#but these are emotionally fragile and vulnerable people trying to make it in a world that they are not at all used to

[ninyard]

If I recall correctly, it's mentioned at one point that while the Ravens all go pro, the Trojans have more players on the US Court precisely because Raven training tends to be backfire in the long term. A lot of them end up quitting without the Nest.

Oh yes I remember reading that!! it makes a lot of sense for more Trojans to be court - some Ravens are going to really struggle without the “comfort” of the nest around them. that’s not to say there aren’t people who came out of the nest far less phased than others, everyone responds to things differently, but the number of USC/Penn State athletes who make it long term is going to be much higher than Ravens for the reason alone of the impact the nest will have had on their physical health & wellbeing.

[nowoyas]

the past half hour wasn't real - Miguel O'Hara x Reader

M.list - Read on Ao3

A/N: continuing the trend of using tfb lyrics whenever I don't know how to title things. almost didn't post this one and definitely didn't edit this one but it's cheaper than acquiring a therapist <3

Summary: Miguel accidentally startles you in exactly the wrong way. Your behavior may require an explanation.

Warnings: hurt/comfort, panic attacks, past sexual assault

Word count: ~2700

You've been hurt before. Past lovers and your own stupidity mostly, if we're looking at number instances alone. But that's not what I'm talking about.

It isn't something you talk about. Once, you'd gotten fed up with your own self-destructive coping mechanisms, reached out, and booked an appointment with a therapist.

The day came, and you freaked out, canceled, and told yourself you'd never try to speak about what happened again.

And really, that wasn't a problem. You dealt with it how any normal person would: you closed off. You became Only The Employee or Only The Hero and occasionally let work acquaintances talk you into 1-3 dates with a guy who you would inevitably break it off with because you have numbed yourself out to that shit. Once or twice, you managed relationships longer. Those, too, fell apart.

Granted, at first, you tried not to. You tried to be daring and open and honest with partners. You tried to tell them: you had been hurt before. You might be a little cagey from time to time, you might have limits that don't make sense, but it is only because you have been hurt and you will spend the rest of your life navigating it.

That didn't work.

It didn't work because instead they saw you as cracked and damaged, or else extraordinarily fragile, and they would never touch you until, eventually, they moved on, and you would return to being Only the Employee and Only the Hero.

That was until you met Miguel and the others.

Hundreds and hundreds of people—all just like each other and, to a lesser degree, just like you. Spider-mutated heroes from different dimensions, working together to keep the multiverse in one coherent-incoherent piece. And Miguel, at the center of it all, Atlas holding up the world on his shoulders.

Miguel, who re-invigorated your life and, whether he realized it or not, yanked you violently out of depression.

Miguel, who, by taking you back through that portal with him and the others, allowed you to realize that while you were frequently Only The Hero, you were not The Only Hero.

Miguel, who called you in to help with an anomaly and found you emotionally rotting in your suit and didn't force you to drag yourself out anyway.

Miguel, who quietly sent a pair of Spiders to your dimension for a little bit so you could ride the waves of the anniversary of the day That Man Hurt You until they finally left you crashed on the shore long enough to stand again.

It was little wonder that you fell head over heels for him. It was rare that he let others see the humanity in him long enough to be registered, but he let you see enough that there was never any hope for you to begin with.

And that, my friend, is exactly the fucking problem.

Because you have been hurt before.

Maybe you did careen into a relationship of sorts with him—you're pretty sure you're exclusive, at least, given how little capacity either of you seem to have for entertaining the idea where even one person is concerned, and you spend time together and he lets you see himself a way that no one else ever sees him: human, tender, kind. Of course there is kindness in his actions day-to-day, but it's always masked, beneath his unmasked, flat tone and the seemingly cold logic present.

You know he has not been completely vulnerable with you. This is okay, because it's not as if you've been vulnerable with him.

You have pushed yourself through, because you love him. You have let him kiss you, because you love him. You have given him affection until he breaks because he needed it and you love him.

You have not had sex with him.

And oh, you've tried. You've told yourself a million times—he is not Him, he is nothing like Him, he would never hurt you the way He hurt you. These are all true statements. Factually, there is not a single shred of doubt to be had in these points.

Except trauma does not care about what is true now. It is determined to remind you, again and again, that You Have Been Hurt Before. You, conversely, are determined to tell capital-T Trauma to suck your fucking dick about it and fuck off so you can live a normal, well-adjusted life as a superhero dating an alternate-dimension superhero.

So you push yourself. You do not initiate, but you don't run away, because for once in your life you have enough love to stay, and anyways if you ran, he would chase you, and you wouldn't be able to keep it together.

It is late, and there has been a lull in anomalies to contend with lately, and you have just spent a wonderful day with Miguel. You don't track time like normal people do, so you can't say how long you've been together, just that it's been a long enough time that it's not really unfounded when you both crash at your apartment and you invite him to spend the night.

You have unspoken boundaries that he has effortlessly sensed and not once attempted to cross, so tonight, you don't expect him to walk up behind you sitting on the edge of your bed and wrap tender arms around your waist or press a sweet kiss to the back of your neck.

To be fair, he does not expect you to freeze.

He does not expect you to jolt away, to shove him with all your force, for whimpering pleas to pass your lips between breaths that turn to gasps, for you to settle on the floor seven feet away and grab harshly at your hair just to find some way to ground yourself.

The reactions are automatic. They have to be, because it is no longer you in your body in the room with him. It is memories, and it is fear, and if you could bring yourself to do anything beyond pulling your hair and hyperventilating, you'd be halfway out the window by now, whether it was open or not.

He's in front of you in a second, eyes searching, almost wounded, and the little part of you that's still in your head wants to apologize, to tell him it's not his fault, fucking hell this is Miguel he'll never—

But you can't. All you can think of is that night, of pleading nos, of the pain of it all and waking up and just crying for hours.

"Tell me what I did wrong, cariño, and I will never do it again. Please."

His voice is grounding. He is stricken, to see you this way. He is careful not to touch you, not to move too fast until you finally manage to worm a hand out of your hair to find something to claw at, to find a source of pain to bring you back down to Earth (667, in your case), and then he is lightning as he pulls your hands away from yourself.

"[name]. I need you to look at me and see me. Can you do that?"

You can do that.

You meet his eyes, focus as hard as you can on the place where his hands hold yours, the look in his eyes—calculating beyond the hurt. He's trying to figure you out.

He is counting, and it takes little time for you to understand that you are to follow the numbers with your breaths. You've played this game before. You try your best to match him, and he is encouraging and kind even when your attempts to just take a slow breath are interspersed with involuntary inhales and hiccups.

The pads of his thumbs, calloused and rough, smooths over the back of your hands in little circles, and when you struggle to breathe and struggle to listen, they, too, bring you back down. Each pass of his thumb feels like a confession of things you have not yet said, despite the time:

Swipe. I love you. Swipe. I love you. Swipe. I love you.

Time moves weirdly coming down from panic attacks, and so it is impossible to say how long it takes you to come back down enough to speak, how long he spends counting and rubbing his thumbs into your hands, how long you spend expending every effort just to breathe correctly.

When at last you can breathe and his counting stops, he does not let go of your hands. They are a reminder he is here. They are a reminder you are loved.

"I'm sorry" are the first words out of your mouth when you can think to say them, although the Everything took quite a bit out of you and you don't have many more words to give right now. You had been lucky so far; you stayed masked in front of everyone. Not your Spider mask, but the other mask, the one you never let down around others. No one suspected you to be Different before this, and now you're stuck wordless and feeling remarkably alone.

Except, hey, isn't Miguel just like you? Isn't that part of why you love him so?

He asks in low tones if he can carry you somewhere more comfortable than the floor. You nod, and he carries you to the couch, puts on the TV. He lets you be the one to fuck with the remote, seemingly understanding without you telling him that you do not have the words to direct him yourself right now. You put on something non-offensive and easy, and when he gets up with gentle words informing you that he's going to get something from the kitchen, you cling to him wordlessly.

A rumble of a laugh soothes you. "I'm just getting you something to drink."

You shoot him pleading eyes. Stay. Please stay.

"You need to drink water. I can carry you, if you don't want to be alone right now."

You unwind, offer him the tiniest of nods. He lifts you, again with ease, and carries you one-armed into your kitchen so he can get you a glass of water.

It is unbearable, how clingy you've become in such a short time. It is pathetic, how he sets you down with your glass of water and sits beside you and you immediately press into his side. He may have been the danger for a moment in your traitorous mind, but now, direct contact with him is the absolute safest place to be. He is an amazing sport for simply allowing it.

When at last you have it in you to drag words up to the surface, you're immediately apologizing all over again, and he is meeting each one with a gentle refusal.

"I don't need an apology from you. I just need to know what you need from me so that I never set you off that way again."

Your face falls, and you consider the sentence you need to pull out of yourself.

Honesty. That's important.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry."

He arches a brow. He does not buy it and does not appreciate your continued apologies.

"...I haven't always been strong enough to take care of myself. Someone I trusted a lot..." The words die in your throat. Even now, after everything, you still can't bring yourself to say them.

As it turns out, you don't need to. It is rare that Miguel emotes in a way others completely understand, beyond angry and stern, but you know heartbreak when you see it. "Oh, cariño..."

“I just got scared,” you whisper finally.

He is holding you, then, gentle and firm all at once. “You should have told me.”

“I don’t want you to be afraid to touch me.”

Now that it’s out, that fear strikes you to your core.

Miguel, who would never want to hurt you.

Who now has reason to fear that he’ll hurt you no matter what he does.

“I won’t ask you to go into detail. But if we ever run into him, I can’t be held accountable for what I’ll do.”

A bitter scoff. You rest your head against his chest, let the sound of his heartbeat soothe you. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” Your arms wind around his midsection, and you gradually slide onto his lap. “Please don’t let this change how you think of me.”

“What do I have to do so that you never get the idea I might think less of you over something like this ever again?”

You shudder with the sob that rises at that, but you refuse to let yourself cry more tonight. “It isn’t that I thought you’d see me as less. It’s just… I managed to tell someone once. About what happened to me. And he pulled away. He wouldn’t touch me. Wouldn’t even look at me.”

“You’re afraid I would leave you to keep you safe.”

“Mm.” You’re glad for the position the pair of you have wound up in. You couldn’t stand to see his face right now. “I didn’t—don’t—want to lose you. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that we never had a sex life because I let you see this part of me and you decided it was better for me.”

He is silent. That is the scariest part—he is silent.

“I know you’re always putting others above you. I know you’re trying to protect all of everyone in everything you do. I realize it’s selfish to ask you not to protect me. But it is goddamn torture to be put in a little glass case to be looked at and never loved because everyone’s afraid to hurt me, and it makes it all the worse, and I am so, so tired of letting him haunt the rest of my life. Can I please be selfish?”

“It’ll be difficult,” he replies, and your heart drops. You’re already moving to untangle yourself from him when he continues: “But if you’ll talk to me, and we discuss your boundaries, and you tell me the nanosecond something feels wrong to you…”

He isn’t leaving.

He isn’t pulling away.

You sit, frozen, on his lap, and search his face with wide eyes, but there’s no hint of deception. Not that you were ever the Expressions Reader, but still. You like to think you’re learning his, and you don’t see deception there.

“I love you,” you say, and that’s not the words you intended to say, not for the first time like this. “Please don’t ever sneak up from me behind like that again. Make noise. I don’t care what noise.”

It is his turn to be stunned, and for good reason, because you’re not sure anyone expected you to drop the “I love you” tonight. For a second, you think that will turn out to be the final nail in the coffin, but then he’s peppering your face in kisses, and you flush under the attention.

He isn’t letting you kiss him back or escape the assault, and you find yourself dissolving into laughter when he holds your face still to better aim his affections. At last, when you’re reduced to a giggling mess in his arms, he grants you reprieve so he can speak.

“I promise, that’ll never happen again. I love you, too.”

You are exhausted and drained, but sitting here with him, there is warmth, and light, and hope. Tomorrow, he will return to HQ, and you will remain in this dimension to make your rounds and keep your lights on. Someday, he will tell you about the pains he carries, and on another Someday, you may give him details about yours. But it is tonight, and tonight, you will settle into one another, murmur quietly a conversation about limits and love and how to move forward.

One thing you should know: although he is scared, he will never pull away because of this. You are safe in that.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @yohoe-hoe

[dragonroar87]

Tempered Into Steel

@flashfictionfridayofficial

Fandom: Doodle World (Roblox)

Words: 500

A weapon.

That's what he was.

A weapon used to wage a one-sided war against the past. A weapon to save the people of the future. A weapon to seek and destroy any wrinkles in the timelime that might ripple into the future and cause the same destruction he was trying to end.

An eye for an eye. Mercilessly ending the life of one person in this timeline to save their life in all the others.

But what do you do with someone you can't save? What do you do with a wrinkle you can't smooth out? What do you do with a star that burns only in this night sky, that will never burn again if you snuff it out? What do you do if you physically can't snuff it out?

Simple. You take the heat of that star, you take that wrinkle, you take that opponent, and you light a forge with their heat. You place their unyielding steel form inside and you strike it over and over and over. You force them to bend, but don't allow them to break. You take their grandeur and you use it against them. You take their grandeur and you manipulate them with it.

Zavier was never enamored with the idea of preserving TJ's uniqueness, but part of him was fascinated by it. In some ways the most fragile thing in the multiverse, in some ways as untouchable as the vast cosmos themselves. How could something that could fall apart so easily inexplicably resist all attempts to make it do so?

In a way, it made him the perfect pawn in this giant game of chess. Unstoppable, yet easily neutralized once Zavier found a method that worked. And he was so fallibly human, too. He was weak to his own pride and arrogance and ego, weak to the emotions that burned inside every human whether they wanted it or not. Even universal anomalies were capable of bending to another's will. Especially universal anomalies.

In fact, the only thing Zavier had to do was already done. Let his despair of finding out he wasn't supposed to exist heat the metal, and he would mold it to the shape that suited Zavier's needs all by himself.

Zavier had the same thing done to him, once upon a time. Everything he knew and loved, uprooted like a cedar tree in a hurricane. It was nobody's fault... or perhaps it was everybody's fault. Either way, his old identity yielded to his own swinging hammer, shaped like red-hot iron into the man he was now. And that man perfectly fit the needs of The Elder and his people. It wasn't malicious, it just happened.

All the riches and status and old money in the world couldn't protect that vulnerable child that Zavier once was, so who was to say TJ would be protected?

It was a grueling, emotionally taxing process, changing like that. But TJ would change, just like Zavier once had. It couldn't be avoided.

[fincalinde]

thank you so much for all your great jgy meta! i know you mostly post about xiyao, but i was wondering if you had any thoughts on su she?

I'm embarrassed! I'm blushing!

Seriously thanks though. I'd write just as much meta about LXC on his own if people asked me about it, since neither character is represented in particularly grounded ways by fandom. But JGY is the one who is the recipient of a baffling amount of hate, so I do tend to write about him on his own more.

But OK, it's Minshan's turn. I'm sure you'll be astonished that I don't think I've seen much if any textually-grounded portrayals of SMS. I'm not going to write an entire thesis on how to write him in a way that's consistent with what we see in canon, but I'll highlight a couple of points I think are notable and should be taken into account when writing him.

Gaslight

I like SMS and I think he's actually really interesting. I really try not to look over the parapet much in fandom, but obviously considering my interests I've been exposed to a lot more material on the subject of SMS and JGY than the subject of SMS and LWJ. I think SMS' weird hate-filled parasocial obsession with LWJ shouldn't be neglected when writing him. SMS wants to be LWJ but he hates the idea of anyone thinking he wants to be LWJ. SMS founded his own clan which means he must have a wife and children (and concubines too for all I know), but if he's feeling gay feelings for anyone it's probably LWJ.

LWJ represents SMS' fragile sense of self; SMS doesn't simply want to succeed outside the Lan, he wants to be a better Lan than the Lan. But he can't admit that to himself, so he reacts with fury whenever the comparison is made. My personal read on SMS is that his LWJ obsession doesn't have a sexual element, but it wouldn't necessarily be inconsistent with what we do see of him. Still, I think the more grounded read is that his LWJ obsession is the mirror of his relationship with JGY. Don't forget, the Moling Su would have crashed and burned not long after being founded if JGY hadn't intervened and supported them. He is very happy to be JGY's subordinate because JGY treats him with respect (which I speculate also means politely never drawing attention to the fact that SMS is baring his neuroses to the entire world by cosplaying as LWJ). Meanwhile LWJ, who has never respected SMS and will never respect him, inspires the opposite: SMS is desperate to best LWJ despite knowing deep down it's never going to happen.

Gatekeep

Let's get this out of the way: the relationship between JGY and SMS is firmly situated in the master-servant dynamic. Suffice to say that SMS is doggedly loyal to JGY in a supportive capacity, and the core of their relationship is reflected in its origins: JGY as a benevolent master and SMS as a devoted lackey. SMS is loyal to JGY because JGY treated him with kindness and support at a time when he was extremely politically vulnerable. JGY's kindness towards SMS is a combination of his usual politeness, hospitality and excellent memory, and his political support of SMS is a savvy move of its own as it nets him an ally who is loyal to him as a person rather than to the Jin as a whole.

My read on JGY's tears when SMS dies is that they're sincere both in the sense that he'll grieve SMS and also that he's just lost his best and most loyal servant. There's no indication he's lost a dear friend, and it's important to also remember his casual 'thanks' when SMS offers to sacrifice himself. SMS is, again, making this sacrifice as a lackey not as a friend of equal standing or a potential lover.

I like SMS fine and I really like his relationship with JGY. JGY obviously trusts him deeply but they both appear happy with the master-servant dynamic and haven't in all their years of collaboration moved towards the kind of warm and intimate friendship JGY has with LXC. Knowing JGY's secrets does not necessarily mean being closest to JGY emotionally.

Girlboss

We get a lot of conflicting information in canon about SMS' power level and talents, so it's not surprising that portrayals of him in fandom vary from incompetent to underestimated genius. I think what can sometimes be missing from these reads is an awareness of context.

One of the main things I've seen raised as evidence that SMS is actually a gifted cultivator is his utilisation of the transportation talisman. Being able to teleport in this manner is very difficult because of the large amount of power it requires. So, fair enough, there's no doubt that SMS has access to a decent amount of raw power. He's prospered alongside JGY so it's not surprising he's been able to develop his cultivational reserves and/or strengthen his core.

This doesn't really indicate that his strength is exceptional, though. The way these moments play out, it seems that cultivators at or above that power level are around. This is an impressive feat but it's not an astonishing one. Portraying SMS as weak contradicts canon, but I can't see any evidence that he's exceptionally strong in the context not just of the jianghu but of the (for the most part) exceptionally powerful cultivators who comprise much of the main cast.

So SMS is definitely a reasonably powerful cultivator, which again is to be expected considering the resources available to him (education amongst the Lan, the patronage of JGY). But it doesn't necessarily follow that SMS himself is exceptional.

SMS and the Moling Su practise similar and/or identical techniques to the Lan and canonically are inferior musicians. There's room for some subjectivity here insofar as we know that at the Burial Mounds the variations in their playing are dismissed by the Lan as standard incompetence when what is actually happening is that the blended melody technique is being used to drain their spiritual power. I think this kind of thing is why SMS is read by some as being more gifted than the text initially indicates.

However. The disguised melody technique is a technique invented by JGY. JGY specifically develops this technique in order to blend Turmoil and Cleansing when playing for NMJ. I sincerely doubt that conveniently SMS came up with the same idea independently. It seems obvious to me that JGY is the one if not developing these specific variations and sharing them with the Su, then at least he has introduced SMS to the concept so that SMS can develop his own disguised melodies. The genius at work here is that of JGY.

[fvriva]

🐖 iska pretty please?

putting this one behind a readmore again haha

send an oc + emoji (or order the WHOLE HOG)

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

This one was out of my hands. I designed Iskandar Kiriyakuya originally by algorithmically trying to create my ideal waifu, two of the seeds involved there being Kyoko Kirigiri and Togami Byakuya from Danganronpa 1. We simply mashed their surnames together into Kiriyakuya. Iskandar came from Rider from Fate/Zero, somehow, probably because she's a cavalry rider and a warlord.

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

At the beginning of Isekai I believe I said she was 30.

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

She's got a couple of bitches she's left on the table due to being inept at dating and emotionally constipated. Her childhood crush, Baphira Kaneshiro is unhappily married to a merchant that is never home. She's gotten her ass beat by a pro wrestler, Hira Diamondclast. She's been given the run-around and got very close with a boat clown, Hayfa. She currently has gay little standoffs or something with over half of the women in the party. High noon shootout situation.

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

Iska famously doesn't really like food because of a long history of medical issues before she got her core installed. But it's basically a form of hotpot with a milky tea and beef based broth.

💼 - What do they do for a living?

She's a warlord, servant of the Meikugan Empire, babysitter to the children of prophecy, and a hesitant emissary of the Meikugan Quintessence.

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

She likes riding and caring for her axirin mount, Sareyn. She likes solving little puzzles as forceshaping exercises.

🎯 -What do they do best?

She's not the best in the world by any means but she's rather good at very fine manipulation of forces. Very precise telekinesis. She's also very good with animals.

🥊 - What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

She loves tasks. Following orders. Being told what to do. Unless it's the Coinspinner, god of Fate, speaking. She also dislikes dealing with irritating people and is rather bad at doing so peacefully. She's also awful at sharing information about herself with people and being vulnerable in any way.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

After the fight with the Tangled Beast she woke up on the operating table, core newly implanted in her body, and even though she felt like complete shit physically speaking, she was surrounded by her family members and her mom nodded at her in approval and her father shook her hand in congratulation. Feridhun made her favorite soup.

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

When she got outed as gay to her mother. She thought in the moment it was Baphy that had done it (it was actually Baphy's shithead half-sibling) which made it sting worse. Her mom took that as a sign that despite Iskandar's childhood fragility it was time to take her to the warfront and beat some backbone into her, that she'd lost sight of her lot in life and role within the family.

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

Pretty much. She's been slowly changing over the course of the campaign. There are different things I would have chosen to put in her design if I was making her specifically for Isekai as opposed to co-opting her though.

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

The whole waifu generation process. I shan't elaborate further.

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

High fantasy, especially military/political fantasy. Her personality has had to adapt somewhat to match the more action/adventure oriented story though. She's not as smart, calculating, or patient as a traditional protagonist in the genre because of it.

💚 - What is your OC’s gender identity and sexuality?

Lesbian. She hasn't done much experimentation with gender but I feel like if she could she would get a kick out of being perceived as butch especially if she can do so while still keeping her long hair. Butch in like a Chinese warlord way. I dunno.

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have?

None siblings.

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like?

Bad! She was closer with her dad, sorta, when she was younger but he died while she was away at war. He never really saw her as more than just a fun plaything though. A child that lives in his house, not his daughter. Her mom has always been pretty frosty and resentful of her cringe child, constantly pushing her well past her various breaking points.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

I like the tension between her being so fierce and strong and very visibly being damaged goods. All her current peers are leery of approaching her, she has all this presence, she's very scary, but she's also just so pathetic and pitable. She's so sucks.

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

I roleplay her pretty often but I don't draw her much these days unless I'm either objectifying her or putting her in a humiliating outfit. I wrote a bit for her before the campaign started officially but haven't since.

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

I could. Would need to be a really worthy death though. She's too cringe to be allowed to die yet.

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

Intimacy. Internalized homophobia. This isn't so much a phobia as an irrational dislike, but she loathes opulence and indulging in comforts on principle.

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

Gohar Kaneshiro, the saultry little bitch that outed her is her main on-sight nemesis. She's got other enemies (she fuckin hates the Coinspinner. Tried to punch him once but it went down like Sun Wukong vs the Buddha) but they're all fleeting in the face of Gohar.

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

Seems like I named her in September 2020 so about 3.5 years

🍥 - What age were you when you created the OC?

I would've been 20!

[zoofles]

Life update but tw for drug talk/OD/drugging/abuse yada yada

Here’s Very very cute little thingy my partner crafted with emojis somehow to be a spacer. He is just a litl robot who is crushing hard on the virus glitching his all-ware (me. I’m the guy making him malfunction!!!!!💥)

anyway life update!! tw for drugging and overdose again! But me and my bf were drugged and experienced the worst bad trips ever. I OD’d completely and nearly died. I also now know I have POTS/a cardiac condition separate to POTS and DID (NOT schizophrenia…the voices who were my friends with lives and personalities were actually alters and I was front stuck 💪 also we do not call ourselves alters but HEADBITCHES! It’s just that alters is too medical or formal?? Idk we all friends). It’s great to finally know wtf is going on. lol. But anyway. I’ve been extraordinarily sick and WORSE since the drug incident.

Found out that not one, but TWO of the people I loved, trusted and gave my world to betrayed me, lied to me/covered up their lies to avoid consequences/accountability which hurt me SO deeply upon finding out on my OWN (yeah they didn’t even have the guts to tell me and just went on living and talking to me like they hadn’t backstabbed me) that I couldn’t even afford to grieve because I risked a heart attack from the stress, emotions and stabbing pain. Had to dissociate it away to process later. Maybe another 3 or so years will do the trick? No clue.

We’ve got the best little robo partner tho!!!!!!! 💥💥💥he’s helped us all through this. Plus Banjoh and everyone else are so supportive and there with me on these …discoveries. Being cheated on and lied to sucks! BEING DRUGGED SUXXXXX. Being so alone in discovering trauma/what truly happened to you sucks. Escaping abuse and hopelessness on your own because the people who promised to help you and convinced you to place all your bets on them before they bailed on you leaving you helpless, vulnerable, alone and betrayed sucks. My life so far has been nothing but misery. I nearly gave up multiple times because of how worthless i felt, because every time I tried to escape the misery I was cast further into it. Every day I felt discarded, replaced, worthless, a burden who people were relieved to abandon after years of pressuring me to open up and trust them, only to let me watch them grow happier with someone else. I felt like my situation, my pain and the abuse I endured was a heavy and disgusting mass on my shoulders, something nobody deserved to see or share or carry for me. I hid away. I even gave into the abuse at one point because life had taught me that even the people who promised to help me, wouldn’t. I couldn’t escape on my own. I was trapped, cornered by the careful thinking of my abusers. I needed help, but could no longer ask for it because life had taught me that only ended in blood and tears. Never trust anyone, no matter how hard they try to make you trust them, to rely on them, lean on them, love them with your whole heart…just don’t. They won’t feel anything when they decide to stop caring, when they realise you weren’t lying about being heavy with suffering. They won’t look back when they leave for someone more convenient, more comfortable, more …NOT you.

if it weren’t for the final, tiny, damp spark that was the words in my head saying ‘one last time…’ with my current partner. ..I wouldn’t be here. My life has been hardship after hardship. Physically, I’m chronically unwell and can’t live without constantly worrying about my extremely delicate health. It’s only gotten worse now with my heart. Mentally, my mind is fundamentally broken and formed differently to a healthy brain due to being tortured from 3 years old. Emotionally, I’m weak and fragile, I can barely handle simple stresses without falling apart. But god, even though shits gotten worse, at the same time it’s gotten better.

George, I know you’ll read this because you read everything I write. I know you’ll know what I’m talking about, that you’ll understand. I know you’ll look at me with the same eyes and lean in to hug me once you’re done reading.

In 2020, I nearly let myself die because I thought nothing else but death could free me from the heart ache and shattering emotional pain I felt physically every day. I decided to hang on because of shame, thinking I wasn’t worthy enough to kms.

In 2021 I got into an abusive relationship. I was abused physically, emotionally and sexually every day and I had no way out but to go back to my abusive home. I did go back, and I nearly died once more.

In 2022, I barely remember anything. The days blurred together and nothing felt real. It all felt like the grey mass had spread to my brain and made me dumb. I felt like static. A single, dull tone that rang on and on and never stopped. I was given a life saving surgery, I remember that. It stopped one of my chronic pains from destroying me for a temporary amount of time. The pain had been bedridden, crying out and vomiting in my sheets.

But then there was you. I remember the day so well…I was deleting every app I had that allowed me to meet new people. Dating apps, friends, all. I have never had any friends before, nobody real who actually loved me, or cared enough to stay beyond when I was being used for something. Nobody seemed to work out. I thought “I’ve used up my love, huh. That was my last chance, and it hurt so bad that I won’t ever be able to fall in love again. Even though that’s all I’ve ever wanted…someone to love, and someone to love me.” And with the last app before me I used up the last of my swipes before I was supposed to delete it and never try again. I was supposed to drift after that, drift and obey until I died…but you happened and ruined it all.

I only paused because your face felt familiar, I thought maybe I’d seen you once before. Maybe a “friend” knew you.

We started talking, and all of a sudden I felt a tiny smile crease my lips. That hadn’t happened since …

We spoke and spoke all night, relating our interests and goals. We met the next day, and all day I realised over and over again; you’re just like me. I don’t mean the similar surface level stuff like the fact that you liked to draw, or had characters you loved to think about, or you had games I knew of…I mean that you were like me. You almost gave up, you’d been tricked into loving people who only saw you as something to pass the time. Nobody you loved ever loved you the same way you did; even if they insisted they did. That when you said “I’ll never not love you, I won’t leave unless you want me to” to past lovers you MEANT it. You were damaged. You were broken apart and had given so much of yourself away and used up so much of your heart to just keep yourself alive that you weren’t sure if you were really alive anymore at all. All you wanted was love. Pure, kind and patient love. That when you look into the future you only ever wanted to see someone with you. You were alone but not by choice.

10 months later and here we are, sitting side by side, sleeping and keeping each other warm simply by blood and thoughts. I never thought I’d trust anyone ever again, nor love again…yet here we are. Every day we look at each other and think “I’m so glad I kept going. I’m so glad you understand. I’m so SORRY that you had to be wounded over and over so that your stolen flesh revealed your vulnerable insides to me…only so i could see you for who you are and recognise that we had the same heart. I love you, and I know you won’t leave until I leave, but that won’t happen. Because who in their right mind would EVER leave such a beautiful thing behind?”

I love you, thank you. And you are always welcome, welcome here with me.

[littlestsnicket]

hmm i feel like i had a quite different take on the end of good omens season 2 than what i’m seeing people talk about, but i kind of want to rewatch it before i share what i’m thinking in case i’m wrong? i don’t really think i’m wrong.

idk. i’m waiting for someone to email me back before i can do the thing i’m supposed to do for work.

fuck it.

so, the thing is, i think aziraphale would have gone to heaven anyway. like, it went the way it did because the metatron manipulated him, but if someone had flat out told him ‘the leader of heaven needs to bring about the second coming, do you want that to be you?’ aziraphale 100% would have said yes to try and stop it. this is consistent with what we see in season 1, and it’s consistent with michael sheen’s look of fear but mostly grim determination in the elevator before he smooths it out again so the metatron doesn’t notice.

and crowley knows. i think he’s terrified in the bookshop that aziraphale is at his most naive and can’t deal with this. and i think at the end that crowley is still deeply upset about how aziraphale is going about this, but i don’t read the face david tennent is making at the end as sad or angry or hopeless. that’s also grim determination. whatever he sees when aziraphale enters the elevator reassures him that that is his angel who forced the armies of heaven and hell to stand down with a rhetorical trick and who can wield a fuckin exploding halo.

crowley is upset that this is happening. he feels so deeply how unfair it is that he and aziraphale are too closely tied to earth to run, that they’ve already saved the world once and they likely have to do it again, he feels betrayed that this is god’s plan, but he also knows and trusts aziraphale. he knows that, while aziraphale is emotionally vulnerable and fragile in many ways, the moment everything he loves is on the line, he can handle whatever the universe throws at him. he can pull off the magic trick that he would fumble under less than life or death pressure.

[aftokrator-official]

musing on it and i feel like for each wt character i am drawn to whumping there is a distinct unique flavor that is especially tasty to me

yuuma: he is so small. he is SO SMALL. seemingly highly physically breakable while actually very physically and emotionally resilient makes me want to crunch him. force his bottled-up trauma to the surface, force him to feel his own weakness, take away his armor both literal and figurative and make him so, so very vulnerable 😌

jin: ripe for emotional whump, primarily. he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and he doesn't ever let himself stop. now he's in love with a dying boy and the future is bearing down on them both and jin can't help but take responsibility for all of it, it's what he does, it's who he is. how far can he push himself before he falls apart?

inukai: break that smiling mask of his and leave him raw and exposed, unable to handle the flood of his own emotions and trauma. without his facade he's empty underneath and he doesn't want anyone to see him like this, least of all the people he loves most. he can't ask for help. all he can do is hide, and wait for the ones who find him to turn away in disgust.

izumi: he's confident, high-spirited, more than a little cocky with the talent to back it up. i want him in over his head, overwhelmed by a situation so far outside his experience and training that he has no idea how to handle it and breaks himself to pieces in the attempt. i want him irrevocably changed, the painful contrast between izumi as he was and the quiet, subdued shadow left behind in the aftermath.

kikuchihara: break his spirit, even if he fights every step of the way until he has nothing left. he's strong, but fragile, and once he's isolated and helpless i don't think it'll take much to make him shatter. without all his bravado and sharp-tongued wit he is just so very small. utagawa holding him wrapped up in his arms, grounding him with the sound of his heartbeat, trying painstakingly and lovingly to put the pieces of him back together, desperate to protect him even if it's arguably far too late.

azuma: he is steady and calm and so incredibly kind, someone to be relied upon; the respect and love so many have for him speaks for itself. it's a special kind of cruelty to use that same kindness against him, make him helpless to protect the ones he feels responsible for, even make him complicit in their suffering. i want to strip away his dignity - and he'll do it himself, if he must, if that's what it takes to protect his own. give him guilt and self-loathing that eats him alive. he's always taking care of everyone around him and now those closest to him must do the same for him, even if they have no idea how.

ninomiya: you don't even need to torment him. he does that to himself. beneath that stoic facade he wants to desperately to believe in, he's a torrent of emotions he has no idea how to manage and deeply isolated by his own pride. and it will hurt him, breaking down those walls, even if it's for his own good. he needs azuma, willing to hold him down and look into his eyes and tell him in no uncertain terms, you are enough. i love you. (and if azuma is taken from him - well. what then?)

[myplasticadversary]

That post you reblogged about about the "Shiv is repressing femininity in a man's world" take being misogynistic is sooo interesting!! I love Succ conversations (and Shiv Roy) so I'm gonna try to give my two cents on this, feel free to read if you're so obliged!

(BTW I'm about to talk about gender stuff as a questioning cis woman - my apologies if I word something wrong- TERFS: kick rocks and don't touch this!).

----

The real issue with this take imo is that we're not all on the same page with what "feminine" means. To some people in fandom, I think "feminine" brings up bad associations with "warm, maternal tradwife w/ no autonomy." This makes sense considering the horrible landscape of film and TV that has reduced women into bad archetypes. In the case of Shiv, if we were using "feminine" that way, I would also be weirded out. It would feel like we were heading towards the godawful "jaded tomboy archetype needs to fixed so she can be the wife and mother she was always meant to be" vibes. Barf.

The way I have always interpreted the layers of Shiv's gender is that I have no idea what/how much actual GENDER she's repressing, but she is definitely repressing traits ASSOCIATED with cis women. Logan hates traits he sees as womanly or emasculated in any form from his kids (submissiveness, emotional expression like crying, warmth) and that's what Shiv adapted to, just like her brothers.

I think it's impossible to tell whether she's INHERENTLY more masculine or feminine (I lean towards Tomboy/grunge!Shiv, imagine her in a massive plaid sweater and jeans, but that's just a headcanon lol). I don't necessarily need to know either- I think not knowing the sibling's full backgrounds is far more compelling as a story.

All the Roy siblings struggle in their rigid gender expectations, though. Kendall is emotionally vulnerability, and when he's finally away from his dad he cries his heart out to his siblings and it gives him the ultimate release. Roman would rather die than tell his dad he's sexually submissive (the ultimate feminine, emasculated position) but he LOVES being a sub. Shiv is the same way- she resists caring about her siblings and she pretends that she's not hurt when her parents insult her. But like her brothers, when she allows herself to go there, she gets catharsis too.

There are other readings and interpretations of Shiv that are less gender-based and more trauma-focused (and very valid), this is just my interpretation. I was raised by almost all men and have some gender feelings going on in my personal life rn, so projection could be at play here! If you did read, thank you so much. I love discussions of gender in Succession and I hope you can find something of value in there!

Marinating on this, but I don't think it's necessarily tradwife femininity that's being prescribed to Shiv, at least so far as I've seen. It's more like, I think, essentially having her be girl Kendall, fragile and needy and self-hating, or like all of her personality is just her adapting to perform hardness and isn't genuine. I feel like there's gotta be some nuanced gray area between softening her like that and making her out to be purely, like, Don Draper with tits.

[alelele-888-444]

astro 🥰

1.) Moon in aspect to sun: “Attention greedy”

the queen and king complex, emotionally dissociating when they feel as though they’re being ignored or not receiving the attention the believe the deserve. They can project a cold exterior to cope and try to fantasize about scenarios in which they’re “the baddest bitch thus far” some with harsher aspects may use the charm instilled in them to physically create this reality and leave others in their tracks. They need to practice a bit of humility and objectivity! These natives often fail to look at others in a “human” light often unfairly expecting the most from them when those whom they expect the world from might already be giving them a galaxy.

2.) Moon in aspect to mars: “emotional aggression” 

these natives suffer from what I like to call restless emotional expression. Unlike moon in Aries which is naturally restless on an emotional level or cancer mars that is naturally defensive/internal emotionally these natives actually meet in the middle of both of these themes but in a more raw way. They have a hard time approaching things in a none personal manner and because of this they can seem as if they’re constantly on edge or easy to trigger, causing others around them to feel intimidated or even weary to explaining anything to these natives-as the response could very well be unpredictable. These natives need to learn that no one is out to get them! Sometimes people are just trying to do whats best for you! No one is trying to undermine you! And having an ego that’s so fragile like that is a reflection of the insecurities lying in you.

3.) Moon in aspect to Jupiter: “emotional honesty” 

these natives are often caught in what I like to call the on going happy train! But this can also be an issue because as far as having a realistic grasp on life’s situations; these natives lack that important quality of “realism.” They view life as a uphill battle that hits you a few times but the spiritual and emotional rewards from these battles build character to them. Though there is nothing wrong with being optimistic and honestly these are SOME of the most happy and genuine folks you’ll ever meet—one must still be observant of the lack of seriousness embedded in them that at times can make people only see them as a “good time” or “free spirit” but make it hard for people to see them in a more studious or reliable manner. These natives need to learn that it’s okay to cry sometimes! To let the smile down and actually experience sadness or pain. Nothing in life is all sunshine’s.

4.) Moon in aspect to Uranus: “emotional detachment” 

the disappearing act. These natives are very guilty be it positive or harsh aspect of pulling a fast and speedy get away when things get to heavy. Not to say all with this aspect do it for the same reasons but there is a notable tendency to need to brake away when someone tries to get to close, even if it’s a family member. They can open up to friends-(and even that is rare) but those whom they actually have intense feelings for tend to get the short end of the stick. These natives aren’t emotional voids, rather they are an intricate design waiting to be understood, the problem is they don’t let anyone get close enough to try and this is not only a downfall but it’s a emotional road block that many of them have to get over if they wish to understand other aspects of their moon sign. Learn to give things a chance! We know how welcoming and how open you are to new things?! But why don’t you look at the emotions you feel as something new and exciting to give a try?

5.) Moon in aspect to Neptune: “emotional illusion” 

These natives see what they want to see, and at times it’s what makes them feel emotionally safe. These natives are very vulnerable to the world due to their deep receptivity and emotional resonance with others. To combat the hardships and often less glamorous side of life they spend much of their time unknowingly viewing people in a portrait like image, completely unlike what the person might actually be like. They have a hard time seeing things for what it is and often upon being disillusioned they can have the nasty habit of acting as if everyone played them in some horrible joke, when in reality the only one who took part in the joke was them. They have to learn to take people how they are not how they want them to be.

6.) Moon in aspect to Pluto: “emotional intensity” 

there is a tendency to allow their emotions eat away at them, these natives have such a powerful emotional energy but they often don’t watch how it’s being expressed which can often either create an air of tension or unknowingly attract negative energy to them. Due to the intensity and powerful nature of Pluto there is a pronounced karmic energy that surrounds these individuals that often is tied to how they’re feeling, and if not kept in check they can shroud those around them in the same bad mood they happen to be in. These natives in turn tend to blame others for acting shady or untruthful/mysterious and or evil when in reality it’s the type of energy they’re unknowingly sending out into the universe! These natives need to practice healthy energy releases as to not let any malefic feelings build up and express itself as atmospheric tension.

7.) Moon in aspect to Lilith: “emotional judgement” 

there is a tendency for these natives to have this “the fittest survive” mentality which can push people away. They view life in a very black and white mentality that in a sense can pass judgment on others without really even giving them a chance. They are so powerful and genuine but this can already scare some who might not have the same confidence or even the same level of emotional comfortability. These natives often waste so much of their psychic and spiritual abilities on building emotional walls and setting unfair judgements on others. They need to learn vulnerability and hubris.

[punkpandapatrixk]

🏮Who’s that Girl I See?—Timeless Tarot Pick A Card

Title says ‘girl’ for aesthetic purposes, but as always, this PAC is universally gender-neutral a.k.a. unisex~☯Though I guess, it may indeed speak more to the Yin (feminine) aspect within all of us~👑

[Back to Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2]

Looking at all the Priestess cards (for the bonus content) and the over-abundance of Wands—followed by Cups—energy… Y’all are such passionate peeps and you feel deeply. This world being a world such as this may not always be friendly towards individuals like you, and for that, you may have suffered a great deal emotionally and spiritually. But look! Every card at the bottom of each deck looks like this!🔻

II The High Priestess Rx, Priestess of Shine & Silver Geographer (Francis Drake)

The High Priestess in reverse… and to think the name Drake means dragon!! Holy Bad Bitch🎻🐉🩰Take up space and fuckin' SHINE, motherdragon~🧸💛💛💛🎀

Pile 1 - Emerald Ocean of Feelings

what you’re holding inside – King of Wands Rx

You’re a generous person with an exquisite kind of kindness. Your heart is genuinely very, very good but this world has brought you so much darkness. You often feel like crying in public, but you know nobody would appreciate your vulnerability anyway, so you keep an ocean of feelings all to yourself. There’s an inner battle you’re fighting: as much as you try to hide your fragile heart, you endeavour to appear tough. As much as there are obligations to fulfil, there’s just as much image to maintain. So…

You created a lot of limitations for yourself. You’re holding yourself to a very high standard of conduct. Can’t appear weak, lacking, lesser than anybody else. You can’t stand the idea of being disrespected—but this isn’t petty ego; this is your protecting your heart from getting damaged by other people’s careless conduct. And thus, these restrictions—and mostly fears—are keeping you from showing the full spectrum of your heart’s generosity.

But the truth is, you’re a Kingly character—a person with leaderlike qualities— who has a lot of compassion for what other people are going through. If only the world hadn’t made you feel so powerless, you’d be more than glad to carry forward those who are suffering. I sense you may be small, cute, or just unrealistically gentle and soft that this has given people the wrong impression about your strong spirit and rich inner world.

VIBE: Dorothy by SULLI

what little you’re showing outside – 2 of Cups Rx

Putting up barbed wire around your heart, you’re stopping everyone to touch the deepest layers of your being. You’re protecting your emotional world by putting up this sparkly show in your physical world. Perhaps you toughened up the way you talk, you changed your aesthetics, you buy big houses or own several jet planes; you have a lot of wonderful things in your material world so people don’t see how vulnerable your Soul is. You want to be invincible, so you make your Heart invisible.

Your biggest goal is to be seen as a Queen of Swords whilst in reality you’re a Queen of Cups. But you think the Queen of Cups is weak, so you killed her. You killed your softness and now people see you, from time to time, that you’re unnecessarily harsh, mean, or cruel. Because you’re trying too hard to become the logical, stern, unfuckwithable Queen of Swords, so you took only the harsher qualities of this Queen. It’s like a weird coping mechanism or survival tactic because you find this world too much to bear with just softness.

By becoming this persona, you often find yourself feeling trapped. But you also know that this golden cage is a prison of your own making, and damn, it feels safer this way. Because up until now, you haven’t really met anybody who can see your flaws and still wholly accept you for who you are. And it’s painful to feel envious of the love others take for granted—that thing that seems to come ever so naturally to them. And it’s tragic because you’re the one viewed by everyone else as having it all.

VIBE: INVU by Taeyeon

wearing your CROWN unapologetically – 5 of Wands Rx

Obviously, the first thing to do is make peace with yourself. You battle a lot with a sense of self-loathing because of the way the world outside of you has made you feel. Even the fact that you’ve needed to harden just for survival makes you hate yourself, because you’re rejecting what’s inherently kind about you and that makes you sad. You’re not a bad person, honey. Other people form shit opinions about you after you changed your game and you mistakenly took those assumptions as truth.

Uh-uh-uh. Stop that. Remember yourself from the inside. Realise yourself from the inside out. Bring back the Light and have the courage to say ‘no’ to other people’s ideas, opinions, or rules about what you can be. The world is yours and that Life is yours. You don’t need other people’s approval on your fucking existence. OK? You are your own ideal type and role model!

Prioritising yourself for the sake of the development of your healthy self-esteem won’t turn you into a selfish bastard. Originally, you’re already someone with a kind heart and that sets you apart from those who are already a selfish bastard. Weak, poor-souled fuckards are selfish (and destructive) because they don’t believe in being generous with others. That’s why their character is rotten. You’re not like that. You’re an Emerald ocean of compassion. Now go shine and act like the Queen of Cups you’re meant to be✨👸🌹

VIBE: Better by BoA

Amplifying your natural attraction🔻💜

your very own unique identity – Red Astrologer (William Lilly)

synthesising: AS WITHIN SO WITHOUT – Priestess of Good Fortune

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – A Monster Held Captive

what you’re holding inside – 3 of Cups

You’re honestly a bit crazy. You’re strange, unique, unorthodox; you’re just different. Frankly, one in a billion of absolutely common personalities. Your inner world is so rich, so vast, so cosmic; but out here in the real world, you’re underappreciated. And you became afraid of showing yourself fully, and because of that there is unspeakable chaos inside of you and you’re trying your best to manage it. The term tortured artist may apply to you.

Rather than ‘hiding’, you’re actually controlling the monster within; which you think is crucial for survival. If you want to be at least accepted, even if only on a surface level. After all, we can’t live a totally solitary life lest we cease to exist. Half of you reading this are hard at work taming this monster within, but the other half of you may have tried multiple times to change yourself—to become like everyone else. Either way this kills you from the inside, because in a way, you’re rejecting yourself.

Because of this, you often don’t even know your true personality. Other people say you’re hard to figure out or that you seem to have a lot of hobbies or everchanging interests, aesthetics, like you can’t stick with just one that you like. They make it sound like it’s a bad thing what you’re doing, whilst not grasping you’re just constantly running away from yourself. You scour for different aesthetics as a form of escapism from the real things that you like; because the things that you do like seem like rubbish to society.

VIBE: Heart Burn by SUNMI; I’m good at goodbyes by BIBI for some

what little you’re showing outside – Knight of Cups Rx

Because people haven’t been exceedingly kind towards your unique expression, you hold back from showing fully the true colours of your personality. If anything, you’ve tried so hard to act like a normal person, but the more you try, the weirder you appear in the eye of others. There’s always something special, a different aura surrounding you. You can’t hide this, babe, so why bother trying?

But anyway, forever feeling like you don’t belong has caused you a greater deal of chaos and suffering within. And because you’re constantly battling yourself, your external behaviours aren’t always in SYNK either. There’s the part that wants to be seen as just the same as others, and god knows how hard you try to hide your brilliance, but when you’re careless for one second, all sparkles break loose cuz you’re too fucking original. Meanwhile, there’s the other part that gets people the idea that you’re unreliable, a liar, or fake, simply because you keep changing your styles or opinions. They don’t get it that you’re just SO complex. You’re not 1D like 97% of the Human race; you’re not even 4D like those funny people; you’re a 5D dragon, honey.

Boring people with a lacklustre personality talk big about wanting to be unique. But when they’re as different—as weird and wonderful—as you are and finally taste discrimination, they’ll understand why you’ve wanted, and tried, to be ordinary your whole Life. Somehow, somehow, you hold back even your breath because you fear breathing comfortably might accidentally burn those small insects to nothingness🌬🔥🐲💨tch

VIBE: Lucid Dream by aespa

wearing your CROWN unapologetically – Ace of Pentacles Rx

TAKE UP SPACE, honey baby dragon!! So what if others can’t be comfortable with themselves when they see you BURN like that? It’s not your fault the Universe blesses you with so much ORIGINALITY! As if God hand-picked you out of billions of stars and decided you’re too precious to be made in the likeness of fucking peasants! What can you do? You’re too singular like that. There’s only so much you can do to betray your Light, honey.

In a world where everyone is expected to look and behave like everyone else, you hold close to your heart the original blueprint of your own personality. Sparkly shit like that is hated by Earthlings who don’t possess a backbone to be themselves. Your sheer presence irritates them because you make them realise what they’ve allowed to die inside of them. But shine anyway! Because—

There are so many people in this world and there’s bound to be those who are on the same wavelength as you. Such people need a role model! To remind them their own POTENTIALS. Such people are also struggling to keep their originality intact because this world has a hobby of murdering authenticity! For such a long time, you’ve wished for a Soul Tribe of people who can understand you. But your kind is far and between. So at least one individual has to Light Up. You have to let the Fire of your Soul burn so brightly so that others see you—so you can find each other.

‘Look at Me, I’m your QUEEN! aju manjokseureopge’ ‘You know what I deserve? DESSERT!’

VIBE: DEEP & DESSERT by HYO

Amplifying your natural attraction🔻💛

your very own unique identity – Gold Alchemist (Roger Bacon)

synthesising: AS WITHIN SO WITHOUT – Priestess of Prosperity

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Cursed with Staggering Beauty

what you’re holding inside – 10 of Wands Rx

There’s something really tragic about this Pile. You’re someone who has mega talents and you’ve worked so hard your entire Life. But you’re not even sure what you’ve been working hard at. It only feels like you’re trying to survive a world that doesn’t welcome you. You make me think of Arachne a lot. Cursed by a jelly bitch who was 100x more powerful than you.

If not in this lifetime, maybe in a past incarnation, you slighted someone powerful who was also petty (or you were accused of doing something bad or maybe you did do something bad) and now you’re living the consequences of that. You feel as if you had to atone for a past sin. Although other people can see your worth, you struggle a lot with feeling like you’re any good. Do you maybe have Chiron in your 1st or 12th House?

At any rate, I know you’ve been struggling a lot and I think you often find breathing itself is already hard work. But I want to convince you that the moment you find this reading, something mega important is rolling out in your Life. Maybe most of it is happening behind the scenes so you can’t see it yet. But this reading found you! And so, this Light that’s contained within… these talents that are supposed to assist you in co-creating an abundant Life… they’re coming online fast and they’re gonna serve you BIG TIME🌞🍄

VIBE: Arachne by Kaya; TAIL by SUNMI for some

what little you’re showing outside – 3 of Wands Rx

On a spirit level, you’re powerful and blessed with many creative talents. YOU KNOW THIS. But you’re always unsure of yourself. You have this keen ability to notice other people who are more talented than you and that reduces your confidence in what you can deliver. But to complicate matters, you also notice those who are lesser than you and that makes you hold back so that you don’t accidentally be seen as a show-off. You don’t want people to hate you for being better than them.

I feel you have what’s called a siren beauty. You attract unnecessary envy and hate because people can’t understand who you are. They’re fascinated, but not always in the greatest sense. They say all kinds of things behind your back because they’re trying to make sense out of you. All gossip though; barely any truth. Meanwhile, you also hold, probably, a past life trauma in which you were persecuted for being different/beautiful/talented/good—whatever, the world is crazy when it’s jelly.

As a result, you’ve learnt to be a chameleon. Changing your attitude, personality, vibe, even the tone of your voice, depending on the situation at hand. This is survival; and this drains the heck out of you. At the end of the day, you’re exhausted after trying so hard to fit yourself into different characters other people hopefully would accept.

VIBE: CAMO by BoA

wearing your CROWN unapologetically – 6 of Wands

Honey, you’re a natural-born celebrity, OK? Maybe you have South/North Node in Leo or 5th House? Maybe you have a fuckton of Pluto or Neptune placements? Whatever the case, without even trying you fascinate the public. Might as well flaunt all that you are. The right people are gonna be drawn to your natural magnetism for the right reasons. You could even have a following or fanbase. Why not? Seems to me you were born for fame~🤩Whatever the scale may be.

Embrace this idea: fuck everybody’s opinions about who you are or what you’re doing in Life; those things don’t pay the bills, OK? As long as you have a clear vision about what you’re meant to do in this lifetime, no matter how hard it may be to actualise that because other people are viewing you unkindly, you’ll get there eventually. In fact, you’re so destined for great success and wealth in this lifetime. Nothing can stop you at this point!

The key is just loving yourself fully and accepting your fate. From that pool of empowered consciousness you’re constantly creating a destiny meant for your highest good. You were born with staggering beauty and this is not a curse; this is your blessing if you know how to play your cards right😏You were dealt bad cards, but you’re so smart you won anyway! BAM!🧐

VIBE: The Greatest by BoA

Amplifying your natural attraction🔻🧡

your very own unique identity – Red Astronomer (Johannes Kepler)

synthesising: AS WITHIN SO WITHOUT – Priestess of Fertility

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

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Feel free to support me on Patreon if you love this kind of content🍑I create stories and tarot readings that calm the mind & heal from within🍒

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[crystalsenergy]

dos and don'ts - Saturn placements 💡

(Painting by Edward Hopper)

In this post I talk about what I think is essential for Saturn placements to make your life better or, at least, less troubled.

Saturn is a planet of control, rigidity, and the area where Saturn touches in your natal chart tend to be lived with limitations, whether these limitations are brought up by situations in your life or by your own attitudes. With a more restricted approach and aiming for control, the natives may believe that they are being mature and wise, when in reality they are preventing themselves from fully living that area of ​​life, which they are practicing extreme control.

In summary, regardless of the position: don't listen to the rigid internal demands of Saturn, because sometimes what is masked as maturity and rigidity in the background ends up manifesting itself as immaturity. This will become clearer as I explain placements.

Saturn in Aries / Saturn in the 1st house: don't be defensive, don't take everything personally when it comes to someone talking about your personality. Take care of a tendency to impose yourself for fear of appearing aggressive. Try to distribute your energies in the right way for your projects. Don't compare yourself to others. Don't feel inferior. Don't be afraid to start something. Don't doubt your potential. Don't be afraid to jump into new things. Don't be afraid to say what needs to be said. Don't depend on others. Don't put yourself down. See your potential. Try to continue the projects you started. Take care of your self-esteem. Take care of your temper. The fear of appearing weak can, paradoxically, make you very aggressive or domineering. Don't make thoughtless and reckless decisions, seek to put energy out. Try to develop your personality, identity and seek to know yourself. Self-knowledge can be the key to becoming more mature.

Saturn in Taurus / Saturn in the 2nd house: don't allow the fear of not being safe to keep you in negative situations for longer than usual. Don't be self-indulgent. Don't deny pleasures and love to yourself. Don't let the fear of not having money and material goods make you deny yourself the least. At the same time, learn to take care of your financial matters in a balanced way. Don't let insecurities affect your sense of finding yourself in the world. Don't let your fears and insecurities limit your experiences. The fear of loss can ultimately stop you from achieving things. Try to develop your sense of self-worth and self-importance. Be open to change. Don't stick to the same lifestyle forever. Beware of inactivity, lack of action, and an exaggerated search for comfort.

Saturn in Gemini / Saturn in the 3rd house: don't think about everything so much that it paralyzes you from acting. Note if there are any insecurities regarding your knowledge or ability to be intelligent. Try not to reduce your own mental capacity believing that you aren't good at some area. Don't limit your ability to learn. Beware of anxiety. Don't doubt yourself on a mental level. Don't keep revisiting everything you said. Believe more in your potential to learn. Trust more in your ability to inform and express your thoughts well. Yes, you have the capacity to occupy intellectual spaces, to develop your mental side and to learn. Why not?

Saturn in Cancer / Saturn in the 4th house: avoid emotionally distancing yourself from others for fear of being vulnerable. Beware of an emotional closure that gives the impression that everything is fine, when in reality you mask your internal and fragile feelings all the time. Don't be afraid to be fragile. Accept full emotional experiences, not half. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Don't be afraid to connect emotionally with people. Develop your emotional side, connect with yourself in that sense. Don't be orthodox-minded or too fixed on family or emotional matters. Don't be emotionally defensive. Don't be afraid to share intimacy and deeper emotions. Don't sabotage your emotional life, forcing yourself to shut up in the face of annoyance. Don't act like a person who denies the process of your own emotions. When you live on the inside in an exaggerated way, especially when you already tend to be emotionally defensive, you can have a very sensitive view of life, believing that the people around you always have something against you and they are trying to hurt you. If you act in such a way, your image can become externally rigid, controlled, and closed, but internally very sensitive, insecure, and defensive. Beware of the paradox: emotional ""detachment"" versus emotional dependence.

Saturn in Leo / Saturn in the 5th house: Like Saturn in Cancer, this placement brings defensiveness. But this defensiveness has to do with the ego, with the person's view of her/himself. Leo is a sign that relates to self-awareness, to the people's conceptions of themselves. Leo rules the 5th house, the one that relates to the self that is already being formed after going through the primary notions of who you want to be and how you will show yourself to others (1st house). Here we have an individuality that wants to express itself more intensely. And that is exactly what Saturn touches and affects. Saturn in Leo or in the 5th house brings problems with the people's sense of what they must demonstrate. People with this placement may fail to see the content of their ego, the good things may get blurred from their vision, as they tend to take a more critical, harsh, and rigid view of who they have been. But is not only that. Saturn in Leo and in the 5th house negatively contributes to the person showing her/himself to the world as someone closed, someone that doesn't feel good about telling the world who he/she is. This person restricts various experiences in which it is naturally required and expects her/him to demonstrate talents and personality traits. With that in mind, try your best to observe when you are acting in a way that limitsexperiences that could contribute to 1) showing your characteristics to the world; 2) allow you to develop your skills and see your own potentials. Another area affected is love, fun, leisure, the inner "child" that exists within all of us, and that needs to be brought out from time to time. Allow your inner child to be nourished in a healthy and natural way, precisely to prevent such inner needs (which we all have) from coming to the surface in the form of defensiveness, jealousy, envy, comparison, low self-esteem. Express what you feel without always putting a label on what you feel and want to do. Know more about who you are. When we don't dominate ourselves and don't say who we are, we can become prone to being defined by others. Be open to love and to be loved. Question inner ideas about your "unlovability". Learn to relax. Review rigid and very critical views about your own personality. Allow yourself to be an extroverted person, occupy spaces, express yourself and be happy. Don't sabotage your own happiness. Don't accept little things when you deserve more. Create a healthy sense of self that is integrated with who you really are - and less based on experiences or external voices.

Saturn in Virgo / Saturn in the 6th house: the 6th house is related to duties, organization, sense of usefulness, mind, health, hygiene, it is the first house in the zodiacal order dealing with the practical and earthly issues that surround our life. Saturn in Virgo or in the 6th house represents a great rigidity in relation to routine, organization. The natives naturally tend to have a boss within them demanding that they do things here and there. Because of this, demands can make them feel criticized, undervalued, as if people don't see their efforts. Even if the efforts don't always become concrete because another Saturn in Virgo/Saturn in the 6th house is the person's tendency to plan too much, be so organized and do everything right in their mind, but sometimes fail to put this into practice. Optimize your time. See if all your mental practicality has been put into practice, if your desires for practicality have been used in something. Beware of over duties. Let people solve their own problems. Observe if you are not putting aside your progress and focusing only on your faults and "mistakes". Pay attention not to be defensive when someone demands something of you. Reevaluate your process of effectively planning a task, see if you're not being so detailed and demanding that you can't express your intentions. Take care of the feeling of not being good in a certain area you are studying. Don't neglect your health, even if you are one of the most concerned about it on an internal level. Be careful, pay close attention to a tendency to push yourself too hard: not get something done and then live a day/week with a mark of "I didn't do it the way I should have". Review your concepts about yourself, about what your productivity needs to be.

Saturn in Libra / Saturn in the 7th house: This placement brings a person's need for a more serious and responsible approach to love. This doesn't necessarily mean that everyone with this placement will deal with love in this way, as this depends on the rest of the chart. But this is a trend. The native with this placement should avoid being afraid of relationships because of insecurities or fear of opening. And when I mention relationships, I don't speak exclusively of the loving ones. People with this placement tend to be observant in the sense that they are watching others relate and closing themselves off to experience the same in their own lives. Avoid sabotaging your love life for fear of opening. Build your self-confidence, your potential to relate and interact with others. Find a balance between giving and receiving. Accept that you too deserve to receive love, affection, and attention. Learn to say no. Don't be a person who gives too much to others and doesn't know how to select who, when and how much to give, and ends up feeling undervalued. Avoid doubting your ability to relate and be helpful. Don't deny your needs. Don't be afraid of situations that involve relationships and interacting with people (including someone new, an acquaintance). Build your self-esteem. Be careful not to look for a social pattern to fit in. Don't live wanting to please others, try to meet your self, seek to know yourself. Don't take criticism personally.

Saturn in Scorpio / Saturn in the 8th house: don't be afraid to be intimate with others. Avoid blocking access to your own deepest mind and deepest part of your personality. Don't deny your potentials to yourself. Don't have a closed and conservative mind for mystical and intense subjects, taboo. Beware of the tendency to run away from denser aspects of your personality, and to live with a more practical, Saturnian approach to almost everything. Don't try to control people or your own deepest feelings. Don't doubt your contact with spirituality. Develop a natural sense of worth and belonging. Don't live the frustrations only in an internal way, externalize more, or at least try to work with such feelings. Beware of an excess of introspection and living in your inner world, this can create a worldview that in some situations can bring to your mind visions that are too different from what things really are. Channel your inner energies, feelings, and frustrations. Don't hide these feelings from yourself. Admit your need for vulnerability. Don't hide feelings that may seem irrational. Take care of your mental and emotional health.

Saturn in Sagittarius / Saturn in the 9th house: don't close yourself off to new, dense matters that seem to challenge your mind and what you have known so far. Accept contact with the unknown. Avoid having a constantly closed mind to what is new and different. Avoid fanaticism. Don't doubt your own ability to learn deep and dense things. Don't feel incapable to higher education. Accept your place in the world as an individual who is part of something bigger. Beware of a fear of not feeling belonging, and precisely for this reason, seek fixed philosophies and lifestyles that bring some kind of comfort to this fear. Our life philosophies, beliefs and thoughts also need improvement from time to time. Be careful not to have a very rigid belief system. Avoid retrograde thoughts. Try to have optimism, be more optimistic about life, about situations that involve opportunities. Be less serious and immensely responsible with everything. Try to let life take care of it - when possible. Don't avoid jumping into situations, having fun and relaxing, living new experiences.

Saturn in Capricorn / Saturn in the 10th house: With this placement, all defense mechanisms become even stronger. That's because Saturn restricts things and situations, and Capricorn has the characteristics of Saturn at its core. Saturn in Capricorn can be read in many ways, but regarding the "don'ts", I can say the following things. Don't always be controlling, be it with your material life, with your emotions and even other situations in your life. Learn to try, from time to time, to deal with the unexpected, the unpredictable. Not everything needs to be deeply planned or organized, including when it comes to your career. Don't see others and yourself as someone who needs to achieve something in life to necessarily have value or status. We all have our worth, and a career can be seen as a way of extending that, not the only way to become worthy in the world. Watch out for a tendency to be very controlled by your own fears of lack of stability, ending up making decisions that in the future mean something that doesn't bring personal satisfaction - even if it brings comfort, such as social or material. Don't take responsibility for everything. Don't create defense and control mechanisms for all situations that involve the possibility of instability and unpredictability.

Saturn in Aquarius / Saturn in the 11th house: don't have so many blocks to new friendships and exchanges. Try to join others from time to time too. Don't feel so alone or isolated in the world, even if you sometimes seem misunderstood by friendships. Don't feel that this is an area that is fated to fail. Try to get closer to others too, don't be afraid to see relationships gaining closeness. You may have an insecurity about being accepted and being a part of something. Don't get to the point of reaching one of the extremes of this placement, whether it's being extremely distant from friendships for fear of being disappointed, or constantly putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, opening yourself up to people you can't trust, just to feel that you belong and that you have friends (from my observation, the latter case is rarer, but I could be wrong). Try to interact with other people even if it doesn't mean becoming their friend. It's okay not to be friends with everyone, and I know how you value trust, and how friendship is built. However, this way of working can't make you stay in the same friendships forever, never looking for new people and exchanges, nor can it make you accept friendships and group interactions that conflict with your needs and who you are. Try to get out of your comfort zone from time to time by seeking out new social situations. Be careful that your fear of having your trust betrayed doesn't make you have extreme behaviors in some situations. Allow yourself to dream, develop your intuition.

Saturn in Pisces / Saturn in the 12th house: there's something I said to the natives of Saturn in Scorpio, which I'll mention here: take care of your mental and emotional health. first because Pisces and 12th house has everything to do with it, and second that the dynamics of Saturn in this sign and house tends to be more restricted, Saturn restricts the experiences or ability to experience deeper situations, sensitivity, empathy (including for oneself), and this lack of contact with oneself can make it difficult to recognize internal problems, discomfort, sadness, and, consequently, the person becomes alienated from him/herself. Don't be so vulnerable about showing your vulnerability. Connect more with others in the external sense, externalize your feelings, your frustrations, your fears. Don't be so sure that living within yourself is the way out of dealing with the complexity of this placement. Connect with your inner self, get to know your personality. Look for ways to deal with your problems. Don't feed an inner voice that says you can't expose your weaknesses. Recognize that you tend to have contact with the immaterial things in life and stop blocking your access to that. BEWARE of unhealthy relief valves. Watch out for a tendency to feel alone, misunderstood, but not look for ways to deal with it. People can understand you, opening to the right person can help. Beware of excess melancholy and a duality of melancholy x emotional restriction. There is no way to deal with your emotional and internal issues while you remain closed to yourself.

[flickeringart]

Neptune in aspect (brief overview)

Sun-Neptune: Diffuse sense of self, ill-defined, good at blending in, pleasant to be around, malleable, lacking integrity, preferring to live in a world that is less tangible and more imaginative, artistic, soft-hearted, avoidant, longing, quiet, reserved, contemplative, peaceful, passive, allowing, dreaming, detached, weak in spirit or glamorously radiant, dimmed light/energy, magical and magnetic, enchanting and appealing, retreating, craving solitude, adaptable, compromising one’s wants and desires, difficulty asserting oneself and finding an identity that fits, wanting to give up control, wanting to surrender, drawn to glamour and the “illusion” of perfection, calm and soothing presence, empathetic, kind, sweet, mysterious, extremely intuitive, sacrificing one’s own selfish desires and aspirations, taking the collective feeling into consideration when making decisions, difficulty making up one’s mind, wandering aimlessly in life, heroic, unconditionally loving and accepting, refusing to deny anyone in need, devoting one’s life to a higher cause, idealistic, romantic, absent and detached, easily overwhelmed, self-sabotaging, self-aggrandizing or self-denying.

Since the sun represents father figures in the native’s life, the father could’ve been a sensitive and receptive individual with a dreamy disposition, artistically gifted, spiritually advanced, passive and impressionable, positively inspiring and imaginative or simply incapable in the face of more worldly matters, irresponsible and self-pitying, in denial, sick or incapacitated, overly generous, mad or a little bit delusional. There could be a connection with alcohol and drugs as a means of trying to escape reality. There could also be a tendency to be self-obsessed and hungry for fame and attention. Laziness could also be a factor. The native could feel like they lack a strong father figure – left with only the image or the fantasy of self-importance and individual impact. There could be a risk of idealizing the father to one’s detriment, of living in a false reality relative to who he is/was.

Examples: Sean Connery, Frida Kahlo, George Orwell, Paul McCartney, Marie Antoinette, Frédéric Chopin, Patti Smith

Moon-Neptune: Highly receptive and translucent, deeply caring and empathetic, sensitive to other people’s feeling states, undermining, manipulative, picks up on people’s energies, intolerant of discord, needing beauty and unconditional acceptance, seeking to live in harmony with other people, easily hurt, emotionally blurry, unwilling to demand anything of anyone, wanting a serene and peaceful home environment, lacking a feeling of belonging, having no structure, feeling depleted, being vague, attaching and over-empathizing with people “who don’t deserve it”, forgetting to meet one’s basic needs, enjoying sleep, seeking comfort through music and movies, acting abilities, no sense of boundaries, making sacrifices to stay connected to people, attached to fictive characters and symbolic principals, melancholic, can easily slip into dark moods, feeling the weight of the world, feeling other people’s suffering, slipping into destructive habits, avoidant, hesitant, shy, innocent looking, soothing, caring or neglectful, disinterest in the physical realm, physically weak or fragile, crippling vulnerability, ability to anchor and manifest dreams, sensual, beautiful souls.

Since the moon rules motherly figures in the native’s life, there could’ve been a sense of being mystically/spiritually connected to the mother, of wanting to merge on an emotional level, of being heavily influenced by her ideas, thoughts and moods, of idealizing her, of losing her or needing to save her from something, of missing her. As with Sun-Neptune, the Moon-Neptune could indicate someone who tries to escape through alcohol and drugs, someone who’s dependent, manipulative and clingy. It could also indicate a brilliant imagination and someone who has a lot of love to give. Coping with the mundane chores of daily life could be difficult. The mother could feel victimized by life and broken-hearted in some way, lonely and depressed.

Examples: Will Smith, Dalai Lama, Robert Redford, John Legend, Anne Frank, Angelina Jolie, Keanu Reeves, Mahatma Ghandi

Mercury-Neptune: Soft spoken, good at grasping and defining elusive and abstract feelings, associative thinking, creative, a talent for make-belief, great story tellers, colorful language, foggy mind, making faulty observations, seeing things that aren’t real, making things up, deceiving people, speaking in vague terms, unclear, persuasive, good at putting words to the intangible and imaginative, describing things that are fantastical or subtle, intuitive thinking, making up words, unable to stick to the rules of writing and speaking, making spelling mistakes, writers of fiction, storytellers, channels, mediums, psychics, theatrical and dramatic speakers, healers and counsellors, poets, performers and magicians, illusionists, moving people with words and imagery, a skill for translating symbolic language, telling sob-stories, copy-cats, impressionists, distorting reality, abstract language, refusing to make distinctions, learning by mimicking, swaying people by confusing them, turning the “truth” inside out, influencing people’s thinking, picking up on subtle cues, observant, reserved and receptive to the emotional impact of words, lacking concrete opinions.

Mercury has to do with siblings, friends and casual contacts, the extended family, neighbors and people in the immediate environment. It’s possible that the native has a deep emotional-intuitive connection with people and a desire to stay open and infuse daily interactions with rich emotionality and reflectivity. Perhaps there's difficult knowing what's real/unreal because people are lying or making things up for fun. There could be difficulty believing people and taking their words seriously. Loss of siblings, friends could be associated with this contact, or perhaps a general loneliness and isolation experienced in relation to other people, being immersed in fantasy to the point of blurring the lines between illusion and reality.

Examples: Taylor Swift, Vladimir Putin, Tom Petty, Ingmar Bergman, Nicole Kidman, Emma Watson, Mark Zuckerberg

Venus-Neptune: The highest love, unconditional love, sublime perfection, sacrificial love, love that knows no boundaries, ethereal beauty, connection with the divine, making art, opening of the heart, seeing beauty in everyone, dreaming about relationships, longing for love, wanting to “find the one”, idealizing marriage, going above and beyond to win someone’s affections, subtle and shy advances, high expectations, projection, disillusionment, wanting to save people and feel into them as to know them completely, craving to live happily ever after in a bubble of bliss, prone to disappointment and intolerance for imperfection, alluring, playing the victim, seeking approval, kind, considerate, in love with love, difficulty saying no, lack of boundaries in relationships, playing the victim to get attention, saying “yes” to everything, feeling forced to go along with the crowd, compromising personal values, making promises that can’t be kept, loyal to a fault, prone to heartache and heartbreak, sweet, falling in love with the idea or the image of a person, slippery, impossible to “catch”, fickle, uncertain, passively longing, easily seduced, frequently let down by one’s own expectations, soft and infinitely accommodating, addicted to romance, becoming “intoxicated” by people.

Venus has to do with lovers, partners and social contacts in general which means that the native might have a proclivity to get involved with people that want to be saved or seek a soul connection that transcends this physical existence. The person wants to give in to longings and projections in order to bring heaven to earth, to make everything wonderful and glamorous. There’s difficulty with seeing people for who they are and a tendency to trust too quickly/ignore red flags. There’s also a tendency to romanticize helplessness and shrink from confrontation, in other words, to turn a blind eye and let relationships deteriorate.

Examples: Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne, Salvador Dalí, Zendaya, Bob Marley, George Harrison, Ram Dass, Madonna

Mars-Neptune: Motivated by dreams and the possibility of redemption, magical powers, persuasive, passively aggressive, undermining, drawn to physical activity that involves water (sailing, diving, swimming), might be prone to laziness, coercing people, brooding, escaping, taking the easiest route, self-effacing, making a big deal out of being hurt, toxic emotional anger, fighting for the underdog, rage stemming from perceived victimization, cruelty, justifying destructive actions, avoiding responsibility or taking too much of it, prone to regret, procrastinating, never getting anything done, unambitious and lethargic, sympathizing and advocating for the less privileged, being a rescuer and a savior, failing to perceive boundaries, making mistakes because of a false perception of reality, stubbornly upholding one’s beliefs, condemning things, taking rash actions in order to have a chance of fulfilling a dream, creating art, enjoying loud aggressive music, good imitators, skillful actors, copying people, fighting for a big cause, doing “the right thing”, physically responsive to subtlety or completely detached, fighting for a lost cause, investing a lot of energy into things that dissolve and evaporate, surrendering to the forces of the universe, going with the flow.

Mars is associated with antagonistic forces, enemies, competitors and abusers. The individual might be a bit confused as to who the good guy is and who the bad guy is in life. There could be imagined and very abstract forces that are made out to be “the enemy”, unconscious content, people’s ignorance and lack of awareness could be a source of anger. There could be a fear of taking action because of a feeling of not knowing what’s imagined or what’s false. There could be an issue of giving up too soon or simply surrendering to whatever’s supposed to happen. There could also be an issue of manipulating other people to do the hard work in order to avoid getting to work oneself.

Examples: Napoleon I, Charles Manson, Vladimir Lenin, Amanda Bynes, Blake Lively, Meryl Streep, Clint Eastwood, Michelangelo

[kstewdeux]

Random Story for Random Purposes

Why had he fought her again? It was so long ago now that he could barely remember what’d been going through his head. 

A part of him vaguely remembered feeling like he deserved every ounce of pain. That he was a failure and each drop of blood proved that he’d fail his friends like he’d failed…everyone before them. Not to mention he felt guilty that Kagome was shedding tears over his sorry ass when he hurt her emotionally on a daily basis. When he could’ve give her what they both wanted and yet she had declared she’d stay by his side anyway. It wasn’t like he wanted to need her. Didn’t want to love her. Back then anyway. But he did and he couldn’t give her what she needed so he thought….he thought maybe if he didn’t put more of a burden on her maybe she wouldn’t start hating him.

And she had every right to hate him. The one and only time she ever said those words to him it felt like his whole world crumpled into ash and it was all he could do not to vomit. His stomach had churned faster than a typhoon and for a split second, the world tilted on its axis. Every fragile hope and dream caught fire and…

Then Kagome has the audacity to say she didn’t even remember she said it! She had to have known at that point that he loved her - she’d be an idiot not to have known - and she still just stabbed his beating heart then twisted the knife. Had the audacity to act like what she said wasn’t all that bad.

It’d been bad. Very bad. Having to hear that Kagome hated him had royally sucked and nearly killed him dead but the events that led to that moment had been his fault more than anything. She hadn’t really meant it.

Still hurt like a bitch though.

God he’d been a dumb ass back then, but he wasn’t sure how else he could’ve handled the situation.

Huffing slightly at the memory, Inuyasha snuggled closer to his wife and pressed his cheek firmly into her chest.

All that time he could’ve been doing this. Cuddling up against her while she stroked his hair. Holding his hand in hers while she gently ran her thumb across the back. Getting little kisses of apology when she accidentally pulled the bandages too tight. The best was when he’d lost a little too much blood and his head felt heavy. She collected him into her arms. Elevated his head. Talked to him so his mind wouldn’t turn to static and if he blacked out – like today – she watched over him. Protected him in his most vulnerable state. He wasn’t afraid like he used to be. Never once worried about whether this injury would be the one that killed him.

Or that he’d die alone. His corpse up for grabs. No carrion birds were going to pick at his bones. No one would ever mutilate his body or chop it up for parts. He’d get a proper funeral held by people who loved him and who would be sad to see him go.

He was loved.

Who the hell didn’t want to be loved?

God he’d been such a dumb ass.

He deserved love. He did. He’d shed enough blood and suffered through enough pain to get something in return dammit. More than enough to cancel out the bad shit he’d done. Which, by the way, wasn’t all that bad. Sure he’d stolen a few crops and chickens in his day but he’d never killed anyone who hadn’t tried to kill him first. Well, okay, except when he’d turned full demon but that hadn’t been a conscious decision and even then, he only killed people who had been trying to kill him first. Point being, he deserved love.

“Is it getting worse?” Kagome asked worried as he tensed up in her arms and sporadically huffed in frustration.

Inuyasha blinked open his eyes and lifted his head just enough to look at her face.

“Hm?”

“You’re wriggling,” she pointed out – the term making Inuyasha’s lips twitch upwards ever so.

“I wasn’t wriggling,” he chuckled hoarsely as he settled back down and adjusted himself to be more comfortable, “Just thinking is all.”

“About?”

“That you love me,” he hummed happily and he felt more than heard Kagome’s responding snicker.

“And… that makes you upset?”

“No? Just…just thinking about how I was a dumb ass. Could’ve been getting this the whole time,” Inuyasha groused good-naturedly as he gave her body a light squeeze, “Dunno what I was thinking.”

“There was a lot going on. Stress makes people do all sorts of things,” Kagome opined thoughtfully as he tweaked his ear and Inuyasha let out a content sigh, “You can have all the cuddles you want now though. That’s what matters.”

Inuyasha couldn’t agree more but…

That didn’t mean he wasn’t salty.

God he’d been such a dumb ass.

[animeomegas]

Naruto omega boys subdrop headcanons maybe?

(I absolutely adore writing subdrop/subspace themed stuff, so thank you so much for senidng this in! It’s not explicit at all, but obviously, sex is implied.)

N-sfw implied under the cut~

Naruto – When Naruto drops, he gets confused. He oftentimes finds himself disorientated, unable to get the words out properly, or complete any difficult tasks. He loses his train of thought and can feel quite embarrassed by it, which only serves to make it worse. He needs his alpha to lead him gently so that he doesn’t have to make any decisions and shower him in reassurances. His alpha needs to smother him in love and cuddles to stop him being ashamed of how sad and disorientated he is.

Sasuke – When Sasuke drops, he succumbs to his insecurities, convincing himself that his alpha going to leave him and that they’re just mocking him when they look after him. He can get quite aggressive, seeking to push his alpha away to try to soften the inevitable heartbreak when they leave him. He needs his alpha to stay by his side, no matter how nasty he might get. He’ll try to push them away on purpose, but they can’t let him do it.

Shino – When Shino drops, he feels drained and cold. He always feels exhausted and can’t stop shivering no matter how warm a room may be. It’s a very specific type of tired that makes him feel really empty. Shino needs his alpha to find him a warm blanket and wrap them both up in it to share body heat. He needs to have a moment of quiet, just basking in the warmth, so he needs his alpha to refrain from talking as much as possible. Shino does like gentle physical affection though, such as back rubs, so his alpha is welcome to use that to help him.

Shikamaru – When Shikamaru drops, he hides away to protect his own vulnerability. Shikamaru feels vulnerable and small, and not in the good way that he normally feels after a scene, but in a scary way. He is prone to locking himself away, refusing to see anyone and just staying in his bedroom where he feels the safest. He needs his alpha to be that safe space for him, to talk him down from any anxieties and protect him when he feels like he can’t protect himself. Luckily, Shikamaru rarely drops and when he does, it’s rarely for more than an hour or two.

Kakashi – When Kakashi drops, he gets depressed. The endorphins come crashing down hard, and he just can’t. He struggles a lot to get out of bed, to get something to eat, to care for himself in any way. It’s quite extreme for him because he’s struggled with these sorts of emotions in the past as is therefore quite susceptible to letting them consume him. The upside of this is that his symptoms are very obvious, Kakashi can’t hide them from his alpha no matter how much he might want to. He needs his alpha to look after him, feed him, get him out of bed etc. He doesn’t really like being alone when he’s struggling with subdrop but he doesn’t like to talk either, so just existing next to him, or reading to him is perfect.

Itachi – When Itachi drops he feels emotionally raw. He’s very easy to upset when he drops, and extremely emotionally fragile. He zones out a fair amount and struggles to engage in anything. He needs his alpha to keep him away from the wider world for a while. Faking an illness, taking on tasks on Itachi’s behalf, whatever it takes to keep Itachi at home and away from people. He also needs a lot of physical and emotional comfort from his alpha. Without the grounding feeling of physical affection, he can feel lost and confused. Without emotional reassurance, he cries or just becomes completely desolate.

Iruka – When Iruka drops he feels fairly melancholic, but it’s not something extreme. This is easily addressed with some cuddling and loving words from his alpha. However, oftentimes, Iruka is too busy to spend the time he needs with his alpha if he feels sad. He has students to teach, he has to work a shift at the mission desk, he said he would meet up with friends for lunch, and then with Naruto for dinner. The longer he’s away from his alpha, the worse and worse he feels. What was mild and easily solvable because more serious. He now needs a lot of attention and physical affection from his alpha. He also needs his alpha to take over any other duties he may have for the day, e.g. cooking dinner, filling out paperwork etc. If his alpha does those things for him, Iruka can fully focus on relaxing and feeling better.

Neji – When Neji drops he just gets a little grumpy. He snaps at his alpha and is generally a grouch, but he’s mostly okay. He needs to sleep the subdrop off, so his alpha needs to make sure Neji is relaxed and comfortable enough to sleep and let all the grumpiness roll off their back. He’ll claim he wants to sleep by himself, but he doesn’t, so his alpha should stay with him while he sleeps. This is crucial, because Neji’s subdrop can get a whole lot worse if he wakes up alone, he needs to be eased out of sleep gently, which can only happen if he feels safe.

[kazuwhora]

hello hello, i see your requests are open now and can i request izana, wakasa, chifuyu and kazutora with an akutagawa!s/o? hope you have a great day/noon/night! ✨🤗

hi anon! sure! I will try my best with izana and wakasa since there's not tons to work with personality wise so forgive me if theirs are a little shorter heh. im gonna include a little blurb from the bsd fandom wiki for anyone not familiar with his character! I like these kinds of headcanon requests so if anyone wants to see more please feel free to request!

"Akutagawa has a black and white "survival of the fittest" view of the world, claiming that weak people should die and give way to the stronger ones. He is not afraid of pain and defeat His ruthless, vicious nature makes him one of the Port Mafia's most dangerous members, feared by both ally and foe. As violent as he is, Akutagawa maintains a generally composed and detached approach. Towards subordinates and superiors alike, he acts aloof, distancing himself from social interactions however possible. Nonetheless, his composure is fragile. Akutagawa is quick to lash out, ridiculing him for risking the bounty by acting recklessly. This quick temper often gets in his way, fuelling his actions to the core of his very being."

SUMMARY: izana, wakasa, chifuyu, && kazutora with an akutagawa!so

CW: hints of toxicity and violence, mentions of sex but not really all that nsfw-ish so otherwise not much else!

IZANA

- this is an interesting one because from what we know about izana, he is very similar in personality to akutagawa in terms of ruthlessness that stems from childhood trauma and isolation.

- in the case of a s/o with this personality, I think it would be a troubling relationship. lots of bitter fights fuelled by nothing but an inability to express vulnerability, while leaving both of you torn up inside and begging for someone to nurture the trauma and allow space for emotions.

- that being said, with toxicity and trauma also comes intense passion and desire. this relationship brings a lot of fire both in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom, with simple arguments often spawning into intense desperate (and lengthy might I add) sex. like, intense. it's almost like sex is the only safe outlet of these pent up emotions, providing a sort of comfort and also distraction for both parties.

- however as I said in general, this is definitely a toxic relationship. one where neither can help the other when it comes to growth and improvement on a personal level. it's unhealthy and enabling, but for a short lived fling it is hot as fuck im not even gonna lie. lots of hate sex too.

WAKASA

- so wakasa is another interesting one alongside izana given the lack of information and content we have about his character so please excuse the slight kc fanon version I have in my head of wakasa lol

- wakasa has a "don't fuck with me because I do not fucking care" type of vibe to him. I definitely think he's the type to completely disengage from the type of behaviours an akutagawa-type s/o might display. this leads to sort of a sense of competitiveness in trying to get some kind of reaction from him, and it has the potential (much like izana) to become toxic in nature

- any attempts to get under his skin are failed attempts, and the way he looks at you with that half bored expression is something that only triggers more of a somewhat emotional response from you.

- with that being said, my fanon version of wakasa is someone who while cold and aloof, is also quite a rational person. he's been typed by the fandom as INTJ which is quite a quick thinker, and I think he probably (despite not showing it very well) has a soft spot for you. but your passion and intensity (as well as your easily triggered dynamic) keeps him from completely being able to express this care in any way other than not engaging with your antics

- as much as there are some similarities with the type of toxicity in this relationship with both wakasa and izana, the intense passion isn't quite the same as it is with izana. instead, feelings of passion are more to the point and driven by pure instinct and desire rather than toxic passion. wakasa seeming like a very literal person, is actually quite mysterious deep down and has a lot (I mean a lot) of hidden desires and kinks that begin to emerge with time. it's rarely a conversation, and more often just something that happens that surprises you. you just have to go with the flow here, and let him take the reigns for once. it might actually be a good opportunity to allow for vulnerability to take the spotlight for once, which is something wakasa is surprisingly in tune with and quite to the point about.

CHIFUYU

- this is something much healthier than the last two. chifuyu, being an enfp is someone that's able to handle this level of intensity in a person while still being able to understand what's really going on.

- call him the trauma counsellor king. he values each and every response to a trigger that you might have. he notices patterns, he makes mental notes of things, and he does this all without making it seem like he's analyzing.

- to be honest he actually loves the spunk you bring on a day to day level. even though most of the time it's driven by bitterness or hate (not always towards him just in general) he is still able to see beyond that and appreciate you for what you are.

- with that being said, chifuyu will not stand for any toxic behaviour towards him. no sir he will not. threats and pushes for fights wont be tolerated, and he will either disengage or try to expose your vulnerabilities in an attempt at forced submission. this can be hard to get used to, especially with having a personality characterized by the inability to accept being vulnerable. but with time chifuyu is one to create a safe space for you to allow yourself to feel emotions beyond anger and resentment, and he encourages this.

- because of this very feelings based approach, intimacy with chifuyu is just that: intimate. he's extremely loving and doting, hoping that his sweetness can rub off on you a little bit. however he's also very accepting of your need for power over him (especially during sex) and will absolutely submit to your needs in order to please you.

- he really likes to put you in a place of pleasure though, so however that may come to you chifuyu is the one to deliver it.

KAZUTORA

- oh boy. this one is a doozy. listen. if we're talking about timeskip kazutora (as is the case with all characters i write about but I feel it especially important to remind ppl of here given his history), we're talking about someone who is quite literally walking on eggshells in terms of his trauma and emotional vulnerability.

- he's pretty good at being emotionally aware of his needs and struggles as well as the needs and struggles of those around him, but that doesn't mean that he's entirely healed or capable of managing toxicity or his triggers. he still slips up from time to time especially when things get hard, and sometimes finds himself falling into his old patterns. after all, he's only human. but this is where things could get messy in a relationship.

- for the most part, like I said, he's pretty good. so let's focus on that part first since I want to give him credit where it's due. he is very desperate for love and dedicated to providing something to his partner. in this case, he will seek to tap into his emotional vulnerability to provide some sort of comfort for you. he wants to see you happy, and calm, because he sees so much of his old self in you that it gets to him sometimes. but at the same time, he struggles with your relentlessness and can become emotionally drained when things get tough. he'll beat himself up for not being good enough to help you, and this is when he'll isolate and fall into old patterns.

- however, akutagawa's personality type isn't all bad. with a s/o like akutagawa, comes an immense amount of protection and loyalty for their loved ones no matter how tough things might be. in this case it might be hard to communicate this, but there will be times when it's needed in order for kazutora to restrain from old habits and ways of dealing with hardships. but he wants to share his healing with you, he wants you to be happy, and more than anything he understands the struggle of wanting to be happy and healthy but being afraid of losing the one thing that makes you you: your attitude and relentlessness. nobody understands this better than kazutora, which is why things between you can get frustrating and very personal for him.

- much like chifuyu, sex is driven towards pleasing you and only you. chifuyu leans more into switch territory however, while kazutora is 100% submissive. in this case it works out well, however he has a lot of boundaries and limitations when it comes to the way in which you function. he doesn't like degradation. instead, he thrives from praise and any sign of love and care. this might be tough for you to execute 100% of the time, but when it comes down to it the way his eyes twinkle for you is enough to make the ice around your heart melt just a little more each time.