#but this is a christmas gift! so it counts

[xyurishux]

CHAPTER 1 - AS A WHOLE, TOGETHER

Word Count: ~1.7k

Tags: GN!reader, Mentions of family disputes

Summary: You begin to tell Sebastian how deep UrbanShades rabbit hole truly goes, starting with yourself.

Pardon any writing errors, they may happen!

“ oh sweetie, you’re not ugly, society is,”

“So,

When I was younger, life was as normal as can be. I was in mediocre family, it was me, my mom and my dad. I’d only see my mom in the morning, and when I was back from school my dad would be home for dinner. It wasn’t until way later I learned about his job, but that isn’t relevant right now. My dad was a mystery to me, he’s my dad but I didn’t know much to anything about him. I saw him everyday when I got home but it’s was for such a small period of time, did it even count?

Life was so mundane and repetitive. Go to school, pass tests, summer break then restart it all over again. Life was boring but it wasn’t difficult.

I would do anything to be back there…” You paused looking out into the ocean, it was dark you could mistake it for the above, only simply at night. You breathe out from your nose continuing on with your story.

 “Anyways, it was back in September of 2009 when my father got a promotion. Seeing his face 4 to 5 hours per day dwindled down to seeing him once every two weeks or so, usually on Sundays. He became an enigma.

“You see, something I couldn’t see at the time was that as I grew older, his need to be in my life lowered, and sadly, that same fate fell too with my mother by default.

His job already took a toll on their relationship. Only spending 4 to 5 hours with your partner every day over the span of five years isn’t so great.

My mother would see him as much as I did and now, he just wasn’t there. The signs of a falling relationship presented themselves beforehand, but now it was obvious to anyone that the only thing keeping them together was me. At least, for my mom that was the case.

“The house was more silent than it ever was empty…”

You looked to the side with your eyes to see Sebastians full attention on you, perhaps it was the story? Or maybe he didn’t have anything better to do or it might have been the way your voice spoke with full sincerity and no sarcasm. It was like someone else took control but it was undoubtedly you and he was fully enthralled.

Your eyes met and you looked back down at the cold tile as you carried on.

“Ether way, it was in November of that same year where things would shift. My mom would realize the steady money flowing in and at growing amounts. Now you have to understand that my mother isn’t of the suspicious type nor is she a person who comes up with wild conclusions. She was (and still is, I hope) a reasonable and sensible woman. She knew that this wasn’t a simple ‘promotion’, but to know where all this money came from, well…she didn’t have the slightest clue. She didn’t know and she would never know. Well, truly know…

“The first snow started to fall as December began and Winter break freed me from my studying. Shockingly, dad came home for the holidays and New Years. Funny anecdote, I remember getting my first iPhone as a gift from him that year. It was an iPhone 3GS, God the memories…my mother was not pleased in slightest.” You laughed silent tilting your head to the side as your reminisced, it was good and loyal phone…

 “Continuing on, after Christmas as a family and with the family the next day, my parents had the only disagreement I’ve ever witnessed (only a disagreement, it wasn’t enough to count as a fight).

I think it was about 2 am and the only light that was on was the one above the kitchen table. My dad was sitting facing my mother who standing up, the last of the family who came over for the party had finally left. Chip bowls and wine glasses were still scattered on the coffee table, only barely visible by the outside Christmas lights. I watched as my mom tapped her nails against the wooden chair she was partly leaning on as she took a deep breath. I could tell she was tired, exhausted even but I could also tell she had something bugging her and she needed to let it out. I watched them from the darkness that the staircase provided, I was undetectable. I listened to them talk, leaning my upper body to the wooden railing trying not to miss a single word. I don’t remember much; it was about the money at first but it was nothing compared to what my mother said next.”

“Samantha, look- “

“I’m breaking up with you”

“My mother broke up with my father. I sat upon the steps dumbfounded, I didn’t expect that from their conversation but even then, I didn’t know what to expect. The last of the conversation consisted of my father staying silent and staring at the table as my mom talked important matters to him. She told him that she would stay for the New Years and then move in with a friend in an apartment she found. After that she finished the glass of wine my dad poured for her at the start and left the kitchen when he didn’t have anything to add.

I’m pretty sure that night was the only time I saw my dad cry. He was still in love with her, never ever once thinking of ending their relationship. Never ever once thinking of loving another woman.

 Most children would walk down the stairs they sat on and go comfort their weeping father or at least ask if he was okay. But our relationship was so estranged to the point where I felt no reason to go down and comfort him. He simply was just my father, nothing else nothing more.

I watched him cry silently with his head in his hand as I sat on the steps with my legs close to my chest. I sat there for a few more minutes. I don’t know why I sat there watching for so long. Maybe I was intrigued with the sight, it was something new. A man I’ve know all my life was a mystery to me and now the last sight I might ever see of him is him crying his heart out. But soon enough I got tired, I walked back up to my bedroom and fell asleep to noise of the on going shower my mom was taking downstairs.

The next morning felt cold and unbalanced. The floor was cold to the touch and it was actually closer to noon then morning. The hall was silent as I walked down it and saw at the end of it that my mom was packing a suitcase and a large duffle bag. They were both placed on the bed with an equal amount of folded and unfolded clothes thrown around the two. It was enough to be unable to see the white and blue floral comforter underneath (or I remember it to be enough). I walked into the room and as if I didn’t witness the scene at the kitchen table last night I asked, “Are we going somewhere?”

She was so concentrated with her packing that she jumped startled when she heard my voice. With her hand over her heart, she turned to me with a forced smile (I knew that it was) and spoke words that I will never forget.”

“What were they?” Sebastian asked quietly, his full upper body now laying against the desk where you two sorted files on together almost an hour ago.

You smiled, “Well,

“Sweetheart! You scared me there,” She said, her smile faltering, “No, mommy is going somewhere, alone, but not forever. You’ll have to stay with dad for awhile.” She turned her head away as she folded a few pants and placed them into her suitcase. Then she squatted, and I had to look down to see her face. Her eyes were bloodshot and her lashes wet. I felt her hands on my upper arms as she continued to talk, “Mommy, mommy needs to go find herself for a bit, okay? Not for long but mommy needs this…I love you, eternally and always”

She left the same day with kiss on the forehead, her phone number seared into my mind and a “Be good while I’m gone, I’m a single phone call away”

And then I was there, at my door step, cold and watching as my mom entered her friend’s car with one last kiss blown to me. I caught it and placed it onto my cheek as she drove off. Now it was me and my estranged father and a lot of complex emotions I didn’t know how to decipher or begin to understand at the age of ten.”

You finished, pausing to take a breath for a second while also stretching your aching muscles.

“And then what? What does this have to do with us? With me?” Sebastian asked harshly as he raised himself from the desk.

“Give me a second, I need water and a snack, I’m a bit peckish,” you joked, smirking to him, before continuing, “Ether way, we’re barely getting into the meat of the story. I was just explaining how I got stuck with my father. Now will be getting into what he was doing

behind closed doors…”

And we start rolling, ~

@splatting-stampede

[clownartmonth]

Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating!

The time has come to open our gifts and see the all the presents created for the gift exchange. You can see all of them in the tag ‘clownblr 2023 gift exchange’ on this blog.

If you’re participating but you’re not quite done yet, don’t worry, you still have until January 5th to post your drawing. Reversely, if you are expecting a gift but haven’t received anything by January 5th, please send me a message to sort it out.

The drawing attached to this post is a gift for @unpickel of our clownsonas!

[doctorsiren]

this vile creature has finally arrived ☺️

[arkos404]

fanart for the personality swap, the lawful joke au, by @chaosaliien. happy bday dude!!

part 1, cosmic owl's wingmen tendencies vs his need to mess with his friends: FIGHT (spoiler alert its a tie)

[mortellanarts]

A few funnies that came up while writing a fic about Kurashiki & Klim fambly shenanigans pre-decision game

(*not all of these feature in the fic but I missed them :3)

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Things that sillily make me happy: the fact that in the official Buffy chess set they released, Buffy and Angel are queen and king chess pieces.

And, I mean, it just makes sense that they would do this, of course. As it looks like this set was based on early season two, as Spike and Drusilla are the king and queen pieces for black.

But Buffy and Angel being king and queen pieces works so well, since they're paired together, of course. And equal to each other... and a battle couple. And more than anything, this is great because the queen's the most powerful piece on the board and Buffy's the most powerful character in the series, of course. And her being more powerful than Angel just tracks. Because she canonically is. And this makes me think of the many times where she saved him and he was the damsel.

Anyway...

[surfinthehighway]

My stickers from @colliholly’s shop came in a couple days ago! They’re adorable!

[shima-draws]

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all!!

[guinevereslancelot]

spending money on items doesn't count if they're on sale

[sadthixx]

If anyone remembers the Kikagoods CJD doll I ordered around Christmas, well... it got cancelled.

It was delayed until April and I didn't want to wait that long, so unfortunately the CJD project is cancelled. However... I got a replacement for the doll and it's what I wanted, so in the end I'll be posting a review for that one when it arrives sometime soon.

Kikagoods has been a good service so far and their customer service is really nice so please don't blame them, and this doll I recently have replaced with is a backup to the original order. I won't be revealing it until the day it arrives because I wanna surprise y'all but the hint I'll give is PEETSOON 1/12 scale BJD.

But in all, I'm sorry I have to cancel the CJD project. In the future though, I'll save up money to make it into an Obitsu 11/Nendoroid Doll project, I have the listings saved and all I need to do is calculate how much everything will be and try for the cheapest route.

[paxdemon]

Estebans gift was thoughtful in the way it was to represent brazil as George's first win but it also means that he got the gift literally last minute lmao

Esteban saw a man selling world cup merch on the side of the road and said Wig lemme kill two birds with one stone right now

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

finally enough shelf space for a dedicated poetry section! and a highly satisfying stack of miscellaneous classics

I tried to anonymise my parents' wedding photo and accidentally gave it vague eldritch horror vibes. happy halloween i guess

[despairforme]

      Wakes up like? What year is this?

[faggotflint]

Buying myself a new laptop today, and now that I've posted it to the Internet my bitch ass anxiety can't make me back out of it

[penpalspencil]

another secret santa event! happy holidays everyone :)

[aplarotape]

ghhh i can't wait for the rest of this month to be over

i'm. legitimately so sick of christmas. sure, it's technically over now in my timezone but that's. not stopping people from shutting up about it lmao. only after that does it seem like most people will finally shut the fuck up about it in my life

christmas is literally all over everything in my life and i just have to grin and bear it. i don't want it in my life and i genuinely hate this holiday. i can't talk about how it's a legitimately painful time of year for me or how i'm sick of the holiday because i have no one to regularly talk with who doesn't celebrate it. i want to try and ignore it by diving into specific media i'm into? good luck with that whenever i try to focus on it a shit ton of stuff is christmas related

and when people say happy holidays it's like. i know damn well they're really just referring to christmas. it honestly just frustrates me more. and i'm really tired of people pretending like christmas is 100% secular. it's not. i don't feel comfortable participating it especially as an ex-christian myself and i'm tired of people getting pissy when they're told it isn't secular

i'm just. so sick and tired of it. like i have to mute entire discord servers/group chats and avoid talking with people just so i don't have to deal with it the entire day. i feel bad about it when it's with people i'm close with but. that's genuinely how it is and i'm not interested in participating in any sort of christmas activities or discussions At All