#but they complain about EVERY song and EVERY character and THEY LIKE DUNCAN!!!!!!!

[canonically47]

I’m almost certain I know exactly which 3 dudes you’re talking about 💀 I’m so tired of seeing those mfs everywhere, their entire thing is just barely paying attention to what they’re reacting to and making questionable jokes the whole time.

yeah they are so weird thank you for agreeing with me. people actually pay to watch their reactions?? they just sexualize minors and make immigrant and rape jokes they ain’t reacting to shit

[separatist-apologist]

rank acotar characters by how long you could stand to be in a car with them? important factor: they decide what music is playing

Ranking ACOTAR characters based on an 8 hour roadtrip where they control the aux. Don't forget that I alone have the only right opinions in the fandom and therefore will be taking 0 feedback.

17. Beron- AM talk radio the WHOLE way with the most HEINOUS opinions a person can have. Loudly agrees and at times is arguing back with the guest through the speakers. Is he aware they can't HEAR HIM?

16. Amren- Doesn't like music. No road games, please.

15. Jurian- Dad rock. There is only so much Every Rose Has It's Thorns we can hear before its time to drive this car off a bridge. Pour exactly NO sugar on me, I am afraid of ants.

14. Gwyn- I'm SORRY, but she's giving very strong show tunes vibes. Spends the whole time singing, and yeah her voice. is beautiful but this is not American's Got Talent. This road trip is about classic jams, not showing off.

13. Nesta- Gruesome murder podcasts. Listens without flinching as the night grows darker. Thinks we should turn down that dark road as a short cut. Why is she cutting cheese with a hunting knife?

12. Tamlin- Country music, but it's like, pop-country and not country with feeling or country for murdering men. Barefoot blue jean night? Sir we're in New Jersey.

11. Eris Vanserra- Listens to The History Of Rome podcast the whole way. Jesus Christ man can we choose another point in history? NO. We will hear of these ancient battle tactics and we will be grateful. Only upside is Mike Duncan is a great story teller. Definitely asks for a sexual favor half way through, like I'm not DRIVING HELLO SIR?

10. Azriel- 2004 best of emo jams. Its a playlist he made himself, with all the classics. Become increasingly concerned when MCR's Helena comes on and he turns it up to belt with clear, obvious feeling. You okay, bro? Want to pull over for a taquito?

9. Vassa- Whatever is on the radio, like this isn't cornfield country. There is NOTHING but the sound of me mooing at the window ("cow") or the static as she flips station to station. Occasionally finds the most banger radio station filled with songs you forgot about, only for it to vanish right at the climax of a song you're both belting. Still, the spontaneity is fun

8. Rhys- NPR podcast. God it's informative and yeah it's interesting and the conversation it opens up keeps you both busy for hours so it's hard to completely complain. Spends a lot of time staring at his phone and fact-checking guests

7. Tarquin- Apple Music? I mean...I GUESS. He did his best, but his best is questionable. It's his own playlists and his taste in music if fun, if not eclectic. No one vibe- and he brought snacks.

6. Mor- Nothing but gossip. How does she know so much? Terrified to tell her about personal life, but have to admit hearing what disasters everyone else is really fills the time.

5. Emerie- PREPARED. Downloaded a mix of playlists AND podcasts, rotates them when the mood starts to flag. Never lets her finger off the phone, but also does not take requests, so stop asking. You get what you get.

4. Elain- It's pure pop and nothing else. Bouncy and upbeat, she came to have a good time with nothing in between. Outdoes Tarquin in snacks, and has a list of road games ready to go for when everyone is burned out with music.

3. Lucien- A playlist for every mood. Oh it's raining? It's sunny? Everyone is hungover and needs quiet? He's got you covered. The vibe never drags and is always appropriate, reading the room before you even know the tone has shifted.

2. Cassian- King of the excursion. Roadside America memorized, Cassian knows where every biggest wind chime, ball of yarn, and rocking chair is located. Somehow manages to keep everyone mostly on time. Stops for snacks instead of bringing his own because everyone knows the best food is at a rural gas station. Ranking jerky flavors for fun, and in between, keeps it easy with a steady jam of road trip faves.

1. Feyre Archeron- High Lady of the Road Trip herself. Turn off that podcast, turn up the music. Feet on the dash, gossip ready to GO. Can tell a story for HOURS, knows all the deets on everyone's messy lives. Planned ahead and found a hotel with a pool AND a bar. Playlist absolute perfection, based on the friends in the car.

[itsbrandy]

Burnout Chapter 12

Summary: Getting into rehearsals for the show. Bee is confused on where Dieter stands.

Word Count: 9.8k

End of Episode song: Prototype - Andre 3000

Chapter 12: Duncan and Celine

Dieter and Bee had been on a grand total of three solo dates since their out-of-LA excursion, but they hadn’t gotten remotely close to the speed in which Bee’s past relationships had gone. She was used to the thrill of the chase being very short, luring men in with her good looks and quick jokes.

Both of her relationships were high speed and high reward, with a quick title and a fast move-in date. It was what Bee was used to, but it wasn’t necessarily a healthy pattern. Despite this, a fast-paced relationship was still something that Bee felt drawn to.

But for Dieter, commitment proved to be a taller task, and while Bee was beginning to feel insecure about his lack of labels and the fact that he hadn’t yet kissed her out of the context of a scene.

Rehearsals had started for their show, and while Bee’s character saw a lot of lip-on-lip action, Bee was feeling more than neglected in that department. It had been bothering her, every time Dieter was rattling off about his latest obsession or his excitement for filming she caught herself watching his mouth.

One time she even caught herself drooling.

Their Disney promotional filming had been pushed off until the week before filming, which gave Bee a short reprieve from her old life. She hadn’t had to face old coworkers or her ex at all in the past month, spending her days living the life of a mostly unknown celebrity.

Walking her dogs in the morning, grabbing a smoothie with Claire, and tending to the numerous beauty appointments that Claire insisted on were her duties outside of rehearsals and small social engagements.

Bee felt great — her hair had never been shinier, her skin had never been smoother, and she had never felt better about her diet. Still, there was a love sickness that lingered. The unrequitedness of Dieter’s obvious affection for her was maddening.

“Maybe I need to see a therapist or something,” Bee said after taking a long drag from her smoothie straw one Monday morning.

Claire made a face. Her fingertips encircled her straw as if she was about to do the same, but Bee’s statement gave her pause. “Why would you do that?”

Bee looked around. Their smoothie spot was mostly empty except for some private school teenagers skipping class and snacking on sickly sweet açaí bowls.

“I’m just so frustrated,” Bee admitted. “I feel like I have everything going for me — the perfect job, the perfect dogs, the perfect best friend, the perfect man — but it’s like not enough.”

Claire laughed and stirred her smoothie around with her straw. “I can only think of one thing on that list that isn’t quite enough.”

“It’s annoying!” Bee complained. “He hasn’t like told me how interested he is, or kissed me, or said we were anything in particular…but he keeps asking me out on these gorgeous dates. He’s the most romantic and most frustrating person all in the same…hot body.”

“It is a hot body,” Claire agreed.

“It is,” Bee echoed.

“But it’s not hot enough to get therapy over. Dieter’s got a lot of experience with dating in his time. He’s been famous for a lot longer, and if I had to guess,” Claire trailed off, avoiding making eye contact with her. “He wants to be careful about dating you in order to protect you and your career.”

“That’s stupid. I don’t care,” Bee complained. “I mean, I do care. I don’t want people to think I’m a nepo baby or anything. But let them talk. They’ll see the show and see that I really can act.”

Claire raised an eyebrow. “Glad to see the confidence from you.”

“Thanks. I’ve been working on it,” Bee said. “But seriously, what’s the point of not kissing me in private then?”

“Not wanting to hurt you? Wanting to take it slow? You just got out of a long-term relationship with a guy who was kind of a piece of shit,” Claire said. “And I’m not saying you don’t know how to handle yourself, but it’s probably best that you ease into your next relationship.”

Bee pouted. She knew as much, and her heart was telling her the same. The lack of transparency was driving her crazy, though.

“If he wanted to take it slow, he could just tell me,” Bee pointed out. “I would at least like to know what’s going on in that brain of his.”

“You could always ask,” Claire said. “You know better than to keep things vague. Why not ask him what the trajectory of the relationship is going to look like?”

Bee snorted, nearly choking on her smoothie. “I’m not going to Dieter fucking Bravo and asking him what the trajectory of our relationship will look like.”

Claire laughed, too, and then glanced at her Apple Watch.

“Time to go?” Bee asked.

“Yup,” Claire said, rising from her seat. “Did you practice that big betrayal scene last night?”

Bee nodded and stood from the table as well. The two of them headed toward the door together. “Yeah, I hope I didn’t keep you up with my yelling in a British accent.”

“As if,” Claire elbowed her in the side. “I took an Ambien and was out.”

“Girl,” Bee said, a little note of concern in her voice.

“I can’t sleep during filming stuff like this,” Claire explained. “All this pressure to have a comeback is kind of eating me alive.”

Bee’s shoulders sagged. Claire’s worries were much more serious than her own, and she felt slightly guilty that she had filled their alone time with useless whining about Dieter when her friend was clearly going through something more important.

“That sounds like something you should definitely talk to a therapist about,” Bee said. “Like a for real therapist.”

“I am,” Claire said, unlocking the doors to her car. “Where do you think I got the Ambien script from?”

“That’s good, though. Is there anything else they said would help with it?” Bee asked. “Or is it something that you just kind of have to live through?”

“A bit of both,” Claire shrugged and started the car, waiting for Bee to buckle her seatbelt before backing out of the parking space. “But rehearsals are almost over, and filming starts in a week. And then, once filming starts, I will be too tired to worry, and once filming ends, we will be too busy touring and doing promo to worry, and then after the promo, it comes out. And then…my fate is sealed.”

Bee looked out the window as Claire navigated toward the freeway. The steady Los Angeles sun was high in the sky, as it usually was when they finished up their morning routine and headed toward the studio together. Today, there was not a cloud in the sky, not even the wispy ones that made you think there would be a small reprieve from the blistering sun.

“That sounds healthy,” Bee said. “Fate sealed and all.”

“All we can do is the best we can at any given moment,” Claire said, taking a deep breath in and a strong exhale out. Her fingertips gripped the steering wheel, white knuckles and all. “I’m just trying my best.”

“You’re doing great,” Bee assured her. “Really great.”

A solid brick of guilt stood firm in Bee’s stomach. Claire was an unrelentingly good friend to her, but she found it difficult to return the favor. Why? Why did she have to bring up Dieter, and why hadn’t she noticed that Claire was struggling so?

The radio hummed on a low volume setting, pumping slow, rhythmic bass. A Bad Bunny song, or so Bee thought. She wasn’t sure, but Claire listened to a lot of Latin music.

Claire remained silent. Her eyes focused on the road as she wove between cars and navigated the traffic. She was stunningly beautiful, with sharp cheekbones and a jawline that would make any girl envious. Her hair wasn’t natural, but it was still breathtaking all the same.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Bee asked. “With the anxiety or with anything?”

Claire came to a complete stop behind a long line of cars in the exit lane. She turned to Bee and smiled with soft pink lips. “You’re doing exactly all the right things to help. Having you to go through this with is more than I could have ever asked for.”

Tears reached the corner of Bee’s eyes at her words. She had never been encouraged to keep female friendships in her past relationships, and Claire had truly been the best friend she had ever had. Bee reached over and playfully smacked Claire on the knee.

“What was that for?” Claire asked.

“Being a good friend and making me tear up,” Bee said.

Claire laughed. “I’m just trying to help. It’s called method acting.”

The two women pulled up to the studio at the same time as the other actors scheduled for the day. They were practicing a variety of scenes throughout the week, as it was the last week before filming. There were several scenes that needed more work, including a large-scale argument between Bee’s character, Dieter’s character, and Claire’s character. There were also three — THREE — sex scenes that still needed to be er — choreographed between Dieter and herself.

But those would be reserved for the last day of rehearsal. The thought of them hadn’t made Bee very nervous while she was still so frustrated with how reserved he had been. With Dieter’s womanizing reputation, his slow-going approach to dating her was so confusing, she almost wasn’t even excited for it.

Claire was right. It was a sign that Bee needed to be the one to start the conversation about what they were and what direction they were heading in.

“Wow, everyone is here early,” Sammi, the director, remarked. “Good, we have a lot to get through. Dieter and Bee, we’ve got the first encounter scene to get through again. Beverly and I were looking over the blocking for this scene, and we decided we hate it.”

Dieter laughed from behind Bee so loud that Bee could almost feel his waves of joy.

“I hated it too,” Dieter agreed. “I’m excited to see what you two have come up with.”

Bee turned to the side enough to welcome Dieter fully into the conversation. He smiled at her, the corners of his mouth and mustache pulling up in a greeting. She would never get used to the way that he looked at her.

“It’s much more accidental touching, blushing virgin than before,” Beverly offered. “We’re doing regency era, so we think she should be a little more embarrassed than outraged. Especially since Dieter is so hot and she’s unmarried.”

Bev was one of the producers with the most input, and with her gorgeous dark curls that fell to her waist, she could almost be one of the actresses herself. It took all of Bee’s newfound confidence in herself to not feel inferior to her.

“I can do a blushing virgin,” Bee said with a laugh. “It’s actually a refreshing departure from being an angry virgin.”

Her character, Celine, was known for being hot-headed and quick to react. These traits contrasted heavily with Dieter’s character, Duncan, and his calm, cool, and collected approach. Their relationship was much different than the enemies-to-lovers hot-headed pairing from the second season of the main series, Bridgerton. With every verbal lashing that her character gave to Dieter’s, he only responded with poise and respect.

To be entirely truthful, his character and his acting were hotter than anything Bee had ever seen on tv. He was somehow submissive and authoritative. Respectful and raunchy. Humorous and intelligent.

There were eerie similarities between Dieter and his character, and they never failed to make Bee feel like she was melting when they were doing scenes together.

Dieter set his bag and snacks down in the area for the cast and accepted a freshly cold bottle of ice water from one of the assistants. The rehearsal period for this show was slightly drawn out, but that was part of the attention to detail that Netflix put into this series, or so Bee had been told.

“Bee and Dieter in 2 minutes, please,” Sammi said from her director’s chair. She faced a plain white sheet set up, similar to how the large studio space had been arranged for Bee’s audition. Most of the blocking and practice they were doing was without set pieces or costumes, which made for inventive rehearsal.

This was all an effort to save cash before shipping the cast off to England to film most of the show in real, period settings. Bee had never traveled internationally before and needed to get a rushed passport and certificates for Fudgy and Mallow to join her.

Bee set her own bag down and grabbed a bottle of water from the same assistant. “Thank you,” she said earnestly. She was always careful to say please and thank you to the support staff on set. She knew how it felt to be ignored and underappreciated.

“Ready to get started?” Dieter asked with a cheeky smile. “You look great today.”

Bee resisted the urge to scowl. The compliments were endless with Dieter, but the confirmation of his true intentions was left to be desired. She would leave the conversation for out-of-work hours, though. There would be no mixing of work with pleasure for them, despite the fact that rehearsal sometimes left her lips bruised from the passion of his kisses.

Meaningless ones, though. There were no kisses outside of work hours, so Bee simply didn’t count them. But holy shit, they were incredible. Every time, the breath was taken away from her completely, and the tingles that she felt from her fingertips to her toes were indescribable.

“Thank you,” Bee said. “You do, too.”

Maybe the compliments were a work thing too – though that wasn’t fair, he gave her plenty of compliments on their few dates. Ever since their beachside romance, they had been consistently flattering.

“I practiced this one a lot last night,” he confessed. “I think this scene really sets us up well.”

“Yeah, it does,” Bee agreed.

Dieter shot her a look, one that displayed his confusion but was subtle enough that Bee felt she could ignore it.

It was going to be a long day of pretending to fall madly in love with Dieter Bravo – as if she wasn’t already doing so. Bee followed Dieter over in front of Sammi and Bev to work out the new positioning for the scene. They pulled their scripts out first and worked through the scene.

The story starts with an interaction that places their two characters in a compromising position, where after a slip and a fall, Duncan’s hand ends up on Celine’s breast as he helps her to her feet. The initial interpretation of this scene left Bee playing the scene as utterly outraged and shaking mad, but the new angle was that she would act more embarrassed than anything.

The change was easy enough. Truthfully, it was how Bee felt whenever she interacted with Dieter. He continued to make her feel like she was inexperienced.

“Shall we try it out then?” Sammi asked, putting on a fake British accent.

“We shall,” Bee joked, taking several steps back away from Dieter to reset the scene.

Dieter did the same, and the two of them waited for Sammi’s direction to start the scene over. She waved in a gesture for them to begin, and Bee stalked forward with her fists at her side. Her character was looking for Willa, Claire’s character, but she was nowhere to be found. Around the corner, Duncan, Dieter’s character, could be seen doing the exact same thing, except he was looking for his brother.

“Okay, stop,” Sammi said when they were just steps away from each other. Both Bee and Dieter froze where they stood, facing each other. “Let’s take this in slow motion. Bee put your right foot forward. Dieter, then your left foot.”

They followed her instructions, and the movement put Dieter’s ankle right against Bee’s.

“So, you’re going to be wearing a floor-length gown here, Bee,” Sammi explained. “Dieter will have stepped on it with this motion, which means when you move your left foot forward, you will turn, spin, and drop right into his arms with your back facing his chest.”

Sammi stood and demonstrated the action. It was a classic romantic trick, except the gag here would be that when Dieter pulled her back up, he would do so with his hand on her chest. Bee acted out the motion, pretending to slip, spin, and drop into Dieter’s arms.

“Is this alright?” Dieter whispered to her, knowing what came next. It was completely out of character, and Bee had already agreed to what came next by virtue of acting out the scene. Still, he insisted on making sure she was okay before he touched her every time.

The gesture was enough to make Bee melt, but she avoided showing it for fear of breaking character herself. He slowly placed his hand on her chest, mostly hovering over it. Bee followed the motions that Sammi and Bev had explained, looking down at Dieter’s hand, up to his eyes, and then back down to his hand.

Bee screamed, only to have Dieter’s hand clamp down on her mouth to cover her outburst. They couldn’t risk getting caught, but the action only made it look more like Dieter’s character was meaning to be inappropriate with her on purpose.

“Shh, shh,” Dieter said, urging her to be silent so that he could explain. “It was an accident. I tripped on your gown.”

He was no longer touching her chest, but his hand was still covering her mouth, not trusting her to not scream for help. According to those times, he had spoiled her honor, and if there were any witnesses, he might be forced to marry her. As a man avoiding marriage until he fell in love, he didn’t want to be paired with a stranger.

Bee spoke against Dieter’s hand clamped on her mouth, but there was no way for her to, be understood.

“Are you going to scream again?” Dieter asked her, looking deeply into her eyes. When they shot this for real, he would be looking both at her and at the camera in two separate shots, but the point was the same.

Bee shook her head ‘no.’ At this point, she had presumably started to understand the consequences of what had happened if anyone had seen.

“I tripped on your dress, and I tried to make sure you weren’t going to get hurt,” he explained, exasperated. “If you need me to defend your honor and marry you, so be it. But I don’t want to marry just anyone. I want to marry for love, do you understand me?”

“Sure,” Bee squeaked. “Love, yes, great, as long as no one is around.” She started to disentangle her limbs from his and move away from him.

“We shouldn’t be unchaperoned anymore,” Dieter insisted, standing and pulling Bee to her feet as well. “It was nice meeting you, um…” He trailed off, uncertain of her name. A small pout was affixed on his mouth. 

“Celine,” Bee said quickly before moving past him and out of the bounds of their set. Her character knew who Duncan was, and she didn’t need any further confirmation of who he was. Only that he was the most eligible bachelor of the year.

“Excellent!” Sammi said, clapping her hands together. Beverly was also clapping, and others around the studio joined in, too. “That was perfect. That is exactly what we need to go for. Duncan wants capital L, Love. And Celine wants it too, but she’s waited so long to look for it that she’s scared. That perfectly embodied it right there!”

Dieter raised his hand up toward Bee for a high five, and she happily gave it to him. He then pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her and then releasing her.

It was crazy to her how easy Dieter made acting for her. With him, she felt like she could live a thousand different lifetimes. She believed the stories he wove and felt safe in expressing her feelings opposite him with any story they might have to tell together.

One scene and all of the bitterness that she had held for him this morning had completely drifted away, nonexistent. There would have to be a conversation about it at some point, she couldn’t go on having “dates” with him forever with no roadmap, but she knew that she needed to take her time after her breakup. And, if they would end up together, she wanted to enjoy the process of falling in love with Dieter.

She had already had plenty of experience loving him from afar, but these little moments were different. There was an unsurprisingly big difference between staring at photos of him on social media and looking at him in real life.

“You were amazing,” Dieter said to Bee. “I swear, every day, you are closer and closer to winning awards with your acting, Bee. I can’t believe you got here all the way from Disney. You’re meant to be here.”

Bee blushed, the flush spreading thick across her cheeks. “You’re too much,” she joked. “You and all of your compliments.”

“I’m just telling the truth,” Dieter said. “Besides, we’ve got to go do Disney again soon, don’t we?”

“We do,” Bee said with an easy grin. Their very first shoot together was a fond memory of hers, with the desserts that she had designed and the surprise of meeting Dieter for the first time. It was almost as treasured as their very first date or their very first kiss (although it was on set).

Sammi looked over her notes for a bit as Dieter and Bee made small chit-chat about a party they had both attended over the weekend. It was a small — for Hollywood — get together for a mutual friend of Dieter and Claire’s.

“Okay,” Sammi said, clapping her hands together. “I want to run another Bee and Dieter only scene really quick while I have you two here, and then we’ll pull in Claire for the next scene.”

“Sounds good,” Dieter said with a smile.

Ugh, that smile. Bee’s heart was thumping again.

The next scene was a classic scene from a bodice ripper, where the man who has been so far emotionally unavailable finally confesses his love and affection despite communicating poorly for the entire rest of the piece.

The scene felt like cruel irony as Bee and Dieter navigated it. She held his hands as he confessed his feelings to her character, but he kept having to stop and start over due to difficulty with his lines.

“I have known it—.” Dieter sighed, stopping and starting over again. “I have known it was you since the very start. Since that day that I bumped into you completely by accident, I have known that you were the one.”

Bee looked at him, pushing tears to well to the corners of her eyes. This wasn’t even really acting. It was low-hanging fruit. She was doing exactly what she felt like doing at this moment. She wanted to cry! She wanted to grab him by his shoulders and shake him and say, “Hey, real life Dieter, what have we been doing for the past month?”

“I told you that I would only marry if it was a love match,” he explained further. “All I wanted in my life was to be with someone that I loved, and so I waited.”

“I waited too,” Bee said. “I waited because I was scared, though. I was afraid of love, Duncan. I’ve never been ready to give myself to another person. For years I told my mother that I would not court men and that I wasn’t ready. Thank God she listened.”

“But you don’t need to be scared,” Dieter assured her. “Celine, as long as you love me, you—fuck.”

Dieter pulled his eyes away from her and looked over to Sammi for the rest of his line. His cheeks were burning red at the tops of them, and his bottom lip was tucked under his top lip in frustration.

“You never need to…” Sammi offered, trying to encourage him to come up with the rest of the line on his own.

“Celine, as long as you love me, you never have to be afraid of love ever again,” he said firmly.

Bee watched as his tongue swept over his bottom lip. Then, she looked back up at his eyes, holding the eye contact steady.

“Do you promise me?” Bee asked. “That if I love you, you will love me back?”

Dieter laughed, shaking his head. He was still fully in character, but the words that left his mouth suggested something otherwise. “That’s not how it works, Bee.”

“Celine,” Sammi called out. “Celine!”

Bee could feel her heart threatening to pound its way out of her chest. Her hands were quickly growing damp in Dieter’s, and she was struggling to hold his eye contact any further. Hearing her name on his lips in this context made her feel dizzy. Lovesick.

“Crap, Celine,” Dieter swore. He flashed her a nervous smile and looked up at the ceiling, chanting. “Celine, Celine, Celine.”

“Back up,” Sammi instructed, flipping back a page in her script. “From Bee’s last line.”

“Do you promise me?” Bee asked again. “That if I love you, you will love me back?”

Dieter did the same motion, laughing and shaking his head. “That’s not how it works, Celine.”

Bee took a deep breath in, looking at him with wide-open eyes, waiting for what he will say next. Dieter’s character doesn’t elaborate, instead waiting for her to concede.

“How does it work?” she asks, her voice just above a whisper. She channels the fear that she really feels with him, the unsafeness of her heart.

“I think,” Dieter says, reaching a hand up to caress her cheek. “I think you just hold your breath and dive in.”

“Perfect!” Sammi shrieked, throwing her arms up in the air.

A stack of papers fluttered to the ground with the grandness of her action, and the sound made Bee flinch. Dieter’s hand still rested on her cheek, his skin somehow warm against her flushed skin.

“Let’s have you run that one more time, just because I want to see it again. But somehow, you’ve done it again, and you’ve both gotten this just entirely perfect. Isn’t their chemistry just insane?”

Bev nodded her response, and as Bee turned to look at her, she caught something that looked like jealousy pasted upon Beverly’s face.

****

The rest of the week passed by as normal, with rehearsal after rehearsal polishing up scenes that they had already accomplished. Some of the cast and crew had already left for England in anticipation of filming, but Dieter, Claire, and Bee would be among the last to join them.

Today’s rehearsal was thin as a result, consisting of just Dieter and Bee for the morning. Claire would join them later — a first which Bee wasn’t sure she as ready for. Something about having Claire drive her to rehearsal each day had been a confidence builder. With today being the intimacy test and rehearsal, Bee’s nerves were at an all-time high.

Bee had been making careless mistakes all morning, even going so far as to accidentally drop Fugdy’s leash on their morning walk, sending the small dog sprinting down the road. He had come back to her as soon as she called out his name, but still…what a way to start the morning.

“Good morning,” Dieter said from beside her, starting to pour himself a cup of coffee at the refreshments table. Bee had been standing there for a minute, zoning out with a glazed donut in her hand.

How embarrassing.

“Morning,” Bee said, taking a bite of her donut and grabbing a napkin.

“Did you sleep alright?” Dieter asked a note of concern in his voice. “I got your text this morning about Fudgy almost making his great escape.”

She had texted him this morning. A double text at that.

A true moment of weakness.

And he hadn’t responded. His avoidance of their closeness or any clarification on their relationship had only gotten worse the closer to filming they got. Every love scene they practiced drew Bee closer and closer to wanting to shake him.

They still texted, still grabbed lunch together on set, and still joked together just as easily as before. The only thing that was awkward was the lack of clarification and Bee’s subsequent insecurity about it all.

Maybe it was just her. Maybe she was ruining it.

“Yeah, I wasn’t paying attention, and Fudgy got loose. He’s a good boy, though. He came right back as soon as I yelled for him, but he got pretty far,” Bee said with a shrug.

Dieter frowned. “That’s scary. I love that little guy.”

Behind her eyes, Bee could see Dieter curled up on the couch with Fudgy under one arm and a glass of wine in his open hand. That was just a couple of nights ago when Bee and Claire had invited him over to watch the episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race they had missed the Friday before.

“He loves you,” Bee smiled. “But Mallow’s heart is firmly with Claire. There’s no interrupting that.”

Dieter nodded and took a sip of his hot coffee. “I’m honestly worried you won’t be able to move away from her. You’ll have to leave him behind.”

Bee laughed. “Honestly, I might have to just stay with Claire forever. Or maybe when one of us gets married, we buy a whole cul de sac, like in Sister Wives or something.”

Dieter looked confused. “I don’t know what you mean.”

For a man, Dieter was pretty well-versed with pop culture, but it appeared the latest Sister Wives rewatch craze hadn’t taken hold of him just yet.

“The Mormon fundamentalist guy with four wives but like all of his wives just left him recently,” Bee said in between a bite of her donut. “The wives used to live in like four separate houses, but the dude would just rotate between every night.”

“Oh so,” Dieter said with a pointed finger like he knew the answer. “Mallow would be the husband, and you and Claire are the Sister Wives.”

“Right,” Bee said. “And if you’re involved, then Fudgy can rotate between me and you. I think that works out well.”

“Sounds good to me,” Dieter laughed. “I think that’s a win-win.”

Bee tried to imagine what that life would be like if her and Claire and Dieter just all remained friends. She could really only see herself with him. She was hungry for the fairytale romance that had begun to shape up toward the beginning. The bought-out restaurant on the beach…she could see herself growing old and returning there with him. With deep lines pressed into his skin and an easy smile on his face as he held her hand and looked out to the water.

“Are you ready for today?” Bee asked, trying not to focus on longing for the future.

Instead, she chose to fight fire with fire and illuminate the other harbinger of her anxiety.

Dieter huffed a laugh. “Yep. It’s been awhile since I’ve had to consult with an intimacy coordinator this much for one project, but it seems like we’ll be banging it out all day.”

Bee shook her head ‘no’. “Nope, don’t say banging.”

“Oh, come on, that’s not fair. I didn’t even mean to do that.”

“Sure, you didn’t,” Bee said, crossing her arms over her chest. She shut her mouth and ended the banter as their director approached the refreshments table, script in hand.

“Good morning, lovebirds,” Sammi said, reaching for a paper cup to fill with coffee. “Ready to work on these scenes?”

“That’s actually what we were just discussing,” Dieter said. “We’re both a little out of practice with intimacy, so we’re excited for the instruction.”

Bee choked slightly on the last bite of her donut. She definitely hadn’t said that, but with Sammi’s wry smile in response, it was apparent that she had gotten the joke.

“Well, it’s a clothes-on rehearsal, so you shouldn’t have to worry too much,” Sammi said, looking for the creamer to add to her coffee. “Should be pretty straightforward.”

Bee let loose the most dramatic sigh of relief. She knew that she would need to be mostly naked for those scenes eventually, but avoiding them today lowered her heart rate considerably.

From the looks of Dieter’s expression, he was relieved too. That familiar goofy sideways smile was perched on his lips.

“Great,” Dieter said, holding his coffee close to his chest. “Saving the best for England, I see.”

Sammi winked at him. “Everything is better in England.”

Dieter laughed and proceeded to banter with Sammi, insinuating that the U.S. is better than England and vice versa. Bee stayed quiet as they did so, a little too overwhelmed to join in on the fun.

“Finish your coffee, and let’s get started?” Sammi asked, taking a seat at her director’s chair.

Bev wasn’t here today, which was another relief for Bee. The producer had been making Bee feel slightly uncomfortable with the intensity in which she looked at her after interacting with Dieter.

Instead, an intimacy coordinator sat next to Sammi, a cute little Korean woman by the name of Mari. She was 100% professional, with a button-down shirt underneath a sweater and a slick-back ponytail to show off her colorful blue glasses.

Bee wasn’t sure what she was to expect from someone who specialized in the workings of TV sex, but someone that looked like a mixture of herself and a professional businesswoman was not what she was expecting.

Bee scolded herself for expecting someone a little slutty looking to be a better fit for the job, but then she laughed to herself. The only other Asian woman she had seen as part of this entire process was going to be the one who would help her pretend to be intimate with Dieter Bravo, of course. As if there wasn’t already a slight chip on her shoulder that left her with something to prove.

“Hi, I’m Mari,” she said, extending her hand toward Bee as she took her place before the director’s chair and the intimacy coordinator’s chair.

Bee shook her hand and smiled. “Hi Mari, I’m Bee.”

“Dieter,” he said from behind her, reaching out to shake Mari’s hand, too.

“Lovely to meet you both,” Mari said. She seemed a little stiff, maybe nervous, but she pulled out three thin binders from the over-the-shoulder bag that hung over the edge of her seat. “One for me, one for each of you.”

Dieter and Bee collected their copies, and each opened the binders. They contained information on the types of protective barriers they would use to help stimulate nudity on the show without actually being naked. The thin strips of fabric made Bee flush deep scarlet.

It had been one thing to kiss Dieter Bravo as part of her job, but this was going to be another thing entirely. She was not ready to make out with Dieter, especially not mostly naked for work. Bee thanked her lucky stars that today’s rehearsal would not be a simulation of the real deal for shooting.

They walked through a number of terms for intimacy, including information on keeping consent on set and a bunch of other details that Bee found herself thankful for. Then, they discussed the major shots that necessitated those garments, including a shot-by-shot guide.

“So this is going to be kind of like in slow motion?” Dieter asked, clarifying.

“Yes!” Mari said excitedly. “These shots are all little glimpses of intimacy. Just enough to tease and help viewers insinuate what is happening. Like in this scene, you can see Duncan’s leg kind of settle between Celine’s leg from the back, so you can presume that he’s like about to—.”

“Right,” Dieter cut her off, surprising Bee with his prudishness. He looked visibly nervous, and a light sheen of sweat covered the bronze skin of his brow. “That makes a lot of sense. So, what are we working on today?”

“Just going over those scenes,” Mari said with a shrug. “It’s really no pressure, but we want you two to get used to the stop-and-start nature of these scenes. It’s not a big, heated make-out session. Instead, it’s more of a choreographed make out, and people aren’t really used to choreographing kissing their partner.”

Dieter stiffened at the use of the word ‘partner.’

Bee nodded, though, in agreement. This was going to be super weird. She and Dieter hadn’t so much as discussed getting to this step together, so the thought of having to simulate it step-by-step in slow motion wasn’t exactly a pleasant one.

Thinking about performing these scenes with Dieter made her feel itchy, like the unrequited statement of whether or not they were a couple who could even go to this next step was sitting just beneath her skin.

“Sounds great,” Bee said. “I’m excited to get started.”

She was lying, but she wasn’t exactly opposed to doing her job.

Mari eagerly set the scene up, referring to the first passionate makeout scene between Duncan and Celine that took place on the floor of a luxe hallway in Duncan’s manor. For them, it would be on the cement floor of the studio, but the motions and actions were all the same.

They started their scene with Dieter backing her against the wall, which was everything Bee could have imagined and more. His lips met hers, hot and aggressive but somehow gentle all the same, and she felt so blissful she nearly forgot her line.

“How dare you kiss me like this,” she said, in character.

Dieter smiled at her and trapped her lips once more.

“Good!” Mari said excitedly. “So, here, we’re going to transfer from the wall to the floor. This is going to be a little bit advanced, so Dieter, you’re going to sweep her leg out from under her in a controlled manner. So, nudge your right foot in behind her left foot, and then make sure your knee is right up against hers.”

Dieter followed her instructions, and Bee’s heart kept thundering away. The heat of Dieter’s body, even between layers of clothing, was overwhelming. His scent was dizzying, and his presence over her was more impressive than any man had ever been. Even though they were doing a choreographed dance of sorts in a studio, he acted as if he was in complete and total control.

“Great, and then your hands are going to go at her waist and behind her back,” Mari instructed. Dieter listened and snaked his arms around her waist, holding her gently and firmly all the same. “Twist and rotate so that your back is against the wall now, Dieter. Bee, this is going to put you into a slight dip.”

The directions reminded her of the couple’s first meeting scene, where Dieter tripped and spun her in a similar manner.

“Oh, this is just like the first meeting scene,” Bee said.

“Exactly!” Sammi said excitedly. “You guys make it look so good!”

Dieter once again mimicked Mari’s instructions and cradled Bee in his arms.

“Now, Bee, you’re going to plan your back foot firmly on the ground and anticipate him pushing you to the ground. It’s sort of a half-lower, half-fall here.”

Bee held her breath and prepared for Dieter to totally drop her on the ground by accident, but he didn’t. Instead, he skillfully lowered her to the ground and himself on top of her. Mari was saying something, something about propping her knee up so that the dress she would be wearing would pool up around them nicely, and Dieter did it for her as he lowered his hips against hers.

This was too overwhelming. It was too hot in here, and there was too much Dieter. As if that could even be possible, but it was. The physical contact with him was a far departure from staying up late and reading Dieter Bravo romance fan fiction. It was farther still from the intimate dates. The seaside restaurant date, the late night drive-in movie date, the —

“I need a break,” Bee blurted out.

As soon as the words passed her lips, Dieter jumped off of her and completely separated his body from her. “I’m sorry,” he said as if it was a reflex.

“N-no, you did nothing wrong,” Bee stammered. “I just need to get some water.”

She felt lightheaded, dizzy even. And she quickly stood up from her spot lying down on the floor, only to topple over into Dieter’s arms once more.

“Yeah, I need water and air,” she insisted, disentangling their limbs. Bee felt sick, deeply ill. She felt like she wanted to laugh and cry all in the same breath. A small part of her – maybe an insane part of her – wanted to call her ex and tell him that he was right. She wanted to tell him that he was right and that she didn’t have what it took to do this in Hollywood.

She wanted to tell him that she knew she wasn’t good enough for Dieter, either.

Bee swiveled and tried to make her exit without looking at Dieter, but he grabbed her by the elbow and stopped her.

“Are you okay?” Dieter asked. His head was lowered near her face, his dark eyes concerned but still bright with the passion that he had been feeling while they kissed.

“Yeah, I’m —,” Bee said, trying to pull away from him. “I just need air.”

Dieter kept hold of her and started to escort her out of the studio. Assistants swarmed around them, but he waved them all off, guiding her by her arm and a gentle hand on her back.

“You’re going to be okay,” he reassured her. “She’s fine, guys. I’m serious. Back off of her. She knows what she needs.”

That was exactly the problem. She knew what she needed, and Dieter wasn’t giving it to her. She felt like she was falling apart, reverting back to toxic dating habits when everything had been going so well. But this was just a symptom of a problem she already knew that she had.

Somewhere along the line, Bee never really learned how to stand up for herself.

Maybe it had to do with her utterly unapproachable mother or the standards that she held for her, but she felt comfortable in a grand total of zero of her personal relationships with asserting herself or letting the other person know how she felt.

She couldn’t do it with her first long-term partner or her second. Hell, she hadn’t even been able to tell Claire that she really wasn’t a fan of sushi despite Claire ordering it three times a week.

These difficulties were there despite how safe she felt in the relationship itself. Bee knew that Claire would never hurt her. She was less certain about Dieter and her heart, but she knew that from a friendship standpoint, at least, he wouldn’t either.

Dieter guided her out of the studio and onto the front steps, helping her sit down and handing her a water bottle that he must have tucked underneath his arm on the way out.

“Here, drink,��� he said, uncapping the bottle and putting it in her hand.

“Thank you,” Bee said, taking a long sip from it. The water helped the lightheadedness immediately, and she downed half the bottle in one big gulp. But that nagging was still there, pulling at her heart and poking at her.

“It’s really intimidating. Not that I’m intimidating, but having to like do something so special with someone in front of other people is hard. It’s not something that normal people have to do,” Dieter explained. “This reaction is totally how I felt with my first role like this. You feel like your body isn’t your own a little bit. And it’s disorienting for sure.”

“Right,” Bee agreed. Well, at least he understood part of the problem. She wasn’t 100% sure that he was going to understand the second aspect of it. But her words were climbing up her throat now and threatening to spill all of her secrets. “I just have to say something to you.”

Dieter raised an eyebrow. “I’m all ears, Bee.”

She turned toward him, knees pointing toward his, and handed the water bottle back to him, mostly to cover up how badly her hands were shaking. Bee took a deep breath in and steadied herself. She had already noticed the pattern, the problem that she had gotten herself into throughout her life of silence when she had an issue with something.

Today was going to end that pattern.

“I feel like this is difficult because of how I feel for you, and I’m unsure of how you feel about me,” she said. “I really like you, and I understand that we should probably take things slow, but I don’t feel comfortable acting like we’re just friends when I feel like there is definitely something more. It’s confusing to me. I don’t need like a confirmation that we’re an item or anything, but I do need to know if that’s something that you’re interested in.”

Dieter looked at her, but his eyes were unreadable. “Yes.”

That was it? Yes?

“Yes?” she asked, trying to clarify.

“Yes, I consider myself to be dating you,” he said with a nod. “I’m sorry if I haven’t stated it clearly, and we probably should’ve had this conversation sooner, but–.”

“No, it’s okay,” Bee interrupted. “I hadn’t said anything either. So it’s my fault, too, then.”

Dieter frowned. “But I’m the one that’s been asking you out on dates, so it’s my responsibility too. I’m just trying to find the balance. I want to see you as a friend, to spend time with you and Claire. I also want to see you as a coworker because I think that we make a really kickass team of actors. But more than anything, I see you as someone that I want to be with. And it’s hard for me to reconcile all of that right now.”

“I understand,” Bee said. His words were a punch to the gut if she had interpreted him correctly. It sounded like he couldn’t have her be all of those things at once, and since he said dating last, that was obviously the lowest item on the agenda. “So, no more dates then?”

Dieter laughed. “No, more dates. I need to prioritize that element of our relationship, obviously.”

Bee felt those familiar butterflies gather in her stomach again. The rising heat that felt a little bit like acid reflux and a little bit like falling deeply, desperately in love. She smiled at him, and he slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.

“I also haven’t done this outside of work yet,” he said, placing his other hand beneath her chin and lifting her face to meet his.

He kissed her hard and soft all the same, just like the day that she auditioned for her role.

But this time, they were not Duncan and Celine.

They were Bee and Dieter.

****

Bee yawned and stretched slightly, looking at the rising sun peeking up from behind the castle. “God, it’s so early.”

“Welcome to Disneyland,” Dieter said, fussing with the collar of his polo shirt. “Disneyland – where I only ever see it before the sun gets in the sky, and thank God for that because it gets damn hot here.”

“Dieter, language,” Bee laughed, throwing him a slight elbow. They were in front of the camera now. All dressed up in front of Sleeping Beauty’s Castle for a return to the first thing they had ever filmed together – the segment where Dieter had tasted her desserts.

The camera crew counted them down, and Dieter took the lead.

“Hey, Disney fans, it’s Dieter here,” Dieter said brightly. He ramped up his personality in a far departure from his grumbling just moments before. “We’re so excited to discuss more about how Disney desserts are created, and we know just how much you loved seeing those incredible Star Wars desserts designed by our friend Bee here!”

“Hi, everyone,” Bee said. “It’s me, Bee, again. I’m so excited to hang out with Dieter again today and show him just how I designed and created the unique Star Wars treats that you can enjoy in the Disney Parks right now!”

Dieter turned to her. “Wait, we can enjoy them today? Like right now in the Parks?”

“Yep!” Bee said. “In any of the confectionaries in the Parks, you can find at least one of my special Star Wars treats. But, if you want to find all of them, you should look no further than Galaxy’s Edge.”

“Cut!” the Disney film crew leader yelled. “Perfect take. Let’s do one more, just in case.”

“You’re doing great, Bee!” Staci yelled from somewhere behind the blinding lights. “Happy birthday, by the way!”

“Thank you, Staci!” Bee yelled back, waving back at the lights.

“Dammit, she said it first,” Dieter complained from beside her.

Bee snorted. “No, she did not. You texted me at midnight and said it twice when you picked me up from my place.”

Dieter pouted. “But she told you happy birthday first at Disneyland.”

“Oh my gosh,” Bee laughed. “Can we just do the second take now? This guy is driving me insane.”

She was only joking, but the film crew indeed picked up the pace. They filmed one more take of that exact intro before heading over in carts to Galaxy’s Edge to show Dieter how to order the treats in Galaxy’s Edge. They also would go over Bee’s notebook, where she had initially designed the desserts.

As Dieter snacked, Bee explained to Dieter and the camera what was in each dessert, similar to the Great British Bakeoff dessert intros. She then explained why she chose certain flavors, design elements, and even the types of desserts. Dieter was acting, but he still hung onto every word like he usually did.

“You’re amazing,” he said, watching her explain. “You’ve got to keep baking even though you’re a big actress now.”

Bee felt herself blush – that wasn’t part of the script, but the crew didn’t stop them from continuing.

“Talented baker extraordinaire and a talented actress all in one!” Dieter said, trying to play off his personal compliment.

“Thank you,” Bee said with a grin. “Now, what do you think of the cookie again?”

“It’s truly, seriously out of this world,” Dieter said, following the script once more.

“Like Tatooine out of this world or Arvala-7?” Bee asked.

“Both,” Dieter said. “Definitely, definitely both.”

“Cut!” the film crew leader yelled. “Perfect work, guys. It looks like we’re going to get out of here early, after all!”

Bee let out a sigh of relief. Thank goodness. Their flight to England was first thing in the morning, and she still didn’t feel remotely ready. She still had to pack and prepare the dogs to be boarded. Her to-do list was so long that her to-do list had a to-do list.

Together, she and Dieter were led through the back of Disney property and back out to Dieter’s car. He had driven her here this morning, insisting that the birthday girl should never have to drive herself to work.

“We have somewhere to be tonight,” Dieter said, putting the car in drive and taking hold of her hand.

“What? No! Dieter, I have to pack for England. I haven’t even started,” Bee complained. “I said no dates, no fanfare. It can be my birthday when we get to London.”

Dieter rolled his eyes as he pulled out of the parking lot. “London time is work time. And you aren’t packing on your birthday.”

“We leave tomorrow for England. Would you like me to be naked in England?” Bee questioned. “Does that sound like a good idea?”

Dieter shrugged and put his turn signal on. “I don’t see much of a problem with it to be honest.”

Bee wrinkled her nose. “Don’t be such a boy.”

“I’m just being honest! But fine, you can pack during the day today, but we go out tonight. Deal?”

“Do I have a choice?” Bee asked. “It’s sounding like I don’t have a choice.”

Dieter laughed. “I had Claire buy you a dress just for the occasion if that answers your question.”

And so Dieter drove her home despite her protests about making a fuss about her birthday. Not only had they just determined that they were dating the week before, but she also never put much thought into her birthday. Getting older was just that to Bee. She was getting older. Her exes never made much of a fuss about her birthday. Those men never bothered to get her so much as a cake from the grocery store.

But here was Dieter, her dream man in the flesh, insisting on a date despite her already packed schedule. She complained only out of nervousness about their big trip to begin filming.

When Dieter pulled up to Bee and Claire’s condo, he got out of the car to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, then the forehead, and then the lips.

“Prettiest birthday girl,” he said, pulling her in for another kiss on the lips. “Pack during the day, okay? And be ready by 7?”

Bee winced. “Sure, I can be ready by 7.”

“Good,” Dieter said. Then, as he was closing himself into his car. “Happy birthday, Bee.”

“You keep saying it!” Bee protested with a laugh.

Bee struggled to pack for London with the upcoming birthday date for this evening. Claire had been gone all day attending various beauty appointments before they had to go, but she did volunteer to help with packing when she got home. Together, they conquered Bee’s packing quickly and finished up just before 2 pm.

Despite the extra time, Bee was thoroughly exhausted. Claire had another couple of appointments to attend to, which left Bee to her own devices. So, she traded the rest of the items on her to-do list for simply finding her passport and taking a nap on the couch. She deserved it. After all, it was her birthday.

Around 5 pm, Claire woke her up with a sparkly gold cocktail dress in her hands.

“Girl, you need to start getting ready,” Claire said. “You’ve got a birthday date in two hours.”

Marshmallow lept up from his spot on Bee’s chest and started panting excitedly that Claire was there.

“Shit, you’re right,” Bee said, peeling herself from the couch. “I’ll start getting ready now. Wait, where are you going?”

Claire was all dressed up like she had somewhere to go, too. She wore a short purple dress and had a matching clutch in her hands. Her blonde hair was perfectly curled in a way that Bee could not replicate for the life of her despite Claire showing her all of her secrets.

“Sammi invited me to a little indie award show. It shouldn’t go too long, so I’ll be home before 10,” Claire said with a shrug.

“Ooh,” Bee said. “A short dress to an award show, I love that for you. Long dresses are the worst.”

Claire looked a bit embarrassed. “Are you sure it’s alright? I know people do it sometimes, but like, this isn’t the Grammy’s or anything.”

“Yeah, you look great!” Bee said, taking the sparkly dress from her. “I’m sure I’ll look great in this, too. Your style is insane, Claire.”

Claire looked at the time on her phone and started heading toward the front door with Mallow trailing behind her. “Okay, well, I need to get going. Have fun, birthday girl!”

“Have fun!” Bee called after her. “Mallow, baby, come here.”

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Bee yawned and headed for the bathroom, where she started on her hair and makeup. The dress was gold, so she decided on gold eyeshadow. With how nice the dress was, it was clear that Dieter had something really nice for her birthday in mind. Her heart was pounding even while she was doing mindless tasks like applying her mascara.

[Dieter]: Here! 😘

“Shit,” Bee said aloud. She fumbled around her bedroom, looking for her keys and a small purse. “Shit, shit, shit.”

Finally, having located her belongings, she locked Marshmallow and Fudgy up and joined Dieter in his car.

Dieter was suspiciously quiet as he drove toward WeHo. It wasn’t a long drive, but even ten minutes without a vocal Dieter was too long.

“What are you up to, sneaky?” Bee asked after a while. “I’m not used to this birthday treatment.”

Dieter sucked his teeth. “That’s the problem. You need to get used to surprises and stop asking so many questions.”

The way he said it was playful, but Bee took the hint and remained as patient as possible while he drove them toward their destination.

The outside of the building was unassuming and tan, and it looked almost like someplace where celebrities wouldn’t be caught dead at. But, with this being West Hollywood, Bee guessed it was probably much nicer on the inside.

Dieter got out of the car and opened Bee’s door for her, leading her into the building by her hand.

The inside of the restaurant was indeed fancy, and she wasn’t quite sure if it was a restaurant, a bar, or a nightclub. Gorgeous chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and the whole space felt like a time capsule.

“What is this place?” Bee asked. Her cocktail dress was glittering like the room was, shimmering gold and reflective. “Where have you taken me?”

“This is Delilah,” Dieter said with a smile. “It’s got a really cool 1920s theme. I think Kylie Jenner had a birthday party here or something, so it felt fitting.”

Bee laughed. “I am not anything like Kylie Jenner, no offense to her.”

“I’m sure she’s not offended,” Dieter laughed. They held hands as they walked further into the restaurant, which suspiciously had no host at the host stand. “But you do have birthdays, just like Kylie Jenner does.”

“Wh-?” the question reached her lips and disappeared all in the same moment as Dieter led her around the corner to a room full of people all seated around glittering gold decor.

She spotted Claire, Staci, and Sammi in just one quick glance. But what pulled her eyes away was a bright, gold neon sign on the wall that displayed the word “BEE,” surrounded by an arrangement of stunning white roses.

“SURPRISE!” the room cheered. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEE!”

Chapter 13 | Series Masterlist

[convivialcamera]

Let’s talk smack about Outlander S5E1!

I’ve got cake and a Bulleit bourbon on the rocks and a lot of things to say, so I’m just gonna let it rip.

1. Baby Jamie’s hair is the wrong color and it’s gonna drive me nuts. But, Murtagh is breaking my heart.

2. I really disliked the new theme song on first listen and honestly, it grew on me this time around.

3. I know we’re supposed to have totally forgiven Roger for whatever the fuck happened in season four, but I do love that Jamie is totally ripping into him ... pretty much constantly. 

4. “The Big House” is patently absurd. Beautiful, but totally and utterly absurd. Can’t wait for it to burn the fuck down!

5. Claire’s in “nothing but a loving wife and mother” mode here, and it’s totally boring me to tears. I miss her.

6. WHY do we run through “Something new, something old, etc.” twice? Who wrote this?

7. So the tea is that I haven’t watched season four since it first aired, but I’m pretty sure Bree was still pretty pissed at Jamie when the season ended. So, why is she all “I don’t have to imagine you” and “I’ll always be your wee girl?” It’s sweet, but also out of nowhere. MOVING ON.

7a. WHAT DID THEY DO TO ELLEN’S PEARLS?

8. What the shit is up with the whole “THE FRASERS OF THE RIDGE ARE HERE” and applause and shit? Bree’s barely a Fraser and she’s about to become a MacKenzie and I don’t understand the form of this wedding procession at all. Ah, yes, we are shoehorning in lines from the book. How original. And Claire’s little pep talk to Roger is SO FUCKING TRITE. “The two of you together can conquer the world,” my butt. WHO IS WRITING THIS I HAVE NOTES.

9. HOW DARE THEY FLASHBACK TO “THE WEDDING.” HOW THE FUCK DARE THEY. The whole fandom’s got every frame of that episode burned into the back of their corneas and they have the audacity to invoke the ghost of a way better show in this... mess? OK I want Bree and Roger to work as a couple on this show but it would really be in season five’s best interest to keep season one off its proverbial lips.

EDITED TO ADD 9a. Jamie complains about Bree and Roger’s ceremony being in English and not Latin, and then the show immediately flashes back to Claire and Jamie’s wedding... IN ENGLISH. UNFORCED ERROR. Just, skip the flashbacks. It’s better this way.

10. Gov. Tryion is interesting. As bored as I was with the cliffhanger last season (because yeah, Jamie is gonna hunt down his beloved godfather, sure), this is good.

11. JAMIE IS TELLING EVERYONE ROGER IS A HERETIC. The pettiness! The shade! I live! {I swear they need to give Claire something to do because if I’m stanning JAMMF we have a problem.}

12. Reminder that Aunt Jocasta is a slave owner. That is all.

13. Roger’s comment about doing the whole wedding again “when we go back” is ACTUALLY INTERESTING. He thinks he’s going back sometime soonish? Oooo, good conflict, show!

14. I’m still trying to figure out the rules to the drinking game led by John Quincy Meyers. You say a rhyme without messing it up, and you can forefit or fail and then forfeit, and then you pass it to someone else in the circle? But if you get it right you have to come up with a new one? It sounds like fun and I wanna hang with Fergus and Marsali because they are so clearly the cool kids. LOVE THEM.

15. “Some Shakespeare?” Poor LGJ. Too proper for his own good at all times. 

16. OK. The flashback to Bonnet raping Bree is SO VERY UNNECESSARY. It was already in the “Previously on Outlander” bit. This show is way too fucking casual with violence against women. It’s gross. That ep is a whole half of why I’ll probably never watch season four again, and then they just throw it in again. Bree’s reaction is ENOUGH. The rape was unnecessary in season four, it was way too graphic in season four, and it’s very much unneeded here. 

17. Reminder that Aunt Jocasta is a slave owner. That is all.

18. I know The Beatles are probably way out of this show’s budget (they spent it all on that damn house), and as cute as Roger’s singing is... OH GOD THE SEX MONTAGE.

19. I would like to propose a new rule. If show is going to continue to do graphic sex scenes, which they had fucking better, ONLY ONE GENERATION AN EPISODE. For example, if Claire and Jamie are banging, Bree and Roger  can’t. If Murtagh is getting it on, Claire and Jamie have to wait. Bree and Roger and Fergus and Marsali can do it in the same episode, that’s cool, they’re the same generation. But the three generations of graphic banging in one montage is WEIRD. MOVING ON.

20. I was so excited in season three when the show totally supplanted Duncan Innes with a pair of fake Rupert and Anguses, because Duncan Innes is not a character that works for me in the books. So I’m pretty deeply disappointed that he’s back in season five. I am very worried we’re setting up Duncan being cuckolded by Jocasta and Ulysses, you know, the man she owns as a slave, but they could also be setting the stage for Duncan being cuckolded by Jocasta and Murtagh -- and I want so much better for Murtagh!

21. LIZZIE WEYMMS AND JOSIAH BEARDSLEY! WE’RE GONNA GET LIZZIE AND HER TWO HUSBANDS! It’s one of my more fave plot lines in book six, which is truly faint praise considering how much I dislike “A Breath of Snow and Ashes,” and it cracks me up every time. She, just, outfoxes everyone so slyly! It’s good and cray cray shit. 

22. Reminder that Aunt Jocasta is a slave owner. That is all.

23. Doctor Claire! Love her. But it’d be nice if the show was back on her bullshit, not everyone else’s.

24. If this season ends with Murgagh’s head on a spike in New Berne, I’m gonna be pissed. 

25. Here’s the thing about the blood oath. Roger does it in the book kind of for Jamie’s benefit, to prove himself publicly in a language Jamie understands. Bree isn’t into this shit. Why is he doing it for her? 

26. Claire’s assertion that “The men of the Ridge would do anything for” Jamie assumes so many facts not in evidence. Why are they making her so dumb? It’s FRUSTRATING. 

27. MY CAKE FELL.

28. OK, the kilt thing is good. Doesn’t make up for my cake falling. My fave part was the multiple shots of Jamie’s knees, like show knows about all the knee smut or something. 

29. Well, they went full cross burning. Couldn’t stop them, I suppose. I am entirely horrified anyone thought this was at all appropriate or not entirely inflammatory (no pun intended); intellectually I was surprised how much the celtic cross mitigated the visceral horror of cross-burning imagery for me, personally. It’s still not good and they should not have done it because WTF. There’s really no getting around how fucking racist this is. Please fuck off with this shit.

30. “Stand by my hand Fergus, son of my name and of my heart” was the sweetest. FERGUS! 

31. WHY DO THEY HAVE A SECOND CROSS ALREADY MADE? WHY ARE CLAIRE AND JAMIE RANDOMLY STANDING BY IT? WHY IS IT ON A CLIFF? IS INSTAGRAM A THING YET? THEY REALLY DID THIS FOR THE AESTHETIC.

32. NOOOOOOOOO. Jamie releasing Murtagh from his oath. MY HEART. Again: If this season ends with Murtagh’s head on a spike I’m going to be very pissed. 

33. Murdina and Arch Bug were in the credits so that will be exciting at some point, one assumes!

34. But my god, GIVE ME CLAIRE OR GIVE ME DEATH.

[ibythetidepromotions]

An interview with Wormhole

Thank you for your time, Could you introduce yourselves to the readers?

Noni: Thank you so much for having us! I am Sanil Kumar, but everyone calls me Noni. I play guitar in Wormhole. 

Ansh : Hello, you FILTHY readers, I'm Ansh, I've been the vocalist for Wormhole for about two years now, as well as guitar for Noisays, Codex Orhova and Perihelion.

Sanjay : I am Sanjay, I play guitar in Wormhole as well as Equipoise and Greylotus

How did Wormhole come to be?

Noni : Wormhole started sometime in 2015 between Sanjay and I, but really this band has been together for a lot longer than that. We’d known each other and been playing music together for a while but stopped for a bit in 2015. At that time Sanjay and I just write and release some music of our own. We saw how other slam bands at the time were making music in their homes and were able to cultivate a cult following through social media and Slam Worldwide and we thought if we could get a small following like that it would have been really cool if we could manage to get a couple people into our music.

So Sanjay and I had some doodles from our old band(s) that we more or less put together for an album and released it under the name Wormhole. Since it was just the two of us at that time, we needed to find a vocalist. We ended up having Duncan Bentley from Vulvodynia do most of the vocals. This must have been right after he finished recording his parts for their album Psychosadistic Design. That resulted in Genesis which was released in 2016.

Ansh: Back in the day we had a comedy slam band called Rotting Phallus that we all left except the vocalist. Later, Sanjay and Sanil used some of their Rotting Phallus tracks, wrote some new tracks, and released Genesis under the name Wormhole. Matt and I joined the band again and we started to really find our sound. New and improved, now with ugly-ol' BASIL, all has been smooth sailing!

Sanjay: Technically Wormhole was originally a ‘comedy slam band’ in 2014 called Rotting Phallus.  Noni, Ansh, Matt and I were all a part of this.  The band kind of died and we stopped being a band because we had a toxic asshole vocalist who we all hate now.  When the band died noni and I got duncan and recorded all the OG Rotting Phallus tunes under the name Wormhole.

On the start of 2020 you guys released ‘The Weakest Among Us’ the cover art reminds me of a boss fight about to happen in some Doom/Halo-esque battle, what is the story behind the cover art?

Noni: You’re kinda close haha. The cover was inspired by the Metroid Prime series. We are super inspired by those games in more ways than one. There is a cut scene before a boss battle in one of the games that we based the cover art off of. We’ve been really inspired by the soundtrack too. It sets such a cool vibe.Sanjay and I grew up playing those games, and we’ve played them over and over. The universe, atmosphere, character design, everything about those games is so cool to us. Pretty metal. If it weren’t for those games I don’t know what I would make this band about.

Ansh: Sanjay and Sanil are BIG and STUPID nerds who like SPACE and other SILLY THINGS like METROID PRIME and ANIME.

Sanjay: Metroid Prime is the main source of visual and lyrical inspiration, but I love Doom (especially Doom 3) and you can tell I think Mancubus looks brutal as fuck.

Since the world is at a standstill for the foreseeable future and you released  ‘The Weakest Among Us’ on the top of 2020 how hard has it been to get the word out about the album since no one can tour currently?

Noni: It has been really shitty having tours cancelled and not being able to promote the album properly, but we also know that we are not the only ones in this boat so there is no sense in complaining I feel. Social media is our friend though and people still seem to be pretty responsive to the album anyway.  

It seems like going forward, bands are going to have to figure out how to do this anyway. So, if Wormhole (or any band) isn’t really working out because we can’t tour, then we have to figure something out.

Ansh: In general I've been happy with the online support but not being able to tour is beyond frustrating. As tough as it can be at times, touring is kinda like the celebration of your music and all the hard work you put into it, so not being able to get that live show release is truly devastating. Compounded with the potential fans we could have made and merch we could have sold, it's more than a bummer. But all the love and support the record has gotten online has also been one of the only things keeping me sane whilst I'm stuck in my house.

Sanjay: It’s definitely not as easy since touring is one of the main ways to reach new audiences but it’s not as hard when you have some dedicated fans who genuinely love spreading some Wormhole gospel.  Those fans are the realest MVPs in these trying times.

I always find it fascinating when the band's cover art describes what the album is going to sound like, when talking to the artist how do you project your ideas out of your head coherent enough to be understood?

Sanjay: We kind of got lucky with Lordigan (the artist of both covers) on Genesis.  We were kind of winging it and knew we just wanted a slam monster album cover.  We had some help from my bud Ryan Wolanski on getting the colors we wanted as well.  With TWAU I had a general idea of the color scheme and setting we wanted.  Lordigan was very aware of the Doom/Space Marine aesthetic so it was not hard to communicate.  Our album cover is not really a reflection of the music I would say because we kind of just pick what we want because it’s cool and we’ve seen similar things work for other bands.

Ansh: I usually just get an artist I really love and ask them to listen to the music and draw whatever comes to them, but maybe that's why I'm not allowed to do merch for Wormhole. 

Noni: We just tried to be specific and nit-picky. The most important thing for our artwork was to have a center focus, the classic slam monster, with a few other things to look at in the background/foreground. The album’s production wasn’t going to be super futuristic and modern, so the color scheme kind of reflected that. We wanted more browns to dominate the image, to give a bleak and miserable vibe. We went to Lordigan Pedro Sana for both of our albums and he was super responsive to every change we wanted to make. The best thing for them is a reference in my experience, especially if you can find something in artwork they made to use as a reference.

I see the album artwork as just as big a part of the album as any of the songs or riffs. The way I see it, both the music and the artwork and song titles all work together to create a vibe and atmosphere. They need to feed into each other. Not only that, they need to somehow stand out from the other million extreme metal records being released everywhere. It’s really important and one of the places I see newer/local bands cutting corners or not going all in, and maybe settling for something that isn’t stellar.

Crowdkill Apparel has some of the most unique merch options I've seen from car seat cover to a shower curtain, when given the opportunity what would be the weirdest merch you guys would like to release?

Noni: I would love to see the Wormhole logo on a cereal box. I imagine our cereal would have marshmallows.

Ansh: A bong??? A worm shaped bong??? Like from the first album??? Or maybe a big spikey worm dildo/butt plug??? Done tastefully OBVIOUSLY.

Sanjay: Wormhole weed called “The Dankest Among Us”.  Any weed paraphernalia honestly like rolling papers and some Wormhole glass.  We did a small run of grinders before which was cool.

With the state of the world that it is currently, touring as you would of guessed is a no go, Suicide Silence they have the right idea about having a virtual “world tour” where the show is streamed has the touring bug been bad enough to where you’ve considered this?

Noni: I think rather than trying to make “touring” work, we are going to try to put out content that is a little more practical for people to enjoy. Music analysis, lessons, playthroughs, stuff like that. Comedic or podcasty type stuff where people get to know the band members and develop some kind of a personal relationship with them despite not being able to meet with any of our fans in person. Not everyone who listens to this stuff plays an instrument or makes music, so we want to put something out that engages with that group as well.I’m sure we’ll do some full band stuff too, but not everything will just be us playing the songs. I think in this current era, and consequently the future, bands will have to do much more than just play their music to get out there. It was already kind of like that but now I think the big emphasis isn’t really on the music anymore. I think it will be kind of analogous to how gaming consoles used to be all about gaming. But now your Xbox or Playstation has to be able to have Netflix and YouTube and still regularly release and develop games over time.

Ansh: My other band Noisays was recently part of Mathcore Index Fest, the fest raised a reasonably sizeable donation for the Justice for George Floyed and Breonna Taylor Relief Fund, and it was sick to hang in a chatroom with a bunch of homies that i would be chilling with at the show. It was sick to do something good, share music and connect with friends and fans but virtual life is never going to be the same as real life to me. Whether it's teaching online, hanging out with people on video chat, or attending a virtual show, it's always just gonna be virtual and it'll never be a replacement for real life, to me at least. So please do everything you possibly can to make sure WE CAN COME PLAY FOR YOU ASAP.

Sanjay: I don’t think we can compare ourselves to Suicide Silence because our fanbases are vastly different.  I would hope we could do something like that but i definitely don’t think we are at a point where it would make sense.  Would be fun though.

Dream tour with Wormhole on the bill?

Noni: For the band obviously we just want to go out with the big boys like Obscura or The Black Dahlia Murder or Thy Art for our egos. But for my satisfaction I would want Wormhole to play with Dethklok just because Sanjay and I worship Brendon Small. Dude is a fucking genius and clearly has something figured out that neither of us do. Defeated Sanity would be on there too. If we’re talking defunct bands as well, I would want Necrophagist and/or Death in there somewhere too. But the real dream would for us to tour with Metallica and just play in Metallica and it’s also 1991.

Ansh: Warped Tour and we play right before All Time Low or some shit like that, Old Town Road guy opens right before us and does all the remixes. Miles Davis joins Limp Bizkit for the headlining set.

Sanjay: I would want to be direct support for Gojira.  That’s all really.  I think a bunch of bands (including Wormhole) have a lot to learn about the energy they project live and I would love to be a part of their show.

Anything else you would like to tell the readers before we go?

Noni: If there is some crazy guitar player or musician out there that you really admire and put on a pedestal you should understand that you are capable of literally anything that person is. That guy may have some special X factor but that is really only like 10% of it. The other 90% is the hardwork. Also thanks for reading and supporting and all that. It is really sick and cool and makes us feel good.

Ansh: Play and listen to lots of music, work stupid hard, and do whatever the fuck you want, the only people that'll say you can't do it are lazy as FUCK. Fuck'em.-ANSH OUT.

Sanjay: tech-slam

Wormhole Social Media:

Facebook

Instagram

Bandcamp

Merch

[televinita]

Zoo 3x08

♫ If you’re looking for truth, don’t come looking for me ♫

-- Echosmith, “Safest Place”

And if you are looking for me, I will be over here playing Mitch's new theme song on repeat while you read.

But first:

WELL ALL RIGHT THEN. Abigail found the secret passcode to earning my wrath, and it's called "emotionally torturing Jackson about his family and failure to save them and/or being responsible for their deaths" (LISTEN ZOO I know you don't know this but I am still pretty emotionally compromised about The O.C. and Ryan's savior complex and the number it did on his head after a certain fiery car accident of his own, so I don't think now is the best time to prod this wound.)

I'm not saying I can't use this footage of Jackson strung up by his wrists, or that I didn't feast like a tiger upon the spoils of said emotional torture, just that.......actually on second thought I can't remember why I came to this review complaining.

(Also wow I really enjoy the part where Jackson started to snap out of Zen mode when he heard she'd compromised Mitch, and him desperately trying to talk Mitch out of Duncan mode. I still do not know quite how to articulate what it is that delights me about their relationship to each other, but Jackson's side of it was on full display)

Alpha Ship

Keep you far, keep you far from what I know You'll be fine, you'll be fine, just don't look closely now

First of all,

"Aunt Jamie can't really hold her liquor" OMG. I'll take "things that definitely still happen in the AU where Mitch and Jamie had a life together" for $200, Alex. (that quote in some context, at least. maybe not the two-man abduction carry)

Anyway I am just gonna be over here making high pitched squeals about Mitch smoothing her hair out of her face and everything else about these 4 seconds before Max starts talking, because I kinda feel like this is as close to an aftermath-of-rescue with them in these positions as we're going to get this year, and I would like to to wring every drop of visible Caring I can out of it.

"If the team finds out what I've done, I will lose everything. I'll lose Clem -- Jamie -- everything."

Well that hurt me good and deep. Can someone please call all the ambulances? My heart is under attack.

He has a fair point to be worried about: even if they understand, how would they in good conscience be able to keep him around if they don't know what he can do as Mr. Duncan, or how Mr. Duncan takes over? How can they be sure of their own safety alone with him, given how the biodrive might affect things?

On bright side: I forgot I had seen the kiss in this episode early, so that was a bolt out of the blue of PURE UNADULTERATED SHIPPY JOY when my eyeballs encountered it after seeing the context of Mitch being Sketchy As Heck and deserving none of Jamie's wholly sincere reassurance*, but desperate for it anyway. I choose to believe he was on the verge of spilling the beans at that point, but maybe not quite all the way there until the kiss sealed it.

*you are hereby forgiven for the Reiden Tower lies

Morgan & Morgan

I love Squirrelly!Mitch and I loved everything about him and Max working together and accidentally almost having some heart to hearts. Especially Max The Number One Mitch/Jamie Shipper giving him advice that Mitch actually takes about coming clean (or tries to take; thanks for being both the solution to and the cause of all our ship problems today, Max!).

The temporary blindness side effect was my favorite part, especially his insistence on hiding it when Jamie needed an actual airplane-crashing scenario to be distracted enough for only moderate concern at his short-circuiting and Max's oddly eager intervention (honestly, at a certain point he might as well have been hopping along singing "We're off on a secret mission!"). I enjoyed the humorous elements, but would not have opposed a multi-episode arc for the more serious, if this show had made room for it.

Bizarro Alpha Ship

Lies unfolding, cover your eyes

I've remained pretty neutral on the whole Duncan Reveal thing, and I think the reason is: listen, if you want to give me two Billy Burke characters at the same time on one show, then that... well, let's just say this is a fair imitation of the list of Billy Burke characters I have scoured the far corners of the internet, libraries and streaming video sites to enjoy.

But. THE ENDING. 100% agree with empress-of-snark's assessment:

I’ve never really wanted to see one of my otp’s beating each other up, but like…. I get it now. There was something immensely satisfying about seeing Jamie elbowing/kicking Mitch in the face, and I don’t understand but I enjoyed it (probably cause it wasn’t really him technically, but).

I also really enjoy when he first turns around with that eerie, dead-eyed stare (oh hey Gary Matheson redux) and she realizes who he is. This is ONE thing I'll admit sci fi does well -- the mind control / body takeover trope. I delighted in this exact same thing once on Under the Dome’s third season. There is nothing more chilling than seeing a character you would have sworn on your life would never harm their significant other be prepared to do exactly that, with no off switch. It's a much better experience as a viewer to know that it’s beyond their control than to find out they are actually human monsters, though.

And it's an even better experience when Jamie just steamrollers over any unhelpful emotions she's about to have with the steely resolve of Fine, It's A Beautiful Day To Kick Your Ass, and suddenly I'm wondering how low-prole it would be to edit and remix this fight with a subtle backing of "Move, Bitch." (why is the chorus of this song always relevant to my interests)

In other words: all fear and trust and betrayal issues can take a backseat for now because Jamie has one job right now, and I love that she has enough confidence and skill to know she can go through him if she has to.

Odds and Ends

I sat through Logan's entire waste of screen time in order not to lose my understanding-the-plot momentum, and so far I regret that decision.

Okay fine the Kenyatta family spooning was pretty adorbs.

Max trying to use the L word = aces

Out of all of AI Logan's comments, "I have an unfortunate announcement" is my very favorite. I want to use that all the time. Why isn't easy embedding of sound clips a thing.

Jackson attempting to strangle Abigail with his legs? Kinda workin' for me.

I think my favorite thing about Max and the Summoning Rod is that it's very much like the things Mitch ran Jackson through last year. Not so fun to be the guinea pig getting told to buck up, is it?

Should it concern me that I didn't even realize Clem was absent (off in Tankland) until they mentioned her?

Overall: minus Logan's non-AI scenes, WHAT A FUN AND WILD RIDE THIS WAS. By far the highest quality-per-minute density of the season for me. Superb sister episode to Howler Sloth.

I've had so much fun skipping back through it and watching the characters run around*, I keep legit forgetting the plane is going crazy because there is an octopus with snake legs (or something) they had to hack to death. There is so much IN this episode I can't possibly cover it all. It feels like lasted 900 years in a good way.

*or in the Morgans' case, sometimes, remain calm and blissfully unaware while the women nearly die following the Bitches Get Stuff Done model; the juxtaposition between the two drastically different panic levels cracks me up every time.

I have already watched a few minutes into episode 9 because that was a WTF cliffhanger, but I think this is as far as I am gonna get before next new episode.

[rylie-barton]

bc mae’s complaining i didnt post the problematic thing she wrote for me:

your fave is problematic: vina ( tw; death, divorce, idk)

-slut for every hot girl who walks in the door -stays up until her mom is literally AWAKE -divorced me -plots murders -pretty sure she offered to kill my mom/brother if I'd kill hers -why can't she let a character be happy for once -hoe constantly teases me with all these great character ideas -also a slut for Patrick swazye -wants to go to Illinois but not to visit me to visit the fox river state penitentiary (edit by vina: its joliet correctional center u uneducated swine)  -drinks alcohol and proceeds to make me jealous bc I never have alcohol -impulse shopper -takes eight days to write a reply -stubborn as an ox -sometimes she makes these really bitchy remarks -complains about how hot it is when it's literally only 70 degrees Fahrenheit -hoe got rid of delilah Duncan & Sylvia robin -made a bet with me where the loser had to make a starter, never replied to said starter (edt by vina: im so iconic) -likes to post links and tell me not to open them which makes me want to open them even MORE -uses daddy way too much -doesn't know my birthday -watches way too many buzzfeed videos -this hoe doesn't like cheese -pretty sure she likes my cat more than she likes me (edit by vina: its true) -prefers Robert Downy Jr.'s Sherlock Holmes -has threatened to take over WDA too many times -watches too many movies -refuses to type out the word fucking -gets really heated about saint Patrick's day -the song you give love a bad name is actually about her -major Katherine pierce hoe -has never sent me a present -encourages my bad decisions -lied to all of you, she enjoys editing my themes -once forgot that she said it was okay for me to switch a fc and then got mad at me -switches fcs all the time -named a character after me and made her last name impossible to pronounce -has a really really strong love for fishnets -sometimes she leaves the gc without warning leaving me wondering if I did something wrong -is literally Satan -talks about how much she loves certain people, I am never one of those certain people -makes fun of me -we've known each other for years and she just added me on her personal Facebook this past year -thinks she's funnier than she actually is -she legitimately wanted rhea to die in the earthquake -took ages to write the Rylie pregnancy self para -likes sending me very weird videos that will probably haunt my dreams for the rest of my life -this hoe won't play male characters -correction she has played them but it's a very small percentage of the characters she's played -once mad fun of a hat I bought -hasn't liked my most recent instagram picture -constantly makes fun of me -I think she's secretly plotted my murder -never followed me back on twitter -had literally stolen cokes -has played 120+ females and 8 males in five years -has a bad idea, someone tells her not to do it, she still does it -I once told her to unfollow Raleigh, she unfollowed Hermes instead -when we were coming up with the windsors she refused to pick normal names -enjoys natural disasters way too much -made fun of me because I like cars -says okay Jan way too much -literally reblogged a stat sheet on the muse blog and realized it had something about being pregnant on it so she just erased the question -she's a catfisher ya'll doesn't like strawberries -I'm pretty sure she's a vampire - has been the driving force behind like 4 major wda rule changes -those hoe is the reason you can play four characters and all of them can be female

[newyorktheater]

Watch the 45-minute video below, available through August 14

B.D. Wong has made brilliant use of his months in quarantine, creating a witty and inventive entertainment from a 15-year-old solo show about a gay man in New York reviewing his life of loneliness, lust, loss and love.

Don’t misunderstand. “Songs From An Unmade Bed” was already a witty and inventive entertainment. Debuting at the New York Theatre Workshop for a brief run in 2005, it starred Mark Winther in pajamas delivering original songs written by lyricist Mark Campbell and 18 different composers (one per song.) Many of the composers have gone on to great success in musical theater, among them Duncan Sheik (Spring Awakening), Chris Miller (The Burnt Part Boys) and Steven Lutvak (A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder).

But what Wong has done, working with his husband videographer Richert Schnorr, and enlisting some starry accomplices, suggests a new way of approaching adaptations for online theater.

Some of this involves incorporating a cast of characters in ways that never feel like your now-standard Zoom readings. This is most aggressive in “The Other Other Woman,” composed by Jake Heggie, in which Wong complains that his boyfriend is two-timing him twice. There are scenes in the song with, by my count, at least 16 other performers — sometimes separately, sometimes all at once, in Zoom format. Since this features such Broadway stars as Telly Leung and Jose Llana, many half-clad, I doubt anybody would object. But more spot-on, at least for me, is the casting of Maulik Pancholy as a self-absorbed actor (not to be redundant) in Steven Lutvak’s funny, bawdy “Exit Right.” Wong sings Sex with an actor What was I thinking? I feel like such a fool Sex with an actor What was I drinking? That made me break that rule

while we switch to Pancholy doing vocal warm-up exercises or checking his cell phone and screaming “I got it!”

But most of what stands out is the clever use of video to underscore what’s going on — including the manipulation of the video to create multiple Wongs….occasionally a chorus line of BD Wongs.

A hint of what’s to come is in the first song of the cycle, “Here in My Bed,” composed by Jenny Giering, in which Wong sings of his loneliness, in lyrics that are amusing in their self-pity:

All alone in my bed, Alone in this most neglected of rooms… And when my body is found Cold and prone in my bed…they’ll look around at my drab life and instantly rule out foul play.

We see a bird’s eye view of him sprawled on his bed and, for the briefest of moments, his body is traced in chalk, the way police do for corpses.

There are many such mischievous visual touches, most of which enhance the songs. Admittedly, sometimes the visuals upstage the song. In “A Dinner Party” composed by Mark Bennett, about how uncomfortable the character is at a “high-flown” party, Wong is placed Zelig-like in a series of classic paintings. The effect is hilarious and worth the distraction. But Wong and Schnorr are smart enough to keep the visuals simple in Stephen Hoffman’s “Our Separate Ways,” in which Wong has come back from a funeral; we see him dressed in a suit in a chair, looking at an old photograph of his friend.  In Duncan Sheik’s “Oh To Be Stupid Again” (Oh to be stupid again/fall in love in that stupid way, and embody every silly cliche”), we see Wong in two identical frames side by side; some spare confetti blows by, offering a nostalgic tone without much distraction. The most apt visual is the one accompanying Peter Golub’s “I Miss New York,” in which we see Wong as a series of isolated characters through a succession of windows in an apartment building, as Wong sings “I miss New York/Whatever happened to Times Square/I miss New York/ I still live there.” — which takes on a whole new resonance in this time of lockdown.

  Songs From An Unmade Bed: Watch B.D. Wong Remake It Watch the 45-minute video below, available through August 14 B.D. Wong has made brilliant use of his months in quarantine, creating a witty and inventive entertainment from a 15-year-old solo show about a gay man in New York reviewing his life of loneliness, lust, loss and love.

[aspiringhorrorauthor]

Realised a reason I might not be getting those OC ask things is because no-one actually knows my OCs. So I’m gonna do really long profiles for them and release those profiles randomly, basically telling you the main and often detailed just of them. However, since I *may* want to use some in fanfiction, I won’t give and details I’m planning as a “Surprise! This fact” sort of thing.

Let’s start with my courier OC, The Courier (my most developed OC). She is also a bit shamelessly a semi-self insert because! Just because. Gotta have one. All my other fallout OCs are insanely different to me so I need one that’s basically me, right?

NOTE: I decided on a lot of her details before I actually recruited any companion that wasn’t Boone or Rex, so she straight up ended up being very similar to Arcade by accident. Whoops. I am aware of this fact but ANYWAY.

Courier is an early 30s woman who is super jaded on nearly all factions in the wasteland. Her main SPECIAL stat is Intelligence (10), her weakest is perception (~3). She has the traits Wild Wasteland and Skilled (she’s also short sighted but I hate the Four Eyes trait in NV)

Her tagged skills are Medicine, Science and Energy Weapons. Otherwise she’s a half decent rifle woman and can repair to a certain degree, particularly clothing. She can also pick locks when her hacking skills can’t get her any further.

She’s aroace, and has an inexplicable Northern English accent. She won’t explain it either. If she gets drunk she has a tendency to sing folk songs from the North East too. It freaks out some people. People exhaust her and she can’t handle crowds or excess noise.

She’s extremely well travelled; she has a habit of stopping to listen to random people and help out where she can, leading to all sorts of strange adventures before the start of New Vegas. The best trade was managing to acquire a quad bike which she then used to explore the East Coast. I’ve kinda figured out how she got it, but it’d be a good reveal for a fanfic so… Get guessing.

While travelling the East Coast she ended up accidentally stumbling into Little Lamplight during the early days of MacCready’s leadership. She offers to trade their excess goods further afield to get them better prices, and accidentally ends up in a strange “constantly got a gun to my head but I like these guys anyway” relationship with little MacCready. He ends up giving her the nickname of Courier as she refuses to give him her proper name. She often sees this strange deal as one of her better wasteland adventures as no-one believes in a town full of kids.

She travels to DC and the Commonwealth semi-often, roughly every three or so years (the first in 2274, 3 years before the events of Fallout 3). She delivers various packages for various characters, and even meets Valentine where she offers him a lift to his next case on the cheap, simply because of her scientific amazement at the synth, although she keeps quiet about it.

She also ends up meeting my Lone Wanderer (as yet unnamed) shortly after he wakes up following the events of Take It Back!. She gives him a lift to Megaton and buys him a drink after hearing about his hand in project purity. They bond over complaining about MacCready, although they both admit to finding the scamp a joy to talk to. Courier and Lone stay friends long after the events of both games; with the Courier even inviting Lone to Vegas on the house once everything is over.

She works towards an Independant New Vegas, steadfastly believing that neither the NCR nor the Legion are worth a damn, and refusing to work with House on principle. She supports both the Followers and the Kings following Vegas’s independence as she believes they have their hearts in the right place (mostly). She encourages each settlement in the Mojave to support themselves, but also offers assistance to achieve that. The technology recovered from the Big MT and the Sierra Madre is used to turn Vegas from a plain gambling hotspot to a beacon of prosperity; Salient green from the Big MT and the vending machines from the bunker are used to almost mass produce stimpacks and medicine, which is traded out to create non-gambling income to Vegas and create a buzz of interest in the city of how such a thing could become.

She also encourages the bizarre tales of her adventures to be spread out with as much emphasis on the bizarre details; some tourists travel to Vegas purely to find out if the mailewoman really DID fight Cosplayers with the help of Elvis impersonators.

The events of the cancelled ‘Van Buren’ are also semi true; post Hoover Dam her and the crew get desperate pleas for help from Denver settlers. With the legion crumbling but desperately holding onto Denver by force, and the New Plague spreading there, Courier and the crew go undercover to help the people of Denver find their independence too. Courier also ends up with a third dog and runs into a guy who’s using Arcades identity and parading the fact that he’s ex-Enclave. Awkward.

She mostly stays in Vegas post game, but after things calm done some she ends up wandering as a 'holiday’ back to the Commonwealth. She ends up in GoodNeighbour at the perfect time to take the medicine for Duncan all the way to DC as quickly as possible. She doesn’t find out until she gets to Megaton exactly who Duncan is or that he’s in the care of Lone. (This also means that the medicine for Duncan will get to him much quicker than if it went by caravan).

EDIT: The Courier dislikes power armour despite having training in it, and prefers riot gear. Her favourite gun is the Holorifle, but she also wields a police pistol, a cosmic knife, a proton unversal axe and a plasma pistol. She used to own a plasma defender too, but it was stolen by the Outcasts during her first trip to DC.