#but then someone asks all these questions about the quicksand and you're *forced* to look at it and think about how long you've been stuck

[cesium-sheep]

ah shit that's part of why it's so fuckin hard. not only is the trauma of chronic illness inherently tied to the trauma of military service for me, it's also just. I've been too fucking sick to think about it. not just the past couple years, for a very long time. and I had to tear down into all of that today.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

You're Just Like Quicksand

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Batman Beyond

Summary: Jason Todd is ready to go into semi-retirement after fifteen years working with troubled youth, but one case in particular forces him to confront the sins of his youth and painful memories from his past.

Chapters: 10/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Terry McGinnis, Warren McGinnis, Mary McGinnis, Matt McGinnis, Bruce Wayne, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): TBA

Additional Tags: Protective Jason Todd, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Retired Jason Todd, Multiple POV, Hurt/Comfort, Parent-Child Relationships, Canon Divergent AU, Angst, Mourning Jason Todd

Chapter Ten: Responsibility (Terry McGinnis' POV)

Jason picked me up from school with his granddaughter in the backseat. “Want cookies?” she asked as she passed me a bag. 

“Thanks,” I replied as I took it from her. “I’m Terry. What’s your name?” 

“Avery-Marie Todd,” she answered. 

“Avery-Marie Prescott Todd. Two first names. One middle,” Jason explained, “How was school?” 

“It was alright,” I replied, glancing out the window. Dana waved at me. I raised a hand and smiled. 

“Friend of yours?” Jason asked. 

“Something like that,” I smiled. Jason chuckled. 

“Pretty lady,” Avery-Marie replied. 

“Avie,” Jason laughed. I covered my mouth. “Terry, I have a meeting on Friday, so I won’t be able to pick you up from school… I haven’t had the chance to talk to your parents. If they can’t work something out, I can ask to do it over the phone.”

“I don’t wanna cause any trouble—.” 

“Nuh-uh. No one’s any trouble. If you can—. Actually, I can work something out if you can help me with something. Do you have a test or something on Friday?” Jason questioned. I checked my phone and shook my head. “Call your dad. I want to run something by him.” 

I obeyed, calling my dad while Avery-Marie made horse noises with her lips. “Avie, Grandpa has to call Terry’s dad… Can you whisper all the shapes you remember?” Jason asked. Avery-Marie gasped. “I’ll give you a hint. The first shape has three sides and is shaped like a pizza slice.” 

“Triangle… Square…” Avery-Marie whispered while my dad answered the phone. 

“Terry, what’s wrong?” Dad asked. 

“Oh no, sorry, Warren. I wanted to run something by you. Terry has no tests on Friday, and I have a meeting with the mayor about the program. Would it be alright with you if I picked Terry up an hour early to get there on time? And it’ll save me the trouble of looking for someone to watch my granddaughter for me,” Jason suggested. 

“Well, Terry’s grades are much better than they’ve been in a while… So, I guess it’s okay. I’ll let the office know you’ll be there on Friday,” Dad replied. I grinned. “And Terry… Keep up the good work. I’ll see you later on.”

“Alright, Dad. Thanks,” I smiled. Dad hung up, and Jason drove to his house. I turned around to see why Avery-Marie was so quiet, and she lay fast asleep in the backseat. 

“It puts her to sleep every time,” Jason chuckled, “And don’t worry, Terry. I’ll pay you for watching Avery. She always naps at three no matter what. You don’t have to do any wind-down, Avie’s gonna drop within twenty minutes, and the only thing that can wake her up is if you move her.” 

“Jason? Why didn’t you tell me you had a grandkid?” I questioned. Jason chewed his lip.

“I don’t see her often. We had a family emergency, so she’ll be with me for the foreseeable future… How’re you doing? Any pain?” Jason asked. 

“I’m alright… I’m sore, but I’ll live,” I answered. Jason glanced at me. “What?” 

“Terry, I’m not your parents. I’m not a social worker or a PO. I’m your mentor. Being concerned for you is my job. I was there… I saw,” Jason replied. 

“I had an honest conversation with my dad. He told me he was scared… And I told him I wasn’t. I can’t explain, but I know I’m not afraid. I got slagged, but it was the best thing ever for my dad and me. I love my dad, and I—. Jason, my mom asked if I was gonna die… I told her no… And I meant it,” I confessed. 

“Hm… It’s the adrenaline. When I was your age, I was a thrillseeker, too… The problem was deeper than that, though. I was depressed and didn’t care if I lived or died. That’s how it was for me. Maybe, you miss the thrill of being in a gang. I don’t know… You have to find out why you feel like that,” Jason whispered. I felt a lump in my throat. It was the first time I ever felt scared of myself. 

“Am I killing my parents?” I mumbled as tears streamed down my cheeks. Jason pulled over. 

“Hey… Hey, Terry. Your parents love you so much. This is why—. Terry, therapy can help you unpack some of these issues. It might help you figure out what’s ticking inside you, so you don’t self-destruct. Your parents raised good kids. I wouldn’t trust you with my granddaughter if I thought otherwise,” Jason reassured me. He gave me a tissue. “I know I keep harping on therapy, but it could help you.”

“Why did you stop going?” I asked. I didn’t want to hurt him like I did last time. I was curious.

“I couldn’t unpack everything yet. I wasn’t ready… I’m getting there, but I’m scared. You want help. I can recommend someone. I know her personally, and I know she cares,” Jason whispered, “Your dad thinks it’s a good idea, but I told him not to force it. What do you think? Should I float you her information?” I nodded. 

**

I fell asleep while I waited for my dad to pick me up, and I woke up to Avery-Marie curled up under my arm, reading a book. “Hey,” I mumbled. Avery-Marie glanced up at me. 

“I not finished,” Avery-Marie replied.  Jason chuckled. I ran a hand over my face and laughed. 

“Sorry, continue,” I replied. She finished the book and patted my knee.

“Okay,” Jason smiled, “Avie, get ready to tell Terry bye-bye. We’ll see him tomorrow.” 

“Aww!” Avery-Marie frowned. “Terry stay.” 

I dug through my backpack and gave Avery-Marie a toy from the bottom. “Avery, can you—?”

“Avery is Daddy,” Avery-Marie interrupted, “I’m Avie.” 

“Okay, Avie… Can you hold onto this for me until tomorrow?” I asked. She pressed the buttons on it, watching as it lit up. “Oh wait…” I pulled another out of my bag. “I have this one. So, if you push a button on that one, I can see it on this one.” 

Avery-Marie lit up and nodded. “What do we say, Sweetpea?” Jason asked. 

“Thank you!” Avery-Marie smiled. 

My dad called and I went to the door. Avery-Marie grabbed my hand. “Bye-bye,” Avery-Marie smiled.

“Bye-bye, Avie. Thanks for reading to me today,” I answered. 

Jason’s advice weighed on me. So, I talked to my dad about it when we got home. “What do you think?” I asked. 

“I didn’t think you’d be open to it. I can call and get you an appointment… Are you okay?” Dad asked. I nodded. 

“I just—. I don’t want you and Mom worrying about me. I wanna stay out of trouble… And I want you to believe me when I tell you I’m done with all that,” I answered. 

“I do… I believe you, Terry,” Dad replied, “I’m glad you wanted to talk to me. I don’t worry as much when you take the time to explain your feelings to me.” We went silent for an uncomfortably long time, and Dad cleared his throat.

“Did you um—? Did you—? What kind of grandparent is Jason? Am I the only person who can’t imagine him as a grandpa?” Dad asked. I chuckled.

“It’s weird how he’s still schway with a grandkid. It doesn’t take away from anything. I knew he had kids, but I couldn’t imagine him with a toddler,” I replied, “Oh, and thanks for being cool about Friday.” 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s whatever. It’s Friday. That’s no big deal,” Dad answered, “And I talked to Jason a few days ago about giving you more responsibility and taking a step back.” It felt like everything took a turn for the better.

[alexiafeyblogpost]

RISE OF THE ASHES 8/? (Alexia AU)

February 23, 11:56 a.m. – District Court, Defendants' Courtroom No. 2

In the lobby, Ema is sitting on the sofa. Alexia is standing, while she is drinking a black coffee, without sugar, as it should be.

"Miss Fey?" Ema calls insecure.

"What's wrong, Kitten?" Alexia says turning to look at the girl.

"The trials... are always like this with you?" Ema asks. "It is like you're swimming from the bottom of a lake, about to reach the surface... but no matter how hard you swim, you never seem to get there...?"

Alexia nods. "To sum up, sort of. But it seems as if we are swimming in quicksand today." She sits next to the scientist. "But putting that aside, where did your sister go?"

"Apparently she was called to the judge's room," Ema replies. "I think it's about the piece of fabric."

"It's the safest thing to assume. After all, it was thanks to that that we managed to extend the trial a little longer." Alexia murmurs, before taking another sip of her coffee.

"This is where we turn this trial around, right?" asks Ema hopefully. "Maybe this small, insignificant piece of fabric is the key!"

Fey sighs exhausted. "Honestly, I'm the one who feels small and insignificant."

Ema cringes slightly, before moving to hug the lawyer. Hug that was answered with one with one arm by Alexia. She genuinely needs this hug...

"Hello, Bambinas!" Someone greets them coming to them.

Alexia, who is the one who separated from the hug, responds; "Hello, Officer Marshall."

"They say that if you show a red cloth to a bull, it will get angry! Or that's what I was told when I was young.." Marshall says, adjusting his hat.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Marshall?" Ema asks curiously.

He shrugs. "I thought I'd come and take a look and see how the trial is going. Moreover, it seems that I am late. They have the place closed with more force than a fort in enemy territory!"

"That's how hard it is to sneak out, huh?" Alexia comments, looking sideways at Ema. Before returning his gaze to the officer. “What's going on there in the police department anyway? All the uniformed men I've seen these last two days have been really nervous."

Marshall lets out a small half-hearted laugh. "Don't worry about us, bambina. You already have enough on your plate to worry about. Like a certain lady's taste for scarves, for example."

"What do you mean?" Ema grimaces. "The scarf thing wasn't about exhausts: I wasn't even wearing one!"

"Come to think of it, why did she take it off?" Alexia murmurs thoughtfully.

Marshall takes off his hat. "A good question. In fact, she wore her scarf that day, at the award ceremony. I think Edgeworth himself saw it."

"That means Ms. Starr wasn't wrong in what she saw," Alexia says, cold sweat running down the back of her neck.

The cowboy looks towards the doors. "Well, it's about time." He looks at them. "Remember, bambina, sometimes you have to grab the bull by the horns... And sometimes you just have to let the bull go where it wants. Time will tell!"

"(I have a bad feeling about this.)” Alexia thinks worriedly.

"Miss Fey, what are we swimming in now?" Ema asks.

"(In shit, Ema. In shit...)” Alexia thought frustrated.

"If it's Bistec sauce, I can make you some thin ribs!" He throws his hat in the air. "Ooh-wee!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

February 23, 12:32 p.m. – District Court, Courtroom No. 9

With a blow of the mallet, the trial resumes. "Without further ado... I would like... resume...?" Oh, it seemed like that...

"What's going on? The judge stares at the bench of the accusation." Alexia murmurs, before directing her gaze there.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Edgeworth? Your face is blue, your lips are purple, you're sweating profusely! That frown, those gnashing teeth, those watery eyes... what's more, your gaze is unfocused, you're hunched over, your back is hunched over..." The judge describes.

He's right. Miles is beside himself and seems inconsolable. "This can't happen!"

"Ms. Fey, do you know what's wrong with Mr. Edgeworth?" asks Ema.

Alexia shakes her head. "I wish I could..."

"Well, then I think it's time to continue with this trial." The judge scratches his head. "During our recess, I had requested that the prosecution conduct an investigation..."

This accusation is not yet in their right mind. "It can't be! This is unacceptable!!"

"It seems that our prosecutor is still out of his mind." Comments the Judge.

"Excuse me, knock knock?" Someone says.

"Who's there?" the judge asks.

They all turned their gaze to the witness stand, where one of the most eccentric men Alexia has ever seen now stands. And she has seen Redd White and Manfred von Karma before.

"(What's up with this guy? A strange, suffocating aura seems to be filling the courtroom.)" Alexia thought, loosening her scarf.

Ema takes off her coat and ties it around her waist. "The temperature went up 5.7 degrees since that man walked in!"

"Don't you say..." Alexia murmurs, unbuttoning her jacket. "(He looks familiar, as if I have seen him before... But from where...?)"

The judge seems to have an idea. "Ah, it's you..."

The man stares for a moment, but it seems that his words take him out of himself. "Oh! Hello, Udgey! I'm sorry I'm late!" He applauds. The room seems to shake. "It's been a while, how have you been? Do you swim much these days?"

The judge looks somewhat embarrassed. "It's a pleasure to see you again. And no, I haven't been really busy..."

"Ha!" he barks. "Busy? Very bad, Udgey! You have to make time to relax!"

"Yes, I know..." Judge says, before sighing wearily.

"It seems that 'Udgey' is the nickname this guy gives to the judge," Ema says with a small smile.

"I'm afraid you're right... Alexia says, before turning to the strange man. “Um... I'm sorry, but... who are you?"

He looks at her. "Ah, you must be the little Feyo! I've heard good things about you!"

Alexia raises an eyebrow, "You have heard about me?"

He smiles. It looks so disturbing. "I'm sorry our little Worthy is causing you all this trouble, huh?" He crosses his arms. "You know, we should all go swimming together one day! Jolly!"

Alexia turns to look at Miles. "Little Worthy!?"

"Miss Fey!" The judge is surprised. "Don't you know who this person is!?"

Alexia looks at him strangely before returning her gaze to the smiling man, trying to search in her memory if she remembers anything related to him. Or that was until she looked at the badge in the center of his chest, dictating what his rank is in the police squad... and needless to say, she began to break out in a cold sweat when she realized...

"O-Oh, I remember..." Alexia murmurs nervously. "He's the chief policeman of the district..."

Ema gasps, shocked. "What?! Is this him!?"

The judge nods in confirmation. "He is the highest-ranking police officer in the entire district!"

The man bows slightly, not much different as does Miles. "My name is Gant. Damon Gant. It's a pleasure to meet you all!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Then what do we owe this honor to today?" The judge turns to Gant, who is now standing by the prosecutor's bench. "It have been more than... two years since you last came to this courtroom, haven't you?"

Gant nods. "Well, if I came, it's for Worthy." Look at Miles, who still refuses to move. "Look at the poor man, what a bad look!" He pulls something out of his pocket. "I thought I should help him... So I came to bring this!"

"O-one moment!" Alexia exclaims in surprise.

"That's my sister's scarf!" Ema adds, just as shocked.

“(That means Angel was right! When the crime happened, Miss Skye was really wearing that scarf!)” Alexia thinks nervously.

"But to think that it was stuck in that exhaust pipe..." He places the handkerchief on the evidence table and unwraps it. "In little Worthy's car, no less! It's really quite embarrassing, even for us."

"What's that?!" The judge points to the object that put one the table.

Gant picks the object again and shows it to everyone. "Oh, this? It's what you'd call an automatic razor. This is quite disconcerting."

"OBJECTION!!"

"Chief Gant!" Miles seems to have finally come out of the trance. "What kind of equipment are you carrying here?! How could they have missed such a vital piece of evidence!? If your investigators are so lax, how do you expect us to do our job?"

"What 'job'?" Alexia murmurs, raising an eyebrow.

"Mr. Edgeworth!" The judge hisses.

"Wait a minute, Worthy!" Gant says with a smile.

Miles shakes his head. "I don't want to hear any kind of excuses!"

"I'm telling you to wait!" He insists. "Or didn't you hear me?"

That keeps him quiet. Gant, seeing that he was no longer being interrupted, decided to give the explanation.

"Take a look at this document, where it says 'person in charge of the investigation'..." He picks it up and turns it to show it to all of us. "There's no doubt that the firm... Right, Miles Edgeworth?"

Miles gasps. "What? That's not fair!"

"(I wish I could spend more time enjoying this moment right now. Watching him whining like a child.)" Alexia thinks, satisfaction overflowing from her body.

Miles continues. "On the day of the crime, I had..."

The COP raises its hand. "The head in the clouds because you got that award! I know how you feel..." He shrugs. "But you're the person in charge. I expect a written apology."

"Are you serious?!" Edgeworth exclaims shocked.

Gant smiles, which is somehow scarier. "Don't get too grumpy, we'll find a way to clean up the mess... that you did."

Miles covers his mouth.

"Wow, I've never seen Mr. Edgeworth speechless...," Ema says in surprise. Alexia hasn't seen him very often like this, but she has.

The judge seems disappointed. "This kind of serious mistake is not like you, Mr. Edgeworth."

Miles groans in his hands. "I know..."

"The court accepts this new evidence." The Judge says, letting the knife be placed with the rest of the evidence. "But first I'd like to ask the defense a favor."

"Yes, your honor?" Alexia asks curiously.

"Just to be sure... I'd like to take a look at the blade of this knife." Says the Judge.

"I don't see why not," Alexia says with a shrug.

"Could you open it for me?" The Judge requests.

Gant throws the knife across the room. Alexia catches it with ease.

"I think all you have to do is flip that switch..." Alexia says, before being interrupted.

"If I cut off my finger, Miss Fey, I wouldn't be able to use my mallet anymore." Says the Judge seriously.

Alexia frowns. "Yes, but if I cut mine, I won't be able to point people anymore..." She about to press the switch, when she reads the label out of the corner of her eye. "'SL-9 2'...? I feel like I've seen something like this before."

Fey decides to keep that thought to herself and proceeds to press the switch to open it.

"Waaaaa! D-Don't scare me like that!" Ema says moving away a little.

"I'm the one who should be afraid!" Alexia responds. "And it looks like there's blood on this broken tip..."

Added the switchblade to the court file

"Either way," Miles says, "this doesn't excuse the actions of the Police Department! I'd like to hear an explanation from the Chief of Police himself!"

The judge wrings his hands. "I'm so sorry, Damon, but could I ask you to testify for us? About the division between prosecutors and police... and this knife."

It takes a few seconds before Gant responds. "Of course! Sure. No problem, not even the slightest! Really!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Beginning of Witness testimony – Statement of Damon Gant, Department in Disorder

"This knife is special... But I can't say how here. Unless there is evidence to prove a connection between this knife and Goodman... It was a bad day for the department. We weren’t in any shape to do an investigate, as a detective had been killed in the police department... what a mess! Time of the crime? 17h15. Scary coincidence, huh? But since it is not officially linked to this here case, so I can’t talk much about it."

End of Witness testimony – Statement of Angel Starr, Department in Disorder

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"Was there a murder in the Police Department?!" the judge exclaims. "And he was a detective?!"

Gant puts a finger to his lips. "Say it quietly, Udgey! That's secret information that we haven't exactly announced yet."

"OBJECTION!!"

"Wait a second!" Miles screams. "17:15"?! Exactly at the same time that Detective Goodman was killed in the Prosecutor’s Office!?"

"Order! Silence!" The judge snaps at the gallery, which had become a scandal again.

Gant plays with the pompadour on his head. "In the Department we were all nervous, as you might well suppose. We are in the middle of a top-secret investigation. Don't tell anyone, okay?"

The defense and the prosecution nod their heads in understanding. Well, the prosecutor's office not so much...

The judge nods. "I think we understand the situation of the Police Department ... well, Miss Fey?"

"Yes, your honor, I know you're thinking. And yes, I would like to cross-examine him." Alexia responds by crossing her arms.

"The chances of two detectives being killed at the same time in two different locations are really slim. Scientifically speaking, of course," says Ema with a small smile.

"Exactly. So I think there's more to it than Agent Gant lets us see..." Alexia says, looking at the smiling man.

"I'm willing to answer anything, as long as the questions stay focused on the case at hand." Gant says with a big smile.

"Well, the defense can begin their cross-examination," says the judge.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Beginning of Cross-Examination – Statement of Damon Gant, Department of Clutter

"Is it special?" Alexia asks, doing tricks with the knife.

"Ms. Fey! Stop!" Ema begs. "It's still open!"

"It's hard to find this particular knife anywhere else," says Gant.

"Is it because of the tag?" Alexia questions raising an eyebrow.

He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Feyo, I can't talk about it!"

"Why was there another knife at the scene... if the one who killed Goodman was mine?" asks Miles.

"It's all a mystery!" says the judge.

"And this one is wrapped in a scarf," adds Gant.

"Finding that knife in our scene doesn't connect them?" Alexia questions.

"Look, there are many things that happen in the Department that I can't explain..." Gant says scratching his head. "It's a bit delicate. You'll need stronger evidence than that, Feyo!"

Alexia quickly goes through the court file in search of something that can give her an answer. And then she found something that she herself had remembered when she saw the label on the knife.

The lawyer taps her left palm against the table. "OBJECTION!!"

Gant applauds. "Ah, finally! A real 'protest'!"

"I know how the two cases connect!" Alexia exclaims seriously.

"How?!" asks the judge.

Alexia shows the memo she found with Ema the other day. "Look at this! It says 'SL-9 2/21'. Goodman wrote this note backwards."

"It's the same as on the label." The Judge says surprised. "Well, chief?"

He tilts his head, smiling. "I guess the cat’s out of the bag... you win, Feyo!"

"What game is he playing?" Ema asks curiously.

"I guess we'll find out!" says Alex.

Gant gestures towards Alexia. "That knife was evidence of a case. It was stolen from the Department's evidence room."

"Stolen?" Alexia repeats, surprised.

"Exactly, Feyo, but it was the day of the murder." Confirms Gant.

Miles scratches his hair. "It was evidence," he says. Was it, in fact, a murder weapon?"

"Nice show, Worthy!" There goes the applause on the rise. "It just so happens that it was a murder weapon. It was the proof of a case solved a long time ago."

Alexia looks up. "So this knife was stolen on the day of the murder... and was found in the exhaust pipe of Mr. Edgeworth's car..."

"It's hard to believe that there isn't a connection there!" says Ema.

"Do you have any suspects, Agent Gant?" asks Alexia.

"Actually, yes! Actually, we just arrested him," Gant replies.

"Wow, that was quick!" says Ema.

"Yes, it was!" The chief officer answers. "But there are still many unanswered questions. Maybe you can help, Feyo!"

Alexia nods her head. "I guess it might help... if you help me by giving me details of your case?"

"Oh, well! This girl is smart!" Alaga Gant. "Okay, here's the deal. I'll tell you one thing and one thing only..."

"So, tell me... where was the victim found?" asks Alexia.

He shrugs. "I can't say exactly where the body was found. However, I can say that the crime occurred in the Police Department's evidence room."

"The Evidence room, huh?" Alexia says with a sly smile.

"What is it?" asks Ema.

"Well, they just gave us our ticket to link both cases!" Alexia replies before heading to Gant. "Boss? The position of the defense is simply this: The connection between these two cases has already been proven!"

He raises his eyebrows. "Ah, don't you say? And what is it?"

"It's the place!" Alexia answers. "The knife found in our crime was stolen from the scene of yours: the Police Department's evidence room!"

"Not to mention," Miles adds, "that the victim had written the numbers on the knife's evidence tag."

"And we also know that the detective killed in the Police Department..." Alexia concludes before exclaiming. "Was killed in that very same evidence room!"

The judge nods. "Indeed. There do seem to be too many connections for it to be a coincidence."

"You two make a good pair, don't you?" Gant applauds. "It took my men two days to find out what you deduced right here."

"Chief! I request that you release your information about the victim to the Police Department!" demands Miles.

Gant pulls up his glasses. "Look, that's the tricky part. It hasn't been announced yet and all..."

"Is there any chance we can get it… unofficially?" Alexia asks as if she doesn't want the thing.

The Chief hums before nodding. "Of course! Why not? After all, it's not official."

"What really!?" Alexia murmurs surprised.

Ema shrugs. "Who would have guessed?"

Gant is a little wobbly. "I'll cooperate, but I can't reveal the victim's name in the Department, okay?"

"You could also tell us everything," says Alexia. "If you want us to get down to business, of course."

"Ah, well, the information of the cases is somewhat complicated. You have to do everything correctly." Says Gant.

Alexia folds her arms. "Okay... How about you tell me the ID number?"

He shrugs. "Sure, why not? It's not like you’ll be able to tell who it is from that!"

"Of course not. After all, you won't tell me their name." Alexia murmurs as she stretches.

"We keep a tight lid on ID numbers, so don't get your hopes up." Gant says as he straightens up. "The number is... 5842189."

The judge spins his mallet. "Wow, that's long! I don't even think I can make it by remembering that! 8... 2... yes, not at all."

"(At least get the first number right!)" Alexia thinks with a drop of sweat.

"That's right, Udgey! And we have to remember all the things there are!" Gant says rubbing the back of his neck. "It's like going crazy!"

"Does this say anything to any of you?" The Judge questions the defense and prosecution.

Ema gasps. "Actually, yes!" Alexia just smiles slyly.

"What could I tell them?" The Judge questions.

End of Cross-Examination – Statement by Damon Gant, Department of Clutter

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Kitten, you're smiling," Alexia says.

"You are too!" The scientist points out.

Gant and Miles look at them in silence.

"Why are you two grinning like that?!" asks the judge. "You look like a two schoolgirls on prom night!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that this got a lot more confusing now."

Miles rolls his eyes. "Confused as always, right?"

"Hmph! Yes, of course. It's not like this confusing shit that we're solving right now that you should have solved, literally YESTERDAY..." Alexia growls back. Miles backs down for the answer.

"Woah, that was a low blow..." Gant says with a half-smile. "But there's no denying that she's right. So how about you're a good boy and shut up for a while?"

Edgeworth just grunts in annoyance. But it says nothing.

"As I was saying before that I was interrupted so rudely." Alexia says seriously. "Here we have the identification of our victim here" Ema passes it and Fey shows it to everyone.

Gant points at them with his finger. "Ema! Feyo! Shame on you two! Those IDs are supposed to be top secret!"

"The number listed is 5842189!" Alexia reveals, surprising those present.

Gant falls silent again, as does Miles.

The Judge only looks around, confusion reflected in his face. "...And...? This means... what exactly?"

"Huh?" Both girls say at the same time.

The Judge seems to have remembered. "Wait... That ID number we heard from the Chief before... That one started with '82...' Hmm. I've forgotten."

"(You didn't even get the first number right! AGAIN!)" Alexia thinks with a drop of sweat.

Ema snorts. "Agent Gant said the ID of the murdered detective was 5842189."

"OBJECTION!!"

"Wait a second, Ms. Fey!" says Miles. "What does this...?"

"Mean?" Alexia says crossing her arms. "Well, what must it mean that the person killed in the evidence room was Detective Goodman!"

Ema looks at the Chief. "What does our witness think about this?"

"This is what I think," says Gant. "Sharp as a tack, you all are!"

The judge gasps. "Wait! But he is our victim!"

"This is impossible!" says Miles. "We're saying that the same person was killed at the same time... in a completely different place?!"

UH oh. The gallery is skyrocketing. Gant decides to clap his hands and make them shut up so that the judge doesn't have to.

"Chief!" asks the judge. "What does this mean?!"

"No, what I want to know is why I didn't hear about this! Yes, it's top secret, fine! But I'm the prosecutor in charge of the case!!" Miles is losing control again.

Gant raises his hands and waves them in a "calm" motion. "Wait, Worthy, there's no need to get all flustered."

Miles, in an almost plaintive tone, addresses the judge. "Your Honor! The Police Department has made a grave mistake in this case..."

"Worthy, do you ever hear when I tell you to wait?" Gant snaps. Oh my God, seeing him angry is terrifying. "Unfortunately, it is you who has made the grave mistake."

Edgeworth's eyes begin to pop out of their sockets. "What?! How dare you!!"

The Chief shakes his head. "We informed you yesterday. I think it was our officer Meekins who brought you the news."

"Officer Meekins? Isn't that the officer Mr. Edgeworth kicked out of his office?" Alexia questions. Miles’s blood freezes when he heard that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Um...! Excuse me! But is Mr. Edgeworth... anywhere in the premises?" The policeman asks into the megaphone, almost leaving Alexia deaf for having used it directly next to her. "I am here, sir, at the request of the Chief, sir! I have your report, sir!" The policeman exclaims.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“(I'm sure he's regretting some of his life choices right now.)" The defense thinks in unison.

"What!? That idiot cop!?" Miles exclaims shocked.

Gant smiles again. "He says you didn't take the report!"

"That's because it had nothing to do with Lana Skye! He told me!" It’s the excuse of the prosecutor.

"Technically, he just said that her name wasn’t there, Mr. Edgeworth," Alexia notes, and then said, "But... By any chance, wasn't the victim's name there, or something related to him?"

"Stay out of it, Miss Fey!" Edgeworth exclaims annoyed.

Gant shakes his head. "Worthy, didn't your parents teach you that you should be polite to the ladies? And, even more, when are they the ones who are right?

"Excuse me?!" Miles exclaims between annoyed and surprised.

"Since I'm sure you didn't read the top of the report, I'm going to do it for you." Gant says as he pulls out and points to the top of the report. "[Detective Bruce Goodman killed in Police Department evidence room.]"

Miles looks up, out of his hands where he had buried his face a few seconds ago. "Why didn't your officer tell me that?!"

"Honestly, I'm not sure if that officer could have been able to make the connection... Seemed... challenged." Ema comments.

"In any case," says Gant, "This is a serious mistake, a gross negligence of duty on your part, Worthy."

"B-but, sir!! I could have submitted that report this morning to the court as evidence! So I..." Edgeworth suggests.

"I certainly couldn't have, Unworthy!" interrupts Gant.

"Why not?!" Miles demands to know.

"Second rule of the law of evidence!" Gant answers simply.

Ema turns to Alexia. "Do you know about that?"

"Yes," Alexia says. "The second rule says: New evidence may only be presented if it is related to the case at trial."

"What is the importance of this?!" Miles snaps.

Alexia snorts. "Normally, a list of evidence is submitted to be used in court before the trial. What Agent Gant wants to imply is that that report was not on that list."

She crosses her arms, poses relaxed; "So he couldn't upload it as evidence until a connection was established." She pulls back a lock of hair and smiles triumphantly. "Which we already did."

"That's right!" Says Gant. "Seriously, Worthy. How is it that this young lady is more versed than you?"

Miles slides to the ground, disappearing behind the bench. "Nooooooooooooooooo!!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The judge sighs. "It seems that this trial has come to an end."

Gant stares at the prosecutor's bench. "Get up, will you, Worthy? Lately you're becoming a thorn in my side. There have been rumors... After all, you were in the defendant's chair last year!"

Hesitantly, Miles rises. "I apologize for this terrible lack of due diligence on my part..."

The judge smacks his lips. "Shame on you, Mr. Edgeworth."

"Please..." the prosecutor pleads. "Just give me a day. I'll get to the bottom of what happened... even if it's the last thing I do!"

"Miss Fey, he looks like he's about to cry!" says Ema.

"Yes," says Alexia. "This is no longer funny, it's sad..."

"You'd better get results this time. Really," says Gant.

Miles looks away. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

Ema looks at him with pity. "Poor Mr. Edgeworth..."

The Judge sighs again. "I don't think there has ever been such a serious mistake in the history of this court. We will grant one more day as requested by the prosecution." He turns to Miles. "Will this be enough, Mr. Edgeworth?"

He shrinks slightly, but nods. "Yes, your honor. Thank you."

"Whatever your punishment is for this, for your sake I hope it's not ... decisive." The Judge says, before preparing his deck. "Very well! Court is adjourned!"

And with that last blow of the mallet, that day of trial was over...

[ohcaptaintarthister]

The Assassination of Jaime Lannister*

Rant contains spoilers of Season 8 Episode 4 of Game of Thrones. Look away if you haven't seen it.

Right. Here we go.

I did not read the series A Song of Ice and Fire (ASOIAF) until Season 5 of Game of Thrones. Fantasy is not my favorite genre. Besides these books by George RR Martin, the only fantasy novel I've read was The Eyes of the Dragon by Stephen King.

I was drawn to the books because of the show. They're not easy to read. Besides being thick enough to actually hurt someone with it, I read them with zero ideas about the conventions of fantasy, the worldling and so on. I was curious and wanted to see. Also, Season 5 took too long. After a weekend where I binged on Seasons 1 to 4, I needed to know about the books.

The wait for Season 5 was reason one. Curiosity the second. The third was I have fallen in love with Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth. Yes. I was in love with them as a pair. They are my favorite characters.

Back then I had no idea what shipping meant, and what fandoms were. But I knew I had to see if the chemistry of Jaime and Brienne in the show, awesomely played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Gwendoline Christie, resulted from casting and adaptation or if the characters' interactions sizzled in the books. In other words, and this is vocabulary I picked up once I began wading deeper into the fandom, I was curious if it was canon.

And it was!

On their own and together, Jaime and Brienne were written with nuanced complexity. Jaime, especially, seemed sketched to cover the entire spectrum of gray and other unknown shades of it. Readers and show-onlys went from wishing this guy Seven Hells for throwing a ten-year-old child from a window to cheering him on as he found himself, often with great reluctance at first, on a path to redemption. Because Jaime, once separated from his family--the continuing disapproval of his father Tywin because he was nothing more than a glorified bodyguard and the quicksand relationship with twin sister Cersei--was finally free to be a man on his own. It did not matter that he was one of the greatest sword fighters, that he was a Lannister and Kingsguard. Robb Stark's army captured him because he was leading the Lannister armies. He lost his hand for thinking being a Lannister gave him protection and privilege. One-handed and probably still fevered, he jumped into the bear pit to rescue Brienne of Tarth. And before that, he saved her from being raped too.

As all that Jaime had been was gradually stripped away to reveal a man who murdered his king to protect the people yet one who loved his sister without guilt, Brienne was there in the picture of him being rendered anew. Honestly, because of Brienne, I swung to Team Jaime. Possibly with pom-poms too.

But after reading the books and seeing some episodes again, I began to wonder if David Benioff and D.B. Weiss hated the character.

While in the books Jaime said, "The things we do for love" WITH LOATHING, in the show he said the line with a smirk, that throwing a boy out the window was the natural consequence of protecting his affair with Cersei. Maybe Show!Jaime didn't see it as a consequence but something that simply had to be done but without smugness.

Okay, I thought. That was weird but the writers have to know right? They read the books.

When Jaime and Brienne finally have that bath in the show, and how it was adapted as faithfully as possible, I thought the show finally understood him. It was weird that Jaime returned to Cersei before the Purple Wedding but i thought of nothing of it.

Until THAT episode in Season 4.

In the books, the scene above should be when Jaime returned at King's Landing after being captured by Robb Stark and The Brave Companions. The reunion was from Jaime' point of view. Cersei's consent was clear:

"Hurry," she was whispering now, "quickly, quickly, now, do it now, do me now. Jaime Jaime Jaime." Her hands helped guide him. "Yes," Cersei said as he thrust, "my brother, sweet brother, yes, like that, yes, I have you, you’re home now, you're home now, you’re home." She kissed his ear and stroked his short bristly hair." 

In the show, she actually said, "It's not right!" a few times. Also, a few episodes prior to this, we saw Jaime complaining to her that he had been "back for weeks," and wanted to resume their affair. While in the books we saw two people falling in each other's arms after being apart for a long time, and needing each other desperately, in the show we saw rape. Though the claim by Benioff and Weiss was due to "bad editing/lighting" and that it was "unintentional," their refusal to actually address the issue and just re-edit and re-broadcast buried even more Jaime's redemption arc. As a viewer I forgave this mistake. Maybe next season?

Nope. It got worse.

When Jaime and Cersei made love by Joffrey' body in the books, this was the last time the twins would have sex. The books showed Jaime's gradual disillusionment with Cersei--he thought she drank too much, was tired of her scheming. Tyrion also told him about her affairs with other men. So when Jaime went to Riverrun to recover it for the Crown, he was not only the farthest from Cersei again, he was done. Just DONE. Her pleas for him to help her and promises of love end up tossed in the fire.

The show, rather than adapting this, simply diverged. Season 5 was as confused in what to do with Jaime as lots of viewers were. Season 6 saw Jaime and Cersei resume their affair before he left for the Riverlands. Returning to King's Landing in the finale, we saw the chilling look Jaime gave Cersei during her coronation.

Perhaps this was it. This would be when he falls out of love.

HA.

Season 7, until this weekend's episode, was THE WORST ADAPTATION OF JAIME. There. I'm saying it. THE WORST.

Why? It wasn't even the incest that pissed me off. Jaime, who slew the Mad King for wanting to torch King's Landing with wildfyre, did a dizzying 180 by ENABLING his sister, who murdered Queen Margaery, her former fiance, Kevan Lannister and other innocent members of the court by wildfire. Season 7 Jaime simply took Cersei at her word. Forget about Tommen, THEIR LAST SON. Who committed suicide as a result of his wife's murder. Forget about what really caused the Sept explosion. What mattered was creating a dynasty for "the last Lannisters who count."

Jaime stood by her side and in the queen' name, contributed in tearing further apart the Seven Kingdoms. No questions asked. LITERALLY no questions asked. Despite telling Cersei of the danger of her new position, he went on to rant about the lack of allies. That can be read as Jaime being practical but as the season progressed, it was proof that he would be at her side no matter what. No matter who had to be murdered. He DID say he would murder everyone until it was only the two of them left in the world. Alright.

LIoking back on past episodes, Cersei always succeeded in keeping Jaime at her side with promises of going public with their affair. In the books, Jaime pressed her to let people know he was her choice and she refused. In the Season 4 finale, she told him she told Tywin about them, resulting in passionate and this time consensual sex on a table in the White Sword Tower. In Episode 3 of Season 7, after Cersei fucked him to celebrate her victory over the Sand Snakes, we saw a loved up Jaime in the morning after.

This would be the happiest viewers had seen Jaime. Cersei, now really THE Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, would openly fuck him. The scandal reached as far as Eastwatch, with Tormund, wanting to clarify, asking which queen was discussed in a conversation. "The one with the dragons or the one who fucks her brother?"

After Daenerys and her Dothraki army burned the Lannister forces on their way back to King's Landing, a shaken and muddy Jaime returned to Cersei right away. And in the same episode, Cersei revealed she was pregnant again. This was happy news, indeed but Jaime needed to know one thing: who will Cersei acknowledge as the father.

"You."

Now I refuse to think Cersei had once again succeeded in manipulating him. I think she WAS pregnant. There's no way to fake joy like that. And yeah, though I don't ship them, I understood Jaime's happiness. Finally, he would get to be a real father.

Still, still, still. Season 7 Jaime really made no sense. There was none of Book Jaime here. None. What we saw was a guy who supported a tyrant willingly and was now going to be a real daddy. I hate it but that's really Season 7 Jaime. Even when he left Cersei, the reason was a headscratcher.

"I don't believe you," has got to be the worst break-up line because it's lame. Better if Jaime just looked at Cersei with puppy dog eyes and walked away. Really.

The beginning of Season 8 saw the writing of Jaime hitting the right beats. A different man, check. A man who honestly regrets what he did to Bran, check. A man who was no longer the golden lion and ready to fulfill a vow he made, check. Hearteyes at Brienne, check.

He knighted Brienne. BIG, FAT CHECKS.

In episode four, The Last of the Starks, Benioff and Weiss, probably tired from the glare of their computer screens, seemed to have just written the episode in bullet points. It became glaringly obvious they wanted the series over and done with. Fuck decent writing.

Jaime Lannister is not the only one who was badly written in the latest episode. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about Qyburn's ballista and Euron apparently a sharp-shooter. We have no idea how Missandei was captured. That drinking game with Jaime, Brienne, Podrick and Tyrion was awkward and misogynistic--seriously, why shame Brienne for being a virgin?

And Sansa! Sansa basically saying if she had not been raped and abused, she wouldn't be in the position she is now! Who on earth says anything like that? Answer: no one. And I don't mean Arya.

And Missandei. The ONE WOMAN OF COLOR in a blindingly white show is chained and beheaded!

Then Jaime. Oh, Jaime.

There are no happy endings in Game of Thrones. Ned Starks gets beheaded. Jon Snow gets knifed. Sansa is raped. Catelyn, Robb and Talisa get butchered. Just when victory is within reach, characters are punished so cruelly it's inhuman.

But it doesn't mean crappy writing. At fifteen million dollars an episode this season, I expect writing that reflects intelligence. Who cares about CGI wolves and dragons when the writing is shit?

Now it's no longer a question if David Benioff and D.B. Weiss hate Jaime. THEY DO. Everyone else was buffed up or given meat. They couldn't even spare Jaime Lannister a decent-sized bone.

I don't blame Jaime for leaving Brienne. Hear me out.

After Brienne and Sansa tell him the latest developments in King's Landing with regard to Cersei, we see Jaime shocked and even horrified. The next scene, he's in the chambers with Brienne contemplating what to do. And this is where the writing becomes really shitty:

1. He left her without saying goodbye.

2. He LEFT Brienne with her thinking he did it for Cersei.

What was the point of according her the respect and honor of being a knight--done by his own hand? What was the point of telling her he was no longer the fighter he was? Where was the respect when he was going to leave her as a regrettable one night stand? (But Winterfell to King's Landing is a month by land so I assume they've been banging for that long)

Nothing, it's just illogical shit.

Had the writers made just a bit more effort, Jaime Lannister should have been shown experiencing some happiness with Brienne, rather than Tyrion telling the viewers about it. We don't see it. We're just told and have to take their word for it. Jaime could have benefitted too in leaving Brienne in the NEXT episode. Why? It increases the stakes. Just one scene showing Jaime happy, just one, and of him ACTUALLY talking to Brienne about having to leave instead of being found out, and the episode probably won't be as crappy. I don't mind Brienne begging and crying, heartbreaking as that scene is. What I mind is Jaime never being shown what he stands to lose if he leaves Winterfell. Olenna Tyrell, before he he grants her the mercy of taking poison, had warned him it will be too late for him. She's right.

I believe he goes to King's Landing because of the guilt that he began a war to protect Cersei. When he does things for Cersei, the consequences are horrible and far-reaching. Easy to call him dumb and he is. But let's not forget that he charged at Daenerys and Drogon with just a spear thinking to end it all. A spear against a fire-breathing dragon. Like, what are the odds, right?

I'm not going to say anything more about The Bang That Was Promised And Sucked Donkey Balls. Enough has been said, enough hearts have been broken. We KNOW the world of Game of Thrones is dark and bitter and almost without hope. We really do. But as fans of the books and the show, FANS WHO MADE IT POSSIBLE FOR THE SERIES BE RENEWED AND HBO TO INCREASE THE BUDGET EVERY SEASON, all we ask for is good writing. We get that without actual material from George the writing is challenging. WE REALLY DO.

But is it too much to ask for the writers to set aside their hatred for one of the best characters in the series and understand him? Give him the material he deserves in the show? There is none of the Book Jaime trying so hard to be honorable. None. Instead what we've been given, since the first episode, is a train wreck of an adaptation that has now been confirmed as a character assassination.

It's not dragonfyre that has killed Jaime but writing that is careless, hurried and just plain awful. In Benioff and Weiss' determination and delusion in finishing the TV series on a high note, Jaime Lannister has been left with barely a whimper.

*Previously titled, "When Adaptations Assassinate A Character."

[bluejaysandblackbats]

You're Just Like Quicksand

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Batman Beyond

Summary: Jason Todd is ready to go into semi-retirement after fifteen years working with troubled youth, but one case in particular forces him to confront the sins of his youth and painful memories from his past.

Chapters: 6/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Terry McGinnis, Warren McGinnis, Mary McGinnis, Matt McGinnis, Bruce Wayne, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): TBA

Additional Tags: Protective Jason Todd, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Retired Jason Todd, Multiple POV, Hurt/Comfort, Parent-Child Relationships, Canon Divergent AU, Angst, Mourning Jason Todd

Chapter Six: Family Portrait (Terry McGinnis' POV)

I showered and changed into the pajamas Jason gave me. They were baggy, but they fit well enough. He sat in the living room, reading a book by the fireplace. I sat at the top of the stairs, watching him. “Terry, you can come downstairs whenever you’re through watching me,” Jason whispered. I stood up and looked over the stair rail.

“How’d you know I was here?” I questioned. Jason grinned upward at me.

“I heard you breathing,” Jason chuckled, “What’s the matter, Terry?”

“Jason, you don’t get a little messed up during these riots?” I asked. I had to admit that I was scared. I hated the riots in Gotham because there was no way to see if it was a meta-problem or a gang problem. A meta problem sometimes meant we were shut in the house for days. He shook his head.

“It gives me an excuse to sit up all night. I’ll put a good dent in this series,” Jason replied, “Wanna borrow the first issue?”

I nodded, and Jason pulled the first book from a stack on his living room table. I curled up on his couch and started reading. “Jason, thanks for letting me help with dinner. I had fun,” I replied. Jason grinned.

“I had fun too, Terry… You know you can do this with your father at home too?” Jason suggested. I know he meant well, but things were still weird with my dad. He didn’t get me like Jason did. I nodded, but I didn’t answer him. “It helps… Common ground between parents and their kids has to start somewhere, Terry.”

Jason returned to his book, and I read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. I woke up, tucked into bed with the book on the bedside table. I could hear Jason’s voice in the hallway. “Hi—. No, it's not like that. I'm safe. The generator's fine… Do they feed you enough? Of course, I love you and miss you… Yeah, I know. I'm glad you called… No, I'm not mad that you called. I was shocked… Hey, no… Don't do that. I understand," Jason's voice bride, "Don't worry about it. I'll see you as soon as I'm freed up… No, I—. I wanted you to call. I love you too. A million times more… A billion. Night night."

Once he hung up, I stepped into the hall, where I witnessed Jason crying with his forehead against the wall. "Jason, I didn't mean to listen, but I couldn't sleep," I whimpered. Something about seeing him cry twisted my stomach in knots. "Jason, I—. Please don't cry." I tugged at his sleeve and pulled him into a hug.

"I shouldn't—. Sorry that I woke you up," Jason sniffed as he collected himself.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I got a call from someone I love dearly. It's hard when you haven't seen someone in a long time. Sometimes it hurts to hear the kids’ voices," Jason confessed. “Want some cocoa?”

I nodded and followed him to the kitchen. Jason took a serving platter out of the pantry and filled a small pot with all his ingredients faster than I could sit down. “Is Tim your little brother?” I asked.

Jason chuckled and nodded. “I’m the third of six kids. But if we were talking order of when we were adopted-slash-acquired… I was his second child. He never completely figured out the whole parenting thing, but I was close to him when I was young,” Jason replied.

“You were adopted?” I asked. “Did you—? Sorry, that’s rude.”

“No, it’s fine. I am adopted. Technically twice adopted, but I didn’t know that until I was fifteen. I lived with my biological father and the woman I knew as my mother until they both passed, then I was adopted, and three and a half years later, I found out my mom wasn’t my biological mom… My biological mom left the country,” Jason answered honestly, “I met my biological mom once… and it took me over twenty-five years to process that. And that’s why I stress the importance of you trying to bridge the gap between yourself and your pop. He loves you so much, and he wants to see you. Warren wants to understand you. Some kids never get that in their parents… Trust me.” Jason turned away from the pot and smiled at me.

“What was your bio mom like?” I asked.

Jason turned his back. “I don’t speak ill of the dead, but I can speak to how our meeting affected me. Out of all the neglect, verbal abuse, and exploitation I experienced as a kid… The day I met my biological mother left me scarred physically and mentally in ways that my wife —God rest her soul— couldn’t even understand. Speaking of that, have you ever thought of therapy?” Jason asked.

“There’s nothing wrong with—.”

“I’m not saying that. Everyone tends to need therapy from time to time… I didn’t think I needed it, but I started going because my kids went… and it changed me. Made me more gentle, kind, and patient. I had to stop a few years back because I hit a wall… But it helped a lot,” Jason replied, “It’s not always fun, but it’s worth it if you put in the work.”

“Like going to the gym?” I half-joked. Jason nodded.

“Exactly like that,” Jason replied.

“Well, I’ll try it whenever you go back,” I joked. I didn’t mean to be hurtful, but he winced. “Jason, I didn’t—.”

“No, you’re right. It’s hypocritical of me to think that you’d give therapy a go when I’m actively avoiding it,” Jason replied, “But you can’t go contingent on my successes or failures. I’m your mentor, but I won’t allow you to make decisions based on what I do. You’re not a follower, Terry.” He was stern but sincere.

I didn’t argue with him, and I wasn’t angry with him. “Terry, I don’t mean to be hard on you. I like you. You remind me of someone… And I don’t wanna see you follow somebody right into an early grave. You’re a good kid, and I know you can be great if you put your mind to it,” Jason explained as he poured my cocoa into a mug before messing up my hair.

“You really do care, don’t you?” I asked. Jason nodded.

“So much,” Jason replied, “I hate to say it, but you remind me of how much fun I used to have with my kids… Even when they were getting in trouble.” That made me even more curious about his family. How could I be anything like his kids or his family? “Mostly, you remind me of myself when I was a kid… But you know that already. That’s how I know you’ll be alright if you learn to make your own decisions. You don’t have to follow in anyone’s footsteps. You understand me?”

“Yeah,” I replied as I sipped the cocoa he made. It was rich and warm, and it filled me with comfort. It was the feeling I used to get when I had fever chills as a kid, and my dad wrapped me in blankets fresh from the dryer. It made me want my dad. I wanted him so badly I thought I'd cry.