#but they are still fun on their own merits! im proud of them

[sunlitmcgee]

btw reminder I have some stories for sale for just 5 dollars

[thefrontofmymind]

ex!reader x matty healy ig blurb

FC: Heather Baron-Gracie

a/n: added on blurb

~~~

rass1975 via instagram stories:

yninstagram via instagram stories:

~~~

yninstagram we look kewl

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ynfan1 OMG YN AND MATTYYYYY

ynfriend sexy beasts xxx

>trumanblack thanks xxx

ynfan2 the goth council has come together to decide all our fates

bedforddanes pale bitches x

>yninstagram ill fuck u up

trumanblack im cool. yn did my makeup, its cool.

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1975fan1 i am frothing at the mouth rn

yninstagram fit

1975fan2 i so wish i was at this party it looks so cool

rass1975 Yeah yeah. You look cool get over it

yninstagram shut up i'm busy

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ynfan1 so prettyyyyy

ynfan2 I LOVE THIS

trumanblack fit

>yninstagram didn’t i just fucking tell you to shut up?

1975ynfan1 ok loving this tension,,,,

1975ynfan2 wait is that matty’s guitar???

>1975fan1 OMG I THINK YOURE RIGHT

nme Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Dirty Hit Records ushers in a new era, with the addition of YN on their roster. This news comes after apparent months of negotiation (and close friend of Matty Healy on her side!) New interview in our next issue!

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1975ynfan1 this has totally convinced me that theyre together why tf would they do a whole photoshoot together if they weren’t

ynfan1 am i the only one who doesn’t like the way they worded this? Like she’s such a good artist, the fact that she’s friends with Matty doesn’t mean anything! She got that record deal on her own merit

1975ynfan2 omg they both look so hot in this

1975fan1 goth parents

yninstagram throwback to when we were allowed outside

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ynfan1 where are you quarantining queen???

>yninstagram with a close friend babyyyy

ynfan2 so sad you had to postpone the tour :((( i was going to toronto

ynfan3 will the new album be postponed too??

>yninstagram hopefully not. Still set for later on in the year ❤️❤️

ynundates yn today performing at Reading Festival!!!

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ynfan1 ok so we haven’t seen her in TWO YEARS and she’s back and a platinum blonde????

ynfan2 newalbumsoonnewalbumsoonnewalbumsoon

>ynfan3 ikr SO PUMPED

ynfan4 did anyone catch a video of when she said something like ‘im in a different place now than when i wrote all these love songs’ and then i didnt hear the end of what she said???

>ynupdates its on our page! The full quote is “I’m in a very different place than when I wrote all of those love songs. Me and him aren’t together now so…Expect a breakup album soon!”

>ynfan5 omg poor yn :(( (though i wonder who she’s talking aboutttt)

yninstagram officially here to tell you that blondes don’t always have more fun. and i’m on tour in North America in three months get ready.

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ynfan1 AAHHH SEEING YOU IN NEW YORK

>yninstagram SEE U THERE BB

ynfan2 PLEASE come to asia!!

ynfan3 when is the album???

>yninstagram beginning of next year!!

ynfan4 yn looks so pretty with black OR blonde hair!!

yninstagram first show lets go

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ynfan1 the COOLEST fit

bedforddanes good luck mate.

>yninstagram thanks mate.

ynfan2 cant wait to see you in Milwaukee!!

1975ynfan1 does anyone else think its weird that yn and the 1975’s tours match up cities like 4 times???

>1975ynfan2 probably just a coincidence, there’s only so many cities in america

>1975ynfan1 idk its just yn and matty havent interacted in so long and it seems like theyve both gone through private breakups recently,,,,got me thinking

>ynfan3 maybe not the best to speculate on people’s private lives?? Lets just leave them to it?

yninstagram new single out now. Not Another Rockstar. its cool.

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ynfan1 omg wait the caption??? Is that a matty reference???

>ynfan2 idkkkk IM HERE FOR THE DRAMAAA

ynfan3 yn is straight up ethereal

charli_xcx so proud of youuuuu

>yninstagram Xxx

yninstagram london r u ready??

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ynfan1 so jealous im not there!!!

ynfan2 obsessed with this makeup!!

pollymoney looking lush!!

ynfan3 come to nz!

rollingstone “Growing into different people can hurt, but it’s always the way of life, we just have to move on” - YN talks touring post-covid and new album! Link in bio!

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yninstagram thank you for having me.

ynfan1 need to punch whoever she was talking about with the quote in the article ‘I was badly hurt by my ex, he’s said some horrid things about me when I thought our breakup was pretty amicable.’

ynfan2 i remember when yn was just starting out and now look at her!!

ynfan3 mother was mothering in this shoot

yninstagram what happens on tour, stays on tour. this includes going to bed at a reasonable hour and being on vocal rest for 20 hours of the day.

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ynfan1 saw you in Lisbon!! Best concert ive ever been to!!

ynfan2 omg obsessed with that top…

1975adam the joys of tour life hey?

>yninstagram dont i know it?

yninstagram new album, Nothing Matters, is out tomorrow. this is such a personal album for me, showing the deepest parts of myself. 

To you (you know)

Even though we spent months tearing each other apart, and we’ve both said some questionable things in retaliation, you know I’ll always hold you in my heart. I was at my best with you and I hope one day we can reach a point when we can be friends. I miss you and all the funny things you tell me when you stoned off your nut and barely knew how to speak anymore. 

Thank you, darling. For everything.

limited comments

charli_xcx beautiful album baby. top of 2023!

ynfriend love it!!

rass1975 well done mate. Its a good’un

trumanblack love it.

>yninstagram x

[tenthgrove]

Anon sent me a very wonderful ask about Myriad Trickery last night but I don't want to spoil the story for anyone who hasn't read it, so I'm pasting the ask under cut along with my response.

hi my name is not important but what IS important is that you handcrafted Myriad Trickery and you are the finest argument of why i phucking love fanfic SOOOO much. you have crafted a storyline i never even thought about and put a Metric Ton of care into story structure, worldbuilding, and RELATIONSHIPS, (yes relationships, not just romance because y/n getting to know the squad is SO WELL ILLUSTRATED, like the progression is so delishus. especially with pros. oh to be someone named celeste with a shitty ex husband and smol kids you need to get back --- anyway) like. shit these last few chapters Hurt me. i would like. beat my own ass up for making my babies so sad. so mad. smad. but like, you gotta get your money tho. so shoutout to y/n and wanna know for doing what they have to do with their skillset. also can we talk about y/n l/n for a second?? making them a P.I.??? in-fucking-spired. doing The Absolute Most with 4 entire personas and using them to sink their fingers into hardened criminals and SUCCEEDING at making most of them catch feelings???? teach some classes please because i cant even do that with 1 person!!! (lets leave out the fact that y/n fell too because the squad is so fun to be around.) y/n being knowledgeable in stealth n subterfuge, AND armed with their wits to get as far as they did despite not being an indestructible tank??? we cant all be like jotaro so we make do babey, and thats part of why i love y/n so damn much. im too soft, im not a tank at all and i dont want to hurt anyone or make them sad (well unless they do it first) but i dont even care that the difference between me and y/n is the one with jupiter and phuckin earth. y/n is engaging asf and going thru their thoughts is a treat. like its not ME me, but the way you write them makes me feel like i understand them completely. so i have an easier time immersing myself without anything getting me out of that immersion. your writing????? has me on the edge of my seat. im even using my voice to say their lines!!! y/n and i…… we r kind of dumbasses tho but im a corporate slave 8/5……. still. i wanted to read the next chapter on ao3 so hard, i was legit sneaking peeks at my phone at work -- very risky because we got undercover unauthorized breaktime snitches --because i wanted to know all the juicy details of what was going down, and now i regret it because im finished with the chapters on ao3. i want to experience the story for the first time again but you can only experience something for the first time only once!!!!! im gonna reread my fave parts, which is everything with prosciutto because he is my absolute favorite. but like, im happy you're here on tumblr so i can send all this directly to you. you make me want to print Myriad Trickery out and have it bound so i can pull it off my shelf and read everything cover to cover, like a bedtime story. i dont have the words to thank you enough for the monumental effort you did to give us this story except for: thanks so much for giving Myriad Trickery to us for free. shit if i were a publisher i would want to give you a book deal but for now here is a big ole virtual kiss for you for imparting the greatest reader insert saga -- yes. a wholeass saga -- ive ever read.

Hello anon! Where to begin?! I cannot describe how much it means to me that there are people this invested in my silly little stories. I'm a person who writes more for comfort than actual writing merit but MT is one of the few stories where I really wanted to create something to be proud of on a literary front, and that's what makes it so hard but rewarding to write.

The good news is that I absolutely do want to continue the story. I started a planning document for the next chapter soon after the last and it's been empty until last night, when I finally got down a paragraph on how I want the next chapter to begin. My problem is that I wrote the initial plot entirely around the build up to the big twist reveal, and it's kinda hard to come down from that, but I do have a basic idea of what I want to happen.

I may just cut down the remaining plot to about 3 chapters, but no matter what form I do want to get something out.

[veeranger]

You see that Kiara's been going out of her way to tone down the takamori stuff? I wonder what changed.

i actually was just talking about this last night believe it or not. based on what shes been saying i think its obvious she just doesnt want to lean on yuribaiting for engagement anymore. its been over a year now so she doesnt need to push takamori to get people in the door, she's done more than enough to stand on her own and the longer she keeps pushing takamori the harder its going to be to disconnect from calli which can be really damaging for her career. kanata has talked about how being seen as an accessory to coco was really hard for her, and i heard noel and flare are asking people to relax on their little thing they have going on too. i think its a good thing that kiara is confident in herself that shes ready to leave takamori behind and continue to shine on her own merits rather than the little bit her and calli had going on, as fun as that bit was it could never last forever.

but if youre worried about her and calli she also made it pretty clear theyre still close friends and will still collab, just without trying to force the bit in their interaction. i saw the way she cried her eyes out when she moved away from calli i know what they have is a real genuine friendship and if anything dropping takamori will only make that friendship better with no more acting pretenses on them.

but most of all im just proud of her for being able to come out to her fanbase and outright say takamori is dead, i bet that was really nervewracking.

[noonmutter]

Introductions

Daily Writing Challenge 2021 Day 12: Ball/Gravestone

"It's gonna be a quiet meetin'. They're not...th' most talkative people, these days."

"No, I know, love, of course. I absolutely still want to do this. You're so brave for this and I'm so proud of you."

Leon couldn't hold in a chuckle at that. Valarin's open, whole-hearted support of him for what was, admittedly, a trip that Leon had made dozens of times by now was all but impossible to ignore. The reassurance wasn’t necessary, but he wasn’t about to ruin Val’s fun. He simply set a hand on his wee love's shoulder to momentarily silence him, and bent to kiss his forehead.

"Thank you, love. It's okay. I'm not gonna collapse, it's just...a li'l tense, sometimes. Bringin' somebody new..." He let himself trail off as he inspected the kit they'd brought with them. Valarin had brought the supplies for their lunch, and he'd brought a bag of gardening tools, along with a couple bouquets of marigolds at Val's insistence. Asking about the marigolds had opened up the floodgates, not that he minded; listening to Valarin get himself going about something he was passionate about was one of Leon’s favorite things.

"The marigolds are traditionally very important! You see, the land of the living can be confusing and difficult to navigate for spirits. We try to help them by providing strong sensory things to guide them. The marigolds have a strong smell, but I think their color is quite strong too! And the candles are a little lighthouse..."

The flowers had been a bit of a trick to avoid crushing once they'd left the road that would've led them across the border into Stranglethorn, but they'd managed. He still wasn't sure if mum and dad would actually like the marigolds, but he understood the importance of it being this specific kind of flower, now. It was both like and unlike the little ceremonies the Gilnean was familiar with.

"This is such a lovely area, too. I’m honestly so excited to see where your parents rest. I’ve not really seen many human gravesites. I’m interested to see how similar they are. I’d like to learn about Gilnean customs regarding it. I know that the Day of the Dead is more widespread now, so I’m sure your parents will enjoy the offerings all the same. And--Hey, are you doing okay? You’ve been a little quiet."

Leon paused, then gave a short shake of his head. "Just tryna make sure we don't get lost, hey?" It was a lame excuse for letting his mind wander, but Val let it pass, since they were tromping through an awful lot of dense foliage. Valarin was aware there was a moonwell not all that far from where they wandered, and though there was a ceasefire, it was still Alliance territory and he was still visibly not a night elf. The tension wasn't really there like it'd been during their trip to Aerie Peak, though; they were alone and nowhere near a proper settlement.

He almost asked another question before Leon stopped, pointed at a small cluster of bright purple blooms hugging the forest floor, and said, "We're 'ere." It was hard not to get excited all over again, but he wanted to be respectful of Leon's feelings, so he kept himself from squeaking and simply gave Leon his best 'I'm here for you' smile. Leon answered it with another kiss on his forehead. Val liked those kisses, even if they were usually Leon filling in a silence when he couldn't figure out what to say.

He watched Leon pull a ton of vines and push a ton of branches aside like a very sturdy set of curtains, and after a moment, rushed to assist. Together, they opened up a relatively worn footpath to a small clearing. Val couldn't help but gasp softly at the sight; it seemed like every square inch of the ground was covered in lilacs! Little purple flowers were everywhere, and the scent was almost overwhelming. Butterflies fluttered from blossom to blossom in every direction, and small clouds of them seemed to erupt every time he or Leon took a step. He found himself tiptoeing to try and avoid crushing anything almost immediately.

"Oh, Light, it's absolutely beautiful, Leon. You did this?" The thought was enough to bring tears to his eyes, but he tried not to let it, at least not yet. He knew he'd do plenty of crying before the day was out and he'd really rather not start again so soon. It was a little embarrassing, even if Leon said it wasn't. Just focus on not snagging your pants on anything, Valarin…

"Well, I mean, th' flowers did it on their own, mostly... flowers do tha'..." Leon looked sheepish as he deflected praise, "All I did was plant a couple an' leave 'em be. Lilacs 're 'ardy, easy thin's. Part o' why mum liked 'em so much." The Gilnean made his way carefully but quickly through the dense growth, well used to the path he took and not worrying overmuch about whether he was stomping flowers or butterflies; the flowers were going to be cut back anyway, and the butterflies were quicker than he was. Reaching the apparent edge of the clearing, Leon bent to set his hand on a particularly tall lilac bush, then abruptly tore away a few branches to reveal the carved wooden grave marker underneath it.

It was not a professional job, this marker, but it had definitely been a work of diligence and a high degree of effort. It was sanded down to a nearly glasslike smoothness, and it would probably shine like it once it was cleaned up. The uneven top edge of it suggested it had originally been a chunk of driftwood, but it’d been stained so dark that it was hard to be sure. Valarin was privately glad he’d gotten better at reading Common lettering; hand-carved stuff like this was a little tricky. “Bettany Marie Ambroce” caught a bit of light and practically glowed. 

“Right. ‘Ere we are, then.”

“Oh, Leon,” Valarin said, “This is so lovely. This is your mother?” He knelt down beside the wood and brushed his fingertips over the lettering. “Hello, Missus Ambroce. I’m happy to meet you.”

“Yeah.” Leon didn’t really know how else to answer, but felt like that was woefully insufficient. “This’s mum.” Okay that was almost less helpful. He brushed his fingers along the lettering in much the same way Valarin had, mulling over a few things before he settled on a simple, “...You r’member Val’rin, right? I’ve talked about ‘im b’fore…” He risked a glance at his little love, offering a weak smile. “Only th’ good stuff, though. Promise.”

“It better have been!” Val flashed a playful grin and tossed his hair. “I am a perfect angel, after all.”

Chuckling, Leon set down the bag of tools and took out a pair of hedge trimmers, offering them to Valarin. “I’ll take care o’ th’ bigger messes, you clear out th’ stuff all over th’ ground, okay?”

“Wait, are we doing this entire clearing?”

“Course. Otherwise th’ lilacs’ll grow way too far an’ get completely outta control. It’s already bad enough cuz I waited longer’n I should’ve, I norm’ly come by ev’ry month or so.”

Valarin looked out across the small expanse of purple with a tiny bit less wonderment than he had the first time. This was a bit more work than he’d realized, but, he had to admit to himself, Leon had warned him. And he was bound and determined to help, regardless, so! Nothing for it but to roll up his sleeves and get to work. Leon had to restrain himself from grinning at the look of almost militant determination that Val got before he started clipping away.

“Cheer up, at least y’ don’t ‘ave t’ make it look pretty, too, hey?” He waggled his own pair of much smaller clippers, and gestured toward the high-piled bushes covering the pair of markers. “I’ll prune these down an’ then we’ll both tackle th’ rest of ‘em. It only takes about an hour if there’s two of us.”

“Isn’t this a bit much?”

“‘Ow d’you mean?”

“Well I’m going to end up killing most of these by cutting them back all…all willy-nilly, aren’t I?”

“Sure, but tha’s kinna th’ point. They can’t all keep growin’ or they’ll overtake more’n th’ forest kin afford, see? S’why I come back an’ clean it up at all. Can’t just plant whatever, wherever, or it throws th’ ‘ole balance outta whack. I’d be a worse druid than I already am if I just planted a bush an’ left it.”

“You are not a bad druid!”

Laughing, Leon pruned away, and Valarin attacked the rest of the lilacs with gusto.

Once they were roughly halfway through the clearing as a whole, Leon mercifully called for a break. Valarin was not at all accustomed to Leon in work mode, at least not like this; he knew the man could get lost in his leatherwork for hours, but that wasn’t quite so physically demanding as this. It was impressive, if a bit exhausting to keep up with.

They both sat down with a satisfied sigh, and Leon stretched his legs in the much more visible grass by the cleaned-up gravestones. Once properly polished, the lettering on both gleamed like it had been painted with gold:

Bettany Marie Ambroce Beloved wife and mother I’ll take it from here

Graeme Iain Ambroce Beloved husband and father I’ve got this

“Dad would’ve liked you, y’know.”

“You think so?” 

“Yeah. Anybody ‘o kin keep up with an Ambroce’s bullshit is worth keepin’ an eye on, somethin’ like that.” Leon chuckled with a subdued smile, thinking back on various times when he’d heard that. Naturally, Graeme had been talking about his own wife, but still. It had merit. “‘Especially th’ wee ones.’ Mum was about yer ‘eight, I think.”

Valarin’s ears went back just a little. “I’m not that wee.” After a moment, though, he let himself chuckle, too. “Although I suppose it’s still a compliment. You said he was a mountain, anyway.”

That made Leon laugh, and he threw his arms out wide. “Oh yeah, an absolute fuckin’ behemoth, was dad. ‘E wrestled with steer at th’ yearly fairs, sometimes, an’...”

As much as Leon enjoyed listening to Valarin give impromptu dissertations, Valarin loved listening to Leon tell stories of his family and his home. Knowing that he’d never get to see either of them the way his boyfriend did, he clung to every word to try his best to imagine it, and let the farmboy ramble as long as he was willing to. He only dared to interrupt long enough to break out their picnic, which thankfully didn’t stop the flood at all.

Once they’d eaten and Leon had run out of tales to tell--some of which Valarin was sure had to be at least exaggerated, if not totally made up, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out which ones--they’d gotten back to work. It was almost agony to start over again, since they’d had enough time for their hands to start hurting. That only seemed to spur them to get done quicker so that they were able to put the tools away after what felt like no time at all.

While Leon was raking the detritus into a corner of the clearing, Valarin set to work by the markers.

First, Valarin set up a small collapsible bed tray in front of the markers themselves, and covered it with a white cloth. He set out a few candles and arranged the marigolds all around what would become their ofrenda. Upon the tray he left portions of the favored foods they had brought; raspberry tarts, beef pasties, fried taters, all sorts of things. Though they had no pictures of the deceased--Leon couldn’t bring himself to risk losing the only image he had of his entire family--it was the thought that counted for this.

Obviously, Leon wanted to help, but he also didn’t want to do things wrong (despite Valarin’s many and constant reminders that there was no wrong way to arrange an ofrenda), so he hung back until it was almost finished. At Valarin’s urging, Leon took up a long match, and they each lit a candle at the same time, one for each parent. Finally, a small bundle of marigold petals was pressed into Leon’s hands, and he awkwardly scattered them in a rough line from the ofrenda to the graves themselves. Valarin had already made one out of the clearing itself, and with Leon’s contribution, there was a complete path.

When he returned to Val’s side, Val immediately curled both arms around his waist and tugged him down till they were both seated in the grass before the ofrenda. There, Val could finally get the cuddles he so cherished. Leon smiled softly and dragged the insistent thing into his lap, the better to hug him close and rest his chin on top of Val’s head. 

“So… what ‘appens now?”

“Now, you tell me more stories about them, and cuddle me, and I’ll tell you stories about mine, and cuddle you.”

“All night?”

“All night.”

“I think I kin do tha’.”

Though they couldn’t leave everything behind, the next morning, a pair of marigold-and-lilac wreaths hung from the wooden gravestones.

( @daily-writing-challenge​ @valarin-sunstorm​ )

[normal-thoughts-official]

ClaryxMaiaxIzzy cam girl?

hmmmm interesting thought. again i don't really see maia and clary as camgirls, im not sure why (for clary it might be just that shes not my type tbh so whats the point. altho the one thought i have about it is @thesorrowoflizards's post about how clary wants everyone to believe she's a real redhead so i picture her like dyeing her pubes the same color lmao. sorry i put u in the same sentence as clary's pubes ezra babe love u) but... izzy would make a great camgirl 👌

i mean maia would too but eh i figure she has her job with bartending that she likes and i picture her being neutral towards camming ao like... no particular reason to pick that job u know? but anyway

im thinking established clizzy just because idk clary doesnt strike me as the kind of person who uses onlyfans or whatever and also like they have that whole soft thing where they dress each other going on so that's cute? or like not Dressing Each Other but izzy picking out lingerie to go with her strap for her next scene and clary helping her out when izzy does that whole casually sexy thing of holding her different bodices in front of the mirror and pouting and trying to see which one goes best

and clary is all like "you look good in anything" and izzy is all "thank you but 'anything' won't get me enough tips to take you to dinner this month". and just idk Tenderness with clary helping her get ready and then as she's about to begin filming clary leaves the room all like "blow them away baby" and izzy goes "oh they wish i'd blow them alright" which always makes clary laugh

then whenever izzy is done clary's like "hey babe how did it go?" and izzy is all proud of herself "i think we just upgraded to [fancier restaurant]" and they're both delighted

(this is so not what u were expecting when u sent this ask i know im sorry)

anyway! so i think maia and izzy would meet at some nerdy scientist shit (maybe they're working together?) and either maia was already a fan and she's like ohhnmyh godddddddddd conceal dob't feel don't be creepy she probably gets a lot of creeps be COOL be COOL don't let her know that you think she's the hottest girl in the business SHES EVEN HOTTER IN PERSON AAAAAAAA hiimmaia, OR she doesn't know immediately but finds out at some point (honestly i don't rhink izzy would hide it so maybe izzy herself mentions it in passing and then winks at maia and tells her to check it out cuz she's a flirt first and foremost) and goes to check it out while Experiencing Guilt™ because maybe she developed an instant crush on the super hot smart girl that's just as passionate as her about their project, sue her

and anyway she goes to check it out and THEN she panicks like oh my godd shes so hOT and i didn't know that i needed to see her stroking her strap and telling me that if i'm a good girl i'll get to be fucked but i really really DID need it

both have their merits i think

anyway maia and izzy become friends pretty quickly cuz like they DO have a lot in common especially in a mundane au. and i have half a mind to have her be disappointed that izzy's got a gf cuz she assumes monogamy but also like... she gets to meet clary and she's also kind of sweet and really fun with that whole fiery thing she's got going on and it's nice to see how passionate she is and goddamn it maia has a crush on a couple again

and anyway the disappointment drama doesn't last long cuz again izzy did flirt with her and she probably mentions that theyre polyamorous in like a second and probably throws in a pickup line for good measure and maia might be the Bi Trans Girl Who Panicks When Flirting With Girls™ but she's also a quick study and soon enough she's flirting back and hhhh

somehow this is still a slow burn tho cuz they kinda don't take that extra step and maia kind of considers that maybe izzy is the kind of person who flirts with everyone cuz i mean, it is part of her job to be a good flirt. and izzy flirts a lot but actually liking someone without a sexual arrangement coming first makes her be a little more hesitant cuz like... sex is kind of The Thing Izzy Is Good At in her own head, and she's used to starting off with that, you know?

plus they're coworkers at izzy's other job that really matters to her and actually involves having a boss to answer to so that might be a problem

idk how this gets resolved tbh maybe they have a really great breakthrough at some point and they basically solve it together and they're all hugs and delightfulness and maia just goes "go out with me" and izzy's got that whole doe eyes thing going on and she's all breathless like "i thought youd never ask" and hhhhh im a sappy soft BITCH

i forgot about clary aaaaaaaaa and i think maia getting with clary would take a little while longer cuz they don't see each other as much as maia and izzy do, but like... izzy is having dates with them both all the time cuz she works two jobs and wants to make the best out of her time, okay. and maia and clary get along and slowly go from metamours to lovers (underrated dynamic tbh) and yeah

and hh can i just say.... maia and izzy's first time would be so good and sweet. izzy's got that whole Soft Domme thing going on tbh so i just picture her like worshipping maia's cock, slowly fingering her and whispering that she's so beautiful, she's doing so well, she's such a good girl. and then fucking her really slowly and tenderly probably holding hands or some shit cuz she is that bitch and her hair falls a bit over her face when she looks down at maia all adoring and gives her a drawn out orgasm that has her completely sated and breathless and then izzy kisses her face all over and the cornera of her lips and smiles

and maia goes "god, this is so much better than watching the videos" and izzy is One Hundred Percent Delighted like "you did watch the videos!!" and asks her what her favorites were and maia is like "uhh" and she's all "what? we can recreate them ;)" and maia's bi ass just spills all her thoughts right then and there, and they get right down to it

[lovelyirony]

Hmm Im just drinking some Respect Rhodey Juice tonight and was wondering if you would write smth about his journey/struggles of life and ppl who doubt him (and then eat their words when he looks fabulous and kicks ass)

A lot of people know Tony Stark’s story. They know that he considers Rhodey to be the best person in the world. He was in ROTC training, Tony made fun of him, but they ended up bonding over engineering and some inside joke at MIT.

They don’t know the whole story.

So here it is.

Rhodey grew up in a relatively nice household in Philadelphia. He still considers some aspect of that to be home, no matter if he hasn’t lived there since high school.

He remembers his dad’s low humming on Sunday mornings when he was a kid, the way he smiled at him.

“Hey Jimmy,” he would say quietly. “Wanna surprise mama with breakfast?”

Mama acted surprised every single time, even if every Sunday she got breakfast on a tray. Rhodey would grin brightly up at his mother and clamber into her bed to steal the “extra” piece of bacon.

(His dad cooked three slices, and saved one for his son.)

He remembers that his sister Jeannette was born when he was four years old, and he did not appreciate having a sister.

“You have to be a good role model for her, sugar,” Mama had told him. She was tired from the hospital, and had handed Jeannette to Dad. “She needs a good big brother.”

Rhodey doesn’t get why his mom is so insistent on that, having a good big brother. It isn’t until he’s eight and Mama’s own older brother comes asking for a car or some money for his new business that he understands that Mama had a very different sort of life. One that they don’t talk about.

So he grabs his dollar and walks his sister to the corner store and gets her a popsicle that dribbles down her chin. She got watermelon flavor.

“Thanks Jim,” Jeannette says, grinning. “You’re the best!”

He vows to always be the best for her.

Always.

Including an academic example. He scores excellently on his tests, enough to catch the notice of the private education institution. They send a nice lady to talk to Mama and Dad about the possibility of him learning there instead of his regular school.

They agree. Rhodey doesn’t exactly want to go, but gets that this is an opportunity.

The school is nearly all-white. That’s...weird. They look at him differently, ask weird questions. He keeps his head down, focuses on studying. He doesn’t realize it yet, but these people have never had to worry about their race.

He’s still a good student. He’s in the top ten, and people whisper and say that it’s because he’s black.

He stares them down and asks if they have a problem with the color of skin he has.

They stammer out a no, but he knows. He knows that they think that he’s gotten all sorts of advantages, and some will never believe that his success is merit-based. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, and he comes home angry.

“Be better,” Mama tells him, smoothing her hand over his face. “You know you’re better than what they always say. You just gotta keep going.”

-

It’s around this time that they go to the Franklin Institute.

And it’s there that he gets introduced into flight travel and falls in love.

He wants to know how planes work. He wants to know why they use some materials but not others, how it works.

“You could go into the Air Force,” his dad chuckles one night.

“Are you gonna be a pilot?” Jeannette asks, looking up from her toys. “You’d be a good pilot.”

“Maybe,” he tells them. “Maybe.”

The military is his best bet.

Come high school, he starts training immediately. He’s a good kid, all things considered. He follows orders well, is intuitive to what comes next, and his officer lets other officials know that this kid will be a good guy.

Assuming, of course, that they let Rhodey into a position of power. He wants to be a good pilot, he wants to have a good job that’s kind of safe.

He also needs to figure out college. He knows he needs a college degree, needs something to show that he is who he says he is.

Rhodey gets a full ride to MIT. His dad sighs and looks at him.

“Son, I need to talk to you...”

“I know I can do this,” Rhodey says determinedly. “I know that I can do a college education, I know I can prove others wrong, and--”

“I know that,” his father says. “But really...Boston?”

His mother laughs for a long while, and makes her husband promise to visit their son, even if they do have to voluntarily go to Boston.

When they move him in, they’re greeted with one Tony Stark chasing after a robot who has grabbed a broom and is wreaking havoc in the apartment.

“Hi,” Tony heaves. “Sorry to be meeting you all like this, I sincerely did mean to be presentable. I’m Tony Stark, nice to meet you.”

His parents are scared of Tony, all things considered. He’s a kid with too much influence on the world. If he says one wrong thing...Rhodey’s finished.

Rhodey holds no such fear because Tony is standing in mismatched socks and chasing after a robot.

When his parents leave and his teenage sister actually gives him a hug, he’s left in the room.

“You want pizza?” Tony asks, blinking. “I’m ordering a pizza.”

They sit together and eat pizza that has too much grease on it, and Tony asks all about Philadelphia. He’s never traveled there, and wants to know if people really do run up the stairs like in the movie Rocky.

Rhodey answers yes, unfortunately, a lot of tourists do that.  Tony laughs.

He talks about New York, everything that people get wrong or right about it.

Then they decide to compare class schedules, and it turns out they have a lot of the same classes.

Rhodey likes being friends with Tony. He’s an easy guy to fall into friendship with. He’s not expecting anything from him, just that he likes some food and tells Tony to knock it off if he’s being annoying.

ROTC training is still going well. Tony makes fun of the uniform and teases him, but also helps make sure his pants are ironed in time.

“I swear to god if I told anyone you were an Iron-kinda-Man, they wouldn’t believe me,” Rhodey teases him. “Thanks.”

He presses a kiss to Tony’s forehead before he rushes out.

-

The Air Force loves him. He’s in aerodynamic engineering, getting the best grades in the class, and has proven time and time again to be a natural-born leader. His very presence commands attention, and the guys around him respect him quite well.

He’s offered a position after graduation to become a pilot.

He’s flying high.

-

His parents, of course, are proud. They host a party with all their friends and family, and Rhodey truly feels like this is it.

Of course, it’s not easy. Nothing ever is. He has to command men and women, go against what others say. He was one of the first in his unit to advocate for women to be part of the team.

“They’re too emotional,” Kennick had remarked.

“And just who nearly cried because their football team didn’t make it to the Superbowl?” Rhodey asks him. “Because it sure as hell wasn’t your wife or daughter, Kennick.”

The rest of the team howls in laughter, and Rhodey smiles to himself.

Tony is still his best friend. They call each other often, although Tony is busier with the company now. Rhodey acts as a sort of liaison for the negotiations between SI and the military.

Tony sends him care packages that host a wild variety of things, ranging from quite the bottle of Scotch to four different McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys.

“Why the toys?”

“Kids keep leaving them in the SI building after their school tour. I have to do something with them.”

(Rhodey takes pictures of them around the base and nearly compromises a secret mission.

It’s worth it.)

But Rhodey’s life is good. It has its ups and downs, but he got what he wanted. And when he sees the other kids from his school who looked at him weird, the teachers who told him to “aim a bit lower” than his goals, he smiles.

He especially likes to smile to himself when he wakes up next to Tony, who smiles at him like he has all the stars in the world.

[luminisvii]

okay im gonna go black out and write some bullshit about my Thoughts on Literary Analysis and Character Writing bc i love writing and i love trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. i am an unfortunate fan of fire emblem, so the real joke is on me, but let’s do this anyway. using a lot of bold as always! it makes me feel special.

Why is Leonie such a divisive character? 

as per usual, here is my disclaimer that it’s okay to like Leonie. it’s also okay to dislike her, as long as you’re not being a massive dick about it. lord knows people are rude to me about lorenz and i didn’t ask for their opinions. if you like leonie, i am not out to get you, i’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t, i’m not even mad at you. Neat! you like a character i don’t! and that’s just fine. i honestly don’t care! go have fun! 

so let’s talk. theres a TL;DR at the end so be ready.

i’ll make no bones about it: i’m in the camp that dislikes her. i don’t have the energy to hate her as i do for faye, but leonie is pretty obnoxious as a character and it’s an uphill battle to like her. i’ve played VW like three times since i’m a self professed GD stan so i’ve dealt with her a lot, read most of her supports, and seen her as a character in actual cutscenes and stuff.

the short answer: making a character obsessed with another one and having that be most of their personality is really annoying. 

the long answer: let’s start on that now! these are my personal thoughts and analysis, so you’re free to disagree with me if you think i’m falling short.

one statement i will make right away is that i’m not offended by leonie being mean to the player. a lot of people who stan leonie like to argue that people dislike her because she’s one of the few characters who doesn’t kiss byleth’s ass immediately. that’s fine. that doesn’t bother me. after all, seteth and hapi are mean to byleth at first too, and those two are far more beloved… in fact, it’s funny that they’re mean to byleth. i would also argue that my favorite lord claude is not buddy buddy with byleth at first either, but if these popular opinion threads have proven anything to me, people love taking claude’s lying ass at face value. that’s besides the point—it’s okay that leonie isn’t immediately friendly to byleth. that is not an objective character flaw. characters need something to conflict over in the narrative, and not being instantly friendly to a player insert is not a problem in the slightest.

the major flaw in leonie’s character, imo, is that the writers decided it was a brilliant idea to make her obsessed with a man who barely seems to acknowledge her. this is an extremely unfortunate reoccurring character trope in fire emblem. notable other victims that more modern fe fans may recognize are faye and cordelia, faye being the worst offender. luckily, leonie isn’t as bad as faye. but it really is irritating that leonie, along with these other women, seem entirely driven by men who cannot acknowledge them. within three houses, you have similar traits in male characters as well: cyril is another notable offender, and to a lesser extent, dedue’s fixation on dimitri. now, we do see jeralt talking to leonie at the very least, and he does speak about her at least once in my memory, and positively at that. so it’s not as pathetic as the likes of faye. 

outside of that, leonie cannot stop fucking reminding everyone she comes across: she loves captain jeralt. she’s his only apprentice. and you, dear player, who is his child, are not good enough, because you don’t love him as much as she does. practically all her convos with byleth are about how they don’t love jeralt enough, save for a slight turn around in the A support where she talks about her promise to protect byleth in jeralt’s place. to be honest, i usually ditch her in any run i’m forced to take her (hello sylvain, the superior idiot redhead cavalier) so this promise is just cute.

the arrogance in this attitude is insensitive at best, and as seen in her B support with byleth, potentially malicious and self centered at worst. 

let’s not beat around the bush. the main point of contention for leonie is her B support with byleth, which is locked to jeralt’s death. you cannot get this support until jeralt has kicked it. and if you’re on GD, chances are you have gotten enough support points with leonie to get it immediately upon his death. the man’s grave is still fresh. what does she have the gall to say to her beloved mentor’s child?

“I've spent my whole life working to become a great mercenary like your father. There were so many times when I wanted to ask his advice, but I couldn't. I just had to make do. That's how I've made it this far. Just hard work, all on my own. But then you come along... And it's like you don't appreciate Captain Jeralt at all, or how lucky you were to have him around your whole life! Ugh! It still really bothers me! You might be his kid, but I'm still his best apprentice! Got it?!”

YIKES.

no matter how you dice it, saying that to someone whos father just died? NOT GOOD. it doesn’t matter what her reasoning is. a lot of people argue that this is realistic, that she’s acting out of grief. maybe so. however, if the game wants me to like her, they’re failing, no matter how realistic her reaction is. if this was supposed to be seen as a moment of weakness, that would be one thing, but it’s clear leonie never learns anything from this. she never gets better. she spends the rest of her life constantly centered on jeralt, and sees byleth as a competitor and obstacle to his affections, even after he’s dead. 

i don’t want to entirely make this about byleth, because let’s be real, byleth is only one of her many supports. but it is the most easily noticeable, and the least charitable to her character. 

also fun fact i did a basic search for jeralt in her supports and thats 37 times hes mentioned lmao this isn’t even accounting for her non support dialogue! which is still a lot! 

so a decent chunk of her supports still involve her talking about how great jeralt is as if the man is jesus. her better supports don’t involve him at all. i don’t have easy access to a lot of her dialogue by chapter, but quite a bit of her regular dialogue references jeralt too, be it by name or title, and a good chunk of her endings, especially her solo one, have her just taking up his title and job and drinking habits. it’s supposed to be seen as cute.

this woman is in her 20s at the beginning of the game. she’s my age. this kind of behavior is worrying. 

so you’re thinking “tell, you’ve spent a LOT of time talking about how leonie won’t shut the fuck up about jeralt. what about the rest of her character? unlike faye, she actually has one!” right you are! i will concede that. leonie does have things going on for her outside of her constant screeching about jeralt! what are they?

we see that her personality has her as a hard worker and frugal person because she’s grown up in a life that has less than many of her peers. she’s rational and rather keen, capable of assessing her opponents correctly and outsmarting them. she likes to help others. her supports with claude are fairly interesting as they talk about their own perspectives on the world to each other in a friendly manner. she talks to bernadetta and praises her skill in craft and manages to befriend her. in fact, all her supports where she doesn’t mention jeralt at all are pretty good. she can be headstrong and sometimes quick to jump to conclusions, but leonie isn’t one to be too beholden to preset ideas and shows a capability to learn and change.

wait, this sounds like a pretty well rounded and likeable character i’m describing! what happened here? this kind of portrayal is almost contradictory to the side of her that only thinks of jeralt. 

a lot of people who like leonie like her for these aspects. at first, i had thought her to be interesting, since she’s the poorest student in the entire school, here on money raised by her entire village, which must have been extremely difficult for them to do. she doesn’t understand how nobles can be so frivolous, and butts heads with the likes of hilda, who has been raised in luxury her whole life and she clashes even harder with lorenz, who is obsessed with nobility. in a way, leonie is the slap from reality that many of the rich students from garreg mach need. and she also serves an important function in the dynamic of the deer—she’s a bit of a hapless straight man to all their bullshit. they always need one of those! in the lions, that role falls to ingrid, while edelgard plays that to her own house. 

so yes, there is merit in leonie’s character. there’s a lot to like about her here. however, in my opinion, it’s not enough to make up for the incredibly abrasive aspects of her fixation on jeralt. it really just comes back to that—that someone decided that it would be a fantastic character trait to have her never stop thinking about a man, and flaunt this to the man’s child. constantly. almost all her dialogue directed at byleth is about jeralt. post skip, a lot more of her lines become about jeralt and making him proud. it’s like she thinks that he’s her dad. she’s a grown ass woman! leonie is one of the older students! she is an adult by the time the game starts! an adult with some actual worldly experience, unlike her peers! what went wrong? why is she like this? why did they make her so fucking annoying when it comes to jeralt?

so yes, that’s what i think is the major flaw of her character. a flaw that is not easily overcome. cyril is a largely derided character for similar reasons. another simple control+f tells me that rhea is mentioned in cyril’s supports 59 times so uh, woo! he has leonie beat there.

worst of all this is a flaw that narratively, she does not overcome. she never grows and gets better from it. she never changes her single minded determination to impress jeralt, even long after he’s dead. a good chunk of her endings have her taking up his business and acting just like him, taking his title too. somehow lorenz is the more likeable character, and lorenz starts off as a much worse person than her! he starts as a stinky incel classist and somehow, especially over the course of verdant wind, manages to learn and grow and change into a much better person, while leonie remains stagnant in who she is. her own peers outdo her in almost every aspect, in that they appear to be capable of growing up while leonie, already an adult, never seems to show any signs of maturing over the course of the game. we see ignatz turn from a meek nerd to someone who’s willing to do what it takes to protect what he cares about. marianne grows from suicidal and depressed to finding the will to live because it means she’ll be able to spend more time with things she enjoys and people she loves. lorenz goes from snobbish and distant over his complex about nobility to being one of the kindest members of the deer, willing to go against his father for the greater good. even hilda matures! hilda starts the game lazy and unambitious, trying to avoid work, saying she’d never risk her life for her friends, to fighting against some of the strongest forces in the continent and ESPECIALLY on CF we see her refusing to abandon claude in his time of need, no matter how bad it gets, even if it costs her life. what does leonie do? leonie seems to forever be stuck in the mindset that she has to impress jeralt, no matter how far she goes.

this is incredibly nitpicky, i’ll admit, this isn’t really part of the character analysis, but i find she under performs as a unit too. she may have ungodly speed and no weaknesses in her skills, but damage output wise she’s easily outdone in house by the other canon paladin of lorenz and his wonky statline, and out of house sylvain has basically the same ability as her, the same color hair, and a crest + relic that make him way more effective. the man has bulk, too. so, that’s a small ding to leonie as well. i had the same problem with sully in awakening. for all the talk about how these women are just as good as the men, they appear to under perform quite a bit.

and i’m gonna talk real quick in a basic list format of arguments i’ve seen for people defending leonie, since i’m running out of like, a coherent way to talk about some of this stuff.

-She’s realistic.

maybe so, but the game intends for me to find her as likeable and sympathetic, as it is for all recruitable characters. her reactions to byleth and sometimes others may be realistic, but don’t paint a charitable image of her. again, the moment in her B support with byleth is so bad, it makes her seem like she’s acting towards them with cruel intent. while i don’t care about byleth’s feelings since byleth isn’t a real person, what it does is it paints leonie as malicious, no matter what her intent was or how realistic it is. yes, she’s in grief, she’s lost someone important to her, but in what context is telling someone who just lost their dad that they didn’t love him enough supposed to garner anything but hatred? even if she apologizes for it in their A support, that means she basically took years to do so and still seems to think of byleth as an obstacle to her being like jeralt.

although as i have said before, the rest of her personality is fine. i find her non jeralt stuff is much more well written. she’s a down to earth person amidst a sea of lunatics. that’s not a problem.

-People don’t like her because she’s mean to Byleth. 

this is probably true in some regards although i can’t say for certain. because byleth is a player insert and some might take it personally, but otherwise i find this isn’t much of a good universal claim since there’s more to the disdain to that. personally, i think it’s hilarious when video game characters are mean to me, but that’s just My Opinion, so no, i’m really not offended by leonie being mean to me. other characters are also mean to byleth, and that leads into the next point...

-Other characters act similarly towards Byleth and they’re popular.

one, look at those stupid unpopular opinions threads on twitter. they’re not as loved as you think. two, a lot of the characters who are listed for these things are often the likes of seteth and felix, and let’s talk about the context of their actions there. seteth is indeed mean to byleth at first, but his intent is wildly different from leonie’s—he’s suspicious, and rightfully so, of this mercenary who came out of nowhere and rhea is suddenly showing a lot of interest in and is giving a position of power to. seteth is not acting out of malintent or jealousy, he’s acting out of concern for the students and his daughter as well as rhea. because his core intent is “protect everyone around me” it comes off as far more palatable and dare i say, endearing. this is vastly different than “i’m jealous towards byleth because i love their dad and hate that they’re getting attention i can’t.” with a character like felix, this is outright incorrect—felix is not necessarily more rude to byleth more than he would be anyone else. felix is angry with the faerghus four in particular, but everyone else gets the same level of vague disrespect from him otherwise, so his behavior is not centralized to byleth. again, i don’t care about byleth’s feelings. there is also cyril, who is similarly obsessed with rhea, and is just as irritating as leonie for it, if not worse because he gets an extra layer of being a poc character obsessed with a white one who saved him. 

tl;dr: context and intent matters. a lot. i know this is a ton to ask of the fe fandom to consider taking things beyond face value, but please consider the context of characters actions and their intent behind them.

-People who don’t like Leonie are misogynistic.

i won’t discount that there are bad actors who are likely extra critical of leonie because she’s a female character. it could be and has been argued that the reasons that characters like edelgard and ingrid are so controversial is because they are female. but not everyone who raises criticisms is strictly doing so in bad faith. most people i’ve seen criticizing leonie do it for the same reasons i am, which is that she’s an abrasive character. these traits would not be any better on a male character and in some regards could be worse. so for this one, it’s better to take it as a case by case situation, and pay attention to how people are talking. those doing so for less savory reasons often let it slip eventually, somehow. i’ve been avoiding using the word “bitch” in this entire thing for this exact reason.

-Her non-Byleth supports are good.

this is highly subjective imo and comes down to what you personally like in a character. i do like some of her non byleth supports, but she still has an unfortunate habit of bringing up jeralt in non byleth supports, so the only ones that are truly good are the ones where she doesn’t talk about him at all. even then, some like her one with marianne can do the same accidental portrayal of her seeming like a pretty unpleasant person. this isn’t saying that leonie can’t be flawed or short tempered, after all i adore felix and he’s got Some Fuckin Issues, but her portrayal as a kind and bright person clashes with how she’s portrayed surrounding byleth and jeralt. far too much. i like her supports with claude, i like her line with bernadetta, and her seteth one is good too, but i’d also argue that as a personality she doesn’t bring much to the table. she’s a perfectly serviceable character when she’s not dealing with byleth, but i personally fail to see more appeal to her. she isn’t particularly enrapturing like some of the others, and unlike someone like ingrid who has a similar role in BL, doesn’t have the shared history and integration with the deer that grants ingrid a unique perspective on her peers. although again, this is highly subjective, so it’s tough to argue about this. i’ll grant that yes, the writing that doesn’t surround jeralt is WAY better and almost makes leonie a redeemable character.

-Other characters are worse.

very true! i’ll cite faye again as the bottom line for “this is how abysmal this character could be” and in feth itself there is, as stated many times before, cyril. however it doesn’t mean that leonie is better by association. and i also often see people citing seteth as an example over the rudeness to the player too, but once again that’s about context and intent. hapi is a lesser example, due to a similar mistrusting nature, and there’s quite a bit of the cast who are cold and rude because that’s just who they are. now, thank fucking god that leonie actually talks about things that aren’t jeralt. like, seriously, i’d die. she still talks about him too much, but i really should go through all of faye’s dialogue to do a proper count. 

so now you’re probably thinking—if you even got this far—“gee tell, you sure do like running your fuckin mouth, eh? so what’s the point of all this?” let’s wrap it up. 

the TL;DR:

what this all boils down to is that leonie’s got a serious problem in her writing where her entire life revolves around a man, and the way it’s dealt with isn’t particularly great. she doesn’t have a dynamic character arc like some others that redeem them from their problems, and the personality she has outside of her relationship to jeralt and byleth often clashes with the one she has with them, particularly centering on byleth. when dealing with byleth, the image it paints of her is extremely negative, and not one easily shaken—again, the B support moment is just THAT BAD. that is the most cited moment for why people hate her. it just seems like for all the flaws she has, they are not compensated for or grown out of like other characters in the game do for theirs.

theres also that tweet about how we put more thought into these characters than intsys does, so. yeah. definitely doing that right now. thanks, intsys, you did it again.

i will also point to the argument that we should hold the writers accountable, not the fictional characters who aren’t real and don’t have feelings. i don’t think leonie needs to be held accountable for her bullshit. i just wish the writers could have treated her better.

this is personally why i find leonie so difficult, and hopefully if you didn’t understand why people don’t like leonie, this can help enlighten you. i’m willing to hear people out if they have something to say, and as always, if you are a leonie stan, please go enjoy yourself, have fun, and don’t let me ruin your parade. i just enjoy trying to figure things out and talking a lot along the way! so that’s all, here’s hoping that in the future they do better, and remember that GD is the best house okay bye take this picture of me typing up this whole ass thing

[crafiet]

1-50 of the writers ask thingy, tell me everything :D

D:

1 : What age-group do you write?adult! ive always written characters my age or a few years older

2 : What genre do you write?sff, mostly fantasy

3 : Do you outline according to big ideas or small details?hmmm, i guess small details? when i get an idea, i get an idea for single scenes or pieces of dialogue or a certain character, so i piece together an outline from that. but i have trouble with a overarching plot lol

4 : Which do you prefer–line-editing or plot-revisions?line-editing, i love editing. revisions suck bc it takes me 10,000 yrs to come up with an idea and now i have to replace it with another??? blasphemous

5 : Do you write better with or without deadlines?ive written my whole life without deadlines except for when i tried nano last year and failed. so without i guess, but then i dont have anything to convince me to write more lmao

6 : What would be the biggest compliment you could hope to receive on your current WIP?idk probably that its someones favourite book, or to see fanart *.*

7 : How long is your current WIP?26,305 words, its a rewrite heh

8 : What author would you be most excited to be compared to?hummmmmm,,,idk when people call new fantasy books “the next game of thrones” it sounds so fake lol but idk who my favourite author is...

9 : What do you struggle most with as a writer?writing

10 : Do you brain-storm story ideas alone or with others?mostly alone but YOU, ASH, help sometimes. its good to get an objective ear

11 : Do you base your characters off of real people?nah lol, im not good at characters

12 : Is your writing space clean or cluttered?clean

13 : Do you write character-driven or plot-driven stories?plot-driven. my writing is extremely fast paced, and i dont tend to like reading character-driven works

14 : Do you have a favorite writing-related quote?ive answered this in previous ask. the 'drunk on writing’ one by ray bradbury

15 : If you transport your original characters into another author’s world, which world would you choose?everyone else’s worlds are so harsh lol maybe id put them in atla so they can fuck around w bending

16 : Would your story work better as a movie or tv show? Why?miniseries ﾟ*｡(･∀･)ﾟ*｡ but it would lend itself to a movie yeah

17 : Do you make soundtracks for each story?nah, lazy ass

18 : If you could assign your story one song, what would it be?unbecoming by starset

19 : Would you rather live in your characters’ world, or have your characters come live in our world?honestly? i wanna escape capitalism and wield a sword

20 : What book would you love to see adapted for the big or small screen?zero world by jason m hough!!!! its a pretty big book i think a movie duology or a tv show would work!

21 : Do you finish most of the stories you start?no

22 : Has your own writing ever made you cry?no lol 

23 : Are you proud or anxious to show off your writing?anxious cz im bad

24 : When did you start considering yourself a writer?i meannnnnnnn do i even now thoooooo

25 : What books are must-reads in your genre?sff is so broad, read whatever tf u want

26 : What would you like to see more of in your genre?diversity, not just in race gender sexuality but in fucking plots like damn give me something w a twist

27 : Where do you get inspiration from?real life, books, movies

28 : On a scale of 1-10, how much do you stress about choosing character names?about a 2, i just search on a generator until i find one i like im not a stickler for names nd i dont usually have placeholder names or anything

29 : Do you tend to underwrite or overwrite in a first draft?chronic underwriter hence the only 20k words

30 : Does writing calm you down or stress you out?calm me down, i have no control over my own life so its good to have complete control over my oc’s lives. i dont tend to have the ‘characters run away from me’ thing, but probably bc i dont see it like that lol

31 : What trope do you actually like?ride-or-die, charas who are knowledgeable and badass from the beginning, i hate following the character learning to do something lmao im impatient

32 : Do you give your side-characters extensive backstories?depends on the side character, every character is fleshed out to an extent but i dont do a massive family tree or anything

33 : Do you flesh-out characters before you write, or let their personalities develop over time?i tend to create characters before plot so i would say i know them pretty well before starting but i do let them develop naturally within the story without forcing them into any box

34 : Describe your old writing in one word.tryhard

35 : Is it more fun to write villains or heroes?mmm both have their merits, i went through a phase where i loved villains but a warped heroes journey or a morally grey/anti-hero can be super good too

36 : Do you write with a black and white sense of morality?nah, murky

37 : What’s one piece of advice you would give to new writers?try anything. anything it doesnt matter if ur nervous or you ‘dont write in that genre’ or you dont even like that genre. its good to train yourself and go out of your comfort zone, makes u a better writer imo. also dont read this and think ‘im not writing an entire historical romance novel bc i hate it’ i mean just one shots. a paragraph or two. try out writing prompts, it really flexes ur skillsalso dont feel like everything u have to write will be published, thats what i mean by try out little paragraphs or prompts. let go of this idea that any of this work will see the light of day [unless u rly want it to] and just have fun, go wild, go crazy, go stupid

38 : What’s one piece of writing advice you try–but fail–to follow?its mostly those ones that help u have cleaner, more beautiful writing. i write really beige-like and its hard to be poetic or flowery

39 : How important is positive reinforcement to you as a writer?probably super important

40 : What would you ask your favorite author if given one question?when ur next book out

41 : Do you find it distracting to read while you’re writing a first draft?nah

42 : Do critiques motivate or discourage you?ive never really had many, so i would say discourage bc i dont have a thick skin with my writing

43 : Do you tend to write protagonists like yourself or unlike yourself?unlike myself, i like to write bold, confident characters and im not that lol escapism much

44 : How do you decide what story idea to work on?whichever interests me the most at the moment, i can jump between projects easily so i dont have a problem 

45 : Do you find it harder or easier to write when you’re stressed out?harder, i cant look at my writing if im stressed else ill absolutely hate it and might do something drastic like delete it all lol

46 : What Hogwarts house would your protagonist(s) be in?ary is slytherincyri is ravenclawash is gryffindorcaena is slytherin [i dont know how to spell the house names]

47 : Where do you see yourself as a writer in five years?still writing id hope

48 : Would you ever co-write?nah

49 : Are you a fast and rushed writer or a slow and deliberate writer?i used to be fast and rushed bc i was so impatient i just wanted to see the end product but i realised that i really love being in the world of my wips as long as possible so i draw it out and really mull everything over

50 : Would you rather be remembered for your fantastic world-building or your lifelike characters?both lol? i do love worldbuilding but i think characters make a greater impact

[harryseyebrows]

give me your experience in full detail about harry’s show... i need to mentally prepare myself for msg

1. there is nothing that can prepare you for the moment he first comes on stage. its indescribable. we spend so much time on here reblogging pictures and videos and interacting with content about or surrounding harry, that you can sometimes lose touch with the actual human person who its all for and about. but when you see him, its just.... amazing. theres not a strong enough word for it. and to be in a room where everyone is feeling that way? the palpable excitement and joy?? you can feel it in your blood

2. i know this point has been exhausted by anyone and everyone, but he is truly meant to be a performer. we knew this from when he was in 1d but nothing will ever touch him being on his own. you can tell that having the band up there makes him feel more comfortable, and given how much he interacts with them and makes them a part of the show, you know that him doing his ~solo stuff~ is not about trying to hog the spotlight. he’s a self-proclaimed narcissist, but dont be fooled; harry styles is a ham but he’s not selfish or arrogant. he still needs his support group, he still needs to be able to shard a bond with the people he performs with so that he can be confident and comfortable, and try to afford them the same. he works the stage like its the only thing he’ll ever do, giving it 110% with the most genuine adoration for his audience that ive seen from anyone, ever. he doesnt just wave blindly or make grand sweeping gestures. he looks at people, really looks at people, and tries to make a connection with individual people in a room full of thousands. im pretty sure if he had the time to do that with every single person, he would. he’s chatty and loves to joke, talking to people like theyre old friends, and just for a moment, he turns the dynamic between fan and celebrity on its head. he’s hardly ever still, moving and bopping along like he’s in his own little world, but that world also happens to house the audience and everyone else in the room. youre standing there, 1 of thousands of people, and you can feel like youre one-on-one with him. he’s just incredibly personable and good-natured. and then when he’s not being a professional nice young man, he’s exploding with energy and utilizing the entire stage and all of his limbs. ‘born for it’

3. he’s so funny. he’s goofy and charming and not afraid to be weird or awkward, and its just really admirable, to see him up there, clearly having a great time, laughing and smiling. i loved seeing the more ~private~ moments between him and the band, if anything can be considered private when performing. but he’s constantly grinning at them and making faces, sharing silent jokes or saying things in passing that we cant hear. and of course, you never quite know whats gonna come out of his mouth next when he spots someone or something that earns his attention from the audience. he pokes fun at people but he also pokes fun at himself. it’s just nice. comfortable, even, when he talks to people from the crowd. if youre in the back and out of range for what he can see, and he can make you feel like the only two people there, i cant even begin to imagine what it must be like when he has his laser beam focus on you, directly. 

4. his voice is incredible. all of the little runs and ad-libs that he does are great. i remember reading a quote from a while ago, when he was still in 1d, and someone had said that harry has a great ear and that harmonies and other such things come really easy to him. and i always think about that when i hear him sing live, whether in concert or in a video. the tone quality of his voice is so beautiful, even when its being amplified to crazy decibels. you can tell he puts his whole heart and soul into every song he sings, whether its a slow one like mmith or the absolute banger that is kiwi. and its so fun to hear his renditions of old 1d songs -- the arrangements are so good and its so nice to hear those songs with just his voice. sott is still just That Song™ and hearing it live is something that stays with you forever. 

5. THE OUTFIT. when the screen went up, i was so excited to simply see him that i wasnt even thinking about ‘oh what is he wearing’ until about 5 minutes in when i realized that i was no other than harris reed. harry has always marched to the beat of his own drum, and we’ve poked fun at his fashion sense for years, from the toe-revealing brown boots, to the double plaid button downs. and it wasnt really until the white gucci floral suit that, in my opinion, he started to really come out of his fashion shell in a big, loud, in your face way. its been so interesting to watch him experiment over the years with different trends, different styles, different vibes, etc. but now he’s still just as adventurous, if not MORE, but in a really refined and arguably more cohesive way. because while all of his outfits are different and wild, the unpredictability and diversity make up a category all on their own; they common thread among them is that they’re all so unique. and while we might not like every single look or every single suit, no one can deny that he’s going out there and putting his own stamp on the men’s fashion world. look at the number of little boys who adore him and put on printed suits to be like him. what he’s doing matters. and he looks so comfortable and so in his element when he’s on stage, wearing whatever flowy or glitter ensemble thats on the docket for that evening, prancing around and looking like he doesnt have in care in the world that his trousers are flared and he has a giant silky bow around his neck. i love that he appreciates new and adventurous designs, and it really pays tribute to his character that he supports different designers, like harris reed, whos still in school and is getting the recognition he deserves, 100% on his own merit but also because harry helped boost his platform. harry is doing his own thing, doing the whole glitz and glamour performance thing, but none of it feels cheap or over the top. its just right and really reflects his personality and style. go on with ur bad self, harry.

6. the butt. what can i say? its now an element of the show. she’s plump and proud. he worked hard to get her where she is and she deserves to be showed off. like two beautiful melons draped in fabric, whether it be a solid color, black, a print, or glitter. she does it all. and she does it well. AND shes au natural. no fat transfers here. just smooth, firm but also pleasantly supple, muscle and butt meat. surely youve heard of all you can eat buffets, but his butt takes it to a whole new level. that is a multi-course meal and then some. the glass of water you have when you wake up in the morning, parched and in need of something to help your dry mouth; breakfast, something healthy but still delicious... some thick maple and brown sugar oatmeal; lunch, a perfectly toasted grilled cheese with tomato soup; dinner, some top sirloin steak because you need some MEAT, accompanied by potatoes and another less starchy vegetable, perhaps a green bean?; dessert, cake of course. and all the snack in between. delicious. 

[groundramon]

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here!  I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing.  ok. alright. cool.  Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon.  just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like.  They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality.  I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish.  This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids.  What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him.  I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet.  No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is.  Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one.  They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like.  Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed.  The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it.  Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me.  alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible.  Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected.  Was very invested during it.  ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out.  Where are the 02 kids.  You should’ve brought them in to save the day.  That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun.  Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps.  Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty.  I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development.  He’s basically an entirely different person.  Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe.  He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE.  The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back.  They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei???  Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much.  It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters.  Whatever.  AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk?  This entire time???  Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends???  Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried.  Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao.  God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely.  Would I have still been bitter?  Yes.  But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise.  It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults.  These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining.  They do not work when placed into an adult setting.  Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world?  I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like.  Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure.  It doesn’t work.  Digimon Tri is basically that except real.  Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience.  It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that.  Like!  Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL.  Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life.  I want bad puns and emotional characters.  That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be.  Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars.  It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better.  You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead.  If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series.  Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS.  I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri?  But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish.  Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies.  Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit.  I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons.  It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments.  If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it.  It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept.  And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up.  It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon.  It raises interesting questions about the timeline too.  We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?  (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over)  But what about Diaboromon?  I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well.  Could Diaboromon still be out there too?  It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction.  Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil?  Like ?  That’s a pretty important thing.  The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02.  And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still.  It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened)  MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so.  God there’s just.  So much wrong with Tri.  I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me.  I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

[rqs902]

.

ah hyt’s issues with being too passive and not wanting to speak up about problems bc he’s worried about hurting other people’s feelings reminds me of what happened to jin fan on snzm this week :\ except hyt had to figure it out on his own bc no one else noticed and he didnt say anything about it to anyone. jin fan was urged to speak up but hyt had to mull it over in his head and stress over it until he could come to the decision that he needed to do something to help his team.

i respect that he came to that decision on his own and acted on it. as someone who’s relatively passive and conflict-avoidant myself, i think that takes a lot of resolve and courage. 

aw im happy xiao li got to sing too bc i really like his voice. what a talented boy! i think hyt is lucky the two of them give off the kind/gentle vibes so that he can pull them together. i dont know much about him, but i wonder if gem is right that hes had bad experiences with communicating with teammates (and aligning their hearts, as he said) before that’s led him to be more scared to be honest now. the 2 kids are like optimistic but you can tell hyt is so worried with their score ouch. 

wu xing’s voice is nice. im a wind player but with my limited knowledge of string instruments I feel like pengpeng’s playing is okay but not amazing. fsc’s bass is questionably out of tune?? or is it just me? something feels weird about his bass playing, it sounds kinda scratchy and sticks out to me too much, in like a weird way :\ but maybe its just because im used to hearing bass in classical music and not like this

LOL qiang ge being the buffer between jym and zk, are you sure youre gonna be okay child? the more i see qiang ge, the more smol he seems to me, like a cute child, who just happens to play the most blaring instrument LOL he seems very insecure about belonging on this show. he didnt want people to choose him unless they were absolutely sure in the first round, and then in the second round, he was so scared of ruining the next group that chose him and so grateful that they were willing to choose him and that they gave him so much encouragement to join their group. the fact that he needed that much encouragement and still felt undeserving is telling. the matching photo tshirts he custom ordered are cute! what a nice friend, to spend money on this to make everyone a little happier. i think its mature of him to encourage jym by saying he should think of the worst possible happening and try to accept it, to lessen his pressure. its still weird for me to realize people call zzn “nan ge” because he just seems so young in my mind lol but then you realize there are even younger kids on this show.

zhao ke’s rap was pretty good, i respect it. with that score i bet qiang ge’s gonna feel like it’s all his fault. i wonder if he blames himself or the instrument more for the fact that he was criticized for being too unvaried, but i feel like either of those is bad bc i feel like he should be proud of his instrument. 

aw maomao’s message and ljt’s response hahahhaha 

LOL ljt playing “who” and cutting it off abruptly. gao xin tai LOL 

ljt’s group’s perf def felt more complete. his voice is so nice, i still love it. i will say, i remember zhao tianyu sang this song on mrzz. i wonder if ljt remembers that too. 

hmm i really liked kxy’s singing voice, i thought it was really good, nicer than mz’s LOL but honestly i feel like i also understand from the teacher’s point of view, that he wasted their time and just didnt take their advice when they were trying to help him. hmm he seems likes hes very stubborn in doing what he believes, which isnt bad, he’s standing up for what he wants, but also then he immediately started crying when questioned about it. which makes me think hes not very confident in his choice and/or feels victimized/attacked for just doing what he wants. either way, kxy has shown he cries very easily lol. but i have mixed feelings about whether he’s handling criticism well. im not sure how old he is but he seems young 

LOL muji and swh just being like DELETE to wjy and being like straight up “it sounds bad” HAH im glad at least having two of them on the same page can put wjy in his place more LOL 

during the perf was muji holding the pick in his mouth? lol muji is such a 寶藏 with the bass guitar along with all his unique talents. this was a pretty epic perf, i thought theyd get a better score than that.

hm interesting that the uptown funk people told them tencent they needed to pay them more and tencent DIDNT, but they were still nice enough to approve their use of the song anyway bc of their “sincere” messages. wtf tencent. im pretty sure they have money to pay them more lol.

i kinda think yrz still seems a bit stiff to me onstage, like look at xiao zhi, hes literally so comfortable and free and hes so enjoying playing his bass guitar hes like having so much fun and is super into the music. at first i wasnt sure how well him and zy would mesh but wow hes really owned up to the avocado name LOL i feel like him and zy are really really caring older bros to yrz and hopefully yrz is super grateful bc he got super lucky. 

LOL TYLER FREAKING OUT OVER YRZ’S SMILE 

“NA GE XIAO RONG!!!!” 

HAHAHHAHAHAH 

i think it does say a lot that this perf got everyone like on their feet and grooving along, i see why they ranked 1st! 

kinda sad wsh was like yea no ones gonna notice us and then tencent proceeds to give them 5 seconds of practice room footage and the mentors are all shocked by the lowness of their score

hm :\ i kinda wanted to hear more about how they resolved the conflict between rainbow feeling too restricted by da xi’s more methodical approach to music. i think thats an interesting discussion, because i think both sides have their merits, so what kind of blend of a compromise will they come up with? and it does say a lot about their personalities. rainbow also feels similarly hesitant to reveal his feelings because of his friendship with da xi, which reminds me of hyt yet again but then this group got 5 seconds of footage in comparison so we dont really know how any of this got resolved. also how do they deal with mty sleeping and disappearing all the time?? i do think its kind of cute how mty seems to bend down and really direct his speaking towards the audience when talking to them. i really like their performance, this music style and fun-ness!

LOL the way ruiyang and yingge look at tyler is literally with such adoration wtf hahahahahaa and tyler buying them the bunny hats wtf this is so cute. feels very parental LOL theyre so supportive of him and helping him shine and tyler’s just like a child bringing them happiness LOL i think its notable that yingge says he feels like theyre all using their strengths in this perf bc thats #goals 

why do i feel like tyler and ruiyang ave absorbed yingge’s fashion LOL

THIS AESTHETIC 

i think u can tell like they (yingge?) put a lot of effort into communicating with the production team about their stage design. its not just about the music for them. lol this perf is shot like a music videoooo

ok im hesitant to comment on tyler’s trumpet playing bc it’s not very clean sounding to me, but you can tell hes putting a lot of effort into the small details still. and if hes been practicing a ton, i know it can be painful to try to play into that kind of mouthpiece cleanly with tired lips. he has yet to amaze me but it seems like he’s working hard so i respect that. hes also very lucky to be in a group with two supportive geges. like ps said, i think it is notable that ruiyang is doing so well in a genre of music he wasnt previously into. and yingge’s personality must be some kind of strong to really influence the other 2 so much 

aw tyler crying out of happiness and ruiyang just bursting out laughing and pats tyler’s head with a “早講嗎!" bc he was worried about tyler being sad hahahahaha he just sounded so taiwanese there it made me happy. aw tyler must be really well loved by all the geges who crowd him with hugs when they see him crying like xiao zhi ahahah

oof samhar being brought to tears when gem notes how hard he worked on the composition. (oo xiao zhi helped him! - that’s it, im curious how old he is, so i went to his weibo and he’s just a little older than me! born in 95. but then i saw he and zy have made some conflict-confronting posts today and im like .-. what happened? not sure whats up, but it seems like theyre generally okay, fans seem mad tho) 

actually tbh totally makes sense to me why xiao zhi, rainbow, and yingge’s groups are the top 3 in that order, like their stages were really good and memorable. 

ouch qiang ge feeling all the guilt and like he doesn’t have the skills to do better :( why is the show ok with jym acting this way? why is there a lack of communication that leads him to not understand what’s going on with the votes? they chase after him, he’s moping, they just film him and are barely encouraging enough to get him to come back at the very last minute. im sure he’s very frustrated but its also unprofessional and disrespectful of him to leave like that. how does that make his group mates feel that hes just gone? this is all very questionable to me. 

wait i havent been keeping up with their current rankings but wtf the kids who are like super worried are like ranked super high??? like im assuming they’ll be fine?? like jym and hyt’s group members are all relatively high... (I realize now why hyt got so much screentime LOL hes #1....) im surprised tyler is so low and i wonder if he’ll get more popular after this ep lol 

anyyywayyy so it looks like they’re having a party and elims next week so im sure thatll be an emotional roller coaster... and snzm is having elims next week too so thats just great... double the disaster 

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #20

Sometimes it blows my mind how many questions and comments you all have and want to share. This makes 400 we’ve got to in this format. Once again I’ve tried to tag people, but if you sent a question on Anon you’ll have to look yourself to see if you were answered.

@crazy-aquarium-lady said: Do you have any experience with farm or large animals in general? Goats for instance?

I spent the first few years of my veterinary career working in mixed practice, which included large animals and goats. I really did enjoy goats, though they often weren't kept as seriously as other livestock, but I'd have to admit I'm somewhat out of practice with large animals.

Anonymous said: omg all of your animal names are incredible. i once met two cocker spaniels called Beans and Trousers and that was pretty amazing

Bean and Trousers are great names too

@sketchingblanks said: Hi there Dr. Fox! Thank you for your wonderful blog and all that you do. My dwarf hamster recently passed away at the age of 3 and I'm a wildlife rehabilitator who has dealt with animal death many times before, but it's never quite the same when it's one of your own. However it did make me wonder what is the smallest animal you have ever worked with? Was it more fun or challenging? Question tax: How do you take your tea? I usually have something herbal (like peppermint/spearmint) with honey.

The smallest patient I've personally dealt with was a mouse. But the finch with the broken leg was pretty close. Believe it or not I don’t actually drink tea.

Anonymous said: Question: have you ever treated an arthropod (specifically tarantulas, because they can rupture their abdomen pretty easily) or know someone who specializes in that? Because I'm quite interested in knowing if vets provide care to arthropods, or if its better for the owner to perform medical care to their tarantula at home (ICU's, helping a bad molt, treating hemolymph leaks, etc).

I haven't personally treated an arthropod, though I learned a bit about them during work experience at the Melbourne Aquarium, most of their medicine seemed to be 'just don't make them sick'. There are vets that will treat them though, the Bird & Exotic Animal Clinic is my go-to for exotics (you should check out their facebook page).

Anonymous said: You dont have to reply to this if you dont want to, i just wanted to say i have rats and i love them so much and i will do anything they need at the vets. Because idk i thought maybe you might need encouragement that there are people who prioritize exotic animals health. I hear a lot of stories of people that wont get vet care for their rats but not a lot about people who do. Thought it might give you a little bright light amongst all the dark. Have a great day youre amazing.

People like you are definitely out there. Thank you for your comment.

Anonymous said: just needed to blow off a bit of steam because this still annoys me, but my father told me that taking a hamster to the vet to make sure she's healthy before taking her to college with me as a support pet was "a waste of money." granted, he hasn't taken the family cat to the vet in about seven years, so he generally seems to think that veterinary care is a waste of money. i love my hammy and i just want to make sure she's healthy, but since she isn't a cat or dog, she's "not worth it"

Anon, sounds like your father would think any dollar spent at a vet clinic is a waste of money, regardless of what sort of animal it was. There's not much you can do to change people's minds about this, so just do what you need to do.

Anonymous said: It's amazing how many people don't understand how economics works. They seem to expect vets to do everything for free or for cheap, but if they did that, how could they afford to eat? And besides that, you guys DESERVE to be paid for your time and effort. I wish more people thought about it like that instead of just looking at their bill and thinking that their pet's life isn't worth that much. Thank you for everything you do.

Veterinary medicine is one of the fields where people seem to think it's criminal for a practice to make a profit. Most other professions are not vilified for making a wage, but we're expected to like our jobs enough to work for free. Partly this is our own fault because we start to believe it after a while but we do frequently undercharge, do desexing surgery at cost, and treat strays and wildlife for free. The difficulty is most of this charity is invisible

Anonymous said: I want to say thank you as well because I thought I wanted to become a vet for the longest time, but reading this blog among others has actually taught me that it probably wouldn't be right for me. Now I'm more interested in something like a research professor. The amount of respect I have for you is boundless. I love seeing your work and following you and I think it's a good thing that I stumbled across this blog. This way I won't be stuck in a career that I wouldn't like.

Being stuck doing something you don't really like isn't a fun place to be. I'm glad you've found some more options and hope everything works out great for you.

Anonymous said: My favourite part of your blog has always been your vet stories, so I've been curious -- What kind of case/problem gives you the most satisfaction to solve?

Anything where I actually find a treatable diagnosis. Animals that get better 'mysteriously' are great and all, but I want to know why. And getting the answer is only bitter sweet if the answer is catastrophic or terminal. EPI, Addison’s and reconstructive cases are my favourite, because you can do so much good for them.

@daedricprincessxoxo said: Cute story for happiness: So a nurse-for-people brought in her dog for a sick visit. Unlike most human med people I've met, she was so respectful of those of us in veterinary medicine, and absolutely fascinated by how similar it all was to human medicine. Not only was she a dream client, her dog had freckles on its nose, which the vet adored too. What was funny is when she referred to the dog's spay as a hysterectomy instead.

It's great when you get a good one instead of a know-it-all. Technically a dog spay is an ovariohysterectomy though, we take those pesky ovaries out too.

Anonymous said: Im a vet assistant at a local shelter, and while helping a family look at dogs they remarked to me, "yeah our daughter is allergic to dog FUR but not dog HAIR. Do you know which dogs have just hair?" Needless to say, i was a little speechless and just recommended a poodle. Theres no real difference....right?

It's only semantics but some people like to use it to feel special. Hair and fur are chemically the same, if you're really allergic to one you're allergic to both, but hair is finer and typically longer so either doesn't shed or sheds much more rarely. It's weirdly common for poodle owner to be proud that their dogs have hair instead of fur. As long as they end up loving the dog, it doesn't really matter.

Anonymous said: Here's one: I work at a pet store. A man came in asking for a remote electric shock collar for a 3 lb Yorkie. Told him we carried nothing small enough to be safe. He told me it wasn't for barking - he and his wife had cattle, and when they went to visit the herd the dog would go pelting towards the cows. He said, "I just need something to drop er so she don't get stomped." I suggested a leash. He replied, "Nah, she don't like leashes."

Nothing the general public does or says surprises me anymore.

Anonymous said: I have a natural English Cocker. Her tail is heavy, constantly wagging, and a hazard to any legs in the vicinity :) Where I am there's a lot of working cockers, and hunters will swear up and down that docking is necessary because they'll ruin their tails in the brambles, etc. I'm not convinced - my (pet) dog loves diving into thick cover and this has never been an issue. Their ears are surely more of a risk, I'd think, but no-one's trying to crop those. Is there any real merit to docking?

No, there is no real merit to docking healthy tails and you're correct in assuming the ears of cocker spaniels are far more problematic for these dogs. Cocker Spaniels are the most notorious breed for difficult, drug resistant ear infections, with quite a few of them requiring lateral or total ear canal ablation surgery, but nobody would even think about docking Cocker Spaniel ears. This is because docking and cropping are done for aesthetics, not function.

@cakeandpi said: A long time ago, I took my cat in to the vet because he was limping badly and did not want to be handled. Turns out, rather than breaking his leg or anything like that, his hip joint had essentially eroded away and - to quote - “looked like swiss cheese”. His leg was amputated and it healed nicely, though he never let anyone close to that part of his body again. He had a long, easy, and mobile life, until he was roughly 18 years old (he was a shelter rescue) when his kidneys finally gave out on him for good. Whatever happened to his hip bone, it was unusual enough that the vet sent a sample to a vet research clinic. It’s been a few years since my cat passed, and even more since his amputation, but it helps a little to think that that sample might one day help, I don’t know, with orthopedic research or something of the sort. Maybe. Question tax: I really like your fantasy-animal science posts!

I of course have no way of knowing where the hip bone went, but I'm sure somebody, somewhere will make use of it. Veterinary Medicine is advancing all the time, which is the best thing about science, and accumulating raw materials and data is critical for us to be able to do so.

Anonymous said: hi dr ferox! i love your blog! earlier today my sister cut our cat's claws with human nail trimmers. i know you're not supposed to do that, but i don't know why. i looked at his claws after she told me she did it and they don't look hurt. should i be worried? thank you so much!

I use human nail trimmers on my cats' nails all the time. It's fine if your technique is good, though they're not the easiest device to use for that purpose.

@gemma-handyman said: Dear Dr Ferox, I've tried to find the answer via google but have come up short. Do you know why some cats have such an affinity for loaves of bread? For instance, my grandmother's cat, Cece, would drag loaves beneath my grandmother's bed and fiercely protect the pilfered loaf. She's not the only cat I've heard of with a strange penchant for gluten and carbohydrates. Do you know why some cats love loaves of bread? Question tax: came for the mythical breed breakdowns- stayed for the irl info

Cats can digest carbohydrates, and from a metabolic point of view they're likely treating it as glycogen in terms of dehydration. Some cats like novel chewing textures, celery leaves is another common thing for cats to like, so may be just chewing it for fun.

Anonymous said: I want to be a vet tech but everyone always says I'm selling myself short... vet techs are just as useful right?

Of course they are. Have you ever seen a human hospital function without nurses?

Anonymous said: So our clinic has a batch of neonate puppies. 10 of them. I'm clearly not going to be able to sleep for the foreseeable future, as I'm on puppy duty. At least they're cute.

Good luck bottle feeding the little squeakers. They'll turn into waddling balls of chaos soon enough.

@fndm-trsh-sht said: my cat is a lil shit- but a cute lil shit- t h a t i s a l l- *slinks awaayyy*

Most cats are buddy, but we love them anyway.

Anonymous said: Something about the angle of trashbags ears reminds me of a goblin. Hes wonderful

He is a bit of a gremlin, he's starting to grow into his ears though.

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 11 | “You let me like a parasite leach into this game and I will not be going anywhere”- Ali

Alright, so now it's my time to either put up or shut up. This is the round I really need to make this move in order to put myself in a much better spot moving forward. Either Ali or Autumn need to go this round, and I need to figure out how in the hell I can make this work. I know me, Devon, and the three Beauties are in for this plan, but I'm really concerned about Jakey this round. For some reason he's not being fully forthcoming about his thoughts about this vote, and with someone telling me that him and Ali might be close, I'm really concerned that he may go and ruin this plan. I don't want to think he'd do that - he should know I have had his back since Day 1 and I still think he has mine - but like... this ain't a fun spot to be in. Part of me wants to stack on Autumn and pretend like it's supposed to be a split vote to get Ali to use his idol if Jakey does tell him, but it would be worthless, but I don't even know if that would work. So I think I really need to figure out what Jakey is ok with here and then figure out how I can guarantee the heat doesn't come on me if this plan is found out.

I- just... you think you know people. Me and Adam rn https://media.tenor.com/images/ad6bd858d5371eb4ad2755d4a11bc748/tenor.gif but also me and Adam rn https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b8/d0/26/b8d026447effad19676de7e8ccc05c6f.gif Not Adam calling me at midnight to tell me that the whole ass tribe is planning to blindside Ali. I can't even get into the tea fully cause I'm in my bag now that I know 6 people think so little of me and will to lie to my face all day tomorrow but like it's fine. They will be dealt with, Adam is a king, we will get our Emmy's tomorrow for bamboozling everyone back, and I will 100% get Ali to play the idol he (probably?) has when I lay all the cards at 7 pm EST tomorrow lmao. And I'm really gonna get Jakey and Deovn's double agent asses- THAT I do know! Just you wait cause like I said before: name an ally I won't kill

to THINK, to literally THINK i wanted adam out at a point in this game. adam is literally the only person i trust in this game, i will be the kingmaker for him to get the win he deserves. what a genuinely lovely man, im so glad we are both still here. it sounds like there is a blindside being cooked up for little old me this round and for what...i'm borderline inactive, i cant connect with anyone in this game like... voting me for what... for literally what. also if jake is voting for me i will literally scream into the void this is so stupid for him. i am literally so far up his ass in this game all season and yet he wants to send me packing and for what. adam literally is my god send, as is devon's inability to keep literally anything a secret? like i trusted devon... so much?! and yet he literally threw me so far under the bus my squished up corpse is a 2D shape. i'm so... shook?! and also i still cant decide if i think jake is in on this, but if he is... im screaming? what a clown decision. but literally i cant believe this. im so excited to idol out one of the generic men in this game out tomorrow, they can all literally suck it up i cant wait. i want to be the kingslayer, i want to be the person who votes out amir for the first time in tumblr survivor. screw keeping big threats around, fuck that noise. i'm going to literally go through metamorphosis and become alyssa this season. i will be the mother hen who takes the bullet for my allies moving forwards, adam/autumn will make it further and further (plus jake if he is proven innocent and not a snake) anyway cast assessment: augusto - he can have such empty conversations for hours?! like this tribe confuses talking lots with social game. but like with him its a real i don't love your excess energy, go girl give us too much... would love to see him do literal anything beyond just having nothingy conversations... that does not a winner make amir - WOW his galaxy brain is so big. honestly i have to be impressed with amir, the fact he has this tribe misted that he is not the mastermind he is... a testament to his skill. i want to idol him out tomorrow adam - literally my jesus. i owe him my life in this game and i will stay true to that. i cant believe i didnt trust him at first wow... i hope adam gets the win this season autumn - my other goddess.. the literal love of my life, i want her and adam in the f3 this season if i cant make it. i want an autumn hill two time winner yes please and thank you devon - okay devon remains SUCH a sweet guy but oh my god does he play like a snake HELLO. he literally pumped me full of hot air for literally nothing wow woww wowww. he has lied to me for rounds and rounds for literally nothing... am ready to get that snake caught in a trap jake - i think the man who i was willing to give up my entire game for has been lying to me, i feel the exact same way i felt when my boyfriend cheated on me like this feels so personal... and i dont even see the endgame for jake with this hello!? my heart is broken, i literally watched sharifa play in sequester for HOURS with that man and for what?! for WHAT kendall - a literal sweetheart, never dissed. hope she goes far the only non-fraudulent one of the bunch tj -askjdlfsa he is so... stale jKLJKASDFAS like as a player go girl give us nothing. i wish he was being deadass when he said we were gonna squash our beef but i guess not huh? clownery from me i see anyway its almost 8am i need bed. im fueled by rage and im ending the generic men. adam and autumn are the loves of my life, brain, brawn and beauty are linking UP.

GORL yall better hold onto your britches this is gonna be a LONG one, so immunity happens, a music challenge, which i knew was right up my alley, i was confident going into it and tbh i had no idea what was gonna happen this round, so i decided to take a risk and use my challenge advantage, WHICH PAID OFF BECAUSE BITCH I AM T H E SONGSTRESS, DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DA UP OUT MY FACE BECAUSE YALL CANT GET ME THIS ROUND. who would've thought little old me would end up winning not one, but TWO individual immunities in a single season! im always dragging myself but for once im so PROUD of myself because with my last one there really wasnt anything to brag about, it was handed to me, which kinda did feel nice in a sense considering i know no one trusts me yet they wanted to still keep me around, but like this one was M Y own WIN like on my own merit. I'm an aries, dont ever count me out because i will deliver all the gags and all the goops so after my win, i know im 100% safe, so i start to think... hmm well idk who i want to go so i guess ill see and wait if anyone says anything to me, and then DEVON calls me and we're having a convo when all the sudden he gets real coy.... and starts going "OMG ADAM UGHHH I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS OR IF I CAN OR CANT" meanwhile, obviously i wanna know the tea so im like well bitch! spill! and he tells ME that apparently, him, jakey, tj, amir, and augusto have all allegedly been in talks and want to BLINDSIDE ALI THIS ROUND because they think he has the idol...and purposely leave me and autumn out? ill get to the THOUGHTS i have on that soon, because oh, i have SEVERAL thoughts, but as he tells me this he's basically just saying OMG PLEASE IM TAKING A HUGE RISK TELLING YOU THIS DONT TELL ANYONE ELSE, which, i DO trust devon slightly, but here's where the problems began and im gonna break it down for yall, 1) ONCE AGAIN, THE BIGGEST PHONYS IN THE GAME FAKE 1 AND FAKE 2 AMIR AND AUGUSTO LMAO LIKE .... DID WE NOT JUST END THE BEEF WE HAD WITH EACH OTHER BECAUSE YALL WANTED TO GO BEHIND MY BACK AND NOT INCLUDE ME IN THE PLANS, ONLY FOR YOU TO DO THE SAME THING YET AGAIN??????? 2) Devon also TOLD me straight up and he was kinda laughing when he said it "im gonna be straight up no one trusts you in this game but i do and thats why im telling you", because AMIR/AUGUSTO ARE TELLING EVERYONE I HAVE THE IDOL FROM BEAUTY. WHY WILL NO ONE BELIEVE ME AND WHY ARE THEY BELIEVING THEM I DONT HAVE IT. LIKE I CAN OWN MY GAME AND MY MISTAKES AND THE ONLY THING IVE DONE TO DESERVE DOUBT WAS MY STUPID LIE ABOUT THE AUCTION BUT E V E R Y O N E LIED LIKE WHY AM I ALWAYS THE BAD GUY? YALL WANT ME TO BE THE BAD GUY, CHUN LI? BECAUSE GUESS WHAT, I CAN BE. ive been playing this game with ONE mindset only. I'll be semi honest with everyone, but lie to me and then you can no longer believe a word i say.... and 3) devon also told me, while he trusts me and wants to go far with me, everyone else doesnt want to take me out this round, next round, or even 7, theyre planning to go for me around like final 6......ok so what im hearing is people are ALREADY trying to plan when to take me out and while he may trust me, i basically would have no way to play the game other than with him??? which why would i just sit there and accept that fate...OH AND ALSO 4) him and everyone else really just expects me to sit back and knowingly vote against kendall, who WOULDNT be going home so they can blindside ali...... so id literally lose a friend in this and gain an enemy? do i have idiot plastered on my forehead??? well, i guess they were right not to tell me about the plan because BITCH I RAN RIGHT TO ALI. Like honestly, screw all those people, i feel like ive done NOTHING so horrible to make people dislike or distrust me so severely so i feel like i dont owe anyone a damn thing. why would i just sit complacently waiting to get picked off at 5/6 and put all my eggs in one basket when i single handedly can change the whole game right now, and thats exactly what i plan on doing. At this point im TIRED of people overlooking me and thinking they can play this game around me and get away with it, but whatever, YALL WANTED GOOD TV, YALL WANTED A SHOW WELL BUCKLE UP BECAUSE YALL MAY BE GOOD AT THIS GAME AND GOOD AT BEING FAKE, BUT YALL DONT KNOW WHAT YOU GOT YOURSELVES INTO WITH ME, IN THE WISE WORDS OF TAMMIE BROWN, YOU WANTED CRAZY, WELL YOU GOT IT NOW ali was SHOOK when i spilled the beans to him, and i told him like look this is me giving you my trust because he's the only person who's shown me respect besides autumn and even if he wasnt being genuine, at least he's being SMART AND GUESS WHAT IT'S GONNA SAVE HIS GAME BECAUSE BITCH HE TOLD ME HOW HE HAS THE IDOL- NOT JUST ONE, BUTTWO OF THEM FJADHSKJFH GORL FIRST OF ALL im so happy i can STOP PLAYING 2048 THAT DAMN GAME WAS GOING TO BE MY UNDOING, SECOND OF ALL I LITERALLY CACKLED ON CALL WHEN HE TOLD ME, I KNEW I COULD TRUST MY GUT ABOUT HIM, OH AND IT GETS EVEN BETTER HE ALSO HAS THE IDOL NULLIFIER EFSDKAJH WHICH MEANS....if we play our cards right......we can take out whoever we want, maybe everyone was right to be scared of us. I'd be scared, i think they should all be scared, yall wanted to say fuck my drag time and time again, well watch me bring it to the runway now. we also agreed we need to let autumn in on this, which could be either the BEST or WORST move....i really THINK i can trust autumn, her and ali are hands down my #1/2 in the game, and devon right behind, although if we pull this off, i told them both i dont want to get devon since he let me know this, i think even if i blindside him and dont let him know, i can at least justify myself enough to him and let him know him going home was still never an option, but i called autumn right after ali and told her all the same tea and at first she was kinda hesitant about it all, but i knew her and jakey had a good relationship so the hardest part for me i think was making her really believe he's against her which i think i did a good job of making her believe because she SPILLED the tea to me about how her/ali/jakey had an alliance, and i absolutely did just kick him out and take his place oop, which i dont trust jake at all because something about him/amir/augusto is so shady, you mean to tell me they voted you out and he hasnt tried to go for them or vice versa this whole time.... my gut is telling me they're in kahoots, and would 100% be a solid 3 against me down the line... my whole game rn hinges on autumn believing me because its the TRUTH i just told her what i was told but clearly i painted it a little more my way oops, so as of now the plan is autumn and me will both keep playing dumb tomorrow, then around 7 pm we're gonna "tell ali" the plan (which i already told him) but autumn doesnt know he has the idol yet, so ali will confirm it to her, and we'll make our move. I'm going to push for it to be amir, i want him OUT OF THIS GAME. im SICK of him and augusto prancing around like the wicked step sisters and treating me like cinderella. but who knows, maybe devon telling me was strategy on his part so i tell ali and we flush the idol and they vote autumn, but i have to hope that all those people are good enough with autumn that they dont want to do that just yet... but i mean, ali does have 2 so we already said if we feel like we need to use both, one for him and one for autumn, it's an option. Also if any of them have the idol ... this could become a mess if someone plays one right after ali, this could also just fall apart if they split the votes 3/3 sedkfha the odds of me actually getting my way....are feeling slim, but im gonna be hopeful because it's all i got, if this works, it could be my winning move, but if it fails, and there's a high chance it fails.... im gone next round... but with ali staying i dont think thatll happen, he's a shield for me and someone i can trust, im taking a page from the michele winners at war book, and he's my jeremy. I trust him, and i need him in this game for at least a few more rounds or im just gonna be dragged along and disposed of at some point. And if i leave then whatever at least i can say i caused chaos, which im always down for.

So I think Ali is getting sketched out by this vote, so now I am working with Jakey and Devon to figure out a plan to make Ali feel safe and not play an idol. But I'm like... oh dear... this could really blow up in our faces if this doesn't work. And I'm over here trying to communicate now to everyone what is going on so that they don't panic and I'm like... wasn't I just on the bottom? Now I feel like I have some kind of power again? I like this feeling, but also, it be scary as fuck.

If last round was the calm before the storm, this round is a full on hurricane of a vote. I have spent the past round or so trying to rally the troops against Ali and I think it can finally happen? He has two idols, a vote reveal, a idol blocker, and a killer social game so these people need to smell the roses and get him out. I really hope I don’t leave but if this is my undoing, at least I tried to make a move! 

tribal is in a few hours and i have a WHOLE ass headache because i dont know what's gonna happen....so last night devon LITERALLY told me everyone but me/autumn were gonna be in the vote against ali... but then today he's telling me jake doesnt know he thinks......am i crazy? did i mishear?? or is he trying to gaslight me.....because i KNOW what i heard and i literally led this whole jake slander campaign to autumn and ali, autumn doesnt think we can trust jakey because i can see devon feeling nervous after telling me that and then they try to tell jake to get in good with us so he knows our plan, but it also doesnt really make sense if jakey works with them unless my conspiracy about him/amir being in kahoots makes sense....so i dont fucking know what's happening, if it were up to me this would stay between me/autumn/ali and we'll ask for forgiveness rather than permission on the next day... autumn/ali are on call rn and theyre supposed to let me know after because autumn is supposed to "spill" the tea to ali (which i already spilled last night) and then we'll go from there because since he does have the idol we just need to place our votes very carefully in conclusion; there's gonna be some angry gays one way or another after tribal (and a few confused heteros)

I don’t think anyone respects me... which is annoying because I am currently playing a social game. But even more annoying because nobody listens to me!!!!!! Like literally all we have to do is switch to Autumn!!!! Switch to Autumn and everything will be fine and no one is willing to do that. Ugghhhhhhh god damnit I’m going to lose my mind.

I WILL CONFESS LATER BUT WE ARE SENDING DEVON OUT 4-3 AND IM GONNA IDOL MYSELF BECAUSE IM SCARED... IM READY TO BE IN FINAL EIGHT AND IM READY TO FIGHT.

Fucking THIS AND ALL THESE FKING PEOPLE IM SO DONE, I literally have no course of action, I’ve went through every single plan in my mind and every single one reaches a dead end, I don’t know the details of how the idol block and vote reveal work I can’t switch the vote to jakey, because Ali will vote reveal and then idol jakey and then I’m left with 4 people who want me dead and jakey blowing up my game I can’t split on autumn and Ali because we don’t have the votes without jakey I can’t fucking do anything at all I have to be passive, but I have to be alert Ali isn’t gonna go, jakey isn’t gonna go, autumn won’t, and adam wont It’s going to be me or my allies So I just have to try and make it not me at this point 

I think devon is about to leave and like, that is okay, just be who you are 

[familyvisionis2020]

Day 1 - Asheville (2 of 2)

We got to The Mothlight around 6 and loaded in our gear. The sound guy is kind, learns or names, gives more bass mix in the monitor when the singer asks for it. I see our band name on the big movie broadsheet sized monthlong show poster and feel excited. In Asheville we take a walk and make fun of the murals, I tell the band about the Asheville 11 riots and the vegan restaurant that used to hook us up and memories of the anarchist scene that fees antique on my tongue. Kabir passes the rose water spray and so I take off my glasses and spray my face.

There’s a green room beneath the stage floor with a ping pong table and two dozen Battle Star Galactica VHS tapes and two water bottles with pee and an abandoned rocks glass. I beat Kabir in ping pong, Jeremy beats me, I think about the basketball game I quit last month because I habitually got too competitive and hurt or upset someone every week for weeks. I’m still on the group text for that game but I have it muted but I still read the texts.

We go upstairs and I read the first chapter of The Left Hand of Darkness over the course of an hour on a dusty velveteen mustard colored couch. Labor and Jeremy and John socialize and I’m happy to be left with my book, the sunset comes, the bartender arrives with a fuzzy jacket on, turns down the lights, puts on a playlist, takes plastic wrap off of limes. I’m able to get my friend from Carrboro who’s visiting in on the guest list which is nice. I get to share the kit of the headliner which means nicer than usual gear and mic’ed drums too which sounds so solid and big when I kick. I bring my own breakables though: snare, cymbals, sticks.

I find out there’s a few arcade cabinets in the back, make a b-line to the 1989 Atari Tetris cab. It’s not my favorite Tetris iteration but it’s a good one, joystick and two rotate buttons, kind of a soft high score situation because you can feed the machine quarters and prolong a game indefinitely. The longer the game goes the harder it gets though, and I’m rusty so it’s still a challenge. It’s a joy to play. The ecstasy of order, the familiar grid and cascade; the solid thunk of the joy stick isn’t unlike the satisfying fullness of a mic’ed kick drum. With a dollar I put up a casual second place high score and stop short because the opening band, Yeller, is playing. The lead singer is a femme with a merit colored crushed velvet cape, exaggerated mascara that I would call ‘corpse paint lite,’ dainty lace socks, torn fishnets, middle length brown hair that’s pretty but that has split ends. They remind me of how I looked when I dressed femme in Philly in 2015. I miss the way my girlfriend used to treat me when I dressed like that; I don’t miss the way most other people treated me. I miss feeling superior to boys who dress the way I dress now. I think about whether or not I’m much of a feminist as I was since I have conceded the battleground of the aesthetic, since I won’t show up for that fight anymore. I feel a wisp if fear and I am very comfortable. Earlier Jeremy Sharéd his kimchi with me; he said sometimes he just eats a whole jr in a sitting. Their band is hard to describe, it is rock, there is some bass solos. It does not sound like black metal or power pop or glam rock which are the genres my mind assumed the singer’s outfit signaled. The vocals remind me of folk punk, which in my narrow experience tracks with Asheville. Here are people in the front of the crowd bouncing around to the music and they look like they’re having so much fun and I try to let myself dance how they are, I find myself stiff but not too stiff to bounce a little. My body hasn’t done this movement pattern in a long time. In 2010 I would’ve called these people ‘muppets,’ a derisive epithet used primarily to excoriate such people for their putative positivity, lack of dourness, loud outfits and their bubbly interpersonal comportment, something like crunchy twee. Or is it deportment? I’m unbound by rigor typing with my thumbs in the van on the way to Knoxville. It’s nice to write slower and imperfectly.

The opener mentions us before finishing up which fees nice. We set up, slapdash soundchceck, I set up the breakables, change into shorts, fill up a water bottle, settle in to the cage of hardware, make it to the throne only after nearly falling over the cables slopped over the stage like black spaghetti. Big black electric udon, and is it the amps or the guitars who eat the noodles?

Before I know it Kabir has done his intro banter and my body knows it’s time to start the set, and it’s my responsibility as drummer to count off the first song and luckily we practice plenty and so my body knows just what to do and we’re playing and it’s smooth and tight and I let myself loosen up and I head bang and make faces and bounce all around. I know I don’t need to but I think the crowd likes it and I know the band likes it and as long as I don’t get too carried away and forget where we are in the song then it’s a great way to drum as so fun and exhilarating for me. I’m not so nervous like I was last tour. The set is smooth, over before I know it. I pack up quick and try to be courteous by coming back on the stage to ask Kabir if I can help him break down and I carry his combo off stage and get some water. The set was 20 minutes and my shirt is soaked with sweat, it’s a little gross but I feel proud like I have proof I worked hard for my band and the crowd.

I go back to check out the headliner, Yawpers, mostly to be polite and not at all because I am interested in hearing them play. I catch up with my friend from Carrboro before it gets too loud to talk, he tells me about when he was in his early 20s trying to teach his daughter to potty train and not doing a good job because he didn’t understand, anatomically and ergonomically, how exactly girls peeing worked. I like hearing about the story and when the band cuts the conversation short it feels like a mercy because I don’t have to respond or find a way out of the conversation. I wish that I didn’t treat conversations like a trap. I want to not be scheming for a way out of connecting with people. It’s something I can work on improving. I bounce around to the headliner, they sound like Led Zeppelin I guess, no bass at all, cool effects on the vocals modulated by a hdand-operates effectsbpedal mounted on the mic stand. After ~2.5 songs I slip into the back room where he Tetris cab is, pull up a stool, feed the machine 3 quarters and settle in. I push earplugs in and wipe sweat from my palms onto my jeans. I feel really really happy. I love playing Tetris so much. I forbade it for the most part in the last two years, one of dozens of activities I associate with a less stable past, a throwaway activity in a life where nowadays I believe my time is valuable, where I avoid ‘wasting’ time, which is the only way I used to spend my time. It is silly and pointless to play Tetris and I am the best at, here and now. I’m in the zone, my mind feels sharp, the joystick is responsive, I shake off the rust and I am knocking pieces around and finessing rotations in a groove, in the pocket, rhythmic and precise ad drumming, plus with visual proof. I lose track of time! That never happens lately anymore it seems like. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jeremy has trickled in and is spectating from a respectful distance. I love this, I love showing a small audience my curious pointless skill, I play harder and focus and do well. I get out of tight jams with ease. My play is a silk tightrope, or like watching a diligent curling pushbroom operator and the stone slides just exactly right into place. And I do that over and over and when I see my score surpass the high score I point to the score on the screen and later I find out Jeremy captured this on his phone and that makes me feel special and talented and seen.

I finally die but only after I’ve beaten the old high score by 100,000 points, a solid and respectable showing of ~488,000 over 3 credits and about an hour of play. I’ve gotten more than a million points on this same cabinet at the Quarter Horse in Durham but it took more than Han two hours and closer to $5 in quarters if I remember right. I get off the stool and Kabir is losing his mind in that warm exited way he does over my play, tells me I’m incredible, he kept thinking I would die and I kept not dying. This reminds me of how I felt about myself almost exactly two years ago. I feel happy and healthy and hale and held and whole, Kabir gives me dap and somehow Yawpers has not finished yet. There’s a weirdly long spoken word soliloquy from the frontman about his cocaine habit, ex wife, their divorce, some other stuff. Evidently this band had a write up in Pitchfork describing their sound as ‘an expansive vision of Rock.’ Expansive is the watchword as their set tips the scales at about 75 minutes and mercifully ends. I get to introduce my friend from Carrboro to Kabir and watch them connect which is lovely.

We get our cut of door plus extra plus we sold merch so we leave in the black which to me is a shock bc im used to playing show costing money. Our band is good and people really liked it and danced and came up to us after and gave what get to me like sincere earnest praise.

[yellow-flicker]

Stung by a Scorpio

A/N: This is an actual rant. This might be a long post so bear with me. Ask me or whatever but this is just based on my experience. Need ko lang ivent out tong kashitan na to. Hahahahaha.

Okay so ganito kasi yun. Di talaga ako fully naniniwala sa zodiac signs na yan dati pero ngayon, medyo convinced na ako based sa generalization ng mga tao about a certain sign. And what really strikes me & caught my attention was Scorpio people.

In all honesty, mabibilang lang sa daliri ko ung mga kaibigan kong Scorpio (I am a Sagittarius btw). Yung mga kaibigan kong Scorpio na yun ay yung hindi “superficial” or “seasonal” friends ko lang. Sobrang konti lang nila grabe or let’s say sobrang konti lang nila na nag-stay. 😂😂 Pero lagi kong ipinagtataka talaga ay marami naman akong nakikilala at nagiging kaibigan na Scorpio pero sobrang konti lang ng mga natitira or nagsstay. LAGI NA LANG. My former bestfriends all throughout my growing years (yes naman naggrow ba talaga?), majority sa kanila ay Scorpio or kung hindi naman, either moon sign nila or sun sign. But then again sabi ko nga FORMER ibig sabihin DATI, idk… Lagi na lang nagkakataon na sa kanila ako napapalapit, sa kanila ko naibibigay yung full trust ko, sa kanila ko talaga nafefeel what it’s like to have a TRUSTWORTHY person in your life. They are really good people. They are very loyal, deep and honest. I really appreciate people like that because I value honesty & truthfulness. But then bakit ganun no? Laging saglit ko lang sila nagiging kaibigan slash lover slash bestfriend slash close friend. Ako yata ang may problema. Yan yung lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko. Bakit ganun? Laging nagkakataon na when I feel that kind of belongingness to someone/somebody, laging Scorpio? I DON’T KNOW EITHER.

(You can skip this paragraph if you want kasi pahapyaw na kwento lang to ng 1st bestfriend ko at ako. Hahaha.)

I remember my first bestfriend ever is a Scorpio. Her name’s JM. We’ve known each other since 2005. Elementary best friend ko siya. Nakakatawa kasi bigla ko na lang siya naging bestfriend nun. She is a smart geek and extremely talented! She always rank first sa buong batch namin, she sings & dances, she’s also a part of student organization way back then at ang dami niyang quiz bees na kinocompete-an! Nakakaloka sinalo na niya lahat. I don’t know why we became bestfriends cause we are somehow opposites of each other! By that time, I am just an awkward gradeschooler who is a taekwondo player, a writer in the school’s journal, a member of Science club and a partially geek student who is not consistent sa overall top 10 sa buong batch. But medyo proud na ako sa sarili ko nun kasi nasa top 10 naman ako sa room kahit paano. Ang mahalaga lang sakin kahit wala ako sa overall batch top 10 kada quarter, dapat meron pa rin akong white merit card. HINDI PWEDE NA WALANG GANUN, LAGOT AKO KAY MAMA. HAHAHAHAHA. A/N: Merit card serves as a certificate or an emblem wherein it signifies validation para mapasama ka sa recognition day. It is divided into three cards/certificate. A. GOLD Merit Card - the highest merit card you could ever receive. Most of the time, bihira lang nakakakuha ng ganito o kaya naman overall top 1 lang nakakakuha nito. Yung grade mo dapat PER SUBJECT (take note per subject dahil cumulative ang grading system namin at hindi averaging) ranging from 94-99. 😂😂 A/N again :: Cumulative means cut off grade mo dapat ay 88. Bale hanggang ganung grade lang ung lowest mo. Pag may isa kang grade kahit minor subject pa yan na below 88, ligwak ganern ka na. Goodbye recognition day. Regular student kana lang. Kahit makabawi ka man sa next grading, di ka pa rin kasali sa recognition day dahil kulang ka na sa merit card. Dapat from 1st to 4th quarter, consistent merit card holder ka. So ayan si JM, siya lang madalas nakakakuha ng Gold Merit Card. Wala e, ang talino eh. Hahahahaha.

B. BLUE Merit Card. Eto hanggang dito lang naabot ko sa tanang pag-aaral ko sa school namin eh. Yan na pinakasagad ko. Hehehe. Grades mo ay ranging from 91-93 per subject. Medyo mahirap din makaconsistent blue merit card pero siguro nakakakuha ako/kami ng ganito mga once or twice a year lang. Hahaha. Ako nga yata 3 lang ganito ko the whole grade school days ko eh. Hahahah. Yun.

C. WHITE merit card. Ranging from 88-90 dapat grade mo per subject. Eto ung marami sakin talaga. Thankful na ko dito kasi at least sumabit sa top! Hahah. Dahil etong white merit card ang susi para mapasama sa recognition day at di ako mapagalitan ng parents ko. Hahaha. So yun nga. Buti na lang po bestfriend ko nun si JM kaya nahahatak niya ko mag-aral. Kaso sa pagkakatanda ko grade 6 yata kami nun nung napagkasunduan namin na wag na kami maging mgbestfriends. Nakakatawa and at the same time nakakaurat din. May pagkakasundo pang naganap eh. May letter ako na ibinigay sa kanya or nag exchange letter yata kami? Di ko na rin matandaan masyado pero kasi di na kami classmates that time at madalas na rin kami mag-away kasi ang dami kong ibang friends tapos di na kami sabay maglunch or recess (sobrang babaw nito putek) tapos ang busy ko na rin talaga. Nagpakaactive si ate mong girl, dami kong ganap sa school life tapos lumalablayp na rin ako (landi landi din pag may time) kaya no time na sa chika with the best friend. Eh siya kasi since bff kami parang gusto niya i-share ko sakanya lahat (which is dapat nga naman ewan ko ba insensitive ko nun). Parang I took her for granted ba. Eh siya kahit maraming friends, she makes sure na di ko mafefeel na limot niya na ko. She’s so loyal to me lol jk. Akala ko okay lang naman yun sknya kasi we have our own lives naman, nakikipagfling ako kay crush (he’s not my classmate but same batch kami ni crush) habang si JM rin naman, may own lovelife din. So akala ko okay lang all along. But then yeah, we decided to cut things off or lowkey friends na lang. Ayun, di naman ako nahurt masyado that time kasi nagkaroon naman din ako ng bagong bff tapos may kafling pa ako (he’s freaking cute btw), im too busy to think about our friendship breakup and reasons are so shallow for me to deeply think abt it myghaad hahaha. Kaso yun nga, things aren’t the same anymore. Years passed and parang di kami naging magbff ever. Lol. Di na kami close as we were before but yeah, she’s my first bff and I think our friendship has taught us something to treasure with.

(If nagskip ka sa pagbabasa, eto ung kadugtong)

Then my next bff’s are somehow same as my friendship with Jean. They are so loyal and loving and very much attached to the point na parang nacocontrol ka na nila. As a Sag, I value freedom. I don’t like people who’ll try to control me or manipulate me. Kahit naman sino ayaw ng ganyan diba? Scorpios sila that’s why if they want something, they’ll do their best to have it or get it.

Scorpios don’t like to play mind games with people but then what the actual fuck are they doing to us? They are the masters of mind games. Yung kanta ni JB na “What do you mean?” na may line na “When you nod your head yes but you wanna say no, what do you mean?” GANYAN SILA. Mga pa-click bait. They can deceive people without them actually knowing na nagagawa nila yun sa tao. Especially to people who are dear to them. That sucks you know? Hahaha.

When it comes to love naman, they will pull you in but when you’re halfway into it, they will push you away naman. PUSH and PULL. Ewan ko ba! Anong kashitan naman yung ganun. 🙄 Hahahahahaha. They want people to be honest with them pero sila naman, they always hold things back to themselves. They are truthful, yes. But when they wanna say something, they will tell you the truth but not the TRUEST of truth. Parang filtered pa rin. Like ano ba? Akala ko ba trusted mo ako or whatsoever pero you still keep things to yourself. Paano maaayos yun dba kapag may problema? MIND GAMES AT ITS FINEST. Tsk, it sucks!!! Hahahah. Yang mga yan grabe, sobrang masikreto! Pero ayaw naman nila na may tinatago kang secret sa kanila. If meron man, grabe daig pa FBI or detective eh. Ay naku ha. Nakakaloka kayo hahahaha. Eh kaso langya, yung tao na minahal ko nito lang ay Scorpio. WALANJO TALAGA. Ayun ngayon, no communication kami at all. Nakalimutan niya na ako or piniling kalimutan. Saket bes. 💔 Araw-araw ako umiiyak, nagrereminisce, hirap magmove on! Nagpagupit na nga ko, humaba na siya ulit tapos nagpagupit na ako ulit, di pa rin ako nakakaget over sakanya. Di ko alam kung anong ipinakain nya sakin eh. Sobrang intense nung love na nafeel ko sakanya. I couldn’t compare it to anyone even yung love ko for my ex. Umiyak din ako nun sa ex ko, mga 3 months ako nagrereminisce pero pag busy ako di ko naiisip ex (Gemini) ko. Pero nung sakanya (Scorpio) na as in, parang ung whole being ko broken into pieces eh. Kahit busy ako, naiisip ko pa rin siya. Napapanaginipan. Umiiyak ako araw-araw. Binabalikan ko ung mga memories namin together. Ang dami namin memories kasi together eh. Kahit saan ako lumingon, mapapagkain man yan, ang daming mga bagay na nagreremind sakin about sakanya. ANG SAKET ACTUALLY. Up to this day, I can’t actually say na nakamove on na ko cause hindi pa talaga. I still have feelings para sakanya. Though di ko na siya nakakausap, nakikita, nakakatext, tawag as in totally cut off na ko sa life niya, ung feelings ko para sakanya andito pa rin. I KENNAT. I am a Sagittarius. I don’t like commitments if unsure kasi gusto ko fun, exciting and with freedom ang lovelife ko but as a Sag, I love the idea of being in love. But when we fall in love with someone, we’re the most loyal ever. Nafeel ko yun sakanya. Na kahit siya lang kasama ko maghapon magdamag, okay lang sakin. Kahit di kami lumabas, okay lang masaya pa rin ako. I enjoy it kahit lowkey lang, basta parang “home” ung feeling pag kasama siya. I fell in love DEEPLY. How I wish nafeel din niya yun dati sakin. 😭 But some things happened, I am confused. I was perplexed. Di na namin maibalik sa dati. Ayun, dami ko man tanong sa isip na up to now di pa nasasagot talaga, I chose to move on nalang not because I want to but because I HAVE to.

Yun lang. Dito na lang muna. My next blog bale continuation siguro. I’ll elaborate more about my Scorpio love. Hahahahahaha! Ask me anything. Message nyo lang ako if ever man may makabasa nito. Hahahahahaha.