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lookingupatthesamemoon · 25 days ago

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selfshiptober day 10: warmth + claws

pairing: Clara + Ethan Chandler

summary: Clara tries to help Ethan understand the wolf inside him

word count: 2.2k

cw: blood mentions, death mentions

divider by @/saradika :)

She knew the moment he walked into the door that night they met. She could smell it on him. He was like her. He was a werewolf. She had to assume he could smell it on her, too, but neither of them could say a word about it that night, with the entire crew in the room.

But, tonight, they were on their own. For the first time since they met, Clara and Ethan were alone together, able to discuss their secrets with one another in the safety of her cottage. She had invited him over for dinner, knowing full well that a full moon would be awaiting them as the night grew darker. They knew each other as man and woman, and it was now time they knew each other’s inner beasts.

“Look, I got a lotta questions that I think only you can answer,” Ethan sighed, running his hand through his hair as he took a seat at the table.

“Ask away,” Clara grinned, taking a sip of her tea.

“When I walked into that room the other day, it was like… It was like I already knew you, but we obviously never met before. What… What was that?”

“Oh, sweetie, you don’t know?”

“Know what, exactly?”

“Well… Let me put it this way: has anything… Strange been happening to you, maybe at night?”

Ethan looked up at her, his eyebrows furrowing. “Well, sometimes… Sometimes it’s like I black out… I wake up that next mornin’ rememberin’ nothin’, just seein’ the blood on my hands and… Everywhere else.”

“Ethan, you and I are cut from the same cloth, so to speak,” Clara began to explain. “You’re a werewolf. Half man, half beast.”

“And you got all that from what I just told you?”

“No, silly,” Clara chuckled. “I could smell it on you the first time you walked through that door. That’s what your sense of deja vu was – you were also smelling it on me.”

“I’d always wondered…” Ethan confessed. “I mean, I knew somethin’ was wrong, I guess I just never had the courage to figure it out.”

“Well, better late than never I suppose,” Clara mused.

“Do you… Do you know how many? Like us?” Ethan pondered aloud.

“Not exactly,” Clara shrugged. “To be quite honest, I’ve only ever met a handful before, and never for very long. But, we always know. It’s an animal instinct.”

“And, Vanessa? And Sir Malcolm, and Victor? Do they know?”

“They know about me,” Clara replied. “I chose to tell them for the sake of our job as a team. They’ve been unraveling this prophecy, you know? There’s something in there about a ‘wolf of God’... I – or, we – thought it might be me. But now? I’m wondering if, perhaps, it’s you they’ve been looking for.”

“Do they know they’ve – possibly – been looking for me?”

“I don’t think so. But, it’s not my business to share. That’s for you to come to terms with yourself, and for you to tell them. Me? I’m just here for moral support.”

Ethan chuckled, offering her a small smile. Clara hadn’t exactly had the easiest time getting along with Ethan in their first couple of weeks working alongside each other. Their moral compasses clashed all too often, tending to get in the way of the group’s progress from time to time. From what Clara could tell, Ethan had a bad habit of… Well, simply put, projecting his own sins onto everyone around him. As far as she was concerned, he had no right to tell her who she could and couldn’t kill – she could deal with the blood on her hands, as she had for ages. Him on the other hand? In her opinion, he was far too hung up on things of that nature. In her eyes, death was simply part of life. And, sometimes, it was up to her to play the role of the grim reaper.

But, tonight, they were putting those things aside. Clara knew exactly what she was doing, inviting Ethan over during a full moon. She had embraced the wolf long ago, while she could tell Ethan shied away from it. It was obvious, to her at least, considering he could barely even acknowledge that it was there. To Clara, tonight was about getting him properly in touch with the beast within – and, hopefully, helping him learn how to control it. They finished up their meal just as the sunset fell, giving them the perfect amount of time to execute the first step of Clara’s plan.

If she was a mere mortal, she would have chained him up outside to some large tree, preventing him from attacking her or anyone else – but she wasn’t. She was, perhaps, better equipped to deal with his transformation than anyone else he knew. Instead, she simply brought him into her shed. She had emptied it of her gardening tools and winter wear, wanting to ensure that they both could fit inside with enough room to thrash around a bit. If he attacked her, she could bite right back – and she sure as hell wasn’t afraid to. If anything, she was almost looking for an excuse, with the way he could piss her off in human form.

“You’re sure you don’t wanna use restraints?” Ethan asked her.

“Positive,” Clara nodded. “They won’t help you in the long run, I’m telling you. Besides, I think I can handle you.”

Ethan rolled his eyes, a chuckle escaping his lips. He then shifted his eyes to the window of the shed, spotting the moon hidden behind some clouds. As soon as that full moon was uncovered, their transformations would begin. They had maybe three minutes, tops.

“Can I just ask you one more question before we get started with all this?”

“Shoot.”

“Why are you helpin’ me?” Ethan questioned. “I mean, I know I haven’t been the kindest to you…”

“That doesn’t mean you deserve to suffer alone,” Clara answered. “You and I may have our differences, but I know what it feels like to wake up at sunrise with no recollection of how the blood got on my hands. I’ve been where you are, and by some miracle, I survived it. I learned to tame that beast inside me all on my own, and frankly, I don’t think I’d wish that on anybody else.”

Ethan couldn’t do much more than nod, meeting her now yellowing eyes. The transformations had begun. He would have to thank her later.

It was never fun for Ethan, the transformation. He had always sensed changes in his body during his “blackouts,” but often forgot them by morning, after his appearance had returned back to normal – well, besides the blood. Now, knowing and acknowledging what was happening within him, the change somehow felt even worse. He hated feeling his bones broaden under his skin, thick hair growing to cover almost every inch of his body. It was as if he could feel the entire shape of his face change ever so slightly, making room for his doglike features. His gums would swell up as his sharp canine teeth grew in – the same teeth that shredded through human flesh with almost no control. His fingernails would become literal claws – which, of course, also sliced through human skin like butter. If they didn’t retract by sunrise each time, he feared he would never be able to wash the blood out from underneath them. The worst part of all, though, was how often he would forget what happened after. At least tonight, whatever happened, he would have a witness.

In the midst of his own metamorphosis, he could see Clara going through a similar transformation right in front of him. Her claws came first, sprouting from her fingertips like tiny daggers that were hiding in her nail beds. They were longer than Ethan’s, but not by much. He could hear her dress ripping a bit, but not enough to actually see – if he had to guess, the corset she was wearing didn’t have enough give for the shifting of her bones. Hair sprouted on her face, a bit lighter and less thick than that of his own. Her teeth were the last to grow in, naturally expanding from her already quite sharp canines.

Finally, after a few minutes, the transformations were complete. For the next eleven hours, the two of them would be stuck in their beastly forms. As Clara opened her eyes, she took a few deep breaths, regulating herself as her vision cleared. The transformation always took a toll on her eyesight, blurring things as her body adjusted to its rapid changes. She locked eyes with Ethan for a moment before trailing her eyes up and down, taking in his new form. She took notice of his breathing pattern – a surefire sign that he was nervous. His head moved as if it was on a swivel, his eyes unable to focus on one place for too long. He already looked like he was starting to get stir-crazy, and he had only been in his werewolf form for a matter of minutes.

“Ethan,” Clara said softly. No response. “Ethan, look at me.” He did as he was told, like a good dog waiting for some sort of treat. “Good, good… Thank you. Can you… Can you talk like this?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, those sounded like words to me,” Clara chuckled. “A little garbled, but, words nonetheless. Words are good. I take it you don’t usually talk too much in your wolf form?”

“I don’t think so,” Ethan sighed, his breathing still a bit ragged. “What’s it matter?”

“It matters now because you can communicate with me on a human level, even when you’re in your beast form,” Clara explained. “For one thing, that’ll make it a little easier for us to be on the same page about the things you’re worried about or the things you need for the rest of the night. But, it also gives us a headstart on embracing man and beast as one.”

“What if… What if I don’t want man and beast to be one? What if I’d rather keep ‘em separate?”

“Have you looked at yourself like this? Ethan, you can’t keep them separate. When that moon is full, you are both man and beast. Physically, in this form, they can’t be separated. You can’t tell where the man ends and the beast begins. I know you think you can, but… Trying to separate them only makes everything worse. It makes everything harder to remember.”

“And you think that’s why I always black these nights out? Because I try not to blur that line in my head, I end up havin’ no memory at all?”

“Yes, exactly,” Clara nodded. “I know it’s not easy. I’ve been where you are. Do you really think I’ve always just been a cold-hearted killer? Because I haven’t. I used to be just as afraid of myself as you are.”

He seemed to be calming down. He was now seated on the dusty wooden floor of the shed, his arms hugging his knees, his head facing his feet. His breathing had slowed down, too. He sat there silently, Clara’s eyes still fixated on him.

“It’s like a curse,” she heard him mumble. “Not the werewolf thing… Everything. Sometimes I feel like I was put on this earth just to be a killing machine, you know? With my career, with the guns, and now this? It feels like some cruel joke. I have so much blood on my hands that I can never wash away, no matter how hard I try.”

“Ethan…” Clara frowned, “you’re still human underneath it all. There’s more to you than the guns and the claws, and you know that. We all know that.”

“Sometimes it’s easy to forget,” Ethan breathed out. “But, I think that’s why I try so hard to keep this stuff apart, you know? I try to make up for all those lives lost everyday, tryin’ to make myself a better man… Only for the wolf to ruin everything.”

“So… Wouldn’t it feel better if you could control the wolf? Make it a bigger part of you, use it to make yourself better?”

“Well, when we put it like that,” Ethan remarked, exhaling through his nose as if to laugh. “But I imagine it’ll be easier said than done.”

“Surely,” Clara agreed. “But I think, in the long run, it’ll make a pretty big difference.”

“Yeah, I’m startin’ to realize that,” Ethan sighed. “You know what might make this easier?”

“What?”

“Would you mind comin’ to sit next to me?”

“Oh… Of course I wouldn’t mind.”

Clara slowly walked over to him – she trusted him enough, but she knew better than to make any sudden moves around an unsure wolf. Always better to be safe rather than sorry, after all. She took her time dropping down to her knees, shifting her legs once she positioned herself next to him on the shed floor. Their eyes met for a moment – she could see despair inside them. She remained still as Ethan’s head dropped onto her shoulder, waiting a few moments before she carefully brought her left arm around his shoulders. She heard him sigh as she began to run her claws through his thick hair. The wolf was safe. He was safe. And maybe, for the first time he could remember, he would finally wake up after a full moon without the taste of blood on his lips.

#hi guys 😇#finally working on catching up #i do have ideas for every prompt so i am going to try to write them all !#they just will likely bleed into november lmao #but these things happen #self ship #self shipping #rye writes !#ship: howling at the moon #selfshiptober #selfshiptober 2024 #cw blood

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