#but this does Not take away from the fact I think it's fun.
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Simon Finds A Toy pt 3
Summary: Ghost takes you out on another one of his murder trips. Why does he think you're going to run away this time? What does he have planned? Part 3 of Simon Finds a Toy.
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wc: 2.9k
content warnings/tags: slight gore, stockholm syndrome. banner by @/cafekitsune
Inspired by this ask from nonnie. I went a little different than requested but I hope you still like it!
"What's that?" you questioned, looking at the thick bracelet with trepidation. Simon didn't say anything as he stepped closer, dropping to a knee to pull up your pant leg. When you tried to pull your foot back he gripped your ankle tighter.
"Settle, pet."
Wrapping it around your limb, he latched it closed with a snick before sliding a finger between the band and your skin, checking it's tightness. Pleased with what he saw he stood, towering over you once more.
"There's no getting that off, not without the key," he looked down at you with a steady expression, "it'll tell me exactly where you are so don't think you can go wandering off."
A tracking device? Why did he feel the need to put a tracker on you? Hadn't you proven by now that you have no intention of running off? This didn't make any sense. You'd even gone into town with him before. Multiple times and never thought about running away.
Well—maybe thought about it, but not seriously.
Looking into the frightened face of a young man, you suddenly understood the reason for the ankle monitor.
When Simon had pulled down his mask in the truck after stubbing out his last cigarette, you assumed this would be like the times before. He would direct you to where he wanted you to stand, normally outside the back or side door, and then he'd go on his way.
What you weren't expecting was for him to lead you inside the factory and disappear right as you turned a corner, bumping into a group of self-proclaimed ghost hunters. The screaming between you and the other four was earsplitting.
That had been hours ago, back when everyone was still alive and hadn't spent the night being hunted by Ghost. You almost wanted to make a joke about it. About how they were looking for ghosts and they found one, why weren't they happier? But that would be in poor taste. Especially considering the guy in front of you was the last one alive out of his group.
He hadn't cottoned onto the fact that you weren't nearly as banged up as the rest of them had been. Probably because you were liberally coated in blood. It was smeared all along the side of your face, into your hair and down one side of your body. Courtesy of Ghost slamming you into a puddle of the second victim's blood.
When you'd landed on top of the still warm body you had strangled your scream by the skin of your teeth, scrambling off of her quickly to press against the wall, watching the way her eyes seemed to slowly cloud as the time when on, face slack above the blood that was still spreading. She'd had her throat cut and her stomach opened. Looking at her viscera had your own organs squirming in discomfort but with deep breaths you settled.
You'd stumbled across two more bodies, both murdered horribly in unique ways. Was Ghost having fun with this? Was he playing with them like you'd play with food? Killing them cruelly for his own amusement?
The blood had mostly dried in the time you'd been moving through the hallways, unsure if you were looking for Ghost or for the two remaining group members. Your choice was taken from you when you had to duck under the pipe that was swung towards your head from around the corner. You scrambled out of range only to see the youngest of the group, a man named Ren, peak out from around the corner, still holding onto the bar and looking terrified.
"Oh god, I thought you were him," he gasped in a quavery voice, dropping the far end of the pipe onto the ground with a bang. When you didn't say anything he continued worriedly, "You're okay, right? I didn't get you?"
"No, I'm fin—"
"You're bleeding," he interrupted, finally noticing the blood, his face went gray at the sight.
"It's not mine. It was— there was this girl. With a red shirt—?"
Watching as the realization of who's blood was covering you hit him about broke your heart. In that moment you wanted to leave. You wanted to take his hand and sneak past Ghost, get outside and run. You could do it, you knew you could. You knew how he thought, you'd be able to avoid him. This guy in front of you didn't have to die.
You shifted forward a step, mind spinning, already making plans when you felt your pant leg catch on your ankle monitor. Oh. That's right.
He'd planned for this. For any wavering feelings you might have during this little—what? This little experiment? It felt like an experiment, like he was testing you to see what you'd do in increasingly stressful situations. What an asshole.
That seriously limited your options but you weren't ready to give up quite yet. You wouldn't be able to go with him but maybe you could still get him out. You could distract Ghost while Ren snuck out the side. Maybe that would work.
Decision made you hurried to his side, grabbing his free hand to tug him along with you urgently, "We have to go. If we stay here he's going to find us."
Stumbling down the hall, you both hurried quickly through the dark, keeping a watch for any looming shadows. When you reached a crossroads in the mess of connecting passageways you paused, panting slightly, and turned to look at Ren.
"There's a door down that way," you huffed, pointing to the left, "It's a side door so you should be able to sneak out. I'll go the other way and distract him, give you more time to run."
"What? Are you insane, why wouldn't you leave too?"
As you stood there and argued you were acutely aware of the time slipping past. Ren wouldn't listen when you told him that without a distraction neither of you were getting out of there, that you needed to play decoy so he could run.
"Either you come with me or I'm not going," he finally announced, crossing his arms with a mulish look. At this point you were at a loss. You'd already wasted too much time when you hadn't had any extra to spare.
In your rushing panic you made a mistake.
"I know him, he's not going to hurt me. But you can still get out."
Ren froze. It didn't look like he was breathing, he was so still. As soon as the words left you mouth you wished you could stop them. Now you had to watch as his face filled with disgust and betrayal alike.
"What do you mean you know him? You're with that monster?"
"Well, I—"
He took a step back, face an expression of anger and cut you off, "Why are you two doing this? What did we ever do to you?"
"No, it's not like that—"You raised a hand, watching him flinch backwards before planting his feet once more.
"Is this a trap? Did you lead me here to kill me?" He looked around, panic starting to fill him as he swung the pipe through the air as if Ghost was going to materialize out of the dark at any second.
"Ren, if you'd just—"
You ducked under the swing of the pipe, wincing as it clanged against the wall loudly, announcing your presence to everyone. You held your hands up in entreaty, watching the reason slowly drain from his eyes.
You were considering how you were going to get out of there when Ghost appeared behind him like his namesake, stepping out of the shadows as if he had always been there. Looks like Ren had had the right idea with that pipe. Too bad he had changed his focus to you.
You muffled your sigh of relief as soon as you realized it was you making the sound.
It was the work of moments for Ghost to immobilize him, playing dirty and digging his fingers into the stab wound low on Ren's side to make him double over and heave at the pain. You watched it all happen, not doing anything to help either party. The conclusion obvious before the fight even started.
You looked at where Ren was pinned firmly in place, wrapped up in the larger man's arms, unable to do more than thrash helplessly as Ghost stood there looking bored. When he glared at you through tears you had to avoid his gaze.
"Well?" Ghost asked, tone almost bored considering the circumstances. As if this was just another day for him. "Are you ready to try?"
Your blank look up at his mask did nothing but make him chuckle meanly, cruel beneath the bony face plate as he held the squirming, crying man.
"I don't understand what you're asking," you ventured hesitantly, unsure.
"Come now sweetheart, don't play stupid. I made sure to show you a couple of different cuts you could use on the meat, did any of them pique your interest?"
That was the reason for the strange ways the first three had died? He was showing off for you? Giving you examples?
Your throat clicked as you swallowed dryly, putting the warm feeling of someone thinking about you and giving you a gift off the the side to be examined never if you had your way.
You were still avoiding Rens accusatory gaze so what's one more thing to ignore.
"Well, sweetheart? We don't have all night."
What was he actually asking? Was there a trick somewhere in there for you? Something that if you were clever enough would get you out of this situation? He had never been that kind before but maybe this was the first.
No. Ghost would twist the knife as he pulled it out, just to make sure you felt it.
Ren's gaze was angry and afraid over the seal of Ghost's hand covering his mouth as you stood there in bewilderment, trying to find a way out of this mess. His eyes blamed you for all his misfortune because it was safer than blaming Ghost.
You stopped looking at his eyes all together.
At this point you had to see him as a non-entity. He was going to die. There wasn't a way out of that, Ghost had him in his grip and he wouldn't be leaving this factory. The morning light was going to find his body no matter what.
So what were you really choosing?
If his death was a forgone conclusion then you must be deciding on how he would die. If it would be by Ghost or yourself.
On one hand you wanted nothing to do with this. You didn't want to kill this man who was crying even as he was glaring. His eyes were puffy and there was snot running down to puddle on Ghost's glove. He looked distressingly human.
He was a man who had just lost three friends and was about to die himself. The one who wouldn't leave you there alone, who insisted that you come with. He was shaking in Ghost's hold and you wanted to plug your ears, close your eyes and wait for this to all be over.
You could see yourself in him—the shaking fox in the maw of a dog.
On the other hand, why were you still policing yourself?
No matter your actions, the outcome would be the same. You and Ghost would be walking out of here and leaving four bodies cooling on the concrete.
He was going to die either way and Ghost would certainly be mean about it. With how he had 'shown off' with the others you were positive he would do worse with Ren. Not only because you were watching but also because that would mean you'd declined his offer. Returned his gift.
So wasn't the more humane thing to do to avoid Ren's suffering? Ensuring a clean death so he could die with some sort of dignity intact, whatever dignity there could be in death?
If you had the choice you know you would choose . . . well.
At this point you would choose Ghost if you were to be killed. He had crawled his way under your skin, wrapped around bone and muscle alike and wove himself between each nerve. He was in your lungs, blood and brain and you wouldn't be able to excise him without removing a part of yourself too.
You hated him for it in some ways. As infected as you were, was there any hope in saving yourself? Or were you fighting against a riptide, doing nothing but tiring yourself out, passing time before you were swallowed by the sea?
Were you still censuring yourself, even in your mind? You knew, deep down, that you didn't care about this man and you didn't care how he lived or died when it really came down to it.
Mentally, if you took a step to the left, you wouldn't see him as anything more than a speed bump to be gone over. You didn't know him, didn't care about him. He was no better than a stranger on the street.
And who was going to judge you? Ghost, whose hands already dripped with blood, so saturated that they would never dry? He would be as delightfully pleased with choice, even if his face wouldn't show it. Ren was the only other one here and he wouldn't be for very long.
You thought back to the fox, little heart pittering in it's chest as it died slowly. Dog's teeth flecked with blood as he watched you. Which were you? Which did you want to be?
Looking between Ghost and Ren you realized there was only one choice you could make.
///
The ride back to the cabin was spent with you silent and shaking. You weren't able to get inside fast enough—away from Simon fast enough.
You threw your bag forcefully onto the kitchen table, continuing to rush past it and ignoring Simon shutting the front door behind you.
"What's all this then?" he asked with a frown, watching as your bag wobbled at the edge of the table before finally settling. He set his down much more calmly, as if to show you how to do it.
You hated him. You hated him.
You watched it all play out in your minds eye. How you would get revenge. You would walk up to him, pull the knife from his belt and slide it between his ribs. He wouldn't be expecting it from you, not anymore. You could do it. The world would be a better place if you did.
You could see how the blood would bubble with each breath. Thick and red. How the scent of copper would flood the room, leaving a film in your mouth that you would taste behind your teeth for ages. How the warmth would coat your skin before slowly cooling and becoming tacky.
You realized where your thoughts were focusing, proof again of how he had infected your brain. You were never going to get away from him, were you? Even if you left, if you never saw him again, he would still be there. Still floating in the back of your mind, waiting for a time to step forward.
Why? Why why why why?
"Why did you do this to me?" you finally screamed at him, tears of anger and helplessness running down your cheeks. Why had he made you like this? This thing that you weren't sure was completely human anymore. The rot setting in too far.
"And what did I do to you?" he sounded condescending, as if he was humoring your temper tantrum, riding it out until you were reasonable once more. "Took you away from your boring life, from early hours and late nights at your job? Took you away from being alone every night, laying in bed and playing on your phone? Go ahead, tell me what I did to you."
"You made me like you!"
"And that's so bad is it? Tell me, what part does Your Majesty take offense to?" You wanted to dig your fingers into his eyes as he mocked you.
"You made me kill him!"
"I didn't make you do anything sweetheart. I gave you the opportunity. You're the one who grabbed it with both hands."
He was lying. He was lying. The only reason you killed Ren was stop Ghost from doing it. From playing with him like he always did. You were trying to keep him from hurting. You wanted it to be painless.
"That's not what happened and you know it."
"Go ahead then, tell me. If you didn't do it then who did? Who slid that knife across his throat until he choked on his own blood? There wasn't a goddamn tear in your eye when you opened him from ear to ear." Simon stalked forward to lean close, filling your vision as he put his face right into yours.
"You liked it."
Slap
He didn't move, not as your hand made contact with his face or as it was pulled away. A quick blink was all the response you got before he grinned meanly, "Awfully violent, aren't you, pet?"
"You made me into a monster like you."
He looked at you with cold eyes, an expressionless face his mask. Your heart dropped with his parting words. You'd always known in the back of you mind, hadn't you?
"Can't make something that's not already there."
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#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#Simon finds a toy#cw stockholm syndrome#slight gore
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Weird question but I’m just curious
If you could add any character- doesn’t have to be a sans, into the bad sans’s who would you add?
this isn’t really about if it would work with your take on nm but more what character would you find the most interesting to have in that situation
Ngl can’t choose one single character so imma give a few dhhdhdhdhhd
Horror!Undyne, fell Papyrus, Geno, Fatal Error, or Color
Having H!Undyne in the same work space as Horror would be a bit fun I think, they hate each other with a passion, but I think that this might be an experience that they both see eye to eye to, definitely will not make them like each other, but their relationship might develop into something a tiny bit better (either that or become even worse than it already is), it will definitely a humbling experience for Undyne tho, can’t be a queen under the king
Fell Papyrus is still Papyrus at his core despite his edgier look, I think it’ll be fun to see his relationship with MTT, and how it might develop, whether for better or worse, and whether MTT be willing to take a punch or two for him or vice versa, and how he might handle Nightmare considering he’s already in the royal guard
Geno to me is someone who’s pretty much done with life, i don’t think Nightmare would be intimidating to him, regardless of how powerful he is or his otherworldly abilities, or his emotional and mental manipulation, Nightmare cannot break what’s already broken, and he sure as hell will never change Geno’s moral views, it would be fun to see Geno be at odds with Nightmare, and how he might view MTT
Fatal, a highly unstable error with one goal in mind, so the question of how he might take his kidnapping by Nightmare is an interesting one, obviously badly, but how badly? How will he react to his mission being interrupted and even taken away from him? What does an error do when their one purpose is out of reach? What will he do to MTT, considering the fact two of them killed their brothers themselves and one fed human meat to his own? I don’t think Fatal would like any of them at all, and he sure is not going to like Nightmare
Color obviously isn’t fond of hurting people, and that in of itself might cause problems, but I think Color’s existence might end in him getting under Nightmare’s nonexistent skin as time goes on, Color isn’t afraid of speaking his mind and he will call Nightmare’s bullshit out, go out of his way to help MTT where he can, and has enough patience to outlast Nightmare’s games
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dick grayson instagram hcs
basics
we are pretending dick is not a cop in this because i said so!
he's a professional model but also does perform at a local circus as a special guest
he's not actually going to the olympics (yet) but the american team has been trying to contact him for the better part of the decade so maybe you can convince him to go
he's kind of like one of your friends who you think is chill and normal but then you go to their ig and you find out they're something of a local celebrity?
everybody in gotham already knew him as bruce wayne's son but also he went semi viral on tiktok and got a bunch of new fans (and some edits) out of it
he used to have a less serious pfp but his management convinced him to use this one instead
followers + following
obviously you're there
as well as his friends and family
he manages to get away with following the superheroes since i mean, basically everybody else does as well
also a lot of industry people that he meets, both for modeling and gymnastics/trapeze
highlights
he is an abuser of the story function
will spend any opportunity to brag about his pretty girlfriend and all of the dates and trips you guys go on
he is weirdly good at taking photos, will give you tips on how to pose to get your best angles
also he has a lot of fans so he likes to post a photo of you every once in a while to remind everyone that he's happily taken
will also repost your work related stuff to be like hey look at how cool my gf is at her job!
dude has a million highlights that he updates for the fashion weeks each year
a lot of photos of his looks, him meeting with certain designers, it's mostly his team who posts this
same thing with his shows in the sense that it's usually other people (including you) taking photos of him while he's performing
but this is a more personal venture of his so he asks everyone to send him the pics and he decides which ones to post
will also repost stories from fans who came to the show!
oooh this man posts the most jaw dropping photos of himself
he will have just woken up and post a photo that makes you think it's so unfair how perfect somebody can be
he just likes to post when he feels good about himself and i support!
haley and (i did not come up with a name for your guys' cat so you guys can have fun with that!) also have their own dedicated highlight
it is exactly as cute and wholesome as you would think it is
there are even more highlights if you keep on scrolling. he has highlights for each year's fashion weeks, as mentioned, as well as trips you guys have been on (the most recent is a trip to greece and italy!)
posts
once again he's one of those infuriating sort of famous people who are like fine as hell but they post just enough cute and relatable content that he actually seems like a real and very nice guy (fun fact, he is!)
you can tell immediately when he's been on a trip because he'll have at least 3 posts up and they're all of the same place
you guys are like the photo taking couple
if you weren't good at taking pics before you started dating, his skills definitely rub off on you
he'll do the thing where he gets you to pose for him so he can take a photo of you and then you take the same style of photo for him
it's disgusting you guys have matching photos on your feeds of each other
if it wasn't already common knowledge that you guys are dating, i can imagine the conspiracy theory videos being like guys they were in the same place? at the same time? and they took the same type of pics? i think they're dating
he loves cooking with you (while i personally think it would be really funny if he can't cook, in some of the comics they do mention that he can cook, but either way he enjoys cooking with you)
you guys are like the parent friends who host dinner at their place and there's usually a theme surrounding seasonal ingredients and everything's plated really well
you probably watch cooking shows together and are now you can't serve a dish without some microgreens or sliced radish on top or something
also yes he did plan the picnic and he's quite proud of it
he watched all of those charcuterie board hacks to make the flowers and fancy cheese arrangements
and there were chocolate dipped strawberries, champagne with glasses, and freshly baked cookies (alfred might have helped with that one)
also yes he does wear glasses!!!! only at home when he's reading or staring at a screen too long. his prescription's not that bad
———
jason ver.
#dick grayson#dick grayson hcs#richard grayson#nightwing#nightwing hcs#dc robin#dc batman#batman comics#batman#batfam#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson x you#dick grayson x y/n#dick grayson x female!reader#dick grayson headcanon#nightwing x reader#nightwing x you#nightwing x y/n#nightwing headcanon#smau#dick grayson smau#social media au
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If you think that knowing the punchline of one joke in one episode ruins the entire podcast you're definitely missing the point of the podcast.
The joked like above? They're fun, sure, but they're secondary to the point of the podcast which is the byplay between the two characters/hosts and it's the little lessons about how they're surviving their World Gone Wrong that we can use in our own world gone wrong and make it a little bit better, even if it's just for a couple of people.
But let's be real, I don't think that actually matters to you because I don't think you even care about the fact the little joke for this one episode of this podcast was spoiled. You just wanted something to spark about. See, I've read your reblogs and tags on those posts you've interacted with on my dash and I've noticed this seems to be a pattern with you. You like to shit on things. You like to sit on a high horse and look down on others when they do things differently than the way you think they should be done. You have a very rigid view of how things should be and anyone outside of that seems to be a target of your derision.
And you do you, I guess, but in my experience that makes for a rather lonely sort of life, even when you have plenty of friends. That sort of antagonistic approach to the world certainly left me with a hollow, cold space inside at least. Thankfully it went away when I started being less rigid and judgemental and the world became an even more wonderful place to be.
Take a lesson from that if you want, or not, it doesn't matter to me either way.
What does matter to me, though, is playing any part in someone dimming the light of another person sharing their joy. What you do and the way you act is up to you, but for me that's a boundary I'm very careful about enforcing. Be as snarky as you want on other sorts of posts, but if I see you being an ass on a post I've reblogged where someone is sharing something they enjoy I'm going to soft block you. I won't enable that sort of thing when we need every lumen of joy we can find to survive the years ahead.
For anyone who actually is interested in listening to the podcast, definitely check it out. Knowing this little joke won't spoil the episode, let alone the entire podcast, I promise. It's a bright spot of that joy so many of us are desperate for.
World Gone Wrong is a hilarious and great podcast and i've been meaning on making a proper rec post as for why people should listen. but honestly it's near midnight and i'm just giggling to myself about the gag how one episode is just about how the world has been covered by mysterious restaurants serving mysterious food items that no one seems capable of fully naming, with these food items slowly being found to have infiltrated the menus and freezers of restaurants, institutions, and homes all across the world
and gradually
as it gets explained piece by piece
you realise
it's pizza
leaving you with the realisation that either: a) the entire world forgot about the existence of pizza and was made incapable of perceiving the word "pizza" and is now thinks it's an eldritch foodstuff from beyond mortal ken
b) this world legit didn't have pizza but the universe manifested it, presumably as an apology for all the lycanthropy and fae and alien bodysnatchers and shit
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Eps 30-33 Commentary
No meta, just reactions! I have less to say about some eps so I'm combining several episodes worth. To make up for my head-emptiness and lack of meta, I've included more pictures lmao. Spoilers under the cut!
Ep 30:
"You really are pitiful." Li Lun waking up thinking of ZYC's words oooh they did that opening line for Li Lun/ZYC lovers (me)
What a homoerotic way to give the Truth Eye
ZYC and ZYZ having their first drink(s) together here, ZYZ and Li Lun having one last game of chess here. Gay ppl will go “I know a place” and take you to a damp cave and a little stone table in the Wilderness
Oof. The apparent inherence of winning/losing in their activity of choice compared to the drinks that took place here between ZYC and ZYZ. Even with a draw, it’s competitive by nature. If Li Lun knew about the three (very intense, very intimate) toasts that came before in this very spot, I wonder how aggrieved he’d feel.
Ah well there goes the date spot /:
I’m so happy to see LZY (Bai Jiu’s actor) get to fight! His fight scenes in MTJY were awesome and he continues to impress here as well. It’s so fun to watch!
………..to revisit my question from previous commentary about when the grievances against Ying Lei will end, the answer is never ;-;
Damn…For ZYC to promise to spare Li Lun after all that Li Lun has put him through specifically and personally. ZYC really fucking loves ZYZ doesn’t he.
I’m so fucked up over Ying Lei’s last words jesus christ.
ZYC sobbing and feeling the fleeting warmth of the rock Ying Lei was just leaning against…when will the world stop taking away his family members??? His brothers???
That scene of everyone looking at Bai Jiu after Ying Lei dissipates. The fact that he's right there. And it’s like they traded one life for another. The two babies of the group. Goddammit.
Do NOT hit me with Bai Jiu’s actor singing “Broken-Tailed Bird” right now oh my god
So like…regarding ZYZ losing his demonic power, does he still count as the most evil demon of ZYC’s time? Can someone ring Ying Long and ask?
ZYC crybaby oh no I can’t believe he’s crying over ZYZ being so weakened aw I love him
My god, Bai Jiu running after Ying Lei and into ZYC’s arms has to be one of my favorite sequences in the whole show. So so good. So so painful. Between this scene, all the flashbacks, and ZYC’s reaction when he died, I’m at least glad the show is spending so much screen time and significance on Ying Lei’s send-off, even if I’m heartbroken that he’s gone. We couldn’t even have the whole family reunited for one moment.
Also have you ever seen a man so mother?
No but seriously "Cry if you want...[tears] have to do with our hearts" ZYC my healthy masculinity king!!!
This song fucking hurtssssssssss this cheese (it's buttermilk) hurts everything hurts
I’m glad PSJ gets time and space to react. Her lines about being a mortal and not being needed are so good but also ow!!! And oh WX always knows exactly what to say to her 🥹
I love everything ZYC says to Bai Jiu about each family member (like yeahhh WX is unlucky 😭 and yeaahHH PSJ does need support too) but MAN the way he says ZYZ’s name is so fucking good. The fact that it gets so much emotion across without saying a single word further as he gets interrupted. His voice and his expression both collapsing a little in that moment. Efficiency of acting strikes again.
Is it even possible for ZYC to cherish this little family more?
Yo this dramatic ass lighting on ZYZ and ZYC standing in the doorway. Why y’all need so much drama just to talk? Also oughhhh ZYC’s gaze is a mess looking every which way while discussing WX’s poison. He is such a bad liar (but he looks so good doing it). Is that why they gotta talk about this like ten feet apart so ZYZ can’t see him lying? Lmao
Okay also tho if ZYC's coming around looking like this I am not hearing a single thing he's saying:
They flashed back to the previous time ZYC held his hand out but cut away from ZYZ taking it this time. Is it bc the absolutely unfettered tension between them can’t pass censors anymore? Haha god but that shot of ZYC slowly meeting ZYZ’s eyes from ZYZ’s POV whewwww we don’t got the skinship but their gazes are kind of insane??? TJR in blue contacts is too powerful I'm shaking somebody needs to stop him.
Ep 31:
Trying so hard not to be driven a little crazy by the lapses in continuity in this show (‘: It’s just tonal and costuming stuff that are a little difficult for me to ignore, just the fact that it’s kind of apparent which scenes were filmed in what order based on their costume/styling changes + the sets, and how sometimes the tone from the previous events don’t smoothly carry over because of this. But it's momentary, I just gotta. Power through.
YO the Pei siblings sparring was so cool and for what. They should have had WX spectating instead of staring at nothing in the previous scene (-:
Damn how long has it been since they played the fun music. Also feels kind of wrong without Ying Lei though fml
Awwww Qing Geng I missed her she’s so cute!! I wasn't doing ep commentaries during her arc so I gotta make up for it here. Her actress is so talented and adorable, and her costuming in this show is stunning!! Her lashes!! Her colors!!
THE TREE BRANCHES lmfaooo ZYC what happened to being worried for ZYZ’s weak body?? We really haven't had a moment like this in so long though (':
Well I do like the reason why WZY had a fake out death, that’s pretty clever and narratively sound, but also oh god what in the AOT??? The inner cores hidden in the medicine is some odious fucking work dear lord
I also like that the endgame is coming about from what initially seemed like another small-time case. Of course the evil physician's huge scheme at the end weaponizes plague and poison and medicine.
Ayeee fun that they used the teleporter on WZY instead of as a getaway
Lmfao ZYC just standing there taking a huge hit of the poison smoke. Poor baby doesn’t watch movies and doesn’t know smoke from a bad guy always means some kind of poison
Why does poisoned!ZYC have such an incredible smokey-eye siren look I’m shook
After knowing the poison is about indulging in your greatest wishes, the first moment ZYC woke up and approached ZYZ they sure looked like they were about to indulge in something sorry ignore me
The way this is so similar to ZYZ’s imaginings where he and WX always turn around and look at the camera. The show wants censors to believe they’re looking at ZYZ but we've known all along who the third POV is here
Also why aren’t ZYC’s bro and dad in the wish illusion?
Ohh the eerie instrumental rendition of the OST when ZYC draws his sword is too good. And yesss we were so due for some more crazy dream fuckery like is this real? Is this real??
Ep 32:
The team is spread so thin )-: One man (mountain god) down and a whole town to save and an immortal villain to vanquish.
WZY's eagerness in trying to goad ZYC into killing himself while poisoned is so so sinister goddamn. I love how disturbing it is to slowly realize what he wants without any lines at all
ZYZ shielding ZYC from a huge fucking fireball with just his hand is adorable and sad:
I already normally love Li Lun's whole leaf-swirly entrances and exits but you know I cheered when he deus ex machina-ed his way here!!! With that bgm too!!!
Li Lun came back to accept ZYC into their throuple. He's had some time to think and yeah he's decided ZYC's kinda hot and maybe shouldn't die or else ZYZ will be sad.
):
ZYC's soft and anguished, "Qing Geng" when he realizes she gave him her inner core. That's my bleeding heart hero ;-;
Throuple of the fucking yearrrrrr:
Spoiler for ep 33/34 but—watching Bai Jiu watch the three of them and realize he can't do anything to help here... It would have been dangerous for him to stay, but I wonder if things could have ended differently ):
Ep 33:
Oughhhhh Pei Siheng ))): The cruel fucking poetry of PSJ, the most emotionally closed-off character, having her heart, her brother, made into her armor. And then to lose him once more.
ZYC proving time and again that his heart is entirely boundless and he'll shelter anyone from the rain and he just wants everyone to live:
LI LUN/ZYC LOVERS HOW ARE WE FEELIN'?!?
Did not expect MORE ZYC choking now that they're on the same side but yeah Li Lun is not one to let go of a good thing I get it. I'm screaming but I get it. "I'm giving you half my demonic power" yeah right just admit you like doing this dw Li Lun this is a safe space.
Literally what am I watching and also no don't mind me, keep going. Feral over ZYC dropping his hand and letting it happen.
But lmfao the way Li Lun did not need to be doing all that, like he sends his power out to ZYZ without even making physical contact. He could've just grabbed ZYC by the shoulder.
Can't believe I just keep winning:
ZYC didn't even know what Li Lun was doing putting his arms around him and he just let it happen. That's some next level trust.
Ah goodbye Li Lun, presumably another victim of the "(ex-)villains can't have good endings" brand of censorship
Oof I love that the initial horror after the seeming victory is reserved first for the simple fact that ZYC and ZYZ are separated, that ZYC can't go to him the way he was intending to. Even when it's unclear yet that WZY is still alive, just the wrongness of them being divided this way is so poignant. ZYC has such a helpless look about him when he says ZYZ's name.
Goddammit WZY saw Li Lun choke ZYC and got ideas.
Oh I love the uncertainty of whether the One-Word Spell works on ZYC or not. ZYZ's sudden and intense fear. Also though WZY tries to use ZYC dying as a deterrent for ZYZ blowing up the barrier but he's literally choking the life out of ZYC as we speak
Bai Jiu's completely unrestrained screaming and crying in pain is so brutal to listen to. His scenes go on forever. Also, the choice of having some of his flashbacks be blurred and vague in the background, once again something privately kept for the character
ZYC holding out his hand to ZYZ a third time ;-; The utter relief of being able to reach each other again paralleling that previous horror of separation.
ZYC physically feeling Bai Jiu's death oh god. We do not get a single moment of happiness and victory in this drama everything is bought with pain and returns pain I hate it here.
Also another post-finale thought (spoilers for the end of the drama)—If ZYZ remained in his weakened state, I really am curious if he would have still met the conditions of the prophecy (ZYC being cursed to kill the most evil demon of his time, if the prophecy is indeed conditional like that, of course). If that could have been a technical loophole, did Li Lun giving both of them his power and then ZYC giving ZYZ his as well basically fulfill it again? I mean, logistically speaking, without that extra power, I'm not sure if ZYZ would have been able to trigger the Baize cycle again (or whatever it is he did to save the town). So the show's final tragedy can be traced all the way back to these moments of giving out of love and protection, just as Bai Jiu being in the perfect place for his final sacrifice came about because ZYC, ZYZ, and Li Lun were trying to protect him and get him out of danger. The way love and grief are so helplessly, inevitably intertwined that one begets the other. They were all just trying to save each other.
On that completely painful note, that's 30-33! And it'll be downhill from here for the next one (-:
#fangs of fortune#fangs of fortune spoilers#zhuo yichen#zhao yuanzhou#li lun#episode commentary#meta#i say no meta but i tag meta just in case it's better for organization idk
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https://www.tumblr.com/tkwrites/767817406031806464/oh-same-as-much-as-we-thirst-over-these-gorgeous
oooooo this was not me but i would like to chime in now and ask…. how does sarah feel about the prospect of having kids with quinn while he’s still playing? cause i would imagine she would have these concerns as well. and the idea of being away from his kids so much would definitely tear quinn up too
(i actually think about this frequently when i think about WAGs. i’d be up for it if i loved the guy ofc but that is tough for sure)
captainlexaproluvr asked: after seeing your original post that i had missed at first….. now i want to add onto my ask. sarah gives birth right before a roadie - is quinn staying home? is this a discussion they have or is it an immediate no-brainer? does the fact that he’s the captain make it more complicated for him? give me all the thoughts tory (i love thinking about dad quinn)
If they do have kids and they happen to be born during the season - because you never know how long it'll take for someone to get pregnant - there are a few factors I think we have to take into consideration:
Sarah's mom won't be there, which already puts her in kind of a vulnerable position. Rachel (her sister) could be there, but she also has a family of her own to care for, so she wouldn't be there for the customary first month like a mom would. She has friends, but they're in similar positions as Rachel. I say these things as a woman who has lost her mother, and what I worry about when thinking about having children.
Ellen would definitely be a factor. I'd imagine Sarah would reach out to Ellen to try to gauge what she can practically expect so her ideals don't take over too much. I also think a big thing depends on how much time Ellen and Jim can come stay with them/her.
What time of year is it? How far are they into the season? Do they have a chance at a playoff spot?
Overall, I think Sarah would be quite hesitant to have kids while Quinn is still playing. Then again, she's running up against her biological clock, and I think they'd like to be young parents, so there's only so long they can wait. She would at the very least insist they wait until Quinn has signed an extension so there's a little more stability on that front.
As much as I'd want her to demand that Quinn stays home for a month, team be damned, I know she would never ask that of him. She's much more entrenched in that life and understands all that goes into it, so she's not about to demand.
If she happened to be giving birth right before a roadie, a lot would go into that decision including, how the team is doing, who they're playing, how long they're gone for.
I think Sarah would, at the very least, ask Quinn to stay home for a few days. I also agree that I think Quinn would have a hard time leaving his baby so soon after they were born. If it was a short roadtrip, he might stay home all together. If it was the long 14 day roadie, he would likely miss a few games and then fly out to meet the team. I don't think he'd be comfortable leaving unless he knows his mom, and someone from Sarah's life are there to help out.
I'd like to think that with his captaincy he'd like to set an example of taking time to take care of yourself and those you love, and that there are things that have to come before hockey.
Thank you for asking such thought provoking questions! This was really fun to dive into with Quinn & Sarah!
Quinn & Sarah Snapshots Masterlist
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I think it's healthy to have a sort of section of your music taste dedicated to songs you know are niche or mid at best. gotta have an expansive palette for real quality taste.
#I personally still gotta expand my tastes in other regards. but currently I'm listening#to a niche vocaloid song I don't even think is. Good? at what it's trying to do#but this does Not take away from the fact I think it's fun.#K.R. shush
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Ooh! I'm super late to respond to this, but I love the question :) Unnecessarily long reply incoming.
I think that a canon-compliant argument could be made for basically any answer to this question, on both the "when did Sirius find out" axis and the "how much did Sirius know" axis of the hypothetical graph. (Which is my favorite kind of canon ambiguity, tbh, because I love being surprised by different takes).
That said, one headcanon of mine that I'm quite fond of rests on the idea that Sirius knew everything that James knew — and that James knew 100% of it — basically from the time that the Potters went into hiding.
Because, if (1) Sirius did know the entire text of the prophecy, and (2) Dumbledore's biggest priority in OoTP is to hide that text from Voldemort, then Dumbledore's adamance that Sirius not leave Grimmauld Place makes a lot more sense.
Per Sirius:
"I've been stuck inside for a month...Because the Ministry of Magic's still after me, and Voldemort will know all about me being an Animagus by now, Wormtail will have told him, so my big disguise is useless."
The Ministry of Magic never learns that Sirius is an Animagus, as far as I can tell. (Maybe there's a risk that someone like Malfoy might tip them off? But he never actually does.). And Sirius has demonstrated that he can successfully evade the Ministry in his dog form for two years prior to OoTP — even before allies like Kingsley and Tonks are available to help him out by misdirecting other Aurors. The major threat preventing Sirius from going on Order missions as a dog, then, seems to be the Death Eaters, not the Ministry.
But Death Eaters are a threat to any member of the Order of the Phoenix, not just Sirius! Maybe he's slightly more at risk than others because of the way he's been marginalized by society — the mysterious death/disappearance of Ministry employee Kingsley Shacklebolt, for instance, might be harder to keep secret than the murder of a fugitive — but Voldemort did show that he was willing to kill Order members when Nagini attacked Arthur Weasley. So why should Dumbledore single Sirius out so completely? Why prioritize Sirius's safety over literally any other contribution that he could make to the Order, when other members are also facing risks to their lives?
(This is also where I notice that Dumbledore's insistence on keeping Sirius in hiding doesn't start right away after Voldemort's return. He's perfectly willing to ask Sirius to seek out "the old crowd" at the end of GoF, even though Wormtail has had a year to tell Voldemort everything he knows by this point, including the details of Sirius's Animagus form. The decision to confine Sirius indoors happens sometime after the Order begins to regroup — quite possibly around the same time that Dumbledore learns that Voldemort is after the prophecy.)
Considering the close attention Voldemort pays to Harry's personal ties, it's very plausible to me that Wormtail told Voldemort everything he knew about Sirius, including the fact that he was James Potter's closest confidant. From this, Voldemort might surmise that Sirius knows the text of the prophecy and target him as a result. (Or, even if Voldemort doesn't specifically target Sirius, a random incident resulting in his capture could yield the text of the prophecy through Legilimency if Sirius does happen to know it). If so, Dumbledore's insistence on keeping Sirius inside Grimmauld Place at all times could be read as a direct response to this risk.
I don't think that this take even requires a terribly Machiavellian read of Dumbledore in order to work: if Sirius knows the text of the prophecy, and is at high risk as a result, then hiding Sirius from Voldemort — aside from being essential to the Order's aims — could also be an honest attempt to "[try] to keep Sirius alive," as Dumbledore tells Harry at the end of the book.
Everything mentioned above can absolutely be explained in other ways, of course, but I do think this possibility is quite fun. Loved seeing all of the competing reads too!
When do you think Sirius learned about the prophecy?
I think Dumbledore didn’t tell the Potters much—I think he would’ve kept the most important details to himself. I say this because Voldemort didn’t know the whole prophecy despite having Peter as a spy. If James trusted Peter enough to use him as Secret Keeper, he probably would have shared the knowledge of the prophecy with Peter. And since Voldemort didn’t know the whole thing, we can trust that Peter must not have known it all.
James probably would have shared what he knew with Sirius, but what parts were missing?
I sort of wonder if Dumbledore shared more with Sirius during OotP? But how much?
Clearly, by OotP, he knew there was a prophecy obviously, but how much did he actually know? Did he know the last bit?
Basically, I wanna see that conversation.
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(regarding the Fort Merceus scene)
"Claude doesn't know as much about the Seiros faith because he's an outsider" thanks for ignoring the entire point of Claude's route just to insist he doesn't grow as a character
Ohhh wait, no, it's not that he's not knowledgeable, it's just him definitely lying! Because disagreements? Regarding tenets of a religion? Impossible! Claude must be feigning ignorance and lying because that's all he does as a character! He's tricking the diligent Lorenz into thinking things that aren't true, because Church Bad and Claude would never tell the truth!
#sorry saw this take and HAD to poke fun at it because what was the game plan here for Claude#if it's so obvious it's a lie and everyone would KNOW it's a lie then NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE HIM LMAO#literally there'd be no point in lying. might as well also say that grass is purple at that point#also tf would Lorenz ''I only pray to look good to commoners'' Hellman Gloucester actually know about the faith#like he literally says he ISN'T a devout believer. like. he says that damn near verbatim. he is not a devoted follower#so he's not some all-knowing expert on the faith or anything#like Garreg Mach literally does trade with foreign nations and lets in foreign students so he can't be THAT correct lmao#and the fact that Claude bringing this up isn't immediately met with. the fucking ''actually it literally does'' thing from Hopes like BRUH#WAIT#WHY WOULDN'T LITERALLY E V E R Y O N E BRING UP THE SUPPOSED PROHIBITIONS TO OUTSIDE CONTACT SHIT THE CHURCH ''DOES''#IF WHAT CLAUDE SAYS HERE IS APPARENTLY FULL OF SHIT??? can we use our thinking caps FOR ONCE regarding Claude i am BEGGING#he GIGA couldn't get away with the ''lie'' if that shit from Hopes actually existed like come ON now people what are we doing#also you know who IS an ACTUALLY devout believer who DOESN'T call out Claude and straight up tells LORENZ to stfu? Judith#so there's that too#and Marianne! she says nothing about this being contradictory either and she's WAY more faithful than Lorenz is#these people want Claude to be a one-dimensional liar who never grows as a character SO BAD
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thalia is so growing on me i love my rich woman who has Problems.. i gave her ice powers for like. the elsa vibes.
#but im like damn... gale...karlach....stay away from her... or else ur gonna explode in the end....#really a coin toss between those two and im gonna be sad at the end but that's the thalia experience ����😭#also i dont think she's gonna save the tieflings... not bc she's evil but she generally doesn't care... and curing the tadpole is her utmos#priority. like she's already stressed with her chaotic magic killing her if she loses 50/50 now you have to add brain worms on top of that?#funny that shri'iia does more heroic deeds and she's like. the evil aligned chara#but thalia is generally very cold in a sense that she's always looking at the bigger picture and she's willing to sacrifice/disregard#who gets caught in the crossfire.. like that's just another responsibility she has to bear for Her. and she's very the type to sacrifice he#own happiness for her Duty vibe. like i think she's just learned how to be content with whatever she's left with.#also she's her father's heir bc she's the only child to her father's First Wife. and thalia get step siblings along the way but i think tha#grief of losing her mother / becoming an adult/handling adult affairs quickly made her jaded on a lot of stuff#and she feels like it's her responsibility to lead her noble house to higher pastures so her step siblings can live freely#like she's just taking all the work to herself - as the Heir. and that's what she was doing UNTIL she gets the wild magic#now suddenly she feels like she's cursed. and the fact that it's chaotic by nature and so dangerous..!! she can't stay in court or at home#over the fear of harming someone. and she's learnt that to get rid of a problem you always have to go to the root of it#hence why she's travelling around finding more info and source of the wild magic in hopes to cure herself from it#and she kind of put her life on Pause bc she believes she can't get anywhere with this curse. but its like gworl u put ur life on pause lon#before that.. anyway her end goal is that once she cures herself and she's normal again she'll prob marry some other old money heir#set up trusts for her siblings and live a quiet life. but that wont happen obvi hehe#also one of the siblings' name is melpomene... being named from the goddess of comedy thalia is kinda boring lol#essentially her story is like. she learns how to have fun. essentially. depending on how i rp her idk yet actually
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Tis' the season where I mentally and physically suffer. Complaining below (feel free to ignore, I'm just venting. I usually do this every year to get most of it out of my system lol):
mmm the fall/winter SAD is indeed in full swing. No warmth + no sun = a bad bad time. I always get so annoyed when ppl assume that I love winter bc I'm a "winter baby", as if that has any sort of divine intervention on instantaneously adapting you to perfectly fit the climate you were born in. NOPE. Silly human superstition. I start to freeze once it hits below 20C. I wish I lived in a warmer climate o|-< The depresso is probably going to make me very whiny and moody until next spring, so an early forewarning bc I'm EXTREMELY annoying about it this time of year bc it's the only way I know how to deal with it. But moreso in addition to the physical stuff is how badly it messes with my mind, making me so depressed to the point of just... sitting in non-moving silence where I become stiff as a board (very painful btw) and I isolate, making the bad depresso brain time even worse where I overthink everything bc of the silence and isolation. It's also always the time of year where everyone goes quiet too, which is understandable, but also makes things 10x worse (I am very alone in my life and where I am, and kind of rely on online friends bc they're all I have. I don't even have a pet. I'm literally just, loner mode. I don't really have much family to speak of, and only one family member I do speak to. I have little to no connections at all. But regardless, this is still the best living situation I've been in my whole life, so that's saying something).
#i hate the cold; I hate ice; cold air hurts my skin and burns my lungs#i hate snow (I'm sorry I just don't think it's pretty. It's gross; erases all colour/everything; blinding; kills everything; claustrophobic#I hate long nights; i hate all the darkness#I take Vitamin D drops every day during winter and they don't really help#I also use those special lights meant to help during the long darkness for the same reason; and they also do not help#nothing works!!!!!! eating and drinking hot things doesn't help me stay warm bc heat dissipates away quickly and doesn't help my extremitie#the cold makes me SO dry and dehydrated; makes my bones hurt; makes outside DANGEROUS AF. ICE IS BAD. BE CAREFUL.#I can't retain heat; my hypothyroidism makes me colder by default and I just don't metabolize good/fast enough to keep myself warm#(my body temp is lower than average; fun fact! same with my blood pressure! both of them are very low)#I think my average from all the times I've had it scanned during covid was 32-36C. No idea how that works; I just remember checking it a lo#my fingers and hands are going to freeze; making it harder to draw/type/etc.#I'm not going to wear gloves inside my home bc that's dumb and they don't help anyways. It will just screw up my ability to use my hands#I get to be in pain for months with increased potential of being sick :/#also I HATE bundling/layering myself with clothing or blankets; it's suffocating; restricting; sensory hell for me; sweaters are uncomfy :(#also whenever I try to do that all it does is insulate the cold for me; keeping me colder for even longer!!!!! it's so unfair!!!!#I've worn out 2 space heaters already and they don't work properly anymore (I used them both so much I wore out my preferred settings lol)#sobs; i'm a sad plant lizard
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they make me so
#tm#the way she immediately goes along with him there's no hesitation and then she immediately puts them in the same boat i want to scream#because there's a way to read this that it's actually too much faith; she trusts him and his methods - weird though they usually are -#maybe too much - the 'one day i'm gonna get fired because of you; that's just how it is' route#(which is like that excellent tag i saw - that lisbon's 'a rebel with the trauma of having to be responsible' -#like she likes breaking the rules and jane breaks them in fun ways (usually) and his rule-breaking gets results#- the 'people might ask why you signed on with me in the first place' bit alsosheskindofinlovewithhimnbd)#but on the other hand there is a bit of 'such little faith' too because yes he gets results but she knows firsthand (and repeatedly)#that he runs the risk of hurting - himself; others; her - while he gets those results#and she's putting them in the same boat she's making them equally responsible for anything that happens#*unequally actually she'd take the brunt of any punishment/backlash as they both know#and you COULD (and i do) see that as her trying (maybe unconsciously) to temper him; to pull him back from going TOO far#whatever you're doing you're not doing alone; remember this is on me now too don't go too far#CAN'T YOU SEE THERE'S PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU; WHO NEED YOU#and like does the tempering always work? no; obviously; for multiple reasons#but for her to - on whatever level - think that she would be enough FOR it to work? much to think about#(it's crazy how it's so clear that on some level they both know she's the most important person to him#but they're also just....tucking that fact away until a moment comes when they can actually think fully about what it means#(which would have to be post red john but also they're just avoidant bitches too afraid to look too close i love it)#anyway i'm back at work so i'm back to thinking too much about tv shows that ended 8 years ago it's so cool and stable#(also rigsby just going along with it too lkfasdj i just adore them)#FUCK THE END OF THE EPISODE BARK BARK I FEEL CRAZY#TERESA LISBON YOU'RE SO IMPORTANT TO ME LIKE SHIT
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legit wondering if when I start going to the doc for all my physical shit I should ask abt who I should see abt maybe getting mood stabilizers
i'm sick of this unending cycle of getting eight million ideas and scrambling from one to the next before burning myself out on all of them and falling into a depression and hating myself for not doing any of the eight million things I was excited about
#i am losing my fucking mind here i cant fucking take it anymore#i dont think im bipolar i just think the adhd takes the wheel and fucking floors it#i dont have delusions of grandeur (not more than a flight of fancy that i know is unrealistic anyway) or like. euphoria.#i also dont not remember stuff from from those surges of inspiration#i mean i might forget something but thats bc i got distracted and my brain dumped it to focus on New Shiny Thing#this is the equivalent of my 2AM mental breakdown so bear with me here i am Going Through It when i should be sleeping#also it feels like theres shit crawling on me and there isnt but i cant sleep bc i am ITCHY WHY AM I ITCHY WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THIS#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#fun fact: the sensation of shit crawling on you is called formication#which is really fucking funny#like i understand its from formica meaning ant but it is literally one letter away from fornication#anyway doing my usual webmd doom spiral and guess what gets formication as a symptom sometimes: bipolar disorder#im gonna laugh if i get a bipolar dx but it doesnt seem right#all the other options were autoimmune disorders like parkinson's and MS and fibro and RA#which. i might actually have rheumatoid arthritis. but the others? theyre scary. i dont wanna deal with that.#i dont even wanna deal with RA lets be real#farmer voice: i was just fine before i went to the doctor and now all of a sudden ive got an immune disorder#wait i dont think parkinson's is an autoimmune disorder thats a neurological condition#ok carry on#more fun facts since i am now down a wikipedia rabbit hole to distract myself from my itchy self#the process of ur limb falling asleep and going numb is called obdormition#then when the feeling starts coming back the pins and needles feeling is paresthesia#formication is an uncommon kind of paresthesia#obdormition is our funny word of the day and i look forward to telling someone about it randomly or for it to show up in a crossword soon#bc u know how u find something new and suddenly it's everywhere?#yeah. i get the feeling thats gonna happen here.
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...
#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow#but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done#and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird#but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow#so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏#i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood#was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone#ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and#hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy#i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better#god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely#focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony#so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno#lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done#to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself#sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough#lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime#so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha#back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies#oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad#tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire#tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh#unrelated
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i really hate to be rewatching this show just to compare it to s3 like truly i just want some wonder and whimsy in my life again as a break from being a hater, but still, rewatching s1 is really just reminding of WHY im disliking s3 so much
so a relatively minor thing about s3 that has nonetheless been irking me is how weird and unnatural and stilted the dialogue is. it just feels so flat and empty. and even the way pedro is voiceacting for din just makes him so monotone and flat - and im not even blaming pedro for like, bad acting or anything, im blaming the direction because the same thing is evident in the written dialogue itself, and obv pedro has been doing fine before this. but overall both the written dialogue and the voiceacting makes din just have like.. no personality whatsoever.
and then contrast it with s1. din really is generally a monotone, minimal words kinda guy, even back in the beginning, but he still had a personality despite that. its the way he said those minimal words that delivered that personality, like theres still the subtle emotion behind everything that really endears you to him and makes the monotone quality like, less of Oh No, Protag Has No Personality, and more of an actual TRAIT of his personality
just listen to this scene! he speaks pretty flatly but its more in a gruff detached way, and he still emotes underneath it which shows his impatience and resignation! he emphasizes words and changes his cadence to stress things, and just overall the way he says “you understand? great.” i dont get this feeling from anything in s3 so far its like din is just Saying Words to keep the show rolling and nothing else, no more subtle characterization and subtle emoting. Sighs
i dont know if im wording this right but just overall the line delivery is so different and so much better in s1 and i cannot believe s3 is so bad so far its got me marveling over the most basic ass shit, like full on writing essays about a random 40 second scene like this
#brot watches the mandalorian#even eps 1-3 had me ooing and awing over the fact that like din RAISES HIS VOICE! GASP#HE EMOTES !!#i think this trend thats particularly evident in s3 may have even started in s2#which is maybe why im harping on it so much more#but then again the general decline in quality started mid s2 its not contained in s3 alone#its like yes i love our monotone king but i also do love the subtle ways he emotes which is like#so important to me and really notable DUE to the fact we cannot see his face#so i have always from day 1 marveled over the subtle ways he emotes from just the way he tilts his head or the slight change in voice tone#so on and so forth#and so to remove one of those fundamental aspects is to just like. remove somethung i reallt enjoyed abour watching#about taking in all these little details and piecing them together to get a complete idea of this guy#who otherwise doesnt show much - on purpose! hes literally faceless and nameless#at this point innthe show at least#so its FUN to watch and still say I know who you are despite that#to figure out whats going on inside his head despite the fact he does everything to remain unknowable#which is why the monotone gruff thing he has going on is an actual personality trait - its all part of his standoffish thing#the stay away from me im minding my business i am serving nothing#BUT THEN YOU GET THE SUBTLE EMOTIONS DESPITE IT#the cracks in his metaphorical (and literal!) armor !! to peer behind the shield and see who he is anyway!!#SORRY. SORRY I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT DIN#head in my hands MR DJARIN ‼️‼️‼️
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dear god... suddenly emo about Magdalena and Isaac 😢😢
#this is funny because i have so little of their relationship defined in comparison to Gioia and Benedictus#but 🥺🤌🏻 thinking about isaac losing his whole family and fighting like hell to get his sister back.. it's so 😭#but once he gets her back she's painfully quiet. always looking over her shoulder. and simmering with anger!#i think he struggles to reconcile the past version of her + her present self. and how to connect with her through all the muck 🤔#OH.... WAIT i figured it out! just like regular bennie and gioi (fun fact. i realized her name doesn't really shorten nicely just now lol)#i think they build that strong underlying connection because isaac invests attention and care into maggie's music. he shows up to all her#recitals ykwim!.. it's a little different from B+G because isaac isn't maggie's stand-in parent for their neglectful parents.#he functionally Is maggie's parent. but I think Maggie still takes away the same love from it as gioia‚ for different but similar reasons.#I think this is so important for her too because it is. Very Difficult for Maggie to make friends because she's so shaken up..#i feel like bennie would try to get her to go therapy but she'd either refuse on the basis of not trusting authority anymore? OR‚ just like#kat‚ they'd tell her her experiences weren't real... in any case‚ music is maggie's Only outlet. so isaac taking interest and supporting#her in that endeavor‚ when she has very little else‚ would mean a lot to her. i think this all adds a level of 😢 to isaac and vergil's#relationship too because. originally isaac just didn't like vergil due to the whole underground rebellion schtick. that's what got his and#maggie's parents killed. BUT since Magdalena literally had no friends once she came home‚ I think Isaac is really overjoyed when she and#vergil strike up a friendship‚ since this is before Vergil's realized his true nature- the order is a collaborative thing between the two#of them after all. so at first Isaac is glad that his sister finally has a friend. and‚ just like in their future‚ Vergil helps Magdalena#grow into herself and come out of her shell. so isaac likes Vergil in the beginning‚ is grateful for him! plus V's his bosses/sponsor's kid#so there's a nice little 😊 there too. BUT THEN magdalena starts helping vergil remember things - dante - and they start#creating the Order‚ and i think Isaac feels this Great Dread. because vergil is maggie's only friend. vergil saved her!#but the things magdalena gets up to with vergil will get them killed in the future. (and it does lol!)#i think this is where the great split happens between B+G and I+M‚ because Benedictus disappeared before he had to make any Tough Parenting#Choices with Gioia. he was functionally a parent to her‚ but she just saw him as her Super Cool Older Brother.#Isaac is magdalena's older brother but he's also her Guardian (derogatory) ykwim? so. i think when he puts his foot down and tries to#forbid Magdalena from doing anti-demon stuff‚ which evolves into her not being allowed to see Vergil‚ it causes a rift between them.#i'm not sure how severe i want the rift to be... 🙁 by the start of the game it can't be super deep because kat has to be familiar with#isaac 🤪 but then ig he doesn't need to know Magdalena knows her Because of the Order? kat could just be... a friend... 😳🤫#although this then begs the question of whether or not he even knows Magdalena was still involved with the Order all this time? because on#the surface Maggie's schedule really is just work work work. he doesn't have to know What her work is...#that also adds a ☹️ when Magdalena goesmissingdies and then comes back possessed by a demon because it's like groundhog day for him- again‚#he could do nothing to protect his sister from the demons BUT this time it was him raising and watching her‚ not their parents
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