good life for her child. Or someone who made a lot of money in finance and actually used that money to help the less fortunate instead of buying a second yacht. I remember in college in the USA when my friend broke her laptop and was crying over it in the library, she was a scholarship student & a very sweet girl who worked hard. Me and a few others were thinking of pooling money together to get her a new laptop but before we could do so a guy she barely knew (who had seen her in the library) bought her a brand new top-of-the-line laptop + virus protection the same afternoon. He asked for nothing in return and she barely saw him again. That left a lasting impression on me & the few times I ran into him at college parties he was always super nice & down to earth. I never got to know him well because I moved back to Europe but there were never any airs about him... he was definitely far more down to earth than anyone I went to school with before that. He never wore luxury brands, he didn't flash anything on social media or in real life ... people only realized he was quite loaded when his parents donated a few million dollars to the school after he graduated. His kind gesture to my friend impressed me a lot more than him driving a porsche ever would but he rode a bike at school like everyone else even though his parents were billionaires. You could argue that a laptop was small change for him but I doubt Donald Trump Jr would take time out of his day to do the same for a cash-strapped girl he barely knew. I hope he is living his best life now. The only thing that can impress me now is a person’s character & how they treat people. 

She is the poem - June Bates

[purplesurveys]

1814

1. Who was the last person you forgave? How long did it take you to forgive them? I haven't had to forgive someone in a while; I don't get in much conflict anymore.

2. Is going mushroom hunting in the woods something that would interest you? No. Don't mushrooms like, run the risk of being super deadly? I don't have nearly enough knowledge about them to identify which ones would be safe to touch and such.

3. What is your favorite junk food? How about your favorite health food? Mozzarella sticks, arancini, pork isaw, French fries. Favorite health food...uhhhhh idk do salad wraps count? Haha they're my favorite thing to get these days! Saladstop has this Caesar wrap that I have probably at least once a week at this point.

4. Are you listening to anything right now? Do you normally listen to music while you take surveys? No, I prefer it to be quiet now. Sometimes I do but most of the time I find it really distracting and I end up taking like, double, triple the time I'd otherwise normally take doing surveys.

5. What were you doing the last time you hung out with a friend? It was well over a month ago but I saw my closest friends for a Christmas gift exchanging + dinner. We were supposed to head to a café after to continue talking, but while walking we saw this vapery(?) - idk what to call it, but it's a coffee shop that also sells vapes and allows you to do so inside - and went there instead and chatted it up with the owners since we were the only customers there.

Reena had to leave after an hour and the vapery was closing soon too, so Angela, Hans, and I went to Anj's house so we could TALK SOME MORE. Hahaha. We only see each other, like, quarterly now, so we're usually stuffed to the brim with stories when we have the time to see each other.

6. Is there anything about you that might cause others to dislike you? I tend to choose who I want to talk to, so those I might not approach may find me aloof and uninterested. It's because I am tbh, lol.

7. Is there anything you’re really particular or specific about, anything that has to be done a certain way every time? I'm very particular at work. I like things presented or explained a certain way; and I have the tendency to either overhaul a Powerpoint if I think it's lacking in how it's been made, or chime in for someone if I think they explain something in a way that I think is poorly.

8. Are there any chores you need to get done today? Just get rid of the mug and glass that's been sitting in my room and wash them.

9. Where was the last place you went shopping and what did you buy? I went to Landmark to buy a pastel gown + heels for the 18th birthday party of a family friend that I'm going to later this evening.

10. What was the last big change you made to your physical appearance? Dyeing my hair back to purple a couple of months ago.

11. Are you more likely to shut people out of your life or try to fix things no matter what? I will cut people off.

12. Where was the last place you went out to eat? Is going out something you enjoy or would you rather cook at home? To Red Keep last weekend just for some little me time. I had a spamsilog and a white mocha, which I had while filling in my journal and reading my book.

I like eating out because I can't cook, but I limit it because doing that everyday for every meal is super unsustainable. Plus with me resigning and not having an immediate job replacement, I'm gonna be a bit of a hardass on myself not to spend much until I can find a new source of income.

13. If you have any pets, do they seem to notice when you’re sick or sad? Not really, but it's okay with me. Kimi though is a different story; he liked keeping to himself but he would walk towards me if he can sense that I'm stressed or close to tears.

15. Is anything you’ve done lately going to matter in a year?  Yeah, absolutely.

16. What was the subject of your last phone call? It was a guy dropping off something at the office and needing to be guided STEP BY FUCKING STEP to get there. I don't have problems helping out people with directions, but I've also just never dealt with someone who needed to be told every turn, every stop, every move... and especially over the phone where I wouldn't be able to see where he was standing haha.

17. Are your hobbies something you’d rather do alone or with others? On my own. I don't like going to museums with someone else just cos it makes me super self conscious? Like I can stay 3-4 hours in one museum alone and I'm also not a big talker when I'm immersed, so I might just end up boring a companion to death.

18. Is there anything about yourself that you’re trying to improve? Trying to be gentler towards my teammates as I know everyone is overwhelmed and tired as it is.

19. What are you doing today? I went to the dentist and had a horrible experience because they were 1 hour late to our appointment; got a big order of flavored fries and corndogs to cheer myself up after the grueling wait; took a nap; and now I'm just killing time before I'd need to get up and prep for the debut I'm attending tonight.

20. What did you dream about last night? I can't remember. But in my nap an hour ago I dreamt that we went to Japan, but it was an overnight stay LOL so I spent more time at the airport than I did in the country.

21. When was the last time you visited relatives? Do you see extended family often? It was during the whole Christmas/New Year timeline when we drove out to see different sides of extended family. I'd say these things happen pretty much only during the holidays, but occasionally in the middle of the year when things end up being planned we'd also visit family then.

22. What was the last relaxing thing you did? Last weekend was a major Chef's Kiss weekend. I'm amazed at how peaceful it felt and the calming effect it had on me. Saturday I went to Red Keep where I dined al fresco, wrote in my journal, and read my book until the sun set and I couldn't read anymore. Sunday I spent the afternoon in UP where I sat under a tree and alternated between people-watching and finishing my book as the afternoon rolled on.

23. Will this weekend be better than last weekend? Nothing will top the past weekend, I'm afraid.

24. When was the last time you were there for a friend? Just the last couple of weeks. Angela's morale has been down what with the pressure of studying for the architecture boards, and I've been there to listen but also give advice if she needs it.

25. Do you have any jewelry you almost never take off? At one point it was the necklace Reena gave me, but it started to itch so I've removed it for now.

26. What are some of your favorite words? Poignant, eloquent, vivacious...and indicted and viscount just because I'm fascinated with how they're both pronounced nothing like they're spelled lol.

27. Do you have any journals from when you were younger? If so, do you ever go back and read them? No I think I got rid of them years ago because they were all pretty embarrassing to me and it's not really something I'd want to keep.

28. Are there any holidays you used to celebrate, but no longer do? I no longer observe Christmas for the Christian reason. I'm just here for the food.

29. What was the last occasion for which you dressed up? A family friend's daughter's 18th birthday party, from which I just came home actually.

30. Is there anything you wish you could say to anyone? I wish you could trust me more because today was very telling of how much you don't, and that kind of stung.

[pmbueckers]

— for evermore

01 ‘tis the damn season

⌞and it always leads to you in my hometown⌝ – taylor swift ⋆⁺₊❅.

pairing – paige bueckers x fem oc!dorothea greene

summary – they’ve been at it since highschool, this back and forth, but what happens if and when paige and thea finally realize this hometown situationship might be worth something more?

word count – 3.7k

warnings – idgaf abt punctuation, language

links – masterlist , series masterlist

authors note – find all the information abt this fic with the link above! tried my very best to line it up with the ttds lyrics but giving it my own twist/meaning. it makes sense to me but thats coming from a chronic swiftie so idk if its gonna be confusing for others or not.. pls lmk but be nice lol

dorothea greene pov, december 2023

if i wanted to know who you were hanging with while i was gone i would have asked you 

its been three years since we graduated and no matter how much i told myself the throwing of our caps in the air was it, the symbolic end, i knew myself better than that. i knew her better. i knew us better.

because you can never truly escape paige bueckers.

shes like vines, and once youre in, youre in.

im going home tonight, to celebrate the holidays with my family and hometown friends, but the odds that i dont see her are slim to none. and shes all i can think about as im trying to pack. everything im throwing in my bag, a reminder of her. the shoes she got me for my birthday years ago, my favorite t shirt to sleep in that may or may not be hers. even what im wearing to the goddamn airport, a sweatsuit i bought at the mall of america with her, and a necklace she gave to me before we graduated that i cant muster the strength to give up.

i know i dont mean anything to her anymore, honestly i dont know if i even meant that much to her back then, but i cant help but be conflicted myself, why is it the whole year im fine, “cured” of paige bueckers, but the second it hits december and i know snow is falling back home, i need to be back in hopkins wrapped up in her arms? she probably has someone else by now. no, she definitely has someone else by now. this shouldnt be so hard. i just need to go back home, and not get drawn back in. easier said than done.

im loading all my things into my car, this car, damn we did it in her car too didnt we? see, what did i say? constant. reminders.

its the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass but i felt it when i passed you 

fuck, “snap out of it” i murmur to myself over and over while loading my bags. its not too many bags so im just piling them into my passenger seat as im paying to keep my car parked at the airport while im gone.

i head back up to my apartment to lock it up then im pulling out of my places parking ramp and am on the freeway to the airport, a peaceful car ride, that is till i get a notification that makes my heart jump and car nearly swerve off the road. and i know its abt to begin, im abt to fall back in, but i cant help it.

paige bueckers

Hey

Whats your break schedule

read 6:21 pm

dorothea greene

hi.

ive got the next four weeks of classes off but im only going to be home for abt two.

deciding to only stay home for about two weeks to minimize the amount of damage i can do involving her, but i decide to keep that part out.

Cool

When’s your flight?

in two hours actually

im on the road rn

Don’t crash pls

I prefer you alive

i roll my eyes and let out a little snicker, thankful she cant hear, but typical paige having to sneak at least something in. im glancing up and down from my phone to the road, dont text and drive is repeating in my head in my moms voice, but its paige. the exact reason why im afraid to go home.

funny

Its the truth

So your landing in 6 hrs then?

At 12?

nice math

Alr alr chill 😂

How you getting home from the airport its gonna be late

Prolly like 1 am

yeah ik

thats what ubers are for paige

Nah uh no way

What if its a creep

I’ll come get you

no

i cant ask u to do that

u wont get home till like two

(a lie, im overestimating, but i really wasnt intenting on seeing paige this early on my trip back home.)

U aint askin im offering

Plus I want to

hm yeah right why is that paige

Aint it obvious comon

I miss you Thea.

read 6:43

theres an ache in you put there by the ache in me but if its all the same to you its the same to me 

and just like that, those three words, eight letters. that i so wish were three different ones, eight different letters, ones im sure shes said to someone else, someone new in connecticut. but i cant bother to care about right now because at least i got something, something to show that maybe she still cares a little bit. a little bit about me.

i dont know if this is a mistake, even though i think i do. i know i do. even though i just told myself a couple of hours ago i wasnt going to do this. but hell, going from trying to not see her at all to her being the first person i see is almost comical.

okay.

im going to be in terminal one

gate G20.

Damn was kinda hopin for a diff kinda rsp

Guess that’ll do…

you’re so pushy omg

i miss you too p.

That’s more like it 😊

i hate you sm

Nah

You dont.

read 6:49

paige is right, which she knows. i dont hate her, i never could, and i dont think i ever will. that is what hurts the most. no matter how much i have to remind myself of the routine and how much this will never go anywhere, how her words are empty, only sounding full and meaningful for the week or two we are in the same city, i dont know how to stop. bc its her. its paige. my paige.

the rest of my travel night goes by in a blur, i paid for my car to be parked in the garage, i checked my bags, went through security, waited at the gate, and am now on the plane where i would normally get a nice four hour nap in so the ride would go by quicker, i dont, because i dont know if im prepared to land, to see whos waiting for me once this plane lands in minnesota. but just like that it does, it lands.

thankfully, im seated near the back of the aircraft so i have a little bit more time wasting im able to do, i find myself walking to baggage claim extremely slow its almost comical, praying my bag isnt one of the first ones out, but of course it is. curse you universe. im plotting on how im gonna look lost outside, how i purposefully cant find her car like i have no idea what it looks like, like i dont have her license plate number memorized. like we havent done unspeakable shit in that car, unable to wait a ten minute drive home from a random bar.

that is until i look up from my phone, suspicious because she hasnt texted me about her whereabouts outside yet, and i spot a little ways down the strip of the airport, a strikingly bright blonde head of hair that i would recognize anywhere.

my pace, unbeknownst to me, picks up, and as i get closer i can make out that shes holding up a sign. not huge and flashy, but modest, smaller, she begins to walk towards me as well with what i can make out so far as the biggest grin on her face i have ever seen. that im sure my own face is reflecting. the closer she gets the more clear her sign becomes, it reads, ‘welcome home thea’ as she flips it to the back that says ‘ive missed you most’. at this point ive completely ditched my bags and have just jumped in her arms, a giggling mess. god im a child. my arms are wrapped around her neck, hers around my waist, lifting me up off the floor slightly, breathing into my neck.

a couple of hours ago i said i wasnt going to get drawn back in, now im in the middle of the airport looking like a lovesick idiot. 

so we could call it even you could call me babe for the weekend 'tis the damn season 

“hi baby” she mumbled against my skin and heart just about burst. i missed her so much. i pull back to look at her face, i just want to look at her face, i could forever. with my hands cupping her face. her rosy cheeks from being outside in the minnesota weather all cold, trying to warm her up.

as shes setting me down shes wiping hair out of my face, off of my forehead, looking deep into my eyes with her ocean blue ones, “god i missed you.” she whispered, quiet enough to be heard by just us, like a secret she didnt want anyone around us to hear in fear of it breaking. “so ive heard” i say back to her, moving my face closer to hers, with a smug but playful grin on my lips. and my arms are right back around her neck as im saying into her ear “i missed you too p.” scattering small kisses across the side of her head. on her ear, hairline, neck, temple. i know better. but at this point, theres no going back. and its not on her lips, so what damage is it really doing?

i back away and intertwine my hand with hers while looking into her eyes, “lets go home, k?” i say while nodding my head in encouragement, “okay” she mumbles, while squeezing my hand, and grabbing my bags for me off of the floor. shes perfect, for these next two weeks shes going to be perfect. 

write this down, im stayin at my parents house and the road not taken looks real good now, and it always leads to you in my hometown 

im in her passenger seat, like ive been in drastically different situations many times before, as we’ve finally made it out of the god awful airport pickup zone. ive been day dreaming out this window for who knows how long, about her of course. because when im with her as happy as it makes me, it only confuses me more. and it drives me insane.

thats when i feel her right hand creep up on my thigh from the drivers side in soothing circles, “thea? hey did you hear what i said?” my eyes jerk down to her hand and then towards her eyes. “sorry p, whats up?” because i genuinely did miss her question. but theres some look etched on her face, one i havent seen before, and it makes me take a big gulp of water thats been sitting in her car for possibly ages, as im all of a sudden afraid of what shes gonna say.

her hand continues to rub soothing circles on my thigh while her eyes i swear are staring into the deepest parts of my soul, i should be worried considering shes currently driving on the highway but i cant seem to care, the way she looks at me makes me feel like im the only person in the world. “hey are you okay?” she says sincerely, “what?” i say almost too loudly, “sorry, yeah no im good p”, safe to say that wasnt what i was expecting her to ask. i dont know what i was, but it wasnt that. not something that made her seem like she cares deeper about me than whats on the surface level. actually able to tell when somethings going on with me. whatever, its probably nothing. “alright thea,” as her goddamn hand is almost territorially sitting on my thigh now, like shes trying to protect me from the heat coming out of the ac in the car.

“you never told me where im takin you.” she states, looking at me with her cute but smuggish at the same time grin. “yeah right, sorry, uh im staying with my parents. i’ll send you the address.” i ramble, trying to get this car ride to go by quicker. i swear shes driving slower on purpose. just to see me squirm. i see out of the corner of my eye as im going to send her the address her hand coming up to my phone, shes setting my hands down in my lap, and then turning my chin to face her, “thea. enough with the sorries. and i know were your parents live baby you dont need to send me the address.” she lets out a chuckle, but not one making fun, a light hearted one, as her hand moves to find mine and intertwines our fingers in my lap. but i know paige better than anyone, before we were whatever this is, we were friends, bestfriends. so of course she lets no teasing opportunity pass her by,

“damn,” she says, looking down at my phone, that has our messages open, “legal name as the contact name is lethal” she says, looking up at me with a smirk, i shove her shoulder trying not to give her the satisfaction of a laugh and am then playing with the rings on her fingers. “alright p i would like a better suggestion. your name as your name in my phone makes complete sense to me. now i dont even wanna know what you got me as in yours,” i say with a chuckle, but also leaving it on a hint, i do wanna know. its probably nothing special, but paige is right, anything other than my full name would be special.

“oh really?” shes looking at me with that smirk, god it kills me. shes pulled out her phone and opened it up to my contact, 'thea 💚'. it really seems like nothing special to the blind eye, but it is to me. not even my full first name, my nickname, with a heart that just about makes my own burst. because its not just any, one of my favorite color, that ironically is the same as my last name. no words are exchanged between us. just two pairs of eyes looking deeply into one another, faces with the biggest grins on them, while the rest of the car ride was silent. the center console of her car jabbing into the left side of my rib cage so my head was able to lean on her shoulder with her hand in my lap the whole way home. our hearts beating almost too romantically in sync the whole way to my parents house.

paige, despite what i knew she wanted to do, dropped me off at home. she pulled into my parents driveway with her headlights off, sure to not wake them, and though the door wasnt even twenty feet away, “im still walking you to it” she insisted, while grabbing my bags from the backseat.

i unlocked my front door, placed my bags inside and turned to the tall blonde, looking up into her icy blue eyes. “thank you for getting me p. and bringing me home,” i whispered the last part as i reach up to place my arms around her neck, as her arms find their familiar home around my waist. i couldnt tell you how long we stood there for, swaying lightly, not wanting to let one another go, with my front door wide open letting all the cold minnesota air in. like when i come back home, and let paige back in.

i finally pulled away looking into her eyes, mumbling “but i cant let you in. i want to, but i cant, p.” paige sighs, looking down at our feet, then back at me, “i know baby, its okay.” she spoke while wiping baby hairs away from my face and once again scooping me up in a hug. her breath warm agaisnt the left crevice where my neck and shoulder meet. i want to let her in so bad, but i cant because i know myself. i know her. i know us. and she knows it too. one thing will lead to another. and i need to try to hold out for as long as possible, as much as its killing me.

as paige pulls away she leaves a kiss on my cheek and mumbles, “i’ll see you soon. get some sleep okay?” looking at me with questioning eyes and a raised eyebrow. god shes so cute. “okay.” i breathe out, reaching down to grab both of her hands. till she starts to back away, i find myself trying to hold onto the tips of her fingers for as long as possible as shes whispering goodbye and just like that her car is backing out of the driveway, and im standing under the porch light. alone. i know this scene all too well. we arent in highschool anymore, i have to remind myself, so i turn around and head inside before i overthink our situation, again.

i parkеd my car right between the methodist and thе school that used to be ours

with playlists blasting in my ears, im unpacking my bags in my childhood room, tidying it up because my mom has turned it into her own personal closet while ive been gone, finding little knickknacks that meant everything to me as a kid.

i stumble upon a hopkins basketball sweatshirt on my closet floor, i wonder who that belongs to? a cross on my wall from our communities church event. from the same church i went to every sunday that i would always find myself sitting next to paige at.

and cleaning my bathroom i so luckily have attached to my bedroom, putting away my toiletries, opening a drawer that still has some of her things in it from when she would stay over almost every night, all as im about to get in the shower before i finally try and get some sleep.

thats when my music pauses to signify a ding of a notification. its paige, of course.

paige bueckers

U up?

read 2:13 am

thea 💚

nope

Alr 1 ur mean 2 I thought I told u to sleep

one you love me

two shouldnt u not be textin me then?

Damn u right on both tbh

But nah yk I cant leave u alone

read 2:17am

overthinking is my speciality, but am i doing that right now? because in all of our years of just being friends we expressed our gratitude for one another, but since we’ve been whatever the fuck this is, flirt, hookup, ghost, paige has never even said the words “i like you” to me.

we both know we care so deeply for one another, possibly more, but its complicated. our lives never worked out together that way, never overlapped, so we accepted the mutual heartbreak but kept pushing forward with this toxic cycle anyways because neither of us could bare not having the other in our life anymore.

did she just admit that she loves me? nah. no fucking way. we say shit in playful tones like that all time. oh you love me this you love me that. but shes never admitted it back, not like that. what is going on. god its late, get out of your head thea. play it cool.

yeah ur lowkey annoying

highkey actually

Alr get out

U love me back dw ik

mm debatable 

Ouch

Wyd tmr

i dont know actually

my parents arent awake to make any plans with lol

Oh so I get u first

ok who said that??

You basically 😊

paige madison omg

Hey that reminds me

You change that contact name yet??

that rlly buggin you huh

Maybe

then i might just keep it

Thea istg

alr alr chill i will change it 😂

dorothea greene changed paige bueckers contact to 'paige 💜'

And I will pick u up at noon?

where tf did i agree to that?

Would you rather meet somewhere?

i dont see where i agreed to do anything with you

I want to see you

paige.

you just saw me not even an hour ago

I miss you

you cant possibly

How do you know that

You dont know I feel

I miss you

I miss you

okay will you shut up if i say yes

Um only if nice Thea shows up

okay sorry p 😂😂

Never be sorry

Sooooo I will pick you up tomorrow at noon?

you will pick me up tomorrow at noon.

Goodnight baby sleep well

Actually sleep please

read 2:35

that damn petname, nickname, whatever it is it fucking kills me and she probably has no idea. no she definitely knows and thats why she uses it.

thank god she cant see my face right now because its full blown red, completely embarrassed post screaming my lungs out into my pillow.

i will

goodnight p

see u tmr.

i just snickered to myself after sending paige those last texts. almost shameful of myself. i dont know what im doing. or maybe i do? i think its safe to say my winter break is gonna go different than i planned, but the same way as it always been whenever i dare to mix myself with paige bueckers and my hometown.

the next chapter will be finishing out the lyrics of ttds (in blue) which will be linked in the masterlist once finished! - im gonna try and make this into a full blown series incorporating other songs from the album 'evermore' going back in time as well to give some background information on their relationship, etc. we'll see how it goes...

reminder: my box is open for all requests ⋆˙⟡

[queer-reader-07]

12, 14, 20 for soft asks? <3

questions!!

12. what calms you down?

hugging my mom or my dad is probably the biggest one. and curling up in my bed at night with the lamp on and big light off. being on grandparents farm also does the trick but alas i cannot just up and go to brasil on a moments notice.

14. what's something upcoming that you're excited for?

i'm going to two concerts next week with my best friend! (i bought tickets to one, she bought tickets to the other, they ended up being the same week lol)

slightly further in the future, but i booked a little weekend trip with my best friend for next month as a little "10 year anniversary celebration and also we're fully leaning into the bit that everyone thinks we're dating"

20. tell us about a memory you hold close to your heart

god there's so many. the first one i thought of was the first time i went to brasil post covid (like post lockdown, obviously covid is still a thing). i've spent my entire life going back there every other year. my grandparents would come up to visit us on the off years. when i went back there in 2022 it had been over 4 years since i'd seen most of my mom's family, it has been 3 since i'd seen my grandparents. i remember how after nearly 48 hours of planes and airports and connecting flights, how after the 45 minute drive from the airport to the farm, i burst into tears seeing my batian and ditian. seeing my tias and tios, my cousins. seeing the place i call home away from home.

idk, it's hard sometimes being the child of an immigrant. only being able to see your family once a year if that, not knowing how much longer you have with them but knowing that you can't just go down at a moments notice. we've missed funerals and weddings and baptisms that we could've attended if only we lived in the same place. and going so many years without even seeing my moms parents was rough. i cried so many times in the intervening years not knowing when or if i'd ever see them again. so i will always cherish the fact that i did get to see them.