#but there's someone who transcribed them all on tumblr i think

[vidavalor]

Hmmm...I feel like I asked you this before,but why do you think Crowley doesn't like the 14th century??

I don't think you have actually, Rouge. Aww, the grumpy Crowley picture, my heart! I had missed him so. 😁 I can answer that, yeah, especially if you help me consume the holiday treats I'm lucky enough to have from some lovelies?

Why does Crowley hate the 14th century?

The short answer is also the only answer here and that's really just that the 14th century was, by all accounts, godawful. Especially if you lived in Europe, as Crowley and Aziraphale did then.

Yes, there is always hope and lovely people and somebody making art somewhere no matter what else is happening but heed this warning now: when we all start time-traveling, there will be these dirt cheap options to go to the 14th century and you should remember this post and definitely not do that. 😂

Here are some reasons why (and nowhere near all, as Tumblr only has so much space...):

Early in the century, The Great Famine of 1315-1317 hits Europe. Several years in a row of terrible weather ruins crops and, compounding the problem, a terrible disease rips through the cattle and sheep population at the same time as the crops fail, decimating the cattle and sheep population by an estimated 80%. Millions starve to death and millions more go half-mad from the lack of food, causing crime to also increase. The foundations of society start to shake as so many are sickly or dead that the ability to keep everything going begins to come close to collapsing. This is just the warm-up for the century...

This is already an era that is very hard to live in. We couldn't hack it then with our modern comforts and expectations. There's no indoor plumbing or heating or electricity. Medical and scientific knowledge was more limited so there were no vaccines and no understanding of germ theory. Diseases that we have eradicated today entirely or can treat and make no longer life-threatening would rip through populations in waves on the regular. Life expectancy was much shorter because of the inability to inoculate against viruses-- and, really, from a lack of understanding of germs and disease in the first place. No one understands enough about disease to even think about societal efforts to stop the spread because they don't yet know what a virus is.

These are the conditions when The Black Death-- bubonic plague-- shows up in 1346. It kills tens of millions. By the end of the 14th century, as a result of Black Death and wars, Europe's population has halved compared to what it was at the start of the century. Life expectancy was never great but now, with bubonic plague atop all of the other diseases already in existence, it becomes wild for someone to live past the age of 30. The average lifespan drops to 26 and families are having so many children because the diseases we've eradicated today through vaccines still exist and kill them in huge numbers, with 20-30% of all kids dying before they reach the age of 5.

In the midst of this? The average person was illiterate. Gutenberg's printing press wouldn't be invented until the 15th century and the ability to mass-produce written works with it is what helped it become the norm in Western societies for the average person to know how to read. Aziraphale and Crowley, in the 14th century, would have been able to get access to written works mostly by associating with priests and high-ranking members of royal courts, as these men were the main people who were able to read and write and were responsible for keeping records and transcribing materials.

There were still playwrights and artists and scientists and everything but the 14th century is also an age of rampant anti-intellectualism and all the insanity that comes with people being against knowledge and science and art. While there are always people making art and learning new things in every era, there's kind of a reason why when you think about great advancements in humanity, the 14th century is not really the time period of which you think. Technically, the Italian Renaissance began during the 14th century but basically every major work in it was made well after it and it's more like the foundations for it were put into place during this era-- probably by Crowley and Aziraphale having had enough lol.

It's an era of persecuting scientists, condemning art, being suspicious of people with knowledge in basically any field... there's a lot of calling people trying to do anything other than pray, starve or die sorcerers and witches and demonic and all that nonsense. There's hate everywhere, especially rampant antisemitism, with pogroms in the later part of the century where countless Jews were rounded up and murdered in the streets.

Atop all of this, Italy suffers an enormous earthquake that is also felt across parts of Europe that, when coupled with all the death and suffering, does what things like that have always done throughout history... increase the number of people who now think the End Times are upon them and usher in all sorts of extra doomsday-prep weirdness.

This is all egged on by the fact that societies across Europe are basically on the verge of collapse as a result of The Black Death killing so many people and everyone is grieving and afraid and on edge. It's also helpful to know that, in between all this famine and death? There's also wars on all over the planet. Basically every established country on Earth is at war with another one for the majority of the 14th century (to be fair, this is true of most of history) and the one happening in Crowley and Aziraphale's backyard of England was no picnic.

The Hundred Years War started in 1337. Historians consider its end date, uh... 1453. It was a war between England and France, who also had a whole civil war in there in the middle of it. There were some attempts at truces and some 'sorry, too many people are dying from the plague for us to keep trying to kill one another right now-- revisit this next year?' periods but the conflict continued for over a century. It was largely triggered by... what else?... the English king at the time-- Edward III-- trying to say that he should also be king of France. Surprisingly lol, no one in France was really into that idea... England and France both also see these massive revolts of working class people in response to the high taxes of the war, the limited resources, the plague, etc..

This is just a handful of the likely top reasons why the 14th century was not Crowley's favorite. I don't think Aziraphale was very fond of it, either. They're two curious, literate, food-loving, peaceful, warm-hearted people, and they would have spent that century drowning in the worst of the human experience.

I'm sure they think about all that misery sometimes when they're warm and comfortable without miracles and enjoying seeing greatly reduced child mortality and many people living past a century. They probably often think about it when they're eating food sourced from around the world that exists in plenty, especially in places like The Ritz, that would have been unimaginable for most during the 14th century.

[turnstileskyline]

RockSound June 3rd, 2024 – Dallon Weekes Interview (Transcript under the cut)

hello all!!!! i am still taking a little tumblr break (gonna upload and dip) but my copy of the rocksound idkhow issue came so i wanted to get these photographed and transcribed because i know i have shaky hands. (if you spot any mistakes let me know and i'll fix them asap!)

Taking Over The World (One Show At A Time)

As they close out their UK headline tour, IDHKOW's Dallon Weekes reflects on the lessons learned from taking 'Gloom Division' out on the road.

Words James Wilson-Taylor

Photos Corinne Cumming

Now that the UK tour has come to an end, how are you reflecting on this latest run of shows? Well the shows were fantastic. All of the crowds were great and it was really exciting to be back there after, you know, COVID and the album delays and everything. It's felt like it was forever since we've been back. But to be able to go back with this new lineup that I have, it was pretty special. Because I feel like the live show has grown a lot. Being able to add more live musicians to it, and rely less upon synth tracks and things like that. To have people up on stage actually doing it live, we're a little more untethered, which, must like that tour itself, was pretty chaotic. But we seem to thrive on chaos. So it worked out. It was really fun.

Did it click together quite quickly with the new band? What were the initial live rehearsals like? It was really fun for me. My heart goes out to the guys who are playing for me because they had this whole catalogue of music to learn before we hit the road, but they are such professionals and so talented too and most of them live here around Utah where I'm from. Anthony, my guitar player, still is in LA. But whenever shows come up, he flies out here so we get some proper full band rehearsals. But to be able to have really professional musicians dig into the songs and learn how to play them and have some input as well is really invaluable to me because I always really enjoy when a live show has tiny deviations from the recorded versions of the album that you might have in your collection. Sometimes bands can go a little too far from that and it can be fun sometimes. But it can also be a bummer, it kind of depends on the song, I guess. But I like having small moments or extended bits, or maybe an idea that you got post recording an album, when you're all jamming it together and someone does something cool. And you go, 'Dammit, I wish that was on the record'. So you just put it in the live show and it makes for a cool experience, I think.

With the added band members, it gives you a little extra freedom to step away from the bass at moments and explore your position as a frontman. It feels good, but it's interesting too, because that was never on my bucket list. I never had that in mind for my life to be a frontman, or a lead singer. I just always wanted to make music and write and record and have that be my job. I've been lucky enough to have achieved that goal. But, you know, circumstances being what they are, I eventually landed into that role without having it as a goal, but it's something that I do enjoy. It's something I did years ago with Brobecks. But between then and now it's been more than a decade. So I think it took me a minute to sort of relearn that role and find myself in that role again, and luckily once it started rolling, it didn't take long for me to find that footing again. But there was that learning curve where I tried to remember how to be in this spot, rather than just filling a spot on the side of that stage just playing bass. So yeah, it's been fun to be able to put it down every once in a while and have a little more freedom to wander around or spill water bottles all over the stage, which is a bad habit of mine.

It also allows for a nice relationship with the audience. I mean, that's something you've always had – it almost feels like a conversation in places. It's a little secret club in a way for all these fans. That was the impetus when it started. Because this was a secret project, no one was supposed to know about it. And I really had no goals in mind for it other than to get some music out of my head and play it for a bunch of strangers that didn't know what other bands I'd ever been in and see if that art that I was making could stand on it's own two feet without waving some giant flag saying, 'Hey, everybody, I was in this band before, come and see what I'm doing.' There was something about that which felt really disingenuous and kind of gross to me. So starting this project in secret with this ridiculous band name that no one could ever find appealing made a lot of sense at the time. But as things snowballed – and what a wonderful problem to have, I'm talking about this like it's some sort of bad thing but it's not, it's a great thing – eventually it became too late to choose a more sensible band name. But, you know, band names are ridiculous anyway, so who cares? I guess the secret is just to not care. But yeah, finding that role again. It took a minute, but it's been a lot of fun. I'm enjoying it a lot.

In terms of the newer songs in the set, did playing them live and seeing the audience reaction change your opinion about them at all? It's a similar feeling for both me and the audience. Because the way that writing and recording music works now is different from how it was 20 years ago. You used to write your song, go out and play it every night, workshop it, tighten the screws on it, and then you go record it and put on a record. Now, with Youtube and streaming services and bootlegs and things, you have to keep a tight lid on this new stuff that you're working on until it's been officially released. So now, you write your song and you record it and then you learn how to play it afterwards. So taking those out into the world for the first time on stage after you've recorded it, I think it's a new experience for the audience and for the performers as well, because you get a handle on this new thing that you've already recorded. Then night by night, kind of like I mentioned before, someone might do something different. The song sort of evolves and changes a little bit from the way that you recorded it. I think there's a lot of fun to be had in that. Sometimes those things can only happen once you are in front of people and playing those songs. It's all a really organic process and I really enjoy that.

I guess the other thing you had to consider was how best to balance this new material, which pushed you into some new places musically, with the older songs that everybody knows. It's become a challenge now because when this thing started, I hadn't recorded or released anything. It was about four or five months of playing dive bars in secret and just denying that this was even a thing while I was recording. Then by the time we did have something out there, I think we put a song on YouTube first with no record label, no radio, nothing. Then that song just kind of took off. Then we were expected to fill an hour whenever we would go on tour and we had only released five songs. So learning that frontman role and stretching bits out and filling in our set with some covers and maybe some old Brobecks songs, that was the challenge. Now, the challenge has become picking a setlist that has bits and pieces of stuff that you love and that the audience would appreciate from the past and from the current record. So it's a different challenge now, but it's one that I'm enjoying. Revisiting stuff that is important to me from the past and things that I really like playing and stuff that the audience either needs to hear, because we're promoting it, or is stuff that I know they have responded to well in the past and that they'd like to hear. So it's a combination of different factors to make a decent setlist, I think, but I try to keep all that stuff in mind.

One particularly special moment at the London show was when Will Joseph Cook joined you onstage to perform your collaboration "Sunnyside'. That was fun. He's a London boy. The algorithm sent me some of his music a couple of years back and it was a song called 'Take Me Dancing', one of his songs from maybe four or five years ago. It was one of those songs that when you hear it as a songwriter, it's so good that it kind of pisses you off, you know? Dammit, that's good. So I reached out to him to see if he wanted to collaborate on some stuff, and it's been a great working relationship ever since. Then we just pass each other ideas back and forth all the time. He hit me up and asked if he could come to the London show and I said, 'Why don't you come out on stage and we'll sing this 'Sunnyside' song that we to wrote together'. He's like, fuck yeah, so we hooked up a spare microphone and ran it on soundcheck and then brought them out on stage for the set. It was a lot of fun to be able to do that. To play it live with the person who helped cowrite that was pretty special.

So you see that collaborative relationship continuing on more songs in the future? We hung out pretty much all day that day backstage and showed each other ideas that we have floating around. After I got home, I send him some more songs. So yeah, we're definitely going to keep that collaborative working relationship going. He's a good young man with a bright future.

You have also been able to bring some more Brobecks songs into your setlist and put a new, IDKHOW twist on them. Are there any more of those older songs you'd like to re-record or perform again? I've got a shortlist of maybe four or five old Brobecks songs that I think never really got a proper chance to be a proper song, you know, whether that was because we didn't have enough money to record it properly or get it mixed or mastered or even release it. Then I eventually released the songs in a vacuum and no one ever really heard it. But there's four or five I think that I would still like to give a proper chance to. It's not super high on the priority list. But it is something that I'm interested in because I am a fan of songs. And you know, probably more so than albums as a whole, I'm a song man. There are a few from the past that I think had some potential. But I would probably have to consider, you know, the passage of time in between when I first wrote them as a young man and, if I did rerecord and release, now there might have to be some lyric adjustments or something because I don't know how well some lyric choices when you're 22 would go over when you're 42. So there might be some rewrites in order. But revisiting some of those I think would be fun because this project and that project, they aren't unrelated to each other. I very well could have easily called this The Brobecks. But whenever I started this, putting a period at the end of that old project seemed like the right move and moving on to something new that didn't have any baggage to carry along with it. It felt like the move. But yeah, that doesn't mean that that stuff isn't still important to me. It's still very meaningful and I really love playing old Brobecks songs and I think that I always will.

Now that you have had some time to reflect since the release of 'GLOOM DIVISION', how are you feeling about that collection of songs now? It's interesting how your perspective changes on things. When I first recorded it, and was getting ready to release it, I was so excited and I thought this was the best work that I've ever done. Then even with the good reviews that it has gotten and the fan response, there was still more mixed reviews, or mixed feelings, about it than I thought there would be. But seeing that happen has given me a sort of step back, trying to be more objective, which is hard to do when you're making art, you know, because it really is for you. That's still number one for me whenever I make art. It is for me, and I want to like the thing that I'm making. That's the most important bit and if anyone else happens to like it, that's just a really great bonus. But I made this record and I loved it and I thought that surely everyone else would too. All of my favourite records and the things that I draw inspiration from are not popular records. These are not things that were at the top of the charts. You know, even on some of my top 10 Records of all time – Elvis Costello's 'This Year's Model' or The Flaming Lips or Ben Folds Five, all of my favourite stuff, these were never people that lived at the top of the charts. So, to me, the response kind of makes sense. As long as you're making something that you like, and you're not trying to play to the gallery, then whatever their response is, so be it.

UK artists in particular seem to have always had a big influence on you. I've been a sucker for everything British since I got into the Beatles, and if it was from the 60s and it was British then I was all about it. Even in the 90s, | was a big Britpop fan. In the post grunge-90s, Britpop in America was not the cool thing to be into, but I was all about it. Blur was my favourite. I loved Pulp and I liked Oasis too. That was my shit back in the 90s while everyone else was listening to Rage Against The Machine, which I can appreciate more now. Back then, I viewed it as the stuff my older brother and his friends were into and they're all bros. So I was being kind of a little hipster about it. But I love Rage now. But yeah, back then in the 90s, again I was into stuff that wasn't living at the top of the charts.

It must have been particularly exciting to finally come over here and play shows for the first time. Yeah it was very cool to be there finally and see where rock and roll...wasn't born but where it had been fine tuned and perfected. We may have done it first but I'm always of the mindset that y'all did it best. There's no pride in regards to, you know, who did what and when. I'm a fan of what y'all do. I love it over there.

One UK show that must stick in the memory was when you played Brixton Academy in 2016 with Panic! At The Disco just after David Bowie had passed away. That must have been quite a surreal but special moment. I remember waking up in my hotel that day to the news and being hit with it harder than I probably thought I would have ever been. I'd always been a big Bowie fan, but sometimes you don't really realize how much you like something until it's gone, which is kind of fucked up. So I woke up to the news that he had died and I cried a little bit, you know, which kind of surprised me. Then I went out walking the streets, because we had a full day before we had to be at the venue for soundcheck, and his music was everywhere. Walking past that mural that's down the street from the venue where people had made this makeshift memorial, there was this awesome sense of community. That was a great reminder about the importance behind art and behind music. All of these people walking the streets, they might not share anything in common, but at least for today, or that day, everyone's sharing this art that this man made. There's something so special about that. Whenever an artist passes along from this world, you hope that your art that you make continues to be enjoyed by people and that way you get to sort of live on and still impact people. So that's the hope. I certainly hope that's the case with me and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. Playing that venue in particular, or really any historical venue where I know for sure that someone I love has played there and has walked down this staircase to the stage just like I'm doing, I always think about that right before we're about to take the stage. There's something intimidating about it and something comforting about it at the same time.

Similarly, when you played Camden Electric Ballroom with IDKHOW, that is another venue with so much history. There is a plaque outside in memory of when Prince performed there. That's another reason why I really love playing in London because there's so many choices. You throw a stone and there's a gig happening somewhere and you have your choice of just about anything under the sun that you can go see. So the fact that there are people on the other side of the world that would choose to come see this project and watch us play the songs that I write here in my basement is nothing short of a miracle to me. This last round of shows that we played over there, particularly that last show in London, to be able to have that venue full of people is so special to me and does not go unappreciated.

[thefandomlesbian]

AO3 Wrapped 2024

tagged by @gaylilsherlock

1.) Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Developing an interest in Gunsmoke. That was an accident, I swear.

2.) How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year?

I have every intention of trying to make 2025 year the year of completion. I am finishing the last two of my short Gunsmoke fics (The Horse Thief and Venom in Violet), and after that, I'm going to finish typing my multiple notebooks of content on IN A DREAM YOU FOUND A WAY TO SURVIVE AND YOU WERE FULL OF JOY (believe it or not, this fic is almost completely finished... IN my notebooks, not on my computer). Then, I'm going to finish my Gunsmoke multichapter, dead hands. And after that, my priorities include trying to tackle the behemoth of repairing Not Bigger But Brighter and maybe completing Box Full of Darkness at long last.

So, I suppose the straight answer is I'm not planning on starting many, if any, new works next year; I'm hoping to bring several of my long unfinished fics to their finale.

3.) Favorite character to write this year?

JAMES EVAN WILSON. Without challenge. I invented his entire family and gave them a complex lore for my Hilson HS AU fic (unpublished and I intend to keep it that way). I love him so much, and I took a lot of liberties in giving him lore. To me, he's almost an OC in a way. I definitely love him more than any of the others! He's my blorbo.

4.) The character that gave you the most trouble this year?

I'm gonna go with Lisa Cuddy. I feel like my portrayal of her has strengthened with time, but she's a struggle for me, which is probably why I haven't written any Stacy/Cuddy fic, even though I adore the ship an unreasonable amount and rarely see work for them.

5.) What's one pairing you want to explore next year?

Stacy/Cuddy!

6.) Did you receive any gifts this year?

I believe I got tagged in a couple posts on Tumblr! But no, I didn't receive any gift fics on AO3.

7.) Did you do any collaborative works this year?

Other than private roleplays, no. But my beta does a bombass job!

8.) What do you listen to while writing?

While I'm actively writing (thinking of words to write down), I listen to white noise. While I'm transcribing @libbymania I sometimes will listen to music instead of white noise, or rarely I'll listen to an old radio episode. For brainstorming and sometimes transcribing, I try to make playlists for each one of my fics! And when I'm searching for inspiration, I'll often scroll down have-you-heard-this-band and listen to 2-3 songs of each of the last 10 artists and try to glean ideas from the fresh music. This exposes me to a lot of music I otherwise never would have heard, and I've found a lot of my new favorite bands this way!

9.) Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Uhhhhh there are a lot and I'm sure there are more in the notebooks I haven't transcribed! But this is a section from an upcoming chapter of JOY!

As [Wilson] studied House’s face, azure eyes pooling with tears (stinging from the wind, perhaps, or perhaps genuinely distressed, genuinely fearful, though the notion of the latter was uncomfortable, so he pushed it away), he lost all of his words. He could say nothing kind enough, acerbic enough, observant enough, to greet the sight of House’s mouth hanging agape, the overworn wool hat dangling from between his fingers, his shoulders loose and helpless in posture, the slouch to the right where his knee could no longer fully straighten—this was the powerless man who had flanked Wilson’s bedside for months, the one he had seen in his lucid dreams when he was immobilized by drugs and could only view the world when someone held his eyes open, always hunched in pain, sometimes staring, sometimes too weak to look. House was staring now, fighting for his composure. Wilson waited for it to reassemble.

He closed his mouth, swallowing tightly, shifting his jaw. He tucked the hat into the pocket of his jacket, extending an open-palmed hand to Wilson, fingers curling to beckon him back. He didn’t speak. But he was pleading for Wilson to return.

He had no choice but to fall back, obediently placing his hand in House’s, where he was tugged persistently back to his side. “I wasn’t anywhere near the edge.”

The quick sentence was easy to make out on his lips. “I know.” House was squeezing his hand tight enough to hurt.

“Then why were you scared?”

“I wasn’t scared.” The grip didn’t loosen. Wilson gingerly broke away from it.

“You looked scared.”

Tags!!

@oddlittlestories @someguywriting @thatwholethingwiththeduck @greghousepogging @greghousebignaturals

[weaselbeaselpants]

I know a lot of people are on mobile but especially if you're on desktop open a gofundmelink in another tab. Gofundme is not a data tracker or malware site and touching a link will not immediately steal money from you. When you're there at the Gofundme page ALWAYS SKIM through the bio, disc, pages and more to see if there's anything genuinely suspicious:

AI art/badly compressed jpegs of people rather than clear images

Be wary of people misspelling (multiple times) a person's/various people's names. It can be an accident of transcribing software, yes, but it is odd that the family running a campaign on behalf of a person in Gaza is somehow forgetting that person's name.

OBVIOUSly, be careful whenever you see someone using other people's photos for their campaign. I screeched to a hault the first time I came across one of those.

-In order to make sure of the former, again ALWAYS check and briefly skim/scroll through a GoFundMe page to make sure you're getting the details.

Things that are not red flags or signs of a scam bot despite what some people want to make you think:

That the donation page exists at all because "I thought they DIDN'T HAVE internet in Gaza!!". 1, people still have phones and power in places so there's still people documenting their conditions. 2, depending of where you camping in or newly evacuated to yes there are still wifi spots in Gaza and people are using those brief period and spots to contact -

- Foreign friends and family. The gofundmepages are not being run directly by the people fleeing Gaza, they are being run by FRIENDS AND FAMILY who live outside Gaza and are trying to raise up enough money to send to people who will then get their loved ones to safety.

Pictures change. Yeah if it's a drastic and/or shitty quality pick out of nowhere that's sus like I said but I don't know how to tell you this but people posting new pictures of themselves or adding more pictures of their predicament is a VERY common thing to do on GoFundMe and and any campaign at all.

Goal amount changes. Yet again- on GoFundMe you have the ability to change your funding goal. In the case of emergencies in and out of Gaza MANY campaigns will suddenly shift to a higher goal thus putting them further from their og funding goal. Again, outside forces are the ones organizing these things and they themselves may suddenly be told or hit with the realization that they need more money.

I get it. It's more than realistic to be wary and careful and obviously not trust every random indie fundraiser you see, presuming it's working it good faith or is even real.

But, as someone who's run a gofundme all on my own and had to do her own campaigns and self-promo all on her own and so trusted legit organizations advice (which were themselves scams) that turned out to be just "copypaste. copypaste. copypaste. Give us more money and we'll have an agent robot proof read it for you" --it's really awful to presume most if not all of the Gaza donations MUST BE scams.

Do your due-diligence. Click the link and read through and then also read through the tumblr chain linking to said fundraiser to make sure it says "vetted by".

[valoisfulcanellideux]

Points of interest from today's Pix stream

See behind the cut for some points of interest transcribed from Pix's Empires stream today (fWhip joins in, in chat, too). Included:

endings for the season and fan expectations

fanworks and headcanons, how Pix wanted to structure his S2 to enable fans to run with their own ideas, and how his S1 ending the way it did also enabled that

what Pix would like to do if there's an Empires S3 [speculative only; not concrete plans]

Behind the cut with you!

This led out of a conversation wherein Pix discussed having seen many fans' opinions of S2 ending 'suddenly'/'too soon' and 'unsatisfactorily' and not to their liking, and how the endings could have been better/loose ends tied up more, etc etc (we've probably all seen those opinions and posts repeatedly by now, so I'm not going to belabour them anymore).

First off, Pix very briefly mentions his season end plans:

fWhip (in chat): A lot of people seem to have taken my video as the end.. not realizing everyone will upload their own finale. I didn't do any real lore this season so having a full lore based ending felt wrong

Pix: I've got an ending planned, but it's going to be very much like my ending. And, again, I'm somebody who doesn't have any story to my stuff, really. Like… I became a ghost. Nothing's really happening with that. It's just a fact of my existence now.

fWhip (in chat): I finished building gobland to where I was happy with it, so that was a natural end for me as a creator

Pix: Yeah, like, "Guess what? I'm done building. Series over!" [pause, then mutters] I wish I was done building [laughs]

[discussion continues for a while around fan expectations]

fWhip (in chat): also I think some fans don't realize not all of our audiences love the heavy lore, and if our videos don't get views we can't really keep making videos lol

Pix: Yeah, that's the thing. There's always going to be the most activity around stuff that people really feel like they can get behind as a community. But the communities tend to isolate themselves with other people who enjoy the same stuff they do, right? So, like, folks on Tumblr or Reddit, for example, might get really behind certain creators' approach to lore.

[short discussion about browsing the Empires subreddit and seeing so many posts about Jimmy being a toy, including polls worded in such a way that they're biased from the outset. also how - when fans latch on to certain ideas like that - it can be stifling to a creator, as in 'once you've exhausted that thing but people still want it from you, where do you go from there?']

This next part was what I really loved about this stream discussion: Pix's views on fanworks:

Viewer: Tumblr will come up with lore even if there isn't any tbh

Pix: And that's what I wanted to do with this season. I really wanted to just create whatever I wanted to create, and have it be something that people could speculate about all they wanted to, and any answer would be the right answer. That's one of the things I liked about… [pause] Even though I felt bad having left Empires Season One when I did, and everyone else was very kind in pointing out, like, "You said you were going to leave then anyway, so it's not you kind of left us in the lurch, or whatever"… [pause]

One of the things about the ending of Season One not really being there was that people come up with their own theories about what happens to the Copper King after all of that. And I'm, like, "All of those are correct!" [laughs]. Whatever you think happened, happened. Because that's the fun of using your imagination for stuff like this, right? That's sort of the approach I want to encourage people taking when we do projects like this, is your interpretation is just as valid as ours. And if you want to imagine that stuff, don't always expect us to act on it.

Finally, someone in chat asks what Pix would like to do if Empires S3 takes place. [NOTE: This should not be taken as gospel and what Pix plans to do. He appeared to just be spitballing and chatting casually here, so this isn't a concrete plan, nor is it confirmation that there will be a season 3. I'm just adding this as another point of interest from the stream.]

Viewer: I know you said that you're not sure about Empires season 3 but what would you do if it did happen?

Pix: That's the thing: I really don't know, and that's part of the reason we're not doing a season 3 immediately, if at all. I don't know what ideas would work, I don't know what ideas would be compatible with other people's ideas. Like, I would love to do something that feels a bit more modern, because I don't challenge myself often enough to build in a modern style. I would love to do something that felt a little bit more cyberpunk, in… like a System Shock kind of way. But I don't know for certain if that would be at all compatible with anything else, because Empires in general skews a bit more, like, D&D fantasy, which tends to be more medieval fantasy; European medieval, specifically. And, y'know, there's a few exceptions to that, but I think a lot of the time - because Minecraft itself feels like more of a fantasy world… y'know, there's cobblestone and wood everywhere, and bookshelves, and enchantment setups, and brewing and that kind of thing. It all feels a lot more medieval fantasy than anything else. I just think it's kind of difficult to sell the idea of there being, like, a cyberpunk kind of modern setup in the middle of all these other people who are still playing, like, straight-up D&D. It feels anachronistic, and not in a good way.

[brief discussion about how 'modern empires' could also mean business empires, but that would then mean creators having to build whole cities, which are a pretty hefty undertaking]

[zigmenthotep]

Someone posted in the comments on my video on the topic about not being able to find the "44 rules for dnd" since the original posts were deleted, and I honestly couldn't even find the Twitter post I got them from originally. So I've transcribed them to Tumblr where they can live forever with all the other trash!

Context: Posted to r/dndhorrorstories May 25, 2024

My dm laid out the 44 rules for dnd 

My dm just posted this after a hiatus, enjoy:

I'll just put shit out now thats going to change before anyone goes through with anything:

I'm timing turns. I don't give a fuck of it’s unfair in your opinion cause your spells are hard or you don't know what square to move to. you get 1 minute to know all the actions you want to take or I skip your turn.

If you want harder fights, bring a second character sheet and expect to twiddle your thumbs when you die. I'm not going to baby anyone.

If you call me or my rolls unfair, I'll get up and go home. and if you got a ride with me you can find your own way back and suck it up.

I'm going to take your characters loot away as regularly as you want it given out. Rule 3 will apply here.

If you don't act out any of your persuasion or intimidation or any other social checks you fail, before you even roll. You fail immediately because you aren't even trying and you're making the game lame for everyone else.

If you don't pick up cues for "side quests" that's not my problem. Get over yourself, it's not a video game, it's a role playing pen and paper based game with miniatures. I'm not holding your hand if you choose not to pursue shit.

If you move to a square in combat there's no take backs.

You tell every single person what you're doing before you do it. You don't fucking roll dice and then say you're casting fireball. You tell us all.

I will give out exhaustion more frequently. If you argue, go home or you can actually fight me over it or you can dm yourself.

Every snide comment you make to an npc will be remembered and paid back in triplicate. You all seem to believe there is little consequence.

You will not be given a mega dungeon every session. A temple is not the size of a small city, neither is a cave. This shit will happen when it's natural and organic. Go play some roguelike if you want that.

The travel portion is done. You wanna travel continents doing literally whatever you want whenever you want? Go play world of Warcraft or play dnd with chat gpt.

If you're late with no good reason I'm going to halve your characters hit points for the entire session.

If you don't show up for no good reason, and that will be determined by me alone if no one else has the guts to say shit for fear of upsetting one another, the first time you'll find yourself losing either a whole level or up to three major items of your own. The second time you do it in a row, you'll be removed from the chat and the group full stop. I have no fucking time for people to not show up.

If you get too stoned or drunk to play, I will go home without a warning. Your warning is here.

If you get up for bong or smoke or whatever breaks every 10 minutes I will simply pack up and go home. I'm sick of waiting for every bloke to be at the table.

Guidance, divination spells, owls and whatever spells I decide are too fucking stupid are banned. Outright. No more fucking guidance.

You get one chance at a skill check. If you fuck up, your party doesn't get their chance to do the same check. Think careful who's good at what.

Discussion of meta game details in game will result in instant damage to your character

Rules lawyering fellow players is encouraged. “Uhm Ackchtually”ing me will just result in me telling you to fuck off.

You roll your dice within view of two players who aren't you standard. You roll them neatly and you roll them on the table. Failing to do these three things will auto fail whatever roll you did. Arguing that you actually rolled validly when you clearly didn’t is an automatic critical fail.

Instant death traps and mechanics are coming into place. If you call these things unfair moving forward, I will laugh at you and tell you to fuck off and cry some more.

I will not give you random magical items and vendors will not stock them. They are meant to be rare and hard to acquire.

Random encounters in the form of random dragons or strange mysterious road trader or a band of goblin prostitutes isn't going to happen. Go play baldurs gate 3.

I don't give two fucks what reddit said about x or y ruling.

I actually give less of a fuck about what your mate's dnd group did

Saying anything to me about other players not liking me doing x or y without them saying it directly to me will result in me kicking you out of the group. Don't use someone else to push your own agenda.

You're not to sit down and have a two hour discussion about what Samson from Bundoora secondary did three weeks ago when you come to play. Take the 15-20 minutes I use to set up and review my notes to talk to eachother, then sit down to play.

Saying Shit like "guys come on we're not here to have fun we're here to play dnd, this is serious business” is rude and dismissive of how much work I put into this. I will simply go home if I hear this shit.

Don't fucking order food randomly. We will eat together at a specific time or not at all. I don't want food shit all over my things.

No food or drinks near any of my dnd gear. If you wreck something you can pay for it. I let one person trash my dm screen once and I never had it replaced by them. In fact I had that person attempt to gaslight me into believing they didn't wreck my shit at all. I'm not stupid, you're an adult. Accept responsibility.

Arguments between party members outside of roleplay will be resolved by me giving the definite ruling. If you don't like it, fuck off back home.

I don't give a fuck what they did in critical role or what that one guy on reddit said or if you think that it's all make believe so you can do what you want. The world I run works on internal rulings and lore I created specifically for it.

Every single person in this chat is having debuffs applied to their characters that should have occurred a long time ago. This will be specific to characters.

If you don’t bring your sheet, you don’t play.

If you don't bring dice, borrow some.

When we play dnd I'm not your friend. That doesn't mean you treat me like an enemy during the game. It means I'm no longer “being nice”.

If you treat me poorly in any way shape or form after or during or before the game due to something that happened in the game, you're out. If you cannot seperate a game from reality, I think you are a fucking moron, and I have little time to deal with that energy.

You will submit your spelllists daily (in game). If you do not give me a spell list each in game day, you will not be allowed to cast a single spell or cantrip in combat. I do not trust you guys to not use this against me.

If you do not mark off spell slots or you say something like "I remember what I'm at” as a way to justify it, I will simply fail your spell, deal half your health in damage to you and say you have no spells to cast for the rest of the day.

If you break literally anything you can buy the replacement that day or not attend till you do.

If you complain about the choice of music I fully expect you to bring the whole playlist the next session or to shut the fuck up.

Cannot stress enough how little I care about how you feel about my rulings from now on.

Oh and rule 44. I'm never just threatening you. I'm promising you.

[sunriseverse]

@huzzzah i was trying to answer your ask but tumblr fucking ate it so i’m copy pasting from my email:

Oooh! I have a translation vs. transliteration question! Or, well, several questions. As a translator, how do you decide when to translate vs. when to transliterate? How do you handle names (for example, Pangzi vs Fatty, Xiazi vs Blind man or whatever)? Should ALL names be transliterated? All proper nouns? How do you decide? Is it just based off vibes? How do you handle potentially confusing readers (as a reader, I say let them fight for themselves, I have google but idk!)

Also as sort of an aside, sort of connected, because it has to do with transliteration: i would love to hear your thoughts on romanization. I've often looked at pinyin (which is what I'm the most familiar with as someone who doesn't speak the language) and been both impressed by the breadth of what it manages to cover while also a little baffled by some of its choices. I know there are non-pinyin romanizations, too. Would love to hear your thoughts

i was originally going to try and cite sources and talk translation theory but i realised that realistically it’s just going to largely be my opinion anyway so it’s probably better to just state that upfront. i have no formal translation training but i’ve been doing fantrans work for various cnovels since 2023 and i like to think i’m at least half decent at it, but yeah that’s where i’m coming from (technically i’ve taken classes that focused on translation as a way to understand the text but that’s not the same as proper translation studies training)(which i hope to one day do but that’s neither here nor there)

for anyone reading this post, i’m going to assume you don’t know the difference between translation and transliteration. translation is the practice of translating the meaning of words, and transliteration is transcribing the sounds.

when to translate and when to transliterate is a boundary you’re constantly negotiating as a translator. i’m of the opinion that wholly sticking to one or the other is undermining yourself—but in my opinion, generally speaking, there are some things that should almost never be translated, mainly 1. proper names (with possibly the exception of names which are the chinese transliteration of foreign words/names), 2. concepts with no english equivalent (various wuxia titles like shixiong/shijie), and 3. words where the usage of a translation will make things sound in the “wrong” register (“mister” and “xiansheng” have subtle but different registers, for example).

when i started off doing translations, i was trying to imitate the style of the previous translator, who tended towards translation over translation (though not for names, thankfully). however, as time went on, i shifted and changed as a translator and in my practices. i do NOT translate names, or chinese-specific terms—if a name is commented on in the text for one reason or another, i’ll include a footnote to explain things (i love footnotes). my main reason for this is that, as a native chinese speaker, you don’t process names like pangzi the same way you would the word pangzi—just like an english speaker isn’t going to process the name rose the same as the word rose. if you translate pangzi to fatty, in my opinion you’re giving the english language reader a different experience of the text from what a native speaker would be getting. (and, also, this in my opinion also serves to exoticise chinese—it comes off as strange and unusual to an english speaker that a character would be named, for example, black glasses—but as i pointed out, an english speaker wouldn’t think twice about a name like rose or june being unusual or weird!)

in terms of nouns, like i mentioned above: if there is a direct english equivalent (椅子 -> chair) i’ll generally translate it directly. but if a word doesn’t have an english equivalent, i’ll leave it in transliterated form (pinyin), and add a footnote with further explanation (this is what i had to do with some things like the chinese concept of souls, 三魂七魄, where i will refer to it as “hun spirit” or “po soul” rather than just “spirit” or “soul” for example)(actually i think i use soul and spirit interchangeably, not necessarily one stuck with another, but i digress).

over time i’ve also shifted from translating appellations to transliterating them—for example, using xiaojie rather than miss or daren instead of lord or lady—the second one, partially because the original chinese term isn’t necessarily gendered, and picking one or the other translation necessarily forces you to choose a gender in english (this is a very minor thing, and doesn’t always apply, but in my case the novel i’m working with has a lot of non-human/mortal characters and some gender things, so that’s a specific decision i’m making)(another example would be that in the other novel i’m working on, i rendered 摄政王 as prince regent rather than merely regent, even though it’s technically ungendered—王 is usually a male title and the setting of the story tackles an upheaval of patriarchal roles on women, so using a typically male translation for a title given to a female character felt more in line with the author’s intent).

also, initially i was really trying to handhold anyone who might not be familiar with chinese language/culture/history, but over time i’ve decided that english language readers SHOULD actually have to put in some work, even if it’s just reading a footnote—the rest of the world is expected to learn english to read and watch and interact with english language media, i don’t think asking english language readers to click a footnote for more context is going to kill them

okay, now onto the fun, academic part! romanisation systems! chinese has actually had a number of them, but the ones i’ll be focusing on are those i know the most about: wade-giles, gwoyeu romatzyh, and pinyin.

of the three, wade-giles is a foreign system (created by british diplomat thomas wade and modified by sinologist herbert giles), and gwoyeu and pinyin are native systems. wade-giles and gwoyeu are designed for those who aren’t chinese, or those who don’t know characters—wade-giles was used by foreigners groups, especially the british, and gwoyeu was an attempt by a chinese polymath to create a replacement for the character system—, and pinyin is meant to be a brief crutch used when memorising or encountering new characters.

wade-giles annoys me personally the most out of the three—it has a system of marking chinese phonemes which doesn’t properly distinguish between a number of phonemes; it distinguishes [d] and [t] as t’ and t respectively, [q] and [ch] as ch’ and ch, etc (hence “i ching” for yi jing, “taoism” for daoism, and ch’ing dynasty for qing dynasty). technically i know that this is to mark an aspiration—supposedly [d] is just an aspirated t, for example, even if i don’t frankly believe it—, but it gives those who don’t have a familiarity with the language a sense of false similarity between each pair—the ch’ in ch’ian doesn’t sound anything like the ch in chuan, for example. wade-giles is used in romanisation in taiwan, but taiwan also uses fanti/traditional characters so i’m not going to beat down anyone’s door about this.

gwoyeu……..now there’s an interesting thing. it was created by a team led by the polymath y. r. chao (or zhao yuanren), and was briefly in use during the kuomintang/guomindang’s government during the republican era. chao and his team believed that, by indicating tones through spelling differences, foreigners and the illiterate could more easily learn to read and write in chinese. the end goal was to replace the written chinese system entirely, but gwoyeu never took off (excepting in a couple very minor cases—for example, shaanxi to differentiate it from shanxi, and wey to differentiate it from the better known wei), and was never proven to have any greater use in teaching chinese.

and finally, pinyin. pinyin is, like i mentioned, meant to be a crutch when learning new characters—generally speaking, the expectation is that you use pinyin for only as long as it takes to look up or memorise a character, and then you transition from tying the pronunciation to the pinyin to the character itself. unlike wade-giles and gwoyeu, pinyin has tones indicated with diacritics, making for an easy remembering of how the tone is said—mā is level, má is rising, mǎ is falling-riding, mà is falling, and ma is neutral—, unlike gwoyeu where you have to memorise which combinations of letters indicate a tone, or wade-giles, where you have to memorise which number each tone corresponds to.

in terms of choices made for pinyin: i haven’t actually gotten around to reading the official document the committee making pinyin wrote, but generally, the intent is to match one letter to one phonetic unit in the language—zh and z are two individual phonetic units, as are t and d (you can tell they’re not allomorphs, but rather their own phonemes, because a word changes its meaning if you use one in place of the other—zhé and zé mean entirely different things (in my hypothetical example i’m using the characters 折 and 择, “fold” and “to choose”, but there are other options as well—there are a lot of homophones!)). vowels are a bit more flexible (for example, the sound “uo” is represented by either o or uo depending on the consonant that precedes it), but generally the idea is that pinyin matches with the spoken language.

…….well, this post got long, oops. i hope i answered your questions? and thank you for letting me ramble!

[solarishashernoseinabook]

SOLAR okay hi!! So I’ve noticed a while ago that some people will write image IDs in alt text and also paste them in the post! And I was wondering the purpose of that- but I sorta just forgot about it!

But!! I always write alt texts for my art, and other posts I make with images. Someone reblogged some of them and tagged “undescribed” and that confused me (for clarity, note that I am not like, offended by this or anything, only confused! I just don’t understand why :]!!)

so I was wondering if you know why that might be? The reason I ask you is because I don’t know who else I would ask D:

Basically I’m wondering if I should be putting the IDs in the post as well as in alt texts, or if it’s simply a matter of preference!

okay SO! This isn't necessarily an easy answer. There's a few components to this and different things to consider, so let's take it step by step, go over obvious information, and then get to the root of your question. This is not going under a cut, sorry folks but tumblr can be finicky and information under a readmore can get lost fairly easily.

DISCLAIMER: I don't require image descriptions in my daily life, but i've been writing them for four-ish years at this point. The information below is what I've gathered from several "how to do image descriptions" posts over the years. I'm open to any corrections, feedback, or additional information anyone can provide!

Why do people require image descriptions? Pretty simply, for one reason or another, a person can't access the contents of an image. They could be blind or low vision, or have a learning disability that makes reading difficult. An image description can either transcribe text in an image (e.g., a description might read "text saying i love birds") or describe the contents of a picture (e.g., "a cartoon image of a bird on a nest"). People with low/no vision, or who can't read, use a variety of accessibility aids to help them navigate the 'net.

What are some of these accessibility aids? They take various forms - and that's more important than you might think! Screen readers are the most obvious, but they're not used by everyone. Other people use dyslexia-friendly fonts, magnify text, or invert colours or use high-contrast mode to make reading text easier. However, none of these options work with plain images! Someone with dyslexia could probably see the image of a bird on a nest just fine, but may not be able to read the words "I love birds" in a screenshot. Someone with low vision might not be able to see either image. If an image has a description attached, the text of the description will be magnified, or its font will be changed, or it'll be high contrast, or whatever else that person needs, and they can access the image via its description.

Alt text, image descriptions, and pros and cons of each So, what are some of the benefits of alt text? Because alt text is attached to an image, people using screen readers will have the description read to them as soon as they get to the image (if an image has no alt text, the screen reader will just say "image"). Because it's attached to an image, it's harder to lose it - if a post originally doesn't contain image descriptions and someone reblogs with a description later on, there are still going to be reblog chains that don't have the description attached to them. Some people also prefer alt text because image descriptions can make a post look "messy" - some people are less likely to reblog posts with visible image descriptions attached to them. And, for people who use screen readers, it can be really annoying to just hear "image" without knowing if it's followed by a description or not. But as we established, not all people who need image descriptions use screen readers, and not all accessibility aids work with alt text. For people who magnify text, for example, alt text often gets cut off. This is a bit easier to deal with on desktop - there's an XKit extension that puts alt text in a grey box below the image - but on mobile, this can be a real problem. As yet, I don't know for sure if high contrast, inverted colours, or accessible fonts work with alt text on mobile or in the visible alt text the XKit extension provides (if you know, please, tell me!) - but I know they work for image descriptions posted after an image. Alt text is great, but image descriptions are, at the moment, more consistently accessible.

So what should I use? Both? While either alt text or image descriptions are good, the consensus among those who need them seems to be to use one or the other, not both on the same post. For people who use screen readers, hearing the alt text only to immediately hear it repeated can be annoying. I'll use alt text if it's only going to be a couple of words or a single line, but otherwise I tend to use the alt text to say "image described below" to reassure those with screen readers.

But WHY are people tagging my post as undescribed? Bestie you wouldn't believe what people can miss. I've got a viral post that's got a GIF followed by a very obvious image description and it gets tagged as undescribed every so often. If you're using mainly alt text, it's possible that it's not visible on mobile yet - the tumblr app only shows the little alt text box about half the time. Or people get lazy and forget to check, or force of habit means they tag undescribed even though they did notice. Just tag them in the replies and point out that the description is actually there - the undescribed tag exists because a lot of people who need descriptions filter that tag so they don't waste their time on posts they can't access, and they deserve to see accessible posts!

[satorisa]

To Infinity, Forever

Rating: T Summary: Detailed herein is the story of Dark Mousy’s one and only posthumous heist in which he, equipped only with a love that refuses to die, tries to steal a love that will continue to grow today, tomorrow, and in the future beyond. Ad infinitum. Alternate Reading: AO3

Inspired by a tumblr post (that I can no longer find but do have a screenshot of) created by @riewritten that is transcribed as follows:

"why am I thinking of a potential hurt/comfort and tooth-rotting fluff fanfic where grown up satoshi and risa is in an established relationship

but since satoshi can still remember dark, as well as risa's unwavering love for him way back, he still couldn't come to terms with the fact that the risa right now actually loves him to the core

then there comes subtle gestures from risa implying that 'the me right now will be choosing you under any circumstances, no matter what. that'd shake satoshi to the core bc 'does she have any idea of my current concerns or is she just doing this subconsciously'

then later on, satoshi realizes that the 14 y/o risa already hidden in her deepest depths of consciousness - the one who had this love for dark but wasnt allowed to remember it - was also trying to assure him somehow that she also chooses him this time around, and that he has nothing to worry about but stay with her."

Hope you enjoy, dear~

Their reunion at that group date in New York City could only be described as serendipity.

After Dark’s disappearance, Risa and Satoshi’s relationship never developed beyond being friends of friends; they naturally went their separate ways after graduating from high school. And yet they applied for grad school in the same city: a decision that landed them both mere kilometers from each other where, on top of their professional obligations, Risa dated a slew of terrible guys while Satoshi continued to turn down anyone interested in him.

Risa’s friends urged her to go on a group date to potentially break her streak of awful dates and ex-boyfriends, and Satoshi’s friends urged him to go just to humor them this once. The two of them gave in, eventually, and were surprised to see each other on what they thought would be yet another forgettable evening.

They exchanged their new contact information after the mixer, finding comfort in knowing someone from home, someone from before their life in New York City, amongst the sea of people. At their first meeting, fueled by a yearning for familiarity in a foreign land, they learned that they enjoyed each other’s company. And, as they spent more time together, Risa began to fall for Satoshi’s kindness after the parade of garbage men in her life (and the fact that he had become more toned since their high school graduation—oh mama), and Satoshi began to fall for Risa’s thoughtfulness regarding his feelings and boundaries that those who previously tried to pursue him lacked (and the fact that she had, somehow, only gotten prettier since their high school graduation—my word).

It took a visit to the MET, and unconsciously holding each other’s hand while admiring Claude Monet’s Bridge over a Pond of Water Lilies, for them to begin dating.

And, surprisingly, their relationship flourished. They squabbled every once in a while, as usual in a relationship, but they always made up before retiring for the day. Despite their busy schedules, with her pursuing a PhD in East Asian Studies and him pursuing a PhD in History of Art and Archaeology, they carved time for each other, whether it was working on their own thing at a coffee shop or crying in the bathroom at four in the morning because grad school can go suck its own dick.

But there was one thing that Risa, unconsciously, would always remind Satoshi of:

The lingering remnants of Dark Mousy.

…

He didn’t think much about Risa’s obsession with all things Korean; after the Hallyu boom, such fascination became the norm. She never forced him to engage with it, but he knew that she loved indulging in the overly-produced music scene or modern rom-coms with increasingly ridiculous premises in the peripheries of their shared experiences.

One time, however, he had come over to her place, wanting her company while he read through some research papers, before they had dinner that evening. He arrived at her apartment, backpack slung over his shoulder, to hear music blasting from her TV.

“Hey,” she greeted.

“Hey,” he returned, taking off his shoes once he stepped inside.

“I’m cleaning up right now, so it’s gonna be a little noisy. Do you mind?”

Satoshi motioned towards his bag. “I’ve got my headphones if I need them.”

“Just to block out the noise?”

“Just to block out the noise.”

She shook her head with a smile. “Just use earplugs, you weirdo.”

He came into the living room and sat down at her coffee table, placing his bag on the floor next to him. Satoshi glanced at the men dancing on the TV, spotting someone who looked nearly identical to Dark Mousy, before Risa turned it off.

His heart fell.

“You didn’t have to turn it off,” he told her, hoping that vocalizing the sensible reaction to the current situation would calm him.

“Nah.” She motioned towards the countertop. “I have headphones, too. And I use them, yanno, like normal people. To listen to music.”

“Whatever.”

She laughed, returning to the kitchen while he got out his laptop. He watched Risa wash the dishes while it booted up.

“Who were they?” he asked.

“The group I was listening to earlier?”

“Yeah.”

Risa lit up, putting down the mug and sponge in her hands, before rushing towards him. She knelt beside him with her phone in hand, eager to share this with her boyfriend.

“They’re this group called ‘Black Wings!’” she said. “They just debuted this year and, oh my god, they’re so good.”

“You have a bias?”

“Of course! Hold on.” She tilted her phone back towards her, fingers quickly moving before showing Satoshi the screen again. “This is him!”

He looked almost exactly like Dark with the purple-black hair, the mullet-esque haircut uncommon in the K-pop realm, and those chiseled facial features. Somehow, despite the time that had passed and the memories that she had lost, Risa was still holding onto some semblance of her first love. Satoshi knew, logically, that she most certainly loved him more than that accursed phantom thief, but Risa fawning over this uncanny look-a-like disturbed him.

“You like guys like that?”

“Yeah,” she admitted. “Doesn’t help that most of them are assholes, though.”

“Yet somehow you ended up dating someone with the aesthetic of a college professor.”

She kissed him on the cheek before hopping back up and returning to the sink. “Because you’re the shining light in the darkness of my dating life. And you’re just as hot, if not hotter, than them! We could totally give you a makeover and—”

“Absolutely not.”

“Boo! You’re no fun.”

…

The next time she was unconsciously reminded of Dark Mousy was on their way to a Broadway show. They passed through Times Square so Risa could indulge in the noisy tourist attraction, taking photos of them that she would post on social media later that evening.

They were holding hands the whole time, partly because it was cold, partly because Satoshi didn’t want to lose her in the crowd, and partly because Risa loved holding hand. But, while he was engrossed in the ads on the screens surrounding them, he felt her grip slack.

Something entranced her.

He followed her gaze to see someone who vaguely resembled Dark Mousy chatting with someone who vaguely resembled Krad, and he could only respond to such a mocking sight with a bitter laugh. Risa was too focused to notice Satoshi’s discomfort.

It took a crying child to snap her out of it.

She then began to march towards Broadway, tugging him along while talking about her excitement for the show. He squeezed her hand, partly because it was cold, partly because Satoshi didn’t want to lose her in the crowd, partly because Risa loved holding his hand, and partly because he was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to overcome Dark’s imprint on her.

…

Satoshi began to have nightmares of him, Risa, and Dark.

Each one started differently, taking place in a myriad of settings, before converging to the same ending: Dark and Risa, holding hands with their backs towards him, as they disappeared from his line of sight.

Goddammit.

…

They encountered another doppelganger at the restaurant they ate at for their one-year anniversary. Their waiter came by, flashing Risa a stunning smile while he poured their wine into crystal flutes. She wasn’t as distracted as she was in Times Square because they had food and wine to reel her back in, but her eyes would always trail towards the waiter in the lulls of their conversation, punctuated by a contented sigh before she jumped back in with the same energy as before.

The look in her eyes haunted him on the way back to his apartment, as he made love to her, as she slept cuddled up next to him. Satoshi knew he didn’t have to compete with a first love that no longer existed in her life, in all the senses, and that it was hard to override the precedent set by said first love, but that niggling fear that Risa was only using him to soothe that phantom pain only grew louder each time he noticed.

He was far from Risa’s type both then and now. They only began dating because of sheer luck and impeccable timing. Any moment sooner, any moment later, and he knew that this serendipitous meeting would’ve never happened.

Slipping out of bed, he went outside for a smoke.

How pathetic was he for something like this to eat him up?

…

Despite Satoshi’s kindness and genuine empathy for the world around him, he was surprisingly closed off. While Risa learned a lot about him before he asked her out, he never divulged anything particularly personal. He had anecdotes and advice for anything and everything, but it was rare for him to share any thoughts or emotions about how it related to him.

He had a way to foster a sense of closeness with someone despite being so distant.

And Risa was excited to see how dating him would change that.

Satoshi’s true thoughts and emotions rarely surfaced in their day-to-day. Their daily interactions had clear indicators of their intimate relationship, such as their playful banters or their unconscious physical touches, but he maintained that casual familiarity while the sun was up.

She only became privy to his inner world during either intimate conversations, brought upon by late-night fatigue, drunken courage, or the general afterglow of sex, or crises in both his personal and professional lives. With everything she gleaned, she learned how to accommodate, to challenge, to adapt to him, just as he did to her, and she believed that their stark differences in most everything in their lives were but a footnote to how committed they were to each other.

Which is how she noticed when that distance began to return to their relationship.

She remembered the night in his apartment after their one-year anniversary dinner. He left the bed in the middle of the night and, despite his best efforts, returned smelling faintly of tobacco.

He only ever smoked when something bothered him.

It was a bad habit he picked up while working in Japan before coming stateside. That and heavy drinking.

She could usually pinpoint the reason why he would need a smoke: unable to get funding for his department, his PI rejecting this dissertation topic for the umpteenth time, the time he and Risa nearly broke up and so on. But she didn’t know what was bothering him this time.

And she knew that she couldn’t force it out of him either. He only shared his struggles with her when he was ready to, on his own terms, and never before that unless it was an extremely heated conversation.

So, when he returned to the bed, she wrapped her arms around him.

“I love you,” she lazily whispered.

“…I love you, too.”

And he hugged her, tighter than usual, before they drifted back to sleep.

…

Risa had a bad habit of zoning out around people. So many thoughts raced through her mind, both relevant and irrelevant to the conversations at hand, that she needed a pause to make sense of them before she could speak again. Either that or an attractive guy rendered her speechless.

Thankfully, it was a habit she mostly fell out of once she began to date Satoshi, but she still spaced out whenever she saw men that checked off features from an extremely specific list. They were always tall and lean, sporting a charismatic smile (if she saw it) and long, dark hair. For whatever reason, this specific combination always made her feel nostalgic yet wistful, and, oddly enough, conjured an image of black, feathered wings in her mind.

Her friends joked around about her getting tired of Satoshi whenever a guy caught her attention while they were out. And, while Satoshi didn’t seem to mind it all at first, asking if she had spotted a bias look-a-like or someone from the K-pop groups she followed, she noticed how his face began to fall in her peripheries whenever she’d snap out of it.

And then it happened during what was supposed to be a fun trip to the Strand.

Risa needed to stock up on some stationary while Satoshi wanted to browse the selection, hoping to add a couple of books to his ever-growing library. Pleased with the journals and pen she found, she weaved through the shelves to find Satoshi. She eventually spotted him with his nose in a book.

But she also saw someone who matched that dangerously specific set of criteria right behind Satoshi.

The image of black wings flashed in her mind, and those confusing feelings washed over her. And when she was able to break out of it, reminding herself that her boyfriend was a bookshelf away, she met Satoshi’s gaze.

He stood there, petrified, book still open in his hands. His eyes were wide, and his face was paler than usual.

Risa trudged through the quagmire of guilt as she scurried towards him, pulling him into an embrace. She dug her face into his chest, hearing his heartbeat, smelling the detergent and cologne on his clothes. He returned her hug as he rubbed her back with his free hand.

“Are you alright?” she whispered.

“I am,” he answered, his voice rumbling through her head. “Did you see another guy who looked like your bias?”

“He didn’t look like my bias,” she replied. “There’s just…something about the way he looked.”

“Because he’s your type?”

“Well, yes but…” She looked up at him. “I’m sorry. You probably hate it, don’t you?”

He shot her a smile to reassure her, but she could tell it was forced. “It’s not that I hate it. It’s a lot more complicated than that. Probably just as complicated as it is for you, right?”

She always wondered how he just knew things like this. How, even when they were experiencing any form of disconnect, he was always able to tie them back together. Validating her feelings when she couldn’t validate his. Seeing through whatever act she had put on that day because he didn’t want her to hide her true feelings from him, positive or not.

Risa nuzzled her head back into his chest. “I love you.”

“I know. I love you, too.”

And while she knew that he did, she heard the trepidation in his voice.

…

Both Risa and Satoshi began to spend more time at the other’s place than in their own apartments, alternating depending on their schedules that week. They were learning how to spend longer periods of time with each other, adapting to their partner’s living style, before they took the plunge into living together.

(It was something they wanted to rush into considering the price of rent in New York City, but they both knew they needed to acclimate to living together first. As appealing as the idea of cheaper rent was, they wanted to ensure that their domestic disagreements wouldn’t break their relationship.)

And so Risa had become acquainted to the silence in Satoshi’s apartment that amplified the noises of the city. And Satoshi had adapted to the constant stream of K-pop from Risa’s television.

Risa turned it on the moment she woke up, humming to the songs as she went about her business, and only turned it off before she had to leave or go to bed. She loved having it on as background noise and, even after Satoshi began to spend more time over at her apartment, she still kept it on because her boyfriend tended to keep to himself.

Somehow, she managed to get him to tolerate most of the music that she had on. She couldn’t sway him to liking visuals of their music videos, the looks of the idol members, or the quality of their choreography, but he came around to enjoying how the music sounded even if he didn’t understand it.

However, while he mostly blocked out the television whenever he was ever in the living room, she noticed that he would always watch Black Wing’s music videos. He knew immediately which songs were theirs due to the frequency that she played them, but he would always, for the three to five minutes they were on, give the television his undivided attention before returning to whatever he was doing.

And, after the incident at the Strand, she found it concerning.

The day after their date, she was at home doing chores while Satoshi worked on his research at the low table with printed copies of papers and textbooks, highlighted and annotated, radiating from where he sat. He had gotten into the habit of not using his headphones anymore, in case Risa had something to tell him, and his head had shot up immediately once Black Wings was on.

She stopped what she was doing before sitting down on the sofa behind him.

“Do you like them?” Risa asked.

“Not really.”

“But you’re always watching their videos.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re doing it right now.”

He turned around to look at her, and she prepared herself for a smirk and a quip. All Satoshi did, however, was meet her gaze.

“Why do you like Bam out of all of them?”

“Because he’s hot. And my type.”

Satoshi blinked. She expected him to take her answer at face-value before turning back around, but he didn’t. He kept her gaze, almost silently pleading for something.

But what did he want?

“Um, do you actually want to know why?”

“You like him for other reasons?”

Risa nodded as the group’s harmonized vocals filled her living room. “Like he’s super talented, too, right? And there’s just something about his charismatic personality that shines whenever the group’s on reality TV. But, hm, how do I describe this?

“Every time I look at him, I start to feel things. Like, I get giddy, but I also want to cry? And, for whatever reason, I start to think of black wings. Not the group of Black Wings, but an actual pair of black wings, feathered and all. So whenever I see guys that remind of Bam, all that just washes over me?” She sighed. “I don’t know; it’s weird.”

The song ended.

And the expression on Satoshi’s face broke her heart.

He turned around quickly before shutting his laptop. Satoshi shot up.

“I need some time to myself,” he muttered before rushing out the door, slamming it behind him.

And she sat there, staring at where he just was, while another upbeat song played from her television.

…

Satoshi returned later that evening to pick up his things before leaving again, citing some excuse about something coming up. She didn’t push him to explain the lie, deciding to give him the space he needed to sort out his emotions.

Risa expected that he would reach out to her within a couple of days. A week at most. But, after the second week of silence from him, she sent him a message before going to his apartment.

He didn’t answer the door when she knocked, but he had given her a spare key so she could let herself in if he wasn’t around. She didn’t want to use it, especially considering where their relationship stood at that moment, but she knew it was safer for her to wait inside.

And if he kicked her out the moment he walked in, then that was that. Their relationship would end because of that unknown demon plaguing Satoshi, and she would have to find a way to get over someone she legitimately wanted to marry one day.

C’est la vie, she supposed. All things had to come to an end one way or another.

“Excuse me,” she whispered, letting herself in. She slipped off her flats, leaving it in the empty spot reserved for her shoes, before walking into the living area.

It was a mess.

Satoshi wasn’t an organized person despite how he presented himself, but he managed to keep his place somewhat tidy if Risa decided to pop in unexpectedly. She tiptoed through piles of books and papers and laundry (whether clean or used, she wasn’t sure), before placing her bag on the countertop.

Risa checked her phone to see if Satoshi had responded to her message, but there was still no reply. She began to clean to pass the time, moving books and papers into cleaner piles based off their topics while she did his laundry.

Midnight had long passed when she finished, and Satoshi still hadn’t returned. He also hadn’t responded to her message. So she stayed up to wait for him, watching dramas on her phone, until sleep finally took her.

…

Risa came to, covered in a blanket, with someone holding her hand.

She leaned over to see Satoshi passed out on the floor, hidden by the other half of the blanket as he held her hand. He frowned before unconsciously tucking himself under the covers.

A smile erupted on Risa’s face, and she squeezed his hand before getting up. She went to the bathroom to tidy up and came out to Satoshi sitting up, eyes squinted, with a pout on his face.

“Why did you leave?” he whined.

“I needed to use the bathroom,” she answered. “When did you come back?”

“Late. Or early?” Satoshi yawned. “I just know the sun was already up.”

“Were you working late?”

“No. I was out with friends. Drinking.” He scrunched his face again. “Shit. My head’s pounding.”

“Well, how much did you drink?”

“A lot.”

She shot him a look. He groaned before climbing onto the sofa, curling up in a ball, and covering himself with the blanket. She chuckled seeing her usually aloof boyfriend act so childish, but this always happened after Satoshi had enough to drink.

(Risa was usually as drunk as Satoshi whenever he got like this. So, instead of watching on in sober amusement, the two of them ended up fawning over each other like lovestruck teenagers.)

“Do you need me to grab anything? To help you sober up?” she asked.

“No. I’ve got instant noodles in the pantry and kimchi in the fridge.”

She recoiled at the combination. “…are you sure?”

“Yeah.” His head poked out of his blanket cocoon. “Can you please prepare the ramen for me?”

“Of course.”

She navigated his kitchen, having made instant noodles for them countless times before. And, while she waited for the pot to boil, she turned around, expecting to see Satoshi tucked back into the blanket.

Instead, she saw him sitting up, looking directly at her with a serious expression on his face, possibly induced by his hangover-induced headache, that was seriously undermined by his ridiculous bed head. Risa cracked a smile.

“Headache’s killing you?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he grumbled. “How’ve you been? These past two weeks?”

“Tired. Stressed.” Risa shrugged. “You know, the usual.”

Satoshi kept his gaze trained on her, as if he was expecting her to say something else. She tilted her head in response, nudging him to continue, but he shook his head.

“It’s nothing,” he assured her. “Can you also get me some water?”

“What about coffee?”

“I’d like to hydrate before I dehydrate myself again.”

Risa filled a mug using the filtered water pitcher on his countertop before handing it to him. He chugged half of it, pausing for a breath, before drinking the rest.

“More water? Or is it time for coffee?”

“…I think coffee can wait for now.”

She refilled the pitcher before bringing it to him. He poured himself some more water before downing yet another mug. When she heard the water boil, Risa added the noodles and seasoning to the pot before setting a timer.

“You’re not making any for yourself?” Satoshi asked.

“I just had some yesterday,” she said. “If I have more today, I’m scared it might ruin my physique.”

“Says the woman who ends up eating more than me whenever we share a meal.”

Risa smiled to herself, relieved to hear the joking lilt in Satoshi’s tone. She took some kimchi out from his fridge and cut it into bite-sized pieces. The timer rang when she finished, and she poured the noodles into a bowl before delivering the food to Satoshi.

He slid off the sofa before eating, punctuating his elegant slurps with the crunch of the kimchi. And Risa sat across from him and admired the way her boyfriend, who usually pecked at his food, devoured the meal like he hadn’t eaten in days.

Although, if Risa had to be honest, there was a chance he probably hadn’t eaten a full meal in a while.

Only when Satoshi finished eating did he break the silence.

“Are you not upset over the fact that I haven’t texted you in two weeks?” he asked. “I figured you’d have some pointed words for me when the moment arose.”

“I know I can get like that sometimes, but I can’t do that to you. Not when I’m sure the whole thing’s been just as hard, if not harder, for you as it has been for me,” Risa answered. “I was actually bracing myself for you to break up with me when I came to your apartment last night.”

Risa’s words made him instinctively reach for her hand across the table. His thumb rubbed circles on her skin in a feeble attempt to comfort her.

“What’s wrong, Satoshi?” she asked. “What’s so terrifying for you that you had to leave my apartment like that? That you had to avoid me for this long? That you’re so scared of us talking about it?”

“…do you love me?”

She pulled away from him before looking down at their now disconnected hands. The centimeter between their fingers was painful enough. But if she saw his usual aloof expression on his face after asking such a loaded question, it would kill her.

How could this man, after all the time they spent together, the long nights spent either pouring their hearts out or cuddling or making love, think that she doesn’t love him? This was the man that she could imagine herself getting married to, and yet he didn’t feel the same?

Were his words about their potential future after graduation just empty promises?

“…how could you ask me that?” she said, feeling the tears bead at the corner of her eyes. “Why…are you asking me that?”

“Because of Bam. Because of all the other guys you’ve looked at that momentarily take you away.”

“But I don’t love them!” Risa could no longer contain her shrill voice. “Just because they’re my type and because I find them attractive doesn’t mean that I don’t love you! You’re—”

Risa’s throat constricted in terror, unable to tell him the words that she wanted him to hear. She felt the grip on her sanity slipping. If he dismissed her words of love as just a passing whimsy, hysteria would overtake her.

“…I know why you like guys like that.”

The shock of his words quelled the flurry of her emotions.  Risa’s head shot up to face him. Satoshi wasn’t even looking at her.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Remember when I met you at that lamppost all those years ago?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. “When you were crying about being unable to remember the person you loved? That person…he looks exactly like your type.”

“How do you know that?”

“Dark Mousy was part of an artwork created by the cursed blood of my ancestors. And when he was sealed away on that fateful day, almost everyone except for a handful of people forgot that he existed—ah, can you hand me that scrap piece of paper and pen?” She did as she was asked. “Thanks.”

Satoshi gingerly took the pen from her hand, careful not to brush against her fingers, before sketching a portrait. And when he finished, despite how rough it looked, Risa’s heart both soared and cried just like it did whenever she saw someone who was her type. How strange it was for something to simultaneously look so familiar and unfamiliar.

“When you were fourteen, you fell in love with this dashingly handsome phantom thief named Dark Mousy, unaware of his true identity. You showered him with your unconditional love, continued to do so despite everything you learned about him, and he eventually reciprocated, falling just as madly in love with you.

“He is your first love.”

A tear rolled down Risa’s face.

She was so overwhelmed with this information, with all those feelings, that it paralyzed her. Satoshi stood up before leaving the peripheries of her view.

“I’ll leave you for a bit to process all that. And, when you’re done, feel free to leave.”

“…where are you going?” she squeaked.

“Out. Don’t wait for me to return.” She heard him slip on his shoes. “If you want to break up with me over this, I completely understand. Take as long as you need to make that decision, alright?” The door swung open. “Goodbye.”

When the door closed behind him, the finality in his farewell hit her. And, only when she was alone in his apartment, did she crumple onto the floor and cry.

…

Satoshi returned to his apartment after yet another long night of drinking with his friends. He abstained from most alcohol this time, unsure if he could contain what occurred earlier were he to get drunk, so he entertained pints of beer until they decided it was time to retire for the day.

Only then did he realize how neat his apartment was.

The piles of laundry that he had no energy to tackle were gone. And his research was piled in neat mounds, out of the way of any foot traffic. He was too preoccupied that morning to even notice what Risa had done for him.

He found a note on the low table, scribbled on the piece of paper that he sketched Dark on.

You’re an idiot and a coward, Satoshi.

I’ve made up my mind. I’ll see you tomorrow to tell you my answer in person.

Risa

Satoshi shook his head.

There was the Risa he knew. However, even he couldn’t tell whether she was joking or being as blunt as she could considering the precarious state of their relationship.

The exhaustion of the day finally caught up with him and Satoshi, one to adhere to his nightly routine, just passed out on the covers of his bed.

…

Satoshi had a dream that night of Risa, at fourteen, standing by that forsaken lamppost. He expected to see her crying, just like she was all those years ago, but she just turned towards him and smiled.

“Why are you crying, Hiwatari-san?” she asked, curious yet kind.

Only then did he feel the warm streak of tears on his cheeks. He stood, frozen, while Risa came up to him and pulled him into a gentle embrace.

“I know it seems like a terrible fate to have forgotten the person you’ve loved to the point that you can’t even put a name or a face to those feelings, but I don’t see it that way. Dark’s a part of my past, and that’s where he’s going to stay. Honestly, it’s a blessing that I have no recollection of him anymore.”

Risa let go of him and wiped the tears from his eyes. “You and I both know how difficult it is to let go of our first loves, but that’s all they were: our first loves. They’re not the people we’re in love with now nor the people we will be love with in the future. I’m still unconsciously holding onto Dark because he’s such an important part of those blindingly beautiful days of my youth. Nothing more.

“But, Satoshi, you’re my present. And I hope that you’ll be my future, so take good care of me, alright?”

Satoshi began to sob, and Risa hugged him once more.

For once, this was a dream that he didn’t want to wake from.

…

Satoshi woke up to banging on his door.

He ignored it, hoping that whoever it was would eventually leave him alone, but the knocks continued. Satoshi got up, anger rising with each step he took to the door, until he swung it open, ready to—it was Risa.

“Are you that upset to see me?” she asked, letting herself in.

“No. Sorry, it’s just—your knocking.”

“Well, someone wasn’t opening up when I was still polite about it,” she sang.

“…I just woke up.”

Risa nodded before plopping down on his sofa. “So, are you ready for my answer?”

“Honestly, I’m a bit scared. You’ll either give me some of the best or worst news I’ve heard in a while, and your current nonchalance is not reassuring in the slightest.”

“Ye of little faith.”

“Do you know how terrifying your cheerfulness can be?”

Her dulcet laugh filled his living room for what may or may not be the last time. And when she finished, she grinned which, unfortunately, was scarier than if she was taking this seriously.

“Marry me, Satoshi.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Well, I was trying to come up with something super romantic that would hopefully let you know how much I love you, but this was all I got. It’s corny and cheesy, right?”

“Risa, you’re not the one who’s supposed to be proposing.”

She rolled her eyes. “Woman have just as much of a right to propose in a relationship as a man does.”

“Yes, I’m aware, but that’s not the issue at hand right now.”

“Then what is?”

“We are far from financially stable to even think of a wedding right now. Completing our dissertations come first. Besides, we don’t even have a ring, so—”

“I know, Satoshi. I know,” she said. “Marriage is so far off that I shouldn’t even be thinking about it right now, but I’m telling you that I want to marry you because I see a future with you. That I love you so much that, right now, I can’t imagine anyone else by my side for the rest of my life. I love you so much more than you think I love that Dark guy, and I will continue to love you as best as I can for as long as I’m alive.

“The official proposal and marriage can wait until we’re ready. But, right now, I’m letting you know that I’m choosing you. I’m choosing you today, and I will continue to choose you tomorrow. Ad infinitum.”

This was playing so similarly to his dream the night before that he couldn’t believe the words coming out of Risa’s mouth. He had to be dreaming.

“Pinch me.”

She complied. Her sharp nails dug into his skin.

“So this isn’t a dream…”

“I’m offended that you thought my sweeping confession was a dream.”

“No, it’s just—I had dream similar to this last night. I wanted to make sure this was reality.”

“You’re just saying that because you think that’s what I want to hear.”

“No, I’m being serious.”

Satoshi took her hands in his. And, feeling the warmth of her skin through his palms, he began to tear up.

“I love you, too, Risa. And, when that times comes, I will get down on one knee with a ring of your liking to ask for your hand in marriage because I don’t want to imagine a future without you by my side. For now, all I can say is that I will continue to choose you today, and I will continue to choose you tomorrow. Ad infinitum.”

Risa pulled Satoshi into a hug, rubbing his back. “If my husband-to-be is already crying telling me how much he loves me now, how will he fare when he has to do it in front of all our loved ones?”

“He will cry just as much, if not more, in front of an audience because he cannot believe he gets to spend the rest of his life with someone like you.”

Their hands cupped their lover’s face. With their eyes locked onto each other, they had the perfect opportunity to seal their love with a kiss. But they didn’t.

Risa beamed, her delight so infectious that Satoshi, with his most content smile, just leaned his forehead on hers while his tears kept falling. She kept tutting about her emotional boyfriend as she giggled and wiped his tears away. That feeling of comfort, of safety, of their physical closeness, of their emotional intimacy, was love.

It was their love.

And it was one of the few things that the infamous phantom thief, Dark Mousy, and the cursed Hikari blood in his veins, couldn’t take from them.  

[scottykarve]

About a month ago, I took a trip to Australia and met up with Ted while he was in the ward. I, against the instruction of the staff, recorded our interaction, but the audio was completely garbled. Gibberish to anyone but Ted and I, probably. Don’t use a spy pen from a happy meal if you plan to actually hear it back. Luckily, with my supreme memory assisted by what little I could hear, I was able to write out this thing. I guess transcribing audio logs is all tumblr’s good for? I wasn’t going to post it, but Ted was right, someone can probably make use of anything. So here, if this connects any dots, use it.

[Clicking sound, audio starts. Bitcrushed throughout, with intermittent loud plasticky sounds.]

Ted: Uh.

Me: Hi. Scott, um, karvingwood. Scott Kulver. I decoded the shit on the blog.

Ted: Right, right.. You- you’re American, though. How did you-?

Me: It was an expensive flight. Can I ask you some questions?

Ted: [pause, slightly incredulous huff] Slow down, I think I have some questions first? How did you find me? Why did you find me?

Me: Oh, easy, I asked the Star person on your tumblr. I needed to talk to you, so if I could just?- [the ‘wub wub’ sound paper makes when you flap it]

Ted: Fine, get on with it.

Me: Thanks. So, firstly- [pause, reading from notes I had] … Um, in ‘January’, the video doesn’t glitch when [hesitation] the Tall Guy’s around. What’s up with that?

Ted: I cou-

Me: Talk into the pen please.

Ted: Is that a mic-? ..eh, okay. I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t edit the video. Mmmaybe it had something to do with Virus? That was the first time I’d filmed meeting Him with the mask on. Maybe it interfered, or He just chose not to corrupt it.. Who knows.

Me: Okay, cool. Speaking of Virus, what is it like wearing, uh, him?

Ted: Like a buff in a video game. Invincibility or immunity or something. I don’t get tired, I don’t need to eat, I can be in His presence without feeling sick. It catches up when I take it off, but..

Me: When orr where did you get it?

[six seconds of silence]

Me: Oookay. New line of questions. When did you start seeing Ezra?

Ted: I was 18, so, uh.. God, must’ve been 2022? Early in the year. Kit recommended I ask to see her when I was getting diagnosed with depression. Said she was a great listener, stopped listening when they turned 20, for some reason, so they stopped going. Always felt like there might’ve been more to it. I wasn’t having the same issues, so I just.. kept seeing her.

Me: Kit.. I like the Murphys. Nice ride over.

Ted: Wh- you met them?

Me: Oh, yeah, Kit drove me here. Might see Freyja tonight. We saw a cat on the way, cute black one with just the biggest moon eyes. Reminded me of your little lady. Anyways,-

[quiet huff/sigh noise from Ted]

Me: -speaking of Ezra, [gesturing at arm] what’s the symbol been doing for you?

Ted: Fuck all, as far as I’m concerned. He shows up more frequently than I remember, but that’s probably just because the.. Yknow. Things keep on dropping. He’s like a vulture, just… showing up when something dies to take it.

Me: Mm. And your arm, how is it? Healing up?

Ted: It’s.. fine, I guess. The nurses replaced the bandages to make sure it can heal properly.

Me: Sick, good. That’d be a sweetass scar, but yknow. So the staff’s been treating you fine, I take it.

Ted: There’s a group of nurses I really don’t vibe with, but they keep their distance if I’m not alone.

Me: Makes sense. So, um, on the subject of bodies. [voice lowers] How did you start with the sacrifices?

Ted: [sound of chair scooting back] Jesus christ, say that any louder?

Me: Sorry.

Ted: [voice also lowers] …Look, I’m not going to give you advice on culty killing sprees or anything. The first one was an accident. Kind of. A bird. Swung at it, killed it, and when I found it in my suitcase of all places.. I offered it up, and He sure as shit showed up to take it.

Me: Mm. Has He showed up at all while you’ve been here?

Ted: Yeah, a few times. A few patients, uh.. [lowering voice again] A few nurses have died since I’ve been here. Not my work, I swear to god, but He’s taking them like they’re more sacrifices. Lucky me. There, um.. Three of them. Clearly not natural causes, either. One’s head was caved in, one had their throat slit, and.. And one was bleeding from the face. Something isn’t right here but if I can keep my head down I can get the fuck outta here. Last thing I need is to end up like them.

Me: I’d break you out if I could. [soft laugh]. Well, thanks for, um, your honesty. [chair scooting back sound] It was nice to meet you, Ted! [sound of notebook closing] I’m sure we’ll be-

[clicking sound, audio end]

[wellthatwasaletdown]

Hi this is about where Harry said about a flat tummy. It was in Heat magazine in the UK in 2011. It was a print article and not online - but I’ve linked a contemporaneous tumblr quote of it. There’s also some tumblrs reacting to the interview at that time.

He’s asked his favourite body part on a girl and he said “a flat smooth stomach is always nice”. He also mentions that most of his girl friends have been blonde, but a good brunette is always nice.

It’s so funny to read the older, non guarded, interviews. He comes across as cheesy, cringy and not a gender neutral pronoun in sight.

##########

Thanks, anon. Your link was to another blog, and I didn't want to send trolls there. I looked for another source but couldn't find one, so I'm just going to paste the transcript here. If anyone remembers this interview or has a link to it somewhere else, please provide it.

Also, massive grain of salt. It is a transcript of an interview that was supposedly done with Heat Magazine. The original blog who transcribed it deactivated in 2012:

Heat interview with Harry Styles... WEEK FIVE

Heat: What's your nickname?

Harry: Curly.

Heat: Loves?

Harry: Sleep and food. I like fine dining, like at The Ivy - the shepherd's pie there is unbelievable.

Heat: Hates?

Harry: Smoking, drugs, Niall's farting.

Heat: Favourite position?

Harry: Missionary? No, I'm joking.

Heat: Describe yourself naked in just three words...

Harry: A bit disappointing.

Heat: If you were invisible for the day what would you do?

Harry: I'd like to say something cool, but I'd probably run into a girls' changing room at least once.

Heat: Blonde, brunette or redhead?

Harry: Any, really. Most of my girlfriends have been blonde, but a good brunette is always nice.

Heat: Legs, boobs or bum?

Harry: All of them. But I'm more into legs and bums.

Heat: Skinny or curvy?

Harry: Curvy, so there's more to grab on to!

Heat: When did you have your first kiss and who was it with?

Harry: I can't actually remember... I think it was with a girl at school when I was 11.

Heat: Do you have any distinguishing marks on your body?

Harry: I've got four nipples. I think I must have been a twin, but the other one went away and left its nipples behind.

Heat: When were you last naked?

Harry: This morning after my shower, then twice afterwards. [Smiles.] I like these questions - they're a lot more daring then we're used to.

Heat: Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

Harry: I don't know. I do quite like having a girlfriend as it's nice to have someone to spoil.

Heat: Have you ever dumped anyone by text or e-mail?

Harry: If I said "no", I feel like I would be lying. I think I've done it on the phone.

Heat: What's your favourite part of a girl's body?

Harry: Well, a flat, smooth stomach is always nice.

Heat: Where would you take heat on a date?

Harry: Wherever heat would like to go. Maybe we'd go to The Ivy as the food's nice there and it's got a good atmosphere.

Heat: And what would we have for pudding?

Harry: I don't know. Whatever "afters" she'd let me [give her]!

Heat: Rate yourself out of ten for looks, personality and sense of humour...

Harry: For looks, I'll give myself a generous seven. Personality-wise, I'll go for eight, because I'm a hoot! I have an extremely morbid tone, which is very good for being sarcastic. [Laughs.] And as far as a sense of humour goes, I'll give myself a nine.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Do you recommend any jikook blogs? Maybe someone who doesn’t write books trying to prove they are a couple and calls non-believers homophobic

Someone chill who simply likes to talk about them

This is a loaded question, anon. You know it. I feel like I'm about to open Pandora's box. I'll try and be as fair and diplomatic as possible.

The benefits of free speech and having a platform to express our opinions is something that should be cherished. The more diverse the community is, the better. It means there's a wide sprectrum of thought, less chances of having a cult mentality and so on. This is an ideal situation and far from reality. And to talk more specifically about jikook bloggers here, you'd only have had to scroll through the tag in the last year or so to see cliques and conflicts all over the place. It's not uncommon and watching it from the side, reading all the arguments painted a dark picture but quite realistic. There's a need for conformism. It doesn't matter if one runs away from it, at some point or another, it reaches that same conclusion.

I'm someone who always stood outside, looking in in the context of this community here. I'd tag my posts from time to time, but I kept my independence. Mostly because I didn't have a jikook-focused blog, nor will I, despite me talking more freely now about the topic.

People's blogs are a reflection of themselves, of their affinities and also their abilities. Each of us likes one or another, depending on what we're looking for. We also tend to judge people for what and how they express their opinions. It's not unusual. We're a judgy species, despite sometimes trying really hard to appear the opposite of it.

Some bloggers have as a purpose demonstrating the relationship is real and that is their entire focus. Others like to write a long summary of events or basically transcribe into text what they see in video format (a succesful formula here on tumblr from what I could tell). Some people can come up with really good arguments against ridiculous statements. And sometimes they get lost in the argument because it's unstructured in some almost 300-400 word answer. All of it gets repetitive too. I've seen fun bloggers with a good sense of humor and some big dosage of delusion. Hey, sometimes we can and should be clowns. But not to the point of absurdity.

The fact that all of that exists is in theory a good thing. But a lot of those blogs are also becoming platforms built on allowing space for weirdos to set up camp in the community. From taekookers and crazy solo stans. I understand the need of having a good comeback and tearing apart their asks, but as much as that brings temporary satisfaction, on the long run it ruins the entire vibe. For a long time, that's all I could read about each time I would check the tag. It was infested and instead of fighting against it, it only grew bigger and bigger because those anons got the validation simply by being aknowledged.

You're asking for chill blogs. I think that's a rare occurence now and not really the current phase of jikook blogging. Maybe I'm wrong and I don't know the community well enough, I admit that's a possibility. I do remember a time when it used to be like that. Back when writing about jikook was sometimes combined with a pop culture perspective. Looking at it through a variety of lenses. That made me as a reader definitely interested. That was fun blogging. Now it's all way too serious or honestly? Boring. At least in terms of writing. That's one aspect that holds quite an importance for me. I still check the majority of active blogs, whether I'm a fan or not. I like to be informed, but that's it.

I'm not sure I can answer your question though. I don't see tumblr as the platform for what you want. There's higher chances of finding that on twitter. Sometimes I find accounts with no mentions of any drama, just fun, adult posting.

But I am going to mention two blogs though. Simply because they caught my attention. It's not about me considering them better, but in the current landscape, I found myself enjoying scrolling through them. Minggukieology provides some great cultural context and translation and I'd say it's in the same category as Dalloga. There's also ggulmul. I could be mistaken, but I think it's a more recent blog. I liked the attitude displayed in the blogger's answers. There was a sort of elegance in the way they responded and the appearance at least of a lack of chronic online presence. It's usually evident in the way a person expresses their thoughts.

All of what I wrote is based on mostly what is evident from the blogs which utilize the jikook tag. Others daily while some do it rarely, but are still known presences in the community. There's also a few who do not do that so who knows what is out there?

As a last thought, sometimes I would find myself scrolling through a random blog that had some kpop posting, but it wasn't fandom or ship focused. And from time to time, they would reblog a gifset or a jikook photo and they would put their thoughts into the tag. No agenda, no need to demonstrate or disprove anything. Sometimes small stuff like "boyfriend behavior" or "the gays are at it again", etc., in typical tumblr language. And then they'd move on and have like 5-10 reblogs about some archeological site or some historical event. Whatever. It was casual. I always wanted that vibe. Being outside of fandom discourse allows some type of freedom in which no one comes and harasses you in the inbox because you don't agree with a theory.

[lavenoon]

Send help 💀

I've been trying to read all the info but I'm not even done with your tumbler info link post 😂

I might just jump and read the ao3.

Love your work by the way♡

Oh lord yeah there's a lot on tumblr, but I haven't added the last bits to the Crumbs on ao3! The last masterlist update I think is all the stuff that isn't on ao3 yet gfhdjs

I'm not sure I'd recommend being like Gregory, given that he's been adopted by a Fez agent, and basically gave him no choice in the matter - though actually. Waltzing in and just making themself at home would honestly work, probably. Like "hey does anyone know who that is?" "No I thought you knew?" "No, who hired them?" "Idk man but they've been getting paychecks for 3 months now and no one's complained" fjksfds

Dusk and Dawn: Oh no, they're hiring kids now! [buffering for a minute as they realize the agency hired Eclipse when he was about the equivalent of a human late teen/ at best like early 20s] Dusk and Dawn: nvm this is normal apparently

Love the audiologs, there's probably team ups to transcribe those too! Like someone from the command center or an archivist who'd just pick up the logs and write everything out for easy access, with timestamps for important bits/ like headers if Radler themself needs to check up on things!

Also damn, got a tracker in their neck and no elaboration, plus that arm? Well, if they work with Horizon they at least have an expert on replacing arms right there GFDHSJ

I love your sona!! Thank you for sharing, and continue going wild hehe!!

[where-theres-smoak-2]

https://www.tumblr.com/icarusinstatic/735208491404410880/the-last-episode-showed-sylvie-was-fine-without?source=share

Ok… This whole thing is killing me. So, I already apologized to the person in the post who had followed, explaining why I was losing patience :

https://www.tumblr.com/darklinaforever/734300517580341248/pretty-messed-up-to-tell-someone-to-kill?source=share

Pour aller plus loin, à force de recevoir des messages polis ou pas polis (voire carrément insultants) de personnes qui tentent d'expliquer que vous avez mal compris la relation canoniquement amoureuse de la série (car oui, c'est le cas, que cela vous plaise ou non) ) eh bien, au bout d'un moment, la personne qui reçoit ce genre de messages s'effondre et peut elle-même se montrer impolie, ce qui arrive généralement parfois aux êtres humains, et peut-être pas du tout. le moment le plus propice, c'est vrai. Mais c'est comme ça. Parfois, cela tombe sur telle ou telle personne.

But beyond that, I'm going to say the same thing I said to this person. A gif is there to transcribe an emotion and generally exaggerate it. When we use a gif where we get angry and break things, it doesn't literally mean that we really want to and are going to throw things and break them. No. It’s there to express our anger in an extrapolated way. Nothing more. Same goes for this damn gif. There is a huge difference between writing directly to a person to commit suicide (which I already received for shipping a ship) and sending a gif where this is written with a person who does not seem at all serious in what she says. Essentially it simply transcribes the desire for the person to remain silent. I can't even believe that this gif could cause a person to be outraged, when literally it shows in the gif that this thing isn't serious for a single second?! But I don't even see why I would bother to explain such an obvious thing, especially when one of the two people explains that they support the harassment of part of a fandom ?!

Also, I can't speak for all platforms, but for tumblr, I have to say that I have never seen a single Sylki be the first to be mean to another person in the fandom. What I saw were Sylki complaining that the pro Lokius/other, and anti Sylki, were not putting the right tags on their posts, parasitizing this Sylki part of the fandom, which is a perfectly valid complaint.

Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I think.

This one is a difficult one because on the one hand I do understand what you are saying about reaction gifs being used to convey a feeling in a very exaggerated way, like I've posted gifs of a woman hysterically crying on the floor to convey my feelings over a ship but obviously that was an over exaggeration, I myself wasn't actually heaped on the floor in tears. So I understand that your intention behind the gif was to convey your frustration and anger and to basically tell the person to go away and shut up. I can also understand why you'd be frustrated and angry, antis are relentless when it comes to mis-tagging and jumping into the inboxes of sylki shippers and commenting on their posts trying to gaslight them into thinking sylki isn't real, its getting to the point where it feels like a daily occurance, I myself sometimes struggle to keep my annoyance in check.

On the other hand, unfortunately I can understand why your intentions behind the gif may be misinterpreted by others. It's a sensitive topic and one that can be very triggering to some, unfortunately there are some out there who do say and mean this type of thing, as you yourself has experienced. So I can also understand that, whilst it may not have been your intention, the person was upset, angry and hurt because they didn't understand that you weren't being serious about the gif, so to them it seemed like you were being aggressive and hateful, I think this is a case of miscommunication and the important part is that you did apologise.

As for the reblogger I feel like this person may need to take a step back or take a breather, I feel like if the sight of a pro sylki ship is making you physically sick and you can openly admit to wanting sylki shippers to be harassed you've got a bit too invested and I don't know, it doesn't sound very healthy. I do also feel like they were using the gif you posted as a way to justify their own negative feelings towards sylki shippers.

I do also agree with you that, from what I have personally seen here on tumblr, in the main loki tag it is common to see posts hating on sylki and their shippers and just general negativity towards the ship. Whereas sylkis seem to post about two things, sylki and asking antis to tag their shit properly. Just today I blocked yet another account that was posting negativity in the sylki tag. It is also getting a bit ridiculous how often they will come into sylkis inboxes because sylki have posted a positive post about their ship, in their tag and some anti doesn't like it. The harsh truth is that if antis stayed out of sylkis' inboxes miscommunications like this wouldn't happen in the first place. But my unsolicited advice to you would be to just be careful what gifs you post in the future, not only to avoid anymore miscommunications that may result in hurt feelings but because you don't want to give them more ammunition against you, because they will use whatever they can, and it'll only open you up to more harassment.

[allylikethecat]

Writing asks I came up with:

1. What got you into writing fanfic in the first place?

2. What boundaries would you not cross as a writer regarding content?

3. Has a fic ever made you cry? And if so, what was it about that fic?

4. How do you feel about abandoning fics?

5. Are there any novel authors you like that have influenced your writing style?

YAY!! Asks!! Thank you so much for coming up with these! Get exciting for me to ramble and overshare (but do you expect anything less?!)

What got you into writing fanfic in the first place?

I have been writing fanfic since before I was even old enough to know what it really was. I was always day dreaming and drawing pictures inserting my own characters into my favorite stories, or forcing my favorite characters into my own situations (my mother used to transcribe the adventures of various Disney princess for me lol) the first *real* fanfiction I remember writing was in 5th grade for the book Eragon. My childhood best friend and I had a red spiral bound notebook that we passed back and forth and wrote our fic in. In terms of The 1975- I've been a fan of theirs since the Robbers music video started showing up on my Tumblr dash back in like 2014? (I couldn't figure out who I wanted to be more... Matty or the Robbers girl and years later I still in fact do not have an answer for that one lol) And I realized they were the same band that sang the song Chocolate. However, I didn't start posting my writing for them until last year when I was Going Through It™️ and my Bestie encouraged me to use it as an outlet (sorry Fictional!Matty! that's why your life sucks!)

2. What boundaries would you not cross as a writer regarding content?

I don't think I've actually killed off any *main* character or public figure yet and I can't actually see myself doing that? At least in something that I post for public consumption? Honestly that could change though. I don't really have any boundaries I'm not willing to cross because I am a firm believer that fanfiction is still considered art and art is supposed to make someone feel something and even make them uncomfortable. I actually have a fic that I've been working on that I'm hesitant to share because I'm not sure boundaries exist and I don't want to offend anyone (again) 😂

3. Has a fic ever made you cry? And if so, what was it about that fic?

This question isn't fair. I am a cryer, everything makes me cry. I started crying the other day because I love my horse so much (he's totally fine he was just looking super cute and was all happy I brought him carrots.) So yes, lots of fics have made me cry. Anything that I read that I can tell the author poured their heart into writing is honestly going to make me at least tear up and I am not ashamed to admit it. That's why I don't wear mascara on my lower lashes and only wear waterproof eyeliner 😂

4. How do you feel about abandoning fics?

I've only officially done it once, for a Hockey RPF fic that I just, wasn't enjoying working on. Everything else is just on "Hiatus" until I remember it exists again even if it takes years. I don't consider myself a quitter and abandoning a fic that I've started posting kind of breaks my soul. HOWEVER I do have a folder on my Google Drive that's just a graveyard of abandoned and half finished fics that I never posted that I go and visit sometimes.

5. Are there any novel authors you like that have influenced your writing style?

Yes! For sure 100%. However, I am currently sitting here going "I have never read a book before in my life" which is obviously a bold face lie you should see my GoodReads page but not really because there is a ton of my real life personal information on it lol Even though he's not (technically) a novelist (even though he did write a book!) can I say Pete Wentz? He's probably one of the writers I look up to the most. The way he bends words to pen lyrics just... scratch an itch in my brain and I hope I can one day make someone feel the way Fall Out Boy lyrics make me feel and I 100% feel like the flowery way he writes has influenced my to some capacity.

Thank you so much for sending these in! It was fun!

❤️Ally

[smol-grey-tea]

Hi! Sorry if this is a bit weird but I recently finished Nameless and have been trying to find more content of it because I love it so much, and came across your Tumblr. I've been reading your posts on the game and I especially like your one post talking about Yuri because you put into words what I couldn't. Thank you! I also really love that you're transcribing Nameless into a book! I was wondering if you want some help with that because I cannot get over this game and am planning to go through it all over again

Hi (●’◡’●)ﾉ!!!! This isn't weird at all, it is very very appreciated!!! 😁😁😁😁 I'm always glad to see anyone who loves Nameless, new or old :3 if you want more content of it, I do recommend the dlcs!! ^^ I'm very glad you love my own Nameless content!!! 😊😊 it means a lot to me :)

Yes, Yuri is such a fascinating character!! I have more to write about him and others, there really should be more Nameless essay content imo!! I am doing the Lord's work here!! 😂

Transcribing it has been such a passion for me recently, I like that it gives me a sense of purpose, so I'm very glad people like the idea of it!!! But some of it is difficult yes, and I would appreciate some help 🤔ᴴᴹ

I've already completed Eri, Lance and Yeonho's books, but before I can do anything else with them, they'll all need to be proofread. I've attempted to proofread Eri's before but rereading shit that I've already written, especially for the purpose of looking for mistakes, is actually so. Fucking. Boring. My mom's tried to but she never has the time either, so she can't..

I'm rly not sure how to get someone to proofread it but I think it'd cost a lot of money?? 😦😬 ouch.. So if there's any way you could help with that, that'd be very much appreciated!

After they're proofread ik I want them to have pretty covers :) my dad told me to make the covers myself but, (￣ヘ￣）ᵁᴹᴹ no 😂😂 I think I want them properly done, but preferably by someone who's already a fan of Nameless. I have a couple different people in mind for commissioning the covers but if you'd like to make them, please don't be shy!! We can definitely talk more in depth about stuff in dms if you'd like!! :) ^^

After they've all been proofread and such, I can I think get them self published on Amazon? It should be for sale both digital and physical but I would highly prefer for people to buy it physically since that's the whole point I'm making it

The more time passes, the more anti-digital I am.. It's about media preservation. Streaming services can pull your favourite shows or movies at the drop of a hat, just because they don't bring in enough profit, not to mention the strikes lately. If buying isn't really owning, then piracy isn't stealing. I'm growing to appreciate physical media so so so much more.

I love Nameless so so much, it is my biggest passion in life, that's no exaggeration. It's highly unlikely, but if it was ever unavailable to play, for whatever reason, I don't know what I would do.. I don't care if Cheritz throws copyright issues my way, I am determined to commit this game to a physical copy. To actually touch the pages and display them in my room and keep them forever.

So that's why I'm doing it. I do still of course plan on releasing it digitally, and will always keep the 1st chapters of each book public, but releasing it as physical copies is the reason why I'm doing it in the first place, so I'd really love if people would enjoy them physically :)

In the meantime! On the subject of Nameless merch, I do recommend (￣ヘ￣）ᵁᴹᴹ @/nocturnal-lullabies because they've made their own Nameless merch before as well! I'm not sure if their old stuff is still available but they've said recently that they wanna start doin merch again, so keep an eye out for any new posts of theirs! :)