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soundofseventeen · 4 years

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Play It Again (Lee Chan)

Happy birthday to my (and our) soulmate @peachy-hoon!!! There aren’t enough words to convey how much we love and adore you and the 3M/Trash Royals wouldn’t exist without you. Thank you for....everything, really!

Word count: 3065

Inspo: Play It Again

Chan wondered why he was here tonight. He could’ve been at home in his favorite pajamas, stuffing his face with popcorn and shielding his eyes as the next jump scare popped up on the screen. Instead, he was sipping a beer with his friends in a parking lot behind an American themed style restaurant his friend Joshua worked at and in the midst of the conversation between Jeonghan and Seungcheol, he wondered why the Americans were so strange.

He knew Joshua was born and raised in the famous Los Angeles, California, home of the celebrities, endless beaches and endless beach parties. Chan would’ve understood if he had gotten a job at a surf shop or anywhere that required being outside to remind him of home. But Joshua’s job as a waiter required him to dress like he was going to a rodeo….one that he had only seen in the movies.

Any other time Chan would’ve laughed at him, but tonight they were in the same boat. He looked down at his outfit, feeling too warm in the jeans too heavy for him and the boots that suffocated his feet. He didn’t even wanna think about the ten gallon hat on his head nor the handkerchief around his neck. But it was a party and the only way to get in for free was to look like a cowboy. At least he didn’t stand out, but he felt like a fool nonetheless. Maybe he was at a county fair. He wouldn’t have doubted it with the way the American country songs he couldn’t even understand blared over the speakers, the hay littering the entire place and even the way the vague scent of manure carried around. (Which in his opinion crossed the line a little.) At least the food was good, the barbecued stuff especially and the cold bottle wrapped around his hand wasn’t too bad either.

He couldn’t tell if he was enjoying himself with the way he caught up on his life with his friends or if he was passing time until it was acceptable to go home. He laughed at their jokes, even spitting out some of his beer when Soonyoung gave an accurate impression of Jeonghan, and he had to turn around to compose himself. However, he just wanted the comfort of his couch, swaddled in his favorite blanket and go on about his life until he felt it appropriate to go out again. That is, until he saw you sitting on the tailgate of someone’s pick up (he couldn’t believe how far these owners went to give it the Western country feel but he was impressed), laughing at whatever someone was saying, which he pinpointed as Joshua. Your hand was on his shoulder, clearly amused and Chan wondered if Joshua was there to work or actually flirt with you when he could’ve done so off the clock.

“You wanna go over there?” Vernon motioned when he noticed Chan staring.

“I’m fine here, but you guys can go if you want.” Maybe he wasn’t as subtle as he thought.

“Let’s go,” Seungcheol ushered the small group that had formed. “I have to talk to Joshua about some missing dishes that disappeared last time he was over.”

“Channie, when was the last time you were in a relationship?” Jeonghan asked casually, slinging his arm around the youngest boy’s shoulder.

“The last time was when Hoshi hyung got his ass beat by Woozi hyung in that tournament. I think?” He ran forward a couple of steps when he heard Soonyoung right behind him, hearing the older boy complain about how Chan was never supposed to bring that up ever again and he laughed as loudly as his lungs let him. He honestly felt like he was in high school again; the only difference was that he could legally drink now. He turned around, walking backwards, taking a swig of said alcohol. “Why?”

“I happen to know someone who’s single.”

“I don’t know who you bribed, but I’ll have to decline. Again.” He saw that you were finally alone and you looked up to meet his gaze. He liked the way your face broke out into a wide smile and you waved at him (and them) enthusiastically. If only his heart could calm down a little, that’d be great though. But then Joshua came back with two plates of food and he felt a little disheartened. Which was good in a way. At least he wouldn’t try to steal you away from him.

“Your loss,” Jeonghan shrugged. “I’m hungry. You, come with me.” He grabbed Seungcheol’s wrist and dragged him away from the group, the oldest whining that he could’ve taken someone else because the fine china in question was more important. Soonyoung then excused himself to buy another beer, saying he’d be right back with Seungkwan following behind him, begging him to buy him one. It was just him and Hansol and he wasn’t sure why his nerves were getting the best of him. It’s not like something was gonna happen.

“Are you still interested in buying that guitar we saw the other day?” Hansol asked, making conversation. He took off his own cowboy hat and fanned himself with it, blowing out a huge gust of air.

“I wanna but I keep thinking if it’s worth the money. I dance and create new dances. But I want Joshua hyung to keep teaching me without having to borrow his.” Chan just realized in that moment that he really had no other hobbies. Friends, yes...but things to do? Not really.

Hansol nodded, throwing the hat back on. “I get you. What if I help you find one?” He raised his hand to wave. “Joshua, hey! Hi, Y/N!”

The giggle you let out may have melted Chan’s insides and forgot about the instrument. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. He really had to snap out of whatever trance you managed to put him in. Especially with one of his best friends in the picture. “Hey! Nice night, huh?” He figured he could at least afford to sit next to you, right? He handed you the beer bottle, placed his hands on the tailgate and jumped up.

“It’s too hot,” Vernon whined. “Josh, I don’t know how you do this every night.” He pulled the bandanna around his neck to prove his point.

“I get paid enough to suffer. At least I think I do.”

“Joshua, you’re such a baby about this most days. I tell you not to go all out, but ask him if he listens.”

Joshua stuck his tongue out at you. “Well you never listen to me. But anyways, I need to go find my boss and ask him about my pay. Come on. The inside of the restaurant is a lot cooler than in here.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice!” Without missing a beat, Vernon grabbed the employee by the flannel and dragged him away.

Chan jumped a little when you tapped him on the shoulder. “Want some? If I have any more of these ribs, I’m gonna puke. Joshua swears if I don’t eat every few minutes, I’m gonna yell at him.”

“Maybe he’s just being a good boyfriend,” Chan shrugged, the last word making him internally choke.

“Joshua Hong? My boyfriend? I hope you’re joking.” You threw your head back and laughed. “Oh my god, you’re too funny!”

“Wait, you’re not dating? No way.” He couldn’t stop the giant grin from forming. There’s no way you couldn’t have been dating him.

“Nah, he’s just hoping I can set him up with one of my friends. This is just him trying to bribe me.”

“So you’re not gonna help him out with that?”

“Don’t need to. The feeling’s mutual, but he can’t really see that and I’m not gonna tell him. Anyway, I heard about your new job. Congrats!”

“Ahh yes. It’s every man’s dream to run a cash register and have people threatening me for doing my job.” He downed the last of the drink. Maybe water would be good from here on out. If another bottle didn’t get him buzzing....then surely your laugh would. God, you had such a cute laugh. Chan didn’t know how long he stayed talking to you, nor that his friends had basically ditched him and watched him, but he didn’t care. He felt on top of the world; like he was immortal; like he could take on any challenge possible and he could win blindfolded with one arm behind his back; like-

“Oh my god!” you screamed, jumping off and bringing Chan back to the present moment. “This is my song! I kept bugging Joshua about playing this!” And before Chan could register anything more, you had pulled him off the tailgate. “Come on Chan! I wanna dance!”

Luckily, his reflexes were faster than his current state of mind so he managed to follow directions. Somehow between the spinning around and the music that suddenly seemed too loud, he managed to pull you close (making him more nervous than he already was), and be in the moment. “Wait, how do you know this song?” he asked.

“Joshua and Vernon play it a lot when we hang out. I guess it got stuck in their heads and when I heard it, I fell in love.”

Chan couldn’t understand the words, but he saw your eyes and the faraway, dreamy look they held and maybe it wasn’t too bad. He liked the way you moved easily with him as if you were reading his mind, and he liked that you couldn’t stop singing along and he liked that no matter times you kept looking away every time you looked at him, you couldn’t stop looking at him. Man, he was in trouble. He wasn’t expecting it to end so soon, nor when you suddenly kissed his cheek and pulled back with a smile. God, he just wanted to yell to whoever was in charge of the music to play it one more time. It seemed like his night couldn’t get better. He couldn’t believe that he almost missed this for a scary movie he could watch 100 times.

“Joshua, play it again,” he heard you whine to no one in particular, which he found both endearing and humorous.

Was he falling in love with you? He could feel his heart beating out of his chest because you hadn’t moved away from him nor had you let go of his hands. It felt too warm for him now. He was sweating and he just wanted to fan himself to cool off but he couldn’t move; he didn’t wanna break whatever spell you cast on him. At least, not yet anyway.

“Hey Chan?”

“Yeah?” He swallowed. Part of him wanted you to confess your feelings for him so he could remind himself to breathe again...but he also wanted to have this moment forever just in case he was misreading the signs. Mostly, he just wanted to kiss you now but he had to hold back.

“I think your friends ditched you.” You let go of his hand to point out the fact that his friends were indeed leaving the parking lot, trying not to look like they left him behind. “Asshole...Joshua did too. There goes his date.”

He snickered. “I didn’t know you could be so petty.”

“He said he wasn’t leaving without me. But joke’s on him; I have his house keys.” Sure enough, you pulled them out of your pocket and laughed.

Maybe he was going into cardiac arrest. His heart was beating faster than ever. He could feel his cool composure slipping every time you did something he considered cute and even though he liked it, he couldn’t get used to it. “I could...um t-take you home i-if you want-t.” Oh god; he was stammering now. He wasn’t even sure how you managed to make him nervous. Oh my god….what if you rejected the idea. He really just blurted the idea out. Wait, what if you weren’t even ready to go home? Oh my god, you were probably thinking that he couldn’t wait to get rid of you, and that wasn’t even the case! Wow, you really made him nervous.

“I mean, if you don’t mind...I wouldn’t say no. I have an early shift tomorrow and my boss will kill me if I’m late.”

Or maybe he really had to stop overthinking things. “Come on then. Just show me the way.”

Okay, maybe he didn’t plan on you living on the outskirts of town or even the way the radio played absolutely nothing that catered to his taste so late in the night. If only his car had the Bluetooth system or even something that could provide an aux cord but nope, he couldn’t afford that yet. He was lucky he even made it this far since the last time he had a job.

And he certainly didn’t anticipate you falling asleep somewhere along the way. But at least it prevented that awkward silence or him oversharing some embarrassing story just because his nerves didn’t let him focus. He probably would’ve blurted out how he couldn’t believe Joshua didn’t have a crush on you, no offense to your friend. Or maybe he would’ve been too forward and asked you to marry him or something. Something told him he would steal all the stars in the sky for you and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Chan continued changing the stations to keep his mind empty with the exception of finding a song or station that would satisfy him. They all played the same tunes, censored the same words, talked about the same topics so it was a lot harder to find something he’d like. He came across a couple of songs in French, one in Spanish, four in English and a shit ton of kpop which made him smile.

In another lifetime, he figured he could’ve been one of those idols who won fans over with his charming smile and sweet words. He was modest about his dance covers but he effortlessly kept up with even the hardest choreography. Maybe then, he could have your attention but he wasn’t sure that’d work. He’d be busy and he wanted to have all the time in the world for you. Maybe a kpop idol wasn’t his best bet for that. He’d try again in his next lifetime. Right now, he was happy where he was.

When Siri announced he was here, he gently shook your shoulder to wake you up and you swatted him away. “Y/N, you’re home.”

“Two more minutes,” you mumbled and you were lucky he had nowhere else to go the following morning.

He let you be and turned his attention back to the stations, each time more unsatisfied with the last. He needed to be smarter and at least invest in buying some CDs even if they were outdated. The radio, Chan could conclude, sucked more everyday than when he was a kid. And yet he still searched.

An explicit rap that sounded better when the curse words played...a catchy pop song that he would eventually come to hate because it would be overplayed...he was pretty sure this was a Japanese song he heard at the mall once...a throwback from when his parents were his age...a commercial for tires….more pop songs he could tolerate at the moment….this sounds like Y/N’s favorite song….a jingle that would probably be stuck in his head tom-wait…was it? No it cou-....it was your favorite song.

Chan slowly turned to you, still fast asleep and he tried one more time. “Hey, I found your song.”

“They don’t play it on the radio...” You frowned a little, trying to fall back asleep.

He turned up the volume, patiently watching the way you woke up rather quickly when you finally recognized it. “Oh my god! This is my song! We’re hearing it again! Chan, here it is! It’s playing!”

He couldn’t stop that smile from spreading from the way you moved in your seat. “Let’s go on a date next Friday.” Oh crap...that’s what he was afraid of. The no filter and the way you stopped dancing. Maybe he should just lie down in the middle of the street and pray someone would run him over. If he just got out slowly…

“Sure...I’ll ask my coworker to trade me shifts.” Though you weren’t looking at Chan when you agreed, he could see that smile on your face and how you touched your cheek.

Oh my god, you were adorable and he was in love with you. “Would I get bonus points if I learn to play this song for you? Joshua hyung has been teaching me how to play the guitar these last few weeks…”

“If you learn to play this song-” That smile on your face that just widened at the thought said it all for him. He was gonna learn it and he was gonna woo you with it and he was gonna make sure you thought of him every time it played.

“We have a deal.” He watched you get out slowly, him turning the volume up as high it could go so you could hear the whole thing and not caring if the neighbors complained about the noise. You were the happiest person in the world right now and he wasn’t gonna take that away from you; not now or ever.

You were already at the front door when you ran back up to Chan’s window and tapped on the glass. “Yes? Did you forget your keys in here?” He turned on the light and looked at the seat which he didn’t find. “They’re not-” His sentence was cut short with you grabbing his cheeks pressing your lips to his and kissing him giddily and pulling away just as quickly. “Thank you.”

Despite him fumbling with his seatbelt and nearly falling over on his way out, he managed to kiss you properly with the dumb song he couldn’t understand a word of still playing and the soft wind blowing, the headlights being the only source of light in the cool night and he wished someone would play it again to keep kissing you.

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oyesmendes · 4 years

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wildflower pt3 - calum hood

a/n: fall in love, fall fast. tell me what you guys think about this mini series alright!

summary: after a nasty breakup, Karla Rivera finds herself working as one of the new producers/songwriter for 5SOS. She had no intention to fall in love right now, but one conversation struck a chord with her. In between producing a smashing album and writing hit singles, Karla finds herself entangled in the arms of a man who she never thought she’d end up with.

As the week goes by, the boys start to notice how close Calum and Karla had gotten. They’d write together in the corner of the room, whisper and giggle into each other’s ears when they were with the rest of the group. She’d snuggle into Calum’s side most nights after dinner, and most mornings they would walk out of either person’s room together. This morning, the pair had walked out of Calum’s room and sat at the breakfast table next to each other. He had his hand resting on her thigh, and everyone at the table could tell that something was suffocating the air among them.

“Alright you two,” Michael looks at the pair and they knew what was coming next, “Time to fess up.”

Calum gives the most innocent look he could pull out of his hat and Karla sips on her coffee for way too long.

“Don’t look at me like that, you know what I’m going to ask.” Michael folds his arms in front of him. Calum shrugs and the boys all groan. Karla tries to hold her laughter back and she catches the smile that fades as quickly as it came from Calum’s face.

“What do you want to ask me, Michael?” A smirk forms on his face as he cuts up his pancakes. Michael rolls his eyes and before he could speak up, Luke blurts out the million dollar question.

“Are y’all fucking?” Karla chokes on her coffee, causing it to spurt in front of her and the cutlery in Calum’s hands fall onto the plate. He quickly rubs Karla’s back and helps her clean the mess she made.

“That answers our question.” Andrew chimes in.

“We’re not fucking, we’re dating.” The boys all look at Calum with wide eyes, knowing his sentiments regarding love and relationships for the past year. He shrugs at them, then looks at Karla who’s cheeks have turned a bright shade of pink. He kisses her on the forehead and he hears a chorus of “awww” before grabbing her hand in his, proudly showing off his girl.

Karla notices the slight disapproving look on Andrew’s face when he realises that it was the truth, and she knows why he has it. She offers to wash the dishes after breakfast and the boys all thank her, pulling Calum away so they could get the full details of how they got together. She watches him get dragged across the room despite his protests and watches them laugh and tease the poor boy. Andrew joins her, helping to put the clean plates away and they work in silence for a bit before he speaks up.

“Are you sure about this?” He watches her scrub the dried up chocolate sauce on the plate when she doesn’t answer immediately.

“When can you ever be sure about something like this?”

“When you know it’s real.” She drops the sponge at Andrew’s words, turning to face the older man.

“And how do you know it’s real?”

“It will feel like it when it is.” Karla scoffs and she proceeds to continue scrubbing the plates. Andrew continues when she stays silent, “it’s only been a month, K. how can you be so sure he’s not your rebound?”

“He isn’t” she hisses, pushing the suds off the plate she’d been washing for the past ten minutes.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt, or hurt him in the process. You’re still healing-“

“Do you think I don’t know that?” She whisper yells, dropping the sponge and plate back into the sink. “Of course I’m afraid I’ll hurt him, of course I know I’m still healing. But I’m falling so hard that I can’t stop, Andrew. I feel like I’m out of control, and it’s scary as fuck but for once in my life I feel happy.” Andrew sighs defeatedly knowing nothing he say would get through to her in the moment

Karla feels bad about lashing out at Andrew but she felt justified enough to sweep it all under the rug. She’s really falling fast and hard for Calum, and it was definitely unlike how she felt in her previous relationships. She sits outside for the rest of the morning, writing lyrics and playing with melodies on her own. The chatter and the sound of instruments behind her get louder then softer, and she hears the sliding doors click. She chooses to ignore it, until Calum presses a kiss to the top of her head. She gives him a small smile, patting the couch for him to sit, abandoning her notebook and guitar, immediately wrapping her arms around his waist and laying on his chest. He rubs her arms softly, knowing that something was bothering her.

“What’s wrong, K?” He doesn’t press when she stays silent, just holding her in his arms. Karla couldn’t find the right words to speak, or convey the message. What message was she even supposed to convey? That she’s afraid of love? She’s afraid that they might be wrong about each other?

“You know I like you?” She says more like a statement instead of a question. Calum looks down at her and for the first time this week he couldn’t read her. He nods, pulling her closer to him.

“Of course I do, I like you to sweetheart.”

“And you know that I’ve only broken up with my ex last month, right?” He frowns at her, unsure of where this conversation is heading.

“Yes I do, you told me on our first date. Where are you going with this?” Karla pushes herself up in her seat, running her fingers through her hair. She doesn’t know where this conversation is headed at all if she’s being honest, and not knowing the words just frustrates her to the core. She lets out a loud groan, burying her face into her hands. He reaches out for her, squeezing her shoulders gently.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“I was talking to Andrew about us, and he just made me doubt myself a little.” Calum looks taken aback and she wishes she could retract her words, “No no not like that, I like you a lot- god I think I love you. It’s just- he thinks I’m using you as a rebound and I know I’m not but I’m thinking too much about it and-“ He presses his lips to her and she sighs into the kiss.

“I love you too, doll.” She feels her heart flutter and her mind ease.

Karla finds herself staying longer than the week that she intended to, but nobody seemed to mind. Truth is, everyone was enjoying her presence and creativity. She had tonnes of stories to tell with her words and with each passing day, the boys felt more comfortable to be around her and let their walls down. They dabbled in different styles and sounds, creating things the band never thought they were capable of. But eventually Karla had to get back to writing for other artists as well and she had to bid her goodbyes despite Calum’s protests.

“I don’t understand why you have to go.” Calum pouts as he’s sprawled on her bed while she packs the little stuff that she brought. Ashton was sat on the floor along with Luke and Michael who were all moping around since she announced last night that she had to leave in the morning.

“Because, I’m working for other artists as well. You know that perfectly well, Cal.”

“Can’t you just work with us until the album is done?” Michael plays with a stray piece of thread from his hoodie. Karla shoots him a glare, knowing that he was only making the situation worse by agreeing with Calum.

“C’mon,” She forces Calum to sit up. They all gather around her like children and she laughs.

“I’m not leaving you guys to die, the album’s almost there already and you know it. Just work on it for a couple more days and you’ll be done and back in LA. Then we can all go out and have a party okay?” Calum sighs as he melts into her and the rest of the boys agree. They leave the couple in the room to bid their goodbyes and help to carry the small duffel Karla had brought to her car.

“It’s only going to be a week before you’re done, babe. I’ll call you okay?” She kisses his forehead and he can only agree. He walks her to her car after saying goodbye to the rest of the guys, and receives an apology from Andrew.

“I’m sorry for being a dick when you announced that you two were together.” He hugs her tight.

“I know you were just looking out for me.”

“I always will.” He kisses her forehead and for a moment she sees jealousy flash across Calum’s eyes. Karla rolls her eyes and shakes her head at the boy. He pouts when their eyes meet and he comes hugging, lifting her off the floor and spinning her around. He kisses her so passionately she felt the fireworks burst into flames in her chest.

Karla cups his face in her hands, squishing his cheeks, “I’ll miss you too sweet pea, see you in a week.”

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fic #5 second of summer imagines #calum hood #calum hood fics #calum hood imagines #Luke hemmings #Michael Clifford #Ashton Irwin

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punkrockmads · 4 years

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One More Thing

Unspoken Words part 3

Sarah searches her room frantically, moving another pillow off of her bed. Much to her dismay, her beloved Gus isn't there. She refuses to stop until she finds the misplaced stuffed sheep. She decides to ask if any of her family members have seen him. She walks to Joel's room, faded black socks padding lightly against the wooden floor. She knocks, waiting for an answer.

"Dad?" She calls through the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah!" Joel calls back from somewhere in the room. Sarah opens the door, finding Joel sitting on the end of his bed with a guitar in his lap. Joel glances up at her with a smile before going looking back to the guitar he's cleaning. It's been a month since that night Sarah forgave him. A month since she's started calling him dad. He's overjoyed, to say the least.

"Have you seen Gus anywhere?" Sarah asks. "I had him last night during movie night, but now I can't find him. I looked everywhere."

Joel glances down, scratching his beard as he thinks. "Did you check in the couch cushions?" He asks, looking back up at her. Sarah's face lights up.

"Of course!" She grins. "He has to be there. Thanks!" With that, she rushes out, closing the door behind her as Joel chuckles. Sarah heads downstairs, turning to go into the living room only to bump into someone. The two fall back from the force, both letting out frustrated groans.

"What the fuck!" The person yells. Sarah opens her eyes, realizing she ran into Ellie. Ellie glares at her, annoyed.

"Sorry, Ellie." Sarah apologises, fighting back a smile. Ellie does the same, but she's unable to hold back her laughter. Sarah laughs with her as she stands, offering Ellie a hand. Ellie takes it, standing up.

"You're in a hurry." Ellie teases. "Aren't you supposed to be on patrol with Jesse in a bit?"

"Yeah, but I can't find Gus." Sarah explains. "Have you seen him anywhere?"

"Oh, yeah!" Ellie says. "You dropped him last night when you got scared by that creepy ghost girl in the movie." Sarah rolls her eyes at Ellie's playful grin. Ellie turns around, walking into the living room and picking Gus up off of the windowsill. She hands him to Sarah.

"How did I not notice that?" Sarah groans, taking the little sheep from her.

"I mean, that movie was pretty scary." Ellie chuckles.

"It was!" Sarah agrees. "But it was really cool, too." Sarah pauses for a moment. "Hey, don't you have farming duty today?"

"Yep." Ellie sighs. "Me and Dina."

"Good luck." Sarah chuckles. Farming is one of the more difficult tasks, but it's important. It's a lot of responsibility. "Oh shit! I gotta get going!" Sarah exclaims, putting her shoes on and grabbing her gear by the front door.

"Stay safe." Ellie says, walking over to give Sarah a hug.

"Always." Sarah grins. And with that, she leaves to join Jesse for patrol.

"Hey, Sarah!" A little girl with long brown hair calls from inside the stables.

"Hey, Judith!" Sarah calls back, walking into the stables. She leans on one of the wooden gates, fidgeting with a few strands of hair that fell out of her loose ponytail. "Jesse here yet?"

Judith shakes her head. "Nope." she says. "Are you guys going on patrol again?"

"Yeah." Sarah nods. "Creek trails this time, so it'll take a bit longer." Judith bites her lip, adjusting her Sherriff's hat. It was a gift from her father. "What is it, Judith?" Judith tugs at the hem of Sarah's black tank top. Sarah crouches down to Judith's level. Judith can be shy when it comes to asking for things. Sometimes, she asks Sarah or Jesse to bring her simple mundane things they find on their patrols. She trusts them and looks up to them. Judith cups her hands around Sarah's ear, leaning in.

"Can you bring me back some flowers?" She whispers. Sarah chuckles as Judith leans back.

"I can do that." Sarah nods with a smile, standing up. Judith's eyes light up with glee. Sarah turns to look at the entrance to the stables, growing impatient with Jesse. "Where is that dork?"

"Do you love Jesse?" Judith asks suddenly, catching Sarah off guard.

"I- wha- no!" Sarah's eyes go wide, face turning red. "Why would you ask that?"

"He loves you." Judith states simply; as if she's reading a fact from a textbook. "I can tell." At this, Sarah's curiosity grows.

"How can you tell?" Sarah asks her, wondering how this eight year old could assume such a thing.

"I just can." Judith shrugs. Just as Judith is about to continue, Jesse walks into the stables.

"Speak of the devil." Sarah jokes, smiling at Jesse.

"What, you two were talkin' about me?" Jesse asks with a playful grin.

"Yeah, we were wondering why you were taking so long!" Sarah says before Judith can tell him what they were really saying. Judith catches on, playing along with Sarah's teasing. Sarah punches Jesse's bicep.

"Ow!" Jesse laughs. "I was grabbing us lunch from the diner! And I... might've slept in..."

"That sounds like you." Sarah laughs. "Okay, we gotta go." Jesse looks down at Judith, giving her a kind smile and patting her head before following Sarah to their horses.

Water splashes as the horses walk through the creek, leaving water droplets on Sarah's arms and cooling her down. The hot summer sun beats down on them.

"Hey, Jesse!" Sarah calls behind her. "How about we get out of this sun for a bit?"

"Secret spot?" Jesse suggests, catching on.

"Secret spot." Sarah confirms with a grin.

Jesse and Sarah's hideout has definetly changed a bit. The door to the hair salon has been shut and locked but not boarded up. The two moved a couple chairs from the salon into the room and even found a cool rainbow colored rug they managed to clean up. Using the extra paint Jesse had left after painting the galaxy on the ceiling, Sarah painted a bunch of purple and black roses on the wall in the far left corner. Jesse took the liberty of signing his name in the opposite corner so Sarah decided to sign hers right above one of the flowers.

The two crawled through the hole into the Employee Bathroom after tying their horses up inside the bar.

"Remind me to grab some wildflowers for Judith on our way back." Sarah says as Jesse unlocks the door to their secret spot.

"Sure." Jesse says, opening the door. He walks into the room, holding the door open for Sarah. Sarah gives him a thankful smile, walking in and sitting on the desk. "You know we have four perfectly good chairs in here, right?" Jesse teases, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep!" Sarah laughs. "But I like my desk." Jesse sits down in the office chair, moving to prop his legs up on the desk beside Sarah.

"Oh, I brought something." Jesse says, taking his backpack off and sitting it in his lap. Sarah takes her backpack off, setting it on the floor beside the desk. Jesse pulls out a folded red cloth. "This is why it took me so long to leave the diner." He says, folding back the corners of the cloth to reveal two small pastries Sarah hasn't seen before.

"What the hell is that?" Sarah asks, staring at them with confusion.

"These..." Jesse began, handing Sarah one. "Are coconut macaroons. Made by our very own Ms. Edna."

"Edna made these?" Sarah studies the macaroons, smelling the coconut. "How?"

"Her nephew found a recipe." Jesse says. "Trust me, they're good." Sarah splits her macaroon into two halves, taking a small bite out of one of them. She experiences an overwhelming taste of coconut and sugar immediately, making her pause for a moment before she continues chewing. Jesse chuckles at her puzzled expression.

"What do you think?" He asks, taking another bite of his macaroon.

"It's good." Sarah says, nodding. "Very sweet." She laughs lightly, smiling at Jesse. She puts the other half back in the cloth, carefully folding it up. "I'll save this half for Judith."

"Good idea." Jesse says, taking his last bite. "She'll love it." Sweets and pastries are hard to come by so, whenever Sarah finds any, she likes to share them with Judith and sometimes Ellie. They make dark, gloomy days seem a bit brighter. Sarah leans her head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. She counts the tiny stars Jesse painted, sitting in comfortable silence.

"Do you think aliens exist?" Sarah asks, glancing at Jesse. He looks at her fondly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I dunno." Jesse answers. "Maybe."

"I just don't think we can be the only planet with life." Sarah says. "There's gotta be more out there." She sits up, shifting to sit with her legs crossed over Jesse's before leaning back against the wall once more.

"You're starting to sound like Ellie." Jesse chuckles. Sarah laughs with him.

"Maybe that crazy Battle Ghosts book she used to love finally got to me." Sarah says, recalling the book Ellie had mentioned a million times a couple of years ago.

"What would you say if you could talk to an alien?" Jesse asks, watching Sarah with butterflies in his stomach.

"Uhm..." Sarah pauses, clearing her throat. She furrows her brows, her throat feeling scratchy and slightly tight. "It depends. Are they trying to kill me or be friends?" Sarah coughs, gently touching at her neck. Jesse spots the redness right away.

"Hey, you okay?" He asks, growing worried for Sarah.

"Yeah." Sarah answers, trying to stop her coughing. "Something's just stuck in my throat." But Jesse can tell something else is wrong. He's seen something similar before with a little kid who was allergic to peanuts. He stands up, trying not to panic and worry Sarah.

"Hey, we need to get you back." Jesse says, grabbing his and Sarah's things. "I think you're having an allergic reaction." Sarah's eyes go wide.

"What?" Sarah asks, starting to freak out. "How bad?" She stands beside Jesse, taking her backpack from him.

"You're gonna be fine. We just gotta get you to the infirmary. C'mon." Jesse ushers her out into the bar. Sarah notices it's slowly getting harder and harder for her to breathe. 'Don't panic.' she thinks to herself. 'It'll be okay.' Jesse walks right beside her out to the horses, keeping a close eye on her. He notices her chest rise and fall with every deep breath she takes.

"Okay, c'mere. Let's get you on Cobalt." Jesse says, reaching for Sarah's hand. Sarah pulls away.

"I'm not leaving Ponyo." Sarah says, moving to untie her horse.

"Sarah, you can't ride. It's too dangerous." Jesse reasons, wondering if Sarah's lost her mind.

"I don't have to. She'll follow." Sarah explains, turning to Ponyo. She reaches up and puts a hand behind one of Ponyo's ears. "Ponyo, on me." She says. The horse lets out a small huff. Sarah pats her once before letting Jesse help her onto Cobalt. Hesitantly, Jesse climbs in front and starts forward. Ponyo follows close behind. Trusting that Ponyo will follow, Jesse takes off, going as fast as he can to get Sarah home. Sure enough, Ponyo stays right on their tail, following her rider all the way home.

Sarah is almost gasping for air by the time they make it back, her body pressed against Jesse's. Jesse wastes no time leaving the horses with a few people at the stables and carrying Sarah to the infirmary. He lets a young woman working there know what's happening and she rushes off to find what she needs as Jesse lowers Sarah onto one of the beds. He sits at the foot of her bed, grabbing her hand tightly and fighting to hide his panic. Sarah's in tears, horrified by the suffocating feeling. Air. She needs air.

"Sarah, look at me." Jesse says, taking her other hand in his. Sarah looks at him in fear. "You're gonna be fine. Okay, you're gonna be just fine. Deep breaths, baby. You're alright." Seconds later, the woman comes back with a syringe. Sarah keeps her eyes on Jesse's while the woman sticks the needle in her arm, providing her with the one thing that will save her life. Immediately, Sarah notices it's easier to breath. It's only a slight change but it is there and Sarah is extremely relieved. The woman tells Jesse that the medication won't go into full affect for a couple hours to which Jesse simply nods, not looking away from Sarah's gaze. The woman leaves them be. Sarah moves to sit up, desperately wanting to leave the infirmary and go home.

"Woah, hey!" Jesse grabs her shoulders, gently laying her back down. "It's okay. Just rest. They aren't gonna let you leave, yet." Sarah lets her head fall back with a huff. "Try and get some sleep. I'll stay right here, okay?" Jesse puts a hand on Sarah's knee, giving her an assuring smile. Sarah hesitates before nodding. She can't deny, she's exhausted. Jesse stays beside her as she drifts off, carefully monitoring her; watching as if he's afraid she'll die if he leaves even for a second. This was too close. He could've lost her. In a way, he feels guilty; as if he intentionally did this to her.

"Jesse?" A little voice from behind him makes him jump, turning to see Judith standing there with worried eyes. She glances at Sarah before looking back up at him. "Is she okay?" Jesse holds his hand out for the little girl, letting her know she can come closer. Judith takes his hand, moving to stand next to him.

"She's gonna be just fine." Jesse says, fighting back tears. He was terrified of losing Sarah. And he almost did.

"What happened?" Judith asks in a hushed voice, not wanting to wake Sarah.

"She had an allergic reaction." Jesse explains. "It just means she can't eat certain foods or she'll get really sick." Judith nods, accepting Jesse's minimal explanation. She'll ask him more about it another time. "Do you know where Joel is?"

Judith nods. "He's at the diner with Tommy." She says.

"Can you tell them where we are, please?" Jesse asks, his eyes locked on Sarah's smaller hand in his.

"Because you don't wanna leave Sarah?" Judith asks, already somewhat aware of the answer. Jesse simply nods. "Have you told her yet?"

Jesse looks at Judith, tears threatening to spill. "Not yet." He says, putting a hand on her head. "But I almost lost my chance and I'm not gonna lose it again." He looks back at Sarah. With that, Judith runs off to get Joel. In only ten minutes, Joel rushes to Sarah's side.

"What the hell happened? Is she okay?" he asks, looking down at his daughter. "What gave her an allergic reaction?"

Jesse puts a finger to his lips, silently pleading for Joel to keep his voice down. "She's gonna be fine." he assures. "She's allergic to coconut."

Joel lets out a sigh of relief, a tiny smile appearing on his face. "You're telling me, out of all the things that could kill my daughter, coconut is one of them?" He chuckles a bit. "God dammit." He leans forward, pressing a kiss to Sarah's temple. "Don't scare me like that, kiddo." he mumbles more to himself.

"This is my fault." Jesse mumbles, not realizing he's speaking out loud. Joel looks at him, brows furrowed.

"This ain't your fault." Joel says, putting a hand on Jesse's shoulder. "You couldn't 've known. Actually, you saved her life by knowing what was happening and bringin' her back."

"I thought she was gonna die." Jesse looks up at Joel, tightening his grip on Sarah's hand. "She almost... what if I didn't get back in time? What if she-"

"But you did bring her back." Joel cuts in. "And she's right here. She's safe." At this point, he's reassuring Jesse and himself. He's reminding himself that his daughter is safe and sound beside him. "Don't blame yourself, kid." Jesse nods, rubbing Sarah's knuckles with the bad of his thumb. "How long till she can go home?"

"Hour and a half." Jesse answers. "I'm not leaving her." Joel nods, knowing what Sarah means to Jesse. He won't try to make him leave. It honestly comforts him, knowing Jesse is watching over her. Joel stands up, placing a hand on Sarah's shoulder for a moment before giving Jesse a thankful nod and leaving the infirmary.

About twenty minutes later, Sarah begins to shift in her sleep. The redness on her neck has faded almost completely and she's breathing a lot easier, something that fills Jesse with relief. She lays on her right side, facing the wall and crossing her arms over her chest in an 'X'; a thing she does when something frightens her in her sleep. Jesse notices her slight discomfort in the way her brows furrow. He scoots closer, gently placing a hand on her arm.

"Shh, Sarah." he says softly. "I'm still here. I won't leave you." Sarah relaxes, a small sigh escaping her lips. She's still breathing. She's here. She's okay. Jesse keeps reminding himself she's okay. Sarah's eyelids flutter open, blue, watery eyes locking with Jesse's almost instantly. "Hey." Jesse smiles at her. "Feel better?" Sarah nods, sitting up. She sits cross legged facing Jesse, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She goes to speak but her voice is scratchy and dull. "Hang on." Jesse says, turning around to reach into his backpack. He pulls out a water bottle, handing it to Sarah. Sarah takes it gratefully, taking a few small sips before handing it back to him. Jesse watches with relief as she takes full, steady breaths.

"How long did I sleep?" Sarah asks. Hearing her voice, Jesse can't hold back anymore. He pulls Sarah into his arms, holding her close. Sarah doesn't hesitate to hug him back.

"You scared the shit out of me." Jesse chuckles, letting a tear slip and fall onto Sarah's shoulder.

"Sorry." Sarah mumbles, feeling bad for making Jesse worry. Jesse pulls away, cupping Sarah's face in his hands.

"No, don't be sorry!" Jesse laughs. "I'm just glad you're okay." Despite desperately wanting to kiss Sarah, Jesse knows he has to take her home. "Hey, you ready to head home?" Sarah nods, taking one of Jesse's hands as he lets go of her face. He grabs their bags off the floor, helping Sarah stand carefully. "How're you feelin'?"

"A lot better." Sarah sighs, walking beside Jesse.

"Sarah-" Just as Jesse is about to confess, Judith comes running down the road toward them.

"Sarah!" The little girl yells, her little cowboy boots thudding against the ground. Sarah bonds down, kneeling with her arms open for Judith. Judith runs into her arms, the two immediately embracing each other. "You're okay!"

"Of course I am." Sarah chuckles. "Can't get rid of me that easily." She holds Judith close, a warm smile on her face. Jesse can't help but grin, seeing two of his favorite people happy. Sarah pulls away. "Hey. I couldn't get you flowers but... Jesse has something for you." Sarah looks up at Jesse as he rifles through his backpack before handing Judith the other half of Sarah's Macaroon. Judith pulls back the cloth, her eyes lighting up at the sight of the pastry.

"Thank you." Judith says to both of them. "Oh shoot! I'm supposed to be helping Edna!" And with that, she runs off again, waving goodbye to Sarah and Jesse.

"That little girl adores you." Jesse says as Sarah stands up. Sarah just rolls her eyes, the two of them walking home in peaceful silence.

"Wanna stay over for dinner?" Sarah asks as they walk up to her front door. "As a thank you for saving me?"

"Okay, first of all, you don't need to thank me. I didn't do anything." Jesse pauses. "Second of all, if Joel's cooking, you know I'm gonna stay."

Sarah chuckles, reaching for the door. "Alright." Just as Sarah is about to continue, she's tackled into a bear hug by Ellie and Dina. "Woah!"

"Thank God you're okay." Ellie sighs, squeezing Sarah tightly.

"I won't be if you strangle me to death." Sarah teases. Ellie and Dina laugh, letting the girl go.

"Joel told us what happened." Dina says. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Sarah assures, smiling at the two. Ellie looks at her skeptically. "Really! I'm totally fine!"

"Okay..." Ellie says, hesitantly. "Oh, Tommy's here. He's in the living room with Joel." Sarah nods, setting her stuff down by the door to take upstairs later. Jesse follows her lead, setting his stuff down before following her into the living room. Tommy and Joel are sitting on the couch arguing over which movie to watch. Joel turns around and stands up as soon as he sees Sarah.

"Hey, kiddo." Joel greets her, pulling her into a hug.

"Hey, dad." Sarah replies. "Jesse can stay for dinner, right?"

"Yeah, I don't see why not." Joel says, giving Sarah one last squeeze before letting her go. "It's in the oven now. Tommy and I are tryin' to pick a movie."

"I already picked one." Tommy calls, starting some random western movie.

"Dammit." Joel sighs. He walks back over to the couch, sitting beside Tommy. Sarah sits on the floor in front of the second couch where Ellie and Dina are sitting. Even though there's plenty of room, Sarah prefers the floor. Jesse sits beside her and she rests her head on his shoulder. They sit through the movie quietly, not wanting to tell Tommy that it's awful. Nobody wants to deal with his shit.

"Sarah?" Jesse says, turning to look at her. Sarah looks up at him with a soft smile. "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?"

Slightly confused, Sarah nods. "Yeah, c'mon." She stands up, taking Jesse's hand and leading him into the kitchen. She stands in front of him, facing him with her arms crossed. Jesse stands there in silence for a minute. "What-"

"I'm in love with you." Jesse blurts out. "And seeing you hurt... it- it terrified me. I thought I was gonna lose you and I realized, if I don't say this to you now, I might not ever-" before Jesse can finish his rant, Sarah presses her lips to his. Without a moment of hesitation, Jesse kisses back, his eyes closing and his hands moving to cup Sarah's face once more. This is it. Everything he's felt for years is now confirmed; solidified. Finally, after waiting for what felt like decades, he has the love of his life in his arms.

"I love you, too." Sarah says after they pull away.

"Oh my God, finally!!" Ellie yells from the kitchen entryway, making the two jump, turning to see her, Dina, and Joel standing there with huge grins on their faces. "Shit. Sorry." Ellie apologizes, chuckling. "Now, come on! You're missing the movie!"

#the last of us #the last of us 2 #tlou dina #ellie williams #ellie tlou #sarah miller #sarah tlou #joel miller #joel tlou #tlou jesse #fanfiction

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nyarisu · 4 years

Text

Völkerball liveblogging

Dear lord this took me so long to edit you better appreciate it

Reise reise

Oooo~ but I still like the Hellfest version more :)) (Till’s face during the Hellfest chorus will always be my sexuality)

Schneider’s costume is fabulous but I’ll never trust those curls

Also vampire Reesh that’s a good look

Asdfghjklthe vagina entrance XDDD they really had to

Hello nice legs

I’ve watched this only once because i don’t like the sound. Someone said Till was sick and I don’t know what actually happened but his voice kinda sounds like it, especially more towards the middle of the live.

But the chorus is still so nice~

The tongue via Till’s fucked up slut face

Olli’s really serious

"Ist kein Licht am Horizont" REESH DO YOU WANNA KILL ME?? That was one sexy face

I really love Till’s expressions i want to kiss his face

The eyes! And then looking up to the sky<3 (was there even a sky or was inside I didn’t even notice XD)

I really don’t like Paul and Flake’s costumes

Fucking god that entrance is craking me up

Links 234

Hei hei hei!

I love how they all march on the stage

Bwhbwbwhwbhwbwhw XD

That’s a nice middle to wrap your hands around, mr Lindemann

I love when he’s hittig his chest on “links”

THE FANGS

Paul means business XD

You can’t not sing with them during links

Oh the solo<3 sounds so nice live

Thank god my favourite person from this stupid band is also the one most filmes otherwise I would’ve been in trouble

Dem boobs XD

Keine lust

I thought it was Sonne for one sec

He kicked the mic stand XD

Now you can hear he’s a little raspy

Yes Till we know the lyrics’ meaning and also that you’re horny

The chorus sounds nice again, it sounds better when he’s actually siniging vs talking

Who’s foamning at the mouth over that patch of skin under his pants, I’ve seen people talk about that (unfortunately it’s doing nothing for me)

"kaaaalt. Soo kaaaalt" I’ll keep you warm bby just don’t be sad T_T

Ok but Flake’s headpiece is actually hilariuous gotta admit

I really want to kiss Till *opening his mouth like a retarded owl* I don’t think I want anymore

Feuer frei

That was his I’m ready to slut pose XD

DONT HIT YOURSELF YOU DUMB BABY

Ooooooh Olli got shirtless (what were they calling this?)

I really like RZK’s top

Of course he’s gotta bully Flake

Chumby

I’m really trying to focus more on image but the voice is such a big thing for me and it’s clear he has something

The masks!! I love those so much

„Jaaaa”

Wow Schneider’s drumsticks went out with a literal bang

Asche zu Asche

4 lines later I finally realised what song is >.< and only because Till began to sing...

DID YOU SEE WHAT HE WAS DOING WITH THOSE DRUMSTICKS?!? I knew why I had a thing for hands/fingers

Asdfghjkl Richard strutting down the stage with his little red stripe<3

He’s a moody goth and I love his look did he just put his hands on his hips? XD

Till’s cheeks! I want to pinch his face

Everyone’s favourite part and THE NECK TILT ok wow now that was hot

Tho I usually preffer the “In zehn Tagen” to RZK’s “Ich komm wieder” now it was the opposite (probably because I couldn’t see Till that well) and Reesh acting all sexy was definitely improving it

Go Flake go XD he’s so serious and by the end he’s having the time of his life meanwhile Till is having an existential crisis (another)

Olli’s abs are heeeeella nice

Till with his hand over his heart didn’t help his case

Yeah Richard ok you’re sexy i get it holly fuck I’ve never been more attracted to him

And now i’ll never be able to unsee the neck tilt

That ich kom wieder just unmade me

Morgenstern

Bath time XD

I really like when Till slicks his hair back

Dear lord the chorus thank you for your voice sir and congrats on it

I really like the general image of a bassist playing their bass (other verb I could’ve used was fingering XD that’s literally what he’s doing!!)

Ooooh the keyboards sound so nice<3

DON’T pluck your eyes out!

The fire part is really impressive

I love then Richard is doign his gay boy pose XD and then the closeup on him while bobbing his head

I need to say once again the chorus sounds wundershon

Mein Teil

The first 2 seconds I thought it was MHB

Paul and Richard walking towards each other<3

Aaaand the epicness begins!

Schneider is fabulous behind his drums, can’t forget about him

YEET

The tongue’s is at it again

FLAKE POPING UP WITH THAT SMILE CRACKED ME UP you demented human

People are rocking the hell out this song

“durch Engelsscharen” Till’s expression<3

And the maddnes begins. Wow it was shorter than usual... obviously, it was at the beginning

Flake has such a special style of running I can’t XD

Stein um Stein

And everyone is gonna talk about him drawing a house xD it was cute (considering what the song is about)

You’re being a slut again

Aaaaah I want to complain about the playback but I really can’t I rather prefer him with vocal cords. At least the rest of the song sounded excelent!

The little sound at the end of „sein” and his face: childish enjoyment while talking about fucked up shit. If this doesn’t perfectly summarize Till then I don’t know what does

Schenider’s smile

No but really beside the screeching parts he sung it so well!

Were they trying to film Richards crotch? Whatever he’s sexy

Another reason why I watch this only once before was me being kind of meh regarding Till’s look he’s my favourite after all I gotta act the part

Los

My fucking god Scheider’s legs! I fucking love thighs. And he has a nice ass too

Richard’s smile!! Don’t kill me

Is it me or does Till start to stare into space and look generally Not Ok (tm)?

„fucking mickey mouse” XDDD

Los is among the last 10 songs on my list I usually just skip it

I died when I saw him with a harmonica the first time

Flake and Olli XD

Don’t manhandle poor Flake (I really want to say I wish that were me but knowing myself I would probably just deck Till in the face XD)

The sunglasses are sick

RZK and Till headbaning<3

Rip (rest in pieces) to keyboard

Du riechts so gut

THE BOW! The cute flamingo pose aside, that bow is one of my favourite pyro effects ever

And then the synchronised bodybanging<3

That „pang” never sounded so good?

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN MENTIONED THE NECK TILT REESH IS SO SEXY HERE I CAN’T EVEN

The deepest he sings the lees you hear the raspiness

Lord! The whole audience just fucking went for it

Schneider’s muscles, Richard’s little smirk and Till zombie 2.0

Even more bodybanging. Flake is enjoying himself

WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU SO PRETTY?!? (me to Richard)

Flake casually going back to his keyboards uthgjkhfzc that looked so cool and smooth

I promise I still drool over Till just... Richard is so prettily standing there! I cant ignore him!

The firesleeves are so cool and it looks so good, especially with them facing different ways

And freeze! Nice and dramatic

Till hammer time

That one guy really feeling the „DRSG” in the audience XD

Benzine

3 consecutive thought: it is Benzine fuck yeah, I can never tell if it’s Benzine or Keine Lust, Till’s terrified face

The most Rammstein song to ever Rammstein

Paul going wild XD but I still don’t like his hat

Flake is spazzing again

Du hast

Thank god I’m actually enjoying this song now, I skipped it for half a year

The drums and the beginning and the keyboards are <3

The tongue >w<

People are going wild

I like Richard’s dramatic gesturing. Pretty rockstar boy

The chorus sounds so good

Flake what is that on your head? XD is he a One Piece character?

Did he just casually shoved the mic into his pocket? XD

I much more preffer the newest effect from Paris onwards (which is also my top favourite)

Sehnsucht

This song has a very special and unique feel to it probably because it screams Live aus Berlin more than any other (and now I feel like watching LAB again)

It’s the chanting in the background probably

He’s sounding sick again :(

You have muscles in the arms (and probably legs too) and chumby in the belly it’s perfect

Lol @ Paul trying to look scary

„SEHNSUCHT!”

Ok Richard honey you can stop with the sexy neck tilt

He’s slapping the hell out of his guitar

Please stop pulling your hair out

Amerika

@Flake on that thing: wierd flex but ok

Sexy fishnet legs

Wow that’s a really soft and nice opening, pretty unexpected

LOL Flake taking off his hat like „sorry for your loss” but considering the song it’s expected from him XD

Beauatiful eyes<3

He’s just nyooming from one side of the stage to the other? XD

That eyeliner looks so fucking good on Till

Flake is suffering :)) (what the fuck was I talking about I can’t remember now that I’m editing)

Even Richard’s hair looks pretty! What the fuck??

The last scene with Schneider (and then his legs)

Rammstein

Those are some fucking guns he has right there

This is the most badass intrumental intro ever

“Scheeeeeein”

Oooooh so this is where that gif was coming from for some reason it thought it was Engel from MSG. Does this live even has Engel on it?

I love when drummers throw their sticks in the air and then catch them again

Ok the image of Till slowly backing off between Paul and Richard who were both vibing in their own way was really nice

Sonne

Schneider is enjoiying this isn’t he XD

For some reason this song doesn’t seem as energic as it usually is?

Was Till humping the mic stand? (more likely than you’d think)

Seing Flake and Till doing the hammer side by side is really funny, that’s some size difference

Ich will

Bye bye mic stand again

Till baby what did you do with your throat to make your voice sound like that?

Richard looking to the side during „ich will” hhhhhHhh

Let me slap that ass Till

I want to lick your face

Ohne dich

Ollie what are you doing

Asdfhjkl Flake comforting Till and the way he just rests his head on Flake’s shoulder is breaking my heart

Poor baby come here and let me love you

You can clearly see he’s trerrified

Lsnhxkvj his eyes<3

Nawwww they are kissing

I am silently thristing over Till don’t mind me

Please don’t cry T_T and then him looking over his bangs sfdghjkl

„is he... ya know” pose with a hand in the air Heirate mich style (aka Till Lehmann is a sub)

Look I know he’s suffering and all but I really can’t focus on that with all the water dripping off him

Stripped

No wonder I didn’t recognised the song it doensn’t even exist to me XD

Till pointing like „you. drop your panties. now” XD

I had half a mind to skip it but then I would have missed Till’s wonderful tongue performance

Was he flicking it to the rythm??

Hearing him sing in english is always so weird (I only recently rediscovered the gem the Children of the Sun is)

Richard what was that sexy face?

Ollie is braving the human seas, telepathy at its finest XD

Hmm that is a really nice lower back

Gangsta XD „how do you do fellow kids”

Paul is enjoying the show

Schneider has killer looks. Literally XD

YEET

Conclusions:

Half of it went really slow and then the other half went really fast? I don’t understand what happened

So this is the setting for Mit Dir Bin Ich Auch Allein... ok, good to know ;)

You sure this was a good idea 4 songs in and I already wrote 2 pages, now the total is at 6.

I’m not particulary fond of the looks and Till sounds sick so I usually avoid this live. Also some songs are weird with the energy so yeah

Richard is so pretty I can’t (and fucking hot how come I don’t remeber this??)

#rammstein #rammbois #liveblogging #I have a temporal crush on Richard quick I need to read some fics #but no seriously why was he so pretty??#Rena's R+ ramblings

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astarlightmonbebe · 5 years

Text

~DMing the Wrong Person; Stray Kids Hyung Line~

Bang Chan

So, Chan is a music producer and he has around 300k followers on Instagram

You honestly only followed him because he was good looking (yeah that’s a bit shallow but you actually bothered to listen to some of his beats and now you stan his music, too)

You’re just a chill fan of his, only have his post and story notifs on because you like to keep up but you’re not obsessive

Anyways so you found this really funny post with some screenshots of his recent live (which was at like midnight...and Chan was pretty tired...you love memes, you had to take advantage of him)

Chan’s insta is @prod_cb97 and you’re just scrolling through your contacts to ‘p’ to send to your friend, but it’s late and you accidentally click Chan’s name and send it before realizing your mistake

Of course you’re like ‘omg, I have to unsend that now’, but by the time you’ve exited over to it, it already says ‘seen’???

Cue: major freakout because what the heck is happening, why is he looking at your messages

AND THEN IT SHOWS HE’S TYPING?

911 is this a drill it’s 2 a.m. in the morning

He finally sends a message, ‘ik i’m a meme why do you guys bully me like this’

And you’re like; ‘jkdahfds I’M SO SORRY I’LL ESCORT MYSELF OUT’

But he’s all ‘noo, I was kidding’

Then he also adds; ‘those are high quality memes, I saved them’

Like, please, Chan, those memes were so ugly and you both knew it

You don’t know what else to say so you end up being all; ‘it’s two a.m., you should be sleeping !! us fans want you to be well rested :)’ and it sounds so weird???

You’re not that big of the fan...

It takes him a couple minutes, but he responds; ‘music doesn’t sleep :), but thank you for the concern!’

How is he so cute and cool at the same time...you’re a little bit starstruck because you’re follower account waves at 502 and his has a big ‘k’ on the end

You decide it’s time to get sleep, but then he sends you !! another !! message !!

‘Well...you know all about me, can I know a little bit about you? Anyone who creates such wholesome memes is worth getting to know’

Hmm, it almost sounds like a pickup line, but you’re not crazy

(okay, maybe a little, because you respond back with probably a little too much information than he had wanted and/or expected)

‘hi, I’m y/n and I’m just a uni student who likes way too many groups and people, I’m an art major at my college...’

He probably didn’t need to know that, you should stop, definitely

He replies back with three laughing emojis

Laughing emojis???? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??

You panic and say; ‘why are you laughing at me???!!!!’

‘oh...I’m sorry if that offended you, I just wasn’t expecting your present life story’.

Oh. You feel bad now. He was just being a nice person :(((.

‘No...I’m the one who is sorry.’

There is silence

It says ‘seen’ but he’s not typing?

Oh gosh you messed up for real this time

Ahhhhhh who let you be on Instagram at two a.m. again?????

Then, out of the darkness of that ‘seen’, there comes the sweetest words you’ve ever seen.

‘Tbh I actually was really touched at those memes because I sometimes really feel like I’m only appreciated for being handsome and not for my music...but you really made me feel like a real music person who even has memes made for them, and it made me happy 💗’

You’re over here in a puddle of tears because literally you feel like a fake fan since you don’t really keep up with him and you were so shallow in the beginning.

What comes out of your fingers is; ‘haha wow. that’s so sad because honestly you’re amazing and I have mega respect for you for being so young and doing all this stuff, also living off two hours of sleep (don’t do that). So my tbh is that you’re awesome and I’m not and like...2 a.m. feels???’

Someone stop you before you fully word vomit all over this conversation

Yet, he replies with a ‘:)’

After five minutes, the ‘typing’ icon pops up again, and he sends; ‘i hope we can talk more, y/n’

Uhhhh heck yeah you would love that, Chan would probably regret it when he learns you’re a mess all the time, but anyways!!!

‘me too’ you opt to say, and then; ‘but first, we should both sleep’

Chan likes your message; ‘we have an agreement’ he says, and then his online flag disappears, leaving you smiling at your phone.

Kim Woojin

Woojin actually goes to the same college as you

You have a few mutual friends and at a meet up one day you all exchanged numbers and instagram handles

Though you unfollowed a lot of those people, you personally found Woojin very cute and he posted song covers with his guitar too! and as you know, you’re a big music fan :) so you kept on following him

And he kept following you! You guys even comment on each other’s posts sometimes and join lives, as well as say hello to each other on campus

So maybe you started having an interest in him...but who’s to say?

Anyways one day you’re just bored and looking through insta stories instead of working on that big assignment that requires way to much work

Woojin’s posted a clip of a coming up cover on his story and you’re all like ‘oh that’s super cool’

Yet you have no courage to tell him that, so you’re just swiping past again when you’re sweaty fingers are all like ‘oh we would rather slide up instead of go right’ and suddenly you’ve sent a 100 sticker to him?

You’ve done what now?

You’re blessing instagram for being able to unsend things, but he has, once again, already seen it

It’s just your luck, really

‘thx so much’ he replies after liking your story response

‘ahaha...np’ you say, then add tentatively, ‘you’re so good at music, like you’re voice is so beautiful??’

‘aww, thank you~’ he says, and you let out a breath because you think the crisis has been averted, but suddenly...

‘you’re actually so good yourself! I really love your art, you’re super talented!’

(you personally think you SUCK at art but like,,,if Woojin thinks you’re good you must be a little, right?)

‘thanks but I’m not that good’ you reply with a laughing emoji

He sends you angry emojis next! and you’re like ??? what did I do wrong??

You wait anxiously as he’s typing

‘y/n, believe me when I say you and you’re art is so breathtaking’

It’s so short but...so good...you’re heart...is fluttering

Unsure of what to say, you like his message and send some soft heart emojis, unable to convey the emotion you feel right now

He sends a heart emoji right back, along with a blushy face

(what does that mean???)

You send one more heart and then the conversation is over, but you have a feeling that maybe something new has started as well

Maybe

Lee Minho

Minho is a famous model under JYP entertainment, and his handle is @youknow_itsminho

Firstly, you’re in love with his aesthetic, because every model picture he posts is like looking at an angel without wings.

Secondly, he always goes live all the time and it’s with his cats

People who respect and love their pets??? Yes.

Lives is how it happens, actually

You’re clicking around on Instagram, watching his live, and a notification from your friend comes in. You click on it, but your phone shorts out suddenly.

When it turns back on, it opens back up to your messages, so you quickly type out a response ‘lol’ and hit send.

It sends...but, ummm...that was not the convo you were having with your friend.

In fact, it’s to someone you’ve never even had a convo with

You quickly check the handle and, omg, it’s Minho’s account djshjkad!

When you clicked on the notification, you’re finger must have accidentally hit his account name instead.

‘At least he’s live still, so he probably won’t notice and doesn’t bother to check...’ you thought to yourself, because you were sure many people tried to talk to him since he had almost one million followers.

Haha...right?

So you go to sleep, turn off your phone and put it face down

But you forgot to turn off your ringer

At three in the morning it goes off right in your ear, really loudly

You’re already pissed at being awake and still half asleep, so when you see it’s an Instagram notification, you automatically assume it’s your friends and reply as you would to them without bothering to read the message.

‘WHY ARE YOU GUYS UP AT THREE A.M., LET ME SLEEP FOR GOODNESS SAKE I’M GOING TO BEAT YOU UP TOMORROW’

Not your finest moment,...but please, you need your beauty sleep

With that, you roll over and go back to sleep

In the morning, you wake up and go check Instagram, like you do every morning

You check your pms, but the top one shocks you so much you have to blink several times to make sure you’re not dreaming.

Minho??? He saw your ‘lol’?

Ahh...as it turns out he saw much more than just ‘lol’.

Remind you to never respond to notifications at three a.m. x.x

Then-this dude- sends you a selfie he took from snapchat or whatever with the caption ‘woken up at three a.m. from my fans’

Yes??? That’s you??? You’re sorry???

‘I’m sorry about that but dang man, no need to be so salty...’; you send

Also, you realize as you’re looking through instagram, he posted the snapshots of your message to him on his story with all these laughing emojis...THIS BOY NOW YOU’RE MAD

I mean he crossed out the handle and profile picture but you know that’s you and, really, that’s what matters right now

So you dm him again; ‘hey did you really need to post that I DIDN’T THINK I WAS THAT FUNNY’

More laughing emojis

You’re about ready to snap, but he sends you another picture with ‘i’m sorry’ scrawled over his beautiful face

You can’t help but smile at that, especially when he adds ‘i’ll talk to you tomorrow?’

‘to clear up this misunderstanding of course :)’ he is quick to add

‘of course’; you say, smiling as you log off

Seo Changbin

Changbin is your best friend’s scary older brother

He followed you first so you followed him back for courtesy’s sake

Plus you like to laugh at his bucket hat posts...

The bucket hat posts is how it all starts

He posts another one and you’re sending it to your friend to laugh about how he looks so soulless, but...ahah...their contacts are right next to each other and maybe you accidentally clicked his?

You’re really not sure how it happened, except the message is sent to Changbin and definitely not your friend

And wow, reading it back, that sounds so mean, especially considering you sent it to the person the message was about

He’s seen it

Oh...wow...you’re really screwed

You immediately try and send an apology that goes something along the lines of ‘I AM SO SO SORRY I SWEAR I DIDN’T MEAN FOR THAT TO COME OFF SO MEAN OR ANYTHING REALLY’

He sees it again

And leaves you like that for a whole hour

Where you just kind of turn your phone off and try and do something else but the anxiety keeps you checking your phone constantly

Finally he says ‘I’m used to people making fun of me and my hat, no big deal’

But that’s actually kind of sad, so you’re all like ‘:(((’

And he’s all ‘is this conversation done’

Which kind of slaps but like it’s all your fault anyways so whatever

You find some hug gif and send it to him, and then you get radio silence before he actually sends a ‘thanks’

Hmm...you can’t read sarcasm online...

‘are you being sarcastic?’ you ask

‘no, that made me smile’ he tells you and wow, you weren’t expecting him to be quite so touched by a random gif you found

‘i’m glad!’ you send him, and he actually sends a smiley face?

(he uses emojis? in all your years you had never pegged Seo Changbin as the emoji sending type of person. surprises happen, you guess)

‘I really am very sorry though :(’ you send again because you’re REALLY sorry

‘you’re forgiven, so don’t sweat over it haha’ he tells you

You guess that’s that but you still feel really bad about the whole situation, like you never thought you were a mean person, but that was pretty mean of you

You don’t want to bother him by apologizing again

So you just say ‘ah okay, I won’t~I hope you have a good day’

And he’s like ‘you too’

You can’t tell if he’s just using etiquette or if he really means it, but you’ll take what you can get

(you also never make fun of him or anyone ever again, having learned your lesson)

(your friend also finds out about this exchange and mercilessly teases both of you)

170 notes · View notes

geminiamethyst · 4 years

Text

The Phoenix. Chapter 10: Reunited.

Boy this chapter was a pain! So is writer’s block!

Sorry this chapter took a while, I had to rethink it a couple of times to make it seem right.

Hope you guys enjoy it.

Wind rushing through him, the Hobgoblin raced across the sky. His black panther streaked across the air so fast, that the cloak and top hat that the magician wore almost threatened to be blown off. His eyes scanned the world below him, slowly becoming tired and sore. He had been at this since he promised to find Kyun. He went back to Damien’s domain, only to find it completely abandoned. Even the damage that Shin had inflicted to the place hadn’t been repaired. The Hobgoblin wouldn’t be too surprised that the reason that Damien had abandoned ship was because he didn’t want Kyun or Shin to come after him. He had been trying to find traces as to where Kyun may have gone. Surprisingly enough, all the evidence as to where he could’ve been was well taken care of. Clearly, he was being extra cautious, not wanting to get caught by the Organisation again. Also, Shin was correct. As he searched, the Hobgoblin found that he was going back towards the mountain. Kyun really was getting closer to the hideout. That was a puzzling and scary revelation to come across. If Kyun wasn’t careful, and if the Hobgoblin didn’t agree to help find him, then the Snufkin could’ve unknowingly led the Organisation right to Shin. The Hobgoblin needed to hurry. As soon as he got close to Kyun, his magic would be able to block the Organisation from tracking him. Then, and only then, will the Hobgoblin not have to worry about anything else for now.

Rubbing his eyes to give them a minute, the Hobgoblin sighed. A part of him wondered how a Snufkin could’ve moved so quick to get to Shin. He realised that their bond must have been strong enough to feel each other’s presence whenever they were separated. After thinking about for a second, the magician started to scan the area once again. That was when he noticed it. Smoke. Grey smoke that was rising from the ground. It was clearly from a campfire, as there was no sign to indicate that it was a forest fire. However, it was coming out in short bursts, as if someone was deliberately covering it for a few seconds before releasing it and repeating the method over and over again. This was obviously deliberate. It was used to grab someone’s attention. Was it the Hobgoblin who was meant to see it? Not taking anything to chance, the magician directed his loyal animal towards the smoke, bracing himself should it be a trap.

———————————————————————————

Kyun slowly came to a stop as he felt his wrist stiffen up a little while he played. He wasn’t sure why that was the case. He put it down to not playing the instrument for a while. After all he had spent most of the time running from the Organisation. He glanced over at Ken, who didn’t seemed too fazed by Kyun stopping his music. He was clearly more focused on the smoke signals. He ignored the soot that covered his fingertips and the black specks that acted like freckles on his face. Sweat dripped off of his skin like a river as the heat was starting to get to him, making him a little dizzy. Despite all that though, he kept pushing himself to keep doing what he was doing.

“Don’t fall asleep. Snuf!” Mumrik suddenly shouted, making the other two Snufkins snap their heads towards him. He looked desperate, almost like he was about to start crying. Snuf looked much worse. His hair was almost completely white, save for the incredibly few stands of hair on his head. The ice had engulfed the one side of his neck, creeping along the other side of his neck, his chin and cheek. His lips were ice blue and dark circles started to form under his eyes. His shivering was slowing down, become more and more silent. His eyes were dull and were starting to close completely. He tried to keep them open, but he was losing the battle.

“Snuf! You’ve got to keep your eyes open. Hey!” Kyun joined in, leaving his guitar on the ground and going to Mumrik’s side. He lightly patted Snuf’s face to try to get him to be more awake, but it wasn’t doing much. The youngest only continued to close his eyes and become even more limp. Even his breathing started to fade away. Kyun hissed suddenly as he felt the ice prick at his bare skin. He retracted his hands so quick that he almost fell over backwards. He examined his hands to make sure that he wasn’t starting to freeze too. Thankfully the ice on his skin melted within seconds.

“Mumrik, you’re gonna have to move him off of you.” He said, fearing what might happen if Mumrik didn’t do as he was told.

“But-“ Mumrik started to protest.

“You might freeze too. I know you want to help warm him up, but we can’t take that risk.” Kyun hissed, cutting his friend off. Mumrik shook his head a little but looked down at his hands. Ice was slowly creeping onto his hands and he could feel it on his lap. Biting his lip, he slowly and carefully moved Snuf off of him. The youngest didn’t do anything as a protest. He was far too weak to do anything. Mumrik looked away, once again feeling the guilt weigh on him like an anchor. He ignored it as best he could by warming his hands and brushing the ice from his clothes.

Ken snuck a glance over to what was happening, only to quickly turn away. He couldn’t bare to see a friend like that. He needed to focus on these smoke signals. Someone, anyone had to see them. They need to hurry up and get here. If they don’t come then they’ll have to think of something else. Or, Booble forbid, prepare for the worst case scenario. Ken shook his head furiously at that thought. ‘Don’t think like that, idiot!‘ he shouted internally. He promptly wiped the sweat that cascaded down his forehead. He continued creating the smoke signals, hoping that he would get the result that he and the others needed.

As if his prayers had answered, a loud growl erupted very suddenly from the sky. The trio looked up at the blue sky. Streaking down towards them, in a blur of dark colours, was the Hobgoblin himself. His panther landed gracefully on the ground, a breeze and small dust cloud following behind it. As the Hobgoblin climbed off of his companion, Kyun couldn’t help but give him a hard stare. Despite knowing that the magician was on their side, he still couldn’t help but feel anger towards him.

“Which one of you is Kyun?” The Hobgoblin suddenly asked, walking towards the group.

“That’s me.” Kyun stated as he stepped forward. The Hobgoblin studied him with wise eyes. It was as if he was staring right into Kyun’s soul, making him feel a little uncomfortable.

“Shin asked me to find you. I’m to take you to him.” The Magician explained, believing that he was looking at who he was searching for. Kyun was taken aback by this. Shin really did ask the Hobgoblin to find him? He felt happy at this, but that was only for a moment. He needs to get things straightened out quickly or it could end disastrously for Snuf.

“Not without my friends. Especially if you can help Snuf.” Kyun argued, stepping aside so Snuf could be seen. The Hobgoblin’s stoic face suddenly looked shocked. He darted over to the youngest and had a closer look at his condition. Mumrik stood back, letting the magician look at his friend better.

“How did this happen?” The Hobgoblin asked, gently pressing his gloved hand to Snuf’s forehead.

“The Lady of the Cold did this to him. Is there a cure?” Ken asked as he dowsed the fire and smothered it with dirt.

“Maybe....” the Hobgoblin muttered. He suddenly took off his cloak. He wrapped it around Snuf like a baby. He gently lifted the freezing Snufkin up into his arms. Mumrik felt his heart clench uncontrollably as he, Kyun and Ken saw how limp Snuf had rapidly gotten. Kyun saw the look on his face and instantly placed a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. Mumrik didn’t respond other than looking down in defeat.

“I will carry your friend on my panther but you’ll have to follow me as closely as you can.” The Hobgoblin explained, climbing onto the back of his panther. The others picked up their things, Kyun taking Snuf’s voluntarily. Ken recovered his coat since Snuf wasn’t using it for his head anymore. He shook it as hard as he could, clearing all the ice off of it. Seeing this, the Hobgoblin silently commanded his panther to take flight. The others didn’t hesitate in running after them. Being careful of the roots sticking out of the ground, they kept up as much as they can.

By time the panther had landed the group couldn’t stop panting and sweating bullets. It took all they had not to collapse as they felt like they had just stepped off of a boat. As they caught their breath, they realised where they were. They were at the very base of the mountain, where the forest had thinned out a little. Before them was the gaping mouth of a dark cave. The Hobgoblin climbed off of his panther again. He looked at the three standing I; front of him.

“After you.” He said, trying to be polite. Kyun wasn’t sure. He was about to protest but decided not to. He figured that there would be no point in wasting his breath. Cautiously, he walked inside the cave, Mumrik and Ken slowly following behind him. The Hobgoblin and his panther strode behind them. The cave was immensely dark, no light at all. It took a moment as the Snufkins eyes adjusted to the dark. As they continued along the cave, the walls started to become smooth. This wasn’t just a cave, it was a long, straight tunnel. Kyun couldn’t help but wonder how long the tunnel went on for. He was met with his answer as he could faintly make out a door in the dark. The feeling that he had since he and Shin were supersets grew stronger. Heart beating in his ears, Kyun reaches out a hand and turned the cool, brass doorknob.

———————————————————————————

“Shin, please try to eat something this morning. You barely ate last night for crying out loud.” Fredriksson sighed as he observed the Snufkin. Shin only sighed, a little annoyed as he felt like he was treated like a child. He absentmindedly picked at a loose thread the sleeve of his father’s coat. After a bit debate in his mind, he decided to wear it after all, the lost child part of him wanting to be close to his parents in some way. He was starting to get sick of being stuck inside the mountain. Turns out this whole place was slap bang in the middle of it, supposedly providing one of the best hiding places on the planet. That would explain why there are no windows. However, even though the air was provided by magic, Shin felt like he was being suffocated.

“Leave him be, Fredriksson. He’s probably still processing all the information we gave him yesterday. Not to mention he’s missing his boyfriend. Kid’s having it rough.” Joxter whispered, trying to be as quiet as he could, sensing Shin’s discomfort.

“I can still hear you.” Shin grumbled as he grabbed the cup of coffee he was provided with.

“I’m sorry Shin. We’re all just a little stressed out.” Fredriksson tried to explain, looking a little ashamed of himself. To Shin, that was a poor excuse. There was no reason for them to be fussing over him like that.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Shin sighed, looking away from the men. Fredriksson and Joxter went silent. It gave the Snufkin a little peace of mind. He didn’t need all this attention just because he was the host of the Phoenix. A part of him still denied it, but the rational side of him took over, convincing him that what he was told was true.

Shin raised the cup to his lips, but stopped suddenly. There was a sharp feeling going through his body. It wasn’t painful or anything. It was just something that he felt suddenly. It was liking he was sensing that something was coming, getting closer. No, it was someone, not something. ‘Kyun...’ He thought, a small gracing his face. He suddenly stood up, and, ignoring the questioning looks that he got from the men in the room, stood out in the corridor. At the end, staring back at him, was Kyun. He looked tired but had overwhelming joy written all over his face. Shin could feel his smile grow a little wider. Before he could blink, Kyun had already charged towards him, dumping his knapsack as he did so. Shin braces himself as the other Snufkin wrapped his arms around him tightly. They almost fell over if it wasn’t for Shin being ready. They held each other tightly, refusing to let go for even one second. The missing part of themselves has been found. They now felt complete, taking comfort in each other’s warmth.

“Are you alright?” Shin suddenly asked, not entirely sure where else he could start.

“You idiot! I should be asking you that.” Kyun exclaimed, pulling away from Shin to look at him in the eyes. He had noticed that his boyfriend was wearing a different coat but he was too happy to even comment on it. Shin suddenly focused his eyes at something. He gently brushed a thumb at a spot on Kyun’s head. Kyun felt his heart skip a beat. That was the scar he got after Shin... “Oh! This? Don’t worry about it. I’ve had this scar for years. You’ve just never noticed it before.” A weak lie, Kyun knew that by that look Shin had on his face. A look of guilt. Kyun bit his lip a little and held Shin’s cheek. That was when Shin noticed Ken and Mumrik. Both of them looking just as weary as Kyun did.

“You’ve all made it. You’re all alright.” Shin smiled a little, glad that he could see those that Kyun trusted by his side.

“Not quite all of us.” Mumbled Mumrik. He was so quiet that Shin barely heard him. The younger looked over his shoulder, more concerned about what was behind him. Shin followed his gaze and felt like someone had just punched harshly in the gut. The Hobgoblin stood behind them, his black panther by his side. In his arms, wrapped up in several layers, including the magician’s cloak, was Snuf. He seemed disturbingly different from when Shin last saw him. His hair was stark white and his skin was deathly pale. Ice was creeping along his skin. He seemed too still for Shin’s liking. He seemed more dead than alive.

“What...what happened to-“ Shin started to ask, not quite believing what he saw.

“Shin, I need you to come with me.” The Hobgoblin suddenly declared, walking on ahead. As he took long strides, Snuf limply bounced up and down in his arms, almost like a rag doll.

“Wait! What-“ Shin tried to ask.

“Quickly now. There’s not much time left.” The Hobgoblin encouraged, continuing to walk down the dim corridor. The four glanced at each other curiously before Shin started to follow the magician. By that point, Joxter and Fredriksson had come out to see what was happening. The others had started to follow Shin, when Joxter opened his mouth to ask what was going on. Kyun only responded to this by bumping his shoulder. Either he didn’t notice or didn’t even care as he kept on walking.

“Charming.” Joxter muttered sarcastically, crossing his arms.

“You’re going to have to forgive him. He’s had a bit of a tough time.” Ken sighed, patting the man’s shoulder gently as he walked past. He continued on with Mumrik trailing behind him. He had this lost expression on his face, as if he was trying to hope for a good outcome.

“Hold on a minute. Young man can you tell us what’s going on here?” Fredriksson asked as he tried to keep up with Ken. Joxter sighed exasperatedly before following the group like a stray dog after food.

“Long story short, our friend got hit by an ice arrow curtesy of the Lady of the Cold and now he’s freezing to death.” Ken stated, speeding his pace up a little. Shin tried to ignore the people behind him. He couldn’t work out why the Hobgoblin suddenly wanted him to follow him. He suspected that he might need help with Snuf in the infirmary that was here. However, he felt like Fredriksson would be better suited to help. He stopped as soon as the Hobgoblin stood in front of a door that had a first aid symbol engraved in it. Shin opened the door for him since the magician couldn’t do it himself.

“I need the rest of you to wait outside.” The Hobgoblin suddenly said

“What? Why?” Kyun shouted, tensing up at this. He just got back with Shin, he wasn’t going to let the one person he held close out his sight again.

“Kyun, it’s alright. If you don’t trust him then trust me. I’ll be fine.” Shin reassured, his voice sounding strong. He could tell that Kyun was ready to kick off a fuss if he didn’t say something. Kyun opened his mouth to protest, but he sighed in defeat. If Shin truly trusted the people that helped to protect him, then Kyun will have to as well. Shin sighed silently in relief and stepped inside the infirmary, the Hobgoblin following behind him. The door closed quietly behind them.

“Come with us. There’s an observation room next door.” Fredriksson said, gently gesturing Kyun towards another door. The Snufkins went inside the dark room quietly, with Fredriksson and Joxter silently following behind them.

Chapter 1: Still Running (click HERE)

Chapter 2: The Burning Truth (click HERE)

Chapter 3: Secrets and Threats (click HERE)

Chapter 4: Still Fighting (click HERE)

Chapter 5: What Have You Done?! (click HERE)

Chapter 6: Not Again (click HERE)

Chapter 7: The Thunder Sword (click HERE)

Chapter 8: The Journal (click HERE)

Chapter 9: Creeping Frost (click HERE)

Chapter 11: coming soon...

#the phoenix #kyun #shin #ken #mumrik #snuf #hobgobbin #fredriksson #joxter #sorry for the wait #writer’s block is at it again

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toddykun · 6 years

Text

Complete Set of 110 Reasons To Live Special Edition With Extra But Not Enough Gay RightsTM And Extra LongTM Too Because The Three Caballeros Deserve It:

THAT MUSIC AT THE START!

Donald’s ‘Party Fowl’ waist bag

Webby’s excited rambling!

All the lady birds in that town were ridiculously pretty?? (makes sense since the giant carnivorous flower wanted to lure people to eat them so A+)

Dewey documenting his adventures with the help of his lil bro. BondingTM

“OH BOY! I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE MY PALS!”

Huey, my boy, asking the real questions

“Please, not everything has to be a dark family secret!” *Donald proceeds to say he has a dark family secret* Huey: :D Louie: >:(

DONALD’S FOND SMILE WHEN HE WAS THINKING ABOUT JOSÉ AND PANCHITO BEFORE TELLING THE BOYS HE WAS IN THE THREE CABALLEROS!!!!

‘Kids Confused At Adult Reminiscing About Their Cool Past That They Know Nothing About’ trope

DONALD’S ‘FUCKING EXCUSE ME?’ FACE WHEN SCROOGE STARTED BADMOUTHING THE THREE CABALLEROS!

college band!

They played in Scrooge’s garage, fucking with Scrooge’s sleep, something with what I agree wholeheartedly since he fucks with other ppl’s sleep with his bagpipes lmao can he get more scottish? probably

Donald canonically plays the double bass and the accordion!!! (he also plays the guitar, the piano, the flute, etc, in comics and other animated media. Musical GeniusTM)

Huey and Louie’faces when they discover their uncle plays the accordion lmao

“I was so awesome...” with such a nostalgic feeling, baby, you still are! appreciate yourself, we love you!

Donald applying sunscreen on himself? Pure.

“Agh! You’re fine as is! A family man, a boat owner!”

JOSÉ JUMPING OUT OF A PLANE AND PLAYING HIS UMBRELLA!!!

HIS!!!!UMBRELLA!!!!HIS!!!!MAGIC!!!!!HIS SMOOTH ENTRANCE!!!!

*mysterious guitar starts playing*

PANCHITO APPEARING FROM THE SHADOWS AND MAKING A DRAMATIC, ROMANTIC AND TELENOVELESQUE ENTRANCE?? HOW MUCH TIME HE NEEDED TO WAIT THERE TO DO THAT?? ADORKABLE

That little blink in Panchito’s eye lmao Anime Rival ComingTM

those little gay fireworks when josé and panchito got together!

those little ‘ajá!’s from both of them!

DONALD’S FACE AGAIN!!! HE’S SO HAPPY!!!!

“DONAL’!!!!!!!!!!”

José and Donald’s weird hopping hug? lovely

Panchito clapping while they’re at it lmao

José tossing Donald to Panchito

Three Way Handshake!

“SQUAWK, CROW, QUACK! I’VE GOT YOUR BACK!”

that little tail shake the caballeros do in their secret handshake

“SECRET HANDSHAKE! COOL!” *louie proceeds to lick his big bro’s hand whe he tries to do the handshake like the lil bro he is*

panchito’s super excited handshakes that leave people jumping

“JAJÁ, ¡SALUDOS, AMIGOS!”

“OS PATINHOS!”

José and Panchito seeing the triplets as eggs

HAPPY DONALD DUCK

Donald juggled the eggs...

that creepy but nice guacamaya in the background

..DONALD JUGGLED THE EGGS AND HE DROPPED ONE!!!

And that’s how Donald went from Cool UncleTM to Overprotective Best DadTM lmao

big bro and lil bro agreement that middle bro was the one dropped lmao

José’s smooth moves while he’s talking wiTH HIS UMBRELLA

Panchito throwing his phone and doing a hip move to put it again in the holster

“YOUR UNCLE WAS THE COOL ONE!!!!”

Donald’s blushing and his nervous smile

José and Panchito expecting that the Cool OneTM of the three caballeros is the Most Successful and ImpressiveTM of the three, like that’s how it's supposed to be lmao These BiconsTM

PANCHITO’S FACE AT THAT MOMENT!

Huey being actually helpful with Donald’s anxiety attack

Scrooge saying one of his I’m Genuinely Trying To Be Helpful In My Own Unique Way That Ends Hurting More Than HelpingTM and Donald like ‘nah, cant deal with your bullshit rn’ face

“Uncle Donald, you’re very successful! You raise three boys and are rich in love! Isn’t that the true measure of success?” U TELL THEM, HUEY

“Lie? Perfect!” nod to one of donald’s flaws that we have actually seen in other media, he can be really mischievous and conniving when he wants to, be it for a good reason or not.

Yet again, we have confirmation that ‘the smarter than the smarties’ is actually incredibly easy to manipulate with his ego and cheapness by the Duck Family but also THIS IS ACTUALLY A GOOD NOD ABOUT THE GLOMGOLD’S BET SINCE THIS TIME SCROOGE HAS AN ACTUAL REASON TO NOT LOSE ANY MONEY

Huey hugging Donald and Donald’s little thumb up? blessed

José and Panchito laughing with each other? bLeSsEd

THE WHOLE ‘SCROOGE IS OLD’ SCENE

Team UncleTM everyone, these idiots are two of the smartest ducks in the world, yes, even if u don’t believe it

José’s admiration for Donald! hello? beautiful

Webby and Huey and Portuguese? BLESSED

JOSÉ SAYING “OH, YOU HAVE TO TRY IT” VERY SOFTLY AND SMOOTH WHILE TOUCHING DONALD’S HAND

THESE TWO EXPECT SO MUCH FROM DONALD BECAUSE HE WAS THE BEST OF THE THREE IN THEIR EYES. I. AM. DYING.

DONALD REALLY WANTS TO MEET HIS EXPECTATIONS AND IMPRESS THEM

PASTELES!

*battle of whistling inconspicuously appears* “OK, WE CAN’T ALL DO THIS!”

PANCHITO AND JOSÉ ACTUALLY BLOWING THEIR COVER TO THE AUDIENCE WITH ALL THE WHISTLING LMAO

*hand battle with Team Uncle appears* “EXCUSE ME”

*donald hits huey by accident while trying to get the wallet* *Huey helps him anyways and even bites Scrooge* Well, now I know who is his favorite uncle

WEBBY EXCITED!

THE THREE CABALLEROS’S THEME PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND WHILE THEY REMINISCED THEIR BAND DAYS

EVERY TIME THEY REENACTED PART OF THE SONG’S CHOREOGRAPHY FROM THE MOVIE

THEY!!!!!MADE!!!MUSIC!!!AND!!!DANCED!!!!OUT!!!OF!!!NOWHERE!!!AND!!!STARTED!!!TO!!!BE!!!THEIR!!!OLDSELVES!!!!!AGAIN!!!!

PANCHITO CAN PLAY JOSÉ’S UMBRELLA (AND DONALD CAN TOO PROBABLY)

Panchito’s face when realized he hit Donald by accident and knowing he was going to get mad, only for José to happy him up with some dance. cuties

HIS HAT HAS BEEN AN ACCORDION ALL THIS TIME!?

“Look at how happy Uncle Donald is! You can‘t put a price on that smile!” This boy loves his uncle so much!!!

“It’s only for the weekend...” “YOU’RE GETTING THE BAND BACK TOGETHER?”

THEY HAD A WAGON!!!!!??? (or i misheard?)

Panchito twirling his phones like he would do with his guns lmao

Panchito and José’s always moving around together

Team Uncle’s Actually Fighting (and we’re reminded of the bet yet again)

“HEY, WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?”

Huey, The Voice Of ReasonTM

“NO WAY, I NEED THIS!” mischievous and egoistic Donald making a comeback, like hello old flaws, let’s see how you shine here.

The fact that they actually addressed that Donald’s bad luck sometimes really comes from his actual bad traits is freaking great.

*sings badly* “Perfect!”

The reminder that even if Donald is a little stubborn and egotistical at times, his kids come first and he will give up his dreams for them. Duty comes first for him, always.

Donald’s actually The Voice of ReasonTM and the bravest between the Three Caballeros, now we know why he is The Cool OneTM of the three

SCROOGE ACTUALLY FUCKING UP HIS BACK LIKE THE OLD MAN HE ACTUALLY IS

Donald tells the truth, not only because he has to protect his family and his friends for being eaten by a giant carnivorous plant lmao but because his friends thought he didn’t love or need them anymore because he was “rich” now. Love and Protection are his main traits and he knows his friends thinking he isn't as cool as they thought and putting down all their dreams will worth it if it means protecting them.

José and Panchito, who always look up to Donald more than anyone and know that he’s the one that actually got the guts to tell the truth, end telling the truth too because Donald shows his good traits again.

AGAIN, THESE THREE ONLY WANTED TO IMPRESS EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY ARE ONES OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN EACH OTHER’S LIFE AND PATHS AND BEING A FUCKED UP ADULT WHEN YOU WERE SURE THE COOLEST PEOPLE OF YOUR LIFE WERE COMPLETELY SUCCESSFUL IS ACTUALLY SCARY AF AND YOU WANTED THEM TO BE PROUD OF YOU AS MUCH AS YOU ARE OF THEM

Donald is the only that didn’t run or looked scared when he saw the flower, he seemed only surprised AND THEN HE SAW RED WHEN HE SAW HIS KIDS IN DANGER LIKE HELLO? DAD DUCK TO THE RESCUE!!!

These three smiles before fighting like they did in acapulco!!!

THE THREE CABALLEROS’S THEME SONG!!!! WITH THEY FIGHTING LIKE THE BADASSES THEY ARE!!!

are we really sure they were only a college band??? because they fought like....u know......like they were something more. They Could Have Done A Lot Of Things While Being A Band Too HMMMM

Donald having a good ass aim with his double bass

NO ONE CAN SIMPLY CARRY A DOUBLE BASS CUZ THAT SHIT IS HEAVY AS FUCK AND LIFT IT AND THEN USE IT AS A MACE LIKE IT IS NOTHING, BUT DONALD DID!!!! THE STRONGEST BOY!!!!

JOSÉ USING HIS UMBRELLA LIKE A SWORD!!!

“WHO SAY SO?” “WE SAY SO!”

‘Fighting Actually Cured The Old Man’s Back’ trope

DONALD’S SOLO!!!

“WE SAY ‘AY CARAMBA’!”

THEY DID THAT IN ACAPULCO TOO!!!!??? LIKE HELLO? BADASSES

The Pig Tourists clapping at them because they deserved that and more honestly

THEY BROUGHT A BURRO WITH THEM!!!

SCROOGE DESTROYING PANCHITO’S GUITAR LMAO

That “I’m so sorry” with the Old Man’s voice

The episode dealt in a subtle way with the actual ever-present fear of being an adult and the expectations from others that we have to carry, society expects everyone to be on equal ground to be a successful and settled down adult that can handle their responsibilities alone and not be a failure in the system, the fear of not being free anymore or the fear of not having the right to fuck up anymore, and the sadness and anxiety that comes when you can’t meet those expectations or can’t be the adult that you wanted to be, like woah, these guys are in their mid-thirties, scared and with minimum-wage jobs, that can’t barely handle their real lives but they still found the way to be happy around them, they just needed to be honest to those they love the most and accept life with their ups and downs. Talking About Getting RealTM AND HELLO? They only needed each other to be reminded that they are just normal adults even if they’re not successful and completely responsible and they sometimes fuck up in this uncertain life and that’s okay? and that they can actually still be fun-loving guys even if they’re adults now, like hello? great I gotta be honest when I saw the ep i didn’t like it but when i cooled down my head and saw it a second time to analyze and as An Adult In The MakingTM, It hit me hard the real fear these ppl were facing during the comedy and the lying, they loved each other and they only needed to be honest to understand that love isn’t conditioned by how successful you are. A+ ep, would watch it again.

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a-day-at-once · 6 years

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January entries #1 to #10

January 1st, it seems.

There’s something rather archaic about writing in the first page of a journal while being bathed in nothing but the light of a candle. Normally I wouldn’t mind it much, it does set a mood, but as the lone flame flickers, so does my soul, out of the impaling feeling of pure, raw, suffocating boredom.

Archaic as it might be, Benjamin Franklin’s been dead for quite some time now and the current world revolves around the connection he found between lightning and tiny electric sparks, an energy that has been temporarily taken from us.

With the storm raging outside, there’s been a general blackout in this part of town. No internet, no television, no working electronic devices, just me and the apartment I’ve been neglecting to clean for way too long. I didn’t clean anything at all, mind you, I was just moving and kicking things around to ease my access to the ceiling fan with the chair I dragged behind me and the rope that I still have around my neck.

From a higher angle, my feet on the seat of the chair, a blur through the futile tears I blinked away; that’s how I spotted you, partially hidden under layers of discarded smelly clothing, inside a plastic storage box with the last remnants of proof that I’ve actually been to college at some point in this life of mine. A shame I didn’t graduate, but also not really? Art school can set you free as much as it can castrate your spirit.

But there you were, all faux leather cover, a gift cast aside at the time, but full of stories yet untold. Unwritten, rather. Am I talking to you or are you talking to me? Am I writing with the hopes of it being read, or so that I can figure out what I’m trying to tell myself?

I only noticed the passage of the year because the neighbors from downstairs helpfully screamed the countdown with an excitement I only wished I could share. I laid my shaky hands on you with seven seconds to go and made the decision to start writing at the exact moment they yelled “zero”.

Am I just lonely, diary? Simply sad? New Year is supposed to be about new beginnings, but in the darkness of a world that moves onto 2019 without light, your pages called for an entry. For what it’s worth…

You stopped me from ending right at the beginning.

I end this entry with the desk lamp flickering awake.

- @abyssiniana

Hello Day 2.

Yesterday I didn’t think we’d meet, and now it seems so ordinary.

Went back to work today. Another thing I thought I was leaving behind. I was on shift with Susan again, and it seems like the holidays put her in a better mood. She had a lot to tell me about her boyfriend.

We had pretty heavy traffic. More than we expected. Some old man got kicked out for saying some seriously racist shit. Bless my manager. And fuck the elderly, I guess?

It was bright and cold on my way in. I walked along the canal. I watched someone try and fish their hat out with a stick for like 10 minutes (they did it!)

On the way home I got caught in the rain and got soaked.

Closing thoughts? This was sort of a shitty day, but hey, I’m still here. I changed into some dry clothes, I’ve got some music on and I’m snuggled up in a blanket.

I kept the rope. It’s in my desk drawer. Is that morbid? I think it’s to avoid denial. I’m also keeping the candles. The power’s on, but the candles are nice anyway.

See you soon, day 3.

- @mykumatt

Day three. I wish I could say I was happy to see you.

I was off of work today. Most people hang out with friends, run errands, see a show, something else on their days off.

I usually sit and home and stare at blank canvasses and wonder what happened to me. I used to be good. I used to be something.

Am I really anything, anymore?

I eat. I sleep. I work.

Am I anything more than an automaton? Am I worth more than the money accrued with every beep of a barcode on a register?

Today, I couldn't sit inside and wonder if I'd ever become anything. Today, I went to ask the canal.

Cold and grey, it didn't have much to offer me that I didn't already know. I sat on a low wall beside the canal, almost a block from work.

The canal had my attention for all of moments. The surface was glassy, dark. Nothing swam within, nor did anything float on the surface.

I watched people instead.

One woman needed to get to the bank before it closed, I decided. She walked with purpose, long strides taking her quickly from my sight. A young man peered into the windows of a record store with his headphones on as he swayed to the beat. He was still home from college, looking for a last-minute gift for a roommate or a friend. An elderly couple toddled into a diner, the man holding his arm out for the woman, even though they both carried a cane. They've been married fifty years, kids long moved away. They eat breakfast together every morning.

Making up the story of someone else's life made mine seem more interesting. Sometimes, I wonder what people think when they see me on the streets. Am I still a student, in their eyes? Do I live with my parents? Do I have a family of my own? What if I'm a business owner, a chef, a politician, a poet?

Do they know that I'm nothing at all? When I looked back across the canal, I saw a man in nearly my mirrored position. He wore a black leather jacket and no hat or gloves. In one hand, he held a cigarette. In the other, a small, black book, much like you, dear diary.

He is a musician, I decided. His hands were lithe and his fingers slim, perfect for the piano or the guitar. In that notebook, he carried symphonies. He carried the next greatest rock album. He carried next week's one hit wonder.

Who knows?

Maybe he isn't anything. Just like me.

- hawkwarrd

Day Four. Damn.

I didn’t really realize how boring my life has become until I started to do this. What do I even say? It wasn’t a bad day? I went to work, it was Friday, so it was busier than usual, but nothing truly awful.

Oh, and Susan told me today that the new person was hired yesterday while I was off. They start tomorrow, so that’s something exciting? Hopefully, we don’t get another Sean.

My Friday night was closing, and take out food at home. No plans with friends. No notifications on my phone. A single online order for falafel, and a cold dark walk back down the canal passing the glittering lights of restaurants and bars full of laughter and friends and dates.

I would feel ashamed to reach out to anyone at this point. I was the one that pushed them away, what right did I have to see my friends again, and pretend nothing is wrong? They didn’t do anything wrong, I ignored texts, I couldn’t go out places, I never reached out. The thing that was wrong was me.

Maybe I should get a cat.

Candles and canvases and white pages don’t talk back.

Neither do cats, but maybe I could actually feel like someone useful again. It’s a new year and just because the year feels impossibly long and lonely and scary—

Fuck. Fuck I hate that. While I want to get better, am I really committed enough to 2019? To taking care of something that long? I don’t even have a real plant in my apartment.

...Maybe a senior cat.

- @kearatheshadow

Day 5.

I can't believe I actually managed to write here for five days in a row. Maybe I need to take it all out in writing, or maybe I just hope you'll be found one day, long after I'm gone, and that someone better than me will find you somehow interesting. I know I don't. I'm your writer after all, right?

I worked half day today. I didn't think I'd go to work, but I guess I needed an excuse to get up early. Last night I had some thoughts, some regrets. I thought about what I tried to do, and how I could feel that rope screaming at me from the drawer. Calling me a coward. Telling me that if I can't use it, I should at least do something with myself. Anything.

So I had to get out, you know? I couldn't hear it anymore.

Before work, I went to sit by the canal again with some coffee. I kinda like it.

It wasn't that bad today. Not too many customers. Most of the workers weren't in, so I had some peace and quiet. As much as most of them are pretty okay, I hate all of those rumors and gossips that always spread around. You can't say anything without everyone knowing about it 5 minutes later (especially Susan. She's nice but she's the most talkative person I've ever met. It's exhausting sometimes). That's why I don't talk much. Though to be fair, I don't talk much in general. The new guy was in today. He looked like he was nervous and shy, and mainly kept himself close to Greg, who was shift manager today. The poor guy had to hide his shaking hands behind him when he handled customers. Must be his first job, at least in this kind of job. But after some time, Greg told me to spend some time with him.

His name is Leo. And he's the most gentle person I've ever met. We didn't talk much, but I saw it right away. He saw me scribble on a random piece of paper and he really liked it. So I gave it to him, and he put it in his wallet.

I dunno why, but after I went back home, I wasn't so tired like I always am.

I didn't touch my sketchbook since dropping out of school. It's dusty, but somehow well kept.

Maybe I'll draw something later.

- @somegoodsheith

I decided today would be a mental health day. Called Sylvia and the sweet old lady took my shift from me. I knew no matter what she would and take it because she’s so giving with everyone in the store. I feel like I manipulated her into taking it but goes to show I’m an awful person. Not like we didn’t know that already. Okay shit. We’re not doing this today. I’m treating myself well today, only good thoughts for now.

I took the bus into the city. I figured it was best not to lie in bed all day. I got onto the subway and yeah I sat there for a long time. Like a really long time. I tried to sketch a couple of people with the notepad I brought with me, but my mind was wandering too much so I threw it back into my bag. I rode the entire line to the original stop I started at.

I enjoyed it though. That feeling of just being. A city goer. Maybe someone who works nine to five. Someone who just. Lives their life without their minds chained to an abyss that’s barely trying to break free. They maybe worry about things like, paying bills on time and making it to their kids recital.

Just a regular cyclical life that doesn’t revolve around whether their brains decide to work or not.

I made it to an animal shelter and then got dinner and then went home. Kinda uneventful. I’m still thinking about a cat maybe. I don’t know. None of them particularly attracted me. Well I mean I did try and play with every single one of them. Just none that I felt I should take home. Because I don’t know maybe I don’t deserve it. I was surprised they had birds and turtles and fish there. Not as common as cat, dogs and rodents. But I don’t know my eyes were caught by this turquoise conure. She was very calm and interested in me and her eyes just had life as soon as walked in the room.

Birds are so beautiful and I love them so much. Just hard to keep. I would have to quit my job to even have time for a parrot. And I already spend so much time at home. I just couldn’t. I’m gonna keep looking around for cats though. I have the time and space and money.

I just. Need to stay alive somehow. Maybe a cat could do that. Just gotta find the one y’know

I think I might look at volunteering at the shelter some day. I don’t think that parrot is going anywhere anytime soon and I’d love to play with her and that way it would be easier for me to find a cat. Who knows.

- @technicolorfire

Day 7 I’m feeling a bit better today. That mental health day truly helped out a lot! I’m thinking about treating Sylvia for lunch or something. I got to thank her somehow, but I’m still not 100% sure what to do. If I don’t do something, I’m going to feel the guilt anytime I look at her. Oh boy. At work today, Leo came up to me, nervously twiddling his thumbs. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper and pushed it into my hands before walking away. I opened it up and it was a drawing of me. Everything, from the hair to my eyes, was perfect. On the bottom it read, “You know, I used to draw back during my high school days. Your drawing really motivated me to try up that hobby again. I hope you and me can be friends. You might even be able to teach me something.” I don’t know what to say. I know dozens of people whose drawings are better than mine, so why is Leo paying any attention to mine? Whatever, I’ll take it. I’ll probably talk to him tomorrow, if he’s willing that is. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I did get a cat. A pure black female American Shorthair. I named her Ember, due to her fiery eyes. She’s a quiet one, mostly keeping to herself. Right now, she’s laying down on my bed, softly purring. I need to go to the pet store and buy her something before she rips the entire house apart. At least Ember lightens up the atmosphere. On my way out of the shelter, I grabbed a volunteer forum from one of the employees. In fact, it’s sitting next to Ember right now. At least now I can hope to make someone’s day better. New year, new me after all.

Well, until we meet again, diary.

-Tingle

Do cats wear collars?

I ended up going to the mall before my shift to buy pet supplies and the thought entered my mind when I saw the aisle of shiny, multi-coloured pet collars in the store. The images of cats on the labels, ecstatic to receive the gift of Collar from Human, repeated across an entire wall of ApexCorp® Anti-Tick and Flea Cat Collars™ Dermatologist Approved.

Do cats have dermatologists.

I have never seen a cat wear a collar in my life. Not even on TV. Or maybe I have seen one before, on a cat food commercial? Who pays attention to those things anyway?

Do cats wear collars? The question, it haunts me.

I did not buy Ember a collar.

I stuffed the pet supplies onto my car's backseat (a secondhand Toyota Corolla my parents bought me for my 18th birthday - old but still trusty) — a litter box, two food bowls, a large pack of cat food to last at least a month or so, and a squeaky mouse toy. Not a collar in sight.

I returned to the mall, deciding to grab a bite to eat before I went to work in a few hours. My shift today was supposed to be from 8 AM to 4 PM, but Sylvia (1-9 PM) asked us to switch since she had some errands later in the evening. Sure, fair enough. She did take my shift the other day, might as well return the favour. Not like I have much better to do in the evening.

I already spent most of my spare money on Ember's things, but a sandwich and maybe a milk tea won't hurt my wallet too bad. And it'll probably taste better than all the cup noodles and rice-plus-canned-something that had comprised my diet for the past several months. I deserve to treat myself every once in a while.

Right?

I strolled across the mall; when was the last time I actually went here? I didn't recognize most of the stalls anymore, and had forgotten where I used to eat all the time.

No point in thinking too deeply about it, I suppose. Thinking doesn't do me much good. I stopped by a café that only had three other customers and ordered a "House's Special" panini and, at the cashier's suggestion, an "Okinawa milk tea with tapioca, rock salt and cheese."

I have no idea what either of these are.

From across the café where I sat was International Bookstore. Oh, International Bookstore, with your overpriced erasers and purple pens that never seem to be in stock. The glass display presented a vast array of hardcover novels, alcohol markers and oil pastels, a medium I was never good at.

I stared at the art supplies, sipping my tea plaintively. I haven't made a serious artwork ever since I left school, my once diverse portfolio reduced to crude doodles at the back of receipts.

My impressive receipt collection was set to grow yet again as I scribbled behind the café bill with the half-empty pen I write grocery lists with.

I started with some abstract scribbles, trying to get a feel for the pen. The once black ink was nothing more than a faded gray now. I sketched out my lunch absent-mindedly, taking more time looking at the bread's dotted texture than my own work (Ah, food, the art student's favourite subject).

I continued eating (GOD this is good milk tea, thanks cashier person), stopping every few bites to draw again, the progression of my food as it was being consumed laid out on the paper until all that was left to draw were bread crumbs and an empty cup.

This could be symbolic for something, but I'm not really sure.

- cordaello

I can’t believe it took me a full day to understand Leo’s joke when I asked him if he was planning to grow a beard. “Maybe. Who knows? I used to not like facial hair but it grew on me.” I just… thought he didn’t have a razor.

By the way, I forgot to write about my conversation with Leo yesterday (the first thing I thought of doing was sticking that receipt doodle on my diary and my mind threw any other detail that happened that day out of the window).

I’ll just quickly skim over what happened yesterday. He’s a quiet, shy guy who avoids talking to people if it’s unnecessary. He’d rather watch and observe. Didn’t get to chat with him until our break time since I didn’t really want to disturb him while we were working. Sheepishly, I started small talk between the two of us which somehow sidetracked into a long discussion about BBC’s hit detective rom-com show, Sureluck played by the loveable Bandersnatch Cucumber. There was something about the uncovering mysteries that fascinated both of us. Maybe it was the idea that there’s something more to the things that happen around us, a hidden explanation. That or it was just wishful thinking; we wanted to belong to a scheme bigger than all of us, to be worth more than what we think we are.

Or maybe it’s Bandersnatch’s sexy cheekbones. Maybe…

Honestly, Leo’s such a precious kid. He’s still pretty young, just turned 18 and recently moved from Michigan to this place where nothing extraordinary happens (unless you count the disc of lights that disappear after a few seconds above Dale University). He rents a small apartment a few blocks from the store.

I thought it’d be nice to show him around; after all, he’s new here. So after today’s shift I asked if he wanted to go to Ravensons Mall and grab something to eat, maybe sit on one of the benches at the nearby park for cats.

Do cats have parks. “Um, sure, I’d love to go,” he answered with a small smile. “It’s not like there are people waiting for me to get home.”

Beneath that smile I could hear a tinge of melancholy in his voice and I felt a little bad for him. This kid was me a couple of years ago. This kid is me now, scared and reluctant in this jungle of people bustling around minding their own businesses, and I alone.

Alone.

Maybe Leo didn’t have to feel the same way. Maybe I could be a friend to him. Maybe…

After the shift we got into my car and drove to Ravensons. WcDonalds was packed with people and Leo seemed agitated at the overwhelming business of the fast food chain so I ordered us each a burger and a cup of soda to go, and left the busy place.

Leo seemed to calm down when we got to the park. We watched as people walk by. We watched families that had small picnics on the grass under the shade of the big trees — the only trees you’d see in this place.

There were no signs of cats whatsoever.

Leo told me about Michigan and how he and his friends would have long road trips in and out of the state in his friend Brad’s pickup truck. There was something peaceful about driving across miles and miles of land, especially at night, and being alone in the middle of nowhere.

Maybe we should go out on a road trip someday. -realcakkuu

#10

Ember woke me up a little before my alarm went off. I suspect I will eventually transcend the need of setting up the alarm at all; for a cat without one of her front paws, she sure pounces hella hard on my stomach at six twenty in the morning exactly. I can’t decide if I prefer waking up to her demand of food or Gary Moore’s guitar solo.

The cat decided for me.

I fed her. She likes the extravagant salmon food I can barely afford, because of course she does; for an animal who was rescued from the streets, she sure was picky with her Purina Fancy Feast. After the bowl was empty she staggered towards me to rub herself on my leg in what I can guess is appreciation.

I very damn well hope it is appreciation.

Do cats have that sort of feelings towards inferior beings such as humans?

I petted her, though. Cute.

I made a good pot of coffee for myself, but then opened my fridge to realize I hadn’t bought milk in weeks. I burned my toast but ate it anyway; anything goes down my mouth with enough peanut butter. I may or may not have forgotten to pay the water bill, but I’m fairly certain I did (one day past the limit, is a fact). I think they just cut the hot water because they’re complete sadistic unforgiving assholes. I showered anyway. I masturbated. I couldn’t even tell how long it had been since I last did it but I can’t say it felt... particularly good. Mostly made me feel fourteen again, self-discovering without the concern of being caught by my brother in the upper bunk bed.

I uh. Shouldn’t have done that.

In the momentary bliss I forgot time was a constant moving variable and clocked in eleven minutes late at work. My boss hates me. The clients hate me because god forbid they have to form a line in the parking ten minutes before opening time.

Today was the day I decided I absolutely despise Thursdays.

I realize this every week. I do. But I hated today specially because Thursday is Leo’s day off. I don’t know what I was expecting, the kid deserves his days off as much as me or anyone else does. He didn’t miss out on anything too critical except the ridiculous amount of clients that seemed to be waiting for the final twenty minutes of my shift to grab every item from the nearest shelves and throw them on the absolute opposite end of the slooowwwlyyyy rooooolliiiiiinnnngggg conveyor belt, as if I have all the time in the world, and they THINK I want to argue about the promotion we had last week but don’t have this week but they WANT it this week too, but I have to explain that promotions are like every single fucking thing in life, fucking TEMPORARY, WOMAN, GET A MOVE ON AND PAY FULL PRICE FOR A BLOODY CAN OF SAUSAGES.

Ah, Thursdays are inventory day. I didn’t leave the goddamned supermarket before midnight, and I’m honestly cheating you, dear diary, because it’s the eleventh already and I only just managed to sit down and rage write today’s events.

Ah but… before going to bed, I should add something.

I found something in my locker when I went to pick up my jacket. I didn’t notice it upon arriving in the morning, nor when I went to grab some money for lunch, but this was right on the door, at the level of my eyes, a post it note with a little message. Was it put there yesterday night? Sometime during the day?

- @abyssiniana

#ADAO #entries #1 to 10 #january #2019 #writing #creative writing #collab #mass collaboration #art #doodle

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aboysbestfriendishismum · 6 years

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Chapter 50 - Xanadu, Donna Summer and Dave Gahan in leather pants (Part Three)

In the previous chapter: Eddie is fascinated by Angie at the club, he dances with her and almost kisses her, but he's interrupted by Mike Starr, who wants to dance with the girl. Jerry gets mad at the bassist for taking liberties with Angie, their bandmates try to calm him down and Starr tells him he's not into her and only does it to tease him a little. Jerry then has a clarifying talk with Eddie, who admits his interest towards Angie, and the two of them agree to go for a sort of truce and avoid talking about her at all. The guys who lost the bet perform as the Village People and the crowd loves it. The morning after, Angie and Eddie are together on the beach, talking and joking, Eddie finds out Angie's friend will arrive in the afternoon and he's a little sad about it because he'd want some more time alone with her. They meet Mitch, alias Michelle, Eddie's old friend and Beth's neighbor, and Angie's almost intimidated by her beauty. Mitch asks him if he wants to surf some more with her but Vedder prefers to stay with Angie.

“Ok, I'm going then”

“Yes, Eddie... for the third time, you can go, don't worry. I promise you we won't burn your house down” Angie's sitting beside me on the sofa and rolls her eyes before turning to look at the guy who's standing on the doorway.

“Haha no, it's not for that. It's just... well, I'm sorry I have to leave you two alone...” it's nice of him to include me too, although at least two thirds of this room know exactly who he's more sorry for.

“No problem, Angie and I haven't seen each other since Christmas, we've got a lot of things to tell each other. It's gonna take me a minute but as you know our friend here needs a little encouragement, so we'll probably go pretty late until the evening” I already know I'll have to torture this bitch to have her tell me something. After I saw her at Christmas, and considering our phone calls since then, I was expecting to see the usual grieving and inconsolable Angie I'd have to cheer up. Yet I see she cheered herself up with no one's help this time. Well, no one...

“Right, you probably want to have some alone time too. Well, gotta go now” yes Eddie, thank you really, you're sweet, but I need to be alone with my best friend to talk and gossip about everyone and everything. And about you as well.

“Just go do your soundcheck, Eddie, we'll be alright” Angie repeats as she's covering the chocolate cake she baked with a napkin, well, what's left of it after our attack. Is she already putting it away?

“I already called Craig anyway”

“You trust us so much!”

“He'll come by at eight to pick you up. Or to lead you to Winter's, it depends if you wanna take Dina's car or not”

“Yes, please, let's take my car, so I can go back to L.A. right after”

“But only if you feel like driving, if you don't I told you, you can crash here at my place, it's ok”

“Thank you, Eddie, I'll see how the night goes. If I'm tired I'll gladly accept your invitation” I hope I won't have to accept it, I love Eddie's hospitality, but I've got the feeling I'd be a bit in the way”

“My friends are throwing some kind of party on the beach after the show, I think you'll take my offer”

“You didn't tell me” Angie remarks clearly surprised.

“Oh. Well, surprise!” Eddie briefly sets foot back in the living room, holding out his arms and showing a wide smile.

“It's not as surprise anymore” she scowls.

“When Craig and the guys are involved, everything's a surprise. Alright, gotta go now”

“Eddie, go away” Angie jokes throwing a pillow at him.

“See you later at the club”

“See ya. And thank you for the tour. And for cotton candy!” fuck it was good.

“You're welcome. It's a must after rollercoaster rides. See you tonight girls”

As soon as Eddie leaves and closes the door behind himself, Angie stands up and unfortunately takes away the dish with the cake.

“I'm exhausted, I guess I'll take a nap until tonight” my friend stretches her arms as she walks back to the couch and then just plops down yawning. I don't think so.

“You didn't tell me you've got a new puppy”

“A puppy?” she looks at me suspiciously.

“Yeah”

“What do you mean, I don't have dogs in Seattle” she really doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about, it's almost like I can see the wheels spinning in her head trying to figure out where I'm getting at.

“I don't mean dogs, it's another animal species...”

“Huh?”

“This one wags its tail too, and fawns on you of course, but it's a different kind of beast...”

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“Come on, the one waking on two legs... who obey his princess' commands, all doe-eyed, and holds your hand on the scary rides at the carnival”

“You're not normal” she shakes her head not looking at me.

“I'm talking about the pup who's just left through that door”

“Yeah, at this point I got it, thank you”

“How come you didn't tell me?”

“Sure I told you! I also invited you over here to see his show”

“You told me it was a friend, not a... friend”

“I don't get it”

“You didn't tell me it was your friend” this time I add some eyebrows wiggle.

“I still don't get it”

“A friend” I repeat blatantly winking.

“Sure he's a friend, so what? I don't understand”

“Fuck you Angie, you understand me so well: FRIEND!” I insist air quoting myself.

“He's a friend, without those... things!” she mimics my air quoting.

“Why? Don't you like him? He's not a bad specimen at all”

“Would you stop talking about Eddie as if he was a piece of cattle?” she scolds me, surely I cut her to the quick.

“Sorry. A nice young colt?”

“Dina!”

“Ok, whatever. Why don't you him?”

“I didn't say that”

“You do like him then!”

“I didn't say that either”

“Yeah, sure, like I needed you to say anything at all. I already know”

“Great, you know everything already, so let's talk about something else” Angie crosses her legs on the couch and frowns, a clear signal for me to let go.

“Right. Let's talk about Sean: did the Merman send pictures to you too?”

“You mean the ones with the seaweed jacket or those where he imitates the faces of mantas before throwing them back into the water?” the frown turns into her usual grin.

“Don't tell me he didn't send you the ones with him wearing a bikini?!”

“Sure he did, I only decided to remove them permanently from my memory. Thank you for reminding me”

“That jerk is having the time of his life. In spite of us”

“He has to balance and compensate for the other jerk, who's now become a serious person” Angie laughs as she mentions the astounding transformation of Richard the misfit.

“He didn't even get drunk at Christmas, almost scary”

“He didn't even go around throwing stones at people's decorations”

“He didn't even go to the shopping center to tell children queuing up to meet Santa that he was an imposter”

“Eeeeeh love changed him” she puts her hand on her heart and blinks dreamily, thinking she's funny. As if she hadn't batted those Maybelline lashes at Eddie the exact same way until five minutes ago.

“Why are you still the same then?”

“You're still the same pain in the ass too, still single?”

“Yeah but it's a choice. I mean, I've just started college, I want to look around first. Especially now that I have more options” I had one girlfriend in eighteen years, well, one and a half, I've got to make up for wasted time, ok?

“The analogy with cattle market goes on”

“Hey, it's true! You can't compare Boise's with Los Angeles' population, it's the law of large numbers. And then, you know, girls, but also guys... I mean, students are all far away from home, in a larger more open minded context, they're more open to cultural stimulus and less inhibited by provincialism and its prejudices” in Boise it's easier to find a hit man rather than a lesbian, not because there are no lesbians, but because they're well hidden.

“Do you mean gay people come out more easily?”

“And bisexual. And also just curious people. And who am I to deny help in satisfying someone's curiosity?”

“No special girl though”

“I'm not in a hurry, my dear. But you seem to be on the right track”

“Ok, let's see what's on tv”

“We're up in fifteen minutes, where the fuck were you?” a guy with long brown hair partially tied up in a small pony tail on top of his head walks up to us with a threatening attitude as soon as we get backstage.

“Thank you for your warm welcome, Stone. This is my friend Dina. Dee, this is Stone Gossard, he plays guitar and, yes, that's his real name” Angie literally jumps between me and the guy with the guitar.

“Nice to meet you. Anyway it's not our fault, those guys didn't want to let us in” I point at the security guys.

“Weren't you with them? I'm gonna tell them off. I warned them!” the knight in a shiny armor called Eddie addresses his friend who led us here, then storms away to tell something to the security people.

“Oh well, we're here now, who cares!” I try to defuse tension, which seems to be palpable given the faces of the other musicians and I don't know if it's actually because we're late, because of the emotions for the imminent show or because the apparent leader of the band is angry.

“I stopped at the to talk to Diego for a minute and told the girls to go, I didn't think they'd be rebuffed” Craig justifies himself with no one really, not with Eddie who disappeared somewhere.

“Come on, nothing bad happened. And sorry for the rough welcome, I'm Jeff” a big guy with gentle eyes and a weird hat holds out his hand for me to shake it and remembering the conversations with Angie I recognize him as Eddie's roommate in Seattle. One by one the other band members and roadies and the singer of Alice in Chains introduce themselves, I immediately recognize Layne 'cause I saw him in a couple of videos.

“Anyway Angie and her beautiful friend are to blame too, they held me hostage at Eddie's place giving me cake. I couldn't say no to these sweet ladies” Craig goes on and puts a suspicious arm around my shoulders.

“And where's this cake? You didn't even bring us one slice?” Mike, the guitarist, whines “I bet it was a chocolate cake”

“Actually, it was” I admit basically breaking his heart.

“I guess everybody ate my cake, huh?” Eddie appears behind our back, exactly behind Angie's ear, with a beer in his hand.

“There's still half of it, don't worry” she reassures him patting his back and he offers her a second bottle of beer from out of nowhere.

“Are you sure they won't throw us out of the club if they catch us drinking?” I don't wanna be the party pooper, I just wanna be sure about the situation to stay away from trouble.

“Nah, they don't really card you here, anyway it's safer not to drink in the club, here in the backstage it's ok.” Craig reassures me and he still hasn't loosen his grip, actually he's holding tighter “And you're with me, you're safe”

“I'm gay” I learned it's better to nip things like this squarely in the bud. Also, when I say it our little group gets casually silent, even music stops in those two seconds. Well, that's better, I won't have to repeat.

“Ok. Can you be gay and drink with me at the same time?” Craig plays dumb but it's evident he's a little disappointed, even though he's being zen about it.

“Haha sure, no gay laws against that”

“Great, let's go, darling!” Craig pushes me into a hallway and everybody tags along. I spot a small group of three, four people chatting in front of a door. One of them is a very tall girl with glasses and long blonde dreadlocks. For a moment I feel like Angie feels 90% of the time. She's with three guys, a blonde and two dark haired ones.

“Hey Jerry, Stone'd kill for that vest, where did you get it?” Angie makes a joke about blondie's outfit. Apart from the multicolor vest, he's wearing red long johns and white shorts with skull print. And I thought I was daring too much matching a plaid skirt and a Little Mermaid's t-shirt. Anyway, clothes are not the things that catch my attention the most. It's the guy's name that sets off an alarm in my head: Jerry?

“I'm right here anyway” Stone complains giving Angie an apparently angry, but actually amused look. He is that Jerry.

“Sean knitted it for me! What? Don't you believe me? Now you look at him and see this bad, ugly, extremely gross drummer, but he's a champ at crochet” the asshole answers as he points at one of his friends.

“Hey! That's not true! I'm not bad!” the guy wipes invisible tears off his eyes.

“Great, you made him cry, are you happy now?” Angie jokingly scolds Jerry and I'm more and more dumbfounded. His friend is crying as a joke, but Jerry hurt you for real, how can you be so nonchalant?

After a small show of Angie and the blond amazon giving paper napkins to Sean, another round of meeting and introducing starts and I can't help clenching my teeth when it's Jerry's turn. He hands me a beer then opens the bottle with an opener attached to his key ring. I coldly thank him. He must have imagined I know everything.

“Why do you even talk to him?” I ask Angie when we're alone, trying to get the best front row places. She's not very happy, she'd rather be not so close to the stage, but I convinced her with the pretext of taking better pictures.

“Who?”

“Jerry! How can you talk to him? How can everybody? After he was a jerk to you” we're right in front of the stage, that's basically as tall as Angie.

“Well, it's very easy for everybody else: they don't know” she shrugs. That's so Angie, both shoulders shrugging and secrets.

“What do you mean they don't know?”

“We kept it low profile”

“Nodoby knows you broke up? Or nobody knows you were together at all?”

“Both. Except for Eddie and Mike” she reveals turning her back to the stage as soon as the music in the background gets louder, so that we can face each other and communicate more easily.

“And why didn't Eddie punch him in the face? Or did he?” he can't be on tour with him without a nice fistfight.

“No, he didn't”

“Surely because you told him not to, that'd be the only reason”

“I didn't... oh well, now that I think about it, technically yes” Angie stops in the middle of her thoughts and I was right as usual.

“I knew that”

“Anyway it's easy for me too, it's in the past now. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm not mad at him anymore, but...”

“But you've got the new stallion now, so who gives a fuck, right?” if this is the reason I can only agree, good for you, sis! Even though I can't stand Jerry getting away with this.

“You're such a dork” she states without looking at me, observing the people slowly piling up under the stage around us.

“You are the dork and I don't need to explain why, do I?” I'm serious now and not because I got mad or something. I've known this dork since we were children and I can't just let go without trying everything to have her open her eyes, every fucking time.

“I don't... I don't want to delude myself” she admits not so easily as she seems extremely concentrated on the club's floor.

“Since I've arrived I've seen no trace of illusions, only very tangible signals. Whale-sized signals, Angie”

“Sometimes illusions are so strong they seem real”

“But it's worth running the risk sometimes, I can assure you”

“He's got an ex girlfriend” she says after a while, right when I think I had the last word.

“So what? Is she stalking him? Did she threaten to kill you?”

“No no. It's just... I think he's getting closer to me because he misses her. I don't know her, she could as well be here now” she looks around as if she was actually looking for this mysterious ex, the perfect bugbear for Angie not to admit and deal with her true insecurities.

“Sure, he misses her so much he didn't even mention her today”

“It doesn't mean anything, he's very private, he doesn't talk about his shit all the time”

“Listen, I don't know anything about this girl or how did they break up and why. And I don't even know shit about him, apart from the couple of things you've told me these last months. But there's one thing I know and it's that the guy who's on stage right now, trying to untangle that guitar cable can't take his eyes off you” Angie suddenly turns around to look at the stage and little Eddie, who's been lovingly staring at her the whole time, feels caught red-handed and looks down first, then back up at her with a guilty smile.

“Eddie's too-” she shakes her head almost imperceptibly as she waves at him.

“Angie, shut up”

“But-”

“If you don't want to get me angry, don't finish the sentence”

“How do you know how it ends?” she asks with a sad smile.

“I know, I know you”

“If you know me, you'll understand me”

“I understand you but since I know you, I know that if you came here to California it's not just to meet me or see your friends play as you can easily do in Seattle too. I know and you know”

“You're right” she folds her arms against her chest and takes a deep breath before speaking.

“And if you came this fare, if you took this step you'd never take, it means you secretely believe it's worth it”

“I missed him” she whispers. Actually she must have spoken at a normal volume but it was barely audible with the loud music in the club.

“What? I can't hear you?” of course I play dumb.

“I missed Eddie, I wanted to see him, to be with him... for a while”

“You're in too deep, darling!” I snicker victoriously.

“Do you think I don't know? I'm so stupid” Angie steals another glance of Eddie, busy with some roadies around an amp, then just walks away.

“Hey, where are you going now?” I huff and follow her. Why does she always have to make things difficult?

“We can't stay here, there'll be hell here, I can't take pictures if people kicks my camera crowd surfing”

The concert is great. I mean, the concerts, Alice in Chains are so good and it's hard to admit it, but Jerry's a fucking guitar god. Pearl Jam, that's their name now, are a surprise. I'm not saying I was expecting them to suck, after all if they've been called to open for a band who got signed by a major they had to be good, but I didn't think they were that good. Angie told me they'd been playing together for a short time and Eddie had recently replaced the old singer and was still shy. Shy my ass. Maybe it's because he was playing in a familiar place in front of a crowd that was half his friends, but I saw a cool aggressive singer, who also joked with the audience and confidently owned the micro-stage. After the end of the show we spend half an hour more at the club, then we go out and we all start splitting and going on different cars and exchanging info about where the party's taking place. I thought about something round here but if I didn't get it wrong I heard them mentioning Dana Point, that's basically half way between here and Los Angeles. That's great because Eddie volunteers for driving my car taking me and Angie and this means one hour driving less for me. And it also means one hour more for the love birds to be together in a small space and for Angie I'm willing to sacrifice myself and be their third wheel. Anyway, since my friend is a dumbass she's got the smart idea to ask Michelle to come with us. I'm sorry for Eddie but the face he makes when Angie gets into the backseat with me is priceless. I try and save the situation telling I feel I can drive but Eddie's too kind and too polite to let me. Angie vs. Logic: 1-0. My friend basically ghosts out on us during the ride, despite Eddie's attempts at including her in the conversation. She just makes some remarks here and there and remains silent for the rest of the drive, while Mitch and the guy talk about surfing, about an alleged crisis of vert as opposed to street skateboarding and the width of a certain model of bass guitar.

Eddie parks the car, like anybody else, next to the railway and as soon as we get out of the car he's already arm in arm with Angie, just not to waste any more time.

“So? Do you like it?” he asks pointing at the landscape as we walk along the bridge over the railway that leads to the beach.

“Yes, it looks so peaceful” my friend replies and it means she maybe got her voice back.

��It's quiet during the day too, Doheny is never too busy,” Michelle adds “but it's one of the best beaches to me”

“This is where I surfed for the first time” Eddie reveals and Angie finally looks at him in the eyes.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I was eleven, I used to came here to spend the weekend with my friend Christopher, who's Jamie's cousin actually” he explains, referring to one of the many friends of his I met tonight.

“Who set up the party” the girl points out.

“I rode my first waves with a twelve dollar board. It was a fucking coffin, full of craters. It was like surfing on a fuckin' log!”

“I assume surf technology took giant steps forward since then” Angie jokes as we get to the end of the bridge and enter some kind of small park with palm trees and picnic tables on one side, under the light of a long line of torches. Here are the others, who already started the party and were waiting for us.

“Hehe yeah, and I can afford something more decent to surf on. Anyway, I don't care, I'll never forget riding those first four waves on the log” Eddie's in a nostalgic mood and I, and I bet Angie too, can see waves rolling in his eyes.

“One of those waves in particular left a mark on you!” Michelle exclaimes, walking up to Eddie and jokingly lifting up his sweatshirt, pointing at something on his chest or belly, I can't really see anything in the dark. Angie lets go of the singer with the pretext of questioning the girl.

“Why? What did he do?” she asks with a little too much emphasis.

“Do you remember not so long ago, when I told you about surfboard leashes?” Eddie chimes in as he wants to explain himself, as we get to Stone's table.

“Yes”

“Well, those in 1975 were so stretchy that the board would fly back at you at supersonic speed”

“Breaking your face” Mitch adds showing a small red dot under her chin.

“Or planting against your sternum, like in my case” Eddie takes off his hoodie, shirt and t-shirt in a single move and stands right under one of the torches, pointing at a small scar we finally can see. Luckily Angie's already sitting because given the expression briefly appearing on her face, I think she'd have fallen face first into the sand without support.

“What are you talking about?” Jerry asks and honestly he could as well mind his own business.

“Battle scars” the blond surfer girl explains, as she helps herself with chips and beer.

“If we start listing all the bones Eddie and I broke, we'll end by dawn maybe” Craig makes room for me to sit beside him. He's clearly trying to be gentler than before not to give the impression he was kind only when he thought he could hit on me. There's nothing wrong with that, at least it's nice to find some sensitivity and empathy in people for once, it's just I've been observing this kind of behaviour all my life and I can't help but smile to myself when I notice.

“What about you Angie? Were you a daredevil child too?” Michell wakes her up from her daydreaming.

“Me? Uhm actually no, not at all”

“No?”

“The first and last time I set my foot on a skateboard I broke my coccyx, so my career in that sense was really short”

“Ouch! That must hurt!” Jeff grits his teeth and insinctively puts a hand agains his butt.

“This is new, you never told us. Why?” Stone is the most surprised of them all.

“Anyway show us the scar or it didn't happen, right?” Craig turns to look at Eddie, who turns to his friend like he wanted to jump at his throat any minute now.

“I was there and I can say it's true” I save both Angie from embarrassment and Craig from death.

“You were there because you were the one who put me on that fucking skateboard”

“We could be Toni Hawk and Rodney Mullen in a dress!” I complain as I help myself a big serving of popcorn and throw a couple at my friend.

“I've never worn a dress in my whole life”

“I don't think so” it's Angie's categorical answer when someone has the crazy idea to suggest jumping in the ocean in the middle of the night. I'd have been surprised if she accepted.

“Ok. Who stays on the beach cleans everything up!” Jamie yells as he takes off his pants and throws himself towards the water, followed by the whole gang, me included. Someone else is missing though, not just my friend. After I froze my butt in the icy water, I swim back to the shore and walk up to the beach, where Michell hands me a towel. I wrap myself up with it like a burrito, she slowly dabs herself with another towel.

“Have you seen Eddie?” I ask her because I left him my clothes and bag and I can't see them where I left them.

“He went on the rocks with his girlfriend, down there.” she says with a wink, then points at a series of rocks not far from here “I'd wait a minute before disturbing them”

With his girlfriend? Is she here? Who the hell is she? Was she among us all this time? Or has she just arrived? And how did Angie take it? And where is she now? The answer to my questions comes after I take a few jumps towards the spot indicated by Mitch. There he is, Eddie, sitting on a rock and watching the stars with his girlfriend: Angie. Who else? If Michelle considers her as Eddie's girlfriend, it counts for their friends too. After all it's quite obvious, it took me ten minutes to figure it out.

They're very cute together but I'm fuckin' freezing and I want my stuff back, I need to put some clothes on asap if I don't want to die. I walk up to them cautiously, from behind, and I end up eavesdropping what they say. But I swear I didn't want to! Anyway, their conversation speaks for itself.

“You could go too anyway”

“Nah, I don't really feel like...”

“Bullshit, you just don't want to leave me alone”

“No, I just don't want to get sick in the middle of a tour”

“Your tour mates aren't giving a fuck”

“One more reason to stay safe, there must be at least one healthy person”

“You don't have to babysit me tonight too, Eddie, you've already been doing it for two days”

“But I love it... can I babysit you a little longer?”

“Hahaha sure”

“Listen, I'm gonna keep seeing these assholes for a while, but you're leaving tomorrow. Do you mind if I'd rather spend this time with you?”

“No, I don't. But I never figured you for a masochist”

“I guess you'll just have to get used to that”

******************************************************************************************************************************************

“Angie? It's time to wake up!” this is my fourth attempt and if I keep on knocking on the bedroom's door it's only because I know she has to go back to Seattle. If it was up to me, I'd let her sleep to keep her here with me a little longer.

“Yeah, just a minute...” I hear her mumble through the door, exactly like the other three times.

Maybe we should have stayed awake without sleeping at all, considering she leaves so early in the morning, but she didn't resist, she was dead tired. So I stayed awake alone, sitting on my rooftop smoking, looking at the stars and pondering about my stupidity. Two days, I've had her here with me for two whole days and when I saw her for the first time on the beach and heard the news two days seemed such a long time to me. Now what? They're gone and what did I do? Nothing. I mean, it was great, we spent a lot of time together and had fun and I believe I won't forget a single second I spent with Angie. But she'll be gone in a little more than one hour and I didn't tell her anything or kiss her. Why is it so difficult? I keep trying to push the conversation in a certain direction all the time but there's always some kind of diversion taking us somewhere else, somewhere not necessarily unpleasant but generally very far from being in he arms. I was pretty close a couple of times, the first one I got interrupted by Mike Starr who was in the mood for dancing, the second one it was Dina. Actually she isn't to blame, she just wanted to get dressed and avoid hypothermia. And I could have got a move on anyway, I mean, if I can't even kiss a girl in a secluded corner of a small romantic beach under the starlight with the sweet low surge of the ocean waves as a soundtrack... well, I don't know then, I'm just hopeless I guess. Anyway, that was it and I can't go back, I can only look and think ahead and try to make the right choices in the future. I walk back into the kitchen and I reach in my pocket to check if the tape I made for Angie's still there. And where else would that be anyway? Normal guys simply hit on girls, I give out love-themed mix tapes that'll be heard by the receiver when she's like miles away. I didn't get anywhere acting as an adult, right? Now I'm gonna try boyish techniques...

I check out the time once again when the coffee is ready and go scouting in the bathroom area. I put an ear to the door to hear any possible sound but I can't hear anything. I cautiosly enter and like I thought, I find it empty. Thank god you were an early bird, Angie! I knock once again at Angie's door, that is at my bedroom's door, and no one answers. I slowly open it and she's still in bed, as it turns out.

“Angie” I call her from the doorway a couple of times but she doesn't move an inch. I walk up to the bed almost intimidated, maybe by her beauty or by her low snoring or by the word LOSER written on the t-shirt she borrowed. I get right beside her and keeping my eyes on her all the time I sit down on the bed next to her, trying not to make a sound. And I don't know why since I'm supposed to wake her up and should be loud instead.

“Angie, wake up... Angie!” I shake he shoulders softly but I get nothing more than a groan of complaint as a response.

“Mmmhh”

“Come on, Angie, it's late” I go on and she licks her lips and tilts her head to the left towards me, as if she looked right at me but keeping her eyes shut all the time. For a moment I think she's about to wake up but then she parts her lips slightly and starts breathing deeply, while her head falls back into the pillow in slow motion.

I feel more and more like the writing on the t-shirt Angie's wearing because I'd sit here just looking at her sleeping for hours, examining the smallest gestures and movements, and it's like I'm walking on the thin line between being in love and being a creep.

“Angie, I know you wanna sleep but I also know that once you wake up, you'll kill me if I make you miss the bus to Seattle. Get up, come on” I shake her again and this time she babbles something more comprehensible that I've already heard.

“Yeah, just a m...” she can't even say the whole sentence and she's already back to sleep.

“Angie” I lean down on her until I can feel her breath against my cheeks and find out it's a very nice feeling. And weird ideas intrude my mind.

“Don't even think about it” I tell myself as I try to look away from Angie's lips but it's easier said than done.

“She's not the Sleeping Beauty and you're not Prince Charming, you dumbass” I repeat to myself as my mouth follows a track of its own.

I'm an inch away from a kiss and I feel lightheaded, I don't know if it's for the umcomfortable position, for sleep-deprivation or excitement or because I'm basically breathing in only the carbon dioxide the girl I love is breathing out. I barely brush the tip of my lips against hers then immediately back up, once I realize what I'm actually doing. Is this the first kiss I wanna give to her? While she's asleep? While she can't react and tell me to fuck off? I lay down beside her, resting my head on the same pillow, and I look at her face trying to fix every single detail in my mind, to commit this moment to memory and never forget it. Then I get up from the bed.

“Sorry, Angie, there's no other way” Daydream Nation's cd is in my stereo, I select track number 5 and crank up the volume before pressing PLAY.

“FUCK!” Angie exclaims as she abruptly sits up on the bed.

“GOOD MORNING!” I yell over the music without turning it off.

“WHAT... WHAT TIME IS IT?”

“IT'S TIME... hehe it's time to get up” I giggle and turn down the volume to more human levels.

“Ok, I'm gonna get up now” Angie holds her head between her hands then look around still confused.

“Forgive me, princess, but you wouldn't wake up, I tried everything”

“Everything?” she asks and accurately avoids looking at me. She must be angry.

“Well, yeah, calling and shaking you didn't work...”

“I'm sorry, I'm... I'm gonna get dressed and ready now” Angie lifts the covers and gets out of bed immediately, going straight for her backpack and looking for something inside, still without looking at me. For a moment there I think I see her blushing.

“Sure, I'll leave you alone now. And... well, I made coffee if you want it” I add as I leave.

“Great, thanks”

“Anyway you could have taken a slice of cake” I scold her as we get out of the car.

“No, it's yours. And I had plenty of it yesterday” says Angie and now she's vaguely more alive and talkative than earlier, although I can see she's tired.

“One more bite wouldn't have killed you”

“No! And I got cookies anyway. And also the sandwiches you made me. By the way, you shouldn't have, I could buy something once in L.A.”

“Look, I know you're saying this because you think they're not edible and don't wanna offend me. I can assure you they're good”

“Hahaha I trust you, don't worry, it's not that. I meant you already did a lot for me”

“Uhm maybe I like doing things for you, is it bad?”

“No, it's not. Thank you anyway”

“You're welcome”

We keep walking until we get to the fucking bus station where we'll have to say bye in a while. And I know I'll meet her again in a few days but I also know it's gonna be different in Seattle. I mean, it is different now, here in San Diego, and it could have been even more different. In Seattle it's all the same and knowing me and knowing Angie's insight, it'll be the same for a while.

“That's mine, the third from bottom” Angie points towards a white bus with blue, red and yellow stripes on the side parked at the other end and that's where we head to, as I zip my jacket and pull up the hood over my head because of the cold morning wind.

“Uh I almost forgot” of course I didn't forget it, not even for a minute, I've been turning it in my hand inside my pocket for an hour.

“What?”

“Something for you, for the bus ride” I show her the cassette and I knew she's have smiled but I wasn't ready for that kind of wonder, I'm never ready for that.

“Is it your home?” she asks referring to our old conversation. She showed me her home, the songs she takes shelter in, and it'd be my turn now.

“Yeah, for some months now...”

“Your new home in Seattle, huh? I'm curious...” Angie looks at it although nothing's written on it, as if she could unlock its secrets from its blank cover. She doesn't understand all it takes is looking into my eyes: she believes I put my new life in Seattle on tape, whereas I was talking about the last few months I spent slowly and hopelessly falling in love with her.

“I didn't write titles of course”

“So that I can live the moment listening to it?” will I survive one week without her adorably making fun of me?

“Also” I reply and I must look not very amused because her voice changes, although I can't see why.

“Hey, I was just kidding... I like the idea of being surprised, I did it too”

“Hehe sure, I know, you're talking like I got upset or something”

“Aren't you upset?”

“No, why would I?”

“I don't know, you're strange”

“Strange? You mean, more than usual?”

“Hehe yes, you... you look sad”

“Well it must be because I am sad”

“Why? What happened?” her porcelain face becomes worried.

“What happened... what's happening here, now... you leaving...”

“Are you sad because I'm going back home?” Angie looks at me as if I spoke another language.

“Yeah... I mean, my little house on the beach will be empty again. And I'll miss you, you know” it takes me a lot to make this half admission and Angie doesn't react as I'm expecting.

“Hahaha shut up!” she basically blurts out laughing at my face as we make our way across the bus station.

“It's true”

“Oh Eddie, do you know what you need?” she sighs and asks what really looks like a rhetorical question.

“What?” you to stay?

“A girlfriend, Eddie. You really should find yourself one”

“Ah. D'you think so?” the conversation takes an unexpected turn.

“Yes”

“Well, ehm, yeah, maybe. It's not easy though”

“It'd be very easy for you, if only you didn't make your life so difficult”

“You're absolutely right about that”

“If you just stopped building castles in the air, maybe you'd realize it's easier than you think”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you should shake off this idea of yours of the perfect girl and look around”

“Perfect girl?”

“Yeah, the girl who appears from out of nowher and turns your life upside down, who makes you lose your mind with a gesture or, how did you call it, a detail that drives you crazy. You said your problem was that you fall in love too easily. Well, it looks like the exact opposite to me. I'm not saying you should get with the first girl you meet but maybe you could stop staring at the pedestal waiting for someone to climb on it and give an opportunity to normal girls”

“Pedestal, but... what the fuck are you talking about?”

“All I'm saying is that if you stopped waiting for the mythical ideal girl, maybe you'd notice that the right girl for you is already there and she's right before your eyes but you don't even notice” she states as we get right in front of her bus, which is already surrounded by a small group of travellers and sleepy accompanying persons like me.

“Really?” I was almost getting mad at her but I like this part of her speech. I like it a lot.

“Yes, it could be someone pretty close to you, a friend you don't even consider” you think I don't consider you, you're so silly.

“Please forgive me, Angie, it's kinda early and I can't get all the shades and subtleties of the spoken language. Are we still talking hypothetically or do you mean someone specific?”

“I don't know, what do you think?”

“I don't know, I wouldn't ask you if I did”

“A specific person”

“Ok...” I take a step towards her.

“There's a girl who could, I mean, who is perfect for you, but you don't give a fuck about her”

“That's what you say” another small step.

“I say it 'cause I know”

“Maybe you're wrong” third step, at the third one I'll be all over her.

“I hope so, because she's such a gorgeous girl and you must be blind not to notice her. Apart from the fact she's beautiful and a force of nature, you basically love the same things and you should see the both of you when you talk. There's so much chemistry!” she talks very fast, too fast for six o'clock in the morning.

“Angie, who the hell are you talking about?” I'd love to think about a sudden boost of self esteem and confidence but I'm smellin' a rat.

“I already know what you're gonna say, you know? She's only a friend, I can't, blah blah...But that's your mistake, separating love from friendship, because before being lovers you have to be partners and friends, and you and Michelle have this deep connection that-”

“Michelle” it's not a rat, it's pure shit.

“You'd be perfect together”

“MICHELLE?!” I must have crazy eyes or maybe I'm screaming a little too loud because Angie flinches and backs up.

“Yeah! See? I told you, I bet you didn't even think about her!”

“Actually I didn't”

“Well you should!”

“Tell me you're kidding”

“Hehe no!” she laughs. She laughs. And I'm about to lose my patience.

“Angie, being with Mitch would be some kind of incest, I've known her for twenty years or something, she's like a sis-”

“She's like a sister, we're just friends, blah blah... just like I told you before! I knew that”

“So... you're saying the solution to all my problems would be getting together with my best friend who lives one thousand miles away from me?” I take a deep breath and try to keep calm.

“Long-distance relationships can work, if there's trust and love”

“Between Mitch and I there's no trust or love, nothing's there, Angie. Our friendship is too deep and apart from that she doesn't like me that way and I don't like her that way”

“You don't like her?”

“NOT IN THAT WAY!” I raise my voice again and as I look around I notice I caught the attention of the other passengers.

“You're an idiot, Eddie, let me tell ya” Angie shakes her head and pulls back up her backpack that was slipping off her shoulder.

“If that's what you think...”

“You're too fuckin' picky! I see you can do that but... I don't know, I can't work you out” why is she getting all worked up? I'm getting all worked up too.

“You're the one to talk” I can't hold back this time but my allusion goes unnoticed.

“I could understand you didn't want Violet, to a certain extent, because she was very distant from your world and you didn't have anything in common. But Michelle?! She's a musician, a surfer, a skater, likes sports, she's an environmentalist and socially commited! She told me about what she does, what you do, for homeless people. And the fact she knows you so well is a plus to me, because she knows how to approach you and take care of you, she knows your flaws and weaknesses and can understand you better than anyone else. But you... you don't wanna hear about it! I... Fuck, I don't know?! I'd be curious to know what a girl must look like for you to like her, since I know you I've never seen a girl you like, not even one by mistake. Who knows what did your exes look like? They must have been some kind of living goddesses to b-” Angie keeps talking and talking and at some point I stop listening to her because the more I listen the more I get mad so I just put an end to this bullshit in the only possible way: I reach for her nape, pull her head toward me and kiss her.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************

I'm swimming. Weird right? Even weirder is the fact I can perfectly breathe under water. And I don't even have gills! I know because as I look for Eddie in the dark depths of this, I don't know, sea? Lake? While I hear him calling me and try to reach him, I touch the side of my face and neck, expecting to find some kind of openings but nothing's there.

“Angie!” there is Eddie's voice again so I stop asking myself silly questions about my underwater respiration.

“I'm coming!” I answer as I move towards a bright spot in the distance. 'Cause actually I'm not really swimming, but I'm not walking either, it's something in between. The light turns out to be closer than expected and in a minute find myself in front of a small rusty spotlight pointing down towards the seabed. Following the light trail I finally find what I've been looking for.

“Angie...” I hear him calling again but more weakly. I dive-bomb towards Eddie's silhouette, slumped over between two rocks. Besides the amphibious skills, I'm clearly very strong too because I throw away one of the big rocks with one hand and I use the other to grab Eddie by his arm and drag him up with me as I swim towards the surface. The rise is very long, I'm fast but it seems to me I've been swimming for hours before I finally get out of the water. I hold on to the floating bed base and manage to climb on it, pulling Eddie up with me and saving him. But is he safe for real? I look at him and he's so pale, I try and shake him and slap him but he doesn't move.

“Eddie...” I lean on him to try and check his breath but nothing comes out of those sweet lips. The first aid classes I took finally turn out to be useful, although I wish I would never need those. I lift his chin tilting his head back as much as possible, I open his mouth delicately but quickly and check inside with my fingers to verify that the airway is clear and there's nothing that could be dangerous, I pinch his nostrils closed with my fingers and, always putting pressure on the jaw, I take a deep breath in and place my lips tightly over his to blow big and quick breaths. I back up and release his nose for five seconds then start it all over again, two, three, four times. I place two fingers on his strong neck checking for a pulse I can't feel, I lay my hand at the center of Eddie's chest and push for thirty times, as they taught me, using my whole upper body weight to provide all the force I have. I wanna cry but I can't, this is not the right moment. I go back to Eddie's lips, desperately trying to blow life inside him, when at some point I feel something weird: his mouth is not frozen anymore, it moves, his lips tenderly curve upwards. I pull away abruptly and I see him staring at me with his ocean blue eyes and a dimpled smile.

“You love me then?” he asked amused.

“YOU'RE AN IDIOT!” I yell at his face punching his pale chest, right where I pushed with my whole self a minute ago.

“Angie...” Eddie doesn't lose his cool, he keeps smiling at me and starts tracing the tips of his fingers across my back, first through my soaked t-shirt and then right under it.

“That's a pretty cruel prank to pull!” I scold him again, but he just rest his other hand on my shoulder first, then takes the lock of wet hair stuck against my cheek and pushes it away from my face “You scared me to death”

“I know you want to slap my face now, but I also know you'd be mad if I didn't kiss you again”

“I...”

“Angie...” with a delicate but quick gesture, Eddie pushes me sideways and turns me on my back, basically inverting our positions, and starts kissing me like a madman.

It's all strange and normal at the same time, everythings warm and bright and enveloping and I can hear music in the distance. But I can only hear the bass and percussions, as if it came from underwater or from another room, and I can't understand what song it is. It just makes me wanna dance. I pull away from Eddie and lean over towards the water's edge, trying to recognize the melody, but he doesn't like the parting. I can barely see the frown on his face before one last kiss, that's almost a bite, and before he throws me back into the water.

I can't see anything at all, all I see is me

That's clear enough

And that's what's important, to see me

My eyes can focus

My brain is talking

It looks pretty good to me

“FUCK!” I wake up startled, the taste of a kiss still on my lips and Sonic Youth raping my ears and brain.

“GOOD MORNING!” the kisser, actually the real life version of him, greets me snickering and I feel so fucking embarrassed for the adventures of my subconscious.

“WHAT... WHAT TIME IS IT?” I ask him the first thing that comes to mind just to avoid silence.

“IT’S TIME… hehe it’s time to get up” Eddie finally decides to end the torture but his dimpled smile only reminds me how close I was to those dimples in my dream.

“Ok, I’m gonna get up now” I hesitate a little more while Eddie explains how he tried to wake me up, then I actually get out of bed and reach for my backpack, I take my clean underwear and pretend to look for something else to avoid looking at him and see those lips that... Why am I like this?!

“I didn't write titles of course”

“So that I can live the moment listening to it?” I joke as I try to penetrate the cassette box with my eye to get to know the content in advance. I'm very curious about Eddie's home, I want to know him better. I know something about his music taste, I know The Who are his favorite band and he likes Butthole Surfers and Minor Threat. Either that or he's particularly attracted to their t-shirts aesthetic! I think he put some Fugazi too, together with Springsteen, Dylan and Tom Petty. Well, I can say I already have the whole Side A in my mind. But there's a whole Side B to discover and I can't wait to get on the bus, put the tape in my walkman and put earbuds on. Because, yes, I'm about to say bye to Eddie and I won't see him for a week at least but with this mix tape it'll be like having him with him all the time.

“Also” he replies with a strange voice. I look up at him and notice a frowned expression.

“Hey, I was just kidding… I like the idea of being surprised, I did it too” I thought he was used to my unpleasant sense of humor by now.

“Hehe sure, I know, you’re talking like I got upset or something”

“Aren’t you upset?”

“No, why would I?” maybe because you're being defensive.

“I don’t know, you’re strange”

“Strange? You mean, more than usual?” yes, because you're not crazy-strange, you're unhappy-strange.

“Hehe yes, you… you look sad”

“Well it must be because I am sad”

“Why? What happened?” I'm immediately alarmed. What if he saw Beth last night? Or maybe it's exactly the opposite, maybe he hoped to see her but she didn't show up...

“What happened… what’s happening here, now… you leaving…” me? What have I got to do with this?

“Are you sad because I’m going back home?”

“Yeah… I mean, my little house on the beach will be empty again. And I’ll miss you, you know” you'll miss me, sure. You'll miss somebody, having someone to talk to, but it's not like I'm the only person on the plante.

“Hahaha shut up!”

“It’s true” I know it's true for you. The problem is it's true for me too. And we've got all the premises for a disaster. We'd better change our way.

“Oh Eddie, do you know what you need?”

“What?”

“A girlfriend, Eddie. You really should find yourself one” that's when I start giving him some kind of lecture, although that wasn't my first intention. It's all his fault though! He's fuckin' asking for it, I mean, how can he not sense the connection between Michell and him? How can he say she's not his type? Why is nobody his type? How can it be? And why have a type anyway? I like tall movie nerds with a big nose but that doesn't mean I wouldn't give a chance to, I don't know, short music and surf lovers with a cute button nose. Is it possible he doesn't like anyone? Eddie's very handsome, no doubt about it, no one knows it more than me how hot this guy is. And he's also a good and mysterious soul, a passionate artist... I mean, he has it all. But if not even a knockout like Mitch is his type... I don't know what to think.

“You don’t like her?”

“NOT IN THAT WAY!” Eddie raises his voice all upset, drawing the attention of the other waiting passengers even more, after they've been following our discussion from the beginning.

“You’re an idiot, Eddie, let me tell ya” why do you have to make it all so difficult?

“If that’s what you think…”

“You’re too fuckin’ picky! I see you can do that but… I don’t know, I can’t work you out” if Violet's not his type, Michelle's not his type... I can only imagine what I look like to his eyes.

“You’re the one to talk” he mumbles and I see where he's getting at. He's the picky one whereas I'm the opposite, I'm the one who's always been chosen and never chose. I'm not saying my attitude is the right one, I think somewhere in the middle would be the ideal solution.

“I could understand you didn’t want Violet, to a certain extent, because she was very distant from your world and you didn’t have anything in common. But Michelle?! She’s a musician, a surfer, a skater, likes sports, she’s an environmentalist and socially commited! She told me about what she does, what you do, for homeless people. And the fact she knows you so well is a plus to me, because she knows how to approach you and take care of you, she knows your flaws and weaknesses and can understand you better than anyone else. But you… you don’t wanna hear about it! I… Fuck, I don’t know?! I’d be curious to know what a girl must look like for you to like her, since I know you I’ve never seen a girl you like, not even one by mistake. Who knows what did your exes look like? They must have been some kind of living goddesses to b-” Eddie gives me a skeptical look the whole time without blinking an eye, then disbelief turns into an actual frown and I suddenly have this déjà vu moment. But I don't have the time to remember where I already saw that frown, 'cause I get knocked down by a sort of hurricane, that lifts me off my feet and then throws me back down with a bang, leaving me with trembling knees and hands. I know Eddie's kissing me, I'm aware of that, I can clearly feel his lips slowly moving against mine, his hand caressing my hair, his fingers so dangerously close to my weak spot on the nape than the mere thought he touch it almost makes me lose my mind. I'm present to the moment I'm living right now and I wouldn't want to be anytime and anywhere else, but that doesn't mean I'm actually understanding what's happening to me. Actually, I can't find any trace of logic in all this, I start believing I never really woke up, that I'm still in Eddie's bed, wearing his Loser t-shirt, nomen omen the Latin would say... And maybe I'm right there because all of a sudden it seems like I can hear the rumbling sound of music in the distance, coming from a closed space: it can be the stereo of a car that's getting close, an after hours club, the powerful clock radio of a hard sleeper. I don't know where it comes from, I only know it sounds a lot like the one I heard during the dream and if I wasn't an atheist and a rationalist I'd start considering omens and oracles. But Eddie backs up slightly and when I open my eyes and meet his I definitely lose every sense of time and space.

“Too many words for six o'clock in the morning, Angie” it's barely more than a whisper against my lips.

“I... Oh my god, I'm sorry, it's... it's sleep deprivation, basically it's like I'm drunk. And you know that when I'm drunk I talk too much and use a lot of big words. Well, actually I haven't used any big words now, that must be an exclusive feature of alcohol consumption, but the chatty aspect is still there. That and snooping around into other people's business 'cause I generally not. Not because I'm a thoughtless uncaring person, of course, but-” Eddie's eyes are quizzical during my whole rant, until he decides to put an end to this as well, the same way as he did before. Eddie pulls me against him once again applying a soft pressure against my neck, then kisses me, burying his fingers in my hair completely and now I'm the one who forgets how to breathe. I'm the gasping one on the floating bed, while Eddie tries to revive me and ignores the fact he's the cause of my blackout. The 4/4 rhythm is still in the background, still the same, it doesn't get close or move away. My arms are limp, dangling at my sides, and I must look quite ridiculous but I don't really know where to put my hands and honestly I don't even know I have limbs right now and I'm not really sure about their real purpose. This drunk-like state continues until Eddie decides to take my lower lip in his mouth and start nibbling on it, before moving his tongue over it ever so lightly. That's when reality hits me like a cold shower. Only it's not reality but lucid insanity, so typical of me. Because as soon as Eddie slips his tongue between my lips and inside my mouth, I've got the feeling someone suddenly threw the door of the music room wide open or just threw me in there and everything's suddenly clear. And it's not Sonic Youth. And it's not Tom Jones either. It's Depeche Mode, performing on the roof of the bus.

When I'm with you baby

I go out of my head

And I just can't get enough

“Still too many words, huh?” I ask when Dave Gahan, fully dressed in leather, stops singing and just dances around Vince Clark, who plays keyboards like crazy.

“I think so” Eddie replies as he brushes his nose against mine shaking his head.

“Sor-” I can't even say one word and he's once again attacking my lips, pressing his body so hard against mine that my backpack falls from my shoulder and leaving very little space between us.

By now I remember I have arms, maybe because Gahan has just pulled them up over my head while we're dancing together and I wonder why isn't he sweating with those fuckin' leather pants because it's so fucking hot in here. I don't really know where I put my hands but when Eddie backs away from me and I open my eyes again, I see his hood's not over his head anymore and he's now circling and gently caressing my wrists with the tip of his fingers. I see it and feel it. Feel it too much.

“Interrupting a woman who's speaking is not really feminist, you know?”

“Isn't it?” he asks pretending to be surprised and alarmed. I answer shaking my head “Not even with a kiss?”

“Nuh-uh”

“Well, you have my apologies then, my princess”

“I accept your apologies”

“I'll wait for you to finish talking before doing it again”

“Great, that'll be better”

“Fine”

“Fine.” I repeat, then I stare at him in silence for a few seconds, still too many for my taste “I finished”

“Fine” he echoes before his passion washes over me once more with another kiss.

“Angie, it's time to go” Eddie says when I still have my eyes closed and am sitting at a bar, drinking smoothies with Depeche Mode, and for a moment, for the umpteenth time, but more convincingly, I really think I'm still in Eddie's bed, while he's calling me to get up because it's late. And I'll probably curse profusely because I'm about to miss the bus. Anyway, when I open my eyes I find myself at the bus station, right in front of the white bus that's gonna take me back to Seattle, a long series of faces smiling and winking at me as the passengers put their largest suitcases in the trunk of the bus.

“Huh?” I ask still woozy.

“The bus is about to leave”

“Uh! Ok, let's go” I try and come to my senses putting one foot in front of the other but something, or someone, blocks me.

“Angie?”

“Yes?”

“The bus”

“Yes”

“It's this way”

“Oh yeah, sure! Sorry, hehe, I'm still sleeping basically” I apologize and walk the right direction.

“Angie?”

“Yeah?”

“Your backpack” I turn around and see it on the ground next to Eddie's feet. He giggles as he takes it and walks up to me.

“Thank you” I gesture for him to give it to me but he keeps the bag and takes my hand, pulling me towards the bus.

Eddie literally has to take the ticket from my backpack and show it to the driver because I just can't, then gets on the bus with me and makes me sit down.

“Do you wanna put the backpack up here? I'll help you” he asks pointing at the overhead compartment.

“No, thank you, I'm gonna keep it here for the moment, then I'll think about it”

“I can help her too” a good looking woman around thirty with nice curly hair and red-framed glasses looks up from her book and smiles alternatively at me and Eddie.

“Thank you...”

“Ok, gotta go now or I end up going back to Seattle in advance instead of playing in Oakland”

“And Stone would kill the both of us”

“Exactly... Bye Angie, call me when you get home, ok?” Eddie bends down on his knees to give me another kiss who's barely there but it's not less effective than the others.

“Ok”

“Maybe even before that if you can, I guess you'll have other stops after L.A., right?”

“I think so... but maybe you won't be home and-”

“I don't care, leave me a message, I just wanna hear you, ok? Have a safe trip”

“Thank you, have... a nice... show” I answer in between kisses.

“See you in Seattle” after one last caress on my cheek and a kiss on my forehead, Eddie says bye to me and my travel companion and gets off the bus.

“I don't wanna be nosy, dear, but let me tell you: you're crazy”

“Excuse me?” I stop staring at the aisle where Eddie's just passed and turned towards the female voice who's just spoken beside me.

“You're crazy, leaving a guy like that alone on Valentine's Day” the woman goes on and nods at the window.

I look out and see Eddie pulling his hood back over his head and waving at me, before putting both hands in his pockets. I reply with the same gesture right when the bus starts to move. Valentine's Day? Who on earth ever thought of this?

#pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #eddie vedder fanfiction #pearl jam #eddie vedder #stone gossard #jeff ament #mike mccready #alice in chains #jerry cantrell #sean kinney #chapters

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maximilliandelirium · 6 years

Text

somebody out there hates you

a/n: hhhh i wrote this in a pre-nanowrimo mania. wanted to post to ao3 but it’s acting weird so i thought i’d throw it up on the blog for now. notice me senpai fills me with joy, so i was inspired to make *~art~* the setting is anime japan so nothing is accurate and the points don’t matter (pssst! support me on ko-fi!)

Summary: Suzuki joins an anti-cafe out of curiosity and begins to re-evaluate his relationship with Yamato. Suzuki/Yamato (Idol Senpai/Rocker Senpai)

Suzuki didn’t go online that evening intending to join an anti-Suzuki fan café. He usually didn’t dwell on his haters at all. But tonight, curiosity got the better of him. He’d been trawling the net after a long practice when he stumbled across a link to the anti-site. (Suzuki liked to Google himself; so what?) When he followed it, he realized he couldn’t read any of the message boards without an account.

That’s a good thing, I guess, he thought. He didn’t really want to see what people were saying about him. He decided to forget about it and do his homework instead.

At least, that was what he tried to do. He kept thinking about it as he struggled over his assigned reading. What did they talk about? Did they make fun of his hair? His personality? Maybe they picked apart his lyrics. The longer he thought about it, the more he wanted to know.

Suzuki tossed his book aside and re-opened his laptop. He hadn’t closed the browser window. The link was still there. Yamato was always telling him to consider his weaknesses so he could improve. This could be beneficial. If Suzuki tried understanding where these people were coming from, he might be able to win them over, or at least get better at what he did.

It didn’t take much to make an account. He had to create a new email—he didn’t want his regular one linked to the site. After that, he spent half an hour trying to come up with a screen name. It was imperative that no one know who he really was. His usual handle—“SuzuStar”—would give him away like a shot. Suzuki was also disappointed to discover that “YamatoFan#1” was taken. Eventually, he settled on “notafan1234.”

Never having been on an anti-site before, Suzuki wasn’t sure what to expect. He was surprised by how plain it was. The header image was just the name of the page in bright red letters, along with a picture of his face with a “no” sign superimposed on it. He scrolled through the list of threads.

Break Suzuki’s new MV!

New Anti-Suzuki Memes

Worst Lyrics Poll (CLOSED)

Suzuki kept scrolling, horrified and fascinated. He found a thread titled “Important question for Yamato fans—should he be friends w/ Suzuki?” He clicked on it. He jumped when he saw the selfie he and Yamato had taken at the school festival. The original poster had written a caption beneath it.

Ugh. I don’t get why Yamato wastes his time with this guy. They don’t have anything in common.

A user named MerryPip added, Lol same. Yamato actually has talent.

Suzuki frowned.

They probably just hang out because they go to the same school, someone else said. Yamato doesn’t want to be mean.

Tbh, SuzuYama shippers make me sick.

Yamato shouldn’t keep feeding them by hanging out with him.

They only do it for fanservice. I bet it’s in their contracts.

Suzuki hadn’t been planning on responding to anyone, but the last comment had sent him over the edge. They had no right to question his friendship with Yamato. They didn’t know anything about him. He typed, Maybe Yamato and Suzuki are friends because they get along and like to hang out.

A response appeared in no time. As if, Lonelygrrl said. Suzuki is too much of a ditz to get along with Yamato. He totally cramps his style. Yamato is just humoring him because the fans like it.

Blood rushed to Yamato’s face. His fingers flew to the keys. That’s not true! How do you know Yamato is just pretending? You don’t have any proof. You’re just making stuff up!

The backlash was swift and immediate. A gallery of photos flooded the thread with red outlines drawn around Yamato’s eyes and mouth, along with whole paragraphs explaining why his smile was faked, or how he couldn’t stand to actually touch Suzuki.

His hand is just hovering here, Lonelygrrl wrote. All their selfies are faked. Their managers get together and tell them where to go. Like playdates.

Suzuki slammed the laptop closed. He sat back, fuming. When his head cooled, Suzuki reached for his phone. He wanted to ask Yamato about this. (Yamato was saved in his contacts as “Yama heart eyes emoji, guitar emoji.”)

Did u know there’s a whole website that hates me? Suzuki texted.

Yamato answered quickly: No, but I’m not surprised. There’s always haters. You find one?

Yeah. I made an account.

WTF why?

I wanted to see what they were saying.

Delete it. That’s a waste of time.

A waste of time. That’s what the anti-fans had said Yamato was doing by being Suzuki’s friend. He wanted to tell Yamato about it. But it had made him nervous. What if they were right? What if Yamato was only pretending to be friends with him? They’d become closer through school performances. Was that the only reason Yamato continued to hang out with him?

Suzuki texted back: Ur right. They’re just mean.

Don’t let it get to you. Some people have to be negative for no reason.

Suzuki put the phone aside. He wouldn’t go back on the site. He’d just forget about it. Yamato was his friend and that was that. It wouldn’t do him any good to second guess it. Suzuki opened the laptop one last time to close the browser. There were a few more replies.

Jesus, when will trolls learn not to come in here? MerryPip complained. Do. Not. Feed. The. Trolls.

I’m not a troll, Suzuki thought, closing the window. He would delete the account tomorrow. Right now, he needed to get back to work.

The next morning was rough. Suzuki hadn’t realized how much time had passed last night while he’d been reading the message boards, and by the time he completed his homework, it was 2AM. He shuffled into class, yawning.

“Late night?” Reiji asked as Suzuki walked past.

“It took me two hours to finish the reading.”

“Me, too!” Takeru said. “And when I finished, it felt like I didn’t understand it at all.” He looked over at Ren. “What did you think?”

Ren lifted his head slightly. “Huh? I didn’t finish. I fell asleep halfway through.”

“You’re kidding. We have a quiz on it today.”

“I can probably get a good enough grade with what I know.”

Suzuki spotted Yamato sitting on the windowsill. He had his guitar balanced in his lap and he was strumming it idly. The things Suzuki had read last night started to seep into his mind. He pushed them away. I’m not going to think about it.

“Yama-kun!” Suzuki called.

Yamato glanced up and smiled. It looked real. Relief washed over Suzuki as he walked over. Yamato continued plucking on the strings.

“Hey,” he said. “You look beat. What’s up?”

“I got distracted by the internet last night and did all my homework late.” Suzuki blushed. Yamato liked to tease him for being irresponsible sometimes. “But I did get it done!”

“Oh yeah. That site you texted me about. I hope you didn’t talk to anyone.”

Suzuki laughed nervously. “No. Why would I?”

“They’re trying to get a rise out of people. Starting an argument is just what they want.”

He laughed again, this time more forced.

Yamato tilted his head to the side. “You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s all good.” Suzuki waved a hand. “Let’s stop talking about it. Do you still want to go shopping today after class?”

“Sure. Just remember to change before we go out. I don’t want to get chased by your crazy fans again.”

“I wouldn’t forget,” Suzuki said. He winked and stuck his tongue out. “Are you sure you don’t like the exercise?”

“I’m sure.”

Yamato met him in front of the school after classes let out. No matter how many times they went out in public together, Yamato never stopped staring at Suzuki’s outfit. Suzuki didn’t understand why he rolled his eyes every time he saw it.

“What’s the matter? This is what I always wear,” he said.

“I know. That’s the problem. We’re getting you some new civilian clothes today.” Yamato grabbed the hem of Suzuki’s t-shirt and gave it a tug. “How many of these do you own?”

“A few.”

“You’re supposed to be in disguise. Why would you wear a shirt with your own face on it?”

“Because,” Suzuki said, lifting his index finger, “no one would ever suspect I’d wear my own merchandise. This face distracts them from looking at mine.”

“If you say so.” Yamato let go.

They walked into town, then took the train to the best shopping district. Though Yamato and Suzuki bought their clothes at different stores, they agreed that this part of the city had the best shops. The only problem was that it was crowded. Just getting off the train was a nightmare. Suzuki almost lost his hat.

“Is it just me or are there more people here today than usual?” he asked, squashing it back on his head.

“I think you’re right. There must be a promotion going on.” Yamato stretched to see over the crowd. “That one you like isn’t as busy. Let’s go to that one first.”

They pressed through the crowd. Suzuki bumped into a woman carrying a dozen bags and made her drop all of them. He spent a few minutes helping her pick them up while bowing and apologizing. She gave him a dirty look. He wondered if she would’ve been as mad if she knew who he was.

Or could she be one of the anti-fans?

Suzuki hadn’t thought about it before, but those names online had real people behind them. They could’ve been from his own school. It was scary to think about. There might be some in this crowd. Suzuki readjusted his mask and sunglasses, making sure his face was completely hidden.

“Suzu—!” Yamato cut himself off as he came jogging over. They’d gotten separated. “I turned around and you weren’t behind me.”

“Sorry. It’s hard to stick together in all this.”

Yamato sighed and looked around. Then he grabbed Suzuki’s hand. “Come on,” he said. “We need to get you a new shirt.”

The changing room was cold. Suzuki quickly pulled on one of the shirts he’d brought in. It was a purple galaxy print. There were three mirrors placed in the corner of the stall, giving him a rounded view. He was pretty satisfied with his appearance. Suzuki had often been told he had a good face. And his rigorous dance practices kept him in good shape. Yet…

Earlier, while Yamato was going through leather jackets, Suzuki had pulled up the anti-café on his phone. He needed to know if they knew where he was. His fans tended to track his movements. His haters might do the same thing.

Though there wasn’t anything about where he physically was, but there was a new thread: “Is Suzuki actually handsome? Yes/No?” He knew he shouldn’t read it. It didn’t matter what a handful of bitter people on the internet thought. But the urge was too strong.

It’s supposed to be his major selling point, but I’m a girl and I think he’s kind of lame.

His hair color looks so fake and not in a good way.

Didn’t he gain weight recently? No one’s gonna stick around if he keeps putting on the pounds XD

Imo he’s kind of short.

I’m 178 centimeters! That’s above average! Suzuki was shorter than Yamato, but that didn’t mean he was tiny. He remembered what Yamato had said about not engaging them. He wanted to set them straight.

The school festival selfie had reappeared. Suzuki had been proud of it at the time. His and Yamato’s costumes were perfectly coordinated, they’d posed in front of the best decorations in the classroom, and they’d gotten a perfect angle. This site didn’t seem to agree.

Look at this lame-ass Star Sailor costume.

I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time.

is it supposed to be funny? Who are they trying to appeal to?

It had taken every ounce of Suzuki’s self-control not to go off on them. Star Sailor was one of his great loves. It was one of Yamato’s as well. That was the whole reason they had coordinated their cosplays.

Unable to stomach any more, he had turned off the screen, gathered a few shirts and gone into the dressing room. He examined himself in the mirror. He still looked fine. Suzuki plucked a strand of hair. Was it too yellow?

He took off the galaxy shirt and pinched his stomach. Suzuki wasn’t as muscular as boys like Makoto or Katsuo, but he had a lithe figure. Nothing seemed to have changed. Sometimes Suzuki’s manager warned him not to indulge his sweet tooth too much. Maybe he should start taking that message more to heart. He felt a pang of loss just considering skipping the cakes at the school’s café.

Suzuki shook his head. He was letting the anti-site get to him.

When he emerged from the dressing room, he spotted Yamato coming over, his arms weighed down with jackets and black jeans. He eyed Suzuki’s pile.

“Did you find anything good?” he asked.

“I like this one.” Suzuki pointed at the galaxy shirt. “What do you think?”

Yamato shrugged. “You look good in everything.”

“Aw, Yama-kun, you’re so sweet!” Suzuki said in an over-the-top cutesy voice. He shimmied his shoulders for extra effect.

Yamato rolled his eyes and gave Suzuki a light smack on the arm. He disappeared behind the curtain. Suzuki put away the clothes he didn’t want while he waited. He wondered if Yamato had hate sites, too. It didn’t seem possible. Yamato was so handsome and talented; it was hard to imagine a bunch of people getting together just to make fun of him.

Suzuki pulled out his phone again. He went through his pictures until he found another selfie he’d taken with Yamato. It was from the last time Yamato had hung out at his house. Suzuki hadn’t made it public. He didn’t know why. It was a good picture. There wasn’t anything scandalous or illegal in it.

He supposed he hadn’t wanted to share it because it felt more personal than the others. They were both in sweatshirts and pajama pants, their faces lit up by the blue light from Suzuki’s TV. Suzuki was leaning heavily on Yamato, who was grinning at the camera. Suzuki was smiling fondly up at Yamato.

If those jerks online could see this picture, they’d realize Yamato wasn’t faking his feelings of friendship. Suzuki couldn’t post it, though. This picture was just for him and Yamato, no one else. He sighed and closed the photo gallery.

Yamato came out of the dressing room. “I’m ready if you are,” he said.

“Are you buying anything?” Suzuki asked as he headed for the counter.

Yamato shook his head. “I’m going to shop around a bit more. Do you want to get some bubble tea after the next stop?”

“Only if we go to that one place next to the arcade.”

“Okay, but you’re not dragging me into another DDR competition.”

Suzuki put his arm around Yamato’s shoulders. “Come on, you’re not that bad. You almost beat me last time.”

Yamato shook his head. He copied Suzuki’s gesture, linking them closer together. He gave Suzuki’s back a pat. “I’ll leave the dancing to the trained idol. Some other time. Now go, it’s your turn.” He nudged Suzuki forward.

Suzuki reluctantly let go of Yamato. He brought his shirts to the girl working the cash register. She smiled at him.

“You and your friend are cute,” she said as she rung him up.

“Thanks! I try.”

She giggled. “Have a nice day.”

“Did you flirt your way to a discount?” Yamato asked.

Suzuki’s eyes widened behind his sunglasses. “You can do that?”

“No, idiot.” Yamato took Suzuki’s hand again. “Maybe you could, but I wouldn’t. I hope she didn’t recognize you.”

“She didn’t. If she had, she would’ve asked for an autograph.”

They could never get a seat by the windows, otherwise their combined fans would fill the restaurant. Suzuki was half thankful for the privacy it afforded them, but they had to sit in a dim corner where there wasn’t much space. One of Yamato’s legs rested against one of his own.

“What kind did you get?” Suzuki asked.

Yamato glanced up from his phone. “Honeydew. You wanna try it?”

“Sure.” Suzuki took a sip from Yamato’s bubble tea. They had never worried about germs. The tea was perfectly sweet and mellow. He passed it back, a smile on his lips.

“You know, that’s the first time you smiled this afternoon,” Yamato said. “It feels like you’ve been gloomy ever since we left school.”

“Really?” He hadn’t noticed. “I guess I’m just tired. We’re already talking about the next comeback.”

“They should let you have a break. I’ve been talking to my agency about a vacation.” Yamato lowered his phone and met Suzuki’s eyes. “We could go somewhere. Hawai’i maybe. I’ve always wanted to do a shark tour.”

Suzuki shuddered. “That’s scary!”

“They put you in a cage. It’s not dangerous.”

“You can do that. I want to get a tan.”

Yamato knocked his leg against Suzuki’s. “But you’d want to go? With me?”

“Of course.”

Yamato’s eyes lit up. He smiled. “Awesome. We can get it cleared with your manager. There’s a little while before our next break. We could go then if your team says it’s okay.”

Hawai’I with Yamato. Suzuki imagined what it might be like. Sun, sand, and the ocean. Swimsuits. Sleeping in. Hawai’ian food. He sighed wistfully. Ever since he had first seen travel programs for it on TV, he’d always wanted to go. The best part might be going with Yamato. They could run around together as much as they wanted. They’d have their own hotel room.

“Will you ask your manager about it?” Yamato said, pressing Suzuki’s leg again. He was chewing on the corner of his lip.

“I will. I’ll text her now.” Suzuki fished his phone from his jacket pocket. He braced his leg against Yamato’s. He took comfort in the pressure. Yamato was strong. It felt good to lean on him.

Some of the other guys invited them to karaoke after school that weekend. It was Hajime’s idea apparently, which meant he’d roped in Soujiro, who was bringing the twins, and so on and so on. Things usually turned out this way. If someone mentioned a party, everyone ended up unofficially invited. Ikemen wasn’t a small school, but word spread quickly, and the upperclassmen were all connected by a web of association.

Suzuki didn’t remember who specifically asked him and Yamato if they wanted to tag along. It might’ve been Ai. Anyway, they showed up at the karaoke place after everyone else had already arrived thanks to an unexpected fangirl sighting.

“You guys are late,” Tokiya said.

“We just got chased halfway across the city,” Yamato said, tossing his jacket onto one of the couches. “Give us a break.”

Suzuki removed his mask, sunglasses, and hat. He took stock of the group. Ai had brought Tokiya and Ryuu, but Kurou was nowhere to be seen, meaning there’d be a fight later. (Ryuu and Tokiya always fought.) Soujiro and the twins were there, wearing casual clothes for once. Yuu and Baa had shown up as well. Suzuki would never get over the goat head. Takeru was there, probably having heard about the outing through word of mouth.

“Sorry, we ordered food without you,” he said.

“It’s fine. We can get something later.”

Suzuki settled in beside Yamato. He had asked his manager about the vacation. She hadn’t gotten back to him yet. He was starting to get nervous. Running from their fans earlier had only made Suzuki want it more. After this comeback. If the single does well, then I earned it. She can’t say no.

The other third-years had already lined up a decent list of songs. They must have been feeling nostalgic, since most of the music was from the 80s and 90s. Takeru, being Takeru, shared some of his food with Yamato and Suzuki while Hajime launched into a heart-felt ballad at the top of his lungs.

It was times like these that made Suzuki wish he wasn’t an idol. Being a senior in high school wasn’t easy, but there was so much more freedom. You definitely didn’t get hate comments. You could hang out with whoever you wanted. You didn’t get chased when you went outside. He could never just quit though. He loved music. He loved performing. But it was nice to just be with friends and not on a stage.

Yamato nudged him with his elbow. “Are you going to sing?”

“Obviously!” Suzuki hopped up. “I wonder if they have one of your songs on the machine.”

“Ooh, do it!” Ai said.

Yamato looked embarrassed. “Come on…”

“What?” Suzuki scrolled through the song list. “Are you scared I’m gonna ruin it? I’ll let you cover one of mine?”

“You should do a duet,” Hajime said. “Give us the collab everyone’s been waiting for!”

Takeru nodded in agreement and Ai applauded. “Yeah!” he said. “Do that!”

Yamato got up and walked over to the screen, picking up a microphone for himself. “Pick something we both know. One that’s in my range.”

Suzuki kept scrolling. They had a couple of his songs, as well as a few of Yama’s, but none of them were duets. Then he spotted something. He let out a cry of excitement.

“Yama! The Star Sailor duet! From the musical.” He grabbed Yamato’s upper arm and squeezed it insistently. “Remember? The part where Selena hears Damian join her from offstage, and then he comes down from the ceiling?” He shook Yamato’s arm for emphasis. “Let’s do this one. Please?”

“Wait, you’ve seen the Star Sailor musical?” Ryuu asked with a smirk.

Yamato blushed. “It’s good,” he muttered. To Suzuki, he said, “You really want to do this one? It’s kind of…”

“I know all the words,” Suzuki said proudly. “I could sing it without looking at the screen.”

Yamato still looked hesitant. An upsetting thought reared its ugly head. Suzuki remembered the discussion in the anti-café, about their Star Sailor cosplay. I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time. Suzuki’s heart sank. What if Yama really was only going along with it to humor him? Liking a sparkly and romantic mahou shojo wasn’t Yamato’s style. And he probably hadn’t wanted to broadcast any interest in it.

“Um, we don’t have to,” Suzuki said. He reached out to scroll down the list again. “There’s probably another song we can both sing in here.”

“No,” Yamato blurted, color still high in his cheeks. “I want to do this one.”

“Are you sure?”

Yamato nodded. “You can have Selena’s part. The notes are too high for me.”

Relief washed over Suzuki. He might be humoring you again, a mean voice whispered in the back of his head. He tried to ignore it. As long as he got to sing with Yamato, he didn’t really care. He pressed play.

They might have been in a random karaoke room, surrounded by classmates, but Suzuki poured his heart into the performance. He loved the Star Sailor musical. He thought it was hopelessly romantic. Especially the part where Damian appeared. Suzuki started the duet and Yamato jumped in after a few bars. His voice was perfect for the song. It was like he really was Damian.

If Yamato had seemed uncomfortable before, he had shaken it off. He sang with confidence, turning to face Suzuki and holding out his hand. A thrill went through Suzuki as he took it. Yamato even twirled him under his arm. They could have been onstage. Suzuki had no trouble imagining Yamato in the top hat and mask (seeing as he’d worn the costume before). He also had no trouble seeing why Yamato’s fans left strings of hearts in the comments on his selfie posts.

Suzuki was starting to feel lightheaded. It might’ve been because the room was hot, or all his breath was going into the duet, but at the same time, he knew that wasn’t the real reason. Yamato drew him in a step closer. They were reaching the end of the song.

In the musical, Selena and Damian ended their duet by putting their foreheads together, eyes closed. Then, just before the stage lights dimmed, they would kiss. It was cheated, covered by strategic hand placement, but Suzuki squealed every time. Now, as his head came to rest against Yamato’s, he had a crazy idea.

What if Yamato kissed him?

Suzuki’s heart started to pound. Yamato’s face was so close to his. It would take just a tiny movement for their lips to touch. Even though the actors usually closed their eyes, Yamato was looking straight at him, and Suzuki couldn’t tear his gaze away. He’d forgotten everyone in the room. They might as well have been alone.

Then, the last note of the song faded. Yamato stepped back. Suzuki released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Yamato’s hand was still in his. Suzuki was shaking. All around them, the other third-years applauded. Someone whistled.

Suzuki came back to himself just in time. He raised his and Yama’s hands between them and swept into a low bow. “Thank you, thank you,” he said. “We’ll be here all week.”

“You guys were great!” Tokiya said. “It was just like seeing the actual musical. Right, Ryuu?”

Ryuu shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I’ve never watched Star Sailor live.”

“Oh really? Then what was that about telling Kurou how much you liked the actress that played Queen Pyrite?”

Ryuu’s mouth opened and shut indignantly. He turned away to hide the blush that had spread across his face. “Shut up, Tokiya.”

Yamato insisted on walking Suzuki home. None of their fans appeared, so it was an uneventful journey, but Suzuki’s heart hadn’t stopped racing. Yamato was at his side, keeping pace and chatting about his plans for a new song. Suzuki only half-registered the words he was saying. The rest of his mind was occupied with the ups and downs of his voice, his smile, the way the streetlights made his hair glow.

Suzuki remembered how Yamato had held his hand earlier and while they were shopping and wished Yamato would do it again. It had felt nice. He was tempted to bridge the distance between them, to reach out and mesh their fingers. Suzuki put his hands in his pockets instead.

Could friends hold hands whenever? He didn’t think there was anything weird about it, but most of the people he saw holding hands were couples. He could ask Yamato, but that seemed awkward. Why was he even getting the urge to hold hands in the first place?

“Suzuki?” Yamato had somehow ended up behind him. His brow was furrowed in concern. “Isn’t this your place?”

Suzuki looked back. He’d kept walking past his house. “Oh,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, I was distracted. Thinking about stuff.” He jogged back.

“You’re such an airhead,” Yamato said warmly. He ground his knuckles against the sides of Suzuki’s head, not hard enough to hurt. “What would you do without me?”

Suzuki laughed, swatting Yamato’s hands away. “Mean! That’s it, we’re rivals now.”

Yamato smirked. “I couldn’t be your rival. I’d crush you, and I don’t have the heart to do that. It’d be like kicking a puppy.”

“Woof!” Suzuki’s chest grew arm as Yamato burst into a fit of giggles.

�� Yamato took off his cap and mussed his hair. “Go on, your mom’s probably worried you got kidnapped by a crazy fan.”

“Text me when you get home,” Suzuki said.

“Will do. See you at school.”

Suzuki watched Yamato go until he vanished around a street corner.

Yamato texted him about twenty minutes later to let him know he’d arrived home safely. Suzuki tried to do his homework, but his thoughts were a jumble. He couldn’t concentrate. After an hour of struggling, he took a bath and changed for bed. If he couldn’t do his homework, he’d go to sleep now and wake up early to finish. And yet…

Suzuki lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. What had happened tonight was different from how things usually went between him and Yamato. He remembered the light, fluttery feeling in his chest when Yamato had held his hand, and how it had doubled when their foreheads were together. He remembered looking into Yamato’s eyes as they’d sung the Star Sailor duet at the karaoke place.

Friends didn’t react that way. Suzuki knew that. A friend didn’t set your heart racing just by touching you. They didn’t spawn butterflies in your stomach. Suzuki was starting to tremble just thinking about it. Heat burned up his neck to his ears.

If he was being honest with himself, he had imagined kissing Yamato before. It was impossible not to. There was a whole legion of fans who thought they should be a couple. Suzuki had never missed an opportunity to please them. He thought it was actually rather sweet. Yamato had laughed at first, but in general had approached the whole thing with good humor. With that sort of thing going on, it was hard not to imagine what it might be like if they actually were together.

Yamato seemed like he’d be a good kisser. He’d probably kissed lots of girls. Had he ever kissed another boy before? Probably not. Suzuki touched his lips. He had faked kisses with girls for MVs, but had never done it seriously. Yamato might laugh at his inexperience.

But he might also smile as he kissed him. He might hold Suzuki to him in a firm embrace, stroking his hair. He might also push Suzuki against a wall and kiss him fiercely, channeling the energy of his music into Suzuki until they were both breathless.

Suzuki opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d closed them. He took a deep breath in, then let it out. His imagination usually didn’t go that far. Suzuki felt a little uncomfortable. It was probably wrong for him to think of Yamato like that, but now that he’d started he couldn’t stop.

He pictured being able to hold hands with Yamato all the time, not just in a crowd, kisses before class, cuddling with each other while they watched movies… His heart surged. The thought of being with Yamato as more than a friend had made him so happy he couldn’t want anything else.

Suzuki wasn’t stupid. Maybe somewhat naive at times, but not stupid. He knew what he was experiencing. He loved Yamato. He had been loving Yamato for a long time now. Why shouldn’t he? Yamato was so artistic and brilliant and kind. It was just now occurring to him that his feelings ran over the edges of platonic affection into something else.

At the same time, Suzuki knew he couldn’t tell him. Yamato couldn’t possibly return his feelings. Even if he did, they couldn’t date without it being plastered over every magazine cover and celebrity news website. He thought of the message boards on the anti-Suzuki site. Those people would riot if Suzuki even hinted at the idea of loving Yamato. They might even go so far as to threaten him. And, worst of all, what if they were right? What if Yamato was only his friend because he had to be?

Suzuki didn’t want to believe it. He refused to. But the seeds of doubt had been sown. If he confessed to Yamato, and what those people online said was true, then he’d just humiliate himself. They’d never be able to hang out again. Suzuki feared that the most. He’d rather hold these feelings inside rather than run the risk of losing Yamato’s friendship.

He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. If he stayed like this long enough, maybe he would smother himself and never have to think of it again. He lifted his head eventually. It got too uncomfortable.

“I’ll just keep going like everything’s the same,” Suzuki said out loud. “He’ll never find out and we’ll keep being friends. I won’t have to give him up.”

Still, the resolution filled him with pain. He would never have that relationship with Yamato. It wasn’t going to be easy. Yamato would only have to touch him to send ripples of longing through Suzuki. He would have to train himself not to react, not to reciprocate where it wasn’t wanted.

He got up and found his MP3 player in his backpack. He put his earbuds in. Suzuki had every single album Yamato had released. He started with the first one, for nostalgia’s sake. As he listened, he imagined Yamato was singing just for him.

Pretending everything was normal was a lot harder than Suzuki realized. Yamato was everywhere. They were in class together all day, ate together during lunch, and even hung out after school. Suzuki didn’t want to stop hanging out with him; that would just make Yamato suspicious. But it was getting more and more difficult to focus on history and science when they studied together.

They were at Yamato’s apartment that afternoon. Yamato lived alone, which Suzuki used to think was a good thing, since there was no one to bother them if they decided to stay up all night watching anime. Now, he desperately wished there was someone to ward away his thoughts of kissing Yamato.

Yamato ran his fingers through his hair. He looked frustrated. “I’m not getting it,” he said. “What about you?”

Suzuki shook his head. He hadn’t even been trying. The whole study session was turning out to be counterproductive. How do people with crushes survive?

“Do you want to take a break and play Mario Kart?”

Suzuki shoved his notebook aside. “Absolutely.”

Hopefully, a game would keep his mind off of contemplating the feel of Yamato’s lips against his. He settled into Yamato’s couch, controller in hand. They weren’t competitive with each other in any area except Mario Kart. Soon, he’d want to strangle Yamato instead of make-out with him.

The plan worked, for a little while. Suzuki got swept up in the races, he and Yamato resorting to cheating by bumping into each other in real life and trying to wrestle the controllers out of each other’s hands. It was just like how things had been before. Suzuki relaxed.

However, things took a turn when Yamato hit him with a shell, right before Suzuki was about to win Rainbow Road. Bowser dashed across the finish line while Princess Peach was still spinning out. Suzuki threw down his controller and started pummeling Yamato lightly with his fists.

“I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

“I’m just playing the game,” Yamato laughed.

“That was my win, you cheater!”

“Shells are a part of the game. You hit me with a blue shell a couple tracks ago. How is this any different?” Yamato grabbed Suzuki’s wrists. “You still got second place.”

“I should’ve been first,” Suzuki said. “I did the shortcut and everything.” He struggled against Yamato’s hold. “Let me go. I’m not done beating you up.”

Yamato pushed him backwards, pinning him to the couch. He hovered over Suzuki. “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try. When you were hitting me, it felt like being stung by a mosquito.”

Suzuki went red. He tried to break free, but Yamato was strong. He went redder as he became more aware of their position. What was this, a scene out of a shojo manga?

“Okay, okay,” he said hastily. “You win. Fair and square. Can you get off me?”

Yamato let go. He leaned back. Suzuki lay there for a second longer, trying to catch his breath. Had he actually been wanting Yamato to kiss him like that? To just lean down and…

Suzuki shook his head. He had to get out of here before he did something stupid. He sat up. “Um, I should probably head home. I promised Mom I’d eat dinner with her tonight. She says she barely gets to see me.”

“Oh.” Yamato sounded disappointed. “It’s still early.”

Suzuki coughed. “Yeah. I said I’d help her cook, too.”

“Alright. I’ll walk you.” Yamato started to get up.

“Ah, no thanks!” Suzuki squeaked. He winced at the sound of his own voice. What was wrong with him? “I can make it on my own. I have my disguise and everything.”

“Are you sure?”

Suzuki nodded. He gathered his notebook and school things as quickly as possible. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow! Good luck on the physics homework.”

Yamato followed him to the door. “Text me when you get home?”

“Sure!” Suzuki chirped (too brightly, he realized). Then, before he could embarrass himself any further, he rushed out the door.

Suzuki made good on his word to help his mother make dinner. She’d been surprised to see him home so early, but glad to spend time with him as well. Suzuki’s schedule was so hectic that they rarely ate dinner together, let alone cooked together. He wasn’t as good as Souma in the kitchen, but he managed.

A part of him wanted to tell her about Yamato. He had a good opportunity to when she asked how he was doing. In the end, he said Yamato was doing fine and left it at that. He didn’t want to bother his mom with that kind of thing. (Truth be told, he was embarrassed to mention having a crush in the first place.)

After dinner, he holed himself up in his room. Suzuki knew it was the last thing he needed right now, but he logged back onto the anti-café. No one had banned him yet. Suzuki hadn’t commented since that first time, so they’d probably forgotten he was there.

It was full of the usual hatred and vitriol. Suzuki picked a thread railing against his and Yamato’s relationship. He scrolled through it for a while, his heart sinking lower and lower until it reached the Earth’s core. They despised the idea of him and Yamato together, whether they were friends or dating.

It can never happen, Suzuki thought. His fans might turn on him.

Suzuki finally closed the thread. Then, because he had no one else to turn to, he texted Jae. Jae was currently in South Korea, visiting family and the other members of his group. Suzuki hoped he wasn’t too busy.

Hey sunbae, Suzuki wrote, do you ever get hate comments?

It didn’t take long for Jae to text back. oh totally. happens all the time.

How do you deal with them?

i try to ignore it. block out the haters

It was good advice. A no-brainer, honestly, if only Suzuki could follow it. have you ever found a whole site that hates you? an anti café?

man don’t tell me you have one of those. you’re a ray of sunshine! how could anyone make a whole anti-café devoted to you?

Idk either. It’s really been getting me down. What should I do?

Jae spent a long time typing. Suzuki watched the little ellipses dance while he waited. Eventually, Jae wrote back, you can always block the site or their comments. it’s nothing to be ashamed of. you don’t owe them anything tbh. if they’re not actually sending you constructive criticism, if all they’re doing is trying to tear you down, then kick ‘em to the curb ㅋㅋㅋ seriously tho, don’t read that stuff. it breaks my heart that anyone could be so mean to my hoobae

T^T you’re the best jae-sunbae, Suzuki replied.

i try 😉 is there anything else i can help with?

Suzuki hesitated. He could trust Jae with anything. But could he trust him with this? Maybe if he was vague, Jae wouldn’t realize who Suzuki was talking about. He took a deep breath and wrote, yeah. Have you ever had a crush on someone who’s like, your friend?

are we talking about yama?

Suzuki nearly dropped his phone. He typed a response with trembling fingers. Haha nooooooo where did you get that idea? I’m talking hypothetically.

sure, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Jae replied. so in this hypothetical situation, is the crusher a j-idol and the crushee a rockstar?

(^◇^；) no…

suzuki literally everyone on the planet thinks you guys are dating. even my mom thinks so.

Suzuki huffed. That doesn’t make it true! he typed. Answer my question: did you ever have a crush on a friend, yes/no?

Again, it took a while for Jae to reply. yep! didn’t work out but hey! it was someone else in the music scene. you know how it is. not that you should get discouraged! you and yamato would be super cute together.

Suzuki blushed. He thought for a while about what he should say. He typed out, do you really think so? what if a lot of people got mad?

you shouldn’t care about what other people think. it’s your personal life.

What if, hypothetically, it’s just one-sided and I ruin our whole friendship?

i doubt it would ruin your friendship, Jae wrote. i’m 99.9% sure yama likes you. have you seen how he looks in your selfies? heart eyes <3

Suzuki’s blush deepened. No way. Jae was just trying to make him feel better. Then again, the duet in the karaoke room gave him a sliver of hope. But that was a performance. They were acting like Damian and Selena.

What about the other 1%? Suzuki wrote.

you doubt my judgment?? look, even if he doesn’t feel that way about you, your friendship won’t tank just because of a little crush. not if it’s real and i think it is.

Okay. Thanks again, sunbae <3 I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.

anytime! it’s good to be home, but i miss everyone over there TT take care of yourself!

Suzuki locked his phone screen and lay down. Talking to Jae had helped, but he still couldn’t bring himself to confess to Yamato. He didn’t understand how Jae could be so confident when his own crush hadn’t worked out. He knew just as well as Suzuki how hard it was for idols to date normally.

Even if Yamato liked me back, I’d get flayed alive. Probably by my manager, too. His manager still hadn’t given him the green light on the vacation. Suzuki was starting to think that was her way of saying no. It might be better if he didn’t go. Hawai’i was a romantic place, right? What if Suzuki got carried away and blurted his feelings? It would defeat the purpose of a relaxing getaway.

I should tell Yamato I can’t come with. Suzuki would do it tomorrow, at school. He’d rip the band-aid off, so to speak, and get it over with. Hopefully Yamato wouldn’t be too disappointed.

Suzuki didn’t get a chance to tell Yamato the next day, because Yamato was suddenly super busy. He was on the phone with someone before class started, and he spent every break scribbling in his notebook. He disappeared during lunch before Suzuki could even ask if they were going to eat together. It wasn’t that strange, really. 3-A was full of students with irregular schedules. For example, Takahiro had taken off for some part-time job earlier.

However, Yamato wasn’t there the next day either, so Suzuki couldn’t tell him then, either. And then Suzuki had to skip a day to spend it in a recording studio. He considered texting Yamato about it, but he would rather tell him in person. It seemed a bit too important not to discuss face-to-face.

Suzuki finally got a chance when he and Yamato both arrived late in the school day. He guessed Yamato must have been recording something as well. He was dressed down from his usual leather jacket and had left out a few piercings. He only did that when he had an early morning session.

“Are you free to walk home today, Yama?” Suzuki asked as they jogged up the stairs to 3-A. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Today’s no good.”

“What about tomorrow morning?”

Yamato shook his head. “Busy. Sorry.”

Suzuki paused. “What’s going on? Are you prepping a new release?”

Yamato didn’t answer. He just kept going. Suzuki stared at his retreating back. What was the big secret? Yamato usually shared any and all details about his projects. He’d been talking about a new song after karaoke. Were the two related, or was this another thing altogether?

What if I made him uncomfortable? Suzuki thought, gripped by terror. Or what if Jae was trying to be helpful and told him I have a crush on him? He knew he was jumping to conclusions. Yamato was busy; that was all. Even so, he felt nervous. Why hadn’t Yamato answered him?

Suzuki investigated Yamato’s fansites. He wasn’t making special appearances anywhere. There were no concert announcements. Not even a rumor of an album release. So what was he doing? He hadn’t walked home with Suzuki or asked him over for a while. They didn’t even have lunch together anymore.

A sick, heavy dread settled in Suzuki’s stomach as he logged onto the anti-café. It got worse. The café was overjoyed.

No suzuyama sightings lately! He finally dropped him!

Heard rumors from school that they’re split up.

Maybe S*zuki will take a hint and stop clinging to Yamato like a puppy

It’d be like kicking a puppy. Suzuki’s mouth went dry. He tossed his phone into his backpack. Did Yamato really see him as a dog, stupidly following him everywhere? He’d played along with the joke that time, but now it stung.

“Romantic troubles?”

Suzuki jumped a foot. Ai was standing right behind him, his quiver slung across his back. He didn’t wait for an invitation to take the empty seat next to Suzuki. Suzuki had thought he’d been alone in this courtyard, but Ai must have had a tracking device implanted in every boy in school.

“I’m not having romantic troubles,” Suzuki lied.

Ai smiled skeptically. “It’s about Yamato, isn’t it?”

Am I really that obvious? Suzuki’s shoulders sagged. “Not you, too.”

“What, is it a secret? Even that nice girl at the café knows.”

Suzuki put his face in his hands. If everyone knew then how could Yamato not? He’s avoiding me, since he realized I’m bad for his image.

Ai patted his knee. “Cheer up! You could do a lot worse than Yamato.”

“Not if he hates me!”

“Why do you think he hates you?”

“He’s been avoiding me,” Suzuki said. “At first, I thought he was working on something, but he wouldn’t tell me anything about it. And don’t say he’s throwing me a surprise party. My birthday isn’t coming up.”

“Hmm, that’s tricky.” Ai rubbed his chin. “He usually shares all his projects with you, right? Maybe he’s seeing someone else?”

Suzuki went cold. He hadn’t considered that possibility. Had Yamato started dating and not told him? No, that couldn’t be. Someone would’ve snapped a picture or started a rumor by now, and the fansites were quiet.

“No.” He shook his head. “He would’ve told me for sure.”

Ai shrugged. “Then he’s probably busy. You shouldn’t get too worked up, Suzuki. Guys like him sometimes have trouble communicating their feelings. He might be focusing so hard that he hasn’t had time to tell you about it. Kurou does the same thing. He gets tunnel-vision when he’s working on a play.”

It made Suzuki feel a little better, but it didn’t inspire confidence. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Yamato was purposefully ducking him.

“Anyway, I’m meeting Sousuke for an archery showdown,” Ai said, standing up. “He’s going to regret challenging me. Are you going to be okay?”

Suzuki nodded. “Thanks for the advice, Ai. Good luck.”

Ai shot him a thumbs-up before he left. Suzuki remained where he was. He didn’t know how long he sat in the courtyard, staring at the flowerbeds. His phone buzzed, snapping him out of it.

It was Yamato. Suzuki had been expecting his manager. His heart thumped rapidly. He opened the message. Hey Suzuki, can you come to the music room?

He was torn. Should he go? Yamato had asked him, but what if it was just to say that they shouldn’t hang out anymore. Or worse, that he didn’t return Suzuki’s feelings, which were apparently so obvious that they could be seen from space? Eventually, Suzuki gathered his courage and went to the music room.

School had finished for the day, so the music room was deserted, except for Yamato and Suzuki. It was quiet. All the clubs were meeting on the other side of Ikemen. Yamato was leaning against the piano, fiddling something. When Suzuki got closer, he realized it was his MP3 player.

“Hey,” Yamato said. He sounded nervous. “Sorry for ghosting you. I was working on an important project.”

A bit of relief crept into Suzuki’s veins. “Really? Why didn’t you just say so?”

Yamato blushed. “Well, uh, it was kind of a surprise. I didn’t know whether it would work out. I, um… here.” He held out the MP3 player. “Listen.”

Suzuki took it. He put an earbud in. There was only one track on the device, untitled. He hit play. A second later, the sound of Yamato’s voice filled his ears. Yamato’s singing voice was wonderful and familiar, but the backing track didn’t sound like his style at all. It sounded more like Suzuki’s music than his, though there was a hint of Yamato there, too. The more Suzuki listened, the more it grew on him. The lyrics were about stars burning bright for centuries, their light stretching across galaxies long after their death, and gazing at the same sky as someone you loved. A lump formed in his throat.

“What do you think?” Yamato asked when Suzuki finished.

“Amazing, like always,” Suzuki said. “Is this going to be on your next album?”

“Actually…” Yamato scuffed the floor. “I was thinking it could be on yours. I wrote it for you to sing, if you want it. I figured it was the least I could do, after you made me that mixtape for my birthday.”

Suzuki couldn’t believe it. Yamato had written him a song. Not just one to listen to, but one to sing. The lump in his throat got bigger. “W-what’s the occasion?” he asked, his voice trembling.

“No reason. I just wanted to do something special, I guess. Do you like it?”

Suzuki nodded vigorously. He couldn’t speak. Before he could stop himself, tears began to flow down his cheeks. I’m so dumb. I thought he was ditching me this whole time, and he was working on a song. For me. He covered his face, but it didn’t stop the noise from escaping. It was like a dam had burst; all of Suzuki’s feelings rushed out in one go.

“What are you crying for?” Yamato asked, gently removing Suzuki’s hands from his face.

Suzuki hiccupped. He was so embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to cry. “I…” he tried to say. “I was afraid you were tired of me.”

Yamato sighed. “I’m not tired of you, Suzu. Have you been paying attention to what those losers online are saying? I told you they’re full of it. Come here.”

�� He folded Suzuki into his arms. Suzuki let out another involuntary sob. He buried his face in Yamato’s shoulder. It was sturdy and strong. His t-shirt was soft. Yamato alternated between patting his back and rubbing circles.

Eventually, Suzuki cried himself out. He stepped back. Yamato let him go, but he kept his hands on Suzuki’s arms. He was looking at him with concern.

“Are you okay?”

Suzuki nodded and sniffed. “I’ll be fine. I didn’t want it to get to me, but I guess…”

“They’re just bitter and pathetic people who have nothing better to do with their time.” Yamato gathered Suzuki’s hands and held them against his chest. “They’re not real. This is. And any fan of mine who talks that way about you isn’t a real fan. If they can’t love you as much as I do, then that’s their problem.”

Suzuki blinked. He wanted to wipe away a few stray tears, but he didn’t want Yamato to let go of him. “You love me?” he asked, half-stunned.

The realization seemed to come over Yamato at the exact same moment. A blush covered his cheeks. “Did I say that?”

“You did.”

“Well… I mean, of course I do. You’re my best friend.” To Suzuki’s dismay, Yamato dropped his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair, disturbing the spikes. “I thought you already knew that.”

“I do now.” Suzuki smiled, trying to mask his disappointment. I shouldn’t be disappointed at all. Yamato’s friendship is super important to me, too. “I love you, too.”

Yamato blushed deeper. “Alright, alright. Let’s not get carried away.”

Suzuki laughed. This was good. He knew now that Yamato wasn’t going to abandon him. They were still friends. They could continue performing together at school. It would be fun. At least I had a chance to say it to him out loud, even if he doesn’t know how much I really mean it.

Suzuki blocked the anti-café. He had to stop using it to punish himself. Besides, he couldn’t forgive them for leading him to believe Yamato didn’t care about him. He made sure to delete his account too, just in case the urge overpowered him, and he lifted the block.

It’s been fun, he thought. He instantly felt better. Things returned to normal. Suzuki approached his manager with Yamato’s song. He leaned heavily on the idea of marketing it as a collaboration and watched as the yen signs appeared in her eyes. After that, she shocked him by giving him permission to go to Hawai’i.

“If the song does well, we’ll find time for a vacation,” she promised. “I couldn’t answer you before, since there was a lot up in the air, but you deserve some time off.”

“And I can go with Yamato?”

“If your schedules line up, I don’t see why not.”

The next morning, he told Yamato by throwing himself into his arms and shouting, “We’re going to Hawai’i!”

“Your manager said yes?” Yamato said, brightening.

Suzuki nodded. “She said that if the collab works out, then I can go with you. As long as we’re free at the same time. Hawai’i, Yama! Hawai’i!”

Yamato actually swung him around the classroom but stopped short when their homeroom teacher gave them a death-glare. Suzuki let go and jumped back.

“Oops. Sorry, sensei.”

“You’d better concentrate on passing your exams before talking about Hawai’i,” the teacher warned. “And don’t do that again. You could’ve knocked over the desks.”

It didn’t bring Suzuki’s mood down at all. He was walking on air. Later, when his and Yama’s managers called about some kind of music industry party, he agreed to go without hesitation. Yamato was a little more reluctant, but he caved when Suzuki said they could go together.

All in all, life was good. Suzuki still wanted to kiss Yamato. He still wanted to hug him as tightly as possible and tell him how he felt, but he couldn’t bear to mess everything up. Why sabotage a good thing? Yamato clearly only thought of him as a friend.

And that was fine. Everything was fine.

Suzuki enjoyed getting dressed up for public appearances. Yamato didn’t. He always looked uncomfortable in suits. Uncomfortable, yet handsome. Suzuki’s heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

“I hate ties,” Yamato muttered, playing with the end of his.

“Then don’t wear one,” Suzuki said. He stepped forward and undid the knot. “It’s a formal party, but no one will care. See, I think you look just fine without it. Undo a couple buttons, and voila! Rock superstar Yamato is red carpet ready!”

Suzuki might have been mistaken, but Yamato appeared flustered. He turned towards the limousine their managers had arranged to drive them to the event and held open the door for Suzuki.

“After you,” he said.

It was after sunset and traffic was bad. Suzuki checked the time. Unless they learned how to teleport, they were going to be late. Oh well, in that case they’d make an even more striking entrance. Suzuki stretched out, putting his feet up on the seat. They were barely moving.

Yamato, meanwhile, was reading something on his phone. Suzuki didn’t know what it was, but it appeared to be irritating him. He kept frowning. Finally, Yamato tossed the phone into the corner and folded his arms. He huffed, a deep furrow forming between his eyebrows. Suzuki was torn between laughing at his grumpiness and wanting to comfort him.

“What’s up, Yama-kun?” Suzuki asked.

“Oh, it’s…” He stopped, turning pink. “It’s stupid.”

“You did something stupid?” Suzuki knew he sounded a bit too eager, but he couldn’t help it. He was dying to know.

Yamato rolled his eyes. “Yes, actually.”

“Are you going to tell me about it or am I going to have to tickle you for information?” Suzuki wiggled his fingers to demonstrate.

“Don’t!” Yamato pulled his legs up onto the seat, as if to shield himself from Suzuki’s attack. “Jesus, Suzuki we’re in public.”

“No, we’re not. The windows are tinted and the partition’s up. Now tell me what made you so mad.”

Yamato relaxed. He retrieved his phone—which was undamaged—and passed it to Suzuki. Suzuki’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing: an anti-Yamato fansite. For a few seconds, he just stared at it. Then he began to actually process the words he was looking at.

Yamato’s style totally clashes with Suzuki’s. Don’t know why they’re friends.

Do u remember when he was talking about how “””fake””” Zuzu is? He said in a press conference that ur not a real artist if u don’t write and produce ur own songs. What a snob. Did he ever apologize for that?

Suzuki laughed out loud. He glanced at Yamato. “They have a point. Did you ever apologize to me?”

“It’s not funny.”

“It is!” Suzuki kept scrolling. “This whole time you were telling me not to pay attention to the haters and you didn’t even follow your own advice. Aww, Yama, don’t feel bad. Wait a minute.”

There was a new reply to one of the comments by a user named, “st4rpower826.”

Do you guys ever get tired of talking trash behind the safety of your computer screens? Why don’t you say this stuff to Suzuki’s face and see how he takes it. Last I heard, he and Yamato were still really close. He doesn’t get mad until you insult his friends. If you actually cared about him, you wouldn’t do this.

It had a bunch of negative replies. Suzuki looked at Yamato again. Yamato was chewing on his lip.

“Is this you?” Suzuki asked, pointing at the screen.

“That could be anyone.”

“It’s you! You made an account!” Suzuki grabbed Yamato’s shoulder and shook it. He was laughing uncontrollably now. “You made an account so you could fight with them! Oh my God. That’s my birthday in your username!”

Yamato’s ears were growing steadily redder. “You have to make an account to read the message boards,” he muttered. “You know that. Someone was going to come along and tell them off eventually. Might as well be me.”

“How did you get that username? That’s, like, a prime fandom username. When I went on the anti-Suzuki boards, YamaFan#1 was taken.”

“No one else spelled with a four for the A.”

Suzuki was still giggling. He continued scrolling. “How long did you have this?”

“I went searching for one about me the same night you went on yours. I was curious.” Yamato smiled sheepishly. “I could take all the garbage they spewed about me but when they started throwing you into the mix, I got really upset. So I fought back. Didn’t do much good though.”

“These people say we’re so different, but we actually have lots in common, huh?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh, here’s a familiar one: ‘Suzuki is friends with Yamato for fanservice. Yamato wouldn’t be as popular if people didn’t think he was gay for Suzuki.’ People were saying the same stuff on my anti-site.”

Yamato’s blush had spread down his neck. “They’re crazy.”

“I know.” Suzuki turned the screen off. “You shouldn’t get into fights with people online, even if they are being jerks. We know the truth.”

Yamato nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, it was really stupid, but I started to get scared that they might be right. Just for a second. Seeing all that old stuff I said made me wonder if you were still angry with me, and you were pretending not to hate me for the sake of getting along.”

“I don’t hate you, Yama.” Suzuki kneaded Yamato’s shoulder. “I’ve always thought you were cool, even when you were criticizing me. I could never hate you. Do you wanna know why?”

“Sure,” Yamato said, his lips quirking into a smile.

Suzuki kissed him. His heart was pounding a mile a minute, but he had never felt more sure of anything in his life before. The hand on Yamato’s shoulder was steady. When he pulled away, Yamato was staring at him, his eyes huge.

“It’s because I love you,” Suzuki said. And because he couldn’t help it, he winked.

The words were barely out of his mouth before Yamato returned the kiss. It took Suzuki by surprise, almost knocking him backward. He managed to hold himself up by catching hold of Yamato’s other shoulder. The realization that Yamato was kissing him sank in about two seconds later. Suzuki’s imagination had been lacking. Actually kissing Yamato was better than anything he could’ve dreamed up.

Yamato was holding him, one hand braced against the small of Suzuki’s back, the other cupping his chin. His mouth was soft and smooth and warm. Suzuki tasted a hint of lip balm. He leaned into the kiss, following Yamato’s movements. Then, Yamato pulled Suzuki onto his lap. Both hands slid to Suzuki’s hips.

“Suzuki,” Yamato breathed.

“What?”

“I don’t want to go to this party. Do you?”

Suzuki didn’t have to think about it. “No.”

He gave Yamato another lingering kiss as he got off his lap, then went to knock on the partition. It rolled down about halfway. Suzuki held up a hand in apology.

“Sorry,” he said, “but could you take us back to Yamato’s place?”

The next morning was strange. After they’d been dropped off at Yamato’s house, he and Suzuki had spent the rest of the night watching movies and making out. When they were too tired to keep their eyes open a second longer, Yamato let Suzuki borrow a t-shirt and pair of pajama pants, and they had fallen asleep in his room.

Suzuki woke up thinking last night had been a dream. He wasn’t surprised by coming to in Yamato’s room. (They had sleepovers all the time.) What reminded him that it was real was feeling the weight of Yamato’s arm around him. Suzuki bit back a fresh fit of giggles. He couldn’t believe it. He had kissed Yamato last night. Yamato had kissed him back.

Yamato stirred and lifted his head. It seemed to take him a minute as well. Then he smiled. He kissed Suzuki’s cheek. “Good morning,” he said softly.

“Good morning,” Suzuki repeated. He wondered if they could get away with staying in bed all day. Their phones had been blowing up all night, to the point where they’d set them to silent and left them in the living room.

Yamato groped for his alarm clock. “It’s almost noon.”

“My manager is probably going crazy right now because I didn’t show up.” He laughed at that. She was going to kill him later, but there were other things on his mind right now. “Is there anything important going on today?”

“No. There’s just you.” Yamato nestled himself against Suzuki again.

“We can stay in today,” Suzuki suggested. “We’ll play video games and make pancakes.”

“And make out,” Yamato added. He stuck his tongue out and wiggled it around.

Suzuki slapped his hand over Yamato’s mouth, laughing helplessly. “Gross! Don’t do that. You’re not a member of KISS.”

Yamato laughed as well. He let go of Suzuki and rolled out of bed. “Come on. I’ll make you pancakes. I bought blueberries.”

The apartment complex was quiet. Everyone was either sleeping in or out. Suzuki helped Yamato get out the mixing bowl and the skillet. There were, in fact, blueberries in the fridge. (Suzuki may have helped himself to a few before putting some in the batter.) Yamato started a pot of coffee, promising Suzuki that he still had the French vanilla creamer he liked.

While they were waiting to flip the first pancake, Suzuki decided to bring up the question that had been on his mind since he’d gotten out of bed. “So… are we boyfriends now?”

To his credit, Yamato wasn’t caught off-guard, though he did hesitate. “I don’t know. I want to be,” he said. “Things are different for us.”

“I’d be fine dating you in secret. Plenty of celebrities do it.”

“Me too, but I don’t know how long we could keep it up. There’s a lot of stress involved.” Yamato did the flip. It was clean. He passed the spatula to Suzuki. “It would definitely make some of our fans happy.”

Suzuki grinned. “Maybe that’s how we should justify it to our managers.”

“Yikes,” Yamato said. “Honestly, I don’t want to think about it right now. I just want to eat and destroy you at Mario Kart again. We can talk about the serious stuff later.”

“Can’t you go easy on me?” Suzuki whined. “I’m your boyfriend.”

“What makes you think I’d go easy on you just because we’re dating now? I never let you win when we were friends and that’s not going to change now.”

“You’re so mean.” Suzuki pulled his eyelid and stuck out his tongue. “Yama-kun’s a bad boyfriend. I’m gonna tell the whole world, so no one will steal you from me.”

Yamato laughed. He put an arm around Suzuki’s waist and brought him in for a kiss. “No one could steal me from you,” he said when they separated. “I love you.”

Suzuki put his head on Yamato’s shoulder. Life was good. The world might as well be limited to this small kitchen. To him and Yamato, and no one else. “Love you, too.”

#notice me senpai #skillshot labs #fanfic #oneshot #fluff #light angst

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curewhimsy · 6 years

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Dream Palace Summary

Dream Palace is an upcoming story about what I dream about at night. Dreams are surreal, magical, funny, and often scary, just like this story. My OC, Pastell Rain, will be playing the role of me!

Each chapter or so, Pastell gets a new crush on an adult woman who’s way out of her league. It always ends when Pastell realizes they already have someone!

Pastell is only 14 in this story, and in 10th grade. Usually in my dreams, I’m a kid who goes to school or summer camp.

Pastell may also switch to her 20-year-old form as well, if she does end up with one of her 18+ adult crushes. This is to make it less creepy and awkward.

But given the nature of the story, Pastell may not end up with any of her crushes anyway.

This story takes place in an alternate version of Whimsica that exists in the Realm of Dreams.

Kimi, nicknamed “Missouri”, is an imaginary friend I dreamed of as a child. Why her name is Missouri, nobody knows.

The story starts on a dark, rainy morning. Pastell is on the school bus with Missouri. The school bus is old and beat up.

Along with Pastell, two obnoxious boys are on the bus. Their names are Inky and Marker. They might be dating, who knows.

Then all of a sudden, the bus goes through a roller coaster. Roller coasters are recurring subjects in my dreams and often they take me to school. They’re never fun in the dreams, they’re only scary and make me nauseous.

Pastell talks to a girl named Bess, but doesn’t make friends with her because Pastell is awkward. Bess as a character is a homage to my grandmother who passed away during my childhood.

Pastell has to go to gym class. For some reason we’re running laps at the mall. Except the mall is scary and filled with booby traps. And suddenly Pastell starts running very slowly, because in dreams you just can’t seem to run fast.

Pastell pops into a peculiar shop and she finds a pretty scepter that catches her eye. She gets it for free because she shop couldn’t seem to sell it, and it was bringing them bad luck.

Little did she know, the scepter was magic.

At lunch time, there was no more mac and cheese, so Pastell had to get the icky pizza that was greasy and looked like it had pimples (and tasted like it too.)

The lunch lady always yelled and cooked her food in a giant volcano. As dessert, Pastell got lava cookies. She sits next to Missouri, Bess, Camille, Inky, Marker, and... Claudia! Her love!

Claudia had beautiful coral-colored hair that elegantly cascaded down her neck and back and... gee. Maybe I said too much.

Then, Pastell has boring economy class with boring Mr. Oguchi. He was so boring that after listening to him for 2 seconds, he’d sound like an adult from “Peanuts”.

Oguchi meant “small mouth” in Japanese, but Ooguchi, with an elongated “o” sound, meant big mouth. Everyone called him Mr. Bigmouth, along with his obnoxious son, Renta Oguchi.

Next, Pastell has math class. She can’t find the room in her school, because in dreams, you’re always lost and have anxiety. Or is that just me? At least Pastell had the class with Claudia, which is strange because Claudia is 24 and Pastell is 14...

Pastell runs into the strict teacher Ms. Dolce (Aria) who leads her back to class. Pastell befriends Bess.

Marker runs out of the room gagging because he ate pizza from the gym floor and got sick. Newsflash, he’s going to do this a lot. That’s called a “running gag”. But this time, it’s literal.

Now Inky is sad because Marker had is sick and isn’t there anymore. Those guys are always together. He starts howling at the moon.

Then, Ms. Scherzando (Octavia), the fun teacher, walks in the room and tells the class they were having a pop field trip, which was kind of like a pop quiz except it was a field trip.

It turns out that the field trip was a cruise to the islands near Whimsica’s equator. And it’s required.

Pastell’s overprotective parents go with her.

As the bus goes to the cruise port, it goes through another roller coaster. Marker comes back because his stomach ache is gone, and Inky hugs him and have a very touching moment. Ms. Dolce rolls her eyes, to hide the fact she was crying.

Also, I took my cat Scout with me on the cruise.

A wave crashes through the window on our cruise room so Pastell goes for an outing.

Missouri and Pastell go to the book store.

That evening, Pastell is on the pool deck again. Claudia sits down next to Pastell and says hello. Pastell suddenly can’t talk right, because sometimes in dreams I can’t talk.

Suddenly Claudia suggests she and Pastell play hide-and-seek. Pastell agrees, but wishes Claudia suggested a game where they can spend time together.

Claudia hides, but then Pastell can’t find her. She suddenly dons an explorer’s hat and an epic adventure soundtrack, and decides to search the whole 27-floor ship through. Too bad Pastell is afraid of everything.

On one floor, floor 22, there’s no electricity and Pastell sees a ghost. She runs and curls into a ball, accepting her fate, when suddenly Bianca shows up and Pastell feels like she’s saved.

There’s a flashback of how Pastell and Bianca meet.

During dodgeball, Bianca protected Pastell from a ball to the face by running in front of her and blocking the ball. Afterwards, Bianca shyly goes up to Pastell asking to be friends. Before she can let it out, a dodgeball hits her in the back and she starts crying. Pastell takes her to the nurse’s office.

It turns out Bianca went to floor 22 whenever she could, to feed the ghosts. Pastell asks if they eat souls. Bianca says no, it turns out that the ghosts eat candy! The ghosts are glowing and squishy-looking and had no legs. Pastell realizes they’re kind of cute.

Pastell realizes that Missouri’s ballet recital is coming up, and she has to find Claudia quick.

They go to a number of other weird floors.

On floor 20, there’s a place that looked like a dream land. There’s a rainbow bridge, a floating pink cookie to ride on, and a swimming pool filled with clear soda.

Pastell and Bianca meet Joy on this floor, which she said was her secret floor.

Pastell and the others decide to just go to Missouri’s dance recital.

In Pastell’s room, her mom starts showing Bianca and Joy her embarrassing baby pictures and telling the, her embarrassing secrets.

During the ballet recital, there was a Cinderella play. Cinderella was played by Reina and the prince was... Claudia!?

Then at the end, Reina and Claudia kiss, and Pastell feels her chance to be with Claudia slip away.

Afterwards, Pastell, Missouri, Joy, Bianca, Bess, Camille, Claudia, and Reina hang out at a restaurant on the cruise ship. They go outside and night and see a gigantic moon in the night sky with a huge terrifying face. (Which is kind of like the moon from Zelda: Majora’s Mask.)

Though scared, they decide to ignore the strange object in the sky and have a big sleepover in a Pastell’s room!

Going to her room, there are two kids in the hallway. One kid says “Put it in the elegant cup.” The other kid says “You mean the elephant cup?”

The next day, there’s swim lessons at the resort. The moon in the sky is a little bit bigger, hinting in on impending doom...

There’s a huge pool that’s around 20 feet deep. Pastell tries to improve her swimming, when she comes across a girl who can swim and dive very well. Her name is Lucille White and she becomes Pastell’s new crush! Now Pastell wants to improve her swimming to impress her senpai.

Then there’s locker room antics with Lucille and her girlfriend (unknown to Pastell), Iris. I guess you can call it ecchi but with adult characters only. Things get a little PG-13. Hey, I sometimes dream about this stuff. Gotta keep it true to my dreams.)

Next day, the ship stops at an island. We take a long walk down an island path, and then take a boat ride. During the boat ride, Bianca’s friend Pepper’s head gets knocked off. She’s still alive, only headless. We now have to look for her head.

Eventually Pastell catches Lucille and Iris kissing, thus ending her second love.

That night, they stay at a sea hotel that rises out of the ocean. There’s purple dolphins, and that scary moon in the sky is even bigger.

Also staying at the hotel, is our favorite monster-fighting marine biologist, Rhona Aequor. Pastell wakes up in the middle of the night and takes a walk since she can’t sleep. She sees Rhona fight a monster outside and falls in love. When she realizes how much she knows about marine life, she falls in love even more!

The next day, the terrifying moon is EVEN BIGGER in the sky. Everyone plays video games together to distract themselves, but then the video game gives us a prophecy that the moon the end the world. It then tells us that we can save it with a scepter and some courage. Remember the scepter Pastell got at the beginning of the story?

Then, with a goal of somehow saving the world, Pastell and friends end up at a tall tower on the top of a mountain where we can somehow combat the moon if it falls any closer. A bunch of strong wizards have gathered around and even their spells can’t affect it.

Pastell feels like she can’t do it, but then Camille starts giving a speech about believing in oneself. It gets so dramatic, that she starts playing the electric guitar in the middle of the speech. Camille says that she just believed she could play the guitar, and now suddenly she could.

You can do anything if you try. Too bad the moon is going to fall in about 30 seconds.

Then suddenly, by believing in herself, Bianca stops the moon right in her tracks, just by believing in herself!

Pastell starts chanting randomness and gains the ability to fly over the moon, and with her magic scepter, she shatters it. The moon is like a giant piñata and it rains stuffed animals as Pastell falls with them back to the ground.

Camille, who was playing the electric guitar, provides the climatic music for the scene.

Then, to celebrate, the next day everyone hangs out at a huge water park. They party until night, by then, someone dumped hot dogs in the main pool (probably either Inky or Marker), so Pastell goes to the hot tub. Then, she sees Rhona! Pastell tells Rhona that she admires her bravery, and she was part of the inspiration Pastell had to become strong and to shatter the moon. Rhona praises Pastell and they bond. But suddenly, Rhona’s girlfriend, Nagisa comes in, and start making out in front of Pastell.

Oh no! Pastell’s third love is also unattainable.

The next day, we go to the island’s airport in order to fly back home. The airport is huge and everyone gets lost. There’s a lot of stores and gift shops there, however, and everyone has a shopping spree.

Pastell as to say goodbye to Rhona and Nagisa, and go back to daily school life.

Instead of a plane taking us home, there’s actually a big hot air balloon. And how do we get to it? Through another roller-coaster.

After we return home, we learn that a Dissonance is opening up near our home. A Dissonance is like a Mystery Dungeon from PMD. It’s like a cursed labyrinth that doesn’t have a fixed interior. It’s maze always changes, and once you find yourself in one, it’s possible to be lost for days.

The Dissonance already claimed lives. It’s named Tragic Woods.

It turns out that Pastell didn’t go to one of her classes for a month, and she fails that class. She has overdue books from the school library. Then she fails a test, gets last place on an art contest, and missed an assignment. Pastell gets sad because of her bad day and goes to the school’s counselor to talk. Except now the school is huge and 69 stories high for some reason. Yes, 69.

That night Pastell watches magical girl anime with her friends and sleeps over.

The next day is fairly normal, but still wacky, because this IS based on my dreams. Pastell and her family go shopping and see a bunch of giant stuffed animals at the store. Then Pastell accidentally flies in someone’s big pot of lasagna. It took them three days to make that lasagna.

Pastell runs away and discovers a secret room behind the grocery store where there’s a lot of video games, and if you win, you get stuffed animal prizes.

That night, we get introduced to Sumi. She and Reina end up getting stuck at the bottom of a strangely placed slope in the grocery store. They argue a lot at first, but then Reina ends up seeing that Sumi has a dream in life. Reina sacrifices herself so that Sumi can get out, because only one person was able to get out. Reina wants Sumi to be able to fulfill her dreams, because Reina is a pessimist with no dreams and thinks Sumi deserves to live more than she does. Reina has to stay at the bottom of the slope, possibly until her death. This is a tearful parting and sacrifice.

Then, Reina just anticlimactically gets found by a worker the next morning and gets saved.

The next night, there’s a chorus recital. Since when was Pastell in chorus, anyway? Well, for now, she’s stuck in a storage room while the performance is going to start. Pastell is only able to get out by pretending she is Mario and jumping out of the small exit.

Then, Pastell gets to become a school idol. She forms a group of nine. The group is Pastell, Bianca, Joy, Camille, Missouri, Bess, Ruby, Emi, and Connie.

While they’re practicing in a parking lot at night, one of the cars goes haywire. It starts spinning around erratically and bumping into everything. Everyone runs away, because the car could potentially run them over. It becomes known as the “Killer Car of Tragic Woods”, even though it never is physically inside the Dissonance, but rather in the surrounding town of Mushroom Forest. Now, there’s an erratic killer car that could potentially be anywhere in town and could run you over if you’re not paying attention. Everyone now has to avoid being alone, and has to keep a lookout for the car before it kills them.

Eventually, the car gets in the school library while Pastell is there. Pastell panics and climbs the bookshelf to stay safe. Then, she goes to the Chinese restaurant (possibly the Meng family’s restaurant from the other story), and the car follows her there.

Pastell runs away from the car and ends up in the expanding Tragic Woods. Pastell is now lost all alone in a Dissonance. She’s terrified and this is her first time being in one. There’s monsters in there.

Suddenly, she is saved by a monster-hunting princess named Celestine, who’s going to be Pastell’s fourth love...

Celestine then gives Pastell an Escape Orb. Basically it lets her escape from the Dissonance by going high in the air. Pastell ends up going over all the trees, to high altitude. By then, it’s night. She then falls all the way to Earth, being so high up she can see the sun rising from the other side of the world.

Pastell hits the water, causes a tsunami of a splash, and goes down under at least 300 feet. She “dies” and somehow wakes up in the nurse’s office and got told she had surgery.

Pastell doesn’t know how much of that scenario was a dream, or if it even was a dream at all. And if it was a dream, then when exactly did it start?

This causes a mystery. Is Celestine even real? Pastell’s fourth love could just be a figment of her imagination...

That night Pastell is in her backyard and she drops her iPad and it rolls away into the woods. (How an iPad can roll, I don’t know.)

She runs after it in the woods until it falls in a giant drain pipe. Pastell goes in the drain pipe as well to retrieve her precious iPad. But the drain pipe leads to some sort of dark maze and the only quick way out is through a roller coaster. A dark, scary, creaky, old, one-person roller-coaster.

Pastell is terrified but rides it anyway. She comes out in the middle of the polluted, industrial city. Great, now she’s lost again. Then she meets an elf named Alvarina who is also lost. They have an adventure together to get out of the industrial city, that involves riding a giant chicken. There’s still the danger of The Car, however, which could be anywhere. Pastell falls in love with Alvarina, who is a beautiful singer and very pretty.

Eventually, Pastell finds out that Celestine is real. But get this, she’s dating Alvarina!

Her fourth AND fifth loves are now over too!

And, that’s all I have for now.

#my writing #dream palace #whimsica #pastell rain #pastell’s Dream diary #life of pastell

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clown-bait · 7 years

Text

Apologies (Monster Roommate AU)

So to continue my holiday mini fics for the AU heres the next one in the series! Pennywise gets in trouble and gets the silent treatment. He doesn't handle it well. On a side note I had a BLAST writing this especially the second part and Leech’s temper tantrum at work. I’ve been wanting to show her at the bar for some time now and get more of the Sawyer brothers in there! Also Penny making missing posters with sad faces drawn all over them in an attempt to be an adorable little shit.

Pennywise Sucks at Apologies

“Who ever is playing as “trashpire” is losing badly.” Penny plopped on the couch between Freddy and Leech.

“Wow thanks for the encouragement.” Leech grumbled as Freddy stabbed her character again. The demon was himself in the game of course, playing it somehow on the stupid Nintendo power glove. Leech put the controller down and packed another bowl in a huff.

“Aww giving up so soon bloodsucker?”

“You know its not fair when you use demon magic to win. Hey Penny sweetie, help me out here do that thing you do with the tv.” she picked the controller up after taking a hit from the colorful pipe.

Pennywise growled “I am a timeless ancient evil not something you can use to cheat on video games.”

“It's not cheating if Freddy’s cheating too.”

Penny playfully covered her face with his hand causing Leech to lose once again. The clown cackled at her protest continuing to mess with her vision. Leech finally got fed up and bit down on his thumb. Pennywise growled with mock anger and the vampire released him peppering little kisses on the wound.

“Ugh can you guys take a break today? I don't want to deal with Vorhees trying to break in” Freddy scooted over as far away from the couple as possible.

“Is he at it again? Man I bet that asshole was way better when he didn't talk” Leech remembered the first time she had run into Jason and how obnoxious he was.

“Nah, He was still an asshole” Freddy grumbled taking a hit from the pipe.

“Speaking of silent giant assholes, you know who absolutely freaks me out?”

“Me?” Penny grinned proudly

“Haha you wish. You're a giant asshole for sure but you aint quiet love. No its Michael Myers, I ran into him in the store the other night and the guy just stood there silently in the middle of the aisle like he was trying to decide he wanted to stab me in the throat or not.”

Penny's face twisted into that of pure offense. HOW DARE she think someone else was scarier than HIM. HIM the eater of worlds! The master of FEAR ITSELF. Pennywise felt his eye twitch and drift apart.

“Mikey is a total jerk man, he has this high and mighty attitude. Just because you don't say anything doesn't make you the scarier monster.” Freddy let out a puff of smoke while handing the pipe to the vampire who took a long hit.

“Pfft you're the opposite end of the spectrum Fred, maybe take a page out of Myers book sometime and shut up” she passed the pipe back across Penny’s lap, who was eerily still, to the dream demon.

“Nonsense, the ladies love a chatty killer! Right clown?…Clown?…Earth to Jingles?”

Penny's eyes had rolled completely to opposite sides of his face.

“You ok Pen?” Leech waved a hand in front of his face. The clown snapped to life with a roar and his jaws extended like a goblin shark biting onto her wrist. “OW HEY WHAT THE HELL” she slapped him on the back of the head. Pennywise let go, quickly grabbing her shoulders and sniffing frantically. “Were you scared???” he asked still sniffing her “NO I'm fucking pissed off what the shit Penny!?”

“Y-you weren't scared? Not even a little?” wait was he worried?

“Looks like you're losing your edge clown! Mikey is the one who scares your girl now!” Freddy laughed and Leech threw a dusty old pillow at him.

“Kruger!!” she hissed.

Penny got up and made his way towards the well his face expressionless.

“Oooooh boy I can already tell this is going to become a thing with him.”

“Shouldn’t have said that Ol’ Mikey is the one who really gets the adrenaline pumping then!”

“Ugh don't say it like that. I don't even think he's that attractive. He wears a William Shatner mask for fucks sake”

“I'm going to tell him you said that next time I see him!”

“DONT”

“Awwww whats the matter? S-s-s-scared Mike’s gonna come get ya?!” Freddy cackled

“I will pay you not to Fred, I'm dead serious”

“Now I know what to put in your nightmares tonight!”

“You wouldn’t”

“The clown’s off having an existential crisis you're fair game bloodsucker!”

“Are you just being a sore loser because I beat you in guitar hero? I won fair and square its not my fault you don't know all the songs.”

Freddy got up and tipped his hat to her “See you in your dreams scaredy cat”

like an evil Santa he was gone.

Leech sat alone in her room trying her hardest not to fall asleep knowing that Freddy would continue to mess with her more. She suddenly wished she could lucid dream so she could just punch him in the face next time he popped up. The vampire rolled over onto her back. “Maybe if I ate something?” she thought aloud but that would require getting up and going out. She settled on reading pulling out a book she had got from the library on Derry’s history. She liked knowing about Penny’s past exploits since he was always so cryptic with her when she asked. Plus morbid stuff was interesting.

She was on a bit about an Easter explosion, over 100 children dead at the old iron works. She chuckled to herself “Man this must have been like Christmas come early for him” she kept reading recognizing his circus cart in one picture and she started wondering to herself how the hell did Penny get that down into the sewer. Her light began to flicker and Leech groaned knowing she’d have to get up and change the bulb. Stupid old house with its stupid shotty wiring. The light completely fizzed out without warning “Just my luck” she snarled grabbing a flashlight. When she turned it on she noticed something at the foot of her bed. No, someone. She brought the light up and saw the bloody stain on the figures shirt then finally to its face. It was a child. A dead one. The child spoke softly “Hello Leech wont you come play with us!” her face slowly began to decay. Leech sat back and continued to watch the show. The ghost girl floated up and landed so she was standing on Leech’s stomach. It crouched down so it was in her face.

“Come play with us!!” It roared.

“Spooky, Like the decay it’s a nice touch.”

The ghost frowned and then opened its jaws showing millions of teeth. Its tongue snaked out holding a small silver crucifix. Leech hissed at it in anger and the charm melted, sliver splashing onto her chest causing smoke to rise from her skin. She screamed in pain and the ghost realizing it messed up began frantically trying to wipe it off her. Leech’s skin began to burn and suddenly her tank top had caught fire from the heat. The ghost became the clown, who tore the burning fabric off of his mate stomping out the flames with his large boots. Penny noticing her skin was lighting on fire now, scooped her up and ran to the bathroom tossing her in the shower and turning it on.

She was soaked her favorite sleeping shirt was ruined and there was awkward burns on her boobs. Pennywise was in DEEP trouble.

“Penny…… why the FUCK did you use an actual silver crucifix to try to scare me?!”

“I-I..um did it work?”

“WHAT DO YOU THINK DO I LOOK SCARED TO YOU?”

“Maybe the fire did alit-”

“SHUT UP. I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT UP TO HER WITH YOU TONIGHT! get me a FUCKING towel and get the FUCK out” she screamed she had never gotten this mad at him before.

“You cant kick me out I own this house.”

“OUT”

The clown vanished quickly reappearing on the couch down stairs. Where he placed his giant gloved hands over his face. She’ll be back she always calls for him to come back. Any minute now….

————

A few hours had passed and Penny was messing with Freddy and Leech’s video game trying to scare kids up way too late through their screens. She hadn't called for him back.

“Someone’s been banished to the cooouuucchh!” Chucky sang from the doorway.

“I swear if you say any more words doll…”

“Heard the screaming awhile ago what did you do? It has to be good to get kicked out of the bedroom”

The clown sighed. “I tried to scare her and I accidentally set her on fire.”

“Holy shit!” Chucky cackled “thats amazing! I cant believe you fucked up that bad Jingles!”

“Wonderful.” Penny grumbled

“Don’t sweat it clown, she’ll be begging for you back in no time. You just have to be real nice for a few days, which I know is hard for you…”

“Whats the use, my mate hates me and I'm not scary anymore.” the clown moped his head sinking low.

“Pfft yeah Kruger told me she had a freaky run in with Meyers. Whats the matter losing your edge?”

“I’m not talking about this.”

“Cheer up Jingles like I said she’ll be begging for you back eventually. Bring her some gifts or somethin. Fancy chocolate chicks like that.”

“She cant eat chocolate she’s a vampire.”

“Uuuhh one of those silver charm bracelets? I stole Tiff one last week when I was in trouble for leaving that stiff on the new rug.”

“Just found out silver lights her on- wait….that was you?”

“I cleaned it up!”

“Barely.” the clown crossed his arms and rolled over on the couch.

“Look that girls crazy about you, she’ll be hollering your name again soon Jingles. I'm telling ya makeup sex is the best!”

Penny rubbed his temples. He was not in the mood to talk about this.

“Did you at least say you were sorry?”

“No. When have I ever had to say that. I don't grovel at her feet and beg like a dog.”

“HAHAHAHA oh man your funeral buddy.”

Pennywise rolled onto his back and dramatically sunk into a crack in the couch. The last thing he heard was the doll shouting some useless romantic advice about dishes before he was back in his nest in the sewer.

————

It had been a full morning with no Pennywise breathing down Leech’s neck. Usually he’d play his own little games with her. Trying to distract her while she poured her breakfast in her favorite mug, leaving dirty suggestive things on her morning crosswords. His favorite game was trying to convince her not to go to work. He was very persuasive. This morning though the clown was completely absent, it was almost nice actually to finally have some space. Leech was able to go through her whole morning routine with no interruptions. It was going to be such a relaxing day. The vampire was thankful she had taken the day shift it was always slower and easier she was able to mingle with the customers more and pick better tasting victims for later. She’d forgive Penny tomorrow. Leech was going to enjoy her day off from him.

Today two young men walked into the bar they looked rugged and well built the type that would spend a lot of time outdoors. Chop-Top elbowed the newest waitress when he caught Leech staring at the lean body of one of the guys, the cannibal whispered something to the new girl and laughed. Penny would be pissed if he saw her right now and Leech smiled at the thought spinning a glass a bit just to show off. Oh he would be seething mad, but he deserves it after the way he'd been acting. The men left her a nice tip and the one she’d been eyeing gave her a grin as he left. He'd make a nice snack later. Chop-Top leaned against the bar “You're going to be in so much trouble” he laughed knowing how jealous his coworkers lover tended to get.

“I'm allowed to look, besides he deserves a kick in the ass. Penny’s been a huge jerk lately.”

Chop-Top scratched the metal plate under his 60s era wig as Leatherface came out of the kitchen “Hey big guy it’s a slow day mind if I take off early? We got plenty of burgers stored up from that last big weekend” Leech asked. Leatherface nodded and patted the vampires head Leech grinned “Thanks boss!” the giant leaned down and placed a hand on her shoulder looking at where the two men sat in concern “Don't worry Bubba, Pen and I are solid I'm just messing with him for setting me on fire last night”

“What happened unfortunate juggling accident?” Leatherface’s eccentric brother twirled on a bar stool with laughter and the pretty new girl came over to the bar. She was one of the local werewolves and the only one Leech tolerated…..Tolerated is a strong word it was more she was contractually obligated to not start any more fights. “You got set on fire?”

“Yes Sandy I got set on fire. You didn't notice the burns on my cleavage?” Leech rolled her eyes. this bitch talks too much.

“What cleavage?” Chop-Top joked and Leech pushed him off the stool hard.

“My new boyfriend would never do that to me! He’s such a great guy!! Don't know why you put up with that kind of behavior that clown has”

“Gee Sandy! Maybe its because I actually love him and don't plan on dumping him in two weeks. You ever try that? I know its hard for you dogs to not hump the leg of everything you see” Leech muttered after turning away from the werewolf.

“What was that?” Sandy asked.

Leatherface and Chop-Top both began pointing frantically at the employee rules behind the bar. There was a new one scribbled in red marker at the bottom saying “NO MORE BLOOD-FEUDS” the vampire groaned.

“I mean um he’s an acquired taste. You get used to it.”

“I’ll say, must be so obnoxious with all that circus shit all the time. What a fucking weirdo…Oh and those bells and that shakey high pitched voice ugh”

“I. Like. The. Circus. Shit.” the nosferatu spat her fake smile beginning to crack. No one puts Penny down but her.

“it'd drive me crazy to date a guy who wore more make up than me.”

“HIS MAKEUP IS PERFECT AND HIS VOICE IS LIKE HONEY! Shut your whore mouth! I love my clown!!” the vampire roared claws scraping into the bar.

Leatherface practically threw the rule board at Leech. “She started it!”

“Your shifts over Leech, go home and no fighting” Chop-Top pushed the vampire out the door.

“FINE!” she got on her bike and rode off.

————-

It didn't help that everything reminded her of him. Leech wanted to head straight into the nearest storm drain after that incident and forgive him just so she could feel those long arms wrap around her. She was still mad at him though, and like a child he wouldn't learn his lesson unless she stuck to her guns and gave him the silent treatment. What made it hard was the clown’s presence seemed to be EVERYWHERE today. He was probably doing this on purpose so she’d forgive him faster.”That little shit.” Leech thought to herself when she saw a missing poster with her face on it. She pulled it off the wall and read it

Missing: you

24 years old

Last seen yelling at a sweet innocent clown

description: big ears, sharp teeth and bald. Cutest vampire you'll ever see!

If found please return to the nearest sewer opening or sad lonely clown. :o(

Leech rolled her eyes at the sad faced balloon crudely drawn in the corner. “You think you can win me over by being cute you need to try harder Penny” fuck he's making this difficult for her.

She folded the paper and put it in her bag. Leech tried her best to avoid every red balloon tied to almost all the street signs she came across. Somehow she ended up in the park and the vampire decided to sit in the shadiest area she could find to avoid dealing with her clown problem at home. Leech felt the familiar cramp of hunger begin to build, tearing at her insides till she could no longer ignore it. She decided to look around the crowd for someone who wouldn't be missed.

Her sensitive hearing picked up the sound of a couple local bullies shoving a kid against a tree off in the woods. This will work. The nosferatu crept into some bushes and waited for the boys to stop their tormenting. As she waited the smell of cotton candy and blood drifted into her nose. Oh great. She looked over and Pennywise was crouched in hunting mode diagonal from her. Of course he was here, that poor boy being pushed into the tree was terrified. “I’ll just take my food and go don't even talk to him…he’s probably after the kid anyway not the teens.” she thought to herself. The vampire moved closer and a twig snapped under her knee. “SHIT” she whispered then quickly covered her mouth, the poor nosferatu was still making all kinds of rookie mistakes. The teens let go of the boy who ran out of the woods and she saw the mess of orange hair snap in her direction. “Fantastic now were both mad at each other.” she rolled her eyes.

“W-whos there?” one of the boys asked. Leech sighed and shot a claw out from her bush to drag him back into it with horrifying speed while he screamed. The other boy jumped back shrieking and fell against the tree he had pinned his own victim to only a few moments before. Sickening crunching sounds could be heard from the bush the boy’s friend had just disappeared into. The surviving bully picked up a sharp branch in an attempt to save his friend and using it like a spear he stabbed into the bush Leech was feasting in. Something caught it before it made contact with her and the vampire froze turning to see Pennywise towering over the other boy. “Its rude to disturb a girl while she's enjoying her meal.” he snarled Leech had fallen back against her snack and stared up at him both in shock and relief to see Penny decided to help her out. The clown looked over at her and gave her a cocky smirk. If he thinks he's out of the dog house for saving my ass he's so wrong. Leech stood up and sarcastically smiled back at him. “What the fuck! What the fuck is that!” the bully screamed. The boys eyes were wide with tears of sheer terror from seeing his friends blood covering the vampire’s chin and the now six foot circus demon towering over him.

“Time to float kiddo” Pennywise lunged forward and delivered a perfect killing blow, dropping the body with a thud on the dirt. He turned to his vampire and gave a cocky grin. “SoooOOO….whats a girl like you doing in a place like this?”

“Cute. You use that line on all the flesh eating women you meet?” Leech rolled her eyes.

“Just the pretty ones like yourself my dear….. you going to finish that?” he pointed at the body next to her.

“I’m not giving you my meal and I'm still not talking to you” Leech crossed her arms and turned her head away from Pennywise trying not to get stuck in his golden stare.

“You’re talking to me right now though!” the clown strolled over to her and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze with a single gloved finger.

“Yeah well…. only cause you saved my ass….so thanks…asshole.” Leech glared at him. Penny sensed her beginning to break.

“My my little firecracker, is that any way to treat your rescuer? I think I deserve more thanks than that” he pulled her closer to him so she could feel his hot breath on her cold lips.

“You’re not getting any. You’ve been a dick lately” Leech looked away from him trying her best to hide the creeping blush on her hollow cheeks

“Then why aren't you trying to get away?” he was inches away from her now. Shit

“I hate you” Leech snarled and closed her eyes “Mmmmm I hate you more” his soft lips pressed against hers. Stupid clown. The vampire ran a claw through his hair pulling him into her to deepen the kiss Pennywise purred with victory. Leech unceremoniously pushed him off her with a huff facing away from him to hide the fact she was about to start grinning like a school girl. Pennywise snickered.

“You know, you're lucky I didn't punish you for chasing off my initial meal with your stupid mistakes.”

“Not everyone can be as perfect as you, I'm still learning. Give me a break.”

“Aww you're right I am perfect!” he smirked at his on lame joke.

“You're a narcissist is what you are.” Leech grumbled.

“I thought you weren't talking to me.”

“You’re right I'm not…I’m… you just….fuck….you’re so fucking frustrating you know that?” pennywise snarled and pinned her against the tree.

“Likewise bloodsucker. You have no idea how much you torment me.”

“At least I don't light you on fire when my ego’s bruised”

“At least I have an ego. Pitiful little thing, if you spent half the time you spend moping around on practice you wouldn't need me to save you from these situations.”

“I don’t need you to come save me I can take care of myself” Leech snarled back.

“That boy nearly impaled you. If I hadn't shown up you'd be one step away from losing that pretty head of yours. You're lucky I like you so much.”

Leech shoved him back “Yeah but you didn’t do it for me did you! I know you too well. You did it because you thought I’d stop being mad at you.” she took a bold step forward. Too bold. “Selfish prick… you know perfectly well I would have been fine. Stop trying to scare me with that you “would have died” bullshit I'm not in the mood.”

The clown slammed her into a tree with a growl fully pissed off now.

“Stupid girl. Do I need to show you how much I care again?” Pennywise roared his claws splintering into the tree behind her. “Go ahead” she grinned “but you still wont be man enough to ever say you're sorry to my face.” What a brat. She was completely right of course, but still her attitude was definitely in need of adjusting. He hated when she was right.

The clown placed a knee between her legs and grabbed her neck bringing her close to him again. Leech whimpered a bit when he licked her neck and chin with greed. He groped her body possessively touching her in any way that he wanted to and the vampire glared at him trying everything she could to hide the flush of ichor under the skin of her cheeks. He was being an ass but she loved it when he got worked up like this. Stupid clown. When he kissed her again Leech moaned into his mouth pulling his waist so his hips pressed against hers. Penny had the hem of her pants in his claws prepared to rip them off until he sniffed the air and paused more humans.

“Hello? Miss you ok?” a mans voice rang out in the woods. He couldn't see the clown or the bodies Penny had hidden them, but he left Leech. Lets see how she does without him there to save her now.

Leech's eyes widened oh shit it's the guy from the bar. Shit, shit, shit!!! Penny glanced over at her and sneered “Friend of your’s darling?”

“Hey! Its you! What’s a pretty little bartender doing way out here in these woods?”

Pennywise bared his fangs in jealousy. Oh she did know him. “Yeah what are you doing out here Leech” he turned to her with an evil grin

“Oh um nothing really”

“Just fucking my lover in the woods.” Pennywise mocked her. Leech wanted to die at this point.

“JUST GOING ON A HIKE” she yelled over the clown.

“You uh seem a bit roughed up you ok?” walked over to touch her arm and she pulled back.

“Fine! I'm fine! Tripped on a rock silly me! I must have weak knees!”

“Yeah clowns seem to make them shake like a leaf” Pennywise smirked enjoying his little test.

“Want me to take a look at it?” the man asked,

“I’ll..I’ll be ok” thats a lie, she was far from ok right now especially since Penny was now running a gloved hand down the small of her back and attempting to stuff said hand down the back of her pants.

“Well in that case forgive me if I'm being too forward but my friend and I are here for a couple days while we prep for a backpacking trip. I’d love to get your number so we could hang out sometime.”

This poor boy just signed his own death certificate. He was nice too, if Leech wasn't involved with Penny she might have even said yes. He’ll make a nice meal though, she didn't get to finish her’s after all. Pennywise walked behind the man and bared his fangs snapping his jaws near his head to show Leech what he planned on doing with him after she was gone. She gave the clown a look that said Not today Pennywise. “I’m actually already seeing someone-“ she paused an evil thought entering her mind and the vampire grinned at the clown wickedly “sorta… we’re having a big fight right now really.” Penny’s playful expression dropped. She wouldn't dare.

“Oh thats a shame you're more than welcome to talk about it, I'm Brad by the way”

“Lee-Lucy! I’m Lucy”

“You're mine is what you are.” Penny walked over to her and ran his fingers roughy along his mark on her neck. Leech swatted him away.

“So tell me dear Lucy, why would this guy of your’s ever want to make you upset? If you were my girl I would treat you like a princess”

Leech shot Penny another look that said “See? A princess!” Pennywise glared at her more.

“Well, it started as a practical joke gone wrong. Now its more about how he's being a selfish asshole”

“Well you're very cute a girl like you shouldn't have to put up with that”

“You think I'm attractive?” Leech laughed in surprise. Pennywise was fuming. “Huh I rarely ever hear that these days.” Leech looked directly into the clowns eyes.

“Absolutely, I have a thing for girls like yourself.” he chuckled and took a step closer to her. Wrong move buddy.

“Well um thanks…..don't think you'd like the real me though”

“What are you getting at Leech” Penny snarled.

Brad took her hand and Leech saw the clown twitch. “Nonsense. That guy of your’s doesn't know how lucky he is to have you.” this poor sweet boy is a walking corpse at this point. Brad leaned in while stared at Leech’s lips as if asking to kiss her.

“Dont even think about it” Pennywise’s eyes were blood red.

“Well thank you for the kind words” Leech turned away. Maybe she took this too far. She saw Penny struggling to hold his clown form together his face beginning to split. The human grabbed her chin to turn her face back to him and she glared. Ok buddy you've overstayed your welcome. Leech looked over to Penny and winked the clown narrowed his eyes. Suddenly Brad began to kiss her and the vampire snarled with rage, she bit clear through his lip sucking in the sweet blood. Brad screamed and staggered back. Leech laughed removing her wig to free her large bat like ears, she let her front fangs extend and brought her long red tongue out to lick up the blood on her chin. Pennywise hid the small half smile that threatened to break through his scowl. He did love to watch her work after all. Brad screamed in terror and disgust “Whats the matter baby? Thought you said I was beautiful.” she laughed as Pennywise made him self visible behind her the clown was still twitching a bit. “Hiya Brad!”

“What the fuck is that! What the fuck are you?”

“This is that boyfriend I was talking about dear. He’s not very happy about what you did. Neither am I.”

“That thing? You're dating that thing?”

Pennywise grunted.

“He's a clown not a thing Brad, and yes I love him… even when he's being a jerk” she elbowed Penny hard and he elbowed her back with a huff.

“You're still not letting that go are you?” the clown side eyed her.

“No Penny I’m not, you can either swallow your pride and apologize or let me eat this guy and leave”

“Wait eat me?!”

Pennywise growled at his vampire “Don't interrupt Brad. And I have nothing to be sorry for, you're the one letting some filthy human touch you.”

“For the record I didn't want the kiss that was our friend taking it a bit too far. But you deserve it anyway after the way you’ve been acting. Biting me, lighting me on fire, all because I said someone else scared me one time? You have some serious jealousy issues.”

“Wow I’ll say”

“Shut up Brad!” Leech hissed “You could at least start with an apology Pen, but instead you just act like what you did was perfectly justified. PLUS at least the human can give me a compliment every now and then you selfish prick!”

Penny turned to growl at her more but the frantic shuffling of fleeing feet drew his attention away. He snarled at the direction of the running human and turned to Leech “I’ll be back for you.”

“Go ahead I'm still not going to talk to you until you say you're sorry though!” The nosferatu yelled.

The clown glared and vanished. When she was finally alone Leech let out a roar in frustration. Fucking egotistical inter-dimensional clown. She cried by herself for a bit the weather becoming dark and stormy as a result. The vampire left her tears in the dirt and started to head home unaware of her clown watching her silently from the shadows. He hated seeing her upset and he knew was the one who caused it. He held up Brads detached head “Ok maybe you're both right I’ve been a bit of a “jerk” lately.” he made the head nod in agreement. “Shall I try getting her back then, my way?” the head nodded no. “You would say that Brad….you stole your taste and look where that got you hmm? I'm not giving in to her little apology game.” he turned the head to look at him “Yes I know I miss her terribly. Is that what you want to hear? You're dead I don't have to listen to you” Penny tossed the head behind him and ended his macabre one sided puppet show. The clown sunk into the shadows to plan.

--------------------------------------------

I headcannon Penny talking to his victims when he’s bored. Just having weird one sided convos with corpses. Also fun fact one of the horror movies that messed me up when I was a youth was Halloween. It didn't fuck me up as bad as Nightmare on Elm ST did but it fucked me up pretty good. Ironically Nightmare became one of my all time favorites but Halloween never really caught on for me. Just not a big fan of the silent killers beyond Leatherface I guess. Next chapter is gonna get FUN.

#pennywise #pennywise the dancing clown #pennywise fanfiction #pennywise x oc #pennywise x reader #it fanfiction #monster roommate au

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nyancheetosmusical · 7 years

Text

The Whole Plot of Jasper in Deadland (from the script)- Act 1

As much as I’d love to just share the script instead, it’s not in mine to share. SO here is the whole plot of Jasper in Deadland (I’ll mostly focus on what happens in between music numbers because that’s the part most people don’t know)

-The musical opens to have various people in Jasper’s life yell at him or complain at him, like his coach berating him for not going to swim practice or his father begging him for another pill.

- (Goodbye Jasper starts). We are in Jasper’s bedroom, Jasper at the edge of his bed and Agnes under the covers. Face in his hands, he sings how he doesn’t deserve her. When he doesn’t respond when she says, “I love you, Jasper. Do you love me?”, she gets up and runs off

-Jasper dives in and : “(Music swells to: drop cloth falls. JASPER dives as —a swinging punk guitar groove, a little sadistic, blares—and suddenly JASPER is falling... endlessly... into another world, and the proscenium rises up.)”

-As he falls endlessly, multiple girls holding red hoodies (like Agnes’ hoodie) approach Jasp and inform him he’ll see memories of his life. A different girl plays Agnes in each memory (end of Goodbye Jasper)

-Jasper wakes in a boat crossing the River Lethe, steered by the skeletal Ferryman. Also Virgil, a middle aged man in a suit, is in the boat, and gets Jasp to wake up

- “VIRGIL Ha. Kid, you think that “old softy” is scary...just wait till you see the three-headed dog. Now,let’s get you checked in, CASE NUMBER (sings) SIGMA J THETA Q 2714.”

-Jasper thinks this whole thing is a prank Agnes cooked up, and that she’s off somewhere laughing

-the river occasionally repeats words or phrases Jasper says and it kind of ticks him off

-They arrive at the Gates of Deadland and Virgil points out Cerberus to a very confused Jasper (What Is Life begins)

-A queue of corpses are filling out paperwork on clipboards as the heads of Cerberus reflect on life. Very much DMV-esque, they are getting their pictures taken for their IDS (Virgil is the one who yells “KEEP IT MOVING!”)

-Some corpses pass Cerberus into Deadland, first having to tell Cerberus how they died

-Jasp of course tries to talk his way out of it when he sees someone with a red hoodie (Agnes’ hoodie). He asks where she got it and the corpse says from some girl inside Deadland

-now with motivation, he begs Cerberus to let him into Deadland (What Is Life ends)

- (The Killing begins) Jasp recounts why life sucks for him, until he begins to talk about Agnes and mentions that some good is there (The Killing ends)

-(Mark This begins) Cerberus lets Jasper past into Deadland with the warning that as time goes on he will forget more and more about himself (Mark This ends)

-Jasp enters Deadland, but not before Virgil wishes him luck with his girlfriend, to which Jasper responds “She’s not my girlfriend!”

- “(LIGHTS shift at we enter Deadland. The City Circle Streets: the mainstreet of a most spectacular city. At ends classic and nouveau, its steel spires and silver skyscrapers stand proudly on pale marble streets; a perfect high-noon sun beams down. JASPER looks in awe at the city.)”

- (Deadland Welcome/ Tour Song/ Jasper in Deadland [Medley] begins) Mr. Lethe’s ad for water comes on the sky as if the sky were a giant Jumbotron

-As Jasper is in awe of the city, on comes tour guide Gretchen along with a group of tourists

-Jasp asks her for help- he touches her shoulder and we see for the first time Jasper can bring back ppls memories

-”SOME DOUCHE (Frederick)(Sung like a stupid recitative.)HEY! I GOT YOUR TEXT THIS MORNING, YOU SENT IT AT LIKE 4AM—

GRETCHEN Ahhh! Who is that douche? Why is he here?

SOME DOUCHE YOU WERE WASTED WEREN’T YOU? YOU WERE! I KNEW IT!

JASPER Wait, who’s here?

GRETCHEN Nobody... it must just be a memory..

.SOME DOUCHE DO YOU WANNA SEE A PIC OF MY JUNK?(GRETCHEN is zapped back to reality.)”

-Suddenly some tourists recognize Jasper and start taking pictures. The paperboy comes on and we realize that Jasper has begun to stir up a frenzy of action

-Jasper is looking for someone to help him and there are just people touching him left and right. He’s begun to struggle to remember what Agnes looks like

-Jasper, lost in a sea of “reporters and Jasper groupies,” sees a girl who might be Agnes. She drops a red knit hat and he goes after it. Hat in hand, he runs off to escape the crowd (Deadland Welcome/ Tour Song/ Jasper in Deadland [Medley] ends)

-In Mr.Lethe’s office, he complains to his assistant Hathaway about Jasper ruining the balance of Deadland. Also how much Mr. Lethe wants more power

- ”MR. LETHE I helped betray the Titans and look what happens? Jupiter gets the earth, Neptune gets the sea,Pluto gets the Underworld and oh...What does Cousin Lethe get for his troubles? A little teensy-weensy f*cking river!”

-(Jasper in Deadland [Lethe Style] begins) Lethe tells his secretary that he needs to get Jasper out of Deadland

-He gets Norse Godess and God Hel and Loki on capturing Jasper and bringing them to Mr. Lethe’s office ( Jasper in Deadland [Lethe Style] ends)

-On the other side of town, Jasper dejectedly sits at a bar. Gretchen is there too

-He complains of horrible headaches and she gives him some water from the Lethe, which he downs

- “GRETCHEN Wow...I’ve never met anyone “alive” before. You’re so dangerous. It’s really doing it for me. I’m like, into it, but I’m like, afraid of it...I like, wanna get near you, but I think I wanna stay over here.”

-He again denies that Agnes is his girlfriend (”No...I’m not gay...I’m very straight and we’re “best friends”...”)

-Gretchen offers to listen to Jasper so he can vent

- “JASPER Look. Agnes and I aren’t like that. Because, Agnes has everything. Perfect family. Famous doctor for a father...Beautiful Step-Mom...Agnes is too good for anyone...Me? I have a cheating mother and a drug addict for a father.......How could she possibly love me -- Look, the best part of my day? I get up every morning and I go for a dive. There's this cliff...it's called....it's called. I can't seem to remember....And I always invite Agnes to come, and she hates to...She jumped in and...Why am I having a hard time...”

-(The Forgetting begins) “JASPER It’s weird, it’s like there are these pictures of my life on a wall...Except, someone keeps taking them down....Dusty squares and rectangles where my life used to be...”

-Gretchen explains the steps of how people forget their lives in Deadland (The Forgetting ends)

-Jasper laments his task in having to find Agnes in this massive city before he forgets everything. Gretchen notices the red hat he’s holding and recognizes it, saying she’s seen it before, but can’t remember where. He begs her to take him to all the spots where it could have been

-(Living Dead begins) Gretchen takes Jasper to multiple parts of the city, starting with...

-A Hookah lounge. Jasp talks to the bartender, to no avail. He does recommend the arcade as the next place to look

-At the arcade, there is some good ol’ dance dance revolution going on. Agnes is not there, but a shady character (no her name is literally ‘Shady’) mentions that Boss Rhadamanthus might know something and takes the two of them into the back room

-Jasp would have to arm wrestle Rhadmanthus, but can’t because of the whole memory thing. Agnes arm wrestles instead and wins, making Rhadmanthus tell them that he might’ve seen someone at Club Helheim, decked out for the Osiris concert

-At the concert, Jasper searches furiously among the clubbers, asking questions and looking for Agnes while Gretchen dances and enjoys herself

-Jasp finds Agnes’ bracelet and turns down Gretchen’s offer to dance. Finally they leave the club (Living Dead ends)

-Outside, Virgil finds Jasp and delivers the news that Agnes’ soul has been marked to move onto Elysium, meaning she is truly dead. Virgil also tells Jasper that Lethe is offering him a free pass back to life, but only this once.

-Jasp doesn’t know what to do. Virgil mentions Dante, a “half-life” like Jasper who had traveled through Deadland. He mentions that Jasper might try and find Beatrix Portinari, who might be able to help. Virgil leaves.

-Gretchen comforts a confused Jasper when all of a sudden, Hel and Loki enter with the booming of drums. They announce that they must “seize the boy”

- Gretchen distracts them by asking what their last name is, and while Loki is reciting it Jasp and Gretch sneak off

-She leads Jasp to the sewers. Jasp says he has to find Agnes before he forgets. The river running through (the Lethe) echoes some of his memories.

-Gretchen mentions the one way to leave Deadland is through a back entrance guarded by Ammut, which one can only enter when they’re ready to go to Elysium

- “JASPER Look, we get past this demon thingie and then what...Elysium?

GRETCHEN Sure...but what are you going to do when you find Agnes? She can’t go back.

JASPER I know it’s been done. That guy, Orpheus, he was alive, just like me, and he came down here to take back....take back...

GRETCHEN You mean, Eurydice?

JASPER Yeah. Her...

GRETCHEN There’s only one problem with the whole Orpheus scenario...Orpheus loved Eurydice...(then)So...if you don’t love Agnes then how –

JASPER I’ll find a way around that.”

- Jasper asks Gretchen to simply point him in the right direction and then go, he doesn’t want her mixed up in this

-She tells him and Jasper leaves. Gretchen laments that she had fallen for him because he does not love her, and wishes she could forget him so she could move on faster

-Jasper enters the gate area and is confronted by Ammut, who tells him that she must weigh his heart against a feather, and he must confess his greatest misdeed. Only then can he enter

-(Hungry for Your Heart begins) Ammut plunges her hand into Jasper’s chest and pulls his heart out to put on the scale. Jasper begins to die

-Gretchen rushes, plucks out her own heart, and places it in Jasper’s heart. He revives

-Together, they face Ammut as she sings about justice

-Jasper begins to unload his greatest misdeeds, including that he didn’t hide his father’s pills when he got out of rehab, or maybe that Jasper was the reason his mom left the family. The scale gets lighter and lighter, but isn’t enough.

-In a burst of desperation, Jasper declares that he’s the reason Agnes killed herself. His heart is now light enough and floats. (Hungry for Your Heart ends)

-Sore loser Ammut can’t take this though, and grabs Jasper’s heart and crushes it. She and her blind justice leave to go get Thai food

-Gretchen tells Jasper he can keep her heart, she wasn’t using it

-Jasper responds in Portuguese, and they both realize Jasper is at phase 3 of forgetting

-Loki and Hel again burst in, throwing lightning bolts at Jasp and Gretch. Jasp and Gretch sprint off, the gods in hot pursuit

-Back at Mr. Lethe’s office, Mr. Lethe is getting ready for a commercial shoot. Hathaway enters and tells him that the boy exited the gates, also mentioning that the news about Agnes moving to Elysium was faked

- “MR. LETHE I am grumpy.”

- “MR. LETHE Hmmmm...This boy is actually starting to impress me...He may be the one thing I’ve been waiting for. Find him! This is all going according to plan, Hathaway! First, I’ll overthrow those nimrods Neptune and Jupiter and then I’m comin’ for you, Pluto...Oh, yes, your days are finally numbered!!! You stuck me with a river in hell? I’ll do you one worse! How’s Cleveland, sound?Now, let’s continue on with the next commercial. I’m looking for happy but not saccharin. I want BROADWAY but not Broadway. I want girl next door but two doors down. Do you understand? Action!”

-Jasp and Gretch have made it to the Great Gulf, having escaped Hel and Loki. Jasper is on and off in Portuguese

-The Great Gulf is a giant pit. If you fall in, your soul could be lost in the Wasteland for all eternity. There’s no bridge or anything. Just a riddle stating: “To cross the gap, there is no map, No chance to bridge the parts. The way to pass, is clear as glass: The meeting of two hearts.”

-Jasper’s head hurts more and more. He drinks more water but he keeps losing his memories

- “All the picture are almost gone...It’s all becoming so cloudy. The cliff, the water, that day...(HE downs it, but it’s empty) There’s one picture left, but I can’t barely see her. It’s the night before...We are on her couch,talking about Star Trek. It’s the beginning of everything... I told her about the swimming pool.“Let’s be the first to feel something real”...I can still see it...It’s the last picture on the wall...Me and Agnes...I was happy with her, wasn’t I? I lose this and she’ll be gone forever...”

-Gretchen sees now that Jasper really does love Agnes, even if he doesn’t know it, and realizes she won’t ever be able to replace her. She goes to leave.

-Jasper calls her back, asking why she thinks he’s there.

- “GRETCHEN You’re so naive...You wanna be like Orpheus....but, you know what? Orpheus failed. Just like you will...

JASPER As long as we don’t look back...We won’t fail...”

- (Stroke by Stroke begins) While singing, Jasper goes to the edge of the Gulf and looks over.

-At “We’ll never know we’re alive ‘till we jump, ‘till we dive,” Jasper closes his eyes and steps forward- and they realize it was merely an illusion and a glass floor connects the two sides

-Jasper holds out his hand for Gretchen to take to follow him. Hesitantly, she touches his hand (Stroke by Stroke ends)

- (The Remembering begins) Gretchen sees her memories and realizes that she is Agnes

-She embraces Jasper, thanking him for coming for her and how she knew that Jasper loved her. Unfortunately, Jasper has now completely forgotten everything- who he is, where he is, even Agnes.

-Because they no longer fulfill the requirements of the riddle (Jasper no longer loves her because he doesn’t know her, the glass breaks and they fall into the Great Gulf (The Remembering ends)

END OF ACT ONE

#jasper in deadland #jid #jasper in deadland synopsis #act 2 is coming soon

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