#but they don't focus on it enough tbh
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It sucks that teen titans vol 3 annoys me so much cuz there are some cool concepts and all but I physically cannot read too much of it in one sitting lest the demons get me
#ramblings#the demons being 'why the fuck did they write Cassie like that'#she's my fav girl ever so I'm mostly focused on her general deal#and there are some interesting things#her whole thing with being a champion of ares is fun#but they don't focus on it enough tbh#I also like that shes mad all the time. she's just like me fr#I genuinely could not care less about her and Kon in this tho (they were fun in yj98 but they're sooo boring here)#I do not CARE about her boyfriend tell me more about how she's grieving her sister#cuz her sister did die. or predecessor or whatever. I'm calling them sisters#(well she didn't actually die but all Cassie knows is that she's dead)#OUGH THERE WERE COOL CONCEPTS. BUT INSTEAD THEY GAVE HER THE WORST COSTUME EVER AND TOOK AWAY MOST OF HER PERSONALITY#at least they gave us that one scene where her retired friends threatened a principal for her#that was nice#also the costume um. it would've been cool to give her a new costume that looked like Donna's old costume. if it didn't look like *that*#I wanna do a redesign of that first fit she had but trust me it'll not be even slightly the same#except for like. the color scheme#the exciting return of the tag essays I write about characters I love
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hanamura bros save me... hanamura bros... save me hanamura bros...
#rambearling#persona 4#p4#hanamura bros#yosuke hanamura#teddie hanamura#/ref#i don't talk about them enough but i am . soooooo mentally unwell about them#there's an intense defecit of content with them despite them being adoptive brothers being a fairly common headcanon 😒#there's like three fanfics with a focus on them siblingsing-#<- one of which is one of my favorite p4 fanfics tbh. shoutout to “once a hanamura‚ always a hanamura” it's good and not super long#would also def recommend “trust” (by nayv. probably a common title so just to clarify that-)#they're so good and sweet and oughhhhhh 🥹 i love the hanamura bros............#sorry i'm mentally unwell about persona 4
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ugh. some thoughts.
really been trying to find the joy in drawing/writing again and honestly it's been such a challenge. friends have told me it's most likely depression that's making it hard to feel motivated and tbh they're probably right.
hoping to get back into being creative in the way I Want to be at some point tho. I miss it. there's still so much with my stories and characters that I haven't been able to share or explain and I wish I knew how without it feeling like this daunting, impossible task.
I don't know when I'll get around to actually sharing art again (or writing, if ever). was hoping that I'd manage to get some of my mental and physical issues in check recently for just long enough to get back into the swing of being creative, but that hasn't seemed to work. everything feels bad, both artistically and physically. I'm struggling to keep up with the frantic pace at which my brain comes up with story concepts and intriguing character interactions, even tho everything in me wishes I could turn it into tangible artistic expression so I can get it out of my head and share it. it used to be easy. I don't know why it's not now.
I'm just . tired, I guess.
#spectre says#text post#negative#vent post#delete later#sorry#i probably shouldn't post this idk#tbh i know i've said this a million times but. even if i'm struggling to draw or whatever#i'm still open for asks. i want so badly to talk about my characters and the things i've been unable to explain through art#but i can't get my own thoughts together enough to know where to start with that in like. just a random post#and asks would be a great way for me to actually focus on one concept at a time based on whatever you guys are curious about#but i hate sounding like i'm begging for attention/interaction i just. genuinely don't know if anyone is interested otherwise#and if you guys do want to know more you HAVE to tell me directly#because vague forms of engagement are difficult for me to comprehend or read between the lines of#i can't read minds obviously ><;;#i know ask culture has changed a lot over the years tho and a lot of ppl don't like sending them out of being shy or whatever#which i understand#it's kind of an awkward form of engagement that no other site really has#so no pressure i'm just letting you know that I won't know if any of you guys are interested in learning more about my stuff#if i'm not told directly is all#anyway. tangent aside#its just been rough mentally my dudes. hopefully things clear up at some point and i won't feel so dead all the time#and actually have the mental clarity to continue drawing/writing like i used to again;;; God willing;;
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browsing through your blog makes my denim fetish go wild, keep it up cowboy ;)
I don't know if I have a denim fetish necessarily, but that seam between the legs on jeans does hit just right sometimes, if you know what I mean...
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Hey I just wanted to ask a writer question. I really admire your writing and the amount of work and dedication you put into your stories and characters. You are one of my favourite authors ever. I have been wanting to get into writing and I was wondering how you flesh out your characters? For example you have a character that you’ve thought out, do you have a template that you fill in? Or just write a whole bunch of points about the character in a Google doc? I know that question might not make the most sense but I have a few characters that I’ve given quirks and backstories in my mind but I have no idea how to transfer them onto paper? Like Jane from TRT, is there just a big template or doc where you randomly put points into or some other type of organization? I know it’s not an easy thing to answer on text or even something you might not want to answer but even one sentence of advice is much appreciated :) Thank you so much for everything! I appreciate you. I will also put this into the ask thingy if you want to answer on there instead of PM 😁
I've managed to hammer this out in bits and pieces over the moments I've been more coherent so I think I'll make sense. First, thank you so, so, so much! I honestly love these characters so I'm always happy to hear someone likes it, even if I enjoy the work! 😭
Second - I do in fact have a template in doc form that I use to keep things organized! It's one I've been using since I took a novel writing course years ago by a published author, and in one particular class we went over character development, which is where I learned the template. The way I was taught (and the way I develop major characters) - first, even before filling in the template, I figure out their archetype(s). What story role are they filling? Who will they be a foil for? I like to think of those as your foundation, because every character is an archetype of some kind, and you can use that to build them up. To use Jane as an example, she's an antihero archetype, yes, but I've also pulled elements from: the Unscrupulous Hero, the Sympathetic Murderer, the Combat Pragmatist, and the Ineffectual Loner. Compared to Matt's hero archetype, she's the Lancer. Archetypes can help you if you're struggling to build up from the bottom.
Once I have the archetype, I start filling in the Major Character/Hero template, which roughly looks like this (if you don't fill it all right away, that's fine, because there's a step after this to fill it in the rest of the way). I like this one because I feel like it covers VERY important things that a lot of online character profiles skip, and has much less of a focus on looks (which I find way less important from a writing perspective):
Name: Age: Family History: Career: Physical Description: (include things like scars, notable or unusual features) Preferred Style of Clothing: (instead of listing brands, try to instead describe their style of clothing as it relates to their character - ex: Jane wears upper-end pantsuits in muted colors when meeting clients, because they carry a strong emphasis on professionalism; when hunting things down, she wears what is practical over anything to do with aesthetic) Goal: (every character should have one; what are they trying to do?) Motivation: (WHY do they want that goal?) Big Secret: (if it were Jane, it'd be what happened in Los Angeles; so what are they hiding? Keeping to themselves?) Self-image: (How do they see themselves? Are they confident and secure? Insecure and depressed?) Internal Conflict: (what are they struggling with?) Game: (What's some little game they enjoy?) Pet: (if applicable) Temptation: (what's aaaalways going to lure them in?) Vehicle: (if applicable; alternatively, how do they prefer to get around?) What makes them unique: (our fake post-apocalyptic character we made as a class had his teeth sharpened into points to scare people; Jane is often fidgeting with threads; just anything that stands out) How do they speak: (do they speak very precisely? Use lots of slang? Do they have an accent?) Quote: (What quote sums them up, or what quote do they relate to most? I have an entire folder of these for Jane tbh, and some for Ciro as well) Lesson Learned: (All characters should grow in some way, rather than stagnating. So how do they grow? What do they learn through the story?)
Now, this is something I was encouraged to do after the template, and also something I was already doing on my own. Once you have the template as finished as you feel comfortable with, you might feel like you need to develop the character a little further to fill in the rest, or solidify what you already have. The way you can do that? Write something short with this character. It doesn't have to be anything you need to post; it can be based on a short scene, based on a prompt, things like that. I like dumping them into: humorous scenarios, angsty scenarios, and Action Oriented (TM) scenes. Those really help you get into the meat of the character (aka: how they react to teasing/flirting/jokes; how they react to strong emotion; how they react in situations that might cause panic). Basically, it's your way of introducing yourself to them and becoming more comfortable writing them, because often a character might act a certain way in a cold, rigid template, but behave entirely differently once you drop them into a scene. Alternatively, you might get to writing and realize you need to make an adjustment so that they have better chemistry with the other characters. Writing a new character's a dance, and you're both going to step on each other's toes in the beginning, but once you learn how they move, it gets easier. And it helps them develop and grow as you learn about them!
#writing advice#writing#character templates#this is the template i've used for most of my major characters and i love it tbh#i've tried some other ones and they just don't work for me#i feel like they focus WAY too much on appearance which is fairly minor in the scheme of writing#and not enough on things like goals and motivations and who the character *is*#because that's our job as authors#we're here to show you who these characters are at their base level so you can watch them grow#we are here to dissect them so readers can see their squishy insides#or as the author who led the class said: 'your job as a writer is to cause pain and suffering'#and you can't DO that if you don't know the inner workings#so i've used her template constantly since then because it makes that easier#it also emphasises growth which is something i LOVE#because i hate when everyone just stays the same in a story#ok i think that's everything#been writing this up in bits and pieces over the past two week and was finally coherent for long enough to clean it up a bit#now to keep seeing if i can start write writing again
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i'll admit that the people pleaser in me always wants to give y'all every single option that gets a vote. it's a problem :' )
#asdfghj that poll is still young but i'm already sweating like there's a small pool of people voting... i don't wanna exclude anyone#at the same time i can't keep doing every single optionnnnn i'm trying to make headway on all things i owe#i don't imagine people would be comfortable asking for what they specifically want but ;;v;; i'd do it in a heartbeat ;;v;;#you want a blurb in your inbox? kay i gotcha!! you want a starter?? kay i gotcha!! you want me to reblog a meme?? kay i gotcha!!#and that goes for every day of the week -- not just when i'm trying to write spice#asking me for something is the quickest way for me to get it to you bc it gives me a reason to focus tbh asdfg#bel is not good at maintaining focus nor making decisions when there's a bunch of options you see. she needs a lil help sometimes asdfg#okay that's enough outta meeee#i think i need to go get dinner#then when i'm back i'll peek at that poll uvu#get ready to ramble | ooc
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Talking to [leftist/socialist/progressive/whatever] white people as a brown girl is always an experience
#🐈⬛⚜️#A couple weeks back I was stopped by these uni students who were promoting a convention and advocating for Palestine#I was really sad and tired then so I was like sure. let's chat#I signed a petition and began talking to these 2 girls#One was a white girl. the other wasn't. could not pinpoint her background though#Anyways. we talked about the state of the world and Palestine and how the US and by extension the Western World has failed them#(which is a topic of its own because the Western World did not 'fail Palestine' they literally wanted this annihilation to happen#and have been an active participant in it)#And I pointed how ultra rich Arab countries have completely turned a blind eye to it but poorer countries such as Yemen. Lebanon have#been doing so much. despite their own vulnerable position#And this girl said but they're still not doing enough. they could lend military help#I was just disappointed because it doesn't take more than 15 seconds to realise why a regional war is not the solution#By virtue of wanting justice. I would want the IOF to be blown up too but that's not the solution#simply because the casualties will be the civilians of all of these countries and we cannot put millions of people at risk#And she kept telling me about how they're a socialist group. and she was also kind of taken aback by how much thoughts I had about this?#They're having a convention on Socialism and co (social issues. Marxism and all that jazz) next month and that I should consider cominv#Then she hit me with 'The entry is only $90' and there's a student bundle where you can get a book and a tote bag#Honestly funny as shit#And she kept insisting I should buy the book. it was 'Introduction to Marxism' I believe#I did not know how to tell her that I did not want to read that. and even if I did I would just pirate the Communist Manifesto#Anyways. interesting experience and it did make me focus back on how different Brown Leftists and white leftists are#I like to give them grace because it's hard to know context and history and social rules about somewhere you haven't lived or grown up#But I do believe if you're advocating for another group of people. you need to learn and understand first and foremost#I actually don't know what to make of that whole interaction tbh
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I feel like the writers in IWTV don’t know what they wrote. The lead actors refer to the event in episode 5 as domestic abuse. But a writer for the episode referred to it as a fight. I’d argue a mutual fight would have been interesting. Lestat and Louis could have freaked out and realized they need to part for awhile. But a brutal beat down took it too far. They could have even shown Lestat taking Louis to a roof and threatening to drop him. But not going through with it. Episode 5 was such a huge mistake.
I just keep thinking about their fight in the book after Louis drains Claudia and how Lestat stopped the fight really abruptly before it got out of hand and was like "enough. we'll talk about this tomorrow." and then went to bed and how much better it would have been if in the show they did have a real mutual fight, even a "break all the furniture in the house" type fight, but Lestat stopped it before he crossed that line into actually really hurting him
Also, not for nothing, it was already book canon that Lestat threatened to kill Claudia and whether he really meant it or not I feel like that would have been reason enough for Louis to feel like Lestat needed to die for them to leave him. The writers really didn't need to make Lestat violently assault his husband to give him a starting point for whatever redemption arc they have planned, especially when they're presumably still planning on having them get back together
#lestat de lioncourt#interview with the vampire#like Lestat was always an evil bastard but he was never on the 'beat my husband to a bloody pulp and walk away unscathed' level#like there's fighting and then there's whatever the fuck that was#i don't even mean this as Lestat apologia like from a story-crafting perspective this decision is hard to really understand#people ask me about this a lot and tbh I don't even know what to hope for as far as what they're going to do next with this#there's pros and cons to every theory I've seen so far#we'll just have to wait and see I guess#in the mean time I'm trying to just focus on the parts of the show I enjoyed for my own sanity#i've got enough negativity in my life rn i really don't need any more tbh#domestic abuse#domestic violence
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sometimes the unhappy marriage of the rulers of ferelden.... is something that can be so personal
#anna's fic notes#this is part of a mini sequel to silver smile. the focus of this fic is mostly surana & anora in the postblight#but i can't just do anora pov for 3k without her husband getting mentioned - and i do think that she's smart enough to know that alistair#is literally a fairytale prince in many ways. tbh tbh i also think the fact that cailan died would fuck anora up a fair bit.#like.... they were children together. they were pretty much each others' only peers. the celene stuff at the end is bad but she didn't know#about that when he DIED to the DARKSPAWN. not to have sympathy for cailan on main he WAS stupid but also it's a bit sad#i can't get mad at him it feels like getting mad at a bird. like. he is what he is.#anyway for me anora and alistair don't hate each other but it's definitely a sort of uneasy indifference. ESPECIALLY since she spends this#fic sitting between him and surana at post-blight celebration dinners while loghain stays locked in the warden compound where no one can#get in and assassinate him.#or where no one can tempt the king into killing him. i stand by what i said in that post alistair is so right to want him dead.
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The funniest thing I wholeheartedly believe is that I have a neurodivergency not catergorizable or diagnosable as any currently recognized disorder. (disorder emphaized because heavily impairing functioning is generally a requirement of the clinical definition and a condition of diagnosis, and although i'm vexed i still Get By Just Fine)
because like yes those probably exist; there's no way psychiatry is in its final form now and there are definitely levels of neuro-difference that don't qualify as disorders, but like. that's so random and it's kinda pretentious to make such a bold claim about yourself. like oh u wanna be special, huh? 🙄 just be AuDHD like everyone else (<- joking)
#look the Mental Illness is bad frequently enough the PMS prolly is exasterbating SOMETHING but what?? who knows#maybe testorterone would fix me... i'm afriad but i've been thinking about trying it a lot#i've been so clsoe to having persistant depression (looking back something was wrong with me in middle school???)#but it just isn't consistant and strong enough to be dysthymia#cuz like i don't feel sad so much as i just feel. psychologically unwell. maybe i've just always been stressed.#the lack of focus being a PMS symtpom is too real tho once i found that out i was like. damn that's why i thought i had ADHD sometimes and#then i wouldn't.#my autism score test ONLY being outside of 100% allistic range on the social stuff....#but i'm not a poor enough communicator for that to be a disorder#like there's all these little parts and they don't come together in the shape of anything i know#anxiety but not as bad as my mom who can't even get diagnosed bc it doesn't impair her functioning -'trich' but i don't pull; i snap or cut#but i'm still going to see a gyncologist bc PMS is the only lead i've got#i am goign to bring up T but tbh i think that's outside of their domains....#i wish menopause didn;t exist bc typical birth control is NOT an option bc high risk of hormone-positive breast cancer#but blocking my menstrual cycle would honestly be my dream outcome#but my understanding is if i don't replace E with T i just go into menopause and htne like. well my mom's going through it now and it#doesnt seem like. a good time.#I said this#personal
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A trend in whump fanfiction that has been bothering me for a while actually is the conflating of morality messages with whump stories.
As a great fan of the catharsis through Whump (Whump is like “Angst with a happy ending” or “extreme Hurt/Comfort”) I’ve been noticing that it greatly irritates me when the character being saved out of the bad situation of the premise has to either prove their moral worth before or after being rescued.
The two characters who get the most whump attention are Tim and Jason, and I want to talk about each of their cases and why implying the need for moral goodness is problematic.
Tim is commonly going to “deserve” his salvation through silently suffering prior to his rescue. These stories enforce the mentality that it is good to not speak up about one’s suffering, that other people will notice if they really love you and that your best hope to be saved is to comply as far as possible with the expectations placed on you, to the point of self-neglect or self-harm.
Jason will commonly “deserve” his rescue through punishment or repentance after the fact. Often he is portrayed to be ashamed of his actions, asking for forgiveness and promising to change his ways. Along the lines of Tim, if silence is rewarded, then Jason’s willingness to speak up about his trauma must be punished. Often the defense for this is to say that Jason has killed people though, and surely we all agree that is just wrong. And indeed, in the real world, we do. But Jason is a fictional character, and his killing is more of a symbolic action for the demand of extreme justice in reaction to one’s trauma than meant to be understood purely literally.
If we suspend our disbelief for the dressing up in a Batcostume and child-soldier-indoctrination of Bruce to be part of the medium, then we ought to understand Jason’s character with the same degree of abstraction. In the real world context Bruce suffers from severe delusions and Jason commits arbitrary murder. Suffice to say, this is not the story these comics are purporting to convey.
However a lot of fandom whump works choose to include an overt or covert moral message within their work. While it is understandable to cathartically want to feel that one deserves to be relieved of one’s suffering, it is troublesome that the implication arises that one ought to deserve it. The truth is that everyone deserves help and support, regardless of whether they in turn act in the ways we think would be best for them. After receiving help, a former victim should be entitled to the same freedom of self-determination as anyone else. There is no moral debt created by the act of having been saved by someone else.
Where Tim is usually the “good” victim and Jason typically the “bad” victim, they both get measured according to the same insidious metric that pervades the western cultural ideal of victimhood. Silence in suffering is expected and rewarded, complying to the demands set by the abuser is seen as more deserving of outside intervention than standing up for oneself and the narrative that being understood and having people agree with you, means that you are right and that you are loved. I find these implied moral conflations to the whump element of the story upsetting as a former victim of abuse.
Because, look, the fact is that you aren’t more likely to be saved irl no matter how good you are. Victims don’t have to deserve help, everyone inherently deserves to be helped out of respect for them as a human being. No strings attached.
#Tim Drake#Jason Todd#fandom salt posting slightly#I'm having more Tim thoughts lately#I still also stand by my opinion that fandom wrongs are not culturally significant enough to be a cause for social campaigns#I don't mean to say this is a huge and relevant issue and we should all be up in arms!!#I'm more interested in just exploring victimhood through the different representations that Tim and Jason offer#and I'm choosing to take fandom works seriously as a focus of analysis#I'm about to apply all the genuine thought that goes into my understanding of Jason to Tim muahahahaha#I'm a ctually having a lot of fun with his character. Not to be too judgy#but its kind of a pity that his fandom treatment is so pervasively superficial and acricature like#caricature*#Keep having fun though ultimately#write whatever fanfic you want. You're not actually hurting anyone tbh#this is very much my subjective opinion#dc fandom#batfam
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imo everyone on earth should be talking about Him (don't want this showing up in the tag even though it's not a diss) but everytime i go to the tag and there's only like 3 new posts i'm like. oh yeah almost no one cares except me and like 5 other ppl on here
i ran out of tags KFHSJENNXN i don't think that's literally ever happened to me before anyways don't read them because it's just me being insane as per usual
#most of his indirects on twitter are from people in diff asian countries as well and ik he's doing an asia tour soon(?)#bruh he's never coming back to the usa is he 😭😭😭 i need him in chicago i miss him so bad#i feel very ugly emotionally rn still bc i was reading all of the rando ass dating rumors of him last night LMAO and it pissed me off#i know i have no right to get mad and i'm being irrational but at the same time like. everyone is just like 'omg he's so in love rn'#bc his music has been very angsty and like. idk... conflicted? but his new song was very happy and sweet and very In Love Sounding#and i already know all his music is about one person bc he always talks about the same shit (he's very predictable i see right thru him)#and he's putting out a new song called 'shining' and he has been talking abt a person being his light/shining on him for the last 7yrs atp#so like. that's how i know it's about one specific person and i don't think he has moved on LMAOOO so unless he was dating the same random#7yrs ago i don't think he's dating any of the people they bring up tbh... i pay attention to these things not to brag or anything but like#being attentive to the people i love and noticing inconsistincies in their behavior and when they act diff is like. the only skill i have#at least irt other people LMAO like honestly i wrote all the lyrics he ever wrote down in a google doc and it shows a clear trajectory#that starts like... innocently and just gets more fucked up and toxic as it goes. and ppl say he's one of the most sane ppl they know#meanwhile he's been writing songs about 1 person for nearly 10 years and they get progressively more desperate and insane#I'M JUST SAYING. i completely forgot what my original point was but i guess it was most likely that. no one pays attention to him like i do#the songs started being about this person at the same time i started liking him and having dreams about meeting him btw#and they got progessively more uh. spiteful and desperate and weird as the years went on. did i mention i cast a spell on him 😐#and he literally says shit like 'it's impossible for me to move on' 'i don't care about anyone else' 'it's like i'm possessed' etc#and after we met at his concert he got really into saying shit like 'that one night wasn't enough' and 'the spotlight between us'#&the ever-famous 'i like the way you look at me' 'my eyes are on you' 'focus on me just look at me' when all i did was look at him all night#if you're reading this right now and thinking 'celeste do you seriously believe a kpop guy has been writing songs about you for 7 years?'#you should remember who i am and how i reacted to ***** having a gf (that i guessed exactly right months before he revealed it)#i'm schizophrenic 🤷♀️ but the guy i'm into was the one who started my fascination with soulmates and destiny and fate and shit like that#you know it's funny i mention that because he also started writing about that!!!!! in his songs!!! crazy#and he talks about the person making it hard for him to sleep and wanting to meet them in his dreams again and whathaveyou#i mean even in his two newest title tracks he says 'i'm frustrated in the studio the only melody that comes out is for you' and#'i want to turn everything about you into a song' in the newest one... hm.#and btw he announced his album right when i admitted i was in love with him again to my family (they know my insanity LMAO)#and he releases a song about being happy and in love and listening for someone's voice from far away to reach him/vice versa?????#right when i get back into him???#it's my fave color & his fave color & he's releasing it in my birth month like. i know billions of coincidences are a thing but it's crazy
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OKAY i managed to write out the general outline of this other play i'm gonna have start working on soon
#i say soon it could be this time next year before i'm really working on it properly#but i've started it a bit#ik what i want to have happen at least#in general#just tryna celebrate the little things so i don't lose whatever is left of my sanity as quickly lol#i feel my motivation slowly creeping back#i really hope to be productive this week once the worst of my period is out of the way#tbh idk if i could really focus before this point so i should be softer on myself#i've set an alarm for way earlier tomorrow imma try get my shit together idc if i've got enough sleep or not#(provided my period is not kicking my ass lol)#I'M GONNA DO THIS AND I WILL SUCCEED IN EVERYTHING I TRY#roacc
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suddenly realizing that for the reboot one of the things that i think i Have to hammer in a bit more is the concept of LV as like. just a straight up addiction
#i already hinted at it a bit in the blog with “lovedrunk” lore but its tooooooo easy to miss to be foreshadowing#i think. i will put a bit more emphasis on it in The Training Arc#i can already see the dialogue#something like “damn how long is it gonna take me to be as strong as you?”#“if you're smart you won't ever be. all of my strength comes from killing people.”#“cmon man that cant be ALL of it. most of that was probably self defense anyway.”#“you don't get to LV 14 from self defense.”#“ok but its not like you actively sought out people to kill or something right?”#and then just dead fucking silence ! wahooooo !!!!!!#this is how i have written the entire story btw whole scenes just show up in my head and i figure out where they're supposed to go#atbb is just a big ass puzzle to be completely honest#and brother i've barely finished the edges!!!#gahh ppl dont play with LV as a concept enough tbh#i've only seen like one other fic focus not on just the aggression but also the “ohh EXP going up feels REALLY GOOD”#wayhahaha i love building up the mechanics of this video game concept so that i can make my non video game guy MISERABLE !!!!!!
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edible bby u gotta Do More than this general vague relaxed thing rn. i dont wanna press u and also don't wanna use more of u rn so. cmon. pls. blease
#text post#im trying to be mindful in how much i use and win but the brain is not cooperating here which tbh i should not be shocked by lol#ive had ten fic ideas including one jesus/judas one (yes really lmao) and i cant physically calm or focus enough to write them#or to at least not immediately think 'oh these are fucking stupid don't waste your time on these ideas'#brain u want Productive yes? THEN STOP NERFING ME WHEN I TRY TO PRODUCTIVE#im so sorry y'all today is just. A Lot. this will pass but slowly apparently bear with me
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#really sorry the comfort drabbles are taking so long...#i'm kinda not in the best place mentally and don't know how to get out of that atm so that's why i have no motivation to do anything#everything feels.... pointless#and hard.... way too hard#i can't relax around people and it's even worse since moving back from the dorms cause now not even home feels like a place where i can#let go anymore#i don't reallt have anything to do atm either cause i'm done with uni and won't get a job for now cause i wanna apply for studying abroad#(i've talked about that tho)#and also i cannot handle a job atm#i feel like i can't handle anything atm but i feel so guilty for doing nothing that i can't rest#i feel constantly agitated and can't calm down and i need a safe space so badly but idk where that would be#i thought as soon as i was done with exams i could finally focus on writing#but i have such bad writer's block rn that i can barely relax enough to write#and that feels pointless too tbh...#whatever
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