#but they always have private convos in the living room so I always feel like a third wheel in my own apartment

[llycaons]

apartment hunting is making me sick to my stomach with dread and anxiety. not that there's nothing out there, but for the first time since moving to a new state I'll truly be alone. where to live, what to focus on when picking a ppace, time management, what listing to trust, how to handle this all alone while working nearly fulltime - it's a lot, but most worrying of all is how it'll really just be me. and that's great, that's exciting, I've wanted that - but it's also so lonely and frightening. especially since im used to living right in the middle of the city. houses on the outskirts may be cheaper and bigger, but not having a car in a neighborhood with no subway and barely any bus stops really freaks me out. for all I said I wanted greenery, it sounds like I'll need a car to even come close....the isolation and silence is a lot more intimidating than the busyness of the city I've come to expect and even find comfort it. it's great when there's people around!

[mykoreanlove]

Livin‘ together

„Whoa, this place is the definition of extravagance“, you muttered under your breath as you entered the apartment. Felix giggled and placed a sweet kiss on top of your head. „Bin and Jinnie definitely like the lavish life, princess.“

It was the first time that Changbin and Hyunjin invited you over to check out their new place. After moving in together they took their sweet time to make sure that every corner represents them both equally. This apartment felt like a copious mansion, not like a semi-spaced convo in the midst of Seoul.

„So? You like it??“, Hyunjin beamed at you expectantly. „Jinnie, I have no words“, you shook your head laughing. „Oh just wait, you haven’t even seen half of it!“ Hyunjin grabbed your hand and ushered you out of the room, eager to show you the rest of his carefully curated private universe.

„Ah, there goes my love“, Felix joked playfully as his hand grabbed his heart. Changbin handed him a cold beer before sitting down next to him. „Speaking of, how’s it going?“

Felix and you had moved in weeks ago. After dating for a couple of months you took a leap of faith and packed your bags, moving into his comfortable place. Even though things were still fresh, they were also chaotic and challenging at times.

„It’s going good“, Felix replied, trying his best to convince his older friend. „Lix, please. I practically raised you, there’s no fooling me. What’s wrong?“

Felix sighed and took a big sip of his beer. „It’s just… most of the times we’re good. Great, actually. I love y/n and being with her makes me so, so happy. But living together brought new problems, as well as highlighting existing ones.

„What do you mean?“, Changbin tried to follow. Felix was strongly focused on finding the right words to describe the dilemma you were in, he didn’t even notice you and Hyunjin coming back.

„Hanging up portraits of yourself is totally relatable, y/nnie. That doesn’t make me narcissistic at all. If any, it makes me royal!“ You bursted out laughing at his silly remarks but quickly lost your upbeat endeavour as you noticed the stern expression on your boyfriend‘s face. Quickly, you grabbed Hyunjin and hid behind the door, signalling for him to wait.

„Why are we eavesdropping on them?“, he asked bewildered. „Pssshht“, you asked him to be quiet which made him wince in annoyance.

You nodded your head in Felix‘ direction and asked him to listen. „I’ve lived in dorms with you guys for ages, right? I’m used to sharing a place but y/n, she’s new to this. She always used to live on her own, so we’re having trouble…adjusting to one another.“

„Oooooh, I get it. She’s messy!“ Changbin laughed giddily. Felix rolled his eyes, knowing damn well what his friend was referring to. Felix was the epitome of his star sign: known for being borderline neat and tidy.

„Hyung, it’s not that bad but sometimes she drives me crazy. Like when I’m coming back from work and our apartment looks like shit? Yeah, that gets me“, he admitted. „Lix, come on. She’s a girl. How bad can it be?“

Changbin opened another beer and handed it to Felix.

„Imagine coming home and finding worn clothes all over the place. All lights are on but there’s no one home. Imagine not being able to find a single cup because they’re all broken or dirty. Try brushing your teeth with an empty toothpaste because the last one had been emptied but never replaced. And then, once you make it to the bedroom you’re greeted with tousled sheets because nobody bothered to make the bed. Who lives like that?“

Hyunjin glanced your way and mouthed his visible disgust. „Ewwwwwww!“

„Oh, shut up“, you mouthed back and closed your eyes. Suddenly, you felt the room spinning. You’ve always been ashamed of your messiness but hearing the love of your life struggling because of it made you feel worse. You had had those conversations with him, he would explain his side of things and asked you to be more considerate and help out but those talks always ended the same way: you bawling your eyes out, fearing the worst.

„Damn, bro. Sounds tough“, Changbin remarked. „That’s not even the worst part“, Felix continued. „What is then?“ Felix took another sip before explaining further.

„Every time I try to talk to her about it, it ends up with her crying and questioning everything.“ Changbin had trouble keeping up. „Questioning?“ „Our relationship. Our love, even“, Felix explained, his voice tinted with sadness.

Hyunjin‘s eyes filled with tears which he quickly wiped away. He had no idea you were struggling like this. After all those years of being friends, why didn’t you talk to him?

Your head fell against the wall, defeated. It didn’t take you long to think back to the most recent argument.

„Lixie, how can you even love me??“, you shouted at him. This fight had been going on for hours but you weren’t thinking about stopping. „What?“, he asked in disbelief. „I mean it! I never put away my clothes, I always leave on all of the lights, break all our cups and never think of making the bed or buying toothpaste. Why would you want to be with someone like me? Clearly, I’m not good enough for you!“

There it was. The elephant in the room. Finally, you had articulated your deepest thoughts.

„Shit, really? I had no idea y/n felt that way about you“, Changbin replied shocked. „Yeah“, Felix sighed heavily. He had no problem arguing about chores, after all he was the most patient guy in the world. But arguing about you being worthy of his love truly gnarled at his soul. „So, did you talk it out?“

„I tried to. Tried to tell her multiple times that I love her for who she is, flaws and all included. Tried telling her that those things we argue about are minuscule and that we will find a way to make it work. Tried telling her how happy she makes me and she’s more than enough for me. I really tried…“

„But it didn’t get through to her?“, Changbin asked. „No, but I thought of another way.“

„Oh my god“, you muttered under your breath. Hyunjin looked at you expectantly. „What?“, he whispered. Panicked, you started rummaging through your bag, searching for the love notes Felix had left you the last couple days. „What are those?“, Hyunjin asked as he saw you pulling out blue post its. You handed them over without saying a word, too emotional because of your boyfriend‘s sweetness.

Honestly, if I had to pick up after anyone, I’m glad it’s you, y/n. Your clothes may be all over the place, but my heart is all over you.

„Lix wrote that for you?“, he asked impressed. You nodded silently. „That note was placed among my clothes. I found it when I wanted to do laundry“, you explained. Hyunjin nodded proudly, reading the next one.

You light up my life in more ways than one- though we might need to work on the electricity bill. But honestly, baby, I love that you leave a little brightness behind wherever you go.

Hyunjin gasped as he looked up at you. „Taped to the lightning switch“, you whispered. Eagerly, he read the next one.

With all the cups you’ve broken, I think it’s safe to say that our love is unbreakable. As for the remaining cups, you know I like it a bit dirty ;)

„Eeeeewwwww“, Hyunjin remarked as he kept on reading. „Always knew both of you were pervs“, he rolled his eyes judging. „Oh please, I caught you jerking off to your own pictures so spare me that talk“, you stuck out your tongue confidently. Hyunjin did his best to hide his smirk, but failed miserably.

„Anyways, let’s read the next one.“

You’re so good at getting every last drop of toothpaste, but I guess that just means I get the fun of picking out the next one <3

„Let me guess - taped to the toothpaste?“ You nodded eagerly. Hyunjin and you took another glance at Felix who was still deep in conversation. When you had found all those notes, you were thrilled, deeply touched by your boyfriend‘s love for you. But you would have never guessed that he did all of this to make a point. To finally make you realize how loved you were - even if you couldn’t love yourself.

„Okay, this is my favourite one“, Hyunjin smiled.

You might never make the bed but that’s just one more reason I love you - because you’re perfectly yourself, and that’s more than enough for me.

You shared a deep look of compassion with your best friend before entering the room your boyfriend was in, promising yourself to become the best version you could be. For him, for you and your blooming love.

[chaeinedup]

Facetiming Enhypen

Heeseung: 

Will literally run out of the living room and lock himself in the bathroom;

Takes absolute 0 risks of gettig caught by his members;

He knows its a given that he’s gonna be teased for life, since he’s always teasing the others there’s no way he’ll want a reverse uno card on this;

It’s not his fault he gets giddy talking to you, even tho he tries to mask it sometimes he just can’t;

You see that gif? yeah a lot of that happening, SPECIALLY if you’re teasing him (he’ll let you do that, a bit of bickering is always fun);

CALL HIM WHEN HE’S ABOUT TO SLEEP AND YOU’LL SEE THE SOFTEST VERSION YOU’LL EVER SEE OF HEESEUNG;

Soft spoken, blinking slowly, smiling with his eyes closed, messy hair... you have to contain your emotions at such surreal view.

Jay:

Immediate smile shows up on his face when your name pops up;

Another one that would lock himself somewhere;

And then have Niki almost breaking the damn door so he can interrupt the convo and see Jay all flustered and smiley;

We all know damn well Niki is gonna tease the shit out of him every single time your name comes up, but Niki being Niki we love to see it.

Most times you call him when you need help with cooking, studying, building something or even falling asleep;

And he likes to know you always come to him first, means you need him;

Will think about the god damn call until he falls asleep, it just such a serotonin boost for him he just can’t let it go.

Jake: 

Most of the times he’s the one calling you;

He has a very specific time to call you which is when you’re getting ready to go to sleep;

He’ll ask you all about your day and you’ll ask him the same, talking about how you both miss each other so bad and probably comment on something funny that happened during the day;

But the reason he loves calling you this late is because he loves to see you all cuddled up with your stuffed animals, the coziest you’ve ever been, it makes him feel warm and at peace;

Even though he’s not with you personally he knows you’re doing good, that puts him at ease;

BONUS POINTS if you fall asleep sometimes during the call, hitting him right in the heart since he thinks you’re an angel when sleep (he will literally be smiling at the screen and melt on the spot).

Sunghoon:

Not big on frequent calls;

Just because he likes his privacy, not that he has something to hide, but some things just make more sense to be enjoyed alone;

So you always text each other first to see if you can actually facetime or not;

I feel like if he’s doing something like cooking or chores he’ll definetly have you sitting on the counter and he’ll be talking to you while doing something else;

Because it’s very hard for him to actually have free time he still very much tries to include you in his routine every time he can;

He honestly couldn’t care less about being teased, it’s worth it since he gets to talk to you;

Very casual conversations but that’s enough for the both of you.

Sunoo:

Very much the opposite of locking himself somewhere;

He’s instead gonna run around while speaking to you, making the members say hi to you;

Calls with him are always very fun, a lot of clothing hauls, gossiping about how the day went, just overall very light and innocent:

Will not accept you falling asleep on him no no;

He definetly has the energy for both of you and that’s part of the reason why it’s always so refreshing to talk to him;

It could be 4am he’ll make you have a duet with him, he doesn’t care who he wakes up in the process;

Typical “noo you hang up”/ “it’s late we need to go” and then it’s just another hour of talking.

Jungwon:

You call him more than he calls you but just because he’s kinda like sunghoon;

Very private about it;

Has no problem responding to teasing coments from his friends, will most likely even leave them spechless with his responses;

He looooooves listening to you, so you’ll do most the talking he’ll just be adoring you the entire time;

Study sessions together would happen pretty often and it does help the both of you to stay focused and you can always ask each other things you don’t understand;

Very brief goodnight calls are a thing;

If he didn’t talk to you the entire day he’s gonna get home and call you right away to check on you and wish you a goodnight.

Niki:

Calls you, any time of the day, you could be sleeping and he’ll still call you;

Most of the times he’s bored and if his members are out or busy he wants you to keep him company;

You could just be staring at each other, that works for him;

But the usual is playing video games and screaming at each other through the phone;

The good in this is you can see each others reactions when one of you loses and the other is claiming victory while laughing;

It just gets both of you going;

Hangs up on you as fast as he calls you, if he cut you off he’ll feel bad and text you asking about what you were saying and keep the convo going though text.

masterlist

[jackieinthebox]

jealous | p. parker x gn stark! reader

summary: a very informal hc about jealous dad tony after reader spends more time with peter 

words: 1.1k (oops)

warnings: none :)

masterlist

despite tony’s playboy past he was a phenomenal dad, you were his whole world

you had a very tight knit relationship

protective, but not overbearing 

he most definitely homeschooled you 

you took after him, a total prodigy and skipped several grades a year

but he was always kind of concerned about your interaction with kids your age

you really didn’t mind, you were very close to your dad and all of the avengers and that was good enough for you 

until you met peter

tony had you show him around the tower 

you two hit it off so well, becoming close friends immediately

peter was a good kid and tony was ecstatic that you got along so well

maybe too well

your friendship evolved into mutual feelings 

after a while of dancing around your feelings and teetering on friends to lovers peter sucks it up and kisses you, thus your relationship prevails

you don’t tell anyone at first, proceeding as normal around everyone else but in private you’re so lovie it’s sickening 

you felt bad about not telling your dad, because you guys tell each other everything, but peter’s your first boyfriend and you don’t know how he’ll react so you wanted to have a well established relationship beforehand 

as your relationship progresses (say about 3-4 months in) you decide it’s time to tell your dad 

he took it surprisingly well 

he kind of already knew peter liked you because he would get super blushy whenever someone brought your name up or you popped into the lab to say hi or give a new perspective on what they were working on

he was super chill and cool about it at first, he likes and trusts peter and he could tell he made you happy, which is all he wanted for you

since he took it so well and liked peter so much you were under the impression that he didn’t mind you two spending so much time together

and he really didn’t at first, he thought it was just a phase 

but then you were constantly cancelling plans, blowing him off for peter, and asking if it was ok to invite peter to practically every family dinner and movie night and tony got fed up

but he didn’t want to be an annoying, overbearing dad so he sulked in silence while you were off with peter 

as he sees less of you his jealousy towards peter grows, he feels like peter’s stealing you from him 

this leads to tony being very moody around peter, or even when you just offhandedly mention him in conversation 

you were oblivious to the sudden attitude change towards peter because you thought your dad really liked him

but it was driving him crazy, making it so evident to everyone else 

but if anyone asked he immediately shut it down

you weren’t stupid, you could tell something was bothering him but he never verbalized how he felt so you just figured he was stressed or something 

and things go on like this for a little while

but then

after one mission

everyone’s getting off the quinjet and your dad’s bracing himself for your bear hug ™️

only for you to run into peters arms

so when you go around for your round of hugs

he’s just standing there like 🧍‍♂️heart breaking because he feels like peter replaced him in your life :(

and i can see all the avengers being pissed too because you guys had a hugging system and peter just messed the whole thing up >:(

they could see how it was eating at tony but knew he still wouldn’t say anything

so they all collectively decided it was time for an intervention

they spent the rest of the night planning and practicing what to say

i can see bruce, and steve taking it so seriously, writing impact statements and everything

the next morning they cornered you when you were about to get breakfast so you couldn’t escape the inevitably uncomfy convo to come

they drag you into the living room where the rest of the avengers are

and they’re all sitting with their arms and legs crossed looking super stern and solemn

and your just like 👁👄👁 uh guys ?

so bruce starts everyone off

“we know peter’s your first boyfriend and we’re glad you two are happy but you have to spend more time with your dad, i know he won’t downright say it but he misses you and feels like peter replaced him in your life”

and then it clicks for you 

“so that’s why he’s been so moody lately”

and everyone’s like yeah duh

so you go looking for your dad to find him hunched over a little device in the lab looking super mopey 

and your heart just breaks because why didn’t you notice it sooner :(

so you approach him and sit criss cross on the ground next to his chair like you did when you were little 

you look up at him and ask what his plans are for the day

he says “nothing” so you proceed to ask if he wants to do something with you

“but peter’s busy today” he says bitterly at the mention of peter

“i know i just wanted to spend time with you”

he perks up at that so you continue “i know we haven’t spent as much time together lately and i’ve been missing our dad and daughter time”

he plays it cool but internally he’s like YESSSSS

“yeah that’s cool i guess” 

so you guys go out and have a really great day and tony’s acting like himself again and everyone notices

before you head off to bed you give your dad an extra big hug and tell him “i know its just been us for a while and peter in our lives is a big adjustment and we’ve been spending a lot of time together, but he could never replace you, i love you and spending time with you and i never meant to neglect our relationship, i was just excited, i don’t want you to feel like you have to compete for my attention”

and tony’s like :’ )

but he says “its ok i get it and for the record i wasn’t jealous or anything”

and you’re just like yeah ok dad and give him a kiss on the cheek 

he smiles and says “g’night love you kiddo” 

“love you dad” :)

and from then on you’re sure to be mindful to balance your relationship while leaving time for everyone else 

and peter learns to accept that he gets hugged last after a mission because “you got here last it’s only fair!” (because yes the avengers did have a sit down with him to lay down the law about the post mission hugging schedule) 

[londonalozzy]

Stop Pretending (TFATWS)

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Genre: Romance, Angst

Summary: The reader thinks she's doing a stellar job of keeping her feelings for a certain soldier buried deep inside. Turns out, all it takes is an observant new friend to begin the unraveling of her most precious secret (Spoilers for TFATWS)

Masterlist

Word: Pretence

Definition: A way of acting that is intended to deceive people.

Example: Saying that he's just a friend when he's really the love of your life.

Your POV

Being caught in the midst of war is something that I, (Y/N) (Y/L/N)  know all too well. As a war vet, former shield agent, and now Avenger I'm used to being centered amongst conflict. When the fight begins within me though, a battle between what I want and what I think is right, how will I react? Will I listen to my heart, my head, or will the winner be chosen for me?

Delacroix, Louisiana.....

I love my sleep, always have, always will. It's not necessarily the comfort of the bed, the quiet or even the rest. It's the fact that I'm at peace when I sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, so anything that will put that off for as long as possible I savor.

I wish it were the same for a certain super soldier in my life. I look forward to going to bed, everything calms down then, and for most people it's the same. For Bucky however, it's when everything starts, the nightmares, the terrors, the seemingly unending darkness. If only I could take his pain away like he has with mine.

For the last few weeks, my life had, for want of a better word, been hectic. Hectic to say the least.

After the eventual defeat of Thanos and the loses we endured as a result, I thought naively that life might calm down a bit, that I'd have time to breathe, to live. How wrong I was.

It all began with John Walker being announced to the world as the new Captain America.

I was baking cookies with Morgan in the Stark family kitchen when it came over the radio. As that latest turn of events sunk in, my first thoughts were of Bucky, what that would do to him. Not even an hour later I had said my goodbyes and was on my way to help him get the shield back.

Since then even more had happened. We'd regrouped with Sam, busted Zemo out of prison which in turn ruffled the feathers of Ayo and the Dora Milaje. We came face to face with Morgenthou and the Flag Smashers, and finally witnessed the man who thought he could even compete with Steve, make himself judge, jury and most significantly executioner.

After that went around the world we knew we had to end it sooner rather than later. It couldn't get much worse than Captain America becoming a murderer. We got the shield back, which was a fight all in itself. Handed Zemo over to Ayo, to try and recompense for the distrust we'd instilled in the people who'd helped us so much. Then we travelled to stay with Sam and his family in Louisiana whilst we waited for Karli's next move.

This is where we found ourselves now, in the eye of it, the calm before the storm.

Waking up in the Wilson households guest room, I was greeted to the golden hue of the rising sun penetrating through the single glaze windows, and the melodic sounds of gulls on the hunt for their morning meal down by the docks.

Actually, no that's not right. What I could hear was most certainly not birds, and it was definitely not melodic. What were those boys doing?

Quickly and quietly I threw on the first clothes I could get my hands on and made my way downstairs towards the noise. What caught my attention when I discovered the source, was not the two youngest Wilson boys playing with our newly reacquired shield in the living room, but the super solider who was blissfully ignorant to it all, sleeping peacefully on the couch in front of them. I don't think I'd ever been so happy.

"Right you two, if you're determined to play Avengers all morning then I suggest you re-assemble in the back yard. You're gonna wake Bucky up," I whispered out in one breath, stepping between the boys, then placing my hands on their backs and tip toeing them towards the door.

"So what if we wake him up? It's gone 10am," Cass questioned in protest, pulling on his sneakers and jacket.

"Exactly! Which is why if you do as I say, I will make you the biggest plate of waffles for breakfast that you've ever seen."

The boys eyes lit up. "Can we have ice cream with it? Mum never lets us have ice cream for breakfast, and I'm sure there's a tub of Stark raving hazelnuts in the freezer," AJ clapped in muted excitement. "Oh, for God's sake.....Yes. You can have whatever you want if you get out of this house now and keep the noise down."

Once the boys were outside, I made my way over to the kitchen, stopping on the way to lean over my favourite senior citizen and make sure that he was still peaceful in his slumber. He'd never looked so relaxed, so at ease. It was a brand new Bucky I'd never seen before, a Bucky that had my heart pounding for him even more than it normally did. Not that he knew any of that.

Half an hour later and up to my elbows in waffle mix, I failed to notice my new friend and host Sarah making her way to my side at the counter, the huge smile on my face not going unnoticed. "What's got you grinning like the Cheshire cat, like I need to ask?"

"Bucky's sleeping. Isn't it amazing?" I spoke softly, bouncing up and down on my feet as I did so.

"And why is that?" She couldn't looked more confused if she tried.

"In all the years I've known him, I don't think I've ever woken up before he has. If his nightmares don't keep him awake all night, they normally have him up before the crack of dawn. I don't think I've ever seen him so still."

"Good answer," Sarah nodded in a hush, understanding why this meant so much to me, but not done yet with her morning interrogations, "Now on to my next question......"

"I'm already not liking the sound of this."

"Sleeping Beauty over there follows you around like a little puppy dog. He hangs on your every word, looks at you like you hung the stars or something. It's pretty obvious how crazy he is about you, so when are you gonna stop pretending that you're not head over heels in love with him?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Wilson," I smiled forcefully, making out like the waffle maker deserved my attention way more than the conversation I was being made to have.

This was all Sam's doing, without a shadow of a doubt. He'd tried to have this conversation with me on multiple occasions and I shut him down every time. He obviously hadn't given up like I thought he did, and decided to draft in his sister. He is seriously gonna regret it when I find him.

"Sure you know what I'm talking about. Sam sees it, I don't even know you that well and I see it. The only reason Bucky doesn't, is because he doesn't believe he could ever be that lucky. You're a smitten kitten." These Wilson's are all as annoying as each other.

Knowing I wasn't getting out of this one, I grabbed Sarah by the arm and pulled her right into the corner of the room, trying my best to keep this convo as private as possible. "Look, I'm not pretending.....I'm ignoring. There's a difference."

"Care to explain what that difference is?" Sarah spoke softly, but with a sarcastic air.

Turning to look over my shoulder at the subject of our conversation, making sure he was still safely in the land of nod, I decided to just be honest. Sarah was much like her brother. Once she wanted to get to the bottom of something she wasn't about to give up.

"I love Bucky, more than I've ever loved anyone...and that terrifies me," the rawness of finally being honest making my voice shake, and tears come to my eyes. "Nat was like my sister, and she's dead. Tony was the closest I've ever gotten to having a Dad...and he's dead too. Then there's Steve, Vision, God knows where Wanda is....Everyone I love, either leaves or dies. If I admit my feelings for Buck then I face the risk of losing him too."

"Do you have any idea how crazy you sound right now? He's not going to die because you love him (Y/N)."

Silent tears were falling now. I was revealing my deepest fears to a woman I'd only known a few days, and I'm not underplaying it when I say it was like a colossal weight off my chest, a release I didn't know I needed. "Believe me...I know, but I can't take that risk. I can't lose anyone else, especially not him."

"Let's just say for a second that you're right, that there is some higher power somewhere, set on destroying everyone you love. Do you really think ignoring your feelings is going to make them disappear?" I didn't know what to say to that. "Natasha and Stark died so that everyone could continue living, and (Y/N) you're not living as long as you keep this to yourself. They wouldn't want that for you."

"But what if I lose him?" I whispered with a choked sigh.

"Then at least he'll die knowing how you felt about him. After everything he's been through don't you think he deserves to know there's someone out there who loves him like you do?"

"Of course..."

Sarah's lips pulled upwards in a satisfied smirk, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze, "then you owe it to yourself, and to him, to tell him the truth."

"Why do all you Wilson's have to be so clever?" I voiced in mock irritation, pushing her away from me and acting like I was annoyed she had gotten one up on me.

"I don't know," she thought aloud and with a cheeky grin, grabbing a plate to start piling on the long forgotten waffles, "I think it might be the sea air or something."

"Nah, it's in the genes," I chuckled quietly, grabbing my jacket and deciding it was time to get this conversation wrapped up. "I'll go find Sam and the boys for breakfast. Clear my head a little bit."

"You promise you're gonna tell him?" Sarah stopped me as I went to push the door open.

"I'll think about it."

3rd person POV

Once (Y/N) was out of ear shot, Sarah couldn't help but start jumping up and down in excitement, clapping her hands loudly as she did so. That went even better than she thought it would, and she was so proud of herself. Sarah Wilson could now add matchmaker to her resume.

"Coast is clear Barnes. You can open your eyes now."

(Y/N) had no idea what she had metaphorically walked into just minutes earlier, entering that very revealing conversation with her overly inquisitive host.

What drew Sarah to come down that morning was the sounds of both the front porch door opening and the smell of homemade waffles wafting up the stairs. As she entered the kitchen she was met with two sights. One being (Y/N), facing the counter and looking very smiley, the other being a wide awake super soldier who was just laying on the couch and staring at her, the sole object of his affection. Sarah could work with this.

Every time (Y/N) turned back in his direction, Bucky would close his eyes and pretend to be asleep again. He had never slept so soundly, so peacefully, thoughts of (Y/N) and his new friends filling his nightmare free dreams.

He'd initially woken to (Y/N) ushering the boys outside because she was afraid they would wake him up. He didn't want to disappoint her by proving her right. Besides, he liked just watching her move around the kitchen, completely unaware he was observing her the whole time. He had no idea about the conversation that was just about to happen.

After (Y/N) had left and Sarah had confirmed so, Bucky sat himself up, his body shaking with adrenaline and a look of complete shock fixed on his face. Had he definitely woken up, or had the whole thing been a part of his dream? Did (Y/N) seriously just admit that she was in love with him?

Bucky didn't know how to react, didn't know what to say as he looked up at a smug Sarah from his spot. All he'd ever wanted was for (Y/N) to feel the same way about him as he did about her. Now he knew that she did.

"You're welcome by the way."

[miekasa]

Dad Levi would be the dad who his kids trust implicitly, like he’s rational, level-headed, and his kids feel like they can talk to him about anything even if he doesn’t talk much. I feel like even during the teen years where there’s a lot of growth and finding yourself and all the dramatics and dumb decisions that come with it, his kids would still go to him first and be comfortable and open and they actually talk about their days and lives. And his kids trust him with secrets and all, and Levi would kinda just go ? [insert that picture of him in S4 where he looks so done at the forest 😂] at the dramatic lives of teens, but he just talks to them like adults, and he reads them to filth too LMAO and he always tells them what they need to hear 😭 Basically, they have a very good and healthy relationship 🥺 and are the envy of many out there LMAO

Oh yeah this for sure definitely, this is the essence of his relationship with his kids; and it works out even better because Levi’s kids think he’s pretty cool, even tho he's certain they turned out cooler than him. Definitely an envious dynamic and relationship he’s got going on with all his kids. 

He’s just a little (a lot) out to touch with like technology and the reality of current day teens that talking about their lives to him a good way such that talking to him about their lives is low risk, high reward; he doesn’t have any expectations for them to let him down, so there’s really just room for a good convo and advice. The image of him being confused about the dramatics of his teens’ lives is so funny to me tho plsss he’s really just like “All that is really going on? And, so you’re saying your... friend group is no longer a ‘group’ because of this one person?” He’s taking notes, he really is. 

He’s a good parent to gossip too because he doesn’t gossip to anybody else, except you; and even then, if his kid explicitly expressed that this is something they’re coming to him privately about, he would honor that. Plus he’s got a lot of life experience, so even tho he’s shit at putting it softly, it ultimately helps. Him reading them to filth is also so fucking funny because you know it would happen; he would tell it how it is and if his kids sound like they’re in the wrong to him—or even just sounds like they’re being shit friends or immature or whatever it is—he’s gonna tell them that lmfaooo he’ll come in with the “Well, in your friend’s defense, you do have trouble listening sometimes.” “Dad!!” “For example, you seem to never hear me when I say to move the fuckin kettle to the back left burner when you’re done in the ktichen.” “DAD!!”  

[vintagedolan]

this is probably too much but i wanna see an imagine where gray describes how happy he is y/n is with him and how he experience firsts with her. like we know he's been relationships but maybe this is the first time he has experienced a domesticated life w/ her & how it amazes him she looked past all of the shits they accused him of :D

(a little guide: grayson ethan ryan for the pod convo :) )

So, we’ve added another member to the committed relationship club recently

Yeah, yeah we have

Well I guess not recently per say, you all have been together for a while now

What is it now, 7 months? Or 8, I guess

Yeah almost 8 now, but I put that post up last week, so we’ve only been public since.. Monday I guess?

So how’re you feeling about it? Most of what I’ve seen is pretty positive so far

I mean, I kinda knew what to expect a little bit because I watched Ethan go through it first with everything, when he shared about his relationship. And we were dating at that point, me and my girlfriend, but not as long as he and his girl had been together at that point so... I guess I just sat back and watched to see how all of that went down

So you used me as your fuckin guinea pig is what you’re saying

Yeah, yeah I guess I did haha. But it was on accident, we weren’t ready at that point to say anything, or at least I wasn’t. She’s always been really chill about everything - she’s never been fazed by what people have said online, cause you know

People speculate, people have been guessing that you all were dating ever since that pap got you all on Melrose. One picture gets out and all of sudden everyone thinks they know every detail of your life

Right, and it’s a weird line to tow. Cause part of me wanted to keep everything so private, so, like, safe I guess, because I hate the idea of anyone I love getting hate. Like when Ethan gets shit online, obviously it pisses me off, but when she gets hate it’s different, because she’s getting that negativity because she’s associated with me. Like she wouldn’t have to deal with that shit if she wasn’t in a relationship with me, yah know?

Right, but I mean, I’ve known your girlfriend for a while now, and I would like to see somebody try some shit with her. I would be scared for my life

Try living with her, and with my girlfriend too. When they team up on us they go in dude. They both have such confidence in themselves, I’ve yet to see anything get to them, which is really nice actually, cause we don’t have to worry about them too muc- 

Hang on, I didn’t finish my thought though

Okay but what I said was related

No it wasn’t

How was it not related to what you’re gonna say, I’m literally talking about our girlfriends

Just let me fuckin’ talk

Alright fine, go

Like I was saying with the line, you know in my past relationships I kept everything really close to the chest. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t post anything, i was super paranoid all the time about anyone finding out. And thats a fucked up way to live, so that was part of the reason why I was ready to come out and say something about stuff this time

Right, because that definitely puts a lot of stress on a relationship too

Exactly. And the other part of it for me is that this is the first like, real... adult? Is that the right word?

Adult works

Yeah adult makes sense

Okay, yeah, then like adult relationship I’ve really been in in my life. I mean I’m twenty, and I’m getting to experience a lot of firsts that I’ve always really craved. 

Ooooo, firsts

Bro shut the fuck up you know that’s not what I’m talking about

He was buying jimmies at CVS at 15, c’mon now, give him some credit

Yeah yeah, I just like to fuck with him

What do you mean by firsts though, I’m curious

Like, this is the first time I’ve actually lived with my significant other, and that definitely adds a whole other dynamic to a relationship

Oh for sure

You know, like I’m in here recording this right now, and I don’t have to worry about if we’re gonna get done late or if I’m gonna have time to like, go drive to my girlfriend’s house, because I know she’s in the house and she’s gonna be here when I’m done. There’s just something really comforting about that stuff

The domestic shit

Yeah, domestic shit. Like cooking together, and doing laundry. Small shit like that, I never realized how much like, intimacy that builds.

Intimacy? Jesus, how many relationship podcasts have you been listening to

Shut up, you listen to em too, we literally listened to one in the car the other day. But seriously, living with someone is really different, and just... really fucking nice. And since were always together, or like we know what each other are doing, theres no room for shit to get twisted by social media, or tabloids

It’s not like she ever believed any of that shit anyways, thats one of the reasons you were into her in the first place

Yeah, shes always been good like that, one of the many reasons I love that girl

God, she’s gonna roast your ass when she listens to this later, you’re such a simp

Don’t use that word, I fuckin hate that word

Which one, roast or simp?

[cloveroctobers]

• JENIFER “JEN” MARLOWE •

IG Info/bio: @/justjenw1n | 220k followers | Fashion | just a LUVer who owns a lovely blog that you’re more than welcome to check out here... astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk 🪞🛍🪄

22 (24) (25 in 2021) years of age

From London, England

Her family has French origins

Tends to visit once a year mainly with her family

For her 18th bday, her parents also sent her to Paris with her bf that she’s been dating since she was 14

they broke up since he wanted to stay in Paris to pursue his dreams and she felt like she needed to be back home...which she felt Paris was not

Extremely close to her parents, some may say a little TOO close...

See, I feel like jen comes from a family that spoils her where her parents did everything and took care of everything for her. She had the privilege and didn’t have to work too hard to get things she wanted so that made her a little bit different than a few of her friends, hell—even her bf

Didn’t have to work until she reached her twenties

She also didn’t have too many friends because her parents felt like her cousins and/or her sibs were really only allowed to hold that title

However her parents had some sort of a soft spot for her when they allowed her to date her bf at 14 since he came from a nice background...

And to have at least 1-2 best friends...

I can’t decide if I see her having 3 other sibs with her being the second eldest, or her being the eldest with a younger sister? I can also see her being a only child too? Idk y’all can decide

Because her family is a tight knit one, she values everything they say and do...which is canon/evident

She got her thigh tattoo in Paris and even thought about asking her parents permission but her bf talked her out of it

she later showed them that night while he was in the shower. Her mother openly disapproved saying it was, “unladylike or unclean” while her father was more lenient towards it 

Her mother even scheduled her for laser appointments but this was one of the things jen was sure of, she loved her tattoo and she didn’t want to erase it from her body which led to her mother not speaking to her for about a month—even tho they live in the same household

I feel like she looks more like her dad with her mom’s hair and smile

Got into fashion due to her maternal grandmother who seemed to live a extravagant life as a old time actress, she always had and owned the finest of things

Jen loved having sleepovers there, it felt like she had her own personal Liz Taylor inside of her nan...but better!

Definitely found inspiration through Liz Taylor, Kate Moss, Victoria Beckham, and Naomi Campbell

she had no clue what she wanted to do in life (she never had to think too hard about it until now, it’s true what they say about your twenties) and she made the choice not to continue thru with uni & I’m not going to make her out to be the stereotypical “dumb blonde” I think she did well in school—so she kinda just chilled after it was all over

Her first job at 20 was probably working in retail where she learned all about the bs you put up with but she loved clothes! That never changed

So she decided 6 months into her job that she was going to make a fashion blog

she made one separate from her tumblr but kept it under construction since she needed to brain storm what exactly this blog would entail

It didn’t take too long to her to figure it out by how she wanted the blog to look then discussing pieces from celebs/models then slowly discussing her own wardrobe + advice

She didn’t immediately gain success for it —altho she did have a good 1k people follow her thru her tumblr where she also provided the link to her separate blog... but she worked/works hard at it, hoping one day it’ll get her somewhere and that maybe she can get paid for it too?

Retail fucking sucks and people are horrible twats so when she was approaching 21 she deff quit with her parents still hammering...more so her dad on what she needs to do with her life but she found happiness in her blog and no one was going to take that away from her —not even her parents

‘What’s the use of working if it doesn’t make you happy?’ She thinks but again! she has the privilege of living under her parents roof and not having to pay bills so she didn’t have to worry too much rn she knows they’d never kick her out right?

she has two bunnies named “bugsy” and “Lola”—u know the reference right?

I feel like she values the flinstones & jetsons because it was something her dad loved watching as a kid and still does , probably has the dvds showcased in her room that she watches when she feels sad

Seems like a smiley person but when she’s sad? It kinda sucks to see cause she turns into a whole different person and she always seems happy with a smile so wide that turns her eyes squinty

If she disagrees with something, she’s 100% giving her opinion whether you like it or not? Wrong is wrong. But when the shoe is on the other foot? She hates being wrong LOL or doesn’t view herself being wrong. Doesn’t take accountability well...at all!

She’s also showed her ass by being a gossiper and fake as hell with Allegra about mc with the whole, “let’s pretend like we’re there for her” if you’re not fucking with somebody just say that or SHOW it sis cause that snakey shit will come back to bite you in the ass (I forgot about this lol as I’m replaying)

she’s all “mega resting bitch face” until she breaks out into a large smile

Libra sun? + Virgo moon? + Gemini rising?

I feel like she only knows what she wants when it comes to relationships but not with the rest of life?

Lol she was very determined with levi in the beginning, explored shit with jake, (I can’t remember if that was after you/mc showed a interest in him or not in that route? I’m doing a talia/Rohan route rn But that’s kinda foul if she’s smiling in ur face and then boom goes and does what she wants but hey that’s the game right? Fck that tho) and then stood by Tim after only some time?

She wasn’t feeling him in the beginning either cause he thought she was too posh for him and snakey which he’s right to some degree but she’s also right if she finds him too immature for her liking

To you jim? Ten? Stans— Idk what their ship name is but it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run either because I don’t see both of them wanting to change themselves completely to satisfy the other. (Tim tried) Sure if you’re showing unhealthy behaviors and are open to diminishing that for yourself then trying to work on your relationship then that’s great! But they already started from the jump not liking each other’s personalities/characteristics....

And hey! Ofc I know people grow to like things they might have disliked about you in the beginning but you can also find yourself not fully accepting it in a relationship and that doesn’t mean you didn’t try

+ it’s been hinted at that they’re not endgame & if you love yourself some Tim not platonically then this works in ur favor. if not? Then you can keep them endgame by all means! For me? That endgame shit is a no! For those that don’t gaf about either of them that’s fine too lmao

YES I feel like they were both hurt over the breakup and it probably happened right around the holidays or either a couple of months after Christmas/New Years 2019

Jen is probably the type to keep checking up on her ex, not necessarily talking to them but finding out who they’re with now

and if it’s Tim with mc she’s definitely gossiping about the shit with erikah and Allegra or making shady tweets or posts on IG for sure

“5 outfits to wear when you run into your ex” type posts on her blog looool

She hopes if she runs into Tim, she’s looking her best and she would 80% go up to him & mc/his new girl if not mc and be all huggy with him and holding conversation before she even thinks to acknowledge mc/new girl and when she does it’s a shady convo with fake smiles

Absolutely loves watching housewives so she was prepared for that moment if it ever does come

Her parents openly didn’t like Tim which made him feel like shit since it seemed like jen never defended him in front of them but again, she values her parents opinion and always wants their stamp of approval that’s just the way the girl is/ was brought up

She owes them everything but deep down knows that in her relationship with Tim she could have been a little more understanding of his needs like he was with her love for her parents...but she’ll never admit that

Doesn’t get over breakups as easily as it may seem like her exes do in her opinion.

It sure didn’t take long with Tim to date mc/new girl months after they broke up! Which was like a slap in the face

The ex bf she spent time w in Paris who looks like Matthew Noszka is now engaged, lives in AMERICA—& of all places??? California to be exact, and just released his debut album!! She knows which songs are probably about her, it’s a nice album she screamed about it for hours into her pillow and cried for what felt like weeks

Lost her voice over that breakdown too

Her mother even went as far as sending a nasty letter to this ex bf’s new address...since ya know? jen’s dad is a private investigator & all!!! but dad had no knowledge of this being done

She’s still fond of Levi and jake but not like in love with them? Like she thought/felt she was with Tim but she still considers them her mates

Maybe in 2021 she’ll be open to dating again and hopes erikah and Allegra will be her wingwomen when the time comes BUT she’s focusing on her blog rn and it’s the best it’s ever been!

She had the show to thank for that now that she has a manager and is getting paid for running her blog now! That’s right this girl is officially employed!

“At least one good thing came from the show ;) 🧽🥐🥂” type of tweets

There’s never not a moment where she’s not connecting her posts whether thru ig or Twitter to her blog: astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk!!!

Both erikah and Allegra talk a little shit about that together...WHEN they DO talk, the pair only really socialize when jen initiates it but if one pisses the other off?? they’re going to gossip about it with the other forsure

She doesn’t look that tall to me? Taller than erikah? 5’2-5’5 the 5 is pushing it for me? Maybe? lol I’m still deciding between her and Allegra far as height and I’m too lazy to go back and see what I put for her

Hates straightening her hair, that pin straight look is not cute to her. She loves having waves and body to her hair

Get her eyebrows micro bladed since she doesn’t have much hair up there to begin with

Adores French cuisine, always has since she was a little girl. Bisque used to be her fav back then and all that she would eat

Loves spring season especially pastel colors when it comes to her wardrobe

The type to say one thing and do the complete opposite

I feel like she probably has a little bit of lisp and it’s not really noticeable until she says some words, she’s insecure about it and thought it had something to do with the structure of her teeth and begged her parents to get them fixed but it literally had nothing to do with them

Yet she still got colorful braces in middle school even tho her teeth were pretty straight. She didn’t have to wear them for a whole year, thank goodness

Went to speech therapy to help

Has stacks of fashion magazines even from the early 90s all over her room: her night stand, her vanity, her closet, underneath her bed etc...

Adores the Hadid sisters, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, & Georgia May Jagger

Makes the best white chocolate chip (that’s right, white not just regular chocolate) banana bread but cooking/baking? Isn’t really her thing

Early riser

Loves yellow: yellow phone case, yellow laptop, yellow room, yellow tulips, yellow shades, etc...

Getting Prada shades was probably one of the best things that happened to her, s/o to her nan for granting her this wish

Words of affirmation is her love lanaguage, this girl is a talker and a bit of a thinker too I mean duh? She runs a blog

Likes bright colors on her toes but nude and clear polish on her hands?

Loves a good mascara but she also loves magnetic lashes but is trying her best to grow her lashes out rn! Thanks to erikah for sending her some good ol’ coconut oil!

Smokey eyes? Set her up

Gets a belly ring, and two more tatts one in between her boobs and the last on her ankle & that one she shed a tear over!

Maybe she’ll start changing her physical attributes more so than the way she carries her life at first? (Or ever) She’ll cut her hair below her collarbone to the top of her chest, and maybe she’ll try a light light LIGHT brunette (she loves being a natural blonde) with blonde highlights? Who knows

loves espadrilles and wedge sandals

Loves going wine tasting and visiting vineyards, if she’s vacationing? You can bet ur ass she’s looking for a vineyard to visit

Deff a lightweight

Here’s her unpopular opinions on s2: Thought Felix was a wannabe Tim and hates the fact that he follows her, thought graham was unattractive and said so to Allegra who snickered, thought marisol’s clothing choices were rather boring,

didn’t feel 100% bad for Hannah but disagrees with the way Gary and noah spoke about her + the way Gary tried to slide back over to Hannah on her comeback episode

but doesn’t feel like Lottie is wrong for choosing Gary after Hannah left

isn’t a fan of priya but is glad she’s doing fashion since jen strongly believes in if something isn’t making u happy then u need to let it go

Thinks Hope should have won and cannot tolerate Bobby. Feels he’s WORSE than Felix,

would be open to dating Ibrahim or Carl from that szn

has spoken to Harry from s3 due to his drunkenness and actually made a friend out of him? But low key wants to get to know seb? Take that info as u will 👀

Her anthem: Michelle — SUNRISE

[inkovert]

Some Call It Fate

Excerpt from: Chapter 6

Word Count: 1221 words

Context: a cute/endearing sibling convo :)

The lever on the toaster jerked up, and the warm, slightly burnt aroma of toast wafted through the air. I transferred two crisp pieces of bread over to a plate and slathered both slices with honey. Grabbing my mug of Earl Grey tea, I headed for the living room.

“Toast is ready.” The plate clinked as I set it down on the coffee table.

Jeremy sat up in his seat. “I can’t believe we’re out of food already, E and I just went on a grocery run like five days ago.”

“Well, considering you have the appetite of a whole rugby team and a class of first graders combined, I’m surprised we even made it to five days.” I stepped over him to get a seat on the couch.

He shrugged. “I’m a growing boy and an athlete. I need all the energy I can get.”

Cradling my mug in my hands, I held it close to my face and felt the warm wisps of vapor tickle my skin. “I get that, but I don’t make enough for us to be buying food every week. We need to be smart, cut back.”

His mouth quirked at the corner. “Yeah, I know. You’re right.” Leaning forward, he snatched up his piece of toast from the plate. After slowly inspecting it, he shook his head. “And I know just what we can cut back on first — your excessive use of honey.” Peering over at me, he mockingly added, “You know, you don’t make enough for us to sustain this addiction.”

I held up a finger. “First of all, it’s not an addiction, it’s just a…preference.”

“Oh, so you prefer to give yourself diabetes.”

“I’m not that bad. You’re exaggerating.”

“Am not. You put it on everything. Tea, toast, fruit. I swear I caught you trying to slip it into your fries that one time.”

I pointed at him defensively. “Ok, I was like seven and I mistook it for the mustard bottle. Dad always put them in the same place. It was an honest mistake.”

“Whatever you say.” He put his hands up and leaned back in his seat. “I’m just saying if they made honey bath bombs, you would be all over that shit like Winnie the Pooh.”

I punched him in the shoulder to shut him up, but my reaction only elicited a laugh. Shaking my head, I couldn’t resist laughing myself.

Brushing him off, I leaned over and stole my slice of toast off the plate. Continuing our silly childhood ritual, we knocked our pieces of toast together and bit into them simultaneously with a satisfying crunch.

I chewed thoughtfully. “So, today’s the day, huh.”

He nodded. “Today’s the day.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him tense slightly. “How’re you feeling?”

His chest rose and fell with a heavy breath. “If I’m being honest, I don’t know. I mean, sure, I’m excited. First game of the season and all, you know. But Westwood’s a tough team, and they’re gonna put up a hell of a fight. I can’t afford to mess up.”

In the wake of his confession, my face crumpled sympathetically. I allowed the silence to flow between us undisturbed while I grappled with what to say next. “Well, that’s what’s kept you playing this long, right?” Curious, he tilted his head over to me. “The thrill of the challenge.”

“Yeah.” He smiled, as if reflecting on a private memory. “That’s one of the reasons at least.”

I nodded slowly, receiving the message. “I miss him, too.” Like a reflex, my thumb found the ring on my finger and twisted it absentmindedly. “He’d be really proud of you, you know.”

He rested his head back on the couch, sending a small smile to the ceiling. “You think?”

“I’m sure of it.”

Jeremy hadn’t always been the courageous, happy-go-lucky guy sitting beside me now. Every time I laid eyes on him, I thought back to the delicate kid I’d grown up with, the one who stood so quiet with fear that he was often overlooked. Watching him now, it was hard to believe they were one in the same.

I remembered the exact day everything had changed for him. He was five years old and he’d just returned home from a grocery store run with Mom. Dad and I were in the living room when he came barreling in and started bouncing off the floorboards in front of the TV. Unable to contain himself, he didn’t hesitate to fill us in on the reason behind his excitement. On the way home, he’d seen two high school girls playing soccer in an empty parking lot. Their strength and agility left him awe-struck. He thought they were so cool, the way they handled the ball with such grace and expertise.

Watching them play inspired him, and he practically begged Dad to train him to play, too. It was the first time I’d seen him take initiative about anything. If Dad had been surprised by his new behavior, he hadn’t shown it. He’d flashed Jeremy a wide grin, chiming in that he thought it was a great idea.

From day one, Jeremy took his training seriously. He practiced in our backyard for hours at a time, refusing to come inside until he mastered a new skill. Our parents had to practically force him into the house when it started getting late, and almost a hundred percent of the time he went in kicking and screaming. He transformed from a timid kid to this confident guy with drive and determination, laser-focused on one goal. And through each struggle he experienced, Dad remained his biggest support system.

When he passed, I was sure Jeremy would quit playing soccer forever. For a period of time, he couldn’t even look at a soccer ball without growing angry or dissolving into tears. But, somewhere, somehow, he’d found the strength to play again. I suppose deep down he knew how much it would disappoint Dad if he gave up on his dream.

“He’d be proud of you, too, you know.”

Jeremy’s voice jolted me out of my thoughts. After registering his words, I released a bitter laugh. “Yeah, right. ‘Cause between the two of us, I’m the poster child of success.”

Jeremy tapped my arm lightly. “Hey, you’ve come a long way since he left, too. Keeping up your grades, getting a job, and this scholarship you’re going after. You’ve become so independent. I wish I could do all that.”

Shaking my head, I quietly dismissed his remarks. It may seem like I had everything under control, but it felt far from it. If only he could understand.

“I have a long way to go, Jer.”

“And you’ll get there,” he assured me. “I want you to get there, so you can stop beating yourself up about…” His forehead wrinkled, and his jaw hardened in frustration. “What happened with Dad…it wasn’t your fault.”

I stared transfixed into the dark depths of my mug, my eyes glazing over. “Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change the way things ended.”

“Neither does punishing yourself for it.”

I glanced up at him, and his eyes lingered on my face momentarily. The ring of the doorbell punctured the tension in the air. Hesitating, Jeremy rose to answer the door.

Taglist: @goldenzingy46 @pandawriterstuff @veinscript

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[taekooktimeline]

Could you please summarize the different stages they went through with the time frames including how they felt about each other at the time and what they’d told each other, and what the nature of their relationship was if you don’t mind?? (and also like big steps/milestones in their relationship like confessions, first kiss, first whatever). It just all seems kinda... muddled (which obviously it’s complicated by nature but if you could please help out i’d really appreciate it!! ty💗)

Sara & Kayla give different recaps. Sara will just do a minimal scheme while Kayla includes events. This is quite lengthy. Warning: It’s all opinion!

Sara:

— 2011-2013: Just (best) friends. Slow buildup of crushes.

— 2014: Just Friends. Boundary pushing coming specially from Tae.

— 2015: Still just friends, but they are basically “courting” each other and recognize they have a mutual attraction or - at the very least - curiosity. Possible kiss. There are moments of high tension.

—- 2016: They start an affair around May. Tae “breaks up” with Jk in August due to the unfavorable circumstances (they weren’t actual boyfriends). Jk seems upset but there is no direct confrontation. They are on good terms (meaning they don’t stop being friends). They start to mess around again during BS&T promotions until the end of Nov, which is when they stop again. BH starts cutting them out of content.

—- 2017: Tae regrets it & makes efforts to win Jk back (romantically). They both had started to hang out with friends outside of BTS which caused additional friction. Tae confesses to Jk at the start of March which is probably the first time there was an actual love confession between them. They start a serious relationship.

— 2018: Jk falls into a slump at the very beginning of the year (probs having to do with fame, identity, restrictions, etc) which causes Tae to suffer as well. (The group as a whole was also having a hard time but we are focusing on TK). This can be considered a crisis but they resolved it and came out stronger out of it, both as individuals and as a couple. As a group too !

— 2019: closeting intensifies even more but funnily enough they drop big lgbtq hints. They mature as a couple. By the end of the year(?) they start living in different apartments when they aren’t promoting which causes them to spend less time together.

— 2020: they keep being stable as a couple. Tae goes through some struggles but they are ok. Closeting reaches its peak, their first contract expires & they stage a talk to be able to change the narrative & interact more freely in front of cameras while still being closeted. (Disclaimer: I personally don’t think they have had any type of official engagement, just that they wear couple rings to show commitment like koreans typically do).

————————-

Kayla: reminder that this is entirely opinion on the timeline of their relationship. This is a quick summary. The timeline goes into further detail. Again, you’re free to believe as you like.

2011- predebut; friends as evidenced by Tae saying in an interview he noticed Jk first + Jk bought Tae a shirt for him while in America; Jk has also said Tae brought him out of his shell

213- debut; close friends; possible attraction but not recognized yet; this can be deduced based on them singing to one another in Rookie Kings in ep 7, Tae saying “you’re beautiful” to Jk and not the girl in the “Beautiful” MV + when the members go over the VHope kiss in episode 8, Jk seems very uneasy and uncomfortable about it (prior to the kiss talk, Taekook were affectionate, linking hands and hugging, mimicking one another)

2014; close friends who have noticed the attraction each feels and begin pushing boundaries to see how the other will respond; an example would be festa 2014, when Tae says touching thighs is for pervs but then is fine with Jk doing so moments later; Tae is visibly aroused by Jk dancing in two different moments this year (April during “boy in luv” and Sept 16 when he bites his lips and gets heavy lidded); in April when BTS act out a skit of Jk falling in love, TK pretend to lean in for a kiss and neither expresses discomfort. Milestone - realizing the other doesn’t react negatively to flirting / boundary testing

2015: close friends continuing to push boundaries; suspicions by us (theorizing) of a first kiss due to Tae drawing attention to his lips in two selecas in January + Jk recommending a gay song “Memo”, in which he changed the lyrics to say he wants “one more”; 123 theory first comes into play as well as Jk starting to send messages through songs - in May he recommends a song by Eels and highlights “can’t help falling in love” + in the same month Tae and Hobi cover “hug me” and then Jk uploads a song “eat” which has the line about wanting to hug someone. In December he covers “paper hearts” and shortens the lyrics from the original by 3 seconds so “when there’s cameras and I can’t reach you” is at 1:23. He also releases “fools” half an hour before Tae’s birthday. It’s an LGBTQ song. He’s called Tae a fool before in a fan sign. In addition, there is a lot of sexual tension in 2015 - Notably, festa. In June, Tae suggestively plays with a mic and Jk puts a mic in his mouth. When BTS appear on Yaman, TK are the only ones to interlock hands + appear to share looks of complicity when the interviewer asks if the members ever touched each other. During tension escalator, both exhibit a lack of boundaries and show comfort in being in each other’s space in a way the other members don’t feel (see an in-depth analysis of the moment by BL expert Pam here - https://youtu.be/mu8K1KBcn_0). They’re still playful with dubsmash and a secret handshake. They also begin to be more aware of cameras. They’re visibly separated in November during the HHYH concert making and when a camera pans to them in December, Tae stops leaning his head on Jk’s shoulder. Milestone - in our opinion, a possible first kiss happened this year, but they remained close friends testing boundaries

2016- FWB; we believe this is when they began to be intimate, though they didn’t label it. They’re flirty in Jan when they discuss Jk being an adult / turning 20. There are suspicions Jan 26 is an anniversary due to Tae uploading “how am I supposed to live without you” on this day and jk responding the same day with “nothing like us”. They’re generally affectionate in clips, such as summer package in Dubai. Jk is distracted in BV1 til Tae shows up. Jimin claps at a heart with their name in it + TK cuddle one morning without barriers or displays of uncomfortableness. We believe the dynamics changed between BV1 and SMART based on the tension in SMART. Tae is shy and Jk looks like he won at life; both bump arms and share shy and happy glances. Taekook is also coined this year! Due to external stressors, and shakiness/uncertainty in what their relationship really is, in our opinion TK remain close friends but end it come autumn 2016. They may have reunited briefly, based on continuing to display affection and attraction to one another, but proceeded to end things again by the end of the year. Milestone - in our opinion, this is the year they became intimate; FWB/not a serious relationship

2017- they become an official couple this year. In the beginning of the year they display jealousy towards one another, and Tae is very extra in his actions to Jk (ex - GDA awards in Jan). We believe Tae was trying to win Jk back. By March 2017 they appear to reunite and enter a renewed honeymoon period, as can be seen by the private convo vlive in April, ILY signs in Chile, suspicious kissing sounds in Tae’s Brazil vlive and festa footsie + suggestive actions at that event. They are still battling through the rollercoaster of 2016, which is why in BV2 we see them be sweet (“you’re mine” “do you want to live here with me?” To jk singing “nothing like us” in the direction of Tae’s room while seeming to be melancholy). Jk sings “nothing like us” in an interview and Tae gets shy. They display general closeness, like in the Run ep filmed in Nov when Jk eats food that has fallen from Tae’s mouth. They’re overall touchy in American interviews and hold hands after the AMAs when they don’t believe cameras are on them. They also do their handshake on MAMA and don’t have space between them during the show. Milestone - became an official couple  

2018- all appears fine with them as a couple, though both struggle with disbandment talks as individuals and as a group. This year is when we see the cheek kisses and “am I your friend?”, as well as “look at me, just me” from Jk to Tae in a run episode. Namsan private date on 1/26. Tae also tells Jk his eyes are always on him and he loves him during his birthday message to him. “Taekook best unit” is said by Tae at a fan sign, further proof of them supporting their “ship”. They display consideration and support to each other, like in Run ep 52, when Jk offers to trade cards with Tae so Tae doesn’t have to go to the sauna with his skin condition, or when Jk comforts Tae about his mullet at a fan sign. They also flash the ILY sign to each to each other at the BBMAS + BV3 happens when Jk is visibly excited to room with Tae (dropping hints / members congratulate) and is distracted til he shows up. Concert nape kiss. Milestone - solid, secure couple

2019- TK continue to appear close without issues or breaks. They’re flirty and affectionate at fan signs. Jk gestures twice to Tae as his life partner in the Japanese bbq interview, while Tae flicks his chin and they play footsie. They display traditional marriage threads while at a concert in Busan and Tae says Busan has his heart. They give themselves away as roommates in the May vlive with Jin and Jimin. Tae mentions the LGBTQ movie “call me by your name” twice. Jk says “I’m still me” from the LGBTQ movie “Love, Simon” at Festa. Jk awards Tae the “I thought you’d be beyond my imagination” award. They’re flirty in the “Home” performance and affectionate during MAMA. Weverse comment in November has been debunked. Jk doesn’t acknowledge Tae’s birthday online but gives him an airport  nape kiss that day. ILY signs during the NYE vlive. Milestone - to me, it’s possible they talked about the future together since Jk confidently referred to Tae twice as his life partner in the Japanese bbq interview and Tae responded by flicking his chin affectionately when “family” was brought up + marriage threads + matching hanboks

2020: all seems fine, in fact, dynamics may have shifted to truly indicate some sort of promise as TK have gotten bolder - they both wear rings on their left ring finger at the Grammys, along with matching outfits, and Jk breaks the lineup to stand by Tae (again, rumored anniversary as this happened Jan 26); general closeness and affection can be seen in American interviews, dancing together on Fallon and during CNS (with JK flashing the ILY sign); they wear matching outfits during BBC Live; Jk continues to wear Tae’s rings throughout the year. Milestone- i believe they’ve made some sort of deeper promise to each other, hence why Jk wears the rings and their actions are generally loud.

Final reminder this is all opinion / theory. You’re entitled to believe as you like. This is our stance. 

[rainingspellforlove]

falling again.

Tell me once again, tell me you love me like, you did that day.

 I couldn't believe it, everything about you was like looking in the mirror, we were so much alike. 

 But your lips that had spoken of love, don't say a word like they're locked shut, I can't understand with my heart, why you said you loved me. 

 But now you're trying to run away 

                                                                              Baekhyun - Love Again

The continuation of shouldnt have. 

It's been three months since then. Hyukjae been living well in Tokyo. He did his best to overcome his broken state. He did many things there and it really helped him a lot. He did yoga class, worked out his body, studied new languanges, even composing some new songs. for these three months, he already recovered well and he can back to his normal bubbly self again.

Hyukjae decides to come back to korea after feeling well. In a sunny sunday morning, hyukjae finnaly arrived at south korea. He walked alone with lot of luggagges with his mask on. Then he saw one familiar face to pick him up,

"Lee hyukjaeee"

"Hyunggggg"

Leeteuk comes to pick him up because he promises to grab a meal together later in a seafood restaurant..

"How are you hyukjae? Feeling better?"

"Eung of coursee hyung. I cant wait for our comeback finally"

"Of course we will have best of the best for this comeback. Lets work hard okay"

"Sure"

Then they enjoy talking to each other about how hyukjae's life in tokyo and how about the members doing while he was gone. They were doing pretty well with their individual schedule as well.

"Uhm so how was him? Is he doing pretty good these days?"

"You dont contact him at all?"

"Nope hahahaha"

"You really want to get rid of him huh?"

"Not to that extend lol he did messaged me sometimes, for the first week i went to japan, he texted me a lot like "what should i do" "im sorry" "i'll do everything for you to forgive me" "please" he did it so many times until 5 days maybe? Then i replied at the 6th day , i said "im okay. Youre not at fault. Just live your life as usual okay? Im fine here dont worry. " 

"I thought you blocked him lol"

"No way i cant block him we're still gonna work together right"

"Wah our pro-idol lee hyukjae. Amazing im proud of you. "

"Nothing's to be proud of. So how's he been?"

"Nothing special because we didnt meet him often bcs of our individual schedule"

"Oh then?"

"But i already met him few times actually asking him for a meal together, he wasnt like himself either i think. His soul is like leaving his body lol"

" He's not that lonely right if i left him like that? He already had a lover anyway"

"I dont know either. maybe you both need to talk it out, dont you feel it to try to talk to him?"

"Yeah ive been thinking about this too hyung. Maybe i will talk it out with him later"

"Good then"

After getting a meal with leeteuk, hyukjae comes back to the dorm with the help of leeteuk to bring his lugagges. And when he opened the door,

"Suprisseeee welcome back uri myeolchii"

Turned out the members already prepared the welcome back surprises with many foods and confettis.

"Oh my goddd guyss hahahahhaa"

"Welcome back uri hyukjaee, lets eat together!!!" Shindong said

"Yesss lets celebrate!" leeteuk finally said

Then they eat happily and tell so many funny stories like they always did.

"How is it at tokyo?" kyuhyun asked

"It's fun of course i did many stuffs there to clear my mind"

"Im glad you're feeling well right now.. we're so worried about you really. You should think less and dont overthink too much okay? You have us to lean on man!" yesung said

"yeah, we can help you anytime bro just tell us about anything" ryeowook said

"Of course i will haha im totally fine right now really!!"

Actually there's donghae too there who's been just smiled blandly at the situation. Fortunately bcs of this crowded condition, no one realized that donghae havent talked a single word to hyukjae yet. Then some times after they had fun and ate well, the members starts to go home one by one. There's leeteuk and donghae left , ofcourse with kyuhyun and hyukjae too.

so hyukjae  cleaned the dishes first and the rest of them cleaned the main room. When hyukjae washes the dishes, donghae actually comes to him and helps him cleaning the dishes

There's like silent in them for like few seconds.

"So, how have you been?" Hyukjae starts off the convo

"Nothing much it's just the same. You?"

"Yeah i did many stuffs there"

"Oh... im glad then"

Then silence again..

"Uhm, i- apologize for-"

"Nah it's not a thing for you to apologize anyway. Im totally fine"

"but im not..."

Silence again....

"Why? It's not that youre lonely without me right?" Hyukjae jokes

"hm maybe?" They laugh softly

Then hyukjae tried to ask something.

"How's thing with her?"

Donghae feels a bit flustered..

"yeah we're fine" said donghae plainly

"Good then"  hyukjae smiled

"I miss you" finally donghae said it

"I miss you too.. lets work hard more for our comeback soon. Lets just get back like we used to be okay?" but hyukjae not acting like he’s flustered. he acts cool

"Uhm sure.. "

Then hyukjae was about to go to the main room then donghae said

"im sorry.. lemme just say.. ehm- dont cry again hyukjae."

"sure i wont" hyukjae left and smiled after that..

flashback

The day after hyukjae went to japan, donghae was like a soulless man. He ignored all of the calls and messages in his phone. He just wants to talk to hyukjae. He wants to meet him rightaway but he cant. He cant disobey leeteuk because he always obedient to all leeteuk's words. He resisted himself and stayed at his house for almost a week. He ignored all of the messages and phone calls. He just wanted to see hyukjae's reply. But he didnt reply at all. He didnt answer his calls either.. donghae was really like a zombie.. then hyukjae suddenly replied to his messages in the 6th day. Donghae was startled like hell. Then he replied.

"it hurts to see you cry dont cry again.... im so sorry. I dont know what should i do... dont hate me...please.... im so sorry"

But then of course hyukjae didnt reply him again.

Actually donghae became so confused after hyukjae left. He thinks about him a lot. He thinks how hyukjae acts around him this whole time. He just realized this whole time, hyukjae must be suffered to hide this feeling alone. When he's the one being so touchy and stuffs....

He didnt know either why he feels so hurting while he's the one who hurts his friend. He hates being left especially when his important person who did it to him. He feels so confused after hyukjae left. He didnt know what happened to his mind recently. He cant think of anything. His mind was full of hyukjae. especially the kiss he gave that night. 

It feels like he poured all of his feelings to it.. but it was the most heartbreaking kiss that he ever felt. the tears that fallen in his cheeks. and his warm lips that melts into his. 

he hates to acknowledge this but he wants to feel it again... but not after feeling like this.   he missed hyukjae so much... it feels so wrong but he missed him so much......

but life must go on,  donghae tried to forget this confusing feelings and try to meet his girlfriend.

He actually met her few times. But donghae always didnt look fine at all. He always been on his mind and cant focus on her at all. And it's always been like this..

Donghae didnt seem to reply at her mesaages as often as before. And he rarely pick up her calls. Donghae was like a whole different person.. sometimes he would be ignorant or careless... even he was not actually like this.. 

he had a fight with his girlfriend recently.. because donghae keeps losing his focus when they met. And he keeps ignoring her messages and calls. He said that he was busy with works and stuffs. Still his girlfriend had it enough and asked him for break up. Donghae asked her not to end it so quickly. he said they can figure it out together. But his girlfriend insisted that they must break up. She was so tired of him. So they break up in their 5 months.. 

Donghae was shattered... he was miserable..

 he thought "maybe life was fair enough"

end of flashback

Donghae intentionally didnt tell hyukjae that he's already breaking up with his girlfriend. He thinks maybe it's for the best to stay like that. It's already been 1 month since he had broken up. And it's the time for hyukjae to come home to korea too. Actually donghae already recovers from his broken state too after 1 month. But now he saw hyukjae is a whole different. He's like happier, shining, and lovelier. It's like he's really getting himself better. He's getting way cuter... donghae seems a lil bit flustered to see hyukjae arrived... he was stunned for a lil bit. 

“is it just me or he gets cuter after coming back......” he thoughts.

Fortunately after their little talks, they can be like they used to be again.. 

The comeback is near.. so they keep practicing and practicing. They have been busy all the time after hyukjae arrived. They have been busy with many things to prepare the comeback.

Hyukjae is working hard too. He's even more refreshed for now. Donghae and hyukjae come back as they are used to be. Playful to each other. They are just being professional to not mix their private life and works. So they act like the things that happened 3 months ago are also dissapearead.. they just act like nothing happened.

They finally released their comeback songs successfully. It was a hit and success. They did many shows, interviews, and some variety shows to promote their comeback. They are so busy because of these schedules. But they are happy because finally they did a comeback again after a long time.

So after the day they brought a first win from mcountdown, they celebrate it in a restaurant and have a big feast there. Then they had drunk too after having those meals. It’s time for going home and there were no schedule tomorrow so leeteuk said just rest well for tomorrow. The members are going home one by one.

"Hyung, tomorrow i will have schedule for new journey to the west, so i cant come home with you. Is it okay for you to come home alone?"

"Nah it's okay. Bye bye kyuhyuna"

But actually hyukjae is in drunk state so he will go with his manager to come home.

then donghae comes

"I can take him home, i bring a car here so you dont need to worry managernim"

"Oh? You bring a car? Okay then i'll just come with you." 

Then hyukjae and donghae go home together with donghae's car. It's the first time for them having a drive like this for just both of them. 

"Hyukjae-ya, are you sober enough?"

"Hmmm 60% sober i tthink why?"

"Actually i want to tell you something"

"What is it?"

"I... i broke up with her"

"Her? Your lover? Why?" suddnely he’s 90% sober up

"Some things happened and we fights then she asked for breaking up. uhm yea thats it"

"Oh.. since when?"

"It's been like almost 2 months before our comeback"

"Ah... so you already broke up that time i ask you?"

"Hm yes.... sorry for not telling you the truth, im just scared that it will make you uncomfortable yknow"

"It's okay i understand... uhm.... so, you okay?"

"Yeah i had been not okay that time but right now i feel better a lot"

"Good for you then, hope you can find another person who's better for you then. life must go on right" 

Then silence... donghae doesnt give him any replies. 

They stopped at the red lights apparently..

"Do you already have a person you like this moment?" Suddenly donghae asked

"no there isnt. I didnt think of it at all because we've been so busy"

"Youre right"

Then the green light appears..

Donghae drives again... 15 minutes in silence and finally arriving at hyukjae's dorm..

"Okay.. would you want me to take you to your room or-?"

It turned out hyukjae already sleeps. He didnt dare to wake him so he puts hyukjae in his back and piggy backs him to his room.... and he still sleeps soundly at donghae’s back.. 

Donghae puts hyukjae to his bed and tucks him in the bed softly.. then unconsciously, donghae leans in to hyukjae's face..

Donghae pressed a soft kiss to his forehead...

"What if you're the better person for me hyukjae? What you’re gonna do if i fall for you?" He said while carressing his hair softly.. 

After that, donghae turned off the lamp and went home rightaway....

actually hyukjae didnt fall a sleep at all... 

he listened to all of them.

"The hell is that just happened...... oh my freaking God what the hell just happened....." he wakes up rightaway.

Hyukjae still can feel donghae's kiss in his face. he cant sleep at all that day. Even after hyukjae's arrival, they had been in a good terms. It is like nothing happened back then. They acted like they used to. Everything seems so natural. There were no feelings for each other.. hyukjae completely erased his feelings for donghae but why did he act like that last night....

"God he's confusing me again.... "

After that confusing situation for hyukjae, he will never know that was the start of all donghae's affections to him.

 and it's likely more affectionate than he ever imagined.

They did many shows and got many interviews. In those shows, donghae always finds chance to get close to hyukjae even doing some skinships to him. But it's like he did it unconciously and natural. It's like the usual donghae but it's more clingy than usual.

He's always backhugging him when they played something, or when in a music show ending, and many more. But hyukjae just lets him bcs he didnt want to be so obvious of avoiding donghae in the tv or shows.

Hyukjae hates to admit this but he liked it. It's like he misses these moments so much but in fact he's already moving on.... or...... are those feelings coming back again...

His warm and soft touches against his body are endearing. He just loves those affections. He missed how to be loved by someone...

But he didnt want to admit it.... never. it’s too contradictive. his mind says he’s already moved on but his heart told him otherwise. 

He still cant get over what donghae said few days ago....

Day by day passed by, and the promotions are coming to an end...  they did their last music shows on inkigayo. hyukjae went to the rooftop to rest for a lil bit because the members are just too noisy right now.. he didnt feel like to talk too much today. 

"what are you doing here alone hyukjae-ya?" 

"Oh donghae, uhm nothing just sight seeing" he’s startled by his voice

Donghae comes to hyukjae

"Do you have something burdening you?

"No actually i just feel grateful finally we can success this comeback.."

"im proud too for myself and the members too. we’re doing great"

“right” 

they smiled together and felt the wind that breezed for them. and hyukjae got some dust into his eyes

"Aaah my eyes" he tried to rub his eyes but donghae held his hands

"Hyukjae-ya are you okay? Which eyes?"

"Leftt aaaah its stuck"

“dont rub it, i’ll blow it for you”  

Then donghae just blows a little to hyukjae's left eyes while cupping hyukjae's cheek.  hyukjae’s heart is pounding like crazy while he did that

"I-Is it gone?"

"Maybe.." hyukjae tried to open his eyes and he's surprised, donghae was just 5 cm in front of him

Then donghae looks into hyukjae's eyes  and carresses his cheeks softly... hyukjae cant back off and staring into donghae’s eyes also

"I think you're more beautiful in this comeback" while holding his cheek.

"How so? I just feel so usual"

"It's your eyes. Your eye make up is stunning"

"U-uhm thanks"

“this comeback fits you so well”

They still stood like that for a while until donghae leaned in to hyukjae.. and hyukjae automatically closes his eyes... donghae just pressed a soft kiss into hyukjae's left eye...

Then he pulls out and smiles..

"You must be tired today. Lets just go home.." donghae said and grabbed hyukjae's hand to enter the building...

Hyukjae is dazed and cant say a single word... he just follows him to the building in silence... 

One day hyukjae drinks alone again in the usual bar. He just wants to drink because he wont have no schedule tomorrow.. and he talks alone in the bar.

"Im getting confused again. Why did he do that then?"

"If im just a rebound of his broken heart, i swear i would kill him rightaway.. gosh but he's already broken up from long time ago... eish but i doubt he likes me though he's fucking straight"

"he's weird. Or am i? Huh idk"

Hyukjae been blabbering for himself there for a few minutes..

Then such a coincidence happened, there just came donghae and jinu who were hanging out with the others because it's their friends who own this bar.. and donghae just watched hyukjae drunk alone and ran to him quickly. his face shows he’s worried as hell. 

"lee hyukjae.. hey what are you doing here? I thought you slept because you didnt reply me at all. you cant come drinking alone like this. you know you cant support youself enough while drunk. why are you like this?"

"Oh hey cheonsanim is it my death yet? Why there's cheonsa here.. thats so weird" he blabbers and doesnt listen to donghae’s nagging at all

"Hey get yourself together hyukjae-ya" 

"Oh im totally fine! what time is it? I should go practicing. let me go. comeon lets practice!!!"

"There's no practicing schedule for today and it’s almost midnight... lets just go to your dorm"

"No but cheonsanim, there's still liquor left i must finish-"

"Shut up and just lets go home. understand?" donghae’s face becomes all serious suddenly. and hyukjae shuts his mouth and let donghae do what he wants. he’s kinda scared too actually even he’s drunk. 

Donghae just pulled hyukjae from the seat and put his arms into his shoulder and starts walking to the car.. donghae brings him home again... like that day

after the silence for a while, donghae finally softened and his serious face gone

"This reminds me of how you were so drunk back then and you keep sobbing because of me.."

"Back then i really didnt know. Yes im a fool didnt realize your feeling and im a fool too bcs i fell in love too easily with some women. Maybe im just too lonely. But i realized that i actually not lonely this whole time. I have you. Thats a shame of me who didnt realize it. Im just so sorry.."

He said while holding hyukjae's hand. Meanwhile hyukjae is sleeping since donghae starts driving.. he’s always like that after being drunk. he sleeps rightaway. 

"You're becoming more refreshed and stunning. Im so flustered to see you like “ah it turned out im really friend with this beautiful human?" Thats exactly my thoughts for you when u came back"

"then i doubt it myself why would i have that kind of thoughts. I feel like i wanna have you for myself. Your cute face, funny jokes, and even your weird actions. It's like i wanna keep it all for myself. I even got jealous when you acted cute in front of the fans lmao i shouldnt do that but idk myself is just being weird."

"i love those smiles of yours. Your gummy smile. Thats just so pretty. It warms me up. I even think why didnt i realize i live with the prettiest angel for this 20 years." 

donghae still driving while looking at the road.. and he keeps pouring his words...

"Youre really my important person hyukjae. I wont ever erase you from my list. Youre my person... your presence to me is a healing and strength. Without you im nothing. You complete me. You're really my everything. Please just erase those bad memories of us. Just let me fill it again with good memories of us... let me try again.. im hoping i can be your source of sunshine too.. like you give me those warmest smiles every time we met... thats the most amazing feeling ever..."

Then silence...

"I knew you're not sleeping right... im not asking you for anything but i just wanna tell you that... and we're almost arrived"

Hyukjae cant hide again from his so called sleeping,, then he’s awkwardly wakes up and straighten his back... 

"uhm.. uhmm..  thats quiet long speech of yours.... uhmm okay..."

Honestly hyukjae is speechless as hell, he never knew donghae will talk it out and he's basically confessing??? But thats so ambiguous...

"Can i hug you?" Donghae asked before hyukjae opened the car's door

"uhm s-sure"

Then donghae hugs him... donghae's hugs always feels so warm... his big body is covering hyukjae's small body... it’s always been these hugs that he loved the most.

donghae who circling his arm into hyukjae’s neck and hyukjae who hugs donghae’s waist tightly.. its always been like this. their typical hugs from time to time. 

"dont go out alone to drink.. bring me,   so i will take you home"

hyukjae just nods in  his warm embrace.. 

Donghae takes off his arms from hyukjae and presses a soft kiss to hyukjae's forehead...

"Good night.. rest well for today"

 hyukjae is gotta explode. 

He's confused too and doesnt know what to do either. But his mind is a total mess right now so he acts like he's totally not in his right mind too.

his act and his mind are always fighting. it’s not completely going in a one way. it’s totally contradictive!!

hyukjae in his not right mind suddenly leaned in and kissed donghae's cheek quickly. 

He's so red and dying inside, then he just

"g-g-good night too bye bye" he's so flustered and running quick to his room

Donghae who feels hundred times flustered than hyukjae, cant even move a flinch after hyukjae's cute lil kiss. He's smiling like an idiot and messed up his hair. 

"im really going crazy" 

Meanwhile in the other side, hyukjae runs to his room and throws himself to his bed and screams.

"arghhhhhh why did i do that you fool lee hyukjae you fooool"

One day after that lil kiss event, donghae asked hyukjae (as if nothing happened) to a drive. he’s that amazing to act like nothing happened between them. 

"hyukjae, are you free this sunday?"

"Uhm maybe, why?" hyukjae pretends nothing happened too. BUT he’s just pretending. so he just replied casually

"i want to have a drive, wanna come? its no fun if i drive alone"

"u-uhm sure. But where to?"

"Hmmm it's up to you"

"Me ? Ah no, it's you who should decide donghae-ya"

"Finee, then beach? Lets watch sunset. How?"

"Call! Good idea!"

"Okay see you on sunday i'll pick you up"

"Of course"

Hyukjae didnt know why he agreed to his plans lmao he’s too excited to watch sunset. 

"eish what should i do.. that god damn smile wtf i cant even ignore him"

"Nah its okay we're usually like this. Its a usual thing for us to have a drive tgt. We even watch sunrise together every year.. it shouldnt be a bad thing right........ right..... but for now i should try calming my heart more" he’s trying to convince his heart more 

Sunday comes and they really go to the beach....

They have so much fun in the car, they sing and laugh happily in the car.. hyukjae who jokes a lot while donghae who gives his best reactions to it. It's just their  another ordinary days.. but its been so long so they're beyond excited for themselves.

It's winter and they wear warm clothes right now.

"Hyukjae, dont you feel cold of just wearing that coat?"

"Ah this. Hmm maybe i can bare it haha"

"You can wear my padding, i'll wear yours"

"Eish no need. Im fine really"

"Uhm okay then"

They have arrived at the beach and they go to the side of the beach while playing with the water. They had so much fun playing and running for each other.. they're just like kindergartens..

"It's unbelievably cold goshhh maybe you’re true though,  my small body cant bare it haha" hyukjae been shivering for a while and he almost stutters because of the cold wind.

"I told you so.." then donghae stands behind hyukjae and opens his padding to back hug the shivering kid. his padding completely covered him and hyukjae together. Hyukjae is small human being so it fits for them together.

"Ya- what are you doing let me go" hyukjae tried to let go but of course he’s lost. 

"Its cold its better like this right" he tightens his hugs more. 

Hyukjae cant say a single word he's just dazed while feeling the cold air from the sea.

They stayed like that for a while until sunset..

"Beautiful..." finally hyukjae mouthed a word

"Uhm.." donghae hugs him tighter from the back

"We're almost the same height but why i feel you're so tiny" donghae said

"im 3 cm taller you know!! but i admits im a real myeolchi because im not that workout holic like you. and im not the type who builds my body like you. the bulkier type. nah i didnt like it"

"Alright alright  i agree for that"

they enjoy this so much. and maybe hyukjae loves it too much. it feels like the cold air is completely gone because of donghae’s back hugs. it warms him up...

after some moments of the sweet warm sunset, they think of going back. they can freeze if they stay too long. 

"Should we go back?"

"Okay..."

Its time for going back and its time for donghae to let go of his hug.... why hyukjae feels dissappointed all of sudden...

Donghae lets go of the hugs and he pulls hyukjae to face him...

"Hyukjae"

"O-oh why?"

Donghae takes out his hands and carress it softly... then brings it into his lips... donghae just kissed every hyukjae's knuckles one by one..

Donghae turned to face hyukjae and leans in slowly..

Hyukjae stops him by pointing his forehead..

"can i-?”

 he didnt finished his words but suddenly hyukjae said

"kiss me"

Donghae got startled but he smiled softly and leaned in to kiss hyukjae

Donghae moves his hands to cupped hyukjae's cheeks while hyukjae's hands slowly circling donghae's neck.. they kissed slowly and softly.. donghae takes a lead and hyukjae tightens his hands... they never expect this day would come.. they pulled out for few seconds, then hyukjae cant get enough and kiss him again.. they kissed so long but slowly...

then they got losing a breath and plus they cant bare the cold air then hyukjae pulled himself from donghae... his ear got so red and he cant even say a word.

"i-its cold lets go home." hyukjae said and ran  leaving donghae who smiled softly..

They go home with hyukjae who covered himself with his scarf.

Donghae who laughs softly said

"Hey dont cover yourself like that, i cant see your face" he teased

"I dont want to see your face idiot"

Donghae chuckles and takes hyukjae's hand... he pressed a soft kiss to his hand...

"stopppp argghh focus on driving bastard" he pulls out his hand quick

Donghae drives home with a widest smile ever

Arriving at hyukjae's dorm, he packs his things and ready to get out but..

While on the way driving here, the snow falls so hard even donghae drives his car slowly to go here..

"You know, the s-snow is falling so h-hard right"

Then donghae turned his head to hyukjae waiting him to say something

"So...” hyukjae hesitates..

"Eh hem so?" Donghae waits while smiling to him

"Eish stop smiling like a weirdo you bastard"

"Hmmmm So?" donghae teased 

"Y-you can come to dorm until tomorrow morning i-if you want-"

"Of course i will. Lets go" donghae quickly answers and goes inside

Donghae has expected this , no way he would let his best friend fighting the snow falls for himself.

They enter the dorm together.. and it's already almost midnight..

"Kyuhyun is home already maybe he's already sleeping... you can sleep on the sofa or other rooms here okay bye im going to bed" hyukjae was about to go to his room but donghae stops him

"What now?"

Then he gestured his head in hyukjae's room (it's like “i wanna sleep with you” gesture)

"N-no way!"

"Aaah we used to sleep together why cant we"

"Its different! We're grown ups right now!"

"Hnggggggg pplleasseeeee or i will nag at you until morning"

Donghae keeps nagging and nagging so hyukjae just lets him to go to his room

"Fine"

Hyukjae already changed his clothes and brings his clothes for donghae to change also.. then hyukjae goes straight to sleep and doesnt want to wait for donghae who changed his clothes

Donghae who comes back after changing his clothes, climbs up the bed beside hyukjae... hyukjae  sleeps facing the other side and donghae feels dissappointed..

"Face me while sleeping or i cant sleep"

"Its not my business"

"We just kissed why do you treat me like this?" He pouts

"Eishhh sssssshhhh. fine fine. i'll face you lets just sleep"

"Hyukjae ya"

"Hmmm" he already closed his eyes

"I wanna hug you"

"why are you so demanding"

“pleaseeeeee”

“arghhh fine” 

Then donghae hugs him and places hyukjae's head in his chest

"It's cold i must keep you warm" hyukjae stays in his embraces like that without complaining.. he's too sleepy to complain.. 

"Hyukjae ya"

No answer...

Then donghae leans in closer

Hyukjae feels donghae's breath becomes so close and slowly opens his eyes..

Hyukjae stops him again by placing his fingers to his lips..

"lee donghae......." hyukjae loses all his drowsiness.... and his eyes looking at donghae's

"I like you..." donghae said with his softest eyes ever

This. those puppy eyes of his. His soft voice.. his gentle touches. His body's heat that runs into hyukjae's body.... it drives him crazy

 hyukjae never been so speechless.. he's weak.. he doesnt know how to act...

Hyukjae feels his heart about to explode..

"Y-you know.. b-but i dont know... i cant understand my feelings at all.... i-"

"I know.... i know.. i'll wait for you"

"but why?"

"Because it has to be you. I love being with you. I just love it so much. youve heard me before. in the car, i told you everything. it’s just you."

Hyukjae cant say anything and keeps his head down in donghae’s chest... he cant face donghae.... he might explode... he bets his ears are all red... and he feels so damn hot even it's winter...

"Can i kiss you?"

Silence.....

Then hyukjae nods softly..

Donghae slowly moves his hand towards hyukjae's cheek and the other hand pulling his waist closer...they kissed again.. but its more passionate and have more feelings... they didnt feel cold anymore, they are heated by the kiss...

donghae who's now on top of hyukjae and keep kissing him like there's no tomorrow... it's like hyukjae is his property only..

They kissed until they both are out of breath and pulled out from each other.... donghae hugs him again from the side while carressing hyukjae's hair and kissed it for few times.....

"잘자요 hyukjae ya"

"good night.." hyukjae who feels embarrassed to death and he just hides himeself in donghae's chest...

They both stay like that until morning comes.... they embrace each other warmly and they sleep like babies.

Morning comes and hyukjae slowly opens his eyes...

"emhhh.... oh my.." he still doesnt believe it either what he saw...

The first thing he saw is donghae's face beside of him.. he suddenly remembers the kiss.. 

"He already looks so good even he's sleeping, like how.."

"eishh whats wrong with me"

hyukjae tries to come down from the bed slowly because donghae's hand still in his waist.. so he slowly removes it.... afraid to wake him up... when he's about to success for coming down, then a pair of hands slip into his waist tightly and a voice appears next to his ear closely..

"where do you go?" said donghae who just woke up with his hoarse voice. He put his head above hyukjae's shoulder and keep whining

hyukjae almost jumped after hearing it *dammit that hot voice*

He always knew this kind of voice every morning they woke up after sleeping together.. because they did it often back in those old days.. but now, it is not the same,  it's like hyukjae always got heart attack when donghae comes close like this

"maybe take a shower and buy a breakfast..."

"sleep more :(" said donghae lazily in hyukjae's shoulder

"it's almost 9 am... i must go to gym later.."

Then he pouts cutely..

"Let me take you there then..."

"Fine.."

"Lets take a shower together"

"NO eish i can shower alone lemme go" donghae still hugs him tightly from the back

"Lee donghaeee comeonnnnn"

"letsss take a shower together like the old dayss"

"No fuckin waay lemme gooooo" hyukjae tries so hard to let it go and finally succeeding

Donghae just whines and tries to wake up also.

They both already been showering and they will have breakfast together..

After finishing breakfast and stuffs. Donghae drives him to hyukjae's gym.

"Okay then thankyou for dropping me off" said hyukjae awkwardly

"Of course. Dont overwork yourself, rest well after this. Bye bye"

"Sure bye"

"Oh wait." Donghae said

"What is it? Is there something i left in your car?"

"You left this"

Donghae shamelessly pressed a quick kiss in hyukjae's right cheek.

"YA LEE DONGHAE"

"bye bye!" Then he winks and leaves

"Eish im really really going insane"

Day by day passed and donghae keeps being clingy to hyukjae. But extended version, he always kissed him goodbye while parting ways. It can be forehead kiss or cheek kiss. Hyukjae is lied if he doesnt like it. He liked it so much but he didnt show it and always runs away from donghae after that...

"Ah where is the boy who used to cry here bcs of his bestfriend? Is he really opening up his heart again?" Teased leeteuk

"Hyung please"

"Hahahaha you arent bothered at all right by him? I knew you love it"

"No way"

"You cant lie to me hyukjae. You fall for hin again right?"

"But i hate for admitting "that feeling""

"It's been so long hyukjae, it's okay for falling in love again"

"I dont know hyung... but why it has to be him? i just dont know"

few days after, hyukjae who just woke up suddenly gets a call from leeteuk..

"Lee hyukjae it's urgent, donghae is sick and i cant go there bcs i have works. Can you come instead of me? He's been in high fever. im scared he will faint or something"

"Okay hyung i'll go there asap"

Hyukjae is worried as hell and he brings all the medicines from the dorm for donghae.

As he arrived there, he found donghae sleeps on the floor.. and he's freaking out

"Yahh lee donghae, are you okay? Hey, lemme take you to hospital come one wake up"

Hyukjae got so worried and try to lift donghae's body.

"Ehmmmh oh what time is it? Why am i on the floor? And why are you here hyukjae?"

"Leeteuk said youre sick af so i came.. lemme take you to hospital right now. can you stand by yourself?"

"Ah.... im not sick.. i just got hangover and maybe i fall asleep on the floor last night..... im totally fine but a little dizzy"

"what the-”

then he realized 

“Aish leeteuk hyung i'll get revenge on you someday arghhh" then hyukjae stands up and ready to walk out

"Im going home then. Bye im wasting my precious times"

"Aaaah dont go im really dizzy... can you help me please eung?"

"Its ur fault anyway"

"But i always help you after you drunk so many times..."

"Okay t-thats... ugh- fine"

Hyukjae walks to donghae and lifts him up. He helps donghae to get on the bed..

"Okay it's done im going. Eish wasting my time  worrying for nothing"

"Are you worried that much?"

"Bye im going home..."

Donghae pulls hyukjae's hand..

"Can you just stay with me?"

"Why should i?"

"I need your company.."

Donghae pulls a lil harder until hyukjae's body falls on his chest..

Donghae hugs him rightaway so hyukjae cant go...

"Hyukjae-ya.. there’s no a single time i would not think of you.. you know what, when you went to japan, i messed up all of things.. i cant get focused on anything... i just wanted to meet you.."

Hyukjae who still in donghae's chest said carefully

"How can i trust you? I cried so hard that day.. im tired of hurting"

"You know it hurts to see you cry. That day my heart breaks into pieces... i think how much i hate myself... i was so dumb. i knew.. but now i realize how can i live without you.. i cant stay away from you... i wanna hug you so tight and give you every little kisses every day.. i dont know when this started, but i want to make you mine every time i see you..  i wanna protect you and embrace you.. i cant take my eyes off of you"

"Hyukjae-ya look at me" donghae lifts hyukjae's head who leans in his broad chest then he saw hyukjae is crying...

"dont cry sweetheart please dont cry.." donghae carressed his tears away softly..

"I-i think i completely forget you. i convinced myself that i already moved on. i believe i had erased you completely.But i just realized i cant... how can i? i really cant forget you at all... i just keep pretending that i was fine if i keep this feelings alone.. i thought i already threw away my feelings. But you suddenly came to me again with those affections.. how... how can i just forget you easily.. i just cant.... life is so unfair i cant understand"

Donghae suddenly sits and lifts hyukjae easily to sit in his lap.. hyukjae who's still sobbing got flustered by his sudden actions.

"Ssssh dont cry... you know that im the crybaby, it's not you. You shouldnt be crying.. youre not supposed to cry... "

Hyukjae still sobs.. and palmed his face..

Donghae leans in and takes hyukjae's hands from his face slowly

He cupped hyukjae's face and leans in.. donghae's forehead touched hyukjae's completely..

"I love you so much.. can you love me back?"

Hyukjae still sobs but he nods softly..

Donghae smiled softly... this sweetest smile that always stuck in hyukjae’s head

"Say that you love me back" 

Donghae wiped off the tears that keep falling in hyukjae's cheeks..

"i-i like you so much i could die.." he sobs cutely

"good.. and i love you too"

Donghae leans in and kisses hyukjae's watery eyes delicately.. he pressed those little kisses slowly from hyukjae's forehead, eyes, cheeks, nose, and finally his lips...

The way hyukjae's lips melt in donghae's.. he kissed hyukjae passionately... the finally-you-love-me kiss that he always hopes.. not that heartbreaking kiss again, this kiss feels more delicate and warm. donghae moves his body and presses hyukjae down to the bed..

"Do you mind if..."

"just do whatever you want”

“good” 

hyukjae never thought that this day would happen for real.. his shirts and pants are on the floor... his  outfits that he wears prettily today is all on the floor mixed with donghae's.. they both are covered with blanket with donghae's hand for hyukjae's pillow.. hyukjae cant say a single word after all of the things that happened so quick in few hours..

"Say something babe"

"You idiot bastard how can i say something after you marked me like this... we just- arghhh i shouldnt say yes for whatever you will do... ive been tricked."

Donghae turned to sulky hyukjae and kiss hyukjae's shoulder..

"you know i cant resist you.. "

then donghae pulls hyukjae and hugs him close to his broad chest and hyukjae slowly hugs him back..

"stay with me until tomorrow?"

"Of course" hyukjae nods and hugs him tighter

"Dont you feel cold?"

"Nope. You hug me is enough.."

Donghae smiled  softly and hugs him tighter... 

“best day of my life.” donghae kissed hyukjae’s head softly

While hyukjae finally asleeps, donghae quickly messages leeteuk

"Hyung i will appear on your youtube more often!! i promise. Thank you for everything hahaha!"

"Eish this little punk. Happy now? Stop calling me just for crying that you miss him so bad. Ughhh im so tired listening your broken ass.  Dont send me even a single pic of both of you or i'll kill you."

"HAHA i was about to lmaooo bye bye hyung♡"

-end

[we8comic]

i was the anon who sent the eyeroll dream thing and genuinely actually do you have any feelings about like dream and by extension sapnap trying to assert themselves into pop off trio streams

because i’m not gonna lie as much as i love dream and sapnap and yeah the going dark thing was funny, they do have this problem where they show up and get confrontational about not being invited and when they do that shit and put everyone on the spot about “being left out” it’s very weird to me you should just accept they want to have a stream alone right..? i was wondering what you thought about that and whether you think they genuinely feel threatened about being left out

like let george hang out with his other friends maybe i doubt they’d do this if it was quackity and karl with anyone else or even just them alone

also i’m too much of a coward to discuss this on my own main idk if you know who this is but i have a feeling it’s smth you agree with and it’s veryyy nice to see someone calling sapnap and dream out for their occasional annoying and stream ruining behaviour

sorry this is so long!! you also totally don’t have to answer btw lmao i just notice the same frustration sometimes through your liveblogging whenever sapnap and dream crash a stream

anonymous: wait wait to add onto my last ask it was the biggest power move for karl to announce that the sex havers only consists of george karl and quackity and i really felt like that was a hint drop from him, i think jokingly adding that anyone else is “a friend of sex havers” was to lessen the impact but i still enjoy the fact that he asserted (and has been asserting) that their group when they’re together is an exclusive trio

i felt it that time he was like yeah well. we were the original sex havers groupchat and i feel like sapnap and dream kinda wriggled themselves into being included like i hope none of this sounds mean i just really want dream and sapnap to understand it’s okay to not be included in everything

oh MAN do i have feelings 😩 dream and sapnap are almost comically emasculated by any little thing that makes them feel inferior and that includes being excluded from things. and i personally feel they have no right to get angry about being left out and to then show up onto their streams to express that theyre upset in front of an audience of thousands. i say this because the other three ALWAYS mention that they dm'd them and invited them to the activity or otherwise said they had reason to believe dream or sapnap wouldnt be available (and even outside of that, theyre not required to tell the other about every single one of their plans lol)

i think getting confrontational about it on stream in the middle of planned activities is childish. take a look at bad for example, who also isnt a part of the trio but doesnt get confrontational about having been left out. the trio is full of lighthearted people, bad came into the call and they asked him if he wanted to join in the game they were playing and he did and that was it. compare that to dream or sapnap and when they join calls. theyre consistently immediately accusatory. the trio will take it in stride (cus again. an audience of over 100k is watching. its really not the time and place to whine and get mad about feeling left out, those are convos to have in private), theyll throw some facts like "we invited you" "you said you were busy" "we already had this planned for a while" etc., then theyll offer an invitation to join. this invitation is usually met w quite frankly STUPID debate about "well why wasnt i included in the first place" like dude. read the room, youre streamers for a living, talk about these things off stream like an adult. plus they literally already said you could join if you still wanted to, whats the problem, why drag it out for longer than it needs to be. it just stalls the stream and their plans and shifts the lighthearted tone into somethin a little more careful (however briefly it might be, it didnt need to happen)

i LOVE karl for saying that theyre their own group and joking that their attitude is why theyre friends of sex havers. it felt like a lighthearted way to lift the mood again and kinda say "hey, we do our own things sometimes, chill"

i cant speak for whether i think they genuinely feel threatened about being left out cus not only do i not know them personally, theyre also not ccs i focus energy on (thats for quackity and george 😌) i DO think that with all the times theyve brought it up when crashing the trio streams, they should really by this point have talked about it off screen. it feels almost like they use the audience as a safety net to avoid the consequence of intruding/being mean cus whoever theyre talking to has to keep a certain face and therefore cant say certain things (might even hazard a guess that off screen they probably still dont REALLY talk about it)

i dont blame them for wanting to be a part of things their friends are doing but i blame them for the way they express that. it makes the atmosphere tense by making it far too personal for something thats visible to a live public audience.

i know theyre around the same age, but the way dream an sapnap handle conflict on screen IS immature vs the way quackity and karl do. quackity and karl have been entertainers for A WHILE and understand how to stay entertaining and theyre far more aware of their audience and the overall mood and how to handle problems and conflict without things getting too tense. dream and sapnap (sapnap moreso) have a habit of being confrontational and not lightening the mood and instead continuing to be mad, making everyone else in the call responsible for the energy of the stream instead of them themselves dealing with the tenseness theyve caused. it makes things awkward and im always hoping itll end fast and that theyd please for the love of god talk about it off stream

thats worded a little dramatically cus its rarely ever THAT bad, but it would be SO much better if it just didnt happen yknow. if they understood that they dont have to be a part of everything their other friends do AND if they understood that getting mad on stream and stalling their plans and souring the vibe isnt the best way to handle it.

tl;dr: theyre their own group who do their own things and arent required to share their plans w the rest of their friends (and usually they dm in advance anyway asking if they wanna be a part of their plans). dream and sapnap feeling excluded isnt something they should get overly heated about on stream (its an immature way to bring up the issue especially without ever offering a solution). these are problems they should talk about off stream where the trio dont have to be so conscious about their audience and its perception. i love karl and quackity for emphasizing that theyre their own group with their own plans and joking that the way they act is WHY theyre not part of the group. i think they deal w it as well as they can and i think dream and sapnap need to learn just a little more spacial awareness and how to handle conflict

edit: quackity/karl/george should be fully able to have their own stream together without anyone else intruding. dream and sapnap arent their bosses, they dont need to run all their plans by them first. if they want to have streams with just their own established group, they should be able to have that.

[beecherdrysdale]

Hi bbs, we are back for another part of greece:) also if Quinner and Jamie could come real quick, I need cuddlessss

Brigid I’ve been having constant baby fever after our convos so thank you :) like I just want all of that to happen lol.

Kesh- thank you for your your responses I don’t have much to add, but I loved all of it ! Also yes a red sundress would look gorgeous on you:).

Adding onto some thoughts:

- yes yes yes to the new chains. That photo of Quinner shirtless is on my mind constantly and this will be the look in Greece lol, and now we know that he does have a chain that he wears. It’s a silver chain for me, wbu?.

- beanie stealing will ofc happen. Like softest look ever esp with Jamie.

Now adding onto more thoughts hehe:

-yes to all of these soft moments. Like freckle tracing is just so cuteeeee. and ofc play w his hair cuz it is amazing. I ofc am honorary photo taker of Brigids cute moments with Jamie so lots of photos will be provided.

-hmmmm what if I want too..... like Jamie is down to makeout anywhere lol.

- hehe I’m still laughing, Jamie paying cozzy to sit with you. Hehe cozzy and devon are just vv chill and no action will be happening with them. Just a very quiet flight for those two. Kesh and Kirby are just not available to deal with us yet lol.

- hehe yes dyl better buy you food after the flight bc he’s heavyyyyyy. like I said before Jamie just gives ofc the biggest makeout vibes so ofc you gotta do it on the plane. hehe you gotta make sure that dyl, me, Quinner and Ryan are all occupied so we don’t see that. If dyl does see he’d be like no no no I can’t handle this right now. ‘Ummm Brigid maybe we shouldn’t bother bowen’ so Jamie keeps you calm. Which I love bc it’s so cute how you two help each other.

-hehe why do I see Peyton accidentally hitting dyl in the head while trying to give you a snack and we all quietly laugh bc Dylan’s still passed out and that it was a pretty hard throw.

-hehe yes. Like how is that possible to drink that much coffee and still sleep. Like he passes out 5 mins after take off. Okkk can I just say that I love rope bracelets so Quinner wearing one is just necessary. awww Brigid this made me melt, him pretending to sleep bc he’s enjoying it sm 🥺. hehe yes Quinner saved you with this one brigid bc I fidget a lottttt. ‘Lexi I swear if you kick my chair one more time’ ‘sorry brigid I’ll do something’ and I’m like what does that mean?.

I think we all want to see me slap Ryan awake. And he’s wake up so startled hehe. Yessss clear hair, pretty hair = happy life lol.

First night in Greece:

- I see you brigid, going after but we both know you two are loudddddd hehe. Ok so I see Ryan starting the tag and him tagging Braden and then Braden tags me and we all just start running around. All of us are looking for you and Jamie but we notice that we can’t find you until we notice Jamie’s shirt on the floor. So we all just run away ‘here we go again guys’ ‘hey Peyton I dare you to walk in’ absolutely not does it look like I wanna see that’ ‘guys let’s just give them so privacy’.

- aw a slumber party would just be so fun. ‘I’m sorry what’s the point of hydrating your face lexi?’ ‘ what does that even mean. Wait I’m sorry do you not use moisturizer Ryan?’ all of us just watching movies and bonding. Also pillow fightttttt! It would become very intense.

- ok we must have a girls day in Greece. and yes we have moneyyyyyyy. ‘Wait has anybody seen Brigid?’ ‘Hmm no I haven’t’ and they all just start looking for us and we come back and are like seriously you guys?.

-everybody looks so hot in water so moments will be happening. ya Ryan try us.

Next day:

- Brigid I’m with you here I’m like constantly hungry lol. So we’d just eat a mountain of food. Ooo yess we need some energy after our eventful nights😏.

- ok cliff diving is so fun. hehe Jamie looking terrified but you just grab him and jump. the hype up would involve a lot of slapping imao. haha ok if you’re not marco the entire time. I think I’ll go w dyl bc I wanna bond with him lol. The boys need your help bc swimming is hard. And then Jamie can piggy back you out of the water. And cuddle with you on the beach.

- awww I love this, holding hands while scuba diving. hehe yes I wow you all with my not forgotten guitar skills. ‘Please dyl can I try’ ‘no I’m scared you’re gonna drop my guitar in the water’ ‘I promise I won’t’. Lol this was random. actually a song i know how to play on guitar is Our last summer from mamma mia so we can all sing that :). I love cuddling our bbs on the boat.

- awww I love Jamie finding your wallpaper and him asking that in the most soft voice ever 🥺. And ofc some kisses will be exchanged. vv cute moment all together.

- we’d have the most chaotic moments at night while we are tipsy lol. Like some would try to race up the stairs and fall. Some dare each other to jump over stuff.

-so after dinner we just encounter a live band and see some people dancing and it’s pretty out with lights everywhere. ‘Hey bb wanna dance with me?’ And ofc you agree so you two take off to dance. Aww you tucking you me face into his chest🥺 and he just tightens his grip on your waist. Kesh and Kirby are #couplegoals they are the best dancers out there. hehe ofc Quinner is slow, but then he realizes that he wants to dance like that as well so he asks me to dance and we have a cute dance as well.

Next dayyy:

Hehe yes me and Ryan falling I feel like would be vv funny. It’s just all very sudden. imao you’re a hockey player it’s in your job description.

The chirps that would be happening ‘ hey brigid seems like you had an eventful night and he looks at your small hickey’ ‘ I saw a girl come out of your room this morning Cole. What are you doing trying to go through every girl in Mykonos by the time we leave’

‘I think by the time we leave there won’t be any more girls left.’ -Lexi.

Haha I would (no offence) totally abandon you to go play tennis with a pro. aww thank you for taking the photos. Lol everybody would just be confused on where I went for the afternoon.

Next day: I honestly think that for our final days of Greece we should just all be on the beach lol bc that is mostly what you can do there. Like all of us just bonding, playing volleyball, riding on jet skis, tanning, getting tipsy lol.

So now it’s travel day so we all head to the airport, chaotic as usual. And we are ready to board our flight to the beautiful ITALY 🇮🇹.

Get ready.

Sorry if this was kinda bad.

Enjoyyyyy

‘uhehe ok i’m finally responding, welcome to the last part of greece:) once again a longgggg post

okkk so before we start discussing the trip a couple random things:

yesss ik this was from a couple days ago when lexi and i both really needed cuddles but i’m always down for jamie cuddles, so quinner and jamie better come cuddle us real quick (also kirby better come for kesh)

haha sameeee i’m having such bb fever, i just want a bb jamie🥺

yes kesh ty for your responses i love them :) also you would look so cute in a red sundress

okkk adding on to random thoughts:

yesssss to chains, like that’s so hot. i love the quinner pic with the chain that we found lol. haha same silver chains>>>gold chains

awwww yes i love beanie stealing, it just seems so soft to me that you want to wear their clothes bc it reminds you of them🥺 and also bc it’s comfy lol

adding on to more thoughts lol:

awww yes freckle tracing is so soft, i love it🥰 and i just want to play with his hair, which is somehow amazing even tho he probably uses a 3-in-1. tyyy lexi for being our photo taker lol, i need you to send me the pics so i can put them as my wallpaper

lmaooo why do you feel the need to drag me and jamie into our discussion about you and quinner? it’s ok tho, this is true jamie and i are down to make out anywhere lol. we’ll find somewhere semi-private tho lol bc it’s kind of weird if you’re just making out in the middle of the airport

lmaooo i love that jamie’s literally paying $50 just to sit with me, like that’s kind of a lot of money lol. but then devon and cozzy are just chilling on the flight and just sleeping for most of it so their row is vv quiet. and kesh and kirby are just not at all ready to deal with our chaos this early in the morning lol

yes dylan you better buy me food, i’m hungry af and you’re heavy so i deserve it. hehe yes jamie and i have a little makeout sesh while dyl is asleep bc we know dyl would freak out if he saw lmao. but at this point idc if you and ryan see bc you’ll find a way to chirp us no matter what lmao. ‘ummm brigid let’s let bo sleep’ so he has to grab my hand or put his hand on my leg to stop my fidgeting🥺

lmaoooo dyl getting hit in the head with one of the snacks that was meant for me bc apparently peyton can’t aim. but somehow dyl doesn’t wake up lol

okkk yes quinner is somehow asleep 5 minutes after the plane takes off so lexi starts playing with his hair and his rope bracelet. and then quinner pretends he’s still asleep bc it feels good🥺 but thankfully he wakes up to stop you from fidgeting bc or else i’d end up punching you lmao

hehe yes ryan might get annoyed by you slapping him but it’s fine. and we’ll all be living our best life in greece lol

first nightttttt:

lmao noooo jamie and i are not that loud. hehe yep you guys just start a game of tag and just start sprinting around the hotel. hehe you come to my and jamie’s room looking to tag one of us and then you see jamie’s shirt on the floor and it’s just ‘hey peyton i dare you to go in and tag one of them’ ‘absolutely fucking not i don’t want to say that’ and then kesh is like ‘all right, let’s just give them privacy’ lmaooo

yessss a slumber party!! ‘what’s hydrating your face? like what does that even mean?’ ‘ummm do you not use moisturizer ryan? how is your face not completely dry?’ hehe yes we would watch a bunch of movies and stuff, but then we would have an epic pillow fight and i would be beating everyone up lmao

hehe yessss girls day in greece! and we have money so we can buy whatever we want

lmaoooo everyone looking for jamie and i and peyton finds us ‘ahhhh my eyes!!’ ‘seriously guys? again?’ hehe we would all be having hot water moments tho

next day:

haha we eat like the entire breakfast buffet at the hotel bc there are so many of us and everyone else at the restaurant is just like where’d the food go? hehe we need it for sustenance tho to make up for all the calories we burned😏

hehe yeah cliff diving is so fun, i have to pull jamie in with me before he backs out bc he’s scared lol. lmaoooo you and ryan and quinner have the best hype up before you jump. and then once everyone’s in we’re playing marco polo and i’m just destroying bc im good at swimming lol. haha then we have to send you and dyl to find the way back up while i help the boys swim lol. awww yes i love jamie piggybacking me out of the water and then cuddling with me on the beach🥰

awwww yes hand holding while scuba diving is the cutest. and then while we’re on the boat you can resuscitate your guitar skills for us ‘pleaseeee dyl i want to try’ ‘no you’re gonna drop it in’ ‘nooo i promise i won’t, just let me try please?’ so then he does and you wow us with your skills and we all sing along. and we’re just cuddling our bbs on the boat🥺

yesssss omg jamie just going to do something on my phone and then he sees i change my wallpaper and in the softest voice ‘i’m your wallpaper?’🥺🥰 and i’m like ‘yeah is that ok?’ and he’s just like ‘ofc’ and then soft kisses

lmaoooo yes we’re the most chaotic people ever when we’re tipsy. lol we’re all racing each other and daring each other to do stuff 

awwww yes we see a live band so jamie asks me to dance ‘hey bb, come dance with me?’ in the softest voice, and ofc i say yes and i tuck my face in his chest while we dance🥺 and he just pulls me closer. and then kirby and kesh are somehow just amazing at dancing and perfectly in sync bc they’re like the perfect couple sooo. and quinner is just a bit slow on the uptake, but then he eventually asks you to dance and then you guys just have a cute slow dance and you’re playing with the little baby hairs at the back of his head if you know what i’m talking about

next dayyyyyyy:

lmaooo you and ryan falling down the stairs would be so funny, like one minute you’re walking and the next you’re just tumbling down the stairs. ‘you’re a hockey player it’s in your job description’ love that lol

lol the chirps that are happening ‘hey brigid and jamie looks like you had an eventful night’ ‘shut uppp cole, i saw another girl coming out of your room this morning? what, are you trying to get through every girl in mykonos before we leave?’ lexi: ‘i think by the time we leave there aren’t gonna be any girls left’ 

hehe yes lexi dips to go play tennis with the pros, but kesh and i come find you and we take photos for you

rest of the days:

we’re on the beach alllll the time, doing whatever, like volleyball, jet skis, tanning, just swimming, etc. and ofc getting tipsy

hehe our travel day is soooo chaotic again, but we somehow get our flight on time to go to italy

overall, i love all of this, it was amazing

[hms-chill]

The Chaos Before the Storm

@teresalisbon asked for “a RWRB AU where they didn't have that first kiss but they're still friends and what leaks this time is like a private convo between Henry and pez where he manages to both insult and say he's in love with alex and... it goes from there”, and I hope this is everything you wanted! 

If you’re not sold by that, my working title for this was “Alex’s Bi Awakening: Speed-Run Edition”

Just a quick heads up that there is homophobia from Henry’s gran in here, and a reference to using alcohol to cope with that. Stay safe y’all.

-

There are some moments in history that people say they'll never forget. They'll know exactly where they were when they heard the news, know exactly what they were doing and remember it for the rest of their lives. Alex has always been a bit skeptical of that; high school psych taught them about the formation of memories and how easily they can change, and they looked at studies of people confidently claiming two different stories about where they were on 9/11. But he knows that, for the rest of his existence on planet earth, he will remember this day shot by shot, exactly as it happens.

He's on a couch with Nora and June, watching old episodes of Parks and Rec and trying to relax for once when Zahra slams open the door.

"Alexander Gabriel, what did you do?" There's a laptop in her hand, and she slams it on the coffee table in front of them moments after Alex snatches his coffee. June barely has time to pause the TV before Henry's voice is coming out of the laptop speakers, and Alex feels a familiar warmth spread through him before the dread kicks in. This isn't Press Henry, this is a private version of Henry. It's a Henry that should never, ever, be playing from a major news website, but Zahra is playing it from the Mail's homepage nonetheless.

"He just drives me up the fucking wall. I mean, he’s so impulsive all the time; he doesn’t even stop to consider that maybe not all of us can just flaunt everything we are to the world. Maybe, just maybe, some of us have families who won’t support us, and if he could understand that... he’s just so bloody thick, and I hate it so much sometimes. Beside that, he just... he doesn’t listen, or pick up on things; he’s so... you know how Mark Hamill didn't know that Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford were sleeping together when they were filming A New Hope, so he'd just show up for breakfast to hang out? He's like that. He's so confident and sure of himself, but he misses so many things, and I'm trying so hard, but he... I just don’t understand how he can be so... so much, and so himself all the time, especially when everyone’s watching him. I mean, you can do it, but you... you’re only in the public eye because of me.”

“Careful, Babes. I’m more than just your arm candy and attention sponge.” It's Pez's voice, and that makes it worse somehow. Henry is talking to one of the two people who have always been on his side, and it's available for anyone on the planet to listen to.

“You’re also not the son of the president of a global powerhouse.”

“If he makes you so upset, you could just stop seeing him.”

“This is a ‘mope about being in love with an idiot’ session; I don’t actually want you to tell me things. I can’t stop seeing him and we both know it. I’m... I fell too hard, Pez. It was that blasted day in Rio; I was just trying to get through and then he waltzes in, all sunlight and warmth, and he never stopped being that way. Never even gave me a chance to save myself. He’s just all this love and coziness and sunlight, and I’m just a bloody Icarus, I can’t... I’m going to burn myself up just to be near him.“

“Okay, Mister, I think that’s enough of this.” There’s a rustling sound, and a few feeble protests from Henry before he lapses back into singing Alex’s praises.

"He's just... his hair is so nice, and he doesn't care, and he's... he's not scared. I'm so scared all the time, but he's not. He's tough and brave."

"So are you, Hen." There are more sounds of movement, and the voices start moving away. Pez must have gotten Henry up.

"Not as brave as him. He's... he's just himself in front of everyone."

Zahra closes the laptop, turning to Alex. "It cuts off there. This leaked from Buckingham ten minutes ago; we're not sure how or why it happened. But so help me, if you are seeing the prince of Wales, we need to know yesterday."

"I'm... If I'm what? If I'm... no. No, Henry and I are... we're friends. I'm straight. And maybe sometimes I think about how his hair looks really soft and his lips look nice and he looks good in a suit but that’s, like, objective stuff. And one time he spoke French and I couldn't get my brain to work for like two minutes, but that's just because it's impressive when someone knows multiple languages. And yeah, maybe I haven’t been interested in dating since we started hanging out, but we’ve been busy. And maybe he’s the first person I’ve met in years that I can’t imagine a life without, and sometimes I think about how much I miss him when I can't sleep because one time we shared a hotel bed because we were drunk and it was really, really nice, but that’s just like... friend stuff. I mean, yeah, maybe last time we were at the lake house he had his shirt off and I thought about it for like two weeks after, but — oh my god, am I bi?”

Nora’s buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with laughter. Near the door, Amy’s face sinks into her hand, and June heaves a long-suffering sigh.

“Jesus Christ, Alex. You used to sneak into my room to leave greasy little fingerprints all over a picture of him; how are you so smart and yet still this stupid?”

"But I... if I was... shit, I'm... I'm not seeing him, but maybe I want to? Fuck, Z, how is he?"

“Buckingham’s shut down; they’re not talking to anyone. We’re calling every five minutes, but it’s radio silence.”

“I’ll— can I text him? That should be okay, right?”

“You can try. This... we were planning to issue a statement saying the two of you are just good friends, but maybe you should talk to him first. I’ll... your mom doesn't know yet; she's in a secure meeting, but I'm sure we’ll back your play, Alex.”

“I need... I need to talk to Henry.” Henry who he’s been drawn to for years. Henry who’s seen all his weird gross parts and apparently loves him anyway. Henry who just got outed on a major level. Alex isn’t mentioned by name on the recording; lots of important people were in Rio that day. They could claim it’s not about him, and that could be it, but Henry’s stuck. It is undeniably him, and it is undeniably gay.

So Alex texts him. And when he doesn’t answer, he calls. And when that doesn’t go through, he calls again, then calls Bea. And, god bless her, she answers the phone.

“How is he?”

“Alex, I need—“

“Is Henry okay? I need to talk to him.”

“You and the rest of the bloody world.”

“How is he? Is he... what happened?”

“We think a big came in on a bottle of brandy. Gran is furious; we’re not meant to be speaking to anyone outside until he's... until she’s sent him on a date. She’s trying to get one lined up now. I'm... I'm trying to get one of my friends to go, so at least he'll know the girl, but...”

“How is he?”

“He... he’s not good, Alex. He’s... it’s not been good here. Pez was by but they wouldn’t let him in, but they let bloody Phillip come down. Mum stopped by, but she hasn’t been good for much of anything since Dad died. It... I’m just trying to keep him from getting absolutely sloshed or panicking too much. It's... it's mostly crisis management, if I’m honest.”

“Can I talk to him?”

Bea sighs, then says, “Let me ask him. He’s... I think he’s scared to talk to you, Love.”

“I... I understand. I’m not mad, or... or anything. We just... we need to talk. I... I’ll come there. It’ll take ages, but if it’ll help, I... I’ll come to y’all and talk to him face to face.” Alex looks around to see if anyone is going to tell him that won’t work, but he’s alone except for June, stretched out on the couch and trying not to listen. He's not sure when Zahra and the others left, but he's suddenly glad.

“I’ll... I’ll ask him. Give me a moment.”

There’s a bit of white noise, then Alex can hear Bea quietly asking Henry something. He can’t hear the response, but what he can hear of Henry’s voice breaks his heart. It’s shaky, but beyond that it just sounds flat, defeated. All the life, all the beautiful honest bits that make it Henry’s voice, have gone out of it. Alex can picture him, huddled in a couch corner in one of Buckingham’s impersonal rooms full of dead people’s furniture, and it’s awful. Bea says something else, then she’s back, quietly.

“Now’s... he’s not quite up to it. I’m sorry; it’s... it’s been a long few hours, and he...”

“I get it. I know. Just... I hope he’s okay. Tell him that? That I... I’m on his side, and whatever Catholic is left in me is praying to any saint who might be willing to help us out? And when... when he does feel up to it, if he could call me, I... I’d like that. Thank you, Bea.”

“Of course. I... we’ll be thinking about you, too. And whatever Gran says, I’m not going to let them cut you and Pez out of things. You’re just as much a part of this as anyone.”

“Thank you. I'm... I'm glad he has you to love him and fight for him. You’re a gift, Bea, you really are.”

“So are you, you know. I... if he had to give this much of himself to anyone, I’m glad it was you.”

Alex manages a thank you and a goodbye past the sudden lump in his throat, then hangs up and turns to June.

“Uh, Bug? If... if I fly to England right now to try to sort this out, that’s stupid, right?”

“Supremely. I’ll ask if Amy or Cash are free to go with you, and I’ll see if Zahra can get you a hotel in case they won’t let you into Buckingham. Pack for at least three days, and bring your navy suit, the one you wore when Mom got elected. Pack those X-Wing cufflinks if you feel like they’re lucky, silver tie clip, dark gray tie and shoes in case you're meeting the queen. You’ll want a book for the flight, and I’ll get some snacks from the kitchen, then I’ll... I’ll hold down the fort here. Nora and Mom and I will figure out something to say to distract the press from this for as long as we can. We’ll start fostering a litter of kittens or something; the press loves a cute photo op, and we should raise awareness for shelter pets anyway.”

“You’re the best, Bug, I mean it.”

“Oh, and uh, Nora and I... we got you something. I’ll bring it with the snacks.”

She shoos him into his room to pack, and she's back a few minutes later with a bag of snacks and a little pin. It's a lapel pin with two flags, and for a second, Alex assumes it's got the British and American flags, a final component to his just-in-case-you-meet-the-queen look. But then he looks closely, and it’s an American flag and a bi pride flag. He's surprised to realize he's a little choked up.

“Nora's already started trying to find out where the leak came from, but, uh, we love you a lot, and we wanted you to know that as soon as you wanted to tell us.”

“How long have y’all known?”

“Honestly? I knew something was up when I found those fingerprints on Henry’s picture in that magazine. I... I left my door open and didn't throw it out or move it so you could keep going back and tell me whenever you were ready. Nora knew pretty early too; definitely before you and Liam got together. We got this once you and Nora broke up though. And... and a few more. We got like three different flags so we’d be ready no matter what.”

“Before me and Liam... fuck, did I date Liam? Was that a relationship?”

“Alex, I love you so much and I genuinely think you’re brilliant, but sometimes I wonder if your brain is in your head.”

“But we... shit. Shit; I should call him.”

“And do what, Alex? What in the world would calling him do?”

“I don’t know; I could apologize? Catch up?”

“You’re about to fly across an ocean to get yourself a royal boyfriend. Calling your accidental high school ex to 'catch up' can wait.”

“You’re right. Did... did Mom and Z say I can go?”

“They did. I think Z’s going with you, and so’s Cash. They’re prepping a plane now.”

“Thanks, Bug. You... you’re the best.”

“You have everything you need?”

“I think so? Pajamas, clothes, that suit you said, shoes, chargers and adapters...”

“You bring a book?”

“A couple. And hot Cheetos, because Pez likes those but they don’t have them. And a chocolate orange for Henry, because he likes those, and those weird new Oreos, because tradition. It’s good luck to bring them weird Oreos, and they’re always curious about the weird new flavor, even if half of them are shit.”

“It’s going to be fine. We love you, okay? No matter what happens, we love you.”

“I know. I’m not worried about me, I’m... it’s him I’m worried about. His grandma’s already setting up a fake date for him, and he’s all alone in that big palace full of dead people’s shit. And he... it’s just him and Bea against everyone, and I’m scared. I know I've got you and mom and everyone here on my side, but he's... I just... even if it all goes to shit for us, I want him to be okay.”

“And here I thought he was the Prince Charming of the relationship. Go get him, Alex. We’re rooting for you.” She hugs him, and he hugs her back. She beams at him as she pulls away. "This is so Austen; he’ll love it. Very ‘Tilney-going-after-Catherine’ at the end of Northanger. Send Bea and Pez my love, alright? And tell Henry we're all rooting for him here.”

“Of course.”

She’s got another hug for him, then they’re downstairs, and he’s hugging his mom and Nora and climbing in a car with Zahra and Cash. He calls Bea again from the air, and it sounds like Henry’s the closest to sleep he’s going to get. His date is set for the next day, and Bea knows the details. With that, they start to formulate a plan.

The next day, Alex is at the English Rose Café and Tea Shop at 9:48 AM. He’s in a hat, and he sits at an outdoor table with his back to the street. He gets a double espresso, because it’s been a hell of a last 24 hours. Cash is somewhere being inconspicuous, and Alex isn’t sure where exactly that is, but he can feel the support radiating off him.

At 9:52, Pez walks into the shop and sits down near one of the windows. He waves to Alex, and Alex nods, smiling a bit. Bea arrives at 9:56 and joins Pez. Alex’s leg is bouncing under the table. He doesn’t order another coffee, even if he wants to, because any more energy in his system would almost certainly be a disaster.

At 9:58, a very pretty girl sits down at a table near Alex. She smiles at him, he smiles back. He drops a napkin, they both bend to get it, and he hands her a note. She nods.

At 10:01, Alex sees a car pull up behind them in the reflection in the shop’s big front windows. The person who steps out barely looks like Henry. He moves robotically to sit across from the girl, and when he sits, Alex can see the bloodshot eyes, the shaking hands. He’s trying so hard to play the part he’s supposed to play, but he just looks miserable.

He can barely meet the girl’s eyes. The car leaves, but the photographer it drops off is anything but subtle. The girl pushes her hair back and orders for both of them. Henry just nods. The camera clicks.

Then there’s Cash’s voice, asking for directions in the Spanish he’s picked up from the Diaz family. Alex glances over, and the photographer is distracted.

The girl at Henry’s table excuses herself to go to the bathroom. Alex waits a second, then slides over to sit in front of Henry. For a second, he doesn’t react, so Alex reaches over to take one of the shaking hands in his own. Henry starts.

“Alex? What... you can’t be here. This... you can’t...”

“It’s okay. It’s... we need to talk, but just... I’m... fuck, I thought this would be easier to say. I want... if you want to date I’d be down for that. But also I really like being friends. But also, if you wanted to do more than that, I... I’ve maybe very suddenly realized I’ve had a crush on you since I was twelve. I can see Bea’s friend coming, but this is the address for the hotel where I’m staying. She’s going to suggest a walk after this, and if... if you want to talk, I’ll be there. I’m in your corner no matter what, though. Nora and June and everyone back home is, too. You’re the bravest person I know, and I love you.”

Alex is back in his seat before Henry has time to respond, leaving the hotel’s business card on the table. Bea’s friend comes to sit across from Henry, Cash breaks off his conversation with the photographer, and Alex pays for his coffee inside. He stops at Bea and Pez’s table to fill them in, then goes back to his hotel.

He gets there at 10:14. Cash appears by his side at 10:15. Zahra is down from her room at 10:28 to let them know that Buckingham’s official plan is to publish the pictures of the date and act like nothing incriminating was leaked.

At 10:33, Henry and Bea’s friend round the corner. She has an arm around his waist, but it looks more like she’s supporting him than anything else. She asks him something, and he nods. She starts toward them, waving a bit, and Alex is moving almost before he’s aware of it. He meets them half a block from the hotel, wrapping an arm around Henry, too. Bea’s friend shoots him a little smile. Henry is shaking like a leaf, but he gets an arm over Alex’s shoulder nonetheless.

At the hotel, they say goodbye to Bea’s friend, and Alex leads the way to the elevator. He can feel his heart racing, but he’s doing everything he can to stay calm. This isn’t his moment to panic.

The minute the hotel door closes behind them, Alex hugs Henry with everything in him. He can feel the tension in Henry’s body, and he’s been seeing the exhaustion all day, and he wants nothing more than to get rid of all of it. He wants to squeeze the sadness and the anxiety and all the bad things out. But Henry’s still shaking, and he doesn’t move to hug Alex back. After a minute, Alex pulls away and Henry says, “I... I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t... I didn’t... I...”

“Hen? It’s okay. Let’s... let’s sit down.” He has no idea if this is the right thing to do, but he sits on the couch, pulling Henry down with him.

“I’m sorry. I... that shouldn’t... this shouldn’t have happened. None of this should have happened, and you never should have gotten pulled into this, and you have every right to be mad and never speak to me again and I... I’m sorry.”

“What? I’m... I'm not mad. Don’t apologize. I... I’m... I think maybe I have a crush on you, too. It... no, I don’t think. I know I have a thing for you. Sorry; it’s... with time zones and everything, I think it’s been just a little over a day since I realized I was bi, so it’s... it’s an adjustment.”

Henry lets out a bit of a laugh at that, and though it’s miles from what his laugh should be, it’s better than the panic or tears. It's miles better than the numbness he's seen all day.

“That doesn’t change things, though. I mean, I’m into you, but me being bi doesn’t change anything. This whole thing doesn’t have to change anything; if you want to we can just... we can ignore it and go back to being friends.”

Henry shakes his head, and Alex feels a bit of a thrill. “I... I don’t... no. Don’t ignore it. I... if you want to, it... I don’t know if I can, or if I’ll be allowed, but I want... I want to try. With you.”

“Me, too. I really, really want to try with you.”

Henry sniffles a bit, and Alex wraps him in another hug. He buries his face in Alex’s shoulder, and Alex realizes he’s mostly stopped shaking.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay, I promise. I’ll make sure.”

“Sorry. I... I might need you to tell me all this again later; I'll think I made it up. I... I’m... I’m a little drunk. I can’t do it sober.”

“Can’t do what?”

“These... these dates. I can’t do them sober anymore, and Bea tried to help today, but she left earlier than me and it...” He trails off with a miserable hiccup.

“Oh, Hen. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry they’re doing this to you; it’s not right. It’s... I’m going to fight your grandma and bring you home with me. And then my family are going to love you to pieces, like they already do, and things will be okay.”

Henry lets out a watery laugh as Alex’s phone buzzes. It’s Bea, so he pets Henry’s hair (which is exactly as soft as he used to imagine) and answers, filling her in and letting her know it’s okay to come up. So she and Pez do, and by the time they’re there, Henry is snoring softly with his face in Alex’s shoulder. Bea just smiles and tells them that Henry hasn’t slept since the leak yesterday morning as she drapes a blanket over him. Pez digs through Alex’s bag to unearth a packet of root beer float Oreos, and he and Bea settle around the coffee table to try them.

They facetime the White House to fill everyone in, and though Alex knows they’ve got a fight coming, he’s strangely calm. Henry is safe, and whatever comes next, they have each other and a family to walk through it with.

On AO3

Notes:

Fun fact; Mark Hamill was "too busy being young and pretty" to notice that Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford were sleeping together/ that he was aggressively cockblocking them on at least one occasion. What an icon. Also, re: June's Northanger reference, Tilney is the Rich Bachelor of the book. His father thinks that Catherine, the hero, isn't good enough for their family and makes her leave their house in a really disgusting show of rudeness and spite. Tilney chases her down and proposes to her anyway, and it's way more romantic and self-sacrificing than anything Fitzwilliam ever did imo. - After this fic, I like to think that Alex, Zahra, and Cash took Henry straight to the airport and back to DC, where he cuddled with the litter of kittens June and Nora picked up and Bea and Pez fought the queen for a while so he could have a break.

[arschbiene]

regarding that last post, Ik ppl aren't comfortable speaking out against their abusers and stuff but part of me does sometimes wish that info was made more public,especially if its more serious accusations of manipulation and abuse. I dont participate in discord servers and really only personally interract w very few smaller creators but if the section of the fandom im in harbors abusive and manipulative ppl i just idk would rly love to know. I hope what Im trying to say gets across right

Hi anon, 

I definitely get where you’re coming from, but exposing people is a really messy thing to do, especially if you are only aware of the situation secondhand.  Also reckless name and shaming doesn’t take into account people’s personal struggles, the fact that some of us are young and growing and will develop and then grow out of toxic behaviors. It really should be reserved for serious cases with well documented cases of fuckery like Nox. Like I said things have gotten better in the last two years. I’m personally way more comfortable than I used to be. I think rather than naming names, i can instead just quickly outline some specific online behavior that I personally consider warning signs

Artists/Ficcers Online: 

+ Public Dickery: Any sort of consistent and unjustified cruel/mean/rude/asshole/explosive comments towards their audience. People with Edgy “You guys are fucking stupid” personas usually carry that behavior into their private lives. There used to be a 2P blog that was notorious for this. I’m also wary of people who constantly gripe about note count and seem a bit popularity obsessed. Also beware of people who seem to  c o n s t a n t ly be fighting with someone and are always talking some drama on their blog.

+ Excessive Discourse: Using their blog audience as white knights/Social Insurance for petty disagreements with other fandom members that could’ve been settled/resolved in respectful privacy.  I.E: Reblogging or screenshoting arguments on their blog instead of DMing. The moment behavior like that happens, to me it’s a power move. You can’t have a safe or fair convo with someone if they have 7,000 followers and you have 200.  Also god, if an artist is making fun of or attacking someone’s art or fic on their blog, that’s an instant unfollow. Fuck that.

+Gate-Keeping: Tied into the above, I always kinda side-eye anyone who go on campaigns against dissenting opinions or different head canons. Especially if it feels oddly defensive, angry  or emotional.

Discord Communities

+Tree-Housing: The moment a public discord starts to become a Semi-Private or a Private community is a red flag to me, especially if the environment turns into a gossip-y situation or if it is specifically becoming some sort of retreat or Clubhouse for the Mods. While I very firmly stand behind the idea that People Talk and there’s no harm in it, there’s a big difference between harmless gossip and uh obsessive bashing sessions. If you are in a discord with more than 10 people who are not long term friends, then it is not a private discord for you and everyone in it to be talking shit. I have seen so many really nasty discord screenshots in the last two years from so many different folk, let me tell you. Also if you’re in a discord and the goal of most rooms seem to just be to attack and demean and rip apart “competing” artists/ficcers in the community, then to me that’s toxic.  No one deserves targeted harassment. Not even that Ask-Blog you think is cringe. There are levels of talking about people and their works and if it’s straight up hateful, then idk why you’d want to be in that sort of company. If they’re doing it to other people, they’re probably doing it to your shit too. 

+Long Live the King:  Don’t support discord servers where Mods+ their friends are treated like infallible Gods, be aware of power-tripping or when dynamics between the chat are getting stressful/harsh/toxic.  A revolving door of Staff + Members is not a good sign. If people disappear or are blocked without full transparency, then that’s a red flag to me. If you feel afraid or uncomfortable around someone in position of power in a discord, then don’t stick around. Also in general, don’t let A N Y O N E talk nasty to you in a discord, no matter what is going on, you deserve civility and always stand up for those who are being mistreated when you can.

+Dog-Piling: Discords where conversations turn tense or abusive very quickly with multiple members swarming someone on something innocuous and making tons of bad faith accusations over say a ship or an idea with little mod intervention, or worse, mod support, is usually a bad time for everyone.

I’m probably forgetting a billion things that are redflags for me but I hope this helps anyone reading navigate situations where they felt uncomfortable but didn’t quite know why.

[angelaiswriting]

Children (3 of 4) | Michael Gray x reader

[original picture: probably pixabay but i honestly forgot]

✏️ Pairing: Michael Gray x wife!reader

✏️ Summary: Michael and his wife have been invited to Polly’s for a family dinner and have a bomb to drop: they’re expecting their fifth child. (Requested by Anonymous)

✏️ A/N: the prompt I was given was “Could you stop getting her pregnant? Or I’m going to have to get a bigger table for family dinner”. I tweaked it a little to fit the conversation, hope you don’t mind. I’m posting this earlier than my usual posting time because I might have to go visit my aunt soon.

✏️ IMPORTANT NOTE: do NOT send me spoilers about season 5, and do NOT strike up a convo about S5 with me bc only God knows when it’ll be availabe in Italy. Don’t tell me anything about S5, please and thank you 💛

✏️ Warnings: just fluff (and probably more kids than Polly is willing to look after right now)

✏️ Word-count: 2,511

<< part one: children <<  |  << part two: anna and john <<  |  PART THREE: A BIGGER TABLE  |  >> part four: warhorse >>

There is something indescribably peaceful in the sight of his pregnant wife, even when she’s not showing much yet – or, at least, this is what Michael Gray thinks as he helps his daughter anna with her brand-new red polish shoes. He helps his daughter but his eyes are trained on his wife as she secures the twins in their tiny navy blue coats.

His mother has invited them over for another one of her family dinners and has caught the occasion with both hands to celebrate Anna’s fourth birthday one more time – it doesn’t matter that they’ve thrown a party last week, because if Polly Gray decides to take it upon herself to spoil her only granddaughter rotten, then there’s no stopping her.

Michael, on his part, is not complaining, either, not when his mother has so kindly – for Shelby standards, that is – proposed to keep the children over for the night. It’s a blessing, if he has to be honest, and it’s not because he doesn’t love his children, but rather because he’s in desperate need of a peaceful night of sleep. This is the one thing he hasn’t been able to get in a while and despite the fact that the twins have turned two just the months before, they’re already following in on their brother John’s path.

“Daddy?”

He picks Anna up in his arms when he’s done tying the laces of her shoes and he pecks the tip of her nose as he hums in answer.

The girl’s arms are wrapped tightly around his neck before he has the chance to tell her to hold on tight and the second later, she’s pressing a light kiss to his cheek.

“Think Nana will let me sleep in her bed tonight?” she asks and the look she gives him makes him chuckle.

He doesn’t know where this trait of hers comes from, whether from the Gray or the Shelby half of the family; all he knows is that his princess is able to use it to her advance. All she needs is the right look in her eyes and a slight pout on her lips and even the fucking King would do what she says. If she ever ends up working for the family business – he reasons as he puts her down on the ground after the couple of minutes spent sitting on the table of the big room –, she will be a great addition to the team. Clever eyes, even smarter and sharper tongue already at this age, he’s sure there’s nothing she won’t be able to achieve if she sets her mind on it. She had the unyielding stubbornness of the Grays and the blind courage of the Shelbys, and both traits are paired to his wife’s wit and kindness and that’s all Anna will need to succeed in life – or to fall, but Michael is not thinking about it now nor will he think about it later on in life.

“You give her this look,” he simply suggests with a chuckle, “and I’m sure she will. Now go call John, it’s time to leave.”

After that, two-year-old Henry is in his arms while Paul is in his wife’s. It’s always so beautifully weird, to look at his two youngest sons and see them one the carbon copy of the other. They have his green eyes and his wife’s hair and when they laugh, they have his cousin John’s chuckle.

“Michael?”

Y/N is looking at him with the brightest smile on her face when he turns to the side to glance at her.

She’s fucking glowing – he wants to tell her this much. Wants to tell her she’s his fucking star, the light of his life. And he knows it’s her usual pregnancy glow, but she’s so fucking beautiful, so fucking perfect his knees always wobble a little when his gaze lands on her. And he wonders what he’s done to deserve someone like her – to have the chance to fall in love and have a family of his own with her.

“You shouldn’t encourage her.” She’s chuckling, his wife, and all he wants to do is close the distance between them, cradle her face as he holds his son to his chest and kiss her – fucking take her breath away and make her weak in the knees as he pours all he feels for her into the kiss.

“She doesn’t need my encouragement,” he shrugs.

And it’s the truth – whether he tells Anna to use her doe eyes and pleading pout on the next unfortunate soul or nor, his daughter would always do what she thinks is best to reach her goals. At that, she’s a young Polly Gray at heart and Michael often thinks this is the reason why his mother has decided to spoil her, to bend the knee and give her what she wants. She is probably the one truly encouraging her in her antics, seeing more potential in her than she does in her nephews.

Y/N answers with an amused shake of her head and a smile, and Michael knows she agrees with him.

Then, before she has the time to speak, Anna is dashing down the stairs with John at her heels and they’re both laughing. It’s that kind of laughter that fills your belly and your heart even if you’re not the one currently laughing and it still – and always, without the shadow of a doubt – makes you smile. It brings you back to a childhood forever gone and it reminds you of the weight that has settled on your shoulders growing up. And while that weight is still there and always will be, it’s suddenly lighter, not that heavy to carry as you end up chuckling.

“Children!” His wife doesn’t need for her voice to boom in the hall of their mansion, for their children always listen to her. They just know it’s better to listen to their Mummy rather than to displease her. “John, take your sister’s hand,” she says, shifting Paul on her other hip. “And Ann, you can play hide-and-seek with your brother and your cousins when we get to Nana’s house, yeah? Not before.”

Unsurprisingly, the siblings listen and as Michael watches John take his sister’s hand in his hold, there’s pure, scorching pride bubbling up in his heart. He looks at them and the only thought – the only prayer – in his mind is: please, don’t grow up.

All he wants to do is stop time and enjoy his children’s childhood – their laughter, their games, even their cries in the middle of the night because they’ve just woken up from some unpleasant dream. He wants for John and Anna and Paul and Henry – and even his fifth unborn child – to remain young forever, to not know the shadows that lurk in the daylight, to not feel unsafe because Daddy and his family have made themselves moronic enemies.

Sometimes he thinks of Esme when this wish comes up and he wonders where she and the kids might be. He wonders whether they’re safe, alive, happy as both Shelbys and Grays are still stuck in sticky quicksands.

*

Polly’s house is a bedlam, even though a much quieter one now that the children have been fed and are full, playing in the living room as the adults still sit at the dining table.

It’s quiet and the smoke of his cigarette seems to tickle Michael’s skin as he inhales it. The cigarette is light between his fingers, but it’s also an anchoring weight that keeps him tied to this world as he floats in his own, private bubble of fatherhood happiness.

Anyone that looks at him sees his glow just like he can see his wife’s. He’s not as heavied-down as he used to be once. His step is lighter, his smile is brighter and there’s a contagious twinkle in his eyes that just wasn’t there before John’s birth. It just gets bigger and brighter the more children he has and right now…

Right now he wants to scream from the rooftops that another one is in the oven, slowly baking, and that he loves his wife so much that he’d have ten more children with her. Boys, girls, twins – it doesn’t matter, it never does. He just wants to give her the gift of motherhood one more time – and then, one more time – and to be given that of fatherhood again and again and again.

He lives for his children. Sometimes, he truly does. He wakes up in the morning and they’re his first thought and when he has to leave for work early in the morning, when the house is still floating in slumber, he presses a kiss to each of his children’s forehead and he looks at them for a second or two with a dreamy smile on his lips. And he knows – he just does – that his day is going to be okay.

They’re also his main concern – as it rightfully should be. And he wants to give them the best life he can afford. And if they asked, he would give them the moon because he’s just so utterly theirs that his heart aches and warms him up from the inside.

And when he looks at his family – at Tommy, finally smiling; at Finn and his lovely girlfriend; at Arthur, finally happy with Linda at his side, and then at his mum, glowing as bright as the sun as she sits there, with the people he loves like her children –, he feels at peace. There are no enemies here, no dangers, just a bunch of probably dysfunctional but nonetheless still happy people drinking and smoking because fuck, it’s so good to have a family these days.

And it leaves his lips before he realizes the words are there, pressing behind his teeth.

“Y/N and I are having another kid.”

His voice is soft and faint, and his heart is even lighter. He almost feels high – almost – and it’s the warm ecstasy of something far better than cocaine. And despite the confession not being loud, all conversations stop and hang in the air as all eyes turn to look at him.

The silent is buzzing and in the background, playing in another room, everyone can hear the children laugh and talk together as Anna – the only girl – tries to organize some game where she is the only commander.

“Is this a plan or…” Arthur’s question fades into silence as his cousins and sister-in-law and mother process what Michael has just said.

That Y/N and I are having another kid feels almost like a bomb dropped when nobody was expecting it and the deflagration confuses the ground for a moment before life starts breathing again.

“The doctor says I’m eight or nine weeks in,” his wife answers.

Michael takes his cigarette from his lips with his left hand and shifts his right on the table to take his wife’s hand in his. He loves her – he looks at her and that’s his only thought. Love bubbles up beneath his skin, love buzzes through his veins, love fills his belly and his heart alike and he feels light, peaceful, at ease.

It takes Polly a while to talk, to form words in her mind first and in her mouth later. And when she eventually breaks the trance enough, Tommy has already stood up to wrap his cousin into a hug.

“Another one?” There’s clear shock and surprise in his mother’s voice as she looks up at him from her chair, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Michael shrugs and his wife chuckles as she stands up to let the men kiss her cheeks in their usual congratulatory manner.

“Are you… Are you two competing with John, by any means?”

John is still a sore and delicate button, one no one ever pushes, but today’s different. Today John’s death isn’t as painful, and his blood on his pristine shirt isn’t as crimson. It’s a throbbing pain in the back of their mind, sure, but it’s not the mind-shattering, heart-stopping memory it’s used to be for a while.

“The more of us out there, the fewer problems we’ll have, right?” Michael jokes, pulling his wife into his side and planting a sloppy kiss on her lips.

Y/N beams, eyes closed and smile wide as she melts in his arms and he can’t wait to be back home. He can’t wait to be back home alone with her and show his wife how much he loves her all over again – how much he loves her and their children and their slowly-growing (or quickly-growing, as Polly would insist) family. How much he loves his domestic life and his warm wife and the rascals he has for kids.

What damage could one more bring?

They all chat away happily as they take their seats and Polly is the only one who’s silent. No one pays her any attention for a minute or two, but when the take her silence in, all chatter stops.

“Don’t you think it’s time to… take a step back for a while?” His mother is downing her drink when Michael looks at her. “You know, take a break, enjoy peace for a while before going for another?”

He’s surprised. And sort of scared. He never thought his own mother would be against him becoming a father one more time, but now that she’s talking like this… His blood slowly turns cold, the grip he has on his wife’s hand turns tighter and he’s suddenly too terrified to move a muscle.

It’s like his happy bubble bursts – it flies too close to a thorn and the second after, there are only minuscule droplets of water raining down.

Polly grins then, though, and she chuckles and when she does, the blood starts flowing again in his veins. Relief washes over him and it all happens in a fraction of a second: one moment he’s tensing up like a violin’s string, the next his back is relaxing against the chair and he turns to glance at his wife with a look in his eyes that can only mean oh, thank God!

There’s a third moment to that quick metamorphosis of events: Polly pulls him up to his feet and has his face in her hands in a second before she kisses his cheeks. And he’s never seen her this happy.

“For fuck’s sake, Michael!” She’s laughing and nothing has ever felt sweeter than the sound of his mother’s laughter in this moment. “Stop getting Y/N pregnant or I’ll need a bigger table for family dinners!”

They all join in on her laughter when Arthur adds a “Or a bigger house” and the happiness is contagious and scalding and for once they all laugh like Michael’s children when they play with each other.

Michael and his wife are planning to have one more kid, though. Don’t tell Pol and the Shelbys!

Feedback and PB requests are welcome! ❤️

TAGS (to be added to or to be removed from any list, shoot me an ask)

Everything: @idhrenniel @saibh29 @fuckthatfeeling @aya-fay @pebblesz892  @mblaqgi

Peaky Blinders: @whimsylavender @thethyri @friendleyneighbourhoodvillain  @flowers-in-your-hayr @oddsnendsfanfics @medievalfangirl

People that might be interested: @sweetvengeancee @kellydixon01