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janaispunk · 4 months

Text

i can see the end as it begins

chapter 1 • series masterlist

pairing: Dave York x f!reader

summary: You meet your father’s new friend for the first time, but he’s a lot different than you expected.

word count: ~5k

tags/warnings: explicit smut -> 18+ mdni, dbf!Dave, unhealthy relationship dynamics, dom/sub dynamics, angst, daddy issues (reader’s dad isn’t a nice person), able-bodied reader, reader has hair, no use of y/n, divorced Dave, unprotected p in v, semi-public sex, fingering, dirty talk, praise kink, degradation kink, spanking, pet names, let me know if i missed anything 🫶🏻

a/n: my favorite person on this app @joelscurls planted the idea of dbf!dave in both our heads and after many many feral dms, porn gifs, plotting and just generally freaking out, we have finally managed to put the first chapter together :) we’re currently planning with 4 chapters in total that we’re gonna take turns posting, so go follow jess if you don’t already (criminal behavior tbh)! i’m beyond excited to be able to do this with someone whose writing i adore sooo much, we’re both beyond excited about this story, and we hope that you enjoy it 🫶🏻

follow @joelscurlsupdates and @janaispunknotifs for updates and find jess’s masterlist here and my masterlist here :)

dividers by the lovely @saradika-graphics!

“I want a divorce.”

It’s been almost a year since Carol spoke those words into the tense silence of their dining room and they still echo in Dave’s mind as if it happened yesterday.

He doesn’t mourn the marriage, doesn’t miss Carol, not in the way he probably should. But he mourns the life that he had, the perfect suburban family, the stability. A little boring maybe, but safe, calming. Predictable.

And he misses his girls. He misses the sound of small feet on the hardwood-floor greeting him as soon as he opened the front door, giggly exclamations of “Daddy’s home!” and tiny hands grabbing at him, begging to be picked up. Now he opens the door to an empty, silent apartment. He has them every second weekend, which he rationally knows makes the most sense with his often irregular working hours, but it’s simply not enough. It’s like time is constantly running through his fingers and he just can’t make it stop, can’t bring his life back under control.

He’s doing what he can to keep himself busy, anything to keep his mind occupied and his thoughts from spiraling into that pit of loneliness that he’s found himself in. He started reconnecting with friends, going out with his colleagues and contacting people from his army days that he hasn’t spoken to in years, trying to build a social life outside of his family and the neighbors that he no longer lives next to.

It’s tedious, making him realize that he really doesn’t like people all that much, but it’s better than spending his evenings by himself and wondering where things went so awfully wrong.

He spends a lot of time with Jim, one of the guys that trained with him and that he always got along with rather well. Jim was delighted when Dave called, promptly inviting him to join him at golf the next day, which somehow turned into a weekly event on Dave’s schedule. It’s nice enough, giving him some sense of routine and he finds that he’s rather good at it. Jim runs his own company by now, the thing that he invests all of his time in, which got him a lot of money, but also a divorce.

It’s all he talks about, too, but it’s fine with Dave, not being forced to contribute that much to the conversation – because really, there’s not much worth mentioning happening in his life anyway – and he’s content to just nod along and hum in agreement most of the time.

Jim has a daughter too, a lot older than Dave’s though, already out of the house, attending law school. He can tell that Jim is proud when he talks about her, but it always seems to be connected to achievements, an underlying pressure to their relationship that leaves Dave a little uneasy and he silently vows to himself to never apply any sort of conditions to his love for his daughters.

But he's never met the young woman and he probably never will, so he doesn’t dwell on it, because what does it matter to him, really?

You huff a sigh as the familiar sight of the country club that your father loves to frequent comes into view and hand the Uber driver a tip before sliding out of the car.

You had thought you’d be getting a night out with your Dad, just the two of you, a rare occurrence. Not that you had been particularly looking forward to being grilled about law school, your grades, networking and internship opportunities, but at least he would be listening to you, paying attention. Joking that he was making sure that the money he put into your education was well invested, a joke that felt less funny every time you were reminded just how financially dependent you were on your father.

If the topic of conversation wasn’t school, it was what kind of acquaintances you’ve made, if maybe you’d met a guy with good connections, someone who could introduce you to the right people. Cautionary warnings not to get involved with the wrong sort, not to get on the wrong track.

Just once, you would like to talk about if you were enjoying school, what living on your own was like, how you got along with your roommate, the fun times you had with your girlfriends, anything about your life that wasn’t somehow connected to success or keeping up appearances. But your relationship wasn’t like that. He didn’t care about these sorts of things, he never had.

You continuously swallowed down the heavy feeling of envy in your stomach when your friends talked about their parents, painting a picture of unconditional love and support that was foreign to you, telling yourself that everything was fine the way it was.

“I invited Dave to join us tomorrow,” he then told you yesterday morning, offhandedly, sipping his coffee and his eyes already glued to his phone. You nodded silently, forcing your lips into something that resembled a smile. He had mentioned someone named Dave before, an old friend from his army days that he had recently reconnected with, if you remembered correctly. It didn’t matter, really, your father’s countless acquaintances blurred into a mix of vaguely familiar faces in your head anyway. If you had mixed feelings about the evening plans before, this new development made it clear that you wouldn’t partake in the conversation much, just smile politely, sit pretty and let the grown ups talk.

Steeling yourself, you walk in, your heels clicking against the floor. After spotting your dad almost immediately and waving in his direction, you make a beeline for the bar. He was sitting alone, you think, furrowing your brow in thought. You’re running a little late yourself, maybe that Dave guy couldn’t make it? You don’t hate the idea of that.

Dave had been reluctant to come out tonight, couldn’t help the feeling that he was intruding on his friend’s father-daughter time, something that he was desperate to have more of, but Jim had insisted.

“Lots of women you could meet there!”

He had scoffed under his breath, not able to picture himself meeting someone new, going through the motions of getting to know them, opening up, adjusting his routine to someone else’s again. He could much less picture himself meeting a woman he’d be interested in at a fucking country club of all places. Eventually, the thought of another evening in his silent and empty apartment with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company made him accept anyway.

He’s drumming his fingers against the polished wooden bar, waiting to pick up the second round of beers for Jim and himself, when someone slides up to the counter beside him. He glances over, eyes focusing in on the woman who is studying the drinks menu.

He feels an inexplicable pull towards her, couldn’t look away again even if he tried. She’s beautiful, he thinks as he takes in her features in the soft warm light, lingering on the shape of her lips, before his gaze trails down her body, over the short black dress that’s clinging to her in the most enticing way. She’s also younger than him; too young, the responsible part of his mind argues. Not the kind of woman that he should be interested in meeting. He still can’t look away.

“Evening.” The greeting comes out before he can stop himself. She looks up, a hint of annoyance on her pretty face, but her gaze softens as her eyes meet his. A smirk plays on her lips.

“Hi.” Her eyes flicker down his own body and up again, something akin to excitement taking over her expression. He’s rusty, hasn’t done this in ages, but her interest is palpable, and it shoots a thrill of pleasure through him.

“I’m David,” he introduces himself. No one has called him David in… god knows how long, but it feels better than Dave in this moment, right somehow. Like he can be a different person, just for a little while.

“Pleasure,” she grins, tells him her name and shakes his hand, her eyes glinting in the warm lights of the bar. Her touch on his skin, even just his hand, is like electricity is flowing through the air between them. She feels so soft and his life has been so devoid of softness lately that he has to force himself to let go of her hand again.

Something tugs at the back of his mind, like this name should ring a bell, but he shoves the thought aside. He’s too busy picturing himself taking her home this evening, imagining how soft her skin would feel in other places, how she would look splayed out underneath him on his sheets, how her breath would sound when he–

“I’ve never seen you around here before, are you new?” her melodic voice interrupts the vivid daydream playing in his mind. She has taken a step towards him and hints of the sweet notes of her perfume are beginning to surround the air around him. It’s getting a little hard to think straight.

“I– yes. First time actually,” he laughs and delights in the way her face lights up at the sound. “You come here a lot, then?” The cliché line makes him want to cringe, but she doesn’t falter, only shrugs and lets her eyes slowly trail down his body once more, obviously wanting him to notice.

“Depends. I might be here more often if it means I get to see you.”

She reaches out until her fingers softly graze his wrist and it demands a great amount of willpower not to take her home right this instant.

The heartbeat in your chest is thrumming along to the butterflies that are erupting in your stomach. You’ve never been this bold, too shy to flirt at all most of the time, but the stranger in front of you is clouding your sense of judgment and has your insecurities flying right out of the window. His interest is written over his face clear as day and you feel an immediate pull towards him that you can’t explain.

He’s so handsome that your hands are itching to touch him more, to find out if he’s as broad and solid as is large frame suggests, if that jawline would feel as strong under your fingertips as it looks, and if his deep brown eyes would soften before you press your lips against his. No wedding ring either, you note in the back of your mind, sending another surge of excitement through you.

The fact that he seems old enough to be your father, something that your therapist would probably have a few words to say about, is only adding to the arousal that’s coursing through your veins. You want him.

You almost jump when your drinks arrive in front of you; you had all but forgotten where you are, and that you’re very much in eyesight of your actual father. Suddenly, you feel silly, reality catching up to you. Surely he was just being nice and you read way too much into it, making a fool of yourself.

“Well, I–I’ll see you around then.” You hastily grab your glass and are ready to make a run for it, when his large hand wraps around your elbow.

“Looking forward to it,” he purrs, before he takes the two beers off the counter in front of him.

Awkwardness slowly sets in when you start walking in the same direction, but it doesn’t fully hit you until you both stop at the same table, your father beaming up at you.

“Sweetheart, you already met Dave I see, that’s great. Come, sit!”

You’re frozen, stupidly blinking between your father and the man beside you a few times. The man who introduced himself as David.

David. Dave. Oh. Oh.

“Y–yeah,” you stutter out eventually and plaster a smile on your face as you take a seat beside your dad. David looks just as dumbstruck as you feel when he slides into the chair opposite from you, quietly handing one of the beers over to your dad. His friend.

Your father launches into a story about their army days together and you’re nodding along, but not one word actively registers in your brain. The conversation eventually moves on to your dad’s recent work projects, the majority of the talking done by him, with the occasional question from David, while you’re silently sipping on your drink.

The initial embarrassment of the whole situation makes you want to sink down into the ground, but still you can’t keep your eyes from flicking to David again and again. They linger on his lips, constantly in a pout that you would give anything to feel against yours, the slight shadow of stubble on his cheeks at the end of the day that you know would scratch against your skin so deliciously, the way his hand dwarfs his beer on the table, thick fingers that could stretch– No. No, you’re not going there.

Your cheeks are burning and you stare down at the tabletop in front of you.

When your gaze lifts back up, David’s eyes are already trained on you, glinting like he knows exactly what you’ve been thinking about. You reluctantly look back at your father, who’s still rambling on about some big client that he’s currently dealing with, completely oblivious to the charged energy between his friend and you.

David shifts in his seat and his leg bumps against yours under the table. You grasp your drink tighter, forcing yourself not to react in any way, but you don’t move away either. Neither does he. You shoot him a look and the hint of a smirk plays around his mouth. He looks too damn good like this, so excitingly wrong in a way that makes your pulse flutter.

It feels like you’re burning up from inside and as little attention as your dad is paying to you, you’re certain that he’s gonna notice that something is off with you eventually. You hastily scramble to your feet and excuse yourself to the bathroom. You feel David’s eyes on you as you walk away until you’re out of sight.

The cool water that you run over your wrists and splash onto your cheeks does a poor job of calming you down. Stupid, stupid, stupid, you admonish yourself. It’s certainly not more than a tiny bit of flirting to him, if at all, just some harmless fun to amuse himself probably, and you’re getting this worked up about it.

No. You need to get out of this situation. You’re gonna walk back out there, make something up about a headache and catch a cab home. It will probably earn you a lecture about politeness later in the evening, but you’ll gladly take that.

When you approach the table again, your dad is just getting off his phone, his expression already far away. You know that look all too well, being subjected to it almost daily.

“Work emergency?” you ask, without a real question behind your words.

“Yeah,” he grumbles, getting up, barely looking at you, already all business. “Sorry, I gotta get to the office, Dave will drive you home. Right, Dave?”

Your eyes fly to David and you catch him swallowing hard, but he nods regardless, lips quirking up in a forced smile. “Of course.”

You both silently watch your father’s retreating back, already speaking into his phone again. The fabric of Dave’s pants ghosts against your bare leg below the table once more. You wish it were his fingers instead.

You hadn’t anticipated to be alone with him and all the reasonable thoughts that you’ve come up with in the privacy of the bathroom are wiped from your mind. It feels like you’re buzzing, a rush of excitement thrumming through your veins, like your body knows that you’re on the brink of doing something really stupid and really fucking tempting.

“I’m sorry, about earlier,” you murmur, looking up at him through your lashes. He smirks, a knowing glint in his eyes as he takes in your expression. He still hasn’t moved his leg.

“I don’t think you are.”

Your stomach swoops at his words. You bite your lip. He wouldn’t be acting like this if he didn’t want you, would he? His eyes dart to your lips at the movement and darken. Fuck it.

“No, I’m not.” You pray that he doesn’t catch the slight tremble in your voice. He’s fucking intimidating and this is wrong on so many levels and you want him so badly to want you.

The tension between you is a palpable thing, almost making it hard to breathe when he leads you out of the club, his hand at the small of your back and causing you to shiver. Will he really just drive you home? Will he say something, do something, touch you more? You don’t know how to ask for any of it and desperately wish that he’ll take the reins, that somehow he already knows what you want. You have a feeling that he does.

He opens his car door for you, another thing that really shouldn’t affect you this much, before he walks around the vehicle and gets in beside you. You catch a hint of his cologne in the confined space and press your thighs together before you can stop yourself. Your heart is racing and you just know that he knows exactly what he’s doing to you.

He clears his throat. “We gotta stop at my place, I have some paperwork that I’d like your–” He interrupts himself, his grip on the steering wheel tightening until his knuckles are white, “that I’d like Jim to look over for me.”

You nod, a small hum leaving your throat. The implication of going to his place has you reeling. He nods back, stealing a glance at you before he starts the car. You can’t help watching him as he drives, the subtle control that he exudes, the way the muscles on his thighs are flexing underneath the fabric of his pants. He looks over at you a few times, and you don’t have it in yourself to pretend that your eyes aren’t glued to him.

“See something you like?” he asks eventually, the corners of his mouth twitching.

“Yeah,” you answer, so breathless it’s embarrassing and you shift a little in your seat. Your dress rides up at the movement, revealing more skin, and his eyes fly down instantly.

“Me too,” he rasps.

When he stops the car in front of his building, you decide that it’s time to be brave.

“Do you want me to come up with you?”

“No,” his answer comes instantly. His tone isn’t cold, but determined, not to be argued with.

“Oh.” Your cheeks are heating up again. You hate how small your voice sounds. “I thought–”

He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face, avoiding your gaze.

“I can’t. You’re– You know why. You know I can’t.”

“I don’t care. I’m an adult, I can do what I want.”

He shakes his head, still not looking at you.

“Sweetheart, stop. Trust me, I want to, but–”

“Please?” You’re begging, no dignity left in you, only want want want. “Just one time. Please, David?”

His eyes fly up to your face at that. You can see the shift, the way his expression hardens, turning into something feral that has heat growing between your legs.

“Just one time,” he repeats, his voice dark with desire, no longer trying to conceal it.

His hands find your thighs, grabbing at you roughly, moving you until you’re in his lap, legs spread wide, his breath fanning against your lips. One hand is in your hair, the other gliding under the hem of your dress, his touch turning you into a trembling mess.

“This is what you want?” he growls, the grip in your hair tightening. You don’t think that you’ve ever wanted anything as much as this.

“Please,” you whine again, and he presses forward, lips clashing against yours, the kiss all tongue and teeth and desperate need and you’re melting into him.

“Fuck,” he breathes, his hands all over you now, grabbing at your dress, your skin, any place he can reach.

Your mouth travels over his cheek and down to his neck, sucking kisses and bites into his skin. The stubble scratches against your face just like you thought it would and you start working on the buttons of his shirt with trembling fingers, rolling your hips, desperate for friction. His grip steadies you, pulling down the neckline of your dress, kissing along the lace of your bra before he pulls the cups down too. A groan rises up in his throat as he cups your tits, thumbs circling over your already hardened nipples before he leans forward and sucks one into his mouth.

“Fucking perfect,” he rasps, breath hot against your damp skin. You arch into his touch and he chuckles, sucking on the bud again before he bites down, eliciting a loud moan from you. His touch travels up your thighs, leaving a burning trail behind, until his fingertips rub over the soaked fabric of your panties and you gasp at the barely-there touch.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he coos, pressing down harder. “Already dripping for me, huh? You want it that bad?”

You nod eagerly, pushing down onto his fingers.

“Alright.” He sounds just as wrecked as you feel. He starts undoing his belt buckle and his pants and you lift up just enough to allow him to shove them down his hips.

At the first glance at his cock, your mouth falls open, a silent breath escaping you. He’s big, certainly the biggest you’ve ever had, and maybe you should think about how you’ll take all of him inside of you, but you find yourself craving him, craving the stinging stretch, craving the feeling of being as close as possible to him.

“Don’t worry.” He seems mildly amused, catching your lips in another kiss. “We’ll make it fit.”

Another shudder runs through your body at this. “I’m not worried,” you admit in a whisper.

He laughs at that, a breathless sound that you instantly want to hear again.

“Good.”

He pulls your underwear to the side and thrusts one thick finger up into your slick heat without warning. His thumb rubs around your clit and you already feel an orgasm creeping up on you. He adds a second finger, his rhythm relentless, and you cry out, grabbing his shoulders, trying to steady yourself, but it’s pointless. You’re already clenching, so close to the edge, when he pulls out of you and fixes you with a hard glare.

“Not yet. You’re only gonna come on my cock tonight, understood?”

You want to scream, want his fingers back, but you realize that you also want this authority, want him to take control, to take whatever he wants from you. It’s a heady feeling, one that you’ve never experienced before, but you’re already desperate for more.

“Okay,” you agree, and his responding smirk is enough for another wave of wetness to gather between your legs.

With one steadying hand securely on your hip, he leans over to the glovebox, mumbling about protection, but you stop him, fingers looping around his wrist.

“I’m on the pill, and I’m clean, I promise. You don’t need–”

He leans back, the grip on your hip tightening again.

“Fuck sweetheart, are you sure?”

You nod quickly, another “please” falling from your lips.

The grin on his face is downright feral as he hikes your dress up higher, eyes raking over your body. You’re sure that you look a mess, all intimate parts of you on display, your skin damp with sweat, your hair a wild nest. You curl in on yourself a little, but David won’t have any of that.

“Hey,” he growls, fingers digging into your thighs. “If I’m gonna do this, you’re gonna look at me and beg for it, are we clear?”

You lift your head, wide eyes searching his. Desperate to do what he asks, desperate for his approval. He’s gorgeous in the low lights, his cheeks flushed, a thin sheen of sweat covering his face and chest.

“Please,” you whine. “Please David, I need you.”

His movements turn frantic at your words, moving you around until you’re positioned just above him, your panties pulled to the side, the head of his cock nudging at your entrance, already soaking him.

“Just one time?” he rasps once more.

“Just one time,” you agree. You’d agree to anything right now.

He pulls you down slowly, beginning to part your walls. You whine loudly at the stretch. It burns, but you relish in the feeling of getting filled by him, and his responding groan has your lips pulling up in a smile.

You keep sinking down, moving until he’s completely sheathed inside you and your eyes fall shut at the overwhelming sensation. His fingers are on your chin in an instant, giving your head a light shake.

“Nuh-uh, eyes right here, sweetheart,” he reminds you, gritting the words out. He twitches inside you and you force your eyelids to open again.

“Feels so good,” you whine, your voice reduced to a broken, breathless thing, but then he starts moving and you’re not able to form words any longer.

He rolls his hips up into you and you meet his thrusts with your own movements, clinging to his shoulders for dear life. His hands are everywhere, digging into your hips, pinching your nipples, gripping your chin whenever your eyes are starting to slip closed again.

So you keep your gaze obediently on him, your eyes locked, delighting in the way his face scrunches up in pleasure, in the sounds that are falling from his lips, matching your own.

“Good girl, taking me so fucking well,” he groans, his hand connecting with your ass in a light slap. An obscenely loud moan escapes you in response and you clench around him, more wetness covering his length and your thighs.

He stills and leans back to take in your heated face and blown pupils, an amused smirk forming on his face. “You liked that, huh?”

You nod, once again unable to meet his eye.

“Hey,” he demands, his fingers grabbing your face again. “Eyes on me, remember?”

Your gaze reluctantly trails up and his smirk grows.

“So…” he drawls, slowly picking up his thrusts again, “what exactly did you like, huh? When I called you a good girl… or when I did this?”

He smacks your ass again and you grind down onto him almost instinctively. You’re burning up in shame, but you obediently hold his gaze.

“B–both,” you whisper, in disbelief that you’re admitting this to him, but you feel too good to hold back now.

“Fuck,” he growls, his movements speeding up and his grip on your hips bordering on painful, “knew you were a dirty little thing.”

Another slap lands on your skin, harder than before, at the same time that he thrusts deep into you. The combined sensations are enough to throw you over the edge that you had been teetering on since he first touched you and you scream out his name as you fall apart.

He holds your shaking body close, cock grinding into you as you pulse around him and he groans, burying his face in your neck, spilling his own release deep inside of you.

“Fucking perfect,” he whispers, mouth pressing against your skin. “Can’t believe that you let me–”

You barely make out the words, ecstasy still coursing through your veins, but you lean into him, holding onto his broad shoulders, feeling like his body is the only real thing in your world right now.

You stay like this, entangled in each other’s embrace until your breaths even out and he carefully lifts your face, pressing one more kiss against your lips. It hits you suddenly, that this might be the last kiss that you share with him. Just one time, right?

He helps you to properly put your clothes back on, supporting your weight as you slink back into the passenger seat, before he pulls his pants back on and jogs up to his apartment to gather the paperwork for your father.

Your father. His friend. Fuck. Now that the lust-induced haze has lifted a bit and you’re able to think more clearly again, the weight of tonight’s events starts crashing down on you. He would kill you. He can’t know, no one can.

Dave returns within minutes, his brow furrowed as he takes you in. You think that he clocks the growing panic that is probably written all over your face. He reaches for your hand, slowly enough that you could retract it if you wanted to, but you long for his touch, for the reassurance of it.

“You alright?” he asks softly.

“Yeah.” You nod, trying to convince yourself as much as him.

He nods back, not prying, which you are grateful for, and starts the car, making his way over to your house. Your hand still clasped in his. Both your release and his pooling in your panties.

You only let go of him when he pulls into the driveway and kills the engine. You don’t think that your dad checks the footage from the security cameras regularly, but it’s a risk that you’re not willing to take.

“Thank you,” you mumble, once again unable to meet his eyes. “I– I had a great night.”

He smiles, appearing more relaxed than he’d been all evening.

“Me too, sweetheart. Good night.” You feel his eyes on you as you walk up to the door.

You shower, reluctantly washing away all traces of the evening and crawl into bed. You still feel his hands on your skin, the sensation following you into your dreams.

When the morning comes, hushed promises of just one time echo in your head, but the desire to do it again, for more, is burning through your body, consuming your thoughts.

“Hey Dad,” you ask, stepping into his office where he’s brooding over documents, “I think I left my jacket in Dave’s car, could you give me his number? Maybe I can go pick it up.”

if you liked this, please consider reblogging, leaving a comment or sending in an ask – it’s really the thing that keeps writers going :)

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ashdreams2023 · 1 year

Text

In the shadows

Summary: you’ve always stayed in the back, letting others in the spotlight till he came along and you felt suffocated

Harry James potter x reader

You got fifth place on the class in potions, it was an achievement but not one to brag about, hermione granger was the top of your year as always, there was no surprise there but the third place person made you swallow a bitter taste.

Pansy had asked for your help this past week and going on with that you thought you could help both yourself and her but no, it ended up with you correcting her homework and explaining basic concepts you’ve literally taken in first year.

By doing so you had little time for your own self and ended up staying up late to catch on then came to class sleep deprived, snape was not pleased with you looking half asleep in his class.

You weren’t terrible of course and it wasn’t like anyone would notice if you failed, except for professor snape.

As you gathered your things from the table to exit the door you felt a tab on your shoulder, you mentally prepared yourself to deal with another case of pansy.

To your surprise it wasn’t her but none other than the boy who lived himself, Harry Potter gave you an awkward smile before he spoke "hey, sorry to bother you but I know you’re smart and I could use the help before I get another troll" you blinked at the boy.

"Why didn’t you ask granger isn’t she one of your best mates?" You said closing your bag and swinging it over your shoulder "she’s the smartest girl in our year I think her help will be more valid than mine"

Harry shook his head blushing "she’s smart yes but…"he looked back at his friends then back at you "since they started dating study sessions just became awkward you know what I mean?"

You paused then felt your cheeks burning "I don’t know if I’m who you should ask though"

Harry sighed "please, I promise I’m a quick learner I just need extra help on our new assignment" you thought about it for a minute, one assignment wouldn’t hurt and Harry didn’t always fail potions, he used to score Acceptable and sometimes an E.

"Fine, meet me before supper in the library"

"Thanks you’re the best!" You inhaled sharply at his words and went to your next glass.

That’s how it began, the most ordinary person in the school started tutoring the great Harry Potter, everyone thought he was just using you but in all honestly, Harry wasn’t that bad of a company.

He paid attention to what you said and participated in research instead of depending completely on you alone to do all the work.

He teases you about being into tarot readings and helps you with DADA "you need to point your wand this way and focus on your target, your smart you can do this" those simple words also did things to you, the way he praised your intelligence and didn’t make fun of you for messing up.

"You did it! You’re brilliant just a perfect piece of work you are" he immediately blushed after saying that, realizing he might have went too far but by the way you smiled shyly at the ground it appeared to have the opposite affect.

"Thank you, you’re a good teacher…" Goodness you were awkward.

By the end of the year you could only hear your heart bounding whenever he’s too close, your face burned and all you could think about is your next study session.

Then Ginny kissed him.

After winning the quidditch cup for Gryffindor she kissed him in front of the whole school and your stupid crush made you want to shout and protest about it but you didn’t, you just couldn’t.

And what made it worse is he skipping your study session together, to celebrate the win…he’s probably making out with his new girlfriend now, why would he care about a nobody like you?

You skipped dinner and on your way to your house’s dormitory you got stopped by him in the middle of the hall.

Your wrist felt so fragile in his rough hand, even with gloves on, his hands stayed quite rough from holding onto the broom for a long time.

"Why didn’t you come to supper or the after party?"

You wanted to cry "….I wasn’t invited." What a lame excuse, he probably thought you’re pathetic.

Harry frowned "you don’t need an invite, anyone can come and celebrate you know we share the password after a win for anyone to celebrate with us before it changes next week" you in fact knew that and you hated how dumb you looked right now.

"What’s really the matter?" God why does he have to ask so many questions like he actually cares? You didn’t want to talk or look at him, it just made you more upset. He refused to let you go when you tried to pull away, your eyes were soon no longer able to hold back the tears. They ran down your cheeks like rivers "please let me go, I don’t want to talk to you right now" Harry’s green eyes softened but he didn’t let you go and instead pulled you closer towards him, leaving inches between your faces.

"Am I the reason your crying right now? Did I say or do something before now that upset you?" You shook your head, this was dumb you should’ve stayed in the library until everyone was done eating then went with your house.

"Liar, I hate liars you know that! Tell me what I did wrong?! I’m confused god damn it!" The infamous potter temper was kicking in and you knew how bad those were.

"It’s stupid…I’m…it’s just that…Ginny" you choked on your words, placing your hand over your eyes in a desperate attempt at hiding your face.

Harry didn’t say anything for a long while which made you believe he was so annoyed with your whining that he’s lost for words, but then he warps his arms around your body and holds you in a tight embrace.

You froze then hesitatingly looked at him, he’s looked down at you with those brilliant green eyes that held so much kindness "I’m sorry…I should have done this from the start" he leaned down and kissed your temple.

You stared at him both confused and embarrassed.

He chuckled " I’m sorry you saw that, I didn’t except Ginny to do that but if you hadn’t noticed I didn’t kiss her back…I don’t like Ginny like that"

Your heart bounded hard in your rib cage "why are you telling me this?"

He licked his bottom nervously "because I like you, like a lot and not just as a friend but like you in the way that I want to do this every time I see you" he learned down and pressed his lip’s against yours and you melted against them.

"Harry I-"

"No, please I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to, can we start over?"

You’ve lived in the shadows of people’s lives for so long that it seemed impossible for you to be a person worth mentioning but Harry, Harry made you feel like somebody, you were standing next him and not in his shadow, for once you were worth more than what you thought you were.

"Yes, please."

#harry james potter x reader #harry james potter #Harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter requests #harry potter oneshot #harry potter fluff #harry potter x you #harry potter x gender neutral reader #harry potter fandom

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listofwhyyouloveher · 26 days

Note

wild child reader with gang (separate)? kinda like dallas, hops fences, steals shit, gets in trouble a lot

also i love your work smm 😭

Summary: The Outsiders x Wild Child!Reader

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, smoking Author's Note:maybe did a bit of channelling of my high school year but who knows

PONYBOY CURTIS

Pony isn’t all that ‘wild’, he finds solace in a book and comfort at home, so it’s surprising that he’d be interested in an exact opposite.

But he finds you more of a muse than a ‘partner’, in the sense that he loves you like a partner but would rather watch you or observe you than do things with you.

He’ll often come to you when he wants to smoke because you always have cigarettes on you and offer great conversation.

He’s like your rock, you come home to him after a night out and he’s letting you sleep in his bed while holding you close.

JOHNNY CADE

He’s a little on the edge about living a life like you, because while he does enjoy adrenaline rushes from doing things that he shouldn’t, he knows that in his future he wants a comfortable life.

He finds you to be like him and he wants his goal for his future to be achieved together with you.

He tries his best to keep himself in line, but he’s a victim of peer pressure and often feels guilt for the things he does.

Luckily, you’re kind enough to understand him and to tame your personality a little when he’s around, and he tries his best to understand the line of being with you and becoming like you.

SODAPOP CURTIS

Sodapop likes to party a lot, he really enjoys going to Bucks just to hang out and watch the party.

However, he lacks some of the balls it takes to do crazy stuff, he doesn’t steal very often or drink because he doesn’t want to put his future in jeopardy.

He finds you a nice way to indulge in some of his wants but not actually having to, so he hangs around you often.

He prefers to hear stories about what you do rather than be involved in the actual things.

STEVE RANDLE

Steve likes to live it up a little too, almost as much as you.

He enjoys the rush of stealing, drinking and partying as much as you do but sometimes your ideas can get too far out for him.

He appreciates your abilities to create some of the most fun and energetic enviroments but sometimes he has to sit it out.

Your relationship is somewhat of a seesaw, his need to party and need for quiet fluctuates and you’re glad to be on whatever side he wants that day.

TWO-BIT MATHEWS

Two-Bit is a crazy party kid, he loves everything about being wild and free because he gets such a rush from it

However, he needs to watch himself, especially since his sister is old enough to understand what is going on around her.

He still likes to down a couple of drinks with you here and there but he's always reminding himself to keep a relatively straight mind.

He likes to live through you because he misses his party days, so he will always have you tell him everything that happened at a party you went to.

DARRY CURTIS

Darry hates going to parties, doing crazy things, everything associated with ‘greaser’, he likely hates.

He prefers to stay inside, and that’s why your relationship is so amazing with him because there’s always a side to him that he wants to indulge in.

He used to be very popular in high-school, he often partied. But now he’s different and so having you there to recount your night brings him a nice sense of nostalgia.

Sometimes he tries and restricts the things you do, because he genuinely worries about you. If he talks to you gently enough with enough evidence to back up that worry, sometimes you let him have his way.

DALLAS WINSTON

Dallas and you are always competing when it comes to who’s crazier, and sometimes you win, sometimes he does and sometimes its a tie.

Dallas makes everything about growing his ego, so if there’s something he can do better than you he’s gonna shove it in your face.

This has led to many night where you two are stumbling around downtown, wasted because of a drinking competition, just genuinely enjoying the night.

Dallas finds you a good partner because you’re not forcing a life of ‘perfection’ onto him and rather letting him live his version of a good life alongside you.

#shroomsroom #clara'sroom #the outsiders x reader #dallas winston x reader #dally winston x reader #johnny cade x reader #steve randle x reader #darrel curtis x reader #sodapop curtis x reader #darry curtis x reader #two bit mathews x reader #two bit matthews x reader #two bit x reader #ponyboy x reader #ponyboy curtis x reader #pony curtis x reader

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lavendertales · 10 months

Text

SEÑORITA: Chapter 7**

pairing: Javier Peña x Murphy!f!reader

summary: following your fallout with Steve, you find yourself on Javier's doorstep.

word count: 6.4k (oops)

series warnings: reluctant friends to lovers, lots of playful banter, mutual pining, slow burn, secret relationship, filthy smut.

chapter warnings: face sitting, body worship, piv (safe).

A/N: here we are ya'll, the long awaited explosion of the slow burn hehehe. thank you so much for all the comments and the love, it means so much to me 💕I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well, and feedback is always much appreciated!

AGELESS/EMPTY BLOGS & MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED!

series masterlist | AO3

You would’ve preferred to sit down inside your apartment in order to have this conversation rather than wander aimlessly on the hot streets of New York at almost midnight with your brother, but the surroundings are less important than the issue at hand.

Steve offered to buy frozen yogurt for the two of you, and fight as you might, you were persuaded to eat a little bowl of strawberry cold goodness. The two of you sat down at this little place on the corner, both clearly too uptight to initiate the conversation. So you clear your throat, exhaling slowly and steadily, and braced yourself.

“Steven—“

“I’m sorry.”

He blurts out the words as he stares at you, his eyes big and regretful.

“I’m so sorry for not supporting you more,” he continues, putting down the spoon. “And for not taking more of an interest in your hobby. It clearly means so much to you and I… I know I was a dickhead.”

“If you’re waiting for me to disagree it’s not going to happen.”

Steve chuckles, huffing.

“It’s more than a hobby, Steve,” you tell him. “In an ideal world where money wouldn’t be a thing, this would be my dream job. I’d do nothing else but write, travel and eat food all over the world. It’s why I took a job at the library. It’s the closest I’ll ever be to achieving that dream.”

“That makes me sad.”

“Made me sad too. But this is reality, and denying it won’t do me any favors.”

“You were always so much more mature and rational than me.”

Surprised, you make a face at him, unable to contain yourself. You’ve never heard such words from your brother.

“Me?” you say with a light chuckle escaping from your lips. “The eternal dreamer?”

“Yeah. Sure, you like to picture fictional worlds and get lost in them but you never lose sense of reality. You’re neither optimistic nor pessimistic. You just… live in the now.”

“You know… I’m actually really close to getting my own book published.”

Steve’s eyes widen further, his face revealing nothing but sheer excitement at this point, and the sight softens you; so much so that you smile involuntarily, rather flustered to finally share this news with him.

“That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you!” he nearly shouts.

“Thanks, thanks. You’re the third person I tell this to.”

“Third?”

“Javier and Sylvie know.”

“Oh. I see. Is it based on Star Wars? Or inspired by it?”

You frown. “No, you doofus, it’s my own story. If I were to publish a fanfiction for Star Wars, I’d definitely get sued by George Lucas.”

“Kind of defeats the point of writing it, doesn’t it?”

As happy as you felt a minute ago, you feel just as dumbfounded now.

“The point, again, is creativity,” you reply. “You start from there and you build towards your own independent stories.”

“Isn’t it a waste of time? I mean why not start right at—“

“Oh my God! You’ve been this way since we were kids. You always thought you’re superior, whether you realized it or not.”

“I didn’t. And I didn’t mean to insult—“

“You never mean to and yet you still do.”

Steve watches you stand up, hands on your hips and munching on your lower lip in what can only be described as anger finally bubbling up at the surface.

“Mom and dad always sung your praises because you chose to do things logically and fit into society while I was a bitter disappointment for spending time alone in my room, reading and writing,” you say. “You finished high school and went straight to the Academy and mom and dad couldn’t have been prouder. Me? I finished high school and went to study literature in college and it still wasn’t good enough.”

“Nobody ever said that, you know it’s not true.”

“They didn’t have to say it. I could see it in their eyes, the way they spoke. I was the weirdo who needed a social life while you were their beloved Steven, making his way into the real world at such a young age, being so brave. Mom and dad never stopped thinking there’s something wrong with me and they didn’t hesitate in telling me that with every chance they got. Passive aggressively but still.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“I know. I know that now. It took years of therapy to realize that.”

Steve watches you closely, filled with unrelenting guilt. He’s never seen you this decisive and mad, but he knows deep down he’s had it coming. All of the things he wished for your relationship are slowly going down the drain and he begins to fear that if he doesn’t say the right thing now and try his hardest to be here for you, he will lose you forever.

“I never meant to treat you any way other than with respect,” he says, his voice oddly hoarse. “I know I’m pushing things a lot of the time and I exaggerate and I have no right to intervene in your personal life, but it only comes from a place of needing to protect you.”

“I can protect myself, Steven.”

He huffs, grabbing your wrist and thus urging you to sit back down. “Do you remember in seventh grade when that group of idiots picked on you while you were reading on the playground? It rained heavily the day before and they snatched the book from your hands and threw it into a puddle, ruining it.”

“Yeah, I—I remember.”

“And then you told me that one of them, the bigger one, came onto you that same afternoon and forcefully kissed you. I had him suspended.”

“What—how?”

“I may have… broke his nose and threatened him to worse if he didn’t go to the principal’s office to confess to both forcing himself onto you and to bullying you.”

“Oh my—you never told me that.”

Steve shrugs. “Pretty sure that was the moment I started to be mindful of the guys that were around you. And when you got annoyed and purposely started dating the worst guys you could find, things have gotten wild.”

“You can say that again.”

You both chuckle.

“You know, the fact that you confided in Javi about your book before me or Connie is a bit hurtful,” Steve admits.

“Do you know why I told Javier first? Even before Sylvie? Because he asked me. It’s that simple. He took an interest in my passion and he actually cared about it. Hell, he turned my Star Wars story into a real book. He made it into a book just for me because he knows how much it means to me, and how much writing means to me.”

“He what?”

You nod. “Yeah. He didn’t mock me, he didn’t assume he knows better than me. He even encouraged me to keep going, which is how I’m close to finishing the editing part of my book faster than I anticipated. And this from a guy who was a complete stranger to me three months ago. You keep saying that Javier is your best friend but you don’t seem to treat him that way. You treat him like he’s bad news, like you didn’t go through all that shit together in Colombia. You need to get your shit together. Javier is a really good man. A good friend, and an overall good person.”

“I know he is, I’m just worried about him too like I’m worried about you. He hasn’t been the same since we came back from Colombia. It changed him in ways that I… I don’t know. I have Connie and Olivia and I feel so lucky but… he keeps to himself. He barely allows anyone in so I don’t know what it’s like inside his head. I was just so worried that you’d both rush into something you might not be ready for and end up hurting each other.”

You don’t realize you’ve been holding your breath for quite some time, but you certainly hadn’t felt the need to breathe, not in this moment when years of anger and misunderstandings culminate in the most honest sentences either of you have ever spoken to each other.

“Even if we did rush into a relationship or casual dating or whatever, it still wouldn’t be your call to make,” you remind him. “It’s not your decision, it’s mine and his. We’re both adults, tip-toeing around each other and around you because you have this weird protection fetish.”

“It’s not—“

“You know what I meant.”

“I—I’m really sorry, sis. I just wanted us to be closer. I went the wrong way about it, I know that.”

“You did. Trying to intimidate your best friend and controlling whoever your baby sister is around is not the way to go about this. You pulled the same shit in high school and look how that turned out.”

“I was worried about you, about both of you.”

“And you had reasons to, I’ll give you that. But now there is none. I’m okay. And Javier can talk if he feels like it.”

“You don’t know him the way I do.”

“Maybe not. But you don’t know him like I do, either.”

Steve calls out your name once you get ready to leave.

“Whom I date is none of your business,” you retort. “Not even if that someone was your best friend. Which is not. So cut it out already and get your shit together. If you can’t accept this, then leave me the hell alone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate it. And I appreciate what you did for me that time in the seventh grade. I really do. But I need some time before I can truly forgive you.”

Javier hadn’t expected the erratic knock on the door at this hour, and he certainly hadn’t expected to be met with the sight in his doorway.

You look just as lovely as ever, though you do seem to be a little tense. He doesn’t ask; instead, he looks you over and welcomes you inside, waiting for you to offer some explanation for your late visit, already perilous enough as it is.

“I know it’s late, I’m sorry,” you coo. “I just—this was the first place I thought of. Didn’t wanna be alone in my apartment.”

“It’s okay. What happened?”

“Why do you assume something happened? Can’t a friend pay a visit to another friend?”

“They can, but not with that expression on their face.”

“What expression?”

“You look like you’ve been run over.”

You frown, distancing yourself from him even further.

“I’m your friend, I should be able to tell you this without a problem,” Javier adds.

“No, you sure can. Thank you for the fine observation.”

“Glad I could be of service. Do you want a drink?”

Say no, your mind screams at you, almost begs. You shouldn’t be drinking, not when you’re feeling vulnerable after the raw conversation you’ve had at long last with your brother, and certainly not around Javier.

It’s not that you don’t trust yourself. You know what you can and can’t handle.

You’re simply afraid the liquor might provide you with the courage to finally tell him exactly what’s on your mind, and that you might end up being rejected. Something tells you Javier might choose loyalty and rationality over his feelings.

He keeps to himself, Steve told you.

“Little bit of whiskey would be nice if you have it,” you eventually reply, catching both Javier and yourself off guard.

“Didn’t know you drink whiskey.”

“I don’t. Not really. Only when I need something really strong.”

“I take it the conversation with Steve didn’t go that well then.”

Fucking hell, how does he do this? How does he intuit things about you without you even saying or hinting them?

“It did. I think,” you smile as a glass of amber liquid is being handed to you. “We talked things through, I told him my piece… he apologized. And he meant it, I could tell.”

“He’s an honest guy, and he means well.”

“I know he does. He only ever wanted to be there for his baby sister and to be a good friend, but he’s taken things too far. Which he’s acknowledged.”

“Color me intrigued and shocked.”

You smile, hiding the gesture in the glass and stealing a glance at Javier. An unfamiliar warmth surrounds you, wraps you in a blanket of confusion and longing that you’re certain you haven’t felt up until now.

“So how come you ended up here then?”

“I don’t know. I just… stormed off, told him I appreciate his apology but I need some time before I can fully forgive him.”

“While we’re at it…” Javier clears his throat, lowering his now empty glass, “I’m sorry too.”

“For what?”

“For everything.”

“You didn’t cause this.”

“I feel like I kind of did mess things up though. I’m quite good at it.”

“Javier…”

“What?”

You lower your glass too, reaching out to take his hand which he hesitantly accepts. “You’re not a bad guy. In no way, shape or form. Trust me on this. I know them pretty well. And you don’t fit in that category.”

When you smile at him, so sincere and bright, Javier pulls back his hand, chugging the rest of whiskey and focusing solely on the way it burns his throat.

And yet when he thinks of the way his body feels when you’re around you, that all-too-familiar burn is nothing compared to it.

“If I wouldn’t have taken this job, maybe things wouldn’t have been this way between you and Steve,” Javier mutters.

“Things between me and Steve have been rocky for years. They would’ve probably continued to be tense if you hadn’t pushed us to talk. Involuntarily, of course. And besides, if you wouldn’t have taken the job… I wouldn’t have met you.”

“I don’t know anyone whose life was better for having known me.”

“There is someone I can think of.”

Javier briefly gazes at you and quickly wishes he’d evaporate. It feels too much, far too consuming to even maintain eye contact with you on account of all the fear, the impossible yearning, the confusion and the—

No. stop it. This is not that.

“Anyway,” you resume, feeling a bit short of breath yourself, “I don’t think Steve wanted me to meet you in the first place.”

“That kinda makes me wanna get back at him.”

“Me too. And you know what would show him?”

Javier raises his brow, already anticipating and dreading the answer before it ever leaves your mouth.

“If we hooked up,” you smile wickedly.

He cocks an eyebrow, his interest peaked and his stomach all twisted in knots. “That so?”

“Mhm. We could let him stew in doubt, let him guess.”

“How would we pull that off?”

“Well, since we already agreed actually doing it is out of the question, a light touch on the arm when we’re all together, gazing at each other from afar, smiling… a kiss on the cheek, stuff like that.”

Javier has no idea when he finds himself in your close proximity again. All he knows is that he’s sitting on the chair next to you, leaning in yet again, cursing his own inner demons for fighting a losing battle, and his breaths betraying his restlessness.

“The buildup to a kiss is the best part,” he coos, and you swear you shiver for a second. “One of them, anyway.”

“Is it though?”

“Yes. What kind of jackasses did you date in the past? Jesus Christ.”

“The worst I could find.”

Against his better judgment—if there was any of it left—Javier chuckles, forcing himself to look at you.

“The moment you look into each other’s eyes and lean in, that’s where it all starts. It’s simple but it’s really powerful stuff. Heart beats faster. Breaths get shallower. At some point your eyes sort of drift away to the other’s lips, wondering what they taste and feel like. And then, when you finally feel bold enough to lean in more…”

You close your eyes, Javier’s faintly whiskey-infused breath all warm and tingly over your lips, and you wait. What you receive in return is a phone ringing though, so you instantly pull away, opening your eyes again and noticing the same expression on Javier’s face as you assume is on yours: desperation.

“I—“he starts, but you shush him immediately.

“It’s okay.”

We shouldn’t anyway, you think.

“Hello?” Javier practically groans into the telephone. “Hey, Con.”

You turn towards him on instinct, curious about the subject matter between the two, though you shouldn’t be; you know exactly what this is about, and at this late hour nonetheless.

“No,” Javier answers in an unusually dark and steady voice, eyes locked on your figure. “She’s not here.”

You look at him, utterly taken aback, and you gulp.

“Have you at least heard from her?” Connie inquires at the other end, unbeknownst to you. “She had a talk or a fight or something with Steve and now he’s worried. He says he called her apartment, went there and there’s no answer. It’s a whole thing.”

“I haven’t heard from her.”

“Javi…”

“Look, Con, with all due respect and care, she’s a grown woman and Murphy needs to stop babying her. She’s perfectly capable of making her own choices and seems to me that right now she doesn’t want to be found. So whatever you think it is that I’m doing…”

“I’m not thinking anything. Should I?”

“We’re… friends.”

“Have you noticed that whenever you say that, the pause between ‘we’ and ‘friends’ gets bigger?”

Javier frowns and blinks several times in a row, dumbfounded. “What?”

“It started out as ‘oh, we’re friends’ but now it’s more along the lines of ‘oh. We’re… sigh… friends’.”

“I sound nothing like that.”

“Javi. Come on.”

“I told you, Con. She’s not here tonight. Wherever she is, I’m sure she’s fine. She just wants to be left alone for a bit.”

“Well if you hear from her—“

“Yeah. Goodnight, Connie.”

Javier hangs up, frozen in the same spot. He knows that now there is no going back and that he’s in deep shit, but truthfully he only gives a damn about your well-being.

Everything else is tomorrow’s problem.

“You lied,” you coo.

“Fine observation skills.”

“Thank you.”

Javier stares at the ground, processing his own words and thoughts. Ever since he left Colombia, he’s all but tried to always do the right thing, the honorable thing and be a respectable man in today’s society. Not the Javier that worked with one of the most gruesome groups in the world for the greater cause, not Javier that bent the American embassy’s rules to fit into his scenarios, but a new Javier that was good and learned from his mistakes.

And now, every time he looks at you, he feels himself falling deeper into temptation, on the verge of making another mistake. Only this one might not be so easy to fix.

“Don’t thank me,” he mutters, pacing around the living room. “It was stupid and selfish. Obviously Connie knows you’re here and Steve’s gonna know and the whole thing’s gonna blow up in my fucking face.”

You notice him purposely avoiding your eyes and you reckon by the edgy way he’s marching through the living room that there are dozens of things on his mind now, if not more.

“Javier.”

No answer, more pacing.

“Javier, look at me.”

Still no answer, slightly less pacing.

“Why aren’t you looking at me? A minute ago you couldn’t stop looking at me when we were about to—“

“We were about to do nothing.”

“Right. I just—“

Then, Javier turns to you so abruptly it startles you for a second. You watch him walk towards you with a look on his face that you can’t quite put together. But it doesn’t intimidate you, nor does it scare you. On the contrary: it rather makes you want to hold him and be with him.

“What the hell are you doing to me?” he murmurs, his chocolate, soft eyes now glued to yours.

“I’m not—I’m not doing any—“

“No, you’re fucking consuming me. Eating me alive from inside out. And looking at you… whenever I look at you, I feel my promise to Steve break. I feel myself break, I feel… I feel the way I did back in Colombia, all fucked up and twisted and you don’t deserve that.”

“You never talk about it. Colombia.”

Javier purses his lips, holding his breath. “Sometimes it feels like I never left. Like it’s hell all around me. But then I think I can’t possibly be in hell cause you wouldn’t be there otherwise.”

Your heart flutters in your chest, your cheeks scorch with flattery and your body only craves more.

“Instead, you’re… here,” Javier continues, somewhat distraught. “You’re here and you’re… warm and fun and… alive. And your scent… I can’t get it out of my fucking head even if I know I should, I really should. Fucking… lavender, ruining me. And I just… I was hollow back there. I was dark and a jackass and… not as half as honorable as I thought I was, or that I’d be. I did shitty things, bad things. Colombia twisted me in ways I can’t revert. But I want to be better now, I want to be worthy, ironically because of you and for you. So looking at you feels like the most incredible thing in the world and the worst.”

You inch closer, breathless from the words that have been thrown at you, so raw and heartfelt.

“Did you ever kill a child?” you ask, and you can see the surprise on Javier’s face as the question is being processed by him.

“No.”

“A woman?”

“No.”

You nod once, slowly, inching even closer to him. “I thought we’re friends,” you whisper.

“We are, which is why I’m saying this with respect and care. Being your friend is killing me.”

“You said I’m not your type.”

“Apparently I was wrong. So very wrong. Apparently… you’re the very thing that I want. Pathetically desperate and… so fucking needy.”

Your skin is on fire by now, your throat dry and your mouth practically drooling.

“Javi,” you manage to get out.

“No, don’t—don’t do this to me right now.”

“Don’t do what? What are you—“

“Don’t say ‘Javi’, not like that.”

“How should I say it then?”

Javier’s eyes drop to your lips, and all of a sudden he’s unable to look elsewhere, consumed entirely by the unholiest thoughts he’s ever known.

“I got some ideas,” he whispers, his tongue wetting his lips.

“Mind sharing them with me?”

“I can’t.”

“But I want you to do this to me. There, verbal consent.”

Javier cocks his head to the side, thus exposing his neck and you’re feeling more parched than ever.

“The things I could do to you…” he mutters as if strictly to himself. “The things I could show you…”

“So show them to me. Show me… you.”

“Fuck, I want—“

“What do you want, Javi?”

The way you said his name, fully aware of the effect it has on him now and how much it messes with his mind, it makes Javier unable to think straight and certainly unable to resist you. In what can only be described as an act of insanity, Javier’s hand boldly rests on your waist, barely touching, and yet enough for both of you to feel the heat radiating from it.

“I want to do this right,” he says. “You’re not a random hookup. I—I wanna take you out to dinner, get to know you and be with you.”

“Dinner sounds nice.”

“Tomorrow night at seven?”

“Okay.”

In an even more insane act, you decide to move closer to him so that your lips press against his stubbled cheek. The touch is tentative, meant to be appreciative and thankful, but in the end, it only acts as a detonator to an already short enough fuse.

Before your brain properly understands what’s happening, you feel Javier sliding down your body until he kneels before you and wraps his arms around your legs and look up at you.

“Show me how to be good,” Javier mutters, and it shocks you to your core. “Show me how to be good, for you. Please.”

You open your mouth, and yet nothing comes out. Your mind must’ve short-circuited because no words come to mind except Sylvie’s from many weeks ago.

Mark my words, this Javier is gonna be on his knees before you, asking you to teach him how to be good.

Then you’re gonna be in big trouble, missy.

Damn you, Sylvie.

Still tongue-tied, you place your index finger beneath Javier’s chin, thus signaling him to stand back up. He follows obediently, staring at you once more and waiting, his heart in his throat.

Finally, at long fucking last, with chills creeping up your spine, you cup Javier’s cheeks and press your lips against his.

And good lord, is this the softest kiss you’ve ever had in your entire life.

It’s languid, tentative at first, as if you’re both waiting for each other’s reaction to it, but within the following seconds, the kiss turns sloppy and heated, betraying your eagerness.

Javier’s hands wrap around your body expertly, and he hums into your mouth, the sound going straight into your cunt almost soaking you on the spot. This is the part of relationships he’s actually really good at, something he’s very confident in, so he wastes no time in guiding you to his bedroom, leaving a wet trail of kisses down on your neck as he plops you on the bed, him atop of you.

“If you want to stop, you gotta tell me now,” he warns, his voice as dark as his eyes. “I mean, we can stop at any point, but if you don’t—“

“I want this, Javier. I want you. I don’t want to stop.”

Javier groans, his mouth back on yours and seemingly devouring it whilst his hands roam nervously on your body. There’s dampness between your legs, and you have the urge to rub your legs together in an attempt to hide the slickness, but when you feel a calloused hand grabbing the back of your thigh, gently squeezing it, you part your legs as if to make enough room for him. And he does; Javier grinds between your legs, beginning to undress you with so much determination it’s causing your head to spin.

By the time you’re topless and writhing beneath him, you’re begging for him to touch you some more. You’re begging for his hands, his mouth, any part of him that he’s willing to give to you, and Javier obeys without a single objection in mind.

“Lift your hips for me,” he instructs, and you do as he says.

Your pants come off, then Javier’s eyes stop on your underwear, already eating you up with a single look.

“So fuckin’ pretty,” you hear him say, and you shiver.

It’s you who pulls him back in for a kiss, and it feels like the most maddening, enticing and damnable thing in the whole wide world. One of Javier’s hands reaches in between your legs, feeling the dampness soaking your panties, and you gasp. He massages your clit through the fabric, having you moan uncontrollably right in his mouth, more so when you’re completely bare, panties thrown carelessly to the side.

“On my face,” Javier manages to get out during the brief pause which he takes to undress himself.

“What?”

“Sit on my face. Right now. I wanna taste you.”

Your mouth ajar, you stare at him struggling to compose yourself but there is no possible scenario in which you can accomplish that successfully. Instead, your eye roam over his shirtless figure, the sight fueling your needs further.

“Will you let me taste you?”

“I—it’s just I’ve never—done that, really.”

Javier looks dumbfounded at you. “You never sat on a guy’s face?”

“No, some of them barely went down on me, so I—“

“Do you trust me?”

You nod.

“Then take a seat.”

Javier lies down on the bed, quickly disposing of his own pants in the process, and it’s only then that you notice how hard he is. It can’t be comfortable, and yet here he is, choosing to do something that’s aimed for your pleasure. Unless of course this gives him great pleasure as well, which you think it does, and that only makes things tougher.

You climb up his body, quivering when you feel his calloused hands kneading the flesh of your ass and thighs as you do so, and quickly try to figure out the logistics of the act. That is, until Javier loses patience and grabs your thighs, placing them on either sides of his face, and you nearly lose your goddamn mind at his first taste he takes of you.

You’re sitting all the way on his face, his nose nudging your clit and his tongue lapping at your folds, collecting every ounce of arousal he can get. It’s pleasure from an angle you didn’t even dream of, and Javier certainly knows his way around a woman’s body. You react out of impulse and grab a handful of his hair, tugging on it while Javier’s tongue splits you open.

“Oh—f-fuck—“

You’re stuttering, heart pounding in your ears and your whole body afire; so much so that you shake, and not out of pleasure—not yet. But the way Javier yaps at your pussy, you somehow know he’s gonna get you there soon.

Beneath you, Javier listens closely to all the sounds you let out for him; he takes the time to feel every portion of your skin, not just the way his mouth is buried in your pussy, and to say he’s in awe would be a crass understatement. When you start grinding on his mouth, your body’s natural reaction to the way ecstasy builds in your body, Javier can’t help his own body’s reaction to it. You don’t see his hand sneaking behind you to curl around his weeping cock, and even if you did, all you’d want would be to take him in your mouth instead, give him at least half the pleasure and happiness he’d been giving you all this time.

“Javi—“

“Mhmmm—sounds so fucking good when you say it like that.”

“J-Javi, please—“

“Shit I could drink from you—all day long.”

Too impatient, both of Javier’s hands go back to your ass, grabbing it so that you rock faster against his tongue, but you’re already moving out of your own accord in a desperate attempt to capture more of his mouth, to have that feeling that’s only bubbling in your belly explode into a thousand explosive flames.

“Need you to say it,” you hear him beg from between your legs. “Can you say it for me, hm? Ask me.”

“Please, Javi…”

“Say it.”

“Javi, I need—I need you. Need to… feel you.”

Then, it all seizes around you: your mind goes blank, your vision goes dark, nothing but stars all around you and unbearable heat bursting from beneath you and going up till your whole body is enveloped in it. Javier’s hands continue to explore your body, touching and caressing every inch of skin, his eyes never leaving your figure like he’s admiring the most precious work of art there is.

“So beautiful,” you see him murmur as you’re getting off him.

Javier licks his lips teasingly just as you lean down to kiss him again. You doubt you’d ever get enough of his mouth now that you’ve finally tasted it.

“You’re so beautiful,” he says. “And so tasty.”

You smile flustered, still unable to think of anything proper to say. Some words do come to mind, of course; thank you, I appreciate your friendship, I’m in love with you—

Oh no, not that one.

You begin to fear that the way you’re kissing him exposes the reality in your mind, the word you undeniably feel fluttering inside your chest, begging to be released, but you can’t. It’s far too soon and too hasty, so you keep them to yourself. As your bodies get entangled with one another and you find yourself beneath him once again, you abandon those words in a tiny box at the back of your mind, sealed.

You find that once you keep your mouth shut, you can only gaze at Javier, and he at you. There’s nothing else to be said, not when your body’s being molded in such tender ways by Javier’s hands and mouth, praised for simply being here in between the sheets with him.

“Javi?”

“Hm?”

“Can you please fuck me now? I think we’ve both waited enough.”

“Couldn’t agree more.”

Javier reaches over, opening the nightstand and eventually rolling a condom onto his erection, lining up to your entrance. You can’t help but admire Javier, his eyes, his lips, his cheeks, his strong arms, his chest and his belly, the soft, dark curls at the base of his cock, the way his lower lip quivers when he’s overwhelmed.

“You’re so—“you gasp.

And the way he fills you to the brim in one languid, careful thrust is equal parts mesmerizing and enticing.

“So what?” Javier asks.

“So pretty.”

Javier stills for a moment, blinking in confusion. “No one’s said that to me before. I don’t… am I?”

You smile, nodding enthusiastically. “Yes. Very much so.”

Then Javier sinks into you, inch by delicious inch. You feel him pressing down onto you, completely undone and ravished, and keeps muttering into your ear little praises here and there. Your back arched, you take him and his words deep inside you, allowing Javier to consume you as much as he told you that you consume him.

And you have to admit, it is the most maddening sensation in the world.

He starts to move, a new urge overcoming him than when he’d been with women in the past. Being with you feels different because for the first time in so many years, he doesn’t want to rush; in spite of his neediness and almost two years of celibacy, now that he’s here, with you and inside of you, he wants to remain in this moment for as long as possible. He doesn’t have to rush, he realizes. There’s no bombs going off in the distance or shootings—most importantly, Colombia is not out there.

But you are here, soft and warm and kind and beautiful and Javier can barely breathe thinking about how much he adores you.

He wants to say the words, he feels them on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t want to scare you away. And he doesn’t want to rush things when this has the potential to be something so great.

His thrusts keep the same pace, though Javier feels like he could easily come at any given moment. Your tight, warm walls around him make him dizzy, utterly lost in that damned lavender scent and in your eyes and your smile. And your lips—oh God, he could kiss you all day and all night long. All the other times he’d abstained from kissing you, how close he was… how could he not have you that way?

“Javi…”

It’s all he hears, his name moaned from your perfect lips. All he knows now is you, the way you arch your back with each thrust of his, the way you gasp when his hand lays on your stomach and his thumb plays with your clit.

“I’ve thought about this, you and me… before,” you smile, cupping his cheeks.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. I swore I’d never tell you. But now—“

“I thought about it too.”

“You—you did?”

Javier nods, leaning down to peck your lips, the gesture followed by an ecstatic smile.

“I shouldn’t have. I knew it was… it was wrong, it was dirty and cheap… I couldn’t stop. I—I tried, please believe me, I really tried, I—“

“Javi, shhh. I know you did. You were very honorable, and a great friend. Especially now, to me.”

You both smile against each other’s lips, Javier’s hips stuttering after a little while. He feels that familiar burn in his stomach, and that’s the only time he dares speed up, almost manically so. With a few grunts, Javier buries his head in the crook of your neck, cursing once in a while as his orgasm bubbled in his whole body. He needs to feel you pulse around him more than anything.

“I’m—shitshitshit—“

“It’s okay, come for me, Javi.”

“But I—“

“I’m close too.”

“Yeah?”

“S-So close… please…”

You don’t need to beg: you and Javier are right there, both tipping over the edge of sanity and falling right into the pit of passion and ecstasy. Javier grunts the loudest he ever had, spilling himself inside the condom and remaining still above you, the pleasure coursing through his veins overwhelming him completely. He looks down on you and sees your face scrunched up in the most adorable and alluring way and it dawns on him: it’s because of him. You came twice now, once in his mouth and once around his cock, gasping and moaning sweetly because of him. There’s a pride in his chest, pride and flattery, almost to an animalistic, primal degree.

When he pulls out, you feel empty and lonely, though the thought seems ridiculous because he’s right there still, isn’t he? You can’t help it—it’s like you want your bodies to remain united as one for as long as humanly possible.

“Oh, by the way,” Javier says, returning from the bathroom with a towel that he begins to press on your inner thighs and between them, “this is probably obvious, but we’re not telling your brother about this, right?”

You raise your eyebrows, bemused at his genuine question.

“I know we joked about it before, but… still.”

“Unless hell freezes over, no, we are not telling Steven shit.”

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tags: @pedrostories @psychedelic-ink @milkymoon2483 @ifall4dilfs @casa-boiardi @fallenkitten @jenispunk

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zer05trange · 4 months

Text

Roaring Sea

IV. Good Things

⋆｡°✩ (childe x fem!reader)✩°｡⋆

⋆｡°✩ wc: 3.5k

⋆｡°✩warnings: angst, graphic violence, slight gore (blood), mentions of sickness and getting sick

⋆｡°✩: series masterlist

“Ivan, you can go ahead and clock out for today,” You say, with your arms deep within the oven, “I do need you all day tomorrow, though. You’ll probably need to close, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yes ma’am,” You hear him from behind you. He should be satisfied with that, he was rightfully busy with school over the past few months, so he hasn’t got many hours in recently.

The boy proceeds to leave the store after getting half of the tips, and when he opens the door, a gust of cold wind blows in. You immediately start shivering. Even with the many years you’ve lived in Snezhnaya, her cold touch always froze you half to death.

As the sun started to set, it began to be more dangerous to be outside for any longer than necessary. Your mind begins to wonder about Tartaglia, and how he’s fairing in the biting weather. It had been around 13 hours since he left you earlier that morning, so he must have felt the frostiness of the winter at some point in the day.

You need to stop thinking about him, though difficult, because the mere thought of him makes you anxious. And at this point, you can’t tell whether the anxiousness is from worriment or excitement. So instead, you try to focus your brain on closing your bakery for the day and serving your last customers.

By the time that the least customer left your bakery, and all of your. closing tasks were finished, it was close to 11:00pm. You sigh as you turn off the lights and head upstairs, locking the door behind you.

You quickly change into some comfortable house-clothes before walking over to the kitchen to heat up the leftover soup that Tartaglia brought the night before. You heat the bowl on the stove and steeping a pot of tea, flipping through pages of a novel while you wait. Eventually, you take your filled bowl and mug over to your sofa, where you begin to eat your meal.

You stare at the wall opposite you, looking at the vast amounts of pictures and paintings that mounted it. If anyone saw you, they'd be able to tell that something was bothering you. That may have been because of Tartaglia’s absence, or the whole Tartaglia situation itself. You can't tell.

You continue to eat and stare, trying to keep your peace amongst your sea of thoughts. And you do achieve some sort of peace for a few minutes.

That is, until you hear loud noises coming from outside the window of your back room.

It makes you jump, at first. There’s yelling, and clashing of metal, and even screams. You quickly, yet quietly, make your way to the source of the sound. The back window faces the other side of Snezhnaya.

There isn’t a nice city street to gaze upon, but rather the isolating and barren landscape of the Snezhanayan mountains. You get close to the window, and even with minimal lighting outside, you can see that there are two groups of people having some sort of… battle.

One group is being cornered against a large, snow-covered rock, while the other, which is much larger in size, approaches them. You realize that the more powerful group is unmistakably a Fatui squad.

There are a few agents, cicin mages, as well as a legionnaire and a vanguard. They’re massive, as well, but they’re forming a protective u-shape around someone. It must be their leader, you think, as the group seemingly follows each meticulous move from the center. You squint your eyes to get a better look at the group causing so much noise, but the darkness outside hinders your ability to get a clear look.

The vanguard lunges for the main leader of the smaller group, which you think is a band of treasure hoarders, and grabs at him. He turns the hoarder around by the back of the neck, where he’s now facing the Fatui group, about four inches off the ground as well. The Fatui leader gets closer to him, barking something unintelligible at the man before bringing his hand up to the neck of the hoarder.

The Fatuu swipes their hand across the man’s neck causing it to slit open. As the leader does so, you could swear that you saw a flash of purple-like lightning. The man’s throat opens and blood gets everywhere. Everywhere. You put your hand over your mouth to cover a gasp as the vanguard drops the man to the ground, whose body is convulsing on its way to death.

This is the first time you’ve seen someone die. Sure, you’ve beat some people up for commissions, even a treasure hoarder or two, but killed someone? Never, and you can’t see yourself doing so. It makes you feel nauseated to see how the man’s life was ripped away so fast.

But you can't look away. You keep watching as the Fatui are signaled by their leader to ambush the rest of the hoarder group. You witness how they butcher each and every one of the smaller, weaker group. You see the hoarders being bashed by the vanguard’s hammer, slashed to pieces by the agent’s blades, and how cicins and frost are released by the mage and legionnaire. You want to look away, but your eyes remain glued to the scene.

Their leader gets in on the action and is somehow more violent and bloodthirsty than the rest, despite being less muscular than the others. You can tell from here that the leader is a man, as well.

He begins to slash and stab using some sort of water-like sword, and you know that means he’s not just some Fatui soldier. He has a vision and a delusion, he must be a harbinger.

The blood of the hoarders soaks into the snow, a deep pool of crimson surrounding the entire scene. The Fatui group starts celebrating in victory as the last hoarder goes silent, and they turn around to head the opposite way. Since they now face your general direction, you attempt to hide yourself while still watching the group. They get closer and closer to the streetlights of the strip you live on, and you stay to see what exactly was going on. Their leader gets into a visible light first, and your eyes blow wide.

The leader has a disgusting grimace on his face, with eyes blown wide and a face of pure malice donning on him. His irises are so small you can barely see them, but rather, a sea of white paints over his eyes. He has a grin akin to the cheshire cat, each corner pulled to a supernatural looking upturn. It’s a face of nightmares, one so scary that it distracts you from the fact that the face belongs to

Tartaglia.

You freeze in place.

No, absolutely no way. It cannot actually be him. There’s no way that the sweet, fun-loving Tartaglia you knew is the same man you were looking at at the moment. It couldn't be possible that the left cheek which is covered in a helpless man’s blood, was the same one that you softly brushed flour off of. The face that you woke up to this morning, the face you kissed this morning, was the same face that donned such a horrifying expression. The eyes that looked at your face with so much adoration, were unrecognizable as they were clouded over in a bloodthirsty haze.

You can’t believe it.

Out the fear of being caught, or pure weakness, you fall to the floor and out of the window's view. You can feel your dinner coming up from your stomach, but you physically cannot move. You’re shaking, you feel so numb that you can’t feel the multiple tears streaming out from your waterline and down your face.

He didn’t just lie to you about his job, but he actively kept it from you. A harbinger one of the most dangerous and well-known individuals in all of Tevyat, has now been frequenting your bakery almost every day.

There’s no way people don’t know, right? More socially knowledgeable Snezhnayans visit your shop every day and must see you happily chatting to a Fatui Harbinger.

It begins to make sense to you, even in a state of shock. His body being covered in scars, the fact that he never took you outside of the bakery, or how he always left in the early hours of the morning.

How many people has he killed? How many dark deeds has he done, and then come into your home to hold and kiss you as if nothing happened?

And his face was so, so horrifying. Distorted to the point where it was almost unrecognizable to the person he’s spent almost every night with. His lightless eyes blown so wide, and even being in the darkness for so long, his pupils were almost invisible.

His smile, not that you could call it that, was so wide and full of pure bloodlust. And there was blood all over his face, the parts that you kissed, held, and brushed over with your thumb almost daily. It was in his mouth, as if he had internal injuries, and matted itself in his hair. The hair you love to brush through, grab at, and ruffle.

Your sobs are silent. At some point, you get yourself to your bathroom, where you sit beside the toilet in case you get sick after what you’ve seen. Through your choked sobs and curled up body, you feel exhaustion setting in. And eventually, with your back against the bathtub, you fall asleep against the cold tile.

the next day

Today was a good day for Ajax. He got through with training his Fatui underlings before lunchtime, and quickly finished off his day with mandatory, though grueling, paperwork. He was working efficiently, but it was very quick-paced, even for him. He knows exactly why he was so quick in his actions today, too. He can’t deny it any longer, he’s fallen for a woman who runs a bakery.

He never thought he’d see the day. He thought his heart was too cold. He wouldn’t even say he had a heart, not after falling down and witnessing the horrors of the abyss. He cared for his family so deeply that the abyss couldn’t even take it away from him, but one other person in his heart? He couldn’t imagine a world where he could let another person into it.

But now he’s living that reality.

He's never felt the feeling of it outside of his immediate family, but he has to be sure about it. The feeling that warmed his frozen heart, is love. It has to be.

And it scares the 11th.

It scares him how much he worries for you once he leaves your presence. It scares him how for the longest time, you acted as if you denied any idea of a future with him. It scares him when he thinks of you moving on from him, and finding someone else. But that recurring thought is more than fright, it brings on anger and anxiety.

As he walks down the city, he thinks of the idea, and immediately brushes it off before his electro delusion sets off. Again.

He needs to tell you about his job, and soon.

It’s not like he intentionally meant to keep it from you from the start, it was Teucer who introduced you to Ajax through his stories, and Ajax had to keep that up around his brother. You just got caught in a protective lie.

And his name, you need to know it. He’ll give it a few more dates, Ajax thinks. He needs you in his future, without the lies and without the cover-ups.

It’s only 5:00PM, and he’s sure that he can get you to close the bakery early to go on your planned date with him. He’s wearing a more put-together and warm outfit than his usual uniform and even found himself double-checking his look in the mirror to look good for you. In his eyes, you’re so gorgeous, too beautiful for his tainted eyes to look upon. So, to try and get even get close to your level of beauty, he took some extra time in getting ready.

He tightens his scarf around the bottom of his face. Man, the weather today is intense. Ajax begins to wonder whether going outside with you is the smartest idea. But it has to be, if it's what you want.

He’s always known that he wants to add to his family, regardless of whether he could ever love again or not. But now, he has someone he loves, and someone that he could see fitting in perfectly to his future. So he has to try, Ajax has to win the battle over your affections.

And if that means he has to be out in the cold, or anywhere else other than the comfort of your little apartment, he would stand out in the weather for thousands of hours. If it meant he could be with you.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he missed the bakery by a few steps. He quickly retraces them to the front door of the shop, and looks into the bakery from its large glass panes. You aren’t in there, or in sight at least, instead there’s a boy behind the counter.

Oh hell no.

He confidently enters the bakery and makes a bee-line to the front counter.

“Welcome, is there anything I can help you with today?” He hears the man speak.

“Where’s Y/N?” Ajax asks with a friendly tone. But the glint in his eyes is nothing but friendly, instead, he’s staring down the man with dangerous eyes.

“Ms. Y/N is sick at the moment. If you need me to take a word for you, I’ll gladly tell her when she’s bett–”

“No,” Ajax barks at the boy before making his way behind the counter and to the door leading up to your home. He sees who he hopes is just your employee getting ready to defend your privacy, but Ajax just side-eyes him and scoffs before opening the unlocked door, and locking it from behind him.

He makes his way up the steps, as he begins to worry over your health. Sick? In the months he’s known you, you’ve never felt under the weather. Specifically, on the one day he was going to take you out and ask you to be something official with him. That can’t be intentional–right? Not after yesterday morning.

He reaches the front door to your home, and hesitates to turn the knob. What if you’re too sick to see him, or you don’t want to see him? He finds how disgustingly dependent he is when it comes to you.

He turns the knob, finding that it is locked. So he tries to knock, three separate times. On the third, he hears your voice. Oh thank the archons, you’re decent enough to speak. Though your voice is hoarse.

“Ivan? Is that you?” You respond from the other side of the door. Who the fuck is Ivan?

He hears you unlock the door, and open it. He notices you before you notice it’s him, and you do look like you’ve been sick. Your hair is unkempt, and your eyes have darker circles around them, and they’re puffy. You’ve been crying.

He’ll slaughter the person that made you this upset.

But before he can say anything, you lock eyes with him, and sharply inhale through your teeth.

A gasp? Why are you

“How did you get up here?” You hiss at him. Your face is full of fear, as well. Ajax thinks of the thousands of reasons you could possibly be so alert, each possibility making him more anxious.

“Your door was unlocked! We were going out today... right?” He says with a nervous chuckle, trying to qualm whatever mood you were in.

“You can’t be in here,” You respond shakily, taking a step backward from him each second.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Ajax says, “Can we talk?”

He closes the door behind him, against your wishes. His face is now as worried as yours is, yet you’re trembling in his presence. Your face is no longer looking at his, now it faces the floor.

“You want to talk now?” Your face still looking at the floor, “Yet you didn’t want to tell me that you’re in the Fatui? That you are a harbinger?”

Oh.

“Y/N, I–”

“You what? Were you ever going to tell me?" You bark quietly.

He stays silent, so you continue.

"When were you going to tell me that when you weren’t with me, you were mercilessly slaughtering helpless people?” Your words are filled with venom, like you were condemning him with your statements.

“Y/N, who told you about this?” He responds, his voice getting shaky itself.

“Why? So you can go kill them too?” Your voice begins to raise before you take a deep breath, “I saw you! and you looked so- so…”

“Y/N–”

“Stop it! Stop saying my name,” You yell at him, “If you wanted to keep this from me, you should maybe be quieter when you go and kill someone right outside of my home.”

“I never meant to keep it from you,” He says, in a voice much quieter than your own.

“Last time I checked, a toy maker was a little different from being a harbinger, Childe.”

The use of his Fatui alias shocked him. Have you just been mulling and researching over this all day? It’s unlike you, almost too unlike you. He never said that name, did he? Where did you get this information?

“A Toy-maker is what I use to keep what I do from my young brother,” He snaps, then realizing the tone he just took with you. He takes a deep breath and a pause before continuing, “I am so sorry. I really am, and I was going to tell you. But I can’t tell just anyone what I do.”

He knows the second it left his mouth, he knew he fucked up.

“Just anyone,” You repeat with a small, pained smile, “you need to leave, now.”

“No– Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that,” He responds, taking a step closer to you. You back away in fear, while simultaneously summoning a sword out of pure elemental energy. You bring your sword in front of you, as a means to protect you.

He stands back, out of respect and shock. You drew your weapon on him... something he never thought you'd do outside of a playful spar. His eyes widen at your gesture, as he puts his hands at his side.

“I am scared,” You almost whisper. He can feel his stomach drop when you mutter it, too. The one person, in all of Tevyat that shouldn’t be scared of him, just declared it right in his presence, "What am I supposed to do, Tartaglia? I mean, I don't even know your name!"

“You have no reason to be scared, you are one of the most protected citizens in this nation. Even when I’m not there, you’re still protected,” He tries to comfort you. But that didn’t work, because your eyes were blown wide at his confession.

“What do you mean by that? Do you have people stalking me?” You yell at him, “Tartaglia I am scared of you. I was scared by what I witnessed. And I am scared of the face I saw on you last night," You spit out nervously. His heart cracks slightly, an unnerving and unfamiliar feeling.

"You enjoy it, don’t you? You enjoy stripping the lives away of others, I could tell. Honestly, Tartaglia, I would be okay with the whole Fatui thing, I would. But your face, and your smile, after killing someone? I don’t think I can–” You cut yourself off, “Please, just leave. I don’t want people watching me, so stop that too. You don’t need to come back either.”

He can’t find the words to explain himself any longer. He wants to scream that he loves you, and he never meant to keep anything from you.

But in a rare defeat, he begins to take steps backward toward the door. The entire time he gets closer to the door, he’s looking at you. He can see how a few tears escaped your eyes, and how the sword you’re holding is shaking along with your body at this point.

“Alright Y/N,” He mutters quietly, before turning the knob and softly closing the door behind him.

He could feel it physically, the heart he thought was no longer there, was breaking. He should’ve seen it coming, he had a few fleeting months of happiness, but all good things must come to an end for him.

⋆｡°✩a/n: this fic is actually anti—situationship propaganda >:). Thank you for reading, next chapter will be out soon!

⋆｡°✩tag list: @inlovewithlondonn @zamorazz @ay4tou @kur0melon @boomie-123 @esthelily @i-simp-for-giyuu @itsflowerdomethings @whatamidoing89 @luvrkise

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lelet-draws · 6 months

Text

After Chalice of Gods ends and if Rick still wants to write Percy Jackson books, I think it would be cool to shift the focus and have Nico as the protagonist. Something like a Camp Half Blood next generation.

The thing about Nico is that he has a pattern in every series of always getting a confirmation that things will get better for him. And it isn’t a bad thing, it’s just that it never leads to a proper closure.

Percy staying with Annabeth and going to New Rome feels like an appropriate closure, since Percy’s whole goal through the books was to survive and hopefully live a happy life with the ones he loves.

Nico getting together with Will however, doesn’t seem like a proper ending, it feels more like a new beginning for a character that spent most of his life suffering without having any control.

And Nico is literally one of the most interesting characters. He is the only kid of the big three who is alive and didn’t have a support system or a place to call home until very recently. He struggles with the way he sees himself and even shows some signs of disorder eating. He can and has traveled the world through shadow traveling. He was frozen in time and lives in a completely different era, where he finally can be accepted as a gay person.

The thing I liked about tsats, was how Nico managed to work through his trauma and accept it, finally gaining control over his own life. But now that he has the control, what will he do next?

I think having a Nico centered series would be really cool, cause there are so many things that could be explored.

What will he do now? Will he go to school? Will he stay in the camp?

How is he adjusting to the modern world? What friends will he make along the way? How will he interact with the other campers?

How will he find his passion/goal in life and achieve it? How will his boyfriend help him?

There are just so many questions about this character that need to be answered. A series about Nico finding himself, learning how to adapt to the world around him and work through his trauma would be just amazing.

#pjo #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #hoo #heroes of olympus #toa #trials of apollo #tsats #the sun and the star #nico di angelo #will solace #solangelo

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dreamwatch · 9 months

Text

STWG daily prompt 09/10/23

Prompt: balcony

c/w outing

****

“It’s beautiful, Eddie.”

And it really is. A two storey house over looking the beach. Real wood floors, so many windows, leaving the house bright and airy. The furniture was all new, too. There was a huge beige sectional in the living room and Wayne didn’t think he knew enough people to fill it. It was crazy.

And the view. There had been no money for vacations when Eddie was growing up, so save for the occasional camping trip they made do with looking at brochures from the travel agency in Hawkins. And they would plan. Make lists of all the places they were going to go. Picked their hotels and their holiday homes. Always the biggest suite available. Always with sandy white beaches and clear blue seas, swimming pools and cocktails.

This place was all those vacations rolled into one.

“You like it?”

Wayne just nods back, feels a little choked if he’s honest. He’s so fucking proud of this kid. Every achievement in his life has been hard won, no one handed him anything on a platter. Even for this, he worked his ass off and Wayne knows for a fact Eddie pushed himself, pushed the band, into touring more than was good for them. Eddie had become a workaholic over the last couple of years, something Wayne was going to have to keep an eye on. Though the distance made it hard.

The day Eddie left Hawkins was bittersweet. It broke Wayne’s heart, truth be told, but he did the thing you’re supposed to do when you’re a parent. Stood outside their trailer and sent his boy off into the world and told him the door was always open. That had been five years ago and Eddie hadn’t stepped foot in Hawkins since then.

And look at him now, buying fancy beach front property. Wayne walked out onto the balcony and shook his head. They were a million miles away from that trailer right now.

“You know I’ve a mind to take a photograph of this and stick it on a poster in the middle of Hawkins.” He spread his hands out, framing the imaginary image. “‘Welcome to Eddie Munson’s beach side abode.’ It would be worth the cost just to watch people choke.”

Eddie gives him an impish grin. “Uncle Wayne, this isn’t my house.”

He frowns back. “Please tell me we’re not trespassing, Ed, I’m on vacation son, I just want a nice-“. He stops when Eddie grabs his hands and drops a set of keys into it, a heavy key ring attached. A single silver ‘W’.

“This is your house.”

There’s silence for a while, though anyone with really good hearing would hear the cogs screeching to a halt in his head.

“I don’t understand.”

Eddie leans back against the balcony guardrail to face Wayne. “I bought it for you. I want you to live out here with me. I fucking miss you, old man, I hate it. Hate not having you close by. So. Yeah.” He ends with a shrug.

“Can you even afford this? I mean, you have a place already, can you afford another?”

Eddie nods. “I can afford it. Bought this outright, it’s yours, bank doesn’t own a single square inch. My place is mortgaged. I figure, you know, I fuck everything up eventually, so I still need a home to come back to when it all comes to an end.” Wayne tuts at him, hates the way he puts himself down. Hang over from school, and his parents. He thinks it’s so deeply ingrained he’ll never break him out if it now.

“I took the liberty of picking my room out, but the masters all yours.”

“Son, I don’t know…”

Eddie’s face falls. “You don’t like it. I should have asked. Fuck, I knew it, I shouldn’t have just assumed you’d want to move, you have a life back-“

“Eddie-“

“-and I didn’t even consider if you’d like to pick out your own home, like, who fucking does that, and I don’t even let you-“

“Eddie!”

“Yeah?”

“Calm down, son.”

“Okay.”

“I love it.”

Large brown eyes meet his, full of hope. Not without some fear. “Do you mean it? Because we can look elsewhere? Like, another neighbourhood, maybe? You know, if you don’t like this one.”

Wayne laughed. “Where’s your place? In relation to this?”

“Fifteen minute drive.”

“Hmm, fifteen minutes beats thirty hours, I think.”

“It’s only five hours if you fly.”

“Fifteen minutes beats five hours, too.”

So that’s how Wayne Munson, previously of Forest Hill’s trailer park, winds up living in a million dollar beach house in California.

—-

It’s weird, the not working, the finding of a new routine when yours has been the same for literally decades. He’s a creature of habit, likes a little order. So he still wakes early every morning. Still likes to sit out and smoke every evening. Only now he gets to do that lying on a lounger on a huge balcony watching the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. It’s a new routine he’s very happy to have.

—-

“That boy of yours working yet?”

They’re sitting, knocking back a couple of beers watching the sunset. Eddie’s been spending more time here lately, and Wayne loves it, but he’s also not an idiot.

Eddie nods before finishing the last if his beer. “Yeah. Got some modelling work coming up.”

Wayne hums.

“Don’t, Wayne. Not tonight.”

So they don’t.

—-

Eddie swings by as much as he can when he’s not touring or working. Wayne worries about him everytime he heads into LA, especially since the riots, but he tries not to mollycoddle. He’s twenty seven now. Not a kid anymore.

But he’s touring a lot. They just got back from the biggest one yet, 331 days, 189 shows. It’s too much. Wayne hates it. But Eddie doesn’t listen. So on they go.

—-

“Forgot to tell you, I got a postcard from Curly.”

“I can’t believe you still call him that,” laughs Eddie.

Dustin will always be Curly to him, and no rockstar is going to tell him otherwise.

“He’s hiking on the Appalachian Trail, did you know that? Think he’s got the Wheeler boy with him, too.”

“I did know that, they tried to get me to go with them.”

Wayne stares at him likes he got two heads. “Have they not met you before?”

Eddie splutters. “I’ll have you know I’m incredibly fit. Touring is hard work. I’m in peak physical condition, thank you.”

They laugh at the thought of Dustin Henderson and Mike Wheeler hiding from bears and finish another couple of beers, watching the sun go down.

—-

Wayne has started to build a new routine. He likes to walk in the early evening. He tried it after lunch one day and nearly collapsed. (He never told Eddie about that.) So now he heads out around five in the afternoon when the temperature is a little more manageable, and has a leisurely stroll around the neighbourhood or along the beach before heading back to the house.

The first thing he notices when he comes through his front door is the hold-all on the floor, barely zipped up and hastily packed.

“Ed?”

He doesn’t get a response but the sliding door is open and he just makes out the figure curled up on a lounger.

“Son?”

“Can I stay a couple of nights?” There’s a broken sound to his voice, like he’s been crying. Wayne hates it.

“You know you never have to ask.”

Wayne brings them both beers, and takes his usual seat. Just waits.

“There’s going to be an article in the press. Don’t know the details, but looks like I’m being outed.”

And there it is.

“By who?”

Eddie looks at him forlornly. “Does it matter?”

“And what does… Luke, does he know?”

“He’s leaving tonight. I just didn’t want to be there until he’s gone.”

“Good. I’ll go round tomorrow make sure he’s out. Get the locks changed.”

They sit for a while, listening to the ocean.

“Is it so bad? Hmm? You got a lot of fans now, people love you. They wouldn’t care.”

“You don’t know that,” Eddie replies, sounding pained. “And it’s not just me. I have to think of the others. If they take me down they might take the band with it. And…” he looks at Wayne, large brown eyes spilling with tears. “It was mine. They had no right to take that from me.”

“You’re a public figure though,” Wayne sighs, hates he’s having to say this. “It was always a possibility, hmm? Not saying it’s right, just… just saying.”

They finish their beers in silence before Wayne cracks open a bottle of whisky Eddie bought him a couple of years back. Pricey, he knows, but if ever it was needed it’s now.

—

It’s news, for a while, but mostly in some of the shittier publications. There are jokes and taunting in some of the rock magazines, and it starts being a thing interviewers want to talk about. Their management company make sure everyone knows it’s off limits.

Wayne hates it so much.

—-

He puts up some wind chimes. He spends more time out on that balcony than in the living room, so he decides it’s time to jazz it up a bit. He’s far enough from his neighbours that it shouldn’t bother them, but he also doesn’t give a shit.

Just as he sits the phone rings, and he needs to get a line out here, because somehow it doesn’t matter who it is they always get him the moment he sits down.

He’s a little rude when he answers the phone.

“Uh, Mister Munson?”

“Yes, and who is this?”

“It’s Steve Harrington, sir, I don’t know if you remember me? Um, from Hawkins?”

Yes. Yes he remembers Steve very well. You tend to remember people when they save your kids life. Tend to remember them when they spend a lot of time with your kid afterwards.

“I remember you, Steve. Don’t worry about that. I didn’t know you were in contact with Eddie again, he’s not here I’m afraid, he’s on tour, not sure where is today-“

“Sydney. He’s in Sydney.” Steve clears his throat, and there’s something about the tone.

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s okay,” Steve gets in as fast as he can, “he’s- honestly, he’s going to be fine.”

“What’s wrong, Steve?”

“He collapsed, on stage.”

Wayne feels the air leave his lungs, doesn’t realise he’s made a noise until Steve cuts in.

“He’s okay, but they’re keeping in the hospital overnight, doctors are saying it’s exhaustion, so they’re getting fluids into him and they want him on bed rest for a while. He hit his head on the edge of the drum riser when he went down, so he’s got a few stitches and he’s gonna have a hell of a headache when he wakes up. But he’s going to be okay.”

Eddie’s home two days later, Steve in tow carrying the bags, and he looks terrible. Gaunt, dark circles that need more than a good nights sleep to erase, and a gauze dressing in the middle of a dark purple bruise on his temple. He looks pitiful. Wayne pulls him into a gentle hug and he feels Eddie go loose in his arms.

“Let’s get you up to bed, hmm? We can talk later.”

After, Wayne takes Steve out on to the balcony, and closes the door behind him.

“Thank you, for looking after him.”

Steve smiles. “You don’t have to thank me for that, he’s my… he’s my friend. I’ll always look after him.”

Wayne thinks on that for a while. He can read between the lines as well as anyone else.

“I didn’t know you were back,” together?, “in contact.”

“Yeah, a few months back, Dustin’s wedding? Yeah, it um… yeah it was nice. Unexpected.” He sees the look on Steve’s face. Knows that look. Saw it on both their faces back in Hawkins before Eddie left to conquer the world.

“So, when do you go home?”

Steve taps out a rhythm on the side of his can. “I got a couple of days of leave I’m gonna take, just till I know he’s okay. But I need to get home soon, work you know.” He carries on with his tapping and Wayne thinks he recognises it, one of Gareth’s grooves. Catchy. Not that he’d ever say that to the band.

“I, uh. I’m thinking of moving out here, actually.”

There’s a couple walking along the beach, their dogs racing back and forth and in and out of the ocean. They can hear them laughing from here.

“This is a nice neighbourhood. You know, if you were looking for a place to settle.”

Wayne can see Steve smile and nod out of the corner of his eye.

“So I’ve heard.”

—-

They’re out on the balcony at one am with a bottle of champagne and three beers. He’s usually very respectful, but tonight his attitude is very much ‘fuck the neighbours’.

“So, where you gonna put it?” Wayne asks.

Eddie sways, he’s been celebrating all evening, long before he arrived here with Steve. The two of them in sharp tailored suits and shiney shoes. Wayne should get a photo before they take them off. Eddie in actual shoes.

Eddie leans over and grabs it, the gold gramophone glimmering under the balcony lighting.

“Hmm… I was thinking right over there,” he says, pointing to a litte decorative table on the other side of the sliding doors.

Wayne’s stares at him, confused. “You got to take it home, put it somewhere where everyone will see it.”

“I don’t need everyone to see it. I just need us to see it.”

Maybe it’s the champagne and the beer he’s been mixing, but suddenly it all hits him. The heat in his face, the stuffy nose. Ten years. Ten years of hard work.

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” He dabs at his eyes, and he watches as Eddie wipes his on his shirt, Steve tutting at him about using a handkerchief.

Wayne grabs the Grammy and takes it inside, placing it on the table next to the photograph of Eddie and Steve that he likes to keep close by.

They spend the night out on the balcony, drinking and talking, wind chimes twinkling, and they wait for the sun to rise.

#stwgdailyprompt #eddie munson #wayne munson #steve harrington #rockstar eddie munson #steddie #steddie fanfic #my writing #dreamy writes #steddie fanfiction #cw outing

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sokoviansimp · 1 year

Note

can you please do one of wanda and nat x child reader and getting them to do homework and eat hahahahah i love ur fics btw it makes me feel so warm

✒ Pairings: Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff x Child!Reader (platonic)

✒ Summary: Wanda and Nat try to get you to do your homework and eat your vegetables.

✒ Tags and Warnings: Homework, stubbornness, fluff, anxiety, making friends

✒ Author's Note: I really appreciate the request! I thought this was such a good idea, hopefully, I did it justice! Sorry, it took so long. To the other requests in my inbox, I am sorry I am so slow but I will be getting to them, they're all so good :)

✒ Word Count: 4744+

✒ Read Time: 24 minutes

Masterlist : The Package AU : Socials

“It sounds like a good opportunity, I don’t think it’s ever really too early to start” Nat urged.

“I guess, but she’s just so young,” Wanda claimed as she moved to join her friend on the couch.

“They’ll all be her age, it’s just for a week,” Nat insisted.

Nat had found a program for young children to learn science and math for a week, it was kind of like a day camp. The parents would drop off the young children daily for 4 hours of hands-on learning. She thought this would be good for you since you have been following very closely in Peter’s footsteps when it comes to his interest in math and science. It would also introduce you to a school setting so that it isn’t so far out of your comfort zone next year when you go to attend preschool.

To be truthful, you and Wanda were all Nat could think about lately. She wanted so badly to be there for you two, to help you achieve success and be given opportunities that she could’ve only dreamed of at your age. This sent her down a rabbit hole searching for events or activities you could take part in. Most of them were geared toward older children, but the science camp stated all ages so she jumped on it.

Wanda was hesitant about the program, she didn’t want to push school onto you too early. You should be able to enjoy the time before it completely takes over your life for 14+ years. Nat had a point though, it’s only a week and you would probably really love it. She wasn’t sure how you would react to being left without her all day though, hopefully, now that you have been coming out of your shell the process would be easier but it was hard to say.

Though, it’s inevitable that this will need to happen eventually. One week of practice would be helpful to smooth out the process once it's mandatory. Wanda really admired the way Nat was so enthusiastic about this program, like the way her voice became more animated and expressive. Wanda could hear the slight rise in her tone as she described the activities that you’d get to experience, and the way she leaned closer in proximity to show off the different amenities on the webpage had Wanda holding her breath and overthinking every little movement of her body. As she got lost in the sparkle in Natasha’s eyes, she couldn't help but scrutinize herself for making everything so awkward, ‘don’t move, don’t breathe. Okay, breathe but slowly. Does she notice? why is this making me feel this way? It’s not like we’ve never been close to each other before.’

“What do you think?” Nat jolted her from her spiraling thoughts, both mentally and slightly physically as Wanda startlingly looked at her. Of course, she hadn’t been paying attention to a thing Nat was saying, but she couldn’t know that.

“Hmm, yea that sounds great,” she admitted, hoping she hadn’t just agreed to send you to a shield boot camp or something that only Natasha would find fun.

“Really?” Nat was beaming at the fact that Wanda liked her idea and genuinely hoped you would have a great time.

“Ye- yea, I mean, it’s just a week and she’s going to have to get used to spending time without us.” Wanda went on to explain.

Natasha's heart skipped a beat. Us. She knew what Wanda meant by it and even though she recognized it wasn’t anything that she should read into, Nat couldn't help but analyze it. Such a simple phrase, but it had the prospect to hold so much meaning. Wanda had included her in her vision of your future, as a unit, as us. In reality, Wanda knew Natasha would always be there for you, but Natasha couldn’t help but feel a wave of warmth and happiness wash over her at the thought of it meaning something more, causing her cheeks to flush and a smile to form on her face.

When Wanda and Nat told you about the camp, you were initially really excited, until you found out that you’d have to go alone. Sure, they would drop you off, but then they would leave, and then, who would protect you if something went wrong? Who would be there to hold you when you got nervous around the crowd of unfamiliar faces?

“Mama?” you broke the silence as you sat snuggled into her side on the couch of the common room, enveloped in mostly darkness except for the soft glow from the television.

“Yes, detka?” she glanced down at you as your head tilted up to meet your eyes with hers.

“Do I have to go to da sciewence schoowl?” you asked softly, just barely above a whisper, not wanting to make trouble but you couldn’t get the fact that you would have to go alone out of your mind.

Wanda immediately shifted her full attention to you in an attempt to create a safe and open space for you to express your worries, “I thought you were excited?”

“Well, I am- I was, but, I don't want to go wiffout you or Natty.” you admitted as you translated your fears from thoughts into words.

"I see, I understand that you're feeling nervous about going without us, and that's completely okay, my love. It's natural to feel a little anxious when we step out of our comfort zone," she said as she gently rubbed your arm in soothing motions. She wanted to help you work through these feelings instead of blocking off new opportunities due to fear. In the end, she wouldn’t force you to go, but she would do everything she could to get you open to the experience.

“You know, even adults get feelings like these when they're about to try something new or go to unfamiliar places. I remember when I first joined the Avengers, I felt a mix of excitement and nerves. But you know what?”

“What?”

“It turned out to be an incredible journey filled with wonderful people and unforgettable adventures. I got to meet my two favorite people in the whole world"

“Me?” your expression shifted from nervous to curious, as you wondered where Wanda was going with this.

“Yes you, and Nat,” she says unable to mask the smile that forms near automatically from the mention of her best friend.

“What if, der is no one der for me?” you wonder

"You will have so many other kids there that are your age that you can make friends with, malysh"

“What if dey don’t wike me?” You were genuinely worried about meeting other kids your age. You’ve only ever been around adults and you weren’t quite sure what to expect. Would they all already know each other? Would there be a certain way you were expected to act around them?

"What’s not to like? You have the kindest heart and the most beautiful spirit of anyone I know.” she was speaking from the heart as she genuinely believed what she told you. Wanda watched you go from this scared little girl who was being held captive in a Hydra base to a kid who gets excited to talk about the solar system and wildlife habitats with Peter. She watched you open up and accept these people, even the men on the team, into your life despite your wariness. She’s sure you are capable of anything you really put your mind to, “Making friends has one simple rule and if you follow it, it's practically foolproof, do you know what that is?”

You just shook your head in response, waiting for her to continue.

“Just be yourself. If you do that you'll attract real friends who appreciate you for who you are," she said as she tapped your chest, pointing to your heart.

“Be myself?” you wondered what it meant as you repeated the words on your own tongue. You don’t recall ever acting like someone else. “Who else would I be?”

Wanda couldn't help but chuckle at your innocence and how cute you were, “Some people try to change for others. They change their personalities, their opinions, and sometimes even their looks just to fit in with other people.”

“Oh. so, wike, pwetending?”

"Exactly! You are capable of so much more than you realize, my little one. Have faith in yourself."

You thought over her words as the show continued to play in front of you on the TV. You were so close to being on board with it, but you couldn’t get over the possibility of being stuck there without a way out. The way Wanda spoke so highly of you, gave you the confidence you needed to believe you could make friends, but what if everything really did go horribly wrong, would you be stuck there all day?

“Mama?” you continued the conversation after a few minutes of watching tv had passed.

“Hmm?”

“I want to go to da sciewence schoowl, but what if I need you when I der?”

Wanda thought about this for a moment, You're far too young to have a cell phone, but a communication line wouldn’t be such a bad thing for you. It could help calm your anxiety and in her line of work, anything could happen so it would make things safer.

“Well, if there is something really important, you can tell your teacher and she can get ahold of me,” Wanda explained. You didn’t seem too satisfied with that answer though as you gave a somber acknowledgment. What if you weren't able to get the teacher's attention, or the teacher just plain refused, the plan just didn't seem very solid.

Wanda could see that you weren’t content with her solution, “Or I can show you a trick,” she offered.

Your face perked up, immediately intrigued, your little hands clutching a stuffed toy tightly, gazed up at Wanda with wide-eyed wonder, “a trick?” you asked

“Close your eyes, my little one,” Wanda explained and you did as she instructed, “now, take a deep breath. Imagine a warm light surrounding us, enveloping us like a soft, protective blanket. or a big fluffy cloud”

As you sat with your eyes closed, a serene smile graced Wanda's face. She concentrated, allowing her own powers to flow through her, and extended her thoughts toward you. With a gentle touch of her mind, she created a bridge between your thoughts, a telepathic connection unique to you.

"Now, detka," Wanda whispered, "I want you to think of something you want to tell me, but without saying it out loud. Just focus on the feeling and the words in your mind."

Your brows furrowed and your face scrunched in concentration, your little face reflecting the effort of trying to convey your thoughts through this newfound connection. Wanda could feel your tiny mind reaching out tentatively, like a fragile thread stretching between the two of you.

With each passing moment, the connection grew stronger, and soon your eyes fluttered open, revealing a mixture of surprise and delight. "Mama, can you hear me?" your innocent voice echoed softly between your minds, blending with the quiet hum of the room.

Wanda's heart swelled with joy as she nodded, her eyes shimmering with pride. "Yes, dorogoy, I can hear you!" she exclaimed, "Our thoughts are connected now, and no matter where we are, we can talk to each other like this. Whenever you need me, I will be there for you,” she explained.

In that magical moment, your minds intertwined, You two shared a connection that transcended words. With telepathy, you could communicate your deepest thoughts, dreams, and feelings, strengthening the unbreakable bond between mother and child. Perhaps most importantly to you though, you were able to reach Wanda without the confines of distance.

As you sat there, immersed in your newfound ability, Wanda couldn't help but marvel at the wonder of it all. She knew that this telepathic connection would serve as a source of comfort and reassurance for you, a constant reminder that you were always connected, even when physically apart.

With that, you were content with the decision to attend the science camp. Not only that, but you were excited again. Instead of focusing on the parts that worried you, you were able to shift your focus onto all the exciting things you were bound to learn and discover. Your mind ran wild with outrageous theories, like discovering fossils or trying to figure out the speed of a flamingo by simply racing beside it.

The first day of camp approached rather quickly. In the days leading up, you would often use your new ability to have silent conversations with Wanda. Sometimes you would do it to practice and make sure that you still could when you needed to, and other times you did it to express feelings and emotions that you had trouble translating into words.

Wanda and Nat were both there to drop you off on your first day, you were less nervous than they expected you to be which they were grateful for. Now that you were able to contact Wanda you felt safe in exploring new experiences alone, and maybe that's because you never felt alone, because she would always be there for you if you needed.

The camp was divided into different age groups. The majority of the kids were 4th and 5th graders, but there was a small group of children your age. Wanda and Nat were grateful that you would have enough children to socialize with but not so many that it would seem overwhelming. Hopefully, with the smaller group, it would be easier to make friends.

In fact, you didn't even get to the classroom before you made your first friend, “Hi, I’m Matthew, what's your name?” you turned to the voice that spoke behind you, “Hi! I’m Y/N” you greeted. “Y/N! Dat’s a cool name! You wike space too? I wove space!” he mentioned as he noticed your shirt that showed a playful astronaut floating in space, holding a slice of pizza in one hand and giving a thumbs-up with the other reading Pizza Planet Explorer, “Wanna be fwreinds?” he asked.

You were caught off guard by how quickly he spoke and became distracted, but of course, you wanted to make friends and you already had something in common, “Yes, we can be fwreinds, I love space too. My favowite planet is Saturn” you enthusiastically replied.

“I wike Jupiter da most cuz it’s da biggest,” Matthew responded.

The two of you sat next to each other throughout the demonstrations and even shared a table at lunch. Wanda had packed you a container of yogurt, sliced strawberries and baby carrots, and some Mini turkey and cheese roll-ups which were basically just a turkey sandwich rolled into bite-sized pieces for easy eating. At the bottom of your lunch box, there was a note that read,

My Dearest Y/N,

I hope you're having a wonderful day at school! I am so incredibly proud of you. Remember, my little superhero, you have the power to do anything you set your mind to. Each day, you're growing stronger, smarter, and more amazing. I can't wait to hear all about your day when you come home. Keep shining bright, my sunshine.

With all my love,

Mama

You couldn’t help but smile as you attempted to read the note, you still weren’t really able to read but you were able to pick out keywords like love, smarter, amazing, and superhero, so you got the vibe and felt comforted by it, which is all Wanda had hoped for.

“What’s dat?” Matthew asked as he saw you set the note down next to your baby carrots. “Oh, my mama wrote me a note” you explained.

“Oh wow, she must really love you,” he stated as he wondered why he never received any notes with his meal.

“Yea, she does,” you said with a gleaming smile.

You managed to survive the entire day without contacting Wanda at all. She hoped it was a good sign as she and Nat headed to pick you up. They were made sure to be there 5 minutes before pick-up so that you wouldn’t have to wait, knowing you’d be excited to see them and tell them all about how it went.

As soon as the door opened for dismissal, you immediately found Wanda’s green eyes and ran full speed with your arms stretched out reaching for a hug. She enveloped tightly you as she lifted you off the ground for a long embrace. The two were happy to see that your face was filled with nothing but joy.

Wanda continued to carry you as the three of you headed toward the car. Wanda ducked into the driver's seat after getting you settled into your car-seat and Nat took the seat next to you in the back so that she could hear all about your day.

“Sooo, how was it? Tell us all about it!” Nat insisted.

“Was so fun! We learned bout uhm- OH! JUPITER HAS A RAINSTORM! And Mafwew said dat if we went to space, der wouldn’t be any noise.”

“Matthew?” Wanda asked as she caught glimpses of you speaking through her rear view mirror.

“Yea mama! My new fwiend! He wikes space tew!” you excitedly announced. You went on to tell them all about the things that you learned and how much fun you had with Matthew. Tomorrow couldn't come quick enough.

“Did they give you any homework?” Nat asked once you had finished.

“Oh yea, is in my bag” you answered as you showed Nat where it was in your bag. She read over the instructions and mentioned that you could do it right when you got home. The assignment wasn’t anything too difficult, but it sure was time-consuming.

The project was about energy and showing how much we consume every day. The worksheet was laid out so that all you had to fill in were blocks of color. You were given a piece to plug into your outlets and once you had the item mentioned plugged in, it would show an amount. Then you had to fill in the bubble that corresponded with the range on your outlet.

Nat and Wanda both helped you through this but you soon became bored and no longer wanted to do it. It was so repetitive and your toys were sitting right there just waiting to be played with. Eventually you got through it without making too much of a fuss and you could finally get on with what you wanted to do, except that didn't last long because before you knew it, Wanda was telling you it was bathtime.

“But mama, I just stawrted pwlayin” you said somberly.

Wanda wanted to give you more time to play but it was already getting late and you had to be up early tomorrow, “I know, I’m sorry baby, but it’s late and you need a bath before camp tomorrow.” Without a fight, you reluctantly followed hoping that tomorrow would be better.

When you arrived home from camp the next day, the same dreaded question was asked, “Do you have any homework today?” You remembered how long and grueling your homework was last night, and instead of showing them the papers that your teacher gave you, today, you simply shook your head. Of course, Nat, the trained super spy, noticed the hesitation in your response as the gears turned in your brain and saw right through you. Deciding that she would look in your bag herself once you all arrive at the compound.

You immediately ran to the common room to play with your toys. Natasha, in the kitchen with Wanda, investigated your bag as Wanda cleaned your lunch box. “No homework huh?” Nat muttered as she held up your papers for Wanda to see. They shared a knowing look as Nat mentioned she would talk to you while Wanda finished cleaning out your lunch.

Natasha entered the common room, a concerned expression on her face, holding your backpack in her hand. She had a feeling something was off when you claimed there was no homework. She sat down next to you, as you played with your toys.

"Hey, sweetheart," Natasha said gently, placing the bag on the coffee table. "I happened to find something interesting in your backpack. Do you want to explain why you said you didn't have any homework?"

Your eyes widened, realizing you had been caught in your little white lie. You fidgeted with your toys, avoiding Natasha's gaze. "I... I didn't want to do it. It- it takes SOO long, and den I don’t get to play." you admitted.

Natasha reached out and gently turned your face towards her, meeting your eyes. "Sweetheart, I understand that homework can sometimes feel dull, but it's important to be honest with us. We're here to help and support you, but we need to know what's going on."

Wanda entered the room once your bag was all cleaned. Sensing the tension, she knelt down beside Natasha and spoke in a reassuring tone. "Y/N, we want you to succeed in everything you do. And that includes being honest, even when it's hard. We're a family, and families trust and support each other."

A family.

Natasha noticed the term and felt elated that she was included in the phrase. The three of you were a family. It didn’t matter whether Wanda and Nat were best friends, or something more than that; the three of you were family. You felt their endless love, even if they hadn’t figured out that part of that love lay within each other.

Your lower lip quivered, realizing the weight of your actions. "I'm sorry, Natty. I didn't mean to lie."

Natasha's expression softened, and she pulled you into a comforting hug. "It's okay, sweetheart. We all make mistakes, and the important thing is to learn from them. Let's work on being honest with each other, alright?"

Wanda joined the hug, enveloping you both in her warm embrace. "We love you, Y/N, no matter what. And we're here to help you with your homework too. It doesn't have to be boring. We can find fun and creative ways to learn together."

You sniffled, feeling a mix of relief and remorse. They were right. Lying wasn't the solution, and you knew deep down that they were always there to support her. You nodded, determined to make things right.

“It can be fun?” you wondered how they planned to turn such a mundane task into something, fun.

“We can turn it into a special challenge!" Nat chimed in

You looked up, curious about the proposal. "A challenge?"

Wanda chimed back in, joining the conversation. "That's right, sweetheart! We'll create a reward system for each task you complete. Once you finish your homework, we can all have a movie night or make your favorite dessert together."

Your eyes lit up with excitement. "Really? We can have a movie night?"

Natasha nodded. "Absolutely! But first, we need to get those homework assignments done. Let's break it down into smaller tasks, so it feels less overwhelming. We'll be right here with you, cheering you on."

Wanda took your hand and sat beside you at the table. Nat and Wanda each took turns reading different questions out for you.

With their gentle encouragement and the promise of a fun reward, you felt motivated. They both stayed by your side, offering guidance and praise as you worked through each task. They made the process enjoyable by adding some playful moments and even turning math problems into little games.

As you completed each question, you couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. With every finished task, you grew more confident and proud of yourself. By the time you completed your last assignment, you practically beamed with joy. Almost as if homework was just as fun as playtime with your toys.

Natasha and Wanda gathered around you, excitedly applauding your efforts. "Great job, Y/N! You did it!" Natasha exclaimed.

Wanda hugged you tightly. "We're so proud of you, sweetheart."

You grinned, feeling a sense of pride and happiness wash over you. With your two favorite people by your side, even homework could turn into an adventure filled with love and support; and as promised, you all enjoyed a delightful movie night, celebrating your achievements. You had shocked both Wanda and Nat with your choice of movie for the night, Planet 51, purely because it was something other than Frozen.

For the rest of the week, Natasha and Wanda made it a point to create a positive and engaging homework routine for you. They turned studying into a fun activity, incorporating games, rewards, and plenty of encouragement. You learned that honesty and open communication were far more rewarding than any short-lived escape from homework.

Together, you tackled assignments, explored new concepts, and celebrated each milestone. You discovered that learning could be an exciting journey, especially when shared with your favorite people.

A few days later, the aroma of a freshly cooked meal wafted through the air of the kitchen, tempting your taste buds and filling the room with mouthwatering scents as you sat patiently at the table. Once Wanda had begun serving up plates of food, you noticed that the meal was something that you had no interest in eating. Your once adventurous appetite had transformed into a discerning palate, making mealtime a challenge for your loving guardians, Natasha and Wanda.

"Come on, Y/N," Natasha coaxed, her voice gentle but firm. "You need to eat your vegetables. They'll make you strong like a superhero."

Your bottom lip jutted out, and you crossed her arms, proclaiming, "I don't like vegables, Natty!"

Wanda, with her patient demeanor, joined in, her voice filled with warmth. "But sweetheart, vegetables have magical powers! They can give you energy to run fast like-" Wanda abruptly cut her sentence short at the sudden realization that you had never met her brother. Pietro never had the chance to become an uncle before his life was tragically taken from her, him. She struggled to come up with a new comparison, as her mind was scrambling to revive her sentence. Nat immediately picked up on Wanda’s distress and quickly put a reassuring hand on Wanda’s shoulder as she took over, “They can make you strong like Mr. Bucky and Peter,” Nat concluded.

The presence of Nat’s hand on her shoulder quelled Wanda’s mind from running in circles trying to backpedal as she focused on the way it felt to have Nat soothingly move her hand from her shoulder to her back in a messy circular motion, subconsciously leaning into her ever so slightly.

You glanced skeptically at the colorful array of vegetables on your plate. "Really?"

Natasha nodded, a playful sparkle in her eyes. "Absolutely! And if you eat your vegetables, you might even develop some superpowers of your own."

You carried the skepticism into your look back to Nat, “I alweady hab powers!” You said as you called her out.

Nat’s eyes widened ever so slightly as she remembered that little detail but you didn’t catch the slight crack in her resolve. She was so used to treating you like a kid, like a normal kid, that she began to suppress the fact that you are in fact enhanced yourself, “New ones,” she responded as she covered up her slight oversight.

Wanda smiled as she watched the interaction, her voice filled with excitement. "Perhaps you'll develop the power to talk to animals or create beautiful flowers with just a wave of your hand."

Your imagination ignited, and you tentatively reached for a small piece of broccoli, eyeing it with newfound intrigue. Hesitantly taking a bite, to your surprise, a burst of flavor danced on your tongue.

"Yummy!," You exclaimed, a hint of both shock and amazement in your voice.

Natasha and Wanda exchanged triumphant glances, their plan unfolding successfully. They knew that sometimes a dash of imagination and a sprinkle of superhero magic were all it took to conquer a picky eater's heart.

Encouraged by your enthusiasm, Natasha and Wanda continued to weave tales of vegetable-powered adventures, turning each bite into a step closer to unlocking extraordinary powers. With every vegetable conquered, your confidence grew, and soon the plate was empty—a victorious battle won against the picky eater dilemma.

As you savored the last bite, you looked up at Natasha and Wanda, a bright smile lighting up your face. "I did it! I ate all my vegebles, just wike a real superhero!"

Natasha and Wanda shared a proud glance, their hearts brimming with joy. Together, they celebrated the triumph of a small victory, knowing that love, creativity, and a touch of superhero magic had transformed a picky eater into a courageous little hero.

Taglist: @mymommawanda@livslifeonline@reggierizzoli@mythixmagic@lesbicentism@marvelogic@katethewriter @inluvwithfictionalwomen @spooky-reader1 @marvelogic @kissforvoid

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ellewritesandrants · 1 year

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I don’t know why but the idea of a soulmate AU between Billy, Steve and Eddie captivates me, especially with the idea that Billy unknowingly gets Steve and Eddie to find out that they’re soulmates. Either in a modern AU where Billy’s a big fan of Corroded Coffin and Steve just managed to get a free ticket or something or in a canon AU where Billy and Steve are friends who want to smoke a little something so they buy from Eddie or Steve picks up the kids from Hellfire and one of them notices the marks match, I don’t really care how but I just want to explore the hurt and comfort of that.

Can you imagine Billy pining away, forever in love with the idea of his soulmate being the one who’ll save him from his situation given that’s what happened to his mom and he finds out that his crush is his soulmate but doesn’t want to tell him yet until he’s made something out of himself, until he’s deserving of love and all of a sudden, he finds out that his soulmate found his soulmate and it wasn’t Billy?

Imagine Steve happily dragging Eddie with him who already looks besotted with Steve and they show Billy the mark that he’s memorized from seeing it in the mirror thousands of times and as soon as he sees the smiles on their faces and the look of wonder in their eyes, he knows for a fact he can’t ruin their happiness. He isn’t selfish enough to do it even others would say he was and all he could do was pretend to be happy and smile at the happy couple.

Imagine Billy pulling away, either out of fear he’d inadvertently ruin their relationship or because he couldn’t stand being surrounded by what he couldn’t have and the kids weirdly enough noticing and trying to figure out what’s wrong. It doesn’t help that Neil’s always been bitter about soulmates and he loved rubbing it in Billy’s face how worthless everything regarding soulmates and soulmarks was. Billy used to be able to ignore it in the hopes of finding his soulmate but now, he knew the truth.

The kids come to a different conclusion, not realizing it was something regarding soulmates but instead, about Neil’s treatment of Billy. If canon, it would be El spying on Billy and seeing him being beaten into a pulp by his dad but in a modern AU, it would the aftermath wherein Max would ask Steve to come visit Billy and he drags Eddie along with him.

Either way, Steve and Eddie find out about the abuse that Billy’s been suffering through and the guilt that Steve felt was immeasurable for not seeing what his best friend was going through, too busy with being in love with his soulmate. With Hopper’s help, they get Neil behind bars but Billy’s a wreck and he needs people to take care of him.

Steve refused to leave Billy alone in the trailer while Max went to school and Susan went to work so he offered to have Billy move in with him and Eddie so they could take care of him. Since Steve only worked part-time and Eddie was in the same year as Billy and could drive them to and from school, it made a lot more sense than leaving him to his own devices.

Billy thinks he’s in a new level of hell as time goes by because getting to know Eddie and seeing everything he can’t have was absolutely painful and heartbreaking on another level. Being surrounded by their care and affection when he’s barely known it his entire life hurts on another level he can’t exactly describe but it’s a pain that hurts so good that he can’t exactly say no to it. His only saving grace is that his mark was casted over due to Neil’s last temper tantrum and there was no way that the boys would get to see it.

Months pass of Billy falling more and more in love with his soulmates who are already in love with each other and it hurts so good. Steve and Eddie never make him feel like an outsider the entire time he’s there but sometimes, his touch starvation reminds him of just how much he’d love to be squeezed in between them in any way possible.

Graduation comes and goes and Billy refused to let his father take his achievements away so he graduated valedictorian, dragging Eddie kicking and screaming past the finish line to graduate. Billy gets to make his speech, loudly supported by everyone and he makes sure to thank his newfound family for all of the support they’ve given him.

Of course, graduation wouldn’t be complete without a graduation party so they all get drunk and party in Steve’s house to celebrate six graduations especially Billy and Nancy who graduated valedictorian and salutatorian respectively. Both Jonathan and Nancy planned to go to the same college in Chicago while Robin and her girlfriend, Heather were heading to California soon. Billy had also gotten into the same college but he wasn’t sure about going because he’d be leaving so much behind, including his soulmates.

By now, Billy was in love with both of his soulmates and unbeknownst to him, they were both plently enamored with him and they’d been trying to build up the courage to ask him out. The party had been slightly delayed because Billy was getting his casts off about a week after graduation and they wanted to do shots, something that really wasn’t advisable with a cast.

Billy had planned to initially conceal his mark using makeup but a large part of him knew that it didn’t matter since Steve and Eddie were happy anyway so he didn’t bother. After all, both Steve and Eddie loved to show off their marks at every opportunity and no one gave a shit about Billy. Somehow, Billy had managed to keep his mark a secret from everyone but he knew Heather had some suspicions.

After some time, the drinking games start and somehow, Billy’s mark is revealed either in a dared striptease or by accident during a dare and it quickly sobers him up. He doesn’t notice at first but then Robin drunkenly pointed out that they had matching marks and the sober gaze of Eddie was too sharp for Billy to meet, instead choosing to run away, stumble to his car and hit the gas to the quarry.

It’s only there that he allows himself to breakdown and to mourn the end of what was a good friendship he had going on with his soulmates because he was sure they would want nothing to do with him now. He’s only just begun to run out of tears when he hears the telltale sound of Eddie’s van, meant to drive Nancy, Jonathan, Heather and Robin home later but was most likely currenly holding the last people Billy wanted to see.

For a moment, he considers running again but his Mama didn’t raise no coward, so he wipes his tears and stands his ground. Steve was a lot drunker than Billy was when Billy had left but it seemed he’d sobered up during the ride because he was clear-eyed when he was grabbing Billy and making sure that the blond wouldn’t run away.

Steve and Eddie trapped Billy in between them, in what seemed like a mockery of his fantasies only to have them play out right in front of him. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that his soulmates would tell him that they wanted him, that they loved him and wanted to take care of him and love him. Sure, it was after an argument about why Billy felt the need to hide but he had expected rejection or at the very least a mutual ignorance of his mark. He’d never considered it a possibility but the two were convinced to try and convince him to give them a chance.

After more than a few tears and attempts to get them to realize they were better off without Billy and his baggage, Steve and Eddie stubbornly managed to convince Billy to try with them. A few kisses convinced Billy to leave his car behind so that they could get it in the morning but for now, Steve and Eddie wanted him in Eddie’s van so they were sure he wouldn’t run.

The entire ride, Billy’s mind was trying to convince him that Steve and Eddie were better off without him, that he didn’t deserve this and that he was a fraud ruining a perfectly happy couple but Steve instinctively knew something was up and he’d had Billy laid across his lap with his hair being stroked to keep the bad thoughts away while Steve affirmed Billy of all of their feelings towards him.

Halfway through the ride home, Billy was asleep and Steve had no problem carrying the younger boy into their bed so that they could finally hold him the way they wanted to. Billy had long since told them of how lonely he felt in his room but as much as they had wanted to invite Billy to literally sleep with them, they hadn’t wanted to cross any boundaries.

Tonight though, all Steve and Eddie wanted to do was to fall asleep holding their newly found soulmate. Billy awoke to Steve’s warmth cocooning him and Eddie coming in to wake him with breakfast in bed. After a hearty meal, Steve and Eddie asked if they could court Billy to show him how serious they were about their feelings for him and Billy found that much like before, he couldn’t say no to his soulmates.

Months passed with Steve and Eddie constantly trying to prove their love of Billy who eventually concedes and moves in with them in the master bedroom. It isn’t long until having Billy in between Steve and Eddie is a norm and no longer a fantasy for Billy and he realizes just how much he didn’t let himself have when he hated himself. With Steve and Eddie’s love, they helped Billy realize he was always worthy of love, care and devotion and that they were ready to spend the rest of their lives together reminding him of that fact.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove au #billy deserved better #billy hargrove deserved better #ellewritesandrants #billy hargrove angst #metalsandwich #metal sandwich #harringroveson #steddilly #stilldie #harringrove #mungrove #some steddie but endgame is harringroveson #billy x eddie #billy x steve #steve harrington #eddie munson

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centrally-unplanned · 2 years

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Bocchi The Rock! is really hitting sweet spots for me on how it presents its main character’s core plot concept. Bocchi is essentially K-On! but if main girl Yui was too introverted to function instead of too stupid to function; which is a challenge to make interesting. The Yui of this show, Hitori, is a social train wreck who convinced herself learning guitar would substitute for having a personality and make her friends, with the expected 0% success rate. The plot follows her new desperate attempt to achieve friend-dom by joining a band. Which is a character concept that gives us some extremely relatable content:

Yet the show does still have the challenge of making a character who sucks at socializing be the main character of a Slice of Life show about socializing. Its a comedy, obviously, but still that can get repetitive fast, these character types are often side characters for a reason. Shows like WataMote keep it fresh by making main girl Tomoko a degenerate scumbag on top of a shut-in, its the *degeneracy* that powers the show; you want to have an angle on characters like these

Bocchi’s angle is both character & directorial. On the character side, what endears me to Hitori is how much she is halfway there on understanding social interaction. She might be a breathing pink stress ball but she isn’t clueless, she knows, kindof, what you need to do to make friends - her panic-attack levels of social anxiety just preclude it. So you get opening scenes like these, where she dresses full-musician to go to school to inspire musician-types to talk to her:

And it falls flat on her face because she has been there for months already and still refuses to initiate anything:

But that is what fashion is for! She did look good, in another context this would work (and does accidentally to trigger the ~plot later)

Or when learning about her new also-weirdo band mate Ryo, she goes from “yes friend!!”:

To, 5 seconds later on hearing that she spends her time visiting ruined buildings & second-hand clothing stores, “oh no, not like me at all”:

Which is actually pretty smart for 5 seconds of thought, Hitori groks that interests correlate with personality and people relate to being alone differently.

The point is that Hitori’s social failure is stacked on top of social insight, the humor derives from what she gets right vs wrong. Her *almost* getting it is more enjoyable, and more importantly way more likeable, than her just flailing. She holds the stupid ball for sure but you get why, she is trying to throw it away at least, which is endearing instead of frustrating.

More exceptional is how the show communicates her struggle; she can’t talk good right? So tons of her dialogue is internal dialogue - which you have to spice up somehow, static shots w/ voice narration is not very fun. Bocchi has a grand time playing one of anime’s trump cards of having fantastical brain-scape setpieces to communicate mood. That ‘she is a loner’ revelation ain’t settling for some sparkling pink-background; we have a full apocalypse to carry her aborted dream instead:

Communicating information hits the same struggle as emotion; this is a show about music after all, and another of anime’s strengths its presumption the audience actually is interested in the details of the niche hobby stuff the show is about. But Hitori-in-actuality couldn’t teach someone how to breathe let alone music tips, so instead we get random artistic cutaways to diagrams and explainers by imaginary instruments:

Which I love! Its expressive, you can shift the artstyle in a way that doesn’t clash, it lets the animators flex technique, and the information gets across without dragging down pacing (a lot of media, *unable* to do this, simply cuts the information out entirely, primarily to spite me).

And of course since all of this is happening inside Hitori’s head, she is, apparently, immensely creative - I love her now, teach me your ways my gumball princess! Her head would be a great place to be if you could lobotomize the anxiety somehow. All this means that Hitori, while awkward, is rarely cringe - partly because the directing always cuts away from any shots that would focus on cringe, but mainly because Hitori is too interesting to be cringe, you got other things to think about.

All in all Bocchi the Rock is my favourite silly-Slice-of-Life show of the season, and I hope it continues this level of playfulness going forward.

#bocchi the rock!#Ash seasonal anime thoughts

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majycka · 18 days

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Gojo Satoru, a sad case of “pookie peaked in high school” and what it tells us about the dangers of nostalgia

(chap 236 and 261 major manga spoilers ahead please be warned!!)

What exactly do I mean by “pookie peaked in high school”? In general definition, it’s someone who often recalls their glory days and achievements back in high school. Well, Gojo Satoru isn’t exactly the type to brag about his achievements in high school because he just generally brags about being “the strongest” all the time. Instead, I’ll be focusing more on the “recalling glory days” or the nostalgia aspect of this phrase because this is so apparent to how the few times we got to hear Gojo’s thoughts from the past chaps, and it is always longing Geto presence and Geto represents a lot of the youthful days Gojo had. Heck, even in his death, Gojo reverts back to his highschool self, preferring he’d stay in there because that goes to show he’s very much stuck up to his past and heavily longs for it.

Geto is one of Gojo’s biggest symbols of his youth because in that era of high school with him, Gojo gets to be much of a kid when ever since day one of his birth he was built up this perfected weapon of jujutsu. Gojo has someone even in his messed up thinking that only “strong people” will be able to understand him and luckily, he had a “strong person” he could connect with to “understand” the burdens of shouldering such responsibility. Gojo obviously feels nostalgic for his youth because it was that time in his life where he kinda remotely let it someone (aka a friend). I mean, sure, nostalgia is fine and dandy because Gojo was able to be a teacher with the aim for a better generation. However, there’s a crucial amount of nostalgia that makes someone at least in the healthy realm of thinking and use it to move forward with life. As for Gojo’s case, he is trapped by it.

He’s so stuck by it that it bleeds into his present goals as teacher and that’s his whole schtick with “raising a “stronger” generation that's gonna change the system.” It’s not entirely bad right? He seems like he’s using his past experience to try to change the future. He’s moving forward? He’s seen how badly the system messed up his best friend, so now he doesn't have any of that happening to the kids? But then his intentions are further put into test when he becomes Megumi’s mentor.

We can’t deny that Gojo is a pretty inattentive teacher except for the times he actually wants to be an attentive one (aka with Yuuji’s case). Megumi literally asked Gojo’s time if he wants to spar but it’s kinda understandable because Gojo the Strongest has a tight schedule being always on demand with his job.

He chooses kids with potential already and kinda leaves them on their own to figure out stuff. If we put him with a student like normal girl Miwa, there’s no doubt he’d say no to teaching her. Now, we’ll be focusing more on Megumi because this guy gets more time under Gojo’s mentorship. This sparring says a lot about their dynamic. To recap, Megumi asks Gojo how he can improve → baseball scene flashback → Gojo points out that he isn't selfish enough and it’s ok to be selfish. However, there’s one thing Gojo forgets about why Megumi, who despite having the gifts, isn’t really pulling his own weight to fulfil potential.

Gojo forgets Megumi’s not like him who delights in power. Megumi’s just some guy who got stuck working as a sorcerer cuz Gojo says that’s the only way he’ll be able to protect his sister. Gojo ain’t too wrong about the selfish part to be fair though, and he has a point. Megumi needs to think about himself too! Gojo kinda acknowledges the problem but doesn’t really dig into the root of it. It makes sense Megumi depends on his will to live with his sister especially when he grows up where the supposed “nurturing” adults in his life kinda just toss them aside and leaving Megumi to be unequipped with the perils of growing with just his sister around there for any semblance of being “nurtured.” Thus, overall, this trauma being unaddressed leaves Megumi walking around with repressed issues, and yes, that ridiculous meme of Megumi always pulling out Mahagora due to some inconvenience actually says alot about his self sacrificial issues and suicidal tendencies.

This issue with Gojo also kinda reflects his falling out with Geto. Gojo sees how the system messed up Geto with what happened to someone innocent like Amanai. Gojo, post star vessel plasma, continues to be himself and getting stronger while of course, Geto spirals down. Gojo was able to pick up signs of Spiralling Geto. However, at the same time, Gojo fails to understand why Geto spiralled so much because this guy is frustrated with the system he thinks is supposed to protect the weak(“non-sorcerers”) and yet those non sorcerers can also still kill someone innocent like Amanai. On top of that, fellow sorcerers also just keep on dying in the process to protect such people. Is there an ending to this madness? Again, Gojo acknowledges the cruelty of an innocent death due to spending time with Amanai, but he doesn’t dig deep into it especially how it affected Geto's psyche because Geto is someone who deeply feels/ connects with people the same way he was able to be friends with a big brat like high school Gojo.

Wait, so how does this entire thing again connect to nostalgia? Gojo’s whole past with Geto is filled with nostalgia that in some sense he kinda doesn’t stop to think and reflect about the bad parts about it like how Geto spiralled and how their friendship is tested. That’s the whole thing about nostalgia, how it gives us an idealized and romanticized version of the past. That nostalgia is Gojo being filled with a sense of comradery with Geto, someone as strong as him, he rarely experienced in his “it’s lonely to be the top” life. In some sense, it looks like Gojo just tryna recapture that nostalgic feeling/romanticized past with his whole “I will raise people stronger than me so they can change the system.” As if he’s whole solution to that fallout with Geto is that if maybe Geto’s only “stronger” maybe he could have power through his trauma and that whole spiralling thing never gets to happen.

SOURCE (for the sake of more accurate translation)

It’s like if his kids are raised strong, stronger than him, then they will push through ANYTHING and kick out the old grumpy higher ups with no problem. The highlight here is strength alone. However, as we see in Megumi (and even Yuta), he isn’t that case, and it ended up him being in a vulnerable position. Megumi was able to get back to his sister after some killing spree but still ends up getting his body snatched away from him due to failure to communicate with his sister, stemming from his unaddressed issues. Yuuji can only think of himself as a cog of the system, another child soldier they can use. Yuta, also one of the students that Gojo is seen to also mentor, ends up being HEAVILY affected, but I will dedicate another meta post about him because he’s the star of jjk 261 afterall.

I can’t really blame Gojo for this type of thinking because he was raised in a system where they refused to see these kids as individual humans with feelings and emotions but just weapons. Also, his whole trauma with the Toji fight made him build literally and figuratively walls towards people, and he pigeonholed himself deeper into that “The Strongest” position. Gojo then says a lot of “no one can take away their youth..” but then forgets that these kids are already put into the ringer because they are CHILD soldiers. It’s the same way he doesn’t understand about Geto, who despite being the strongest with him, can still lash out from his trauma. Like sure yes, Gojo probably meant despite living with this shitty system, he wants that there’s still a “speck” of youth in his kids. It’s like back when he was in high school again when being the strongest duo leaves them untouchable for a moment that they can throw around their weight and be still the kids they are, but then life has to happen and they have their falling out. It goes to show how nostalgia lenses are pretty heavy on Gojo’s eyes that especially now where we are seeing Geto panels when we get to hear his thoughts. He never gets to move on, and it’s dangerous because it self-destructs him.

It comes to the point that his students were literally offering to help him, asking him to open up that Gojo just immediately shuts them down because again, he’s stuck with the thinking that only Geto alone can be the Strongest with him, the only one who can bare the burden of being the strongest with him. Isn’t Gojo’s whole point to raise a whole generation who can become pillars of support with him? Then why, why are you still thinking of “catching up” to Geto?

All in all, It’s constantly one step forward and backward with Gojo’s case like yes okay you acknowledge the problem and you’re trying to learn from it, but his actions doesn’t echo in actively changing it, and you know what? It makes him such a real and compelling character! He uses his past experience as a learning experience but his nostalgia surrounding it kinda bars him from fully learning from it. He himself fails to think that he’s also raised a child soldier, and there’s trauma comes with being wielded as The strongest ever since a child, thus emotionally stunting him. This mindset now gets unintentionally passed to his student who just ends up repeating the cycle.

#gojo satoru #satoru gojo #suguru geto #geto suguru #fushiguro megumi #megumi fushiguro #jjk meta #jjk 261 #jjk 236 #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #this was so hard to articulate omg gojo why u so complicated #jjk manga spoilers #meta attempt

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harlowsbby · 1 year

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Enemies To Lovers To Strangers

You absolutely despised Jackman Thomas Harlow ever since that day back in preschool when he took the last cookie you had on your plate and ate it in front of you, his friends Urban and Sunni laughing and pointing at you. You hated Jackman with your entire wellbeing.

Ever since that day he’s been terrorizing you nonstop. He’d embarrass you any chance he got whether it be by tripping you in the hallways at school or tossing random food at you whenever you’d walk through the cafeteria. He was somehow always around and always making your life a living hell.

You knew Jack was capable of achieving some pretty harsh blows when it came to you he was really good at embarrassing you, but you never in a million years thought he’d hurt you once again.

————————————————————————

“So wait wait you want me to what? I just need to make sure I’m hearing this right.” You laughed and leaned back into your seat.

“We need you to help Jack here with his upcoming album.” Nemo smiled nervously as you looked between Jack and him and Neelam. You were honestly most certain you were day dreaming there was no way your high school bully was sitting across from you asking for your help.

Since you’ve graduated from high school you decided to skip college and just start working in producing and even though you were a low-key producer you were on the come up.

“I told you she was going to act like this I don’t even know why we bothered coming.” Neelam glared at Jack. “Because we need her please we need your help Y/N, you’re the only person I know that can deliver the beats we need.” You really didn’t feel like helping Jack at all but at the same time you needed the money.

You looked between the three of them the smug look that displayed on Jack’s face almost made you not want to do it but all you were thinking about was the money.

“Fine I’ll do it.” Neelam and Nemo cheered and handed you the NDA to sign. “Just sign your name here right next to the Red Cross.” Neelam pointed at the Red Cross. You signed your name quickly and went to get up.

“So I’ll text you or you text me either way works.” You told them and went to leave the door till Nemo stopped you. “Actually I was thinking you’d spend the day or two with Jack? I know the two of you have this on going beef and I feel like maybe squash it so there isn’t any weird energy when working on the album?”

Did God punish you or something? We’re you in the middle of a retrograde? How come you were being punished like this. “What do you say Y/N? You wanna spend the day with me, I know you don’t have anything going on.” He smirked.

You groaned and slouched your shoulders. “Fine we can spend the day together let’s just go.”

“Be nice Jack.” Neelam yelled after him. “I promise I’ll be nice.” He smiled and held the door open for you, you weren’t sure what you just signed yourself up for but you could only hope it’ll go by fast.

The two of you have been walking around for a few minutes you didn’t really have a destination at hand you kinda in a way prayed that you’d run into one of his friends and that he’d run off with them somewhere.

You could practically feel his eyes burning a hole into the side of your head.

“What do you want Jack? You know I can feel you looking at me.” You pressed the button in order to cross the street and looked up at Jack.

“It’s a crime to look at you now? Last time I checked I owned my eyes not you shorty.” You huffed and noticed it was time to cross the street.

“I know you wanna call me ugly or say something about my appearance so just say it and get it over with.”

“Wait hold on I wasn’t going to call you ugly or anything mean.” He grabbed ahold of your arm and pulled you back and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t send tingles down your spine.

“So what do you want really? Why are we even hanging out you hate me and I hate you so why are we pretending like we don’t.”

“Don’t what?” He smiled you groaned and pulled at your hair before stomping away, you could hear Jack’s laughter from a mile away. “Hold on will you.” You stopped walking and turned to face him with your arms crossed over your chest. You raised your eyebrows waiting for him to talk.

“Look.” He pulled you into the little shaded area. “I know you don’t want to be here with me just as much as I don’t want to be here with you.”

“You got that right.” You spoke under your breath. “But let’s just at least try and make the most of today? If you end up having a good time today you don’t have to see me tomorrow I’ll just see you again on Monday.” You thought about it for a few minutes the thought of possibly having to see him again tomorrow made you shiver.

“Fine but you’re paying for everything we do today since you’re the one with all the money.”

He laughed loudly and shook his head at you, something about the way he laughed and smiled had your stomach turning in knots there was no way you were developing feelings for Jack right? You were so lost in thought you didn’t hear him calling you. “Y/N?!” You jumped when you finally came to. “What?”

“I said you wanna get some ice cream? And see a movie after?” His blue eyes sparkled like the ocean under the summer sun. “That’s fine.” You softly spoke and followed after him. You weren’t sure how today was going to end but you prayed it ended good.

————————————————————————

“Wait he really did that? He’s still afraid of bugs?” Jack and You laughed as the two of you walked side by side. He shook his head and nodded. “I’m telling you Urban hasn’t changed at all.”

You felt like you were day dreaming simply based off the fact that you were actually having a good time with Jack. The two of you decided to put aside your differences for one day and just enjoy it. The two of you were walking around Louisville mall just window shopping and reminiscing on the past.

“So since you’ve became all famous what are some ‘normal’ things you miss doing.” You asked him he laughed at your question. “I really miss the aquarium.” You stopped walking and gave him a look as if he was stupid. “The aquarium out of all things?”

“I know it sounds stupid but it’s just so peaceful being able to just sit in the darkly lit room and watch all the fish float around, shits mad peaceful if we’re being honest sometimes I’d die to get some peace and quiet.” He expressed. “Being famous isn’t all what it’s cracked up to be Y/N.”

You were honestly a bit surprised you thought being famous was filled with fast car, endless money and endless happiness. “Really? Do you ever regret becoming famous.”

He licked his lips and stuck his hands in his pockets. “I wouldn’t say I regret it I just wish there wasn’t so much riding on me, I feel like a lot of people are waiting on my downfall a lot of them feel like I’m some one hit wonder.”

“I mean if it makes you feel better I don’t think you’re a one hit wonder you can actually…rap?” We’re you actually complementing him right now?

“Thank you?” He said in a confusing tone. “But what about you huh? Why are you so quiet I really wanna tickle your mind.” You didn’t really do much or have anything to hide really. “Honestly I’m just a naturally shy person I always have been.”

“You dating anybody?” He suddenly asked, you shook your head no. “No I’ve never had a boyfriend.” His eyes widened. “Wait you’ve never had a boyfriend like at all? Why not.” He found it hard to believe.

“Well for starters you use to always call me ugly so I started to believe it was true and I just push ever other guy away that’s tried to get to know me.” It was never really Jack’s intentions to pick on you in all honesty he liked you he just had a hard way of showing it, especially around his friends they would’ve teased him to death if they knew.

Jack thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world you had the cutest laugh and the way you’d lit up like a Christmas tree whenever you received a good grade in class made him smile as well, you weren’t like all those other girls you didn’t care about the glitz and glamor of things and that’s what made you stand out.

“I’m sorry Y/N I really am I never meant to hurt you or make you feel that way.” He scratched the back of his neck. “So why do it? I spent my entire life hating and trying to change myself just to get you to like me.” You blurted out.

“You like me?” He looked down at you a small smile evident on his face. “Shit did I say that out loud?” He laughed. “You did.” You groaned and rubbed your hands over your face. “It’s okay you know.. I like you too Y/L.”

You uncovered your face and looked at him. “Are you pranking me? Is this some sort of prank?” You looked around trying to spot or find any cameras. “It’s not a prank Y/N I like you for real.”

“Oh.” It was quiet for a few seconds the only sound coming from the gravel on the ground as you two walked. “If you don’t mind.. shit I mean how would you feel maybe if I took you on a date? Maybe tomorrow?”

“I think I’d like that Jack.” You shocked yourself even Jack was shocked by your answer. “So tomorrow it is?” He smiled softly and walked a bit closer to you both of your hands brushing against one another. “Sounds good Jack.”

The two of you spent the entire afternoon just two love birds in love, you spent hours picking out bath-bombs at the Lush store, Jack even let you use well his entire arm to try different samples of perfume, your day was wonderful but with your luck nothing this good ever lasted this long.

“What the fuck is he doing being seen with her?” Sunni shook his head at Jack and You as the two of you were petting someone’s dog.

“Shit hell if I know.” Urban added on. “You need to talk to your friend Urban because clearly he’s gone blind.” Urban rolled his eyes. “I can’t control what he does and besides what’s wrong with her?”

“Everything is wrong with her and Jack will be hearing about this shit.”

————————————————————————

Ever since that afternoon with Jack the two of you have been attached at the hip ever since there wasn’t a minute that went by when Jack wasn’t blowing up your phone or vise versa. You were just two young fools deeply in love.

The two of you spent after hours in the studio just goofing around and even messing around. A few pieces of clothing ending up on the floor from time to time but whose really counting.

Jack was going to busy at the studio all day today and you were going to be busy with work as well but you ended up getting out early so you decided to meet Jack at the studio and surprise him with tickets for the grand opening of the newest Aquarium that was opening up.

Since it was roughly just now noon you stopped by Morris Deli and got the two of you sandwiches along with chips before heading over to the studio.

You texted Jack letting him know you were on the way but you never got a response when you arrived your park your car next to Jack’s and made your way inside.

“What’s going on with you Y/N?” The security guard Carlos asked as you made your way inside, you smiled and waved at him. “Not much Carlos, is Jack inside?” “Yep he’s in studio 3 right there on your left.” You thanked him and knocked on the door but there was no answer.

Jiggling the door knob that’s when you noticed it was unlocked so you just let yourself in.

“That’s not what I’m saying Jack all we want to know is how much you’re messing around with her? I thought we didn’t like her.”

We’re they talking about you? You peaked around the corner and saw Jack sitting on the chair with his head in his hands and Sunni pacing around the room. “It’s not like that Sunni alright, Nemo and Neelam made me take her out to get to know her better for the project.” Jack tried defending himself.

“But it still isn’t adding up Jack the way the two of you laughed and brushed hands together or even the way you almost leaned in to kiss her, do you have feeling for Y/N?” Jack did have feelings for you but at the end of the day he cared what everyone thought of him.

“Because if you do that’s weird you know she rejected me back in High School, she isn’t shit and if you’re falling for her after she turned me down that’s fucked up.” You rolled your eyes at Sunni’s words. The only reason you turned him down was simply based off the fact that he was an asshole and still is one.

“No I don’t she doesn’t mean anything to me she never meant anything to me.” Lies they were all lies coming out of his mouth.

“I’m only with her for the album I have no feeling towards her, once the album is finished I’m good off her.”

You were so caught up in ease dropping that you didn’t hear the door opening. “Y/N? What are you doing hiding back here.” Neelam laughed and sure enough here came Sunni and Jack around the corner.

“I was just leaving is all.” You mumbled and turned to leave but Jack followed after he knew you had heard everything they said.

“Y/N.” You picked up your pace once you heard the sound of his voice. “Leave me alone Jack we have nothing to talk about.” You said sternly and gave a concerned Carlos a reassuring smile.

“Come on I didn’t mean anything I said back there and you should know this.” You paused and turned around making him come to a sudden halt, you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Should I know? Because clearly I don’t know shit, clearly I’m just.. I just don’t mean shit to you huh? You care so much what everyone else thinks about you Jack.” You cried out and pulled on your hair in frustration.

“No I don’t Y/N I really do love you and I wanna be with you.” You chuckled dryly and shook your head at him. “No you don’t I heard everything you told Sunni let’s just keep whatever we were going to have professional, you need beats done and I need money that’s it and that’s all.”

“Wait Y/N.” He went to protest. “No Jack you know I thought.. I thought you changed.” You looked at him with teary eyes.

“But turns out you’re still the same asshole I once knew. I thought you changed I hate you so much right now.” You cried out and wiped your fallen tears with the back of your hand.

“You don’t mean that.” He managed to croak out.

“But I do Jack, I hate you but most importantly I hate the way you made me fall in love with you.” Your bottom lip trembled and you burst into tears and ran out the studio. Jack stood there feeling sorry for himself he knew he just fucked a good thing up.

#jack harlow #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x y/n

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dragonotaku-justineverything · 3 months

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My goodbye to Rooster Teeth.

I know this isn’t exactly recent news anymore, but yeah. Rooster Teeth is closing. It hit me hard when I heard that. I’m not going to lie, I haven’t watched much of their content at all in the past 6-7 years. Not since I was just starting college back in like 2018/2019.

I was also late to the party in the first place. I didn’t start watching Rooster Teeth until like 2013-2015? I believe it was the Minecraft let’s plays with Achievement City or the Rage Quit Series that got me started. RWBY, one of my all time favorite shows, came later. And after that, it was the podcasts, and Red vs. Blue. I only got to about season 15 I think, but it was definitely awe inspiring.

But despite that, RT was a huge part of my teenage years. I would come home from school and just watch countless videos from them. Sometimes stuff all the way back to their first years of creating things.

Now, it's all kind of just... over. I kind of feel like I've known some of them for so long, it hurts hearing this happen to them. Geoff especially hurt me... I cried as soon as I heard him on their response video thing. That man put his life, mind, heart, body, and soul into that company and now it's just gone. That feels so wrong to me. I hope all the employees will find great ways to keep following their passions and express all the creativity that they have shown over the last two decades. I know that no company can really last forever, but that doesn't make this any easier.

Obviously, I don't know what's going to happen to their intellectual properties, but I hope they don't end, RWBY in particular. It's been such a long journey for its creators and fans, this just can't be the end. I really do hope that it's continued. If not by Kerry or its other current writers and animators, then someone else. I heard that dillongoo, a former animator from RWBY (who makes really cool animations on youtube too), was interested in possibly buying the rights to RWBY which would be fitting in my opinion. We will all just have to wait and see.

In the meantime, I went and downloaded as much RWBY content as I could find and also some RT Animated Adventures because I don’t know what’s going to happen when the official shutdown comes. If the website and youtube channel gets shut down too then I don't want those to be lost for good. I wish I could download a lot more to save it all, but I just don't have that kind of time or storage space

I don't know what will happen in a few months after they're officially shut down, but regardless...

ROOSTER TEETH!

Thank you for the 21 years of joy, sadness, laughs, tears, comfort, suspense, adventure, inspiration, and family you gave us.

I wish you all the absolute best in your futures!

#rooster teeth #rwby #red vs blue #rvb #original post #personal rant #personal #goodbye rooster teeth #thank you #sfw

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tokyo-tower-symbolism · 2 years

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A Deep Dive of the Claudine-Maya Revue in the Movie, or why you really ought to read the fine print before signing a contract in tomato juice

So the Revues in Revue Starlight are a lot.

There is just so much packed into a few minutes. The sets! The fighting! The music! There’s just so much going on that you can’t completely process everything going on at once. And it’s absolutely awesome. The Revues look so amazing and feel so epic.

And sure it’s a lot, but we still get what’s happening. We saw the build up to each Revue, and we mostly know what’s going on in each of their heads. After all, it’s not just the stage that matters in the revues, but also the emotions going into it. For some, they’re worried about their future as a stage girl, whether or not they’ll be good enough to one day achieve their dreams. And for others, they’re worried about what graduation will mean for their relationships with each other as they each go on their separate paths. And as much as they try to hide it, these anxieties boil over in their Revues, forcing them to confront their deepest insecurities in front of the very person they tried so hard to hide it from.

But they’re never alone in these cases, they have their partner. Admittedly this usually doesn’t help at first since the only thing worse than one person catastrophizing over their future is two people catastrophizing over their futures. But still, they all manage to figure it out in the end together.

But Maya and Claudine aren’t insecure about the future. Both of them know that they’ll get into their dream troupe and neither of them seem too bothered about the fact that the two of them will be going their separate ways after High School.

So unlike every other Revue so far, which has been desperate and came from a place of hurt, the Revue of Soul starts off so much more lighthearted. The vibes are completely different from everything that came before in the movie. It feels like Maya and Claudine have nothing left to say to each other, that they are doing this Revue just for fun, it’s like a game to them.

But obviously it’s not just that, the two of them mean so much to each other! They’re just acting otherwise because of their pride, and once the two of them decide to drop all pretenses, they can finally have a proper Revue, where they put everything on the line just to understand each other.

And to see how we got here, I’m going to try to lay out everything going on with Claudine and Maya in the Movie that got us here. This is a part of a series of Deep Dives I’m doing for each of the Movie’s Revues, and while you can read this one without reading the others, I may make some references to themes and ideas that I brought up in the earlier Deep Dives, but I’ll do my best to give context if that ever happens.

So first I wanna talk about Maya at the start of the Movie.

She’s applying to the New National Theater Troupe, regarded as the world’s greatest theater company. She wants to use it to face even greater challenges there and go to the greatest stage.

And unlike Mahiru or Futaba who doubt their chances of getting in, Maya has no such concerns.

Her teacher even warns Maya that the lessons will be strict at New National because even she is already assuming that Maya will be accepted.

It should be noted though, that when her teacher sees her plans, she mentions that this troupe was what she expected from Maya, which leads into Maya’s self image thing we see later in the actual Revue.

Of course, that’s not to say that Maya is only applying to New National because that’s what people expect her to do. She’s genuinely excited. She’s constantly bragging about how cool and awesome New National is in the common room and on the train ride to New National. Seriously, in the scene in Common Room, she’s reading a book about them because she’s so excited to be going there and wants to share what she learned with all her friends!

Honestly she’s such a dork.

Speaking of friends, Maya has them now! She isn’t nearly as isolated as she was at the start of the series, back when Claudine was the only one to reach out to her. Before there would usually be shots with some line or other kind of separation between her and the rest of her classmates in the frame, but Nana’s taken that role now, so Maya gets to be smack dab in the middle of conversation now instead of lurking at the edge. And later at the kick off party, you can even see Maya talking to some people who weren’t in the Starlight cast! I guess after losing the Top Star position to Hikari, she seemed less untouchable and more approachable? Though I’m only saying that because Maya isn’t really trying to make more friends by being nicer. In fact, Maya isn’t really acting any different from how she did in the show.

Like sure, she lost the audition because Hikari and Karen Starlighted more than her and Claudine, but it’s not like they really shook her worldview. She even says to Claudine that she hasn’t lost. She had absolutely no reason to change in the time between the show and the movie. The only thing that changed is that people don’t see her as the untouchable top star anymore, just their friend who’s a little more skilled than they are.

Actually that might be because of Karen and Hikari beating her now that I think about it. I mean in the Revue of Pride, Maya was almost insulted by Karen’s idea that she could shine together with Hikari. After all, Maya talked about how the top star had to stand alone and what she had to give up to be the top star, and it everytime it would cut to a shot of Claudine.

But after losing to them, maybe Maya softened up on this position. She realized she doesn’t need to stand apart from everyone else in order to shine, and that maybe she should reach out to others more, just like Karen and Hikari did to shine together. So that’s why she comforts Claudine after their loss, and that’s why she decides to get closer to everyone else after the auditions.

But while she’s not nearly as distant as before, there’s still a gulf separating her and her classmates. She’s still on a last name basis with most of them, and there are some visuals separating her from Futaba and Mahiru, like the metal bar separating them on the train, or how Mahiru and Futaba mimic the poster on their left while Maya mimics the poster to her right.

But for a more distinct moment of separation, take a look at when Kaoruko brought up the anniversary of the auditions. No one else knows what she’s talking about when she mentions the date, except for Maya, who coolly answers her. And while everyone is kinda shocked that Kaoruko would actually want to go through that again because last year's auditions are kinda a terrible system and everyone moved on, it’s important to note that they all did forget the date and are way more surprised than Maya that Kaoruko would even consider wanting to be the top star of those auditions.

Kaoruko claims that everyone’s indifference to the anniversary is actually because they all gave up on becoming the top star. And like obviously Kaoruko is just lashing out here, she admits it to Claudine later, but there’s a grain of truth in how no one was seriously thinking about being the top star anymore, or about their next stage before the Revue of Annihilation.

Except for Maya.

So now let’s take a look at Claudine.

Because of her performance in the 100th Starlight, Claudine was scouted by a Theatre du Flamme, a prestigious troupe in France that could rival New National in fame. It’s an honor and it’s her passion and she wants to put herself up to the challenge, all that stuff is that’s important, yes, but what I want to point out is that she isn’t going to New National with Maya! It’s not even her second choice! She has no plans to compete on the same stage as Maya after they graduate!

Earlier I said Maya didn’t change much from the show, but Claudine definitely has.

Claudine has this thing in the show where she’s cool, calm, and collected most of the time. She’s very wise, easy to get along with, and supportive of all her friends. Basically the perfect stage girl. However all of that goes out the window the moment Tendo Maya comes into the room. Literally the moment Maya enters her line of sight, she goes completely feral and will devote 100% of her energy on trying to beat Maya. And since she’s always in the same scenes as Maya, we see this mode like 90% of the time.

It’s hilarious and wonderful.

But this stops after their mutual loss to Karen and Hikari, when Maya takes a moment to let Claudine know that she respects her, that Maya also needs Claudine, and that Claudine doesn’t need to try so hard to get Maya to acknowledge her.

So basically during the first part of the movie, Claudine knows that she doesn’t need to work so hard to prove herself to Maya, so she can be her usual cool and collected self around Maya.

But despite that, the two of them don’t really talk. Even though the two of them affirmed that they need each other and they make each other soar higher, their only interaction before the Revue of Annihilation is on the Train to New National, when Claudine teases Maya because she overheard Claudine say her name while talking to Junna. This would never happen in the show when Claudine was always desperate for Maya’s attention, but now Maya is the one hanging onto Claudine’s words.

Instead, Claudine focuses her attention on everyone else, which is necessary since they have a lot of baggage.

Mahiru confides in Claudine about her uneasiness about her chances of getting into New National. Kaoruko admits that she’s the most useless of them all only when Claudine confronts her. Claudine is the one who pushes Junna to aim higher in her future plans. And Claudine is the one who recommended Futaba to try and audition for New National.

Anyways you may notice that Claudine doesn’t have a moment with Karen, Hikari, Maya, or Nana. That is for various valid reasons, like Hikari being in London, but from a meta perspective it’s because Claudine has lost to all of them in a Revue at some point. So basically, Claudine is giving advice to everyone as a top star, and she’d be unqualified if she tried to advise the other four.

Anyways I want to take a moment to talk about the differences between Claudine and Maya’s philosophy on the Top Star’s duty to her costars. Maya uses herself as an example of what a top star should be, and expects others to emulate her. Meanwhile, Claudine takes a much more direct approach with helping her friends become the top star.

We saw this in the show with how Claudine helped Futaba practice, while Maya instead advised Kaoruko on how the leader has a duty to be a goal to the follower. Or how when Maya beats Karen, she leaves Karen at the bottom and shines alone at the top. And this is juxtaposed with Claudine beating Futaba simultaneously, but Claudine actually holds out a hand to help Futaba up.

Actually Claudine really only helps Futaba in the show, now that I think about it…

Whatever, we can assume that this attitude would extend to any of her friends had they reached out and asked for help like Futaba.

And now I want to talk about the purpose of Maya and Claudine in the show.

So basically Maya is the perfect top star. She can dance, sing, and act better than everyone else there. Her first scene in the show literally had her claiming position zero uncontested. She is the person they all aspire to be in their pursuit to be a star. It sounds a bit dramatic, but that was her role in Revue Starlight. If Karen and Hikari wanted to topple the top star system, they’d have to defeat Maya, who represented everything both great and wrong about it.

Claudine meanwhile, is representative of the other part of the top star system, the ones who aren’t the top star. She competes with the Top Star, in hopes of taking the spotlight for herself. But despite that, only one person stands alone at the top, so when Claudine is passed over, she needs to take a supportive role and kill her ego in the actual play. And while this is some impressive compartmentalization on her end, Claudine still insists that she hasn’t lost, and continues to challenge Maya despite her many losses. Claudine is what Karen or Hikari would have to be if the other managed to be the top star. But despite that, Karen and Hikari don’t want to fight each other in the show. Hikari goes out of her way multiple times to keep Karen out of the Revues, and Karen wants to shine together with Hikari.

So Maya and Claudine are what Karen and Hikari need to overcome to make their own Starlight. Actually, Maya and Claudine are representative of the 99th Starlight too, the past that Nana tried to protect.

But for everyone else, Maya is the goal that they’re all striving for. She has that je ne sais quoi a star needs, but just seeing the end goal isn’t enough for the rest of them. They don’t get to see how she got there, so they themselves don’t know how to get there. It’s like looking at the answer for a physics question without knowing the formula. And that’s where Claudine comes in. She’s constantly competing with Maya, never letting setbacks keep her down for long. She’s constantly practicing and never satisfied, she doesn’t rest on her past glory. She’s the person closest to becoming like Tendo Maya, to becoming the Top Star.

If a stage girl wants to be like Tendo Maya, first they have to be like Saijo Claudine.

Anyways, that’s what it was like in the show. But if you take a look at Claudine’s advice in the movie, she tends to have a recurring piece of wisdom: That Maya ain’t shit actually.

It sounds a bit rude when I say it like that, but it’s actually supposed to be inspiring.

In the laundry room with Mahiru, Claudine tells her that everyone’s like freshmen, and that if she gets into New National, Mahiru will be too. But following that logic, Maya will also be a freshman, and in the same position as Mahiru, so Mahiru really shouldn’t be that worried, since she’ll be on the same level as Maya. And on the train, when Junna says that she doesn’t think she could measure up to Claudine or Maya right now, Claudine tells Junna that she can be just as good as Maya. And consider what Claudine told Futaba, “If it’s you, you’ll get in.” That’s basically what people said about Maya applying to New National.

And that means a lot considering not too long ago, Claudine thought Maya was just so good that she couldn’t lose to anyone! And when she did lose, Claudine blamed herself instead, because Tendo Maya can’t lose.

But now she’s helping her classmates who are feeling that same insecurity she felt last year, that she couldn’t compare to Maya, and she’s telling them that it’s actually just in their head. That they can be just as good as Maya so long as they don’t think of her as anything special, because otherwise they’d be limiting themselves to Maya’s shadow.

So unlike everyone else, Claudine and Maya are doing fine, more or less. Like yeah it’s a stressful period of transition for all of them as they plan for their futures after High School, but Claudine and Maya seem to have it mostly figured out. If anything, they’re the reliable ones who everyone else goes to for guidance.

So maybe that’s why the two of them take the lead in the Revue of Annihilation against Nana.

When everyone gets put in a surprise Revue with Nana, Claudine and Maya do not get blinded by the stage lights and are the first ones to get their bearings and attack her as she makes her way across the train. And it’s worth noting that they’re the only pair who’s in sync, but that doesn’t really mean much considering the only other pair on the same side is Futaba and Kaoruko, and they’re going through a rough patch. But then again everyone else is also going through a rough patch at this point, so my point stands.

That’s kinda why they’re doing this Revue.

This Revue is supposed to be a wake up call for all of them. Nana knows that they’ll all die as stage girls with their current half hearted conviction, but none of them can see it. They’ve all stagnated and got comfortable, and as a result are dying. So when they fight a stage girl who is actually motivated, they crumple. They’re no match for Nana as they are now.

In the show, Nana always wanted to protect them, and she still is trying to guide them during the Revue of Annihilation. She still has that same brilliance, but no one else has the same motivation they had during the show. Mahiru, Junna, and Futaba don’t even think they can get into New National, which is a far cry from the stage girls who once attempted to beat Tendo Maya and become the Top Star. They’re all scared of the future and gave up on becoming the top star, like Kaoruko accused earlier. And just like Kaoruko said before, she’s the most useless of them all when it comes to that.

And with every clasp she cuts, Nana makes them come to terms with that ugly truth they were ignoring.

But Claudine and Maya aren’t scared of the future. They’re confident they’ll make their dream troupes. Unlike Junna or Mahiru or Futaba, they were in the world of Theater even before High School, and they’re confident they’ll continue for the future too.

So that clarity is why the train leaves the darkened tunnel that Nana defeated everyone else in. And while the train goes through the city, Nana repeats her line from the start of the Revue, that the train will go to the next station without fail. But what about the stage? What about us?

In a literal sense, the next station for the Train is New National, but I’m pretty sure it’s a metaphor for the unstoppable marching on of time. After all, New National is going to be the next stage for a good chunk of them. So Nana’s essentially asking them whether they are prepared to move onto the future. And along with that, will the stage be in their future? Will they decide to live on stage?

But that took me a while to figure out. Like I had to sit down and think about what Nana was saying, and then pick up seemingly inconsequential lines by Mahiru and Claudine much later in the movie. Do you really think I understood that the first time I saw this movie? It’s way too cryptic. Literally how the fuck is anyone supposed to understand that in the middle of a Revue.

But Claudine gets me. She has no clue what’s going on either. She’s just like me for real.

But Maya isn’t a plebeian like me and Claudine. She’s the top star. Obviously she understands exactly what Nana means. This is Tendo Maya, after all. She has never not taken the stage seriously. From the moment she entered Seisho, she already knew what her future was going to be and unlike everyone else, she never had a big shock to shake that resolve.

She’s constantly giving 100% to be the ideal top star and won’t ever stop, so as long as the stage and audience will have her, she is already on stage. Both the stage and herself will be at the next station. She decided long ago to live on stage.

Despite Nana’s worries, Maya will never die as a stage girl.

And that’s the difference between Maya and the rest of her classmates. That’s why Maya is illuminated by moonlight, but everyone else gets cast in the shadows by the tunnel. Because Maya has no doubts that she wants to be a stage girl, she is the only one shining.

Anyways, Claudine continues to be the audience surrogate since she still has literally no clue what Maya and Nana are talking about, which is fair. In what world does any of this exchange make sense? I guess I explained it a little earlier, but literally how is someone supposed to understand this on their first watch? They are speaking complete nonsense. This sounds like a code that a spy agency would make their undercover agents in enemy territory say before handing them classified documents.

This feeling of alienation continues for Claudine as Maya and Nana approach each other in sync, while Claudine is still stuck in place. And despite her calling their names, the two of them continue in their little world without Claudine.

And this infuriates Claudine. After all, the only reason she’s been on her best behavior recently is because she reached an understanding with Maya that they were rivals who respected each other’s skills. And now Nana and Maya, but mostly Maya, are leaving her behind? That’s completely unacceptable.

So it reignites that competitive anger that Claudine had in the show, and she charges at Nana with that same drive to win that she had during the auditions. This is the energy that Claudine had when she was constantly chasing Maya in the show, when she gave it her all. But this means that Claudine hasn’t been giving it her all since the show ended. She’s stagnated as well, since she’s no longer forcing herself to improve, and instead resting on her laurels after getting Maya to acknowledge her. And that’s not enough to stay alive as a stage girl.

Plus, if the only reason she could reawaken her previous radiance was because she wanted to prove herself to Maya and Nana, but mostly Maya, and they’ll all be going their separate ways after High School, can you she really say she’s prepared for the future where she’ll be on her own? It’s not like the two of them will be able to compete like they did at Seisho when they’re halfway across the world from each other.

So while Nana has nothing to say to Maya, who doesn’t actually need her wake up call, she can tell Claudine that she’s being a bit too talkative. And that’s also why Nana can easily slice off Claudine’s button and move on to lock swords with Maya.

But as I said, Maya is already resolved to stand on stage, so Nana can’t actually beat her, so she doesn’t. So by defeating Claudine, Nana achieved everything she needed, so that’s why the cloak falling matches time with Nana reaching Position Zero.

And that’s it. Nana tries to act out a scene with Junna, but they’re all so dead as stage girls that none of them can continue the scene. Blood Tomato Juice rains down on them to add insult to injury, and they’re all so consumed in their own problems they don’t even realize it’s fake.

Except Maya of course, who is the only one with a complete view of the stage currently and can clearly see it’s just stage equipment. And she takes charge, telling them this fact.

But even though Nana has forced them to confront their own failings during this Revue, it will be up to them to work past it.

Which is where Seisho’s 101st Starlight Kick Off Party comes in!

The scene starts off with shots of all their other classmates having fun and it’s brightly lit, but then we cycle through the losers of the Revue, and they’re all alone and in the dark. It’s a visual metaphor.

We then get to Tendo Maya and unlike everyone else she’s not alone, since she’s talking with some other students, and she's actually in a well lit area! Nana didn’t give Maya anything to think about, she can just enjoy this party all carefree like the rest of their classmates.

Unlike Claudine, who is malding and watching Maya through the window and wondering why only Maya managed to not lose. At least, I’m guessing that’s what Claudine means since she never actually finished her question of “why is only she…”. But I’m probably not too far off since Claudine takes a look at her phone which has Nana’s question from earlier that only Maya could answer.

Anyways, I think it's interesting that Claudine gravitated towards the practice room, because that’s the same place she went after she first lost to Maya in the auditions.

Claudine took that loss pretty hard. She missed her morning classes and she kind of just lost all her confidence. And then after class, she tries to practice there, but keeps messing up. It’s only after aggressively dancing there with Futaba, who came to check up on her, that Claudine breaks out of that funk and regains her usual spark.

But the practice room is also where Claudine managed to understand Maya. In episode 4, when Maya and Claudine are practicing there, Claudine asks her why Maya’s participating in the auditions to become the top star when she’s already the top star anyways. That’s like a millionaire entering the lottery, it feels kinda pointless. But then Maya tells Claudine that she’s in the auditions because she wants to be the only top star and doesn’t want to see anyone else take what’s hers, which fits into my millionaire analogy pretty well. And at this moment, Claudine understands that Maya’s just really greedy, which does come into play later in their Revue.

So I’m wondering if Claudine is in this darkened room because it’s where she regained her confidence last time, or because it is where she managed to understand Maya, and wants to again.

Either that or she just spends a lot of time in the practice room, so a bunch of important moments happen here all the time since where else would they occur? She’s always there!

Anyways, back to the kick off party, the script is unfinished, just like their futures. So the director gets on stage and after rupturing everyone’s eardrums by screaming into a megaphone, she tells everyone that she’s scared. That this is going to be their final performance at Seisho and she doesn’t know what their next play will be like, if it will be better than everything they’ve done before. Just like the anxieties about the future that everyone has. But she doesn’t want to stop. She wants to do one last show with everyone.

And the scriptwriter apologizes for not being able to finish, but instead she gets an outpouring of support from her classmates, who love what she did so far and are willing to help her out.

This is just like the stage girls who are also scared of their future, but just like everyone else here, also have each other.

This moment is a turning point for the losers after the Revue of Annihilation.

Once they erect the Starlight Tower prop for the next Starlight play, Maya repeats her line from the train, that she is already on stage, only this time instead of saying I, she says we. None of them would lose to Nana on the train again at this point. They’ve learned their lesson. They’re got renewed determination to live on as stage girls, and even if they’re not there yet, there is someone out there who can help them on their journey.

Nana tells them that the time for snacks is over, and the stage girls need to hunger for a new stage, because that’s what a stage girl is, and asks if that’s true for all of them. She’s putting into words the implicit question she had on the train.

Do they want to continue being stage girls in the future? Well, stage women I guess after they reach a certain age, but then again stage girl is a state of mind so whatever.

And Claudine answers that she’s already on the stage, the same answer Maya gave before, so yeah, she does.

She also finds the answer to her question earlier in the practice room for “why only she…” since Claudine says “So that’s why only she...” while watching Maya perform.

Wish she’d share the answer with the rest of the class though. Or even the question. Seriously.

Anyways, they get back on the train and face their dead stage girl selves. We can tell they’re dead because they have no cloak and are lying motionless on the floor, but also because we quite literally see a dead stage girl later, when Karen refuses to act because she has nothing after Starlight and ends up in a similar state.

These are stage girls with no next stage, no future. And judging by the fact they aren’t wearing shoes, which is characteristic of suicide in Japan, this means these stage girls who chose to die. They didn’t decide to continue to live on stage.

While looking at her dead body, Claudine decides that she’ll get back on stage again. Despite her loss, she choosing to continue acting, just like when she first lost to Maya in the auditions. She’ll have to work hard to become her own ideal top star, but she’s going to do it, so she can’t give up here.

This isn't what Maya does. Unlike Claudine and everyone else, Maya doesn’t even consider looking at her self as a dead stage girl. Because Maya has known her entire life what she’s going to do, she has never considered stepping off of the stage. That’s why she doesn’t even bother to look at it, instead looking at the giraffe, the stand in for the audience, the stage, or whatever other concept it symbolizes that day.

Also it’s interesting that when Junna asks what they need to put an end to, Maya answers “to greed.” She also says “to brutality”, but the greed thing feels more impactful considering Claudine understood that Maya was just a greedy person back in episode 4. Anyways, Maya says they need to do that to continue acting on stage and to get to the next stage, which shows that even she isn’t ready to move onto the next stage, as she thinks she has to strip away some of her uglier emotions to get to her next stage.

Anyways, from the giraffe rolls a tomato that Maya picks up. Because he’s made of vegetables and other fruits now. And no one questions it.

Please someone question this.

They questioned the talking giraffe so much in the show, but literally no one has anything to say about this.

As the giraffe says, he is their food, their fuel. This ties into the original auditions from the show, but there the fuel was each other and it was used to get the top star to their stage of destiny. But in the upcoming Revues, they aren’t fighting to be the top star. They are fighting because as stage girls, they need to hunger for a new stage, like Nana said.

So by eating the tomato that comes from the giraffe, they are choosing to continue being a stage girl. And by repeating Maya’s answer, that they are already on stage, they have grown past the versions of themselves that lost to Nana.

And then we get three whole Revues plus scenes of Karen’s past and Hikari’s journey before getting to the actual topic of this essay. I wouldn’t blame you for forgetting what’s going on with Maya and Claudine before we check back on them.

Although We see Claudine for a little bit, since she has a little cameo in the Revue of Resentment, which was nice. But like, why? Literally no one else ever takes part in anyone else’s Revue. What is she doing here?

I mean I guess it fits into her philosophy with her classmates, where she gets involved in everyone else’s business whether they like it or not. Although we never really got to see that in the show because Maya was on her mind like 95% of the time. Maya’s probably not on her mind right now though, since she’s smug once more, so clearly she got over whatever happened on the train and is confident again, just like at the start of the movie.

Also would you look at that? Some unattended, extra Star Buttons. I wonder if those will ever be used in the future?

But before we get to the Revue of Soul, I want to take a moment to reflect on how all the other ones started. Futaba burst into the scene while Kaoruko was challenging Claudine. Hikari ran into the stage looking for Karen but instead got Mahiru. And Junna was blindsided by Nana forcing her to commit seppuku. What I’m trying to say is that none of the Revues have started with both participants on the same page. And once they do meet up, they immediately start performing because they can’t contain themselves any longer.

Which is why it’s a shock when we get to Maya and Claudine, who are backstage and playing a kids game of Shoji before their revue. They’ve quite literally hung their cloaks up and are just vibing before the show.

And in a reversal of their usual positions, Claudine beats Maya. Maya hasn’t even won once, but she insists that next time she will, just like what Claudine usually says.

Anyways, the lighthearted conversation they have about Maya sucking at Shoji segues into Claudine monologuing about her own failings as a stage girl. Like Maya, Claudine also decided the stage was going to be her way of life long ago. But if that were true, then Claudine shouldn’t have lost to Nana, she should have stayed undefeated like Maya.

But she was so focused on her stage with Maya that she didn’t consider the next stage. And once Maya acknowledged her, Claudine got satisfied with just that, and as a result lost that drive that made her an amazing stage girl in the show, and started decaying because of that. After all, if Claudine was so easily satisfied, she would never be able to grow as a stage girl in the future.

So that’s why Claudine wants to put an end to it with Maya here.

Claudine will be reborn. She will no longer chase Maya. She will find her next stage on her own.

And Maya’s shocked by this. She likes it when Claudine chases her. But Maya knows that she needs to get rid of her own greed if she wants to continue to the next stage, and Claudine needs to do this to get to her own next stage, as unfortunate for Maya that may be.

So despite her probably mixed feelings, she welcomes Claudine to the stage, seeing as they’ve both resolved to continue being stage girls, and that’s what the top star ought to do, right? Inspire everyone else so that they too can one day make it to her level, and Claudine did exactly that.

But that kind of leaves the issue of what Maya and Claudine are doing here.

After all, Claudine just got to the conclusion that it took most of them a Revue to get to. Kaoruko and Futaba, Hikari and Mahiru, Junna and Nana, each of them ended their Revues by cheering each other on as they went their separate ways. And Maya and Claudine just went through that emotional rollercoaster entirely backstage and off screen.

When they perform, the stage girls put everything out on stage. It’s a moment of complete honesty where they reveal all their insecurities and hidden feelings that they avoid in their daily lives. Sure the movie complicates this by adding portions where the stage girls play different characters, but in the end there's nothing but them left.

And it's because of this that they can help each other get ready for the future. Only by laying out their issues could they even begin to ask for help. Kaoruko’s pain over Futaba leaving her, Futaba’s insecurities about her own ability compared to Kaoruko, Mahiru’s fear that she won’t act well, Hikari’s constant escaping from her costars, Junna’s lack of self confidence, and Nana’s longing for a Junna that no longer exists.

But it was because of the Revues that the other person could help support them. Kaoruko understood that Futaba would eventually come back, Futaba got to be the selfish one for once and ignore Kaoruko’s feelings, Mahiru received validation as Hikari’s rival and as an actress, Hikari stopped running away and could properly face Karen, Junna found a new resolve, and Nana got to see Junna shine again.

So what’s the point of this upcoming Revue? Everyone else needed their revues so they could come to some conclusion about their future as a stage girl, but Claudine and Maya are good now. Like sure, Claudine lost in the Revue of Annihilation, yeah, but she figured out what she was doing wrong and corrected herself. And Maya never needed any help with her future as a stage girl in the first place.

Just like the animal shoji, this upcoming Revue is just a game for them. A way to pass time rather than anything personal. There’s no need for the vulnerability we saw before. And it’s all just so antithetical to every Revue we’ve seen so far.

Obviously that’s not going to be true for very long. It’s these two overdramatic losers we’re talking about after all.

So yeah, let’s get to the actual Revue now.

I know the Revues are all about acting, but this one is literally a play. Like when we hear the buzzer that starts the auditions, the curtain rises and it literally says Act I.

Not to mention, there’s an audience too! Everyone who finished their Revues is watching what’s going on.

And then we see our players, Maya and Claudine, or rather the stage person and the devil, because they are playing characters. Specifically characters from Faust, with Maya playing the eponymous Faust and Claudine playing Mephistopheles.

In the previous Revues, you could tell when a character is performing because they are wearing a costume instead of their Revue Outfit, and that’s true even here. Although they are wearing buttons that tie up their cloaks, their weapons are different from usual, and Claudine is speaking in a much lower register.

But while a good chunk of the current scene is superficial, it doesn’t mean it’s meaningless.

The frame next to Maya displays the golden bird from the Revue of Pride, the symbol of her dominance as a top star. In the Revue of Pride, Maya showed the difference between her and Karen, as no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t reach Maya’s level. Everything she did was futile as both the stage and Maya stopped Karen from getting any closer to the bird and the top.

Karen may have managed to win her previous Revues, but she still had a far way to go if she ever wanted to be the top star. And as Karen watched from the bottom of the stairs, you can hear Maya singing about how this is her pride.

That bird is the symbol of all her work to become a top star that no one else could reach.

Meanwhile the frame near Claudine contains the contract that will become very important later on, not that the first time viewer will notice that. But basically, that contract is Claudine’s promise to show Maya a brilliance that she’s never seen before, essentially that Claudine will beat Maya. Which if you think about it, is the exact same as her always saying that she hasn’t lost. She’ll win next time.

Essentially, that contract is the materialization of everything that kept her going as a stage girl despite her many, many losses to Maya.

And it’s no accident that these two meaningful props are framed similarly. Claudine and Maya act like this is just a game to them, but it’s really not. The two of them are too important to each other to let their final goodbye be so meaningless.

Plus, Picture frames will become an important motif as the Revue goes on, and actually you can see a ton of frames at the top of the stage before the light turns on for this Revue.

Anyways, similarly to her role in the gambling house from the Revue of Resentment, Claudine makes a bet with Maya: That if Claudine can show Maya a brilliance she has never seen before, Claudine can win Maya’s soul. And to show this, she steals the bird from Maya’s painting, which is basically a declaration of war when you consider what it meant in the Revue of Pride. But I guess here it’s Maya’s soul?

Undaunted, Maya accepts her offer and signs the contract in blood tomato juice with a T for Tendo, establishing the bet.

And I mentioned that whatever is in the frames is important to them, so I just think it’s a neat visual detail of how much the two of them affected each other by physically changing these symbols.

With the bet established, the stage responds to the two of them, changing the set and starting Act II of the play. It’s titled the Black Tragedy, or the Colorless Desire of the Stage Person. Black refers to Claudine, since her nickname Kuro means black in Japanese, and she’s gonna suffer a pretty big loss in a bit, or that she’s going to be the tragedy that awaits Maya later, I guess. And the Colorless Desire of the Stage Person hints at Maya’s ideal of a top star, as in one that’s empty.

Anyways, the two of them spar for a bit, but it’s not an actual Revue Fight. They are using different weapons from usual, since neither of them have the gem that shines with a stage girl’s passion. And if you listen to the song, you can hear Claudine and Maya refer to each other as Devil and Stage Person, meaning these are just lines in the play for their characters. Plus we see Claudine hide in the shadows using a bunch of demon cut outs as a distraction, which isn’t exactly how Saijo “How dare you look away from me in the Middle of a Revue” Claudine would usually fight.

But then again, seeing the misdirection she pulls off later in the Revue, maybe she has recently adopted a bit of trickery into her arsenal.

Again though, I want to stress that this is like a game to them. They’re saying cheers in French and talking about making a wager. They’re playing. They’re having fun in this Revue. They like competing against each other. Earlier I asked what’s the purpose of this Revue, and the reason is because they want to do a Revue with each other. And you know what? I’m enjoying it too.

Fuck it, I ship them, I’ve even written fanfiction of them. I like it when they’re happy together. Plus it’s a nice change of pace to not have to deal with any heavy emotions for a bit considering we just went through three very emotionally charged Revues and snippets of Karen’s really lonely backstory.

But neither Maya nor Claudine are content to let their final goodbye just be a play that anyone could perform.

As the battle draws to an end, three artworks in those recurring frames descend from the ceiling, and they depict the stage person Maya triumphant, the devil Claudine defeated, and a discarded star clasp.

And while Claudine and Maya ignore it, it might seem familiar to the viewer because the poses and the position of the paintings match the scene at the end of episode 2, where Maya beat Claudine in an audition.

This is because Maya, as the artist we see later, is asserting their history through the play. Despite the two acknowledging each other as equals, Claudine has still never beaten Maya, and they both know that. Maya has always been one step ahead of Claudine.

Back in the play, Claudine shouts at Maya to give her the soul and thrusts her sword forward, but only ends up skewering her hat with Maya nowhere to be seen. And the framing of the scene makes the hat cover the painting behind it with the button, as though Claudine had stabbed the button.

That’s because Claudine should have won here.

In the story of Faust, Mephistopheles does end up taking his soul. It’s a tragedy, so the main character loses. If they were properly acting this play out, Claudine would have won here. So had she been fighting anyone other than Tendo Maya, she would have cut her opponent’s clasp off here.

The show should have ended. You can hear canned applause from the audience, but Maya has disappeared, so something’s up.

We eventually find Maya in the audience, who is clapping along with the empty audience for a show well done.

And then Maya brings up Rivals.

Now, Faust and Mephistopheles are not rivals. Mephistopheles is so much more powerful than a mere human, he’s just lending Faust his powers so he can eventually drag him to hell. They are not equals. Meaning Maya isn’t acting anymore, she’s talking about herself and Claudine now. She’s finished with her performance.

Anyways that little laugh Maya did before saying rivals pissed Claudine off because she thinks Maya is mocking her, so she asks what’s so funny about that. Again, showing Claudine’s insecurity about actually being equal to Maya. We saw this on the train when she was out of the loop with Maya and Nana, and we see this again here, showing that maybe Claudine still craves Maya’s approval.

But the one hole in that theory is that Claudine is still acting here.

Although, there is a moment of genuine surprise in her own voice when she sees Maya, that doesn’t last for very long.

But even though they’re talking about themselves now, Claudine’s voice is still much lower than usual. Plus she’ll continue using the masculine pronoun for I (ore) that the devil uses instead of her usual feminine I (watashi).

By the way, don’t expect any more analysis of the actual Japanese wordings from me ever again. I don’t know the language at all and the very little I do know comes from Anime, so that’s like net negative knowledge actually.

Anyways, back from my tangent, Maya elaborates that Claudine has been doing a very good job at playing the role of a rival who chases after her, which pisses off Claudine even more because what the fuck does Maya mean role? It’s not a role, she is Maya’s rival.

And Maya doesn’t disagree. As we see later, she sees role and one's self as the same. She’s always performing, doing what’s expected of her as a top star. So in a weird way, Maya simultaneously thinks that Claudine is her rival and that Claudine did a very good job at playing the role of her rival. It’s confusing. And Maya tries to explain this, talking about the real role she must perform, the ultimate stage person.

Earlier I mentioned that Maya going to New National was expected of her, and here we hear the other expectations she’s been given, as a thoroughbred, because both of her parents are in theater, but also as a genius. But instead of feeling pressured, Maya embraced these titles.

That’s why her advice to Kaoruko back in episode 6 was that she ought to meet the lofty ideal that Futaba set for her. The sense of duty to always be the very best you can be. In fact, Maya wants to go beyond the expectation that everyone else set for her, aiming for an even more impossible goal that only she could achieve.

But that’s just Maya’s perspective. I’m sure it sounds very grand to her and us at this point, but I doubt Claudine would be very impressed by this goal. And this is all speculation on my end, but I want to rewind to what Maya’s said earlier, when Maya talks about how people called her a thoroughbred and a genius.

And like, Claudine knows that. That was the whole reason she approached Maya when they first met at the entrance exam, because Maya was called those exact same words. But Claudine was pretty famous too. She was called “genius child actor” and “future top star”. And she got ahead of herself because of that. And as Claudine says in episode 10, she was so lame because of that overinflated ego. But when Maya kept beating her, that brought her back down to earth and forced her to be reborn as someone humbler and harder working.

So basically, what I’m trying to say is that Claudine thinks what Maya is saying here is super cringy. It’s like seeing someone do something embarrassing, but then you remember when you did that exact same thing years ago.

It’s the worst.

So in order to end this living nightmare, Maya needs someone to bring her down to earth like she did for Claudine so long ago.

But not yet. Right now is a moment of triumph for Maya as she reveals the cool new bird that is her soul. It’s way cooler than the golden one that Claudine took before because it’s bigger and moves. Plus it’s a vessel for god, since it has no emotions or instincts and is thus completely empty, and therefore can portray every single lead and stage.

Except for tragedies apparently, since Maya refused to play Faust properly and let Claudine steal her soul, so I wouldn’t say she’s perfect yet.

And with this reveal, Maya changes out of her stage person outfit and puts on a white, feathered dress which resembles the large, feathery dress the Top Star Otokoyaku would wear at the curtain call of the Takarazuka Revue. Also the giant staircase is a reference to the Takarazuka Revue, but then again it’s Revue Starlight, so there are staircases everywhere and everything is a reference to the Takarazuka Revue.

If any of those terms were confusing to you, then you really ought to look it up on your own. I’ll do my best here, but literally everything here is second hand information, so take what I say with a grain of salt. So for starters, the Takarazuka Revue is the all-female Japanese Theater troupe that Revue Starlight both glorifies and critiques. Specifically their top star system. But if you’re a fan of this show, you’ll probably like the Takarazuka Revue as well, considering the similar themes and concepts. The franchise was literally inspired by it, after all. And while unfortunately I am completely unqualified to talk about it, there are some good youtube videos and blog posts about it if you’re interested.

Anyways, just understand that by dressing up as the Top Star here, Maya is playing the role of the ideal top star she will be in the future. And I do mean role, since this whole thing is just an act. Maya still doesn’t have her usual sword with the gem that reacts to the passion of a stage girl. Although in her current mindset, Maya really doesn’t see the difference between herself and the role, so I guess it’s fine?

Also I want to talk about how the scene with the staircase elevating Maya is eerily similar to that one shot from the Revue of Pride, showing how this widens the distance between Maya and Claudine, despite them being equally matched moments before. This is the difference between a stage girl at the next stage and a stage girl stuck in the past.

And at the top of the stage, Maya also says the lines that will become recurring in this Revue: “For Heroes, there are trials. For Saints, there are temptations. For me, there is a devil.”

So basically Maya is acknowledging that Claudine hasn’t stopped acting yet, and so she continues the play as well. But Maya has completely changed the play. It’s no longer a tragedy where a devil steals the protagonist’s soul, but a victory for the stage person by tricking the devil. And just like how heroes and saints overcome trials and temptations to achieve their fame, Maya will overcome Claudine to ascend to becoming the ultimate stage person, because Maya isn’t there yet. She knows that. Her giant bird is rough and unfinished, nothing like the smooth and golden soul Claudine stole at the beginning of the Revue.

The ultimate stage person is the next stage for Tendo Maya. Although it’s incomplete, it's where she wants to go, and beating Claudine so absolutely here might let her do it.

Act III is titled “Like an Awry Arrow Revealing the Imitation of God,” which feels fitting considering that whole god complex thing Maya has going on and Claudine using some Junna trademarked tactics in this fight to misdirect Maya by hiding in the dark.

Anyways, they fight for a bit, and the bird projects a light down onto them with the frame in the background, and you can still see the shadow of the bird looming in the background. Eventually we see what’s going on through the frame and its various plays where Maya plays the Hero and Claudine plays the villain.

And while Claudine manages to keep up with Maya, it still ends with Claudine losing.

It doesn’t really mean much considering Claudine is just playing along with Maya though. You can hear it in the song, when Claudine agrees that “For you, a Devil”, even though we know she’d actually want to sing “For you, a Rival,” like she does later in the Revue.

But right now, she’s playing her part as the designated loser, the second fiddle to the main character. Because in this version of the play, the ultimate stage person overcomes the devil by tricking him. Although she offered her soul, the stage person was empty, so the devil gets nothing. The Devil just couldn’t comprehend the Vessel of God.

And Claudine’s playing along with it. She’s even doing the exact same pose as the devil in Maya’s sketch from earlier, which is a little different from her pose in episode 2 in that Claudine is unarmed in the sketch and here, unlike in her earlier Revue where she never let go of her sword.

And that’s why the Devil loses when the Vessel of God shows the infinite multitudes of herself, and wow it is such a good looking scene. It’s just so smooth and don’t forget the character designs! They did not have to go this hard on a ten second clip, but they did, and I appreciate that.

So yeah, the Devil realizes he’s outmatched, a series of frames come at him from the empty vessel, and Maya cuts off the button as Claudine goes falling to the ground, along with the other empty works that Maya had discarded in the dark.

And Maya is disappointed.

She’s like, that’s it? And sure she’s never really celebrated winning before, but she was having so much fun just a few moments ago and now it’s over.

The reason Maya showed Claudine this vision of her future self was because she wanted Claudine to match her. Claudine has always been able to keep up with Maya, and Maya hoped that she could continue to do so as Maya went to her next stage, but it just didn’t work out.

But Maya will learn to live with it. After all, this Revue was supposed to be an end to them, so she’d have to go her separate ways with Claudine anyways, and who knows. Maybe Claudine will use this experience to grow on her own, and be even better the next time Maya sees her. A parting gift, basically.

But for now, it’s the end, and she’s on her own at the very top. So Maya claims position zero as she has so many times before.

But she can’t. The stage rejects her victory.

In a reversal of the scene where Maya was in the audience, now we have Maya confused and Claudine laughing, once again in the spotlight.

And it’s only at this point that Claudine stops acting. Her voice is back in her regular register and she talks like normal again.

Maya wonders what’s going on since she’s sure that she beat Claudine, and Claudine reveals she had a second button on her anyways, so the win didn’t matter.

She also reveals that the button was in her mouth the entire time, making me wonder how she managed to sing with that there.

And Maya gets mad at this. Actually mad.

As the top star, we rarely see Maya have an over the top reaction to anything, so this is kind of a first. She’s usually calm and collected and just goes along with everything. She didn’t even seem that down when she lost to Hikari and Karen.

But all despite that, we do actually see Maya getting angry exactly three times in Revue Starlight, and each time it’s kinda subtle.

The first time is in her Revue with Karen, when Karen thought she could challenge Maya for her position as Top Star without the proper resolve, and Maya beats Karen even harder than she was before for that insulting thought.

The second time is when Nana refuses to go all out in the auditions because she wants to be the Banana that everyone loves, and Maya is barely controlling herself when she tells Nana that she wouldn’t forgive her for that.

And the third time is in the Revue Starlight specials when Hikari plays Claire differently from how Maya would have done it, and instead of facing her frustrations with losing the top role, she criticizes Hikari’s performance. Although she isn’t very subtle about her by the end, and basically starts screaming once she realizes what she’s feeling and comes to terms with it. Plus she makes up with Hikari afterwards. But it’s really not great that Maya implies that it’s been so long since she was properly frustrated that she didn’t even recognize the emotion. In fact, Junna mentions she has never seen Maya that frustrated before, and gets genuinely surprised when Maya laughs. Although that may be because it seemed like Maya was laughing at Junna’s newest original quote. Maya has a really bad habit of laughing at the worst times, now that I think about it. Remember the thing from earlier with Claudine?

And while one of these is a lot pettier than the others, it is worth noting that everytime Maya got mad, it was because she thought her opponent wasn’t taking the stage seriously enough.

And right now Claudine just broke the laws of the stage.

And like sure, these Revues aren’t exactly following the same rules as the show. Mahiru cut Hikari’s button but continued Revue and Junna managed to go past Position Zero. Actually, now that I think about it, even in the show we had Karen getting up again after Hikari cut her clasp in the Revue of Astral Sins, so the laws of the stage are more suggestions at this point.

But Claudine and Maya aren’t them.

These two are the establishment. They are the embodiment of everything amazing and painful in the top star system. They are what Karen and Hikari needed to overcome in order to shine together in the show.

The two of them aren’t meant to subvert the Revues like this.

And technically Claudine didn't. After all, it’s not like Claudine’s a sore loser who won’t accept a loss. I mean she can be a sore loser who won’t accept a loss, but you know what I’m saying.

As Nana said, these aren’t auditions. They aren’t fighting over a single role that someone else can bestow upon them. This is for their own self satisfaction, and clearly Claudine isn’t satisfied with this ending.

Anyways, Claudine brings up the contract they signed where Claudine promised a brilliance that no one has ever seen in exchange for her soul, but the contract is discarded and in the dark, so you’d be forgiven for forgetting it. After all, it was just flavor text, right? That was part of the play, not this Revue between the two of them.

But without Maya’s knowledge, the two of them apparently agreed to change the final goal to the T on the contract instead of the normal position zero, so that’s the ending that this Revue has to honor.

It’s rather devilish of Claudine though, making a contract that tricks the signatory. There’s a reason you shouldn’t make a deal with the Devil, you won’t know the true cost until it’s too late.

And maybe Maya did forget it, but still, she showed her Vessel of God, the ultimate actress who could perform any lead. If anything, that should have been the never before seen brilliance. The Revue should be over. Maya should be satisfied.

But Maya isn’t an Empty Vessel of God. She’s human. That’s the advice that Claudine kept trying to tell everyone at the start of the movie. “Maya is just like them, don’t get intimidated.” And she’s not empty either. She’s full of Pride and Arrogance and Envy and Longing.

Pride and Arrogance is the name of the song that was performed in the Revue of Pride. Technically it’s a duet between her and Karen, but even then Maya completely dominated both the Revue and song, with Karen only getting like a couple lines in the beginning before getting drowned out and utterly defeated. It was the song where Maya sang about the difference between her and Karen, the difference that makes Maya a top star. Pride, the deadly sin, is the reason Maya is the top star. It’s how she got to where she was.

As for envy and longing, that was literally her motivation for the auditions. When Claudine asked Maya why she was in the auditions to become a top star when she was already a top star, her only reason for joining was because she didn’t want to see someone else become the top star. She is a jealous person and just the thought of that would make her go mad with envy. Again, one of the seven deadly sin pushed her to constantly compete to stay the Top Star and never rest on her laurels.

And like I said earlier, it was that conversation that got Claudine to realize that Maya was just super greedy. Another deadly sin. Can you really call someone like that an Empty Vessel of God?

So like Claudine says, Maya is just a greedy human.

Okay, so I know I sound a little pretentious by talking about sin and what it means, but that’s not my fault. Revue Starlight did it first. When Hikari traps herself in the eternal stage, she says it’s her punishment for her sin of trying to steal everyone’s brilliance. And then Karen responds that all of the stage girls sinned by aiming to be the top star as well. So by definition, it’s impossible to even be a stage girl without sinning.

Anyways I just thought that was a neat little aside, now let’s get back to watching Maya’s entire future fall apart right in front of her.

The Empty Vessel of God was just a goal for her, and Maya isn’t there yet. It’s the role she thinks she must perform. So Maya knows that Claudine is right when she says that Maya’s acting isn’t up to par for this role. Claudine is the one who’s been watching Maya the closest. She knows who Maya is, and Maya herself told Claudine half of these facts.

Before this Revue, backstage in the dressing room, Claudine said that she would to put an end to it with Maya and be reborn so she could stand on the next stage. But she’s taking that back now. Now she’ll be reborn to beat her rival into submission.

Claudine played along with whatever Maya was doing earlier, because that was part of the Revue. She wanted to act and perform on stage with Maya. But now that Claudine sees this warped worldview that Maya has for her future, she can’t just ignore that. She’d never forgive herself if she just let Maya ruin herself like this. And Claudine is nosy and always gives her opinion on what someone ought to do, like with Junna and Futaba at the start of the movie, even when it’s not asked for. Especially when it’s not asked for, in Kaoruko’s case.

She knows she has to get Maya down the right path to be a top star, and unlike Maya, Claudine doesn’t just expect others to be inspired by her and try to match her. She reaches out her hand and pulls them up along with her.

So Claudine chooses to be reborn just to beat Maya so thoroughly that it will bring her down to earth the same way Maya did for her back in the entrance exam. It’s what Maya needs.

And who cares about the next stage? It doesn’t matter right now. For Claudine, it’s only the two of them.

So Claudine kills herself and is reborn.

She reappears at the top of the stairs, out of the costume and in her usual Revue outfit, so we know for sure that she’s no longer acting. She also manages to make a mockery of Maya’s ideals by parodying Maya’s Revue Introduction for her own Revue Introduction. Actually, with the elevated starting position and the bird imagery in the background, even her entrance is a parody of Maya.

But despite that, she is unabashedly herself right now. She still states her ideals and goals for this upcoming Revue, to have her brilliance show Maya something she has never seen before. She made that introduction into her own. She has her regular weapon again and she stopped acting entirely. She physically destroys the Vessel of God, which is kind of unnecessary when you consider how thoroughly she disproved its existence earlier.

And if we take Claudine’s lyrics as fact, that right now, the stage belongs to her, then that means Claudine being herself managed to shine brighter than Maya being the perfect lead, proving Maya’s whole plan for her next stage to be completely and utterly useless.

So after such a thorough rebuttal, Maya has no reason to play the role of the perfect top star anymore, and as such also disappears, letting her costume and her button fall, just like Claudine from earlier, so she too can be reborn.

Maya accepts Claudine’s challenge to beat her into submission, not that she thinks it’s going to happen, and reappears rising from the stage where they held their play, which is opposite to the stage with the giant staircase. And before she rises, the painting of the button from before falls, essentially balancing out Maya’s win from before by getting Claudine to drop one of Maya’s buttons. Well, sort of. Plus the pictures of her history of victories over Claudine disappear as well, so basically the two of them are restarting this Revue with a clean slate.

Now in the Revue of Pride, Maya descends on a swan during her Revue Introduction. In the Revue of Fate, Maya and Claudine appeared on top of Tokyo Tower before doing their Revue Introductions. This is because Maya has always been the favorite to win, the closest to reaching the top, but for the first time, she’s the underdog who has to rise to get to the stage. She has to meet Claudine’s challenge for once.

So just like Claudine, Maya also parodies Claudine’s usual introduction and ideals, while making it her own. She plans to show Claudine the difference between them once and for all, just like before, but now she’s not going to act as if she’s been enlightened. It’s pure arrogance at this point. And I guess to mirror Claudine stealing Maya’s imagery, Maya has those sun rays coming from her head which bring to mind King Louis IV, the Sun King of France. It’s a bit of a stretch, but I think it works. There’s also the Cold Sparklers on the stage since Claudine is kinda associated with fire, like the burning passion Claudine mentions in her Revue introduction. It feels like a stretch though.

But it’s kinda important that their Revue Introductions, the thing that is supposed to be all about the performer, is being used to mock each other. That Revue introduction is supposed to be everything they stand for, everything they want from this Revue, and like sure they still do that, but now their introductions are literally barbs and personal attacks on each other. They’re already fighting before the Revue even properly begins. Their only goal here is to fight each other, anything else is an afterthought.

And that includes their positions too! Neither Maya nor Claudine introduce themselves with their head or as 2nd rank here like they usually do. They’ve thrown all that out as well. Their past doesn't matter here. It’s just Maya and Claudine of the 99th class.

Honestly I love this berserker mindset that the two of them have going on for each other right now. Literally the only thing on their mind is beating each other. It’s so unhinged and I am loving it.

Anyways, once Maya appears from the ground, you can hear orchestral notes from Pride and Arrogance with each of her arm movements, signaling that Maya has given up on being that ideal empty vessel and is now performing like her usual self again. And now that Claudine and Maya have gotten rid of all pretenses, the title of the Revue shows up.

Their Revue has finally started.

The stage is reconstructed and merged, with the roses and crosses from the play mixing with the obelisks and the stairs from Maya’s Vessel of God set. It also marks the start of Act IV, “We, together.” And wow is that title fitting.

The music slows for a bit, with the only movement being the wind that blows through their clothes and hair. If that imagery sounds familiar, that’s because this is a callback to the Revue of Annihilation. Only instead of Maya and Claudine being out of sync again, now they charge at each other in time with the music.

Also I like the little detail of how they have to fall down from their platform and rise up again to meet each other in the middle. It feels symbolic.

Anyways, while locking swords, Claudine brings up how Maya dropped her facade and is her usual self again, and Maya takes offense to her glee because she kind of hates this usual self since it doesn’t fall in line with her image of the ideal top star, calling it emotional and ugly. But Claudine is kinda into it. She wants to see more. The audience wants to see more. After all, we don’t like Tendo Maya because she’s the perfect top star, I mean we do, but we also like her because she’s an overdramatic dork.

Although I’m guessing the audience Claudine is actually referring to is their friends who have been watching this entire thing, if you recall from earlier. And yeah, they like Maya too. They don’t want Maya to force herself to be someone she’s not. They want her to be herself around them.

Then again, Revue Starlight operates on Schrödinger's Fourth Wall, so who knows which one Claudine is actually talking about. Maybe she’s talking about the faceless masses that Maya has always been trying to impress. I literally could not tell you.

But you know what, Claudine especially likes this Maya, saying the desperate and emotional Maya is the cutest she’s ever been, since Maya usually represses these feelings.

The cute thing is a callback to when they lost against Karen and Hikari in the Revue of Fate, when Maya told Claudine that she was cute when she cried. Claudine was so invested in the stage and in their victory that she was overcome with emotion when they couldn’t make it, and Maya likes that. She likes Claudine when she gives her all to the stage. And now Maya sees that Claudine likes Maya when she does the same.

Either that or Maya meant that Claudine is cute no matter what she does, even if she isn’t measuring up to the unreasonable high expectations that Claudine set for herself to match Maya, which is why she doesn’t have to keep proving herself to Maya. But in that case, Maya also doesn’t need to try and be some unreachable lead for Claudine, she just needs to be Maya.

So Maya responds in the most Tendo Maya way ever by stating that she’s always cute, because she’s always given her all to the stage, but it’s still good to see her proudly reclaim that with pride and arrogance. And she’s no longer mad at getting exposed, just thrilled again to be able to perform with Claudine.

Anyways, while fighting, the two of them literally do nothing but sing about each other. They use their opponent’s name as puns in the song, they talk about how they only need to look at each other forever, you get the gist. But what’s interesting about this fight is that the stage isn’t responding to them. They maneuver around by swinging on ropes they cut off. The momentum of landing causes Maya to get thrown off her platform, and the smoke cloud that ensues when it falls blinds Claudine from one of Maya’s attacks. Their attacks kick up the ornately placed rose petals and send them everywhere, and the stage rising literally tosses them flying in the air.

The stage is literally breaking apart as they fight, which has never been an issue for them before. Only minutes before, Claudine got the stage to make devil cutouts that she could hide in and Maya got the frames to fall and attack Claudine. The stage responds to the passion of a stage girl, but right now it’s getting in the way because they don’t need the stage. They’ve gone past it even. They just need each other, they are their own stage at this point.

Anyways, while falling, Maya grabs onto Claudine’s cloak and complains about how if it wasn’t for her, Maya wouldn’t be exposed as a fraud. Remember, Maya’s philosophy as a top star is to be someone who inspires others to try and be like her. But that really doesn’t hold up if we see that Maya herself doesn’t even act like that, so there’s really no reason for anyone to try to emulate that in the first place. But if you look at her face, you can tell Maya doesn’t really mind. If anyone was going to expose her, she’s glad it was Claudine.

And Claudine grabs her cloak in return and agrees that only she could do this. After all, the two of them are special to each other.

They said as much in their Revue against Karen and Hikari, when the two of them took a break from fighting so they could stare longingly in each other's eyes and confess that they understand each other instinctually and only they can keep up with each other.

While falling, Maya resolves to expose her everything on stage, a complete 180 from her position only a few minutes ago, and Claudine tells her that she has a partner who she can expose everything to on the stage, namely herself. This is mirrored in the song, where Maya says basically the same thing and Claudine promises to accept it, be it ugly or beautiful. Oftentimes the song has the singer's true feelings, which can sometimes contradict the words that the person says on stage, but not this time. The two of them have resolved to be completely true to each other, and aren’t hiding their real thoughts out of shame or insecurities anymore.

And what are their true thoughts?

They want to cross swords forever. They love the stage and they can’t part from it. It makes them pathetic clowns in Maya’s eyes, but it’s fine for Claudine since they’ll have each other as Rivals as long as they stand on stage together.

And that’s great for both of them. Their competition makes each other better. They’ve always known that. Back in their dressing room, Claudine was worried she stagnated because she was satisfied with just being Maya’s equal. But now she sees that as long as she continues to compete with Maya, she can still grow as a stage girl without decaying or dying.

Actually, the only reason she was dying as a stage girl was because she thought she didn’t have anything to prove, but here’s someone who will constantly ask her to put her best self forward over and over again as they push each other higher and higher.

Actually, going back to when Maya comforted Claudine after their loss, Maya says the same thing she said in this Revue, that she can only go higher if Claudine is there. Meanwhile Claudine says that Maya makes her more beautiful, a direct contrast to how Maya claimed her emotional self was ugly before. In the song, when Maya talks about exposing herself, Claudine says it could be ugly or beautiful, but clearly she thinks that it will be beautiful in the end.

Also, you see that orange glow that’s starting to get brighter in that little window at the stage? That’s the start of the fire that will consume the set by the end of the Revue, and it only grows when Claudine mentions her beauty.

The two of them take a moment to call each other by their first names instead of their full names like they always do because they’re extra. This is probably a reference to “Ma Maya” and “Ma Claudine”, but I guess they thought the tenderness would feel a little out of place in this climactic showdown. Personally I think they’re wrong, but I’ll give them a pass because everything else has just been so perfect.

The two of them repeat the refrain from earlier, about how heroes have trials, saints have temptations, but they change the last line to “For me, there is you!” They’ve divorced the line from any roles, now it’s just them.

Although in the song, Claudine sings that “For each of us two, a rival”, not exactly cutting out the roles from before, but keep in mind Claudine always saw herself as a rival to Maya, it wasn’t just a role to her. But it also has a greater meaning in the larger scope of the movie, since Hikari and Karen eventually also become rivals and have this relationship, so it’s a bit more universal when Claudine says rivals instead of you. Then again the next line of the song is the two of them agreeing that their rival is each other, so it doesn’t really matter too much.

So basically, Claudine got Maya to admit that she should expose everything on stage and give up on being an empty vessel, as well as getting Maya to admit that Claudine was her rival. I mean we already knew that second thing, but still.

So by showing Maya a brilliance she had never seen before, that being the two of them pushing each other by being themselves, Claudine has completely outshone Maya’s ideal top star that could play any lead. She fulfilled the promise she made for Maya’s soul, so she can claim the Position Zero that the two of them set on that contract from before instead of bothering with the Position Zero given to them by the stage.

And Maya agrees. Once Claudine strikes the finishing blow, we see a frame around Claudine. Now earlier, when Maya had the frames, it displayed one of the infinite multitudes of herself that she could play in a production. But Claudine isn’t playing anyone. She is unashamedly herself, and Maya thinks she’s beautiful. Claudine is far more compelling that that empty top star that Maya tried to be.

Also, I want to bring up what the frames mean. The frames showcase the works they have made as stage girls, be it their plays, hard work, or promises. And Claudine couldn’t get here on her own. Her radiance is a direct result of their rivalry. So Claudine herself is one of Maya’s works, just like how Maya is a product of Claudine. They molded each other that deeply.

And immediately after saying that Claudine is beautiful, the stage gets set on fire, which is fine since it kept getting in their way anyways. The fire also melts away any traces of the giant mechanical bird.

✨Symbolism✨

Okay but actually the fire is a reference to what the giraffe told Hikari right before this Revue, of how he was the fuel to be set alight by the passion of stage girls. As he said, stage girls are dangerous, but it’s because of that danger that they are so beautiful, just like what Maya sees in Claudine. And that beauty/danger was so much that it burned down the stage, I guess. I don’t think that’ll hold up if you go to court for arson, but what do I know?

But actually, this burning down of the stage may have been foreshadowed long ago.

Back in episode 3, after beating Karen in the Revue of Pride, Maya tells her that there is only one star that shines at the top. But then it cuts to the aftermath of Claudine and Futaba’s revue, where Claudine helps her opponent up, and Maya trails off in the voice over, saying “However, the flames of her passion…”

Maya had firm ideals about what a top star should be, namely alone, but even at the start of the series, Maya knew that the flames of Claudine’s passion could overwhelm that. Admittedly it was Karen and Hikari who actually proved her wrong in episode 10, but Claudine is the one who actually changes Maya’s perspective on how she should be a star here.

And change she did. After her loss, you can actually see a couple tears in Maya’s eyes! Maya didn’t even do that when she and Claudine lost! And she clearly had strong feelings about losing, even if it was hard for her to understand at the time, at least that's what she said in the specials.

And even though she isn’t full on bawling Claudine did for her, she’s letting herself be more open, and that’s a start. She’s letting herself go through the emotions that the stage brings out in her.

Although there’s really not much of a stage left, considering everything got burnt down and destroyed.

Anyways, Claudine takes this as a moment to gloat about winning the bet, because yeah, she did. She’s been waiting for this moment for years now. That has to feel good.

But Maya pulls a page out of Claudine’s book and says she hasn’t lost yet, this was one of the rounds. That the two of them will continue to challenge each other over and over again for the rest of their days until their contest is over.

And that contest isn’t ending anytime soon, since as Claudine says, the Revue of Rivals doesn’t end for all eternity. Which is a big departure from what the two of them decided backstage, that they would put an end to it.

Although neither of them mind, considering they look pretty self satisfied laying on the ground.

Anyways, we get a shot of the two of them holding hands over the Position Zero on the contract they made, which is probably a call back to when Karen and Hikari were in basically the same position after their final Revue in the Show.

In that scene, there was nothing but the stage, their promise, and each other. And they made it work, despite all the bumps along the way. And just like them, Maya and Claudine also make a promise, to keep performing their Revue of Rivals that never ends. Sure they might be able to stand on the same stage anymore, considering their different troupes, but they’re still connected, just like Karen and Hikari were for all those years when Hikari was in London.

Funnily enough that’s not the only thing they steal from Karen and Hikari. Even the way they hold hands over their Position Zero is a reference! Normally, in the play Starlight, Claire holds out her hand, but grasps nothing but air because Flora was blinded and fell off the tower. But in Karen and Hikari’s rewritten Starlight, their promise is kept and Claire and Flora can hold onto each other (and the stars they were longing for) using the same odd grip that Maya and Claudine use to hold onto each other.

After seeing so many pairs of stage girls agree to meet again after they part, we are finally seeing a pair who agreed to part but still got to keep their promise to reach the stars together, a pair who will still be connected no matter the distance.

It’s kind of hopeful in a way for all the other pairs who separated actually. Maya and Claudine are at the final step of the journey each of them will be taking in the future, and we can see that they’ll be connected in spirit as rivals. So that means Futaba will eventually make her way back to Kaoruko after proving herself. Mahiru will continue loving the stage and her brilliant self, as well as be Hikari’s rival. Junna and Nana will meet each other on the same stage in due time. And neither Karen nor Hikari will lose themselves in the other in the end.

Anyways, they also say we are the flames that fall together while burning, which is probably a reference to the giraffe from earlier, since he was also falling and on fire. But when he did that, he talked about his role, which was to light the stage, which I guess could corroborate what I said earlier on how Maya and Claudine are a hopeful future for everyone else.

And yeah, that’s where we leave them. Sure, we get the shot of everyone tossing their capes off at the end, but this is where the two of them end their story together. Well, not actually, but you know what I mean. From here on we’re going to see them as individuals.

We see that Maya got into New National, along with Futaba and Mahiru. It’s also nice that Maya isn’t alone in her next stage, a reversal from all her talk about how a top star needs to stand alone from before, but then again she hasn’t been peddling that nonsense much in this movie. But all of them seem excited to invite Hikari to their next performance, so hopefully it’s all going well with them there.

And then we see Claudine, who it looks like is working at a coffee shop in Paris alongside acting at Theatre du Flamme, the troupe that scouted her. Anyways, she promises to visit Hikari next time, which I guess she can do by just crossing the English Channel. Plus she also has that little chick in her window, probably to remind her of Maya.

Honestly this one probably was my favorite Revue when I first watched the movie. I mean it actually had a kinda happy ending instead of a bittersweet one, so that definitely scored some points in my book.

But even now I just think it’s so good. Like I didn’t even realize that Maya had been repressing herself throughout the show. Like Maya literally said she would go mad with jealousy if she saw someone else be the top star, but she took that loss way better than Claudine. Obviously she wasn’t ok with that. And sure we see her actually lose her temper about it in one of the specials, but I’m going to guess a good chunk of viewers didn’t even know they exist. Seriously, watch the specials. We actually get to see Hikari bonding with her classmates, it’s beautiful. But this Revue feels it completed a character arc I didn’t even know was going on but makes total sense in hindsight! Plus seeing Claudine in non feral mode actually helped me understand her character in the show a lot more beyond her relationship with Maya. Somehow, everything in this movie feels like it was handcrafted just to make me appreciate the show more!

And it just feels like everything a Revue should be about. Like they always called it performing, but this is the first time we actually see a Revue as a play with actors. But then their personalities and struggles slowly start to bleed through the role until they’re showing their true selves on stage and are desperately trying to one up each other.

Don’t get me wrong, every single Revue did that in the movie. You can see everyone get more desperate and unhinged as the Revues get closer to the end, but it just feels the most drastic with these two since they go from 0 to 100 real fast, unlike everyone else who you can clearly tell are worrying about something from the very start.

So yeah, good Revue. Honestly I think I should get a rival myself now. I feel like I’m missing out here.

And now here’s some more thoughts I either didn’t think of earlier or just didn’t want to completely derail the deep dive for:

Maya on the train mirrors the man in the poster that talks about how to act.

This feels kind of on the nose since Maya is the only one who isn’t defeated by Nana, so the rest of the stage girls need to learn how to act from Maya, since she’s the only good example at that point. It’s also her philosophy as a Top Star, that she shows others how to act as a top star and hopes they try and act like she herself did, by giving their all on stage.

I also think it’s funny how perturbed Maya is here when Mahiru would rather take a look at Futaba’s phone about the play they’re gonna see rather than her very interesting infodump about how cool New National is. Like despite acting all cool and detached, Maya can not stand not having the attention be on her, just like Claudine.

So I was recently told that when Nana is fighting each of the stage girls, the lyrics actually reflect a failing of each of the specific stage girls. I kind of missed that last time, my bad, but I do know now so I can talk about it a little.

Anyways, while the train goes back into the tunnel, Nana addresses the beautiful mademoiselle, and asks if there is wildness inside of her. Now by context, it sounds like she’s addressing Maya, because Maya tries to hide all those kinds of feelings and wildness. But the word beautiful will only be used to describe Claudine in their upcoming Revue, and mademoiselle also feels like it’s referring to the French Claudine.

And in a way, Claudine was hiding her wildness as well. I’ve been referring to her drive to beat Maya as feral, and apparently Nana agrees. She hasn’t been going all out recently because she’s been satisfied, and she’s been keeping that wildness dormant.

Although then in the next line, Nana says that the ones who will survive to the end will be:, and Maya is the only one who does survive to the end. After all, Maya is the only one ready for Wi(l)d-Screen Baroque, which basically means the next stage, so maybe she was referring to both of them in that middle line?

Nana was kinda on the backfoot when Claudine and Maya worked together. Like don’t get me wrong, she was clearly dancing around them easily, but it’s still worth noticing that she would block their blades when they attacked her individually, just like everyone else, but had to dodge when they attacked together. And in the end, Nana defeated Claudine because she attacked her without Maya.

Okay so at the Seisho Kick Off Party, usually there is a line from the script that someone else says while one of the major characters in frame, and it’s usually thematically relevant to their upcoming Revue. Only for Claudine, she is the one reading it, and Maya does not have a line for herself. But technically, the line Claudine says is for Maya. After reading it, Claudine looks elsewhere from her script, and while it seems like Claudine is taking a look at the Starlight Tower that Class B just put up, we later see her watching Maya perform.

So yeah, this is Claudine subconsciously realizing that she needs to get Maya down from the tower, she needs to bring her to earth, make her no longer the top star, but just Tendo Maya.

Okay so in their game of animal shoji when Claudine checks Maya, Maya is more concerned about the chick. And then Claudine teases her for not actually playing the game properly, and Maya makes an excuse that she feels sorry for the chick, which is why she noticed that first. It’s dumb, but it’s actually true.

So when actually Claudine beats Maya, it’s using only chicks because Maya can’t bring herself to take any of them. Maya really does have a soft spot for the birds she’s associated with.

Anyways, I’m going to take this funny little scene and use it to gush about how this is a microcosm of their upcoming Revue.

So basically, Claudine is constantly adapting in her pursuit to surpass Maya. She’s taking in new information all the time, and using that specifically so she can beat Maya in the game. This ties into the whole being reborn thing as many times as she needs to to beat Maya. Funnily enough, Maya repeats that she’ll win both the next game and the next Revue after Claudine beats her at both.

But it also kinda shows that Claudine is a much better strategist than Maya, which leads me to the question, was all this planned?

Like we’ve established that Claudine probably knows Maya better than Maya herself at this point, so Claudine might have known what she had to do coming into this Revue, which was to beat Maya so badly she had to completely reconsider her philosophy as a stage girl. I know I made her decision to be reborn to beat Maya sound kind of spontaneous in the main essay, and I stand by that because we do see her genuinely surprised a couple of times, but there’s an argument to be made that Claudine planned this super far ahead.

Like, she got the second button during that gambling scene with Kaoruko, but what was she initially planning to do with that? She tricked Maya into signing a contract so that the Revue wouldn’t end even if Maya beat her once. She continues to play along and act as the devil even after Maya breaks character. So was what she said backstage, about being reborn by ending it here, also just misdirection to lull Maya into a false sense of security? A ploy to create a sense of urgency and get Maya to finally reveal her hand, the Empty Vessel of God, just so Claudine could utterly demolish the idea?

But like none of that is very Claudine behavior. She’s always been direct and straightforward, so it doesn’t really make sense. So maybe they were just contingency plans? I mean sure she wants to win, but she’s never been underhanded about it before.

So maybe? Maybe not? Who knows?

She’s a really good actress, and it doesn’t really change the end result.

I think it’s funny that Maya is displaying her amazing stage talent with a bunch of framed paintings when canonically she just sucks so much at art. She absolutely hates it. The Revue Starlight 4-koma has 3 jokes that it keeps repeating about Maya, and one of them is how terrible of an artist she is. Painting is on her dislike profile. But here she is acting like that weakness doesn’t exist, another sign that she’s forcing herself to be someone she’s not.

Junna had to fight for her life to avoid dying as a stage girl, and here we have Claudine doing the exact same thing Nana was trying to get Junna to do and being reborn instantaneously.

Junna is fuming in the audience for sure right now.

I am obsessed with their Revue introductions in this movie. I really wanted to go more in depth in the actual essay, but in order to not completely kill the pacing I’m moving it here so I can scream about it and no one can stop me.

Okay, so first off we get Claudine calling out Maya’s usual introduction with the shine of the moon and love of the star, because literally what the fuck does that mean. Like is Maya actually comparing her own brilliance to actual celestial bodies? They don’t actually mean anything. The thought is just as empty as that lead Maya was trying to portray. Anyways, she throws all that out in favor of her own light, the burning passion from her original intro, and promises to bash it into Maya’s heart, which is much more violent that Maya’s promise to send it. And then she takes Maya’s usual thing of showing her brilliance, but changes it to my brilliance will show you, because that’s the goal she set for this Revue.

Meanwhile, Maya kind of completely got rid of her earlier philosophy and is no longer trying to act like an otherworldly being. That’s why almost none of her new intro is like her old one, because none of that would fly with Claudine anymore. Instead she makes fun of Claudine’s bravado and pretentiousness. I mean seriously, talking about freedom and equality and love, who does she think she is, the French Revolution? She’s just as savage and pathetic as the rest of them. Instead, Maya details her own accomplishments, as the best and brightest, but in a much more narcissistic way than before. And while Claudine would have confidently stated that she was the star (in French), Maya makes it her own not only claiming to be the star, but mentioning the distance between them as no matter how high Claudine soars, it’s basically the abyss for Maya.

The disrespect! The incisiveness! The rage! They want to punch each other in the face soooo bad, I love it.

Okay but what the fuck is up with the roses? Was that supposed to be a Rose of Versailles reference? I legitimately have no idea, but it feels important considering there were roses in the background of Claudine being beautiful? I mean the only other things in that scene when Claudine beat Maya were themselves and the frames, so it feels important that the roses were there too. Is it really just for the aesthetic? I feel like I’m missing something here.

Also, can I just say we were robbed of never seeing Maya and Claudine have an actual Revue in the show. Like these were the two best performers in their class! I wanted to see what happened! It was probably amazing! Don’t get me wrong, them working together was awesome too, but I wanted more.

Although it is funny that apparently the two of them destroyed the stage even back then. Like this was not a one time thing. Literally every time they fight they cause complete and absolute destruction, and that’s amazing. Also probably a metaphor, but I don’t feel like thinking about that too hard right now.

And I know I’ve never really been that objective in these Deep Dives, but can I just say how happy I am that Claudine got her win against Maya here? Like she never really got her chance to shine in any Revues in the show, but you could see just how hard she worked and how badly she wanted to win, and she finally did it. And it was glorious. It was everything I ever wanted for the two of them.

This movie is just so good.

#revue starlight #claudine saijou #maya tendou #kuromaya #mayakuro #revstar #gekijouban shoujo kageki revue starlight #analyzing starlight

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